


Miss You More

by TwelveTimes12



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-13
Updated: 2017-10-12
Packaged: 2018-02-04 12:26:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 288
Words: 762,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1779076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwelveTimes12/pseuds/TwelveTimes12
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Family fic that started out as a one-shot and morphed into a whole lot more. This story contains fun and light-hearted moments as well as some mature dramatic themes. Each chapter that might contain a possible trigger has a warning at the beginning. </p><p>I hope you enjoy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Good To Be Home

Ali found herself pacing through the house, waiting for her better half to wake up. Ashlyn had arrived "late" in the early hours of the morning from a work trip, and not wanting to wake Ali up she fell asleep on the couch instead of joining her wife in their bed.

Ali knew her wife was tired, but they hadn't seen each other for two weeks. At the moment, she was really having a hard time waiting for her wife to join the conscious world. Ashlyn had been working extra hard lately to try to provide the best life for Ali and their two kids. Ali assumed that Ash fell asleep the moment her body hit the couch.

Ali couldn't just sit around and do nothing. She decided the least she could do was unpack for her wife and start a load of laundry. She grabbed Ashlyn's suitcase that was unceremoniously dropped off right inside the front door, and took it to their room to empty out.

A few minutes later their youngest, Samuel wandered in holding his blanket and favorite little car. One of his little 3 year old hands grabbed at his mother's leg and leaned up against it. He has always been such a cuddler. He was a mirror of Ashlyn in showing affection to those he loved. Ali bent down and picked him up. He wrapped one arm around his mommy's neck and the other, still holding his car, grabbed at the front of her shirt. He leaned his head down on Ali's shoulder and embraced her quietly.

This was nothing new for Ali. She had learned a long time ago how to love on her little ones and still get stuff done. She held him tight with one arm and grabbed the laundry basket with the other. After Ali had started one load of Ashlyn's clothes, she went back to the abandoned suitcase to put it back in the closet where it belonged.

Once she made sure everything was in its rightful place, she decided to wake up their 5 year old daughter, Lexi. Lexi was just like Ali, a total diva. Every outfit, every accessory, every THING had to be just right and up to the ‘DIVA STANDARD.’ That was a running joke in the household. Ali and Lexi weren't ready until they had the diva standard of approval.

Lexi was already up when Ali knocked and opened her room door. She was dressed up in a cute little yellow dress, accessorized with big costume jewelry and three bright colored scarves wrapped around her. At the sound of her mother entering the room she turned around and said "Mommy, do I look fabulous?"

"Oh yes, sweetheart, you look fabulous." Ali assured her.

"Good. Because I am a princess and I need to look fabulous."

Ali laughed at her daughter. "Well, girl you nailed it. I am so glad someone in this house has their priorities in order." Lexi just laughed. She has no idea what the word ‘priority’ meant, but if her mom said it then it was ok with her.

Ali heard some movement in the living room and knew that could only mean one thing. 

Her wife was awake. 

She gave herself a mental high five for waiting and not waking her up as she gathered the kids together to welcome Ashlyn home.  
Ashlyn, with blurry eyes and an unbalanced walk made her way to the coffee maker. She was out of it. She cleared her throat and rubbed her eyes but still felt the weight of her exhaustion in her body. She leaned on the counter and stared mindlessly at the coffee pot. It was Ali's sweet voice that brought her back from her zoned out state.

"Welcome home, baby." Ali said sweetly.

At this the blonde turned around and embraced her wife. She put her face in Ali's neck, inhaled her scent and made a satisfied hum of contentment. She was so tired from her work and missed her family so much. 

She felt a little tug on her leg and looked down to see Lexi with a look that said "You better acknowledge me or else..." Ashlyn scooped her up and held her tight.

"Hey sweet girl" Ash said. "I missed you so much. Have you been helping Mommy take care of your brother while I was away?"

"Mama, I have done everything around here. I helped make food for him. I helped him pick up his toys. I let him sleep with my favorite bedtime stuffed animals..." Lexi trailed off trying to think of more things that would impress her mom.

Ashlyn looked at her with an overly dramatic wonder and said, "Wow, you really were a big help while I was gone. Thank you for being such a good big sister. Now, where's my welcome home kiss?" At this request Lexi gave her a big hug and kiss.

Ash put Lexi down and then picked up her son. When she asked if he was a good boy for his Mommy, he grabbed her neck and hugged her tight. "Mama, I be good." He said. 

She asked if he missed her while she was away and he let out a dramatic sigh and laid his head on her shoulder and said, "Yes, Mama. I missed you more." He had heard Ash and Ali go back and forth about who would miss whom more. His interpretation of this was just to say it whenever he missed someone. He was pretty cute like that.

Ali gave her wife a quick side hug and told her to sit down. "Baby, what do you want for breakfast?” Ali asked.

"I'm not really hungry. Coffee will be good for now." Ash answered.

Ali made it just how she liked it and brought it over. She gave her a peck on the forehead and pulled back with a weird look.  
"Ash, you’re really hot." Ali said worriedly.

Ashlyn smirked and replied with a "I think you're hot too, Babe."

Ali gave a small laugh, "Baby, that's not what I meant. Thank you though, but you feel like you might have a fever. Are you feeling ok?"

"I don't know" Ash shrugged. "I'm really tired and sore from sleeping on the couch, but I don't feel too bad."

"Ashlyn, you always say you don't feel bad and then you end up throwing up or coughing all night. You're home now. And I finally can take care of you again. Why don't you go lay down IN OUR BED and I will bring you something to eat. We can snuggle with the kids and watch cartoons all morning."

"That sounds really nice. Thank you, Alex. I really did miss you." Ash said squeezing her wife's hand.

"I missed you more!" Ali said as she leaned down to seal it with a kiss. 

As Ashlyn got up to get to bed, they heard their little boy yell "MISS YOU MORE!" as he rolled his toy car across the kitchen floor.

It certainly was good to be home, Ashlyn thought.


	2. I'm Too Sexy

The scene unfolding in front of Ali's eyes was hilarious. She was watching her almost 30 year old, blindfolded wife, crawl on the living room floor. Their 5 year old daughter was riding on her back and giving her directions on where to go. They were on a very important adventure to find the handsome Prince Samuel. (He was hiding behind the couch giggling his little heart out.)

Ashlyn knew exactly where the boy was because he was a noisy little Prince, but she didn't want to spoil the fun. Lexi also knew where her brother was but she was not about to resign the power she had over her mighty steed. Therefore, Lexi gave orders to Ashlyn that led her everywhere but where Sam was hiding.

After their third trip around the coffee table Ali could tell her wife needed a break, so she called an ‘adventure time-out’ and brought them fruit snacks and juice boxes. Ashlyn just took off her blindfold and dramatically fell on the floor. Sam came over with a handful of a few snacks and held them up to her mouth like he was feeding an actual horse a sugar cube. 

"Here go Mama, eat yer food." He said.  


Both Ash and Ali were cracking up at this point. They really had the absolute best kids in the world. Ali loved how Ashlyn jumped right into their imaginative adventures.  


After snack time, Ashlyn scooped up their little boy and sat down in her favorite recliner. It didn't take long until they were both fast asleep. The little boy had his head tucked into his Mama's chest and was holding tight to her hand. The scene was precious. Ali's heart was in danger of melting into a puddle right there on their living room floor.  


"Mommy....helloooooooooooo!" The little girl's voice broke her out of her stupor.   


"Sorry sweetheart, I was just making sure Mama and Sammy were nice and comfy" she answered. "I think God gives me little moments like this to remind me how lucky I am." 

Lexi just looked at her like she had two heads. Nothing was more important in her little world than the question her mom didn't hear her ask. The little diva was not happy until Ali turned and gave her her full attention.

"Mommy, did you hear what I said? You have got to listen better!" Ali could tell that her little girl was excited about something and if she didn't get her way, she was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. 

She answered her daughter, "Baby, I am so sorry. What was it you were trying to say?"

"Well," the 5 year old said, "I was saying that we were gonna have a nail party today. Remember? Just me and you..." 

The two had planned on getting manicures and pedicures. These were the type of things that a little brother just couldn't appreciate. So it was always a big deal to Lexi to have all of her Mommy's attention to do one of her favorite things. 

"Of course, I remember. Let's go get this party started." 

And just like that her daughter's face lit up.

...

After a nap and a trip to the park, Ashlyn and Sam were ready to see their favorite girls. Ali sent Ash a quick text and told her that they needed her to stay away for a little longer because they had a surprise for them. One ice cream stop and carry out order later, the two knocked loudly on the front door and waited to see if they were allowed in yet.

Ali answered the door with a bright pink feather boa around her neck and huge matching sunglasses. "Welcome to the Krieger-Harris fashion show. Please have a seat in the VIP section." 

Ali led them to the back yard where they had a make shift runway made out of white Christmas lights and party streamers. It was quite a sight against the darkness of the night sky. They had set up a lawn chair with lots of pillows for their VIP guests to sit on. Ashlyn sat down and pulled Sam up onto her lap.

"This is awesome, Babe." Ash smiled up at her wife. 

"Just you wait, we have a whole show for you two." Ali answered. 

She walked over to her iPod and played the song "I'm too sexy" and right on cue, Lexi came out and did her model walk, twirl and fierce serious face. Ashlyn and Sam oohed and awed. Lexi headed back to the "changing area" inside and right away comes Ali showing her family what modeling is all about.

The two models both had about ten costume changes and garnered lots of applause and whistles. After the show the family snuggled up on the couch and ate dinner. Between bites Lexi showed off her new polished nails and told Ashlyn all about the fun her and her Mommy had trying on clothes and putting on make-up. 

Ashlyn looked up for a moment and saw her wife feeding their son. Sam was too busy playing with his food to manage to get any in his mouth. They were both cracking up. Ash saw the joy on their faces and looked down at her daughter who could not stop talking about how much fun she had that day.

Right then and there it hit her. No amount of gold medals, World Cup championships, awards, or accolades could ever compare to the dream she was living now. 

She was blessed infinitely more than she could have ever imagined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check out the song "I'm too sexy" by Right Said Fred. It's ridiculous and absolutely perfect for a fake fashion show.


	3. Little Quarreling Angels

Ashlyn was awoken by the sound of her son crying and her daughter screaming at him. Ali was trying to defuse the situation but both children were too worked up. Ash hurried to Lexi's room to see what was going on. There she saw Sam hiding behind her wife crying and holding his head. When he saw Ashlyn walk into the room he ran to her and held out his arms signaling that he wanted to be held. She obliged his request and gave him a kiss. She looked to Ali for an explanation.

"Apparently, Sammy broke Lexi's favorite bracelet. So, she decided the appropriate response was to hit him in the head with his favorite toy train." 

While Ali was updating Ash, Sam maintained a steady flow of tears and just kept asking for his Mama over and over again. "Shhh buddy, it's ok. I'm sure Lexi didn't mean to hurt you." Ash said trying to comfort him. 

In response Lexi said under her breath "Yes, I did." However, she was not quiet enough and both her mothers heard what she said. Ali looked at Ashlyn with frustration written all over her face. Ash could tell she needed a break. She handed Samuel over to her and sat on Lexi's bed. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"Alexandra Elizabeth, come here" Ash said reaching out toward her daughter. "Is was Mommy said true? Did you hit your brother?" 

"Yes," Lexi said, "but he broke my Disney princess bracelet." Ashlyn could tell that she felt absolutely justified in her actions. 

"I'm sorry that he broke your favorite bracelet but people are more important than stuff. It is not ok to hit someone because you're angry. It is especially not ok to hit your little brother." Lexi didn't say a word.She just stared at her feet and tried hard not to cry. She was starting to feel really bad about what she did. Especially with the sound of her brother's sniffling in the background.

"Do you have anything you would like to say to your brother?" Ashlyn asked. The little girl just shook her head no. 

"OK well, you can stay in your room until you're ready to apologize to him. You really hurt his feelings. Lexi, you know that you, Sam and Mommy are the most important thing to me. I love you so much. We have to take care of each other. We will make mistakes and sometimes hurt each other. But we have to forgive and be kind to one another."

Both Ali and Ashlyn kissed Lexi on the top of the head and left her to think about what she had done.They took their son to the kitchen and gave him a popsicle and a bag of frozen peas to put on his head. He was fine but his wound required a little extra love and attention from his mothers. Ali took the responsibility of kissing it and making it all better. He was laughing and smiling in no time. 

About 10 minutes later Lexi walked up to them. When Sam saw her he turned away from her. Ali tried to adjust him in her arms to face Lexi but he was not having it. Ashlyn's heart broke when she saw the expression on Lexi's face. She felt horrible. 

"Hey buddy," Ash said "your sister wants to say something to you. Will you please turn around?"  
He shook his head no. 

"Hey little man, you don't want to hurt Lexi's feelings, do you?" 

He shook his head no again. And turned towards her.

"Lexi, what was it you wanted to say?"Ali asked.

"I'm sorry, Sammy. I love you."

Sam reached out toward his sister and Ali set him down so he could hug her. Lexi decided it was now her job to cheer him up and grabbed his hand and took him to the living room to play with his toys. 

Ali leaned up against Ashlyn, "Well, I think that crisis is over."

"Ha, yeah. I think so....You know what, babe? I think we could use a date night. Our little monsters are wearing me out."

"Yeah, I think you may be on to something there." Ali said with a laugh. "We haven't had much alone time lately, have we?"

Ashlyn laughed and answered her wife "Alone time...What's that?" 

"Alright babe, as blessed as we are to have these little angels, I am gonna figure out some way to show you how much I appreciate you. Leave it to me. I got this." Ali told her while putting her arms around her wife's waist. 

"That sounds great. But I'm not the only one who deserves time away. You're the heart of this family, Alex. You're everything to me." Ashlyn followed these words with a gentle kiss.

The beautiful moment between the women didn't last long. They were interrupted by a high pitched scream followed by two voices yelling "MOM!"


	4. Father's Day

Father's Day

The family had invited Ali's dad over for dinner to celebrate Father's Day. He was currently having a princess tea party with Lexi and Ali in the backyard. Sam was helping Ashlyn with the grill. Ash had prepared all the meat, including making a couple play-dough hot dogs and hamburger patties for her son to "cook" on his toy grill. Whenever Ashlyn flipped a burger, the little boy flipped a burger. If Ashlyn took a drink, he would take one from his sippy cup. He was in awe of his Mama and wanted to be just like her. 

When it came time to take the meat off the grill Ashlyn left on a few burgers and picked up Sam. "Hey Sammy, you wanna help me with these last couple burgers?"

"Yes Mama, can I? I big enough." Sammy replied.

Ashlyn gave him the spatula and held his little hand as he put the burgers on the nearby plate. His face was scrunched up in concentration with his little tongue poking out. He wanted to be careful not to drop it and make sure he made his mom proud.

"Great job, little man!" Ashlyn encouraged him. "That is a great looking burger." 

"I did good!" He cheered and gave Ashlyn a high five topped off with a knuckle touch.

"You did really good! Will you please go and let Mommy, Grandpa and Lexi know dinner is ready?" She asked.

"OK, Mama." He ran off excited to tell his Mommy how good of a job he did helping his Mama with the grill.

After dinner Ali found Ashlyn alone in the kitchen washing dishes. "Hey sweetheart, you don't have to do those right now. Come outside and sit by the fire. Dad is helping the kids make s'mores." Ali told her wife.

"It's fine." Ashlyn answered. "I'll join you in a bit." Ashlyn kept her head down and seemed to be a little too focused on the cup she was washing. Ali could tell there was more keeping her in the kitchen than dirty dishes.

"Hey Ash, can you turn around for a minute?" Ashlyn took a deep breath and slowly let it out. When she turned around Ali could see her eyes were a little glossy and she was biting her lower lip. Two sure signs that she was trying not to cry. Ali immediately grabbed Ashlyn and pulled her into a hug. 

"Baby, what is it?" she asked quietly. Knowing that Ash usually needed a minute to collect her thoughts before she could share her feelings. Ashlyn held her close for a moment and then pulled away. 

She turned around and started washing the same glass she had been washing moments ago. Ali just stared at the back of her head, willing her to speak. But Ashlyn just kept scrubbing that stupid cup. Ali slowly moved toward her and hugged Ash from behind.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want too. I just want to help." Ali said. 

Ashlyn turned the water off and finally answered her wife. "It's just...I don't know. I guess it's stupid." 

Ali reassured her, "I'm sure it's not stupid. If it matters to you, it matters. What is it?"

"I guess I saw your dad playing with the kids and being with you..I mean I love him and all, and I am so thankful for him...I just......it kinda made me sad to think about how I didn't really have that growing up. I guess I just don't understand why a Dad wouldn't want to be a part of his child's life. I know it's not rational to blame the child for a parent's disinterest, but I can't help but think maybe I just wasn't enough or I wasn't what he wanted." Ashlyn had said all of this facing away from her wife and Ali couldn't stand it for one more moment. 

"Ashlyn, baby, will you please turn around." Ashlyn complied and before she knew it she was quietly crying into Ali's shoulder.

"It really is stupid" Ashlyn half laughed, half cried. "I don't know why I am so emotional today."

"It's not stupid, Ash. I know you always get a little sad on some holidays, and that you always try to be the best parent possible to our kids because you worry you're not enough." Ali pulled away a little and made sure she had eye contact with her wife before she continued.

"Ash, I need you to know that all the struggle you went through has made you the most amazing person I know. You are enough. You are more than enough. I am so sorry if anyone has ever made you feel otherwise. But you are a better parent and person than me or our kids could ever wish for." 

Ali's speech was sincere and couldn't be more true. Ash had always made sacrifices and put the family first. She never wanted to let her family down or make them feel like they weren't enough for her. They were everything to her.

By this time Ali was the one in tears and Ash was comforting her. "I love you. Thank you for believing in me." Ashlyn said. Right as she was about to kiss her wife she heard the sliding door open and the little feet of there daughter walk in.

"Mommy, Sammy dropped all the marshmallows in the fire. Grandpa said to ask you for more." 

Ali found the extra bag and handed it to Lexi. Lexi quickly left wanting to make sure she didn't  
miss out on anything fun with her grandfather.

"Well," Ashlyn said, "Why don't we join them." As they made their way to the backyard Ashlyn had one more deep thought to share with her wife.

"Hey Al, you know what they say about s'mores, right? Once you eat one, you'll want s'more." 

Ashlyn could not contain her laughter. She was very pleased with her joke and Ali was sure she would hear it several more times before the end of the night. She didn't care if she said it a million times. It was worth it to see her smile again.

"Babe, did you hear what I said? You'll want s'more. Like some more. S'more. Get it?" Ashlyn couldn't catch her breath from laughing so hard.

"I heard you. You're hilarious." Ali said trying not to sound too sarcastic. Ash gave her a quick squeeze and hurried to the fire to share her wit with the rest of her family. 

Ali just shook her head and said to herself "How did I ever get so lucky to marry that big dork?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To all those who have a hard time on Father's Day, I just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you yesterday. May your struggle bring you greatness.


	5. Worth The Wait

It took three weeks of planning but Ali and Ashlyn were finally able to figure out a way to spend some time alone. Ali had worked it out that her mom would come visit for a week and during that time her and Ash would slip away for some quality time.

Ali's mom had been there now for three days and it was a big help. They practically felt like they were on vacation. Ali had planned a few surprises for their date night and was in the process of getting everything ready. Ashlyn was making a last minute run to the grocery store to make sure grandma and the kids were all stocked up with their favorite snacks.

When Ash got home her mother-in-law sent her straight upstairs to her and Ali's room to get dressed. "I don't know where we are going. What should I wear?" Ali's mom just laughed at her and told her that her wife had it under control. "Of course she does" whispered Ashlyn.

When Ashlyn opened the door to their room she found an outfit set out for her lying on their bed. She shook her head. Her wife really did take care of everything. She heard Ali in the master bathroom getting ready. "Babe, what time do we need to leave?" she asked.

Ali poked her head out the door and told her they had about 30 minutes before they needed to leave. "Als, you are looking good!" Ash said as she tapped the bathroom door open and snuck her arm around Ali's waist. She pulled her close with a firm grip.

Ali knew exactly what Ashlyn was feeling, she was feeling it too, but she also knew how hard it was to get their schedules to line up and do all the things she had planned for the night. Ashlyn would get the affection she was longing for, but she was going to have to wait a little longer.

"Baby, I love you but I need you to get dressed." Ali said as she pushed Ashlyn out the door.

"Baaaaaabe. Are you serious? Come on. We can be really fast. You haven't done your hair yet. It's the perfect time." Ashlyn begged.

"You're ridiculous. Go get dressed and I will do your makeup for you." Ali said.

"Ah, fine." Ashlyn sighed and did as she was told. "Where are we going? You've got me looking fly." Ash said with a cocky grin towards the bathroom door. To this Ali just laughed and rolled her eyes.

It only took Ashlyn a few minutes to get ready. Although she was having trouble getting the knot on her tie just right. She had retied it a dozen times before her wife gently slapped at her hand and took over the task.

"There. What do you think?" Ali asked as she turned her wife towards the mirror.

"It looks perfect. Just like my perfect wife." Ashlyn grinned seductively and slid her hand down her wife's side until it rested on her hip.

"You're sweet....but the answer is still no. We have a reservation to make." Ali said and topped it off by squeezing Ashlyn's cheeks together and giving her a quick kiss on the lips.

Ali and Ash finished getting ready and said their good-byes to Ali's mom and the kids. Ashlyn helped Ali put on her coat and led her outside with her hand on her lower back. She started walking towards her Jeep but Ali had other plans. 

"Nope, we're taking mine tonight." Ali said and pointed to her car. 

"Are you driving?" Ash asked.

"Yeah, you got a problem with that?" Ali challenged.

Ashlyn laughed and declared "Heck no, I love it when my hot wife takes control." 

"Well then, get in the car, buckle up, and shut up!" Ali sternly said.

"Oh, yes ma'am." Ashlyn played along.

The rest of the drive was made up of them flirting and joking around with each other. They made a deal before hand not to talk about the kids or anything that was family responsibilities related. They needed time to just focus on them. 

Their relationship was solid. They had been together for a long time and one of the things that they had promised each other a long time ago was to always try to learn more about the other. They would be intentional about finding out the mysteries that lay within them. They knew each other well, of course, better than any one else on the planet. But they looked at each other like there was always more to find out. It kept their relationship fresh and exciting.

They pulled up to an upscale Italian restaurant and Ashlyn hurried to open her wife's car door. She offered her hand to help her out. "How do you drive in those heels?" Ashlyn asked. 

Ali was dressed in a tight black dress and black matching heels. She knew that dress drove Ashlyn crazy and she was milking it for all she could. She would nonchalantly back into her front and apply a little pressure when they were waiting for their table. Ashlyn would inhale sharply at the contact and Ali would have to remind her to remember to breathe.

Dinner was filled with lingering touches and meaningful glances. Both women's minds were occupied with things other than food. 

"I can't wait for dessert." Ashlyn said raising her eyebrows up and down for effect.

"Me neither. But we will both have to wait. We have 2 more stops tonight." Ali answered.

They paid the bill and Ali took them to a nearby pier. The scene was very romantic. There was a stringed quartet playing and people slow dancing in the moonlight. The dance floor was surrounded by small tables and there was a bar set up on one side. 

Ashlyn loved it. They soon found themselves dancing very closely, hands wandering, and lips meeting. Ashlyn stopped for a moment and pulled away. 

"What is it? What's wrong?" Ali whispered.

"Nothing. Everything...everything is perfect, Alex. I just have to catch my breath. You are so beautiful. My heart feels like it might explode in my chest. It's almost too much. How I love you, I mean. It's almost too much how much I love you. Sometimes I can't take it. It's overwhelming." 

Ashlyn was leaning into Ali and seemed to genuinely need her to support her frame or she might crumble to the ground. Ali could see that her words were genuine and felt that she too was about to burst. 

"Why don't we take a break and get a drink or something?" Ali said and then led her wife to a table and had her sit down. "I will get us some drinks. You stay here and catch your breath." She gave her a kiss and left Ashlyn to collect herself.

While Ali was waiting for their drinks a tall and handsome man approached her. This wasn't anything new to her. Both her and Ashlyn have gotten used to people hitting on them. It used to drive Ashlyn crazy but she has matured over the years and now the only time it bothers her is if the person is being disrespectful toward Ali. She trusts Ali and she can't blame other people for trying. Ali is gorgeous. She isn't just easy on the eyes either. She is the whole package. 

The man was not getting anywhere with his advances, of course. Ali remained polite but stern and told him she was happily married and was not interested. Ashlyn was watching the whole exchange and could tell that her wife was getting a little frustrated. Ali was too nice to push him out of the way so that she could return to her table. 

Ashlyn decided to be of assistance to her and insert herself into the conversation. She tapped the man on the shoulder and said "Hey man, have you got her number yet?"

He turned around trying to brush Ashlyn off and answered, "Excuse me, I was talking to,..." he turned back around towards Ali, "I'm sorry i don't believe you told me your name yet."

Ashlyn tapped him on the shoulder again. Ali tried to hide her smile and not laugh. "Hey man, I bet you I can get her name and number in less than 30 seconds. Aaaaand I bet you I can get her to kiss me too."

The man was beginning to get very annoyed with Ashlyn. She didn't appear to be drunk but she was certainly acting like someone who had lost their senses. 

"Look," the man sternly said to Ashlyn and grabbed her arm, "I really doubt that you are her type. Please just walk away."

As soon as the man touched her wife, Ali stopped having fun and started to get angry. Ashlyn smiled at Ali to let her know she was ok and looked back at the man.

"Look, why don't you let her decide." She said cooly. 

The man let out a breath and gestured for her to have a go at the beautiful woman beside him. He stepped to the side and let her step forward.

"Hey" Ashlyn said quietly. 

"Hey." Replied Ali.

"I think you're hot." Ash said.

"I think you're hot too." Ali said maintaining eye contact and trying to keep a straight face.

"Give me your digits." Ash said and slapped a napkin on the counter next to Ali.

Ali wrote on the napkin and slid it over to Ashlyn.

"What's your name?" She asked after stuffing the napkin in her pocket.

"Alex." Ali whispered.

"Kiss me, Alex!" Ashlyn demanded and grabbed her suddenly and smashed their lips together.

Ali's face turned bright red. She almost felt bad about the poor guy standing behind Ashlyn with his jaw dropped. Ali hid her face in her wife's shoulder and Ashlyn turned toward the guy and stretched out her hand to shake. 

"Hey man, why don't you let my wife and I buy ya a drink for your troubles and for being such a good sport." Ashlyn spoke apologetically. 

"Wife?" The man said still stunned by the scene unfolding before him.

"I told you, I was happily married." Ali chimed in and pointed to her wedding ring. 

"Wow, I guess I never really had a chance did I?" he said.

"Yeah, sorry. Not really." Ashlyn answered.

They bought him a drink and started to walk back to the car.

Ashlyn opened the car door for her wife and helped her in.

She hurried to the passenger side and got in.

"Hey babe, where did you put that napkin I gave you?" Ali asked.

"It's in my pocket, why?" Ash questioned.

"Did you read it?" Ali smirked.

"No Al, I didn't read it. I know your number. It's speed dial 2 in my phone." Ashlyn sarcastically answered her crazy wife.

"Why don't you read it and tell me what it says." Ali said with a smirk developing on her lips.

Ashlyn fished out the napkin from her pocket and looked at it confused. "1203" she read. "What is this, babe?"

"You asked for my number. That's the number of the hotel suite I rented for the night." Ali told her wife with a low quiet voice.

Ashlyn put the paper down and slowly met her wife's gaze. Ali leaned into her wife and stole a kiss while Ashlyn was still putting the pieces together. 

She put her lips right next to Ashlyn's right ear and said "Our night is just getting started."

Ali returned to her seat never losing eye contact with her wife. Ashlyn's eyebrows were scrunched together as reality was dawning on her. She looked in the back seat and saw an overnight bag that Ali must have packed for them.

"No wonder you wanted to take your car." Ash whispered and connected with her wife's stare. 

As a response Ali laughed and said, "Buckle up, babe. It's time for dessert."


	6. Lights and sirens

Ashlyn rolled over and reached out for her wife but found empty space. She glanced at the clock and knew that she was out on her morning run. Ever since the 'kids' thing happened they had to take their daily jogs separately. She kicked off the bedding that was covering her and cursed that it was burning hot so early in the morning. She tried to find a comfortable position but she was having no luck.

She stumbled out of bed and headed straight for the bathroom. She grunted as she looked for something that would settle her stomach. "Why did I eat so many dang hot wings last night?" Ashlyn scolded herself.

She downed the pink liquid and laid back in bed. No matter how much she tried she could not get comfortable. She knew the kids would be up soon, if they weren't already, so she gave up trying to get more rest and checked on her youngest angel. 

"Hey buddy," she whispered into the sleeping boy's ear, "it's about time to wake up." She rubbed his back and gave him a kiss on the cheek. He rolled into her and snuggled up with no intention to get up any time soon. "Come on buddy. I will make you some pancakes if you be a big boy and get up for me."

Sam opened one eye and sleepily asked, "with chocolate chips?"

"Yes, son. I will make you yummy chocolate chip pancakes. But you have to get up for me, ok?"

Ashlyn started to stand up to leave when she felt a tug on her shirt. "Mama." The boy said and raised his hands up toward her neck wanting to be held. 

She lifted him up gingerly, still feeling a little off, and he laid his head on her shoulder, stuck his thumb in his mouth and grabbed hold of her shirt with his free hand. He immediately fell back to sleep.

Ashlyn checked on Lexi, who was already up and talking to her stuffed animals. Ashlyn couldn't be sure but it sounded like she was scolding them for not picking up after themselves. Ashlyn interrupted the one sided conversation "Lex, you are definitely your mother's daughter."

"'What? Of course, I'm mommy's daughter." Lexi said as if she was setting Ashlyn straight.

"I'm gonna make pancakes. Do you wanna help?" Ash asked. 

"Can I flip?" Lexi asked.

"Duh, who else is as good as you are at flipping?" Ashlyn answered.

Ashlyn and the kids headed to the kitchen but their plans for breakfast would never be.

Ashlyn felt a sharp pain in her stomach and barely had the grace to set her son down without dropping him. She laid down in the hallway and tried to stay calm for the kids.

"Mama, what's wrong?" Lexi screamed and started to cry. Her reaction caused her little brother to get really scared. He too joined in and tears started to gather in his eyes. Little Sammy didn't understand anything that was going on and all he could do was cry for his Mama to comfort him. Unfortunately, Ashlyn was struggling to breathe because the pain was so intense.

She grabbed Lexi's hand and instructed her between labored breaths to take her brother with her to get her cell phone off the nightstand by her bed. Lexi grabbed Sam's hand and led him to go get the phone.

Ashlyn used this opportunity to crawl to the hallway bathroom and throw up without the kids seeing it. She was successful in her plan for only a few moments because the kids were back before she could finish.

"Mama, I have your phone. Please don't die." Lexi cried.

"I'm gonna be ok. Push down the number 2. You know that number. That will call Mommy."

Lexi obeyed and impatiently waited for Ali to answer. 

"Hello, Ash? I'm just finishing up my run. I will be there in a few minutes." Ali said, thinking she was talking to her wife.

"Mommy, hurry up. Mama is hurt!" Lexi cried.

Ali could now hear both of her children crying and adrenaline took over.

She was in the house and at Ashlyn's side in 2 minutes flat.

"Ok kids, let's give Mama some space." Ali led both kids to her daughter's room and told them everything was fine and that she would be right back.

Once the kids were out of sight she ran to Ashlyn, "What happened?" She asked her wife who was on the bathroom floor beside the toilet curled up in a ball. 

"I woke up feeling a little sick and then all of a sudden I had a sharp pain in my stomach. It started in the middle but now its more on the right." Ashlyn weakly spoke.

"How bad is the pain, Ash?"

"Really bad." Ashlyn gasped.

Ali knew that her wife was in trouble. Ashlyn was known for downplaying sickness and injuries. She was never overly dramatic about an illness. Ali had no choice but to call 911.

Once she knew an ambulance was on the way she knelt down next to her wife and told her she would be ok. She kissed her sweaty forehead and told her she would be right back and to call for her if she needed her. 

Ali went into super mom mode. She grabbed a bag and stuffed it with the kids favorite toys, some books and snacks. She instructed Lexi to put on her coat and to help Sammy with his jacket. She grabbed their insurance information and Ashlyn's UNC blanket.

As she scrambled around the house she heard a knock at the door. She quickly let the EMT crew in and led them to Ashlyn. Ali tried to comfort her wife but there was so much going on and Ashlyn was in such great pain. She doubted Ash could even hear a word she was saying.

She did her best to hold it together for the kids but was really struggling.

"Ma'am. Is there someone you can call to help you?" a concerned EMT asked.

"What?" Ali was in a daze and couldn't understand why the man would be worried about her when her wife, only a few feet away, was writhing in pain.

"Do you want to call someone to pick you up or to meet you and the children at the hospital?" he asked.

"I can call my dad. He doesn't live very far away." She said in a daze.

"Good. You do that now. We are going to take your wife. She needs immediate attention." He said slowly. making sure that Ali caught everything he said. "You will need to drive separately and meet us at the hospital. We can't fit you and your children in the ambulance. Are you ok to drive?"

Ali knew she had to pull herself together. Ashlyn was on a stretcher and being taken into the back of an ambulance. Her kids were freaking out. She had to be strong.

"Yes. I can drive. We will meet you there. Thank you.....Can I just say one thing to my wife?.....please?" Ali begged.

"Sure, but make it quick."

Ali leaned down and calmly told Ashlyn that she wished she could ride with her but had to follow behind because of the children. Ashlyn of course understood and wouldn't have it any other way, but Ali still felt terrible that she couldn't stay by her side.

"Listen," Ali whispered, "I love you so much. And I need you to promise that you are going to be ok."

Ashlyn held her gaze but was in too much pain to speak. She barely nodded her head but affirmed the promise her wife asked her to make. Ali kissed her and stepped back, allowing the paramedics to close the ambulance door and drive off. 

For a short moment she allowed herself to feel the burden of fear in the possibility of losing her love. She allowed her lungs to lose air and still within her chest. She allowed her heart to crack. But the interruption of her children's voices brought her back to a place of strength and she did what she had to do.  
Ali drove quickly, but safely, to the hospital. She calmly led her children into the waiting room and asked for more information about her wife. She was informed that she was receiving an emergency appendectomy and if everything goes normal she should be just fine.

Ali felt little relief but wouldn't be ok until her wife was safe and near her again. When she returned to the waiting room she found her Dad there sitting with the kids. She went straight to him and let him engulf her in a hug. 

"Sweetheart, try not to worry. She will be ok. Everything will be ok."

...

 

They had been waiting for two hours with no news. Ali's dad was trying to distract the kids but Sammy wasn't interested. He grabbed Ali's leg and tried to pull himself up onto the chair she was sitting on. She picked up her sweet boy and held him close. His face covered in worry and fear. 

The doctor finally came through the door and gave them the news they were waiting for.

"Mrs. Krieger-Harris?" the doctor called.

"That's me!" Ali stood with Sam still snuggled up against her.

"Your wife is fine. She has been moved from recovery to a regular room. The nurse at the reception desk should have all the information you need." 

"Thank you doctor!" Ali hugged the man and rapidly walked to the nurse who knew the info she desperately needed.

Ali handed her son to her father and asked that they stay back for a few minutes. Ali found Ashlyn's room and sat next to her sleeping wife and cried. 

She cried all the tears she had held in trying to be brave for her kids. She cried the tears of guilt she felt for not being at Ashlyn's side from the moment she first felt sick. And she cried because she knew that in a moment her entire life could have come crashing down and there was nothing she could have done to stop it.

Ali cried. And then cried some more. 

Ashlyn, groggy from the pain medication and anesthesia from surgery, tried to comfort Ali. She heard the cries, but could do nothing to stop the tears. All she could do was wait.

It took awhile for Ashlyn to be able to move. She began to stroke Ali's hand with her thumb. Her eyes still closed, and unable to speak. It was all she could do. 

Ali drifted off to sleep to the rhythm of her wife gently stroking her hand. When she woke up she found that her world had not come crashing down around her and that all those who matter most to her were safe.


	7. White Flag

"Alexandra Blaire Krieger!" Ashlyn scolded.

"You forgot the hyphen Harris, wife." Ali tried to lighten the mood.

"Alex."

"Ash."

"This isn't funny, Alex. I specifically asked you not to go by yourself. And you snuck behind my back and went alone. Do you know how dangerous that is?" Ashlyn was a mix of angry and worried. 

Ali had found a great deal for a brand new car seat for Sam on Craigslist but it was in a rough neighborhood. Ashlyn told her she would go with her to pick it up later that night, but Ali decided to go earlier that day to get it out of the way. 

"Sweetheart, you need to calm down. It's not that big of a deal. Nothing happened and now we have a safer car seat for our son. How can you be upset about that?" Ali was starting to feel upset herself, because she believed she didn't do anything wrong. She was being a good mother and managed to save some money at the same time. How could her wife be mad about that?

"Ali, you always do this. You totally disregard me if you think you know better. Well, guess what you don't know better. You should have listened to me!" 

Now Ali was ticked off at Ashlyn. "How can you say that I disregard you? Everything I do is for you and our family. I'm sorry if I don't respond exactly how you want me to when you decide to treat me like a child."

"Expecting you to make a safe and responsible decision is not treating you like a child! It's treating you like my wife, like someone who is important to me and my life." Ashlyn was starting to get choked up. Her voice and body were shaking. "If you can't understand that then I can't talk to you right now!"

Ashlyn grabbed her wallet and left the house, slamming the door behind her. 

Ali just stared at the closed door, wide-eyed. She felt terrible. That last little bit about being responsible and safe because her wife needed her in her life felt like a knife through her heart. Of course Ashlyn was being over protective. That's how Ashlyn was with those she loved most in life. That's something that Ali absolutely loved about her wife. 

She knew she had not only angered her wife, but also hurt her. She wanted to run out the door, find her, apologize, and thank her for being so wonderful...but she couldn't leave the kids. She decided to clean up, make Ashlyn's favorite dinner, and make sure everything was perfect for her when she got home. 

Ashlyn didn't stay out long. She just needed to cool down enough so that the kids didn't see how upset she was. She walked around the block a few times and went rehearsed the conversation they had in her head over and over. No matter what, she could not see how it made any sense at all to Ali to risk her life for the sake of a stupid good deal.

Ashlyn quietly entered the house and headed straight to the fridge to grab some water. Ali was at the stove making dinner.

"Hey." Ali offered as a sign of surrender.

Ashlyn just looked at her and walked away.

Ali turned the burner off on the stove and followed her wife.

"Baby, can you please stop for a minute?" Ali grabbed Ash's arm.

Ashlyn stopped but didn't say a word. 

"Please don't be stubborn right now and just let me apologize to you."

Ashlyn remained silent and rolled her eyes. Her jaw was tight and she still refused to look at Ali.

"Baby, I am sorry. I know you're mad at me right now. I promise you I was just trying to be efficient. I wasn't trying to go against what you said. But you were right. I should have waited. Please forgive me." Ali gave Ashlyn a one-sided hug and pulled away.

Ali continued, "Listen, dinner will be ready in about 15 minutes. I made your favorite. I will give you your space. Just know I love you and I'm really sorry. I'm glad that you're my wife and that you want to keep me safe." 

"Thank you." Ashlyn replied and for the first time since she had returned she looked up at her wife.

Ali gave her wife's hand a small squeeze and went back to the kitchen to finish up dinner.

15 minutes later Ashlyn found her kids all cleaned up and sitting at the table ready for dinner. Ali had the table set and was just finishing bringing everything out. Ash could tell Ali was really trying to make her happy. 

Ash took a deep breath, "Everything smells great." She said. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." Ali quietly answered with a small smile. She could tell her wife was starting to soften up.

\-------

After dinner the family piled into the living room to watch a movie. Ali had made popcorn and knew that this would be a good test to see how mad her wife still was. There was plenty of room in the living room for Ashlyn to be a part of the family activity while still maintaining her own space if she wanted it. However, normally all four family members would cuddle up on the couch and eventually fall asleep together during the movie. Ali followed her wife's every move with a watchful eye.

Ashlyn grabbed Sammy and sat down next to Ali on the couch. Ali didn't question it. She didn't want to push it. She just pulled Lexi up into her lap and settled into the couch with her beautiful family.

Halfway into the movie Lexi retreated to the floor to spread out. Ali felt Ashlyn move next to her and stretch her legs out on the couch. She laid her head in Ali's lap and took Ali's hand and put it on top of her head. This was her normal signal that she wanted her wife to play with her hair and massage her head.

Ali gladly ran her fingers through her hair and looked down lovingly at her wife. 

"So are you done being mad at me now?" Ali asked quietly not wanting the kids to overhear.

"No, I am still a little mad at you. But I miss you more than I'm mad at you." Ashlyn said honestly.

Ali answered her sweet wife with a kiss on her forehead and a soft "I love you."

As if on cue Lexi interrupted. "Shhh! I am trying to hear the movie!"

Both women let out a chuckle. All was right in the Krieger-Harris Kingdom once again.


	8. Life Together

Ashlyn and the kids ran through the airport terminal trying to make it to their gate on time. Ash had a carry-on that Ali had packed for them, a stroller for Samuel, and each child had their own little back-pack filled with toys and necessities for the trip. Ali was in LA with Nike shooting a commercial and was going to meet them in Florida for USWNT camp later that night. Ashlyn was a little overwhelmed, to put it mildly. 

Their trip began with an unusual amount of traffic due to an accident on the way. The two siblings were fighting all the way to the airport causing Sammy to cry for most of the car ride. Once they got to the airport the lines were just too long for the little ones to patiently wait. They were constantly whining and asking Ashlyn for snacks, or asking questions that she simply didn't have the patience to answer. 

It wasn't a surprise to Ashlyn that the day was going so terribly. It's a well known fact that the house ran smoother when Ali was home. She was better at keeping things moving as they should. Ali was great at planning ahead and knowing what her children and wife need before they needed it. This talent especially came in handy when traveling with their children. She was able to avoid fights before the little terrors could even think to get into one.

Ali did her best to get everything ready for them before she left, but she had been gone for a week and there was only so much she could do from the other side of the country. Poor Ashlyn was lacking sleep due to the absence of her wife. The bed seemed way too big without her. She was a great mother and the kids were in the best of hands, but she was exhausted.

Ashlyn and the kids made it to the gate to find that their plane was delayed. She let out a frustrated laugh as she found two seats next to each other and plopped the kids down.

"Mama, I'm hungry!" Lexi whined. 

"Give me your backpack. There are some fruit snacks in there." Ashlyn said. She took her bag and handed the snacks to both children.

"No Mama! Those are mine. Don't give those to him!" Lexi screamed.

Ash took a breath and calmly but firmly responded, "We share in our family. He will share with you later. You need to act like a big girl and quiet down."

"Mama, up." Sam wanted Ash to hold him and raised up his arms toward her. 

"Hold on, buddy." She answered him.

"Mama, up!" Sam whined louder.

"Samuel you need to wait just a minute I am helping Lexi with her bag." Ash responded. She was ready to cry. But she was too busy trying to keep her kids from having their own nervous breakdown.

Ashlyn finished putting the snacks away and getting Lexi's bag organized. She picked up her son and sat down next to her daughter. As she was trying to get herself and son comfortable, her phone rang.

"It's Mommy! Let me answer it!" Lexi said. She took the phone right out of Ashlyn's hand and answered it.

At this point Ashlyn had had enough. She grabbed the phone back from her daughter and told her wife to hold on.

Ali could hear Ashlyn scolding their daughter for taking her phone without asking.

"Hey Al." Ash said, after she told their daughter to behave and sit still.

"Hey, everything ok? That seemed a little harsh." Ali answered her wife. 

"You don't know the day that we have had. She has been misbehaving since we left the house." Ash answered.

"Yeah, but I think it's okay for her to be excited and want to talk to me. Maybe you need to relax a little. She's five. You can't expect her to be perfect." 

"Whatever." Ashlyn took the phone away from her own ear and handed it to Lexi. "Here Lex, talk to your mom." Ashlyn was done with hearing about her inadequacies as a mother at that moment.

Ali was shocked. She obviously had misjudged the level of frustration her wife had dealt with that day. Ali decided to try again with her wife. She greeted Lexi with an upbeat and positive tone but promptly asked to speak to Ashlyn again.

Lexi handed her mother the phone and started complaining that she didn't get a long enough turn to talk to Ali.

"What?" Ashlyn said. Irritation dripping from her voice.

"So, I take it things haven't gone too well for you today." Ali answered.

"You could say that." Ash's tone softened and she now sounded defeated.

"I'm sorry, Baby. I wish I was there to help."

"We probably wouldn't even be having these problems if you were here. Apparently, I am a horrible mother who can't even take care of her own kids without having a nervous breakdown." Ashlyn's voice was cracking.

"Hey, that's not true. It's hard on any day to get them to behave when we travel. But it's especially hard while one of us is gone...and even harder when one of us has been gone for so long. I'm sorry you feel that way, and I wish I was there to help you. But I know you are doing a great job." Ali encouraged her wife.

"I'm really not." Ashlyn still sounded so discouraged.

Ali didn't know what to say. Normally she would be there and be able to give Ash an encouraging hug. She felt helpless. 

"Hey...Ali said. "...I'm gonna see you tonight and everything will be back to normal." Ali added with a quiet laugh, "Well, as normal as we can be."

"Yeah, for real. We are so not normal. But I guess it's worth it if I get to spend my life with you." Ashlyn's voice and attitude were starting to perk up. She was feeling much better just with the realization that she wasn't alone. Ali was there even though she wasn't physically beside her and their life together really was beautiful.

...

The flight to Florida was horrific. The kids were scared to death because of turbulence and they were all tired. Ashlyn offered to buy all of the surrounding passengers headphones so that they wouldn't have to listen to Sam cry the whole flight.

There was one impatient man who almost caused Ash to completely lose it. He had made a comment to how the kids would probably be better behaved if her husband was around. When Ashlyn kindly corrected him and said that they would probably be better behaved if her 'wife' had been there he responded hatefully. 

These kind of situations always were 50/50 for Ashlyn. She either wanted to defend her family and tell the ignorant person off or stay calm and show her kids that there was a better way to deal with people who believe differently. 

This time around she knew she was on the edge and that her emotions were already raw and quite honestly, so were her kids'. She also knew Ali wouldn't approve of her making a scene, so she just rolled her eyes and acted as if the man didn't exist.

The ride to the hotel was uneventful. The kids went down for a nap almost immediately after they arrived at the hotel and found their room. Ashlyn was more than happy to join them. They might have slept through the nigh,t but Ash was awoken by someone entering the room.

"Hey, sorry if I woke you."

"Hey," Ashlyn groggily answered. "If it isn't my long lost wife." Ashlyn patted the space next to her in bed and Ali threw off her shoes and laid next to her wife, cuddling up into her side.

"Look at our sweet angels." Ali half joked, knowing that they had been little hell-raisers for her wife. 

"Yeah sure. Angels. Whatever you say, wife."

Ashlyn was done talking. She squeezed Ali tight and kissed her for all the days and nights she didn't have the chance. Of course with their little 'angels' next to them the kiss didn't get too heated...but it didn't matter. Both Ali and Ashlyn felt whole again. 

"Hey, next time I hang out with Nike and you deal with the kids, okay?" Ashlyn joked.

"Sounds like a plan, my Love. Now why don't we get some much needed sleep before camp starts tomorrow?" Ali answered.

"I am so down with that. Love you, wife. I missed you so much!" Ash said.

"Me too, baby. Me too."


	9. What Makes You Rich

"Go Mama, go! Go Mama, go!" Sam yelled, cheering on Ashlyn.

He was sitting on his aunt Tobin's lap and some of the team was watching the keepers finish up their drills at the end of practice. The kids loved all the players on the team but Sam took an extra liking to Tobin. He referred to her as his 'girlfriend.' Tobin didn't mind. He was quite a catch. He was cute, funny and he liked to cuddle. What more could you ask for?

Tobin joined him in his cheer and threw in a few tickles to get him to laugh every few minutes. Whitney snatched one of his feet, took off his shoe and tickled him, as well. Samuel was cracking up and trying to wiggle free.

"Auntie Whit-ey stoooooop." He giggled. Sam still couldn't quite get the 'N' right in Whit's name. He was pretty close to the woman, though. Ali and Ash referred to all of their team mates as 'aunts' to the kids but he only used that term for Whit and HAO. Those two, along with Tobin, were his favorites and all three women loved it.

Lexi, on the other hand adored Cheney, Alex and Syd. They would have make-over dance parties and let her dress up in their clothes. She was in heaven when those three were around. She was currently dancing with Pinoe and Syd while Ali was finishing up with her stretches.

There was a game the next day and both Ashlyn and Ali were set to be on the starting roster. Ashlyn was excited that the kids would get to see both of their mothers play for the national team in the same game. She didn't take any call-up, roster spot, or start for granted. Obviously Lexi and Sammy didn't fully understand the hard work and will to continue on through disappointment after disappointment that had brought Ashlyn to her place on the team now. 

For years all she had was a dream that seemed impossible. But she kept on dreaming anyway. Her struggle was not unique to her, of course. Every player who made it to that level of play had made sacrifices and worked their butts off to get there. Every player deserved it. The question was who deserved it more.

Ashlyn was finally starting to see more hopeful amounts of playing time. She was finally hearing her name in the conversation for US keepers to watch. She felt like her professional life was starting to fall into place. 

Ali's road was a little different. It was not uncommon for her to be considered as one of, if not, the best right back in the women's game. This sometimes caused Ashlyn to feel a little jealous, not in a negative way towards Ali, but it made her focus on how she just wasn't good enough. She had worked through all of those emotions as she matured as a person and player. She was entering a season in her life where she was just scratching the surface of her greatness as a keeper and team mate.

She was starting to realize that her accomplishments were much sweeter now that she could share them with her wife and children. She almost thanked God that she did have to come such a long way and didn't have it handed to her sooner. The timing was absolutely perfect for her. Her support system was in place and she had 3 of the best reasons to succeed.

She had finished up her drills and was approaching the smallest of those 3 reasons now.

"Hey Sam-Bam." She called out to her son.

"Mama, you did good!" He answered and ran to her. 

"Thanks, bud. Did you have fun with Whit and Tobin?"

"Yeah, they gave me tickles." He grabbed Ashlyn's neck and started playing with a few stray hairs. "Mama, you sweaty."

"I know. It's hot out here. Let's go find your Mommy and sister so we can get cleaned up and have some fun." Ashlyn answered him.

...

After practice, showers and naps for the little ones, Ali and Ash took the kids to get lunch with some of their team mates and then went to see a movie. Sam loved popcorn. His small little frame sat in the theater seat with a huge bucket of popcorn in his lap and chomped away the whole movie long. It always amazed his parents how much popcorn he could eat. He usually was a picky eater and barely ate anything they gave him. Ali snapped a picture of her son sitting there with his popcorn and 3D glasses and smiled. She was so thankful for her family. 

After the movie the family made their way back to their hotel room. Sammy was starting to get a little fussy and was ready for his nap. Ashlyn laid him down on the bed and read him a quick story while he sucked his thumb and played with the bracelets on one of her wrists. He fell asleep before his Mama read the third page of his book about trains.

Christie had texted Ali and asked if Lexi would be interested in a play date with her daughters. Ali was got Lex ready for that and was gonna drop her off at her fellow defender's room. 

"Hey baby, I'll be right back." Ali said as she and Lexi left the room.

Ashlyn sat on her and Ali's bed and thumbed through Samuel's book. She had read it a hundred times but what else was there to do while half her family was gone and her baby was asleep. She turned the tv on but kept the volume muted. She pulled out her phone and scrolled through all her favorite social media sites. After the last week she had taking care of the kids while her wife was away, you would think that she would appreciate the silence. Instead she felt unsettled and wanted to fill the void with anything she could think of.

Ali was only gone for about 10 minutes but it still felt too long. When she finally returned she found Ash sitting on the bed reading Sam's book.

"Baby, you know that book is supposed to be for our 3 year old right?" Ali mocked her wife.

Ashlyn looked up and smiled. "The story of the journey of this little train is riveting. You could learn a lot from this train. Maybe if you read this story you would know that family and friends are what makes you rich in this world. Maybe if you knew that you would be giving me kisses right now instead of making fun of me." Ash answered matter of factly.

"Oh, ok. I am so sorry. Let me cover your face in a million kisses." Ali sarcastically said and then grabbed her wife's face and gave her the sloppiest wettest kisses she could.

"Ah, you're gross! Stop!" 

Ali saw Sam sleeping quietly in the bed he and his sister had shared and said, "Shh! Don't wake up our little prince!"

Ashlyn laid them both down on the bed and kissed Ali on the top of the head. 

"So, what are the dinner plans for tonight?" Ash asked.

Ali propped herself up and leaned on her elbow so she could look at Ashlyn face to face. "Well, I was kinda thinking I could take the kids out and spend the evening with them while you take the night off and have fun with some of the girls."

Ashlyn scrunched her face in confusion. "Why would you not want me with you guys?" She seemed genuinely hurt.

"Oh, my sweet wife." Ali said and grabbed Ash's face with both hands. "It's not that I don't want you with us. I just figured after the week you had with them you might have missed being able to have a little fun. I wanted to give you a break."

"The only thing I missed while you were gone was you." Ashlyn honestly said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Ali's heart melted. "Have I ever told you how much I love you?"

"Hmm." Ash mischievously hummed. "I might remember hearing something like that once or twice." 

"Well, let me remind you." Ali leaned down and kissed her wife. They continued kissing for several minutes and Ashlyn started to get worked up. She pulled Ali up on top of her and let her hands explore her wife's body.

"Sweetheart, I missed you just as much as you missed me but we have to stop. Our son is asleep in the bed right next to us." Ali said and removed herself from her wife's embrace.

"You're killing me right now, Alex."

"I know, but I think it is important for us not to traumatize our son. I'm sorry." Ali answered. "Besides it looks like our little guy is waking up."

Sure enough Samuel was rubbing at his eyes and starting to stir. It seemed like the whole universe was against Ashlyn receiving any lovin' from her wife because right at that moment they heard a knock at the door. Ali gave Ash a quick kiss and got up to answer it.

She looked through the peephole before opening. "It's Tobs and Alex." She told her wife. She opened the door and let the two women in.

"Hey, Alex and I were wondering if we could take my little boyfriend out for some ice cream." Tobin asked.

"That sounds perfect." Ashlyn said. She got up a little too quickly and started getting Sam's stuff together. Maybe the universe wasn't against her after all. 

Ali couldn't help but laugh at her wife's obvious excitement. "That would actually be great. Just give us a minute to get him ready for you." 

Ali walked over to her boy and picked him up. "Hey Sammy, I'm glad you're awake. Looks who's here to see you." She brought him over to Tobin and he immediately reached out for her to hold him.

"Hey, little dude. You wanna get some ice cream with me and Alex?" Sam didn't hesitate to shake his head yes. He broke out into a big smile and hugged Tobin tightly. He loosened his grip and turned to Ashlyn. 

"Mama, I go get ice cream with Toby." He said with a huge smile.

"I know, buddy. What kind are you gonna get?" She asked him.

"Cookies!" He exclaimed.

"That's what he calls cookie dough ice cream, in case you were wondering." Ali chimed in.

"Sounds good to me!" Alex said.

Ashlyn gave them his stroller and a bag full of a few snacks and little toys in case he might get antsy. 

They were all set and he gave both moms a big hug and kiss. 

When the three of them left the room Ali closed the door. 

"So, where were we?" Ashlyn asked while laying on their bed and trying to look as seductive as possible.


	10. 3:14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is structured a little differently. I hope it isn't too confusing.

3:14 am. The time was burned into Ashlyn's memory. That is what she saw on the alarm clock on her night stand when she was suddenly awakened. That was the time when her world stopped.

...

Earlier that morning...

1:15 am

Ali was taking residence in her usual spot, snuggled up into Ashlyn's left side. She had her head resting on Ash's chest and one arm across Ashlyn's stomach. She was being held securely by her wife and they were both sound asleep. Neither of them could hear Ashlyn's cell phone.

 

2:00 am

This time it was Ali's phone that rang. It woke Ash up but she was too out of it for her brain to register that she was hearing a phone. Ashlyn just rolled over towards Ali until her wife was the one holding her. She laid her head down on Ali's chest and immediately fell back to sleep.

 

2:30 am

Ashlyn pulled herself out of Ali's embrace and sleepily made her way to the bathroom. After she was finished, she checked in on both her children's rooms and returned to her wife's side. She fell asleep without any problem, leaving her phone still unanswered.

 

3:10 am

Ali groaned and started to squirm. She heard her wife's phone ringing. It seemed so loud against the silence of the night. "How can you sleep through that?" she asked her wife. But Ash just continued to quietly snore against Ali's shoulder.

"Uhh!" Ali groaned. She tried to reach over her wife's body without disturbing her but the distance to her night stand seemed miles away. Ashlyn felt like dead weight on her. The phone stopped ringing.

 

3:11 am

This time the ringing was coming from the other direction. It was Ali's phone on the opposite night stand. "You have got to be kidding me!" Ali said as she reached over to answer it.

 

3:14 am

Ali was wide awake and staring down at her wife sleeping peacefully. She gently kissed her forehead "I am so sorry." She whispered. She gently stroked Ashlyn's face. "Baby, I need you to wake up for me." She bent down and kissed her on the head again.

Ashlyn groaned quietly and stretched out her legs and turned towards the clock on her night stand. She opened one eye slightly and saw that the clock read 3:14. "Al, it's three in the morning. WHY?" Ash asked.

"Sweetheart, your brother just called. He's been trying to call you all night." Ali put a hand on Ashlyn's shoulder. Ash was still facing away from her. She was now wide awake and staring at the clock. She knew whatever was coming wasn't going to be good. She held her breath and waited for her wife to drop the bad news.

"Ashlyn, can you hear me?" Ali was worried. She hated having to be the bearer of bad news. "Honey?" Ali shook Ashlyn. Ashlyn hummed as a response to let her know she did, in fact, hear her.

Ali removed any space between her and her wife by embracing her from behind. She spoke quietly and slowly. "Ashlyn, your brother said that your grandfather had a stroke last night. He passed away this morning. I am so sorry."

Ashlyn didn't say a word. She didn't move. She didn't even blink. She just kept staring at the clock. "Baby?" Ali asked, trying to get some kind of response. But there was just emptiness hanging in the air.

Ali got up and walked over to Ashlyn's side of the bed. She knelt down right in front of her face, blocking her wife's view from anything other than her own sympathetic eyes. Ashlyn finally registered what Ali said and that she was right in front of her. Ash lifted her eyes and met her wife's gaze. Ali reached out her hand to Ashlyn's face. Ashlyn turned her lips towards Ali's hand and kissed it. Her eyes started to glisten. She closed them tightly, trying to stop the tears from coming.

Ali positioned herself back on the bed. She sat against the headboard and put Ashlyn's head in her lap. She stroked her hair and whispered, "I'm so sorry" and "I love you," over and over again until Ashlyn fell asleep.

...

5:15 am

Ali left Ashlyn in bed, hoping she could get some rest while she made herself busy with making arrangements. She had to book their flight, arrange for her mom to meet them in Florida to watch the kids, and pack suitcases for the four of them.

 

7:30 am

Ashlyn woke up alone in bed. Her eyes were red and her head hurt from crying. It was the headache that brought back the memory of her wife telling her that her grandfather had died. When she didn't see Ali next to her, she decided she needed to find her.

Ali was in the kitchen making breakfast for the family. The children were both at the table eating toast while they waited for their Mom to finish the eggs she was scrambling. Ashlyn made a beeline for Ali. She walked up behind her, put her head on her shoulder, and her arms around her waist.

"Hey." Ali whispered and turned around in Ash's embrace. "How are you feeling?"

"Not great." Ash answered. "Did you tell the kids?"

"I just told them you weren't feeling well. And that we were going to go visit my Mom."

"What?" Ash was confused. She hadn't really thought about all of the logistics yet.

"I wasn't sure if you would want to be the one to tell them. So, I didn't tell them the whole reason why we are flying to Florida." Ali answered.

"We're flying to Florida?" Ash was obviously still in shock.

"I already bought the tickets. We are leaving in a couple of hours. My Mom is meeting us at the airport and will take the kids. We'll head to your Grandma's place after that." Ali had everything taken care of.

"Oh. Okay." Ash said. "What do you need me to do?"

"I need you to eat some breakfast and take a shower. That's it." Ali kissed her wife and led her to the table. She brought her a cup of coffee and kissed her again. This time on the cheek.

"Mama, Mommy says you're not feeling good." Lexi said.

Ashlyn just sorta stared at her coffee and gave a delayed response.

"Yeah, Mommy's right. I'm not feeling too good." Ashlyn looked up at Lexi and could see that her daughter felt bad for her. She gave a forced smile and said "I think I am just gonna go take a shower now. I'm not very hungry."

Ashlyn stood up and was about to leave when she felt Ali's hand on her back. Ali told the kids she would be right back and escorted her wife back to their room.

"I know you might not feel like it but you really should eat something." Ali encouraged.

"I'm sorry. I can't eat anything. I need to do something. I just can't sit at that table and pretend everything is fine." Ashlyn slightly raised her voice.

Ali placed one hand on each of Ashlyn's shoulders and said, "You don't have to pretend everything is fine, Baby. No one is asking you to do that. Do whatever you have to do to grieve. It's okay. I am here for you. You don't have to be strong. I can be strong enough for the both of us, right now."

Ashlyn dropped her gaze to the floor and once again felt tears threatening to spill. "I'm fine." She said as she pulled away from Ali's grip, she headed for the master bathroom. Once inside, she closed and locked the door. She turned the shower water on, collapsed to the floor, and cried.

Ali heard her wife's sobs, but knew she wanted to be alone. Ali couldn't bring herself to leave, though. So she sat against the outside of the bathroom door and quietly cried to herself. She would do anything to be able to take this pain away from her wife.

 

7:45 pm

The plane was about to land at the airport. The entire trip felt like a dream to Ashlyn. She stared out the window the whole way. Ali took care of the kids and everything else. She knew Ashlyn was mentally checked out. She didn't really mind. Ashlyn was in survival mode, but soon she would have to face the harsh reality. Ali decided to let Ash do whatever she needed to do to get through these next few days.

 

10:55 pm

Ali and Ashlyn finally arrived at Ash's Grandma's place. They didn't even bother to knock. They figured she was asleep and Ashlyn still had her key. It was the moment Ashlyn turned the key, opened the door, and crossed the thresh hold of the house that it all hit her. She fell to the floor, grabbed Ali's legs, buried her face in Ali's waist, and sobbed. Ali lifted Ashlyn up and helped walk her to the guest room so she could lay with her as she cried.

...

6:00 am

The next morning Ali woke up to an empty bed. She wiped the sleep from her eyes and went looking for her wife. She found her sitting with her Grandma in the back yard garden. Ali approached from behind them quietly and placed a hand on Ashlyn's shoulder to let her know she was there. Ashlyn grabbed her wife's hand and led her to sit in her lap. She sat sideways facing Grandma, and put an arm around Ashlyn. Ashlyn leaned into Ali and rested her head on her shoulder while they drank coffee and talked.

 

10:00 am

"Baby, why don't you try to get a little sleep before the rest of your family gets here." Ali knew Ashlyn didn't sleep well. She felt every movement of the woman the night before. She was restless all night.

She continued, "You have about 2 hours before people will start arriving. I can help your Grandma get ready. You don't need to worry about a thing." Ashlyn squeezed Ali's hand and did her best to fall asleep.

 

1:00 pm

The worst part was having to greet every person that walked through the door. None of them had seen Ashlyn in awhile so they all wanted to catch up with her. Thankfully she had Ali there to do most of the talking. She couldn't have made it through lunch without her.

 

3:15 pm

"So..." Ashlyn's mom spoke up, "we have to figure out the arrangements for the funeral." Everyone was gathered around the dinner table, including the family pastor. Ashlyn felt like she was being ambushed. She got up and walked out.

Ali followed her into the garden. "Are you okay?"

"We can't just plan a funeral. I'm not ready to say good-bye." Ashlyn said.

"Baby, we have to make the arrangements. It's just how things are done. We can't leave him at the hospital." Ali said. She regretted her words as soon as she saw her wife's face.

"He's alone at the hospital?! They left him there?" Ash was losing it.

"Ashlyn, look at me." Ali grabbed her. "It's ok. You need to breathe. Take some deep breaths." She was genuinely concerned for the health of her wife.

Ali waited until it seemed Ashlyn had calmed down a bit. She had her sit down and stroked her hand to keep her focus with her. "Baby, are you okay? You need to stay with me, right now. Focus on my words." She calmly said with a slow and smooth voice.

"I'm here." Ashlyn quietly answered.

"Okay, good." Ali gave her a small smile. "Your Grandfather lived a long and happy life. You and your brother added so much joy and love to his time. He would want you and your family to celebrate his life, not stop living your own."

"Alex, he was the closest thing I had to a father. And now he's gone." There it was. Ali knew it was coming. She knew that he was much more than a grandparent to Ashlyn. He was the only man in her life, besides her brother, that cared enough to stick around. He accepted her just as she was and never wanted her to be anything other than who she was born to be.

"Ashlyn, I know how much he meant to you. I know that he loved you so much. I wish that I knew the right words to say to make everything better. I just love you so much!" Ali was crying now, and Ashlyn was trying to comfort her.

"Als, the best thing you can do for me right now is just be here. I am so thankful for you."

Ali held her tight as they both cried.

 

5:30 pm

The family had finished up the planning and were getting ready to go out to get dinner together. Ali ended up cleaning the kitchen. The family pastor walked in with a bag of trash and got it all ready to take outside. Ali stopped him before he could leave.

"Hey, I wanted to ask you something." She was pretty nervous. She didn't know the guy and didn't really know how he felt about the whole gay thing. She wasn't sure how he was going to treat her, but she thought she would give it a shot.

"Sure," he said with a smile.

"I...ummm...well, I was just wondering. I mean, I figure you deal with this sort of thing a lot. And I was wondering...like...um, what do you say to make people feel better when their loved one dies?" She finally got it out.

"'Well, I have learned that there really isn't anything you can say. People need to grieve. They need to say good-bye. What I've learned is it's not so much what you say but more about you just being there. These days it's a rare thing to find someone who will go through the dark days with you. If you show up when there are no words to say, you say more than speaking ever could."

Ali let out a short laugh. "That's basically what my wife said when I told her I didn't know what to say to make her feel better."

 _"Oops,"_ Ali thought. _"Well, I guess we are gonna find out what he thinks about me and my gayness now."_

He smiled and pointed at Ali, as if recognizing an old friend. "You're Ashlyn's wife! I am glad I finally get to meet you."

"Can I be honest with you?" Ali asked.

"I would hope that was the only way you were with me." He answered.

"I really wasn't sure what to expect from you. You're a man of God and I just never know if you guys are gonna hate my wife and I or not. So you're cool about us?" she asked.

"Ya know, I believe that God is love and if I am treating others in any way other than love, then I am not a man of God."

"Good answer." Ali smiled. "I'm gonna go check on my wife. Thank you for your advice and your kindness."

...

Three days later they had Ashlyn's Grandfather's funeral. The service was beautiful. They spread his ashes in the ocean by their family beach house. Ashlyn was exhausted and ready to go home.

Ali's Mother brought the kids to meet them at a restaurant by the airport. Ashlyn still wasn't her old self but she was getting there. She laughed and played with the kids. She held them tight vowing to give them the love and acceptance that her grandparents showed her.

That night when they arrived back home and after they put the kids to bed, Ashlyn pulled Ali into a tight embrace.

"Alex, I just want to thank you for everything. I love you and I feel so lucky to be married to you. Thank you for loving me back."

Ali pulled Ashlyn even closer and kissed her with all the passion she could communicate. She still couldn't find the words to say to her wife, but she knew that Ashlyn understood.


	11. Concussed

The Spirit had just beaten the Dash 2-1 in a very physical match. Ali had been in several tough challenges and Ashlyn took a knee to the stomach and a foot to the face. They both seemed fine, but would probably be sore for the next few days. 

Both kids were in the stands with Ali's Dad and were excited to see their parents, and not to mention their Aunt Whitney. Ali headed straight for them so that they could mingle with the players during their post-game cool down.

"Hey guys, did you have fun with Grandpa?" Ali asked while picking up Samuel and giving Lexi a hug.

"Yes!" Sam excitedly answered. "We had cotton candy."

"Woah, that's awesome! Did you tell your Grandpa thank you for taking such good care of you?" Ali asked.

"No." Sam said, not realizing that that was the wrong answer. He was just being honest.

"I did, Mommy." Lexi proudly chimed in and gave her brother a smirk.

"Good girl, Lexi. Sammy, why don't you give Grandpa a hug and kiss and tell him thank you for taking such good care of you." Ali passed the boy back to her Dad and he gladly pulled his grandson into a big hug. 

Sam kissed him on the nose and said, "Thanks, Gramps!" This got a big laugh from the two adults.

Ali felt a tug on her shorts and looked down to see a worried Lexi. "What's wrong, Lex?"

"Is Mama okay?" Lexi said and pointed to Ashlyn lying on the ground with a trainer and Whitney kneeling beside her. 

Ali honestly wasn't sure. She thought everything was fine, but usually after a game Ash would be shaking hands with players right about now. 

"Why don't you two stay here with Grandpa while I go check on her." Ali said. Her father could tell she was worried. He gave her an affirming nod of understanding.

Ali was about to leave but then a little hand grabbed her jersey. 

"Mommy, I want to see Aunt Whit-ey." Sam whined.

"You will see her. I am gonna go get her. You stay right here." Ali answered and kissed his cheek.

Ali jogged over to where Ash was lying down. Ashlyn had her hand over the right side of her face and seemed to be grimacing. Whit was still knelt down beside her but didn't seem to be too concerned. This brought some comfort to the worried defender.

"Hey, is everything okay?" Ali asked Ashlyn and really anyone around that would give her a straight answer.

"Ash said she is feeling a little dizzy and her eye hurts." Whitney answered. "Which makes sense since it has tripled in size since we've been sitting here."

Concern returned to Ali's face and she carefully grabbed her wife's hand and removed it so that she could see the damage.

"Baby, are you okay?" Ali asked.

Ashlyn struggled with Ali to put her hand back over her eye. "I'm fine, it just hurts. Especially with the light."

"Sweetheart, it sounds like you have a concussion." Ali said. The trainer nodded next to her in agreement and instructed that she would need to get some tests done to make sure it wasn't too bad.

Ali and the trainer helped Ashlyn to her feet and were ready to lead her into the locker room to get checked out. Ali turned quickly towards Whitney.

"Hey Whit, do you mind hanging with the kids until we finish up? I know your little nephew is especially excited to see you." Ali said and pointed to where they were waiting.

"You got it." Whit said and headed towards the stands to find them.

"Just tell them Ash has a headache and that everything is fine." Ali yelled toward her. Whitney gave her a thumbs up and continued to walk over to where the kids were.

"If it isn't my two favorite little monsters!" Whitney said and hugged the two adorable rugrats.

"I am not a monster. I'm a princess!" Lexi corrected her aunt.

"Oh, I am so sorry. I hope I didn't offend you." Whit joked.

"Auntie Whit-ey!" Sam exclaimed and tried to wiggle out of his grandfather's grip. He reached out toward Whitney and she gladly took him into her arms.

"Hey buddy, I missed you so much!" Whit whispered in his ear and showered his fat little cheeks with kisses. 

Sam giggled at the ticklish kisses and answered "Miss you more!"

With Sam in one arm and the other arm stretched out holding Lexi's hand, she took both kids and greeted the many players on the field who were eager to get big hugs and kisses from them. 

It took about 20 minutes, but the two married women returned to the pitch. Ashlyn was sporting some sweet shades and had her hand on Ali's shoulder for balance. Sam was the first to see his parents and took off sprinting towards them. Whitney tried to grab him to stop him, but then noticed where he was heading. Sam collided right into Ashlyn's legs and held tight to her left leg with one arm, while raising the other up to signal that he wanted to be picked up.

Ali bent down and picked him up and positioned him close enough to give Ashlyn a hug.

"Hey, bud." Ash said quietly.

"Mama, you played good." Sam encouraged a little too loud.

Ashlyn winced a little bit and Ali put Sam back on the ground and told him to go find his Aunt Whitney.

"Okay!" Sam said and immediately turned around and went sprinting towards her.

Ali used this opportunity to find her dad. She brought Ash to him and asked if he could take her home right away while she signed autographs and took the kids to pick up dinner. Of course he was more than happy to help.

"Make sure you stay with her until I get there." Ali was very protective.

"Al, it's not a big deal. It's just a mild concussion. No need to inconvenience your dad."

"It's not an inconvenience...Right Dad?" Ali said. She looked at her dad for some help.

"Not at all. I am glad to hang out with my favorite daughter-in-law." He smiled at Ashlyn.

"You two are too much." Ashlyn said and surrendered to her wife's babying.

The original plan was to take Whit and Kling out to dinner with the family, but it now seemed to make more sense to have them over at the house for a quiet family night. Thankfully, Ali and Ash had driven the Jeep so there was plenty of room for three adults and two kids with car seats. Ali's car would have been a tight fit.

When they pulled into the driveway, the house seemed pretty dark. Ali reminded the kids that Mama had a headache and they needed to be quiet. Ali entered to find both her wife and father in the living room. Ash was lying in the recliner, feet up and eyes closed. Her dad was watching a muted Sports Center episode.

Ali headed straight to her wife. She could tell she was awake, so she rubbed her arm and got her attention. 

"Baby, how are you feeling?"

"Better. The room isn't spinning anymore. I am just a little sensitive to the light." Ash answered.

"Your eye looks terrible" Ali turned her attention to her father, "Dad, you couldn't get her any ice to put on it?" Ali asked annoyed that her Dad didn't think about it.

"She said she just wanted to relax and that she needed it dark and quiet." Her Dad said. He honestly felt bad that he didn't think to ice her eye.

"Alex, it's okay. I think your Dad has gone above and beyond. Chill." Ashlyn set her wife straight.

"You're right. I'm sorry. I am just worried." Ali apologized.

"It's fine." Ali's dad smiled and gave his daughter a side hug.

"Oh hey Dad, we've got Chinese food in the kitchen if you're hungry." Ali said and Mr. Krieger decided to go and partake of the deliciousness awaiting him. 

"Don't mind if I do." He said as he promptly left the two women.

Ali turned her attention back to her wife. "I don't know if you're up to it but Whit and Meghan are here for dinner. I told them you may or may not be able to hang out." Ali informed her wife.

"No, I'm good. As long as it doesn't get too loud or bright."

Ali helped Ash up and could tell immediately that she was feeling better. She was far more balanced and didn't need Ali to support her while she walked.

...

Grandpa Krieger spent most of the night playing with the kids outside while the women caught up on all the recent happenings in their lives. Ashlyn was improving by the minute and Ali finally stopped worrying.

Once Ali put the kids to bed and dropped Whit and Kling off at their hotel, she was finally ready to settle down and relax with her wife. Ali did her usual bedroom check and made sure her precious babies were asleep and happy. She finished her check up with her own room and saw that her wife, though a little battered and bruised, appeared to be okay. 

"Hey, wife." Ash whispered and grabbed Ali's wrist so that she would stop fussing over her. "How are you feeling? You took some pretty hard hits too." 

"I'm sore, but fine. I'm much better knowing that you're okay."

"For real, Alex. I am fine. It's not a big deal. Other than the fact that I have to put my modeling career on hold until the swelling and bruising goes away, everything is fine." Ashlyn joked.

"You're such a dork." Ali laughed. "I think you're the most beautiful face I've ever seen, bruised or not."

"Yeah, right....Now who's the dork?" Ashlyn said and pulled Ali on top of her.

"Uh huh. Nope. No fooling around until you're no longer concussed, missy."

"Fooling around? Babe, I am truly offended. You've got me all wrong. I am just trying to say thank you for taking such good care of me." Ash said as she slipped one hand beneath the elastic of Ali's underwear and grabbed her butt forcefully.

"Oh, I'm sure." Ali answered. However, she stayed right where she was. 

"Oh yeah." Ashlyn said almost sarcastically. "You're the best, babe." Ash now took her other hand and slid it up her wife's shirt and cupped her breast, giving it a little squeeze.

"Okay, seriously. This can't happen. Don't make me put a pillow between us to keep you from going against the doctor's orders. Keep your hands where I can see them." Ali joked but was completely serious at the same time.

"Whatever you say, officer." Ashlyn placed both hands up in a sign of surrender. But her eyes were saying something completely different.

"Don't look at me like that!" Ali scolded. 

"How am I looking at you?" Ashlyn smirked. She had her wife right where she wanted her.

"You're being all sexy. Stop!"

"Hmm, I think that's the first time you have ever told me to dial back the sexy. What's the matter? Too hot for ya?" Ashlyn was laying it on thick now.

"Yes, that's exactly it. It has nothing to do with the fact that you have a concussion and I am trying to be a good wife. Now, cut it out. I'm serious!"

"Fine!" Ashlyn groaned and pushed Ali off of her and turned on her side away from Ali. 

"Oh are you gonna ice me out now? Is that your plan?" Ali asked but was given the silent treatment. So Ali answered her wife with a nudge with her knee to the butt. "Stop being stubborn and give me some cuddles."

Ash let out a loud breath and turned around with a sad face. It was all for show, but she was trying to make a point.

"Are you going to be nice to me, " she asked Ali, "or are you gonna reject my love?" 

Ali couldn't help but shake her head and laugh. "You're the one rejecting my love by not letting me take care of you." Ali took Ash's face in her hands carefully and said, "How about if we make a deal? You obey the doctor's orders and when you are all healed up I will make it worth your while." Ali bargained.

"Worth my while." Ash's face softened. "What does that mean, exactly?"

"Well, I might be able to arrange an entire day with just the two of us, no kids, no worries about trying to be quick or quiet." Ali answered. "A whole day...me, you...with nothing to do but..."

Ash interrupted. "Can we be naked the whole day?"

Ali laughed. "If that's what you think 'making it worth your while' means."

"Ohhh." Ash whispered. "Deal!" She stuck out her hand and Ali shook it.

"Now can we cuddle, please?" Ali asked her very happy wife.

"Whatever you say, doctor." Ash answered with a salute and pulled her wife into her side and held her tight. Ali couldn't see it but her wife was smiling from ear to ear. 

Ash couldn't see Ali's face, but her face matched her wife's. She was quite happy with the way she was able to handle her wife. And she was more than happy to give her now compliant patient the reward she deserved once she was healthy enough to thoroughly enjoy it.


	12. Team Awesome

"17, 18, 19, 20. Ready or not, here I come!" Lexi counted as Ashlyn, Ali, and Sam found their hiding spots. Without fail, Sam always followed Ash where ever she would try to hide. It all worked out because when it was his turn to count he needed help anyway. So it made sense that he would have someone with him. Ash and Sam embraced their partnership and called themselves 'Team Awesome' and vowed that they would one day be declared the Hide-n-Seek champions of the world.

Samuel was by far the loudest of the four and it usually didn't take long for his hiding spot to be found out. He had already been found 4 times since the game started 20 minutes ago and he was about to give his and his Mama's hiding spot away now.

Ashlyn, however, had other plans. They were hiding behind a curtain that reached to the floor when she was tired of losing and decided to take matters into her own hands. Well, more like, she took Sam's mouth into her own hands. She pulled her son into her body with one hand and covered up his mouth with the other. She was willing to do just about anything to win at this point. She was tired of all the trash talk from her wife.

Though Ashlyn's intentions were good, her actions were not interpreted as such. Sammy tried to wiggle from her grip, bit down on her hand and hit her in the stomach with his little elbow. It ended up with Ashlyn being the one who gave away their hiding place this round.

"Ouch! Samuel, what is your problem?" Ashlyn yelled at her son.

Sam started crying and yelled out for Ali. "Mommy!" His sniffles continued as Ashlyn tried to grab his arm and get him to explain his violent actions. 

At the sound of her son crying for her, Ali immediately scooped him up and held him. She looked at Ashlyn accusingly. "What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything?" Ash defended herself, but Ali seemed set on comforting her son and punishing her wife.

"Then why is he crying?" 

"I don't know. We were hiding and then he bit me and hit me in the stomach. How am I the bad guy, here?" Ashlyn was upset that her usually sweet and affectionate son had just tried to physically hurt her.

"Well, something caused him to act like that. What did you do?" Ali looked at her with a suspicious and angry eye.

"Nothing!" Ash couldn't believe that her wife was acting this way towards her.

Finally, Sam had caught his breath and wanted to get his Mama in trouble. "She scared me and hurt my mouth." He accused.

"I did not." Ash said. "I just covered up his mouth with my hand because he was being loud. It did not hurt him." Ash was stating her case like a teenager in trouble with her parents.

Ali let out a frustrated breath and set their son down. "Sammy, Mama didn't mean to hurt you." She looked up at Ash with a dirty look. "You shouldn't have bitten her and hit her. Tell her you're sorry."

"No!" Sam yelled and ran away.

"Samuel Christopher, stop right there!" Ali sternly yelled. 

He froze in his tracks. It was a rare thing for Ali to yell at him and the fact that she 'middle named' him showed him that she meant business.

Sam immediately turned around and started crying. "Mommy, I sorry!" 

"I'm not the one you need to say sorry to." Ali said and pointed to Ashlyn.

Ashlyn honestly felt bad for the boy. Ali's frustration with her had boiled over and spilled onto their very sensitive 3 year old. She kneeled down to get eye level with the boy. 

"I'm sorry I scared you, Sam. I was just trying to keep you quiet so Lexi wouldn't find us. I really am sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings." Ashlyn softly said.

Sammy went straight for her and dug his head into her chest. Through his muffled sniffles Ashlyn heard him apologize. "I sorry, Mama. Love you." Ash lifted him up in her arms and whispered that she loved him too. He grabbed onto her neck and laid his head down on her shoulder. 

Ali declared the game over and suggested that they find something to watch on Netflix. She knew her wife and son needed some cuddle time to recover from their traumatic hide-n-seek experience. 

Lexi was not a happy little diva. "Mommy, I was gonna win!" 

"Baby, I'm sorry but we are done playing. We can play again some other time." Ali responded.

"I don't want to watch a movie. I want to play hide-n-seek." The little girl was not a fan of her brother getting so much attention.

"I am sorry but we are done playing. We can do your nails while we watch tv. Why don't you go get the nail polish bag."

This seemed to appease the girl and she excitedly ran to her room to get her manicure kit.

Ali knew she still had to settle things with her wife so she walked to Ash's favorite recliner where she was holding Sam close. "Hey, baby." Ali whispered as she played with a strand of Ash's hair. "I'm sorry if I was too hard on you. I know you wouldn't do anything to hurt our kids."

Ash gave her a sympathetic look. "It's okay. Obviously, I did the wrong thing. I scared the crap out of him."

"At least we know that he can handle himself if he needs to." Ali joked.

"True. That kid has some sharp chompers!" Ash showed Ali the teeth marks on her hand.

"Ew ouch. He broke skin. I'll go get something to put on it." Now Ali understood Ash's response to the boy's actions.

Ali returned and cleaned the wound and topped it off with two of Sam's Spiderman bandaids. She gave it her usual 'mommy' kiss, which got a laugh out of her wife. Ali bent down and gave Ash her usual 'wife' kiss, which was a kiss on the lips. Ash brought her hand to Ali's face and pulled her back towards her for another.

"Mama, Mommy, STOP!" The two women were interrupted by an upset 5 year old princess. "You said we were gonna watch a movie and do nails." The little girl looked accusingly at them, with one hand on her hip and the other holding her nail polish bag. She was not impressed with her mothers' shared affection that was keeping her from having girl time with her mommy.

"We're so sorry, Lexi-poo." Ashlyn answered dramatically. Ali slapped her teasingly on her arm and went to her daughter to satisfy her need for attention.

The family watched Tarzan and ended up smashed together, with limbs tangled up on the couch. Ali noticed her wife was shaking next to her. She looked over to see her giggling silently. Ali gave her a look that Ashlyn interpreted as a question of what was so funny.

Ash leaned in close to Ali and whispered, "Look," she pointed to her kids. "Sam's butt is right in Lexi's face." She started giggling again. Somehow Sam had adjusted himself in Ashlyn's arms so that his backside was pushed out right next to her daughter's face. "I hope he didn't have any beans lately." Ashlyn laughed. She thought she was so funny.

Ali just shook her head in disbelief at her wife. "You're such a child." She pulled Lex into her lap to remove her daughter's face from Sam's 'danger zone' and away from Ashlyn's temptation of messing with their kids. 

 

...

"Hey Alex, do you know where my gym bag is?" Ash shouted from the second floor of their house. Ali hated communicating like this. She ignored her and waited for Ash to get impatient and come down the stairs to ask again. Ashlyn ended up asking three more times before she found her in the kitchen.

"Babe, didn't you hear me calling for you?" Ash asked.

"You were calling for me? I must not have heard you since you were so far away."Ali answered with a smirk.

"Sure. Whatever you say, dear." Ash didn't buy her wife's story. She knew she heard her. She also knew she hated when Ash yelled for her so she didn't push her luck and question it.

"It's in the car." Ali said and finished making the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches she was working on.

"What?" Ash asked.

"Your gym bag. It's in the car."

"Ohhh. Hey, I thought you said you didn't hear me." Ashlyn accused. But received no response from her wife. Ali just waved her hand and threw a banana at her. 

"It's time for lunch. Sit down." Once again Ashlyn didn't push it. She was more amused at her wife's antics than anything else. "Can you let the kids know lunch is ready?" Ali asked.

"Do you want me to yell and call them or..." Ash busted out laughing.

"You're so hilarious. I think you can figure out the proper way to call our children."

Ashlyn gave a smile. "Hey kids," she yelled while maintaining eye contact with her wife, "it's time for lunch!" 

The kids came running in. Little Sam slid across the kitchen floor in his socks making swoosh noises while holding his arms straight out in front of him. Ali intercepted him before he could collide with the wood of the kitchen cabinets and placed him in his chair at the table.

Ashlyn took a big bite of her sandwich and gave Sam a silly smile with her teeth covered in peanut butter and jelly. Sam giggled at his mother and did the same thing back as a response. They both cracked up at each others' eating habits.

Ali rolled her eyes and wiped her wife's face. "You've got a little something dripping, wife." 

"Oops. I'm saving it for later. No worries, woman." This made Sam laugh harder than ever. He took his sandwich and smashed it against his face.

"Saving for later, woman!" He said to Ali and smacked his hand against the table.

Ali gave Ashlyn a look that said much more than Ash wanted to hear.

"Okay, okay, buddy. Let's not play with our food." She wiped his face and put his sandwich back together. "And it would probably be a good idea if you didn't call Mommy, woman."

Sam didn't really catch on to what was happening so he just smiled and played along.

Lexi was not amused with her brother's constant ability to get as messy as possible. She couldn't stand to be dirty, herself. She rolled her eyes at the entire situation.

Ash straightened up her act and helped the kids eat and get washed up afterwards. After Sam's little outburst she was trying to be the best behaved wife in all the land.

Ali caught up to her wife as she was helping Sam wash his hands and whispered into her ear. "I'm glad Team Awesome has reunited, but you are a really bad influence on our youngest."

"Yeah, sorry about that." Ash apologized.

"It's okay. I love that you two are so close. Just keep your little mini-me in mind the next time you get sassy with me." Ali warned.

"You got it, wife." Ashlyn dried Sam's hands off and leaned down to whisper in his ear so that Ali couldn't hear.

The next thing Ali knew she was held in a tight grip by her wife unable to escape. Team Awesome began kissing her face and telling her she was the best Mommy ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to say thanks for reading. I am so thankful for your kudos and comments. It always fills my heart with warm fuzzies. :)


	13. Date Night

Ashlyn was standing in front of her bedroom mirror straightening her bow tie when she felt her son's little hands wrap around her leg. "Hey Sam-Bam, what are you doing down there?"

'Watchin' you get ready." He answered.

Ashlyn bent down, picked him up, and threw him on her and Ali's bed. She attacked the 3 year old with an assault of tickles. He giggled until his face turned red and he was out of breath. Ashlyn sat down next to him and put and arm around him.

"So bud, are you excited about your date with Mommy?" Ashlyn asked.

"Yes, we gonna hunt worms!" He shouted. The boy was excited about digging in the dirt of the garden and looking for things that creep and crawl. He had no idea that Ali was dreading it.

"Make sure Mommy finds a big worm for me, ok? The bigger the bug, the better."

"Ok, Mama." Sammy was more than happy to oblige to Ash's evil plan against her wife.

Ashlyn gave him a quick hair tousle and kiss on the head and stood back up to finish getting ready.

"Mama, you look pretty." Sam was watching his mom with a serious look on his face. Ashlyn could see him in the mirror and knew that he really admired and loved her. She turned around and gave him a hug.

"Thank you, Sammy. That means a lot to me. How about if you go find your sister and tell her she looks pretty too." 

"Ok, Mama." Sam got up and ran past Ali who was leaning against the door frame listening in on Ash and Sam's conversation. 

The women soon heard Sam yell at Lexi "You look pretty, Lex!" 

The boy ran into the girl's room, ran around her two times and then ran back to his mothers' room.

"I told her, Mama." He said.

His parents, as often happens, laughed at their son's unique way of doing things. Ali sat on the bed and motioned for him to sit on her lap. 

"So," Ali said."I heard Mama tell you that we were going to look for really big worms and bugs."

Sam nodded his head and held out his hands to the side as far as they could go. "Yes, Mommy. This big!"

"Wow, that's pretty big. I don't know. Maybe we should stay inside and watch a show about bugs instead." Ali suggested.

Ashlyn watched her from the mirror. She couldn't believe that her wife was trying to get out of date night with their son.

"I'm sure it will be ok. You will have super Sam-Bam here to protect you. Besides, I know he has been looking forward to spending this time with you forever." Ashlyn was laying on a guilt trip for her wife.

Ali just looked at her like she was the enemy. She answered her son, "Of course we will find the biggest worms out there, Sammy. I am so excited to go on a worm hunt with you."

"Yes!!!" Sam did a fist pump and slapped Ali on the hip, as if trying to smack her butt. He got up and ran out of the room.

"What the? That boy is a trip." Ash laughed and looked at her wife.

"Oh yeah, I wonder where he learned to slap my butt from."

"I have no idea what you're talking about, wife. Now stand up so I can give ya a proper slap."

"Haha. Very funny." Ali was not amused. "Are you sure you don't want to switch dates tonight? I can take Lex to dinner and you can get dirty with Sam."

"The point of date night is to bond with our children in a way that they like. Sam and I bond naturally. Same for you and Lex. We are purposely doing things that they want to do." Ashlyn encouraged her wife.

"I know, but it's not fair! You get to take our daughter out to a nice dinner and dancing and I have to hunt for bugs in the back yard." Ali was sulking.

Ashlyn couldn't help but laugh. Just picturing her Princess wife crawling in the dirt with a flashlight was enough to send her into hysterics.

"I'm sure you two will be the best darn worm hunters in the neighborhood." Ash encouraged.

"I'm sure." Ali replied, feeling sick to her stomach.

Ashlyn held her bent arm out to her wife, "Are you ready to pick up our dates?" 

Ali grabbed her arm and allowed Ash to help her up. They first stopped at Lexi's room. Their daughter was seriously stressing out.

"What's the problem?" Ashlyn asked.

"My hair is out of control." She responded with a frustrated look on her face.

Ali swooped in to the rescue. "Here, let me help you." Ali smoothed out all the areas that Lexi was worried about. She made her look perfect.

"Thanks, Mommy." Lex said in relief and looked up at Ashlyn. "How do I look, Mama?"

Ashlyn was so in love with her little girl. She reminded her so much of her beautiful wife.

"I think you look beautiful. I am lucky to have you as my date tonight, princess." Ashlyn gushed over her daughter.

Lexi's face lit up! That was the best thing that Ashlyn could ever say to her. She wanted to show her mom how grown up she was.

"Ok, you two. Let's get a picture." Ali was like a proud parent taking pictures of her kids before homecoming.

...

Ashlyn took Lexi to a nice Mexican food restaurant. When she parked Lexi recognized the place and thanked her mom right away.

"Mama, I love this place!" Lexi started to undo the buckles on her car seat when Ash reached back and stopped her.

"Hold on, babe. Let me help you." 

Lexi got offended. Ash opened the back door to get to her. Her daughter let her know that she was not happy. "Mama, I am big enough to do it myself."

"Sweetheart, I know. But I always help your Mommy out of the car when we go on dates. It's part of spoiling my princess." Ashlyn answered her.

She helped Lexi out of the seat and stepped back. She held out her hand and said, "Princess Lexi, may I take your hand to assist you?"

Her daughter took her hand with a big smile. When Ash helped her out, Lexi broke her princess diva character and gave her mom a big hug. "Thank you, Mama. I am having so much fun." 

Lexi was giddy. Ashlyn was glad that she was able to not only be a part of this experience with her daughter, but to be the reason she was so happy. She felt like bringing a smile to this sweet girl's face was her God-given job in life.

...

Ali was covered head to toe. She had several layers on, ski goggles, and a hoodie with the hood up and the strings pulled tight. 

"Ok, Sammy. I'm ready."

"Let's go, Mommy. We have fun!" Sam answered.

"Yep. So much fun." Ali smiled really big, trying to hide the fact that she was truly terrified.

Ali and Sam had several empty jars with holes poked in the lids for the bugs to live in. Ali encouraged her son that it would be a good idea to get sticks, dirt, and leaves and put them in the jars so that the bugs would feel more at home. What Sam didn't know was that this was a huge stall tactic to keep Ali from having to touch anything creepy or slimy.

The two had spent a good 45 minutes looking for things to fill the jars up. Ali knew that her son couldn't wait much longer. "Ok buddy, let's get hunting!" Ali mustered as much excitement as she could.

"Will the bugs be comfy, Mommy." He asked, with real concern in his eyes.

"Oh my sweet boy. I think they will love their new home." She gave him a kiss and he looked back at her with so much pride.

"We did good, Mommy!" He held up the jar he was holding and smiled wide.

Ali took the jar from him and put it on the ground next to the others. She gave him a flashlight and took one of her own and led him to the garden.

"Now we need to be careful not to hurt any of the vegetables." Ali warned. Ashlyn and Ali wanted to teach the kids about eating healthy and thought a family garden would be a good way to do that. It also was a great family bonding activity for the four of them to do together.

Ali and Sam spent the evening crawling through the rows of the garden and digging up worms. They 'oohed' and 'ahhed' at spiders, beetles, and ants. Ali let Sam keep a lady bug, two frogs, several worms, and a jar of lightning bugs. 

Their night ended when they thought they saw a snake. Both of them freaked out and destroyed a tomato plant in the process. It ended up being a suspicious looking stick but their quick retreat may have saved their lives if it wasn't.

...

Ashlyn chuckled when she saw the picture Ali texted her. There Ali and Sam were lying on their stomachs in the garden. Ali with her goggles and all. At first she laughed at her wife's ridiculous outfit but then she smiled when she saw how happy Sammy looked. He was having the time of his life. Ashlyn showed Lexi and they both got a good laugh out it. 

After dinner Ash stuck out her bent arm towards Lexi and let her hold onto it. She guided her out of the restaurant and instead of going to the Jeep she led her for a night stroll through the little town. Ashlyn knew there were a lot of street vendors and found the one in particular she was looking for. She told Lex to close her eyes and to wait until she came back. Ash really only went about 15 feet away and could see her daughter the whole time. She purchased the gift and brought it over to Lex. 

She took Lex's hand and knelt down on the ground in front of her. "Ok, Lex, open your eyes." 

When Lexi opened her eyes she saw her mom kneeling with a red rose stretched out toward her. 

"For you, my beautiful princess." Ashlyn handed her the rose and watched as her daughter's smile lit up the night.

"Oh my gosh! Thank you, Mama! I love it!" She was beyond happy. 

"I am glad you like it. It is very beautiful. But it's not as beautiful as you." Lexi gave Ash a big hug and instead of holding onto her arm she grabbed her hand and intertwined their fingers.

Ashlyn smiled down at her daughter. "Come on. There's one more place I want to take you before we go home."

Ashlyn walked with her daughter to a street where there was a live street performer. He was standing on a corner playing a classical guitar and singing love songs in Spanish. Ashlyn turned Lexi to face her and bowed down, keeping eye contact with her daughter.

"Princess Lexi, will you dance with me?" She asked charmingly.

Lexi curtsied, like she had seen her favorite disney princess do, and took her outstretched hand.

The two danced several songs through the night. Ashlyn thanked the musician and put some money in his open guitar case. They walked back to the car where Lexi had no objections to Ash helping her into her car seat. Ashlyn went to the driver's seat and looked at her daughter in the rearview mirror. She couldn't help but smile. Her daughter was glowing.

...

When Ash and Lex got home they found both Ali and Sam in bed. Lex greeted her mom with a hug and kiss. Before Ali even had a chance to ask how their evening went she answered.

"Mama and me had such a good time. She opened the door for me, and gave me a flower, and danced with me, and I twirled a lot." 

"Our daughter likes to twirl." Ashlyn nodded with a smile.

"Woah, good to know. If I ever need a professional twirler I know who to call." Ali said to her happy daughter as she showed off her twirling skills.

"Why don't we get ready for bed, Princess Lexi. All that twirling wore me out." Ashlyn hugged her daughter and picked her up and took her to get ready.

After a bath and a bedtime story Ashlyn was finally able to join her wife in their room. "So," Ashlyn asked, "how was your bug date?" Ashlyn couldn't help but laugh at her poor wife.

Ali playfully slapped her wife on the arm and told her, "You know, it was pretty great. I loved watching him get so excited. Don't get me wrong, I had to get over the whole gross aspect of it, but gosh we really have a great kid!"

"I loved the picture you sent us. He did seem really happy to be there with you."

"Well, how about Lexi? I think you gave her the perfect date night." Ali encouraged.

"You know, at first I really wasn't sure I would be able to connect with her and make her feel special. But then I realized that I knew exactly what to do. You know how I figured it all out?"

"How?" Ali was was wondering where her wife was going with this.

"Well, it happened when I opened the car door for her and helped her out. I told her that I always open your door and offer my hand to you whenever we go out on a date. Her face lit up. I realized that my whole life has been dedicated to making you smile and treating you right. And I think I've gotten pretty good at it."

Ali was getting a little teary eye when she answered her wife, "Yeah, you really have."

"Ali, I can't even put into words how much I love being the reason for the smile on our little girl's face. I just want her to know what it means to be loved."

Now Ali was full on crying and grabbed Ashlyn tightly. "We are both lucky to have you."

"No, for real. I'm the lucky one." Ashlyn stood up to go to the bathroom and get ready for bed. 

Ali stood up right behind her and turned her around to face her. She pulled off her bow tie and said with a smile, "Why don't you let me give you a bath?"

All of the swagger and charm Ashlyn had minutes ago vanished. She was struggling to put words together. "Uhhh...yeah, ok."

Ali put the tie back around her wife's neck and grabbed the ends of it and pulled Ashlyn into the bathroom where they would have their own special date night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be careful for suspicious looking sticks...


	14. Monster

The room was dark. But not dark enough to where the little boy couldn't see shadows dancing on the walls and ceiling. His breath slowed and his heart beat faster and faster. He closed his eyes in an attempt to make the bad guys disappear but they were only brighter and scarier in his head. 

Samuel threw himself under the bed, looking for a safe hiding place. Hey kept his eyes closed tight as he reached his little three year old arm out from under the bed to grab his blanket. He yanked his Superman comforter with all his strength. He wanted to be as fast as possible. 

To him having any part of his body out in the open was an invitation for that body part to be eaten up. He wrapped the blanket around him, tucked his chin in his chest, and covered his head with his arms; hoping he would be safe underneath his Superman shield blanket. 

He kept his eyes mostly closed tight, but would summon the bravery to open them a crack to make sure he was still alive. He began to hear a tapping sound and knew that this was it. His time had come. Whatever was out there was now crawling towards him and was going to eat him up.

He had no other choice. Though he is a very brave superhero he needed reinforcements. The creature coming towards him was too big. Too strong. Even under the bed and beneath the blanket he could smell the monster's bloody breath. He had to do it...

"MAMA!!!! MOMMY!!!! HELP!" He screamed at the top of his lungs. 

He heard a loud bang followed by a bright light and his mom's tattooed arm pulling him out from under the bed. Someone started to remove his blanket and he struggled against the strong hands. 

"NO, NO, MY SHIELD!" He screamed. He thought that the loss of his Superman forcefield shield would lead to certain doom.

And then he heard it.

As soon as he heard it, he willingly took his blanket off on his own. 

It was Ali's voice whispering to him that everything was ok. He opened his eyes and saw that Ashlyn was holding him tight in her arms. Ali had her arms around him, as well. He knew he was safe.

...

"A popsicle for you," Ali handed a push-up pop to her son, who was cuddled up with his Mama in the recliner. "And an ice pack for you." Ali put the ice pack on Ashlyn's outstretched bruised shin.

The loud bang Sam heard was his mom slamming into the boys play table. Ali was following close behind and thought to actually turn on the light. But it was too little too late for the sake of poor Ashlyn's leg.

"Here, take these." Ali handed Ash two tylenols and then a glass of water. Ash gladly gulped the pills and water. Her leg was dented with a small gash and a pretty nasty looking bruise. 

"What are we going to do about these nightmares he has been having?" Ash asked.

"I really don't know." 

"I love that he has such an active imagination but I hate that I feel like there's nothing I can do to help him." Ashlyn was honestly upset at the fact that she was helpless and couldn't protect her son from his own thoughts.

"Baby, there is only so much we can do. I think we just need to be careful with what we let him watch. Maybe all those superhero movies aren't a good idea." Ali added.

"But he loves those movies." Ashlyn looked liked someone just broke her heart. The truth was that both her and Samuel loved superhero movies. It was one of their Mama-son bonding activities they liked to do.

Sammy spoke up from his Mama's arms. "I'm a superhero." He said it so softly that it could barely be heard. Ali could tell that he was feeling bad about being scared. 

"You are a very brave and handsome superhero, Sammy." She took his popsicle stick from his sticky hands and gave him a kiss on the cheek. 

"Yeah," Ash said, "you're 'Super Sam-Bam! The bravest hero in all the land.' " Ashlyn had painted that motto on one of Sam's bedroom walls. 

Ashlyn tickled his belly trying to get a smile. He did smile, but tried to hide it. Ali saw that he was starting to come around and felt like they were gonna make it through the night after all. 

...

Ashlyn took Sam back into his room, just to show him that there were no monsters and that he was just imagining things. The boy refused to believe her because he said he heard tapping noises before his mothers entered the room. They were able to explain away all of the sounds and shadows except for the tapping noise. This was the sound that convinced the boy there was a monster crawling towards him.

Ashlyn looked around the room for any piece of evidence that might explain this noise. Though she wasn't sure the tapping was even real. Her son's mind was very creative. He could make anything seem real. 

Ashlyn used to credit herself for her son's ability to create a dream world out of thin air. The two of them would go back and forth playing with invisible cars, trains, superheroes, laser beams, and whatever other fun things they could think of. But on this night she could only blame herself. 

No matter how hard she looked she couldn't find the 'tapping' culprit. She carried him to her and her wife's bedroom and put him right in the middle of the bed. In his mind, and probably in reality, sleeping in between his parents was the safest place he could be. To him and his active imagination it felt like he was surrounded by a tower of safety.

Ali entered the room holding a bag of ice wrapped up in a towel. She instructed her wife to lay down and get comfortable. She propped up her leg with a pillow and wrapped up the ice pack around her leg with an Ace bandage.

"Try not to move, too much. I know that's basically impossible for you. But at least try." She kissed her wife and then her son's cheek as she got into bed with them. 

"How's Lex?" Ash asked.

"She's fine. I don't think our exciting night woke her up." Ali Answered.

"How in the world did she sleep through that?"

"I have no idea." 

Ali looked at their son and nodded to Ashlyn to look down. The boy was fast asleep with one hand on Ali's right arm and one grabbing Ashlyn's left. 

"Why don't we join him?" Ash said with a yawn. All three slept without interruption through the night.

...

The following day Ashlyn and Samuel were inseparable. Samuel stayed in his mother's arms all day long. Ashlyn felt so bad for her son that she asked Ali if he could sleep in their bed that night.

Ali whispered trying to keep their son from hearing. "Baby, I know you're worried about him but it's not healthy for him to avoid his room and sleep in our bed. You were the one who told me that when we had this problem with Lexi, remember?" 

"Yeah, I remember. But he's so little....and he looks so sad." Ashlyn looked pitiful.

"I know, but we have to show him that there is nothing to be afraid of." Ali tucked a bit of loose hair behind her wife's ear.

"Ok." Ashlyn gave up.

...

That night Ali found Ashlyn in Sam's room asleep on the bed while holding the boy. She wasn't really surprised knowing that her wife is such a softy for her kids, but she thought at least Ash would let her know she wouldn't be coming back to bed.

Ali just went to sleep thankful for her crazy protective wife.

She woke up when Ash came into the room at 2am and set their son on the bed beside her.

"What are you doing? What's wrong?" Ali was half asleep and completely surprised.

"I can hear the tapping." Ash whispered.

"What?" Ali said a little too loud for Ashlyn's liking.

"I heard the tapping that Sam heard last night. You know the sound of the monster crawling towards him?"

"What are you talking about, Ashlyn?" This time Ali spoke with her normal volumed voice.

"Shhh!" Ashlyn shushed her. "You'll scare Sammy!"

"You're scaring me. Ashlyn, you're acting crazy. You can't possibly be serious, right now." 

Ali was concerned that her wife believed the whole 'monster crawling' drama and that there might be a possibility that she would be responsible to raise their children on her own once her wife was fitted for a straight jacket.

"Of course not, Alex." Ash said, causing Ali to take a reassuring breath.

"I want to find out what it is so I can show him that he doesn't have to be afraid."

Ali was starting to understand the method to Ashlyn's madness.

"Ok, but be careful. Don't get eaten up." Ali joked.

Ashlyn rolled her eyes and left. 

Ali said to her sleeping son next to her, "Your Mama thinks she's the funny one around here. But I am the real comedian." She laughed at her joke and went to sleep.

...

Ashlyn found Sam's bug hunting flashlight in his room and looked around. The tapping had stopped. She sat on his bed and waited. Some time during her waiting she fell asleep. In the midst of the dark room, with flashlight still in hand, Ashlyn woke up to the mysterious sound again.

The sound seemed to be coming from the window. "It's probably just the wind." Ashlyn quietly said to herself. Partly because of her being rational. The other part was her trying not to scare herself. 

She carefully approached the window, but noticed that the tree branches outside weren't moving. "Oh crap, I guess it's not the wind."

She took a deep breath and opened up the window. She thought to herself that this would be the part in the movie where she would roll her eyes at the character for ignoring all the warning signs and walking right into danger.

The tapping sound got louder. She closed her eyes and said to herself, "I'm gonna die for trying to be a good mother."

She opened her eyes and looked down towards the tapping. She gasped.

....

Ashlyn ran out of the room, down the stairs, out the front door, and found the source of the noise that had terrified her son. And if she was honest it terrified her a little bit too.

She bent down and placed her hand out. Her hand was covered with puppy kisses. She had found a golden retriever puppy. The little dog was cold and hungry. Ashlyn's big heart exploded. She knew she had to be careful with her new friend. 

What if he belonged to someone? What if her wife hated the idea of a dog? What if the kids fell in love and for some reason the little guy got taken away? 

She was trying to be a responsible, clear thinking, rational adult. But she was falling in love more and more by the second. She brought the puppy inside and gave him some water. She looked for a collar or tags but there was nothing. She brought him to the living room floor and laid down flat so that she could play with him. She got close to his head so that she could talk to him and they could give each other kisses.

After about 20 minutes of puppy play she found her way to her bedroom. She sat down next to her wife and nudged her awake.

"Hey." Ali grunted. She smiled as she remembered her joke from before. "Did you find that monster?"

"Um, yeah. Actually, I did." She answered.

Ali was still a little out of it but she knew her wife had said something crazy again. 

"What was that now?" Ali asked.

"I said I found the monster. Come downstairs and I'll show you."

"Be serious, Ash. It's so late. Please. I am tired."

"Just come on." Ashlyn picked up her wife and threw her over her shoulder.

"Ashlyn Michelle, put me down." Ali smacked her on the back several times to get her attention.

Ashlyn did as her wife asked, as usual, and set her down. They walked down the steps and approached the living room.

Ashlyn was so excited to show her wife the surprise she found. She was ready to burst with excitement. Ali was still trying to wake up until she stepped in a puddle. She looked down. Looked up at her wife. Her eyes squinted and brow furrowed, trying to figure out what the heck is going on. It didn't take long for her to figure it out when her wife was greeted by a very happy puppy. 

"Are you kidding me?" Ali asked her wife.

"This little guy was scratching and jumping up against the side of the house underneath Sam's window."

Ali was still confused. She looked at her wife and the dog skeptically. She reached out her hand and patted him on the head twice. She pulled her hand back and looked up at her wife and shook her head no.

"Come on, can we keep him?" Ash asked.

"We don't know anything about this dog. How do you know that there isn't a family out there worried about where their new puppy is?"

"I can put up flyers with his picture and pass them out in the neighborhood. But until someone claims him he's all alone. Look at him, Ali. He's all alone." Ashlyn held the dogs face right up to Ali and made sure his big sad eyes were up front and center. Ashlyn's eyes matched the dog's and were filled with sadness.

"Ash, what are you doing to me?" Ali looked down at the dog and pulled him in close to her. 

Ashlyn knew Ali's heart was huge, especially for those who needed love and were alone. She knew she already won the discussion before Ali said another word.

"Ok, we'll give it a try. But we already have a hard enough time balancing taking care of our kids and work."

Ashlyn smiled wide, kissed Ali and their new addition.

"I'm gonna go get dog supplies." Ashlyn said.

'Where are you gonna find a place that's open this time of night?"

"I'll find a place. Don't you worry"

...

The next morning the women had worked out a plan on how to introduce the children to their new bundle of joy.

They sat the kids down at the breakfast table and Ashlyn brought up Sam's nightmare two night's before.

"So, Mr. Sam. I wanted to talk to you about what scared you the other night. Do you remember what it was?"

Sam looked down and got really quiet. "Bad sound scared me."

Ashlyn gave his shoulder a squeeze and he looked back up at her.

"You know, it's ok to be scared. But sometimes the things that scare us the most are the best kind of things." Ash said. 

Sam was confused. He had no idea what his mother was talking about. 

"I found out what was making that scary noise. Als, can you bring over the box?"

Ali set the box on the table and pulled out the puppy. Both children were ecstatic. 

"Mommy, can we keep it?" Lexi asked Ali. Even she knew it was Ali who would be making the final decision.

Ashlyn laughed at her daughter's question.

Ali answered, "It depends. We don't know if he already has a family. But...maybe."

Lexi clapped her hands.

"Sammy, I think we should call him Monster." Ashlyn smiled.

Sammy's eyes went wide. "Is he monster?"

"No, baby, he's a monster hunter. He was outside your room protecting you."

"WOAH! WOW! REALLY, MAMA?"

"Yeah, really really." Ashlyn answered.

Ali looked at her wife confused and a little irritated. This was not part of the plan. She didn't think it was helpful to carry on with the monster fantasy.

"Honey, can I talk to you for a minute?" She placed the dog in Lexi's arms and took her wife away from the table for some privacy.

"Look how happy they are. I think little Monster is going to fit in nicely around here." Ashlyn said, smiling like a dope.

"Ashlyn, speaking of 'Monster.' " Ali air quoted the dogs new name with her fingers. "Do you really think it's a good idea to call him that? Our kid is scared enough that monsters are real."

"Babe, relax. Just think about it. He'll have a new best friend that will always protect him. They will grow up together and he won't be afraid anymore because he won't be alone."

Ashlyn continued. "Besides, I had a dog when I was a kid and it showed me more love that any human I grew up with."

"That's very sweet, Ash, but our son isn't exactly lacking in the love department. You had a very different childhood than he will."

"Wow," Ash looked hurt, "are you trying to make me feel bad for my sucky childhood?" Ashlyn started to walk away but stopped when Ali grabbed her arm.

"You know that's not what I meant. I think that you are getting your hopes up about keeping this dog and we don't even know if we will be able too. If we do end up unable to keep him it won't only be breaking our children's hearts but your's too."

Ashlyn could see where her wife was coming from.

"Ash, you're already picturing a long-term future with this dog. We just need to be careful, ok? For all of our sakes."

"You're right. I'm sorry." Ashlyn said and Ali stepped in and gave her a hug knowing that she needed comfort.

They returned to the children and saw Sam stretched out across the table so that he could reach to pet the dog. Both children's faces brightly smiling. When Ali got one look at Sam lifting up Monster's ear and having a full on conversation with him she knew Ashlyn was 100% right. She just hoped they wouldn't have to give him up.

...

After getting the dog his shots, a collar and license, and waiting for two weeks they decided Monster was officially part of the Krieger-Harris family. He fit in perfectly with the family. The only thing different was that now when they went to tuck their kids in at night they had to give two kisses in Sam's room. One for Sam and one for the dog lying loyally by his side. 

Ever since Monster was adopted, Sammy's dreams no longer scared him.


	15. Throwing Punches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2 Things
> 
> 1\. Trigger warning for mild violence, talk of abuse, and brief homophobia.
> 
> 2\. I started writing this before last night's "incident." I think our girl probably did deserve to be carded (though I am glad she wasn't) but I also HATE that the ref put his hands on her.

Both Ali and Ashlyn were livid. They had attempted to have a nice family dinner with the kids, only to have it ruined by a clumsy waitress and a homophobic couple dining next to them.

The unfortunate incident with the waitress wasn't anyone's fault. The women weren't too upset about it but when she spilled a drink all over Lexi, the little girl flipped out. Poor Lexi hates being dirty, and having Sam's grape juice all over her new white princess dress was too much for her to take. She had a diva meltdown. Somehow she figured it was Sam's fault since it was his drink. Her accusations caused Sammy to scream at her and cry to his mothers.

This is what seemed to invite the criticism of the table next to them. It first started with the woman telling them to "control their brats." Ali didn't take too kindly to that comment and told the woman off. Ashlyn tried to calm her down, more for the sake of the children than the unkind woman. At this point in the evening the woman's husband used a homophobic slur directed toward Ali, telling Ashlyn to control her wife. He went on to say that he could tell that Ash was the "man" in the relationship and needed to keep her hysterical wife in line.

Ashlyn responded by telling the husband to shut his mouth and be respectful. Apparently, this man wasn't used to a woman telling him what to do and he physically threatened Ashlyn. 

He told her, "If you don't shut your mouth, I will shut it for you." He got out of his seat and yanked Ashlyn up by the arm.

Ashlyn went off. Growing up Ash was not a stranger to physical violence. She could take care of herself, even though she tried to put that part of her life behind her. 

She pushed the man away from her and told him, "I'm ready to go, if you are. Why don't you try to shut my mouth for me!" 

"Ashlyn!" Ali shouted at her and pulled her arm to get her attention. 

Ashlyn didn't give it to her, though. She just kept staring the man down and cursing his ignorant existence. Ali knew that she had to bring her wife back to a more calm frame of mind. Ashlyn was always good about controlling her anger and not swearing in front of the kids. Usually, even if someone deserved to be told off, Ashlyn would do her best to stay calm and not let things get out of hand.

Well, things got out of hand. The man slapped Ashlyn in the face. She charged at him and they were quickly separated by surrounding patrons and restaurant staff. Everyone who witnessed the event was in support of Ali and Ashlyn but it didn't matter to Ashlyn. Once she calmed down, she felt ashamed.

No one could blame her for defending Ali and standing up for herself. But she felt that she let an ignorant bully get the best of her. She learned a long time ago that there was a better way to handle things other than with violence. She felt like she failed her kids by letting that stupid guy get under her skin.

During the incident, Ali got up and was ready to go at the man too. People stepped in before she had the chance. So here they were, sitting in the office of the restaurant manager. Ashlyn was talking to a police officer while Ali tried to get the children to stop crying.  
...

Ashlyn hadn't said much on the way home. She even asked Ali to drive the Jeep. Once they got home she told Ali she needed some space. Ashlyn sat alone on one of the swings of the children's swing set in the back yard. She stayed out there for over an hour. Most of the time she just stared at the ground beneath her and beat herself up for going back to an unhappier version of herself. She thought that old angry Ashlyn was long gone. She was wrong.

She heard the sliding glass door leading to the back yard open. She didn't even look up when she said, "Ali, I'm fine but I don't feel like talking."

"Mama, Monster help you feel better." Sammy had asked Ali if he could take his dog out to Ashlyn because he knew the puppy always made him feel better when he was sad.

Ashlyn's eyes teared up as the boy carefully put the dog in her arms. She looked down at her son and couldn't believe his tenderness seemed to hurt so much.

"Thank you." She quietly told her son. 

"Mama," the little boy took one of Ashlyn's hands and held it, "pwease feel better."

"I will. I just feel bad because I let that man make me angry. I shouldn't have let him bother me."

"He's mean." Sammy answered.

"I know, but I shouldn't have lost my temper. I'm sorry."

"He hit you. He's bad." Sam declared. He raised his fist and made a punching motion.

The little guy was trying to make Ash feel better but her son's excitement about punching a bad guy had the opposite effect. She knew she needed to continue this conversation when she was feeling a little more together.

Ashlyn handed Monster back to Sam, got up and picked both the boy and the dog up. She brought them both into the house and searched for the rest of her family. Ali was sitting on the couch with Lexi in a little chair in front of her. Her wife was brushing the girl's hair and putting it in a french braid.

Ali saw Ash walk in and gave Lex a kiss on the top of the head and told her she was gonna take a quick break from their 'girl time.' 

"Hey Sammy, why don't you take Monster in the kitchen to get some water. He looks thirsty."  
Ali said.

"Ok, Mommy." Sam answered and Ashlyn put him down.

Ali gave her wife a sympathetic look. "Do you still need space?" She asked carefully.

Ashlyn gave a shrug as an answer.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Ali asked.

Ashlyn shook her head 'no.'

"What do you need right now, Sweetheart?"

"Maybe a hug." Ash said looking down at her feet.

Ali gave a small smile. "Now, that's something I can help you with." Ali closed the distance between them and brought her wife into a reassuring embrace. Ashlyn took a few deep breaths and squeezed her wife tightly.

"I'm sorry, Alex." Ash said from Ali's shoulder.

"What the heck are you sorry for?" Ali stepped back and took Ashlyn's face in her hands.

"I just feel like I didn't handle thing too well. Especially in front of the children. Just right now outside Sam was pretending to punch that man from the restaurant because he was 'bad.' "

"He WAS bad. I wish I could have punched him." Ali said.

"Don't say that. It's not funny. I'm being serious. Do you want the life that we have created for our family to be a violent one?" Ashlyn was in tears.

"Baby, it was one incident. One stupid idiot. He went over the line. You can't blame yourself. The Police officer said it himself, that guy assaulted you and that's why he was arrested and you weren't. You didn't start that fight. He did. You aren't the one to blame and you for sure aren't the one that should feel ashamed."

Ashlyn sadly nodded her head in understanding. She still wasn't happy with the way things went down. She wished she could have thought a little quicker and have been able to talk her way out of the situation. She never wanted her children to witness her in any kind of violent act.

Ashlyn took Ali's hand and asked, "Do you think we could just sit as a family and watch a movie or something? I think I could use a little cuddle time."

"Of course. Why don't we get changed into some pjs and relax. I'll make us some ice cream sundaes." 

"Sounds good. Thank you, Alex. I love you." Ashlyn gave her a peck on the lips and helped Ali gather up the kids.

...

Ashlyn decided to change things up for movie night. Instead of pulling one of the kids in her lap, she situated herself so that Ali was leaning against her front, while she laid lengthwise on the couch. The kids piled on Ali's lap and both the women's legs. Even the dog joined in on family cuddle time. Ashlyn held on to her wife tight and kept her face in Ali's neck for the majority of the movie.

Ali knew that Ash was not interested in anything but finding peace in Ali's touch. She managed to always be holding Ashlyn's hand, or rubbing her leg, or stroking her arm. It took a while but she could feel her wife relax. 

Ali felt Ashlyn's breath even out and heard slight snoring coming from the blonde's mouth. She smiled knowing that Ashlyn was calmed down and able to relax. Ali waited a full hour after the movie ended before waking up her family.

...

"Ok, so yesterday I feel like I was a bad parent and I need to redeem myself today." Ashlyn said to her wife who's head was on her outstretched left bicep. Ali had been playing with the fingers of Ashlyn's left hand for a few minutes, so her wife knew she was awake. 

"What are you talking about?" A confused Ali asked.

"I want to teach the kids that they shouldn't fight people. Even if the person is a jerk." 

"Ash, you didn't do anything wrong. Why are you taking the blame for that idiot? Quite honestly, I am furious that he hit you. I wish I would have gotten a chance to punch him out." Ali said with anger rising in her blood.

"Stop! I don't ever want you to be in a position where you try to punch a guy. I'm serious, Alex. Walk away."

Ali rolled towards Ash until her head was now right on her shoulder and her left arm across her chest. Ashlyn turned her head and their faces were less than an inch apart.

"Sweetheart, what happened last night was a rare situation. It's not the norm in our life. It's not something that is part of your life anymore. If that had happened to anyone else they would feel completely justified for standing up for themselves and defending their family. I understand why you are sensitive to this sort of thing, and quite honestly I love your tender heart. But this burden is not your's to carry. Let it go." Ali finished her speech with a kiss.

Ashlyn pulled Ali into her and smashed their bodies together. Conversation could wait. She needed her wife then and there. All of the passion and emotion that had been wasted on anger and guilt Ashlyn transferred into a desperate need to show her wife that she was her entire world. She wanted to show her that she was her only hope. She was her rock and her strength. She was her joy and her peace. And Ashlyn simply did not have words enough to tell her that. She had to show her.

...

They were awoken about 2 hours later by a quiet knock on the door. Ali did a quick 'skin check' and made sure everything was covered before she called out for their visitor to come in. Both Lexi and her brother were at the door, with a faithful Monster following close behind. Ashlyn was asleep and tucked into her wife's side completely covered by their bed sheet. Ali directed the children to come over to her side of the bed.

"Shh. Mama is still asleep. What's up?" Ali asked.

"Well, Monster missed you and Mama." Lexi answered. It had become normal for the kids to use their new dog as an excuse for everything you can think of.

"Oh he did, did he?" Ali smiled at her children's amusing behavior.

"Mama, ok?" Sam got right to the point of why they were really there.

"Mama is fine. She's just sleepy." Ali answered. "Go wait for me in the kitchen and I'll make you breakfast. Maybe the smell of bacon will wake Mama up." Ali just needed the kids to leave so she could put on some clothes. She didn't want to scar her kids for life.

"Monster wants kiss." Sam said. He wanted to make sure his dog knew he was part of the family.

"Ok, but just one." Ali kissed the dog on it's head and then pulled the boys head towards her lips for a kiss too.

Sam giggled and raced Monster to the kitchen. 

"Lex, I could use one of your princess kisses, right about now." 

A princess kiss, as Lexi calls it, is a peck on each cheek. She princess kissed her mom and followed after her brother.

Ali let out a breath. She was being careful not to move to much due to the fact that both her and her wife were completely nude. She let out a soft laugh and pulled the sheet down enough to see her wife's face. She gave her a kiss on the forehead and stroked her cheek with her finger. She admired her wife so much.

Apart from a few of Ashlyn's relatives, Ali is the only person that knows the full story of Ashlyn's past. Ashlyn was a victim of every kind of abuse there is. Because of this fact Ashlyn vowed to never let her own family ever experience that pain. She would protect them with her whole being. That's why the previous night was so hard for her to let go of. She never wanted her children to see something like that.

Ali got dressed and left her wife to get some rest. She knew it wouldn't be long before Ashlyn would be up and joining them for breakfast, but she wanted her to at least have a few more moments to relax. She looked so completely happy and content lying there. Ali smiled, knowing that she had a big part to play in bringing her wife such happiness.

...

After breakfast Sam took Monster out to the back yard to play. They were both literally running in circles trying to catch each other.

"How is that kid not dizzy?" Ash said staring out the glass door. 

Ali walked up beside Ash and put her head on her shoulder and arm around her waist. She laughed as her son, who apparently had more energy than his dog, because now the dog was lying on the ground while Sam karate chopped the air. 

"I'll be right back." Ashlyn opened the door and went out to greet her son.

Normally Ali would immediately close the door stating that she wasn't gonna use her electricity to air condition the whole neighborhood. This time, however, curiosity led her to keep the door open.

Ashlyn approached her son as he was doing a flying kick and spin roll on the ground.

"Hey Sam-Bam, can I talk to you for a minute." Ash asked.

"Sure, Mama." Samuel ran over to her and jumped up on her.

Thankfully, Ashlyn had quick reflexes and was able to catch him before either of them could get injured.

Ali laughed at her son from afar.

"I saw your sweet ninja moves, man."

"I'm uh ninja warrior!" He gave a quick chop and mini kick. Ashlyn struggled to keep the wiggly boy in her arms. She could see he had lots more energy to burn so she had him sit on the ground with her and Monster.

"I need you to be serious for a few minutes, ok Bud?"

"Ok, Mama." Sam crossed his legs and took one of Ashlyn's hands. With his other hand he grabbed one of Monster's paw. 

"Just remember to be gentle with him, ok?" Ashlyn said as she nodded towards the dog. 

"I know, Mama."

"Listen, I wanted to talk to you about what happened last night. Sometimes there are bad guys and sometimes we have to stop them to protect ourselves and others. But I want you to always try to not hit, if you can." Ash knew she was talking to a three year old and he probably couldn't follow all that she was saying. 

Based on the confused look on his face, she knew she wasn't clear enough.

"What I mean is, if a bully tries to hurt you I want you to find an adult and tell them what is going on. If there isn't an adult around I want you to ask the bad guy to stop. If the bad guy still tries to hurt you, it's ok to fight back." Ashlyn hoped she said it right and didn't just give her son permission to be a bully.

"And remember, I want you to ALWAYS talk to me or Mommy if you are every hurt or threatened by someone at school or anywhere else. You will not get in trouble. We will always believe you." Ashlyn wanted her son to know it was safe and best to ask for help. 

Ali watched the conversation and hated the fact that her wife didn't have someone in her life to have this conversation with when she was little. Ashlyn was the self-proclaimed protector of their family. But Ali was the self-proclaimed protector of Ashlyn and she wasn't going to let her down.

...

Later that night Ashlyn had woken up to get something to drink and on her way back she checked in on her kids to make sure they were asleep. When she peaked into her son's room, she saw Sammy lying on his stomach on the floor with Monster. He had a GI Joe and Spiderman action figure fighting. 

She was about to step in and tell her son to go to bed when she heard the boy speaking on behalf of Spiderman. 

"Hey, I don't wunna fight you." 

And then he acted like he was GI Joe and said, "I don't care." 

And he replied as Spiderman saying "Ok then, take this!" And then he threw Spidey into GI Joe feet first.

Ashlyn laughed, clearly proud of the boy for taking to heart what she said but still being his 3 year old self and hurling his action figures at each other.

"Ok Super Sam-Bam, it's time for bed." Ashlyn picked up Monster knowing that her son would follow where ever he went. She tucked them in and gave them both a kiss and turned off the light.

She found her way back to her wife's side and snuggled in close. She placed a kiss on Ali's shoulder and drifted off to sleep feeling like maybe she was a good parent after all.


	16. Let Freedom Ring

"Boom! Pow!" Samuel was imitating the 4th of July fireworks display that the family was waiting to see. He was perched up on Ashlyn's shoulders and getting more excited by the second. Ali, Lexi and Monster were following behind them in search of the perfect place to watch the fireworks over the lake. 

The family found a good spot to spread out their blanket and set up for the evening festivities. Ali had packed a small cooler with drinks, sandwiches, and snacks for the family. She even included a few snacks and a water dish for their puppy. 

Ashlyn and Sam decided to take Monster for a walk and do some exploring. The little boy was way too excited to sit still. Lexi was starting to get annoyed by her little brother's constant movement and volume level, so it was just what the family needed .

Ali watched as her son picked up just about every rock he could find and lifted it up to show her wife. She adored the way that he got excited about the simplest things. She noticed that her other child seemed to be staring at something that caused her some confusion.

"Hey, babe, whatcha looking at?" Ali asked.

Lexi pointed out a little boy who had an artificial leg and was using crutches to walk. 

"Mommy, what's wrong with that boy?"

"I don't know all the details, but it looks like he has a hurt leg."

Lexi looked harder at the boy, still confused.

"But Mommy, why does he have that on his leg?" Lexi was talking about his artificial leg. She thought it was something that was put on top of his leg, similar to Sam's Iron Man play armor he has that fits right on top of his chest, arms, and legs.

"Baby, that IS his leg. He doesn't have a leg that's made out of skin like you do." She squeezed Lexi's leg gently to show her what she meant. "So a doctor made him one. That's why it looks a little bit different."

"Why does he have to have it like that?" Lexi's 5 year old mind couldn't quite comprehend the need for it.

"He has to have it so that he can walk. It looks like he still needs to use special crutches, but look at how good he gets around." Ali was trying to explain as simply as possible.

"But Mommy, why does he need it? What made him like that?" 

"I don't know, Lex. Sometimes people get hurt or sick. Sometimes they are just born a little bit different." Ali explained.

Lexi pursed her lips and furrowed her eyebrows. She was really thinking hard.

"Mommy, do you think he's sad?" The girl thoughtfully asked.

"I don't know, honey. But he doesn't look sad. He's smiling and playing with his family."

"I think it's weird." Lexi answered. "What if it falls off or something?"

Ali knew her daughter's comments were innocent. She wasn't being hateful or cruel. But she didn't want her daughter's opinion of him being weird to stay that way.

"Lex, do you remember when I hurt my knee right before the Olympics?" Ali noticed Lexi get serious. 

"I remember, Mommy." Lexi said and leaned into Ali for a hug. She knew it was a very hard time for her mom.

"Well," Ali continued, "I got hurt because of an injury that could get better with surgery and resting it. Remember when I got my surgery and Mama had to help me get around the house?"

"Yeah. I remember. Mama had to cook and it didn't taste so good." Lexi made a face of disgust as she said this.

"Well, Mama did her best...but yeah, it didn't taste so good." Ali joked. She knew she needed to get back to their conversation before the girl lost interest. "But remember how even while I was on my crutches I was getting better and better and could help more with the cooking and other things?"

"Yeah." The little girl answered.

"Well, sometimes people can get better when they are hurt and sometimes they can't."

Lexi had on her 'thinking' face again.

"Did you think I was weird when I needed crutches?" Ali asked.

"No, Mommy." 

"Why not?" Ali knew the girl's mind was ready to go exactly where she was trying to get it to go.

"Because, you're my Mommy and I love you." Lexi answered sweetly.

"My hurt leg didn't make me a different person to you?" 

"NO! You're my Mommy. You're nice to me and you take care of me." Lexi answered.

"Well," Ali pointed at the little boy on crutches, "his leg doesn't make him weird, either. He's a normal person with a heart that can be kind and loving too."

Right as they were finishing up their conversation they noticed Monster running towards the boy on crutches. The boy leaned down and gave his hand to the dog to lick.

"Look, Mommy! Monster likes that boy!" Lexi was so excited. "He knows that he's normal and nice."

"That's right. And that's what matters, right Lex?" Ali asked.

"Yep!....Hey Mommy, can we give him one of our poppers?" Ash got the kids snap pops that make a popping noise when you throw them on the ground.

"Sure, if that's what you want."

The two of them joined the rest of their family who were now talking to the boy and playing with Monster. Samuel was looking at the boys artificial leg like it was the greatest thing he had ever seen. Lexi gave the boy a small box of snap pops and showed him how they worked. Ali smiled with pride at her daughter's acceptance of her new friend.

...

The two families ended up sitting together so that the children could continue to build their new friendship. Monster ended up having a hard time with all the people and the loud fireworks, so Ashlyn zipped him up in her hoodie and held him close to her chest. Sam sat in Ali's lap and Lexi sat next to her new friend. After the fireworks, Ashlyn packed up all their stuff and grabbed a now sleeping Samuel. She gave Lexi the tired pup and Ali carried the cooler and blanket. 

When they got back to the house the family was ready for bedtime baths and stories. Both moms were tired so they all piled into Ash and Ali's bed and had a joined story time. Usually Ali and Ash would split up and have 2 separate stories in each child's room. Tonight Ali read a few pages of the story about the little prince and noticed that all three of her loves, plus one very cute puppy, were fast asleep. She reached over to her night stand, set the book down, and turned off the light.

...

The next morning Ash woke up with a foot to the face. As usual, little Sammy moved around a lot. Ash couldn't really be mad, though. She is the exact same way. On this particular morning, her unconscious son managed to wake her up by kicking her in the face. 

"Ow! What?" Ash still had her eyes closed. She reflexively brought her hand to her face to remove the object that struck her nose. She felt a little foot attached to a little leg that could only belong to her favorite boy. With eyes still closed she followed the leg down to a little butt poking up in the air. Apparently her youngest had decided to lay on top of her, which wasn't abnormal for him. However, he also wanted to be near the dog, who was asleep at the foot of the bed. So little Sammy did the only logical thing in his mind and that was to use his Mama's knee as a pillow. Thus explaining Ashlyn's foot sandwich for breakfast. 

"Samuel, move." Ash grunted toward her son. He was oblivious. He didn't move. He didn't care. He was probably dreaming about saving the world with a flying Monster as his sidekick. 

"Ugh...Al...what?" Ashlyn was out of it still. She doesn't exactly have a vast vocabulary when she first wakes up. That was her way of asking her wife for help. Ali was used to conversing with Ashlyn like this in the morning.

"What Baby?" Ail answered.

"Uhh, Sam." Ash continued.

Ali saw what was causing her wife's sudden distress and laughed. She really did love her family, she thought. She moved Sam's legs carefully, trying not to disturb Lexi and also trying to keep her wife from getting kicked again. The boy didn't wake up from the movement but it did awaken his wiggles because he ended up elbowing poor Ash in the stomach.

Ashlyn groaned as a response and just sat up, grabbed her son, turned him right side up and hugged him tightly so he wouldn't cause any more damage. Ali reached over her daughter and held her wife's arm. 

"You ok?" She asked.

"Yeah. The kid smashed my nose with his foot. Good thing he's cute." She answered.

"You're pretty cute too, ya know." Ali flirted with her wife.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm going back to sleep now." Ashlyn rolled both her and the boy towards her wife so she could have more contact with her wife's touch. 

This small movement made Ali smile. She loved how affectionate Ashlyn was towards her. Even when she was half asleep she subconsciously preferred to somehow be touching Ali. Ali found it comforting knowing that Ash always wanted to be connected to her in some way.

...

"Dangit!" Ali almost swore but cleaned it up at the last second.

"What's wrong?" Ash walked into the kitchen just as her wife removed the burnt lasagna from the oven. "Oh." Ash quietly said as she saw the reason for her wife's frustration.

"No worries, we can order pizza or grill out." Ash tried to encourage her wife. 

"No worries?" Ali seemed overly stressed. "Ashlyn, this isn't some stupid frozen lasagna. This is my mom's special recipe that I have been working on all day. I even had to make a special trip to the grocery store with two cranky kids and now all you can say is 'No worries.' "

"Umm..." Ashlyn had obviously missed the part of her day when her wife fell over the edge of sanity.

"Umm...That's it? Thanks for that. Maybe you could be a little more helpful around here, instead of leaving me with the kids to do all of the cooking and cleaning." Ali accused her wife.

Ashlyn took a deep breath and didn't say a word. She was focusing on keeping a calm and peaceful demeanor. This wasn't her wife. This was an evil clone that has taken over her sweet wife's body.

"Ok. What can I do to help?" Ashlyn asked in a monotone voice void of any offensive or defensive emotion. 

That pulled Ali out of her Stepford wife state and softened her up right away. Her shoulders slumped down, her eyes teared up, and she fell forward into her wife's chest. Ashlyn held her close, offering the support she needed.

Ashlyn heard a muffled voice, "I'm sorry. You do help us out a lot. I'm a terrible wife."

Ashlyn laughed. "You are a great wife. And an awesome mom, too. You're just having a bad day."

"Ash, I'm having the worst day!"

"Ok. I'm sorry. What happened?" Ashlyn knew that usually when her wife was upset she had to talk it out. 

"I stepped on Monster and Sam yelled at me...and now he hates me." Ali sounded like she was a little kid in trouble.

"I'm sure Monster is ok and I know for certain that our son does not hate you."

"I also dropped an entire jar of marinara on the carpet. Do you know how hard it is to get tomato sauce out of the carpet?"

"I bet it's pretty hard, Babe. Where did you drop it? I didn't see any stains. You must have done a good job of cleaning it up." Ashlyn knew that Ali was proud of her stain fighting skills. At the mention of the cleaned up stain she saw Ali loosen up.

"I used my own stain fighting concoction." Ali answered proudly.

"The one in the blue spray bottle?" Ash asked, even though she knew it was that one.

"Yeah. It works on just about anything. It really gets the tough stains out without harming the material." 

Ali was back.

Ashlyn now knew it was safe to move the conversation back to dinner.

"Do you want me to grill some chicken and veggies for dinner? I can have them ready in no time. You can relax out on the chair outside and tan that beautiful bod of yours'." 

Ali laughed and then got serious. "You wouldn't mind?"

"Of course not. You're always cooking and doing such a great job of taking care of us. You deserve a break." Ashlyn replied.

"You won't think I am a bad wife and mother?" Ali asked.

"I could never think that." Ash answered and kissed her wife on the nose.

"Thank you." Ali replied and squeezed her wife tight.

...

Preparing for dinner consisted of Ash and Sam at their usual place by the grill, and Ali and Lex sun tanning in oversized sunglasses. Ali couldn't help but admire her wife's strong golden freckled shoulders holding up her tank top. The more she relaxed the more infatuated she seemed to get. Every flexed muscle and movement from the blonde made Ali crazy.

She knew that she couldn't act upon these feelings any time soon but she was anticipating how she would thank her wife later. Nothing is hotter to an overwhelmed mother than a spouse who listens and helps out. This is what is referred to as romance when you're married...and Ashlyn is the biggest romantic!


	17. Hold It In

"Your wife is a little on the cranky side today." Niki told Ali. 

"Ha, is she? Poor thing didn't get much sleep last night. Our youngest was up all night with a stomach bug. Poor Ash is going on almost zero sleep. She's worn out." Ali replied.

"Well, you should have left her home. She's been a little snappy." Niki said.

"I told her she should stay home, but you know her. No one out works her. She pushes herself until she collapses."

"You need to go handle her. She's one grumpy order away from a back line mutiny." Niki joked.

"Hey, I'm part of that back line! Nobody gives up on my keeper. Don't make me hurt you." Ali jokingly threatened.

"Tell your keeper to straighten up, then!"

"I'll see what I can do." Ali said as she left to find her wife.

...

Ali found Ashlyn practicing her diving saves with the goalkeeper coach. Ash put her hand up to the coach to tell him to hold on when she saw her wife approach.

"You've got some grass on your face, wife." Ali wiped off the green blades from her wife's sweaty forehead.

"Thanks. I'll just be a few more minutes and then we can go." Ash told her wife. Practice had ended 20 minuted prior, but Ashlyn wasn't satisfied with her performance so she wanted to get in a little more practice time.

"Baby, I think we should call it a day." Ali knew her wife was exhausted and extra practice wasn't gonna help her any.

"I need a few more reps. I've been a little slow today."

"Sweetheart, you're exhausted because you stayed up with Sammy all night. Extra practice is the last thing you need. Let's go home." Ali put her foot down. She turned to the keeper coach and let him know that Ash's day was done.

"Alex, I need to practice." Ash objected but quickly relented when she saw the look on her wife's face.

Ali was very protective of her wife and could also be stubborn. Ash knew she wouldn't get anywhere if she tried to argue. Ashlyn put her head down and followed her wife to the locker room. 

Once they entered the locker room Ali gave Ash a side hug and said, "I heard a rumor you were a little grumpy today."

"I was?" Ashlyn really was surprised by the accusation. 

"I think you're perfect, but maybe it's a good idea for us to offer to take the back line out to dinner later tonight." Ali smiled.

"We can have them over at the house if Sam's feeling better." The kids were at their grandpa's house while the women were at practice. 

"That's a great idea! Now, lets get cleaned up so we can get you home in time to take a good nap." Ali gave Ash a squeeze and a quick peck on the cheek. This was actually a bit more PDA than the two would normally show one another when they are at work, but Ali thought Ash could use a little extra affection today.

...

Ali let Ashlyn and their son sleep the entire rest of the day. She was sure she could handle getting ready for the evening on her own. The women were used to throwing get-togethers for the team, especially for the girls who didn't have family in the area. It was one way the senior members of the team could take care of the younger ones who didn't necessarily have all the resources that they had. 

Everybody knows there is a huge financial gap between the salaries the national team members make and the rest of the roster. Most of the players have to sacrifice a lot to live their dream. Ashlyn and Ali both know how hard it is sacrifice so much and to be away from family while doing it. That's why they loan their family to their team mates as often as they can.

Ali woke Ash up about an hour before the team was scheduled to arrive so that she could wake up and grill the food for the evening. Both Ash and Sam were sleepy heads for most the night but the team seemed to have a lot of fun. 

Ashlyn's earlier crankiness was long forgotten as the team family BBQ came to an end. Ali and Lexi cleaned up the kitchen while Ash and Sam snored away on the couch. The two didn't mind. Ali had a suspicion that not only was Sam still recovering but her wife may have caught what he was fighting. She made sure to wake them both up for hydration breaks but let them sleep as much as they wanted. She was hoping that with enough TLC the two sickos would wake up feeling as good as new and ready to conquer the world. 

...

The next day was a game day. The family was already pretty disciplined about what they ate but they were especially careful on game days. Ali made their usual carb and protein filled big breakfast and noticed that her wife was just picking at it. 

"Still not feeling good?" Ali asked her wife. 

"My stomach is just a little upset. I think I'll just stick with the toast." Ash answered.

"I can make you some scrambled eggs without all the veggies. If you think you might be able to keep that down. I think it would be better than just a piece of toast if you're planning on playing today." Ali was worried Ashlyn wasn't eating enough.

"I'm definitely playing today. I feel fine." There was no way that a little tummy ache that she got from her 3 year old could keep Ashlyn from playing.

...

The score was tied at 0 and the game was in added time. There were only 3 minutes left, according to the official. The Spirit was at home playing Seattle and the Reign were making it difficult to keep the even scoreline. Finally, Syd took a shot from about 5 feet away from Ashlyn that hit her right in the stomach. She managed to control the ball and clear it to safety. Unfortunately, the ball seemed to dislodge whatever was causing Ashlyn's nausea. Ash ran to the right goal post and lost the contents of her stomach. 

The final whistle blew as she was blowing chunks into the grass below. Ali caught the very end of her wife's unfortunate messy situation. She ran to her and picked up one of Ashlyn's towels that she keeps by the goal to wipe her hands off. She took a water bottle and soaked the towel so she could wipe her face.

Ashlyn took the bottle from Ali and used the water to rinse out her mouth. Ali felt so bad for Ashlyn. This was definitely a first for the keeper.

"Do you think anyone saw?" Ash asked her wife. 

"I don't know. Are you ok?" Ali was worried Ash might have another go at it.

"I actually feel a lot better now." Ash answered. "I just hope no one saw."

Of course someone saw. There are loads of fans who sit behind the goal Ash was at. But Ali didn't feel the need to share that observation out loud. She redirected her attention to the great save Ash made to keep the score tied up. Ashlyn took another swig of water and spit it out. She took off in a jog wanting to distance herself from the evidence and put the matter behind her.

The two women headed straight for their children. Ali's dad was with them, as he usually is at all of their home games. Ashlyn gave each child a kiss and told her family that she would be right back. She whispered to Ali that she was gonna clean up a little bit before she had to sign autographs.

...

"Baby, why do these things always happen to you?" Ali asked her wife.

"What 'things' are you talking about?" Ash asked.

"You always get sick. And I always have to worry about you!"

"I do not always get sick. I'm never sick." Ash wanted to set her wife straight.

"Ha, yeah right! Are you being serious right now? How about that emergency appendectomy you had to get 2 months ago? Or the fact that you threw up just today? Or how about all the upper respiratory infections you get because of your allergies that keep you up all night cuz your coughing up a lung?" Ali more than thoroughly made her point.

"Hmm...well, when you put it like that...I didn't realize I was so high maintenance. Do you ever regret that you married me? I mean think about all the things you could accomplish in your life if you didn't have to spend so much of your valuable time taking care of me." Ashlyn said.

"Good point. But I guess, since I am actually the truly high maintenance one in this relationship...and when I look at you and our babies I see my greatest accomplishments...I guess you could say it worked out ok." Ali sassily replied to her wife.

"You think you're high maintenance?"

"Heck yeah. I am the emotional one in this family and you are the rock." Ali pointed out.

"I don't think that's true at all. I think you're the rock. I am just barely making it some days. And forget it if you happen to be out of town. Jeeeeeeze!" 

Ali thought for a moment and then offered an answer to their debate. "Maybe we are just better together and that's just how it is. You need me as much as I need you and we are both hopeless apart." 

Ash laughed, "Maybe. But I think I am the most hopeless of the two of us when we aren't together."

...

Now that Ashlyn was feeling better the women decided to go out to dinner. They took Ali's Dad and the kids to their favorite pizza place and had a great time. Ali leaned against Ash's shoulder as they watched her Dad play games with the kids. Suddenly she felt a weird feeling in the pit of her stomach.

"Uh oh." Ash heard Ali say.

"What is it, Al?" Ash asked.

"My stomach. I feel like I have to throw up. I feel sick."

Ashlyn put an arm around Ali's shoulder and said, "You're so high maintenance. You always get sick." Ali responded by rolling her eyes and slapping her wife playfully on her stomach. Ash just laughed.

"I worry when you're sick and when I'm sick you make fun of me. How is that fair?" Ali accusingly said.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Let's get you home so I can take care of you."

...

That night Ashlyn did take care of Ali. She wasn't as natural at it as Ali, but it helped that she had been on the receiving end of her wife's top notch care enough to figure out what to do. Ali was feeling better in no time.


	18. Broken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. Trigger warning: talk of physical abuse and substance abuse
> 
> 2\. I needed to give more of Ash's story before getting into the kid's stories later. They are coming.

Ali heard a knock on the door. There was an attractive tall older man standing on the other side of it. He looked somewhat familiar to her, but she couldn't quite place his face. She opened the door and soon found out exactly who he was. She knew all too much about this mysterious man.

...

Ashlyn pulled into the driveway with Lexi and Sam in the back seat. Ali invited her Dad over for some bonding time, so Ash took the kids to the park. She noticed a strange car when she pulled up but shrugged it off. She thought that maybe Ali's Dad's car was getting repaired and that was a rental. She was not expecting the car to belong to the man that was currently having coffee with her wife and father-in-law.

...

Ali wasn't unkind to the man, but she definitely wasn't friendly either. Ali's Dad, Ken, was a little surprised at how his usually very sweet and hospitable daughter was treating her unexpected guest. Ali was pouring another cup of coffee for the man, when Ashlyn walked in.

"Honey, we're home!" Ash greeted her wife in a very chipper voice. She was carrying Sam under one arm and had Monster in the other. Lexi followed behind with her Princess doll that she brought along. She was brushing her hair while she walked. Sammy had both arms stretched out like Superman and was making sounds with his mouth that in his mind meant he was flying.

Ali sprung up quickly and gathered her entire family into the living room before they could get to the kitchen.

"Lex and Sammy, I need you two to take Monster and play in the back yard until I come get you." Ali knew she had to get the children out of there before her wife saw their visitor.

Ashlyn knew something was wrong. As soon as the children left she grabbed Ali by the shoulders. "Are you ok? What's wrong?" She asked.

"Baby, I don't even know how to say this." She paused and then worked up the courage. "I'm just gonna say it."

"You're scaring me, Alex." Ashlyn was worried that another family member had died. She remembered getting the call not too long ago about her Grandfather and Ali having to be the one to break the bad news.

"Alex, is it Grandma?" Ashlyn was starting to tear up.

"No. No. No." Ali stuttered. She just couldn't find the words. 

Ali took a breath. "Ashlyn, we have a visitor."

"Oh, is that all. Yeah, I saw someone's car out there. I thought maybe it was a rental your dad was driving. Dude, why you gotta scare me like that." Ash had no idea.

"No baby, that's not all...It's your father." Ali finally let it out.

Ashlyn said nothing. At first she was sure that she heard her wife wrong. There was no way that her father would ever be in her house. If by some miracle he ever did come over, there was no possible way that Ali would ever let him in.

Ali could see the confused look on her wife's face so she explained in further detail what happened prior to her arrival.

She explained that he knocked and she sort of recognized him from the old picture Ash had showed her years ago. She told her that he proved his identity by showing her his driver's license and answering questions about when Ashlyn was a young child. Ali told her about how she tried to turn him away but he begged her to give him a chance. If it wasn't for the fact that her own father was there she would not have felt safe enough to let him in the house. She told her about the awkward cup of coffee the three shared until Ashlyn finally got there.

"Sweetheart, I can tell him to leave. You tell me what you want. My dad is here. He won't let anything happen to you or the kids." Ali assured her. 

Ali thought her words would bring comfort to her wife. She thought that telling her she didn't have to worry about confronting her father or about the safety of the children would set Ashlyn's mind at ease....but instead it set her off.

"Where is he now?" She asked in a calm and quiet voice. Almost too calm, Ali thought.

"In the kitchen with my Dad."

Ashlyn walked right past Ali and went straight to find her father. Ali followed close behind ready to support her wife and defuse whatever bomb was about to go off.

"Get out." Ashlyn calmly said to her father. 

Mr. Krieger was surprised. He didn't really know much about their history. He just knew they weren't very close.

Ashlyn's father spoke to her for the first time in 20 years. "My little Ashlyn Michelle, calm down. I came here to make things right."

Ash flipped.

"GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! DO NOT EVER TALK TO MY WIFE, APPROACH MY KIDS OR COME ANYWHERE NEAR MY HOUSE AND FAMILY!" Ashlyn screamed at him.

Both Ali and her father were wide-eyed. Ali heard Sam yelling in the back yard. She stole a glance toward her son and saw that he was just playing with his dog and that he was ok. She looked at her wife and knew that she was not. 

"Honey," Ashlyn's dad apparently felt comfortable calling his daughter by sweet nicknames. This only enraged Ash more. "Honey, I really think you need to calm down. Like I said before, I am just trying to make things right. I am sure your mom has filled your head with lies about me. I'm not the only bad guy here."

Ashlyn looked at Ali and started to laugh sarcastically.

"He must be hard of hearing." She said to her wife but really to her father. "Maybe I should be more clear."

Ali was worried. There was no way that this would end well. 

Ashlyn turned toward him and lowered her voice. "I...hate...you." She emphasized each word. "I don't want to have anything to do with you. And I don't want my family to be infected by your poison. Get out, or I swear to God, I will kill you with my bare hands."

Ali put her hand on Ashlyn's hand that had involuntarily made a fist as Ashlyn spoke to her father. Ali pulled on her arm to get her attention. Ashlyn did give Ali her attention and what Ali saw scared her. Ashlyn's face was void all emotion but one. All she could see was anger.

"Ashlyn, I am trying to tell you that your junkie mother told you lies about me. That's why you hate me so much. If you only knew the truth..." He was cut off by Ashlyn's open hand to his face.

Ali jumped in surprise when she saw her wife strike him. This was not Ashlyn. 

"Don't you ever talk about my mother. At least she tried to stick around." Ashlyn defended.

"Tried to stick around? Are you joking?" Her dad laughed. "She stuck around because of a court order. It was either appear to clean up or go to prison. She never loved you. She just hated being locked up more than she hated you." He practically stabbed Ashlyn in the heart with that comment.

Ali had enough.

"Get out! Get out now!" She grabbed his arm and when he tried to push her off both Mr. Krieger and Ashlyn stepped in. Ali's Dad took over the discussion.

"Ok, Mr. Harris. It's time for you to leave my girls alone." 

The phrase 'my girls' would later be something that would bring Ashlyn great comfort and strength. She would eventually remember that Ali's father considered her 'his girl,' just like Ali. She would then come to know what a father's love is supposed to look like. But for now, it was all a blur. All she could see was red. 

Mr. Krieger continued speaking while taking Ashlyn's Dad's right arm and forcefully pulling him towards the door. "If you want to talk to her you can do it on her terms. Write a letter. Make a phone call. Send a basket of fruit. I really don't care what you do. But don't you ever come back here without being invited again!"

He threw him out. Ali followed behind him and made sure the dead bolt was locked. She was fuming, but when she turned around to see her wife she broke.

Ashlyn no longer looked angry. She looked defeated. She looked like an empty shell. Ali knew Ashlyn's father had just destroyed the last bit of hope her wife had that at least she had one parent that kind of cared about her. 

Ash could accept the fact that her mom struggled with substance abuse and that it turned her into an irresponsible parent who sometimes left her kids for days. Or forgot them at the grocery store. She could accept the fact that her mom once offered Ashlyn in exchange for drugs. She didn't want to think about what her mom was 'offering' for Ashlyn to do. But somehow it was ok because she always thought that if her mom could control her addictions then she would choose Ashlyn and her brother first every time. If she 'could' then she would. 

Ashlyn had always rationalized that all of the traumatic circumstances that were a direct result of her mother's bad decisions weren't personal. They were simply a result of bad habits and addictions. She always believed that her mom really did love her. But now she didn't know what she should believe anymore.

Ali ran to Ashlyn. She couldn't get to her quick enough. Mr. Krieger excused himself to the back yard to keep the children company. He knew that 'his girls' needed to be alone.

"Ashlyn, don't you listen to him. Do you hear me?!" Ali sternly told her wife. "You can't believe anything that he says. You know that!"

Ashlyn wouldn't look up at Ali. She kept her eyes toward the floor.

"Baby, will you please look at me?" Ali asked.

Ash answered her wife by shaking her head 'no.'

"Sweetheart, why can't you look at me?" Ali asked very quietly, trying not to startle her wife.

"Because I know I will fall apart." Ash answered.

"Fall apart, Ash. It's ok. I will ALWAYS be here to put the pieces back together." Ali cradled her wife's face with both hands and lifted her eyes up to look at her. "Baby, I will ALWAYS be here. ALWAYS! You will never have to face anything alone again."

Ashlyn fell into her wife's arms and sobbed.

...

After a long night of tears and emotional turmoil, the women were ready to attempt to get back to normal life. Ali's father took the kids to stay the night at his house. Ali offered to make something for Ash but Ashlyn suggested they order take out. Ashlyn left about 20 minutes later to pick up the food.

What she didn't know was that her father was waiting for her. 

...

Ashlyn paid for the food and brought the two bags to her Jeep. Her dad had followed her there and waited for her to open the back door and lean into the vehicle so that he could corner her. He stood too close to Ashlyn. When she turned around she could feel his breath on her. She tried to stay calm. This was the man who beat her so severely as a child that she spent three weeks in the hospital healing from the injuries.

"Stay calm. I'm not here to hurt you." He said. 

"What do you want?" Ashlyn asked. Her voice trembling with fear. She felt like she was a small child again. 

"I want you to see how easy it was for me to find you and your family. You have, what, two kids?"

"Don't even think about hurting them."

"Ashlyn, you know me better than that. I have a reason for everything I do. Do you really think I care about you or your family? Do you think all of a sudden out of nowhere I got a conscience and just had to make things right?" He was practically growling at her. 

He no longer was trying to pretend with her. He decided that being honest about his purpose was the best course of action to get what he wanted from his daughter.

But Ashlyn already figured it out. "You want money, don't you?" 

A smirk formed on her father's face. "You are a smart girl, aren't you?"

"How much?" Ashlyn was disgusted.

"$15,000. That's it. That's not too much for two professional athletes, right?" 

"If I give you this money, you will disappear forever and leave my family alone?" Ash asked.

"You will never see me again." He promised.

Ashlyn swallowed hard. "Why do you need it?"

"That's not your concern. All you need to worry about is whether or not your children are safe."

Ashlyn appeared to stay calm even though her mind and emotions were all over the place.

"My wife is expecting me. Where are you staying? I'll talk to her and then get back to you."

"If I don't hear from you, I'm gonna assume the worst. And I promise you, you will regret it." He threatened.

"I understand. My wife is the one who handles the money. I have to go through her to get it for you. You will hear from me in the morning."

...

Ashlyn took out the small piece of paper in her pocket that had her father's information on it. After talking to Ali she did the only thing she could do. 

The next morning, Ashlyn and Ali drove to the motel where her father was staying. When Mr. Harris saw the women approaching he knew that he would get exactly what he wanted. He greeted them at the door.

Ashlyn pulled out a very thick envelope from her jacket pocket and said, "I will only give you this, if you tell me what it's for. I don't want to fund something illegal that hurts children or anything."

"It's nothing like that. I just got into trouble with some people. It's drug related. Don't worry about it."

Ashlyn turned to Ali and said, "You think that will do it?" 

Ali answered, "It's probably a good start."

Ashlyn put the envelope back in her jacket and lifted up both hands.

What her father didn't know was that Ashlyn knew that he was trouble. If she gave him money he would just keep asking for more and threatening her family. Even though she hated him, she didn't want to get him in trouble with the police. But she felt like she wasn't given much choice if she wanted to protect her family.

The signal was for her to raise her hands. The police told her that she just had to get enough information to help the police know where to start looking and they would take care of the rest.

...

Ashlyn watched her handcuffed father be helped into a squad car and knew that from that day on she wouldn't let him hurt her anymore.


	19. Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback Chapter of how Sam and Lex became part of the Krieger-Harris family.

Flashback 

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Ashlyn asked her wife of almost a year. 

"We've talked about this hundreds of times, Ash. This is something close to my heart too." Ali answered.

"I just don't want you to do something because of me. I want you to do it because of you."

"Babe, I get it. These kids need us and I want to help them. I want to love them." Ali said as she took her wife's hand and placed a kiss to the top of it.

Ashlyn had some experience in the foster care system when she lived in Florida. When she was growing up the state took her and her brother out of their home and placed them into foster care until their mother could straighten up.

This was a common occurrence for the two children. They were passed around to different families until finally their grandparents took them in. The worst placements for the two siblings were always when they had to be split up, so when her grandparents finally won custody it was a big godsend to the children. They could finally be together for good.

Now that Ashlyn was grown and had a stable life with Ali, her heart hurt for children who were in the same position she was in growing up. She would talk to Ali about how she wished she could take them all in and show them what love really looks like.

Ali absolutely loved this about Ashlyn. She felt the same way. She could see how strong Ash is even after all that she had been through, it made her admire her wife more and more every day. 

Ali always had a soft spot for those who needed someone to love them. It was more than feeling sorry for them. It was that she believed that everyone had endless potential if they had the right support system around them. She believed that love and kindness could be the difference that changes a child from being a lost cause to being a world changer. 

This belief came from seeing how both her parents supported her and her brother unconditionally. She knew that if her family hadn't stood by them, neither her nor Kyle would be where they are today. She knew this was especially true for Kyle. During his greatest struggle, he could have lost his life, but instead his loved ones stood by him and literally saved him.

Furthermore she saw the difference that a few people, who chose to step up, had made in her wife's life. She knew she was included in that group that changed her sweet Ashlyn's life for the better, and she felt that she may have gained more from it than her wife. She wanted to give someone else what her wife went so long trying to find. A family.

...

A well-dressed woman ushered the two women into her office. She told them to take a seat and offered them her hand as greeting.

"We have finished your home study and reviewing your paperwork, background checks and applications. As you know there is no shortage of children who need love in this world. That is especially true for our state. So I am very happy to tell you that you both have been approved for foster care." She smiled at them and noticed that Ashlyn was getting a little teary-eyed. This was something that meant much more to her than the child services worker could ever know.

The woman went on, "Now, I see here that the two of you are interested in caring for siblings, if possible. Is that correct?"

Ali answered for the both of them, "Yes, we know siblings have a harder time being placed."

"Yes, that is true and there is a reason for that. Are you sure you are up to fostering multiple children right off the start? That's at least double the emotional baggage."

"We are sure." Ashlyn finally spoke up. "It's not right for any family to be split up."

"Do you have a preference of race or gender? What about disabilities or behavioral problems?" The social worker asked.

"We are willing to take any one who needs us." Ali answered.

"Ok, well, like I said there is no shortage of children who need help. Right now we have a very unique case. Recently, a 2 year old girl and baby boy have been found. They are extremely malnourished and their identity and family history is unknown. We cannot declare them orphans or legally adoptable because we don't know the circumstances that brought them here."

"Where did you find them?" Ali asked.

"In an alley behind a restaurant. They were found inside a dumpster."

Ashlyn drew back and inhaled sharply. The implications of two children who just happened to show up in a dumpster was heart wrenching. She thought she had it rough. Who would try to throw away their own children?

"We'll take em!" Ashlyn said.

"Hold on. I want to make sure you know what we know, so that you can make a decision you and these children can live with." Her tone was very somber and serious.

She opened up 2 folders on her desk, one for each child, and continued. "Here are their pictures. We don't know their names. We've tried to find out names and information from the girl but the two year old hasn't spoken one word. We believe that she has suffered some event that has caused her to have post traumatic distress disorder, and that is why she doesn't speak. She will require a lot of patience and counseling."

Ali covered her mouth with her right hand and held Ashlyn's leg with her left. What she was hearing was simply too much. She wondered if her and Ashlyn were enough to help them. She didn't want to fail them.

"Though we can assume they have no parental interest, because we don't know their history we can't guarantee how long you will have them. It could be a short time if someone steps forward, or it could be that no one ever steps forward and it could last a while. Of course, you always have the right, as foster parents, to end things if it doesn't work out."

The thought of it not working out and returning the kids to child services is what really worried Ali. What if it was too much and ended up hurting her and Ashlyn's relationship? What if they just made the children's lives worse? She couldn't stand the thought of causing these children more pain.

"Listen, I'm gonna let you two think about it. Sleep on it. Take a few days or even a few weeks, if you need to. This is an important decision." The woman stood up to signal that it was time for their meeting to end.

Ashlyn spoke up again, "I'm sorry. What is it we are supposed to think about? These children need us." She looked at her wife and noticed she didn't look so confident in their decision anymore. "Al?"

"I think it is a good idea to sleep on it. We will get back to you." Ali said and looked at her wife with apologetic eyes.

Ashlyn couldn't believe it. Her face dropped in disappointment and nodded. They left to go home.

...

When they got home their house felt so empty. Ashlyn retreated to a freshly painted guest room that they had designated for one of their future children. She sat on the twin bed and thought that maybe it was always gonna be just a guest room.

Ali walked in quietly and sat next to her wife. She laid her head on her shoulder and took a deep breath.

"You changed your mind." Ashlyn wasn't asking. She was stating a fact.

Ali stayed silent.

"It's ok, Al. I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up. It will be ok." Ashlyn wanted to believe what she said was true. But it would take time for her to move on.

Ali took another deep breath. "Can I be honest with you?" Ali looked up at her wife.

"Please." Ash whispered.

"I'm worried that we will fail them. We have no idea what these children have been through. I mean, what has to happen for a 2 year old to lose the ability to speak? What did that child see?"

"Alex, kids are tough. They'll be ok. We will make sure of it."

Ali let a little smile crack her lips. "I love you so much." She told her wife.

...

The days that followed required a lot of patience on Ashlyn's part. She was committed to not pressuring her wife in what could be the biggest decision of their lives, but her heart was aching to help these kids.

It took two days for Ali to go back and forth second guessing what was best for her, Ashlyn and these two children. But she finally decided it was worth a try. 

...

Ashlyn and Ali had them for a week before they decided to give the children names. It made sense to go all in and treat them as a permanent part of the family, even if it didn't end up that way. 

Alexandra Elizabeth, or Lexi, as they decided to nickname her, presented a lot of challenges. Her post traumatic stress disorder caused her to be extremely anxious at all times. It took a month for her to warm up to the women and allow them to touch her. Her new parents didn't want to even think about what caused her to fear being touched.

The baby boy, Samuel Christopher, had other problems. He refused to eat. He cried most nights and barely slept. The women found out after several doctor visits and blood tests that the boy had been poisoned. He was given what they guessed was some kind of liquid used for cleaning. It took some time but he eventually fully recovered and started sleeping and eating normally.

Lexi, improved greatly with counseling and constant love from her new parents. The counselor told them that she would probably always be susceptible to anxiety problems but she could eventually learn to control it. 

...

6 months later the women received a phone call that would change their lives forever...

 

"Hello." Ashlyn answered her cell phone.

"Hello, is this Mrs Krieger-Harris?" The voice on the phone asked.

"Yes, that's me. Unless you're calling for my wife, Ali. This is Ashlyn Krieger-Harris." 

"I'm calling for either of you, actually. We have been informed that you foster 2 children. Alexandra and Samuel. Is that correct?" 

"Yes, ma'am."

"We've been informed by city police that the children are now legally orphans. Their mother has been found to be deceased and there is no record of their father. You and your wife now have legal rights to adopt them, if you so wish. If not, we will have to find other means to place them with an adoptive family."

"I need to talk to my wife first, but I am definitely interested in adopting them. But I have to make sure Ali is on the same page." Ashlyn answered.

Of course, Ali was on the same page with her wife, and happily adopted them both. They knew they had a long road ahead of them, but they couldn't picture their family being complete without the two children. As time passed the kids fit into the new family perfectly. They were young enough to forget any history they had before being welcomed into the Krieger-Harris household. Now all they would ever know was love and unconditional support from two parents who thought they were the greatest thing to ever happen to them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed. Remember everyone needs and deserves love.


	20. A very good day, indeed.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little lighter on the drama than the previous couple. I hope you like it.

"Ashlyn!" Ali loudly whispered trying to get her wife's attention without causing more of a scene.

Ashlyn had Sam on her back and was running around the soccer field after Tobin. The team just finished up an open practice in Los Angeles and there were a lot of excited fans waiting to get the players' pictures and autographs. They were crowded on one side of the field yelling out the names of their favorite players.

Ali was trying to calm down a very anxious Lexi. She was on the verge of a nervous breakdown and Ashlyn and Samuel were in their own little world. Finally she just shouted toward her wife to get her to help. 

When Ashlyn heard her name from her better half's lips she could tell that she was in some sort of distress. She brought her son and self over and asked what the problem was. 

"We need to get our daughter out of here, now!" Ali said seriously.

"Here." Ashlyn passed Sam onto Ali and picked up Lex. "I'll take her. Sam can go with you to sign for fans. They would rather see you than me anyways." This was true. Though Ashlyn's fans were much more intense, Ali's fans seemed to be more numerous. 

"Take her somewhere quiet and away from people." Ali instructed.

"I know, Babe. I've done this just as many times as you have." Ash answered a little irritated that her wife didn't seem to trust her judgment.

"I know. I'm sorry. I just feel so bad."

"It will be ok. Now take the boy and go make some fans happy." Ash gave her a little tap on the butt and carried Lexi away in a secure embrace. She had one hand covering her head and pressing it into her shoulder as she whispered calmly in her ear.

Ashlyn walked to the far end of the field away from all the people who had crowded around to get autographs from their favorite players. She gently bounced her up and down in her arms. She knew that Lexi usually calmed down better when she was held tight and could feel calm breaths coming from whoever was holding her. She hummed a lullaby type tune in the girl's ear until she could feel her breaths even out.

Once Lexi had calmed down, Ash sat in the grass with her back towards the crowd and had Lex sit in her lap and face away from the people. She purposely had the girl focus on the blades of grass beneath them. The two would pick the grass and study each individual piece. Ashlyn would try to stay as calm and quiet as possible. The only time she would really speak was to make sure Lexi's attention stayed away from the excitement behind them.

After about 20 minutes of picking and flicking the grass, Lexi was feeling much better. She started to flick the green blades at her Mama and smiled when Ash acted dramatically offended. She shifted in her lap and jumped on Ash, wanting to tackle her.

Ali, with Sam on her hip, turned at just the right moment to see their daughter jumping on her wife and giggling loudly. She took a reassuring breath. She was glad to see her sweet little girl was feeling better. 

After a few more minutes of autographs Ali joined Ash and Lex. She took Lex to the locker room and Ash took Sam to sign autographs before calling it a day. All the fans loved having Sam along with his mom. He even got to sign a few too. His autograph was a big S and some scribbles but it really didn't look all that odd compared to some of the other players messy writing. He loved acting like the crowd was there to see him. He would try to copy whatever Ash would say, which translated into him saying some pretty crazy stuff. 

...

Back at the team hotel the family was resting up from their exciting day. For Sam this meant using Ashlyn as a jungle gym. And for Lex it meant painting her nails with Ali. Once Sam and his Mama wore each other out they decided to take a family nap. Ashlyn convinced the kids to peacefully share a bed and then pulled her wife into their bed. Ash was drained and there wasn't anything that she needed more than some snuggle time with Ali.

Ali could tell that Ashlyn was emotionally and physically spent. Being a pro athlete is draining enough, but doing it with 2 kids along for the ride is exhausting. Ali sat up against the headboard and let her wife curl up on the bed and put her head in her lap. They didn't need words. They knew exactly what the other was thinking.

Ash knew that Ali was ready to be the strong and supportive one for a while and let her get some rest. Ali ran her fingers through Ashlyn's hair and scratched her head and neck lightly. Ashlyn was lying on her left side, with her head in Ali's lap and stretched her right leg over Ali's lower half. She brought her right arm up to play with the bottom of her wife's shirt. Ashlyn's stress melted away.

The family fell asleep, even Ali who was still sitting up. By the time Ashlyn woke up, Ali had the whole family lying on top of her asleep. Ash stretched a little and adjusted her head. The movement woke up her wife who Ashlyn swore was smiling even while unconscious. 

Ali gave Ash a mumbled greeting. "Hey."

"Hey." Ash answered. 

'How are you feeling?" Ali asked.

"Fine. Except my back is a little sore. I think that has mostly to do with the fact that there are two children smashing me." Ashlyn joked but was also being completely serious. 

They were basically sleeping in a pile with Ali the foundation. This wouldn't be a bother to Ashlyn, who normally loved all the contact, but at this moment she was at a weird angle and the kids were applying all their weight to her spine. 

"I'm ready to move anyway. Let me help you." Ali moved the children to the other side of the bed. Ash sat up. Ali leaned into her and rubbed her back while Ashlyn stretched her legs out in front of her and reached to touch her toes a few times. Ash scooted up the bed to sit next to Ali. She put her arm around her and placed her lips on her shoulder.

"Baby, you were so good with Lex today." Ali said.

"I didn't do anything you wouldn't have done." Ash answered.

"I know. I'm just happy I get to go through this life with you. We are so blessed." Ali said and stole a few moments to stare at their kids.

Ashlyn still had her mouth on Ali's skin. Ali could feel the smile forming on her wife's lips. Ashlyn didn't have to answer. Ali knew she agreed.

...

The next day the four decided to have a family day at the beach. They had invited Tobin and Whitney to join them. Ashlyn and Sam were busy burying Tobin in the sand. Aunt Whitney and Lexi were tanning on beach towels, while Ali tried to put sunscreen on her wife and son. Neither Ash nor Sammy were making it easy.

"Hold still, Ashlyn!" Ali grabbed her wife by the shoulder and tried to get her to take a break from throwing buckets of sand on Tobin. 

"Give me a sec." Ashlyn was not paying close enough attention to her wife's tone.

"Stop. I'm trying to put lotion on Sam and he won't sit still because YOU won't sit still."

She heard it that time. Her wife was getting frustrated and irritated.

"Ok, ok." Ash answered and turned toward Samuel. "Time to take a UV force field break." Ashlyn had once explained to Sam about what sunscreen does by comparing it to a force field. Ever since then he thought it was the coolest thing ever.

"Ok, Mama." He sat up at attention and saluted her like she was the General of fun.

Ashlyn smiled and Ali rolled her eyes as Sammy puffed out his chest and waited nice and still for his Mommy to apply the lotion.

"What am I going to do with you two?" Ali gave Sam a little pat on the back to signal that he was all done and he hurried back to patting down the sand on top of his 'girlfriend,' Tobin.

Ashlyn grabbed the bucket to get another load of sand when she felt her wife's hand on her shoulder.

"Not so fast, wife. You're next!" Ashlyn stiffened. 

"Oops. Sorry, I forgot."

"Yeah, yeah. I'm sure." Ali spread the lotion on her wife's tan skin and finished it off with a kiss on the cheek. "Thank you. I love you."

Ash turned around with a sly smile and said quietly, "Wanna go skinny dipping?"

"Ha, yeah right. Be serious." Ali laughed off her wife's invitation.

"I'm serious. Look over there." Ash pointed to a pier in the distance. "Maybe we can get these two to watch the kids and we can go for a 'walk.' " Ash wiggled her eyebrows up and down insinuating her favorite activity to do with her wife. 

"You're crazy if you think I am going to ask our team mates to babysit while we sneak off to have sex." Ali whispered.

"Baby, it's not like they are gonna know. If it makes you feel better we can just make out.....and you can take your top off. I'll keep my hands up north, I swear." Ash smiled at the blush filling her wife's cheeks.

"You are terrible." Ali slapped her arm. She looked at her daughter who was happily chatting with Whitney and her son who was giggling along with Tobin. She took a breath and looked at her wife and then back towards Whit and Tobs. 

"Do you guys mind watching these two while Ash and I go for a walk? We'll be back in about 30 minutes." Both women said they were glad to help out. Ali looked back at her wife and saw her wide eyes unable to hide the surprise on her face.

"Ready?" Ali asked with a smirk.

"Uhh. Yeah...Yes." Ashlyn stuttered.

Ali stood up, took her wife by the hand, and pulled her up. They walked down the beach towards the pier hand in hand. Ashlyn was stunned that Ali went for her plan. She was mostly kidding. There was no way in her mind Ali would ever agree. 

Ali pulled her wife into the water underneath the pier. It was pretty dark under there compared to the water surrounding them. The water was about neck deep so they were able to stand. Ali led Ash to a support beam and pushed her up against it. Ashlyn liked when Ali took control like this but it was always a surprise when she did. 

"So what was that? You wanted me to take off my top. Is that what you said?"

"Umm." Ash had nothing.

Ali untied the strings to her bikini top and pulled it out of the water. "Is this what you meant?" She held the material close to Ash's face and stepped into her wife. Her leg pushed in between Ashlyn's legs, applying pressure.

Ashlyn shook her head slowly up and down affirming that that was indeed what she meant.

Ali loved having her wife like this. She literally took her breath away. Ali leaned into Ashlyn's left ear and whispered, "You need to breathe, baby, or we aren't gonna be able to get very far." 

Ashlyn took a breath and made sure to follow all of her wife's instructions very carefully.

...

The two women returned to their spot on the beach giggling the whole way. They helped the kids splash and play in the water. Whitney pulled her best friend aside and asked her if she had fun on her 'walk.' "

"Yeah, we just threw rocks in the water and looked at the pigeons." Ash answered nonchalantly.

"Really? Was it a pigeon that gave you that hickey?" Whitney busted out laughing.

Ashlyn looked down and sure enough there was a hickey sticking out of her bikini top. 

"Judging from the placement I would say that that pigeon sure showed you a good time." Whit continued to laugh at her friend.

Ash couldn't think of anything to cover, so she just decided to cover the evidence instead and she pulled on a shirt. She returned to her family in the water. It had been a very good day. There was no denying that!


	21. What you're worth

The family had all gathered in Florida for Ashlyn's Grandma's 80th birthday. The house was packed. Ashlyn's relatives had come from all over to celebrate the elderly woman's life. Ashlyn's aunts and uncles, all her cousins and their kids were there. It should have been something that Ash was looking forward to but she was actually dreading it. 

After her estranged father's surprise visit and his confession of her mother's 'hatred' of her and her brother, she would have rather maintained distance from her mom. She would have liked to stay away long enough for her to figure out what she believed and how she felt about everything.

But time was not on her side. She tried her best to keep away from her mom. If her mother was in the front of the house talking, she would make sure she was in the back. If her mom was in the back yard she would go to the front porch. It was similar to a carefully choreographed dance. 

Ali was aware of her wife's fragile state. She was also familiar with Ashlyn's need for space and tendency to distance herself from whatever or whomever was the cause of her hurt. Ali made sure to keep a watchful eye on her wife during their weekend visit.

Even though Ashlyn considered her Grandma's house her house too, because she grew up there as a child, she decided that her family would rent a hotel room for the weekend. She wanted to be able to control how much access her mother had to her and her family. They had spent a good amount of time in their hotel room earlier that day instead of having lunch with the rest of the family. Ali allowed her wife to have her way even though it meant a little extra effort and seemed to defeat the purpose of being there in the first place. Now they were all at the house, they had eaten cake, and given presents to the birthday girl. After Grandma Harris opened her gifts Ali realized she had lost track of her wife.

At this moment Ashlyn's cousin approached Ali asking about their absence at lunch. "Hey, I thought I would have seen you guys at lunch today?"

"Oh yeah, we were held up a little bit. Sometimes its hard with the kids when we travel." Ali half lied. It's true, the kids can have a hard time traveling but that wasn't the case this time.

"Well, I'm glad you could make it tonight. Although I have been having the hardest time finding Ashlyn."

"You know Ash. She's probably been stopped by just about everyone. I'm sure she'll find you. I know she always wants to see you." Ali said.

"Well, I would certainly hope so. She is my favorite cousin after all." The cousin answered.

Ali laughed along with her but her heart really wasn't in it. She did what she did best, which was worry about her family. Right now her wife was causing her a great deal of worry. She knew her kids were fine playing with relatives. There were lots of adults around to supervise, so she decided it was the perfect time to hunt for her wife.

She found her out on the front porch talking to her brother. The conversation seemed serious so she stayed at a distance and didn't interrupt. What she heard broke her heart.

"To answer your question, Ash...I don't know why it didn't work out with her." Chris said.

Ashlyn's brother, Chris, had been dating a local girl pretty seriously but they recently broke up. He hadn't told anyone until tonight when Ashlyn asked how things were going.

"Why not?" Ash asked. "Why didn't it work out? She seemed great for you."

"She was great for me. But I was not so great for her. You know me. I'm messed up. There's something wrong with me. All I do is hurt people." He answered.

"That's not true. Why would you even say that?" Ashlyn defended her brother from his own accusations.

"Ash, I haven't found my Ali yet, ok?"

"Ok."

"Think about all the crap that Ali has had to put up with because of our messed up family. I just haven't been able to find someone that's willing to put themselves through all that suffering to be with me." Chris seemed numb to the words he was saying. He didn't think of the implications of what he said.

Ashlyn, on the other hand, felt every word. Did she bring suffering into her wife's life? Did she expose her children to things she should have let die with her? This conversation certainly didn't help Ashlyn's unsettled mind.

"Hmm. Maybe you're right." Ashlyn said softly. She reached into the ice chest next to her brother and pulled out a can of beer. She stood quietly with her brother, leaning against the porch railing. 

Ali knew it was time to let her presence be made known. She walked up next to Ash and rubbed her arm trying to bring some comfort. Ash turned to her wife and saw a small smile that couldn't cover up the worry written all over her face.

When Chris saw Ali he gave her a hug and decided to leave the two and join the kids inside. 

"I'm fine, Al." Ash knew that her wife had come to check on her. She took a gulp from the can in her hand.

"Are you sure about that? You don't usually drink at family functions." Ali wasn't reprimanding her but she wanted to make sure she knew she noticed.

"Don't worry about it." Ashlyn coldly answered.

Ali sighed loudly. This caused Ash to soften a little bit, remembering the conversation she just had with her brother. She felt guilty. Why is it so easy for her to be cold toward Ali? She wondered if she has been hurting her since the moment they met.

Ashlyn walked to the opposite side of the porch and sat on the swing in the corner. She gave the space next to her a little pat. Ali slowly walked over to her and sat down.

"I'm sorry." Ash apologized.

"I know." Ali answered.

"I was just talking to my brother. I'm feeling kinda bad. I didn't mean to take it out on you. You don't deserve it. You don't deserve any of it."

Ali knew that Ash meant more by that. But she let it go for now. She grabbed her hand and leaned up against her wife's arm.

"I know this is a hard situation for you. Do whatever you need to do. Just know that I think you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I wouldn't change you for the world." Ali sweetly encouraged her wife.

Ashlyn put her head down and took a breath, "Al, I feel like I don't deserve you." Ali wanted to jump in and correct her wife, but she knew that Ash needed to continue and let out what was on her mind.

Ash continued. "I feel like I just keep making things harder on you. You're so understanding and patient. You don't deserve this." Ash took a drink and motioned her hand to herself. 

Ali moved her hand from Ashlyn's hand and brought it to her wife's face. She gently stroked Ash's cheek with her finger.

"You're right." Ali answered.

Ashlyn just shook her head. She knew it. She knew Ali agreed with her. How could she not?

Ali smiled sweetly, "I don't deserve you because you are an amazing woman, who has overcome so much and has become more than I could ever have dreamed of."

Ash kept her head down. Ali noticed one tear collecting in her wife's eye and decided to come clean.

"I heard you and your brother talking. I'm sorry. I was looking for you and when I saw you were in a pretty serious conversation I didn't want to interrupt. But here's the truth. We have definitely faced some difficulties together, but no matter what comes, I would rather face hard times with you than easy times with anyone else. And that is the God's honest truth."

Ashlyn put her drink down and leaned into the back of the porch swing. She opened up her arms and Ali fell into her. Ashlyn held her tight and placed several kisses to the top of her head. With Ali's head on her chest and arms around her waist she felt like she was in paradise. If her life was hell, then Ali was heaven.

"You're the only one who could ever bring me peace." Ash said softly to Ali.

Ali lifted up her head so she could see Ashlyn's eyes looking down at her. "I feel the same about you." She said with a smile.

The couple took in the night sky and watched the sun set in front of them. They stayed there for almost an hour just holding each other. There were a few words shared, but they mostly just enjoyed one another's closeness. 

...

After the two had relaxed outside for a while they decided to be responsible parents and check on their children. Making their way through the house proved to be difficult. Everyone wanted to talk to Ashlyn. She was usually the life of the party. They were all so proud of her and how much she had accomplished. They felt like they had a celebrity in the family. Ashlyn never really caught on to how much her entire family admired her. Ali tried to tell her but she brushed her off every time.

As they made their way to the children, Ali made sure to never leave Ashlyn's side. Even though it made more sense for her to let Ash catch up while she left and checked on the kids, she knew her wife needed her to stay as close as possible. 

They finally found the children playing in the back yard. There were lawn chairs spread out around them and several adults overseeing the children's fun. Ali and Ash sat down and watched their youngest rolling on the ground and barking like a dog. He had started doing this recently. He said he wanted to talk to Monster in puppy language. 

Some mornings Sam woke up feeling like he wanted to be a dog for the day. Other mornings he woke up wanting to be a little boy. The women didn't mind. He turned out to be a very obedient dog.

Whether the boy missed his dog, or he was just feeling like playing around, he had decided now was the perfect time for his canine transformation. The couple was smiling and laughing at their puppy boy when Ali decided to get Sammy some water. His cheeks looked pretty red from all his activity.

Ashlyn's mom took the opportunity to take Ali's seat and talk to her daughter.

"I haven't really gotten to talk to you much since you've gotten here." Ashlyn's mom said.

Ashlyn didn't answer. She just kept looking at her son.

Her mother followed her stare and made a disapproving face.

"Do you really think it's ok to let this kind of behavior continue?"

Well, that got Ashlyn's attention.

She clenched her jaw before her reply. "What do you mean?"

"I mean he's acting like an animal. And a very hyper animal at that. Does he have medication he takes or is he not normally like this?" 

"Are you seriously giving me parenting advice, right now?"

Her mom was a little surprised that Ashlyn didn't welcome her opinion. 

"I'm not trying to offend you. I'm just saying that maybe this isn't normal."

"How dare you?!" Ashlyn was pissed.

Sammy crawled towards her on all fours and barked at Ashlyn. Ashlyn's face softened and she reached down to give him a pat on the head. Sam licked her hand and crawled away looking for someone else to give a dog kiss to.

After the boy left, Ash turned her attention back, to her mother. "My son is perfect. I love him and accept him just how he is. I know you can't understand that, but I don't care."

Ali heard her wife as she was helping Sam to a drink of water. She gave her son a kiss and left him to continue his play.

"Hey, is everything alright?" Ali really wasn't asking, she just wanted to include herself in the conversation.

"Apparently, there is something wrong with our son." Ash answered looking at her mother.

"That's not what I said, Ashlyn! Don't put words in my mouth just so you can try to excuse your behavior." 

"You're such an expert on behavior these days." Ashlyn sarcastically said to her mother.

"Baby, I think it's time for us to go." Ali put her hand on Ashlyn's shoulder and successfully got her attention.

Ashlyn calmed almost immediately and agreed. This was the exact sort of thing that Ash was trying to avoid. She was here because she loved her grandmother, not because she was angry with her mother.

The women gathered up their children and left for their hotel. 

...

 

The next day Ashlyn took her Grandma out to breakfast and then took the rest of the Krieger-Harris clan to the beach. Ashlyn tried to teach her children how to surf but they were just too young. Although they did seem pretty good on the board while it was laying in the sand. Ali took lots of pictures and laughed at their three year old saying "Gnarly, dudes!"

After 'surfing lessons' the family spread out on their beach blanket and towels and ate snacks that Ali had packed for them. Ashlyn took in the scenery and smiled. She then took in the scenery around her, her wife, her two perfect children, and couldn't help but feel that it was more beautiful than any ocean sunset. 

Ali caught her wife staring and smiled. She could tell Ashlyn was feeling better about things. She leaned into her and gave her a kiss on the lips. 

"What was that for?" Ash asked.

"I just love ya, that's all."

"Ok, weirdo. I love you too."

 

...

 

Back at the house Ali sat on the deck in the back yard of Ashlyn's Grandmother's house. Ash's Grandma was there with her and they were both watching another conversation from afar. Ashlyn and her mother were sitting in the elaborate flower garden that Ashlyn and her brother helped their Grandmother create years ago. Usually this location was a place of beauty and peace for the family. In fact, when Ashlyn brought Ali home to meet her family she made sure to use the garden to provide a romantic backdrop for a late night kiss with her future wife.

Today it was anything but peaceful. Ali looked on as her wife was in tears. She felt helpless. Ashlyn told her to stay away and give them privacy. Ash wanted answers from her mother. She wanted to know if she ever loved her. She wanted to know if her father was right when he said that her mother only came back in her life because of a court order. She knew that the truth might be too painful for Ali to hear. She didn't want to put her very protective and worrying wife through that.

"Are you ok, dear?" Ashlyn's Grandmother could see the worry on Ali's face. "My Ashlyn Michelle is a tough girl. She will be ok."

"I know she's tough. I just hate seeing her hurting." Ali answered.

"Her mother will most likely continue to hurt her. I've seen it a million times. But I know that she will be ok." 

"How do you know? One person should not have to endure what Ashlyn has had too. It's not fair." Ali was crying. She always cries when she thinks about Ashlyn suffering.

"I spoke with her this morning. She told me about her father. I was proud of her for calling the police. She thought I would be mad because he's my son, but I wish I would have been brave enough to do it a long time ago. Maybe our sweet girl wouldn't have gone through so much."

Ali could tell that Grandma Harris was filled with regret.

"You saved her, Grandma. You saved her life. I know you did." Ali reassured her.

"But I wish I could have saved her from it all."

Their conversation was interrupted by Ashlyn and her mom as they walked up to them.

Ashlyn went straight to Ali and squeezed her shoulder. Ali stared into Ash's eyes looking for any kind of answer about how the conversation was and most importantly how she was. Her wife just gave a quick smile and put her arm around her waist and pulled her in close. 

Ali couldn't read her wife. She could tell that she had been crying but yet she seemed to be fine. She was worried that Ash might have finally been pushed too far.

Grandma Harris walked over to her girl and gave her a hug. Ash didn't let go or move from Ali's side so Grandma had to hug both of them. "I'm proud of you, my beautiful girl." Grandma said with a smile and a kiss on the cheek. She left Ali, Ash and Mrs Harris alone on the deck. 

Ali was ready to leave. She didn't want to be anywhere near her mother-in-law, but she knew it had to be Ashlyn's call. She was just there for support. She didn't say a word. She just clung to Ashlyn in the quiet night.

"Good-bye, Ashlyn." Ash's mom said. The words seemed heavy with meaning.

Ash nodded as her mother walked through the sliding glass doors and into the house.

Less than a second after the door closed Ali pulled Ash to face her. "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine." Ash replied.

"Well, what happened? What did she say?" 

"It doesn't matter." Ash answered.

"Of course it matters. Baby, don't shut me out!" Ali was worried. She couldn't handle giving Ash distance right now. She needed to know she was ok.

"I'm serious, Alex. I'm fine. She said some pretty messed up stuff to me. But it doesn't matter. I should have realized it sooner. It took talking to my Grandma this morning to realize that it just doesn't matter."

Ali was thoroughly confused.

Ash could see that she wasn't clear enough. She took her wife's hand and led her in the house. She walked her to the play room where their kids were building a Lego village with Ashlyn's cousins. 

"Look at them." Ash nodded towards Lexi and Sam. "They were found in a place where you literally throw your trash. That's what some sick person thought they were worth." Ash turned to her wife and made sure they were face-to-face. "But we know better, don't we?" Ali smiled widely as she nodded in agreement, tears welling up in her eyes.

"It doesn't matter what my mom or dad think. We know better, huh?" Ash continued.

"Yes. We sure do!" Ali pulled Ashlyn down by the collar of her shirt and kissed her. "I love you so much, Ash."

"I love you too. And I love our family. And I love everything about us!"


	22. History

Ali had just finished putting the kids to bed and found her own bed empty. Ashlyn was in their bed when she last checked, but now her wife was nowhere to be found. Ali did the whole bedtime routine. She brushed her teeth, washed her face, and set both her and her wife's alarms for the next morning. 

She pulled back the covers on their bed and looked at the empty space that usually was filled by her betrothed. She threw the comforter back down and set out to find what was keeping Ashlyn from joining her.

Ali found Ash in the kitchen. She had two slices of bread covered in peanut butter and marshmallows. Her wife watched her place 3 whole pickles next to each other, sprinkle hot sauce over it all, and smash the slices together. 

"Are you serious?" Ali could not believe what her wife was about to put in your mouth.

Ashlyn had the peanut butter, marshmallow, pickle, hot sauce sandwich right on the tip of her lips when she heard Ali and jumped.

"Al, what are you doing sneaking up on me like that?" 

"What are YOU doing eating that disgusting sandwich?"

"It's good." Ash defended her food choice and took a bite.

"Stop eating that. I am the one that has to share a bed with you. I don't want our room to become a nuclear toxic site when you wake up with stomach cramps and a gas attack."

Ashlyn gave a quiet chuckle and took another bite. With her mouth full she tried to defend her actions. "Babe, I can't help it. I have a craving for it, right now."

"I'm serious, Ash! You become a dangerous weapon of mass destruction when you eat that crap." Ali feared for her life.

Ashlyn laughed louder and walked over to her wife with a grin on her face. She gave her a kiss on the forehead and took another bite.

"Throw that away and come to bed. You're on the couch if you start stink'n the place up. I'm serious." Ali scolded. 

She noticed her wife didn't seem to heed her warning so she took another approach. Ali placed a kiss on Ashlyn's neck and blew softly into her ear. She distracted her just enough so that she could grab the sandwich out of her hands. She left a confused Ash to watch her throw the food away and walk off towards their bedroom.

'Hey! That wasn't nice!. I was eating that." 

"I know! That was the point....to stop you from eating that crap!" Ali said.

Ali walked back toward her wife and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "If you're still hungry, I have other ideas of how to satisfy your appetite." Ali took her hand and led her to their bedroom.

...

Both women woke up to find a boy and his dog had invaded their room during the night. Ali was the first to wake up but didn't want to wake her wife and son. Monster felt her move ever so slightly and moved to lick her face. Ali was not a fan of puppy kisses on the face so she used her hand to block his wet tongue. The dog was more than happy to settle for her rubbing his ears and scratching his belly.

Ashlyn was the next to wake up. She had an adorable boy's face smashed into her neck. She searched for her wife and saw her smiling at her. They stayed there contently silent, waiting for their youngest to wake up. It was a rare occasion that they were able to enjoy a quiet and still Samuel. They were going to savor the moment that was sure to end soon.

Ash's stomach interrupted the sweet moment with a grumble. Immediately Ali gave her wife a look of warning.

"What?" Ashlyn didn't understand her wife's problem.

Ali was worried that Ashlyn's late night snack was coming back to haunt them.

Ali's concern suddenly dawned on Ashlyn. She couldn't help it. She started cracking up. "I'm fine. I barely had a bite of that awesome sandwich."

"You had three bites, actually." Ali corrected her.

"Well, it doesn't matter. I feel fine. I'm just hungry."

"Hmm." Ali was suspicious of her wife. She knew her wife's sense of humor sometimes involved a very specific form of torture saved just for her. Ashlyn would often ask if she wanted to play a game. "I don't want to play 'name that smell' with you, Ashlyn. I'm gonna check on Lex and get breakfast started. Don't harm our son with your stomach problems."

Ash laughed as Ali walked out of the room with a little dog following behind.

...

Ali had breakfast ready and sent Lexi to collect the rest of their family. A few minutes later she saw her wife carrying both kids, one in each arm. She set Lex down but held tight to Sam. Ash gave Ali a kiss on the cheek and thanked her for making her favorite omelet for breakfast. Sam was still asleep in her arms.

"I think he feels warm. What do you think?" Ashlyn asked her wife.

Ali put her cheek on his forehead and knew right away he had a fever.

"Has he woken up at all?" A concerned Ali asked.

"Yeah, he asked where Monster was and then fell back asleep." 

"I'll call the doctor after breakfast. We might have to take him to urgent care if we can't get an appointment with Dr. Martin." Ali said.

"I hate that place. Let's just give him some children's tylenol and see if he gets better." 

"We're taking him to the doctor, Ash. But you're right we should give him a tylenol to try and bring his fever down."

...

After breakfast, and almost and hour of phone calls, Ali had decided that they had no other choice but to take their son to urgent care. Ash found out that he also had a headache and after Ali googled his symptoms the possibilities ranged from nothing serious to meningitis. She didn't want to take any risks. 

Ali decided it would be best for Ashlyn to take him to urgent care. She gave Ashlyn a bag of books and toys for the boy, in case he started feeling better and got bored. She included snacks for both of them. (The last time they went there they spent 4 hours waiting to be seen.) She threw in a few bottles of water and his insurance card and included a paper with questions written on it that she wanted Ashlyn to ask the doctor.

"Why don't you just go? You're better at these kind of things." Ashlyn asked. She really hated that place.

"Because Lexi has ballet and I am driving the carpool and bringing the snack. You don't know where the girls live that need picked up and you would probably bring them pizza for a snack. Sorry baby, I'm also better at these kind of things too." Ali joked.

"You're better at everything than I am." Ash said.

Ali saw that what she said wasn't taken how she intended and felt bad.

"Sweetheart, you know you're the BEST at getting him to stay calm and relaxed." She gestured to Sam who was still in Ash's arms with his head laying on her shoulder. Ali pulled both of them into a hug. "You are the one he needs right now."

"Yeah, yeah. You just want to get out of waiting around until the end of time in that stupid waiting room." Ash answered.

"Stop. You'll be fine. I love you....Make sure you text or call me to let me know how he's doing."

"Ok." Ash surrendered to the fact that they had to go. She picked up the bag Ali had packed and gave both her girls a kiss. She left for urgent care dreading the day ahead.

...

Ash was true to her word and kept Ali updated throughout the day. Ali reminded her every so often to wake Sammy up and give him some water. Sam slept the entire two hours it took to be seen. It could have been a lot harder for Ashlyn, if he wasn't feeling so weak.

The women's concerns were put to rest when the Doctor assured Ashlyn that he just had a bug. It would probably go away in a few days. He just needed lots of rest and fluids. Ashlyn tried to get him to feel a little bit better by offering to take him to get ice cream on the way home. Ash could tell he was feeling terrible because he turned her down right away.

The two arrived home and Ali could see that her wife was worried about something. She still held their son close and refused to give him up when Ali offered to take him. Ali figured she had been holding him all day and might want a break, but Ashlyn had other ideas.

"Baby, what's wrong?" Ali could read her wife like a book.

"What do you mean?"

"You said everything is fine but you're acting like it's not. What's up?" Ali asked.

Ash took the boy to the couch and laid him down. She covered him up with a blanket and gave him a kiss on his fevered forehead. She nodded towards the kitchen and her wife followed her there.

"What is it, Ash?" Ali asked. She could tell Ashlyn was really worried about whatever it was that was on her mind.

"We don't know our own children's family history." Ash answered her. "They had all this paperwork and the doctor asked a bunch of questions that I didn't know. What if one day something comes up and we won't know how to help them? What if they get really sick and die because we can't fill out the right answers on a stupid form?"

"Ok, you need to take a breath." Ali was usually the one who filled out the important forms so she was well aware of the lack of information in her children's medical charts. Ali had Ashlyn sit down at the kitchen table and she took her hand and lightly ran her thumb over the top of it. 

"Ash, why all of a sudden is this bothering you? Nothing has changed since they have come into our lives 3 years ago." Ali rationalized.

"Alex, how can we protect them when we don't know what we are protecting them from?" Ashlyn said. "I just want to protect them, but I can't." 

"Baby, you're worrying about things that may never happen." Ali tried to encourage her wife. 

"But what if it does? What then? What will we do then?" Ash fearfully asked.

Ali sat down next to her wife and leaned in to press Ashlyn's forehead against her own. 

"Sweetheart, there will be a day when something comes that we can't protect our children from. But we can't spend our lives making up potential problems that might not ever happen."

Ali pulled away a little bit and looked Ash in the eyes, "I will schedule full check ups for them. We'll get blood work and make sure everything is ok. All we can do is try to be as thorough as possible. Other than that, we need to enjoy our babies and not worry about things that we have no control over."

Ash shook her head and sighed. "I thought you were the worrier in the family. What happened?"

Ali laughed at her wife's very true comment. "I don't know, I guess I just know everything is going to be ok." 

Ashlyn pulled Ali in for a hug and gave her a kiss. "I'm lucky to have you. I really am." 

Ali's smile was quickly replaced by a worried look when they were again interrupted by the sound of Ashlyn's stomach. Ali moved cautiously away from her wife. Ashlyn looked down at her gut and laughed.

"Hey Al, you wanna play a game?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter offers a little foreshadowing for things to come.


	23. Long Haul

Ashlyn had just returned home from a 2 day trip to New York. She flew out there to meet up with a high school friend who had started an organization to promote self love and love for one another. She was asked to give a motivational speech about finding your value and not giving up on yourself or others. For obvious reasons this was a message that was very important to her. 

She flew in one evening, gave her speech the next day and flew back home on a red-eye that night. She ended up getting home around 6am the following day. She was exhausted. Ali had a small breakfast ready for her when she got home and sent her straight to bed. She could see that her wife needed rest more than anything.

Ali took her wife's bag and emptied out it's contents. Whenever they got back from any kind of trip Ali couldn't stand having dirty laundry sitting in their luggage. To her it felt like the clothes were just sitting there, staring at her, as if they were mocking her cleaning ability.

She threw Ashlyn's clothes in the washing machine and as she emptied out her pockets in a pair of her pants she found a collection of paper. She sorted through it, making sure not to throw away something important. 

"Ashlyn and her receipts." Ali shook her head. 

Ashlyn didn't ever know what to do with receipts. Ali usually balanced the checkbook, but she has long since given up on Ash remembering to give her the receipts to do it. She usually just goes off of their bank statement. So Ash tries to do the right thing but it only ever ends up with her having a pocket full of paper that she never gives to her wife.

Ali carefully unwadded the papers and threw them away. However, her curiosity was spiked when she found a tiny slip with a phone number on it. She stuffed the paper in her own pocket and finished up the laundry.

After checking on her kids, who were watching cartoons, she returned her attention to the numbers written on the paper in her pocket. She thought for a moment that she would just wait for her wife to wake up and ask her. Yep, that's what she would do. She would wait......or not.

She grabbed her laptop and typed the number into the search bar on google. It led her to a reverse number look up site and supplied her with a name. She typed the name into Facebook and there it was. The woman's profile pic was a picture of her and Ashlyn in a friendly embrace. 

Ali wouldn't have let it bother her if it wasn't for the caption included that simply said, "I love this woman."

Ali went straight to her sleeping wife. She watched her for a few minutes. She paced the room for a few more minutes. She stared at the phone number on the paper and then the picture on the laptop. She debated how she would handle this. She wanted to be smooth and be able to get the truth out of her wife. She didn't want her to have a chance to cover it up somehow with a lie.

A half asleep Ashlyn can barely put words together. It wasn't fair to expect her to explain in this condition but Ali knew there was no chance she would be able to come up with a lie.

"Baby." Ail thought again. Maybe she shouldn't use a term of endearment right now. Especially if Ashlyn had found someone to take her place. It made her sick to think maybe this other girl calls her 'baby' too.

"Ashlyn." Ali shook her a little bit. Probably a little too rough considering she wasn't feeling very affectionate toward the woman at the moment.

Ash didn't move.

"ASHLYN!" Ali didn't exactly yell but she was much louder and her tone was very stern.

Ash rolled into Ali's touch. Ali stepped back and pulled away. 

From her spot about 3 feet away from Ashlyn she said her name again. This time the tone was angry.

"Ashlyn, wake up."

Ali could see her wife's furrowed brow and she knew Ash had finally woken up enough to grasp what was going on.

"I'm only going to ask you once. Who's number is this?" Ali shoved the paper in Ashlyn's face.

"What are you talking about?" Ash answered her. She really did seem confused.

"Don't try to stall. Who's number is this?"

Ashlyn looked at the paper, then at her wife.

"Are you serious right now?" Ash asked slightly annoyed.

"I'm dead serious, Ashlyn. Who's number is this? Don't even try to lie to me."

Well, that woke Ashlyn up.

"What are you insinuating?" Ash asked defensively.

"ASHLYN, WHO'S NUMBER IS ON THIS PIECE OF PAPER." Ali yelled. She never yells.

Ashlyn flinched. It suddenly was clear what her wife was accusing her of.

"Are you kidding me right now, Alex?" Ashlyn threw their bedding on the floor, stormed out of their room, put on shoes, her jacket and left.

Ali followed her to the front yard. "Where are you going? You're a coward! Tell me the truth."

Ashlyn turned around and walked back towards Ali and stopped right in front of her. 

"No Al, you're the coward! Are you looking for a reason to leave me? You honestly think that I would cheat on you? You're the only person in this world that I have ever trusted enough to be completely honest with and you don't even trust me. You're the coward." Ashlyn turned around and left.

Ali didn't know how to feel. She was mad, but also feeling like maybe she made a big mistake. No, she decided she was mad. She did all the necessary research to know the number belonged to someone who was in love with her wife. She walked back inside and thought about a life that didn't include Ashlyn.

...

Ashlyn didn't come home that night. At about 3am Ali decided she needed to reach out to her, even though she didn't want to. Heaven forbid she got in a car accident or something. She called, but Ashlyn didn't answer.

"She's probably half-way to New York by now with her new family." Ali whispered. When she said it out loud she realized how ridiculous that sounded. She shook her head and felt a twinge of regret shoot through her heart. 

"What have I done?" Ali thought to herself.

She dialed her wife's number again and this time waited for the voicemail to pick up.

"Ashlyn, I don't know where you are. I hope you're ok. I'm sorry I didn't give you a chance to explain. Please come home."

Ali decided to camp out on the couch so she would be able to know sooner when, or maybe more like IF, her wife came home. 

She didn't.

...

The next day Ali got the kids ready and off to daycare alone. She made her way to practice, not knowing whether or not Ashlyn would be there. She felt both relief and anger when she saw her already on the field warming up. 

Ali made a decision last night not to be stubborn and let her wife have a chance to explain. She jogged over to her. She maintained several feet distance but sat down and joined Ashlyn in doing stretches.

"Where did you go last night?" Ali asked.

"Nowhere. I slept in my Jeep." Ash answered.

"Did you get my calls? I left a message."

"I know." Ash answered shortly.

Ali again was torn. Should she be upset or feel guilty?

"Well?" Ali asked.

"Well? What?" Ashlyn was not happy with her wife. She was hurt. She was irritated. She was mad. And now it seemed like her wife was ignoring what happened the day before and acting like she didn't do anything wrong.

"Well, I thought you might want to explain the number." Ali said annoyed that her wife was making this so difficult.

"I'm a coward, remember?"

"Ashlyn, come on! We are at work, and we need to talk this out before it becomes a distraction."

Ashlyn sighed. Ali was right, about the work thing. Not about anything else at the moment.

"Fine. I took a picture with some girl after my speech. I actually took a picture with a lot of people. But this girl, I don't even remember her name, she said she was contemplating hurting herself. She said my story brought her hope and probably saved her life. She gave me her number and I was gonna pass it on to someone who could followup with her. I thought I lost it. Her number, I mean. I thought I lost that paper. Anyway, I guess it was in my pocket."

Ashlyn seemed so sad as she explained. Ali knew she was telling the truth. She knew that this should have been a story that Ash could tell her and they could celebrate about but instead her suspicious behavior ruined it.

Ali took a breath and moved toward Ash. She placed her hand on her shoe. "I'm sorry, Ash. I believe you."

"You believe me?" Ali could hear the disappointment in Ash's voice. "How could you not trust me? After everything?"

"I know! It's horrible." Ali started to cry. "I looked up the number and it belonged to an attractive woman who said she loved you on her Facebook page. I'm sorry."

"How in the world did you look her up? I don't even know the chick's name."

"I googled the number and it gave me her name."

"You can do that?" Ash had no idea.

"Look, it doesn't matter. I'm sorry." Ali still felt terrible.

"Well, you should be sorry. What happened yesterday isn't us. If you can't trust me....I don't know..."

"Ashlyn, I do trust you."

"Really? Is that so? Because it didn't seem like it yesterday."

"I know. PLEASE." Ali was desperate. She knew she accused her wife of something she would never do. And worst of all she knew that she hurt her.

 

"Alex, we are a team. We have fans all over the place who constantly confess their love and half of them propose. You know that."

Ali nodded in agreement. Everything her wife said was true.

"Please stop being mad at me." Ali said. She felt so small at the moment and all she wanted was for Ashlyn to hug her and tell her it was all going to be ok.

"I just can't believe it. How long have we been together? We have two kids, for crying out loud. You think I would throw it all away for some chick who's name I don't even remember?"

Ali took a deep breath and let out a long remorseful sigh. "No, of course not. I just got stupidly jealous. Please, forgive me."

Ashlyn could tell she felt terrible. She decided she would swallow her pride and let her off the hook. 

"Fine," Ash said. "I forgive you. But it hurts that you don't have faith in me."

"Ashlyn, I do have faith in you. I just got jealous and....I'm really sorry."

Ash nodded in understanding. "I get it. You were alone with the kids while I was out of town. It can be hard on you emotionally. If anyone can understand that, it's me."

"You really do forgive me?"

"Yeah, of course." Ash said. As soon as Ali saw Ashlyn's face of complete acceptance she went in for a kiss to seal the deal. Ash put her head on Ali's shoulder and found healing in her touch. She knew it was just a lapse in judgment. She knew her wife was with her 100% and trusted her with her life and future.

The team gathered around them and started cracking jokes. Ash decided it was time to get back to business when Lori yelled out to them to "Get a room!"

They both laughed and continued their day with a greater appreciation for the partnership they shared with one another. They were in it for the long haul.


	24. Stuck

"Freeeeeeeeeeedom," Samuel yelled as he ran naked around the Krieger-Harris two story house. 

A confused Ali watched as he ran past her being chased by Ashlyn holding out a towel. Ashlyn was being followed by an excited Monster.

"What's going on?" Ali asked her wife who was too busy laughing to tell their son to stop.

Ash stopped to talk to her wife, but the dog kept after the boy. "I made a joke about freeing himself of his clothes in order to take a bath. We sang a little song. Did a little dance. You know? The usual. Anyway, I guess it really stuck with him because when I tried to get him to put on his pj's after his bath he made a break for it."

Ali didn't seem quite as amused about the situation as her wife. "What am I gonna do with you two? This better not become a habit for him. Can you imagine him doing this in public?"

Ashlyn just laughed. She loved her son's crazy antics. 

"Ash, stop laughing and go catch our naked son!"

That just made Ashlyn laugh harder. She started singing "Oh where oh where can my baby be? He's butt naked and ran from me...." (to the tune of Pearl Jam's Last Kiss)

Ali had to laugh at that. "Seriously" she said, "what am I going to do with you two?"

Ash kept singing and followed the trail of giggles from her son. He started singing along and let her wrap him up in a towel and carry him to his room to put on his pajamas.

...

The next day the family had planned a day at the zoo. Ashlyn had Samuel on her shoulders as he pointed out to her all of the animals that caught his eye. He loved anything that had big teeth. Lexi was holding Ali's hand and they discussed how pretty some of the animals were. She especially loved the birds. Ali decided that she and Ash were gonna have to get their daughter a bird house for their back yard.

The zoo had a play area for the smaller visitors. It had a slide with a lion's head at the bottom so it looked like the child was coming out of his open mouth. There were swings with bird wings on the side, so Lexi could feel like a flying bird. Of course, there was a jungle gym with what looked like monkeys hanging from it. The two women let their own little monkeys play to burn off some of their extra energy. Sam especially seemed to have a lot of wiggles to spare. 

Lexi found some kids about her age building a castle in a sand box. Ali let her play, but kept a close watch on all 3 of her kids. Her biggest 'kid' was racing Samuel up the slide at the moment. Ali grinned at the sight of her wife making sure to let their son win the race at the last second.

Her head was only turned away from Lexi for a moment, but in that moment her daughter went from having a great time to looking like she was sad and confused. Ali observed the situation for a moment to see what was the problem. All she could figure out was that one of the other children must have said something to her to make her upset.

Ali promptly walked over to her daughter and helped her out of the sandbox. She could tell the girl was unhappy. Ali picked her up and sat both of them down on a nearby bench.

"What's wrong, Lex?" Ali asked.

Lexi didn't answer. She just hugged her Mommy tight and cried. Ashlyn observed the entire interaction and met Ali's eyes with her own. Ali made it clear that she had no idea what the problem was. Ashlyn decided that the best thing she could do was to keep the youngest of the brood away and entertained so that her wife could find out what was bothering their daughter.

Ashlyn watched as her daughter sniffled her way through an explanation. She watched as her wife comforted her with a tender touch. Ali didn't just look sympathetic. She looked angry. Ashlyn knew that was her cue. She convinced Sammy that it was time to join Ali and Lex.

When she tried to get Ali to fill her in, Ali waved her off and told her it would be better to discuss it later. Now Ashlyn was really curious. It seemed their daughter was ok but something definitely happened. 

The family made a stop at the gift shop and let the children pick out one thing each. A new stuffed toucan seemed to brighten up Lexi's outlook. Sam got a stuffed lion and growled at it the whole ride home.

Ashlyn left the two children in the living room watching a nature show about animals. She found her wife in the kitchen and asked her what the heck happened to Lexi at the zoo.

"One of the kids asked about her 'mom.' " Ali said. "I guess she pointed to me and the child was actually wondering about you being her mom. When Lex told her that we both were, the little girl quoted her father and said that two women together don't fit and that the human body just isn't made that way. It doesn't work." Ali went on to explain how the little girl naively quoted her father's crude way of explaining how 2 women don't 'fit.'

"How are we supposed to explain to our 5 year old about sex and then tell her that two women fit just fine?" Ali emphasized the 'fit just fine' part and Ashlyn couldn't help but laugh. "ASHLYN, IT'S NOT FUNNY!" Ali slapped Ashlyn's arm to let her know she was serious.

"Babe, calm down. We don't have to explain anything to her right now, except that some people are stupid and need to be ignored." Ashlyn tried to calm her wife down.

"It's not that simple. Our kids unfortunately will have to face these kind of things their whole lives. How can we prepare them, while trying to protect them and preserve their innocence?"

"I don't know, Al. I mean, it's just how it is these days. I think one day in the future it will be better, but for now, this is our life. We can't act like we are ashamed of our lives. That's the worst thing we can do." Ash said.

"I'm not ashamed, Ash. I just don't know how to talk about these things with a 5 year old. And I hate that some idiot is making me have to worry about it!"

"Well, babe. I'm sure you'll figure it out." Ashlyn smiled and went in for a kiss. Unfortunately she was met by Ali's hand and not her lips. "What?" Ash asked.

Ali just stared at her with a look that let her know she had said the wrong thing. "What did I say?" Ash asked.

"I have to figure it out? WE have to figure it out." Ali made sure to set her wife straight.

"Ok. WE will figure it out. Lex seems fine right now. If it comes up again we can just keep everything we say rated G but explain to her that some people might disagree but we know that our family and our marriage is what's right for us." Ashlyn was calm and sincere as she said this and Ali realized that she was overreacting. 

Ali finally let her wife kiss her. "Ash, you're so good to me."

Ash laughed, "Where did that come from?" 

"You're just so good at making me feel better. I think we 'fit' perfectly." Ali pulled Ashlyn's face down and gave her another kiss.

Ashlyn was definitely enjoying their little moment. She was ready to show her wife just how perfectly they fit together. She lifted her wife up, while keeping their lips against one another. She pushed Ali up against the refrigerator sending magnets and the children's artwork to the floor. Ash held Ali up with one arm and with her free hand she began to find her way to the button on the front of Ali's jeans. She was able to loosen her pants enough to get her hand inside the front of Ali's underwear. 

Ashlyn's touch to her skin woke Ali from the daze that her wife put her in. "Ashlyn, we have to stop." Ash kept kissing her. Ali turned her head so that Ash's lips were on her ear. "Baby, I'm serious. Our children are in the next room. It's the middle of the day. WE HAVE TO STOP."

Ashlyn bit Ali's ear and made her way down her neck. Her fingers continued their movement inside the front of her wife's pants. She was too focused on the task at hand. She couldn't register what her wife had said. Ali removed her own hands from holding Ashlyn and moved them to Ash's chest and pushed her slightly away from her. 

"What?" Ash asked out of breath.

"Did you hear what I said?" Ali asked.

"No. What did you say?" Ash asked and then went in for another kiss.

"I said that our children are in the next room. We have to stop."

"Oh." Ash tried to catch her breath. Ashlyn set her wife down and took a step back. "I wasn't thinking." Ashlyn was still out of breath. Her heart was racing. It was always hard for her to calm down when they were in the middle of an intimate moment.

Ali loved that her wife craved her. She loved that Ashlyn had such a difficult time distancing herself from her in these moments. But they both knew that they needed to put the kids first and finish what they had just started at a more responsible time.

"I love you." Ali said with a smile on her face. She knew better than to take any steps towards Ashlyn. There would be no kissing or hugging. Her wife probably couldn't even handle the contact of a handshake right now. So Ali kept her distance and looked forward to when they would be able to pick up where they left off.

...

Ashlyn went for a run after her encounter with her wife. She needed to release some of her frustrated energy. Sam was still small enough to fit in their jogging stroller so she took him along for the ride. He loved holding his arms out and feeling like he was flying. Ashlyn ran fast and long. She had to make sure to wear herself out before she returned to the house. Before she returned to her beautiful wife.

When they got back she went straight for Ali who was sitting on the couch watching tv with Lexi. Ashlyn went head first into Ali's lap, making sure to wipe her sweat on her wife.

"Gross! What is your problem? You're all sweaty." Ali complained. Sam laughed and copied his mother and wiped his face on her leg, but he wasn't sweaty at all. 

"What? I hug you when you're sweaty all the time." Ash defended.

"Yes, but that's after games or practice when we are both sweaty. You're so disgusting!" 

"You love it!" Ashlyn said and gave Ali a peck on the cheek.

"You love it." Sam said and kissed Ali on the knee.

"You're just lucky you are both so cute." Ali laughed. "Now go clean up. Please. You smell!"Ali pinched her nose and pretended to turn away from the two. 

Sam thought it was hilarious and asked if Ali wanted to smell his 'pits.' Ashlyn laughed as she scooped him up and pretended he was the smelliest superhero around. This led to a very serious conversation about what his super power would be and he settled on having toxic farts. Ashlyn couldn't help but think about Ali's description of her own gas passing. They ended up making up a theme song that they would later share with her wife.

...

"Mama, why are kids mean to me because I don't have a daddy?" Lexi asked.

Ashlyn and Lexi were in the back yard building a bird house when the little girl dropped a bomb of a question on her Mama.

"Who's being mean to you?" Ash was ready to knock someone out.

"The girl at the zoo and a boy at daycare. They said it's not ok that I don't have a daddy, like how Mommy has a daddy."

"All families are different, Lex. Some have one parent. Some have two moms or two dads. I was raised by my grandpa and grandma. It's ok to be different." Ash wasn't sure how specific to get with her 5 year old.

"Why are people so mean?" Lex asked.

That was hard for Ashlyn to hear. It was even harder for her to answer.

"I really don't know. Some people learn to be mean by watching other people. That's probably the case for the girl at the zoo and the boy in your daycare. They probably have seen their parents or someone else be mean, or heard them say something mean, and so they do the same thing. You know how you are always wanting to paint your nails like Mommy? Maybe those kids are just trying to be like their parents."

Lexi thought about her Mama's answer and tried to really understand.

"But Mama, why would anyone want to be mean?" 

Ashlyn couldn't be more proud of her daughter for what she just said. 

"I have no idea, Lex. It doesn't make any sense to me either. But some people do choose to be mean and the best we can do is try not to act like them." Ash answered.

"Mama, it makes me sad when people are mean and say mean things about you and Mommy. Sometimes it makes me cry. It hurts my feelings."

"It hurts my feelings sometimes too. It's ok to cry when people are mean. But you have to always remember that just because someone says something that hurts your feelings doesn't mean it's true. You are the most beautiful, smart, talented, and kindest girl I know. If someone is mean to you it is because they have a problem, not you." Ash took Lex in her arms and hugged her.

"Thanks, Mama." Lex gave Ash a kiss on the cheek. "You know what, Mama? I'm glad I have two moms." 

Lexi returned to painting the roof of the bird house Ash was helping her put together. Ash couldn't help but smile. Her daughter was one in a million.

...

Ali and Sam were coloring his Avengers activity book when Ash and Lex came in from the back yard. Lex went right to Ali and kissed her cheek, like she had previously done to Ash. "I'm glad I have two moms, Mommy. I love you." Lex picked up a crayon and joined her brother in coloring.

Ali looked at Ash and stood up. She escorted her wife a few feet away from the kids and asked her what that was all about.

"We just had a little talk about why some kids are mean and that it's ok to be different. I guess she really took it to heart." Ash explained.

Ali pulled her wife into her by grabbing her shirt. She kissed her and said, "I can't wait to show you how much I love you."

Ash smirked. "Ok kids, bedtime."

"Mama, it's not time for bed yet. It's not even dark out." Lexi protested.

Ali patted her wife's backside and answered their daughter. "Mama is just kidding, baby. Just keep helping your brother color." 

Ashlyn felt like the night was moving in slow motion. She couldn't wait to spend some one on one time with her wife. She did all she could to wear the kids out and get them in bed as soon as possible. She knew whatever was coming was gonna be well worth the wait.


	25. I Promise

Ali had noticed that Ashlyn had been 'off' for the last couple of days. She seemed distant. It seemed like she was just going through the motions in both her personal and professional life. Ali had tried a number of things to pull her wife out of whatever funk she was in, but each time she failed. She decided she needed to address this issue herself, instead of trying to get Ashlyn to bring it up.

Ali waited until after practice to talk to her wife. She had worked it out with her dad ahead of time for him to pick up the kids from daycare so that the two women could have some alone time. The truth was, Ali was worried about her wife. The last few months had been really hard on her. Her grandfather, who practically raised her, passed away. Her father entered back into her life only to try to use her and threaten her family. And most recently her own mother had disappointed her so much that she felt she couldn't even tell Ali about it. On top of all that, Ashlyn's schedule had been crazy. With family, soccer, and speaking engagements she was exhausted.

Ali was afraid that Ashlyn was shutting down. It's a defense mechanism that probably helped keep her sane through her years as a child, but now it was threatening the life that they both worked so hard to create.

"Ash!" Ali yelled across the pitch to get her wife's attention. She was pretty sure Ashlyn heard her but she didn't acknowledge her. Ali jogged over to where she was and tried again.

"Ash, hold up."

Ashlyn turned toward her with dull eyes. Ali couldn't explain it but there was something different about her eyes.

"What's up?" Ashlyn answered her wife.

Ali walked up close to Ash and put her hand on her bicep. "I arranged it so that my dad could take the kids for the night and I could take you out. I just wanted to let you know we have reservations at your favorite steak house."

"Oh." Ash looked down at the ground. "You shouldn't have done that. I'm not really hungry."

"Yeah, I noticed. You've barely eaten anything the last few days. I thought maybe a nice meal might help you get your appetite back." Ali gave Ashlyn's arm a squeeze. Ash looked up at her and Ali gave her a careful smile.

"I uh...ok." Ash hesitated. "That's really thoughtful of you. Thanks." Ashlyn said with little emotion. She didn't want to go but she could tell Ali really wanted her too.

Ali let go of her wife's arm and slipped her own around her waist. She shimmied herself underneath Ash's left arm and walked Ashlyn to the parking lot. She wanted to remove any form of distance between them. If Ashlyn was trying to run from her emotions she would chase her down. She wasn't going to let Ash tackle anything alone.

...

Dinner was quiet. It was so odd, Ali thought. They never had a problem with conversation. Normally the two would be flirting and hurrying the waiter to bring the bill by now. This time it was different. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence but Ali kept trying to figure out how to get Ash to open up. She would go over possible conversation starters in her head. Over and over. The gears were turning, but nothing seemed natural. It didn't seem like the right time.

The two women made it home and Ali followed Ash into the kitchen where she dropped off their leftovers. Ashlyn put the food in the fridge. She walked over to the sink and washed her hands. She felt Ali's presence behind her. She could feel her wife's worry seeping out of her.

"What?" Ash turned around and asked her wife who was less than a foot away.

"What?" Ali wasn't sure what her wife was referring too.

"You're hovering, Alex. Say whatever it is you've been wanting to say all night."

"Oh, umm. Sorry. I wasn't trying to hover." Ali took a few steps back.

Ashlyn let out a sigh and stepped towards her. "It's ok. What's on your mind?"

"Well, I was just wondering if everything was ok." Ali almost whispered. She knew everything was not ok. She didn't want to push her wife, but she also didn't want to let her keep hurting if there was anything she could possibly do to stop it. 

"Everything is fine. I'm fine, Alex." Ash answered. Her voice void of any emotion. "You didn't have to take me out for a fancy dinner to ask me that. You could have just asked."

"I know but I wanted to take care of you." Ali answered sweetly, still maintaining a quiet and calm tone.

"I'm fine." Ash wanted to move on but Ali knew that they hadn't even scratched the surface yet.

"It's just that you seem a little off lately." Ali said.

"What do you mean?" Ash asked. She knew what she meant, she was trying to avoid talking as much as she could.

"Well, it just seems like there is something wrong.You haven't been eating much, you aren't as attentive to the kids when they are around, you are often zoned out. And just last night I tried to be affectionate with you and you rolled over and pretended you were asleep. That's not like you, baby."

Ashlyn looked everywhere but at her wife. She knew everything Ali said was true but she still felt like she didn't have an answer to explain herself. Ali noticed her wife's left leg was bouncing a little bit. It's not as obvious because Ash was standing but it was there. Ash had a tell when she was anxious and Ali noticed. 

Ali was starting to break through the wall Ashlyn unintentionally built. She intended to take it down brick by brick. She decided she needed to just go for it. No more beating around the bush.

"Ash, you know you're safe with me. You know you can tell me anything. Please tell me what's wrong."

"I don't know." Ash mumbled.

"Please don't shut me out. You're scaring me, Ashlyn! I want to help you, but if you don't let me in, I can't. Please tell me what's wrong." Ali begged. She was on the verge of desperation.

"I already told you. I don't know. I just feel bad. I don't understand it myself!" Ashlyn yelled at her wife in frustration. Ashlyn wasn't mad. She was scared.

Ali crossed the distance between them. Though it was only a few steps it felt like an ocean. Ali embraced her wife. She tried to encompass her with all the strength and support she could muster. Ash tried to wiggle out of her grip, but Ali just held her tighter.

Ashlyn was trembling. There was nothing Ali could do to stop it. She felt helpless.

"Baby, maybe you should talk to someone about this." Ali suggested.

"I am trying to talk to you, Ali. It's hard."

"I don't mean me. Maybe a therapist. Someone who knows a little more about this than me."

"You think I'm crazy?" Ashlyn was truly hurt. But she was also afraid that maybe she was crazy.

"No, of course not. I think you just need someone who can help you through some of this stuff." Ali tried to make Ashlyn feel better about her suggestion, but she failed miserably.

Ashlyn shut down. She saw it happen right in front of her eyes. Her jaw clenched her eyes went cold. Ashlyn was ready to run. She grabbed her keys and walked out the door.

"Ashlyn stop!" Ali yelled. "You can't drive right now." There was no way Ali was going to let her wife get behind the wheel of a vehicle when she was so upset.

"Why? Because you think I am crazy?" Ash screamed.

"No Ash, you're not crazy. You're upset and I don't want you to get hurt. I don't care how mad you get at me. I'm not gonna let you drive."

Ashlyn ignored her wife's concern and grabbed the handle of the driver's side door. She opened it halfway when she was met with Ali's own hand. Ali slammed the door back shut.

"You're not driving like this!" Ali yelled. She needed to get through to her wife.

"Leave me alone, Alex!" Ashlyn pushed her away and slammed her fist into her car door. She was able to get three punches off before Ali tackled her to the ground and held her there.

...

Ashlyn didn't manage to break anything, but both her hand and her Jeep were dented. It took Ali several minutes to get Ashlyn to calm down, but once she did she realized that she needed help. She agreed to see someone who could help her move past whatever it was that was causing her to feel so terrible. She hated the idea but she agreed to do it for her wife and children. They deserved her best and she was feeling like a lot less than that.

"Here, put this on your hand." Ali handed Ashlyn a bag of ice wrapped up in a towel.

"Thank you." Ashlyn's voice sounded so defeated.

"It's gonna be ok, Ashlyn. We've gotten through a lot worse."

"Yeah." Is all Ashlyn replied. She felt horrible, guilty, and now she realized she really hurt her hand. As a goalkeeper that's not the best thing in the world to do.

"Hey!" Ali grabbed Ash's face. "Don't shut down again. Stay with me. It's going to get better. I promise you that."

Ash just sadly nodded. She wasn't sure Ali could keep that promise.

...

A few weeks after the whole 'fist into the Jeep door' incident, Ashlyn really was starting to feel better. She had met with a counselor who had helped her talk through some of the things she was struggling with. Ali even went with her for one of the visits. She revealed that the unresolved anger she had towards her mom mixed with a higher stress level in her everyday life had caused Ashlyn to become depressed and anxious. The doctor taught her ways to open up to Ali so that she could release the emotions that were weighing on her. She also prescribed Ashlyn a small dose of medication that she could take if she felt like things were getting uncontrollable.

Ali noticed a difference in her wife and thanked God that she was going to be ok. 

Ali was able to keep her promise after all.


	26. Stress Relief

Ever since Ashlyn started seeing a therapist for her unresolved childhood issues and anxiety Ali has been extra vigilant. Her already natural bent towards worrying was kicked up a few notches out of concern for her wife. Ashlyn was actually doing much better but Ali's worrying gene was in overdrive. 

If anything popped up that Ali interpreted as a possible stress on her wife she tried to take care of it on her own without letting Ash know. Her heart was in the right place but all she was accomplishing was to overwhelm herself and keep Ashlyn in the dark about what was going on with their family. 

...

"Mama!" Sam yelled as Ashlyn walked in the door. He sprinted towards her and lunged at her with his arms spread open. He did this quite often so Ash was ready to catch her favorite boy.

"Hey, Sam-Bam!" She pulled him up close and gave him a kiss. "Did you miss me?"

"Yep!" The boy was practically bouncing in her arms.

"I missed you too."

"I missed you more!" He argued.

"Nope, definitely me." Ash answered.

"Nuh uh. ME! ME! ME!" He yelled.

Ash was laughing at her excited son when Ali came in hushing him.

"Sam, please be quiet Mama will be home any minute." Ali had rushed towards the noise and scolded her son without seeing the scene at the front door.

"I'm already home. We're just having some fun. No worries." Ash kissed her wife on the cheek after giving her a reassuring look.

"Sorry, I didn't know you were already home. I wanted to clean up the kids' toys a little bit."

"It's fine. They're kids. Since when do we not have toys all over the place? Why would I expect anything different." Ashlyn laughed it off but Ali acted like she didn't get the joke.

"I'm sorry. I will try to keep things a little more organized around here. Eliminate the chaos."

"Wait...'Eliminate the chaos?' That's what my shrink says." Ash looked at her wife suspiciously. Ashlyn continued, "Are you feeling ok?"

"I'm fine. I just want to make sure you are. You know? No need to ask for trouble." Ali answered.

"Yeah, but I love our house just how it is. You don't need to worry about that kind of stuff." Ash said.

"I don't. I was just saying." Ali didn't want to worry her wife with her own worry.

"Ok?" Ash agreed but it came out more like a question than a statement.

During the women's discussion Sam had climbed on his Mama's shoulders and dropped down her back using Ashlyn's neck to hold himself up. He was using his legs to push off her back and slam back into her. Ali grabbed him and set him down on the floor.

"Be careful, Samuel. You're going to hurt Mama." Ali told her son.

Sam looked up at Ash with a worried look. "Mama, I sorry. Are you hurt?" 

"I'm fine. Mommy needs to stop worrying so much." 

Ashlyn shot her wife a warning look and picked Sam back up and put him on her back where Ali had just removed him. Ash could tell Ali didn't approve but she was acting too protective and it was affecting her bonding time with their son.

Ali didn't object, she just let the worry compound on itself. She left them to go pick up the toys that she thought added to the chaos and worried in silence.

...

Ashlyn later found Ali in the kitchen cleaning everything she could find. Ash walked up behind her wife and gave her a hug from behind. Ali jumped. 

"Oh, sorry I startled you. What are you doing? You've been cleaning all day. The kids wanna play soccer in the back yard." Ash said.

"Yeah, I think I'll pass. I need to finish up in here." Ali answered and went right back to scrubbing the counter.

"Hey, stop. The only thing you're allowed to 'pass' is the ball to Lexi as me and Sam are dominating you two in a game of pick up." Ashlyn tried to lighten the mood. Ali wasn't going for it.

"I can't right now, Ash. Maybe later." 

"What happened to cleaning the kitchen being my chore. You do most of the cooking, I do the cleaning. That's the deal. Don't worry about this stuff." Ashlyn took her wife's arm and started pulling her towards the back yard.

"Ashlyn, enough!" Ali pulled her arm out of her wife's grasp.

Ashlyn had no idea where her wife's reaction came from. She decided to tread lightly. "Ok. You don't have to do anything you don't want to."

"It's not that I don't want to, I just have too much to do." Ali answered with frustration.

"No, actually you don't have to do that. Family time is more important anyway. Come on. I promise I will clean whatever you want me to clean later. I mean, I probably won't do as good of a job as you but who cares, right?" Ash was trying to do the right thing, but Ali was just getting more and more overwhelmed.

"Ashlyn, I don't want you to do it. I can handle it. Just go outside and leave me alone!" Ali knew she was being harsh. She really wasn't trying to be but she was so overwhelmed. Her emotions were threatening to bubble over and she was having great difficulty keeping a lid on them.

Ashlyn stepped backwards. The hurt was evident on her face, giving one more thing for Ali to worry about. 

"Ok. If that's what you want." Ashlyn's voice was quiet and cautious.

Ali watched Ashlyn walk away and wanted to stop her but didn't know what to say if she did. She let out a loud sigh and went back to scrubbing a non existent spill on the counter.

Ali couldn't even last 10 minutes. After Ashlyn left she felt horrible. She decided to join her family outside and try to make it up to her wife for acting so cold and disagreeable. If Ashlyn was upset she sure didn't show it. She instructed the kids to applaud and cheer loudly when Ali came to join them. The family played and joked around for almost and hour before Sam went down with a minor injury. 

The boy was a little bit overdramatic. Lexi had somehow managed to knock him over and he complained that she hurt his neck. There were no signs of injury. Both women saw that it was an accident and that nothing was even close to coming in contact with his neck. However, you really can't rationalize with a 3 year old. Ashlyn picked him up and held him close. Ali tried to take the crying boy from her. She didn't want Sam's tears to cause Ash any anxiety, but Ashlyn just shrugged her off.

After Sam had calmed down and received kisses from both his moms the boy's neck miraculously healed. He was back to running and jumping into things like normal. 

...

Ali had made dinner and called her family to the kitchen to eat together. "Everything looks good." Ashlyn encouraged her wife.

"Thanks." Ali answered as she brought over the last of the food.

"So Lex, how was ballet class?" Ash asked her daughter.

"Umm...ok." Lex hesitated. Ash could tell that she was hiding something.

Ashlyn looked up at her wife, who also seemed to be keeping something to herself. She tried to change the subject.

"So," Ali interrupted, "how is your neck feeling Sammy?" 

"It's good, Mommy." Sam answered with a mouthful of chicken.

Ashlyn knew something was up. She turned her attention back to her daughter. "What happened today at ballet, Lex?"

Lexi didn't know what to do. Her neck started to get blotchy and she was starting to panic. "Umm...umm..I...Mommy said I shouldn't tell you."

Ash looked up at Ali and saw the woman close her eyes and take a sharp breath in. Ali knew that if Ash wasn't upset before she definitely is now.

"Oh really," Ash said directing her conversation to her daughter but looking straight at her wife when she asked, "What did Mommy tell you, Alexandra?"

Lexi knew her Mama meant business when she used her full name. She didn't want to go against what Ali told her but she also didn't want to get in trouble with Ashlyn. She looked up at her Mommy begging for help.

"She got in trouble for fighting with another girl today in class." Ali said. "I told her not to bother you with it. I didn't want you to stress out."

Ashlyn nodded in understanding. Ali could see Ashlyn grinding her teeth and trying to contain her anger. Ash turned to her daughter and smiled, "Don't worry, Lex. We can talk about it later."

Ashlyn stood from the table and said, "If you will excuse me, I need to use the bathroom."

Ali followed her out of the room. She knew she was in trouble.

Ash knew Ali would follow her. She wanted to put as much space as possible between them and their children. She went upstairs to their room and prepared herself for an encounter with her wife. Ashlyn sat down at the foot of the bed and stared at the door knowing her wife would be coming in any second.

Sure enough within 5 seconds of Ash's arrival Ali slowly walked in with her head down. She knew she mishandled things. She carefully looked up at her wife and stood there quietly, ready to take whatever she had coming.

Ashlyn didn't say a word. She looked at her wife and Ali knew she was gonna have to really explain herself.

In Ashlyn's mind she was really trying to keep herself open to her wife, but she couldn't understand why her wife would encourage their child to keep something from her. That was over the line.

Ali was stalling. She knew she had to come clean but she didn't want to upset her wife. She was caught between a rock and a hard place. There was no way to win in this. She wronged her wife by trying to protect her, but if she told her the truth she wouldn't be able to protect her in the future because Ash would know what she was up too. 

There was a long awkward silence. Ashlyn was frustrated. She sighed loudly and fell down on her back to lay on their bed. 

"Alex, I know what you're doing. Don't try to come up with a story that you think will help you hide even more from me. Whatever happened to being honest with each other? I can't do this if you're gonna keep things from me. And I definitely can't do this if you are going to encourage our children to hide things from me. That doesn't work for me!" 

Ash just stared at the celling as she said this. Ali felt so ashamed and like she was a failure as a wife and mother. She didn't know how things got so messed up.

"I...um...I told Lex not to bother you with what happened, because I didn't want to stress you out." Ali said with her eyes burning a hole into the floor.

Ashlyn sat back up and watched her wife stare at the carpet. She let out a long and loud breath before she answered her wife.

"Do you really think the best way for you to keep me from having a breakdown is to lie to me and encourage our children to do the same?" It sounded harsh, but it was the truth.

Ali looked up at Ashlyn. She looked miserable. "I didn't really think about it like that. I just wanted to protect you from anything that might hurt you."

"Do you hear how ridiculous that sounds, Alex?" Ash asked.

"Yeah. And it's really stressful too." Ali said. She took a step closer to her wife. 

Ashlyn reached out for Ali and let her fall into her arms. 

"I'm just so scared." Ali confessed. "I'm so scared for you. I'm sorry. I didn't think that I would be the one hurting you. I was trying to protect you!" Ali was crying. Ash was trying to calm her down.

"I understand, Babe. I really do. But I need you to promise me you will treat me like an equal in our partnership. I need to know what is going on. I need to be able to help you when you need it. I can tell you've been on the verge of losing it for a couple of days. But you have been pushing me away when I try to help. I can't handle that, Ali. That's far worse to me than anything else that could come. I need you to let me help you the way you help me."

Ali had her face in Ashlyn's chest and Ash could feel her nod her head in agreement.

Ashlyn lifted her wife up in her lap so that they were face to face. Ali tried to hide her tear stained face but Ash tipped her head back up to look at her. She wiped her eyes and kissed her gently.

"I'm sorry, Ash." Ali whispered. "I really messed things up. I didn't mean to hurt you." Ali put her head down on Ashlyn's shoulders and hugged her. 

"Alright." Ashlyn stood up with Ali still in her arms. "Let's go. We left our kids to fend for themselves. I'm surprised the house hasn't burned down by now." Ali finally cracked a smile and even managed a small chuckle. Ash adjusted Ali so that she was on her hip with one leg wrapped around her front and one around her back. She carried her down the stairs and into the kitchen. The scene may have seemed strange for any other family, but the kids had seen this sort of thing many times before.

Ash set Ali down and took her seat. She pulled Ali back onto her lap and decided that was going to be the seating arrangement for the rest of dinner.

...

Ashlyn decided that she and the kids were in charge of helping Ali relax. Ash turned on a chick flick on Netflix and put Lexi in charge of painting her Mommy's nails. Sam was responsible for massaging her shoulders and giving her hugs and kisses. Ashlyn sat at the opposite end of the couch and massaged her wife's feet and legs. Ali was in heaven. For her the greatest stress in her life was not being connected to her family, so this was just what she needed to recharge and feel as good as new.

Ashlyn was happy to see her wife back to normal. She knew that this was going to be a constant struggle for her, but Ash always knew her main job was to take care of Ali. If Ali is happy then everyone is happy.

After the movie, nail painting, and massages, Ash and Ali put the kids to bed. Ashlyn was ready to continue to massage Ali in a more intimate way but she was stopped mid-kiss.

"What's wrong?" Ash asked extremely confused.

"It's your turn. Let me show you what stress free living feels like. I have some ideas on how to release any tension you might have in those muscles of yours'."

Ashlyn wasn't one to argue with her wife. She was ready and willing to let her wife have her way. She took off her clothes in record time and did a superman jump onto the bed. She rolled onto her back and told Ali to 'have at it.'

Ali let out a laugh and warned her wife that it might take awhile. "A good relaxing massage takes time." 

She smirked at her wife and asked, "Where should I start rubbing first?" 

Ashlyn's eyes went wide and she smiled at her very appreciative wife. She knew this would be a night she would remember for a long time.


	27. 2 Little Monkeys Sitting In A Tree

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is part one of a two chapter prompt request. Thank you for reading. I appreciate you so much. I hope you enjoy.

"Shhh! Shhh! Mommy's home." Ash whispered. "Ok, you guys know what to do when she comes in here."

Ash turned her attention to her wife opening the front door. "Babe, come here!" She yelled to Ali trying to get her to join them in the living room.

Ali was at the door struggling to carry all of the groceries she had just bought. She was close to dropping half of her load on the floor. 

"No, you come here!" She yelled at Ashlyn.

"Come on, I asked you first." Ash yelled.

Ali's tone changed from 'Honey, I'm home' to 'If you don't get your butt over here I will kill you' in a matter of seconds. "ASHLYN! I need you to come here!"

Ashlyn whispered to her kids to stay put and that she would be right back.

"Al, what?" She said and as she saw her wife she no longer wondered why her wife needed her. She grabbed the majority of the bags and carried them into the kitchen. She put them on the counter and then grabbed the rest of the groceries Ali was carrying and placed them on the counter, as well. 

"Come on." Ash grabbed Ali's arm and started to drag her towards their excited children who were waiting for her.

"Ashlyn, stop. I need to put these away. There's stuff that needs to be refrigerated." 

"It will only take a minute." Ash said.

"Ashlyn, you should have helped me in the first place, instead of arguing. We could have all of the frozen and refrigerated items put away by now. Sorry. You're just gonna have to wait." 

Ash let out a sigh and tapped her foot a few times. She then had an idea. She would help her wife put all the stuff away. She knew Ali would move too slow for her liking and by the time she got her act together the kids would probably move on from what they had been practicing all afternoon.

Ashlyn went into grocery overdrive. She moved Ali out of the way and rushed by her. Back and forth from countertop to refrigerator. She searched the bags to make sure everything that absolutely needed to be put away was taken care of. Then she turned to her wife and smiled.

"Ok, babe. I took care of all the cold stuff. Come on." Ash grabbed her wife's arm again.

"Wait, wait, wait. Hold on. I want to put the rest away." Ali was not cooperating.

"Ali, I came when you asked me to come now it's your turn." 

"Yes, but when I ask you to come it means I need your help. When you ask me, it means you are up to some kind of shenanigans." Ali paused as if realizing something. "That reminds me, where are our kids?" Ali asked.

"The kids are fine....Shenanigans? Is that all you think I'm about? I am so much more, Babe." Ash said with a smirk on her face. She moved in close to her wife and placed a hand on her waist.

"Oh yes, I know." Ali said sarcastically and smashed Ashlyn's cheeks together and gave her a kiss. She loved her goofy wife. "Ok, Baby. The groceries can wait. What did you need?"

Ashlyn smiled and picked her wife up and threw her over her shoulder. "Just some shenanigans! You know, the usual." She laughed all the way to the living room.

Ashlyn put Ali down on the couch and told her to stay put so she could take in the greatness of what was coming.

The kids were giggling and whispering when the two women got there. Ashlyn instructed them to greet their Mommy so they could get on with the plan. After welcome home hugs and kisses the family was ready to begin.

"Ok Lex, Sam, take your places." Sam and Lex walked about 5 feet directly in front of their seated Mommy. "Now turn around." 

Ash had the kids stand so that their backs were facing her wife. This worried Ali a little bit. Knowing her wife, this could be dangerous.

"Wait a minute. We're not playing 'name that smell' are we? Because I am not about that right now." Ali was not gonna be a chump today.

"Babe, you should know that's a game I only play with you when we're alone. Just relax. Trust me." Ash answered.

"Oh, alright." More sarcasm from her unconvinced wife.

"You kids remember what you have to do?" Ash asked.

They both acknowledged that they did remember their parts.

Lex turned around and asked, "Mama, are you ready?" 

"You know it, girl!" Ash answered. And held up one finger...two fingers...three fingers...and...

"Hey DJ!" Lex yelled with her head turned over her left shoulder, hands on her hips and looking at Ashlyn.

Samuel finished the sentence for his sister, punched at the air, and said "Hit it!"

Ashlyn pushed play on her iPod and the next thing Ali heard was some funky dance music.

Ashlyn joined her kids standing in front of Ali in a line with their backs toward her and said, "Ready? 3, 2, 1, GO!"

Ali started cracking up at the scene in front of her. Her wife and children were shaking their butts like a polaroid picture.

Once Ali caught her breath and stopped laughing enough she interrupted her wife's little shake-n-bake move and asked her, "You taught our children to twerk?" 

Ash stopped her dancing and told her wife, "Well, we call it the 'shake yo booty dance' but yeah, we've been practicing all day." 

"You're ridiculous."

"Mommy," Sam cut in, "shake yo booty too. Like me!" He gave her a very energetic example of what to do.

Ali laughed at her son's cuteness and looked at her wife when she answered, "That's a game I only play with your Mama when we're alone." Both Ali and Ash busted out with laughter.

Ash nodded knowingly. "You know it." 

Sam was clueless about what the two women were insinuating. 

"I'll tell you what. Why don't we turn this booty dance show into an all out dance party." 

The family spent the rest of the afternoon dancing their hearts out while the groceries sat on the counter until the party came to an end. Ashlyn was right, Ali thought. The groceries could wait. She was glad she didn't miss all the fun with her kids and crazy wife.

...

 

After the impromptu dance party, the family had to get back into their regular game day routine. The family had a quick dinner together and the women dropped the kids off at Ali's dad's house. He would later bring them to watch their parents a little closer to game time.

The team went through pre-game instructions and warm ups. They went through player introductions and the national anthem. Ali took her place with Sincy, the captain for Portland, did the coin flip and won the ball to start the first half.

The game was a good one. Play-off hopes were still alive for both teams, but not guaranteed for either. Portland had recently hit their offensive stride and was proving to be a difficult task to defend. 

Ashlyn had a few run ins with a speedy Alex Morgan and warned her that if she didn't slow it down then she was gonna have to call off their friendship. And she didn't even want to know what would happen if she scored on her.

It wasn't Alex that poked a ball passed her, it was Tobin. Tobin Heath aka Samuel's 'girlfriend.' Tobin didn't overly celebrate. Ashlyn is one of her good friends so she didn't want to rub it in. She did, however, hold her hands up in the shape of a heart and raised it up towards where the Krieger-Harris kids were sitting in the stands. Ashlyn couldn't stay too mad at her after that. She knew Tobin just made Sam's night.

The game ended in a tie, thanks to an equalizer from Christine Nairn. After the game Ali went straight for the stands, as usual, and let her children greet their friends on the field. Samuel ran straight for Tobin, who held him the entire time during cool down and autographs. She returned him to his parents when the team had to go change. 

After everyone cleaned up and changed the Krieger-Harris family made plans to get together with Tobin, Alex, Ocho, Niki, Allie, Vero, Nadine, and Rachel. At first the plan was to leave the kids with their grandpa but Sammy cried hysterically about not being able to hang out with Tobin. Tobin pretended like she didn't care either way, but she secretly was disappointed too when she heard the boy wouldn't be around. It all worked out though, and the two were inseparable.

...

 

The original plan was to go get drinks and something to eat with the women, but with the addition of two little ones they decided a night in would be better. Lexi was killing it with her dance moves. Alex and Vero were breaking it down with her. The house was loud and filled with laughter and music. 

Sam took Tobin by the hand and led her out to the back yard where it was more quiet. He wanted to introduce her to Monster so they could play together.

"Monster likes quiet." Sam informed Tobin.

"I like quiet too." Tobin answered. 

"Hey, watch this, Toby." Sam was all about impressing Tobin. Whenever they got together he wanted to show off his skills. 

Sam was jumping all over the place. Monster was barking at him and chasing him around the yard. Sam was doing flying kicks and karate chopping the air. He ran up to a tree and kicked at it. This gave Tobin an idea.

"Hey Sam-Bam, you ever climb this guy?" She patted the tree that he had just assaulted.

Sam looked up at the big tree. It seemed ginormous to the little boy. He shook his head no and had a worried look on his face.

"You know, when I was growing up, my sisters used to call me 'monkey.' Because I was always climbing on things. Especially trees like this one."

"My Mama calls me monkey some times."

"Hey, that's something we have in common, then. So...do you want to help me climb this tree?"

"Oooh...umm...ok." He answered nervously.

Tobin could tell he was nervous, so she showed him how she climbs. She pulled herself up a couple of branches and saw his face break out into a big smile. She jumped down and then held him up so he could grab a branch and pull himself up. Once he was safe on the branch she climbed up and sat next to them. They went a few branches higher but she knew not to get too crazy with a 3 year old. She didn't want her good friends to regret entrusting him into her care.

Ali, being the good mother that she is, saw that Sam had taken Tobin out back to play. She decided to check up on them after a while, just to make sure her son wasn't wearing Tobin out. Although, if there is any adult capable of keeping up with the boy, it's Tobin. Her and Ashlyn are probably the only two people Ali knows who can match his outgoing and energetic personality. She feels lucky to have both of them in his life.

At first Ali couldn't find them. She looked everywhere and there was no sign of Tobin or Sam. She did see Monster laying down in front of their big oak tree. She walked towards him and that's when she saw them. They were sitting on a tree branch about 5 feet off the ground. Both were straddling a very solid looking tree limb. Tobin had Sam's back snuggled up against her front. She held onto him securely with both arms around his stomach. Sam had his hands on top of Tobin's arms and held tightly to her hands. Ali was grateful that Tobin was making sure to keep Sammy safe, even though they weren't very high off the ground. 

Ali heard Tobin telling her son the story about the "Hopeful Monkey." 

She said that there were some monkeys that lived in a jungle and even though they were made to climb they were too afraid and lived on the ground. They would often become scared when it became dark out because they could only see a few inches in front of them. 

And that made them afraid because they were sure that there were lots of scary things out there, even though they couldn't see them. One day the 'hopeful monkey' decided that he wanted to climb out of the darkness and look for the light. He was braver than all the rest of the monkeys because he believed that there was more than just darkness and he wasn't going to give up until he found it. 

When he climbed up the tree, though he was scared, he kept going because his heart was filled with hope. It was hard and he got tired, but he kept climbing, until he finally broke through to the top of the tree and saw the bright moon and sky filled with stars. He saw that there was so much more to see than the few inches of darkness below. He decided from now on, no matter how dark it got on the ground he would always choose to live in the light.

Ali watched as her son's eyes were filled with wonder. She knew Tobin well enough that one day, when Sam was older and going through a dark time, that Tobin would remind him of the story of the 'Hopeful Monkey' and encourage him to look for the light. 

The thought of her friend caring about her son and his outlook on his future struggles made her tear up. She couldn't believe the thoughtfulness of someone who appeared so chill and out of it most the times. Everyone knew there was much more going on in Tobin's head than what she would share, but to hear her share this depth with her 3 year old son was something she would truly cherish forever.

Ali made sure the story was over and invited the two to join her inside with the rest of the group for dessert. She made sure to give Tobin a big hug when their guests left for the evening. She was very thankful that Tobin would take the time to invest in her son. She knew that she probably would have liked to spend time with Ashlyn and joke around with her and Alex. But she chose to spend her time where it would do the most good. Which didn't surprise her at all.

...

Ash finished tucking in Sam and Lex and found her wife in the master bathroom getting ready for bed. "Hey babe, did you have fun tonight?" Ash asked with a slightly raised voice. She was sitting on their bed and watching her wife do her nightly routine.

"Yeah, I had a great time. I'm glad it all worked out." Ali answered.

"I wish I would have gotten a chance to hang with Tobin a little bit, though." Ash said. "But I guess it's ok. Her and Alex are coming over tomorrow."

"They are? I didn't know that." Ali answered.

"Alex set it all up. She asked if they could hang out and take the kids. They're in DC for an extra day so it worked out perfectly. She invited you to go with her and Lex to do something girly and then I'll probably chill with Tobs and Sam. We might break out the long boards. Who knows?" 

Ali smiled and joined her wife in their bed. She gave her a kiss on the lips and told her about the story Tobin had shared with Samuel. 

"That's awesome." Ash couldn't believe her goofy friend would do that. "I figured they were just out back jumping on stuff and causing trouble."

"Me too." Ali laughed. "We need to make sure we let her know how much it means to us that she loves our kid like she does."

"Yeah, maybe I will stop telling embarrassing college stories about her to Alex. Or maybe not." Ash laughed and turned off the bedside light. Both women fell asleep with a smile on their face and a grateful heart.


	28. Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is part two of a two part prompt request. Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoy!

"Mommy! Toby's here! Toby's here! Toby's here!" Samuel was jumping up and down and yelling at the top of his lungs. He was standing right at the door but was too excited to actually open it.

"Baby," Ali said to her son, "why don't you let them in...and make sure you hug Alex before you attack Tobin."

"Ok, Mommy." Sam answered her, as his little hands struggled to turn the door knob. He opened the door and got really shy when he saw the two women. He put his head down and looked towards Alex's feet. He went straight to her and hugged her with one arm around her waist and the other around her legs. 

Alex bent down and embraced the boy. He managed to whisper a soft 'hi' before he pulled away. Alex was all too familiar with Sam's fascination with her girlfriend. She was used to him completely ignoring her if Tobin was around. So this was actually a pleasant surprise for her. 

When Sam separated himself from Alex it took him about a millisecond to lunge himself into Tobin's arms. She picked him up so that their faces were really close and gave him a kiss on the cheek. He had one of his hands wrapped around her neck and the other was petting the side of her head like he does to Monster.

Ali joined the women at the door and welcomed them in. "Sorry, I think his excitement to see you two made him forget to invite you in."

"I think you mean his excitement to see this one." Alex said pointing towards Tobin. 

"He loves you both." Ali interjected.

"I can tell by the way he hasn't stopped staring at Tobin since we got here." Alex said sarcastically and laughed.

Ali gave Sam a nudge to get his attention and told him to go get his Mama and sister.

"Ok, Mommy." Tobin set him down and the three waited in the kitchen for the rest of the brood to join them. 

Sammy was the only one to return. "Mommy, Mama said she needs help with Lexi."

Ali gave her son a kiss and made sure Alex and Tobin were ok before she left.

...

Ali walked into Lexi's room and found her crying in her wife's shoulder.

"What happened?" Ali rushed to them concerned that her daughter might be hurt.

"She says she's overwhelmed. It started with her wanting to get her hair just right for you and Alex and turned into this." Ashlyn whispered to her wife, while nodding toward their sobbing daughter. "I tried to tell her that you guys were gonna go get your hair done so it didn't need to be perfect and that apparently was the wrong thing to say."

"Oh, my sweet girl." Ali put her hand on Lexi's head and gave her a kiss. She turned her attention to Ashlyn, "I'll take her. Why don't you finish up breakfast for our guests." Ashlyn gave the girl to Ali and left her to do her magic.

...

Both Ali and Lex joined breakfast after a short delay. Ali had her daughter looking fabulous and at the encouragement of Ashlyn everyone made sure to let her know how great she looked as soon as they saw her. Lexi's confidence grew by the second. The table was all laughs and giggles in no time. 

Ali helped her wife finish bringing the food to the table and noticed her son whispering something into Tobin's ear. He was sitting contently in her lap and had both hands cupped around his mouth so that no one else could hear what he was saying. The next thing she saw was Sammy fish out the little monkey Ash found in his toy box earlier that morning. Tobin made a big deal out of how cool the monkey was and Sam felt like he had a real treasure in his hand. This brought a smile to Ali's face and reminded her to let Tobin know how much she means to their family and to thank her for sharing the monkey story with him the previous night.

The group had decided over breakfast to split up for the first part of the day and then meet at a local street fair nearby. Both groups were excited to spend some quality time together.

Ali, Alex and Lexi got their hair done, massages, and manicures. Lexi was in heaven. All three were in heaven, actually. Lexi felt much more relaxed. It didn't hurt that Alex kept mentioning how pretty she looked.

Ash, Tobin and Sam went to the beach. They ended up riding longboards along the sidewalk and Sam rode his bike with training wheels. It was a little too cold to go swimming so the three of them browsed the shops and got ice cream. They chased each other on the beach and made a sand kingdom. They agreed that if it was a real kingdom then Ali was the queen, because she is the queen of everything anyways, and Sam would be a mighty knight who protected her. 

Ashlyn made sure to text a picture of Sam the Knight in front of Queen Mommy's Sand Kingdom to Ali. Ash explained that Sam was probably going to call her Queen Mommy for awhile, because he was pretty excited when he came up with her new name. Queen Ali had no objections to her new title.

...

The street fair was turning out to be a great idea. It had kiddie rides that wouldn't cause Sam to throw up the 3 churros he ate as soon as they got there. The boy ate one all on his own, and Tobin let him have her's when she saw how much he liked it. The third one belonged to Lexi who said she was 'watching her figure.' She must have overheard someone say that at the spa earlier that day, because her parents are very careful about mentioning anything that would sound like her body wasn't perfect just the way it is.

Later that evening, Sam had washed down his churros with a root beer float. The float, churros and ice cream from earlier were making war in his stomach. He spent the rest of the night in Ashlyn's arms with his face pressed against her neck. 

Alex and Tobin decided to take Lexi on the Ferris wheel. Ash grabbed for Ali's hand with her free hand and pulled her in close. Even though they had been married for four years they still missed each other when they were apart -even if just for a few hours.

"Did you have fun with Tobin?" Ali asked.

"Yeah, she's a trip." Ash answered. "I'm surprised Sam is letting her out of his sight. He must really be feeling queazy." 

"Poor little guy." Ali looked at her son with sadness. She could tell he was feeling bad.

"Soooo..." Ali said. She was aching to tell her wife the newest gossip she had heard from Alex.

"Soooo..." Ash teased her, knowing she was about to spill.

"Alex told me she has been dropping hints like crazy to Tobin about getting married. Did Tobin mention anything?"

"Oh really? Our little Alex is ready to take the plunge, eh." 

Ali couldn't tell if her wife was surprised or hiding possible information. This only made her more nosey.

"Baby, did Tobin say anything to you?" Ali pulled on Ashlyn's arm trying to get her to talk.

"She might have mentioned something when Sam was busy building Queen Mommy's sand kingdom." Ashlyn knew her wife was about to explode with curiosity.

"Well?" 

Well?...What?" Ash was really pushing it.

"Well, what did she say? Come on, Ash! You're killing me!" Ali was so dramatic.

Ash laughed at her beautiful wife. She wondered how she got so lucky.

"Well," Ash said. "since we have little ears around, I have to be careful what I say." 

Ashlyn paused. She paused too long in her wife's opinion.

Ali stopped walking and pulled at Ashlyn's arm to make her stop, as well.

"Spill it!" She quietly whisper-yelled at her wife.

Ashlyn laughed at Ali's heightened stress level. "Ok, babe. Relax. She told me that she had been thinking about it and she knew that Alex is on the same page. But she felt like she wasn't ready because she has doubts about her ability to settle down and Alex being 'happy with her long term.' Those are her words, not mine."

"Happy with her long-term....Does she think Alex is just playing her or what?" Ali was confused.

"I asked her that but in different words. She said she felt that a goofy girl like her couldn't win herself someone like Alex. She said that she felt like someone with as much to offer as Alex would one day wake up and realize that someone like Tobin wasn't enough."

Ali looked so sad when she heard Tobin's thoughts. "Is she crazy? She's great!" Ali defended Tobin even though she wasn't there to hear it.

"I know that!" Ashlyn said. She led her wife to a bench and they both sat down. Sam was asleep by now and they could really talk.

"You know how religious her family is. She says that even though they have been loving towards both her and Alex, she feels like marriage and making it permanent might not go over well."

"Tobin is super religious, too. She hasn't lost her faith because she's in a relationship with Alex."

"I know, Al. She has come to terms with all of that. She is just worried that with the possibility of her family being let down and putting pressure on her that Alex might feel like it's just too hard. She doesn't think she could handle that. And she doesn't want to be the cause of any long term hurt to the woman she loves. I can understand that."

"You can understand that?" Ali was taken back to a conversation she overheard between Ash and her brother about causing their significant other to suffer as a reward for them choosing to love them. 

"First off Ash, I want to address you causing 'long-term hurt' later because you're wrong...but what did you tell her? You didn't tell her she was right did you?"

"Ok, chill. You don't need to address anything with me later, and I told her that I thought it was obvious that Alex loved her and would love her for the rest of her life."

"Ok, and..."

"And...I told her that I never thought a goofy girl like me would ever be able to land a hot Alex either, but look what happened." Ash said with a smirk. She had been waiting to tell her wife that since the conversation started.

"Good answer!" Ali cuddled into Ashlyn's side and gave her a kiss on the lips. "So what did Tobin say to that?" 

"She agreed that I married up and that you are way out of my league." Ashlyn laughed and went on, "She said she really loves her and once their contracts with Portland are finalized next year, and she knows they are gonna be together in the same city, on the same team every day, she is gonna ask Alex to look for a house together. And when they find the one, she is gonna ask her to marry her." 

"Wow. It sounds like she already knew what she wanted to do before you even started talking."

"She did. She was just having doubts. I guess she sees you and me and realizes it can work. It more than works. It's way better than anything else, really." Ashlyn was super serious when she said this. She wasn't trying to flirt or impress Ali. She just spoke the truth. 

Ash continued as Ali looked on with eyes filled with love, "Being so far away was hard on her. She loved the city, the people, the team...but none of them could compare to Alex. Our little nomad has finally realized that home isn't a place but a person. And Alex is that person for her."

Ali put her head on Ashlyn's free shoulder, because the other one had a sweaty boy's head on it, and hugged her waist. They stayed that way for several minutes before Alex, Tobin and Lexi found them. 

"You losers ready?" Tobin asked.

Ali looked up at Tobin like she had just said the sweetest thing to them. Alex noticed.

"What's going on over here?" Alex asked.

"Oh nothing. Ali just has hearts in her eyes. She's a sap for goofy girls." Ash answered.

"Oh shut up!" Ali smacked her wife on the stomach and leaned in closer to her. "I only have eyes for one goofy girl." 

Tobin knew right away what the two were talking about before they got there, so she decided to change the subject. "So, how's my little boyfriend feeling?" 

Ashlyn stood up and handed him to her. "Here, I am sure you can make him feel better. I have to kiss my wife." Ash brusquely grabbed Ali and gave her a PG-13 kind of kiss right there in the middle of the fair. She made sure Tobin could hear her when she said, "I'm glad I married you, Alex!"

Tobin blushed and turned her head towards her own Alex. "These two need to get a room."

"I think it's sweet." Alex said.

"Yeah, it is. One day it will be us, though." Tobin said under her breath. She thought no one heard her, but Alex did. Alex tried to hide her smile, but Ash noticed. 

It really is true, Ash thought, girls named Alex really are suckers for goofy girls.


	29. Dad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kind of a short one and a little emotional. I got emotional writing it. I hope you like it.

"Ashlyn, relax. Geeze, I'm sure whatever it is, it's no big deal." Ali tried to calm her anxious wife.

"How can you say that? Unless you know what it is. Did your dad say what this is about?" Ash replied. She was begging to know the reason Ali's dad had requested to meet with her alone.

"Baby, he didn't say. He said it was between you and him. But it's my dad. He loves you. You don't have to worry so much about it."

"Doesn't he know I've been having anxiety issues lately?" Ash said. "He probably thinks that I have been a bad wife to you or a bad mother to the kids. Somehow he's disappointed in me. I promised him when I asked permission to marry you that I would take care of you and treat you right. Maybe he thinks I haven't done that. What if..."

Ashlyn's blubbering was stopped by Ali's hand over her mouth. "Stop! You are making ME nervous now!" Ali removed her hand and gave her a stern look. Ashlyn nodded in understanding that she needed to calm down.

Ali continued when she saw Ash had at least settled down a little. "Baby, for real. My dad loves you so much. I really don't think you have to worry."

"Yeah but..." Ashlyn paused "...you know how he is. He is happier not saying a word half the time. He just goes with the flow. Why in the world would he possibly want to meet with me? He must be upset with me about something." Ashlyn started to absent-mindedly chew on her thumbnail.

Ash didn't want to disappoint Ali or her family. She knew that Ali's father, Ken, was a good man who valued taking care of those he loved. That was always his number one priority. She just knew she must have not measured up to his expectations. She thought that he must regret ever giving permission for her to marry his one and only daughter. 

Ali took Ashlyn's hand so that she would stop biting off what little nail she had left and held it next to her own heart. "Listen Ashlyn, you are everything to me. My dad knows that. He knows how happy you make me. You have nothing to worry about. I promise." 

Ali leaned in close to her and kissed her. She honestly had no clue why in the world her dad, who normally is quiet and prefers to be as far from drama as possible, would all of a sudden take the initiative to talk to Ashlyn. Even though it was out of the ordinary, she was confident everything would be ok. 

...

"Al, is what I'm wearing ok?" Ashlyn yelled from their bedroom. She was nervous. Her father-in-law would be there any minute. She was heading downstairs to where her wife was making dinner for the rest of the family.

"Mama, I think you look pretty." Sam pulled on Ash's hand as he stood at the bottom of the steps. He asked to be picked up by lifting his arms up. Ashlyn picked him up. He put his hands on the sides of her face. He stretched her skin with his fingers and then released it back to where it started.

"Mama, you're the prettiest!" The boy put both hands around her neck and smashed their faces together. Ashlyn loved how affectionate her son was. Maybe his pep talk would help her get through the night.

"Thank you, Sam. You're the handsomest guy I know." She said and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"What about me?" Ali's dad asked. His daughter had let him in and was on her way to let Ash know he had arrived.

"Umm, yeah...you too, Mr. Krieger." Ash answered nervously. Maybe her son's pep talk wasn't gonna be enough, after all.

"Ashlyn," he smiled, "you haven't called me Mr. Krieger in years." 

"Oh,uh, sorry...Ken." Ashlyn stuttered.

Ali grabbed her dad's arm and said, "For some reason she's nervous about tonight, Daddy. So be nice!""

Ashlyn gave Ali the dirtiest of looks. "I'm not nervous!"

"There's nothing to be nervous about. I'm gonna give my grandkids kisses and then we can go." He took Sam from Ash's arms and carried him to go find Lexi. 

Ashlyn took this opportunity to throw a few curse words Ali's way and make sure she knew she felt like throwing up.

"Baby, I'm sorry. You're just so cute when you're nervous." Ali gave Ash a hug, that Ashlyn did not return. 

Ashlyn rolled her eyes and said, "I'll remind you of this little stunt after your dad kicks me out of the family."

Ali just laughed. She really had no sympathy for Ashlyn's over reaction to the situation.

...

The whole ride to the restaurant was, for the most part, silent. Ali's dad wasn't much of a talker and Ashlyn was scared out of her mind. She didn't have the wits about her to try to charm him during the awkwardness. 

They ordered their food and barely said a word to each other. He asked a few of the usual questions like, 'How's work? How are the kids?', those kind of things. But he still seemed miles away from the reason they were there. All Ashlyn could think about was that he must be stalling, because he knows a terrible thing is about to happen.

Ashlyn couldn't eat much. Her stomach was doing somersaults and her head was spinning. Mr. Krieger paid for the bill and asked if Ashlyn wanted to go for a walk. She agreed and knew that her time was coming. There would be no more stalling. Even though she hated the awkwardness and the 'not knowing,' it was far better than 'knowing' and having a broken heart.

Mr. Krieger led her to a little park that had a small kid-sized soccer field with mini goals on each end. He held out his arm for Ashlyn to hold while he led her down some steps toward the field. There were two benches on the sidelines where the teams would sit during games. He invited her to sit on one of the benches while he stood in front of her.

"Ashlyn." Ken said. "This is where I brought Kyle and Ali to play soccer when they were about Sam's age. I used to love watching them. Especially my little girl run around all the boys and show them what a star looks like." 

Ashlyn had heard the stories of how good Ali was, even at such a young age. Kyle always hated that his little sister was so much better than him.

"Some of my happiest family memories happened here. Both my kids have made me so proud." Ali's father started to tear up, making Ashlyn very uncomfortable. She had never seen this side of her father-in-law before. He was always so stoic.

"Ashlyn, I wanted to talk to you about what happened with your father." 

Well, that was unexpected and probably the only thing that could be more uncomfortable for Ashlyn to talk about than all of the things she was imagining.

"I didn't like how all of that happened." He said.

Ashlyn finally found her voice. "I'm sorry you had to see that. Honestly, that's the first time we talked in over two decades." She felt so ashamed. What did Mr. Krieger think his daughter had married into? He must have thought the worst.

"Ashlyn, I didn't like how he spoke to you." Ken said, very seriously.

Ashlyn wasn't sure how to respond to that, so she didn't. She stayed completely silent.

Ken went on, "I really didn't like what he said. Ali never told me about the difficulties you had with him until after that day. She explained a few things, but not too much. She said she didn't want to say more than you would want her to say. I understand why she would say that. But I heard enough to know I didn't like it."

Ash was really uncomfortable now. Ken seemed pretty uncomfortable too. Ashlyn put her head down and stared at the grass below. She heard Mr. Krieger move. She looked up to find him kneeling in front of her and staring right at her. She felt a lump rising in her throat. 

"Ashlyn," he said and took her hand. All Ash could think about was how uncomfortable she was. "I have been thinking about that day when he visited you and about everything Ali told me. I have been thinking about it ever since...." He paused. Tears were starting to gather in Ashlyn's eyes and all she wanted to do was to run, but she couldn't because it was Ali's dad. What would he think? He probably already felt like she wasn't good enough.

Ali's dad took a long breath in and then continued. "I can't get it all out of my head. I wanted you to know. I wanted to tell you for so long. I'm not good with words, though..." He stopped again. He appeared to be trying to find the right words to explain. "I wanted to say that..." He looked down at the ground and then back up at Ashlyn and said, "I love you."

His eyes were wet from tears threatening to spill. "And I wanted to say that anyone that can't see how amazing you are, doesn't deserve you." He wiped away a stray tear that escaped his eyes and then wiped the streams that were flowing from Ashlyn's. 

"Ashlyn, I'm angry that he hurt you. I wish I could have protected you when you were little." He dropped Ashlyn's hand, put both his hands on her shoulders and said, "It would mean a lot to me if you would call me dad...because you really deserve one."

Well that did it. Both of them were a mess of tears. Ashlyn sprung off the bench and hugged him. He held onto her tight. He meant what he said about wanting to protect her. He considered her his own daughter and had felt that way for a long time.

...

Ali was surprised when only her dad entered through the front door. He gave her a small smile and told her that her wife was outside and probably needed her. This worried Ali. She thought maybe Ashlyn was right and her dad was upset with her. Why else would she need her to talk to her outside?

Ali rushed outside and found her wife sitting on the front porch swing. "Hey baby, is everything alright?" Ali asked cautiously. Ashlyn looked like she had been crying.

Ashlyn pulled Ali next to her and laid her head on her chest. She quietly explained what had just happened. "Your dad asked me to call him 'Dad.' He said he wished I was his daughter, so he could've protected me. He said he wanted to be my dad, because he thought I was amazing and I deserved to have a one." 

Ali felt Ashlyn's wet tears on her shirt. "Oh yeah, and he told me he loved me."

Ali didn't know what to say. Her heart was exploding with emotions. She knew her wife was conflicted with hurt from her past but also with awe at what Ali's dad had just given to her. He had given her the acceptance and love that she had always wanted from a father. Ali knew she had to try to hold it together at least for a little bit so that Ashlyn could soak up her strength.

Ali held Ashlyn on the porch swing for a long time that night. She could feel Ashlyn's heart starting to heal. She could feel her own heart bursting with love.


	30. Blessed

The Krieger-Harris family was shuffling out of the car. Ali unloaded a backpack with the morning's necessities, while Ashlyn unloaded the kids. They were meeting Ali's dad for a D.C. Family Fun Run to raise money for cancer research. The kids were as cute as ever with their over-sized bright purple fun-run shirts. Lexi had the extra fabric on her shirt pulled to the side and tied up in a knot. Ali convinced her that it was very fashionable to wear it that way. Little Sammy was swimming in his shirt. It reached all the way past his knees. 

"Ashlyn! I told you to tuck his shirt in." Ali wanted her kids to look as good as possible. 

"Alex, come and do it yourself if you think he needs it. The shirt sticks out past the bottom of his shorts when I tucked it in. Is that the look you're going for?" Ash was irritated that her wife was harping on something so insignificant. She tried it and it didn't work. Ali needed to trust her judgment and let it go.

Ali shoved the backpack at her wife and took her son. She set him down and knelt down next to him trying to figure out the best way to get his shirt situated. Ashlyn was making faces at Sam the whole time behind her back so the boy would not hold still. He was cracking up from the moment she started to the moment she stopped. She ended up settling for just tucking it in a little bit in the front of his shorts and letting it hang down the back. Ashlyn had to admit it did look better.

Ali grabbed the bag from Ashlyn and pinched her arm. "I know you were making him laugh. I really wish I didn't have to raise three kids!"

Ashlyn flinched from the pain caused by Ali's angry pinch and denied her accusations. "I would never....and don't be so quick to complain about raising three kids. You never know what the future may hold." 

Ashlyn was such a jerk. And she was also right. They had been talking about adding another child or two to the mix. The how and when were the biggest questions. They definitely wanted more children. They were content with the two blessings they already had, but felt they had a special calling on their lives. And that purpose was to love those who needed it most. 

"Mama, up." Sam raised his hands up not realizing the serious moment his parents were having. 

Ashlyn gave her wife a wink, because she knew she won that discussion, and picked the boy up and started talking about bugs. Ali just shook her head smiling. Her life would never be boring as long as Ashlyn was around...and she loved it.

The family met up with Mr. Krieger, who had already checked them all in. Sammy yelled for him with excitement. "Grandpa!" He stretched out to him and gave him a hug. Ashlyn tried to just hand him over but Sam was acting a little clingy to her today. As soon as she started angling him towards Ken to hold, he reached back and practically choked her neck.

"No, Mama! I wanna stay with you!"

Ali let her dad know that he had been like this all day. He wouldn't even let her hold him while Ashlyn loaded the Jeep this morning. He stood next to her and held on to her leg the whole time.

"What can I say?" Ash bragged. "The boy has good taste."

"What are you saying about my dad?" Ali joked. "You better watch it, woman."

"I wasn't saying it about your dad. I was saying it about you." Ash wagged her eyebrows and smirked at her cute wife. Then she finished it off with a "So deal with it."

Ali's dad cut in. "Ok, girls. Let's behave. Especially in front of the children." All three of the adults laughed.

Ali had picked up the family's Fun Run shirts earlier that month and had 'TEAM KRIEGER' put on the back. Ali's grandmother, Ken's mom, had died of colon cancer. It happened before Ali was born so she never knew her, but it was important for her family to support her dad and the cause. They wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

...

The family jogged, but mostly walked the 5K run with Mr. Krieger. Once they crossed the finish line Mr. Krieger went on to finish a half marathon. They had arranged before hand to meet back at the house for a late lunch afterwards.

Mr. Krieger arrived at about 2:00pm. Ashlyn and Sam grilled steaks for the adults and hot dogs for the kids. Ali and Lex already had the picnic table in the back all set up and ready, including mac and cheese, cole slaw, veggies, and watermelon. They wanted everything perfect for Mr. Krieger. 

They drank sweet tea and talked through the night. Ash and Ali asked Ken to share stories about him and his mom growing up. They wanted to really spend the day celebrating the woman. 

Sam ended up getting bored of the conversation and dragged Ashlyn to their big oak tree. Ali watched the two of them lay flat on the ground and giggle their hearts out. They would point to who knows what in the branches above them and have long conversations about them. She watched her son jump on top of Ashlyn's chest and play with her face and hair. After much laughter and some wrestling she saw her son finally lay down flat against her wife's chest and fall asleep.

She got up to put her son to bed, but her dad stopped her. "Let me." He said. He approached the two and instead of picking up Samuel he laid down next to Ashlyn. Ali smiled and thought that maybe Sam wasn't the only one attached to Ashlyn today. 

"Nice tree." Ali's dad said. He always had his own way with words. 

"Thanks. It came with the house." Ash joked.

"Yeah, I know. Nice house, too."

"Thanks. It came with the lawn." They both shared a laugh.

"I was thinking maybe you and I could build a tree house for the kids. I mean, if that's something you would be interested in." Ali's dad said.

"Sure. I think that's something the kids would really like. Would we have to cut a lot of branches off the tree? How does that work?"

"We can figure that out after we figure out what you want the tree house to look like and the size and all that."

"Hmm." Ash hummed in thought."Do you think Ali would go for it? She would probably think it wasn't safe."

"We'll work on her. We can plan it now and build it when the kids are a little bit bigger. My grandkids deserve to have a tree house."

They both laughed thinking about the high probability of Ali worrying about every possible problem that could ever happen in the history of the world. 

"She would probably want life jackets in the tree house in case there is a giant tidal wave that floods DC." Ashlyn joked.

"Maybe we should put crucifixes and garlic just in case vampires attack." Ken added.

At that precise moment Ali walked up. "Ok you two, stop making fun of me. I'm gonna put the kids to bed and you guys need to come up with a really good way to apologize. I prefer chocolate over flowers." Ali scooped up Sam and left her wife and dad laughing as she went on her way.

"You're good for my daughter." All of a sudden Mr. Krieger got serious. "I watch you with her and the kids, and I know we are all blessed to have you."

Ashlyn had gained a little confidence from the last time they had a serious conversation and decided to be a little sarcastic with her response. "Yeah, you really are." They both laughed at that.

Mr. Krieger reached for her hand and squeezed before quickly letting go. "I really am serious, though. You can always tell when someone is a good parent by how their child acts around them. I look at Sam and see that you are like a superhero to him. It's awesome."

"Thanks, Ken." Ash sincerely said. 

"And about that!" He said. "I thought we agreed that you would start calling me dad. I know it might be weird at first, but you're my daughter and that's it. My other two kids call me everything you can think of. I need at least one of my kids to call me 'dad.' "

That made Ash smile. Kyle and Ali had a million nicknames for their dad. They did actually also call him Dad, but still. She got the point.

"Alright Big Ken...I mean...Dad." She couldn't be too serious. They were laying under an oak tree and talking about vampires and tidal waves, for crying out loud.

There little Father-Daughter moment was interrupted by Samuel screaming "MAMA!!!!" at the top of his lungs. She leapt up and ran towards his bedroom. Both Ashlyn and Ken came running through his door.

"Is everyone ok?" Ash asked.

"We're fine. Sam woke up as I was tucking him in and screamed when he didn't see you." Ali seemed a little hurt and a lot frustrated.

Ash sat down next to Sam and he climbed in her arms. "What's going on Sam-Bam? Mommy always does a good job at tucking you in." 

"I want you to do it!" He said through angry tears. Monster seemed to be really upset because his boy was crying. The dog licked Sam's face but Sam pushed him away.

"I don't get what is going on with him lately." Ali said. 

Ashlyn rubbed Sam's back and gave Ali a concerned look. "I have no idea, either."

Ken decided to remind the women that he was still there. He quickly said his goodbyes and left them to figure out what to do about their son.

They decided to let both Sam and Monster sleep in their bed for the night. Sam held tightly to Ashlyn the entire night. Ash didn't notice but he woke up several times during the night and seemed scared. Once he realized where he was and who he was with, he would fall back to sleep. Ash didn't notice. But Ali did. 

...

The next morning Sammy and Ashlyn went on a special Mama-son date. Ashlyn wanted to have another go at figuring out what was bothering Sam. She took him to the park and tried to really wear him out. She knew that he would do better at sitting still and paying attention if he didn't have a lot of pent up energy. They brought Monster along to help with the energy problem.

Ash watched Sam chase Monster for a long time before calling them to come to her and sit on a nearby bench. She tied Monster up and lifted Sam into her lap.

"Hey buddy. I wanted to ask you something." She said.

"Ok, Mama." He replied without a care in the world.

"Do you remember what happened last night? Do you remember yelling at Mommy and pushing Monster away when he tried to give you kisses?"

The boy's demeanor changed instantly. 

"Samuel....do you remember?" The boy put his head down and stuck out his lower lip. She could tell he felt bad, she just wasn't sure what he was feeling bad about.

"Sam." She lifted up his face so that she could look into his eyes. "Why did you yell at Mommy yesterday when she tried to tuck you in?"

"Cuz I wanted you?" He whined.

"But why? Mommy has put you to bed millions of times."

"I don't want you to leave." He said and put his head back down.

"Wait...what did you say, Sam? I don't think I heard you right." Ash thought she couldn't possibly have heard what she just heard.

"Mommy said you were sad cuz of family. I didn't mean to make you sad, Mama." The boy started crying and buried his head into her shoulder. He grabbed so tightly to her shirt, it broke her heart. It was like he thought if he didn't hold tight he would lose her.

Ashlyn spent the rest of the morning reassuring him that she would never leave him, Lexi or Ali. There would never be anything that could make her want to leave him. She also told him that he only ever made her happy and that the people that made her sad were long gone and far away.

...

The two, plus a happy dog, arrived home and Ash went straight to her wife. She didn't say a word at first. She watched her son take Monster up to his room before saying anything. As soon as he was out of sight she turned toward her wife.

"So, what in the world did you say to our son to make him think that I was going to leave you guys?"

"What?!" Ali answered.

"He said YOU told him that family made me sad. He begged me not to leave him. He has been having nightmares that I leave during the night and never come back. What exactly did you say, Alex?"

"I didn't say anything, Ashlyn. I swear!" Ali was as shocked to hear this as Ashlyn was earlier.

"Do you think he overheard you telling someone about my crappy childhood, or what?" Ashlyn was kinda hurt that her wife probably gossiped about her to someone. And she was definitely upset that she mentioned it in front of their 3 year old.

"Ashlyn, I don't like your tone." Ali could tell she was upset and she felt like she didn't deserve this from her wife. "The only person I have talked about this with is my dad. You already know about that. If he overheard it, I am sorry. I thought he was in bed. I talked to my dad on the phone about it well past his bedtime."

Ashlyn looked her wife over. She could tell she was speaking the truth and decided that she may have over reacted. "Ok. I believe you."

"And...." Ali added to her wife's confession.

"And...I'm sorry."

"Ok. That's better. I'm sorry too. I'm sure he didn't understand much. Were you able to set him straight?" Ali asked.

"Yeah, he's ok now. He will probably apologize to you later. He told Monster he was sorry for being mean to him last night."

"Our little boy is so sweet." Ali said and put her hand over her heart.

"He gets it from you." Ash said and kissed her wife. Ali sunk into her arms and held her tight for a moment longer.

"Baby, I'm so glad you chose me." Ali was feeling emotional lately. Furthermore, her sons confession of worrying about losing Ashlyn made her even more so. Her wife's assurance of never leaving them stirred all her emotions into a bubbling heap and all she could do was try to let Ash know how lucky she felt to have her.

"Oh hey," Ash suddenly remembered, "I forgot to tell you. I called your dad, 'dad' for the first time last night." She said it like it was no big deal. But it was a big deal, especially to her wife, who couldn't help but be over sensitive at the moment.

"What?" And just like that Ali started to cry into her wife's shoulder. 

"Al, what's wrong?" Ashlyn switched gears immediately. She thought she had hurt her wife or said something wrong.

"You're what's wrong. You're what's right. What are you doing to me?"

She just kept crying. Ashlyn had no response to that. So she just stayed quiet. She had learned a long time ago that not saying anything was often the best thing she could do in situations like this.

Ali continued, as Ash knew she would. "I'm just emotional, ok? It's a GOOD thing...I love you...Now shut up and kiss me."

"Well, I can't argue with that." Ashlyn wiped her wife's tears with her lips and kissed her passionately. She now had a family that brought her joy that far outweighs all of the sadness in her past.

Holding Ali in this moment, sharing a life with her and their children, made it all worth it. She thought Mr. Krieger was wrong. She's the one who is truly blessed.


	31. Sync

Darkness. Darkness was all that Ashlyn could see. Everything else was gone. She was unconscious on the ground. There was no movement or any sign that she was ok. Or even alive for that matter. Ali was on the ground next to her writhing in pain. It took her a full minute to realize that something was wrong with her wife. Something was very wrong...

 

...

The two had been out of sync the last few days. The previous day they both arrived at Lexi's soccer practice thinking they had to pick her up, leaving Sam 'parent-less' and waiting for a ride at daycare.

"Ashlyn, what are you doing here?" Ali worriedly scolded her wife when she saw her approach the soccer field.

"You told me I needed to pick Lex up after my doctor's appointment." Ash defended herself.

"Ash, you never focus when I'm talking to you. I said I would pick up Lex and you would pick up Sam. Now our baby is all alone waiting for you!"

"Alex, I thought you told me that you were picking him up?"

"You thought wrong, Ashlyn! Now stop trying to defend that fact that you don't pay attention when I talk and go pick up our son!" Ali yelled at her wife in frustration. 

She felt bad when see saw her wife's discouraged face. Obviously Ashlyn's intentions weren't to forget about their beloved son. It was an honest mistake. Unfortunately, she didn't have time to apologize because Ashlyn turned and jogged to her Jeep to pick him up. 

The plan was to drop the kids off at Ali's dad's house before they met the team to travel to Kansas City for the following day's game. They would sometimes bring the kids to away games, but that was usually only for short road trips or if it was a special circumstance. Any other away game usually meant they would stay at Grandpa's house.

Once they both arrived at the right places and picked up the correct child they dropped them off at Ali's dad's house. After the earlier miscommunication they had another miscue. Ashlyn assumed Ali had brought her allergy medicine in one of their carry-on bags. Not only did Ash take a pill every day but she had an inhaler for emergencies. She rarely used it but sometimes allergens in the air made it difficult for her to breathe. So they always made sure to have one around. 

Ashlyn knew that the midwest part of the country had different tree and pollen allergens in the air this time of year, and that she was prone to upper respiratory infections. The truth is she never thought to bring her medications simply because she knew her wife ALWAYS remembers....well, almost always.

Ali forgot. And when Ash asked her about it she got defensive and complained about how Ashlyn can't expect her to remember everything and that she needed to be more responsible and act like a grown up. 

Ashlyn was frustrated but knew it wasn't really a big deal. The whole situation with forgetting about one of their children had made Ali extra sensitive and she could understand that. So she swallowed her pride and made a late night trip to a 24 hour pharmacy. Problem solved.

The morning of the game, they were supposed to meet for breakfast and have a little alone time but Ashlyn overslept. It wasn't her fault. She wasn't being lazy or forgetting about her wife. The allergy medication she purchased was a different brand and it made her more drowsy than usual. It was a lot harder for her to wake up.

Ali had woken up and went for a jog with Crystal and expected her wife to be ready to go when she got back. Unfortunately, Ash was snoring away. When Ali tried to wake her up she could tell her wife was too groggy to function quick enough for them to really be able to have any quality time together before their team meeting. 

Ali was disappointed and again felt disconnected from her wife. It wasn't really anything too serious to worry about. They had been together practically forever and it's normal to have a few 'off' days every now and then. She wasn't upset with Ashlyn. She just thought the sooner they could get back in sync, the better. Plus Ash is her best friend. She would have liked to spend a little BFF time with her before the game that day.  
...

The game had been a rough one. The defense was not doing Ashlyn any favors. Even Ali, who in Ashlyn's mind and heart is always the best player on the field, had had some big defensive mistakes. All Ashlyn could do was try to motivate her team to play hard and smart against a very good Kansas City team. 

The game wasn't a blow out but a few more mistakes could easily put it out of reach. After another Cheney goal, Ashlyn and Ali had quickly gathered the back line together to try to pump them up. Everyone was working hard, it just wasn't the Spirit's day. And it REALLY wasn't Ashlyn's day either.

No matter how hard the defense played, Kansas City's offense seemed to find seams and open passing lanes. They were having their way with the defense. They were simply unstoppable.  
...

After a hard collision Ashlyn was laying face down in the grass. Ali had chased down a ball from A-Rod at full speed and had collided with Ashlyn as she was making the save. Ali tried to avoid hitting the keeper but smashed her knee into a diving Ashlyn's head. The ball ended up rolling to Crystal Dunn who was able to clear it out of bounds.

Ali's knee was throbbing. Her first thought was that she had once again injured her knee and that scared her. Her second thought came about 60 seconds later when she realized that it was her wife's head that had caused the pain and that scared her even more.

She limped her way the few feet over to her wife. She knew right away that something was very wrong. The two had a deal with each other. Whenever they got injured they would always look for the other one on the field and give a nod or some kind of acknowledgement that they were ok. Right now there was no nod. There was nothing to confirm that Ash wasn't seriously injured. 

Ashlyn was unconscious for 4 minutes. At least that's what the team trainer told her. Both Ashlyn and Ali were subbed out after the collision. Ashlyn recognized Ali but everything else was fuzzy. They tried to walk Ash off the field but she was completely unable to stand on her own. Walking was absolutely impossible. Ali had to live out her biggest nightmare as a spouse and teammate. She had to watch her wife be carried off on a stretcher.

The Kansas City medical staff was on point. They had an ambulance waiting to take her to the hospital as soon as she got off the field. Ali went with her. She held her hand and tried to comfort her but Ashlyn was so out of it she doubted it made a difference. Ali was terrified for her wife.

A doctor there tried to assess Ashlyn's injury. He asked her questions but none of her answers made any sense. He finally told Ali that he was going to have a tech come in and take her to radiology to get a CT scan. Ali was no stranger to concussions. She knew that if a doctor recommended one right away that it couldn't be good.

The doctor really had no choice. Ashlyn was confused half the time or completely non responsive to his questions. Ali was scared. She could tell Ashlyn was very agitated. She knew she didn't quite know what was going on but could tell she was afraid. Ali felt helpless in being able to bring her wife comfort.  
...

Niki, Cheney and A-Rod ended up meeting Ali at the hospital after the game. They managed to find Ashlyn's room. However, the only occupant was her very worried wife. 

"Ali, how's Ashlyn?" Lauren asked as she rushed to her side to give her hug. They could all easily see the worry on Ali's face.

"Not good. She's getting a CT scan right now. She was so confused. I can tell she's scared but I feel like she can't understand what's happening. I'm so afraid for her." Ali rested her head on Lauren's shoulder for a moment before pulling away and trying to hide the tears on her face. 

Lauren pulled a tissue from a nearby Kleenex box and wiped her face for her. "It's ok, Ali. We're here for you. You know how tough Ashlyn is. She'll be ok."

Amy joined the two women in a hug and Niki found a seat in the corner of the room. She didn't know what to say. She figured Lauren and Amy were doing a good job of taking care of Ali. So she just kept her distance and worried about her dear friend.

After what felt like forever for Ali, Ashlyn was brought back in. Her eyes were closed and she wasn't moving. Ali couldn't tell if she was sleeping or worse.

"Is she ok?" Ali asked the tech who had brought her back to the room.

"The doctor should be in shortly to go over her results with you." She answered.

"But, I mean, is she going to be ok?" Ali had to know. Her wife did not look good. 

"Ma'am, I'm sorry. But I can't give results. You have to wait for the doctor." The woman answered and gave a sympathetic smile before she left the room that was quickly filling up with even more worry.

Ali grabbed hold of her wife's hand and held it up to her face. She absent-mindedly would kiss it over and over as they waited. Lauren and A-Rod took up residence on the other side of Ashlyn. Lauren grabbed her free hand and began to silently pray for her.

The doctor finally arrived after what felt like and eternity to Ali. 

"Has she woken up recently." He asked.

"No, she's been asleep since the lady brought her back." Ali answered. "Is my wife going to be ok?"

"Umm, maybe it would be best if we spoke in private." As the doctor said this the 3 other visitors quickly left the room. Cheney made sure to give Ali a kiss on the cheek before she left. 

The doctor continued. "We have a problem. The state of Kansas doesn't recognize gay marriage. My hands are tied regarding giving you medical information on behalf of Miss Harris."

"What?" Ali was about to explode. 

"Please, don't misunderstand my intentions here. I want to tell you, but I could get in trouble. I could lose my job at this hospital." 

"We've been married for 4 years. We have two children together and her name isn't 'Harris.' It's 'Krieger-Harris' You can't treat us like this. She needs me!" Ali was hysterical.

"Please, don't get upset. Is there maybe a parent of her's that I can call and they can give me the ok to share her medical information with you?" He really was apologetic and she could tell he didn't mean her or Ashlyn any harm. He was just following orders....old backwards and ignorant orders.

"Her grandmother was her legal guardian growing up. Or her brother. Would her brother work? I think it might be a little late to call her grandma." Ali was too tired to put up a fight. She just needed to find a solution.

"That would be fine." The doctor paused for a minute as if wondering if he should share what was on his mind. 

"Ma'am all I need is for someone to verbally tell me that they are legally related, or next of kin, to Miss Harris and to give me verbal permission to share information with you. I need verbal permission..." He said again as if to make a point. "...from anyone VERBALLY telling me that they are legally related. Understand?"

At first Ali didn't really understand. She thought he was just being careful and making sure she knew that either Ashlyn's grandma or brother would have to call. But then it dawned on her and she finally did understand. The doctor really didn't care if it was actually Ash's next of kin, he just needed to verbally hear someone claim that they were. That way he wasn't going to get in trouble and Ali wouldn't have to worry about getting in touch with someone hundreds of miles away in the middle of the night. 

"Yes, doctor I understand."

The doctor handed her a piece of paper with his number written on it. He told her he would be only a few minutes away and that she needed to have Ashlyn's 'relative' call him when she got ahold of them. He said he would be able to return as soon as he got the call.

Ali ended up having Cheney call and pretend to be Ashlyn's grandma. It was ridiculous and the doctor knew there was no way that she was a grandmother but he didn't care. Lauren said the right words to make it so he wasn't liable to the hospital and couldn't be legally prosecuted if caught. He was able to release Ash's chart and information to Ali and that's all that mattered. It was stupid and it was a pain, but Ali was happy to find out that though Ashlyn's symptoms were severe and would need to be carefully monitored, it didn't look to be anything that would affect her long term.  
...

Both Ashlyn and Ali stayed in Kansas City until Ashlyn was cleared to fly home. She ended up staying 2 nights in the hospital and 2 more nights at Lauren and Jrue's. Luckily Cheney had a big house and was a very hospitable host. They missed the kids but were glad it wasn't as bad as it could have been.

Poor Ashlyn struggled with headaches and severe sensitivity to light and sound for almost a week. The plane ride home was a nightmare. Ash had to wear earplugs because it was too loud and she spent the entire flight with her head in Ali's lap and squeezing her eyes shut. Once they got home little Sam and Monster were put on 'quiet duty.' Ali said that Sammy was the Sheriff and had to make sure everyone stayed quiet for his Mama. His pup was his Deputy and Sam had to make sure to keep him and everyone else in line. Sam and Monster took their new responsibility very seriously and it kept the noise level down considerably.

Ashlyn did eventually return back to normal. She missed two games because of the injury though, and Ashlyn absolutely hated that! But the concussion provided even more opportunities than usual to let her wife take care of her and give her extra affection and attention...and she absolutely LOVED that!

Ali's knee developed a huge bruise on it where it hit her wife's very hard head. She was able to play after one game of rest. After all was back to normal Ali made sure to use the bruise to remind Ash not to be so 'hard-headed' and to let her have her way from time to time. It was a dumb joke, but the women seemed to really appreciate dumb jokes in their marriage, especially Ashlyn.

One good thing about the whole incident is that both Ali and Ash felt like they were back in sync, once again.


	32. Flu

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a prompt request. As always, I am so thankful for all of my readers. I hope you enjoy.

The taxi pulled up right outside the Krieger-Harris house a little after 3pm. Ali thanked the driver and paid the fare. She made sure to give him a nice tip since it seemed he drove a little faster when she let him know how excited she was to get home and see her family. Ali had been gone for a week on a photo shoot with Syd for Nike and missed her family desperately. 

She had spoken to Ashlyn last night and told her when to expect her. The kids had a day packed with activities so she wasn't too surprised when she didn't hear from her wife before her flight home.

She could see her wife's Jeep was parked in the driveway instead of the garage. She figured the family must have been in a hurry when they got home. Ash usually puts her 'baby' to sleep in the garage. 

Ali never understood her wife's relationship with her vehicle. It really was similar to the kind of love you save for your significant other or a child. To Ali it was borderline insane but she put up with it because Ashlyn was the greatest thing that ever happened to her.

When Ali entered the house she was surprised by a couple of things. The first thing was that no one greeted her. Usually she would have been attacked with an assault of hugs and kisses within seconds of entering the house. The second thing that surprised her was that the house was uncommonly quiet.

She figured the family must be outside playing and that's why they didn't greet her. She made her way to the living room to get to the sliding glass doors leading to the back yard. She didn't make it to the back yard though. She saw her entire family sprawled out on the couch. Ashlyn had opened up the pull out bed in the couch. All three family members were fast asleep. 

Ali looked around for clues to why her family was knocked out in the middle of the day. She saw the trash can was pulled up right next to the bed and there was pepto children's medicine and the adult version, as well. She saw a few discarded empty bottles of water and gatorade tossed on the floor around the couch/bed. 

Her family was sick. 

Ali let out a sympathetic sigh and sat on the pull out next to where her wife's head was. She stroked her face and moved her sweaty hair out of her eyes. She gave her a gentle shake to wake her up.

Ashlyn took a few moments to come out of her unconscious state. Ali used that time to glance towards her children. Little Sam had his head on Ashlyn's hip, as Ash was lying on her side almost in the fetal position. She was holding her stomach and he was holding onto one of her hands. Lexi had cuddled up close to her little brother and hugged him as they slept. It would have been sweet if they didn't look so miserable.

Ashlyn let out a groan and Ali turned her attention back to her. She leaned down so that she could whisper to her wife and be heard.

"Hey baby. You don't look too good." Ali picked up a moist towel that was on the table next to them and wiped the cold sweat of her wife's brow.

"Flu." Ashlyn groaned.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart. Did it just start this morning?"

"Yeah, I think someone at daycare gave it to the kids yesterday. We woke up feeling like death." Ash rolled into Ali who was sitting on the edge and rubbing her back.

"Baby, why aren't you guys in our bed. I'm sure it's much more comfortable." Ali was surprised her family didn't pick a more suitable place to rest.

"We were on our way to the park because I thought the fresh air would do us good but we had to rush back home when Lex threw up in the car. I pulled out the bed down here, so that we could watch movies. It didn't start out as bad. I never imagined this would be where we would meet our death."

"My poor dramatic wife!" Ali consoled her a little too sarcastically to hide.

"Plus I knew you would be home today and didn't want to infect our room." Ash said.

Oh man. Ali thought. Why does my wife have to be so sweet? Even when she's sick she's putting me first.

"Ash, you should have gone upstairs. The bathroom is only a few feet from the bed. It would have been so much more convenient and comfortable." She leaned down and kissed her forehead.

"Mommy." Ali heard a little voice mumble into Ashlyn's side. Samuel lifted up his head and hands signaling that he wanted to be held. Ali lifted him up and held him close. She knew that he would probably just fall asleep but she loved being home to take care of her family. These are the moments 'super moms' like Ali live for.

"Ok my loves, I'm gonna get you all fixed up." Ali made sure Ashlyn and Lexi were comfortable and carried Sam to the kitchen. She made them soup and brought them water. She covered them up with warm blankets and gave them more comfortable pillows to sleep on.

She turned on Curious George in the background in case either of the kids woke up. It was a show that was calm and relaxing and wouldn't disturb any one that might still be sleeping.

The soup ended up being a bad idea, especially for Lexi and Ashlyn. The two of them seemed to have the worst of the nausea and vomiting. It was a pretty gross day for 'super mom Ali.' But when you're a mom you learn to get over things like vomit pretty quickly. There really isn't any other option.

Little Sam seemed to be making a comeback and he was able to help his Mommy with easy things like bringing gatorade to the patients. He made sure they always had something to drink beside them. He was a very good helper and Ali made sure to let him know many times that day.

Ali had started to tidy up a bit once she noticed that her wife and daughter seemed to be comfortably sleeping. Sam went outside to take the dog out. Ali told him she didn't need any more messes to clean up.

Ali was emptying the previous night's dishwasher load when she heard a moan escape her wife's lips. She hurried to check on her.

She saw the problem immediately when she entered the room. Her favorite boy had parked his cute little butt right on top of her wife's stomach. Ashlyn groaned Ali's name. Ali rushed next her and rubbed her arm.

"I know baby, I'm right her." Ali turned her attention to the oblivious boy watching a curious monkey learn about balloons. "Sammy, you can't sit on Mama right now. Remember her tummy hurts?" Ali lifted him up and put him next to his sleeping sister.

"Oh no! I sorry Mama!" The poor guy forgot the reason they were all together watching cartoons in the first place.

"Baby, it's ok. But we need to let Mama and Lexi rest." She ended up just picking him up and finding something for him to help her with in the kitchen.

The family made it through the night. Ali convinced them to move their sicko party upstairs to their bed so they could be more comfortable. It turned out to be a 24 hour bug but they couldn't deny it was a tough 24 hours. 

Midway through the next day the family was outside relaxing. They weren't up to doing anything too strenuous but they were definitely feeling much better.

Ali was tired. She had earned the right to take a nap in the middle of the day with her super mom and wife heroics the previous day and night. Ash told her to go ahead and get some sleep. 

Ali retreated to the master bedroom and knocked out. Ash checked on her around dinner time and when she mentioned the bbq chicken she was planning on grilling Ali's face seemed to turn a light shade of green.

"Uh oh." Ash said to herself.

"Ash, I feel awful." Ali moaned.

"I think you caught whatever we had. Sorry, honey." Ash took her wife's hand and reassured her that she knew just what to do to take care of her. 

She put the trash can next to her face and rushed out of the room. Fifteen minutes later she returned with Sam holding a tray that had a bottle of water, tylenol, a bottle of pepto and a damp cloth. 

The best part of the whole thing was that she had Sam's face wrapped up in a scarf to cover his mouth and nose. He had on his winter gloves and his swimming goggles also to "help protect him from flu germs" he told Ali.

Ash bent down and whispered to her wife, "The goggles were his idea." 

Lex came in behind them in her pink frilly tutu from her ballet class and used her Mama's iPad to play a classical song that she could dance to. While Ashlyn and Sam took care of Ali's medical and comfort needs, Lexi took care of her entertainment and boredom needs.

Ali felt terrible and wonderful all at the same time. How could something as awful as the flu make her feel so loved?


	33. Time Out

"Sammy, Mama...SHUT UP!!!" Lexi yelled from the hallway. 

Neither her brother nor Ashlyn heard her, but Ali did. Ali hated that phrase when it was spoken in anger like Lexi had just done.

"Alexandra! Come here, now!" Ali didn't yell but the girl knew she was in trouble by her mother's tone.

She did what any 5, almost 6, year old would do. She whined and blamed someone else.

"Mommy, they're too loud! It's not my fault!" She begged her mom to take her side.

Ashlyn, Sam and Monster were in the middle of a 'Roaring Contest.' For them it was very serious business. For Lex is was seriously annoying and unnecessary.

"Lex, I know they're loud but they're in Sammy's room, with the door closed. If you don't like hearing them you can go downstairs or go outside and play out back." Ali tried to rationalize with her but then remembered what the little girl said moments ago. "AND you are not allowed to tell anyone in this family to shut up, especially Mama. That's very disrespectful and it's not ok!"

Ali gave her the classic 'mom look' that communicated anger and disappointment all with one glare.

"But it's not fair! They are always so loud. I hate it! You always take their side!" The girl was ready to match Ali's glare with her own. She felt like she was being picked on and her little brother was being favored.

"Your brother just has a lot of energy and extra wiggles he has to get out, and that's ok. People are different. Just because you don't like something he likes doesn't mean he's wrong. But you being mean and angry about it IS wrong!"

Ali and Ash often referred to Sam's extra energy and difficulty to sit still or to be quiet as him having extra "wiggles." In the past some other parents had complained that he was misbehaved or 'bad' because he was always moving or being loud. The women knew that their boy was one of the kindest and loving little boys around and that he was usually very well behaved. 

At first they couldn't believe people were complaining about him because he didn't fit what they felt a 'good child' should act like, which was to always sit still and rarely make any noise. It took a while for them to realize it was usually the people who wanted to exert as little effort as possible taking care of him and that was someone they didn't want to entrust him to anyways. They felt like he was perfect just the way he was. Lexi, on the other hand, had different thoughts about her brother's 'wiggles.' She was sick of it!

Lexi was so mad. She couldn't even speak. She threw the baby doll she was holding against Sam's closed bedroom door and screamed. She didn't yell any words, she just let out a long and angry shrill scream.

Ashlyn bolted out of the room to make sure everything was ok. When she opened the door she saw her daughter in tears and her wife in shock. 

"What's wrong?" Ash asked.

Lexi screamed at her, "I hate you!" and ran down the stairs. She went outside and started hitting Sam's Lego castle with one of his remote control monster trucks.

Both women chased after her. Ali was fuming! Ashlyn had no idea what was happening beside the facts that her daughter had just told her she hated her and that Ali was super upset.

Sam followed them downstairs a few moments later and started crying because Lex was breaking his toys.

Ali turned toward Ash and told her to take Sam inside. Ashlyn could tell that her wife was ready to explode. 

"Why don't you take him? I can handle her." Ash offered, trying to diffuse the situation.

Ali looked at her like she was now the enemy, yet she managed to calmly say through gritted teeth. "Ashlyn, I asked you to take our son inside. I will take care of our daughter."

Chills. That's the only way to explain what Ashlyn was feeling. She didn't know whether to run or to stay and shield her daughter from whatever wrath was coming.

"Ok...I will take him...but first can I talk to you?" Ash looked at Lex and told her to sit on the grass and leave Sam's stuff alone. She said it so calmly and nicely that it threw the girl off and she agreed right away. 

Ali didn't say a word. But she did agree through a faint nod that she would go with her wife's plan of talking before she released her fury on their oldest child.

"Samuel, I need you to be a big boy and be patient while I talk to Mommy." Ash said to the crying boy. Poor Sam was clueless about why his sister was so mad at him.

Ash knelt down in front of him, "Sam-Bam, I know your feelings are hurt and so are mine, but we need to be brave. I promise Mommy and I will take care of it, ok?"

The little boy nodded with tears streaming down his face. He went in for a hug and Ashlyn gave him the few moments he needed to catch his breath.

Ali's anger level had reduced greatly as she watched her son and wife hug it out. How was Ashlyn able to stay so calm and patient when their daughter just yelled the worst three words a child can say to a parent?

Ali noticed her wife had her own tears pooling in her eyes when she stood up and reached for Ali's arm to leave to a more private spot.

Ali felt bad that she had lost control of her emotions. She felt really bad.

Ashlyn wiped at her eyes and then gave her attention to her wife. "What happened?"

Ali explained the whole situation to her. She told her what made her most upset was that Lex told Ash she hated her. Ali still couldn't tell if Ashlyn was hurt by that. She knew she must've been but at the moment she chose not to talk about it.

"Well, what should we do?" Ash asked.

"I don't know. I was probably gonna yell at her and say something I would regret." Ali put her head down. 

Ashlyn pulled her into herself and hugged her. Being a parent is hard.

"Listen, if it's ok with you I can talk to Lex and you can talk to Sam."

Ali agreed and gave her wife a quick kiss before leaving her embrace.

"Thank you. I love you."

"I love you, too. Lex is just having a bad day. She'll be ok." Ash encouraged.

Ali went straight to Sam and picked him up. Ashlyn watched as Ali dried his tears and comforted him with words and a constant hug. She held him tight and let him cry into her shoulder.

Ashlyn took her time acknowledging Lex on purpose. She wanted her daughter to observe the interaction between Ali and Sam. She wanted her to switch her focus from being angry and defensive to seeing how she hurt her family through her actions.

Ashlyn's choice to give it a moment paid off. By the time she sat down next to Lexi she could tell that the girl was drowning in guilt.

Ash gestured to the girl to climb on up in her lap. Lex slowly, with her head down, obliged. Ashlyn wrapped her up really tight in a hug and kissed her head. At first the girl left her arms down and close to her own body but soon she loosened up and reached up to wrap her arms around her Mama's neck. 

"I'm sorry Mama." She barely whispered. 

"I know, Lex. Can I ask you something?" Ash asked very quietly. She didn't want to set the girl off again.

Lex nodded.

"Why did you get so upset with me and Sam?" She rubbed the girl's back hoping to keep her calm.

"Because you were too loud."

"Would you feel better if we had been outside?" Ashlyn started running her fingers through Lexi's hair.

"Yes." Lex simply answered.

"I'll tell you what...from now on we will have our roaring contests outside so that you can stay inside and hopefully it won't be too loud for you."

"Ok." Lex said with a sniffle.

"But Lexi that's not all we need to talk about." She turned her daughter in her lap so that they were face to face. "I never want to upset you. There are times when Sam and I might be playing and you don't like it. All you have to do is let us know. We don't want to bother you. We love you."

"I love you too." She said.

"So the next time we're bugging you, just tell us nicely. We will do what we can to make you feel better."

Ash gave her a hug and she agreed that she would try to talk it out before getting upset.

"One more thing, sweetheart..." As much as Ash would like to leave it at that she knew she couldn't. "You threw something and broke your brother's toys out of anger. You screamed at me and Mommy. That's never ok." 

Ash knew she had to hold her ground. She hated coming down hard on her kids but knew that if she didn't address this sort of behavior it would become more and more of a problem.

Ash continued, "You need to apologize to Mommy and Sam and then sit in time out until me or Mommy comes and gets you."

Lex sighed and looked like she was gonna be sick, but she took her punishment and agreed to have a better attitude.

She apologized to both Sam and Ali and went straight to the time out chair that they had sitting in the backyard next to the grill. They had several different designated 'time out' spots depending on where the family was at the time. The kids were very familiar with the whole routine.

Ali leaned in towards Ashlyn and whispered, "She looks so sad. I feel bad."

"She'll be ok, babe." Ash smiled. "I'm sure she'll survive." 

"How about you?" Ali asked. "Will you survive her outburst of crazy?" 

Ash knew what her wife was talking about but the woman had really opened herself up and gave Ash the perfect set up for her to crack a joke. These are the kind of opportunities Ash simply can't pass up.

"Don't worry about me, babe. I'm used to surviving outbursts of crazy." Ash winked at her and pinched her side. Ali knew exactly what she was insinuating.

"Oh, you got jokes, huh?" Ali had to admit she was glad her daughter's words hadn't hurt her wife, but still she couldn't let her get away with making fun of her too easily.

"Ashlyn Michelle, since you're so used to handling my 'outbursts of crazy' you should be able to handle me keeping this," Ali gestured toward herself, "to myself for a while. It sounds like you could use a little break with that attitude of yours'."

"Ooh I like it when you get sassy with me." Ash ignored her wife's threat of a 'hold out' and grabbed her waist and pulled her into her so that she could feel the sensual pressure build up between them.

Ali playfully pushed her wife off of her and told her, "You better watch it or I'm gonna put YOU in time out!"

"Sounds hot." Ash said. Her mind was set on one thing and one thing only.

"Ashlyn! Stop!" Ali was turning red. Her kids weren't close enough to hear, but they were still nearby. Ali wanted Ash to put on the brakes.

"What? I know how much you like to discipline me when I've been bad." She smirked.

Ali's face just got a brighter shade of red. Her wife needed to cut it out before she died of embarrassment.

"Please." Ali begged. "Please..."Ali covered her face and tried to hide.

Ashlyn laughed at her wife and put a hand on her shoulder. "Ok, babe. I'll stop. I need to go rescue our child from the time out chair anyway." She leaned in next to Ali's ear and whispered, "You can't blame me for being hot for you. You get so sexy when you're all worked up."

Ashlyn left Ali all hot and bothered as she laughed her way to release Lexi from her punishment.

Ali was flustered by her wife, even though she absolutely loved it. She decided she was gonna have to punish her later for her actions and take out her frustrations on her unruly wife to teach her a lesson. 

Later she would put her wife in a very different sort of time out. One that neither would soon forget.


	34. The Big One (Part One)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. This is a little angsty
> 
> 2\. Strong language is used in this chapter. Swearing usually isn't my style, but I felt it flowed naturally with the scene unfolding.

Ashlyn laid across the couch and used her wife's lap as a pillow. Ash kept her eyes closed and directed Ali's hand to the top of her head. She loved when Ali massaged her head. This was her usual signal for her wife to gently massage the heck out of her skull.

"You ok, baby?" Ali asked. Ashlyn just hummed a response and turned her face into Ali's stomach. Ali could tell that her wife wasn't ok. She could actually see the tension in her face.

"Does that feel good?" Ali began to rub Ashlyn's exposed temple. Ash answered with an affirmative moan.

"Sweetheart? How bad is it this time?" Ali was referring to today's headache. Ever since Ashlyn's last concussion she had been getting more and more headaches. 

Both women knew that having long term symptoms to a bad concussion could mean the end of Ashlyn's career. However, they were both too scared to say this out loud to one another.

Ali watched Ashlyn lift her head up a little bit to answer her wife. Ash had one eye tightly shut and looked up at her.

"It's pretty bad." Ash said. Ali could see that her eyes were watering. 

"Do we need to go to the hospital?" 

"No. It will go away. The last one didn't last too long." Ash said and put her head back down. Ali continued to massage her wife's head. She also continued to worry.

...

Two days later the family decided to take a trip to the zoo. The family had season passes because the kids loved the animals and it was usually pretty educational. 

An hour into their visit Ali could tell Ash was hurting. Ash was squinting and insisted that Sam walk instead of take his usual place, which was in her arms. The two would usually joke around and sing songs to the animals. But on this visit, Ashlyn couldn't handle their normal interactions.

Ali noticed that Ash had her fingers interlaced with the boy's as they walked, but with her free hand she was rubbing her head and shielding her eyes from the sun.

Ali took her own sunglasses off and handed them to her wife. 

"Thanks." Ash knew Ali was fully aware of her discomfort. "I should have thought to bring my own."

Ali made an executive decision and cut the afternoon short. The kids protested and Ashlyn felt bad but she knew it was the best thing to do under the circumstances.

Ash made Ali drive home while she leaned back into the headrest of the passenger seat and tried to make the pain stop. All Ali could do was hold her hand and constantly glance over at her in worry.

The trip home felt like forever.

...

After Ashlyn 'slept off' her headache she found Ali doing what looked like intense googling on her laptop.

"What ya working on there?" Ash asked.

Ali jumped a little bit. She was seriously focused on whatever she was reading on the computer screen.

Ash laughed at her wife. "Sorry I scared ya." She sat down next to Ali.

Ali closed her laptop and got really serious. "I think we need to do something about these headaches you've been having."

All the color left Ashlyn's face. She thought their unspoken agreement to not bring it up would last a little longer.

Ali noticed her wife's change in demeanor. She placed a hand on her thigh and gave it a squeeze.

"Baby, you've been getting them a lot and they seem to be really bad."

Ali was right and Ashlyn knew it. But she was closer than ever to actually earning a spot on a World Cup roster and she wasn't about to throw in the towel now. So she did the only thing she could do. She lied.

"It's not that bad. I think it has more to do with my allergies than anything else. I know you're worried because of the timing of these headaches being so close to my last concussion but, honest..." Ashlyn swallowed to try to remove the lump in her throat. "It's not a big deal. I promise."

Ali was unconvinced but could tell she wasn't gonna get anywhere with her wife right now. 

"Ok." Ali answered. Ashlyn knew by her wife's quick and agreeable answer that she didn't believe her. 

But once again, they had an unspoken agreement not to mention the heartbreaking possibility that Ashlyn's childhood dreams could soon come to an end. 

...

The days that followed were uneventful, which was exactly what Ali had expected. She knew that Ashlyn would down play the headaches. She knew that her wife would do whatever it takes to make sure that one, Ali wouldn't worry and two, she could keep playing soccer. Ali knew that sooner or later she would have to confront her wife. She knew that it would lead to a fight and the fight would be a big one.

Ali, who was all too familiar with heartbreak right before a big important soccer tournament, dreaded being the bad guy. She knew she had to remind her wife that soccer, though a big part of their life, was no where near the biggest part. She needed Ashlyn to understand how important it was for her to treat her injury seriously. Ashlyn is thinking World Cup. Ali is thinking the rest of their lives.

Ali planned to speak to Ashlyn after practice that day. She figured if they needed to pick up the kids from daycare Ashlyn wouldn't be able to shut down and avoid her wife. Plus, their children were Ali's greatest reminder to her wife that she had much more going for her than soccer.

...

Ali and Ash walked hand in hand to Ali's car after practice. Ashlyn had been on her best behavior all week because of her desire to keep her wife happy with how things were going. So when Ali suggested they take her car, so she could drive, Ash agreed without question.

Ash opened the door for her wife and jogged to the passenger side and got in. Ali had decided that she would have the talk with her in the parking lot of the daycare. She told Ashlyn they needed to get there 20 minutes earlier than they really had too. This would give them time to talk and then an excuse to stop and calm down because of the kids. She just knew this was going to be a difficult conversation.

Ali felt bad on the way to the her kids' daycare. Her poor wife had no idea what was coming. Ashlyn was carrying on their normal light hearted conversation. Ali was half listening to her talk about the latest goal keeper pranks in the locker room. Her heart was breaking more with every mile they got closer to their destination.

Ali pulled into a parking spot and Ash grabbed the handle, offering to run in and get the children while Ali waited in the car. Ali reached over the center console and grabbed Ashlyn's arm.

"Hold on a sec. We're a little early. I wanted to talk to you real quick." 

Ashlyn slowly retracted her hand from the handle and turned to look at her wife. She wasn't excited about Ali's serious tone. 

"Ash...I know your headaches haven't gone away. I think it's time to get it checked out." Ali watched as Ashlyn removed her eyes from her gaze and stared at some unknown point in the distance.

"It's fine." Ash answered shortly.

"Sweetheart, it's not fine. You've been acting like it's fine, but I know that it's not. You need to get it checked out. This isn't up for debate. If you don't tell someone...I will."

That got Ash's attention. She slammed her hand against the dashboard of Ali's car and stared her down. Ali would usually back off in a situation like this, but she knew she had to hold her ground.

"I'm serious, Ashlyn. You are more important to me than anything else in the world. I hate that this could end up with you missing out on the World Cup, but we have to be smart."

Finally Ashlyn spoke.

"If you say anything, Alex, I will never forgive you! I swear to God, I will never forgive you!" Ashlyn's voice was shaking. She looked serious. Ali was afraid that she might actually never forgive her for this.

"Ashlyn, you have to think about our future. Think about our children! You are so much more than a soccer player."

"After all we've been through, Alex? I don't understand you. I did everything in my power to support you and to help you recover from your knee injury so that you could hold on to your dream. And now you're so quick to give up on me!" Ashlyn was crying. She leaned her head up against the window of her door and ended up hitting it over and over. She needed to make it all stop. She wanted to move the focus of the pain from her broken heart to anywhere else. 

Ali shot out of her seat and grabbed Ashlyn by the shoulders. She pulled her into a hug and forced her to stop hitting her head against the window. 

"Ashlyn, I know it doesn't seem fair. I've been over this a hundred times trying to figure out some other way, but it's too risky for us not to get you checked out and to play it safe. I'm not gonna lose you!" 

Ashlyn pushed Ali away from her and got out of the car. She slammed the door shut and started to walk away from the building their children were inside.

"Ashlyn, where are you going?" 

"I'm leaving. I can't even look at you, right now."

Ali followed after her but knew if she didn't quickly convince her to stay, then her plan would backfire. She couldn't leave the children, meaning she wouldn't be able to follow her wife.

"Ashlyn, please don't leave!" Ali was sobbing for her wife. 

"Fuck off, Alex! I can't believe my own wife would so easily give up on me. You probably never thought I would make the roster anyway so why even try, right?" Ashlyn was crazy with rage. The one person in her whole life who always supported her seemed to think her best solution was to give up. She wasn't thinking rationally, of course. She was thinking with her heart. And her heart was shattering with every passing second.

Ali wasn't used to Ashlyn screaming at her with so much anger. She wasn't used to her wife using such strong language towards her, either. She didn't know what to do. She froze. Right there in the middle of the parking lot. She stood there, feet glued to the pavement, as Ashlyn's anger drove her farther and farther away.

She knew it was gonna be a big fight. But she never imagined it would be this big.


	35. The Big One (Part Two)

It took Ali a minute to come back to reality. She was standing in the middle of the parking lot, her legs were heavy like stone. 

She snapped out of her shock and tried to keep and eye on where her wife was heading. She waited long enough to see Ash turn right when leaving the day care parking lot and then another right at the first intersection. 

She knew it was now or never. She sprinted inside the building and went straight for Lexi's classroom. She signed her out and waited for the girl to pack her book bag and say good bye to her friends. Ali was bursting on the inside but tried to look calm on the outside. 

She grabbed Lexi's hand and pulled her to Sam's class. It always took forever to check him out. She signed him out fairly quickly but his teachers usually had some funny stories about the boy every single day. They loved his free spirit and liked to share a laugh with Ali and Ashlyn when they picked him up. But Ali didn't have time for that today. 

She helped him pack his bag and picked him up. She waved to the teacher and mumbled something about being late for an appointment. She hurried the kids in the car and prayed that she would find her wife on the way home.

She honestly didn't know what Ashlyn would do, even if she did find her. She wanted to be optimistic and believe that Ash would head home, but something in her gut told her otherwise. She felt like she was losing her. Whatever was going on inside her head was stealing her wife away from her. She couldn't explain it, but she just knew...the old Ashlyn, her Ashlyn, was gone.

...

Ali stayed up all night waiting for her wife to call or come home. She left a dozen messages apologizing and begging Ashlyn to come home. The calls went straight to voicemail, meaning Ash had either turned her phone off or her battery had died. Ali knew Ash didn't have her charger with her. She knew she had her phone and wallet, and nothing else, because she left her bag in Ali's car.

The previous night was cold. She pictured her wife sleeping under a bridge or in a ditch somewhere. She checked their online banking and saw that Ash made no purchases with her debit card, so she hadn't eaten, purchased warm clothes, or gotten a hotel room. Ali's worry meter was through the roof.

She hoped that Ash went to one of their teammate's places. That would explain why she didn't need to purchase food or a hotel room. The only problem with that hope was that Ashlyn was a very private person when she was upset. Ali knows her wife would actually prefer sleeping in a ditch than showing up on someone's doorstep in the middle of the night and asking for help. 

Ali's hope was running out.

...

The next morning Sam asked where his Mama was. Ali had already come up with an excuse while she was up all night praying her wife would come home. As far as the kids were concerned Ashlyn was out of town for work.

Ali arrived at practice 30 minutes early hoping that maybe her wife slept somewhere near the field. She waited and tried not to look clueless about her wife's whereabouts as people started to file in.

She assumed that Ash would've called someone to let them know she wasn't gonna make it. She would probably come up with an excuse but at least Ali would know she was ok. 

Ali had to play it smart. She didn't want to let on that she had no idea where Ashlyn was and she really didn't want to let anyone know that they were fighting. More than anything she hoped that Ash would just show up. Maybe she was running late. Maybe everything would be ok after all.

Half way through practice Coach Parsons approached a very distracted Ali.

"Ali, where's that wife of your's? I figured she would have shown up by now, or at least you would have said something."

Ali didn't know what to say. She stuttered an answer. "Umm...yeah. Umm you know what, I think she probably assumed I would say something, but I thought she called. It's totally my fault. I must have misheard her." The speed of Ali's explanation increased the more she talked.

"Sooooo, what is it that is keeping her from practice?" Mark asked.

Ali's eyes went big. "Duh! Sorry I forgot to actually say, um, she's sick. Ash is sick."

"Ok. Sorry to hear that. Do you know how long she will be out?"

"Uhh" Ali got really quiet. She was barely holding it together. "I don't know." Ali's eyes became distant. 

Mark didn't seem to notice, though. "Tell her to feel better, ok?"

"Yeah, sure. Uh thanks, coach."

Ali decided to leave practice early. She said she needed to check on her sick wife. What she really left to do was to try and find her. 

She had two hours to search for her wife before she had to pick up their two children. She felt like she had two hours to put her family back together.

...

A little over two hours later Ali was pulling into her driveway with Lex and Sam. Her hunt for Ashlyn was unsuccessful.

Ali was running out of options.

...

Ali had been holding off on confirming the worst. She no longer felt that she could. She began to call different hospitals in the area hoping to NOT find Ashlyn.

Unfortunately, the third hospital she called had an unidentified woman who matched Ashlyn's description. Ali still held on to the hope that it wasn't her. Ashlyn had her wallet with her, they would know who she was, Ali thought.

Ali ran out to her car and searched Ashlyn's practice bag. Her hands were shaking. She finally resorted to pouring out the entire contents of the bag. 

All the air left her lungs as she saw her wife's brown leather wallet fall to the top of the pile. Ali fell to her knees in devastation.

"No, God! No!" She sobbed.

She took a few deep breaths and collected herself. Her children were in the house clueless that anything was wrong. There was still a possibility that the Jane Doe at the hospital wasn't Ashlyn. There had to be a chance. 

Ali knew she was grasping at false hope. She just knew. It was her wife. The person on the phone couldn't give details but said it would be best for Ali to hurry.

Ali called her dad. Her dad recommended that they leave the kids with a teammate so that he can go with her to the hospital, just in case.

Ali called Niki and she was there before Ali's dad had arrived. She heard the fear in Ali's voice and put it together that Ash was in trouble. Nothing could've kept her from being there for her best friend's family.

...

Ali and her father arrived at the hospital. The person on the phone told Ali to bring Ashlyn's ID with her to confirm her identity. She showed the floor nurse Ashlyn's license and gave a detailed description of her wife's tattoos. The nurse called over a doctor to speak to Ali.

The nurse pulled the doctor aside to speak to him first. He nodded along with what she was saying and then dismissed her.

Dr. Staton asked to speak to Ali alone. Her dad retreated a few feet away to give privacy while maintaining a line of sight with his little girl.

"Hello, my name is Dr. James Staton. I can confirm that based on your description the unidentified woman who was brought in is, in fact, your wife."

Ali knew it. She knew that Ashlyn was in trouble. She could feel it in her bones. And deep within her, she knew it was all her fault.

"Ma'am, I'm so sorry, but we have a problem. Unfortunately, I'm unable to share any more information with you about her condition."

Ali had heard this all before when Ash first got her concussion and the hospital in Kansas didn't recognize their marriage.

"It's ok. You can talk to me. It should be written in her chart that her next of kin gave permission for you to release information to me. We worked it all out already." Ali answered. She was glad they already handled this problem in Kansas.

"No, Mrs. Krieger-Harris you don't understand. We recognize your marriage here. We fully support that. The reason I can't go into detail about your wife's condition is because she asked us not too."

"Wait. What?" Ali was confused. They didn't even know who Ashlyn was, how could they possibly know her wishes.

"Apparently, she has made it clear that she doesn't want to see anyone. Especially her family, especially you. She doesn't want you to know her condition either."

"You can't keep me from seeing her! She's sick. She's not herself. She suffered a head injury several weeks ago. We thought she was ok but she's not." Ali pleaded with the man to sympathize with her.

"If you think you have a case proving she is mentally unfit then you may be able to overturn her decision. But you will need a specialist to make that call for you. Is that something you would like to pursue?"

Ashlyn was already furious at her. If Ali had a doctor state that she was unfit to make her own decisions she knew she'd never get her wife back. 

"I don't know." Ali was ready to give up. "I don't know what I should do."

...

Ali and her dad slept in the waiting room at the hospital. In the middle of the night, Ken left his daughter's side to find his other daughter. He made a commitment to protect Ashlyn. He wasn't going to break that promise. 

He managed to get a nurse to tell him where Ashlyn's room was. She took him right to her. Ken quietly opened the door and saw his daughter-in-law laying on her side with her back towards him.

Ali's dad pulled a chair up to the bed. He didn't want to startle her. He definitely wanted her to come out of her shell, but on her own terms. 

"How did you get them to let you in?" Ashlyn's voice sounded empty and tired.

"I told them I was your dad. You were pretty specific of who you didn't want to see. I wasn't on that list. The nurse said we look alike." He joked.

Ash didn't laugh. She wasn't in the mood. 

"What happened, Ashlyn?" Ken couldn't hide the worry in his voice.

"I had a seizure. Someone found me in a bathroom stall at the gym."

"A seizure? Are you ok?" 

"They gave me some strong stuff for the pain. I have a brain bleed. I don't know the medical name for it. They said I could die."

Ashlyn said this with so little emotion, it was disturbing. It was almost as if she wanted to die.

"I'm sorry to hear that. I'm really sorry to hear that....Don't you want your family here with you? Ali has been going crazy worrying about you. She loves you, ya know?"

"What does it matter?" Ashlyn pulled her blanket up over her head as if to let her father-in-law know that the conversation was over.

Ali's dad returned to his grief filled daughter. He struggled on whether he should tell her what Ashlyn said. He knew he had too. 

...

Once Ken broke the news to his daughter Ali knew that she had to do something. She was able to convince the hospital to talk to Ashlyn's therapist. The therapist recommended a psych evaluation and Ashlyn was easily declared mentally unfit.

Ali hated the fact that she had to go to that extent, but it was the only way she could help her wife. She couldn't let her suffer alone.


	36. The Big One (Part Three)

After Ashlyn's psychological evaluation Ali was able to take her proper place and be the wife that Ash needed her to be. The doctor explained that she had suffered a slow bleed in her brain called a subdural hematoma.

Her condition was responsible for her drastic change of behavior. The headaches were constant and getting worse and worse as the blood continued to put more pressure on her brain. The doctor told her that it must have been hell for Ashlyn to go through. 

The doctor told her that a lot of this could have been avoided if she would have had it checked out sooner. He also said not to be too hard on Ashlyn for holding off treatment. At the rate that the bleed was progressing it made perfect sense why she thought she could handle it...at first. 

It started out slow and the pain would seem manageable, but as it progressed it would affect her ability to use good judgment when dealing with it. He told her he's seen these things change drastically overnight even though the effects start out slow and often unrecognizable.

Ashlyn never saw it coming.

According to the paramedic who brought her in, she was found at a local gym on the floor of a bathroom stall. Ali kicked herself for not thinking that her wife might go to their local 24 hour fitness center. It made perfect sense. She didn't need her ID or membership card because the staff knew her well.

The EMT said that she had a seizure around 2 in the morning. A few of the staff members remember seeing her running hard on a treadmill. The doctor concluded the stress from earlier that day mixed with the extra exertion of the exercise sped up the bleed to cause Ashlyn to have a seizure.

"I can't even imagine how scared she must have been." Ali said to no one in particular.

The doctor had told her they wanted to evaluate her over night to get a sense of how bad the bleed had gotten. They did a CT scan which gave faster results, but an MRI would give more detailed ones. This caused them to hold off on deciding what kind of surgery she would require.

When Ali heard the words 'seizure' and 'surgery' she knew she needed to sit down. How could this be their life? It felt like just days ago they were joking around and everything seemed fine. 

Before Ali entered Ash's room the nurse told her what to expect. Her usually outgoing and happy wife was now reserved and struggling to find a reason to live. She was hooked up to oxygen to help take some stress off of her body functions and she was given a steady dose of pain medication through her IV drip. She was also visited by a nurse every 4 hours to take a pill for her anxiety. The nurse explained to Ali that her wife had put up quite a fight the previous night. That's when they decided she needed anxiety meds.

To say Ali was scared when she approached Ashlyn's bed was an understatement. Her wife looked so small. She seemed so weak.

With a very quiet voice she greeted her wife.

"Hey, baby. I'm here." She took Ashlyn's hand with both of her own and stroked it. The beeping of the machines Ashlyn was hooked up to was scaring Ali to death. 

"How could this be happening?", she thought.

Ashlyn's eyes were closed and she seemed to be asleep. The nurse warned Ali that the medication she was on was pretty strong and might make any conversation with her difficult.

"I searched everywhere I could think of for you, Sweetheart." Ali felt like she was still searching for her. She knew she was in there somewhere.

"Sam and Lex made you some get well cards. My dad said he would bring them. I think he's almost as worried about you as I am." Ali wiped her nose that was dripping. Her tears mixed in, as well.

"Ashlyn, it's ok. The doctor said that there was no way you could've expected this would happen. You did your best. All you can do now is try to do your best to hold on and get better." Ali knew the old Ashlyn would feel bad about letting it get to this point. She wasn't sure what the Ashlyn in front of her was feeling, but she wanted to make sure she knew it wasn't her fault.

The truth is, Ali thought it was all her own fault. She was the one who watched her wife's headaches worsen. She was the one that waited to confront Ashlyn about doing something about it. Her job was to protect her wife. She failed. She let her down and now Ashlyn was suffering because of it. And finally, it was her knee that caused the concussion that put her wife in this bed in the first place.

Ali broke. Right there next to her wife's breathing machine and heart monitor. Her sobs mixed against the background noise of beeps and the whirring of machines. She had failed her. She failed their family. She ruined everything good they ever had.

Ali didn't notice it at first because she was sobbing. But she definitely noticed the second time. Ashlyn squeezed her hand.

Ali looked up at her and began stroking her face. Ashlyn's eyes finally opened.

Through tears Ali said, "Hey beautiful." She kept stroking her face and patting down the hair on the top of her head.

"I'm right here." Ali wanted Ashlyn to know that she would always be there, no matter what.

Ash looked confused. Ali thought for sure she was going to kick her out of the room. And then she heard it. Her name from her wife's lips never sounded so good.

"Alex?" Ashlyn's voice was low and raspy from lack of use.

"Hi." Ali smiled at her. It was amazing how she could flip the switch from sobbing emotional wreck to strong supportive wife. 

"I'm right here, Ashlyn. The doctor said you're in some pain. How are you feeling right now?"

Ashlyn struggled a little to straighten herself up in the bed. Ali made sure to adjust the tubes hooked up to her to make sure they didn't pull out or hurt her.

"My head hurts." Ashlyn's voice was barely above a whisper.

"I know, baby. Your doctor said they are waiting for some results so they can find out the best way to make you feel better."

Ashlyn's mouth and lips were so dry. She was about to ask Ali for some water but her wife had anticipated her request and had a straw up to her lips before she could even ask.

Ash took two sips and then closed her lips tight. She whispered a 'thank you' and closed her eyes and fell back to sleep.

At least they made some progress, Ali thought. Was Ashlyn aware enough to even really know who she was? She thought she heard her name but maybe she said something else. Did she really know her and now everything is ok between them? Had she forgotten about the blow out of a fight they had?

It was really unfair to both Ali and Ashlyn to try and figure out the answers to the questions swirling in Ali's brain. Ash was simply incapable of putting her wife's mind at ease right now. But Ali believed that if she could, Ash would forgive her and be glad that she was there. So she wasn't going anywhere.

...

Ali had spoken to the doctor. He recommended immediate surgery. Ashlyn needed a surgery called Burr Hole Trephination. The doctors needed to drill into her skull and suction the blood out to release the pressure from her brain.

Ali was terrified. Someone was going to drill a hole into her wife's head. How could this be happening?

Ali decided she would be the one to break the news to Ashlyn. She really hoped there would be a lucid moment between the two of them before the nurse came to take her to surgery.

Ali sat anxiously next to her wife. She took her usual spot of holding her hand, trying to provide comfort and support to her unconscious wife.

Ali heard her wife take a deep breath and then get really agitated. Ali stood up and leaned into her. She grabbed both her shoulders and held her down.

"Shh, shh. Baby, calm down. You're ok."

Ashlyn opened her eyes. Ali could tell she was in pain. And underneath the pain was fear.

Ashlyn rolled to the side of the bed where her wife was standing. She positioned her face into Ali's chest.

A tear escaped Ali's eye as a response to this gesture. Her Ashlyn was back.

"Stay right there." Ali told her wife not to move. Ali went to the other side of the bed and climbed up behind her wife, careful not to disturb any of the equipment she was hooked up too. She held Ash close to her. She wanted her to feel her own heart beating for her.

"Ashlyn, the doctor is going to do a surgery that will help you get better. It's risky but without it there is no chance you'll get better. You'll only get worse."

Ali could feel her nodding in understanding. Ali's lips were on Ashlyn's ear and she whispered messages of 'I love you' and 'I'm here.'

When the nurse came to prepare Ashlyn for surgery she found the two women asleep in each others arms. 

She woke Ali up first and helped her to carefully get out of the bed. Ali gave her sleeping wife one more pep talk and kiss before she let the nurse take her.

"Ok, sweetheart. We're all ready to help you get better. I'll be waiting. I'll be right here when you get out. Please don't give up on me. Our babies are waiting for us at home. We'll all be home soon. I love you." She finished her speech off with a kiss and signaled for the nurse to take her away.


	37. The Big One (Part Four)

Ali was going out of her mind waiting for Ashlyn to return from surgery. Her mom had flown in earlier that day and was taking care of the children while Ali was at the hospital with her dad.

Ken felt helpless in bringing her any comfort. All he could do was sit with her and give her a hug whenever she looked like she was about to break.

He and his ex-wife, who were on good terms and always put there children first, had been texting all day. They two of them decided that it might be a good idea to have Ali meet the kids outside for a quick lunch break. They assured her that it would be a short meeting and that it would do them all some good.

Ali agreed to meet them at a small park nearby, but said that she would only stay for a few minutes. Her parents would take whatever they could get. Ali needed this more than she knew.

...

"Mommy!" Sam ran to her and jumped up in her arms. The children had very limited knowledge of the seriousness of Ashlyn's condition. They definitely missed her but they had no idea there was a potential that they would never see her again.

"Hi, my love!" Ali gave her boy a squeeze and a kiss to the head as she put him down.

Sam started doing what looked like a hybrid of a squat and dancing. He would take a giant step and then pause for a quick second, then give a little shake of his shoulders and head. He walked around doing that for a good few minutes. Ali had to smile at her sweet son's care free ways. She could see so much of Ashlyn in him.

Lexi gave her Mommy a more delicate greeting. She hugged her and stayed right next to her with an arm around her for the remainder of their time together.

Ali was sure Lex knew that things were more serious than the adults around her were letting on. She could tell that this was her daughter's way of trying to protect her.

It was a quick lunch break, just as Ali's parents had promised, but it absolutely was exactly what she needed. Her family filled her heart up with hope. She was ready to believe the best for her wife and was strengthened enough to be what Ash needed.  
...

Ali and Ken had rushed back to Ashlyn's room only to have to wait for what felt like an eternity. 

Finally a doctor knocked lightly on the room door and let himself in.

"The surgery went fine without any unexpected complications. Your wife isn't out of the woods yet, though. We're going to observe her very closely tonight in the ICU. The nurse at the desk outside can give you her new room location."

Ali felt like she was in a dream. She couldn't believe she was hearing all of this. In that moment the reality of what was happening and what they had been through over the last week felt like a giant weight on her chest.

After the doctor left, Ken knew his daughter was somewhere else. And she was. 

The noises of the hospital all blended together in her mind. Voices sounded like they were under water and were barely understandable.

Ali's dad took charge and held on to Ali's waist with his left arm and with his right he grabbed hold of her right arm. He led her through the hospital to find her wife.

They stopped at the nurses station in the intensive care unit and asked if they could visit Ashlyn. They were told that they needed to wait 45 minutes before the woman was cleared for visitors. The nurse told them no gifts could be brought in the room, especially flowers, and no children under 12. 

Because things can change in a heartbeat they needed to understand that they may be asked to leave the room at any minute.

Ali was terrified.

After a 45 minute wait they asked the nurse if they could see her. The nurse took them into the room and showed them the emergency button they could push just in case anything happened.

What Ali saw in front of her was an image she would never forget. Ashlyn had a huge piece of gauze on top of where the doctor drilled the hole and that was wrapped in an ace bandage that covered her entire head. The nurse said that once the wound stopped bleeding they will take that stuff off and she would have a small bandage on top of the incision. And soon she wouldn't even need a bandage to cover it.

Ali approached her sleeping wife. "Hey Baby. I'm right here. Dad is here too." 

She hesitated for a hopeful moment, giving her wife a chance to wake up. That was too much to expect, though. Ashlyn didn't move.

Ashlyn was constantly being checked on. Ali was thankful for the hospital staff's vigilance but it made her worry even more about the stability of her wife's health.

A few hours later Ashlyn started to move around. Ali shot up and stood by her.

"Hey baby, I'm right here."

Ash let out a long groan. She coughed a few times and Ali quickly put some water close to her lips.

"Take a sip, Ash." Ash took a small drink. 

Ali watched her wife carefully and noticed that it looked like she had to really concentrate to do the smallest things, like swallow. 

Ken had left the room as soon as Ash woke up. He called for the nurse to check on her. The nurse quickly entered the room, took her vitals, and assured Ali that everything looked normal.

Ashlyn's doctor came in about 30 minutes later and asked her questions like "What is your name?" or "What's your date of birth?" and "Why are you here?"

At the end of his questioning he pointed to Ali and asked Ashlyn "How about this lovely lady over here. Do you know who she is?" 

Ali saw her wife smile. She smiled for the first time in days. It was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen.

Ashlyn quietly nodded and answered the doctor, "My life."

Ali had to wipe the tears from her eyes. Her wife was always so good at making her feel loved. She gave her a smile and nodded in agreement.

The doctor told Ali that everything looked pretty good. They still needed to watch her closely, but she seemed to be progressing favorably. 

He warned her that Ashlyn was on very limited pain medication, so if the pain seems bad they needed to let someone know. He didn't want to drug her up too much because that makes it more difficult to evaluate a brain injury.

After he left the room, Ali's dad gave Ashlyn a kiss on the cheek and let Ali have some private time with her wife.

"Hey, the doctor said you did really good in surgery. Thank you for that."

Ash was fighting to keep her eyes open. To her Ali's face was Heaven. Her eyes brought her so much confidence and comfort. She wanted to look at her for as long as possible.

There would be moments when Ali would catch Ashlyn waking up for just a moment. Her wife's very first instinct would be to look for her. Ali got in the habit of watching for this movement and then giving Ash's hand a comforting squeeze. Ashlyn would relax again as soon as she knew her wife was there.

...

The next day, the doctor removed Ashlyn's bandage and made sure the wound was stitched up properly. He showed Ali how to clean it and make sure that it wouldn't get infected. Ashlyn had about a quarter sized cut on the right side of her skull. They shaved a small patch of her hair but that could be easily covered up once the smaller bandage could be removed. Ashlyn was happy she wouldn't look too damaged by this whole nightmare.

...

After a full week in ICU Ashlyn was ready for her wife to take her home. The first steps outside of the hospital when she stood up from the wheelchair felt like her first steps from death into life. In that moment Ali felt that her wife's smile could've lit up the darkest of skies.

The two women approached Ali's dad's car and opened the front passenger door. Sitting on the front seat was a snapback that Ali had purchased for Ashlyn.

Ali grabbed the hat and helped Ashlyn into her seat. "Sam picked this out for you. It's up to you if you want to wear it or not." Ali said.

Ashlyn studied the hat in her hands. It was blue and had a Superman symbol on the front of it.

"He said he wanted to get this one for you because you are his hero."

Ashlyn put the hat on and smiled. She couldn't wait to get home.

...

Ali hurried to open the car door for her wife. Ashlyn quietly laughed at her overprotective wife's ways. She wasn't going to complain. After what she put her through, she owed her wife as much leeway as she needed.

The children had been instructed before Ashlyn's arrival to be quiet and calm when they see her. Ash didn't really show any discomfort with loud noises but Ali wasn't going to take any chances.

When the 3 entered through the door they saw little Sam jumping up and down but being held in place by his grandma. Ashlyn gave Lexi a kiss and hug and headed straight for her antsy little mini-me. 

She stood up straight and with a serious look on her face she saluted the boy. He returned the gesture and they both broke out into big smiles.

Ashlyn bent down and picked the boy up. Ash felt Ali's hand on her shoulder and heard her wife say, "Please be careful, Honey." 

Ali had Lex in her arms and was keeping a watchful eye on every detail about her wife and children's interaction.

"It's ok." Ashlyn said as a response to her wife's over worrying.

"Ashlyn." That's all Ali had to say. 

Ash put the boy down and grabbed his hand. "Let's go sit on the couch, guys."  
...

That night the family had their usual movie night. Both grandparents stuck around to help out, if needed. Ashlyn ended up falling asleep with her head on Ali's shoulder and both children on her lap. Each child sat on one of her legs, unwilling to give up any of their claimed space to the other.

If Ashlyn ever doubted her kids missed her, those doubts were long gone by how clingy they were upon her return.

...

Life seemed to almost return to normal. There were a few things that had changed. Ashlyn's season with the Spirit was over. Her career, however, was not. 

The doctor instructed her to keep up with her check-ups and to be overly cautious about reporting any potential problems. He was confident, though, that she would be back on the pitch in a month or two....Meaning that she was still available for the national team.

Ashlyn still had some things she was working through. For some reason sarcasm was really hard for her to figure out. Ali made a joke about traffic one day and said it took her 3 years to get home. She remembers watching her wife's face wrinkle in confusion. 

After a long moment she said. "That's a long time. It didn't take you that long to get home." It was the most innocent and sweet comment.

Ali thought it was the cutest thing but tried to remember not to confuse her wife again with that sort of talk.

Ashlyn also had difficulty reading. The doctor said he had seen this sort of thing before. The patient knows the words on the page but once they try to interpret the thoughts expressed they get jumbled up in their brain. 

This caused Ashlyn a lot of frustration because she really wanted to be able to read to her children when she tucked them in. Ali tried to encourage her and help her but she wasn't going to be happy until she could do it herself.

The last noticeable problem after the surgery was that Ash didn't seem as confident and outgoing as before. Ali didn't know if this was because of Ashlyn's brain needing to heal or if it was Ash's feelings and insecurities about herself.

Once again, Ali made sure to keep an eye on her wife and try to head off any potential problems before they reached her.

So basically everything was back to normal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all of your kind words and your faithful reading. I appreciate you!


	38. Crazy Mother...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter includes a prompt request. Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoy!

The Spirit had an away game in Portland and Ashlyn and Ali needed to discuss how they wanted to handle that. Ashlyn hadn't really thought about it much but she could tell her wife had.

"So, what do you wanna do about the Thorn's game?" Ali asked.

"Umm..."

"Mark said you're more than welcome to travel with the team." Ali wanted to tread lightly. Even though the family was extremely thankful for Ashlyn's progress and recovery, her disappointment of not being able to finish the season was obvious.

"Uhh..." Ash still hadn't really figured out what to say.

"I thought maybe we could bring the kids. You guys can hang out with Tobin during the game. She's still recovering from a knee injury." Ali had it all figured out, apparently.

"I guess. I didn't really think about it." Ash said sadly.

Ali wasn't really comfortable with leaving Ashlyn home alone for an extended amount of time yet, but she knew her wife would miss playing and being with the team would only be a constant reminder. There wasn't a solution that was without risk. Either the risk of Ashlyn being alone or the risk of Ashlyn being discouraged.

Ashlyn's recovery was going great, but she still wasn't herself. Her doctor warned them that her behavior might be unpredictable at times. Something that might be considered common sense could be lost on her while she was still healing. Ali wasn't ready to take that risk.

The doctor cleared Ashlyn for travel and Ali talked to the team about letting not only Ashlyn travel but also the kids. They decided it would be best at least for the first couple away games. She figured that the kids would keep Ash entertained and feeling useful, and she would be able to keep an eye on her still healing wife.

"That won't be too stressful for you? To have the kids along, I mean. They can be a lot to handle on flights."

"I think we can both handle it." Ali said and gave her wife a smile.

Ashlyn was trying to stay positive, but situations like this made her feel like a child. Her wife couldn't trust her to be alone anymore. She really did feel good-for-nothing.

Her doctor warned both women of the challenges, both physical and emotional, that Ashlyn was going to face. Disappointment and discouragement was right at the top of the list.

"Ok. If that's what you want." Ashlyn resigned to whatever Ali wanted. She felt like she couldn't trust herself to make a point of argument, even if she thought she wanted too.

Ali sensed her wife wasn't completely convinced about the plan of action. 

"Sweetheart, do you not want to go with us?" Ali asked.

"I don't know." Ash really didn't know.

Ali put her hand on Ashlyn's arm and asked, "What's bothering you?"

"I don't know."

Ali had learned that during this time Ashlyn might sound like she's trying to avoid giving an answer but she really is just trying to figure things out. 

This was one of the reasons she didn't want to leave her for an extended amount of time. The simplest thing could cause her confusion and upset her. 

One day she came home from the grocery store and found Ashlyn in the kitchen staring in the fridge. Ali greeted her and noticed she was crying. When she asked what was wrong Ashlyn said she couldn't remember if she liked orange juice or not. It would have been funny if it wasn't so sad.

"I think the kids would love to see Tobin and Alex. I think you'll have fun too." She rubbed her arm to give some comfort.

"Yeah, ok." Ashlyn knew her wife must be right. She decided to go with the flow. She didn't want to disappoint Ali.  
...

The family had arrived safely with the team. Tobin and Alex invited the family over for the day. They shared an apartment in Portland and were happy to have their favorite family over.

Ashlyn was thumbing through one of Tobin's surfing magazines. She had a very focused look on her face as she tried to make out the captions next to the pictures. Ali tried not to look too obvious as she was staring at her wife's struggle but Alex could tell she was worried.

Alex nudged Ali's arm and nodded toward Ash. Ali sighed and motioned for them to go to the kitchen to speak privately. 

"She struggles to understand words when reading." Ali explained quietly.

"Oh wow. So she's still showing a lot of signs of brain trauma, huh?" Alex asked.

"Yeah. I mean...we should all be thankful. Even if she doesn't get completely better she has overcome a lot. We came so close to losing her." Ali had to pause to catch her breath. She didn't want to cry in front of her friend. "But I know it's hard for her. These new limitations are very discouraging."

"How are YOU holding up?" Alex asked.

"I'm so blessed. I really am. I look at her while she's sleeping or playing with our kids and feel like I won the lottery all over again. The first time, when I married her and now when I get to keep her." Ali cleared her throat and continued.

"But it is challenging. She's being such a trooper through it all. I know part of that is because she doesn't want me to worry, but I'll take it if it means she's extra careful and trying to stay positive."

Alex pushed, "But it's gotta be hard for you, too." 

"It is. But I'm trying to see the positive. My wife is alive. My family is whole. I can't complain." Ali answered.

"You're amazing, Ali. If you ever do need to talk you know you can always call me."

"Thanks. I just might take you up on that sometime."  
...

Ali and Alex returned with water for the adults and juice for the kids. Ash was no longer focused on the magazine. She was now holding a very tired Lexi.

Sam was laying on his stomach, along with Tobin, playing with some Legos he brought with him.

Ash and Lex didn't last long. They both fell asleep, even though they were sitting up. Ali took Lex and laid her down on a blanket on the floor and she woke up her wife only enough to have her lay down in her lap. Ali stroked her hair and she was out in less than a minute.

Ali smiled down at her wife and when she looked up she saw Alex and Tobin giving each other a knowing look.

"What?" Ali said.

"You two are sweet." Alex answered.

Ali looked back down at Ash and smiled again. She really couldn't deny it.

"So I'm guessing she sleeps a lot." Tobin said. Alex attempted to kick her from where she was sitting as if to say she shouldn't have said that.

Ali laughed. "It's ok. Yeah, she does sleep more now. Things wear her out easier. Her doctor says it's a good sign, though. It's proof that her body is working hard to heal."

Tobin turned her attention to Sam. "Have you been helping your Mama get better?" She asked him.

"Yeeeeee-up!" The boy answered confidently. "Mama says I make her strong!" He stood up and flexed his muscles for all the girls to see.

"Woah!" All three of the women said. 

Tobin told him to come close so she could check out his enormous biceps. He flexed as hard as he could as Tobin squeezed his left and then his right arm.

"Dude, your guns are huge!" Tobin praised.

As if on cue both kids said, "Suns out, guns out." The women laughed heartily together. This was obviously something they had heard many times.

"Lexi," Ali said. "I didn't know you were awake."

"Can I cuddle with Mama?" Lex asked. 

"Of course, just be careful not to wake her up." Ali answered.

Lex carefully climbed on the couch and laid across Ashlyn's front. She put her head right on Ashlyn's shoulder so that her face was in the crook of her Mama's neck.

Ali quietly explained to her hosts that she had been extra clingy since Ashlyn's surgery.

Alex put her hand over her heart, "Aww, so sweet." She said quietly to Ali while watching Lexi hug her Mama.  
...

 

"Mommy, look!!" Sam yelled as Ashlyn and Tobin launched him into the swimming pool at the Portland apartment complex.

Ali always worried when her son was in the water, but he has arm floaties on and the full attention of both Ash and Tobin, who were excellent swimmers. 

Sam quickly surfaced on top of the water and looked to Ali for approval. Ali clapped and cheered for her son.

The three 'Alexandras' were having a diva moment and tanning while drinking strawberry lemonade. Lex had on her oversized sunglasses and bikini. She wanted to be just like her Mommy and Aunt Alex.

After a while the swimmers decided it was time for the rest of their party to get wet. Ash instructed Sam to 'shake out his hair' by his sister. That way she would get small drops of water and not be too bothered. Ash didn't want to start a war between her children. As for Ali and Alex, their other halves were not so kind.

Tobin dove on top of Alex and broke the chair she was lounging in. Ashlyn sat right on top of Ali. She then stretched out the full length of her wife and made sure to smash her butt into her wife's front. She wanted to transfer as much water as possible.

Ashlyn then grabbed for Sam and pulled him on top of her. All of Ashlyn and Sam's weight were resting on top of Ali. 

Ali tried to struggle and move them on her own but she had to surrender and let her wife have bragging rights for the day.

"Tobin Powell, get off me!" Tobin's weight was much more manageable for Alex to deal with. She wrestled with her a bit but ended up able to lift her enough to throw her back in the pool. 

The children were loving the immature behavior of the adults around them. 

Sam tugged on Alex's arm and asked, "Throw me, too?"

Alex gave Ash and Ali a look as if to ask if it was ok, and with their approval she catapulted him into the pool with Tobin.

Sam and Tobin spent the rest of the afternoon telling secrets and splashing the rest of the group.

Ash and Ali ended up sharing one lounge chair while Lex and Alex shared another. Lex was going through Alex's iPhone. Alex was letting her scroll through her pictures.

Alex wanted to keep Lexi's attention and let her friends enjoy a little couple time. This time around Ashlyn had Ali leaning against her. Ali had positioned herself so that she was lying on her stomach and facing Ashlyn. Her head was propped up on her wife's chest and the two were able to have a quiet moment together. 

Ali traced random patterns on her wife's face while they quietly talked. The playful screams of Tobin and Sam would occasionally bring them out of the love spell they were under. But after a laugh, they would return to their own little world.

Tobin called out from the water. "Babe!" Alex looked up and gave Tobin her attention. "We should totally get some food. I'm starved!" Tobin looked at Sam and asked, "You starved too, little dude?" He nodded in agreement.

Alex loved watching Tobin with Sam. She smiled widely and agreed that it was time to show their friends around and take them out for something to eat.

"Not to interrupt you two lovebirds, but the natives are getting restless." Alex laughed at the married couple.

"Yeah, we heard. Your woman's loud." Ash answered.

Ali playfully smacked Ashlyn's chest, "Be nice. I'm hungry too."

The group agreed it was time to feast.  
...

They ended up stuffing their faces with donuts and ice cream. Normally Ali and Ash wouldn't let their kids pig out on junk food without at least having a decent meal, but their aunts were bad influences on the entire family.

The 6 of them hung out at the donut shop for a little while after they were done eating because they soon needed to be dropped off at their hotel, so there wasn't time for them to go anywhere else. 

Tobin and Sam were stabbing an uneaten half of a donut with a pretzel stick and making groaning noises as if the donut was dying. 

Sam held the donut up to Ash and said, "Mama, look he's bleeding." The raspberry jelly was dripping out of it.

Ashlyn said without a thought, "Well, aren't you a crazy little mother fu-"

Ali silenced her wife by putting her hand over her mouth before she could finish. 

Tobin was cracking up! Lexi was confused. "Mama, Sammy isn't a mother???"

Ashlyn knew she must have said something inappropriate. This wasn't the first time her wife had to censor her.

"What?" Ash looked to Ali for an explanation. 

"That's one of the words we don't say around the young ones." Ali answered.

"Which word?"

Ali couldn't help but laugh. She immediately felt bad when she saw the look of innocent confusion on her wife's face. "The word you were going to say after mother.

Ali gave Ash a sympathetic look and then a quick kiss on the cheek. Ashlyn stayed mostly quiet for the rest of the day.  
...

After the kids had gone to sleep, Ashlyn decided to ask her wife a question. They were lying in their usual bedtime spots, with Ash on her back and Ali's head on Ashlyn's left shoulder.

"Are you worried I'm gonna hurt or mess up the kids?"

"What?" Ali was completely taken by surprise. She adjusted herself so that she was propped up on her elbow and looking down at Ashlyn. She wanted to be able to look into her eyes.

"I mean...it's just..." Ash couldn't quite get out what she wanted to say.

"Is this about you almost swearing at the donut shop earlier?" Ali asked.

"Yeah, I guess. It seemed like it was a really bad thing."

"Ashlyn, the doctor said that this sort of thing might happen at first. It won't be forever. Plus, it's not that big of a deal. If you slip, we can explain to the children why. It's fine, really. It's not something you need to worry about." Ali said.

"It just makes me feel like I'm stupid. I should know better."

"You do know better. You just have to remember, that's all." Ali answered.

"I don't embarrass you?" She asked.

"You could never embarrass me because of a medical condition, baby. You're perfect to me. I really mean it."

"Thank you, Alex." Ashlyn was still struggling to put the pieces together, but the most important piece was in her arms being held tightly as she kissed the top of her head.

...

After the family returned home, Ali decided that she was extra thankful for the NWSL. Where else would she be able to play any team in the league and know there would be friends there who would be happy to help her family in a time of need? 

She knew that there was no way her wife would have been able to make it through that last road trip without the help of Alex and Tobin. Though Alex and Tobin had an extra special place in their hearts, they truly had great friends on every team.

She was actually looking forward to their next away game in Seattle. She couldn't wait to get Ashlyn together with Syd and Pinoe. She knew they were going to have a blast. She also knew Hope would want to give an encouraging word to her fellow keeper that would end up meaning the world to Ashlyn.


	39. Courageous Love

Ashlyn had on her favorite denim button up, topped off with a bow tie. Samuel had on the exact same combo but his shirt was a few shades lighter. Lexi was as cute as ever with a light pink sun dress and her hair up in a tight ponytail. Both children had a red, white and blue ribbon pinned on that said #AKH.

The three of them stood at the sideline of the field and watched Ali do the coin toss with Sky Blue's captain, Christie Rampone.

Ali hurried off the field and joined her family before Coach and General Manager, Mark Parsons spoke into a microphone towards the center of the field. 

Ali adjusted the children so that she could stand close to Ashlyn and put an arm around her waist. 

With his English accent Coach addressed the crowd. "Tonight, the Washington Spirit organization, along with the National Women's Soccer League, would like present to Ashlyn Harris this award for unequivocal courage and exemplary hope." 

Both the Spirit and Sky Blue players broke out in cheers. The crowd followed suite.

That was the cue for the family to join Mark on the field. Ali took the mic from Mark, much to Ashlyn's surprise. She thought they were gonna get a plaque, take a picture and be on their way. 

Ali cleared her throat...

"As captain of the Washington Spirit," she winked at Ash and continued. "I wanted to tell you how proud we all are of you for fighting through physical trauma and showing us what it means to hold on to hope and not give up." 

Ali wiped at one of Ashlyn's eyes trying to remove a tear that was threatening to spill. She gave her son, who was holding tightly to her wife's leg, a pat on the head and continued.

"And as your wife, "Ali pulled the microphone down and cleared her throat. She felt her own tears rising up, "I wanted to thank you for showing me what courageous love looks like. No matter what, I know that you will always give your best to this family. I'm so proud of you. I love you." She pulled Ash down a few inches so she could give her a kiss.

Ashlyn noticed that her wife had a patch on her jersey with the same #AKH on it as the ribbons they're children were wearing. 

She noticed her entire team had the same patches on their jerseys too. Ali had kept this small detail from her. She said she had the ribbons made for the children, when really the Spirit organization had them made. They passed them out to all the fans at the game that day.

The family posed for pictures and both teams gave Ash hugs and encouraging words of support. 

She truly felt, in this moment, that the struggle she endured, and the moment of victory she was sharing was of greater importance than any soccer game she could ever be a part of.

If she could inspire people to keep fighting through struggle and to hold on to hope, then she would be happy.

Ali returned to her wife for one more moment together. She took Ashlyn's face with both hands, and said, "Baby, I love you. I'm so proud of you!" 

"Thank you, Alex. Thank you for all of this!" Ashlyn didn't know what else to say. She gave Ali a hug and another kiss. She gave her a pat on the butt and told her to play her heart out.

"Since my heart is right here," Ali patted Ashlyn's chest with her open hand, "I don't know if I can do that. But I will play hard for you." Ali said sweetly.

"Oooh...smooth!" Ash answered.

"That's right, babe! You're not the only charmer in the family." Ali gave her a smack on the butt and ran off with a smirk on her face.

"So Hot!" Ash said to herself and went to find her father-in-law and children.

...

The family went to their favorite pizza place to celebrate Ashlyn's achievement. If it was just Ash and Ali they would have gone any other place but there. However, when you have 2 small kids you plan accordingly. Plus it was fun watching Kelley try to win a stuffed squirrel from the claw game.

A lot of the players from both teams joined them, as well as Ali's dad. He probably would have rather stayed away from a crowded pizza and games restaurant but he wanted Ashlyn to know he was proud of her.

The place was packed. It looked like there were a couple of different big groups there. Ali was thankful they had 3 tables filled with adults who love giving her young ones attention. With her two, plus Riley, Reece and Maddon, the ratio of adults to kids was pretty good.

She didn't have to worry about someone trying to kidnap them or worse. Ali was always thinking up potential problems to protect her family from.

The group had eaten and was now playing games and being obnoxiously loud. Ashlyn excused herself to use the bathroom and ended up waiting in line.

The line to both the men's and women's rooms were right next to each other. She ended up standing next to a teenage boy. He looked to be about 13 or maybe 14. He was skinny and seemed a little grumpy.

"Typical teenager." Ashlyn said to herself and smiled.

"What?" Apparently the boy heard her.

"Oh. Sorry. I umm was just saying I like your hat." Ashlyn lied.

"Oh, ok." The boy answered shortly.

Ashlyn thought maybe he really did hear her and was offended. She didn't mean it to sound unkind. She decided to try to win him over.

"What's your name?" She spoke loudly trying to make sure he heard her over the loud voices around them.

"Jacob." 

She could tell he wasn't gonna warm up to her unless she was a bit more charming.

"Jacob, huh? Not Jake or Jakey?" She asked.

"Jacob. That's what my birth certificate says, anyway."

His answer caught her off guard. Who is this boy? 

"Well, it's a good name." She said trying to stay positive. She felt like the boy was very sad and she wished she could do something to help him.

And then he spoke.

"So I guess your a lesbian, huh?"

Ashlyn started laughing. She had never had anyone come out and just say it like that. He didn't say it like he was being a jerk, either. He just said it.

"What makes you think that?" She asked truly curious.

"You walked in with that really hot brunette." 

Again Ash could do nothing but laugh. This boy was something else.

"Well, that hot brunette is my wife. And she's even hotter up close." She answered him with a smile.

Jacob shook his head and then answered, "Cool."

By this time they were both able to get in the restroom. 

"Hey," Ash yelled as he was walking away from her towards the men's room door. "It was nice to meet you, Jacob."

The boy seemed to appreciate the sentiment and smiled for the first time since they started talking. He gave her a nod and walked through the door.

...

Ash found her 'hot brunette' and told her about the funny conversation she had.

"I'm telling you the dude was something else. I about choked when he said I was a lesbian. All the homophobes around us seemed to get real quite." Ash said.

"Was he being mean about it?" Ali asked.

"Nah, he was just being blunt. I liked it. He reminded me of Sam a little bit when he says his crazy stuff."

"Well, I'm glad you had fun while you were waiting to pee. I will fill out a customer review card and let them know how pleased you were with your peeing experience." Ali joked.

"Hey you better be careful, woman! I'm getting better at spotting your sarcasm. I've got my eye on you." Ashlyn made a fake angry face and finished it off with a quick peck and an 'I love you' for good measure.

"Alright Sherlock," Ali said and smashed a stuffed animal that Ash had won for her earlier, into her chest. "It's time to go."

...

 

Ali was in the middle of picking up Sam's toys for the third time that day when she heard her cell phone ring. When she looked to see who was calling she almost missed answering it because of shock.

"Hello?" She said.

"Hello, is this Mrs. Krieger-Harris?"

"Yeah, it's Ali Krieger-Harris, my wife is also a Mrs. Krieger-Harris. Which one are you looking for?"

Ali wasn't sure whether to be happy or worried that this person was calling them.

"You'll do, Ali." The woman on the phone answered. 

"I would like for you and your wife to meet with me sometime soon. I have something very important to speak to you about."

"Can't we just talk now?" Ali now knew that she should worry.

"It would be better in my office."

The two set up an appointment for the next day.

...

Both of the Mrs. Krieger-Harris' were walking through a large brick building that had a hint of familiarity to it. Ashlyn had Ali's hand and was trying to convince her to calm down.

"Stop thinking the worst!"

"They can't take our kids, right? I mean we've had them for so long. They're ours!" Ali was ready to breakdown in tears.

Ashlyn stopped her wife right outside of the office they were looking for. "Alex. You need to hold it together! They probably need some paperwork signed or something. Don't worry about it."

Ashlyn didn't want Ali to know that she was worried too. She thought maybe someone found out that she was messed up in the brain and felt she was unfit to raise such perfect kids. She couldn't lose her family. She WOULDN'T lose her family.

...

"Nice to see you two again. How long has it been?" The well-dressed woman asked.

"Almost four years." Ali answered coldly. She hadn't decided if she wanted to act chummy with her yet.

Ashlyn gave her a poke with her elbow to tell her to straighten up. 

"You're probably wondering why I asked you to come today. The reason is that I have a child who needs a home. I felt that the two of you might be the perfect situation for him."

"What?" Ali was shocked. This woman calls them out of the blue and thinks their situation is perfect. That doesn't make sense.

"Before I give you details, I want to know where you're at with fostering another child. Is that something you want to do?"

Ashlyn answered because her wife was still in shock. "We still want to help kids but we're not sure if fostering is the way to go. We had been talking about adding to our family in other ways."

"There are definitely a lot of options out there." The woman said. "I recently went over your file and it said that you," she nodded toward Ashlyn, "used to be in foster care. So you know how important it is to give these kids a home."

Ali was upset with what the woman had just said to her wife, and she made sure she knew it. "Hang on! Don't you think that's a little manipulative? You're trying to use my wife's past experiences to get her to do what you want. I don't like that!"

Ali was in full on protective mode and Ashlyn knew it.

"Babe, it's ok. Remember this is the woman who gave us Lex and Sam."

That brought Ali back.

"Listen," the woman said,"I don't want you to do anything that isn't right for you and your family. I want to make sure the best possible situation occurs for both your family and this child."

"Why us?" Ashlyn asked. "Why did you approach us for this particular child?"

"I do have a reason. But I'd rather know where you are before I tell you." The woman said.

Ali answered for the both of them. "It's really a bad time for us. Ashlyn has recently suffered a major injury and is still healing. I think the extra stress of another child would be too much."

Ashlyn's face was downcast but she nodded in agreement.

"Ok. Well, that's that then." The woman stood up and held out her hand to shake and say goodbye.

"Can we see the child? I know you've got his or her file here. At least that's how you did it last time." Ashlyn said.

"I don't know if that's a good idea, Ashlyn. You'll get attached." Ali warned.

"Ali, I really think we'll regret not knowing. I can't explain it. I don't know why." Ash answered.

Ali could tell she had no choice but to agree. She looked at the woman and nodded agreement.

The woman pulled out a folder with a picture of a teenage boy. Ashlyn couldn't stop staring at the photo.

"His name, according to him, is Jacob. He was homeless until a police officer picked him up last week. He had been trying to avoid the foster system for almost 4 years. He's been looking for his family."

Ali listened intently to the poor boy's story. She saw the child services worker look up at Ashlyn as if trying to communicate something with her through a look.

Ashlyn still didn't move from staring at the photo in front of her.

"We'll take him!" Ashlyn declared loudly.

"Ashlyn, I knew this would happen. We can't save everyone!" Ali was trying her best to rationalize with a woman who's heart was bigger than the ocean.

"Ali," Ashlyn reached forward and pulled the picture from the paper clip that held it to the file. "This is Jacob. Remember? The kid in line at the pizza place. I knew then just like I know now, that we have to help him!" Ashlyn was serious and Ali knew it.

"Baby, I don't know if it's the right time for us." Ali said.

"My grandma always said that if you know the right thing to do and don't do it, then you're in the wrong. We know what the right thing to do is. There is nothing more important than helping this boy!" Ashlyn held the picture up to Ali's face.

"We can't just walk in here with 2 children and walk out with 3, Ashlyn! We have to think about it." Ali rationalized.

"You're right. But I already know how it's gonna end. You're gonna agree with me and until then this boy is all alone." Ash was desperate to change Ali's mind.

The woman butted in to the conversation and said, "I really don't mean to be manipulative, but maybe one more detail about this boy would help you make your decision."

Ali was so frustrated with this woman. She's treating it like it's not one of the biggest decisions they will ever make.

"4 years ago Jacob was separated from his 2 year old sister and infant brother. His siblings were found in a garbage dumpster. The reason he refused help for this long is because he was worried he would never see them again. I have located his siblings."

The woman looked sincerely at the women. She didn't want to be too obvious and spell it out for them because she didn't want them to feel guilty if they really couldn't take him. But then again, how could they not?

"Jacob is Lex and Sam's big brother?" Ashlyn said.

She nodded confirmation.

"I think my wife is right." Ashlyn said. "We need to think about it." Ashlyn sounded almost deflated. Ali would never have expected that response.

"Ashlyn, let's talk about it." Ali said. She was having a hard time reading her wife. 

"We will talk about it. But at home." She stood up and shook the woman's hand behind the desk. "We'll call you soon."

She grabbed Ali and left for home.


	40. Welcome Home

"Ashlyn, will you please talk to me!" Ali begged her wife.

Ashlyn hadn't spoken a word since they got in the car to leave for home.

"What?" Ashlyn honestly didn't realize she hadn't spoken for the entire 30 minute drive.

"I believe the last words you said to me were: 'Wanna drive?'...After we found out something as HUGE as this! What are you thinking?" Ali said.

The two women were sitting in their garage. The kids were probably already in bed and Ken was more than likely watching something on ESPN. 

Ali didn't know what to think about Ashlyn's behavior. Her wife went from having her mind made up to adopt Jacob to not being able to get out of the conversation fast enough.

Ali knew that Ashlyn could be experiencing many different possible struggles. The obvious being how ginormous of a step it is to add another child to their family. But she believed there was more going on.

Could Ashlyn be having an emotional breakdown? Her poor wife had been doing much better with her reasoning and had been experiencing a lot less confusion lately. But there was still a possibility that her brain injury could be making it difficult for her to comprehend her own thoughts at the moment. If that's the case, it obviously wouldn't be a good time to make such a life altering decision. 

But Ali was also worried about her wife because she knew that she does have a tendency to pull away when she's feeling hurt. She wasn't sure if this was too much for her wife to handle right now. 

She didn't want to push her wife, but she knew they had to do something about this boy. Ali knew that in the long run Ashlyn would never be able to live with herself if they left this boy without a family. 

Unfortunately, it seemed like something was holding Ashlyn back and Ali couldn't figure out what it was.

"Sorry." Ashlyn barely spoke above a whisper.

"It's ok. I just need you to talk to me. Don't shut me out." Ali was not about to let her wife drift away, not even for a moment.

"I wasn't trying to shut you out. I've just been thinking." Ashlyn replied. Ali was a little relieved by her answer. She knew that Ashlyn did need more time to process things now days than she used too.

"Well, that's ok. Maybe it would help to talk it out." Ali encouraged.

"Maybe we should relieve your dad of baby duty first?..." Ashlyn replied.

Ali was torn. She didn't want her wife to close up again, but every responsible parent knows you can't just leave the baby sitter hanging. Especially when you have a good one.

"Alright, but we are continuing this conversation!" Ali said sternly.

"I'm not trying to get out of it. Geeze!" 

Ashlyn was a little irritated. Her wife had been in super protective mode ever since her surgery. She could understand at first, but she has improved drastically since those first few days and weeks of recovery. She didn't need to be treated like a child anymore. What she needed was for her wife to lower her level of crazy and stop treating her like she might break at any moment.

...

After the women thanked and hugged Ali's dad good-bye, they both did a bed check and made sure their little angels were asleep. They got ready for bed and Ashlyn suddenly had the urge for a late night snack.

Ali thought this was just her way to put off having to talk to her. She patiently waited for her wife to return. 

She waited. Ashlyn never came back.

...

Ali searched for her wife after waiting for almost and hour. She was so worried that Ashlyn made a run for it. Maybe the stress was too much for her. 

She thought back to the day Ash had her seizure. Ashlyn had told her that she didn't know what she was doing during that time. She said she was confused and scared and couldn't put two thoughts together. And then the next thing she knew she was in an ambulance on her way to the hospital.

Ali was afraid something like that was going to happen again. Her behavior was definitely confusing.

Ali looked in the kitchen first. No Ashlyn. 

She looked in the backyard where her wife sometimes goes to think. She wasn't there either.

Ali's worry meter was increasing by the second. She checked the garage and both cars were there so at least Ash didn't leave. Unless she left on foot, Ali thought. 

Ali continued to search the house. As she opened the door to the last room she felt stupid. 

"I should have known." Ali said.

"What?" Ashlyn answered confused.

Ashlyn was sitting on the bed of their guest room. The room that would be Jacob's if he were part of the family.

Ali sat down next to her wife and rubbed her back. Ash was sitting up straight staring at an empty wall in front of her. Both her hands were in her lap holding a glass of water.

Ali reached for the glass and took a sip. She observed her wife for a moment and then stared at the same wall. She didn't want to push. She could wait just a little bit longer.

Ashlyn took a deep breath and let out a long sigh. She was finally ready to open up.

"I'm scared." She said.

Ali didn't want to interrupt her now that she was finally talking, so she took another sip and stayed quiet.

"Alex, this isn't just about Jacob. It's also about Lex and Sam. I know how horrible it is to be separated from your family. But they don't even know about him. They're happy."

Ali took another sip.

"We aren't just talking about fostering him, either. There's no way we would ever be able to turn back once he comes in this house. We are talking about whether or not we will adopt him and make him a permanent part of this family."

Ali took a sip. Trying hard not to speak.

"Al, this boy...who knows what he's been through." Ashlyn's voice cracked.

"I really do want to protect him but how can we do that and still protect Lex and Sam?"

Ali was done drinking. She got up and set the glass down on the dresser across the room.

"Ashlyn, what are you afraid of?" Ali was standing right in front of her wife.

"What if we aren't enough? This boy deserves two parents who are whole. Two parents who aren't broken....He deserves better than me! How can I possibly be enough?" Ashlyn put her face in her hands and finally let out the sob she was holding in.

Ali sat down next to her on the bed and hugged her. She brought Ashlyn into her and started rubbing her back again to try and calm her down.

"Shh, shh. It's ok." Ali was trying hard to comfort her. "Ashlyn, you know what I think?"

Ash lifted her head from Ali's shoulder to hear what she would say. 

"I think that there is no one better in this world to love and help that boy than you." She made sure to maintain eye contact as she spoke the words.

"Alex, I don't feel that way." Ashlyn whispered.

"I know. But you connected with him before we even knew about him. That's not some random coincidence, baby. Maybe it's meant to be." Ali couldn't believe what she was saying. She didn't think she had made up her own mind about taking the boy in, but maybe she did.

"What about Lex and Sam? How do we explain that he's their brother? We would have to tell them that their adopted and their real parents didn't want them. And what about Jacob? What terrible stories would he be able to tell them about what their parents did to them?" Ash apparently had thought this through very thoroughly.

She continued. "Even if we don't tell them they are related and try to hide it from them, Jacob is 14. He's smart. I can tell he is. He'll figure it out. Are we ok with him breaking the news to our babies?"

Ali gave Ash a small smile. "He's smart, huh?"

"Yeah, I could tell when I was talking to him. Like he seemed to know more about the world than a 14 year old should." Ash answered. She hadn't noticed Ali's change of demeanor.

"Describe him to me." 

"Well, he's handsome. I think he's handsome, anyway. And he is skinny, too skinny if you ask me. We'll need to keep our fridge stocked up for the boy. I could tell by his eyes that he's been through a lot, but I don't think he's calloused. You know what I mean? I think he has tried to stay kind and hopeful, even though his life has been hard. I could tell he could be funny if he wanted to be. And not stupid funny either, but a smart kind of funny that could make anyone laugh. I can just imagine me and him pranking you guys. It would be the best."

Ali let her wife ramble on and on. Ashlyn didn't realize what she was saying but Ali did. Once Ash finally stopped talking and Ali noticed the smile that had formed on her wife's face, she decided to put in her two cents.

"You know what it sounds like to me?" Ali asked.

"What?" 

"Like in your heart, you're already this boy's mother." Ali gave her wife a squeeze to punctuate her point.

"What do you mean?" Ash asked

"You just described a kid in full detail who you barely spoke to and met for just a couple of minutes. And the more you talked about him, the brighter your eyes became." Ali took Ashlyn's face in her hands.

Ashlyn didn't know what to say to that. Ali could have continued but she knew she needed to wait for Ashlyn.

"What if it doesn't work out?"

"It will." Ali answered.

"What if the kids don't get along?"

"They will."

"What if I end up damaging him?" 

"You won't." Ali said and kissed her wife's lips.

Ashlyn deepened the kiss and decided they would need to finish this conversation another time. She lifted her wife up off the bed and took her to their own room. 

Both women were overcome with love. They spent the rest of the night making love and eventually fell asleep in each other's arms. Whatever tomorrow would bring, they would face it together.

...

Tomorrow did come and the women knew what they had to do. But they thought it was unfair for them to make this decision on their own. They wanted to talk to Jacob.

They arranged a meeting with him the next day and hoped to clarify some things.

...

The following day they found themselves sitting across from the 14 year old boy at Ashlyn's favorite steak place. Ashlyn insisted they go there to 'put some meat on his bones.' The social worker was shocked because usually potential foster parents meet at a park or some cheap fast food place.

The boy sat across from them and said, "So you're the two lesbians from the pizza place, right?"

Ali tried to hide a smile and Ashlyn thought, 'He really is my son.' Both women shared a look and gave the boy their attention.

The social worker sitting next to him seemed absolutely offended for the two women. She tried to tell Jacob to apologize but Ali told her it was fine.

The meal was pretty quiet on Jacob's end. He gave short one word answers whenever possible. He devoured the meal in front of him. Ali ordered him more french fries. She didn't want him to leave hungry.

The social worker had to excuse herself to answer a call and that's when it happened. The boy took off his hat, the same hat he was wearing when Ashlyn first met him, and handed it to her.

"I um...I've felt bad ever since I met you. Um...I stole this. I wanted to give it to you. I don't know, maybe you can return it."

"Yeah, sure." Ash answered. She was shocked the boy had even initiated a conversation with her.

"It's dumb." He put his head down. "I know it's dumb. I just felt like I needed to give it to you."

Ali's heart was ready to burst. It seemed that this boy was already treating Ashlyn like his mother. She could see glimpses of their new family already starting.

When it was time to leave and they had said their good-byes Ali watched the boy tap her wife on the shoulder before leaving with the social worker. 

She heard the boy whisper, "You're right. She is hotter up close." 

"You ain't gotta tell me that!" Ash answered with a laugh.

Ali couldn't hide her smile. "Great another son who favors Ashlyn." She said to herself. "But at least he thinks I'm hot." 

...

The women had met with Jacob several times that week. They had told him that they were very interested in being a part of his life but wanted him to feel comfortable and be a part of the decision. 

Jacob knew all along that he liked them but he was still holding out worrying that he would never see his siblings again. Unless, he thought, maybe his new family was willing to help him. After hanging out with them enough, he decided that they would be willing to help him in any way that they could.

Ashlyn and Ali hadn't told him much about their children. They felt like they needed to be careful every step of the way.

Jacob and Ashlyn were busy stuffing their faces with the biggest hamburgers they could find when Ali finally said it. 

"So Jacob, what do you think?"

"Yeah man, whatcha thinking?" Ash added with a mouthful of partially chewed beef.

The boy didn't wait for his own food to be properly chewed either when he answered, "About what?"

"Your killing me, man!" Ash groaned.

Jacob laughed at his soon to be mom. 

"Yeah, I'd like to try it." He said.

Ashlyn forcefully pulled the boy into her for a hug.

"Yeah! Let's do this!" She exclaimed.

Ali pulled him into a much gentler kind of hug. She gave him a kiss on his cheek and told him that they were so lucky to be given a chance to be part of his family.

...

After an hour of bonding, Jacob's mothers decided it was time to tell him about his brother and sister.

"Hey Jake." Ashlyn gave the boy his first nickname. "We wanted to talk to you before we take you back and finish up the paperwork."

Ashlyn gestured for the family to sit on a nearby park bench. 

"As you know we have 2 other kids. We decided to be foster parents because my brother and I lived in several different foster homes when we were young. Sometimes we were lucky to be together and sometimes not so lucky."

Ali noticed Jacob had started to look really sad. She rubbed his back and tried to comfort him as Ashlyn continued.

"Our first two children are biological brother and sister. I knew we had to take them the moment we heard their story." Ali nodded along, remembering very clearly Ashlyn's response.

"They are the best thing we've ever done with our lives." Ashlyn said.

She looked at Ali wanting her to help her out. She couldn't just blurt it out. This poor boy's life was already changing in a huge way.

Ali got his attention and grabbed his arm around his biceps and held onto him. "We found out that our kids are the siblings you've been looking for."

"What?" Jacob was not expecting that.

"It's true." Ash added. "We didn't want to freak you out or pressure you to pick us. But you were already a part of our family long before we ever met."

The boy was starting to tear up. He felt ashamed. He didn't want them to see him cry. Ali pulled him in for a hug. She hated seeing him this way. 

"It's ok to cry." Ash said. She could tell he felt ashamed. "I cry all the time. Just ask my wife." She tried to joke but it fell flat.

They decided to give him time to take it all in. Ashlyn left the two on the bench and brought them ice cream cones.

Once the boy was ready to talk they showed him pictures of his siblings and discussed their concerns about them finding out that they're adopted. 

It was a big secret to ask a 14 year old to keep, but they decided that would be the best place to start for now. All three agreed that they wanted to protect the children, including Jacob.

...

After an awkward first week the kids seemed to really bond. Jake loved flying Sam around the back yard like Superman and Ash said her arms appreciated the break.

Ali watched her new son begin to change. He was becoming more open and outgoing. He truly looked happy. And that made his new family happy too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *cough cough* ;)


	41. Fear No More

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This includes a prompt request.

Ashlyn had Sam in her arms, who had fallen asleep many stores ago. She was following behind Ali and Lex as they helped Jake pick out a whole new wardrobe. Usually, she would have dodged the bullet of shopping with her two divas, but she wanted to see Jake's reaction to all the extra attention.

Normally, a 14 year old boy would hate to be fussed over and dragged all over the mall, but this was all new for Jacob. 

Maybe once he's more familiar with the way love feels, and having people care about him becomes common place, then maybe he would be annoyed by it. But right now, he never wanted it to end.

The diva princesses would pick something out, he would try it on, Ali and Lex would gush, and then he would turn to Ashlyn and ask what she thought.

He picked out every single thing Ashlyn said she liked. 

...

Jacob bonded with the family well. However, he seemed to have a hard time with Ali's dad. It wasn't that they didn't get along, he just preferred to keep a distance from him whenever possible. Ali noticed this right away.

She tried to set up little scenarios and situations where the two of them could bond. Unless one of his mothers were with him too, he wasn't interested. And whenever it was only him and his brother and sister he seemed on guard. 

Ashlyn and Ali decided that he must have had a bad experience with some adult male in the past. They both knew that his new grandfather would win him over sooner or later.  
...

The women made sure to get Jacob a check-up at the doctor and found out that he is deathly afraid of needles. He's anemic. He has asthma and a weak immune system.

Ali made it her mission to fix as much of that as she could.  
...

"Sweetheart." Ali knocked on Jake's door and opened it with his permission. "Do you need help packing?"

"Umm, I don't know. I've never been on a plane before." Jacob had never even left the city.

"It's no big deal. We fly all the time. We're only gonna be there for a couple days so one bag should be enough." She pulled out the duffle bag he had picked out earlier that day. 

She continued. "You'll want clean underwear for each day, socks and whatever outfits you want to wear while you're there. We might go swimming so pack your trunks and flip flops. Um, let's see...I'm packing all the tooth brushes. And I put your inhaler with your mom's."

Ali stopped talking and stiffened up.

"Um I mean....Ashlyn."

The whole 'calling two strangers MOM' thing was still a little awkward for the boy. Which both Ashlyn and Ali understood. They have told him all along that they want him to be comfortable.

"It's ok. Although I'm not gonna call you 'Mommy.' I'm not a 4 year old. I guess I will call you both 'Mom.' But that might be confusing. I don't know. We'll figure it out."

Ali could tell he had been thinking about it and really did want to call them 'mom.' Once again, this kid melted her heart.

Ashlyn loudly interrupted them and said "Call me whatever you want. Just don't call me late for dinner!" 

She had Sam on her back and they were standing at the door. They heard the end of their conversation and Ash decided to add a little fun to the mix.

Sam was laughing at his mom's joke because she was laughing at it. He didn't know why it was so funny....or NOT so funny, according to Ali.

...

The flight was a little bit scary for Jake. He tried to play it cool but he was nervous, especially at take off and on the landing. 

The family was now too big to fit in one row. They always have Sam travel as a 'lap child' meaning he doesn't have his own seat. Which works for him because he can't sit still anyway. With Sam in a lap the four of them could fit in one row. 

Now with 5 family members they have to split up. Ashlyn and Jake sat together. Ali and Lex sat together and then Sam just sat on whoever felt like having a 3 year old hanging on them.

Ash and Jacob were in the row behind the rest of the family. After about 3 hours in the air Ali felt her wife poke her through the opening between the seats. Ali turned around and saw Ashlyn sporting a huge grin and their oldest son fast asleep, leaning on Ash's shoulder.

Another melted heart for Ali.

Towards the end of the flight Sam asked to sit with Jacob. He sat in his lap through the entire landing. Ali had explained to him that he might be a little nervous because he had never flown before. Super Sam-Bam decided to come to the rescue and save the day!

Sam's version of helping him meant making swooshing noises and pretending they were dodging missiles. It did end up taking his mind off of the possibility of crashing, so his brother did save the day after all.  
...

The team arrived in Seattle in the late afternoon. The family had already set it up to meet with the three stooges. That's how Ashlyn introduced them to Jacob, anyway. 

Pinoe, Syd and Carm were excited to see the kids and meet the newest addition. 

"This is our son, Jacob." Ali introduced him.

"As you can see he is very handsome so you guys better watch it!" Ashlyn joked. "I'm talking to YOU, Syd!"

"Please, he is way too young for me!" Syd replied.

"Mommy, am I hansum?" Sam pulled on Ali's hand.

"Oh yes, baby! Both you and your brother are SO handsome!" Ali answered.

The two boys looked at each other with a smile and Sam grabbed Jake's hand and held it all the way through dinner.

...

The family ended up visiting with Syd and her dogs. Sam decided that he too was a dog and spent the evening barking at them. Boss was not a fan of the boy's energy. He hid behind Sydney for a lot of the night. 

Jacob was mostly quiet during all of the festivities but he noticed Lex was annoyed by their little brother.

"What's wrong, Lexi?" Jake still found it weird calling her a name someone else other than their parents gave her.

"He's so loud! All the time." She complained.

"Yeah, he is kinda loud. But you should he glad he's around. He's a good brother." Jake was so thankful to have both of them back.

"Are you glad I'm your sister, too?"  
She asked hoping that he would say yes.

"I've been hoping you would be my sister for a long time." He answered. 

He knew he had to change the subject. He promised his moms he would hold off on telling them until the time was right. Plus she's probably too young to understand anyway.

"Why don't we try to play with Boss. He looks like he's scared of Sam too." Jake said to his sister.

It ended up that Lex and Boss were a perfect fit. She spent the evening petting him and agreeing with him whenever he would bark at Sam. He would bark at him a lot, especially when Sammy pretended to pee on the furniture.  
...

The next day the three stooges took the family out to lunch before their game that night. Pinoe offered Jake $50 to unscrew the salt shaker lid and give it to his mom.

"Whichever Mom you want. Just put it in front of them and if they use it the fifty bucks is yours'."She said.

He had never even seen that much money before, but he also didn't want his parents to change their minds about keeping him. He declined and got really quiet for the rest of the day.  
...

At the game Ash sat in the stands with the kids. Ali had the Spirit make her oldest son a Krieger-Harris goalkeeper jersey that he could wear that night. So he was decked out. 

The younger kids had a regular field player's Spirit jersey with Ali's number on it. They owned both variations of #11 and #1 but since Ali was the one playing they wore her number.

After the game the whole family joined Ali and the teams on the field. Hope pulled Ash aside and the two spent a long time talking. 

When the two keepers joined the rest of the group Pinoe walked up to Ash and gave her a mischievous look.

"What?" Ash said.

"Can I see your scar?" Pinoe asked.

Hope smacked Pinoe in the back so hard the girl lost her balance and fell into Ashlyn. 

Ash started to laugh. "It's cool. It's not that bad anymore. I do have a weird patch of hair that's growing around it so it might be hard to see.

Ashlyn moved her hair and bent down so that Megan and everyone else could see it. Ali noticed that Jacob seemed worried when he saw it. It was also his first time looking at it.

"It doesn't hurt. I think my brain is pretty much healed up." Ash looked at Ali for confirmation when she said that.

"I think it's getting there." Ali said it so carefully you would think she was talking about someone on their death bed.

Ali fixed Ashlyn's hair and covered up the scar. She hated seeing it. It reminded her of the worst moments of her life.

Ash could sense that her wife was worrying again. She gave her a smile and moved to stand beside her. She kept her arm around her shoulders until it was time to leave.

Jacob studied the two women and decided he wanted to do everything in his power to keep them happy and safe.  
...

The flight home was a lot easier. Towards the end of the trip Jacob shared with Ashlyn what was on his mind.

"Do you like having me at your house?" He asked.

Ashlyn was taken by surprise. "Yeah. But it's not just my house. It's your house too."

Jake didn't know how to respond to that. Owning something of value wasn't something he was familiar with. And having a home was even more foreign to him.

"That lady Megan asked me to try to trick you at dinner. She said she would pay me $50. I really wanted the money but I was afraid if I did it you wouldn't want me anymore." He was practically staring a hole through the seat in front of him.

Ashlyn tapped his leg and asked him to look at her.

"Hey man, the reason we were so careful when we were first getting to know you is because we have no intention to ever give you up. You've heard a little bit about what I went through growing up, right?"

The boy nodded that he knew what she was referring too. "Your mother and I could never do that to you. You're stuck with us. Even if you screw up. Our love for you won't change. I promise you."

Ash paused for a moment because she wanted the boy to know she was serious.

"There will come a day when we'll have an argument or you'll hate us because we won't let you do something you really want to do. But I can promise you, son...that we will always do things from a heart of love for you."

Ashlyn gave the boy a small smile and said, "There is nothing you can do, there is nothing that you have done, and there is nothing anyone else could ever do or say that would make us stop loving you."

"And that's all there is to it." Ashlyn finished. She gave her son a side hug and kissed him on the cheek. 

She settled back into her seat and asked, "Any other questions?"

"No. That pretty much covers it." He said. 

"Love covers everything, son."

During the landing, Jacob took Ashlyn's hand and looked out the window watching the runway get closer and closer. 

He wasn't scared anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All of your commens have me overwhelmed by kindness. And that's the best kind of "overwhelmed." Thank you for reading and thank you for sharing your thoughts.


	42. Drive Me Crazy

"This sucks!" Ash sighed. 

Her and Jacob were at the kitchen table 'studying' together. Jacob had quite a lot of schooling to catch up on to be able to start high school in the fall. They were really hoping he would be able to test well enough to be in the appropriate grade for his age. It was going to require a lot of work on his and his parents part.

Ashlyn was working on some reading comprehension exercises her neurologist gave her. She hated it. Something that should be easy was very difficult. She was ready to bail.

"Hey man, we should take a break." Ashlyn was a bad influence on her son.

"Mom wouldn't like that." He answered.

"Don't worry about her. I can handle her. Let's get out of here before she comes downstairs." Ashlyn grabbed her son's arm and pulled him towards the front door.

"I don't want to get in trouble, maybe we should stay here and study more." Jake was uncomfortable with upsetting either of his parents. He felt like he was in a no win situation.

"You're not gonna get in trouble. You're with me. I'm you're get out of jail free card." Jake had no idea what she meant by that and his face showed it. "Dude, I'm telling you, because you're with me your mom can't get mad."

"Uh...ok." He wasn't convinced but what else could he do.

"It will just be a quick break anyway." Ash assured him.  
...

4 hours later the two returned home. They both had new longboards in their hands and were laughing about a scared pedestrian Jake almost ran over.

The laughs stopped.

Ashlyn saw her wife sitting at the kitchen table that was still filled with both of their study materials. Ali didn't say a word she just stared her wife down.

"Hey babe." Ash tried to melt the icy glare with a kiss. Ali turned her head just in time to cause her to miss. Ash tried to cover it up and just gave her a kiss on the cheek instead.

"Did you two have fun?" Ali asked. Poor Jake was terrified.

"Yeah, we were getting worn out with all the studying. We made a lot of progress, so we decided to take a short break." Ash tried to justify their absence but was failing miserably.

"Ashlyn, how is a 4 hour break considered short to you?" Ali was ready to let it fly. Ashlyn hesitated to answer and Ali took the opportunity to drive her point further. "You wasted half a day doing God knows what, keeping our son from catching up on his education." 

Ali was really feeling it now. "Tell me, Ashlyn, what is so important that it takes priority over our son's education?"

"Calm down, Al. We were bored." Ash answered. 

Wrong answer.

"You were bored? Is that the example you want to set for our children? That it's ok to just give up on something or blow it off because it's not entertaining or interesting enough?"

Ashlyn grabbed behind her neck and stretched it side to side. She had no answer. 

"Can we talk about this in private, please?" Ashlyn asked.

Ali had a unwavering stern look, but she agreed to her wife's request. She stood up and headed upstairs without looking at her wife. She knew she would be following behind like a puppy. She didn't need to make sure.

Ash whispered to her oldest, "Listen, don't worry about this. I get in trouble all the time. Go find your brother and sister and have fun."

Ash quickly caught up with Ali and closed the door behind her.

Ash had her head down but her eyes were fixed on Ali. She wanted to wait for her to say whatever it was that she was gonna say. 

Ali wanted to make Ashlyn squirm. Her behavior was absolutely unacceptable in her eyes.

"Well?" Ali asked. Her voice dripping with irritation. It wasn't so much a question as it was a challenge.

"Well...we got bored. No big deal."

"No big deal? Ahhh!!!" Ali was fed up. "You are so frustrating, Ashlyn! I have spent weeks trying to get our son to see the importance in working hard to catch up. And you managed to destroy all that work in an afternoon. Congratulations on your successful parenting!" Ali said sarcastically.

Ashlyn didn't say a word. Ali could tell she really hurt her wife, but she was too angry at the moment to change course.

"Maybe we need to finish this conversation later." Ali said. She opened their bedroom door to leave when she heard her wife.

"Just don't take it out on Jake. He didn't want to make you mad. He only went because I told him it would be ok." 

Ali turned around almost offended. "I am well aware who's to blame, Ashlyn." And then she turned around and left her wife alone in the room.  
...

Ali and the kids were all set up for dinner and a movie in the living room. They hadn't seen Ashlyn since the fight 2 hours ago. Ali thought about sending one of the kids up to get her but then her guilty conscience got in the way.

She knew she had to make things right.

...

Ali knocked on their bedroom door and waited for an answer. Normally she would just walk in but for some reason she thought she was intruding. Ashlyn didn't answer her knock though, so she slowly entered. 

She found her wife asleep on their bed. "Well there goes any chance at a serious conversation." She quietly said to herself. 

Ashlyn wasn't good with words when she is just woken up.

Ali moved towards her wife and sat next to her on the bed. She noticed her eyes were puffy and her face looked sad. 

She had been crying.

Now Ali felt really bad. Why couldn't she had just been more patient with her wife. She thought back over the argument and decided that she really didn't even give Ashlyn a fair chance to explain her side. Now she felt even worse.

Ali put her hand on Ash's shoulder and gave her a little shake.

"Ashlyn" she whispered. "Dinner is ready and the kids are waiting for you to watch a movie." She wanted to add in...'and I'm sorry I'm a big jerk.' But she saved that thought just for herself.

The first sound Ash made in response was a sniffle. Her tears must have left a remnant behind before she fell asleep because when she opened her eyes they were still watery and red.

"Ash." Ali wiped her wife's eyes with the hem of her own sleeve. "I'm sorry for what I said."

Ash was still out of it. She scrunched her eyebrows and squinted her eyes at Ali. She was trying to figure out what was going on.

"Come down for dinner." Ali said and gave her a kiss on her tear stained cheek.  
...

The family started dinner without Ashlyn. She took about 20 minutes to get straightened up. Sam attacked her and claimed her lap for movie night. Ashlyn was fine with that. She carried him to her recliner to make sure she had plenty of space from her wife who was on the couch.

Halfway through the movie Ali got up to refill everyone's drinks and Jacob offered to help. The boy had been quiet all night but finally spoke up when they reached the kitchen and had all the glasses filled and ready to go.

"I'm sorry that I didn't stay to study." He confessed.

Ali shook her head. "It's not your fault, sweetheart. Your mom just has a hard time sitting still sometimes."

"I could tell. I mean...she was really having a hard time with those puzzles the doctor gave her. I think she really did need a break."

Ali hadn't considered that Ashlyn was the one who needed the break. She figured Ash wanted to end Jake's misery and take him out for some fun.

"What do you mean?" Ali asked for clarification.

"I don't know. It just looked like she was really stuck. I would've offered to help her but I didn't want her to feel bad." Jacob said.

"I'm not mad at either of you. I should've been more patient with your mother. Thank you for telling me what really happened." Ali gave him a hug and motioned for him to help bring the drinks out to the rest of the family.

Ali looked at her wife and saw her holding onto Sam tightly. It almost seemed like she was hiding her face behind him. 

Once again Ali felt like a jerk. Ashlyn was ashamed. She had seen that look a million times since her surgery. Ashlyn was ashamed because she was struggling to do something that should be simple. And she was struggling in front of her son. The same boy Ali had just spent weeks encouraging that an education and growing in intelligence are more important than anything else.

"Dang it!" Ali said as she walked over to her wife and offered her something to drink. 

She handed her the glass and then lifted Samuel off of her. "Sammy can you sit with Jake and Lex for a while? I'm gonna take your seat for a little bit."

Sam was so entranced in the movie that he didn't even realize he had been moved. 

Ali sat in her wife's lap and nestled in close until her head was right next to Ashlyn's. Ash tried to ignore her. She maintained eye contact with the cartoon lion on the tv screen and refused to acknowledge her.

Ali whispered into Ash's ear, "I'm sorry. I should have been more patient."

Ali didn't want to let the beans spill that Jake told her how Ashlyn had struggled with her comprehension exercises. 

Ali continued. "You're a great parent. And a great wife. I should have given you a chance to share your thoughts and feelings, instead of assuming what I thought was automatically right."

Ashlyn stilled her breaths. Ali knew she was trying hard not to get emotional. 

"Ashlyn," she whispered, "It's gonna get easier."

Ashlyn finally let herself relax into her wife. "Fighting with you is exhausting." Ashlyn joked. But they both knew it was true.

...

The next day Jake found Ali in the kitchen getting breakfast ready for the family.

"Mom?"

Ali jumped a little. She was very focused on the bacon crackling in the pan in front of her.

"Oh sorry." Jake apologized uncomfortably.

"It's ok. Your mom does it to me all the time. What's up?"

"I was just wondering if you guys were still fighting?" Jacob asked.

"Sweetheart, there is one thing you need to learn about me and your mom." Ali turned the burner off and gave Jake a piece of bacon to enjoy.

"Your mother drives me CRAZY! I'm serious. She frustrates me and makes me want to scream!" She said.

Poor Jake had half a piece of bacon sticking out of his mouth and a wide-eyed expression on his face. He did not expect to hear that.

"But the other thing you need to know about me and your mom is... YOUR MOTHER DRIVES ME CRAZY! " Ali said this with a look of pure bliss on her face. 

"I'm madly in love with that crazy woman. I'm serious. She is my best friend and sometimes she annoys the heck out of me, but it's only because I care so much about her."

"I don't know. I guess I was worried that maybe I caused you to be mad at her." Jake said.

"Oh don't you worry about that. She does plenty to make me mad at her. But I can't stay mad for long. I'm a total sucker for her."

Ali added to prove her point. "Just yesterday, when we were in that argument, I realized I had already forgiven her before I even finished yelling at her! How ridiculous is that?"

"I guess it's better than being mad at her." He said.

"Yeah, it's a lot better." She grabbed some bacon for herself and chomped down on the salty goodness.

The two heard Ash and Sam singing a breakfast song they were making up as they went along. They saw Lex following behind with a sleepy Monster in her arms.

"Hey woman, breakfast smells good!" Ash said.

She was followed by sweet innocent Samuel saying "Hey woman, breakfast good!"

He didn't quite catch all of what Ash said but just enough to get her in trouble.

Ali looked at Jake and shook her head. "See what I mean? She drives me absolutely crazy!"


	43. Once Upon A Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is something I've been thinking about doing for awhile and a prompt from a very nice person made me want to do it now. I hope you enjoy.

"So Jakey....You got your eye on anyone these day?" Ashlyn decided she needed to harass her son a little bit.

The whole family was sitting around the table after dinner. Ali tried to have the majority of their meals together at the table so that the family could 'properly bond.' It was actually a really great idea. The kids seemed to open up about more important things after they had full stomachs. Ashlyn decided that it was as good a time as ever to get her quietest son to open up.

"No." He answered shortly. But he could tell his mom wasn't going to accept that simple answer, so he added, "The only people I hang out with are you guys." His face turned beet red. He wanted to be done with this conversation pronto.

"Come on, you're a catch. You take after me." Ash figured if he argued she could at least claim that she has helped him with his swag.

"I don't know how to talk to girls. I always sound like an idiot when I try to talk to them."

"Well why didn't you say so?" Ash got excited. She considered this area her specialty. "I am the master at getting girls."

Ali had kept quiet until this point in the conversation. She raised one eyebrow and said, "Excuse me?"

"You know what I mean. After I got you I retired my skills....Well, actually I have refined my skills. I continue to get you every day." Ashlyn said with a sweet smile, trying to atone for whatever trouble she might have gotten herself into.

"Ok. I will allow that answer." She leaned over towards Ashlyn's chair and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

Ashlyn turned toward Jacob and whispered, "See what I mean?" She wagged her eyebrows up and down.

"Mommy didn't like you at first!" Lexi needed to set the record straight.

"Who told you that?" Ashlyn asked. Ali was in trouble.

"No, no, no....I didn't say I didn't like her. I said 'I was in a relationship.' There's a difference!" Ali felt like she was about to get in trouble for something that she felt like happened a million years ago. 

"Actually, you said you 'weren't interested.' You broke my heart." Ashlyn gave her a look in hopes to make her feel more guilty.

"Mommy, no! Don't hurt Mama!" Samuel was very protective.

Ali pinched Ashlyn and told her to tell the story right and stop trying to get her in trouble.

"All right, all right....Here's what happened." Ashlyn began to tell her kids about how they first met and how unromantic it turned out to be at first.

...FLASHBACK BEGINS...

Ashlyn was warming up for a home game at UNC when she first saw her. She had earned a full scholarship there by working hard and getting the grades she needed to help her have a better future. The team was playing against Penn State, who was a pretty good team at the time, but everyone knew UNC was the team to beat. 

Ashlyn loved game days. She felt like when she was playing soccer she could even the 'playing field,' so to speak. In every other way she felt less than others, but not on the pitch. She had just as much potential as anyone else and she made sure she didn't waste it. Later in life she would realize that soccer brought her everything good she has ever had, because it brought her Ali.

That day, while she was on the ground stretching, she saw the most beautiful woman she had ever seen. Ali was across the field with her team and she was in the process of putting her hair up. Ash swore that the universe brought them together, because the way the sun was shining through Ali's brown hair made her look like she was surrounded by light. Even the breeze that day that was blowing lightly made Ali look like she was almost floating. Ash was mesmerized by her and felt that she was seeing a living and breathing angel. She felt like Heaven was orchestrating this moment.

After the game, UNC won 2-1, Ashlyn searched for her angel. She ended up finding her in the stands sitting with her team watching the men's team. It took Ashlyn a full 70 minutes, not including halftime, to work up the courage to talk to her.

She slowly approached the row where her and her friends were talking and laughing. She stood behind them for what felt like an awkward eternity. Finally, one of Ali's friends pointed her out. And it was now or never for Ashlyn.

"Hey, um...I was wondering if I could talk to you." Ashlyn felt foolish. She could feel the heat in her cheeks from the blood rushing to them. 

Ali was charmed by the stranger in front of her. She wanted to make her feel more comfortable and placed her hand on Ashlyn's arm. This had the opposite effect. She went blank at her touch. Ashlyn should have known that if you touch an angel, you will lose the ability to speak.

"Are you ok?" Ali noticed that the girl in front of her was out of it. It took a few more moments for Ash to even register that the angel had spoken to her.

"Ummm...yeah. Sorry. You're just so pretty." Ash answered honestly, even though she thought she sounded like and idiot.

"Thank you." Ali decided she didn't want to have her new admirer embarrass herself in front of a group of people so she suggested that they continue their conversation somewhere else.

The two of them found some seats in the stands that were more private and Ali motioned for her to say what was on her mind. 

"Well, umm. Thank you for talking to me. I umm.." Ash looked down at the bleachers in front of them. "Umm, sorry." Ashlyn laughed at herself a little bit. "Gosh, you're just so beautiful. I can't even put a sentence together."

"That's very sweet of you. I really do appreciate it." Ali answered her and put her hand on her back to show encouragement.

"Oh, and you shouldn't touch me. Everything moves in slow motion when you touch me." Ash warned.

"Ok." Ali moved her hand. Normally Ali would laugh in this type of situation but she really wanted to know what Ashlyn needed to say. 

"I do like it when you touch me, but I have a hard time." Ashlyn thought she really made a mess of things.

Ali leaned back, making sure there were a few inches between them. "So, you wanted to tell me something?" Ali was intrigued and if she was honest, she was charmed by the stranger.

"I saw you during warm-ups and I knew that if I didn't ask you out that I would regret it for the rest of my life." It sounded like a line, but it ended up being true.

"That's very sweet of you. But I have a boyfriend. So, I'm not really interested. I'm sorry." Ali apologized.

"A boyfriend? Sorry, I did NOT get that vibe from you." Ashlyn felt bad thinking she might have offended her. Ali noticed and wanted to put her mind at ease.

"It's fine, really. My brother's gay. I love the gays!" Ali said this a little too loudly. She didn't know why but this girl made her nervous. She didn't want to look stupid in front of her.

"Wow, that's good to know. I guess I will talk to you some other time, then." Ash held out her hand for Ali to shake and the two left their separate ways.

Ashlyn gave up on the heavenly defender. She figured the girl was out of her league, anyway.

Ali, however, couldn't get the UNC girl out of her mind. She ended up googling her and trying to find out as much information about her as she could. She finally ended up getting one of her friends who she knew at UNC to get Ashlyn's phone number for her. 

It took Ali 2 months to call her. 

The two soccer players played each other again during that 2 month span. Ali kept Ashlyn's number in her wallet, even though she had it memorized. Ali wanted to approach her at the game but it was too much for her to admit that she might be attracted to a woman. She just wasn't ready. Ashlyn interpreted her distance at the game for a sure sign that she was barking up the wrong tree. 

When Ali finally summoned the courage to call her she said she was only interested in a friendship. Ashlyn had her doubts at first but the fact that she was still with her doctor boyfriend seemed to confirm what she said was true.

Friendship only.

Ali did eventually break up with her doctor boyfriend, who Ashlyn believes was an angel himself. He was the one who noticed Ali was having difficulty breathing. He was the one who took her to the hospital when she had several mini heart attacks. He was the one who saved her life. 

Ashlyn would one day (the day before their wedding) thank him for keeping Ali's heart safe for her. 

After college Ali moved to Germany. She continued to have confusing feelings for Ashlyn. She wasn't ready to admit that she was gay, and even if she was she didn't want it to seem like her best friend was some experiment. These were the years that Ashlyn felt Ali drift away from her.

It was when Ali was finally called into National Team camp that the two women were forced to face each other. Ashlyn was there fighting for a spot on the roster, which didn't come for a while. Ali, on the other hand, once she was discovered her spot seemed locked. Everything at that first camp was awkward. Ali decided to suck it up and talk to the girl who had haunted her ever since the moment they met.

"Hey Ash." Ali nudged her while they waited in line for breakfast.

"Hey." Ash didn't really know what to say. It was Ali that pulled away from her to begin with.

"I just wanted to let you know that I'm sorry and I really miss you." 

Ashlyn was not expecting that. She turned her head away. Ali could tell she was upset.

"I know I hurt you. I just needed some space to figure things out after I came out. I know it's not a good excuse, but it's the reason I changed towards you." Ali tried to get her to understand.

"I don't understand why you thought you had to hide it from me." Ashlyn had heard about her 'coming out' from Megan. 

"I guess I have a lot I need to tell you. Please just give me a chance." Ali pleaded.

Ash let out a breath and said, "of course."

Ali explained that it was Ashlyn that she had been longing for, but she didn't want to rush things because coming out was confusing enough. She didn't want to ruin things with her best friend.

"You probably really hate me now, huh?" Ali asked.

Ashlyn couldn't take her eyes off of Ali's lips.

"Ash! Have you been listening to me at all?"

"What? Oh sorry. I um. I forgive you, I guess." Poor Ashlyn was a stuttering fool.

Ashlyn didn't have words to say but she knew after pining for Ali for almost 3 years, that she wasn't going to let this moment pass her by. She took Ali's head with one hand, fingers swimming in her hair, and pulled her in for a passionate and weighty kiss. 

She told her how she was always the only one for her. No one else had ever been able to make her feel the rush and excitement of passion as well as the gentle tenderness of devotion that only Ali could. Ashlyn had measured all others to Ali's perfection and every one of them fell significantly short. 

She was more than her best friend. She was her soul mate.

She told her that she would have waited ten lifetimes for her, because no one else could ever satisfy her.

They were married a year later.

...FLASHBACK ENDS...

Ali was swooning at the dinner table. The way her wife reminisced about their love just starting out made her emotional. The way that Ashlyn spoke to their children with conviction about her undying love for Ali made her regret making her wait so long. Ashlyn had it all figured out that first glimpse on the soccer field at UNC. 

She owed everything to this woman who refused to give up on her.


	44. Getting Better

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you haven't already you should read Chapter 29 for a little background to aspects of this chapter.

Ashlyn had the boys for the afternoon, while Ali practiced with the Spirit. Sam had a cough so he couldn't go to daycare with his sister. Ashlyn and Jacob both spent 2 hours on studying, with a few snack breaks thrown in. They were both making great progress. 

Everything was getting easier for Ashlyn. Her doctor told her that she will probably wake up one day and everything will start to fall into place. That's exactly what she had been experiencing lately. She still wasn't 100% recovered but she was very close.

For the last 30 minutes of studying Samuel wanted to hug on Ashlyn. He gets even more clingy when he's sick. He had his face smashed against Ashlyn's chest for the rest of the time her and Jake were doing their homework.

After study time they made sure Sam ate something. He's a picky eater to begin with, but especially difficult when he's sick. Ashlyn bribed him with a popsicle to eat half a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. 

After they ate they decided to visit Ali and the team. Ashlyn really missed playing and she had two bored boys who needed to get out of the house.

...

As soon as Ali saw the three she ran over to the sideline. She gave Ashlyn a look and then stroked Sam's head.

"Ashlyn, he should be in bed."

"He's ok. It's not like he's running a marathon or anything. He hasn't left my arms all day. He doesn't have a fever and he hasn't coughed in a while." 

"Has he eaten anything?" Ali asked worriedly. She assumed Ash wouldn't have fed him because he would be fussy about it.

Ash looked at Jake and gave her wife a smirk. "Of course! Both my boys have eaten. What kind of mother do you think I am?"

At first Ali was skeptical. She looked at both Jacob and Ash with squinted eyes and was slow to give her approval. She knew it was very possible that these two could be up to something, but she dropped it because she knew they wouldn't do anything that wasn't good for Sam.

"Ok. I believe you." She gave all three a kiss. One on the cheek for the boys and a quick peck on the lips for her wife.

"We wanted to take you out to lunch." Ash offered. 

"We've got at least another hour. Are you sure you wanna wait?" Ali was worried it was too hot for them to be sitting out. 

"It'll be ok. It's not that long." Ash just wanted to have a taste of some soccer. She missed it so much.

"Alright, but get a hat or something for Sam. I don't want him to get dehydrated." Ali warned.

"Yeah, yeah. Stop worrying and get back to practice!" Ash sent Jacob to her car to get Sam's hat and she stole a bottle of water from the team's stash on the field. The three watched the practice from the team bench.

Samuel would wake up every now and then and cheer on all his favorites, especially his Mommy. 

"Go Mommy, go!" Sam screamed over and over again. 

Ali couldn't help but smile at the little boy but she finally had to tell him to stop because she could tell his voice was getting raspy.

"Hey, Mom." Jacob said to Ashlyn.

"Yeah?"

"Could I maybe play on a soccer team? I could work for the money that it would cost." He said.

"Um no. You don't have to pay, son. That's what me and your mom are for. And HECK YES you can play soccer!" She answered.

"Maybe you could give me a few tips." 

"You wanna be a keeper?" Ash was ready to do a little celebratory dance in her head if he said yes.

"Maybe." He said.

Ash only did half a celebratory dance in her head for a maybe.

"Well, ok. We can get all the stuff you need today and then your mom and I will look for a team for you." She had it all figured out. 

"Oh yeah." She added. "Your grandpa can help, too. He's a coach, you know."

Jacob wasn't sure about his grandpa but he was still excited about everything else.  
...

The family went out to lunch and bought Jake cleats, shin guards, and a soccer ball. Ash made sure to get him some keeper gloves too. They let Samuel pick out a mini ball and they even picked out some pink shin guards for Lexi. The Krieger-Harris house was already overflowing with soccer stuff but you could never have too much, in their opinion.

Ali invited her dad over for dinner and then asked him to show Jacob some drills he could do on his own to improve his footwork. Mr. Krieger was a great coach and was a wizard at these sort of things. 

When Ali's dad went to the back yard to pass the ball around Jacob got really stiff. He grabbed Ali's hand and asked if she would go with him. She knew he was nervous but also knew her dad was the last person in the world he needed to be afraid of. 

"Sweetheart, it's ok. I'll go out there if you want me to, but your grandpa is a good man." She didn't want to bring up anything too specific, but she still wanted to make the point that he was safe now.

She called for Lex to join them since Ash and Sam were asleep on the couch. She felt like her wife was working too hard lately trying to get back her reading comprehension skills. She was wearing herself out!

Ali stopped to give Ash a kiss on the forehead and wake up Sam just long enough to take a few sips of water. Afterwards she headed outside with the other two kids and her dad.

Ashlyn woke up to a 3 year old squishing her cheeks together. He was making fart noises every time he squished. If Ali was there she would have put a stop to it, but instead he had free reign to his Mama's face.

When he noticed her opening her eyes he stopped and got less than an inch away from her face and smiled really big at her.

"Looks like someone's feeling better." She said to him. Ashlyn was still pretty tired but she knew her nap time was long gone.

She made her way to the kitchen and filled a sippy cup with water for Sam to drink. She just stuffed her face in the sink and took a drink straight from the faucet. 

Ashlyn brought a very wiggly boy out side to join the rest of the family. She handed him to Ali and went to lie down on one of the lounge chairs they have. 

Ali smiled at her half asleep wife and followed her to make sure she was ok. 

"Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!" Samuel was trying to wiggle out of Ali's arms. 

"I wanna play with Gramps!" Ali felt his head and made sure he seemed ok before setting him down and letting him run wild.

"Hey baby." Ali sat in the open space of the chair where Ash was laying.

"Hey." Ash yawned out.

"Are you feeling ok?" Ali felt her forehead just to make sure she wasn't sick.

"I'm fine. Just tired." Ash answered honestly.

Ali felt good about that answer and cuddled up next to her and watched their kids play with her dad. She rested her head on Ashlyn's chest and listened to her breaths even out.

Everything felt perfect.

Perfection lasted only a few moments. Her smile was soon replaced with a mix between anger and fear. During one of the drills her dad put his hand on Jake's shoulder and Jacob immediately pushed him hard to get away. Ali saw the whole thing and knew that her dad's actions were completely innocent.

Ali jumped off the chair, startling a no longer sleeping Ashlyn, and yelled at her son.

"Jacob, what are you doing?" 

Jake didn't answer. It seemed he was surprised by his actions too. Ali's dad was shocked but he didn't make any moves toward Jacob. 

The usually quiet man said, "I'm sorry if I surprised you or made you uncomfortable."

Jake still didn't answer. By this time Ash had joined them and had a scared Sam and Lexi hiding behind her legs.

"Jacob, that behavior is unacceptable! You apologize to your grandfather right now!" Ali scolded.

Ashlyn put her hand on her wife's shoulder and whispered, "Maybe you should calm down a little bit, babe."

At Ash's touch and words Ali did calm down. But Jacob still didn't say a word.

Ken decided soccer practice was over and gave everyone a wave before he left. He would usually give hugs and kisses but this time he felt like it'd be best not to.

"You're going to call him in the morning and apologize, Jacob. I mean it. He came here to help you and you thank him by becoming violent with him. That is unacceptable!" Ali didn't want him to think they would just let it go because her dad acted like he wasn't too bothered by it.

...

Ali was a wreck that night. Jake hadn't spoken since the 'pushing incident' and Ali was torn between trying to teach her son not to be violent and trying to be sensitive to any possible past issues he might struggle with. Being a good parent is sometimes a guessing game.

Ashlyn could tell she was being too hard on herself. She enveloped her wife from behind and held her tight. 

"Babe, you did everything right. He's a teenager. I bet he feels worse than you do." Ashlyn said.

"Then why does he refuse to talk to me?" Ali asked ready to cry because she felt like a failure.

"He hasn't spoken to anyone. It's not just you. If you ask me it's probably because he doesn't know what to say. He's a quiet boy to begin with, babe. That's nothing new."

Ali turned around so that she could bury her face in Ashlyn's chest. She mumbled, "That's true."

Ashlyn laughed because she knew exactly what her wife said even though it sounded like gibberish.

"Why don't you go take a bubble bath and I'll put the kids to bed." She kissed the top of Ali's head multiple times before she finally answered with a quiet "ok."  
...

Ashlyn tucked the younger ones in bed and went to check on Jacob. He was sitting up in his bed, with the light turned off and listening to music through his oversized headphones that Ashlyn had picked out for him.

Since he didn't answer when she knocked she carefully let herself in. She flipped on the light and saw her son was wide awake. When he saw her he took off is headphones and put his head down. He wanted to avoid eye contact. He figured she was disappointed in him.

Instead of scolding him or rehashing the events from that night, Ashlyn told him the story about her dad. 

She told him that he told her to her face he didn't want her. She told him about some of the terrible things that he had done to her and what some of her many foster parents had done, as well.

His eyes started to well up. He didn't want Ashlyn to see it, but she did. Ash wasn't sure if his tears were for her or himself, or both. Even though she wanted to offer comfort to him she wasn't done with her story.

She brought up the night that Ali's dad took her out to dinner and shared how nervous she was that he was disappointed in her. And then she told him that Ken had given her something she had been searching for for as long as she could remember...a father.

"You see son, there's a reason I thought the worst when he took me out that night. That's all I ever knew, ya know? But he's not like those other guys in my past. He's one of the good ones. Now, I know why you reacted the way you did. I completely understand. Your mom doesn't quite understand because she had a different experience than we did. And I'm glad for that. She had her dad...your grandpa...he's a good man and he's not going to hurt you. You have my word."

"I'm sorry. I felt bad as soon as I did it. And then Mom got really mad. I thought she probably hated me." He finally spoke.

"She could never hate you. Never."

"I know you say that but...I don't feel good enough for you guys. I've been trying to be as perfect as possible, but I was bound to mess up and now you know..."

"Know what?" Ash asked.

"That I'm not good enough. I keep thinking that you're gonna want to get rid of me." He said with his head still down. He was biting his lower lip trying to keep the tears from spilling.

"Hold on a sec." Ash left the room and ran to find Ali. She had just gotten out of the bath and had changed into her pajamas.

"Here." Ashlyn threw her robe at her and grabbed her hand. She led her into Jake's room and told her to sit on the bed.

"What's up?" Ali asked. She was very confused by her wife's sudden craziness.

"Jake, will you please tell her what you just told me?" Ashlyn wanted him to hear Ali's answer for himself.

He wasn't feeling so talkative anymore. He kept chewing on his lip and looking down at the headphones in his hands.

Ash reached over and put a hand on his shoulder. "Son. It's ok. Just tell her. I promise it's ok."

"I told her," he took a breath, "that I'm not good enough and you'll probably want to get rid of me."

Ali was devastated. She threw her arms around him and broke out into tears before he could say another word.

"Jacob, we could never give you up! And you're better than 'good enough.' You're perfect to me. Just the way you are." Ali set the record straight.

"But I pushed grandpa. You were mad at me."

"I was mad at you, that's true. But I know my dad a lot better than you do. I should have been more understanding. I still want you to apologize but I understand why you responded like that." Ali said.

"Do you think he will still be willing to help me with soccer?" Jake asked.

Ali smiled. "I am confident that he would love to help you. Trust me. That guy lives for that stuff." 

The three made sure everyone was feeling better and called it a night. When the women returned to their room they found 2 extra guests in their bed. Samuel and Monster had taken over Ashlyn's side of the bed. Both visitors woke up when the two women tried to go to sleep.

Sam crawled on top of his Mama and played drum rhythms on her head. Ali couldn't help but laugh. 

"Sam-Bam, what are you doing?" Ash asked.

"Mama!" He said excitedly completely missing the fact that he was just asked a question.

"Mama!" Ashlyn apparently didn't answer him quickly enough.

"What, son?" She finally said.

"Monster ate poop."

Ash started cracking up and Ali realized that the very same dog her son was talking about was licking her face.

Ali immediately sprang up and kicked the dog out of bed. She told her son to take him back to his room and make sure he stayed there!

...

The next day Jacob apologized to his grandfather right before they practiced juggling with a tennis ball for almost an hour. Jacob could tell he was getting better in his ball handling skills but even more so his heart was getting better too.


	45. HBD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a little short and contains 2 prompt requests. I hope you enjoy.

"Someone's looking dapper." Ali complimented her wife as she gave her a thorough look over.

"You know it! It's date night with my woman." Ash answered arrogantly.

"Birthday date night." Ali corrected.

"Oh, I'm sorry... Is it your birthday today? I must have forgotten. You know how brain injuries can be?" Ashlyn loved giving her wife a hard time.

"Hey, I told you not to joke about that. It's not funny. I almost lost you." Ali was all business.

"I think it's a little funny." Ash answered trying to get her over-protective birthday girl to relax.

"It's not! Trust me. So just drop it!"

"Alright, alright. Relax. Some people can't take a joke these days!" Ash said. 

"Yeah, yeah." Ali was ready for a change of subject.

"I guess it's true, what they say." Ash wasn't ready to get serious quite yet.

"What's that?"

"You really do start losing your sense of humor in your old age." She joked.

"Stop! You're such a jerk!" Ali slapped her wife on the arm.

"Yes, but I'm a young jerk." Ashlyn loved the fact that she will always be able to tease Ali about her age. No matter how old they get, Ali will always be the cougar in the relationship.

"You are a young jerk and your about to get smacked again by your angry wife." Ali was ready to silence her immature wife.

"Ooh, chills..." Ash faked concern.

Ali shook her head at her wife and then gave her a sign of surrender. "Can we please just be serious for one night?"

Ashlyn couldn't deny the birthday girl. She took her face in both hands and brought her in for a tender kiss. "Of course, babe. I love you. Happy birthday."

...

Ash took Ali on a sunset dinner cruise on the Potomac River. The two danced and shared a romantic moment or two. Ashlyn held Ali close the entire evening.

"Tonight has been perfect, Ash. Thank you." 

"Perfect is what you deserve, babe. I love you more every day." Ashlyn truly did feel more and more in love with her beautiful wife as time passed. She discovered more beauty within Ali than she ever imagined possible.

"I wish we could freeze time, ya know? I wish we could stay in this moment, right here, with the sunset as a backdrop and my sexy wife keeping me warm." Ali held on to her wife even tighter as she said this.

Ashlyn dropped her lips to her wife's neck and began to place light kisses from her collar bone to her jaw. She removed a strand of Ali's hair and began to kiss behind her ear. She gave her lobe a gentle tug with her teeth before coming back to reality.

She pulled back enough to look deeply into her wife's eyes. Ash licked her lips and Ali knew they needed to find somewhere more private, and soon.

The couple found a secluded area on the back of the ship and Ashlyn was set on showing her wife a good time.

She was thanking God that her wife wore a short length dress, because it gave her easier access to where she needed to go. She lifted the hem of her dress up just enough to slip her hand in and do what she has done so many times before. 

Ashlyn knew how to get her wife worked up and she knew how to get her right to the edge and keep her there. Ali, however, was not in the mood to wait. 

"Ash, please." She wanted to explain to her wife in detail how they were in a public place and could be interrupted at any time. She would have liked to tell her that this wasn't the time nor the place for them to go slow, but she was incapable of forming sentences at the moment.

"Baby, please!" Ali begged.

Ashlyn smirked and removed her hand. Ali let out a sigh that was half relief and half disappointment. Ashlyn kissed her passionately and then lifted Ali off the ground. She pushed her against the side of the boat and lifted her so that she could put her shoulder underneath one of Ali's legs. 

Ashlyn had to have a taste of her wife.

Ali threw her head back and let out a long and loud moan. There was no chance of trying to be quiet anymore. Her wife had full control. 

Ashlyn finally gave her wife the release she was looking for and sent her over the moon. On her way back to earth she fell into her wife's arms, her legs unable to support her own weight. Ashlyn was more than happy to hold her close and keep her from falling too far.

...

The women arrived back home pretty late. Ali's dad was asleep on the couch and the kids had been asleep hours ago.

"Baby, I owe you big time for tonight." Ali said. She snuck a snack from the fridge. She was famished.

"Nah, you're worth it. I owe you everything." Ashlyn was genuinely grateful for her wife and tried to never take her for granted. 

Especially over the last few months, Ali has come through huge for Ashlyn. She felt she had a debt that she could never repay.

"Baby," Ali stepped close to her wife. "I feel the same way about you." The two shared a kiss and decided it was time to relieve their sleeping babysitter of his duty.

On the way to the living room Ali offered her wife a bite of the apple she was munching on and Ashlyn answered, "Nah, I already ate." She gave her wife a wink and watched as Ali's face changed to a dark shade of red.

"Ashlyn, my dad is in the next room!"

"What? I was talking about the filet mignon. Get your mind out of the gutter, Cougar."

Happy birthday, indeed.


	46. Making It Official

Ali woke up first.

This is how their morning routine almost always goes. Her wife is usually fast asleep but always touching her in some way. Ali thinks it's sweet that her wife, even when unconscious, seems to be reaching for her.

On this particular morning, Ali woke up to find Ashlyn laying on her stomach with her face smashed into her right arm. Ash had one arm protectively holding Ali in place.

Ali has no choice but to smile. Even though this is what the majority of their mornings are like, she still appreciated it like it was their first morning together. Unfortunately, on this morning, they did have to face the day sooner rather than later.

"Baby, it's time to get up." Ali bounced her shoulder up gently to try to stir her wife awake.

"Ugh." Her wife groaned. Ash didn't like that idea.

"Sorry, baby. I've gotta get breakfast going and you need to make sure the kids are up and ready. We have an early start today." Ali would rather not disrupt her wife's rest but they had an important day ahead of them.

"What? Why?" Ashlyn mumbled against her wife's skin. She was still mostly asleep.

Ali smiled and whispered. "Because today is the day we officially adopt our boy."

Ali could feel Ash smile. Her wife let out another groan but it's sounded much happier than the first. Ashlyn stretched out her arms and legs and rolled onto her back. Ali could tell she was working on waking up so she left her to get herself and breakfast ready. But before she left she gave her wife a kiss and a whispered' "I love you."  
...

Ashlyn checked in on the youngest of the three first. Little Sam was snuggled up with his favorite pup. The two were snoring in unison. Ashlyn didn't even bother waking him up She just scooped him up and let him continue to find sleep in her arms. Little Monster followed them slowly to Lexi's room.

Ash sat on the edge of Lex's bed and gently woke her. She whispered, "Hey my little princess, it's time to get up."

Lex slowly opened her eyes and saw her brother still asleep. She decided that was a good idea. She sat up and hugged her Mama.

"Mama, can you hold me, too?" She needed a little extra love'n this morning.

"Of course, climb on up, princess." Ash answered her very tired daughter.

The three of them arrived at Jacob's room and Ash realized she had a problem. In her right hand she held Samuel, her left sat Lexi...she ran out of hands to knock on Jake's door.

"Lex, can you do me a favor and knock on your brother's door?"

Lexi huffed like it was a huge chore for her to open her eyes and reach for the door. She knocked and when Jake answered she huffed again with the task of turning the knob. Life is tough for an almost 6 year old princess.

"Hey Jake, your mom's working on breakfast." Ash noticed that Jake was fully dressed and ready for the day. She wondered how early the teenage boy, who usually hates getting up earlier than necessary, must have woken up.

"Ok." He answered shortly. 

The boy tried not to let on, but he was nervous for the day's main event. The family had 2 lawyers meeting them at the adoption court at 9am. One lawyer to represent Ashlyn and Ali and the other to represent Jacob and his best interests. 

The boy barely slept the previous night. He thought up every possible scenario of why the judge might not approve his addition to the Krieger-Harris family. 

He just knew in his heart that he would be seen unfit to legally join the clan that took him in. If the judge couldn't find a reason he was sure the women he had come to know as parents would change their minds at the last second. It was all just too good to be true. These sort of things just don't happen to him.

Monster began to bark at the family gathered in Jake's room. He could smell breakfast and was ready to sneak handouts and dropped food from the smallest children. 

His four humans decided to follow him to the kitchen and see what Ali had whipped up. 

Ashlyn, with two kids in hand, kissed her wife and put both down in their designated seats. Ali had to laugh at the trio's matching bed heads.

"So I guess we're getting ready AFTER breakfast, huh?" She laughed and gave Sam's messy hair a tousle.

"We need nutrients to give us strength to look our best." Ash answered.

"Uh huh. Yeah right." Ali rolled her eyes and then looked at her soon to be legal son. She walked over to him, placed a hand on his shoulder and said, "You see? THIS is the goal!" She gave him a kiss on the cheek and thanked him for his punctuality. 

"Listen, some of us just need a little more time to warm up to the morning. We can't all be a perfect specimen so early in the morning like my boy here." Ash said, pointing her thumb towards Jake.

For the first time that morning Jacob smiled. It sure didn't seem like his new parents had any notion to change their minds about adopting him.

...

The court proceedings went as expected. The judge determined it was, in fact, in the best interest of Jacob to be legally appointed to the care of Ali and Ashlyn. 

There was one thing that happened that the women didn't expect. At the end of the proceedings Jacob's lawyer alerted the judge that the boy desired to change his name. He legally became Jacob Isaac Krieger-Harris. 

The women had told him that he had the option to do that, but they didn't want to force it on him. Ever since they had spoken about it he knew that he wanted to do it, but he wanted to save it as a surprise for the women who had changed his life.

The Krieger-Harris family, plus Ali's mom and dad, cheered for their new legal family member. Of course they loved him long before it became official but it was a moment to celebrate. Jacob never would have imagined even one person, let alone 6, cheering for him. His world was definitely changing.

...

The family had a big party back at the house. Ali had it catered to make sure everything was perfect. She didn't trust herself to plan out the menu and prepare it. She knew she would be an emotional wreck leading up to the proceedings. 

She just wanted everything to be flawless for her son. He deserved to feel love and acceptance more than anyone else, she thought. For Ali that meant making sure these details were taken care of. Even if her wife couldn't care less about these things.

The music and laughing were loud. The food was good and the family was happy. Jacob couldn't believe that all of this was because of him. He had a permanent smile on his face the rest of the day.

Ashlyn set up a slip-n-slide in the back yard. Sam begged to let Monster slide on it. Ash agreed but only if Sam held him and sat on his backside when sliding. She didn't want to encourage hurling a dog down a wet surface. Although she did think it would probably be hilarious.

Towards the end of the night Ali observed her dad having a serious discussion with Jacob by the old oak tree. She wondered what the two could be talking about for so long. When she saw her dad call for Ashlyn to join them her curiosity was peaked even more. 

"What are ya'll talking about over here?" Ali asked.

Jacob and Ashlyn both seemed to be hiding a smile.

"It's nothing, sweetheart." Ali's dad finally answered. He was the only one able to keep a straight face.

"You three are up to something." Ali called them out on the obvious. "I expect these things from the two of them," Ali pointed out Ash and Jake, "but not you, Dad!" 

"Like I said, honey, it's nothing." He gave his daughter a kiss on top of her head and left to join Sam and Monster in a conversation about race cars.

Ali kept her gaze on her wife so she couldn't see her dad look back and exchange a smile with his grandson.

"Mmm hmm." Ali was skeptical, but she decided to let it go. They had a lot more celebrating to do.

...

Jacob felt like a huge weight had finally been taken off of his shoulders. He was free to feel safe for the first time in his life. The security and acceptance of a real family, who truly loved him, was unknown territory for him. 

He no longer had to worry about where he would sleep, or if he would eat that day. He didn't have to worry about sleeping with one eye open to make sure no one would take his stuff or try to hurt him. He didn't have to worry about cold winters or dangerously hot summers. 

By some miracle he was brought to the very family he had been looking for all his life. And by the biggest miracle of all, the parents who had taken care of his siblings loved him too, and wanted to also take care of him. 

Maybe he really could be more than he ever thought possible. Maybe, just maybe, his future was bright after all.  
...

After the family had cleaned up and was ready for bed, Ali gave Ashlyn the task of bathing the dog. She decided it was Ashlyn who let him get all wet and stinky so it should be Ashlyn who cleaned him up.

Once Monster received a wash and blow dry, (Ash didn't have patience for an air dry), she returned the dog to Samuel's side and kissed them both goodnight. She found her wife finishing up tucking in Lexi. 

The two finished off their nightly rounds at Jacob's room. "Son, today was a great day." Ashlyn said. "We are dang proud of you."

Ali kissed him goodnight and told him, "There's no going back now, mister. You're stuck with us." She looked at her wife and said, "I think we got the better end of this deal."

They both gave him a kiss and turned out his light. After a long day of epic family celebrations it was finally time to go to bed. Ashlyn knew Ali stressed out whenever they had people over. She decided to give her wife a massage to help her relax.

Ali was feeling much better with every passing second. Ali grabbed one of Ashlyn's hands that was rubbing her shoulder and asked, "Baby, what were you, Jacob and my dad talking about earlier?"

Ashlyn immediately stopped what she was doing and took in a sharp breath before saying, "Um, nothing. Don't worry about it."

Ali knew Ash was hiding something. She's so obvious about it. Why does she even try? Ali knows her better than she knows herself

"Ashlyn, I'm gonna ask you one more time. And let me remind you that I'm the one who has the power to keep you happy or...hmm how should I put this?...frustrated." 

Ashlyn knew exactly what her wife meant and her eyes went wide. "Now, what were you three talking about?" Ali asked and then quickly followed with, "I will know if you lie to me. So don't even try!"

Ashlyn swallowed hard before answering. "Um we were just discussing..." Ashlyn's eyes were wandering the room looking for anything that she might be able to use as an idea to appease her wife.

"Ash, let me stop you right there. DO NOT try to make up a story, right now. That's the same as lying."

"Oh. I would never do that, Alex. You know me." Ash answered, trying to stall.

"I do know you. Now answer the question!" Ali scolded.

Ash gave up trying to deceive her wife. Ali could tell by the look on her face that she was ready to finally give honesty a chance.

"We were talking about building a tree house. First it was gonna be me and your dad. And then Jake came along. Now that he's getting along better with your dad, we decided it would be a really good thing for him to help us."

Ashlyn and Ali's dad had kept the idea of a tree house from Ali because they knew she wouldn't like it. They thought that she would find a million things to worry about and forbid then from pursuing the idea of building it. So they wanted to make sure they had all their ducks in a row before talking to her about it. They wanted to make sure they played their cards right.

"A tree house?" Ali said.

Ali started cracking up, much to her wife's surprise.

"It's not THAT bad of an idea." Ashlyn defended.

"I think it's a great idea." Ali answered.

"Wait.....What?" Ash was shocked.

"It sounds like a great bonding project for you three. I love it!"

"Ok."

"Don't be so shocked! Kyle and I had a tree house. It was great. Our babies deserve one too. Now, can we get some sleep, please?"

"Yeah, of course." Ash said with a half smile, still shocked from her wife's approval. 

Ashlyn spent the night thinking up plans and ideas for their new tree house. 

"What do you think of zip line? It can go from Sam's window right to the tree house. That would be awesome." Ash asked.

"Are you crazy?! Do you know how dangerous that is?" Ali was quick to refuse her wife's idea.

"Ah yes, there's the woman I married. When you first agreed so easily I was worried you might have been some kind of clone, or something. That was a test." Ash said. 

But the truth was Ashlyn really did think a zip line would be awesome.


	47. I Need You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh the early editing issues were a nightmare! So sorry. I think I fixed them.

"Ashlyn, I need you!" Ali was hysterical. Ashlyn was at Jacob's soccer practice when her wife called her in tears.

"Babe, calm down. What's wrong?" Ashlyn knew the best way she could help her wife was to get her to calm down.

"Samuel's hurt! He's refusing to let anyone touch him. I don't know if I should call 911 or not. He won't let me look at him." Ali was freaking out.

"What happened?" Ash asked. She was already packing up her stuff and calling for Jake to come to her.

"I'm not sure. I should have kept a closer eye on him...." Ali couldn't finish explaining to Ashlyn because she was sobbing. She could hear Sam's screams in the background.

By the time Ali was together enough to tell her as much as she knew, she had gotten both Jake and their stuff in her Jeep and they were on their way.

Ash arrived home and sprinted to the house. She found Samuel in a mix of crying, kicking and screaming at Ali. He refused to calm down or accept her help. 

Ashlyn put a hand on her shoulder to let her know she was there. She went straight to the crying boy. Immediately the boy stopped struggling and let Ashlyn comfort him. Poor Ali, though she was glad he was willing to accept Ashlyn's help, she was hurt about how angry he seemed at her.

"What's wrong, Sam-Bam?" Ash asked calmly.

"My arm hurts. I fell off the slide." He barely raised his left arm trying to show his Mama. Ash could tell right away that it was broken.

Ash gave Ali a sad look. She knew Ali felt bad enough for the injury alone. Samuel's behavior must've broken her heart.

"We're gonna have to take you to the hospital, ok bud?" Ashlyn carefully picked him up. She carried him to where the rest of the family had gathered in worry for the boy.

"Alex, what do we need to get him ready for the hospital?" Ali was stunned. Ashlyn's voice snapped her out of it.

"Uhh...I've got all the insurance info in my purse. I'll pack a bag really fast, in case he gets hungry or bored." Ali was staring at their youngest with tears in her eyes. 

She was truly overwhelmed. She's usually the one who knows just what to do. When Ashlyn's appendix ruptured she was able to handle that without missing a beat, but an angry and injured 3 year old really knocked her out of her rhythm.

"Als, it's ok." Ash said calmly. "We'll fix all this once he's not in pain. I promise." Ash watched as her wife seemed to shrink in front of her. She could tell Sam wasn't the only one hurting.

Sam was clinging to Ashlyn's neck with his right arm and crying without a sign of letting up. He was fighting with her when she tried to put him in his car seat. He just wanted to be held. He refused to let go.

They came up with a compromise. Ash let Ali drive and Ash sat in the back seat, right in between Lexi and his car seats. Jake went up front with Ali and was instructed by Ash to hold her hand. Ash knew that this simple action would calm Ali down almost immediately.

Jacob's touch did calm Ali down. Not only was it a presence of comfort but it caused her Super Mom DNA to take over. She went from hysterical to calm and collected because she felt she needed to be strong for Jacob. This transferred to her other two kids, as well.

The children's hospital ER was packed. Sam took up his usual spot in Ashlyn's arms, holding tight to her neck. Unfortunately this time he was quietly crying on her shoulder and moaning in pain.

Ali couldn't stand it any longer. She felt they had waited long enough. Ashlyn whispered something to Sam as they watched her storm up to the check in desk.

"My baby is in severe pain! We need to be seen immediately. I've filled out all your ridiculous paperwork. We've waited for over an hour. This is unacceptable. He's 3 years old and needs help!" Ali wasn't yelling per se, but she wasn't speaking calmly either.

"Ma'am," the receptionist said. "We are doing the best we can. You came at a busy time." She seemed nice. Ali probably would have thought she was nice any other time.

"My son is having trouble breathing." She totally just lied. "Are you gonna let him die because you're too 'busy' to help him?" 

Ali knew from Ashlyn's many trips to the ER that the staff seems to jump whenever shortness of breath, chest pain, head trauma or stomach pain is mentioned. She was in over protective mom mode and decided to hold no punches. 

She was getting her baby checked out and it was going to be soon!

Sure enough, the woman behind the desk changed her opinion about the seriousness of the boy's condition.

"Ma'am you didn't write that on his paperwork. We were unaware." She said.

"Well, it just started." Ali, apparently, was a good liar. 

"Bring him up here and we'll take him back."

Success!  
...

Super Mom was asked about the boy's sudden shortness of breath and she told him he must have been miraculously healed. She received a knowing look from her wife but ignored it completely.

Sam broke his arm. He was excited he got to pick out a camo cast. Ashlyn convinced him it would make him a more difficult ninja to find because he would blend in with his surroundings.  
...

On the way home Sam let Ali sit next to him. He wasn't too friendly about it but he didn't protest. Ash kept checking on the two in her rear view mirror. She knew as soon as they got out of the car she needed to have a conversation with the other half of Team Awesome.

They went through a drive thru and got the kids ice cream. Ash sent Jake with Lex and the house key when they arrived home. Ali was blocked from getting out because of the car seats. She unbuckled Sam but had to wait for Ash to get him out before she could leave.

Ashlyn saw an opportunity. So she took it.

"Hold up, Sam-Bam." Ash said when he reached his one good hand out for her.

If Ali was being honest, she would have told Ash that she was being irritating by holding up the child unloading process. But she felt like she was already on thin ice. Her wife caught her in a lie at the hospital. Ali wanted to make sure she was on her best behavior. It hardly ever happens, but she didn't want to get scolded by Ashlyn. 

"Samuel Christopher." Ash rarely dropped down the middle name on her kids but she felt the situation warranted it. "Why were you so mean to Mommy when you got hurt? She was trying to help you."

"No, mommy didn't help me." He sternly answered.

"She tried to help you, but you wouldn't let her." Ash corrected the angry boy.

"No! I asked her to help me and she didn't!" He was certain he was right on this.

"Sweetheart, you yelled for help as you were falling. I couldn't get to you." Ali defended herself.

"You didn't catch me!" The boy used his good hand to point at her accusingly.

"Samuel, you were already falling I couldn't get to you in time. I tried, but it was too late." 

"Yeah Sam, Mommy isn't as fast as me and you. She doesn't have ninja speed like us. You can't blame her. She's just a civilian." Ash said. 

Ali rolled her eyes.

"Please, I'm so much faster than you." Ali challenged.

"Yeah right! In your dreams, woman!" Ash said.

"Yeah, woman!" Sam smiled and offered his Mama a right handed high five. Ali would have been offended but the exchange changed Sam's attitude instantly. 

"Ninja Sam, can you forgive Mommy?" Ash asked. She said it in such a way the boy took it like it was his duty to do this.

"Yes!" Sam saluted.

"Ninja Sam, will you please tell your Mommy you're sorry for being mean to her?" Ash continued.

"Yes, Mama." Sam wasn't as excited about that request but he knew it was just as important to being a good ninja.

"Mommy, I sorry." The boy's eyes started to well up and both women were satisfied with his sincerity.

"Thank you, my love." Ali said and kissed him on the forehead.

"Alright, so what do you two say about going inside and letting Monster see how cool your cast looks?" Ashlyn asked.

"Yeah, cool!" Sam did a fist pump and let Ashlyn take him out of his seat. 

Once both Sam and Ali were out Ash handed the boy to her wife and said, "You better hold him tight."

"Why? Ash, what are you d..." Ali was cut off by Ashlyn picking her up and carrying them into the house. 

This abrupt action caused Sam to hold tightly to Ali. He no longer held a grudge. The one armed boy could only hold on to his Mommy.

Once they got inside Ashlyn put both of them down. Sam ran straight to Monster and pretended to karate chop him with his camo arm.

"Mama! Monster can't see my new ninja arm." Sam was excited for his new secret attack strategy.

"That's awesome. Just make sure not to really hit him, ok bud?" Ash instructed.

"Ok, Mama." The boy continued to karate chop.

"And please be careful, sweetheart. I don't want you to hurt your other arm." Ali was worried the boy might get a little too excited and hurl himself into something hard again. 

"Ok, Mommy." The boy answered.

Ali added, "I love you, baby."

"Love you, Mommy." The boy said without a second thought. Ali's boy was back.  
...

Ali sentenced the whole family, except for Jacob, to nap time. Truthfully, they all could use it. Ash held Ali in her arms and before letting her wife drift off to sleep she wanted to address one more thing with her.

"So, babe." Ash said.

"Hmm." Ali hummed in response. She was so ready to get some sleep.

"I just wanted you to know that when you went all crazy on that receptionist, me and Sam had a little talk." Ash knew Ali would rather they hadn't noticed.

"Ok?" 

"I told him if anyone could get them to help him feel better, it was you. He nodded his head and through his tears told me that he was glad you're his Mommy. I just thought you should know that." Ashlyn said and squeezed her wife a little tighter before closing her eyes to fall asleep.

"Thank you." Ali whispered. Ashlyn always knew what to say to make things better.


	48. Pirates and Jellyfish

“Luuuuuucy, I’m home.” Ali laughed at herself as she did her best Ricky Ricardo impersonation when she arrived home.

“Hey babe.” Ash seemed strangely subdued. 

“Hey there. Tough day?” Ali walked up behind her wife who was loading the dishwasher.

Ali noticed something was a little off. “Ash, why are you wearing sunglasses in the house? Is your head ok?” Ali expected the worst.

“My head’s fine.” Ash tipped up her glasses to show Ali a very red, swollen and oozing left eye.

“Oh my goodness! What happened?” Ali’s concern was rising by the second.

“It’s fine. Sam and I were taking a nap and he was dreaming, I guess, and in his dream he was a robot with a rocket launcher arm.” Ash said. Her wife had no idea what this had to do with anything, even though it seemed like Ashlyn thought it explained everything.

“And...” Ali gestured for her to continue.

“And....apparently shooting his rocket launcher arm in the dream translated into him swinging his left arm and hitting me in the face. His cast caught my eyeball and scratched it up pretty good.” Ash explained.

“When did this happen?” 

“A few hours ago.” Ash answered.

“Why didn’t you say something? You could have called me. You have to see a doctor and now its too late to see your optometrist. We are gonna have to go to urgent care or the emergency room.” Ali grabbed Ash by the shoulders and moved her to a nearby chair, she wanted to get a better look and her wife was too tall.

“I didn’t want to bother you. It’s not like I was having a heart attack.” Ash justified.

“Baby, we probably could have made an appointment with Dr. Ross and been in and out in less than an hour. Now we have to spend the rest of the night in a waiting room.” Ali wasn’t upset with Ash, she just didn’t understand her reasoning. Ashlyn often hid things or minimized things to keep from bothering or worrying her. After almost 5 years of marriage she still hadn’t broken her of this bad habit.

“I’m sorry. It just didn’t seem that important. I can go tomorrow and then we won’t have to wait around tonight at the ER. It will be ok for a day.” Ash was trying her best to smooth things over but Ali wasn’t going for it.

“Baby, your eye is oozing! Where your eye should be white its bright red. We are not gonna let it go for any longer than we have too.” Ali watched her wife visibly cringe. It wasn’t the gross description of her eye that caused it, but the idea of having to wait around all night to be seen. Ashlyn really hated that.

“I’ll call my dad and see if he can come watch the kids.” Ali pulled out her cell and scrolled to her dad’s name.

“Don’t bother him. I can go by myself.” Ash said.

“Are you serious, Ashlyn? I’m assuming you can’t see too well from that eye. Am I right?” Ali pointed at Ashlyn’s very watery injured eye.

“Well....”

“Exactly! You’re not driving yourself anywhere.” Ali pushed ‘call’ and as the phone was ringing to connect she added, “and you’re not gonna give me any more complaints about taking care of it tonight, either!”

Ash rolled her eyes in protest but the pain this simple rebellious action caused convinced her that she really did need to be seen right away.

...

The couple had to settle for Urgent Care. Ashlyn hated Urgent Care. But she didn’t complain. It was her own fault for putting it off and not going earlier in the day when it first happened. 

Plus her wife told her she wasn’t allowed to complain.

Ashlyn used her wife as a pillow and tried to take a nap against Ali’s shoulder, while Ali read a magazine. It wasn’t working. She just couldn’t get comfortable. She leaned forward and rested her elbows on her knees and her head in her hands. Ali tried to help by rubbing her back, but Ash seemed really restless.

“Baby, you need to relax.” Ali said as Ashlyn changed positions for the hundredth time in the last hour. 

“I can’t. It’s hard not to touch it. It’s driving me crazy!” Ashlyn wasn’t lying. She had tears running down her left cheek like a sieve. Not only that but it was really painful and all she wanted to do was poke at it.

“Ashlyn, you need to focus on something else. Come here.” Ali pulled her in and wrapped her up in a hug. Ali pushed Ashlyn’s head down into her chest gently with her hand. She gave her head a few bonus kisses and then reminisced some of their favorite medical memories together to try to distract her wife.

“Do you remember when we were on our honeymoon and you got stung by that jellyfish?” Ali stroked Ashlyn’s arm as she spoke.

“Aw man, that sucker hurt!” Ash answered.

“Yup, and we ended up spending our third night of marriage at an ‘island doctor’s’ house waiting for you to get treated.”

“All that dude did was shake a burning tree branch at me and chant for the spirits to leave,” Ash added.

“You finally figured out that he was waiting for you to say it was better before he would stop...”

“Yeah, so I lied to get the heck out of there!” Ash finished.

“I should have known then that with you by my side, I would end up spending a lot of time in ERs and urgent cares.” Ali said. There was a very real reason Ali was such a worrier. Her wife’s frequent injuries pushed her over the edge. 

Ali had already started laughing before she could start the next memory. “What about when you broke your nose trying to answer the phone?”

“Hey, that one’s not funny. That hurt!” Ashlyn did not find her pain as hilarious as her wife.

“Come on, baby. It was crazy comical. You were sound asleep. Heard the phone and slammed into the nightstand, face-first.” Ali could not stop herself from cracking up.

“That’s rude. You shouldn’t laugh at my pain. I almost bled to death.” 

“Sure you did.” Ali indulged her wife’s dramatics for the moment. 

She had noticed some of the people around them were giggling at her wife’s expense. She kinda felt bad. Not too bad, just a little bad. The stories she could tell about her wife’s crazy hijinks could fill a book. She really was something special.

Ashlyn had some stories of her own she could share about her wife. “What about that time you got food poisoning right after Algarve? You groaned in my ear all night long. Not to mention other things you did all night long, involving the bathroom...”

“Stop, stop!” Ali interrupted. "It’s making me sick just thinking about it. I will never look at another piece of sushi the same way again.” Ali was ready to throw up just talking about it.

The two women reminisced all night. Even though they really did have endless memories together, they both felt that their journeys together had just begun.

The distractions ended up working like a charm. The two were laughing and sharing stories for the remainder of their 4 hour wait and Ali only had to block her wife a few times from trying to mess with her eye.

...

Ashlyn ended up having a corneal abrasion. She needed antibiotic eye drops, sunglasses to protect her from bright lights, and she couldn’t wear her contacts for a week. Per doctors orders.

Per Ali’s orders, Ashlyn required lots of kisses and back rubs. Ashlyn agreed. 

...

“Mama, you look pretty with yer glasses.” Sweet Sam was always complimenting how pretty his parents were. 

“Thanks, Sam-Bam. I don’t like wearing them, cuz they get fogged up.” She answered.

“Fogged up.” Sam repeated slowly. “What’s that?” 

“It’s like when you go into the bathroom after Mommy takes one of her long showers. You know how it’s hard to see in the mirror?” Ash asked.

“Yeah.” Sam nodded. He likes for Ash to lift him up so he can make pictures on the mirror with his finger.

“That’s what happens to my glasses sometimes. It makes it really hard to see.” Ash explained.

“You can just draw pictures on em.” Sam didn’t see his mom’s problem. To him it was like she had a new sketch pad that she would have with her all the time.

“Well, it’s not quite the same, bud. Besides, I want to make sure I can always see your handsome face!” Sam smiled wide at his mom’s compliment. His parents truly made him feel proud to just be himself. He didn’t need to change a thing. He was fully loved just how he was. 

“Mama, does yer eye hurt bad?” Ashlyn didn’t want Sam to feel bad about the injury so she made Ali promise her she wouldn’t tell Sam it was his camo cast that caused it.

“It’s not too bad. It’s getting better every day.” Ashlyn patted the boy’s head before picking him up and finding the rest of the family.

...

Ashlyn's eye healed up perfectly. During her recovery her youngest son would play pirate ship with her and she would wear a patch and shape her index finger like a hook. She would tell dumb pirate jokes like: "What type of movies do pirates watch?...Rated ARRRR ones!"

They would both get a good laugh, while the rest of the family thought they were crazy.

Ashlyn's eye doctor recommended that she get correction eye surgery, so that she wouldn't need glasses or contacts anymore. 

The morning after the outpatient surgery Ash woke up before her wife.  She was waiting to share this moment with her. She had actually been waiting for this moment for a long time.

Ali finally woke up.

"Ash, how's the vision? Can you see better?" Ali asked through a yawn

"Yeah, I can see perfectly." Ashlyn said and then turned towards Ali. "Oh my! What did I marry?!" 

She acted like Ali was the most hideous looking thing she'd ever seen.

"Stop. You're so dumb." Ali smacked her wife's shoulder. "How long have you been planning that joke?"

"Ever since the doctor told me I should get the surgery." Ash laughed. "Don't worry, babe. Your personality makes up for what you lack in the looks department."

"You are asking for trouble, wife! You better be careful before I injure those perfect little eyes of your's!" Ali was not amused by her wife's sense of humor so early in the morning.

"Babe, you know I'm kidding. You're even more beautiful now that I can see you perfectly with my own eyes." Ash switched gears from joker to charmer.

"Yeah, yeah." Ali wasn't ready to change gears with her wife.

"Aww.." Ash pulled Ali on top of her and said, "let me take a closer look." 

Ash kissed her wife's unamused face until Ali cracked a smile. "Ah there it is. You know, I think I can finally appreciate your perfect beauty. Now that my eyes see perfectly, I can see your perfection more clearly." 

"That's better." Ali approved of her wife's new discovery.

"I love you." Ash said.

"I love you, too." Ali answered, before adding, "Now SEE your way out of here and make your perfect wife some breakfast."

Ashlyn couldn't help but laugh. She got up to make her wife some food and said, "You're the one who's dumb. How long have you been wanting say that to me?"

"Ever since the doctor told you to get the surgery." Ali laughed.

Ashlyn left the room and heard her wife say, "Two peas in a pod, babe! We're made for each other! Your perfect eyes matched with my perfect EVERYTHING ELSE!"


	49. The Art of Woo

“Hey Mom, can I talk to you for a minute?” Jacob seemed to have something pretty serious on his mind. 

Ashlyn closed the lid to the grill that she was cleaning and gave her son her full attention. “Sure, dude. What’s up?”

“Um, well...I was kinda thinking about this date night thing with Mom this weekend and, umm...I was wondering if you could help me with that.” The boy was a mix between embarrassed and shy.

“Usually what we do is plan something that you kids would like. You don’t have to be nervous about it. It’s all about connecting with you guys. It’s for you. You don’t have to worry about a thing, son.” Ash was trying to put her son’s mind at ease and answer what she thought he was asking but she missed it completely.

“No, I mean, um...I want to plan something for her. But I need your help. I want to like treat her right and let her know I love her. But I don’t know how to do that.” He admitted.

“You want to spoil her.” Ashlyn smiled. “You are definitely my son.” She put her arm around his shoulder and said, “I’ll teach you everything you need to know.”

...

Four days later Ali was putting the finishing touches on her hair and make-up. “Baby, will you check on Jake and see if he’s about ready to go?”

Ali had no idea that her ‘date night’ plans were not happening. Ashlyn and Jake planned an entire night that they knew Ali would love. 

“Oh sure, babe.” Ash stuck her head through the bathroom door. “You look beautiful tonight.”

“Thank you, sweetheart.”

Ashlyn left the room and yelled for Jake, but it was all for show. She knew he was no longer in the house. He was actually outside waiting for Ashlyn to text him.

“Als, he’s ready whenever you are.” Ash said trying to hide the smile on her face.

Ali was all set. She went straight to Jake’s room but found it empty. She looked everywhere she could think of and finally decided to ask Ashlyn. 

“Ashlyn, where’s Jake?” Just as she was asking the doorbell rang.

“I don’t know. Will you get the door, I’m kinda busy with these two rugrats.” Ash was pretending to be focused on the younger children but was really waiting for Ali’s reaction.

Ali opened the door to find her oldest son all dressed up. He had on a black button down shirt, dark blue jeans, black suspenders and black classic Chuck Taylor Converse shoes. The top button on his shirt was unbuttoned and the knot of his white tie was left a little loose. 

He handed Ali a huge bouquet of flowers and gave her a kiss on the cheek. He held out his hand to her and asked if she would join him for the evening. He led her to her car where Ashlyn had already put their destination in Ali’s GPS. 

Jacob was a little nervous but he did everything perfect, according to Ashlyn. At least that’s what she told him when she had them pose for a quick picture. After the picture she whispered in his ear to make sure to remember to open her car door and any other door they come too.

...

Ali’s GPS brought them to a fancy French restaurant. Jake hurried out of the car so that he could open his mom’s door for her. He offered his hand to help her out and then gave his arm to her to hold on to for the rest of the way inside. He opened every door and stopped at the Maître D to announce their arrival. Ash set it all up for him. They had a reservation for the nicest table in the place.

Ali was shocked. Jacob could tell that she felt special already, even before their dinner started. He knew he owed Ashlyn a big hug when he got home. 

When the waiter came, Jacob tried to read something in French that was written on a piece of paper he had folded up neatly in his wallet. He showed the waiter and the waiter came back with a glass of Ali’s favorite white wine.

“Are you kidding me, right now?” Ali reached for Jake’s hand on the table. “Jacob, you are perfect.” Ali gushed.

“Well, not really. Mom helped me out a lot.” Jacob didn’t want to mislead his mother. 

Obviously Ali knew this was all Ashlyn’s doing but the simple fact that Jacob would want to participate in such an extravagant display meant the world to her.

“I’m sure you deserve some of the credit, sweetheart.” Ali said. “What else did your Mom help you with?” Ali was curious about what all the two partners in crime could be up too.

“Um...” Jacob put his head down and his cheeks got flushed. “She said that I needed to treat you with respect and go out of my way to give you what you deserve. She said that on a scale from 1-10 you’re a 100 and that I should try to find someone like you. She said if I find someone like you, I will find a happy life.”

He continued. “Uh, she told me that the secret to getting a ‘100’ is to treat all women like they’re 100’s.” 

“Did she give you any tips on how to do that?” Ali asked. She really wanted a sneak peak into the mind of her wife. 

Jacob opened up his wallet again and pulled out the paper. Ali smiled as she realized he had taken notes on what his Mom had told him and not just on what to order. 

“She said that I need to be kind and gentle, but strong and confident too.” He showed Ali where it said that on the paper. “And that sometimes it might be hard to do, but you should swallow your pride and be willing to say you're sorry.”

Ali couldn’t hide her smile. She felt like the boy in front of her had grown in the few months they were together. He was no longer a boy, he was becoming a man. She could not believe how easy it was to love him.

Ashlyn was right that first night they discussed whether they should adopt him or not. She said that she could tell that he had been through a lot but that his heart wasn’t calloused. He didn’t let his difficult beginnings harden his heart and close him off to the possibility of good things. She saw the evidence of that sitting in front of her. This young man was open to love and wanted to show his love for her, as well. He actually sought out her wife, took notes, and applied what he learned. Ali felt she had learned more about love from him than he had from Ashlyn. Just the fact alone that he was trying to grow in this area was a lesson in itself.

They enjoyed a delicious meal and when it came time to pay he took the bill from his mom. He pulled out his wallet one more time, put Ashlyn’s debit card in the receipt holder, and handed it to the waiter. Ashlyn told him how to handle everything, including the tip. He wrote in a generous tip and signed the receipt. He was nervous he might get caught using someone else’s card. He hoped his mom’s instructions would get him home without being arrested.

Jacob stood up and pulled Ali’s chair out as she went to stand. The two were gathering their left overs that they were planning to share with their family when Ali was tapped on the shoulder by an intoxicated man.

“Alexandra Krieger!” The man pulled her into a hug and left both Ali and Jacob feeling uncomfortable. “So, tell me how long has it been? At least 10 years. Am I right?” The man slurred.

“More than that, Jeremy.” Ali answered. She turned toward Jake and put an arm around his shoulders. She could tell he was nervous about this man’s presence. Ali wanted to be friendly but she also wanted to protect Jacob, first and foremost. 

“Jacob, this is Jeremy. I went to high school with him when I was your age. Jeremy, this is my son, Jacob.” She wanted to do a quick introduction and then get the heck out of there.

“You forgot to tell him the best part.” He turned his attention to Jake and said, “We dated back then. We were high school sweethearts. She was the prettiest girl in the whole school. Super hot. By the looks of it I would say she’s still the prettiest girl around.” Jeremy put his hand on Ali’s waist and pulled her towards him. 

Jacob didn’t know what to do. He hated this man. He hated the fact that he would even talk about his mom like she was just another hot girl, when she was so much more. He especially hated that he was touching her.

Jacob put his arm around his mother and pulled her away from Jeremy. He stepped in between the two ready to defend her to the death, if necessary.

Ali wanted to keep everyone calm, especially her son, so she told Jeremy it was nice seeing him again and told him they had to leave. 

“Come on. Have another drink. I don’t believe this kid can possibly be your son. If he’s your son, then I’m his father and that can’t be. I mean we only did it a couple of times.”

The man was drunk. Drunk or not, he just disrespected Ali in front of her son.

Ali slapped him.

This put Jacob on high alert. He didn’t know what to do but he knew he wasn’t gonna let this man hurt Ali. He didn’t realize that Ali was more than capable of taking care of herself. When Jacob stepped forward to block whatever was coming he felt Ali’s hand on his shoulder. 

“It’s ok, Jake. I’ve got this.” Ali walked right up to Jeremy’s face and said, “Listen, Jeremy, my son and I were in the middle of having a great time together. He is twice the man that you will ever be. We are now leaving to join the rest of our family. You weren’t worth my time in high school and you definitely aren’t worth my time now. Next time if you decide to learn some manners, then maybe we can talk. Until then I am going to be living happily without you, alongside my wife, who has satisfied me in ways you could never imagine. Grow up!”  
  

Ali took Jacob’s hand and led him out of the restaurant, leaving her stunned stupid ex-boyfriend behind.

...

When the two pulled into the driveway Ali reached over the center console and held Jacob’s hand. 

“Jacob, I just wanted to thank you for a wonderful evening. It was a dream come true. I felt so loved and special. You are a wonderful son, and I’m so thankful for you. I love you so much.” She gave him a kiss on the cheek and then pulled away. 

“There’s one more thing. Your mom and you came up with a wonderful date night for us. You did everything perfectly. That man that I went to school with, did everything wrong. Not just tonight, either. He has always been a jerk to me and he pressured me to do things I didn’t want to do. I want you to think about that. Think about who I ended up with. That jerk...Gosh, I’d be glad if I never saw him again. But your mom...well, you know I can’t live without her.” 

Jacob nodded in understanding. He knew what his mom was saying. He knew that good things required work and doing the hard things for the sake of others. He knew that he didn’t want to end up like the guy that took advantage of girls and disrespected them. He wanted to be the one that treated every girl like they were out of his league. He wanted to be the one that ended up with the perfect ‘100.’

Jacob hurried to open one last door for his mother. The two happily entered the house. Ali had her arm linked with Jacob’s as they walked in and found Ashlyn, aka the food disposal. She started picking at their left overs immediately.

“How was your evening, guys?” Ash asked with a mouth full of food.

“AMAZING!” Ali said excitedly.

Ash looked at Jake for his answer, as well. She knew he had planned and worked hard for this night.

“It was really good. Thanks.” He gave Ash a quick hug.

“It’s all you, man!” Ash was determined to give him all the credit.

The boy pulled out his wallet immediately and handed Ashlyn her debit card back.

“You’re supposed to give this to me later, son.” She whispered. 

“Mom knew it was you who paid for it.” He answered quietly.

Ashlyn knew Ali was well aware of where the money came from to pay the bill, but she still wanted Jacob to feel like this was his moment to shine.

“It doesn’t matter who paid. You both deserve a lot of credit. Thank you so much.” Ali surrounded both of them in her arms and gave them a double hug sandwich.

“Are you gonna tell her about that guy?” Jacob asked Ali. 

The two women had learned pretty fast that Jake wanted to make sure nothing came between them. He wanted to protect them both, but also the family as a whole. In this situation he felt that keeping the incident with Jeremy a secret might lead to bigger trouble in the future.

“What guy?” Ash asked.

“My ex from high school. He was drunk. He said some dumb stuff. I ended up slapping him.”

“WHAT? Ali!” Ashlyn was not a fan of Ali being physical with someone, especially when she wasn’t around. She hates violence of any kind. But hates it even more when it involves her wife and is in front of her children.

“Ashlyn, it wasn’t like what you’re thinking. He got a little handsy. Jake and I were uncomfortable.” She looked at Jacob and he nodded to confirm her story. “And he was being so disrespectful towards me and our family. I knew he wasn’t a violent person. We were safe. I promise.”

“We’ll talk about this later. I’m just glad you’re ok.” 

Ali stepped into Ashlyn and gave her a kiss on the side of her jaw.

“Um, I’m gonna go to bed.” Jacob excused himself. 

“Smart move, son.” Ashlyn yelled over her shoulder towards her retreating son.

...

The women spent a few minutes making out in the kitchen. Afterward they both went to Jake’s room to say good night.

“Jacob, I just wanted to thank you for one of the best dates of my life. I love you. You are so special to me.” She gave him a hug and a kiss.

Ash waited for Ali to leave and then gave her son a pat on the back. “You really made her happy. And nothing makes me more happy than the people I love being happy.” She smiled. 

“You really helped me a lot, Mom. It might sound dumb, but I feel more confident and like maybe I have something more to offer. I’m glad I made Mom happy, because I love her...but it made me happy too.”

“Well, then I’m double happy tonight. I love you, son.” Ash hugged him, kissed him, and then topped it off with a high five for good measure.

...

Back in the master bedroom Ali was waiting for her wife in what Ashlyn calls her favorite outfit that she wears. Ash opened the door to find her wife wearing only a come-hither look and a devilish grin. Ali was ready to show her wife why it pays off to pursue a ‘100.’

That night Ali gave her all to her wife. There wasn’t an inch of Ashlyn’s skin that Ali didn’t taste. She went slow and steady. Her wife experienced a whole new level of pleasure. 

...

The next morning, Ashlyn finished off the rest of the left overs for breakfast, and then ate the french toast and bacon Ali made for the rest of the family. When Ali gave her a hard time about it, she told her it was all her fault. The previous night’s activities wore her out and burned a lot of calories. She needed to refuel.

Ali couldn’t deny what she said was true. It was definitely a night for the record books.


	50. What Love Does

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains mild foul language.

"Mama, look!" Sam was proud of himself and wanted his Mama's approval.

What Ashlyn saw by the oak tree in her backyard made her speechless. All she was capable of doing was laughing hysterically. Ali looked up from the book she was reading to Lexi and her eyes went wide with shock. She covered her daughter's eyes and yelled at Ashlyn.

"Ashlyn, stop laughing and cover him up!"

Ashlyn hurried toward her naked son who was using their tree as a urinal. Both he and Monster felt the need to mark their territory. To the boy it made perfect sense, but based on Ali's reaction you would think it was the worst thing in the world.

Ashlyn quickly pulled up his Superman underwear and shorts over his cute little butt. She still was unable to control her laughter. The boy joined in with her and the two were an unstoppable force of giggles. 

"Mama, I can make pictures." Sam was proud of the designs that were left on the side of the tree.

Ashlyn could not handle her youngest boy's cuteness. He pulled the front of his pants down, wanting to show her what he meant. 

"No, no, son. You shouldn't pee in the yard. Mommy's gonna flip." She covered up the exposed boy and carried him to her wife. They both gave Ali a kiss offering of penance before going back to play with Monster.

"He is crazy." Jacob was trying to smooth over Ali's state of horror.

"You didn't do that when you were his age, did you?" Ali asked. 

"I can't really remember that far back, but up until recently I peed outside all the time." He said this like it was no big deal. It was a big deal though, because up until recently he didn't have a home. He peed outside because he usually slept outside.

Ali decided maybe she wouldn't give Sam too hard of a time about relieving himself in their back yard. There were more important things in life to worry about. She would definitely address it, though, because it could end up getting him in trouble if he did it at the wrong time and place. But she would make sure to say an extra prayer of thanks that she had all of her kids under one roof and could protect them from having to face this world alone. 

Jacob interrupted Ali out of her thoughts and said, "But sometimes a boys just gotta pee outside in the open, ya know?"

No. No, Ali didn't know. "I'm just gonna have to take your word on that. It makes no sense to me at all."

...

"Babe, where did you go last night?" Ashlyn let out a yawn. 

"Lex had a bad dream. I'm surprised she didn't wake you up when she came in our room. She was crying." Ali answered.

"Why didn't you come back?" Ash asked.

"She begged me to stay with her."

"I wish you would've just brought her to our bed. I had the worst night of sleep without you." Ashlyn was reaching behind her to try and work out some of the knots in her back.

"I'm sorry, I know you're always restless when I'm not there." Ali said and moved Ashlyn's hand so that she could properly massage her back. "It was just a difficult night for her. I didn't know if moving her would have caused her to freak out."

"It's ok." Ashlyn bent down at the waist and stretched out her back, while her wife rubbed it.

"Does that feel better?" 

"Yeah, I guess." Ashlyn was still sore, but Ali's genuine concern and desire to make her feel better really did make a difference.

...

Ashlyn had both of her boys in a headlock on the living room floor. She knew she couldn't keep Jacob down for long. She didn't want to lose, but her against a wiggly 3 year old and a strong 14 year old wasn't going well for her. 

She tapped on the carpet. "Lex, tap me out."

Lexi looked at her like she was from another planet.

"Alex, tag team." Ali looked at her like she was getting exactly what she deserved. "Come on! Someone help me."

"I help you, Mama." Sam was ready for the job, even though he was supposed to be the one trying to beat her. Ashlyn loosened her grip on him and he jumped up and tackled his big brother.

Jake couldn't believe that his partner had betrayed him. "You're supposed to be helping me, man!"

Sam lifted his head up from his brother's chest and said, "I help you, Jakes." He stood up and barreled into Ashlyn's stomach. Of course Monster needed to get involved too and he started barking at the whole group.

Ali was done. The noise level and level of potential injury had gotten too high. "OOOH-KAY guys, its time for all you wrestlers to take a break." Ali lifted Sam off of her wife and sat him down on the couch. 

"Mommy, I am strong!" Sam flexed his muscles and growled.

"Yes, baby. You are super strong!" Ali gave each of his biceps a squeeze and puckered her lips. Sam leaned in and he gave her a quick peck.

Ashlyn was still laying down on the floor. She wasn't ready to get up yet. Her back was still bothering her a little bit and lying down flat on the floor made it feel better.

Unfortunately her stretching and resting time was cut short by her cell phone. Ali was already up so she got it for her. 

"I don't recognize this number, Ash." Ali said and handed the phone to her wife.

Ash looked at it. She didn't recognize it either. "If I don't know you, I don't answer." Ashlyn silenced the ring and put it in her pocket. 

"Baby, you can't do that? What if it's important? Especially as a parent....you have to answer your phone." Ali was right but Ash still didn't want to answer.

"If it's important they will leave a message." Ash looked at her phone and there was no message. "See? Not important."

Just as Ashlyn was ready to proclaim her tiny argument victory over her wife, the phone rang again.

"Or they'll call back." Ali gave her a look that said 'I told you so.'

Ash let out an exasperated sigh and answered her phone.

Ali watched her wife answer the phone. She watched her get up and walk out of the room with a serious look on her face. Ali knew something was up.

...

"Ok, I packed your medication, your toiletries, iPad, and all your chargers. I put your anxiety medicine in the front pocket, in case you need it. I was able to fit 2 dressy outfits in your carry-on, just in case. Let's see, what else?" Ali was now in super wife mode. 

Ashlyn was sitting on their bed bouncing her right leg up and down and chewing on her thumbnail. Once Ali had all of Ash's stuff ready to go she sat down next to her wife. 

"Ashlyn, I wish you would let me go with you." Ali reached for her wife's hand. 

"It's ok. It wouldn't be good to leave the kids." Ash answered. 

"My mom is going to meet you at the airport and she has the guest room all ready for you. You can use her car while you're there. She said she doesn't need it."

Ashlyn's phone call was from the District Attorney's office from a city in Florida. She was summoned to testify against her father on behalf of the state. Thankfully the courthouse she needed to go to was close to where Ali's mom and step-dad lived. Ali felt much better knowing at least someone would be looking out for her wife. 

...

Ashlyn held tight to Samuel while they waited for Ali's dad to get there. Ali had Ashlyn well fed and packed up. They were going to the airport as soon as the children's grandpa got there to watch the kids.

"Mom, can I talk to you for a minute?" Jacob tapped Ali's shoulder.

Ali gave Ash a kiss on the side of her head and left the room with Jake.

"What's up?" Ali asked.

"I want to go with Mom. I don't think she should go alone. I can help."

"Sweetheart, I know you would definitely be a big help, but your Mom would rather go alone. She even refused my help."

"I just don't think it's right for her to be alone." Jacob wanted to take care of his mom.

"I know. I hate thinking about her going by herself too, but she doesn't want any of us around her father. He's not a nice person and he tries to use people close to her to control her. That's why she turned him in in the first place, because he threatened me and your brother and sister." Ali said sadly and squeezed Jake's shoulder.

"It just isn't right. She shouldn't be alone." Jake's face was filled with sadness. He refused to look up at Ali. He felt terrible for his mother's situation. He knew how it felt to not be wanted or loved by someone who is supposed to be your biggest support. His heart couldn't handle knowing that Ashlyn would be going through that alone.

Ali let out a short breath. Took a deep breath in and said, "She will probably only be gone for maybe 2 days. I hate that I can't go with her, but part of supporting people and being strong for them is letting them process through hard things the way that's good for them. If you were with her, she would worry about you the whole time. You know her, she would want to protect you. You would want to protect her and you would both be miserable. Sometimes she needs space. I can tell you from experience that giving it to her is often really hard for me, but it's what she needs so I let her have it. Love does what's best for the other person, right?"

"Yeah." Jake agreed reluctantly.

"Come on, we don't have much more time with her until Grandpa gets here. Let's let her know how much we love her." Ali said and took Jacob's hand and went to join the rest of the family.

...

Ali played it cool while the kids were around but she completely broke down at the airport. Ashlyn had to drive and park Ali's car because there was no way Ali would be fit to drive anytime soon. Ash put an arm around Ali's shoulders and the two walked together to the ticket counter and then Ali went as far as she could before Ash had to go through security.

"I should have bought a ticket. Then I could at least sit with you until your plane leaves." Ali said.

"That's crazy. You want to spend hundreds of dollars just so we can prolong the inevitable?" Ash let out an almost sad sounding laugh. She was trying to lighten the mood but she hated being separated from Ali just as much.

"Yes! I would spend more than that!"

"You're crazy." Ashlyn put her hands around Ali's waist and pulled her close. "I love you. Thanks for everything. And try not to worry. It will probably be some quick thing and then I'll go surfing, or something."

"You really should go surfing, if you get the chance. But then come home to me as soon as you can." Ali gave her wife a kiss and put her head on her shoulder. Ashlyn held her tight, trying to take in all the strength from her that she could. Ashlyn knew that she would need it.

"Alright babe, it's time. I love you so much! Tell the kids I said good-bye and that I love them, too."

"You already told them that when we left the house, but I will tell them again." Ali reassured her.

"Thank you."Ash was starting to feel reality sink in and she needed to hold it together so she gave Ali one more hug and kiss and told her not to rush but to wait in the car until she felt ok to drive.

Ali sobbed into her steering wheel for 15 minutes before she headed home.

...

Ali's Mom was just an older version of Ali. She took good care of Ashlyn. She made sure she ate and checked on her if she seemed down. She did her best. But it wasn't the same.

Ashlyn never imagined that her Grandmother would be there. When she saw her she gave her a hug and a sad smile. She texted Ali and told her she was feeling better already just knowing that her Grandma would be there with her.

Once the proceedings started her positive outlook changed. Her Grandmother was there to DEFEND her father. Ashlyn was there to testify AGAINST him. It seemed that the two women were on opposing sides.

"Ali, why would she do this?" Ashlyn was half crying, half screaming.

"Baby, you need to calm down. Maybe you need to take some of your medicine."

"She came here to stick up for that bastard. I hate her!"

"Ashlyn, you do not hate her. You're angry. You really need to calm down. Please just take some breaths." Ali was worried her wife was going to have an anxiety attack.

"She's the one who told me she was proud of me for standing up to him and calling the police, and now she's here and she's probably gonna tell the judge I don't know what I'm talking about or that I deserved whatever he did to me." Ashlyn wasn't being rational.

"Ashlyn, please! You need to stop getting yourself all worked up. Your Grandma would never say those things. She is probably trying to help him because he is her son. You know what it's like to be a parent. You want to be there for your children and protect them."

"Yeah well, I thought that she would want to do that for me too." Ash said sadly. "I gotta go."

Before Ali could object, her side of the conversation was met with dead air. Ashlyn had hung up on her.

Ali had decided right then and there that she was going to purchase the first ticket she could that would get her to her wife. She had to let the Spirit know that she would miss at least one day of practice, but hopefully she would be back for the game that weekend. She knew all along that Ashlyn needed her. She should have put her foot down. But she wanted to let Ash have her way. Even Jacob knew better. Why didn't she listen to her gut?

...

Ali took a red eye flight and then a taxi but she made it to her Mom's house before breakfast. Her Mom knew she was coming and had a small breakfast waiting for her. Ali didn't want to be rude but she declined and went right away to her sleeping wife.

Ali could tell that Ashlyn was restless, even in her sleep. She didn't want to startle her. She didn't even want to wake her. She just wanted to hold her. She kicked off her shoes, pulled back the covers and nuzzled up behind her wife. She hugged her securely from behind. It seemed like her tight back muscles were loosening up. She may have been imagining it, but it felt like Ashlyn relaxed at her touch.

She knew she had made the right decision.

...

Today was the day that Ashlyn would be called on the stand. She was nervous, but now she had the option of meeting Ali's beautiful eyes whenever she got scared. Ali's golden brown eyes always provided a calm sanctuary for Ash to run to.

Ash took a few deep breaths and gave her testimony. Her Father's attorney only had a few questions for her. His objective was to prove that Ashlyn didn't really know what her father was up to so she wasn't a credible witness. He didn't say anything against Ashlyn's character or anything like that. He just wanted her testimony thrown out. 

The DA used her as a way to get the jury's sympathy to convict her Father, a man that the DA described as an abusive dead beat father. Ashlyn didn't say all of that. But when she was asked questions she did answer honestly.

The defense attorney used Ashlyn's grandmother to try to humanize her father. It was all a manipulative game, Ashlyn thought. She felt like she was being put through hell so that the two sides could go back and forth and try to convince the jurors of whatever angle they were selling. She hated it.

Ashlyn just wanted to go home.

...

After Ashlyn was done giving her testimony she left with her wife. She knew there was a small possibility that she might be called back to testify again, but she figured she was willing to risk the few hundred dollars it would cost for another plane ticket. She was ready to take Ali home to their children. 

She left without saying goodbye to her Grandmother. Ali knew her wife would regret it. But what could she do? She asked her to change her mind, but Ashlyn just wanted to leave it all behind.

...

Three days had passed and Ashlyn's Grandma had called her every day, sometimes more than once. Every time Ashlyn saw her Grandmother's number she ignored it. She wasn't ready to talk to her. Ali finally answered for her.

They talked for a short amount of time, but long enough for Ali to get the gist of why Ashlyn's Grandma stood up for her son. It never had anything to do with Ash. She didn't even know she was summoned to appear until she saw her there. Ali promised that she would try to get Ashlyn to hear her side of the story, but made no promises about how she would take it.

...

"Alex, it's bullshit! All of it. He deserves to rot in hell for what he's done. I don't care what anyone says. If you are going to stand up for a man who did what he did to me and my brother when we were little kids, then there is no place in my life for you!" Ashlyn was furious and Ali was glad the kids weren't home.

Ashlyn found a picture of her Grandma hanging on the wall and punched it. She picked up the broken pieces of the frame and glass and threw it in the trash.

"Ashlyn, please stop. I know you're angry and you have every right to be, but you're scaring me. I just need you to calm down."

Ashlyn did her best to do what Ali asked. She tried to focus on her breathing. She took her anti-anxiety medicine. She tried to focus on something else but all she could think about was her Grandmother's betrayal. 

Once Ash had calmed down enough to listen, Ali had her sit at the kitchen table. She played a message on her phone that Ash's Grandmother recorded specifically for Ashlyn.

Ali pushed play and put it on speaker. Ash's Grandmother's voice and heart could be heard clearly.

"Ashlyn, my sweet angel. I would never try to hurt you on purpose. I didn't know you were going to be there. A lawyer called me and asked if I would testify that your father had a longtime problem with drug addiction. They did tell me that it might help him get less time in prison, but it was the truth. I only went there to tell the truth. I am sorry, my sweet girl, for how it must have seemed. I would never have agreed to it if I thought you would be upset by it. Please forgive me. I love you and your brother more than anyone else on this earth. I hope you know that."

Ashlyn cleared her throat and looked at the hand she used to punch her grandmother's picture."Maybe I shouldn't have done that." She said still staring at her red knuckles.

"Babe, it's ok. We can get another picture." Ali tried to comfort her.

"Yeah, I meant maybe I shouldn't have been so mean to her."

"She will forgive you before you even ask."

"Probably." Ashlyn wiped at her runny nose with the top of her battered hand. "I messed up. Why do I do that?"

"You're angry at your Dad, and for good reason. Some of it just spilled out a little."

"A little?" Ashlyn questioned and then held up her hand to show Ali that her anger actually 'spilled out' a lot.

"I suck!" Ash continued.

"That's not true. You're wonderful."

"It's true! Why do I let him control me? Even when he's not trying. My life is great. I'm truly happy. I have a perfect wife and awesome kids. I get to do what I love. Why do I give him control over my happiness? I suck!"

"You don't suck! You just had a bad day...a couple bad days." Ali pulled her wife toward her and put their foreheads together. "Now, your perfect wife thinks you should call Grandma and let her know what you thought of her message. I bet she will be really glad to hear from you."

Ashlyn grabbed her phone and called the woman who fought to raise her. She apologized for her behavior and thanked her for not giving up on her, even though she felt like she deserved it.

Her Grandmother answered...

"My sweet girl, I will always forgive you. I will always fight for you. Because that's what love does."


	51. Heroic Acts

"Mama, why is that mommy so mean to that boy?" Lexi laced her fingers with Ashlyn's and pointed to a woman and her son in the aisle next to them.

The family made a quick stop at a pharmacy to pick up an allergy prescription for Jacob. They were roaming through the aisles waiting for it to be filled when Ash and Lexi came across a very angry mother and a boy about Lexi's age. 

Both the boy and his mom were disrespectful and unkind to one another. Ashlyn would describe the women as abusive. She didn't blame the boy for his misbehavior because he obviously learned it from his mother. She considered saying something but with Lexi by her side she decided against it.

"It's sad, Lex." Ashlyn answered. "But that's how some people treat each other."

Ashlyn decided to avoid them and go to the other side of the store.

...

Jacob and Samuel were throwing squishy little balls at each other in the toy aisle. Sam never realized how much fun a big brother could be until Jake came into their lives. Ever since his arrival the two boys have been the kings of mischief.

...

Ali was by herself waiting in line for Jake's medicine. The policy at the pharmacy was that if you left your spot in line your order gets skipped. So Ali decided to take one for the team and suffer the long line alone, while her family browsed the store.

...

The family had looked at just about everything in the small store. Some things they stopped and perused twice. They especially spent a lot of time in the candy and toy aisles. They were just about to look at the magazines again when Ashlyn heard the familiar voice of her wife.

"Shame on you for speaking to your child that way!" Ashlyn knew exactly who her wife was talking to.

Ashlyn quickly located her boys and told Jake to watch his younger siblings. She followed the arguing voices and found Ali still waiting in line speaking to the angry women whom Lexi had asked about earlier. The woman and her son were in the back of the line and Ali was towards the front.

Ashlyn shook her head. Of course Ali wouldn't be able to stand by and let someone treat a child unkindly.

The woman was yelling at Ali, telling her to mind her own business. Ashlyn slid beside her wife and put a hand around her waist. Ali can take care of herself, but it doesn't hurt to have a little back up.

The woman immediately changed her tone when she saw Ashlyn staring back at her. She didn't say a word, but it was enough to shut the woman up. Ali decided to drop it and turned around to face the front of the line. She leaned into Ashlyn and dipped her head on her shoulder.

"That woman was being awful to her son. I couldn't take it anymore." Ali explained.

"Lex and I overheard her earlier. We just avoided them. I wanted to say something but didn't want to upset Lex." 

"Parents like that are the worst!" Ali paid for Jake's medicine and held onto Ashlyn's hand as they walked away. She didn't acknowledge the unkind mother. She just walked right past her.

...

 

Ali was bothered about the woman from the pharmacy and her child all day. She felt like there was more that could have been done but she honestly didn't know what that was.

"Ashlyn, you said you heard that lady treat her son poorly at the pharmacy, right?" Ali asked.

"Where did that come from?" Ash thought that was a little random, considering the situation happened hours ago.

"I don't know. I've been thinking about it ever since. I feel like I wish we could have done more. Why didn't you say anything? It's not like you're shy?" Ali wasn't reprimanding her wife, she was just wondering why she chose not to say anything.

"I guess I figured it might turn into something that would upset Lex. And honestly, it probably would have made things worse for the kid. I doubt that woman would be open to change." Ashlyn honestly answered.

"Yeah, you're probably right." Ali let out a discouraged sigh.

"What's wrong, babe?"

"I just feel like I wish there was more we could do. Especially concerning our kids, ya know? Like I want them to know why it's important to choose to be kind and encouraging. I don't like all this mean stuff. You know that little boy from today will probably end up being a jerk when he grows up unless someone steps into his life and shows him a better way. What can we do to show our kids a better way?"

...

The women had discussed exactly what they would do to show their children a better way. They decided that they would first, be an example of kindness through their speech and actions and second, they would create opportunities for their family to put into practice what they've been preaching.

...

Two days later the family had a special family day planned that would hopefully help teach them all a valuable lesson about making a difference and caring for one another.

Ashlyn started the day with a pep talk. "Ok guys, if you could be a super hero, what power would you want to have?"

"Fly!" Sam said an held out his arms and hurled himself into Ashlyn.

"Be invisible. Cuz then I could sneak up on people." Lexi answered. 

Jake thought this game was dumb but answered anyway, "Be super strong, I guess."

"Strong like me!" Sam said and flexed for his brother.

Ashlyn answered them, "Alright, those are all pretty good powers, I suppose. But what if I told you that everyone has at least one super power always available to them?"

Jacob rolled his eyes and Sam got really quite. Samuel always thought of himself as a superhero so he took all this talk very seriously.

"We all have the super power of kindness within us." Ashlyn whispered, making it sound extra top secret and important.

Ali decided to add her thoughts before they shared in more detail what the day had in store for them.

"Remember that mean lady who kept saying those things that hurt her son's feelings when we were at the pharmacy the other day?" She asked.

All the kids nodded. "Just like that woman we have chances everyday to either be kind or unkind." She looked at Sam and added "the word 'kind' means to be nice and 'unkind' means to be mean to someone." 

Sammy let out an "Ohhh" of understanding.

Ali gave the floor back to her wife. 

"We have opportunities every day to do something that can really help someone. But most of the time we don't notice them. Today we're gonna think up some kind things we can do and then we're gonna do them. It's that easy." Ash explained.

"So, my very handsome and beautiful superheroes, let's start with some people you want to show kindness too." Ali added and then took out a pen and paper to make a list.

"I'm gonna put Grandpa on here." Ali said. "How about you, babe?" 

Ashlyn smiled, "Umm how about our team? Yeah, let's put them on there." 

"Ok. How about you, Jake? Who do you want to be kind to?" Ali asked.

"I don't know. I can't think of anyone, right now."

"We'll skip you and come back." Ash said.

Ali asked Lexi and she answered, "My teacher at daycare."

"That's a really good one, Lex!" Ali cheered. Samuel saw how excited his Mommy got and wanted to get some of those cheers for himself.

"Mommy, I know someone!" He said.

"Who's that, baby?"

"Monster!" He proclaimed. Lex and Jake laughed at him but both his parents thought it was a great idea.

"Alright, I'm gonna write Monster's name down. It's always important to be kind to animals. Good job, Sammy."

Ashlyn turned to Jacob, "It's all you now, dude."

"Um, well...how about the kids at the shelter? I stayed there a few nights and it was kinda scary. Maybe we could do something to show them someone cares about them. I don't know what, though." Jacob took a breath and slowly let it out. He figured it was a stupid idea. 

His mothers didn't cheer. They both looked at him with pride. He understands. He's using his experiences in life to find a way to help those in a similar situation. He was at the beginning of turning his tragedy into triumph. 

"That's a great idea, son. I'm proud of you. We absolutely should and will do that." Ashlyn finally spoke up.

Phase 1 of the day complete.

...

Phase 2

The family made cupcakes for the Spirit teammates and Lex's teacher. Ali bought her dad a certificate to get his car washed and detailed. The kids drew pictures, wrote letters and went shopping for little gifts that they could give to the kids at the homeless shelter. Jacob went from disinterest to passionate. He found something he cared about and he set the pace for the rest of the family.

"Mom, we can get some art stuff for the kids. Can we get these coloring books and markers?" Jake asked.

"Go for it, dude." Ashlyn said and then whispered to her wife, "This is gonna cost us a fortune, but it's worth every penny."

"Yup." Ali answered and then gave her wife a kiss on the cheek.

"Mama, that lady dropped her purse and I helped her pick it up." Lexi was proud of her heroic gesture.

"Good job, Lex. Did you make her smile?"

"Yeah, she was really glad." Lex smiled.

The family seemed to have made a lot of progress and the two women were beyond proud of them.

...

Phase 3

The third and final phase of their day was to put into action their acts of kindness. Ali and Ash had discussed beforehand that they weren't only going to fulfill the kind acts they had planned but also look for spontaneous ways to be kind, as well. 

They really wanted their kids to see that there are opportunities all around them to do something great. Even if it's just one person, kindness matters and it's truly important.

The family dropped off the items at the shelter and Jacob hugged both his moms, with tears welling up in his eyes. 

"Thanks." He said. Helping others made him feel like he really could make a difference after all.

On their way home they stopped at a Chinese restaurant to pick up dinner. Ali noticed the woman taking their order seemed overwhelmed. She met the woman's eyes with a smile. 

"You're doing a great job. It seems really busy today." She said.

The woman looked at her like she was probably the first person to actually acknowledge her that day. Ali had no way of knowing, but she was the only order the cashier took during her shift that showed her any kind of interest. Ali watched the woman change from overwhelmed and unhappy to feeling grateful and appreciated.

She shared her experience with her family to show them how even a smile and a kind word can be heroic these days. 

Samuel grabbed Lexi's hand and told her he would help her across the street. In 3 year old talk that means he would protect her while they walked from the restaurant to their car.

Ash and Ali saw their kids do these little things that showed they really were getting it. Kindness was going to be an official Krieger-Harris family mission from now on.

Mission Accomplished.

...

Ashlyn and Ali tucked in the youngest kids and said good night to the oldest. They had been asleep for almost an hour when Ashlyn felt a tiny three year old finger tapping on her forehead.

"Mama, we forgot Monster!" Sam sounded heart broken.

"Huh?" Ash answered.

"To be kind to Monster!" He answered.

"Ok." Ash closed her eyes.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

"What, Sam-Bam?!" Ash answered her son's tapping, still half asleep.

"We didn't get Monster a present." He was really upset that his best friend was forgotten.

Ali rolled over and put a hand on Sam's back. 

"Sammy, I bought him a big bone to chew on. We will give it to him in the morning, ok?" Thank God Ali remembered.

"Ok, Mommy." 

Sam stepped on Ashlyn's stomach, climbed off the bed, and went to his room a happy boy, giggling with excitement. He was looking forward to seeing how happy Monster was going to be in the morning.

Ashlyn grabbed her gut and rolled into her wife. "I love you for remembering about that dang dog." 

Ali pulled her close and said, "I love you for being the one our son jumps on when he visits us in the middle of the night."

They both shared a laugh and a smile. What better way to end a perfect day than in the arms of the one you love.


	52. Grudge Match

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took forever to write. I'm blaming it on the cold medication I'm taking and the fact that I took short naps in between sections. Also because of all the words. There's a lot of them in this one.
> 
> Forgive me if none of this makes sense, I might be high.

"Toby, come slide!" Samuel, Lexi, and Ashlyn were playing in the back yard on a slip-n-slide Ash made out of trash bags, soap and water.

Tobin and Alex were visiting the family before the Spirit vs Thorns game that evening. 

Ali was trying to get all the current gossip from the women but Sam was getting impatient. He had a serious crush on Tobin and his Mommy was keeping her from giving him attention.

The boy frustratingly stomped up to his Mommy and used both hands to push Ali in the butt. 

"Mommy, stop talking. I want Toby." He was not a happy camper.

Tobin couldn't help but laugh. Alex giggled, as well. She thought Sam's crush was cute, even though it often meant he completely ignored her.

Ali tried hard not to laugh. They didn't want to encourage this kind of behavior, even though they thought it was cute. The three women didn't seem to mind the boy's mini tantrum.

Ashlyn, on the other hand, was not amused. She walked up behind Samuel and picked him up and carried him straight to the time-out chair. 

"Sam, you do not push Mommy! You do not talk to her like that, either." Ashlyn didn't take disrespecting her wife lightly.

"But Mama, I want Toby to play!" Sam whined.

"She will play with you, but you need to be patient. There is never an excuse for you to hit Mommy!"

"Woah, Ash is strict." Tobin whispered to Alex and Ali.

"Only about certain things." Ali explained.

Ashlyn knelt down in front of her son and laid down the law. "You're gonna sit here in time-out until I come get you. And then you're going to tell Mommy you're sorry."

The little boy had tears in his eyes and shook his head yes, signaling that he understood. She gave him a hug and kiss and told him that she loved him. 

The time-out routine always included Ashlyn or Ali telling the child in trouble that they loved them and they made sure to show them affection. They wanted their discipline to be associated with love and not anger.

Ashlyn left the boy to cry and went to talk to her wife. She didn't want to look at the sad boy in fear she would lose her resolve. 

Ali put an arm around Ashlyn's waist and gave her a little squeeze. "You ok, babe?"

"As long as I don't see his sad little face, I think I can hold out for a couple minutes." Ash answered.

Alex butted in, "You talk a big game but that child has you wrapped around his finger."

"All our kids do." Ali said and then she corrected herself, "I do too." Ali gave her wife a knowing smile. She spoke the truth. Ashlyn couldn't deny that.

"He just needs to learn he can't treat you like that." Ashlyn found her resolve again. "He's cute but no one treats my wife like that."

If it wasn't for the fact that the back yard was full of people Ali would have taken her wife right then and there. She was smitten by her wife's respect for her.

Ash looked at her watch and decided Sam had suffered long enough. Ali watched her return to their youngest son and whisper something in his ear. He immediately reached out for her. She held him close and reassured him of her unchangeable love for him.

She carried him over to Ali and he spoke in almost a whisper "I sorry, Mommy. I love you." 

Ali took the boy from her wife's arms. "I forgive you, baby. I love you too." Sam needed a moment with Ali, so she carried him away from their visitors and let him cuddle up close to her for a while until he was ready to play again.

"He's our sensitive child." Ash informed Alex and Tobin. "He's so sweet and tender, mixed with a lot of energy and a little wild." Ashlyn laughed.

"Lex is our dramatic one who likes to set everyone straight. So, basically Ali's mini-me." Ash couldn't help but chuckle.

"And then Jake is our strong and quiet one." She finished.

"When are we gonna meet this kid? I cried when Tobin told me his story and how it just seemed meant to be for you guys to find each other." Alex asked.

"He's with Ali's Dad today. He wanted to play soccer like us. So Ken takes him 3 times a week and runs through drills with him. And that's on top of his team practices that he has 4 times a week." Ashlyn said.

"It sounds like he was made for this family." Tobin finally spoke.

"He definitely was." Ash smiled, thinking of her sweet Jacob.

...

Tobin and Sam were finally reunited. Tobin hurled Sam down the slip-n-slide, causing the boy to break out into uncontrollable laughter. Ali had taken Lexi inside to clean up and change. She had gotten too ‘dirty’ in her opinion and needed to look her best for her aunt Alex.

“So,” Alex motioned toward Tobin and Sam, “is your other son gong to ignore me too?”

Ashlyn watched as Samuel wrestled with Tobin on the soapy surface. “Nah, I think you might actually be more his type. I think he’s more into dark brunettes, someone like Ali. The first two times we spoke, he mentioned how hot she was.” Ashlyn laughed, “I’m sure he looks at her a bit differently now but he still regards her very highly. So, you never know.”

“Thank goodness!” Alex laughed. “Maybe one of your sons will actually acknowledge me!”

“You know we love having you guys here, but you don’t have to spend all your time with us whenever we play each other. I feel like we might be cramping your childless, single life-style.” Ashlyn figured the two women might like to do something a little more fun, instead of hanging out at their house and playing with their kids.

“What are you talking about? We love being here. You guys are like family, and we love your kids even more than we love you. Besides, it’s good for Tobin to get a taste of the domesticated life....” Alex trailed off and sighed. Tobin moved too slow in her opinion when it came to making big relationship decisions. 

“You want her to settle down right now?” Ash asked.

“I want her to stop over thinking every detail and just talk to me about it. She wants everything to be perfect before she makes a move. When in reality, her making the move will make everything perfect.” 

“Hold up!” Ashlyn needed Alex to slow down. “Are you saying you want her to propose or start a family?”

“Honesty,” Alex got really quiet. “I’m ready for both. But at least let’s make things official and build a home and then down the road a family.”

“Have you told her this?” 

“I mean, yeah I guess. You know her. She takes forever to make a move. I waited for a year before I just decided to ask her out myself. I’d never asked anyone out before, but I knew we would get no where if I waited on her. Even after she said she would go out with me, she said she had to think about whether she should kiss me or not. She said she didn’t want to ruin anything. I felt like smacking her...and then I kissed her. I can’t be the one making all the important moves. This one’s on her. I need to know that she really does want to be with me.” Alex finally took a breath.

 

“Of course she wants to be with you, she’s just extra careful with things that are important to her. And you’re the thing that she loves the most, give her a little time.” Ashlyn knew from talking to Tobin recently that she was planning to propose and on buying a house with Alex, but she couldn’t tell Alex that. That news was Tobin’s to share.

“I don’t know. I just don’t want to force anything on her. She needs to make this decision because she wants it and not because she thinks I want it. And I’m tired of waiting for her to figure it out.” 

Alex was frustrated. Both her and Tobin had endured the long distance and uncertainty that Tobin’s adventurous and free spirit often led too. Alex was worried that the woman she was ready to settle down with wasn’t ever going to be happy with living a ‘boring’ normal married life. She was even more worried that Tobin would agree to it and be unhappy because more than anything she wanted Alex to be happy.

Both women were interrupted by Ali and Lex. Right away Lexi grabbed Alex’s hand and asked if she wanted to paint her nails. The little girl brought a smile back to Alex’s face.

...

The Spirit won another last minute nail biter. Their playoff hopes were still alive. The Thorns were also still fighting for a post season showing, as well. Ashlyn had watched the game from the stands. Her and the kids had a front row seat to all the action. Ali headed over to her family right after the final whistle.

“Hey baby, make sure Jake meets the girls.” Ali reminded her wife that Alex and Tobin really wanted to see him.

“Obviously, Alex.” Ash was a little snippy with her wife. 

Watching these games always made her have mixed emotions. She was happy for her team, especially her wife, but she really missed playing. Her disappointment was obvious to Ali.

“Ok. Thank you.” Ali just dropped it for now. She took Sam in her arms and carried him halfway to Tobin and let him run the rest. He was too excited to wait on her to carry him over to her at normal speed.

Jacob gave Lex a piggy back ride to the field and followed Ashlyn to Alex and Tobin. He was nervous about meeting people who seemed really interested in him. The extra attention was unsettling to him. He would much rather let Sam get all the extra focus from the ladies.

“Hey guys, this is Jake.” Ash put an arm around his shoulders and he lowered himself a little so his sister could get off his back.

“Jake, this is Tobin and Alex. They’re really good friends of ours’. We go way back.” Alex put out her hand to shake and the boy nervously shook it. Tobin gave him a fist bump.

Both women knew he was a little quiet and shy so Alex decided to break the ice. “We’ve heard a lot of really great things about you, Jake. Your parents say you’re an amazing boy.”

“Um, thanks.” Jacob answered. 

Ashlyn pulled Jake into her for a side hug trying to reduce some of his nerves. “We are so proud of this guy!” Ash said and a small smile started to creep up on Jake’s face.

...

The family invited Tobin and Alex out for dinner after the game. Ashlyn handed her wife her keys and asked, “Babe, give me your keys.”

“What? Why?” Ali was confused.

Ashlyn put a hand on Ali’s arm and leaned in to whisper in her ear, “I need to have a talk with Tobin alone. You take Alex and the kids and we’ll meet you there.” 

Ali’s interest peaked. “What do you know?”

Ashlyn couldn’t help but laugh. Her wife loved gossip. “Alex just mentioned some stuff about settling down. Tobin needs to be a little more vocal about her long term intentions before Alex goes crazy.”

Ali smiled and shook her head. “Why do people always tell you all the juicy stuff?”

“Why does it matter? I always end up telling you, anyway.” Ash laughed and then gave Ali a pat on her butt.

Ali couldn’t argue with that. She did love to be in the know of all the inside information, and her wife has provided a lot of access to her over the years.

...

“So Tobin, I spoke to Alex today about you.” Ashlyn didn’t have time to beat around the bush. “She said you are taking too long to confirm your desire to settle down with her.”

“What? She said that?” Tobin seemed flustered.

“Yeah, sorry to be so blunt about it. But she said that she didn’t want to push you into anything, but she needs to know that you want her in your life long term.”

“Well, that sucks!” Tobin threw both hands up in frustration.

“What?” Ash was surprised by Tobin’s response.

“I want to propose, but I don’t want her to think I’m doing it because she wants me too. Now because she told you and you told me what she said, she is gonna think that’s the only reason I’m doing it.”

Tobin pulled something out of her bag. She opened the black velvet box and revealed a diamond ring.

“I bought this like 3 months ago. I’m totally down to marry the girl. I just want the moment to be perfect.” 

“Wow, nice ring, Tobs. That thing is huge!" If it was Ali driving and experiencing the ring reveal the two women would have crashed for sure. The overload of information and fine gems would have put her into a hysterical celebration.

“Look dude, she basically said that she thought you might be waiting for everything to be perfect but you doing it would be what made everything perfect.” 

Tobin couldn’t believe how well Alex knew her. “Hmm. She really said that?”

“Yeah, almost word for word.” Ash confirmed.

The two pulled into the restaurant parking lot and couldn’t continue their conversation, but enough was said to get the ball rolling in the right direction. Tobin had some things to think about. Hopefully she wouldn’t take too long thinking about it.

...

Tobin had Sam in her lap for most of dinner. Ali was exploding from the seams wanting to know how Ashlyn’s conversation with Tobin went. The group had gone to a sports bar that had a separate dining area, as well. The place was covered with televisions all over the walls. Jake was quiet most of the time and Tobin noticed him watching a sports news show talking about Lebron James returning to his home team.

“You a Lebron fan?” Tobin asked Jacob, nodding up at the tv.

“Yeah, I guess. I never thought he would go back to Cleveland, though. They like burned his jersey and the owner was kind of a jerk.” This was the most he had spoken all dinner.

“Yeah, I read about that. I loved what he said in the article he wrote for Sports Illustrated to explain his decision. He basically said ‘Who am I to hold a grudge?’ “ Tobin could see that those words didn’t mean much to the teenage boy. 

So she continued, “It’s like he saw that he’s not perfect either. He has made mistakes and he decided to let go of his anger and unforgiveness and live the life that would bring him and his family the most happiness.”

By this time everyone’s attention was on Tobin and Jacob’s conversation. Tobin was about to speak some deep truths and the adults didn’t want to miss it.

“Yeah, but how does someone do that? Just stop being angry and forgive someone?” Jacob was personally very interested in this answer. He had his own anger and unforgiveness to deal with.

“I think it has more to do with the ‘forgiver’ than the one who needs forgiven.” Tobin answered.

Ashlyn leaned in and Ali put her hand on her wife’s back.

“What do you mean?” Jake asked.

“Forgiveness releases the forgiver of the burden they’ve been carrying. Forgiveness means freedom. Even if the person in the wrong never seeks out forgiveness, that weight needs to be dropped, man. It just needs to be let go.” Tobin the philosopher was dropping truth bombs today.

She looked around and saw that everyone’s attention was on her. She knew this was an important moment for some of them and she wanted to make sure she spoke carefully. 

“There’s a difference between forgiveness and letting someone get away with hurting you or someone else. You gotta put up boundaries or do whatever you can to protect yourself and those you care about.  
But unforgiveness gives the offender control over you. You don’t have to put yourself in a position for them to keep hurting you, but you should always try to take control back and let go of what has been continuing to bring you pain. Until you do that the person who hurt you will always have power over you."

Ashlyn interjected, "But how do you do that? That's what happened to me when I went to testify against my dad. It was like he was controlling me because I was so angry. So how do you stop letting people have the control?"

Tobin gave her girlfriend a look and warned her that she was going to use her as an example. Alex was worried she might reveal some forgotten fight they had or something. She couldn't think of anything significant that might apply to this situation.

"Let's say that maybe I do something really stupid or something that might hurt Alex. Maybe I don't even know that I'm doing it, but it still hurts her. She can either forgive me and let our love fill the hurt or hold on to it and let it cause even more pain than the original wound."

Alex gave Tobin a little smile. She really loved this woman.

Tobin continued, "Now, I think there are some wounds that we have to carry with us, but we have the power to fill those cuts with love and good things, like our loved ones," Tobin gestured towards Alex and then gave Sam a little hug, "and with focusing on all the good stuff in our lives that maybe we don't even feel like we deserve." Tobin looked at Alex again, letting her know that she is the 'good stuff' in her life she doesn't deserve.

Tobin felt comfortable enough with Ashlyn to be more direct with her and thought it might also be helpful for Jacob to hear too.

"I know you went through some pretty rough stuff, Ash. But look around you. I say maybe one day you can forgive your dad by filling up the hurt with these guys here." Tobin gestured towards Ali and the kids. "You can definitely see how whatever brought you to this place, whether good or bad, it brought you to a really great place. This is your life, dude. And it's beautiful. That doesn't excuse the people who hurt you, but it does release you from having to visit the past and hold onto that pain and live in this awesome place instead."

Ashlyn was tearing up. Jacob noticed and wanted to say something to offer her some comfort. He said the first thing that came to his mind, and it was the absolute best thing he could have said.

"Maybe if it wasn't for all that stuff, you wouldn't have adopted me." He could have said she wouldn't have adopted all three kids but he promised to hold on to that secret until the younger ones were old enough to understand.

Ashlyn turned to her son and couldn't believe how simple it all became. Her family was the proof that she was free from the junk she went through as a kid. But she was the one that kept visiting that place. She was finally ready to forgive and let it go.

Ali was ready to burst into tears. Her wife and son had more strength than she could ever imagine.

Ashlyn broke the awkward sentimental moment with a joke. She wiped her eyes and said "Geeze Tobin, I didn't know we were gonna get a sermon today!"

The adults and Jake laughed it off and went back to playing with the kids and having fun.

After dinner they all said their good-byes and Ali drove the two Portland Thorn players to their hotel.

Once Alex and Tobin left Ali's car and made their way into the hotel, Tobin stopped her girlfriend from opening their room door.

"Hold up a second." Tobin said. Alex had a surprised look on her face.

"I just wanted to tell you that I want what Ash and Ali have. And I want that with you. I have a plan. But you're gonna have to wait a little longer. I promise that it will be worth it, though."

Alex didn't know whether to strangle or hug Ashlyn for talking to Tobin about their private conversation. But she had to admit it did make her feel a lot better knowing that Tobin wanted the same things she did.

...

On the way home in Ashlyn's Jeep Jacob leaned over and said, "So Mom, are all your friends hot lesbians, or what?"

Ashlyn exploded in laughter. 

"Dude, you are too much!"

Yeah, Tobin was right. Ashlyn's life turned out pretty great. There was no arguing that.

Who was she to hold a grudge?


	53. Crazy in Love

Ashlyn heard a quiet knock on the door. She was sleeping in on this particular morning because she was up late helping Ali's Dad design a tree house for the kids. Once the two got going they really got into it. They came up with lots of great ideas, like a secret escape exit including a rope ladder that can be raised and lowered.

They planned for a few secret compartments where they could stash their treasures. Sam already had a nice size collection of rocks he's found in the back yard and on several trips to the beach. There would be a small closet for Lex to keep a few different outfits and a drawer for her jewelry. They designed a shelving unit that could hold all types of stuff, with one entire shelf made out of an aquarium. They figured Sam and Jake could put something fun in there, maybe a snake or lizard. Ashlyn imagined the lower shelf being filled with jars for Sam's bug collection. This was only a fragment of what the two had thought up, which explains why they were up so late.

Ashlyn was only semi-sleeping. She was mid yawn when she heard her oldest son knocking on the door.

"Come in." Ashlyn half yawned.

"Sorry to wake you." Jake apologized as soon as he saw Ash was still under the covers and blurry eyed.

"I was working on waking up. You didn't wake me. What's up?"

"Uh, can I use your bathroom? Lex is in the one downstairs and Sam is doing something in our bathroom."

"Doing something...Doing what?" Ash was a little worried about whatever trouble her littlest guy was up too.

"He's on his step-stool at the sink and mixing stuff. It's a mess in there."

"Yeah, do whatever you gotta do. I'll take care of the Bamster."

...

"Samuel Christopher!" Ashlyn didn't exactly yell, but her tone and volume couldn't be mistaken.

"Oops." The guilty little boy said with bubbles coming out of his mouth. He was standing on his stool in front of the sink in nothing but his Avengers underwear.

"What in the world are you doing?" Ash asked.

"Mama, I sci-tist!" He meant scientist.

"Did you eat soap?" When she first saw the boy he was trying to rinse his mouth out.

"Mama, it doesn't taste like candy." The boy spit out the remaining bubbles and made a 'yucky' face. The scent of the soap was cotton candy and the 3 year old figured that's what it tasted like.

Ashlyn couldn't help but smile. "What about all the toothpaste on the mirror?"

"I artist." Ash couldn't argue with that.

"What do ya got going on in the cup?" Ash picked up Jake's rinse cup for brushing his teeth and Sam must have filled it with multiple liquids found on the sink counter and bathtub. 

"My conction." Sam said, as if Ashlyn was crazy to even ask.

"Your concoction?" Ashlyn corrected his pronunciation.

"Secret potion." Sam-Bam clarified.

"Did you put Jake's deodorant on your belly?" Ashlyn pointed to the boy's stomach that had a messy white stripe across it.

"Yeee-up! I smell like Jakes." The boy said with a grin.

"Okay." Ashlyn was done trying to get a rational explanation from her 3 year old. "I think it's time for a bath, Bam."

"Mama, no!" He tried to run past Ashlyn, but he couldn't escape her reach. She grabbed him and wrestled him until he stilled in her arms. 

He ended up having a great time playing with his toy boats in the bathtub and splashing Ashlyn. Ashlyn made sure to take a picture of Sam and the 'artistic/scientific' remains of his fun so she could show her wife his 'talent.'

...

 

Ash carried both Sam and Monster down to breakfast. She greeted her wife with a kiss and let Sam give her one too.

"Hey, there. You guys took a while to wake up." Ali was trying to give her wife a hard time for being lazy.

"Not really." Ashlyn took out her phone and showed the proof to her wife. "We've been up for a while. Someone has even had a bath already."

"That's me!" Sam wanted to make sure his Mommy knew he was nice and clean.

"Wow." That's all Ali could say in response to her son's destruction of the children's shared bathroom.

"We cleaned it up. Don't worry. I didn't leave a mess up there for you." Ashlyn read her wife's mind. Ali was already imagining how long it was going to take her to clean it.

"Thank you." Ali gave Ash another kiss. Usually in these types of situations they would tag team the cleaning. One would take the child and the other would clean the mess. It wasn't too surprising that Ashlyn would take care of it and not bother her wife, but Ali didn't let Ashlyn's thoughtful act of love go unnoticed.

Ali finished her kiss off by saying, "I love you, too." The two women often answered with 'I love you, too' to let the other know that they appreciate the practical every day things they do for the other because they care. Sometimes this might include something as small as washing the dishes, or putting the kids to bed alone so the other can have some quiet time, or filling the other's car with gas. All of these little actions added up to a lot of love and a happy marriage.

"We need to do an inventory of the kids' bathroom before we go to the store today. Our little artistic scientist wiped out a lot of stuff." Ashlyn informed her wife.

Ali brought both Ashlyn and Sam a plate and sat down to sit with them while they ate.

"I think Jacob's getting sick. One of us needs to take him to the doctor." Ali said.

"Is he too sick for practice?" Ash knew he wouldn't want to miss his soccer practice. He had been working hard to get his coaches attention. 

"Probably." Ali answered. "Unless the doctor clears him to play I don't want him playing. It will only make it worse."

"He seemed fine when I saw him this morning."

"You didn't think he looked a little pale?" Ali asked.

"Um, hmm...I don't really remember." Ashlyn stuttered. She was starting to feel a little guilty that she didn't notice her son was sick.

"Maybe I'm just worrying too much." Ali leaned into Ashlyn and put her chin on her shoulder and watched her finish her eggs. Sam started telling a very animated story about Monster and him searching for squirrels in their back yard. Every now and then Ali would give Ashlyn a peck on the cheek to give her a little affection without interrupting their long winded son.

...

By the time they needed to leave for Jake's appointment it was clear that he wasn't feeling well. For the first time ever he let Ali pull him into a hug and rest his head on her shoulder while they watched a movie on Netflix. He quickly fell asleep in his mother's arms. He usually thought of himself as too old for this kind of thing, but today he needed a mother's comfort to help him feel better.

Ashlyn took a picture of the sweet moment unfolding before her. She would make sure Ali and her kept the picture between the two of them only. She didn't want to embarrass their big and tough teenage son. But this was a moment worth remembering.

The original plan was for Ashlyn to take him and Ali would watch the younger kids and go to the store. Ash thought maybe it would be better for them to change their plans and have Ali take him instead. Ever since adopting him, they have tried to be sensitive to his comfort level with affection and interaction with the family. They both thought that in some ways he was more comfortable being vulnerable with Ali and in other ways with Ashlyn. It looked like today it was Ali who he needed most. 

Ali gave Ashlyn the list of things needed and instructed her on which stores had the best deals. She watched as her wife's eyes glazed over with the overload of information being given to her about things she really didn't care about. Ali ended up telling her to do her best and not to worry too much about it.

...

"Baby, I don't understand. How did you end up with half of the list and most of it isn't even right?" Ali was amazed at her wife's lack of shopping ability.

"You said it wasn't a big deal. I tried." Ashlyn defended herself but she knew she could have done a lot better.

"You didn't try very hard. I wrote in detail the brand and name of each item. How do you get 'canned tomato paste' when I clearly wrote 'tomatoes' in the veggie section of the list. I even divided the items up by sections, so that you would have an easier time finding them." Ali just didn't understand.

"Well, to be fair tomatoes are a fruit so..." Ashlyn let her lame excuse hang in the air.

Ali didn't say a word. She just stared at her wife in disbelief. She shook her head and walked away.

"Al?" Ash followed her wife. She wasn't sure whether she was in trouble or if her wife felt sorry for her and didn't know what to say.

Ash grabbed Ali's arm and turned her around. "Al?"

"It's ok, Ash. I'll fix it tomorrow. Don't worry about it." Ali was frustrated. 

"I'm sorry. I guess I wasn't paying very close attention. I'm sorry I messed up." Ash really did feel bad. Her attention span just couldn't handle Ali's OCD list while shopping with two small children.

"Seriously, it's fine." Ali said. But it didn't seem fine and Ash didn't know why.

...

Ashlyn checked up on Jake and found him asleep in his bed. Ali had told her that the doctor said he probably had a virus and it should go away with a lot of rest and staying hydrated. He said to follow up with him if Jake didn't feel better in a few days.

He did look sad, she thought. Even as he slept, he looked troubled. Ashlyn figured that this was probably the source of Ali's struggles. She immediately went to check on her wife.

Ali was in the back yard watching their two younger kids play with Monster. She jumped when she felt her wife touch her back.

"Oops, sorry. I didn't mean to scare you." Ash apologized. 

Ali rolled her eyes and let out a heavy sigh. "It's fine." She said.

"Ok so," Ash was feeling brave. "either I am a huge disappointment to you and you have given up on my competence or there's something bothering you."

Ali's head dropped as soon as she heard her wife say she was a 'huge disappointment.' She didn't realize she had treated her that way. 

"I'm sorry." Ali apologized quietly. "I didn't mean to make you feel that way." Ashlyn could see tears starting to collect in Ali's eyes. She was right. There was something bothering her wife.

She put her arms around Ali and gave her a moment to gather her thoughts. She didn't need to ask for an explanation. She knew her wife would share her heart with her when she could.

Ali gave a little sniffle and turned her face so that Ash would be able to hear her. "The doctor said that Jake has chronic fatigue syndrome, which is why his immune system is so weak. He asked me to leave the room so that he could ask Jacob questions in private. Jake looked so scared and begged me not to leave. When the doctor was satisfied that Jacob didn't mind speaking in front of me he asked him a bunch of questions about abuse and drug use."

Ali needed to take a breath. She had to stop for a moment. Ashlyn waited for her to finish.

"The doctor said that stress and trauma lead to this syndrome and he obviously hasn't gotten over what he experienced before we adopted him." Ali was done explaining but her wife didn't know what to say as a response.

"That look on your face," Ali pointed out to Ashlyn. "that's how I've been feeling since we left the doctor's office."

Ashlyn just offered a sad smile as response. She didn't know what to say. Her son was hurting and she was helpless to make it better.

"And also, the doctor said he will probably need to cut down on some of his extra activities."

Ashlyn's face looked like someone had just physically wounded her. "Does that mean he can't play soccer anymore?"

"It means we have to be careful and watch his health when he's active. I might cut down his practice time with my dad to start with."

"He loves playing with your dad. I think it's important for him to have that time with him." Ashlyn wasn't satisfied with that course of action.

"He can still spend time with him, he will just need to take it easy." 

"He's a kid. He should be able to run around and have fun."

"Ashlyn, I'm just as disappointed as you are, but we have to confront this and help him get better. We can't avoid it because it's gonna be tough."

"I guess so." Ash looked so sad. "It just sucks not being able to do what you love." Ashlyn had personal experience with missing out on playing soccer because of health reasons. She really felt for her son. She wished she could have kept him from having to experience the same disappointment. 

"The doctor said this doesn't have to be forever. We can help him get better. We WILL help him get better."

Ashlyn nodded in agreement. "No matter what it takes." She said.

...

The following day Jacob seemed to be feeling a little better. He still stayed close to Ali all day. She decided to take it easy herself to make it easier for Jacob to continue to get rest. They spent most of the day watching family comedies on tv and eating popsicles.

That night after all the kids were in bed Ali's to-do list finally caught up with her.

"Dang it, Ashlyn!" Ali smacked the comforter where Aslyn's arm lied beneath.

"What?"

"I didn't go to the store today and fix your mess from yesterday." Ali scolded.

"Hey, you're not allowed to be mad at me anymore for that. You said it was ok." Ashlyn defended.

"I'm allowed to be as mad at you as I want. I'm your wife. That's my job!''

"Wow, I thought your job was to love me. Forget you." Ashlyn pulled the blanket up over her head to block out her wife's comeback.

Ali attacked her and ended up wrestling her to the floor. She held her wife down by the shoulders and started to give her hard kisses on her face. Ashlyn tried to break free but she was tangled up in the blanket beneath Ali's weight. 

"I'm so sorry!" Ali kissed her. "Please forgive me!' Another kiss. "You're the best wife ever!" Two more kisses. "Who cares if you suck at the grocery store."

Both Ashlyn and Ali were cracking up too loud to hear their son knocking on the door. He opened it a crack to make sure they were alright.

"Umm," Jake interrupted their ridiculous situation. "I heard a loud noise. Are you guys ok? Or uhh...should I go?" Jacob couldn't see Ashlyn. He was really hoping he didn't interrupt something that involved either of his mothers not wearing clothes.

"It's fine, Jake. I threw your mom off the bed because she made me have to go back to the grocery store." Ali said.

"Ok first off, I didn't make you do anything, and second you did not throw me off the bed. I just thought the carpet looked comfortable." Ashlyn didn't want to admit that she had been bested by her wife.

"Ohh-kay." Jacob slowly accepted their answer, said good night and then returned to his room.

"Our son thinks we're crazy." Ali observed.

"Crazy in love!" Ashlyn said and then tackled her wife to the ground seeking her revenge.


	54. Love is Patient

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short flash back chapter to give you a glimpse of Ash and Ali's history. I hope you like it.

FLASHBACK

"Ashlyn, honey. What are you doing here?" Ali's mom jumped out of her chair and greeted Ashlyn with a warm hug.

"Kyle called me." Ash answered her best friend's mom.

Deb gave Ashlyn a kiss on the cheek and said, "I'm so glad you're here, sweetheart. Ali will be glad to know..." Debbie's words were interrupted by her own sobs.

"How is she?" Ashlyn was trying to be strong for Ali's family. Kyle had called her and told her that Ali's boyfriend brought her to the emergency room because she was having difficulty breathing. She begged him to keep her updated while she tried to figure out a way to get to her.

She ended up taking a bus halfway and then hitch hiking the rest. In the middle of her journey she found out Ali had a heart attack, several heart attacks actually.

"The doctors say Brent saved her life by bringing her in. If she would have gone to sleep, she probably wouldn't have woken up." Ali's mom could barely hold it together.

"But she's ok now?"

"They want to monitor her closely, but they're optimistic. Brent's in there with her now. He said he would come get us when he was done." 

Ashlyn was thankful Brent helped her best friend, but jealous that he held a place in Ali's heart she wished she could fill. 

She knew she never had a chance with Ali. All she could ever be was her best friend. If that's all she could ever have of Ali then that would have to be good enough.

Ashlyn sat in between Ali's parents and waited to see the love of her life. She was waiting for the person Ali loved, Brent, to come and get her. As if he was her access to Ali. It just didn't feel right. None of it did.

Brent finally came to the waiting room and Deb greeted him with a hug and kiss. Ken stayed seated next to Ashlyn with his arm around her shoulders protectively. All he knew was that Ashlyn loved his daughter, he didn't know the full capacity of it, but he wanted to give her strength and support. He knew this time was difficult for her just like it was for the rest of the family.

"You can go see her if you want." Brent said.

Ashlyn couldn't help but cringe a little. Ashlyn would see her whether he liked it or not. Nothing would stop her from getting to Ali.

The room was quiet, except for the whirring of machines and a few beeps every now and then. Ashlyn couldn't bring herself to take more than two steps into the room. She was so scared.

Ali had been acting strange toward her lately and the last conversation they had was a big fight. Ashlyn didn't understand why Ali was pushing her away.

Ashlyn was suddenly afraid that Ali wouldn't want her there.

Mr. Krieger, once again, put his arm around her. "It's ok, Ashlyn. I'm sure she would love to hear your voice. Go talk to her."

Ashlyn was torn. She would've confessed her love to Ali right then and there if it would have mattered, but Ali didn't care. Did Ali even care about her as a friend anymore?

Maybe she had made a big mistake by assuming she was welcome into such a vulnerable time for Ali. She messed up. 

She just wanted to run.

But Ken's arm stayed firmly around her and she knew she had to move forward. One way or the other, she thought, it was time to move forward. Her whole life was on hold for someone who didn't want her. The dream was over. This visit is about her moving on from being in love with Ali and being here as simply a friend.

Ashlyn approached the sleeping woman. She held her hand and squeezed it gently. "I'm here, Alex. I just wanted you to know that." 

She let go of her hand and signaled for Ali's mom to take her seat next to her daughter. She found a chair next to the window in the room and kept her distance for the rest of the night.

...

Ali woke up really out of it. Ashlyn watched from her seat in the back of the room as Deb, Ken, and Brent rushed to her side. She watched them get hugs and kisses from Ali that she wished belonged to her. 

After several minutes Ken interrupted the conversation, as if he suddenly remembered something important. "Alex, someone else is here to see you." He moved out of the way so that Ali could see Ashlyn.

Ali thought that Ashlyn looked so sad and small in the back corner of the hospital room. She knew in that moment that it wasn't right for someone so important to her to be outside the intimate circle of loved ones around her. 

It just seemed wrong.

The length of time it took Ash to take her place next to Ali felt awkwardly long. Ali could tell she felt unwelcome. Ali knew it was all her fault.

"Hey." Ali said quietly with a cautious smile.

"Hey." Ash returned. She seemed ashamed. To her it felt like she was intruding.

"I thought I'd dreamt you." Ali said.

"What?"

"I remember I was dreaming. And I thought I was dying. And then I heard your voice say you were with me. And I knew everything would be ok." Ali's voice was tired and raspy.

"I'm glad you're ok. I was really scared." 

Ali adjusted her hand, being careful not to pull out her IV, and placed it on the side of Ashlyn's face. "I'm ok...Now that you're here."

Ali noticed a tear trying to escape from Ashlyn's eye. She used her thumb to clear it away.

"You're always welcome here." Ali grabbed Ashlyn's hand and brought it down with her own hand to cover her heart that was covered in wires. "I love you, Ashlyn."

...

Ashlyn would later reveal to Ali that it was in that moment that Ali's words convinced her not to give up loving her. Ashlyn was ready to move on because the waiting hurt so much. 

But Ali's simple words of 'I love you' were enough to confirm to Ashlyn that she was worth the wait.


	55. Tassels

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another FLASHBACK for you. A few of you requested more back story chapters. Since you are all so awesome I thought I'd go ahead and give you one right away. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

FLASHBACK

Ali was late. It wasn't her fault. Her plane was delayed and then they misplaced her luggage. She finally had to tell them she would need to follow up with them later. She had somewhere to be. 

The traffic didn't help her cause, either. She had gone to so much effort to make sure she didn't miss out on this special day but the universe seemed to be against her. She ended up having to get changed in the back of the cab. She warned her driver not to look but he definitely got a free show.

They pulled up to her destination, she quickly paid the fare and tip and went sprinting in her black dress and heels. She had her back pack that she used as a carry-on hanging off of one of her shoulders and ran with all of her heart. 

She slipped into the back of the auditorium in the middle of the opening invocation. She found a lone seat and quietly sat down. With every passing speech and ceremonial presentation her heart rate rose within her chest. She couldn't hide the pride threatening to spill out of her.

Finally the time had come and each graduate's name was announced. When the time came for Ashlyn to walk on stage to get her diploma Ali knew immediately where her best friend's family was seated because of Chris' very loud cheers resonating through the place. 

Ashlyn had done it. She was the first ever college graduate in her family. The road to this day was not easy. She didn't have much help. She earned every grade, scholarship and chance she ever got. Ali could remember conversations with her best friend telling her she was sleepless, not because of partying, but because of studying. Ashlyn knew that if she didn't get the grades, she couldn't be on the soccer team and she would lose her scholarship. If she lost her scholarship she would blow the only chance she had at a college education. 

Ashlyn sometimes played it off like she was out partying or staying up nights with girls for romantic reasons, but Ali knew the truth. Ashlyn wasn't into any of those things. She was focused on only a few things, 1-Family, 2-School, and 3-Soccer. She often teased Ashlyn about not having enough time to talk to her when she called. 

But Ashlyn always made time for Ali.

...

After the ceremony Ali rushed to find Ash's family in the crowd. No one knew that she was there and she didn't want to lose them and miss out on giving her best friend a congratulatory hug. Chris was the first to spot her.

"Hey, what the heck are you doing here, Al?" He grabbed her and pulled her into a rough 'big brother' type hug.

"I wanted to surprise Ash." Ali suddenly felt a little embarrassed.

"She's gonna crap her pants!" Chris always had a way with words.

"I hope not." Ali laughed.

Ashlyn's grandma and grandpa were happy to see Ali, too. They both gave her a hug and went on and on about how happy Ash was going to be to see her. Ali noticed someone else in the group that she didn't recognize. Ashlyn's grandma saw Ali's confusion and introduced the two.

"Ali honey, this is Jessica." Grandma Harris gestured toward the pretty brunette.

"I'm Ashlyn's girlfriend." She made sure t o set Ali straight as she stuck out her hand for her to shake.

"Ashlyn never mentioned you." Ali replied. It was rude, but it was also the truth. And Ali didn't like that this girl was practically marking her territory right off the bat. This girl had no idea who she was talking to. Ali was certain she knew and cared more about Ashlyn's heart than this new girl could ever hope to.

"Your Ali." The girl replied. "She HAS mentioned you." The way the girl said this made Ali wonder why it sounded almost protective. Was this girl trying to protect Ashlyn from her? Did Ashlyn tell her something that would make her think she needed to?

Ashlyn finally made her way to the group and was stunned to see the woman she was in love with speaking to the woman she was using to dull the pain of loneliness.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" Ashlyn only had eyes for Ali. She completely blocked out everyone else in the group.

"I wanted to surprise you."

"Well, mission accomplished!" Ashlyn took her best friend into a hug and put her face in her hair. She inhaled deeply and took in Ali's scent. She smelled like home, Ashlyn thought.

Ashlyn held on far longer than she should have, especially with her 'sorta' girlfriend standing next to her. But she truly was oblivious to anyone else in the huge crowd-filled auditorium. 

"Ali, I just can't believe you're here. I would never have expected you to cross an ocean just to see me graduate. You really are the BEST best friend ever!" Ashlyn was gushing over Ali. She was already a bundle of emotions because of everything the day represented to her. But her feelings for Ali came through the strongest.

"I hate to interrupt you," Ashlyn's girlfriend lied, "but we do have reservations."

"Ok, well um...I'm assuming Alex needs a ride so, she can ride in my car and Jess, you have your own car, and Chris rode with these guys." Ash pointed to her grandparents. "So, Al and I will meet you there!"

Ali loved the carpool arrangements. Jessica did not.

...

"So Al, tell me about your trip." Ash had her hand on the gear shift of her worn out Toyota Corolla. 

"I can't believe this thing still runs." Ali used her hand to wipe off the dust on Ashlyn's dashboard. 

"200,000 miles and still going strong. Well, maybe strong is the wrong word." Ash laughed. "Sorry, we can't all be sponsored by BMW, Al."

It was true, ever since signing with Frankfurt Ali had her own BMW and a bit more comfortable of a budget than Ashlyn. But that sort of stuff didn't matter to them. They were equals. They were soul mates.

"Ok, I'm ignoring your comment and...my trip was a little crazy. They lost my luggage. I barely made it, but I'm glad I did." Ali smiled when she saw the huge smile on her best friend's face.

"Al, I just can't believe you're here."

Ali put her hand on top of Ashlyn's hand on the gear shift and said, "I wouldn't have missed it for the world, Ash. This is a really big deal! I'm so proud of you." Ali left her hand on Ashlyn's until they arrived at the restaurant.

...

The celebratory meal was awkward, especially for the girl that referred to herself as Ashlyn's girlfriend. Ali still wasn't sure what was going on there. Whatever was going on, she didn't like it.

Ashlyn's family adored Ali. They gave her almost as much attention as the guest of honor. If it was anyone else, Ashlyn probably would have been jealous, but she didn't mind sharing the spotlight with Ali. She didn't mind completely disappearing in the background if it meant Ali was close and happy.

Ashlyn had her hand on the table, playing with her straw wrapper. She was paying close attention to her best friend's story about her traveling nightmares. She loved how even though Ali should be exhausted and grumpy, she still managed to be the most beautiful person in the room. The way she could laugh off the drama and light up the whole world with her smile was amazing. Ashlyn wondered if it was only her own world that Ali lit up, or if everyone was as mesmerized by her as she was. Either way Ashlyn couldn't take her eyes off of her.

Ali's words caught in her throat briefly as she watched 'new girl' Jessica grab Ashlyn's hand to hold. She watched Ash stiffen at the contact and then move her hand to her glass to take a dirnk. Ali wondered if she did this because she was thirsty or because she wanted distance from her so-called 'girlfriend.' 

"So Al," Ash cleared her throat and put her focus back on Ali, where it belonged. "Are you gonna stay with me while you're here? They haven't kicked me out yet." Ashlyn laughed.

"Yeah, I mean, I didn't really plan anything else. I guess I could get a hotel room if you get sick of me." Ali answered with a smile.

"I think as long as you behave we should be ok." Ashlyn joked. "Besides, I haven't even started packing yet."

"Why am I not surprised?" Ali shook her head. She couldn't help the smile that crept up on her face as she imagined her best friend's last minute procrastinating ways.

...

 

"Ashlyn?" Ali was curious but continued with caution. She didn't know if she really wanted to know the answer to the question that had been nagging at her heart since she met Jessica.

"Yeah?" Ashlyn was stuffing a duffle bag with clothes, still on the hangers. Ali took the bag and clothes from her and began folding the garments.

"I was wondering about your friend, Jessica." Ali chose to use the word 'friend' on purpose. She didn't want to acknowledge they could be any thing more.

Ali couldn't tell if Ashlyn was embarrassed or ashamed. Ash put her head down and walked to the other side of the room. She stared out of the window for a few awkward moments before answering.

"I guess, I don't know...I guess I got lonely." Ashlyn could never lie to Ali, even though she wished she could.

"Do you," Ali hesitated. She hated even asking Ashlyn, but worried more about her answer. "Do you love her?"

"Heck, no!" Ashlyn answered emphatically.

"I just wonder why you're with her then." Ali was trying to hide her jealousy with concern.

"Why not? I mean, it's not like I have anyone who is all that interested in me." Ashlyn sat on the corner of the desk next to the window and finally looked at Ali.

"Don't say that, Ash. I'm sure there are a lot of people interested. You're amazing!" Ali couldn't believe Ashlyn would ever have a hard time finding someone. She didn't necessarily want her to find someone, but she always figured she could. 

"Do you want me to be honest, Al?" Ashlyn's tone completely changed. It was almost aggressive.

"Of course!

"Soccer and school have been my life. School is over. I might not get signed by a club team, and you know how it is with US Soccer. Sometimes they like me and sometimes it seems like nothing could be further from the truth. If I don't have school or soccer what do I have?"

"You have me." Ali answered timidly.

"Do I?"

Ali felt the weight of Ashlyn's question. She knew it was much bigger than a simple question. They had been dancing around Ashlyn's supposed crush and Ali's disinterest in a romantic relationship with her for years. 

The problem was Ashlyn had much more than a crush and Ali was just as in love with her best friend as Ashlyn was with her. But Ali was still hiding from Ashlyn, and mostly from herself. Ali wasn't ready to carry the weight of Ashlyn's real question, so she brushed it off as a joke and broke Ashlyn's heart once again.

"Of course you do, silly. You're my best friend."

Ashlyn mustered up a smile, but Ali could still read the hurt on her face.

"Sure, Al." Ashlyn went back to stuffing her clothes in a bag. When she ran out of clothes in the closet she went for the ones on the bed that Ali had folded. She jammed the once neatly placed items violently into the little space left and tried to quiet the cries of her heart. 

This time Ali didn't object to Ashlyn's way of packing. Wrinkles were the least of her worries.

...

"You don't love her, ya know?" Ali interrupted Ashlyn's rock throwing. "I don't even think you like her."

"Why do you even care, Alex?" Ashlyn went back to skipping rocks in the man made lake on campus.

"Because I care about you. And it's not fair to her either."

"She likes being with me. I know that might be hard for you to understand, but she is actually happy with me. Why am I a bad guy for wanting to be with someone who actually wants me?" Ashlyn was reaching for any reason to justify her actions that were betraying her heart.

"Ash, you don't want her!"

"Once again Alex, why do you care?"

Ali didn't have an answer that would satisfy her best friend. So she dropped it.

...

Ashlyn drove Ali to the airport. She carried in her bags and gave Ali a hug. She thanked her for coming and for helping her pack.

"Ashlyn, why didn't you tell me about her?" Ali didn't even need to say her name.

Ashlyn felt guilty. That's why she didn't tell her. She was so lonely and wanted someone to tell her that she was enough. She wanted someone to hold her tight, hoping it would make the hurt go away for a little while. She knew it would always come back again, especially every time she thought about Ali.

"Ali, if you have something to say then say it. If not, then mind your own business!" 

Ali was startled by Ashlyn's anger. Ali wondered if Ash knew she was a coward. Did her best friend know that she was afraid to face who she really was? Ashlyn wasn't the only one keeping secrets.

"I'm sorry, Ash. You're right. It's none of my business. Congratulations. I'm proud of you." Ali was ready to go. It was too hard to stay.

"I'm sorry, Alex. I didn't mean to snap at you. Thank you for coming. You were my only friend who came. It was more than I could ever have expected. It really did mean a lot to me."

Ali hugged Ash and kissed her cheek. 

"I'll see you soon. Love you." Ali let go of Ashlyn and determined in her heart that the next time they see each other she would finally be honest with her best friend.

Ashlyn watched Ali walk away and felt in her heart that the distance between them was only growing. She broke up with Jessica that very same day. 


	56. Never Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You asked for it. This is a short continuation from the last Flashback chapter called "Tassels." It leads up to when they got together, which is described in the chapter "Once Upon A Time." So check it out if you need a refresher.
> 
> Thanks so much for your kind comments. I hope you like this chapter!

FLASHBACK

Leaving Ashlyn that day at the airport was difficult. Ali finally figured out what she wanted but she had no idea how to go about getting it. She had a lot of things to think about on her long plane ride back to Germany.

Ashlyn took the long way back to campus after watching Ali walk away from her. She felt lost. She felt like a fool. She was trying to fill a void that was specifically shaped in the likeness and perfection of her best friend. She could never find someone who could fill that emptiness. Ali was the only medicine that could cure this wound that destiny forced her to carry.

Once Ali arrived to her apartment in Germany she called Kyle. She explained to him the feelings she was having for her best friend.

"Al, are you more scared that you're in love with a woman or that you're in love with Ashlyn?" He asked her.

"I honestly don't know, Kyle."

"You can't unload all this on her and then just change your mind. You will destroy her. You know that, right?"

"Yeah, I do. That's why it's taken me so long. But you should've seen her, Kyle. She was so happy to see me. And I could tell she wasn't happy with that stupid Jessica girl." Ali really did not like Jessica.

Kyle couldn't help but laugh. His sister was crazy jealous.

"It's not funny, Kyle. Shut up!" She couldn't believe Kyle was laughing at her pain.

"Listen sis, you know I love you. And you know I understand what it means to realize you're attracted to the same sex, but I know that these things can be confusing. And as much as I love both you and Ash and the idea of you two together, you really need to proceed with caution. You could absolutely destroy anything you have with Ashlyn if this is some experiment or phase."

Kyle's tone was serious and somber. Ali decided he was right and figured she had to stay away from Ashlyn until she knew for sure what she felt.

...

Ashlyn returned to her mostly empty dorm room and found her 'sorta' girlfriend waiting at her door. Ashlyn gave her a forced smile and pulled her up off of the floor she had been sitting on. 

"You ok, Ash?" Jessica really wasn't a terrible person. She just wasn't Ali.

"Yeah, I guess." Ashlyn answered. She opened the door and held it for Jess to walk in behind her. Her dorm room was mostly cleared out but she had her small fridge still plugged in so she grabbed a beer and handed one to Jessica.

Ashlyn had a mattress that she used as a bed and a piece of furniture, if the occasion called for it. The two women sat on the mattress and drank. After Ash had finished her second can her soon to be ex-girlfriend broke the silence.

"So...this is it, huh?" 

"What?" Ash asked. She was truly confused about what Jess was talking about.

"You're in love with her."

Ash took a breath and slowly let it out. Finally she answered sadly, "Yeah."

"Have you always been in love with her? I mean, since we started?"

"Yeah."

Ashlyn felt like the worst person in the world. Not only because of the constant ache in her chest but because she knew she did Jessica wrong. She truly was a kind and wonderful person. But Ashlyn was destined to be alone. At least that's how it felt.

"Do you love me, at all?" Jess asked. She thought that maybe it was possible Ashlyn cared for them both and that as Ash's love for her grew her love for Ali would one day fade away.

Ashlyn wanted to cry. Her body felt as though it was covered in wet cement. The guilt was so heavy.

"No." Ashlyn wanted to apologize, but her head was spinning.

Jessica slapped her. And then she slapped her again. She stormed out of the room and once again, Ashlyn was completely alone.

...

Ashlyn had decided she needed to guard her heart from Ali. She sent her emails and even wrote her a letter. She reached out cautiously towards Ali but her efforts were met with silence.

Ali was busy trying to figure things out. She was trying to protect Ashlyn, but was only hurting her more. Ali finally came to a place where she was at peace with who she was and she told her family that she was gay. She wanted to tell Ashlyn, but she thought again about it. She was still trying to protect her by staying away.

Ali let it slip to Pinoe that she was interested in a woman. When Megan pressed for more information she let it slip that it was Ashlyn. She wasn't surprised. No one was surprised. The two were made for each other.

A few months later Pinoe asked Ashlyn what she thought about Ali coming out. Pinoe was trying to play match maker but the conversation never made it that far. Ashlyn quickly ended their conversation and hung up on her blonde friend. 

It broke Ashlyn's heart to find out that Ali didn't tell her. She couldn't understand why her supposed best friend would hide something like this from her. She figured it must have been because she thought Ashlyn would try to pursue her romantically. So Ashlyn got the message loud and clear. Ali didn't want her. 

...

The months that followed for Ashlyn were dark. She was done with Ali. Whatever Ali's excuse could possibly be to hide something like this from her didn't matter. Ashlyn's hope was dying fast. 

She found herself most nights trying to avoid having to be alone. She would go out with team mates and drink until she couldn't feel Ali's presence anymore. There were a couple of people Ash hooked up with during that time but it wasn't about that. It was about trying to escape. 

This continued until one morning she woke up with the worst hangover she ever had. She couldn't remember a thing about the previous night. Her body was sore. Really sore. She looked at herself in the mirror and saw she was covered in bruises. Someone had done this to her while she was too out of it to stop them. Ashlyn could barely walk. She remembered this feeling from when she was younger. It was the same kind of pain she felt when one of her former foster father's sexually assaulted her. 

She couldn't know for sure if that's what happened unless she went to the hospital and got checked out. She honestly didn't want to know. She decided that day that something in her life had to change. It was time to let Ali go.

...

It had been almost a year after Ashlyn graduated that she saw Ali in person again. It was at a National Team Camp and Ashlyn did her best to avoid her. Ali knew if anything was going to be fixed between them that she had to be the one to do it.

That was the camp that she poured her heart out to Ashlyn and finally got to kiss the love of her life. When Ashlyn told her about their time apart Ali couldn't stop crying. She blamed herself for every blow Ashlyn's heart and body took during that time. She vowed to never let anyone hurt her again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is sort of a snapshot of a year of time. We will later visit some of these moments in greater detail. I purposely left some of the details a little vague.


	57. The Mistake (Part One)

Ashlyn woke up early because of a headache. She had been told by her doctor that she needed to be extra cautious whenever she had one because of her previous head injury.

She still got headaches like any normal healthy person does but they can sometimes be a little more painful. She knows that if it feels like a normal headache then the length of the headache is really what matters.

She was trying everything to get rid of the one that snuck up on her while she was sleeping. She took Tylenol, an allergy pill, even a huge cup of coffee hoping the caffeine might help. She learned that the pressure point for a headache was by the base of your thumb so she pushed on her hand until it was bruised.

Nothing seemed to work.

Ashlyn was getting desperate. She was scared that her injury may never fully heal. She was scared that she would never play soccer again. And mostly she was scared to tell Ali.

Her injury was the most difficult thing their marriage had ever endured. Ali was faithful and understanding through it all, but Ashlyn hated putting her through that again. Ali didn't deserve it and Ashlyn didn't want to worry her for no reason either. 

She had made a promise to Ali that she would tell her if she ever started having problems again. She intended to keep that promise, but she wanted to make sure she wasn't making a big deal out of nothing.

Maybe it was just a headache.

...

Ali found her wife asleep on the bottom of the slide in their back yard. To most people it might seem strange to find your spouse asleep on a children's jungle gym early in the morning, but Ali had learned a long time ago that her wife wasn't like most people. Her wife was unique. And unique is beautiful.

If Ali had known that Ashlyn had only recently fallen back to sleep she wouldn't have woken her, but she had no idea about her wife's night of suffering.

"Ash." Ali shook her shoulder a little bit.

Ashlyn scrunched her face and covered her eyes from the morning sun. She let out a confused groan, which was her usual morning greeting for her wife.

"Baby, why are you sleeping on the slide?" Ali stroked Ashlyn's face as she slowly closed her eyes again. 

"Ash, for real. You can't sleep out here. Sam is gonna think it's cool and we won't be able to get him to stay in his bed at night." Ali gave her a kiss on the forehead.

"Come on, sleepy head." She pulled on Ashlyn's arm and helped her up. It took Ashlyn too long to find her balance. Ali thought nothing of it. She figured it was because she was tired. Ashlyn has never been a morning person.

Ashlyn laid her head down on her arms at the table, while her wife made breakfast and her kids filed in.

"What's wrong with her?" Jake asked nodding towards Ashlyn.

"She's tired. I don't think she slept well last night." Ali answered. "She'll feel better once she gets some coffee in her."

Ali looked for her wife's favorite mug but couldn't find it. She went to the coffee maker and couldn't believe that it wasn't clean. She always makes sure it's clean and ready for the next morning. Coffee is no joke at the Krieger-Harris house.

Ali looked up from her coffee mission and instructed that one of her kids take Monster out. Jake volunteered and came back carrying Ashlyn's missing mug.

"I found this outside." Jake handed it to her.

"Well, that mystery is solved." She wondered why Ashlyn would drink coffee in the middle of the night.

"Ash," Ali put a fresh cup of coffee in front of her wife and rubbed her back. "I've got some coffee for you if you wanna wake up a little bit." 

Ashlyn finally lifted her head and slouched back into her chair. Her eyes were bloodshot and tired looking. She managed a quiet thank you and took a sip from the mug her wife had given her.

"How late did you stay up last night?" Ali asked. Ashlyn and Ken had been planning for a tree house for the kids all week and they had a few late night brain storming sessions together. Ali assumed that was what happened. Maybe Ashlyn got home, sat out back and visualized their plans. She could definitely see her wife doing something like that.

"I can't remember." Ashlyn really didn't remember what time she got in.

Ali gave her a kiss on the side of her head and said, "Hopefully some coffee and breakfast will help wake you up."

Ashlyn yawned and nodded in response.

...

Ali was on her way to Houston with the team for a game. Ashlyn and the kids were staying home for this one. Their two oldest children had soccer practice and it just made sense for Ash to stay home since she couldn't play anyway. 

Ali made sure not to force the decision on her to stay. She knew it was hard for her to miss out on team stuff, but Ashlyn agreed that it just didn't make sense to leave the kids with their grandpa if she was able to take care of them herself.

Ashlyn's headache seemed to be manageable. It was a dull pain that felt like it was just sitting and pushing down on the side of her head.

She resigned to the fact that no cup of coffee, no matter how big, was going to fix it. She tried every pill she could think of. It was time to go to the doctor. 

She had it all planned out. There was a 2 hour window of time where all of her kids' schedules had them busy doing something. She used that time to talk to her doctor.

...

"How long have you had the headaches?" Her doctor asked. He had a notebook in his lap and was sitting across from her.

"I've been getting normal headaches off and on. This is the first time it hasn't gone away." She answered.

"On a scale of 1 to 10 how would you rate your pain?"

"Right now it's probably a 2 or 3." She hesitated, but remembered her promise to Ali after the surgery that she would be careful with her recovery. "Last night it was probably more like a 7."

The doctor scribbled something on his paper.

"Did you drive here?"

"Yes sir." 

"How was that? Do the lights or the sun cause you pain? What about your vision?" He seemed to not like the idea that she had been driving.

"It wasn't that bad." Ashlyn immediately regretted seeing him. She felt like everything was going to be blown out of proportion and once again her family would be put through a whirlwind.

"We need to run some tests to get a better idea of what's going on."

"I don't have time for that. I have to pick up my kids."

"Ashlyn, this can't wait. Call someone to pick up your kids. Where's your wife? She's usually here with you for these appointments."

"She's at work." Ashlyn was done with the conversation. "I'm sorry doc, but tests are gonna have to wait. I have to pick up my son." 

Ashlyn stood up and walked out. She left the doctor sitting there with his pen in his hand and a shocked look on his face.

...

Jacob's practice had ended 20 minutes ago and still no sign of his mother. He knew that she had to pick up his brother and sister so he thought she was just running late. 

He tried calling her phone but it just rang and went to voicemail. He ran out of options. It was time to call his other Mom.

"Hey, sweetheart. You just caught me getting off the plane. Can I call you back in a few minutes?" Ali wanted to get her carry-on and find her way to baggage claim with the team before stopping to talk on her phone.

"Um..." Jake hesitated. He was worried about Ashlyn and worried that maybe he was bothering Ali. "I guess so."

Thankfully Ali could sense that he was concerned. She sat down in a nearby seat on the plane and signaled for the people behind her to go ahead.

"What is it, sweetheart? Is something wrong?"

"Uh, well...I don't know. I don't want to get anyone in trouble." It had just dawned on Jake that maybe Ashlyn just forgot. He knew she would hear it from Ali if that was the case.

"It's ok, Jacob. You can tell me." Ali encouraged.

"It's just that Mom hasn't picked me up yet. I tried calling her but she hasn't answered. I don't know. Maybe she's picking up Lex or Sam."

"Call your Grandpa. He'll come get you. I'll track down your mom." Ali was about to hang up before she added, "You did the right thing calling me, Jacob. Thank you. I love you."

"Love you, too." Jake hung up and called his Grandpa.

...

Ali still couldn't track down her wife. She called the daycare and Sam had already been picked up by Ashlyn. She found out that Lex had been taken home by a teammate's mom and there wasn't anyone at their house. 

Ali was starting to worry.

...

Ali's dad picked up Jake and found a very frustrated Lexi waiting at her friend's house. Lex was livid! She was ready to yell at anyone who would listen.

"Calm down, princess." This wasn't Ken's first time calming down his granddaughter. "I'm sure there's a reason your Mama is late. We have to have patience with each other. Remember?"

Lexi had been talked to about 'patience' a lot lately, but usually it involved impatience with her younger brother.

"What the?" Ken's attention was taken from his granddaughter in the back seat to an accident ahead. 

The road was blocked and there were 2 ambulances parked in front of the vehicles involved. He waited calmly for an opportunity to open for him to get out of the traffic. He was making a left hand turn when he was able to see the accident more clearly. He saw what looked like a full sized black truck and a silver Jeep.

Just like the one his daughter-in-law drove.


	58. The Mistake (Part Two)

"What happened?" Ashlyn woke up in a hospital bed with restraints around her wrists. 

"You don't remember?" Her father-in-law asked taking her hand.

"Why am I here? What happened? What's on my hands?" Ashlyn was panicking. She was jerking her upper body upwards trying to get out of bed but the restraints stopped her.

"What's happening?" Ashlyn asked Ken. Her fear consuming her.

"You were in a car accident. You're ok. You're restrained because you need to keep still."

"Where's Ali?" Ashlyn was afraid and needed her wife.

Her father-in-law took a deep breath and turned his head. He couldn't bare to look at Ashlyn. "She's with Sam."

"Sam?" Ashlyn whispered. Her voice shook with dread. "Is he...?"

"He's unconscious. You were in a car accident. Do you remember anything?" Ken asked again.

"No."  
...

Both Sam and Ashlyn were unconscious when the ambulance arrived. The teenager driving the truck was killed on impact. Samuel was in his car seat in the back seat and the jolt of impact caused his head to go forward and then slam back into his seat. 

Ashlyn woke up after a few hours in the hospital. She was covered in cuts and bruises. She freaked out. She fought off the nurses who were trying to help her and screamed for Ali. Due to her head injury they didn't give her a sedative to calm her down, all they could do was restrain her and give her pain medication.

"I need Ali." Ashlyn begged Ken. "Please." She didn't have the strength to give much volume to her words but the tone was still desperate.

"I'll see if she'll come." 

Ken left and returned without Ali.

"She needs to be with Sam right now. I'm sure she'll be here soon." He took Ashlyn's hand and looked at her with pity. 

Ashlyn couldn't understand why Ali wouldn't come.  
...

Ali's Mom was with Jacob and Lex at their house. Jake begged for her to let him see Ashlyn and Sam. She told him she couldn't. She said he had to wait until things settled down. What he really had to wait for was for Sam to wake up. Ali didn't want her other children to see him like that.

Ali blamed Ashlyn for the accident even though no one really knew what happened. She couldn't understand why her wife didn't tell her she was having problems. She promised that she wouldn't hide it from her again. 

Ali spoke to Ashlyn's doctor and found out that he warned her not to drive. He told her to get tests, but Ashlyn wouldn't listen. And now their baby was lying motionless in a hospital bed. Ali could forgive Ashlyn for just about everything. But she couldn't forgive her for this.

...

Ashlyn would have spent her time completely alone if it wasn't for Ken. He would go back and forth from Ashlyn's room to Sam's room trying to bring comfort to both Ali and Ash. His heart hurt for both of them, but there just aren't words that can bring comfort at a time like this.

On one of Ken's visits to Ashlyn's room he found a police officer there asking questions.

"Ma'am, are you stating you don't remember anything from the accident?" The officer asked. He was frustrated that she wasn't being of much help.

"I already told you that. I don't remember anything!" Ashlyn was getting worked up. Her hands were still cuffed to the bed and she felt like she was being treated like a criminal.

"You need to understand, ma'am. We take it very seriously when a minor is killed. Also the child in your vehicle was injured. We are just trying to find out the truth."

Ashlyn didn't know the truth. Everyone seemed to be treating her like she was the one to blame, and maybe she was. Her headaches were starting to come back. Maybe she had another seizure or passed out. 

Ashlyn started to slam her head into the bed. She couldn't bare the thought of hurting her son or worse, ending a child's life. She couldn't live with that on her conscience. It just wouldn't be possible.

The officer grabbed Ashlyn by the shoulders. He was yelling at her to stop and to calm down. He never saw Jake coming.

Jacob jumped on top of the man and tackled him to the ground. He was yelling at him to stop hurting his mother. Ken pulled him off of the officer and tried to get him to calm down.

"It's ok, Jake. He wasn't hurting her." 

The boy didn't waste time to apologize. He ran straight to Ashlyn and pulled her into a hug. He held her tight. If the officer or anyone wanted to get to her he would be a shield of protection.

"Young man." The officer wiped the little bit of blood from his cut lip. "You can't put your hands on a police officer. I can see you are upset. But I have to warn you that if you try something like that again you will be arrested."

Jake didn't acknowledge that the man was speaking to him. He stayed in his spot, covering Ashlyn with his own body.

"I'm sorry for my grandson." Ken offered. "Our family has been through a lot."

"I understand." The officer addressed Ashlyn one last time. "Ma'am, there's a traffic camera near where your accident took place. We're hoping to have this all sorted out soon."

Ashlyn didn't know whether that was good news or not. But she thanked him anyways. 

"Thank you."

...

Ken took Jacob to Sam's room. He told him to stay outside and that he would have Ali talk to him. Ken wasn't sure his daughter would be happy to see her son there. Ali wanted to protect her kids from the horrible events of the accident.

"Alex, Jacob's here." Ali took in her Dad's words and was ready to fight. Ken saw it coming so he added more of an explanation. "He snuck out of the house and rode his bike here. You're Mom was helping Lexi with her reading."

"I don't want him here." Ali said. Her eyes never leaving Samuel.

"I know. I'm sorry. He found Ashlyn's room and saw her already."

At the mention of her wife's name Ali's eyes went cold. Ken noticed.

"Don't you want to know how she is?" He asked.

"When Sam is ok...then I'll talk to her."

"Alex, it's not her fault. She has a brain injury."

"She was told a million times not to push it. She was told moments before the accident not to drive. She was told to get checked out. She CHOSE to ignore all the warnings. And now Samuel is..." Ali couldn't finish.

"Ali, I know you're upset. But no one knows what happened. You're blaming her before you know the facts." Ali's resolve didn't budge.

Ken continued. "She's scared. And she needs you."

"She's gonna have to deal with this one alone." Ali's words were covered in anger.  
...

Jacob was listening outside the door. He didn't know who's side to take in this situation. His grandpa was right, no one knew what really happened. But what if it was Ashlyn's fault. Sam is hurt and it could be all her fault.

Jake sat against the wall by the door and cried. He was scared his family was falling apart.

...

Ken got Ali to agree to talk to Ashlyn. He told her that now that Jake was around she needed to at least pretend to be concerned for his other parent. She reluctantly agreed.

Ashlyn was awoken by her wife turning on a very bright light over her head.

Ashlyn let out a cry of pain. She was on medication to help with her headaches but it didn't totally take them away.

Ash opened one eye. "Alex?" 

She started sobbing.

"You're here." She had been longing for her wife since she woke up from the impact.

"What do you want?" Ali's tone was cold and hard. Ashlyn caught it right away.

"I want you." Ashlyn answered honestly.

Ali brought her face down close next to Ashlyn and said, "You put our baby in a coma. I don't even want to look at you. You PROMISED me you would be careful. You were reckless and now one child is dead and the other is unconscious. How can you live with yourself?" Ali stood up straight and walked out of the room. 

Ashlyn couldn't live with herself. But that's all she had. Just her and her regret.

...

The next day Ashlyn's doctor thought she had calmed down enough to take off the restraints. He also told her that she was stable and could visit Sam's room, as long as she stayed in a wheelchair. 

Ali didn't expect to see her. Both Ali and Jacob were sitting by Sam's bed when Ken wheeled Ashlyn in. Ken knew his daughter would be upset with him for bringing her without warning, but he didn't care. He didn't agree with the way Ali was treating her and he wanted to make that clear.

Ali stood up from her chair and moved it out of the way so Ashlyn could get close. Ali kept her distance from her wife but watched her carefully.

Ashlyn stood up from the chair and leaned over her smallest son. She took in the condition of his body and face. He didn't have a mark on him. It didn't make any sense to her.

She leaned down so that her face was inches from his. She let a single tear drop. It landed on the boy's cheek. She tried to wipe it off but many more fell in its place.

She whispered to her son. "Sam-Bam...I'm sorry."

She couldn't say another word. Her sobs wracked through her body and she fell on top of him. Ali helped Ken get her back to her wheelchair. Ali finally showed some mercy and placed a hand of support on her shoulder.

Ali bent down and softly told Ashlyn that it might be a good idea for her to leave. It wasn't out of anger that she said this. She was honestly worried for Ashlyn. 

Ashlyn asked Jake to take her to the hospital chapel. She needed to ask for help and forgiveness. She knew that she might be able to find someone there that would be willing to rescue her and her family.

He pushed Ashlyn to the front and left her there to work out whatever she was struggling with. Jake sat in the back pew of the small room. He hoped that someone was listening.

...

Ashlyn asked Jake to take her back to her room. She was feeling pretty bad. Her doctor had done tests and given her medication but they were still in limbo with what really happened and with what was going on with her headaches.

Ashlyn's emotions were everywhere. She was afraid for Sam. She felt guilty about the accident. She didn't know if she was going to die because of whatever was happening in her head. And worst of all, she thought Ali hated her.

Her life was spiraling out of control.

...

Ashlyn spent another night alone with her thoughts. Jake begged Ali to let him sit with her but Ali told him he had to go home. She didn't want him to endure any more than he had too.

Ali was sitting next to Sam and had a feeling that she needed to go to her wife. She tried to shake it off but she just couldn't. Even though she was mad at her she still loved her and she still had an almost supernatural connection to her. She knew that Ash needed her and she was compelled to go to her. She tried to ignore the feeling but it just got stronger.

Ashlyn was sleeping when Ali approached her bed that night. She could see that Ash was dreaming. She seemed to be struggling with something in what looked to be more of a nightmare than a dream. Ali watched Ashlyn's face and body react to something that was causing her to be afraid. 

Ali couldn't take it anymore.

"Ashlyn." She nudged her arm a little.

Ashlyn didn't respond. She was breathing heavy and moving restlessly. 

"Ashlyn, sweetheart. It's ok. You're ok." Ali started to cry. She suddenly realized how terrible she had treated her wife. "Please baby, wake up. We'll get through this." Ali was sobbing, begging her to wake up. 

Ashlyn heard her wife's cries. She immediately jumped into motion and wrapped Ali up in her arms. She let her weep into her chest.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Ali said over and over again.

Ashlyn didn't know what to say. She didn't think Ali had anything to be sorry for.

The women were interrupted by Ali's dad who was out of breath.

"Sam's awake!"


	59. The Mistake (Part Three)

Ali ran to Sam's room and Ken helped Ashlyn into a wheelchair. He pushed her quickly to see his grandson. 

Ash and Ken arrived to see Ali holding Sam in her arms. He seemed perfectly fine. The doctor was there trying to talk to Ali but she was too focused on Sam to hear him. 

The moment Sam saw Ashlyn he cried out to her. "Mama!"

Ali brought him to Ashlyn and placed him on her lap. Ashlyn couldn't speak. She was trying to hold back her own tears but his cries were making it hard for her to be strong. 

"It's ok, Sam-Bam." Ashlyn rubbed his back. Ali put a hand behind Ashlyn's head to try and give her some emotional support.

"Mama, thank you. You save me."

"What was that?" Ashlyn didn't understand what her son was saying.

"The black truck hit us. You helped me with your arm." Ashlyn had no idea what he was talking about.

Ken spoke up. "The truck that hit you was black."

Ali looked at her father in shock. Did Sam really remember what happened?

Ali turned her attention to her son. "Samuel, do you remember what happened?"

"Yeah." The boy said. "Black truck hit us. Mama put her arm on my head and stopped the bad guys."

Ashlyn still felt confused but Ali put it together. Ashlyn didn't cause the accident. She was alert enough to reach back and block her son from the glass and other debris from the impact. That's why he didn't have any scratches or other wounds. 

Who knows what may have happened if she didn't instinctively try to protect her son? Ashlyn was the only one in the room who didn't realize she was a hero.

...

The doctors cleared Samuel. He was fine. He had a concussion but once the swelling went down he was in perfect health. The entire family had gathered in Ashlyn's room waiting for the doctor to release her. 

Sam was lying on the hospital bed with his Mama. He was playing with her bed. He pushed all of the buttons that made it change positions. He thought it was hilarious. Ashlyn didn't mind. Her son was ok. He could do anything right now and she'd be the happiest person in the world.

Jake was flipping through the channels on the room tv when the police officer he tackled a few days ago entered the room.

He immediately turned it off and stood up straight. He wanted to be on his best behavior after what he did. He didn't want to get arrested or anything.

"Mrs. Krieger-Harris, may I speak with you in private, please?" The officer asked.

Ashlyn froze. Jake wasn't the one that had to worry about being arrested, she was.

"Uhh...yeah." Ash answered.

Ali interjected. "I'm her wife. Would it be alright if I stayed in the room?" Ali gave Sam to her dad and then took Ashlyn's bruised and cut up hand.

"That'd be fine." He said with a tight smile.

Ken gathered all the kids and took them out of the room. The officer stopped him on his way out and gave Sam a high five. He said, "I'm glad you're ok, little guy." Sam smiled and they gave each other a thumbs up.

He turned back to the women who were anxious to hear what he had come to say.

"Mrs. Krieger-Harris..."

"Ashlyn." Ashlyn interrupted. "You can just call me Ashlyn."

"Ashlyn." He repeated. "Ashlyn, we were able to get custody of the video recording from the camera by where your accident happened. I'm sorry it took so long. We had to get a warrant for it. It ended up getting a little complicated."

Ashlyn really didn't care about all the details of how hard it was to get the footage. All she wanted to know was what was on the dang video.

"It's very clear based on the footage and the other driver's phone that he was texting someone at the time of impact. His truck swerved into your lane. You and your son are lucky to be alive."

Ali was silently crying as she clutched Ashlyn's hand and arm tightly.

"The Firefighters who cut you both out of your vehicle said that your arm was on top of your son. They said that a piece of metal went through the headrest of the front passenger seat and stuck out inches from your arm. In the video you can clearly see you blocking his head with your arm. I'm certain you saved his life."

Ashlyn was in shock. Not because she was brave, but because her son had come so close to death.

"I brought a picture of the headrest to show you. Officers at the scene took pictures for evidence. It's really quite amazing. I've never seen anything like it." 

Ashlyn took the picture in her hand and couldn't believe that what the man said was true.

He continued. "I just wanted to apologize. I know I didn't treat you the best. I'm sorry. You deserved a lot better than my accusations."

"It's fine." Ash answered. She still couldn't believe it.

The man shook her hand and said good-bye.

Ali knew the rest of the family would want some kind of answers but she wasn't ready to invite them back in.

"Ashlyn." Ali squeezed Ashlyn's hand and got her to focus on her instead of the miraculous events the police officer just shared.

"What?"

"I just wanted to say..." Ali looked like she was gonna throw up. "...I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for how I treated you. I'm so sorry, baby. I'm so, so sorry." Ali put her head in her hands trying to block her wife from seeing her tears. 

Ashlyn grabbed Ali by the back of the neck and pulled her gently to her.

"We've cried too many tears lately." Ashlyn wiped Ali's eyes. "I hated myself too. I don't blame you."

"But Ashlyn, I should've known that you would never hurt anyone, especially our son."

"It's ok, Ali. Let's just try to leave all this behind us. It hurts too much to dwell on our mistakes. I made a lot of my own too. I'm just glad we could all wake up from this nightmare."  
...

After being released from the hospital, Ashlyn had one more nightmare to face.

She had to say good-bye to her beloved Jeep.

Ashlyn decided to take Jake along to get all of their useable stuff out of the Jeep. She didn't think Ali would be able to take it, due to how close her and Sam came to death. There wasn't much that was salvageable. 

She showed Jake the piece of metal that the officer told her and Ali about. They both marveled at the fact that Sam was ok. It truly was a miracle.

When the two got home Ali made sure to check on them. She was worried it would be too much for either of them. But they both seemed fine.

After a week of the family having to squeeze into Ali's car, Ali decided to let Ashlyn go car shopping. She originally wanted to wait until the insurance money came in but 2 car seats and 3 normal sized people don't have as much room in a sedan as they do in an SUV. Ali was tired of the complaining from her wife and the bickering between her children.

Ashlyn picked out the exact same Jeep she already had. The only difference was it was a newer model. 

She said she missed her old Jeep but the new one was like Neosporin and it helped to heal the scars of her wounded heart. 

Ali humored her but shook her head at how ridiculous her wife's love affairs with her cars were.


	60. Always

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mild language alert...
> 
> I know ya'll probably think I'm too cautious with my warnings but I don't want to corrupt some poor innocent soul.

It was always the same. Every night since Ashlyn found out the details of her recent car accident she would relive the events in her sleep. Ali would wake her up and gently bring her back to reality. 

It would start with Ashlyn seeing the truck drive straight at them. She would try to veer the vehicle out of the way but the steering wheel was too heavy to turn. She would turn her head as the impact came in slow motion. She tried to block Sam from being impaled by a sharp piece of metal, but in her dream she could never get to him fast enough. 

That is usually how the dream ended. It would play over and over in her head until Ali would notice that she was struggling and would calm her down. Ashlyn's doctor said the dreams were caused by the trauma as well as the medication Ashlyn was taking to control the symptoms of her headaches. It was a very scary time for both Ashlyn and Ali.

...

"NO!" Ashlyn screamed in her sleep. 

Ali woke up immediately and started stroking Ashlyn's still bruised and battered arm. "Baby, it's ok. Shhh...It's ok."

Ashlyn sat up, took a deep gasp of air, and opened her eyes wide.

Ali sat behind her and pulled her down on top of her. She held her and whispered encouragement in her ear. "It's ok. Sam is ok. You're ok. Our family is safe."

Ali would wait for her to to calm and feel for her breath to even out before she would ask if Ash wanted to talk about it. Sometimes she felt better after sharing the details and sometimes she wasn't up to it.

"Ashlyn, was it the same dream?" Ali asked and placed a kiss on her wife's ear.

"Yeah." Ashlyn turned in her wife's arms and laid facedown against Ali's chest. She turned her head so that her wife could hear her. "I still couldn't save him."

"Sweetheart, it was just a dream. Sammy is ok. You did save him."

"I know. I wish I could convince my brain of that. The nightmare just won't go away." 

"It'll get better. Just try to get some rest. I'm right here." Ali said.

She wanted Ashlyn to know that she would do everything she could to make sure she wasn't afraid. She would keep watch. Even in her nightmares, Ali would make sure she was safe.

...

Ashlyn woke up, still held tight in her wife's arms. It wasn't just her and her wife anymore, though. The whole family had joined them in bed. Lex and Sam were watching Curious George on Ali's laptop and Jake was sitting against the headboard next to Ali. He had his shoulder leaning against hers'. He was watching Ashlyn sleep while his siblings were watching George. He was very protective of his entire family. At the moment he didn't particularly like the fact that his little brother was sitting right on top of Ashlyn's lower back. But since Ali didn't seem to mind, he didn't say anything about it.

Sam's drumming on Ashlyn's butt is what woke her up. He wasn't doing it hard so Ali didn't really notice it. She would have put a stop to it right away if she saw his little hands' rhythmically tapping on her sleeping wife.

Ashlyn began to stir but felt her son's weight on top of her. She knew it was Sam. She didn't have to look. 

Ali was familiar with the usual wake-up drill. She often times had to remove her youngest child from Ashlyn's frame. Sam was oblivious half the time, especially when his attention was elsewhere.

"Jacob, will you please move your brother so your mom can move?" Ali asked.

Jake was happy to oblige. He didn't like that he was sitting on her in the first place. Samuel decided his brother moved him so that he could climb on his back and play with his big brother.

Ashlyn sat up next to her wife and son. She put her arm around Ali's waist and leaned her head on her shoulder. To Ashlyn, this was the perfect way to wake up. Everything felt peaceful and filled with love. Her entire family being gathered around her brought her back to reality. And her reality was pretty great.

...

Ali missed the next Spirit away game. She knew that being with her family was more important. Ashlyn felt terrible about it. She had already missed their game against Houston because of the accident. Ali never even left the airport. When she got the call from her dad she was on the next plane back home. Ashlyn tried to talk her out of missing another game. The team was fighting for a playoff spot and needed their captain. Ali knew her family needed her more. There was no debate. Ali stayed home.

Ali told the kids they could skip their activities for Ashlyn and Sam's first week home. She told them it was their choice. She personally couldn't bear to be away from either Ash or Sam and wanted to give her children the same opportunity to stay close too.

It had been almost two weeks since the accident and Ali was still drowning in guilt over how she treated her wife. No one else had blamed her for her few moments of bitterness. No one else except for Ali.

Ali kept a close eye on Ashlyn. She figured the best way to get over her guilt was to lay on the love extra thick. She flat out spoiled her. At first Ashlyn absolutely loved it. Ali was very good at doing things, both great and small, to show love to her family. Ashlyn had her favorite food, went on a shopping spree at her favorite stores. Ali bought her a new watch. She got her new Jeep detailed (even though it didn't need it). Ali massaged every part of Ashlyn's body, which Ash didn't mind at all. She was constantly fussing over her and making sure she had everything she wanted.

Ashlyn finally decided enough was enough. She didn't want to hurt Ali's feelings but she knew her wife's motivation was from a place of guilt and Ashlyn couldn't live with that.

"Hey Al, can I talk to you for a minute?" Ash and Ali were outside watching the kids play. They were running through the sprinklers with Monster and trying to run through fast enough to keep them from getting wet. They were soaked.

"Yeah, of course. What's up?" Ali gave Ashlyn her full attention. She was worried that maybe Ashlyn was gonna tell her she was sick or her head was bothering her.

"I just feel like you need to forgive yourself."

"What?" Ali knew immediately what Ashlyn was talking about. She hadn't been able to forget the way she treated her wife at the hospital. It ate away at her constantly.

"You know 'what.' " Ashlyn wasn't gonna let Ali get out of talking about the elephant in the room.

Ali put her head down. She felt so ashamed. "I can't." is all Ali could say.

"Alex, you can't blame yourself for that shit. It is too heavy for any of us to carry." Ashlyn knew that her wife had to deal with more than she did on that day. She couldn't even imagine what she must have felt. Imagine hearing from your dad that your wife and son were in an accident and unconscious, while you were thousands of miles away. It really was too much.

"I should have never treated you that way!" Ali was about to lose it. 

Ashlyn subtly looked to her kids to remind her wife that she needed to hold it together in front of them.

"Listen, Alex. All the evidence stacked up against me. I wish it could have been different but with Sam injured I don't know that I would have responded any better. All we can do is just let it go. I forgive you. Now you need to forgive you." Ashlyn was dead serious.

"I know. It's just hard. I love you so much and I treated you like you were some horrible person. And you're not!" Ali acted as if she had to convince Ashlyn to be more upset with her.

"Babe. For real. We can't live like this. I love all of the wonderful things you do for me, but you're doing it because you feel like you owe me something. Like you owe me a debt, or something. That's not us. We don't keep a record of wrongs." Ashlyn smiled. "If we did I would be in trouble."

Ali laughed. "No you wouldn't. You're wonderful." 

"Ali, I've made a lot of mistakes, too. We're equals. We always approach things that way. I can't have you feeling like you're not enough. You're everything." Ashlyn pulled Ali out of the chair she was occupying and onto her lap. She wrapped her up in her arms and let her lie back and rest on top of her. 

"Can I just say one thing?" Ali asked.

"Of course."

"I was so scared. I didn't want to face losing you. It was easier for me to be mad at you and avoid you than to accept that you were in pain and maybe really sick again. I kept having flashbacks of when you had your surgery. Ashlyn, I was so scared. I'm not strong enough to face that again."

Ashlyn tightened her embrace. "I hope you never have to go through that again. But I promise you, you're strong enough to face anything. You don't have to be scared."

"Ashlyn, you don't understand what it was like. I was watching you die. That's what the doctor said. You were going to die, without the surgery. And the odds were high that you might die during the surgery too. It was the worst experience of my life!"

"Ok, so maybe it's ok to be scared sometimes, but you're still strong enough. No matter what happens, Alex. You're the strongest person I know." Ashlyn meant every word.

"I'm only strong because of you. I can't imagine facing one day without you." Ali adjusted her position so that her head could find it's usual spot on Ashlyn's shoulder. She leaned further into the crook of her wife's neck and pressed her lips against her skin. Ashlyn closed her eyes and took in the scent and touch of her wife. She placed several kisses in her hair.

"I'm here, Alex. I will always be here."


	61. The Promise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains part of a prompt request. As always, I just want you to know I appreciate you all so much. Thank you for reading and thank you for your kind comments.

FLASHBACK

"ASHLYN!" Ali sprinted towards her girlfriend. She couldn't believe her eyes. Ashlyn was supposed to be in New York, but instead she was at her doorstep in Germany.

"Hey babe!" Ashlyn tried to maintain a cool demeanor on the outside but she was even more excited than Ali.

"What are you doing here?" Ali smashed their two bodies together and mumbled her question from a passionate kiss.

"It's your birthday. Where else would I be?" Ashlyn picked Ali up and carried her to her bedroom. She laid her down on her bed and covered her body with her own.

"Ashlyn," Ali struggled to speak between kisses. "How? It's too much?" Ali was already out of breath and Ashlyn was in no mood to give her a chance to catch it.

Ashlyn gave her a little space and finally answered Ali. "This needs to go." She said as she balled up the fabric in the front of Ali's shirt.

That wasn't what Ali expected as a reply but she wasn't gonna mince words at a time like this. 

Ali sat up and let Ashlyn remove her shirt. Ash had always been an over achiever when it came to her girlfriend so she also removed her bra. 

She then laid her back down and put one of Ali's nipples in her mouth. Ali felt on fire. She burned for more of Ashlyn. 

Her girlfriend continued her journey down to the waist of Ali's pants and finally took a break from all her hard work.

"Why, Alex? Too many buttons." Ali's jeans had a button fly instead of a good old fashioned zipper. Too much work, Ashlyn thought.

"Take em off, NOW!" Ashlyn ordered. 

Ali tried to unbutton them but her hands were shaking. She bucked her hips up towards Ashlyn as if begging her for help. 

Ashlyn quickly took over the task and yanked the denim off of her. All the movement pulled Ali farther down the bed and gave Ashlyn an idea.

She raised her body off of Ali and gave her one last hard kiss. She took in Ali's naked upper body and smirked at her girlfriend. She stared long and hard into Ali's eyes waiting for her to beg her to finish what she started.

"Please, baby..." Ali moaned. 

That was all Ashlyn needed to hear. She stepped off the bed, confusing Ali. Ash went to the foot of the bed where Ali's feet were slightly hanging off of. 

Ashlyn knelt down so that her head was just above the top of the mattress. She positioned herself perfectly for her next move. 

Ashlyn pulled Ali by the thighs towards her. She pulled her right up to the edge of the bed. Ashlyn popped her head up so that Ali could get a good look at her before Ashlyn planned to make her see stars. 

"These need to come off, too." She said with two fingers laid flat on the inside of Ali's lace panties.

"Take em off!" This time it was Ali doing the ordering.

Ashlyn gave her a cocky grin and stood up. She grabbed the elastic of the underwear and slowly pulled down. She pulled them to Ali's mid thigh and stopped. She looked up. Ali was ready to die. She needed Ashlyn now!

"Ashlyn, I swear to God..."

Ash pulled them down to her knees and gave a quick kiss to the inside of Ali's right thigh. And then looked up.

Ali was coming undone and it wasn't even time for the main event.

Ashlyn finished the tedious job of undressing her very frustrated girlfriend and pulled her even lower towards the edge of the bed.

Ash got back down on her knees and made a trail of kisses starting from her knee all the way up to where Ali had been longing for her the most. Once Ashlyn finally arrived at her desired destination Ali went wild!

...

 

The two women had been dating for 6 months. They knew that they were it for each other. They waited far too long to waste anymore time. 

"Baby, you never explained why you're here. Don't get me wrong I'm glad you're here I'm just shocked." Ali was playing with Ashlyn's hair as she laid on her stomach. 

"I told you it's your birthday. That's why I'm here."

"But it's too expensive!" Ali was always worried about Ashlyn spending too much on her. She loved it, but she knew Ash was on a tight budget. It was one of the many things she sacrificed to play the game she loved.

Ali tried to talk her into playing for a team in Germany where she would make more money and be closer to her but Ash always said she didn't feel right being so far away from family. She knew that family was important to her so she didn't push the issue.

"It's not too expensive... I've been saving up for this trip before we even started dating."

"What?" Ali couldn't understand why Ashlyn would do that.

"I wanted to visit you ever since you moved out here, but you iced me out, man. So I held off the trip." 

"Are you kidding me? You've planned this for 2 years."

"Almost." Ash answered.

"Aww" Ali was smitten. And then she remembered what else Ashlyn had said. "Hey!" Ali smacked her girlfriend's arm. "I didn't ice you out. I was going through stuff."

"Well, most people who 'go through stuff' go through it with their best friend. I'm just say'n."

"Can we please change the subject or are you trying to make me cry on my birthday?" Ali never meant to hurt Ashlyn and this conversation was not making her feel good about herself.

"Yes we can change the subject and also," Ash raised her head up so she could get Ali's reaction. "Your birthday isn't for another 2 days so I can be as mean to you as I want."

Ashlyn didn't wait for a response. She bolted out of the room knowing her girlfriend wasn't gonna let her get away with giving her a hard time.

Ali ended up tackling Ashlyn, making her fall hard on the floor. Ashlyn let out a little yell but then continued through the apartment trying to keep away from Ali. 

...

The next day was all planned out by Ashlyn. She told Ali that she had a surprise for her and that she wasn't allowed to ask any questions until the time was right.

"How will I know when the time is right?" Ali asked.

"You'll just know." Ashlyn gave Ali an unsatisfactory answer in Ali's opinion

"Babe, check out my butt." Ash yelled from the bathroom.

"Ashlyn, I don't want to play any gross fart games with you, right now." Ali ignored Ashlyn's request and stayed right where she was.

"Babe, I'm serious."

No response from Ali.

"I come all the way to Germany and you can't even walk a few feet to the bathroom?" Ashlyn had walked out to the bed where Ali was sitting and gave her a stern look.

Ali just smiled up at her girlfriend.

"Fine." Ash said and turned around and mooned her girlfriend.

"What in the world, Ashlyn? How old are you?"

"Shut up! I'm trying to show you something." Sure enough on Ashlyn's right hipbone was a huge nasty bruise. "It's from when you tackled me yesterday."

"Ashlyn, I'm so sorry! Are you ok?" Ali finally gave Ash the attention she was looking for. She sprang up from the bed and took a closer look.

"Does it hurt?" Ali asked as she grazed her finger over it to see how big the bump was.

"Nah, not too much." Ashlyn really didn't care. She was still on an emotional high because she was finally close to her love. And she was excited about all she had planned for Ali's birthday.

"You about ready, woman?" Ash asked.

"I've been ready. I can't wait to get my birthday present."

"Who said I got you anything? I'm here. That's all the present you need, cougar."

"Stop it with that 'cougar' stuff. And I know you got me something. So don't try to play it off." Ali thought she was so smart.

...

Ashlyn drove Ali's car for THREE long hours. Ali was getting frustrated. Where in the world was Ashlyn taking her?

"What the heck, Ash? I don't mean to be a bad sport but where are we going? This is taking forever!" Ali was getting impatient in her old age.

"Babe, forever is if I were driving you to New York. This is nothing. Have patience, princess."

Ali let out a long and frustrated sigh. She just had to trust Ashlyn.

...

Ashlyn finally pulled up to an old looking brick building that Ali had never seen before. Ash hurried to open the door for her beautiful and confused girlfriend.

The two women walked into the building hand in hand. Ali noticed that Ashlyn couldn't keep from smiling.

Ali wondered what in the world Ashlyn had planned.

Ashlyn gave the name of the man she was there to see to the woman at the front desk. The receptionist made a quick call and told them to have a seat. 

A kind looking man greeted the woman a few minutes later. "Ashlyn, finally we get to meet in person."

Ali was more confused than ever.

"Hello, sir. Thank you for seeing me today." Ashlyn said.

"Come on back and we can get everything taken care of."

Ali followed Ashlyn as Ash followed the man. She pulled on Ash's arm. "Is it time for me to ask questions yet because this is weird."

"No." Ash couldn't help but smile as she saw the confusion on her girlfriend's face.

"Go ahead and have a seat." The man brought them to a room with a long table inside. He pulled out a folder and gave it to Ashlyn. "Everything is just as we talked about."

"Great!" Ashlyn said. "Do you have a pen?"

The man handed her a pen and she signed several pages and then slid the closed folder back to the man.

The man smiled and stood up. He held out his hand for Ashlyn to shake.

"Welcome to Duisburg!"

Ashlyn smiled and then looked at her very shocked girlfriend.

"Did he just say?" Ali was stunned. "You..." She pointed at Ash but couldn't finish her thought.

"I'm moving to Germany, Alex. I'm playing for Duisburg!" 

Ali jumped out of her seat and into Ashlyn's arms. She couldn't believe it. All she ever wanted was to have Ashlyn nearby. 

"What about your family?" Ali asked.

"Alex, you're my family now."

...

Ali was on cloud 9. Having Ashlyn play in Germany was more than she ever could have expected.

"How long did you have this planned?" Ali asked.

"My agent has been working on it since January. I told him I was willing to play anywhere if it meant I could be close to you. I was shocked that Duisburg actually wanted me." Ash smiled. "No joke. They're gonna pay me and everything." Ashlyn started laughing.

"Why wouldn't they want you, Ash? You're great!"

"Well, I really would've played for free if it meant I could be here with you. I couldn't take the distance anymore."

Ali leaned in to kiss her amazing girlfriend. 

"I feel like our life together is just starting, you know? Finally we can be together!" Ali couldn't contain her happiness. Ashlyn held her tight when she heard Ali say, "Best birthday present ever!"

Ash smiled and answered her, "Who said this was your birthday present?"

"You got me something else?" Ali asked.

"I guess you're gonna have to wait and see."

...

 

The next day was Ali's birthday. Ashlyn greeted her with her favorite breakfast in bed and a foot massage to start the day.

"I wrote you a poem, babe."

Ali was touched...and then Ash started speaking.

"Ali, oh Ali. What do you know?  
I just moved here from uh Buffalo.  
I think you're hot. I think you're great.  
Won't you let me take you on uh date?"

The end.

"That was the worst poem I've ever heard." Ali said.

Ashlyn just laughed. She actually had just made it up on the spot. She wanted to make Ali smile.

"You're such a goof! I thought you were serious." Ali threw a piece of her toast at Ashlyn.

"Sorry, babe. I guess my romance tank is on empty today. Hopefully you'll still have a good birthday."

Ali couldn't believe she was going to get to see her favorite dork on a more regular basis.

...

Ashlyn took Ali shopping for shoes and jewelry. Ali was in heaven. Ashlyn took her to get a mani and pedi. She got them both massages and took Ali to her favorite restaurant for dinner. 

The next stop on the Ali birthday train was to take a hot air balloon ride. Ashlyn timed it perfectly. They had just enough time to make it up with a few minutes to spare before the sun started setting.

As the sun began to drop Ashlyn noticed goosebumps on Ali's exposed skin. Ash put her arms around Ali to transfer some of her body heat to Ali. 

Ashlyn waited until the absolute perfect moment. She removed her arms from around Ali and knelt down to tie her shoe. 

"Baby, hurry up. You need to see this sunset." Ashlyn was taking too long in Ali's opinion.

"Seriously, sweetheart. Stand up!" Ali bent down to pull Ashlyn up by her arms.

"Hold on." Ashlyn struggled against Ali's efforts.

"Seriously, Ash. Leave your stupid shoe alone and come look at this. It's so beautiful." Ali continued to tug on her girlfriend.

"Alex.." Ashlyn was cut off by Ali's pulling on her arm.

"Stop it, you idiot. I'm trying to propose to you!" Ashlyn freed herself from Ali's grip and watched her girlfriend look at her in shock.

"What?"

"Alex...I'm gonna need you to shut that beautiful mouth of yours for just a minute."

"Ok."

Ashlyn took in a deep, shaky breath.

"Alex, you are the only good thing that has ever happened to me. You are my life. I never even knew what happiness was before I met you. I knew that day that I saw you for the first time, that you were it for me. We have spent too long apart and I just can't do it anymore. You're my life. You are my family."

Ashlyn took a breath and looked down. She looked back up at the love of her life. 

She said with a shy and nervous smile on her face.

"Alexandra, my angel...Will you marry me?"

Ali pulled Ashlyn up and was completely unable to put any words together. She cried into Ashlyn's shoulder and shook her head 'yes' as hard as she could. 

After a few moments she pulled back and said, "Yes, I'll marry you!"

The two shared a long kiss as they floated with the clouds in the hot air balloon. With the sunset as their backdrop everything was perfect.

Their perfect moment was interrupted by Ashlyn.

"Oh shoot! I completely forgot!" Ashlyn went digging in her pocket.

She pulled out a princess cut diamond ring. 

"Ash, it's beautiful." Ali couldn't take her eyes off of it.

"Give me your hand." Ashlyn slowly placed the ring on her fiancé's finger.

"Ashlyn, seriously. It's so beautiful."

"Not as beautiful as you."

...

Ashlyn had one more surprise for Ali, well...technically two.

When the women finally made it back to Ali's apartment Ashlyn took her time making it to Ali's front door.

When Ali opened the door she was surprised to see her apartment filled with her teammates. They had decorated with streamers, balloons and happy birthday banners.

Ashlyn didn't tell them that she was proposing, she just told them to be there for a surprise birthday party.

"Ashlyn, did you do this?" Ali asked.

"I had a little help." Ashlyn showed Ali her final birthday present. "I knew you would want him here."

Ashlyn had flown out Ali's brother, Kyle. 

"Hey girl!" Kyle scooped up his sister in to a big hug.

For the millionth time that day Ali was shedding happy tears. She held on to her brother for a long meaningful moment and then finally brought her left hand up for her brother to see.

"She finally did it!" Kyle exclaimed.

"You knew?" Ali asked Kyle.

Ashlyn answered for him. "I asked both him and your dad's permission last month."

"You did?" The fact that Ash included Kyle in her planning meant the world to Ali. 

"Let me see that ring again." Kyle grabbed Ali's hand and stared at it in amazement.

"She forgot to give it to me at first." Ali informed her brother.

"I did not!" Ash defended. "I was just making sure you wanted to marry me for me and not the shiny diamond in front of you." 

"Yeah right, baby. Whatever you say." Ali leaned into her fiancé and gave her a kiss.

"I wanted to make sure you chose me for me and not just for the bling." Ash said.

"Wow, you really are a poet." Ali said as she rolled her eyes.

"Did that rhyme?" Ash asked.

Ali just laughed at her clueless fiancé. She couldn't be happier.

"Ash, I will always choose you. Every single time."

"You promise?" Ash asked.

"I promise."


	62. Flowers & Forgiveness

Ali had just finished up working in the garden with Lex. The two of them had handfuls of tomatoes and cucumbers. 

Sam had his own cherry tomato plant but there were never any tomatoes because he would eat them right off the vine. His parents tried to encourage him to at least wash them first but he wasn't the best listener.

"Look at all the yummy vegetables we picked." Ali said to Jake and Sam.

"When you can grow pizza, then I'll be impressed." Jacob joked. He never had to eat vegetables before he came to the Krieger-Harris household and he was still getting used to the idea.

"Well, for your information, teenager, tomatoes are 1/3 the ingredients for pizza. So..." Ali paused for effect." "Take that!" Ali set her son straight and then gave him a kiss on the top of the head while he continued to play his xbox.

Jake just smiled to himself. He loved his mom. And he really loved his family. 

"Where's your mom?" Ali asked.

"She's laying down. She said the game was too loud. I told her I would turn it down but she said not to worry about it." Jacob answered.

Ali put the veggies in the kitchen and decided to check on her wife.

Their bedroom was completely dark. Ashlyn was on her stomach and had her head under her pillow. Ali knew she must not be feeling well. She sat down on the side of the bed next to her and rubbed her back up and down. She didn't want to wake her if she was asleep.

Ashlyn must have been at least partially awake because she rolled over to her back, keeping the pillow against her head, and felt for Ali's hand.

"Is it your head, baby?" Ali whispered.

"Yeah." Ash whispered even quieter back.

"Do we need to go to the hospital?"

"No. It's just a bad headache."

All Ali could do was trust that her wife could tell the difference between a bad headache and something worse.

"What can I do to help?" Ali asked.

Ashlyn didn't answer with words. She pulled Ali down gently by the hand she was holding and Ali carefully took her usual spot. She placed her head on Ashlyn's shoulder and snuggled up close to her. She hugged her waist with one arm and laid kisses on Ashlyn's neck.

Ashlyn finally was able to fall asleep.

...

After an hour of being unsupervised Sam and Lex were fighting and were making it difficult for Jake to concentrate on his game. He decided to look for his parents.

He knocked lightly on the door and waited to hear Ali quietly welcome him in. He opened the door to find Ali awake but their usual roles reversed. Ashlyn had moved to her shoulder now.

Ali put a finger up to her lips to signal for him to be quiet. She motioned for him to come sit next to her on the bed.

"Is she ok?" Jake whispered.

"Yeah, I think so. But we'll get her checked out tomorrow just to be sure." Ali answered.

Ali noticed that Jacob looked off. He's normally a young man of few words, so she was learning to ask questions to pull information out of him. It was rare for him to ever volunteer anything on his own.

"Are you ok? You look worried." Ali said.

"I don't know." Jacob shrugged.

"The doctor said that she would keep having headaches for a while. We just need to be cautious and keep an eye on it. Your mama has been extra careful. If she was more worried we would be at the hospital, right now." Ali put a hand on her son's leg and squeezed. "She's gonna be ok."

"I hope so." His heart didn't seem comforted by Ali's words.

...

Ashlyn and Ali did get an appointment the following day and the doctor said the headaches were from her brain injury and the jolt of her accident made it worse. He told them to be careful and make sure Ash didn't do anything too active that could cause further injury. But overall he didn't seem worried about her symptoms. He told them it was just going to take time and 'hopefully' the severity of the symptoms would go away. 

They were happy to hear that she wasn't in danger of dying at the moment, but he wasn't very optimistic about her head problems going away anytime soon, if ever. 

This did not bode well for Ashlyn's future as a soccer player.

...

The two women had to pick up their kids on the way home from Ashlyn's appointment.

"Are you ok?" Ali asked. She was watching her wife drive with a very contemplative look on her face.

"Huh? What?" Ash had no idea what her wife asked.

Ali put a hand on Ashlyn's thigh and asked, "I asked if you're ok?"

"Uh, yeah." Ash answered. 

Ali didn't seem convinced. After a moment's hesitation Ashlyn followed up her statement. 

"I'm not dying. So...that's good." Ashlyn gave her wife a forced smile.

Ali saw right through her.

"Baby, give it some time before you start thinking the worst."

"I know."

...

"Hey Al, can I run something by you real quick?" Ashlyn had been thinking a lot about her accident lately.

"Of course." Ali put down the knife she was using to cut up cucumbers.

"Well, I was thinking about that boy who hit us. I wondered if we should contact his parents."

"You mean to like...sue them?" Ali couldn't imagine why Ash would want to talk to them. That boy almost killed half their family.

"No, I mean" Ashlyn was struggling to find the right words. "To reach out to them. They lost their son. I just feel bad, I guess."

"Ashlyn, I don't really think that's appropriate. Besides he almost killed you and Sam. I'm not sure I could look his mother in the eye and have any sympathy."

"You don't mean that." Ashlyn couldn't believe Ali could be so heartless.

"I do mean that. That boy drove straight into you. A piece of metal came inches from Samuel's head. If you wouldn't have kept his head from going all the way forward our son would be dead!"

"But he's not!" 

"What?" Ali didn't understand why Ashlyn was getting so defensive.

"OUR son. He's not dead. He's alive. He's happy. He's perfectly healthy. THEIR son, who was only a couple years older than Jake, made a mistake. And now he's dead."

Ashlyn was right and Ali knew it. 

"I'm sorry. You're right. But what could we possibly do?" Ali asked.

"I don't know. I was hoping you'd have an idea."

"I guess we could send flowers." Ali thought out loud.

"That's a start."

...

Ashlyn and Ali walked up to the front door of a run down apartment in a bad part of town. Ash nervously knocked twice. She held a flower pot with colorful daisies in her hands. Ali could see her wife was very anxious.

The women were able to find the address to the boy's house on the police report from the accident. They received a copy from the police for insurance purposes.

"Sweetheart, we don't have to do this." Ali said, but before Ashlyn could answer, a woman about their age opened the door.

"Hello." 

"Hi." Ashlyn's voice was shaking. Ali was about to step in but Ashlyn gave her hand a squeeze.

"I don't know if you know me, but..."

The woman cut her off. "I remember you." The woman's face was covered in grief and guilt. "I saw the firefighters remove you from your car. I recognize your tattoos." She pointed at Ashlyn's arm.

Ashlyn looked down at her arm. She still had cuts and bruises from the accident. "Oh, yeah." 

"I'm so sorry." The woman moved to hide her face behind the doorframe where she was standing. She poked her head back out. "Is the child ok?"

This time Ali spoke, "Yes, he's fine. His name is Sam." For some reason Ali thought she would want to know his name.

"My son's name was James. He was all I had in this world. I had him when I was a kid. Everyone told me I threw away my future. He became my future. And now..." Ali stepped toward her and took her into her arms. She held her while the woman sobbed.

Ashlyn cleared her throat after the woman had calmed down. Ali was still holding her. Ali could never stand by and watch someone suffer.

"I, um, I don't really know what to say. I just wanted to give you these flowers and let you know how sorry we are for your loss. I wish there was something we could do. And um..."

Ashlyn sniffed back some tears that were threatening to spill. "I just wanted to say that I forgive him. It was a terrible accident. I know he was probably a good kid and he didn't deserve what happened. And neither do you."

Ashlyn released the woman from her guilt.

"And, um...would you like to come to dinner with us sometime? Maybe after everything calms down?"

Ali didn't know Ash was gonna say all that. She was truly speechless.

"Maybe."

"I wrote our number on the card. I just thought that maybe you wouldn't want to go through this alone. Of course, I understand if you'd rather stay away from us too." Ashlyn was starting to ramble. Ali put an arm around Ash's waist and signaled that this might be a good time for them to go.

"Ok well...bye." Ash turned to leave and then stopped suddenly. She turned around and handed the flowers to the woman. "Sorry. I almost forgot."

Ash and Ali made it to Ali's car and Ash looked like she wished she never would have visited the woman.

"What's wrong, Ash?"

"I must've sounded so stupid. I didn't know what to say. Why did I ever want to do this in the first place?" Ashlyn was sure she made a fool of herself and possibly made things worse for the grieving mother.

"Sweetheart, you were perfect. You may not have said everything exactly right but believe me your heart came through perfectly. She needed to hear what you had to say and I'm proud of you for saying it."

Ali was beyond proud. She was amazed. Ashlyn had been through so much and she was looking to help someone else in their time of need. Her wife deserved the very best this world had to offer. It wasn't fair the amount of suffering that she has had to endure.

But then again, Ali knew that it was the pain that made her who she was. And she was truly great.


	63. I'd Cross the Ocean for You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short flashback chapter. There should be another chapter later today.

FLASHBACK

"Aw, Baby." Ali had seen her fiancé for the first time since Ashlyn visited her for her birthday proposal. This time the visit wasn't a surprise and Ali was waiting for her at the airport.

Ashlyn needed to set up her new apartment and start rehab for her shoulder. She had recently gotten surgery and her shoulder and arm were in a big brace keeping them immobile. Ali knew the plane ride must've been miserable for Ashlyn.

"Hey." Ash greeted Ali with a one armed hug. She sounded tired.

"Hey, love." Ali gave her a kiss and grabbed her bag.

...

"So you're gonna be staying here for a couple days while we get you all set up." Ali had been taking care of most of the details for her fiancé. It was just easier that way. Ali was better at that kind of stuff and occasionally her ability to speak German was necessary.

"Let's see, I've got a new recliner for you, since you can't lay down after the surgery. Hopefully you'll be able to get some sleep."

Ali showed her the new piece of furniture and told her to try and get some rest while she was gone.

"I already called in your prescription and will pick it up at the pharmacy down the street. I'll get it on the way back from practice. I won't be gone long."

Ali wished she had the whole day off but unfortunately she had team responsibilities. She brought Ashlyn some snacks and a mini cooler with ice and a few bottles of water. She put the tv remote and her laptop within reach of her fiancé. She didn't want Ashlyn to worry about a thing. What she really wanted and hoped for was that Ash would be able to sleep the whole time she was gone.

"You can sleep or watch tv or whatever while I'm gone. Just please don't hurt yourself. I love you." Ali gave her a kiss.

"Love you, too. Thanks." Ashlyn wished she could have carried Ali into the bedroom to greet and thank her properly but she was restricted to one armed hugs, at the moment.

Ali hated leaving her but knew it would only be for a few hours. Ali also felt great knowing she was finally in Germany to stay. She couldn't ask for more.

...

Ashlyn did end up falling asleep but during her nap she rolled onto her injured shoulder. She woke up in terrible pain. She tried to blink away the tears in her eyes, but the pain caused them to keep coming.

Once she caught her breath she checked her phone and saw Ali was gonna be away for at least another hour. She remembered Ali told her that the pharmacy with her pain medication was down the street. She didn't know which way down the street or how far, but it gave her something to do to take her mind off of her discomfort.

Ashlyn ventured out on the streets of her new home country and realized pretty quickly that she might be in over her head. She came across a pharmacy and tried to find out if it was the right one but the woman behind the counter didn't speak English. 

Ashlyn had no choice but to go back to Ali's apartment. She was frustrated and hurting. When she got to Ali's door she realized she locked herself out. Everything seemed to be going wrong for her. 

She sat against the door waiting for her future wife to return, and questioned if she had made the right decision. She didn't know the language, her friends and family were so far away, and she can't even buy medication on her own. Not to mention Ali's front door seemed to be plotting against her too.

All she could do was cry and wait for Ali to come home.

...

Ali took a quick shower after practice. She was in a hurry to check on Ashlyn. She still needed to stop at the pharmacy and also pick up something to eat. 

Ali returned home with a bag of carry-out Chinese food and Ash's prescription. She dropped both bags when she saw Ash lying on the ground in front of her door.

"Ash, are you ok?" Ali pulled Ash up to a sitting position.

"Ugh, I guess I fell asleep." Ash cleared her throat and put her head against Ali's chest.

"Why are you out here? Are you ok?"

"I locked myself out."

"Why did you leave the apartment in the first place?" Ali thought she had everything set up so that Ashlyn could just relax.

"I laid on my shoulder weird and thought I would try to get my medicine on my own." Ash put her head down. She felt so discouraged.

"What happened, baby?"

"I found a pharmacy, but I didn't know how to ask in German if they had my prescription. So I came back here and found out I forgot a key to get in."

Ali could tell Ashlyn was really discouraged. She knew that after a long uncomfortable plane ride, plus her shoulder pain, Ashlyn must have been physically and emotionally exhausted. Usually Ashlyn would laugh off these sort of things but she was too overwhelmed to stay optimistic.

"I'm sorry, baby." Ali helped her up and gave her a kiss. She unlocked the door for Ashlyn and then hurried to pick up the bags she had earlier dropped.

"Sit down and I'll get you your pain medication." Ali hurried to open the bottle and make sure to give Ash the right dose. Ash took it gladly and leaned back into the recliner.

Ali sat on the arm of the chair and stroked Ashlyn's head, trying to help her relax. 

"Did I make the right decision?" Ashlyn asked. "I'm not like you. I can't just pick up German. How am I gonna do this?"

"Ashlyn, it's ok. It's your first afternoon here. When I first moved here I freaked out. But I'm here and I'm gonna help you. I promise it will get easier."

Ali knew exactly how Ashlyn was feeling. Moving so far away from everything you've ever known is terrifying. She knew with Ashlyn's surgery and exhaustion level that her fiancé wasn't regretting her decision, she was just scared.

Ashlyn enjoyed some pain-free sleep and woke up with a much brighter outlook on life.

...

"So how's the wedding planning going?" Ashlyn asked.

Ali couldn't help but laugh. 

"Well, my fiancé hasn't been much help but things are moving along nicely."

"How do you do it? You're superwoman. You're planning our wedding, most of my moving stuff and you keep me out of trouble" Ash grinned, "for the most part, anyway."

"What did you do?" Ali knew Ash was capable of finding trouble just about anywhere.

"Nothing. I'm just messing with ya." Ashlyn laughed at her soon to be wife's concern.

"This is what I have to look forward to for the rest of my life." Ali joked. 

"You ain't seen nothing yet, honey."

...

Ashlyn loved having Ali so close by. They were able to see each other at least two days a week and once Ashlyn felt a little more comfortable with her new team and apartment she knew she'd made the right decision. 

Her big risk had paid off and she knew she would never regret moving across an ocean for Ali. She would do a lot more than that for her. She would give her the world if she could.

And Ali felt the same way about Ashlyn. She had never known love like this. But now that she had known it, she knew she could never live without it.


	64. A Hand in the Storm

FLASHBACK

"Ashlyn, it's not that I don't love you. It's just that everything's moving so fast!" Ali was trying to get out of the hole she dug herself into.

"You said you don't want to marry me. How else am I supposed to take that?" Ashlyn screamed into her phone.

Ali hated that she had to have this conversation over the phone but Ashlyn asked her what was bothering her. She couldn't lie.

"It's just..." Ali paused, she knew she needed to be careful with the words she chose. "It's just we got engaged, and then you moved out here, and now we're gonna get married in 2 months. I just...it's overwhelming. I just wonder if we're moving too fast."

They were moving fast, that was certain. But they knew that going into this. They both had loved each other secretly for years and once they got together they were farther along in their relationship than a normal couple just starting out.

"Whatever, Alex. I'm done." Ashlyn hung up on her fiancé. Or ex-fiancé? Ali wasn't sure.

...

Ashlyn hung up the phone and felt an ache in her chest. Her life was over. Ali was everything to her. She abandoned everything to be with her and now Ali didn't want her anymore.

Of course she didn't want to marry her, Ashlyn thought. She probably figured out that she was too good for her. She probably came to her senses and realized that Ashlyn was a screw up. She came from a dysfunctional family and was damaged beyond repair. Ali was smart to run.

Ashlyn was up all night thinking about all the ways she wasn't good enough for Ali. She determined that it really was in Ali's best interest to stay away from her. Ashlyn decided right then and there that she would do her best to let Ali go. Because all she really wanted was for Ali to be happy.

...

Ashlyn was supposed to take the train to Ali's place the next day after her rehab. That's how their week's always went. One of them would visit the other on their day off. This time it was planned for Ashlyn to visit Ali. 

Ashlyn didn't show up. 

Ali tried calling her and she wouldn't answer. She came up with imaginary scenarios in her head of why Ashlyn could be late, but it ended up being simply because she didn't come.

Ali waited too long before it dawned on her that she could have went to Ashlyn's apartment. By the time she thought of it she wouldn't have enough time to get back for practice the next morning.

Ali tried calling Ashlyn over and over again, but Ashlyn never answered. It was as if she fell of the face of the earth. Ali knew that she couldn't stand by and let her life fall apart. Everything she ever wanted was summed up in a person. Ashlyn was that person. She couldn't let one fight ruin her entire life.

She continued to call, even though the messages she had left had filled up Ashlyn's voicemail, she kept calling anyway.

They didn't speak that entire week. Ali ended up taking a risk and visiting Ashlyn on her day off the next week. She had tried to call her several times a day, every day, but Ash didn't pick up. She felt sick thinking of how angry Ashlyn must've been with her.

When she arrived at Ash's apartment Ashlyn's roommate was there but Ashlyn was not. Her roommate tried to stay out of it, but she ended up letting it spill that Ash was with Niki in Munich.

Ali was angry and hurt. Ash could have at least told her she wouldn't be around. Maybe Ashlyn really did break-up with her.

Ali decided she would wait at Ashlyn's apartment until either Ash returned or the last train left for Frankfurt.

Ashlyn's roommate texted her and warned her that Ali was waiting there. Ash didn't come home that night.

Ali took the train home staring off into nowhere and mindlessly playing with her engagement ring.

...

Two weeks later Frankfurt was scheduled to play Duisburg. Ali knew there was no way Ash could avoid her. They were both going to be in the same place at the same time, and Ali was going to make sure she didn't waste the opportunity.

The game was a blow-out. Ali didn't celebrate for any of her team's 6 goals. Instead she would steal glances at the bench and try to gauge Ashlyn's attitude to finally being in the same place together. She caught Ashlyn's eyes a few times but Ashlyn quickly turned away.

After the game Ali found Ash. It was obvious Ashlyn was trying to avoid her but she had nowhere to go.

"Ash, can I talk to you for a minute?"

Ashlyn turned in the opposite direction and tried to walk away. Ali grabbed her injured shoulder by mistake. That definitely got a response from Ashlyn.

"What's the matter with you? Why did you do that? Are you trying to hurt me more? Haven't you done enough?" Ashlyn yelled and then realized they were in public and held back the rest of what she wanted to say.

"Ashlyn, I'm sorry. I honestly forgot." Ali apologized and took a step closer to her. "You've been avoiding me for 3 weeks. I just want to talk to you."

"You made it pretty clear, Ali. You don't want me in your life. So now I'm just trying to live my life, that was completely built around you, by the way. How else am I supposed to respond? I'm in Germany for you. And now..." Ashlyn decided she had said enough. "You know what, never mind."

"Ashlyn, I never said that!" Ali reached out for Ashlyn in both her words and touch. She placed a hand on Ashlyn's arm. "I said we were moving really fast. I got cold feet. Planning the wedding freaked me out a little bit, but that's it."

Ali gripped Ashlyn's bicep and said, "I didn't break up with you. I thought you broke up with me. I've been trying to talk to you to beg you to take me back."

"What?" Ashlyn looked so sad and confused.

"I didn't break up with you!" Ali made sure Ashlyn understood.

"You didn't? But I thought..."

"And I thought YOU broke up with me." Ali said. "Please forgive me for my temporary insanity. I love you and your all I want...forever."

"You still want to marry me?" Ash asked in almost a whisper.

"Of course! Who else would I want to spend my life with?"

Ali watched Ashlyn soften in front of her. She saw the wall that Ash had built up between them crumble to the ground.

"Can I hug you?" Ali asked. Ash shook her head 'yes' and Ali quickly removed the rest of the space between them.

"I'm sorry." Ashlyn mumbled into Ali's shoulder. 

"Me, too." Ali returned.

...

The two ended up spending the rest of the night 'making up.' Afterward Ali asked Ashlyn why she didn't answer any of her calls.

"I don't know. I guess I thought you were better off without me. I knew that if I did talk to you I wouldn't be able to stay away." Ashlyn said. She was holding Ali as they laid in her bed trying to catch their breath.

"Why would you ever think I'm better off without you? There's no one I could be better with." Ali said. She rolled into Ashlyn's side so that her lips were against her skin. After pressing a few kisses on Ash's chest she continued. 

"Ash, I need you to know that I'm not going to leave you. I completely understand why you might worry about that, but I'm not like your mom and dad. I can see you for you. You're amazing. You're worth every second of my life spent with you. I'm not ever going to want a life apart from you."

"You don't know that." Ashlyn answered. "Maybe right now you love me but you don't know about tomorrow. What if you change your mind?" Ash asked.

"I can't think of a scenario where that could every happen. If you keep loving me, I'll keep loving you. Deal?" Ali stuck her hand up for Ashlyn to shake.

"Deal." Ash said. She knew that if Ali really meant what she said then she had nothing to worry about. Ashlyn will love Ali for the rest of her life. 

It would take years for Ashlyn to know beyond a doubt that Ali meant what she said that night. But once she was confident in her wife's faithful love and support she felt like a different person. Ali gave her a new outlook on life. 

The two were in it together. No matter what may come, they knew they would always have the other's hand to hold during the storm.


	65. Hold On

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. Inspired by recent events I decided to write this chapter.
> 
> 2\. Warning: Talk of suicide. It's not graphic but it is discussed.
> 
> 3\. I want to be really sensitive about this topic so please forgive me if anyone is hurt or offended by this chapter.
> 
> 4\. I have a bunch of prompts for Tobin and Sam interactions and though this chapter does include Tobin, this is not one of those prompts. Those prompts will be coming later.

Tobin was in town because of the death of a close friend. The funeral was about a 40 minute drive away from the Krieger-Harris home and Alex wanted to make sure Tobin was well taken care of in her absence.

"Hey, Tobs." Ash hurried to grab her long time friend's suitcase and led the way to her Jeep.

"I thought your wife was picking me up." Tobin said.

"She got held up with the kids. Don't worry. The doctor cleared me to drive. I won't wreck us." Ash joked.

"I wasn't worried about that." Tobin wasn't her usual upbeat self. Ashlyn wasn't really expecting her to be. Tobin wasn't visiting for a happy reason. She was there to say a final good-bye to her childhood friend.

"Too bad Alex couldn't make it." Ashlyn was trying to fill the awkward silence.

"Yeah, we really need her to play if we hope to make the playoffs so..." Tobin let her sentence hang in the air and watched the raindrops as they fell against her window.

Ashlyn reached over the center console and grabbed her friend's hand. "We're here for you, Tobin. You know we love you and will do anything we can to help you through this."

Tobin nodded. She did know she had the full support of her friends. She was very thankful for them. But some wounds are harder to heal than others.

"So um, we sent Sam to spend the night with Ali's dad. We weren't sure if you'd be up to hanging with him. Of course we can pick him up at anytime if you think you're up to it. I know he's pretty good at cheering me up when I'm feeling bummed."

"It might be better for him to stay with his grandpa. I don't want him to worry." Tobin didn't have the energy to play with her favorite boy and she didn't think he could take her very different demeanor.

When the two women arrived at the house Ali swallowed Tobin up in a hug. She could tell right away that she was having a hard time with everything.

"Did you call Alex and let her know you landed?" Ali asked. Alex had already checked up on her and called Ali but she didn't want Tobin to feel bad for forgetting. 

"Oh crap! I haven't called her yet. I totally forgot." Tobin pulled out her phone and excused herself to another room while she called her girlfriend.

"How is she?" Ali whispered to her wife.

"Not good. I've actually never seen her like this." Ashlyn was worried about her friend.

"She'll be ok, baby. If anyone has enough faith to get through something like this it's Tobin."

"Yeah, I know. It just sucks."

Tobin returned with red eyes and a forced smile. 

"Tobin, so you wanna rest for awhile?" Ali asked and then instructed her wife to take her bag into the guest room. "We're probably gonna have dinner in about an hour. You're welcome to take a nap or hang out with us. Ash has been watching shark week for the last couple of days. So I'm sure that's where we'll be."

"Yup!" Ashlyn yelled on her way back from the guest room. "You've got our last empty room. We've been filling em up with kids lately." Ash joked. 

Ali felt her phone vibrate and saw she had a text message. It was from Alex. She asked that she keep an eye on Tobin. She confirmed that Tobin was really upset. She told her to make sure she eats and takes care of herself.

Alex knew that they were good enough friends that she could make these sort of requests. Ashlyn and Tobin were practically twins. Alex knew Ali took good care of Ashlyn so she would be a natural with Tobin too.

Ali responded immediately, letting her know that she would take care of everything.

...

The rain continued to fall outside but the Krieger-Harris house had an awning that covered their backyard deck. Ashlyn and Tobin sat outside listening to the rain hit the roof of the house. There wasn't much talking going on at first, but the quiet between friends was good for Tobin's soul.

After a while Ashlyn broke the silence. "How did your friend pass away, Tobs?"

Tobin cleared her throat. She felt a huge lump rising and tears starting to push against her eyelids.

"Pete...his name was Pete. Anyway, he was really depressed, I guess. Even though no one knew it. I guess he got tired of the hurt and took his own life." Tobin sniffed trying to keep from letting the tears fall down her face.

"That's terrible." Ashlyn didn't know what else to say.

"He was always the life of the party. I feel so stupid. If I would've known I would've said something. I would've tried to help him."

"I know what it's like to go through stuff and feel like I have to keep it to myself. It drives Ali crazy when I do that." Ashlyn felt stupid. She shouldn't have said that. "I mean, it's not his fault. I'm just saying..."

"It's ok. I know what you mean." Tobin rescued her friend from having to try to make up for what she said.

"It seems so senseless, you know? But I don't blame him. He was one of the best people I ever knew. He must have really been miserable." Tobin started to sob. She put her face in her hands and tried to cover her tears. Ashlyn put an arm around her and waited out the cries of her friend's broken heart.

...

Tobin excused herself to her room to get cleaned up for dinner. Ash helped Ali set the table while they waited for Jake and Tobin to join them. When Ali dropped off Sam, Lex decided she wanted some grandpa time too. So they just had their oldest child with them.

"How is she?" Ali asked.

"Not good. Her friend took his own life." Ashlyn said as she tried to look around the corner to make sure no one was coming.

"What? Poor Tobin!" Ali knew Tobin well. Tobin is the one who always tried to look for the light in the darkness. And she is always trying to point it out to those who need to see it the most. But something like this makes it difficult to see anything at all.

Jake made it to dinner first. Ash and Ali weren't sure how 'adult' the conversation might get so they had a back up plan, just in case.

"Sweetheart, Tobin is going through some tough stuff so there might be a time when we ask you to go to another room. It's not because we are mad at you or anything. Ok?" Ali said as Jake was washing his hands at the kitchen sink.

"Ok." Jake would rather not be in an awkward or boring conversation anyway. Especially when there are video games to be played.

Tobin finally made it to dinner and she looked different. Her eyes seemed dimmer somehow.

"Hey man." Tobin gave Jake a fist bump as a greeting and sat down with the family. "Can one of you take me to rent a car tomorrow morning?" Tobin asked.

"No need for that." Ash said. "I'll drive you."

"What?" Both Tobin and Ali were surprised by the offer

"You really don't have to do that." Tobin was surprised. Who in their right mind offers to go to a funeral in their spare time?

"It's no big deal. I've been thinking about it and I really want to go with you." Ashlyn answered. She looked at her wife and though she didn't use words she was begging her to support the idea.

Ali caught on to Ashlyn's wordless plea. "Yeah, Tobs. It makes sense. Ash has a free day tomorrow." Ash actually didn't have a free day but the two of them could work it out before tomorrow.

"I don't know. I don't want to be a bother."

"It would really mean a lot to me if you would let me take you." Ash said. Ashlyn actually would have rather done anything else over going to a stranger's funeral, but her friends and family are much more important to her than convenience and comfort.

"Ok, I guess." Tobin reluctantly agreed but secretly was grateful she didn't have to face this alone.

"So what happened to your friend?" Jake asked. So much for trying to protect him from such a heavy subject.

"Um." Tobin didn't know if she should tell him the truth. She looked to Ashlyn for help. Ash looked to Ali. Ali decided to answer for Tobin.

"Baby, he was very sad and he took his own life." Ali took Jake's hand like this was the first time he ever heard anything like this before.

"Oh. Ok." He replied as if it was no big deal. Ashlyn didn't take that well.

"What do you mean 'oh, ok?' This man was so sad that he lost sight of any hope. Do you think that's no big deal?" Ash asked.

Ali's eyes grew big. She could see that her wife was getting upset and this was the last thing Tobin, and probably Jake, needed.

"What?" Jake was clueless of what was wrong with his tone and what he said.

"That's a terrible and sad thing." Ash tried to drive her point.

"I've seen people do that." Jake said. He had no idea what he had just walked into.

"You what?" Ali asked concerned.

"Growing up I was basically on my own but there were some people around me, especially at night. We would all sleep in an alley to keep the wind from freezing us. A lot of them would talk about dying and being freed from their suffering. One guy was constantly saying that, 'freed from suffering.' One day I woke up and he was dead. He was free."

All the women were shocked. They were absolutely speechless. 

"What's the big deal? It's some dumb homeless guy. He was a drug addict. Nobody cared about him." He tried to make the women feel better by pointing out that he wasn't 'worth' much.

Ali knew Ash wasn't gonna let that fly.

"Jacob!" Ashlyn slammed her fist into the table. "That man is worth just as much as you or me or anyone else. His life is worth more than any of us could ever know. It is a tragedy that he felt no one cared about him. Guess what, son?" Ashlyn pointed to herself. "I care about him."

"I didn't mean anything by it. I'm just saying I understand why he thought it was better to die." Jake was actually scared by Ashlyn's response.

"Jacob, it is never better to give up on life. Look at you. At that time you were all alone. If you would have taken your life we never would have been able to know you or love you. In life there is always a chance that things are gonna get better. There is always hope."

Ashlyn saw how freaked out her son was. She knew he felt bad about what he said. She got up and walked over to his chair and made him scoot over enough for her to share the seat with him. She put an arm around him and continued.

"Son, I don't blame that man for what he did. He must've been hurting so much. But I believe there is always a better way. And I believe that the better way is to ask for help."

Ashlyn gave him a squeeze and Tobin interrupted.

"I know if my friend would have said something, I would have cared. I would have done everything in my power to help him."

Ali continued to hold Jake's hand and decided to get in on the conversation. "A lot of things can be fixed by asking for help. It's human nature to try to work things out on our own, but we need each other. If you ever feel hopeless and hurting promise me that you will say something." 

Jacob nodded his head in agreement. He turned toward Tobin and said, "I'm sorry about your friend. And I'm sorry if I made you cry."

"No worries, man. We're basically family. You can say whatever you want to me." Tobin answered.

Jake looked at his parents and then back at Tobin. "I don't think they agree with you." He gave her an exasperated smile and the laughter of Tobin was present again in the Krieger-Harris house.

...

 

The next morning Ali got both Ash and Tobin presentable for a formal occasion. She made sure they were both well fed and well dressed. 

"Sweetheart, make sure you take your anxiety medicine with you. This is gonna be a tough day." Ali gave her a bag already packed with snacks and all the possible meds she might need.

"Al, it's not my friend. You don't need to worry so much about me." Ash was definitely downplaying the stress of the day.

"Baby, please." That's all Ali needed to say. Ashlyn dropped it and promised she would take it if she needed it.

...

Ash and Tobin managed to keep the conversation light on the way to the service. Tobin seemed to be doing a little better than the night before.

Ashlyn pulled up to the church and started to open her door. She looked over and saw Tobin with her eyes shut and lips barely moving. She stopped immediately what she was doing and waited for Tobin to finish her prayer.

Several times that day people mistook Ashlyn for Alex. Both Ash and Tobin shared a laugh when asked if they were dating. Ash finally had too much of trying to be serious and told Tobin's friend that Tob's could never land someone as fine as her. They all shared a laugh at Tobin's expense.

On the ride back Tobin looked to be deep in thought.

"Whatcha thinking about?" Ash asked.

"I was just thinking about how grief is a funny thing. It looks different for different people. It's ok to smile and laugh when you're sad. It's ok not to, too."

"Yeah, I think that's definitely true."

"Ash, thanks for coming with me. Obviously I'm sentimental right now, but it means a lot to me that you're here. You didn't have to be. I would have understood and even expected for you not to be. But you really helped me. You helped me because you cared enough to get involved in a difficult and maybe awkward situation. I really appreciate that."

"No problem. That's what friends are for, right?" 

"Yeah, I think so. But we so easily get caught up in our own lives or not wanting to cause anyone to be uncomfortable that we stay away when we are needed the most. I just wonder if things could have been different for Pete. Ya know? I mean, what if someone would have seen that he seemed off? What if someone would've risked looking stupid and causing an awkward moment and just asked if he was ok? Maybe things could've been different."

"Yeah, I see what you mean. We definitely need to do a better job of looking out for each other. It's so easy to get wrapped up in our own stuff." Ash said.

"People just need to care about each other and be kind. Why is it so rare, these days? It's not hard. It's not hard at all. It's easy to ask if someone needs help or to see someone in need and help them. Why do we make things so hard on each other?" Tobin had questions that no one could answer.

...

"Mama?" Jake said.

Ashlyn looked at him like he had two heads.

"Oh yeah, um, I decided I was gonna call you Mama, now. It's too confusing calling both you and Mom, 'mom.' See even trying to explain it is confusing." Jake explained.

"Ok, son. You can call me whatever you want. What's up?" Ash asked. Obviously something was on her son's mind.

"I just wanted to say that I get what you were saying last night. About how that guy that I knew who killed himself, his life was worth something. Even if he didn't see it or I didn't see it at the time, it still didn't change the fact that his life was important. I just wanted you to know that I get it. I get what you were trying to say." He just managed to make his mom so proud.

"I'm glad you get it." Ash said. "And I hope you know that it's true about you too. Even when you feel really bad about yourself or about whatever you're going through, you're worth fighting for." Ashlyn gave the boy a hug and kiss.

"I'm gonna go to bed. I just wanted you to know I understood what you meant and I'm sorry about what I said before."

"We all make mistakes, son. The most important thing is that we learn from them and that's what you did." She gave him one more hug and told him goodnight.

Jake got her attention again after she started to walk to her room. "Hey, mom...I mean Mama. I saw a guy call his mom 'mama' on TV and he said it in a tough guy way, you know not like a 3 year old way like Sam would say it. So, I just thought I'd let you know that that's how I'm saying it....the tough guy way."

Ash smiled and kept herself from laughing. "I know, Jake. I can totally tell the difference."

From then on Jake called Ash 'Mama.' But it was only in the 'tough guy' way, of course.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are reading this and your heart is overwhelmed with sadness, I have been there too. I want you to know that I care about you and I'm begging you to ask for help and don't give up. Your life is worth living.


	66. Red Roses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter includes a couple prompt requests.
> 
> As always, THANK YOU for reading. You have no idea how much I appreciate you!

Ali pulled into the driveway with their surprise guest. Ashlyn was still asleep as well as the kids and their other guest, Tobin. Tobin was visiting because of a friend's funeral the day before and Alex couldn't make it because she had a game. Alex asked Ali not to say anything to Tobin about her coming because she wanted her favorite midfielder to get some much needed sleep.

Ali was happy to pick her up. Even though her and Ashlyn were taking good care of Tobin, Ali knew the person she really needed was Alex. 

"Are you hungry?" Ali asked Alex. It was 5am which is 2am Portland time. Ali figured Alex probably just wanted to go to Tobin but she thought she'd offer anyway.

"No. I'm actually pretty tired. Do you mind if I just lay down with Tobin for a while?" Alex asked.

"No, of course not. I know Ash probably won't be up for a while either. My dad's not dropping the little ones off for several more hours, and our teenager can sleep for days if uninterrupted, so this family is in sleep-in mode."

 

Alex laughed and gave Ali a hug. "Thank you for everything. I know you guys really came through for Tobs. And it means so much to us."

"It's nothing. We're glad to help. Besides, I think my wife deserves most of the credit. She reminded me of how Monster follows Sam around. She was watching over Tobin, that's for sure." Ali answered.

"That's sweet. You both are my heroes."

Ali could tell Alex was tired and probably anxious to see her girlfriend. 

"Come on, I'll show you to your room. You'll be in the guest room downstairs. The one you guys used last time you were here has been claimed by a handsome teenager, so you can't have that one."

Alex laughed. "You guys are running out of rooms."

"Yeah, we really are. We have a pretty good sized house but if we consider any more kids we're gonna have to think about expanding or moving."

"Are you guys talking about more kids?"

"We were before Jake came into the picture. We kinda put everything on hold after that. So, I honestly don't know." Ali laughed. She was content with the family she had, but knew she had a lot more love to give.

Ali set Alex's bag down outside the room door and let Alex take care of the rest.

"I'll see you in a few hours. Don't feel rushed to get up. Just act like you're at home." She gave her one more hug. "We love you."

Alex found her girlfriend knocked out. She was deep asleep. Alex decided she wasn't gonna intentionally wake her and make her presence know. She decided instead to join her and pull her into her arms, so she could hold her while she slept. 

Tobin didn't wake up but she did seem to relax at her touch. Alex was glad she came.

...

Several hours later Ali was the only adult awake when her dad dropped off Lex and Sam. Ali normally would've woken her wife when they had company, especially when all the kids were up and she needed to cook, but she knew Ash was emotionally drained. Her kids were all getting along and being quiet so she decided to let Ashlyn rest.

Alex and Tobin were the next ones to wake up. Sam ran to Tobin as soon as he saw her. He smashed right into her shins and hugged her legs. 

"Toby! Yer here!" Tobin picked him up and gave him a hug.

The boy pressed his nose against her's and said, "Yer at my house, Toby."

"Yep, that's right." Tobin answered. "Look who else is here." Tobin turned him towards Alex. The boy wasn't as excited to see her but he was learning from his parents that he should always be kind.

"Hi Alex." He put his hand out for her to shake.

Ali had never seen him do that to anyone on his own. Ashlyn and him shake on things all the time but her wife is always the one to hold her hand out first. This was something new for him.

"Dude, you're a trip." Ashlyn had finally woken up and saw the exchange between her son and Alex.

"Mama! I miss you more!" Sam put his arms out for Ash to take him. 

Ali explained to the women that he always said 'I miss you more' as a way to say 'I miss you.' He thought that's the proper way to say it.

"I missed YOU more, Bam." Ash replied. The two best buds had been apart for two days but you would have thought it was at least a week.

"Just so ya'll know, he didn't greet me like that." Ali said.

"Aww." Ash brought Sam up close to Ali. "Let's give Mommy a kiss!" The two of them assaulted Ali's face with wet kisses.

"Stop! You two are too much." Ali said.

"YOU are too much, woman." Ash said.

"Too much, woman!" Sam copied.

Alex and Tobin couldn't help but laugh at their favorite family.

"Are you all hungry?" Ali asked.

Ashlyn was the first to answer. "I'm starving!"

Sam copied "I'm starving too." He looked to Ash to see if she approved. She nodded her head to let him know that Team Awesome was in agreement.

"Ashlyn you're always starving. I wasn't asking you." Ali looked at their guests for an answer.

"I'd actually like take Tobin out for breakfast, if that's ok with you. I'd have to borrow a vehicle to do it, though." Alex said.

"You can take mine." All volunteered. "You probably don't want to drive Ashlyn's beast of a car, anyway."

"Hey, my beast is beautiful." Ash defended her 'other' baby.

"Your beast is ginormous! And I hate driving it." Ali said.

"That's rude." 

The other half of Team Awesome agreed. "That rude, Mommy!"

"Do you see what I have to deal with?" Ali looked to Alex and Tobin for some sympathy but received laughter instead.

...

"So this is last minute but Alex and I were wondering if you want us to like...I don't know...like watch your kids for a while so you two can hang out." Tobin said.

"Really?" Ali questioned. "That sounds great, actually."

"Tobin and I talked over breakfast about how amazing you guys have been and we really want to thank you and maybe return the favor." Alex explained.

"Gosh, I don't even know what we would do. Let me run it by Ash. I'm sure we'll think of something." Ali smiled. 

She was excited to spend some alone time with her wife. Since the accident it felt like everything was of a more serious nature. She really wanted to treat her wife to a day of worry free fun.  
...

"Baby, Alex and Tob want to watch the kids so that we can have some time alone. How do you feel about that?" Ali found her wife outside passing a soccer ball around with the kids.

"I feel awesome about that. What do you wanna do?"

"I was hoping you'd have an idea."

"Hmm...you'd think I should have a notebook filled with random date ideas so that I can always treat my woman right. Hmmm.." Ashlyn said with a mischievous grin. 

"Wait. Do you have a notebook like that?" Ali asked. 

"Please. Do you think that I would do something lame like that?"

"It's not lame. It's sweet. And yes, I think you would totally do something like that."

...

Ali and Ashlyn both picked one thing to do out of Ashlyn's random date idea notebook. Ashlyn picked to go to the local botanical gardens. She said she wanted to take her 'hot model wife' to a place that was almost as beautiful as her. She knew that Ali would love to look at all of the beautiful flowers in bloom.

Ali chose to take her wife to an arcade so they could have a little light hearted fun together. She knew Ashlyn would love it and also knew that she needed to have a little fun. The past several months have been stressful. Unfortunately, many of the activities Ashlyn liked to do to unwind and have fun were not medically cleared for her to do. So Ali knew she needed to let her wife have some fun. 

...

Alex had a make-over party with Lexi and Tobin was in charge of the boys. 

"Alex, do you like my boa?" Lexi had tried on all of her favorite clothing and accessories for her favorite Aunt. Alex thought the girl looked cute and wasn't shy about telling her.

"Girrrrl!" Alex gave her three snaps of approval and then continued. "You look fabulous!"

Lexi gave a curtsey like she learned in her ballet class and Alex did one in return.

Tobin and Sam decided to build a fort in the living room. They had to work around Jake who was playing video games while they made a masterpiece out of couch cushions, sheets, blankets and pillows. 

"Bammers, we need flashlights for our exploring expedition." Tobin was ready to have an adventure with Sam.

"I got some." Sammy quickly ran up the stairs to his room and grabbed his bug hunting gear. He walked past Lexi's room and peeked in. The boy had already put his headlamp hard hat on and turned the light on. Alex was curious what the boy was up to.

"Hey Sam, what's with the fancy hat?" Alex asked him.

"Me and Toby is going on exp-dition." He had no idea how to say expedition. He didn't even know what it meant but if Tobin said it, then he wanted to do it.

"Wow! Sounds like fun. But I think Lexi and I are gonna have more fun that you and Toby." 

"No way!" Sam did a karate chop and kick in the air. This movement cause his hard hat to fall off. "Oops." He picked it up and made a helicopter sound as he pretended to fly around Lex's room and then back downstairs to Tobin.

Alex looked over at Lexi who seemed pretty annoyed. "Boys are weird."

Lexi smiled. "Yeah."

...

Ashlyn decided to be the photographer of the day and took a lot of pictures of her beautiful wife as they toured the gardens.

"Hey babe, remember when we first started dating and I introduced you to my family?" Ashlyn had brought Ali home to meet her Grandma, Grandpa and brother.

"I already knew them, but yeah. I remember." Ali corrected her wife's mistake.

"I mean I introduced you as my girlfriend. Anyway, these roses remind me of that night I brought you to Grandma's garden. Remember what we did there?"

"Umm" Ali was being coy. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Yeah right. You're the one that remembers everything." Ashlyn didn't believe her for a minute.

"I remember you kissed me in that garden. It took my breath away." Ali stepped in closer to her wife. She put her arms around her neck and stepped up on the tips of her toes to steal a kiss.

"Remember what we did...that other time." Ashlyn wagged her eyebrows up and down and waited for her wife to reminisce the steamy scene.

"Ha. I remember. And we are NOT doing that here!"

Ashlyn laughed at her embarrassed wife. Ali's face matched the color of the red roses they were standing next to.

Ashlyn had her arms around Ali's waist and pulled her in close. "You wish. I'm too classy to do that sort of thing in public." She gripped Ali's sides right where she was most ticklish and then watched her wife squirm and squeal. 

"You're in trouble, missy!" Ali threatened but Ashlyn wasn't worried at all. 

...

"Toby!" Sam jumped from the back of the couch and into the arms of his 'girlfriend.' Tobin flew Sam around the room in her arms and then collapsed on the pillows lining the floor in front of their fort.

"Jake, you need to help me. Your brother is wearing me out!" Tobin begged for Jacob to join them. The boy hadn't moved from his game since his parents left.

"Nah, I'm good." He was not feeling up to playing with his wild younger sibling.

"Are you sure? We are having way more fun than you. You're just staring at a tv screen."

"Jakes is tired." Sam spoke up for his brother.

"I'm feeling sick." Jacob thought he needed to further explain. He didn't want to hurt Tobin's feelings. 

"You're sick? Should I call your mom?" Tobin was worried that he was seriously ill.

"No. I have a condition where sometimes I just get worn out and I get sick easier. Today I'm just feeling really tired."

"Oh. Sorry, man. I didn't know." Tobin apologized.

"It's ok. I've been feeling pretty good all week, but today I woke up not feeling so great." 

"Toby..." Sam was getting impatient with the amount of attention and time Tobin was giving Jacob. "Let's play.'

"Hold on, buddy." Tobin said as Samuel climbed up on her back and pushed her back and forth by shifting his weight.

"Come on." He whined.

"What's it feel like?" Tobin was on a mission to let Jake know she cared about whatever he was feeling.

"Sometimes my muscles hurt. And it's really hard to focus, sometimes." Jake answered quietly. 

"Grrr! Raaaaaaawr!" Sam was showing Tobin his ability to roar as he hung off of her neck.

"That stinks, man." Tobin stayed focused on the older boy. "And you said you get sick easily?"

"Yeah, if I'm really worn out, I have to be careful what germs I come in contact with. Mom makes me drink gross smoothies to help boost my immune system. I hate them."

"Well, get used to it if you want to be an athlete. Food becomes fuel and fuel doesn't always taste good." Tobin said.

"Hmm. I didn't think about it like that." Jacob had been working hard to improve in soccer and to hear Tobin describe his gross smoothies as fuel, made him feel pretty cool about having to drink them. 

Samuel was really doing his best to stay patient. But for a three year old any amount of time past a few minutes was too long. He left the two and let Monster in. His dog was outside while they were building the fort. Little Monster got too excited while they were stacking cushions and draping sheets. He kept tearing down their hard work, so they put him outside. 

As soon as Sam opened the sliding door Monster ran in and started sniffing the new structure in the living room. Once he was satisfied with it's presence, he moved on to check its stability. He jumped right into the side wall cushion and collapsed the entire fort. 

"No, Monster!" Sam didn't think his own dog would betray him and destroy all his hard work. Sam started to cry and chastise the puppy. "Bad, Monster. You broke the fort!" 

Sam chased the dog around, yelling at him between disappointed cries. 

Alex came running down the stairs with Lexi close behind. She thought someone was hurt. She saw the drama unfolding before her and couldn't believe that Tobin was allowing it.

"Tobin!" Alex called out to get her attention.

Alex's voice pulled Tobin out of her super focused state.

"Yeah?" She answered her girlfriend.

Alex just gave her an all too familiar look. She'd seen it a thousand times. Alex wasn't happy about whatever it was that she was doing. She took a quick look around and noticed a crying and angry Sam-Bam. She jumped up and ran to the boy. 

"Sam-Bam!" She caught up with him and picked him up, allowing the dog to find safety behind Jacob.

Sam squirmed in her arms and kicked his legs trying to get loose. Alex had to step in and offer help. 

"Samuel!" Alex said sternly. "Calm down now or you have to go to time-out."

"Noooooo." Sam said. He wasn't being defiant. He just didn't want to have to sit in time-out.

Tobin took matters into her own hands. "Babe, I'm gonna take him outside for a minute." She carried him out the back door and walked with him in her arms around the yard. She lightly bounced him up and down until he seemed to calm down. She sat down on one of the swings and held him close to her. He finally caught his breath and rested his head on her shoulder. He had one hand around the back of her neck, playing with her hair and the other holding onto the front of her shirt.

"Hey buddy, what happened? Why did you get upset?"

"Monster broke my fort." He sniffled.

"We can build it again. It's no big deal."

"You talked to Jakes and not me." Sam finally let the real source of his sadness known. The poor little guy was jealous.

"You know your my main man, right?" Tobin wasn't trying to upset her little buddy.

"Yeah." Sam said softly and let go of Tobin's shirt to wipe his nose with the back of his hand.

"Not everyone is as good at having fun as me and you. We need to make sure to include others, too."

Sam nodded his head. He wasn't mad at Jake. He was Jake's biggest fan. He just wanted to make sure Tobin didn't forget about him.

"How about if we rebuild the fort? We can make a little opening for Monster to come in and out and we can invite Jake to watch a movie with us inside. What do you think?"

"Yeah!" Sam was back to his old self again.

...

Ashlyn and Ali returned home after a full day of enjoying one another's company. They found the house completely destroyed. Toys everywhere, not to mention the couch was torn apart. Ali pointed to the front of the fort that had two pairs of feet sticking out. Tobin and Jacob were too tall for the fort, apparently. They took a peak inside and found 2 sleeping boys, one happy puppy and a very worn out midfielder.

"Hey Tobs." Ashlyn whispered. "You ok?"

"I think I'm gonna sleep for a couple of days after this." Ashlyn reached her hand inside the fort and helped Tobin get out without waking the children or destroying the fort.

"Where are the girls?" Ali asked. 

"Alex took Lexi to bed. I haven't seen her since." Tobin answered.

Ash and Ali left Tobin to try and recover from the day. They peaked into Lexi's room and saw that both Lex and Alex had fallen asleep. Alex had an arm around Lex and had a book lying face down against her stomach.

"Aw." Ali cooed."That's so sweet."

"Should we wake her up?" Ashlyn asked.

"Probably. Poor Tobin is all by herself downstairs." 

Ashlyn gave Alex a nudge and let her know that she was officially off duty.

Alex groggily walked down to where her girlfriend had fallen asleep. She woke her up and pointed toward their guest room. The two walked hand in hand to a more restful place.

...

Ashlyn carried Sam to bed and Ali woke up Jake. After they made sure all the children and their guests were comfortable, they headed to bed themselves.

"I had such a great time with you today, Ash." Ali said from the couple's bed.

"I really had a great time too. I always have a great time with you. You're my best friend." Ashlyn was in a sentimental mood. 

"Aw, you're my best friend too." Ali pulled Ashlyn down to the bed next to her and kissed her lightly.

"Al, I just want you to know that I really appreciate you. I know I would be a mess without you. I can spend one day with you and it makes me feel like I've been filled up again. You know what I mean?" Ashlyn was sure she was talking crazy. She tried to explain. "It's like we pour ourselves out for our kids, and work and everything else. But when I'm with you I get filled up of the stuff that keeps me going. Ahh...that's sounds dumb." Ashlyn was frustrated with her inability to explain herself..

"Baby, that doesn't sound dumb at all. That's how I feel about you. When I'm running on empty you fill me up again." 

"Dang, you're so much better with words than I am. I sound like an idiot."

"Stop! You do not." Ali pulled her wife down on top of her and decided it was time to finish what the two had started in the rose garden.


	67. Into the Light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for language.
> 
> This one made me a little emotional.

FLASHBACK

"Are ya nervous?" Ashlyn couldn't help but tease her girlfriend.

"No. They already know me. Should I be nervous?" Ali replied.

The two were flying to Florida to stay with Ashlyn's grandparents for a week. Ashlyn's family knew and loved Ali, but this was the first time they would see her since they had started dating. 

"Well, my Grandpa is pretty protective. He's probably gonna give you a hard time. Maybe he'll show you his gun collection."

Ali's eyes went wide. "Does your Grandpa have a lot of guns?" Ali whispered.

"Oh yeah. He's got a whole room full of them." Ashlyn was totally messing with Ali. 

"Shotguns, rifles, pistols, semi automatics....I think he's got some ninja swords too. I wonder what he uses those for?" Ashlyn watched as all color left Ali's face.

"Are you serious, right now?" Ali was scared that maybe she shouldn't be so confident about seeing her girlfriend's family.

"Nah, I'm just messing with ya!" Ash started cracking up and Ali started jabbing her in the stomach with her elbow.

"Relax, princess. You're gonna wake up sleeping beauty over there." Ash nodded towards the large man sitting next to her girlfriend. 

"You are the worst! Why do I even date you? You enjoy torturing me."

"Come on. I add spice to your perfect little boring life." 

"Perfect? Boring? Really, Ashlyn?" 

Ashlyn knew maybe she said the wrong thing. To her Ali's life seemed pretty perfect. Her parents loved her, she was close with her whole family. She grew up in a way where she never experienced want for anything. It seemed like a piece of cake to Ashlyn.

"Eh, relax. I'm just having fun with ya. Your life isn't perfect...well it is now that I'm in it. But before that..."

"You are something else." Ali was speechless. Her girlfriend was definitely different than anyone she'd ever met before. And she knew that her life would never be the same.

...

Ashlyn's family was very happy to see Ali. They welcomed her into their home as if she was already part of the family. She practically was anyways.

Ashlyn showed Ali her Grandmother's flower garden and planned a moonlit kiss with her girlfriend. Ali melted into Ashlyn's arms right in front of her Grandma's rose bush. Ali always considered Ashlyn to be a romantic. Ashlyn decided she could definitely get used to bringing Ali home and kissing her there. She said that the roses in the garden would be their 'spot' for romance whenever they visited.

...

Chris joined them for dinner the next night and was immediately asked about his romantic life. 

"Nope, uh uh." He shook his head no. "Change of subject, or I'm leaving." Chris wasn't a fan of this topic at the moment.

Ashlyn stayed quiet. She knew Chris would do the same for her if the situation was reversed. But their grandmother was a big fan of her kids and could never understand why others didn't love them as much as she did.

"What happened, Christopher? What about that nice girl we saw you with last week?" Grandma asked.

"It's a long story, Grandma. She just didn't have it in her to deal with my 'issues.'" Chris air quoted the word 'issues.' 

"What? Why would she even say that?" Grandma asked.

Ali saw Ashlyn was getting noticeably uncomfortable. Ali didn't know it but Ash wanted the conversation to end even more than her brother did. She didn't want Ali to know just how damaged she really was.

"I don't know, Grandma. I guess she decided I was a risk too big for her to take." 

Ashlyn excused herself to use the bathroom. The family didn't think anything of it, but Ali knew something was wrong. 

Ali waited a few minutes before following after her. She didn't want to leave right away and make it obvious that she was following her girlfriend.

Ali went to the bathroom and knocked lightly on the door. She heard Ashlyn's shaky voice.

"Yeah?" It was obvious Ashlyn had been crying.

"Are you ok?" Ali asked softly. She didn't want the family to hear.

Ali heard a few sniffles and some running water. She waited a few moments and was about to ask again, but finally heard the sound of metal turning. Ashlyn had unlocked the door.

"Can I come in?" Ali was careful. Even though they were best friends for years and were now dating, Ali knew that Ashlyn was a very private person. Ashlyn struggled to open up to anyone, even Ali.

"Yeah." Ashlyn said. She sounded defeated.

Ali slowly turned the knob and pushed the door open. She found her girlfriend leaning against the counter of the sink.

"Are you ok?" Ali still kept a distance from her. She didn't know why, but she was worried she might spook her if she got too close.

"Yeah. I'm fine." Ashlyn said. Her head was down and she had yet to look up at Ali.

"I know you're not fine, Ash."

"Don't worry about it. It's no big deal." Ashlyn tried to brush it off. 

"So that's it? I find you here. I know you've been crying and I'm supposed to...What? Just leave you here?" 

Ashlyn didn't have an answer. She was embarrassed. She was scared. And most of all she was worried that Ali would find out that she wasn't good enough for her. She was worried that Ali would decide that all of the 'issues' and all of the 'damage' was piled higher than she was willing to climb. 

Ashlyn was worried that Ali would leave her.

"What do you want me to do, Ashlyn?" Ali was frustrated. It wasn't because her girlfriend was going through something, she could handle that. It was because Ashlyn was hiding it from her. Ashlyn had built a wall and was trying to keep her out.

"Can you just tell them I'm sick?"

"You want me to lie to your family for you? I'm here for you, Ashlyn! And you're not even gonna come back with me? You're gonna make me have dinner with your family without you?" Ali was now more than frustrated, she was angry. "What am I even here for? Why are we even together? You won't talk to me when you're upset. You shut me out! How do you think that makes me feel?"

Ashlyn never looked at her the entire time Ali spoke. She felt ashamed. She was ashamed of how she treated Ali and she was ashamed of who she was.

Ashlyn didn't answer Ali. She knew that if she tried to speak after Ali said all of that that she would just fall apart and she wasn't willing to do that.

Ali decided she had waited long enough and left Ashlyn all alone in the bathroom. She told her family that Ashlyn wasn't feeling well and hung out with Chris the rest of the night.

...

Ali stalled as long as she could before going to bed. She wanted to avoid Ashlyn. Her anger towards her girlfriend was boiling over. What made it worse was that she didn't even know what the fight was about, because Ashlyn refused to talk.

Ali went to their room at midnight and found Ashlyn in bed. She looked like she was asleep. But Ali knew better.

"I know you're awake. Are you going to ignore me all night?" Ali said. Ashlyn could hear how upset she was.

Ashlyn didn't say a word.

...

Ashlyn snuck out of the house before anyone else woke up. Ali was frustrated. She wanted to make things right, but her girlfriend was making it impossible. 

"Do you know where Ash is?" Ali asked Chris.

"She's not with you?" 

"She got up before I woke up. She didn't leave a note, like usual." 

"She might be at the beach." Chris gave her directions and she left to find her girlfriend.  
...

"Ashlyn!" Ali called out from the edge of the beach where the water meets the shore. She felt small waves on her feet as she cupped her hands around her mouth and called out to her girlfriend.

Ashlyn saw her and signaled that she would come to her.

Ash had on a wetsuit and her favorite surfboard in hand. Ali would've thought she looked hot if she wasn't so mad at her.

Ashlyn walked up to her like nothing had happened the night before. She even went in for a kiss.

Ali pulled away so that she missed connecting their lips.

"Good morning, beautiful." Ash was trying to charm her way back into Ali's good graces.

"Are you serious right now?" Ali wasn't gonna let her get away with that.

"What?"

"You treated me like crap yesterday. You left this morning without telling me where you were going. Why am I here, Ashlyn? Does this place remind you of your old ways? Are you regretting that you're with me? Do you need to find someone to sleep with really quick so you know you haven't lost it?"

That hurt.

Ashlyn flinched back at Ali's words. Is that's what Ali thinks of her?

Ali felt bad the moment she saw Ashlyn's reaction. She wanted to take it back but she was mad. Ashlyn didn't deserve for her to take it back with the way she's been acting. She held her ground.

Ashlyn put her head back down. This was beginning to be a familiar stance for her. Head down in defeat. Too scared to look into Ali's eyes. Unable to defend herself.

"You're right. Maybe I am second guessing myself. Maybe this place really does remind me of who I REALLY am. Maybe 'this'" Ashlyn pointed to herself and then Ali, "isn't a good idea."

Ashlyn turned around and put her board back down in the water and paddled away. Ali didn't know what to do. She didn't mean what she said. She had nowhere to go. She couldn't go back without Ashlyn. She decided she would sit down and wait Ashlyn out.

...

Ashlyn surfed as long as she could. But she knew she had to face Ali sooner or later. She paddled back to shore.

Ali had fallen asleep waiting for Ashlyn. It wasn't surprising since she didn't get much sleep the previous night.

Ashlyn shook out her hair right next to her making sure to get her all wet.

"Ash, what is your problem?" Ali brushed off the water. 

"Well, I could've just left you here." Ash was still mad. "Maybe I could have found someone else to take home to meet my family. You know, since that's such a common thing for me to do."

Ali knew that she was the first real girlfriend that Ash ever made an effort to bring home. There had been other girlfriends who had met Ash's family, but it was never because Ashlyn wanted them too.

"There's a hot brunette over there." Ash pointed to a girl walking towards them. "Maybe I should go fuck her so that you can prove your point about what a terrible person I am."

"Ok, that's enough!" Ali stood up to Ashlyn. She wasn't gonna back down or shy away from a fight, especially if it meant that Ashlyn would actually talk to her. "I'm sorry I said that, ok? I was mad at you. I know you're not like that anymore."

"I was never like that, Alex. I thought you knew me better than to believe that shit." Ashlyn did have a reputation, that was true. But the reputation wasn't true at all.

"Ashlyn, I just want you to talk to me. You keep shutting me out and I have no idea why."

"You don't want to know why, Alex. Just let it go." Ashlyn really didn't want to break-up with Ali. But she knew it would be coming if Ali knew the truth about her.

"Ashlyn, you're my best friend. I love you more than anyone. Please, just talk to me." 

"You don't even know me. You don't love me."

Ali was shocked that Ashlyn would even say that. Where was this coming from?

"Ashlyn?" Ali didn't really know what to say. 

"Ali..." Ashlyn sat down and used her hands to dig a hole in front of her. As she dug and watched as her fingers moved through the sand she finally opened up to Ali.

"Ali, I'm no good for you. I'm too damaged and you don't deserve the extra baggage that comes with me. The risk is too high." She mirrored her brother's sentiment from dinner the night before.

"Ashlyn, I know about your past. There's nothing wrong with you."

"You don't know everything." Ashlyn didn't explain. She just left it at that.

"Baby," Ali put her hand on Ashlyn's face and turned it towards her. "Is that what this is all about? You're worried I'll find something out and then not want to be with you?"

"It's not just that. You deserve better. It's selfish of me to want you. I'm just gonna hurt you." Ashlyn answered.

"Talk to me, Ash. What is it that we can't handle together?" 

"I get scared. When people get too close to me. I worry that they'll leave me. That they'll see me for who I really am. And that they won't want me anymore."

"Why would you think that, Ashlyn?" 

"You don't know what's happened to me. You don't know." Ashlyn was tearing up. Ali wanted her to talk. She was definitely talking now.

"What happened to you?"

Ashlyn lost her breath. Ali didn't realize that just by asking her to talk about it she was asking her to re-live it. Ash wasn't sure if her heart could take the rush of emotions, but she would try. For Ali.

"Honestly, there are too many things to count. But I don't want to hide anything from you anymore."

Ashlyn went on to explain in detail a few instances of the abuse that she had endured in her young life. She told Ali about the countless people who abandoned her and left her to try to survive on her own. She told her about the drug deals and the violence that she witnessed. She told her that she still finds it hard to sleep in the dark, for fear that someone's going to sneak into her room and hurt her again.

All Ali could do was weep. Ashlyn was right. She wasn't strong enough. She didn't offer any wise words of comfort. She didn't promise that everything would turn out ok. She just cried.

...

Ashlyn was positive that she scared Ali away. She knew that it was just a matter of time before they had 'the talk' and this fairy tale she was temporarily living would end.

Ashlyn figured it would happen once they returned home. Ali would probably call her from Germany and let her know that it wasn't gonna work out. She was on borrowed time and it hurt to even look at Ali.

...

Ali asked her to go for a walk with her after dinner their last night in Florida. Ash thought she had more time. She reluctantly agreed.

Ali wasn't surprised with the way Ashlyn was acting. Ash was very honest with her about her fears when she told her about everything else. Ali needed time to process. 

It was true. Ashlyn was a risk. It was going to cost Ali a lot to continue to love her and stay with her. She wanted to make sure that it was something she would be able to do.

She knew that if somewhere down the road she couldn't handle it, it would have been better to go their separate ways now. 

A clean break is better sooner than later.

The two women had walked almost a mile before Ali broke the silence. She knew Ashlyn had done enough talking and she needed to be the brave one this time. She spotted a bench at a nearby park and led Ashlyn to it. She had Ash sit down while she paced back and forth in front of her. Ashlyn remained still except for her right leg that bounced nervously as she waited for Ali to break up with her.

"I'm sorry about the other day. I didn't know what to say. I appreciate you being honest with me." Ali would look at Ashlyn every now and then as she walked back and forth. Ashlyn kept her head down, waiting for Ali's final blow.

"You are a big risk, Ashlyn. You've been hurt so deeply. And I don't know how to help you." Ashlyn nodded her head up and down slowly. Everything Ali said was absolutely true.

"Ash, I love you so much. But it hurts me to see you like this. These terrible things that have happened to you, such...."Ali's voice cracked. "Such terrible things. But they don't define who you are." 

Ashlyn noticed a change in Ali's tone from heart broken to hopeful.

"Love is a risk, in itself. I believe good things for you, Ashlyn, because you are good. Bad things may have happened to you but you have remained you through them. You are so good. And kind. And loving. You're funny. You would do anything to make me smile. And even though you have an inner urge to run away when people get close...here you are. You never ran from me. You were the one who waited when I was confused. You were the one who kept loving me when I pushed you away. Ashlyn, you say I don't deserve you because you're damaged...I don't deserve you because you're perfect!" 

Ali watched as large tear drops fell from Ashlyn's face. She went to her and knelt down in front of her. She put her hands on Ashlyn's thighs, finally stopping the nervous bounce.

"Ashlyn, the risk is high. But you're more than worth it."

Ashlyn fell forward into Ali's arms. She cried into her shoulder and let someone bring her comfort for ALL of her scars for the first time.

Ali was willing to hurt with her. Ali was willing to go through the darkness and walk with her into the the light.

Ali saw Ashlyn for who she was and not for what has happened to her. Ali saw her as the love of her life. Ashlyn was her future and she wasn't gonna let her go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains a prompt request. (You know who you are. You're worth the risk.)


	68. The Comeback

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't had a chance to really edit this yet. Which means I've read it only 10 times instead of my usual 20. It really does take a lot for me to get things right. So please excuse any mistakes.

"Alex!" Ashlyn was practically jumping up and down on the sidelines at the Spirit's practice. Ali saw her wife and hurried over.

"What is it? Are the kids ok?" Ali asked. Ashlyn had to catch her breath. Ali noticed she had tears in her eyes. "Baby, what is it?" Ali used both hands to steady Ashlyn.

Ashlyn looked her wife in the eye and announced, "I've been cleared for normal activity! I've got my stuff, but I wanted to tell you before I jumped into practice." Ashlyn was ecstatic.

"Wait, slow down. What exactly did he say?" Ali had her doubts. She knew Ashlyn was anxious to get back on the field and would do just about anything to make that happen.

"He said I was cleared for normal activity. I just told you that." Ashlyn didn't understand why Ali didn't seem more excited.

"Let me call him first before you do anything."

"Do you think I'm lying to you?" Ashlyn was hurt that her wife didn't trust her.

"No, not at all. It's just most people's normal activity doesn't involve diving to the ground or potentially getting kicked in the head. I just want to make sure." Ali said protectively.

"Make sure? Ali, I'm telling you what he said. He knows what I do for a living."

"What about your headaches? You're not better." 

"He said I will probably get them all my life. But it's not dangerous for me to play. It's not gonna make it worse. If I get injured again then it will be a new injury, it won't worsen the old one."

Ali wasn't convinced, but how could she tell Ashlyn not to play? She asked Ashlyn for one more day.

"Sweetheart, please just wait until I can talk to him. It will make me feel better to hear it from him. Just one more day."

"Ali, it's been so long! Why can't you just trust me?" Ashlyn begged.

"I do trust you. Please, just one more day."

Ali could tell her wife was disappointed but Ashlyn agreed to her request, even though she hated having to wait longer. She knew Ali had been through a lot and she wanted to be sensitive to her feelings too.

...

Ali found out for herself that Ashlyn had been cleared. She knew that she should be happy for her wife, but instead she was terrified. Ashlyn was reckless when it came to playing. She was willing to sacrifice her body if it meant making a save. Ali didn't think she could handle watching Ashlyn get hurt again. Every save, every dive, sent Ali's blood pressure through the roof.

 

The Spirit were still fighting for a playoff spot. Ashlyn had a week to prove to her coaches that she could play. Ali was a nervous wreck. She watched her wife make great diving saves and push extra hard in the gym. 

She hated thinking about what an aggressive forward on an opposing team might try to do to score, especially with a playoff spot on the line. The stakes were high at the end of the season. The playoff race was tight. She worried Ashlyn would be on the receiving end of a dangerous play.

...

Ali finished up her drills with the defensive players and started her cool down stretches. She instinctively looked for her wife. This was not an uncommon action for her. Whether on the soccer field or not, her wife is usually who her eyes search for first.

Ali found Ashlyn lying on the ground with her legs and arms spread out. She watched for a moment to try and figure out what was going on. Ashlyn didn't move. Ali bolted towards her to check on her.

Ali knelt down next to her. "Ash, are you ok?"

"Huh?" Ashlyn opened her eyes and squinted up towards her wife. The sun was bright behind Ali and Ashlyn was trying to keep it from blinding her.

"Are you ok?" Ali put her hand on Ashlyn's stomach.

"I'm fine. It's just I'm out of shape. All these drills have worn me out!"

"That's it? You're ok. You didn't hurt yourself?" Ali was worried that the doctor was wrong and had cleared her wife too soon.

"That's it. I swear!" Ashlyn sat up and put her hand on her wife's thigh. "Stop worrying. I'm fine. I promise."

"Ashlyn..." Ali was torn. She needed her wife to know the extent of her fears for her own peace of mind, but she also knew that coming back from a serious injury requires mental toughness. She didn't want to add to Ashlyn's stress level. "It's nothing. I just saw you down on the ground and you weren't moving, so..."

"Ohhhh. No worries, babe. I'm fine." Ash smiled and helped her wife to her feet. 

Ali would have to open up to Ashlyn some other time.

...

Coach Parsons decided to start Ashlyn in goal for their next game. He figured she could provide some inspiration for the team and give the fans something to get excited and cheer about. He also thought that if she needed to be taken out for whatever reason, that half time would be a good time to evaluate her and make sure she was ok. He really wanted to win, but his players' health was always the team's priority.

Ashlyn stood next to Washington Spirit team captain, Ali Krieger-Harris as the team filed out of the locker room for the national anthem. Ali could tell Ashlyn was nervous. She didn't blame her. She was probably more nervous than her wife. 

The game was intense, as expected. Ashlyn made a lot of saves that made Ali flinch. At half time she couldn't help but intrude on the conversation between Mark and Ashlyn. 

"How are you feeling?" Coach Parson's asked.

"I feel fine. Great, actually." Ashlyn replied. Ali came up next to Ashlyn and put a hand on her arm.

"Maybe you should take it easy. Chantel can take over from here." Ali suggested.

Ashlyn couldn't believe what her wife just said. "Ali, I'm fine." Coach Parson's could see that this was a case of an over worried wife.

"Ashlyn, I'm going to leave it up to you. You look great out there. I'll leave you two alone." The coach excused himself and left the women to their own discussion.

"You just suggested, in front of our coach, that he play someone else instead of me." Ashlyn was angry and most of all hurt. Ali knew how much her wife missed playing. She knew as a pro player herself that the worst feeling in the world is to sit on the bench when your team is playing. And that's the idea Ali had put in the mind of their coach. To take Ashlyn out.

"Ash, you need to take it easy. They're playing rough out there."

"You don't trust me." Ashlyn concluded. It was a simple sentence but the weight of it was heavy on her lips.

"I trust you, Ashlyn. But why risk it?" Ali knew she only had a few short moments before the team would have to return to the field.

"You don't trust me, Alex. You don't trust me as your keeper or as your wife. I can't have this conversation right now. We have a game to win. You're our captain. Maybe you should try to make your team mates feel better about themselves instead of tell the coach to take them out, right in front of their face. If it's too much to ask for you to be a supportive wife then maybe you can just try to be a good captain." Ashlyn left it at that. She was the first to leave the locker room. 

She couldn't get far enough away from Ali.

...

Ali gave Ashlyn her space. She knew her wife was right and she needed to at least be a good team captain. In this case, that meant letting Ashlyn do what she does, the way she wants to do it. If it were any other team mate she would give them the freedom to play. She would trust their judgment and support them until it was proven that they couldn't perform in a way that was helpful to the team.

Ali hated playing games when her and Ashlyn weren't united. She hated anytime they weren't on the same page. The final 45+ minutes were straining. She felt guilty. She felt nervous. She was unsettled. And the only one that could set her straight again was Ashlyn.

The Spirit won after a heroic save of a Wambach penalty kick. Ashlyn was the star of the game. She won player of the match easily. Her comeback was a great success and they were one win away from the playoffs. She should have been elated but it all left a bitter taste in her mouth because of the discord with her wife.

Ali sheepishly approached her wife.

"Great game."

"Thanks." Ashlyn wasn't really in the mood for talking.

"Ash, can I talk to you for a sec?"

"No. I'm gonna go get the kids." Their children made signs and cheered loudly for Ashlyn. She wanted to let them know how much it meant to her to have their support. Ali could wait. She wanted to be with the people who actually believed in her.

"Ashlyn, hold on." Ali grabbed her arm and pulled her back.

"Don't touch me." Ashlyn pulled her arm back and reacted as if Ali was an enemy.

"Ashlyn, you know I'm sorry. Please at least give me a chance to apologize."

Abby's congratulatory hug prevented Ali from making things right. 

"Hey bud, great game. You had some crazy saves. Why did you have to choose this game to come back?" Abby joked.

"If Ali had her way I would never come back." Ashlyn gave Abby a pat on the back and left. 

"What did I walk in on?" Abby felt the tension between the couple.

"She interprets my worrying about her as me not trusting her." Ali explained.

"Ah, I see. Sorry, man. I gotta say, though. I totally understand where Ashlyn's coming from. Sarah is the same way with me. It drives me nuts."

"Abby, you're supposed to try and make me feel better, not worse." 

"Oh yeah. Sorry. Do you want me to go yell at Ash for over reacting?" It wouldn't be the first time Abby treated Ashlyn like a younger sibling.

"No. I need to take care of this one on my own. Thanks, though."

Ali left to go join her family. She found Ashlyn with both Lexi and Sam in her arms as she walked around the field greeting team mates and old friends from the Flash. Jacob shyly followed behind them. Ali snuck up beside Jake and put an arm around his waist. He brightened up immediately. He felt more comfortable with Ali there.

"Did you enjoy the game?" Ali asked her oldest son.

"Not really. I was nervous Mama would get hurt." He admitted.

"I was a little nervous, myself." Ali was glad she wasn't the only one. "But she played great. We won because of her." Ali really was proud of her wife.

"Yeah, she had some great saves. Grandpa said he didn't think anyone could have stopped that pk. It was a sick save, for sure." 

"Yeah." Ali thought back on the save and was finally able to appreciate it. "Yeah, it really was a great save." She stared at her wife with admiration. Being a fan of soccer, as well as a defensive player, made her understand how rare those kind of saves are. Her wife was amazing.

...

Back in the locker room Ali was waiting for her wife to finish up in the shower so they could go home. Ash knew her wife was waiting. She knew she felt bad. But Ashlyn was still hurt by the way Ali acted at half time.

Ashlyn took an extra long shower.

Ashlyn finally joined her wife at her locker. She had on only a towel and walked right by Ali without acknowledging her. 

"That took a while." Ali broke the silence. Ashlyn was mad and Ali felt bad, but she wasn't gonna let her ignore her.

"Yup." Ashlyn dropped her towel, without a thought. Her and Ali were the last two in the room and her wife had seen her naked a million times. Ashlyn was unaware of her wife's recent change of heart and flat out state of awe at the performance she gave in her comeback game.

Ali's mind went blank. She took in her wife's tight muscular body and suddenly forgot how to form words.

Ashlyn noticed.

"Are you serious right now, Alex?" Ashlyn wasn't done being upset.

"What?" Ali was stirred out of her lustful thoughts.

Ashlyn couldn't stay mad for long. She surrendered her anger and gave a small smile to her wife.

"Sorry. Your uhh..." Ali pointed toward Ashlyn's nude body. "..everything...uh distracted me."

"Yeah, I noticed." Ashlyn quickly put on some clothes and helped her wife up off the chair she was sitting on. 

"Ash, I'm sorry if I made it seem like I didn't believe in you or trust you. I just kept picturing you in a hospital bed. I'm afraid I'm gonna lose you. I'm so sorry. And you were right....and you were great today. I mean really great."

Ashlyn gave an exaggerated look of shock. "Wait, what did you just say?"

"You were great." Ali said with a smile.

"No, not that. The other thing." 

When Ali realized what her wife was referring to she rolled her eyes and said, "I said....YOU WERE RIGHT...ok? Is that what you're looking for?" 

The two had a laugh together and Ali let her wife have bragging rights for the night. She deserved it, anyways. She really was great.

"Al, I understand why you were worried. But this is our job. I need you to support me. I can't be my best without you by my side."

"I know. But you can't blame me for worrying. Our family went through a tramatic time together. It's not something any of us will be able to forget. Please just be patient with me. And PLEASE be careful." Ali begged.

"I'll promise to be patient and careful, if you promise to be my number one fan...and give me kisses and victory sex." 

"Wow, you drive a hard bargain." Ali stepped into her wife and put her arms around her neck. "Too bad you already got dressed. I could've kept my end of the bargain right away. We could've had some fun."

"What? We can still have fun." Ash started to take off her shirt.

"Sorry, baby. Our family is waiting for us. We gotta go." Ali picked up her bag and strutted out of the locker room, leaving Ashlyn to take in her perfect figure as she left.

Ashlyn shook her head and found her senses. "Babe, wait! I can be fast."

Ali spent the evening teasing her wife, but once the kids went to bed and the women had some privacy, Ali made sure to make it up to her. And it was definitely worth the temporary frustration.


	69. I'm Four!

"I'm four! I'm four! I'm four! I'm four!" Sam was running around the house with four fingers held up high for all to see.

He actually wasn't four. His birthday was the next day but all the birthday talk going on made him think it already happened. 

Jacob was sitting cross legged right in front of the tv playing a video game. Samuel stopped to tell him his new age and wrapped his arms around his neck from behind. He held on loosely and rocked his big brother back and forth saying "I'm four!" over and over.

"No you're not. Stop choking me." Sam wasn't choking Jake, he was annoying him.

"No! I'm four!" Sam was a very affectionate kid who had no idea what personal space was.

"Get off of me!" Jake reached back and smacked Sam in the back of the head. Sam immediately started to cry.

Jake paused his game and turned toward Sam. "Shhh! You're fine. I barely touched you." He tried to grab Sam and calm him down.

Sam only cried all the more loudly.

"Mommy!" Sam screamed for Ali. 

"Sam, stop. You're ok." Jake put his hand over Sam's mouth to try to quiet him down. He was still holding him tight with his other arm. 

Sam wiggled and tried to free himself but his brother was too big and much stronger than him.

Ashlyn was outside with Monster and Lex while this was going on. She opened the sliding glass door and the dog ran straight for Sam. Monster started barking and then tugging at Jake's pant leg. He was trying to rescue his boy.

"What's going on?" Ashlyn asked. She went straight to the boys and took Sam from Jacob.

Samuel clung to her tightly. "Mama, he hit me!

"No, I didn't! I just moved him. He was choking me." Jacob half lied to his mother.

"No! He hit me on my head." Sam cried.

"Jacob, I'm gonna ask you again. Keep in mind that I can see a red mark on your brother's head. What happened?" 

Ashlyn wasn't playing around. She knew her boys were fighting. Siblings fight. She wasn't too concerned about that. What she was concerned about, however, was that Jake had lied to her.

"I didn't hit him." Jake couldn't even look at his mother. Now he had lied to her twice.

Ashlyn had a crying almost 4 year old in her arms. She needed to handle Sam first.

"Jacob, go to your room, please. I'll be up in a few minutes."

Jake nodded and quietly obeyed.

"Sam-Bam, can you try to calmly tell me what happened?" Ash asked in a calm and soothing tone.

Sam sniffed a couple times and wiped his eyes. He said, "Jakeys hit me." The little boy rubbed the spot on his head where his brother's hand made contact.

"What happened right before that?" Ashlyn asked. As soon as it looked like Sam had calmed down, Ali walked through the front door. Sam saw her and started crying again. 

Ashlyn rolled her eyes. She definitely believed that her son had a reason to cry but this second wave was all for show. He wanted extra sympathy from his protective Mommy.

"Oh no! What happened?" Ali came straight for the boy. He held out his arms. She pulled him into a comforting hug.

"I'm still trying to figure that out. Sam said Jake hit him. Jake denies it. He was calmed down and then you came and "Ash sighed "here we are." Ashlyn was frustrated.

"Where's Jacob?"

"I sent him to his room." 

"Does he deserve that?" Ali hadn't seen the red mark on Sam's head. She knew he exaggerated from time to time so she wanted to make sure their oldest wasn't being falsely accused.

"I know he hit him. And then he straight up lied about it." Ash explained.

"But how do you know? I seem to remember a game of hide-n-seek where he accused you of hitting him."

"Alex, I know he did it. Sam had a red mark on his head."

Ali's eyes filled with sadness at the thought of her little boy getting hit hard enough to leave a mark.

Samuel kept his head tight in the crook of Ali's neck.

"We're not getting anywhere with this." Ashlyn huffed and left her wife to deal with Sam's tears.

"Ashlyn, be nice." Ali instructed as she watched her wife climb the steps towards Jacob's room.

Ashlyn took a few deep breaths before she entered Jacob's room. 

The boy left his door open so he would know when she was coming. He was terrified. This was his first real experience with being disciplined by Ashlyn. Most of the time he and Ashlyn were more like buddies than parent and child. He didn't know what to expect.

"Can I come in, Jacob?" 

"Yeah." He replied quietly.

Ashlyn sat next to him on his bed. Neither of them looked at each other. Ashlyn took a few more calming breaths and then asked her son one more time...

"Did you hit your little brother?"

Jake sighed and sadly said, "Yes ma'am."

"Why did you hit him?"

"Because he was bugging me."

"What was he doing?" Ash asked.

"He kept yelling that he was four. He hung off my neck and yelled it in my ear. And he kept bumping me."

"Did he choke you like you said?" 

"No." Jake felt guilty and ashamed. 

He was still in that place where his adoption was new enough that he worried about getting in trouble and his parents regretting their decision to make him a part of their family.

"You shouldn't hit your brother. I understand that he can be annoying. I've had this talk with your sister a million times. He might be bugging you but he's not doing it on purpose. He's an excited kid who loves his family. He especially loves his big brother."

Jake nodded. He still couldn't look at Ashlyn.

"Siblings fight. I'm not saying I approve, but I understand. Ok?" She nudged her son with her shoulder.

He just nodded. Ash could see remorse written all over his face.

"Jake, there are two offenses today. Actually, there's technically three. But I'm only gonna punish you for two, this time."

Ashlyn turned so that she was facing him.

"Look at me, son." He lifted his face and obeyed. "The first offense is that you hurt your brother. I don't have to lecture you about how lucky you are to have each other, so I'll leave it at that. Your punishment is no soccer with Grandpa for a week."

"What?! That's not fair! I barely touched him." Jake objected.

"Son, any type of violent touching is, as your mom would say, 'unacceptable.' That's it. There's no debate." 

"Ok."

"The second offense, and this one is really two offenses in one, is that you lied to me. You lied to me twice."

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to get in trouble." He explained.

"I know. It's human nature to try to cover up our mistakes, but it always ends up hurting us in the end. Face your failures and move on. But most importantly don't lie to the ones who love you." 

For the first time Ashlyn's voice cracked. Jacob had hurt her when he lied to her. And then he hurt her again when he lied the second time.

"I'm sorry, Mama." He grabbed her hand as if to offer comfort.

"I forgive you. But you need to know something. I'm not gonna let you get away with doing wrong things, but I will always love you no matter what you do. You don't have to pretend to be perfect. And you never have to be afraid to talk to me. It's not gonna change how I feel about you."

"Ok, Mama. I really am sorry."

"I know. Like I said, I forgive you. I want you to apologize to Sam too. And because you lied to me....no video games for two weeks."

You would've thought Ashlyn cut off his right arm.

"I can't live without games for TWO WEEKS!"

Ashlyn wanted to laugh at how dramatic and devastated her teenager was acting but she knew that would be the wrong response.

"I think you'll survive." She helped the boy up to his feet. "Let's go apologize to Sam so we can be one big happy family again."

"Ok." Jake was not at all looking forward to the next two weeks, but he certainly learned his lesson.

...

Jake and Sam made up instantly. They spent the rest of the day playing together in the back yard. Sam was never one to hold a grudge and Jake wasn't allowed to play video games so there really wasn't anything else to do but hang out with his younger siblings anyway.

...

The next day Ashlyn awoke with Sam's weight on her stomach. She opened her eyes to find his face inches from her own. 

"Mama, I'm four!" He whispered. Ali had told him he could wait for Ashlyn to wake up if he was quiet. 

"Hmmm." Ashlyn groan a little. "Yes, you are, Bam." 

He stayed in place, staring at her with a big smile on his face. He whispered again. "Mama, I'm four!"

Ashlyn laughed. He was showing quite a bit of restraint for a little boy who was bursting with excitement.

"I know. What do you think Mommy made for your birthday breakfast?"

"Pancakes!"

"What kind?"

"Chocolate!" He went from whisper to yelling in a few seconds. Chocolate chip birthday pancakes were too much excitement for him to contain.

Ashlyn sat up slowly and let the boy climb on her back. She gave him a piggy back ride to the kitchen.

"There's my birthday boy!" Ali gave Sam a kiss and made a big deal about how big he was getting and how special he was to her.

"Mommy, I'm four!" He started up again.

Ash gave Jake a look of warning as if to remind him that patience is the expectation in a moment like this. 

Jake got the message.

"Happy birthday, Sam!" Jacob said. "How old are you today?" He laughed and gave his Mama a smile.

"I'm four!" Sam cheered

Poor Lex was not amused. She just rolled her eyes.

"How many is four, Sam?" Ali asked.

Sam really had to think about it. They were working on his counting and he did pretty good but reciting numbers and calculating are two different things.

Ali was a pro at helping him and she put up one finger. "Remember...one," she put up two fingers, "two," three fingers, "three," four fingers, "and four."

Sam was mimicking Ali's fingers and copying what she would say a split second after she would say the number.

"I'm four!" This time he held up four fingers and cheered because he knew he got it right.

"You are four. And you're smart. And handsome. And adorable. And cute. And funny. And talented. And my favorite four year old in the whole wide world." Ali was really laying it on thick. 

Sam loved all the attention and compliments. He felt special. Every time Ali would pay him a compliment he did a little wiggle dance in his chair as a mini celebration.

...

The birthday party was made up of friends, family and team mates. It was super hero themed and everyone dressed up like their favorite hero. 

They had a bounce house set up in the back yard and hired some people to come who dressed up like the Avengers. A lot of Sam and Lexi's friends from daycare were there along with their parents.

Ali made a Superman cake and served snow cones. 

"Babe, do you need me to do anything?" Ash asked. She was wearing a button up, suit vest, and glasses, like Clark Kent, and had a superman logo t-shirt showing underneath her unbuttoned shirt. Ali was dressed as Lois Lane. 

"No, I think we're all set here, but I do want to get a family picture while everyone is still in full costume.

The birthday boy dressed as Spider-Man and had silly string bands on his wrists that he could shoot like webs. Jake had a batman costume on and Lex was wonder woman. The family posed for their picture and then the kids swung at an overstuffed piñata. 

Once the food was eaten, the presents were opened, and everyone went home, Ashlyn pulled her wife into a hug. "Babe, you're MY hero!" 

"Well, you're MINE!" Ali answered.

Ali pulled Ashlyn down a few inches so she could place a kiss on her lips.

"BARF!" Jake walked by at that exact moment. "Aren't you guys a little old for that kind of stuff."

Ashlyn laughed against her wife's lips.

"Excuse you?!" Ali wasn't gonna let some young whipper snapper call her old. "How dare you? We are young and still in our prime, mister!" She gave Jake the old finger wag to make her point.

All Ashlyn could do was laugh. Ali didn't approve.

"What are you laughing at? You're not that much younger than me!" 

"I may not be that much younger, but you'll always be older." Ashlyn pulled her wife in for another hug, but Ali was struggling against her attempts to bring her close.

Ashlyn tried to smooth things over. "Calm down, cougar. You're still hot.....even in your old age."

Jake couldn't take it. "I'm outta here." He said and left the two to work out their issues.

...

"I can't believe our baby is four." Ali whined to Ashlyn as they laid in bed trying to fall asleep.

"Yep. But it's ok that we're getting older, babe. Because our best years are yet to come." Ashlyn pulled Ali in closer to her.

"You think so?"

"Oh yeah. I think no matter what we accomplish in our lives, our biggest accomplishments will be our kids. As they grow up we will really know what happiness is."

"I feel like I already know what happiness is. I'm pretty happy with my life now. Why can't I just stay young forever?" Ali pouted.

"Yeah, but think about it. We'll see our protector Jake do such good things for people who need someone to stand up for them. We'll see our little princess grow up to be a beautiful and strong woman, and our little sweet and kind Sam will probably turn into a real life superhero with all that energy he has." 

"A real life hero....like his Mama." Ali said sweetly.

The two women agreed that maybe getting older wasn't so bad after all.


	70. Can't Let Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This is a flashback chapter covering in more detail Ashlyn's sexual assault that was mentioned in an earlier chapter. I want to warn you now, that this may be a difficult chapter for some people to read. So please skip it if you think you might be hurt by it.

FLASHBACK

After Ali had surprised Ashlyn and visited her for her graduation the two entered into a confusing time in their relationship. Ali had gone back to Germany to sort through her feelings for Ashlyn and admit to herself about her sexuality. Ashlyn had signed with the Flash and spent those months apart trying to quiet the constant pulse that ran through her body, beating only for her best friend. 

Once Ash dropped Ali off at the airport she decided that Ali would never see her as someone she could build a life with. Ashlyn decided to move on. Ashlyn tried to forget her, but every conscious thought belonged to the girl in Germany. So Ashlyn did the only thing she knew to do which was to find someone, anyone, who could quiet her thoughts for just one short moment of peace. 

She wasn't the type to bring a stranger home with her. She would usually go to a club or bar with her team mates and find someone to talk to for the night. Ashlyn would then drink away her reality and flirt, if needed, to keep a warm body present and interested. She just wanted someone who was available and made and effort to care about her. Ashlyn had sent Ali emails and even an old fashion letter but she ignored them. Ash felt that her heart was heavy and she had no one to help carry it. 

This was her normal routine for several months until one evening things got out of hand, and left Ashlyn to consider that if things didn't change then her love for Ali was going to kill her. 

The night started like all the others. After a hard day of practice Ashlyn tried to rally a group to go to a local bar. None of her friends ended up going, which meant no one was around to keep an eye on her.

She found a lone barstool and started drinking. The first few shots were on her. Everything after that were provided by a man in his mid twenties. Ashlyn obviously wasn't romantically interested in the man, but she was very interested in the free alcohol that came as a benefit of talking to him. 

"Let me get you a fresh drink." A somewhat attractive well-built man said and sat next to Ashlyn. 

"Sure." Ashlyn didn't even look up at him. 

"I'm Steve." He waited for her to introduce herself but she didn't go for it. "And you are?"

"Ashlyn." She didn't care enough to keep it from him.

"What's a pretty girl like you doing in a place like this all alone?"

Ashlyn gagged after hearing his stupid line and continued to lift the glass in her hand to her lips.

"So, you got a boyfriend?"

Ash laughed. "Nope."

"A girlfriend?" The man raised an eyebrow and gave a half smile.

"Definitely not." Ashlyn answered. She had been trying so hard to forget Ali and then some idiot brings her mind right back to her.

"Too bad. Lesbians are hot." The guy was an idiot.

Ashlyn rolled her eyes. She decided even free booze wasn't enough to make talking to this guy worth it.

"Thanks for the drinks." Ashlyn pushed the empty glass forward and stepped away from the stool. "Have a good night, man." She started to walk away and Steve grabbed her arm and pulled her back.

"Where are you going? We were just getting acquainted." 

"Dude, let go of me." Ashlyn pulled her arm out of his grasp and started to walk away. The man jumped out of his seat and rushed to get in front of her.

"Listen, I'm sorry about that. I just got excited because I didn't want our evening to end. I'll leave you alone." He put his hands up in the air like he was surrendering and then walked away. Ashlyn decided to go to the bathroom and then get a cab and go home. 

She took a few minutes to straighten herself up. She looked in the mirror and cringed at was she saw. She looked years older than she did when she first got there. Her head was pounding from the loud music and she had to admit that none of it took away the pain that Ali caused. 

How did she manage to fall in love with a girl who had no interest in her? Like every other night, Ashlyn was mad at herself for letting her best friend have such a dangerous hold on her.

She washed her face and felt like crying. She decided that she wasn't ready to leave quite yet. The voice of her self-hatred still resonated too loudly for her to ignore. She needed a few more drinks before she would be able to get to sleep that night. She took a seat at the bar again. This time she wedged herself in between two groups of people so that no unwanted person could make their way in. 

She felt a tap on her shoulder and turned to find a familiar face. Steve was standing there with Ashlyn's favorite drink.

"Hey, I just wanted to apologize if I freaked you out. I got you this." He handed the drink to her. "I'm not gonna bother you anymore. I'm actually gonna get going." He gave her a wave and said, "Nice meeting you." 

Ashlyn watched Steve leave through the front door. 

Ashlyn had already had too many drinks. She wasn't thinking clearly. She swallowed the burning liquid that he gave her and slammed the glass down on the counter. After a beer to chase down the hard liquor she began to feel dizzy. She knew she had had too much and started to make her way to the front door. She decided it was time to get a cab. A few feet before she reached the door she felt her legs get heavy. They were too heavy. She could no longer use them to stand or walk. The room began to spin and her head felt foggy. She fell forward but was caught by a man standing beside the door. 

"Hey darlin', it looks like you changed your mind about me." Steve had been waiting for the powder he put in her drink to finally kick in. He had his arm around her waist and held her up. He helped her walk to the curb and smiled at the taxi driver. 

"My girlfriend has had too much to drink." They shared a laugh. "Don't worry. I don't think she'll puke all over your car." 

Steve found Ashlyn's license in her purse and told the driver the address to take them too. He leaned her against his shoulder and she was already to out of it to try to push away. 

Ashlyn lived alone in a one bedroom apartment. Steve decided this was his lucky day. 

He dropped her on her bed and stripped off her clothes. He spoke to her like she was able to understand him. He talked and talked as if they were having a real conversation and were in a real relationship. He was pathetic.

Ashlyn was gone. Her mind and body were useless to fight off her attacker. The man had his way with her. He was rough. He was angry. He was a coward.

...

Ashlyn woke up the next morning with an unfamiliar kind of hangover and an all too familiar ache. Steve was long gone, but she couldn't remember a thing about him anyway. The entire previous night was lost to her. 

She showered and examined her battered body. She had bruises and marks all over. It hurt for her to walk and especially to use the bathroom. She knew something sexual happened but she didn't want to know the details. The entire situation brought back horrible memories from when she was a child.

When she was young and defenseless, much like the night before, her foster father would enter her room late at night and sexually assault her. Even now there were nights she could still hear her bedroom door open and creak like it did when she was a kid and her foster dad would let himself in for the sake of hurting her.

Ashlyn stood in front of her bathroom mirror and clung to the sink in front of her. What had happened to her life? She had worked so hard in school and soccer to free herself from the oppression and abuse that she was trapped in growing up. And here she was opening the cell door and willingly walking back into the prison she grew up in. 

Steve was truly the one at fault, but Ashlyn couldn't help but blame herself.

...

She wrote Ali a good-bye letter. She felt that the only way to let her go was to let her know her heart. 

...

-Ali,

You probably think I'm crazy for writing this letter to you. You probably think that I should have gotten the hint after you've ignored all of my other attempts to talk to you. I don't know what happened between us. You're my best friend. Or at least I thought you were. 

In my first letter to you I thanked you for flying all the way to NC to be at my graduation. None of my other friends did that. I thought maybe you had other reasons to come and visit , but it turned out it was just to be a good friend. It's ok. I was glad to have you there either way.

I broke up with Jess. She was kinda the one to start it, but it was because of you. She asked me if I had feelings for you. I said that I did. She slapped me twice. I haven't seen her since. I feel so alone. 

I wish you would talk to me. Even if you hate me. I wish you would at least let me know. I have this constant ache in my chest. I've tried everything to get it to go away. I know it's because you're gone. I imagine it's my heart trying to find a way to break free from me so that it can take it's proper place with you. I feel like no matter where I go or what I do, I will never find happiness if it doesn't involve you.

Since the last time I spoke to you, I found out you were gay. I don't know why you would hide this from me. Remember? I'm the one that thought you were gay when we first met.The only reason I can think of that you would keep something like this from me is because you think that I would make a move. So, I figure if you are trying to avoid that from happening it must mean the only 'move' you want me to make is away from you. 

I've set myself on a destructive course since you've last seen me. And I can't do that anymore. My love for you is killing me. I have to give you up. I'm sure we will see each other in the future. Our careers will intersect many times. Soccer is all I have now, so I can't give that up too. When those occasions come, I beg you to stay away. Loving you is too easy. And loving you is too hard.

I want more than anything for you to be happy, Alex. I want you to know love and to be accepted for who you are. I know from personal experience what it means to feel unloved. I know what it means to be rejected. And I don't ever want you to know that pain. 

I am not angry at you. I don't blame you, actually. I have never known happiness and wouldn't know how to give it to you. I'm choosing to walk away. I'm choosing to do the right thing for you, and say goodbye. I can't hold on anymore. I'm just not strong enough. 

I will never regret loving you.

 

-Ash  
...

Ashlyn never sent that letter. She kept it in her wallet as a reminder of her commitment to move on. Of course, keeping it meant she was still holding on. Ali would always be the one thing Ashlyn couldn't let go of.


	71. Dreams

"So..." Ali said getting ready to sweet talk her wife into changing her mind.

"Sooooooo..." Ashlyn dramatically repeated.

"So, I was thinking."

"Uh, oh." Ash knew her wife was going to try to talk her into something.

"What?" Ali acted offended. But this was just part of her strategy. If Ash thought she was offended then she would want to make it up to her and was more likely to give in to her request.

"Ok cut the crap, Alex. What do you want?" Ashlyn knew something was coming and it might as well come sooner rather than later. 

"I was thinking that since my dad is coming over today that maybe you can change your mind about letting Jake play soccer with him."

"Alex, it's been 4 days. He still has 3 more days of punishment."

"Yeah, but he is also grounded from video games for another 10 days. I just think that the time he spends with my dad is really important. Soccer brings them together. You remember how he was when they first met. I think its a really good thing for him to spend time with him."

"He can still hang out with him. He just can't play soccer." Ashlyn didn't see the problem.

"Baby, just think about it." Ali knew exactly how to handle Ashlyn. She started to play with the drawstring of her wife's sweat pants. "He loves playing and he's been working so hard." Ali pulled on the string bringing Ashlyn even closer to her.

Ashlyn wasn't thinking about Jake's punishment anymore. She was thinking about the way her wife's body felt pressed up against her.

"Ok." Ash answered. She leaned in to kiss the smile that was forming on her wife's lips.

"Thank you, Love." Ali said between kisses. She was ready to show her wife exactly how much she appreciated her decision.

Their oldest child would have to wait until later to hear the verdict of his punishment. Ali was busy thanking her wife.

...

 

"Gramps!" Sam ran to his Grandpa and jumped into his arms.

"Hi, Dad." Ali dodged Sam's bouncing body to give her father a kiss on the cheek.

"Hi, sweetheart." He always loved seeing his daughter and grandkids. It was a blessing to him to have them so close to where he lived.

Jacob greeted his Grandfather excitedly. "Grandpa, I'm allowed to play soccer today."

"Really?" Ali's Dad looked at her for confirmation.

"Ashlyn decided that he deserved a break from his punishment." Ali was happy to give her wife all the credit for the decision change. 

Grandpa and both grandsons cheered for Jake's release. Jacob ran to get his soccer ball so that he could show his Grandfather some new tricks he had been trying out.

"Where's my other daughter and my little princess?" 

"Ash took Lex on a special date today. She felt like they needed some bonding time."

Sam used his little fingers to pull on his Grandpa's earlobe. He pulled it towards his lips and whispered. "Gramps, I'm four."

The adults laughed together. The boy was still excited about his birthday from a few days ago.

"I know. You wanna know how I can tell?" Grandpa asked.

"How?" The boy whispered. 

"You're heavier now that you're four. I can barely lift you." Ali's dad pretended to drop him and then caught him right at the last moment.

"I'm not heavy!" Sam giggled.

Ken kept pretending to drop him, so Sam grabbed hold of his neck and hung on with his legs dangling until Ali put an end to it.

"Ok, enough hanging off of your Grandpa. You're gonna break his neck."

"I break your neck, Gramps?" Samuel was worried.

"No, your Mommy forgets how tough I am." He put the boy down just in time for Jake to kick his soccer ball to him.

"Jacob! You know better than to kick a ball in the house." Jake's excitement gave him a momentary lapse of judgment.

"Whoops! Sorry, Mom." He grabbed the ball from the floor and carried it out to the back yard.

"You're so strict." Ali's dad joked. "You remind me of your mom when you were a kid. I seem to remember a few broken items because of you and Kyle kicking a ball around."

"Exactly! That's why I know he needs to keep it outside. I've learned from experience. And now I'm the one who has to pay to replace the stuff." Ali laughed. 

...

Ashlyn took Lexi out for lunch and then to see an amateur ballet performance at a local community college. Lex was tough when she played soccer and dealt with her brothers, but she also appreciated the finer beautiful things in life too.

She watched in amazement as the dancers moved with grace. She taught Ashlyn a few things about the moves and build up of the music. Ashlyn really appreciated her daughter's passion and intelligence. 

"Princess, are you ready to go home or do you wanna go for a walk in the park?"

"I don't want to go home yet, Mama. I like it when it's just me and you." 

Lex was loving all of the extra attention. She was a lot calmer than Sam and smaller than Jake. She often felt like she just blended into the background and her brothers got all the attention. 

Ashlyn took her to get an ice cream cone and Lex grabbed her Mama's hand to hold as they walked around the busy park.

Ash asked her what her favorite thing was that has happened in the last week. She quickly said going on a date with Ashlyn. When Ash asked about her least favorite part of the week, she admitted that she had been having bad dreams that had caused her to lose a lot of sleep.

"You've been having bad dreams a lot, huh?" 

Lexi nodded sadly.

"What are your bad dreams about?"

"It's dark and everyone is running away from me. I can't catch you."

"Who's everybody? Who's running away from you?" Ash asked.

"You and Mommy and Jake and Sammy." Lex started to tear up.

"My little princess." Ashlyn knelt down in front of her and made sure to look right into her eyes. "That IS a bad dream, Lex. I'm so sorry. But it's just a dream. We will only ever run towards you." Lex smiled and hugged her Mama. 

Ash continued. "Unless you're yelling at your brother...then he might actually run from you, but only for a minute." She laughed. 

Lex laughed too. "I can always catch him. He's too slow." 

"It's cuz he has little mini legs. You're just too fast!" 

Lex was feeling better already.

"Lex, I want you to come and wake me up anytime you have a bad dream. Your Mommy and I want to make sure you always know how much we love you. Our family wouldn't be complete without you." 

Lex smiled widely. "I love you, Mama!"

"I love you too, Princess Lex." Ash surprised her daughter by sneaking a taste of her ice cream cone.

"Mama!" 

"What? I was just keeping it from dripping all over your pretty dress."

Lexi was too smart to believe her Mama's excuse. She settled the argument by getting Ash to give her a taste of her own ice cream too.

...

The two returned home with smiles and laughter. Ash gave her daughter a piggy back ride from the car to the house. Ali gave them both welcome home kisses.

"Did you have fun with Mama today?" Ali asked.

"Yeah! We went to the ballet!" 

Ash lowered herself so Lex could climb off her back.

"Lexi, Grandpa is here and he's been waiting to see you." Ali pointed towards their backyard and Lex hurried to see him.

After Lex left, Ashlyn told Ali about the dreams their daughter had been having. The two planned to be extra watchful over their daughter to make sure she felt loved and safe.

...

That night poor Lexi had the same nightmare again. She climbed up into her parent's bed and tapped on Ashlyn's shoulder. Ash didn't even flinch. Ali, on the other hand, felt the bed dip as soon as her daughter joined them in bed.

"Sweetheart, are you ok?" Ali asked.

"Mama said I can come in here if I have a bad dream." Lex had big tears in her eyes.

"You're always welcome, sweetheart." Ali opened up her arms to Lexi and held her tight. 

...

The next morning Sam and Monster woke his Mama and sister up. Ali had told Sammy to let them sleep but he seemed to have used up all his patience pretty quickly. He decided that if Monster was the one to wake them up then it would be ok.

He set his dog on top of Ashlyn's chest and let the dogs friendly tail wagging and face licking do the rest. Ashlyn woke up quickly and Lexi was close behind.

"Mama!" Sam saw that his mom was semi-awake and climbed up to join his dog on top of her.

"Sam-Bam." Ash didn't sound quite as excited as Sam was to be awake.

"Mommy's makin' pancakes." Sam loved Ali's pancakes.

"Ok." Ash loved to sleep.

The boy laid his head down on Ashlyn's chest and she thought she might actually get a few more minutes of sleep until the boy started talking again.

"Mama, I can hear your heart." He put his ear back down against her chest. "It goes whoosh, whoosh." He tried to mimic the sound.

"Alright Bud, why don't we get some pancakes." Ash wanted to keep sleeping but her son's extra attention made it impossible.

Ashlyn carried both her kids down to breakfast and dropped Sam off in the kitchen. She gave Ali a kiss and took Lex to the living room, where the two of them could continue their quest for more sleep.

"What's wrong with them?" Jake asked.

"Lex had a bad dream last night. Once your Mama woke up with her she had a hard time falling asleep too." Ali said.

"What kind of bad dream?" Jake was worried about his sister. He knew what is was like to have a nightmare every now and then.

"I think it's mostly about her feeling like she doesn't belong. Your mom and I have talked about it and we are gonna give her a little extra attention to confirm to her that she is a important part of this family."

Jacob took in everything his Mom said and thought about it the rest of the day. Being reunited with his family made him feel that he needed to watch over them and protect them. He didn't like that Lexi didn't feel like she belonged.

...

The following night the family went through their nightly bedtime routine. The kids were bathed, read to, kissed, and tucked in. 

Ashlyn had fallen asleep almost immediately once her head hit the pillow. Ali finished up her own bedtime routine and joined her snoring wife in bed. She gave her wife a soft kiss and then shimmied her way underneath Ashlyn's arm and rested her head on Ash's shoulder.

The women had slept for a few hours before Ali heard a stirring down the hall. It took her a few minutes to wake up enough to decide to check on the noise she heard.

She checked in Lexi's room first and saw that her bed was empty. She looked in Sam's room and he was missing too.

Finally she looked in Jake's room and found all three kids, plus a tired golden retriever sharing Jacob's twin bed. Jake had one arm around each sibling. Ali's heart melted. She had the best kids in the world.

The next morning Ali asked the kids how they all ended up in Jake's room. Jacob said he heard Lex talking in her sleep and decided to carry her to his room. Monster woke Sam up and they checked on the other two kids. When Jake told Sam that Lex had a bad dream he decided that both he and Monster needed to stay close by to protect his sister.

After that night Lexi's dreams became less frequent and she felt more confident in her place in the family. Ali and Ash could not have been more proud of their kids. 

Ali was so pleased with her son's protective ways with the younger kids that she tried to convince her wife to shorten his video game punishment too.

"So," Ali said to her wife. "I was thinking...."


	72. Cookie Monsters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains a prompt. I hope you like it.

"Mama" Sam looked so sad snuggled close to Ashlyn in their favorite recliner. "My tummy hurts." The little boy whined. 

He had eaten an entire box of cookies. Somehow he snuck it out of the grocery bag when Ali was putting the groceries away. He had them hidden in his room for a week. He completely forgot they were still there until he stumbled upon them in his toy box. Apparently his toy box was a very good hiding spot. 

He spent the next half hour eating the entire package. Ashlyn found him with chocolate all over his face and hands. The poor little guy was on his bedroom floor groaning. 

"I know, Bam. You ate too many cookies. You'll feel better in a little bit. You need to let your tummy settle down. Next time make better decisions about what you eat." Ashlyn tried to comfort him but he was miserable.

"Ow, Mama." The boy cried. He was holding his upset stomach and moaning.

All Ashlyn could do was wait it out with him. She held him close and gave him kisses. 

...

Ali brought home pizza and their two older kids. Lex headed straight for Ashlyn.

"Mama, can I sit with you and Sammy?"

"Of course, princess." Ashlyn helped the girl up and held both of her smallest children in her lap. 

"Mama?" Jacob put a hand on Ash's shoulder. "Do you want me to get you some food or something to drink?"

Ashlyn scrunched her eyebrows together. She looked at Lexi, who was holding on tight to Ashlyn's neck and then at Jake who was waiting to take her lunch order.

"What's going on?" Ashlyn asked. Jacob shrugged his shoulders and stayed silent.

Ali handed him and her wife a plate and gave Ash a kiss as greeting.

"Al, what's up with the kids?" 

"What do you mean?" She acted ignorant, but knew all about the plan they had come up with on their way home.

Ashlyn looked down at Sam and said "It's not unusual for this one to be affectionate, but what about these other two?"

"They talked about you all the way home. So I might have suggested that they show you how much they appreciate you. This must be their way of doing that. And if I were you, I wouldn't question it. Get it while you can." Ali laughed.

"I see. Well, I think the appreciation has worn off a little." Ashlyn nodded toward Jake who had his mouth full of pizza and was flipping channels on the tv.

He partially heard what Ashlyn said and turned to her with a mouth full of pizza and asked "What?"

"Nothing, son. Eat your pizza." Ash laughed.

Ali knelt down next to her wife's chair and pulled her head close for a kiss. "How's our little patient feeling?" 

"He's pretty miserable."

"I got him some ginger ale to settle his stomach. I'll see if he'll take it." Ali said.

Ali left to get the beverage and Lex started humming in her Mama's ear.

"What are you singing, princess?" Ash asked.

"A song for you."

"For me? How does it go?" Ash was surprised her daughter wasn't usually the singing type unless it involved disney princesses.

"My Mama is the best Mama and I love her and she loves me and she takes me to ballet and I like to hold her hand and..." Lexi sang words and a tune that were obviously made up on the spot.

"I don't remember the rest." Lexi said.

"That was a beautiful song." Ash bragged. Lexi's face lit up. She loved getting her Mama's approval.

"Beaut-ful song." Sam copied Ash.

"Did I just a hear my handsome boy?" Ali had just arrived with the ginger ale for Sam.

"Mommy, that's me!" Sam said. He was starting to feel better.

"You were so sick when I got home that I didn't get a kiss from you." Ali bent down close to her son's face and he gladly gave her the kiss she had been waiting for. "I have something for you to drink. The bubbles will make you feel better." 

"Bubbles?" Ash wasn't sure her wife knew what she was talking about. "It's the ginger. The ginger is what calms the stomach."

"The bubbles is what makes you burp and that relieves pressure." Ali answered.

"What are you talking about? Technically it's the bubbles that create the pressure so your argument doesn't make any sense." Ashlyn was certain her opinion was correct.

"Mommy, I drink it!" Sam got excited. "I like to burp!"

"Well, there ya go. I win!" Ali gloated.

"Just cuz the boy likes to burp doesn't prove your point." Ashlyn couldn't believe this was an actual conversation they were having.

"Oh shush!" Ali gave Ash a look that told her their debate was over.

Sam drank the soda and then reached up for Ali to take him. Ali gave Ash a smirk as if to tell her 'I told you so.'

To which Ashlyn replied. "Again, that doesn't prove anything." 

...

Sam was feeling much better after a little Mommy/Sammy time. Ali kissed him and spoiled him until his stomach settled and he was ready once again to take over the world.

Ali's Dad came over to pick the kids up for the weekend. Ali and Ash had an away game and were going to be gone. When Ken arrived the women said good-bye to their kids and gave kisses and hugs liberally.

"Mama, don't go." Sam said and grabbed Ashlyn around her legs. He was acting really clingy to Ashlyn ever since his parents told him they were leaving.

"Bam, I'm coming back." Ashlyn said and picked the boy up. "It's only for a couple days."

"No! Don't go!" Sam slapped Ashlyn on the chest and tried to get out of her grasp.

"Samuel Christopher!" Ali was not a fan of Sam's hitting.

"No, no, no, no!" Sam was throwing a tantrum to try and get his way. He kicked his legs and screamed. Ashlyn responded by holding him tighter.

"Samuel, you stop it right now!" Ali  
scolded. He kicked all the more.

"What is your problem, Sam?!" Jake was ready to tackle his little brother if he didn't cut it out.

Sam responded by yelling 'NO' even louder.

"Jacob let us handle it." Ali didn't want to start trouble between the two children and Jake didn't understand why he was being told to stay out of it.

"He's kicking her in the stomach. He has to stop. He's gonna hurt her." Jacob was worried about his mother.

"It's ok." Ashlyn finally spoke up. She put the boy down and he ran away. He tried to hide in the backyard.

Ali checked her watch, "We've got 5 minutes to figure this out before we have to go." She reminded her wife that they were on a tight schedule.

Ashlyn looked so sad. Her normally sweet and gentle son had kicked and slapped her. She couldn't understand why.

Ali saw how upset her wife was. She took her hand and walked with her to the backyard.

"Baby, it's gonna be fine. Even if we don't figure it out before we leave. It will be ok." Ali said.

Ashlyn didn't respond. She just kept her hurt feelings to herself.

"Samuel, come here NOW!" Ali wasn't gonna mess around with searching the yard. She knew that the boy would hear her tone and hopefully his conscience would take over.

Sure enough the little boy came out from behind their oak tree and walked slowly to the women.

Ashlyn sat down on the ground to get closer to her little man. He walked right past her and went to Ali. That one hurt. Ashlyn stood up and walked back inside. She took both of their bags to the car and waited in the driveway for her wife.

Ali joined Ashlyn a few minutes later and greeted her with a peck on the cheek.

"He's not talking." Ali informed Ash. "He's upset about something but he refused to say."

"He's upset with me." Ashlyn concluded. She got into the front seat of Ali's car and stayed quiet the whole ride to meet their team.

...

Once the team filed onto the bus Ali decided to talk to her wife about what happened. 

"Baby, don't get so upset. He's four. Four year olds throw tantrums and get upset for no rational reason. Team Awesome is gonna be just fine. We'll skype with him when we get checked in at the hotel and I'm sure everything will get worked out." Ali said.

Ashlyn nodded and gave her wife a small smile. She knew Ali was right, but Samuel was usually Ashlyn's biggest fan and she wasn't used to being treated like that.

Halfway to Buffalo the team stopped at a gas station. Ashlyn decided to roam around inside to find some kind of food. She came back with a hot dog and a bagful of snacks.

"Uh, that stinks! What is that?" Ali asked.

"Jalapeño sausage dog." Ashlyn replied.

"That smells disgusting! What did you put on it?"

"Hot sauce, mayo, pickles, hot peppers, mustard, and ketchup." Ashlyn was proud of her spicy masterpiece.

"That's the worst thing I've ever heard of." Ali was worried about the ramifications that would follow eating something as foul as whatever her wife was currently sticking in her mouth.

It took about 20 minutes for the jalapeño dog to kick in, but once it did poor Ashlyn was in for a long night.

"Al, I think I'm gonna throw up." 

"I told you that dog was disgusting!" Ali felt justified in having given her wife such a hard time.

"No, for real. I'm gonna throw up." Ashlyn emptied out the contents of the snack bag and bent over, holding it up to her face.

"You're serious?" Ali could tell by the look on her wife's face that it wouldn't be long until the bus got a glimpse of jalapeño hell.

Ali hurried to the front of the bus and informed the driver of her wife's soon to be vomit situation. The driver informed Ali that he had a schedule to keep and that Ashlyn was welcome to use the bathroom in the back of the bus. 

"That bathroom is disgusting!" Ali could just imagine what has gone on in the bathroom during it's previous trips. Who knows who else had rented it.

She hurried to her wife and gave her some water. Ashlyn's face was pale and sweaty.

"Baby, you're gonna have to make it to the hotel. The driver won't pull over." Ali said. She put her hand on Ashlyn's back and tried to provide some comfort.

"What?" Ashlyn felt desperate. Her stomach was cramping and she knew something was gonna come up. 

"He said you can use the bathroom in the back." 

Ash groaned in disgust and then again in pain.

Ali helped her to the back row of the bus and informed everyone that they might want to avoid the area for awhile. They were gracious enough to give the couple some privacy.

Ali spent the rest of the trip trying to comfort Ashlyn. She was in and out of the bathroom the whole time. When she wasn't in the bathroom she was laying across the back row seat with her head in Ali's lap. Every bump the bus hit sent Ashlyn's stomach into a somersault fit. 

Once they made it to their hotel room, both women let out a huge sigh of relief.

"I'm gonna get you some water or something. You're probably really dehydrated. Just try to relax while I'm gone." Ali left Ashlyn to rest on their bed. She was exhausted. 

When Ali returned she had her wife take small sips and waited until she finished a bottle of Gatorade. She let her rest for a little while until she would wake her up to take in more liquids. She decided to skype with the kids while Ashlyn slept.

Her Dad, Jake, and Lex all sat in front of the screen happy to see her. But there was one very cute member of the family missing.

"Where's Sam?" She asked.

"He's being a baby and hiding behind the couch." Jacob was annoyed by his brother's stubborn ways.

"Tell him Mama is sleeping. Maybe he will show his face." Ali thought that he was hiding because he was mad at Ashlyn.

Sam peeked half his little head out from behind the couch.

"Mama ok?" He asked. He came out from behind the couch and tugged on the back of Jake's shirt and let his big brother hold him in his lap.

"She's ok, baby. She's just feeling a little sick." Ali answered.

The boy's face filled with panic. "She's gonna die?" He asked.

"What? No, sweetheart. She ate some gross food and it gave her a tummy ache. Remember, like the one you had earlier?" Ali didn't know why the boy was so worried.

"Mama go and get sick and die." He cried. 

"No, baby. She's ok."

"No!" The boy jumped down from Jake's lap and ran back to his hiding spot. His cries could be heard through the computer.

Ali's Dad went after the boy and Ali watched him pick him up and hold him close. He got Sam to tell him that he was afraid Ashlyn was going to get hurt because this was the first time she had been away from him since the accident.

Ali heard Sam's explanation and decided to wake Ashlyn up. She told the kids that she would call them right back. 

Once Ashlyn was awake enough to comprehend what was going on, she made one more trip to the bathroom, and drank a few more sips of water and was ready to talk to her son.

"Hey guys." Ashlyn tried to sound energetic, but failed miserably.

"Mama, you ok?" Sam asked. He had tears filling his eyes. 

"I'm fine. I ate a bad hotdog at a gas station. Remember what I told you about making good decisions about what you eat?" Ashlyn asked.

The boy nodded that he did remember.

"I made a bad decision!" She laughed at herself and put a hand on her stomach. It was sore from it's earlier activities.

Ali spoke up. "Sammy, were you mad at Mama because you thought she was gonna get really hurt?" 

He nodded 'yes.'

"Mama is better now. You don't have to be afraid." She explained.

Ashlyn laughed to herself. Ali is usually the worrier and she's the one telling their son not to worry.

Ali knew why Ash was laughing and gave her thigh a squeeze to warn her to cut it out.

"I'm fine, Bam. I promise. I have a little tummy ache right now, but that will go away soon. You don't have to worry about me, little man. Tomorrow I'm gonna make a big save for you to prove that I'm feeling great!"

Sam grinned wide. "Just for me, Mama?"

"Yep!" She smiled back. "Just for you."

Sam seemed happy with that promise and smiled. He looked down and thought really hard and then looked back up. "Mama, I sorry I hit you."

There was Ashlyn's usual sweet and kind little boy.

"I forgive you. I love you more than anything, Bam."

The two made up over an impromptu song about ninjas and cookie monsters. Not to be confused with Cookie Monster, but actual monsters who were made of cookies.


	73. Let Hope Rise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a FLASHBACK chapter.
> 
> For more context on this chapter read chapters 39 and 40.

FLASHBACK

"Can I help you, young man?" The woman behind the counter asked.

"I'm looking for my family." The 10 year old boy answered.

"What name is the reservation under?"

"I'm looking for my baby brother and sister." Jacob said.

"Where are your parents?"

"They're..." The boy hesitated. He didn't want to get in trouble. "They're in the car."

"Your parents are in the car but you don't know where your brother and sister are?" The woman was starting to get too suspicious.

"Umm sorry, I gotta go." Jake hurried out of the restaurant and quietly said to himself, "No one can help me."

The boy left the restaurant in a hurry and stumbled through the door where a young couple had just entered. The blonde tried to grab the boy and make sure he was ok but he refused to slow down. He pushed through the two women and left them behind wondering what could be done to help the boy.

"You sure you want one of those?" The brunette joked.

"It's not like we're gonna get that exact one. We're getting a newborn and a two year old. That kids gotta be like 9 or 10." Ashlyn said.

"True. Although, I wouldn't mind someone like that boy. He had good eyes." Ali replied.

"What the heck does 'good eyes' mean?"

"I don't know. I can just see it in his eyes. I think whoever his mother is is lucky to have him. He looks like a deep soul." Ali was convinced there was something special about the boy.

"We see the kid for 2 seconds, you say he has nice eyes, and now you're making assumptions about the depth of his soul? Okay, whatever you say." Ash brushed her wife off.

"Doubt me all you want, but I bet you if we ever see that kid again, you'll agree that I'm right."

"Whatever you say, princess. Can we please get a seat? I'm starving." Ashlyn begged.

"Of course your are." Ali said sarcastically.

...

"Excuse me." Jacob stood in front of a homeless man asking for spare change. "I'm looking for my brother and sister."

"We're all looking for something, kid." The man wasn't very encouraging. "What do they look like?"

Jake pulled out a picture of him and his siblings taken a couple weeks ago. It was the last picture of them together.

"I haven't seen them. Kids that small don't last long on the streets. Where do you live?" As soon as the man started asking personal questions something in Jake's mind told him to leave.

"No where. Bye." Jake took his picture and left the man.

Jacob didn't know what to do. He had more on his mind that his siblings. He also had to figure out where he was going to sleep and what he was going to eat. A 10 year old should never have to worry about these things.

He learned quickly that he had to lie to get anywhere. People wanted to help him but their definition of help was different than what he had mind. They wanted to take him to the police or child services. He wanted them to give him food and help him find his family.

He soon befriended a 16 year old named Travis, who took him under his wing and tried to show him the ropes.

"First off, you can't tell them anything about your family. Once they find out you're an orphan they don't wanna give you nothing. They wanna make you someone else's problem." Travis explained.

"How am I gonna find my brother and sister if I don't ask?" Jake asked.

"These people don't know where they are. They're probably dead anyways. If you bring them up you lose sight of what's important."

Jake didn't understand. "What's more important than me finding my family?"

"Survival."

...

Jake didn't give up looking for his family. He did, however, stop asking adults to help find them. Travis told him that adults would only hurt his chances of being reunited. He told him that when adults try to help they take away your freedom and control. They put you where you don't want to be and take you where you don't want to go.

Travis lived by two rules. #1 Trust no one and #2 Everything is acceptable if it's necessary for survival.

Jacob couldn't know that these two rules would, in fact, keep him from his family. If he would have been found earlier, he would have been placed with the Krieger-Harris family as soon as they agreed to take him. Which was inevitable. 

He was a kid learning how to survive from another kid who didn't know enough about how the world works to be giving lessons on life. But what other choice did Jake have? Travis was the only friend and the closest thing to family he had left.

The two boys became like brothers. They also became partners in crime. One of them would distract while the other would steal. They watched each others back whenever they were in a dangerous situation.

The day Jacob got picked up by a police officer was the day that Travis died. The boys had been attacked by a mugger. The man was bigger than both of them combined and he had a knife. He stabbed Travis and left Jacob to mourn the loss of his only friend.

Jacob was too overcome by the situation to realize a crowd had assembled and the police had been called. The officer that found him was kind. He wasn't like Travis had described how cops are. He gave Jake something to eat and drink and let him stay with him until he could find somewhere safe for him to go.

Jacob couldn't understand why Travis would lie to him about the world. He didn't know if it was because Travis didn't want to be alone anymore or if he really thought they'd be better off on the street.

A well-dressed woman met Jacob and the kind officer at the police station. Jake had finished off his third hamburger and was sucking down the rest of his soda. She introduced herself and asked a lot of questions. She found out his background story and promised that she would do her best to reunite him with his family.

Sometimes unplaced foster children were given opportunities to go out and do things together, sorta like a field trip. They would go to the mall, to a movie, or places where they could hang out and have fun.

The first trip that Jake went on was with a large group to a pizza place that had games that the kids could play.

He was still new to the group and kept to himself after eating his weight in pizza. He left the group to use the bathroom and saw that there was a line for both the men and the women. He stood in line minding his own business, not realizing that his future and everything he ever was searching for was standing next to him in the other line.

He noticed the same pretty blonde he saw earlier who came in with an attractive brunette and a large group of people. He thought he heard her mumble something.

"What?" He asked.

The woman seemed surprised that he heard her. He felt stupid for thinking that she actually noticed him.

The woman replied and said she liked his hat and suddenly he felt guilty about stealing it.

The two spoke very few words to each other but he immediately took a liking to her. Did she really care about him? He wasn't used to people acknowledging him unless it was in a negative way.

Who was this woman and why did she care?

They parted ways and he wished that he could see her again. He wished he knew more about this weird tattooed woman who noticed him in a crowd and made him feel like a person worth talking too. 

Before he left with his group he watched the blonde woman interact with the person she had told him was her wife. There seemed to be so much love between the two. He wondered if they or anyone, really, would ever have enough love for him. 

That night he cried himself to sleep wishing that he wasn't alone in the world. He did what he only does when times are most desperate. He prayed and asked God for help. He asked for a family. He begged that his brother and sister still be alive and be somewhere safe.

He had no way of knowing that things had already been set into motion. That same day he had met his future mother. Later that night Ali would receive a call. The next day her and Ashlyn would see his picture. His siblings were safe and waiting for him to be found.

His prayers would soon be answered.


	74. Back to School (Part One)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains a prompt request. I hope you like it and as always, thank you for reading!

"Go Jakes, Go!" Sam yelled.

"Come on Jake! Nutmeg him!" Ash yelled adding a few hand claps in the mix.

"Nutmegum!" Sam repeated.

The family was at Jacob's soccer game. Ali and her dad decided to take Lex to sit in the bleachers while Ash and Sam ran up and down the sideline cheering extra loudly for their favorite player.

Ali thought her wife and youngest child were cute when they got super excited about cheering. However, Lexi couldn't handle the volume of it. Sitting in the crowd was a good solution to that problem.

Lex sat in Ali's dad's lap and tucked herself into her Grandpa's chest. He wrapped her up protectively in his arms and she felt safe from the chaos around her.

Ali sat next to her dad and daughter and watched her son with much quieter and calmer cheers than Ash and Sam.

Ali discovered really quickly that she was sitting in the midst of a few judgmental soccer moms. She overheard them talking about her wife and son as if they were acting inappropriately. Ken discreetly asked Ali if she wanted to move but Ali said it was fine.

Ali figured the women would change subjects sooner or later. She was wrong.

One woman began to criticize Ashlyn's look. Ashlyn was wearing a backwards snapback, a tank top and baggy jeans. The woman commented on her tattoos and called her a thug.

Ali's blood was boiling. Her jaw tightened and she debated in her mind how she was going to handle her anger. She had her most sensitive child sitting next to her but the women needed shutting up. She knew if she argued with them that Lexi would definitely get upset. 

She decided that these women weren't worth the cost of upsetting her little princess. She warned her dad about what she was about to do and asked him to change seats afterward.

One woman had just made a remark about how the little boy with Ashlyn was probably going to grow up to be a hoodlum just like his mother.

Ali stood up and turned around to face the talkative women behind her.

"I think she's hot!" Ali said with a smirk.

She left the women behind speechless. She walked down to the sideline and put an arm around her wife's neck and kissed her passionately on the lips. Ashlyn was surprised but wasn't gonna complain.

"What was that for?" Ashlyn asked.

Ali leaned in to her and Ash instinctively put an arm around her wife's waist. She placed her lips gently at her wife's ear and said, "I was just watching you and had a sudden urge to let everyone know that you're mine."

Ali gave her wife a peck on the cheek while looking back at the soccer moms who had been bad-mouthing Ashlyn. They all looked embarrassed that their hateful gossip had been exposed.

They would have never imagined that someone like Ali, who they thought was very well 'put together' would ever be with someone like Ashlyn. These are the usual misconceptions and judgmental thoughts of people who base opinions on the outside appearance and not the content of the heart.

Of course, Ali and anyone with an ounce of sense knew that there wasn't a thing wrong with how Ashlyn looked, but these soccer moms didn't have much sense to begin with.

"Mommy, I get kiss?" Sam didn't want to be left out. Ali was happy to oblige the little 'hoodlum' with a cuddle and a kiss. She picked him up and held on tight. She knew those women would never know how special her son or wife truly were. And it was completely their loss.

...

After the game the family had dinner and then went for a little back to school shopping with the kids. Sam was going to start preschool and was excited about all the new friends he would make. Lexi was starting kindergarten and wanted to make sure she looked her best. Jake was going to start high school and he was scared to death.

"What's up, man? You usually love clothes shopping." Ash noticed Jake's nervous behavior.

"I don't know." He paused hoping that would be enough of an answer for his mother, but Ashlyn knew him too well to let that slide. "I guess I'm scared that they won't like me. And what if I'm not as smart as the rest of the kids?"

"Jake, you worked your butt off this summer and tested high enough to be in 9th grade with other kids your age. If there are some things that are harder for you, that's ok. We'll work hard to overcome them. I promise you, you're not alone in this." Ash gave his shoulder a squeeze and then added, "And if they don't like you, they're crazy because you're awesome. Plus a lot of the kids on your soccer team will be in your class. You don't have anything to worry about."

Ashlyn spoke confidently to her shy and timid son but she was nervous for him too. She felt the boy deserved a break. She knew everything about going to school was gonna be hard on him at first. But she worried that it might not ever get easier. He didn't know it but she was even more scared that he was.

"Mama!" Sam grabbed Ashlyn's hand. "Come." Ali had sent him over to retrieve her wife. He pulled her over to his Mommy and Jacob followed.

"Baby, I need you to help the boys pick out backpacks and school supplies." Ali handed Ashlyn a list for both Sam and Jake. "I'm gonna help Lex find the perfect outfit." Ali said this in her best diva attitude and with one snap in the air she took Lex's hand and the two walked away like models on a runway.

"They're weird." Jake said.

"Yup." Ash agreed. "We should have brought two cars." She sighed.

...

The morning of the first day of school was nerve-wracking. Ali was in super mom mode and had breakfast made, lunches packed, and all the kids' backpacks lined up by the front door. All of this was done before Ashlyn even got out of bed. 

Jake was the first one of the kids up, but he had changed his outfit several times and couldn't decide about what to wear. He wanted to look his best. Lex was the second kid up and the first ready, which wasn't surprising because she had everything planned out the night before. Sam was up, but he was still in his Thor pajamas. 

"Good morning, sweetheart." Ali said. Sam had managed to find his way to the kitchen and to his Mommy.

"G'mornin, Mommy." Sam yawned and rubbed his eyes. 

"Baby, do you think you can take Monster and go wake up your Mama?" 

"Yee-up!" Sam answered. He always gets excited when he can do anything with his dog.

"Samuel, make sure to tell her no breakfast for her until she helps you get ready."

"Ok, Mommy."

Sam hummed a made up song all the way up the stairs and into his parents' room. He picked up his dog, who had gotten bigger lately and would soon be bigger than him, and he tip toed to the side of the bed.

He whispered, "Mama, wake up." He purposely said it too quiet for her to hear. He said it again. "Mama, wake up." Then he added, "Mommy said for me and Monster to wake you up and yer not waking up so..." He put Monster right on top of Ashlyn's face. 

The little boy started giggling at the reaction of his mom to the tongue of his dog.

"What the?" Ashlyn tried to dodge Monster's licking but the dog persevered.

Sam shook from laughing so hard. He tried to stay quiet but the little boy was too excited. 

"Samuel!" Ashlyn firmly called to her son.

Sam froze immediately at the sudden seriousness of the situation.

"Get up here, son." Sam crawled up on top of his Mama's stomach.

He moved Monster onto Ali's side of the bed so that he was no longer on top of Ashlyn's face. He bent down so that his head was just above his Mama's and whispered. "Mama, wake up."

Ashlyn smiled at her cute little boy. "I am up. Your dog almost licked my face off." 

Sam scrunched his face and looked closely at Ashlyn. "No! He didn't lick yer face off." 

Ashlyn couldn't help but laugh.

"Did Mommy send you to wake me up?" Ash asked.

The boy had completely forgotten about the mission Ali had sent him on. 

"Oh yeah! Mommy said NO BREAKFAST FOR YOU!" He said it very sternly as if Ashlyn was in trouble. 

"No breakfast at all? What if I'm hungry?" Ashlyn wasn't at all worried about getting fed, she just wanted to tease her son.

"Nope! No food!"

"Can I have some of your's?" 

"NO!" He sat up so that he was looking down at his mother. He crossed his arms to look super tough.

"Oh no!" Ashlyn put an arm over her eyes and pretended to be sad. She was being over dramatic trying to get a response. She didn't have to wait long.

"Don't be sad, Mama. You can have my food." He leaned back down and tried to pry Ashlyn's arm from over her eyes. "Don't cry, Mama. I take care of you."

Ashlyn let him remove her arm and then pulled him down into a hug. She decided to thank him and while she said 'thank you' over and over again she tickled his sides and belly.

He giggled himself out of breath and Ashlyn gave him a kiss and carried him downstairs to Ali.

"What's this I hear about you trying to starve me?" Ash accused her wife.

"I said you don't get any breakfast until our little ninja is dressed and ready for school." Ali corrected her.

"Ohhh. That makes more sense." Ash gave her wife a quick peck on the cheek and then put Sam on her shoulders. "Come on Bam, let's get you looking like a presentable ninja."

"Yeah!" Sam did a karate chop, followed up by a fist pump.

...

Ash had gotten Sam ready and sent him down to breakfast. She stopped by Lex's room and admired how pretty she looked. "Princess, you are so beautiful." She walked in and took Lexi's hand so that her daughter could twirl for her. Lexi loved to twirl. "Lex, if you put as much effort into your schoolwork as you do looking cute, you won't have any problems at all." 

"I'll work hard, Mama. I want to be smart like Mommy." Lex said.

"Hey! I'm smart too."

"Mommy said she's smarter than you. So I wanna be as smart as her." Lexi didn't see why what she said was offensive. She was just stating what she had been told.

"I'm gonna have to have a talk with your smart Mommy later." Ashlyn gave Lex a kiss and told her to go down for breakfast. 

She stopped at Jake's room and could tell he was nervous. "You're looking good, son!" Ash said and walked into his room.

He stood in front of his mirror and questioned every article of clothes he had on his body.

"Should I wear the blue polo instead?" He asked.

"That ones fine. One of the perks of going to a private school and having to wear a boring uniform is that no one is going to judge you on your clothes. They all are wearing the same stuff." Ashlyn sat down on the edge of Jacob's bed. 

Ali and Ashlyn had decided that it would be better for Jacob to start out at a small private school where he could get more attention and help, if needed. Both Lex and Sam were enrolled in public school for now. The women would reevaluate each child's placement as time went on.

"I don't know." Jake turned toward her and put his head down. "What if I'm really dumb and I don't understand anything?"

"Son, sit over here." She patted the spot of the mattress right next to her. "You have overcome more than probably every other person in that school. If something is difficult, we'll work through it. Look at all the things you've gone through and where you're at today. So what if you're bad at math or English. Who cares? You're really good at the most important things in life." 

"I am?" He asked.

"Oh, yes. You're really good at not giving up. You're really good at being kind and thoughtful. You're really good at being a big brother. And your really good at being my son. If you suck at school, you'll still be good at all those things. But you know what? Your mom and I will make sure you have the best chance to do your best. That's all any of us can ever do. Ok?"

"Yeah, ok." He let a small smile escape. His biggest fear wasn't being rejected by peers or failing in school. His biggest fear was letting Ashlyn and Ali down. After hearing that Ashlyn wasn't gonna hold his shortcomings against him he felt much better. To him it was like a huge weight was removed from his shoulders. Ashlyn could see that he was starting to lighten up a little bit.

"Oh and one more thing!" Ash seemed to get really serious. She turned to her son and said, "Just because you're probably gonna be the big man on campus because you're the best player on your soccer team doesn't mean you get to act like you're too good for your old mom. Just remember that when people are standing in line to be your friend."

Jake let out a laugh and smiled widely. "They're not gonna think I'm all that great."

"Oh yes they are. Once they see your skills, it's over. Everyone is going to want to be around you. You just better not forget about me. That's all I'm saying."

"Whatever!" Jake laughed, but he had to admit he was feeling a lot better about things. Maybe school wouldn't be so bad after all.

...

Both Sam and Jake had to be dropped off at school but Lex had to take the bus. Ali about broke down in their driveway as she watched her little girl climb up the stairs, turn and wave, and then walk to her seat. It was almost too much.

After Lex left, the women had to split up to take the boys to their separate schools. Ali took Jake and Ash took Sam. They decided it would be way too hard for Ali to say goodbye to her baby. 

Ashlyn held on to Sam's little hand and walked with him down the hall and into his classroom. She helped him find his assigned desk and get his school supplies all set up. She put his backpack in his cubby labeled with his name and showed him where his lunch was. She introduced herself and Sammy to the teacher. Before she left she made sure to introduce herself to a few of the other parents. She watched as Sam played with the other children. Her son was going to be just fine. 

She sighed feeling a little sad and went to leave. Her son noticed that she was leaving and ran to her.

"Mama!" Ashlyn turned toward him and knelt down to get at his level. "Mama, don't go!"

He grabbed her around her neck and gave her a tight hug.

"It's ok, Bam. You're only here for a few hours and then I'll be back to pick you up. Until then you will get to learn and make new friends." Ashlyn was trying to keep herself from tearing up.

"Mama, yer my best friend." He just managed to melt his mother's heart all over the classroom floor.

"Oh, I love you so much!" She squeezed him for a long moment. She knew the only way to survive saying good-bye was a change of subject and bribery.

"So." Ashlyn said. "What kind of ice cream do you want when I pick you up?"

"Ice cream?" She perked his interest, for sure.

"Yeah. Me and you need to get a snack after school. It will be our thing. You can tell me about all the fun stuff you get to do while you're here."

"Yeah!" Sam was excited about the possibility of an adventure awaiting him.

"I gotta go, but I need you to know two more things before I leave."

"Ok."

"Now you have to really pay attention. Are you paying attention?" Ash asked.

"Yes, Mama. I pay attent..." He couldn't remember the rest of the word.

"Attention. It means to listen closely."

"I listen." He said.

"The first thing is that I'm proud of you. You're smart and handsome and the best little boy I know." Sam puffed out his chest and tried to hold back a grin as Ashlyn bragged about him.

"The second thing I need you to know is..." She leaned in really close and whispered into his ear. "I love you, Sam-Bam." She then gave him a huge raspberry on the cheek and sent him into a fit of giggles.

"Bye Bam, I'll see you soon."

"Bye-bye Mama. Love you." Sam waved and then turned and ran back to the area where the kids were playing. Ashlyn pulled herself together and left her son for his first day of school.

...

Ali decided to walk Jacob to class also. Jake didn't know that parents don't usually do that sort of thing in high school but he was more than happy to have her by his side. She helped him find his locker and showed him how to use the lock. She couldn't help it, she had to at least give him a hug. She knew better than to try to do much more than that. She didn't want to embarrass him. 

"I love you. Just do your best. That's all anyone can ever do." She encouraged.

"Love you, too." Jake gave Ali a hug on his own initiative and left her to join his class.

Ali took a deep breath and walked out to her car. For some reason Ali felt like she couldn't leave. She was worried about Jacob and thought that maybe if she stayed close he would be able to feel her presence and feel less alone.

She was brought out of her thoughts by a loud tapping on her window. The noise scared her and caused her to jump. She rolled down her window.

"Ashlyn Michelle! You scared the crap out of me." 

"Unlock your door." Ashlyn climbed into the passenger seat of her wife's car.

"What are you doing here?" Ali asked.

"What are YOU doing here?" Ashlyn said.

"I'm dropping off our son. I'm supposed to be here."

"You're done dropping him off. Why are you just sitting here?" Ash asked.

Ali felt dumb but decided to tell her wife the truth. "I guess I thought he might be able to feel my presence nearby and...I don't know...I guess I thought it might bring him comfort."

"That's why I'm here." Ash said and pulled out a small pair of binoculars from her coat pocket.

"Are you crazy? You can't spy on children."

"I'm not 'spying.' I'm gonna use them to watch over our son." Ash answered. She didn't seem to think she sounded crazy at all.

"Baby, what are you gonna do? Try to sneak around in the bushes outside of his classroom window?"

"Maybe..." Ash answered. "Or I was thinking maybe I could hide in a tree."

Ali started laughing at her crazy wife. "Baby, I think it's time for us to let go a little. Our babies will be ok." Ali put a hand on Ashlyn's shoulder and tried to bring some sanity back to their relationship.

"I know. I'm just worried. I know he's nervous and if anyone tries to hurt him or make fun of him I'm gonna..." Ali shut her wife up with a kiss.

She pulled away just enough to look her wife in the eyes and say, "Come on, baby. Let's go home. We have an empty house and four hours all to ourselves before we have to pick up Sam. You know what that means."

Ash's eyes went big. "A little one on one time with the Mrs." Ash smiled. She gave Ali a kiss and then hurried to her own car to make sure they didn't waste any time getting home.

They decided having 3 kids in school wasn't the worst thing in the world after all.


	75. Back to School (Part Two)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains 2 prompts. One took me a really long time to find the right context for it. So I hope it was worth the wait.

"Ash." Ali lifted her stomach a little to try to nudge her wife awake. Ashlyn had her head on her wife's chest and had fallen asleep after an eventful morning. "Baby, we need to eat and then pick up Sam from school."

Ashlyn smiled lazily and pulled herself up so that her lips were hovering over Ali's mouth. She let her weight rest fully on Ali and instead of a sweet moment shared Ali let out a grunt.

"You're dead weight on me. When did you get so heavy? I can't breathe!" Ali tried to wiggle her way free but Ash was having too much fun. 

"Babe, I'm very sensitive about my weight. You need to be nice." Ash wasn't sensitive about her weight, she just really enjoyed messing with her wife. 

"Shut up, you are not. Now get off me!" 

"You just said shut up. We don't say that in this house, young lady." Ashlyn was on a roll.

"What happened to my sweet wife? Have you seen her around here?" Ali finally mustered enough strength to roll Ash off of her and onto the floor.

"Ouch! What's your problem? I think you just gave me a concussion." Ash was fine, but she finally found a subject that would get a reaction from her wife.

"Are you serious? Did you hit your head?"

After her wife's alarmed response Ashlyn kinda felt a little guilty. She sat up so that her head was just above the top of the side of the bed. Ali bent down to check on her. Ash couldn't continue to give her wife a hard time. She looked completely distressed at the possibility that Ash might be hurt.

"I'm fine. I was just messing with you." Ashlyn had a huge smile on her face when she finally confessed.

Ali grabbed her wife's head with both hands mocking that she was going to shake it in frustration, instead she kissed her on the top of her head and said, "You drive me crazy! I don't know why I put up with you."

Ash decided to take this opportunity to tackle her wife and show her exactly why she puts up with her.

...

After Ash and Ali had a quick lunch together it was time to pick up their youngest. 

Ali wasn't willing to wait at home while Ashlyn and Sam hung out and had a great time. She promised Ashlyn she wouldn't spoil Team Awesome's mojo. 

Ashlyn at first wasn't a big fan of the idea of Ali coming along. She loved the idea of Sam thinking that their after school hang out time was a secret from the rest of the family. Of course Ali knew about it, and of course she didn't care, but Ash wanted Sam to think of it as a top secret mission for the two of them.

But since the ol' ball in chain wanted to come along Ash decided to use her wife to bring Sam a special surprise. They pulled up to the school and Ash parked her Jeep. She left Ali and Sam's surprise in the car to wait for her to bring Sam back.

She thought that she would have to go inside to retrieve the boy but the teacher had the entire class lined up outside waiting for their parents to pick them up. She watched her little boy do his wiggle dance. It's the dance he does when there's a tune in head. Sometimes he hums along while he dances and other times he just dances. Usually he's not dancing on rhythm and he's staring at nothing in particular. So Ashlyn wasn't at all surprised when he didn't see her approaching. 

He looked so cute and small with his backpack on and a note from the teacher pinned to his shirt. Ashlyn's joy and gratitude at the gift of being this little boy's mom was practically bursting out of her.

"Bam!" She interrupted his private dance party.

"Mama!" The boy's face lit up. He had waited for what he thought was all day long to see his Mama again.

Sam ran to his Mama. Ashlyn knelt down and let him hug her neck as tight as he wanted. She ended up just sitting down on the ground while the boy stood between her outstretched legs and played with one of her hands.

"How was school?" Ash asked her very excited boy.

"Goooood!" He dragged out the word and started up his wiggle dance again.

"Bam, did you make any new friends?"

He paused from his dancing and put a finger up to his chin as if he had to think really hard for an answer. Finally the boy nodded his head once and said a definitive "Yes!"

Ashlyn asked for the friend's name but he didn't know. She encouraged him to ask his new friend tomorrow and to try and remember.

Ashlyn finally asked Sam about the note attached to his shirt. The boy shrugged. Apparently his teacher was a ninja and managed to attach it without his knowledge.

Back in the Jeep, Ali decided she had waited long enough. She brought Sam's surprise with her and went in search for her wife and son. The surprise managed to give her presence away as soon as the children still waiting to be picked up saw it. 

"Monster!" Sam cheered. He got up and ran towards his Mommy and dog.

Monster headed straight for Sam. All of Sam's classmates thought that he was pretty cool to have brought a dog to school.

Ashlyn caught up with the excited crowd that had formed around her son. 

"I want you to notice that I got no greeting at all. I'm starting to see where I fall on the priority list for this boy." Ali complained.

"He's happy to see you he just has tunnel vision for his pup." Ash replied.

"What's that?" Ali motioned toward the envelope Ashlyn had unpinned from Sam. 

"It's a letter from the teacher about volunteering and a food drive and stuff like that." 

"Give it to me. We don't want to lose it." She put her hand out and Ash gave it to her gladly. Paperwork is Ali's thing.

A man approached Ali from behind and greeted her. "Hey, beautiful." 

Ali jumped at the touch of his hand on her shoulder. She made eye contact with Ashlyn to figure out how the situation was going to go. Sam was still playing with Monster and a few other kids at Ali and Ashlyn's feet. The whole situation was completely inappropriate.

Ashlyn was ready to handle it if necessary. She sized up the unwelcomed guest and she wasn't impressed. He was far too confident, if you asked Ashlyn.

Ali turned slightly toward the man and politely told him that she wasn't interested.

"Not interested?" He replied. "I wasn't offering you anything." 

Ashlyn wasn't sure how to interpret this guy. He seemed to be trying to fluster or embarrass her wife. But he hadn't technically hit on her so she really had no grounds on defending her. She stayed quiet but watched him like a hawk.

"I was just wondering how your husband could let you out of his sight. I mean, you are quite a looker." He smirked and put his hand on Ali's upper arm.

"That's enough. Please leave me alone." Ali was calm but stern.

Sam noticed that the man was acting strange toward his mom. He stood up and shook his fist. He yelled, "Leave my Mommy alone!" 

Ashlyn knew she had to take over the conversation before Super Sam-Bam and his sidekick Monster let loose.

"Excuse me, I noticed you're upsetting my son." She stared the man down.

"Your son." He pointed to Sam and then to Ashlyn. Then he took a small step back and pointed to Ali. He finally put the pieces together. "You're a couple." 

"You're brilliant." Ashlyn answered sarcastically.

Ali had put a hand on Sam's head when he first jumped up to defend her, she used her other hand to reach for Ashlyn.

"We were just leaving." Ali said. She picked up the family dog and gave Ashlyn a look to tell her to drop it and move on.

She did move on. But not without bumping her shoulder into the man to let him know she was more than willing to fight for Ali.

Ali put Sam in his car seat and made sure Monster stayed on the blanket they laid out to cover the seat. Once both her and her wife were buckled in she questioned Ashlyn.

"Was that really necessary?"

"What?" Ash asked.

"Hitting that guy?" Ali clarified.

"I didn't hit him. I ran into him. Besides he's the type to keep bothering you. I just know it. If you're gonna get mad at me or tell me I did the wrong thing, you should just drop it." Ashlyn looked in her rear view and checked on Sam to make sure he didn't know his parents were starting an argument.

"Don't tell me to just drop it. I thought the person I married was against violence. You started the physical stuff. You are the one that made contact with him." 

Ashlyn let out a frustrated sigh. If Ali wasn't going to drop it then she would. She gave Ali the silent treatment all the way to the ice cream shop.

...

Both women kept the conversation going by letting Sam do all the talking. They knew more about his first day of pre-K than they ever thought possible.

When the family returned home the women knew they had to clear things up. Sam wanted to play with Monster outside so it worked out that the women would be able to talk while he played. 

"Ashlyn why are you not talking to me?" Ali asked. She didn't understand why her wife iced her out on the way home.

"I didn't want to talk in from of Sam." Ash replied.

"Ok, well he can't hear us now."

Ashlyn looked up at Sam and saw him chasing his dog around the backyard. They definitely had privacy now.

"I didn't like the way that guy was acting towards you." Ash finally said.

"Obviously." Ali already knew that little bit of information. "He was a jerk but you shouldn't have pushed him."

"I didn't push him. I didn't hit him. He got in my way. I ran into him. Who cares?" Ashlyn didn't see why Ali was focusing so much on that small detail.

"Who cares? I care. I don't want to see you get into a fight with some stupid guy and I don't want to see you acting violent with someone because you're jealous." 

"Jealous. You think I'm jealous of that guy. Really?" Ash laughed sarcastically. "You wanna know what I think of that guy?"

Ali nodded.

"He's dangerous. He's the type of guy that wants to control other people. He wants to show that he gets what he wants and if you don't give it to him then he will hurt you. I've seen his type a million times."

"Ashlyn, you don't know him. You're assuming those things. I would say he has proven himself to be cocky and inappropriate, but he hasn't done anything wrong. You warn me not to get physical with someone because you don't want me to get hurt but that's exactly what you did."

Ali had a point but it wasn't enough to get Ashlyn to change her mind.

"Alex, I'm telling you he's a bad guy. I probably shouldn't have nudged him with my shoulder, but it's also not that big of a deal. He needs to know you're spoken for." 

"Ya see, that sounds like jealousy to me. And it also kind of sounds like I'm your property."

"Oh please, you know what I mean." Ashlyn defended.

Ali looked at her watch and sighed. "We have to figure out who's gonna pick up Jake."

Ashlyn knew Ali didn't understand her perspective but she was just going to have to trust her. She knew her wife well enough to know that she wouldn't purposely do anything to upset her. She was confident Ali would choose to stay away from the man.

"I can pick him up. Or whatever you want is fine." Ash said.

Ali knew they were gonna have to agree to disagree about their argument. She could tell Ashlyn wasn't trying to fight with her. She decided to soften her approach.

"Ash." Ali stepped closer to her wife and put and arm around her waist. "I love you. I trust you."

Ali watched relief flood Ashlyn's face. Ali looked and saw Sam running around and giggling. She knew Lex would be home soon. She had an idea.

"Why don't we all pick up Jake?" Ali suggested.

"That's a great idea." Ash said quietly. She really wanted to kiss her wife but for some reason held back.

"We can bring him a snack and then drop him off at practice." 

"I bet he'd love to see his whole family there. Let's do it!" Ash smiled. Now she was ready to kiss her wife. She pulled her in by her waist. The force was almost shocking to Ali. She was not expecting it. 

Their lip lock was stopped too soon in either women's opinion, by the tugging of Sam's little hands on their pant legs. He had one fistful of Ashlyn's pants and one fistful of Ali's.

"Hey, stop!" Sam seemed alarmed. 

"What's wrong, sweetheart?" Ali bent down and got eye level with the boy.

"Me and Monster hungry!" 

"We just had ice cream, baby. Didn't that fill you up?" Ali asked. Usually Sam was a picky eater. He didn't eat much.

"Nope!" He answered. 

Ashlyn scooped him up and said, "That's cuz you take after me. Your metabolism needs fuel." She carried him to the kitchen. She looked through he pantry and pulled out some cookies.

"Baby, don't give him that. I'll make him a sandwich. Lexi's bus is supposed to get here in a few minutes. Will you please wait outside for her?" All asked.

Ashlyn handed Sam off to her and then saluted them both. She put a leash on Monster and took him out front to wait with her for the little princess to arrive.

When the bus pulled up Lexi ran to her mother. 

"Hi, Mama." Lex gave Ash a hug and kiss and then gave a quick hug to Monster.

Ashlyn took Lexi's book bag and carried it for her. She held her hand as they walked inside. Lex was greeted with cheers when she entered. Ali had instructed Sam to clap and welcome Lexi home with style. He ran to her and gave her a hug and then ran back to his seat at the table. 

Monster pulled on his leash towards the boy and once Ash released him he jumped up beside Sam trying to sneak a piece of Samuel's sandwich. The boy wasn't allowed to give Monster human food, but he managed to sneak a few pieces from time to time.

"Princess, how was your first day of school?" Ash asked.

"It was good." She replied.

"What was your favorite part of your day?" Ali asked.

"Um...we colored pictures." Lex pointed toward her backpack and Ash pulled out a picture of a house and 5 people in front of it. Lex even included the dog.

"That's beautiful!" Ali took the picture from her wife and showed it to Sam. "Isn't that awesome, Sam? Look she even drew Monster." 

Sam nodded and smiled. With a mouth full of peanut butter and jelly he said, "Cool, Lex!"

Lexi was proud of her picture and she was even more proud that her family seemed to really like it a lot.

Ali put it up on the fridge so that she could show off her work to anyone who came to visit.

...

The entire family, this time minus Monster, filed into Ashlyn's Jeep and went to Jake's school. They arrived early so that they would be toward the front of the pick-up line. 

There were a lot of kids starting to pour out of the school but their son must have been taking his time. Ali finally decided to jump out and look inside for him. She found him the first place she looked. The poor guy was having a hard time opening up his locker.

"Hey there, handsome." Ali called out.

Jake got really stiff. He was embarrassed that he couldn't figure out the lock and he didn't want his Mom to know.

"Ya know when I was in high school I hated these things." Ali went straight for the combination lock and opened it without acknowledging Jake's difficulty. She didn't want to embarrass him.

"Thanks." Jake said softly.

"I wrote the combination on the inside of my hand for the first week of school. I wish I would have had my own cell phone. I would have just stored it in there." Ali gave her son the answer to his problem without just coming out and saying it. He was glad she was there.

They got all his books together and headed out to the Jeep.

"I'm not supposed to ask you how your day went because your mom is waiting to hear the answer too." She laughed.

When they finally got all loaded up with the rest of the family Ali was allowed to ask. "So Jacob, how was your first day of school?"

"It was good. My locker lock was a little tricky." He smiled at Ali like they had a secret they shared.

"What was your favorite part of the day?" Ash asked her favorite question when trying to pry information from her children.

"I guess, seeing you guys." He answered.

"Ok. You win. That was the best answer I've heard all day." Ash reached her hand behind her to give her son a high five.

Ali smiled at her awesome family and followed up Ashlyn's question. "So obviously we're the best part of your day." She gestured toward everyone in the car. "But what was your second favorite part of the day?"

"Hmm. Probably study hall. You get to do whatever you want. I drew this." Jake pulled out a paper that had a comic type hero. "It's Sam."

Jacob had made a comic version of his little brother. Sam was amazed!

"This is really good, Jacob!" Ali quickly showed Ash but didn't want her to be too distracted while driving.

"Dude, that's amazing! We should make a wall-size comic strip or something." Ash was already getting ideas on how to use her son's newly discovered talent.

"It's not that great."

"Are you kidding me? It's amazing!" Ash was really excited. She pictured them working on art projects together and couldn't help but burst with pride for her son.

"I'm a hero!" Sam shouted. He flexed his arms and made Jacob feel like he was the real hero. He didn't think he was that talented but his family's response made him start to  
reconsider.

"Jake, did things go better than you thought they would?" Ashlyn got serious. She knew how worried he was and both her and Ali were nervous about how things would go.

"Yeah. I already knew a lot of people. I sat with them during class and we hung out during lunch. It was ok."

"How about the work?" Ali asked.

"Some of it was hard. Some of it was easy. I hate math. My brain stops working. The teacher was trying to teach algebra." Jake explained.

"What's alja-?" Sam asked. 

"It's called algebra and I have no idea what it is." Jacob laughed and so did his parents.

"Don't worry I can help you with that." Ali said.

...

After Jake's soccer practice Ashlyn picked him up and brought him home. Lex was just finishing up with her homework when they arrived. She was writing out upper and lower case letters to turn in to her teacher.

Ali already had Jake's homework all set up at the table. "Time for homework, Jake." She wanted to make sure he didn't go straight to watching tv or playing video games.

"Right now?" He whined in a teenager sort of way.

"Right now."

Ash found Sam and took Lexi into the living room to cuddle and talk about their day. She asked Lex about her art and thought up ways that she could have Lex and Jake create something awesome together for the house. Her thoughts changed direction when she heard her wife and oldest son struggling to figure out the value of x.

She carried Sam into the kitchen with her and asked what the problem was.

"This just doesn't make sense. I think this problem is written out wrong." Ali said.

Jake looked up at Ashlyn for help. Ali obviously had forgotten how to do this kind of math.

Ashlyn grinned. She was reminded of how Lexi told her earlier that Ali thinks she's the smartest of the two parents.

"I might be able to help, but I don't want to make you feel intimidated by my intelligence." Ash mocked.

"Why did you just say that?" Ali had an idea but needed confirmation. 

"I might have been told by a miniature diva that she was lied to. She said she was told that you were smarter than me." Ash said it slowly to emphasize her point.

"I don't recall that." Yes she did.

"Hmm." Ash stared her wife down. "Why don't you take this guy." She put Sam into Ali's waiting arms. "I can help Jake." She sat down next to her son, but had one more thought. "Oh and honey, if you need help with Sam's homework you just let me know." 

Ash knew she would get in trouble for that one later but it was just too good to pass up.


	76. Ships Ahoy

"But Mom, why can't we go with you?" Jacob and Ali were picking up a few items from the grocery store and pharmacy to make sure Grandpa Ken was all stocked up to take care of the kids while Ash and Ali were in Seattle for the playoffs.

"Because you have school. You can't miss any days. You haven't even been to a full week of classes yet. Your education is more important." Ali answered.

"What's more important than the playoffs?" Jacob had his own soccer team he played for and couldn't imagine why his mother thought he should miss her playoff game for school.

"I just told you. Your education is more important. Believe it or not."

"But that sucks!" 

"I wish we could have played at home but this is how it worked out. If we make the final, we'll see what we can work out."

"I hope you make it to the finals and play the Thorns." Jake suddenly became very interested in a possible trip to Portland. 

Ali laughed at her son. "I know why you want to go to Portland. A certain brunette forward with blue eyes, maybe."

Jacob's face turned bright red, "No, I just um....I like the team."

"Whatever you say, Sweetheart."

...

 

Ali and Jacob returned home to find a crying Samuel in his Mama's arms.

"What happened?" Ali asked concerned about her smallest boy.

"He doesn't want us to leave." Ash answered. "He's afraid to go to school without us around."

"Baby, Grandpa will take you and pick you up. You'll be ok." Ali tried to comfort Samuel, but he was unconvinced.

"I want Mama to take me." Sam put his head back down further into Ashlyn's neck. She decided to let Ali handle it because she was ready to cry herself.

"Sweetheart, you need to be a big boy. You're in school now." Ali tried to reason with the 4 year old.

"I want my Mama." He cried. He wasn't being defiant or throwing a fit. He simply didn't want to be separated from his mother. 

Ali could tell Ashlyn's heart was about to break. She needed to end this quick.

"Ash, can you please let me have him?" Ali pried him out of Ashlyn's arms. Sam was holding onto Ashlyn's neck tightly and refused to let go. Jake had to help remove his little fingers.

"Samuel, I'm going to talk to Mama right now. I want you to sit next to your big brother for a few minutes. We'll be right back. Can you do that for me?"

Sam nodded and gave a shaky "yes" as his answer. He was trying not to cry.

Ali took her wife's hand and had to refocus her attention from their sad little boy to an adult conversation.

"Baby, what do you wanna do?" Ali asked.

"What do you mean? We can bring him with us?" Ash sounded like she was asking permission.

"I don't know. What do you think? He's only four, we started him a little early in pre-K and he's probably not gonna miss anything we haven't already taught him." 

"I would love to bring him." Ashlyn seemed relieved to even discuss the possibility. "But what about the other kids?"

"Jake asked me if he could come along, but I told him he couldn't miss school."

"I don't think he should miss school either. And probably Lex shouldn't either. But how do we let one kid come and not the other two." Ash asked.

"I think we just tell them that he's smaller and he needs a little more attention." Ali answered.

"Lex isn't gonna like that reason."

"You're right. We can't say it like that. Maybe just say because he's younger he can't handle it as well as they can. What do you think?" 

Ashlyn thought about her wife's suggestion. She took a good 30 seconds to think it over. "Yeah. I think she would actually respond really well to that. It will make her feel grown up."

"Why don't you tell Sam in private and I will break it to Jake and Lex. I would rather keep them separate in case things go bad." 

Ash went straight to her sons and scooped up Sam and carried him outside. Monster followed close behind to protect his little human. Ali closed the glass door behind them and then broke the news to the older children. They handled it better than she had expected. Although, Jacob was more disappointed than she thought he would be.

Ali watched through the closed sliding glass door as her wife sat on a swing holding their son close. She would have expected Sam to snap back to normal and celebrate that he got his way. Instead she watched him continue to hug Ashlyn in a way that looked like he needed comforting. She couldn't stand to be so far away from her youngest if he was hurting or feeling sad. She chose to join them outside. 

Ash gave Ali a sad shrug. She didn't know why he was acting this way either.

"Did you tell him what we discussed?" Ali asked.

"Yeah. He just held on to me tighter. Maybe he's having one of his super affectionate and clingy days."

"Maybe." Ali didn't look convinced. "What if he's not ready for school? Maybe that's causing him some anxiety." 

Being a parent is hard. 

"I wish we always knew the exact right thing to do all the time." Ashlyn said.

"Me too." Ali agreed and put her hand on her son's back. She hoped they were making the right decision.

...

The entire trip to Seattle consisted of Ashlyn carrying Sam around and Ali carrying their luggage.

"This kid is like a human furnace." Both Ashlyn and Sam's faces were bright red.

Ali felt Sam's forehead and sighed. "I think our baby is sick." 

"That makes sense of why he's been more clingy than usual." Ash said.

Ali put the back of her hand to Ashlyn's face, as well. "Baby, you better not get sick, too."

"I feel fine."

"That's what you always say."

"Well, I always feel fine."

Ali was expecting for both of her travel companions to be full out sick by tomorrow.

Once they got settled into their hotel room she instructed both her patients to rest up. Ash insisted that she was feeling normal but didn't resist. She fell asleep almost as fast as Samuel.

...

"Sammy, why don't you let me hold you for a little while." Ali whispered to her sleepy son. Ali carefully took him from her wife's arms and gave Ash a little shake to wake her up. 

They had slept all through the night since they had arrived in Seattle. Ali knew that Ashlyn wouldn't want to miss practice so she woke her up with plenty of time to get ready.

"Baby, why don't you take a cold shower, you're burning up." Ali wiped her wife's forehead with a cool damp towel.

"What time is it?" Ash asked groggily. She thought she had only slept a few hours and it was still the previous evening.

"It's 8am. Practice is at 10:30am. I'll take care of this guy." Ali nodded towards Sam. "You go get ready."

Ashlyn took a long shower. Her wife was right she felt much better bringing her temperature down. When she finished up her wife had breakfast and plenty of fluids waiting for her.

"Sweetheart, I think you should take it easy today at practice. You need to rest up for Sunday's game." Ali knew her wife had to be smart about the next 2 days or she might not get to play at all. 

She did end up taking it easy. Mostly because Samuel refused to leave her side. 

...

Game day came fast and Ash was still fighting the virus she caught from her affectionate son. She wasn't nauseous or coughing. She just had a fever and felt tired easily. She knew that she could tough it out for her team.

Sam got VIP treatment. He was well enough to sit on the bench with his Aunt Niki. She kept him hydrated and helped him cheer for his parents. She also made sure everyone else on the bench didn't use bad language around the boy. She knew he wasn't used to that kind of talk at home.

The game was intense. Ashlyn had to stop a lot of shots on goal. The Reign's attack came from every direction and the later in the game it got the harder it was for Ashlyn to stay focused. However, hearing her son's small raspy voice from the sideline helped a lot. 

Half-time couldn't come soon enough for Ashlyn. She felt like she needed to sit down and rest just for a minute and then she would feel better. 

Once the whistle blew Ali headed straight for her wife. 

"You ok?" Ali asked. She put a hand on Ashlyn's lower back and guided her to the bench. 

"Yeah, just a little thirsty." Ash answered. She took a long swig from her water bottle and walked slowly with her wife towards their son. 

Sam was excited to see them both. He ran into their legs and tried to hug both of them at once. Ali would've picked him up but she was soaked with sweat. 

The three of them made their way to the locker room. Ali changed quickly into a dry uniform and then sat down and held Sam on her lap. She saw her wife leaning up against her locker with her eyes closed and legs stretched out. She was taking deep breaths like she was sleeping. Ali thought she might actually be asleep. She knew Ashlyn wouldn't want to be caught napping during their coach's pep talk so she sent their son over to wake her up. 

He ran to her and tugged on the bottom of her shorts. He was halfway up his Mama's lap before Ashlyn even knew he was there. When she did see him she smiled and pulled him close to her. He ended up sitting on his knees facing her. He started playing with her face by squishing her cheeks and pushing on her nose. Someone was apparently starting to feel better.

When the second half started Ali made Ashlyn promise to drink water whenever she had a chance. Ashlyn promised and did her best to keep her word. 

The game was a defensive battle. Seattle had the better team offensively but the Spirit back line held their own. Ashlyn made a few acrobatic saves and the game stayed tied at zero.

After 90 minutes of play the ref announced 4 minutes of stoppage time. The team knew the upset was a long shot. They were playing against the best team in the league. They not only had to play their best soccer, but they had to make sure Seattle didn't play anywhere near as good as they usually do. They had succeeded at playing their best. The last few minutes would be where they find out what they are really made of.

Syd and Pinoe combined for a great cross and shot on goal. Ashlyn was caught off her line but still managed to get a couple fingers on a diving save that pushed the ball out of bounds just wide of the goal. 

Seattle had a corner kick with a minute to go. Rapinoe kicked a beautiful ball that bent towards the goal but unfortunately for the Reign it bent right into the hands of the keeper. Ashlyn cleared the ball quickly and caught the Reign defense off guard. 

She found the feet of Lori Lindsay who quickly passed it to Christine Nairn. Nairn cracked a shot from 40 feet that hit the back of the net. 

The Spirit were up 1 to 0!

The last 20 seconds of stoppage time felt like 20 minutes. But the game ended in a result favoring the previous year's last place team. 

The Washington Spirit had done it. They were going to the championship!

...

While the rest of the team celebrated, the Krieger-Harris' called it a night. Ashlyn didn't even make it to the hotel. She fell asleep on her wife's shoulder on the way. Sam was feeling like his old self again so Ali and Sam-Bam had their own celebration party in their hotel room while Ashlyn slept. 

Later that night Hope texted Ali and asked if she could stop by for a visit. She showed up around 30 minutes later and asked if it would be ok to wake up Ashlyn. 

Once Ash woke up Sam climbed in her lap and put his head down on her shoulder. It was well past his bedtime.

"Ash, I just wanted to congratulate you. You played a..." Hope looked at Sam and caught herself before she swore, "heck of a game." 

"Thanks." Ash was still a little groggy and a lot worn out. 

"Remember what I told you the last time our teams played each other? Except you were injured and couldn't play."

Ashlyn looked down and smiled. "Yeah, I remember."

"I told you so." Hope said.

Ali was dying to know what they were talking about. Ashlyn could tell her wife was about to explode with curiosity, so she let her in on their private moment.

"She told me if I don't give up I will be able beat anyone." Ash said. She looked up at Hope and offered a sincere smile of thanks.

"I was hoping I wouldn't be the one you beat, but if I can't win it all, I want you to." Hope meant what she said. 

She knew how hard Ash had worked, and then the injury and accident made it seem like the world was against Ashlyn. But Ash kept fighting. And Ash gained a great deal of respect from Hope. 

"I'll be cheering for you in the final. I would say I'm your #1 fan but I think this guy takes that title." Hope tickled Sam and then gave her fellow keeper a hug. "I hate that we lost. But I'm proud of you. Keep it up, Harris!" 

Hope gave Ali a hug and then left the family to continue their G-rated celebrations.

"Mama, you did good." Sam played with the fingers on Ashlyn's right hand. She didn't know what to say. She felt exhausted and full of energy all at the same time. She was ready to go home and see the rest of her family.

"Oh hey." Ali suddenly remembered something. "I promised Jake he could come to the final if we made it."

Ash finally found the words to say. 

"I guess we're all going to the Ship!"


	77. A Helping Hand (Part One)

Ashlyn parked her Jeep and approached the students in front of her son's school. Sam saw her right away and started running towards her. He stopped suddenly as if he remembered something important and ran in the opposite direction. Ashlyn got a kick out of her free spirited son.

Samuel came back holding the hand of another little boy from his class. "Mama, this my friend. His name's Joey."

Ashlyn knelt down and stuck her hand out for the boy to shake. "Hi Joey, nice to meet you. Sam says you two are best buds."

Joey smiled shyly. He didn't seem like one who talked a lot. Sam didn't mind. He was talkative enough for the both of them.

A pretty woman about Ashlyn's age approached them and introduced herself. "Hi, I'm Annie. I'm Joey's Mom."

Ashlyn smiled and stood up to shake her hand. "Nice to meet you. My name is Ashlyn. Sam says Joey and him get along really well."

"Yes, Joey has told me the same thing." Annie said. The woman seemed nice. She was pretty but not in a flashy way. It didn't look like she wanted attention based on how she dressed and even spoke. She had a quiet demeanor. Ashlyn wondered if she was shy like her son, Joey. 

"Maybe sometime we should get the kids together. I know Sam would really like that." Ash said.

"Maybe." Annie smiled but didn't give a definitive answer.

"You know where to find us. We'll be here all year. We can talk later. Have a great day." Ashlyn wasn't sure if Annie liked the idea or not so she dropped it and they went their separate ways.

"Bye, Joey!" Sam gave his little friend a hug and then pulled on Ashlyn's hand wanting her to pick him up. Ash thought the whole exchange between the two was beyond sweet. She really loved her little 'Love Bug.'

...

"You should've seen them. It was the cutest thing." Ashlyn took a bite of her wife's apple and Ali snatched it back.

"You always take too big of a bite!" Ali complained.

"Sorry. Anyway.." Ash continued to talk with her mouth full of apple chunks "Bam gave Joey a hug before he left. His little arms looked so cute around Joey's little body."

"Aw." Ali put her hand over her heart. "Don't you wish kids stayed like that as they got older? No bullying, just hugs."

"Yeah, that would make me worry a lot less about our kids when they go off to school."

"Have you ever thought about that? I mean, what happens to kids between the 'hugging good-bye' phase and the 'I hate you if you're different' phase?"

"Yeah, I guess you're right. Is it a family thing, you think? Like will our sweet Sam not turn into a jerk if we raise him right, or does it even matter?" Ash couldn't imagine Sam being anything but sweet and kind, but isn't that how most kids start.

"I think it matters." Ali said.

"Like do you think serial killers start out super cute and sweet?" Ash was sorta getting philosophical.

"I don't know. But what I do know is that over our children's lifetimes we will have the biggest influence on their lives. Hopefully they will know they are loved and perfect just the way they are."

"Yeah, but they're probably gonna go through that phase where they think they know everything and we're just on earth to make them miserable and to embarrass them." Ashlyn sighed.

"But then they'll come back when they get a little older and tell us how now that they're older and wiser that we didn't do half bad." Ali put her hands loosely on her wife's hips and stepped in close to her. "They'll thank us for loving them even when it was hard and for always being there for them no matter what."

Ashlyn pictured the future her wife had described and a smile snuck it's way to her face. "Hmm that doesn't sound too bad."

"Not at all." Ali kissed her wife's jaw and hid her face in her chest. Ashlyn embraced her and kissed her on the temple. She took a deep breath in Ai's hair and felt a peace fill her bones. To her home smelled like Ali. 

Ali patted her wife's sides to pull her out of the moment and asked her about Sam's new friend. "What do you think about having Joey and his mom over sometime?"

"Sounds good to me, but I don't know if his mom will go for it. She seemed really shy. Actually they both seemed shy." Ashlyn said. 

"Well, maybe they were intimidated by how hot you are." Ali joked.

"You're ridiculous." Ash gave her wife a kiss and recommended that they move their discussion to the bedroom.

Ali was all for it but warned her they had to be quick because Sam would probably wake up from his nap soon.

They weren't quick. But Sam managed to entertain himself long enough in his room with his dog for the women to get things done properly.  
...

The next day Ash kept an eye out for Joey and his mother. When she dropped Sam off neither of them were there. She figured they must've been late and didn't think much of it. She looked for them when she picked him up but again they were nowhere to be found. When she asked Sam about his friend he said Joey was absent from school.

It took almost a week for Ashlyn to see Joey. She saw him when she dropped Sam off and asked if he was sick the previous week. He said his mother was the one who wasn't feeling well. Ashlyn looked around the room but Annie must've already left because she was no where to be found.

After saying good-bye to Sam, who was handling the separation much better than when he first started school, she headed outside to her Jeep. As she was crossing the parking lot someone ran into her.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't see you there." It was the man from Sam's first day of school. Ash and Ali had gotten into a minor disagreement about the guy and his intentions. Ashlyn had purposely ran into him to show him that she wouldn't back down if he ever tried anything with her wife. She didn't think him running into her was an accident.

"Well, I'm here." She answered. She was still trying to decide if she should be suspicious of him or not.

"I see that. You know, you're a lively one aren't you?" He looked Ash up and down and licked his lips. Ash was disgusted. 

She decided she definitely shouldn't trust him.

"You have no idea." Ashlyn had a mini can of pepper spray on her key chain and she had it behind her back ready to go.

"How's that pretty wife of your's?" He was trying to get a response out of Ashlyn. She knew it too.

"She's great. Better than me, actually. I'm sure where ever she is and whatever she's doing she's having a more pleasant time."

The creepy man laughed. "You know, I'm a police officer and I have access to loads of public and private information. Take for example this vehicle of yours'." The man put a hand on her window and left a greasy print. "I could run your plates and find out exactly where you and that pretty wife of your's lives." 

"Are you threatening me?" She had her thumb on the spray bottle behind her back ready to go.

"No, of course not. That would be an invasion of privacy. I would never do that, and I would never allow anyone to do that to me either." He put his hand on her shoulder and gave it a squeeze. "Drive safely."

Ashlyn didn't know what to think. He was acting like he thought she might know more about him that she did. The guy gave her the creeps and confirmed her suspicions that he couldn't be trusted. If he couldn't be trusted with her or Ali, he definitely couldn't be trusted with Sam. She was going to make sure that man never had a chance to be anywhere alone with her son.

She spoke to Ali about the interaction and Ali agreed that something had to be done. They had discussed a plan that would involve Ali picking up Sam early from school and Ashlyn showing up at the usual pick up time to talk to the teacher and the principle.

At first they debated about whether they should say something. They second guessed themselves over and over, but it all came down to prioritizing safety for the children. 

They didn't report him as having broken any laws or anything like that, they had no idea what he was really like, but Ash did tell them that they should be watchful when he's around. She didn't trust him and as a parent she had every right to speak up and expect them to listen.

...

The next day when Ash picked up Sam she noticed he was talking with Joey and his mom, Annie, was there too.

"Hey, there." Ash greeted them. Sam got excited the moment he heard her voice.

"Mama!" Sam jumped up with his arms stretched out expecting Ashlyn to catch him. Ashlyn was used to the boy's excited greeting and was more than ready. She caught him in her arms and gave him a big hug. She held him on her hip and decided to try to talk to Annie again.

"Thanks for hanging out with this guy until I got here." Ash said.

"No problem. They just came outside a few minutes ago." Annie replied.

"Joey said your weren't feeling well. I hope everything's ok." 

"Yeah, I'm fine. No big deal." The woman seemed to have opened up but as soon as Ashlyn mentioned her being sick she put her head down and crossed her arms over her chest. She looked really uncomfortable about the conversation. 

Ashlyn noticed but continued talking like she didn't. "My wife and I would love to have Joey and you over for a play date some time."

"Your wife? You're the gay couple." The woman acted like she had heard about Ali and Ashlyn before. 

"Yeah. Is that ok?"

"Oh yes. Of course! I didn't mean for it to sound the way it must've sounded." Ashlyn could tell the woman was flustered. 

"It's no problem. I'm used to a lot worse. Trust me." Ash said trying to comfort the woman.

"I believe you. Some people can be cruel." The woman's eyes seemed to glaze over as if she was thinking of a particular person or moment in particular. "I'm just always saying stupid things. I get nervous and never know what will come out." The woman gave Ashlyn a small genuine smile.

"It's no problem. If you ever need to talk, my wife and I are excellent play dates too." They both shared a short laugh and then exchanged numbers to later set something up.

Sam was getting fidgety and was anxious to play with Monster. They had set up an after school routine that seemed to make Sam feel less anxious about his change of schedule since starting school. They would pick him up around noon and then let him have a snack. After the snack he played with Monster for a little while and then took a nap. 

They realized that the extra time he had to pay close attention and learn new things at school was wearing him out both physically and mentally which made him a bit emotional and cranky. Snack time + Monster time + Nap time = Happy well-balanced Sammy.

It made perfect sense to his parents. Who wouldn't want to eat, cuddle with a puppy, and sleep after a stressful day? They had found Sam's recipe for happiness.

Ashlyn and Sam said good-bye to their new friends and headed home. Ashlyn was extra vigilant when arriving and departing from Sam's school just in case the creepy guy was even more creepy than he led on.

...

Ali and Ash ended up having Joey and his mom over the next day after school. Annie had let them know that they wouldn't be able to stay long, but that she was thankful for the invitation. Ash played outside with the kids and Monster while Ali and Anne talked inside.

"I'm glad you were able to make it today." Ali said.

"Sorry we can't stay longer." Annie replied.

"It's no big deal. Sam usually takes a nap after a short playtime with our dog, so it's probably for the best anyway."

"This coffee is delicious." Annie held up the mug she was sipping from.

"Oh yeah, we don't mess around when it comes to coffee. If Ash doesn't have 2 cups in the morning we might as well avoid her for the rest of the day." Ali joked.

Annie got serious and said, "I know what you mean. If I don't have my husband's breakfast ready in the morning he can be..." She caught herself before she said another word. "I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry about. I get it. Sometimes marriage is hard."

"You have no idea." Again Annie regretted letting her mouth say exactly what was on her mind. She wondered if Ali could be trusted with her secrets.

Ashlyn came inside as Ali was trying to think of a response. She was glad to see her wife. Ashlyn didn't even think about the peck on the lips she gave Ali on her way to the kitchen for some drinks for the kids.

"She seems to really love you." Annie said after Ashlyn went back to the kids outside.

"Yeah she's ok, I guess." Ali joked. She knew Ashlyn was the best. 

"She seems really sweet and kind. Your son is the same. That's one reason I like Joey hanging out with him. He doesn't get a lot of that sort of thing at home." Annie wanted to have someone she could finally talk to. She decided to let Ali be her friend.

"I'm sorry to hear that. Everyone deserves kindness." Ali thought back about her family's quest to be kind to others. She was pleased to hear her 4 year old had gotten the message and had a chance to make an impact on a boy who obviously needed it. It's amazing how big a difference the smallest act of kindness can make.

"My husband..." Annie paused. "He sometimes loses his temper. His job is really stressful. He works at a bank. Poor Joey is scared to death of him."

Ali hated to hear of any child who had to live in fear. Her wife told her stories about her tough childhood growing up and Ali imagined little Joey suffering the same way. Her heart also broke for the woman in front of her.

"If you ever need to get away or someone to talk to, you know where to find us." Ali didn't really think about it, she just offered this woman a safe place for her and her son. She didn't know how huge of an offer she just made.

"Thanks, I appreciate that." 

Both women were interrupted by Ashlyn carrying the two boys, one in each arm, inside to join them. Sam had his head down on Ash's shoulder and Joey copied his position on Ashlyn's other shoulder. Ali made Ashlyn pose for a quick picture with the boys because the cuteness level was on overdrive.

"I think our two little superheroes are all tuckered out." Ash said.

"It is about nap time for Sammy." Ali said. Sam did not like that one bit.

"No, Mommy! I'm not tired." His mouth said he wasn't tired but the rest of his body disagreed.

"Baby, you need your rest so you can keep getting big and strong." Ali used two fingers to stroke his sweaty hair. He and Joey had worked up a sweat in the heat of the day.

Annie took Joey from Ashlyn and thanked her for keeping a close eye on her son. She left with him, promising to visit again soon. 

Ali and Ash both went through Sam's nap routine with him. He had loyal Monster by his side as they read him a story and gave him milk and a few cookies. The boy fell asleep quickly and allowed for the women to have a little time to themselves before Lex's school bus dropped her off.

"Are you ok?" Ash asked her wife. The two had gone to the living room to watch tv while they waited for their daughter to get home.

"Hmm? What?" Ali asked. She was zoning out. Her mind was somewhere else.

"You just seem a little sad. I hate it when you're sad." Ash said and put an arm around her wife. She pulled her into her side and let Ali rest her head on her shoulder.

"Annie just said some stuff that made me think their family isn't very happy." Ali said sadly.

"Yeah, I kinda picked up on that too. I overheard Joey ask Sam about his dad and when Bam told him he didn't have a dad, Joey actually said he was glad for him."

"Why would he say that?"

"Well, I mean they're four so I tried to put it all together but I don't think Joey's dad is a very nice man. He almost seemed afraid of him."

"That's terrible." Ali reached across Ashlyn's waist with her arm and laid her head on her chest. She needed more comforting contact with her wife. Ashlyn rubbed her back and kissed the top of her head. 

Ali's words were a little muffled by Ashlyn's shirt but she said, "I may have offered our place to them if they ever need it. It just kinda came out."

"It's ok. I'm glad to help them, if they need it." Ashlyn reassured her wife.

Ali lifted her head and pressed her lips against her wife's mouth. The two shared and intimate moment before going back to their conversation. "And that's why I love you so much."

Later that night Ali remembered the picture she took of Ashlyn and the boys and texted it to Annie. She was glad that her and her wife had decided to help their new friends in any way that they could. 

She had no idea what they were getting themselves into.


	78. A Helping Hand (Part Two)

Joe Sr. heard his wife's phone alert that she received a message. He pulled out the phone from her purse and opened the text message from a number he didn't recognize. 

What he saw made him go ballistic.

...

Ali woke up to Monster barking like crazy. Sam was trying to get him to come back to his room but the dog wouldn't budge from the front door.  
He stood behind him yelling. "Monster, stop! Bad dog! You go to time-out!"

Ali called to her son from the top of the stairs and told him to come upstairs immediately. Once he got upstairs Ali took him into her bedroom and woke up her wife.

"Baby, wake up! I think someone's here!" Ali shook her wife trying to get her to wake up faster than she usually does. Luckily the mixture of her wife's panic stricken voice and their dog barking caused her adrenalin to kick in and she woke up immediately.

"What's wrong?" Ash asked. 

Sam sensed that Ali was worried and it scared him. He was told that his dog Monster would protect him from monsters and now he heard his dog going crazy. Sam was sure there was a big hairy goblin outside trying to eat him. Samuel grabbed Ali's neck  
and wouldn't let go.

"Samuel, it's ok." Ali tried to calm her little one, but it was no use since she was just as nervous as he was.

"You two stay here, I'll check on it." Ashlyn left them to wait for her. The other two kids woke up with all of the commotion and joined Ali and Sam to wait on Ashlyn.

Ali sat in the middle of her and Ashlyn's bed with her two smallest children held close. Jacob was on high alert and stood watch at the bedroom door. 

Ashlyn somehow got Monster to stop barking. A few moments later the dog ran to Sam's side wagging his tail and licking the boy's face. Sam assumed that the goblin must have went home because Monster seemed happy and calm.

Ashlyn returned to their bedroom a few minutes after the dog and asked for Ali to talk to her in the hall. Ash assured everyone that everything was fine and that she would explain everything soon.

Ali closed the door behind her and searched her wife's face for answers. 

"Annie and Joey are here. I had them settle into the guest room." Ashlyn took her wife's hand knowing that she would go back to panic mode. "Her husband is abusive. She said that she needed a safe place for her son to stay. She wanted to drop him off and I don't know what she was planning to do after that but..." 

Ashlyn's strength cracked for a moment and Ali saw her wife's bottom lip quiver. She placed her hand on the side of her face and used her thumb to cover Ashlyn's lips.

"It's ok. We will all try to get some sleep and then sort it all out in the morning. I'll go talk to her, ok? You take care of the kids." It was Ali's turn to be strong. This was a situation that hit too close to home for Ashlyn. She needed to take a breather.

...

Ashlyn had to explain to her children something that no child should ever have to experience. She was thankful for the life and family that Ali and her had built but she hated that she couldn't shelter her kids from the evil in the world. She wanted them to be safe and that meant that they have to know the truth about the world. She didn't know how much to share, but she knew she had to say something.

When Ali left to check on their guests, Ashlyn had the children gather around her on the bed. Sam snuggled into Ashlyn's side and held Monster in his lap. Lex was freaked out. Ashlyn pulled her into her own lap and told Jacob to sit next to her. She wanted her children as close to her as possible.

"Monster was barking because there was someone at our door." Ashlyn said.

"Who would come this late at night?" Jacob asked. It was 2am.

"Sam's friend Joey and his mom." Ash answered.

"Joey's here?" Sam got excited. He wanted to see his friend. He started to get up so he could go play with him.

"Hold on a minute, Bam." Ash pulled him back into her and kept her arm firmly around his waist.

"Why are they here?" Jacob could tell the situation was serious. He was worried about his own family's safety. He had seen too many things in his lifetime not to be able to put some of the pieces together.

"Well..." Ashlyn paused for a moment and took a breath to collect herself. "...Joey's dad isn't a very nice man. He hurt Joey's mom, and they came here to get away."

Lexi looked up at Ashlyn and asked, "Can we help her, Mama?" To hear her most anxious child want to help someone in a highly stressful situation reminded Ashlyn that light still exists even in a dark time.

"We are going to help both of them, Princess. I'm proud of you for wanting to help them." Ashlyn gave Lex a kiss on the cheek and held her even closer.

"Mama, Joey hurt?" Sam was trying to figure things out. Ashlyn was thankful that violence was a foreign thing to the boy. 

"He's ok. His Mom protected him." She took the back of his head in her hand and pulled it close to kiss.

Sam smiled. He was happy that his friend was ok.

"Mama." Jake wanted to say more but he stopped himself.

Ashlyn knew exactly what he was thinking. "We're all safe here."

She reassured him that the man who hurt his wife didn't know where they lived. Their safety wasn't threatened by helping this woman and child.

"How about if we all sleep in here tonight?" The younger children cheered at the suggestion for an impromptu slumber party. Jacob was glad to have everyone in the same place. He felt like he could protect them more easily.

Ash brought over Ali's laptop and instructed them to pick out a movie. She suggested to Sam that he say goodnight to his friend Joey. She could imagine what that child was going through. It broke her heart to think about.

...

After Ashlyn told Ali about their new guests Ali headed downstairs to check on them. She knocked gently on the guest room door and waited for Annie to open it. She had a very scared child in her arms. 

"Hi." Ali said sympathetically. She put a hand on the boy's head and gave her focus back to his mother. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah, it's nothing new for me." Annie said. Ali knew she didn't want to get too detailed about things because she didn't want her son to overhear. "I'm sorry about coming over like this. It's been so long since I've had any friends. Maybe I shouldn't have come."

"It's ok. We're glad you're here. Trust me. We would rather you be here than somewhere...else." Ali was trying to be careful with her words around the boy.

Ali switched into hostess mode to try and keep everyone calm. "So, I'm assuming my wife just showed you the room and left."

"Well, yeah basically."

Ali laughed. If there's anything she can count on it's her wife forgetting about the little details.

"Let me give you a quick tour." She showed her the bathroom. "The kids have their own bathroom upstairs so you won't have to worry about privacy. The only time they use this one is if Sam plays scientist and makes a huge mess in theirs." The mention of Sam's creative ways got a smile out of both house guests.

She showed them a closet in the hallway and said, "Here are towels, blankets, sheets...really anything you might need for your room. We can get Joey some of Sam's clothes if he needs them." Annie was so appreciative. She forgot a lot of things trying to sneak out of her house in the late hours of the night.

"You know where the kitchen is." Ali turned to her with a somewhat stern face. "Now, you make yourself at home. Eat whatever you want. Cook whatever you want. We want you to feel at home. Don't be shy." 

Ali gave her a hug and they both saw Ashlyn carrying Sam down the stairs to meet them. Ali gave her wife a questioning look. She would've thought Ashlyn would keep their son away from this situation until morning. She didn't want Sam to have nightmares or to worry about anything.

Ashlyn could tell Ali wasn't impressed with her decision to bring Sam along to check on the guests, so she quickly explained. "Sam thought Joey could use this." Sam had a Superman blanket in his arms.

Something that might seem insignificant like what blanket a child uses, can actually make a big difference to that child. Ali wordlessly thanked her wife. Ashlyn knew what Ali was thinking. They both gave each other a small smile.

As soon as Joey saw Sam he perked up. Sam reached out from Ashlyn's arms and Joey did the same. The two boys shared a quick hug as they greeted one another. The adults marveled at this small act of kindness. How does a four year old know just what is needed at a time like this?

"I think these two might like to raid Sam's room for a toy that Joey can borrow tonight." Ashlyn wanted to have an adult conversation with the other women.

After the women put the boys down, Sam grabbed Joey's hand and led him upstairs to his bedroom. They ended up getting sidetracked by the sound of Curious George playing in Sam's parents' room. They joined Jake and Lexi and climbed onto Ali and Ashlyn's bed.

While the boys got more acquainted with their favorite monkey, Ashlyn decided to get serious. 

"Where did he hurt you?" Ashlyn got right down to business.

Ali was mortified. "Ashlyn!" She was afraid her wife was being insensitive and rude.

"Alex, she may need medical attention." Ash said. Ali understood that her wife was right. They can't dance around what happened, if they want to truly help.

Annie lifted up her shirt and revealed some old and new bruises on her ribs and stomach.

Ali gasped. She couldn't understand how anyone could hurt another person. 

"You need to go to the hospital. You could have broken ribs or internal bleeding." Ali said.

"I can't go. He'll find me if I go to the hospital." Annie was terrified that her husband would look everywhere for her and their son. A hospital would be one of the first places he would check.

"You need medical attention." Ashlyn wasn't going to let Annie's husband control her with fear anymore. "We'll take you to our team trainer in the morning and he'll work out the details. We have access to private medical care so I think you should be fine." 

Ali thought Ashlyn was a genius. She looked at her with awe. "That's brilliant!" 

"It's not brilliant. It's lucky. We have the perfect situation to help her but only for a few more days before we travel to Kansas City for the final. We can take her to practice in the morning and we'll figure it out from there." Ash said.

"What about the boys?" Ali knew that school would be another place where Annie's husband would look for Joey. 

"Well, first things first, we need to get her checked out and then get a restraining order." Ashlyn wasn't gonna mess around. This guy deserved to pay.

"I can't press charges." Annie said. "He owns everything. I have nothing. He controls every detail of our lives. If I go to the police we'll lose everything."

"Annie, we'll figure all this out together. If you pretend like nothing happened and let him do whatever he wants, you and Joey will always be living in fear. That's not an acceptable solution for me." Ash had absolutely no sympathy for an abusive and manipulative person. It was time for Joe Sr. to lose control over his wife and son and to be held responsible for the pain he has caused.

"It's not that simple. He's a security guard at a bank. He has cop friends. They'll take his side." Annie was shaking.

"Is that what he told you? He's manipulating you. You don't have to settle for that. Your life isn't over!" Ashlyn was getting passionate and coming on a little too strong. 

"Ash, why don't we let her sleep on it. We can talk about this in the morning. But I think we should keep the kids out of school for the day. I can have my dad watch them, if that's ok with you, Annie." She knew that her and Ashlyn were very particular about who they let watch their kids so she wanted to make sure Annie would be comfortable with her idea. She didn't want to force anything on her. It was time for Annie to find her voice.

"Yes, of course." Annie answered.

"We're not going to force you to do anything. We just want you and Joey to be safe." Ali put a hand on her shoulder and offered her a sincere smile.

"Thank you. That's all I want too."

...

The next morning was a late morning. The whole family plus their two guests slept in longer than they had intended. At first Ali thought she would only keep Sam home and send Jake and Lex to school, but the entire family was up late and had little sleep so she changed her mind when she heard the alarm at 5:40am. She discussed the decision with Ashlyn who grunted a response. Ali assumed she was on board with the idea.

The Spirit had an afternoon practice so they weren't worried about missing anything team related, but they didn't want to delay medical help for Annie any longer.

They decided that Ali would stay with the kids and have a big breakfast while Ash took Annie to their training facility to see what could be done to help their friend.

Ali pulled her wife aside with a few departing words, "Sweetheart, I need you to respect her decisions. Whatever she may decide. She's been bullied long enough. I know you have good intentions but you have to be gentle. We can't force her to do something, even if it's the right thing for her to do. So please....be nice." 

Ashlyn was completely caught off guard. "I know all that. Why would you even say that?"

"It's just that last night you came on a little strong and I think you made her uncomfortable." Ali could see the hurt in her wife's face. "I know you want to punish this guy. Just remember we need to protect Annie and Joey first."

"Ok." 

Ali felt bad. Ash was offended that Ali didn't trust her handling of things. "Sweetheart, I know you'll do a great job. I just wanted to remind you to remember who the enemy is."

"Like in the hunger games." Ash smirked.

"I can't believe at a time like this you would reference a movie. And it's Catching Fire, by the way. Anyway, I love you. I'll see you soon." Ali gave her wife a loving kiss and could tell things were fine between them.

"Book." Ash interrupted their kiss.

"What?"

"Catching Fire was a book first. The movies are good but they don't compare to the books so..."

"You're such a nerd!" Ali couldn't hold back a hearty chuckle. Her wife was too much.

...

Ashlyn and Annie loaded up in the Jeep. Annie had something on her mind but she was afraid to say it. Between Ash and Ali, Ashlyn had a more intimidating look to Annie. She knew she couldn't keep the truth from the family that was helping save her and her son. But she was afraid they wouldn't want anything to do with her if she was completely honest.

Ashlyn could tell that Annie was tense. She remembered her wife's words and thought maybe she had been too rough with her and caused her to be nervous or scared around her. She never intended or wanted that to happen.

"Annie, are you ok? I'm sorry if you've felt like I've pushed you too hard. I just want to help. We can go at your pace. Whatever makes you comfortable."

Annie felt ashamed that she hadn't said anything sooner. She knew she had to speak up. It was now or never.

"I don't want you to hate me." She hated herself. 

Ashlyn reached over to grabbed Annie's hand and tried to encourage her. "There's no reason for me to hate you. You're doing the best you can't to take care of Joey."

"It's not that. I just...I'm worried that once you know the truth, you'll think you've made a big mistake by helping me." Annie's voice was shaking.

"What's the truth? What are you talking about?" Ashlyn let go of Annie's hand. She didn't know what to expect. 

Would she realize it's all been a big mistake?


	79. A Helping Hand (Part Three)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Most of this chapter is told from an abusive person's perspective. Therefore, the thoughts he has towards others and his outlook are mostly negative and outright wrong. He might be able to rationalize his behavior but there's never an excuse for abuse.

Joe Sr. woke up late with an awful headache. He had too much to drink the night before and vaguely remembered getting into a fight with his wife. She was always good at upsetting him. He thought she would've learned by now how to properly conduct herself. But she wasn't smart enough to figure it out. He was exhausted by her stupidity.

She usually would be back home by now after dropping off their son. Joe Sr. preferred to let her handle things that involved the boy. He viewed little Joey as just another mouth to feed. 

He didn't allow his wife to work, since he didn't trust her to behave if she had her own money. He figured no one would want to hire her anyway. She wasn't worth much to begin with. 

As he hurried to put on his uniform and straighten his badge, he began to put together some of the details of last night. He finished at work, stopped for a few drinks at the bar, and then found his dinner sitting on the table cold. Their son was asleep already and his wife was in the shower. He heard his wife's phone beep and dug it out of her purse.

He opened the new message she had received and saw his son in the arms of the woman he had met at Joey's school. Only the background wasn't the school but an unfamiliar looking house. 

His wife had snuck out during the day without his permission. And she did it with a woman that the man had strictly forbid her to talk to. He figured the tattooed woman must have been the one who sent the picture to his wife.

He told Annie that if she ever tried anything like that again, he would kill her and make sure her new friend regretted ever meeting her. 

The man didn't want his wife to have any friends. She talked too much and revealed private things that were nobody's business. As far as he was concerned she was his property.

After finding the picture on Annie's phone he met her in their room when she was changing for bed and made her regret her decision to spend time with the blonde woman from their son's school.

...

On his way to work he cursed his wife. Why did she always make him so angry and cause him to do the things he does? All he wants is a wife that respects him and does what is right in his eyes. He was angry that she made him hurt her again.

She wasn't at their house when he left for work. He figured she took their son to school. They would take turns doing this chore. There were some days when he didn't want anyone asking too many questions about a bruise or mark on his wife. Those were the days he dropped off and picked up his son from school.

At work he was reprimanded for arriving late. His boss was an idiot and he needed someone to show him his proper place in the world. Joe would've done it himself but he had been fired from his last several jobs and didn't want to risk losing another job.

He walked around the building with an angry glare. The only time he would share a smile with someone was when a police officer came into the bank. He pictured himself to be like them. He wanted the authority and power that they had. He figured he could do a lot of good in this world if he was in charge of getting rid of all the waste of oxygen traveling around in human form. He longed to carry a gun and wear a real badge. 

But he was stuck playing make-believe with a bunch of morons. 

There was a woman there, who was always so cheerful. He wanted to beat her face in. Then maybe she would stop smiling. This thought brought a smirk to his face.

There was an old man who had been working at the bank probably longer than Joe had been alive. He was waiting for the ancient guy to die. What was the point of him even being there? He moved slow and smelled funny. Joe found him disgusting.

Most people didn't deserve to live, in his opinion. They were either too stupid, weak, or useless to have his respect. 

The thing that angered him the most was people being disrespectful to him. People needed to know their place. If they didn't behave appropriately then he would make sure to remedy that. 

This was always the problem with his wife. Annie never truly learned her proper place. She didn't understand that she needed to respect him and obey him. He was the best she would ever be able to get. If anything, he lowered himself to be with her. She needed to be more appreciative. She would have nothing without him.

He remembered the time he put a man in the hospital because she dressed too provocatively and the man tried to hit on her. Both the stranger and his wife learned a lesson that day. Annie never dressed that way again. 

One time he ran over a cat on accident and his wife cried the rest of the way home. Joe Sr. laughed at her. She was so pathetic. Who cares about a cat? Ever since then he would try to hit animals on purpose to remind his wife of how weak she was and how much power he had.

...

He hated his job and would sometimes surprise his wife and arrive home during his lunch break. This helped him keep tabs on her and make sure she could be caught at anytime if she tried to do something he didn't like. He knew she was always scheming against him. 

He kept track of her money, gas usage and mileage on her car. He checked her messages and searched her purse. He timed her when she went out to go grocery shopping or hang out with her family. He later put an end to her visiting family at all. They were starting to put ideas in her head that he didn't think were productive.

She began to challenge his controlling and what she called "manipulative" ways and he quickly silenced her by threatening their son, her life, and by telling her that he had a lot of friends that were police officers that he had met through his job at the bank. He warned her not to try anything because his police friends would side with him and make her life hell. This was a lie, but she was too stupid to figure it out. He had convinced her that she had no hope. No chance. And no worth.

That night when he returned home from work his house was empty. There was no food on the table and no sign of his family. 

He tore the place apart looking for any kind of a clue to where the woman and boy were. A flash of blonde and tattoos sparked in his mind. He put his fist through a wall and vowed to punish the woman who had poisoned his wife against him.

...

Ashlyn asked Annie once again, "What is the truth? What are you afraid to tell me?"

Annie put her head in her hands and began to cry. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

Ashlyn pulled over to a nearby parking lot and turned the car off. She put a hand on her passenger's back and said, "Annie, what is it?"

She looked up and met Ashlyn's concerned gaze. Her own eyes filled with tears and fear. "He saw your picture. The one with you and Sam and Joey. He said he would kill you if I ever saw you again." She broke down into heavy and painful sobs.

Ashlyn pulled away from her and needed a moment to digest what the woman had just told her. She didn't know her husband. She didn't know if the threat was something she should worry about. All she knew was that a desperate woman sitting next to her had finally made a decision to stand up to her abuser. 

She wasn't about to give the man any more power over her new friend.

"We'll figure it all out, Annie. He's the one who should feel bad about his actions, not you. But I hope you agree now, that we need to go to the police. If you give in to him in fear now, you will never be free from him." 

Ashlyn wasn't scared for herself. But she was scared for her wife and children. She wasn't going to let an abusive and manipulative man take away her family's sense of security. She wouldn't let anyone hurt those closest to her. This man would pay for his actions. 

Ashlyn would make sure of it.

...

Joe Sr. sat home alone with a broken hand and heart filled with hate. He spent the night planning his next move to bring his family home.


	80. A Helping Hand (Part Four)

Ali brought all four kids to practice and met her dad there. She introduced Ken to Annie and Joey and arranged for Ken to take the children to go bowling while they waited for practice to end. Annie had to get a few x-rays and afterward Ashlyn was going to go with her to the police department to press charges against her husband. 

After Ken left with the kids, Annie left with a trainer to get the necessary tests done. Ali had spent all morning taking care of the kids. Once they were gone she shifted her focus on her wife. Ashlyn was facing a lot of things that she had to deal with in her own past. She was being a pillar of strength for Annie and Joey, but Ali knew that it couldn't be easy for her to re-live some of the things she worked so hard to overcome.

Ali jogged slowly up and down the sideline next to her wife. They were warming up for practice and getting their blood flowing. Ali thought this would be a good time for her to talk to her wife. Ashlyn despised running. The conversation would distract her from her hatred for jogging.

"Baby, how are you doing with all of this?" Ali asked. 

"What do you mean?" Ashlyn wanted to make sure she didn't worry her wife. Especially after what Annie had told her on the way there. She knew Ali was very protective. She didn't want Ali to feel anything but safe.

"I mean all of this is sorta close to home for you. I thought maybe it brought some old things up." 

Ashlyn really loved her wife. She should have known she would be thinking about her at a time like this. "Babe, I'm fine. I just want to help Annie and Joey. I hate abuse of any kind."

"What did the trainer say about her injuries?"

"He said he doesn't think she has any internal injuries."

"Thank God!" Ali was relieved. A serious injury would only complicate things more for the woman and her son.

A whistle blew through the air. It was time to start drills. They stopped jogging and Ashlyn ended their conversation with a smile and quick tap on Ali's butt. 

...

"Grandpa Ken!" Joey shouted excitedly. "Look at my pins." The little boy felt like part of the family. Ali's Dad loved every child he ever met and knew how to make them feel special. Joey had never known anyone like him. 

"Wow! Great job, Joey!" Ken gave the boy a high-five and Sam joined in on the fun.

"Good job, Joey!" Sam gave his friend a pat on the back. "Look at this." Sam showed his little buddy his brand new bowling dance. It involved sliding on the slippery lane. Grandpa Ken about had a heart attack.

"Samuel!" He ran towards him and jumped on the side bumper of the lane and took a few steps. He picked up his grandson who had slid at least 10 feet down the lane. "You gotta stay on this side of the line, Bam." Once Sam was safe and out of trouble, Ali's Dad couldn't help but laugh. His youngest grandson always made life interesting.

"Grandpa." Princess Lexi had walked up behind her grandfather and put her hand in his. "Can we get pizza?" Grandpa Ken didn't know it but his oldest grandson had coaxed his only granddaughter to ask for the pizza. Lexi and her big blue eyes could never be denied by their Grandpa.

"Sure, princess. Why don't you go with your big brother and order what you want." He pulled out his wallet and handed the girl some money to cover it. Jake kept an eye on the whole exchange and jumped up ready to help out with the important pizza-getting endeavor.

...

Annie made it back to practice before the players were done. She waited on the sideline for her friends to finish up. Ali saw her and waited for a break in drills to jog over to her. 

"What did the doctor say?" Ali asked, a little out of breath. 

"I have a broken rib, but she said it was probably an old injury that never healed." Annie explained. Ali wondered how anyone could hurt such a wonderful woman.

"I'm so sorry. Are you in a lot of pain?"

"No, the doctor gave me a prescription for some medicine." She gave a small smile.

"I'm so glad you're ok." Ali gave her hand a squeeze. "We're just finishing up. I better get back."

"See ya soon."

After practice Annie filled Ashlyn in on what they had found out. They were all relieved and ready to take the next steps needed to help Annie and Joey move forward.

The next stop for Annie and Ashlyn was the police department. It was time to make Joe Sr. pay.

...

Ali, her dad, and the children were back at the Krieger-Harris house waiting for Ashlyn and Annie to come home. Ali was a nervous wreck. For some reason taking the step of reporting the crime made it seem more real to her. And she couldn't shake her feeling of worry for her wife. Even though Ashlyn told her that she was fine, her intuition told her otherwise.

The two women returned home and Ali sprung into action. She had told her Dad ahead of time to keep the kids entertained in the backyard while she caught up with the women. Ali went straight to her wife. 

"How'd every thing go?" 

Ashlyn saw the worry in her wife and put an arm around her and pulled her into her side. "You need to stop worrying so much, woman." 

"Everything went fine. We filed for a restraining order and they said that they could arrest him based on the evidence." Annie said.

"That's wonderful. I feel so much better!" Ali left Ashlyn's side and gave Annie a hug. Annie excused herself to go spend time with her son. He was now her whole world. Every dream, every fight, everything was for him.

Ali returned to her wife's arms and let her hold her. She felt a reassurance in Ashlyn's embrace that told her everything was going to be ok. 

"Are you ok?" Ashlyn whispered into Ali's ear.

"I am now." Ali looked up into her wife's eyes. "Now that it's over."

Ashlyn hesitated. She had learned a lot from being married to a chronic worrier. She had learned that even though it might seem right to hide things from Ali to protect her from worrying, if something was serious enough, complete honesty was required. In this case, Ashlyn knew she had to fill in some of the blanks for her wife.

"Babe, it's not anywhere near over. Sorry to break it to you. Annie has nothing. Right now, I just spent $198 on her pain meds. She has no money. Nowhere to live. Her husband will get arrested and maybe go to prison for anywhere from 6 months to 10 years. There's no way of knowing. He may even have a chance to get out early on good behavior and then what?" Ashlyn watched her wife's eyes go wide.

She continued. "He will have a restraining order, but a man like him probably won't obey it. Who knows what he might try before the police get to him? It's going to be a long time before things become normal for her. And she's going to need a lot of help."

"I guess I always pictured him going away forever, you know?" Ali reasoned.

"I wish that were the case." Ashlyn thought about what Annie had told her in her Jeep earlier that day. She thought for a split second to tell Ali, but she couldn't do it. She didn't know if her wife could take one more thing to worry about. Besides she had already decided she would take care of it herself.

...

The next morning the women decided to keep Sam and Joey home from school. They wanted to allow enough time for Joe Sr. to get arrested before they returned. They had to make sure he didn't have any more chances to hurt them again.

Ashlyn had left early that morning to run a quick errand, at least that's what she told Ali. She actually went to Sam's school to see if Joe Sr. would show up. She needed to make sure her friends and family were safe. 

She found a bench in the side yard of the school that gave her a good view of the parking lot. All she knew about the man was that he was abusive and a security guard. She didn't know what he looked like, but she knew he knew what she looked like because of the picture Ali sent Annie. She didn't know if her plan would work or even if she wanted it too, but she was there and she was ready to fight for her family.

She waited about 15 minutes and questioned her sanity. Then she noticed a familiar face. The man who told her he was a police officer was looking into the driver side window of her Jeep. He had a uniform on but it didn't look official. It looked like a cheap version of a cop uniform. All of a sudden everything clicked. 

The man who threatened her in the parking lot was Joe Sr.

She sprinted toward him. She had her keys in her hand and her thumb on the trigger of the pepper spray. She yelled out to him, "Get away from my car!"

The man was surprised, but she was exactly who he was looking for. "Where's my family?"

"How should I know? I don't even know who you are." Ashlyn figured ignorance would be the best argument.

"I saw you holding my son. I told you I'm a cop and that I could find where you live. Don't mess with me. You'll regret it!"

Ashlyn laughed at him. "You're not a cop. Maybe a mall cop with that uniform."

Ashlyn's disrespect enraged him. He slammed her into the side of her Jeep. The man didn't have a large build. His anger was the source of his strength. He wasn't used to a woman who fights back. Ashlyn kneed him in the groin and when he reflexively bent down from the pain she kneed him again in the face. 

The man stumbled towards Ashlyn and grabbed hold of her neck. He had her pinned against the Jeep but Ash could tell he was in pain and even weaker than when the fight started. Instead of pushing him away she grabbed the front of his shirt and held on tight. Once she had a good grip she dropped all of her weight to the ground causing the man to fall forward and hit his head on the glass of Ashlyn's front door. 

She threw his dead weight off of her and called 911.

And then she called Ali. 

The police found her sitting against the side of her car with her pepper spray in her hand ready to go. The wounded man was unconscious and his face was covered in blood. Ashlyn covered the worst wound with a torn off sleeve of her shirt. She didn't want to kill the man. She just wanted to keep her family safe.

Ali arrived to find Ashlyn sitting on the back bumper of an ambulance. Ashlyn had one hand behind her neck massaging her strained muscles. Ali ran to her. 

"Oh my God, Ashlyn! What were you thinking?" Ali was struggling between worry and anger. In her mind Ashlyn had needlessly risked her life.

"I just..." Ashlyn was cut off by Ali's lips.

"Just shut up!" Ali held her with a death grip. Ashlyn had basically been in shock since she fell to the ground and Joe Sr's body fell on top of her. Having her wife so close brought her back to reality.

A police officer approached them and took Ashlyn's statement. Ali couldn't believe what her wife had done. Ashlyn had always told her that she had trained in martial arts for the purpose of self-defense when she was younger. But she had never seen her in action. Ashlyn said everything that happened just happened. It was more like a reflex than planned out and strategic moves. 

After she gave her statement she asked if she could get checked out at the hospital. She didn't really need to go, she just wanted one more chance to encounter her attacker. Of course she didn't tell Ali that. 

After the doctor checked her out and gave her a clean bill of health she told Ali she needed to use the bathroom. She argued with her for a few moments but convinced her to get the car and pick her up at the front door of the hospital. She used the excuse of not wanting to wait any longer than needed to be home with her family. Ali took the bait and left her alone. 

Ashlyn asked the front desk for the room number she was looking for and quickly went on her way to find it. The man was sleeping and handcuffed to his bed. He had a bandage wrapped around his head and looked completely lost. It was as if his entire identity that he was trying to create had come crashing down.

Ashlyn approached his bed and flicked his forehead with her finger to wake him up. She had run out of mercy for the man long ago. The man woke up startled and scared. When he saw Ashlyn staring down at him from above he immediately tried to choke her but his hands moved only a few inches before meeting the full length the cuffs allowed.

Ashlyn bent down close to his ear and said, "You lied to me, Joe. You said you were a cop. You're just a weak pathetic man. I have news for you. Both my brother and father are detectives. If they even get a whiff of you trying to hurt me, my family, or Annie and Joey they will make sure you never see the light of day." 

Ashlyn figured he lied to her, so it was only fair for her to return the favor. Ashlyn had him figured out from the beginning. She remembered thinking that he thought a lot more highly of himself than he should have when they first met. 

"Do you understand?" Ashlyn stated firmly. She raised her head from his ear to make sure he could see that she wasn't messing around with him. She was serious about making sure his life ended in a cell. 

The man was obviously filled with fear. He shook his head, even though it hurt like crazy to do, and said, "Yes, I understand. You'll never see me again."

Ashlyn knew that behind the big tough character Joe Sr. had created was actually a scared and weak human being. He preyed on the weak and assumed that Ashlyn was weak too. 

He was dead wrong.


	81. A Helping Hand (Part Five)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter of this storyline. Annie and Joey will make an appearance in coming chapters.
> 
> Thanks for reading. I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Ali met Ashlyn at the entrance of the hospital. She could tell as soon as she saw her wife that she had been duped. Ashlyn didn't need to use the bathroom. She was up to something. 

"Hey there." Ali eyed her wife suspiciously. "What did you do?"

"What are you talking about?" Ashlyn said. Unfortunately for her, Ali could read her like a book.

"I can tell you did something. What did you do?" 

"Nothing!" Ashlyn tried to keep a straight face. She was a horrible liar when it came to Ali.

"Ashlyn Michelle, I'm not kidding! What did you do?" Ali was serious.

"Geeze, what is your problem?" Ash took a breath. Ali let her. She knew she was about to spill. "I may have visited Joe the jerk's room."

"You what?" Ali was already upset that Ashlyn put herself in a confrontational situation with him in the first place, and now she does it again.

"Relax. The dude is handcuffed to his bed."

"Ashlyn, I can't even look at you right now."

"Well, you're kinda looking now." Ash replied. She was totally looking. 

"You know what I mean!" Ali drove to a nearby parking lot and turned off the engine.

"What are you doing?" Ash asked. The sooner they got home the better for Ashlyn. Ali wouldn't want to make a scene in front of their guests.

"I can't drive when I'm this upset with you. We need to have a talk."

"Oh. Why didn't you say so? I can drive if you want." Ashlyn really didn't want to talk about her risky behavior.

Ali's response to Ashlyn's flippant treatment of her desire to talk brought on a look of death so lethal that Ashlyn felt chills surge through her body. 

"Or we can talk now." Ashlyn said carefully. She didn't want to wake the dragon within her wife.

"Let me get this straight, Ashlyn. You lied to me this morning..." 

Ashlyn cut her off before she could go further. "Technically I didn't lie. I mean, I guess it depends on what your definition of an errand is." Ashlyn was really pushing it with her wife. She underestimated Ali's level of anger. She was about to find out.

"How dare you?!" Ali slapped Ashlyn. Ashlyn shrunk back towards the passenger door and didn't try to hide the hurt on her face. Ali didn't waste any words on an apology. It was time for Ashlyn to come back to earth. "You lied to me, Ashlyn. And then you lied to me a second time at the hospital. At least the first time you could have claimed ignorance, but the second time you knew exactly how I felt about you confronting him." 

Ali could still see the red mark her hand left on Ashlyn's face. She saw a tear well up in one of Ashlyn's eyes. 

She continued. "You took matters into your own hands. It's the police who have the right to confront criminals. You went looking for a fight. Do you have any idea how stupid that is?"

Ashlyn refused to speak or even look at her wife. Ali had it all wrong, in her opinion. And how could she preach to her about not fighting when she had just struck her in the face.

Ali watched Ashlyn's jaw tighten and release over and over. She knew she had angered her. But she kept going.

"What would have happened if he would've hurt you? Or worse? How would me and the kids survive that, Ashlyn? You don't think. You can't be some superhero and clean the streets fighting for justice. It's not safe and it's not smart. What about the fact that you went out on your own and kept this from me? Excuse me, but I thought we were partners. I thought we were a team. But I guess that only applies when it's convenient for you!"

The sting of Ali's hand had finally left Ashlyn's face. She was ready to defend herself.

"Back off, Alex! You assume I'm some destructive idiot. I had to do what I did. He's dangerous. But he's also weak. I couldn't give him any opportunity to hurt you or our kids. I knew that if I showed him that he was in for a fight, he wouldn't bother our family."

"Ashlyn, he doesn't even know who we are. Your excuse doesn't make sense."

"He does know who we are. You sent Annie a picture of me holding Joey and Sam. He saw it. He recognized me from the school. He went to the school today looking for me. He was waiting for me at my Jeep. You don't know what you're talking about." Ashlyn corrected her wife.

"Because you hide things from me!" Ali yelled in frustration. "That's not ok, Ashlyn. You do this all the time. YOU pick out the things that I'm allowed to know about. I thought we learned our lesson from your head injury. How many more hospital beds do you need to occupy before you realize that you're not invincible?" 

Ali's words sunk in. Ashlyn was ready to throw in the towel. She took a deep breath and took her time to let it out. Ali could tell right away that the war was over. Their partnership was no longer in danger. "I can't believe you hit me." Ashlyn said as she put her hand up to the cheek her wife struck.

"I slapped you. And I can't believe I did it either." Ali said. Both women had a much calmer tone and quieter volume. "I'm sorry about that."

"It's ok." Ashlyn felt ashamed. Guilty. Stupid.

"Baby, I really am sorry. I'm so thankful you're ok. It just scares me to death when you do things like this." Ali began to caress Ashlyn's cheek. The same cheek she had slapped earlier. 

"Can we please go home?" Ashlyn sounded like a defeated child asking her mother's permission.

"As soon as you forgive me." Ali still had her hand on Ashlyn's face. 

"I forgive you...I'm sorry too."

"I know. I forgive you. And I love you. And now I'm going to kiss you." Ali said this and noticed her wife's lips turn up in a smile. 

"Ok." Ashlyn was glad to oblige.

The ride home was quiet, but the women held hands and let forgiveness lead the way.

...

When they arrived home Annie was eager to get the scoop. Ali had texted her pieces of information but she needed to hear the whole story. Ken was called to pick up Jacob from school. He stayed to help with the kids when he dropped him off. 

The children were playing soccer outside with Ali's dad, so the women had freedom to tell Annie the whole story.

"Ashlyn, I am so sorry that any of this happened. It's horrible!" Annie felt like she had brought her only two friends into her own nightmare. 

"We're just glad everyone is safe now." Ali said. She led her wife by the hand to the living room couch. She felt extra protective of her all of a sudden.

Annie followed them and sat in Ashlyn's favorite recliner to give the women some space.

"Can I ask you a question?" Ali asked Annie.

"Anything." Annie answered.

"Why did you marry him? You're way to good for someone like that."

"He wasn't always like that. He was kind and sweet. He rescued me from a situation of near poverty. He never laid a finger on me. But he was always shy and really hard on himself. I could tell that he didn't think much of himself. His dad raised him but would hit him over every little thing. His mom abandoned him. He grew up without anyone to love him." 

Annie looked really sad talking about the man she once loved. "It was gradual. It started with yelling. It seemed like I couldn't do anything right. And then he would slap me from time to time."

Ali closed her eyes and leaned into Ashlyn's shoulder. Now she really felt terrible.

Annie continued. "It progressed a little bit everyday. I watched the man I married disappear. I honestly don't know what made him snap. Someone probably said or did something that made him feel like it confirmed the way he already felt inside. He was broken and he never got what was broken fixed."

"It's like my Grandma always says, 'Hurt people hurt people.' It's those who are really in pain that try to bring others to feel the same hurt they're feeling. Or they go in the opposite direction and try to help others who are hurting."

"Your Grandma is a wise woman." Annie said. Annie knew that the root of Joe Sr.'s issues was that he was a broken man. She knew that in his life she never saw anyone, but her, care about him or encourage him. She knew that he could be anyone, absolutely anyone on the street who had suffered a great deal and had been left to try to figure out life on their own. 

Joe Sr. was 100% responsible for his actions, but she knew it never needed to happen this way. If only someone would have loved him. If only someone would have cared. She could only imagine what could have been if he was shown even a small amount of kindness from someone who saw good in him. 

What would he have been like if throughout his life someone said that he was capable of good and great things? But her husband was only told that he was worthless and a failure. What could've been would never be.

...

The women put their children to bed and discussed Annie and Joey's future plans. 

Annie would stay in their apartment, since Joe was gone they would be safe. Because her husband was no longer a threat, Annie was able to see her family now and they offered to help her with most of her financial needs until she could get on her own two feet. 

Joe Sr. would most certainly go to prison after his trial and since Ashlyn scared him to death about her fake family of detectives she knew he wouldn't mess with them anymore.

The three women decided that they were going to look into starting some kind of organization to help battered women and their children. The details had to be ironed out, but the dream was in place and they had plenty of passion to fuel it.

Ashlyn turned the light off on her nightstand and pulled her wife into her. She needed to rest in Ali's presence. The last few days had taken a lot of her peace away. Things in her past had been dug up, and even though Ashlyn had been able to push those things aside to deal with Joe Sr, she could no longer ignore them. She held onto Ali tightly and breathed in her scent. 

She needed her mind to remember that everything was ok, and that she had overcome the things that swallowed Joe Sr. up. 

She felt her wife shaking and noticed her shoulder was wet. Ali was crying.

"Babe, what is it? What's wrong?" Ash asked.

"I'm so sorry." Ali said between gasps. She cried harder the more she thought about what was troubling her.

"About what?"

"I hit you. Ashlyn, I hit you. I'm so ashamed." 

Ashlyn didn't think much of it after they had apologized to one another. "Don't worry about it. I deserved it."

"You mean like Annie deserved it?" Ali started crying harder. 

"You know what I mean. It's not the same thing." 

"Ash...it IS the same thing. No one ever deserves to be hit by someone who loves them. Love doesn't hit."

"Ok. Clean slate, though. It's over." Ashlyn tightened her embrace and let Ali cry until she was finished. Once she settled down she added.

"I can think of a few ways you can make it up to me..."


	82. Still Learning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. This chapter contains a prompt request.
> 
> 2\. I'm hoping that in these flashbacks the reader can see how far Ali and Ash have grown in their own lives as well as in their relationship. 
> 
> 3\. Warning for strong language.

FLASHBACK

When Ali and Ashlyn had first gotten married they were still working to find their groove as a married couple. They were both still young and in need of growing up. 

Ali felt that her commitment to Ashlyn shouldn't be questioned. She chose her for a reason and she never intended to be with another person.

Ashlyn still had her own issues to deal with. Issues like insecurity and a low opinion of herself. There was no one Ashlyn trusted more than Ali, but she felt like one day Ali would come to her senses and see Ashlyn for who she really was and would leave her. 

Ashlyn lived with a sense of anxiety about the status of her relationship with Ali.

Ali knew about Ashlyn's difficulties. She knew what she was getting into, but she was still growing up herself. She often ran out of patience for her new wife. She felt suffocated at times by Ashlyn's constant need for reassurance of her love. 

Ashlyn would pick up on Ali's annoyance and pull away, feeling like all of her fears were confirmed. Usually this would lead to a fight and then a day of not speaking to each other until one of them would apologize. 

Over the coming years as they matured and grew to understand themselves and each other better, this process changed, and it became easier for them to swallow their pride and forgive. But it took time. And the time it took was hard.

...

One night after they had been married for a few months, Ali and Ashlyn decided to go to a local bar to unwind. Practice that week had been tough and they were both over stressed and frustrated. Their team was currently on a losing streak and issues with the team and coaching staff were explosive.

Ashlyn spoke up about the things going on with the team behind closed doors. She called people out. She was tired of pretending. Half the team stood behind her. The other half blamed her for making things worse. Ali stood somewhere in between.

The two were already feeling a little raw with each other. They both had secretly hoped that a night out would break the ice that had been chilling between them.

Ali was dressed to kill. Black dress, heels, hair down and wavy, red lipstick and an attitude to match. Ashlyn was a bit more casual. She wore dark baggy jeans, a denim shirt, and a bow tie. Ashlyn didn't know it, but Ali didn't just want to look her best. She wanted to make her wife crazy.

Ashlyn excused herself to use the bathroom. She left her wife sitting at the bar finishing her third drink. When Ash returned she found that a man had taken her seat and was feeling up her wife. At least that's what she thought she saw.

Seconds before Ashlyn saw what she thought was a man trying to steal her wife, Ali dropped her napkin. When she bent down to pick it up she lost her balance due to her heals and feeling a little tipsy. The man had leaned over Ashlyn's seat to order another drink for him and his girlfriend. When Ali fell he was quick to catch her. This meant that his arm was around her waist and Ali's hand was on his shoulder. 

What Ashlyn saw was completely innocent, but without context it pierced a hole through her chest and broke her heart.

"What the hell are you doing? Get your hands off my wife!" Ashlyn pushed the man into the bar. 

"Calm down." The man tried to stay calm. He knew that if he saw what she did he too would be suspicious. 

"Ashlyn, stop." Ali grabbed her wife's arm and tried to pull her away. 

Ashlyn was furious. She pushed him again into the bar counter causing several peoples' drinks to spill. 

Ali felt embarrassed and angry.

"Ashlyn! He was just helping me up because I fell. Try acting like an adult for once in your life. Don't project your insecurities on everyone you meet." Ali berated her wife in front of the crowd around them who had given them their attention.

Ashlyn took a step back from the man she had pushed. She heard her wife loud and clear. She looked at the people gathered around them and then at Ali. She felt humiliated. She dug into her pocket and slammed the keys on the counter in front of Ali.

"Fuck you, Alex!" Ashlyn spat out through gritted teeth and tears threatening to spill from her eyes. She angrily walked out of the bar. She didn't know where she was headed but it didn't matter. The only place she needed to go was away from Ali.

Ali looked at the keys on the counter. She was stunned. It didn't register that her wife had just left her. She put her hand on top of the keys and looked up at the man that Ashlyn had suspected of hitting on her. 

"I'm so sorry about that." She apologized. "It's been a rough week for her....for both of us, actually."

"It's fine. I need to get back to my girlfriend. Good luck with...that." He nodded towards the door. His acknowledgement of the front door is what pulled Ali back to earth. Her wife just left her there.

Ali hurried to pay their tab and ran after her. She ended up having to take her shoes off because the heels slowed her down. She couldn't find her. It's as if her wife just disappeared.

Ali walked back to their car thinking that maybe she would be able to find her by driving up and down the nearby streets. The parking lot was dark and she noticed someone leaning up against the car parked next to theirs. 

Suddenly she felt scared for her safety. She wished Ashlyn was there. She always felt safe with Ashlyn. Ali walked up to her car slowly and carefully. She spread her keys out in between her fingers in case she needed to use her fist to defend herself. She took a deep breath as she approached the car from behind. She snuck a peek to the driver's side and let her breath out and relaxed. 

Her wife was sitting against the car next to theirs with her legs stretched out and resting on the front tire of their own car.

"What are you doing here? You scared me to death!" Ali scolded her wife.

"I'm the designated driver. I couldn't leave you here." Ashlyn was angry. But she could never be angry enough to put her wife in a dangerous situation. 

"Thanks." Ali whispered.

"Are you ready? Get in." Ashlyn was short with Ali. She didn't want to talk. She just wanted to make sure she got home safely.

When the two returned to their two-bedroom apartment Ashlyn walked Ali up the steps and to there door. She unlocked the door for her wife and said, "I'm going for a walk."

"What?" Ali thought they were home for the night and she wanted to talk about what happened.

"I'm leaving." 

"Ashlyn, we need to talk about this."

"I'm not going to waste my time talking about this while you're drunk." Ashlyn was angry. Ali had made her feel like everything she had told her up until then was a lie. Ali couldn't hide it any longer. Her disgust and disappointment finally made itself known.

"I'm not drunk." Ali wasn't wasted. She probably could've handled a serious conversation but the truth was that her wife couldn't. Ashlyn was too hurt and had too much hatred for herself to think rationally. 

"I would rather you would say you're drunk." Ashlyn slammed the door and left for the night.

Ali didn't understand what Ashlyn meant. Why would she prefer that she was drunk? 

Ali slept alone in their bed that night. Ashlyn slept alone in their car. She fell asleep to the tune of a her own self-loathing. 

Ali woke up reaching for Ashlyn. When her hand grazed across the cold empty space beside her everything about the night before came rushing back. Ali had a slight headache but it didn't hinder her memory one bit. 

She searched the small apartment frantically. She remembered what she had said to her wife and felt horrible. They were both raw with emotion before the night even began and a mixture if alcohol and jealousy ended up being more than they could handle.

Ali looked from the top of the stairwell outside and saw that their car was still parked in the same spot it was last night. She jogged to it and saw her wife sleeping in the back seat. 

"Ashlyn, why are you so stubborn?" Ali whispered to herself. She tried to open the door but it was locked. She first got annoyed by the fact that locked doors meant it would be harder for her to get to her wife, but then she realized it was much safer for Ashlyn during the night that way. 

She knocked loudly on the window of the back drivers side door. "Ashlyn, open up!" She yelled. Normally she would try to keep their business private but she needed to get to her wife.

Ashlyn barely moved. This was something Ali struggled with on a daily basis. Her wife can sleep through anything. 

After a frustrated few minutes, it occurred to Ali that they have two sets of car keys. She sprinted up to their apartment and returned with what she needed.

She carefully opened the door and lifted her wife's head just enough to slide underneath it. She sat there for the full 15 minutes it took for Ashlyn to wake up to the strokes of Ali's fingers on her arms and back.

When Ash realized that Ali was there with her she turned her head so that her face was against Ali's stomach. She felt so alone. Her anger had been replaced with a broken loneliness that she thought had gone away.

Ali knew that they still had a lot to talk about, but that neither of them needed to say anything at this moment. They simply needed each other's presence.

Ali finally broke the silence and suggested that they go inside. She could only imagine how uncomfortable last night was for Ashlyn. She still had time to get a couple hours of sleep in their bed.

Ali stayed by Ashlyn's side while she slept. Even though she was asleep, Ali just didn't feel right about leaving her. She massaged her neck, held her hand, kissed and stroked her head. She needed Ashlyn to know she was there and that she loved her just the way she was. 

When Ashlyn woke up she still didn't feel like talking, but she knew it was what Ali needed. She hoped one day it would be easier for her to open up. But she had decided that until that day came she would push through and try to let Ali in.

"Ash, I just want to say that I'm sorry for what I said. I was angry. I've been angry about a lot of things and it all came pouring out at you. At the time I said what I knew would hurt you. I'm so ashamed." Ali felt sick in the pit of her stomach. Her goal in life was to only do right by Ashlyn. She wanted to show her how amazing she was. Last night she only made things worse for her.

Ashlyn nodded. She bounced her leg up and down, trying to let some of her anxiety out. She wanted to put together words. But she couldn't quite get them out. 

Ali watched her chew on her lip and tear away pieces of her thumbnail. She saw her straighten up and take a breath, as if she was about to speak and then she'd bow her head in defeat.

Ali could see that she was frustrated with herself. "Ash, if I could do the talking for you, I would. Just relax. You can talk to me. You know that. You can trust me."

Ashlyn leaned back and stretched out her sore back. She stretched out her neck and then leaned forward towards her wife. Ali knew they were getting somewhere, so she continued to be patient.

Ashlyn cleared her throat. "I guess I thought you had gotten tired of me. Maybe you figured out you could do better."

"Why would you even say that?"

Ash shrugged her shoulders. "Because that's how I feel everyday."

"What do you mean that's how you feel everyday?" Ali leaned in towards her wife.

"I mean...Why are you even with me? Look at all this shit that I put you through." Ashlyn really hated having this conversation. All her insecurities were being dug up and laid out for Ali to see.

"Ashlyn, I have no idea what you are talking about. You're my life. Why can't you see that?"

"All I see is someone who doesn't deserve my mess." Ashlyn said. "I can see that I annoy you."

Ali was taken aback by this confession. Was she acting annoyed by her? Was Ali's behavior contributing to Ashlyn's low estimation of herself?

"Ash, I'm so sorry! I've just been emotionally drained. I never want you to feel like that!" Ali moved to sit next to Ashlyn and put an arm around her. Ash was still leaning forward so Ali was able to lean part of her front against Ashlyn's back. She put her head on Ashlyn's shoulder from behind. 

At Ali's touch any walls that were left came falling down. Ali heard her wife sniffling. She was crying.

"Ashlyn, I love you more than anything in this world. I need you to trust me. I need you to know that I'm not going anywhere. I don't want anything else but the future that I have with you."

"I know..." Ashlyn had more to add but held back.

"I need you to talk to me." Ali moved from the couch and got on her knees in front of Ashlyn. She took both of her wife's hands in her own and forced her to look at her. "Ashlyn, stop hiding from me."

"I'm sorry. I don't know what to say."

"Tell me the truth. Tell me what's on your heart. How have I hurt you? What are you afraid of? What do you want for lunch?" Ali let out a small laugh. "Tell me anything."

"Can I tell you that I'm trying?"

"Yeah. That works, too."

Ash and Ali talked for most of the day. Actually Ashlyn talked most of the day. Ali listened. She let her wife take her time. When Ashlyn started to ramble or randomly changed subjects she just let her go. She knew that they had taken an important step forward in their marriage. 

Neither of them had all of the answers but they both found more than they started with. 

Ashlyn found out that Ali cared very deeply about her innermost feelings and would wait with patience and forgiveness to hear them. Ali learned that Ashlyn was just learning what being loved really meant. She was learning that in love there is safety and acceptance. She was learning that she could find both of those things in Ali.

Ali also learned that Ashlyn wanted pizza for lunch.


	83. Don't Forget (Part One)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the Miss You More Universe the Washington Spirit made it to the NWSL final as it should be. 
> 
> That is all.

"Mama!" Sam was running from Ali without any clothes on. Ashlyn was in the backyard, which Ali was very thankful was fenced in and blocked off from any neighbors. She didn't approve of her son going commando in public.

"Ashlyn, catch him!" Ali yelled for her wife to help.

Ashlyn watched her naked son run right to her. She scooped him up and blew raspberries on his bare belly. 

"Mama!" The boy laughed. Ali was trying to get him dressed after his bath but he was inspired and made up a brand new dance. "Mama, I show you my nakey dance."

"Your nakey dance?" Ash cracked up. Her wife wasn't as amused as she was. "Is that like a naked dance? Is that what you're saying, Bam?"

"Yeah, my nakey dance!"

"Ok, let's see it." Ashlyn did not have her wife's approval but it was too good to miss. Ash put the boy down. 

"Drop da beat!" He pointed at Ashlyn. She had never heard him say that before. Maybe he was learning more at school than they thought.

Ashlyn started a make shift beat for the boy and he started his dance.

The 'nakey dance' consisted of a front shake, a back shake and then a full body twist. Ashlyn loved it. Ali did not approve of the 'front shake,' especially without any clothing covering the part that was shaking.

"You like my dance, Mama?" 

"I love it!" Ash said. She caught a glimpse of her wife's disapproval and added a disclaimer. "But I think that's a good dance to save for bath time. Keep it in the bathroom, Bam."

"Ok, Mama!" Sam gladly agreed.

"He listens to you." Ali just walked away. Poor thing had tried for 20 minutes to get the boy to put on some clothes but he was too excited about his dance. He refused to stand still until he could show Ashlyn, his usual dance partner, his new moves. When Ali went to put the towel down he made a break for it and ran downstairs yelling for Ashlyn.

Ashlyn carried Samuel inside. She threw his naked little body over her shoulder and followed her wife inside.

"Babe, what do you need me to do?" Ash asked.

"Can you please just get him dressed?" Ali sounded frustrated.

"We can handle that." Ash used her free arm to spin her wife around and give her a kiss. Ali's attitude seemed to perk up right away.

"I kiss Mommy too, Mama?" Sam was eager to copy Ashlyn in any way he could.

"You better!" Ash encouraged and then maneuvered his head so that he could give his Mommy a sloppy wet kiss. Ali couldn't be too frustrated with her little boy, he had the best slobbery kisses around. 

"Thank you, sweetheart. Now be a good boy and let Mama get you ready for Grandpa." Ali said.

"Ok, Mommy!"

Ashlyn and Ali needed the kids cleaned up and ready to go to spend a couple of days with Ali's dad. They were leaving with the team for Kansas City that afternoon for the final. The rest of the family would join them the day before, and then they were heading out for Labor Day weekend to see Uncle Kyle.

Ali was on organization overdrive. She had half a dozen lists and different bags for different trips. She had invited both her mom and dad to join them for their trip to California since it was the first time Kyle was officially meeting Jacob. They had met over Skype many times but it's not the same thing. 

She needed to make sure her dad knew exactly what to bring with the kids so that they could leave from Kansas City and then to LA without a hitch. Her youngest child's shenanigans were close to pushing her over the edge.

"Babe, we got this. Try to relax. We're gonna have a great time. Even if we forget something...as long as it's not one of our children, it should be fine." Ashlyn laughed. Ali did not.

"You laugh, but it's totally possible. We're gonna be in another state. I just want everything to be as easy as possible for my dad." Ali answered.

"Your dad knows the drill. He's a pro with our kids and all our crazy plans. It will be fine." Ashlyn gave her a peck on the cheek and then lowered Sam so he could do the same. She knew he'd want to, so she saved him the trouble of having to ask.

"Whatever you say, dear. Just go get this one presentable."

"Yes ma'am!" Ash hurried off with their naked boy.

Ali heard a muffled "Yes ma'am" from her son's lips as he giggled to his room on his Mama's shoulder.

When Ken arrived Ash and Ali gave their children hugs and kisses. Ali went over her instructions with her dad in detail and gave him an itinerary and plan of action. He assured her he was up to the task and that she didn't need to worry.

The two women left to meet their team. Ali couldn't help but worry that she forgot something. 

...

The trip to the final was much easier than the one to the semi-final. There were no sick children or parents. It was a shorter flight, and everyone was revved up for the weekend ahead. They were ready to show the world just how far they had come from the epic disaster that was their previous season.

Throughout the trip and the daily practices Ali couldn't shake the worry in the back of her mind that something bad was coming.

"Al, relax. The last time we were here was horrible. That's why you're thinking something bad is gonna happen. But it already happened. It's over. Everything is fine." Ashlyn tried to talk some sense into her wife.

The horribleness Ashlyn was referring to was the collision her and her wife got into that sent Ashlyn to the hospital with a brain injury. The road back was a lot longer than the quick plane ride to Kansas. The Krieger-Harris family had been through hell and back.

"Ash, I know you're probably right but I just have a bad feeling." Ali held on tighter to her wife's hand.

"Well, cut it out! I don't want the kids to start worrying because of your craziness."

"I know. I know."

The women had just left the last practice before their game the next day and were on their way to meet the rest of the family who had recently arrived. Ali's dad had texted them the hotel room number and they were excited to be reunited with all of their loves.

When they arrived to the room, Ali's Dad filled her in on the most recent family news.

"Ali, your Mom called me. She's on her way to the hotel now. I told her we'd wait until she got here before going to dinner." Ken said.

Ali's parents, though divorced, still got along great. It wasn't always like that, but when you have kids and now grandkids you either make it work or you miss out on some of life's greatest moments.

"Sounds great. Thank you, Daddy." Ali was in need of a 'dad hug' right about now. And he was the best at giving those.

...

The whole family had a nice dinner together. Ali and Ash loved having Grandma and Grandpa around because they usually took care of the two youngest kids at the table and let them relax.

"Mama?" Jake was sitting next to Ashlyn and had a question for her. 

"Yeah?" She answered. She could tell he didn't want the others to hear.

"Do you think I could stay with you and Mom tonight?" 

"Why?"

"I won't be able to sleep if I have to share a bed with Sam."

Ashlyn laughed. They had two beds in their room so it really wouldn't be a big deal. "I think that should be fine. You should ask your Mom how she deals with sleeping next to me. I move around a lot too."

"He kicks constantly. He has karate fights in his sleep and thinks my stomach is the bad guy." Jake didn't think he would ever get used to his little brother's activity at night. "Plus he's short and his feet are right around my 'you know what.'"

Ashlyn couldn't contain her laughter. Her kids were awesome. Even the oldest could rival anyone with his cuteness. "Well, you'll be safe tonight." Ash reassured him.

"Dad, how were the kids for you on the flight?" Ali was worried all day about them.

"They were great. We sat exactly how you wanted us too." Ken answered.

"Wait, wait, wait." Ashlyn had to get something cleared up. "Did you give then seating assignments?"

"Yes. I wanted Dad to sit with Sam and Jacob to sit with Lexi. They had to be in two different rows so I put Dad and Sam behind Jacob and Lex so Dad could keep an eye on them." 

"You're a little OCD, babe." Ashlyn couldn't believe it.

"She also said that Grandpa and I had to sit in the middle seat and let them have the window seats." Jake was enjoying making fun of his controlling mother's ways.

"Ok first off, enough of you telling on me and second, the reason for that was because I wanted them safe. Who knows what kind of creepy stranger might sit next to you?" Ali defended.

"It's ok for ME to sit next to creepy strangers?" Jacob had learned to give his Mom a hard time from his Mama.

Ashlyn gave Jake a slap on the back and let out a hearty chuckle.

"Sweetheart, best case scenario is that no one has to sit by a creepy stranger. But your sweet little sister needs to be safe and you're big and strong." Ali tried to sweet talk him and if he was honest he would say it totally worked.

"I sat with Jakes too!" Sam chimed in.

"I told you to keep that between us." Ali's Dad answered his littlest grandson.

"Oops." Sam was sincerely sorry.

"I sat with Grandpa sometimes." Now Lexi was taking part in confession time.

"Did anyone follow my seating plan?" Ali was way too concerned about a tiny detail.

"Princess, they switched a couple of times but they both sat in the window seat and everyone behaved. No problem." Ken couldn't believe it was an issue. Actually, he could believe it, because he knew his daughter well.

"Dad, I just..." Ali was quickly interrupted by her wife.

"Alex, let it go! Who cares? Everybody's fine." Ashlyn gave Ali a look that expressed her frustration and Ali knew she better move on. They had a big game and then lots of travel ahead. She needed to be flexible and easy going. 

Unfortunately, she was on edge anticipating an unknown uncontrollable incident in the near future. 

...

The next morning came fast. Ashlyn and Ali invited Jacob to have a room service breakfast with them. They felt he needed some attention. They knew the younger ones took up a lot of their attention and he sometimes is left to fend for himself.

"Sweetheart, how's school going?" Ali and Jake were eating at a little table in the room. Ash was spread out on her and Ali's bed lying on her stomach, with her head right next to her food. While Ali talked to Jake she was carefully scooping eggs into her mouth.

Ali and their son saw Ashlyn's lazy breakfast manners and shook their heads. Ali thought her wife was absolutely crazy.

"Anyways..." Ali brought the attention back to Jacob.

"Um, it's going ok. I still hate math. But I think my grades are good." Jacob answered.

"How are things with your brother and sister?" Ali asked.

Jacob shrugged. He was honestly very happy and content with his place in life. He loved his family.

"Good, I guess."

"You don't mind helping out as much as you do? Your brother is especially rambunctious. You don't mind?" Ali said.

"I didn't really have anyone growing up. I like having them around." The adults in the room got really serious. They loved that he was always willing to help. But they hated that his good attitude was a result of a tough life.

"Well, ya got us now kid. Ain't never getting rid of us, either." Ash spoke with a mouthful of eggs.

Ali's crazy wife was right on the money. That boy would never be alone again.

Ali and Jake continued to have a civilized breakfast and good conversation while Ashlyn added a few comments from time to time. It was nice for all three of them to be able to relax and not worry about the little ones.

Meanwhile, Ali's parents were tag teaming breakfast with Lex and Sam. Lexi was always a breeze to handle once she got dressed. Sam, on the other hand, was always an unknown adventure. He required a lot of extra attention and patience, but it certainly kept life interesting.

...

The game was completely different than their last matchup. The game remained tied for the majority of regulation time. Ashlyn had some monster saves and was feeling in sync with the entire defensive line. 

After 86 minutes and no scores, the back line was instructed to push the ball forward as much as possible. No one would have ever predicted it, but Ali ended up with the ball at the top of the box. She let loose a cracker of a shot and hit the back of the net. The place erupted! 

Ali ran to the bench to share in the celebration and made sure to form a heart with her hands for her kids. 

Sam was going crazy! He was being held in Ken's arms and after everyone else had settled down, he grabbed his Grandpa's head and tried to shake it back and forth, while he screamed with excitement. His wiggles were trying desperately to escape his small body.

Ali's mom put a hand on his arm and told him to save it for after the game when he would be able to run around the field like his Mommy.

There was very little stoppage time, but it was still long enough for Lauren Holiday to get a shot off that almost gave the entire Spirit team a heart attack. The ball was tipped over the goal by Ashlyn's fingertips. 

Lauren was able to get a quick corner kick off but it went straight to Ashlyn. The keeper took her time clearing the ball and the game was whistled over as it bounced to the feet of Christine Nairn. 

The Spirit had won the NWSL championship!

..

After the game the family gathered together on the field. Sam and Ashlyn played Superman by one of the goals. 

Ali's mom put an arm around her daughter and said, "You guys really made me nervous! I thought I was gonna have an anxiety attack watching you!" 

At that moment Ali figured out what she had forgotten. She prayed to God everything would be ok.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any guesses about what Ali forgot? I think I included a pretty obvious clue.


	84. Don't Forget (Part Two)

The Krieger-Harris clan had dinner with the team and then departed to have a family friendly championship celebration in their hotel room.

That night the family of five stayed in Ashlyn and Ali's room. Jake and Lex shared a bed and a very wiggly Sam slept in between Ali and Ashlyn. 

...

The next morning the family headed out with Ali's Mom and Dad to visit Kyle. With the ratio of adults to children, the kids had no chance to get into too much mischief on the trip. Ali didn't have to worry about seating arrangements this time. 

She had other things to worry about.

...

When they arrived at Kyle's place Ali waited until she could get a few minutes alone to try and fix her mistake. She searched for a nearby pharmacy and called Ashlyn's doctor.

Ali had forgotten to bring Ashlyn's inhaler, allergy and anxiety medication. She always packed all the family meds in one carry-on but since the kids traveled on a different day, she separated their meds with Ashlyn's and ended up not packing her wife's emergency medication.

She was mostly concerned about her inhaler and anxiety meds. The doctor's office informed her that they could call in refills for everything but the anxiety medication.

She knew she was in a no win situation. Without the meds if something came up her wife was going to have a hard time, but if she told her she was without them it might cause her more anxiety than necessary. 

She decided to keep the information to herself.

...

Kyle took the family out to lunch and then to do some sight seeing. This was Jake's first time on any kind of vacation and Kyle and his parents wanted to make sure they made the most of their time and make sure it was memorable for him.

After visiting the Hollywood Walk of Fame and checking out fossils at the Tar Pits, Kyle took the family to hike near the Hollywood sign. Ali wanted to get family pictures with their favorite photographer during the hike too.

The family hiked their way right through Sam's nap time. He had a lot of extra energy due to Kyle's dog getting him excited but after a while of hiking and playing with Luna, Sam was exhausted. He tried riding the big dog, but got scolded pretty quickly by Ali and his Grandma. He put his head down and went straight to Ashlyn.

"Mama, I'm tired." He held his hands up to her. Ashlyn picked him up and held him close. The boy was ready to pass out on her shoulder.

"Ashlyn, you should let Kyle or my Dad carry him. He's too heavy for such a long hike." Ali was worried about Ashlyn's physical energy. She didn't want it to lead to anything worse.

"You worry too much!" Ashlyn replied. "It's fine. I always carry him. What's the big deal?" 

"I don't want you to hurt your back." Ali lied.

"The season's over. Who cares?" Ashlyn dismissed her and ended the conversation. 

Ali's mom pulled her aside and made sure the rest of the group was far enough ahead of them not to hear her ask. "Sweetheart, what was all that about?"

Ali was ready to lie and smooth things over but her conscience couldn't handle to carry the weight of the guilt and worry she felt. She confessed.

"Mom, I forgot Ashlyn's anxiety medication. I've been worried sick ever since last night when I realized it. I called the pharmacy but the doctor won't call it in because it's a commonly abused drug and it's not due for a refill."

"How often does she use it?" Deb asked.

"Not too often. But enough for me to worry that she might need it. I always have it. I can't believe I forgot it. I separated it from Lexi and Jacob's medicine and left it on the counter. I can't believe it." Ali felt sick. She thought talking about it would make her feel better but it only made her feel worse.

"Did you tell Ashlyn, honey?"

"No. I don't know if it will stress her out more. But if I don't tell her she might put herself in a stressful situation without thinking. I just don't know what to do." Ali was having her own anxiety attack.

"I think you should tell her. She's a responsible adult and will make wise decisions if she has the information needed to do so." Ali's Mom offered a voice of reason.

"Yeah, you're probably right." Ali gave her Mom a side hug squeeze and hurried to catch up with her wife. "Ash I need to talk to you real quick."

"What's up?" Ash asked.

Ali played with the wet hair of her sleeping son, allowing herself to get distracted for a moment. "He's getting your shoulder all sweaty." Ali informed her wife. 

"Is that what you have to tell me?" Ash asked. She thought her wife was acting a little weird.

"Uh, no." Ali cleared her throat to allow for a little more time before coming out with it. "I forgot your anxiety medicine. I wasn't gonna tell you because I didn't want you to stress out. But I guess it's better for you to know so you don't put yourself in a stressful situation."

"Is that all?" Ashlyn stopped walking so she could look at her wife face to face. "You worry too much! Who cares? It's fine. I'm fine. Sam's fine. It's all good. I can't even think of the last time I had to take one of those pills."

"I remember." Ali mumbled.

"What was that?" 

"I remember. You could barely breathe and it scared me to death." Ali didn't want to relive anything that involved her favorite person struggling for breath.

"It's ok, Alex. I appreciate your concern, but there's nothing for you to worry about."

Ali hoped her wife was right.

...

Kyle had a BBQ for the family that night. Sam took up his usual spot but this time it was next to his uncle. He had on an oversized apron and stood on a stool next to Kyle and helped him flip the burgers, hotdogs, and chicken. 

"Uncle, can I flip?" Sam pulled on Kyle's shirt sleeve.

"You got it, buddy." He pointed to a hot dog for Sam to adjust on the grill.

Lex walked up behind the two and put her hand on the bottom of Kyle's back. "Uncle, I love you."

Lexi and Kyle had a very close bond. He spoiled her and made sure to take her on dates whenever they visited. He told her she was his favorite girl. Ali always teased him when he would say this around her. 

"Lex, I love you too. Tomorrow I'm taking out my favorite girl for lunch." Kyle leaned down and gave her a hug and kiss on the top of her head. He really loved her.

"Uncle Kyle?" Jacob interrupted Kyle and Lexi's sweet moment. "Mom and Grandma told me to tell you that everything's ready."

"We are probably gonna need 5 more minutes on the chicken but everything else is ready." Kyle informed his new nephew.

"Ok." Jake quickly informed the women of Kyle's answer.

The family ended up having a great dinner and an even better time. Sam and Lexi fell asleep soon after the late dinner. They were still on eastern time and the day's activities wore them out.

Sam fell asleep in Ashlyn's arms, as usual, and Lexi rested in her Grandfather's strong arms. Ali looked around her and thanked God for the blessings she had been given. They were all sitting in the same room and enjoying one another's company. This was a rare occurrence for her.

...

The next morning was set aside for some special bonding time between Kyle, Ashlyn, and Jacob. 

Ashlyn was going to teach her son to surf. 

She had been looking forward to this for a long time. She'd tried a few times with her younger children but they were too small and unable to focus for a long enough period of time to get anywhere close to proper surfing form.

Ashlyn woke up before Ali, for a change. She gave her wife one last squeeze and kissed her cheek. She got out of bed with an extra bounce in her step. She was excited for the day ahead.

Ali's Mom was awake with Sam. She and him were coloring pictures for the family. Ashlyn gave Sam a kiss and bragged about his amazing coloring skills. He couldn't stay in the lines to save his life and the trees were purple but she thought it was the greatest thing she'd ever seen. 

Kyle was the next one to wake up. He shuffled to the kitchen and got the coffee going. Ashlyn saw that her brother-in-law was awake so she decided it was time to wake up her oldest child. 

Unsurprisingly, Jacob was already awake. He always had a healthy dose of nerves when trying new things. This caused him to lose sleep and over analyze every detail of the activity. 

"Good morning, son. I wasn't expecting you up so early." Ashlyn laid down next to the sleeping bag he was still curled up in. 

"I couldn't sleep any longer." 

"You too excited about hitting the waves?" Ashlyn was dripping with joy. She loved having the opportunity to share something like this with her son.

"I don't know if 'excited' is the right word." The boy was nervous. He knew how to swim but he wasn't that great. He had never seen the ocean before and imagined it being able to gulp him up.

"You've got nothing to worry about. Your uncle and I will be there every moment. We're gonna have the best day!" Ashlyn patted Jake's sleeping bag covered leg and motioned for him to get up. It was time to start the day.

Kyle made a quick breakfast for his surfing partners and the three of them were off. They loaded up his Jeep with surf boards and other essential gear. The rest of the family would join them in a couple of hours and would bring all of the stuff needed for a family day at the beach.

The first time Jake stepped into the water, Ashlyn almost cried. She watched the boy's face as he marveled at the greatness of the water rushing at his feet. He took in the horizon and the sound of the waves crashing against the shore. His ears filled with the sound of seagulls and flowing water. He knelt down and let the water run through his fingers. He was ready.

Ashlyn and Kyle taught him the basics. They gave him little tips on how to stay balanced and how to control the direction of the surfboard on a big wave.

He was intense in his focus and wanted more than anything to stand up on the board and make his mom and uncle proud.

After two hours of trying, the best he could do was stand for a few seconds before getting sent back to the water. But he was getting close.

Kyle decided now was the time to swim to shore and set up his camera. He wanted to try and get Jacob's first successful surf on video and then after that he would take still pictures of his nephew and sister-in-law.

Ashlyn and Jake were lying flat on their boards waiting for the next wave. Ash gave him one last pep talk and as the wave came they both stood up. Ashlyn went quite a bit farther than her son, but he did get up and stayed up for a lot longer than ever before. 

When the wave finally got the best of him his board, that was attached to his ankle by a cord, got pulled into a rip current. The tide pulled him out with it into the opposite direction of the shore.

These types of currents are dangerous if you don't know what to do to get out of them. Ashlyn saw her son being pulled away from her. She yelled for him to stay calm and to swim parallel to the shore and not directly towards it. 

Jake panicked. He had never been in this type of situation and the force of the wave and the vast expanse of the ocean was too much for him to try and stay calm. He struggled to swim toward shore but it only pulled him further and further away from his mother. 

He screamed for help causing his mouth and lungs to fill with water. The strong current, mixed with his struggle to swim against it, and his inability to breathe caused the boy to sink.

Jacob was drowning.

...

The rest of the family had arrived at the beach and were searching for the spot Kyle had told them about. Grandpa carried the big cooler filled with food and drinks. Grandma carried Sam and held Lexi's hand. Ali carried everything else. 

She was trying to keep hold of beach chairs, blankets and a bag filled with sunscreen, sand toys, books and other miscellaneous things.

She searched the shore for her wife and son but couldn't find them. She did notice her brother, however. He was running up the shore, waving his arms, and screaming for someone's attention. 

She watched the life guard meet him on the sand and it hit her. Something was very wrong. She dropped everything she was carrying and sprinted towards her brother. 

...

Ashlyn swam out to her son. She couldn't see him because he was under the water, but she could see his board. She prayed she could get there in time.

When she finally got to him she dove under the water, unattached his board, and pulled him up to the surface. She couldn't tell if he was breathing. She yelled for him to hold on and to stay with her. But there was no response. 

Ashlyn laid him so that his body was floating on top of the water. She put her left arm around his chest and gripped the boy under his arm pit. She swam as hard as she could with one arm out of the current and then towards the shore.

The lifeguard met them halfway to the shore. He took Jacob from Ashlyn's tight grip and Kyle helped Ashlyn the rest of the way. Ali and the rest of the family waited for them at the shore.

Jacob wasn't breathing. The lifeguard quickly performed CPR and lifted his head up as he coughed up all the water that had found it's way into his lungs. Jacob was going to be ok.

Ali embraced her son, knowing that he was lucky to be alive. She held him close and kissed his cheek about a hundred times. Ali's Mom tapped her on the shoulder and told her to go to her wife. The concerned Grandmother kept all three children close to her as Ali watched her wife struggle for breath.

Ashlyn was having a panic attack. 

The lifeguard was met by a team of people who were assisting in getting Ash into a healthier condition. They held up an oxygen mask to her face but it only made matters worse. She was inhaling breaths so deeply and quickly that the extra oxygen was causing her to be lightheaded and she nearly passed out.

Ali poked her way through the people who were trying to help, and told them to stop. She ordered them to give Ashlyn some room. She knelt down next to Ashlyn and pulled her head onto her shoulder. 

"Sweetheart, you have to calm down." Ali whispered.

Ashlyn was gasping for air.

"Jacob's ok. You're ok. Everybody is ok."

Ali's Dad knelt down on the other side of Ashlyn and put his arm around her. He wanted her to feel safe.

"Shhh. It's ok. Jacob's ok. You're ok. Everybody's ok." Ali repeated. 

Ashlyn focused on her breathing. 

Slow breath in. Slow breath out.

Everything's ok.

Jacob's ok. 

Slow breath in. 

Jacob's ok. 

Slow breath out.

It's gonna be ok.

When Ashlyn finally caught her breath she hid her face in Ali's chest and cried.

Ken gave his ex-wife and Kyle a look letting them know she was better. He left the two women alone to recover. 

Ali's Dad took Lexi in his arms and had the family set up their gear further up the beach. He made sure they were close enough for him to keep an eye on his girls, but far enough away that the couple could have some privacy.

...

Ashlyn and Jacob took it easy for the rest of the beach trip. The experience scared them both. Ali stayed close to them the whole day. 

Kyle kept his promise and took his favorite girl out to lunch. Sam went for a walk and ice cream with his grandparents. Ali's parents wanted to relieve as much chaos from the atmosphere around Ash and Jake as possible. That meant taking Sam-Bam out of the house.

The rest of the trip was fun and a lot less stressful. The next day Jacob even managed to talk his Mama into taking him surfing again. She was nervous for her son, and a little bit traumatized from the whole experience, but she knew it wasn't something that was likely to ever happen again. She was thankful her son was willing to give the ocean another chance. 

Ashlyn and Jacob snuck out early the next morning and had a relaxing time at the beach before anyone else woke up. As they made their way back, Ashlyn put an arm around her son's shoulders and walked with him into the house. 

She had finally been able to have the surfing experience with one of her children that she had always wanted.

This turned out to be a vacation she wouldn't ever forget.


	85. Fit Together

It was bedtime in the Krieger-Harris household. Ali had finished tucking in Lexi before Ashlyn finished with Samuel. Sam had her give kisses to his pup and made her say goodnight to every single one of the Avengers. 

Once she got the boy to settle down she read him a short story, adding in a few details of her own. She watched as he quickly nodded off to sleep. She didn't even have to finish the book.

She greeted her wife in their room where Ali was already in bed. She had her nightstand light on and was reading a book of her own. Ashlyn didn't mind interrupting her.

"Do you know what Bam just said to me?" Ashlyn climbed on top of her wife holding her weight up on her elbows. She was hovering a few inches over Ali. 

"Judging by that stupid smile on your face, I'm a little worried." Ali lifted her head a little and placed a soft kiss on her wife's bottom lip.

"I'm ignoring you making fun of my face." She shifted her weight onto her left arm and used her right hand to tickle torture her wife.

"Stop!" Ali was squirming underneath her wife, trying to get out of her reach. Ashlyn used this opportunity to lay all of her weight on top of her. Ali wasn't going anywhere.

"Alex, don't you want to know what our baby said to me?" Ashlyn was laughing at her wife's current predicament.

"I can't breathe. Get off!" Ali really was breathless. Ashlyn rolled off of her betrothed and watched her regain her composure. 

Ali shook her head. She had to make a decision. She could either attempt to get her wife back or she could let it go and give her wife the attention she wanted.

"What did Samuel say to you?" Ali didn't have the energy to go back and forth with Ashlyn. She usually didn't play fair anyway. 

"Oh yeah, I totally forgot we were talking about that."

"How could you forget? You attacked me to make me listen." Ali rolled on top of her wife.

"Mmm..." Ashlyn was distracted by her very hot wife.

Ali watched her wife's eyes darken and felt her hands slip beneath the elastic of her panties. Ashlyn squeezed Ali's butt and pulled her in closer to produce even more contact between them.

"Baby, really?" Ali was trying to have a conversation with Ashlyn. "Ashlyn!"

"Huh?" Ashlyn loosened her grip and focused her attention on her wife's words. "What did you say?"

"I asked you about Sam. What did he say to you?" Ali could tell her wife was frustrated and honestly she enjoyed it.

"Um...God, you're beautiful Alex."

"Oh is that what he said? I have a feeling our four year old did not say that." Ali made light of Ashlyn's inability to focus on her question but she secretly loved it.

"I, um, he said he wants to be a keeper. I'm gonna start training him." Ashlyn wanted to get back to what she started and she began to kiss Ali's neck.

"He's too young to be a goalkeeper. He'll get hurt!" Ali pulled away from Ashlyn and separated herself and returned to her side of the bed.

"Why'd you leave?" Ashlyn didn't want there to be so much space between them. She wanted to continue where they left off but Ali was not going for it.

"You're not gonna have our son diving on the ground and getting hurt. It's not going to happen!"

"Well, YOU'RE not gonna stop me from teaching my son to play. What's so wrong with him being a keeper?"

"He's my son too, and I will stop you from doing anything that I think isn't good for him." Ali's voice was starting to raise.

"What's your problem, Alex?" 

"My problem is that our boys worship you and they try to copy everything you do. The last time one of them almost died trying to be like you! I don't want you putting another one of our children in danger." Ali didn't really mean that, but her anger got the best of her and she wanted Ash to back down.

Ali got her wish. Ashlyn backed down. She rolled over so that her back was facing Ali and she tried not to cry. 

Ashlyn was glad she was able to get to Jacob before he drowned when she took him surfing, but there was a thought in the back of her mind that told her he never would have been in danger if she wouldn't have taken him out that day.

Ali knew she made a big mistake. She reached out for her wife. She lightly shook Ashlyn's shoulder. "Ash, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that."

Ashlyn shrugged her wife's hand off of her shoulder. She didn't want to be touched.

"Ash, I'm sorry."

Ashlyn got up and left their room. Ali didn't waste a moment. She followed her out. 

"Ashlyn, where are you going?"

"I'm sleeping on the couch tonight."

"You don't have to do that. Please just come back to bed. I'll leave you alone." Ali begged.

"Alex, please just stop." Her voice cracked. Ashlyn sounded heart broken. Ali knew she should never have said what she said. She knew Ash had probably considered that she was partially responsible for Jake's near drowning and now her saying it would confirm it to her.

"Ash, I love you. Please, forget what I said. I'm sorry."

"I asked you to stop." Ashlyn was begging her wife to leave her alone. She was about to fall apart and she couldn't handle much more. "Please. Just stop."

Ali knew it was coming. She knew her wife was trying to be brave in front of her and not break down, even though she didn't have to be. It was ok for her to be her true self in front of Ali. 

Ali didn't say another word. She gave her wife a kiss on the cheek and left her alone. She stayed out of sight and sat on the bottom step of their stairway and listened to Ashlyn's quiet sniffling. She put her head in her hands and covered the sound of Ashlyn's cries with her own.

It didn't take long. Once Ashlyn heard her wife crying she had to check on her. Ali didn't hear her approach. She jumped when she felt Ashlyn's arms around her. The tears came harder once Ashlyn lifted her up and carried her up to their room. 

Ali was mess. Ashlyn laid her down gently on their bed and held her in her arms. She waited for her wife's breaths to even out. Once Ali had calmed down Ashlyn kissed each of her cheeks as if she was trying to kiss her tears away. 

Ali took Ashlyn's face in both hands and stared hard into her eyes. Suddenly the temperature in the room seemed to rise. Ali pulled Ashlyn down hard onto her and smashed their lips together. 

Ali couldn't stand Ashlyn feeling anything but love from her. She never wanted to make her cry.

Though there were no words spoken for the rest of the night, the message came through loud and clear. There was no one in the world who set Ali's heart ablaze like Ashlyn and the same was true for Ashlyn. The struggles, the fights, the victories, everything always brought them back to each other.

...

Ali woke up earlier than her wife. She had a rough night. She felt guilt-ridden by what she had said to Ashlyn in anger. Ali always considered herself a protector of her wife's heart. 

After years of pulling her out of her shell and convincing her that she was safe to be vulnerable, Ali hated herself for letting her anger get the best of her. She purposely hurt Ashlyn in order to win an argument. 

Ali turned off their alarm clock and let her wife sleep. She got the kids ready for school and brought Ashlyn breakfast in bed. 

"What's this?" Ashlyn had already started to wake up before Ali surprised her with her favorite breakfast foods. 

"I made you breakfast." Ali set the tray down next to her wife.

"Why? Don't we need to get the kids ready?"

"They're all ready to go. They're having breakfast in the kitchen." 

"Why didn't you wake me?"

"I wanted you to sleep." Ali had a twinge of guilt in her voice. Her wife picked up on it immediately.

"What's wrong?" Ashlyn moved the tray so that she could reach for her wife's hand. "What is it, Als?"

Ali sighed and put her head down. She couldn't look at her wife's concern without feeling worse.

"Ash, I feel awful!" 

"Why?" Ashlyn figured everything was squared away after last night's make-up sex.

"Ashlyn, what I said to you was completely wrong. You know how I get when I'm angry. I just wish I could control my words better. Especially with you."

"Don't worry about that. I forgive you." Ashlyn gave her wife a kiss on the cheek to try and cheer Ali up.

"You shouldn't."

"Well, it's not up to you. So, I forgive you." Ashlyn thought it was a simple fix but Ali didn't see things the same way.

"Stop forgiving me!" Ali pulled her hand away from her wife and got up off the bed. She stood at the foot of the bed and tried to talk Ashlyn out of showing her kindness. "I don't deserve it."

"What are you talking about?" Ashlyn went to her wife and put her arm around her shoulders to pull her into a hug.

Ali gave herself a few seconds to receive comfort from her wife and then pulled away again. 

"Ashlyn!" Ali grabbed Ashlyn's shoulders. "You deserve better. If I ever saw anyone else treat you like I do, I would punch them in the face."

Ashlyn laughed at her wife's dramatic threat of violence. "Alex, it's fine. It's no big deal."

"It is a big deal! Why should I ever treat you that way?" Ali was so ashamed.

"Al, we forgive each other. That's what we do. That's how we make it. Everyone makes mistakes. If I wanted to be in a relationship with a perfect person I'd be alone all my life...and then I'd have to divorce myself." 

"Ashlyn, I'm supposed to protect you. I purposely hurt you. You would never do that to me." Ali sat back down on the bed and stared at her hands.

"Babe, you do have a little bit of a temper. And I'm usually the one who gets to see it. But you've grown a lot. This was a slip up. I do stupid stuff too. It's just different stuff. No need to beat yourself up about it."

Ashlyn sat next to her wife and put her arm around her. Ali let her head rest on Ashlyn's shoulder.

"My anger messes with my brain." Ali said. "Why do I let it get the best of me?"

"I think most people struggle with anger. It's hard to control." Ashlyn said while rubbing Ali's back.

"You don't! You're always calm and level-headed. You always try to put my feelings first even though I'm a jerk!"

"Wow. You're grumpy." Ashlyn thought maybe a laugh would be the best medicine for her wife. "I should have Sam come up here and do his happy dance."

"It's not funny, Ashlyn. I'm being serious! I'm a terrible wife for how I treated you. I purposely tried to hurt you last night to win an argument. And the thing that hurts the most is that I couldn't be more thankful for you. You take great care of our kids. You have literally saved our children's lives...more than once!"

Ashlyn couldn't hide her smile. "Yeah I kinda have. Haven't I?"

"Ashlyn!" Ali was annoyed that her wife was happy. She was miserable and her wife was making jokes and smiling. Ali's feeling of annoyance only made her feel worse. She should be glad her wife is happy.

Ashlyn could see Ali was about to lose it. She decided to get serious. "You know what, Babe?" Ashlyn put both arms around Ali and hugged her tight.

"What?" Ali grumbled.

"I may have saved Jake and Sam recently but..." Ashlyn turned her wife so that she was facing her. "You saved me."

Ali shook her head no.

"Alex, you did. You gave me hope. You gave me a future. You struggled with me through all of my issues and didn't give up on me. You might have one or two little issues that you're still working through, but I won't give up on you either. Because I'll never forget what you've done for me." 

Ashlyn kissed Ali on her forehead and said one more time, "You saved my life, Alex."

Ali was satisfied with her wife's reason for sticking by her. She was more thankful than ever that she married her best friend and committed to walk through life with her.

Suddenly it dawned on her. Ashlyn said 'one or two issues.' 

"What's my other issue?" Ali gave her wife a look of warning. 

"Uhh...what?" Ashlyn knew she was in trouble.

"You said I had one or TWO little issues. So what's the other one?"

"You are..." Ashlyn slowly said each word, trying to find a good answer to her wife's impossible question. "You are criminally beautiful. You're so hot it should be illegal."

"That is not what you were thinking. Tell me the truth!" Ali demanded.

Ashlyn had a huge smile on her face. She was a lost cause. She couldn't think of a thing to cover her tracks.

"Stop smiling and spill!" Ali pinched Ashlyn's side.

Ashlyn was relieved to hear a knock on their door. "Oh, thank God! Come in!"

Jacob opened the door slowly. He was always nervous about what he might find in his parents room when he opened a closed door. The two of then were always openly affectionate and he didn't want to think about what they did behind closed doors.

"Um, Lex's bus picked her up and Sam and I need to go to school." Jacob said.

Ashlyn jumped up and volunteered immediately.

"Baby, we aren't done talking." Ali yelled as her wife grabbed her son's arm and pulled him out of the room with her.

"Oh, yes we are!" Ashlyn yelled back to her wife. She felt forever indebted to her oldest son.

Ali quickly followed them down the stairs. "Ash, eat your breakfast. I'll take Jacob and you can leave a little bit later and take Samuel." Ali remembered she was supposed to be showing her wife her sweet side. She decided to let everything go.

"Are you sure?" Ashlyn was certain she was in trouble. 

"I'm sure. I love you." Ali gave her wife a kiss on the lips and let the kiss linger longer than Jacob was comfortable with. 

He cleared his throat and Ali quickly apologized. "Sorry Sweetheart, I just really love your Mama."

Ashlyn had a dumb smile on her face. She was truly grateful to the woman who has given her everything. 

All of their imperfections and broken pieces fit together perfectly.


	86. Speak Up

"Babe, we gotta go!" Ash yelled up  
the stairs to her wife. Ali was putting on the finishing touches of her make-up.

"Be there in a minute." Ali yelled through the open door of their bathroom.

"Alex, for real we gotta go!"

Lexi walked down the stairs and Ashlyn scooped her up. "At least my littlest princess is ready." She gave her daughter a kiss and then put her down.

"Mama, I'm nervous. I don't want to get hurt." Lexi and the boys were starting a self-defense class. Ashlyn and Ali discussed the issue at length and decided it was something they wanted to do.

"Princess, you won't get hurt. I will be there with you the whole time. If you get scared you can come to me. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do today, ok?" Ashlyn reassured her anxious daughter.

Lexi nodded and gave her Mama another hug. "Mama, can you carry me?" 

Ashlyn laughed. She is truly a princess. "Anything for you. Let's go get your Mommy."

The two headed to Ali on a mission. "Babe, it's time. You look perfect." Ashlyn said before she even saw her wife.

Ali was putting on mascara when her favorite girls interrupted her.

"Are you sure? I don't know what to wear to something like this." Ali was being ridiculous.

"Alex, you have the perfect dojo look going on. We really need to go!"

"Well, it just so happens that I'm ready." Ali snapped her fingers and gave her wife a smirk. She put her hand up to give her daughter a high five and sauntered out of the room leaving her wife and daughter behind.

Ashlyn laughed at her wife's diva tendencies. She's too much.

...

The boys were loving the karate they were learning. Sam was in an age appropriate class that did a lot of moves in the air but nothing that involved contact. 

Jake had full contact but it was all beginner level stuff. The instructor would teach the move, demonstrate it, the kids would practice it, and then perform it on another person posing as an attacker. 

Lexi's age group was a mix of the two types of classes her brothers were taking.

Ali stayed close to Samuel and as Ashlyn promised she remained with Lexi the whole time. Lexi did ok with the non-contact moves but once an instructor tried to get her to perform them on another person she would shy away.

Ashlyn watched the instructor try to convince her to give it a try. She watched as her daughter's nerves multiplied. It was time for her to step in. 

"Excuse me, I'm her mom. Do you mind if I do the moves with her? She gets a little anxious sometimes." Ashlyn asked.

"Sure." The man took a liking to Ashlyn. He thought he might have a chance with her.

"What do I need to do?" Ashlyn asked. 

The man put his hands on Ashlyn's hips to position her. She didn't like that he did it without warning her but she figured it wasn't a big deal. She was always extra sensitive to things like that and she didn't want to alarm her daughter. She decided to go with it.

He was a little too touchy during his demonstration and for the rest of Lexi's class, but Ashlyn didn't say anything. After the class the man, who was in his early 20's, decided to pursue a conversation with Ashlyn.

"Hey, my name's Matt." He introduced himself and stuck out his hand.

Ashlyn shook it. "I'm Ashlyn." 

"You were pretty good." Matt put a hand on Ashlyn's shoulder. 

"Thanks." Ashlyn was uncomfortable, but again decided not to show it because of her daughter.

"You've got some nice moves." That was the line the guy had been waiting to say all night.

Ashlyn was done. She removed the man's hand and told him what she thought of his 'moves.'

"Are you really hitting on me in front of my daughter?" Ashlyn was done with being nice. She didn't want to make her daughter anxious. However, she also didn't want her daughter to think that it was ok to let a man treat her poorly and not say anything because she's trying to be polite.

"Hey, come on. With that body I can tell you work out. We can hit the gym together sometime." Matt was a jerk.

Jacob heard the man comment on his mother's body as he approached them after his class. He was not impressed.

"What did you just say?" Jacob was ready to use his new karate moves to protect his mom.

"Jacob, I've got this. Take your sister and find your mom and brother." Ashlyn gave Jake her best 'mom look' and he backed off.

"Fine." He took Lexi's hand and then turned toward Matt. "I'm watching you!" 

"Jake, go!" Ashlyn didn't want her son getting into trouble over some kid she knew was harmless.

"So, now that you're daughter's gone..." Matt was about to try another line on her before he was interrupted.

"Dude, are you for real?" Ashlyn was annoyed. "I should have put you in your place when you first touched me."

"Hey, what did I do?" Matt is a moron.

"I'm gonna give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you're ignorant about how to treat people with respect. So, I'll leave you with one piece of advice. Don't hit on women where you work, especially when you're teaching little children about defending themselves against potential predators." 

Ashlyn saw that the rest of her family was on their way over to her so she ended the conversation and left with them.

...

The next morning Ali and Ash got their kids off to school successfully and decided to take Monster for a walk around the neighborhood. 

Ashlyn had Monster's leash in one hand and held hands with her wife with other. The season was over and they had a little down time before the next national team camp. They were thankful for little moments like this where they could relax and enjoy one another's company.

"Jacob told me something very interesting about you on our way to his school this morning." Ali said.

"Oh yeah, what did he say?" Ashlyn replied.

"He told me that last night one of the instructors commented on your body. And that he wanted to karate chop his face off." Ali laughed. "Those were his exact words." 

Ashlyn loved her protective son. "Some guy was a little too friendly. But he wasn't a threat. No need to karate chop any faces off."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"It wasn't a big deal. It was a harmless kid. I kept quiet about it because of the children. I just hadn't gotten around to telling you yet." Ashlyn meant to tell her. She just forgot.

"Do we need to change dojos?" Ali didn't want her children or wife being anywhere near someone who might be a threat.

"No, it's fine. But maybe we should talk to the guy's boss. I think with that kind of work you would want to encourage your staff to be extra careful and respectful." Ash answered.

"Promise me if he does anything like that again you'll karate chop his face off!" Ali joked but was also kinda serious.

"Whatever you say, Babe."

...

Both women picked up Samuel from his half-day pre-K class. Sam and Joey ran to them. Annie followed behind with a huge smile on her face.

"Hey there, stranger!" Ali gave Annie a hug while Ashlyn wrangled up the boys.

"I feel like we haven't seen your family in ages." Annie said. She looked great. She seemed really happy to be able to live fearlessly. 

"We've missed you guys! You should come over for lunch." Ali said. The women continued to make plans while Ashlyn caught up with the boys.

"What did you boys learn about today?" She asked.

"We learned about colors." Sam rolled his eyes and started to do his own version of the chicken dance.

Joey answered Ashlyn with excitement. "We painted! Sam knew all the colors. He's the smartest in our school."

"Wow! Painting sounds like fun." Ashlyn pulled her dancing boy towards her. "What did you two paint?" 

"I painted Monster!" Sam said and then he growled at his Mama.

"I'll bet he'll love to see it when we get home. How about you Joey? What did you paint?" Ashlyn held Sam tight in one arm to make sure he stayed part of the conversation.

"I made my family." Joey pulled out the paper from his backpack and showed Ashlyn his masterpiece. 

Joey explained that he had painted a picture of him and his mom as well as the entire Krieger-Harris clan. The picture brought Ashlyn to tears.

"This is beautiful, Joey! I love it." Ashlyn gave the boy a hug. When Sam saw his Mama give Joey praise he decided he wanted in on the love too. He pulled out his picture and showed Ashlyn. She gushed over the beautiful blobs that were supposed to be his dog. 

"Bam, I love it! You both are so talented." She gave them both kisses and then they joined Ali and Annie.

"Sweetheart, I invited them over for lunch." Ali informed Ashlyn. Sam and Joey gave each other high fives and held each other's hands to the parking lot. The boys were excited to spend more time with each other.

...

Ashlyn fell asleep in her favorite recliner with both Sam and Joey sharing her lap. Ali and Annie took in the adorable moment and decided to let the three sleep. Ali invited Annie to stay and have a cup of coffee in the back yard so they could talk without waking up their three sleepy heads.

"Annie, how are things? I'm sure everything has changed for you and Joey." Ali wanted to know all the gossip about her friend.

"It really has. I feel like I'm in a dream. I honestly miss my husband, or at least who my husband used to be, but being able to have freedom and not be afraid everyday is amazing." Annie took a sip of her coffee.

"Ash and I are so happy for you!" Ali couldn't help it, she had to give her friend a hug. 

"I could never thank you two enough. I feel like you took such a risk on me and Joey. Not many people would be willing to do that." 

"I don't know if Ashlyn ever told you, but the first day of school we met your husband. Ashlyn knew right away that he couldn't be trusted. I was clueless. He seemed perfectly nice to me." Ali thought back on that day and how she scoffed at her wife's over-protective behavior. Ashlyn's surmise of the situation was right on.

"He knows how to manipulate people to think what he wants them to think. I'm just thankful that part of Joey and my life is over."

"Amen to that!"

Annie changed the subject. She wanted to get the gossip about her friend too. "So Joey said something about Jacob surfing and getting rescued by a lifeguard. It was hard to put it all together but he said Sammy told him something about that."

"Oh, yes. My sweet Jacob almost drowned when we visited my brother in California. He went surfing with Ashlyn and got pulled under. It was horrible. My knight in shining armor saved the day, though. She swam out and brought him in. The lifeguard did CPR but he wouldn't have had a chance if it wasn't for Ashlyn." Ali looked in through the glass door and saw her wife holding onto both of the small boys on her lap. She felt a thankful smile form on her lips.

Annie spotted the look of love on her friend. She couldn't help but smile either. "It's a good thing she was there." Her comment pulled Ali out of the spell she was under.

"Hmm?"

"I said it was a good thing Ashlyn was there." Annie repeated.

"Yeah, she's always around when you need her. She's pretty amazing, actually." Ali's face filled with blush when she realized how sappy she sounded. "I'm sorry. I'm so embarrassed. I guess I sometimes forget how blessed I am."

"You are blessed. But so is she." Annie had nothing but love for the Krieger-Harris family. She wished only good things for them and hoped that she would someday be able to repay them for all that they've done for her and her son.

...

Ashlyn was woken up by her cellphone. She tried to carefully dig the phone from her pocket without waking up the boys she was holding. Sam smacked her in the face, but stayed asleep. Joey woke up as soon as he felt her move.

"Sorry Joey." Ashlyn whispered. She showed him her phone and he laid his head back down. "Hello?" Ash answered. 

"Is this Mrs. Krieger-Harris?"

"Yes." 

"We need you or another parent or guardian of Alexandra Krieger-Harris to pick her up. She has been suspended for fighting."

"What? Who is this?" Ashlyn sat up straight in the recliner and Joey was startled awake again. "Sorry, buddy." Ash whispered.

"Sorry, this is Mr. Johnson. I'm the principal at your daughter's school. I can give you more information about what happened once you get here." 

"Uh, ok." Ashlyn didn't really know what to say in a situation like this. She wished Ali was the one that got this call instead of her.

"The other child involved has also been suspended and his mother is on her way. We'll see you soon."

"Ok. Bye." Ashlyn felt like she was the one in trouble. She hated school when she was Lexi's age. 

She was usually hungry and got teased for her clothes. She often got into trouble for sleeping in class or joking around. She was always tired because of problems at home and she was always trying to get people to like her instead of make fun of her. She hated that her daughter was now experiencing the principle's office too.

Ashlyn stood up and carefully put the boys down on the couch to continue their naps. She was worried about her daughter and dreaded having to deal with an upset Ali. She knew she would get the blame for one of their children fighting. It was her idea to teach them karate.

"Babe, can I talk to you for a minute?" Ash stuck her head through the opened sliding door.

"Sure." Ali gave her a confused look and told Annie she would be right back.

Ash made sure to get to the kitchen before saying anything. She didn't want the boys to overhear. Just in case Ali got upset.

"Lexi's school called. She's suspended for fighting. We have to go pick her up and talk to the principal." Ashlyn looked like she was the one who did something wrong.

"What's the story? Who did she fight with and why were they fighting?" Ali asked the real questions. She was in super mom mode and wasn't going to let anyone suspend her daughter unless she deserved it.

"I don't know. Mr. Johnson didn't say." 

"You didn't ask?" Ali couldn't believe that her wife didn't think to get the details.

"I didn't...no." Ash was scared her wife was gonna flip out on her. But it turned out Ali kept her cool.

"Well, we need to find out. You know our Lexi-girl. She would never fight someone. I think there had to be a reason." Ali took her wife's hand and pulled her to Annie.

"Would you be able to stay here with Sam so that we can clear things up at Lexi's school?" Ali asked. She didn't want either one of them to go alone. She knew neither parent would handle staying home well. They would both worry too much. 

"Yeah sure. Is everything ok?" Annie asked.

"Lex got in trouble for fighting. We have to pick her up." All answered.

"Lexi got in trouble! I don't believe it." Annie knew Lex was a good girl. She hated any kind of confrontation. There was no way she would ever try to hurt anyone.

"Exactly! Someone is trying to blame my baby for something that I know she would never do!" Ali was ready to roll. "Let's go, Ash!" She grabbed her wife's hand and pulled her to the front door. She was done talking about it. She was gonna do something about it.

Ashlyn was a little bit scared. Her wife had that look in her eye that told her someone was going to hear about their incompetency and stupidity. She knew she had to tread carefully.

...

The women looked for the administrative office and saw their little girl in tears. She looked so small sitting in one of the chairs lined against the office wall. There was a woman sitting a few chairs away from Lex. She was holding the hand of a boy who had a bloody nose and lip.

Ashlyn went straight for Lexi. Ali headed towards the secretary. 

"I need to speak with the Principal." Ali was focused on setting things straight. She knew Ashlyn would take care of Lexi's immediate need for comfort. She wanted to make sure someone explained what happened to her.

The secretary was very understanding of Ali's frustration. She assured her she would be filled in as soon as possible.

Ali let out a breath and realized that maybe she was overreacting. She checked on her daughter and saw that Ashlyn had taken her seat and pulled her into her lap. Lexi's face was hidden in her wife's neck.

Ali knelt down in front of her daughter and held her hand. "Baby, can you tell me what happened?" 

Lexi refused to turn her head towards her mom. She wasn't afraid of her mom, she was afraid of the boy and his mother sitting next to them. 

"Babe." Ash shook her head and then nodded toward the woman and her son. Ali got the message. 

Ali stood up and told the secretary they were going out to the hall for a minute. She promised to come right back.

Once the three had some privacy Ali asked her daughter again. "Lexi, what happened?" Lex held on tight to Ashlyn's neck and started to cry.

Between tears and sniffles she finally shared what happened. "I didn't want to fight. He pushed me down and when I got up he pushed me again. I asked him to stop, Mommy. But he wouldn't. He bent down and made fun of me and I kicked him. I didn't mean to hurt him. I was scared." The little girl started crying harder.

"Did anyone else see this happen?" Ali asked. She believed her daughter 100% but knew a witness is what would get her out of trouble.

"Yeah." Lexi said sadly. She used her hand to wipe her eyes.

"Who, baby?" Ali put her hand on the side of Lexi's face and tried to calm her down.

"A lot of other kids." 

"Did you tell the principal?" Ali asked.

"No. I was scared."

Ashlyn spoke up. "Princess, you don't need to be scared. You have every right to be heard and every right to stand up for yourself." 

The parents had always taught their daughter that her voice counted and that she was important, but the way the school had handled the fight didn't make her feel that was true. She was afraid. 

...

After a 30 minute meeting with the principal and the boy and his mother, it was determined that Lexi was not at fault in any way. The boy took full responsibility once Lexi spoke up. She needed the support of Ashlyn holding her tight and Ali encouraging her but she finally told the truth.

After the whole ordeal Ashlyn suggested that they pick up ice cream for the family on the way to Jacob's school. 

Ali later confessed that she was happy Ashlyn suggested that their children take a self-defense class. She didn't want to think about what would've happened to their timid daughter if she didn't know ahead of time what to do against a bully.

The next day when the family went to the dojo for the children's classes, Ashlyn decided to be an example to her daughter and to speak up about the instructor who had been disrespectful to her. She knew that he was harmless, but if she didn't address it the situation might not be harmless to her daughter. 

She wanted Lexi to know the importance of speaking up and being given respect.


	87. First and Last

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. This is a flashback chapter.
> 
> 2\. This chapter contains a prompt request. Thank you for the great idea. I hope you like it.

FLASHBACK

"Hey Whit, has Ash said anything, I mean about me, lately?" Ali had pulled her girlfriend's best friend aside at breakfast.

Ashlyn and Ali had made things official two months before and they had only seen each other a few times during that time because Ali played and lived in Germany. Ali had gotten excited when she saw both their names on the national team call-up list for camp. She was ready to show Ashlyn how much she loved her.

The first night of camp Ali and Ashlyn went out for a long awaited date. Ali had arranged things with her roommate to give them some privacy that evening, but when things started heating up Ashlyn put on the brakes. Ali thought that maybe she was the problem. She wondered why Ashlyn wouldn't want to get intimate with her.

"What do you mean?" Whit had heard Ashlyn talk about Ali constantly. She needed Ali to be more specific.

"Um..." Ali didn't want to talk to someone else about her non-existent sex life, but she didn't know what else to do. "It's just I was wondering if maybe Ashlyn told you about last night."

"She told me you guys had a great time." Whitney winked and made it seem like Ali should know what she was talking about.

"What exactly did she tell you?" 

"She didn't tell me much. But I know you guys went to your room afterward so..." Whit left it at that. 

However, Ali wasn't willing to leave it at that. "Whitney, what did she tell you?"

Whitney caught on to Ali's tone. She didn't want to get her best friend in trouble. She couldn't understand why Ali seemed upset.

"Honestly, she just said that you went out to dinner, went for a moon-lit walk and then went back to your room. I mean I assume more happened, but she didn't say that. She wasn't disrespectful or anything." Whit thought that maybe Ali thought Ashlyn had bragged about her sexual activities. She didn't want Ali to think Ashlyn would ever disrespect her like that.

"That's not what I was worried about." Ali's eyes started to water.

"Oh my gosh! Ali are you ok? I'll get Ashlyn." Whitney said. Ali grabbed her arm before she could leave.

"No! Please don't tell Ashlyn."

"Ok."

"It's just...every time I try to get intimate with her she pulls away from me. Every single time."

"What?" Whitney and Ashlyn didn't really talk about Ash's sex life. People would assume things but Whit knew it was all just rumors. She never thought that maybe there was more to it.

"We've been dating for two months. I know that that's not long, especially since we live in other countries but I feel like we are so much farther along than a two month relationship. I can't understand why she doesn't want to be with me."

"I'm sure that's not true, Ali."

"Then what else could it be? Has she ever talked to you about her other girlfriends?" Ali stopped herself. "Ugh, never mind! I don't want to know." Ali was frustrated and wanted answers but she couldn't handle information about her girlfriend's past sexual experiences.

"Actually Ali, she's never told me anything about her past in regards to that." 

"Really? I figured if she would tell anyone it would be you." Ali was shocked.

"I think you should talk to her. That's the only way you're gonna get the answers that you're looking for." Whitney hugged Ali and went back to finish her breakfast.

Ali found Ashlyn at a table with HAO and Tobin. "Hey beautiful!" Ashlyn greeted Ali with a kiss.

"Hey." Ali quietly answered back. She couldn't hide her disappointment and insecurities from the night before.

Ashlyn noticed. She forced a smile and waited until Ali sat down and HAO started telling a loud and animated story. She leaned into Ali's ear and whispered. "Is everything ok?"

Ali took a bite of her breakfast sandwich and gave Ash a fake smile and nodded. She didn't want to talk about it. Ashlyn could tell she was upset but she didn't want to push it. She put her hand on Ali's thigh and pretended to listen to HAO's story. All the while worrying about her unhappy girlfriend.

...

Ashlyn tried to corner her girlfriend for the next two days. Ali always came up with an excuse about why she couldn't talk or hang out with her. She was starting to really hurt Ashlyn's feelings. Ashlyn was clueless about what was causing Ali's strange behavior. 

She finally decided that if Ali didn't want to talk then she would stop trying.

...

There was one day left of camp until the team took a two week break and then came back together for the Algarve tournament.

Ashlyn's heart was broken and Ali was trying not to notice. During one of the practices Ali saw her girlfriend sitting alone on the grass behind the goal. The rest of the keepers had gone to the locker room to change. 

Ali watched as Ashlyn stared at a piece of grass between her fingers. She looked like someone had just punched her in the stomach. Ali couldn't ignore her anymore.

Ali sat down next to her. She put her head on her shoulder. "I'm sorry I ruined our time together." Ali said.

Ashlyn didn't say anything.

"Ash?"

"I didn't make the cut." Ashlyn said and tore the blade of grass in half.

"What?" That wasn't the response Ali was expecting.

"I'm not going to Algarve. I won't be seeing you again for at least another month." Ashlyn's heart really was breaking. Ali had ignored her all week and now that she was finally giving her the time of day, they only had a short time left.

"Ash, I'm sorry."

Ashlyn shrugged. She still stared at the grass in her hands. Ali knew she deserved for Ash to give her the cold shoulder, but she couldn't take it.

"Ash, why did you pull away from me our first night here?"

"What?"

"After our date. In my room. I was ready to take the next step with you, but you pulled away." Ali finally found the courage to share her heart.

Ashlyn remained quiet.

"Ash? You have to talk to me! Why didn't you want to be with me?" Ali was getting upset. She viewed Ashlyn's silence as an unwillingness to talk to her but it was much more than that. 

"Ashlyn! How are we ever going to make this work if you don't talk to me?"

Still no response from Ashlyn.

"Look, I'll take responsibility for this week. But this one is all on you! Maybe by next month you'll figure out how to talk to me!" Ali stood up and left Ashlyn alone. Sitting there in the grass of an empty soccer field, Ash felt like she was truly all alone.

...

That night at dinner Ali looked for her girlfriend. Ashlyn never came. Ali had a worried thought in the back of her mind that Ash left without saying goodbye.

Ali found Ashlyn's roommate, Alex, and asked her about Ashlyn's whereabouts. 

"Have you seen Ash?" Ali asked.

"I wondered when you would finally ask." Alex didn't know much. But she knew Ash didn't make the cut and was heartbroken. She offered to stay with her in their room but Ashlyn said she wanted to be alone.

"I guess I should've asked sooner. We kinda got into a fight earlier. Is she okay?" Ali felt terrible. She let her anger get the best of her.

"Not really." Alex said. She pulled out her room card key and handed it to Ali. "Here, text me when it's okay to come back."

Ali thanked her and hurried to find her girlfriend.

...

Ashlyn heard a knock on her door. She was lying on her bed in complete darkness. She decided to ignore the knocking.

Ali waited a few moments and then tried again. 

No answer.

She finally decided to use the card Alex gave her. She opened the door slowly and by the light from the hallway she saw Ashlyn's figure stretched out on her bed. She had a pillow covering her face and her arms covering the pillow. 

Ali whispered. "Are you awake?"

Ashlyn let out a loud sigh.

"Unfortunately...What do you want?" Ashlyn didn't want to talk and that response apparently wasn't acceptable to Ali.

"I wanted to talk to you."

Ashlyn felt the bed sink. Ali had taken a seat next to her.

"Well, I haven't figured out how to talk yet so maybe you shouldn't waste your time on me anymore." Ashlyn sounded angry and hurt all in one.

"Ashlyn, please." Ali was desperate to make things right. She couldn't leave things like this. She didn't know when the next time she would have a chance to see the woman she loved.

"Ali, you just don't understand."

Ali wanted to get upset by Ashlyn's explanation but she bit her tongue and gave her brain enough time to catch up. 

She calmly asked. "What don't I understand?" Ali placed a hand on Ashlyn's arm.

"I'm not like you. It's hard for me to say what I'm feeling."

"Okay, well we've talked about this before. You know you can trust me and that I love you."

"It's not that simple." Ashlyn was angry with herself for being so broken. She wished she could just open up. She wished she could tell Ali why she had been dragging her feet to take the next step with her. But it was too painful. She didn't want to ruin things.

"Ashlyn, I'm sorry if I've rushed you or made it hard on you. I just want to love you and show you how much I love you. I don't want to hold anything back from you. You deserve all of me and that's what I want to give you." Ali decided she wouldn't push. "But we can go slow...if that's what you want. Whatever you want."

Ashlyn uncovered her face and revealed to her girlfriend her tear stained cheeks. Ali pulled her up in a hug and held her without words, until she was ready to talk. 

"Ali, I don't want to hurt you."

"What do you mean, Baby?" Ali leaned against the headboard and pulled Ashlyn back to lay against her. She held her tight from behind.

"I mean, with sex." Ashlyn was close, but it was still hard for her to say. She took a breath and closed her eyes. "With sex, it's only ever been painful for me. I don't want to disappoint you or hurt you."

It hit Ali like a rock. How could she have been so blind? Her girlfriend had been honest to her about her past, she never went into detail, but she knew. 

She knew. 

Ali felt a dark cloud cover her. Ashlyn was trying to protect her from her past. Ali had pushed her too hard and then pulled away when she didn't respond the way she wanted. 

"Ash...I..." Ali had no words of comfort. She was speechless. She didn't know what to say or do. She just held her a little tighter.

"It's not your fault. I'm messed up." Ashlyn took all of the blame.

Ali had to say something now. "You are not messed up! You're beautiful! You're strong! You're the best thing that's ever happened to me!"

"But I don't even know how to love you right!" Ashlyn tried to cover her face with her hands. She was so ashamed of who she was. Ali let go of her and moved so that they were facing each other. She removed Ashlyn's hands and carefully moved in to kiss her.

"Ashlyn, I'll wait for you. Whatever you need. You're not messed up. I'm the one who doesn't know how to love you right. I'm still learning. Please be patient with me." 

Ali flipped Ashlyn's perspective around. She gave her permission to be cautious. She gave her permission to go at her own pace without feeling guilty.

"I don't know what to say." Ashlyn looked up and met Ali's eyes.

"You don't have to say anything." Ali was beginning to learn that pushing Ashlyn was never going to pull her out of the shelter she had built to protect and hide the damage left by careless and cruel people in her past.

"I'm sorry, Ali. I don't know what to do." Ashlyn leaned into her best friend and began to kiss her neck. Ali moved her head to the side to give her more access.

Ali wanted to take matters into her own hands but she didn't want to push. She put her hands on Ashlyn's waist trying to steady herself. It took everything in her to keep from advancing the situation.

Ashlyn stopped kissing and Ali's heart stopped. She was hoping things would move forward. Ashlyn put her face in Ali's chest and held her close. Ali felt her shirt become wet with Ashlyn's tears. She was about to stop everything. She didn't want to hurt Ashlyn.

Before Ali could end things Ashlyn slid her hands underneath the back of Ali's shirt. She lifted her head up and looked into her girlfriend's eyes. 

"Is this okay?" Ashlyn asked. 

Ali nodded. 

Ashlyn had her permission a long time ago.

Ash laid Ali down carefully and took her time kissing her gently. She had to stop every now and then to catch her breath. Ali couldn't imagine the complicated feelings Ashlyn was working through. She could only keep a hold of her and try to let her know that it was okay. Whatever pace, or however far Ashlyn wanted to go was fine with her.

"I don't want to hurt you." Ashlyn said. She had her hand on Ali's stomach and was working her way down.

"You won't hurt me, Baby." Ali put her own hand on top of Ashlyn's and led her down to her underwear. Ashlyn stopped. Ali felt her shaking. 

"It's okay, Ash. We can stop."

"I don't want to stop." Ashlyn was on the brink of tears. 

"Hey, look at me. It's okay. We don't have to do it all in one night." Ali gave her a sincere smile and pulled her in for a kiss. 

Ali had an idea. She stopped their kissing for a brief moment and took off her shirt. She looked at her girlfriend and asked. "Is this okay?" 

Ashlyn shook her head. She was definitely into seeing more of that. 

"How about this?" Ali took off her bra.

"Yeah, that's good." Ash's attention was no longer on her insecurities. They were 100% focused on her girlfriend. 

Ali put her hands on Ashlyn's waist and tugged on the hem of her shirt. 

"How about this? Can I take this off?" Ali asked. Ash gave her permission. 

Ali pulled Ashlyn's shirt off and took in her beauty. 

"You can take it all off, if you want." 

"Are you sure?" Ali asked.

"Yes." Ashlyn was ready. She had a burning in her that was building. She needed Ali.

Ali smiled and gave her a gentle peck on the lips. Ash put her arms up and let Ali take her sports bra off. Ali began to kiss Ashlyn's chest.

"Alex." Ashlyn breathed out.

Ali stopped immediately. "What's wrong? I can stop."

"No. I don't want you to stop. I want you to show me. Show me how to do it. Show me how to make love." 

Ali's eyes began to water. That's all she wanted. She wanted to show Ashlyn how much she loved her. She wanted Ashlyn to know that everything Ali was and is and ever will be belonged to her.

"Okay." Ali kissed her and whispered. "I love you. Baby, I will always love you."

Ali showed Ashlyn. And then Ashlyn told Ali that she was ready to show her how much she loved her.

Ali waited until the next morning to tell Ashlyn that it was her first time with another woman. They were both each others first. And they would be each others last too.


	88. MANdate (Part One)

"The MANdate" 

Rule #1. Thou shalt eat meat.  
Rule #2. Thou shalt become one with nature.  
Rule #3. Thou shalt not shave.  
Rule #4. Thou shalt not tuck in your shirt.

These were the rules of MANdate. 

Ali's Dad discussed these rules at length with his two grandsons. He told them that they would spend time together and call it MANdates. During these times they would learn what it really means to be a man.

The rules were more for the boys. "Guys need stuff to grunt about sometimes." Ali's dad explained. "I'll take them out on hikes and we'll get really smelly and talk about important stuff."

Ashlyn loved the idea. Ali didn't understand why they had to get smelly but she trusted her father so she let it go. 

"Thank you, Daddy. I'll have them ready to go at 9 tomorrow morning." Ali gave her Dad a kiss on the cheek and a hug. 

"Thanks, Pop." Ashlyn gave her father-in-law a hug and excused herself to put Sam-Bam to bed. He had a long day ahead of him and Ash wanted to make sure he didn't get cranky for his Grandpa.

"I know Jacob is excited about tomorrow. He really loves spending time with you." Ali was incredibly thankful for her father's commitment to her children. He was a faithful presence for them. She knew how important he was to all of them.

"Jake is my buddy. That's for sure." Ken smiled thinking back on all the time they've spent together. They can bond over almost anything. "I'll see you tomorrow morning, princess." 

Ken gave his daughter a kiss on the forehead and told her to give Ashlyn his love.

Ali promised to have the boys fed and ready for a great day with their Grandpa. 

...

"Mama, why can't you go too?" Sam asked. Ashlyn had been bragging about all the fun he was going to have tomorrow with his big brother and Grandpa. 

Ash and Ali had planned to surprise Sam with Joey's presence tomorrow. They knew he was going to have a great time. Ashlyn tried to convince the boy that he needed to sleep so that he can have as much fun as possible. 

The boy didn't want his Mama to miss out on all the fun.

"Bam, it's MANdate time. No girls allowed." Ash answered.

"That's not fair!" Sam was getting all worked up. He didn't think his Mama, his best friend, should have to miss out. 

"It is fair. It's a special time for you, Grandpa, and Jake to have fun. Besides, after lunch he's bringing you back here so that we can have our own special time together."

"We have special time too, Mama?" Sam was happy that his Mama didn't forget about him.

"Oh yeah, Bam! Any time I spend with you is special." Ashlyn attacked his belly with tickles. She was not helping her cause in trying to get the boy to settle down and sleep, but she couldn't help it. Playing with her boy was one of her favorite things to do.

"Mama, you take care of Monster while I'm gone?" Sam was worried about his other best friend, too.

"I'll take good care of him." Ashlyn cleared a spot on Sam's bed by picking up Monster and sitting against his headboard. She let Sam crawl into her arms and held both him and his dog.

Ash asked, "So Bam, what do you recommend I do to make Monster feel happy tomorrow? I know he'll miss you. I want to make sure I do a good job. What should I do?"

"Ummm." Sam put his finger on his chin and thought really hard. He wanted to make sure his mom knew how to take care of his puppy right. 

"Give him water and food. And a treat when he goes potty outside." The boy scrunched his forehead and concentrated. "You have to play with him. He likes to fetch and chase and dig for bugs." He was proud of himself for remembering all the right things to do.

"What about taking him for a walk?" Ashlyn already knew the answer.

"Oh yeah!" Sam bonked himself on the head with his palm. "I forgot. He likes to go for a walk."

"Don't worry, my man. I'll take good care of him." Ashlyn assured her son that his dog was in good hands.

He snuggled into his Mama and prepared himself to have happy dreams about his puppy.

...

Ali had tucked in both of her older kids and was waiting for her wife to come to bed. She knew Sam can take a while to settle down, especially when Ashlyn is the one to do his night time routine. But tonight it was getting ridiculous. 

After a while Ali looked at her nightstand clock and saw that it was almost midnight. Her baby should be asleep by now. His bedtime is 8:30, meaning Ashlyn had been 'tucking him in' for over 3 hours. Ashlyn knew he had a big day tomorrow and needed his rest. She was about to get into some serious trouble.

Ali tore off the covers she was under and stormed to Sam's room ready to lay down the Krieger-Harris household law. When she peeked into her youngest's room she lost all of her resolve and let her heart melt.

Ashlyn, Samuel, and Monster were all sound asleep. Ali would have let them sleep but she always missed her wife when she didn't sleep in the same bed with her.

Ali leaned over her wife and placed a kiss on her cheek. She whispered quietly into her ear. "Baby, come to bed."

Ashlyn started to stir a little. Ali put a hand on her shoulder to make sure she didn't moved too much and wake up their son.

"Sweetheart, shhh." Ali used her hand to sweep away a few of her wife's stray hairs. Ashlyn opened her eyes. "Hi there, sleepy head." Ali gave her wife a smile.

"Hey." Ashlyn was a woman of few words when she was half-asleep.

"Come to bed." Ali leaned in to place another kiss on her wife's face.

"Ok." Ashlyn started to sit up so Ali adjusted Sam and Monster allowing her to slide out from underneath them. The dog woke up and immediately licked Ashlyn's arm as she worked her way gently off the bed. 

Ashlyn bent down and gave Monster a kiss and head rub. The dog instinctively turned on his back and exposed his belly. Ash smiled and scratched him up and down his belly before Ali finally encouraged her to go to bed.

"Ash, come on. I want to cuddle." Ali whined and grabbed Ash by the waist and pulled her away from the cute puppy. Ashlyn was practically sleep walking. She didn't put up a fight. She let her wife lead her back to their room.

Ashlyn climbed into bed and took her usual spot. Ali laid her head on her wife's shoulder and kissed her jaw before wrapping an arm around her waist and getting as close to her as possible.

Mission accomplished for Ali. Now she could get some much needed sleep.

...

 

The next morning when Annie brought Joey over at 8:30am to have breakfast with the family, Sam went crazy.

"Joey!" He ran to his friend and gave him a hug. He released him and put an arm around his friend's shoulder. "What are you doing here, Joey?"

"My mommy brought me." Joey said.

"I'm glad she brought you, Joey." Sam was ready to have some fun.

Ashlyn explained to the boys that they weren't just going to have breakfast together, they were going to spend the day having fun with Grandpa Ken. The kids couldn't contain their excitement.

Ali's dad arrived a few minutes before 9am. Ashlyn put Joey's car seat in his SUV and made sure Sam's was ready for him too. Ken had car seats for both of his youngest grandkids. He didn't mess around when it came to their safety.

"You're all set. Do you need help with anything?" Ashlyn asked her father-in-law.

"Actually, yeah. I was thinking we could leave our camping stuff here and then load it up when Jake and I drop off the little ones." Ken had an overnight hike and camping trip planned for him and his oldest grandson.

"Jake, come help me and Gramps move some stuff!" Ash called out to her big strong teenager for some help.

The three of them moved the gear, including a kayak, to the garage for safe storage until later. After unloading all the stuff Jacob was getting excited for his epic day with his Grandpa.

...

The boys left the lady-folk to tend to the homestead. Ashlyn kept her promise to her little boy and spent the morning diligently taking care of Monster. She made sure to include Lexi in her endeavor. She wanted her little girl to feel special too.

"Princess Lex, do you wanna take Monster for a walk with me?" Ash picked up her daughter and carried her bridal style around the house.

"Mama, Monster smells!" Lex was just like her Mommy.

"See!" Ali thought her daughter helped make her point. Unfortunately, no one knew what she was referring too.

"What are you talking about, woman?" Ash asked.

Ali was sitting and having coffee with Annie. She out of no where interrupted her wife and daughter.

"I was telling my dad last night that being smelly is not cool. Lexi agrees. That's all I was saying." Ali took a satisfied sip of her coffee and watched as everyone gave her a confused look.

"Ok. Whatever you say, babe."

Lexi did end up joining Ashlyn and the dog for a walk. Ash held on to her daughter's hand and let her do all of the talking.

"Mama, my teacher said I can be one of the dancers in the play." 

"What play is that, little princess?" 

"My ballet class is doing the nutcracker for Christmas." Lexi couldn't believe Ashlyn didn't already know that.

"Oh wow! That's the big time."

"Yeah, I guess." Lexi felt like a pro. She knew she could handle it.

"Uh, oh." Ash stopped. She pulled out a plastic bag from her pocket and picked up the left overs of a Monster poo.

"Gross!" Lexi pinched her nose. "Can we go home yet?" She was over walking the dog.

"Hold on. I promised Bammers I'd give him a treat if he used the potty outside." She made him sit and then put a treat on his nose. The dog easily flung the treat in the air and caught it in his mouth.

Ash saw that her daughter was disgusted. "What's wrong babe, you afraid of a little poop?" Ash waved the bag toward her.

"Mama, no!" Lexi was ready to run. Sam would've cracked up at that, Ash thought.

"It's ok, Lex. I'll keep it away from you. Just remember it's a good thing for him to go to the bathroom outside. Imagine if he pooped inside."

Lexi's eyes went wide and she looked horrified by the thought.

Ash laughed and turned around to go home.

...

Ali's dad took the boys to an indoor rock climbing wall. There was an easy wall for the little guys and an intermediate wall for Jacob. Jake and Ken took turns overseeing the younger boys once they got worn out. Ken was a master rock wall climber. Jacob thought his Grandpa was the coolest guy he'd ever met.

After all their climbing the boys were exhausted. The smallest two slept for the 30 minute drive to their next adventure. Once they saw what they were about to do both boys seemed to become recharged immediately.

Ken had taken the boys to race go carts. Jacob took Sam in his car and Ken had Joey. Both seats in the carts had steering wheels so the younger boys thought the were steering but really they weren't. 

They had a blast!

...

After a pizza party lunch Ken and Jacob dropped off the smaller boys at the house. As far as Jake was concerned this was when the real fun began.

"My babies are home!" Ali gave both her boys a big hug. 

"I'm not home for long." Jake was ready to go. He didn't mind hanging out with a couple of 4 year olds but he liked having his Grandpa all to himself.

"I know, Sweetheart. But is it my fault that I missed you two so much?" Ali said this in a overdramatic way. She was interrupted by a little hand pulling on her shirt hem.

"What about me?" Joey felt like part of the family and Ali needed to make a big deal over him too.

"Oh my goodness! I missed you so much, Joey!" Ali left her independent teenager and gave her love to someone who cared. She picked up Joey and spun him around. Joey giggled and felt like he was just as special as his friends.

Once Ashlyn and Ken finished up loading the camping gear and cooler of food Jake was ready to go. He gave Ali a kiss and promised to be safe and to think of her from time to time. Ashlyn put him in a headlock and told him she loved him and to have a great time. She kissed the side if his head before letting him go. 

Jacob didn't want to waste anymore time. He put his arm around his Grandpa and said, "Ready to go?" 

Ken loved how much his grandson cherished their time together. He was definitely ready too. 

The two oldest men of the family ventured out into the wilderness and prepared themselves for an epic trip.


	89. MANdate (Part Two)

"The MANdate" 

Rule #1. Thou shalt eat meat.  
Rule #2. Thou shalt become one with nature.  
Rule #3. Thou shalt not shave.  
Rule #4. Thou shalt not tuck in your shirt.

These were the rules of MANdate. 

...

"I used to bring your Uncle Kyle up here when he was your age." Ali's Dad was parking his SUV and explaining to his grandson what he was in for for the next 18 hours.

"These trees have heard a lot of secrets between the two of us."

Jacob looked around and wondered what the giant trees knew. He wanted to learn all he could from his grandfather, even if it meant listening to trees.

"We need to pack our stuff in the kayak. After we get all of our gear organized we're gonna head out to the other side of the river. We'll hike our way to a secluded spot by a waterfall and set up our tent there. After that we'll build a fire and grill up some steaks."

"Sounds great, Grandpa!" 

Ken explained how he packed all of the items. Everything was color coated in waterproof dry bags. There was a small cooler with the meat for dinner and breakfast food for the morning. His Grandpa stressed the importance of planning ahead and preparing to maximize their time, fun, and safety.

They kayaked to the other side of the river and Jake learned how to follow instructions and work as a team. He didn't realize that's what his Grandpa was teaching him, but he was learning the lesson well.

...

"Mama!" Samuel dove onto Ashlyn who was sitting in the grass of their backyard.

Joey tackled Sam and they both ended up knocking Ashlyn over. She was lying on her back and using both hands to wrestle with the boys and Monster.

Samuel got a little too excited and did a make-shift cannon ball into his Mama's stomach. Ashlyn made a loud groaning sound of pain.

Ali and Annie were inside having a makeover party with Lexi. Ali heard her wife cry out in pain and hurried to the glass doors to see what had happened. She saw her son kneeling down next to her face and hugging her head. 

She watched as Ashlyn brought her knees toward her stomach and rolled over so that her weight was mostly on her knees. She was face down in the grass with her butt sticking up in the air.

"I better go check on them." Ali told Annie and Lex. She went to her wife's side and immediately Sam started crying. The boy was afraid he was going to get in trouble and he thought he really hurt his Mama. His emotions were all over the place.

"Mommy, it was a accident!" Ali's blood pressure went through the roof.

"What happened?" Ali knelt down next to her wife and put a hand on her lower back. "Sweetheart are you ok?"

Ashlyn didn't speak. She grunted. Ali rubbed her back and put her own head down on the ground so that she could get a look at her wife's face.

"Ashlyn, are you ok?" Ali asked.

Ashlyn rolled over so that she was flat on her back. She had both arms crossed over her stomach.

She took a couple of long breaths and then answered her wife. "I'm fine. Just got the wind knocked out of me."

Ali relaxed immediately. She looked around at the scene and saw two dirty and sweaty boys who needed to calm down. She reached for Sam and asked him to tell her what happened.

"I jumped on Mama." Sam said.

"Why did you jump on Mama?" Ali asked.

"We were wrestling."

"I think it's time for us to take a break from wrestling." Ali looked at her mostly recovered wife and knew it was the right decision.

Ali let the boys play outside but told her wife to relax. Ashlyn often times got too reckless in her playtime with Sam. Sam's safety was never in question, it was always Ashlyn who took the brunt of it.

"Ash, I want you to try to take it easy please. Next week we have camp and you'll be mad at yourself if you get hurt playing with Sammy." 

Ali helped Ashlyn up and told her to go inside. She brought her a heating pad to put on her sore ab muscles and let her take a nap while she watched the kids.

...

Jacob and his Grandpa had hiked 4 miles and the end didn't seem to be anywhere in sight.

"Grandpa, how far away is camp?" Jake asked.

"Camp can be wherever we want it to be." Ken answered.

"Well, then why don't we just set up here? I'm tired and hungry!"

"We could stop and set up here." Ali's dad literally stopped walking and faced his grandson. "But if we stop here we won't have a water source and you can't survive without water."

"But Grandpa we brought our own water. It doesn't matter."

"It does matter. I'm teaching you how to be a man. Sometimes being a man means that you go the extra mile. Or you go 3 extra miles like in our case today."

"So you're purposely taking me on a super long hike to find water even though we don't need it?" Jacob is very smart. He learned a long time ago how to survive. His Grandpa wasn't trying to teach him to just survive he was trying to teach him how to thrive.

"I guess you could say that." Ken picked up his huge backpack and put his arms through the straps and started moving forward, leaving his grandson to try and figure out what the heck was going on in his Grandfather's head.

It was starting to get dark when they finally reached their destination. Jake was ready to eat and then to sleep.

"Look around and see if you can find some fire wood. I'll set up our tent." Ken handed the boy a flashlight and sent him out on his own to look for wood.

The longer it took for Jake to find wood, the darker it got. He was nervous. The woods was a very different environment for him. Every sound made him think there was a bear or mountain lion waiting behind a tree to eat him up. He heard something that sounded like footsteps approaching him.

"Grandpa?" Jake's voice was shaking.

"I'm right here." Ken could tell the boy was nervous. He shined his light so that Jacob could see him. "Careful where you step." Ken used his light to point to a slippery area. He didn't want to have to carry his grandson back to the kayak in the morning.

"Grandpa, are there bears in these woods?"

"Oh yeah. Lots of them." Ken said, like it was no big deal.

"Are you serious?" Jake hurried to his Grandfather's side and made sure to stay close to him. 

The duo arrived at their camp and Ken showed Jake how to start a fire. At first the boy was having a hard time.

"Can you just do it? I suck at it!" Jacob said. He was discouraged and feeling like a failure. He knew he was disappointing his Grandpa. 

"I can definitely do it and it would be nice to have a fire to keep the bears away and cook our food, but I'm not gonna do it for you. You can do it. Just keep doing what I told you to do." Ken wasn't gonna let the boy quit.

"But Grandpa it's hard! I can't do it! I don't want us to get eaten by a bear because of me!" 

"Jacob, if you give up then you're right, you can't do it. But if you don't give up then eventually you will do it." 

Ken put his hand on his grandson's shoulder and showed him one more time how to start a fire. He quickly put his own ember out and let Jacob take over.

"Now, try again. But this time relax. Go through the steps and make us a fire." Ken gave his grandson an encouraging pat on the back and watched him try 4 more times before finally finding success.

"Grandpa, I did it!" Jacob felt like he could do anything.

Ken blew lightly on the ember and allowed it to spread to the rest of the wood and kindling. After it was able to sustain itself Ken looked at his grandson and smiled.

"I told you you could do it."

"Thanks for not letting me give up." Jacob had learned another valuable lesson.

...

Ashlyn woke up to an empty house. She looked around from the recliner she was sitting in and the place looked spotless. She questioned if she was in the right house or not. She saw a note next to her cell phone on a nearby table. 

The note was from Ali.

"I thought you could use a break. We cleaned the house and I took the kids out for the rest of the day. I set up an appointment for a massage for you at the usual place. 

You are always giving of your time, energy, and sometimes even your body to entertain and love on our kids. I wanted you to know how much I appreciate you and love you. I'm so lucky to get to go through this life with you.

Love,  
Ali.

PS Don't even think about blowing off the massage. We have to pay whether or not you show up!

PSS I hope you don't sleep through your appointment.

PSSS I will still love you even if we lose money on the appointment because you were unconscious.

PSSSS But that's the only excuse I will accept."

Ashlyn couldn't help but smile. "I love that woman." She said quietly to herself.

Ash picked up her phone and called her wife.

"Hey Baby, you're up."Ali was happy to hear that her plan wasn't going to backfire.

"Where are you guys at?" Ash asked.

"Nope! I'm not telling you. I know you and you will try to find us. I need you to relax. Take a break."

"But I like being with the family." Ashlyn was just being honest. She loved the fact that she is literally living her childhood dreams by having a happy family.

"I know you do, but you're worn out. You need a break. It's only a couple of hours. You can put yourself first for a couple of hours. By the time you get home we'll all be there waiting for you. And I'll have your favorite lasagna ready too." Ali didn't want her wife to burn out. She needed to let herself relax. 

"Ok." Ash finally resigned to the fact that Ali would have it no other way.

"Ok? You're gonna do what I asked? No trying to get out of it?" Ali asked.

"No trying to get out of it. I promise." Ashlyn knew Ali wouldn't let up until she heard the word 'promise.' A promise from Ashlyn to Ali was like money in the bank.

"Ok. Thank you, sweetheart. Try to enjoy your massage. It's not torture, ya know?"

Ashlyn laughed. "I know. I'm sorry if I make it difficult for you to take care of me. I'll see you soon."

"Love you."

"Love you too."

Ashlyn was true to her word. She did everything her wife asked her to do. She even managed to enjoy it.

...

Jacob and his Grandfather were finishing up their dinner when Ken offered Jake a cup of coffee.

"You drink?" Ken held out the metal cup to Jake.

"I'm not allowed. Mom won't let me."

"Your Mom's not here."

Jacob perked up when he heard that. "Really? You'll let me?"

"Sure, it's not booze or anything. You probably won't like it anyway, but as it gets colder out tonight you'll be glad we've got the pot cooking." Ken handed him the cup. 

Jake drank it slowly. His  
Grandpa was right, he didn't like it. But the hot liquid felt good. It kept the cup warm, which kept his hands warm.

Ali's dad stretched his feet out towards the fire to keep warm. Jake followed his Grandpa's example.

They sipped their coffee in silence for awhile and took in the starry night's sky. Jake remembered what his Grandpa said earlier about the trees knowing his secrets. He wanted to know his Grandpa's secrets too.

"Why do you like this place so much, Grandpa?" Jake made it sound like he didn't like it but he actually did. He just wanted to know more about the man sitting across from him.

"I have a lot of strong memories here. It's a beautiful place, as you can see." Ken looked around at the nature that called to him when he was busy with life.

Ken continued. "It's really the people who I've brought here that make it special to me."

"Did you ever bring my Mom."

"A couple of times, but she wasn't really into the overnight stuff. That was more reserved for me and Kyle."

"Mom wouldn't like the sleeping on the ground and getting dirty side of camping." Jake laughed.

"Exactly! She's always been my princess. And that's ok with me."

Ken took a sip of his strong black coffee and cleared his throat. "I brought you up here to talk with you man to man. I want you to grow up to be the best man you can be."

"I know, Grandpa." Jake knew that they weren't just going camping.

"I used to bring your uncle here. I'd ask him about life. I'd ask him about how he was getting along with his sister-your mom. I'd even ask him about girls."

Jake was confused. He thought his uncle was gay.

"Have you ever heard someone be described as a 'man's man?'" Ken asked.

"I think so."

"It means someone who every man wants to be like because he fits a certain stereotype. He eats meat and likes to be outdoors. He can fix a car and likes sports. You know? That sort of thing." Ken wanted to make sure Jake understood before he continued.

"Yeah, I know what that means."

"Well, some people call me a 'man's man.' And apparently my son thought that he couldn't be honest with me because I would judge him based on what some people think a 'man' should be like." Ken was starting to get serious with his grandson.

Jacob listened carefully.

"I have often tried to figure out why my son would ever think that I wouldn't accept him for who he is. I hate that he ever felt that way. When Kyle finally told me that he wasn't interested in girls I had already known. I didn't care who he was attracted to. I only cared about him and that he was happy."

Jake wasn't sure why his grandfather was talking about all of this. He would soon find out.

"I want you to know that you can always be honest with me. My son thought that he had to hide the truth. I understand why. This world can be cruel. But you can always be honest with me. Most importantly be honest with yourself."

"I lied to my Mama the other day. About hitting Sam." Suddenly he felt guilty about his past sins.

"Did you come clean?" Ken asked.

"Yeah. That was when I got punished and couldn't play soccer with you."

"Men own up to their mistakes. That's part of being honest. Don't try to be someone you're not. Just be you. You're more than enough."

"Ok, Grandpa." Jacob had a question on his mind and he felt like he really wanted to know the answer to it. "Grandpa, were you disappointed in Uncle Kyle because he didn't tell you at first?"

"I wasn't disappointed. I understood. It wasn't easy for him and he went through a lot of other battles before he could face the truth. I'm telling ya people and their ignorant hatred can really hurt someone. Kyle was struggling and he constantly saw a world filled with people unwilling to love him." Ken had to take a break. He didn't want to lose it in front of his grandson.

Once he regained composure he finished his thought. "I believe being a real man, or woman for that matter, means that you do what's right, even if it means you're going against the crowd. My son should never have had to suffer some of the things he went through. He was struggling and people were too busy judging him to help him. I'd rather be a real man and help someone up when they've fallen, instead of push them down farther."

"So you don't think it's wrong that he's gay?" Jake asked.

Ken was shocked he even asked that question. "Of course not! It's a complicated thing. I wish he would've been honest with me and trusted me from the start, but maybe I added to his difficulty. I really don't know." 

"What about when Mom said she was gay? Were you disappointed?"

"Jacob, I hope you haven't misunderstood me. I want you to be honest with yourself and proud to be who you are...whoever that might be. At 14 years old you're just getting started to figure that stuff out. I simply want you to be confident in who you are and also confident in knowing that you're accepted."

"Ok, I think I get it."

"I could never be disappointed in your Mom. I've only ever been proud of my girl. And your Mama is the best thing that's ever happened to our family." Ken hoped Jacob understood.

"Ok. Well, I don't think I'm gay, Grandpa. But I'll let you know if I ever do." Jacob was back to being his old blunt self again.

"Sounds good." Ken was worn out. He's really not much of a talker but he makes an exception for his grandkids. "Why don't we get some shut eye. We've got a long walk in the morning."

The two poured out the rest of their coffee and called it a night. Jacob had a lot to think about.

...

Ashlyn returned home from her massage. She had to admit that her wife knew exactly what she needed. She didn't realize how tight and sore her muscles were until the masseuse got all the knots out.

"Hey Baby, how was it?" Ali greeted her immediately at the door. She had heard the garage door go up and knew her other half was finally home.

"It was amazing. Thank you. I really do feel better." Ashlyn gave her wife a kiss and promised to thank her more thoroughly once they had some privacy.

Ali gave Ashlyn a plate of her favorite lasagna with garlic bread and a salad. The rest of the family had already eaten and were unwinding in the living room watching Toy Story.

"Is it bad that I miss Jake?" Ali whined.

"I miss him too." Ash answered with a mouth full of food.

"It's hard to believe we got by for so long without him." Ali rested her head on Ashlyn's bicep and watched her eat. Ali was in a sentimental mood and Ashlyn could tell.

"Babe, he's ok. He's with your dad. They're probably learning how to kill a bear and use it's insides as a shelter to live in when it's freezing cold out."

"That's disgusting! How did you even think of something like that?" 

"It's from Star Wars. Seriously though, he's fine. Your Dad has taken this trip a million times." Ashlyn kissed the top of her wife's head and finished eating. 

Ali decided to go above and beyond the call of duty and put both little ones to bed so that Ashlyn's relaxing evening could be extended a little longer.

After the babies fell asleep, Ali was too tired for any form of intimacy that required a lot of energy. That was ok with Ashlyn. She held her tight and thanked her for everything by giving her a safe place to lay her head. 

...

The next morning everyone was excited to see Jake and Ali's Dad. The two arrived a little before lunch and looked exhausted. Jake went straight to bed.

"How was he, Dad?" Ali asked.

"He was great. He had a lot of tough questions." Ken answered.

"Our quiet teenager boy? Are you sure you took the right kid?" Ashlyn joked.

"We talked about some serious stuff. You'll have to ask him about it. Listen, I'm beat. I'll see all of you tomorrow at Lexi's soccer game." Ken gave both women a hug and kiss and left to take a shower and get some rest.

"Hmm." Ashlyn hummed.

"What?" Ali was curious about what her wife was thinking.

"Imagine that. Our son actually having a conversation. It's a miracle!" Ashlyn exaggerated. She kissed her wife and left Ali to wonder what the boy had talked about. 

She knew it would drive her crazy not knowing. But even if Jake would tell her she still had to wait for him to wake up.

This was going to be a long day for a certain overly curious mother.


	90. Moments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. This is a FLASHBACK chapter.
> 
> 2\. This chapter is a little different. It is made up of 5 separate flashback sections. As you read, imagine each section as it's own mini chapter or you might get confused. 
> 
> 3\. This chapter contains a prompt. As always, I'm so thankful for my readers and I appreciate your thoughts and ideas. I hope you enjoy.

FLASHBACK

"Ash, you should move out here. You could play and make a lot more money. Plus we'd be close enough to each other for me to hug you when you've had a bad day. I hate that you're always so far away from me."

Ashlyn definitely had had a bad day. She called Ali for a pep talk after re-injuring her knee in her first game back after a two week recovery for the first time she injured it.

"I hate that I have the worst luck! I'm bad luck. That's all there is to it." Ashlyn was feeling pretty sorry for herself.

"You don't have bad luck." Ali wanted to get her girlfriend in a more positive frame of mind, especially since she felt helpless to do anything else to help.

"Yes I do. I'm cursed!"

"Ashlyn Michelle, you are not cursed! I seem to remember someone telling me that they were the luckiest person in the world." Ali reminded Ashlyn of what she had said to her hundreds of times.

"Well yeah, that's when I'm with you. You change my luck for the better. When I'm on my own everything goes wrong." 

"So I'm like a rabbit's foot in this relationship?" Ali was trying to get her girlfriend to lighten up.

"No! Well, maybe kinda."

"What?" Ali wasn't pleased with that explanation.

"I just mean that things are better when you're around. The bad stuff doesn't seem as bad. Everything changes because of you."

Ashlyn heard her girlfriend start to get choked up. "Ash, I feel the same way about you." Ali said. She was trying to control her emotions enough to let Ashlyn know how much she loved her. "Baby, I really wish you were here." Ali didn't know what else to say. She just wanted the love of her life close to her.

"Me, too. But you know I can't leave my grandma and grandpa. They're getting older and they're the only family I have, besides my brother." Ashlyn felt she owed her grandparents a debt of gratitude that she could never repay.

"I know, baby. I'm not trying to pressure you or make you feel bad. As much as I'm selfish and want you with me, I would rather you be where it's best for you to be. I just want you to be happy." Ali meant every word. She was willing to wait for Ashlyn. She was willing to do anything for her.

Ashlyn took everything that Ali said to heart. It meant more to her than she let on. For the time being she decided to thank Ali for being so supportive and end their conversation with the usual 'I love you' and 'can't wait to see you.' 

That conversation shifted Ashlyn's perspective. Ashlyn longed for a real family. She dreamed of a day where love and belonging would be the foundations of her existence. She only ever felt that sense of unconditional love with her Grandparents. She knew there was nothing she could ever do to lose her place in their family.

Her love for Ali was always a challenge. She was learning how to love and how to receive authentic love back. That phone conversation made Ashlyn realize that Ali's love was about more than friendship and romance. Ali's love was about protecting and bringing happiness to Ashlyn. Ashlyn found where she belonged. 

She belonged with Ali.

After that conversation, Ashlyn began to plan for her future. She spoke with her agent and told him she wanted to play in Germany. 

It was time for her to settle down. It was time for her to start a family with Ali.

...

Ali and Ashlyn had been friends for years. Ashlyn loved Ali but Ali was confused. She had just broken up with her long time boyfriend and was struggling with her sexuality. She knew she was gay but she had been in denial for so long she barely recognized herself. 

Ali knew that Ashlyn was the one she wanted but she rationalized in her head that she shouldn't go for it. She told herself that she needed to make sure she was really gay before going after her best friend. 

She ended up avoiding her for almost an entire year. She broke Ashlyn's heart.

One night, after an awkward blind date, Ali skyped with a friend.

"So how was the date?" Megan asked.

"Terrible! I thought blind dates with guys were the worst! I actually thought about faking a heart attack to get out of it." Ali joked.

"Don't joke about that." Megan warned. "You heard what happened to Ashlyn's Grandpa, right?"

Ali hadn't heard. She hadn't heard anything from Ash in almost a year.

"No. What happened?" Ali asked in fear.

"He had a heart attack last night." Megan thought for a second and then added. "I thought you would've known. Ashlyn is a wreck!"

Ali's heart sank. Ashlyn needed her and she was too busy being confused and trying to figure things out with blind dates to be there for her.

"She hadn't told me." Ali said sadly.

"Oh." Megan was sad and surprised all at the same time. "Is there something going on between you two?" Megan didn't mean in a romantic way. She was just asking if the two best friends were fighting. However, the phrasing was too close to be mistaken for a romantic problem so Ali quickly made up a lie.

"Everything's fine. She was probably too overwhelmed to call." Ali needed to get out of the conversation fast.

"Listen Pinoe, I gotta go. I've got an early practice in the morning. Take care." Ali hung up on her friend.

Ali cried in her pillow that night. She wished she could have been there for Ashlyn. How far had she drifted that Ash didn't even think to tell her? Or had Ashlyn thought about telling her but stopped herself assuming that Ali didn't care?

That night she decided that she wasn't going to lose her best friend. She decided to be brave. She decided to be honest.

Ali called Ashlyn the next day and apologized for being so distant. She listened to Ashlyn tell her her fears about losing her family. She wished more than anything that she could just hold her and tell her it would be alright.

After that conversation Ali determined in her heart that she wouldn't settle for a blind date, or any other date, for that matter. She couldn't live without Ashlyn. Even after a year, Ashlyn was the one she thought of when she woke up and when she closed her eyes to sleep. Ashlyn was the one who's memory made her smile and cry. 

Ashlyn was the one.

Ali decided she would one day marry Ashlyn. Ali decided that Ash would never have to worry about being without a family again.

...

Jacob was in an awkward place. He was living with a family, who out of nowhere started treating him like he was one of them. They treated him like he belonged there.

Jacob had a lot of new things to get used to. 

He didn't have to worry about food or a place to stay. He didn't have to worry about safety or being alone. Suddenly his entire life was different.

He knew what it meant to love someone. He loved his brother and sister more than anything. But he wasn't familiar with having loving parents and loving them back. He never really thought that was possible. 

He never saw it coming.

Ali had insisted that Jacob go to the doctor. She wanted to make sure that he was healthy and happy. He lived a long time without proper nutrition and care and it took a toll on his body. Ali made it her mission to make sure that her new son had every chance for a long and happy life.

The doctor did a full physical and lots of tests. He had to give Jake a lot of vaccines, as well as draw his blood. Jacob was scared to death of needles.

At first he tried to be brave. He didn't want his new mom to think he was a wimp. After an allergy test that involved a dozen needle pricks he lost his nerve. The nurse stuck his arm to draw blood. She needed to fill several vials. The boy began to cry. It wasn't from the pain, he just hated the thought of a needle inside of him. 

When the nurse left the needle in his arm and removed and replaced vial after vial he lost it. Ali was already holding his hand but when she noticed him closing his eyes tightly and heard a quiet whimper leave his mouth she wrapped him up in a hug.

"Jacob, it's ok. I'm so sorry it hurts. It will be over soon." She put her face next to his and whispered in his ear while the nurse finished drawing his blood. 

When the nurse was done she saw that the mother and son needed some privacy. She told them to set up a follow-up appointment on their way out and left them to have a mother-son moment.

Jacob cried quietly on Ali's shoulder for a few minutes. When he calmed down he felt embarrassed.

"I..I'm sorry." Jacob put his head down. He couldn't remember there ever being a time when he let himself be supported by someone else's arms. He was used to crying alone.

When Ali held him, he couldn't control his emotions from hitting the surface. He fell apart in her arms. After his tears had stopped and he realized he was ok he didn't know what to do.

"Jacob, it's ok for you to cry. I love you. I'm always going to be here for you. I'm here to help you." Ali gave him another hug and he released everything he had held inside that he thought he had to carry on his own.

Ali kissed his cheek and then stepped back slightly. "Let's go home, Jacob." Ali put a hand on his back and led him to the front desk to make an appointment.

The ride home was pretty quiet. Ali knew the boy was embarrassed. She tried to explain to him that it was ok to cry and to need other people's help and comfort. He would only nod or give a one word answer. Everything was so new to him. He was afraid he would mess everything up or say something wrong.

Ali pulled into the garage and unbuckled her seatbelt. She turned to her son and gave him a sympathetic smile. "You ready to go in?"

"Not yet." Jake said. He rubbed his eyes and swallowed hard. "Umm, I wanted to tell you something real fast."

"Ok." Ali had no idea what he was going to say.

Jacob unbuckled his seatbelt and took a quick peak at Ali and then turned his head toward is car door window. Ali thought his nervousness was cute.

"Umm...I just uh...I've never told anyone this before. But I feel like I should. I mean...I want too. I want you to know that...umm...I...I love you."

Jake's face was bright red and he was sure he said it wrong. He was too nervous to look over at his mother. It took Ali a long moment to collect her own emotions, but once she did she had a confession of her own. 

"Jacob, look at me for a minute." Ali wiped the tears from her eyes. "I love you so much! And it means more to me than I could ever put into words. Thank you for telling me that. I promise to spend the rest of my life loving you back."

Ali's words brought a relaxed smile to Jacob's face. "I hope I didn't sound too dumb."

"You said it perfectly, sweetheart."

That tender moment was the beginning of Jacob letting go of his loneliness and letting his new family fill the void in his heart.

...

The first few weeks after Lexi and Sam were placed with Ash and Ali were quite a challenge. Sam was young enough to not remember anything traumatic. Lexi, on the other hand, had seen or experienced something terrible enough to cause her to stop speaking and to be afraid of being touched.

Ashlyn and Ali were careful when helping her. She was still in diapers and had to be touched all the time to change her and dress her. She would struggle and hit them to try and keep them away. It broke both of their hearts every single time.

On one particular night everything seemed to be too much. Ali had left the house to go grocery shopping and Ashlyn was home alone with both kids. Samuel was sick and throwing up. Ashlyn cleaned him up several times and hated to hear him cry. 

After putting Sam down to check on Lexi, Ash discovered that her daughter needed to be changed. Lexi went wild. She kicked and scratched Ashlyn the entire time. Before Ash could finish Sam started screaming. The poor baby was in pain from his damaged stomach. He had been poisoned right after his birth. He was still suffering from the effects of the poison.

Ashlyn listened to him cry out in pain as she finished Lexi's diaper change. She put Lexi on the floor to play with her toys and went straight for her son. She held him close to her chest and started to cry with him. She felt helpless. Her children had suffered so much and it seemed like they were still suffering. She felt like a failure. All she wanted was to help them. But it felt like her love wasn't enough.

Ali returned home to find Ashlyn in tears. She ran to her side and took Sam from her. She told her wife to take a breath and try to calm down. Ashlyn was overwhelmed with concern for her children. 

She went outside to cry on her own. She sobbed. Her cries were loud and long. She fell to her knees next to their oak tree and put her head in her hands. She felt hopeless. She felt like there was no way she could help these kids.

Ali saw that her wife wasn't getting any better. She felt she needed to be with her. She opened the glass door while holding Sam in her arms and struggled to open the door all of the way. While she was fiddling with it, Lexi ran out. Ali tried to stop her, she didn't want her to get hurt, but what she saw made Ali stop in her tracks.

Lexi had heard Ashlyn's cries. She ran to her the first chance she got and grabbed a few of her fingers with her tiny hand. She held on to them tightly and looked up at Ashlyn and said, "Mama." 

While holding on with one hand, Lexi used her other hand to pat Ashlyn's leg. She was trying to comfort her mother. 

Both Ali and Ashlyn marveled at the small gesture that was really a huge breakthrough. It was the first touch and word that the girl had given either of them. 

It was a one word message that told them that they were helping her. They were doing a good job. It told them not to give up. It told them she was getting better.  
...

Ashlyn groaned and rolled into her wife. The cries of their new baby boy rang through loud and clear in the baby monitor that was next to her ear.

She let out a sigh and sat up to go check on the boy.

"Baby, I'll go." Ali said. "You've gotten up the last two times."

Samuel was a very sick baby. The doctors were amazed that he was alive. Because of his stomach problems it was hard for him to stay comfortable. He woke up at least once every hour.

"No, I want to." Ashlyn stumbled out of bed and yawned loudly. She made her way to her son's room.

Ali secretly liked it when Ashlyn would go to comfort him, not because she was lazy, but because she liked to listen to her wife over the monitor.

Ali heard her say, "Hey, buddy." 

This was the part when Ashlyn would pick him up and carry him to the rocking chair by the window.

"Do you know that I love you?" Ashlyn would rock him and tell him how much she cared for him. "You're my favorite little boy. You're having a hard time now, but one day you'll be big and strong like a superhero. And all I'll ever do is cheer for you because you'll do amazing things."

Some nights Ali would hear her wife sing to the boy. They were usually made up songs. Sometimes they were silly and other times they were of a more serious nature.

When Ali had enough energy she would get up and watch her wife and son from his doorway. Ashlyn would hold him close to her. She always held him over her heart. He would grab onto her shirt and hold tight. Ashlyn would always brag about how strong he was.

Ashlyn would stay with him for as long as it took him to fall asleep. She wanted to make sure her son knew she would always be there for him whenever he was in pain. He needed to know that she would always be there to comfort him.

As Samuel got healthier he was able to sleep without pain. Ashlyn was happy he was getting better, but missed her special late-night times with her son. 

One morning after the boy had successfully slept a few nights in a row, he became fussy. No matter what Ali did she couldn't get the boy to stop. It wasn't until Ashlyn walked in the room and he held his arms up towards her, that they realized he too missed their bonding times.

Ashlyn promised him that she would make time for him. She would hold him for as long as he wanted. She would play with him and believe great things for her little miracle boy.

Samuel would never go a day without knowing he was special and loved.

...

These are the moments when each member realized their place in the Krieger-Harris family. These are the moments where everything changed. They found the place where they belonged.


	91. Legacy

Ali was helping Jacob gather his dirty laundry before getting ready for school when they both heard a loud thud. They couldn't tell which room it had come from so they checked the kids' rooms first. 

Lexi was up having a tea party with her stuffed animals. She said she didn't know what the noise was. But she had plenty of tea to go around if either of them were thirsty. 

Sam was still sound asleep with his face in Monster's side. He had his arm around his pup and was snoring quietly.

The two of them hurried to check on Ashlyn. When they opened the door they found her sitting on the floor wrapped up in the top sheet from the bed. 

"Ash, are you ok?" Ali said rushing to her side.

Ashlyn looked up at her, still groggy from sleep. "I fell."

Ashlyn was out of it. She turned her attention to the sheet that had betrayed her. She tried to wiggle free but her movements were slow and uncoordinated. She finally gave up and laid down on the floor wrapped up like a sleepy burrito.

Ali laughed at her wife. She knew she should have tried to hide her amusement in front of their son, but the situation was just too much. 

These types of things would only happen to Ashlyn.

"I'll take care of her. You finish up your laundry sorting." Ali dismissed Jacob and put her hands underneath her wife's arm's and wrapped them around her. She lifted her wife up so that she was standing on her feet. 

Ash was still half asleep and unable to stand steadily. She leaned into her wife and let Ali support her. Ali set her down on their bed and removed the sheet around her. She sat down next to her and let her wife continue to lean against her.

"You fell." Ali said quietly once she noticed her wife had settled.

"I fell." Ashlyn blinked slowly until her eyes closed completely. She had fallen asleep against her wife's shoulder.

"Baby, I love you but you have to get up. I need your help getting Samuel ready." Parenthood doesn't have an offseason. 

Ashlyn laid sideways on the bed and stretched out her tight muscles. Ali knew this was Ashlyn's normal practice when waking up.

She bent down and kissed Ashlyn's cheek and said, "Thank you, sweetheart. I'm gonna go start breakfast."

After Ali left Ashlyn decided she was not in the mood to be awake. She still got up and acted like a good wife and responsible parent but she wasn't happy about the fact that she was conscious.

Instead of waking up her son she climbed into his bed with him. She figured Ali wouldn't kill her if Sam was in her arms. She was too tired and worn out to be a good wife and responsible parent at the moment.

...

Ali was not happy when she saw her wife and son still asleep. She had already fed their older children. She kept her end of the bargain in the whole parenting deal. Ashlyn needed to keep her end too.

"Are you kidding me right now, Ashlyn?!" Ali shook her wife awake by her shoulder.

"Ow, what?" Ash was startled awake. It wasn't Ali's usual gentle touch she was used to.

"You're supposed to be getting Sam ready for school."

"We're staying home today." Ashlyn had no desire to move and she liked having her favorite nap buddy with her. 

"I don't even know who you are, right now! It is not ok for our child to miss school just because you're too lazy to get him ready." 

"Relax. He's four. Joey says he's the smartest kid in the whole school. He can afford to miss a day."

"Joey is also four and I'm not gonna base my decision of how educated my son is on the opinion of a four year old! By the way, Joey was impressed by Sam's knowledge of colors. It's not like he's ready to graduate." Ali was angry that her wife seemed so dismissive of Sam's need to go to school. "This isn't up for debate, Ashlyn. Get up! Get him dressed! And stop acting like a child!" Ali left the room and the conversation. 

Ashlyn was ticked. Her wife made her feel like she was a bad parent. Ashlyn figured that there was nothing more important that day than cuddling with her son. Sam was ahead of his class and even if he didn't know what they would learn in class that day she could find out from Joey and make sure he was caught up.

Ashlyn considered ignoring her wife and staying in bed all day with Sam. Ashlyn then considered suffering more of the wrath of her wife and decided it wasn't worth the pain. 

She got up and dressed Sam. The boy was practically unconscious through the whole wake up routine. Ash brushed his teeth for him and combed his hair. She carried him to the kitchen as Ali was leaving the house with Jake. Ali glared at her and walked out without saying a word. 

Jacob felt bad. He heard his mom tell his mama off and he sympathized with her. He knew Ash was more of a free spirit like Sam and she saw things a little differently than Ali did. Unfortunately for Ashlyn it seemed like Ali's way was the only way in that house.

"Bye, Mama." Jacob hurried to Ashlyn and gave her a kiss on the cheek. He didn't want to make Ali wait. He actually thought it might upset her if he took too long being nice to his free-spirited parent.

"Bye, son." She knew he was worried about Ali's disapproval. She gave him a quick hug and told him to get going.

After some observation Ashlyn discovered that her wife set out a plate of breakfast for Sam and threw away the food she had set aside for Ashlyn. 

"Now, who's acting like a child?" Ashlyn whispered. 

Ashlyn helped Sam eat. He never was a big eater but he seemed to be even pickier for Ashlyn than usual. 

She carried him, his backpack, and lunch to her Jeep and drove him to school. When Ashlyn unbuckled him from his car seat to walk him to his classroom the boy whined. 

"Mama, my tummy hurts."

"Are you serious?" Ash was frustrated with life at the moment, and now her son was basically telling her that they got out of bed for no reason.

"Yeah." He looked flushed. Ashlyn kissed his forehead and it felt hot. She felt bad for her son and herself..

She decided she didn't want to go home, so she went ahead and took him straight to urgent care. As much as Ashlyn hated waiting at urgent care she hated confronting an angry wife even more. 

...

Ali first started out pacing. She knew her wife was avoiding her. Ali was anxiously waiting to tell Ashlyn that she had set a really bad example for their children and that she was not going to put up with that behavior.

The pacing didn't seem to bring Ashlyn home any faster. Ali moved on to cleaning. The countertops and floors took a hard scrubbing as Ali replayed the morning's events in her mind. The waiting mixed with a refusal to think about anything else caused her anger to rise.

Ashlyn arrived three hours later than expected. She entered through the front door with a sleeping Samuel in her arms. Ali assumed she let him skip school and hung out with him all morning.

"Ashlyn!" Ali didn't yell because Sam was present but her tone could not be mistaken.

Ashlyn ignored her. She wasn't in the mood. She took Sam to his room and laid him down. She kissed his cheek and walked right by her wife without saying a word.

Ali was exasperated by her wife's actions. She felt like she didn't know the person she woke up next to that morning. Ashlyn didn't seem like herself.

Ash had gone back out to her car to get Sam's school stuff. She laid it all down on the kitchen table and sat down. She pulled Sam's lunch out of his bag and started eating it. She was starving. Her wife trashed her breakfast and her stomach wasn't happy.

Ali finally tracked her wife down and stood in front of her with her hands on her hips ready for battle.

"He's sick." Ashlyn said with a mouthful of Sam's crust-less peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

"Who?" Ali was too focused on the person she was angry at to think of anyone else.

"Who do you think?" Ashlyn said sarcastically while pointing towards Samuel's room.

That pulled Ali's attention back to a sensible place. 

"Why didn't you tell me he was sick?"

Ashlyn just looked at her like she was crazy. Was she really asking her that?

"I'll call the doctor." Ali grabbed her phone from her purse.

"I already took him. He has a virus." 

"You already took him?" Ali was usually the one to handle appointments and taking kids to the doctor.

"I took him to urgent care. Actually, I took him to school first and then to urgent care." Ashlyn pulled out a bag from a local pharmacy and tossed it to Ali. "I knew we were almost out."

Ali opened the bag and found a bottle of Sam's usual preferred stomach medicine.

"Thank you." Ali said quietly and humbly. Maybe she had been too hard on her wife.

Ashlyn finished the sandwich and crumbled up the bag into a ball. She licked her fingers and threw the bag away, right on top of her discarded breakfast. She was done talking.

Ashlyn headed to the coat rack by the front door and grabbed Monster's leash. The sound of the metal fastener shaking when she grabbed it rang in the dogs ears. Even though he was upstairs with his boy he still heard it. It only took a few seconds for him to meet Ashlyn at the door.

Ali couldn't believe that her wife was going to take Monster for a walk at this precise moment.

"Can we talk, please?" Ali sounded irritated.

"I'm not in the mood." Ash opened the door and left. She knew Ali wouldn't follow her with a sick boy asleep in the house. 

Ashlyn took the long way around the neighborhood. She let Monster sniff everything in sight. He was a very happy dog. Unfortunately, Ali was getting more frustrated by the second and Ashlyn made her wait a lot of extra seconds.

...

Ali decided to wait in Samuel's room. She knew he would be Ashlyn's first priority when she got home. 

Ali knew her wife well. Ashlyn followed Monster to her son's room and found her wife sitting on his bed. Ash went to Sam's side and felt his forehead. 

Once she was satisfied that he was ok she left both him and Ali without saying a word.

Ali jumped up and quickly followed her wife. Ashlyn fell face first onto their bed. She was ready for the world to disappear around her. She didn't have the energy to deal with her wife. Ashlyn didn't think it would matter if their conversation waited.

Ali didn't agree.

"Ashlyn! Are you going to ignore me all day or what?" Ali stood at the foot of the bed staring down at her wife's back.

Ash tilted her head just enough to the side so that her voice wouldn't be hindered by the mattress beneath her. "I don't feel like talking."

"You don't FEEL like talking. Are you serious, right now?"

"Yes." Ashlyn said. Ali could hear the exhaustion in her voice. Ash reached for her pillow and covered her head with it to hide from Ali.

Ali took a sharp breath in and slowly let it out. How could she have missed the signs? Ali had seen Ashlyn act this way before. Ali calmly walked to their bathroom and filled a glass with water from the faucet. She opened the medicine cabinet and grabbed two pills from a prescription bottle. 

Ali sat down on the bed next to her wife's pillow-covered head and said, "Ash, how long have you been feeling bad?" 

Ashlyn wasn't just having a bad day. Something was wrong. Ali had kinda seen it coming recently, but she put it in the back of her mind. After she advised Ashlyn to relax and get a massage the other day she let her guard down. 

Ashlyn was emotionally burnt out and something was bothering her. Ashlyn wasn't being lazy when she said she wanted to stay in bed all day. She was being honest. 

"Ash talk to me. How long have you been feeling bad?"

Ashlyn removed the pillow and turned over so that she was on her back. This movement was more significant than a change of position, it was a movement of Ashlyn's heart opening up toward her wife.

Early on in their relationship when Ashlyn first made the commitment to Ali to be more open about her feelings, she explained that during her emotionally depressed days it was hard to do anything.

She described it as an emotional and physical fatigue. Simple things like talking or getting out of bed were near impossible. When Ashlyn was younger these symptoms were paralyzing. 

Through counseling, medication, and learning to recognize warning signs early on, Ashlyn and Ali had learned to manage it before it got too bad. Something that once controlled Ashlyn and made her feel isolated and alone had lost most of it's power over her.

She was no longer a depressed person. She was a person who sometimes felt depressed.

Ashlyn took a little longer than usual to answer Ali's question but she finally answered. "I don't know. I just feel really bad today."

"Baby, can you sit up for me please?" Ali gave Ash a pat on the stomach and waited for her wife to oblige. Once Ashlyn was sitting, Ali handed her the water and medication. "This will help even out your lows."

"I know." Ashlyn hated the fact that she had to take an anti-depressant. She usually could skip a day or two and not be affected by it, but today was different. 

After Ashlyn took her medication Ali took the glass of water from her and set it on her nightstand table. She pulled Ashlyn into her lap and gently massaged her neck and scalp.

"What's going on, Sweetheart?" Ali knew there had to be something that set her wife off.

"Grandpa's birthday is today."

Ali totally forgot. 

Ashlyn's grandfather, who raised her and loved her as if she was his own daughter, died several months ago. This was his first birthday after he passed.

"I'm sorry." Ali was sorry for a lot of things.

"I'm sorry, too." Ash didn't handle her side of things very well, either. "I miss him."

Ali didn't know what to say. "I'm so sorry, honey. I know he loved you very much."

Ali had an idea. "I'll be right back." She jumped out of bed and returned a couple minutes later with Sam and Monster. She set up her laptop and turned on Ashlyn's favorite comedy. 

They spent the remainder of the afternoon together cuddling and watching stupid funny movies like Dumb and Dumber and Napolean Dyanamite. By the time Lexi got home Ashlyn was feeling well enough to call her Grandma and share her favorite memories of her Grandpa with her. 

Ash called her brother and reminded him of what today was and told him to stay with their grandmother for the night. He didn't seem as affected by the date as Ashlyn, but his sister made sure he was sensitive and took care of their grandmother.

Lexi found her Mama sitting on a swing and talking on her phone in the backyard. Ashlyn quickly hung up with her brother and gave her daughter her full attention.

"How was school, little princess?" Ashlyn held out her arms and Lexi climbed up in her lap.

"It was good. A boy gave me his applesauce at lunch today."

"Woah, that's serious business." Ashlyn hugged her daughter tight. "Is he a special friend, Lex?"

"No way, Mama! Boys are gross." Lex set the record straight. Ash couldn't really argue with her daughter, she mostly agreed, but she decided to keep her opinion to herself.

"Boys aren't all that bad. Your Grandpa is a boy. Your brothers are boys. Sometimes boys are ok."

"I guess." Lexi wasn't quite convinced.

"Well, at least you got applesauce out of the deal. What kind was it? Cinnamon? Strawberry?"

"It was plain and had no sugar."

"Yuck. No wonder you don't like him." Ashlyn joked. Her daughter had high standards. She knew she deserved better than unsweetened applesauce. "Make sure people treat you right, princess. Don't settle! I'm proud of you."

Lexi had no clue what exactly her mama was proud of but if she said it Lexi figured it must be ok.

...

When Ali returned home with Jacob she announced that she was taking the entire family out to dinner. 

She picked Ashlyn's favorite burger place and was glad to see that her wife was feeling better. She could tell that she was still sad, but she was able to manage it and enjoy her family.

Ashlyn barely ate anything all day, so she ordered the biggest burger on the menu and encouraged Jake to do the same. 

Lexi, on the otherhand, ordered chicken fingers with her favorite cinnamon applesauce on the side. And Sam took turns cuddling up in both his parents arms all night. 

Ashlyn took in the picture around her. She saw her wife who was willing to forgive her in a second to bring her much needed comfort. She saw her children who were safe and happy.

She saw her life and she was thankful that an old man took a chance on her and her brother and sacrificed his time, money, and life to provide a home for her. 

She looked around her and saw that his legacy was still living through her and her family.

Grandpa would be proud.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick note: 
> 
> No person's struggle with depression is the same as another's. I do have some personal experience with it, but I don't in any way want this chapter to make it seem like it's an easy thing to "get over." Depression is real and it is hard.
> 
> I do know, however that hope is often times just around the corner. So don't give up.


	92. Favorites (Part One)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a lot in this and the next couple of chapters. A few prompts and few other things... :)
> 
> I hope you enjoy.

"Sweetheart, are you ready?" Ali was in the master bathroom putting on a few finishing touches to her make-up.

"Almost." Ashlyn was packing her own medication bag. 

Ali usually was the one to do this but after she forgot on their last trip and Ashlyn's recent emotional difficulties she wanted to make sure they were more careful. She decided if Ashlyn got in the habit of packing them too, there was less of a chance they would get forgotten.

"Are you sure you packed everything?" Ali asked.

"Yeah, I think." Ashlyn figured that if Ali was so worried about it she should just do it herself.

"What do you mean you think?" Ali walked out of the bathroom and right up to the bed where Ashlyn was standing over an open small suitcase.

"I'm pretty sure I got it all."

"Ash, I keep everything together. It's not that hard." Ali said. She sorted through all the bottles that Ash had haphazardly thrown into the carry on bag. "Sweetheart, how can you find anything when you pack like this?"

Ashlyn was a little irritated. Ali asked her to do it and now she's complaining about the way she did it.

"Why don't you just do it like usual? If you're gonna check it and rearrange everything anyway?" Ashlyn did have a point.

"Because it's not about how it's packed, it's about making sure both of us are paying attention. I felt terrible about forgetting it when we went to visit my brother. I just don't want to set ourselves up for more problems." Ali knew she was being a little crazy about it, especially to someone like Ashlyn who likes to go with the flow and not stress out about the details of life. But Ali wasn't willing to risk anything bad happening to her wife because of an avoidable mistake.

"You forgot once. I think you're doing a pretty good job. No need to change the system now." Ashlyn hated packing.

Ali laughed. "Ash, I love you. That's why I worry so much. Please just try this new system out. It will make me feel better." 

"Yeah, yeah. Ok." Ashlyn moped. Ali reached out and grabbed her wife's arm and pulled her towards her for a kiss.

"I love you. I'm sorry about all my worrying. But it's my job to take care of you." Ali gave Ash another quick kiss and then left to check on the kids. 

As Ali was walking out she heard her wife mumble something that sounded like she was saying the number two. She couldn't be sure, but she knew she heard something.

...

Ali and Ashlyn had been called up for a two week national camp. They couldn't leave their high energy four year old with someone for that long so they decided to bring him along for the first week, while the other two kids stayed with their Grandpa. 

Ali had arranged beforehand to get all of his school work and bring it along. The women would be tired from camp but they both committed to making sure their son continued to learn while he was away.

Ali's Dad would bring the other two kids for the following weekend to visit their parents and then take Sam home with him. Ali's Mom would then arrive in DC to watch them for the last week. 

The Krieger-Harris family was very blessed to have Ali's parents. They still supported Ali's, and now Ashlyn's, dream of playing soccer in any way that they could. Now that the two have kids, that support means babysitting.

Ali packed Sam's bag the night before. She did a final swoop through his room to make sure she didn't forget anything that would be important for Sam to have. She knew she had all the usual necessities, but when traveling with someone so young sometimes a toy or certain superhero blanket becomes a necessity too.

Ali was satisfied with the selections she had made and wheeled Sam's bag to their room. Ashlyn was still sorting through the carry-on with her medicine.

"What are you doing?" Ali was a little surprised that her wife hadn't finished by now.

"I'm doing what you told me."

"I just checked it. It's fine." Ali re-sorted the meds that Ashlyn had made a shambles, once again.

"Why does it matter how their sorted? They're all there." Ashlyn just wanted to be done.

"Ash, the reason it took you so long to figure out that they were all here is because of the way you pack. If you put everything where it belongs it's easier to find when you need it, and it's easier to keep track of." Ali explained.

Ashlyn wasn't gonna argue. It was too exhausting. "Ok."

Ali zipped up the bag and told Ash she was going to send Jacob up to help her carry the luggage to the car.

...

"Sam-Bam, hold on to Mommy's hand." Ashlyn said. She was carrying the majority of the bags through the airport and wanted to make sure Sam didn't wander off.

The little guy kept getting distracted by all the exciting stuff happening around him.

"Mommy, look at that doggy." Sam pointed to a lady carrying a small poodle. He started to walk towards it but Ali's hand pulled him back to the direction they were supposed to be headed.

"Pay attention to where you're going, baby. You almost tripped on that man's bag." Ali said to her favorite little boy.

"Oops. Sorry, Mommy." Sam said sweetly. He was very interested in all of the rumblings of an airport. He couldn't focus on just one thing, like walking.

"It's ok, sweetheart." Ali loved that her little boy was curious. She just wanted to keep him safe.

Once they arrived at their gate Ashlyn was ready to relax. She had carried Sam's car seat, and two heavy carry-on bags through the airport. Sam had a little Avengers book bag that he wore on his back with snacks and a few toys. Ali had her own backpack with a few necessities, as well. 

They found a row of chairs with two empty seats next to each other and relieved their arms and backs of the heavy baggage they had brought.

Without prompting Sam climbed up into Ashlyn's lap and held tight to the back of her neck with one hand. He continued to scan the area for interesting and fun things to point out to his parents, but he never let go of Ashlyn. It was like second nature to him to hold on to her in some way.

Ali rummaged through Sam's backpack and gave him some goldfish crackers and a juice box. He was too busy looking around to pay attention to snack time. Ali and Ash would have their own conversation with Ali putting a cracker or straw in Sam's mouth every now and then. 

Ash put an arm around her wife's waist and pulled her closer to her. The Krieger-Harris family were expert travelers and Sam was in a happy mood today. He was usually the difference between an easy trip and a hard one. Today he made things easy. They all enjoyed their time together.

...

When the three arrived they ran into a familiar couple at the airport. 

"Toby!" Sam dropped Ali's hand and ran towards Tobin. Tobin decided to make a big scene of their reunion.

"Sammy!" She ran towards him and met him in the middle of the distance that had been between them.

"Toby, I love you." Sam gave his friend a hug and she quickly kissed his cheek and returned his sentiment.

"I love you too, Sammers!" She lifted him up in her arms and waited for her girlfriend and his parents to reach them.

"Samuel, give Aunt Alex a hug too." Ali always tried to remind Sam to acknowledge Alex. The boy was a little bit possessive of the girl he referred to as his girlfriend. Especially to the other person who referred to her as their girlfriend. 

"Hi, Alex." Sam said shyly. He reached out with one hand from Tobin's arms to give her a hug.

"Hi there, Sam. It's good to see you. We've missed you." Alex was always sweet to the little boy. She loved how much he loved Tobin. She really couldn't blame him. She didn't think anyone couldn't love Tobin.

"You did?" Sam looked at Alex and then to Tobin. 

Tobin answered for them both. "We missed you a lot, little dude."

Sam smiled and reached both hands for Alex. She was shocked. She took him from Tobin's arms and gave the boy a proper hug.

...

Back at the hotel Ash left to pick up a few things for the family at a local pharmacy. She didn't need any medication or anything like that. Ali sent her with a short list of snack foods and toiletry items to make their stay with a four year old a little easier.

When Ash returned to the hotel room she was met by Sam playing with a lot of the team kids. There were children and toys everywhere. 

Sam and Reece were playing 'Go Fish' with Tobin. Alex and Ali were sitting on one of the beds overseeing all the craziness and talking.

As soon as Sam saw his Mama enter the room he cheered and jumped up. He ran toward the door and attacked her legs with a hug.

"Mama!" He jumped up. "Up, up!"

Ashlyn tossed her stuff on the empty bed in the room and lifted the boy up in her arms. She usually lifted him up until they were face to face so that they could give each other a kiss and then talk about random stuff. This time however, she lifted him a little bit higher so that his tummy was in perfect striking distance. She pretended to eat his stomach and gave him raspberries until he couldn't handle the laughter any longer.

"Mama, don't eat me!" Sam was overjoyed by the mere presence of his Mama and couldn't stop laughing.

"Just a few little bites. I'm hungry." Ash gave him a real kiss and held him close. She took him back to his seat on the floor to finish his game with Tobin and Reece. Ashlyn sat down and let him sit in her lap. Reece made Tobin do the same for her. With Ash and Tobin in charge of the little one's cards, 'Go Fish' got serious. 

The players decided to bet kisses to each other during the game. Tobin ended up owing Sam 96 kisses and Reece had to give Ashlyn 34. It was the greatest game of 'Go Fish' in the history of the world.

...

Alex and Tobin watched three members of their favorite family file into breakfast the next morning. Ashlyn had Sam on her shoulders and carried him through the breakfast line, while Ali fixed his plate with the foods he pointed at from his spot above.

"Aren't they adorable?" Alex said. She wanted Tobin to get on the same page as her when it came to starting a family. Tobin was already there, but Alex didn't know it.

"Yeah, I guess." Tobin wasn't trying to be hard to read, or mysterious. She didn't purposely say the opposite of what Alex wanted. She wasn't trying to throw Alex off of her trail, she did it naturally. 

The truth was that Tobin had an engagement ring for Alex with her at all times. She wanted the moment to be right, even if it happened when she wasn't expecting it. She wanted to be ready. She wanted everything to be perfect for the woman she loved.

Once the family had gotten their food they sat with Tobin and Alex. Sam held Tobin's hand while they ate. His short little legs hung far above the ground and he kicked them back and forth causing the whole table to move.

"Sweetheart, please don't kick." Ali asked.

"Ok, Mommy." Sam stopped. And then five minutes later he started again.

"Samuel, please stop kicking." Ali wasn't upset. Her boy's attention is short and he easily forgets things like being told not to kick his feet.

"Oops! Sorry, Mommy!" Sam stopped right away. 

Ash nudged her wife and said, "Babe, I'm gonna get some more fruit." 

As Ash stood Sam perked up. "Mama, I go with you?" 

"Sure, Bammers!" Ashlyn walked to him and turned her back toward his front and lowered herself down to his level. "Hop on." She gave him a piggy back ride to the table with the fruit.

Alex watched the interaction and was amazed at how Samuel responded to Ashlyn.

"Ali, can I ask you a question?" Alex asked. Tobin was too busy slurping the milk from her cereal to pay much attention to what her girlfriend was saying.

"Of course." Ali answered.

"Does it ever bother you that Sam seems more..." Alex stopped to find the right word. She didn't want to hurt her friends feelings.

"Are you trying to ask if I'm bothered by my son's preference of my wife?" Ali saved Alex from having to finish her sentence.

"Yeah. I mean, I don't mind that he prefers Tobs over me. But I don't know how I'd feel if it was our own son." As soon as Alex said 'our own son' referring to her and Tobin she checked quickly to make sure Tobin still wasn't paying attention. She wasn't sure how Tobin would respond to that.

Ali noticed the worry in Alex and quickly put the attention back on the original question. 

"It really doesn't bother me. It used to when he was a baby. But I've learned that he has a lot of love for both of us. I'm confident in how he feels about me." Ali took a sip of her coffee and continued.

"Besides, I learned a long time ago, long before we had children, that Ashlyn is just one of those people that absolutely everyone loves." 

Alex nodded towards her girlfriend. "I know exactly what you mean."

"You know Ash. She's the life of the party and everyone wants to be near her and to get her attention. But I know Ash when she's quiet and wants my attention." Ali smiled. "She might be the whole world's favorite...but I'm her favorite." 

"That's really sweet." Tobin chimed in. "You're my favorite, Alex." And just like that she went back to slurping her cereal milk.

Both Ali and Alex laughed at the exchange. They both knew they were the lucky ones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did all of you super observant and genius readers catch the clue I hid for you?


	93. Favorites (Part Two)

"Dude, are you gonna propose or what?" Ashlyn asked right as Tobin took a huge bite of her cheeseburger.

"I already told you I was." Tobin said with her mouth full of partially chewed meat.

"Yeah but like, when?" 

"I don't know." Tobin took a drink of her chocolate milkshake and searched the place for her girlfriend.

"She's with Ali and Sam by the claw game." Ash said. "Don't you have a plan?" 

"A plan for what?" Tobin's mind had already changed subjects.

"For proposing!" Ashlyn threw a french fry at her clueless friend.

"Oh, yeah." Tobin answered.

"Oh, yeah? That's it? That's all you give me?" 

"I've got a plan but it might happen some other way. Who knows?" Tobin was totally fine with not having all of the answers of life written out for her. 

Ashlyn wondered if that was part of the reason why she was so wise. She seemed to have more answers than anyone else she knew when it came to certain things.

"Tobin, talking to you is confusing."

Tobin caught on to her friend's frustration and tried to be more clear. Alex always told her she needed to be more specific about certain things. People appreciate details.

"I'm planning on taking her for a trip after camp. I'm gonna invite her to Paris with the excuse that I need to work out contract details and I want her there with me to do it." Tobin explained.

"Don't you think she's gonna figure it out the moment you get to the airport?" Alex isn't stupid. She just might check the destination on her plane ticket.

"Dude, I'm taking her to Paris."

"I thought you said you were gonna take her on a romantic trip." Ashlyn didn't understand her friend.

"Paris is romantic."

"Not for Alex. That's the place that separated you from each other for the last two years. She's not gonna wanna go there!" 

"Duh! We're just starting out there." Tobin needed her friend to chill.

"Well, where are you taking her?" Ashlyn needed to know. Mostly for the sake of her curious wife.

"I'm not telling you! I've already told you too much." 

"Too much? You've barely told me anything." Ashlyn was not ok with Tobin leaving her out of the loop.

"Dude, our proposal story belongs to Alex. She's the one that's gonna tell it."

Ashlyn couldn't argue with that. It made sense. Tobin wanted it to be special. She wanted Alex to be the first to know about it. 

"You're one crazy deep mysterious romantic." Ashlyn said and gathered her trash and threw her last fry at Tobin. "I'm gonna go hang out with my wife and son. I, unlike you, have already committed to my happily ever after."

As Ash was walking away Tobin called out to her. "Hey Ash!" Ashlyn turned to her friend as she dropped her garbage in the trash can. "Ali's lucky to have a crazy deep mysterious romantic like you."

"I'm not that mysterious!" Ash replied and smiled before joining two of the greatest loves of her life.

...

The next day the team had a hard day of practice filled with beep tests, conditioning, and running drills. Ashlyn and Ali ran sprints together because they always motivated each other to push a little harder than if they were running with someone else.

During the final leg they both heard the cries of their son. They scanned the practice field and saw him screaming in the arms of the team nanny. Ashlyn was ready to take off towards him when Ali grabbed her arm.

"That's his tantrum cry. I'll take care of him. You have a lot to prove this camp. I want you with me in Canada." Ali was right and Ashlyn knew it. She hated not being able to go to her son but she knew Ali could take care of it.

"Ok." Ashlyn turned back and returned to the team.

Ali jogged to her son to try and help settle him down. "What happened?" Ali asked. But the nanny, Sarah, was drowned out by the increase in volume once Sam saw Ali. 

Ali wasn't surprised by this. He was known to find an extra set of tears whenever he was looking for extra attention from his parents.

Ali took him from the nanny's arms and held him close. She put a hand over the back of his head and held it tightly against her chest.

"Baby, you need to settle down so you can tell me what's wrong." Ali whispered into his ear. She bounced him up and down a little to get him in a comfortable rhythm. 

Ali addressed the nanny. "Do you know what happened?"

"No. He was playing with the other children and then started crying. I asked Reece and she said she didn't know what was wrong. She said he didn't fall and no one hurt him. I'm sorry to bug you. I was trying to settle him down." Sarah had been with the team for years. She was a very trustworthy person. Ali knew she was telling the truth.

"It's fine. I'm gonna walk with him a little bit. We'll be back." Ali carried the boy to a corner of the field that wasn't being used and had him sit down with her on the grass.

"What happened, baby?" Ali was a great mom. She was always very sympathetic when her children needed her.

"My tummy hurts." Samuel admitted.

"Do you feel like you're going to throw up?" Ali asked.

"No." Sammy lifted up his shirt and revealed a red rash covering the majority of his belly. 

"When did this start?" Ali was worried. She knew Jacob and her wife had allergies that if unattended could lead to serious health problems.

"After swimming." Sam started to cry again. He really was hurting.

"My poor baby." Ali held him and decided she was going to need to take him to a doctor or hospital. She wasn't going to risk it.

She carried him to her wife and told her the news. Ashlyn did not like the idea of her not going along. 

"I'm going with you." Ash said.

"No, you're not. We'll be fine. I'm serious, Ashlyn. The keeper position is tighter than ever, but you finally have an edge. I don't want to risk it. He's fine. We'll get him checked out and be back before you know it." Ali knew Ashlyn would hate staying but she also knew Ashlyn would understand.

"Fine. Keep me updated." Ashlyn gave Sam a hug and kissed his cheek. "I love you and I'll see you soon. Be good for Mommy, Bam."

"Ok, Mama." The little boy had tears in his eyes but he was determined to obey his Mama.

Ali left with him and left Ashlyn to worry.

...

A couple hours later Ali called and sent Ash to the pharmacy to pick up a prescription. Samuel had a bacterial infection from the swimming pool at the hotel. Ashlyn had to pick up a special cream to put on it. The doctor said he should be fine in a few days.

When Ashlyn returned to their room Ali and Samuel were already back. Sam ran to Ash and lifted up his shirt to shown a large gauze pad held on by tape covering his rash. He was proud of it. He thought it made him look tough.

"Mama, look I have a big bandaid on my tummy." Sam was excited and wanted his mama to get excited with him. 

"Wow, Bam! Did the doctor put medicine on it?" Ash already knew the answer but she wanted to give Sam the chance to brag.

"Yeah, Mommy held my hand. It didn't hurt." He was proud that he was a big boy for the doctor.

"I knew you'd be ok. You're super brave!" Ashlyn picked him up and sat them both down next to Ali. She handed her the bag from the pharmacy and made sure to give her a quick kiss. 

"Sweetheart, Tobin wanted to know if you could take a walk with her when you got back." Ali was very curious about the reason but she was hoping that Ash would offer the information on her own.

"Ok, I'll text her." Ash pulled out her phone and scrolled through her messages slowly. She was purposely teasing her wife.

"Ashlyn!" Ali grabbed her phone. "What is it about? And don't try to mess with me either. I've had a long day." 

"Alright, I guess you're right." Ashlyn laughed. "I don't know for sure what it's about but I'm pretty sure it's about Alex and maybe making things official. If you know what I mean." Ash didn't want to just come out and say it in front of Sam because he had been known to spill a secret from time to time not knowing any better.

"Ah ha! That's what I thought." Ali was ready for some juicy gossip. "What all did she tell you?" 

"Not much. Trust me. But I might be able to get you more information if you let me text her." Ash stuck out her hand and was satisfied by Ali's quick response. She returned the phone and waited expectantly for Ash to contact their friend.

...

"So Ash, does Jacob have a cell phone?" Tobin asked.

Ashlyn was not expecting that to be the first thing out of Tobin's mouth during their walk.

"Yes. But he can only use it certain times. Why?" Ashlyn was suspicious. Tobin was up to something.

"I need to talk to him before he comes to visit. Can I have his number? I promise I won't be creepy with it." Tobin started to laugh at her joke, but Ashlyn wanted more information.

"Why?" 

"I told you. I need to talk to him."

"About what?" Ashlyn really wanted to know now.

"Don't worry about it. Just trust me." Tobin was not gonna budge.

The two went back and forth for several more minutes until Ashlyn gave up. 

"Fine! But you better tell me soon!" 

"Deal." Tobin was happy with that arrangement.

When Ashlyn returned from their walk Ali was not happy.

"What do you mean she didn't tell you? You should have refused until she did." Ali was dying to know what in the heck was going on.

"I'm not going to force her to tell me her proposal plans, if that's even what she needed to talk to Jake about. I mean, you know Tobin, she's probably got some deep wisdom she needs to share with him. We just have to trust her." Ashlyn had a point. Tobin was very trustworthy and she loved their kids.

"Fine. Whatever! What are you good for if I can't find out the gossip going on around here?" Ali had to settle for waiting to find out what Tobin was planning, just like everybody else. 

Ashlyn used her wife's ridiculous moping as an opportunity to start a tickle war with her. She enlisted Sam to help her attack. Ali couldn't help but leave her bad attitude behind and join her wife and son in their fun.

...

At dinner Tobin asked permission to take her little boyfriend out for ice cream. She also asked that Ali and Ashlyn babysit Alex while she was gone. 

"Does she have a bedtime? Does she have any special dietary needs? Do you have her diaper bag?" Ashlyn was cracking jokes all over the place.

Ali watched her wife laugh hysterically at the absolutely lame jokes she was telling. She shook her head and said, "Babe, please stop. You're embarrassing me and Sam."

"Sam, are you embarrassed?" Ashlyn knew her son would side with her.

"No, Mama. You're funny." Samuel stood up in Ashlyn's lap and tried to climb up higher. Ashlyn helped him find a seat on her shoulders.

"My son likes my jokes." Ashlyn gave her wife a very satisfied smile.

"You don't fight fair!" Ali turned to Alex and asked, "What are we gonna do tonight? Maybe we should leave her in the room and we can go have fun without her!"

"No, Mommy! You don't be mean to Mama!" Sam did not like Ali's suggestion of leaving Ashlyn out.

Ashlyn once again gave her wife a very satisfied smile. 

"You two don't fight fair." Ali whispered to Ashlyn. She then shifted her attention to her son, "Baby we would never leave your Mama out. I was just teasing her. You're sweet for standing up for her. You're a good boy." 

Ashlyn couldn't help but laugh at her wife's situation. She should know better by now. "Tobin, we'll take good care of Alex for you. No worries. Have fun with my main man." 

Ashlyn took him down from her shoulders and brought him back into her lap so that she could squeeze him a little while longer before Tobin took him away.

Tobin and Sam left a few minutes later and the three women left behind had to figure out some way to get along without them for the rest of the night.

...

When Tobin brought Samuel back Alex and Ali were sitting on Sam's bed watching tv and painting their nails. Ashlyn was napping on the other bed.

Sam gave Ali and Alex a hug and then joined his Mama for a nap. After Tobin, Alex and Ali talked for about thirty minutes the two guests left and Ali got ready for bed. 

When she was ready to sleep she moved Sam over to try to make room for her to get in bed next to him. She ended up waking him up and having a very interesting conversation with him involving Tobin and her upcoming plans. 

Ali found out Tobin was going to be making a move very soon. She also confirmed that her son still had a hard time keeping secrets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are amazing! I have loved getting your comments about where you are all from. We're one big happy family from all over the world. I love it!


	94. Favorites (Part Three)

"Tobiiiiiiin Heeeeeeeath." Ali said each syllable slowly and sarcastically.

"Ali Krieeeeeeeeger." Tobin matched her friend's tone.

"I had a very interesting conversation with my son last night." Ali needed to know more details. She decided to make it seem like she knew more than she did.

"Ok." Tobin didn't seem to care either way. She was almost as good at frustrating Ali as Ashlyn was.

"Tobin! Are you even listening to me?"

Ali's stern tone got the chill defender's attention.

"What? Geeze you sound like my girlfriend right now. I've got goosebumps." Tobin stuck out her arm to show Ali the proof. Usually when Alex showed irritation, and used the tone Ali just did, it meant Tobin was in trouble.

"I'm trying to talk to you about something very important. It might be in your best interest to pay attention." Ali explained.

"You and Alex could be twins right now." Tobin was being serious and made sure to show Ali she was now fully paying attention.

"That's better. I wanted to talk to you about my son."

Tobin's reply was a silent confused look.

"He's four." Ali stated the obvious but felt like Tobin wasn't considering his age with the responsibility she had placed on his shoulders.

"Yeah, I know. So?"

"I'm just wondering if it's wise for you to put all your eggs in his basket, if you know what I mean?" 

Ali actually knew very little about what Sam and Tobin had talked about, but what she was able to pull out of her son was that Tobin was going to use her little boy to help in her plan to propose to Alex. Or 'pro-po' as Sam called it.

"Hmm." Tobin thought for a moment. "Nah, it'll be fine." Tobin went back to scrolling through her phone.

Ali was disappointed. Tobin didn't fall for her plan. She wanted more information. She couldn't give up now.

"Tobin! We're still talking here." Ali put her hand over Tobin's phone to cover up the screen.

"Oh. Sorry." Tobin graciously gave Ali her attention again.

"I think it would be good for you to get the help of an adult. I could help you. Ash could help you. Especially when it comes to Sam. We could be a great team." Ali made a good point and Tobin thought so too.

"Maybe you're right." Tobin said.

Ali was starting to get excited. She was finally gonna find out all the juicy gossip. Maybe for once in her life she will find it out before Ashlyn.

"So, what do you need me to do?" Ali was ready.

"Huh? What?" Tobin was not tracking with her. This was the moment Ali realized she had failed.

"I can help you. Or Ashlyn?" Ali was willing to settle for her wife's involvement. At least she would still get the information she was looking for.

"Oh. Nah, don't worry about it. I'll probably just ask Cheney." Tobin foiled Ali's plan without even trying. 

The worst thing about it was that Lauren was a professional secret keeper. She was the definition of a faithful and dependable friend. There was no way Ali would be able to get any information out of her.

...

"Did you get her to talk?" Ashlyn asked her frustrated wife.

"No!" Ali hurled herself onto their hotel bed and groaned her frustrations into the bedding.

Ashlyn couldn't help but laugh. She patted her wife's butt in an offering of comfort and support. Samuel was asleep on his bed taking his afternoon nap. The women had a little bit of time to enjoy the quiet and each other's company.

Ashlyn wasn't going to let Tobin Heath's secrets steal her wife's attention from her. She laid down next to Ali and wedged her left arm and shoulder underneath her wife's head. Ali naturally let her body sink into Ashlyn.

Ash adjusted slightly to make sure that Ali's head was within reach of her lips.

Ashlyn began to kiss her wife's face. At first it started as a few innocent kisses, but soon Ali forgot all about Tobin's secrets and focused on the movement of her wife's lips and hands.

Ali moved from Ashlyn's shoulder to laying on top of her entire body. The couple continued to kiss and let their hands wander until things really heated up. 

Ali pulled her lips away from her wife when she felt Ashlyn's hand against her bare skin. Ash's hand was finding it's way up toward her wife's bra when Ali realized they needed to put on the brakes.

She put her face into the crook of Ashlyn's neck in search for her breath. She needed to calm down and get her wife to join her.

"Baby, Samuel." Two words. That's all it took for Ali to make her point. 

Ashlyn took a deep breath and gently pushed Ali off of her. It was hard for her to think of anything else with her beautiful wife on top of her. She needed space.

Ali knew the drill. With three kids, interruptions are not seldom. She knew her wife had a harder time than she did with moving on. Ali loved that about her.

Both women needed a few moments to extinguish the fire they had started. They ended up falling asleep waiting one another out. At least Ashlyn could dream about being with her wife. That's the best she could do, at the moment.

...

 

"You're driving my wife crazy." Ashlyn informed her old friend.

"I am?" Tobin was truly clueless.

"She wanted you to give her details about your upcoming plans. She said you shut her out." Ashlyn said.

"Oh. Does SHE want to be the one who helps me? I mentioned Lauren because she's my best friend. But I guess it makes sense that you or Ali help." Tobin needed a more direct approach. Ashlyn directed her into the right direction.

"I know she would love to be a part of your extravagant plan. I have no doubt she's gonna make me feel like an underachiever once she finds out all the epic plans you have." Ashlyn could just see her wife swooning over Tobin's romantic ways. She wasn't really looking forward to that inevitable outcome.

"Don't worry. I won't tell her everything. Just enough." 

"Why doesn't that surprise me?" Ashlyn laughed. Her wife was gonna get just enough information to make her even more crazy.

...

"Hey Al, can I talk to you for a minute?" Ali turned around to see Tobin standing behind her. This was it, she thought. Finally she would find out what was going on.

"Yeah, of course." Ali excused herself from Pinoe and Syd's presence and followed Tobin to a more private location. Tobs led Ali to the lobby of the hotel and gestured for her to take a seat.

"So, I was thinking about what you said and I thought maybe it would be good if you helped me and Sam out." Tobin was told by Ashlyn not to mention that Ash was the one to suggest this idea.

"Sure!" Ali couldn't hide her excitement. Her plan worked! At least as far as she knew it was her plan that put everything into motion.

"What do you need me to do?" Ali asked.

"I called Jake and asked him to bring some dressy clothes for Sam. So if you can make sure he looks good, that should do it." Tobin said.

Ali waited for Tobin to continue. She couldn't possibly be done. That's not even enough information to be called information.

"Are you sure that's all you need?" Ali asked in desperation for more.

"Um, yeah I think so." Tobin actually took a moment to think hard about the answer.

"I just thought maybe I could help you more." Ali was willing to be more specific if that's what it took.

"Oh. Hmm." Tobin thought about Ashlyn's talk with her earlier. She wanted to be a good sport. Both Ash and Ali meant a lot to her. She decided to try to be less mysterious.

"Well," Tobin said, "how about if you help me get the envelopes ready." 

"Envelopes?" Ali asked.

"Yeah, each part needs an envelope."

Ali wasn't gonna argue. She wasn't gonna press her luck either. She quickly agreed. "Sounds great! I'd be glad to help you with that!"

"Alright well, I gotta go buy some envelopes. I'll come get you later." And just like that Tobin disappeared. 

Ali was left sitting on the couch of the lobby thinking about what in the world she had gotten into. She had to talk to someone about this.

She needed to find her wife.

...

"Ashlyn, I feel like I know even less than when I started." Ali was not a happy camper.

"You don't know less. You know a little more." Ashlyn corrected her.

"I know Samuel is involved and she needs envelopes. That's it! I know two words. Samuel and envelopes." 

"I'm sure you'll find out more when you help her put everything together." Ash tried to encourage her wife.

"Are ya sure, Ashlyn?" Ali asked sarcastically. "What is it about our friend Tobin that makes you feel so confident that by the end of all this I will have even a clue of what is going on?"

"Good point." Ashlyn couldn't argue. Tobin was hard to read. Now she understood a little better about how Alex felt. 

"It's so frustrating." Ali put her head on her wife's shoulder. "And exhausting!"

"Sorry, babe. What can I do to make you feel better?" Ash asked.

"Can you kidnap Tobin and make her spill about her plans?"

"I probably shouldn't do that. But if you want I can see if she'll babysit Bam tonight so we can have some alone time." Ashlyn was really in need of some 'alone' time.

"Hmm." Ali hummed against her wife's shoulder. "That sounds really good, actually." 

Ashlyn was happy to hear her wife's response and right away texted Tobin to see if she was willing to help her out. 

Tobin replied immediately and asked her to ask Alex. She said it would be the perfect set up. Apparently, Tobin needed to work on some things that night.

As happy as Ali was to hear that Alex could watch Sam, Tobin's reply made her even more crazy about finding out what she was up too. 

Once again, Ali had to wait for an answer.


	95. Envelopes (Part One)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This contains the beginning of a long awaited prompt. I hope it was worth the wait.

Ali was sitting crossed legged on Tobin's hotel room floor. Tobin set out 5 envelopes. 

She handed Ali a post card of a painting.

"This is too big to fit in an envelope." Ali pointed out to Tobin.

"Right now, maybe." Tobin answered and left it at that.

"Tobin, my wife says I have to be really straightforward with you. Usually, I try not to be rude. But all of this mysterious stuff is going to kill me. So can you please be more specific?" Ali was done trying to figure Tobin out.

Tobin was clueless about her answer not being clear. She laughed it off. "Sorry. I'll try to be more detailed with my answers." Tobin turned the post card over and showed Ali the lines she had drawn on it. "Can you please cut along the lines. The separate pieces, as you can see, will fit easily into the envelopes."

"Ok." Ali took the scissors to one of the drawn out lines and looked up before making the first cut. "Thank you, Tobin. I know you're being more open for my sake. I really do appreciate it. I love you and Alex very much."

Tobin smiled. "It's no problem. Your input will probably make it even better for Alex. That's what's important."

Tobin began to draw simple pictures with a felt black tip pen on each envelope. Without being asked Tobin explained to Ali what she was doing. "Each of these envelopes represents something significant. The pictures correlate with the contents."

Ali was thankful for that little bit of information. Ashlyn had warned her before meeting with Tobin that she needed to respect Tobin's desire to keep things between her and Alex. She knew that eventually they would get most of the story, if not all of it. But they needed to be patient. Ash didn't want Ali to pressure Tobin into revealing more than she wanted.

"Great idea." Ali encouraged. She had to bite her tongue. She had to hold back the desire to ask what each envelope was about? What the contents were going to be? What did it all lead to?

But she remembered her wife's words. And she remembered how much she loved Tobin and Alex. She would wait for them to tell her in their timing.

Ali saw that one of the envelopes Tobin was working on had a small tree drawn in the middle of the front of it. It was just to the right of a small handwritten word. She couldn't quite make out what the word was. She hoped Tobin would show her the finished product.

Tobin pulled out a shoebox and searched it's contents very carefully. She delicately placed a small packet inside the tree envelope. She used hot wax to seal it and set it aside. Ali would never see what was inside. 

Tobin started to work on the next envelope. Ali couldn't see what she drew but she noticed that she put a torn page from a book into it. She asked for the post card pieces Ali had cut out and found the precise piece she wanted. She put it in the envelope and sealed it like the one before.

Ali was mesmerized by Tobin's careful movements. It was as if each movement was done with a specific purpose. Her eyes were focused on what she was doing. Ali smiled. Tobin could have been in that room all by herself. Ali had completely disappeared to Tobin as she prepared her gifts for Alex.

Her attention belonged completely to Alex.

...

"I told her this would happen?" Ashlyn interrupted her wife.

"You told who WHAT would happen?" Ali answered.

"I told Tobin that you would come back here bragging about how romantic and great she is and wish that I would've been more romantic." Ashlyn was ready to tell Tobin off.

"Sweetheart, I never compared you two. I was just telling you what I found out. I wouldn't change our proposal story for the world. It was perfect!" Ali lifted up her wife's arm and places it around her shoulders. She put her own arms around her wife's waist.

"I didn't exactly have the budget that Tobin does. We were young. I was barely making anything playing for the Flash." Ashlyn would've given Ali the world if she could. Ali felt like she did.

"Baby, I'm serious! I love what you did. You don't need to feel bad. Besides, waiting for as long as Tobin is making Alex wait would've killed me." Ali stood on the tips of her toes so that she could kiss her wife. 

"I love you, Alex." Ashlyn didn't think it was possible, but she loved her wife more everyday. Her love for Ali on their engagement day was nothing compared to the magnitude that it has grown to become.

"I love you, too." Just as Ali was about to place a tender kiss on her wife's lips her phone vibrated in her pocket.

She had to answer it. Her children and father were traveling to meet them.

"They're here!" Ali's excitement was obvious. She always missed her kids when she was away.

"Let's go get Sam from ARod's room." Ashlyn was also excited to see the rest of her family.

...

Ashlyn carried Sam over her shoulder as her and Ali walked to the lobby of the hotel. Sam drummed an excited beat on his Mama's back. The rest of the family looked just as anxious to see all three of them when they found each other in the lobby. 

Ash handed Sam off to Jake and and picked up Lexi. "I missed you, little princess!" 

"I missed you too, Mama!" Lexi hugged Ash and excitedly told her about the A+ she had received on her math homework.

Ali held her oldest son while Sam reacquainted himself with Jake's face. Sam smashed his brother's cheeks together while making robot noises.

Ali's Dad took Sam from his oldest grandson and gave Ali a kiss on the cheek before carrying Sam away to explore the hotel lobby. This gave Ali an opportunity to give her oldest son a proper hug. 

"I missed you so much!" Ali said. Jake might have thought that his Mom was just trying to make him feel good, but he saw that she was on the verge of tears. She must've really missed him.

"Switch!" Ashlyn interrupted their moment and handed Lexi over to Ali so that she could get a hug from her son. 

The family was happy to be back together. 

...

The family got ready in Ashlyn and Ali's room for dinner. Ali was careful when getting Sam ready because she knew he had an important role tonight. 

Sam had on khaki shorts, a button up blue dress shirt, and a little bow tie to top off the ensemble. Ali thought his little body looked so cute in his fancy clothes.

Ashlyn styled his hair to look like a little business man. She combed it to the side and put gel in it to hold it in place. He looked rather dapper. Lexi was jealous about all of the attention her brother got, but it had to be done. Tobin needed him.

...

Tobin had everything planned out ahead of time. She even brought clothes for Alex to wear for the giving of the first envelope.

Alex knew Tobin had something wonderful planned. She had hoped that it was a proposal. She was all nerves of excitement. She had waited far too long for this moment to come.

Alex put on the blue dress that she knew was Tobin's favorite and left her hair down, just how Tobin likes it. She waited with butterflies in her stomach for Tobin to arrive.

Tobin was in her own room carefully sorting her envelopes. She knew which one she needed. She put them in order when she first put them away. For the last 20 minutes she was checking and re-checking everything to make sure it was perfect.

Tobin finally pulled the first envelope out of the box and held it close to her heart. She whispered a prayer to the One she knew had seen this day long before she was ever born. 

She was finally ready.

...

She dropped off the first envelope with Ashlyn and told her to take good care of it. Ashlyn nodded and wished her luck as she went to retrieve her love. 

Alex heard three gentle knocks on her door.

"This is it." Alex said quietly.

She opened the door and saw the most beautiful person in her world.

"Tobin, you look beautiful." Alex said. Tobin was wearing Alex's favorite black dress. Alex says it hugs every one of her perfect curves just right.

"Thank you." Tobin's face was warmed by the blush of nerves and embarrassment. She felt self-conscious all of a sudden. She hoped her plan would be deserving of the woman standing in front of her.

"You look beautiful, Alex." Tobin was acting somewhat shy in front of the person who knew her best. Tobin kept her head down as she reached out her hand for Alex to take.

Alex thought her girlfriend was sweet. She never felt like Tobin took her for granted. She always made her feel special. She made her feel like she was the most beautiful person in the world.

Tobin took Alex out to a fancy restaurant, just as Alex expected. But Tobin didn't do anything else that Alex had expected. After dinner Tobin walked her back to their hotel and dropped her off at her room. 

"Do I at least get a goodnight kiss?" Alex asked. She was a little disappointed. She thought for sure Tobin wouldn't go through all the trouble she did just to go out to dinner.

"Umm, no." Tobin answered. She was clearly nervous. 

"No?" Alex sighed. "I don't get you, Tobs." Alex turned to open the door. She was on the verge of tears and needed to turn away from the one who had caused it. She was in a hurry to get out of the hall and away from Tobin's deep brown eyes.

When she opened the door she found her room was candle lit and filled with rose petals. She saw her bathroom door open up and a well-dressed Samuel Krieger-Harris walk out. He had one hand in his pocket and casually waved the other.

"Hi, Alex." 

Tobin was standing behind Alex and Sam couldn't help but greet her too.

"Hi, Toby!" He smiled big at his friend.

The sound of Tobin's nickname brought Alex back to the moment. She turned toward her girlfriend feeling more confused than ever.

"Sam, you're looking very handsome today." Tobin encouraged the boy. All the while Alex was staring right at her with her back to the little boy.

"Thanks!" Sam always loved a compliment.

"Sam-Bam, can you give Alex what you have in your pocket?"

Sticking out of the boy's back pocket was an envelope that was a lot more wrinkled now than it was when she gave it to his parents.

"Here, Alex." He handed it off and added, "Me and Toby love you."

Tobin gave him a high five and opened the room door to let him join his Mommy in the hall. She quickly stuck her head out and mouthed the words 'thank you' before giving all of her attention back to her girlfriend.

"What is this, Tobs?" Alex was holding an envelope with a heart being held in two hands drawn on the front. 

"Open it." Tobin watched Alex carefully. She wanted to memorize every detail of her face.

Alex pulled out a slip of paper that said 'It all belongs to you.' It was written in Tobin's handwriting, which was small and a little sloppy. Behind the paper was a puzzle piece shaped cut out of a post card. The picture looked like it was an older painting, but Alex couldn't tell from the small piece what the rest of the picture was.

"Tobin?" Alex held up the paper and the puzzle piece. It was time for Tobin to explain.

"I've been thinking for a long time about how I wanted to do this."

As soon as Alex heard that her heart began to beat faster in her chest.

"I know you say I don't talk enough or share my feelings enough. But I honestly have too many things that I want to say to fit into just one moment, or one day." Tobin swallowed hard. It was now or never.

She took a step closer to Alex and held out her hand for her to take. Alex clumsily placed the envelope's contents back and took Tobin's hand.

"This is the first piece of my heart. The hands on the envelope represent me giving it to you freely. This envelope represents my vulnerability. That's why I had Sam give it to you. You always say that I have a childlike innocence about certain things. I'm trusting you to take care of it. I'm entrusting you with my vulnerability, my insecurities, my past, and even my weaknesses. You're the only one who really knows me. You're the only one who I know I can trust with all of those things."

Alex's eyes were dripping with tears. Her girlfriend had really thought this through. She knew that whatever was coming was going to exceed anything she could have expected.

"Will you take care of this part of my heart, Alex?" Tobin asked

"Yes!" Alex couldn't stand to be anywhere but in Tobin's arms. She embraced her and cried tears of overwhelming joy.

Alex pulled away enough to make sure Tobin could see her face. "Where are the other pieces?" Alex asked. She was referring to the puzzle piece in her envelope.

"Lex, you always ask me if my adventurous soul can ever settle down." Tobin cleared her throat and made sure Alex was paying attention. 

"I'm about to show you the greatest adventure of my life."


	96. Envelopes (Part Two)

"So what exactly is going on? Are you like engaged now?" Kelley heard about the 'envelope' and was thoroughly confused.

"Um, I guess you could say I'm in the process of being proposed to." Alex answered.

"That's weird." Kelley didn't understand the need for a multiple day proposal. "Tobin's weird."

"She's not weird. She's thoughtful. I guarantee you that whatever is coming is going to be the best engagement story you've ever heard. So be nice to my Toby!" Alex didn't understand Tobin's proposal completely either, but she trusted that her girlfriend wanted to make it special and that was enough for her.

"But wouldn't you have been happier just to get it over with. She's been dragging her feet for forever. What if she chickens out at the last minute?" Kelley said.

Ali was sitting at the table with Sam while the rest of her family filled their plates with food at the buffet. She had heard Kelley and Alex's discussion and couldn't help but give her opinion too.

"Tobin is not going to back out. Anyone would be lucky to have someone propose the way that she is doing it. Her love for Alex can't fit into a one day event." Ali was very protective of Tobin. As much as she frustrated her recently with her mysterious ways, Tobin was a dear friend to the family and she wasn't gonna let anyone say anything bad about her. Even if it was one of Tobin's best friends.

As Ali was defending Tobin, Ashlyn took her seat at the table with Lexi. She helped her daughter with her juice and made sure she had a napkin in her lap. Jacob and Ali's Dad filled in the rest of the empty seats and the family sat together and had lunch. Ali was loving having her kids there. She felt like they were at home around their own dinner table.

Samuel gave up his seat to let Tobin sit down next to Alex. His only requirement was that she let him sit in her lap. It was a great deal for both of them. Samuel ended up eating all of Tobin's strawberries and got a mild scolding from Ali. Tobin, of course, didn't care.

"Tobin, I need you to clarify some things for me." Kelley was going to get to the bottom of Tobin's plan if it was the last thing she did.

"Uh, ok." Tobin was confused but was ready to help her friend if she could.

Ali stopped Kelley before she could say anything. "Kel, leave her alone. It's between her and Alex. She's doing everything perfectly."

Ali thought she was helping, but what she was actually doing was making her wife feel insecure about the way she proposed.

"Al, you don't have to defend Tobin. She can take care of herself." Ashlyn said. These were the first words she had spoken since she sat down.

Ali didn't catch the look of hurt in Ashlyn's eyes. She wanted to defend her friend. Ashlyn would normally be the first one to defend Tobin. Ali didn't understand why Ash even made an issue about it.

"I'm not defending her, I'm just saying Kel doesn't need to question what she's doing. I think it's beautiful." Ali defended herself, not realizing that she was making Ashlyn feel worse.

Ash felt like Ali deserved the best. She always felt inadequate in their early years together. Even though Ali thought everything about Ashlyn's proposal and courtship was perfect, Ash felt like it was never enough.

Ash didn't argue. She went back to eating her lunch quietly and letting Ali, Alex, and Kelley gossip.

Tobin cleared her throat. "What do you wanna know, Kel?" She asked.

"For starters, how long is this proposal deal going to last? When is my girl gonna get a ring?" Kelley asked.

"Kelley!" Alex was horrified. She figured she was getting a ring but she didn't want to pressure Tobin into anything and it seemed rude to ask about something like that.

"What?" Kelley didn't seem to think she said anything wrong. Finally it dawned on her why Alex was offended for her girlfriend.

"Alex, I've seen the ring. She's had it for like forever." Kelley said.

Tobin's eyes grew big. She didn't want Alex to know all that. For some reason she felt like it made her look bad to have had it for so long and not to have made a move.

Tobin hid her face behind Sam and tried not to feel stupid. Alex noticed. She subtly reached for Tobin's hand and offered it a squeeze of support. Alex didn't care about how long she had the ring, or even IF she had a ring. She just wanted to marry Tobin and start a family with her.

Tobin came out from hiding and offered Alex a smile. She finally decided to answer her friend. "Alex will get the ring that I've had for like forever," Tobin mocked Kelley, "when the time is right."

"That's it?" Kelley was not satisfied with that answer. "Ok. So how about the envelope? I'm assuming there's more. How many? And when will she get those?"

"Kel, I'm not telling you any of that. I want Alex to be expecting it at any moment. But it will be over a period of time." Tobin answered.

"How long is a period of time?" This time it was Alex doing the asking. She felt like she was going to explode. She didn't know if she would be able to wait much longer.

"Not too long, babe." Tobin smiled.

Both Ali and Alex looked like they were smitten. Ali loved a good romantic love story. She felt like she wasn't only seeing one unfold before her but she got to play a small part in it, as well.

"I'm gonna lay down." Ash suddenly stood up. "Are you ok with the kids?" Ash asked her wife. 

Ali was caught off guard by Ashlyn's sudden desire to leave. She gave her a good long look and decided something was wrong. 

"We'll be fine, but can I talk to you for a minute?" Ali stood up. She knew something was up.

Ali walked with Ash into the hallway before asking, "Is something wrong?" 

"I'm just not feeling up to staying here, right now." Ashlyn answered.

"Are you sick?" Ali quickly put her palm on Ashlyn's forehead to feel for a fever.

"No, I..." Ashlyn had to think of something quick. She knew if she told her wife the real reason she was leaving, it would turn into a big discussion and she just wanted to stop thinking about her incompetence in her ability to love Ali correctly. "...I have a headache." Ashlyn lied.

"Oh no! Is it bad?" Ali was understandably worried.

"It's just a regular old headache. Nothing to worry about. I'm gonna lay down until it goes away." Ash felt even worse because not only did she lie but she made her wife worry. She felt like a terrible wife.

"Ok. Feel better, sweetheart. I love you." Ali gave her wife a kiss and sent her to their room to get some rest.

Lunch ended soon after Ashlyn's departure. Jacob and Ali both worried that Ashlyn was really sick. Ali sent the kids with her dad for an hour so she could check on her wife and keep the room quiet.

...

"Hey, Lex." Tobin and Alex went for a walk after lunch. They wanted to enjoy a little private time of their own. Tobin was holding Alex's hand as they looked for interesting shops around the hotel.

"Yeah?" Alex was extra attentive to every move Tobin made. She didn't know what or when the next part of her proposal was coming so she wanted to make sure she was alert.

"Do you think all of this is dumb?" Tobin asked. She was feeling a little bit self-conscious.

"You mean the proposal?" 

"Yeah. I know you would probably prefer for me to have done it all at the restaurant and left it at that. Right?" 

"Tob, I would have been fine with that. Maybe I even expected that but..." Alex wanted to reassure Tobin, but it was hard to do that when she didn't know what was coming. "...I'm sure whatever you have planned is perfect."

"I guess I spent so long trying to make sure it was just right that maybe I complicated it too much. I don't want you to be disappointed." Tobin recently realized that her thoughtful drawn out plan might not be what Alex would prefer, or even want. She was worried she did the wrong thing.

"Baby, I don't want you to change a thing. There is no possible way you could ever disappoint me. This is going to be the greatest moment of my life."

Tobin rolled her eyes. "Great. No pressure or anything." She laughed and put her arm around Alex's waist. 

...

When Ali got to their room after lunch she found her wife asleep. Ali set down the plate of food she brought for Ashlyn, knowing that she'd be hungry later. Ali laid down next to her wife and took her usual spot, putting her head on Ash's shoulder and arm across her waist.

Ashlyn wasn't sleeping. She was faking it. She didn't have the heart to tell her wife why she was upset. 

Ali let Ashlyn 'sleep' for 45 minutes and then decided to wake her up. The kids, including a high energy Samuel, would be on their way soon and there was no way Ashlyn would be able to sleep through that.

"Sweetheart." Ali whispered as she ran her fingers up and down her wife's arm. "You need to wake up, honey.

Ashlyn opened her eyes and smiled at her wife. 

"Hey." Ali greeted her. "How are ya feeling?" 

"Ok." Ash answered.

"No more headache?"

"No."

"Thank God." Ali let out a sigh of relief. "Honestly, I was a little worried about you."

"Sorry." Ashlyn really felt bad now.

"As long as you're ok, I'm ok." Ali said. Ash thought she was too sweet. She thought she was too good for her.

"I'm fine." Ashlyn said in a discouraged tone.

Ali sat up and looked down at her wife. "That didn't sound too convincing." Ali had just figured out that her wife wasn't telling her the whole story. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing!" Ash said. She sounded defensive. That was confirmation to Ali that something was, in fact, wrong.

"Ashlyn, you're going to tell me the truth now." Ali was concerned. She knew she missed something.

"Fine!" Ashlyn sighed with frustration. "I guess I feel a little bad."

"What kind of bad?" Ali needed to know what the proper level of worry was needed at the moment.

"Not depressed bad. Just normal bad." Ash answered.

"Ok." That made Ali feel a little better. "Well, what do you feel bad about?"

"I don't know!" Ash said. Her frustration was evident.

"Sweetheart, please."

"I guess I was getting upset with how perfect you thought Tobin's proposal was. It made me feel like I wasn't good enough." 

"What?" Ali was shocked. "What does Tobin's proposal have to do with you being good enough?" 

"You seem really impressed with her and I guess I felt like I should've done better."

"We've already talked about this. Everything you did was perfect. Baby, you moved to Germany for me. You flew my brother out so that I could share it with him. I don't know what else you could have possibly done to make it any more perfect." Ali really believed that everything Ash had done was perfect.

"But you seem so impressed that Tobin's love can't fit into a one day event." Ash quoted Ali from earlier.

"Is that what this is about?" Ali pulled Ashlyn up so that she was sitting up. "You're mad because you didn't think of it first!" 

"I'm not mad, Alex. I'm not good enough. You deserve all that stuff. But I either couldn't afford it or didn't have the emotional ability to give it to you." Ashlyn was frustrated that her wife couldn't understand why she was so upset. 

"You know what? You need to stop feeling like you're not enough. I'm sorry if I'm being insensitive, or whatever, but there is nothing about you that isn't enough. Our engagement story is different than Tobin and Alex. So what? We aren't them! The reason I think their proposal is perfect for them is because Tobin is the one doing it. It's exactly how Tobin should do it. If you did that, it wouldn't be the same."

Ali took one of Ashlyn's hands and drew lines with her finger on her open palm. She concentrated on her wife's hand in her own. 

"Ash, your proposal was perfect because you committed everything to me. All at once. Do you remember? You said I was your family. You left being close to your grandparents to be near me, but I see that it was even more than that. All of the stuff that you went through and fought to survive through, all of that stuff...you left it behind too. You chose me. You chose a future with me. A future that would include happy memories. A happy family. Our engagement story was perfect because of what it meant in the context of our story."

"So, you knew what I was thinking even though I didn't tell you?" Ash smiled. "When I flew to Germany, that first time, in my heart..." Ash swallowed hard, she could feel her emotions rising. "In my heart I was letting myself be reborn. I was flying into a new life. That's what you are to me, Alex. You're my life. A fresh start."

"I know. And that's what you are for me." Ali took Ashlyn's face in both her hands and pulled her in for a kiss. "Ashlyn, I didn't even know who I was until I met you. You make me a better version of myself."

"You're a pretty good version of you all on your own." Ash smiled. Ali still had a hold of her face. 

"I love you. Are we good?" Ali wanted to make sure her wife had gotten the message and was feeling better.

"Yeah." Ash paused to give her wife a peck on the lips. "We're good."

...

Tobin knocked gently on Alex's door and waited for her girlfriend to answer. She took a deep breath and readied herself for her next leap of faith.

"Hey, babe!" Alex was glad to see Tobin. She was always glad to see Tobin.

"Hey. Is that what you're wearing?" Tobin looked Alex over and didn't seem to approve.

"Yeah, why? Am I underdressed?" Alex looked at her girlfriend and saw that she was actually overdressed. Alex was wearing a casual summer dress and Tobin was in soccer shorts and a tank top.

"Um, well I think you look great but..." Tobin didn't want to hurt Alex's feelings but she knew she would be more comfortable if she changed. "...yeah you should change."

"Tobin, if you would just talk to me and actually tell me what's going on once in awhile maybe we wouldn't always have this problem." Alex headed to her gym bag to grab some more casual attire.

"Sorry, Lex." Tobin felt stupid. She should've thought to tell her where they were headed. "I forgot."

"It's ok, Tobin. I'm mostly messing with you. I love your free spirit." Alex approached Tobin with an appropriate outfit in her hands and gave her a quick kiss before she went to the bathroom to change.

Alex knew Tobin. She knew that Tobin had a plan that she had carefully thought through, for who knows how long. Alex also knew that whenever she changes in front of her girlfriend, Tobin has a hard time concentrating on anything else. 

They have missed many events and occasions due to Tobin's tendency to get distracted. Alex knew that if she wanted to find out exactly what Tobin planned she needed to keep her girlfriend focused. Keeping all that in mind, she decided to change out of Tobin's line of sight.

"Alright, I'm all ready." Alex had on a nike shirt and shorts. "Tennis shoes, ok?" Alex asked. Tobin was wearing flip flops.

"Yup." 

Alex sat down on her bed to put her socks and shoes on and Tobin dutifully offered a hand to help her up once she was finished.

"Where are we going, babe?" Alex asked while taking Tobin's hand.

"I thought we could kick around the ball a little." 

"Really?" Alex loved practicing with Tobin but they had practiced all day. She assumed they would do something else.

"Yeah. Is that ok?" 

"Of course!" Alex figured out she needed to be careful. Tobin was second guessing herself. She wanted Tobin to lead without fear. 

"Ok, good." 

Tobin led Alex by the hand to the team equipment room and picked out a ball. She dribbled and juggled all the way to a nearby park. Alex got a kick out of watching people stare at Tobin's skills with the ball. She was proud to be her girlfriend.

When they got to a nice sized grassy area Tobin passed the ball to Alex. The two passed back and forth for a few minutes before Tobin started to explain.

"It might seem dumb but I picked this," Tobin gestured toward the ball she just kicked to Alex, "because when I was younger my dad always teased me and said that my ball was my best friend. I would practice for hours. Maybe it was. I don't know." 

Alex noticed that Tobin looked a little sad. "Are you ok?" She asked even though she didn't want to interrupt.

Tobin, however, was on a mission. She was focused in on her purpose. 

She didn't hear Alex's question because she was visiting another time in her life. In her mind she saw herself in her family's backyard juggling her soccer ball. Her family had a plan for her future and who she would grow up to be, but Tobin knew she was different. 

She felt like she didn't fit in. People often called her names like 'weirdo' or 'airhead.' Tobin certainly was different. But it was the kind of different that was beautiful. She should be celebrated not ridiculed. But when you're an awkward kid, people mistaken beauty for something else. 

Tobin would spend hour after hour juggling or perfecting her technique on the ball. She felt like her life made sense when she had a soccer ball at her feet. She didn't feel so alone or awkward.

Alex was used to her girlfriend's deep thought processes. She would take time to formulate a sentence that perfectly described how she was feeling or what she thought about something. Usually these deep thoughts blew everyone away when they heard them. 

Alex was waiting to be blown away.

"I never felt quite right when I was younger. I'm sure there are a lot of reasons for that." Tobin laughed. "I guess I'm weird." 

Alex's mind went back to when Kelley said Tobin was weird at lunch. "You're not weird, babe. You're perfect."

"No, I'm weird." Tobin answered. "I'm different. When I was a kid everything felt unsettled. It felt off. But I'd take my ball outside and it all made sense. I fit." 

Tobin took out Alex's second envelope. 

"Here. You should open this one now." She handed a folded up envelope to Alex.

Alex was excited. She had been waiting for this ever since she got the first one.

The envelope had a simple circle drawn on it with the word friendship written next to it. Alex opened the envelope and found an old friendship bracelet, another puzzle piece and a piece of paper with 'John 15:13' written on it in Tobin's sloppy handwriting.

"What's this?" Alex asked holding up the bracelet. She knew there must be a story behind it.

"When I was little I made that with my mom. She told me to give it to my best friend." Tobin laughed, but it wasn't a joyful laugh. It sounded sad. "I didn't have a best friend, at the time. The kids at school thought I was weird." 

Alex knew that Tobin was an awkward kid at first. It was soccer that pulled her out of her shell and gave her confidence to proudly be herself. 

"I guess now I will always have a best friend." Tobin took the bracelet out of Alex's hand and asked if she could tie it around her wrist. Alex gladly obliged and held out her wrist for her to fasten it. 

"Tob, what is this verse?" Alex held the paper with the handwritten verse on it. 

"It says that the greatest kind of love is the kind that sacrifices one's life for their friend." Tobin got serious. She took both of Alex's hands and said, "I want to offer you my heart in friendship and promise to always lay down my life for you. I promise to forgive you, even when I don't feel like. I promise to be the first one to apologize and the last one to get angry. I promise to get up in the middle of the night to check on our future kids so that you can sleep. I promise to let you watch the bachelor and whatever stupid reality show you want. I promise to put you first. Always."

"Tobin, you already do all of that stuff." Alex quickly corrected herself. "Except for the kids thing." She laughed.

"Someday." Tobin promised. "Alex, will you accept my heart of friendship for you? Will you choose me, like I've chosen you, to walk through life not just as lovers but as friends?"

"Yes!" Alex was in tears. Tobin was a better friend to her than anyone had ever been. She was always patient and kind beyond belief. 

Tobin kissed Alex and the two played soccer for the rest of the night.

...

When Tobin dropped off Alex she had one more envelope to give her.

"Hey, Lex." Tobin asked as they reached Alex's door.

"Yeah, babe."

"I have one more thing to ask you, but it doesn't have anything to do with the proposal, so I don't want you to think it's that." 

"Ok." Alex thought only Tobin would either be so awkwardly honest that she would warn her about what was coming, or she would try to hide what was coming by saying it wasn't coming. Tobin was confusing, Alex decided.

"Um, here." Tobin handed Alex an envelope that was blank on the outside. 

Alex opened it to find an itinerary for a flight to Paris at the beginning of next week.

"Paris?" Alex asked.

"Yeah, I need to sign some paperwork to be released for good. I know it's gonna be kinda sad. I was hoping you would come with me."

"Of course, Tobs!" Alex took Tobin in her arms and gave her a hug. She determined that if Tobin needed her then she would be there every step of the way. 

She had no idea Tobin had other plans for them in Paris.


	97. Envelopes (Part Three)

After two weeks of camp and one week of separation from their children Ashlyn and Ali were ready to go home. 

Ashlyn laid on the floor at the airport with her feet propped up on the seat next to where her wife was sitting. Her head was resting on a travel pillow and her eyes were becoming heavy. Camp was a huge success for Ashlyn. She felt she showed up for every practice and every drill ready to do her best. 

All the hard work paid off. It also wore her out. She felt like she could sleep for days. 

Ali, on the other hand, was wide awake. She was eager to get home and not only see her kids, but also her mom. Her mom had been taking care of their children for the last week at their house. 

Ali caught up on emails and social media while Ashlyn took a nap. As the time got closer to departure, the waiting area started to fill up. Ali was working hard on her laptop. She didn't notice the crowd forming. 

It took someone tripping over her wife to get her attention.

"Ow!" Ashlyn had been stepped on. 

A man about Ali's father's age seemed to have stepped on Ashlyn's stomach. There was no way of knowing if it was on purpose or an accident.

"What kind of a person lays down on the floor so that they're in the way of everyone else? How inconsiderate can you be?" The man was angry and wasn't trying to hide it.

"What kind of a person doesn't watch where they're going and steps on someone?" Ashlyn replied. She stood up to confront the man.

Everything happened so fast. Ashlyn was on her feet before Ali could put her computer down and intervene.

"You have a lot of nerve, you know that? There are hundreds of other people here. You're rude and thoughtless. We all pay just as much as you do to fly, why should we be treated like second class people so that you can look like a homeless person lying on the ground?"

Ali was not happy with how close the angry man was getting to her wife. She stepped in between them. "Why don't you back off. She fell asleep when the area was empty. No one is saying anyone is 'second class.' And quite frankly, you owe her an apology. Or maybe you think we're second class because we're women?" Ali thought she would point the finger right back at him.

Ashlyn pulled Ali away from the man. Ali had gotten closer and closer to him causing him to have to take a few steps back.

"Why don't we all just sit in our seats and let it go." Ash didn't feel like having to bail her wife out of jail. She wasn't sure what an angry Ali was capable of.

"Fine." The man picked up his bag that he had dropped and left the women alone.

"That guy was a jerk!" Ali exclaimed, well aware that the man could still hear her.

"Yeah." Ash sat down in the seat next to her wife and pulled Ali down to sit beside her. 

"Are you ok?" Ali asked.

"Yeah, he knocked the wind out of me, though."

"I didn't see what happened. What did he do?" Ali asked.

"He stepped on me." Ash pulled up her shirt to check if there was any damage. Sure enough there was a red spot where his shoe left it's mark.

"I hate him. We should spill a drink on him, or something." 

Ash laughed at her vengeful wife. "Spill a drink? What a maniacal plan! Did you pick that up in prison?"

"Don't make fun of me! I'm trying to defend your honor!" Ali was only partially serious.

"Whatever you do don't shank him."

"What does that even mean?" It was now Ali's turn to laugh at her wife.

"It's when you stab someone with a shiv." 

"What's a shiv? Who are you?" Ali was not familiar with the prison terminology her wife was throwing around.

"Babe, you are so innocent and delicate. Just like a little flower. You're my innocent little tulip." Ash teased.

"Tulip? Why did you pick a tulip?" Ashlyn had successfully calmed her wife down and lightened the mood.

"I don't know, babe. I'm really tired. And some old dude just stepped on me." Ashlyn lifted up her wife's arm and leaned in to rest her head on her shoulder. This was nothing new for Ali, she instinctively put her arm around her wife's waist and pulled her in closer to her. Ashlyn slept for another 30 minutes before the plane began boarding.

Once the women found their seats and got comfortable Ashlyn said, "I wonder what Alex and Tobin are doing?"

"There going on a romantic adventure! " Ali answered. "But you know what?" Ali nudged her wife gently to make sure she had her full attention.

"What?"

"I'm lucky because my romantic adventure happens every day I'm with you!" Ali smiled, waiting for her wife to make fun of her.

Ash leaned down to give her a kiss. As she sat back in her seat Ali heard what she knew was coming. 

"Cheesy line, babe. Good thing I love ya."

...

Alex and Tobin left for Portland to stay for a night before heading out to Paris. Alex convinced Tobin that she needed to get some more clothes for the trip. 

Tobin originally planned to leave straight from camp to start the next step of her proposal. She had to pay a fee to change the tickets, but any price was worth it to Tobin if it made Alex happy.

Tobin left early the next morning after their flight to Portland. Alex wasn't surprised, she knew her girlfriend well. Tobin was a thinker. And a very deep thinker, at that. She would oftentimes venture off alone for an hour or two to contemplate things important to her. She usually brought along her Bible and headphones to make sure she could block out the world of distractions around her. 

On this particular morning she decided to take her longboard along and skate through the area. Alex would always wonder what kind of injury she would come home with when she did this. 

Tobin had a tendency to get consumed by her thoughts and zone out. She would usually run into something causing her to scrape her knee or elbow. It was never anything too serious.

As Tobin was deep in thought, as expected, she ran into something. But the something she ran into wasn't a thing, at all. 

It was a someone.

"Hey man, I'm so sorry." Tobin apologized to the older gentlemen sitting against a stop sign pole.

The man didn't reply.

Tobin crouched down so that she could get a better look at the man and figured out he was blind.

"Dude, are you ok?" Tobin asked and put her hand on his dirty jacket.

"You're still here." The man replied.

"Yeah. Um, is that ok? I wanted to make sure you weren't hurt." 

"People usually leave when they run into me." The man answered.

He was used to people not noticing him. He was used to people not caring, because he was a homeless blind man who had no value to their existence.

"I couldn't leave. I'm really sorry if I hurt you. Are you ok?"

"Yes. I'm fine....thank you." For this man this was the first time in a long time someone actually acknowledged him. 

Tobin decided her ride was done. She sat next to the man and talked to him for almost an hour.

...

Alex was making Tobin and her coffee when she heard her soon-to-be fiancé open the door. Immediately her face erupted in a smile. She knew good things were coming.

"Babe, I just finished the coffee. You wanna cup?" Alex yelled toward the front door of their apartment. She didn't look to see who was there. She knew it was her girlfriend.

"Yeah, sure." Tobin took her time closing the door behind her, Alex could usually hear the weight of the door close.

Alex figured she might be carrying something and needed her help. When she came out from the kitchen she got a good look at what was in her girlfriend's hands. 

Tobin had an elderly man's arm in her grip and was helping him in. She led him to their couch before looking up to find a very confused Alex.

"Alex! Hey, babe." Tobin greeted her with a kiss. She walked into their kitchen and found the mug Alex had set out for her. She filled it with the fresh coffee Alex had made.

"Tobin." Alex whispered. "Who is that man?" Alex peeked out carefully to get another good look at him.

"Oh yeah, that's George." Tobin inhaled the smell of the delicious brew and took a cautious sip of the hot liquid.

"Tobin!" Alex was always surprised at how unaware her girlfriend is. For Tobin to think that Alex only wanted to know the man's name was crazy.

"What?" Tobin looked at Alex like she was the one who was insane.

"Tobin, who is George and why is he in our apartment?" 

"Oh yeah um, I hit him with my longboard. We became friends. I wanted to take him out to breakfast but then I remembered you were here waiting and we have a plane to catch. So...ya know?" Tobin left her future wife more confused than ever.

"Tobin?" 

"Yeah?" Tobin looked at Alex more thoroughly and saw that she wasn't happy. "What's wrong?" Alex now had her full attention.

"You brought a stranger into our apartment. Do you know how dangerous that is?" 

"He's blind. He needs help." It was so simple to Tobin.

"Ok." Alex shook her head and tried to figure out the best way to handle the situation. He was already there so there was no reason to kick him out without feeding him. 

"Tobin, we can feed him. That's fine. But what exactly were you planning for us to do after he's eaten?" 

"Well, I figured we're leaving this afternoon. We can have him stay here while we're gone. It's not like we'll be using the apartment."

And just like that Alex was sure her almost fiancé was from another planet.

"Tobin, he can't stay here! Do you know how dangerous it is that he even knows where we live?"

"Alex, he's 80 years old. He's blind. He's not dangerous. He's hungry and alone. Why not let him use our stuff? We don't need it. We have a full fridge of food that will probably go bad by the time we get back. What's the problem?" 

Tobin truly didn't understand. It all made sense to her. If you have something extra that someone else needs you give it to them.

"Baby, it's so sweet of you to want to help, but things just aren't done like this." Alex argued. She really did love Tobin's perspective and her heart, but it wasn't practical.

"Maybe things should be done like this. Maybe there would be less people who are barely making it and more people not accumulating worthless stuff that they don't need."

"You are too compassionate for your own good, Tobin." Alex let out a frustrated sigh and said loudly, "George, what would you like for breakfast?"

...

"My babies!" Ali gave all three of her children a big hug. Ashlyn walked in behind her carrying all of their luggage and rolling her eyes. Ali's mom hurried to help her.

"I guess someone's excited to see her family." Ali's mom said to Ashlyn.

"Yep, she can't stand being away for too long. As soon as we were dropped off she sprinted to the house. I guess she figured her personal butler would carry all of these." She quickly dropped the bags on the floor. Ashlyn gave Deb a hug and thanked her for all of her help.

Ashlyn waited as long as she could before she joined in on the hugging action. She wrapped her arms around all three of her children and lifted them up slightly.

"Baby, your back!" Ali warned. She knew her wife was a little too ambitious with her hugs.

"It's fine." She set them down and Ali and her took turns hugging each one on their own. They made sure to let each child know how missed and loved they were.

"Mama, I missed you more!" Sam was Ashlyn's little love bug. He clung to her neck and refused to let go. "Up, up, Mama!" 

Ashlyn from her knelt down position lifted him up and decided to hold him for most of the day. She knew these moments wouldn't last forever. If her son wanted to be held and loved on, she couldn't say no.

After the family had lunch together, Ali had an idea.

"Sweetheart, do you think you can manage the boys for the afternoon? I would like to take Mom and Lexi to get our nails done. I feel like we owe her so much for taking care of the kids. I'd like to thank her somehow." Ali asked.

"Yeah, that's fine. Maybe I'll take the boys somewhere too." Ash had to think about where they might like to go. "I'll see what Jake wants to do."

The boys ended up wanting to go to the go carts place where their grandpa took them recently. Ashlyn picked up Joey and brought him, along with Ali's dad. 

Both groups ended up having a blast.

...

Alex and Tobin ended up finding an empty apartment in their building. Alex quickly made arrangements to rent it for the elderly man and have basic furniture delivered for him, before Tobin gave away all of their own stuff.

Tobin called her younger brother, who was of a similar nature and mindset as her, and asked if he would be comfortable staying in their apartment and daily checking on the elderly man. 

The women didn't have a lot of time to do everything Tobin would've liked, so she wanted to make sure he was well taken care of. Her brother was more than happy to help. Alex and Tobin got him the first ticket they could find to Portland.

"George, you have a full fridge and by the end of the day you'll have a bed and some furniture. Tobin's brother is going to help you get some clothes and get checked out by a doctor. Is there anything else you can think of that you might need?" Alex asked.

The man reached out in front of him hoping Alex would hold his hand. Alex gladly took it. "Thank you. You and Tobin are my guardian angels. I never imagined anyone would help or care about me. I thought I'd die alone on a sidewalk somewhere. You make me feel like I matter."

Alex, for the first time, felt like she was doing the right thing. Before that moment she second guessed herself and continued only because she wanted to make Tobin happy. After hearing what it meant to the man, she wished she could do more.

"We're happy to help you. The apartment is paid at least through the month, so please don't feel like you need to go. Make yourself at home."

Tobin reminded Alex that they needed to leave to catch their flight. They said their goodbyes to George.

"Remember George, my brother will be coming later today. He said he would knock 5 times so that you knew it was him. You remember where everything is, right?" Tobin asked.

"Yes, my friend. I remember. I will be fine. Thank you for all of your help. And Alex, take good care of my friend. She's special to me." George had heard all about Tobin's proposal plans and knew that Alex was in for a great time. He wanted to make sure she cared for Tobin too.

Alex gave her girlfriend a loving look and said, "I will, George. She's pretty special to me, too."

The women finally made their way out and started the next leg of their adventure together.

...

"Mom?" Jake asked. He was helping Ali cut up vegetables for dinner.

"Yes, sweetheart." Ali answered lovingly. 

"Do you think I'm damaged?" 

Ali put down her knife and made Jacob do the same. She put her hand on his arm and urged him to look at her.

"What do you mean?" Ali was concerned her son was hurting.

"Well, I can see that Mama sometimes feels like she's damaged, or not good enough. I thought maybe I am too."

"Jacob, I don't even know what to say or where to begin." Ali knew she had to be careful. There were things Ashlyn struggled with daily, but they weren't her fault and they didn't define who she was. She wasn't going to confirm Ashlyn's 'damage' to her son because she thought Ash was perfect.

Ali cleared her throat. "Jacob, your Mama has certainly endured a lot of things. Some of those things are similar to what you've experienced. But in both your cases it's the people who hurt you who are the damaged ones. When people hurt someone deeply, those things can take a long time to heal. That's why sometimes things still come up for your Mama. I'm hoping that you won't have to struggle as much as she has, but if you do it's ok and you can always talk to us. She's come a long way. You should be proud of her."

"Ok." Jacob often compared himself to others. He would try to act a certain way or look a certain way. He never wanted to stand out too much or get attention. He wanted to blend in and not upset anyone. 

He was looking at Ashlyn in this way. Both Ash and Ali were basically his heroes. Sometimes Ash was confident and happy and other times she wasn't. Like every other child watching their parents, he noticed and he was learning from her behavior.

Ali made a mental note to discuss this with her wife and to keep an eye on her son. 

"No matter what, Jacob, you are perfect to me. I love you." Ali squeezed his arm and kissed him on the cheek. 

Ali's answer seemed good enough for the boy. He smiled and went back to slicing cucumbers.

...

"Tobin, I still don't understand how you survived so long with practically nothing." Alex was referring to her girlfriend's almost empty apartment. 

"What? I have a bed. I got that for you." Tobin brought Alex a bottle of water and jumped onto the mattress she was referring too.

"You got a mattress, which is not a bed. It's one component of a bed, and you were sleeping in a hammock draped across your room. I don't think it was too much to ask that you get a bed." Alex had a point.

Tobin started to laugh. "Remember that first night?" 

"Shut up."

Tobin started to laugh harder. "It took forever for that bruise to go away."

Alex rolled her eyes as she remembered the first night she visited Tobin and the wound her hammock caused her when she fell from it trying to climb in.

"I should make you sleep in it tonight. Keep it up, Tobs and see what happens." 

Tobin couldn't stop laughing. Alex was too easy to make fun of.

After an afternoon of making up, the women took a final tour of Paris. Every time Alex visited Tobin they stopped by the Eiffel Tower and took a picture of them kissing. They had to keep up the tradition. They also visited Tobin's favorite bakery and spent the rest of the day telling stories about their French experiences.

They both fell asleep easily that night.

The plan for the next morning, as far as Alex was concerned, was to go to the PSG team offices and sign release papers. The meeting was scheduled for 9am.

Tobin woke up before Alex due to her nerves. She made coffee and breakfast and wrote a short note telling Alex she would be back soon. 

Alex woke up to the note and the smell of coffee and bacon. She read that Tobin took a jog and would return shortly. She left the bed, or more accurately the mattress, to use the bathroom and take a shower.

When she finished up, Tobin had already returned. She left the bathroom wearing only a white towel wrapped around her body. She was on her way to find the right outfit, but was stopped by a single red rose and an envelope lying on the mattress/bed. 

The envelope had the word 'woo' written on it with two champagne glasses drawn next to it. Alex slowly made her way to the envelope and opened it.

Along with another puzzle piece, there was a paper with the words 'The Great Adventure' on it.

Alex quickly looked around for Tobin. She needed an explanation.

Tobin was standing in the doorway, waiting for her to look up. 

"Trying to romance your heart for the rest of my life, is truly a great adventure." Tobin had a look in her eyes that was reserved only for Alex. That look meant that Alex's bath towel would soon be on the floor.

...

Alex's head was pressed against Tobin's naked chest. She could hear her heart beating. 

"I love this heart." Alex whispered.

"I love YOU." Tobin said and gave Alex a kiss on the top of her head.

"I know." Alex said softly. Tobin could feel Alex's lips against her skin. They were curled up in a smile.

"Have you figured out the puzzle yet?" Alex jumped up. She had completely forgotten. Tobin chuckled to herself as she watched Alex scramble to find the two pieces in her bag and the new one from the most recent envelope.

"Hands?" Alex questioned as she put the three pieces together.

"Yeah, that's part of it." Tobin answered

"But what does it mean?"

Tobin laughed. "You should know me a little better by now. You still have to wait."

"Waiting on you is exhausting!" Alex complained. 

"I think I've heard that before." Tobin laughed and informed Alex that there was more coming. "You better get ready. We have places to go." 

Tobin got up, her bare feet shuffling across the carpet. She put on a comfortable outfit and waited for Alex to do the same. 

"Oh, I should probably tell you." Tobin yelled from the mattress/bed to the bathroom where Alex was getting ready. "I'm taking you to Italy today. So dress however you think Italians dress."

Alex put down her mascara and found Tobin relaxed on the bed nonchalantly playing with the hem of her shirt.

"You're what?" Alex asked. She had to clarify. You just never know with Tobin.

"I'm taking you to Italy. What?"

"What about PSG?" Alex asked.

"That was just to get you here. We're going to Italy. I'm going to romance you and stuff." Tobin smiled and then went back to playing with her shirt.

"And stuff..." Alex repeated. "I can't wait to find out what that means." 

She wouldn't have to wait long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did anyone notice the mistake I made in the last chapter?
> 
> I already fixed it to cover up my tracks. I'm curious if anyone caught it.


	98. Envelopes (Part Four)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took forever to write...
> 
> There's one more "envelopes" chapter after this one.
> 
> Please forgive any typos, this one took a long time to edit and I probably need to double check it again.

"Mama!" Sam came running through the front door screaming for Ashlyn. Jacob followed behind him carrying an injured Monster.

"Mama! Mama! Mama!" Samuel's cries rang out through the house. Ashlyn and Ali hurried to the boy anxious to find out what was wrong. 

They met him at the bottom of the steps and Ashlyn scooped him up in her arms. "What's wrong?" 

"Mama!" Sam was struggling to breathe. He couldn't catch his breath because he was so upset and couldn't calm down.

Ashlyn pressed his head into her chest just like she does for Lexi when she's having a panic attack. 

"Mom, another dog attacked Sam. Monster got hurt trying to protect him." Jacob showed the bloody face of their dog to Ali. 

Ali was trying to stay calm, but the entire situation was overwhelming. It broke her heart to see Sam so upset but Monster's wounds were too much.

"Alex, take him." Ashlyn handed the small boy to her wife. Sam started to object. He wanted Ashlyn. She made him feel safe.

"Mama, no! Don't leave!" Sam was hysterical but Ashlyn knew she had to be the one to take care of the dog.

"Bam, it's ok." Ash stroked Sam's head while Ali continued to hold him close. "I'm gonna take care of Monster. I promise we'll be back. Mommy will be here to take care of you. You're safe." 

"Mama?" Samuel whispered through his tears. He held out his hand towards Ashlyn. He wanted her to hold him, but she knew she couldn't give in at the moment. 

She pressed their foreheads together and held his head against her own. "Sam," she whispered, "it's ok to be scared but you're ok. I'm gonna take Monster to the doggie doctor so he'll feel better. Ok?" 

Sam nodded, with his head still pressed against his Mama's. 

"Will you take care of Mommy while I'm gone?" Ash asked.

"Yes, Mama." Sam answered bravely through his tears.

"Thank you. She needs lots of hugs and kisses from you. Can you do that?"

"Yes, Mama."

"We'll be back soon." Ash gave Sam and Ali an encouraging kiss. She took the dog from Jacob's arms and winced when she heard Monster whimper in pain. 

"Can I come?" Jake asked.

"Ask your Mom." Ashlyn said. She wasn't sure how Ali would feel about her son helping with their wounded dog.

Ali was thankful that her son was thoughtful enough to offer to go with Ashlyn. She gave him her permission and told them both to keep her updated.

She wanted to make sure she knew how to prepare Sam for their return.

...

"Jeffy! What's up bro?" Tobin was glad to hear from her brother. Jeff was helping a homeless man Tobin and Alex had taken in prior to their trip to Paris.

"Hey, I just thought I'd let you know that I used your credit card to buy some medicine for George." Jeff said. Tobin had left him with the card to take care of any needs George might have.

"That's fine. That's what it's there for." Tobin said.

"The doc said that he has pneumonia. I don't know, Tobs." Jeff hesitated before continuing. "He's pretty old."

"Alex and I will pray for him. He'll be ok. Just keep taking good care of him, ok? Whatever he wants, get it."

"Alright, you got it. Love you, sis." 

"Love you too."

The conversation worried Tobin. She thought about her new friend and the fact that he didn't have any family around, that she knew of anyway. She imagined him being sick without anyone he loved to care for him. She wanted to do something about that. She just didn't know what.

Tobin was currently waiting on Alex to finish getting ready. She had answered her brother's call and got side tracked from her proposal plan. 

Alex found her deep in thought with a furrowed brow revealing that Tobin was worried about something.

"Tobin, is everything alright?" Alex sat down next to her girlfriend and put an arm around her waist. 

"What?" Alex had managed to pull Tobin out of her thoughts but Tobin didn't quite hear what she said.

"Are you ok?" Alex's voice was tender and quiet. 

"Yeah." Tobin didn't sound very convincing.

"What's wrong, babe?" Alex gave Tobin's shoulder a nudge with her own.

"Um, I just talked to my brother. He said George is really sick. I guess I'm a little sad that he doesn't have anyone who loves him." Tobin answered.

Alex was ready to cancel their plans and fly back to Portland, if that's what Tobin wanted. Her compassionate girlfriend may not be in the mood for romance anymore.

"You wanna go home?" Alex asked. She put both of her arms around Tobin and held her in a tight embrace.

"No." Tobin said. She quickly wiped the one tear that had formed in her right eye and decided it was time to put her focus back on Alex.

"Babe, it's ok if you need to change plans. I can wait." Alex always tried to value the things that Tobin valued. If Tobin cared about something, Alex did too. It was important to her because Tobin was important to her.

"I'm ok, Alex. I don't want to make you wait any longer. I don't want to wait any longer, either." Tobin stood up and pulled Alex up with her. It was time to go.

...

Ashlyn came home 2 hours later carrying a drugged up sleepy Monster. Jacob had a bagful of medicine and looked exhausted and sad.

Ali heard them come home and met them at the door.

"How's Sam?" Ash asked as soon as she saw her wife.

"He's ok. He's sleeping in his room. But he keeps waking up looking for him." Ali nodded toward Monster. "How's he doing?"

"He's gonna be ok. He'll probably have some scaring on his nose and next to his right eye, but he'll recover." Ash explained.

"Thank God." Ali was so worried that her little boy's heart was going to be broken. 

Now that Ali knew that Sam and Monster would be ok, she had to find out what happened.

"Jacob, what happened today? How did all of this happen?" Ali asked.

"We took Monster for a walk and I let go of Sam's hand to pick up after Monster went to the bathroom, like you showed me." Jake was worried he was going to get blamed for what happened. He was already blaming himself, as it was.

"Anyway," Jake continued, "Sam ran off towards another dog. He wanted to pet him but the dog got startled or something. He jumped on Sam. I ran toward him and I guess I dropped Monster's leash because he got there before I did. The other dog attacked him." 

"Jacob, you have got to watch your brother. You know he wanders off. This shouldn't have happened." Ali was concerned that her oldest son didn't watch over Sam the way he should have.

"Alex, that's enough." Ashlyn knew Jake felt bad. She didn't want to say anything in front of him but she had to get Ali to stop.

Ali was not expecting Ashlyn to interrupt her. She wasn't sure how to interpret her wife's motives.

"Jacob, you can go to bed." Ash dismissed her son, knowing that her and Ali needed to talk.

"What was that about?" Ali questioned after Jake left.

"You're blaming our son for something a stray dog did. Samuel wanders off, that's what he does. It's happened to all of us. Jake was trying to be a good brother. He doesn't need you making him feel like he's responsible for this. He feels bad enough already." Ashlyn continued to hold their sleeping dog in her arms.

Ali took in what her wife said and agreed that she might have been a little hard in Jake. 

Ashlyn and Ali split up their bedtime routine that night. Ali started off in Jake's room and apologized. She told him she was glad he cared so much about taking care of his brother and sister. She also thanked him for wanting to take care of his Mama and dog today too. She knew Ashlyn was trying to protect her from having to deal with their dog's injuries. She was glad that her wife didn't have to go through it alone.

After Ali finished making things right with her oldest son she went to Lexi's room. Her daughter was unaware of the evening's drama. She was at her ballet class when when everything happened. Ali's dad picked her up and brought her home a little later than usual to make sure Sam had time to calm down. 

Ali read to Lexi about princesses and happy endings. She wished life was so simple. Her heart hurt for both of her son's that night.

Ashlyn decided she would stay in Sam's room for the night. She wasn't upset will Ali, or anything like that. She simply wanted to be there to take care of both Sam, if he woke up, and Monster if he needed more pain meds. 

...

Tobin and Alex flew to Venice for their first day in Italy. In Venice they traveled by gondola down the canals and observed the ancient buildings.

After clearing her throat a few times and with a cocky grin on her face, Tobin said, "You know this is the city where Casanova was known for bringing his lovers." She knew Alex was loving every romantic moment and detail of their time together. 

"Are you comparing yourself to Casanova?" Alex asked.

"Sure, if that's what floats your boat." Tobin spread her arms wide and gestured to the boat they were sitting in. 

"You're dumb. And I wouldn't want my own Casanova. He went from woman to woman. I want my own Tobin forever."

"Well, you've got me." Tobin wiped a few beads of sweat from her brow and smiled sweetly at her girlfriend.

"Then, I've got all I need." 

...

After Venice they visited Florence. In Florence Tobin and Alex took a tour of famous paintings by renaissance artists and toured through different museums. Tobin brought Alex to a bridge at sunset that overlooked the city and captured it's romantic glory. 

"I wanted to show you some of the world's most beautiful things, Alex. Because to me you belong among them." Tobin was the most sincere person Alex had ever met. When she said things like this, it made Alex swoon, because she knew it wasn't just a line. It was what Tobin truly believed.

The women took a train to Rome that night. Tobin had got them a room at an extravagant hotel. The place was a sight to see all by itself. Tobin knew she had made the right decision to wait to propose. The wonder in her girlfriend's eyes confirmed that it was all worth it.

"Tobin...I...I mean..." Alex was speechless. Her eyes wandered focusing on every detail of the luxurious hotel. She knew that this was a once in a lifetime opportunity.

"Let's get some rest. We have a big day ahead of us." Tobin stepped close to Alex and gave her a gentle kiss before leading her to their room for the night.

...

Ashlyn felt her son struggling in his sleep. The boy was usually a wiggly sleeper but she could tell he was having a bad dream. She knew it was coming. He basically lived out a nightmare in real life that day. A strange dog tried to attack him and then he watched his own dog get hurt.

Ashlyn held him tighter and whispered in his ear. "It's ok, Bam. You're safe." 

"Mama?" Sam whispered tiredly. He didn't know if his dream was real and Ashlyn's voice was the dream, or if it was the other way around.

"I'm right here." 

Sam opened one eye, afraid of what he might see. When he saw his Mama his other eye flew open. He was so glad that she was there. The little boy felt vulnerable and sad. She gave him safety and strength. 

He adjusted himself on top of Ashlyn so that he could give her a hug while he slept. He laid down on top of her chest and rested his head on her shoulder. 

Once Ashlyn knew he was calm she revealed to him that Monster was sleeping next to them. Sam didn't realize that Monster was sleeping and lethargic because of the pain medication, to him he was being his normal self and taking a nap with his owner.

Ashlyn showed Sam the bandages on Monster's face and planned to show him how to keep the wounds clean later. Ashlyn had every intention of keeping Samuel home from school and she hoped her wife supported her decision.

"Mama, Monster ok?" Sam cupped his hands around Ashlyn's ear and whispered. He didn't want Monster to hear.

"Yes, Bam. He's ok. He needs to rest and let his scratches heal but he'll be ok. We have to remember to be gentle with him, though. Can you be gentle?"

"Yes, Mama." 

"Good boy." Ashlyn kissed his forehead and hugged him once more. It was time to go back to sleep.

After Sam woke up that first time his heart was put at ease. He didn't have any more bad dreams that night as he slept safely tucked away in his mother's arms.

...

 

Alex woke up to the sound of her soon-to-be fiancé coughing in the night. 

"Tobin." Alex whispered. She wanted to try to comfort her girlfriend.

Tobin rolled over so that her head was on Alex's shoulder. Alex held her in her arms and could tell right away that she had a fever.

"Babe, you're burning up." Alex kissed the top of her head.

Tobin let out an uncomfortable groan. 

"Tobin, did you bring any Tylenol or cough drops?" Alex asked. She knew she didn't pack anything like that herself.

Tobin let out another groan that sounded like the word 'no.'

"Do you want me to go get something for you?"

This time Tobin didn't groan but she did shake her head 'no' and tighten her hold on her girlfriend.

"Ok. Try to get some rest and feel better. I love you." Alex whispered. 

She worried that Tobin might have a rough night ahead of her. She worried even more that Tobin's elaborate plans for the next day would wear her out. She didn't want her to get even more sick. She decided that if Tobin isn't better in the morning she might have to put Tobin's plans on hold.

...

Alex let Tobin sleep in. She finally stopped coughing around 4am and fell asleep soon after. Alex called the front desk at the hotel and managed to find some over the counter medicine that would hopefully help her girlfriend feel better. She also stocked their mini fridge with water and Gatorade. 

Alex was anxiously waiting for Tobin to show signs of waking up. She wanted to give her the medicine but didn't want to wake her. So she laid next to her girlfriend and played with her hair until she felt her begin to move.

Alex quickly reached for the medicine and a bottle of Gatorade and brought it to her.

"Tob, are you awake?" Alex whispered. 

Tobin groaned a response.

Alex rubbed her back and encouraged her to sit up. "Baby, I have some medicine for you." 

"You do?" Tobin's voice was raspy. Alex could tell talking would be painful for her today.

"Here." Alex handed her the cold medicine and Gatorade to wash it down with. "Tobs, I also have some cough syrup, if you think you need it."

"No." Tobin was purposely saving her voice. She had some really important things to say today and she didn't want to risk losing her voice before she got the chance. But if she could speak freely she would've explained that if she took the cough medicine she would sleep all day and she didn't want to do that. She wanted to continue with her plans. 

She wanted to ask Alex to marry her.

"Tobin, I'm worried about you. You need to rest." 

Tobin shook her head and cleared her throat. She was not interested in resting. She slowly stood up and stretched her achy muscles before turning around and pulling Alex up behind her. 

Tobin wasn't going to let a little cold keep her from proposing to the woman she loved. 

Today was the day Alex got a ring.

...

The first thing Ali did upon waking up was reach for her wife. She did this every morning. Ali's first conscious thought was always of Ashlyn. Ashlyn normally slept in a little later than Ali. So usually finding her was easy. She would feel for her beside her and smile. 

On this particular morning Ashlyn was not beside her. It took a moment for her to remember why, but once she did she was fully awoken by the adrenaline caused by her motherly instincts. Her sweet baby was attacked by a dog the day before. She needed to make sure he was ok.

She headed straight for his room. She saw him held securely in Ashlyn's arms and couldn't help but smile. Even in a scary situation like what had happened the previous night, Ali was thankful for her wife. Her children would never have to wonder if they are loved. They would always know that they're important.

Ali knelt down by the side of the twin bed and checked on Monster first. He was awake but calm. Ali thought that was a good sign.

Ali let him lick her face. She usually doesn't allow that sort of thing, but the family dog had been through a lot and deserved a kiss of his own.

Once she knew Monster was ok she kissed her wife. Ash hummed her approval without opening her eyes. Ali was not surprised. It usually takes a little while for her wife to wake up.

"Mommy?" Sam heard Ashlyn and it woke him up. He was usually a deep sleeper too, but he was on edge because of his worry for his dog.

"Good morning, Sammy." Ali saw her son stretch out his arms and she gladly picked him up. She had been waiting to hold him since the night before. She hated that he was sad.

"Mommy, Monster ok?" Sam pointed down at his dog. Ashlyn told Sam that the dog had scratches but what he really had were bite marks from the other dog. He was bitten above his eye and the wound made it painful to use.

Ali knew that Monster was uncomfortable but the pain medication the veterinarian gave him was helping out a lot. However, the meds also made him tired and slow. Sam was not used to this behavior. Most of the time Monster was as hyper as he was. He could see that his dog wasn't acting like himself. It scared him.

"Monster is ok, sweetheart. He needs rest to get better. Remember when you got sick and you slept in Mama's arms on the plane all the way to Seattle?

"Yeah." Sam remembered. He felt terrible and ended up getting Ashlyn sick too.

"Well, that's what's going on with Monster. He'll get better but he needs a lot of rest."

"Ok, Mommy." Sam smiled and pinched Ali's nose. The boy seemed to be feeling much better. 

He grabbed his Mommy's face and licked her cheek.

"I give you Monster kiss, Mommy."

"Oh, thank you!" Ali would take any kiss she could get from her little boy. She was glad to see that he was happy again.

...

 

"Tobin, I still think you should take it easy today." As much as Alex wanted to see what else Tobin had planned she cared far more about her girlfriend's health.

The two women were on their way to the next stop of their romantic trip. Tobin led Alex through Rome with her hand through Alex's arm. She purposely chose to hold on to her arm instead of hand. She didn't want to spread any more germs to Alex than necessary.

"Alex, I'm not gonna take it easy." As soon as Tobin spoke she started coughing. This only validated Alex's worry even more.

"Tobin, please." Alex dug through her purse for another cough drop for Tobin and handed it to her.

"Thanks." Tobin unwrapped the lozenge and popped it in her mouth. She cleared her throat and tried to explain. "Lex, I'm fine. My throat just hurts a little." 

"Whatever you say." Alex didn't want to stress her girlfriend out. Tobin had obviously put in a lot of thought and effort into this trip. She wanted to show her appreciation. "You're the boss, babe."

Tobin gave Alex a smile but Alex could see it didn't reach her eyes. Tobin was feeling awful and pushing through for Alex's sake.

The women arrived at their destination a few minutes later.

"This place is called..." Tobin cleared her throat trying to find more volume for her quiet raspy voice. "The Trevi Fountain."

Alex gently stroked her girlfriend's face with her hand and tucked a few stray strands of hair behind Tobin's ear.

"Don't look at me, look at the fountain." Tobin felt like her health was getting in the way of her plan. She wanted to wow Alex in every way she could. 

"But I like looking at you." Alex was wowed by her girlfriend. She didn't need to be at a world renown romantic fountain to see beauty. She simply needed to look at Tobin.

"Well, stop! Look at the fountain, Alex!" Tobin's coughing started up again. 

"Baby, I'll look wherever you want if it means you stop that coughing." Alex kissed Tobin's warm red cheek.

"Can I have another cough drop, please?" Tobin stuck out her hand to Alex. Tobin wanted to make sure her words wouldn't be interrupted by another coughing fit.

Alex placed another drop in her love's hand and shook her head. There was no stopping Tobin when she set her mind on something. 

"The reason I brought you here is because it is said that this fountain is filled with the water of love." Tobin pulled out of her pocket a small rectangular shaped corked glass bottle. "People used to give a glass of this water to the one they loved. The person would drink it and then break the glass to swear their loyalty to the other." 

Tobin uncorked the bottle and filled it up just below the top. She stuck the cork back in the bottle and handed it to Alex. 

"I'm not gonna make you drink this." Tobin started laughing, which turned into coughing. "It's no longer safe to drink. But I thought I could give this to you as a promise of my own loyalty to you."

Tobin searched her pockets for a few loose coins and handed a couple to Alex. "Here. Now you're supposed to throw in some coins."

Alex loved Tobin's thoughtfulness. She took the coins and kissed them. She closed her eyes and threw them in all at once into the mystical fountain.

"You throw yours." Alex wanted to make sure Tobin did the same.

Tobin smiled and kissed her coins too. She did it just because she knew Alex would want her too. She closed her eyes and whispered a prayer as she threw the money into the water.

"What's next, Toby?" Alex cuddled into her girlfriend's side and put an arm around her waist.

"Um, I'm thinking a nap might be in order, if that's ok with you." Tobin was feeling the the effects of her sickness.

"It's more than ok with me. I was feeling a little tired anyway." Alex lied to try and make Tobin feel better about the idea.

The women walked back to their hotel and Alex watched Tobin quickly fall asleep.

...

Ashlyn and Sam stayed home from school to quietly take care of Monster. Ash showed the boy how to give the dog his medicine and how to treat the wounds on his eye and nose. She explained all of this to him because it made it less scary for the boy, once he understood what was happening with his dog.

Ashlyn and Sam laid on their stomachs in the middle of Sam's play area in his room. Ali sat next to them holding Monster in her lap so that her son could play with him in a safe manner.

"Mommy, when Jakeys gets home we take Monster on walk?" Sam knew that part of taking good care of his dog was to take him on walks.

"Not today, baby. Monster needs to rest." Ali answered.

"But Mommy he needs to walk." Sam argued.

"Not today. Today he needs to sleep until he feels better." Ali loved that her son cared so much for his pet.

"Yup! Doctor's orders, Bammers!" Ashlyn supported her wife's comment. "Doc says he's gotta take it easy for a few days. He'll be ready to go soon, but first we gotta let him take a break from his walks. Ok, Super Bam?" 

"Ok, Mama! He sleep and then be strong like me!" Sam flexed his huge baby biceps and got a smile from his parents. 

He crawled over to Ali's lap and put his face right next to Monster's head. "Get sleep, so you get strong." Samuel whispered. He figured his pup could use a pep talk at that moment.

"Sam-Bam, you're such a good friend. I'm proud of how you take such good care of Monster. He's lucky to have you around." Ashlyn gave her son a pat on the butt and Ali smiled at the sweetness of the moment.

Sam smiled confidently. He thought his parents must be really impressed. He loved making them proud.

...

Alex heard a knock on their hotel room door. She was surprised that anyone even knew they were there. She looked at her sleeping girlfriend for an explanation but Tobin had slept through the noise.

Alex looked through the peephole and saw a professionally dressed woman in her 50's standing outside their door. Alex opened the door to the stranger.

"Hello, my name is Monica. I'm here for your private tour."

"Um, let me just wake up my girlfriend. I didn't know you were coming. She's not feeling well and fell asleep. Umm, yeah." Alex closed the door on the woman. She wasn't trying to be rude, she was too surprised to remember to be polite.

Alex shook Tobin's shoulder a little and said, "Babe, someone's here."

"Hmm?" Tobin slowly opened her eyes and seemed thoroughly confused.

"There's a woman here about a private tour."

Tobin blinked a few times as if she was absorbing the information her girlfriend shared. As soon as it absorbed into her brain, her eyes opened wide and she shot up. "We gotta go!"

"Babe, slow down. You need to take it easy." Alex hurried by her side and put an arm around her. 

Tobin walked to the door and apologized to the woman for making her wait. She pushed Alex out into the hall with the woman while she closed the door and took care of a few things she needed to prepare before they left.

Alex was surprised at first by her girlfriend's actions but got over it pretty quickly. She was used to Tobin doing things a little bit differently than expected.

...

Samuel talked Ashlyn into walking Monster. The walk consisted of Sam holding Jacob's hand like usual and Ashlyn carrying the dog around the neighborhood. Sam would tell his Mama when to stop and let the dog look at all of his favorite spots. 

They stopped at all of the stop signs and fire hydrants on the way. They took a quick break at a big bush in the front yard of one of their neighbors. Jacob pointed out where Sam encountered the stray dog and ended up giving his brother a piggy back ride the rest of the way home.

"How was your walk?" Ali smiled at her wife. She thought the whole scenario was both cute and ridiculous.

"It was fine. Sam practically took us on a tour of all the best dog spots." Ash answered.

"That's good. It's not like you already knew all of them before you started." Ali joked.

Ashlyn had taken Monster for a walk many more times than anyone else in the family. She was the one who showed Sam and Jake where to walk the dog, in the first place. But when your 4 year old son makes a big deal out of the little things in life, you pay attention and encourage his excitement.

With their boy in charge of his recovery, both women were confident that Monster was going to be just fine. Doctor Sam was on the case.

...

Tobin had scheduled a private tour of the Sistine Chapel for her and Alex. Monica explained the history and deep religious roots celebrated there.

Alex was someone who recognized the beauty of her girlfriend's faith. She knew that this tour was something that represented much more to Tobin than a history lesson.

After the tour guide showed all of the main sections of the masterpiece Michelangelo painted, Tobin asked for her to give them a moment of privacy. Tobin had already warned her of what was coming next.

Tobin led Alex to the part of the chapel that was directly under the specific portion of the ceiling she had planned for all along.

"Alex, will you trust me?" Tobin asked.

"Yes, of course." 

"Even if it might make you feel a little silly at first?" Tobin knew that sometimes her different way of seeing and doing things weren't always understood by her girlfriend.

"Yes, Tobin. Whatever you want me to do, I'll do it." Alex reaffirmed her trust in her girlfriend.

"Will you lay down next to me?" Tobin sat on the floor and waited for Alex to join her.

"Are you feeling really sick? Do we need to go back?" Alex felt her girlfriend's hot forehead for the hundredth time that day and confirmed what she already knew. Tobin had a fever.

"No, that's not it." Tobin pulled down on Alex's hand until she sat down next to her and then she guided her all the way down until they were lying flat on the floor.

Tobin pointed above her. "Do you recognize anything?" 

Alex squinted. She didn't really know what exactly she was looking for.

"Not really. Sorry, babe."

Tobin placed an envelope on Alex's stomach. "Maybe this will help."

"Another envelope!" Alex was beyond excited.

She looked at the front of the envelope and saw the word 'faith' written on it with a small cross drawn next to it. She opened it up to find the final puzzle piece and a torn page from a Bible. She already knew Tobin would explain the contents, so she didn't bother to ask.

Tobin handed the other 3 puzzle pieces to Alex. She had grabbed them from Alex's bag when she pushed Alex into the hall to wait for her to get ready. She helped her put them all together and held it up. She made sure that the small picture on the puzzle was in the same position as the ceiling painted above.

"This is a portion of the painting above where God creates Adam. I always loved this picture. The thought of God reaching out to man. I don't know, it's beautiful to me."

The scene the women were looking at was God reaching from Heaven and touching the tip of his finger to the hand of Adam.

Tobin continued. "You know my faith is important to me. I take it very seriously and believe that my thoughts and actions are shaped by it."

Alex knew this was true. She had witnessed Tobin purposely aligning her actions towards herself and others based on the love she felt God had showed her.

"Can you read the verse I underlined for you?" Tobin asked.

"Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. (Hebrews 11:1 NIV)" Alex read.

"Lex, my faith is in God, but it's also in you. You're the one I've always hoped for. With faith you can't always touch it or even explain it. That's how my love is for you. There are endless words in this world, yet I can seem to find enough to tell you what you mean to me."

"Tobin..." Alex was surrounded by the beauty of a place set apart for the presence of God and Tobin had brought her here to share her faith. To share her heart. 

Tobin pulled Alex up so that they were both standing. She wiped the tears that were threatening to spill from her almost fiancé's eyes. 

"Alex, I promise to believe the very best for you and to let love shape my actions and thoughts towards you. I'm promise to love you with everything I have. Alex, will you accept my heart of faith for you?"

"Yes!" Alex pulled Tobin in for a hug and gave her a chaste kiss on the lips. They were in church, after all. She didn't want to overdue it.

Tobin hugged Alex again placing her face in her neck. She mumbled into her shirt, "I love you so much, Alex."

Alex held Tobin a little tighter. She knew she would never meet another person like her and she knew she would never let anyone or anything ever take her away.


	99. Envelopes (Part Five)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last of the envelopes series of chapters.
> 
> It includes a prompt request.

"Son of a.....gahhh!" Ashlyn stopped herself from swearing. She knew the kids were nearby.

"Everything ok in there?" Ali was in the living room playing a video game with Jake and Lexi. Lex and Ali would take turns trying to overthrow Jacob as the current champion. The tv screen was split in half for each player, as they raced their cars against each other. 

"Yeah." Ash said quickly. Her tone revealed a lot to Ali. Ashlyn was trying to cover up whatever had just happened.

"Here Lex, take over for me please." Ali handed off her controller and left to check on her wife.

Ashlyn was in the kitchen with a paper towel wrapped around her finger. She had her injured hand up in the air over her head while she sat on the floor leaning against the refrigerator.

"What did you do?" Ali carefully took her wife's hand and observed the damage.

"I cut my hand off." Ash was being a little dramatic.

"Well, that's not good." Ali humored her wife's dramatics and removed the paper towel and saw that her wife had cut a good sized chunk from her finger.

Ashlyn had been cutting chicken and veggies to put on the grill when she got a little too aggressive with the knife and ended up hurting herself.

"Ashlyn." Ali let out a frustrated sigh. "You need to get some stitches. I don't think it's gonna stop bleeding." Both Ash and Ali were tired of emergency rooms.

"I don't want to go to the hospital." Ash whined. 

"Sweetheart, I really don't know what else we could do." Ali helped Ash up and told her to hold her hand over the sink.

She pulled out the first aid kit from underneath the sink and prepared Ashlyn for the inevitable.

"This is gonna hurt, baby." Alex warned.

"I know." Ash closed her eyes and let her wife do what she had to do.

Ali started by rinsing her finger off as much as she could. The more she rinsed off the more it seemed to bleed. Ali tried to put pressure on it to get the wound to clot and stop bleeding. But it was no use.

"You ready?" Ali had the hydrogen peroxide ready to pour on the wound. She wanted to make sure it was clean and disinfected before putting a bandage on it. 

"Yeah, just go." Ash opened one eye slightly to take a peak at the oncoming pain her wife was about to put her through.

"Just remember I love you." Ali said this as she poured the bubbly liquid over her wife's wound. 

"Oh, mother..." Ash bit her tongue again. She dug her face into her wife's shoulder.

Ali continued her careful work undeterred by her wife's groans. She was on a mission. She wrapped the wound in gauze and taped it up. She topped it off with a kiss and then gave her wife a real kiss for being so brave.

"If this stops the bleeding you don't have to go to the hospital." Ali was strict when it came to her family's health. She wasn't gonna let Ashlyn bleed to death on her watch.

...

Tobin and Alex headed straight for their hotel room. Alex was concerned about Tobin's health and Tobin was concerned about the final part of her plan. She had slept through her prep time. She wanted to set everything up so that when they returned from the Sistine Chapel she could finally finish what she's started.

Unfortunately her illness had slowed her down and spoiled her plan. 

Once they had gotten back, Tobin went straight to her laptop. Alex heard her frantically typing and wondered what she was up to. She decided not to ask and let Tobin do her own thing.

"Baby, what do you want to eat?" Alex pulled out the menu for room service and started scanning the options.

"I'm not hungry." Tobin seemed distressed. Alex didn't seem to notice.

"You have to eat something if you want to get better. What about some soup?" Alex didn't get an answer from her girlfriend. 

"Or fruit? They have a fresh fruit bowl. Judging by the picture it looks pretty good." Alex still got no reply from Tobin.

She tossed the menu on the bed next to where Tobin was sitting and stared at her until she noticed. Tobin was very good at NOT noticing these types of things. Alex had to take matters into her own hands.

Alex grabbed Tobin by the shoulders and shook her gently. "Tobin." She pulled the girl's attention back towards her.

"What?" Tobin saw the frustrated look on Alex's face along with the discarded menu next to her. She was able to put the clues together and figure out what was bugging her girlfriend. "Um sorry, Lex." She closed her laptop and gave Alex her full attention.

"Do you even know what you're sorry for?" Alex asked.

"You were asking me about food?" Tobin made an educated guess.

"Yes, very good." Alex said sarcastically. "Do you remember what options I asked you about?" 

"I'm really sorry, Lex. I don't know." Tobin seemed truly sorry.

"It's ok, Tob. What's got you so distracted?" Alex nodded toward the computer in Tobin's lap. She knew something was up.

"Well, it sorta has to do with the proposal." Tobin sounded sad. 

"Tobin, I know you want everything to be just right, but believe me nothing could make your proposal any less perfect. I'm blown away by everything you've done." Alex encouraged Tobin.

"Alex, do you mind if I lay down for a little bit?" Tobin sounded exhausted. It seemed like more than just an illness was causing Tobin's sudden change of behavior.

"Yeah, of course. I'm gonna order a few things for you in case you get hungry later." 

"Thanks, Lex. I love you."

...

Ashlyn's finger wouldn't stop bleeding. She basically cut off a thin layer off the tip of her middle finger. Ashlyn knew her wife was serious about her going to the hospital to get it taken care of, so she knew she needed to fix it on her own and soon.

Ashlyn looked through their garage for the right thing to repair her finger. She scanned the shelves and poked through the the art and craft supplies they've accumulated over the years. Between Ashlyn's artistic gifts and Ali's love for craft time with the kids, they had quite a collection of all sorts of things.

Ashlyn was ready to give up until she found the perfect medicine for the problem. She knew for sure it would stop the bleeding. It would probably hurt, but anything was better than another trip to the emergency room.

Twenty minutes later Ali followed a trail of bloody gauze to their master bathroom. There she found her wife sitting on the side of the bath tub with a tiny tube and squeezing it onto her injured finger. 

"Ahh, shh, shh..." Ashlyn was trying to keep herself quiet.

"Did you just shush yourself?" Ali asked. 

She startled Ashlyn who thought she was being sneaky. 

"How long have you been standing there?" Ash asked. She immediately started blowing on her finger.

"Long enough. What are you doing?"

"I don't want to say." Ashlyn turned her back toward her wife. She put her legs inside the tub and held her injured hand down. 

Ashlyn's actions peaked Ali's curiosity.

"Why are you hiding your finger?" Ali asked. It suddenly dawned on her what she may have seen. "What did you put on it, Ashlyn?"

"Nothing. Don't worry about it." Ashlyn bent down lower to cover her hand from her wife's sight.

"Ashlyn Michelle! Turn around and show me your hand!" Ali knew her wife had made a bad decision. 

Ashlyn stuck out her uninjured hand behind her back for Ali to inspect. She kept her other hand out of sight.

"Are you serious, right now?" Ali often felt that she married a child. "I swear you're as bad as our 4 year old sometimes!"

Ash knew she had a moment, maybe two, before her wife found out what she had gotten herself into. Ashlyn held her injured finger up to her lips, careful to keep from touching it, and blew on it trying to get it to dry.

"Turn around now, Ashlyn. I don't have time for this." Ali squeezed her wife's shoulder to show her she meant business.

"Fine." Ashlyn turned around and closed her eyes before holding her finger out for Ali to inspect.

"What did you put on it, it smells strong?"

"Super glue." Ash was regretting her decision at the moment.

"You put what on it?" Ali was not impressed.

"Super glue. You know how some people glue cuts? I figured the glue would be like a layer of skin and keep the blood from bleeding through." Ashlyn looked like she knew it was a bad idea.

"Did it hurt?" Ali was more sympathetic towards her wife once she saw she regretted her actions.

Ash put her head down and stuck out her bottom lip a little bit. "Yeah." She said sadly.

"If you die of blood poisoning I'll kill you!" Ali knelt down in front of her wife and lifted up her head enough to give her pouty lips a kiss.

"Yes, dear." Ashlyn quietly agreed before adding, "But it worked!"

...

Tobin's hand found the back of her neck and tried to rubbed out the knots. She moaned her disapproval of the ache that had set in to her muscles and joints.

"Baby, are you ok?" Alex heard her girlfriend waking up.

"How long did I sleep?" Tobin rubbed her eyes and yawned into her hand.

"Not long. If you need to, you should try to sleep some more." Alex really wanted Tobin to take it easy. 

They had traveled thousand of miles in the last several days and even though they were used to it and in great physical shape, she knew that a sick Tobin traveling is not the same as a healthy Tobin. She needed to rest.

"Nah, I'm ok. I think once I take a shower I'll feel better." Tobin slowly stood up. Her first few steps were wobbly and unbalanced but once she got going she seemed fine.

Tobin ended up taking a long time to shower. She had a lot to think about. 

When the two women had returned to their room earlier, Tobin checked her email for last minute preparations for the final step of her proposal. She received a message from her mother stating their love for her and Alex but their disapproval of her decision to marry her. 

They believed that everyone was worthy of love and they would freely give it, but gay marriage simply wasn't something they supported. Her mother tried to make it clear that they support her, as their daughter, but not her decision to live the lifestyle of a gay woman.

Tobin went from absolute bliss and feeling immeasurably loved, to feeling like a disappointment to her family and unaccepted. 

The shower drain met many tears during that time. 

Alex patiently waited for her girlfriend. She figured she was moving a little slower because of her illness. When Tobin finally emerged from the bathroom Alex seemed really happy to see her.

Tobin smiled knowing that Alex would never make her feel the way her parent's email did. 

She took a deep breath and prepared herself to ask for Alex's hand in marriage.

...

 

After Tobin had worked for 15 minutes to get everything set up on her laptop, she made an excuse to visit the hotel front desk but really needed to pick up a few things for Alex. When she returned she was grateful to find Alex in the bathroom. 

She hurried to set up the flowers, wine, and glasses she had gotten from the concierge. She set up her computer and all the other items on a small circular table out on the room's balcony.

When Alex came out of the bathroom she saw her almost fiancé standing at the balcony door facing her. Tobin had her hands behind her back and stood up straight. Alex never though she'd ever seen Tobin have such good posture.

"You're back!" Alex genuinely missed her the short time she had been gone.

"Yup." Tobin replied. Alex wasn't wearing anything fancy. She had on soccer shorts and a tank top, but Tobin always found her beauty breath-taking. 

"Where'd you go?" 

"I got you these." Tobin moved so that she wasn't blocking the small romantic scene she had created on the balcony.

"Those flowers are beautiful." Alex walked right by Tobin and stuck her nose in the bright petals to take in their scent.

"I'm glad you like them."

Alex heard Tobin's voice behind her as the fragrance of the flowers filled her senses. She saw the wine and glasses and realized this was it.

Alex turned to her girlfriend slowly. She didn't want to rush it. After all of the time she waited and complained about Tobin taking too long to propose, she realized that she didn't want it to end. Tobin had taken her time to show her how much she loved her. It was the most beautiful act of love she had ever experienced.

"Hey." Tobin smiled. She knew Alex knew it was time.

"Hi." Alex was excited and nervous all at once. 

"I have something to show you." Tobin pulled up a file on her computer that she had been working on for a while.

"I made you a video." Tobin said. 

The video contained different interviews with numerous family and friends of the couple. Some of the answers were funny and some serious. 

Tobin had asked everyone to give a one word answer to the question 'What does family mean to you?'

One by one they gave their answers. Alex went back and forth from laughter to tears in a matter of seconds. The first part of the video ended with Samuel yelling out the word 'Monster!' 

"That was so sweet!" Alex commented as the black screen transitioned into another interview.

Alex watched as Tobin asked her future father-in-law's permission to marry her. She was happy to see her dad wrap up Tobin in a joyful and approving hug. 

The scene after that one really got Alex's emotions going. It was a video that had been recorded recently.

The video was Alex's parents sitting in their home living room. Both parents were next to each other and looking straight into the camera. 

Alex's Mom started off the clip by saying, "Alex, we are excited for your future. We never could have imagined the things you would accomplish and do through soccer. But as you know we've always taught you that it's the people around you that make one's life a success. We are proud of the kind and wonderful person you have become and we are even more proud of the kind and wonderful person you have chosen to love."

Alex's dad cleared his throat and added to his wife's speech. "Ali-Cat, all I've ever wanted for you was to be happy. And Tobin makes you happy. You've always been one who knows what you want, so I hope you say 'yes' to Tobin's next question. We love you."

As the clip ended and the parents thought they were no longer being recorded Alex heard her parents' final comments on the matter.

"Don't pressure her." Alex's mom said.

"I'm not pressuring her. She knows what I meant." Her dad answered. And that's how the video ended.

"I left that last part in because it was funny." Tobin had a great sense of humor.

"Thank you, baby. That was amazing." 

Tobin pulled out the fifth and final envelope and handed it to Alex. Written across the front was the word 'family' and Tobin had drawn a tree next to it.

"Open it, please." Tobin said. This was the envelope that made her the most nervous.

Alex opened it to find a handmade pouch that looked like the little sealed pouches that seeds are sold in.

The pouch had a picture of a fruit tree that took up most of the space on the front. The fruit looked like heart shaped apples.

"Can I open this?" Alex asked.

"Let me open it for you." Tobin said. She took the small package from her and Alex immediately noticed Tobin's hand were shaking.

Tobin took far too long to tear it open but Alex was willing to wait.

"Sorry, it's harder than it looks." Tobin finally ripped the entire top off and dropped it to the floor beneath her. Alex made a mental note to pick up all the pieces later. She knew she would want to save it for ever.

Tobin spilled out the contents into her open hand and closed it quickly. Alex didn't get a good look at what it was but had a pretty good idea.

Tobin knelt down on one knee and began.

"Alex, you're my family. I want you to know that. And no matter what we face in this life, I will always support you. I will always be behind you." 

Tobin took a moment to clear her throat and shake out the negative thoughts from the memory of her parents' recent email.

"This ring is a seed of our love. I give it to you with a promise that I will nurture our love. I will care for it. I will feed it and provide a safe place for it. I will do everything in my power to make it grow." 

Tobin had to take a moment to clear her throat again. She had to really focus to block everything else out. 

"I plan on planting a tree in our own yard, when we find the perfect house. And teaching our children to climb it, even though you'll worry they might get hurt. And I promise that our children will know that they are accepted just as they are, and that they could never do anything to lose our love." 

Tobin hadn't planned on saying that last part, but her heart was leading her now.

"Alex, I want to grow old with you."

She lifted the ring up to show Alex it was time, and she asked. "Lex, will you marry me?"

"YES!" Alex pulled her fiancé up into her arms and held her as close as she possibly could.

Tobin and Alex held each other for at least an entire minute before Tobin pulled away slightly and said, "Alex, I'm sorry I made you wait."

Alex quickly replied with a kiss and said, "You were worth the wait!"

...

After the proposal the engaged couple spent some time expressing their love to one another in a more intimate way. 

Tobin woke up in their bed to find Alex on her side, propped up on one elbow and staring at her.

"I've been waiting for you to wake up." Alex was playing with the pink princess cut diamond ring Tobin had given to her. 

"Well, I'm up." Tobin really wasn't feeling good. But she didn't want to spoil the moment for Alex.

"I have something for you." Alex reached her hand into the bedside table's top drawer and pulled out a small velvet box. She handed it to her fiancé.

"What's this?" Tobin was completely surprised.

"Open it!" Alex shouted. She had been keeping this surprise for far too long.

Tobin opened it to find a round cut white diamond ring. 

She looked up at Alex curiously.

"Baby, did you really think I wouldn't get you one?" Alex asked.

"I guess I never really thought about it. I figured it was my job to get one."

"Well, it's my job to get YOU one. Do you like it?" Alex didn't want to get Tobin anything too flashy but she knew her fiancé loved classy simple jewelry.

"I love it, Lex! It's beautiful. Thank you!" Tobin pulled the ring out of the box to put it on her finger until she felt Alex's hand.

"Hold on a minute there, Toby. That's not how it's done." Alex said to her poor confused fiancé.

Alex took the ring from Tobin and held it out, "Tobin Powell Heath, I love you more than anything else in this world. Your compassion and your kindness makes me wonder if you're an actual angel in human form. I truly love you. Will you marry me?"

Tobin's smiled brightly. "Yup." 

"Yup? You just said 'yup.' I can't believe you said 'yup.'" Alex laughed at her future wife and knew that their life together was just getting started.

The couple decided to return to Paris the next day. Alex was worried and wanted Tobin to see a doctor. The doctor told her that she had bronchitis and probably caught it from her new friend, George. George's bronchitis worsened without treatment and turned into pneumonia. 

Alex took that as a serious warning and made sure Tobin got plenty of rest and took her medication as directed.

On the flight home Tobin received a message from her brother. George didn't make it through the night. He passed away in his new apartment, in the bed Tobin and Alex had bought him. He was warm and fed, knowing that someone in the world cared for him.

Tobin felt overwhelmed with the entire spectrum of emotions a person can feel. Alex was saddened by the news also, and realized that her fiancé's concern for George allowed him to live the last few days of his life in safety and compassion. 

She couldn't think of a better way to go.

Once they returned to Portland, the women held a quaint funeral service for him. Tobin's brother was the only other person to show up. But Tobin felt better knowing that he wasn't alone.

After things calmed down, Tobin shared with Alex and Jeff about what her mom had written to her about the engagement. Jeff and Alex were both angry, but in true Tobin fashion she told them to forgive and focus on the good instead of the bad.

Alex wanted to treat Tobin to an engagement celebration trip. She ended up planning a two week adventure that made stops at a few family and friends houses. 

The Krieger-Harris house was on the itinerary. The couple couldn't wait to share their love with their dear friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do not put super glue on your skin...especially on an open wound. 
> 
> Alex and Tobin will be visiting the story again soon.


	100. The REAL Avengers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is different than anything I've ever done. It's written as if you're watching a video. The scenes are labeled and in separate sections, there are also sections where you see behind the scenes stuff that happened while filming.
> 
> I hope it's not confusing.
> 
> Also...what the heck!!! 100 chapters! Are you kidding me?!

SCENE ONE:

"Sam, what do you think it means to be a hero?" Jacob asked his little brother.

He was asked to do an oral report on his hero. Due to Jake's shyness he asked if he could make a video instead. 

"Means to fly and be nice." Sam said.

"Who's your hero, Sam?" 

"The Avengers!" Sam didn't mess around when it came to superheroes.

"Who's your favorite hero from the Avengers?" Jake asked.

"I don't know. I like em all." Sam said indecisively. To him they were all connected. He liked all of them the same. They needed each other. Every one was important in their own way. And together they were stronger.

CUT

...

Jacob's video report had to describe what a hero is and then he had to tell who his hero was. Samuel's answer gave him an idea.

...

SCENE TWO:

"Miss Cameron, my report is about my hero. The problem is I couldn't pick just one person. My hero is my family. They're like the Avengers. They're all great by themselves, but together we're unstoppable." Jake said. 

He was sitting on the swing in the Krieger-Harris backyard while Ali held the camera for him. Jacob was holding the family picture that was taken at Sam's superhero birthday party. The entire family dressed up like heroes and posed together.

He held up the family photo as he explained to his teacher that his entire family was his hero.

CUT

...

"Sweetheart, that was great! Your class is gonna love this idea." Ali put the camera down and gave her handsome son a kiss on the cheek.

"Thanks, Mom. I just couldn't pick one person. It was impossible." Jacob was more than grateful for the new life his family had given to him. There was no way he could ever choose between them. They had all saved him.

...

SCENE THREE:

"Lexi, what do you think a hero is?" Jake asked his little sister.

"Hmm..." Lex thought hard. "A hero can be a girl or boy who does what's right." 

"Who's your hero?" Jacob asked.

"Mommy. She always takes care of us and kisses us when we get hurt." Lexi and Ali always had a special bond. 

Jacob was ready to yell cut to let Ali stop filming and gush over Lexi and her hero answer, but before he could do that Lexi spoke up again.

"You're my hero too." Lex said it so sincerely that he was certain the 6 year old hadn't been coached to say that.

"Me? Why?" Jacob was truly surprised.

"You keep me safe when I have bad dreams and you carry my book bag and wait outside with me for the bus. You're my big brother." Lex answered.

Jacob didn't know what to say. He felt that all the years of him searching for her and Sam with the desire to protect them, had all been validated in his sister's words.

"Thank you, Lex. You're my hero too."

CUT

...

Ali had to give both her kids a squeeze after that scene. She was reminded once again that her children are the sweetest kids in the world and she is the luckiest Mom ever to get to hug and kiss them every day.

...

SCENE FOUR

"This is my Grandpa." Jake gestured towards Ali's dad. "He's my best friend and he's also my hero."

The usually stoic man began to get sentimental as he listened to his grandson describe their relationship. He remembered back to when the boy first joined the family and Jake literally pushed him away.

"Grandpa, what does it mean to be a hero?" 

"I think it means to love and protect your family. And to help those who need it." Ali's dad answered.

"Who's your hero, Grandpa?" 

"My hero is my son, Kyle and my daughter, Ali." Ken smiled at the camera that his daughter was holding. 

Ali wondered how she was going to make it through these interviews.

CUT

...

"Daddy, are you trying to make me cry?" Ali let her dad pull her into a hug. 

"Sorry, princess." Ali's dad couldn't help but smile. He could not be more proud of his kids. The fact that he was being interviewed by his grandson about being a hero, made him feel that his life accomplished everything he could ever want it to.

...

SCENE FIVE:

This scene starts out with some footage of Ashlyn making diving saves in replay action of the Spirit's road to the NWSL Final.

Jacob zoomed in on a picture of Ashlyn's Jeep after it was in the accident that hospitalized both her and Samuel. 

The last picture he showed was of him, Ashlyn, and his Uncle Kyle posing together with their surfboards from when they went on vacation.

The interview starts with Ashlyn passing a soccer ball to Ali, who is no longer behind the camera. Her dad had taken over that duty for her so that she could watch without worrying about crying.

Jake began to interview his Mama with Sam and Lexi in the background kicking the ball back and forth.

"Mama, what's a hero?" 

"A hero is someone who rises above hard times and sees good in people and in themselves." Ashlyn said.

"Who's your hero, Mama?" Jacob was eager to know who the person was that Ashlyn saw as her hero.

"My hero is my wife, your Mom. She saved my life in every way possible." Ashlyn smiled to herself as she thought about the safety and hope that she found in Ali. 

Ali was out of the camera shot, watching her wife and smiling like a woman in love.

CUT

...

Jake rolled his eyes when Ali attacked Ashlyn with a kiss. 

"So I guess we're taking a break, then?" Jake said sarcastically. He threw his papers with his interview questions and production notes in the air and left his parents to their affections. 

...

SCENE SIX:

"What does it mean to be a hero, Mom?" Jake asked Ali.

"A hero is someone who is kind and accepting of others, even if they're a little different." Ali smiled at her son.

"Who's your hero, Mom?"

Ali took a deep breath and slowly let it out. "I have had a lot of heroes in my life. My mom and dad are for sure my heroes, you and your brother and sister...but I'd have to say that your Mama is the greatest hero of my life. I've seen her overcome things that no one should ever be able to survive. I've watched her put others first and live a truly sacrificial life of love. There's no one that comes close." 

Jacob agreed with everything his mother said about Ashlyn, but he knew the sentiment was going to set his project back again. His parents were too much in love for him to get his report done in a timely manner.

CUT

...

SCENE SEVEN:

Jake was glad to move on to a less sappy note. It was time for Samuel's official interview.

"Sammy, who is your hero? It has to be a real person." Jake asked.

"Umm.." Sam started to bob his head back and forth. His wiggles were starting to sneak out. "My Mama and Monster!"

"Why Monster?"

"He saved me from the bad dog." Sam answered.

Jacob looked to the camera to further explain. "Our family dog stopped a stray dog from hurting Sam recently."

"He jumped on me!" Sam thought he needed to explain too.

"Sam wanted to pet him but he wasn't as friendly as our dog, Monster."

"And why is Mama your hero?" Jacob decided it was time to get serious.

"Mama is my best friend and I love her." Sam was always the perfect mix of wild and sweet.

"Did Mama do anything that was heroic?" Jacob knew Sam could say a lot more about Ashlyn so he was trying to lead him to the answer he was looking for.

"Yes." Sam nodded dramatically. 

"And...what was it that she did?" 

"She stopped a thing from hitting my head." The little boy bonked himself in the forehead to illustrate what he was saying. 

"She blocked your head from getting hit with debris when you two got into a really bad car accident. She saved your life."

"Yup!" Sam jumped up. He was inspired by his Mama's heroic acts and needed to express himself with a few flying kicks and karate chops.

CUT

...

During Sam's interview Ali stared at Ashlyn with admiration. Even thought the entire scene was basically an Ashlyn bragging fest, Ash didn't look proud, she looked thankful. She didn't care that she was the one doing the saving. She only cared that Sam was saved.

"Grandpa, can you help me with my final scene?" Jacob approached his grandfather who was helping Lexi put birdseed in her hand-painted bird feeder.

"Sure, what do you need?" Ken asked.

"I was wondering if you could take me somewhere. I want it to be a surprise for my parents." Jacob was a thoughtful boy. Many times he would try to do something or buy a gift for Ash or Ali to surprise them and make them feel loved.

"I'd be glad to help you out." 

...

SCENE EIGHT:

Jacob sat on the steps in front of the foster home he was living at before he was welcomed into the Krieger-Harris family.

"Jacob, may I say you are one handsome dude." 

Instead of having someone else interview him he decided to interview himself. He differentiated interviewer Jake from interviewee Jacob by wearing a hat as Jacob and taking it off as Jake.

Jacob put on his hat. "You're too kind. Although I have heard that many times. But I try to stay humble despite my magnificently good looks."

He took off his hat. "It really is true, though. How do people get anything done around you? You're absolutely glorious."

"Thank you, thank you. But really you're too kind."

"I'm only being honest, but for the sake of time I will move on. Jacob, what does it mean to you to be a hero?"

Jacob put on his hat and said, "Well, besides being incredibly good looking, I'd have to say a hero is someone who stands up for other people and chooses to do what's right even when it's hard."

"Great answer! You're not only handsome but you're also smart. You're the whole package."

"Yes, that's true."

Interviewer Jake asked, "So tell me, who is your hero?"

"Well, I couldn't pick just one. So I would have to say my whole family."

Jacob looked up at Ken who was holding the camera and smiled. "My Grandpa, because he is teaching me to be a man. My brother and sister because they gave me something to hope for when I was alone. And my Mom and Mama who adopted me and gave me a chance at a real family."

Jacob took a moment to reflect on his family before adding one more thought. "And myself, because my Mama always tells me to be my own hero."

"That's a lot of heroes, Jacob."

"The Krieger-Harris family is like the real life Avengers. We are strong on our own, but we're better together. Nothing can beat us!"

CUT

...

Jacob had finished his video and had to turn it in the next day. He let his family view it in a special pre-screening preview. 

Ali made popcorn and Ashlyn set up some folded blankets leading up to the living room like the red carpet outside of awards shows. Ali had the kids dress up like movie stars and Ash took pictures as they walked the pretend red carpet and took their seats in front of the tv.

After the video everyone cheered. Sam complained that Monster didn't have a big enough role in the movie. Jake promised that his updated video would include Monster barking into the camera at the end.

Besides that, the family loved every minute of the video. Jacob had done a great job. His parents especially loved that he let his personality shine through. He was often too shy to be himself and the video format allowed him to be the star that they always knew he was.

"I think you may have found your calling, son." Ashlyn patted Jake on the back. "That was awesome!"

Jacob was glad his family liked his report. It meant a lot more to him than getting a good grade. 

Jacob's family meant everything to him. They were the reason he knew love. They were his safety and provision. They were the ones who gave him hope. 

They were truly his heroes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 100 chapters is beyond what I imagined for this story when I started it. It was supposed to be a oneshot.
> 
> Thank you to every single one of you who have continued to read this, and especially to everyone who has encouraged me so much with your kind words. I am truly grateful.


	101. The Lesson

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter includes an important lesson.

"I can't believe you guys are here." Ali said as she handed Alex a bottle of water.

"Well, Tobin doesn't know it but I tried to arrange a stop at her parent's house. But they didn't go for it." Alex said.

Alex and Tobin were recently engaged and Alex wanted to plan a trip with her fiancé to celebrate. 

"They didn't go for it?" Ali was surprised. Tobin's parents have always been friendly and seemed very hospitable.

"They don't approve of the engagement and marriage."

"What? Are you serious?" Ali felt like it couldn't be the same people she knew.

"Seriously." Alex took a sip of water and then continued. "Tobin says it's complicated and we need to forgive them, but..." Alex looked up towards the glass door of the Krieger-Harris living room that led to their backyard. She saw Tobin running around with Sam and Monster and it made her even more angry and sad. "I don't understand how anyone could ever reject someone like Tobin."

"I'm sorry, Alex. That's really tough." Ali knew how it felt to be judged because of her choice in marrying Ashlyn, but she never had to experience that judgement from her parents.

"I thought maybe after everyone had time to think and calm down that maybe they would want to see their daughter." Alex shook her head. "But I guess not."

"I guess it's good you didn't tell Tobin about the possibility of seeing them. That would've made her feel worse." Ali said.

"Yeah, she's had a tough time lately. She's staying positive, though. Sometimes I'm shocked by her strength. She is the kindest and most compassionate person I've ever met, and beneath all of that laid back personality is a mountain of strength." Alex put her hand on her heart and flicked her eyes towards Tobin's direction.

Her fiancé was crawling on the ground letting Sam ride on her back. They were chasing the family dog around the yard. Tobin and Sam's smiles were evidence of the joy the two shared. Watching the scene in the backyard made her so angry that someone like Tobin could be treated so poorly.

"Well, you both are always welcome here." Ali gave her friend a hug to prove her point.

Both women heard Ashlyn's Jeep pull into the garage.

"That thing is loud." Alex observed.

"Yeah, I hate it. But she loves it. She's gonna be happy to see you two." Ali said.

Ashlyn had been out with her father-in-law looking at supplies to build a tree house they've been planning. She loved teaming up with him on home improvement projects. She learned a lot from the man she had come to love as a father to her.

"Babe, come look at the cool stuff I bought!" Ash yelled from the door. She had a bag of different gadgets. "I bought a laser level and a little knife. Did you know you can build a tree house without even technically attaching it to a tree? You build around it. Isn't that crazy?" Ashlyn had no clue where her wife was but she was having a conversation with her like she was in the same room. "I wonder what kind of support method we should use?"

Alex and Ali were trying to stay quiet. But their laughter gave them away. 

"Al?" Ash found the two women and saw Tobin playing outside with her son. "Why didn't you tell me they were coming?" Ash asked.

"It was a surprise. We didn't even really know we were coming until this morning." Alex said.

"So you guys just sat here and laughed at me this whole time?" Ash asked.

"It was funny whether Alex was here or not. You had a conversation all by yourself." Ali teased her wife.

"You know what? Who needs you guys? I'm gonna go outside and play with my real friends!" Ash took steps towards the sliding doors before her wife jumped up and stopped her. 

"Wait a minute. You owe me something." Ali had Ash by the arm and gave her a stern look.

Ash knew what she was referring to and gave her a kiss and said "I love you." Ali released her arm and let her go on her way.

"You guys are cute." Alex said.

"Yeah, when you've been married as long as we have you have to remember the little things are what makes you feel special. For example, I love how excited she gets about things and that I'm the first one she wants to tell about it. I honestly don't care about lasers and knives or whatever else was in that bag of her's, but I care that she wants to include me in something that she obviously cares about."

"It really is sweet. I get that with Tobin, too. I love the sides of her that only I get to see. No one else gets to hold her when she's sad or take care of her when she's sick. I love that I get to share in everything with her." Alex was smitten.

"You have to tell me everything about your engagement!"

"I know Tobin would want to be included in this discussion. Why don't we take you guys out to lunch? Do you have time before the kids get home from school?" 

"Yeah that would work. I'll need to get Sam cleaned up." Ali looked outside to find her wife was rolling on the ground with Monster. "And I'll probably have to get my wife to clean up a little too." She laughed. "You take your fiancé and I'll take the other two."

"Let's do it!"

...

Samuel was missing his nap time. It took a special circumstance for Ali to let her little boy go nap-less because he can get fussy and emotional. But when your close friends visit and have a juicy and romantic story to tell, you make an exception.

They ended up going to a burger place for lunch. Sam was resting his head on Ashlyn's shoulder fighting off sleep. He was mindlessly playing with his Mama's hair and sucking on his thumb.

"Ash, take his thumb out of his mouth." Ali whispered. She didn't want their son to have the bad habit. He didn't always do it, it seemed to only happen occasionally.

Ashlyn took his thumb out and replaced it with a straw. She figured she could distract him with a drink and hopefully make him forgot about the thumb. The plan seemed to work.

Ali smiled at her wife and finally asked. "Tell us how it happened."

Tobin figured Alex would take over the conversation so she started making faces at Sam to get him to smile.

"Babe, tell them about it." Alex nudged Tobin. She wanted to hear it from Tobin's point of view. At least the beginning. Plus she felt like Tobin might need to express her feelings about some of the things she had been dealing with recently. She had been pretty quiet lately and that worried Alex.

"Huh? You're better at talking than I am." Tobin answered.

"Come on, Tobs!" Alex encouraged.

"Ok. Umm.." Tobin chewed on her bottom lip and thought for a moment. "We went to Paris and Italy." 

"That's it?" Ali was getting impatient.

"Al, relax." Ashlyn knew Tobin required a patient ear. 

The two shared a look that seemed to communicate enough for Ali to sit back and let the conversation unfold.

"Why don't you tell them about the day we left for Paris?" Alex prompted her fiancé.

"What do you mean?" Tobin asked.

"Tell them about George."

Even though George's story was sad, Alex knew it would open up her fiancé to share what was on her heart. Between George's death, her parents rejection, a case of bronchitis, and the epic marriage proposal, Tobin was worn out. Alex knew she needed to let others help carry the load. She needed to share her burdens.

After Tobin told the story about how everything happened with George, she decided to spill about the proposal.

"Alex was a good sport. I'm glad she was willing to wait so long. I don't know why I'm the way I am." There was a twinge of sadness in Tobin's voice. 

Even though Ashlyn hadn't heard yet about Tobin's parents, she seemed to know just what to say. 

"Tobin, there's nothing wrong with you. Alex was willing to wait because she knows you're awesome. Anyone who thinks there's something wrong with you needs to talk to me. I'll set them straight." Ash said. She was ready to defend her friend to anyone.

Alex and Ali shared a smile. Ali was proud of her wife. 

"I judge people based on 3 things." Ashlyn said. "How they treat children, how they treat animals, and how they treat people who can't give them anything. I figure they are their true selves in these situations, ya know? I've seen you care for people like George or super Bam over here, and there's no doubt. You're one of the good ones. If people judge you on things they don't understand then that's their problem. They're the ones who miss out!"

"Amen!" Alex added.

Alex took over most of the story telling but Tobin opened up a few times. She even shared the email she had received from her parents prior to giving Alex the last envelope.

"I think they just need time, Tobs. They weren't excited about you two dating when that started, but after a while they came around. They even let you two visit and share a room, if I'm remembering correctly." Ali encouraged.

"You would remember that detail." Ashlyn thought her wife was too nosey. 

"What's that supposed to mean?" Ali was offended by her wife's tone.

"Nothing, dear." Ashlyn hid her face from Ali's view behind their son's head.

"Anyways, as I was saying to my friends, who aren't mean to me like other people around here." Ali glared at Ashlyn. "I think they'll come around. They love both of you. They've said it themselves. Times are changing and they might need a little time to get used to it, but I do believe they'll come around." 

"May I speak, wife?" Ashlyn jokingly asked for permission.

"Only if you promise to be nice to me." Ali answered.

Ash continued her thought. "Your parents are good parents. They believed a certain way for a long time and never had to really look at it any differently. Now they have to. Their hearts are in the right place. I think my wife is right. It will get better." Ashlyn smiled sweetly at her wife. 

"Did she just say that I was right?" Ali faked being shock. "Miracles do happen. See Tobin, anything is possible!"

The women spent the rest of lunch laughing and reminiscing. 

...

Samuel still hadn't taken a nap. He was too excited to have his friend Tobin around. Ali told Ashlyn to keep an eye on him. She was expecting an emotional outburst any minute now.

"Babe, don't forget one of us has to pick up our boy?" Ash reminded Ali that Jacob's school day would be ending soon.

Ali thought about it and hoped Ash would be able to read her mind. She didn't want to say out loud what she was thinking in front of their guests.

Ashlyn responded to her wife's thoughts, as expected. "I'll go. You need to take care of our visitors." Ash handed Samuel to her and kissed her quickly. "Do you want us to pick anything up on the way home?"

"Mama!" Sam didn't like getting handed off. He wanted all of Ashlyn's attention.

"Bam, I'll be back." Ash tried to rationalize with a cranky four year old. It wasn't gonna happen.

"No, Mama!" Sam started crying and kicking his feet. He threw a tantrum right in Ali's arms. This was a side of the boy Tobin and Alex had never really seen before.

"What do you want me to do?" Ash asked her wife.

Ali and Ashlyn had a deal. They don't give in to tantrums. 

Normally the other parent would help calm the child down but Ashlyn was the thing that Sam wanted. She didn't know what Ali would prefer.

"Just take him." Ali said. She didn't want to deal with him around their guests.

"You sure?" Ash asked.

"Ashlyn, I'm sure. Just take him!" Ali was irritated and she was letting it spread to her wife.

"Ok, sorry." Ashlyn took the boy from Ali and Sam stopped his tantrum immediately. 

Ali rolled her eyes and walked with them out to Ashlyn's Jeep.

"Ash, I'm sorry I was short with you." Ali apologized right away. She didn't mean to take her frustrations out on her wife.

"No problem." Ash gave her a kiss and sent her inside to be a good hostess. 

Ashlyn shouldn't have been so quick to let her wife leave. Her little shadow was not happy about having to sit in his car seat. He threw another fit. This time Ashlyn refused to give in. If he wanted to come he had to sit in his car seat or he had to stay home. There was no other option for him. 

He didn't like either of those choices and he let his mother know by screaming and crying the entire way to his brother's school.

...

When Ashlyn parked at Jake's school she released Sam from his car seat. The boy bit her hand as she tried to unfasten the safety straps.

"Samuel!" Ashlyn tried to never raise her voice in anger but the boy was out of control.

She held him down with one hand, even though he was no longer buckled in. He kicked his feet trying to get free.

"Samuel Christopher, I'm trying to get you out of the seat and you bite me? I'm trying to help you. Why do you want to hurt me?" Ashlyn's own words made her cringe. Her sweet boy usually would never think to hurt her.

"Mama, up!" Sam fought with her some more, trying to wiggle his way out.

"Listen to me, Samuel! You hurt me."

"Mama, up! Up! Up!" Sam wasn't listening. He was focused on one thing, and that was to be carried by Ashlyn.

Ashlyn gave in again. She picked him up and walked to the spot where her and Ali usually wait for Jacob. She was exhausted and Sam had finally quieted down.

"Hey, Mama!" Jacob was glad to see Ashlyn. It might seem small, but her oldest son's kind smile meant a lot to her at a time like this.

Ash brought both boys back to the car and sure enough, Sam screamed the whole ride home.

...

"Mom?" Jacob came in by himself and went straight to Ali. "Mama needs you." 

Ali was helping Lexi paint Alex and Tobin's nails. When she saw her son, who seemed frustrated himself, she knew it had to be about Samuel.

"Ok, thank you." Ali said. She stood up and walked toward the door before she stopped suddenly. She turned around and went to her son and hugged him. "Welcome home, Sweetheart. I love you."

It was always important to Ali that she make sure her children knew that they were always welcome at home and that she missed them when they were away.

When Ali went outside she saw her wife leaning against the front of her Jeep. The back door was open but Sam was still in his car seat screaming.

"What's going on?" Ali asked.

"I think I'm going to blow up." Ashlyn said. "He bit me. He's been screaming at me the whole way. I just can't take it, Alex." 

Ali saw that her wife was shaking. She could only imagine having to hear Samuel's high pitched screams in the confines of a vehicle for an extended amount of time.

"I'm sorry, Ash." Ali gave her wife a quick hug. "Go inside. We shouldn't have given in to him in the first place. It's my fault. Take a break, babe." 

"Are you sure?"

"Yes! You need it." Ali sent her burnt-out wife inside and took a breath before trying her hand at calming the 4 year old cranky beast.

"Samuel, you need to calm down. You're not going to get what you want by acting this way." Ali was going to show the child she had more resolve than he did.

"No! I want Mama!" Samuel screamed at her.

"You need to talk to me in a calmer voice. You hurt your Mama. She needed to go inside because you hurt her." Ali knew that if the boy was paying attention he would respond to the thought of him hurting Ashlyn.

"I didn't hurt Mama!"

"Yes you did. You hurt her hand where you bit her and you hurt her heart by being so mean to her." Ali could see that he was thinking. She hoped he was thinking in a good direction.

"Mommy, up!" Sam screamed and flailed his legs.

"First you need to calm down, Samuel. Monster, Mama, Tobin, Alex, and your brother and sister are inside. But they are all being nice to each other. You can't go inside until you are ready to be nice."

Samuel sighed heavily and turned his head away from Ali. "No!" He said. 

"Then I guess you can stay here all night." Ali pretended to shut the door.

"No, Mommy! Don't go!" Sam yelled. It wasn't a tantrum yell. It was a desperate and scared yell.

Ali knew she had made some progress with the very tired and stubborn boy.

"Are you ready to apologize to your Mama?" 

"Yes, Mommy." Sam's eyes started to well up and he reached his hands up to Ali. She was happy to unbuckle him and carry him inside.

When the two got inside there was a certain tall blonde missing from the group.

"Where's Ash?" Ali asked with a sad and exhausted Sam in her arms.

"She went upstairs." Jacob said. He was annoyed by his little brother because of how he acted towards his Mama.

"I'll be back down in a little bit." Ali said to her children and guests.

"No problem." Tobin said and tried to get Sam to look at her but he wasn't interested. He kept his face in Ali's neck and sniffled back a few tears.

Ali carried Sam to her and Ash's room. She knew she probably went there to lie down. Sure enough she had her eyes closed, with an arm draped over her face, and appeared to be asleep. Monster had climbed up next to her and snuggled himself into her arms.

"Baby, are you awake?" Ali sat down next to her. She still held Sam in her arms.

"Yeah. My head hurts." Ash answered.

"I'm sorry. Is it bad?" Ali asked concerned.

"No, it's just a normal one."

"I've got someone here who wants to talk to you." Ali put a hand on Ashlyn's arm and encouraged her to open her eyes.

Ashlyn knew it had to be Samuel. She could never be cold or harsh towards him. She opened her eyes and sat up.

"Sorry Mama I hurt you." Sam seemed to be sincere. He usually felt worse than the person he had hurt.

"I forgive you, Bam." Ash held out her arms for him to go to her. He climbed up in her lap and let his Mama hold him. He was emotional and exhausted.

"Why don't you two take a nap. I'll wake you up for dinner." Ali gave both members of Team Awesome a kiss and left them to bond over forgiveness and nap time.

...

Naps are what dreams are made of. (Or is it the other way around?)

Samuel and Ashlyn slept for more than an hour. When they first fell asleep they were upset and recovering from a hard day. When they awoke life was better.

This is the lesson. Naps are life-changing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may have written this during a time in my life when a nap would have been beneficial for my brain.
> 
> Also, please don't judge me based on this chapter.


	102. Big Plans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a continuation of the previous chapter. It contains a prompt request.
> 
> Thank you for reading!

"Mama, I love you." Sam woke up before Ashlyn. His head was inches from his mother's as he laid on her chest waiting for her to wake up.

They had both had a hard day. Ali sent them both to nap time to recover and get a fresh start. Samuel was ready to get things started. Ashlyn was still enjoying dream land.

"Mama, wake up. It's time to play." Sam nudged Ashlyn's face with his nose.

"Come on, Mama." He decided to sit up on her stomach and draw pictures on her face with his finger. Ashlyn woke up to a little boy with his tongue slightly sticking out as he concentrated hard on the image in his mind he was pretending to paint on Ashlyn's skin.

"What are you doing, Bam?" Ash grabbed his sides and began to tickle him.

"Mama!" The boy's face erupted in a smile as he laughed and tried to wiggle from his Mama's grip.

Team Awesome was back!

...

Ash gave Sam a ride downstairs on her shoulders and the boy excitedly yelled for his chill friend as soon as he saw her. 

"Toby!" Ashlyn felt the boys butt wiggle and shake with joy. 

She set him down on the floor so he could play with Tobin. Sam ran to her and jumped up into her ready arms.

"It looks like someone is feeling better." Ali sauntered up to her wife and placed a quick kiss on her cheek.

"We both are." Ash replied. "So, what's for dinner?" 

"YOU are grilling!" Ali smiled. "Apparently someone invited company over without telling me."

"It's just your dad." Ash defended herself.

"Well, it's not really just my dad. We also have two other unexpected guests, as well. I searched the house and we don't have enough food to feed everyone the same thing." Ali patted her wife's arm. "So, I've nominated you to get some meat and veggies and grill for us tonight."

"Whatever you say, dear." Ash answered. "I would say I'd take the boys but I'm guessing Sam is busy for the night."

"I'm sure Jacob would love to go with you." Ali knew Jake would be excited to get out of all the chaos happening in the house. He was a friendly boy but he needed quiet to recharge. Groups of people usually left him feeling pretty drained.

"Sounds like a plan to me." Ashlyn kissed her wife and left with her son to get some groceries for dinner.

...

Ashlyn gave Jake pointers on grilling since her usual grill partner was climbing trees with Tobin. Jacob was happy to learn. Ashlyn showed him how to pick a good steak and how to tell if the meat was fresh. She showed him how to cook it just right. She said "If you over cook a steak you might as well throw it away." She was happy to have someone who shared her love for BBQ.

Ali's Dad arrived right on time. He joined Jake and Ash at the grill and talked about their future building project. The three of them were committed to building the greatest tree house of all time.

Samuel was sharing a sturdy tree branch with Tobin. The woman held the boy close to her body to make sure he didn't fall. She would squeeze his stomach and he would stick out his tongue and make explosion noises. Every time he would giggle until he was out of breath. Tobin would allow him catch his breath and then squeeze again.

Lexi was showing Alex her bird houses. Ashlyn had helped her build and paint three different bird houses because Lex was fascinated by the flying creatures. 

"This is where the birds can eat and then Mama put a bath for them over there." Lexi said as she pointed to the bird bath near the family garden.

"Lexi, why don't you show Alex your cucumbers." Ali wanted the little girl to feel proud of her efforts. She knew Alex would make a big deal about it and give Lexi praise.

"Come on." Lexi took Alex's hand and pulled her toward the cucumber corner of the family garden.

"Mommy let's us eat them when they get big." Lexi said.

"Wow, great job! I bet those are yummy." Alex replied.

"Yup! Sometimes Mama eats them without letting Mommy cut them first." Lexi explained.

"Does she take a big bite out of it without peeling or cutting it?" 

"Yeah. Sometimes she dips it in ranch dressing. Mommy always yells at her." Lexi was telling everybody's secrets.

"Sweetheart, I do not yell at your Mama. I strongly encourage." Ali said.

This got a sarcastic laugh from Ashlyn who overheard from her spot at the grill.

"Ignore her." Ali waved her hand in dismissal in her wife's direction.

Ali never saw her coming. Ash snuck up behind her and lifted her up over her shoulder. Ali screamed and playfully hit her wife's back. 

"Put me down!" 

"Did you hear something, Lex? I thought I heard something. Maybe it's one of your little bird friends." Ashlyn joked.

"Ashlyn Michelle, put me down this instant!" Ali yelled.

"Babe, are you 'strongly encouraging' me to put you down?" Ash mocked her wife's previous comments.

"Ashlyn!" Ali was not amused and Ashlyn knew it. She gingerly returned her wife to her feet and puckered up for a kiss. Ali quickly turned her head so that Ash's lips met with her cheek.

"Love you." Ash said ignoring her wife's attempted freeze out of affection. Ashlyn gave her wife a pat on the butt and gave her attention to her daughter. "Does my little princess want to help finish up on the grill? I've got some flipping that needs done." 

Lexi perked up. She prided herself in her flipping skills. "Yes, Mama I want to help!" 

Ash picked her daughter up and made sure to give Ali a light hip check on her way to her spot at the grill.

...

"Hello?" Alex answered her fiancé's phone. Tobin was up in a tree with her favorite 4 year old and asked Alex to hold on to it for her.

"Alex?" Tobin's Mom was surprised to hear her future daughter-in-law on the line.

"Yeah, it's me. Tobin isn't available right now." Alex couldn't hide the chill in her voice. She was upset with Tobin's family for rejecting their daughter.

"Hi, Alex. I was wondering if I could talk to her. Please?" 

Alex let out a long sigh. "Let me see if she'll talk to you." Alex already knew the answer. Tobin was always open to anyone who wanted to talk, even if it was someone who Alex didn't think deserved it.

Alex found Tobin in the old oak tree holding Samuel close. "Baby, you've got a phone call." Alex rolled her eyes. "It's your mom."

"My mom?" Tobin was surprised to be hearing from her.

"I can tell her you're busy." 

"No, I should talk to her." Tobin handed Samuel down to Alex and jumped down, herself. 

"Tobin, I don't want you to get upset. Maybe you should wait to talk to her." 

"I'm sure it will be ok. I can't ignore my mom." Tobin took her phone from Alex and excused herself to talk with her mother in private.

Alex gave Tobin about 10 minutes before she felt like she couldn't wait any longer to check up on her. She searched for her and found her in the guest room sitting on the bed they shared. She overheard her fiancé speaking in a way she had never heard before. 

"You're telling me that you don't want to see me if I bring the person I love with me. That doesn't work for me! If you ever want to see me again it's only going to happen with Alex by my side." Tobin's voice was slightly raised. Her frustration was evident.

Alex couldn't hear what Tobin was responding to, but it didn't take much to figure it out.

"No! I'm not giving up on the family! You're giving up on me. Whether you like it or not, Alex is my family now. There's enough room in my heart for you too, but if you don't feel the same way then..." Tobin hesitated for just a moment before finishing her thought. "Then you'll never see me again." 

Tobin hung up on her mother and let her head hang as a few tears slipped out of her closed eyes.

Alex quietly made her presence known by taking her in her arms and holding her close. She didn't say a word. She let Tobin silently cry until she was ready to move on.

...

After dinner Tobin and Sam went out back to play with Monster. The two of them sat in the grass and threw the dog's favorite tennis ball for him to fetch. 

"You had a tough day today, Sam. I'm glad to see you're happy again." Tobin let Sam sit in her lap and play with the cross necklace she wore around her neck.

"Mommy said I was sad because I got tired." Sam explained.

"Now, you're doing much better." Tobin encouraged.

"Do you get sad like me, Toby?"

"Sometimes." Tobin reflected on her conversation with her mom and knew that she was experiencing a deeper sadness than she was used to.

"What makes you sad?" Sam was curious about his good friend.

"When I get tired. Just like you!" She smiled. "Sometimes it's an emotional tiredness." 

"What's that?"

"It's like if someone is mean to you or if you're feeling sick. It wears you out on the inside and it makes everything feel difficult." Tobin didn't know how to explain to a four year old what she was feeling.

"You take a nap and feel better like me?" The boy thought he had a good solution for Tobin. It worked for him.

"Well, sometimes a nap helps me. But usually I need to spend some quiet time with God and people I love to get filled up with good stuff instead of bad." Tobin answered.

"I make you feel better, Toby?" Sam always felt great when he hung out with Tobin. He figured the same was true for her.

"Yeah, I always feel better when I'm with you, Bam!" Tobin gave Sam a hug and made him feel like a real superhero.

...

The next morning the Krieger-Harris family said good-bye to their good friends. Alex had a 2 week camping adventure planned for Tobin. She knew some time away in the mountains and fresh air would be just what her fiancé needed.

Once the children were at school Ash and Ali had a quiet house all to themselves.

"What do you wanna do, Sweetheart?" Ali was mindlessly flipping through the channels on their tv.

Ashlyn had a mischievous look in her eye that her wife didn't notice because she was focused on a cooking show she found.

"Oh, I have a few ideas." Ashlyn picked up her wife and threw her over her shoulder. She carried her up the stairs. "I've got some big plans for us!"


	103. Kisses and Curfews

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a FLASHBACK chapter.

FLASHBACK

"Alex, open the door!" Ashlyn was getting impatient.

"No, I don't want you to see me yet!" Ali yelled from her side of the bathroom door. "You're early. I'm supposed to have more time."

"I am not early. You're late!" Ashlyn started to knock on the door. The slow constant tap of her knuckles against the wood of the door was driving Ali crazy. 

"Stop tapping, or I'm canceling our date." Ali didn't really want to cancel because she was annoyed. She wanted to cancel because she was self-conscious and nervous.

Ashlyn heard her brand new girlfriend's threat and laughed. "You wouldn't."

"Yes, I would. Don't push me." 

"You would for real cancel our first official date? That's just mean." Ashlyn gave Ali her space and fell down backwards onto her girlfriend's hotel room bed.

"Ash can you please go outside?" Ali's voice was shaky and unsure.

"Why do I have to go outside?" Ashlyn asked. She wanted to get their new life together started. She was ready to spoil her best friend and let her see that she meant everything to her. 

Ash was ready but for some reason Ali was stalling.

"Ash, maybe we should not go out tonight." Ali said this to an excited Ashlyn through a locked bathroom door.

"What! Why?" Ashlyn sat up quickly and rushed to the bathroom door. "What did I do? I'm sorry if I did something to make you change your mind." 

Ali's insecurities prompted Ashlyn's own to arise.

Ali heard the panic in her girlfriend's voice and opened the door.

"Ash, I'm sorry." Ali looked ashamed. She didn't want Ashlyn to really look at her.

"What did I do?" Ashlyn searched for Ali's eyes but she refused to look up and meet her gaze.

"You didn't do anything." Ali whispered. "Ash, I'm just so nervous." She finally confessed.

"Why are you nervous? I'm the one that should be nervous!" 

"Ashlyn, be serious." Ali couldn't think of one reason why Ash should be nervous. She's everything she ever wanted.

"I AM being serious. You're the one who's so beautiful. I'm basically dating a super model. I'm just some goofy messed up girl from Florida." Ashlyn argued.

"You're not the messed up one. I am! I am barely figuring out who I am. I've had a crush on you since the first time we met, and for years I've been trying to hide that attraction from you and myself. And now here we are and I can't get my hair to look right. My hands are too shaky to do my makeup. I look like an awkward junior higher. "

Ali kept her head down as she said all of this. She didn't see the shocked goofy grin on Ashlyn's face.

"Ash, you deserve so much and I feel like I'm tripping through this journey with you. You should have someone next to you that has it all together and knows what they're doing." Ali finished her confession and finally looked up to see Ashlyn with a sympathetic look.

"And now you're looking at me with pity, like I'm some kind of charity case or something....and maybe I am." Ali was way off in her estimation of Ashlyn's thoughts and feelings toward her.

Ashlyn decided to use this moment to speak up. "Al, can I stop you for a sec?" 

"You might as well. I'm hopeless."

Ash cleared her throat nervously. "Alex, you are so beautiful. I'm watching you go a little crazy about all these things that you feel aren't right. But as you were talking and staring at the floor I was wishing I could see those golden brown eyes of yours that I swear are filled with light and warmth. And that's with or without makeup." Ashlyn stepped forward and put her hands on Ali's hips.

"And when you're talking about how 'messed up' you are, I'm marveled that your voice and heart are reserved for me to listen to and take care of." Ash moved her hands to Ali's lower back and pulled her in so that their bodies were pressed together. "You're nervous about being perfect and making everything just right, and I'm nervous because everything about you is already perfect to me."

Ashlyn was dying to kiss Ali, but she held back. She wanted to treat Ali right. She wanted to show her she was worth waiting for.

"So, can we get this date started? I honestly don't care if you're having a bad hair day or your make-up isn't a certain way. I get to go on a date with Ali Krieger. Do you know how long I've waited for this day?" 

Ali couldn't help but smile. Ashlyn wasn't the only one longing for a kiss.

"Fine. But don't expect too much. I'm scared out of my mind I'm going to mess this up." Ali felt honesty was the best way to go from here. 

Usually she would play a part and try to keep her date guessing. She never wanted to reveal too much and give the other person the upper hand. But she couldn't hide anything from Ashlyn. Ali had spent too long pretending and ignoring Ashlyn and her own feelings for her. It was time to be true to herself and the woman she loved.

"I'm scared too." Ashlyn gave her girlfriend a hug and decided it was time to get things moving. "I don't want to let you down." 

"You could never let me down, Ash." Ali encouraged.

"Well, you could never disappoint me." Ashlyn kissed Ali's forehead and pulled away. 

Ash took her hand and laced their fingers together. "Are you ready, beautiful?" 

"Yes. I'm ready, Ash." Ali's words meant more than being ready for their first date. She was ready to start doing life with Ashlyn.

...

Ashlyn didn't have anything super romantic planned. They were at a national team camp and didn't have a lot of time or resources. 

They ended up doing the cliche first date of dinner and a movie. Ash was excited for the movie part of the date. She wanted to show Ali some of her moves.

Ash bought popcorn, even though Ali said she wasn't hungry. She bought a drink, even though Ali said she didn't want one. The two ended up sharing both. 

The time came for Ashlyn to try a move on her girlfriend. She started by stretching her neck and leaning forward. She yawned a few times, making it obvious what she was about to do. 

Ash leaned back in her seat and yawned while stretching her arm...right around Ali's shoulders. 

Ali shook her head. Was Ash being funny or did she really think she was being smooth?

Ash moved her hand from the top of the seat next to the other side of Ali and placed it on Ali's shoulder. 

Ali giggled. She thought Ash was cute but she had a few moves of her own. She moved the drink from it's cup holder and pulled up the armrest separating them. She scooted in close to Ashlyn. She moved Ash's hand from her shoulder to around her waist. Ali leaned into Ash's shoulder and pretended to watch the movie. 

What Ali was really doing was concentrating on her girlfriend's breaths. Ash had stopped breathing. She took her breath away with her touch. She was in trouble...she had fallen hard for this girl.

...

 

Neither of the women wanted to end their time together. They walked to nowhere in particular for the rest of the night talking and holding hands. 

Once they got over the initial nerves and awkwardness, everything was easy. They were light years ahead of most couples just starting out. They knew each other and loved each other long before they ever went on their first date. 

"Ashlyn, why did you wait for me?" Ali asked. She had made things so hard on Ashlyn. She felt like her hidden feelings caused Ashlyn a lot of hurt.

"Remember when you had your heart problems?" Ash laughed. "I mean your actual heart problems, when you were at Penn State, not when you were in Germany ignoring me." 

Ali elbowed Ash in the ribs for bringing up the Germany drama on their first date. That's at least a third date conversation.

"Well, if you stop abusing me maybe I can tell you the rest of the story." Ash gave Ali a stern look.

"Fine, go ahead." Ali leaned into Ashlyn's arm.

"When Kyle called me and told me you were hurt..." Ash stopped walking and her tone turned serious. "I had to be with you. You may not remember, but things were strained between us. We had gotten into a big fight. When I first heard you were sick I hitch hiked to the hospital. Once I got there, I thought I had for sure made a big mistake."

"I didn't know you hitch hiked. That's dangerous. You're not allowed to do that again!" Ali was already acting like an overprotective girlfriend.

"I promise not to hitch hike if you promise not to worry me sick by having a bunch of heart attacks!" Ashlyn had her own demands. 

"Agreed. Now continue with your story, please."

"Oh, yeah. So anyway, when I got to the hospital and saw your 'super handsome doctor boyfriend' it dawned on me that you might not want me there." Ash remembered the day like it was yesterday. "The whole time I was thinking that you should be with me, ya know. Like I should be the one that's holding your hand and waiting with your parents. I felt like I was intruding on a life that should've been mine."

Ali interjected with her own memory. "I remember seeing you sitting all by yourself and feeling like it was all wrong. You needed to be close to me."

"When you called me over and said you dreamed about me..." Ash shook her head, as if she still didn't believe it. "...and you told me you loved me. Alex, you gave me hope. I could never let go of you." Ashlyn smiled and started laughing quietly to herself.

"What?" Ali pulled on Ashlyn's hand to encourage her to explain.

"I was just going to say that I tried to forget you. I tried to move on. But you kept pulling me back. There was never anyone else for me. What else could I do but wait?"

"I'm sorry, Ash. I was trying to figure things out. You deserved better." Ali regretted not knowing all along what she now knew.

"No worries, Als. Neither of us were ready. It was supposed to happen this way. It's for the best. We weren't right for each other until now."

Ashlyn checked her watch and saw that it was two hours past curfew. "Crap!" Ashlyn intended doing everything right by Ali, including getting her back in time for curfew.

"What's wrong?" Ali wasn't worried about the time.

"I wanted to get you back on time!" Ashlyn hurried her back by pulling her hand towards the hotel the team was staying at.

"Ash, who cares? No one will find out."

"Ali, I want to do this right. You deserve that we do this right." Ash continued to frantically pull her girlfriend down the street.

"Ash, slow down!" Ali pulled Ashlyn back in the opposite direction. She successfully got Ash's attention and caused her to stop. "What does getting back have to do with doing this right?"

"Well, a responsible person always brings their date back on time." Ash answered. "Respectable women get home on time." 

"Ashlyn, are you talking about high school dates when your parents tell you what time to be home? Because if so, I think we're past that point." Ali couldn't believe her tough goalkeeper girlfriend even thought to worry about these things.

"I don't know!" Ash threw her hands up. She thought she must sound so stupid to Ali. "I want to make sure you feel special. I want you to know I respect you. Maybe it's stupid." 

"I think it's sweet." Ali pulled on Ashlyn's hand again to get her to look up at her. "I think YOU'RE sweet. And I've been dying for you to kiss me on our first date."

When Ali first shared her feelings with Ashlyn a few days earlier Ash had to go for it. But that was the only kiss they had shared. They were both ready for more.

Ashlyn was nervous, but she was just as eager as her girlfriend. "Is it ok for me to kiss you on our first date?" Ash didn't want to make any assumptions, no matter how obvious Ali's intentions were.

"It's more than ok." Ali closed her eyes and took a deep breath, she knew it was coming.

Ashlyn took Ali by the waist with one hand and cradled the back of her head with the other. She pulled her into her and kissed her, even though it was their very first date.


	104. Trees Are For Houses (Part One)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains a prompt request. Thank you for reading!

Samuel was all set. He had on a kid sized plastic construction hard hat, a plaid button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and a mini tool belt with a toy hammer, screwdriver and drill.

His Mama had on a t-shirt with the sleeves cut off, jeans with holes in the knees and a regular sized tool belt with real tools around her waist.

Ashlyn and Ali's dad were closely examining the plans for the tree house they were building. Ashlyn used a pencil to mark a few minor changes they had been discussing. 

Sam pulled on his Mama's pant leg and asked to be picked up so that he could give his expert opinion. Ash put her pencil behind her ear and lifted up the four year old.

"What do you think, Bam?" Ash asked.

"Look carefully, Sam. These plans are essential to the success of all of our hard work." Ali's Dad wanted the boy to feel important and included in the process.

"Hmm..." Sam thoughtfully hummed. "Looks good, Gramps!" He put his hand up to give his Grandpa a high-five.

"Now that we have Bam's approval I think we're ready to go." Ashlyn gave her boy a kiss and set him back down on the ground. 

The backyard was covered in piles of wood, roofing shingles and other supplies. The dreaming and planning was finally over. It was time to build.

...

Ali had left with Lexi to pick up Jake from school. Jacob was anxious to join in the tree house building with his Mama and Grandpa. The boy was getting impatient with Ali.

"Sweetheart, I'm sorry but we have to make a few stops before we can go home." Ali said.

"But Mom they need me. I'm missing out on all of the best stuff." Jake complained.

"Jacob, it's not like they're going to finish anytime soon. There's plenty of work for you to help out with." Ali said.

"Yeah, Jake!" Lexi was feeling left out of the conversation as she eavesdropped from the back seat of Ali's car.

"Shut up, Lex!" Jacob was irritated that his sister sided with their mother and didn't keep her mouth shut.

"Jacob! We do not tell each other to shut up. Apologize to your sister and stop complaining before you lose the privilege of working on the tree house at all." Ali wasn't going to allow her teenage son to be disrespectful to any of their family members.

Jake let out a long and loud sigh of frustration but didn't argue. He apologized and decided to stay quiet before he got himself into more trouble.

"Besides," Ali continued, "we're picking up your Mama's allergy medication so that she can work on a tree house for you and your siblings without suffering and getting sick with all the pollen in the air."

Jacob stayed silent. How could he complain about helping Ashlyn not get sick?

...

Jacob rushed to the backyard as soon as they returned to the house. Ali took her time helping Lex out of her car seat and carrying in the bags from the grocery store and pharmacy.

"Lex, it's a good thing we're strong princesses. Prince Jacob left us to carry all these bags on our own." Ali joked. 

"Lame!" Lexi said sarcastically. Ali laughed. She was a little sad though, thinking that Lexi wasn't a baby anymore. Her little girl was growing up too fast.

Lex joined the rest of the family out back while Ali put the groceries away. Ali grabbed the pill bottle from the pharmacy bag and a bottle of water and set out to take care of her wife's allergy problem.

She froze at the door when she saw her wife covered in sweat from work. Her golden tan shoulders revealed a few more freckles than she had that morning. Ali licked her lips and lost track of everything else. 

Ashlyn was hammering a nail into two 4x4's to construct the frame of one of the walls for the tree house. Jacob was watching carefully as his Grandpa explained the process so that he could help with the next one.

Sam pounded on a shorter length piece of wood with his own hammer and watched his Mama closely. If she adjusted the position of the nail, Sam adjusted his pretend nail. He took a swing with his toy hammer a split second after Ashlyn did with her hammer.

Lexi didn't care much for the construction portion of the tree house but she wanted to be included too. She held on to her Grandpa's hand as he explained things to her big brother.

Ali finally composed herself enough to focus her thoughts on her wife's need for medication instead of on her wife's flexed muscles. If Ash knew the thoughts she was having she would stop everything and carry Ali upstairs.

"Baby." Ali tapped Ash on one of her strong shoulders. "Can you hold up for a sec?" 

Ashlyn did as she was asked. She saw the items her wife was holding and knew what she wanted her to do. Ashlyn handed the hammer off to Jake and gave him room to work. 

She took a seat on the ground next to Sam and took a long drink of water. She took a smaller drink to swallow the pill her wife had given her. Ash saw that her smallest son was copying her every move and handed him the bottle of water so that he could take a drink too. 

"Thanks, Babe." Ash pulled Ali down into her lap.

"Thanks, babe!" Samuel excitedly repeated. He gave Ali a pull on her arm trying to mimic Ashlyn's earlier action of pulling her into her lap.

"You two have been working hard." Ali said. She said it to both of them but her eyes never left Ashlyn. She was infatuated.

Ashlyn noticed.

"You ok, babe? You look a little 'hot.'" Ashlyn was teasing her wife.

Ali cleared her throat getting ready to tell her wife just how hot she was. That is until she heard her four year old's innocent little voice say, "you look hot."

Ali's eyes widened. She smacked Ashlyn's arm and gave her a 'you're in trouble' kind of look. The only response Ashlyn had was to laugh at her wife's flustered state.

Ali wasn't going to find release anytime soon. 

...

Ali's construction workers worked up an appetite and were famished by dinner time. Ashlyn grabbed an apple while she waited for Ali to finish fixing dinner. 

"Babe, don't eat that. You'll ruin your appetite." Ali scolded her wife.

Ash smirked and replied. "Trust me, my appetite is big enough for an apple and much more." Ashlyn wagged her eyebrows up and down, insinuating a hunger for more than food.

"You need to behave. You almost got us in trouble earlier. This is a G-rated house around the kids." Ali reminded her wife of the family rules.

"I need to behave? You're the one who got all hot and bothered earlier. I've just been working hard to create a lifetime of fun memories for our babies. I would never act inappropriately." Ashlyn defended herself against her wife's accusations and then smacked her butt as she walked away tossing her apple in the air.

Dinner was ready fifteen minutes later. Ali called everyone to the table but Team Awesome didn't show. She found Ashlyn in her recliner, holding a sleeping Samuel with a half-chewed bite of apple in his mouth. She fished the apple out of her son's mouth with her finger. Choking hazards are nothing to take lightly when it involves a four year old. Especially one as cute as little Sam-Bam.

Ali woke the two up and insisted that they join the rest of the family for dinner. Ashlyn was right. She was plenty hungry, but no one could compete with the appetite of their teenage boy. Jacob had three helpings of Ali's famous cinnamon apple pork chops. 

"Slow down, son." Ashlyn laughed at Jacob's ability to eat so much. "Your mom made plenty. Take your time so you can actually taste what you're eating." 

"I can taste it. It tastes good." Jacob said with a mouth full of food.

Ali had always been proud of her cooking abilities, especially in comparison to Ashlyn's non-cooking abilities. But once Jake came around she felt like she might as well be a professional chef. He acted like it was the greatest cooking he had ever tasted. 

"Ash, I want to get a few more boards cut before we finish up for the night." Ali's dad said. "I'd like to finish up the last few structure pieces so Lexi and Jake can paint, while we build the foundation and floor and attach it to the tree tomorrow."

"Sounds good to me, Pop." Ash smiled and took another bite of pork. 

...

Ken made a rule that whenever he or Ashlyn were using the power saw that all children had to be inside. He didn't want to risk any of the little ones getting hurt. Ashlyn negotiated Jacob's presence with both her wife and father-in-law, but he had to promise to stay at least 10 feet away and promise to wear safety glasses at all times. Jacob felt like he was pretty cool because he got to do what the other kids weren't allowed to do. 

Ali carefully observed as her Dad made sure the measurements on the wood were correct. She wanted to keep an eye on her son while he stood so close to a big and dangerous tool. She watched her three carpenters like a hawk.

Standing behind the glass sliding door with her hand over her mouth Ali let out a gasp as she watched her Dad step aside and let Ashlyn take control of the table saw. "There is no way!" Ali said to herself. She quickly opened the door and yelled for the three workers to stop.

"What's wrong?" Ash tried to yell over the sound of the saw. Ali unplugged it from the extension cord running into the house and told them exactly what was wrong.

"Ashlyn is not allowed to use that thing!" Ali informed her father.

"Excuse me?" Ashlyn wasn't happy with her wife's bossy behavior. "Did you just say that I'm not allowed? Because I seem to remember that I'm an adult and you're supposed to be inside taking care of the children. So if you don't mind, could you please plug the saw back in and get out of the way." Ashlyn wasn't trying to sound harsh, but she was annoyed at her wife's constant worrying.

"My dad knows what he's doing, Ashlyn. You don't! Why don't you let him do it?" Ali wasn't going to back down. 

Neither was Ashlyn.

"I'll be right back." Ashlyn said. She turned toward Ken and Jake and added, "Don't touch anything!" 

Ashlyn headed straight to her wife. Ali was ready for a fight. Ashlyn surprised her when she didn't say a word. She simply picked Ali up and carried her back inside the house.

"If you're not going to be supportive you can stay inside with the children. Because that's how you're acting." Ashlyn set her down on the couch and left, closing the door behind her.

Ali sulked in the spot where her wife set her down until she heard the saw turn back on. She jumped up and occupied her previous spot at the door. She nervously watched her wife make the cuts that she wanted her dad to make. 

Somehow Ashlyn managed not to get hurt. Ali was pleasantly surprised.

...

"So..." Ali sauntered towards their bed where her wife was getting ready to go to sleep. "You were looking really sexy today working out there in the hot sun." Ali was ready to get some release from the day's frustration.

"I'm mad at you. Take your sexual advances somewhere else." Ashlyn wasn't really mad, but she wasn't going to let her wife get off the hook so easily.

"Why are you mad?" Ali's memory was clouded by her desires.

"You were rude to me in front of your dad, and even worse in front of our son." Ashlyn rolled over so that her back was facing Ali. She was going to let Ali feel a little chill before letting things heat up.

"I wasn't rude. I was honest. You don't know what you're doing. I was trying to protect you from cutting off your hand and potentially bleeding to death." 

Ashlyn turned around and let Ali have it. "Alex, do you think that was the first board that I cut? Your dad and I had been working all day. We've been working together. He taught me everything about the machine, including safety procedures. Half of the wood out there was cut by me. I'm not a child. A little respect from my wife in front of our children would be appreciated!" 

"I respect you. I don't want you to get hurt. Why is that such a bad thing?" Ali didn't get it.

"Alex, it's a bad thing when its irrational and hinders our every day life. I'm an adult and you need to trust me. If that's too much to ask then I don't know what else to say." Ashlyn rolled back over signaling that she was done with the discussion.

Ashlyn felt the mattress sink with Ali's weight. Her wife had crawled into bed without another word. Ali rolled on her side so that her back was facing Ashlyn's back. Neither of them were going to get much sleep tonight if someone didn't make a move for peace.

Ali felt like she couldn't help but worry about those she loved. She didn't try to do it on purpose. It's just the way that her brain worked. She would imagine the worst possible thing happening in every situation. She tried her best to hold it in, but some times her worry turned into fear and caused her to lose the battle of rational thinking.

The tension felt thick in the air. The awkward silence wasn't something they were used to. Ashlyn rolled her eyes and then rolled the rest of her body towards her wife. She put a hand on Ali's hip and gave her a tender squeeze.

"I'm sorry, Al. I'd rather have you worry than not care at all. I appreciate your thoughtfulness." Ashlyn confessed. She decided it was better to swallow her pride than to make her wife feel bad. 

Ashlyn's kindness brought Ali out of her shell. Ali turned toward her and let Ashlyn pull her into a hug.

"I trust you." Ali said softly into her wife's chest.

"I know." Ashlyn answered.

"I don't know why I worry so much. I wish I could make it stop."

"I know. I should have been more understanding. I'm sorry." Ash apologized again. 

"You don't have to apologize." Ali held on to Ashlyn and shifted her weight so that she was laying on top of her wife. 

Ali's mind had gone back to what she had tried to start moments earlier. 

"Do you know how crazy you make me?" Ali asked. 

"I said I was sorry." Ashlyn answered. She wasn't quite on the same track as her wife at the moment.

Ali rolled her eyes. "I don't mean like that. You drive me crazy and I want to tear off your clothes and show you exactly what I mean. Is that more clear?"

"Uhh...umm...yeah, I think that's pretty clear." 

Ashlyn couldn't deny that her wife was a little crazy. She couldn't really complain about it either. Ashlyn thought that Ali was perfect.


	105. Trees Are For Houses (Part Two)

Ashlyn awoke to two tongues licking her face. Monster on one cheek, and Samuel on the other. 

"Good morning, Bam." Ash greeted her little boy.

Sam barked his response to his Mama.

"I see you're a puppy today. Ok buddy." Ash gave Sam a pat on the head. 

Ashlyn was unfazed by her son's behavior. Sometimes he woke up feeling like it would be a good day to act like a dog. She was used to him being silly. She encouraged his creativity.

Ash carried both pups towards the kitchen. She figured breakfast should be ready soon. 

Sure enough she saw her wife cooking away while Jake and Lex watched Saturday morning cartoons in the living room. 

Ash put Monster down and snuck up behind Ali and startled her. "Babe, breakfast smells good." 

"Gosh, you scared me." Ali jumped a little and had to catch her breath. Once she did she gave her wife and son a kiss.

Samuel barked a few times to tell his Mommy good morning. 

"I see we have two puppies this morning." Ali said and gave her son a pat on the head and rubbed behind one of his ears. Samuel felt ticklish by this and started giggling and wiggling in Ashlyn's arms.

"I think our little puppy-son forgot that we're working with Grandpa today and building a tree house." Ash said.

The little boy perked up and gave an excited howl.

Ali scratched his tummy and said, "Only little boys can help Grandpa. Puppies have to stay in the house."

Samuel took that as his cue to do his best puppy cry. He stuck his lower lip out and whined.

"Sorry bub, dogs can't use hammers or paint brushes. Their paws can't hold them." Ash explained. 

"How about if you be a puppy until after breakfast and then you can be my handsome little boy again?" Ali kissed Sam's nose.

Her suggestion seemed to please the boy. He stuck his tongue out and panted like he had seen Monster do many times.

"Ok, Mommy." Sam answered.

"Oh my gosh!" Ashlyn faked excitement. "We have our very own talking dog. We're gonna be millionaires!" Ashlyn gave Sam kisses on his belly to make him laugh. The little boy was cracking up.

Samuel giggled and smashed Ashlyn's cheeks together. He gave his Mama a kiss on the lips but instead of a normal peck he decided to blow out a sloppy wet raspberry kiss. 

Both women enjoyed their son's unique way of doing things.

"Ya got your spit all over me, Bam!" Ash pretended to be angry and went in for her own raspberry kisses on the boy's stomach. 

The laughter in the kitchen drowned out the knocking at the front door. 

Jacob jumped up from the couch where he and his sister were watching cartoons. He checked the peephole like his Mom taught him and saw that it was his best friend.

Jake opened the door and welcomed his grandpa in. "Hey, Grandpa!"

Sam heard his big brother and yelled from the kitchen, "Hey, Gramps!" 

"I thought you were a dog today." Ali teased.

"Oh yeah.....ruff!" Sam said hello in dog language.

...

After breakfast Ali pulled her Dad aside before they started to work. 

"Daddy, I wanted to thank you for all of your help. I know that not only are the kids enjoying it but it means a lot to Ashlyn." Ali said and gave her dad a kiss.

"It means a lot to me too, Princess. Trust me. I'm probably enjoying it more than everyone else put together." Ali's dad said. He loved his grandkids and his daughter-in-law. Helping them was at the top of his priority list.

"Dad, can you do me a favor?" Ali whispered. She didn't want anyone to hear, especially her wife.

"Yeah, of course."

"Can you please be extra careful with Ashlyn? I just know she's going to get hurt before this tree house is finished. I'd rather it be a splinter and not a sawed of limb." Ali was still worried about her wife's ability to accumulate injuries during the simplest tasks. 

"She'll be ok. She knows what she's doing. But if it makes you feel better, I'll keep an eye on her." Ken promised.

Samuel interrupted their conversation when he barreled into his Grandpa's shins. 

"Gramps, it's time!" Sam shouted. His brother and sister encouraged him to get his grandpa to come outside so that they could get started. 

One of the perks of being older was the ability to force your younger sibling to do things you didn't want to do. In this case Jacob was the master mind. He knew that the cuteness factor of his little brother was too high for his grandfather and mother to ignore. 

Jacob's strategy worked.

"Alright, let's get moving." Ken picked up Sam and carried him to the backyard. Jake and Lex shared a high-five before joining the rest of the family outside.

...

Jake and Lex painted the outside of the walls of the tree house while Ash and Ken built the foundation. Ali kept Sam busy painting 'artwork' for the inside of the walls.

Ash and Ken had decided that the perfect place to build the floor and support beams was 8 feet above the ground where two sturdy branches separate on the tree. 

Ashlyn decided to build a hammock type harness so that she could hang off the tree while she worked instead of having to balance on a ladder. 

Ali gave her dad a worried look. He returned her worry with a smile. He knew Ash was safe, especially since she was only a few feet off of the ground.

When the children finished the outside of the walls Ali declared it a good time to take a break to cleanup up and have lunch. Ashlyn wasn't ready for a break, however. She was almost done with the foundational structure and the floorboards, but she wanted to have more done by this point in the day.

"Ash, come on. It's time for lunch." Ali tried to urge her wife to join the rest of the family.

"I'll be there in a minute." Ash assured her wife. In Ashlyn's mind it would only take a minute but reality did not agree.

...

Ali had the kids cleaned up and sitting at the table waiting on Ash and Ken. She decided that they had waited long enough. 

Ali stomped out to the backyard and put her foot down. "Lunch is ready and we are all waiting for you two." 

"Alex, chill. We'll be there in a minute." Ashlyn continued to focus on the piece of wood Ken was holding and she was hammering into the tree.

"Dad!" Ali knew her wife would keep brushing her off, she had to change her approach. Her dad looked up and saw her gesturing towards Ashlyn asking him to help.

He smiled and nodded at his daughter. "Maybe we should take a little break. I've worked up an appetite." Ken said calmly to his daughter-in-law.

"Hmm, now that you mention it, I'm pretty hungry too." Ashlyn put the hammer down and unhooked herself from the harness she built. She easily landed on her feet when she fell to the ground.

Ali wanted to throw a fit about how her wife would so easily agree with her dad instead of just listening to her in the first place. But she figured it was better than nothing. She rolled her eyes and followed them inside.

...

After lunch Ashlyn let Jacob try out her hanging harness hammock invention. He loved it. He helped put the few finishing touches on the foundational platform. Once Jake was done Ash had to give Lexi and Sam a turn too. Ali was a nervous wreck.

Of course Ashlyn made sure they couldn't fall out. And of course that didn't matter to Ali. She worried all the more.

"Princess." Ali's dad noticed his daughter's nerves. "How about we take a little ride? We need to get some wood chips." 

"Wood chips?" Ali didn't know what her dad could possibly need wood chips for.

"It's for around the tree. Even thought the tree house isn't very high, Ash wanted to make sure the ground was softer in case of impact." Ken said.

It seemed like maybe Ashlyn was concerned about safety after all.

"We're also going to build a small deck and railing where the steps will be and wrap the outside of the railing and deck with a rope netting. Not even Sam can slip through it."

"Wow, you guys thought of everything." Ali was surprised.

"Your wife has been the main architect and idea person. She had a lot of great ideas. I've been giving her advice on how to practically and structurally make it happen, but she's the brains of this operation." Ken said proudly.

Ali shared her dad's pride for Ashlyn. She knew her wife was creative but this was a whole new level that she had never seen. 

"Daddy, I'll go with you. Let me tell Ash first." Ali said. 

Ali hugged her wife from behind and kissed her shoulder and said, "Baby, I'm going to head out with my dad to pick up a few things. Please be careful. I love you." 

Ash turned around so that she could give Ali a real kiss. "What's going on?" Ashlyn knew her wife had been on edge the last couple of days. She seemed to be a lot more positive at the moment.

"I'm just so proud of you and thankful that you would do this for our kids." Ali answered.

"Ok." Ash was confused but decided not to argue. 

"See you soon." Ali said and gave her wife another kiss. 

Ashlyn was in a daze as she watched her wife walk away. She shook her head hard enough to bring her back to reality and went back to playing with her kids.

...

When Ali and Ken returned the family wasn't outside working, or even playing. They were all smashed on the couch watching a movie.

"What's going on in here?" Ali asked.

The children were acting suspicious. For one thing, Samuel was sitting straight up and staring at the tv. He was as still as Ali had ever seen him.

Lexi was leaning on Jacob's shoulder and seemed to be hiding her face, even though her favorite part of the movie was on.

And then there was Ashlyn. She was covered up by a blanket, though her face showed signs of sunburn and it wasn't cold in the house.

Jacob finally answered. "Nothing. We're just sitting here watching a movie."

"Ashlyn?" Ali tried to get a response from her wife. If she could get a good look at her face she figured she could read her like a book.

Unfortunately Ash knew her wife's tactics. She remained stoic and stared at the television as she said, "We're just hanging out."

"Samuel?" Ali knew the weak spot of this group was a four year old boy who was known to spill secrets.

Ashlyn and Jake simultaneously looked toward the boy. They held their breath and waited.

"Nothing, Mommy."

Ali could hear her family sigh in relief. Something was going on. She was going to figure it out.

Ali jumped on Ashlyn's lap. Ashlyn let out a groan of pain when Ali's weight landed on her.

"What's going on, wife?" Ali asked again.

Ali noticed that Ashlyn was holding her breath and had closed her eyes. She looked at her children who seemed to be a mix between terror and shock.

Samuel was about to burst. He couldn't hold it in any longer. "Mama hurt her back!" The boy knew that Ashlyn was in pain and his tender heart couldn't take another second of it.

At Sam's confession Ash let out her breath she was holding and opened her eyes. Ali saw her wife's eyes glistening. She was in pain. It took Ali a moment to put it together that she was the cause of that pain before she jumped up and apologized.

"What happened?" Ali asked with worry evident in her voice.

"I landed weird." Ashlyn confessed.

"Landed from where?" 

"I was hanging on the harness and wanted to see if I could somehow climb onto the platform and my ankle got caught in one of the straps and I fell. I landed on my back." Ashlyn looked guilty. She knew this was the exact thing Ali had been worrying about.

"Why? Why do you do these things, Ashlyn?" Ali said this but didn't wait for an answer. She walked out of the room shaking her head and talking to herself. 

Ashlyn thought she had finally done it. She made her wife go insane.

Ashlyn tried to get up quickly but was slowed down by the pain in her lower back. "Alex, wait up."

She awkwardly followed her wife out of the room. 

"Babe, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get hurt." Ashlyn felt worse about Ali being upset than she did about her injury. 

Ashlyn gingerly made her way up the stairs to find her wife. Ali stopped her at the top of the steps.

"What are you doing?" Ali asked. She had a heating pad, Ash's favorite UNC blanket, and medicine for pain in her hands.

"I thought you were mad." Ash said quietly as she saw her wife's hands filled with things to make her feel better.

"I'm actually amazed that it's taken you this long to get hurt. I was impressed." Ali laughed at her wife and then helped her back down the stairs. 

Ali's Dad recommended that the family take the rest of the day off. It was looking like it might rain anyway. Jake helped him cover everything with tarps just in case. 

...

Ali let her wife sit in her lap during movie night so that she could massage her back and try to work out some of the strained muscles that were causing her pain. 

Jake and Sam laid down on the floor and built a Lego tree house like the real one they had been working on outside. 

Ali's dad held Lexi in his lap while sitting in Ashlyn's recliner. Ali held onto Ashlyn's hips as she looked around at her family. She had to let her family know what they meant to her. She couldn't hold it in.

"Jake can you pause the movie for a minute?" Ali asked.

Her son obeyed even though he was confused.

"I wanted to tell you guys how much I love you." Ali said. 

Ashlyn could hear her wife's voice shake and knew she was about to cry. Ash wasn't able to turn around because of her back so she leaned back into Ali instead.

Ali wrapped her arms around Ashlyn's waist and held her tight.

"I just want you to know how blessed I feel to have all of you in this family. And if you want to make fun of me for getting sentimental all the time just remember that you guys are the reason for it." 

Ali kissed Ashlyn's shoulder and then told her son he could turn the movie back on. She was finished talking. She simply needed her family to know how much she loved them.

...

The next day Ashlyn's back was sore but much better than the day before. She promised Ali she would take it easy. She kept her word to the best of her ability. 

The majority of the work left required lifting and holding things in place while Ali's Dad made sure everything was firmly in place. Jacob and Ken were able to finish up on their own. Sam and Ash cuddled in a lawn chair while Ali and Lexi worked in the garden. Poor Monster was still sentenced to watch from the other side of the sliding glass door. 

The tree house still needed a few finishing touches on the inside and a few other surprises that Ashlyn had been keeping from the kids, but those things could wait until her back was feeling better. 

The family agreed that the project was a big success. They made a lot of fun family memories and they were sure to make a lot more!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be more tree house fun in future chapters.


	106. Beautiful

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a flashback chapter.

FLASHBACK

Ashlyn returned to her and Ali's two bedroom apartment and threw her gym bag on the kitchen table. She kicked off her shoes and searched through their fridge for something to satisfy the hunger she had worked up.

She pulled out a container filled with leftovers and popped it in the microwave. As she waited for the food to heat up she leaned against the counter and took a few sips of Gatorade.

After her fourth sip she thought she had heard something strange. She put the bottle down and ignored the beep of the microwave and looked for her wife. 

She followed the sound that she had heard and pressed her ear against the door of the bathroom. Sure enough, she confirmed that the sounds she heard were the cries of her wife.

"Alex, are you ok?" Ashlyn asked. She tapped lightly on the door and waited for a reply. 

Ashlyn's knock, though gentle, scared Ali. She thought she had more time before her wife returned.

"Umm, I'm ok." Ali tried to sound confident in her reply but it was no use. Her voice was shaky and a little higher pitched than usual.

"Al, can you open the door please?" Ash tried to turn the knob herself but the door was locked.

"I'm ok. Please." Ali sniffed. "Just leave me alone." She begged.

Ali didn't mean to hurt her sensitive wife, but she did. The truth was that there was a part of her that she hid from everyone, even Ashlyn. 

And Ashlyn knew it.

She tried knocking again and said, "Alex, let me in." Her words weren't about opening a bathroom door. She wanted Ali to let her into her heart. 

Ashlyn heard the click of the lock and felt the door knob rotate under her hand. Ali had opened the door a crack for Ashlyn. Ash opened the door completely and hoped that Ali would open up completely too.

"Babe, what's wrong?" Ash knelt down in front of her crying wife. Ali was sitting on the floor with her head in her hands.

"I'm ugly." Ali whispered.

Ashlyn was obviously shocked. There is no one in their right mind who would ever say that Ali Krieger was ugly. That could never happen.

"What? Are you serious?" Ash wanted to be sensitive, but she was shocked. 

Ali lifted her head and said, "Ashlyn, you don't understand. You just don't understand." 

"You're right. I don't understand." Ashlyn was genuinely surprised. She never imagined even having to have this conversation. Most girls struggle with body image and worry about looking ok, but her wife was stunning and sitting on a bathroom floor in tears. It just didn't make any sense to her.

"That's all you can say?" Ali expected a little more sympathy. She didn't realize her wife was in shock. "Get out!" Ali stood up and pushed Ashlyn out of the bathroom. She quickly locked the door to make sure Ash couldn't get back in.

"I'm sorry! What did I do?" Ash had her ear up against the door trying to get a response from her wife.

"Nothing! Just leave me alone!"

"Alex, I'm not going to leave you alone! That's not an option." Ashlyn slid down so that she was sitting on the floor leaning up against the door. She was desperate to get to her wife.

"Please, Ash. I'm so embarrassed." 

Now they were getting somewhere, Ashlyn thought.

"You don't have to be embarrassed around me. That's what I'm here for, to make you feel better. Besides, I'm always doing embarrassing stuff. I'm sure I've done worse." Ashlyn joked.

Ali wasn't laughing.

The apartment stayed quiet for several minutes before Ash heard her wife cry again. 

"Alex, please stop crying. You don't have to open the door, but at least tell me what's wrong." 

Ali sighed loudly. She knew it wasn't fair to keep Ashlyn in the dark. She also knew that the longer she drew this out the more embarrassing it was.

"I feel ugly. Like I'm not pretty enough." Ali said softly.

"What was that?" Ashlyn was trying to hear but the door made it hard.

Ali spoke up louder. "I SAID that I feel ugly!"

"Ali, you're beautiful." Ashlyn didn't have to take even a second to think about her answer. It was the truth.

"You can't even see me, right now." Ali argued.

"I don't have to see you to know you're beautiful." Ashlyn said.

"That doesn't even make sense!" Ali threw her hands in the air in frustration. Ashlyn wasn't helping her feel any better.

"Ali, will you please open the door?" Ashlyn asked. She was getting frustrated too. Her wife was hearing her words but not hearing what she was saying.

Ali slowly opened the door again for her wife. Ash sat down next to her and put an arm around her. She let her hand rest on Ali's hip and pulled her in close. 

"I don't have to see you to know you're beautiful. You're beautiful because of who you are. You're eyes shine because of your heart, not because of make-up. I want to kiss you because your spirit draws me, not because of lipstick or your hair. I want to hold you close because I burn to touch you, not because of what you wear or even what you look like. Alex, you're beauty comes from who you are, not what you look like." Ashlyn saw beauty in her wife in every day things, both big and small. 

Ash continued. "The way you put others first. The way you cut my sandwiches diagonally because you say it's fancier. They way you cook for us, even though you don't have to. Because you know that I'm a terrible cook and I hate doing it. You always put my shoes away even though I leave them in random places and make you mad. You always hold my hand during parts in movies or conversations that you think might make me sad...." Ashlyn could go on and on.

"Alex, all of these things, and so many more, are what makes you beautiful to me." 

"Ash, you're sweet." Ali laid her head on her wife's shoulder. "I've never felt pretty enough. I know it sounds dumb, but it's true. That's why I spend so long getting ready, because I don't feel good enough."

"You're more than good enough. You are incredibly attractive. That's no lie. But you're beautiful in every way. I mean that!" Ashlyn was struggling to find the right words that she wanted to say. 

Ali used the pause in conversation to butt in. "Ash, you have to say all that. You're my wife."

"I am your wife. So I know you enough to tell you I'm telling the truth." Ash leaned her head against her wife's and said, "You could be wearing sweats and you would still be the most beautiful girl in the room. Because it's who you are that reflects beauty to others. Your smile is beautiful, but it's when you let your joy flow out of you that I see your smile at it's best. You light up the whole room." 

Ash kissed the top of her wife's head and continued. "Did you know that when you look at others with kindness and love that your eyes shine? I'm not kidding. And don't even get me started about the warmth that radiates from you when you hug me or hold my hand. There's no one else in this world that is so beautiful to me."

"Ash?" Ali was quiet but her voice sounded strong.

"Yeah?" 

"So, you don't care what I wear, or how my hair looks?" 

"Nope! You're always beautiful." Ash answered.

"Even if I take this off?" Ali asked. She took off the t-shirt that she was wearing.

"Umm." Ashlyn could tell her wife was feeling better. Ashlyn wished she was able to form words, but as it often happens, her wife's advances made her speechless.

"How about if we move this conversation to the bedroom?" Ali asked in the form of a question but she already knew the answer.

"Uh huh. Yeah, ok." Ash said.

Ali stood and helped up her excited wife.

The truth was Ali never felt more beautiful than when she was with Ashlyn.

...

Ashlyn had worked up quite an appetite after working out at the gym and then showing her wife how beautiful she was in the most intimate way possible. She decided she was going to take her beautiful wife out to dinner.

The two women sat at a fairly private table in the back corner of an Italian restaurant. They were waiting on their entrees to arrive while they ate breadsticks and salads.

Ash took a bite of bread and let her curiosity take over. "Babe, I gotta know." She took a sip of wine to wash down the bread before continuing. "And I hope I say it right. You know I never say things right." 

"Ash, just ask." Ali laughed at her wife.

"Well, I mean, you're beautiful. But you're also smoke'n hot! How in the world could you ever think you were ugly?" 

Ashlyn had been pondering this question for awhile. Ash believed that Ali would be beautiful no matter what she looked like, but she looked like a model. She just couldn't understand.

"Thank you for saying that. I'm trying hard to believe you. I mean, I know you believe it, but it's hard for me to." Ali answered.

"How could you not believe it? Have you looked at yourself?" 

Ali rolled her eyes and smiled. "It's not that simple. I remember as a kid my friends and I would get together and talk about other girls. It was mean. I regret it. But the worst part is that while we were judging others I was judging myself. I guess I'm learning that comparing yourself to others, either to put someone down or think less of yourself, only hurts everyone involved."

"That makes sense." Ash scrunched up her eyebrows together and pursed her lips. Ali knew a deep thought was coming.

"If we're always looking to place a value on others based on appearance then internally we will do the same for ourselves. And that kind of beauty doesn't last." Ash said.

"You know babe, sometimes I think you should write a book. That was deep." Ali reached her hand to lace her fingers with her wife's.

"Whatever." Ash took another gulp of her wine.

"When I was growing up I always thought I had to be perfect. I had to be perfect for my parents, my school, my team, my brother..." Ali trailed off. She didn't want to start crying in a public place.

"I get it. Expectations." Ash decided to move to her wife's side of the booth so she could hold her. 

"Yeah, expectations." Ali welcomed her wife's presence next to her. She didn't realize talking about her past would make her feel sad. 

"When I was growing up, I didn't have many people putting expectations on me, besides the bad ones I mean. So, whatever I did there wasn't a lot of pressure from other people. Just myself. I think you had the opposite...plus you had pressure from yourself too." Ashlyn said.

"You know the older I get, I see things a little differently about when I was growing up. I had great parents. I can never complain about that, but I had major self-esteem issues. I never realized it until I got older and had to confront it." Ali watched her wife tear a piece of bread into tiny pieces while she listened closely.

"I think when we're young we block all that stuff out and do what we gotta do to survive. And then when we're old enough to handle things a little better, we start to see things differently." Ashlyn said.

She saw the waitress coming with their food so she got up and moved back to her side of the booth. Once the plates were placed in their appropriate positions Ash added a quick thought. "No matter what, Alex, you know I'll be here with you. And I'll always think you're beautiful."

Ali would always have to struggle with this issue, but she would never again feel like those negative thoughts were true. In the back of her mind she would hear Ashlyn's voice remind her of the truth and make a decision to believe it for herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear Reader, 
> 
> I don't have to see you to know you're beautiful.
> 
> Believe it and go be beautiful.


	107. Safety

“Allll-exxxx.” Ash held out each syllable whining her wife’s name.

“Baby, I’m sorry but you can’t get out of this.” Ali had to be the tough guy and make Ashlyn go to the dentist. Her tooth had been bothering her for a long time. It had gotten so bad recently that she was barely able to eat anything. Ali couldn't let that go on.

Ashlyn was in their bed with the blankets pulled up over her head. Every time Ali tried to remove the comforter, Ashlyn would pull it back up. She was acting like a child.

“Ashlyn, I’m serious! You need to get up right now. We can’t be late.” Ali ripped the covers from her wife's hands and threw them on the floor. "You have to be a good example for our children. Jacob has an appointment next week. You know how scared he is about things like this."

"I'm scared of things like this, too." Ashlyn said sheepishly. 

Ali couldn't help but feel sorry for her. "Sweetheart, you can hold my hand the whole time. I promise I won't let anyone hurt you."

Ashlyn whined one more time and then let her wife help her up. She really hated going to the dentist. 

...

Ashlyn sat moping at the breakfast table. Her family was eating their breakfast but she didn't even try to drink a cup of coffee. Her tooth had been causing her a lot of pain recently and she couldn't chew or drink hot or cold beverages. She was miserable.

"Do you want anything, Ash?" Ali put her hand on Ashlyn's shoulder. She really did feel bad for her.

"No." Ash answered.

"Mama, can I sit with you?" Sam didn't like his Mama looking so sad.

"Sure, Bam." Ash let him climb in her lap and cuddle up close. Her love bug was the perfect medicine for what ailed her.

After Lexi's bus picked her up Ali and Ash dropped off both boys at school and headed straight to the dentist.

...

Ash was waiting for the dentist to come and take a look at the X-rays her assistant had taken. Ashlyn closed her eyes and shook her leg nervously. Ali held her wife's hand and stroked her arm trying to get her to relax. It didn't work.

"Mrs. Krieger-Harris?" The doctor entered the room holding Ashlyn's chart and X-rays.

"That's me." Ashlyn put her hand up slightly and then pointed to Ali. "This is my wife, Ali." 

"Nice to meet you both." She shook both their hands and then showed them Ashlyn's results.

"You need a root canal. You've got an abscessed tooth. I've written you a prescription for an antibiotic to take care of the infection. You will need to come back next week to get it taken care of." The doctor explained.

"What can she do now for the pain? She hasn't been able to eat anything." Ali was glad they had a plan to get the tooth fixed but in the mean time Ashlyn needed relief.

"I can prescribe something. But I have to warn you not to drive or drink any alcohol with it. Try to eat using the other side of your mouth until we get you all fixed up." 

"Ok, thanks doc." Ash was ready to get out of there. Ali made her wait until she was able to schedule another appointment.

...

Ali scheduled Ashlyn's appointment at the same time as Jacob's. She thought it would be convenient that way. He seemed more nervous than Ashlyn, but Ali knew that was only because Ash was putting on a brave face for her son. 

The three of them sat in the waiting room. Ashlyn pretended to be tired. She leaned back against the wall and closed her eyes. She wasn't tired at all. She was trying not to throw up.

Jacob stood up to sort through a pile of magazines on the other side of the room. Ali used his absence as an opportunity to talk to Ashlyn in private. 

"Baby." Ali whispered and nudged Ashlyn's arm. 

Ash hummed a response. She kept her eyes closed and focused on not throwing up.

"I'm gonna have to sit with Jake. Are you going to be ok with that?" Ali asked.

Ash opened her eyes and slowly sat up. "I'll be fine. No big deal." She didn't sound too convincing.

"You WILL be fine, and I'll find you the minute he's done." Ali brought her wife's hand up to her lips to kiss.

"No, it's fine. People get root canals all the time and they do it without having someone hold their hand." Ashlyn still felt like throwing up but she knew she would probably be fine. 

Probably.

When Jacob was called back to get his check up Ali gave her wife a quick kiss for comfort. Ali knew her wife was terrified, but her duty as a mother didn't allow her to take care of her duty as a wife.

...

Jacob was a wreck. He had two cavities that required a novocaine filled needle to numb his mouth. He closed his eyes tight and squeezed Ali's hand tighter. She did the same calming routine with him as she did with Ashlyn. She gently stroked his arm and quietly talked to him to get his mind off of the needle.

The needle was painful but it didn't last long. He was able to calm down once he knew the worst part was over. Ali took his picture with his mouth all droopy from being numb. Jacob found it humorous. He never thought he would be laughing at the dentist's office. It wasn't as bad as he had anticipated.

Once Jake was finished and escorted back into the waiting room, Ali checked on her wife. She was surprised to find her unconscious and with a different dentist working on her tooth.

"Is she ok?" Ali was confused. She hoped Ash didn't faint or something.

"She's fine. She was very anxious so we had the anesthesiologist come in and put her under. She should be up shortly." The doctor said.

"Did she agree to that?" Ali asked. She knew her wife hated the whole situation but she figured she would hate being unconscious even more. She had always been creeped out by the thought of having no control and not knowing what the people were doing to her while she was out. Ali usually told her she was crazy but she still usually complained about that whenever she had had surgery in the past.

"For the most part." The stranger doctor answered. 

"For the most part?" Ali was not happy. "This isn't ok. We don't even know who you are and she's unconscious. No offense to you, but how do we know you're not some creepy doctor? Who gave you permission to do this?"

The doctor stopped what he was doing and approached Ali. 

"Calm down. She was very upset. We needed her to be still before we could help her. There's been several of us in here, so there are plenty of witnesses to vouch for my actions concerning your wife."

Ali wasn't happy, but there wasn't anything she could do about it at the moment. She just wanted to take her son and wife home.

"Can I hold her hand, please? She would want me to hold her hand." Ali asked.

"That would be fine."

...

Ali stayed with Ashlyn after the procedure was done and the room emptied. She waited for her to slowly wake up. Ali still hadn't decided if she was lucky that an oral surgeon took over her wife's tooth problem or not. She didn't like the idea of Ashlyn being in a compromising and vulnerable position all alone. She knew Ashlyn wouldn't like that either.

Ashlyn slowly opened her eyes and immediately put her hand over her puffy cheek. She had bloody gauze in her mouth and was starting to feel the pain of where the surgeon cut. Ali suddenly realized she didn't get any after care instructions from the potentially creepy surgeon. She made a mental note to check on that before they left.

"Hey, Sweetheart." Ali gave Ash a kiss on the forehead and stroked some loose hair away from her face. "How are you feeling?" Ali asked.

"My face hurts." Ash mumbled through gauze and swelling. 

"I'm sorry." Ali carefully took Ashlyn's hand from her cheek and pulled it to her lips. "I'm gonna get Jacob from the waiting room. Will you be ok alone for a few minutes?" Ali asked.

"Mmm hmm." Ash hummed with a small nod to affirm that she would be fine.

"I love you." Ali gave Ash another kiss on the forehead and left to get Jake and then talk to someone about her wife.

...

Jacob sat in the room with Ashlyn waiting for Ali to come back. Ali gave him strict orders to hold his Mama's hand while they waited. 

Ali returned to Jake and Ash joking around. Somehow Jacob was able to interpret Ashlyn's mumbling. 

"Someone's starting to come around." Ali said. She let them know that as soon as Ash felt like she was steady enough to stand and walk they could leave.

It didn't take long for Ashlyn to feel good enough to get out of there. She needed a little help staying focused and keeping balanced, but she was fine. The three of them stopped by a pharmacy for meds and picked up Samuel on the way home.

After Ashlyn took an after-school nap with Sam and Monster she was feeling much better. Ali decided it was time to talk to Ash about what happened at the dentist.

"Ash, do you know why the dentist decided to put you under during your visit today?" Ali had a semi awake Sam in her lap and sat next to Ash in their bed.

Ashlyn looked ashamed. "I was having a panic attack and they couldn't do anything until I calmed down."

"Are you ok with that?" 

"With what?" Ash didn't seem as concerned.

"With them making you unconscious instead of letting you calm down and be comfortable with what they were doing to you." Ali said. The more she thought about it the more upset she got.

"I wasn't really thinking about that." Ashlyn said and after she thought a little bit about it she added. "Do you think I should be upset about it?"

"I don't want you to be upset, but I'm not happy about it. I feel partly responsible. I shouldn't have let them schedule you at the same time as Jake's appointment. I should have been in there with you." Ali said. 

At first Ashlyn was confused by Ali's line of questioning, but now it all made sense. Ali felt guilty because she couldn't be there for her.

Ashlyn, with a crooked and swollen cheek smile, pulled her wife into a side hug. "I love you."

Ali wasn't expecting that response. She figured her wife would get upset along with her. Her affection was a surprise. "What was that for?" Ali asked.

"I appreciate you."

"So you don't care about what happened?" 

"I care about you." Ash said.

Ali thought she must still be drugged.

"Well, I care! And I'm gonna make sure someone hears about it!" 

"I'm sure you will." Ash mumbled. She loved her wife's tenacious attitude when it came to taking care of the ones she loved.

"I'll wait until after your appointment next week to make a scene." Ali said. She was thinking out loud about Ash having to go back to get a crown put in. She would soon wish she had kept that thought to herself.

"Next week! I have to go back?" Ashlyn whined. She pulled the comforter over her head and was determined to hide from reality for as long as it took to miss her appointment the following week.

Ali shook her head and mumbled something about having four children before her and Sam attacked Ashlyn with hugs and kisses, and convinced her to join the rest of the world outside of the safety of her blankets.


	108. Pressure

Down by one with less than a minute on the clock. A hard foul in the box gave the home team a penalty kick. With the team's lone goal the coach chose their scorer to take the kick.

Jacob took a deep breath as he lined himself up just right. He counted out the steps like his Grandpa taught him. He visualized the ball going in the bottom corner, knowing from his Mama that that's one of the toughest shots for a keeper to block.

The ref blew the whistle and he took one more breath in and then out. He took his shot.

...

Ashlyn found Jacob sitting on the team bench after the game. His socks covered in mud and sagging halfway down his shin guards. Everyone else had shaken hands and gathered with their families. Ashlyn asked Ali to take the family and wait for them in the car, while she talked to Jake.

"Hey, son." Ash said. She sat down next to him and put an arm around him. "Tough game."

"Yeah." Jake agreed. He had missed the shot that could have tied the game and kept his team from getting their first loss of the season.

Ash exhaled loudly. "Losing sucks!"

"Yeah."

"You'll get the next one. You gotta move on." 

"The whole time I was out there waiting for the referee to blow the whistle, I kept picturing Mom's World Cup PK. I even tried to put it in the same corner. It freaked me out. It was the worst PK in the history of soccer." Jacob's eyes were watering. He was putting too much pressure on himself. He didn't want to let his team down. He especially didn't want to let his soccer star parents down.

"Yeah, I see your point. You're Mom is kind of ridiculous. Trying to live up to her accomplishments might be a little overwhelming." Ash knew exactly how her son was feeling.

Ash continued. "Take me for example. During that World Cup penalty kick of your Mom's, I was hanging out at home, sitting on the couch, and watching it on tv. I wasn't even considered good enough to sit on the bench. That one really hurt." 

Jacob leaned in closer to Ashlyn and rested his head on her shoulder. He knew she understood what he was feeling.

"For me and your Mom, soccer is our job. It's our dream. It's very important to us. But it's also just a game." Ashlyn said. She rested her head on top of her son's and continued. "Your Mom has had disappointments too. But I think we both know that I take the cake in dealing with disappointment." 

Ashlyn laughed sadly. "If you wanna be great in anything you have to get used to failure. It's just the way it is."

"Yeah, but I worked so hard. I can make that shot. You know I can." Jake said.

"I do know you can. You've made that shot against me a thousand times." Ash answered. "But everybody misses sometimes."

"But I just want to make you and Mom and Grandpa proud. I had a chance and I blew it." Jake couldn't help but beat himself up.

"If you would have scored...I probably would've ran up and down the sideline with Sam on my shoulders screaming my head off and embarrassing your Mom and sister. I would definitely have been proud of you."

Jake laughed at the thought of his Mama going crazy. He had seen her do that sort of thing before.

"But you know what, son?" Ash got serious. "It wouldn't have made me more proud of you." 

"What do you mean?" Jake asked. He was confused. Sometimes Ashlyn got a little too deep for a fourteen year old boy. And sometimes she just said crazy stuff that didn't make sense at all. 

"I mean, I'm maxed out when it comes to being proud of you." Ash answered.

"What does that mean?" Jake still didn't get it.

"Just you being you, makes me proud. If you would've scored that PK, I would have went crazy. You know that's true." Ash laughed at Jake's eye roll and his nod of agreement. "But you're the best I could've ever dreamed of for a son. With or without a PK goal. Trust me, son. I know what it's like to try to be like someone else. I compete with the #1 women's goalkeeper in the world. And you know what? She is better than me." 

"No, she's not!" Jake believed his Mama could take Hope Solo any day.

"I appreciate your support, but she has earned that title. Maybe one day I will have that title. But right now I don't. But do you know what I do have?"

Jake shook his head no.

"I have you. I have your mom. I have your brother and sister. Whether or not I'm declared the best and make the greatest saves."

"So you're saying that the things I have, like family, are more important than scoring a goal." Jake sounded like he was patronizing his mother. She didn't think he quite understood.

"Son, let's say you did score that goal. But there was no one here to see it or cheer for you. Would it really matter?" 

Jake's stomach dropped. He had never thought of it like that before. "No, I guess not."

"If you can learn this lesson now, it's going to save you a lot of pain. I didn't learn it until later in life when I had gotten married and had a family. At the end of the day, soccer is just a game, and you are far more important than a missed shot."

"I get it." Jake said quietly. "But I still wish I could've made that shot."

"Well son, I've got some good news for you." Ash stood up and offered a hand to help her son up.

"What's that?"

"I happen to know the all-star PK kicker who scored the winning goal in the semi-final against Brazil during the last World Cup." Ash said over dramatically.

"That's good. Cuz I know the best goal keeper in the world." Jake wasn't talking about Hope Solo. He hugged his Mama and the two devised a PK practice schedule on the way to meet the rest of the family.

...

"Good game, Jakeys!" Sam encouraged his big brother. He didn't care if he made a hundred goals or no goals. Jake was his hero no matter what.

"Thanks, Sam." Jacob was still disappointed but his talk with Ashlyn helped put things into perspective.

Ali was in the driver's seat in Ashlyn's Jeep and opened the door to let Ash take her normal seat. Ashlyn stopped her.

"You can drive home." Ashlyn said and made her way to the passenger seat.

"I don't know what to do." Ali joked. "I get to drive the beast." 

"Say what you want but you'll fall in love before we make it to the end of the parking lot." Ashlyn said.

No one else saw it but Lexi took her big brother's hand and held it all the way home. Jacob began to really understand what his Mama was talking about.

...

The next morning Ali and Jake woke up early to go for a run together before breakfast. Upon their return they found the rest of the their family in Ali and Ashlyn's bed. Lexi and Monster were awake and playing princess dress-up. Lex had Monster wearing a tiara and wrapped up in a pink scarf. Ash and Sam were still sound asleep.

"When do they come in here? It's always after I wake up. I feel like they wait for me to leave so they can have my side of the bed." Ali complained to her son.

"I think they know Mama will let them sleep and play longer if it means she can too." Jake said.

"I think you've figured it out." Jake left to take a shower while his Mom dealt with the rest of the family.

After Ali told Lexi to get dressed for school she broke the news to her sleepy heads that they needed to get up. As usual it took some convincing but Ali had expertly budgeted there time to allow for her wife and youngest to get up slow. She was more than used to it by now.

Ashlyn carried Sam to his room and helped him get dressed and made sure his bag was packed properly. He asked for a piggy back ride to breakfast and Ashlyn gladly obliged.

"Babe, do you need me to do anything?" Ashlyn asked. She gave her wife a good morning kiss and then turned so that Sam could give her one too.

"Besides getting my handsome boy ready..." Ali pinched Samuel's cheek and left him with a huge grin. "Can you check his bag and make sure he's all set?"

Sam got super excited and yelled out proudly, "Me and Mama did that!"

"Woah! You two are on fire this morning. I'm so proud!" Ali laid it on thick for Samuel. She gave him a quick tickle and told Ashlyn to put him down at the table.

Ash set him down and went straight for the coffee. 

"Hey." Ali called out to her wife and motioned to her to join her by the stove where she was cooking.

Ash did as she was told and stood close to her. "What's up?" Ash asked.

"I love you, too." Ali gave her a tender kiss. "Thank you for taking care of our kids so well. I just wanted you to know that I notice how awesome you are." 

Ash stood there with her eyes closed long after Ali had pulled away from the kiss. To Ali's amusement Ashlyn seemed hypnotized.

"Ash." Ali shook her arm gently to bring her focus back.

"Um, what?" 

"Did you hear what I said?"

"Um...yeah...of course. Yeah, of course." Ash said unconvincingly.

"Ok Sweetheart, whatever you say." Ali gave Ash a pat on the butt and sent her to the breakfast table.

Jacob rolled his eyes at his parents. "It's breakfast, for crying out loud!" 

Ali laughed it off and handed the boy a plate of eggs and bacon. "You know Jacob, some kids' parents don't even like each other. At least you don't have that problem." Ali pointed out.

"Yeah, yeah." Jake took a bite of his food and suddenly remembered something. "Mom, did Grandpa talk to you about picking me up from school today? We are gonna practice shooting." 

"He didn't mention it, but it's ok with me. I'll call to confirm, though. Just to make sure." Ali said. 

"Hey!" Ashlyn interrupted the two planners of the family. "What about me?"

"What about you?" Ali said.

"Why ask her? Why not me?" Ash directed her questions towards her son and pointed at her wife.

Ali rolled her eyes as soon as she figured out her wife's angle.

"Mom is the one who's in charge around here, right?" Jake said.

Ali busted out in laughter. She really was the one who made most of the every day decisions that kept the family moving smoothly, but that was usually because Ashlyn didn't care about all the details.

Ash just shook her head and gave Ali a pointed look. Ali sympathized and gave Jake a better explanation about what really goes on.

"We're a team, Jake. Some things your Mom prefers me to handle. And other things she takes care of. But we're equal partners."

Ash nodded her head in agreement. Ali's answer was acceptable in her mind. But she decided to add one more thought. "All that is true but...yeah, your Mom calls the shots around here." Ash laughed.

...

After a week of after-school shooting practice with Ali's Dad, on top of his regular team practice, Jacob found himself in a similar position as the week before. 

This time though, his team was tied up and needed a goal to win the game. Jacob set the ball down at the penalty spot and counted his steps. He thought about all of the things his Grandpa had told him the previous week. He made sure everything was just right.

And then, just like last week, his brain flickered to the famous PK his mother had taken. However, instead of causing him to freeze up and freak out, this time it caused him to smile with confidence. 

He could handle the pressure this time because it was just one shot in a game. Whether he scored or not, he would still feel like the luckiest kid on the field.

...

The crowd went wild! Lexi was embarrassed by the screaming tattooed blonde woman running down the sideline and screaming her head off for Jake. 

The game ended. The family celebrated. And Jake learned the secret of stress free penalty kicks.


	109. Cavity Cookies

“This is going to be a disaster.” Ashlyn mumbled under her breath. 

Jacob was at soccer practice and Ali had taken Sam to story-time at the local library. Ashlyn told Lexi she could pick anything for the two of them to do together while the rest of the family was gone. Lexi chose to bake cookies for the family as a surprise.

It wasn’t a secret that the kitchen and Ashlyn didn't get along. She had been cut, bruised, battered, burned, and had her heart broken in there. There were too many wasted hours and ingredients to ever make her want to invest anymore of her life into it. 

But how could she say no to her little Princess.

“What did you say, Mama?” Lexi didn’t know what Ashlyn said but she knew she had said something. 

“Nothing, Princess.”

Ashlyn searched through the cabinets for anything that had a cookie on the front of the package. She remembered that sometimes Ali would buy the packages of cookie dough that was already mixed and you pop them in the oven and go back to watching TV or playing outside. Unfortunately she couldn’t find any shortcuts to save her. 

“Mama, can we make chocolate chip cookies?” Lexi asked.

Ashlyn took a moment to think. She needed to figure out what ingredients were needed for chocolate chip cookies. No matter what, she wasn’t going to disappoint her daughter. She was going to play it off like she was an expert baker and Lex would never be the wiser.

“You know what, Princess? We are going to make some awesome chocolate chip cookies today. But first we have to get some good stuff to make them with.” Ashlyn said. 

“Are we going shopping?” Lexi loved to shop, especially with Ashlyn. Ashlyn was a little less worried about the family budget than Ali, so Lexi was ready to really have some fun.

“Put your shoes on and we can go get some good stuff!” Ashlyn said. She waited for Lexi to disappear upstairs before she pulled out her phone and searched for cookie recipes. She made a quick list of ingredients and was ready to show her daughter that she was a master baker after all.

...

Ashlyn’s thought on baking was ‘The more stuff you can cram into the cookie the better.’ Lexi filled the shopping cart with marshmallows, m&m’s, nuts, toffee chips, peanut butter chips, and of course chocolate chips. Ashlyn also threw in some chocolate and caramel syrup, as well as some ice cream. She was going to make sure they made a masterpiece.

Once they got home and unloaded their special ingredients, it was time to get started. Ashlyn pulled up the recipe on her phone and followed it carefully. She was amazed at how Lexi seemed to know where things were better than she did.

“You and Mommy bake a lot together, don’t you?” Ash asked.

“Yeah. I like to help her. She lets me do a bunch of stuff. But we always have to be careful to follow the instructions exactly.” 

“Mommy likes everything to be a certain way. You don’t have to worry about that with me. I like to let creativity take over.” Ashlyn felt that this might be the only way she could ever compete with Ali in the kitchen. 

Ashlyn felt like a baking fraud. She would google the tips and tricks of baking and present them to Lexi throughout their preparations as if she had years of experience. She wanted her daughter to think she was a professional.

"Mama, we should be on TV." Lexi said as she poured in another cup of chocolate chips.

"I think you may be right. We're the best bakers in the world!" Ashlyn held up the cookie dough covered wooden spoon in her hand like it was an Olympic torch. 

Lexi giggled at Ashlyn. She loved helping her Mommy, but her Mama sure did make baking a lot of fun.

Once the cookies were in the oven, Ashlyn made sure to watch them like a hawk. She knelt down in front of the window of the oven door and watched them bake.

"Mommy usually sets a timer so we can clean up." Lexi said. She had no idea how nervous Ashlyn was that something would go wrong. 

"Mommy's not here, is she?" Ash smiled at her daughter. "We can clean up later."

To Ashlyn's credit, the cookies didn't burn. However, with all of the extra ingredients they were too rich to eat more than just one at a time. 

Lexi and Ash decided to call them cavity cookies. If you eat too many you would have to go to the dentist, for sure.  
...

Ali and Sam arrived home to find Lex and Ash outside washing Ashlyn's Jeep. Ali rolled her eyes. 

"I should've known you would use her as free labor to wash your beast. I thought we discussed doing something she would like to do." Ali was disappointed that Ashlyn would be selfish in their efforts to bond with their children.

"Oh please, woman!" Ash said as Sam ran to her for a hug. She lifted him up and gave him a kiss. "I let her choose. We made cookies." 

"Cookies!" Sam yelled. He was a lover of cookies. Ashlyn called him the cookie magician, because he could always make them disappear. Sam started to do an excited wiggle dance in Ashlyn's arms. He was ready to eat.

"You two made cookies?" Ali seemed shocked.

"I'll have you know Lex and I are very good bakers. We're the best. Right, Lex?" Ash asked her daughter.

"Yup! We're the best!" Lex easily agreed.

"I wasn't questioning Lexi's abilities..." Ali didn't need to say anything else.

Ash took the hose she had in her hand and pointed it at her wife. She gave her a moment to see the nozzle pointed towards her before she squeezed the trigger and sprayed her down. Ash had no remorse in spraying her wife with the cold water.

"ASHLYN!" Ali ran towards her. She was ready to get revenge. 

"Babe, I've got Sam. Be nice." Ash screamed as she tried to hide behind the other side of her Jeep.

"Mommy, get me wet too." Sam encouraged Ali, thus taking away any hesitation she might have.

"Sam you're supposed to be on my side, man." Ash ran quickly into the house with her son in her arms. She knew Ali would never make a mess inside.

...

After Ali had dried off and changed, she discovered the monumental mess her wife and daughter had left in the kitchen. She shook her head. On one hand she was thankful her wife went to such great lengths to let their children know they were special. On the other hand, she somehow had chocolate syrup on the ceiling.

There was only one thing to do...

"ASHLYN MICHELLE!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ashlyn had a history of getting battered in the kitchen..."battered"...Get it?
> 
> Sorry. I like dumb jokes.


	110. Celebrate

Ali and Ashlyn were back at National Team Camp. Everyone was at a team dinner after a double practice day. The married couple went down to eat together but Ashlyn seemed to have disappeared the moment Ali turned away to talk to Pinoe. Once she turned back around, Ash was gone. 

"Where did my wife go?" Ali said quietly to herself and scanned the room. She couldn't find her.

"She's probably in the bathroom or something." Pinoe had heard Ali talking to herself and came up with the most probable answer. "Or she got distracted by a butterfly." Megan added to her answer. She loved giving her friend a hard time.

Ali laughed at the high possibility that something, if not a flying bug, got her attention and pulled her away.

After almost 20 minutes, Ali started to debate about whether she should be annoyed or worried. She was about to check the bathroom when she saw her wife walk back into the large room where their teammates had gathered to eat. Ali watched Ash pick up a plate and fill it with food. She watched her fill up a cup of juice and carefully balance the very full glass. As she approached her table, Ash's face was like stone, completely expressionless. 

Ali knew something was up.

Ali stared Ash down trying to figure out what was going on. Ashlyn knew that her wife was eager to know where she was, but she couldn't spill just yet.

When you've been married for as long as they have, and are as close as they are, you don't need words to communicate. But in this case Ash knew her wife's curiosity would make it hard for her to hide anything from the people around them.

Ashlyn leaned over and whispered in her ear, "Everything's good, but I can't tell you now with everyone around." After Ash finished her quiet secret message, she kissed Ali on the cheek to cover up the fact that she had leaned in to whisper in her ear.

"You two have been married for like a million years. It's time to tone down the PDA." Crystal said. She was their Washington Spirit teammate and had seen this sort of thing all the time when they hung out.

This only encouraged Ashlyn to be more expressive. She pulled her wife towards her and gave her a passionate kiss. She made sure to include a little tongue just to make a point. This gesture revealed to Ali that her wife was excited about something. The two of them were usually very professional when it came to PDA at work. Of course, being inside during a private team meal setting is quite different than out on the field in front of the public. 

Ali felt that this behavior was an indication that Ashlyn had wanted to kiss her for some reason, and this was her way of doing it. The group would think it was a joke but it meant more to Ash.

Something was definitely up.

...

After Ali watched Ash shovel three plates of food into her mouth, they were finally ready to move to a more private place. Ali took Ash's hand and practically pulled her out of there.

"Babe, careful with the hand. These are my money makers." Ash grinned and held up both hands. Ali was too curious to waste time laughing. She took her wife's hand again and led her outside. The women walked to a nearby bench and took a seat.

"Are you gonna tell me, or what?" Ali asked. She was certain Ashlyn was trying to torture her. The truth was that Ashlyn knew she needed to be far away from anyone else to be able to really share what was on her heart and mind. She didn't want her joy to be misinterpreted.

"Paul said I'm gonna get the next start. He said just in case anything happens and Hope can't play, he wants me to be ready because, as of right now, I'm officially the back up for the World Cup Qualifiers roster. And if everything goes as planned I'll be part of the World Cup team." Ashlyn finally let a smile erupt from her face. Her eyes were quickly filling up with tears. After years of working and hoping but only receiving disappointment in return, Ashlyn's time had finally come.

Ali was in shock. She didn't expect to hear anything about the official roster for at least another week. She had always been Ashlyn's biggest fan. She was the one that encouraged her to keep going even when it seemed like the world was against her ever getting a chance. Ali had faith in her wife when Ashlyn didn't. She's the reason she kept going.

"Really?" Ali whispered. She knew Ashlyn deserved it, but the journey had been long and hard.

"Really." Ashlyn answered and nodded.

Ali jumped up and wrapped her arms around her wife's neck. She pulled her in for a kiss. 

"Baby, I'm so proud of you. You deserve it more than anyone." Ali said.

"Well, I don't know about that, but I owe it all to you. Thank you for everything, Alex." 

"Don't thank me. Thank yourself. You're the one who didn't give up. You're the one that put in all the extra hours after practice and went through hundreds of hours of film to work on your weaknesses and study opponents. This is all you, baby!"

Ashlyn couldn't take the credit. "Babe, it was a joint effort. Besides it's not that big of deal. Things could change. You know how things are around here."

"I do know how things are. No matter what, I'm proud of you." Ali gave her wife another kiss and then laid her head on Ashlyn's shoulder. She wanted to hold her. She wanted the whole world stop and let them embrace the moment that they had both been waiting for.

...

It took a long time for both women to come back from cloud nine. Ashlyn gave Ali strict orders not to say anything to anyone. 

She felt like her happiness may be misinterpreted by other players. Ashlyn knew first hand how hard it was to find out someone else was chosen over you. She didn't want to be the source of hurt for anyone.

But Ali couldn't help it. She had to tell someone.

...

"Congrats, dude." Tobin said and gave Ash a congratulatory slap on the back.

"For what?" Ash asked. She had a good idea that her wife had said too much to their good friend, but she wanted to be sure before she said anything.

"Alex told me about the roster deal. Good job, man." Tobin said. She confirmed Ashlyn's suspicions.

"My wife can't keep a secret." Ashlyn laughed.

Tobin laughed. "Yeah, neither can my fiancé."

"So how is everything going with your engagement and all?" Ash knew that Tobin's parents weren't supportive of the relationship and wanted to check up on her friend.

"Pretty good. Alex and I had a great time camping." 

"I still can't believe you talked her into going camping with you." 

"What? It was her idea." Tobin replied.

"It was her idea because she knew you'd like it. I'm just saying she would probably be happier on some exotic island, or something." Ashlyn said.

"Yeah, probably but she wanted us to camp out and stuff. It was great!"

"So, um, how are things with your parents?" Ashlyn asked. She wanted to know how her friend was really doing. Tobin had always been close to her family. Their recent rejection had to really be hurting her.

"Uh...not great. But there's not much I can do about it." Tobin said. There was an instant change in Tobin's demeanor. "Alex tried a couple of times to see if they wanted us to visit. But they weren't interested in seeing me."

Ashlyn hated hearing that. A parent should never turn away from their child, especially when the child is making an effort to reconcile with them.

"I'm sorry, Tobs. That sucks."

"Yeah, well...what can ya do?" Tobin shrugged it off, letting Ashlyn know she didn't want to talk about it anymore. It was obviously hurting her more than she wanted anyone to know.

"I think you're great, Tob. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise." 

"This coming from the newest national team superstar! Thanks, dude." Tobin gave Ash a high-five and promptly changed the subject. She would rather talk about anything else besides her parents.

...

Ali was just getting out of the shower when her wife came back from her visit with Tobin.

"I've been waiting all night for you, Ash!" Ali was excited to spend some alone time with her wife.

"Sorry, Babe. I was talking to Tobin. We chased some pigeons down the street." Ashlyn replied.

"Wait...you what?" 

"We were talking and then some pigeons came up to us and we were like 'Hey let's see how close they will let us get to them.' And that turned into us chasing them."

"You're weird." Ali had nothing else to say about that. Her wife was an almost thirty year old child.

"I may be weird, but at least I can keep a secret." Ashlyn scolded her bride.

Ali tried not to smile. She looked so guilty sitting on their bed in a towel. She knew what Ashlyn was referring to. She knew she was guilty as charged.

"Sorry." Ali said quietly. Then she proceeded to defend her actions. "But it was only Alex!"

"ONLY Alex? Alex told Tobin."

"So what! Who cares? Tobin won't say anything. Even if she does, who is she gonna tell? If anyone it would be Lauren and she's great at keeping secrets." Ali felt like her reasoning was sound. Ashlyn should be able to accept that and move on.

"Ok, ok. You're lucky you're in a towel and we have some celebrating to do, or I might be mad at you." Ash said.

"Yeah, right." Ali challenged. She knew her wife well enough to know that Ashlyn wasn't upset about this. If anything she was happy that her close friends already knew.

Ashlyn sat down next to Ali and lifted Ali's towel up a few inches from where it rested on her thigh. Ashlyn was ready to get serious about celebrating with her wife.

Unfortunately, Ali had other thoughts.

More specifically, Ali had one other thought.

"Baby, I forgot to tell you. Jacob asked me to have you call him when you got back." Ali interrupted her wife's advances.

"Why does he need me to call him?" Ash was a little worried about her oldest child.

"I don't know." Ali handed Ash her cell phone and got up to put on some pajamas. Ash didn't see the proud smile that was on her face. She knew exactly why Jacob wanted to talk to Ashlyn.

Ash dialed their home number and her smallest boy picked up. 

"Hello?" Sam said.

His little voice almost made Ashlyn cry. She didn't realize until that moment how much she missed her kids.

"Hey, Bam! I miss you."

"I miss you more, Mama!" Sam said excitedly. He then proceeded to tell her a story about Monster eating a bug in the back yard. 

Ashlyn let him talk as long as he wanted before she asked to talk to Jacob. She thought of her friend Tobin and wanted to make sure her children knew she would always be there to listen and accept them.

"Hey bub, can you give the phone to Jake?" Ash asked.

"Yeeee-up!" Sam ran to find his brother. Ash could hear him get distracted a few times when he stopped to pet his dog and when he jumped on each stair leading to his big brother 's room. He alternated hopping on one foot on each step.

She overheard him tell Jacob that the phone was for him. She heard some shuffling and weird noises. He must've handed it to Jake but then asked for it back.

"Bye, Mama! I love you." Sam said. 

"Bye, Sam-Bam. I love you, too." Ash answered. The next voice she heard was much lower and it belonged to her favorite teenager.

"Hey, Mama." Jake said.

"Hey, son. I miss you, man." Ash replied.

"I miss you, too."

"Your Mom said you wanted to talk to me. What's up?"

"Oh...um...I wanted to tell you that my team made me the captain today. Coach said I'm the most improved player." Jacob wanted his Mama to be proud of him.

"Dude, that's awesome. Congratulations! I'm so proud of you. All that hard work has paid off." Ashlyn couldn't be happier for your son.

"Thanks. Um, I wanted to tell you that you really helped me. After I told Mom she told me about you and the roster and stuff. I don't know. I guess I wanted you to know I was proud of you. And I wanted to thank you for helping me. You're like my role-model." Jacob said.

Ashlyn didn't know what to say. It meant so much to her that her son would even take the time to say that.

"Thanks, Jake. That means a lot to me. It really does. I can't wait to watch you play with the captain's band on." Ash said.

"Thanks. I'll play hard. I promise."

"I know you will, son."

After that the two talked about the most recent mischief Sam and Monster had gotten into. Ashlyn told him to keep an eye on his brother, even though she knew she didn't have to. He was always looking out for Lexi and Sam.

Ash said goodbye to Jake and then spent a few minutes talking to her daughter. The two planned another date night and decided that they were going to go on a bike ride together with NO BOYS ALLOWED! Lexi needed a break from her brothers.

After Ash hung up she gave Ali a sweet and tender kiss and said, "We have a great family."

"We really do." Ali agreed.

"Thanks for being my wife." Ash gave her another kiss.

"Thanks for being my wife." Ali returned the favor.

"Now..." Ash smirked. "Where were we?" She said and laid her wife down on the bed.

She was ready for a proper celebration.


	111. Responsible

Tap, tap, tap. 

Jacob tapped nervously on the arm of the chair he was occupying. He had gotten in trouble at school and was waiting in the school office for his parents to pick him up. Jake knew that his place in the Krieger-Harris family wasn't at risk. His parents had made that clear to him. But this was the first time anything like this had happened. He was a bundle of nerves.

The boy moved from tapping to picking. He picked at the loose stitching on one of his tennis shoes while waiting for his upcoming judgment. Every time the door opened he looked up worried that it was his parents. It took a half hour for Ali to get there. She walked through the door with Samuel. She was holding his hand and looked flustered. Sam ran straight to Jake. He had no idea that this was a serious situation. All he cared about was seeing his big brother. 

"Jakeys!" Sam exclaimed. He ran to Jake and climbed up into his lap. Jacob couldn't match his brother's excitement. He gave him a hug but looked up sadly at his mother waiting for her to yell at him.

"Where's Mama?" Jacob asked.

"She's with your Grandpa. Don't worry. I left her a message. As soon as she hears it, I'm sure she'll find us." Ali answered. Her tone was obviously upset. She was angry. This was the first time Jacob knew for sure he had made his Mom angry because of his behavior.

Jacob and Ashlyn were close in their own way. He thought of her as a parent, of course, but also as a buddy-type. He wished she was the one here and not Ali. He thought Ashlyn would go easier on him. Ali usually took things a little bit more seriously that Ashlyn. He knew he was gonna get it.

The principal called Ali into his office and told her that Jacob had gotten into a fight with another boy. There were witnesses, including a teacher, that saw Jake throw the first punch. There was no question that he was the first one to use violence. Jacob was suspended for a week.

Ali was furious. She told Ashlyn that putting their kids in karate class would increase the chances of them getting into fights. Now she has been called by two of her children's schools regarding fighting. Lexi was defending herself, but this time Jacob was the one to start it.

After the brief meeting she took Samuel from Jacob's lap and carried him to the car. She didn't speak to Jake. She knew he would follow her. She didn't need to say a word.

Jacob felt sick. He would carefully steal glances at his Mom's expression during their drive home. He was trying to gage her anger but he had never seen her this upset. His worried thoughts were interrupted by Ali's cell phone. Ashlyn had finally heard her wife's message and was calling to get more details.

Ali put her bluetooth device in her ear and answered the call. Jacob carefully listened to the one-sided conversation.

"Hello."

Jacob noticed that his Mom didn't look very happy to hear from his Mama.

"We're on our way home now. We'll meet you there." Ali said. 

Jake saw that it seemed like Ashlyn had interrupted Ali before she could end the conversation.

"We'll talk about it later." Ali answered. "Good-bye."

Jacob had never heard his mother hang up the phone with Ashlyn without saying 'I love you.' Now he was really worried.

...

Ali pulled into the garage and saw that her wife was already home. She took her time to get Sam out of his car seat and carry him inside. She was upset and knew she needed to calm down. She was worried her anger would get the better of her. She really was trying to work on her anger problem.

"Mama!" Sam yelled. Sweet Sam was oblivious to the tension of the situation. 

Ashlyn couldn't help but smile. Her son always brightened her day. He could brighten anyone's day. "Hey, Bam. I missed you while you were at school." 

Ali handed him off to her wife and scanned the surrounding area. "Where's Jacob?" She asked.

"I sent him to his room, so I could talk to you." Ash answered seriously.

"Good idea." Ali answered calmly. 

Ashlyn thought she was too calm. She reminded her of how serial killers are portrayed in the movies. Ashlyn decided she needed to get Samuel out of there. "Sam, go take Monster out back. He's been wanting to play with you all day."

"Ok, Mama!" Sam said. He was more than happy to spend some one on one time with his favorite dog.

Both women watched the boy open and close the glass door leading to the backyard. Once the door was completely closed Ashlyn knew it was coming. 

"So, you're mad at me. Is that what's happening right now?" Ashlyn asked.

"What's happening right now is that our son has used his knowledge in karate to be violent with a classmate. Ashlyn, I told you that it was a bad idea to give them lessons. Why did I give in?" Ali was ready to use some karate moves on Ashlyn. 

"Babe, it's not that big of a deal. He''s a fourteen year old boy. Boys fight." Ash answered.

"Don't 'babe' me! It is a big deal. Are you happy with raising a bully? Is that what your goal as a parent is? How many times have we told our kids to be kind and compassionate? Your karate classes have done a great job at teaching them that!" Ali said sarcastically.

"You're being irrational. You need to calm down." Ash was almost at her boiling point. Ali was trying to make her feel like she was the one to blame for her son's bad decision.

"Irrational?" Ali sarcastically asked. This was the moment where Ali lost the battle with controlling her anger. "You think it's irrational for me to want to protect my children from a violent life? You are supposedly the one who hates violence of any kind, yet somehow you convince me that it's a great idea to let them practice violence on a weekly basis. How could I have been so stupid to trust you? Of course they're going to get into fights!"

There it was. Ali didn't realize what she had done. Her anger had blinded her from the hurt on her wife's face. 

Ashlyn cleared her throat and opted not to say anything. She was much better at controlling her anger. She headed up to her oldest son's room and left Ali alone to simmer down.

...

Ashlyn knocked on Jake's door and waited for him to answer. He opened the door and seemed a little out of breath. Ash didn't know it but Jacob had overheard his parent's conversation. He had been hiding at the top of the stairs listening to the entire exchange. When he heard Ashlyn coming he sprinted to his room so he wouldn't get caught.

"Talk to me, son. What happened? Why did you get into a fight today?" Ash asked calmly.

"Uh, some kid was being a jerk. I guess I lost my temper." Jacob said. He sounded ashamed.

"Losing one's temper seems to run in our family." Ashlyn mumbled. She was still feeling hurt from Ali's comments, even though she chose not to respond to them.

Ashlyn and Jake didn't know it but Ali was listening in on their conversation. Apparently eavesdropping also runs in their family. She was listening just outside the door.

"Mama, I heard what Mom said to you. I'm really sorry. I was't trying to show off, or anything. I just got mad." Jake felt horrible that he was the cause of Ashlyn getting in trouble.

"Don't worry about it, son. I get in trouble all the time."

Ali wanted to cry. She might as well have followed Jacob's example and punched Ashlyn. It would have probably hurt her less than her words.

Ashlyn wanted to get to the bottom of her son's reason for fighting. She hated the thought of him hurting another person. "Jake, why did you hit that boy?"

"He was being really mean to a girl in my class. Her brother is on my soccer team and he told me that she struggles with her weight. She sometimes starves herself because people pick on her about it. I didn't want her to get her feelings hurt anymore." Jacob explained. 

Ashlyn could tell he was telling the truth. His eyes never left her. He seemed to hurt for the girl. Apparently Ali and Ash were successful in raising their children to be kind and compassionate after all.

"You punched him for making fun of this girl?" Ash asked to clarify.

"Well, not at first. I told him to stop and told her that he was wrong. Then he started teasing her again. I asked him to stop or else I would have to make him stop. He didn't stop." Jacob took a breath and then added, "I'm really sorry. I didn't know what to say or do. I didn't want to fight him."

"I believe you." Ashlyn paused for a moment. "I need to talk to your Mom about your punishment. I want you to understand that I am proud of you for sticking up for someone being bullied, but it is not ok to hit someone. Self-defense is one thing, but fighting should be a last resort."

"I know, Mama. I honestly didn't know what else to do. I'm really sorry." 

"You can stop apologizing. I believe you. Now, why don't you go cram in as many games of playstation as you can before your Mom and I decide on your punishment." Ashlyn gave Jake a pat on the back and stood up to deal with her wife next.

Ali heard her wife mention her and hurried down the stairs to make sure Ash didn't see her. She saw Samuel happily playing outside and thanked God that he didn't hurt himself during his unsupervised playtime. She felt like a bad wife and mother now.

She heard her wife's footsteps down the stairs and kept her eyes on her son. She wanted to hide for as long as she could. Ashlyn approached her from behind and could see Ali's reflection in the glass. She saw that she was crying. 

Ali heard Ashlyn sigh loudly behind her. She slowly turned around. Ashlyn moved with compassion and held out her arms toward her. Ali wasn't going to question it. She needed her wife's understanding at the moment. She was glad she had it.

"I heard what you and Jake talked about." Ali mumbled into Ashlyn's shoulder. 

"Sneaky." Ashlyn tried to lighten the mood. She really wasn't surprised. She didn't mind, either. She wasn't one to keep secrets with her children from her wife. That sort of thing wasn't her style.

"Ash, I'm sorry. Please forgive me." Ali was ashamed. 

"I forgive you." Ash cut to the chase. She knew Ali was truly sorry. She didn't need to drag it out.

"Ashlyn, you're too sweet to me. I don't deserve you." Ali whispered. 

"You can pay me back later." Ash smiled. She gave her wife a kiss on the forehead and got down to business.

"What do you wanna do about Jake?" Ash asked. 

"The school has already suspended him for a week." Ali answered.

"Yeah, but to a fourteen year old that's like a reward." Ashlyn said. "Haven't you ever been suspended before? It's like a vacation from school."

"No, I've never been suspended before!" Ali almost sounded offended that Ash would even ask.

"Oh, sorry. I forgot you were born perfect and haven't ever done anything wrong in your entire life." 

"Whatever!" Ali smacked her wife's arm.

"Seriously, though. What should we do about Jake?" 

"We can make sure that his 'suspension vacation' is a week of hard work and studying." Ali answered.

"That's a pretty good idea. So would it be like a week long punishment during school hours?" Ash asked.

"Yeah, I guess. That way he can still play soccer."

"That kind of sounds like a lot of work for us, though. We'll have to come up with things for him to do and supervise him." Ash said.

"That's the high price of being a responsible parent." Ali gave her wife a smile and a kiss before gasping in horror.

"What's wrong?" Ash asked.

Ali ran outside and stood underneath Samuel who was hanging upside down from the rope netting around the treehouse stairs. The four year old was hanging on for dear life.

So much for being responsible parents, Ashlyn thought before she ran out to save her son's life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 100 bonus points to all of you for putting up with my typos and errors and not judging me. 
> 
>  
> 
> I swear I proofread. Somehow it seems that every time I read through these chapters I find at least one more error. So, thank you for not being mean to me about it!
> 
> PS... -1000 points if you do judge me.
> 
> PSS...I'm kidding. You won't lose points, but you also won't get any either. So....your choice.


	112. Careful Planning

Jacob had served most of his week-long suspension at home doing every chore Ali could think of. Ashlyn had another form of punishment for him. She thought up a different scenario every day for him to write a 1,000 word essay on. 

Each essay was about him having to figure out how to handle a bully without fighting. Jacob thought it was stupid and boring, but by the end of the week he felt differently. Having to think through the different situations gave him answers he could use if he encountered bullies in the future.

Earlier that week Ashlyn had received a phone call from a high school friend. There was a last minute cancelation by the main speaker for his charity organization. He asked her to fill in and speak to people who struggled with depression and self-harm. Ashlyn's message to share was always one of hope and love. She decided she wanted to get involved. It was a quick two day trip. She could have made it a longer trip but she tried to limit her time away from her family, if she could control it. 

Ashlyn and Ali had a long discussion concerning the trip. Ali was supportive and proud of her wife and the mission she was on to help hurting people. She was more than happy to share her amazing wife with the world for a couple of days if it would help someone who needed it. However, Ash also wanted to bring Jacob along.

The boy would have to miss one practice with his soccer team that he had recently been named captain of. That was the reason there was hesitation in Ali's mind to send him with Ashlyn.

"I feel that it would be good for him to be around a positive message of self-worth and compassion." Ashlyn said. To her it was a no-brainer.

"Obviously it's a great setting for a teenage boy, but he has a commitment and responsibility to his team. You know the sacrifices that being on a team requires." Ali said. She had missed plenty of important events because of her team commitments. It was a way of life for her. 

"Babe, he's fourteen. He's not a pro. It's not his job." Ashlyn said.

She had a point. It wasn't the same thing. Plus he had recently gotten in trouble and it would be good for him to go somewhere that would put things into proper perspective. 

After an hour long debate, Ali agreed. 

...

At first Jacob wasn't happy about having to miss practice. Ali had spoken to his coach and had his full support, but Jake still didn't like it.

Once he had gotten over the idea of missing practice he felt pretty good about spending some alone time with Ashlyn. He felt like he was important because he was with the guest of honor.

It didn't take long for him to realize that Ashlyn was more than just his hero. She was a hero to many. 

Countless people approached them. She would proudly introduce him and brag about him, but they would always focus back on her. He heard story after story of people who had been helped by something she had shared about her own story. People who were inspired to search for hope, even in the darkest of times.

Jacob was proud of his mother.

...

"Mama, did you miss me?" Lexi gave Ashlyn's cheek a sweet kiss. 

Ash and Jake had returned home and had lots of stories to tell. 

"Of course I missed my special little Princess!" Ashlyn answered. She reached into her pocket and pulled out her daughter's favorite candy from her pocket as proof that she thought of her while she was away.

"What about me, Mama? Did you miss Bam?" Sam had recently started referring to himself in the third person. 

This surprised Ashlyn. She answered honestly, none the less, "Yes, Bam. I missed you so much!" Ash gave him a fist-sized jawbreaker that she had bought for him. She knew he would love it.

"I missed you more!" Sam took the candy and lifted his arms up. He missed being held in his Mama's arms.

Ash gladly picked him up and held him close. The boy stayed in her arms for a while after that. He didn't want to let her go.

"So, what about me?" Ali said. She looked at her wife like she had forgotten all about her.

"I'm not allowed to say how much I missed you. There are minors present." Ash answered. She pulled Ali in for a one armed hug. After a quick hug and kiss she let her hand graze down Ali's side from her shoulder all the way down to her hip. She let her hand rest on her wife's butt.

"Gross!" Jake was old enough to understand Ashlyn's flirting and he made sure to remind her of that fact every chance he got.

"Son, give your mother a kiss and quiet down over there." Ashlyn joked. Her poor son would get no relief when it came to Ashlyn's affection for Ali. It was like an unstoppable force to him.

"By the way, I brought a little something home for you too." Ash whispered into Ali's ear.

"She got it from a fancy underwear store when she thought I wasn't looking." Jacob ruined his mother's surprise. He wanted Ashlyn to know she hadn't fooled him.

"Son, I thought I told you to quiet down." Ash said and gave her wife's butt a squeeze. She really didn't care. She was trying to sneak behind her son's back to get her wife a gift to save her son the embarassment, but since he's the one bringing it up she figured he deserved whatever he got.

...

Ashlyn played in the treehouse with Lexi and Samuel, while Ali and Jacob bonded over cooking dinner.

"How was the trip, Jacob?" Ali asked. "We sure missed you."

"It was kinda fun, actually. At first I thought I wouldn't like it, but it wasn't too bad." Jake answered.

"What was your favorite part?" 

"Mama let us order a movie at the hotel and we ate room service. That was really cool." Jacob answered. He enjoyed being the sole focus of Ashlyn for two entire days. 

"That sounds fun...and expensive." Ali could only imagine what her two biggest eaters ordered.

"Oops." Jacob said quietly. He turned his head away from his mother who was standing next to him cutting up vegetables.

"Oops, what?" Ali asked. She knew something was up.

"Don't tell Mama but...she told me not to tell you about the room service. She said you wouldn't approve." Jacob confessed.

"She's silly. It's no big deal, Sweetheart." Ali said sweetly.

"Oh good." Jake was relieved.

"Finish grating the cheese so we can put the lasagna in the oven." Ali instructed. While Jake did that she checked her and Ashlyn's bank account on her phone. She pulled up the app she needed and saw that Ashlyn spent a lot more on room service than she would ever have guessed. She was given an opportunity to work on controlling her anger. "What else did you enjoy about your trip?" Ali asked. She hoped his answer would help change her current mood.

"Um, it was fun flying with Mama." She let me sit by the window. I took some pictures of the sun shining through the clouds. They turned out pretty good." Jacob pulled out his cell phone and showed Ali the photos. As Jake became more and more comfortable with himself he showed that he had a lot of artistic talent. Ali loved seeing his work.

"These are amazing, honey. I'm really proud of you!"

Jacob blushed but loved his mother's praise. "Oh yeah, Mama said I could get a guitar. There were some musician guys there that showed me a few things. It was really cool." 

"Sounds interesting. I'll have to talk to your Mama about that, but I think we can arrange something." Ali was more inclined to have her son work for a guitar than for them to just buy him one. She didn't want him to think money grew on trees.

Once the lasagna was in the oven Jake and Ali joined the rest of the family in the back yard. Ashlyn was on her hands and knees giving Princess Lexi a ride through the haunted forest in search for Prince Samuel and his trusty companion Sir Monster-o.

Ali encouraged Jacob to take his Mama's place so she could have a parental discussion with her. Ash gladly turned over the job of crawling on the ground around the back yard.

"Hey, Babe." Ash said and gave Ali a kiss as greeting. "Jake said you needed me?" Ash was out of breath from playing with her two youngest children. She was more than happy to take a break. 

"You're all sweaty." Ali pulled from her wife's loose embrace and gave herself a little space from her sticky wife.

"Sorry." Ash said as she wiped her forehead with her hand and then wiped her hand on her pants.This caused her wife to roll her eyes and give her a look of disapproval.

"I'm mad at you right now." Ali bursted out her confession. It was so random that it caused Ashlyn to laugh.

"You are? You look furious." Ashlyn said sarcastically. Ali actually looked quite calm.

"I really am mad. I'm trying to control my anger with you at the moment. I'm imagining that I am on a beach right now." Ali said.

Ashlyn laughed again. She had never seen her wife like this before.

"Stop laughing! I'm being serious. You're making it hard for me to pretend I'm relaxing in Hawaii, right now."

"Are you actually being serious?" Ashlyn asked. She was beginning to think Ali had switched personalities while her and Jake were away.

"Yes, I'm being serious! I googled ideas on how to control my temper. I'm trying one of the suggestions out. And right now you are making it very hard for me not to be mad at you even more." Ali explained.

"I'm sorry, Al. I didn't know you were being serious. Usually when you're upset with me it's obvious." 

"That's the whole point. I'm trying to not let my anger consume me. But you're driving me crazy."

"Sorry. Sorry. Ok, tell me why you're mad at me." Ashlyn asked. She forced herself to be serious and focused on her wife's words. She had to appreciate her wife's efforts.

"How much did you and Jacob spend on room service?" Ali asked.

Ashlyn's face went pale. She thought she would have more time. Ali didn't usually go through the bank statement until after the end of the month. Ashlyn's life flashed before her eyes. She finally found her voice. "$300."

"Three.....hundred......dollars, Ashlyn?" Ali said it loud enough to get the attention of her children. She saw her startled little angels and took a deep calming breath before continuing in a much quieter and kinder volume. "Sweetheart." Ali said slowly. "Don't you think $300 is a little excessive?"

"Not really. It was Jake's first time in a nice hotel room. I wanted him to get the full experience." Ashlyn answered.

Ali closed her eyes and took another deep breath. Her wife's care-free personality was making it difficult for her to keep her cool, at the moment. "Baby, I love that you want to create great memories for our children, " Ali opened her eyes and looked at her wife, the source of her frustration and said, "but you can create wonderful memories without spending a fortune."

"Yeah, but it's not that much in comparison to having those memories for ever." Ash said.

"That's very true, but we are only able to play soccer and make money doing it for as long as our bodies can hold up. We aren't guaranteed a paycheck after that."

"Are you threatening me? Are you gonna make it so that my body is no longer capable of playing?" Ashlyn said. She was only half joking.

"No, I'm not saying that." Ali finally lightened up and gave her wife a smile. "I'm saying that we need to be wise with our money now, because one day we won't have a steady income unless we invest it wisely. We don't need to create extravagant memories for our children. We need to be able to pay for their college and give them the best future possible." Ali said.

"Yeah, ok." Ash resigned to Ali's logic.

"Ash, it doesn't mean we can't spend money and make memories. It just means that we need to plan and be wise about how we do it." Ali said. She saw a flash of guilt on her wife's face. She was glad she chose to discuss this issue calmly instead of getting upset like usual. She didn't want to be the reason Ash felt bad. 

"Ok, you're right. I'm sorry. I just got excited when I saw the room service menu and I wanted to spoil Jake. He deserves it, ya know?" Ash said. She was picking at the hem of her shirt with her head down. 

Ali took a step forward and gave her sweaty wife a hug. "I love you for your spontaneous ideas. You balance out my careful planning. I promise to lighten up a little, ok?" 

"Ok." Ashlyn looked up and smiled. She really loved her wife.

"Ya know, our son is technically still on his suspension vacation. We can put him to work out here by watching the little ones so we can have a little private time upstairs." Ali suggested.

"Well, you did say that being a responsible parent means we have to put in extra effort to make sure that he serves his punishment while he's home." Ashlyn smiled.

She was about to make some really good memories with Ali. 

"Oh, shoot!" Ali suddenly remembered something. "We can't do that. I mean, we can do that as far as getting Jake to watch Lexi and Sammy, but we can't do that other thing."

"What? Why not?" Ashlyn whined. She looked like a sad puppy. 

"Because I'm cooking dinner and you need to shower. We just don't have time. But I promise we will make time later." Ali answered.

"What happened to loving my ability to be spontaneous? I'm trying to be spontaneous and spend some quality time with my wife. It's a memory we can create without costing us anything."

"Actually, it will cost us a burnt lasagna and three hungry children. Sorry, Sweetheart. My careful planning personality just won't allow it."

Ashlyn stomped all the way from the back yard to their bedroom bathroom just like a child throwing a tantrum. Even in the shower she continued to sulk until later that night, after the kids had gone to sleep, and her and Ali could finally make beautiful memories together.

Just as Ali had planned.


	113. Grace (Part One)

"I didn't want to just show up at your house. I know that you would prefer me not to be around your children. So, I found out where you and Ali work out. I hope you don't think I'm a stalker or anything." 

Ashlyn was stunned to see her mother standing in front of her. She scanned the surrounding area and searched for her wife. Ali would know what to do at a time like this.

"Aren't you gonna say anything?" Ashlyn's mom asked.

Ashlyn ended her desperate search for her wife and focused on her mother.

"Why are you here?" Ash asked. Her voice was quiet but steady. 

"My mother died. Um, your grandmother. You never knew her and honestly, I never really knew her either." 

"What does that have to do with me?" Ashlyn was guarded. She would rather be anywhere else in the world than standing in front of the woman who treated her like an inconvenience at best.

"I understand why you hate me." Ashlyn's mom said. 

Ash could tell she wanted to say more but that was the moment Ali appeared like an angel from Heaven sent to rescue her.

"Mrs. Harris...what brings you here?" Ali's words were directed towards her mother-in-law but everything else was in protection mode for her wife. She put an arm around Ashlyn's waist and held her tight.

"I was just about to tell my daughter that I know she hates me. And she has every right to, but I wanted her to know that I'm trying to change..." 

This time is was Ashlyn that interrupted her mother. "Alex, it's time to go."

Ashlyn took her wife's hand and led her out of the building. They calmly walked through the parking lot. She opened Ali's car door and took her place in the driver's seat. She drove home without saying a word.

The entire drive Ali watched Ashlyn carefully. She was waiting for her to show some kind of sign of how things were going to be handled. If Ashlyn was angry, Ali would calm her down. If she was hurt, then Ali would comfort her wife. 

But at the moment Ashlyn seemed to be somewhere else. She was showing no signs of anger or hurt. She was showing no signs of anything.

Sitting in the garage in Ashlyn's Jeep, Ali reached for her wife's hand. She held it and waited. She waited for Ashlyn to remember that she was safe. She was happy. Her life wasn't some sad statistic of a child from a broken home. She had it together. She had everything she had ever wanted and more. 

Ali watched Ashlyn relax. Ashlyn began to slightly nod as if she was reading Ali's mind. Finally she spoke up. "Alex, I'm ok. You don't need to worry about whether I'm going to go off the deep end or not." 

"That's good to know." Ali said with a fake laugh thrown in to try and lighten the mood.

"She said her mom died." Ashlyn said. This was new information to Ali and it seemed a little random, but she wasn't going to question it. Sometimes it was better for Ashlyn to talk freely than to make sense.

"Ok." Ali said.

"She'll probably show up unexpected again. How should we deal with that?" Ash asked.

"Baby, however you want to handle it is fine with me. I'm behind you no matter what." 

Ashlyn raised Ali's hand to her lips and kissed the back of it. "Thank you." Ashlyn let go and removed the keys from the ignition, signaling that it was time to go inside.

As Ali was getting out of the car she heard her wife say, "Why is it so hard for me to forgive her, Alex?"

"She hurt you and your brother very deeply. It's not an easy thing to forgive." Ali said. She put her hand on Ashlyn's lower back and led her inside.

"But I'm grown now. Shouldn't I be over it?" 

"Sweetheart, just because you're older doesn't mean the wound is gone. It's ok not to be ok." Ali hugged her wife from behind and stood there with her while she tried to sort through the many thoughts and emotions swirling around in her head.

"I don't know what I'm going to do." Ash finally confessed. She felt lost.

Ali checked the time and saw that Sam would need to be picked up soon. She gave Ashlyn one final squeeze and released her.

"Baby, I need to pick up Sam. You're welcome to come along, of course. But if you need a little time alone, that's ok too." Ali said. She knew her wife well. She knew she needed space.

"I think I'll hang out here, if that's alright with you." Ash answered.

"That's fine. I love you SO much." Ali kissed her wife's cheek and added, "Please text or leave a note if you leave." 

Ali hurried out the door to pick up Samuel. She was already running a few minutes late and hated the thought of him waiting on her.

After Ali left Ashlyn didn't really know what to do. She made a pot of coffee and leaned against the counter and stared at it as it brewed. She took her favorite mug filled with coffee and sat on the front porch to think. 

She struggled to even do that. She felt like there were too many thoughts springing back into her memory creating a cluster of confusion and emotions. She shook her head lightly and took a sip from her cup.

She took a longer sip and noticed an unfamiliar car. She knew instantly who it was. Her mother was watching her.

"How are you going to handle this, Ashlyn?" She heard her wife's voice in her head. Ali's stability and faithful support cut through the chaos.

Ashlyn stood up from the porch swing and went back inside her house.

...

It took Ashlyn 10 minutes to work up the courage, but once she did she was determined to follow through. 

Ashlyn's Mom was startled by a knock on the glass of her car door window. She quickly rolled down the window.

"Ashlyn, you scared me!"

"Here." Ashlyn handed her a cup of coffee.

"Thank you." Her mom said. She held it in both hands and let the heat of the coffee warm her.

"That's my wife's favorite mug, so don't take it." Ash said. She didn't know why she said that. Her nerves where getting in the way of her words.

"Ok."

"Why are you here, Mom?" Ash asked. She couldn't dance around the obvious awkwardness any longer.

"Because when I sat next to my mother's death bed, I realized that she was completely alone. Even though I was there, she had pushed me away and hurt me..." Ashlyn's mother began to cry.

"Ashlyn, I have hurt you. I have been the worst type of person in the world. You and your brother are the greatest things that I've ever done with my life. And that's only because someone else raised you and you both chose not to be like me. I will always regret loving an addiction more than I loved you."

Ashlyn didn't say a word. There was too much to digest. What all was her mother saying? Was this just another scheme to get drug money? It wouldn't be the first time one of her parents tried to manipulate her for their gain.

"I don't expect you to forgive me, but I need you to know that I'm sorry. You deserved better. I'm so sorry." Ashlyn's mother gave her the coffee back and started her car and drove away, leaving Ashlyn standing in the street alone.


	114. Grace (Part Two)

"So, she just drove away?" Ali asked. She had returned home with Sam and had found her wife standing in the street with two cups of coffee in her hand.

"She apologized and drove off. You just missed her." Ashlyn said. She was showing signs of shock.

"Are you ok that she just left after dropping that on you?" 

"I honestly don't know." Ashlyn said. She was confused. She had learned a long time ago that she can't trust her mother. Her past had proved that giving her mom a chance always led to her getting hurt.

"Sweetheart, what can I do to help?" Ali asked. She felt helpless at the moment.

Ash shook her head and answered. "I don't know." 

Ash wandered into the back yard and watched Sam run around with Monster. Ali could tell that she was working through a flood of thoughts and emotions brought on by her mother's surprise visit.

Ali didn't know what to do. She didn't want to be too pushy about Ashlyn sharing her feelings, but she knew ignoring it would only make things worse.

...

Later that night after Ali had put the kids to bed, she found her wife laying on the ground underneath their big oak tree. She laid down next to her and let Ashlyn start the conversation if she wanted too. If not, she would be happy to be a quiet presence of support.

Ashlyn stared straight up. She could see stars shining through the jagged spaces between the leaves on the branches of the tree. 

Ali stared at Ashlyn. She saw the strained creased on her wife's forehead and watched her chew her bottom lip. She knew Ash was going to spill at any moment.

Ash sighed loudly and turned onto her side so that she was facing Ali. 

"How am I supposed to forgive her, Alex?" Ashlyn asked. She was burdened to give her mother another chance.

"I don't know, Baby." Ali said. She placed a hand on Ashlyn's hip and adjusted her position so that she was close enough to kiss her. 

"I feel like the right thing to do is to forgive her...but the smart thing to do is not to believe her. I'm torn. I really don't know." Ashlyn said. She let herself fall into her wife. 

Ali held her until they were both ready to fall asleep. She encouraged her wife to wake up enough to walk upstairs. Ashlyn went straight to bed with her shoes on, and all.

Facing one's past can be exhausting. Ashlyn was knocked out. Ali removed her wife's shoes and jeans. She left everything else on. Her main concern was to let Ash sleep as comfortably as possible. She had a feeling she wouldn't be getting much sleep until this situation was somehow resolved.

...

Ali was right. Ashlyn woke up a couple hours later and paced through the house thinking about what had happened and what her response should be. 

She didn't know if she would even see her mother again. She also didn't know if she would ever be able to get rid of her. She felt like she was being controlled. Like everything was on her mother's terms. Her mom showed up when and where she wanted, and then she left without giving Ashlyn a chance to speak.

Ali caught her wife sitting in the kitchen with Monster. She had scooped him up from her son's room and snuck him downstairs to give her some friendly company.

"Ash..." Ali yawned. "What are you doing, Love?" Ali moved Monster from Ashlyn's arms and put him on the floor. She took his spot in her wife's lap. She sat sideways so that she could put an arm around Ashlyn's shoulders and hold her.

"I'm sorry I left you. I couldn't sleep." Ashlyn said. She rested her head on Ali's shoulder.

"It's ok. You should've woken me, though. I don't like you being all alone." 

"I wasn't alone. I had Monster." Ash gestured towards the dog.

Ali kissed the top of her wife's head. "What are you thinking about?" She asked.

Ashlyn cleared her throat. "I think if it's possible, I should try to forgive her." Ashlyn turned her head so that her face was in the crook of Ali's neck. She mumbled, "I want to forgive her, but I don't think I can. She will never deserve it."

Ashlyn finally broke down. Ali was thankful that it happened when she was not only nearby but literally holding her in complete love and safety.

Once Ashlyn stopped crying she suggested that they go back to bed. Ashlyn didn't want Ali to suffer from a lack of sleep because of her. 

...

The next day Ashlyn was overly emotional about everything. She was snapping at Ali and impatient with the kids. She was physically and emotionally exhausted. 

Ali was worried.

"Sweetheart, have you taken your medicine today?" Ali asked. She had to ask. She knew Ashlyn could be on the verge of a breakdown.

"No. I don't need it. Don't treat me like a child!" Ashlyn replied.

Ali took a slow calming breath. She had to remember that it was not her normal Ashlyn that she was talking too. Her wife was overwhelmed. She was hurting from old wounds being brought back up. She needed Ali's support.

"I'm not trying to treat you like a child. I'm trying to help you." Ali said very calmly.

"You can't help me!" Ashlyn yelled and threw her phone at the wall. After Ali jumped in surprise she put her arms around Ashlyn in a tight embrace. It was tight enough to keep her from being able to throw anything else. 

"Ash, you're ok. You're ok." Ali assured her. She honestly didn't know what else to say.

"I keep watching the screen. Waiting to see if she'll call." Ashlyn started to fall apart. She was referring to the screen of her phone that was now shattered from the impact. "How pathetic am I?" 

Ashlyn loathed the fact that she was hurting because her mother wasn't calling. She felt like she was ignoring and abandoning her just like when she was a kid.

"Alex, I was fine two days ago. And now I'm wondering all over again why she won't call. Why doesn't she love me?"

Ali knew the situation was complicated. The reason Ashlyn had been able to move on before was because a relationship with her mother wasn't an option. Even if it was, she was horrible. It was an obvious choice to carry on as if she wasn't a part of her life.

But now her mother had shown signs of change. She seemed to care. Even if it was for selfish reasons, she made a move toward her daughter. But for some reason that small effort had turned into a greater feeling of rejection than she had felt before. 

Ashlyn was hurting. 

"Ashlyn, I don't know what your mother is thinking. No matter what, I can tell you that you're not pathetic. You're kind and wonderful. The reason this is so hard for you is because your heart is filled with compassion. You want to forgive her, even if you can't." 

"Alex, I feel so weak. I shouldn't care about her. I should hate her. But I'm not strong enough to hate her anymore. And I'm not strong enough to forgive her either." 

Ashlyn's heart was breaking into a million pieces. Part of the brokenness she was experiencing came from a calloused layer she had built to protect her from her mother's poison. She had buried memories and wounds so deep to stop the bleeding, but they were now becoming uncovered like the picking of a scab.

She had to choose a path to take. But she didn't know which way was healthiest for her and her family. 

She didn't know if her heart could take any more suffering at her mother's hand. 

She had to find a way to move on.


	115. Grace (Part Three)

Ashlyn woke up with the weight of the world and a four year old boy on her chest. Ali encouraged her to join Sam for his after school nap. 

Ashlyn woke up before Samuel did. She spent the extra time to soak in his innocent love. Her cuddly boy was such a gift to her. She really needed that precious time of peace with him.

When Sam was starting to stir a little, Ashlyn used that as her cue to get up. She carried her sleepy boy to the front porch swing where Ali was sitting.

"Hey you." Ali said with a welcoming smile.

"Hi." Ashlyn said. She sat next to her wife and let Ali snuggle close to her and a mostly sleeping Sam.

"You look like you're feeling a little better." Ali said.

"I am." Ash said. Ali could tell that she was still working through things, but her countenance seemed to have improved.

"Remember when we first got this guy." Ali nodded towards Samuel and took hold of one of his hands. 

"One of the best days of my life." Ashlyn said with a sincere smile.

"Me, too." Ali turned her head slightly to kiss Ashlyn's arm. "He never seemed to be able to get enough of you." Ali laughed quietly. "I think he still can't, to be honest."

"Yeah, he's my little buddy." 

"We've got a pretty great life." Ali said. "I have you to thank for that." Ali looked up at her wife with moist eyes.

"It's all you, Babe."

"Ash, you're the one that has the most perfect, loving, and accepting heart. This guy right here..." Ali ran her fingers through Samuel's hair. "He's ours because your heart wanted to help children." Ali shifted her eyes from her son back to her wife. "All of this.." She waved her hand towards their house. "...all of it is because of you. I've just been following your lead."

"Tobin told me once about the idea of redemption. It's the thought that something truly horrible and completely destroyed can be redeemed and become something new and beautiful. That's my life. That's you and me. Ya know?" Ash said.

Ashlyn had been thinking. Her journey was not always easy. But every bruise and bump brought her to where she finally found happiness. 

Her desire to go to college and play soccer in order to leave the oppressive life she was born into is what led to her meeting Ali. Her family started because she longed to give the kind of love she had always longed for. 

She couldn't separate her past from her present and future. Her past was what made her who she was. And who she was was a wife to the most beautiful woman in the world, a mother to the greatest children ever, a friend to anyone who needs one, and a soccer player living out her dream.

She wondered if she could be a daughter to a woman who was given another chance.

Ali replied to her wife's deep thought. "Baby, we are so lucky. I feel like I was born lucky in a lot of ways. You, on the other hand, fought for it. I'm so glad that you did." Ali leaned her head down on Ashlyn's shoulder and closed her eyes as she thought about the redemption Ashlyn had spoken of. 

She was happy to be a part of Her wife's redemption story.

...

"Als, I'm gonna go for a run." Ashlyn said while lacing up her tennis shoes.

"Wait until my Dad gets here so I can go with you." Ali said. She was concerned that her wife shouldn't be alone.

"Babe, I'm ok. I promise. You don't need to worry about me."

"Ok." Ali said. She wasn't going to argue. She didn't want to make things worse.

Ashlyn could read her wife like a book. "Alex, I promise you. I'm fine. I fell apart earlier but I'm feeling much better now. Honest. I just need to clear my head."

"Are you sure?" 

"I'm sure. I still haven't figured out where to go from her with my Mom, but I can't let her control me anymore." Ashlyn gave her wife a kiss on the cheek and whispered in her ear. "I love you. Don't worry so much." Ash gave her wife a high five and left for her run.

...

Ashlyn stopped at a nearby bakery and wanted to give her wife and children a surprise for dinner. She purchased a box full of their favorite pastries and headed home. 

On her way she received a phone call from her Grandma.

"Hi, Grandma." Ashlyn had a feeling she knew what this call was regarding.

"Hello, my sweet girl. How are you?" 

"I'm ok, Grandma. Did Ali call you?"

"No. Your mother did." Ashlyn's Grandma confessed.

"She did?" Ash was surprised. She didn't think her mom would try to get her Grandma to take her side. She knew she didn't need to worry about her Grandmother's allegiance. That woman would walk with her through fire.

"She told me she visited you. I wanted to make sure you were ok." 

"I'm ok, Grandma. I wasn't at first, but I'm getting better. You probably think I should forgive her, right?" Ashlyn's Grandmother was practically a saint. She somehow was able to love even the most unlovely of people.

"Yes, I think you should forgive her. It's not fair to you and your family to keep holding on to the hurt that she's caused." Grandma answered.

"Grandma, you know how she is. The only thing we can depend on when it comes to her is that she'll let us down." 

"I know, sweet girl. I know." 

"So how can you expect me to forgive her?" 

"Your Mother approached me a couple of months ago. She apologized and asked for help to rebuild her life. I let her stay at my house for a week before I had to ask her to leave. She was trying, but she was disrupting the peace of my home. It was affecting me physically and emotionally. She couldn't stay without it having a negative effect on me."

"I didn't know she was staying with you?" Ash was surprised. Her Mother had burned a lot of bridges over the years. She never thought her Grandma would give her chance to burn more.

"I forgave her. I really did. I thought it was worth a try to help her. But I soon realized that it wasn't my responsibility to fix her life. My responsibility was to forgive her. That's it." 

Ashlyn Grandmother continued. "Forgiveness doesn't mean you put yourself back into a position to be hurt. I forgave her because I wanted to do the kind and right thing, but really it was what was necessary for me move on. The way she had treated you and your brother had caused me a great deal of anger. Anger doesn't sit well with me. I can't stand it. Why should I let her have any influence in how I feel? I was done feeling anything less than joy and love."

"Hmm..." Ashlyn didn't have actual words to respond to her Grandmother with. She had a lot to think about. 

"My sweet Ashlyn, whatever you do, don't let her hurt you any more. You and your family are beautiful. Don't let anyone steal that from you." 

"Grandma, I think the world would be a better place if every one was more like you. I love you. Thanks for everything." Ashlyn said.

"Love you, too. Give Ali and the kids a kiss for me." 

Ashlyn and her Grandma hung up. Ash was grateful for her Grandmother's wisdom. She still didn't know what she was going to do, but she felt better knowing that her Grandma would be ok with whatever she chose.

...

Ali's Dad pulled into the driveway when Ash was finishing up her run.

"Hey, Pop." Ashlyn helped her farther-in-law carry in some practice gear for Jake.

"Thanks for the help." He said. "It feels like I haven't seen you guys in a week. How have things been?"

"That's a loaded question..." Ashlyn laughed.

Ash's response got her father-in-law's attention. "Is everything ok?" 

"Oh...yeah it's fine. Everyone's ok. It's just my Mom showed up out of nowhere. It kinda messed with my head a little bit."

"Well, as long as your family is ok. That's what's important." 

At the sound of Ali's father' swords it was as if a bell started ringing in Ashlyn's head. Suddenly things made sense.

She knew what she needed to do.


	116. Grace (Part Four)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last part of Grace. I hope you enjoy.

Ashlyn paid for two cups of coffee and brought them back to the table she was sharing with her mother. 

"There's one hitch to accepting this cup, this time you have to stay long enough to finish it." Ashlyn said, referring to her mother's very short recent visit.

"Sorry about that. I won't go anywhere unless you want me too." Ashlyn's Mom answered.

"Ok. I can't promise the same, but I'm trying." Ashlyn said. She took a sip of her nonfat vanilla latte and asked, "So Mom, why are you here? I mean really. What do you want?"

"I wanted to right a wrong. I'm filled with guilt and regret for how I treated you. I don't expect you to forgive me. You don't owe me anything. I'm the one owes you." She covered her eyes with her hands, trying to hide the obvious emotion on her face.

"Ashlyn, I talked a lot with your Grandma. She reminded me of some things that I had forgotten. I was a mess when you were growing up. I don't remember half of it, to be honest. She told me about some of the things I had done to you and your brother and how that made you feel." 

At this point there was an awkward silence for almost a full five minutes. Ashlyn didn't know what to say. At the mention of her mother's past treatment of her and her brother a load of hurt emotions came up. She wanted to forget about all of that. But she couldn't. 

"Ash, I've been thinking about this for a while now. Your Grandma said that you and Chris used to blame yourselves. You used to think you were the problem. I'm here because I need you to never think that again. I was the problem. I had my own issues that I couldn't face. I tried to quiet down the hurting through anything that took me away from reality. I ended up hurting you in the process and making my own problems worse."

"Did your Mom hurt you like you hurt me and Chris?" Ashlyn asked. She felt bad for saying it, but she was trying to be honest and open. Even if it only lasted long enough to drink a cup of coffee.

"Yeah. She did it in different ways. But I'm no better than her." 

"What did she do?" Ash asked. She never really knew much about her mother. All she knew was that she had a drug addiction, got involved with the wrong kind of men, and didn't care to take care of her children. She was never violent towards her or Chris. She put them in a position to be hurt over and over again. But she was never the one to strike them.

"My Dad drank and he was around, but mentally he was absent most of the time. My mom had to work two jobs to support us. She blamed me and my siblings for that. She said her life was over because of us. She used every opportunity to show us that we were worthless and the reason for her suffering. I don't really like talking about it. I'm trying to forgive her. So I know how hard it must be for you."

"Your Dad was an alcoholic?" Ash asked. "That makes sense. I've found that I have to drink sparingly. It affects me. Maybe it runs in the family." 

"He was a bad alcoholic. I started drinking when I was in junior high. I needed an escape. Looking back, that escape stole my life. It kept me a prisoner for almost half a century."

Ashlyn's brain was in overdrive. She was beginning to understand her mother's failures. She was beginning to feel compassion towards her.

"I feel like I want to forgive you. I'm just unsure of how to do that. I'm not comfortable trusting you, right now. But I don't want to hate you anymore." Ashlyn said. 

"I understand." Ashlyn's mother took the last sip of her coffee and said, "Do me a favor...in the future if there is ever a thought that comes up that says anything negative about yourself, put that blame on me. I'm the one that's fallen short, not you." Ashlyn's mother made it clear that she was there for her daughter's benefit. "Ashlyn, I am truly sorry for the hurt that my actions have caused you."

"I forgive you."

...

Ashlyn arrived alone at the Krieger-Harris home after meeting with her mother. 

Ali had been worried sick the entire time her wife was gone. She begged her to let her go with her, but Ashlyn didn't know what to expect. She didn't want to expose her over-protective wife to a situation that could cause her temper to flare.

"Ashlyn, I've been waiting forever to hear from you!" Ali attacked her wife with a concerned hug.

"Sorry, I broke my phone. I would've called you on the way home." Ashlyn said. She reminded her wife of her temporary meltdown when she threw her phone against the wall.

"I'm well-aware of your lack of a phone. That's why I called and there's one ready for pick up." Ali answered.

"Really? You are a good wife. Thank you." Ashlyn said. Ali noticed that she seemed lighter now than when she left.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what happened?" Ali couldn't wait any longer.

"I forgave her. She gave me her cell number. She wants to meet Jacob. I told her I needed to talk to you first." Ash explained.

"Hmm..." Ali did not understand. As far as she was concerned Ashlyn should have told the woman off and left.

"Hmm...what?" 

"I just don't think she deserves it." Ali explained.

"Isn't the point of forgiveness to give someone something they don't deserve? That's what forgiveness is. Someone wrongs you and you respond differently than what they're actions deserve. Right?" Ashlyn explained her actions to her wife. 

Ali shook her head in amazement. "Yeah, you're right." Ali gave her wife a hug. "I think you're amazing." 

Ashlyn returned her wife's hug with a kiss on the cheek and further explained what helped her make the decision to forgive her mother.

"I looked at what we have, and after talking to your Dad and my Grandma, I realized that I've got no room left for anything but contentment. I've gotten far more than I could ever deserve. So why not give my Mom the kindness that she doesn't deserve?"

...

That evening Ashlyn and Ali had a family BBQ in their backyard. Ashlyn invited her Mother as a sign of hope for their future.

Jacob wasn't happy about his mother's move to welcome her into their house. He didn't trust her.

Ali pulled him aside and told him to shape up. "Jacob, it's important to your Mama that things go well. You need to change your attitude." 

"She shouldn't be here after what she's done." Jake was very protective of his family. He had no pity for his estranged Grandmother.

"Jacob, believe me I understand how you feel. Believe me..." Ali wanted to go on about how she hated the fact that her mother-in-law was around her family, but she knew she couldn't share that with her son.

"Sweetheart, be nice for your Mama's sake. She deserves it. Do it for her." Ali added.

"Fine." Jacob rolled his eyes and joined the rest of his family at the table. 

Ali and Jacob sandwiched Ashlyn in between them. They both took the seats next to her. Ashlyn had Samuel in her lap and Lexi sat in her Grandpa's lap next to Ali. 

Ashlyn's Mom didn't talk much. Samuel and Ashlyn were the two most cordial to her. Sam was kind to every one he's ever met. He had no problems showing his long lost Grandma some love.

At the end of the night Ali's mother-in-law asked to speak to Ali in private. Ashlyn saw the exchange but didn't know what it was about. She watched the two women carefully.

"Ali, I wanted to apologize to you, too." 

Ali didn't know what to say. So she didn't say anything.

"I know that you've had to deal with a lot of things because of Ashlyn's problems." Her mother-in-law wasn't trying to put down her daughter. 

Unfortunately that's how Ali interpreted what she had said. "Ashlyn's problems," Ali finger quoted the word problems, "is you and the man that you married. I can't believe that she's letting you in our house. If you hurt her..."

Ashlyn's Mom stopped her before she could finish. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it the way it sounded. I caused her to struggle with certain things. I wanted to thank you for helping her. She's wonderful. And you've had a lot to do with that." She forced a smile and then said good-bye to the rest of the family.

Ashlyn walked her to her car. 

"Thanks for coming." She opened her Mother's door for her.

Ali watched from the front porch. She didn't even try to hide the fact that she was watching. She wanted her mother-in-law to know that she was there. 

"Thanks for inviting me. I don't think your wife was too happy about it." She nodded slightly towards where Ali was standing. Ash turned around and saw her wife.

Ali had no shame. She waved and smiled to her wife. She wasn't going anywhere.

Ashlyn laughed. "She's pretty protective."

"She's good for you. I'm glad you have her." 

"Thanks."

"I better get going." 

Ali watched Ashlyn shut her Mom's door and back up a few steps to give her room to pull out. Ash offered a careful wave and turned back towards her wife.

"You ok over there?" Ash asked.

"I'm not sure yet." Ali admitted. 

Ashlyn approached her with a big smile on her face. 

"Why are you smiling? You look like a little kid. I swear Ashlyn, you have to be careful. I don't want you to get hurt." Ali warned.

"Babe, I'm not smiling because of my Mom. I'm smiling because of my wife." 

"What?" Ali asked. She was thoroughly confused.

Ash hugged Ali low around her butt and lifted her up. Ali wrapped her legs around her. "I'm smiling because of you. I was able to move on today because of you. There's no more room in my life for negativity. You've filled it up to the brim with good things."

Ali tightened her legs around her wife's body. "I can't get over how amazing you are. I mean it. You blow me away."

Ashlyn gave her wife a kiss and set her down. "You're killing me right now."

"What am I doing? You just got done bragging about me being an awesome wife. Why the change?" Ali asked.

"Because I'm ready to take you upstairs and I can't. Our babies are awake and your Dad is here."

"Oh." Ali laughed. "Sorry, baby."

"This is gonna be a long night." Ashlyn said as she entered the house. Ali followed behind her laughing at her wife's frustration.

...

GRACE - generosity of spirit, a capacity to tolerate, accommodate, or to forgive


	117. Soccer and Karate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has the beginning of a prompt request included.

"Did I tell you what my Dad said to your Mom?" Ali asked. She was lying sideways across the bed with her head on Ashlyn's bare stomach.

"You mean tonight?" Ash asked. 

The family had invited Ashlyn's Mom to a backyard BBQ. It was the first time she had ever been welcome in their house.

"Of course tonight. When else would my Dad have spoken to her?" Ali asked sarcastically. 

Ali had one of Ashlyn's hands in both of her's and was drawing patterns on it with her finger. Ashlyn's other hand was playing with Ali's messy hair.

"Listen, woman! You ain't gotta be mean." Ash pulled gently on a strand of Ali's hair to make a point. 

Ali laughed her way through an apology and got serious again. "I overheard my Dad tell your Mom that he considers you his daughter and that he's looking out for you. He told her to be careful about how she treats you, because she's gonna have to answer to him."

"He really said that?" Ash asked.

"Yeah." Ali turned her head to face her wife and squeezed her hand. "I think he loves you more than me." She kissed Ashlyn's hand and then sat up.

"Hey, where are you going?" Ash asked as her wife put a tank top on.

"I gotta pee."

"Why do you have to get dressed for that?" 

Ali pulled on a pair of Ashlyn's shorts and answered. "Because there's also some chocolate cake in the fridge calling out to me. I need to rescue it. The poor thing is scared."

Ash laughed at her crazy wife. "Are you drunk right now?"

"No...unfortunately."

"You're in a weird mood tonight." Ash observed.

"Baby, it's been a tough few days. You think forgiving someone is hard? How about having to worry about your wife getting her heart broken? It's over now. And I feel like I can breathe again." Ali was on her way out the door when a naked Ashlyn pulled her back in.

"You can't just say something all sweet like that and leave me alone naked in our bed." 

"Excuse you, we've already been naked together in our bed tonight. I think it's ok for me to get a snack to celebrate my new worry-free life." Ali pushed Ash down on the bed and walked toward the door. "And also I've worked up an appetite. You are completely to blame for that."

Ali knew it wouldn't be long before Ashlyn joined her in the kitchen. She pulled out two forks and poured two glasses of milk.

"This isn't on our diet." Ash brushed by her and picked up her designated fork.

"It is today!" Ali said and took a huge bite of cake.

"You're cute when your teeth are covered in chocolate." Ash took a much smaller, more manageable bite.

"Shut up." Ali said, using her hand to cover the chocolate mess that she was trying to chew.

"Shut don't go up. Taxes do. Ask your Mama. She'll tell you." Ash recited the immature rhyme she often said to her children when they slipped up and said the banned phrase.

"Shut up times two." Ali answered. If Ash was going to be immature then so was she.

"Great comeback. But I'm rubber. You're glue. Whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you." Ash stuck out her chocolate covered tongue.

"You're such a dork." Ali said. She removed a chunk of icing-covered cake from her fork and smashed it in her wife's face. 

Ali didn't try to run. She stood her ground, daring Ashlyn to make a move. Ashlyn wiped her face off with her fingertips and licked them clean. She gave her wife a look of understanding. It was as if she had said, "Challenge accepted."

Ash grabbed a handful of cake and smashed it, not only on Ali's face, but she also wiped it down her neck and exposed chest. 

Ali was about to grab a handful of the dessert herself when Ashlyn lunged toward her and picked her up. She threw her over her shoulder and carried her to their bathroom. Ash began to 'clean' Ali's chocolatey mess with her tongue. Ali was done with wanting revenge. She stripped off her clothes and invited Ashlyn to join her in the shower. She wanted to make sure she didn't miss a spot.

...

The next day was a Saturday. All three children had soccer games and karate class, which required a lot of teamwork and planning on Ali and Ashlyn's part.

"Baby, I need you to pay attention." Ali was trying to coordinate their children's schedules with her wife. Ashlyn was lying in Samuel's bed tickling him. 

"Mama, stop." Sam was giggling. "I tickle you now." Ashlyn loosened her grip on him and let him tickle her. She wasn't half as ticklish as the little boy, but she humored him. He felt like he was really getting her good.

"Ashlyn!" Ali scolded. Ash and Sam both stopped their tickling match and gave their attention to the scary woman standing over the bed with her hands on her hips.

"What's up?" Ash carefully asked.

"You haven't been listening to me at all." 

"Sorry." Ash apologized. She held a very wiggly four year old. She whispered something in his ear and he was quick to repeat.

"Sorry, Mommy. You look pretty." Sam said sweetly.

Ali's stern look melted. She couldn't be mad at her two biggest love bugs.

"I was saying..." Ali bent down and kissed her sweet son's forehead. "Your Mama needs to get you dressed for your game and pack your karate stuff for later. Then we'll go over everyone's schedule at breakfast." Ali turned to look directly at Ashlyn. "Can you tell your Mama that?"

Samuel saluted Ali and turned towards Ashlyn. "Mama!" He turned back to Ali. "What was I s'posed to say, Mommy?" 

"Tell her I love her." Ali whispered in his ear.

Sam got excited, he felt important telling his Mommy's secrets. "Mommy loves you, Mama!" Sam gave Ash a kiss on the cheek. "Mommy told me to kiss you, too."

"Thank you. Tell Mommy she worries too much." Ashlyn said loud enough for her wife to hear.

"I can't believe you." Ali said. "Sam and I are being sweet and loving and you say not to worry? I swear!" 

"Sam-Bam, tell Mommy she shouldn't swear." Ashlyn was really pushing it. She loved giving her wife a hard time.

"For your information I didn't swear. I said the word 'swear.' Big difference. Now tell Sam to tell me that you love me, or else!" 

Samuel thought his mothers were crazy. He stood up on his bed and started to jump. Apparently he was no longer getting enough attention. 

Ashlyn and Ali were both very familiar with Sam's antics. They gave each other a knowing look before smothering him with kisses all over his face.

...

Sam's game was a little stressful. Soccer played with a group of four and five year olds is usual nothing but cute. Unfortunately, his playing time ended with him running off the field crying. 

Samuel is his team's goalkeeper, and for the first time all season someone scored a goal. He started to cry as he fished the ball out of the net and threw it to the referee. He made a bee-line for Ali who was standing on the sideline.

Ali knelt down with her arms wide open. She scooped the boy up and held him tight. Four year old soccer can be heartbreaking at times. 

She let the coach know that her very sensitive son needed to be subbed out. She carried him to his sister's game that was being played on the field across the parking lot. Ashlyn was cheering Lexi on when she spotted her wife and favorite four year old.

"What happened?" Ashlyn asked. 

She tried to get her boy to look at her but he refused. Both her and Ali were confused by his reaction.

"Sweetheart, Mama wants to talk to you." Ali tried to coax him out of his death grip on her neck. His face was pressed against her neck. 

They heard a muffled 'no' from the little boy's mouth. 

"Baby, you're hurting Mama's feelings. You don't want to hurt Mama, do you?" Ali asked. She knew he would respond differently once he thought of Ashlyn's feelings.

He turned his head towards Ashlyn and cried. "Mama, I sorry!" He held out his arms toward her. Ash gladly took the boy into her arms for a hug.

"What's wrong, Bam?" Ash gently bounced him in her arms to try and sooth her son.

"I missed a save." He said through sniffles.

"Someone scored a goal on you, Bammers?" 

Sam nodded.

"Uhh!" Ash groaned loudly. "I hate that." Ashlyn gave her son a kiss on the cheek and made sure he could see her eyes before she continued. "All the best keepers get scored on sometimes. I'm gonna be proud of you no matter what."

Samuel felt bad for letting a super star five year old score on him. But he felt worse about letting Ashlyn down.

"Mama, I sorry I missed." Sam finally said what Ashlyn already knew he was thinking.

"Buddy, I've missed lots of saves. And I hate it every time. But every keeper in the history of the world has missed a lot of saves. To be good you have to accept that you're not perfect and keep working to get better." Ashlyn knew all about working past failures and disappointments. She didn't think she would have to have this discussion with a four year old, though.

Ali chimed in. She knew Sam would be fine after a few minutes of cuddle time. "How about if we cheer on Lexi extra loud?" 

Ali led her wife and son to the bleachers to watch. Ash usually cheered from the sideline. She liked to be as close to the action as possible but Sam wasn't up to it. 

Fortunately for Ash and Ali, Sam was quick to recover. The three of them spent the second half cheering loudly for Lex and her team.

...

Ali's Dad was at Jake's soccer game and he watched his grandson score three goals. The family met up at a pizza arcade place for lunch.

"Hey, Mama!" Jake said with a mouthful of pizza. "This is where we first met. Remember?" 

"Why do you think I love this place so much?" Ash said. "This is now one of my favorite places ever."

Jake smiled big and replied. "Hey, we can hang out by the bathrooms if you want to get sentimental." The adults at the table exploded in laughter. The two younger children were thoroughly confused.

"What's so funny?" Sam asked.

"Old people laugh at weird stuff." Lexi answered.

Samuel seemed satisfied with her answer and took another bite of pepperoni pizza.

...

"It's hard keeping up with three kids on the weekend. I'm exhausted." Ashlyn said to her wife. She held a sleepy Samuel in her arms. 

Lexi was finishing her karate class when Ash and Sam joined Ali. Jake was with his own instructor finishing up, as well.

"I'm exhausted too. But soon we'll be home and be able to relax." Ali nudged Ashlyn with her shoulder.

Ash didn't hear what her wife said because she was watching her oldest son chatting with a pretty girl across the room. He seemed nervous and sweet. 

The girl had dark hair and a million dollar smile. She reminded Ashlyn of Ali. 

"Son of a gun." Ash mumbled.

"Son of a what?" Ali barely heard her wife. But she heard enough to make her wonder if she just swore in front of their impressionable son.

"What? Oh sorry. I...um...I'm watching our son talk to a girl." Ash pointed to the exchange between the two teens.

"Aw, how cute!" Ali gushed.

"And predictable." Ash added.

"What's that supposed to mean?" All asked.

"She looks just like you!" Ashlyn pointed out what was obvious to her.

"No, she doesn't." Ali didn't see it. 

"Whatever. I always knew you were his favorite." Ashlyn sulked. She squeezed Sam a little tighter and said, "I'm gonna take my boy and go home." 

"Oh, stop!" Ali played along with her wife's dramatics and pulled her in for a hug.

Jake didn't know it but he was in for an interrogation on the ride home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You awesome readers have left me a lot of prompts over the 100 million chapters of this story. I try to sort through them, but probably miss some. If you have a prompt (old or new) please feel free to ask at the end of this chapter.


	118. Fixed (Part One)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one made me a little emotional.

"Ashlyn, you need to calm down." Ali put a hand on her wife's arm. Ashlyn was clenching the steering wheel tightly with both hands.

"I thought we could trust him. After everything we've been through together. And by the way, we pay for him to go to that school and he's throwing away our money." Ashlyn said.

The rain was coming down hard against the windshield and Ali was worried that her wife was distracted by their teenage son's misbehavior. She felt Ashlyn was driving too fast.

"Sweetheart, please slow down. The roads are slippery. And try to calm down, you don't want to scare Samuel."

Ashlyn did slow down. She glanced into the rear view mirror and could see that Sam looked terrified. He was confused about what was going on. His mothers had received a call from Jacob's school and Ashlyn's temperament had completely changed.

Jake was in trouble again.

...

"You stay here with Sam. I'll get him." Ashlyn left the car running and jogged into the school. Unfortunately she was all to familiar with where the principal's office was.

When she arrived at the school office she saw Jake sitting in the same chair he occupied two weeks ago. Ashlyn spoke with the secretary. The woman gave her a slip from the principal and told her all she had to do was sign him out. 

She signed him out, turned around, and stared him down. 

At first when Jake saw it was Ashlyn who had come to pick him up he was relieved. But once he got a good look at her, he decided it would've been better if Ali came.

Jacob's cool and free-spirited mother was pissed.

...

Ashlyn didn't talk to him all the way to the Jeep. When she took her seat at the wheel she handed Ali the slip of paper she had been given and drove home. 

Ali could tell she shouldn't say anything about the situation at that time. She made small talk with Samuel all the way home. Ashlyn and Jacob were silent.

Once they had arrived at home Ali spoke up. "Jacob go to your room. One of us will be up there soon." 

Jacob left quietly. Ali knelt down to get eye-level with Sam. "Baby can you take Monster out back to go potty? "

"Ok, Mommy." Sam obeyed right away.

Ali slowly stood to her feet and turned to her wife. "Ashlyn, Sweetheart, you need to calm down. Why are you so angry?" 

"He skipped school. He lied to us! We pay almost a grand a month for that boy to go to a private school because of his special needs. So that he can get educated and have the brightest future possible. And he's throwing it away!" Ashlyn was on the verge of tears. 

"Baby, he's a teenager. He's not perfect." Ali said.

"I don't expect him to be perfect, Alex! But I do expect him to be grateful. And I expect him not to give up on himself before he even has a chance." Ashlyn explained. Ali noticed a sadness in her wife's voice.

"Ash, what's going on?" Ali said. She could see that something beyond their son skipping school and getting suspended was bothering her.

"Nothing." Ashlyn exhaled loudly and left to join Sam and Monster outside. Ali was more confused than ever.

...

"Does Mama hate me?" Jacob was sitting on the floor of his room. Ali had asked him to explain what had happened but he couldn't help but ask about Ashlyn. 

"Sweetheart, she could never hate you." Ali left her seat on her son's bed and joined him on the floor.

Jacob wiped a tear that had escaped one of his eyes. "Then why won't she talk to me?"

"Jacob, she's upset. But she'll calm down."

"Yeah, sure." Jacob said. He assumed that he had messed everything up. 

"What happened?" 

"Remember that girl from karate class? Um...Rachel?" 

Ali fought the urge to roll her eyes. Of course it was over a girl.

"Yeah, I remember her. Go on." Ali said.

"Well, she was bored...I guess. We were just gonna cut for lunch and it turned into a little longer." Jake explained.

"Well, you've been suspended for three days. That's what the paper said that they gave your Mama." Ali said.

"I figured." Jake replied.

"We are definitely going to add to your punishment. But we haven't figured that out yet." Ali saw that more and more tears were finding their way down Jacob's cheeks.

She put both arms around Jacob and pulled him in for a hug. She felt him fall apart in her arms. He shook with sobs in her embrace. 

"Sweetheart, it's gonna be ok. I promise." Ali held him until he calmed down. 

She told him to stay in his room until dinner. She had to figure out what was going on with her wife.

...

Ashlyn had made a run for it while Ali was upstairs talking to Jacob. For a responsible and loving mother making a run for it translates into taking the dog for a walk with the four year old.

Ali would have to wait a little longer to talk to her wife. She thought she knew her wife better than she knew herself, but Ashlyn's behavior completely caught her off guard.

Ali busied herself with getting dinner ready. She watched the clock closely. Her wife had apparently chosen to take the long route.

When Ashlyn finally got back, Ali could tell she was putting on a happy face for their youngest son. She had Samuel on her back and was listening to him go on and on about his latest adventure. 

Ali and Ash shared a look. Ashlyn knew she couldn't avoid her wife any longer. She put Sam down and unhooked Monster from his leash. With her head down and lower lip out she walked into Ali's shoulder. 

Ali put an arm around her wife and placed a kiss to the side of her head. She rubbed her back and took a small step backwards so that she could look her in the eye.

"What going on?" Ali asked.

"I'm sorry. I just.." Ashlyn couldn't seem to find the right words to explain. "I don't know."

"Ashlyn, our son is in tears because you won't talk to him. You better figure it out. You're a parent. You don't get to act like a child anymore." Ali snapped. Holding a sobbing fourteen year old was too much for her.

"Sure, Al. I'll just figure it out." Ashlyn said quietly. She started to leave when she heard Ali's voice.

"Ash..." Ali wasn't happy, but she knew she shouldn't have compared her wife to a child. "I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings." Ali was irritated. Her apology sounded forced.

"It's ok." Ash didn't turn around. She kept walking away. Ali did hurt her. But she really couldn't argue with anything that she said. 

Ali exhaled loudly before saying, "Baby, wait a minute."

Ashlyn stopped.

"I'm sorry." Ali squeezed Ashlyn's arm from behind. 

"I know." Ashlyn said. She pulled her arm out of Ali's grasp and walked away.

...

Ashlyn found herself standing outside of Jacob's bedroom door. She was actually nervous. After a quick mental pep talk she knocked.

Jake opened the door and his face fell as soon as he saw her. He felt guilty and ashamed.

"Can I come in?" Ash asked in a volume a little above a whisper.

"Yeah." Jake answered. He sat down on his bed and waited for his mother to yell at him.

But Ashlyn didn't yell. 

She pulled him up off the bed and hugged him. She held him until her own tears stopped. And as if she suddenly remembered that she was the parent, and needed to be there for him, she pushed him back down on his bed and walked to his bedroom window. 

She could see Sam and Monster playing out back. She blinked and suddenly it was her reflection in the glass that she saw. At that moment she realized what was bothering her.

"Jacob, when I was your age my only hope was to go to school and work my butt off. I didn't have anyone looking out for me." Ashlyn said. She walked back to Jake's bed and sat down next to him.

"Jake, when I look at you I see me. I see a kid who has been through a lot and hasn't had a lot breaks in this world. But you've got even more potential than I could've ever dreamed of. And I don't want you to waste an ounce of it." 

Ashlyn stood back up and started pacing around the room. "Jacob, your Mom and I want to give you every opportunity to have the greatest life possible. I mean..." Ash sighed loudly. "That's what we're here for....for you, I mean. We're here for you." 

Ash was talking fast and gesturing with her hands dramatically. She was passionate about her children. "It's because we love you. Ya know?" Ashlyn wiped her eyes and felt herself shaking. "I'm sorry if I made you feel any other way but loved."

Ashlyn wiped at her eyes one more time and left Jake's room. She didn't want to break down in front of her son. She was trying to be a good parent.

...

Ali was startled by a tap on her shoulder. She turned to find Jacob with a concerned look on his face.

"What is it, Sweetheart?" Ali asked.

"I think Mama needs you." Jacob was worried. 

"Where is she?"

"Upstairs." 

"Watch your brother. Lexi should be home any minute too." Ali instructed, as she made her way up the stairs.

She saw her wife with her head pressed against their bedroom window trying to catch her breath. Ali ran to the medicine cabinet and searched for Ashlyn's anxiety medicine. It wasn't there. Ali was on the verge of having her own anxiety attack.

She ran to Ashlyn. "Where's your medicine?" She asked. 

Ashlyn didn't answer. Ali didn't think she even noticed she was there. She was gasping for air. 

"Ashlyn where is your medicine?" Ali yelled.

Ash heard her that time. She held up the bottle her wife had been looking for. Ashlyn had it in her hand. 

Ali let out a relieved sigh and began to rub Ashlyn's back. "Focus on your breathing. It'll kick in. You'll be ok." 

Ashlyn did as she was told and the medicine worked as it was supposed to. Once things had calmed down Ali saw that her wife had been crying.

"Baby, what happened?" Ali asked. She knew it had been a tough day but she didn't see this coming.

"Um, I just started thinking about Jacob and it reminded me of me, I guess. It brought up some stuff. I wasn't trying to act like a child." Ashlyn explained.

Ali felt like someone punched her in the gut. "Ash, I'm sorry I said that. I felt bad about Jake. You're a great parent." 

"It's ok. I'm not that great sometimes. I thought that after I forgave my Mom that it would be easier." Ash's eyes started to water again. "I thought I would get fixed."

"Oh, my Love." Ali took Ashlyn into her arms and whispered into her ear. "I love you. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. You don't need to be fixed, Baby."

"Then why do I hurt so much?" Ashlyn asked.

Ali didn't have an easy answer that would make it all better. She didn't know what to say or do. 

"I don't know." Ali kissed Ashlyn's cheek. "But tomorrow will be better."

"How do you know?" Ash was desperate for some hope.

"Because it always is."


	119. Fixed (Part Two)

Ali scheduled an appointment for Ashlyn with her therapist. According to her, Ashlyn was dealing with some repressed childhood memories. 

The encounter with her mother brought some things out that her mind had been protecting her from. It's a common defense mechanism for children with traumatic backgrounds.

Her therapist reassured her that it was actually a good thing. She was dealing with stuff that at one time her brain thought she couldn't handle. She subconsciously pushed them away. Apparently, she was at a place in her life where she could deal with these things in a positive way.

Ashlyn's therapist also warned her and Ali that it was going to be a struggle to work through them. It may even seem like it's getting worse. But if they don't give up, it will get better.

...

Mornings seemed to be the hardest for Ashlyn. It helped knowing the cause of the pain. Ash tried to remember that the overwhelming feeling of hopelessness and sadness was a good thing. Or at least it was a sign of progress. It meant that her brain was working to move forward, instead of hiding from the truth.

...

Ali had handled their usual morning routine on her own. If Ashlyn got out of bed in time for breakfast she considered it a success. Since they had Jacob at home for three days because of his suspension, Ali decided to make him wake up early to help with the younger kids. 

He turned out to be a big help. He really was a good boy. Ali was thankful for his kind heart and willingness to help out when needed.

Ashlyn didn't eat or say much. She hated her new medication. She felt like a zombie. A very sad zombie.

Ali made an effort to be extra affectionate with her wife. She wanted there to be no question in Ashlyn's heart that she was loved.

Jacob walked Lexi to her bus. He carried her bag and held her hand until she was picked up. 

"Bye, Jake. Love you." Lexi said. She gave Jake's arm two tugs to signal she wanted a hug from her big brother. She could tell things weren't quite right in the house. She needed her big brother's assurance that everything was ok.

Jacob squatted down so that he was at her level and gave her a hearty brotherly hug.

"I love you too, Lex. Do your best, ok?" Jake said.

"I will." Lex said. She took one step onto the bus and turned back to her brother. "Don't eat all the cookies while I'm gone!" 

"If you're lucky!" Jake teased. He figured his little sister was doing just fine. She seemed more concerned with cookies than anything else.

...

"Sweetheart, I'm gonna drive Samuel to school. You're Mom should be fine while I'm gone, but keep an eye on her just in case." Ali kissed Jacob's cheek and headed out with Sam. 

Jake observed his Mama from the glass door leading to the back yard. For some reason it didn't dawn on the boy that his mother could see him just as clearly as he could see her. 

Ashlyn waved to her fourteen year old stalker son and told him to join her outside. She was sitting on one of the swings and pointed to the other swing next to her. Jacob sat down awkwardly and waited for his Mama to start the conversation.

She looked at him closely, as if to try and figure out what the boy was thinking without asking. Her brain was too fuzzy to figure it out. She decided just to ask.

"What are you thinking?" Ashlyn's voice sounded different, Jacob thought.

"Nothing." Jacob didn't want to say what he was really thinking. He was worried about Ashlyn. 

"Nothing." Ash took a sip of coffee from her favorite mug. "You sure about that?"

Jacob couldn't lie to her. "I'm worried about you. I wish you weren't so sad." 

Ashlyn let out a short and sad laugh. "Me, too." 

"What's it feel like?" Jacob asked. He was just being himself. He can be blunt at times. That was actually something Ashlyn loved about him.

"Right now it doesn't feel like much. I kinda hate it." 

"What do you mean?"

"My new medicine makes it hard to feel or think." Ashlyn said. "I take that back. I actually do feel, but it's muted or fuzzy. I can't explain it."

"Mom says it makes you more tired than normal." Jake added.

"It's a catch 22."

"What's that?" Jake asked.

"It means with or without the medicine, life sucks. There's no way to win." Ashlyn answered. 

She said this because at the moment, it was true. She didn't see things getting better, even though change was just around the corner.

...

When Ali returned home she saw her son lying on the couch playing a video game.

"Jacob, are you forgetting you're in trouble?" A lot had happened in the last couple of days. She was giving her son the benefit of the doubt. Maybe his concern for Ashlyn had consumed his mind and made him forget.

"No. Mama said I could."

Ali came close to accusing her son of manipulating the situation with his Mama, but she thought better. He wouldn't do anything like that. 

"Ok...but only an hour." Ali said.

Jacob paused his game and stayed quiet for a long enough moment for Ali to notice. He was working up the courage to ask her something.

"What is it, Jacob?" Ali asked her son.

"Do you regret marrying Mama?"

"What?" Ali answered. Jacob's question didn't even compute in Ali's mind.

"I mean...like do you wish you could go back? I'm sure now you wouldn't want it any other way because you love her, but like if you could go back before you met and change who you fell in love with. Maybe things could've been easier for you." Jake tried to explain his question more thoroughly. 

Unfortunately, it still sounded hurtful. And even more unfortunate was the fact that Ashlyn heard it all. 

Jacob had left the sliding glass door open. It wasn't until she interrupted their conversation that they realized it was open.

"I'll answer for you." Ashlyn said. "Of course she regrets it. Why would anyone want this?" Ashlyn phrased it as a question, but it was purely rhetorical. There was no logical reason in her mind why someone would choose her if they really knew what she was like.

"Ashlyn!" Ali felt she needed to correct her wife as soon as possible. "I could never regret marrying you!"

"Whatever you say, Alex." Ashlyn answered. She was unconvinced, but she didn't have the strength to argue. She left Ali and Jake to finish their conversation. She was feeling tired anyway. 

She selected sleep over talking. 

She went back to bed.

Ali and Jacob watched Ashlyn walk by them without another word and head up the steps. Jake was horrified. What did he just do?

"Mom, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean it the way it sounded. I promise." Jake tried to make amends.

"I know, Sweetheart. It'll be ok." Ali affirmed.

Ali spent a good amount of time explaining to her son the countless reasons she loved her wife and how she could never regret marrying Ashlyn. She told him she wouldn't change a thing.

...

When Ali left to pick up Samuel, Jacob's guilt led him to talk to Ashlyn. He quietly knocked on his parent's bedroom door and slowly let himself in when he didn't hear a greeting.

"Mama?" Jake was timid and a little scared.

Ashlyn rolled over towards his voice and squinted from the light that he let in by opening the door. 

"What is it, Jake?" 

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" Jacob asked cautiously.

Ashlyn sat up and gave the empty space next to her a pat. Jacob slowly sat down.

"I'm really sorry about what I said." He apologized. "It didn't come out right." 

"It's ok. It makes sense." Ash answered.

"What do you mean?" 

"You asked because of that girl, right?" Ashlyn had her son figured out. He reminded her of herself for a lot of reasons. 

"How did you know?" Jake asked. He was shocked that he was so easy to read. 

"You like her. You don't want to hurt her. You think you're like me." Ashlyn could be just as blunt as her son. "Don't worry, kid. You're way better than me. She'd be lucky to have you."

"Mom said all the best people are like you." Jacob bursted. He couldn't let his Mama feel like anything less than amazing.

"What?"

"She said it's the people that are able to feel the deepest that make the world beautiful. She told me she never knew what real joy was until she experienced it with you. Your lows are lower, but your highs are also higher."

"Your Mom said that?" Ash asked.

"Yeah. I guess it makes sense. My Lit teacher says all the best writers are like you. He said that's why they're able to make people feel things they've never felt before." Jake said. He was beginning to finally understand what his teacher was taking about.

Ash cracked a small smile and put an arm around her son. She pulled him in close to her so that their shoulders were touching. "So, you like this karate girl?" 

"What?" Jake was surprised by the change of subject.

"The girl you got in trouble with...remember her?" Ashlyn's personality was starting to break through the cracks.

"Yeah, I remember." Jake laughed. 

"You like her?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Have you talked to her since you got in trouble?" Ash asked.

"Um, no. I've kinda been suspended." Jacob said sarcastically.

"Don't get smart with me, boy." Ash joked. Things really were starting to feel more normal for her. "Have you talked to her...like on the phone?" Ash got a little sarcastic with her son as a payback.

"No. Mom took it away. I'm grounded, remember?" 

"Oh that's right. You skipped school." Ashlyn made a dramatic scene about it. "My scholar decided it was more important to impress a girl than to get good grades. Brilliant move on his part." Ashlyn pulled her son's head down into her lap and messed up his hair with both hands. "He's an absolute genius, I tell ya." 

...

Ali walked through the front door expecting a heaviness to be resting in the air, but instead she heard laughter. 

She slowly walked to find the source of the joy in her house. She wasn't surprised to find that her deep feeling wife was at the center of it. 

Ali was right, you don't know what real joy is unless you've experienced it with someone who's emotions have been to the depth of both sides of the spectrum.

...

Ashlyn's therapist gave her a journal to begin writing whatever came to her mind. She said it could be confused feelings or memories that she was starting to remember. She assured Ashlyn that there was no wrong way to keep a journal. The point was to write. As she wrote, it was as if the hurt had somewhere to go that wasn't inside Ashlyn. She didn't have to hold onto it because it was written down. It was safe.

Subconsciously she was giving herself permission to let go, because the memories were technically still there. She wasn't forgetting or ignoring her past. She faced it and gave it a place in the top drawer of her nightstand. 

A place where she could control it's affects on her. If she needed to revisit it for any reason, she could. But the important thing was that she could always close the notebook and leave it, whenever she wanted.

Once her new medicine was adjusted properly and her journaling was in full effect, Ashlyn felt much lighter. She visited her therapist once a week to talk through the things she was writing about. 

Ashlyn was healing. Things had to be exposed to be properly dealt with. 

Ali and Ashlyn's therapist's promise was true. It did get better.

Healing had come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last two chapters have been a little heavy for me. I'm gonna lighten things up a little in the next few. I need some drama rehab. 
> 
> Thanks for reading and your encouragement. It means so much to me.


	120. Prank Wars

"How are you feeling?" Ali asked. 

Ashlyn was doing much better lately. She had been making progress in dealing with her anxiety and depression. The difference was like night and day. 

But Ali was still Ali. And Ali wouldn't be Ali if she didn't worry about her family.

"I'm ok." Ash said. She was much quieter these days. Ashlyn was processing a lot of things and it took her attention away from normal life.

"Are you sure? You were up pretty late." Ali had woken up a couple of different times to find her wife sitting up and writing in her journal.

"Did I keep you up? I'm sorry." 

"No, I slept fine." Ali said. She hesitated before saying what she was dying to ask about. "I heard you crying..."

"Alex, I'm fine. You have to trust me. It's not good for you to constantly be worrying about me." Ashlyn said.

"Baby, I can't listen to you cry and not get worried."

"I'm gonna cry. Some of the stuff is really hard. But I'm dealing with things and moving forward. That should make you happy, not worried."

"Sweetheart, I wish it was that easy. It's killing me. I don't know anything about what's happening. I feel helpless." Ali let her wife handle things the way she wanted to. Which meant that Ali was left in the dark about the things that were being dug up. 

Ashlyn wanted to protect her worrying wife. She didn't think she could handle it.

"I'm sorry. You're not helpless, though. You help me all the time. Constantly, actually. You CONSTANTLY help me." Ashlyn replied.

The women were sitting on lounge chairs in their back yard while their children worked on their homework. Ali got up from her chair and stood next to her seated wife. She ran her fingers through Ashlyn's blonde hair and sat down in her lap.

"I just love you so much. I hate that you're hurting and you have to go through this alone."

"Babe, I'm not going through anything alone. I don't understand why you even think that." Ashlyn answered. 

"I think that because I watch you struggle every night through these horrible things that apparently your brain hid from you, because it was too dangerous for you to remember. Do you know how scary it is for me to think about the fact that now you are remembering those dangerous things? I listen to you cry right next to me, and you don't want me to know anything so I feel like I can't even comfort you. Do you know what that's like, Ashlyn? If I did that to you, how would you feel?" Ali said. She laid her head on Ashlyn's shoulder and let her hold her and bring her worried heart comfort.

"I'm sorry. You can read my journal, if you want. I'm not trying to hide anything from you. I don't want you to worry or anything. But you know me...whatever I've got is yours. No secrets." Ashlyn laid a few kisses on Ali's forehead. 

She was happy to be able to be the strong one for a change. Lately she hadn't had many opportunities to do that.

...

"Shhh!" Jake and Lexi said simultaneously.

"Shut up, Sam!" Lexi said the banned phrase to her little brother.

Samuel couldn't help it. His siblings had a prank planned and he was giggling all throughout the preparations. Jacob carried a big bucket filled with water balloons to the window of Samuel's bedroom. 

They could see their parents directly underneath them talking and sitting on the lounge chairs by the glass doors.

"Sam, you need to stop laughing. I can't open the window and take out the screen with you laughing. They'll hear us!"

Samuel wasn't even registering his brother's words. His eyes were wide and he was squishing a water balloon in his hands, moving the water from one end of the ballon to the other. The sound the wet balloon made in his hands reminded him of a bodily noise that all little boys find hilarious. He couldn't help but laugh. 

"Sam, shut up!" Lexi was not concerned with being kind. Her brother needed to shut his mouth.

"No! You shut up!" Sam yelled. He didn't think he did anything wrong. He was just having fun. He told his sister off and then went back to making flatulence noises with a balloon.

Samuel's giggling continued to get louder and louder. Sam was imagining dropping the balloons on his Mama's head. He was positively giddy.

"Sam, if you don't be quiet I'm gonna punch you." Jacob threatened.

Sam's expression changed immediately. Jacob watched as his little brothers eye started to fill up with tears. This was not going well.

"Sam, I'm not really going to punch you. I just said that to scare you so you'd stop being loud." Jacob explained. A laughing Samuel is much easier to manage than a crying Samuel.

"You won't hit me?" Sam wiped his nose with the back of his hand and looked up at his big brother with watery eyes.

"No, I'm not gonna hit you. But you have to be quiet." Jake answered.

"Ok, Jakes!" Sam agreed easily. He wrapped his arms around his brother's leg and leaned against him. He was ready for whatever his brother had planned.

"Why did we have to bring him?" Lexi asked. She thought Sam was annoying and a waste of space.

"Because if we get in trouble, he's the key to us getting out of it. He's cute." Jacob said.

"I'm cute!" Lexi knew her cuteness was just as powerful as Samuel's.

"Yeah, I guess." Jake said. He didn't sound impressed. That just made Lexi mad. She flicked her little brother in the ear and didn't feel one bit of regret when he started to cry.

"Lexi, what is your problem?" Jake yelled at her and then tried to comfort his brother. "You're ok, Sam. You're ok." Jake rubbed Sam's ear trying to take the sting away. 

"You hurt me!" Sam accused. 

"So?" Lexi said. She thought her brother cried too much, anyway. He probably did it for attention.

"Lex, stop! We aren't gonna be able to do it if he's crying. That's worse than laughing." Jacob tried to rationalize with the six year old but was getting nowhere fast.

"He's so annoying!" Lexi rolled her eyes in disgust. 

"I should've done this on my own." Jacob mumbled. His siblings were not cooperating. He decided to go for it. If his parents hear, then they hear.

Jake used a screw driver to pry open the screen of the window. He didn't think his brother and sister would get along long enough to throw the balloons one by one. He poured the entire bucket of balloons on top of his mothers' heads.

...

"Baby, I need you to try to take it easy. No stress." Ali said. She was still in her wife's lap enjoying the sunny day. She was grateful for a moment of peace with her wife.

At this precise moment the women were hit with cold water-filled balloons.

Ashlyn jumped up causing Ali to fall to the ground. She looked up to see the very end of a bucket being pulled into Samuel's bedroom window. Ash left Ali soaking wet and sitting on the ground.

Ashlyn sprinted to her son's room and caught the suspects before they could disperse to safety. She shook her hair out next to Jacob, making sure to spray him as much as possible. 

Samuel jumped up and raised his hand saying, "Me, me, me too, Mama!" 

Ash had plenty of cold water to go around. She picked her son up and squashed him in a hug, transferring as much water as possible.

"That's cold, Mama!" Sam shouted. Ash gave Sam a sloppy kiss and went searching for her daughter.

"Where's my little princess?" Ashlyn asked. She could see her foot sticking out from underneath Samuel's bed. She circled around to the other side and laid down flat on the floor. Her head was right next to the top of Lexi's head.

Lexi had her eyes closed and had no idea that her Mama had found her until she heard a quiet whisper.

"Lex, where are you?" Ashlyn said quietly. 

"In the closet." Lex whispered back. She wanted to throw off her Mama's search.

"No you're not." Ash whispered. 

Lexi realized that she had been found out. "You tricked me!" She scolded Ashlyn.

"You threw water balloons at me." Ash defended.

Jake and Sam's constant laughter stopped suddenly. Ash looked up as she pulled her daughter out from under the bed.

"Hey, Babe. The wet t-shirt contest is down the hall." Ash joked.

Ali was not laughing. 

"Your Mama has been struggling with anxiety and you think it's a good idea to attack her with water balloons!" Ali was talking to Jacob. She knew he was the mastermind of the outfit.

"I thought it would be funny." He said.

"Funny? Jacob, I'm trying to create a peaceful environment for your Mama and you're having water balloon wars. Go to your room!" Ali pointed at the door and Jake obeyed. He didn't think it would hurt anyone. He was just trying to have some fun.

Ashlyn felt the same way Jacob did.

"What was that?" Ash asked.

"He shouldn't have done that!" 

"It's not a big deal. The kids were having fun." Ashlyn defended.

"We shouldn't talk about this right now." Ali said.

Ash glanced at Sam and Lexi who looked scared to death, and agreed. It could be taken care of later. 

"Let's get you guys cleaned up." Ash said. She picked them both up and walked past Ali, leaving her to simmer down in Sam's empty bedroom.

...

Ash gave Sam a bath and carried his towel-covered body to his room to get clean clothes. Ali was sitting on her son's bed waiting for her wife.

"Hey." Ali said quietly.

"Hey, Babe." Ashlyn happily greeted her wife. She didn't notice how tense Ali was.

Ashlyn took a long time helping Sam get dressed. The two of them could make the simplest things into a game. It's fun for them but can make getting dressed seem like it takes forever. Especially with an impatient Mommy waiting to talk to an oblivious Mama.

"Looking good, Bam!" Ash gave her boy a high-five. "Babe, doesn't our Super Sam-Bam look extra tough?"

Sam flexed for his Mommy and made grunting noises to get his Mommy's approval.

"Yes, our handsome boy looks very tough." Ali said. She smiled at her baby boy and gave her wife 'the look.' Which is what Ashlyn calls Ali's way of telling her they need to have a serious conversation.

"Bud, I'm gonna take your beautiful Mommy for a little walk. Can you make us a cool spaceship out of your Legos? We can play with it after dinner." Ashlyn said.

"Ok, Mama!" Sam said. He started building it right away while making robot noises.

Ashlyn took Ali by the hand and led her out of the room and into the hallway. "What's up?"

"I feel guilty." Ail admitted.

"Why?" Ash asked.

"Because I yelled at Jacob. I wanted to talk to you before I apologized to him. I guess I need a pep talk. I feel horrible. I feel like I'm freaking out about everything." Ali rambled her explanation quickly. 

"I don't think you should apologize." Ash answered.

"I should. I was awful. You're the one that said it wasn't a big deal." 

"I know. But..." Ash looked around and decided they needed to continue in a more private place. She pulled her wife into their bedroom and shut the door. "I think we need to get some payback!"

"What are you talking about?" Ali wasn't tracking with her wife.

"I'm talking about prank wars. We're in the middle of one, Babe. And at the moment we are losing. Now, me and you have an advantage. We're smarter, we have more resources to work with, and we're in charge. They are always gonna be wondering if they will get in trouble if they try to get revenge. Let's get our own revenge!"

...

"Jacob, you are in big trouble! What you did was disrespectful. It was completely unacceptable. You are grounded from your video games for a week and no cell phone!" Ali yelled.

Jake was in shock. He knew his Mom was upset but he never guessed he would get into any real trouble. 

"Oh, and by the way....GOTCHA!" Ali screamed. She was acting like Sam in her giddiness about being involved with a prank. 

Ash was out in the hall eavesdropping. She rolled her eyes at her wife. "Lame." Ash whispered. But everything was going according to her plan. 

...

"Babe, it's time for phase two of our plan." Ash whispered into her wife's ear. Ali was in the kitchen getting dinner ready.

"Phase two? We have a phase two?" Ali asked. Poor Ali. Her wife kept her in the dark on purpose. 

"Yes, you're lame angry act with Jake was phase one. Phase two is going to be us putting disgusting crap in their food." Ashlyn said.

"What? No, I'm not going to do that. That's mean!" 

"It's not mean. It's a joke. These kids need to understand that we are master pranksters and they are LAME-O's." 

"Who are you?" Ali laughed at her wife. She was being super competitive with their children and it was kind of hilarious. 

"I am the queen of pranks." Ash answered. Then she thought better and added to her declaration. "Don't worry, Babe. You are the Queen of everything else."

"That's better." Ali gave her wife a kiss and asked. "So what are you thinking, Queen of Pranks?"

"Is there like a baked good that can be stuffed with something?" Ash asked.

"Like what?"

"Alex, you need to use your imagination. I mean like mayo in a chocolate roll thingy that the kids would think is cream and not hesitate to take a big bite." Ash explained.

"Go get some donuts. I'll work on some kind of gross filling." Ali was determined to prove to her wife that she could be a cool prankster too.

...

After dinner Ali announced that they had a 'special' treat for dessert. Ashlyn was eager to watch her children bite into the disgusting treats. Sam was the first to take a bite. When he bit into it nothing seemed off. Ash looked at her wife confused. Ali leaned in to whisper her explanation. "He's cute. I couldn't prank my littlest baby." 

Ash shook her head and focused on her other children. Lexi took a bite and to Ashlyn's dismay her reaction barely registered. Ali leaned in again. "She's cute too. I just put in a little." 

Jake took a bite and Ashlyn finally got the reaction she wanted.

"What is this?" Jake used his napkin to wipe off his tongue. He ran to the sink and rinsed out his mouth at the faucet. 

"This is a prank, son!" Ashlyn picked up one of the extra donuts and said "Revenge is sweet!" She took a bite and spit it out promptly. 

Apparently Ali was a bit of a prankster too.


	121. Crush

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains a couple of prompt requests. I hope you enjoy!

Ali woke up extra early with her sleeping wife nuzzled into her. Ashlyn had told her that she was welcome to read through her journal if she wanted. Ali took advantage of the peace and quiet of her sleeping family and used the time to read her wife's thoughts.

Ali knew it would probably upset her, but she felt she needed to keep up with what her wife was going through. Her concern for her wife and her natural curiosity made it impossible for her to stay out of the loop.

Ali wished that she could protect her wife from the memories and hurt that were coming up after years of repression. All she could do was be a constant presence of strength and peace. She had the 'strength' part down. The 'peace' side of things was a bit more difficult. 

Ashlyn's brave pursuit of working through her own struggles had inspired Ali to do the same. Her temper and inability to hold her tongue often got the better of her and had hurt the people she loved. She was using her wife's courage to inspire her to work to be a better person.

...

"Hey, Mom. Can I talk to you for a minute?" Jake called out to Ali as she was heading downstairs to get breakfast started.

"Of course, Sweetheart. What's up?" Ali asked.

"I was just um..." Jake was nervous about the subject he wanted to talk about.

Ali smiled at her nervous son. "Jacob, you know you can talk to me about anything. Don't be shy."

"Uh, well...um..." Jake swallowed hard and then decided to just spit it out. "I was thinking about asking Rachel to be my girlfriend. But I don't know what to say." 

Ali wasn't exactly sure how to respond to this. She thought her child was sweet and impressionable, like most mothers do, but she wasn't so sure about the girl he was interested in.

"Sweetheart, I'm not sure you're old enough to start dating yet. Maybe you should rethink this." Ali said.

Jacob was not expecting to hear his Mom's squash the idea completely. He wasn't asking if he should or shouldn't ask the girl out. He was asking about how to do it. "Why? Lots of guys on my team have girlfriends. I like her a lot."

"I just don't know if she's good for you. She's the one that convinced you to skip school. I really don't like that, Jacob."

"She didn't 'convince' me. We chose to skip together. She's really nice. We have a lot of things in common. Why don't you like her?" 

"I think she's a bad influence and you're too young, anyways." Ali said. She knew she couldn't forbid him to pursue the girl. That would only make him want her more. 

She chose to change the subject instead of give the trouble making, heart breaking, karate girl any more of her son's attention. "We can talk about this later. Get ready for school and come down for breakfast."

"Yes, Ma'am." Jacob was disappointed in how their conversation went. He wanted to kick himself. He should've talked to his Mama about this instead.

...

"What's wrong, son?" Ash gave Jake a pat on the back. She had just finished helping Samuel cut up his pancakes.

"Nothing." Jake said. His sad eyes and quiet answer gave him a way.

"Jake, come on man. What's up?" Ash asked again.

"I wanted to ask someone something important today but...I guess I'm not going to." Jake said. He looked up at Ali who was hoping he would drop the subject. 

"What did you want to ask?" Ashlyn asked with concern. She wanted her son to be confident with himself and not avoid doing something because of his shyness. She had no idea what she was getting into.

"I wanted to ask Rachel to be my girlfriend." Jake confessed quietly just so his Mama could hear. Although, Ali had a good idea what he had said.

"Really?" Ash said quietly. "Well, what's stopping you? You're a catch!"

"Mom said I'm too young." Jake answered.

Ashlyn caught her wife staring at them. She wasn't sure how to handle the situation.

"Hmm...I'll talk to her. Don't stress out about it." Ash whispered. Jacob nodded and continued eating his pancakes.

...

"Babe, what's your deal with Jake being too young for a girlfriend?" Ash asked her wife who was emptying the dishwasher.

"I think he's too young. What else is there to talk about?" Ali answered. She didn't want to really get into it. If she was being honest there would be a lot to talk about.

"It's not like they're really dating. It's a kid type dating. They can't even drive. What's the big deal?" Ash asked.

Ali handed her wife a plate to put away and answered. "We don't know this girl. She got our well-behaved sweet boy suspended from school. I'm not going to let that go on."

"So, you don't think he's too young?" 

"I don't know. He's too young to date HER." Ali said. She was running out of rational reasons.

"You don't like her because she has stolen your little boy's heart. You're jealous." 

"I am not!" Ali was offended that her wife would question her motives.

"The truth is that we don't know this girl. Jacob was suspended from school because he was trying to impress her. That's not ok, Ashlyn."

"Al, he's fourteen. He's a kid and so is she. They're gonna make mistakes. It doesn't mean they're evil." Ashlyn pulled her wife into a hug and held her tight, even though Ali was keeping her arms limp and trying hard to avoid her wife's kisses.

"We don't know this girl. I would feel a lot better if we did." Ali was being stubborn towards her wife's affection and opinion about Jacob's new friend.

"Let's invite her over for dinner." Ash suggested. "We can get to know her better. If I text Jake now, he can check his phone at lunch, and ask her to come over tonight." 

"Fine. But I'm not changing my mind unless she deserves it." Ali said.

"Whatever you say, Dear." Ashlyn went in for a kiss and Ali finally let her connect. Ash gripped Ali's waist a little tighter and lifted her a couple of inches off the ground to get a better angle. Ali seemed to lighten up the longer her wife kissed her. 

"I love you." Ali was feeling more affectionate. Her wife had a way of bringing out her soft side.

"Ya know, Sam's school doesn't get out for another two hours." Ashlyn said. Her wife knew what she was suggesting.

"An hour and a half, actually. And you take too long. We still need to go for a run today. You do remember we're athletes, right?" 

"I do not 'take too long!' I take my time. I would think you would be a little more appreciative of that fact." Ashlyn said and started to walk away until she thought of one more thing. "And don't worry I'll make sure to be quick from now on. I wouldn't want to inconvenience you." 

"Baby, that's not what I meant. It's not a bad thing to take your time. It's good!" Ali replied. Then she whispered to herself. "It's really good."

Ali chased after her wife feeling like she may have made a big mistake. She should have thought twice before she spoke.

...

Jake turned on his phone and found a text from his Mama.

"Rach, my parents said you can come over for dinner." He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. He didn't think about the fact that he was kinda asking her out until after he said it.

"Really? Have you talked to them about me?" Rachel asked. She was a confident girl, which is something Jacob loved about her. She was also good at making Jake blush.

"Um, yeah. I guess."

"I would need to ask my Dad, but I'm pretty sure he will say yes." 

"Awesome." Jake whispered to himself in celebration. He meant to just think it, but he said it out loud instead. Rachel had once again caused him to blush. He felt like he had no control over his words around this girl. He was crushing hard.

...

Jake put the finishing touches on his hair. He combed it and put gel in it to make sure he was looking his best. He brushed his teeth again and did the classic breath test by exhaling hard into his hand. He sniffed minty goodness and gave himself a wink in the mirror.

"You can do this, Jake." He said to himself. "She likes you. She wouldn't have agreed to come if she didn't like you." 

Jacob heard his mother call him from downstairs. His special guest had arrived.

Jacob sprinted down the steps and tried to play it cool when he saw his Mama laughing at his eagerness. He took a few deep breaths and opened the door for his special friend and her father.

"Hi, Rachel." Jake said. His eyes never left the girl. Her dad and his family had disappeared from existence. 

"Son, maybe you should introduce us." Ashlyn said. She was trying to help her boy out a little. 

Ashlyn's voice did the trick. It pulled Jake out of his love sick state, but unfortunately it made him realize the girl's father had been standing there too. Now he was really nervous.

"Uh, hello sir." Jake stuck out his hand. After the two shared a handshake, Ali took over the introductions.

"Hi. I'm Ali. This is my wife, Ashlyn. And Jacob, here, is our oldest. Our other children are outside playing with our dog." Ali said. Jake was relieved that she stepped in. He was shaking with nerves.

"Nice to meet you. I'm Tom." He shook hands with both women. "Thanks for having my daughter over. She's probably glad that she doesn't have to eat my cooking for one night." He joked.

"You're welcome to stay, if you'd like." Ali said. She wished she would have thought about inviting him earlier.

"No, I couldn't impose. Besides I have some paperwork that I need to finish before tomorrow morning. I appreciate the invite, though." Tom answered.

"Then you have to come back some other time." Ali smiled.

"Definitely." He answered. "What time should I pick up Rachel?" 

"We can drop her off!" Jake jumped into the discussion.

Ash put a hand on the boy's shoulder to calm him down. "We'd be glad to take her home." Ash offered.

"Are you sure?" He asked.

"Of course. We can have her home by 8:00pm."

"Sounds good. Thank you." Tom said. He gave a quick wave and left his daughter into the hands of the Krieger-Harris family.

...

After dinner Ashlyn and Jacob drove Rachel home. Jake was excited to hear what his parents thought about the girl of his dreams. 

"Mom, what did you think of Rachel? She's nice, right?" Jake asked.

"She was very nice, Sweetheart. I'm just not sure it's the right time for you to be pursuing a relationship with her. But you can still be friends." Ali said. She watched her son's heart break in front of her.

"Everything went great. Why don't you like her?" Jacob asked.

"I do like her. I just don't think she's good for you." Ali said.

"Then you don't know her. She's great. She makes me feel good about myself. Why is that a bad thing?" 

Ashlyn didn't understand her wife's problem. Rachel really was great. She thought she was good for their son, but she wasn't going to argue in front of Jacob. 

Jacob turned toward Ashlyn and asked. "Can I go to my room?" 

"Yeah, of course." Ash answered.

Jake left deflated. He thought the night had been a big success, but judging by his Mom's reaction he couldn't have been more wrong.

"What is your problem?" Ash asked once Jake was out of earshot.

"I worry she's going to hurt him. You heard her when she was telling us about her family. She said her mother isn't around. What's that about? It's not that I don't approve of her, I just think it might be too much drama for our son to deal with in the future." Ali explained.

"Are you being serious right now?" Ash asked. She wasn't really asking. She was about to make a point. 

"We don't know the circumstances..." 

Ash's tone changed from curious about her wife's opinion to something similar to angry. "How dare you judge this girl based on her family background? Maybe me and our children aren't good enough to hang out with you. Is that the point you're trying to make? Because that's how it sounds when you're talking about this poor girl." 

Ali was quick to defend herself. "That's not what I'm saying. Those two have already been suspended together. Is that the kind of relationship we are hoping for for our son? I just wonder if she has too much baggage."

"You know what, Ali? You're right." Ash was not in agreement with her wife. She was making another point. "He shouldn't get involved with someone who has been hurt and has baggage. We wouldn't want him to have to read in her journal one day about how messed up she is." Ashlyn was done talking. She was ready to leave but her wife wouldn't let her.

Ali grabbed her arm and kept her there. "Ashlyn, please stop. That's not what I mean. You're sensitive right now. I'm not rejecting you or regretting that I'm with you. I'm thinking about our son, who already has a lot of baggage of his own to carry." Ali watched as her wife's jaw tightened and loosened a few times before continuing. "Can we talk about this later?" 

"Sure." Ashlyn said. "But you know what? It really sucks when people are judged for things that are completely out of their control. That girl was nothing but kind and sweet. The two words I would use to describe our son. How would you feel if Rachel's dad said the same things about Jacob if it was their house and he had the courage to have dinner with her family? It sucks, Alex!" 

Ash left to take out the trash. But that was more of an excuse to get away from her wife. Ali hated to admit it, but Ashlyn was completely right. 

...

Ali gave her wife some space. Her big mouth kept making things worse for Ashlyn. She didn't want to say something else she would regret. Ali chose to speak to Jacob first.

"What do you want?" Jake was a tad bit disrespectful in his tone, but Ali let it slide.

"Can I talk to you, please?" Ali asked. 

Jacob stepped out of his mother's way to signal that she could enter his room. Ali moved his book bag to the floor and sat down in his desk chair.

"I wanted to apologize to you." Ali said. "I was being overprotective. Rachel seems like a nice girl. I'm sorry if I judged her and made you feel bad."

"You like her now?" Jake asked. He really wanted his parents' approval. 

"I'm working on it." Ali said. She didn't want to lie to her son. "But I'm probably going to never think anyone is good enough for you." 

Jake's face dropped. He interpreted that to mean he would be single for the rest of his life.

"What I'm trying to say is that you mean so much to me. I love you with my whole heart and I'm always going to want to protect you. But since I may be a little overprotective from time to time, I have to deal with the possibility of sharing you with someone else. But you have to promise to save room in your heart for me, too." 

Jacob smiled at his Mom and shrugged. "I could probably do that." 

"You think?" 

"Yeah, I'll never love anyone as much as I love you and Mama." 

Ali gave her son a hug and said, "I wish that were true, son. But you will find someone. And you'll be surprised by how much you can love a person. Now, if you will forgive me, I can go find my 'person' and tell her how much I love her." 

"Ugh, we were doing so well. I forgive you. But stop being all mooshy." Jake did not enjoy his parents' affection.

"Whatever you say, Sweetheart. I love you." Ali gave her son one more hug and kiss and left to find her wife.

...

"Lex, where's Mama?" Ali had searched the house for Ash but couldn't find her. She saw Lexi playing in the back yard and hoped she would have an answer.

Lexi pointed to their new treehouse. "Mama and Sam are playing." 

"Thanks." Ali said. She climbed up the steps to the treehouse and knocked on the door. She didn't want to intrude on a top secret meeting. One could never be too careful with those two.

"Who's there?" Samuel yelled.

"It's Mommy!" Ali yelled back.

She heard some shuffling and waited for the door to open. Sam's little arms took longer to push the door open for his Mommy. 

"Hi, sweet boy. Are you having fun with Mama?" Ali asked.

"Yee-up! Mama and me are playing cars." Sam answered. Ashlyn had set up a battery powered racetrack for Sam. They both had their own cars and remote controls to race them around the track.

"Sounds like fun. Can I play, too?" Ali asked. She knew her wife wouldn't avoid her if they were playing with Samuel.

"Ok, Mommy!" Sam was more than happy to have both his parents play with him.

"Here." Ashlyn said and handed Ali her race car's control. 

"Thanks." Ali said softly. She knew she had put her foot in her mouth earlier. She was going to be slow to speak until she knew she could articulate to her wife what she was thinking.

Ali observed as Ash and Sam interacted. Watching her family have fun with each other was one of Ali's favorite things to do. 

"Mommy, you drive too fast." Sam said. Ali kept running of the track because she wouldn't slow down around the curves.

Sam put her car back on the track and pointed at each curve. "Go slow at these spots." He pointed to the areas of the track that were straight. "Go fast here." 

"Ok, thank you Sammy." Ali answered. She looked up and saw her wife smiling at Sam's professional level racing advice.

Ali caught Ashlyn's eye and had an idea. "You know, Sam..." Ali said, "Sometimes I go too fast when I speak."

"Huh?" Samuel was thoroughly confused. How was Ali expecting to win the race if she didn't pay attention?

"Sometimes I say things I don't mean and regret because I don't slow down and listen to others." Ali said. She looked to her wife to make sure she knew what she was talking about. 

Ashlyn's eyes revealed that she understood what Ali was referring to.

"I'm really sorry when I do that." Ali said, looking straight at Ashlyn. 

Ashlyn nodded as if to say that she accepted her apology.

"Mommy! Pay attention to me!" Sam made it clear that if Ali wanted to be a better race car driver she would need to focus. 

"I'm sorry, Sweetheart. Can you show me one more time?" Ali said. She gave Ashlyn a smile and then turned her attention to her son.

Ashlyn moved to sit closer to Ali. She leaned up against her and laid a soft kiss on her shoulder. 

"I love you." Ali turned toward Ashlyn and whispered. Ashlyn leaned in to give her a kiss. Ali's hand reacted to the kiss by pushing the gas button for her car. The race car went flying.

Samuel bonked himself on the head as a response and said, "Oh brother. Mommy, pay attention!"


	122. Like A Fish In Slow Motion

"Als, I think you need a break?" Ashlyn was concerned about her stressed out wife.

"Me? If anything you're the one that needs a break." Ali had been stressed out because of Ashlyn's recent emotional battles.

"I'm fine." Ash said.

"Me, too." Ali answers back.

"Well, alrighty then. I guess you're not interested in the surprise I had for you." Ashlyn sighed loudly and said. "I guess I'll give it to someone else." Ash pretended to leave. She knew her wife would take the bait.

"Wait!" Ali grabbed Ashlyn's arm and pulled her back. 

Ashlyn had her fish hooked and ready to be reeled in.

"What? You're fine." Ash pretended to not care that her wife was busting at the seams with curiosity.

"What did you get me?" Ali asked.

"You don't need it. You're fine." Ash gave Ali a quick peck on the lips and turned to walk away.

"Stop! Please tell me." Ali begged.

Ashlyn smiled big while her back was still turned towards her wife. 

Her fish had been caught. 

By the time she turned around her face was serious again. "I might have bought us a couples' massage while Sam is at school, and made an appointment to go wine tasting tonight."

"Tonight?" Ali's voice raised a little in pitch.

Ashlyn already knew what her wife was worried about. "Annie and Joey are coming over. She'll watch the kids.

"Really?" Ali was surprised that Ashlyn had planned ahead all by herself. 

"Really."

"What about the massage? When is that?"

Ashlyn checked her watch. "In about an hour." 

"Ash, what about training? We need to go to the gym. You know as well as anyone else that this is not the time to slack off. We're in the homestretch for the World Cup." 

"Babe, thanks for the lecture, but I rescheduled our training session for after we pick up Sam. We'll drop him off at your Dad's." Ash said.

Ali exhaled loudly trying to think of something else to complain about. But there was nothing. Her thoughtful wife had it all covered.

"Ok." Ali said with a sly smile.

"Ok?" Ash asked for confirmation.

"Yeah. Ok."

"Great! Let's go get some coffee and pastries from that bakery you like so much." Ashlyn said.

"Baby, relax. You're doing too much. Let's take a breath." Ali said. Just the simple fact that her wife wanted to take care of her was enough to make her feel better. But it wasn't enough for Ashlyn. She wanted to make sure that Ali knew how much she loved her. She wanted Ali to feel pampered and rested.

...

"Did your Dad like me?" Jacob asked his hopefully soon-to-be girlfriend.

"Yeah." Rachel answered. She was trying to be mysterious. She knew it drove Jacob crazy. And she really liked to drive Jacob crazy.

"Like did he say anything about me?" Jake asked.

"Eh, you know. Not much." 

"Not much? He didn't like me?" Jacob looked so sad. 

Rachel couldn't take it anymore. She broke out into a smile and confessed. "He loved you and your family. He said you seemed like a very nice boy even though you got me suspended."

Jake was happy to hear her dad liked him but the last part sort of freaked him out. "He thinks I'm the reason you got suspended?"

"Yeah. I might've told him you offered me drugs and kidnapped me." 

"Shut up." Jake finally figured out she was joking. "Do you want to come over after school to work on homework?"

"Sure. I'll ask my Dad. Make sure you ask your Mom." Rachel was a very smart girl. Jacob called her an undercover genius because she didn't have to study or anything. She was really laid back and didn't brag about how smart she was.

"I'll text them at lunch. I think they'll say yes. I can use all the help I can get when it comes to school." 

Jake was right, Ali was happy to have Rachel over if it meant Jake was eager to learn and work hard in school. But she would have to make sure there was no funny business going on. Just homework.

...

"You know, you never realize how tight your muscles are until you get a really good massage." Ashlyn said. She felt like a million bucks.

"I know what you mean. My body feels so relaxed. Thank you, Sweetheart." Ali reached over the console of Ashlyn's Jeep and gave her free hand a squeeze. 

"You're welcome. I want you to feel good." Ash said.

"I feel great!"

The women were on their way to pick up Samuel. They had to drop him of at his Grandpa's house and then get to the gym for their daily training session. After their workout they had to pick up Sam and hurry home to meet Annie and Joey for the rest of the afternoon.

...

"When did my wife set this up?" Ali asked Annie. The two of them were sharing a cup of coffee while Ashlyn played outside with Sam and Joey.

"A couple days ago. She said you might be a little stressed out. She said you could use a night off and a friend." Annie said.

"She's my friend."

"She said she was the cause of some of your stress. She wanted you to have someone you could talk to without worrying about how it might make her feel." Annie explained.

"She thinks I'm holding back when I talk to her?" Ali asked.

"She didn't give me details, but she said things have been a little hard and you might be trying to protect her. And maybe you need to be able to share your feelings without hesitation." Annie said.

"My wife thinks I'm hiding my feelings from her." Ali was thinking out loud more than talking to Annie when she said this. But of course, Annie heard her.

"She didn't say that. She said you were worried about her."

Ali nodded. "It's true. I am worried about her."

Ali glanced out the window and watched Ashlyn play with two four year olds and a puppy. 

"Ash is tough. I know that. She's the strongest person I've ever met. But she's also open and vulnerable in a lot of ways. And those are the areas where she can get hurt." Ali said. She never took her eyes off of Ashlyn.

"Ali, it's ok to ask for help." Annie said.

"She knows that." Ali said.

"I'm not talking about Ashlyn."

Ali shifted her eyes from her wife to Annie. "What?"

"I'm talking about you. You try to hold it all together and be there for everyone else. Maybe Ashlyn thinks you need to open up and be vulnerable."

Ali had never thought about the fact that her trying to hold all of the pieces together might mean she was keeping her own needs from her wife. 

She didn't need a break. 

She needed Ashlyn. 

...

"I know what you're doing." Ali said as Ash and her went to pick up Jake and Rachel from school.

"What am I doing?" Ash asked.

"You're going to send Annie with me to go wine tasting or where ever it is you actually planned for us to go."

"Why would I do that?" Ash asked.

"Because you think I need a friend to talk to. You think that I can't be honest with you." Ali said.

"Can you?" Ash asked.

"Be honest? Of course I can. Why would you even think that?" 

"Because you're scared I'm going to break. You're afraid to tell me you're afraid. So I figured I could stay home with the kids and offer to babysit Joey and you and Annie could talk. She's more than happy to help. And you don't have to worry about her judging you. She's kind and a great friend." Ashlyn admitted her plan all along.

"Ash, I don't want to talk to Annie. I want to talk to you. But I don't want to hurt you."

"You're not going to hurt me. You think I'm expecting you to have all the right answers and always know what to do. I'm not. But I do expect you to be honest with me. I know you're overwhelmed. But you're too busy trying to make sure I'm ok to take care of yourself. So...I'm taking myself out of the equation." 

Ali wanted to argue but they had arrived at Jake's school and could see him and Rachel walking towards them. 

"I'm sorry, Ashlyn, if I'm hurting you by trying not to hurt you."

Ash took a deep breath as if she was about to say something but their son interrupted by opening the back door for Rachel and greeting his parents. 

"Hey, thanks for letting Rachel come over." 

Ashlyn let out the breath she had been holding and answered. "Our pleasure."

Ashlyn continued to have a conversation with the teenagers all the way home, causing Ali to go a little crazy because of their unresolved conversation.

...

"So after a somewhat awkward conversation with Annie, we worked it out for you to come with me tonight. She's gonna stay here with the kids." Ali informed her wife.

"What? No, that's not cool. You're going with Annie." Ash answered.

"Baby, I know what you're trying to do. But I don't want to talk to someone else. I want to talk to you."

"Alex, it's ok. I would rather you talk to Annie if it means you'll be able to share without worrying that I can't handle it."

"Ashlyn, I want you to know that I trust you completely. Not just with my secrets and to keep me safe, but I trust that you're strong enough to help me through whatever struggle I might have. I'm sorry if I've made you think you're not strong or capable of helping me. You're the only one who can." Ali said. She finally figured out that she could trust Ashlyn not to fall apart. 

"Are you sure?" Ash asked.

"Yes." Ali said. "Now where are we going?" 

"I already told you wine tasting with dinner." Ash answered.

"Ok good. Then the outfit I picked out for you should be appropriate."

"You picked out an outfit for me?"

"It's just easier that way." Ali answered.

"Wow, harsh. Tell me how you really feel." Ash said sarcastically as she began to change into the clothes Ali had set out for her.

"Careful what you ask for, wife."

...

After dinner at the Krieger-Harris house. Jake had the idea to take pictures of Rachel and the smaller kids practicing karate moves. She had a brown belt and much more experience than the rest of the group. Rachel's toughness was something Jacob really liked about her.

Samuel and Joey were beyond adorable. Sam thought he should show his friend the proper way to perform the moves because he had more experience. At his age there wasn't much to teach, but he felt like a real ninja instructing his little friend.

"Joey kick high like me." Sam said. Sam jumped a few inches off the ground and kicked and said, "Hi-Ya!"

Joey copied him and seemed to get his young instructor's approval.

"Good job, Joey. You're tough like me." Sam flexed his biceps and Joey did the same. Annie clapped and cheered for the young children.

Rachel took a long time helping Lexi with her kicks. Jacob ended up taking a lot of pictures with the camera his Uncle Kyle gave him of his little sister. He was able to get a great shot of Lexi kicking. Her ballet experience made her better at karate. Her lines and balance were beautiful. Jacob captured that beauty perfectly. 

"Put the camera down and practice with us." Rachel said to Jacob.

"You just want to beat me up. I know how much you like that." Jake joked. The two of them had been sparring partners at their dojo in the past. She was easily the more experienced student. 

"Come on, let's go." Rachel put her hands up in a defensive stance ready to go.

Jake kept taking pictures of her until she started to lightly kick him in the leg. "Come on, Jakey. Put the camera away." Rachel flirted a little more until he finally agreed.

"Fine. But first let me take one more picture." He snapped it just as Rachel broke out in a smile. Her smile reminded him of his Mom. It was beautiful.

Annie watched the two teenagers interact and thought it was the cutest thing. 

...

Ali and Ashlyn returned home around 8:30. Ali was noticeably in a better mood. Ashlyn knew it was for two reasons. Reason number one was that she had a chance to unload some things she had been holding onto all alone. The second reason was because she was a little tipsy. 

Ashlyn let her wife taste all the wine she wanted, including some of her own. She had decided beforehand that she would be the designated driver and limit her wine intake to a few sips, so that Ali was able to let loose and enjoy the evening. 

Ali definitely enjoyed the evening. 

Ali held on tight to Ashlyn's arm to help steady her as they walked from the Jeep to the house. Ali kept a tight grip on her wife long after they had stopped walking.

"Baby, before we do anything else I want to tell you how much I love you." Ali was emotional from the conversation and lack of inhibitions because of the drinking. "You're my best friend. We're like...um..." Ali thought for a moment. "We're like peanut butter and jelly." Ali thought her sentiment was deep. She had no idea she was a little drunk. 

"That's sweet. How about if we put you to bed and I'll take Rachel home?" Ash suggested.

"I have to say goodnight to my babies!" Ali said loudly. Ashlyn couldn't help but laugh.

"You can say goodnight after you change out of these clothes." Ashlyn said. She figured she could get their guests out of the house before Ali had a chance to possibly embarrass her oldest son. She could only imagine what sentimental, slightly drunk Ali might say to Jacob's crush.

"You are so smart." Ali said. She pulled her wife in for a kiss and was ready to take her clothes off right then and there.

"Thank you." Ashlyn laughed. "Let's continue this after I get back, ok? You head upstairs and I'll meet you there." Ash instructed. 

Ali gave her wife an over exaggerated wink and pointed at her saying, "You got it, hot stuff."

Ash couldn't help but laugh again. "I'll see you soon, Beautiful." Ash gave Ali a kiss on the cheek and a little pat on the butt to signal she needed to get going. 

Ali tried to do a sexy walk as she went away, but her lack of balance made it look like she had an injury. She turned around at the bottom of the steps and gave her wife her own version of blowing a seductive kiss. 

Ashlyn thought it looked more like a fish trying to spit in slow motion, but she appreciated the sentiment. Her wife was one in a million.


	123. Break (Part One)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains a prompt request and the beginning of another one.

Ali had been away for a couple of days for a Nike photo shoot in Los Angeles. She loved it because she was able to spend an afternoon with her brother, but she was dying to see her family.

When she arrived home she was surprised to find her friend Annie babysitting her children. She wondered where her wife was.

"Hey, Annie. What are you doing here?" Ali asked.

"Ash asked me if I could hang out for awhile. She said she had an appointment she needed to be at." Annie replied.

"She didn't tell me about an appointment." Ali walked to their kitchen to check the family calendar that was on the fridge. She kept track of all the kids' practices and everyone's activities. Ashlyn's day seemed clear.

"She had your Dad take her." Annie said. The way she said it made Ali think Annie knew more than she was saying.

"My Dad?" Ali asked. She thought about why her wife would need someone else to drive her to where ever it was she needed to go.

"Yeah, he came and picked her up." 

"Do you know where she went?" Ali asked.

"It's probably better if she told you." Annie's answer was not comforting.

"Annie, she's my wife. You can tell me. Ash and I don't have any secrets." Ali said. When she heard her own words it dawned on her where her wife was. "You know what, don't worry about it. I don't want you to feel like you're in an awkward position. Can you keep your eye on the kids for a few more minutes? I'm gonna run upstairs for just a second." 

"Sure."

Ali literally ran upstairs. She hadn't even greeted her children yet. She knew something was wrong and she couldn't wait to find out.

She sat down on Ashlyn's side of their bed and pulled out her phone. She called Ashlyn and waited until it went to voicemail. She tried to keep her cool when leaving the message. "Hey Babe, I'm home. I miss you and I love you. Call me when you can."

Ali hung up. 

She took a deep breath and opened the top drawer of Ashlyn's nightstand and pulled out her journal. She pressed the notebook against her heart and with her eyes closed she prayed, "Please be ok."

She opened her eyes and then opened Ashlyn's journal. 

...

Ali's tears made the ink blur and bleed down the paper. She tried to wipe it with her hand but it only made it worse. She had told Annie that she would only be a few minutes but it had been at least 20. She was thankful Annie was a good friend. She knew she would understand.

Ali's thoughts were all over the place. She was shocked. She was hurting for her wife. She wanted to protect Ashlyn. She wished she could get vengeance on the people who had hurt her. 

Her thoughts and tears were interrupted by the sound of a throat clearing. She looked up at the person standing at the door.

"It's been a rough day." Ashlyn said.

Ali laid the book down and rushed to her wife. Ali hugged her. But she honestly didn't know who was holding whom. Ashlyn seemed calm. Ali was the one who was hysterical.

"Sorry I wasn't here when you got home." Ashlyn apologized.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here last night." Ali said. It was the previous night's entry that had brought on Ali's tears and caused Ashlyn to make an emergency appointment with her therapist.

"It's not your fault." Ashlyn said. Her voice was even and quiet. Ashlyn was compartmentalizing her pain. She had pushed it down, away from the surface. 

Ali couldn't blame her. She had three children to take care of by herself. She couldn't afford to break down.

"Ashlyn, it is my fault. I should've known not to leave right now. You were just starting to get better."

"I am still getting better. I'm just taking the long way." Ashlyn said through a sad laugh. She stepped away from their embrace and picked up the notebook and threw it across the room. "I hate that thing."

Ali mentally told herself to pull it together and be a supportive wife. She had Ashlyn sit down so that she could rub her shoulders. "What did your therapist say?" 

"She said that these thoughts could be a side-effect of my medication." Ashlyn had written that she was feeling like her sadness had swallowed her up and she was struggling to face another day. She wrote that she wished it would end, one way or another. "Can you believe that? A medication that is supposed to make you feel less depressed can make you feel worse about yourself? It doesn't make any sense." 

Ali felt like she was in over her head. She didn't want to say the wrong thing. "What did she say you should do?"

"Ride it out. She said tomorrow might be better." Ashlyn laid down on their bed and stared at the ceiling. "It's hard. She wants me to deal with all this stuff, but ignore this feeling." Ash rolled onto her side so she was facing Ali. "I don't know how to do that. I've felt this way before. When I was really young, I used to think it would be better if I wasn't around. But I was a kid. I had nothing good going for me. That's not me anymore. I know that. But for some reason..." Ashlyn stopped. She didn't want to disappoint or scare Ali. 

"Baby, go on." Ali laid next to her and took her hand in her own.

"I don't know how to explain it. I don't really want to." Ashlyn closed the small gap between them and pressed her face into Ali's chest. Ali wrapped her up in the safety of her arms and let a quiet comfort rest in the air.

She held her for a few minutes and made sure to calm her own breathing so that her wife could focus on her steady breaths and heartbeat. Once they both seemed to relax she spoke.

"Baby, thank you for getting help today. I know it would've been easy to try to ignore it and suffer. Thank you for making the effort. I know it's hard." Ali said. She rubbed Ashlyn's back and laid kisses on the top of her head.

"I'm trying." Ashlyn mumbled into her wife's shirt.

"I know. Where are you at right now? Do you need to be alone? Should I get someone to take the kids? What do you want, Sweetheart?"

"I want you." Ashlyn tightened her grip on her wife.

"You've got me. You've always got me." Ali said. "I'll have my Dad take the kids. Then we can do whatever you want."

Ali knows that sometimes Ashlyn struggles to get out of bed. She wanted her to be able to do whatever she wanted to do, or not do, for that matter.

"Alex, I'm ok." Ash sat up to look her wife in the eye. "I'm ok. We don't need to ship our kids off with your Dad. I might be a little sad, but I want to be with our family." Ashlyn said.

"Ok. I think we can arrange that." Ali said and gave her wife a sweet smile. 

Ashlyn was already feeling better just by having her wife home. She felt like things were more manageable with Ali around.

...

"Is Mama having a bad day?" Jacob asked Ali. They were in the kitchen getting snacks for the family and guests.

"Yeah, she's had a rough day but it's getting better." Ali answered. "You don't need to worry, Sweetheart. She's feeling a little down, but she's ok. I promise."

"I was surprised she didn't pick me up from school. She said it was ok for Rachel to come over today and that she would take us to get ice cream on the way home. When Annie came I didn't want to ask, but now I feel bad because I didn't take Rachel for ice cream like I promised." Jacob complained.

"I'm sorry it didn't work out, but it's not the end of the world." Ali kissed her son's cheek and left him holding a bowl of popcorn and wishing his Mom was a little more sympathetic to his teenage feelings.

Ali passed out the drinks and took a seat next to her wife. She wasn't going to go anywhere too far from her. She felt horrible that she hadn't been with her during her hardest hours of the day, but she was here now and Ashlyn was safe.

Ashlyn saw that her son still hadn't returned from the kitchen. She excused herself to go check on him. 

"Ash, where are you going? Stay with me." Ali pulled on one of the belt loops of Ashlyn's jeans.

"I'll be right back." Ash replied. She knew how protective her wife was. She didn't mind her hovering at the moment.

Ashlyn found Jake sulking in the kitchen. "What's up, man?" Ash asked.

"Nothing." Jake answered. He started to walk past her but Ashlyn stopped him. 

"Hey, are you upset about something?"

"It doesn't matter." Jake answered.

"It matters to me." Ashlyn said. Her son's happiness was a big concern of her's.

"It's just that you said you would take me and Rachel to get ice cream. Now I feel like I let her down." Jacob answered.

"Oh." Ashlyn felt immediate guilt for disappointing her son. "Sorry about that. I forgot."

"It's ok. It's not the end of the world." Jake repeated Ali from earlier.

"That's true. But it still sucks."

"Yeah." Jacob was glad at least someone agreed with him.

"Look, why don't you make her an ice cream cone now. And you can take her outside and have a little private time while your Mom and I keep the younger kids out of your way." Ashlyn suggested.

"Really?" Jacob was shocked that his Mama was giving him and his 'almost' girlfriend permission to skip a family activity.

"Really. I owe it to you. Plus we always have ice cream in this house. It's a family rule." Ashlyn said. She thought for a moment and then came up with an even better idea. "Actually, why don't you get your Mom's famous brownies and heat two up. Break them up into pieces and then put ice cream and chocolate sauce on them. She'll forget all about a missed trip to get ice cream. Trust me."

"Great idea! Thanks!" Jacob was feeling better already.

"Sometimes romance has to be creative. You have to think of ways to use every day things to let a girl know you like her." Ash said.

"We're just friends. It's not romantic."

"Whatever you say, son."

...

"So, my brother had an idea." Ali said. She wasn't sure of what her wife's reaction would be. During any other time it wouldn't be a problem, but with their upcoming soccer schedule she didn't think her wife would go for it.

"What's his idea?" Ash asked. She was holding a sleeping Samuel and Joey in her arms. The women were the only ones left watching the cartoon movie they had started for the kids. Lexi was playing with Jacob and Rachel outside and Annie had left to run a few errands.

"He thinks you and I should take a little mini vacation....for a couple of days." Ali said. She was playing with a strand of her wife's long blonde hair. She kept her gaze on the hair and waited to hear her wife's response.

"I think that's a great idea, but now isn't the best time for that." 

"Baby, I know what you're thinking. But we've both been pushing too hard. I think a few days off will only strengthen our soccer conditioning." Ali finally looked up at Ashlyn with her big golden brown eyes. She was pleading with her wife to take a break.

"I don't know, Alex. We've made a lot of sacrifices to get as close as we are now. Maybe being a little stressed out is one more sacrifice we have to make. I don't want to get this close and then blow it." Ashlyn said. She knew her wife was right about them needing a break, but she didn't see it happening any time soon.

"Ash, think about it. When else are we going to be able to do this? Are we going to wait until after the World Cup? Can you make it that long? I'll be honest with you, I'm not sure I can."

"Are you feeling bad, too?" Ashlyn felt guilty for not noticing and for only focusing on herself.

"No, not like what you're thinking. I've been overwhelmed, though. I think a break away to recharge would be really good for my emotional health." Everything Ali said was true, but she also knew that Ash would be more willing to take a break if it was good for Ali.

Ashlyn chewed on her bottom lip for a few moments and then asked, "Where would we go?" 

"I haven't quite figured that out yet. But I did figure that if we go this weekend we can leave after a morning workout at the gym, have a full rest day to relax, and then get a workout in the next night. That's almost two and a half full days of nothing but relaxation. Plus we won't miss a workout. That's a good plan, if you ask me." Ali wanted to give herself a pat on the back for figuring all that out.

"That is a pretty good plan." Ash admitted.

"So are you in?"

"Yeah, I guess." Ash answered. She didn't sound very excited.

"Yeah, you guess?" Ali matched Ashlyn's dull tone. "Baby, you gotta be all in!"

"Fine! I'm all in!" Ashlyn faked excitement for the sake of her wife. It's the best that she could do for now. 

Hopefully tomorrow would be better.

...

"So, you're adopted, huh?" Rachel surprised Jacob with the question.

"What?" Jake looked around and saw his little sister playing with Monster nearby. 

"You're ado..." Rachel started to ask again but was silenced by Jacob's hand over her mouth.

"Come on." Jake took her by the hand and led her into the tree house for some privacy. He knew his parents wouldn't want him alone with her for too long, but he could probably get away with a few minutes.

"What's wrong?" Rachel asked. "Sorry if I offended you or something. I figured you're old enough to know where babies come from and since you have two moms....you know?"

"It's fine. Yeah, I'm adopted. But Lex and Sam don't know that. I mean, they know I'm adopted but they don't know they are too." Jake tried to explain.

"Ok, I get it. So, it's a big secret." 

"Just for now."

"They're gonna figure it out soon. I mean, the three of you are a little darker than them. I'm guessing you have some Latin roots?" 

"Mexican." Jake answered. "My Mom was Mexican. Lex and Sam are my biological brother and sister. Our so-called parents got sick of us, I guess. Anyway, we got separated and my real parents..." Jake was referring to Ali and Ashlyn. "...adopted them. Then they found me not too long ago, and adopted me too."

"That's cool." Rachel wasn't fazed at all by the magnitude of the confession Jake had dropped on her. She was used to family drama. She had some of her own. "I like how you have two Moms. My Mom died. She was pregnant with my little brother. Someone stabbed her and took her purse. Both her and the baby died. The police caught the guy and he said that my Mom put up a fight." 

"You must get your toughness from her." Jake said.

"Maybe." She said sadly. Both of them were not used to feeling sad around each other. This was new territory for them.

"I'm sorry that happened." Jacob said. He put an arm around his friend and let her put her head on his shoulder. He didn't know what else to do. He felt like he should try to say or do more, but Rachel thought his kindness and comfort were perfect.

...

When Annie arrived to pick up Joey Ali had to wake up her wife and the two adorable four year olds sleeping in her lap. 

"Baby, can you gather all of Joey's stuff so Annie doesn't have to wait too long?" Ali asked her sleepy wife.

"Yeah." Ash said through a yawn.

Ali used the opportunity to ask for Annie's help in taking care of the children and their schedules over the weekend. Ali was determined to get her wife to relax.

Annie was glad to help out. Now all Ali had to do was plan the get-away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The second part of this storyline will include Ali and Ashlyn's getaway. I thought it might be fun to open it up for you guys to be involved with the story. 
> 
> Sooooo...consider this a "Name your adventure" sort of thing and comment your ideas of where Ali should take Ashlyn.
> 
> I will choose an idea that sounds fun or romantic and makes the most sense. Remember it's a weekend trip so they can't go to the other side of the world or anything.


	124. Break (Part Two)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. Some of you who read the last chapter the first couple of hours it was posted, read an early version. It was unedited and didn't include a short part at the end. Sorry about that. I fixed it as soon as I noticed I had posted the wrong version.
> 
> 2\. This chapter contains one of the ideas that was shared yesterday. There will be at least one more chapter including some of the other ideas, too. Thank you everyone for sharing your great ideas and kind comments.

"My sweet babies!" Ali said as she smashed all of her kids together in a big hug. 

"Babe, don't suffocate our children with your love." Ashlyn said. She was on her way to put their bags in Ali's car.

"I can't help it. They're so beautiful. Look at these faces!" Ali loosened her grip on the children and squeezed each of the children's faces and then gave them all a kiss.

"Mama, I go with you?" Samuel asked Ashlyn.

"You can come out with me to the car." Ashlyn answered. She picked the boy up and carried him along with one of their bags. Sam's presence slowed down her progress but it was worth it to her.

After their third trip Ashlyn tried to set Sam down in his chair at the table. "Bam, you need to sit down so you can eat." Samuel was not having any of it. He held on tight to his Mama's neck.

"No. I wanna sit with you." Sam laid his head down on his Mama's shoulder and made it impossible for her to say no.

"Ok, Sam-Bam. I'll let you sit in my lap but you have to eat your breakfast. Deal?" Ash said.

"Deal!" Sam perked up and saluted his Mama. He immediately obeyed and began to eat Ashlyn's breakfast. She wasn't going to complain. She was grateful for the extra cuddle time with her little boy.

"Mama, where are you going?" Lexi asked.

"I don't know yet, Princess. Mommy hasn't told me." Ashlyn answered.

"I know where you're going." Jacob said with a mouthful of Ali's famous breakfast burritos. 

"Oh yeah?" Ashlyn asked. She was ready to find out what her wife had planned.

"He knows but he's not going to tell you." Ali chimed in. She gave her wife some more bacon since their youngest son had eaten all of her's. She gave both Ash and Sam a quick peck on the lips before joining them at the table.

"Babe, why do we need so many bags? Sam and I just about broke our backs carrying them out. Right, Bam?" Ash nudged the boy to agree with her. He was too busy eating the rest of her bacon to answer.

Ali took a piece from her own plate and fed it to Ashlyn before answering. "Don't you worry your pretty little head about the luggage. I pack, you carry. That's the deal." 

"Yeah, yeah." Ash replied.

Her favorite four year old copied her and said, "Yeah, yeah Mommy."

Ali rolled her eyes at the two best buds and went on eating her breakfast. She knew her wife wouldn't be complaining once their mini vacation started. 

"Jacob, I'm going to need you to be extra helpful while Annie and Joey are here. If she needs any help finding things or putting these guys to bed." Ali pointed to Lex and Sam. "Please try to help out without her asking."

"No, problem." Jake answered.

"And don't even ask her if Rachel can come over. She has enough kids to worry about." Ali added.

"I know." Jake answered a little annoyed that she would bring Rachel up.

Ashlyn saw his frustration and tried to smooth things over. "He'll see her at school today and karate class tomorrow. I think he'll manage." Ashlyn winked at her older son. He smiled in return and his face got a little red.

"Mommy, why don't I get to have my friends come over?" Lexi asked.

"You can have friends over, Sweetheart. When your Mama and I get back we'll plan something. Think about who you want to invite." Ali said. 

"Can we have a dance party, Mama?" Lexi asked Ashlyn. Ashlyn always loved to have dance offs, or dance parties with her children. 

"Sure." Ash answered. "I just hope your friends aren't jealous of my moves."

"I don't think we have to worry about that." Ali teased.

"Whatever! Sam-Bam, do you like my moves?" Ashlyn was sure she would find an ally in her son.

"Umm..." The boy hesitated to answer. Ali couldn't take it. For the first time in history Samuel didn't immediately agree with his Mama. 

"It looks like our four year old knows what's up." Ali gave him a high five and gave her wife a very smug 'I told you so' sort of look.

"Whatever. Ya'll can be mean to me if you want, I don't care." Ash turned her head away from Ali and Sam and pretended to be hurt. Sam turned around in her lap and hugged her neck tightly.

"I'm not mean, Mama." He said.

"You don't like my dancing." Ash whined playfully. 

"I like your dancing, Mama." The little boy confessed.

"You do?" Ash asked.

"Yee-up! It's my favorite." Sam squashed their faces together and held her in a tight hug.

Once Ash managed to pry her face off of Samuel's she gave her wife her own version of the 'I told you so' look and smiled.

Ali rolled her eyes and scoffed at the duo. Team Awesome was impenetrable.

...

After Lexi left on her school bus, Ash and Ali had to drop their boys off at school. Ali took Samuel, to avoid a dramatic scene. 

Her youngest son had a hard time saying good-bye to Ashlyn on a regular school day, when they would be separated for only a few hours. She didn't think either Sam nor Ashlyn could handle a good-bye that had to last a couple of days.

Ashlyn took her oldest son to school and leaned over the center console of her Jeep to give him a kiss on the cheek. "Love you, son." 

"Love you too, Mama. Have fun with Mom." Jake smiled. Ali included him on the trip planning and he knew Ashlyn was going to love it. Jacob opened the car door and started to step out when his Mama stopped him.

"Son, hold up a sec." Ash said as she reached over and grabbed his arm.

"What's up?" Jake gave his Mama his full attention.

"Why haven't you made things official with Rachel, yet?" Ash asked.

Jacob rolled his eyes. "You're as bad as Mom." 

"What does that mean?" 

"She always wants to know all the gossip." Jake explained.

"Yeah, that's true. I don't want to know all the gossip. I just want to know about my son." Ash clarified.

"Well, I think she likes me." 

Ash cut him off right there. "She definitely likes you." 

Jake blushed and continued. "I guess I haven't asked her yet because I want to make sure Mom approves. I mean, I know you do, but she hasn't really said much since the first time Rach came over." 

"Your Mom approves. She likes Rachel a lot. Don't worry about her." 

"I don't know." Jake said. "I don't really want to talk about this, right now." Jake ducked his head down and slipped his back pack strap over his shoulder and walked toward the entrance of his school.

"Love you....Make good choices!" Ash joked as she waved at her embarrassed son. She was really gonna miss that kid.

...

Ashlyn ran into their empty house to use the bathroom before they left. "I gotta pee. Get out of the way, woman!" 

Ash ran to the guest bathroom and relieved the stress that had built up in her bladder.

"You're ridiculous!" Ali yelled in the direction of her wife. She made a final sweep through the house to make sure they didn't forget anything and that everything was clean for Annie and Joey.

"Hey, Babe." Ash snuck up behind Ali and poked her side causing her to jump.

Ali playfully smacked her in the arm. "You scared me."

"Do you need me to do anything else to get ready?" Ash asked.

"You could've peed at the gym so that we would be on the road by now, but...whatever." Ali sassed.

"I didn't have to go then." Ash answered.

Ali let out a loud sigh and said, "Well, now I gotta pee." She gave her wife one more smack, but this time it was on her butt. Ali headed to the bathroom and left Ashlyn to try and figure out what her wife had planned for them.

...

After an hour of driving Ashlyn finally figured it out. "We're going to a cabin?" Ash asked.

"Yes. What gave you that idea? The fact that we're driving out in the middle of nowhere and there are a bunch of cabins around?" Ali sarcastically teased her wife.

"Ok, Miss Sassy. No need to get feisty." Ash thought better and corrected herself. "Actually, you can get feisty all you want later....if you know what I mean."

Ali couldn't help but smile at her goofy wife. She could've replied back with a snarky remark but she couldn't do it. Ashlyn melted her heart. She was in too sentimental of a state to say anything but the truth.

"Baby, I love you." 

Ashlyn noticed the shift of the mood in the car. She reached for her wife's hand and returned the sentiment. "I love you, too"

Ali found the address she was looking for a few more miles down the road. She pulled into the long dirt drive way of a quaint lakefront cabin. 

"This place is um....rustic." Ash said. She was trying to find the right word to describe what she was looking at. 

"I know what you're thinking." Ali said. "I first started looking at some fancy bed and breakfast places that would wait on us hand and foot. But I knew you would prefer something like this. Simple, beautiful, and private." Ali explained.

"Thanks, Babe." Ash said. 

Ali watched her wife take in the wooded beauty around her and knew she made the right decision. 

Ashlyn breathed in the crisp clean air and smiled when she saw a dock with a small boat tied to it. "Can we use that?" Ash asked pointing at the boat.

"Yeah." Ali answered.

"Awesome." Ashlyn whispered.

Ali did good.

...

After the couple had unpacked and snacked on a few items Ali had brought in a cooler, they took a ride in the boat and did some exploring around the lake. 

Ali let her wife drive the boat and tried to hide her fear when she thought Ashlyn was going too fast. What Ali didn't know was that Ashlyn was purposely driving fast to scare her.

She wanted to make Ali scream. 

...

That night as it started getting dark, Ali instructed Ashlyn to build a fire by the lake. 

"We can build a fire?" Ash asked.

"Yes, Baby. I wouldn't ask you to do something unless it was ok to do." Ali answered. She laughed a little at how her wife sounded like a child. She was super excited to catch stuff on fire.

Ali brought a few blankets and some wine out to where Ashlyn was building a fire. She also had a bag filled with s'mores ingredients.

"Whatcha got there, Beautiful?" Ashlyn asked and nodded towards the bag her wife had set down on the ground.

"S'mores and wine. The best combination ever." Ali said. She poured her wife a glass of wine to get the evening started right. 

Ashlyn took a quick sip but went back to feeding wood to the fire. She wanted to make sure it kept burning long enough for her and her wife to really enjoy it.

Once she was satisfied with the flame size she gave her wife all of her attention. Ali had spread out a blanket for them to lie on and had a several pillows to make things more comfortable. She had a few marshmallows poked onto the tops of small sticks ready for roasting. 

"Are you ready for a little dessert?" Ali asked while holding up the marshmallows. 

"Definitely. But you can put those marshmallows away. I've got my own ideas for dessert." Ashlyn said smoothly. Ali thought it was a cheesy line but she let it go. 

She was starving to taste her wife's lips. 

...

Ali and Ashlyn laid naked beneath a blanket. Ashlyn held Ali in her arms and stared at the stars above. Ali focused on the fire and the warmth that it was providing to the bottom of her feet.

"It's so clear out tonight." Ashlyn said. She took a deep breath and let the cool air fill her lungs.

"This is nice." Ali said. She hugged her wife a little tighter to let her know what she was referring too.

"You like hanging out naked with me, Babe?" Ash joked.

"It just happens to be my all time favorite thing." Ali said. 

"Mmm...mine, too." Ashlyn kissed the top of her wife's head and breathed in the scent of her hair.

"Ash, you know I love you, right?" Ali's tone had changed. She sounded worried.

"Yeah, of course. Why would you even ask?" Ashlyn asked.

"Because I don't ever want you to doubt that I love you." Ali said. As much fun and romance that they were having, it could not make Ali forget the thoughts of hopelessness her wife had admitted to having recently. 

"I don't doubt it." Ash whispered. She knew why her wife was talking like this. "Ali you haven't done anything wrong. I'm not questioning whether I'm loved or not. Between you and the kids I'm the most loved person in the world." 

Ali sighed and kissed her wife's chest. "Baby, I hate it when you're hurting."

"Alex, I don't want to talk about it. Let's just enjoy our time together." Ashlyn said.

Ashlyn sat up and made sure to cover herself with one of the extra blankets. Even though they were alone and miles away from anyone else, Ashlyn felt too exposed.

Ashlyn's movement caused Ali to have to sit up, too. She felt cold from the sudden separation.

"Sweetheart, you made me talk about what was bothering me a few days ago, and it helped a lot." Ali said.

Ashlyn crossed her arms over her chest, holding the blanket close to her. She leaned in toward the fire. She watched the flames consume the wood and kindling. She felt like her sadness was like the fire, but instead of wood, it was consuming her.

"Baby, please don't shut me out." Ali whispered into her wife's ear. She moved to sit behind her and put her arms around her waist. She pulled her into her chest and held on for dear life.

"I'm not trying to. I don't want to ruin things. Everything is perfect. Why do we have to talk about it?" Ash said.

"Because it's important." Ali said. She placed her chin on Ashlyn's shoulder and tipped her head slightly to the side to rest against Ashlyn's head.

"It's never gonna get better. It doesn't matter if I talk about it or not." Ashlyn said just above a whisper.

"Baby, don't say that. It will get better. Your therapist told you that it would feel really bad for a while, but it will eventually get better." 

"I know that. But it's not just that...I'm always gonna have this extra baggage that I carry around. I'm tired of it. I hate it!" Ash said. The fire she was staring at began to blur as tears filled her eyes.

"I know, Sweetheart. I wish I could take it all away. I wish I could fix it for you." 

"I don't think it can be fixed." Ash whispered. 

Ali wanted to argue, but she knew her wife was right. There are some things that never leave you. 

"It can't be fixed, but it can be managed. That's the goal, right? To use this stuff somehow for good? I feel like that's what's important, to take control of it so that it doesn't control you." Ali said and kissed her wife's cheek.

"It's not just the junk from my past, though. It's this stupid anxiety and depression thing. My brain and emotions betray me just when I think I've got it beat. And I never know when it's coming. I wish I could just move on." Ashlyn explained.

"Ashlyn, don't give up. No matter what. You know you're not facing this alone. So don't even try to do it alone. You have to talk to me." Ali said.

Ashlyn nodded in agreement. She needed her wife. She was grateful to have someone as understanding and patient as Ali.

"There is one thing I've been wanting to tell you." Ashlyn said. She cleared her throat and gathered the courage to share her heart.

"You can tell me anything." Ali whispered. 

"I feel...I feel like...." Ash cleared her throat and turned to face her wife. "I feel like it's time to make the s'mores." Ashlyn cracked a smile and lost it when Ali broke out into a fit of laughter.

Ashlyn and Ali couldn't deny that in the middle of the hardships of life, joy would always be present. As long as they were together.


	125. Break (Part Three)

Ali woke up to the sound of her wife snoring quietly. Ashlyn was lying face down with her limbs spread out in all directions covering the bed and most of Ali. She didn't mind one bit. Ashlyn hadn't had a good night sleep in a long time. 

Ali had planned to get up earlier and take Ashlyn out for breakfast to start the day, but she didn't have the heart to wake her. She seemed more peaceful than she had been in a long time. 

Watching her wife sleep so soundly released a lot of the tension and stress that Ali had been carrying herself. Sometimes she felt like her number one job was to worry about her wife and children, and it was exhausting.

By noon Ashlyn had moved sideways on the bed with her head resting on Ali's stomach. Ali was starving but toughed it out to let her wife sleep. Her body, however, could only take so much. 

It was, as Ashlyn would later describe it, as if a hungry lion was living in Ali's belly. Ali's stomach growled and rumbled into the blonde's ear. Ashlyn began to stir and become conscious. 

She found herself with her legs hanging off the side of the bed and her arms clinging tightly to her wife, to keep herself from falling. She checked for her wife's eyes and sure enough they were open. Ashlyn's mini-sleep vacation had to come to an end.

...

"Why didn't you wake me?" Ashlyn asked. She was hurrying to get dressed. Her wife seemed anxious to leave for their next adventure. 

"Because you needed the sleep." Ali answered. She was packing a bag and frantically searching the room.

"What are you looking for?" Ash asked. 

"Everything." 

"What? Were you drinking while I was asleep? You're not making any sense." 

"I wasn't drinking." Ali answered. "For your information I haven't had anything to drink or eat since I woke up about four hours ago." 

"Alright. No need to get snippy. Let's get you some breakfast. Or lunch." Ash said. She was ready to get going but it seemed like her wife wasn't. 

"Baby, I need you to take these two bags out to the car...and can you take the cooler too?" Ali said.

"Are we leaving? That's almost everything." Ash asked.

"It is everything, if you include the bag I'm carrying out once I finish packing it." Ali replied.

"What's going on? Are we leaving already? Is there an emergency at home?"

Ali could see her wife begin to panic. She knew she couldn't keep all the trip details to herself. "Everything is fine. This was the plan. You're going to like our next stop, but we really need to hustle if we're going to get there on time."

Ali pulled out a few items from the bag she had started to pack the night before and tossed them to Ashlyn. 

"We're going swimming?" Ash asked. She held up the bikini top her wife had thrown at her.

"Maybe, maybe not. Just change...and hurry." Ali said.

"Yes, ma'am." Ashlyn started to strip off her clothes right away. She was more than happy to oblige her bossy wife.

...

Ali and Ashlyn both had on their swimming suits. Ash had on swimming trunks and Ali had on a pair of shorts to cover her bikini bottoms. Both wore a tank top to finish the tourist outfit of someone expecting to get wet at some point in the day.

Ali picked up lunch at a fast food drive-thru on the way to their next destination. 

"Are fries on our diet, now?" Ashlyn asked.

"It is when we are running late and I'm starving." Ali answered. She took a bite of her cheeseburger and pressed down on the gas pedal a little harder.

"I told you we could've had marshmallows for breakfast. It would've saved some time." Ash popped a marshmallow in her mouth and stuffed in a handful of fries too.

"Disgusting." Ali replied. She could never understand some of the food combinations her wife chose. 

About forty minutes later Ali pulled into the parking lot of the Baltimore Aquarium. Ashlyn lit up with excitement.

"Are you serious?" Ashlyn put her hands on Ali's dash board and stretched forward to get a better view.

Ali couldn't help but smile at her wife's joy. She was glad she knew her so well. She loved providing opportunities like this that awakened Ashlyn's inner child.

Ali parked and brought a small bag in with her. Ashlyn didn't think anything of it, because Ash never thinks anything of things like that.

"Baby, we have to be somewhere first. And then we can take our time and look around." Ali instructed.

"Ok, captain!" Ashlyn saluted Ali. It reminded her of their youngest boy. She was starting to miss their children.

Ali led Ashlyn to the dolphin exhibit. Ash immediately went to the edge of the water and started to look for the dolphins. Ali found the man in charge of the exhibit and spoke to him for a few moments. She introduced him to her wife.

"Ash, this is Jason. He's in charge of this area."

The two shook hands and Jason began to explain why they were there.

"Your wife says you've always wanted to be a dolphin trainer." Jason said.

Ashlyn got a little embarrassed talking to someone who was an actual dolphin trainer.

"Yeah, I love them so much. They're beautiful and strong...and really smart." Ash answered.

"Well, today you're gonna get a chance to." Jason said.

Ashlyn was confused and Ali was beaming. 

"What do you mean?" Ashlyn asked.

Ali answered. "Ash, they have this thing called The Dolphin Experience. You get to swim with them." 

"Are you serious?" Ashlyn lit up. She had never dreamed her wife would be able to pull something like this off.

"Totally serious. I brought extra clothes for us to change into so we won't be uncomfortable and cold afterwards." Ali slightly lifted up the bag she was carrying. "We're all set."

"Let's get started." Jason interrupted with a grin.

"Let's do this!" Ashlyn was ready to live out one of her dreams.

...

After swimming with dolphins and touring the rest of the aquarium, Ali had another surprise up her sleeve. She hurried her wife back to their car.

"Babe, this was awesome." Ashlyn said. She was still overflowing with happiness from the experience. 

"I'm glad you like it." Ali said. She had her own happiness spilling out of her, as well. 

"I feel a little bad, though. This is your vacation too." 

"I knew you would say that. Don't worry. You won't feel bad when you see the next stop." Ali patted her wife's thigh and left it at that.

...

After a long day at the aquarium both women were ready to be pampered. Their next stop was a fancy bed and breakfast inn. After dinner the women took a walk through the beautiful trees that spread throughout the property. 

The women walked hand-in-hand and took in the beauty of the leaves that we're starting to change colors. 

"This is really beautiful, Al." Ashlyn said after several minutes of peaceful quiet.

"Yeah....it is." Ali was just as taken by the scenery as her wife.

"Thank you, Alex." Ash said. She tightened her grip on Ali's hand to get her attention.

Ali gave Ashlyn her full focus.

"This has been amazing. I really do feel better. Thank you...for everything." Ashlyn dropped her wife's hand and took her with both hands by the waist. She pulled her in close and kissed her.

Ali hummed a sound of approval and let her wife continue to thank her. It wasn't until they heard someone whistle at them in the distance that they remembered they were in public.

"How about if we finish this in our room?" Ash suggested.

"Sounds perfect." All answered.

That night they finished what they had started and then started again a few more times. 

...

After a huge delicious breakfast, Ali and Ashlyn were ready to pack up and go home. They missed their children and couldn't wait to see them.

"Ash, are you up for one more stop on the way home? It will probably be a couple of hours at the most." Ali asked.

"Yeah, sure. Whatever you want." Ashlyn said. She had learned a long time ago that if her wife had something planned it was usually a good plan. "Do I have to wait to find out where we're going, or can you tell me now?" Ash asked.

"We're going apple picking. I figured we could spend a little more time alone together, and then take the apples home and make pies with the children. I miss them and it would be fun to bake together." Ali explained.

"That's a great idea. But an even better idea might be for me to watch you guys bake so that no one gets injured and the food doesn't get ruined." Ashlyn joked.

She meant to get a laugh out of her wife, but she was also being serious. Ashlyn and the kitchen had an agreement. It wouldn't hurt her or crush her dreams as long as she stayed out of it.

"I promise no one will get hurt. You can help Sam with the four year old cooking jobs. If he can do it, you can do it." Ali encouraged her wife.

Ashlyn knew better. She knew that if there was even the smallest chance of something getting messed up or injured, it would happen to her. There was no doubt in her mind.

...

Apple picking was a success. Ashlyn got in trouble a few times for throwing rotten apples at her wife. Ali shocked her by tackling her in public to get her to stop. Ashlyn never thought her well-behaved wife would do that. She loved it.

The return home was a celebration. Annie could tell that both women looked rested and refreshed. The children were ecstatic to see their parents. Ashlyn, Lex, and Sam had a dance party that night to let outs some of their extra energy.

Ali and the children made a pie with some of the apples. She told Ashlyn and Samuel to roll out the dough for the crust. Ali figured there was no way they could get hurt doing that. She kept an eye on Jacob who was cutting the apples and had an actual chance of getting hurt.

It was the cry of pain from her wife that pulled her attention away from her son. Samuel had accidentally smashed Ashlyn's thumb with the heavy rolling pin. The two of them had stared imagining that the dough was a monstrous creature that would grow and swallow you up. Their job as the Monster Force was to keep it thin and smooth. 

Sam was listening to the exciting story his Mama was telling about the Dough Monster filling the streets with itself and chasing little children who he wanted to eat. (This is the part where Ashlyn made a joke about having 'tiny human pie' and Ali scolded her.)

Ashlyn said that her and Sam had their mighty rolling pin and would save the children who weren't able to run to safety. 

At this point in the story Sam was filled with heroic strength and lifted his mighty rolling pin high in the sky and brought it down hard against the dough. This was also the time when Ashlyn's thumb got smashed.

After a bag of frozen peas had been applied to the injury, Ali had the six year old supervise the four year old and gave Ashlyn the night off.


	126. The Letter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. This is a FLASHBACK chapter. 
> 
> 2\. The letter mentioned in this update is from chapter 70. It might help for you to read it again. (It's at the very end of the chapter)
> 
> 3\. This chapter contains a prompt request. Thank you for reading. I hope it was worth the wait.

FLASHBACK 

"Baby, pizza's here!" Ali yelled across her German apartment to her fiancé.

"The money's in my wallet." Ash yelled back. She was in Ali's bedroom looking for her favorite hoodie.

Ali grabbed the wallet and met the pizza delivery guy at the door. She pulled out the money and paid the man. She set the pizza down on the kitchen counter and opened Ashlyn's wallet to put in the change. That's when a folded up piece of paper caught her eye.

She could tell it was pretty worn out. It had wrinkles and the top of the paper that stuck out from the wallet was discolored. Her curiosity got the best of her. She quickly checked to make sure Ashlyn wasn't coming and pulled the paper out. 

She immediately felt guilty. She knew Ashlyn probably wouldn't care if she read it, but she wasn't completely sure. She unfolded the paper to find it was a letter addressed to her. Ali's heart started to beat faster. 

She read the first few lines and heard Ashlyn's footsteps. She hurried to return the letter back where she found it. 

Ashlyn's voice rang through the apartment. "Babe, have you seen my UNC sweatshirt? I can't find it anywhere." 

Ali was noticeably uncomfortable.

"You ok?" Ash asked, concerned about her fiancé.

"Um..yeah...uh..." Ali stuttered trying to think of something to say. "I stole it. Sorry, don't hate me."

"Oh, ok. Why didn't you just ask? I don't care. What's mine is your's." Ashlyn said. She was content with Ali's reason for looking nervous and dug in to the pizza box for a slice.

...

Ali struggled for the rest of the night about whether she should ask Ashlyn about the letter or sneak another peak without her knowing. She wanted her fiancé to always be able to trust her, but her curiosity was killing her.

While Ashlyn was in the bathroom getting ready for bed, Ali literally walked in circles around the table where Ashlyn's wallet laid. She debated in her head what to do. For some reason, something more than just her curiosity, she knew she needed to know what that letter said.

She picked up the wallet and held it in both hands. She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths before shaking her head and dropping it back on the table. She couldn't do it. By the time Ashlyn had finished getting ready, Ali was waiting in bed for her.

That night Ashlyn tucked herself into Ali's side and fell asleep. Ali held her and imagined different ways she could sneak out of the room and snoop in her fiancé's stuff. When it all came down to it, she was happy that half of Ashlyn's weight was on top of her. It was as if she was being reminded of the weight of her love and trust for the blonde woman. She couldn't betray her. She couldn't go behind her back. And more practically, she couldn't move without waking her.

She was going to have to wait to find out what the letter said.

...

The next morning Ali decided that she was just going to ask her. She couldn't handle not knowing and she couldn't handle the guilt of going behind her back. It was the only thing she could do and still live with herself.

"Ash?" Ali had a very sleepy fiancé lying next to her.

"Hmm?" Ashlyn hummed a response. She yawned and then rolled into Ali so that her head was back on Ali's shoulder where it started the night before.

"Can I ask you a question?" 

Ashlyn made a grunting sound that resembled an affirmative answer.

"When I paid for the pizza last night I saw a piece of paper in your wallet. I was just wondering what that was." Ali said.

As soon as she asked the question she had been dying to ask, she felt Ashlyn stiffen. Ash knew what she was talking about, but she felt she couldn't tell her.

"Umm..." Ash tried to act tired and groggy, when in fact the question woke her up completely.

"There was a piece of paper. What was that?" Ali asked again.

"Umm...receipts, probably." Ash answered.

Ali wondered why Ashlyn would lie to her. Now she really needed to know what the letter said.

...

Ali sent Ashlyn out to pick up a few groceries for their dinner that night. Before Ash left, Ali made sure to 'lose' Ash's wallet. After a long time of trying to find it, Ali finally gave Ashlyn her own debit card and sent her on her way. 

She pulled Ashlyn's wallet out from behind the frozen vegetables in the freezer and gave it a few minutes to 'thaw out.' What she was really doing was giving herself a few minutes to decide whether or not she was going to betray her fiancé's trust.

After a few moments she rationalized in her head that it was ok for her to read it, because it was addressed to her. Technically it was her letter. She shouldn't feel bad about reading something that belonged to her. At least that's what she told herself, anyway.

Ali carefully unfolded the beat up paper and laid it flat on the table. She smoothed it out and took a deep breath. And then read what Ashlyn had written to her.

...

Ashlyn returned to Ali's apartment to find her fiancé in tears. She didn't have to try to guess why. Ali still had the letter in her hands.

Ashlyn walked over to the table and stood directly across from Ali. "At first I kept it to remind me to let you go. I'd wake up in the middle of the night thinking about you ...and I'd get a horrible ache in my chest. I would tell myself to move on and read that letter over and over again." Ashlyn began to explain.

Ali looked up at her with red, glossy eyes and felt the guilt of her actions like a weight on her chest.

"I guess I never got rid of it because..." Ashlyn paused. She wasn't completely sure of why she didn't get rid of it. "Maybe part of me still believes it's true...That I can't make you happy. Maybe one day you'll realize that, too. And then I'll pull it out and find some kind of sick comfort in knowing that it always had to be this way." 

Ali closed her eye and bowed her head down. She had the paper in her hands and held it against her heart. Ashlyn had filled her in on the details of what had happened to her during the time that letter was written. Ali blamed herself for the things she endured.

"Ashlyn, I'm so sorry." Ali said. She lifted up her head and her eyes pleaded with Ash for forgiveness.

The thing was, Ashlyn didn't blame Ali. She blamed herself. She made a lot of bad decisions trying to forget about Ali.

"It's not your fault. It's over now." Ashlyn answered.

"I'm sorry that I ever put you through that."

"It's NOT your fault, Alex. Let it go!" Ashlyn said. She was close to yelling. She didn't want to think about that time in her life. She needed Ali to drop it. She knew if Ali continued to talk about it, she would lose it.

"Ash, I can't let it go. My actions hurt you. And you carry this thing around because you need to remember the pain? What is that? I don't understand." Ali stood from her seat and walked toward Ashlyn. With every step Ali took closer, Ashlyn took a step back.

"Forget it!" Ashlyn quickly grabbed the letter from Ali's hand and stuffed it in her pocket. She didn't have a lot of choices of where she could go for privacy, so she ended up locking herself in the bathroom. She couldn't let Ali see her break down.

...

Ali gave Ashlyn time. She didn't know what to think. She felt guilty for snooping and even more guilty for causing her fiancé to have to write a letter like that. There were a lot of things said in the letter that made her feel bad, but when Ashlyn wrote that she had tried to contact her in the past and got no response, Ali felt like the worst best friend in the world.

The truth was that Ashlyn had put up with a lot from Ali. She practically ignored her after she surprised her at her graduation and decided she had feelings for Ashlyn. Ash had even made several attempts to reconnect, but because of her own issues she had to work through, she left Ashlyn to fend for herself. She knew that she broke her heart. 

After reading Ashlyn's brokenness in her own words, Ali was drowning in guilt. She was the one who caused it. She was the one who caused everything.

"Ashlyn, please open the door." Ali said. She knocked lightly on the bathroom door.

Ashlyn didn't answer.

"Baby, we're happy now. I'm sorry I put you through that. I can't stand to be apart from you, right now. Please open up." Ali begged.

Ashlyn crawled to the door and opened it. She crawled back to her spot on the floor against the bathtub. Ali carefully walked in and sat down next to her fiancé.

"Sorry I read your letter." 

"It's ok. I should've thrown it away a long time ago." Ash lowered her head into Ali's lap and laid down on the bathroom floor. Ali ran her fingers through her hair and massaged her scalp. 

"Ash, I should've taken better care of your heart." Ali confessed what was lying heavy on her own heart.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, even when we were just friends, I should've protected you. I hate that I hurt you." Ali leaned down and kissed Ashlyn's cheek. "I promise, from now on, it will be my life's purpose to protect your heart. I promise you!"

"Alex," Ash laughed sadly. "It's not your fault. I made a lot of mistakes. It was hard, but I made the decision to find comfort in places where I was never going to find it. I'm responsible for my own actions, not you."

"You know I love you?" Ali bent down and gave her another kiss. "Only you can make me happy." She kissed her again. "Only you could ever be the one that I could spend the rest of my life with and be happy forever." 

Ashlyn sat up and wiped her eyes dry with her sleeve. She handed Ali the crumbled up ball of paper in her hand and said, "Here. I don't need this. It's your's. I don't want to hold on to it anymore. I just want to hold on to you."

Ali took the letter from her future wife and waited for Ashlyn to make it clear what she wanted her to do.

"I trust you, Alex. I trust that you love me. I'm not afraid to let go, as long as I have you."

"You'll always have me." Ali threw the letter in the trash and pulled Ashlyn into her embrace and said it one more time. "You'll always have me."


	127. Hard Work (Part One)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter addresses some current events in the WoSo world. First off, it's a work of fiction. The only reason I'm writing about this situation is because it affects the characters in the story. I have no intention of starting a debate about anything or cause more drama. It's a fictional story. Don't get mad at me.

"Can I talk to you about something?" Jake asked Ashlyn as they worked on a secret tree house project for Samuel.

"Duh. Of course. What's up?" Ash asked. 

"I was wondering if I could start training with you and Mom. I want to get stronger and faster for soccer." Jake said.

"I don't know, Son. You're a little young. Being on a training program can be kinda intense. You shouldn't be worrying about that stuff, right now. You should be worrying about being a kid." Ashlyn answered.

"Yeah, but Mom is always concerned with me being healthy. I drink all those gross nutrition shakes. Doesn't it make sense for me to train like you guys, so I can be as strong as possible?"

Jacob had a point. But Ashlyn knew that this decision wouldn't only affect him but also her and Ali's workout routine. They usually went to the gym together while their children were at school. 

"I'll talk it over with your Mom. I'm not making any promises, though." Ashlyn said and handed her son a socket wrench and let him put the finishing touches on the twisty tube tunnel slide she had attached to the treehouse. She had thought up the idea of giving each of her children their own private exit. Samuel's had to be completely safe and totally fun. A slide that had a few twists and turns was perfect. 

It would also create a perfect eavesdropping spot for him when his brother and sister were being secretive and trying to avoid him. Ashlyn decided she wasn't going to share that information with her top secret spy partner until the moment was right. 

"What's my exit gonna be, Mama?" Jacob asked. He knew Ashlyn wouldn't disappoint him. 

"It's a surprise. The little ones get their's first. You're the big brother. You can wait. Plus you're way more fun to torture than your siblings." Ashlyn said. She pointed at the tools they had used and said, "Help me clean this stuff up before the rest of the family gets home."

Jake liked doing this kind of stuff with his Mama. He liked it that she teased him and treated him differently than she would a little kid. He also loved that she called him 'son.' Ashlyn called Lexi a 'princess,' she called Sam, 'Bam' and she called Jacob, 'Son.' Jake knew it wasn't a random thing for her to call him that. She wanted him to know that he belonged. He may have been adopted after his brother and sister but he was just as much a part of their family as anyone else.

...

Ali took Lexi, Sam, and Monster to a nearby park to give Ash and Jake time to put together the slide for Samuel. When they arrived Ali expected to find Ashlyn bursting with excitement to see her youngest son's reaction to their hard work. She did not find an excited wife. She found a napping wife and a napping teenager, as well.

Ashlyn and Jacob were on the couch watching a soccer game and had fallen asleep soon after the game started. Ashlyn had an arm around Jake and he rested his head on her shoulder. Ali almost couldn't bear to wake them. 

Almost.

She took a quick picture of the sweet moment and then sent Samuel and Monster in to take care of the rest. The sleepy duo were awake within seconds.

"Hey, Baby." Ali said to her wife while trying to stifle a laugh. 

"Why ya being mean to us?" Ashlyn whined. She gave both Ali and Sam a dirty look. Sam covered his mouth with both hands trying to keep his giggles from escaping.

"I'm not being mean. I'm just waking you up." Ali kissed Ashlyn's forehead and then gave her a peck on the lips.

"Waking a person up is mean. It's the worst, actually. Come on, son let's go back to sleep." Ashlyn pulled her son back towards her and awkwardly used her hand to hold his head down on her shoulder.

"You're ridiculous." Ali playfully smacked her wife's hand and made her release Jacob.

"Mom, we're tired. We worked all day." Jacob said. He dramatically fell into Ashlyn's arms to make a point. Apparently he had decided to team up with his Mama in giving his Mom a hard time.

"Are you kidding me?" Ali let out a sigh of frustration. "What is it with you and our boys?" 

Ali's frustration only encouraged her wife to torture her a little more. "Babe, me and the boys can't help it. You're cute when you get all flustered." 

Hearing his Mama say how cute his Mom was made Jacob change his mind. He never intended to help his Mama flirt.

"Gross!" Jake said and stood up to remove himself from the situation completely. 

Ashlyn rolled her eyes and pulled Ali into her lap. "You miss me, Babe?" 

Ali wrapped her arms around her wife and replied, "Obviously." Ali gave Ashlyn a kiss and let it linger. The women were purposely trying to make Jake uncomfortable. He always acted repulsed by their affection. It only encouraged them to increase the PDA around him.

"Umm, Sam wanna go outside?" Jacob asked. He knew that their big surprise would cause his parents to act more parental and drop the lovebird act for a few moments.

"Oh yeah..." Ash stood up causing her wife to fall on the floor. "Oops. Sorry, Babe." Ashlyn helped her wife up and turned to their youngest son. "Bam, we've got a surprise for you." Ashlyn turned to Sam who was playing tug of war with Monster.

"A surprise?" Sam jumped up and said, "For me, Mama?"

"Yup! Jake and I have been working on it all afternoon." Ashlyn said. She took his little hand and led him to the back yard. "Notice anything new?"

Samuel scrunched his forehead and looked carefully. Jacob started to laugh at him. The slide was huge and bright yellow and there was no way you could miss it. 

When Samuel's eyes found the new treehouse addition he pulled on Ashlyn's hand and pointed before asking, "What's that, Mama?"

"That's for you, Bam." Ashlyn said. "It's a tunnel slide. That is your very own secret escape passage." 

Samuel thought about what she had said and took a few moments to figure out that it was the coolest thing he'd ever seen. Ali and Ash watched his four year old brain put the pieces together and go from curious to ecstatic. 

"Awesome!" Samuel yelled and ran up the steps of the treehouse to try out his new slide. He tried it out about ten times before Ashlyn showed him another fun feature. 

"Sam-Bam, sit at the top of the slide and wait for me." Ashlyn said. She climbed up the slide from the bottom and met him inside the treehouse. "This is also a secret entrance." She whispered. "Don't tell anyone." 

"Woah!" Sam exclaimed loudly. He quickly covered his mouth with his hand and when he removed it he said it again but in a whisper that only his Mama could hear. "Woah." He hugged Ashlyn's neck and thanked her, before she pulled him into a tight hug and launched the both of them down the slide.

...

"I'm so excited!" Ali said and leaned into her wife as they stood in line at the airport, waiting to go through security.

"Babe, it's Qualifiers. It's not like it's the World Cup." Ashlyn said. "You've done this before."

"Yeah, but this time you're here too." Ali said sweetly. She was proud of Ashlyn for getting this far. It's hard competing for a position that is filled by Hope Solo. It's even harder when there are a few other extremely talented keepers also in the mix.

"I am here, aren't I?" Ashlyn smiled and put an arm around her wife's waist. She gave her a quick squeeze before whispering in her ear, "Thanks to you." She kissed her cheek and stepped away quickly, not wanting to draw too much attention from the people around them.

"Baby, it's nice that you give me so much credit. But this is all you. You've put in the hard work. You're the one who made the sacrifices to get stronger and better. You deserve to be here, and I'm so proud of you." 

Ashlyn refrained from arguing. She knew it would be a never ending debate. In her mind, she was only able to get this far because of her wife's support. She let it go, knowing in her heart that she owed a lot of her success to Ali.

...

"Grandpa, do you think you can talk my parents into letting me train with them?" Jacob asked. Ali's Dad was at the Krieger-Harris house watching the kids for the few days Ali and Ash would be gone.

"Train? You mean at the gym or on the field?" He asked.

"Both. But especially at the gym. They have a trainer that helps them strengthen and condition. I really want to do that." Jake answered.

"Well, that kind of training is part of their job. It's a big time and physical commitment."

"Yeah, but I want to be the best. So I wanna do it." Jacob was set on doing everything he could to improve in the game his family loved.

"I can talk to them, but I honestly don't know if that's the right thing for you." 

Jacob wasn't completely happy with that answer but at least his Grandpa would make sure the possibility was discussed. This was something he felt very strongly about. He dreamed of one day playing for his country just like his parents.

...

Once the whole team had arrived in Kansas City, the coaches had a team meeting. They talked about strategies and formations. They also talked about practical logistics like rooming assignments and daily team agendas and schedules. Because of recent events they needed to talk about some more serious matters involving social media and how to answer questions if asked about certain subjects.

After the team meeting Ashlyn was called into a 'goalkeepers only' meeting to discuss how the team would proceed from this point leading up to the World Cup. Jill Ellis spoke on behalf of the coaching staff.

"As everyone is well aware, there has been some legal issues involving Hope." Jill nodded toward Hope, who looked very uncomfortable.

She continued, "There will be a lot of opinions and things said about the situation. We support Hope 100%. But we also need to do what's best for the team, and make sure we are prepared for anything that might happen in the future."

Hope kept her eyes pointed at the floor but it was obvious she wasn't happy with what was going on. Ashlyn figured Jill must've already spoken to her about what she was going to say.

"Ashlyn, we are planning on giving you the majority of playing time in this tournament. So don't be surprised when you see your name in the starting lineup. But it is also very important that you maintain support for Hope. She's our number one keeper, if anyone asks." Jill glanced towards an angry Hope Solo and opened the floor for discussion. "Does anyone have anything they'd like to say?"

Ashlyn took a deep breath and looked toward Hope. She wanted to give her the first opportunity to speak, if she wanted it. Hope didn't say a word. She didn't even look up to acknowledge that there were other people in the room. Ashlyn took that as a sign that she should say as little as possible.

"I'm grateful for the opportunity and I will do my best to make you and Hope proud." Ash said. 

"We look forward to seeing what you can do. Good luck." Jill said. She patted both Ash and Hope on the shoulder and left the two keepers alone.

"Hope, I'm really sorry about all this." Ashlyn said. Hope was her friend. She believed in her innocence and didn't want to make matters worse for her. She knew she had to be feeling horrible with everything people had been saying about her on the news and other places online. Ashlyn had just read something someone wrote comparing Hope to some other professional athletes who had admitted to doing terrible things to their family members. She couldn't imagine how hard it must be for her to sit on the bench during this time, as if to say to the world that she was guilty.

Hope finally acknowledged that she wasn't alone in the room and answered Ashlyn. "It's not your fault. It's a good thing, actually. You should get playing time. I just hate the reason they're saying you deserve it." 

Ashlyn was relieved to hear Hope say that. Being friends with Hope wasn't always easy. Ashlyn could appreciate that Hope was always Hope. In other words, she never pretended to be someone she's not. She won't say anything behind your back that she wouldn't tell you to your face. She is who she is. In that regards, she's simple. But in every other way she's complicated. 

Ash could sympathize with her difficult past. She knew what it was like to have a dysfunctional family and to suffer great loss. But she also knew what is was like to choose a different path and to choose to do better. For some reason Hope seemed to always be in the wrong place at the wrong time when it came to off the field drama. In that way, she was very complicated and very different from Ashlyn.


	128. Hard Work (Part Two)

Ashlyn was sharing a table with Hope when Ali finally caught up with her wife after the team meetings.

"Hey, Baby." Ali said and ran her hand over Ash's shoulder as she took a seat next to her.

"Hey, you." Ash answered back with a smile. She was genuinely happy to see her wife. 

Ashlyn had decided to hang out with Hope and offer whatever support she could in an awkward and difficult situation. Ali hadn't yet spoken to her wife about what was discussed in the 'keepers only' meeting. She had no idea the tightrope Ashlyn was walking trying to balance being a good friend with being excited and ready to lead the defense on the field.

"How was your super secret meeting?" Ali asked.

"You haven't told her yet?" Hope said with an almost challenging look in her eye. She knew Ashlyn was uncomfortable and she enjoyed watching her squirm a little. 

"Um..." Ashlyn rested her hand on Ali's thigh and pressed her fingertips lightly into her leg. She wanted her wife to know that there needed to be a topic change and she needed to let it happen. "You know, I'd much rather hear about what you were up to while I was gone." Ash said, pleading with her eyes for Ali to go with it.

Ali totally got the message...and so did Hope.

"Come on, Ash. Tell your wife what happened." Hope pushed for Ash to let it all out. 

She was amused by Ashlyn's predicament and she was also mad that things were going down this way. She was taking it out on Ashlyn, in a way. She moved her focus from anger towards the coaching staff to messing with her friend. Ashlyn was not interested in being messed with. It wasn't a joke to her. She deserved to be on the roster. It wasn't funny or an undeserved fluke that she was given the opportunity.

Ashlyn decided to be as gracious as possible, but she wasn't going to pretend that it wasn't important to her. She worked hard and deserved a chance. She told her wife the truth. "I'm going to be in the starting line-up." Ash said plainly. She didn't make any excuses. 

"Baby, that's great! Congratulations!" Ali said. She embraced her wife and quickly released the hug when she remembered Hope was watching them. Even if she would've remembered that Hope was there, there was no way she wouldn't express happiness for her wife. 

"Yes, congratulations." Hope added. She sounded slightly cynical, but the married couple couldn't blame her. It was a difficult situation. 

Hope stood up and excused herself. "I'm going to give you two some privacy." Hope bumped Ashlyn's shoulder as she walked away.

Ali saw the bump and got upset. She didn't like anyone treating her wife that way, but she especially didn't like someone who they considered a friend doing it.

Ashlyn knew right away what Ali was thinking. "It's ok. That's Hope's way of being supportive."

"I don't see that as supportive."

"Don't worry about it." Ashlyn took Ali's hand and held it in her lap. She didn't need to worry about what Hope or anyone else thought. She only cared about Ali's thoughts on the situation. 

Ashlyn used the rest of dinner to explain to Ali what Jill and Hope had said in their meeting. She shared her excitement and her nerves. She also told Ali to be gracious concerning their keeper friend. They agreed that they would rather err on the side of humble kindness than proud brashness.

...

"Hello, my sweet babies!" Ali waved into the webcam of her laptop. She blew kisses at her children's faces that were filling the screen. 

"Mommy, guess what. I got an A on my math test!" Lexi said. She had spent a week studying with Ali.

"Great job, Lexi!" Ali cheered.

"Good job, Lex." Sam repeated Ali's sentiment and patted his sisters back.

Ali heard the click of her hotel door unlocking and smiled as she saw her wife come in.

"Baby, we have a very important Skype call you're just in time for." Ali said to Ash.

"Babe, have their people call my people. You know I like to handle these things during business hours." Ashlyn joked.

"Mama, it's me!" Samuel yelled. He heard Ashlyn and thought she must be confused about who was waiting to talk to her. 

"Oh my goodness, it's you!" Ashlyn exclaimed dramatically. She laid down on her stomach on the bed and rested her weight on her forearms. "Babe, look who it is. It's my people."

"Lexi was just telling me that she got an A today on her math test." Ali informed her wife.

"An A? Are you serious? My little genius Princess got an A? Well done, girl!" Ashlyn praised her only daughter. 

Lexi was proud of herself. Her parents made her feel like she could do anything.

"Mama, Monster went down my slide." Sam informed his parents that he had taken his puppy with him for a ride on his new treehouse tunnel slide.

"Sweetheart, that's not safe for him." Ali said. 

"Mommy, he told me he wanted to go down." Samuel explained. He oftentimes revealed to his family that he was bilingual. He spoke both English and Dog.

"Bam, can you bring Monster to the computer, please? I need to talk to him." Ashlyn said. She also spoke Dog.

Samuel got nervous. He left the Skype call to get his dog. Jacob helped his little brother lift him up high enough to see the screen.

"Hey, Monster. Good to see ya." Ash said to the dog. 

Samuel interrupted their conversation right away. "Mama, wait!" Sam lifted up one of the dog's ears and whispered a secret to him. Ashlyn had a good idea what he was saying, but didn't let on. Samuel put Monster's ear back down and told Ashlyn to go ahead. 

"Monster, did you tell Samuel you wanted to go down the slide?" Ashlyn asked. Ali smiled at her wife's way of taking care of things.

The dog responded with panting and trying to lick the computer screen. Amazingly enough, Ashlyn was still able to understand what he was trying to communicate.

"Sam-Bam, Monster said that you talked him into it. He had fun, but it was still scary. So, I want you to make sure not to take him down the slide while Mommy and I are gone. Ok, bud?"

"Ok, Mama." Samuel didn't realize Monster had been a little scared on the slide. He didn't want him to be afraid when they played. He was happy to obey his Mama and take good care of his dog.

Ali found her wife and son's silliness humorous but she wanted to hear from her oldest son. "Jacob, I miss you, my handsome son. How was your day?" 

"It was ok." Jacob said. He seemed quieter than usual. 

"Grandpa told me you sat out of part of your practice today. What's going on?" Ali asked.

"I didn't know that." Ashlyn added.

"I wasn't feeling good after school. We ran ladder sprints and I felt like I was gonna pass out." Jake answered sadly. He hated feeling sick. 

"Dude, are you ok now?" Ash asked.

"I guess. I'm feeling a little tired."

Ali was not happy to be so far away from her sick child. "Tell Grandpa to take your temperature, Sweetheart. I'll call him later and see what we need to do to get you feeling better."

"Ok." Jacob answered. He sounded sad. He was doing a good job of worrying his mother.

The family spent a good amount of time talking about their days and laughing at Sam and Ashlyn's silly stories. Ali and Ash went to bed that night feeling like they had already won the biggest prize of them all. Their children brought a whole new level of joy in their lives. They truly felt blessed.

...

The next morning something rare occurred. Ali woke up to find that her wife was awake before her.

"You ok?" Ali asked through a tired yawn. Her head was resting on Ashlyn's shoulder and her arm was draped across her waist. She placed a soft kiss on her wife's chest before letting out another yawn.

"I'm ok. Why do you ask?" Ashlyn answered.

"You're up earlier than usual."

"Oh, yeah. I couldn't sleep." 

"Are you nervous?" Ali asked. She wiped the sleep from her eyes.

"Sort of." Ash answered. It's true. She was nervous, but not for the reason Ali thought.

"You're going to be great out there. I know it's a weird situation, but you deserve to be in goal. You don't need to be nervous. You're gonna crush it." Ali was confident in her wife's ability. She had no doubt that their next game would be a success for her and the team.

"It's not that." Ash answered. "I guess I'm nervous for the Hope stuff. People are going to constantly be asking. I'm a little worried about her." 

"You haven't been able to sleep because you're worried about Hope?" Ali almost couldn't believe it. She knew her wife was compassionate and a good friend, but this was a big deal for Ashlyn. Ali thought she would be thinking of the positive elements of the situation and not the bad.

"I wish she was ok, that's all." Ashlyn held her wife a little tighter after she said that.

"She's tough. You don't need to worry about her." Ali said. Ashlyn felt Ali smile right before she added, "She's not as tough as you, but she's still pretty tough." Ali moved to rest her weight on her elbow and kissed her wife's cheek.

"You think I'm tough?" Ashlyn replied to her wife's flirting.

"Super tough. Toughest person I know." Ali wiped a few messy strands of hair from her wife's eyes and kissed her lips gently. 

Ashlyn closed her eyes and fought the urge to deepen her wife's kiss.

Ali pulled back enough to get a good look at her wife before asking, "You're gonna make me wait until after our first game, aren't you?" 

"Yeah, sorry. I gotta stay focused." Ashlyn answered.

"No, it's fine. I'll just have to go take a shower..." Ali pulled herself out of bed and started towards the bathroom. "...all alone, all wet and naked while my wife stays focused on other things."

Ashlyn closed her eyes tight and groaned into her pillow. Her wife was trying to kill her.

...

"Open up and say ah." The doctor said and stuck a tongue depressor in Jake's mouth. Unfortunately, Jacob was all too familiar with this routine.

The doctor did his examination and asked lots of questions, but didn't find anything out of the ordinary. He ended up sending Jake and Ali's Dad to the pharmacy to pick up an antibiotic with very little answers for why he was feeling so bad.

Jacob had a fever and felt fatigued with a dull headache. The doctor told him he either had a virus or an infection. If he was still sick in a week after taking the medicine, he would run some blood tests. But for now, he needed to rest up and and take it easy, which meant no soccer and no school.

That afternoon Jacob had a surprise visit from a friend. He heard a knock on his bedroom door and after inviting the visitor to come in, he was shocked to see Rachel standing there with her book bag. 

"What the heck are you doing here?" Jake asked. He was suddenly very aware of the fact that he was shirtless and wearing stained and ripped sweatpants. 

"I called my Dad and told him your parents invited me over for dinner so I didn't need a ride. Then I gave a senior $10 to bring me here. At the door I told your Grandpa that my Dad said it was ok for me to come over and help you with the work you missed in class. It was really easy, actually." Rachel answered. She tossed her bag on Jake's bed and sat down next to him.

"You're such a liar." Jake joked. "No wonder our first date got me suspended."

"First date?" Rachel asked. She had yet to hear Jacob refer to her as anything other than a friend.

"Um...I mean...it wasn't a 'date' date." Jacob was really squirming. He didn't know how to talk his way out of this and it didn't help that he wasn't feeling well either.

Though Rachel enjoyed teasing Jacob, and apparently was a really good liar, she was not a horrible person. She had compassion on her friend and let him off the hook. 

"I'm kidding, Jake. Relax." She pulled out her phone and charger and plugged it in to the outlet next to Jake's bed. She opened up her Netflix app and put it on the first movie the two of them could agree on. They spent the rest of the day hanging out and working on the little bit of work that Jake had missed. Jacob was happy for her help. He felt like being sick was worth it to get such good care from his thoughtful friend. 

...

Ashlyn licked her lips as she watched her wife from across the pitch. Ali was wiping the sweat from her brow with the bottom of her shirt, exposing her tight abs. She had no idea that her wife was gaping at her from afar. 

Hope shook Ashlyn's shoulder and asked, "You ok, there?"

The contact from her teammate pulled her out of her daydream and brought her back to reality. "What? Oh...uh...yeah. I'm fine. I just..." Ashlyn let her sentence hang in the air as she brought her gaze back to her wife.

"You're just lusting after your wife, in the middle of the day, during practice, and in front of the entire team and coaching staff." Hope said with a judgmental smirk across her lips.

That did the trick. Ashlyn was now officially focused on what Hope was saying. "Oh crap! Sorry." Ashlyn blurted out. 

"I'm just messing with you. I get it. Ya gotta wait until after game day." Hope chuckled and walked away.

"Wait! How did you know that?" Ashlyn chased after her.

Hope picked up a water bottle and took a long drink before answering. "Calm down, I'm not gonna say anything or judge you. We all have our pre-game superstitions." Hope pulled Ash into a side hug and said, "Just promise me you won't give me any of the post-game details. Ain't nobody wanna know about that!" Hope squirted Ashlyn in the face with the water and ran away.

Ashlyn shook her head knowing that this was going to be a long and frustrating week.


	129. Hard Work (Part Three)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter includes a prompt request. As always, thank you for the great ideas. I hope you like it.

Tobin stumbled into the dining hall for breakfast. She looked tired and worn out. Alex had taken her seat with Kelley and Syd at least ten minutes prior. Ashlyn watched her friend pick up an apple and search for a seat.

Ashlyn could've sworn she saw her find Alex and then make the decision to keep looking. When Tobin met Ashlyn's gaze she nodded and headed toward the table where Ash, Ali, Hope and Carli were seated.

"You ok, Tob?" Ash asked as Tobin sat across from her.

"Been better." Tobin said quietly. She leaned against the wall that their table was next to and closed her eyes. She had no interest in food at the moment.

"Tobin, what's wrong?" Ali asked. She knew her wife wouldn't press for more details. She wanted to help their friend if she could.

"Nothing." Tobin quietly answered. She kept her eyes closed and picked at the peel of the apple in her hands.

"Tobin, you can talk to us. There's obviously something wrong." Ali pleaded with her friend. She was worried that something was really wrong.

Ashlyn elbowed her wife and whispered to her to leave her alone. Ali was not pleased with that sort of behavior from her wife, but she let it slide for the sake of their friend.

Hope looked up from the book she was reading and gave her opinion of the situation. "There's obviously trouble in paradise. Alex looks worse than her." 

Tobin exhaled sharply and opened her eyes. She chanced a quick glance at her fiancé to see if Hope was right about her future wife's state. As soon as their eyes met, Alex gave her a dirty look and turned away. 

Tobin was crushed by her fiancé's cold shoulder. She never meant to hurt Alex.

...

"I forgot that I'm mad at you." Ali elbowed her wife to remind her of her earlier offense.

"Why are you mad at me? I was just trying to be a good friend." Ashlyn defended herself.

"You were basically telling me that I wasn't allowed to speak. I didn't like that. I felt disrespected by my partner in this life who if I remember correctly swore to love and protect me." Ali said.

"You're being dramatic, Alex."Ashlyn did not see the big deal.

"I'm not being dramatic. You totally dismissed me at breakfast in front of our friends. And now you're dismissing my feelings." 

"Ali, you're being crazy. I didn't do anything wrong. Tobin didn't want to talk. It wouldn't help her to make her talk in front of other people. She obviously felt horrible. There was no need to make her feel worse." Ashlyn argued. "And besides you tell me to stop talking in front of our friends all the time."

"That's because you always say stupid stuff!" Ali butted in.

"Wow, thanks for all the love and respect, life partner." Ashlyn said sarcastically. She was done talking about this. Ali was being over dramatic and treating her worse than how she claimed Ash treated her in the first place.

Ashlyn didn't stick around long enough to give Ali a chance to apologize or argue. She just left. 

...

"What's going on with you and your woman?" Ash asked Tobin. The two were carrying bags of soccer balls to the team vans.

"I don't know." Tobin answered.

"Come on, Tobs. You can tell me."

"I seriously don't know, Ash." Tobin further explained. "She told me I should know and it makes her even more angry that I have no clue why she's upset."

"Are you serious?" Ashlyn asked. She needed to double check that her ears had heard correctly.

"I'm serious. I have no idea." Tobin said. "All I know is I've never seen her like this. She won't talk to me. When I try to ask her what's wrong she gets even more mad. So I can't even try to figure it out." 

"That sucks!" Ash sympathized with her friend.

"Yeah, it really does. It seems my future wife doesn't like me very much, right now. I feel like she's disappointed in me. I can honestly say I've never felt this bad before."

...

Ali watched Tobin and her wife file into one of the team vans. She made sure to get into a different one. Moments before Alex had the same idea. Ali took the open seat next to her and asked, "Your fight with your fiancé got me in trouble with my wife."

"How?" Alex asked.

"Apparently I was pressuring Tobin to talk and my wife didn't like that." Ali answered bitterly.

"Sorry."

"What's going on with you two, anyway?" Ali asked. She felt like she deserved some kind of explanation.

"A couple things. The main thing is that she doesn't know."

"What do you mean she doesn't know?" Ali needed clarification and apparently Tobin did too.

"I mean that I've been working hard on wedding things and I asked her for her opinion and she said she doesn't care. I don't think that's a very good answer. She should care. This is a big deal!" Alex took a quick breath so that she could continue her rant about her fiancé. "And then when I got upset she had the nerve to ask why. She had no idea. She doesn't listen. She doesn't care. This is our wedding, for crying out loud. If she doesn't care then why are we doing it in the first place?"

"Alex, I'm going to tell you something you might not want to hear, but it's for your own good." Ali put her hand on her friend's shoulder. "You're being crazy." 

"What? No, I'm not."

"You're stressing out about the wedding planning and taking it out on Tobin." Ali was right and Alex knew it. "The thing about the people that we have chosen to marry is that they think so darn differently than we do."

Alex rolled her eyes in agreement. That was one thing that drove her nuts about Tobin.

Ali continued. "We have to look at the motive and not the action or the words. It's not that Tobin doesn't care about the wedding. She just wants you to be happy. What you want is way more important to her than her preference of what color the dresses should be or what the center pieces should look like." Ali took Alex's hand and looked her in the eyes and said, "The reason she doesn't know what she did wrong, is because she didn't do anything wrong."

Alex started to feel guilt fill her heart. Ali was right. She needed to fix things with Tobin. After their talk, Ali realized she needed to make things right with Ashlyn, too. 

"What a mess." Alex sighed in frustration.

"You said it." Ali agreed.

...

Ali hadn't seen her wife since practice. She had waited in their room for her, but she never showed up. It was clear Ashlyn was avoiding her.

At dinner that night she sat with Hope and Carli, expecting Ashlyn to sit at their table. Unfortunately for Ali, Ashlyn didn't show up for dinner at all. Ali checked her phone for a message from her wife but found nothing. 

Ali told herself to be patient and not get upset, even though Ashlyn was being childish about the whole thing. Ali knew she was wrong too, and wanted to keep her cool.

After dinner Ali headed back up to her and her wife's room. She was typing out a text message when she felt a tap on her shoulder. She got excited hoping it was Ashlyn. 

"Hey, have you seen Tobin?" Alex asked.

She wasn't the person Ali was expecting to see. "No, but if it makes you feel better she's probably with my wife." Ali answered.

"That doesn't make me feel any better, to be honest." Alex replied. "Those two are good at getting into trouble together."

They had no idea.

...

"Tobin, you've had enough. We need to get back." Ashlyn said. She tried to take the drink out of her friend's hand but Tobin snatched it away just in time.

"Then go back." Tobin answered. She didn't care about curfew or anything at the moment. It was completely out of her character to drink her pain and sadness away, but that's exactly what she was doing.

Tobin's family didn't approve of her engagement with Alex. Tobin had been ignoring the pain of rejection ever since her and Alex announced their engagement. Alex's recent cold and stubborn behavior pushed Tobin over the edge. 

She felt like no one wanted her.

"Tobin, I'm not going anywhere without you. You and Alex had a stupid fight. It will be fine. I promise." Ashlyn tried to rationalize with a depressed and drunk Tobin. 

"It won't be fine. The people who say they love you, and are supposed to love you, change their minds. I can't take it anymore." Tobin wiped a few stray tears and stood up. "I gotta go to the bathroom." 

Ashlyn decided to give her a minute of privacy and called Alex. 

Alex was sitting with Ali in the hotel lobby. They had figured out the Ash and Tobin were not in the hotel, so if they hung out in the lobby they would see them as soon as they returned. 

Alex heard her phone ring and picked up right away when she saw who it was. After showing Ali the caller ID she answered.

"Hello?" 

"Hey, you need to talk to your fiancé." Ashlyn sounded angry. 

"Where is she?" Alex asked.

"Before I tell you, you have to promise not to hurt her." Ashlyn said protectively.

"Ashlyn, where is she?" Alex raised her voice. She was getting angry at her blonde friend. She didn't have time for games.

"Alex, I'm serious," 

"Fine! I promise. Now, where is she?"

"She just went to the bathroom. She's been drinking. Alex, you need to know that it's not ok to treat her like this." Ashlyn said.

"Don't give me a lecture. Where is she?"

"She's drunk and crying at the bar across the street from the hotel...."

Alex handed the phone to Ali and ran out of the front door of the hotel. 

"Ash?" Ali spoke to her wife for the first time since their own fight. "Are you ok?"

Ashlyn answered, "No." And then she hung up.

...

Alex searched the bar and found Ashlyn sitting uncomfortably at a table in the back. She headed straight toward her.

"Where is she?" Alex got right to the point.

"She's in the bathroom." Ashlyn said. When Alex turned to find her fiancé Ashlyn stood up and grabbed her arm to stop her.

"Let go of me!" Alex struggled to free herself from the goalkeeper's grip. 

"You need to listen to me." Ashlyn pulled her closer to her to try to talk some sense into her. 

A man from a nearby table misinterpreted the situation and stepped in to help Alex. He grabbed Ashlyn by the shoulders and pushed her down. 

Alex freaked out and Ashlyn was ready to fight. Ali had followed Alex across the street but was a considerable distance from the quick forward. She had arrived just in time to see her wife get into the man's face and threaten to fight him.

She grabbed Ashlyn from behind and pulled her back. Ashlyn elbowed Ali in the stomach out of reflex. She didn't know it was her wife who had grabbed her. She thought it was someone else attacking her for no reason.

Alex started crying when Ali fell to the ground. This is the moment Tobin returned to the table. 

"What's going on?" Tobin asked.

Alex couldn't speak. She put her arms around Tobin's neck and hugged her tightly.

Ashlyn was ready to take a swing at the man who had pushed her when she heard her wife's strained voice. "Baby, it's ok."

Ashlyn turned to see that the person she had elbowed was Ali. She helped her up and a whimper type of a sound came from her mouth. She looked down at her hands and felt ashamed. She had struck Ali.

The manager of the place approached the group and threw them out. He didn't know the whole story and he wasn't interested in hearing it. They had caused enough trouble for the night.

...

Ashlyn was sick with guilt. She hadn't said a word to anyone since finding out what she had done to Ali. She couldn't stand to live with herself. 

"Ash, talk to me." Ali begged. 

Once they had returned to their room Ali hoped that her wife would find her voice. Ashlyn showed no sign of letting up. She laid down with her face buried in the mattress of the hotel bed. Ali felt a pang of hurt when Ashlyn chose the extra bed in the room to lay on, instead of the one they had been sharing.

Ashlyn made it clear. She didn't want any comfort. She felt like she deserved her misery.

"Ashlyn, it was an accident. You're being too hard on yourself." Ali sat on the bed her wife was on and tried to put a hand on her back. Ashlyn quickly covered herself entirely by the blanket. She wanted to hide from the world.

"Baby, you had no way of knowing it was me who grabbed you." Ali continued to try to get through to her. She put a hand on her back, over the hotel comforter. "I don't blame you. You shouldn't blame yourself either." But Ashlyn wasn't giving in. 

Ali decided she wasn't going to give in either. She laid down beside her wife and hoped that some time before morning Ashlyn would let her in.

It took an hour for Ashlyn to peel away the blanket from covering her face and lifting it enough for Ali to get underneath it with her. Ali stayed quiet. She didn't want to do anything to make her wife change her mind.

Ashlyn adjusted her position so that her head could rest over Ali's heart. Ali put both arms around her and let her melt into her body. For the moment they didn't need words, they just needed each other.

...

Ali woke up to the sound of her wife talking in her sleep. Even though Ashlyn was unconscious she knew what she was dreaming about. Ashlyn kept saying "I'm sorry." Over and over. It broke Ali's heart.

Ali couldn't take it anymore. She shook Ashlyn awake and forced her to talk about what had happened. It was an accident. It wasn't Ashlyn's fault. Finally, Ali asked for forgiveness. She had overreacted to Ashlyn's actions at breakfast, and then she said some hurtful things that she currently wished she could take back.

Ashlyn was half-asleep during their heart to heart but it still seemed to help.

...

At breakfast the next morning Ash and Ali weren't surprised to find that Tobin and Alex weren't there. After some detective work, Ali found out that Alex had stopped in for a few minutes to grab food for her and her fiancé and then left. The couple rushed through breakfast to go check on their friends. 

Ali knocked on Alex's door but didn't hear an answer. "They must be in Tobin's room." Ash suggested.

Ali knocked on Tobin's door, which was only a few rooms down the hall, and was glad to hear Alex's voice on the other side. Alex graciously let them in.

"Ash, I'm so sorry about last night." Alex apologized right away.

Ali took her wife's hand and reminded her that they were ok. 

"How's Tobin?" Ashlyn changed the subject. She didn't really want to talk about the epic disaster from the night before.

"She has a terrible hangover. She won't talk to me." Alex's voice shook with hurt.

Ashlyn decided to go easy on her. "She had a rough day. All the stuff with her parents rejecting her and I guess she felt you were regretting loving her too." Ash explained.

"I could never..." Alex started to declare her love about Tobin to Ashlyn when she realized she needed to tell her fiancé how she felt.

Alex turned to go to Tobin's side when Ashlyn interrupted her. "Do you mind if I just talk to her for a minute?" Ash asked.

"Not at all." Alex moved so that Ashlyn could get to Tobin. 

Ash knelt down so that her face was next to Tobin's. "Hey, Alex isn't your parents. You can trust her. You'll be ok. I promise. I know it's hard, but you have to try to let her in." Ashlyn patted her friend on the shoulder and stood up. She returned to her wife's side and said, "We'll give you some privacy."

Ashlyn took her wife's hand and walked united back to their room.

...

Once the door to their room was closed Ashlyn pulled her wife into a tight embrace. She laid her head on Ali's shoulder and held her for several minutes without movement or saying a word. Ali knew that Ashlyn was taking her own advice and doing her best not to shut her out.

If they were going to make it through what was coming, they would need each other.


	130. Hard Work (Part Four)

Ali woke up suddenly. She had a dream that startled her awake. She awoke with a messy blonde head of hair in her face. She sleepily put a hand on top of her wife's head and shook it a little to wake her up.

"Ash..." Ali said while stretching out her legs and back.

"Hmm?" Ashlyn grunted an answer as she felt her wife's movement beneath her.

"I had a bad dream." Ali answered.

Ashlyn rolled onto her back and opened up her arms, allowing Ali to rest in her embrace. It was the most natural smooth movement possible. She could comfort Ali in her sleep. Which is what she was practically doing. 

Ash placed a sleepy kiss on Ali's forehead and yawned the question. "What was it about?"

"I was under water and couldn't breathe." Ali answered.

Ashlyn held Ali in a tight and safe hug. "You're ok. It was just a dream."

Ali knew it was only a dream. But for some reason she couldn't shake the desperate feeling of breathlessness.

...

Jacob seemed to be getting worse, not better. Samuel and Monster woke up to the sound of him coughing during the night. Sam climbed up on his bathroom step stool and got his big brother a glass of water. He brought it to Jacob.

After he handed the water to him, he put Monster on his bed and climbed up, himself. He laid his head against Jacob's shoulder and fell back asleep.

A couple hours later Ali's Dad was woken up by the family dog's annoyingly loud barking. He climbed the stairs to his youngest grandson's room to find a messy empty bed. It didn't take long for him to find the source of the noise.

Samuel was trying to get the dog to be quiet, but something seemed out of place. Sam and Monster were both wide awake. Jacob was not.

Ken checked on his oldest grandson first and found out right away why he wasn't bothered by the barking. 

Jacob wasn't breathing.

...

Ali felt sick about her dream. She knew it was all in her head but if felt real. Ashlyn's comfort wasn't enough to steady her fears. Ali reached for her phone. She wanted to check on things at home, but it was still a couple hours too early. Her family should be sound asleep. 

She set a reminder on her phone to alert her at an appropriate time to call. She wouldn't be able to sleep until she knew everyone was ok.

...

Ali's Dad grabbed Jake's phone next to his nightstand and dialed 911. He moved Jacob from the bed to the floor and started to perform CPR. He worked with a lot of children and made sure his credentials were always up to date, but this was the first time he had to use his emergency first aid knowledge.

"Sam, I need you tell the person on the phone to send an ambulance." Ken said. He knew it would be difficult for a four year old to communicate what was going on but he was desperate to get his grandson to breathe again. He needed to focus on what he was doing. He needed to focus on getting Jacob's lungs to start breathing again.

...

Ali traced the tattoo patterns on her wife's arm to try and get her mind to focus on other things. It was no use. Nothing could quiet her worry. She debated her next move in her mind for a long few moments. Ashlyn always told her she worried too much. Maybe she was being silly. 

Ashlyn could feel her wife's nerves. She finally addressed the problem. "Just call home. Who cares what time it is? You're not going to be able to sleep until you do." Ashlyn read her wife's mind.

"You really think I should?" Ali asked.

"Yes, I do."

Ali called her father, but there was no answer. She tapped her finger against the side of her phone while deciding what to do next. 

...

"Grandpa said we need your help!" Samuel was in tears talking to the emergency operator.

The lady on the line was trying to get more information out of the boy, but was struggling.

Samuel heard a beep and saw his Mommy's face on the screen of the phone. His heart immediately felt relief. He pushed the answer button and accidentally put the 911 operator on hold without enough information to send an ambulance.

"Mommy!" The boy cried into the phone. Ashlyn could hear his scared scream from where she was next to Ali.

"Baby, what's wrong?"

Both women were sitting up at full attention. Ali put the phone on speaker.

"Monster was barking and Grandpa came in and put Jakes on the floor." Samuel did his best to explain.

"Sweetheart, let me talk to Grandpa." Ali wanted to speak to her Dad. She knew he would be able to explain better. 

"He can't talk. He's blowing into Jakey's mouth." Sam answered.

Both women thought the worst and they were right in their assessment. Ashlyn grabbed her own phone and dialed 911. She communicated what she thought was going on and gave them their home address.

It seemed like forever between Ashlyn's confirmation with 911 that someone was being sent to the house and their actual arrival. 

It was far worse than Ali's nightmare.

...

Less than five hours later both women were at the hospital with their family. Jacob was stable, but he had a tube in his nose pumping oxygen, just in case. Ali held Jake's hand on one side of the bed, while Ashlyn held Samuel on the other side. Lexi was asleep in her Grandfather's arms next to Ali.

Jacob stayed hospitalized overnight. Once the doctors were happy with his oxygen levels and early test results they sent him home. They still hadn't put a finger on what had caused him to stop breathing during the night, but they were confident that the plethora of tests they did would point them in the right direction. 

Jacob had no energy. He fell asleep as soon as they got home. Ali's Dad took Lex and Sam to get lunch on their way to pick up his ex-wife from the airport. Ali's Mom offered to fly in to help with the kids. They were happy to have her.

Ali took the opportunity to have a serious conversation with her wife in private.

"Ash, what do you wanna do?" 

There was no need for Ali to add any more detail to her question. Ashlyn knew what she was saying. 

"I think I should stay here. The team needs you more than they need me." Ashlyn answered.

In the past when a family emergency would come up Ashlyn always said that Ali was more important to the team than her. She made Ali stay and she went home.

"Baby, I don't think that's true anymore." Ali replied.

"Ali, I don't know what to do." Ashlyn started to cry. "I don't think I could bear to leave him."

Ali understood her wife's sentiment. She felt the same way.

"I don't know what we should do either. I'm glad my Mom is coming. She'll be his own private nurse. You know this won't happen again." Ali said.

"Do we know that?"

"I mean he'll have help right away. Of course we don't know what's going to happen." Ali wiped her wife's cheeks, trying to dry her tears. "We also have to consider Jacob's feelings. He would hate if you missed out on playing time because of him."

"I know he would, but he's a kid. He's not gonna understand. We have to do what we have to do to take care of him." Ashlyn took a breath and collected her emotions. "The game is next week. I'm staying until we find out more information." Ashlyn wasn't going to change her mind and Ali knew it.

"That's what I was thinking, too. We'll stay together." 

...

Rachel showed up at her usual time after school to check on Jacob. She didn't expect to see Ali answer the door, though.

"Hi..I um...I have Jake's homework." Rachel lifted up her bag in the air to show her friend's very protective mother that she was there for a good cause.

Ali poked her head out the door. "How did you get here?" She noticed there wasn't a car in the driveway and she knew Rachel's Dad usually walked to the door with her.

Rachel's heart sank. She told the truth. "A girl from school dropped me off."

"Does your Dad know you're here and that a student drove you?" Ali asked.

"Sorta."

"What does that mean?"

"He knows I'm here, but he doesn't know I rode with a student. I'm sorry. I was really worried about Jacob. I stopped by yesterday, but no one answered the door. I just wanted to make sure he was ok."

Ali gave her a curt nod and opened the door wider to let her in. "Have a seat, Rachel." Ali gestured toward their kitchen table.

The teenage girl thought for sure she was going to get an earful from an angry mother.

"Jacob is very sick." Ali said quietly. Her eyes started to water and she didn't look angry at all. She looked scared. 

"I brought him his homework, so he won't fall behind." Rachel said. She didn't realize that Ali was more concerned about keeping her son alive than keeping him caught up with his school work.

Ali gave the girl a sad, but sincere smile. "Thank you. I know he'll be glad to hear you thought of him."

"Can I see him?" Rachel asked.

"He's asleep right now." Ali wasn't going to wake him for a visit with his mischievous little high school girlfriend. "You can hang out if you want. I'm sure he'll be glad to see you when he wakes up." 

"Ok, thanks." Rachel cautiously added an apology. "Sorry for just stopping by. I was worried about him."

"It's ok. Next time be honest with us and your Dad. Jake needs a friend right now. But we also need to be able to trust you." Ali set the record straight.

"I promise it won't happen again."

Ali normally would've softened up and told her that her safety was important and the biggest problem was that she put herself in a dangerous situation by riding with a student and lying to her father. However, she didn't say any of that. She was too overwhelmed. 

All she could think about was her son.


	131. Hard Work (Part Five)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one hurt.

Ashlyn woke up with both her oldest and youngest sons in her arms. She had snuck into Jacob's room during the night and her little shadow, Samuel, followed her. Her heart was broken. She felt a pain in her chest ever since the moment she saw her son in a hospital bed. 

Ali was sitting at Jacob's desk working on some paperwork for the hospital. She noticed her wife wake up and immediately put the papers down and went to the side of her son's bed.

"Good morning, Baby." Ali whispered. She kissed her wife's lips and gave her a forced smile. "Are you ok?" Ali was barely holding on herself, she knew she couldn't handle it if Ashlyn fell apart.

"I'm trying to be." Ashlyn answered honestly.

"I know you are. Thank you."

"Where's Lex?" Ash asked.

"She's with my Dad. He took her and my Mom on a hike. They said they would keep an eye on her and bring her home if she needed us. I think it's good for her to try to do normal things." Ali explained.

"Yeah, that is good." Ash felt horrible. She didn't even think about making sure her other kids weren't afraid and that they felt safe. How was she ever going to be a good mother if things got worse? 

"Hey." Ali whispered. "Me and you..." Ali put her hand on her chest and then touched Ashlyn's chest. "...no matter what...we'll make it through."  
Ali tried to sniff back some tears but failed miserably. Her heart was breaking, too.

Ashlyn kissed both her boys and carefully moved them aside so that she could get up. She took her wife into a tight hug and let Ali cry on her shoulder. 

"Ash, I just know it's something terrible." Ali confessed her greatest fear. 

"We don't know enough to think like that. We have to stay positive, Alex." Ashlyn couldn't believe that she was the one talking about staying positive, but she couldn't let Ali down. She had to stay strong.

...

The next morning they had received a call from Jacob's primary care physician. He asked to see the women as soon as possible. When Ali mentioned Jacob's energy level, the doctor said he didn't need to come. Ali knew they were about to receive the worst news of their lives.

Ali woke up her wife who was once again asleep in Jacob's bed. She let her wife know what the doctor had said. The two had an unspoken agreement not to state the obvious about what they were expecting to hear, and try to hold it together. 

They both knew that a doctor doesn't ask to talk to you in person, without the patient, and in such sort notice, unless there was bad news to share. Ashlyn stayed quiet during the morning process of getting ready. Ali discussed with her parents what needed to happen while they were gone. 

Unlike her wife, Ali seemed to not be able to stop talking. Her attention to every detail made her feel like she had some sort of control. When in reality she was just as helpless as anyone else in the situation of having to watch their child suffer.

Ashlyn waited by the door with her keys in her hand and her head down. She leaned against the wall trying to keep her mind and emotions under control. She knew that Ali wasn't going to be able to take whatever news they were about to hear. She had to be there for her son, and for her wife.

Ali's Dad found a spot on the wall to lean on next to Ashlyn. He put an arm around her and with his other hand he took her keys from her. 

"I'm driving you two." He said, even though he wasn't sure Ashlyn heard him. 

Ali continued to make plans with her Mom but had noticed her wife's disconnected stare. She slid next to her so that Ash was sandwiched between Ali and her Dad. 

Ali placed her hand on the inside of Ashlyn's bicep and slid it down slowly until she reached her hand. She felt Ashlyn's fingers respond and grip her hand. It was a small gesture, but it meant that Ash was still with her. 

Ali knew Ashlyn needed her to stay strong. She also knew that she couldn't take another heartbreaking loss. She wasn't sure she would survive if something happened to one of their children. 

Both women secretly vowed to protect the other through whatever they were about to face. Both women would find that they needed each other now more than ever.

...

Ali's Dad stayed in the waiting room while his girls spoke with the doctor. The doctor didn't waste any time getting to the point.

"Your son has pneumonia." He said.

Ali thought that maybe she had worried for no reason. Pneumonia could be really bad but it wasn't usually life threatening for someone his age.

"Well, that's a relief." Ali said out loud. 

"Actually, his immune system is very weak. It's weaker than it was when we last saw him, even since last month he's gotten worse." The doctor cleared his throat and gave them a sympathetic look before continuing. "There are some major red flags in your son's blood work. I've called a specialist to confirm. I want him to have more tests done. But..." 

This was it, Ashlyn thought. This was the moment she would break.

"It looks like your son has leukemia." The man continued to speak but Ashlyn didn't hear him. It was as if her brain took her somewhere else. She saw a fly land on the doctor's clipboard and watched it walk a few steps before taking off for flight again. She started to feel anxious as she searched for where it went to, but couldn't find it. That fly was the only thing keeping her on the ground. Where did it go?

It was gone. And with it flew away Ashlyn's distraction. The voice of the doctor began to come back through the static in her head and sounded less fuzzy and more clear. 

Her son had cancer. Her son was sick. Her son was dying.

...

Ali was thankful her Dad had insisted on driving them to and from the doctor's office. She was trying to fill him in on the new information they had found out. Ashlyn sat in the back seat and pressed her head against the window. She put her hand up and waved to a girl who was playing with a younger boy on the sidewalk. She politely smiled and wondered if the girl went to Jake's school. They might even be friends, she thought.

It was Ali's voice that brought her back. "Baby?"

Ash felt like she was moving in slow motion. She slowly turned her attention to her wife and tried to focus on her words. She tried really hard to focus.

"Ashlyn, did you hear me?" Ali asked.

"No. Sorry." Ashlyn spoke. Those were the first two words Ali had heard her say since the doctor's office.

"I asked when you wanted to tell Jacob about what the doctor said?"

"Oh." Ash had now said three words since hearing that her son was sick.

Ali watched Ashlyn's eyes carefully. It was like she could actually see how hard her wife was trying to fight against the hopelessness inside her.

"I don't know." Ashlyn finally said. She hit her head with the heel of her hand and shut her eyes tightly. Ali unbuckled her seatbelt and climbed into the backseat. She cradled Ashlyn's head with both hands and pulled her head towards her. 

"Ashlyn, breathe." Ali whispered into her ear. Ali couldn't blame her wife for her difficulty to hold it together. "Breathe slowly. Slow. Slow. Slow." Ali spoke with a calm tone. She could feel Ashlyn catch her breath and come back to her. "There you are." Ali said as Ashlyn's eyes met her.

"I'm ok, Alex. Thank you."

...

The first thing Ashlyn did when they arrived back home was kiss the top of her children's heads as she passed the table they were sitting at eating their late breakfast that their grandma had made for them. Ashlyn's next stop was to pick up Monster and take him outside. She stared at the treehouse her oldest son had helped her work on just days before.

Ali thought that her wife was outside for the sake of their dog's bathroom needs, but what she was really doing was trying to figure out a way to finish Jacob's special exit route on the treehouse. 

She feared the worst. And she wanted to make sure it was finished and that he saw it before it was too late.


	132. Hard Work (Part Six)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Brief strong language

Ashlyn took her wife's hand in her own and they gave each other an understanding nod. It was time to tell Jacob what the doctor had told them. Ali held tight to Ashlyn's hand and used her other hand to hold onto Ashlyn's arm. She felt nervous. Everything was about to change for Jacob. 

Ali didn't have the heart to begin. She didn't know what to say. Ashlyn, surprisingly enough, was the one who rose to the occasion. 

"Son, we need to talk to you for a minute. It's pretty important." Ashlyn said.

Jake was sitting on the couch in the living room playing one of his video games. He paused the game and put the controller down. Ashlyn and Ali were standing in front of him staring down at his tired brown eyes. Ashlyn decided she needed to get to his level. She pried her hand out of her wife's tight grip and placed it on the small of her back. She gently nudged her to take a seat next to their son. Ash knelt down in front of him and put her hand on his knee. Ali covered Ashlyn's hand with her own.

Ash took a deep breath and put on a brave face. "Your doctor told us that you have pneumonia. He said that it came on quickly because your immune system is weak." Ashlyn glanced quickly at her wife and immediately felt Ali squeeze her hand. "He said that you have cancer. It's a type of cancer called Leukemia. He has scheduled an appointment for us to see a specialist in the morning."

Jacob's eyes were fixed on Ashlyn. He was quiet, but didn't freak out. Ali guessed that he must be in shock. She moved her hand from his knee and put her arm around him. "Sweetheart, are you ok?" Ali asked.

He snapped out of his daze and answered. "Rachel guessed right."

Ali was done hearing about his trouble-making girlfriend. Especially at a time like this, she did not have the patience for his teenage puppy love. "What?" Ali asked. 

She tried to keep her tone from sounding irritated. She rolled her eyes and caught her wife smiling. Ashlyn didn't seem as bothered as Ali did at the mention of the girl's name. She actually thought it was kind of cute, but she thought it was even more cute that Ali was so protective of him.

Jacob further explained. "Rach was looking up my symptoms and the way my health has progressed. She tells me different guesses of what she finds out with her research everyday that she comes over."

"Smart girl." Ashlyn said.

"Yeah, she's seriously a genius. I told her she should be a doctor." Jacob's response to the bad news was to brag about his friend. Ali didn't know whether to be relieved that he wasn't as broken up about it as she was, or annoyed that his crush was absolutely ridiculous. Jake pulled out his phone while his stunned parents tried to figure out how to respond to his positive, or more like oblivious, outlook. "I should text her and let her know she was right. She'll like that."

"She'll 'like' that?" Ali was done humoring the boy. "Jacob, this is a serious thing."

"Alex!" Ashlyn cut her off. She figured a positive hopeful attitude was the best thing their son could have. 

Ali caught on to her wife's thought and resigned her stance. "Go ahead and text her. Maybe she'll have you cured by lunch." Ali said. She kissed his cheek and left to join her mother in the kitchen.

"Don't mind her." Ash whispered to her son. "She's just jealous that you're giving your attention to another girl. She wants you all to herself." Ashlyn joked. "Little does she know, you're all mine!" Ash gave him her own version of 'crazy eyes' to get her son to see she was kidding. The boy's laugh was like medicine to her soul. During those moments things felt normal. They felt happy. Ashlyn stood up and bent down to kiss her son's forehead. "Love you, son. Now get back to blowing things up." Ash said and handed him his game controller.

"Love you too, Mama." Jake smiled. 

He actually seemed happy, which made Ashlyn feel hopeful.

...

Just like every other day after school Rachel showed up at the Krieger-Harris' front door. This time her Dad was with her and spent some time with Ali's Dad in the back yard talking. The two men got along great. They actually had a lot in common.

Rachel found Jake still on the couch playing video games. Ali carefully watched the two teenagers. Rachel gave her son a hug before sitting down next to him and showing him the school work from the day. Ashlyn caught her glaring at the girl.

"Hey, Babe." Ash said. She knew she startled her wife when she noticed her jump a little at her words. "You look a little guilty. What are you up to?"

"I'm not up to anything. Shut up." Ali answered. Now she sounded guilty.

"You're eavesdropping. Bad form, Krieger." Ashlyn teased.

"Don't judge me. And the name's Krieger-Harris. Don't make me tell you again." Ali walked past her wife and right out the front door.

Ashlyn was confused, but nothing seemed normal these days, so she went with it and followed Ali outside. Her wife had taken a seat on their front porch swing. Ash filled the open space next to her. Once she had sat down, Ali leaned against her and rested her head on her shoulder.

"I feel like we're living inside a dream, right now. How is this real?" Ali wondered out loud.

Ashlyn put an arm around her as if to form a protective barrier between her and the cruel world they were currently living in. "I wish it was a dream." Ashlyn replied.

"Ash, what are we going to do?" The time for dreaming was over. They had to come back to reality and face the scary truth.

"Well, Jake is looking pretty good today. So, the first thing we do is thank God for that. The second thing we do is to stay positive. We're gonna have a lot of hard days ahead, but it's still ok for us to smile and find joy where ever we can." Ashlyn answered.

Ashlyn's therapy sessions were paying off. She had learned that sadness and even grieving can have moments of laughter and happiness mixed with sorrow. They needed to let themselves be free to feel whatever the moment was that they were in. This would be especially important for the sake of all three of their children.

"Today, let's be happy that our son is happy. Tomorrow the specialist will tell us what our next steps are and we'll take it from there." Ash finished her thought.

"Yeah." Ali quietly agreed. 

What else could they possibly do? They had to wait and put Jacob in the best position possible to get better.

...

"Mrs. Krieger-Harris?" Rachel approached Ashlyn cautiously.

"Who? You can call me Ashlyn. Calling me Mrs. Krieger-Harris makes me sound old." Ashlyn replied.

"Your wife said I should call her Mrs. Krieger-Harris, so I assumed you would want me to do the same."

"Well, she's old. So it makes sense for you to call her that. I'm young. No matter what my son may tell you. I am young and in my prime." Ashlyn set the record straight. "Anyway, what's up?"

"Well, Jake told me you were taking him to the specialist tomorrow. I'm assuming the doctor is going to give you more details about his condition and possible treatment options. I was reading about a new study that has been done recently involving Vitamin C IV drips. It's been described as miraculous by some patients." Rachel unfolded a piece of paper from her back pocket that had the information she was talking about written on it in her small genius messy handwriting. "I thought maybe you would want to ask the doctor about it." She handed the paper to Ashlyn. "It couldn't hurt, right?" 

"Sure." Ashlyn took the paper from her. She was truly speechless. Who the heck was this girl?

...

"Oh I'm sure, Ashlyn. Let's ask the fourteen year-old girlfriend to come up with the cure for our sick son. I'll tell the doctor that his years of education and experience are all a waste and unnecessary. Let's just tell him that we don't need his help. Our son's little high school girlfriend has got it all figured out." Ali was worked up. Her worry and anxiety for the following day's appointment was causing her to overreact to Rachel's desire to help her friend. 

"Ok, you need to stop." Ashlyn responded to her wife's sarcastic and flat out mean response to a young girl's efforts to help their son.

"You're telling me you're not annoyed by that girl?"

"Alex, I wish you could take a step back and listen to yourself. I know emotions are high right now, but you're just being plain mean to a child that cares about our son. And all she's trying to do is help make him feel better." Ashlyn shook her head and finished her thought. "So no, I don't find that annoying. I find that really amazing."

"Don't lecture me, Ashlyn." Ali said with frustration evident in her voice. "We are parents. Our job is to do what's best for our children, even when it might seem mean or inconvenient. You try to be our kid's best friend. So, obviously you choose to support and stick up for a teenage know-it-all over your own wife. I mean how else are you going to be able to make sure they always choose you over me?" Ali was on a roll. She had finally found someone she could take out her anger on. 

She wasn't really angry at Ashlyn. She was angry at the injustice of the situation. She was angry that her son, who had already suffered enough, was now in a situation that could take his life away from him. But she couldn't do anything about the situation. She couldn't tell cancer off. She couldn't shake her fist at the universe and put it in it's place. Taking it out on Ashlyn was too easy. The opportunity to release the volcano that had been bubbling up inside her was there. So she took it.

"Maybe if you would stop being selfish and think about what's best for your children, instead of what's easy for you, you would be the parent they need instead of the parent they want." Ali's words were like sword thrusts in Ashlyn's gut. 

Ashlyn was seeing red. She wanted to lash out, but instead she stayed silent. She felt her heart rate rise in her chest. She felt her emotions boil up to the surface. After an awkwardly long amount of time of silence, she answered her wife.

"You cannot speak to me that way. How dare you?" Ashlyn slammed her fist into a nearby wall and started to walk away. She stopped short of completely leaving Ali alone with her thoughts to add one more things. "You want to know what selfish looks like? How about a parent who would rather be right about their cruel assessment of a child, than to appreciate an act of kindness? Or how about a wife who would dare question my love for my own children?" 

Ashlyn turned back around and walked away.

...

Ali left Ashlyn to stew while she picked up Lexi from her ballet class. The entire drive was a painful replay of the fight with her wife. When they got home Ali searched for Ashlyn to apologize. She found her in the back yard with Samuel and Monster. She approached her wife humbly and asked cautiously if they could talk. Ashlyn simply responded by saying, "No."

Ali went back inside to check on Jacob and figure out what level of apologizing and sucking up would be needed for her wife to forgive her. She waited until bedtime to find out. They split up for story time and the tucking in of their youngest children. Ali finished first because Lexi was a lot easier to put to bed. She waited anxiously for Ashlyn to come to bed. When Ash finally did arrive she wanted to say something but Ash headed straight for the bathroom and closed the door. She heard the lock turn and knew she wasn't welcome to interrupt.

Ali waited in bed, pretending to read a book about organization. Ashlyn opened the door and headed to her side of the bed. Now was Ali's chance to make things right. "Ash, I'm really sorry about what I said."

Ashlyn grabbed her pillow and answered angrily, "Don't talk to me." She could feel a heat fill her chest and rise to her throat.

"Baby, I'm really sorry." Ali begged for her wife to show her some mercy.

"You're always sorry."

"Ashlyn?"

"You know what? I'm starting to feel sorry, too." Ashlyn said. This would have made Ali feel a little better if the words didn't sound so angry. "I'm sorry I keep forgiving you for the same fucking bullshit over and over again."

Ali hadn't heard her wife talk like that to anyone in a long time, and she never thought she would hear her say that to her. She had really messed up.

With Ali's Mom in town and staying in the guest room, Ashlyn slept on the couch that night.

...

Both Ashlyn and Ali couldn't sleep. Ashlyn was tired of being a punching bag. She was barely making it, and Ali wasn't helping. Ali felt guilty and hurt. Of course, the biggest weight on both of their chests was their son's health and future. 

Ashlyn got up early. She didn't want anyone but Ali to know she slept on the couch. She snuck into their room and gathered a change of clothes in the dark. Ali was awake and watched her. Her eyes had long been adjusted to the darkness and she could easily see Ashlyn, even though Ash couldn't see her.

Ashlyn had her clothes rolled in a ball under her arm as she felt for the door. Ali finally broke the silence. "Where are you going?" 

Ashlyn froze in place. She hadn't yet decided how she was going to proceed with her wife. "Out." Ash turned the knob on the door and started to leave. Ali jumped up and met her halfway through the door. 

She whispered, "You can't leave. We have Jacob's appointment." 

"I know." Ash answered. She had no intention of missing it, but she didn't mind Ali wondering if she would blow it off. 

"What about Lex and Sam? We need to get them ready for school." Ali asked quietly. The whole house was quiet and she didn't want to wake anyone.

"I'm a terrible parent, anyway. I'll probably mess things up. You don't need me." Ashlyn said. She continued her journey to the front door. 

It took Ali a minute to really take in what her wife had said to her. Once it hit her she followed after Ashlyn to beg for her to forgive her and give her another chance. Thankfully for Ali, Ashlyn still had to change into the clothes she had gathered. Ali waited in the kitchen for Ash to exit the guest bathroom.

Ali saw her wife turn the corner of the hallway and proceed toward the front door. She had her running clothes on and was putting on her running shoes. Ali watched Ashlyn tie one shoe, and realized her time was running out to make things right.

"Ash, I'm really sorry about what I said. Please forgive me. You're a great parent. You're the best parent, actually. Please forgive me, Baby. I'm so sorry." Ali pleaded.

Ashlyn slowed down her shoe tying process and considered forgiving Ali. Ali could see it happening. She knew it was coming. But then she watched Ashlyn's jaw clench and she pulled hard on the ends of the lace and made a tight knot. Whatever thought of mercy that had passed through Ashlyn's mind was long gone. 

Ashlyn left without a word.

...

Ashlyn returned just in time to shower and change before leaving for Jacob's appointment. Ali had set aside a plate of breakfast for her that she could take on the way, but Ashlyn reached right past the food and grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl. She didn't want any part of Ali's peace offerings.

On the way to the doctor Jacob had an apology of his own to make. "Mama?" 

"Yeah?" Ashlyn answered immediately causing Ali to feel a little sad at the fact that Ash was icing her out.

"I'm really sorry that I'm messing everything up for you." Jacob said.

"What are you talking about?" Ash asked.

"You should be at camp right now. You worked so hard and finally got your chance. And now, I've messed that up." 

Jacob felt horrible about the timing of his sickness. Ali felt horrible about her accusations from the day before. Ashlyn had not once complained to her about the possibility of missing out on the opportunity that she had worked all of her life for. Ashlyn laid her own dream down in order to be there for their son. Now Ali really felt guilty.

"Son, the only place I should be is with you." Ash answered.

"But you worked so hard. This is your dream..." Jake tried to convince his Mama that she should be upset with him.

Ashlyn interrupted him and said, "And now we will work hard together to get you better. That's my new dream."


	133. The Hole

9:36pm

"I think Ashlyn might be thinking about leaving me."

...

EARLIER THAT DAY...

4:52am

Ali was wide awake. This was the third morning in a row that she woke up from a very fitful night's sleep to find Ashlyn's side of the bed cold and empty.

Ashlyn wasn't on the couch anymore. She was rotating through her children's beds. On that particular morning Ash was with Lexi. As far as the children were concerned everything was fine. 

Ali's parents were almost always around and they did notice a difference in the women. However, because of the circumstances with Jacob's health, they didn't expect things to be normal anyway. So they were in the dark of what was really going on also.

Ali and Ashlyn were parenting and going about their daily routines as if everything was fine, but there was a certain unconnected space between them. Ali had tried to talk to Ashlyn, but she refused to give her a chance. 

Ali was tired of being the only one trying.

...

10:17am

Jacob's oncologist was happy with his prognosis. He believed that he would be ok if he was careful and did everything he was supposed to. Jacob begged his parents to return to camp with the national team. He even got his doctor to write a note stating that it was in the best interest of his health for his parents to go. It was ridiculous, but it worked. 

Once the women knew for sure that their son was stable and receiving the proper care needed, they felt much better about being away.

...

2:13pm

Ashlyn and Ali sat in silence as the plane took them to meet up with their team. It was a long and awkward ride. Now that the children weren't around to act as a buffer, their fragmented relationship was front and center. Ali thought about saying something before they arrived, but she knew Ashlyn wouldn't respond anyway. So why try?

...

6:38pm

"Welcome back, guys!" Lauren grabbed both women and squeezed them together so that she could hug them at the same time.

That was the most contact they had with each other since the big fight.

They entire team wanted to hear about Jacob and make sure he was ok. Ashlyn let Ali do all the talking. That's what people would expect to happen, anyway. She was the more emotional one. And people knew she got quiet when she was emotional. 

Ashlyn didn't think anyone would pressure her to open up. She was the one that people tiptoed around because people viewed her as damaged. At least that's how she felt.

Tobin and Alex helped them carry their bags to their room. Once they got there, the engaged couple invited them to get dinner. Ashlyn waited for Ali to answer. When she said she would go, Ashlyn made an excuse to stay in for the night.

Ali never felt more alone.

...

7:02pm

Ashlyn left the hotel room.

...

7:25pm

"So...Jake is going to be ok?" Tobin asked.

"Hopefully. He's going to have to get chemo eventually, but the doctor feels really good about his chances." Ali explained.

"How are YOU doing?" Alex asked.

"Not great." Ali answered honestly.

"You said his doctor gave him a good report. Try to focus on the positives." Tobin encouraged. She had no idea what was really bothering Ali.

"I'm trying." Ali said. She wanted to run and hide. 

After a two hour dinner with Alex and Tobin they decided to call it a night. The engaged couple walked Ali to her door. Ali froze. She didn't want to open the door and return to the loneliness of being with her wife. That's when she finally shared what was on her heart.

"I think Ashlyn might be thinking about leaving me."

"What?" Alex blurted out. Both Alex and Tobin were noticeably shocked.

"We had a big fight. She only speaks to me when it is absolutely necessary. I really hurt her. I deserve it. I deserve for her to leave me." Ali broke down in the hallway in front of her friends. In the back of her mind she was worried and embarrassed that Ashlyn might hear. But she simply couldn't hold it in any longer.

"Ali, Ash would never leave you." Tobin tried to comfort her.

"You don't know." Ali wept. "I keep hurting her. I'm all she has and she isn't safe with me. Why should she stay?" Ali was a blubbering mess.

Alex took Ali's keycard out of her hand and knocked lightly on the door before opening it. She was certain that if Ashlyn saw her wife broken like this, she would forgive her in a heartbeat.

Unfortunately Alex opened the door to find the room was empty. 

Ashlyn was gone.

...

1:47am

Ashlyn quietly opened the door. She prayed Ali was asleep. She didn't want to have to explain things to her.

"Where were you?"

Ali was awake.

Ashlyn looked up as Ali turned on her bedside light. Ash still wasn't ready to talk.

"Ashlyn! Where were you?" Ali asked. Now it was her turn to be angry.

Still no answer.

"Whether you like it or not, we are still married...at least for now, anyway. You can't just disappear and not tell me." Ali lectured.

Ashlyn dropped her head in defeat. Did Ali just say she wanted a divorce? Ash fled to the bathroom. She locked the door and immediately turned on the shower.

Though Ali couldn't see or hear her wife, she was familiar with the routine. Ashlyn didn't want her to hear her crying. 

Ali turned off her light and laid down in bed. She didn't need to hear Ash's cries. She didn't need to see the tears streaking down her cheeks. She had caused it enough times in the past to have her wife's broken heart memorized.

Maybe it would be better for Ashlyn if she wasn't around to hurt her anymore. Ali had never felt regret as deeply as she felt it in this moment. 

When Ashlyn had finished in the bathroom, Ali heard the door open and a few quiet sniffles. She could see from the light of the bathroom that her wife's eyes were red and glossy. 

Ali pretended to be asleep as Ashlyn climbed into the other bed in the room. Ali's guilt was thumping in her chest with each heartbeat. 

When Ashlyn had finally settled in, and the room was completely silent, Ali whispered into the darkness, "I'm sorry."

Maybe Ashlyn had already fallen asleep. Maybe not. But Ali heard nothing in return.

...

The next morning Ali had decided she had had enough. "Listen..." Ali got Ashlyn's attention as they both got ready for breakfast with the team. "We have both worked hard to be here. If we want to keep our chances of both of us starting, then we at least need to be professional. Which means, you can't ignore me." 

"Ok." Ashlyn spoke. Ali thought maybe she had finally broken through. "When we're on the field, we're just normal teammates." 

That wasn't exactly what Ali wanted, but it was something.

...

That day practice was extra hard for the Krieger-Harris women. They hadn't exactly been keeping up with their fitness and getting enough sleep in the past several days. Ali noticed that her wife was physically hurting. She assumed it was her back, but Ash was doing a good job of hiding it. 

Ali got a chance to pull her wife aside for a moment and ask her about it when the team dismissed to the locker room after practice.

"Ash, you need to tell a trainer you're injured." Ali said. She had grabbed Ashlyn's arm to get her to slow down and talk.

Ash yanked her arm away from Ali's grip and answered. "Why do you care? Leave me alone."

"Ashlyn, this is your health. It's not about our fight. It's about you taking care of yourself." Ali tried to reason with her.

"Again, Alex...why do you care? You can't wait to divorce me." Ashlyn swallowed the lump that had developed in her throat and wiped at her eyes to soak up any stray tears. She walked away and found a spot to walk next to Hope as she passed by. She knew Ali wouldn't say anything in front of the other goalkeeper.

When Ali heard the hurt in her wife's voice at the mention of the word 'divorce' she knew she had dug herself into a deep hole. Ashlyn wasn't thinking of leaving her, but Ali put the thought in her head the night before. Now Ashlyn thought she was the one who wanted to leave.

"How many more times can I hurt her before she actually does leave me?"


	134. Release

"Don't be an idiot." Hope said. She never held back, especially when it came to Ashlyn.

While the rest of the team was giving Ashlyn her space and were being sensitive to what her and her wife were going through in terms of their son, Hope spoke without a sentimental filter.

"What are you talking about?" Ashlyn asked a little confused but not surprised by her friend's lack of manners.

"You're hurt." Hope got right to the point.

"I'm fine, Hope." Ashlyn raised the volume in her voice enough to make her point clear. She wasn't going to give up now.

Hope rolled her eyes. Why should she care? If Ashlyn injured herself more, maybe she wouldn't have to give up any of her playing time....but that's not the way Hope works.

"Get it together, Harris! You're being an ass." Once again, Hope expressed her opinion in her own way.

"What are you talking about?" Ashlyn was about to lose her patience with the outspoken keeper. 

"I'm talking about how your career is much bigger than one or two starts. You're playing a risky game by ignoring a painful problem to try to make it work short term." Hope said.

"You don't understand. I left my sick son at home to come here and make him proud." Ashlyn's voice broke. She turned her head away from Hope and wiped away the extra moisture from her eyes. She was really getting tired of crying.

"Ok. Injure yourself more. That's your decision. But one more piece of advice for you..." Hope softened her tone and put a hand on Ashlyn's shoulder. "Your marriage is bigger than whatever drama you and Ali are going through, right now. Deal with what you need to deal with to make it work. That girl loves you." Hope rolled her eyes. Things were getting too sappy. She needed to bring things back to her comfort zone. "Who knows why she loves you? Don't mess it up, Harris!" 

Hope smacked Ashlyn hard on the back and left her to think about what she had said. Ash tried to recover from the sting that was left behind by Hope's hand. More importantly she tried to figure out how to fix the mess she found herself in.

...

Ashlyn gingerly walked to her and Ali's room. Her back was killing her. Her head was pounding from stress and lack of sleep. And her heart was breaking from the struggle of trying to find her way back to her wife.

Not long after Ashlyn's arrival, Ali found her asleep in what looked to be an awkward position, confirming to her that her wife had indeed injured her back. Ali didn't know what to do. She wanted to lie next to her and hold her. She wanted to bring comfort and to show her that she's perfect just the way she is. She wanted to ask for forgiveness.

She settled for watching her wife sleep from a distance. She sat on her own bed and observed every detail of Ashlyn's face. She wished she could cover that face with kisses. She memorized the curve of her lips and longed to taste them. She was dying to be close with her wife again. She truly missed her.

...

Ashlyn woke up in a lot of pain. She felt like everything in her life was deteriorating. She didn't dare move because the pain in her back was too severe. 

Her pride and anger kept her from asking her wife for help. She pretended to be asleep to hide it from her. But Ashlyn was never good at hiding anything from Ali.

Ali noticed the small careful movements Ashlyn made. She knew she was hurting. "Ash, do you want me to get the trainer?"

As childish as it might sound Ashlyn debated whether she should speak or not. She had done a good job of ignoring Ali for several days. It felt weird giving an answer easily. 

"Ashlyn! I know you're awake. And I know you're in pain. I'm not going to let you suffer. Even if you won't talk to me, I can't let you keep hurting yourself." Ali said.

Ashlyn was afraid to be vulnerable with Ali. Her vulnerability often brought anxiety. It opened her up for dark things to enter her mind and heart. In this moment, Ashlyn was truly scared of Ali.

"Ashlyn?" 

"Please leave me alone." Ashlyn was desperate for Ali to stay away. She felt like a sinking ship filling up with water and Ali was the final wave to take her under.

That was the moment Ali realized that Ashlyn wasn't mad at her anymore. She was afraid of her. Ali didn't know where to go from here. A lot of who Ali is has been defined in taking care of those she loves, and now the one she loves the most is suffering because of her. She was desperate to fix this.

"Ashlyn, I'm so sorry that I've hurt you. You're the love of my life. I don't know what else to do, but try to help you." Ali was at her breaking point. 

She was questioning who she was as a person. How was it even possible for her to hurt someone as much as she had hurt her wife? She didn't know where to go from here. She couldn't bear to watch Ashlyn struggle like this, but she was the one causing it.

"I'll leave you alone." Ali finally surrendered to her wife's request. She wanted to say more. She wanted to be close enough to Ashlyn to hold her. Instead she settled for respecting Ashlyn's wishes.

Ali grabbed her phone and a bag of stuff and left Ashlyn alone.

...

The next time Ali saw Ashlyn was at a team meeting later that day. Ali had gotten there a little early. She had been trying to respect her wife's request of giving her space. She spent the time away wandering around and thinking about how to fix things.

Ashlyn showed up at the last minute and had plenty of options of where to sit. She ended up choosing to sit next to Ali. This caused Ali's hopes to rise about their chances of reconciliation. After the meeting, Hope took it upon herself to get Ashlyn talking. She had good intentions, but Ashlyn was anything but appreciative.

"So Ali..." Hope looked around to make sure no one was looking or listening to what she was about to say. "Has your wife told you?" Hope asked. She put a heavy hand on Ashlyn's shoulder. 

Ash was still seated and Hope was standing above her acting as if she wasn't even there. Ali glanced down at her wife and could see that she was uncomfortable, both physically and emotionally.

"Leave her alone, Hope." Ali defended her wife. She didn't think Hope was funny. She didn't like that she picked on her for her own entertainment.

Hope was actually being a jerk for a good reason. She knew Ali was protective. She knew Ashlyn needed to let Ali protect her. She was hoping she could be a sort of catalyst to making that happen.

"What did I do?" Hope faked innocence. "I'm just wondering if Ashlyn has let you in on her little secret." 

"Stop. I'm serious, Hope. Leave her alone." Ali's tone was stern and bold. Not many people would speak to Hope Solo that way, but Ali didn't care. All she cared about was her wife.

During this exchange Ashlyn stayed quiet. She wished she could've been invisible. Her feelings were running wild and she had no idea where they would land.

"Whatever you say, Alex." Hope said. She called Ali the name that only Ashlyn called her. That got Ashlyn's attention. She felt that someone else had taken something intimate between her and her wife, and made it less special. She didn't like that at all.

"Enough, Hope!" Ashlyn stood up and got into her fellow keeper's face. "I know what you're doing. You need to stop."

"Whatever you say, Harris." Hope backed off and gave Ali a wink. She had accomplished her mission. She had faith that Ash and Ali would take care of the rest.

...

After the meeting, both women returned to their room. Ali wanted to tread carefully. She didn't want to push Ashlyn in a direction she didn't want to go. She was finally learning to listen to what Ash needed, instead of trying to fix everything without her permission. 

"I'm gonna take a bath. Do you need in here before I do?" Ashlyn asked. Her tone was calm and kind.

"No, I'm fine. Thanks." Ali answered. It took everything in her to leave it at that. She wanted to talk about deeper things.

Ashlyn's back was killing her. She thought that a warm bath might be what she needed to find some comfort. She was also hoping she might find some peace of mind, as well.

Ali busied herself by studying her son's medical information. The doctor had sent a bunch of papers home with her to explain more about what her son would be going through in the coming months. She had her laptop out and looked up all the medical terms and words she didn't quite understand.

She hadn't realized how long Ash had been in the bathroom until she heard strange splashing noises and a thud. She got up to have a closer listen and to check on her wife.

She gently knocked on the door. "Ash, are you ok?" 

She heard a whimper of pain and began to worry. "Ashlyn, are you ok?"

"Uh, yeah." Ashlyn said. Ali could hear that her wife was in pain.

"Baby, I'm coming in there." Ali wanted to be respectful about giving Ashlyn space, but she knew something was wrong. 

She slowly opened the door and found her wife still in the tub and water all over the floor. She was confused about what was going on. 

"I can't get out." Ashlyn said. She was embarrassed to admit that she was stuck.

"What do you mean?"

"My back...it hurts." Ashlyn answered. She had tried to stand up from the bathtub and her back spasmed causing her to fall back to the water. Every movement made things worse.

"Can I help you?" Ali asked. This was actually a breakthrough in itself. The fact that Ali was giving Ashlyn the power to let her in or keep her out, was new territory for her. She usually pushed things on her wife, always with the best of intentions, and Ashlyn would just accept it.

"Yes, please." Ashlyn answered.

Progress.

Ali grabbed Ashlyn underneath her arms and slid her arms around her. In any other context, Ali would've had a hard time controlling her sexual desires. She had her hot, wet, naked wife in her arms. But Ashlyn was in pain. She stayed focused.

Ali let Ashlyn rest her weight on her as much as possible as she carefully stood and stepped out of the tub. Once Ashlyn's feet were firmly set on the floor, Ali wrapped a towel around her.

"Sweetheart, be careful. The floor is wet." Ali stretched her hand out to Ashlyn. It was up to Ashlyn to take it.

She took it.

Ali carefully helped her wife to the dry floor outside the bathroom. "Do you need help getting dressed?" Ali asked.

"Yes, please." Ashlyn answered quietly.

Ali carefully helped her to her bed to sit down. She rummaged through Ashlyn's clothes and then helped her get dressed. 

"Thank you." Ashlyn whispered. From where she was sitting on the bed she looked up at her wife, who was graciously trying to help her. Ashlyn slowly reached for Ali's hand and squeezed it before letting go.

It was the first gesture of tenderness Ali had been given in days from her usually affectionate wife.

It made her miss Ashlyn even more.


	135. Beginning & End

Ashlyn was given the day off of practice to get medical treatment and to rest her back. Ali used the short break between the first and second practice of the day to check on her wife. 

Ashlyn was lying face down on a massage table. She had electro massage leads attached to her back that sent a constant electric current into her tight muscles.

Ali sat down on the floor next to where Ashlyn's head stuck out. "How are you feeling?" Ali asked.

"Good. I've been getting massages all morning." Ash replied.

"How long are you going to have to rest it?" 

"Don't know yet. Hopefully today will get everything back on track." Ashlyn chuckled. "Get it?"

Ali did not get it.

"BACK on track. It's my back that's messed up and that needs to get BACK on track. Get it?" Ash explained her stupid joke.

"Good one." Ali answered. She didn't even roll her eyes. She felt things were starting to look a little more normal between them. Ashlyn could tell all the dumb jokes she wanted if it meant they were talking again.

"How's practice?" Ash asked. She wished she could be out there with the rest of the team.

"The usual. Nothing too exciting." Ali didn't want to make her wife feel bad about missing it, so she played it down.

Ali had set an alarm on her phone to warn her that she needed to head back. When the alert went off, Ashlyn noticed a look of sadness on her wife's face. Ali was disappointed their time together had to end. 

"Thanks for checking in." Ashlyn let Ali know that she knew she had to go.

"Sorry, I wish I could stay longer. I'm sure you're bored." Ali said.

"Yeah, it's a little lonely." 

"I'll be thinking of you." Ali said. Her face turned bright red from embarrassment. Why did she say that? It sounded so stupid, she thought.

Ashlyn stifled a chuckle and said. "Thanks." 

The whole situation reminded both of them of an awkward first date. And maybe that was a good thing.

...

Ashlyn hated being apart from the rest of the team, but the rest and treatment was a godsend. She was able to lay down without experiencing any pain, meaning she was finally able to get some sleep. She was hoping a long nap would help her get her mind right. The shortage of sleep was not helping her sort out her very complicated feelings about herself or Ali.

Ali smiled when she saw her wife sleeping both soundly and comfortably. Ali noted that Ashlyn's face seemed to look at peace. Whatever was ahead between her and Ashlyn, she was at least glad that her wife was getting better.

Ashlyn's phone alarm woke her a half hour before dinner. She wanted time to wake up before meeting with the rest of the team. When she reached for her phone to silence it she noticed Ali was in the other bed smiling in her direction.

"Hey." Ash grunted.

"Hi there." Ali said. She was so thankful Ash was feeling better.

Ashlyn scrolled through her notifications and saw that she had missed a call from her therapist. That struck her as a little strange. "My therapist called." Ash announced.

Ali's smile left her face immediately. She had a confession to make. "I called her yesterday when you asked me to leave."

"You called her...about me?" Ashlyn asked. She didn't know how to feel about that. She wondered if Ali was calling to tell her therapist about what a mess she was.

"No. I called about me." Ali answered shyly.

"What do mean?" 

"I mean..." Ali took a deep breath to try and quiet her own fears. "I told her I needed help."

"You did?" Ashlyn asked. It never crossed her mind that Ali would do that. Ashlyn always considered herself the 'damaged' one. Ali was the normal one in their relationship.

Ali began to spin her wedding ring nervously around her finger. 

"Ashlyn, I'm beginning to realize that I have a problem. I never knew how much I was capable of hurting you until recently. I should've seen it. I'm really sorry. Things can't stay this way. I won't let it. I promise you, whether you can ever forgive me or not, I will do my part to be better."

Ashlyn was stunned. She had no response.

"Ash, I'm truly sorry." Ali apologized again. This time around, it fell on ears that were ready to hear it.

"I forgive you." Ashlyn said with noticeable reservation in her voice.

Ali knew things weren't fixed. But they were beginning to move in the right direction.

...

Ashlyn and Ali were still sleeping in separate beds, but at least they were talking. Ali had her wife's forgiveness but she was still working to gain her trust. She promised both herself and Ashlyn that she would do everything in her power to get it back.

The day after Ali received her wife's forgiveness the team had a day off from practice. Ali barely slept that night, thinking about how she was going to win her wife back. By the morning she had a plan and a stomach full of butterflies. 

"Ashlyn, can I talk to you for a minute?" Ali asked. The couple had just returned to their room after having breakfast with the team. 

Ash was getting ready for an afternoon of fun with Whitney and Pinoe. "Sure, whats up?" 

"I was wondering if um..." Ali was a ball of nerves. She felt like she was taking a huge risk and was worried her wife would reject her. "I was hoping you would let me take you out on a date tonight."

Ashlyn was caught off guard. She was usually the one to invite Ali on dates. This was new territory for the two of them. If Ashlyn was honest, she would have told Ali she wasn't quite ready for that, but she could tell it meant a lot to Ali. "Uh, ok."

Ali could tell she was hesitant, but she was happy she agreed to it. Ashlyn's birthday was coming soon, and Ali's Dad would soon be bringing Samuel to stay for the last week of camp with them. The women had a rule not to leave their youngest boy with anyone for more than a week. He needed consistent time with his parents and he was also a handful. It was just better for him to be with them. 

Ali was always happy to see her children, but Sam's arrival pressured her to fix things with Ashlyn as soon as possible. She knew they would halt any serious discussions with his little ears around to listen. She also thought it would be confusing for him if they were still in separate beds at night. He was a very sensitive boy, and though he may not understand, she was sure he would be affected by the tension between his parents.

A lot was riding on this date. 

...

Ali was nervous. She wanted everything to be perfect. She spent way too long getting ready. She was so nervous she thought about canceling several times. When she finally exited the bathroom she noticed that her wife seemed calm and collected. Ashlyn was sitting against the headboard of her bed, with her legs stretched out and crossed at the ankles. She was cooly flipping through the channels waiting for her wife to finish getting ready.

Ashlyn looked cool, but she was nervous too. She didn't want to disappoint her wife, but she was unsure about where to go from here. She wanted to forgive and forget, but the forgiving was hard and the forgetting was impossible. 

Ali saw her wife and noticed that she seemed deep in thought about something. She used the opportunity to grab a few things for their date and exit the room without being noticed. Ali stood outside their door and leaned her forehead against it. She placed her palm against the cold handle of the door.

"What am I doing?" She whispered to herself. She felt like she was going to throw up. She took a shaky breath in and knocked on the door. 

Ashlyn heard the knock and waited for her wife to answer it. Confused by the fact that her wife was not in the room, she got up to answer. She opened the door to find her very nervous date.

"Hi, I got you these." Ali said. She handed Ashlyn a white paper bag. Ashlyn opened it to find two brownies drizzled in caramel. 

"Wow, thanks." Ashlyn said. She wasn't expecting a gift.

"I had to talk to the kitchen to get them to make it the way you like it. But I knew you would rather have food than flowers." Ali explained.

Ashlyn was surprised by her wife's thoughtfulness. It wasn't out of Ali's character to do sweet things for her, but Ashlyn still didn't take it for granted.

...

Ali went throwback for their date night. She took Ashlyn out to dinner and then to see a movie, just like their very first date so many years ago. At the movie she bought a big bucket of popcorn and a huge soda to share with her wife. When Ashlyn asked why she spent so much for the biggest size, Ali assured her it was worth it. Ali wasn't going to cut any corners when it came to her wife. Her usual thrifty mindset was no match for her desire to show Ashlyn that she was her biggest priority.

During the movie, Ali worked up the courage to do a replay of Ashlyn's yawn and stretch move from their first date. When Ashlyn first did it, Ali thought it was a joke. She didn't know how nerve wracking taking that step was for her then-girlfriend. At this moment, with beads of sweat gathering on her forehead, she understood why Ashlyn was nervous.

Ali gave herself a quick mental pep talk and did the move. She leaned forward, just like Ashlyn did years ago. She stretched her back and yawned, covering her mouth with her left hand and then reaching it back behind her wife. She let her arm rest on Ashlyn's shoulders and held her breath waiting for her wife to respond.

Ali felt her wife stiffen. She knew she was uncomfortable by the contact, but she didn't move away. Ali held her ground until she felt Ashlyn finally relax. She would have to settle for that small sign of comfort. She didn't want to push Ashlyn too hard. 

...

In keeping with staying true to their fist date agenda, the women spent the rest of the night talking as they walked the streets near their hotel. Ali wanted to hold Ashlyn's hand, but she felt like she needed to let Ashlyn be the one to initiate anymore contact. Unfortunately, Ash kept at least six inches of space between the two, solidifying to Ali that she had to take things slow.

The women had spoken mostly about their children and soccer-related things. Ali finally decided it was time for her to get down to business. "Ash, do you mind if we sit down for a minute?" Ali pointed to a bench a few feet away. Ashlyn nodded and followed her to it. Once they had both sat down, Ali continued. "I wanted to make sure you were ok with me calling your therapist. I can talk to someone else, if you prefer."

"No, it's fine. I trust her." Ashlyn said. 

Ali couldn't help but feel a twinge of sadness. Her wife said she trusted her therapist, not her.

"Good, I'm glad you feel that way. I want you to know, that I get it. I understand that I need to change some things. I just want to make sure you know that...and I hope you'll wait for me." Ali said. She began to feel her face warm up and she felt flushed. She was playing with her hands, trying to still the shaking that had started when things got serious.

"Ali, relax." Ashlyn placed her calm hand over Ali's shaky ones. "Do you remember what we talked about on our first date? When we were walking around aimlessly and I kept you out past curfew?"

"I remember you got mad because you got me back late."

"Before that." Ashlyn laughed. "Do you remember what we talked about?" Ashlyn now held Ali's hands with both of her own and leaned in close to her wife. "You asked me why I waited for you. And I told you that when I almost lost you, because of your heart problems in college, I knew that I had no other option but to wait for you. Right now, things kinda suck between us. I'm sorry about that. I've been thinking that maybe I'm all wrong in this, ya know? Like...maybe if emotions weren't so high because of Jake's health, I probably wouldn't have cared as much. I wouldn't have gotten angry. But then I wonder if it's good that I got angry. Not because of the difficulty that it created, but because it meant that maybe I'm getting some confidence in myself." 

Ashlyn sensed that she was rambling and needed to get back to the point. She took a breath and squeezed her wife's hands. She gave a quick smile to let Ali know it was going to be alright. "I appreciate that you're taking responsibility. I really do. But I also have to take responsibility too." At this point, Ali tried to interrupt Ashlyn to argue but Ash stopped her. "Shh...Shut your mouth, woman. And let me finish." Ali couldn't help but laugh. She nodded for her wife to go on.

Ashlyn continued, "I need to take responsibility for the fact that I accepted and believed that I deserved whatever I got." As soon as the words left her mouth the tension that had finally let up, had returned full force. "I don't want you to feel bad." Ali's hope had deflated and it was obvious to her wife. "That's not why I'm telling you this. I want you to know what I've been struggling with. I think you need to know."

"Baby, I am so sorry." Ali apologized through tears. Ashlyn wanted to comfort her, but she knew she had to finish what she started.

"Lately, I've been evaluating some things. I've been facing stuff in my past. I've been finding myself. I'm starting to believe that I have some worth. All of the blessings that we have together, aren't just because my awesome wife is awesome and settled for someone like me, but because my awesome wife is awesome and maybe I might be too."

Ali laughed at her wife's way of explaining things. But she understood completely. Ashlyn was finally standing up for herself, because she was starting to believe she was worth it. and Ali couldn't agree more.

"Ash, you're absolutely right. I didn't realize I made you feel like you were less than amazing. But you are amazing. You deserve better from me, and I'm going to give it to you." Ali promised.

Ashlyn smiled mischievously and corrected her wife, "Awesome. I said awesome."

It took Ali a moment to figure out what her wife was saying but once she did she replied over dramatically. "Oh, I am SO sorry. You are not only amazing but also AWESOME!" Ali said, referring to the same wording her wife had used to describe her only moments before.

"You think you're funny?" Ash asked. She grabbed her wife by the waist and pressed her fingers into her very ticklish sides. 

"Baby, stop! I'm sorry. I was kidding." Ali tried to wiggle free but Ashlyn was stronger and had a better angle of leverage. Ali gave up struggling and let her body go limp against the back of the bench. Ashlyn's lips were inches away from her face and she still held tightly onto Ali's waist. 

Each woman felt a temperature change between them. Things felt at least 10 degrees hotter. Ashlyn was out of breath, even though she had no reason to be. Ali could feel her heart beating so strongly she was sure Ashlyn could see the movement through the fabric of her shirt.

Ashlyn made the move Ali was hoping for. "I know it's our first date, Ms. Krieger. And I wouldn't want you to get the wrong idea, but I would really like to kiss you."

A nervous uncontrollable moan escaped Ali's lips, causing Ashlyn to gain confidence. "So, Alex...is it ok for me to kiss you on our first date?" 

"It's more than ok."Ali breathlessly whispered. 

Ashlyn leaned into her wife and lowered her slowly to the seat of the bench. She covered Ali's body with her own and kissed her with a tenderness that made Ali feel safe. 

...

 

Ashlyn held Ali's hand all the way back to the hotel. When they reached their room Ali's nerves returned. She was about to find out how much progress was made that night. Ali went straight to the bathroom to get ready for bed. She prayed that the night would end on a good note. She knew that whatever happened couldn't take from her the perfect kiss they had shared on the park bench. If that's all she had to hold on to, at least it was something.

Ali finished up her bedtime routine and exited the bathroom to find her wife sitting on the bed she had been sleeping in these last few days. She felt her heart drop. She was hoping Ash would want to sleep next to her that night. She tried to hide her disappointment. She sat on her own bed and said, "The bathroom's all your's." 

Ash looked up from her phone messages she was scrolling through and noticed her wife's change of demeanor. She stood up and made her way to the bathroom. 

Ashlyn took longer than usual to get to bed. She knew what was bothering her wife. She contemplated what she should do. She was trying to balance her love and desire to please and comfort her wife with not compromising her own emotional health. She decided it was time to take a leap of faith and trust her wife. 

She slowly opened the door of the bathroom. She noticed Ali had turned off all the lights and was pretending to have already fallen asleep. She knew she was faking. She also knew why she was faking. Ali didn't want to pressure her into doing something just because she was hurting. 

Ashlyn grabbed her phone from the nightstand and typed out a text message and sent it.

Ali's phone lit up on the bedside table next to her. Ashlyn smirked at her wife's predicament. She could either ignore her phone or admit that she was awake. Ashlyn watched Ali let out a breath of resignation and reach for her phone.

She opened it to read a message from her wife. 

"What will people think?" 

Ali was confused. She had to ask. She turned towards her wife and said, "What do you mean what will people think?"

Ash closed the space between them and squatted down next to the bed so that their faces were level. 

"I mean...what will people think if I slept with you on our first date?" Ash smiled widely. She saw her wife's eyes start to water. "I wouldn't want them to get the wrong idea about you."

"I don't care!" Ali used both hands to grab her wife and pull her in for a kiss. 

Ashlyn stood up and Ali moved over. 

For the first time in a long time Ashlyn held Ali in her arms all night. 

They both slept that night, fully trusting in each other's love.


	136. The Fever

Ali's Dad called and told her that he and Sam were on their way from the airport. Ali told them to meet her in the hotel lobby. Samuel was an excited ball of energy. He missed his parents and couldn't wait to see them. 

As soon as Samuel saw Ali he dropped his Grandpa's hand and ran to her waiting open arms. "Mommy!" He yelled on his way to her.

The other hotel guests in the area witnessed a beautiful reunion between a mother and her child. It truly was a sweet moment. 

Ali's Dad caught up with his daughter and grandson and gave Ali's cheek a kiss. "Where's Ash?" He asked.

"She's getting treatment on her back. She'll be done soon." Ali answered. She gave Sam a little shake and added, "Mama's gonna be super excited to see you, Sammy!" 

Samuel's face lit up. "Mama is coming soon?" 

"How about if we go find Mama?" Ali suggested. 

If Ali was honest she would have admitted that she was looking forward to seeing Ashlyn just as much as their son was. Ever since their date night things felt lighter and even a little exciting. It was like they were kids again, learning about each other for the first time. 

Ali's Dad headed to his room and let Ali take Sam for awhile. He was exhausted from his youngest grandson's mischievous ways over the last week. He loved the boy, but his wildness wore him out.

Ali checked in the trainer's room first, but her wife had just left. She checked her phone and saw that Ashlyn had texted her telling her she was on her way back to their room. Ali couldn't wait for her wife's reunion with their son.

When Ali opened the door she put Sam down. Sam saw his Mama on the other side of the room going through one of her bags. As soon as Ash saw him she did what is known as the Sam-Bam wiggle dance. It's the dance Sam does when he gets excited.

It starts with Sam taking a step forward and stopping with one foot ahead of the other to shake his butt for a moment. After the butt shake, he takes another step with the other foot and does the butt shake again. It takes forever for him to walk across the room but it's a lot of fun to watch.

Both Sam and Ash did the dance as they walked toward each other. Samuel lasted about three wiggle dance steps before he ran out of patience and sprinted to Ashlyn. The boy jumped into her arms and hugged her tightly. 

"Mama did you miss Bam?" He asked.

"You know I did!" She kissed him all over his face before carrying him to Ali and giving her a kiss, as well. "I missed you too, Babe." 

Ali embraced both her wife and son and said, "I missed you more."

"I missed you more!" Sam repeated. The trio was all smiles when they settled in for the night. The boy was extra clingy and affectionate with both women. Neither minded one bit.

...

Ali's Dad took a quick power nap and then joined his family in Ali and Ashlyn's room for a movie night. Before the movie Ashlyn took Sam out for a 'run' to absorb some of his extra energy. His short little four year old legs made it more of a jog for Ashlyn, which she didn't mind at all.

The two returned just in time to start the movie and get to bed at a reasonable time. The entire family was exhausted. A good night's sleep was exactly what they needed.

...

Ali woke up in the middle of the night with an annoying headache and an empty space next to her. She glanced towards the extra bed in their room and saw her wife and son asleep. Ali's heart dropped.

She thought things were better, but apparently Ashlyn didn't agree. She must've waited until Ali fell asleep and then moved to the other bed. Ali was confused and hurt.

Ali cleared her throat, trying to rid herself of the pain in her chest. The throat clearing led to coughing, which woke Ashlyn up. Ash got out of bed and sat down next to her wife. She grabbed a bottle of water and some Tylenol that she had set out earlier.

"You feeling ok?" Ash asked as she felt her wife's forehead.

"What? No, I'm not feeling ok. You left me." Ali whined. She was more sensitive than usual. 

"For your information you were coughing and burning up. I moved the boy to the other bed to prevent contamination." Ashlyn explained. "Hate to break it to ya, but you're sick."

"I am?" Ali asked, which led to more coughing. Ashlyn watched her expression change from a state of confusion to understanding. She stuck her lower lip out and whined. "I'm sick."

"Yes, you are." Ashlyn replied. "But it's ok."

"It is?" Ali asked. She felt terrible.

"Yeah, it is. Because I'm here to take care of you." Ashlyn smiled down at her over sensitive and sick wife.

"Aww." Ali embraced Ash by the waist and laid her head on her chest. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." Ash said and placed a soft kiss on her wife's head. "You should try to get some more rest." 

"Ok." Ali answered. She let her wife tuck her back into bed and give her a light peck on the lips before returning to the sleeping boy in the next bed.

Sentimental Ali let a few tears escape as she thought about how blessed she was to have Ashlyn, and how glad she was that she was finally learning to accept help.

Ashlyn woke up about an hour later. This time it wasn't her wife's coughing that she heard. Ali had moved to the bathroom and was now kneeling on the bathroom floor and throwing up into the toilet.

"Al, are you ok?" Ashlyn knelt down beside her and started to rub her back.

"Ash, you shouldn't be in here."Ali wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.

"I'm not gonna let you be in here alone." Ashlyn said. She pulled back Ali's hair to get it out of her face.

"Ash, I feel horrible. I don't want you to get sick."

"Maybe you're pregnant." Ash used the opportunity to lighten the mood.

"Yeah, right. I wish." Ali replied quickly without thinking. 

"Really?" Ash answered. Ali's comment caught her by surprise. She didn't really know what to say.

If Ali didn't already have to throw up she would have done it just because of the conversation. The women had talked about having a baby before. However, once Jacob became part of their lives the conversation ended. Even more so, the added pressure of their teenage son's health problems made it seem like the worst of times to discuss this...besides the fact that Ali was mid-vomit.

"Baby, can we talk about this later?" Ali said. The toilet bowl caused her voice to echo because of the close proximity her head was to it.

"Sure." Ashlyn quietly agreed. Her wife had unintentionally dropped a bombshell of a topic on her. With everything they were dealing with, including the relationship issues between the two of them, this was the worst possible timing.

...

It was now Ali's turn to miss practice. She stayed in bed and tried to recover. After practice Ash checked on her and made sure she was ok. She refilled Ali's Gatorade and water supply and disinfected all of the surfaces in the room. She then met up with her father-in-law to relieve him of Sam duty.

The first thing she did was take him for a 'run' to let out some of his wiggles. According to his Grandpa, the little guy had been very well-behaved. He even took a nap for him.

Ali was starting to feel better. She figured she must've caught a twenty-four hour bug. She was still a little nauseous but other than that she was feeling normal.

Ali got excited when she heard the door open. She knew it had to be her wife and she was finally feeling well enough to do something other than watch tv and sleep. 

Ali saw her wife enter looking overwhelmed. She had a crying Samuel in her arms. Both her and the boy were covered in his throw up. 

"Oh no!" Ali quickly met them at the door. 

Ashlyn took him straight to the bathroom and stripped him of his clothes. Ali got a bath started for him and the two of them cleaned him up and put him to bed.

"I'm gonna take a quick shower. Are you ok with him?" Ash asked. She was noticeably discouraged.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Ali answered. She felt bad for her vomit-covered wife.

Once Ash had showered she joined her wife and son on their bed. Sam was resting in Ali's arms moaning. Ash sat down next to Ali and kissed her son's fevered head.

"He caught your bug." Ash stated the obvious.

"Sorry about that." Ali apologized. She kissed her wife's shoulder and asked, "Are you ok?" 

"Being you is hard." Ash sighed.

"What do you mean?" Ali asked, thoroughly confused.

"I mean you're the one who usual takes care of us when we're sick. I'm good at playing and cuddling with the kids but, this stuff..." Ashlyn pointed at her sick boy and had a flashback of the contents of his stomach coming at her earlier and shuddered.

"I think you did a great job." Ali encouraged. "I mean, you made me feel better."

"Yeah?" Ashlyn needed a little extra support.

"Yeah. We're lucky to have you taking care of us." Ali answered.

"You do it better, but I'm glad I could help." Ash replied. "So..." Ashlyn was nervous about her next question, but she had to ask. "You want another kid?" 

"I don't know, Ash. I mean, you know we've talked about it. I guess it's something that has kinda stuck with me." Ali admitted. 

"Do you think that's something we can handle, right now? I'm kinda freaking out about it."

"Don't freak out." Ali said. She didn't want to push her wife over the edge. Ashlyn had been dealing with a lot recently.

"Alex, Jacob is sick...." Ash paused to take in that information for herself. She was absolutely terrified for her son. After a moment she continued her argument. "Jake is sick, we've got the World Cup, and two young children to take care of. How are we going to handle a baby, right now?"

"I'm not saying we have to do anything, right now. I'm just saying that maybe we should keep and open mind about it." Ali answered.

"Maybe in the future. I guess..." Ash answered. She wasn't trying to disappoint her wife, but there was a lot going on at the moment. She couldn't even fathom adding to the chaos. 

"Ashlyn, you're making too much of this. I promise I don't have baby fever or anything. We can talk about this later." Ali tried to smooth things over. She hoped it would work.

"You're ok with us shelving this topic for awhile?" Ashlyn asked. 

"Of course. Now is the worst timing. I get it." Ali agreed. But if she was being honest, she would've admitted to her wife that she was disappointed. She hadn't even realized it herself, how much she had really wanted this.

"Alright, well good." Ash laughed. "Now that we're done talking crazy, do you want me to order something for dinner?" 

"Sure...whatever you want." Ali answered, trying to sound unfazed by the way their discussion went.

She put on a happy face, but deep down she was trying to figure out why she felt so sad about something she hadn't expected to happen in the first place.


	137. Song In My Heart (Part One)

"Go Mommy!" Samuel cheered. Sam was sitting in his Grandpa's lap and watching his parents play in the first game of qualifiers. 

Ali had just assisted a goal scored by Lauren Holiday. Ali's Dad had to explain the play to him. He told him about how his Mommy brought the ball up the flank and gave Lauren a perfect cross. It took Sam a couple minutes after the play was finished to know what he was cheering about, but once he got it he cheered all over again.

He was cheering so loudly his Grandpa wouldn't have been surprised if Ali heard him louder than the rest of the crowd. 

The game was a blowout. Ashlyn got the start, but there wasn't much for her to do. She was itching to be able to make big plays and prove to the team that she deserved to be on the roster.

After the game Ali noticed that her wife was less than excited about her shutout. 

"Hey, congrats!" Ali said. She gave her wife a quick hug and waited for Ash to make the next move.

"Thanks." She replied. Ali could tell that she was disappointed.

"What's wrong? You started and got the shutout?" 

"I touched the ball a total of seven times. That's it. I could've eaten a hotdog and set up a tent to take a nap in and no one would've noticed" Ashlyn sulked.

"Baby, that's how it goes sometimes. That happens to Hope all the time." 

"I know that. But I'm here to prove something, and I can't do that if the game is so lopsided that we score 10 goals and they can barely get it past midfield." Ash explained.

"Ash, I don't know what to tell you. This isn't something new. Hope deals with this all the time. You should be happy you got the start and the shutout. This is what you've been working so hard for." Ali explained. She really didn't understand her wife's problem.

"Exactly, Alex! This is what I've worked my entire life for. And I'm just standing around when I should be somewhere else." Ashlyn finally said what had been bothering her. 

The only reason she was there was because Jacob had insisted that she be there. She wanted to make him proud but felt like she wasn't getting the chance to really do that. 

"Somewhere else?" Ali asked. She scrunched her eyebrows together as she figured out what was bothering her wife. Once she understood she let out a sad sigh. "Ash, it's ok that you're here."

"Is it? Because it seems like I could be a lot more useful at home." Ashlyn said.

Their conversation ended earlier than Ali would've liked when several teammates came to congratulate Ali on her assist. Ali knew that their hugs and high fives only made Ash more convinced of her uselessness. 

"I'm gonna go get Sam." Ash brushed past the small group around her wife and left Ali to wonder how long her wife was going to stay at camp.

...

"Baby, we've got less than three days left. I can't understand why you're so homesick. What about when we leave for the World Cup? Traveling is part of our job." Ali stated the obvious. "You knew it would be this way."

Ali was frustrated with her wife. She wasn't upset or angry, she just couldn't understand. She was Ashlyn's number one fan through the years of her struggling with injuries and the disappointment of barely missing out on making important rosters. Everything she had worked for was right in front of her, and Ash wasn't happy.

"It's different now." Ash complained.

"Why is it different? This is the way it works. Just because it wasn't as challenging as playing Germany or France doesn't mean it doesn't count. Why can't you appreciate the fact that you're part of a great team?"

Ashlyn sighed loudly. She didn't hide her irritation. "Because I'm barely contributing to the team. I would rather be with our kids then standing around pretending to matter!"

"Ash..." Ali let out a loud breathy sigh. "I guess I'm confused. You matter. The competition may not be the greatest right now, but you matter. These minutes you're getting are important." Ali put an arm around Ashlyn's waist and pulled her in for a hug. Ashlyn wasn't feeling very affectionate at the moment, but Ali didn't let that deter her. "Our kids are ok." Ali whispered into Ashlyn's ear. "Jacob is going to be ok. We'll be home soon." 

Ali felt Ash nod slightly in agreement. She finally got through to her wife. Ashlyn felt guilty about leaving their sick son at home.

"I'm worried about Jake." Ash confessed. "I feel like I'm doing the wrong thing by being here."

That was a huge statement. Ali didn't know how to take it. Should she feel like she's doing the wrong thing, too?

...

The final two games were more of the same. Ashlyn had made a few good saves, but for the most part she didn't have to do much. Ali's Dad had returned home after the first game and left Sam there to come home with his parents.

The flight home felt like a relief to Ashlyn. She held Sam the entire ride and stayed mostly quiet. Ali was worried that her wife was considering the unthinkable. She was worried she might be going to the World Cup alone.

...

When they arrived home Jake and Lexi held up signs at the airport to welcome them home. Ashlyn couldn't help but notice that Jacob looked pale and thin. Ali scheduled a doctor's appointment for the very next day.

Jake's doctor was a little confused by the unexpected visit, but he humored a worried mother. He wasn't surprised by her son's condition. He was sick, and he was going to get a lot sicker.

After the appointment Ali and Ash took him to pick out a guitar from a local music store. Ashlyn told her wife that every artist needs an outlet. Ashlyn ended up buying a cheap guitar for herself as well, so she could learn to play alongside her son. Ali realized she had two artists she had to worry about.

...

"Mama, I thought you said you already know how to play." Jacob copied Ashlyn as she showed him how to tune his guitar.

"I know how to play about four chords. I'm no expert, that's for sure." Ash answered. She used wire cutters to trim the excess left on the guitar strings.

"Why did you stop playing?" Jake asked.

"Well, I learned to play to impress a girl. Once that girl was impressed, I tried to impress her in other ways." Ash grinned.

"Are you talking about something gross? I feel like you're talking about something gross." Jacob was good about reminding his mother that he wasn't a naive little kid. 

"I'm not talking about something gross...although...." She let her sentence hang just long enough to make Jacob uncomfortable. "I'm kidding, son. I wanted to sing your mom a love song on our one year anniversary. I learned to play the song. I sang it for her and made her swoon and that was that." 

"Did you like playing?" 

"Yeah, I just got caught up in other things. When we moved into this house from our little apartment, I ended up giving the guitar away to someone I thought would put it to good use. I wish I would've saved it, though. Then I could've given it to you."

"That would've been pretty cool." Jacob would love to have the guitar his Mama used to learn on, and most of all used to express her love to his Mom. 

...

"Bam, get off the table. Your Mom would freak if she saw you standing on it." Ashlyn warned her youngest son.

Ali picked up a kid-sized toy guitar for Samuel. She didn't want him to feel left out. He thought it would be a good idea to stand on the table and push the different buttons that played music. He was rocking it out when Ashlyn told him to stop.

"Mama, I'm playing like Jakeys." Sam didn't see the problem.

"You can play like Jakeys by standing on the floor. That's how he does it." Ash answered. She tousled the boy's hair and lifted him up off the table.

"Ok." The boy said sadly. He acted like Ashlyn had broken his heart and destroyed his dreams.

"Bamerino, you can rock out with us after dinner. That will give you a chance to show us your sweet rockstar moves." Ash compromised. 

"Ok, Mama." Sam replied. He was quick to get over his broken heart.

"How about you, Lex?" Ashlyn sat down next to her daughter and put an arm around her. "You wanna show us your rockstar moves, too?" 

Lex answered with a sad nod side to side.

Jacob explained his sister's state. "She's been like this for a couple days. I think she's afraid to be around me." Jake said sadly.

Lexi was scared, just like her big brother and her parents were. But she was six and had no idea how to handle her fear about something that she couldn't understand.

"Princess, is that true?" Ash tried to get the girl to open up, but Lexi dug her head into Ashlyn's side. She didn't want to say anything. She just wanted her Mama to hold her and protect her from the terrible things in the world. Ashlyn wished she could protect her from this. 

But even she wasn't strong enough.


	138. Song In My Heart (Part Two)

"Goodnight, Princess. I love you." Ashlyn said. She kissed her little girl's forehead and tucked her favorite teddy bear under her arm.

Ashlyn turned off Lexi's light so that her Cinderella night light was the only visible light in the room. She closed the door behind her and noticed her wife eavesdropping on their son.

Ash snuck up behind Ali and whispered in her ear, "What are you doing?"

Ali jumped and turned around to face her wife. She slapped her on the arm and whispered, "I'm listening to our son sing."

"Really?" Ash moved Ali out of the way to get a better listening spot.

"Way to take my spot, Ash." Ali said. She hugged her from behind and rested her chin on Ashlyn's shoulder to listen. She whispered, "He has to stop between every strum to make sure his fingers are in the right spot. I think it's cute."

"Do you recognize that song?" Ash asked.

"No. Do you?" 

"Never heard it before." Ash answered. "It sounds sad."

"I think it sounds nice. Kinda like a lullaby."

"A lullaby? You think our fourteen year old son is singing a lullaby? Someone's got babies on the brain. I'm outta here." Ash joked.

Ali didn't think it was funny. She really had been thinking about babies lately, and she didn't like how easy it was for her wife to dismiss the subject.

That night their daughter joined them in their bed without waking Ali and Ashlyn up. Lexi had been extra quiet lately due to her fear about Jacob's diagnosis. Ever since Jake was adopted Lexi had a special relationship with him. 

She loved having a big brother around. It made her feel safe. He would sit with her when she had a bad dream or stand with her until her school bus came, as well as many other little things that made her feel lucky to have him. When she found out he was sick, she became terrified about what might happen to him. He didn't make a big deal about it when talking to her. He didn't want to scare her, but she knew things weren't right. 

...

Ali was feeling a little disconnected with her wife lately. Between her wife's avoidance of talking about baby stuff, and the fact that they hadn't been intimate with each other since before their big fight, Ali felt like she needed some attention from her favorite person.

Ali woke up during the night wanting to be closer to Ashlyn. She rolled towards her to try and get a hug, but Lexi had already taken Ali's usual spot. Ali didn't mind having their daughter there, but she wished Lex would've saved a little room for her on Ash's shoulder, too. 

In the morning Ali was a little on the grumpy side. She grumbled to herself when she saw that her wife had slept through the alarm, like usual. She rolled her eyes and headed to Samuel's room to start to wake him up. 

His wake up process usually took at least two steps. Ali would hug and kiss him and tell him to wake up, then send Ash in a little later to finish the process. Most of the time it took a while for him to get moving.

Ali tapped lightly on Jacob's door and opened it slowly. She didn't expect him to be awake. She also didn't expect him to go to school. But she was so used to checking on him in the morning, she couldn't help herself but to do it now.

Ali found him asleep with his guitar next to him. She smiled thinking about how happy he was when they let him pick it out at the music store. She was glad they got to do that for him. 

Ali's mind was focused on her son when she felt her daughter's arms wrap around her waist. Lexi leaned her head against her side. 

"Are you ok, Sweetheart?" Ali whispered to her daughter.

Lexi didn't say a word. She replied by holding on to Ali even tighter. Ali was reminded of when they first adopted their daughter and she refused to speak. She hoped they weren't going down that same road again.

She lifted her little girl up in her arms and carried her back to her and Ashlyn's bedroom. She sat Lexi down on their bed and switched her focus to her wife.

"Baby." Ali shook Ash's arm, trying to wake her.

"Hmm?" Ash groaned.

"You need to help Lex and Sam get ready."

"Whaaaa?" Ash was confused. She never had to get Lexi dressed in the morning. Her daughter was a morning person like Ali, and was usually ready before Ashlyn woke up.

"Ashlyn, look at me." Ali needed her wife's attention. Ali's strange request so early in the morning caused Ash to give it to her.

She opened one eye and squinted towards her wife. Ali flicked her eyes towards a sad looking Lexi and Ashlyn got the message loud and clear. Ash rubbed her eyes and nodded. Ali leaned down and placed a kiss on her lips and then kissed Lexi's cheek before leaving to make breakfast.

Ashlyn forced herself to face the day and scooped her daughter up in her arms. She checked on Sam to make sure he was at least starting to move around. She was satisfied to see that he was awake enough to pet Monster. His eyes were still closed but he was working on waking up.

Ash carried Lexi to her room and helped her pick out an outfit. Lexi was a lot less involved with the process than usual. Lexi wouldn't let her Mama leave without her. She held on to Ashlyn's arm with both hands.

Ashlyn tried to get Lexi involved in helping with Sam, but she wasn't interested. Her only concern was to hold onto Ashlyn. 

Ash carried both children to breakfast. Ashlyn set Sam down in his chair and tried to get Lexi to sit in her chair. Lexi wouldn't let go of her Mama. This caused Samuel to want to sit with Ashlyn too. Both children ended up crying before Ali could get breakfast on the table.

Neither parent knew what to do. 

They ended up having a special family day, meaning none of their children made it to school. Ali thought they might regret that decision in the future, but honestly she didn't know what else to do. She hoped that the kids wouldn't try to manipulate the situation. Her and Ash were having a hard enough time as it was.

...

"Baby, what are we gonna do about Lexi?" Ali asked her wife. The two of them were in the kitchen while the kids hung out in the living room watching a movie.

"I really don't know." Ash replied. Ali noticed her wife's eyes looked tired and red. "I don't know what we're going to do about any of this."

"Baby, we'll get through this." Ali said. "We always make it through." 

Ash gave her wife a sad smile and a short hug. She brought Jacob a Gatorade and juice boxes for the younger kids. Ali watched her wife walk away and wondered how much their family could take. Everything seemed to be crashing in on their once strong and happy family.

...

"Mama, you know that homeless guy that Tobin and Alex helped?" Jake asked. He had something on his mind that had been bothering him. He and Ashlyn were sitting in his room learning new strumming patterns, when he finally got the nerve to speak up.

"Yeah, I think his name was George. Why?" Ash asked.

"He died." Jake answered sadly.

This got Ashlyn's full attention. She put her guitar down and motioned for her son to continue.

"I asked Tobin if she regretted helping him. You know, because it ended up costing her a lot of money and he just died anyway." Jacob said.

Ash knew he was trying to get somewhere with this so she stayed quiet.

"She said she was glad she got to meet him and make him feel loved and safe." Jacob wiped at his eyes. Ash didn't see any tears, but thought he must've felt some coming.

Jake put his guitar down and looked into Ashlyn's eyes to make sure she knew he was sincere. "I want you to know...that it's ok if I end up dying, like George...You made me feel loved and safe." 

Now Ashlyn was wiping at her eyes. This was the first time Jake had said anything about the possibility of him not getting better. 

Ashlyn didn't know what to say, so she made a promise she was powerless to keep.

"Jake, I promise you...you're not gonna die from this." She stretched out both arms and took his head in her hands and pulled him close to her. "Ok? I promise. You'll be ok. You're gonna be ok."

"But Mama." Jacob pulled himself away from her enough to make eye contact. "It's ok if I don't make it. I'm ok with that. You saved my life. You made me know what it feels like to be happy. I'm so lucky. So whatever happens...it's ok." 

Ashlyn put on a brave face and replied saying, "That means a lot to me, son. But we don't have to worry. You're going to be ok." Ashlyn stood up. She knew she had to make a quick exit or her son would see her fall apart. "I'm gonna see if your Mom needs any help with dinner." Ash patted her son's shoulder and left to get some air. Her son was one in a million. He didn't deserve any of this.

...

Ali was in the kitchen getting dinner ready when she saw her wife walk right past their children and open the sliding door that led to the back yard. She knew right away that something was up. She turned the burner off on the stove and followed Ashlyn outside.

Ashlyn was leaning against their oak tree with her head pressed against her forearm. She was trying to block everything out and find some sort of peace. Ali carefully approached her.

"Baby, are you ok?" Ali asked.

"No I'm not ok, Alex." Ashlyn said. She turned around to reveal to her wife that she was crying. 

"What is it?" Ali stepped forward and placed a hand on Ashlyn's arm.

"Do you know what our son just said to me?"

Ali obviously didn't know, so she didn't try to answer. She waited for Ashlyn to explain.

"He said that he was ok with dying, and that we should be ok with it too." Ashlyn's voice cracked as she finished her explanation. 

"He said that?" Ali was shocked. Her son was a wise soul, as some would say. Meaning he was older mentally than he was physically. She was amazed by his maturity. "What did you say?"

"I said he didn't have to worry about it. He's gonna be fine." Ash said. She sounded the opposite of confident.

"You can't promise him that, Ash." Ali didn't want to discourage anyone, but she didn't see how saying something that could possibly turn into a lie was a good thing.

"Ali, you weren't there. You didn't see him. I feel like he's giving up. Like he's just accepting that there's no hope." And that's where Ashlyn fell apart. 

It started out with Ashlyn falling into Ali. Ali held her for a few moments until she realized her wife could no longer stand on her own. She helped her to sit on the ground and held on to her from behind.

Ali rocked her back and forth, trying to find a comforting rhythm. It took some time but Ashlyn eventually settled down.

"I feel so helpless. Our children are suffering and all we can do is watch it happen." Ash turned around so that she was facing her wife. "Alex, why is this happening? I can understand why I would have to go through bad stuff...but they don't deserve it. It's not fair." 

"Ashlyn, nobody deserves this." 

"What if it's because of me. I'm bad luck. Things were starting to go good for me. Maybe it's my fault." Ashlyn said.

"Stop that, right now!" Ali grabbed her wife's shoulders and gave her a shake to bring her back to reality. "This sucks! But no one deserves this. And you of all people deserve only good things. Don't you dare try to carry this. We will get through this together." Ali said boldly and then added, "All of us."

"I'm sorry. I've been trying to be strong. I'll do better, I promise." Ashlyn said.

"Ash, it's ok. We're both gonna have our moments. Hopefully they'll come at different times." Ali fake laughed to try and lighten the mood.

"Hopefully." Ash answered with a small smile.

The Krieger-Harris family had a long road ahead of them. Ash and Ali we're going to need each other's support if they hoped to make it through.

...

The next morning was Jacob's first treatment with chemotherapy. Ash and Ali had gone back and forth about who should take him and who should stay with Lexi and Sam. The only agreement they could come up with was that they would both go and get someone else to stay with their other children. They felt that at least for the first session they would both be there for support. They didn't know what to expect from the treatment or from their son. 

The morning of Jake's chemo treatment, Ali woke up earlier than usual to find that Ashlyn had done the same. She didn't have to ask, she knew why she was awake. It's hard to stay asleep when you're afraid of the day ahead.

The three of them bravely went to his appointment. Both Jake and Ali were trying to stay positive about the whole situation. They told jokes and had small talk to get through the long appointment. Ashlyn was quiet for most of the time, until a phone call pulled her away. Ali made a mental note to remind her wife that cell phones are not allowed to be used there. She wasn't upset about it. She figured this was a learning experience for all three of them. No one knows the correct way to act in a time like this.

...

After the appointment Jacob felt horrible. Ali decided to have a family movie day to allow him to be with them and rest at the same time. Jacob slept with his head against Ali's shoulder as she held him tightly. 

Ash needed to talk to her wife but didn't want to do it in front of the kids. She ended up sending a really long text message explaining that she was going to leave for the day and be back later that night. She explained all the details and reasons for the sudden trip. Ali was skeptical about the necessity of her doing it on that particular day, but supported her decision to go.

Ashlyn gave Jacob and Sam kisses on the cheek and invited Lexi to go with her. She bent down to give her wife a proper kiss. 

"Be safe." Ali whispered. She put a hand over her wife's heart and leaned in for one last kiss.

"We'll be fine. See you tonight." Ash replied.

Ashlyn loaded up her Jeep with a bag of snacks and made a stop at an ATM. Ashlyn and her little Princess set out for a three and half hour drive. They had an important matter to take care of.


	139. Song In My Heart (Part Three)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter includes familiar moments with Lexi from two previous chapters: 13 Date Night and 90 Moments.
> 
> The chapter makes sense with or without a knowledge of them, but it might evoke deeper emotions if you are familiar with the other chapters.
> 
> As always, I appreciate you all SO much. I hope you're having a great day.

Ash and Lexi pulled into the driveway of a two story brick house. Ashlyn opened the back door to help her daughter out of her car seat. Lexi had already unbuckled herself. Ash offered her a hand to help her step out of the Jeep. 

Lexi loved that Ash did this. She didn't lift her out like she usually does with Sam, she held out her hand, like she does with Ali. Ashlyn explained the difference to her a long time ago on one of their dates together. It made her feel special and loved ever since.

Ashlyn let Lexi stay as quiet as she wanted for the long car ride. She wasn't interested in pressuring her child to do anything she didn't feel safe doing. She understood the need to hide for a little while. 

Lexi held on to her Mama's hand tightly as they approached the front door of a house that neither of them had been to before. Ash knocked and waited. She was nervous about who would answer the door.

A woman about her father-in-law's age opened the door.

"Ashlyn, hello. Welcome." 

"Hello, Mrs. Heath. You remember my daughter, Lexi." Ashlyn said and lifted up her and Lex's intertwined hands. 

"Yes, of course." Tobin's mother bent down to get eye level with the little girl and said, "Hello, Lexi. It's nice to see you again." She held out her hand for Lexi to shake. 

Lexi accepted the kind gesture and extended her hand, as well. She was ok to shake hands because she was holding onto Ashlyn with her left hand. She didn't have to let go of the safety of her Mama.

"Sorry to drop by with such short notice." Ash apologized.

"It's no problem." Mrs. Heath replied. "Tobin explained everything." The woman got serious and whispered so that only Ashlyn could hear. "I'm so sorry." 

Ashlyn nodded in response. She didn't want to get into it. Especially with a woman who had recently hurt her good friend. Tobin's parents had rejected her after her engagement with Alex. They had since tried to reach out to Tobin, but they only wanted to see her apart from Alex. That didn't work for Tobin. 

The phone call home, was the first time Tobin made any effort to reach out to them since. Her mother was truly grateful for the opportunity to help out.

Mrs. Heath took Ash and Lex to her son's old room. She opened his closet door and pulled out a few boxes in order to get to what she was looking for. 

"There it is."

..

"Mommy, look at me!" Sam cried out. He was in the back yard with his friend Joey spraying his dog with a hose. 

Ali was sitting on the couch with Jacob and kissed his forehead. "Sweetheart, I think your brother needs a little attention. I'll be right back."

Ali walked through the open door and chased her little boy around the yard. She wasn't interested in getting wet or dirty but her family was desperate for some fun. 

Sam was too excited to realize that he could simply turn around and spray his Mommy. He ended up dropping the hose and climbing up the steps to the tree house. Ali would've followed him right away but she didn't want to leave out Joey. She chased him around the tree a few times before teaming up with him to get Sam.

The two of them ran up the steps to capture Prince Samuel and engage in a tickle war with him. He made his brave escape through the magical tunnel slide his Mama and big brother had made for him. He ran inside and did a victory dance in front of his brother.

"I'm the champion." Sam sang and danced in front of his big brother. "I'm the champ-uh-uh-uh-uh-ion!" 

"Sweet moves, Sam." Jacob laughed. Samuel just managed to brighten up a really dark day for him.

...

"Here, I wanted to leave him some money for it." Ashlyn said. She pulled out her wallet and the $500 she had withdrawn from the ATM earlier that day. 

"Oh no, honey. I'm sure he wouldn't want to take money for it. You gave it to him for free. He would never accept this." Mrs. Heath handed the money back.

"I want it to cost something. It's worth a lot more than that. Put it in his college fund or something. My son deserves an expensive guitar." Ashlyn put the money down on a nearby dresser and wiped off the dust from her old guitar. She smelled the wood inside the sound hole and then laughed at herself. 

She suddenly cared an awful lot about a stupid guitar she gave away years ago. It was the boy at home waiting for it that made it so valuable to her all of a sudden.

Ashlyn thanked Mrs. Heath and stopped for a bite to eat with her daughter. They ran into a music store and picked up some new guitar strings and polish. Ashlyn was committed to bringing the instrument back to it's former glory.

...

Ash and Lexi were about twenty minutes from the house. Ashlyn decided it was time to talk with her daughter about what was bothering her.

"It's ok if you don't wanna talk, Lex." Ash said. She glanced up at the rear view mirror to see her daughter's eyes.

Lex kept her head down and nodded as if to say she knew that already.

"I want you to know, though, that you can always talk to your Mommy and me. We will always listen and accept whatever you have to say." 

"I know, Mama." Lexi said quietly. That was the most she had said all day.

"Ya know, when you were little you went for a long time without speaking." Ash wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do to bring up details of Lexi's past, but she felt like it needed to be said. "One day, I was having a really bad day..." At this moment Ashlyn's emotions got the better of her and she had to find a place to pull the car over. She remembered the bad day that she was talking about, and she felt everything as if it was happening all over again.

"Lex, I was having a really bad day. Your little brother was sick and you were scared and wouldn't speak. But you know what happened?" Ashlyn turned to look at her little girl. "You cheered me up by letting me know you cared." 

Ashlyn reached for her daughter and placed a hand on her leg, just like Lexi had done years ago, and told her "No matter what, Princess....No matter how scared you are or how sad you feel, I'm always going to be here. Always. You'll never have to face anything alone." 

Lexi unbuckled herself and stretched out towards the front seat and into her mother's arms. 

"Mama, I love you." Lexi whispered. She was ready to come out from hiding. "I'm scared about Jake."

"Me too."

"Is he gonna get better?" Lexi asked.

"I hope so. The doctor thinks he has a pretty good chance." Ashlyn answered honestly. 

She knew Ali wouldn't approve of her being so straightforward about Jake's health problems with a six year old, but Ashlyn ran out of grown-up answers. She didn't know how to sugar coat it or to answer in a way that wouldn't give false hope. So she just settled for the truth.

...

Ashlyn gave Lexi a piggy-back ride into the house. It was almost bedtime for the girl but she had lots of energy. She had unloaded what had been bothering her and now she felt much better. 

"There are my two favorite girls!" Ali greeted them at the door.

"Hey, Babe." Ash said and gave her wife a kiss.

"Hey, Mommy!" Lexi said excitedly.

Ali couldn't hide the big grin on her face. "Are you feeling better, Sweetheart?"Lexi nodded and climbed into Ali's arms. 

"Lex, why don't you tell Mommy about our day." Ashlyn suggested. She wanted Ali to hear for herself that their daughter was opening up and willing to talk. 

Ash checked on the boys who were playing a car game. Jacob seemed to be feeling a little better. 

Ash sat down next to Sam and he immediately paused the game to climb into her lap. She was happy for his affection. 

"How are ya feeling, Jake?" Ash asked.

"Better. I was just super tired." Jacob answered. His attention was clearly more on the game than on his mother. Samuel was the opposite. He was crashing his car all over the screen. He didn't seem to notice, though. He was busy trying to tickle his Mama.

"Mama." Sam needed to tell Ashlyn something very important.

"Yes, Bam." Ash answered him.

"I sprayed Monster with water and Mommy came out and chased me. But I got away down my slide." Sam said. He felt victorious.

"Woah! Good job, Sam-Bam." Ash congratulated the boy and noticed a smiling teenager next to her. She elbowed him softly in the side and asked, "Does the boy speak truth?"

"Yeah. He is the champ-uh-uh-uh-uh-ion." Jacob copied his little brother's victory song from earlier. This got a big laugh from Ashlyn.

"I'm the champion, Mama!" Sam wanted to make sure Ashlyn was convinced about the greatness of his accomplishments. 

"Wow, that's amazing. I'm so proud of you." Ashlyn hugged onto her youngest son a little tighter. She was feeling better about the state of their family. 

She could see a few cracks in the dark clouds. The light was trying to find its way through.


	140. Song In My Heart (Part Four)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to lighten things up a little bit for you guys. I hope you like this chapter.

"I think you're the most beautiful, sweetest, wonderful woman in the whole world." Ali said right before she took off her shirt.

"Umm..." Ashlyn was speechless.

Ali took off her pants and walked toward her. 

"Uhh..." Still no words for Ashlyn. 

Ali took off her bra and threw it at her wife. It hit her face and fell into her lap. Ali moved it and sat down in her wife's lap. 

Ash had been sitting on their bed scrolling through her phone when Ali emerged from the bathroom that night. Ali had that look in her eye. The look that told Ashlyn she was in for a fun night.

"The way you took care of Lexi today...mmm." Ali hummed. "There's nothing sexier to me than a good mother."

Ashlyn found her words. 

"Hold up! You can't say that. You can say I'm hot or strong or whatever, but you can't say being a mother is sexy. That's the opposite of sexy." Ashlyn said.

"It is not! Watching you love our children makes me super hot for you." Ali defended herself.

"Babe!" Ash whined. She wanted her wife to say she was super hot and sexy not maternal.

"What? I'm being serious. What's you're problem?"

"My problem is that my hot naked wife only wants to have sex with me because I'm good at packing school lunches and wiping noses???" 

"You're being ridiculous!" Ali laughed. Her wife really was being ridiculous. Then she got an idea. She positioned herself so that her bare chest was right up against her wife's face. "Are you in the mood now?" 

No words for Ashlyn again. Ali felt her wife's breath hot against her skin and knew she would hear no more complaints. 

Ashlyn was ready to go exactly where Ali wanted to take her that night.

...

Ali was knelt down in the family garden with the help of Lexi and Sam to pull weeds and pick out the ripe vegetables. Jacob and Ashlyn were inside learning new guitar chords. 

Jake and Ash were interrupted by a scream of terror coming from Ali. Both of them jumped from their spots on the couch and ran to the rescue.

...

Moments earlier...

"Mommy, there are too many bugs in here!" Lexi complained. She was imagining them crawling all over her.

"I know, Sweetheart. I hate bugs, too. But we have to deal with them to take care of our garden." Ali was being very brave by sticking with her plan to work in the garden. There really did seem to be more bugs than usual.

Ali was scanning the weeds to estimate how much more time she would have to be brave when she felt her youngest child pull on her arm. Samuel had a mischievous look on his face and was strangely quiet. 

Ali was almost afraid to ask, but she knew something was up. "What is it, Sammy?" 

Samuel didn't answer with words. He answered by opening up his mouth carefully and sticking out his tongue. To both his Mommy and sister's horror, Sam had a living, crawling, creepy, gross, horrible, disgusting spider crawling out of his mouth. 

This is the moment Ashlyn and Jake heard Ali scream as if there was a murderer chasing her. "ASHLYN!"

It took seconds for Ash and Jake to run from the living room to the source of the scream. 

"What's wrong?" Ash asked. She was worried someone was dying. Poor Samuel was scared. The spider was long gone and he was confused about his Mommy's strange behavior.

Ali pointed at Samuel and positioned herself so that she was hiding behind Ashlyn. She hid her face between Ash's shoulder blades and blubbered some incoherent cry of disgust. Ashlyn still had no idea what happened.

"What the heck is going on?" Ashlyn asked. She bent down to get eye level with her terrified son. He rested his head on her shoulder and grabbed the front of her shirt for safety. 

"Brush his teeth and make him rinse with mouth wash!" Ali demanded.

"What are you talking about?" Ash asked.

Ali steadied her breathing and put a hand over her heart. "Our son put a spider in his mouth. Ashlyn, you need to handle this!" 

Ashlyn couldn't help it. She started to laugh. Which caused Jake to join in. Ali was not amused by their response, but she was willing to forgive and forget if they disinfected her baby's mouth.

Ashlyn apologized and tried to kiss her wife, but Ali put a stop to it immediately.

"Not until this is handled!" Ali said. She was not messing around. The poor woman was traumatized.

Ash laughed all the way to the children's bathroom upstairs. She felt bad for her wife, but she would've loved to have been able to see the spider incident in person.

...

After Samuel's mouth was cleansed properly, Ash sought out to make things right with her wife. She was looking to get that kiss she was denied earlier. 

Ali was in the kitchen fixing snacks for the family when she felt Ashlyn's hand travel from her side to her stomach. Ash stood close behind her and kissed her neck.

"Nope." Ali said. She poked her butt out to make space between her and her wife.

"What?" Ash asked.

"First things first." Ali said with a very serious look on her face. Ali didn't mess around when it came to bugs.

Ashlyn knew exactly what she wanted to know. "Babe, he brushed twice and rinsed with mouth wash three times. I made him wash his hands and use antibacterial soap. We also changed his clothes. The boy is spider-germ free. I promise." 

Ali was satisfied with her wife's explanation of their cleaning procedure. She pulled her into a hug and mumbled into her neck, "Thank you." 

"You're welcome. Anything for you, Princess." Ash answered.

"I love you." Ali said. Ash was always good at doing what was needed to calm her wife down.

"Love you, too."

...

"So, what happened to your girlfriend? She hasn't been around in a while." Ash asked. She was hanging out with Jake in his room.

"She's not my girlfriend." Jake corrected.

"Oh, I'm SO sorry." Ash said sarcastically. "Where's your friend 'who's a girl' been lately?" 

Jake rolled his eyes and answered his curious mother. "She's sick. She has a cold, or something. She said it was too dangerous for her to come over until she was feeling better and was germ free."

"Hmm. Ya know, I'm really starting to like that girl." Ash said. "So, did she text you and tell you that she was really sorry and would visit you if she could?" Ash asked. She wanted to find out the seriousness of this crush.

Ash knew the answer to her question the moment she saw Jacob's cheeks turn red. 

"That girl likes you." Ash stated. "She 'like' likes you, if you know what I mean." 

"Stop." Jake was thoroughly embarrassed. He couldn't take another second of his mother's teasing.

"Alright, I'll give ya a break. I actually have something to give you." Ashlyn said. She left the room in a hurry and came back a few moments later. "Here." Ash handed Jacob a guitar case.

"What is this? You already got me a guitar." Jake said.

"Yeah well, I wanted you to have this specific guitar." Ash explained. "Go ahead. Take a look." 

Jacob opened up the case and found a recently polished auditorium shaped acoustic electric guitar. 

"Look at the inscription." Ashlyn instructed.

Jacob saw what his mother was talking about. Inside the guitar, there was a phrase burned into the wood. He looked past the strings and read it out loud. "May the song that you play let love find its way."

"This is the guitar I used to woo your Mom." Ash smiled. "Lex and I drove to New Jersey to get it. I wanted to make it personal for you." Ash said and pointed to the inscription.

"You did all that for me?" Jake asked.

"Of course! You're my son. One of the greatest loves of my life. I would do anything for you."

"Thanks, Mama!" Jacob held onto his new guitar with one hand and hugged him Mama with the other. His new guitar was priceless to him. 

"You're welcome. I only have one request." Ash said. "Your Mom overheard you singing the other day and I might've too." Ash smiled. "I know your Mom would love it if you sang a song for her. It would mean a lot." 

"You got it." Jake answered.

"Great. Thank you." Ashlyn said and kissed her son's cheek. "I love you. And now I'm gonna let you practice."

Ashlyn gave her son a chance to get familiar with his new instrument. She was happy to share something so special with him.

...

The next day Jacob had another chemo appointment. Jake felt like his appointments always came whenever he was just starting to feel better. 

This time Ashlyn went with him and held his hand while the two of them watched videos on Ali's iPad. Jacob fell asleep before the end of his treatment. Instead of focusing on the movie, Ashlyn stared at her son's reflection in the screen of the tablet. He looked exhausted. She wished she could save him from all of this.

...

Jacob was more nauseous after his chemotherapy than he had experienced previously. Ali and Ashlyn took turns sitting with him in his bed with a trash can between them for when he had to throw up. 

After Jacob admitted that having them there made him feel better, they made sure he wasn't alone for one moment.

...

"How's he doing?" Rachel asked Ali. She had finally gotten over her cold and was ready to visit and help her good friend with his schoolwork.

"Not good. He's asleep right now and feeling pretty bad. But if you want you can hang out until he wakes up. Then we'll see if he feels up to a visit." Ali said. She was softening up towards the girl. 

"I would really like to stay, if that's ok."

"Sounds good. I'll set a place for you at dinner. Lexi and Sam are outside if you want to play with them." Ali said. 

Rachel didn't really want to play with them, even though she cared for the children, she was more concerned about the well being of her best friend. She watched Ali return to the kitchen to finish making dinner and snuck upstairs to Jacob's room. 

She saw him asleep on Ashlyn's shoulder holding a garbage can just underneath his chin. When she saw him she wanted to cry. Ashlyn looked up from the game she was playing on her iPad and noticed the girl. When Rachel's eyes met Ashlyn's she panicked. She thought about making a run for it but she heard Ashlyn whisper her name.

Rachel walked next to Ashlyn's side of the bed, ready for whatever trouble awaited her.

"You must be feeling better." Ashlyn whispered. She didn't seem mad at all.

"Yeah. I stayed away an extra day just to be sure." Rachel answered.

"That's good. Thank you." Ash let out an exhausted breath. "As you can see he's not doing too well today." 

"Yeah, he doesn't look so good." The usually confident teenage girl looked terrified.

"He'll be feeling better in a couple of days." Ash answered. She was determined to stay positive.

...

Ashlyn was right. The boy felt much better after a couple of days of rest and extra attention from his loved ones. He felt so good, he decided to sing and play for his Mom just like he had promised. He sang a song that he had been working on lately. 

With his new family heirloom, as he referred to it, he strummed a few chords and hummed a melody. Sitting in front of his family he suddenly realized that any normal person would feel a little nervous. This was his debut as a singer/songwriter. 

"You can do it, son." Ash encouraged.

"No matter what, I'm sure we'll love it, Sweetheart." Ali added.

Jake cleared his throat and focused hard on the piece of paper in front of him that was filled with his handwritten lyrics and a lot of scribble marks.

The boy sang, 

"When sunshine turns to rain.  
When poison runs through my veins.  
You put a song in my heart, to make me strong.  
I won't grow tired of singing your song.

Because of you I have faith.  
In your love I've found strength.  
You put a song in my heart, to make me strong.  
I won't grow tired of singing your song.

I won't give up, I'll continue to fight.  
Until it is done and our tears have  
been dried.  
You put a song in my heart, to make me strong.  
I won't grow tired of singing your song."

It was a simple song. It sounded more like a chorus than a complete song, but it had the makings of something good. Ashlyn and Ali were quiet. They didn't know what to say. 

It was the most beautiful thing that they had ever heard.


	141. The Wait

"Baby, are you sure you're gonna be ok?" Ali asked. She was zipping up a small suitcase. 

"I'm positive." Ash answered. Ashlyn was on the floor doing push-ups while her wife packed.

"I hate leaving you. This is the worst possible time to be away." Ali complained. Ali had a meeting in L.A. with Nike that she couldn't get out of.

Ashlyn turned over and started doing sit-ups. "Babe, we'll be fine. You'll only be gone for a couple of days." Ashlyn was starting to get out of breath from the fast pace of the crunches and laid down flat on the floor. She covered her stomach with both hands and watched her wife finish packing.

"One of the days I'll be gone, is a chemo day for Jacob. How are you going to take care of him and the little ones if he as a hard day?" 

"I don't know. I'll figure it out." Ash answered. She stretched her arms and legs out to get more comfortable. Ash started to lightly kick her wife in the leg.

Ali continued unfazed by the constant tapping of Ash's foot against her calf. "I called Annie. She said she could bring Joey and keep an eye on Lex and Sam for you." 

"Why did you even ask me what I would do if you already figured out how to take care of it?" Ash asked. She stopped kicking her wife and resorted to trapping one of Ali's legs between both of her feet and pulled it toward her.

"Because I wanted to see what you would do. You have to think ahead. How are you going to solve potential problems if you don't think ahead?" Ali asked.

Ashlyn, continuing to keep a tight hold of her wife's leg, sat up and pulled Ali into her lap. This time she used her hands to do the work.

"Ash, you need to pay attention." Ali was trying to get her wife to focus but she wasn't having much luck. Her wife was focused on kissing her neck at the moment. "Sweetheart..." Ali was now having some difficulty of her own at paying attention.

Ali allowed their conversation to be put on hold while they said good-bye in a more 'intimate' way. She wasn't going to take her wife's desire to be affectionate for granted. 

...

"Tell Mommy our new motto." Ashlyn said. She held Samuel up to the computer screen so that Ali could see him better.

"No bugs in my mouth!" Sam said excitedly. He finished the statement by sticking out his tongue and making fake gagging sound.

"Where do bugs go?" Ash asked.

"Bugs go outside!" Sam answered. He was being taught these very important lessons because of a recent incident involving a spider and his mouth.

Ali was glad to hear the conviction in her son's voice. She was traumatized by the memory of a spider crawling off of her son's tongue. "Sounds like a good motto to me, Sammy." She encouraged. Ali mouthed the words 'thank you' to her wife. Ashlyn was well aware of her wife's fear of bugs, and how the thought of her son voluntarily putting an insect inside his mouth, made her cringe.

"Sam-Bam, tell Mommy why you put the spider in your mouth." Ash encouraged.

"Cuz Monster ate one, too." Sam answered.

Ali didn't know how to feel about that answer. Did he say 'too?' Meaning that at some point in time her son had actually EATEN a bug.

"Tell Mommy what we decided." Ashlyn said.

"If Monster eats it, its gross!" Sam declared proudly. His Mama gave him a high-five to let him know he was making her proud.

"We also talked about how some people don't like bugs and so we have to be extra careful about making sure not to scare them." Ashlyn explained. Ali was very happy to hear that her wife was against their children torturing her with insects.

"It sounds like you two have figured out a lot of important business while I've been gone." Ali said. "Maybe I should leave more often." Ali pretended to be serious.

Samuel didn't like the thought of his Mommy going away. "No, Mommy! You don't go any more!" If Sam was in charge his parents would never leave.

"You're the boss, Sweetheart. I'll make sure to come home as soon as possible." Ali smiled at her sweet little boy. She had only been gone for a day but she was really missing her family. "I gotta get going, but make sure to have Lexi call me when she gets home from school. Hopefully Jake will be awake by then. I miss all of you so much."

"Will do, Babe. Love you!" Ash said.

"I love you, too." Ali replied. She turned her attention to her son. "I'll see you soon, Sammy. Be a good helper for Mama. I love you."

"I love you, Mommy." Sam put his hand up against the screen and moved his hand with his palm against Ali's face in an up and down motion.

"Bam, did you just pet Mommy's face?" Ash asked. She wished Ali could've seen it for herself. 

"Yee-up!" Sam said. He jumped up in Ashlyn's lap to show his excitement.

Ash and Ali shared a laugh at the unique way their son expressed his love. 

The three spent another ten minutes trying to say good-bye. They spent most of that time laughing and enjoying Samuel's massive amount of cuteness. 

...

"I'm so glad you're here." Alex whispered to Ali. The two of them were sitting at a table in a large conference room. They were in their third hour of a very lengthy powerpoint presentation about future products for elite athletes. They were asked to sit in on the meeting and give their input.

"I'm not." Ali said in a joking way, even though she really did wish she was back home.

After they had finished with Nike for the day, Ali and Alex met up with Tobin for dinner and shopping.

Ali sat across from her engaged friends and watched them interact over dinner. "I'm so jealous of you two." Ali confessed. 

"Why?" Tobin and Alex asked in unison.

"Because you're here together. You can just pick up and go where ever you want." Ali sighed. "I wish Ash was here with me." Ali obviously missed her wife.

"Aw, that's sweet." Alex replied. "So I guess things are going well between you guys?" She knew that not only had Ali and Ashlyn gotten in a big fight at the last camp, but their son was also having health problems.

"Yeah, things are great, actually. Ashlyn is so good to me." Ali said. She didn't realize it but she started smiling the moment she mentioned her wife's name. 

Tobin took her fiancé's hand from beneath the table and rested it in her lap. She was content to let her and Ali do most of the talking. She knew Alex was wanting more details. Tobin slouched down in the seat of the booth and leaned against her future wife to get comfortable. Between Ali and Alex there would be no shortage of words spoken in the restaurant that night.

"Her birthday is coming up. I wanted to surprise her and take her somewhere, but we can't leave Jacob." Ali said. She thought about her oldest son and added, "Poor thing." Ali paused because of the serious turn the conversation had taken. She didn't mean to bum anyone out. Her mind naturally went to her sick son. "Ash can't stand to be away from him when he's hurting. I almost worry about her more than I do about Jacob. I think she's ready to walk away from soccer, if things don't get better for him."

"Are you serious?" Alex asked. She was shocked. She was familiar with the hard road it had been for Ashlyn to finally get on the national team roster. 

"Yeah. She felt super guilty being away from him at our last camp. I honestly don't know what we're going to do. I have to fight with her to let me take him to chemo or to get her to take a break from all of it. She spends every second of every day thinking about Jacob's illness. I'm worried she's gonna break. So far she has held it together, but I feel like it's just a matter of time." 

"You should do something really fun for her birthday that will take her mind off of all the drama going on." Alex said. 

"That's what I want to do, but I can't think of a single thing that she would agree to do. Jake doesn't leave the house unless it's for a medical appointment. She doesn't want to leave him unless it's for Jacob's sake or for the other kids." Ali explained. "Therefore, she won't go anywhere. I don't think she would willingly leave, even for her birthday."

"Tobin and I will help you think of an idea. Right, Tobs?" Alex was confident that her thoughtful fiancé would be able to solve Ali's problems. 

"Uh, what?" Tobin had zoned out during the conversation. She had no idea what they were talking about.

"Haven't you been listening?" Alex scolded.

All of this felt very familiar to Ali. She understood Alex's frustration but her recent efforts to be patient and more appreciative of her wife's differences made her more sympathetic to Tobin's position.

"It's fine, Alex. You can explain it to her later. She's like my Ashlyn, she doesn't stress about details." Ali said. "And that's a good thing because I stress out about everything. It's a much needed balance." 

Alex softened up towards her favorite middy, and the three of them spent the rest of dinner brainstorming possible ideas for Ashlyn's soon coming birthday.

...

Ali was thankful to be able to catch an earlier flight home. She really missed her family and guessed that her wife might need some help. When she opened the front door she was greeted by a happy puppy and two excited children. She was hoping that Ashlyn and Jacob would also be waiting for her, but they weren't around. 

Ali searched the area and noticed that it didn't look like they had eaten yet. When she called Ashlyn and told her she would be coming home early, Ash swore she would be able to make dinner and have it ready for when she got home. She could easily see that Ashlyn's expectations didn't come to fruition. 

"Where's Mama and Jacob?" Ali asked.

Lexi spoke up. "Mama's with Jake. He's really sick."

A flash of panic hit Ali. She scanned the area to find something to keep her younger children busy and safe while she checked on the other members of the family. She didn't know what to expect or how long the children might be unsupervised. Monster barked at her as if he had read her mind and had the answer she was looking for.

"Can you guys take Monster outside to go potty? Make sure you play with him for a little while too. He wants to spend time with you two." Ali said. 

Samuel had a big grin on his face. He had just discovered that his Mommy could also speak the language known as DOG. When Monster barked he must've told Ali that he needed to go outside and play with his favorite kids. Sam thought his Mommy was pretty cool.

Ali watched Sam and Lex take Monster outside. She made sure that they obeyed her and didn't do anything that might be dangerous. When she was satisfied with their level of safety, she set out to check on Jacob and Ashlyn. 

She didn't have to see them to know where they were. She heard her wife's voice. Ashlyn was speaking in a soothing and calm tone. They were in Ali and Ashlyn's master bathroom sitting on the floor next to the toilet. Jacob was exhausted, pale, and covered in sweat. Ashlyn didn't look much better.

Ali knelt down beside them and put her hand on Ashlyn's shoulder. "Baby, take a break." Ali wanted her wife to let her take over. Ashlyn had other plans. 

"I'm fine." She whispered. 

Ali tried to help Ash up by putting an arm around her waist and lifting, but that only made Ashlyn more stubborn about staying. The exchange wasn't noticed by the sick boy but there was a definite struggle going on. 

"Ash, you need to let me help. Lexi and Sam need you downstairs." Ali said. 

Ashlyn didn't want to leave, but she knew that they couldn't continue their argument without Jacob being affected in some way. She followed the wishes of her wife and joined Lexi and Sam outside. She stayed out there for only a few minutes before deciding she needed to cook dinner for the family 

...

"You don't need to be doing that." Ali said. Her wife was in the process of boiling water to make spaghetti.

"I said I would make dinner." Ashlyn grumbled.

"Why are you mad?" Ali already knew the answer. It was because she was worn out and completely overwhelmed. But she thought it would be better for Ashlyn to figure it out for herself.

"I can take care of him, Alex. I'm able to do things by myself." At this exact moment the water boiled over and dripped down the sides of the pot. That was Ashlyn's breaking point. She picked up the hot pot with her bare hands and threw it in the sink. "Why don't you go ahead and take care of dinner, too."

Ali exhaled loudly and pulled some frozen carrots out of the freezer. She retraced her wife's steps to the back yard and handed her the cold bag of vegetables to help relieve the pain in her hands. 

"Sorry." Ashlyn mumbled from the swing she was sitting it.

Ali could tell she felt bad. She wanted to tell Ash that it was ok and that everything would be alright. But she knew Ashlyn needed to talk. Ali didn't want to lose this opportunity.

"One of us should be upstairs with Jacob." Ashlyn said. 

"He's ok. He's laying down." Ali answered. She was waiting for more from Ashlyn.

"My hands hurt." Ashlyn said. 

Ali was worried that was all she was going to get, but she decided to wait a little longer.

"My heart hurts, too." Ashlyn confessed.

"I know." Ali replied. She held to her decision to let her words be few. She knows how Ashlyn works. Ashlyn needs time to work through what she's feeling. Ali would wait for her as long as she needed.

Unfortunately the couple was interrupted by the screams of a four year old. Lexi hit him with one of Monster's tennis balls. The boy's reaction was more for show, but he needed attention. 

Ali kissed her wife's cheek and left to console him. Ashlyn headed to the kitchen to return the thawed out carrots to the freezer. She wandered upstairs and checked on Jacob. Ali was right, he was asleep. It seemed the worst was behind him, for now anyways.

Ashlyn joined her wife in the kitchen. She passed two small children who were sitting in time out on her way. She couldn't help but smile. Things had been so crazy lately, it was kind of comforting to see something normal. Her children were frequent visitors to the time out chairs.

"Need help?" Ash asked. Ali had started dinner. She was heating up meat sauce for spaghetti while the water boiled. 

"Sure." Ali answered. She handed Ashlyn the container with the pasta and said, "Be careful, the water's hot." Ali smirked.

"Very funny." Ash said. She was glad to get the chance to finish what she started. Everyone deserves a do-over from time to time.

"I missed you." Ali whispered. She could still feel tension in the atmosphere between them.

"I missed you, too." Ash answered honestly.

"Are you ok?" 

"I don't know. I feel like there are so many different things on my mind and I can't sort them out." Ashlyn stepped back from the pot of pasta and took a side step so that she was directly behind her wife. She put her head down on Ali's shoulder and hugged her waist. 

Ali kept stirring the sauce, but she used her free hand to hold onto her wife. "We have a lot to figure out, don't we?" Ali said.

Ashlyn laughed. "Ya know I was trying to think of a joke to lighten things up, but I can't think of one." 

"Maybe that's the joke." Ali replied. She turned around and hugged her wife with both hands. "You know what's not a joke?"

"What's that?"

"How much I love you. And how I know we will figure this out." Ali said. She knew the things that her wife was struggling with. She knew that only Ashlyn would be able to know what was right for her. She couldn't pressure her one way or the other. She needed to give her time to figure it out. 

She needed to wait.


	142. The Talk

"My two sleepy heads decided to join the land of the living." Ali said. She was helping Jacob with his homework when Ashlyn arrived carrying a very clingy and sleepy Samuel.

"Don't judge us for being expert nappers." Ashlyn replied. She gave her tired boy a kiss and let him pick out a juice box from the fridge.

Ash sat next to her wife at the kitchen table. She gave her a quick peck on the lips and let Sam get situated in her lap. She helped him poke the straw through the top of his juice box. He stuck the straw in his mouth laid his head back down on his Mama's shoulder. 

Ashlyn took a sip of her own juice and looked over the math worksheets spread across the table and said, "You sure you don't want to wait for Rachel to come over and help you? Your Mom is pretty old. I wouldn't be surprised if she's forgotten all of this stuff." 

"Ha ha. You're hilarious." Ali rolled her eyes. "You just drink your juice and don't worry about it." 

Ashlyn took a sip and replied, "Just admit it, you're old." 

"Watch your mouth. You're the one who's birthday is coming up." Ali answered.

"So what? I will always be younger than you. You will always be a cradle robber." Ashlyn teased.

"Mom, is that why you always call her 'baby.'" Jacob wanted to get in on the joke.

"Now, I'm being ganged up on. I should ground both of you." Ali replied. Jacob's eyes went big and he got a little nervous when she said that, but Ash waved her hand signaling that he should dismiss it. Ali wasn't serious.

Samuel had been quietly watching everything unfold and sipping on his juice box. When Ashlyn picked him up from school, his teacher warned her that he had a rough day. She said he had a meltdown and cried on the playground for most of their playtime. 

The teacher said she didn't know what had caused it. There weren't any other children around him and he didn't seem to be injured. 

Once Ash and Sam got home they tried to take Monster on a quick walk. Samuel begged to be carried and whined most of the way. Ashlyn decided to skip his usual after school playtime and go straight to nap time. 

When Ashlyn tucked him in, he begged her to stay with him. Her tender heart wouldn't let her leave. She was hoping once nap time ended he would be his usual self. For some reason that didn't seem to be the case.

"Sorry my YOUNG wife." Ashlyn apologized, emphasizing the word 'young.' "I'm gonna take this guy outside to play with Monster." Ashlyn was committed to cheering up the boy.

He was either really tired or really bothered about something. She was determined to find out.

...

Ali had worked out a plan with Annie to come over after Lexi got home from school. She wanted to take Ashlyn out to dinner and have a serious conversation with her. Their youngest son wasn't helping matters. She knew that if he threw a fit, Ashlyn wouldn't want to leave. 

"Baby, can I talk to you really quick?" Ali asked. Ashlyn, Jacob, and Sam were playing Go Fish at the table. 

"Sure." Ash answered. She started to stand up and Samuel grabbed her arm in a panic. She leaned down and said, "I'm just going over there." She pointed a few feet away. "You'll be ok. Plus you've got you're big brother here to protect you."

"Yeah, Sam. I'll take care of you." Jake said proudly. 

"Mama." Samuel started to cry.

Ali knew they weren't going to get anywhere unless she stepped in. 

"Sweetheart, you need to be a big boy. It will just be a minute, I promise." Ali simultaneously kissed his cheek and removed his hand from Ashlyn's arm. 

She replaced his hand with her own and dragged her wife away from their sensitive boy. Poor Samuel started to cry. Ali knew that he was fine and that giving in wasn't going to help him or anyone else, for that matter.

"Baby." Ali snapped her fingers in front of Ashlyn's face to get her attention. Ashlyn had let Ali drag her away but her eyes never left their crying son. 

At the sound of Ali's snapping, Ashlyn pulled out of her sad concern for their son and focused on her wife.

"What?" Ash asked.

"I'm taking you out for dinner tonight." Ali said. She saw that her wife was going to object and she quickly cut her off. "No arguments!" 

"What about..." Ash's eyes wandered back to her children.

"Annie is coming over. She's bringing Joey. Sam will be fine. And before you ask, Rachel is also coming over. Jacob won't even miss us." Ali explained.

"Why do we have to go?" Ash asked. Her instinct when responding to their children's difficulties was to stay as close to them as possible and give them whatever they needed. 

Ali loved Ashlyn's heart for their family, but she knew Ash needed to get away from it all in order to think clearly about their future. It was absolutely necessary for her to get out of the house.

"We have to go because we need to talk and you need a break." Ali said.

"What do we have to talk about?" Ash asked. She was being serious.

"Are you serious?" Ali asked. She couldn't believe Ash didn't know. To her it was obvious. "How about the fact that your brain is about to explode."

Ashlyn couldn't help but laugh. Her wife was right. She did feel like her brain was about to explode. "What if Sam freaks?"

"I will send you to the car and I will handle it." Ali answered. 

Ash took a deep breath in and looked at the sad face of her little boy. She let the breath out and agreed. "Ok. But I can't help it that our children have me wrapped around their finger. They learned it from you." Ash grabbed Ali's pinky to emphasize her point. 

"I promise everyone will survive today. It will be fine." Ali used her very powerful pinky to lead Ashlyn back into the kitchen so that Sam could be reunited with his Mama.

...

Ali was right. As soon as Joey showed up Samuel's need for Ashlyn's constant attention lessened. He wasn't happy about them leaving but he got over it soon after they left. Annie sent them a text letting them know that he was doing fine.

"Look at our baby." Ali said. She showed Ashlyn the picture Annie had texted. The photo was Sam with a huge smile on his face. He was being chased around the yard by Joey and Monster. "I told you he would be fine."

"Yes, you are very wise." Ash replied a little too sarcastically for Ali's liking.

"Speaking of wise..." Ali was ready to change the subject and get down to business. "I think it would be wise for us to talk about our future."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, for starters how are you feeling about national team duties?" Ali asked. 

"You mean because of Jacob?" Ash asked.

"Yes."

"I don't know. I've been thinking that it might be better for me to stay with him while you're gone." Ashlyn admitted what she had been struggling with since his diagnosis.

"Ok." Ali needed to hear Ashlyn say it for herself. She knew that's what she had been thinking, but didn't want to be the one to bring it up. "Don't you think it's a little premature to be thinking that way?" 

"I don't know. He's sick. What else is there?" Ash asked.

"Well, he could get better soon. I feel like it's way too early for our minds to be going in that direction." Ali answered.

"I'm not satisfied with how his health is going, Alex. If we had to go somewhere and play tomorrow I wouldn't go." Ash explained.

"Ashlyn, I'm worried about him too, but you're overreacting."

"You think I'm overreacting because I want to stay home with my sick son?" Ashlyn couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"No, of course not! I'm saying that I think he's going to get better. I think that this is another hurdle that we have to jump over to get to our dream. I don't want you to be so quick to give up on yourself." Ali explained.

"It's up to me whether I give up on my dream, or not. I don't want to, but I can't leave him. I just can't do it." 

"Ok. I think it's too early to be seriously considering stepping away from US Soccer, but I will support you. Of course, I will support you." Ali said.

"Thank you." Ashlyn answered. She was glad to get that over with.

"One more thing." Ali said. Ashlyn thought the hard stuff was done until she heard Ali's next words. 

"Ashlyn, whatever you decide...we're in this together." Ali said. She felt that maybe she wasn't clear enough, so she said it in another way. "If you step away from the national team, so do I."

"Wait....what?" Ashlyn was shocked. She wasn't going to let Ali do that.

"Ash, I'm serious. If our son truly needs us here, then we both stay." Ali clarified.

"You can't quit. The team needs you. You've worked so hard coming back from your injury and now your better than ever!" 

"Ashlyn, listen to what you're saying. You can't stand to think of me giving up on what I've worked so hard for. How do you think I feel?" Ali reached across the table to hold on to her wife's hand. "If Jacob is sick, then of course we make the right decision and stay. But if you think that I'm ok with you fading away so easily, then you must not realize how much respect and love I have for you." Ali said. 

She knew that Ashlyn was her biggest support, just like she was Ashlyn's through the years. Ali wanted Ashlyn to see what she was asking Ali to do. She was asking Ali to allow her to give up on something that had been a struggle and had cost her more than anyone could try to calculate. She wanted Ali to let her give up just before she was going to be rewarded for everything she sacrificed through the years.

Ashlyn put her head down and covered her face. Ali left her seat across from her and sat down next to her. She put a hand on her back and rubbed comforting circles. 

"Sweetheart, I'm sorry if I upset you." Ali apologized.

Ashlyn shook her head and said, "It's not your fault." She leaned into Ali and said, "I'm really scared about Jake."

"Me, too." Ali agreed. "We have no control over what happens and that freaks me out. The one thing we can control is whether or not we play soccer. I think that's why you can't stop thinking about it. But that's a decision that doesn't need to be made, right now."

Ashlyn nodded in agreement. Ali was right. She was focusing on the wrong things, and it was causing her to be overwhelmed and ready to give up.

"I guess we should wait until later to make a decision about our careers." Ash answered.

"I guess so." Ali smiled. Her wife was now on the same page. 

"So you think I'm worrying too much about things we have no control over?" Ash said. "You, the person who worries about everything, think that I'm worrying too much."

"Yes." Ali answered with a small smile. 

"Hmm....Ok. I hear ya. I will try to keep my mind from going in that direction. I promise." 

"Thank you." Ali kissed her wife's cheek and returned to her side of the table. She was ready to eat. Worrying can make a person hungry.

...

The two women returned home and found that the world did not come to an end. Their family survived their absence and seemed to be just fine.

Ashlyn promised her wife that she would try to focus on real things that were in her control, instead of worrying about potential negative things that may never happen.

Ali considered that a big step in the right direction. Their future was still looking bright.


	143. Mud Puddles & Chocolate

"Mama!" Samuel cried when he saw Ashlyn walk through the door of his classroom. He ran straight to her with his hands up in the air seeking the safety of his Mama's arms. Ashlyn scooped him up and felt his little hands hold onto her with urgency. 

Samuel's teacher instructed the other children to continue in their work while she asked to speak with Ashlyn in the hallway. She left the door open so that she could keep an eye on the other children while explaining to Ashlyn what had happened.

"Samuel has been crying and asking for you since you dropped him off this morning." Sam's teacher said and patted his arm. She was concerned about the boy. "I am so sorry to bother you and have you come in. But because this is the third time this week that he's had a probelm, the principal and I wanted to ask you to intervene. Some children struggle with being away from home at this age, and I know at first he had a hard time, but that wasn't the case after the first few days. Now that he has not only returned to his past behavior, but has gotten worse, I think there must be something else going on." 

She handed Ashlyn an envelope and said, "This is a letter from the school principal. I thought it would be better if we didn't discuss certain things right now." She nodded towards Samuel who was hiding his face in Ashlyn's shirt. Ashlyn understood and graciously thanked the woman for being sensitive of the boy's feelings. 

Ash placed the envelope in her pocket and asked, "Is it alright for me to take him home?" Ashlyn wasn't sure what school procedure was in a situation like this. Technically she is his parent and can do whatever she wants, but she wanted to make sure it was in his best interest.

"Yes, you can take him. It might be good for him to have a day to have some alone time with you. He talks about you all the time." 

"Thanks, I'll try to figure out what's going on. Thank you so much for your help and kindness towards this guy." Ashlyn gave her son a little bounce in her arms but this caused him to want to hide even more against his Mama. 

"He's a special guy. It's my pleasure to have him in my class." 

Ashlyn thanked her a few more times before leaving with her son. 

...

Ashlyn bought Samuel ice cream and took him to the zoo. She pretended to be an elephant and chased Sam around, waving her arms like a trunk and making elephant noises. She was exhausted but it paid off. Samuel's laughter gave her hope that the boy was going to be ok. On the ride home she was able to get him to talk. His explanation for his behavior made her feel like the worst mother in the world.

Ali and Jacob were waiting for them at home. They were both pleased to see Sam smiling and chatting nonstop. He was excited to tell them about the monkeys and the lions that he saw. He also filled them in on the fact that his Mama made a very good elephant. 

"Sam-Bam, we need to take Monster for a walk. Can you go get him for me, please?" Ashlyn asked. The boy was more than happy to obey. She used the opportunity to talk to her wife in private.

Ali could tell right away that Ashlyn had something on her mind. As soon as Sam left to get his dog, she walked towards the kitchen to get separation from their oldest son who was playing video games. "What's going on, Ash?" Ali asked.

"Here." Ash pulled out a folded up envelope from her back pocket. "His teacher gave this to me." The letter from his principal suggested that he might not be ready for school. It also included other possible reasons for his recent behavior. There was some reading material included about particular issues children his age struggle with. The principal said that the majority of a child's reasons for misbehaving starts with family problems. 

Ali took several minutes to scan through the contents of the envelope. Samuel would be back any minute. Ashlyn needed her attention now.

"Babe, you can read that while we're out walking Monster." Ashlyn said. She took the pages out of her wife's hands and threw it on the counter. "I already know what his problem is. He told me on the way home."

"Ok, what did he say?" Ali asked. She could see that her wife was noticeably upset.

"He said that he's sad because I'm sad." Ashlyn answered. Her eyes started to water and she wiped them with the end of her sleeve. "He knows that there's something wrong with me." Ash further explained.

"Ash there's nothing wrong with you, we're just going through a hard time."

"But I can't keep it together. I was thinking about it, and I don't spend enough time with him or Lexi anymore. I'm so worried about Jake, that I've ignored him and Lex. I'm a horrible mother!" Ashlyn said. She was filled with guilt. She wasn't balancing her time well. 

"Kids are perceptive." Ali said. This didn't make Ashlyn feel any better.

"Yeah, obviously." Ash said sarcastically. She could feel a new set of tears rise up. Ali could see that her wife misinterpreted her intention.

"Baby, don't cry. Sam can see that you're hurting. It's not your fault. It's a natural reaction to what our family is going through. We have sensitive kids. Sam is especially sensitive when it comes to you. You shouldn't feel bad about that. He loves you."

"Yeah, but I'm the parent. I shouldn't be causing him to hurt. I should be doing the opposite. I should be helping him." Ashlyn reasoned.

At this moment their little guy came running through the kitchen chasing his dog. He tried to grab him but Monster was too wiggly for the boy. "Mama. help me!" Sam yelled. 

Ali laughed and gave Ashlyn's hand a squeeze. "Ash, our sensitive son needs your help."

Ashlyn wiped her eyes dry and put on a happy face. She joined her son in chasing the dog around the house. Ali outsmarted both of them and grabbed the leash that was hanging by the door. When Monster heard the rattle of the chain and fastener of the leash he ran to her and let her clip the leash on his collar. She gave her wife a know-it-all smirk and handed her the leash. She knew they would finish their conversation after the dog's walk.

...

"Mama, watch!" Samuel took off running. The boy found the biggest puddle he could and jumped in with both feet. He stomped around and kicked the water at his Mama and dog. Ashlyn didn't have the heart to tell him to stop, even though she knew she would probably get into trouble with her wife when they got home.

After a few minutes of puddle stomping, Ashlyn stuck her hand out for her son to hold. "It's time to head back, Bam. Mommy is going to be missing us."

Sam stepped out of the puddle and walked with heavy steps. "Mama, my shoes are squishy." Samuel's shoes were filled with water and he could see water squirt out with every step.

"That's what happens when you play in puddles, buddy." 

"I like it." Sam admitted. He started to hop up and down with each step Ashlyn took. He wanted to squeeze as much water out of his shoes as possible. He liked the wet mark it left on the sidewalk. 

"Mommy probably isn't gonna like it. As soon as we get home we're gonna take off your shoes and hide them in the garage." Ashlyn instructed. She knew her partner in crime would probably end up spilling their secret, but it was a risk worth taking.

"Ok, Mama!" Sam easily agreed and then went back to his jumping.

When they arrived home Ash opened the front door to let Monster in and helped Sam take his shoes off. The boy's pants were soaked and muddy. She knew she had to get him in the bath before Ali could complain. 

She picked the boy up, holding him in one arm, and carrying his shoes in her free hand. She wrapped the shoes up in a bag and threw them in the first hiding spot she could find. She had heard Ali's voice and knew she had to make a run for it.

Ali saw the back of her wife as she carried their son up the stairs. "Is everything alright?" Ali yelled in their direction.

"Yep, we're just getting ready for our afternoon nap." Ash said and increased her pace. She needed to get as much distance between them as possible. 

Ashlyn stripped Sam of his muddy clothes and struggled to get him in the bath tub. Sam always hated the thought of bathing, but once he got into the water he loved it. Ash was able to get Sam cleaned up and changed. She carried him downstairs to give Ali a kiss before his nap. He was wearing his Superman pajamas and pretended to fly down the stairs. 

Superman and his Mama felt like they were in the clear, but Ali was on to them. First off, Monster was just as muddy, if not more-so, as Samuel. Ali had sentenced their dog to the back yard when he tried to greet her with a sloppy dog kiss. Finally, Ali easily found Ashlyn's desperate hiding spot. When Ashlyn and Sam approached Ali she was holding a semi-frozen bag of soaking wet shoes. 

"Look what I found." Ali said and held up the bag. "It's the funniest thing, I got up to get Jacob and I some ice water and when I opened the freezer I found this." Ali pointed to the plastic bag.

"Oops." Both Sam and Ashlyn said simultaneously. The partners in crime had been caught. 

Ali got up close to her favorite trouble makers and touched her index finger to her cheek two times. Samuel leaned in and gave her a kiss. She did the same thing to her wife and received a penitent kiss from her, as well. 

"Sorry." Ash whispered. 

"It's ok. I love to see you two smile." Ali gave her wife a real kiss and tickled her son's belly. He squirmed and giggled in his Mama's arms. 

It was music to both women's ears. The sound of joy had once again filled the Krieger-Harris house. 

...

"Alex, I'm turning over a new leaf." Ashlyn announced. They had just read a story to their little boy and tucked him in for his nap. 

"Is that right?" Ali answered a little sarcastically.

"Yeah. From now on I am going to keep a list of things that I am thankful for and all the stuff that's going good. I'm gonna keep it in my phone and set a reminder to read it every day. I need to get my head right. Seeing Sam cry because he's feeling sad and its my fault....I just can't let that happen. He's four. He shouldn't worry about a thing. He should be playing and having fun." Ashlyn said.

After hearing Ashlyn's explanation, Ali felt a little bad about being sarcastic. "That's a great idea. I think I might steal it from you. It's so easy to focus on the negative things going on. I forget to notice all of the great things that are happening." 

"Yeah, me too." Ash agreed. "You know what I'm gonna put at the top of my list?" Ash asked. 

"What?" Ali asked.

"Your name." Ashlyn answered.

"And then all of our babies' names?" Ali asked.

"Yep." 

"I love you." Ali said. She kissed her wife and said, "I'm gonna put chocolate at the top of mine." Ali teased. 

Her wife immediately picked her up and threw her over her shoulder. She carried her downstairs and locked her outside in the backyard with their muddy dog. Jacob watched the interaction from the couch. He thought his parents were crazy.

"Let me in!' Ali pounded on the glass door. 

"What's number one on your list?" Ash yelled. 

"You are! Ok?" Ali corrected her list so that it was to her wife's liking.

Jacob curiously asked, "What the heck is going on?" 

"Your Mom needs to get her priorities straight." Ash said. 

"Jacob!" Ali tried to appeal to her son. "Please! Please, help me."

Ashlyn looked at her son as if to challenge him. He had to choose who's side he was on. Instead of making an impossible decision he smiled at Ashlyn and then coughed. It was totally a fake cough and everybody knew it.

He coughed one more time and then said, "I'm not feeling too good. I think I need to take it easy on the couch." Jacob laid himself out on the couch and spread his arms and legs to cover as much of it as possible.

Ashlyn had to admit, her son was pretty smooth. Her thoughts of pride were interrupted by Ali's muffled voice behind the glass. "Hello!" Ali said. "I'm still out here."

Ashlyn had mercy on her wife and let her back inside the house. She couldn't be too hard on the #1 thing she was thankful for in her life. Ali's spot was secure on her list, no matter how much she liked chocolate.


	144. HBD 2.0

Ashlyn woke up to the muffled giggles of her favorite four year old. Ali had planned things perfectly. She had the older children help her decorate the house, including their bedroom, for Ashlyn's birthday. She delegated the birthday card decorating to Samuel, so that he wouldn't wake up his Mama with his excitement. 

Once everything was ready, Jacob led the way with a tray of Ashlyn's favorite breakfast foods. Lexi followed him, and Samuel took up the rear with Ali. He held his Mommy's hand and used his other hand to cover his mouth to block his laughter. He was bursting with wiggles and giggles. He couldn't wait to wish his Mama a happy birthday.

Ali let Ashlyn sleep in on her special day. She knew that her wife loved to sleep, but also knew she wouldn't want to sleep the day away. Their children were the perfect alarm clock for Ashlyn. 

Ali lifted her little boy up so that his face was right next to his Mama. Ali whispered to him, "Remember your lines, Sweetheart?" 

Samuel shook his head dramatically to let his Mom know he remembered. Ali said, "Go ahead and say it, love."

"Ok, Mommy!" Sam said loudly. Jacob couldn't help but laugh at him. Lexi rolled her eyes. It was the sound of Jake's laughter that caused Sam to laugh uncontrollably, thus waking up the birthday girl.

Ashlyn opened her eyes and Ali quickly covered them with her hand. She whispered into her wife's ear and told her to close her eyes and let Sam wake her up. Ashlyn listened to her, but couldn't hide the small smile that was forming on her lips. She loved her family so much.

"Ok, Sammy." Ali whispered. "Tell Mama what we practiced."

"Ok, Mommy!" Sam said just as loudly as before. "Mama, happy birthday! We love you and...and...um..." Sam struggled to remember his lines. He turned to Ali, "Mommy?"

Ali whispered in his ear. Sam bonked himself on the head and said, "Oh yeah! Duh!" He couldn't believe he forgot the last part. That was the best part. He looked at Ali and asked, "Can I do it again?" 

"Sure, baby. But hurry up. Mama needs to wake up." Ali said. She gave her wife a light pat on the leg to let her know she appreciated her patience.

Samuel left Ali's grip and laid down flat on Ashlyn's chest. He placed his head next to Ashlyn's ear and said, "Mama, I love you." Samuel had once again gotten distracted. He had waited all morning to cuddle with Ashlyn, and now that he had the chance his attention span was making it difficult for him to focus.

"Mom, the food is getting cold." Jake said to Ali.

"Let's give him another chance." Ali answered patiently. "Samuel, what do you need to tell Mama?" Ali asked.

"Oops. Hi, Mama." Sam sat up on Ashlyn's stomach. "We have a surprise for you." 

Ashlyn didn't know that that was her cue. Ali had to smack her arm lightly to get her to open her eyes.

"What are you guys doing here?" Ash asked, once she had revealed that she was awake. She played along for Samuel's sake. 

"Mama, it's your birthday!" Sam cheered. 

"Happy birthday, Mama!" Lexi handed Ashlyn a small gift bag. "I made it myself." The girl bragged.

"Thank you!" Ashlyn said and opened it. It was a bracelet made out of plastic beads that Lexi carefully strung together. "I love it!" Ash put it on her wrist right away and gave her girl a kiss.

"Mama, I made you this!" Samuel handed Ashlyn the card he made out of construction paper. Ali helped him glue on pictures and decorate it with glitter and markers.

"Wow! Bam, this is awesome! I love it. Thank you." Ashlyn looked at every detail carefully and let Sam explain to her what each blob and scribble was meant to be. 

"Here, Mama." Jacob said and placed the tray of food in her lap. "I wrote you a song." He said. 

Ali told her wife to get comfortable and enjoy the show.

Ali took a seat next to her wife in their bed. The kids left the room for a moment to get ready for the performance. They returned with backward hats and sunglasses on.

Jacob started things off. "Ready?" His siblings nodded with attitude to stay in character, and Jake continued. "Hey, I'm J-Dogg, this is my girl L-Dub" Jake gestured to his sister. "And this is my homie, Sammy-Smooth. Together we're the hottest rappers in this hood." 

After the introduction, Jacob started a simple beatbox rhythm for his brother and sister to dance and rap to. 

Lexi was the star rapper. "Yo, Mama. It's your birthday. Gonna have some fun for your birthday. Gonna eat some cake for your birthday. We all love you on your birthday!" 

At the end of the short rap Sam added in a couple 'yeahs' and a 'hey.' They could've said anything and Ashlyn would've loved it. Her children's efforts to let her know she was loved on her birthday filled her with great joy. 

It was the perfect start to her birthday.

...

After a foot and back massage from her kids, Ashlyn was escorted downstairs to the living room. Ali knew that because of Jake's health they couldn't take the family out. They were trying to avoid him being exposed to more germs than necessary. However, Ali also knew that Ashlyn wouldn't be happy unless her kids were involved. She planned a morning and afternoon of fun with the children, and then she planned to take Ash out for some alone time in the evening.

The family spent the day together playing games and having a dance party in Ashlyn's honor. Ali did a great job. She dressed the kids up in fun outfits and even talked Ash into getting in on the action.

Ali's Dad came over and grilled Ashlyn's favorite cut of steak. He made hot dogs and chicken for the rest of the family. After dinner Ali informed her wife that there was a second part to her birthday.

"We're going out." Ali said.

"We are?" Ash asked. She was assuming Ali meant the whole family.

"I haven't given you your gift from me yet." Ali answered. There was a sparkle in her eye that made Ashlyn really want to open her gift.

"Where is it?" Ash asked.

"You can't have it now, Baby." Ali said. She turned her back to Ash and announced to their children, "Say goodbye to Mama and me." 

The kids seemed to have known this was coming. They didn't question Ali. They gave them both a kiss and wished Ash a happy birthday one more time.

Ashlyn didn't question her wife. She followed her to the car. Ali opened the door for the birthday girl and gave her a deep kiss. "I love you...SO much." Ali said. 

"Love you, too." Ash replied sweetly. "So, umm...we're leaving the kids?" Ash asked. She could see that Ali packed a bag. It was in plain sight in the backseat.

"Just for the night. We'll be back before they even wake up." Ali said and reached over the center console to try and calm any nerves or apprehensive feelings her wife might have. "Baby, I promise it will be ok." 

Ashlyn squeezed Ali's hand and said, "I know. I'm glad I get to spend some alone time with you." Ashlyn was ready to party.

Ali took Ashlyn out for drinks. The two women laughed as both men and women hit on them. They made a game of it. Whoever got hit on the most at the end of the night, won. 

There came a moment in the evening when Ali turned serious. She reached one hand around the back of Ashlyn's neck and pulled her in for a kiss. The women spent the rest of their time there touching one another in some way. There were no more games being played. 

Ali pulled out a box from her purse and slid it on the table. Inside the box was a new watch. Ashlyn had had her eye on it for awhile. Ali knew she would love it. "Thank you, Babe." Ashlyn gave her wife another kiss and placed the watch on the same wrist as the bracelet Lexi had just given her.

Ali pulled out an even smaller box and slid it across the table. "Open it." She instructed.

Ashlyn did as her wife had asked and found a key card.

"The watch on your wrist says it's time to go. The key in your hand gives you a place to unwrap your last gift." Ali said. She played with a button on her shirt and made it clear that she was the final gift that needed unwrapped.

"What color?" Ash asked. She knew her wife would understand.

"Black." Ali answered quietly. She guided her wife's hand underneath her dress and up her thigh, until Ashlyn felt the lace of the lingerie that she now knew was black. 

Ali watched her wife's eyes darken. "It's time." Ashlyn said. She tapped on her new watch to make a point. She grabbed her wife's arm and hurried her to leave. 

Ali was in a hurry, too. She didn't want to wait another second. Thankfully, the hotel room she had rented for the night was nearby. Ali couldn't wait to give Ashlyn her final gift.

Ashlyn's birthday festivities were exactly what she needed. She was hopeful that the next year would hold many adventures and laughter shared with her family. She couldn't think of a better way to spend her days.


	145. Vows & Forever (Part One)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a FLASHBACK chapter.
> 
> This chapter includes the beginning of a prompt request.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading and for the kindness you have shown to me.

FLASHBACK

"Ashlyn Michelle, I need you to pay attention!" Ali said. She was overwhelmed with wedding planning and her fiancé didn't seem to care.

"I am paying attention." Ashlyn said with her back towards Ali. She had the tv remote in her hand and she was in the process of turning the volume up.

"You're making the TV even louder. How can you say you're paying attention? You're trying to drown me out." Ali replied.

Ashlyn didn't try to defend herself. She didn't know she needed too. She didn't hear what Ali had said. The TV was too loud, just as Ali had said.

"ASHLYN!" Ali yelled.

That got Ashlyn's attention. She quickly muted the television and turned toward her soon-to-be bride. "What?" She asked timidly.

"I've been asking for your help ever since we got engaged and you don't care."

"Yes, I do." Ashlyn defended herself.

"You have literally said to me 'I don't care' several times when I have asked for your opinion about wedding things." Ali answered back.

"You ask me about stuff that doesn't matter that much to me." Ashlyn tried to defend herself again, but only ended up getting herself into more trouble.

"Our wedding doesn't matter to you?" Ali asked in an accusing tone.

"That's not what I meant. I care about our wedding, but I don't care about place settings or whatever they're called. I don't care about if we have circular tables or square ones. I don't care what color the plates are. I don't care about that kind of thing. That's what I meant." Ashlyn answered.

"So, I'm the one who has to handle all of this stuff? How is that fair? Whether you care or not these decisions have to be made, and I would like to know that I can depend on my future wife to support me and help me. Even if she doesn't care." Ali said. 

She was frustrated with everything that had been going wrong recently and she would've appreciated more understanding from the person she was going to spend the rest of her life with.

"I'm sorry. What do you want me to do?" Ash asked. She assumed her efforts weren't that important since planning a big event was more Ali's thing. This was Ashlyn's first lesson in how to help her wife feel less overwhelmed. It was a lesson she would carry with her through their marriage. It was simple. She had to make herself available and simply ask what she could do to help. Over the years this would save them a lot of unnecessary drama.

After Ashlyn asked Ali what she could do to help, Ali's frustration decreased greatly. She took her fiancé's hand and showed her the most recent problem that had developed for their wedding.

"Our wedding is in three days and the hall where we're having our reception has just informed me that the tables have room for seven chairs and not eight. That means our seating arrangement has to be completely redone and we have to pay for more tables." Ali explained. She showed Ashlyn the paper that had the table placement drawn out on it.

Ashlyn studied the paper. She didn't say a word to her fiancé, causing Ali to wonder if she had made a mistake asking for Ash's help. Ashlyn clicked her tongue a few times and then gave her opinion.

"Why do we have to have assigned seats? I mean, obviously the wedding party is at the head table. And then family up front. But besides that, why not just let people sit wherever they want?" Ash asked.

Ali was about to explain to Ashlyn how things are 'supposed' to be done, when it dawned on her...things didn't need to be done a certain way. This was their wedding. They were already going against a lot of traditional wedding expectations. This was their day. Ashlyn was right.

"You know what?" Ali said sounding a little shocked. "You're right." Ali circled the few front tables they would need to make sure their families had good seats and decided that she wasn't going to worry about the rest of the tables. 

Ali gave her future wife a kiss on the cheek and said, "Thank you, Baby. You helped out a lot."

"I'm glad I could help." Ash smiled. She was genuinely happy she could relieve some stress off of Ali.

The days leading up to their wedding were filled with mini meltdowns by Ali and reassuring encouragement from Ashlyn. 

...

The day before their wedding was filled with last minute planning, picking up friends and relatives, the ceremony rehearsal, and the rehearsal dinner. 

Ali and Ashlyn had never looked happier. They were attached at the hip for most of the day. The rehearsal dinner was the last 'official' event scheduled before the big day.

Ashlyn was informed by her brother that she was being kidnapped for the rest of the night, and that she should kiss Ali goodnight. Ashlyn wasn't excited about the idea, but she couldn't say no to her brother.

Ali was actually a little relieved when she heard that Chris had planned to take Ashlyn out for the night. There was going to be a noticeable absence of family members on the Harris side. She didn't want her future wife to feel anything but love during this time, even if it meant a high possibility of trouble occurring with the Harris siblings getting together. Ashlyn's brother always brought out Ashlyn's wild side.

That night Ashlyn and Chris drank too much at a local strip club. Ashlyn woke up with a hangover and a guilty conscience. She cursed her brother as soon as she saw him. 

"I hate you." Ashlyn grumbled in the direction of her brother who was asleep in the hotel bed next to her. He was passed out and had no hope of hearing her anytime soon.

Ashlyn rubbed the temples of her head trying to ease some of the pressure that was pulsating. All she could think about was how she had let down Ali.

Her first instinct was to dial her fiancé's number. She pulled out her cell phone and called Ali. As she listened to the ringing she walked into the bathroom for some privacy. Ali picked up after the third ring.

"Hey, fiancé-soon to be my wife-in just a couple of hours." Ali answered cheerfully and a little too loudly for Ash's head to appreciate.

"Hey." Ash replied. Ali could hear that she was tired and maybe sad.

"Is something wrong?" Ali asked.

"I drank too much." Ash answered honestly. 

"I'm sorry, Baby. Are you ok?" Ali asked.

"Yeah. I also feel bad about something." Ash confessed.

At this point in the conversation Ali decided to find a private place to talk. She had been helping her Mom make breakfast for Kyle and a few other family members. 

"What did you do?" Ali asked. It sounded more harsh than Ali meant it to.

"Chris took me to a strip club. I felt bad the whole time." Ash explained. Ali could hear the guilt and shame in her voice. "That's why I drank so much. I didn't want to be there. I just wanted to be with you. I'm sorry, Alex."

Ali wasn't sure how to respond. She didn't like the idea of her fiancé watching women dance and undress in front of her, but she didn't feel as bad about it as Ash did.

"Baby, it's ok. Honestly. You didn't touch them or anything, right?" Ali asked. She wanted to make sure she wasn't forgiving her too quickly.

"Heck, no! I would never. I couldn't even look at them. I felt so guilty." Ashlyn replied.

"Then I forgive you." Ali reaffirmed to her fiancé that they were ok.

"You're not mad at me?" 

"No. I'm mad at Chris, though. You shouldn't have drank so much. You need to be your best today." Ali was very protective of Ashlyn. She felt Chris used their sibling bond to make Ashlyn do things she wouldn't normally do. Like get drunk and go to a strip club.

"I love you so much, Alex. The whole time we were there, I kept thinking about you and how much you mean to me. Partying with my brother isn't anything compared to being with you. I can't explain it. You've changed me. I would rather stay home with you than go out. I don't deserve you. You mean everything to me. I can't wait to marry you!" Ashlyn said. 

She had found the person that saw the good in her that even she couldn't see.


	146. Vows & Forever (Part Two)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a Flashback chapter. It contains the beginning of a prompt request.
> 
> Warning for brief strong language.

FLASHBACK

Ali heard a quiet tapping on the second story window of her old bedroom at her Dad's house. She was shocked to see her fiancé hanging from the roof just outside the window.

"Are you kidding me, Ashlyn?" Ali hurried to open the window. She put both arms around Ash to prevent her from falling backwards and pulled her inside.

"Ashlyn, what are you doing?" Ali asked. "You scared me to death." Ali pulled her into a hug and held her tight. Once her heart rate had settled she pushed Ashlyn away and said, "You're not supposed to see me until the wedding!"

"I couldn't help it. I HAD to see you." Ashlyn said. "I couldn't wait another minute. Why did we decide to have an evening wedding?"

"Baby, I love you. But you can't be here. It's bad luck." Ali was secretly glad to see Ashlyn, especially after the rough night her fiancé had with her brother.

"Why is it bad luck? It's bad luck for us to be apart. That's what's true for us. Why do we care what others say?" Ashlyn said. She had a point. Things were always better when they were together.

"You know I love you. But we're both busy all day. You're supposed to be at breakfast with your grandparents, Whit, Chris, HAO, and Tobin in twenty minutes." Ali straightened up the collar on Ashlyn's shirt and tried to smooth out her messy hair.

"I don't want to leave you." Ashlyn whined.

Ali thought her fiancé was sweet. She knew Ashlyn wasn't feeling well. She had had too much to drink when she went out with her brother the night before. Ashlyn always got a little extra clingy and sentimental when she wasn't feeling well. And she was already affectionate to begin with.

"Baby." Ali pulled Ashlyn in by the waist and said, "We're gonna spend the rest of our lives together. Enjoy this time with your friends and family." She gave Ash a kiss on the cheek and gave her a playful pat on the butt.

"You kick'n me out?" Ash asked. She wasn't really offended but she didn't mind getting a little extra affectionate sympathy from her fiancé if she could.

"I'm not kicking you out, I'm just asking you to stay on schedule today." Ali said. She turned to get an extra copy of the day's agenda to give to Ashlyn. She knew she had probably lost the original one she gave her the day before. 

When Ali turned around she gasped when she saw Ashlyn. "What are doing?" Ali ran to the window where Ash was currently climbing out of.

"You told me to leave." Ashlyn answered. She didn't see the problem.

Ali pulled Ashlyn back into the room and stuck her own head out to see what possible pathway Ash was thinking of taking. "How did you get up here?" She asked.

"I climbed a tree next to the house and jumped on the roof. I found your room and I hung off the edge. I used my foot to knock on the glass to get your attention." Ashlyn explained.

Ali was mortified. "You could've broken your neck! Are you crazy?" Ali put both hands over her heart and started pacing and talking to herself. "I'm going to be on the news. The headline will be 'Poor bride-to-be left all alone in life after fiancé falls to her death.' I won't even get a chance to be a widow."

"Um..." Ashlyn didn't know what to say. She wasn't used to this. She was usually the one doing the daydreaming. She shook Ali's shoulder and said, "Are you ok?" 

Ali put her focus back on Ashlyn and said, "You're going to sneak out the back door. I'm not gonna let you fall to your death less than ten hours from our wedding." Ali said. 

She grabbed Ashlyn's arm and escorted her down the steps. She looked around the corner to make sure no one saw them and pushed Ash in front of her until they arrived at the back door.

"Ashlyn, I love you." Ali gave her a quick kiss. "Be good. Don't let your brother get you into any more trouble."

"I won't. I love you. I miss you already." Ashlyn whined. 

"Soon, Baby. Soon we'll be together forever." Ali pushed Ashlyn out the door and pulled her back for one last kiss. "Get out of here before someone sees!" 

Ashlyn shuffled slowly away and turned back every few feet to wave sadly at her fiancé. Ali couldn't bear to close the door until Ash was out of sight. 

"That girl is whipped." Kyle said. He startled his sister. Ali jumped and found him peaking through a nearby window. 

"You scared me!" Ali exclaimed. "And she's not whipped. She's sweet." 

"Whatever you say, baby sister. That girl would do anything for you." 

"Yeah, so? I would do anything for her. I guess we're both whipped." Ali answered.

"Sounds about right to me." Kyle agreed. 

"Listen, don't tell anyone she was here. People will say it's bad luck."

"You know what's bad luck?" Kyle asked. 

"What?" Ali replied.

"You not inviting me to the big party last night." Kyle said.

"What big party?" Ali was genuinely confused by the allegation.

"Whatever party got your fiancé looking like she got ran over by a truck. Did you sneak out and then sneak her in? Did she stay over last night so that the two of you could have one more sex-filled night as single people? Is that why she was here?" 

"No, Ashlyn hung out with Chris last night. I got to bed early and she went out and got drunk." Ali explained. She was starting to wonder why she chose to hang out with her Mom the night before. "Why didn't you and I go out and have some fun? We wouldn't have needed to drink, we could've just hung out." 

"We did hang out. We watched Toy Story with our parents." Kyle laughed.

"Are we lame or what?"

"Well, judging by Ashlyn's bloodshot eyes, I think even she would agree that we had the better time last night." Kyle made a very good point.

"Hmm...you're right." 

"Let's go get you ready to get married!" Kyle picked his sister up in a bear hug and gave her a good shake. "As your best man, it's my job to make sure you look hot for your bride!" 

"Then let's get this show on the road!" 

...

Ali knew that Ashlyn would need a reminder of the agenda for the day. She texted her a detailed schedule, including estimated driving times to each location. She wanted to avoid any drama that Ashlyn's free-spirited personality might accidentally cause.

Ashlyn didn't mind the constant texting and reminders one bit. She felt that it kept her connected to the one person she wanted to be with. 

After a day of spending time with her side of the wedding party and getting her hair and makeup done, it was finally time to go to the church. Ali had already been at her family's church for an hour by the time Ashlyn's group got there. Ali's Mom greeted them at the door and showed them to their changing room.

...

After about thirty minutes Ashlyn's group was ready.

Everyone except her brother.

"Christopher, you need to get ready!" Ashlyn scolded. "I'm not gonna let you ruin my wedding. After what you pulled last night I shouldn't even let you be my best man." 

"What did I do?" Chris asked. He was only trying to have some fun with his little sister.

"You make my IQ drop at least ten points every time I listen to your stupid mouth speak." Ashlyn was pissed off at her only sibling. 

"What is your problem?" Chris asked. He was truly offended by his sister's cruelty. "I was just trying to make you feel like a part of a real family. Who else were you going to hang out with last night? Ali and her family? That's pathetic."

"Are you calling me pathetic because I'm marrying someone who's family isn't as fucked up as our's?" Ashlyn said defensively. She loved Ali and her family. Her brother didn't know how much they meant to her. He didn't witness the way they took her in as their own. The way they loved her.

"I'm saying that you're not one of them. You're a Harris. Me and you...remember? That's what's important." Chris said. He and his sister had been through a lot together. Ashlyn didn't think about what her getting married would mean to her brother. He felt abandoned. He felt alone. Ashlyn had chosen someone else to take his place. 

"Are you jealous of Ali? Is that what this is about?" Ashlyn asked. She was trying to put the pieces together. She had never expected this.

"I'm not jealous of anybody. I'm trying to tell you to remember who you really are. Don't fuck this up." Ashlyn's best man left her feeling worse than ever. He left to go change, leaving Ashlyn alone to question everything.

She wondered if she was doing the wrong thing. Maybe she didn't belong with a family like the Kriegers. 

She sent Ali a quick text asking if she could see her. Ali turned her down, saying that they would be together soon. 

Ali didn't realize how much Ashlyn needed her at the moment. If she had heard the exchange between the siblings she would've ran to Ashlyn's side.

Ash was devastated. Her brother knew where to cut with his words to produce the most pain. It wouldn't take long for Chris to regret what he said. Ashlyn was the most important person in his life. His own insecurities had overshadowed his happiness for her. 

Ashlyn tried to blot the tears in her eyes with a tissue before they could mess up her makeup. She thought her and her brother were alone for their conversation but she soon found out that wasn't the case.

"Your brother's an ass." Whitney, Ashlyn's maid of honor, spoke truth. "Don't listen to that crap."

She took the tissue out of Ashlyn's hand and dabbed carefully at the wetness around her eyes. 

"Ashlyn, I know what you're thinking. You need to stop. This is going to be one of the best days of your life. You deserve to be happy. Ali makes you happy and YOU make her happy. If Chris can't understand that, then that's his problem." Whitney dried the last of Ashlyn's tears and kissed her cheek.

"My makeup is messed up. What am I going to do?" Ashlyn said looking at herself in the mirror. She was ready to cry all over again.

"You're going to calm down and let me fix it." Whitney reassured her that everything would be fine. 

Ashlyn took deep breaths and tried to focus on her beautiful bride waiting for her.


	147. Vows & Forever (Part Three)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This contains a prompt request. There will be one more chapter of this prompt. I hope you like it.

FLASHBACK

Ali heard a knock on the door. She had a good idea who it was. She had called Tobin, asking her to stop by her room.

"Come in." Ali called out. She was sipping on a glass of lemonade with her Mom, Dad, brother, and two bridesmaids. She didn't seemed stressed out at all. Tobin was a little surprised by that. Her friend usually over stressed about everything.

"Hey." Tobin greeted the group.

Ali set down her lemonade and approached her friend. "How's Ash doing?" She asked. The fact that she was spending some sweet time with her family in these final moments before the ceremony was not lost on her. 

"I think she's ok. Her brother stressed her out a little, I guess." Tobin answered.

"What happened?" Ali asked with great concern.

"I overheard Whit tell her not to listen to him. I honestly have no idea what he said. He kinda waited until the last minute to get dressed but other than that, I have no idea." Tobin wasn't a nosey person. Ali wished that she was.

"Is she ok?" 

"I guess." Tobin shrugged.

"Tobin, I need you to be more specific. How was she the last time you saw her?" Ali grabbed Tobin by the shoulders.

"Um, Whit was doing her makeup. She seemed ok though. She wasn't saying much." Tobin replied. Now she wished she would have paid a little more attention to her friend.

Ali exhaled loudly. "Ok..." She went to a bag in the corner and pulled out a neatly wrapped box. "Can you give this to her? She should open it before the ceremony." Ali handed the gift to Tobin.

"You got it, boss." Tobin replied. She started to head out the door when she heard Ali's voice.

"Hold on a minute." Ali picked up the heavy bottom of her dress and rushed to Tobin. "Give her this and tell her I love her." Ali handed Tobin a chocolate kiss. 

Tobin laughed at the small gesture but knew her friend would absolutely love it. 

Ali's thoughtfulness would be exactly what Ashlyn needed.

...

"Ashlyn, hold still." Whitney said as she put her hand on top of her friend's head to keep it in place. "I'm trying to fix your makeup and you keep moving."

While Whit was helping Ash get ready, Chris returned to the small room and sat in one of the corners to stay out of his sister's way. It was obvious he felt bad about what he had said to her. 

Whitney gave him a judgmental glare and promptly returned her attention to Ashlyn. Whit was a long time friend and close to Ashlyn's brother and grandparents. Chris was like a brother to her, so he was used to her treating him like one. He had seen the 'disapproving sister' look from her before. It usually followed when she witnessed him doing something stupid. That was the case this time.

Chris stood up and walked toward his sister. He stood awkwardly behind her until he summoned the courage to speak. "Can I talk to Ash alone for a minute?"

Whitney gave Ash a look as if to ask if it would be ok for her to leave. Ashlyn nodded and affirmed that she would listen to him. Whit left to wait outside the door and let the siblings work out their differences.

"So, uh...I'm sorry." Chris said. He was still standing behind Ashlyn. It was easier for him to apologize without seeing her face. "I messed up, Ash. I'm really happy for you. All I ever wanted was for you to be ok, and to somehow find a way to live a happy and normal life. I guess I focused so much on me and you, and trying to make sure we took care of each other, that I lost sight of the fact that you've found what you needed without me."

Ashlyn's makeup would need to be redone again. Ashlyn turned around and had tears welling up in her eyes. Chris was right. Ashlyn had found happiness without him. She had grown up. She was the first to move on, and that was something that neither of them were prepared for.

"I still need you, Bubba." Ashlyn hugged her brother's waist and let her head rest on his chest. He quickly wrapped her up in a strong embrace.

"I'm sorry, Ash. I am happy for you. I'm so proud of you for overcoming everything and becoming the awesome person that you are." Chris said. He was a big and tough guy, but his sister was his soft spot. He couldn't hide the fact that his eyes were more moist than usual, too.

"Thanks." Ash replied. She pushed him away and scolded him. "You messed up my makeup twice today!" Thankfully this time her tears were from a place of sentiment and happiness.

...

Tobin had returned from her special errand that Ali had sent her on. She announced her presence in true Tobin fashion. 

"Yo." Tobin greeted her friends. Whitney was back at it fixing Ashlyn's eye makeup.

"What ya got there, Tobs?" Ash asked. She saw the beautifully wrapped gift in her friend's hand and assumed it was a gift for her from Tobin.

"It's from your woman." Tobin replied. "But first she wanted me to give you a kiss." 

"What?" Ashlyn was not into kissing Tobin.

"Dude, chill." Tobin answered and handed the chocolate kiss to her friend. "She said she loves you." 

"Aw...thanks." Ash took the kiss and stared at it for a moment. Ali's small, and oftentimes big, gestures of thoughtful kindness always meant the world to Ashlyn.

"She also gave me this to give to you." Tobin said and handed Ash the gift.

"Oh crap!" Ashlyn shouted. She jumped up out of the chair she was occupying and ran to her bag. She pulled out an unwrapped box and handed it to Tobin. "This is for her. I completely forgot." 

"Did you forget to wrap it?" Whitney asked. She knew her friend hated wrapping.

"No, it's an inside joke. Ali will get it." Ashlyn answered.

"Ash, it's not an inside joke. You suck at wrapping." Whitney said. Both Chris and Tobin nodded in agreement. 

"Whatever. Tobs, can you give this to her?" Ashlyn asked. "Oh yeah, and can you tell her thanks for the kiss and that I can't wait for the real thing!" Ash smiled. She thought she was pretty smooth. Right before Tobin got to the door Ash yelled one more message for her to relay. "Tell her I love her!"

"Barf." Chris said and rolled his eyes.

"Be nice, Sweetheart." Ashlyn's grandma said. Her and her husband had walked in just as Tobin was leaving. 

"Hey guys!" Ashlyn stood to greet the elderly couple that took her and her brother in. Chris and Whitney both joined her. 

Ashlyn's grandparents were made up of everything good in the Harris family. Ashlyn and Chris referred to them as Harris Royalty. They were the king and queen of the family. In their opinion, everything of worth in their lives in both character and success came from them.

"My sweet Ashlyn, you look beautiful." Grandma Harris said. She gave her girl a kiss on the cheek and a warm hug. "We are both so proud of you." 

Ashlyn's grandfather was usually the quieter of the two. He nodded his head in agreement to his wife's true statement. The grandchildren were used to him nodding along and keeping quiet. They had grown up witnessing him do this often. 

However, on this special occasion he surprised them.

"Ashlyn, I wanted to talk to you before you got too busy." He said.

"I could never be too busy to talk to you, Grandpa." Ashlyn said honestly. Her face was lit up with expectation of what could be important enough for a usually quiet old man to speak up. 

Ashlyn's grandmother knew what was coming. She decided to clear the room and give Ash and her grandfather some privacy. 

Once it was just the two of them, Ashlyn's Grandpa cleared his throat and said, "You're my girl. I love you with all my heart. And I want you to know that I'm proud of you. You've grown up into a beautiful young woman, who is willing to fight for what is right. Ali is blessed to get to marry you." 

"Grandpa!" Ashlyn hugged the old man and let him hold her like he used to when she was a little girl. 

She always felt safe with him. She remembered the many times that her grandparents would visit her when she was in foster care. She remembered the times when she was afraid. 

It wasn't the abusive people around her that scared her the most. What scared her more than anything else, was the fear that one day her grandparents wouldn't show up. Ashlyn always worried that they would stop caring. That they would stop fighting for her.

So when she would see them pull up in their old Buick, she was reassured that someone in the world really did love her. When she would feel the arms of her grandfather shelter her from the rest of the world, she knew that one day she would be free.

Here she is, once again in the elderly man's arms, feeling the safety and unconditional love that she had only known from him and her grandmother...until she met Ali.

...

Ali heard a quiet knock. This time she didn't know who it was. She wasn't expecting any more visitors. It was almost time for the ceremony. This time it was Kyle who answered the door for her.

"Hey." Tobin said. "Ash asked me to give this to your sister." 

"Did you come with this place? Are you the official delivery service of the church?" Kyle joked.

"Yeah, I guess." Tobin laughed along with him. She walked toward Ashlyn's beautiful bride and handed her the unwrapped gift. "She told me to give you this and that she can't wait for a real kiss....oh, and that she loves you." 

Ali laughed as soon as she saw the gift wasn't wrapped. She shook her head at her soon-to-be wife. "She hates wrapping gifts." Ali explained. "She always says it looks better before, than after." Ali sighed. "I love that woman." 

Ali opened up the box and gasped. She started to tear up as soon as she saw the contents. She opened the card attached and it said, "This is the start of something beautiful."

...

On the other side of the church, Ashlyn had been told to take her place inside the sanctuary. It was time to begin. Ashlyn hurried to grab her suit jacket and saw the gift from her fiancé. She sent everyone ahead of her. She needed to see what Ali had gotten her. 

She opened it and laughed. She read the inscription that said, "Two hearts, one forever."

Ash stuffed the gift in her bag and ran to take her spot. She couldn't wait to see her bride walk down the aisle and into the rest of her life.


	148. Vows & Forever (Part Four)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final chapter regarding the wedding. 
> 
> It's set up a little differently than a normal FLASHBACK chapter. 
> 
> It goes from PRESENT DAY to FLASHBACK. Each section is labeled to avoid too much confusion. I hope it turned out ok.

PRESENT DAY

"Mommy, it's almost time!" Lexi said excitedly. She was dressed in a white flowing sundress, just like Ali. The young girl and her mother were in Ashlyn and Ali's room getting ready for the special event.

"We have a few minutes still." Ali answered her enthusiastic daughter. "Besides, I'll let you in on a little secret." Ali looked at her daughter's reflection in the mirror and said, "We are worth waiting for." She snapped her fingers and Lexi nodded in agreement. 

Ten minutes later, Ali and Lexi heard a knock on the door and the sound of Jacob's voice behind it.

"Come on in, Sweetheart." Ali called from her spot in front of the mirror. 

"Mama, wants to know how much longer." Jake asked. He was dressed in jeans, a button up shirt, and a suit vest. 

"You tell your Mama, it takes as long as it takes." Ali replied.

"Uhh, ok." Jake knew that wasn't the kind of answer he was sent to get. He wondered if he should be more persistent in getting an answer. While he was considering his options he felt a tug on his hand. Lexi wanted his attention.

"Do I look pretty, Jake?" The little girl asked.

Jake smiled at his sister. He knew that she wanted his approval. It made him feel special. "Yeah, you look really pretty Lex. You're as pretty as Mom." 

Lexi's face lit up. The entire time she and Ali had been getting ready she would sneak peaks at what Ali was doing and tried to copy it. When Ali heard her son's compliment she couldn't help but smile. That boy was a charmer. Just like his Mama.

Jacob suddenly remembered his mission and turned his attention back to Ali. "Mom, what should I tell Mama?"

"Just tell her to relax. We'll get there, when we get there." Ali answered. She didn't realize the stress she was causing her oldest son.

"I'm supposed to keep you guys on schedule. I'm the best man." Jacob took his duties very seriously.

"Is that what your Mama told you?"

"Yeah, I don't know why she chose me, but she did." Jacob misunderstood what Ali said. He thought that she questioned whether or not he should have been given that title. What she really questioned was the importance of staying on schedule.

"Sweetheart, she chose you to be the best man, because you ARE the best man. You deserve it. She loves you and thinks a lot of you." Ali cleared thing up.

"What about Sam? Those two are best friends." Jacob asked.

"Sam and her are buddies. That's for sure. But you have a special bond with her, too." Ali explained.

"Me, too!" Lexi said. 

"That's right." Ali confirmed. "Mama loves all three of you to the absolute max possible amount to love a person." Ali said. "So don't be surprised when she gives you a special honor. Like being her best man." 

"Ok." Jake gladly accepted Ali's explanation. "Umm, so...when should I tell Mama you'll be ready?" Jacob stayed focused on the task at hand. He was the best man. He wasn't going to let Ashlyn down.

Ali shook her head at her sweet boy and said, "Tell her five minutes."

"Ok, thanks." Jake answered quickly and rushed out of the room to tell Ashlyn.

"Boys!" Lexi huffed. Her brothers just didn't understand the importance of looking your best.

"Yeah. Boys." Ali agreed. 

...

FLASHBACK

Ashlyn stood at the front of the church waiting for her bride to come. She stood with her hands behind her back. At the rehearsal they had practiced keeping their hands in front, but at the moment she was trying to hide the fact that she was shaking. She wasn't nervous, she was excited. Marrying Ali was the easiest decision she ever made.

Ash scanned the group lined up next to her and knew that everything was perfect. Her best man and brother, Chris stood next to her. Her maid of honor Whit, stood next to him, and Ashlyn's faithful and long-time friend, Tobin completed the trio. She glanced at the front row and saw her grandparents looking up at her. She saw what could only be described as pure joy on their faces. 

The reverend stood next to her at the front of the church and checked his watch. Ali was late. Things were supposed to get started five minutes ago. The Krieger family had faithfully been a part of that congregation for years. He was familiar with Ali and Ashlyn. He leaned in close to Ashlyn and whispered, "Get used to waiting."

They both shared a laugh together. Ashlyn quietly replied, "I'd wait forever for her."

...

PRESENT DAY

"Alex, we've been waiting forever for you!" Ashlyn complained as she approached Ali and took her hand.

"Oh, relax." Ali said and kissed her wife's cheek. "Your best man is stressed out enough for both of you. Apparently, someone told him one of his duties was to rush my beautification process."

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Ashlyn denied the accusations. Even though they were true.

"Yeah, sure." Ali replied. She put one arm around Ashlyn's waist and settled in for a while. 

Ashlyn put her arm around her wife's shoulders and pulled her in close. "Can you believe we've been married for five years?" Ash was astonished that it had been that long. It flew by in the blink of an eye.

"Five years and we have a fourteen year old, a six year old, and a four year old." Ali was just as amazed as Ashlyn at where their life had taken them. 

"We've been busy." Ashlyn laughed.

"Speaking of getting busy..." Ali said, thinking out loud. This got Ashlyn excited. Ali saw the look on her wife's face and cleared things up right away. "Not like that. We need to get busy and mingle with our guests.... That's what I meant."

"You're such a tease." Ashlyn said through a frustrated sigh.

To which Ali replied, "Come on, Baby. Let's get this five year anniversary party started!" 

...

FLASHBACK

"Ready, Princess?" Ali's Dad asked. He stood next to his daughter outside the door to the sanctuary. Everyone was waiting for Ali to make her grand entrance.

Ali took her father's arm and held tight. This was it. This was the moment she had been waiting for. 

And she was more than ready.

"I'm ready, Daddy." Ali said. She took a deep breath and watched as the last of her bridesmaids walked down the aisle. 

All eyes were on Ali, but Ali's focus was fixed on Ashlyn. Her soon to be wife looked dapper in her fitted tuxedo. But no outfit compared to the look of awe and complete happiness on Ashlyn's face. Ash looked absolutely smitten.

Ashlyn's bride looked like the angel she thought she saw the day they first met. Ali glowed from the inside out. She radiated beauty and perfection. At least that's what Ashlyn saw. 

Ali's Dad walked her down the aisle and gave her away with a kiss on the cheek. Ali took her spot next to her brother, Kyle, and got lost in Ashlyn's gaze. The two of them might as well have been the only ones in the church that day. All they could see was each other.

The pastor instructed them to hold hands and get ready to say their vows. Ali's mother and Ashlyn's Grandma lit the unity candle with two separate flames to represent Ashlyn and Ali's lives coming together as one. During this time a harpist played a romantic melody and Ash and Ali had a private moment to themselves. 

"You look beautiful." Ashlyn whispered to her bride.

"So do you." Ali replied.

"Oh, and by the way, nice gift." Ashlyn smiled.

"I guess great minds think alike." Ali softly laughed. 

"I guess so....So, are ya nervous?" Ash wiggled her eyebrows up an down.

"No. Nothing feels more right to me than marrying you." Ali answered.

"Good answer." 

The two brides heard the minister clear his throat. Both of their eyes grew big with embarrassment. They had unintentionally blocked everyone out and missed their cue from the pastor to speak. They were in their own little world.

...

PRESENT DAY

The Krieger-Harris backyard was decorated with strands of hanging lanterns and hundreds of white Christmas lights. They were waiting for the perfect time to renew their vows as a family. Ali had the intimate party catered by her mother. According to Ali, no one can cook as good as her. 

Ali's mother and brother had made the trip to celebrate with the family. Ash flew in her Grandma and invited her brother, but he couldn't make it. The parents let their children invite one friend to join them to make sure they enjoyed the day, too.

Jake invited Rachel, Lexi invited a friend from her dance class, and Samuel invited his friend from school, Joey. Jacob was hoping to use the romantic setting to make a move on his good friend, that he wished was more than just a friend.

"Hey Rach, come outside with me for a minute." Jacob said. The rest of the group was talking and laughing in the living room, while the kids played in the treehouse with their Grandpa. 

Ali's Dad noticed his grandson and friend leave the house. He watched through the window of the treehouse as Jacob got more and more nervous by the second. The two teenagers stood underneath the lights in awkward silence.

"So, umm...It's nice out here, huh?" Jake said.

"Yeah." Rachel agreed. The girl was nervous too, but she was a better talker than her friend. "It's cool that your parents are doing this. They seem to still be in love."

"Yeah, sometimes I think they're TOO in love. But I guess that's better than the alternative."

"True. A lot of my friends' parents have gotten divorced. It sucks for them." Rachel replied.

"I hope that never happens to my family." Jacob said. He took after Ali and worried about everything possible regarding those closest to him.

Rachel gripped his arm and pointed him towards the glass doors leading into the living room. She pointed at his parents. Ali was sitting in Ashlyn's lap with one arm wrapped around her shoulders. Ashlyn had both of her arms around Ali's waist. Ali was leaning on Ashlyn. The two couldn't have been any closer to each other. 

"I don't think you have anything to worry about." Rachel joked. 

"Yeah, I guess not." Jacob said with a smile. "Listen, as you can see I've got great examples of um..." Jake was losing his nerve. "I mean, I...I've learned a lot from my parents about treating a girl right and stuff." Jake was suddenly aware of how sweaty his hands were. 

Ali's Dad watched from above and willed courage to the teenage boy. He remembered how hard it was for him to talk to girls when he was Jake's age. His eavesdropping was interrupted by his granddaughter. Lexi placed a tiara on his head and sat in his lap while she had a tea party with her friend. 

Back on the ground, Jake was trying to steady his heart rate. "I was...uh...wondering if you wanted to be my girlfriend." He finally said it.

"Geeze, I don't know." Rachel answered. She turned her face away from the boy and tried to figure out what to say next.

Jacob thought the worst. He had just ruined things with his best friend. Nothing would ever be the same again.

Rachel turned back toward him and finally finished her answer, "What took you so long?" She couldn't hide the smile on her face. 

"Is that a yes?" Jake wanted to be absolutely certain.

"Yeah, dummy."

"Awesome." Jacob replied. "So, um...can I kiss you now?" 

"I guess." Rachel answered.

"Well, don't sound too excited, or anything." Jake complained jokingly. 

Rachel put her arms around her boyfriend's neck and kissed his lips. It was a quick peck, but for the teenagers it felt like a lot more. Jake stepped back one step and said, "Woah!"

"Yeah. Woah." Rachel agreed.

"That was awesome!" Jake exclaimed. He straightened up his vest and said, "You wanna hold hands?"

"Heck, yeah!" Rachel answered.

Grandpa Krieger nodded in silent pride of his grandson's smooth moves. 

...

FLASHBACK

"And now it's time for the vows." The minister said. "Alexandra and Ashlyn have chosen to recite their own." The man nodded toward Ashlyn. 

She turned to her brother and took the ring he was holding for her. She placed it on Ali's finger and said, "Alexandra," Ash smiled at the mention of Ali's full name. "This ring is a symbol of my endless love for you." Ashlyn cleared her throat and stifled a laugh. The speech she had memorized sounded too rehearsed. She opted to speak from the heart instead. "So, um...I..uh had this big speech planned. I spent a week memorizing it, but..." Ashlyn paused. Ashlyn was suddenly feeling anxious due to the overload of emotions. How could she ever put into words how much she loved Ali? It was an impossible task.

Ali cupped Ashlyn's cheek with her hand and whispered, so that only she could hear, "It's ok." Ali offered a smile of support and waited for her bride to find her words.

"Alex, you're my calm in the storm. You're my light in the darkness. You're my forever. And I will love you forever." Ashlyn took a reassuring breath. "That's it. I think that covers it." 

Ali couldn't help but laugh at her 'very soon to be' wife's sense of humor in a time like this. Ali cleared her throat and took a deep breath to get ready to say her own vows to Ashlyn. 

Ashlyn interrupted her by adding, "Oh yeah, sorry. One more thing....Ali, I promise to never forget that you're the greatest thing that's ever happened to me." 

Ali blushed. She felt the same way about Ashlyn. She opened her mouth to speak and heard the sound of her beloved's voice again. "I should probably say one more thing." Ashlyn turned to the pastor to make sure it was ok. The entire church bursted in laughter. Ash suddenly felt embarrassed. Both Ali and the minister could see her change of heart. 

The pastor quietly reminded her that this was her and Ali's moment. She was free to say whatever she wanted. Ali squeezed Ashlyn's hand and asked, "What did you want to say, Baby?"

"Um..." Ashlyn looked down at the floor awkwardly. Ali gave her hand a light tug to get her to look at her. Ali, once again, gave her an encouraging smile. Ashlyn smiled back. The two had found their intimate private space once more. Everyone else faded into the background. Ashlyn added to her vows one last time, "Alex, I promise to work hard to make sure that my heart stays open to you, and always do my best to keep your heart safe." 

Ali started to tear up. It was Ashlyn's turn to be the strong and supportive one. She dried Ali's eyes with a gentle brush of her thumb and bent down and kissed her lips. At that moment she realized she had messed up again. She wasn't supposed to kiss the bride until the minister told her too. At this point she didn't care. As long as Ali was happy, she was happy. And boy, did Ali look happy!

The pastor had lost control of the ceremony a long time ago. Now that Ash was done with the hard part of trying to be vulnerable in front of everyone about Ali, she was filled with her usual confidence. After the kiss she winked at the pastor and and turned back to Ali and said, "Your turn now."

Ali used her left hand, that now felt a little heavier from the added weight of her wedding ring, to cover her mouth. She was trying not to laugh too loud. Her chuckle was known to carry through the largest of rooms.

"Apparently, it's my turn now." Ali said to the crowd of family and friends. The group of loved ones would never experience a wedding so filled with joy as the one they were witnessing at the moment. 

Ali brought her and Ash's intertwined hands to her lips and kissed the back of Ashlyn's hand, while keeping eye contact with her bride. It was time to get serious again.

Ali was ready to share her heart in front of everyone about her love for the woman standing in front of her. 

"Ash, you are the strongest person that I know. You're a riddle. How can someone be so strong and also tender and kind? You are a mystery that I will spend my life trying to figure out. I promise that I will choose to see the good, when times are hard. I promise that I will always be your number one fan. I will support you and encourage you. I will show you how amazing you are, even when you think I'm wrong." Ali showed her million dollar smile and finished by saying, "I will love you with every breath that I have. This is my promise."

"Wow, that was good." Ash whispered. 

The two women were smiling like idiots.

...

PRESENT DAY

The sun was setting and the lights in the backyard began to shine brighter against the backdrop of the dark sky. 

It was time for the main event. 

Everyone gathered outside. This time Ali's Dad was asked to take the place of the minister. He basically had three or four lines that he had to remember. 

Because Ali and Ashlyn were in very different situations than when they were first married, they decided to do what made the most sense for their family. They stood underneath the oak tree that held their children's treehouse and was wrapped with strands of white lights. Ash held onto Ali's hand and addressed the crowd.

"Ali and I wanted to say our vows as a family, so we want to have our kids stand with us this time around." Ash said. Ali motioned for them to come join them. 

Jake and Lexi came right away, but Sam was nowhere to be found. Ash scanned the yard for the other half of Team Awesome. It only took a few moments for her to hear the four year old's muffled giggling. She turned around and looked upward. Her son was waving at her from the window of the treehouse. She walked to the steps leading up to the treehouse and her son walked halfway down and then jumped on her back. Ashlyn decided to go with it. Samuel hanging off of her was pretty normal for their family. It actually made sense for them to say their vows this way.

With Samuel holding onto her neck, piggy back style, Ash took her wife's hand again, as well as the hand of her oldest son. Ali held on to Lexi's little hand and the family was finally ready to start the short ceremony.

Ali's Dad stood in front of the family and said his first lines. "Welcome. It's time for the vows. Ali, go." He was glad his girls wanted to keep things simple. 

"Ashlyn, I vow to you and our beautiful and handsome children to love all four of you with everything that I have. You have all made me the happiest person in the world. Thank you Ashlyn, for giving me all of this. I promise to continue to grow in my love for you and our family."

Ali gave her Dad a look to signal that it was time for his next line. Ken nodded, accepting the cue. "Your turn, Ash."

Ash let go of Jake's hand and held her palm up and said, "Best man, the paper please."

Jake dug through all of his pockets before finding it in the small pocket in his vest. "Oops, sorry. Here." He handed the crumpled up paper to his Mama.

"Thank you, son." Ash said. She turned her attention back to her wife. "I didn't get a chance to say these vows on our wedding day. I got too nervous. I think you're ready to hear them now."

"Are you kidding me?" Ali interjected. She never expected her wife to hold on to her old vows. The ones she said were already perfect.

"Whenever I get mad at you I read over them to remember why I married you." Ashlyn said. She smiled at the small gathering around them and joked. "I have to read them a lot!" 

"Stop!" Ali said in good humor.

"I'm kidding, of course. I held on to this paper because I spent a really long time writing this. You deserve to finally hear it." Ash explained

"Alexandra..." Ash grabbed Ali's hand and pointed to the ring Ali had been wearing for the past five years. "...this ring is a symbol of my endless love for you." She removed the band from Ali's finger. "It's solid and pure gold. It's a circle with no real beginning or end. It just keeps going." Ash spun the ring on the end of her finger a few times to illustrate her point. 

"My love for you is solid. It will stand firm for you through the hardest of times." Ashlyn paused to really feel what she had just said. So far, in these last five years, the couple had faced many difficulties, and Ashlyn's love never faltered. "I will love you with a pure love. One that seeks for your good above my own."

Ali nodded in agreement with every statement her wife spoke. It was all true. 

"I don't remember the moment I first started loving you. And I will never know the end. I was created to love you forever, and I vow to you this day that I will do just that."

...

FLASHBACK

"I now pronounce you wife and wife. You may now kiss your bride." The pastor announced. 

This time there was no mistake. Ashlyn wasn't going to miss her cue this time around. She took her new wife and put an arm completely around her waist and dipped her into a passionate kiss. She pulled her back up so that they were both standing, and kissed her again. 

"Ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce you for the first time to Mrs. and Mrs. Krieger-Harris!"

...

PRESENT DAY

"You can kiss each other now." Ali's Dad announced. 

"Mama!" Sam said excitedly from Ashlyn's back. 

"What's up, Bam?" Ash asked.

"Can I say stuff, too?" Sam asked.

Ash looked at her wife for an answer and Ali shrugged that it was fine. 

"Go for it, dude." Ash answered.

Sam wiggled as a signal that he wanted Ash to put him down. He stood in front of his family, looking like a little preacher ready to give a Sunday sermon. 

He put his hands on his hips and cleared his throat. He wanted to sound official. "My family is..." Sam put a finger on his chin to illustrate that he was about to say something brilliant. "My family is AWESOME. The end." 

Sam retreated back to the arms of Ashlyn and everyone applauded his wise words. Lexi, as usual, rolled her eyes at her little brother.

DJ Best Man, aka Jake, was in charge of the stereo. Jacob played music that was fun to dance to. The intimate group had a great time celebrating the love of Ashlyn and Ali. 

After the party and after everything was cleaned up, the kids and Grandma Harris went to bed. Ash and Ali finally had some time alone to simply enjoy one another's company.

"Baby, thank you for everything. And I don't just mean tonight." Ali said. 

Ashlyn was at their bathroom sink brushing her teeth. Ali came from behind her and pressed her front against Ashlyn's back. She wrapped both arms around her and rested her head against Ashlyn.

"You're welcome. Thanks to you, too." Ash said with her mouth filled with foamy spit from her toothpaste. 

Ash finished brushing her teeth with her wife embracing her. Once she was satisfied with the cleanliness of her mouth she turned around in her wife's arms.

"I finished your present." Ash announced.

"You got me a present?" Ali asked.

"Oh please, don't act surprised. Plus I know you got something for me, too." Ash answered.

Ali could never deny that her wife knew her well. "You wanna exchange gifts now?"

"Sure." Ashlyn replied.

Both women separated for a moment. Ali went to her underwear drawer and pulled out an unwrapped box. Ashlyn grabbed a wrapped box from the closet.

"You wrapped it!" Ali said excitedly. She was impressed. It wasn't the greatest wrapping job she had ever seen, but it was pretty good for Ashlyn. 

"You didn't." Ash commented. She was surprised. Who is this woman in front of her?

"I was going throwback from our wedding." Ali said. 

"Awesome." Ash replied. "I wrapped it to try and improve my game from our wedding." 

"I love your gifts, either way." Ali promised.

"I hope you feel the same way after you open this masterpiece of a wrapping job." Ashlyn said. She handed the gift to her wife. 

Both women sat on their bed and held their gift. 

"Ready?" Ali asked. Ashlyn nodded her head. "Let's open." 

Ashlyn removed the tape that held the box closed and pulled out the gift. She couldn't help but laugh.

Ali carefully unwrapped her gift. She wanted to save the paper for later. When she saw what her wife had given her she joined in on the laughter.

Ali held in her hands the very same gift that she had given to Ashlyn five years ago. It was a family themed scrapbook. Ali had given it to her wife with the promise that together they would make new happy memories. They would build the family Ashlyn had never had and had always wanted.

Ali flipped through the pages. They were empty when Ali first gave the book to her. The pages were symbolic of a promise for a happy future for Ashlyn. 

However, now they were no longer symbolic empty pages. The pages were filled with joy. Their children's smiles spread throughout. Ali had kept her promise.

Ashlyn held the picture frame she had given to her wife on their wedding day. She explained on that day that the frame was a promise for a happy future. Ashlyn drew a quick sketch of her and Ali and a couple of kids on a piece of paper and placed it in the frame. 

She intended for that picture to be a place holder for a real picture of their family in the future. But Ali had kept the original drawing. It was a drawing that included three children standing next to their parents, and Ali happened to be pregnant in the picture. 

"I forgot I drew you as pregnant." Ash commented. 

"Yeah, well...we don't need to talk about that right now." Ali said. She didn't want to start anything that could change into an argument. Tonight was about love and appreciation.

"You're right. We shouldn't talk about that. Why don't you keep looking through that book." Ash said. She opened up the scrapbook and the two women reminisced about the different moments that were captured. 

Page after page was filled with overflowing joy. They felt like they were maxed out on happiness. After they had turned through most of the book, Ashlyn switched her attention to her wife's face. 

Ali turned the page and laughed. She pointed out a few things. 

Ashlyn waited.

Ali turned to another page. She rambled on about Samuel's supernatural ability to get into trouble. She laughed her way to the next page.

Ashlyn waited.

Ali's laughter stopped. She was confused. "What is this, Ash?"

Ashlyn had separated the scrapbook into sections. Her and Ali were in the front and then there was a section for Jake, then Lexi, and then Samuel. But Ashlyn had included one more section, entitled 'baby.'

"That's for our next kid." Ash answered.

"What do you mean?" Ali asked.

Ashlyn picked up the picture her wife had re-gifted to her and pointed at the part of the drawing that had Ali's pregnant belly.

"Baby, are you serious?" Ali couldn't believe what her wife was saying.

"I'd be crazy not to want to have as many kids with you as possible." Ash explained. "We still need to talk about when, but I want you to have a baby."

Ali tackled her wife. Ashlyn was more than she could've ever dreamed of for a wife. 

Both women went to bed counting their blessing and knowing that there were many more to come.


	149. A Home Away From Home

“Als, how many brownies do you think I can fit into my mouth?” Ashlyn asked. Ali had made a batch of her famous caramel brownies and Ashlyn felt inspired.

“One. Maybe two...but that’s it. I made these for the whole family. And a plate of brownies is NOT on your diet.” Ali answered.

“What if I don’t cut the brownies and it’s just one big piece. That would be alright, right?” Ashlyn really loved her wife’s caramel brownies.

“No.” Ali answered. She cut a normal sized piece and handed it to her wife. Ashlyn didn’t mourn for long, she crammed the entire thing in her mouth and gave her wife a chocolatey kiss of thanks on the cheek.

Ali set two more brownies to the side and wrapped them up in foil to give to her wife later. She knew there was a high probability that their children would finish the rest in no time. The dessert wasn’t only Ashlyn’s favorite, it was loved by the whole Krieger-Harris crew. Ali was confident that her wife would appreciate the small gesture.

"Babe, what time is Jake's appointment?" Ash asked with a mouthful of chocolate heaven. She washed it down with milk from right out of the bottle.

Ali promptly placed a glass on the counter and took the milk from Ashlyn's hands. She filled the cup, handed it to her, and said "We need to leave in twenty minutes."

Ashlyn washed the rest of the brownie down and said, "Maybe Sam and I should meet you guys for lunch."

"I don't know..." Ali answered. She was apprehensive about putting Jacob in a situation that could expose him to more germs than necessary.

"The kid's gotta be bored to death. It might be nice for him to get out." Ashlyn explained.

"Maybe. I'll ask the doctor."

"Sounds like a plan." Ash answered. 

Once Ali turned her back to put the milk away, Ashlyn snuck another brownie and made a run for it.

...

Ashlyn received a phone call from Ali as she pulled into Samuel's school parking lot. Ali and Jacob would not be meeting them for lunch. The doctor recommended that Jacob be hospitalized.

Ashlyn dropped Samuel off at Ali's Dad's house and met her wife and oldest son at the hospital. She tried to remember the directions Ali had given her about which elevators to take, which way to turn, and what hallway his room was at the end of. 

Her thoughts were fuzzy and mixed up. She swore Ali said to turn right from the elevator but she questioned herself and went left, instead. Thankfully there was a kind nurse in the hall that helped her find her way.

Ashlyn knocked on the door to announce her presence and put on a brave face. Ali didn't have time to explain why the doctor felt he needed medical attention, so Ashlyn was a nervous wreck. But she didn't want her son to know that.

What Ashlyn walked in on wasn't at all what she expected to see. Ali and Jacob were smiling and joking. Jake was sitting up in a hospital bed with the moveable tray table over his lap. Ali sat on the side of the bed facing him and playing cards. Jacob looked perfectly healthy.

"What's going on?" Ashlyn blurted out. She would've liked to have been more subtle but she was thoroughly surprised.

"Jacob's oxygen levels are a little low. The doctor wanted him to be closely watched." Ali explained. 

She got up and kissed her son's forehead and announced that she was going to show Ashlyn the coffee vending machine in the hall. Ali took her wife's hand and led her outside their son's room.

"His doctor said that his cancer, plus the chemo and meds, are weakening his ability to fight off infection." Ali said. "He's surprised that he has lasted this long outside of he hospital. He said that this is to be expected." Ali tried to sound positive. She knew her wife would take the news hard.

"What does that mean? How long does he have to stay here?" Ash asked anxiously.

"He'll be here for a while." Ali answered honestly. "But it's something that's normal for any kid battling something like this."

"When can he come home?" Ash asked. She was scared of what her wife's answer would be.

"When he's well enough to come home." Ali replied. There wasn't an easy answer. The doctor told Ali that during the first stage of treatment the average child spends 3-4 weeks in the hospital. She wasn't sure giving Ashlyn an estimate would be helpful.

"Alex...?" Ashlyn needed to know that her son was going to be ok.

"Ash, we have to hold it together." Ali said in a stern tone. "Jacob has a really positive attitude, and it needs to stay that way. If you can't handle this, we need to do what's best for Jacob." Ali didn't want to hurt Ashlyn, but it had to be said. 

"I get it." Ashlyn said. "I won't let you guys down." 

"Ash, I'm not worried about you letting us down. I'm just giving you permission to let yourself be human and take a break if you need it." Ali sighed. "I know I will need to step away from time to time, too."

Ash nodded in understanding. They were in this together. Ali would cover for Ash when needed, and Ashlyn would do the same for her.

...

A week went by with little change in Jacob's health. He was noticeably weaker after chemo days, but that was nothing new. The women split up their time between staying with Jacob and at home with the other kids. 

To say it was tough, would be an understatement. The women tried to spend the time Sam was at school together at the hospital. But most of the days were spent apart. They wanted to be sensitive to Lexi and Samuel's need for their attention, as well.

After a week of their crazy schedule, Ali couldn't help but notice that her wife seemed to be looking a little thin. Ashlyn is already tall and lanky to begin with, she doesn't have much to lose. When Ali questioned her about it, she said that she always forgets to eat when Ali isn't around. 

"Baby, I totally forgot!" Ali called her wife from the hallway outside of their son's room. "I have some of your favorite brownies stashed away for you." 

Ali figured they would be a little stale, but Ashlyn could warm them up and possibly still enjoy them.

"I thought those were gone." Ash answered. She held her cell phone between her ear and shoulder. She was hurrying to pack a lunch for Lexi and a snack for Sam.

"They're in the pantry behind Jake's protein mix. I hid them so they wouldn't get eaten." Ali explained.

"Awesome. Thanks." Ash said. "Listen Babe, I'll see you soon. I gotta finish getting these guys ready for school." 

"Ok. Love you." Ali said.

"Love you, too." Ash replied and hung up the phone.

Ashlyn finished her lunch and snack packing and helped Lex and Sam with their bags. Since Jake and Ali weren't around they had to make waiting for Lexi's bus a family affair. Ash stood at the end of their driveway with a child's hand in each of her own, and waited for the bus to come. 

Once the bus arrived Lexi got a kiss and hug from both Ash and Sam. Ashlyn then packed up her Jeep with Sam, his school stuff, and everything else Ali had asked her to bring to the hospital. 

After Ash dropped Sam off, she headed straight for the hospital. 

...

"How did you like those brownies?" Ali asked as soon as she saw her wife. Ali was proud of herself for being thoughtful and actually remembering about them.

Ashlyn gave her and their son a hug and kiss and answered, "I gave them to the kids."

"Ash, I put those aside for you." Ali said. She wasn't surprised. Ashlyn was one of the most unselfish people she knew, but she was hoping the brownies would have encouraged her to eat.

"Sorry. I needed snacks for them." Ashlyn replied. Things were more rushed for her in the mornings now and the brownies happened to have been a godsend. 

"We should order you something to eat." Ali said and picked up the hospital menu.

"I'm fine. Don't worry about it." Ashlyn replied. "Besides, hospital food is the worst!" Ash smiled at her poor son who had been eating what little of it he could.

Jacob had to agree. "It is pretty bad, Mom." 

Ali resigned to the fact that she wasn't going to be able to get her wife to take care of herself without having a conversation in private. She knew her wife wasn't doing it on purpose. Ashlyn was focusing on the kids and keeping everything going at home. Her own basic needs were easily overlooked.

"Ash, let's go to the vending machines." Ali said and took her wife by the arm. She turned toward Jake and said, "We'll be right back, Sweetheart."

"Ok." Jake replied. He didn't care. He was in the middle of a game on his phone.

Ali led Ash to the vending machines and asked her to pick out a few things. When Ash shrugged and said she wasn't hungry, Ali took matters into her own hands. She knew her wife well enough to pick out some snacks for her. 

"Baby, I need you to remember to take care of yourself." Ali pushed a few buttons and watched a candy bar fall. "I want you to stay home tonight. I'll stay here again. You need to rest."

"It's my turn to stay the night . I'm fine. You need to go home and sleep in an actual bed." Ash said through a sad laugh. "Besides, the kids need you more than me."

"Ash, that's not true." Ali objected. 

"Als, I don't mean it in a bad way. I'm fine. I just mean that they need you to help get them up on time and cook them edible food." Ash laughed. "Mornings are hard for me. I think I should take the night shift here from now on so that you can be with the kids."

"We can't do that. They need both of us." Ali replied. She shook her head sadly. There was not solution. Things were gonna be hard either way. 

Ali handed Ash one of the candy bars she purchased and put the rest of the junk food in her purse. She took her wife's arm and headed back to Jacob's room. 

"How did you sleep last night?" Ashlyn asked.

"Not great." Ali answered honestly.

"Why don't you go home? I'm here. You can take a nap while Sam is still at school. Heck, you can take another nap with him when he gets home." Ash suggested.

"But I want to be with you." Ali complained. 

"Yeah, I know how you feel." Ash agreed.

"Can I take a nap here and lean against you?" Ali asked. She looked like a sad puppy.

"We might be able to work something out." Ash replied.

...

They did work it out. Ash pulled a chair up close to her son and let her wife sit in her lap. Ali rested her head on Ash's shoulder and fell asleep. Ashlyn held Ali and let her sleep until it was time to leave to pick up Samuel.

Ali thought she was the one taking care of Ashlyn, but it ended up being the other way around. Ashlyn provided a home away from home in the safety of her arms.

These were the small intimate moments of strength that would get the family through the difficult days ahead.


	150. Looking Up (Part One)

Ali and her Dad each had a child in their arms as they walked through the sterile and somewhat scary halls of the hospital. Lexi held tightly to her Grandfather as Ali led the way with Samuel quietly and curiously peeking into the rooms they passed by. Both children were freaked out. 

It was Lexi and Samuel's first visit to see their brother since he was admitted to the hospital. At first the idea of seeing Jake got the children excited, but now that they were there the youngsters could feel the seriousness of the situation.

"Mommy." Lexi said. "Why are there so many sick kids here?" 

"This is a children's hospital. All of the patients here are kids." Ali answered. That was a somber statement for Lexi. She didn't understand why a child should have to come to a place like this. 

The four of them arrived at a closed door at the end of the hall. Ali knocked twice and waited. That was the signal she had worked out with Ashlyn before she left to pick up the kids. They wanted to make sure the children didn't see anything that might be too difficult for them to understand. 

Ashlyn poked her head out the door and had on a mask and gown covering her clothes. She handed Ali a stack of masks and gowns for all four visitors and then washed her hands, used disinfectant foam and returned to the side of Jacob's bed to hold his hand.

Ali had explained on the way there the new rules about keeping Jacob safe from germs. Today had been a hard day for Jake and his parents. He had some new tests done that showed his immune system was very week. They couldn't take any chances. 

As Ali and her dad dressed the children, she wished she had Ashlyn's creative imagination. She was certain her wife could think of a way to make the kids feel like they were having fun while wearing the mask and gown. Unfortunately, all she could think of was her sick son. Both Lexi and Samuel looked scared to death.

Once the four of them were properly dressed, washed, and disinfected, Ali switched places with Ashlyn. Ash took Sam, and Ali sat next to Jake and held his hand. Jacob woke up with the added noise in the room. His face was pale and thin, but he still managed to smile at the sight of his brother and sister. 

"Mommy, can I cuddle with Jakes?" Lexi asked. She wanted to lay down in the bed with him, just like he had done with her whenever she would have a bad dream.

"I don't know, Sweetheart..." Ali was ready to say no, but her oldest son cut her off.

"It's ok." Jacob said. He really wanted to be closer to his sister. She looked scared. He needed to protect her and assure her that everything would be alright.

"Babe." Ash said. Her tone was clear. She wanted her wife to let it happen. It needed to happen.

"Go ahead...but let Grandpa help you." Ali instructed. 

Ali's Dad found a good spot for her to sit that didn't interfere with any of the medical equipment hooked up to Jacob. Lexi was able to rest her head on Jacob's shoulder, which made both children feel better.

There was a heaviness hanging in the room. Everyone felt the seriousness of the situation. Ashlyn took it upon herself to lighten things up. 

This was a job for Team Awesome.

"Hey, Sam-Bam." Ash gave the boy in her arms a light shake. She whispered into the little boys ear and watched as his eyes grew big. His voice broke the silent sadness in the room. 

"Really?" Sam asked excitedly.

"Yup." Ash confirmed.

The rest of the family turned toward the duo with questioning looks. They knew Ash and Sam were up to something.

"But you can't tell anyone!" Ashlyn instructed.

"O....K...." Sam agreed. He was in awe of the new information his Mama had just revealed to him. 

Even though his face was covered by a mask it was obvious the boy had a smile on his face. Something had changed his mind about the level of hope in the room.

"What are you two up to?" Ali asked.

"It's top-secret information, Babe. Sorry." Ash replied.

"Top-secret, Babe! Sorry." Sam said copying his Mama. 

"Babe?" Ali laughed. She stood from her seat and approached the boy with her hands out ready to tickle. "You don't call me, Babe. You're my babe." Ali went in for the tickle attack and Samuel's giggles mixed in with the the rest of the family's laughter.

Joy.

...

Ali's Dad offered to stay with Jake for a few hours so the couple could spend some time together with the younger children. Upon entering the house both women felt overwhelmed. The place was a mess!

"So...." Ashlyn said, slowly drawing out the one syllable, two letter word.

"So?" Ali asked, encouraging her wife to continue her thought.

"So...do we clean or spend time with our children?" Ashlyn asked. It would've been an obvious answer if it wasn't for the fact that the place looked like a hurricane hit it.

Ali started laughing. The amount of overwhelming stress that resided in the tight knots in her shoulders and back had finally made her crack. 

"I have no idea." Ali finally answered. Her eyes were watering from the uncontrollable laughter.

Ashlyn watched her wife and knew she had to decide one way or another. The sooner Ali had a plan to follow, the better off her emotional and mental stability would be.

"I say we go on a hike." Ash suggested. "And then we snuggle up on the couch and watch a movie."

"What about the house?" 

"We'll pay someone to clean it." Ashlyn gave her overwhelmed wife a hug and whispered, "We have more important things to do today." 

Ali let Ash hold her for a few moments to bring a sense of calm back to her body and mind. Once she had calmed down, Ali asked, "We aren't really going to have someone clean for us, are we?" 

"Why not?"

"Because it's our house. I don't want someone else going through our stuff." Ali complained.

"We'll figure it out." Ash replied. She didn't want to stress her wife out over something that was meant to lessen the stress in their home.

The two split up their efforts in getting Lexi and Sam ready for a hike. Ashlyn got them dressed, while Ali prepared some snacks and drinks.

...

Ashlyn always teased Ali about how Ali was the beauty of the relationship, and Ashlyn was the braun. Today was a perfect example of why she said that. Not only was Ashlyn carrying the backpack filled with snacks, drinks, warm clothes, and a first aid kit, but she was also responsible for carrying Samuel when his little four year old legs got tired.

"Ooh!" Ali said excitedly. "That rock would look great in my garden." Ali picked up the rock she was interested in and placed it in the bag that Ashlyn had strapped to her back.

"Don't worry, Babe. Sam and I can carry your very special rock." Ash said sarcastically.

"It's not that heavy. It's good for you, anyways." Ali answered. She was starting to feel like herself again, meaning her 'sass' level was on the rise.

"It's good for me?" Ash asked rhetorically. She knew her wife wouldn't humor her with an answer. "Whatever you say, Dear." 

"Mommy, how about this one?" Lexi found a rock of her own. 

"Oooh, that's a good one, baby." Ali replied, confirming her daughter's keen eye for rock beauty.

This time Lexi put it in Ash's bag. The short girl had to pull down on the bag to get it to her height....causing even more weight for Ashlyn's back to support.

"Ok, it's time for a break." Ash set Sam down on a nearby log, took off the backpack, and laid down flat on the dirty ground. She propped her head up on the log, crossed her arms over her chest, and closed her eyes.

"What are you doing?" Ali asked her worn out wife. Ash pretended to snore, which sent Samuel into a giggle fit. 

Lexi decided to clear things up for her Mommy. "Mama is being silly." Even the six year old knew that she wasn't really asleep.

Samuel thought Ashlyn was hilarious and wanted in on the fun. He left his spot on the log and laid down next to Ashlyn. He smiled when he felt his Mama's arms wrap him up in a hug.

"Ash?" Ali said and kicked her wife lightly in the ribs. "Come on, we gotta get moving." Ali poked Ashlyn's stomach trying to get some kind of response. It only causes Ash to 'snore' louder.

Ali sighed loudly and said, "Come on, Lex. We don't need them to have a good time." Ali didn't trust her wife alone with the treasure rocks they had found so she picked up one of the straps of the bag and lifted. "Holy crap this is heavy!" 

"Aww, Mommy said a bad word!" Lexi snitched on her mother.

Miraculously Ashlyn regained consciousness and the ability to speak. "We don't use that word in our house, young lady."

"Yeah, young lady!" Sam felt the need to add his voice in the discussion, too.

"I'm sorry!" Ali apologized. "I shouldn't have said that. And I'm sorry, Ash, this bag really is heavy."

Ali unzipped the backpack/rock carrier and handed Lexi her special rock. "We need to leave this here, Sweetheart. We'll find some better rocks closer to home." Ali also removed the rock she had selected and placed it carefully next to a tree. She considered coming back later and getting it, if she had time. 

The hike ended with Ali carrying the bag and Ashlyn chasing Sam and Lexi through the woods.

...

During the movie, Ashlyn excused herself from the pile of limbs tangled up on their living room couch. She made the excuse that nature was calling, when in fact she was the one who needed to make a call.

Ashlyn returned almost fifteen minutes later, which worried Ali.

"Are you feeling ok?" Ali asked with concern.

"Yeah, uh no problem." Ash answered. She whispered to her wife, "How do you feel about flying your Mom out to help with the kids and house stuff?" 

"I think you're a genius!" Ali replied. "I'll call and ask." Ali tried to get up but was held down by her wife.

"I already did. She said she wanted to help."

"What about her job?" Ali asked.

"She's gonna use vacation time." Ash answered.

"I don't like that, Ashlyn. She shouldn't use that on us." Ali said. She really didn't like the thought of her Mom sacrificing so much for them.

"Babe, this isn't just about housework or even Jacob. It's about all of our kids and us. She wants to help and quite frankly we need it." Ashlyn answered. There really wasn't any other way. "We need to be big enough to accept her help. Besides, who else is there? I thought about my Grandma, but Sam would be way too much for her."

"You're right." Ali put her head down on Ashlyn's shoulder and squeezed her sleeping boy a little tighter and said, "Thank you."

Both Ashlyn and Ali felt better knowing they would soon have a trustworthy support system around them. Once again, Ali's parents came through when they really needed them.

Ali and Ash would now be able to spend more time together, which was just as important as anything else. They would also be able to take care of urgent matters with Jake, without worrying about what was going on back at home.

Life for the Krieger-Harris family was starting to look a bit more manageable for Ash and Ali. 

Things were starting to look up.


	151. Looking Up (Part Two)

Ali breathed out a long sigh of relief as she hugged her Mom at the airport. Her mother bent down to give Lexi a hug and was quickly swallowed up in Ali's embrace one more time.

"Mom, I'm so glad you're here." Ali sounded like a distressed little kid desperate for their parent's help. 

"I'm happy to help, Sweetheart. What do you need me to do?" Her mother asked.

"Lex is with me today. Ash and Sam are quarantined. They both woke up feeling sick as a dog." Ali said. She was exhausted and overwhelmed.

"Do you want me to take care of them while you're with Jacob and Lexi?" 

"I don't know, Mom." Ali exhaled sharply. "I wasn't kidding about them being quarantined. They're using Ash and my bed and bathroom. I'm making them stay in our room until they're better. I don't even want the dog in there with them. If someone else gets sick or gets germs on them and then somehow it gets to Jacob....Mom, it could be detrimental to his health."

"Alright, honey. Don't worry." Ali's Mom said. She could see that her daughter was unraveling. 

...

Ali's Mom peaked in through the crack of Ali and Ash's slightly open bedroom door, and saw that both Ashlyn and her littlest grandson were fast asleep. She had never seen either of them so still before. She knew they must've really been sick.

She spent the day cleaning and doing laundry. She was surprised by her daughter's house being so cluttered. Ali was always tidy and organized. The mess had to be driving her crazy.

Ali's Mom heard her grandson crying as she passed by their door. She had a basket full of Sam and Lexi's clothes. She thought about what her daughter had said about not exposing herself to Sam and Ash's germs, but there was no way she was going to let the little boy cry.

Deb put the basket down in the hall and slowly opened the door. Just as she was entering she heard him cry out for his Mama.

"Mama." The boy whimpered and reached for Ashlyn.

"Sweetheart, are you ok?" Ali's Mom said and sat down next to Ashlyn, who was still sleeping. She picked the boy up and held him close. 

"Grandma, I don't feel good." He cried. He pressed his head in his grandmother's chest and continued to cry.

"I'm sorry, honey." She said and carried him to the bathroom where the medicine cabinet was. She took his temperature and found that he had a low grade fever. 

She carried him to the kitchen and made sure he didn't touch anything. She pulled out a popsicle for the little guy to eat. He stayed quiet, but seemed to enjoy it.

Deb kept thinking about how adamant Ali was about keeping the sick duo 'quarantined.' She decided to return the boy back to the room where she found him. She brought along a coloring book and some crayons and helped him entertain himself. He wasn't very interested in doing anything but cuddle with his grandma.

After thirty minutes of cuddling and a little bit of coloring, she noticed that Ashlyn hadn't moved since she and Sam had returned. She didn't want to be too 'motherly' with her daughter-in-law, but she couldn't help it. She used the children's forehead thermometer that they have for Sam and Lexi and swiped it across Ashlyn's forehead.

103.9 degrees.

She double and tripled checked, and got the same result. She checked her own temperature just to be sure it wasn't a faulty thermometer. 

She had to call Ali.

She told her grandson to wait there and finish the picture they were working on while she got him and his Mama something to drink. She used the private time to have a serious conversation with her daughter.

Ali answered her phone right away.

"Hello."

"Hi, honey." Ali's mom sounded strange to her. Ali knew something was going on.

"What's wrong?" Ali asked nervously. She could tell by her mom's tone that something was up.

"Ash seems pretty sick. I'm wondering if I should take her to the doctor..." Deb paused before adding, "...or the hospital."

"The hospital?" Ali asked.

"Her temperature is pretty high and she has been sleeping like a rock since I've gotten here. She hasn't moved one bit. I remember you telling me that she moves around a lot when she sleeps, that's what made me want to check her temperature." Deb explained.

"Mom, I can't handle this right now. I don't know what to do." Ali answered. At the moment she was holding Jacob's hand and playing cards with Lexi.

"Sweetheart, I know this is a hard time. But this can't wait. Do you think your Dad can come and watch Samuel?" Deb asked. She knew her daughter needed her help in making the right decision.

"I should probably be the one to take her." Ali thought out loud. "So, she's really sick?" Ali asked. Her brain was starting to process what was going on. "Stay there. I'll get Dad to come here and stay with Jacob. Lex and I will meet you at the house."

"Ok. Just be careful. I'm gonna try to wake her up and get her to drink something." 

"Thanks, Mom. Love you." Ali said.

"Love you, too....and Ali?" 

"Yeah?" Ali said sounding more overwhelmed than ever.

"It's gonna be ok." 

...

As soon as Ali got home she rushed to her bedroom. She found her wife sitting up and taking small sips of water with Deb watching her closely. Ali overheard her Mom say, "Don't worry, honey. Ali's on her way."

The first thing Ali noticed about her wife was how out of it she seemed. She barely responded to Ali's Mom's voice. 

Ali took the water from her Mom's hand and said, "Can you take Samuel and make him and Lexi a snack?" Ali didn't want the boy to worry.

"Mommy?" Sam asked.

Ali switched roles from concerned wife to protective parent. "Hello, my love." She cheerfully greeted him. "It looks like you're starting to feel better."

"Mama is sick." Sam sounded worried, too.

"I know. I'm gonna take her to the doctor to get her feeling better." Ali explained. "Lexi has missed you all day. Why don't you take Grandma to go see her."

"Ok, Mommy." Sam agreed. He seemed to feel ok about leaving the room. Ali whispered a prayer of thanks. She couldn't imagine having to deal with a sick and cranky four year old at the moment. She was barely keeping it together as it was. 

Ali waited for her Mom and son to leave the room before giving her attention back to Ashlyn. "Hey, Baby." Ali said as she stroked Ashlyn flushed cheek. "Baby, I need you to drink a little more water." Ali put the bottle up to Ashlyn's lips and tipped a few drops at a time. Her wife's eyes were heavy. She slowly opened and closed them as she tried to listen to her wife's voice.

"Ash, don't hold the water in your mouth, you have to swallow it." Ali waited for Ashlyn to let the water run down her throat and then praised her for her good work. "Good job, Baby. Thank you." She repeated this a few times before moving on to the task of getting Ashlyn up and ready for a hospital visit.

It took a lot of persistence on Ali's part, but Ashlyn finally woke up enough to go with her wife. Ali helped Ash balance as they walked to the car. Deb packed her daughter a bag of snacks and drinks for the couple to take with them. 

"Thanks, Mom." Ali gave her mother a quick hug and hurried with her wife to the emergency room. 

...

"You've got to be kidding me!" Ali said. She was furious.

She sat next to her wife who was laying in a hospital bed hooked up to an IV. Ali was over the whole hospital scene. She was especially frustrated because she had just been told by the doctor that her wife and son had probably been exposed to a virus from the same hospital that her sick son, with a weak immune system, was staying at.

Ashlyn and Sam were going to be fine, but neither of them would be able to be anywhere near Jacob until they were symptom free for 48 hours. 

Ali didn't know how she was going to get through their new routine without Ashlyn. The worst part was that she was instructed by Jacob's doctor to keep her distance from her wife and youngest son, if she wanted to continue seeing Jacob. It wasn't in Ali's nature to stay away from her family when they were sick and needed her. 

...

It took 9 days for Ashlyn and Samuel to both be symptom free for 48 hours. 

It took 8 days for the doctor to decide that Jacob could finally go home. He still required some follow up treatment, but he was officially in remission.


	152. Looking Up (Part Three)

"Baby, I'm glad you're feeling better." Ali said as she snuggled closer next to Ashlyn in their bed. 

It was a brisk Saturday morning and the kids were still in bed. The house was calm and quiet. The peace was like medicine to their souls.

It had been a long month for them. Jacob was in the hospital for three weeks and Ashlyn and Samuel spent a week and a half of that time fighting an illness that kept Ali at a distance for safety reasons. They couldn't risk spreading their germs to the rest of the family, most of all Jacob.

Things were starting to look up for the family. Jacob was back home where he belonged, and every family member was healthy and happy. 

Ali's Mom was still in town for a few more days and Ali had a plan to make the most of having her around. Ashlyn also had her own idea of what needed to happen before her mother-in-law left.

"Babe, I think we need to do something special for your mom before she leaves. Ya know, to let her know how much we appreciate her." Ashlyn said. She affectionately kissed the top of her wife's head.

"I know what I want to do before she leaves." Ali said. She adjusted herself so that she was hovering over her wife's body. 

"Babe, we can't do that while your mom's here." Ash answered. 

"Ash, do you know how long it's been?" Ali said with a tone of frustration. She sighed heavily and rolled off Ash saying, "Forget it!" 

Ali rolled towards the edge of the bed and just as her foot touched the floor she felt her wife pull her back. Ashlyn had both arms around Ali's waist and brought her into a tight hug. Ash forced her wife to lay back down next to her. 

"Alex, you know I want to be with you. Don't act like I'm rejecting you. I just don't think it's fair for us to ask your mom to watch the kids so that we can have a night to ourselves. I don't want to take advantage of her." Ash explained.

"We can be fast." Ali answered. She pulled Ashlyn in for a kiss. Things heated up quickly. Ali's hands started wandering underneath her wife's shirt. Ashlyn wanted it just as much as Ali, but she felt too guilty with her mother-in-law in the house. 

"Babe." Ash breathlessly said. She pushed herself up on her forearms and allowed some distance between her and her wife. "We can't. The kids could come in at any minute. And your mom is right down stairs."

"You infuriate me." Ali complained. She wasn't really mad. She was frustrated. 

Really frustrated.

...

Ali's mom made breakfast, so Ali had even less to do than usual. There was nothing to distract her from her strong desire for intimacy with her wife. 

Ashlyn wasn't making it any easier for her either. Her arms were looking extra good in her sleeveless t-shirt as she flew Sam around the kitchen like Superman. This fact only annoyed Ali even more. 

Why did Ashlyn have to be so hot and also a good mother? Ali couldn't help but want to be with her.

...

"Mom, can you watch the kids while Ash and I are at the gym?" Ali asked. She had a lot more in mind than just a workout.

"Of course, honey." Deb answered. She was always glad to help out.

Now all Ali had to do was convince her wife to leave with her. 

...

Ash was outside shooting hoops with Jacob, Lexi, and Sam. Ali's Dad had recently helped Ash attach a basketball hoop to the garage. Ashlyn told him she had always wanted one when she was a kid. 

He visited the next day with a basketball backboard and rim in the back of his truck and reminded her that he thought of her as his own daughter. He wanted her to have to hoop she always wished she could've had.

"Baby, can I talk to you a sec?" Ali called out to her wife who was holding Lexi by the waist and lifting her towards the hoop. Lex dunked the ball before Ashlyn brought her back down to the ground.

"Sure. What's up?" Ashlyn asked. She wiped her sweaty face on her forearm and gave Ali a quick kiss.

"My Mom is gonna watch the kids so we can go for a quick workout." Ali answered.

"Do we have a training session today?" Ash asked. They hadn't had training sessions at the same time since Jacob was hospitalized.

"No, it's just a normal workout thing. No trainer today." Ali answered. For her plan to work she had to make sure Ash was completely caught off guard. 

"Um..." Ash hesitated to agree.

Ali quickly strengthened her case. "My Mom wants us to go. We have to get back to our training if we expect to play in the World Cup." 

"Ok. That's fine." Ashlyn answered. She watched her oldest son dribble towards the basket and saw an opportunity to steal the ball. She quickly sprinted toward him and blocked his layup.

Ali usually would've scolded her for giving their son a hard time, especially since he was just getting back into the swing of things, but she opted instead to do a fist pump of celebration. Her wife had taken the bait. 

...

"Ash, I've been meaning to ask you..." Ali said. She and Ashlyn were on their way to the gym. "What did you say to Sam at the hospital that one day to keep him from getting freaked out about Jake? I remember he went from being terrified to being excited and happy."

Ashlyn started laughing. She had totally forgotten about that. "I told him that Jake was a superhero and that the germs were like kryptonite. The masks kept the germs from hurting him, and so he didn't need to worry about Jake because he had super powers and would be ok."

"So our son thinks his big brother is a superhero?" Ali asked.

"Yeah. And I mean...he basically is. How many people can say they beat cancer? And that's not even the hardest thing he's overcome. Our son really is a hero." Ash said. She was getting sentimental. Jacob's strength was deserving of her awe and admiration.

"He really is." Ali smiled. She felt the exact same way about her wife.

After the two women had finished their workout, Ali recommended that they take showers at the gym so that they could run a few errands afterwards. When Ash objected on the grounds that she didn't have her shower stuff and clean clothes, Ali revealed that she had brought everything needed.

Ali watched Ash get into one of the open showers and then waited for the locker room to empty. It was now or never, Ali thought. She removed her towel and joined her wife in the same shower stall. 

"What the heck? What are you doing?" Ash jumped when she felt her wife's touch against her wet skin.

"Shh..." Ali said and threaded her fingers through the hair on the back of Ashlyn's head and pulled her in for a heated kiss.

"Alex!" Ash whispered.

"You need to be quiet or else someone will hear us. And I have news for you..." Ali pressed her naked body into her wife. The added pressure caused Ash to moan. "....this is happening whether anyone hears us or not."

"Are you crazy?" Ashlyn could barely form a sentence. She didn't know what to say. She knew they should stop, but she really didn't want too.

"Yes." Ali answered. She pulled back just enough to look deeply into her wife's eyes and say, "I'm crazy in love with my hot wife and need to have her right now."

Ashlyn couldn't argue. She did what anyone else would do in a situation like this. She let her wife have her way. 

And she enjoyed every minute of it.

...

Once Ali had been given the opportunity to release her 'frustration,' she was able to get back to normal life with her family. It had been a difficult couple of months, but they had made it through. 

And they had made it through stronger than ever!


	153. First Dates & Sensitive Hearts (Part One)

"Hey, you two." Ali said, as she played with a few strands of her wife's hair. Ashlyn and Lexi were cuddling in Ash's recliner and ignoring the rest of the world. 

"What's up, wife?" Ashlyn said. She and Lexi had been snuggled up for almost an hour after breakfast. 

"Well, my boys are outside with Monster having fun and getting some exercise, and my girls are inside being couch potatoes. I was wondering if you'd like to join the rest of the family outside." Ali said.

"Hmm..." Ashlyn hummed. She whispered something into her daughter's ear and Lexi placed her hands around Ash's ear to whisper her response. Ashlyn nodded in understanding and said, "Lex and I are grateful for the invitation, but we graciously decline your offer." 

Ali couldn't help but chuckle. There was no way Lexi said those words to Ashlyn. "Am I to understand that you are going to sit around all day and do nothing?"

"We're playing hooky." Ash confirmed.

"What exactly are you playing hooky from?" Ali asked. It was a Sunday and the family had absolutely nothing on their agenda.

"Hmm..." Ash thought for a moment. She whispered something to Lexi and let the girl answer for her.

"We're playing hooky from doing stuff." Lexi declared. Her expression was serious and looked like she meant business.

"I see." Ali replied. She was finding her wife and daughter very entertaining. "Well, what about me and the boys? Can we join you?"

Lexi immediately whispered something to Ashlyn. Her Mama's eyes went big. Ash was surprised by what the girl said. Ashlyn shook her head 'no,' as if to say to the girl that she couldn't get her way.

Ali interrupted their quiet negotiations. "Lexi, you don't want your brothers and me to join you?" Ali pretended to be hurt. She had a suspicion that she knew what Lexi had said to Ash.

"You and Jakes can, but NOT Sammy." Lexi said authoritatively. Ali's suspicion was confirmed.

"That's not very nice. Your little brother loves you. It would hurt his feelings to be left out." Ali explained. She wanted her daughter to think of Samuel's feelings, too.

Lexi sighed loudly and said, "Fine." She rolled her eyes at the thought of including her little brother.

"Little Princess, Sam loves you. You're his favorite sister and one of his heroes." Ashlyn said. She knew the two children were always at odds. Lexi did not appreciate her little brother's rambunctious ways, and Samuel was oblivious to the fact.

Ali kissed her grumpy daughter on the cheek and gave Ash a peck on the lips and said, "Well, I don't know about you guys, but I am going to have fun with my two favorite boys. You lame-o's can stay here and watch us live it up." Ali left her two favorite girls and joined the boys out back.

...

About twenty minutes later Samuel ran into the house in tears. Ali and Jake followed close behind.

"Mama!" Samuel cried. Ashlyn and Lexi were still reclined in Ashlyn's chair having quality cuddle time when the boy came running in. He climbed up into Ashlyn's lap and sat right next to his sister. Lexi didn't like that at all. Sam laid his head down on Ashlyn's empty shoulder and continued to cry. 

"What happened, Bam?" Ashlyn asked. She rubbed his back and placed several kisses on his head.

Lexi chose this moment to make herself as big as possible and try to nudge her brother off of their Mama's lap. 

"Stop!" Sam screamed at his sister. She continued to push but added in the use of her hands and legs, as well. 

Ali caught on to what was happening before Ashlyn did. She was too close to the action to see what was going on. All she knew was that she was covered with tiny tangled up human limbs. Ali promptly removed Lexi from the situation. 

The separation from Ashlyn made the moody six year old angry. As far as she was concerned her and her Mama had been enjoying a calm and loving time and her little brother ruined everything....like usual.

Ali and Lexi went to a different room to deal with the little girl's drama, while Ash and Jake were left with Samuel's meltdown.

"What's going on, buddy?" Ash asked again. Her little guy's feelings were obviously hurt by Lexi, but she still didn't know what had caused him to come to her crying in the first place.

Samuel didn't answer. He pressed his face into the crook of her neck, as if claiming his territory, and stayed quiet. Ashlyn looked up toward her oldest son and asked him if he knew what the heck was going on.

"He dropped his model plane from the tree house and when he tried to get it, Monster got it first and chewed off one of the wings." Jake explained. "Mom tried to comfort him but he hit her arm away and ran inside."

Ashlyn used her legs to move the chair from a reclining position to straighten up. She stood with her emotional boy in her arms and carried him outside to find his dog. While holding onto her son she took a seat on the grass underneath the treehouse. Monster came to them immediately. He started giving Sam puppy kisses, to which Sam pushed him away. 

"Sam-Bam, Monster loves you. Dogs like to chew on things. He didn't know that he wasn't supposed to. Monster was just trying to play with you." Ashlyn said. 

"He was?" Sam asked. He wiped at his tears with his hand and tried to catch his breath. 

"Yep. You're his favorite person to play with. He doesn't know the right way to play with human toys. That's why we have so many doggy toys for him to chew on. That's how dogs play with their toys." Ashlyn explained. She gave her sweet and sensitive boy a kiss on the cheek and said, "Look at him, right now. He wants to show you how much he loves you." Ashlyn pointed at Monster who was trying to get close to Sam to comfort his upset friend.

"Mama, I love Monster too." Sam said and stretched out his little hand to play with one of his dog's ears.

"You should tell him."

Sam lifted up the dog's ear and whispered, "I love you. I'm sorry." 

Ashlyn's heart melted watching her son treat his dog with gentleness, love, and kindness. 

At this time the rest of the family joined them outside. Ash watched Ali take Lexi straight to the time-out chair to think about better ways to handle her frustration with her brother that didn't involve hitting.

Once Ash saw Ali it reminded her about what Jacob had told her. She had to take care of one more thing. "Bam, your brother said that you hit Mommy's arm away when she tried to help you." 

"I did?" Sam asked. His heart looked like it broke in two when he found out. 

"That's what your brother said." Ash answered.

"I didn't mean to, Mama." Sam replied. He was moments away from bursting into tears, and Ashlyn knew it.

"I believe you, Bam. Let's get Mommy over here..." Ash said. She waved toward Ali to call her over. For some reason Sam felt scared and hid his face in shame behind Ashlyn's arm.

"How are we doing over here?" Ali asked. She could see that her littlest boy was still recovering.

"Babe, Sam wants to tell you something." Ash moved her arm behind the boy, pulled him into her lap, and positioned him to face Ali.

Ali gave her son a sweet and gentle smile. She wanted him to know that he was safe and loved. "What do you need to say, Sammy?" Ali asked. She placed a hand on the boys leg for assurance.

"I'm sorry, Mommy." He said and lunged for her arms and held her neck tightly.

Ali gladly embraced him and gave her wife a questioning look. She had no idea why the boy was upset and what he was apologizing for. Ashlyn leaned forward and whispered that he was sorry for hitting her arm away. Ali nodded in understanding and Ash left the two alone to let forgiveness have it's way. 

She felt bad about leaving her daughter in time-out but wanted to let Ali be the one to pardon the girl and give her her freedom back. Ash didn't know what was discussed between the two of them and wanted to make sure she didn't contradict her wife's decision of how to handle the situation. She invited Jake to play basketball in the driveway with her. He was happy to have some grown up time apart from his younger siblings.

"So, Jake..." Ash said and sent a bounce pass her son's way. "What's going on with you and Rachel these days?"

"Well...um..." Jake stalled having to answer his mother and shot the ball toward the basket. It bounced off the backboard and into Ashlyn's direction.

"Spit it out, son." Ash said. She knew he was avoiding answering. 

"We're sorta dating now." Jake answered.

"Really?" Ash asked. She needed more information. "What does 'sorta' dating mean?"

"We're boyfriend and girlfriend, but because I got sick we haven't really had a chance to go on a date or anything." 

"Have you kissed her?" Ash asked. She knew her wife would want to know.

Jacob's face turned bright red and answered his mother's question without words.

"Have you done anything else?" Ash asked. She had to make sure the boy wasn't in over his head.

"We held hands and kissed once. That's all, though!" He said. He wanted to make sure his Mama knew that he wasn't in need of any serious 'birds and bees' talks, at the moment.

Ashlyn squinted her eyes as if she was surveying him and the situation closely. She seemed satisfied by his explanation. "So, you haven't been on a date yet, eh? Where you gonna take her?" Ash asked. She shot the ball into the basket and got nothing but net.

"Is there any sport you're not good at?" Jake asked.

"No. I'm the best at everything. That's all you need to know." Ash answered cheekily. "But stop avoiding the question."

"I'm not avoiding anything. I honestly don't know the answer. I can't drive. I have no money. Where can I take her?" Jake asked.

"Son, all you gotta do is ask. When I started dating your Mom, I was broke like a crystal chandelier hit by a sledgehammer." Ash joked. Jacob didn't look amused. She changed her approach to a more serious tone. "For real, dude. I had very little money and had to be super creative. But you know how this situation is different?" Ash asked.

"How?" Jake asked.

"I didn't have anyone to help me. You have me and your Mom...but especially me. I'm gonna hook you up with everything you need to charm this girl in a way she will never forget." Ash promised.

"Really?" Jake asked. He felt like this was an insignificant matter compared to what he had put his family through lately. He didn't feel like he deserved any more attention or help. 

As an adopted child who vividly remembered what it was like to depend on no one but himself, he hadn't considered that his parents would be interested in helping him romance a girl. In his mind they had already gone above and beyond when it came to taking care of him.

"Dude, we got this. Don't worry. Tell me more about this girl so we can start planning." Ash said.

The two spent the rest of the day planning the perfect first date. 

...

Ali did eventually release Lexi from time-out. The family got along well after that, but Ali couldn't help but think that there was something bothering their daughter. 

She needed to have a serious talk with Ashlyn.


	154. First Dates & Sensitive Hearts (Part Two)

Ashlyn sat at the kitchen table focusing hard on what she was writing on an index card. Ali stood a few feet away and watched her quietly. She wondered what in the world her wife was up too. Ashlyn's face was serious and zoomed in on the small letters she was carefully forming on the card. Ali couldn't wait any longer to find out what was going on.

"What are you doing?" Ali asked. She approached her wife from behind. Ashlyn must've tuned out the world, because Ali's question was left unanswered.

Ali shook her wife's shoulder to get her attention and asked again, "What are you doing?" 

"What? Oh, sorry. I didn't see you there. You snuck up on me like creeper." Ash replied. 

"A creeper?" Ali repeated. She pushed her wife back in her chair and sat down in her lap. She wanted to have Ashlyn's full attention.

"Creeper is the same thing as a wife, right?" Ash joked. 

"You better watch it, missy!" Ali put an arm around her shoulders and pinched her. "What are working so hard on over here, anyway?"

"This, my hot wife, is our son's cheat sheet for his date with his girlfriend." Ash explained.

"Ok first off, this is for you." Ali leaned in and gave her wife a kiss of thanks in response to the 'hot wife' comment. "And the second order of business here...What date? And when did he get a girlfriend?" 

Ashlyn hadn't had a chance yet to update her wife about their son's romantic life. Ali hated not being in the loop.

"He asked Rachel to be his girlfriend at our anniversary party. He wants help with planning their first date. So, I am helping him with that....and because I know you're going to ask...they have kissed once and held hands." Ashlyn answered.

"They've kissed?" Ali asked. She was in shock. She tensed up suddenly and said, "I knew we couldn't trust that girl!"

"Relax, Babe. They're kids. I'm sure our son wanted to kiss her just as much, if not more, than she wanted to kiss him." Ashlyn couldn't help but laugh at her overprotective wife.

"They're too young to date." Ali said.

"They are not!" Ashlyn argued.

"He's our baby. He's too young." Ali whined. She never wanted any of her children to grow up. 

"He's not our baby. He's our teenager, and you're a little crazy. You should keep both those things in mind." Ashlyn joked. She poked her wife's sides to try and get a smile.

"Stop!" Ali responded with a smile. Ashlyn placed a tender kiss on Ali's neck and filled her in on more of the details of the date.

"Besides, I think you're really going to love what our son came up with for his first date."

"What did he come up with?" Ali asked. Ash had successfully distracted Ali from her disapproving overprotective attitude.

"I told him that he needs to show Rachel what he's all about. When he told me what he wanted to do....Let's just say, he legit made me tear up." Ashlyn said. 

Once she described the date that Jacob had in mind, Ali felt much better about her little boy growing up. He was a special kid, and she was proud to be his mother.

...

Jacob held on tightly to the notecard Ashlyn had given him. At the top, next to #1, were the words 'THE CALL.' Jacob had to call his girlfriend and ask her to go on a date. He had asked Ashlyn if he could just text her and Ash told him he had to be brave, at least for the first date. Ash also included a few bullet points that included tips on what to say. Even though the boy had nothing to worry about he was still nervous, and his mother's cheat sheet made him feel more confident.

He was ready to make the call.

"Hey, Jake!" Rachel answered. She sounded happy to hear from him. 

"Hi. Umm..." Jacob cleared his throat. He tried to speak again but an odd squeaky noise rose from his throat.

"Uh, are you ok?" Rachel asked. She had never heard her new boyfriend sound like a mouse in pain before.

"Yeah. Sorry. Umm..." Jacob took a breath and looked at the card in his hand. His Mama's handwriting reminded him to be confident and to remember that Rachel already liked him. He didn't have to try to impress her over the phone. He just had to ask her to hang out like they have done hundreds of times.

He cleared his throat and went for it. "I was wondering if you would like to go on a date with me?"

"Sure." Rachel answered, like it was no big deal. She would've agreed to just about anything that Jake asked. He was her best friend.

"Really?" Jake asked. He had forgotten that he was supposed to be confident and cool. 

"Duh. Why wouldn't I want to go on a date with you? You're my favorite person to hang out with." Rachel answered honestly.

"I am?" Jacob was honestly surprised.

"Yes! Of course." Rachel affirmed that what she said was nothing but the truth. 

She then asked him about how he was feeling and how happy he must've been to be home. She told him about how she made her dad take her to the library every day after school so that she could study about his illness and possible treatments and cures. She even let it slip that she snuck out of school during lunch to visit a nearby church and pray in the back of the sanctuary. 

"You skipped school to go to church?" Jake asked. "You're the weirdest and coolest girl I know."

...

Ali was in the kitchen working on dinner for the family. Ashlyn was with Sam enjoying a late nap. It took Sam longer than usual that day to settle into his normal after school routine. This caused him to get to sleep later than what he was used to. 

Ashlyn loved nap time. If the day's agenda allowed it, she would join her son for a short nap. Ali didn't mind. It helped both Ashlyn and Samuel recharge and push the reset button if they got a rough start to the day. Sometimes Ali would join them too, if she was able.

On this particular day, Ali was too busy to enjoy an afternoon siesta. She had laundry and dinner to take care of for the family. She also had to wait for Lexi to get dropped off by the school bus. Once Lex got home, Ali returned to working on her to-do list. 

...

Ashlyn felt a soft kiss and heard her wife's kind voice waking her up. "Dinner is ready." Ali said.

Ashlyn smiled and looked down at the boy in her arms. She promised her wife that she would wake him up and get him ready to eat. Ali gave her one more kiss and left to round up her other children. Jake was still on the phone talking to his girlfriend, but quickly hung up when he heard there was food ready for him to consume. Ali was happy to see that he had his appetite back. 

Ali searched the house for Lexi, but was having a difficult time finding her. Ash heard her calling for their daughter and joined her in the search. "When was the last time you saw her?" Ashlyn asked.

"When she got home from school." Ali answered. "It was about an hour and a half ago." Ali was trying to hide the worry that was rising up in her.

"Babe, I'm sure she's ok. Maybe she fell asleep somewhere." Ash answered. She wanted to comfort her wife, but the longer it took to find Lexi the more anxious she became.

The family searched underneath every bed and inside every closet. They called for her but she didn't answer. Ashlyn searched outside, even though it was a cold day, and finally found the little girl. 

Lexi was wrapped up in a blanket hiding in the corner of the children's treehouse. Ashlyn was relieved to find her and assumed that her daughter was asleep, but when she heard her crying she knew that wasn't the case.

Ashlyn knelt down beside her daughter and put a hand on her shoulder. "Lex, what's wrong?" Lexi rolled away from Ashlyn, so that she was facing the wall and completely covered by the blanket.

Ash knew her daughter was upset about something. Whatever was bothering her must seem pretty serious to the six year old. "Princess, I'm sorry if you're hurting. Please let me know how I can help you."

Every time Lexi gave Ash the silent treatment it reminded her of when Lex was first adopted and traumatized from what she had experienced before joining the Krieger-Harris family. Ashlyn feared the worst every single time.

"Lexi, I'm not gonna leave you out here in the cold." Ash wanted to warn her daughter before she picked her up and held her close to her. She carried her to the house and asked for Ali's help.

At first, Ali was relieved to see that Lexi had been found, but once she saw how upset her daughter was her relief disappeared. "What's wrong?" Ali asked. She hurried to her wife and daughter's side. 

"She won't talk to me." Ash answered. Ali knew exactly where Ashlyn's mind was going. 

Ali grabbed Ashlyn's hand for support and used her other hand to pull the blanket away from her daughter's eyes. "Sweetheart, what's bothering you?" Ali asked.

Lexi heard Ali's voice and opened her eyes. She struggled to get out of Ashlyn's hold and reached out for Ali. Ash was glad that her daughter was opening up, but it hurt that she wasn't willing to open up to her. She didn't understand why her daughter seemed to be rejecting her.

Ash cleared her throat. Ali could see that she was hurt, but a parent's needs comes after their child is taken care of. 

"I'm gonna go help the boys with dinner." Ash said. She didn't want to hinder Ali's ability to help Lexi, and she really didn't want to risk getting rejected by her daughter again.

"Ash..." Ali tried to stop her from leaving. She wanted to say something, but with Lexi in her arms, she didn't know what to say to make her wife feel better.

Ali shifted her attention to her daughter and asked, "Lexi, what is going on?"

Lex shrugged her shoulders. 

"You're obviously upset. Did something happen at school today?" Ali asked.

"No." Lexi answered.

"Did something happen here at home that made you sad?" Ali asked.

Lexi shrugged again. 

Ali knew it had to have to do with something regarding the family.

She let out a careful breath and asked, "Are you upset with Mama about something?"

Lexi didn't answer. She burrowed her face into Ali's chest and tried to hide from the truth. 

"Sweetheart, why are you mad at Mama?"

"Because." Lexi answered.

"Because why?" Ali pushed for a more specific answer.

"Because she likes Sammy and Jakes more than me." Lexi said with a shaky voice. It hurt her more to have to say it out loud.

"That's not true!" Ali replied. "You're Mama's little princess."

"She always is with Sam or Jake." Lexi complained. "I don't matter as much to her. I want to run away."

"Alexandra, you do not want to run away. Do you know how sad we would all be if you left?" Ali replied.

"I don't care! I'm sad because nobody loves me." 

"Lexi, we all love you." 

Ali tried to get the girl to listen to the truth but Lexi kicked her and yelled, "No!"

Ali couldn't get her daughter to calm down. She had to get reinforcements. "Ashlyn!" She yelled for her wife.

Ash rushed to her aid. She saw her wife struggling with their daughter. Ashlyn grabbed Lexi and held her in a bear hug. She held on to her tight enough that the little girl was powerless to physically fight anymore. 

"What's going on?" Ash asked her wife.

"She wants to run away. She doesn't think we love her and that you prefer her brothers over her." Ali summed up.

"Princess." Ashlyn softly whispered into Lexi's ear. The girl refused to look at Ashlyn. "You're my favorite girl. I love you just as much as I love your brothers." 

"No, you don't!" Lexi snapped.

"Why do you think that, Lex?" Ash asked. She was truly surprised. Her daughter meant the world to her.

"You play with them and have fun." Lexi answered. 

Ashlyn still didn't understand. "I have fun with you, too." Ashlyn loosened her grip, hoping that Lex would want to stay in her arms. Unfortunately the girl couldn't get away fast enough. She ran straight for Ali.

Ash tried to play it off like it didn't bother her, but it broke her heart. It was only a day ago that they spent the entire morning cuddling and loving on each other. She just couldn't understand.

Ali knew her wife well enough to know that she was hurting. She watched Ashlyn rub the back of her neck and try to steady her breathing. Ash exhaled slowly and then brought her eyes up to Ali and said, "It might be better if I leave." Ashlyn's eyes landed on her sad daughter and she said, "I'm sorry, Lex." 

Ashlyn left her two princesses to work things out without her.

...

It took a while, but Ali and Lexi finally settled the matter. When Ali and Lex made it to the dinner table, Ashlyn wasn't there. Jake and Sam had finished long ago, but were still at the table throwing wadded up pieces of napkin at each other. 

"Where's your Mama?" Ali asked.

"I thought she was with you." Jake answered.

Ali really wanted to check on her wife, but she didn't feel like she could leave Lexi. She needed to stay close to the young girl and reassure her that she was an important member of the family.

Ali excused the boys from the table AFTER they cleaned up their mess. Once the boys left Ali watched her wife approach with two small suitcases. She carried them both up to the table and sat down. 

Ashlyn ignored the fact that there was luggage at the table. She filled her plate with food, like normal. Lexi and Ali were both staring at her like she had two heads. Ash did a good job of ignoring them, too.

Ali was about to ask, but she was cut off by Ashlyn's foot underneath the table. Ali had to stifle a startled gasp. She held back a smile when she realized what her wife was up to.

Lexi's curiosity got the best of her. She couldn't help but ask. "Mama, why do you have those?" She pointed to the suitcases.

"To hold my stuff." Ash answered. She tried to sound serious and keep a straight face.

"Where are you going?" The young girl asked.

"With you." Ash answered simply.

"What do you mean?" Lexi asked, feeling confused. Ali covered her mouth with her hand. Her wife was not only a genius, but also the sweetest person she knew.

"If you run away, I'm going with you." Ash replied.

"You are?" 

"Yep. I would miss you too much. I would cry every night. I also wouldn't want you to get lonely or scared. So...I'm going with you."

Lex took her time digesting what her mother said. She considered what it would mean for the two of them to leave home together. She felt a lot better about running away, knowing that she would have her Mama there. But she also knew that they would miss her Mommy and maybe her brothers, too...a little.

"Mama?" Lexi said. "I don't think we should run away. Mommy would be sad if we left."

Ali smiled at her little girl's reasoning. 

"Hmm...I didn't think about that." Ash replied. "I sure wouldn't want to make your Mommy sad." Ash maintained character and acted like this was the first she had considered her wife's response. Ash looked at the suitcases and then back at Lexi and said, "Maybe you're right. Maybe we should stay home." 

Ash picked up her fork and stabbed at the salad on her plate. She brought the food up to her mouth and stopped suddenly to add to her thought, "But do you think we could hang out tonight and maybe do something fun?" Ash asked.

Lexi thought for a moment, making Ashlyn a little nervous. Maybe her plan didn't work after all. 

Lex put Ash's mind at ease when she answered excitedly, "Yeah!"

Ali tapped her wife's leg with her foot under the table and mouthed the words "I love you."

Ashlyn had found a way to comfort the sensitive heart of their daughter and reassured her that she was loved and important, too.


	155. First Dates & Sensitive Hearts (Part Three)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last part of First Dates & Sensitive Hearts.

"Mommy!" Ali heard Lexi scream in terror. 

Ali was in the back yard with Sam. The rest of the family was in the front yard playing basketball in the driveway. Ali sprinted to find the cause of her daughter's fearful scream. 

She found her daughter standing next to a seated Ashlyn. Ash was on the ground leaning against the garage door. Her hands were on top of her head and there appeared to be blood on her shirt.

"What happened?" Ali asked.

Jacob explained that Ash went up for a layup and he got twisted up with her and she fell and hit her head on his knee.

Ali knelt down beside her and lifted Ashlyn's hands. There was a good amount of blood and Ash looked a little bit dazed. Head injuries were no joke with Ashlyn's medical history and Ali wasn't going to take any chances. 

"Baby, how are you feeling?" Ali asked. She tried to get her face right in front of Ash to make sure she could look closely into her eyes. Ashlyn was having a hard time focusing on Ali.

"I'm fine. My head hurts a little, though." Ash answered. 

Ali helped her wife up and led her inside. She sat her down in the kitchen to take a closer look at the wound. "I'm sorry Ash, but I think we're gonna need to go to the hospital." 

"Alex, no." Ashlyn whined. "I'm ok. I promise." 

"Sweetheart, we can't be too careful when it comes to head traumas with you." Ali said. She carefully dabbed at the small cut and added, "Seriously, there's no other option." Ali laid down the law. It was for her wife's own good. Ashlyn couldn't argue. It had to be done.

Ali got the bleeding to stop. She couldn't believe such a small cut could produce so much blood. She put Jacob in charge of the his siblings for the short time it would take for her Dad to get there. 

Ashlyn fell asleep on the way to the hospital. She seemed to be unable to keep her eyes open. Ali knew that could be a symptom of a concussion. 

After a short wait, Ashlyn was cleared by the doctor. She was fine. He didn't think she had a concussion, but told Ali to keep an eye on her just in case.

For the first time in a long time, Lexi and Sam both cuddled together without getting into a fight. They wanted to stay close to Ashlyn until she felt better. Ali considered it a miracle that her diva daughter allowed her wiggly son to not only share a bed with her, but to also share Ashlyn.

The family was making progress. It was a sweet moment between the two younger siblings that encouraged Ali that their might be hope for peace between Lexi and Sam after all.

...

"There's my sleepy, possibly concussed, beautiful wife." Ali said cheerfully. Ashlyn had finally woken up from her afternoon nap and had two little ones following close behind.

Ali and Jacob were on the couch bonding over video games when Ash sat down next to her wife. She leaned her head against Ali's shoulder and closed her eyes. She looked as if she as going to fall back to sleep at any second.

"Ash, if you're still tired, then why did you get up?" Ali asked as she put an arm around Ashlyn.

"Because I missed you." Ashlyn replied, keeping her eyes closed.

"You're sweet when you're wounded." Ali joked. She kissed her wife's head and felt bad when she felt a large lump had developed where her head met her son's knee.

"Mama, sorry I almost knocked you out." Jacob apologized. He felt guilty that it was his knee that caused the injury.

"No worries, son. I just have a little headache." Ash answered.

"Are we still going to be able to do my date tonight?" Jake asked. Tonight was a big night for Jacob. 

"No problem. Your Mom might have to drive, though." Ash smiled. She snuggled in closer to her wife and let the comfort of Ali's presence make her feel better. Ali always had a way about her that made everything seem better for Ashlyn.

...

Ali and Jacob picked up Rachel for their big first date. Ali waited in the car to let her son have a couple private moments with his girlfriend. Ashlyn reminded her to be nice to the girl their son was smitten with, even though Ali would prefer that he didn't insist on growing up so fast.

Ali watched her son nervously approach the door to his girlfriend's house. She had to admit that the boy was adorable. He straightened up his collar, patted down his hair, and checked his breath before knocking. Ali hoped that whoever the boy ended up with in the future, would appreciate his kind and thoughtful heart.

Rachel didn't make him wait very long. It was obvious to Ali that she was just as excited as he was. Her Dad shook Jacob's hand and said something, that Ali couldn't hear. He waved to Ali and sent Jacob and his daughter on their way.

Jacob opened the door for Rachel, just as Ashlyn had written on his cheat sheet to do, and then handed her the flowers that Ali had helped him pick out on their way to the girl's house.

"Thank you, Jake! These are beautiful." Rachel gushed.

"Not as beautiful as you." Jacob replied.

"Smooth." Ali thought to herself. She wondered if the compliment was written on the index card of tips that Ashlyn had given to him. She wouldn't have been surprised if it was. It was totally something that her wife would say to her.

"So where are we going, Jake?" Rachel asked. 

Ali listened carefully. She wanted to make sure she got a good read of Rachel's reaction when she heard Jake's answer. Ali was looking for a reason NOT to like the girl. 

"Well, I wanted to do something with you that would show you what's important to me, and so the first part of our date we will be spending time with my family. I hope that's ok." Jake said. The more he thought about it, the more nervous he got that he had made a big mistake and should've just taken the girl to dinner and a movie.

"I think it's a great idea. I love your family." Rachel answered. She provided no more ammunition for Ali to dislike her.

After a short drive, Ali parked her car next to Ashlyn's Jeep in the parking lot of a neighborhood pumpkin patch. Jacob invited his girlfriend to pick out and carve a pumpkin with his family. Ali and the two teenagers found the rest of the Krieger-Harris family searching for the perfect pumpkins. Ali's hand found Ashlyn's and she took a moment to greet her wife.

"Baby, how are you feeling?" Ali asked. She leaned into her wife as the two watched their younger children walk through the many pumpkins to choose from. 

"I'm fine, Alex. You need to stop worrying." Ash replied.

"How's your head?" Ali asked. She wouldn't let her wife dismiss her concern so easily.

"It hurts a little. But I'm fine. Really." Ash answered. She was eager to change the subject. "How are those two?" Ash nodded towards Jake and Rachel.

"They're ok, I guess. I still think they are too young, though." Ali said. She didn't try to hide her disapproval from her wife.

"I know, Babe. I know." Ashlyn kissed the side of her wife's head and gave her hand a tug towards their two smallest children. The women let their oldest son have some privacy with his girlfriend, while they helped Lexi and Sam find the perfect pumpkins.

...

The family spent a couple of hours carving the pumpkins and preparing Halloween treat bags for the second part of Jacob and Rachel's date. After cleaning up the pumpkin guts, and washing the carving tools, the kids and parents changed into costumes to go on a trick or treat outing they would never forget.

Jacob dressed up as Superman, which confirmed Sam's suspicion that Jake actually was Superman. Rachel dressed up as a doctor. She wore scrubs and had a real stethoscope around her neck. Lexi and Ali dressed up like princesses and Sam and Ashlyn were tag team wrestlers. Monster looked like a very convincing lion, with fake ears and a mane. The group was ready to have some fun.

...

On the way to their destination, Jacob explained to Rachel why he chose the next part of their date. 

"My family is really important to me, as you already know." Jacob said. He and Rachel were in the back seat of Ashlyn's Jeep. Ashlyn stayed quiet while her son opened up to his girlfriend. 

Jake continued. "I've learned a lot from my parents, and one of the things that our family thinks is really important is to be kind to others and to help people." Jake smiled and looked toward Ashlyn, who was trying hard not to be noticed. "My Mama told me that I should let you know what I'm all about. I thought this would be a good way to show you."

Ashlyn followed Ali's car, which had the rest of the family, into the parking lot of the children's hospital where Jacob had been treated for his leukemia. The family carried in boxes filled with the small gift bags they had put together earlier that day. The group spent the next couple of hours passing out the bags and letting the kids play with Monster. Ali had spoken to the staff ahead of time to set everything up. For some of the children it was the first exposure they've had to any kind of an animal in a long time. Monster's friendly kisses and cute costume was a big hit. 

Monster and his human family had brightened a lot of sick children's day. 

...

This time Ashlyn was the one to drive to Rachel's house. She waited in the car and let Jake walk his girlfriend to the door. Jacob held Rachel's hand and stopped outside her door.

"I hope you didn't mind that we hung out with my family all day. I promise that on our next date we'll have more alone time." Jake said.

"I didn't mind at all. I thought it was really amazing." Rachel answered.

"Good." Jake replied. He was nervous all of a sudden. This would be the time of the date, if things went his way, that he would get his second kiss ever. "So..." Jake said. "I really had a good time with you today. And um...I think you're the most beautiful person I've ever met." 

"I think you're kind of amazing, yourself." Rachel replied. 

Jacob didn't hear the compliment. His eyes were fixed on his girlfriend's lips. Rachel noticed. he watched as the corners of her lips turned upward. 

"So umm, uh..." Jake stammered. "Can I kiss you now?" 

"You don't have to ask anymore." Rachel answered. 

"Oh. Good." Jake replied. His nerves froze him in place. His girlfriend basically told him to go for it, but he was so enamored by her that he forgot to make his move.

"You're too cute." Rachel said. She pulled on the front of his shirt to bring him closer and stood on the tips of her toes to get high enough to reach his lips and kissed him.

This was the moment Jacob declared the date a success.

...

"I gotta admit, that girl is growing on me." Ali confessed. The children were in bed and the couple were getting ready to go to bed too.

"Wow, miracles DO happen." Ash joked.

Ali ignored her wife's tone and continued to explain her change of heart. "Did you see how she interacted with the children at the hospital? She sat and talked to one little girl for almost twenty minutes. The sick girl told her that she reminded her of her big sister. I liked how she wasn't in a hurry. She took her time and really got involved in wanting to bless the kids. I thought that was kinda special."

"She also wants to be a doctor. That's kinda cool." Ash replied.

"Did she say that? I thought it was just a costume." 

"She said she wants to be a pediatric surgeon. She wants to help sick kids." Ash answered.

The girl was making it more and more difficult for Ali to dislike her.

Ali decided to change the subject. "Baby, how's your head? I've been worrying about you all day."

"And I've been telling you all day that I'm fine. I just have a dull headache. I'm sure it will go away by tomorrow morning. No worries, Babe." Ash replied.

"Haven't you learned by now?" Ali pulled the comforter down and got into bed to join her wife. "I will always worry about you, my love. What I worry about just depends on the day...but I will always worry about you. So get used to it." 

Ali gave her wife a kiss and then settled into her side, where she would stay for the night. Ash pulled her into an affectionate embrace and they both drifted off to sleep.


	156. Broken Lines (Part One)

Jake heard his Mom walk past his room. He was texting his girlfriend but quickly tossed his phone on his bed to try and talk to Ali. He needed to ask her a favor and didn't want to catch her at a bad time. 

"Mom!" Jake yelled before he was able to get out of his room.

Ali froze at the end of the hall and turned toward her teenage son who was quickly approaching. 

"Yes?" Ali asked with a bit of hesitation in her voice. She knew he wanted something.

"Uh...hey." Jake said. He didn't really know where to start. "You look really pretty today." Compliments are always a good place to begin.

"My sweet and charming son....What do you want?" Ali asked, getting right to the point.

"I was wondering if we could have Rachel and her dad over for dinner." Jake said.

"Sure. We can set something up for maybe next week." Ali replied.

"Well, I was hoping we could have them over tonight." Jake clarified.

"Sweetheart, that's really short notice. Mama and your brother and sister aren't even home. They probably won't get home until dinner time."

"I can help you get ready." Jacob offered.

"Why are you so eager to have it tonight?" Ali asked.

"Because today is the anniversary of Rachel's mom passing away." Jake said. He wasn't sure if he should tell his Mom about his girlfriend's personal history, but he was desperate to get her to agree to his request.

"Wow. I'm sorry to hear that. They probably wouldn't be interested in coming over tonight, Sweetheart." Ali answered.

"Rachel said she couldn't come over because she didn't want to leave her dad alone. She said he always gets really sad. I thought that maybe we could cheer him up." Jake explained.

"That's really thoughtful, Jacob." Ali said. She sighed as if resigning to her son's will. "If they're up to coming over, we would love to have them." Ali said. "But make sure Rachel doesn't pressure her dad. When people are mourning we need to be respectful of how they want to grieve." 

"Ok. I'll tell Rach!" Jake said and quickly hurried toward his room to tell his girlfriend the news. He stopped halfway down the hall and turned around. He returned to his Mom's side and gave her a kiss on the cheek to say thanks. 

Ali gladly accepted the offering of gratitude.

...

Ali heard a knock at the door and then heard her son a second later run to answer it. She shook her head at his eagerness. 

Jacob greeted Rachel and her father and Ali met them all at the door.

"Hi, Tom. Good to see you again." She shook the man's hand and welcomed them in.

"My wife is running a little late. She has our other two children. She should be here soon...hopefully. Her phone is either turned off or the battery died. It's probably the latter. She lets our little guy play with her phone during long car rides." Ali explained.

Ali instructed Jacob to give Tom and Rachel a tour of the house while she finished up dinner. She was hoping her wife and children would be home soon because she didn't want to make her guests have to wait too long for dinner.

Thankfully, she heard Ashlyn's Jeep pull in before Jake was finished with the tour. She was glad to have a few moments to talk to Ashlyn before dealing with their company.

Ash slowly opened the door. The two children in her arms slowed her down. Both Lex and Sam seemed happy and getting along well. Ashlyn took them to the zoo for one last visit before it got too cold to go. 

"My sweet babies are home!" Ali cheered. She gave each child hug and kiss and sent them to the bathroom to wash their hands for dinner.

Once the kids had left Ali focused her attention on her wife. Ashlyn had snuck a taste of the dinner Ali had cooking on the stove. Ali smacked her wife's butt and scolded her.

"Ashlyn, I've been trying to reach you all day." Ali complained.

"Really?" Ash dug her phone out of her pocket and looked at the screen for the missed calls notification. "Oops." Ash said and put on her best apologetic face. "My battery died. Sorry, Babe."

"It's ok. I just wanted to warn you that we have company. Rachel and her Dad are here." Ali explained.

"Oh. Did I forget they were coming?" Ash asked. She wouldn't put it past herself. Ali says many things over the course of a day and Ash probably only hears about half of it. At least that's what Ali says.

"It's a last minute thing. You're not in trouble." Ali said and smiled at her knowingly. 

At that moment the women heard their company finishing up the tour. Ali leaned into Ashlyn and whispered, "Rachel's Dad's name is Tom." She guessed Ashlyn had forgotten. She had guessed right.

After small talk, and a few last minute preparations on Ali's part, it was time for dinner.

...

Once the children had been excused from the table, things got a little more serious. Ashlyn was completely caught off guard by the subject matter. She stayed quiet for most of the conversation.

"I'm guessing Rachel told you what today is." Tom said openly to both women.

Ali opened a bottle of wine a poured herself a glass. She offered some to him but he waved his hand to say no.

Ali answered his question. "She told Jacob. I'm so sorry about your wife." 

Ashlyn observed the interaction and was in the dark about what was going on. She continued to stay quiet and watched them carefully.

"It was five years ago today that they were killed." He said. Ali didn't know any details. She didn't even know that it was more than one person who had died. 

"I'm so sorry. I didn't know someone else had passed." Ali said.

"My wife was pregnant. Someone attacked her. The guy wanted to rob her and she fought back. He stabbed her. Neither her nor our son made it." He explained. He wiped at the tears that had collected in his eyes and apologized. "I'm so sorry. I'm more emotional today than usual."

Ali reached out for his hand and tried to transfer comfort and strength to the man. Ashlyn poured herself a glass of wine and continued to observe the situation.

"My daughter is the only reason I made it through. I remember the day of the funeral..." Tom's mind took him back five years ago. "...I was supposed to get her ready. I had no idea what I was doing. I didn't even know how to fix her hair. I was completely hopeless."

Ali took a sip of her wine and asked again if he would like some. He said no, and explained why. "After it happened, I was a mess. I drank all day long. I just needed to dull the ache in my chest. One day I woke up and..." The man's voice cracked as he continued, "...my little girl had my head in her lap. She was crying and saying to me that everything would be ok. She was begging that I wouldn't be sad anymore. From that moment on I decided I would never drink again." 

By the time Tom had finished, Ali was in tears, and Ashlyn was working on her third glass of wine. Ali gripped his hand and tried to think of some kind of words of comfort. All she could think about was the little girl he had described. 

"Your daughter is lucky to have you. You must be doing something right, because she is pretty amazing." Ali said.

Ashlyn thought it was ironic that her wife was bragging about the girl that she used to dislike. 

"She is pretty great." Tom agreed. "She told me she wants to be a doctor and go to a third world country and help the poor and sick." He smiled at the thought of his daughter's heart and brilliant mind. "I told her that I would miss her if she did that, and she said right away that she would never leave me. She would always be around to take care of me...." 

Tom paused for a moment and then continued. "You know, ever since she started hanging out with your son, she has cooked me dinner. She sets the table and waits up for me. Even when I show up really late because of work. She waits for me and makes sure I eat. I asked her where she learned to cook all of a sudden. You know what she told me?" He asked Ali.

Ali shrugged signaling that she had no idea.

"She said she googled recipes for the meals that you had made for her and your family when she stays for dinner. I think she really looks up to you." Tom said. 

Ali blushed at the thought of the girl trying to be like her. The adults at the table heard Samuel scream. Ashlyn excused herself to take care of him. She ended up staying outside with the children for the rest of the night.

...

When it came time for Rachel and Tom to leave, Ali gave them both a hug and thanked them for coming. Ashlyn settled for a handshake and Jacob walked them to their car. 

Ali headed straight for the kitchen to clean up and was a little bothered that Ashlyn didn't offer to help. She decided to excuse the behavior on account that the conversation with Tom might have brought up difficult memories from Ashlyn's past. Maybe Ashlyn was sad.

Ali delegated Jacob to bedtime duties. She reminded him that he said he would help out. She told him that putting his brother and sister to bed would be how he kept his promise.

Ali found her wife in her usual thinking spot. Ashlyn was sitting in the back yard on one of the swings from the children's swing set. There was an almost empty bottle of wine on the ground beside her.

"Are you ok?" Ali asked carefully.

"I'm great." Ash said with a bitter tone.

"Obviously you're upset about something." Ali concluded. "And you rarely drink...and you NEVER drink when the kids are around. What's going on?" 

"You were pretty affectionate with Tom earlier." Ashlyn accused.

"What are you talking about?" Ali was offended about what her wife was suggesting.

"Are you guys like...close, intimate friends now?" Ashlyn asked. Her anger was impossible to hide.

"You're mad at me because I was trying to comfort someone who is mourning the loss of his wife?" Ali asked. She couldn't believe it.

"You're my wife, Alex. It's not right for you to act that way!" Ashlyn replied. She was trying hard not to yell.

"Do you hear yourself? I'm your wife! I'M GAY!" Ali said. She figured it should be obvious to her wife that she wasn't interested in a romantic relationship with a man.

"Tell that to all your ex-boyfriends." Ashlyn answered.

"What? Ash I can't even talk to you right now. You've been drinking and your not making sense. You're completely overreacting." Ali said. She left her wife alone in the back yard to hopefully sober up. 

Ashlyn slept on the couch that night. She slept without a blanket or a pillow just to make a point. She'd rather suffer than seek comfort anywhere near her wife.

...

Ali got up early to try and settle things with her wife before the children woke up. She couldn't have slept in any longer anyway. She always had trouble sleeping without Ashlyn by her side. 

She had assumed that her wife slept in the guest room, but was surprised to find her on the living room couch without any type of bedding. It was cold in the morning in that area of the house and Ashlyn was hugging herself trying to stay warm. Ali rolled her eyes at her wife's stubbornness.

She went to the hallway closet and pulled out one of their many blankets and covered her wife's shivering body up. Ali debated about what to do. She could wake her up and cause her wife to be even more grumpy, or she could let her sleep. 

Ali brewed a pot of coffee and sat in a chair next to her sleeping wife and waited for her to wake up. She thought Ashlyn was acting ridiculous, but she could think back to a time or two when jealousy made her react irrationally too. 

Maybe Ash had had a hard day with the kids or something else caused her to be extra emotional that day. They had spent most of the day apart and Ash walked into a dinner she didn't know about. Ali could understand the strange behavior.

Ashlyn began to move around in her sleep. Ali was used to this. It happened every night in their bed. She chose to take advantage of the situation. She knew her sleeping wife would want to cuddle with her out of instinct, even if her conscious self wouldn't.

Ali lifted the blanket she had used to cover Ashlyn with and instructed Ashlyn, in her groggy state, to move so that she was laying on her side. Ali laid down next to her and pulled her into her body, so that Ash was halfway laying on top of her. Ashlyn's head fit perfectly on her wife's shoulder. Ali wrapped her arms around her and held her until she woke up.

...

"Don't you two have a room for this sort of thing?" Jacob asked. He had woken up and was surprised to find his parents asleep in the living room.

"Oh, relax!" Ali answered. "We're only sleeping."

"Uh huh. Sure." Jake replied.

"Why are you up so early anyway?" 

"Because it's time to be up. School starts in less than an hour." Jake informed.

Ali panicked. She checked the clock on the wall and sure enough her son was right. "Crap! Do me a favor and wake up your brother and sister, while I try to wake up your Mama."

"Ok. This is what I get for being responsible." Jake thought out loud. "We could've all slept through school today and been a lot happier."

Jake obeyed his mother with minimal grumbling and left Ali to try to figure out how to deal with Ashlyn.

She shook her lightly and kissed her forehead, which only caused her to snuggle in closer and press her face into Ali's neck. Ali hated having to wake her up and bring her back to reality.

"Baby, we gotta get up." Ali said. "I love you but we need to get the kids ready for school."

Ashlyn groaned and started to move around. There wasn't as much space as usual and she was on the wrong side of Ali. This was the moment she remembered where she was and what had happened the night before.

She sat up quickly, causing her head to pound and making her feel fuzzy. She was trying to focus on telling Ali off, but her coordination and thoughts were jumbled and cluttered. 

The first words she spoke were, "I feel sick." 

Ali sat up and rubbed her back. "What can I do to help?" Ali asked. Usually Ashlyn would appreciate her wife's kindness but her thoughts were beginning to sort out and she wanted to put a stop to it.

Ashlyn lifted up her hand and pushed Ali away. "Leave me alone." Ash rose to her feet and found out quickly that her coordination was still a problem. Ali stood beside her to help her and once again was met with an uncooperative wife. "Stop. Go help your new boyfriend." 

"Ashlyn, be serious." Ali huffed. "You're being ridiculous."

"You're my wife. There are boundaries and a duty of respect that come with that commitment. You can call me ridiculous all you want, but I'm not!" Ashlyn wrapped herself up in the blanket Ali had given to her earlier and chose to go back to sleep, only this time she would sleep in her bed.

...

"Dad she's being ridiculous!" Ali complained. She had left her wife to sulk while she dropped off both sons at their school. She met her Dad for breakfast, hoping that by the time she got home her wife would return to a place of sanity.

"I don't know, Princess. I think she has a point." Ken answered. He was not responding the way Ali thought he would.

"What do you mean? The man was grieving the death of his wife and son. I felt bad for him. I'm not interested in a romantic relationship with the guy." Ali explained.

"Honey, things like this lead to affairs. You might think I'm exaggerating but I would guess that the majority of affairs happen by people who never intended it to happen. They open themselves up emotionally to people that they shouldn't, and then they go too far." Ali's Dad said. 

He was really making her regret coming to him for advice.

"Dad, I'm not going to cheat on Ashlyn. I'm insulted that you would even insinuate that." Ali replied with an offended tone.

"Ali, I'm not saying that you are. I'm just telling you that there are boundaries that come with being married and it's possible you crossed one last night." 

"Everyone around me is crazy." Ali said to herself. She was shocked by her father's opinion. She truly believed she had done nothing wrong.

"Let me put it this way, what if Ashlyn wasn't there? What if no one else was there? What if there's a situation where it's just the two of you and now that you've shared an intimate moment in the past you have an unspoken connection. What if he's having a bad day, or maybe you're fighting with your wife, and now that you're friends you want to help each other feel better." Ken said. 

He could see that his daughter wanted to interrupt him, but he stopped her and said, "What if you hug him, and then you feel an exciting energy between you. In his loneliness and heartbreak he longs for a connection he hasn't felt in a long time...and maybe because it's new and dangerous, it's something that you haven't felt in a long time either...I'm telling you, Alex. No one ever means for it to happen. But it does. Every single day."

"But that's not going to happen!" Ali defended herself and her future actions.

"Why is that?" Ken asked.

"Because I'm married. I won't put myself in that position." Ali explained.

"Princess, you've already started to put yourself in that position." Ken said. "There will probably be many times where the two of you have a chance to 'reconnect.' The fact that your son dates his daughter will make your paths intersect from time to time. And now you have an emotional bond with this man that your wife is not a part of." 

Ali still didn't agree, but she was beginning to understand.

"Listen, I'm not a psychologist or anything, but Ashlyn's vulnerability is something that she protects and has chosen to share with very few people. It's something that is personal and private. And honestly that's exactly how is should be for her. But imagine how she felt to watch you get vulnerable and personal with someone else." Ali's Dad was done giving advice. He watched his daughter's eyes moisten and knew that she had heard enough.

"I didn't mean to hurt her." Ali confessed and let her Dad pull her into a hug.

"I know." Ken replied. There was no part of Ali that would ever want to cause Ashlyn harm.

"I need to go home." Ali said. 

She needed to fix things with her wife.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think?
> 
> Is Ali in the wrong?
> 
> Is Ashlyn overreacting?


	157. Broken Lines (Part Two)

After talking with her Dad about the fight she had with Ashlyn the night before, Ali was feeling guilty about not being sensitive to her wife's feelings. She was eager to make things right. Unfortunately, once she got home she realized her wife was gone.

She let out a sigh of frustration when she pulled into their empty garage. Once she had parked she debated whether she should send Ash a text or not. She knew there was a good chance Ashlyn wouldn't answer. She decided she was the one that had hurt Ash, so she should be the one to reach out and try to make it better.

She pulled out her phone and typed out, "When will you be home? We need to talk. I'm sorry. I love you."

She waited a few moments for a reply and then figured Ash was too upset to answer. She put her phone in her pocket and headed inside. Ali threw her purse on the kitchen table and sighed. The house felt too empty. She filled up Monster's water bowl and spent some time petting the friendly dog.

She heard her phone and recognized the ringtone. She had a new text message. She hurried to find out if her wife had replied. 

It ended up being from one of her favorite people, but not the person she was hoping for. Jacob had sent a text asking if his girlfriend could come over after school. She put the phone back in her pocket and felt worse than ever.

She walked to the couch, where her wife had slept the night before, and sat down. She grazed her hand over the cold fabric and wished that Ashlyn was there to hold her and keep her warm. She hated the distance that her actions had caused. She hated the fact that she hurt Ashlyn.

She heard her phone chime again and remembered that she forgot to reply to her son's text. She checked for the new message and saw that it was from her wife. She felt her heart beat faster. She was actually nervous to read what her wife had sent her. She hoped for the best and then read the message.

It said, "I'm out running errands. I'll pick up Sam." 

"Well, at least she isn't ignoring me." Ali said to herself. She wasn't happy that Ashlyn was planning on being gone for so long, but she couldn't blame her. Ali didn't feel like she deserved for Ashlyn to want to be with her. 

Ali typed out a simple response, "I wish we could talk. I'm really sorry that I hurt you."

She kissed the screen of her phone, as if symbolically kissing her wife, and put her phone back in her pocket. She didn't expect to hear back from Ashlyn. 

...

Ali fell asleep on the couch with her forearm over her eyes and dreamed about Ashlyn. She felt the back of the couch shake and moved her arm to see the cause. Standing above her was her wife.

Ali's eyes pleaded with her to have mercy. She slowly sat up to accept her penitence. 

"Where's Samuel?" Ali asked. She didn't want to fight in front of him.

"He's at school." Ash answered.

"I thought you said you were going to pick him up." Ali said anxiously. She worried that their son was waiting outside alone for his ride to come.

"He doesn't get out for another hour and a half." Ash replied.

"Wait...what?" This was the second time that day Ali had been confused about the time.

"You said you wanted to talk." Ash answered quietly.

"I thought you had errands." Ali said.

"You said you wanted to talk." Ashlyn repeated. She was starting to get impatient with her wife's inability to figure out what was going on. Ashlyn was trying to be the bigger person and give Ali a chance to explain. She was fighting her instinct to run. She came back to make things right.

"You came back to talk to me?" Ali asked. She was starting to put everything together.

"God, Ali! You're driving me crazy!" Ashlyn said, finally letting her frustration bubble over. She left her wife on the couch and headed to the back yard. She grabbed a tree limb and began to do pull-ups. She needed to exert the negative energy that had built up inside her.

Ali followed her feeling absolutely confused. "Ash, you came back to talk but now your doing pull-ups?" 

"I'm trying not to be annoyed by you." Ash answered honestly.

"Thanks?" Ali replied. She wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not.

"Just talk! You said you wanted to talk, so talk." Ashlyn couldn't hide her anger or frustration. She was still hurt and there was no way of covering it up.

In their earlier years of dating and marriage Ashlyn would've kept her distance from Ali until she had sorted through her emotions. Over the years she had learned to try not to run and to face her wife, even when she didn't feel like it. This moment was a sign of love and growth, even though it might not seem like it.

"Sorry, I was asleep. I got confused. I wasn't trying to frustrate or annoy you." Ali said. She was feeling about an inch tall at the moment. 

Ashlyn let out a heavy breath and dropped from the branch. She didn't intend to hurt Ali. Her wife's sad response sobered her up. She was ready to make things right.

"I'm sorry, Alex." Ash said. She lifted the bottom of her shirt to wipe the sweat off of her face and tried to be more open towards her wife. "Go ahead and say what you wanted to say."

"Can we talk inside?" Ali asked. She needed a moment to compose herself, and thought that maybe a cup of coffee and a snack would put her wife in a better mood.

"Ok." Ash replied. Ashlyn wasn't in a talking mood. She was starting to feel bad about how she had treated Ali. Now she wanted to run for another reason. She felt guilty.

...

Ali made a pot of coffee and used some pre-made refrigerated chocolate chip cookie dough to make a quick batch of cookies. Ashlyn had asked Ali if it would be ok for her to take a quick shower. Ali could tell her wife was trying to be more patient and knew that a shower would give her more time to calm down for their talk. Ali was glad to give her the needed time. She also liked that it gave her enough time to bake a snack for her wife.

Ashlyn returned about fifteen minutes later. Her hair was still wet, but it looked like the water had also washed away Ashlyn's bad attitude. She looked more hopeful toward Ali.

"So..." Ali said, drawing out the word slowly. She placed Ashlyn's favorite mug with her favorite kind of coffee at the table. "I made cookies." Ali placed two plates on the table and stacked the warm fresh baked goods on each of them.

Ashlyn sat down and said, "Looks good. Thanks." 

They had taken a small step toward each other.

"Ash, I wanted to apologize about yesterday. I wasn't thinking. Jacob had told me Tom and Rachel's story and he wanted us to help. I swear to you that I never intended to hurt you. The thought that my actions could be interpreted as anything inappropriate never crossed my mind." Ali explained.

Ashlyn didn't say a word. She didn't know what to say. The truth was that after she had sobered up and really thought about it, she couldn't put a finger on exactly why it bothered her so much.

"Ashlyn, I want you to know that you can trust me." Ali pleaded for her wife to believe her.

"I do trust you." Ashlyn finally answered. Ash put her head down and felt like she was the one who messed up. Ali would never cheat on her. Ali would never be anything but kind, which is how she was being when she offered comfort to a grieving man.

"Ash..." Ali reached across the table and took her wife's hand. This simple action woke something in Ali. The night before she had done the same to Tom. She connected her hand with his to try and console him. 

Her dad's words came back to her. It was a privilege for Ali to be the one to see Ashlyn vulnerable. She had the responsibility to protect and to share in the hurt that she felt. Ash gave her that honor. That small action really did mean much more than Ali had realized.

Both women sat in silence. Ali's hand still covered Ashlyn's. Ashlyn still had her head down, refusing to look at her wife, because she felt ashamed for being so fragile.

Ali picked up Ashlyn's hand and brought it to her lips. She knew the simple act of affection would get her wife's attention. Ash looked up at her immediately.

Ali moved to the chair next to Ashlyn, while keeping hold of her hand, and pressed Ashlyn's open palm on her chest. Ali let Ash feel her heart beat and then simply said, "Hey."

It was like pushing the reset button on one of Jacob's games. If he got off to a rough start he would push reset and start over...start better. 

Ash nodded, as if she knew exactly what her wife was doing. She was reminding her of what mattered. Their hearts beat for one another. That's what matters.

"I feel like I messed up." Ash confessed. "I don't know why I got so angry. It just didn't feel right. And I can't explain why."

Like so many times before, Ali knew 'why' even when Ashlyn didn't.

"It bothered you because I unintentionally crossed an emotional line with someone other than you." Ali explained. "I think it was borderline, but I went too far."

"The more I thought about it, the more I felt like I was weak, or something." Ash said.

"Why would you think that?" Ali asked.

"Because, like...how insecure can a person be?" Ashlyn answered. She wanted to cry but stopped herself. 

Ashlyn felt like there must've been something wrong with her if she couldn't handle her wife showing someone else kindness. She felt horrible. She knew Tom was hurting and her response wasn't compassion, but jealousy.

"Baby." Ali leaned towards Ashlyn and hugged her. She held her and continued, "There's nothing wrong with you. You're my wife. You have every right to feel how you're feeling. I'm the one who misread the situation, not you." Ali finished her point by placing a kiss on Ashlyn's cheek.

"I don't know why it hurt me so much." Ash admitted. "I watched you with him and felt like he was getting a part of you that I didn't want him to have....and I know I don't own you, or anything. I just..." Ashlyn couldn't articulate what she was feeling.

"Ashlyn, I get it. I promise, I do." Ali said. She took a cookie from her wife's plate and held it up towards Ash's mouth. Ash smiled and took a bite.

"Tastes good." Ash said with a mouth full of cookie.

"I'm glad you like it." Ali answered. She put Ashlyn's arm around her and leaned her head against Ash's shoulder. Ash held her and rested her head on top of Ali's.

"I'm sorry, Alex. I know you were being your usual wonderful self and trying to help someone." Ashlyn said. 

"Ash, I think what happened is a gray area. It wasn't necessarily wrong but it also wasn't right. That's why we both felt so justified in our opinions last night." Ali replied.

"And that's why we both feel so bad about it this morning." Ash finished her wife's thought.

"Exactly." Ali said.

"Ash, I promise you that I will always try to be mindful of how a situation like that will make you feel. My first priority is you. Bottom line." Ali said.

"And I promise to be more understanding and not get jealous so easily. I'm sorry." Ash replied.

"Stop apologizing! I love you..." Ali checked the time on her phone and said, "We still have forty minutes before we have to leave to pick up Samuel. I had to sleep all by myself last night. Someone owes me some quality bed time....And I'm NOT talking about sleeping." Ali stood up and dragged her wife towards the stairs.

Ashlyn was in more of a hurry than Ali was. She opted to pick Ali up, throw her over her shoulder, and run up the steps to their bedroom. 

Both women were ready to make up in the best possible way.


	158. Baby Fever

"Those are three of the four loves of my life, right there." Ali said to her Dad, as she gestured toward her wife and two sons. The group was outside giggling and making farting noises with Monster.

Ali's Dad nodded and smiled proudly at the group. He had his favorite granddaughter in his arms. Lexi saw what her mother was talking about and didn't try to hide her disgust at the situation. She did not understand what was so funny between her Mama and brothers.

Ali didn't really approve of that type of humor either, but she couldn't deny that her jokesters were super cute. 

"Mommy, why do they do that?" Lexi asked. 

"They think it's funny, Sweetheart." All answered. She didn't want the girl to know that she agreed with her. She was trying to encourage her daughter to be kind.

"It's dumb!" Lexi proclaimed. Her grandfather thought her answer was hilarious. Ali tried not to laugh or smile. 

"We don't call each other dumb, honey." Ali reminded.

"I didn't say THEY were dumb. I said what they were doing was dumb." Lexi argued. 

Ali's Dad held back a laugh. His granddaughter may someday be a lawyer or politician with her debate skills.

"Let's just try to be more positive. Ok?" Ali asked.

"Ok, Mommy." Lexi replied. She didn't want to get in trouble.

The jokesters raced each other into the house. Ashlyn made sure to let Sam finish ahead of her, and closed the door behind them.

"Babe, I need food." Ash declared like a caveman to her wife.

"I need kisses." Ali replied. 

Ash gladly gave her wife what she wanted and lifted Samuel up to give Ali a kiss too. Ash reached out toward her father-in-law and tickled her daughter's stomach before stealing a kiss from her too.

"Baby, you're taking us out to dinner, tonight." Ali informed her wife.

"Really?" Ashlyn replied. This was new information to her. "Where am I taking you?"

"Somewhere kid-friendly." Ali answered. 

"As soon as you decide where I'm taking you, let me know." Ash replied. "Is there anything else you need me to do before I take you out for dinner?" Ash asked. Ali was the house manager, and Ashlyn was more than happy to let her manage.

"Can you please take Monster for a quick walk?" Ali asked.

"You got it." Ash replied. She gave her wife a quick kiss on the cheek before heading to the front door. As soon as she picked up the dog's leash, Monster came running.

...

Ash and Monster were out for about fifteen minutes. Ashlyn regretted not putting on a coat. She was freezing.

Ali could tell that she was cold. "Is my Florida girl chilly?" Ali teased. She rubbed up and down Ashlyn's arms to try and warm her up. "Baby, you're shivering." Now Ali felt a little guilty about giving her wife a hard time.

Ali pulled Ash in for a hug and rubbed her back. "Why didn't you wear a jacket?" Ali was always having to remind her surfer-girl wife to dress appropriately. Even though they had lived in Germany and DC for years, she still acted like she was living on the beach.

"I forgot. It was supposed to be a quick walk. I didn't think it would be so cold." Ash answered through chattering teeth.

"That's like three excuses...which one is it?" Ali asked. She smiled as she felt her wife's body relax against her. 

"I forgot." Ash answered. She let her head rest on her wife's shoulder and breathed in deeply. "You know what would really heat things up?" Ash asked suggestively.

"No." Ali cut off that line of thinking right away.

"Babe..." Ash whined.

"No. You're crazy if you actually thought there was a chance of me saying yes. My dad and our children are all waiting to go to dinner." Ali said. She let go of her wife and pushed her toward the door. "And make sure you grab your jacket!"

Ashlyn did as she was told and helped Sam put his coat on, as well. The family split up between Ashlyn's Jeep and Ken's truck. When Lexi was given the choice of who she would ride with, she chose the Jeep because she wanted to play with Samuel on the way. Both women considered that a huge victory in their recent endeavor to encourage her to be more loving towards her little brother.

...

The family went to their favorite pizza place and enjoyed a fun dinner together. Ali and Ashlyn were able to have a few moments of privacy while Jake played video games and Ali's Dad showed the younger kids how to play skee ball. 

"Look at our littlest babies getting along." Ali cooed. They watched Lexi hand Samuel the next ball for him to roll.

"Yeah, it is pretty sweet. Lex has had quite a turn around lately." Ash replied.

"Ya know..." Ali was ready to warm her wife up for what was really on her mind. She needed to set the stage first. "This is where we first met Jacob." 

"It's where I first met Jacob." Ash corrected.

"You know what I mean." Ali said. "Remember when we first found out about the possibility of adopting him? We weren't sure the addition to our family would work. But now....I mean look at how great everything has turned out!" Ali was not being subtle. Ashlyn was on to her.

"Just say what's on your mind, Babe. You know we're on the same page about this." Ash pushed her wife to spill it.

"When are we gonna have a baby?" Ali blurted out.

"When do you wanna have a baby?" Ash asked.

"Well, after the World Cup, right? I mean that's the smart thing to do." Ali said. She didn't sound totally convinced that waiting was the way to go.

"Uh...wait, do you want to have a baby before that?" Ash asked, confused by her wife's comments.

"I don't know. I just really want to have a baby!" Ali said. She was finally able to be completely honest with Ashlyn about her feelings. She had baby fever and the only cure was a pregnant Ali.

"I think we need to wait until after the World Cup. I know you're anxious, but it doesn't make sense to do it before." Ash replied.

"I know. You're absolutely right, but I hate having to wait." Ali whined. 

Ashlyn put her arm around Ali and kissed the side of her head before saying, "I think for now, we need to enjoy these moments together and with our children. Because as soon as we have a baby, it will all be different." 

"Yeah." Ali sighed. The women watched their children and both of them knew that no matter what happened, they had already been blessed beyond measure. Could life possibly get better?

...

"Mama, look!" Samuel yelled excitedly and ran towards Ashlyn. Ash knelt down and let the boy run into her arms. 

She held him in a hug and asked, "Whatcha got there, Bam?" Ashlyn saw that the boy was holding a new toy.

"Jakes and Lex helped me get it!" Samuel explained. He was practically jumping up and down with excitement.

"Wow, I love it!" Ash said, exaggerating her response.

"Mama, I got it for you." Sam said and handed the stuffed spider to his mother.

"Thank you! I bet we can scare Mommy with this!" Ash said. She knew that was probably why the boy got it for her. He loved being a little prankster with his Mama. He didn't know that half the time Ashlyn warned Ali of what was coming to make sure she responded in a shocked and dramatic way.

"Yeah!" Sam agreed. He was ready to plot a scary trick on his Mommy.

Ash lifted her son up and held him close like he was the valued gift that Samuel considered the spider to be. She had a quiet and sweet conversation with him, while Ali gathered the rest of the family to go home.

The drive home was peaceful and quiet. Ali and Ash couldn't believe it was their children in the car with them. 

Ashlyn made a joke later that night to Ali that maybe Lex and Sam were now pod people, and that's why they were so well-behaved. Ali did not think the joke was as funny as Ash did.

...

"Do you want a boy or girl?" Ali asked. The couple were lying in bed ready to go to sleep when Ali let her mind wander back to the subject of babies.

"Doesn't matter to me." Ash yawned.

"Come on. Think about it." Ali pressed. She laid her head down on Ash's shoulder and let her arm rest across Ashlyn's waist.

"I don't know. I'd be happy either way." Ash replied.

"You want a boy." Ali guessed. "You would just love to have another son side with you and be your best friend."

"That's not true. I have my ways with girls, too. No matter what, I'm gonna be the kid's favorite." Ash joked. She didn't really think that, she was just giving her wife a hard time.

"That's probably true." Ali replied. "You're everyone's favorite." 

"I am not!" Ash denied. "I was kidding about all that." 

"I know you were kidding, but I'm not. You're the most amazing person and everyone loves you. I can't blame them. You're the best." All said. She was getting emotional with all the baby talk, and she was truly grateful for her wife's support. 

"Yeah, right. Remind me of that when I'm having a low day and can barely get out of bed in the morning because I can hardly breathe from anxiety." Ashlyn said. She wasn't trying to be funny. She oftentimes had a hard time believing how highly Ali and others thought of her, because she knew how much she struggled at times just to do life.

"Baby, don't be so hard on yourself. With or without our more difficult times, you're still the best thing that's ever happened to me...and the absolute strongest person I know." Ali said seriously. 

Ash sighed and let her wife's words be given the time to sink in that they deserved. "Thank you. All the good things in my life, I have because of you." Ash said before turning off her bedside light.

The planning had begun. 

And if everything went according to plan, there would be a new member of the Krieger-Harris family soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In upcoming chapters we're gonna skip ahead a little bit for the sake of the storyline.
> 
> Thanks for reading.
> 
> I appreciate you!


	159. The Real You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a FLASHBACK chapter.

FLASHBACK

"You wanna have kids?" Ash asked her friend. Their captain had brought her daughter along for their national team camp.

Ali replied, "Yeah, definitely. Brent and I both want a bunch." Ali and her boyfriend had discussed at length their desire for a big family.

Ashlyn smiled sadly. Wishing she was the one who could have the perfect life with Ali.

"What about you? Do you want kids?" Ali asked.

"Me? Nah. I don't think I'm the parenting type. I'd probably mess up whatever poor child came into my life." Ash said. She tried to play it off as a joke, but Ali could see she meant the words.

"I think you'd be a great mother." Ali encouraged.

"Yeah, right. Can you see me with a kid? I'd probably have it for a week and then leave it somewhere. Or I'd forget to feed it, or something. Besides, I can't even get an adult to love me. Why would a little person be any different?" Ash said. She couldn't see any kind of 'normal' or happy life in her future. Things like that simply didn't happen for her.

"What are you talking about?" Ali said. She literally shook her friend with both hands to try and get her to shake out of her funk. "Everyone loves you, Ashlyn."

"It's not the same, Al. But thanks for trying." Ash said. The tone of the conversation had changed and it made her uncomfortable. The only person she could ever see herself being happy with was trying to convince her she wasn't a total loser. That should have made her happy, but instead it only reminded her that Ali was out of her reach. 

Her straight friend had already found Prince Charming, and her prince was a doozy! He came from a wealthy family. He was brilliant. He was bound to make a difference in the world and would be able to give Ali everything she could ever want...including a happy home filled with children. 

Ashlyn, on the other hand, barely made enough money to support herself and struggled with issues of deep depression and anxiety. She didn't come close to measuring up.

"Ash..." Ali paused and then said "I love you." She emphasized the word 'I' and the sincerity in her voice only hurt her friend more.

"It's not the same thing, Alex." Ashlyn repeated and smiled sadly. 

In her mind it would never be the same thing. Ali loved her. She couldn't deny that, but it was a different kind of love. Like everyone else, Ali had pity on her. It wasn't the kind of love that a person could build a life with. It was the kind of love that gave a glimpse of what could be and then left you even more unhappy to begin with when you realize it could never be.

"Thanks, though. I gotta get going." Ash said. She needed to hide somewhere and hopefully recover from a broken heart. Her best friend had no idea that she had only reminded Ashlyn of there being no chance for a happy life.

...

"Where's Ash?" Tobin asked. The team had the night off and was going out for some fun and shopping. She thought for sure Ali would know her friend's whereabouts. The two were usually inseparable at camp.

"I don't know." Ali answered honestly. "The last time I saw her was right after practice when you and Abby were playing with Riley."

Ashlyn didn't go out with the team that night. While everyone was having fun and unwinding from a long week of challenging practices, Ashlyn was alone walking the streets around the hotel. 

Ali wasn't enjoying the night, either. She had tried to call her best friend several times, but was being ignored. She didn't understand Ashlyn's need to be away from her. Ali was hurt, until she thought she figured out the reason. She thought that Ash must've met a girl and got pulled away for an evening of sex. 

The next morning at breakfast she slapped her friend's back and said, "So, did you get laid last night?" Ali was happy for her friend and thought it might be fun to embarrass her in front of a few teammates.

"What?" Ash asked. She was thoroughly confused. 

She spent the evening doing whatever she could to keep herself from crying. She wasn't looking for a night of romance. She was looking for a night off from her life. She ended up walking around aimlessly and feeling more lonely than she had started out.

"Where did you meet her?" Ali said wagging her eyebrows up and down, insinuating a night of fun.

"Oh." Ash laughed to try to cover up her pain. She decided it would be easier to go along with Ali's expectation of her being shallow, than to face the truth. "I met a girl at a bar." She lied. "We went to her place. She actually made me breakfast so, I'm not even hungry." Ash stood up and left the table. 

Ali had reminded her again that their future together could only be as friends. If someone wanted to be romantic and have a family with you, they don't congratulate you for sleeping with a stranger.

"That was weird." Whitney said as she watched Ash leave the room.

"What do you mean?" Ali asked.

"She wasn't at someone's house last night. She was in bed when I got back to the hotel. She had already fallen asleep." Whit explained. 

"Really? Why would she lie?" Ali asked. Now she knew for sure something was wrong with her best friend. Her and Ash never lied to each other.

...

"Hey Ash, wait up." Ali said. She quickened her pace to catch up with the keeper. Ashlyn was carrying a huge bag of balls to the field for practice.

"Hey." Ash said, once the object of her affection and pain caught up with her.

"So, where did you go last night?" Ali asked.

"You figured me out, Krieger. I was out with a chick."

"Whit said you slept in your room last night." Ali said. She didn't want to waste any time getting to the truth. This was the second time Ashlyn had lied to her today.

Ash sighed heavily and put the bag down by the sideline. She didn't know how to talk her way out of this so she settled for the truth....well, half the truth.

"You seemed to have expectations about me. I didn't want to disappoint you." She replied.

"Expectations?" 

"You think I sleep around. You think I'm some shallow person who uses people for sex." Ash said. Her tone was wounded and self-loathing. The one person she thought the world of, didn't think much of her.

"Ash...I..." Ali was caught off guard. She didn't know what to say. She thought Ashlyn was happy living a life of sex and partying. They hadn't known each other for long, but she thought she knew her friend. She suddenly realized she was very wrong.

"It's fine." Ash gave Ali's arm a pat with her hand and left to join the goalkeepers on the other side of the field.

Ali watched her friend run away from her and felt a deep sadness she wasn't familiar with. 

...

"Hey." Ali said as she stood above Ashlyn.

Ash was lying on the ground covering her eyes from the sun. She had been avoiding Ali for a couple of days. Ali didn't blame her for wanting to keep a distance.

"Can I sit?" Ali asked.

Ash separated her fingers enough to peek through to see Ali and said, "Sure."

"I'm really sorry, Ash." Ali apologized sadly.

"It's ok. That's what everyone thinks about me." Ash answered.

"Why don't you say something?" Ali asked.

"Because that version of me is better than the real me." Ash confessed. "Trust me, Ali. It's true."

"Ash, I think you're wonderful. I know that maybe I don't know everything about you." Ali said and then she nudged her friend and said, "Obviously." She tried to lighten the mood. "But I think I do know who you really are." Ali said.

"You think I'm a whore." Ash said bitterly. "I hope you don't know who I really am."

"That's not true!" Ali corrected her friend. "I guess I always thought you were more of a free spirit, and you weren't interested in commitment and settling down. That's not being a whore or anything. It's just being different." Ali knew she didn't say what she meant exactly right, but she hoped Ashlyn would understand.

"Ali, I'm nothing. That's who I really am." Ash said. She thought she'd clear things up.

"Ashlyn, you're thoughtful and kind. You are a hard worker. Your perseverance and work ethic are inspiring." Ali said.

Ash's response was to completely cover her eyes to try and hide.

Ali continued, "I think you're beautiful." The tone of the conversation changed from Ali trying to comfort a hurting friend, to Ali realizing that she had deeper feelings for Ashlyn than just friendship.

"Whatever." Ash replied. She didn't sense Ali's change of heart. "I'm a charity case for you. Don't worry. You don't have to stick around. I don't want to ruin your camp." 

"Ash, can you please look at me?" Ali asked. She placed a hand on Ashlyn's arm and removed it from covering her eyes. 

Ashlyn shut her eyes tight, trying to maintain her safe hiding place.

"Ash, are you serious?" Ali asked. She would've laughed at the childish reaction if it wasn't for the fact that they were in the middle of a tense situation.

"Fine." Ash sighed. She slowly opened her eyes and met the golden brown eyes of her best friend.

"That's better." Ali smiled. "Ash, I'm sorry I made assumptions. And I'm sorry that you don't know how amazing you are. I think you can be anything you want and you can have any future you want. You deserve the whole world." 

Ash laughed. If only Ali knew what future she wanted, she would've never said those words.

At the end of camp, Ash remembered Ali's words. It made her love her even more, and it made her feel worse than ever.


	160. Choosing Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a FLASHBACK chapter.
> 
> Warning for brief strong language.

FLASHBACK

"I can't believe we're married." Ali said. She had been making this statement ever since her and her new wife tied the knot a couple weeks ago.

"Yup." Ash said. She couldn't believe it either, but she wasn't as shocked as Ali seemed to be.

"I was wrong about you." Ali confessed. She snuck over to her wife's side of the bed and snuggled into her side.

"What do you mean?" Ash asked.

"I thought you weren't the commitment type. Remember?" Ali placed a soft kiss on Ashlyn's shoulder. "Come to find out you're the most committed person I've ever met." 

It was true. Even before they started dating, Ashlyn only had eyes for her. 

"I just never met anyone that came close to you. Why would I want to settle?" Ash said. She was being honest. She wasn't trying to earn points from her new wife. She was simply telling it like it was.

"Aw, you're such a charmer." Ali said and began to kiss her wife's neck. She felt Ashlyn's body respond with goosebumps. Ali moved her hand toward her wife's waistband and began kissing her lips.

Ashlyn grabbed hold of Ali's waist and pressed herself against it. The next hour was spent reliving their steamy honeymoon. 

...

Both women fell asleep after their unplanned morning of sex. Ali started to wake up when she felt her wife trembling.

"Baby, are you ok?" Ali asked.

Ashlyn was trying to hide the fact that she was crying. She turned her head away and held her breath.

"Ash? What's wrong?" Ali asked. She was laying so that half of her body was on top of Ashlyn. There was no way Ash could escape.

"I don't want to disappoint you." Ash confessed.

"What are talking about?" Ali asked.

"It's just this type of stuff...stuff like you and being happy...it just doesn't work out for me." Ash said. She felt guilty for finally bringing up what she dreaded. She was sure that fate wouldn't allow her to be happy. She should never have dragged Ali into her life.

"You need to realize that we can have any life we want. And I've got news for you..." Ali paused just long enough to adjust herself so that she was hovering over her wife. She wanted to see her eyes before she said, "We are going to have a great life together."

"I hope you're right." Ash replied.

"Of course I'm right. Lesson number one in married life, I'm ALWAYS right!" Ali joked. She needed her wife to lighten up a little bit.

"What kind of life do you see us having?" Ash asked. She could believe and hope in anything, if Ali was the one to dream it. She often saw her and Ali on opposite sides of fate's scales. If anyone could balance out her sadness, it would be Ali.

"Well..." Ali said and drew a heart on Ashlyn's bare chest with her finger. "We will be in love and hot for each other, of course." Ash laughed at her wife's first thought of their perfect life together.

"What else?" Ash asked.

"We'll have a big house..." Ali said.

Ash interrupted her right away, "You mean you don't want to live in this luxurious two bedroom apartment forever?" Ash joked.

"I wouldn't mind it, but we need a house with a yard so our kids can play outside." Ali replied.

"You still want to have kids?" Ash asked.

"Of course! You knew that about me." Ali answered. She was worried Ashlyn had forgotten. 

"I guess I always assumed you wanted kids with Brent, because he was the perfect husband/father type. I didn't think you'd want kids with me." Ash explained.

"Ok first, I can't believe we are talking about my ex from years ago while we are both naked in our bed. And second, I want kids with you! How could I not?" Ali asked.

"Al, I don't want to disappoint you but, I don't know if I'm cut out for kids. I'd probably mess them up." Ash replied. 

Ali had two choices. She could either get angry that her wife was dismissing something that she had dreamed of ever since she was a child and got her first baby doll, or she could try to be patient and change her wife's mind. 

Ali chose to be patient. Ashlyn needed to see herself the way Ali saw her. To Ali it was a no-brainer. Ashlyn was made to love and protect others. She often identified as someone who was damaged, but this gave her a greater ability to love and see good in others who felt damaged, too.

There was no doubt in Ali's mind that Ashlyn was going to be a great mother.

...

Ashlyn surprised her new wife with flowers and a knock on the door. When Ali opened the door to find Ashlyn with the floral arrangement she asked, "What's going on?"

"I'm taking my wife on a date!" Ash answered.

"What inspired you to do that? This is so random. I thought you were just going out for a run and you come back with flowers." 

"Well, during my run it dawned on me that I haven't wooed my wife in two whole days. And that just won't do." Ash explained.

"Two whole days, huh?" Ali said and played with a strand of her hair. She looked up flirtatiously and said, "I was beginning to think you lost interest." 

"I could never lose interest in you." Ashlyn put a hand around her wife's waist and rested it on the small of Ali's back. She pulled her in towards her for a kiss. "You taste good." Ash said cheekily. 

"Always." Ali answered and winked. 

"I'm not disagreeing with you, Babe, but I think today the fact that you taste so good has to do with the chocolate still on your lips from the ice cream you apparently ate without me." Ash said. She made sure her wife knew that she had figured her out.

"Hmm, maybe." Ali replied. She grabbed her wife's hand and roughly pulled her inside. "Why don't you make sure to get it all off?" Ali said. 

"I like the sound of that." Ash said and diligently completed the task Ali had given to her. She even checked a few other places just to be thorough.

...

"Baby, were we supposed to go somewhere tonight?" Ali yelled to her wife who was in the bathroom taking a shower. The couple had lost track of time due to there romantic endeavors.

"Oh shit!" Ash cursed. "What time is it?" 

"Almost 7:30." Ali answered.

"Fuck!" Ash quickly jumped out of the shower and wrapped herself in a towel. She felt horrible. "We missed our reservation." 

"My free-spirited wife made reservations?" Ali asked. She was impressed. Ashlyn was usually more of a last minute kind of planner.

"Not that it matters now." Ash grumbled. She sat down sadly on their bed and dropped her head.

"Babe, don't be so hard on yourself. I think it's sweet that you tried so hard to plan something." Ali sat down next to her wife and kissed her exposed shoulder.

"Well, what are we gonna do now?" Ash asked. She was disappointed that she let her wife down.

"We're gonna get dressed and then we're gonna have a great night out." Ali said and then pulled her wife up off the bed, smacked her towel covered butt, and pointed her in the direction of the closet to pick out an outfit. 

Ali was determined to make the most of her wife's good intentions.

Twenty minutes later the couple headed out for dinner at whatever restaurant they could find that didn't require a reservation. Ash had gone ahead to warm up the car for her wife. When Ali opened the door she threw Ash's coat at her. As usual, Ashlyn had forgotten her jacket.

"Put this on, it's freezing!" Ali instructed.

"I will when we get to the restaurant." Ash replied. 

When they arrived at the Italian restaurant Ashlyn hurried to open her wife's door and grabbed her jacket. She carried it in a rolled up ball underneath her arm.

Ali shook her head in disapproval and said, "Ash, it's cold! You need to wear your jacket. It doesn't do you any good unless it's actually on your body."

"It's a short walk from the car to the restaurant. I'm gonna take it off as soon as we get inside. Why does it matter?" Ash replied. 

"It matters because you're gonna catch your death of cold and I'm gonna end up alone for the rest of my life." Ali explained. She made Ash stop ten feet from the door and put the coat on, just to make a point.

Of course, once Ashlyn got inside she made her own point by ripping the jacket off as soon as possible and stuffing it underneath her arm again.

...

After the women had finished eating they waited for the check, for what Ashlyn described as FOREVER. There was a family sitting at the table next to them. They had a new baby and a two year old girl.

The parents and Ali were busy admiring the newborn. Ashlyn's focus was on the toddler, who wasn't happy with all the attention her new baby brother was getting. The little girl was pouting with her arms across her chest and her head down. 

Ashlyn tore off a small piece of a leftover breadstick and tossed it in the girl's direction. She leaned toward the girl and said quietly, "Psst...Hey." 

The girl looked up with an unhappy scowl on her face. She felt that she was being ignored and replaced by her new sibling.

""Hey!" Ash whispered and once she had the girl's attention she made an over exaggerated sad face and then stuck out her tongue. Ashlyn continued to make silly faces at the girl until they were both cracking up.

Ashlyn didn't notice her wife and the girl's parents watching the interaction. Ash was so concerned with making a sad child happy, nothing else mattered.

Ali's heart melted.

The newly married couple ended up pulling up their chairs to the table so Ash could continue playing with the two year old, and Ali could hold the baby and talk to the parents.

Once it was time to go Ashlyn noticed that the little girl's coat was lying on the floor. The two parents were carrying their children to the car and didn't notice the lost article of clothing. She hurried to the parking lot to give it to the little girl and her father.

"You forgot something." Ash said, out of breath.

"Oh gosh, thank you." The man said and shifted the girl in his arms to get a good hold of the jacket. "I'm always forgetting things like this. I'm horrible!" The man turned toward his toddler daughter and said to her, "I'm a horrible daddy, aren't I?" 

The little girl grabbed his face and kissed him and yelled "No!" 

The father smiled. He knew that would be her response. The little girl thought the world of him.

The dad leaned in to kiss her back, but he blew raspberries on her cheek instead. His daughter erupted in laughter. 

"This one doesn't seem to mind that I'm so terrible." He said to Ashlyn. Ashlyn joined the two in laughter and took to heart the man's words and the child's actions. 

Maybe she wouldn't be too bad at the whole parenting thing, after all.

...

"Baby, you forgot your coat!" Ali scolded her wife. It had been two days since they had met the sweet family from the Italian restaurant and Ashlyn had been thinking a lot about the possibility of adding children to their family. 

When Ashlyn heard her wife, she laughed. She felt as if the universe was trying to tell her something.

When Ali noticed her wife's laughter had replaced her usual tendency to complain and make excuses, she knew something was up.

"What's so funny?" Ali asked.

"That just reminded me of that family we met the other day. That's all." Ash explained.

"How so?" Ali asked. She didn't know about the forgotten jacket.

"The dad left the little girl's jacket behind. When I returned it he said he's always forgetting something of her's. And when he jokingly told his daughter he was a bad dad, she acted really cute and made it obvious that he was pretty great." Ash explained.

"That's sweet." Ali replied. She didn't connect the dots to why this was so meaningful to Ashlyn.

Ashlyn further explained, "I've just been thinking that even though I'm not perfect, like you..." Ash poked her wife's side and continued, "maybe I could be a good parent."

Ashlyn got serious with her wife and said, "That dad from the other night, I don't know. I guess I saw that his daughter really knew that he loved her and she loved him too. And that's really all that matters, right?"

"Absolutely!" Ali eagerly agreed. She gave her wife a kiss and pulled back enough to ask her wife a serious question she had been mulling over.

"Baby?" Ali asked. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course." Ash replied.

"You already know I think you're going to be a great mother. That's not the question. The thing I've been wondering about is, if you've had these doubts, then why did you give me that picture when we got married. You drew us with a family and me pregnant. If you were unsure about wanting kids, then why would you give me that?" Ali asked.

"I really don't know. I mean. I guess I know." Ash didn't sound very sure of herself. "I mean, I really do want kids with you. I want you to be happy and I think it would make me happy." 

Ash rubbed the back of her neck and continued. "I want that with you, but I don't feel like I deserve it."

"That's crazy!" Ali answered. "I watch you with kids and see that you were made to love children. I'm serious, Ash! Even that little girl from the other night, you saw that she was hurting and you couldn't help but try to help her feel better."

"It just felt like the right thing to do." Ash answered.

"It was, Baby. It was." Ali took her wife's hand and led her to their couch. She sat down and then pulled Ash into her lap.

Ali continued, "Ash why do you think you felt drawn to the little girl instead of the baby?" She asked.

"I don't know. I guess I know what it feels like to be left out and feel like you don't matter." Ash answered.

"What do you think about helping children who need to be reminded that they matter?" Ali asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, maybe we can get involved with one of those mentoring programs, where troubled or lonely kids get matched up with an adult and they do stuff together. Is that something you might like to do?" Ali asked. She figured that a little more experience with children might make her wife realize that having their own kids would be a great idea.

"Yeah, I guess that would be ok." Ash answered. She actually thought it was a brilliant idea. 

Ali signed them up to help in a mentoring program the very next day.

...

The more Ash and Ali got involved in the lives of the children in the community, the more they realized there was a need for their help. Some of the children's stories were heart breaking. Over and over again they saw the children being punished for the mistakes or misfortune of their parents.

There were days when the sorrow was too much for Ashlyn. Oftentimes they would return home from a day with the children and Ashlyn would fall apart. 

"It's not fair!" Ashlyn cried, while Ali held her. "Those children have been through so much. It's not enough." 

"What's not enough?" Ali asked.

"The couple of hours a week that we help. It's not enough! I wish we could adopt them all and love them....and hug them...and tell them that they're wonderful...and protect them from the world." Ash rambled.

"What's stopping us?" Ali asked.

"What do you mean?" Ashlyn said, confused.

"Why don't we adopt?" Ali said. She always thought that she would have a baby by giving birth, but there are plenty of children who need love who have already been born.

Ashlyn didn't have an answer. She was a little surprised that her wife was willing to take in a child that had a rough past.

"Ash, what's wrong? Are you super freaked out, right now?" Ali asked. She needed to check on her stunned wife.

"I just..." Ashlyn didn't know how to articulate how much it meant to her that Ali would want to help a child in need. Someone who was like Ashlyn when she was desperate for a family to love her. "I think that might be the greatest thing we could ever do." Ash replied.

"We should seriously think about it." Ali said. "Right now we are both emotional, so we shouldn't rush into a decision. We should talk about this after a couple of days. With that said, I think it could be pretty great." 

"Me too." Ash agreed.

This was the moment where the future Krieger-Harris family would start to take shape. 

Ashlyn was right. Choosing to be parents would be the greatest thing either of them would ever do.


	161. The Rewards of Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a FLASHBACK chapter.
> 
> It include a prompt from a REALLY long time ago. 
> 
> Thanks for reading. You guys are awesome!

FLASHBACK

"Baby, be careful. Watch his head! You have to support it. He's too small to hold it up." Ali instructed her wife. 

It was their first moments alone with their new foster children. Ashlyn was trying to remove the baby boy from the car seat they had purchased earlier that day.

"Can you just do it?" Ash asked. She was afraid she would hurt him.

"Then you're going to have to help with her. Be careful with her, she's sensitive." Ali instructed. She ran to the other side of their car and took over Ashlyn's spot.

The two year old girl hated to be touched. Ash and Ali were told that she probably experienced some type of trauma and was afraid she might be hurt again. Ashlyn tried to help her, but the girl kicked and slapped as if Ashlyn's touch caused her pain. Ashlyn stepped away and took a deep breath.

"You should take him in first." Ashlyn suggested. She thought that he might get upset by his sister's struggling. Ali agreed.

It took a few minutes for Ali to properly remove the baby from the car seat and carry in the diaper bag they had bought and packed for him. Once she had successfully made it inside, Ashlyn tried again with the little girl.

"Ok." Ash calmly said. She looked the little girl in the eye and said, "I promise you that I will never hurt you. I already love you. I promise you that I always will." Ashlyn knew the girl couldn't understand her, but she still needed her to hear it. 

Ash prepared herself and unbuckled her from her seat. She held her close to her body to try and prevent her from moving. Since the small girl couldn't move her arms or legs she settled for biting Ashlyn's neck. Ash hurried into the house and set her down. 

Ali watched and wondered why her wife was in such a hurry to get the girl out of her hands, but the reason became obvious when she saw her wife's neck was bleeding. 

"What happened?" Ali asked. She was slightly bouncing up and down to create a comforting rhythm for the baby boy in her arms.

"She bit me." Ash said.

It was clear to Ali that her wife was hurt, but the wound was much deeper than the little girl's teeth marks revealed. She second guessed whether or not they were doing the right thing. 

Maybe these kids' issues were too big for them to handle.

...

Ashlyn slept on the floor in the little girl's room. She didn't want to scare her, but she felt that leaving her alone might scare her more. Ali slept in a rocking chair in the baby's room. The boy woke up crying every hour. He was in obvious pain, and Ali felt helpless. 

During that first night with the children, Ashlyn could hear the baby's cries. Once she knew his sister was peacefully sleeping, she left to help her wife.

Ashlyn found her wife standing over the baby's crib and watching him sleep. Her heart was breaking, knowing that he was suffering. Ashlyn tapped her on the shoulder to let her know she was there. Ali turned around and fell forward into her wife's arms.

"I know he's suffering. Every time I try to feed him he gets sicker. What are we going to do?" Ali cried. She felt like a failure as a mother. Feeding your child is the most basic thing a mother should be able to do.

"Let's switch rooms for the rest of the night. I'll sit in here with him, and you can take a break and sit with our vampire daughter." Ash joked.

Ali couldn't help but laugh. She kissed the teeth marks on her wife's neck and then gave her wife a real kiss. 

"Are we gonna make it through this?" Ali asked.

"I hope so." Ash answered. She couldn't pretend to be confident. They were having a rough first day of parenthood.

The baby began to squirm in his crib. Ashlyn nodded at her wife as if to say, "I've got this." Ali nodded back as if to say, "Thank you."

Ash lifted the boy out of his crib, being careful to support his head, and held him against her chest. 

She whispered, "I love you. Do you know that?" She kissed his head and continued to encourage him. "You're not feeling good right now, but I bet you're stronger than all of us, aren't you? You're my boy. My son." 

Ashlyn's voice trembled. "You're gonna make it, buddy." She inhaled sharply and slowly exhaled. 

"Ok?" She added. "We're all gonna make it, together."

...

A week later, Ali's Mom flew into DC to help the couple with their new family. Ali was beyond grateful for her mother's help.

"Mom, thank you for coming." Ali said and gave her a big hug. "Sorry we couldn't pick you up. It's hard for us to get out." 

"No problem, honey." Deb said. She squeezed her daughter tightly and tried to reassure her that everything would be ok. "Where's Ashlyn?" 

"She's taking a nap with the kids. She barely slept last night. She couldn't bare to leave Samuel's side." Ali explained.

"Samuel?" Ali's Mom said. "You decided to name them?" 

"Yeah, it needed to happen. We tried to get Lexi to tell us their names, but she hasn't spoken to either of us. She seems to respond to Lexi. We didn't really know what else to do." Ali replied.

"Can I ask you something? And I hope you don't take this the wrong way." Deb said.

"Umm...ok." Ali replied. She wasn't sure she would like where this was going.

"Why foster kids?" Deb asked. From her perspective it was a fair question. "I mean, these children are obviously very troubled. I just wonder if it would've been easier to adopt a healthy newborn and start off with a clean slate. Having a child is hard enough as it is." 

"Ash and I originally thought we would adopt a newborn. But after a lot of thought and realizing that we really wanted to help hurting kids, fostering seemed the way to go." Ali answered. There was more to it. Ashlyn's history, for instance. But she didn't want her Mom to think Ashlyn was forcing her into it.

"So, let's say this goes well." Deb replied. "Let's say these kids get better. Then what? Are you going to adopt them?"

"That's what we're hoping for, but nothing is guaranteed. A family member could come into the picture and take them." Ali explained.

"There just seems to be a lot of potential for heartbreak." Deb said.

"It's risky. That's true. But there are so many kids that if they are lucky enough to even find a foster home, they usually get moved around and never really get a chance to have a family. They need love, too." Ali was noticeably emotional, thinking about the children who would never know what it's like to be loved.

"Why two children? Why not try just one and then go from there?" 

The only way Ali could answer that question was to mention Ashlyn's past. Her Mom already knew some of it, but she didn't know all of it.

"Well, honestly..." Ali lowered her voice, just in case her wife was awake. "Ashlyn and her brother grew up in the foster care system. When we decided to go this route, we also decided to try and take in siblings, because Ashlyn spent a lot of time separated from her brother." 

Ali almost forgot she was talking to her mother. She was consumed with the thought of what her wife had endured as a child. "Her brother was her only family for a long time, and when they were apart she felt alone and scared. We wanted to make sure to help other siblings stay together, so that they wouldn't have to go through that."

Ali didn't know what to expect from her mother. Her Mom was truly a kind and loving person, but this was a lot to take. 

"I think it's a wonderful thing that you are doing this. I worry about you, of course. But I'm also..." Deb wiped at a tear from her eye and added, "I'm so proud of you."

Ali let out a sigh of relief and smiled at her Mom's approval. 

"So..." Ali's Mom said excitedly. "When do I get to meet my new grandkids?" 

...

It took some time, but once the children had learned to trust and love Ali and Ashlyn, it was clear that the couple had made the right choice. 

The risk was was great, but the reward was much greater.


	162. Vengeance (Part One)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next few chapters might get a little intense.
> 
> Warning for strong language and violence.

Ashlyn and Ali drove home from Ali's doctor appointment in complete silence. Ash drove and stole a glance at her wife every few minutes to make sure she was ok. It was clear that Ali didn't want to talk.

Once they had arrived home, and Ashlyn pulled into the garage, she decided to try her luck with her wife. She knew that as soon as they stepped inside their house they would be hindered by their children to freely speak. Ash needed to get her wife to open up.

She looked toward Ali and asked, "What are we going to do?" 

Ali unbuckled her seatbelt and turned her face AWAY from her wife. She leaned against the cold glass of the passenger door window and simply said, "I don't know." 

Ali lightly grazed her fingers over the door handle and took her time deciding if she was going to give her wife a chance to discuss a possible solution to their problem. 

She decided against it.

Ashlyn watched her pull on the door handle and leave without saying another word. Ashlyn took a breath to try and settle her nerves. Ali wasn't being fair. She was expecting too much from Ashlyn. She was looking for Ash to fix something that she had no control over.

Ashlyn slowly opened her own door and made her way inside. 

Ali was in the kitchen rummaging through the pantry looking for something to make for dinner. She knew Ashlyn was standing behind her and chose to ignore her.

"Babe, we need to talk about this." Ash said. She kept her distance, knowing that Ali didn't want to be near her at the moment.

"What's there to talk about? I have a slim chance of getting pregnant, and the longer we wait the more difficult it will become. You want to wait... You're basically telling me to give up."

"I'm not telling you to give up. I said MAYBE we should wait. I didn't know this would happen. It's not fair for you to expect me to have the right answers to fix this." Ashlyn defended herself.

"Just admit it, Ashlyn! You never wanted this baby! You've been wanting me to put it off for longer than I can even remember. So now you got your way. I'm sure your happy!" Ali yelled.

"What are you talking about? I didn't want you to put it off. We agreed it was smart to wait until after the World Cup. How is this my fault?" Ash asked.

"Ever since we got married you didn't want me to have a baby!" Ali accused.

"You're wrong, Alex!" Ashlyn shouted back. She was trying to be understanding. She was trying to be calm, but her wife was accusing her of things that simply weren't true.

"Just because you never wanted to be a mother doesn't give you the right to dictate what I do with my body. This is my decision." Ali said.

"What are you talking about?" Ashlyn asked. The thought of Ali thinking that she didn't want to be a mother was too much. Ashlyn loved her children. She could never regret being their mother.

"You can't understand my desire to have a baby. That's something I've wanted since I was a little girl. I'm sorry that you can't comprehend that." Ali started to cry and then added, "I can't talk to you, right now."

Ali left Ashlyn hurt and angry.

...

Ashlyn retreated to Samuel's slide for some privacy. It wasn't fair for Ali to put this on her. She couldn't tell Ali what to do. Whatever she suggested would mean telling her wife to give up on a dream she's had since she was a kid. If she encourages her to try to have a baby, she would miss the World Cup. On the other hand, if she pushes for her to wait, she may miss her chance to get pregnant. Ash couldn't be the one to make that decision. 

"Mama?"

Ashlyn's thoughts were interrupted by her son's voice. She wiped at a few stray tears and said, "Yeah, Jake?"

"Can I talk to you?" He asked.

"Of course." Ash said and slowly stood up to show him he had her full attention.

"Is Mom alright?" He asked.

"Yeah, she just had a hard day." Ash replied.

"Are you alright?" Jake asked softly. He stepped towards her and grabbed for her hand.

"I had a hard day, too." She answered. She sat down on the ground and leaned against the oak tree. She closed her eyes and tipped her head back. 

He sat next to her and asked, "Is Mom gonna have a baby?" 

"Where did you hear that?" Ash asked. She had a good idea, but wanted to make sure.

"I heard you and Mom fighting." 

"Oh...Sorry you heard that. We weren't gonna tell you kids until we knew for sure." Ash explained.

"Why does she want a baby? You guys already have three kids." Jake asked.

"It's not the same. She wants to give birth." Ash explained. 

Unfortunately, she was tired and her thoughts were absolute chaos spinning around in her head. If she would've been in a better place mentally she would have answered differently.

"You mean, we're not her real kids." Jacob stated.

"No! That's not what I mean!" Ashlyn quickly set the record straight. "She has always wanted to go through the process of having a child. Personally, I think she's crazy. But it's her decision. You, Lex, and Sam are as much our 'real' kids as anyone could ever be." 

"The baby won't look like us." Jake said. "We won't be related."

"I won't be related, either." Ash mumbled under her breath. She hadn't told Ali that she didn't like the fact that the baby would be partially from Ali and have nothing from Ashlyn. She hated the idea of thinking a stranger somewhere in the world was going to be her child's father.

"Um...maybe..." Jacob was about to make a suggestion that only made sense to a confused fourteen year old. He had no idea how wrong his next few words were. "Maybe my dad could get Mom pregnant. That way the baby will be half related to us." 

"What did you just say?" Ash asked. She needed to make sure she heard him correctly.

"My Dad. He will do anything if you give him money." Jacob explained. He thought he had come up with a possible solution.

"Your father is still around?" Ash asked. She tried to remain calm.

"Yeah."

"Have you seen him recently?" Ash asked.

Jacob had finally picked up on the seriousness of the situation. His mother seemed angry.

"Rach and I saw him at that pawn store by the library. We went in to see if they had any old instruments for sale. I saw him. He worked there. I didn't talk to him or anything. I don't think he recognized me." Jake explained.

"Have you seen him any other times?" Ashlyn asked. She needed to know everything Jacob knew.

"No. I mean, not since the day he killed my mom...um...I mean my birth mother." Jacob said.

Ash softened. "You saw him hurt your mother?" 

"Yeah. He thought I had run away, but I was hiding in a closet. He strangled her and then tried to kill Lex and Sam. Thankfully he was too drunk to make sure they were dead before he threw them away." Jacob said.

Listening to Jacob describe what happened lit a burning fire in Ashlyn. Every word was like gasoline. She kept quiet and tried to control her breathing. Now would be the worst time for her to have an anxiety attack.

"I'm sorry, Mama." Jacob began to cry. Ashlyn pulled him into a hug and he continued to tell her about the worst day of his life. "I should've stopped him, but I was so scared."

"Shh, it's ok. It's not your fault. He would've hurt you, too. You're safe now. He can't hurt you or your brother and sister anymore." Ash promised.

She held him tight.

He was fighting tears.

Ashlyn was fighting rage.

Once Jake had settled down, Ashlyn had two more things to ask him.

"I need you to promise to stay away from your father." She said.

"I will, Mama." He said.

"And I need you to promise not to tell anyone what you just told me, even your Mom. At least for right now." She instructed.

"Ok." Jake promised. He figured that because Ali had had a bad day, Ash wanted to protect her from getting hurt. He was right to a degree, but Ashlyn had other plans, too.

"Listen, look after your brother and sister. I gotta go do a few things. Keep an eye on your Mom. If it looks like she needs anything, call me." Ash said.

Jake agreed and Ashlyn quickly left the house.  
...

When Ali finished making dinner she wasn't surprised that her wife wasn't at the dinner table. However, Ashlyn's absence from the house did surprise her when she woke up in the middle of the night and found that she was still missing. 

Ali didn't know whether to be angry or hurt. She never expected Ashlyn to leave her at a time like this. Ali had said some things that she regretted, but she stuck around. Ash just left. 

Ali wasn't sure if they were going to make it.

...

Ash returned right before breakfast. Ali saw that she had on her clothes from the day before. She asked Ash where she went and Ashlyn's only reply was, "Don't worry about it." 

Ali didn't know what to think. She had never seen Ashlyn act so strange. 

Maybe she really was upset about the high probability of them not being able to have a child. Ali had no idea. She was tired of being the strong one for Ashlyn. Quite frankly, at the moment she wasn't strong at all.

Ashlyn dropped Sam off at school. Ali waited at home for her to return so that they could talk. Ashlyn didn't come home again.

Ashlyn picked up Sam, as usual and took him home. Ali noticed that Ash was wearing the same black hoodie she had on the night before. She was completely confused about her wife's actions. Ali watched Ash make an excuse and leave again.

Where was Ashlyn going?

...

Ali waited up. 

She waited on the couch for her wife to get home. Ashlyn had skipped out after bringing Sam home from school. She didn't give Ali any details except that she had to be somewhere. When Ali pressed for more information she simply said, "Don't worry about it." Apparently that was Ashlyn's favorite phrase lately.

Ashlyn finally came home around 4am. She had her hood pulled up over her head and not much of her face was showing. The house was dark and Ali's eyes had adjusted to the darkness long ago.

Ashlyn was walking carefully to the couch to get some sleep. She ended up sitting right on top of Ali.

"Ow!" Ali said. She pushed Ashlyn up to her feet.

"What the heck, Alex?" Ashlyn said. Ali almost scared her to death.

"What the heck? How about where the fuck have you been?!" Ali was livid.

"Don't worry about it." Ash said.

Those four words were enough to push Ali over the edge. Ali grabbed Ashlyn's arm and was ready to tear into her when she noticed her wife wince in pain. She didn't think she was the cause. 

Ali reached over to a nearby lamp and turned it on, the light revealed that Ashlyn's face was covered in bruises and she was cradling her arm as if she was in a lot of pain.

"What happened?" Ali softened immediately. She thought for sure her wife was attacked.

"Don't worry about it." Ash said again. This time Ali watched her wife's eyes glisten. Something horrible had happened. 

"Baby..." Ali stopped. She didn't know if Ashlyn could handle it if she pressed for more information.

"I'm taking you to the hospital!" Ali said.

"No!" Ash said. She looked scared. "No. I'm ok." Ashlyn tried to gather herself and appear as calm as possible. 

Ali didn't buy it for one second that her wife was ok. "Ashlyn, you have to tell me what's going on."

"I can't." Ash replied. "You have to trust me. It better this way."

Ali didn't want to pressure her wife any more for the night. She chose to put their argument and her questions on hold, so that she could take care of her wife. 

Ashlyn needed her now more than ever.


	163. Vengeance (Part Two)

Ashlyn convinced Ali to wait until the morning to talk and get medical attention. Ali was hesitant but after doing a careful inspection of Ash's wounds it didn't look too serious.

Ali was able to check on her wife's injuries while Ashlyn slept. She fell asleep almost immediately after Ali took her upstairs and laid down with her in their bed. Ashlyn was exhausted, both physically and emotionally. 

The next morning Ali let her wife sleep through breakfast. Once the kids were at school she returned home to face whatever trouble Ashlyn had gotten into. 

When Ali pulled into the garage she was relieved to see that her wife's Jeep was still parked. Ashlyn's behavior had been so strange lately, she was worried she may have left while she was gone.

Ali found her wife, still asleep in their bed, and decided to join her. Ash was laying on her side, so Ali cuddled up behind her and held her tight. She was going to make sure Ashlyn didn't go anywhere.

Ashlyn tried to roll over and press her face into her wife's chest, but the movement caused her injured arm to throb under the weight of her body. She woke up instantly from the pain.

Ashlyn shot up into a sitting position and rubbed at the tears in her eyes. This is the moment she rediscovered the injuries to her face. She had taken a blow to her left cheek and eye that left that side of her face bruised and swollen.

She carefully held her injured arm. Ashlyn suspected it was broken. She moved to sit against the headboard of their bed and waited for Ali to ask the inevitable.

"Ash, what happened?" Ali asked and sat next to her wife.

Ashlyn wiped her face again, out of a nervous habit, and winced at her pain and stupidity.

She exhaled loudly and said in a monotone voice, "Jake told me about his father."

Ali was thoroughly confused, but stayed silent to let her wife speak.

"He told me about the day his birth mom died and his attempt to dispose of Sam and Lexi in the trash..." Ashlyn said. From this point on Ali noticed her wife's eyes and focus drifted to another place. They looked empty. "He told me how he hid to stay alive. How he felt guilty that he didn't try to help. Alex, I held our son as he cried and took the blame for not stopping this man's evil actions." 

Ashlyn turned to look squarely into her wife's eyes and said, "I wanted to kill him."

Ali thought the worst. She added up her wife's strange recent behavior and her unexplained injuries and thought the absolute worst.

"Ashlyn....what did you do?" Ali asked, afraid to hear the answer.

"I didn't kill him." Ashlyn said. Ali wasn't sure if she regretted that statement or not.

"Ashlyn?"

"Alex, I can't explain it. Something inside me snapped." Ashlyn turned away from her wife and stared out into nowhere as she continued to explain what she went through the days before.

"I know what it feels like to feel powerless. I've felt it happen too many times to count." Ash said. "When I was little...I couldn't fight back..." Ashlyn touched her cheek and gently tapped at the inflamed flesh.

Ali watched Ashlyn's jaw tighten. Ash finished her explanation by saying, "...Now I can fight back."

"Ashlyn, what happened?" Ali asked again. She was desperate to find out some more information. She couldn't wait another second.

"Babe, this guy tried to kill our children!" Ashlyn cried. "I promised to protect them. And now this guy is back. He lives nearby." Ash explained.

"How do you know where he lives?" Ali asked.

"Jake told me where he worked. I sat outside the store and waited for him to leave. I followed him home." Ash confessed.

"Ashlyn, how could you do something so dangerous and stupid!"

"You don't understand, Alex! People like him can't be trusted." 

"Ash, your not being rational. We need to turn him in. Let the police handle it." Ali said. She was trying to get her wife to think logically.

"What proof do we have? And who knows? He might be hurting others now." Ash said.

This brought Ali's attention back to her wife's injuries. "What happened to you, Ashlyn? Why are you hurt?"

"It was dumb." Ash said. "I made a mistake." 

"What did you do?" 

"He caught on to the fact that I was following him. When I followed him home last night, he charged at my Jeep and did this." Ashlyn said gesturing towards her injury with her good arm.

"Ashlyn, I don't even know who you are anymore." 

"I'm me. This has always been me. A kid who was broken by evil people. I couldn't do anything then. I had no one to help me. I wasn't gonna let that be true for our children." Ash explained. "I'm sorry, Ali. The first day, I had a baseball bat and sat outside the pawn shop waiting for him to come out. I think maybe I would've killed him, or tried to anyway. But I couldn't do it. I thought about you and the kids...and our new baby. I couldn't do it."

"How did you get away from him last night?" Ali asked. Ashlyn had given her a lot to think about, but her first thought was to make sure Ashlyn and the rest of the family was safe.

"I drove off. He managed to do this while I was still in the car. My window was down because I was trying to be able to hear what was going on outside. I guess I got distracted and he snuck up on me. He hit me in the face and when I tried to block him he slammed my arm against the door. It took me too long to remember that I could drive off. I turned the key and hit the gas...and drove around a little to make sure he wasn't following me...and then I came home."

"You're not going to do anything like this again, right?" Ali asked. She could see her wife was overwhelmed and filled with regret.

"No."

"We need to go to the police. You haven't done anything illegal. You don't need to worry about that." Ali said. She knew her wife was a mess. She didn't expect her to be thinking clearly enough to make the right decision. 

"I'm sorry, Alex."

Ali stayed quiet. She wasn't going to dismiss or excuse something like this. Ashlyn knew she messed up and made a huge mistake.

"Ali, I was thinking..." Ash rubbed her arm and then cleared her throat. "If you want, I can carry the baby. I mean, I don't know if that would be something you'd want, but I'd do it. I just want you to be happy. That's all I want." Ashlyn said.

Ali wasn't even thinking about their baby plans at the moment. She ignored her wife's offer and stood up from their bed. She walked to Ashlyn's dresser and pulled out some clothes for Ash to change into. It was time take her to get the medical treatment she needed. Everything else could wait.

The women agreed not to talk about the baby situation until after the hospital visit and after the police had been informed of what had happened.

...

After Ash got treated for her injuries, Ali made an emergency appointment with their therapist. She asked her Dad to take over the duties of watching the kids for the day. Ali sat with Ashlyn as she explained to her therapist what had happened.

Ali still couldn't believe it.

"It makes sense." Her therapist said, after hearing the story. "You need your family to be safe. That to you is the most important thing due to your past. Even if it seems irrational and dangerous."

Ash felt a little better learning that she wasn't completely crazy. She had started to doubt herself. 

"But can you see how this would make your wife and family feel?" Ashlyn's therapist asked. "That was very dangerous. You aren't protecting your family by taking matters into your own hands and putting yourself in danger. You want to protect your family but your actions endangered them and threatened their happiness." 

Ashlyn listened with her cast-clad arm laid across her lap. She felt so ashamed and most of all stupid.

Ali noticed her wife brush a tear from her eye and felt her heart tighten. She scooted herself closer to her and put a comforting arm around her. Ali didn't handle her side of things well, either.

"Baby, we'll get through this." Ali promised.

"Really? You won't give up on me?" Ash asked. She thought Ali had every right too.

"Never." Ali replied confidently.

Ashlyn's therapist cleared her throat. "Ashlyn, do you mind if I speak to Ali alone?" 

Ashlyn looked at Ali like a terrified child. Ali responded by whispering to her that it was ok. Ash nodded to the therapist, agreeing to give them some privacy. She left the room worried about what was being said about her now that she was gone.

The therapist waited until Ashlyn had closed the door and then asked, "Do you feel she's dangerous to herself and others in her current state?" 

"I don't think so." Ali answered honestly. Ashlyn had a moment of insane anger towards the man that hurt her children, but she came back to her senses before it was too late.

"I believe Ashlyn is struggling for a number of reasons. First, is the most obvious reason. She feels desperate to protect you and your children due to her past. She knows what kind of horror is possible through the hands of a person like your children's birth father." 

Ali nodded in understanding and the therapist continued.

"The second reason, is also pretty obvious. She's a mother. What wouldn't a mother do to protect their child?" She asked.

Ali nodded again. Now that she thought of it, she didn't know what she would've done either.

"Finally, there's the issue of this new baby. Because of how Ashlyn views herself and her upbringing, she may feel like she's being disloyal to your other children. And this would only strengthen her desire to prove her love for your children."

"She doesn't need to prove anything. We know that she loves them." Ali interrupted. 

"She may need to prove it to herself more than anyone else. When you add all those reasons up and combine that with a woman who has a history laced with violence, it's a wonder things turned out as well as they did." 

"You think things turned out well?" Ali asked. How could she even suggest that things turned out anything less than horrible.

"Ashlyn didn't do anything illegal or irreparable. In a lot of ways this is a success story." 

Ali shook her head. She definitely didn't think this situation belonged in the success category.

"Look, are you able to forgive your wife?" The therapist asked.

"Yeah, of course." Ali answered without skipping a beat.

"Good. That will help her heal from this. There were a lot of things stirred up that will be difficult for your wife. But I'm optimistic. She made a few bad decisions, but when it came to the most important decision, she made the right one. She didn't take matters into her own hands, and she came home to you." Ashlyn's therapist explained. 

She finished their time together by setting up an appointment for Ali to come and talk about some of the things she was struggling with. 

Ali was overwhelmed, but was more optimistic after hearing the therapist's perspective of why Ashlyn acted the way she did.

...

The police arrested Jake, Lex, and Sam's biological father for assaulting Ashlyn. They also opened up an investigation against him for the unsolved murder of his deceased wife.

Ali felt better knowing that the police were handling things now.

A couple days had past, and after both Ali and Ashlyn had spent time speaking to their therapist, they felt ready to talk about their family's future.

"Ashlyn, I wanted to talk to you about what you said the other day." Ali said. She sat down next to her wife on their couch. The children were at school and they had the perfect opportunity to speak openly.

"Ok, shoot." Ash replied. She welcomed whatever Ali had to say. She appreciated her wife's efforts and support in the last few days.

"You said you were willing to carry our child." Ali reminded her. "Did you mean that?" 

"Yeah. I mean...if that's what you want." Ash answered.

"What do you want, Ashlyn?" 

"I just want you to be happy." Ash replied.

Ali thought about what her wife had just said. She replied honestly. "Ash, I am happy. I'm really happy."

"You are?" Ash questioned. Things had been bad lately. Really bad.

"The last couple of days have been a whirlwind." Ali admitted. "But I am happy, Ash. How could I not be?" Ali cozied up next to her wife and remembered what normal life felt like with Ashlyn.

"I'm sorry I've made things difficult lately." Ash apologized.

"You were put into a difficult situation." Ali answered. After talking with their therapist Ali understood a little better the issues that her wife was dealing with.

"I freaked out." Ash said. She felt so ashamed.

"I know." Ali said. She let her head fall against Ashlyn's shoulder. "I've been thinking. I think I'm gonna try as soon as possible to get pregnant." Ali announced. 

She felt Ashlyn stiffen and tried to explain as clearly as possible what she was thinking. "If I get pregnant, I get pregnant and deal with the consequences regarding soccer. If I don't get pregnant...if I can't...then it wasn't meant to be and I will still have a great life and family." 

Ali tilted her head upward so that she could see her wife's face when she asked her next question. "Do you think that's something you can support?" She asked it in a way that made Ashlyn feel like she had a say in the decision, but wasn't forced to push her wife one way or the other.

"Yeah. I can support anything you want to do." Ash answered. 

"Baby, I want you to be happy too. What would make you happy?" Ali asked.

"I don't think I should say." Ash answered.

"Why not?" Ali asked.

"Because I don't want to mess things up." 

"Sweetheart, I promise I won't be mad." Ali said.

"I'm not worried about that." Ash replied. "It's kinda selfish." 

Ali laughed and mumbled, "I doubt that." Ash was a lot of things, but selfish wasn't one of them.

"Besides you and the kids being happy...I have been dreaming about winning a World Cup with you. I'll probably be on the bench, so it doesn't really matter anyway, I guess. But I always dreamt that me and you would be on the pitch together in the final moments." Ash shared. She smiled and described her dream in further detail. "We would run toward each other and you'd jump in my arms while the crowd chants USA!"

"Sounds awesome." Ali agrees.

"But I feel like what you want to do, and having a child...I mean...it's way more important and long term awesome. Right?" Ash said.

Ali loved that Ash used the expression 'long term awesome.' It was perfect. They had to choose between two really great things. Ashlyn helped Ali put it into perspective and made her feel better about her decision.

"I wish there was a way for both of us to get our wish." Ali said.

"You never know. Maybe it's meant to be." Ash said. She was beginning to think that somehow things would work out exactly how they were supposed to. 

She didn't know what exactly that meant, but she was hopeful none the less.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am fairly certain that somewhere around the 200th chapter this story will come to an end. 
> 
> I'm trying hard to tie up any loose ends and answer any questions that people may have. (Which is why I wrote about the kids absent father.)
> 
> I will be covering baby stuff, the World Cup, and some future things regarding the family.
> 
> What are some questions or prompts you would like to see covered?
> 
> I want to end this as well as possible.
> 
> As always, I want to express my appreciation in partnering with me on this little adventure.
> 
> Thanks for continuing to read this super long story.


	164. Thankful

"Mom." Jacob continually poked Ali's arm while she tried to finish folding the laundry. "Mom. Mom. Mom." It was a constant and slow prodding. Ali was doing her best to ignore him. Her family was coming in town to join them for Thanksgiving and she had a lot to do to get ready.

"Al!" Ali heard her wife yell from the door.

Ali left the laundry she was folding and followed Ashlyn's voice to the front door. When she got there she saw Ash holding the door open and trying to stifle a chuckle. 

"What's up?" Ali asked.

Ashlyn answered by pointing at their four year old son trying very hard to drag Ashlyn's heavy gym bag to the door.

"He said he wanted to help me since my arm is hurt." Ash explained.

"Did you tell him you can carry that with one arm? My poor little gentleman is wearing himself out." Ali replied.

"He's fine." Ash laughed. 

Ali quickly went to her son's aid and carried the bag, while Sam held on to the front of it, as if he was the one lifting the weight.

"Geeze Ash, what do you have in here?" Ali complained. She was strong enough to carry it easily, but she though it was way heavier than usual.

"Weights." Ash answered simply. 

"You're supposed to leave the weights at the gym." Ali replied.

"Not if you workout at the park." Ash answered.

"Why would you do that?" Ali asked. They had a gym membership and regular appointments with their trainer. Ali didn't think Ashlyn needed to lug around weights.

"Gotta get stronger, Babe." Ash answered and kissed her wife's cheek. 

"Gotta get stronger!" Sam repeated and flexed his biceps to show he was super tough.

"See?" Ash said. "It works for him."

"You're ridiculous." Ali replied. She gave her wife's bicep a squeeze and turned to return to her folding. The turning movement resulted in her running right into her oldest son.

"Mom." Jake said and smiled. Ali knew what he wanted. 

"What's going on here?" Ash asked and nodded towards their teenager.

"Well, our formerly shy and quiet son has come out of his shell today." Ali started to explain.

Jake started laughing at his Mom's explanation.

"And he has been BUGGING me nonstop!" Ali said and put her son in a loose headlock.

"Mom." Jake laughed and grabbed Ali's forearm to try and escape.

"I don't get it." Ash replied. She looked down at Sam and asked, "Do you get it?"

"Nope!" Sam said and pulled on Ashlyn's arm. 

She squatted down and picked him up with her good arm. Sam held on to her neck like he saw Ali do to Jake.

"Babe, you're such a bad influence on our children." Ash joked. She took advantage of the rare opportunity to get Ali back for all the times she had accused her of the same thing.

"Ha ha. Very funny." Ali replied sarcastically. "I told Jacob that we would pick up Rachel after I got a few things done. Apparently, he can't wait another second because he has been trying to annoy me to the point of surrender."

"You should make him wait longer." Ash said with a smile. 

"What? No." Jake complained. He turned to Ali and asked, "You're not gonna do that, right?" 

"We'll see." Ali said and then added, "Maybe if you help me get the chores done we could leave sooner."

"Nice." Ash smiled. She whispered into Sam's ear, "Your Mommy's not just a pretty face. She's pretty smart, too."

Sam nodded in agreement.

It only took about twenty minutes for Ali to finish up the laundry once Jake started helping out. She had to make him re-fold a few items to get the point across that it needed to be done right, more than it needed to be done fast.

While Ali and Jake left to pick up Rachel, Ash built a fort in the living room with Lexi and Sam. 

Ashlyn held a flashlight up to her mouth as she told her two youngest children a scary story. Both children listened with wide eyes. The two would share a nervous giggle and sometimes a hug when they got really scared.

Ali and Ash had recently been trying to give Lexi and Samuel more opportunities to bond and hopefully get along. Lex was getting more patient with her little brother and the women were feeling better and better about the idea of bringing another child into the family.

The fort builders heard the door close and then a somewhat irritated voice.

"Ashlyn!" Ali scolded.

There was no mistaking that Ali wasn't happy. Ash crawled out of the fort to find out what was wrong.

"Ash, my family is coming over in less than an hour." Ali said. She had been cleaning the house all day for their visitors.

"I thought they were coming tomorrow for dinner." Ash replied confused. The following day was Thanksgiving and the Krieger-Harris house was hosting.

"Baby, they're getting in town tonight and stopping by for a visit." Ali explained.

"Maybe they'll like the fort. It's a nice fort. There's room for the whole family. We can even watch movies or play video games from inside." Ash said, trying to convince her wife that their disheveled living room was a great idea while entertaining their guests.

"Awesome!" Jacob said. 

"Wait a sec." Ash said and turned to her son and his girlfriend. "The two of you can not be in the fort alone." She pointed at both of them and added, "I'm watching you."

"Yeah, yeah. I know." Jake said. His mother was half joking and half serious. He wasn't gonna argue.

"Anyways." Ali brought the conversation back to where it started. "None of that matters because you're taking it down."

"Noooo!" Lexi and Sam objected in unison.

"Don't be a fun-sucker, Babe." Ash whispered.

Ali sighed loudly. She couldn't say no to her family's cute faces. Their visitors were going to have to deal with a blanket and pillow fort during their visit.

But first thing tomorrow morning, it would have to come down.

...

The following day started earlier than a normal school day for the family. Ali started getting the food ready and put Ash and the kids in charge of tearing down the fort and cleaning up the rest of the house. 

Ali had set out nice outfits for the whole family. She gave Ashlyn strict instructions on when to get the children to change into them. She didn't want them to get messy before the guests arrived. Samuel was the biggest reason for this precaution.

Ashlyn had already helped Lexi get ready and Jake had been ready for awhile. After watching Jacob get ready in front of the bathroom mirror, Sam begged to comb his hair to look like his big brother. He wanted to do it himself, just like Jake did. Ashlyn agreed to let him do most of it. He stood on his stool at the bathroom sink and used his brother's comb and hair gel. By the end of their joint effort he looked like a tiny business man.

Samuel checked himself out in his bathroom mirror. He looked over at his Mama and knew immediately what was missing.

"Mama, can I wear a bow tie like you?" He asked.

"Sure. We can go pick one out from your dresser." Ash answered.

"Mama, I wanna wear one of your's!" Sam replied.

"Then let's go pick one out from my dresser." Ash said. "Although, we're gonna have to get Mommy to help you tie it. It's hard for me with my cast."

"Did Mommy tie your's?" Sam asked. 

"Yup." 

"She's a good Mommy." Sam said.

"You got that right, Bam." Ash agreed. Ali was without a doubt the best mother a kid could ever have. Ashlyn was proud to be married to her.

...

Ashlyn carried her youngest son downstairs to ask her wife to put the finishing touches on Samuel's outfit.

"Woah, look at my handsome son." Ali bragged.

"He wanted to wear a bow tie. We need you to tie it. My gimpy arm is useless." Ash said.

"It's not useless. It's just a little challenged." Ali said. "Besides, all his bow ties are clip on. Why didn't you just get him one of those?"

"My main man wanted one of mine. What can I say? He has good taste." Ash gave her son a little shake and said, "Right, Bam?"

"Yee-up!" The boy answered, excited that he got his Mama's approval.

Ali finished tying the bow tie as Ali's Mom took the boy from Ashlyn's arms to spoil him with kisses. She told him that she needed his help to taste test some of the desserts. Samuel was more than happy to offer his assistance.

"You did good." Ali said as she cozied up to her wife.

"You're the one who told me what to put on him." Ash replied. 

"Still. It's hard to get him to stay still long enough to get him dressed in nice clothes. Thank you." Ali said and gave her wife a kiss. Ashlyn returned the favor by giving her wife a kiss and pat on the butt.

Ali smiled into the kiss and said, "See...that arm isn't completely useless."

Ash broke off their kiss with a chuckle. Her wife made a very good point.

...

The house was soon filled with laughter and love. The Krieger-Harris home was the place to be for Thanksgiving. Ali's Dad was there, as well as her Mom and step dad. The family invited Rachel and her father. Jake found out that they usually go to a restaurant every year. Ali said that that was unacceptable and told Jacob to invite them.

After everyone was stuffed, Ashlyn had Lexi in her lap and Ali's Mom had Sam. The group shared some of the things they were thankful for.

"I'm thankful for my family." Ali said. She leaned into her wife, who was sitting next to her and squeezed her hand. "I'm thankful that they are safe and healthy." She said and gave her oldest son a smile.

"How did you break your arm?" Rachel's dad asked. He saw the gesture Ali made by touching Ashlyn before saying she was thankful for a safe and healthy family. It peaked his curiosity.

No one but Ali and Ashlyn knew the truth. Both women took too long to answer, so Samuel answered for them. 

"Mama climbed up the tree house and fell down." He explained.

That was the story they had told the children. Unfortunately, that was not the story Ali told her Dad. Ken was never one to butt into a conversation. He stayed quiet but knew that something wasn't right.

After dinner and the 'thankful game,' as Ali called it, Ken asked to speak to his daughter-in-law in private. The two of them decided to take Monster for a walk.

"Baby, put on a coat!" Ali yelled from the living room. She was playing twister with the children and noticed her wife about to leave.

Ashlyn grabbed her jacket and gave her wife a wave before leaving with her father-in-law.

"Ashlyn, how did you really get hurt?" Ken asked. He didn't waste any time to get to the point.

"Uh..." Ash felt like she was about to get in trouble. 

"Ali told me that you fell down the stairs. Sam seems to think you fell from the tree house." Ali's Dad stopped to squat down next to the dog and gave Monster a few pats and scratched behind his ears.

Ashlyn felt ashamed and embarrassed by her actions. She knew she had handled things completely wrong. 

She told him everything.

Once she had filled him in, he said, "You know Ash, I consider you a daughter. You know that." Ken got serious and made sure Ashlyn knew he loved her before speaking the rest of his mind. 

"Yes, sir." Ash replied quietly.

"You made me a promise when you asked to marry my daughter. You said you would always protect her. What you did, was the opposite of that." He said.

"I'm sorry." She answered timidly.

"Ashlyn, that was the first time you broke a promise to me." Ken said.

Ashlyn felt horrible. He was right. She had failed him and Ali. 

"I'm really sorry. There were a lot of things going on. I don't know what happened. I lost it. It won't happen again." Ashlyn promised.

"It better not." He replied. He loved Ashlyn. He knew the best thing he could do for her, was to be a Dad towards her. After giving her a fatherly lecture, he gave her a hug and said, "I love you. You've made me very proud. When you feel like you're gonna lose it, you can always come to me. Even if my daughter is the cause...You should've never put yourself in that position. You're not alone in this world." 

"I know. I'm really sorry." Ashlyn couldn't express enough how sorry she was. "It was the biggest mistake of my life. Nothing like that will ever happen again."

"Alright, I believe you." Ken said. He sighed and said, "Daughters!... They're the worst!... And kinda the best, too." He shared a laugh with Ashlyn, who agreed and hoped her own daughter wouldn't make the same mistakes she had.

...

"Your Dad caught us in a lie today." Ash said as she finished brushing her teeth. After a long day of family, food, and fun it was finally bedtime.

"Yeah, I wondered if he would say something to you. What did you say?" Ali asked. She was already in bed scrolling through her Instagram notifications.

"I told him the truth." Ash answered. She rinsed her mouth out and joined her wife in bed. "He basically told me I let him down."

"He did not." Ali argued. There was no way her father would ever say that to Ashlyn.

"He didn't say that exactly, but...basically that's what he said." Ash confessed. She still felt guilty.

"Ashlyn, what exactly did he say?"

"He said it was the first time I broke my promise to him to always protect you." Ash answered. "And he's right."

"Baby, do you remember when you and Sam were in that bad accident?" Ali asked. She leaned her head on her wife's shoulder and continued. "I was horrible to you."

"That wasn't your fault." Ash tried to defend her wife.

"It definitely was. You remember what you told me afterwards?"

"About what?" Ashlyn was not tracking with Ali.

"When I was feeling really guilty and doing crazy stuff to try and make up for my mistakes...do you remember what you said?" Ali asked.

"No." Ash lied.

"You're such a liar!" Ali laughed, but quickly got serious again. "You told me to forgive myself and that we don't keep a record of wrongs."

"Hmm..." Ash hummed. Her wife was always good at using her own words against her when she was being hard on herself.

"Yeah...hmm." Ali said and poked Ash in the stomach. "I forgive you. I'm so thankful that you're ok and that our family is safe. That nightmare is over. We have to leave it in the past and move on to better things."

"Like getting you knocked up?" Ash said with a much lighter tone.

"Exactly!" Ali said. "Now I know that you can't technically get me pregnant, but I think we should still try, just in case." Ali said and let her hand wander over her wife's toned stomach. When she reached Ashlyn's waistband she teased her wife saying, "Unless you're too tired."

"I'm never to tired for that!" Ash said and showed her wife she was in for a long night.


	165. First Birthday (Part One)

Ali covered her eyes and held her breath as she heard the sound of the saw cutting. Once the noise had stopped, she opened her eyes and watched the nurse separate the two halves of Ashlyn's cast. 

"Ashlyn Michelle!" Ali scolded as soon as she saw her exposed arm. "You scratched." 

"I couldn't help it. It was itchy in there." Ashlyn replied. 

Her arm was covered in scratch marks. Ashlyn had been using everything she could think of to ease the discomfort. She found that chopsticks were the most effective at relieving the discomfort and not causing too much damage to her skin.

Ashlyn flexed her hand and twisted her wrist. She poked at her forearm and made sure there wasn't any residual pain. 

"How does it feel?" Ali asked.

"Pretty good." Ash answered. 

The nurse left to have the doctor take one more look and sign off on Ashlyn's chart so they could go home.

After the nurse left Ali said, "Nice tan lines, Baby. Super hot." She couldn't help but tease her wife.

"It's a new trend. Soon everybody's gonna be doing this." Ash answered. 

She didn't care that her wife was making fun of her. She was overjoyed to finally be able to get back to normal training, and life with two working arms.

...

"Babe, let me hold your hand with my new healed hand." Ash said. She held out her left hand and waited for her wife to fill it with her own.

"Wow, feels good." Ali played along.

"Just wait until tonight." Ash said suggestively and wiggled her eyebrows up and down.

Ali couldn't help but laugh. "It is nice to know I won't have to worry about you accidentally knocking me out when you get overly excited."

"Hey, be nice!" Ashlyn said. "I couldn't help it." 

Ali was referring to an intimate moment they had recently shared that went from HOT to HIT within seconds. When things had gotten heated Ashlyn reached up with her cast-covered left arm to get a supportive grasp on their bed's headboard. Unfortunately she met Ali's jaw on the way there.

"It's ok, Baby. The bruise is barely noticeable with make-up." Ali answered.

"Thank God! Can you imagine trying to explain that one to the kids?" Ash laughed.

"Oh please, I hope we never have to discuss our sex life to our babies." Ali replied.

"We do have a few things to talk to them about, though." Ash got serious.

"I know. I think we should wait, though. I want to be officially pregnant first." Ali said.

"We are gonna have to explain to them a lot of different things that I am not looking forward to." Ashlyn said.

"Don't you think Sammy is too young? How is he gonna be able to understand what being adopted means? And how about the fact that there's a baby inside me that came from a stranger?" Ali said. She was getting more nervous about the conversation by the second.

"I don't know, Babe. All I know is that we have to tell them something. Jake has done a good job of keeping the adoption a secret, but it can't go on much longer. Our little ones are going to figure it out." 

"Especially Lex...our girl is smart." Ali said.

"Yes she is, indeed. My little princess is brilliant." Ash said proudly. 

Ali sighed. "God, I can't wait to have another baby with you." 

Ash noticed her wife's shift in tone. Ali might as well had been pregnant. Her hormones were on overload lately, just THINKING about the possibility of a baby in the house.

"Alright, let's get you home to our other babies." Ash laughed. She felt like if anyone deserved to have a baby, it was her wife. She prayed that it would happen for them.

...

"Sweetheart, what do you wanna do for your birthday?" Ali asked her oldest son. 

Jacob's birthday was three days before Christmas. Ash and Ali didn't want the celebration of his birth to get overshadowed by the holiday season. 

"Uh, I don't know." Jake answered. The family had planned to be in Florida for the week of Christmas. Jacob wouldn't be anywhere near his friends or girlfriend, therefore he didn't really care.

"Your Mama was thinking that maybe we should celebrate a little early." Ali said. She knew what he was thinking. As much as he loved having a close extended family, partying with a houseful of adults that he had only met a few times, wasn't exactly his idea of a good time.

"Really? Like when would we have it?" Jake asked.

"Probably the week before Christmas. Does that work for you?" Ali asked.

"Yeah, sounds good. How many people can I invite?" Jake asked. He was ready to start planning as soon as possible.

Ali laughed at her son's excitement. "We need to figure out what you want to do first, Sweetheart. Then we can put together a guest list." 

"Can I think about it?" Jake asked.

"Of course! It's your birthday. We are so happy to get to celebrate your birth. We are open to anything...within reason." Ali said.

"Awesome." Jake said, as he thought about all the possibilities. He had never had a real birthday party before. 

No matter what, it was going to be a special time for everyone.

...

"Mommy, look!" Sam called out excitedly to Ali. He held up his hand that was holding onto Ashlyn's left hand. "I'm holding Mama's new hand."

"Did Mama tell you it was a 'new' hand?" Ali asked and gave her wife a look of disapproval.

"Yeah, it's a robot hand." He answered.

"Ashlyn?" Ali honestly didn't know what to say. 

"I'll explain to him later." Ash said. "I like holding his hand." 

Ali's heart melted at the reasoning behind her wife's creativity. "Can I hold your old human hand?" Ali asked with a smile.

"Sure." Ash replied. She put her normal human hand in the air and let her wife take it. "But it's not 'old.' It's young."

The three of them relaxed and cuddled on the couch for a good amount of time. Ali listened as Sam and Ash told each other funny and adventurous stories about an imaginary world the two of them lived in from time to time. 

She desperately wanted to have another baby with Ashlyn. Samuel was growing up too fast and soon these type of moments would be gone. They needed another child that could dream along with Ashlyn.

...

Ali, Ash, Lexi, and Sam were in the kitchen baking cookies. Lexi was using one of Ali's recipe cards and teaching Ash and Sam how to follow the recipe and make the delicious dessert. 

Ali came up with this idea to help Lexi practice her reading, and to also help her wife and son improve their kitchen skills. Samuel and Lexi both had oversized aprons on. Ashlyn made chef hats out of construction paper for the group and there was flour everywhere.

Ali tried to let her daughter run the show, but she stayed close for measurements and safety purposes. She also had to make sure her wife stayed focused. It was very easy for Ashlyn and Samuel to get distracted between steps. 

Jacob joined the rest of the family right as Ashlyn and Sam were making cookie dough sculptures. Ali and Lexi were almost happy for the interruption.

"I think I know what I want to do for my birthday." Jake said.

"What's that, Sweetheart?" Ali asked.

"Well, I don't really know how, but I wanna play soccer and do something music related." Jake said.

"You wanna play soccer on your birthday?" Ash asked.

"Yeah, we can invite my team and we all can play." Jake said, gesturing to his brother and sister.

"You're definitely my son." Ash said. She smashed her cookie sculpture and stood up to give her son a hug.

"You're getting flour all over me." Jake complained, but he secretly loved that his Mama was so excited about his decision.

"Do you have any other ideas about how you want those things to happen?" Ali asked. She was the planner of the family, after all.

"Not really." Jake admitted. Ashlyn was still hanging on him in a loose hug.

"You should let us surprise you." Ashlyn suggested. "You give us your guest list and we'll take care of the rest."

Ali gave her wife an approving nod. She knew Ashlyn was great at coming up with big ideas. She secretly hoped her son would agree to it. She really wanted to see what kind of extraordinary event her wife could create.

"Ok." Jake agreed easily. He had never known what it was like to have people love him like his parents did. He knew that anything that was created from their affection for him would be amazing. 

"Awesome!" Ash cheered. 

She gave him a high five with her 'robot' hand and started dreaming up the perfect birthday celebration for Jacob.

It was sure to be an amazing day!


	166. First Birthday (Part Two)

Ashlyn helped Samuel take off his snow boots, mittens, and big winter coat. She took off her own coat and gloves. Team Awesome joined Ali and Lexi in the living room. Ash dramatically laid across the length of the couch and put her head in her wife's lap.

"I'm exhausted!" Ash sighed. 

Samuel climbed up on the couch and attempted to sit in Ali's lap. Ali guarded her wife's face from the boy's butt.

"Sweetheart, don't sit on Mama." She helped him find a good spot next to her and put an arm around him so he knew he wasn't being ignored.

"Babe, we gotta get a snowblower." Ash said.

She and Sam had just finished shoveling the driveway. Ashlyn did most of the work, but Sam felt proud of himself for helping her. He had a kid-sized snow shovel and had been helping her ever since he could walk.

"Baby, you say that every year. Besides, now we have a strong teenager. Why didn't you ask him to help?" Ali asked.

"He's busy working on his music. I didn't want to interrupt the genius." Ash answered.

"I think it would be ok to have him take a break so he can help you." Ali said. She couldn't help but add, "You spoil him, ya know."

"What do you mean?" Ash asked. She didn't feel the same way, even though it was true. All three of the kids knew she was the push over between the two parents.

"Nothing, dear. Don't you worry your pretty little head." Ali said teasingly. She bent down to kiss her wife and felt her cold cheeks.

"Ash, you're freezing." Ali said. She gently rubbed her wife's face, hoping to produce enough friction to warm her up.

"Mommy! Am I freezing, too?" Sam asked. He had both his hands smashed against his cheeks hoping to get Ali's attention.

Ali barely touched the boy's face and then pulled back quickly. "Oh my goodness, you're handsome face is ice cold!" She exaggerated. "I'm gonna have to warm you up!" She said and tried to kiss the entire surface of his cheeks. 

The little guy broke out into giggles and both women soon joined him.

"Mama?" Lexi said from her spot on the floor. She had been coloring her princess coloring book when Ash and Sam came in. 

"Yeah, Princess?" Ash answered.

"Can I help you next time?" Lexi asked.

Ashlyn never thought in a million years that her daughter would want to stand outside in the cold and shovel snow.

"You can help me anytime." Ash answered. "Sam-Bam and I could've used your muscles. Right, Sam?" Ash reached over her head and Ali's lap and gave the boy a nudge.

"Yee-up!" Sam agreed emphatically. "We can have fun!" 

"Yeah!" Lexi cheered and got up to give her brother a high five.

Ash looked up at Ali and winked. Their children were getting along and growing up right before their eyes.

...

"Baby, we need to talk about picking out a donor." Ali said. She rolled into her wife's side and kissed her jaw.

The women were short on private time lately, due to parental duties. They didn't have a lot of time to talk about the next big step they were wanting to take. Ali took advantage of the quiet of night and got down to business.

Ashlyn stiffened as she laid in bed with Ali's weight leaning against her. Ali felt her wife's discomfort about the topic.

"Ashlyn, are you changing your mind about all this?" Ali asked feeling discouraged.

"No!" Ash said confidently. She embraced her wife tightly and explained, "I just feel weird about it. I mean...about a stranger's 'you know' being inside of you."

"Ok, first we're not ten. You can say 'sperm.' And second, what did you think was gonna happen?" Ali asked.

"Yeah, I get it. I really do. I guess it's weird for me. The baby will be part of you and I'm just...nothing, ya know?" Ash said. "And then it's just some random dude. I don't know."

Ali didn't know what to say. If Ashlyn was having second thoughts, or if there was a chance she might change her mind after the procedure, the last thing they should do is continue down this path.

"Ok." Ali finally responded. She rolled away from Ashlyn, turning her back towards her wife.

"Alex, come on. Don't be like that." Ash begged. She put a hand on Ali's shoulder and gave it an encouraging squeeze.

"I'm trying, Ashlyn." Ali said. This answer thoroughly confused Ashlyn.

"What do you mean, you're 'trying?'" Ash asked.

"I'm trying not to cry. I'm trying not to get mad. I'm trying not to let my heart break!" Ali said. Her volume escalated as she finished her explanation.

"Why are you worried your heart is gonna break?" Ash asked. She had no idea where her wife's response of the moment came from.

"Because you've changed your mind." Ali answered.

"No, I haven't." Ash said and pressed her front into Ali's back. She put and arm over her and said, "I said it's weird to think about. I wish I could get you pregnant. But that's not possible...obviously." Ash laughed quietly to herself. "It's just weird. Wouldn't it be perfect to have a little baby that came from both of us? Anyway, I'm all in. I promise."

"Are you sure?" Ali asked.

"Yes."

Ali turned back toward her wife and thanked her for being perfect. They planned to look over the potential donors the next day, while the children were all at school. They knew they needed to make their decision soon or they'd have to wait another month. Ali wanted to get started as soon as possible.

...

Ashlyn and Ali went through file after file of donor profiles. Ashlyn was getting restless.

"Baby, focus. I don't think you're actually paying attention to what you're reading." Ali said and put a hand on her wife's bouncing leg.

"I don't know! How do we choose? Think about it. What if we're meant to have person B's baby, but we pick A. Then there's a kid that should've been, but never was." Ash tried to explain. She was definitely getting loopy from all the possibilities.

"Ashlyn, whatever baby we have will be the right baby. You're thinking too much." Ali took the files Ash was looking at and put it on the table. "I think it's pretty simple."

"Really? How can you even say that?" Ash asked in a sarcastic manner. The options and outcomes seemed endless to Ashlyn.

"It's simple because we pick the guy that has the most characteristics that are like you. Duh!" Ali said. It really was simple.

"You want someone like me?" Ash asked. It was ridiculous that she even questioned her wife's answer.

Ali was in disbelief. It was the most clear solution in the world and Ashlyn had missed it. "Obviously. Who else would I want to pattern the donor decision after?"

It meant a lot to Ash that Ali was so confident about her decision to find someone most like Ashlyn. 

Ash smiled and asked, "Are you looking for a blonde guy? Cuz I was born blonde but now it's darker and I dye it. I'm just wondering how true to real life we're being. I know how much you like my blonde hair. But are you gonna try to find someone who's the real deal?....I guess we can always just dye our babies hair. Do they have baby salons?" Ash joked.

Ali pretended to read from the file in her hand and said, "Tells stupid jokes that no one else thinks is funny." She gave her wife a mischievous look and said...

"Baby, this one sounds just like you."

...

The women found someone that was very similar to Ashlyn. He even sounded like her when they read his 'about me' section out loud.

They set up an appointment the next day to get things started. Ali was going to have to get hormone shots to get her body ready, and then they could take care of the rest. The doctor said timing and listening to Ali's body were the most important things that would make the success of the procedure more likely. 

So far they were keeping everything they were going through a secret. Ali didn't want anyone to know until the pregnancy was confirmed. She dreaded the thought of telling someone that it didn't work. 

Ashlyn was the best wife Ali could ask for during this time. She treated Ali as if she were already pregnant. She would volunteer to do anything that she thought might stress out Ali and her body. 

Ali loved it, but she had to draw the line at cooking for the family. Ashlyn tried to make dinner and ended up starting a small fire in the kitchen. Ali told her that her cooking caused her to stress out, so she was actually doing her a favor by letting her take care of it. 

Ashlyn reluctantly agreed.

There were many days when Ali would feel extra sentimental and frisky towards Ashlyn. She couldn't keep her hands off of her. On one such occasion their oldest son had seen just about enough.

The family was sitting around the table ready to eat dinner. Ali and Ashlyn helped the younger children get their plates ready and Jake took care of his own. After they had finished making sure each child had a balanced meal with appropriate portions, Ali ignored the fact that she had her own seat and sat in her wife's lap. 

Ashlyn was a little surprised but didn't mind one bit. The tipping point for Jacob's patience was when Ali chose to nibble on her wife's ear instead of her baked chicken.

"Ok, that's it!" Jake declared. "You two need to cut it out."

Ashlyn couldn't help but laugh. She knew the reason behind Ali's affection, but there was no way she was going to explain it to their teenager.

"Relax." Ali answered. She had one arm around Ash's shoulders and used her free hand to tease her wife thigh under the table. She was being extremely inappropriate, but once again...Ash wasn't about to complain.

"You guys are gross. And you always give me a hard time with Rachel, and we never do anything." Jake complained.

"I've got news for you, son. We're married. There's a difference." Ashlyn replied. She also grabbed Ali's hand from under the table and held it still, to keep her focused on dinner.

"Fine!" Ali said dramatically, responding to both Jacob's complaining and Ashlyn's move to put on the affection brakes. She left her wife's lap and sat down in her usual chair. 

"That's better." Jake said and tried to think of any topic he could to change the subject. "How's my birthday party planning going?" He asked.

"It's going swell." Ash replied. She purposely gave a short answer. She didn't want her son to figure anything out before the big day.

Ashlyn had come up with an epic idea. Both her and Ali couldn't wait to show their son how the Krieger-Harris crew celebrates their favorite oldest son's birthday.


	167. First Birthday (Part Three)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will cover the birthday party. I needed to add in the other "stuff" involving the baby process for timing issues in the story.
> 
> Also, so sorry for the mistakes in the last chapter (especially the last section). I've been pretty sick the last few days and these updates are happening with short naps in between each sections.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading.

It had been two weeks since Ali started her daily fertility injections. It was time for the next step in the process. 

Ashlyn drove Ali to the clinic and both women were silent. They were nervous, anxious, excited, and a lot of other things. Ashlyn usually would crack one of her dumb jokes at a time like this, but she was unable to think of anything funny. This was serious.

Ali reached across the center console and took her wife's hand. She gave it a squeeze for comfort. She wasn't sure if it was for Ashlyn's comfort or her own, but it seemed to help.

Once they had parked and were ready to take the next step towards a baby, Ali stopped Ashlyn from opening her car door and asked, "What if this doesn't work?" 

"I guess we'll try again." Ashlyn answered.

"I don't know if I could do this again." Ali replied honestly.

"Whatever you want to do is fine with me. But this will work." Ash promised.

"Don't say that." Ali said and took her hand out of Ashlyn's. "There are no guarantees."

"Alex, if it doesn't work, we'll try again. If you don't want to try again, then we can adopt a baby, or not. I just want you to be happy." 

"It's expensive." Ali answered. "Should we agree on a certain amount of tries?"

"Babe, we are getting way ahead of ourselves. Let's just focus on right now." Ash placed her hand on Ali's cheek and stroked it, trying to comfort her nervous wife. The last thing Ali needed was to be stressed out.

Ali had an appointment for a quick surgery to retrieve the egg and then mix it with the donor's sperm. After three days they would return to insert both back into Ali. 

The whole thing really freaked Ashlyn out. But she knew that she needed to be the calm one. She kept her feelings to herself. She hoped the procedure would be successful and knew that if it was, it would all be worth it.

...

Ashlyn was helping Ali cut veggies for dinner, while the children worked on their homework at the table. Technically Sam didn't have homework, but Ashlyn set him up with some water colors and told him to paint a picture for Ali.

"I hate waiting." Ali whispered to her wife.

"Shh..." Ash whispered back. Their kids were in hearing distance.

"They can't hear me...and even if they could they wouldn't know what we were talking about." Ali replied.

Ash felt her wife lean against her. Ali had dropped the knife and carrots she had been cutting, and closed her eyes. She was overwhelmed. 

Ashlyn stopped what she was doing and put an arm around her wife's waist. She pulled her in close and let her rest her head on her shoulder.

"It's gonna be ok, Al." Ash whispered.

They stayed still and kept their tender embrace for a few moments and then returned to the dinner prep. They had to keep things as normal as possible for the sake of their children. 

...

It was the day before Jacob's big party and his parents were busy making last minute arrangements. It was almost better that way. Ali had an appointment that day to insert her fertilized egg. The busyness was actually good for her nerves. It kept her mind off of the medical matter ahead.

"This is so weird." Ash unintentional said out loud. She held Ali's hand as they followed the nurse into the room where Ali would have the procedure.

"You need to stop it with that." Ali said. "You've said that about a hundred times today. This is happening, and it doesn't make me feel any better that you keep calling it weird." 

"But it IS weird." Ash replied. "I promise once there's a baby in there it won't be weird anymore. It will amazing." Ash put her hand over Ali's stomach and tried to imagine their future child.

"Fine. But try to keep the 'weird talk' to a minimum." Ali ordered.

"Yes, ma'am!" Ash said and saluted her wife. She was trying to do a better job at keeping things light hearted than she had done at the appointment they had before. Her wife needed her to keep her calm.

After the procedure the women felt like they had a miraculous and wonderful secret that they were keeping from the world. If it was possible, it seemed to bring them even closer together.

...

The next morning Jacob woke up excited for his birthday party. He hurried downstairs to see what his family was working on. He was a little disappointed to find that they weren't really working on anything. There were no decorations, no cakes being made, or presents being wrapped. He wondered if he had his days mixed up.

Little did he know, the party would not be taking place at the house and everything was going according to schedule.

"There's our birthday boy!" Ashlyn cheered from her spot behind her seated wife at the kitchen table. She was massaging Ali's shoulders and joking around with Lex and Sam.

"Happy birthday, Sweetheart." Ali said.

"Actually, happy day that we're celebrating your birthday." Ashlyn corrected. 

"That's it." Jacob thought. Maybe they were waiting until his actual birthday to do the presents and cake part of a birthday. He had never had his own birthday party before, and the ones he had gone to were on the person's actual day of birth. He figured maybe people who have their party on a different day don't get those things.

"Sweetheart, I made your favorite. Blueberry waffles!" Ali said. 

Ashlyn stopped rubbing her wife's shoulders and back and got the boy a plate. She pulled out a wrapped shoebox from the cupboard and handed it to him with his breakfast.

"This is to get things started." Ash said, as she handed the gift to her son. The wrapping was perfect; obviously Ali was the one who wrapped it.

"Thanks!" Jake said. He was excited to get his first birthday present. He opened it quickly and messily, reminding Ali of Ashlyn's unwrapping skills.

He opened to find a brand new pair of soccer cleats. They were top of the line and he knew it. He absolutely loved them. They were the same ones that the pros wear.

"Jakeys, me and Sam made you this." Lexi said and handed her big brother a picture of him standing next to them. He had a soccer ball at his feet. Sam used water color paint to make the sky, the sun, and grass. Lexi drew the picture over top of the light colors, and they both signed the bottom. Ali had framed it and let the children try to wrap it.

"Thank you, I love it!" Jake said and gave his brother and sister a hug.

"Mama helped me make this." Sam added. He handed Jacob a hand-made crown out of construction paper. Sam colored what he described as fancy rocks on it. Lexi corrected him and said they were jewels. 

Either way, Jake was starting to feel really special.

...

It was almost noon and Jake still had no idea what was going on. Ashlyn had left the house with Samuel to run a last minute birthday errand, and Jacob was left playing board games with his mom and his sister. Ali had asked if he wanted to play video games but he insisted on letting Lexi choose what they did.

The three heard Ashlyn's Jeep pull into the garage and Jacob got noticeably excited. He figured whatever his Mama had been doing was for him. 

He was right.

The first person he saw was Samuel running in to greet them. Sam-Bam did a flying kick and karate chop combo before running into his Mommy's legs for a hug.

The second person he saw was his Mama. Ashlyn had her head turned towards the door and seemed to be motioning to someone. 

That's when he saw the third person. 

"Uncle Kyle!" Lexi jumped from her seat and ran to him. He gladly hugged his favorite little diva and carried her to the birthday boy.

"Happy birthday, man." Kyle said and gave Jacob a hug.

"I didn't know you were coming." Jake replied.

"It's your big birthday party. Of course, I'm here."

Ashlyn butted in, "He doesn't know about his party yet. It's a surprise." 

"Oh...oops." Kyle said and made a gesture as if he was zipping up his lips. Sam watched him and did the same, even though he didn't know what was coming either.

Jacob's excitement and expectations were inflating by the second.

Kyle set his niece down and pulled a box out of his bag. It wasn't wrapped as nicely as Ali had wrapped his first gift, but it was still pretty good.

"You didn't have to get me anything." Jake said. He did not expect his uncle, who he had only seen in person a handful of times, to spend any money on him.

"Don't be crazy! I will always get you something for your birthday. So get used to it." Kyle said with enough sass to get the boy to relax and accept his present without hesitation.

Jake opened the gift to find a brand new camera and photo editing software to take him to the next level in his photography passion.

"Wow!" Jake said in a volume barely above a whisper. Ali was ready to cry. Ash rolled her eyes and brought her overly sensitive wife in for a hug.

"I will show you how to use all of it. Happy birthday, dude." Kyle said and gave his nephew a hug. Jacob was still in a state of awe. He couldn't believe what his uncle had just given to him.

Kyle had basically opened up an entirely new world for him.

...

The family and Kyle were enjoying a quick lunch when they heard a knock at the door. 

"Jake, you better get that. I think it's for you." Ash said with a mouth full of lasagna, which happened to be another one of Jacob's favorite foods.

Jacob got up to answer the door and was surprised to see his girlfriend and her Dad waiting outside. He welcomed them both inside and Rachel, who seemed overdressed, handed him what looked like a small guitar case.

"It's a ukulele. Happy birthday." She said.

"Thanks!" Jake wasted no time in opening the case and plucking at the strings.

"Jacob don't be rude, invite our guests to have lunch." Ash yelled.

Thankfully, Rachel and her Dad were very familiar with the family and knew everything that was coming. They weren't offended by the birthday boy's one track musical mind.

While the adults were talking over lunch, Jake whispered to his girlfriend, "Do you know what they have planned?"

Rachel nodded affirmatively.

"What's going on?" He asked. His curiosity was almost too much to bear.

"I'm not telling you anything." Rachel said loud enough for everyone to hear.

"Jacob Isaac, you better not be trying to get this poor sweet girl to spoil your surprise!" Ali scolded. She was loving every second of her son's wonderful confusion.

Ashlyn checked her watch and said, "It's time to get ready." The family quickly cleaned up the table, and Ali directed everyone to their rooms to change.

"What should I wear?" Jake asked. He didn't want to choose the wrong thing.

"Don't you worry your handsome little head, son." Ash said and tousled the teenager's hair. Jake immediately tried to fix his messy hair before his girlfriend could see. 

Ali squeezed her wife's arm and whispered, "You help the boys get dressed and I'll wait for our guests. Lexi already knows what she's wearing, and Rachel offered to help her with her hair." 

"Awesome. I'll call the limo service and see how close they are." Ash replied quietly so no one else could hear.

"Sounds good, Baby." Ali answered.

Ash gave her wife a kiss and patted Ali's belly. She gave Ali a knowing look and told her that she loved her. It was an intimate moment that would soon be replaced by absolute chaos and loud excited teenagers. 

It was a perfect way to start the festivities.


	168. First Birthday (Part Four)

Jacob cleared his throat to let his girlfriend and sister know he was there. Jake was standing in the hall outside of Lexi's open bedroom door. Lexi was sitting on her bed crossed legged while Rachel stood behind her styling her hair. Both girls had their backs towards the door.

They turned around when they heard Jacob's presence. 

"Hey, you." Rachel greeted.

"Hey." Jacob replied. He seemed nervous. "Do I look ok?" He asked. He was wearing his favorite 'dressy' outfit which was made up of dark jeans, a black button up shirt, white suspenders, and a loosely tied white tie.

"I think you look hot." Rachel complimented. She whispered to Lexi to close her eyes for a second, and then hurried to Jake's side to give him a kiss on the cheek. She quickly returned to Lexi, told her she could open her eyes, and returned to fixing the little girl's hair.

"I'm gonna check on my brother." Jake said. His face still felt warm from the kiss.

"Alright. We should be done soon." Rachel answered.

Jake could hear his Mama and brother laughing from the hallway. He knocked on the door and entered after Ash had welcomed him in. As he opened the door he saw the reason for the giggling. Samuel had decided that he would reverse roles with Ashlyn. He would be the one dressing her.

He had placed several of his shirts over her head. Because of the size they didn't go past her neck. She was basically wearing them like a necklace or scarf. Sam also wrapped a blanket around her so that her arms were trapped at her sides. She was like a big burrito for her son to dress up. 

"Wow, you guys look great." Jake joked. 

Sam covered his mouth with his hand trying to stifle his laughter. He thought he was playing a joke on his Mama, and that Ashlyn didn't know how ridiculous she looked. He felt like a master prankster.

"You're looking pretty good, yourself." Ash replied to her oldest son. 

"Mama, where are we going?" Jacob asked. He had requested a soccer themed birthday, and his family was dressed like they were going to a fancy restaurant or a wedding. It just didn't make any sense.

"Son, if you help me get out of this amazing outfit your brother has dressed me in I might be willing to tell you." Ash said.

Jake was happy to help his Mama out if it meant that he could get an answer to the question that had been driving him crazy. He helped unwrap her and freed her arms. Ashlyn used her liberated hands to grab her oldest son's shoulders and pull him in for a hug and a hard kiss on the forehead. 

"I love ya, son. Congrats on being born!" She said and stood up to finish getting Samuel ready. She acted as if Jake's request for an answer had slipped right out of her brain.

Jacob looked like a sad puppy when he said, "Mama?"

Ash couldn't give him a hard time anymore. Her son's face melted her resolve.

She put an arm around his shoulders and told him, "Why don't you head downstairs and I PROMISE you that everything will start to make sense."

"Ok." Jake replied. He was still uncertain about things, but he was happy to hear that soon it would be a little clearer.

...

After Jacob had stopped by his sister's room again, he and his two favorite girls met up with the rest of the group downstairs. The group had expanded quite a bit since they had left to change their clothes. Now the living room and kitchen were filled with Jacob's soccer team and friends from school. 

Ali's dad and brother were talking to Rachel's dad and Ali was busy checking names off of her checklist to make sure that everyone was there.

"It's my handsome birthday boy!" Ali cheered once she had seen him. 

Jake was stunned. It was one of many surprises that would leave him speechless that day.

Ash and Sam had quietly followed Jake, Rachel, and Lexi downstairs. Ashlyn hugged her son from behind and told him 'Happy Birthday.' She whistled loudly and got everyone's attention. Samuel grabbed hold of her hand with a big smile on his face. He felt like he was his Mama's partner and that they were on a top-secret mission for his big brother's birthday.

"As all of you know," Ash said and gestured to the crowd in her house. "Jake is in the dark about what's going on today. Actually..." Ash laughed and caught her wife's eye. "Most of you are in the dark about all that's happening today. But you do know the first part, which is we are going to party like ballers. On behalf of my wife and I, we feel so blessed to have Jacob in our family. He is absolutely everything we could have ever wanted in a son. He is a light to us all..." 

Ashlyn hadn't really planned to get serious so soon, but the more she thought about her brave son, and all that he had been through to get to this day, she couldn't help but get choked up. Usually at a time like this she could give Ali a look and her wife would come to her rescue, but Ali was hormonal and more sentimental than ever. 

Ash took a moment to collect her emotions and felt Sam tug on her hand. She looked down at her sweet boy and he gestured for her to bend down. He had a secret he wanted to tell her. She knelt down and after he cupped his hands around her ears he whispered his message to her. Ashlyn smiled widely and lifted him up in her arms. She nodded for him to share what he wanted to say. 

Sam straightened up and said, "Jakes is my favorite brother. He helps me...and plays with me...and...and...um...he's really AWESOME!" Sam finished his excited statement with a fist pump and got a lot of laughs from the group. 

Ashlyn was thankful for her son's speech. She was ready to continue her own. "Today is all about celebrating in style. Jacob deserves the best, and hopefully we will be able to live up to what he deserves. Outside there is a Hummer stretch limo waiting to take you to our next stop. So grab your stuff and lets's get going."

"What?!" Jake started bouncing with excitement. "Are you serious?" 

"Uhh...yeah." Ash said with a hint of sarcasm. She wanted her son to know it was ok for him to have big expectations. He deserved the world.

Ali made sure to have her dad, brother, and Rachel's dad, Tom, act as a semi-security team. They were in charge of: #1 Making sure Jake was the first one in the limo, #2 Keeping the kids from destroying things, and #3 Looking tough. Ali said that if they needed back up they could ask Sam to provide the muscle. The men laughed at the joke Ali had stolen from her wife. Ashlyn said it days before when they were planning. She kept that little detail to herself, though.

The kids and adults loaded up into the vehicle and went crazy. There was room on the inside for twenty people and it was loaded with food, drinks (non-alcoholic, of course) and a lot of other cool stuff for the kids to get excited about. There were some speakers in the back hooked up to a turn-table and the kids took turns being the party DJ. Jacob and his friends danced, laughed, and felt like celebrities the entire ride.

Ashlyn and Ali followed behind in their Jeep. Ali insisted that they drive separately with the younger kids for safety reasons. They didn't want Lexi and Sam riding without car seats. At least one of them had to drive separately anyway, because they had a lot of stuff they needed to transport. Ali was kind of glad to have a few moments of peace away from the rowdy teenagers. She was in charge of the next portion of the party agenda and would soon be right in the middle of the energy.

...

The group pulled up to the Maryland Soccer Plex, the home of the Washington Spirit. Ashlyn got everyone's attention and once the kids were quiet, Ali took over.

"Jacob, will you come up here, please?" Ali asked. Jacob gladly stood at his Mom's side. "Most of you are on Jacob's soccer team. He asked if we could have a soccer themed party. My wife and I wanted it to be a soccer STAR themed party. You all know how talented this guy is." Ali gave her son a pat on the back and continued, "We actually feel that he can go far in soccer, if he wants to. We thought it would be fun to give you all the professional soccer player experience today." 

After Ali had said that the guys from Jake's team cheered. Some of the players on his team were also very good and had potential to go much farther in their soccer career than college. The Krieger-Harris kids were obviously more familiar with this type of setting, so when Jake saw how excited his friends were, it made him realize how lucky he was.

"We're gonna start with a tour of the stadium." Ali said and led them through the back entrance. The kids were all dressed up and felt like Messi or Ronaldo walking through the halls before they arrive at an important game. It was like nothing they had ever experienced before.

Ali showed them the weight and recovery rooms. She showed them just about everywhere. Their second to last stop was the locker room. Ali was at the front of the line with Jacob, Rachel and then the rest of the teenagers following close behind. Ashlyn had taken up the rear entertaining Lexi and Samuel. They figured the two little ones wouldn't be as interested in the tour as the older kids. 

When the group arrived at the locker room it was total mayhem. Ashlyn and Ali had made sure every kid had their own personalized locker. There were jerseys folded in each locker with the player's names on the back. Kyle and Ken had separated from the group ahead of time to get the locker room set up for the party. They brought in everyone's bags of soccer gear that Ali had told them to bring. She had instructed on the party invitations to dress to impress, but to bring a bag of clothes and shoes to change into. She also made sure to have them mark their bags with their names, so they could be easily identified. Ken and Kyle were able to make sure each locker had the right stuff in it. 

There was a table against an empty wall that had food, drinks, and Jacob's birthday cake on it. There was another table with all of Jacob's presents stacked on it. Ali and Ashlyn let the teens take a few minutes to find their lockers and check out their jerseys. Ash helped Lexi and Sam find their lockers and got a few pictures of them climbing inside and making faces. 

Ali got everyone's attention after a few more minutes and said, "We are gonna have food, cake and ice cream in here before we play some soccer. Right now all the ladies, " Ali looked at Rachel to make sure she was listening, "are going to the other locker room to change into our game clothes. You gentlemen should do that, as well. When we've all changed we'll get this party started."

The room erupted in cheers. They were ready to really party.

Ashlyn picked up Sam and his jersey and started carrying him out to help him get changed. The boy complained immediately. "Mama, no! I wanna stay with the boys." He whined.

Ash was about to explain to him that it was ok for him to change with the girls because he needed extra help, but to Sam's delight Uncle Kyle stepped in to save the day.

"I've got this." Kyle said. He took his nephew from Ashlyn's arms and made the little boy very happy. Sam felt special because he got to be with the big kids.

...

Once everyone had changed out of their fancy clothes, they enjoyed the food and drinks. Ashlyn led the group in singing 'happy birthday' to Jacob. Everyone watched as he opened his gifts. Jacob couldn't believe that everyone was there for him, and that they all seemed to really want to be there to help celebrate. Ashlyn made sure to have everyone sit at the chair in front of their locker before they moved on to the next part of the celebration.

Ashlyn and Ali stood in the middle of the room. Ali was ready to cry in anticipation with what was coming. Ashlyn knew she had to be the one to do the talking. 

"Before we go out to the pitch to play some awesome soccer, we have two special guests to introduce to you." Ash announced. The kids had no idea who could possibly be waiting outside the room. "The first person is our coach and GM." Ash gave Kyle the signal that told him to open the door and let the first guest in. Mark joined the couple in the middle of the room and gave both a hug. "This is Coach Mark Parsons. He has a few words he wants to share, but first there is someone else here."

Ash nodded to Kyle and he opened the door and in walked Eddie Johnson, USMNT member and start forward of DC United Men's soccer team. The place erupted. Ali's Dad had taken Jacob to see several DC United games. All of the boys on Jake's team knew exactly who he was. 

It took a few moments, but Ashlyn was able to quiet everyone down. She loved that they were excited but knew they had to move on. "Eddie is gonna be around for awhile. He's gonna stay to play soccer and talk with you guys. He also signed some pictures and balls for all of you to take home." Once again the group cheered. Ashlyn and Ali had the same trainer as Eddie. They had been friends with him for a little over a year through the connection.

Ash interrupted their cheering and said, "As amazing and exciting as Eddie is, Coach has something very important to share with you guys." Ash gave Mark a pat on the shoulder and gestured that he had the floor.

Ali moved close to her wife. Ash put an arm around her as Ali tried to hold it together. The tears were about to spill.

"As some of you know, Jacob's parents play professional soccer. Last season there was a ceremony honoring Ashlyn for her bravery and fight against a devastating injury she had endured. It was touch and go for her. The doctors weren't sure she was going to make it."

At this point Ali forgot about the crowd of people around her and put her face into Ashlyn's chest and shared a hug while Mark continued. 

"She struggled, alongside of her family, and didn't give up. The Spirit dedicated their season to her, thinking that she was done, if not for her career then at least for the year. We awarded her with a plaque for her unequivocal courage and exemplary hope during that time. We also had the team and fans wear ribbons with her initials on it." Mark put a hand on Ashlyn's back to let her know that it was time for her to take over.

She rubbed Ali's back and signaled to her that she needed to let her go, at least enough for her to finish the moment as planned. Ali moved to stand beside her but made sure to keep an arm around her waist.

"Son..." Ash said. She smiled at her favorite teenager. He was emotional thinking about all that his family had been through. The room was quiet. Everyone was waiting for what was coming. "I don't think I ever told you that the day Coach Mark is talking about...the day that I felt might be my last day on a soccer pitch...the day that I was challenged to keep hoping...to be courageous...THAT day...That was the day that I met you." This is the point where Ali lost it. Her Dad walked beside her and she turned into his side for comfort. Ashlyn with both hands waved Jacob to come to her. Jake and Ashlyn shared a quick hug before she continued.

"We wanted to give you the award for courage and hope. You have endured so much, son. And you never complained. There are things that are much more important than soccer. But as you know, soccer is still important." Ash said and let a laugh slip out to lighten the mood a little. "Coach?" Ash gave the floor back to Mark.

"Young man, we are all honored to celebrate the life of such a brave and resilient young man. You are an inspiration and a true hero." Mark said. 

Kyle and Rachel's dad began to pass out ribbons for everyone to wear with Jake's initials on it. Mark gave him a plaque of his own, and shook his hand. Eddie Johnson, who had watched quietly was visibly moved by the short and sincere ceremony. He gave the boy a hug and told him that he wanted to get Jake's autograph before the end of the night.

Ashlyn had sensed that things had gotten a little too somber. She wanted to make sure everyone still had plenty of fun left in them. She switched gears and said, "Enough of this serious stuff. Who's ready for some soccer?" 

The team cheered and Ashlyn instructed everyone to follow Kyle out to the field. She stayed behind for a few moments to comfort her wife and to thank her coach and Eddie for taking the time to make her son feel special.

...

Everyone split up into teams. Sam and Lexi played but Kyle was in charge of staying near his niece to make sure the boys didn't play too rough with her. Sam-Bam played goalkeeper next to his Mama. Ken was the ref and Ali and Tom cleaned up the locker room, and packed the gifts and bags into Ashlyn's Jeep.

"Thanks so much for your help, Tom." Ali said as she loaded the last of the bags in the back of the Jeep.

"It's my pleasure. Your family is pretty amazing." He replied. "I didn't know about your wife's health troubles."

"Yeah, she's pretty amazing. She's the toughest person I know." Ali said. Her love and appreciation for her wife were unmistakeable. 

"I love that Rachel gets to see the two of you in action." Tom laughed at his choice of words. "I mean, her mother and I had a once in a lifetime kind of love. Now that she's gone, I'm just glad that she gets to see that between you and your wife." He was sincere in his gratitude, but Ali couldn't help but hear the sadness in his voice at the mention of his wife.

"Your daughter is a special girl. She has been a wonderful friend to our son." Ali said. She wanted to encourage the single dad and let him know that he had done a great job in raising his daughter.

"Thank you. Everything that's good in her, I assure you, it came from her mother." Rachel's dad said. He was ready to change the subject. Things were getting a little too emotional for him.

Ali could tell that he was uncomfortable with showing so much emotion in front of her. He reminded her of her dad. Ken is one of the sweetest and kindest men you will ever meet, but he preferred actions over words. 

Ali decided to make things easier for him and suggested that they join the kids. He was more than happy to oblige. When the two returned to the rest of the group Ali opted not to play, due to her possible potential pregnancy. She didn't want to take any unnecessary risks. 

After the game the children's parents picked them up in the parking lot. Jacob said his goodbyes and told everyone how thankful he was for their presence and gifts. The Krieger-Harris family, along with Ken, Kyle, Tom and Rachel returned to the house. 

It was almost 7pm and Jake was overflowing with gratitude and love for his family. He was about to tell them just that when Ali pulled him aside. She led him to the kitchen and successfully distracted him from seeing Ashlyn and Rachel sneak upstairs. 

"Did you enjoy your party, Sweetheart?" Ali asked. She made sure that Jake's back was facing the direction of the stairs. 

"Yeah. Thank you so much! Today was the best day of my life!" Jacob said excitedly. Ali gave her son a hug and told him that she loved him and that they were glad they could do what they did.

While Ali and Jake embraced, Ashlyn and Rachel carried Jake's guitar, amp, and music notebook down the stairs and snuck out the front door. 

There was one more surprise left for the birthday boy.

Rachel and Ashlyn snuck back into the house and came from behind Jacob to join in on the conversation. They were right on cue.

"I wish we could've gone somewhere with just the two of us." Rachel said. This statement was way out of character for the girl, especially in front of her boyfriend's parents. Jake was horrified.

"What do you mean?" Ash replied. She sounded almost angry.

"I mean, we spent all day with a bunch of people, and I think it would've been nice to have a little quiet time with my boyfriend on his birthday." Rachel said. She tried to sound as rude and disrespectful as possible. Thankfully her dad was aware of the plan.

"Well, excuse us for wanting to spend time with our son. Maybe next time we just won't invite you." Ashlyn replied.

Jake totally fell for it. He didn't know what to do or say. "Mama...Rachel..." He turned to Ali and looked like he was about to cry. Ali couldn't take it.

"Sweetheart, they're messing with you." Ali explained.

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"We're not fighting, son." Ashlyn answered. "We're actually getting you ready for the last part of your birthday."

"Huh?" 

"You're gonna get your confused butt upstairs and change into appropriate casual date clothes." Ali instructed.

"I am?" Jake said. He was too confused to keep up with the women in his life.

"We figured it might be nice to have some more 'grown up' fun." Ash said and then added, "But not TOO grown up." 

The group laughed at Ashlyn's way of putting things. The joke was on Jacob, though. He would have Rachel's Dad and Ashlyn as chaperones for the rest of the night.

...

The final phase of Jacob's birthday was at a local coffee shop. They had an open mic night and Ashlyn and Ali had signed Jake up to perform. Jacob got to share his musical talent with the public for the first time. It would be an experience he would never forget. That night was the moment her realized that he didn't just want to grow his love and gift for music, but he wanted to share it too. 

The audience seemed to agree that he had something worth listening to.

That night when it was all said and done, and everyone had gone to bed, Jacob reflected on the day. He realized that his parents had not only made his dream come true of finding his siblings and one day being a family, but they had also made it possible for him to keep dreaming. Before he met them and found out what it felt like to have people love and support him, he never would've imagined the possibility of being a pro soccer player or musician. 

His parents taught him not only to keep dreaming, but to believe that anything was possible for him.


	169. Cold

Ali yawned over the cup of coffee she gripped with both hands, trying to absorb as much warmth from the mug as possible. It was a cold December morning and she was worn out from the previous day's festivities. She whispered a prayer of thanks that the day before was what could be considered warm for a winter day in DC. 

Unfortunately, it seemed that the cold had returned. She knew one person who would hate it. She hoped her thin-blooded, Florida girl, wife wouldn't complain too much.

Ali watched the snowflakes descend from the sky and thought about planning to build a snowman with her kids. The thought brought a lazy smile to her face. She knew it would only be a matter of time before Ashlyn would start a snowball fight.

Ali's morning thoughts were interrupted by the heavy steps of a half-awake teenager.

"Good morning, Sweetheart." Ali greeted.

Jake returned the sentiment and sat down next to her on the couch. Ali put an arm around him and he sleepily rested his weight against her side. They sat like that for a few moments, while quietly watching the snow accumulate in their backyard.

"It's cold." Jake yawned.

Ali tightened her grip on her son to try and warm him up a little and said, "It was about fifty degrees yesterday and today it's thirty-five. We are lucky it wasn't this cold yesterday." 

Ali felt Jake nod in agreement against her shoulder. She could tell he was really worn out.

"Did you enjoy your birthday party yesterday?" Ali asked her sleepy teen.

"Yeah, it was amazing." He replied. "It wasn't what I expected. I mean...I knew it would be great but...wow!"

Ali couldn't help but smile at his response. She kissed the top of his head and said, "Your Mama came up with most of it. She's the creative one in the family." She then added a quick correction to her comment, "Besides you, anyway."

That made Jacob smile. He felt like he fit perfectly into his family. He was proud to share so many different qualities with his parents. It was as if he wasn't adopted at all.

The two of them sat in silence until they heard Team Awesome had woken up and was not happy about being out of bed.

"Ugh! What the heck!" Ash said in disgust.

Little Sam who was in her arms copied his Mama and said, "What the heck!"

Ali knew right away what her wife was referring too. 

"Baby, relax. We are going to a warm and sunny place very soon." Ali said.

Ash was staring outside with contempt. She hated the cold.

Ali was about to tell her wife to get over it when they heard her brother and daughter singing in the guest room. Her heart swelled at the sound of the two bonding. Kyle always had a way with Lexi. The little girl felt truly special around him.

Ashlyn noticed her wife's eyes begin to glisten. She shook her head and planted her butt right into Ali's face.

"What are you doing?! Are you crazy?" Ali pushed her wife away and cracked up at her wife's childish ways. Ashlyn didn't care if Ali thought she was crazy. She just wanted to lighten the mood in front of the boys. The reason for Ali's hormonal level needed to stay a secret, so Ashlyn did what she had to do.

"Babe, we need food. But it's cold out and that makes me want to stay cuddled up inside and watch Netflix all day." Ash said. She ignored her wife's questioning of her sanity.

"We are not being lazy today. Kyle is here. We need to show him a good time." Ali replied.

"Uncle Kyle said he would show me how to use my new camera and software." Jake said. He was still leaning on Ali and didn't look to want to move anytime soon.

"Baby, you should take us out to breakfast." Ali said. 

"You'll have to drive." Ash said. She knew her wife would prefer not to, but Ali was forgetting that they had one more person in their party.

"No, it's snowing. We need to drive your Jeep." Ali whined.

"Babe, your brother is here. We both will have to drive." Ash said.

"Oh, crap!" Ali wanted to cuss but censored herself for the sake of the kids. "Fine." She grumbled.

Ash whispered into Sam's ear and set him down on the floor. She gave him a light tap on the butt and sent him away on an important quest. 

The next thing they heard was a knock on the guest room door and Sam yell, "Lex, Uncle Ky! Let's go! It's time to EAT!" 

The family took two cars to get breakfast on the very cold winter morning. Ali promised to snuggle up to Ashlyn whenever possible to keep her warm. Ash gladly accepted her kind offer.

...

Uncle Kyle had a modeling session with Lexi to teach Jake all about the gift he had given him the day before. He planned to show Jacob how to properly frame and light a subject. (In this case the subject was Lex.) After the mini photo shoot, they would go over the editing software together and hopefully come up with a masterpiece the whole family could love.

During Kyle's photography lesson, Ash and Ali took advantage of nap time with Samuel. The three cuddled up in the boy's small bed and tried to catch up on some much needed rest before leaving for their Christmas vacation to Florida.

Sam's head was pressed against Ashlyn's chest and the boy was out like a light. Ali watched her sleeping boy and her mind brought her back to the days when he was a baby laying on top of Ashlyn. No one was able to calm him like her wife. She felt lucky to have Ashlyn by her side for this next step in their family's life. She hoped that they would get to make more baby memories soon. 

"Ash." Ali whispered. She wasn't sure if her wife was awake. Ashlyn's eyes were shut and Ash had been quiet for awhile.

"Hmm?" Ash hummed quietly. She was seconds away from falling asleep.

"You awake?" Ali asked.

Ash made a noise similar to a hum mixed with a grunt. 

"Baby?"

Ash could tell that Ali needed to talk. She forced herself to wake up and listen.

"What's up, Al?" Ashlyn asked.

"What if it doesn't work?" Ali asked. She had been dreading letting herself and Ashlyn down ever since getting the IVF procedure. 

"Well..." Ash yawned before continuing, "We can try again. Or we can do something else." 

"Are we being selfish? I mean are we maybe being to greedy?" Ali asked. 

Ash was confused. "What do you mean?" 

"I mean, we already have more than enough love in our home. We have three beautiful babies. That's more than what most people get to have. Maybe we shouldn't be doing this." Ali explained.

"Alex, it's a little late to change your mind. Besides, you're just saying this now because you're worried it won't work. You need to relax, Babe. I promise you, no matter what, it's gonna be ok." Ashlyn replied. 

She wanted to comfort her wife. Ali was putting too much pressure on herself. She needed to stay in a calm state and stay positive.

"Ashlyn..." Ali started to share what she was thinking and then changed her mind. 

"What?" Ash asked.

"Never mind. You're right. I need to relax. Let's get some sleep." Ali tucked her head into Ashlyn's shoulder and closed her eyes. She hoped that when she woke up the nagging feeling of certain failure would be gone.

...

After nap time, and after Kyle and Jake had finished their photography lesson, the family shared a late lunch. 

"So, Uncle Kyle and I were talking." Jacob said. He took a bite of his sandwich before continuing. "You know how it's really cold out? Well, I remember when I was staying at the homeless shelter that this time of year there are a lot of people that get turned away because they run out of room. We were thinking that maybe tonight we could give blankets to people who are on the streets."

Jacob never ceased to amaze his parents. His compassion caused one of his mother's to be moved to tears.

Ashlyn rubbed her crying wife's back and said, "That's a great idea, son." 

"Well, that's not all." Jake said and looked over at Kyle for help.

"We were talking about how crazy some of my Twitter followers are. And how you two have some pretty devoted ones, too." Kyle began to explain.

Ash and Ali were pretty strict about their children being on social media. For every thousand kind and wonderful followers they had, there was one negative and hateful one. They didn't want to expose their kids to that sort of negativity any time soon.

Jacob finished his uncle's thought. "We were thinking that if it's just our family we could only donate a few blankets, but if we invited your followers in the area to donate too, we could really help a lot of people." Jake said.

"And Dad could be there to take the kids home if it got too crazy." Kyle added. He knew his little sister would be most concerned about the children in this plan. Unruly fans could be a frightening thing to a 4 and 6 year old.

"What do you think?" Jake asked nervously. 

Ash looked at her wife for an answer. Ali was still too emotional to form words. Her son was one in a million. Ash shook her head at her hormonal wife and answered for the both of them.

"It's a great idea, son."

"Can we do it?" He asked. His excitement was building. It seemed his parents were supportive of the idea.

Ashlyn confirmed with her wife before answering, "Yes, we can do it. But we don't have a lot of time. We need to try to give as many people a chance to help as possible."

Ashlyn, Ali, and Kyle sent out tweets with the information of what they were doing, and when and where they were doing it. Ali called a local coffee shop to see if they could provide warm drinks for the volunteers and the homeless people in the area. They were more than happy to help out.

It turned out to be an unforgettable night. Jacob invited Rachel and his soccer team to help out, too. They were able to provide hundreds of blankets to those who desperately needed them.

After the night of giving had come to an end, Ali's thin-blooded, Florida girl wife said, "The cold doesn't seem so bad when you have people around you who care about you."

The warmth of their kindness hadn't only touched those who were given the blankets, but it also spread throughout each person who chose to give what they could to help.

Ashlyn was right, the cold didn't seem so bad after all.


	170. Waiting

"Home, sweet home." Ashlyn said with eyes closed. She took a deep breath and broke out into a smile.

"Baby, it's time for you to face it, your home is far away and ice cold. This is your childhood home." Ali corrected. Her wife was in denial.

"Oh, really?" Ash challenged. She was about to turn the tables on her sassy wife. "I thought my home was right here...standing next to me."

It was too easy. Ali's emotional state made it almost like a game to Ashlyn. She was able to make Ali feel any way she wanted.

Ali started to cry and put her arms around Ashlyn's waist. "Are you saying that I'm your home?" Ali asked.

"Of course. You already know that." Ash answered. She gave herself a mental pat on the back for being a master at charming her wife.

"You're sweet." Ali said and then tilted her head upward to signal she wanted a kiss. Ash was more than happy to give her what she wanted.

"Do you guys even know that we're here?" Jake interrupted the sweet moment between his parents. 

The family had arrived at Ali's Mom and step dad's beach house. Ashlyn wasted no time in talking her family into spending some time on the beach, so she could breathe in the ocean air. 

"Son, why don't you hush it and go help your brother and sister with their sand castle." Ash replied.

"I'm just saying, we're in public." He answered back and left it at that.

"We're in public, Babe." Ash jokingly whispered to her wife. 

Ali replied by reminding Ashlyn of a few other public displays of affection that they had shared over the years. It was a really good thing Jacob had chosen to leave and help his siblings.

This sort of talk always added fire to the already passionate couple. Ashlyn stretched out on the blanket the family had put down, and pulled her wife towards her. The two laid side by side and fought off the urge to get too intimate in the sand.

They settled for a quiet conversation with Ali's head on Ashlyn's chest. 

After some quality time together, the two joined their children for some fun. Ali stayed on the beach with Lexi and Sam, while Ash took Jake surfing. The last time Ash and Jake went surfing ended up with Jacob almost drowning and Ashlyn having an anxiety attack. They needed a better experience than that to hold on to. 

Ashlyn and Jacob had a great day of bonding on the Florida waves. Jake was a little rusty and his experience level was beginner level, but that didn't stop them from having the time of their lives. As the two of them carried their boards back towards the rest of the family, Ali had them pose for a few pictures. 

Jake, the budding photographer, would years later tell Ali that one of the pictures she took on that day with her phone, was one of his favorite pictures of all time. It was a shot of him and Ashlyn soaking wet and laughing at something Ash had just said. They two had an arm around each other's shoulders and had no idea their picture was being taken. Jacob said the picture showed the joy that was so easily shared between him and his mother. 

...

The next morning was Jacob's actual birthday. The family had celebrated earlier because they knew it would be hard to do it properly away from home and with extended family so close to Christmas. He didn't expect much, if anything. He was pleasantly surprised. 

His grandmother had made him a special breakfast and every family member that came to celebrate Christmas, also celebrated his birthday. They had cake and ice cream and brought him gifts. He had accumulated a lot of birthday presents from people he barely knew, but of course...he wasn't about to complain.

Ashlyn and Ali pulled him aside right before the family gathered around the Christmas tree to exchange gifts, and gave him an envelope with a bow attached to the front. Ashlyn joked that she was the one that wrapped it. Ali rolled her eyes.

"What's this?" Jake asked. 

"This is your birthday present from us." Ali answered.

"You already gave me a new pair of shoes and a party." Jacob said. He had no idea that his parents had more planned for him. 

"Son, it's your birthday. Don't argue when someone gives you a present." Ash said. She set the boy straight.

Jake smiled and simply said, "Yes, ma'am." He took the envelope and opened it. 

Inside was a picture of a keyboard. Jacob looked at his parents for an explanation.

"When you get home, there will be a keyboard in your room." Ali explained.

"We would've brought it with us, but I couldn't fit it in our suitcase. It was either the piano or your Mom's shoe and purse collections." Ash joked.

"Stop!" Ali slapped her wife's arm and gave her a little nudge with her hip.

"Wow! Thanks!" Jacob said.

"You're welcome, son. We are really proud of your talent, and want to support you in your music." Ashlyn replied. She glanced at her wife, and as if on cue, Ali started to get emotional.

"Thank you. I know you believe in me." Jake answered. "I believe in me, too."

Ali couldn't hold it in. She lunged toward Jake and hugged him tightly and said, "I love you so much! You are so important to us. I love you." Ali began a kissing crusade all over her son's cheek. She must've kissed him ten times before Ashlyn pulled her away.

"Ok, Babe. Why don't we take our son and join the rest of our family, who are waiting for us to start the Christmas party?" Ashlyn nodded for their son to go on ahead and once he left she said, "You gotta pull it together, woman."

"I can't help it. He's so wonderful." Ali defended herself and then hid her face in Ash's chest. The two stayed in an embrace for several moments while Ali tried to collect her many emotions. 

Ashlyn didn't know how her wife was going to make it through the night without giving something away. 

...

"Ashlyn, can I talk to you for a minute?" Ali's mom whispered to her daughter-in-law.

The family had opened up all their presents and they were now in the process of cleaning up all of the discarded wrapping paper on the floor. Deb took Ashlyn by the forearm and practically dragged her into the kitchen for some privacy.

'What's up Deb?" Ash asked. She was a little concerned by her mom-in-law's behavior.

"Is my daughter pregnant?" Deb blurted out.

"What?" Ash panicked. How was she supposed to answer? She took a breath and then decided she would make it a joke. "Not that I know of." Which was the truth. She then added, "Do you know something I don't?"

Ali's mom examined Ashlyn's face carefully. She was suspicious, but had no proof. She decided to let it go and try again with her daughter.

"Ok." Deb said and returned to the living room to clean up. She left Ashlyn behind to try and figure out how to get through the next few hours. 

Deb carefully observed the interaction between Ali and Ashlyn for the rest of the night. Thankfully Ashlyn knew she was being watched and fought the urge to tell her wife what her mother had just asked.

...

When it was time to leave and visit Grandma Harris, Ashlyn and Ali thought they had successfully maneuvered their way around any further questioning from Ali's mother. When in reality, Deb decided on her own to let it go. She had a feeling her hunch was correct, but could tell that the women weren't ready to share the news. She respected their privacy and settled to find out their secret whenever they were ready to tell her. All she could do was wait.

Christmas at Ashlyn's grandmother's house flew by and it was time to return home before they knew it. When the plane landed Ashlyn looked out her window and saw the cold snow falling on the runway. The only good thing, in her mind, about being back in DC was that they were closer to finding out if Ali's procedure had worked. 

The wait was almost over.


	171. Not Ready

"Mom." 

Deb heard her daughter's voice over the phone and knew something was up. She had secretly been waiting for Ali to finally admit that she was pregnant. 

Unfortunately, Ali didn't say what she was expecting.

"Mom..." Ali repeated. This time there was a crack in her voice. "Mom, I need to tell you something."

"Go ahead, honey." Deb answered. Whatever was coming didn't sound good.

"Ash and I have been trying to get pregnant. We went to the doctor today...and he said that it didn't work." Ali finally broke down once she had finished explaining.

"Sweetheart, I am so sorry." Ali's mom answered. Now she knew why they hadn't said anything. They were waiting to find out.

"I don't know what we're gonna do. Ash said we should try again, but..." Ali couldn't finish her thought. 

"Maybe you should try again. This happens to a lot of couples." 

"But even though Ash has seemed really positive, I can tell she's hurting. What if it doesn't work a second time? I don't want to put her through that. This whole thing is because of me. She's happy with the way things are now." Ali rambled.

"Honey, I don't have an answer for you. Give yourselves some time to settle down and then discuss what you want to do." Deb advised.

Ali heard her wife and youngest son get home from Sam's school so she hurried off the phone to greet them.

Samuel ran right past Ali to get to Monster. She made a joke about it and had him come back and give her a proper greeting. After a hug and kiss he was free to play with his dog.

Ashlyn was quiet, just as she had been since their appointment that morning. Neither of them shared any words at first. They already knew what the other was thinking about.

"How are you holding up?" Ash broke the silence to check on her wife after a few minutes.

"I'm ok. I told my Mom." Ali answered.

"That's probably a really good thing." Ash replied. At this point she was out of words. She went to the fridge and grabbed a water. She opened it and realized she wasn't even thirsty. 

"Baby, how are you?" Ali asked. She put a hand on her wife's arm trying to get Ash to look her way. Ashlyn was staring at an old magnet on their fridge.

"I'm fine." Ash lied.

"You are not." Ali said. 

"I'm not?" Ash asked. It was as if she was honestly asking the question.

"Baby, where are you right now?" Ali asked. Ashlyn seemed zoned out or maybe she was daydreaming. Ali needed to bring her back to earth.

Ash started to pick at the label on her bottle of water and said, "I guess I keep wondering about what our baby would've been like." She put the water down and realized what she had just said. She apologized immediately. "Alex, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that!"

"Ashlyn..." A light bulb went off in Ali's head when she heard her wife's thoughts. "You don't have to protect me from this. You don't have to pretend you're fine. This is really disappointing. You're allowed to feel bad." 

"I just want you to be happy." Ash said. This had been a constant theme lately. Through all of Ali's doubts and her fears that the procedure wouldn't work, Ash just kept saying she was willing to do anything, if it made Ali happy.

"Do you know what makes me happy?" Ali asked. She approached her wife and put her hands on Ashlyn's hips. "You do. I'm so lucky to have you." Ali moved her hands from Ash's hips until her arms were completely around her waist. She held on to Ashlyn until Ash was ready to face reality.

That was the moment that Ashlyn let her tears fall for what could have been. Ali was glad to finally be able to repay her wife for the strength she had given to her through the long month of waiting, they had just experienced together.

They would wait for another day before deciding how to move forward.

...

Ali didn't have long to wait if she wanted to try again. She needed to start the process over again right away, or she would have to wait a whole month before her body's cycle was ready to start over.

The decision was made even more difficult by the fact that she was told that the longer she waited, the least likely her body would be to get pregnant. There was a small window of time, according to the doctor. 

Ali had to decide if it was worth the high potential for disappointment, or if she would be better off just giving up all together.

...

That evening after dinner the family piled onto the couch to have a movie night. Ali couldn't help but notice her wife's unusual quiet and sad demeanor. 

She knew what she had to do.

Ali made an excuse for Ashlyn to help her with something in the kitchen, while their children watched tv in the living room. Ashlyn had no idea what was coming. 

"Ash, I need to talk to you." Ali said and pulled a chair out from the table for her to sit down.

"What's going on?" Ash asked. She was concerned about her hurting wife.

"I've been thinking." Ali said quietly and sat down next to her.

"Uh, oh." Ash joked trying to ease the tension in the room.

Ali loved that Ash always tried to make things better and easier for her. She gave Ashlyn a small smile and tried to get through what she had set out to do.

"I've been thinking that I'm not going to try anymore." Ali said sadly. She wiped at her eyes and tried to put on a brave face. "And it's ok. We're happy....We're happy, right?" Ali asked.

"Uh, yeah." Ash replied. She wasn't expecting to hear that her wife was giving up. 

It didn't make any sense. Ali doesn't give up. She didn't want her to give up, but she felt she couldn't push her into something that had a high probability of bringing her more disappointment. It had to be Ali's decision. Ashlyn wasn't willing to push her one way or the other.

"What we have is enough, right?" Ali asked. She wanted to make sure Ash was ok with the decision.

"Yeah, of course...But is this really what you want?" Ash asked.

No, this really wasn't what Ali wanted. But she didn't want to hurt her wife by putting her through this again. 

Ashlyn had a hunch Ali was trying to protect her over wanting to pursue her own desires, but she couldn't push her. Maybe her hunch was wrong, and if it was then she wouldn't be helping Ali, but hurting her. She didn't know what to do.

Ali answered her wife's question with another unconvincing smile. "Yeah, this is what I want." Ali lied.

"Ok. Then I support you." Ash answered.

Ali stood from the table and turned away from her wife. She pulled out juice boxes for the children and tried to gather herself before having to face her wife again. Ash kept her eye on her wife. She was trying desperately to figure out what Ali really wanted. 

Ashlyn's observant eye only encouraged Ali to avoid her as much as possible. 

That did not go over well.

...

That same night Ashlyn and Jacob went on a very cold evening jog. Ashlyn's lungs were burning from the brisk air. Both Ash and Jake regretted their decision to get out of the house as soon as they left.

When they returned Ashlyn couldn't stop coughing. She wasn't sick or injured, her body just didn't respond well to the cold. When Ali heard Ashlyn and Jacob come inside and then saw her wife bent over and coughing loudly, she feared the worst.

Ali rushed to Ashlyn's side and put a hand on her back. "Is everything ok?" She saw her oldest son getting water from the refrigerator and felt that he was moving too slowly. "Hurry over here with that!" 

Jacob was confused, but didn't argue. If his Mom wanted his water she could have it. She's the one who bought it to begin with.

Ali took the bottle from him and continued to rub Ashlyn's back. "Baby, try to drink some water." Ali tried to give her the bottle but Ash pushed it away. 

Once the coughing had stopped, Ash could speak. And now her wife was finally willing to listen. 

"Alex, I'm fine." Ash said. She wanted to ease her wife's worries about her health, first and foremost. She asked Jake to give them a minute of privacy and then continued. 

"Forgive me, if I'm wrong." She said. It was now or never. "Are you giving up because of me?"

Ali did not expect to hear her wife talk about the baby, or lack of a baby in their case.

"What?" Ali was stunned. She let her guard down because she was worried about her wife. Now she didn't know how to get out of facing what she had been trying to avoid.

"I said, are you giving up because of me?" Ash repeated.

"No!" Ali almost shouted. She tried to turn to leave but Ashlyn grabbed her. 

"Then why are you giving up?" Ash asked after forcing her wife to face her...to face herself.

"Because, it's what's best." Ali answered. She felt that she had given the best reason she could without showing her hand.

"Why is it best?" Ash asked. 

She wanted to ask why was Ali being a quitter? Why was she giving up on her dream? But she knew that if she was wrong about what she believed her reason was, then her saying those things would only bring hurt.

"Because, Ashlyn! It just is!" Ali pulled her arm out of her wife's grip and tried to leave again.

Ashlyn was not about to let her wife get away from facing the truth. She grabbed her from behind and held her in a tight bear hug. 

Ali wasn't going anywhere.

"Ashlyn, please..." Ali's voice cracked. Her resolve was starting to crack, as well.

"Alex, please stop lying to me. Why do you want to give up?" Ashlyn begged.

When Ali heard Ashlyn accuse her of lying she dropped her head in shame. Her well intentioned actions had ended up hurting her wife, which was the very thing she was trying not to do.

"I don't want to hurt you." Ali finally spoke the truth. "I can tell, ya know? I can tell this has really hurt you. And it's my dream, not your's. You shouldn't have to go through this because of me." 

"Alex, I'll be honest. This has been hard. Like 'can hardly breathe' hard. But so has a lot of other things." Ash loosened her embrace enough to give Ali the choice to stay or leave.

Ali stayed. 

"But this is one more thing. And it's all because of me." Ali replied.

Ash let out a heavy sigh and said, "It's hard...because I want this, too. And I don't want to push you to try again or not to try again...but..."

Ash took a sip of water to buy a little time before just coming out with what she had been wanting to say all along.

"...I really want you to try again. And I think that's what you want. And if it is, then you should do it. If it's not, then we'll still be ok. But I don't ever want you to give up on something important to you because you're worried about the cost. We sacrifice a lot to follow our dreams. That's the only reason we are where we are today...That's the only reason we even ended up together in the first place."

Ashlyn took another drink and watched carefully as her wife tried to take in everything she was saying. After giving Ali a moment to process, she brought up one more thing. 

"Do you regret how hard you worked to try to get back in shape for the Olympics?" 

"What?" Ali asked. She was not tracking with her wife's train of thought.

"Remember? When you got injured and no one thought it was possible for you to make it back in time...but you believed...And so did I." Ash said.

"Yeah, but I didn't make it back." Ali answered. Ashlyn's reasoning wasn't making her feel any better. In this scenario the Olympics were equivalent to having a baby, and the Olympics never happened for her.

"But do you regret trying?" Ash asked. She wasn't comparing the Olympics to having a baby. She was comparing Ali's resolve and determination to follow her dream.

"No." Ali answered confidently. She was starting to see where Ashlyn was going with this.

"This is your dream. We were both super bummed when you didn't make the roster, but it wasn't because of anything you could control. You did everything you could and left it at that. I don't ever what to be the reason you regret giving up on something that is important to you."

Ashlyn gave her wife's forehead a kiss and then added, "And I don't want to be the reason you KEEP doing something you don't want to do, either. I just want you to be happy." 

...

Ali made an appointment the next day and started the hormone injections again. She hadn't yet decided how many more time she would try, but she knew one thing. 

She wasn't ready to give up yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't stress out. This story will have a happy ending. Timing is everything. I promise I won't break your heart.


	172. Catalyst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter switches from present day to flashbacks. 
> 
> Each section is labeled, so hopefully it won't be too confusing. 
> 
> This chapter includes a prompt request from one of my fave readers. I hope you guys like it.

PRESENT DAY

"Baby, you need to take me to get a steak dinner." Ali said and held tightly to her wife's hand. Ali had just left a doctor's appointment to get a hormone injection and start the process of trying to get pregnant all over again. 

Ashlyn opened her wife's car door and helped her in. "You wanna take the whole family? I'm not sure Lex and Sam would appreciate something like that. Their food would go to waste." Ashlyn said. Steak was her favorite and it seemed almost sacrilegious to let small children pick at it and leave the majority of it on the plate.

"I'm talking about right now. I want steak for lunch." Ali clarified.

"Really?" Ash laughed. "Are you having a pre-pregnancy craving?"

"Maybe." Ali smiled. She leaned over the center console of Ashlyn's Jeep and gave her wife a kiss on the cheek.

"Well, in that case," Ash said with a smile, "I'll take that as a good sign and get you your steak dinner for lunch."

The two women ended up going to the same restaurant they met with Jacob and the social worker at for their first visit together. It had special memories attached, and they hoped it would continue to bring them good luck.

As they walked through the restaurant parking lot, Ashlyn wrapped a strong arm around her wife's shoulders to try and give her some extra warmth. It was a brutally cold afternoon and Ashlyn took her responsibility of taking care of her hopefully soon-to-be pregnant wife very seriously.

Once the couple had been seated by the hostess, Ashlyn excused herself to use the restroom. When she returned she found her wife talking fondly with a familiar face. As soon as Ali saw her wife, she stood up from her seat and affectionately pulled Ashlyn into her side. She pressed a kiss to her lips and held on to her waist with both arms. 

Ali was being overly affectionate for a reason.

"Ash, you remember Brent." Ali said. She loosened up her grip on Ashlyn just enough to let her shake her ex-boyfriend's hand.

"Hey." Ash said and shook the man's hand. She didn't hate the guy. Well, she didn't hate him too much, anyway.

"Hello, there." Brent said, and seemed to have a sincere smile on his face. "I was just telling Ali that my partner is extremely late."

"Partner?" Ash repeated with a hint of confusion.

Brent started laughing before clarifying. "BUSINESS partner." 

Ali wanted to tease her wife, but was sensitive to the awkward situation. She didn't want to give her wife any reason to feel anything but confident in their relationship. 

"Sorry." Ash apologized. "I have lesbian brain." She joked. Brent and Ashlyn both shared a laugh over the comment.

Ali was pleasantly surprised by how well her wife was treating her ex.

...

FLASHBACK

Ali rolled over and quietly watched her boyfriend sleep. He seemed happy. He was resting peacefully after a long night of studying with his pre-med classmates. She had been thinking a lot about her future, lately. She was questioning who she was and if the perfect life her and Brent had ahead of them was really what she wanted. 

He really was perfect. He came from a wealthy family. He was going to be a doctor. She remembered her mom's words when she was growing up. "It's just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as it is a poor one." She always said it as a joke, but she knew her mom would feel better knowing she was ok financially. 

Settling down with Brent would definitely provide security and a higher class of living. He was a good man, with a good heart. Ali wished it was enough.

...

PRESENT DAY

"Why don't you join us?" Ash asked. Ali couldn't believe that Ashlyn had just invited Brent to sit with them.

"I shouldn't." Brent answered. Ali was relieved to hear that at least someone realized the awkwardness of the situation.

"At least until your BUSINESS partner gets here." Ash said and emphasized the word, 'business.'

Brent smiled and accepted the invitation. Ashlyn sat down next to her wife and gestured for the man to sit across from them. 

"How are things going?" Brent asked. 

Ashlyn nudged Ali and said, "Show him your pictures of the kids." She nodded towards Ali's purse. She was glowing with pride for her family. Ali hoped that it was pride and not her trying to 'one up' Brent. Ali sincerely wished for the man's happiness. 

He deserved to be happy.

...

FLASHBACK

"I need to talk to you about something." Ali said as soon as her boyfriend appeared at her dorm room. 

"Ok?" Brent said and let his nervous girlfriend pull him into her room. He handed her the Chinese food he had brought for their dinner and watched her haphazardly toss the food on her desk.

"Sit." Ali said and lightly pushed him down on her bed.

"What's going on? Should I be worried?" He asked.

"I have to tell you something." Ali said again. Her voice was shaking. 

"What is it?" Brent asked. He took Ali's hand in his own to try and offer her some strength.

"I'm late." She said. Her face was as white as snow. She nervously searched her boyfriend's face for a reaction.

"What do you mean?" He asked. 

"You're going to be a doctor. You should know what that means." She replied.

"Oh."

"Yeah. Oh."

Brent was in shock. He let his eyes drift from Ali's face and focus on his hand that held onto her's. After a moment, he came to his senses and knew that he needed to be strong for Ali.

"Ok. What do you wanna do?" Brent asked.

"I don't know." Ali started to cry. She was too young to have a baby. She had her soccer career to think about. But at the same time, this was the future she thought she was SUPPOSED to have. Perfect, handsome, rich, doctor husband with a house filled with his perfect children.

"What about your birth control?" Brent asked. He thought they had covered all of their bases.

"It didn't work, I guess. I mean...maybe it did. I don't really know. All I know is that my usually consistent cycle is off schedule." Ali explained. 

One good thing about dating a doctor is that as a woman you can speak freely about such things, and not worry about your boyfriend freaking out. Brent probably wasn't the type to freak out anyway. He was the kind of guy that proudly bought his girlfriend's feminine items at the store, and even let Ali paint his nails from time to time. He was confident in himself and truly supportive of the woman he loved.

"Should we get a pregnancy test?" He asked.

"Probably. But..." Ali was nervous about the possibility of being a mother, but there was more to her unsettled state. Maybe the 'perfect' life that was ahead of her wasn't supposed to be, after all.

"What?" Brent squeezed Ali's hand and said, "I promise you, Ali. Whatever you choose to do, and whatever happens, I will support you. No matter what." 

He really meant it.

...

PRESENT DAY

"Lexi is Ali's mini-me. They're both the divas of the house." Ash said. She showed Brent a picture of their daughter in her ballerina tights and tutu.

"Well, Samuel is your's!" Ali added. She flipped through the small picture book and showed her ex-boyfriend their wild child. "They're best buds. I can't separate the two of them." Ali continued to explain with a smile. 

Ashlyn switched her attention away from the pictures and focused on the face of her wife. She loved seeing her wife so happy. Ash moved in closer to her and absent-mindedly placed her hand over Ali's stomach. Ali didn't notice, but Brent did.

"I hope you don't mind me asking." Brent said. "But...Are you pregnant?" 

Ali smiled. Ashlyn was confused about what led him to ask. She had no idea it was her actions that tipped him off.

"No. Not yet. We're trying, though." Ali said. She looked up at her wife and quickly pecked her cheek. It felt good to tell someone other than her mother.

"Wow." Brent replied. The conversation took him back to when Ali had told him that she was late and might be pregnant. It made him sad to think about what could've been. He really loved Ali back then. He thought they could've been happy together.

"Yeah, wow." Ash said. She knew there was some new tension added to the air around them. "Imagine how beautiful she's gonna be once I get her knocked up." Ashlyn said, trying to get a laugh.

Ali elbowed her in the ribs and turned bright red. "Baby!" 

Ali's reaction brought a smile to Brent's face. Ashlyn's joke had worked. 

...

FLASHBACK

"Are you sad?" Brent asked. He was sitting with his girlfriend in his convertible. They were parked outside of their school's medical clinic.

"I don't know." Ali answered blankly. She seemed to be emotionless.

"At first I had hoped that you wouldn't be pregnant." Brent said. "Ya know? Because we're too young. But then the more I thought about it, the more I kinda wished that you were."

"Really?" Ali asked. She still had the copy of the negative lab results that the nurse had given her in her hand. 

"Yeah. Something like this makes you think about your future. It makes you think about the things that you want and...well, I guess I realized that I want you. I want babies with you. I want all of it."

Ali felt like she needed to throw up. Now that she knew she couldn't blame it on a possible pregnancy, she realized the real cause.

She let her eyes drift to the picture of her and her best friend on her cell phone home screen. She wished she had Ashlyn's courage at a time like this. Ashlyn was the strongest person she knew.

Brent started to fumble around in his pocket and Ali feared what was coming. There was no way she was going to let him propose. She knew that she would never be able to go through with marrying him. It was better for her to end it before he asked.

"Brent..." Ali cleared her throat and tried her best not to cry. 

She couldn't afford to stop. He was on the verge of taking a huge step forward and all she wanted to do was run away. She couldn't let him put himself in an even more vulnerable position. She cared too much about him to make it more painful.

"Brent, you are a great man. I am lucky to have you in my life. You're right. Something like this makes you think, and I've been doing a lot of thinking." Ali said.

Brent had a flicker of pain in his chest. Somehow he knew.

"I've been thinking....You are truly amazing." Ali said. "You're kind...handsome. You're intelligent and strong." Ali paused. How was she going to get through this? She couldn't stand hurting anyone, especially someone as wonderful as Brent.

"Just say it." Brent said. Ali was right. He was smart. He knew what was coming.

"I don't see a future with you, Brent. I'm really sorry." Ali felt horrible.

Brent nodded his head lightly and did his best to bite back any tears. "It's Ashlyn, isn't it?"

"What?" Ali asked. She hadn't planned to talk about her sexuality to him. She was just going to say it wasn't meant to be. She didn't know how he would respond if she blamed it on the fact that she might be gay, especially since she wasn't really ready to admit that fact to herself.

"You're in love with Ashlyn." He clarified.

"No. I haven't talked to her in months." She replied.

"You've been miserable, since you've stopped talking to her. And you still look at her picture every morning when you wake up...and every night when you go to sleep." Brent said. He was referring to the habit Ali had of often looking through the pictures on her phone. Most of the pictures were either of family or of Ashlyn.

"Brent...I really don't know." She answered. She loved Ashlyn. No one, including Ali, would ever deny that. But Ali was thoroughly confused with herself. She was still trying to figure out who she was. How could she be expected to know how she felt about her best friend?

"I hope she knows how special you are." He said. The sentence had a bitter tone to it, but Ali couldn't blame him. He was an innocent victim. He didn't deserve to have his heart broken.

"I'm really sorry." Ali apologized to the man that by all practical reasons SHOULD have been the love of her life. 

"Just..." Brent sighed loudly. He was such a good man. A lesser man would've made Ali hurt a little for how she had hurt him. But he just couldn't do that. "Make sure that whoever you end up with makes you happy." 

"Thank you." Ali said through a sob. Brent couldn't take it. He had to offer his ex-girlfriend his strength and comfort one more time. He wrapped her up in a hug and let go of the future he thought he would have with the most beautiful woman he would ever meet.

...

PRESENT DAY

"How have things been for you, Brent?" Ali asked. She still couldn't believe that they ran into each other.

"It's been good. I'm at a medical thing out here. I started a company that makes cardio equipment." He explained.

"You mean like treadmills?" Ashlyn joked. Brent was a cardiovascular surgeon. She knew it was medical supplies he was talking about. She just couldn't help herself. The three adults broke out in laughter.

"Oh, hey...here's my partner." Brent stood up and waved the attractive woman down. She smiled towards the group and immediately apologized for being late. "This is my business partner and my wife, Andrea." Brent said with a smile.

Both Ali and Ashlyn were happy to meet the woman. Brent told them how he met his wife and that she listened to him talk for years about his ideas to improve medical equipment used in his profession. She was the one that encouraged him to make his dream a reality. 

The four of them told funny stories and reminisced about the old days. But they mostly talked about how happy they were with how their lives had turned out. Brent and Ali agreed that breaking up was the catalyst to both of their happiness. They were thankful Ali had the strength to be honest with him and more importantly honest with herself.


	173. Baby Blues (Part One)

Ashlyn held her disappointed wife and let her cry in her chest about another failed attempt to get pregnant. She rubbed Ali's back and placed several kisses on the side of her head. Ashlyn waited for Ali to decide when she was ready to talk. She would gladly hold her all day if Ali wanted.

"Baby, what do you want me to do?" Ali asked after a few minutes. 

Ashlyn used both her hands to wipe the extra tears from her wife's face.

"You already know what I think." Ash said.

Ashlyn wasn't trying to be mysterious or difficult, she was walking the fine line between encouraging and not wanting to pressure Ali. It was a difficult situation all around.

"Ashlyn, I'm serious. I need you to tell me what to do. This is another wasted try. It cost so much, both financially and physically. And let's not even mention the emotional toll." Ali said. She pressed her forehead back into Ashlyn's chest and waited for her wife to respond.

"Babe, I don't know what to say. I feel like you're putting too much pressure on yourself." Ash replied.

"It is a lot of pressure!" Ali groaned. She was making herself sick with worry and letting herself be consumed by the process.

"Alex, I'm gonna tell you what to do." Ashlyn said. She couldn't watch her wife go through this anymore.

"Ok." Ali replied. She would gladly do whatever her wife wanted. 

"You need to relax." Ash said. 

That wasn't the kind of advice Ali was hoping to hear.

"What do you mean?" Ali asked.

"I mean that you are stressing out so much. It can't be good for your body. Maybe you should slow down and reflect on happy things. I don't know..." Ash turned her head away from her wife. "Maybe it's dumb...but I feel like maybe we both need to be happy with what we have and consider everything else a bonus."

"So, you're saying you want me to stop trying?" Ali asked. She wanted to make sure she was hearing her wife correctly.

"No, I think you need to keep trying...if that's what you want...but do it with a mindset that we are already the happiest family in the world." Ash gave her wife a squeeze of encouragement. "Hey, come here." 

Ash led her wife by the hand to a family picture they had hanging up in the hallway. It was from Samuel's fourth birthday party. The whole family was dressed up as superheroes. Ashlyn hugged Ali from behind and put her chin on Ali's shoulder. 

"We are pretty blessed, aren't we?" Ali asked rhetorically. She already knew the answer.

"Yee-up!" Ash said. She sounded just like Sam when he's excited.

Ali laughed at her wife, knowing that that was her intention. Ash would do anything to cheer her up.

"It's hard for me to relax." Ali admitted. Ashlyn already knew this fact about her wife, but she wasn't going to say anything about that. "Do you think I should take a break from all of this?"

"That's up to you. What do you think your body needs?" Ash asked.

"My brain and heart need to keep trying...but I don't know if my body can keep doing this." Ali answered honestly.

"Do you want to take this month off?" Ash asked.

"I don't think I should. Time is running out on us!" Ali said dramatically. 

Ash just shook her head. Her wife was putting too much pressure on herself again. 

"Alex, I don't know how to get you to see that what we already have is enough. I want you to get pregnant and having another child would be great, but we have more than most people could every dream of. I'm worried that you think you're gonna let me down if this doesn't happen for us. And that is just not the case, at all." Ash was determined for her wife to understand how she felt.

"Ash, you deserve for this to work." Ali said sadly. She heard her wife loud and clear, but she still felt like she needed to give Ashlyn another child.

"Babe, I don't deserve any of this. I'm already overwhelmingly blessed. And it's all because of you." Ash replied. "You've already given me so much. I wish you could see that." 

Ashlyn gave her wife a tender kiss and left her to stare at the framed picture on the wall. It was time to pick up their youngest child from school, and both women knew it. Ashlyn grabbed her keys and hoped that by the time she returned with Samuel her wife would be feeling better.

...

Ali heard Ashlyn's Jeep pull into the garage and tried to make herself presentable for their sensitive son. She had decided to give herself the time it took for Ash to pick him up to feel sorry for herself, but that was all the time she would allot to that thought. She told herself that once they returned she needed to move on and be the wife and mother her family needed.

Ashlyn seemed to be taking an extra long time getting into the house. Ali tried to pretend to look busy and not let on that she had been moping around ever since her wife left. She found herself standing for an awkwardly long amount of time staring at the inside of the refrigerator, waiting for her wife and son to enter the house. 

She laughed at how pathetic she felt. When did she turn into someone who was nervous for her wife and child to see her? 

Ash and Sam eventually made it inside. Ali noticed that her usually energetic little boy was quiet and clinging to her wife's neck. Any other day Samuel's first stop of his after school routine was to run and play with his favorite dog. Today, however, Samuel's head was resting on Ashlyn's shoulder. He had his eyes squeezed tightly shut. 

Ali's heart broke for her son. When Sam was younger he used to be afraid of monsters. Ashlyn taught him a 'trick' and said that all he had to do was close his eyes and he would disappear and the bad guys wouldn't be able to see him. 

Ali wondered why her son was trying to disappear.

"Sam-Bam..." Ash kissed her son's head and gave him a gentle shake. She was trying to get him to open his eyes. "Mommy needs a kiss from you." 

Sam reluctantly opened his eyes and leaned towards Ali with both arms stretched out. She took him from her wife's arms and let him give her a kiss. She kissed him again and asked, "What's wrong, sweetheart?"

Sam shook his head 'no' and hid his face in Ali's chest. Ali looked to Ashlyn for an explanation. 

Ashlyn whispered, "He had an accident. He wasn't able to get to the bathroom fast enough." 

"Poor thing." Ali replied. 

"His teacher said he sat by himself all day because he was so embarrassed." Ash quietly explained.

It's not uncommon for a four year old to wait too long when they have to go to the bathroom. Sam's teacher made sure to have a change of clothes for every student, just in case. Samuel and his teacher were the only ones who knew about what happened, but the little guy couldn't let it go.

"My sweet boy." Ali said and kissed him again. She hated seeing her children unhappy.

"I told him we would take a nap with Monster and then have fun playing in the snow." Ash said loud enough for her son to hear. 

"Is that something you want to do?" Ali asked her son. He kept his eyes closed but nodded an affirming 'yes.'

"Hmm...I wonder what we should build outside in the snow?" Ash asked. She was trying to get a reaction from her boy. "What do you think, Babe?" 

"Oh, I don't know. What sort of things can you make out of snow?" Ali played along with her wife. 

Both women watched as their son fought a smile. He was itching to put in his two cents on the subject, but that's hard to do when you're trying to disappear.

"Maybe we can make some snow pancakes. Or we could melt the snow and make water. That's what people make out of snow, right?" Ash asked. She tried to sound as confused as possible.

"Melted snow water. Sounds good to me." Ali answered. 

Ali felt her son moving in her arms. The boy was absolutely beside himself. How could his parents have such a difficult time figuring out what to make out of snow?

Ashlyn put her lips right up next to her son's ear and said, "What else could we possibly do in the snow?" 

The boy couldn't take it anymore. He opened his eyes and shouted, "I wanna make a fort!" 

Both women couldn't hold in their laughter. Their boy was back. 

"What's else do you wanna make?" Ali asked.

"A snowman and snow dog for Monster." He answered.

"A snow dog? I don't think I've ever made a dog out of snow before. That's a great idea, Bam. You must be a snow genius!" Ashlyn said and tickled the boys sensitive sides.

Samuel's laughter was a sweet sound in the Krieger-Harris house. It wasn't only good for the boy, but it also seemed to bring joy to Ali's heart too. 

...

After a cuddle session, nap, and an afternoon of spoiling Samuel, Ali watched her wife play outside with their two youngest children.

"Hey, Mom." Jake scared his mother who was staring through the glass door at her wife throwing snowballs at Sam and Lex. The kids were hiding inside their fort, safe from any real harm.

"You scared me." Ali said. She had jumped a little at the sound of her son's voice.

"Sorry." Jake apologized. "Why don't you go out there?" He asked and nodded towards the rest of the family.

"I'm in more of a thinking mood today. Ya know what I mean?" Ali answered.

"You mean you're sad." 

"No, I'm not sad." Ali tried to cover up the fact that her son had figured her out.

"I overheard you and Mama talking a while ago." Jake didn't want to say anything, but he thought it might be better if his Mom knew that he already knew about the baby stuff.

"I know. She told me. Thank you for not saying anything to your brother and sister. But you don't need to worry about that stuff." 

"You've been trying for awhile and Mama treats you like you're already pregnant. But you're not...so, I figure that's why you're sad." Jacob said.

"You are a very smart boy. You know that?" Ali said. She didn't really know what else to say. She really was feeling pretty bad about her inability to get pregnant. She couldn't lie to Jake.

"That's what they tell me." Jake joked. He was starting to take after Ashlyn in trying to make Ali laugh when she felt bad.

"Who's 'they?'" Ali asked. 

"You and Mama." He smiled. 

Ali thought back on the difficult time her son was trying to catch up with his education when they first adopted him. Even then she knew he was wise beyond his years.

"Can I ask you a question?" Jake asked.

"Of course." 

"Why do you want another kid? You already have three of us. We have a great family." Jake said.

Ali agreed. They did already have a great family. "You are right about that. I really do have more than I could ever ask for. I'm not trying to add to our family because you guys aren't enough."

"Then why? It's obviously hard for you and Mama to go through this. Why are doing it?" Jacob asked.

"It's hard to explain, Sweetheart. Some women have a strong desire to give birth. Not all women, but some. And I guess I'm one of them." Ali smiled sadly.

"So you won't be happy unless you get pregnant?" Jake asked. 

"No, I'm already happy." Ali replied as quickly as she could. 

"You don't seem like it." Jake said.

Ali didn't know what to say. A fifteen year old boy wouldn't understand the ticking of her biological clock.

"I am." Ali answered. "Why don't we go join them outside." 

Ali wanted to get out of their conversation as soon as possible. She wasn't feeling very confident in her decision to get pregnant anymore, and there was no way she was going to discuss her confusing thoughts with her teenage son.

Ashlyn was right. She was putting too much pressure on herself. It was all just too much. She felt terrible that she couldn't explain to her son why she wasn't happy with the way things were. It felt even worse that she couldn't explain it to herself.

She knew she needed to sort out her thoughts and feelings, and make a decision that was right for her family.

She couldn't keep putting her family through this.


	174. Baby Blues (Part Two)

Ali and Jacob joined the rest of the family in the back yard for a snowball fight. The entire family, including Monster, was bundled up in their winter gear to protect them from the cold. Lexi and Samuel picked out a heavy duty doggie sweater for Monster. He was ready for some outdoor fun with the family, too.

Ashlyn launched a snowball right at her wife. It hit Ali hard in the shoulder. The ball of snow shattered into powder as soon as it hit her. Ashlyn didn't realize that she had just declared war with Ali. At least that's how Ali interpreted the attack.

Ali ran and slid into the snow fort that Sam and Lexi were hiding in. She peaked up over the top of it and spotted her wife kneeling down behind a tree to make more snowballs. Ali looked at the supply that her children had piled up and realized they were short on ammo.

"We need more snowballs!" Ali said. 

She instructed her children to make as many as they could. She took another peek at her wife and saw that Ashlyn had recruited Jacob to join forces with her. She knew that even though her army had the safety of the fort, she was at a disadvantage. She needed to come up with a strategy that accentuated her side's strengths and took advantage of her enemy's weaknesses. 

Ali took one more look at Ashlyn and Jacob as they continued to stack up ammo. She looked back down at her youngest children and sighed when she saw Samuel's little hands making loose, small snowballs. They would probably fall apart before they reached their intended target. She felt bad for the sweet boy. 

And that's when she realized the best way to beat her wife.

Ashlyn gave her oldest son a quick pep talk and then told him that her plan was to charge the fort and take it over.

"There's no way they can stop us. We're gonna attack from both sides. You go right and I'll go left." Ash instructed.

She piled up snowballs in her son's left arm and stacked them up against his chest so that he could easily take one and throw without stopping to reload. She gave him the signal and they split up to capture the enemy's fort. 

As the two of them made their way to the structure of snow, Ali and Lexi threw a steady stream of snow balls at their attackers. During the snowy onslaught she sent out their secret weapon. 

Sam ran out and hugged his Mama's legs, followed by his trusty dog. 

"Mama, I wanna be on your team!" He said. Monster barked in agreement.

Ashlyn saw his big sad eyes and couldn't deny her boy the chance to fight by her side. When she knelt down to get him out of harm's way, she took her eyes off of the enemy. That was the moment Ali sprinted towards her and tackled her to the snowy ground. She sat on top of her stomach and lifted her hands up in victory.

"We win!" Ali cheered. "Good job, Sammy." Ali said and smirked at her wife. 

"I've been betrayed." Ashlyn hissed. 

"You need to stop assuming our son would choose you over me. We are the champions and you are the loser!" Ali gloated. The two women were always competitive with each other. This victory tasted sweet to Ali. 

"Alright, alright. You win. Let me up!" Ashlyn said. She struggled with her wife to get up. She immediately went straight for Samuel. "How could you, Bam?"

Poor Samuel had no idea what was going on. Ali had told him what to say, but he didn't know that his Mommy would use it as an opportunity to take out his Mama. He was just trying to have fun. 

"He didn't do anything, except earn himself a chocolate chip cookie." Ali said and pinched her wife's arm as she walked by. "Come on Sammy, let's get some dessert. I've worked up an appetite beating your Mama."

Ash just shook her head. She was about to join her wife and youngest son when she felt two snowballs hit her at the same time. Her other two children were out to get her, too. Jacob had convinced Lexi to team up with him to attack their Mama.

"Oh, this means war!" Ashlyn declared. 

She charged for the fort to teach her children a lesson. Jacob picked up his sister to use her as a human shield. He knew, like Ali, that Ashlyn wouldn't hit a small child with a snowball. At least that's' what he thought, anyway.

Apparently, Ash WOULD hit a small child with a snowball. She tossed it lightly, but she definitely hit her. 

The traitor children had left their ammo supply behind to try to get away from Ashlyn. This meant that Ashlyn now had the protection of the fort AND their snowball supply. She went crazy. Her arm turned into a snowball machine gun. The children had no other option but to make a run for the safety of the house. 

What Jacob and Lexi didn't know was that Ali had locked the door. They should have expected something when they saw their little brother with bright red cheeks, covering his mouth with his hand trying to hide his giggles. As they approached the door, it became clear that they weren't gonna make it. 

Jacob banged on the glass door with his glove covered hands. He used his own body to shield his little sister from the revenge that was coming his way. Ali didn't want to let her children get destroyed by her wife, so she waited until she saw that Ashlyn was close and then opened the door for them. She had to admit that it was fun being the prankster for once. 

Ali offered to make hot chocolate with marshmallows on top as a peace offering. The family spent the rest of the evening thawing out and eating cookies.

...

After the kids had gone to bed Ali offered to give her wife a massage. Ashlyn had been so good to her lately. She had been patient and supportive through out the entire process of Ali trying to get pregnant.

"Baby, I want to thank you for being so great over these last couple of months. I couldn't have made it through without you." Ali said. She continued to kneed her wife's shoulders trying to work out all of the knots.

"That's what I'm here for, Babe." Ash answered. She felt like she was in heaven. Ali was spoiling her.

"So I've been thinking and..." Ali hesitated for just a moment before continuing, "I think I need to stop trying. I think now just isn't the right time." Ali said with a hint of sadness in her voice. 

She didn't realize that she had stopped rubbing her wife's shoulders. Ashlyn exhaled loudly and turned to face her wife.

"Are you sure that's what you want?" She asked. 

"Yes." Ali said and bowed her head down in defeat.

"Talk to me, Alex. How did you come to this decision?" Ash asked. Once again she had the difficult task of being supportive without pushing Ali in either direction.

"I had so much fun today." Ali said. This was not the answer Ashlyn was expecting. She clarified, "I think it was because I was living in the moment and enjoying our family as it is. I don't feel I should sacrifice what we have..." Ashlyn noticed her wife's eyes begin to water. 

Ali took a second to catch her breath. "Ash, I feel like right now isn't the right time. I know that doesn't make sense, but that's how I feel. I've been a different person trying to make this happen, and that's not fair to you or our children."

"Alex, I don't want you to make a decision based on discouraging results that you might regret in the future. You know I support you 100%. If this is what you think is best, then absolutely let's do it. But I want you to be sure." Ashlyn encouraged.

"Baby, we have spent almost $40,000 so far. I don't want to add to that number unless I know for sure that it's what's best for our family AND that we're ready. I'm sorry, but I think the right decision is to stop." Ali replied. 

Ali always worried about finances more than Ashlyn, but this was different. This was something more important than money. But how could Ashlyn argue? It was Ali's body. It was Ali's dream.

"Ok. If that's what you want." Ash answered supportively. "But you have to promise me one thing."

"Anything." Ali answered without a second thought.

"Promise me you won't stop considering the possibility." Ash said.

"Ash..." Ali whispered. She wanted to keep that promise, but she wasn't sure if she could. 

"Not forever...just for now. Promise that you will keep it a possibility." 

"Ok. I promise. But I don't want to disappoint you." Ali replied.

"You're not going to disappoint me if you do what you feel is right." Ash answered.

"I guess I can make that promise." Ali said with a small smile. 

The amount of love and support she felt from her wife in that moment was immeasurable. She felt that anything was possible with Ashlyn by her side to support her. 

Maybe even having a baby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There should be another update later today.


	175. A Dream Of A Different Kind (Part One)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Due to the subject and timing of the story, Hope Solo is mentioned in this chapter. I am purposely keeping things vague. This story is not about her legal issues or personal drama. I'm focusing on Ashlyn and not whether or not someone is guilty.

"Hello, my loves!" Ali waved to the faces of her children on the computer screen.

"Mommy, I miss you!" Lexi announced.

"I miss you more!" Sam shouted.

"Dude, relax." Jacob said and rubbed his ear that just happened to be right next to his little brother's loud mouth.

"Be nice, Jacob." Ali got serious with her son and then gave her youngest son her attention, and with a gentle tone said, "Try to be quieter, Sweetheart."

"Where's Mama?" Sam asked. He was hoping to tell funny stories with her.

"She's at a keeper's meeting. She might be a while." Ali replied.

The USWNT was in London for a couple of friendlies to try and do a few quick tune-up games before the World Cup. Ash and Ali had been away from home for a few days and they were really missing their children. 

Ashlyn would've preferred to be sitting on her and Ali's hotel room bed, talking to their children instead of sitting through a boring meeting. 

"I wanted to play you guys my new song." Jake said disappointedly. 

A lot of times he reminded Ali and Ashlyn of Samuel. When Sam gets excited about something he can't wait to tell his parents about it. A child wanting to share something special with his parent is something that should never be taken for granted. Both Ash and Ali knew it was important to give them the attention and validation they craved from them. They thought their children's hobbies, joys, and concerns were important, because they thought their children were important.

"Why don't you make a video and send it to us. That way we can watch it over and over again. I know it will mean a lot to your Mama that you thought of her." Ali suggested.

"Yeah, I guess." Jacob mumbled. He was really looking forward to sharing his new song.

"Sweetheart, this way we can watch it whenever we want, and you can give us a live version on a later Skype call. I know your Mama will want to see it about a hundred times." Ali tried to brighten up the disposition of her gloomy teenager.

"Ok. I guess that's cool, too." Jake replied. He seemed to like the idea a little better.

"Ok, my perfect babies. I need to get going. Mama and I will call you later to tuck you in. Lex and Sammy, Mama said she's gonna tell you a bed time story. So get ready for a great adventure!" 

The two youngest members of the Krieger-Harris family loved Ashlyn's story telling. They were usually the heroes of the adventures their Mama came up with. They couldn't wait to find out what Ashlyn had planned for them. 

The family finished saying their good-byes and Ali got ready for dinner. She texted Ashlyn and told her to meet her there. She was anxious to hear about the keeper's meeting her wife had been at for the last two hours.

...

"I can't believe you guys are getting married in three months!" Ali gushed. She pulled Alex's hand in for a closer look at her engagement ring.

"I know. It's crazy. I think I'm driving Tobin insane with all the planning. I'm afraid she might change her mind by the time the wedding date gets here." Alex laughed.

Both Ali and Alex snuck a peek at Tobin who was completely consumed with Amy's son. The two of them were playing with Tobin's mashed potatoes. Ali always thought that Tobin was a natural with children. She witnessed this fact firsthand with her son, Samuel. Tobin and Sam had a special bond.

"I can't wait to have children with her." Alex said quietly to Ali. Alex noticed a sad smile on her friends face. She didn't have to ask, Ali explained her reaction voluntarily.

"Ash and I have been trying to get pregnant." Ali whispered. "More specifically, I have been trying to get pregnant."

"Really? That's so exciting!" Alex said.

"More like disappointing." Ali replied. "We've tried three times and it hasn't worked. It's horrible. Ash has been amazing, of course. But I feel like a failure."

"Don't say that." Alex didn't know what else to say. She pulled on her fiancé's hand to get her to pay attention to the conversation, and hopefully come up with some sort of comforting words for their friend. 

Tobin caught on to her future wife's subtle request. She held tightly to the little boy in her lap and gave Alex and Ali her attention.

"Ash, doesn't want me to stop trying, but I don't know if I can do it anymore. And I know for a fact it's upsetting Jacob. He feels like I think him, Lex, and Sam aren't enough."

"I'm sure that's not true." Alex argued.

"It's true. He's a kid, who has been through a lot in his life. He is just really starting to feel secure and completely accepted in our family. After all he's been through...I don't want to hurt him." Ali explained.

Tobin cleared her throat and made her way into the conversation. "He's a kid. Most kids have a period where they worry the new baby will get more attention and love from their parents." Tobin took a bite from her cream cheese covered bagel and said, "Plus he knows the pain of being rejected by his parents, his biological parents, anyway. I would have been surprised if he didn't have concerns."

Tobin was right. She was absolutely right.

The women's conversation was interrupted by the appearance of Ali's favorite keeper. Ash greeted her with a smile and a quick kiss on the cheek, before taking a seat in the empty chair next to her.

"How was your meeting?" Ali asked.

Ashlyn looked uncomfortable as she chewed on her thumbnail. Ali noticed right away.

Ash answered her wife with a vague statement. "It was ok. Long."

Ali leaned in close to her wife and rested her hand on Ashlyn's leg. She whispered, "Is everything ok?" 

Ashlyn looked around at their mostly empty table and decided to answer. She put her elbows on the table and stole a sip of her wife's water before saying, "Hope isn't coming."

The team had heard that she was going to show up late, but no one had given them any information about why. The rumor was wrong. She wasn't going to show up at all.

"Why?" Alex asked. She was as bad as Ali when it came to wanting to know all of the gossip.

"I don't know. They coached me all afternoon on how to talk to the media. I hate it." Ash answered.

"What are they telling you to say?" Ali pressed her wife for more information. Ashlyn didn't want any part of spreading her friend's misfortune.

"I don't really want to talk about it, right now." Ash answered. 

Ali could tell that her wife was upset. She quickly changed the subject. 

The table spent the rest of dinner talking about Alex and Tobin's upcoming wedding. Ashlyn didn't say much. Her focus was on picking at the plate of food Ali had insisted she get, even though Ashlyn had said she wasn't hungry.

...

Ali and Ashlyn returned to their hotel room to change for an evening out with their teammates. Ash stayed quiet while they got ready. Ali's voice broke the silence.

"Baby, are you sure you're up to going out tonight? If you want we can stay in." 

"Whatever you want." Ash replied. She really didn't want to go anywhere. 

"Ashlyn." Ali didn't have to say anything more. Ash could hear it in her tone. She needed to let her wife in on what was bothering her.

Ash sat on the bed that the two of them shared, and started to play with her wedding ring. "I hate that this is how it's happening."

Ali took a seat next to her wife and used a finger to make random patterns on Ashlyn's forearm, before asking, "What do you mean?"

"I am finally getting my shot, and I have to be careful about how I address the media. They said that people are going to tell me that I don't deserve to be here, and that they're going to ask about Hope's personal life..." Ash couldn't finish her thought. She was too anxious about the whole thing. 

This was a big moment in her career, but she felt like she couldn't enjoy it because of the way that it came about.

"Ash, you earned this. Whether it's an injury or something else that keeps Hope from playing, you've earned this. You're here for a reason." Ali said. She took her wife's hand in her own and brought it to her lips to kiss.

"Alex, every single person is going to doubt that I belong in goal. They're going to think that I'm a second rate replacement." 

"Then show them that you do belong there...and by the way, not EVERY person will be doubting you. I believe in you! I know that you deserve it, and are more than good enough to be there." Ali encouraged.

Ali's faith meant everything to Ashlyn. But the truth was that she was doubting herself. She felt that not only the fans would prefer Hope in goal, but also her teammates.

"Baby, you're thinking too much." Ali took her wife's face with both of her hands and made sure Ashlyn was looking her in the eye. "Every time we play, we prove that we belong out there. Every single time. Whatever the circumstances that surround us, we show our team, our coaches, and the world that we deserve to be there. This is no different."

Ashlyn took in what her wife said. She let her words absorb into her thoughts. Ali was absolutely right. Nothing ever came easy. This wasn't a new scenario for her, it was just more visible to the public eye. 

"You're right. I can do this. I just hope I don't say the wrong thing." Ash replied to her wife. "I think that's the thing I'm most nervous about. Everybody's gonna be asking me questions that I don't know the answer to."

"Did they tell you why Hope isn't here?" Ali asked.

"They said she called at the last minute and told them she was sick. But it kinda sounded like they thought there might be more going on. I'm just trying to do me. Ya know? All I can do is my job, but I feel like people are gonna be mad at me because I'm here and she's not."

"You can't worry about that. This is your chance to show everyone how great you really are." Ali gave her wife a kiss and stood up from the bed. "So are we going out, or what?"

"Whatever you want, Princess." 

They ended up joining a few teammates for drinks that night. Ali noticed that her wife seemed to be feeling better. She knew that things might be awkward for Ash if others asked her about the team's missing goalkeeper, but she also knew that Ashlyn would handle it with grace.

...

After drinks Ash and Ali invited Tobin and Alex to their room. Ali had promised a bedtime story to the children, and with the time difference that meant a Skype call at about 2am. The engaged couple helped them pass the time.

"So Ali told us that you guys are thinking about having a baby." Tobin said and threw a wadded up piece of paper at Ashlyn.

"Oh really?" Ash gave her wife a questioning look. "I didn't know we were telling people."

"It's Tobin and Alex...they're not people...they're family." Ali reasoned.

Ashlyn laughed. She couldn't disagree with that.

"Besides," Ali added, "it's not looking like it's gonna happen, anyway. So why does it matter?" 

Ashlyn took this opportunity to sit on top of her wife's head. Ali was resting on their bed and Ashlyn made a great effort to put her butt right in her wife's face without putting too much of her body weight on her.

"What the heck, Ash?!" Ali pushed her wife off of her and joined the rest of the room in laughter at the ridiculousness of her wife.

"You're not allowed to be sad, right now. We're gonna be playing in the World Cup soon." Ash said.

"I'm not sad. I'm just a little bummed. It's the right decision for our family." Ali replied.

"Why do you say that?" Tobin asked. Alex knocked her with her elbow. She thought her fiancé was being too intrusive.

"It's fine." Ali answered right away to let Alex know that Tobin didn't offend her. "It's best because of how disappointing it is when I fail. And I feel like a different person, which isn't good for our kids...or for Ashlyn." 

"Wait...what?" Ashlyn stopped her wife and asked, "What do you mean it's not good for me?"

"It's hard on you. You pretend that it's not. But I know it is." Ali explained. "Besides, Jake is really against it."

"Why do you say that?" Ash asked. 

"He thinks we're trying to replace him and the other kids." 

"Alex, no he doesn't." Ashlyn replied. "I've spoken to him about this. He's worried about YOU."

Ali looked thoroughly confused. "But he said..." Ali tried to think back about what he actually did say. He asked her why she wasn't happy. Maybe Ashlyn was right. Maybe her unhappiness was the reason for Jacob's discouragement about Ali trying to get pregnant.

"Well, now I feel bad." Ali finally said after a long pause. "I really thought he was against the idea."

"He kinda was." Ash said. "But only because he thought it was hurting you. You know how protective he is."

That was very true. Jacob's main concern was always for the well-being of his family. Ali felt like maybe she had some re-thinking to do. But now definitely wasn't the time. They needed to focus on a dream of a different kind. It was soccer's turn to be the main focus for Ali and Ashlyn.

"Can we talk about something else?" Ali asked. She needed a change of subject or else the whole 'baby' thing would consume her. 

The women spent the rest of their time together talking about everything you could think of. Ali checked her phone every few minutes in excited anticipation for her children's Skype call. 

They should be calling any minute now...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now is the time to get any prompts in that you might have. I'm planning out the last chapters. 
> 
> As always, thanks for reading...


	176. A Dream Of A Different Kind (Part Two)

Ali listened to her wife dramatically tell the newest adventure of 'The Amazing Lex and Super Sam-Bam.' Her youngest children were hugging each other in nervousness on the other side of their Skype call, as Ashlyn described the dark and damp cave the two superhero children found themselves in. 

"Drip. Drip. Water fell from the ceiling like drops of blood." Ashlyn said and got close to the screen. 

Sam and Alex turned toward each other and said, "Ew, yuck!" at the same time.

Ashlyn whispered, "The two young heroes could hear the beat of their hearts. Thump. Thump. Thump."

The kid's eyes grew wide with anticipation. 

"The Amazing Lex felt the breath of a creature on her neck. It's form was covered by the darkness. She tried to call for the help of her faithful brother but Sam-Bam was frozen in his place..." Just as Ashlyn was about to continue she was interrupted by her favorite four year old.

"Mama, I'm frozen?" Sam asked.

"You're frozen like you're still. Not frozen like you're cold." Ash explained.

"Oh. Ok." Sam replied. He put one arm in the air and pretended like he was unable to move. Ash and Ali couldn't help but laugh.

Ashlyn's exciting build up was gone. This happened all the time. As good of a story teller as Ash was, her children knew that there was nothing scary about her. She was the biggest softy in the house. Their innocent questions and remarks always made the stories more fun, than intense. 

Ashlyn finished the story and the couple gave their children lots of kisses through the computer screen. They quickly fell asleep after the call. They were both exhausted from a long day of soccer and staying up late to be good parents to their children.

...

The next day was game day. Ashlyn got a shutout, but all anyone wanted to ask her about was Hope. She was thankful for the opportunity, but it hurt that her efforts didn't seem to matter to anyone else. Ali didn't hesitate to remind her that it did matter to someone else. 

It mattered to her.

"Great game, Baby!" Ali kissed her wife hard on the lips and pulled her in for a tight hug.

There were no cameras or media people to hide from. Ali could be as affectionate as she wanted in the privacy of the team's locker room. It was more affection than they usually showed with the rest of the team around, but Ali felt her wife might need it. 

"Thanks." Ash quietly replied. 

"Ash, this is your time. Forget all that stuff that they're saying out there. They don't know anything." Ali said.

"I'm fine. It's just...humbling, I guess." Ash replied. She chewed a little on her lower lip and added, "You know you work so hard and maintain the mentality that you can do anything, and then when you do accomplish something everyone is still talking about someone else." Ash sighed loudly. "It's humbling. I don't know how else to put it."

"Well, none of that stuff matters, and you know it. What matters is that you're here now, and you're getting results. You might not be the most popular person to the world right now, but who cares. You're the one who's playing. And you're the one who just helped us win. You had some great saves today, and NO ONE can argue that." Ali was passionate about her wife's talent. She didn't try to hide it around anyone. 

"Thanks, Babe. I'm just gonna do my best and try to stay focused on the important things." Ash finished changing and waited for Ali to do the same. 

Today was a day to celebrate, not to focus on things that were out of her control. 

...

"Baby, I almost forgot!" Ali jumped up from their bed and grabbed her laptop.

Ashlyn and Whitney stared at her like she was crazy. The three of them had been discussing their traveling arrangements for Tobin and Alex's wedding when Ali abruptly interrupted them.

Ashlyn watched her wife bring her computer over with an undeniable excitement. She was ecstatic.

"What the heck has gotten into you?" Ash asked.

Ali settled back in next to Ashlyn and set her computer on her lap. She opened up her email and then answered, "Jacob sent us a video of his latest song. I haven't had time to watch it yet."

"That's so cool!" Whitney said. She had heard of Jacob's talent before, but had never had the opportunity to see it in action.

Once the three women situated themselves so they all had a good view of the screen, Ali pressed play.

Jacob's video was him sitting at his new keyboard that his parents gave him for his birthday, and singing a song he wrote based on a conversation he had with Ashlyn. The song was called 'Room Enough,' and it was about how a heart never runs out of room for those it loves. 

Ali listened to the song and felt as if God, Himself, was telling her that there was room in their family for another child. The recent 'signs' were all pointing to Ali not giving up on her dream to get pregnant. 

Ashlyn replayed the song about ten times and bragged about how talented he was, and how one day he would change the world with his music. Ali, though she agreed with her wife whole-heartedly, had other things on her mind. 

Whitney could feel the change of tension in the air. She wisely excused herself and gave the couple some privacy.

As soon as the door closed behind Whit, Ali asked, "Ashlyn, why do you think he wrote a song about that?" 

"We were talking about it." Ash answered simply. She was not as observant as her friend about her wife's serious attitude.

"Baby, why were you talking about that?" Ali asked for a little more of an explanation.

"We were talking about how you can run out of just about anything, but you can never run out of love. There's always enough to go around. I told him about how when we were first married and we lived in that little apartment, and how we barely had enough room for your shoe collection." Ash started laughing at her wife's expense.

Ali didn't seem to mind, she just wanted Ashlyn to finish the story. 

"And I told him love and people aren't like our little apartment and your shoes." Ash said and laughed some more. "There's always room for more, when love is the house you're living in." 

Now it was Ali's turn to laugh. "That's the cheesiest thing I have ever heard!" 

"Maybe so, but it's true." Ash replied. 

"Yes, it is." Ali shook her head as if she didn't even believe what she was about to say, "Do you think we should try again? Should we try to make room for some more shoes in the apartment?" 

"Babe, that's not how the analogy works..." Ash was about to explain it to her one more time when she realized what her wife had just said. "Wait a minute. You wanna try to have another baby again?"

"I think so." Ali said. "I'm sorry to go back and forth like this. I just feel like EVERYTHING is saying that we should." 

"Ok."

"Ok?" 

"Ok."

"Ashlyn, I'm gonna need a little more than an 'ok.'" Ali exclaimed.

"Alright." Ashlyn said. She couldn't help it. She loved messing with her wife almost as much as she loved the idea of having a baby with her.

Ali tackled Ashlyn and threatened her life. Ash quickly gave a more confirmed answer that she was on board with the idea to keep trying. 

The two of them were suddenly VERY happy that their friend had left them alone. It allowed them some private intimate time together before their next Skype call with their family.

...

The final game of their World Cup tune up trip in London was another shut-out. Ashlyn was playing better than ever. She was in the zone. Her teammates, not just Ali, were noticing. The coaching staff was noticing, too.

Ali and Ashlyn were in the middle of packing up their stuff when they heard a knock on the door. After looking through the peephole and discovering it was Tobin, Ali let the visitor in.

"I wanted to drop this off before we left." Tobin said and handed an envelope to Ashlyn.

"You're not gonna ask me to marry you, are ya?" Ashlyn joked. Tobin had proposed to Alex through a series envelopes and this felt a little too familiar.

"Yeah, right. You wish." Tobin replied. "Anyway, I gotta go. See you dudes later!" 

And just like that their chill visitor was gone.

"She's crazy." Ash said and stuck the envelope in her back pocket.

"You're not gonna read it?" Ali asked. 

"I'm gonna finish packing. That's what I'm gonna do." Ashlyn continued to stuff wadded up clothing in her duffle bag.

Ali couldn't stand to wait. She swiped the letter from her wife's pocket and opened it. 

"Excuse you!" Ashlyn snapped. She really didn't care. She just enjoyed giving her nosey wife a hard time.

"Baby, you should read this." Ali said. She sounded serious. 

Ashlyn put the pair of pants down that she had in her hands and took the small piece of paper from her wife's hand. Tobin's messy handwriting was written on a piece of notepad paper from the hotel. 

"Typical Tobin." Ash mumbled. As soon as she read the message she said it again. "Typical Tobin."

Ali nodded in agreement.

The paper had a simple message.

"Whether Hope is here or not, our team will have the best keeper on the pitch guarding our net. I believe in YOU."

Ashlyn folded up the paper and tucked it securely in her wallet. She would need it in the near future to remind her that she had the support of her team behind her.

She was ready for the World Cup!


	177. World Cup (Or Bust)

"Mama! Mommy!" Samuel yelled over and over again at baggage claim in the airport.

Ashlyn and Ali had just arrived home from their trip to London with the USWNT. Ali's Dad brought all the kids to pick them up. Each child had their own sign they had made themselves. 

Sam's sign had a picture he painted of a big soccer ball. Jake and Lex both had signs with actual words on them welcoming the women home. Sam dressed up in a tie and said he was a 'shoe-fer.' Jacob explained that he meant chauffeur. Either way, he was the cutest little guy in the place. He made both his mother's hold one of his hands while the walked to the car.

Once the family returned home, Ashlyn suggested they have a massive family cuddle session. Ali and Ash spent the entire day letting their children show them all the 'cool' stuff they missed. Jacob played them the live version of his new song. Lexi showed off her A+ spelling test, and Samuel showed them that he learned how to break dance while they were away. During Sam's dance, Ashlyn whispered to Ali that their youngest son looked like a turtle upside down, spinning on its shell, and flailing its legs. 

After the excited Krieger-Harris kids unloaded all the the things they had saved to share with their parents in person, the family had a low key movie day. Both Ali and Ashlyn were fighting a mean case of jet-lag and were fighting against the urge to sleep. They needed to stay awake if they hoped to get back on schedule. 

During the movie, Ali noticed her wife had lost the fight to stay awake. She gave her youngest son the ever important mission of waking her up. 

Ashlyn woke up to her son's little hands smashing and stretching her cheeks back and forth.

"What are you doing, Bam?" Ash asked sleepily. She was too tired to try to stop him. 

"Mommy said you have to wake up." The little boy explained. 

"Baby, why don't you shovel the sidewalk? That will for sure wake you up." Ali suggested.

"It's too cold." Ashlyn mumbled and laid her head down on her wife's shoulder. Ash, Ali, and Sam were watching the movie on the couch, while Lex and Jake laid on the floor playing a card game. 

"That's exactly why you should do it. It'll wake you up." Ali replied.

"Mama, can I help?" Lexi asked. She had been wanting to help Ashlyn with snow shoveling for awhile. For some reason it appealed to the girl. 

Unfortunately for Ashlyn, she not only promised her daughter that she could help, but Lexi seemed to think this was the moment Ash would fulfill her promise. Ashlyn was never one to disappoint her kids.

"This is your fault." Ash whispered to her wife. "Sure, Princess. Ask Mommy to help you get bundled up." Ash said to Lexi.

She slowly worked her way up from her warm comfortable spot on the couch. Samuel held tightly to her neck and hung off of her once she was fully standing. 

After Samuel begged to help, Ali announced that the whole family would be joining in on the shoveling fun.

Once they had all put on their snow gear, Ashlyn said, "Babe, we only have two shovels. Not that you would know that." Ash laughed. Ali wasn't the 'snow-shoveling' type.

"Whatever. The rest of us will play in the snow." Ali said and gave her wife a kiss on her scarf covered face.

"Whatever you say, dear." Ashlyn answered dutifully. 

With Lexi and Samuel as the main 'helpers' it took much longer to shovel than usual, but the cold weather served its purpose. Ashlyn and Ali were wide awake. 

...

The next morning was a school day and both women were glad they had stayed up as long as they could the night before without falling asleep, but it made it even harder to get up. Ashlyn sleepily helped Lexi and Samuel get dressed, while Ali made breakfast and Jake set the table. 

"Mom, I was thinking." Jake said as he filled up his brother and sister's cups with orange juice. "I think we should get to go to Canada with you and Mama. I won't have to miss that much school, and you'll need help watching Sam." 

Usually, the two older kids stayed home when Ali and Ashlyn had USWNT camps and tournaments. Samuel joined them on the longer trips because he was too young to be away from them for a long time. He was also too wild to leave for someone else to watch for a long time. Jake and Lexi hated missing out. 

"Sweetheart, that's too much school for you to miss." Ali answered.

"No, it's not. We can get all my work ahead of time, and Rachel can help me with what I miss. Come on, Mom. This is the World Cup, there's nothing more important." Jacob begged.

"Your education is more important." Ali answered without hesitation.

"And I'm saying that being away won't affect my education." Jake argued. He was signed up for summer school to help him get caught up in school. The tournament landed right in the middle of it.

Ashlyn, Lex, and Sam interrupted the conversation with airplane noises and train whistles. Ash had both children in her arms and made sure her passengers each gave Ali a kiss before sitting down. 

"What did we miss?" Ash asked. She could tell her wife and son were in the middle of a somewhat serious conversation.

"Nothing." Jake grumbled. 

"We'll talk about it later." Ali said and gave her wife a mug filled with coffee, followed by a quick kiss on the cheek.

After breakfast, the kids had school and their parents wasted no time getting back to the gym. After a hard workout they went grocery shopping to restock the refrigerator. After dropping off the food they headed to Samuel's school to pick him up. 

"I can't wait for nap time." Ash sighed. She was already envisioning curling up with her favorite nap buddy and dreaming of being somewhere warm and cozy, where snow didn't exist. 

"Soon, Baby, soon. Just try not to fall asleep while driving." Ali replied and took her wife's hand and brought it to her lap.

"Hey, by the way, what were you and Jake talking about at breakfast this morning?" Ash asked.

"He was begging to come to the World Cup with us."

"You didn't tell him?" Ash asked.

"Nope. I told him that it's too much school for him to miss. I think he might've resorted to begging if you guys hadn't interrupted us." 

"When do you wanna tell them?" Ash asked.

"I want to surprise them when my Dad's around. We can have him over for dinner tonight, if you want." Ali said.

"Sounds like a plan. I can't wait to tell them!" 

...

That night after dinner with the whole family, including Ali's dad, Ashlyn and Ali made an announcement. Ali passed out wrapped boxes and handed them out to each family member at the table.

"Open them." Ali instructed. 

Each person had two US jerseys in their own size sitting in the box in front of them. 

"Cool!" Sam exclaimed! He pulled out Ashlyn's keeper jersey and held it up. They each received a box that contained Ali and Ashlyn's jersey.

Jacob was suspicious that there was more going on than getting new jerseys. He waited for confirmation.

Ashlyn cleared her throat and said, "Your Mom and I would like to invite you to come along with us to Canada. Grandpa and Grandma agreed to take good care of you while we're busy."

Jake immediately looked at Ali and asked, "Really?" 

"Hey!" Ashlyn snapped her fingers right in front of her son's face. "Don't ask her. I just told you what's gonna happen." 

Ali held in a laugh and gave her oldest son a wink. He held his tongue and sat quietly in his seat celebrating the fact that he was gonna be able to attend the world's most important soccer tournament. Not only that, but he would get to watch it as the son of two of it's biggest stars. 

The wonder of it all wasn't lost on him. Lexi and Samuel were too young and used to big soccer events with their parents, but Jacob knew how amazing it really was. He couldn't wait to experience it with his family.

He didn't know how he was going to make it through the next few months of waiting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time is gonna start moving pretty quickly from now on. No more snow for Ashlyn after this. :)


	178. Wedding Bells

Ashlyn and Samuel were both a part of Alex and Tobin's wedding. Sam was the ring-bearer and he was proud that he got to stand up front with his Mama. Ashlyn was one of Tobin's bridesmaids, along with her sisters and Lauren Holiday. 

Sam stood directly in front of Ashlyn. Her hands rested on his shoulders. He kept one hand holding tightly to a few of Ashlyn's fingers and the other hand he used to wave to all the people in the crowd he recognized. Ash had the difficult task of making sure he didn't steal the show. She figured that if anyone complained she would blame Tobin and Alex. They knew how ridiculously cute her son was and they're the ones who still decided to put him up front.

During the vows, Ali thought about her and Ashlyn's wedding. She thought about how in love they were on that day. She smiled when she thought about how in love they are now. She caught her wife's eye and nodded knowingly. Ali knew Ashlyn was thinking the exact same thing.

Alex and Tobin wrote their own vows. Alex read 1 Corinthians 13 from the Bible and promised Tobin she would love her that way. Tobin said five words. "My whole heart is your's." She drew a heart with her index finger on Alex's palm before placing the wedding ring on her finger. Tobin's five word vow was enough. It was a reminder of what she had already promised Alex when she proposed. She wanted those words to be saved for Alex only. Tobin kept the most intimate part of her heart for Alex alone.

Their pastor closed the ceremony with a time of prayer and reflection on the greatest gift that we can give one another. 

The gift of love. 

He invited the married couples in the audience to recommit their loyalty and partnership to each other. He also dared everyone in the church to consider a world without love. He convinced the group that the cost is much higher to withhold love from others, than to give it freely. 

The wedding was just as Tobin and Alex had wanted. It wasn't simply about them, but about love. It was a celebration, but also a challenge. 

A challenge to choose to love people. 

All people. 

...

The reception was a total party. Alex danced with her father and Tobin had planned to dance with her brother. At the last moment, Tobin's mother asked if she could do the honors. Tobin didn't know she had made it to the wedding. She sat in the back and watched as her daughter gave her heart away.

"Tobin, I've been wanting to apologize to you." She said as they danced. Alex was on the other side of the dance floor sneaking peeks at her new wife and mother-in-law in between talking to her father. 

"You're here." Was all that Tobin could think to say.

"I couldn't talk your Dad into coming, even though I know he really wanted to." Her mother explained. "It's different for us, Tobin. We've been taught certain things, and have accepted them, and..." The woman had to stop for a brief moment to try to figure out how to say what was on her heart. "Tobin, God's heart is filled with love for you. And so is mine. I may not understand everything about you, but I know I've been wrong in the way I've treated you. It simply doesn't matter if we agree on everything. What matters is that you are my daughter and nothing will ever change the way I feel about you."

She didn't say that she agreed with Tobin's choice to love Alex, but she made it clear that she accepted it. 

Tobin didn't say much in reply to her mother's step towards reconciliation. She felt that the day belonged to Alex and she wasn't going to focus on anything other than the happiness her new wife had brought her.

At the end of the song, Mrs. Heath felt a tap on her shoulder. 

"Excuse me, Mrs. Heath. There's a young man here that would like to cut in." Ashlyn said and raised the hand of her smallest son into the air. Tobin was thankful for the interruption and knelt down to give her smallest fan a hug.

Tobin's Mom graciously left and Tobin kissed her little boyfriend's cheek. Ashlyn offered her hand to help her up and Tobin leaned into her for a hug, too. She whispered 'thank you' into her friend's ear and then gave her attention to Samuel. 

Sam showed off his dance moves and was soon joined by the other bride. Alex took one of Sam's hands and Tobin held onto the other. The three of them danced several song together. Samuel felt like the most important person there. The two stars of the night were giving him all of their attention.

While Samuel was breaking it down with the brides, Jacob and Ali paired up, and Ashlyn and Lexi got their groove on together, as well. 

Ali used the private moment with her son to have a sweet conversation with him.

"I'm really proud of you, Jacob. One day you're gonna be the one getting married and I'm gonna be crying my eyes out." Ali started to tear up just thinking about it.

"That's about a million years away, Mom." Jake shook his head in disbelief. His mother was being too emotional for his taste.

"I'm being serious!" Ali said. She and her son were in the typical dancing position. His hands around her waist, her arms around his neck. They were basically dancing in a loose hug.

"I know, Mom." Jacob replied. He was trying to get his extra sensitive parent to chill out a little bit.

"Jacob, there will be times when we might not agree about things, but you better know that I will always love you and want the very best for you. I believe amazing things for you, Sweetheart. You are an amazing young man." Ali couldn't stop singing the boy's praises. 

He had really impressed her with his natural talent, but even more so with his work ethic and attitude. After everything he had been through growing up, he never once used it as an excuse to receive special treatment or to get away with bad behavior. 

"Thanks." Jake replied. His answer was short, but Ali could tell he was really feeling grateful for her love and support.

Nearby Lexi held on to Ashlyn's hand and gracefully spun around in tight circles. Her dress seemed to be floating with each spin. She was the real dancer of the family. Lexi had a few of the flowers from Ashlyn's bridesmaid bouquet in her hair and looked just like a princess. Jacob got Ali's attention and nodded towards Ashlyn and Lexi. The two of them stopped dancing and watched Lexi own the dance floor. Even Tobin, Alex, and Sam stopped dancing. The moment between Ashlyn and her princess was breathtaking. Now it was Ashlyn's turn to get emotional. 

By the end of the song, Ashlyn's face was dripping in tears. Her daughter was growing up way too fast. She didn't even want to think about the day when she would be the one giving her child away in marriage. 

Ali saw Ashlyn's distress and offered a supportive hug to her wife. "We're in trouble." Ali said.

"Yes, we are." Ashlyn said through a half laugh-cry.

The women spent a few dances in each other's arms and let Jacob watch over his younger siblings. Once they had both had a chance to catch their breath Ashlyn asked, "You ready to start all over again?"

"One more baby to weep over as they grow up?" Ali said and then answered herself. "Absolutely!" The two women shared a kiss and a promise to savor as many moments as they can with their children as they grow up. 

...

After lots of dancing and dinner, the newlyweds split up to visit with their guests. Tobin's first stop was the Krieger-Harris table. She sat down in Sam's seat and let him sit in her lap. 

"Thank you Sam for being such a great ring-bearer today. Everyone thought you were the best ring-bearer they've ever seen!" Tobin said and then tickled the little boy's stomach. It took a few moments for the boy to stop giggling but once he did, he got serious. 

"You're pretty, Toby." He said. Tobin kissed his cheek and the little boy turned bright red. Tobin was his first crush and she always made an effort to make him feel special. 

"Thank you, Bam. Do you think Alex looks pretty, too?" She asked. She knew that he always only tolerated Alex when she was around. He liked having Tobin all to himself. However, Ali had tried in the past to get him to be more accepting of her. 

"Yeah, she looks pretty, too." Sam answered nonchalantly. The adults at the table were impressed by the little boy's confession.

Tobin was wagging her eyebrows at Ashlyn when she felt Sam's little fingers tap on her shoulder. "What's up, little dude?" Tob asked the boy.

"Are you and Alex married now like my Mama and Mommy?" He asked.

"Yep. Just like them." Tobin replied.

The little boy thought really hard and then asked, "Are you gonna have a baby like my Mama and Mommy?"

Jacob coughed loudly and then spent a few seconds clearing his throat. He caught both his mothers looking right at him. He shook his head 'no' and silently but dramatically denied that he had said a word to his siblings. 

Tobin didn't know what to say to the little guy, so she was more than happy to have Ali address the issue. 

"Sweetheart," Ali said to her youngest child. " Where did you hear about a baby?"

"I'm a baby...well, I'm a big boy now, but I was a baby." He answered simply. Both Ash and Ali released a nervous breath. Apparently, the boy had no idea about their current plans, he was simply talking about himself. Ash grabbed Jacob's shoulder to let him know he was off the hook.

Tobin felt comfortable enough to finally answer the boy. "We are probably gonna have some babies. But for now we're gonna have fun being married for awhile." 

"Ok!" Sam answered excitedly and gave Tobin a high five. He had no idea about the anxiety his innocent four year old question had caused his parents and older brother. 

...

Once the reception had ended and the newly married couple was sent off on their honeymoon, the family made their way to Ali's brother's place. The wedding was a short drive from Kyle's new place, so they used it as an opportunity to spend the rest of their short weekend trip with him. It was a late arrival, but Kyle welcomed them all happily and showed them where they would be sleeping. After the children had gone to sleep, Ashlyn and Ali went for a warm evening walk.

"If I get pregnant we are going to have to explain a lot more to our children then the new arrival of a baby." Ali said. 

Ever since Samuel mentioned the baby subject at the reception Ali had been thinking too much.

"You mean we have to tell them they're adopted." Ash clarified.

"Yes." Ali said. She felt like she wanted to throw up.

"We are gonna have to tell them eventually." Ash replied.

"I know. I guess I always imagined it being when our kids were old enough to have the birds and the bees talk with them. Sam and Lex aren't old enough." 

"I know." Ash sighed. "I just don't want to hurt them. I don't want them to one day wake up and think that they aren't enough, or that they aren't really our's."

That was actually Ashlyn's biggest fear. She almost felt like she was being disloyal to her children by moving forward with having another child. Growing up in the foster care system, like Ashlyn did, she witnessed the 'real' children getting special treatment over the 'fake' foster kids all the time. It hurt her to think that her children could possibly ever feel that way.

Ali noticed that her wife was zoned out. She hadn't spoken in a few minutes and seemed to be staring ahead of them at nothing in particular.

"Ashlyn, what are you thinking about?" Ali tugged on her wife's hand to get her attention.

"Huh? What?" Ash asked confused.

"What are you thinking about, Baby?" 

"I was just thinking about when I was younger. My brother and I almost felt like we were less than human around our foster parent's 'real' kids." Ash explained.

"Ash, can you stop for a second." Ali asked. She stopped walking and held tight to her wife's hand to make sure that she stopped, too.

Ashlyn stood still next to her wife and focused on a crack in the sidewalk.

"Sweetheart, can you look at me?" Ali asked. Ash didn't want to look up and admit that she was still feeling the hurt from her past.

Ali continued once she could see her wife's eyes. "Baby, that isn't going to happen in our home. ALL of our children will know that they have ALL of our love. I promise you." 

"I know. I really do." Ash replied. "I just worry about them, I guess." Ash answered. "And knowing that we are going to have to tell them that they're adopted...It scares the crap out of me. I don't want to hurt them."

"I know. We'll get through it. And we'll spend the rest of our lives proving to them how much we love them." Ali said. She placed a tender kiss on her wife's cheek and could feel the effects of her wife loosening up. She seemed to feel much better about things.

"You're right. Telling them is gonna suck. But proving our love to them will be easy, because it's the most natural thing in the world." Ash said. 

Ashlyn put her arm around her wife and headed back to Kyle's place. She wanted to give her kids a few kisses before she fell asleep next to Ali and dreamed of their family's future.


	179. Oh, Brother!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Brief strong language used.

"Mama, look at me!" Samuel yelled. 

Ashlyn took the kids to the beach and let Ali and Kyle have the morning to themselves. Because of the little ones, Ashlyn and Jake couldn't surf, but it ended up not mattering anyway due to a lack of good waves.

Ashlyn was in the middle of helping Lexi build a sand castle when her youngest son requested her attention. Ash gladly gave it to him and looked up to see him buried up to his neck in the sand. Samuel loved the fact that he was all covered up, but Ashlyn suspected that his big brother loved it even more. Jacob seemed to be looking rather mischievous.

"Oh no, Bam! Where did your body go?" Ashlyn faked worry and ran to her son. She cradled his head in her hands and said, "Now all I have is a head for a son." Ash shook her fist at the sky and wailed, "Why? Why my son?" She caressed her son's face and said, "Samuel, no matter what, always know that I will love you. My head-son."

"Mama!" Lexi said exasperated. "His body is under the sand." She explained it as if she was talking to a child and she was the adult in the situation.

"What? I'm so confused." Ash acted disoriented. "If he's under the sand then does that mean his belly is right here." Ash stuck her fingers in the sand and tickled the little guy. 

Sam wiggled and giggled. He tried to roll out of his Mama's tickle attack but he couldn't escape. "Mama, stop!" He begged between laughs.

Ashlyn did as he asked and stopped tickling the boy. She lifted him out of the sand and blew raspberries into his sandy belly. 

"Sam-Bam, you taste funny." Ash said, as she wiped her mouth.

"Mama, that's sand." Sam explained.

"Ohhhh!" Ashlyn dramatically said to show that she understood.

Ashlyn took a quick pic of her sandy son and sent it to her wife. She noticed the time and knew they needed to get back if they were going to have time for lunch before Sam's usual nap time. She also had every intention of taking a nap with him. 

...

Ali felt her phone vibrate in her pocket and opened the new message from her wife to reveal a picture of one of the cutest people on the planet. She showed her brother the photo of Samuel at the beach and took another sip of her coffee. 

"Ya know, Ash should be the one to try and get pregnant. That way I can be the donor and the baby would be half Krieger and half Harris." Kyle said, picking up from where they had left off in their conversation before Sam's adorable picture interrupted them. 

Ali had filled her brother in on the difficult time she had been having getting pregnant. Kyle thought the perfect solution was for Ashlyn to give it a try. It made perfect sense to him.

"She has offered, but she doesn't have the desire to do it like I do. It wouldn't be the same for either of us. It wouldn't be fair for me to ask her to do it. She'd be just as happy adopting again." Ali explained.

"Why don't you adopt? It would be a lot easier and maybe even cheaper with the rate you're going." Kyle replied.

"We could adopt...but I really want to carry a baby. I want to experience being pregnant and giving birth. Maybe I'm asking too much and should just be happy with the three beautiful children we already have."

"Don't give up just yet. Knowing you, you'll make it happen somehow." Kyle encouraged.

"That's one thing Ash and I do know for sure, we are not ready to give up just yet." Ali replied.

"What do you think about having Ashlyn's brother be the donor?" Kyle asked and then quickly added, "I mean if you can't have this perfection." He said and gestured toward his whole body.

"You're dumb..." Ali answered her brother's cocky comment first and then continued, "I don't think Ash would ever go for that. She is seriously weirded out by the thought of a stranger's..." Ali hesitated to think of the right word, "um...'donation' inside me. I can't even imagine how she would feel about her brother's." 

"It's not like you're gonna be actually doing the deed with him. It's a medical procedure."

"Ok, stop being gross." Ali cringed at the mental picture her brother had just put in her head. "Anyway...." Ali was desperate to change the subject. "We should probably get going. It's almost Sam and Ash's nap time."

"Wait...hold up." Kyle said and started to laugh at what he just heard. "Sam and ASH'S nap time?"

"Don't laugh. It's the sweetest thing in the world. But yes, Ashlyn takes a nap with Sam as often as possible." Ali said, as she gathered her purse and jacket to head back to Kyle's place. 

"Are you sure you want another baby? It sounds like you're already married to one." Kyle joked. Ash was like a sister to Kyle and he couldn't pass up the opportunity to give her a hard time like any good big brother would.

...

Ali and Kyle returned after Ash and the kids had been back for awhile. The place was quiet with Ash and Sam asleep in a recliner, and Jake and Lex taking pictures with Jacob's camera. Jake was always wanting to get better with his photography skills and Lexi loves to dress up and model. They were the perfect match for a quiet afternoon.

"Have you guys eaten?" Ali asked quietly, trying not to wake her wife and son.

"Yeah, we stopped at a bakery on the way home and picked up some sandwiches for lunch. Mama got you some dessert." Jake said and pointed to the counter where a paper bag held Ali's favorite pastry.

"That's sweet." Kyle said and then added, "Where's mine?" Kyle was totally joking. 

Kyle didn't expect Ashlyn to have gotten him anything, but Jake informed him otherwise. "She got you one, too."

"Aw, she's always been my favorite sister." Kyle replied. 

"Hey!" Ali said a little too loudly and smacked her brother's arm hard.

"Shhh!" Kyle scolded. "It's nap time around here." He strutted away towards the bag of pastries and prepared himself for his sister's imminent attack. 

He was absolutely right to expect Ali's retaliation. She charged at him, wrapped her arms around his waist, and wrestled him away from the treats her wife had brought home for them. The two of them struggled for a few moments until Kyle finally snatched the bag from the counter and threatened to smash the bag and it's contents. Ali put up her hands in surrender and let him have his way. He invited his sister to have a seat at the table and started a pot of coffee for the two of them. One thing about visiting Kyle that Ali could always count on was being offered a steady supply of caffeine. 

The two siblings had just spent all morning talking about everything under the sun. They sat in a comfortable silence and watched Jake and Lexi sort through the pictures they had just taken. Kyle let his eyes wander to Ashlyn who was cradling Samuel in her arms. Sam's face was tucked securely into her neck. He held loosely to a few of Ashlyn's fingers while he slept. 

"Ya know, I gotta admit." Kyle whispered and nodded to Ali's wife and son. "That is probably the sweetest thing I've ever seen."

"Yeah, I know." Ail said and smiled into her mug. "I really do wanna have her baby." Ali admitted. 

Maybe her brother's suggestion earlier wasn't so crazy after all. She was confident in her ability to convince Ashlyn of just about anything, but this might be too big a challenge for even her skills.

...

Kyle offered to watch the kids in order to let his sister and sister-in-law have some private time. Ali already knew what they would be discussing. She needed to start the evening by preparing her wife to be in an agreeable and open-minded mood. 

The date night started with a nice dinner and a lot of wine. Ali was the designated driver and stuck with one glass that she didn't even finish. Ashlyn, on the other hand, didn't hold back. It was a rare occasion for Ashlyn to drink so much. She didn't feel comfortable with not being in control of herself when she drank too much. She didn't allow herself to get drunk on this occasion, but she definitely got a little tipsy...just as Ali had planned.

"Baby, let's take a walk on the beach and watch the sun set." Ali suggested, after paying their bill. Ash was on board with the idea the moment the word 'beach' left her wife's lips.

Ali drove them in Kyle's Jeep and helped her wife balance as they walked the shore. Ali had brought a blanket along and suggested that they find a good spot to cuddle under the painted sky. 

Ashlyn was quiet as she took in the beauty around her and held her favorite Beauty in her arms. 

"Ashlyn?" Ali said. Her lips brushed against her wife's neck. 

"Hmm." Ash hummed a response. 

"I wish I could have your baby." Ali confessed. She felt her wife stiffen. 

"I wish I could give you one." Ash whispered. Alcohol always seemed to heighten her emotions. She wanted to cry at the fact that she couldn't give her wife the one thing she wanted.

"But what if you could?" Ali asked. "What if there was a way for our baby to be half Harris and half Krieger? That would be perfect, right?"

"Yeah, that would be perfect, but this is one thing I just can't do." Ashlyn was ready to give her wife a sex-ed lesson, but stopped herself when she saw the seriousness in her wife's face.

Ali lifted her weight from her wife's side and held herself up. She wanted to make sure she had eye contact with Ash before her next question. She gave her wife a small encouraging smile, as if to hint that she had the answer.

"Baby, what about asking your brother to be a donor?" Ali asked with a wish and a prayer connected to the question.

"What do you mean?"

Ali knew that Ash had understood her but this was a huge question. She needed more time to really believe that Ali had said what she thought she said.

"I mean that we could have a part of you and me, instead of some random stranger that we pick out of a list of guys. I know it's a lot to take in, but...I think it's worth thinking about." Ali replied.

"I'll think about it." Ash said. 

Ali couldn't help but notice the disgusted look her wife had on her face. She wasn't too hopeful that her wife would agree to it. Even a tipsy Ashlyn couldn't seem to accept it as a possibility.

...

The family had a quick turn around from Tobin and Alex's wedding, to visiting with Kyle, and now back at home. Ash and Ali hadn't talked about their date night conversation since leaving the beach that night. 

The first morning back was a rough one. All three children had to adjust back to their own timezone and make it to school on time and with good attitudes. The family all waited outside with Lexi until her bus came, and then the women split up to take their son's to their schools. 

Ashlyn and Ali had planned to meet at the gym after dropping the boys off, in order to get back in the swing of things, but Ash seemed to be running a little late. Ali waited as long as she could, which was about ten minutes, before calling her wife. 

Ashlyn didn't answer. 

Ali waited ten more minutes. 

Called again.

Still no answer.

Ali was about to freak out with worry when she received a text message from her wife. The message simply said, "I'm on my way. See you soon."

Ali was pacing up and down the sidewalk in front of their gym. She didn't know why she was so anxious. She figured Ashlyn probably got caught up in a conversation with one of the parents at Sam's school. Although, it did kinda irritate her that she had ignored her calls.

When the brunette saw her wife's Jeep pull in she didn't wait at the door, she jogged to meet her where she parked. Ali was at Ashlyn's car door before she even had a chance to open it. Ash saw her wife, but didn't realize she was in such a hurry. 

Ashlyn took her time getting out. She pulled down her visor and checked herself out in the mirror. She put a layer of lip balm on and popped her lips a few times. She didn't mean to drive her wife crazy, it just came naturally. 

Ali opened the door herself and said, "What the heck, Ashlyn?!"

Ali's actions made Ash jump. She really had no idea that Ali was so eager to talk to her. "Babe, you scared the crap out of me!" Ash said.

"You've been scaring the crap out of me. I was worried something happened to you." Ali replied.

"I texted you." Ash answered. 

"Before you texted me I thought something was wrong." Ali explained. She didn't realize that she was gripping Ashlyn's arm tight enough to leave marks.

"I'm sorry. I was talking to my brother. It wasn't the kind of conversation you can put on hold." Ash confessed.

Ashlyn watched her wife's face go pale. She knew Ali suspected what the subject matter of her phone call was. "What did he say?" Ali whispered with wide nervous eyes. If it wasn't such a serious moment Ash would've laughed. 

"Ok, first off, you need to relax. And to quote my brother, he said," Ashlyn cleared her throat. "Hell, to the fuck, yeah." 

Ashlyn thought her wife would laugh, she was wrong.

Ali lunged for Ashlyn, who was still seated in her vehicle. She squeezed the breath out of Ashlyn and mumbled something that was unrecognizable into Ash's chest.

"What was that?" Ash laughed.

"I love you." Ali said more clearly. She pulled away from Ashlyn enough that her tear-filled eyes were revealed.

"Babe, why are you crying?" 

"All I want is to have a baby with you. It's happening." Ali sobbed.

Ashlyn wiped at her wife's eyes and cheeks and said, "Babe, we can't get our hopes up. Ok?"

"Yeah, I know. I just really believe it's gonna work this time." Ali said.

Ashlyn exhaled loudly and extended her arms enough to push her wife out of the way. She got out of the Jeep and stood in front of Ali. She pulled her into a hug and said, "I hope it does work. But if it doesn't, we are still the luckiest parents in the world." 

"We really are!" Ali replied. She dug her face into her wife's neck. 

Ashlyn felt her skin become wet with her wife's tears. In that moment, she closed her eyes and begged God to let her wife get pregnant. If anyone in the world deserved it, it was Ali.

...

Later that night, Ash and Ali both agreed that they would try one more time and accept the outcome, one way or the other. 

As Ashlyn held Ali close to her before they drifted off to sleep, she said, "With the World Cup coming and me getting to be a major part of it, I'm beginning to realize that in the pursuit of my dream, I've already attained more than I could have ever hoped for." 

Ashlyn placed a kiss on the top of Ali's head and continued her thought. "I hope that no matter what happens with this baby thing..." Ash took a quick breath to focus her thoughts. "...that we never go blind to the blessings we already have."

"I know, Ash." Ali whispered into the darkness of their bedroom. 

The two settled in, and silence filled their room. It felt like the conversation was over as sleep started to overtake Ali's body. As the brunette drifted off to sleep she heard her wife's voice. She wasn't sure if it was a dream or real life, but either way it brought a smile to her face. 

It was actually Ashlyn, and not the dream version of her, that said, "You're my greatest dream, Alex. You've given me more than one person deserves to have. I love you."

Ashlyn was right. If anyone deserved to have a baby, it was Ali.


	180. A Bittersweet Cup (Part One)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a FLASHBACK chapter.

FLASHBACK

Ali sneakily opened her laptop to check her email. Her wife had left a few minutes prior to check on their crying baby. Little Samuel was having a rough night and needed some TLC from his Mama. Ashlyn lovingly lifted her upset son and cradled him close to her chest. She gently bounced him and sang a quiet tune to calm him down. 

Ali listened through the baby monitor sitting on Ashlyn's nightstand, and knew she had time to herself as long as she heard Ashlyn's voice coming from the small speaker. Ali pulled up her email account and looked for the email both her and her wife were waiting anxiously for. Unfortunately, it had not yet been sent. She spent the next twenty minutes refreshing her inbox and hoping to find a new message. A few junk mail false alarms later, she heard her wife tell their son goodnight and knew her sneaky time was up. She closed her laptop and stuffed it underneath her pillow. By the time Ash had returned Ali was able to tuck herself under the covers and look very much asleep. 

Ashlyn had no idea what her wife was up to. She would've checked her own email inbox, but she knew better. It was way too early to hear anything. Unless you're a parent with an infant, no one in their right mind would be awake at this time to send an email. Ashlyn easily fell back to sleep.

...

Ashlyn woke up a few hours later and glanced at the alarm clock. It was 8:34am. She sat up groggily and wiped at her eyes. Ali must've woken up to take care of the kids on her own. It was a very rare occurrence for either of them to be able to sleep in past 6:30am. Ashlyn's heart sank as soon as she was awake enough to realize why her wife had graciously given her those precious extra hours of sleep. 

Ash wrapped a blanket around herself and stumbled out of bed. She needed to find her wife. She could hear Ali talking to their two year old daughter and followed her voice to the little girl's room. Ashlyn stood at Lexi's door and watched Ali as she sat on the floor holding Samuel and drinking a cup of imaginary tea with Lex. 

When Ali noticed her wife's presence she greeted her with a sad smile. She could see the disappointment on Ashlyn's face. Ali asked, "You read the email? You saw the roster?"

"No, I didn't need to." Ash replied. She sat down next to her wife and leaned against her shoulder. She stared into her son's peaceful eyes and felt a glimmer of comfort wash over her.

"How did you know?" Ali asked. If Ash hadn't checked her email, how could she possibly know that she didn't make the 2011 World Cup roster?

"You let me sleep in." Ash answered. "I knew you would've woken me up to tell me if I made it."

Ali shook her head. She probably would've jumped up and down on the bed until Ashlyn woke up. "You know me well." Ali finally said. She couldn't imagine how her wife was feeling. 

Ash leaned in to give Samuel a kiss on the head before she stood up to leave.

"Baby, where are you going?" Ali asked worriedly. 

"If it's ok with you, I'm gonna take a walk." Ash replied.

"Sweetheart, I want you to stay close to me today." Ali confessed. She wanted to be nearby to protect Ashlyn from whatever sadness she might have to face due to this disappointment.

"Al, I'm fine. I'm #4 on the keeper list. Everybody, including me, expected that I'd be home on the couch watching the Cup. It's no big deal." Ashlyn answered. She quickly left the room before Ali could call her on her bluff. 

Ali knew Ashlyn wasn't fine.

...

Later that day, while Lexi and Samuel napped, Ali took advantage of the opportunity to talk with her disappointed wife. She left Lexi's room and knew exactly where to find Ashlyn. Ali quietly snuck into Samuel's room and pressed the side of her face in between her wife's shoulder blades. 

"What are you doing?" Ali asked in a whisper. She hugged her wife's waist from behind and placed her chin on Ashlyn's shoulder.

Ashlyn responded to her wife's affection with a small unseen smile as she stared at the blank wall she had been looking at for fifteen minutes. 

Ali placed a kiss on her wife's shoulder and waited for Ashlyn's voice to break the silence. 

"Me and Sam are trying to figure out what to paint on this wall." Ash said. Ali thought it was adorable how her wife seemed to truly have two-way conversations with their infant son.

"Any ideas?" Ali asked.

"He said he wants a superhero theme. We're still working out the details, though." Ash said and turned around in her wife's arms. "I'm ok, ya know?" Ashlyn finally answered the question her wife had managed not to ask, even though she was dying to.

"Ash, you don't have to pretend that you're not disappointed." 

"I'm not denying that. But I'm not going to act like we weren't both expecting this." Ash replied. Ali thought she heard a hint of angry frustration in Ashlyn's tone. 

"Baby, it's ok to be upset." Ali said and squeezed her wife tighter against her body. This action seemed to set something off in Ashlyn. 

She suddenly felt like she was suffocating.

Ashlyn slowly pushed her wife away and said, "I can't breathe. I need some space. I'm sorry." 

Ali watched her wife leave her in search for a solitary place where she could breathe. Ali was still learning to not take it personal when Ashlyn ran from her in times like this. For Ali, Ashlyn was the first person she ran to for safety and encouragement. Ashlyn's desire to be alone made Ali feel like there was a part of her wife that was hidden from her. 

...

Ali had put Lexi to bed for the night and waited in her and Ashlyn's bed for her wife to finish up with their son. She could hear Samuel's cries through the walls. She waited for the baby boy to quiet down before turning up the volume on the baby monitor. She heard her wife's gentle, calming voice speak to their upset son.

"It's ok, little guy. We all have bad days. It will get better." Ash said as she rocked him in her arms.

Ali could hear Ashlyn's voice shaking. Her pep talk wasn't just for Samuel. 

"Sometimes we focus so much on the bad stuff that we don't see the good." Ash explained to the red-faced baby who was sniffling back the last of his tears. Her voice seemed to mesmerize little Sammy and calm him down. His eyes never left his Mama's face.

Sam reached up with his tiny hand and grabbed at Ashlyn's mouth. Ashlyn gave him a few kisses and pulled him into her chest. She whispered, "You're the good in my life. You know that? You and your sister. And especially your Mommy. She's my angel." 

Ali heard her wife loud and clear. As her son's tears ended, her own tears started. 

Once Samuel had calmed down and fallen asleep, Ashlyn finally joined her wife. As soon as she opened the bedroom door she saw the little red light on the monitor, indicating that it was on. Ali didn't even bother to hide the fact that she was listening in. 

Ashlyn and Ali stared at each other in silence for a long moment before Ash joined her in bed. In that quiet moment shared, they crossed the distance that had been separating them all day. Wordlessly, Ashlyn laid down beside her wife and rested her head on Ali's chest. 

Ash took a few deep breaths of Ali's scent and said, "You smell like home." 

If the moment wasn't so tender and her wife so sensitive, Ali would've taken the opportunity to inform her wife that that was a really cheesy line. However, regardless of it's high cheese factor, it was also really sweet and completely true. Ali was Ashlyn's home. She was her safety and Ali was beginning to understand what that meant.

"Alex, I wanted to apologize about earlier." Ash said. She moved the loose fabric of Ali's tank top and pressed a kiss on her bare chest. 

"There's nothing for you to apologize for." Ali replied.

"Yes, there is." Ash said seriously. She sat up and made sure her wife could see her face. "Something really amazing happened today." 

Ali scrunched her eyebrows together trying to figure out what her wife was talking about. 

Ashlyn broke out in a big smile and announced, "My wife is going to the World Cup! I think that's pretty amazing!" 

"Oh, yeah." Ali replied, as if she had forgotten and now she remembered.

"Oh, yeah." Ash repeated in mocking and then got serious. "I'm sorry today was all about me. You deserve this. I should've made you breakfast and threw a party, or something. This is a big moment." 

"It's not the same without you." Ali said soberly. She was obviously excited for the opportunity, but it was a bittersweet feeling.

"With or without me, you are going to tear it up. Me and the kids will be wearing your jersey and cheering for you so loudly, you'll call us from Germany and tell us to shut up." Ash joked.

Ali laughed at the image of her sweet wife and children being as obnoxiously supportive as possible. The reality that she was going to fulfill a lifelong dream finally set in. 

With tears in Ali's eyes she said, "Can you imagine Lex and Sam with oversized jerseys? They're gonna be so cute." 

"I'll get to wear one of your actual jerseys. Except it will be tight, due to all my muscles." Ash smiled at her wife and flexed her biceps to make her point.

"You wish!" Ali said and jabbed her wife's stomach. "I'm the buff one in the family. You're the hot one." 

Ashlyn laughed and then got as close to Ali's face as possible. She laughed again loudly and said, "Did you see that? I just literally laughed in your face. I'm the buff one. You're the hot one. Deal with it!" 

"Fine." Ali put her hands up in surrender. "You're right. Well, at least half right. I'm hot...but I'm also buff. I'm the whole package, Baby." Ali kissed Ashlyn's nose and waited for her to respond. 

Ashlyn figured the only way to settle this was to have a wrestling match. Ashlyn grabbed Ali by the waist and body slammed her into the mattress. Ali had to admit, her wife was pretty buff and also pretty quick. She had no time to try to escape the stealthy attack. 

The wrestling match didn't last long. After a few moves the women called it a tie for the buff and hot wife awards and continued their bedroom fun to an activity of a more intimate nature. They were having a great time until they heard their baby's cries through the dang monitor on Ashlyn's night stand. 

Ali rolled toward her side of the bed and heard her wife's voice as her feet hit the floor. "Babe, I got this. You're a superstar soccer player. You need all the rest you can get." 

As Ash was heading to the door to check on their son, she heard Ali make a promise.

"Next time it's gonna be both of us."


	181. A Bittersweet Cup (Part Two)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a FLASHBACK chapter.

FLASHBACK

Ali tilted her computer screen up to get a better view of her little family. It was hard being away, and even harder knowing that Ashlyn was dealing with their special needs children alone. She felt like playing in the World Cup was a piece of cake compared to what her wife was doing.

"Baby, you look tired." Ali said as soon as she saw her wife's face. Ashlyn's eyes were red and her and the children's hair was a mess.

"We had a rough night." Ash admitted. She tried to keep her complaining to a minimum. She wanted her wife to enjoy the experience of a lifetime.

"What happened?" Ali asked.

Ashlyn's brain was slow and exhausted. She was trying to think of a way to tell Ali what happened without causing her to worry too much. Ali noticed her hesitation.

"Ash, you can tell me." Ali encouraged. 

"Uh, well..." Ashlyn started to say. She wiped at her eyes and said, "Lex had a meltdown. And then Sam cried...and then I cried a little bit." 

Ali saw that her wife was discouraged and worn out. 

Once Ashlyn had finished updating her wife she noticed that Ali was absentmindedly playing with her hair. This was a sure sign that she was debating something in her mind.

"Alex, what's wrong?" Ash asked. Her serious tone pulled Ali out of her own thoughts and brought her back to the moment.

"Maybe I should've stayed home." Ali said regretfully. She missed her family terribly and knew that their special situation made it hard on Ashlyn. 

"Stop. You're crazy to even think that." Ash replied immediately.

"But my parents are here. Usually we'd have my Mom or Dad help out in a time like this. I feel horrible that you're alone." Ali said.

"I'm not alone. I've got these beauties with me." Ash said. She tilted Sam's head toward the screen and nodded toward the little girl sitting next to her.

Ali took in her daughter's face and wished she could be there to comfort her. At this point, Lexi was still jumpy when it came to being touched and she rarely spoke. Ali worried that her absence may be causing the little girl to feel less secure. The therapist had told them that she needed consistency and a stable environment to feel safe. 

"Als, I almost forgot to tell you!" Ash interrupted Ali's concerned worrying with an excited announcement. "When we were watching you play yesterday, I pointed you out to Lex." Ash smiled at the little girl. "She seemed to really understand that it was you. For the first thirty minutes of the game she stood in front of the TV and pointed at you whenever the camera would get a close up of your face."

"Aww, are you serious?" Ali cooed. Often times Lexi was unaffectionate or outright mean. This little gesture meant the world to Ali.

"Yup! And she waved at you during the national anthem. So, next game you should look in the camera and smile, if you get a chance. I'll tell her you're smiling at her." Ash said.

"Ash, that's so sweet." Ali's heart melted at the thoughtfulness of her wife. Their children were lucky to have someone like Ashlyn loving them, Ali thought to herself.

After a long chat and lots of virtual hugs and kisses later, Ali said her goodbyes to her family. It was breakfast time at the Krieger-Harris house, but it was meeting time and soon dinner time for the USWNT.

As Ali put her laptop away and got ready to meet with the rest of the team her roommate, HAO, asked her, "Why didn't they just come out here?"

"Our kids can't really travel. Lexi, especially. She gets really anxious in crowds and Samuel cries a lot because of his health issues. He's getting better, but there's no way he could make the long trip." Ali explained. 

"Oh. I guess that makes sense. It really sucks for Ash, though." Heather replied.

"Yeah, I know. Things change so much when you have kids. Obviously, we are glad to have them, but we had no idea what we were in for." Ali said.

"Maybe your whole family will be able to make it to the next Cup." HAO said encouragingly.

"Maybe." Ali said quietly with a smile. She couldn't think of anything better than that.

...

Ashlyn held a sleeping Samuel in her arms, while Lex stood next to the TV. Ali's face was front and center as she squared up to take her penalty kick. Lexi placed her palm over Ali's face and looked back at Ashlyn and said, "Mommy?"

"Yeah, that's Mommy. She's about to win the game for us." Ash explained. 

The girl of few words turned back towards the screen and said quietly, "Mommy." 

Ali approached the ball and sent it to the back of the net, and with it the USA to the final. 

Ashlyn went crazy! She jumped up, still cradling Sam in her arms, and screamed. Her cheers woke up the baby, causing him to scream too. The loud noise startled the little girl standing in front of Ashlyn. Lexi started to hysterically cry. 

This was not one of Ashlyn's better moments as a mother. She completely forgot that her children were even in the room. She was overcome with pride and excitement for her wife.

It took a while to get both kids to settle down. Ashlyn apologized over and over and told them that they didn't need to be scared. The long time it took to calm them down gave Ali enough time to get away from the craziness and call them.

"Congratulations, Babe! We watched you win the game!" Ash said.

"Did the kids see it?" Ali asked. She wanted her children to be proud of her, too.

"Yeah. Lexi even said your name when your face came on. She's really proud of you." Ash said. 

Ali knew Lex had no idea what was going on, but it was still a nice thought to have. Knowing that her babies were watching and cheering for her was an amazing feeling.

"Baby, I'm sorry I have to go. I just wanted you to know I love you!" Ali said. She was being signaled that it was time to get on the team bus. 

"Ok, have fun celebrating. Good luck in the final. You know your #1 fans will be cheering you on from home." Ash said before saying goodbye.

As Ashlyn hung up the phone she looked at her exhausted and emotional children and felt it was the perfect time for a family nap. By the time they woke up it would be late enough to Skype with Ali in her hotel room. She looked forward to hearing her wife retell the excitement of game to her. 

It also made her happy to know that her wife was one game away from coming back home.

...

The final had ended in penalty kicks, but this time luck did not favor the Americans. Ashlyn wanted to hold her wife and comfort her in person, but she was thousands of miles away.

Ashlyn waited for Ali to call. She knew it might take some time. They had the ceremony afterwards to hand out medals and take pictures. She watched the whole thing on television. She never took her eyes off of her wife when she was on the screen.

Lexi walked to the tv and put her palm on Ali and walked back to Ashlyn and said, "Mommy sad?" 

"Yeah, Mommy is sad." Ash answered.

Lex made her way back to the TV and tried to hug her Mommy through the screen. She left smeared fingerprints on the display and big tears in Ashlyn's eyes. 

Ash pulled out her cell phone and told Lexi to give Mommy another hug. As soon as Ali was shown on the TV again, the little girl pressed her face and arms against the screen to give her mother some much needed comfort. 

Ashlyn snapped a pic of their daughter and immediately sent it to Ali. Along with the picture she wrote, "We love you and are so proud of you. Here's a hug all the way from home."

Ashlyn knew Ali would melt as soon as she saw the picture. After all they had been through, the proof of their daughter's love and affection might mean even more than winning gold in the World Cup.

Maybe one day they would be able to have both.


	182. A Bittersweet Cup (Part Three)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a FLASHBACK chapter and was written by request.

FLASHBACK 

Ali slowly made her way from her gate to baggage claim. After the loss in the final of the World Cup she felt like she let everyone down, not only the country and fans, but most of all Ashlyn. She had told her wife before she left that she would play for the both of them.

After the final game the team had to do several interviews and TV appearances. This stretched the time Ali was away from her family for a few more days. She was desperate to be in the comfort of her wife's arms, but at the same time was nervous about returning home a loser. 

She set her carry-on bag down on the top step of the escalator and searched the area where she knew her family would be. She spotted her wife and children before they had any idea she was nearby. As the escalator slowly brought her closer to her family, she watched as her wife held Samuel in one arm and helped Lexi with a small 'Welcome Home' sign for Ali. Lexi's little hands kept dropping it. 

As Ali approached them she watched her wife nervously check the little girl's sign constantly to make sure everything was perfect. Ash knelt down one last time to pick up the dropped sign when Ali made her presence known. 

"Hey, guys." Ali said calmly. 

"Oh, sh..." Ash stopped herself from swearing in front of the little ones. She quickly handed the sign back to Lexi and stood to greet her wife properly. 

"Hi." Ali said sweetly. 

"Mommy!" Lexi shouted. 

The unusual excitement from the girl shocked the women. They both turned to her and saw her upside down sign held in one hand as she lifted her other hand up for a hug from Ali. Ali knelt down and picked the girl up. 

"Looks like someone missed you." Ash whispered. She didn't want to spook the girl by drawing too much attention to the loving gesture. 

Ali smiled at her wife's comment and gave her full attention to Lexi. "I missed you, Sweetheart." She whispered. Lexi patted Ali's cheek as if to say that she missed her, too. 

Ali would have taken Sam from Ashlyn, but she didn't want to pass up a loving moment from her daughter. With Lexi in her arms, she kissed Samuel and told him how much she missed him. He smiled at her and held on to her finger with his hand. 

When the time came for her to hug Ashlyn she put her head down and held back tears. All of the emotions of the moment came flooding out in a mix of disappointment, exhaustion, relief, and love. 

"Hey." Ash said calmly. She used her free hand to tilt her wife's chin upward. "There you are." Ash smiled and bent down to finally give her wife a kiss. 

Ashlyn pulled Ali and Lexi into a one armed hug. Ali rested her head in the crook of Ashlyn's neck and stayed still for several seconds. This was the moment she had been waiting for. 

This was the moment she needed most.

...

After an emotional ride with Ali having to sit in the back between both children to satisfy their daughter's sudden clingy ways, the family was finally home.

Ash stopped Ali at the front door with a word of warning. 

"Babe, I gotta say something before you open that door." Ash said. She had Sam in her arms and Ali was holding Lexi.

"What is it?" Ali asked cautiously. Knowing her wife, it could literally be anything.

"The house isn't quite as tidy as it was when you left. I mean I tried to clean, but it didn't really happen." Ash confessed.

Ali rolled her eyes and laughed. "Baby, our kids are alive and you managed not to hurt yourself while I was away. No matter what, you've done better than expected." She said.

"Wow, thanks for the confidence, Babe." Ash said jokingly. She smacked her wife's butt as she pushed past her and raced her inside. Ash acted as if she was talking to Sam but it was totally for Ali's benefit.  
"Sam-Bam, your Mommy's expectations of me aren't very high. We should've gotten into way more trouble while she was gone."

Ali whispered loudly to Lexi, knowing that Ash could hear her, and said, "Lexi, your Mama is getting herself into trouble, as we speak. I think we should teach her a lesson." 

"Uh oh, Sam!" Ash followed suit and pretended to be talking to the child in her arms instead of the person she was really speaking to. "It's me and you against our girls. We gotta stick together, man."

"I'm gonna have to punish you two." Ali said. "You owe me three kisses each. That's the only way you can pay for all this trouble you have gotten into." Ali said with a smirk on her lips. 

"Fine!" Ash huffed dramatically. 

She first brought Sam's head close to Ali so she could give him three kisses on the top of the head. Then she gave her wife three quick pecks on the lips to finish the price of penance. Ali seemed happy with the result, but Lexi felt otherwise. As Ashlyn stepped back she heard her daughter call out to her.

"Mama!" Lexi whined. 

She puckered her lips like a fish and made it clear that she felt she deserved some kisses, too. Ashlyn and Ali both gave her as many smooches as she could stand.

...

Ash and Ali watched Lexi play as the two of them talked over a cup of coffee. They both felt a sense of relief being in one another's company. It was as if everything was off kilter or not in synch when they were apart. Now that they were back together, life felt right.

"Sammy went down easy." Ali commented. Her son fell asleep almost immediately once he was placed in his crib. 

Ash glanced over at the baby monitor beside her and nodded. "He seems to be getting better. I love that kid. Even though he's in pain, he still manages to smile."

"Can you imagine how happy of a kid he's gonna be once he's completely healthy?" Ali asked. She replied to her own answer and said, "We're so blessed to have him."

Ali noticed a small smile form on her wife's lips. She followed her wife's gaze and her eyes landed on her daughter. 

Lexi was staring right at Ali. She had her arms crossed like Ali's arms were crossed. When Ali tilted her head she watched her daughter follow her lead and do the same thing.

"I think you have a shadow." Ash said. 

"She has changed so much since I left." Ali replied. "What happened while I was gone?"

"I think when you left it made her realize how much she loves you. Things have changed for her, ya know?" Ash said. She took a sip of coffee and continued her thought, "She has discovered what it's like to be loved and have someone who cares so deeply for her. I think she finds a lot of security in you."

Ali didn't want to cry, but as she watched her daughter transform before her eyes she couldn't help it. Ashlyn, of course knew that her wife's tears were happy sentimental tears, but their little two year old daughter had no idea. 

Lexi ran, in a wobbly two year old fashion, to her mother and tried to comfort her immediately. This move of affection only brought on more tears. The little girl sought out her other mother's help. She tugged on Ashlyn's hand and with all her toddler strength attempted to pull her towards Ali. 

"I think she wants me to hug you." Ash said to her overjoyed wife. Ashlyn put down her coffee and picked up Lexi. She brought her along for a hug with Ali.

The three Krieger-Harris girls spent Samuel's nap time holding each other close. Lexi even let Ashlyn tickle her a few times. Ali and Ash couldn't believe how accepting their daughter was of their affection. It was a giant step forward for their precious daughter. 

Ali gave both her girls a kiss and said, "Things have changed so much. I wonder how different our family will be for the next World Cup?" 

They had no idea how much things would change in their family within the four years that would pass to reveal the answer to Ali's question.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cannot begin to express my gratitude for the overflow of kindness I have received recently. I want to thank you all.
> 
> Words are so powerful. I'm grateful that we are all capable of using our words to lift one another up. I'm even more grateful that so many of you have chosen to use your words to share kindness and support.
> 
> Especially these days, I think we need more people who seek to encourage and to see the good in others. 
> 
> You are all wonderful!


	183. The Beginning

"But Mama, it's not fair!" Lexi screamed at her mother. 

Ali knelt down in front of her daughter and sternly told her, "You do not yell at Mama."

"But Mommy, it's not fair." She whined. "Sammy always gets to go."

The emotional little diva was upset because her younger brother got to travel with his parents to Canada a week earlier than she did. 

"Sweetheart, we've been over this a hundred times. He's little and needs extra help. That's why he is leaving with us." Ali explained.

"Besides," Ashlyn said, looking up from the small suitcase she was rummaging through. "You need to stay here to help out your big brother with his soccer training." Ashlyn gave her oldest son a wink before saying, "Right, Jake?"

Jacob considered being difficult. He agreed with his sister's desire to leave earlier than planned for the World Cup, but he knew they were already really lucky for the chance to go at all. 

He finally mumbled a less than enthusiastic answer, "Um, yeah. Sure."

"It's just not fair!" Lexi yelled in frustration. She stomped away and smacked her little brother in the head on her way out.

Sensitive Sam cried, more out of hurt feelings than physical pain. Ashlyn scooped him up and carried him away to a quiet area where he could recover. Ali followed Lexi and left Jacob rolling his eyes at his younger siblings.

"Too much drama." Jake said to himself. "They are so immature."

Ali found her daughter sitting on the floor in the middle of her room with her arms crossed over her chest. She had her head down and a grumpy scowl on her face. Ali knew she was in for a difficult experience.

She understood why the little girl was upset, but she could hardly explain to a six year old why her high maintenance four year old brother needs extra attention. That would either cause her to look down on him and think something was wrong with him, or cause her to be even more jealous and to continue to misbehave. 

"Lexi, I'm sorry you're upset." Ali said and sat down in front of the girl. She continued even though Lexi seemed to be ignoring her. "Your brother is too small to be apart from your Mama and me for more than a couple of days. You're a big girl and can handle it better."

Lexi continued to simmer in silence. Ali was getting no where. 

Meanwhile, Ashlyn held Samuel tight against her chest and alternated kisses with whispered encouraging words in his ear. The boy settled down and caught his breath from his crying. 

He innocently asked his Mama, in a way that broke Ashlyn's heart, "Mama, why doesn't Lexi like me?"

"She likes you, Bam. She's just sad that she has to stay here with Jake and Grandpa instead of leave today with us." Ash said, trying to lighten the blow of Lexi's rejection. 

"It hurts my heart." He said with a shaky voice.

"I know, buddy." Ashlyn said sadly. 

Ashlyn heard Jacob announce the arrival of Ali's Dad and knew that they couldn't linger too much longer without running late for their flight. She carried the boy to the front door and let her father-in-law know that they were in the middle of a meltdown and would be ready in a few minutes.

She decided to be proactive and headed straight for Lexi's room. She wanted to make sure the siblings were on good terms before they left.

Ali heard a quiet knock on the doorframe of Lexi's open door and turned to see her sad son and wife. Ali gestured for Ash and Sam to join them on the floor. 

When they sat down Ali took Sam from Ashlyn. Lexi was still refusing to look up and kept her eyes fixed on the floor. Ashlyn decided to do something about that.

Since Ali had Sam, Ash chose not to sit but to lay down on the floor. She made sure her head was right square in the line of sight of her daughter. 

Ash looked Lexi in the eye and said, "Hey." In a bright and positive tone. She wanted her daughter to know she was just as important as her little brother.

Lexi, with arms crossed, waved a quick 'hello' to her mother with her fingers, before returning them to their former position.

Ash and Ali both knew their daughter's icy exterior was about to melt.

"What's going on, Princess?" Ash asked.

"I don't want to talk about it." Lexi said and dramatically fell to the floor in exasperation. 

The little diva's parents had to fight their urge to laugh. To their credit they somehow managed to stay serious.

"Lexi, I'm sorry you're feeling bad. But you really hurt your brother. You're too nice of a person to want to hurt someone." Ali said. 

Lexi, who might someday be a great actress, rolled over onto her stomach. With her face smashed against the carpet she said, "Even nice people get mad sometimes." She followed this sentiment with a loud sigh.

Once again the little girl's dramatics were too much to take. Ashlyn had to cover her face with her arm to make sure she didn't laugh out loud.

Ali tried to stay serious and asked, "Are you going to let us leave without telling your brother you're sorry? You don't want him to be sad the whole time, do you?"

As upset and angry as Lexi was, she really did feel bad about what she had done to Sam. She rolled over so that she could get a good look at her little brother before answering. Sam was looking right at her with his big sad eyes. His face was still bright red from crying.

"Sorry, Sammy." Lexi said sadly. She really meant it. 

"Ok." Sam answered quietly. Ash and Ali's sweet boy was never one to hold a grudge. 

Ashlyn sat up and declared a tickle war on her children. She figured she had two arms and two children who needed tickled. It was the perfect way to lighten things up. 

The battle ended when Ali encouraged Lex and Sam to work together to conquer their Mama. This was actually the reason Ashlyn started the tickle war in the first place. The children were no longer against each other. They were now a team and having a lot of fun together.

Both Ash and Ali felt better about leaving their two older children now that Lexi was happier about life. It's never easy leaving them behind, but it's nearly impossible leaving when they are hurting. 

...

A tired Ashlyn shuffled into the lobby of the team hotel with a sleeping Samuel in her arms. The little boy was an emotional mess the entire trip. Apparently, he hadn't gotten over his sisters outburst from earlier and was overly sensitive.

He had complained about every little thing he could come up with. Ali and Ashlyn took turns holding him during several tantrums. By the time they had landed he had settled down and Ashlyn had a horrible headache. 

"Why don't you two take a seat while I find out where we're supposed to go." Ali said to Ashlyn. She could tell her wife was not feeling her best.

Ashlyn nodded slightly and found an empty chair to sit on. Ali joined a group of her teammates and US Soccer staff and waited for the rooming assignments to be announced. Ali knew she would be rooming with Ashlyn, she just didn't know what room number they were assigned. 

Because of their need to have their kids travel with them from time to time, they have learned it works out better for them to be together. It's an arrangement that was decided on after several attempts to split them up had backfired. 

One example of this was when both Lexi and Sam came along and each child stayed with a different parent in separate rooms. The kids were sick and ended up not only getting their parents sick, but also the teammate rooming with them. By the end of the trip half the team had gotten the virus. 

While waiting for the desired information to be shared, Whitney gave Ali's arm a nudge.

"Hey." She said. "What's up with those two?" She asked and gestured towards Ashlyn and Sam. "Ash looks grumpy."

"She just has a headache. We've had a rough day. Some days parenting is absolutely exhausting." Ali replied.

After Ali had received a team schedule for the following day, along with their room info and keycards, she returned to her wife and son. Both were fast asleep. 

Just as Ali was about to wake up Ashlyn, she heard loud cheers from the group she had just left. She turned to see what caused the hoopla and spotted Alex and Tobin's arrival. 

The newlyweds had entered the building.

"Alex, you're glowing!" Ali said as Tobin grinned proudly. 

"Being married to this one will do that to a person." Alex answered and gave her new wife a kiss on the cheek. 

Tobin didn't say a word she just smiled at her wife and kept an arm wrapped around her waist.

Ali heard a quiet groan come from her wife and when she turned to check on her she saw that Ash was slightly grimacing. Ali's wifely instincts kicked in immediately.

"Baby, are you feeling ok?" Ali asked. Alex and Tobin disappeared from her focus completely.

Ash opened one eye and covered the other with her hand to block the light. "My head is killing me." She mumbled.

"You need to lay down." Ali said. She took Sam from Ashlyn and offered her hand to help her up. 

Tobin whispered something to Alex and picked up Ash and Ali's bags. She wordlessly made it clear that she would be helping them get to their room

It ended up being a godsend that she accompanied them. Ashlyn was having waking difficulties. Her balance was off and the light was hurting her head. She spent most of the time walking slowly with her eyes closed, while following behind and holding onto Ali's shoulder.

The four of them arrived at the Krieger-Harris room ready for a break. Tobin left to find her wife and Ali sent Ash and her son to bed immediately. While Team Awesome napped, Ali quietly unpacked their bags. 

Sam woke up before Ashlyn. Ali intercepted the boy before he could accidentally cause his Mama more head pain. Ali was worried about her wife. With Ashlyn medical history, a bad headache was a scary thing. She hoped Ash would wake up feeling better. She wanted to give her as much time as needed for that to happen. 

Ali left a note for Ash and took the boy to the hotel pool to swim. They had a couple of hours before they needed to meet with the rest of the team, so she invited Alex, Tobin, and all the team moms and kids.

When Ash woke up, she was feeling much better. She had a dull headache that she would later describe to Ali as a migraine hangover. She ended up joining her family at the pool. She didn't swim, she quietly watched from the edge where she sat with only her legs in the water. 

Ali made sure Sam was being watched by the other adults in the water before joining her wife. 

"You feeling better?" Ali asked.

"A lot better." Ash said. She cut her wife off before Ali had a chance to say anything more and added, "I know what you're thinking. It was just a normal headache caused by a stressful day." 

"Are you sure?" Ali asked. She couldn't help but worry.

"I'm sure. Everything is fine. I promise." Ash said.

Ali put her palms on Ashlyn's thighs and looked up at her from her place in the water. Ash leaned down to meet her wife's lips with a kiss. 

This was it. They had finally made it to the World Cup TOGETHER. Ashlyn wasn't going to let a headache keep her from experiencing what they had both worked so hard for.


	184. The Journey

After almost a week of team preparations, the rest of the Krieger-Harris family was on their way. The first game of the World Cup was in two days, and Ash and Ali couldn't wait for their loved ones to join them as they got closer to fulfilling their dream of winning another star for the US crest.

...

Ali had left early in the morning to get coffee for her and Ashlyn. When she returned she heard Ash and Sam singing loudly from the bathroom. Samuel was splashing around in the bathtub and his Mama was squirting him with water.

Ail stood at the bathroom door for a few minutes and enjoyed the scene. Apparently, Sam had squeezed all of the shampoo out of it's bottle, which gave his Mama a perfect water squirter to tease him with. 

"Mama, shoot Rusty." Sam asked. Rusty was a floating boat bath toy. After Ashlyn sunk the toy with a stream of water it popped back up to the surface. 

Ashlyn refilled the bottle and shot at it again. As the little boat sank, she pretended she was the voice of the vessel and said in a sad tone, "Oh no, I'm sinking. Goodbye, Captain Sam." 

"Bye, Rusty!" Samuel said and waved with a giggle. He kicked his feet to provide a tumultuous sea of bath water for the boat to sink in.

As the boat came popping back to the surface, as Ashlyn knew it would, she said on behalf of Rusty the toy boat, "Captain Sam, I missed you too much to stay away."

Samuel seemed truly touched by the sentiment. He picked the boat up out of the water and brought it close to his face. Ash listened hard to hear what her sweet four year old would say.

"Die!" Sam yelled and threw the boat back into the water, making explosion noises.

This was the moment that Ali revealed herself. Her laughter was so loud and hearty that Ashlyn wouldn't have been surprised if the whole floor heard her.

"Mommy's here!" Sam loudly announced and smacked his arms in the water to make a splash. 

"I think it's time to get you out of the water before you get too wrinkly." Ali said.

"Wrinkly?" Sam asked. 

"Let me see those fingers." Ash said. 

Sam let his Mama have one of his hands and after Ash looked closely she had Ali take a look, too. 

"Oh my goodness!" Ali said dramatically. "Look at all those wrinkles."

"I have wrinkles, Mama?" Sam asked innocently.

"Looks like it. But not to worry. Once you get dry and dressed, the wrinkles will go away in no time." Ash answered.

Ali had Sam's towel stretched out and ready to wrap him up in. Ashlyn helped him out of the tub and made sure he didn't slip on the water that he had managed to cover the bathroom floor with during his bath time fun. Ashlyn let Ali wrap the boy up in the towel like a caterpillar in a cocoon and carried him to the bed the three of them had been sharing.

"Baby, I'll get him dressed. You drink this." Ali said and handed her wife the cup of coffee she had gotten her. She knew Ash would appreciate the thoughtful gesture.

"Mmm, thanks Babe." Ash said and inhaled the rich smell of the mocha drink. "I really needed this." 

"You're welcome. You're really gonna need it once the other kids get here." Ail said. "By the way, how's your head?" Ali asked. She had been worrying about Ashlyn's head ever since they arrived in Canada.

"For the millionth time, my head is fine. I got a migraine from our sweet angel's 3 hour screaming fit. I wouldn't be surprised if half of the passengers on the plane had a headache after that. I'm fine. Stop trying to create some kind of drama for you to worry about. Just enjoy the fact that we are here together. And that this is pretty awesome." 

"You promise you're ok?" Ali asked one last time.

"I promise." Ash said. She gave her wife a kiss and let her finish clothing their son so that she could enjoy her coffee and get her caffeine fix for the day.

The morning flew by. It was time to meet up with Ali's parents, Jake, and Lexi. Ali couldn't wait to see her children, and Ashlyn made sure to be extra affectionate with Sam in case he was still feeling bad about how his sister had treated him before they left. 

Everyone, including Lexi, was happy to be reunited with the rest of the family. Sam seemed to have forgotten about the discord between him and his sister and gave her a big hug. He immediately started telling her a story about how Tobin, Alex, and Kelley took him to get ice cream and to a park to chase squirrels. The squirrel chasing wasn't part of their original plan, but once Kelley and Tobin saw the little creatures, they couldn't be stopped. This was the moment Alex felt like she was babysitting three four year olds, instead of just one. 

...

"Are you ready for this?" Ali asked Ashlyn as they sat in the locker room before the first match of the tournament.

"Yeah." Ash answered calmly. She stared intensely at the keeper gloves she held in her hands. Her finger traced over the stitching. Each glove had the letters 'A. J. L. S.' sewn on them. The letters were the first initial of Ali and the kid's names. She wanted to remember who she was playing for. 

Ali took in the moment of her wife mentally preparing to start in her first World Cup game. "Ash, I'm so proud of you." She said. 

"Thanks." Ash answered. She wasn't wasting any energy on her words. She was determined to stay focused.

Ali knew her wife was psyching herself up for the game, and that she wasn't going to be able to truly enjoy the experience until after the game. Ashlyn had a lot to prove to the world, but mostly to herself. Ali kissed her wife's cheek and left her alone to get her mind right for the game. Ali joined Syd and Pinoe in a dance off, while the team waited to walk out onto the field. 

...

Samuel leaned forward in his Grandma's lap and pointed to the field, "Mama and Mommy are down there!" He announced. He watched as the team lined up for the anthem. He was wearing a replica of Ashlyn's jersey and pointed to the color. "It's the same, Gramma." 

"You look just like your Mama, honey." Ali's Mom said. She watched her youngest grandson smile and nod proudly that he was Ashlyn's mini-me for the day.

The game got underway fast with a goal in the first three minutes by Lauren Holiday. Scoring came easy and the game ended in a blowout. Alex had a pair of goals and Lauren, Abby, Syd, and Pinoe all had a goal of their own. Ashlyn had a couple of scary moments, but there wasn't really anything that looked too dangerous. She did a great job of organizing the defense and getting a shutout is always good for a keeper's confidence.

After the game the couple went straight for where they knew their family was sitting. Ashlyn helped each kid over the barrier wall and onto the field. Sam held onto Ashlyn's hand and asked her to show him the goals. Lexi and Jacob stayed with Ali and hung out with the rest of the team during their cool down. Lexi sat in Alex's lap and Jacob showed Tobin some new soccer tricks he had been working on. She seemed pretty impressed.

Ali glanced over at her goalkeepers and laughed when she saw Ashlyn shooting the ball at Samuel, who had on her game-worn gloves that were gigantic on him. Ali fell in love with her family as she sat on the turf of the pitch. She wondered how she got to be so lucky.

...

Not all games were as easy as the first, but the US still managed to prevent their opponents from scoring. It wasn't until the semi-final against Canada that Ashlyn had to retrieve a ball from the back of the net. Ali knew that a goal scored against Ashlyn would mean a grumpy wife for a couple of days. She wasn't willing to deal with an angry wife, if they lost. Not that Ali needed even more inspiration to give it her all, but knowing that Ash was in goal behind her certainly made her fight hard for every ball.

The American side won the semi-final 3-1. Ali fetched their children just like every other game, but instructed the kids to give Ashlyn some space. The keeper was upset about the goal that the Canadian captain slipped in. Ali's instructions must've fell right out of Samuel's brain because he ran straight for Ashlyn. Ash was sitting on the ground stretching when he lunged himself at her. She caught him in the air and he held tight to her neck and squished their faces together. 

"Mama, you played good." Sam said, unaware that Ash was replaying every save in her head and critiquing what she could've done better.

"Thanks, Bam." She replied. She forced a sad smile on her face.

"Can I wear your gloves?" Sam asked.

"Sure, Bud." Ash helped the boy put on her gloves and fastened them tight around his wrists.

"Mama, I love you." Sam said. The boy sat in his mother's lap and held her hand with both of his glove-covered hands.

"Thanks, Sam-Bam. I love you, too."

"Are you sad cuz they scored a goal?" Sam asked. If anyone could understand Ashlyn's pain it was Sam. He was also a goalkeeper for his soccer team. He has been known to run off the field crying when he gets scored on.

"Yeah, I hate missing a save." She said with a smile. His innocent concern for her made her rethink what she really had to be upset about. 

"Me, too!" Sam said emphatically.

Ash tickled the boy's side and said, "Maybe we should both practice to make sure we're our best for the final. What do ya say?" 

"Yeah!" Sam nodded vigorously. He loved playing with his Mama, especially with a stadium filled with fans. 

When Ash and Sam walked over to the empty goal, there were some USA supporters yelling at them and asked for Ash to come over and take pictures. Ashlyn bent down to Sam and told him that they were his fans and they wanted his autograph. The two of them spent a lot of time talking, taking selfies with fans, and signing autographs.

By the time Ashlyn and Samuel reunited with their family and the rest of the team, Ash was feeling much better. The fans she spoke to made her realize that she was the only one stressing out about the one mistake she made in the game. Everyone was singing her praises, including the four year old boy who held proudly to her neck and charmed all of the pretty girls in the group of excited fans.

Next up was the finals and the Krieger-Harris family was one step closer to the realization of a hard earned dream coming true. As the day approached, Ali and Ashlyn realized that they were just getting started. 

There were many more dreams to come.


	185. The Final (Part One)

It was game day and the Krieger-Harris clan was in their hotel room getting ready for a light lunch. Ash was waiting for Jacob to finish up in the bathroom, Lexi was sitting on the bed she shared with Jake the night before, and Sam was cuddling on his and his parent’s bed with Ali. Ashlyn couldn’t help but notice that Lex was not happy about the quality time Samuel was having with Ali. Ash shook her head and took a seat next to her daughter. 

“Hey, little Princess.” Ash said. She laid down on the bed and put both her hands behind her head. 

“Hi.” Lexi answered with a small voice. 

Ashlyn made small talk with the girl until Jacob vacated the bathroom. Once he was available to watch after Samuel she said, “Babe, me and you are taking Lex for a walk.” She quickly picked up her sulky daughter and threw her over her shoulder. Lexi couldn’t help but laugh.

Ash gave her wife a wink and then told Jake to watch over Sam for the short time they would be gone. She also made sure to give Sam-Bam a smooch before the Krieger-Harris girls left their boys behind. Ali had no idea what was going on, but knew it was probably in her and her family’s best interest to go along with it.

Lexi was confused, but loved the extra attention. Ash waited until they were all the way outside before she said anything. With both women holding one of Lexi’s hands, Ash got down to business.

“Lex, are you jealous of your little brother?” Ashlyn asked. Ali decided to let her wife lead the conversation until she had a little more to go on.

“No.” Lexi answered. She knew she was lying but thought she might be able to get away with it.

“Ya know, Lex. You seem to get upset if Sam-Bam gets extra attention from me or Mommy. Do you think that’s true?” Ash asked.

Ali was all caught up now. She knew this spontaneous walk must’ve been inspired by Lexi’s reaction to her and Sam’s affectionate quality time back in the hotel room. 

“I don’t know.” Lexi answered. She kept her eyes focused on the sidewalk beneath them.

Ash nodded at Ali to see if maybe she could get a response from the girl.

“Sweetheart.” Ali said. “Why don’t we stop here for a minute.” 

There was a bench that the three of them could sit on while they worked out Lexi’s insecurities.

“Lexi, I know sometimes it’s hard to be patient with your younger brother. And I know that because he’s little he sometimes needs extra attention and that can make you feel bad.” Ali explained.

Lexi nodded in agreement. She did feel bad about the way her brother was treated. It made her feel like she wasn’t as important to her parents as he seemed to be.

“Why do you think that makes you feel bad, Sweetheart?” Ali asked.

“Because!” Lexi said, crossing her arms and sticking out her bottom lip.

Ali shot her wife a quick look that warned her not to laugh at their daughter’s dramatics.

“Because, why?” Ash asked. She gave her wife her own look that said, she was capable of being a grown up, too.

“Because it means you like him more than me.” The little girl whined.

Ashlyn put her arm around the sad little girl and said, “Princess, that’s not true! Your Mommy and I love you and your brothers the biggest amount possible, and nothing could ever change that.”

“But you always hug and kiss Sammy more than me.” Lexi complained. It made perfect sense to her that more kisses and hugs meant more love.

Ali cleared her throat to let Ash know that she wanted to address this issue with their daughter. Ashlyn gladly stayed quiet and let her wife take over.

“Lexi, Samuel is a very affectionate boy. He is usually the one that tells us he wants hugs and kisses. Mama and me will make sure to give you more hugs and kisses but you need to know one thing.” Ali said. She looked to the right and to the left, as if she was about to tell an important secret. This got the girl’s attention, just as Ali knew it would.

Ashlyn leaned in just as much as Lexi did to find out what her wife was about to say. 

“If you want something, ask for it.” Ali said. “If something bothers you, say something.” Ali put her hand on her daughter’s shoulder and said, “Your feelings and ideas are important. If something makes you happy or sad, it’s important enough to say something.”

“Dang, that’s good advice!” Ashlyn bursted out, completely ruining the moment.

“Ashlyn!” Ali scolded, but her tone had no affect on her wife.

“Seriously, woman! That is some good advice. Our Princess’s voice matters. You tell her, Alex!” Ashlyn said enthusiastically and then added a few more hums of support before she added, “You listen to your Mommy. She knows what’s up!”

Ali thought her wife’s excitement was cute, but she needed to get back on track.

“Sweetheart, your Mama is crazy.” Ali whispered to Lexi. Lex nodded and smiled in agreement. “Lexi, you need to know that it doesn’t matter if we have a hundred children, we will never love you any less. Parents have a magical ability to love all of their children with their whole heart. There isn’t a little part for you, and a little part for your brothers. ALL of it belongs to you, and all of it belongs to Jacob and Samuel. You never have to worry that we don’t love you enough. We love you as much as possible...and then some.”

“I love you too, Mommy.” Lexi said and finally let herself be vulnerable with her parents. She gave Ali a hug and then turned to Ashlyn for a hug of comfort from her, as well.

“We love you, Princess.” Ashlyn replied to her daughter’s sweet hug.

“I know.” Lexi replied quietly.

Once Lexi seemed to understand and accept that her parents loved her just as much as her brothers, they returned to the hotel room. Samuel was sitting on Jacob’s lap as Jake flipped through the channels on the TV. Ash and Ali celebrated silently when they watched Lexi climb up on the bed and ask if she could cuddle with them and watch TV, too. Both boys were glad to have her join them. 

Ali and Ashlyn’s talk with Lexi was a success!

...

Ash and Ali asked permission for Jacob to be on the pitch and warm up with the team prior to the final match of the World Cup. Jake was in Heaven. It was an opportunity of a lifetime and he knew it. The experience fed the fire of passion in him to be here one day for his own soccer career. He ran and stretched with the players. He even got to take a few shots against Ash to help her get warmed up.

When it was time for the team to return to the locker room both women gave him a kiss for good luck. Ash stripped off her sweaty practice shirt and gave it to him. She joked and told him that it might be worth something someday. 

He simply held it to his chest and said, “It already is.” 

Ali had to remind her wife to hold it together until after the game. She could cry and gush over their sweet son later.

...

The final game was against Japan and it was a hard fought defensive battle. Ashlyn had some saves that were nothing short of miraculous. At halftime the score was still tied at 0.

The second half started out just like the first. Both offenses couldn’t seem to catch a break. Alex hit the post on a wide open shot. Carli took a shot from the top of the box and sailed it over the crossbar. Cheney placed a perfect ball on Abby’s head from a corner kick, but it went just wide of the goal. Japan had a few close calls, too. Every shot was either slightly off target or was scooped up by Ashlyn’s sure hands.

“Watch the back post!” Ash yelled as the team lined up for a corner kick. She got in a minor shoving match with an opposing player that kept trying to block her view. The referee had to talk to the two of them twice before giving the kicker the go ahead to take the corner.

The ball floated in front of the goal and Ashlyn challenged a few players for the ball. There was some hard contact that sent her to the ground, but she still ended up with the ball. Ali quickly checked on her to make sure she was ok, but Ash sent her away, telling her she was fine and that Ali needed to get into position.

The Japanese team was technical and played beautiful soccer. Though the game was tough, both teams had great respect for one another. When a Japanese defender took Tobin out with an aggressive tackle in the penalty box, they knew it was without a vicious motive. When Abby converted the PK, Japan knew it was a just penalty. With the lead, Ashlyn felt it was up to her to make sure they stayed ahead. 

No matter what, she couldn’t let a ball pass her.

“The ball is mine.” Ash whispered over and over to herself as two Japan forwards came towards her. Ali cleared the ball out of bounds for a corner kick. Ash kept murmuring to herself, “The ball is mine. The ball is mine. The ball is mine.”

The kick sailed the ball up and it bent towards the far top corner of the goal. Ashlyn punched the ball out towards the top of the box, where it was collected by a Japanese midfielder. The ball was sent back towards her and she jumped to get it falling hard against the ground. She caught the ball and held it as she rolled from her back onto her stomach. Ali knelt down beside her to check on her. 

Ali had just watched her wife’s head bounce hard off the turf. 

Ashlyn was in obvious pain.


	186. The Final (Part Two)

Ali knelt down on the ground next to her injured wife. Ashlyn was moaning in pain. Ali put her hand on Ashlyn's back and put her head level with the turf to get a better look at her wife.

"Ash!" Ali said and shook Ashlyn's back to get her attention. "Ashlyn!"

Ash groaned and rolled toward her wife. Ali moved out of the way, but made sure to stay as close as possible to help guide her as she rolled onto her back.

Ash still had the ball cradled in her hands held tight against her stomach. 

"Ashlyn?" Ali said in a quieter voice of concern.

Ashlyn's eyes were closed and she was taking deep breaths. Ali was worried that the worst had happened. She motioned for the trainers to come out and help her wife.

Ali was desperate for Ashlyn to respond in some way. After everything they'd been through with Ashlyn's head injuries, this was about the scariest thing Ali could imagine.

...

"Mama is hurt?" Sam asked his Grandmother.

Ali's Mom didn't know what to say. She was just as shocked as the rest of the family.

"Gramma?" Sam asked again, trying to get the woman's attention. The little boy wanted an answer. He was scared for his mother.

Ali's Dad answered for her. "It looks like she took a hard hit, but we have to wait and see how she's doing."

Ali's Dad's voice brought his ex-wife out of her shocked state and she added, "Don't worry, Sweetheart. Your Mommy is down there with her and they have a lot of other people helping her."

...

It was someone trying to pull the ball out of Ashlyn's hands that got her attention. She held on tighter and when she opened her eyes she realized she could let go.

"Ashlyn." Ali said, looking into her wife's now open eyes.

"Hey." Ash replied. It was a small word, but carried a great weight of hope attached to it. Ali was glad to see that Ashlyn seemed alert and recognized her.

"You ok?" Ali asked.

"Yeah. Got the wind knocked out of me." Ash answered.

There were trainers, referees, and teammates crowded around Ashlyn. She saw the looks of concern on her friends' faces and realized she needed to get up if she wanted to finish the game. 

When Ashlyn sat up there were people asking her questions and telling her to sit still. She ignored them and finally got back to her feet. She found the head trainer's eyes and told him, "I'm fine. I just needed to catch my breath."

"Are you sure?" The trainer asked.

"Yeah, I feel much better now." She answered.

She retrieved the ball and headed to the goal box to kick it back into play. Ali followed her and caught her by surprise when she turned around.

"Ash, are you sure you're ok?" She asked. For some reason she knew there was more going on.

"I'm sure. Go get into position." Ash snapped.

Ali wasn't surprised that her wife was in hurry to get back into the game, but she wasn't convinced that everything was fine. 

Ashlyn was quick to kick the ball back into play. She sent it to the left flank where Tobin dribbled a few steps and launched the ball into the box for her wife. Alex's first touch was a little off and once she was able to square up on the ball she had missed her chance at a good shot.

90 minutes had come and gone, but Ashlyn's injury added a lot of extra time to the game. The opponent was more than good enough to equalize in the final minutes. 

Ashlyn barked orders to her defensive line to stay sharp and tighten up on defense. A Japanese striker broke free through the middle and Ashlyn tackled her, causing the forward to lose possession. Becky cleared the ball to midfield where Cheney was able to thread it through two defenders and set up Tobin for a shot. Tobin chipped the keeper, sending the ball high over her head. The ball dropped right in time to find its way into the net.

2-0.

Ashlyn allowed herself a scream and a fist pump to celebrate. After that she was yelling at her back line to stay focused. 

This was it.

Japan took the ball from midfield and attacked fast. They put on a beautiful display of passes in their possession. But it would end up being too little too late. The final shot was hard and high. Ashlyn jumped, stretching both hands up and caught it. 

As she brought the ball down from the air, she heard the ref blow the final whistle. 

The USA had won the World Cup!

Everyone went wild! The fans erupted the place with cheers. The team ran to one another and celebrated through leaps and hugs. 

Ali ran straight to Ashlyn, who had dropped to her knees as soon as she heard the whistle. This was the moment that Ashlyn had struggled to finally taste. She wasn't a backup keeper sitting on the bench and cheering on her team. She was the starting goalkeeper who made great saves and recorded a shutout against the second best team in the world. 

Ali yelled for her wife. Ash felt like everything was moving in slow motion. She took in her wife's face and wanted to cry. Ali looked so beautiful in that moment. It reminded her of the first time she ever saw Ali, when their college teams had played each other so long ago. They had been through so much together since that wonderful day. 

Ashlyn finally snapped out of her trance-like state and stood up, just in time to catch Ali.

Ali jumped into her wife's arms and hid her face in her neck. Ash held her tightly. They might as well have been the only two people in the whole place. 

Ashlyn let her wife's legs return to the turf. They both suddenly felt calm. Ali went for it. She kissed her wife right on the lips, in front of the world. The couple usually held back when on national television. But in this moment nothing else mattered. The road that they had walked together to get to this place was long and painful.

But it was worth it.

Several other teammates joined the couple in celebrating. Ali immediately matched the excitement and volume of everyone else. Ashlyn stayed calm and quiet. She seemed to be in shock. Ali took her hand and dragged her around the field to thank the fans and continue celebrating.

Both women eventually made it to their family. Ash still seemed to be really introspective and awe struck. She silently and almost emotionlessly followed Ali around.

"Dad, we have to go through the awards ceremony and then take team pictures. I want the kids to be in the pictures, so we'll come get them right before." Ali explained. She wanted the whole family to be part of this monumental moment.

Ashlyn ended up winning the golden glove award. Ali and Whitney had to get her attention and nudge her toward the stage. Ashlyn accepted the award, smiled for the camera, and then returned to her wife. 

Ali was gushing over the award and stopped mid-sentence of her proud speech when she noticed that her wife's eyes were glazed over and unfocused.

"Ashlyn, are you ok?" Ali asked.

Ash didn't seem to hear her. Ali tried to think of when the last time was that her wife actually said something to her.

The team was called up to receive their medals, and Ali decided to put her worry on hold. She knew her wife wouldn't want to miss this moment due to a medical check.

After the ceremony, Ali went straight for the trainer. Ashlyn followed behind her, unsure of why they were talking to the medical staff instead of getting their children. 

From the stands, the rest of the Krieger-Harris family watched as Ali stood next to a man who was examining Ashlyn for a concussion. 

The trainer seemed confident that Ashlyn had suffered a concussion and instructed that the medical staff take a closer look after they finished the team pictures. When the man said that, Ali remembered she promised to get the kids. 

"Come on, Ash." Ali said and led her by the hand to the rest of the family. 

Ali knew as soon as they got to their kids that Jacob was worried about Ashlyn. He gave her a sad smile and looked like he wanted to throw up.

"Your Mama has a concussion. She's ok." Ali said. She wanted to put his heart at ease as soon as possible.

"Mama is hurt?" Sam asked.

"She hurt her head, but she's ok." Ali answered. She took her son from her Mom's arms and lifted him over the barrier. 

"Ashlyn, can you hold him?" Ali asked. She wasn't sure if it was a good idea to put her four year old into the arms of a concussed person, but she also knew that it might do them both some good. 

Sam and Ashlyn had a special connection, and the little boy's affectionate concern might be just what was needed to pull Ash out of the fog she seemed to be in.

Ali brought Lexi down and Jake jumped over the wall on his own. She held Lexi's hand and led her family to the rest of the team. All of the team mothers had their children with them. It was a beautiful reminder of the real reason they had worked so hard. 

...

Ali sat in an almost empty locker room with Ashlyn and held her hand as she went through the concussion test. She seemed to get more confused the longer the test went on. The team doctor instructed that Ashlyn get a brain scan. Her history made it too risky to ignore the symptoms. He wanted to find out what was going on as soon as possible.

...

"What a way to go, huh?" Ash said as she held tight to Ali's hand.

The two were driving home from a doctor appointment. Ash had just been told that her World Cup injury was more than likely career ending.

"Are you ok?" Ali asked. She was the one driving and Ash was in the passenger seat for a change.

"I don't know. It's almost too much to fathom right now." Ash replied.

"I'm so sorry, Baby." 

"At least we won the cup together. That's a dream come true. A truly great adventure." Ash said optimistically. 

"And you are officially the best goalkeeper in the world." Ali added.

"Yeah, right." Ash laughed off her wife's crazy thought.

"Ash, you were awarded the golden glove. You won that over all of the other country's best keepers." Ali explained.

"Well..." Ash turned her focus to something outside of her window. "Now that that's done, we have to get you pregnant."

Ali could see her wife's smile in the reflection of the window. She hoped to get to see that smile for the rest of her life. 

Things can change in the blink of an eye. Ash and Ali hoped that a baby would be part of their next adventure together.


	187. Expecting

"You ok?" Ali asked. Her wife hadn't said much since they left the doctor's office.

After the World Cup victory, and once Ashlyn's medical issues had been sorted out, the women decided they would try one more time to get pregnant.

Ali and Ash had been home for almost an hour since the appointment ended. They sat across from each other at their kitchen table and took in the information they had just been given.

"Why wouldn't I be ok?" Ash asked, referring to her wife's original question.

"I don't know. You haven't really said much since we got home. You've been staring at your coffee for twenty minutes. Have you changed your mind?" Ali replied.

Ash scrunched her eyebrows together in confusion and asked, "Changed my mind about what?"

"Having a baby?" 

"No! Of course not." Ash answered right away. "I was just thinking that we're gonna have to stock up on coffee." 

It was now Ali's turn to be confused.

"We're gonna be up all night for those late night feedings." Ash explained.

Ali teared up. She was an emotional mess. At least now that she was pregnant she had an excuse.

"You're gonna help me with the late night feedings, Baby?" Ali asked. 

"You know I will. I'm a hands on parent." Ash replied. 

Ali knew it was true. When Sam was a baby she always volunteered to get up when he cried. Ashlyn was the best partner Ali could ever hope for when it came to raising children. She was happy to get to have another chance at it.

"When are we gonna tell the kids?" Ali asked. 

The only negative side of the great news of the pregnancy was that they were going to need to explain some difficult things to their children. They had been dreading this conversation since the day they adopted Lexi and Samuel.

"Doc said we should wait until the first trimester, right? I mean, that's when you know you're good to go." Ash answered.

"Good to go?" Ali laughed. Her wife had such a way with words. "Ok, we'll wait until I'm 'good to go.'" Ali used her wife's terminology with a hint of mocking.

"Are you hungry? I gotta take care of my woman, now that she's with child." Ash joked. She grabbed for Ali's car keys and just as her hand covered them she felt a slap from Ali.

"You're still not allowed to drive. Did you really think I would forget?" Ali asked.

"I'm fine. I can drive. I've been under observation for almost a whole trimester now. It's time." Ash said with a smile.

Ash's doctor still hadn't released her to operate a motor vehicle. There were still symptoms of brain swelling present. She was doing much better, but she had been getting a lot of mild headaches. Sometimes those headaches turned into bad migraines that affected her vision. Therefore, poor Ashlyn wasn't allowed to drive.

"You're ridiculously cute, you know that?" Ali replied to her wife's silly argument. "I actually do have something to talk to you about that concerns our cars." Ali added.

"What?" Ash asked. She didn't like where this was going.

"I was thinking that maybe it's time for us to get a van." Ali said.

Ali could tell by Ashlyn's face that her wife would need more convincing. She tried to explain her reasoning for the suggestion.

"It's just that we are already maxed out with your Jeep. Once the new baby comes we will have to drive two cars." Ali explained. "So, I think we should trade in your Jeep for a nice van."

Ashlyn started laughing. In her mind there was no way Ali would ever ask her to get a van.

"Ash, I'm serious." Ali clarified.

"Uhhhh, um...No." Ash answered. She wasn't even willing to humor her wife about something as horrible as this.

"Baby, I know it will be an adjustment, but I don't see any other way." Ali replied. She really did feel bad for Ash.

"I know another way. You can get rid of your luxury sedan that can't even hold the family that we already have." Ash suggested.

"You want me to get rid of my BMW?" Ali asked. 

She was shocked. Ali is the original princess in Ashlyn's life and she had grown accustomed to being spoiled. If there was ever a situation where one of them had to rough it, Ash would volunteer immediately.

"Babe, you hardly ever drive it." 

"Exactly, you're the one that does most of the driving. You should be the one to get the van." Ali whined.

"I won't drive a van. I've actually been thinking about getting a motorcycle." Ash said.

"You can't be serious!" Ali threw her hands up in the air. Her wife was insane. "You're not getting a motorcycle, Ashlyn!" Ali put her foot down.

"Why can't I get one? If you're getting a van, I should be able to get a motorcycle." Ashlyn argued. She was an expert at driving her wife crazy.

"I'm not getting a van! You are!" Ali replied, completely exhausted. "I need a nap." Ali said with the sound of tired surrender in her voice.

"Now you're starting to sound like me, Babe." Ash stood from her chair and gave her wife a hug from behind. She playfully placed a kiss on the top of her pregnant wife's head and helped her to her feet. 

Ali didn't have the energy to argue. She laid her head against her wife's chest and closed her eyes. "You might have to carry me." Ali said.

"No problem." Ash replied. 

Ashlyn picked her wife up, bridal style, and carried her up the stairs to their bed. Ashlyn kissed her forehead and left her to fall asleep.

...

"Babyyyy." Ali whined holding out the last syllable. 

It was four in the morning and Ashlyn was asleep next to her. She lazily slapped her wife's stomach a few times until Ash responded.

"What?" Ash groggily asked.

"I have to throw up." Ali replied.

"Ok?" Ash said, as if it should be obvious to Ali that she could handle this problem on her own.

"Baby, will you please sit in there with me?" Ali whined. She changed her strategy from slapping to stroking Ashlyn's stomach.

"You want me to sit on the floor while you puke?" Ash asked for clarification.

"Yes." Ali said in a voice so soft that Ashlyn thought she was about to cry.

Ash exhaled a loud sigh and then said, "Fine." She helped her wife up and fell back to sleep on the bathroom floor rubbing Ali's back.

When Ash woke up later that morning she discovered that her wife left her there. She must have stepped right over her body to get back to their bed.

"She couldn't even bother to wake me up?" Ash mumbled to herself. She stretched her back and listened to her achy spine pop back into place.

Ali was usually the morning person in their relationship, but with the pregnancy Ashlyn had learned that anything goes. She decided to stay up and help with the kids in order to let Ali sleep in as long as she wanted.

...

"Ash-lynnnn!" Ali whined when she saw her family at the table eating breakfast.

Ali's tone was familiar to Ashlyn. Ali used that voice when she was in trouble. Unfortunately, she didn't know what she had done.

"Yeah?" Ash answered carefully. All three children were there with her and she didn't want to tip them off to Ali's fragile emotional state.

"I wanted to make my babies breakfast." Ali whined. 

Jacob was the only kid old enough to recognize that his mother wasn't her usual self, but he kept his questions to himself. Ashlyn's reaction made it clear that Ali needed to be handled with care.

Lexi's voice saved Ashlyn from Ali's disappointment. "Mommy, I helped make the eggs." She said proudly.

Ali immediately changed her opinion about the situation and started to cry. "You made the eggs?" She wiped at a tear from her eye and said, "That's so sweet of you. You are my perfect daughter." Ali took Lexi's head in both hands and kissed her hard on the forehead.

Ashlyn laughed to herself as she marveled at her wife's drastic mood swings.

"Mommy, I helped too!" Sam announced. He wanted some of the attention his sister was getting.

"My sweet boy!" Ali gushed. She gave him three kisses on the top of his head that put a proud smile on the boy's face.

"I'm just eating it." Jake said sarcastically. His whole family seemed a little too excited about who made breakfast. 

Ali turned toward her oldest child and Ash tried to interpret her expression. It seemed serious. Too serious for a comment that was intended to be a joke. She was worried her wife was about to lash out in anger. 

Ali started shaking her head and Ashlyn leaned in closer to Jacob, just in case she needed to deflect a negative response. She honestly had no idea what to expect.

"You don't eat enough." Ali finally said. Ashlyn breathed a sigh of relief and moved back towards her own plate of food.

Ali looked over Jacob's frame and said, "Sweetheart, you are too skinny. I'm serious. I worry about you." Ali took her focus off of Jake and put it back onto her wife. "Ash, we need to watch him better." 

"You're absolutely right, Babe." Ash quickly agreed. She stood from the table and made her wife a plate of food. She put it down in Ali's usual spot and hustled to get her something to drink.

"Baby, I'm not hungry." Ali said. She was still feeling nauseous and the smell of food wasn't helping. 

"Oh, sorry." Ash apologized immediately and took the food away.

"You guys are acting really weird." Jake said. 

Ash was thankful to hear her father-in-law knock on the front door. She jumped up to let him in, but mostly to get away from the suspicions of her son.

"Hey, Pop!" Ash greeted cheerfully. 

"Hey?" Ken said, confused at his daughter-in-law's uncommon energy in the morning. 

Ken knew about Ali's results and because of Ashlyn's inability to drive, he volunteered to help her with some of the everyday errands that she would normally do to help Ali.

"Sam-Bam, Grandpa's here. Time to go, buddy!" Ash announced. Sam came running towards them and did a flying karate kick before giving his grandpa a hug.

"Hi-ya, Gramps!" Sam greeted Ali's Dad excitedly. 

"Give me a quick sec." Ash said and returned to the kitchen. She bent down and whispered into her wife's ear, "Babe, your Dad's here. We gotta go take Sam to practice. Are you gonna be ok without me?" 

Ali rolled her eyes. "You're acting like I'm a child. I'll be fine." Ali replied. 

Ash stood up straight and waved to the kids, signaling that she was leaving. Ali pouted in her chair and when Ash looked back she stopped immediately. 

"Now what did I do?" Ash thought to herself. She carefully approached her hormonal wife and asked, "Is everything ok?" 

"You didn't kiss me goodbye. We should always kiss goodbye." Ali said. 

Ash smiled and gladly gave Ali the kiss she asked for. She shook her head as she walked away and wondered how in the world she was going to get through 9 months of a pregnant Ali.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You already know I love your input, since you guys are so awesome. I was thinking I could ask you to give me baby name ideas. 
> 
> What are some good baby names???


	188. More Than A Dream

"I'm mad at you, ya know?" Ash heard Ali's voice through the sound of the water running. She was in the master bathroom brushing her teeth and her wife was still in bed.

Ash spit and walked toward her wife with her toothbrush sticking out of her mouth. 

"Why?" Ash asked. 

She wasn't surprised at all by her wife's displeasure with her. Ali had been pregnant for two months now and Ash seemed to be the biggest offender of her feelings.

"I don't wanna say. But I'm using my anger management methods towards you to control it." Ali answered and turned her head away from her wife.

Ashlyn couldn't help it. She accidentally let a chuckle slip out. Her wife had been putting her through a lot since getting pregnant. She had to maintain a sense of humor about it to survive, but she also had to make Ali feel validated in her emotions. Laughing was not a good way to do that.

"Don't laugh at me!" Ali snapped at her.

"I'm sorry!" Ash apologized as quickly as possible. She returned to the bathroom sink, rinsed out her mouth and went back to console her wife.

"Babe, I'm sorry." Ash said again. She sat down next to Ali and rubbed her back to try and comfort her. "You know I would never purposely try to hurt you or make you angry. If you tell me what I did, I will make sure I don't do it again." 

Ali's expression softened and she leaned her head on Ashlyn's shoulder. "I had a bad dream about you last night."

A dream. Ali was upset with her wife because of a dream.

Ashlyn had to stay as serious as possible. Ali's reason for being angry was completely out of Ashlyn's control. It was literally a figment of Ali's imagination.

"Whatever I did in your dream, I'm truly sorry." Ash apologized again. 

"You don't even know what it is. How do you know you're sorry?" Ali replied.

"Why don't you tell me?" Ash asked.

"I don't want to. It hurts me to think about." 

"Babe, I'm sorry." Ash didn't know what else to say. "If you don't want to talk about it, you don't have to." 

Ash started to get up to finish getting ready, but Ali pulled her back down. "You left us." Ali said.

"In your dream?" Ash asked.

"Yes. I had our baby, you took one look at her and left us." 

"Her?" Ash asked.

"Yes, we're having a girl. But that's not the point. You left us."

"Babe, I would never leave you. That's not even an option that I would ever consider." Ash defended her non-dream self.

"But you left us!" Ali replied nearly in tears.

Ashlyn knew she had to try a different approach. 

"Alex, what type of anger management methods are you trying out?" Ash asked.

"Well first off, I'm trying to take deep breaths and focus on my breathing. This helps keep my heart rate down and my emotions in check." Ali explained.

Ashlyn could've easily broke it to her wife that her emotions were NOT anywhere near in check, but she chose wisely not to.

"I do that sometimes, too." Ash said. "It really helps. What else do you do?"

"Well, the therapist said that I should try to broaden my perspective and step back, and see if there might be other things going on that are causing me to be more emotional than the incident deserves." Ali explained.

Ashlyn really wanted to tell Ali she was overreacting and that the reason for her overreaction was the pregnancy, but she also wanted to be a good wife.

Ali added, "But that one doesn't really apply to me, right now."

"You don't think there might be something else going on that's causing you to overreact to something that never actually happened?" Ash asked. She was hoping Ali would figure it out on her own.

"What are you trying to say?" Ali asked. 

"Nothing." Ash answered. She wasn't going to press her luck. "I'm just trying to learn more about anger management." 

Ali eyed Ashlyn up and down suspiciously. Her hormones didn't change the fact that she knew her wife better than Ashlyn knew herself.

"You think I'm overreacting." Ali stated matter of factly.

"I think you're beautiful." Ash replied. She wasn't going to give her wife any more reason to be upset with her.

"You do?" Ali asked. 

"Yes, and I'm convinced that you get more beautiful everyday." Ash replied sweetly. 

"Aww!" Ali swooned. She wasn't angry anymore. Ash had successfully maneuvered her way through the maze of Ali's emotions and came out alive and in one piece. 

Ash kissed her wife and put an arm around her. She let Ali feel the safety of her embrace and hoped that she would never do anything, in real life anyway, that would ever cause her commitment to be a steady presence of strength and support to be questioned.

Ash gave her wife one more kiss before getting up to finish getting dressed for the day and said, "By the way Babe, we're gonna have a boy."

...

"Ashlyn bugs me so much!" Ali complained to her mother on the phone. Her Mom couldn't help but laugh.

"Honey, I'm sure it's not Ashlyn's fault. You're more sensitive than usual." Deb replied.

"Mom!" Ali was sure her mother was completely clueless. "You don't understand. Every little thing she does is annoying." Ali said.

"Sweetheart, think about what you just said. Do you think Ashlyn has changed into a different person since you've gotten pregnant? Or could it be that your hormones are a little crazy right now?" Deb asked.

"I guess she didn't really start getting on my nerves until after I got pregnant." Ali confessed. This revelation broke her heart. "Mom, I've been so mean to her!" 

"Alex, I'm sure she understands. Let her know you're sorry and that you appreciate her and I'm sure everything will be fine." Deb suggested.

"Alright, Mom. I gotta go." Ali replied. She was in a hurry to make things right.

The two women said their goodbyes and Ali set out on a mission. She was going to make sure her wife knew how much she loved her.

...

Ever since Ashlyn's doctor had cleared her to drive, she tried to take the kids out of the house every few days to give Ali some peaceful time alone. On this particular day, Ash took the children and Monster on a hike. She had texted Ali to see if she wanted her to pick up dinner, but Ali told her not to worry about it.

When Ash and the kids got home they found Ali cooking.

"Babe, you don't have to do that." Ash said. She massaged Ali's shoulders and tried to take the spoon Ali was stirring a pot of sauce with out of her hand.

"Ash, stop." Ali said a little too forcefully. She wanted to do something for Ashlyn, for a change.

Ashlyn stiffened and removed her hands from her wife's shoulders. Ali felt her wife's response and felt a twinge of pain in her chest. Ash seemed almost afraid of her.

Ali turned toward Ash and said, "Baby, I'm making your favorite. You've been so patient and good to me. I want you to know I love you so much!" 

Ali kissed a stunned Ashlyn and felt a different hormonal sensation come over her. She dropped the marinara covered spoon on the floor and pushed her wife against the counter. 

"Babe!" Ash mumbled against Ali's lips. "The kids."

The kids were standing right behind them. They had walked into the house with Ashlyn. Ali was mortified.

Thankfully Ali's moment of passion didn't last long enough to scar their children for life.

...

After dinner Ali put Jacob in charge of cleaning up the kitchen and helping Lex and Sam wash the dishes. She wanted to have a heart to heart talk with Ashlyn in private.

Ali had Ash sit down and stretch her legs out the length of the couch. She sat down at the other end of the couch and put Ash's feet in her lap. She started to massage her feet before she shared what was on her mind.

"So, my Mom informed me that I might have been a little hard on you lately." Ali said. 

Ash immediately disagreed with her wife. "You've been perfect, Babe."

"That's very sweet of you to say, but I know it's not true. I've been thinking back about everything I've put you through. I'm really sorry. I'm so lucky to have you. I just want you to know that I appreciate you." Ali said.

"Thank you, Babe." Ash replied. She wasn't sure if she was hearing the real Ali's words or if it was one of Ali's mood swings speaking. She figured she needed to temper her expectations. 

"Ash, I'm serious. I've been emotional for obvious reasons. I didn't realize how hard I've been on you. I really am so thankful to have you." 

"I'm the lucky one, Alex. Your body is going through a lot right now. You don't need to be sorry. There's a miracle happening inside of you." Ash replied.

"Later tonight I'm hoping we both get lucky." Ali whispered after scanning the room to make sure there were no little ears listening. She finished her sentiment by wiggling her eyebrows up and down. 

She had a lot more planned for her mission of showing Ashlyn her love and appreciation. However, the rest of her plan was beyond the G rating that was acceptable for all ages. She needed to finish her mission after the kids were asleep.

...

After a time of intimate fun, Ashlyn's head rested on Ali's bare chest. Ash gently rubbed Ali's belly with her hand.

"Do you think I'm getting fat?" Ali asked.

"No. You can't really tell yet." Ash answered.

"I feel fatter than a normal person would be." Ali replied. She put her hand over Ashlyn's and pushed down lightly. 

"Babe, you're not. I promise." 

"Will you still think I'm beautiful, even when I'm fat?" Ali asked.

"You will always be beautiful to me. It's not about how much you weigh, it's about who you are." Ash explained. 

She moved from Ali's chest and laid down next to her. Ali wordlessly moved her head to Ashlyn's shoulder.

"I'm scared." Ali confessed. "So much is changing. I'm worried that it will be too much." 

"Babe, you're the strongest woman I know. If anyone can handle it, you can. Besides, you're not alone in this."

"Aw." Ali kissed Ashlyn's shoulder. "You're right. Thank you for being so good to me, even though I'm a little crazy at the moment."

"Well, you might be crazy for nine months, but I'm crazy everyday. So..." Ash said and heard her wife laugh. It was a welcome sound to her ears.

"You're a good kind of crazy, though." Ali said. Ash could feel the smile on her wife's face against her skin. 

"I'm crazy for you." Ash replied with a smirk.

"We're crazy for each other." Ali added. "So you think we're having a boy?" Ali asked.

"Yeah, but I guess you would know better, since you're the pregnant one." Ash answered.

"I'll be happy with either one." Ali said. "We are already so blessed. This baby is in for a life filled with a lot of love."

"You got that right." Ash agreed. "Hey, do me a favor." Ash said. "If you dream about me tonight try to make it about how awesome and amazing I am, so that you wake up madly in love with me." Ash joked referring to Ali's dream the night before.

"Baby, I don't have to dream to know I'm madly in love with you." Ali said sweetly. 

Ali couldn't have said anything more true.


	189. A Good Deal

"Are you feeling any better?" Ash asked.

She had left Ali to pick up some ginger lozenges that were recommended for Ali's nausea. The doctor told them that Ali's pregnancy seemed to be more difficult than the average person. Ali felt sick and exhausted all the time. She kept Ashlyn busy being her personal nurse.

"Not really." Ali answered and rolled onto her side. "Can you rub my back?" She asked. 

"Of course." Ash replied and unwrapped one of the lozenges she had made a special trip for. She popped it in Ali's mouth and grabbed a nearby bottle of water. "You haven't had much to drink since I left." She said, shaking the almost full bottle.

"I know. But it was too far away." Ali whined. The bottle would have required her to get up out of bed, and she didn't feel like doing that. She would rather wait for her wife to do it.

"Sit up and take a few sips and then I'll rub your back." Ash ordered. The doctor made it clear that Ali was at a high risk for dehydration. 

"I'm not gonna be able to keep it down." Ali complained. 

"That's why you have to take a few sips. You have to try, Babe. Doc said you gotta stay hydrated or else you will have to get an IV." Ash answered. She wasn't used to being the strict one in their relationship. 

"Baby, I just want to sleep for a little bit. I'm tired of throwing up." Ali begged for Ash to take it easy on her and let her be.

"Alex, you need to drink for both you and the baby. I'm sorry." 

Ali took a couple of sips and sadly laid back down. Ash immediately started to rub her back and told her a story about a woman at the pharmacy who she caught staring at her tattooed arm.

Ash made the story as dramatic as possible, even though she didn't have a lot to work with. Basically it was just an elderly woman who gave her a dirty look, but Ash was trying hard to distract her wife from her discomfort.

"Babe, I'm gonna make an appointment for you. Where's the doctor's number?" Ash asked. Ali always made the appointments.

"I'm ok. I just need a nap." Ali answered. She had no desire to leave the house. She really didn't even want to leave her bed.

"Ok, try to get some sleep. I gotta pick Sam up from school." Ash massaged her wife's back for a few more minutes and then gave her a kiss on the cheek before stealing her phone. 

She called Ali's doctor and scheduled an appointment for the next day.

...

The next day was hard. Ash got the kids ready for school while Ali stayed in bed. Once their children were all at school, she hurried home to help Ali get ready for her appointment. 

Ali was exhausted and weak. Ash kept a steady hold of her by keeping an arm around her waist at all times. The nurse gave Ali and IV to rehydrate her and then instructed her to lay down and pull up her shirt. The nurse prepared Ali's belly for an ultrasound and looked carefully at the image on the screen. 

She seemed bothered by something. 

She gave Ali and Ashlyn a small polite smile and announced that she was going to get the doctor. Ashlyn tightened her grip on Ali's hand as they waited to find out what in the heck was going on.

"Ashlyn?" Ali said softly. Her voice was shaky and scared.

"I'm sure it's ok." Ash said unconvincingly. She was just as scared as Ali. 

A few minutes later the doctor came in with the nurse and greeted the women. 

"I'm just gonna take a quick look." He said. 

Ali closed her eyes and waited for the bad news. Ashlyn watched the doctor's every move.

After taking a few good looks at the monitor screen he asked the nurse to help Ali get cleaned up. Once her stomach was dry and her shirt pulled down, he asked for Ashlyn to take a seat in a nearby chair.

"I think I know the reason for Ali's intense symptoms." He said.

"Is everything ok?" Ash asked. She saw that her wife still had her eyes closed and knew she was trying not to cry.

"Yes." The doctor said. He didn't want to draw out the couple's suspense. "Ali is having twins." 

Ali opened her eyes and gasped. "What?" She asked. This was the last thing she was expecting.

"The possibility of giving birth to multiple babies increases with IVF. I'm sure we went over this as a potential outcome when we discussed the procedure." Ali's doctor explained.

"Yeah, we did." Ali replied slowly. She was stunned. 

Ali and the doctor talked about the next steps for her to take in making sure her and both babies were safe and healthy. It took about ten minutes to finish the consultation. During that time, Ashlyn didn't say a word. She stared at the doctor with a blank look on her face. She was in a state of complete shock.

"I think your wife has checked out." The doctor joked. He was familiar enough with the couple to know that Ash could take a joke.

"I think so, too. Hopefully she'll snap out of it soon. She's my ride." Ali said with a small smile. 

Ali's poor wife had been taking such good care of her during this stressful time. This unexpected announcement must've pushed her right over the edge.

"We'll leave you two alone. A nurse will come back and help you with your IV once the bag is empty." The doctor said and signaled for his nurse to give them some privacy.

Ali climbed down from the exam table, careful not to pull on the tube attached to her arm, and stood in front of her wife. "You ok, Ash?" She asked in a soft and calm tone.

Ash let out a breath she had been holding for too long and looked up with wide eyes at her wife standing over her. Ali rested her hands on Ashlyn's shoulder and asked again, "Baby, are you ok?"

"Twins." Ash whispered.

"Yeah, looks like it." Ali replied calmly.

"That's two babies."

"Yep." Ali knew her wife needed some time to let the news sink in.

"Alex, we're never gonna sleep again." Ashlyn said and started to cry.

Ali was relieved that her wife was freaking out about sleep and not regretting their decision to have a baby, which has now turned into two babies.

"You're worried about sleep?" Ali asked and leaned down to hug her wife.

"I'm already so tired." Ash mumbled into Ali's shoulder.

"I know, Baby. We can take a nap with Sammy this afternoon." Ali reminded her wife of their daily nap time. She sorta felt like she had to treat Ashlyn delicately at the moment. 

"Alex, I feel like I'm drowning. I'm not good at this." Ash admitted what her mind was struggling with. It had a lot more to do with than sleeplessness.

"What do you mean, Ash? You're a great mother. We already know that." 

"I'm no good at being you. I feel like I'm not doing a very good job of taking care of you and the kids. I'm worried I'm gonna let you down. And now..." Ash paused to let the news sink in all over again. "Now we're having twins. That's five kids. FIVE KIDS! What am I gonna do when you're traveling with the team or doing a photo shoot? And not to mention we're both unemployed right now." Neither woman returned to the Spirit. Ali used the excuse that her and her family needed a break, and Ashlyn was forced to retire because of injury.

"Ok, Sweetheart, take a breath." Ali knelt down in front of her seated wife and pressed their foreheads together. She breathed in deeply and slowly exhaled, giving Ashlyn an example to follow.

"Ali, I'm scared I'm gonna let you down." Ash confessed. "I can't even manage to take care you when you're sick." 

"Ashlyn, I don't think you give yourself enough credit. You've been perfect. I mean that. The reason you're doubting yourself is because you care so much." Ali said and gave her wife a long kiss to try and pull her out of her self-doubt.

"I'm sorry I'm freaking out." Ash apologized. "I don't think it will last long." 

"It's ok." Ali replied with an understanding smile.

"It's just really hard for me to see you suffer. I hate that I can't do anything to make you feel better." 

"But you do make me feel better. You really do." Ali said. She pulled her wife up for a hug and gave her one last kiss before letting go.

"Five children, Ali..." Ash held out her open hand as if counting to five on her fingers. "Five!"

"I know, Baby." Ali smiled sweetly. Ali thought her wife's little freak out was kinda cute.

"Two kids is like the norm. Three is still ok. Four is a little crazy... But FIVE! Yowza!" 

Ali laughed at her wife's amazement and saw a smile break out on Ashlyn's face.

"Babe, we're gonna have twins." This time when Ashlyn said it, it wasn't a scared realization, it was more like a tone of thankful amazement. 

"Yep." Ali said and nodded.

"Two for the price of one." Ash joked. And then quickly added, "That's a good deal!"


	190. Love & Loyalty

"Ash, come sit down with me." Ali said to her wife who was stressing out about the conversation they were going to have with their children in a couple hours.

Between a headache and anxiety, Ashlyn was a mess. She was trying to be secretive about it because she didn't want to stress out her pregnant wife, but Ali saw right through her.

Ashlyn obliged her wife's request and sat down next to her on their bed. Ali was up because of morning sickness and Ashlyn hadn't slept at all the night before. 

"Sweetheart, it's gonna be ok." Ali whispered and pulled Ashlyn into a hug.

"I don't want to hurt them." Ash mumbled into Ali's shoulder.

"I know. We knew this day was coming. They'll be ok." Ali encouraged.

Now that Ali's baby bump was growing and she was getting tired of wearing hoodies all the time to try and hide it, they decided to tell the kids about the pregnancy. They also concluded that it was the right time to explain that they were adopted.

Ash and Ali had adopted them when they were too young to remember anything different. With the addition of the new babies, it didn't make sense to put off the adoption talk any longer. Lexi, who is the smartest little girl they know, would soon be putting things together. They would rather be the ones to explain difficult things to their children, instead of letting someone else do it, or leaving it to them to figure it out on their own.

Ashlyn knew how it felt to be the kid that didn't belong. In her case, it was the foster care system that made her feel unwanted. She didn't want any of her children to feel the way she felt growing up. She was moved from home to home and never really fit in anywhere until her grandparents took her and her brother in. 

During those years she was reminded over and over again that she wasn't one of the 'real' children. Whether it was because of words or actions, she knew she didn't belong. She couldn't live with herself if any of her children ever felt that way.

...

"Sammy, come sit on Mama's lap. We're gonna have a family meeting." Ali announced. She had a firm hold of Ashlyn's hand and gave it an encouraging squeeze.

They had discussed earlier that Ashlyn would do most of the talking due to Ali's emotional state, but it was becoming clear that Ash was the more emotional of the two, at the moment.

Once Sam had climbed into his Mama's lap, Ash pulled him close and hid her face in the crook of his neck. 

Before Ali could say a word, Sam had already turned around in Ashlyn's lap and pressed their faces together. He smashed Ashlyn's cheeks together with both hands and gave her a peck on the lips. It both melted and broke Ashlyn's heart. She was worried that he would soon feel differently about her, and maybe even himself.

Ali watched as her wife's eyes started to glisten, she gave Ashlyn's hand another squeeze for support, and then took a deep breath. 

"We have a very exciting announcement to share with you today." She announced with a smile. They did have some good news, after all.

Samuel managed to wedge himself between his Mama and the back of the couch and pushed on Ashlyn, moving her forward and back in an excited and steady rhythm. 

"I'm gonna have a baby." Ali said. She didn't want to drag it out. 

Jake's face showed no emotion. He already put two and two together and figured it out a while ago. Lexi's eyebrows were furrowed and it was obvious she was thinking things through. Samuel seemed to be preoccupied with Ashlyn's hair. He was using it to give himself a mustache. He completely missed his Mommy's news.

Ash saw Ali's frustration and stepped in to help. 

"Sam-Bam!" Ash said sternly. She didn't sound angry but she did sound serious.

"What Mama?" Sam stood at attention.

"I need you to sit in my lap and listen really hard." Ash said.

Sam saluted her and sat down obediently.

"Bam, did you hear what Mommy said? She has a baby in her tummy." Ash said. 

Ash and Ali had discussed getting their children used to the idea of one child coming before announcing they were welcoming twins. 

"Mommy has a baby in her tummy?" Sam asked for confirmation.

"Yep." Ash replied.

Without hesitation the little boy leaned forward so that his head was right in front of Ali's stomach. He gave a quick wave and said, "Hi baby."

He sat back up in Ashlyn's lap and started playing with her hair again.

Both women looked at each other with confusion. They were not expecting to have such an easy time. Ash shrugged and Ali put a hand over her belly and smiled.

Maybe they had worried for nothing.

"Mama, how did the baby get in Mommy's tummy?" Sam asked.

Maybe they hadn't worried enough.

"Well, umm..." Ash stuttered. Ali watched as her wife struggled to figure out how to explain a very difficult subject to their littlest child.

"A doctor put the baby in my tummy." Ali answered simply. 

Sam's eyes got really big and he looked down at his own stomach and whispered, "A doctor?"

Little Sam had just gone to the doctor the day before and thought maybe he had a baby in his tummy, too.

Ash read his mind.

"Sam, you're not gonna have a baby. You don't have to worry about that." Ash said. 

The family watched the little boy puff out his belly and poke at it a few times with his finger.

Jacob laughed at his little brother and tapped his sister on the arm. He winked at her and tried to get her to lighten up. She seemed to be pondering something.

"Mommy?" Lexi said. "Was I in your tummy when I was a baby?"

They thought Sam's question was hard. It was a piece of cake compared to Lexi's.

Ali gave a sympathetic look to Jacob before answering. She wanted to be careful. 

"No, Sweetheart. All babies come from someone's tummy, but sometimes the baby gets to have a different mommy." Ali said. 

She looked at Ash hoping that what she said was ok. Ash nodded slightly to convey that she thought it was alright. 

Ashlyn knew there was no going back now. Lex's question and Ali's answer gave them the perfect opportunity to explain their adoption. 

"Mommy is having a baby, and that's good news. But it's also good news when parents get a baby through other ways." Ash said. She doubted that she was making sense but kept trying. 

"Remember when we adopted Jacob?" Ash asked.

"Yeah." Lexi answered.

"He was inside someone else's tummy, but we are his parents because we love him and he is a part of our family. It doesn't matter that he didn't grow in Mommy's tummy. He's an important part of our family, right?" Ashlyn asked.

"Yeah." Lex answered and smiled shyly at her big brother.

"You and Sam grew in the same woman's tummy that Jake was inside when he was a baby. And when Mommy and me got to have you we became the luckiest parents in the world." Ash said. 

"What happened to the lady who's tummy I was in?" Lexi asked.

Sam was trying hard to pay attention but it was a lot for him to understand. Ashlyn could tell the boy was troubled by all the complicated information. 

Ash stood up with the confused boy in her arms and told Ali they were gonna play with Monster in Sam's room. It was too much for the little guy to understand. Ash knew that the topic of their biological parents could get painful, at least for Jacob. He remembered them. They didn't want to speak poorly of the people that gave life to their children, but there wasn't a lot else good to say about them.

After Ash and Sam left, Ali answered her daughter's question as carefully as she could. "The woman who gave birth to you was sick." Ali said. "She passed away when Sam was a baby and you were little." 

"She died?" Lexi asked.

"Yes, Sweetheart." Ali answered.

"That makes me sad." The little girl answered.

Ali glanced at Jake and saw the sadness on his face, too. He actually knew and remembered the woman they were talking about.

"I know, Love. But I think she would be happy to see that you and your brothers are happy and healthy." Ali said. 

Jacob put his head down, but Ali could see that he was shaking it in agreement. 

Lexi stood up from where she was seated on the floor and walked over to where Ali was sitting. She didn't say anything, but Ali knew what she wanted.

"You wanna sit up here with me, Sweetheart?" Ali asked. 

When the girl nodded yes, Ali helped her up and hugged her with both arms. This conversation did not go the way her or Ashlyn had imagined. The children didn't seem to mind that they were adopted. Instead, they felt sadness for their biological mother. 

"Jacob?" Ali stretched a hand out to her son. "Come join us. I need to be close to you, too." She knew her son was hurting. 

Ali didn't even want to think about what her son was re-living.

Jacob slowly sat down next to his mother and sister and though it took a few moments, he ended up letting Ali console him. He slouched down low enough to lean on her shoulder. When Ali moved her arm around his back, he moved his head from her shoulder to her chest. 

He needed his mother's comfort.

...

Ashlyn was practically hiding from the seriousness of their baby/adoption conversation. She smiled and played with her little boy, but she felt sick with worry. 

Ali stood at the door with eyes filled with compassion for her wife. She knew she was an anxious mess.

"Is there room for one more?" Ali asked and took a seat next to her wife on Sam's bed. 

Sam was smashing his toy cars together and making explosion noises with each collision. He smiled at his Mommy's arrival and gave her one of his cars to play with.

"Sammy, I think we need to give Mama some kisses, don't you?" Ali said. 

"We do?" Sam answered.

"I think so. I bet you I can give her ten kisses. You wanna race and see who can give her ten kisses the fastest?" Ali asked.

Ash's demeanor was already starting to brighten up just by the conversation. Ali seemed to be ok, which meant the kids must also be ok.

"Ready, set, go!" Ali signaled that the kiss race was underway. Both of them covered Ashlyn's face with kisses. 

Ashlyn closed her eyes and tried to tighten them enough that her fresh tears wouldn't slip out. Ali whispered in her ear, "Everything is ok. Lexi isn't upset about being adopted. She understands that she's a part of our family." Ali sealed her message with one last kiss and pulled away.

Sam saw his Mommy stop kissing so he followed suit.

"Did I win, Mommy?" He asked. He hadn't been counting. He was focused on being a kissing machine.

"You won, Sammy. You're the champion." Ali replied with a big smile on her face. She took her wife's hand and watched as their son did a fist pump to celebrate his victory. 

It took a little while for all of Ashlyn's anxious nerves to settle down after an entire day of worrying, but eventually she felt much better about how things turned out.

...

That night after the children had gone to bed, Ashlyn sat at the foot of her and Ali's bed and massaged her pregnant wife's feet. As she tried to rub away the aches and pains, Ali filled Ashlyn in on the last part of the discussion she had missed.

"Baby, I was so proud of Lexi. Our sweet girl wasn't thinking about herself, she was sad about hearing how a stranger had died. Our children are amazing." Ali boasted.

"What about Jake? How was he with all of this?" Ashlyn asked.

"He's hurting. I think the conversation brought back some painful memories." Ali answered.

"Should we have him talk to someone? Like a therapist, or something. I don't want him to struggle with this later in life." 

"I know. You're absolutely right. But I also don't want to make it worse for him, either. Up until now he has seemed fine. Will we be making things harder on him by forcing him to revisit those horrible things?" Ali asked.

Ashlyn stopped massaging Ali's feet and crawled up the bed to lay down next her. She let Ali's body melt into her left side. She held her close and said sadly, "I wish I could've dealt with my issues before they messed me up." 

"Ash..." Ali tried to encourage her wife and tell her she wasn't messed up, but Ashlyn wouldn't let her get that far.

"Alex, you know the things I've struggled with. You know that I could never have made it alone. What if our son doesn't end up with someone like you? What if his sadness and anger one day become too much for him? I can't let that happen to him. I'm not exaggerating when I say that I don't know if I would be alive right now if it wasn't for you. We need to get him help. He's our's to take care of. He has so much potential, and I don't want his traumatic past to rob that from him." 

Somewhere in the middle of Ashlyn's heartfelt reply the women had switched positions. It was no longer Ashlyn holding Ali, but Ali holding her.

"Ok, Baby. We'll do everything we can to help him." Ali answered. "I promise you that."

The women fell asleep in each other's arms with a sense of relief that their children seemed not to question their place in the family, or the fact that they were loved beyond measure.

They also knew that there would be more questions in the future as their children got older that they would need to be ready to answer honestly and gracefully. 

Together, they would prove their love and loyalty to all of their children...for the rest of their lives.


	191. Baby Bat Signals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In order to cover important events in the story before the end, time is moving pretty fast.
> 
> Ali is now 7 months pregnant.
> 
> Jacob is 16 years old.
> 
> Lexi is 7.
> 
> Sam is 5.
> 
> Ashlyn still won't trade her Jeep for a van. Some things never change. ;)

"ASHLYN!!!!"

"Uh, oh." Jake said while smiling at his Mama. "It's the baby bat signal."

Ashlyn laughed and playfully pushed her son out of the way. Jake and Ash were working on moving his stuff to the empty room downstairs so that the nursery could be close to Ash and Ali's bedroom.

Ashlyn had been kept busy lately taking care of her 7 month pregnant wife. She was constantly helping her with everything from tying her shoes, to picking up items she had dropped and couldn't bend over to pick up.

Ali felt like she was as big as a house. Ash had to constantly remind her that she had two mini humans inside of her and that she still managed to be the most beautiful woman she had ever seen.

Jacob became Ashlyn's right hand man. He had turned 16 and was already more mature than most kids his age. Ash constantly thanked him and told him that he was the only reason she was able to be such a strong supporting presence for her pregnant wife. Jake took extra good care of his brother and sister. He volunteered to run errands and help with cooking and cleaning. He actually ended up being a much better chef than Ashlyn, which made Ali feel better about not always being the one to cook the meals.

Ash hurried to her wife, who was playing with Lexi and Sam on her and Ashlyn's bed.

"What's up, Babe?" Ash asked, slightly out of breath.

"Can you please get me some water?" She asked.

"Seriously?" Ash asked in disbelief.

"What?" Ali asked, clueless of why her wife seemed perplexed and maybe a little irritated.

"Babe, these guys could've gotten you water. Jake and I are working hard trying to clear out his room. You don't need me for this." Ash said with a hint of frustration in her voice.

"Ashlyn, I don't want a bottle of water. I can taste the plastic. And these guys aren't big enough to reach the cups from the cupboards." Ali rationally explained.

"Ok." Ash answered with a sigh.

"Lex, come help me please." Ash said and took her daughter's hand to help her off the bed.

Once the two of them had made it downstairs she felt the coast was clear enough to devise a plan with her daughter.

"I'm gonna set a few cups on the counter here next to the fridge." Ash said and grabbed some glasses and set them down within the little girl's reach. "If Mommy wants water, and I'm busy, please help her."

"You got it, Mama!" Lex said excitedly.

She wanted to be treated like she was bigger. She saw how much Jake was getting to do and wanted to be like him. Instead she felt like she was being treated like her little brother, and that was not ok with her.

Ash showed her how to get ice and water from the refrigerator. She taught her about the buttons and gave her advice to only use a little ice so that the water doesn't splash out when filling the glass.

Ash even had Lexi carry the cup of water upstairs and hand it to Ali.

"Babe, I taught Lexi how to get you a glass of water. The cups are on the counter and she is a professional water-getter now." Ash patted Lexi's back and said, "Right, Lex?"

"Yeah, I'm really good." Lexi bragged.

Ashlyn gave Ali a kiss on the forehead and stretched her hand out to give Sam a high five before leaving to return to help Jacob. Right after she reached the hallway she heard her wife's voice.

"Ashlyn!"

She exhaled loudly and turned around slowly. "Coming!"

She poked her head in through the door and saw her wife's eyes tearing up.

Ash thought she must've said or done something wrong. She seemed to be doing that a lot lately without realizing it. Ashlyn hurried to her wife's side.

"What's wrong?" Ash asked.

"I need a hug." Ali whined.

Ash settled herself in next to Ali and decided to throw her own agenda away for the moment. Nothing was more important than being present for her wife.

"Ash, I miss you." Ali confessed.

Maybe there was a bigger reason for Ali's constant 'baby bat signals.'

"I'm right here, Babe." Ash answered and let Ali rest in her arms. "Bam, can you go get your brother for me, please?" Ash asked.

"Yee-up!" Sam said and saluted his Mama.

Sam hurried to retrieve Jake.

When the boys returned, Ash had them sit down and made an announcement while rubbing Ali's back.

"I think we should have a family day, where all five of us spend the rest of the day together." She said.

"What about..." Jake started to say but Ashlyn cut him off.

"We won't worry about that right now."

It took almost an hour for the entire family to get ready and presentable enough to make it out of the house. But it needed to be done. Ali's pregnancy was difficult and uncomfortable. It made her feel like staying in bed all day and crying. She needed to get out of the house more than anyone.

Ash decided to take her family out to dinner. It was a low maintenance way to spend some quality time together. The family drove in circles around town until Ali could settle on something she felt she would be able to enjoy eating.

Ali's cravings were intense, but her nausea was much worse. Just the smallest hint of a scent of something she didn't like that day, could cause her to throw up. Things that she used to love were now her greatest enemy.

...

"Jake, your Mom and I have been talking." Ash said. She held Samuel in her lap and sipped on her soda. "We are gonna get a van. That means we will have three vehicles. We can't guarantee which car you drive on any given day, but we will have one available for you."

"Are you serious?" Jake asked. He never expected to have his own car to drive. Well, sort of his own car.

"Yeah. We wish we could get you something just for you, but with the new additions..." Ali said and patted her belly. "We can't do that just yet."

Ashlyn added, "You'll have to be flexible about what car you drive. Sometimes it will be mine, or your Mom's, or the super cool new van." Ash joked. She hated the idea of even having a van in their driveway.

"No problem!" Jake said eagerly. He felt beyond lucky that his parents would think of him in this way. There was a time when just having a bed was a dream for him, and now he has a family, a house, and even a vehicle to drive. He never would've guessed this is how his life would've turned out. He felt truly blessed.

"You've been a big help lately, Sweetheart." Ali said. "We're really proud of you."

"Thanks." Jake answered shyly. His parents' approval meant the world to him.

While Sam and Ashlyn had a bubble blowing contest in their drinks, Ali left to use the bathroom for the third time that evening. She was sure her babies were having a dance party on her bladder. On her way back to the table, a man bumped into her and said something unkind about her size.

Ashlyn had been watching her wife walk towards the table and saw everything that happened. She jumped up quickly to defend her sensitive wife.

"Back off!" Ash said and pushed the man away from Ali. She made sure to step in between her wife and the man.

The man was surprised by Ashlyn's sudden entrance into the situation and made a hateful anti-gay remark about the two of them. Ash was ready to take matters into her own hands but was interrupted by their teenage son.

"Shut your mouth!" Jake said in a booming low voice. "Show a little respect to my parents before I make you regret your ignorance."

Both Ashlyn and Ali were stunned. Their boy was no longer a boy. He had become a young man. If they were honest, he was a strong intimidating presence, too.

Jacob was more than capable of taking care of himself, but he was also strong enough to know that violence and anger are not going to solve any problems. However, in this situation he wanted to make it clear that his family was off limits to ignorant bullying and mistreatment.

"Sorry." The unkind man said under his breath and walked away.

Jake stood his ground long enough to make sure his parents made it back to their table without any problems. He ended up switching seats with his sister so that he could keep an eye on the man for the rest of the meal.

Jacob would do anything to protect his family.

...

Ashlyn rewarded Jacob by letting him drive the family home. They didn't usually let him drive the children, or any minor for that matter, because they wanted him to get more experience as a driver first. With both of his parents in the vehicle they knew he would be cautious and responsible.

Once they had gotten home and Ali and the younger kids settled onto the couch for a movie, Ash and Jake returned to their room-moving project.

As they carried Jake's mattress down the steps and dropped it a few times on the way, Ash thought about the evening's events and wanted to clear something up.

"Son, I wanted to ask you something." She said.

"What's up?" Jake asked as he guided the mattress onto his bed frame.

"Back at the restaurant, you said you would make that guy regret his ignorance. What were you gonna do if he didn't apologize?" She asked.

"I don't know. Usually guys like him are cowards. What kind of a man makes fun of a pregnant women?"

"So, you wouldn't have hit him, or anything?" Ashlyn asked. She wanted to make sure he knew better than to start a fight with an idiot. She had learned that lesson a time or two in her own life.

"Nah. I mean, not unless someone was in physical danger. That dude was harmless. I just wanted to stop him from being disrespectful." He answered.

"Hmm." Ash hummed. "You're pretty great. You know that?" Ash said.

"Nah. I'm not great. Whatever is good in me I learned it from you and Mom." Jake replied.

The kid had no idea he had just spoken words that would echo in Ashlyn's heart for the rest of her life.

"What's wrong?" Jake asked. He saw that his mother was hiding her face from him.

"Nothing. You're perfect. I couldn't have asked for a better son." She said. She wiped a stray tear that had escaped her eye.

Jake laughed and threw his arm around her shoulder and said, "You're starting to act like you're the pregnant one around here!"

"Shush!" Ashlyn said and lightly elbowed him in the stomach.

The two spent the rest of the night bonding over manual labor, sore muscles, and corny jokes.

Just as they were finishing up and ready to get some rest, they were interrupted by the 'baby bat signal' again.

"ASHLYN!!!"


	192. Labor (Part One)

"Ashlyn, I don't like the color." Ali critiqued her wife and son's paint job. 

"Alex, you're the one who picked it out. This is our third paint color this week. This is the color it's staying." Ashlyn said. 

Ali had changed her mind more than Ashlyn was willing to put up with.

"Ash, I don't like it. My babies are not going to be soothed by these walls." Ali replied. 

The truth was it didn't matter if Ash was willing to put up with another color change or not. Ali was going to get her way.

"Walls don't sooth babies. It doesn't matter what the color is." Ash replied in frustration. 

She left Ali and Jacob in the non-soothing walled room and went to get the primer paint. She resigned to having to start all over...again.

...

"Hi!" Sam said and sprinted right by his pregnant mother.

"Hey, get back here young man!" Ali said sternly.

Ali's Dad had taken Lexi and Sam out for lunch and then to see a movie for some quality Grandpa time. With Ash and Jake working hard on the nursery, and Ali being slow and almost immobile because of the twins, Ken wanted to help out with the younger kids. Sam was being especially mischievous lately.

Sam returned to his Mommy with his head down and stood in front of the couch where Ali was sitting.

"You know better than to run by me without giving me a kiss." Ali said. 

Sam let an "Oops" slip from his lips and puckered up to give his Mommy a kiss. 

"I love you." Ali whispered sweetly to the boy. 

Sam smiled widely and said, "Love you too, Mommy." And just like lightening he sprinted away.

"What's up with him?" Ali asked. 

It wasn't unusual for him to be excited to get home. It was usually caused by getting to spend time with his favorite dog. However, that was not the case this time. Ali could see Monster chasing a butterfly in the back yard.

"He's been talking about your wife and Jake painting the nursery all day. He wants to help them." Ken answered.

"Aw, that's sweet." Ali said. She turned her attention to her daughter and asked, "What about you, Sweetheart? Do you wanna help paint, too?" 

"No, I wanna play with you." Lexi answered honestly. 

She had gotten to spend a lot of one on one time with Ali recently, because of the doctor's strict orders for Ali to take it easy for the last month of her pregnancy. She was practically on bed rest. 

Her sons would sit with her for short periods of time, but they couldn't handle long amounts of time. Lexi, on the other hand, was thankful for the peace and quiet. It was a welcome change from Samuel's constant energy and loud volume level.

"What do you wanna play?" Ali asked.

Lexi brought over her favorite game and once she got Ali's approval she started to set it up on the kitchen table. 

Ken helped his daughter stand up from the couch and said, "I'm gonna check on Ash and the boys."

"Have fun!" Ali replied. She knew her Dad was just as excited to help as Samuel was.

...

"Mama! Mama!" Samuel screamed excitedly and ran right into Ashlyn.

"Hey, Bam." Ash said and steadied the cup of pain she had in one of her hands.

"Mama, can I help?" He asked.

Jacob was on a ladder and painting the top edge of the wall where it meets with the ceiling. Ash was carefully painting the bottom edge of the wall. 

"Sure, buddy. But first you have to put your paint clothes on. Can you handle that?"

"Yee-up!" Sam answered with great enthusiasm and ran to his room to find an outfit from the 'messy clothes' section in his closet. 

He had done this hundreds of times. He was a kid that liked to get as messy as possible, so Ali had a stash of clothes for him that she didn't mind if they got ruined. It keeps Sam having fun, and Ali from going insane at laundry time.

When Sam returned, his Grandpa had joined the painting fun. He had taken over Ashlyn's job so that Ash could help Samuel. Ash used the time as an opportunity to work on Samuel's spelling and writing. 

Jacob finished his task and left to get his camera. He knew a good photo opportunity when he saw one. Ashlyn was sitting cross legged on the floor with Samuel on her lap. The two had an identical concentration face. Sam had learned from Ashlyn that if you're focusing really hard it helps to stick your tongue out a little. 

...

"How's it going in there?" Ali asked Jacob, who was on his way back to the upstairs nursery that used to be his room.

"It's going good." Jake answered shortly. He was in a hurry to capture the moment he had left behind.

"Sweetheart, slow down. Come and give me a kiss." Ali said. She was even more sentimental about actions of affection than usual. 

Jake rushed to her side and gave her a kiss on the cheek. He tucked his camera underneath his arm and gave her a quick hug, too.

"I love you, Jacob." Ali's hormones were kicking in.

"Love you too, Mom." Jake answered. He could tell his mother wasn't gonna let him leave anytime soon.

"I want you to know that I think you're one of the sweetest, most handsome young men I've ever known." Ali gushed.

"Thanks, Mom." Jake said. He wanted to roll his eyes, but refrained. It really did mean a lot to him that Ali loved him so much, but he was in a hurry. 

It suddenly dawned on him that Ali would love to see what he was wanting to photograph. 

"Hey Mom, you should come take a look at what's going on upstairs." He said.

"You'll have to help me up." Ali replied.

"I don't mind." He said and offered her his hand.

"You're just the sweetest thing!" She said, as she let him help her up. He walked slowly behind her as they made their way up the stairs. 

"Oh my goodness." Ali said and covered her heart with her hand. Jacob snuck past her and knelt down a few feet away from his Mama and brother. He immediately started to snap picture after picture.

Ali's heart melted into a puddle on the floor. Sam had paint on his face and hands, but she didn't care. He had painted a picture of their family, including the new babies, and Ashlyn had used the current paint and previous color underneath to create a sort of landscape backdrop for his picture. 

"It's beautiful!" Ali exclaimed. Her loud outburst startled her artists and gotten both of their attention.

"You like it, Mommy?" Sam asked proudly.

"I love it. Ash, I want to keep it." Ali said.

"What do you mean?" Ashlyn asked. 

"At least the family picture." Ali said. Sam had also written his name about ten times and short spelling words he had learned.

"This is just our doodles. We're painting over this." Ash said.

"Ashlyn, please. Maybe our family of artists can each have their own wall to decorate." Ali suggested.

At first Ashlyn thought her wife sounded crazy, but it actually ended up being a great idea.

"Babe, you're due in less than a week. I don't know if we'll have time." Ash reasoned.

"We'll have time. They're gonna be in our room at first." Ali replied.

"Ok." Ash answered. She had a lot to think about. "If we do this, you can't change your mind."

Ali thoughtfully considered her wife's words. She had to determine if this was really something she wanted, or just another hormonal decision.

"Baby, can you make it all look ok?" Ali asked. Ashlyn was a very talented artist and could possibly be capable of bringing the artwork together.

"Probably." Ash answered. 

Her wife had put her through a lot lately. She wasn't about to make a promise about something that could be based on a pregnant mood swing.

"Ashlyn?"

"Yeah, probably." 

Ali could read her wife's mind. She knew what needed to be said to convince Ash to get on board with her idea.

"How about if I promise to keep it for at least a year? No matter what." Ali bargained.

"Hmm..." Ash hummed thoughtfully. "What do you think, Bam?" Ash asked the boy in her lap.

"About what?" Sam asked.

Apparently he wasn't paying attention to all of the details of their conversation.

"What do you think about us painting a picture for the babies?" Ash clarified.

"Hmm..." Sam hummed, imitating Ashlyn from a few moments earlier. "Ok!" He agreed happily. 

"My partner in crime says, yes." Ash said. 

She helped the messy boy up and stood up herself. She stretched her hand out towards her wife to shake.

Ali shook Ash's hand and then bent down slightly to shake Sam's hand. 

"It's a deal." Ash said.

"It's a deal, Mommy!" Sam copied with great intensity.

Ali couldn't help but laugh at her spirited son. She laughed so hard that she peed herself. Or at least she thought she peed herself. 

She actually laughed so hard that her water broke...


	193. Labor (Part Two)

"ASHLYNNNN!" Ali screamed. She held onto Ashlyn's hand and squeezed.

"Focus on your breathing." Ash encouraged. Her hand and head hurt. But she wasn't going to mention that at a time like this.

"Focus on your own breathing. Shut up!" Ali said and followed it with a slew of curse words.

Ashlyn was the object of Ali's anger, at the moment. Ash wasn't going to complain. She gave her wife a free pass for the day.

"Try to calm down, Babe." Ash said calmly. 

Once the contraction had ended, Ali was able to take a calming breath. "Ashlyn, why did you let me do this? I can't. It hurts so much!" 

"I'm sorry, Alex. You can do this. I know you can." 

Just as Ashlyn encouraged her wife not to give up, another contraction came. Ali screamed and gripped hard on the mattress of the bed. She leaned forward to try and find a more comfortable position and then slammed her head back down into her pillow. Unfortunately, she clipped Ashlyn's face on the way down.

Miraculously, Ashlyn was able to hold tight to her wife's hand and use her other hand to catch the blood flowing from her nose, without skipping a beat.

Once Ali's contraction was over, and she had calmed down, she noticed that her wife had let go of her hand.

"Ash, come back here." Ali whined.

Ashlyn had turned her back to Ali and tried to find something to stop the bleeding. She mumbled something about going to the bathroom and made a break for it before Ali could object.

When Ashlyn returned her nose was clean, but bright red. Ali had accidentally hit it pretty hard. Ash wisely chose not to say a word. Now was not the time to complain about her pain. It was nothing compared to what Ali was going through.

...

"Gramps!" Sam jumped up in Ali's Dad's lap until he was face to face with his grandfather. Samuel played with his Grandpa's ears and asked, "When are the babies coming? I'm tired of waiting."

Grandpa Krieger had all the kids, including Rachel, waiting patiently (or impatiently) in the waiting room at the hospital. Ali had been in labor for ten hours and the family had left to wait at home, and then came back when Ash called them with the news that the doctor said she was close.

"I don't know, bud. Your Mama said it would be soon." Ken said.

"Babies take a long time to come out!" Lexi said with an eye roll added out of frustration. 

Her littlest siblings were already getting on her nerves, and they hadn't even been born yet.

"Yeah!" Sam agreed. "They need to get here NOW!" Sam demanded and let out an intimidating roar.

At least he thought it was intimidating. His family, minus Lexi, thought it was funny and adorable. Lexi just thought it was annoying.

Across from Grandpa Krieger and his smaller grandkids in the small waiting room, sat Jake and his girlfriend. Rachel had her head resting on Jacob's shoulder and held his hand in her lap. Both of them had dozed off and were awakened by Sam's animalistic outburst. 

Rachel quietly yawned and dug her face into Jake's bicep, trying to find a comfortable spot to fall back to sleep. After a few minutes of adjusting her body and trying to settle in, she decided it was a lost cause. 

Rachel sat up straight so that she was closer to Jacob's height and kissed his cheek. "I'm gonna try to find a vending machine." She said.

Jacob still had a hold of her hand. When she tried to stand up he pulled her down into his lap. "You weren't gonna invite me?" He asked teasingly.

"You're always invited." She said and gave him a light peck on the lips. She held back, knowing that her boyfriend's grandfather and siblings were watching them.

The two of them tried to get away to find a little privacy, but Lexi had other plans. 

Lex loved Rachel. 

Rachel loved Lexi. 

Rachel and Lex both longed to have a sister. They found that dynamic in each other. 

"Can I come, too?" Lex asked.

Jake loved his siblings but he was hoping to have some time alone with his girlfriend.

"Sure!" Rachel answered and dropped Jake's hand to give it to Lexi. 

Jacob walked a few feet behind his sister and girlfriend as they held hands and talked about girly stuff. He might as well have stayed with Sam and listened to him roar and complain about waiting.

...

"Ice chips for you." Ali's Mom said and handed a cup to Ali. "And an ice pack for you." She said and wrapped up the bag of ice in a towel for Ashlyn's injured face.

"Ash, I'm so sorry." Ali apologized.

Deb had arrived right after one of Ali's contractions and was shocked by the bright red nose and black eye that was developing on her daughter-in-law's face. Ash didn't have a chance to tell her not to mention anything to Ali about her injury. Before she could say a word, Ali's Mom went into 'super-mom' mode and became both of their personal nurse.

"Don't worry about it." Ash replied to her wife's apology. 

She had a small suspicion that Ali may have broken her nose, but that was a small price for her to pay to have the most beautiful woman in the world give birth to her children.

"Ash, maybe God is punishing me." Ali said and started to cry.

"What are you talking about?" Ash asked. She had no idea where Ali's comment had come from.

"I've been horrible to you. I deserve this pain as punishment."

"You have not been horrible to me. You're giving birth. It's normal for it to hurt." Ash said, trying to comfort her.

Deb interrupted and said, "Plus you chose to do this without drugs. Natural birth hurts, honey."

"I was wrong!" Ali cried, filled with regret. "Ash, I was wrong!" 

Ashlyn didn't have a chance to answer. Ali cried out in terrible pain and after Ash checked her watch she knew it was time to get the doctor. 

The doctor checked to see if she was ready, and informed the women that it was time. 

Ali had told her mother ahead of time that she only wanted Ashlyn in the room with her. Deb respected her daughter's wishes and left for the waiting room as soon as the doctor had arrived.

...

Once the doctor had arrived, it took three good pushes for the first baby. After two minutes more of pushing the second baby was born. 

Isabella Michelle and James Powell were their parents pride and joy. 

The couple spent almost an entire hour marveling at the tiny miracles they held in their arms, before bringing the rest of the family in to meet the newest members of the Krieger-Harris clan.

...

"We're gonna call him, Jamie. At least while he's little." Ali explained to her Mom. 

"Kyle's gonna love that you named him after him." Deb replied.

"Samuel's middle name is Ashlyn's brother's first name, so we figured making Jamie's first name Kyle's middle name was only fair." Ali said with a smile.

"That's sweet." Deb answered and stared at the baby girl in Ashlyn's arms.

Ashlyn was telling the story of her injured face to the rest of the group, while holding her new daughter. 

Ali nodded towards the new baby and said, "Bella has Ashlyn's middle name. I wanted to give her Ash's first name, but Ash didn't like that. She said it would get too confusing when she got older." Ali said.

"I love both of my new grand babies' names." Deb announced. It was a great day for the Krieger-Harris family.

Ali's parents took everyone home for the night and left Ash and Ali with the twins. Once the babies had been fed, changed, and gone to sleep, Ash was able to have a few moments of peace with her wife.

"Alex, I'm so proud of you." She said. She climbed into the hospital bed next to her exhausted wife and held her close. "Thank you for not giving up." 

"What do you mean?" Ali asked.

"I didn't know how to encourage you through all of our failed attempts at getting pregnant. I didn't want to push you. I didn't want you to get hurt." Ash placed a kiss on her wife's head and continued. "I was so scared."

Ali stroked Ashlyn's cheek and offered her a tired smile. "Baby, you were perfect. I couldn't have done any of this without you." 

"We have twins!" Ash said, just as shocked now as she was when they first found out Ali was pregnant with them.

"Yes, we do." 

"How did this happen?" Ash asked rhetorically. 

Ali's confusion was evident by her facial expression. 

"I mean..." Ash turned her head towards their sleeping infants and then finished her thought. "How did my life get so good?" 

The sincerity and awe in Ashlyn's voice surprised Ali. "You still don't know how amazing you are, do you?" Ali asked. "After all this time."

It was now Ashlyn's turn to be confused.

"Ash, all that we have is because of you. You didn't give up on me even when I was certain I would settle down with Brent and have his children." Ali leaned in to catch Ashlyn's lips with her own. She pulled away and said, "I would've taken the safe route. You're the one that keeps me believing that anything is possible. You're the one who makes me brave."

"Anything is possible..." Ash whispered.

"...as long as we're together." Ali finished her wife's sentence for her.

The two of them pressed their foreheads together before closing their eyes to get some sleep.

As the worn out women were ready to slip into dreamland, they heard the sound of a newborn cry. Ash rolled over and saw that it was their youngest child. 

"Jamie's up." Ash said and left the bed to be by his side. The moment she lifted him and moved him away from his sister, little Bella started to cry, too. She could feel her brother's absence.

"Aw that's sweet." Ali cooed.

"Sweet? Don't you mean trouble?" Ash replied. "These two are going to be a handful. I can see it now. Our sweet and angelic babies will plot against us as soon as they are old enough to talk to each other to devise a plan."

"Baby, they can probably already communicate. Who knows maybe they've been talking since they were in my womb." Ali said.

"Can you imagine that?" Ash thought out loud.

They both took a moment to consider the beautiful bond their twin babies had. They thought about the regular dose of mischief their family already has on a daily basis. At the exact same time they looked down at their precious new children and said...

"We're in trouble!"


	194. Jealous

Jake helped Rachel over the barrier between the stands and the field. The Washington Spirit had just lost against the Portland Thorns. They put up a good fight, but they were missing their star keeper and defender. 

The teenagers made their way towards the visitor's bench and greeted Alex, the Thorns' superstar forward.

"Jake!" Alex cheered and gave the young man a hug. 

"Hey, Alex." Jacob stuttered his greeting and felt heat rise to his cheeks. 

He always had a little crush on his parent's close friend. Jake felt an elbow hit his ribs and remembered he was there with his long-time girlfriend. 

"Oh, sorry." Jake apologized. "This is Rachel, my girlfriend." He said, introducing his feisty first love.

"Hi, Rachel. We've met before." Alex said and gave the girl a hug.

"I know. We've met several times, actually." Rachel answered and gave her boyfriend an annoyed look.

Tobin arrived just in time to rescue Jacob. "Hey, guys! The rest of the fam couldn't make it?" She asked.

"Oh, I'm sure Babe." Alex said sarcastically. "They have two newborns and their first priority is watching our game." 

Tobin had to laugh at herself. She never thought of the possibility that two babies could slow her friends down. It dawned on her that she may not be ready to be a parent yet.

"We'll wait for you guys to change and then take you to the house." Jake said. His parents gave him the task of chauffeuring their closest friends from the game to their house. 

While Alex and Tobin left to get cleaned up, Jake and Rachel played with one of the soccer balls on the field. Jake would juggle a little and then pass it to his girlfriend. Rachel didn't try to be tricky, she would just pass the ball right back to him. 

"You don't want to get too sweaty for your girlfriend." Rachel said with enough attitude to let Jake know she wasn't happy.

Jake was a little surprised by the statement. She had seen him sweaty many times before.

Rachel shook her head at the boy and mumbled, "You're so clueless."

"What is your problem?" Jake said and flipped the ball up off the tip of his toes and caught it as it floated up towards his hands. He walked closer to his girlfriend to see if he could figure out what was wrong.

"Nothing." Rachel said and turned her head away from him.

The truth suddenly dawned on him. "You're jealous!" He laughed at his flustered girlfriend. "Rach, Alex is married and old...and gay." He started to laugh again.

"Don't laugh at me!" Rachel complained and started to walk away. 

"Rachel, wait up." Jake jogged to catch up with her and wrapped her up in a hug from behind. "I'm sorry. Whatever I did...I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault." Rachel admitted. "I don't like thinking about you and other girls."

"Alex is like family. She's hot, but she's like a hot aunt." He said. 

This would've been the perfect time for him to tell her how much he loved her and that he wouldn't ever want anyone else, which was all true...but he was a sixteen year old guy and these moments almost always seemed to soar right over his head.

Rachel sighed loudly and turned in her boyfriend's arms. She was a smart girl, and knew he was well-intentioned. She gave him a quick kiss before retrieving the ball they had long forgotten about and kicked it to Jacob's feet. 

She kept a distance while she simmered down. She was used to the difference between guys and girls. She learned all about some male's inability to see things as clearly as she thought she saw them. 

Her father raised her and did a great job at it, in her opinion. She was never short on affirmation or affection. But he also was clueless, like her boyfriend, about the most basic things. She also knew that even with all of her intelligence, she sometimes still couldn't help but respond emotionally instead of logically. In this case, her emotions didn't have a rational reason. She was simply jealous. 

When Jake hugged her and apologized she knew right away that she was expecting him to understand how she was feeling. And if she was honest, she would have to admit that she didn't even understand it herself.

Jacob had become used to his girlfriend acting like a normal hormonal teenager and then after her genius brain had time to sort through things, she would calm down and apologize if necessary. He thought it was cute. She was complicated and amazing to him.

After Alex and Tobin had returned from the locker room, Jake and Rachel led them to the car.

"We've got my Mom's BMW today." Jake said proudly. It was a rare occasion that Ali let the boy drive it. Picking up Alex and Tobin was a special occasion, of sorts.

"Fancy." Alex replied. She could tell it meant a lot to Jacob, so she played along. Tobin and Alex could buy ten BMWs, if they wanted. 

"By the way, I should warn you. My Mama's got a black eye. Don't mention it. Mom gave it to her when she had the babies. She feels really bad about it." Jacob explained.

Tobin started laughing and imagined herself being in Ashlyn's place at the bedside of her wife in labor. She knew it was very possible for her to be wounded in the process, too.

"Poor thing." Alex replied. She knew what her wife was thinking and pinched her arm. This just prompted more laughter from Tobin.

On the way to the Krieger-Harris home, Tobin suggested that they stop and pick up dinner for the family. Jake thought that was a great idea. His parents hadn't been very attentive to his hunger lately. Meals seemed to be an afterthought.

...

"I'll tell ya, I'm scarred for life. The stuff that you see..." Ash shuddered at the memory. "It's like you never see things the same way, anymore." 

Ashlyn was describing some of the elements of birth that they don't tell you about on TV or in the movies. Ali rolled her eyes at her wife's dramatic story telling. She would think that the story of the miracle of birth would include more details of awe and appreciation. Apparently, those details aren't as much fun for her wife to re-enact.

"Ash, why don't you tell Tobin about Jamie." Ali interrupted. She was ready to talk about something else.

"Oh, yeah." Ash got excited, as she remembered a very important detail about their new son. 

Before Ash got a chance to explain their son's name, she was interrupted by her father-in-law, along with Lexi and Sam. Ken had taken them out for the afternoon to give Ali and Ashlyn a hand with taking care of them, while they focused on the babies. 

As soon as Samuel saw Tobin he yelled, "Toby!" and ran to her. 

She was holding Jamie and the loud outburst caused the newborn to cry, which in turn caused his twin sister to cry, too.

"Hey, Bam." Tobin greeted the excited boy, while trying to comfort the baby in her arms. "We need to be quiet, buddy."

"Let's play outside." Sam said and grabbed Tobin's hand that was gently patting Jamie's back. 

"Sorry, Sam. I can't play right now. Your Mama was about to tell me something about your new brother." Tobin explained.

Sam's lower lip quivered and he used as much bravery as he could muster to keep himself from crying. He put his head down and left to go outside all by himself. Monster, his faithful friend, followed him out and sat with him in the backyard as he let his broken heart take control of his tears. 

Alex noticed right away that the little boy was taking her wife's reaction badly. After a few minutes, she returned Bella to Ali's arms and retraced Sam's steps.

"Tobin has been talking about you all day." Alex said, letting the boy know he was no longer alone.

"She likes Jamie better than me." Sam said and stuck his lip out. He crossed his arms right over his chest and added, "Mama does, too. She doesn't love me anymore."

"Hey." Alex put an arm around the little boy and let him cry his tears into her chest. He crawled right into her lap and let all of his sadness be held in her arms. Sam was usually stand off-ish towards Alex. But her kindness had changed things.

"Everything ok, out here?" Ash said from her spot at the door. She watched Alex leave and saw how upset her son was. She had no idea he was feeling bad. She hated seeing him sad.

Alex motioned for her to join them and said, "I'm gonna go check on Tobin." She gave Sam a kiss on the cheek and Ashlyn a pat on the back. She knew Ashlyn was the only one who could fix this.

"What's going on, Bam?" Ash asked after Alex was back inside and the door was closed.

Sam didn't say a word. He was angry and hurt. He had rarely felt that way because of his Mama.

"Sam?" Ash tried to get his attention. This was the moment she realized his suffering was because of her.

Samuel ran to the slide that was attached to the tree house. Ashlyn had told him when she built it that it was his private spot, just for him. He laid down in a ball at the bottom of the tube slide, covered his ears, and closed his eyes. He wanted to disappear.

Ashlyn crouched down and watched her sweet little boy shake with sobs of sorrow.

Ashlyn scooped him out and held him close to her chest. His tears soaked the fabric of her shirt that covered her shoulder.

"Bam, I'm sorry. I love you so much. I'm sorry if I hurt you. You're still my best bud." She said and gently rocked the boy like she used to when he was a baby.

"Mama, you hurt my heart." He said, breaking his silence.

"I'm sorry. Please forgive me." Ash begged. She would do anything for the boy that had stolen her heart since the moment they had met.

"I'm too sad." The little guy mumbled into her shirt. It was a big blow to him to find out that he wasn't going to be the biggest attention getter anymore.

"How about if we plan a day of fun tomorrow? Just me and you." Ash asked.

"Can Toby come?" Sam asked. He was starting to feel better. Just the thought of him getting to spend time with Ashlyn made him feel better about his place in the family and in her heart.

"We can ask her. I know she would like to, if she's free." Ash answered.

Sam smiled and looked into his Mama's eyes for the first time since she had arrived. He twirled his finger in a strand of her hair and said, "Ok, Mama." 

Ash knew that he had moved on from the traumatic event. She hoped she could, too. 

"I love you, Bam. The next time something like this happens, I want you to tell me you're feeling bad. I promise to do whatever I can to make you feel better." She said and lifted the boy up as she stood. She carried him back into the house and he stayed in her arms while the rest of the family visited with Tobin and Alex. 

It turned out that Tobin was available to spend an entire day with Sam, and she was emphatic when she told him that she wanted to.

...

That night, after all the kids were tucked in, Ali had excused herself to feed the twins, and Ashlyn was entertaining their guests in the living room.

"So, I never got to tell you about Jamie." Ash said. She smiled and then got really serious. "We named him after Kyle's middle name. But we also gave him your middle name." She nodded to Tobin, to make it clear what she was saying. 

"Jamie Powell?" Alex asked.

"James Powell." Ashlyn corrected. "We wanted family names." Ash started to get noticeably emotional. 

"Thank you." Tobin said quietly.

"You've always been there for me, Tob. You mean a lot to my family. Besides my wife, you're the best friend I've ever had." 

Ash wiped at her eyes before any tears had a chance to fall and then added with a laugh, "We thought about naming Izzy after you, but we already have one daughter named Alexandra." Ash said to Alex.

"Izzy?" Tobin asked.

"Oh, yeah. That's kinda my own little nickname for her. Everyone else can call her Bella, and I will too. But she's my special little Izzy."

"You're so sweet." Alex said.

"Man, those kids have got you whipped, Harris." Tobin teased. The sentimental moment was over and it was time for Tobin and Ashlyn to go back to normal.

"Shut up, Heath. You will be, too. You'll see." Ash replied.

Alex just shook her head and said cockily, "She already is." 

No one could argue with that.


	195. Happy Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a FLASHBACK chapter.

FLASHBACK

"We shouldn't have come this way." Ashlyn said to Ali and stopped abruptly on the sidewalk.

The engaged couple made a quick trip to Ashlyn's Grandma's for Thanksgiving. They had planned to have a second family celebration at Ali's Mom's house later that week. After filling up on turkey and a lot of carbs, Ali suggested that they go for a walk to burn off some of the extra calories.

Ashlyn had gotten distracted with a dramatic telling of a funny childhood mishap involving her brother and a three legged dog. She was almost at the plot twist when she noticed the house her and Ali were standing in front of. That was the moment she regretted leaving the safety of her grandparent's home.

"What's wrong? Are you lost?" Ali asked with a slight chuckle. She was about to give her fiancé a hard time when she noticed Ashlyn's face.

Ash was frozen. The look in her eyes couldn't be mistaken. 

Ali saw fear.

"Baby, are you ok?" Ali said and shook Ashlyn's arm a little to get her attention.

Ash didn't answer. Whatever it was that had caused her to react so unexpectedly still had control of her thoughts. 

"Baby? Ashlyn!" Ali said a little more forcefully.

"What?" Ash said, coming out of her daze. She took a breath and turned away from the house she had been staring at.

"What's wrong?" 

"I...uh...I used to live here." Ashlyn admitted.

Ali surveyed the house that was in front of them and didn't notice anything too abnormal about it.

"This was my third foster home. Chris and I had been separated for a couple months before I moved here. I used to hide in the basement from one of the real kids." Ash explained.

"Real kids?" Ali asked. She hadn't heard Ashlyn use that term before.

"The real kids are the biological children of the foster parents. They are usually treated like actual human beings." Ash bitterly answered.

Ali rubbed Ashlyn's arm to try and comfort her from her painful memories of the house. 

"Why did you hide?" Ali asked. She wasn't sure if she wanted to know the answer.

"The oldest son liked to flirt with me. Sometimes he got a little too aggressive." Ash's attention drifted off to the past and left Ali standing in the middle of the sidewalk waiting for her fiancé to come back to her. 

After a pause in conversation that would've been awkward and uncomfortable if it had happened with anyone else, Ashlyn described another memory she had involving the boy from her past.

"I remember getting to visit Chris and telling him about what was going on. He snuck out of his foster home and settled things. We both ended up getting kicked out of our foster homes, but we didn't care." 

Ali lifted one of Ashlyn's arms and put it over her shoulders. She put both her arms around Ash's waist and pulled her into a tight hug. 

"Chris has always been protective of you." Ali said and tucked her head into the crook Ashlyn's neck.

"Yeah." Ash said and let out a laugh, "He doesn't want anyone picking on me unless it's him." 

"It's a sibling thing." Ali replied.

"Yeah, it really is. You know all we had for so long was just each other. I know he can be an ass at times, but he's the best brother I could ever ask for." 

"I'm glad you had him." Ali said. She knew Ashlyn's chance of making it through the struggles she endured would have been slim to none without her brother. Even when they were apart, their bond gave each other strength.

"Yeah, me too." Ash replied. She was ready to change the subject and leave the place that brought up a sudden twinge of sadness.

The couple turned around and returned to Ashlyn's Grandma's house without making any more unplanned stops. 

...

"Baby, do you want Chris to walk you down the aisle?" Ali asked. 

She was constantly thinking about their upcoming wedding. After going down memory lane with Ashlyn the day before, she felt that she wanted her future brother-in-law to be honored in some way. 

"Nah." Ash answered. She was not as wrapped up in the planning as Ali was.

"Don't you think it would be nice?" Ali asked.

"He's gonna be my best man. We'll be at the front waiting for you." Ashlyn replied. 

"You don't wanna walk down the aisle?"

"Not really. You're gonna be the star of the day." Ash said.

This didn't make sense to Ali. It was both of their day. 

"What do you mean? It's our day. We're both the stars." 

"It's not the same. You'll have a whole church full of people there to see you. I'll have a handful. But it doesn't matter. I'll be like everyone else there...mesmerized by my beautiful bride." Ash explained with a proud smile.

Ashlyn really didn't care that the majority of people at their wedding would be there for Ali. She just felt lucky to be the one that got to marry her.

"I don't like that." Ali said, a little flustered. She didn't know how to explain why she didn't like her wife's sweet comment.

"You don't like what?"

Ali pursed her lips and tried to formulate the right words to explain her feelings. She didn't want to discourage her fiancé or make Ashlyn feel bad about their wedding. 

Ashlyn noticed Ali's hesitation. "Just say whatever you're thinking." Ash said. 

"I don't want to say it wrong." Ali replied.

"Just be honest. You don't have to be Shakespeare, or anything." 

"What?" Ali laughed. Ash had successfully lightened the mood. "You're so weird." 

"Come on. Spill." Ash encouraged.

Ali cleared her throat and searched her heart for the right words. 

"I've just been thinking about you and your family." Ali started.

"You mean lack thereof." Ash joked.

Ali got serious. She didn't feel like laughing. "Yeah." She reached for Ashlyn's hand and continued. "I wish the word 'family' meant to you what it means to me." 

At first Ashlyn flinched back. She didn't know how to take her fiancé's words. Was Ali insinuating that Ash didn't think family was important? Did she think Ash wasn't taking their marriage and future seriously?

Ali noticed her fiancé's reaction and tried to clarify what she meant. "I wish that you had happy family memories. I wish that a big event like a wedding made you excited to get to celebrate with people who have been a constant source of love and support." 

"Oh." Ash replied. She didn't have a funny joke this time.

"Ashlyn." Ali reached up for Ashlyn's neck and pulled her down a few inches so their foreheads could touch. "My wish for you is that we will have the family you deserve." She placed a kiss on her fiancé's lips and pulled her in for a hug.

"Alex, you need to know something." Ashlyn said. She pulled back just enough to look into Ali's kind eyes. 

"I am so happy. YOU make me so happy. Our pasts may be very different, but they brought us together. I might still have moments where my past haunts me. But I don't live in that house anymore. You're my home now. Whatever is ahead of us will make everything before worth it. I'm not alone anymore. I'm not afraid and hiding from what's ahead. I've been waiting to marry you and have a happy family for my entire life. It doesn't matter to me who is, or isn't, at our wedding. When I'm standing in the front of that church sanctuary...when I'm watching you walk towards me...I will be waiting for my happily ever after to finally get here."

Ali's eyes were filled with tears. She never realized she could love someone as much as she loved Ashlyn. 

Ali took a shaky breath and said, "I promise you, that I will do everything in my power to make your life as happy as possible. That's what you deserve, Baby. You deserve nothing but happiness."

Ash smiled and replied tenderly, "Al, you've already done that."

...

The next morning, the couple woke up early to go for a jog. They were leaving for Ali's Mom's house that afternoon and wanted to get a quick workout in before pigging out on their second Thanksgiving meal of the week. Ashlyn purposely took the route they had walked a couple days before. This time when she stopped in front of the house, Ali knew exactly where they were. 

"You ok?" Ali asked.

"Yeah. I was just wondering if they have any more kids in there." Ash replied. "If they do, I wish I could help them."

"Can you imagine?" Ali smiled sadly. "I doubt anyone would entrust a child to a gay couple. They would rather put a child in need of love with an abusive family instead."

"You never know." Ash said hopefully. With her past experiences she couldn't think of a more important thing in this world than to give an unwanted child a chance at a loving home.

"Maybe things will change." Ali said. She could believe anything was possible with Ashlyn by her side.

"Maybe. Maybe not. I don't know how good of a mother I would be, but I can guarantee I'd be better than them." Ash nodded towards the house. She wiped her face of the sweat that had formed from their jog and motioned that she was ready to move on. 

She was ready to leave that house and all the ghosts it held behind. Every inch between them and that place brought them closer to both of their happily ever afters.

One day they would know the joy of a house filled with family and love.


	196. Overflow

Ali woke up to the sound of Isabella crying. She wasn't crying loudly. Ali thought she might have slept through a lot of it. She tried comforting her sweet baby girl but the little one couldn't be soothed.

After changing her and feeding her, she went searching for her wife and little Jamie. Lately, if one of the babies started to cry while the other was asleep, Ashlyn or Ali would try to take care of them in another room to keep from waking the other baby.

Ali found not only Ashlyn and Jamie, but also Samuel asleep in one of the rocking chairs in the unfinished nursery. Sam had heard his baby brother's crying and asked if he could help Ashlyn make him feel better. 

Ashlyn was passed out with Sam cuddled up in her lap and Monster asleep on the floor next to them. Sam had his head on Ash's left shoulder and a hand on top of Ashlyn's hand that was holding Jamie against her chest. He wanted to make sure his little brother was extra safe while they slept. 

Ali wanted to take in the sweet moment for as long as she could. Unfortunately, Bella was getting fussy. Having her twin brother nearby woke up her 'twin senses.' She wouldn't be happy unless she could get closer to him. 

Ali let her get a closer look of her brothers and Mama and ended up giving Ash a kiss to wake her up. The married couple had been in a constant state of half asleep and half awake ever since the birth of the twins. Ashlyn who used to be hard to wake up, was up in an instant. 

"Hey, Baby. I think we can put the twins in their cribs and try to get a little bit of sleep." Ali whispered. 

Just as Ash was about to wake up Sam, Lexi announced her presence. "Mommy, I can help." 

Lexi had become a big help since the twins arrived. Ash and Ali were worried that she would be jealous and resent the new babies. It ended up being the opposite. She became a mini version of Ali and wanted to mother them and take care of them. They became her own personal real life baby dolls. 

"Sweetheart, how would you feel about watching them while Mama and I rest?" Ali asked.

"I can do that!" Lexi said confidently. 

Since the twins hated being apart, Ali and Ash would sometimes put them in the same crib to sleep and play together. During these times they had to be watched for their safety. The babies always wanted to be together.

A normal baby likes to be swaddled with their arms against their body. It makes them feel safe and secure. The twins hate being swaddled. They hate being confined and unable to touch each other. It's an adorable problem to have. The twins are constantly reaching out for each other or holding a piece of the other's clothing.

Since Lexi was so excited about watching the twins Ali let her help out in as many ways as possible. Sometimes it made her job harder, but it meant quality time with Lex during a time when the babies required a lot of attention.

Samuel still got jealous of his younger siblings, but Ashlyn and Ali made a point to watch for this and give him special attention. There was rarely a moment that Ashlyn had alone. If she wasn't holding one of the babies, she was holding Samuel. Sometimes she held multiple children.

Ali put Bella in her crib and left Lexi to stay with her while she retrieved Jamie. Once Ash only had one child to carry she walked with them to her and Ali's room. Ash, Sam, and Ali ended up being able to get a two hour nap, due to Lexi's superior care as a big sister.

...

"Mama." Jacob said.

Ashlyn was in the kitchen looking in the refrigerator for something of great importance.

"Yeah?" Ash replied. She didn't turn toward her son. She was too busy scanning the shelves. 

"Mama." Jake repeated. His tone made it obvious that he wanted Ashlyn's full attention. 

Ashlyn was a walking zombie at this point. She couldn't decipher tone or much else, for that matter. Jacob pulled her away from the task she was struggling with and spun her around so that they were face to face.

"What the?" Ash was caught off guard by the motion. She lost her balance and ended up in her son's arms.

"Ha, ha." Ash said almost without emotion. "Nice catch." She joked tiredly. She was at the point where her words and actions felt like slow motion. She was exhausted.

"I was wondering if since you're retired now, and the babies are born and Mom is safe and all that....If maybe you would be my personal trainer?" Jake asked. He had been thinking about this for a long time. 

Ashlyn was confused by the question. She was confused by a lot of things these days, including the item her wife had sent her to get. She couldn't for the life of her remember what she was doing in the kitchen.

"Mama!" Jake said and shook her by the shoulders. "Are you ok?"

"Can I give you some advice?" Ash asked. She was unaware of her son's question.

"Sure." Jake smiled. His mother was deliriously tired.

"If your wife ever is pregnant with twins, make sure you sleep a lot before she gives birth."

"Ok." Jake replied. He decided to have the serious talk he had planned with his mother at a later time.

"I'm telling ya, son. Get yourself a nice comfortable bed. A warm, soft blanket...." Ash seemed to be dreaming with her eyes open. She sighed and stared off into the distance thinking about a comfortable place to sleep.

"Ok, Mama. Whatever you say." Jake said and kissed Ashlyn's cheek. 

Ash went back to the refrigerator and stood with the door open, hoping that she would remember what she was supposed to bring up to Ali.

Jacob rescued Ash and asked Ali what she needed. He laughed when she told him that she had asked Ash to get the twin's diaper bag out of the car.

Ashlyn was way off.

...

Jacob waited a couple of days before trying to bring up the subject again with Ashlyn. She agreed to do it if his doctor signed off on it. She didn't want to do anything that could be dangerous or cause him future problems. 

The doctor gave them the go ahead with few limitations due to his age. Jacob's dream of being a professional athlete like his parents was closer to becoming a reality.

...

"Mommy." Sam whined. "Iz is being mean to me." Sam complained. He had shortened Ashlyn's nickname for his new baby sister and made it his own.

"Why do you think she's being mean to you, Bam?" Ali asked. Sam seemed extra sensitive to any action his younger siblings did towards him.

"She hit me like this." Sam said and slapped at Ali's arm softly to show her how her daughter had hurt him.

"Sweetheart, babies don't know what hitting is. She was probably just trying to touch you because she likes you so much." Ali explained.

"She likes me?" Sam asked. He was surprised by the possibility.

"Of course, you're her big brother." She said. She watched Sam smile proudly at the thought of being like his big brother, Jake. If the twins look up to him half as much as he looked up to his big brother, then he has a lot to be proud of.

"Mommy..." Sam said and ran away from his mother who was sitting on the couch holding Bella. Samuel ran back in with a pacifier and a blanket and said, "Mommy, Iz needs these." Sam held the items out to Ali.

Ali had a bottle in her daughter's mouth and Isabella seemed warm and comfortable. "That is very nice of you, Sammy." Ali said and then added, "She can use those things after she's done eating. You're a great big brother!" Ali encouraged.

Samuel was super proud of his new duties of taking care of his baby brother and sister. He was determined to be the best big brother he could be. Ashlyn and Ali noticed Sam watching the way that Jacob helped out around the house and he tried to go alongside with him and help out however he could. He was learning from the best.

...

Jacob and Rachel walked Monster with Samuel later that day. As they walked and watched Sam have deep conversations with his dog, they decided to have a few of their own. 

"I'm thinking about setting my dad up with someone." Rachel confessed. 

She had been thinking about it for awhile. She felt bad about leaving him alone when her and Jake would go out on dates.

"Your dad doesn't strike me as the dating type. He's all about you and your mom." Jake answered.

Jake's brain filter was turned off. He was focused on watching Sam and Monster search for a cat that was hiding in a neighbor's bushes. His concentration shifted back to his girlfriend at the sound of her voice.

"My Mom's dead!" Rachel said with an equal dose of anger and sadness.

"Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to say that." Jake apologized. "I just meant that he really loves your Mom. He doesn't seem to want anyone else." Jake further explained.

"My Dad only ever thinks about me and the past. It's not good for him. I want him to be happy." Rachel said sadly. She was starting to feel bad that her father had given up his own chance at happiness and centered his entire life around her.

"I'm sorry, Rach." Jake didn't really know what to say. He knew that for her to bring it up meant that she had been thinking about it for a while. "What do you plan on doing?" He asked.

"I don't know." She whispered sadly.

"Sorry babe, all the ladies I know his age are gay." Jake joked. This got a smile from his girlfriend, which was his intention.

"I'll think of something." She said and stood on the tips of her toes to kiss Jacob's jaw. 

She was so thankful for her goofy boyfriend. Jake kept her from being too analytical about everything. She was prone to overthink things and worry about everything she could imagine, whether real or not.

...

Upon returning from their dog walk, Monster slurped his water and sniffed the babies to make sure they were ok. Once he was satisfied that everyone was safe he laid down on the floor next to Lexi, who was helping Ali fold baby clothes.

The Krieger-Harris family (plus Rachel) spent the rest of the evening together enjoying one another's company. It was a rare occasion that the entire family sat still long enough to be in the same room at the same time. The addition of the fourth and fifth child really shook things up, but they weren't complaining. 

It was truly a beautiful moment. A moment that Ali and Ash would've been grateful for, if it wasn't for the fact that they were too tired to notice.

Whether they were awake enough to realize it or not, their life together had become everything they had ever wanted. Their cup of blessings was overflowing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're in the home stretch, people. Each chapter is getting harder to write. It's kinda sad. :(


	197. Home Sweet Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a FLASHBACK chapter.

FLASHBACK

"Babe, will you rub my neck please?" Ash asked. She sat right on top of her wife's lap, without warning.

"Baby, I'm trying to pack." Ali answered and pushed her wife off of her.

"Alex, I'm serious. My neck is killing me!" 

"Go get a heating pad. We have to have everything packed and ready for the moving people." Ali said. 

The couple was about to take a big step in their future together by moving out of their two bedroom apartment and into a house more suitable for raising children.

"Go get a heating pad, Ashlyn." Ash mocked her wife as she left the room to get it. "Your wife is too busy to care about your pain. She must love packing more than she loves you."

"Oh my goodness!" Ali replied. "Stop being a child and get back here."

"Nooooo!" Ash said sarcastically. "We have to pack. I'm on my own now."

As Ash walked further away, Ali heard her mumble, "All alone, just me and the heating pad. Marriage is overrated."

That did it.

Ali leaped up from her spot and sprinted towards her wife. She tackled her to the floor and sat on her stomach to keep her down. 

"What was that? Marriage is overrated. Don't you mean marriage is the best thing that's ever happened to you?" Ali asked.

"At the moment, marriage is sitting on my bladder and I'm about to pee all over marriage." Ash answered cheekily.

"You're the worst." Ali said with a smile. She leaned down and gave her wife a kiss before leaning back, pressing her butt further into Ashlyn's stomach, before standing up.

Ali offered her wife a hand and helped her to her feet. Ash quickly made her way to the bathroom. She wasn't kidding about the pressure on her bladder.

When Ash had returned from the bathroom, Ali called her over to the couch. She had her sit down and turn her back to her.

"Take off your shirt." Ali demanded.

"Wow, maybe this marriage thing isn't so bad after all." Ash said with a smirk.

Ash took her shirt off and turned toward Ali only to be met with a smack.

"Turn around." Ali scolded.

"What is your prob..." Ash's protest was cut off by the icy cold feeling of muscle pain relief cream being rubbed onto her neck, shoulder, and upper back. Ali massaged the medication until Ashlyn felt it turn hot and felt her muscles relaxed.

Ali kissed her wife's cheek from behind and said, "Don't say I never did nothing for ya!" 

Ash laughed at her wife's choice in words and turned toward her again. She tried to put the moves on her wife once more while she was still shirtless.

Ali didn't go for it.

"Put your shirt back on and get to work."

...

Ali and Ash laid on the floor in a make-shift bed made out of several layers of blankets and pillows stacked on the floor of their empty room. They were spending their last night in their apartment.

"I'm gonna miss this place." Ali said.

"Yep, me too. Watch it not even matter." Ash said as she held her wife in her arms.

"What do you mean?" Ali asked.

"Do you really think they're gonna give us kids? This world is a cruel place and we don't fit in." Ash said. She wasn't as convinced as Ali was that moving would make a difference in their fostering and adoption chances.

"Ash, we've done all the paperwork, gotten background checks, and the housing situation is the only thing that has held us up." 

"That's what they told us, but maybe it's more. I hate feeling like people are judging us." Ash replied.

"Baby, that's not the case. I know that we've dealt with a lot of people who judge us or don't accept us, but that's not what's going on now." Ali said. She placed a kiss on her wife's shoulder.

"How do you know?" Ash asked. "What if we buy this house that we can hardly afford only to find out that the real reason they denied our request was because we're gay?" 

"You're expecting to get let down. I'm expecting to get accepted. Do you know why?" Ali asked. She put her weight on her elbow and lifted up her head high enough to look into her wife's eyes.

"Why?" 

"Because you deserve a family more than anyone else in the entire world. It's gonna happen...because of you." 

"That's sweet, Alex...but I don't want you to get your hopes up. I don't want you to expect something to happen and then find out that being with me ruined everything." Ash said. 

In the early days of their marriage Ashlyn had a hard time not letting the darkness of her past cast a shadow on her bright future. It was hard for her to believe good things could come her way. Ali was starting to chip away at her wife's pessimistic outlook, but they were taking a huge risk and Ash couldn't help but expect to be disappointed. She wanted to prepare her wife for the worst.

"Listen Ash, I love you but you need to stop being such a downer. Good things are going to happen for us. I know it. It's time for you to believe that you deserve good things." Ali said, setting her wife straight.

"I'm sorry. I know how this world works...especially the way it works towards me. You married someone with bad luck." Ash said sadly. She was convinced she was speaking the truth.

"Do you remember the last time you said that to me?" Ali asked.

"Said what?"

"That you're bad luck." Ali replied. She could tell by her wife's face that she didn't remember.

"It was when you had gotten injured playing for the Flash and I was in Germany. You had just returned from an injury and then got injured again. You were heartbroken and frustrated. I wished with everything I had that I could be there with you to comfort you. I said something along the lines that you should move to Germany. You said you couldn't because of family. You needed to be close to your grandparents and Chris. Do you remember that?" Ali asked.

"Yeah. I guess."

"I told you that I didn't want to pressure you. That I knew how important family was to you." Ali continued.

"Ok." Ash replied. She had no idea where Ali was going with this.

"Well, you later told me that that was the moment you realized that we belonged together and that I was your family." 

"Ok." Ash was still confused.

"My point is that the last time you felt that you were bad luck was the moment you decided to make me a part of your family...and look at how that worked out." Ali said. 

She sat up and took Ashlyn's face in both of her hands and said, "You're not bad luck. You think you are, but you deserve a whole lot more than what I, or even foster care, can give you. When you asked me to marry you, I knew I'd be crazy to say no. And that goes for children's services, too. Like I said, we're gonna be approved because YOU deserve it. I believe that with my whole heart."

"I wish I believed in me as much as you do." Ash said, while trying to gather her emotions. She felt that Ali had already given her the world simply by giving her her faith.

"One day you will. I promise." Ali replied.

The women kissed and then fell asleep for the last time in their little two bedroom apartment. It was time for the next chapter in their lives together to get started.

...

"All of our stuff fits in the living room." Ashlyn said after setting down the last box from the moving van. 

"It's a bit bigger than our apartment." Ali said and let her eyes take in the five bedroom, three bathroom house they had just bought.

"A bit bigger?" Ash said sarcastically. "This place is ginormous!"

"We have to show the foster care people that we're serious. They wouldn't even consider us with our small apartment." Ali reminded her wife. 

They needed to do a lot of convincing.

"The down payment took all of our savings." Ash said, a little freaked out about the lack of financial security they had left.

"Ash, I'm usually the one that worries about that stuff. You know why I'm not worried?" Ali asked.

"Yeah, that's true. You're usually the cheap one in the family." Ash replied, a little surprised that Ali wasn't freaking out, too. 

"I'm not cheap. I'm thrifty." Ali answered. She grabbed Ashlyn's hand and pulled her into a loose embrace. "You know why I'm not freaking out?" Ali asked.

"I have no idea." Ash replied.

"Because I look out that sliding glass door over there and see a backyard filled with our future children. There will be a grill right there." Ali pointed to a specific spot in the backyard. "That's where you'll cook me dinner. And we'll have a garden, right over there." Ali pointed to another area. "Right there in the kitchen, we'll have a refrigerator covered in our babies' artwork." Ali gave Ash a quick kiss on the lips as she watched Ashlyn imagine everything she had said. 

They could both see glimpses of their future children. They didn't see their faces, but they felt like they could almost see their smiles and hear their laughter. 

Ali continued, "The five rooms in this house are an investment in our future children. They'll need their own rooms. Baby, I would pay every cent I have, or will ever earn, for a family with you." Ali explained.

"That sounds perfect." Ash said and held onto her wife tightly. "The paper works done, we've got the perfect house...Now what?" Ash asked.

"Now we wait." Ali answered. "We wait and hope that this house is one day filled with lots of kids and even more love." 

Both women smiled at the thought of their dream of a family coming true. At that moment, they had no idea how their future children would be their greatest accomplishment. They had no idea that their house would one day be bursting at the seams with kids. 

There was so much more ahead of them than they could ever have dreamed.


	198. A Boy & His Dog

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. The final three chapters are FLASHFORWARD chapters to give you a glimpse of the family in the future.
> 
> 2\. This is a super sad chapter. I promise the final two will be happy.
> 
> 3\. I chose to write this chapter because I felt it was a significant moment in the life of this family. I'm sure some of you who have had a similar experience will understand why.

FLASHFORWARD

"What should we do?" Ali asked her wife. 

They were sitting at the vet with a very sick Monster. The vet told them it was in the dog's best interest to be put down. The couple was devastated.

"We have to do it, I guess." Ash said. All she could think about was their sixteen year old son, who had loved their dog since he could remember.

"Should we do it now and save Sam the pain of it?" Ali asked.

"No. Sam would hate us for not letting him say goodbye." Ash answered. She was having a hard enough time herself, she couldn't imagine how Sam and the rest of the children would take the news.

"You're right." Ali agreed sadly. She stared at a sleeping Monster and started to tear up. "I don't know if I can do this." Ali put her face in her hands and cried.

Ashlyn gently laid her hand on her wife's back for support and did all she could to keep her own emotions in check. She had to be strong for her family. 

A member of their family was very sick and would soon be taken from them.

Once Ali had caught her breath, she calmed down. Ashlyn carried the medicated dog to her Jeep and headed home.

...

"Hey, Mom." Jake said as he answered his phone. His wife had just handed him their new baby, so he had to hold the phone between his ear and shoulder.

"Hey, Sweetheart. I was wondering if you could come over tonight for dinner." Ali said.

"Tonight?" Jake answered. "I've got a game. What time were you thinking?" 

"Whenever you can make it." Ali answered.

"What's going on?" Jake asked. He could tell Ali had something on her mind and an impromptu dinner seemed to confirm it.

Ali let out a sad sigh and answered, "The vet said Monster has cancer. She wants us to put him down tomorrow."

"What?" Jake answered completely stunned by the news. Monster had lived the average lifespan of a golden retriever, but it still felt like a big shock. 

"I'm sorry. I just worry so much about how Sam is gonna take the news." Ali said. Her voice was shaky and her son knew that she was about to lose it. 

"Poor guy. He still sleeps with Monster. This is gonna kill him." Jake said. He stated the truth, but he wasn't making his mother feel any better.

"Ok, Sweetheart. I'll call you back and figure out a time and all that. I love you."

"Love you too, Mom."

...

Samuel was taking longer to get home than usual. Ash was a nervous wreck. Ali and her had decided that she would be the one to tell him about his best friend. 

Monster had been slowing down over the last couple of years. He had arthritis and would sometimes limp when it was cold. The family attributed his recent behavior to his age and thought nothing of it until that morning.

Ashlyn had tried to take Monster for a walk and he simply wouldn't budge. He would normally get excited when he heard the leash rattle in Ashlyn's hands, but that morning he stayed in his place on Sam's bed. When Ash and Ali found the dog, they realized that he hadn't even gotten up to eat yet. They knew he must not have been feeling well. 

That's when they took him to the vet and found out that he must be in a great amount of pain. The vet gave him a shot to relieve the pain, but there wasn't anything that could be done to heal it.

When the women heard Sam's truck pull into the driveway they sent the twins outside to play. They had told Jake so that he could be around to offer support to his younger brother, but no one else knew. They thought Sam deserved to know first.

Ash and Ali were surprised to see not only Sam, but Lexi also. 

"I didn't know you two were together." Ali said, as they walked into the kitchen for a quick snack.

"Stupid Lex ran out of gas." Sam laughed. 

"Alexandra Elizabeth!" Ash said sternly. "It's dangerous for a girl like you to be stranded on the side of the road. You have to be more responsible." 

"Don't worry Ma, I saved the day...as usual." He said with a smile. He took a bite of a bagel and kissed both his mothers before calling out to his dog.

"Sweetheart, your Mama needs to talk to you for a minute." Ali interrupted.

"Oh, ok." Sam said with a shrug.

Ashlyn forced a small smile and asked him to follow her upstairs for some privacy. 

"That's so weird." Sam said. "He usually meets me at the door." 

Ash led Samuel to his room, where his dog was sleeping on his bed. Sam immediately went to him.

"Hey bud, whatcha doing up here?" He asked. He laid face down next to his dog and noticed Monster was asleep. "He must be tired."

"Sam-Bam," Ash said and sat down on the edge of the bed. 

She put her hand on his back and patted it a couple times signaling that he should sit up. Sam did as his mother had asked and looked thoroughly confused. It only took a moment for him to realize Ashlyn had bad news to tell.

"Sam, we took Monster to the vet today. He has cancer."

"What? Does he need surgery, or something?" He asked.

"It's inoperable. The doc gave him some strong pain meds to make him feel comfortable, but..." Ash stuttered. She hesitated to let her son have one more moment of hope. "But...we need to put him down."

"Mama..." Sam said with a tremble. He was trying hard not to cry. "Can't we just give him medicine so he doesn't hurt, and then he can stay alive?" 

"Son, look at him. He isn't able to live the kind of life that he would want to." Ash reasoned. "The kindest thing we can do for him is to let him go." 

"I can't let him go!" Sam said in a yell combined with a cry of sorrow.

"Samuel, we have to." 

"You can't just give up on him. He wouldn't give up on us. What about when Jake was sick? We tried to help him get better. It's not fair!" Sam replied. 

Ashlyn tried to hug her upset son but he pushed her away. "Please just leave me alone." 

"Bam, I..." 

"Just leave!" He yelled.

Ali had been listening outside of his door and used Sam's request for privacy to make her presence known. 

"Sweetheart, you can have your privacy, but don't yell at your Mama. She's just as sad as you are." She said.

"Please leave us alone, please." He begged. He laid back down with his dog. He put and arm around Monster's body and pressed his face against the sleeping dog's head.

"Ash, come on." Ali said and took her wife's hand. Ashlyn couldn't bear to leave her son in so much pain. "He'll be ok. He just needs some time."

Ali lovingly guided her wife out of the room and once they had gotten out of Sam's view she pulled her into a hug.

"It's ok, Baby. He's hurting. We knew he would be. But he'll be ok." Ali said, trying to comfort her wife.

Ali left Ash to sit on the floor outside of Sam's room. Ashlyn didn't feel right about leaving him alone. 

Ali decided to tell the other three kids about their beloved dog. There were tears, especially from the twins, but they weren't near as broken up as Samuel was. She knew they would be just fine.

...

"Where's your wife and my grand baby?" Ali asked as she welcomed her oldest son inside.

"She had something already planned with her Dad. She took the kid. We figured it would probably be a tough dinner." Jake answered.

"You're probably right, but I miss my sweet little granddaughter." 

"Next time." He promised. "Where's Sam?" 

"He's up in his room with Monster. He's been up there for a couple of hours. Ever since he heard, he hasn't left his side." Ali explained.

"And Mama?" 

"Where do you think?" Ali said with a confident smile, knowing her smart son would easily figure it out.

"She's with him." He answered. He didn't wait for confirmation. He headed straight for his little brother's room. 

He found his mother on the floor and Lexi leaning against her and holding her hand. It was clear who was comforting who. Princess Lexi had grown up into a strong and kind young woman. 

"Hey." Jake said quietly. He squatted down to give his Mama a kiss. He gave his sister a look of thanks for taking such good care of Ashlyn. 

He knew based on his Mama and Lexi's location that Sam wanted to be alone, but he also knew that according to his Mom his little brother had been alone for a while. He decided Sam had been alone long enough. 

He quietly approached his brother. Sam felt a dip in his bed and said without looking, "Please leave me. I don't wanna talk." 

"Sam." Jake said simply.

His low voice was not what Samuel expected. "What are you doing here?" Sam asked.

"What do ya think?" He answered sarcastically.

"You're here for Monster." Sam answered.

Jake corrected him. "I'm here for you." 

"I know it's dumb." Sam said. He was willing to open up to his big brother. "But I love him. He's like my brother. He's been my best friend forever. He is such a good dog." Sam cried and rolled over so that his face was towards his brother.

Jacob remained seated but leaned down so that he could hug Sam. His head covered Samuel's and he said, "He's the best dog ever."

Jacob was a man of few words. He didn't really need to say anything. He just needed to be there. Sam finally sat up from his spot next to his sick dog and let Jake give him a proper hug. 

His brother's presence made him feel stronger. 

He knew what he had to do.

...

After dinner the family watched as Samuel asked to speak to Ashlyn in private. The two of them climbed into the children's tree house alone.

"I feel like a giant in here." Sam said. He hadn't been in the old tree house in quite a while.

"You are a giant in here." Ash replied with a small smile. 

She knew whatever Sam wanted to talk about would be a heavy subject and that any small moment of light-heartedness would be a good thing.

"Ma, I wanted to apologize to you." Sam said. He wanted to get serious right away.

"It's ok. I understand." 

"I know, but I still feel bad."

"I forgive you. I'm so sorry you have to go through this." Ash said. 

She was beginning to regret that day so long ago when she found the puppy version of their beloved dog outside in the cold. If she knew how much pain his death was going to cause, she may have thought twice before bringing him into the family.

"It's ok, Ma. It had to happen." Sam said. He cleared his throat in an attempt to hide the crack in his voice. "I was thinking that if you and the vet think it's ok, if maybe we can have him for one more day. I want to give him his favorite food and have one more night with him." At this moment, when Sam thought about sleeping alone from now on, he broke. 

Ashlyn went to his side and pulled her almost grown up son into her arms. She held him and kissed him until he calmed down. 

Once his cries had quieted she replied to his suggestion, "I think that's a great idea. We'll plan the perfect day for him." 

...

The next day was a mix of joy and tears. Sam insisted on going with Ashlyn to the vet so that he could hold his dog for Monster's last moments of life. 

It was the hardest thing Sam had ever gone through, because of his love for his faithful friend. 

It was one of the hardest things Ashlyn had ever gone through, because of her love for her sweet and amazing son.

...

That night after all the children had gone to sleep, Ash and Ali felt their bed dip. 

"Can I stay here tonight?" 

They heard their son ask. It had been years since Sam had snuck into his parent's room in the middle of the night.

"Of course, Sweetheart." Ali said and made room in between her and her wife.

"Bad dream, Bam?" Ash asked. Somehow she already knew the answer.

"Yeah." He said sadly. He adjusted himself so that his head was was on Ashlyn's shoulder. Ali held onto his hand and squeezed it gently. 

Sam sniffed back another batch of tears and said, "Mama, you were right."

"About what?"

"That Monster kept the bad guys away." He answered.

Ali smiled slightly at the memory of her wife, so many years ago, promising a scared little boy that his new dog would protect him from the nightmares and imaginary monsters that kept him up at night. It was almost bittersweet to think that Monster had done everything Ash had promised. 

Samuel fell asleep with the comfort and security of his parents around him. It was difficult for him to get used to the idea of sleeping alone in his bedroom. Every time he laid down in his bed, or woke up in the morning without his faithful friend beside him, he was reminded that Monster was gone. 

It took a long time for him to get used to the absence of his dog. No matter how difficult the transition, he never regretted having Monster there through the years to love and have as a best friend.

A part of his family was gone, but his memory could never leave his heart and mind.

Monster would always live in his favorite boy's heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For happier times check out Chapter 14: Monster.


	199. The Princess & The Snowflake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a FLASHFORWARD chapter.

"Where's Sam?" Jake asked. 

His entire family, minus one sister, was in the front row of a small theater. Lexi was the star performer in a local college ballet that was minutes away from starting.

"He said he's on his way." Ali answered.

Jacob had his 2 year old daughter in one arm and carried a baby carrier with his infant son in his other hand. He stood at the end of the aisle and waited for his wife to get settled into her seat so he could give her their daughter.

Once Rachel was ready, he handed off their daughter, and as he was about to take his seat he felt a huge weight smack against his back. 

Samuel had arrived.

Sam had decided the best way to greet his big brother was a surprise leap onto his back. Sam held onto his brother's neck and demanded that he surrender. 

This was nothing new for the brothers. Samuel always loved to wrestle with Jake ever since he was little, but it wasn't until a couple of years ago that it was a fair fight. Sam loved the fact that he finally had a good shot at beating his big brother.

"Samuel!" Ali scolded from her seat. They were in public, at a nice place, and her son was acting like a crazy man.

Rachel was used to her husband and brother-in-law's rough housing, but she didn't approve of them doing it while Jake was holding their baby. She quickly removed the infant from the danger zone and left Ali to deal with her misbehaving boys.

"Mom, all he has to do is surrender." Sam answered. 

He was as wild as ever.

"Never!" Jake declared and put both hands up over his head and grabbed the back of Sam's neck with both hands. 

He knelt down on one knee and bent over, while flipping Sam over his head. Sam ended up on the floor in front of him and Jake immediately put his little brother in a headlock. 

"Surrender!" Jake said, now that the roles were reversed.

"No way!" Sam replied and tried to get free. He smacked his arms backwards and landed a few hits on his brother's face but the angle was too awkward for him to make any real impact. 

Sam finally enlisted the help of their youngest brother. "Jamie, tap in." He held out his hand and his thirteen year old brother gladly accepted the challenge.

Once Jamie had officially become part of the ruckus, he put his oldest brother in a headlock and tried to pull him off of Sam.

"Ashlyn, stop them." Ali said to her wife. Ash had been trying to stifle her laughter. If she knew she wouldn't get in trouble with Ali she would've joined her sons.

"Babe, they're just having fun." Ash defended.

"We are in the front row of a full auditorium at a special event for our daughter. They're gonna get us kicked out!" Ali replied. She was not amused by the boy's tomfoolery. 

"Alright, alright." Ash said. 

She left her seat next to her wife and joined her sons in the aisle. She heard her oldest son ask for her help and wished that she could join in. Instead of tackling her youngest son, which was her first instinct, she loosened Jake's grip on Sam and told the boys to take a seat.

"Mama, you let me down." Jake jokingly mumbled as he returned to his feet.

Jacob gave his wife a quick kiss before taking the baby carrier, with his son inside, to his Mom. That was the usual drill whenever his family visited with his parents. Ali had to have at least one of her grandchildren in her arms.

Jake gave both his moms a hug and kiss and returned to sit at the end of the aisle with his wife and daughter. Sam jokingly sat on Jacob's lap before grabbing his niece and finding his own seat. 

The two of them were perfect for each other. Sam would have a hard time paying attention for the entire two hour performance. Having his toddler niece in his lap gave them both someone to play with. 

"Shhh!" Ali shushed her family as the lights went down and the stage lit up. It was time for the show to start.

...

After the show the family took Lexi to a nice restaurant to celebrate. 

Once again, Sam was late.

"How can he be so late? We left from the same place, at the same time." Jake complained. 

Sometimes he felt like Sam was a mystery. He had no idea what was going on in his brother's head. His life seemed to move at a different rhythm than the rest of the world.

"I'm sure he'll be here soon. Stop picking on him and start helping me with our children." Rachel said. 

"Our brother is a special snowflake." Lexi said. She had just arrived and overheard her brother's complaint. 

"You're here!" Ashlyn cheered. She hugged her daughter and lifted her up off the ground. "Princess you made us so proud tonight." 

"Thanks, Mama." Lexi said, blushing at the compliment. 

"Sweetheart, I'm so proud of you. You looked absolutely stunning and your movements were so graceful." Ali said. Lexi was the star of a beautiful production and her parents couldn't have been more proud.

"Thank you." Lexi replied and hugged Ali. Ali always got emotional when her children, not only made her proud, but reminded her of how much they were growing up. Lexi wasn't her little girl anymore.

The family had all ordered their drinks and appetizers before Sam arrived. However, it became clear that he had a very good excuse. Two good excuses, actually.

"What the heck happened to you?" Jake asked. His brother was covered in grease and had dirt on the knees of his pants.

"Hold on." Sam said, putting up one finger. He needed to take care of something important before giving his explanation.

Sam handed his sister a bouquet of roses and said, "You were the most beautiful ballerina I've ever seen." He kissed her cheek and said quietly into his sister's ear, "I love you, Lex." 

As if flipping a switch he went from sweet, quiet, and loving to life of the party in a split second.

"So..." He said with a loud voice. "On my way to get Lex's flowers, I came across an old lady who was trying to fix a flat tire. She reminded me of Mom and Mama, so I thought to myself, 'Self, if that was your mom you would want some handsome and charming dude to pull over and help them.' So, since I'm a handsome and charming dude, I helped the super old lady out."

Sam was trying to get a reaction out of his parents. He normally wouldn't call and elderly person 'super old' but he wanted to give Ali and Ash a hard time.

"We are not super old." Ash said. "At least I'm not. She is pretty old." Ashlyn said and gestured to her wife.

"You two are the worst!" Ali replied. Her family seemed to look for any opportunity they could to call her old. 

"Whatever, Grandma." Sam answered cheekily. 

"Take it easy on Mom." Lex defended. 

"Thank you, Sweetheart." Ali said grateful that her daughter was on her side.

"I mean, it's not her fault when she was born." Lexi joked. Her brother was a bad influence on her.

"Ok guys, since this one here," Rachel interrupted. She pointed at Sam and continued, "was delayed by a good deed, maybe we shouldn't use it as an opportunity to tease each other."

"Yeah, you being mean to Mom cancels out your good deed, Sam." Jake reasoned. 

"Sorry, Mommy." Sam apologized. He always said, 'mommy' when he wanted his mother to give him a free pass due to his cuteness factor.

"You're crazy, but I love you. Now someone hand me one of my grandchildren." Ali replied.

...

A week after Lexi's big performance she was in the middle of finals. She was exhausted. She was a double major in government and communication. After she graduates she planned on going to law school. School along with her dance endeavors kept her busy.

On days when she was completely overwhelmed she would visit home. She lived in the dorms but home would always be with her family.

Ash and Ali had taken the twins to soccer practice and then out to dinner. When they got home they found their twenty year old Princess asleep on the couch.

"Poor thing." Ali said. "She must be exhausted. I'm gonna make her something to eat. She looks too skinny." 

Ashlyn laughed quietly at her wife's reaction. "You're such a mom." 

"What's that supposed to mean?" Ali asked. She wasn't sure if she should be offended or not.

"You have special mommy senses. You know just what a child needs. It's a good thing, Babe." 

"Well then, thank you." Ali said. She instructed Ashlyn to make sure her and the twins stayed quiet and let their little princess sleep.

Ashlyn, Bella, and Jamie didn't wake Lexi up. Samuel and Joey did.

"Mom, it's not our fault. We didn't know." Sam tried to defend him and his friend.

"You are always too loud." Ali replied. Her son had more energy than ever and his voice was low and booming.

"Mom, I can't help that. I'm passionate." He said with a smile. 

Passionate was a word that Ali had used years ago with an impatient teacher who had yelled at Sam for talking in class. Ali had no patience for adults who treated children, especially her's, like they were misbehaving every time they expressed themselves. Ever since that day, Sam used the word, passionate, as a way to get his Mom to loosen up when he got in trouble.

"You're too much." Ali said and shook her head. She gave him a kiss and turned her attention to his long time friend, "Joey, are you staying for dinner? I'm cooking for Lex and it should be done soon. There might even be enough for your loud friend." She nodded towards her son and winked at him.

"We're eating here." Sam answered for the both of them. "Come on, Joey. You need to see my new weight bench." 

The boys left to check out Sam's new workout equipment and left Ali to wonder if she had made a lasagna big enough for two eighteen year old boys to share with Lexi.

...

"Any new boyfriends, Lex?" Ali asked. She was sitting with her wife at the table while Lexi, Sam, and Joey ate.

"I'm too busy for boys." Lex said between bites.

"How about you, Sweetheart?" Ali asked Sam.

"Meh." He answered through a sound that was a cross between a dying seal and a duck.

Ashlyn could tell her son was hiding something. She didn't want to put him on the spot, just in case it was a painful subject. Ali, on the other hand, wanted the gossip.

"Is there someone special?" Ali asked, insisting that he actually answer her.

Joey was hiding a smile with his hand. Ali knew for sure there was a story to be told.

"Tell us, Sam. You know we love you. You can trust us." Ali insisted.

"Just tell her." Lexi said. Apparently she knew what he was hiding.

"You know something and haven't told me?" Ali asked Lexi. She couldn't believe it.

"He asked me not to say." Lex answered.

"Fine!" Sam said, wanting to get the women in his life to quiet down. "I guess it's time I told you." He said in a serious tone. "I can't hide it any longer." 

Sam put his arm around Joey, causing his friend's eyes to grow big. "I'm in love with Joey."

His parents sat with mouths wide open and in complete shock. Lexi rolled her eyes. 

"I'm gay." Sam confessed.

His parents still seemed stunned. They were speechless.

"No, he's not. He's being stupid. Just tell them the truth." Lexi said. She was frustrated with her brother's lack of manners.

"Wait a minute." Ash said, holding up her hand. "That's not a joke."

Ali knew exactly what her wife was thinking and put her hand on Ash's thigh and said, "It's ok. Let it go."

"No, Alex." Ashlyn turned to her son and made sure he knew she was serious. "Kids fear for their safety when they confess their sexuality to their family. I know you were only trying to be funny, but you need to know that's not funny."

"Sorry." Sam said sadly. He didn't mean to bring up any painful memories or make his parents mad at him. 

"Anyways..." Ali said, trying to relieve the tension in the room. "So, is there a special someone in your life?" She asked Sam.

At this point Sam was feeling pretty bad. He answered shortly, "I don't really feel like talking about it." Sam excused himself from the table and left to go to his room. 

Thankfully Joey was practically a part of the family, or else the whole exchange would have been really awkward. Ali gave her wife an unmistakable look that told her she needed to make things right with their son. Ash excused herself to speak with Samuel.

Sam heard a knock on the door. "Come in." He said. He knew who it was. He didn't need to ask.

"Hey, Bam." Ash said and sat down on his bed. Sam was doing bicep curls with his new weight set. 

"Hey." 

"I know you were joking. I'm sorry if I came down too hard on you." Ash apologized.

"It's my fault." Sam replied. His heart was still as sensitive as ever.

"It's hard to understand something that you haven't gone through." Ash said. "Your Mom and I know what it's like to fear how people will respond to us being honest about who we are. You are probably more knowledgeable and sensitive to these types of things than most kids, but unless you've gone through it, you can't totally understand. I'm sorry I was so hard on you."

"I didn't think about it like that. I was just trying to avoid the subject." Sam answered.

"What were you trying to avoid telling us?" Ashlyn asked.

Sam let out a frustrated sigh. He knew he had to come clean. "I've been dating someone for a while." He said.

"Really? Why haven't you mentioned her, or brought her over?" Ash asked.

"Because it's not like Jake and Rachel. They ended up getting married. I'm still figuring out how much I like this girl." He explained.

"Ok, but why wouldn't you want to tell us about her?"

"Because Mom is super protective and our family is different than her's." He answered.

"What do you mean by different?" 

"She's cool, but her parents are really conservative and I'm not sure they would approve of..." Sam didn't have the heart to finish his sentence.

"I see." 

"It doesn't matter to me what they think." He said, trying to make his Mama feel better.

"Apparently, it does." Ash said, trying not to sound disappointed.

"Ma, come on. I really don't care. I just don't want anyone to judge you guys." 

"Sam, people will always judge us for whatever reason they can find. What matters is that we are honest with ourselves. You can't let other people's opinions dictate your actions. That's no way to live. It doesn't matter to me what your girlfriend's parents think. What matters to me is what you think. Right now it looks like you're ashamed of your Mom and me. If that's not the case, then why are you so worried about someone else's opinion?" 

"I'm not ashamed. I never could be. I'm proud of you two." Sam replied. He was almost in tears at the thought that his mother could ever think that.

"Then don't waste your time worrying about what people think. You will never be able to please everybody. Be honest and be proud of who you are and where you come from." Ash said and finished her words of wisdom with a kiss on her son's head before leaving Sam to think about what was most important to him.

...

The next day Ali noticed Sam seemed less happy than usual. Normally her son was a ball of energy and committed to making people laugh as much as possible. Ali found Samuel laying at the bottom of his old childhood slide from the backyard tree house.

"You ok, Sammy?" Ali asked and rubbed the part of Sam's shin that was sticking out of the bottom of the slide.

"I guess." Sam sighed.

"I guess not." Ali corrected.

Sam pushed himself out of the slide so that he could look his mother in the eyes, "I broke up with my girlfriend today."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. What happened?" Ali asked. She knew as much about the new girl in Sam's life as her wife had told her about the night before.

"We got into a fight. I guess she wasn't as cool as I thought she was." Sam answered. 

He didn't want to go into detail about the painful experience, especially since it had a lot to do with his ex-girlfriend and her family not approving of his family.

"I'm sorry, baby. Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?" She asked.

"No, I'll be ok. I wasn't really invested too much into her anyway. I think I always had a feeling it wouldn't work out. I'm just a little bummed. I'll be fine." 

Ali helped her son up and put an arm around his waist in a side hug. Sam put his arm around Ali's shoulders and the two walked back into the house together.

"It really is too bad, though." Sam said. "She was really hot."


	200. Miss You More

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. This is a FLASHFORWARD chapter.
> 
> 2\. There are a lot of little details in this chapter. I wanted to let you know as much as I could about how everyone ended up, so hopefully it flows well.

Most of the Krieger-Harris family gathered together with an intimate sized group of people in a small church. They were there to witness the wedding of two close friends. Their group took up an entire row of the church.

"Where's Samuel?" Ali whispered to her daughter. 

"He's probably sleeping." Lexi answered.

"I thought when the two of you moved in together you would be able to take care of him, and make sure he showed up on time to important events...like a wedding." Ali said, completely frustrated with her children.

Her son was a little flighty when it came to keeping a schedule. She had hoped his big sister would be a better influence on him.

"Don't be too hard on him. He just got off of a three day shift. He didn't even make it to his bed. He collapsed on the couch and hasn't moved since last night. He didn't even eat!" Lexi said, sticking up for her little brother.

"That job just gives him more excuses to be late. I don't like that." Ali said and pursed her lips.

"Mom," Jake jumped in to defend his brother, "he's out there saving the world. I think we can cut him some slack." 

"He's gonna miss the wedding. The ceremony is short. You explain to the bride and groom that Samuel's sleep is more important than their big day." Ali replied.

"My Dad doesn't care." Rachel butted in. "And Annie loves Sam, no matter what. It will be fine." 

Rachel's Dad had finally found someone to grow old with. Ali and Rachel had tried to set him up with Annie years ago, only to find out that they had already been dating secretly for almost a year. 

Rachel and Joey would soon become step-siblings, which wasn't so different than what they already were. They weren't like most blended families. They were practically related already because of their connection to the Krieger-Harris family. They had basically grown up together.

Before Ali could give another word of complaint her firefighter son grabbed her from behind, causing her to jump and scream. 

"Oops, sorry Mom." Sam apologized and gave her a quick kiss to appease her.

Sam had woken up so late that he didn't have time to shower, change, eat, or even brush his teeth. He was still wearing his fire fighter uniform, that was now wrinkled and a little smelly.

"Come sit next to me, Sweetheart." Ali's heart immediately tenderized towards her son once she saw how exhausted he looked. She made everyone move over to make room for Samuel to sit next to her.

As he sat down he said sweetly, "Thanks, Mommy." By this time Sam had completely melted his mother's heart. The two of them held hands through the entire ceremony.

Ashlyn had also arrived late, but her tardiness was expected. The women had been asked to foster two more children. They had gone through the process of remaining eligible to foster every year since Lexi had graduated and moved out, leaving an empty room. Now that Sam had moved out, they had two available rooms.

They always had a strong passion to help children who needed a home. They felt that their house was a safe place of acceptance and belonging. They wanted to share it with as many children as they could.

Over the years they had seen many children come and go. They had experiences with their foster children that were both happy and sad. Overall, if a child was willing to give the family a chance to really love them, that child found a home and a place where they would always be welcomed.

A few hours before the wedding, Ali and Ashlyn had been called and asked to help with an emergency placement for a ten year old boy and his baby sister. They decided that Ashlyn would bring the children to the reception to meet the family, that way if it didn't go well they could leave without causing a scene and interrupting the ceremony.

"Hey!" Ali jumped out of her seat at the reception to greet her wife and their new foster children. She was already emotional from the wedding ceremony, adding to her feelings was the arrival of her own bride who had just rescued two children in need. To Ali, it doesn't get any hotter than that.

"Hey, Babe." Ash greeted her wife with a little kiss before introducing her to their temporary foster children. "This handsome guy is, Alex." Ash said with a smile. "And this little one's name is, Emma." Ash handed her wife the one year old baby girl, knowing that she would want to hold her. "Alex, this is my wife, Ali. She's my prettier and smarter half." 

Ali blushed and brought them back to the family's table. After they had introduced the children to the twins, who were the only ones that were still at their table, Jamie and Bella took Alex away from the adults to try and get him to open up and have a little fun. He seemed to really hate the fact that he was there. They were familiar with this type of thing and were as much a part of their parents' desire to help kids as Ash and Ali were.

No matter how hard the twins tried, they couldn't get the boy to relax. They knew better than to hold it against him. They had heard a lot of difficult stories over the years, and knew that a 'bad kid' was usually just a 'hurting kid' who was afraid to let someone else in.

The twins were sure their attempts at a conversation were in vain, until Bella noticed the boy staring at their oldest brother.

"You know who that is?" She asked.

"Yeah, he plays soccer." Alex answered.

When the twins heard his answer they knew they had found their way in.

"We should see if we can get an autograph." Jamie said. He knew exactly what his sister was thinking.

"Nah, he probably wouldn't want to talk to us." Alex replied. 

Alex didn't feel he was worth much. Why would an all-star soccer player give him the time of day?

As the poor boy was pondering his chances at meeting his idol he was bumped into by a firefighter spinning a ballerina princess. 

"Oops, sorry guys." Sam apologized. The twins would never know if he did it on purpose, or not. Sam just had a way of being at the right place at the right time to help people.

"Sam, do you think superstar Jake Krieger-Harris would give us an autograph? Alex is a big fan." Bella asked, with a grin.

"Oh my! I don't know. He's super stuck up. At least that what I heard." Sam answered. 

Lexi was by her brother's side and doing her best not to ruin the surprise. She thought it was a little mean to tease the new kid, but decided to go with it. 

"Plus," Sam said, "He's over there dancing with his wife. He's probably one of those athletes that thinks he's a hot shot and shouldn't be bothered with such things." 

Lexi couldn't help it. She rolled her eyes and marched over to her oldest brother. She grabbed him by the arm, causing him to separate from his wife's grasp, and pulled him over to her younger siblings.

Alex was in shock and wished he could disappear. He thought his new foster family was absolutely crazy. 

"What the heck, Lex?" Jake asked, with Rachel following close behind. 

"Jake, this kid wants your autograph and our siblings are giving him a hard time about it." Lex explained. 

Rachel hid her smile against her husband's arm and waited for the big reveal.

"Who is this kid?" Jake asked. 

"This is our new foster brother." Bella answered with a grin. 

"Ah." Jacob replied. "Anything for a brother." He said and put his hand out towards Alex. "My name's Jacob. These fools are my brothers and sisters. So, that makes you family."

"Woah." Alex replied. He was completely stunned.

"How about a signed jersey?" Rachel asked. She could tell that the boy was too surprised, nervous, and probably a lot of other things to know how to respond. 

She continued, "He has a game tomorrow night. We can all go and watch. Then after the game, he'll give you his jersey." Rach promised. Then she realized that she had made the offer without checking with her husband first, so she quickly asked him, "Right, Babe?"

"Whatever she's says, I gotta do." He said to Alex. He gave his wife his attention and answered, "Yes, dear."

"Thanks." Alex replied. It was at this moment that he thought his temporary new family might not be too bad.

...

"Annie keeps texting me." Ali said to her wife.

"Tell her to stop! She's on her honeymoon." Ash replied. 

The women were getting Emma bathed and changed for Jake's game. 

"She's worried about the shelter. She keeps thinking about little details that she forgot to tell me." Ali explained.

"You guys have that place running like a well oiled machine. She needs to relax." 

"She just loves those women and children so much. She can't let go." Ali replied.

Ali and Annie had started a shelter for battered women and their children. It offered safety and assistance to those who felt threatened by their spouses. They could house up to eighty people a night, and were looking to expand. 

Annie's life had come full circle. She was no longer the one needing rescued. She was the one doing the rescuing.

...

At the end of Jake's game he went straight to Sam, Lexi, and Alex. True to his wife's word he took his jersey off and handed it to Alex who was in the front row on the sideline. 

The Krieger-Harris family had a row of seats in the front, as well as a suite. The rest of the family was in the suite living it up. 

"I can sign it when we get home. We're coming over for dinner." Jake said, as he handed his sweaty shirt to the boy. 

Alex loved it. 

Lexi thought it was disgusting.

"I'm glad to see you like soccer." Jake said to the young boy. "Ya know, my parents are World Cup champions. You should ask them to show you their medals. It's not often we get someone in the house that has enough brains to appreciate that sort of thing." 

"Once they pull those out, you'll be their prisoner for hours listening to 'the good old days.'" Sam said in a mocking voice.

"Old people always talk about the good old days." Lex said.

"Hey, you guys better watch it. I'm almost there, too." Jake defended his mothers.

"Yeah, you really are. We got an old man over here." Sam laughed.

Alex couldn't believe that Jacob was getting teased by his younger siblings. It seemed so normal for someone who he considered a star athlete. He was just a regular guy.

"On that note..." Jake said, ready to change the subject. "Why don't you guys hang out with the rest of the family and I'll meet ya after I get cleaned up." 

"Sounds like a plan." Lexi replied. She was ready to get the show on the road. She was in her final year of law school and was always watchful of her time. She could've memorized a few new laws during the ridiculous conversation her brothers were having. She was ready to move along.

...

Back at the house Ali and Rachel were feeding the little ones. Alex watched as Ali tried to give a spoonful of baby food to his little sister.

"She doesn't like that kind." Alex said.

The family didn't know much about the shy boy, but they did know that he was very protective of his baby sister.

"Why don't you come on over here and pick out something you think she would like." Ali opened up the cupboard for the boy to inspect the bottles and he looked over each one carefully. He pulled out a small bottle of crushed carrots and handed them to Ali.

"Thank you." Ali said. "Emma is lucky to have you as a big brother." 

The boy shook his head a little and stared at the floor. He felt awkward. He was starting to like the family that he told himself not to get attached too. He had abandonment fears and thought that as soon as he got close to the Krieger-Harris family, he would have to leave.

While Alex was deciding on his next move, Ashlyn joined the group. She gave the boy a little nudge to let him know he could relax. "Hey dude, we're about to start a game of basketball, if you're interested." Ash said.

Ash watched the boys eyes move from the floor, to his sister, to Ashlyn, and back to the floor.

"You don't have to, if you don't want to, Sweetheart." Ali encouraged. 

"Uh...um..." He stuttered. "I guess that's ok." Alex replied.

"Great!" Ash said and clapped her hands. "Let's show these clowns how it's done!" 

"Really, Ash?" Ali said disapprovingly. "Our children are not clowns. They're little angels." 

As if on cue, Sam came bursting through the front door, trying to avoid his older brother's attack. They chased each other around the living room, up and down the stairs, and ended up back outside.

"Are those the angels you were talking about?" Ash asked with a smirk.

"I've never seen those two before in my life. MY children would never behave like that. They must be YOUR'S!" Ali answered. 

"Hey, before you guys go outside..." Rachel said, grabbing Ashlyn's arm. Her voice got quiet as if she was telling a secret. "Jacob got some bad news today. I think he would feel better if he talked to one of you about it." 

Ali and Ashlyn shared a look and a nod. Ash would let Ali take care of the younger children and Ash would see if she could get Jake to open up.

Ali and Alex joined the 'clowns' outside and once Alex seemed comfortable playing with Sam and the twins, she pulled Jake aside.

"Son, how are things going?" She asked him.

Jake scoffed at his mother. "Could you be any more obvious? Rachel told you."

"Yeah." Ash replied. "Well, she just said you got some bad news. She didn't say what."

Jacob took his mother by the hand and led her to the back yard for some privacy. The two of them sat down next to each other on the swing set.

"There was this kid that I knew, before I met you guys." Jake started, he stared down at his fidgeting hands as he spoke. "We weren't best friends, or anything. We would sometimes end up at the same shelters or in the same alleys." Jake hesitated to continue. He bit his lip, in hopes to hold back his emotions.

"Anyway..." He continued. "We ran into each other a few years ago. Rach and I got him checked out medically and tried to help him get sober. We really tried..." Jacob let out a long breath, trying to steady his words. 

His voice started to shake as he continued. "Um...we had connected a few times over the years. He stole from us a couple times because of his addiction, and we decided we had to be careful because of the kids. He um...overdosed a few weeks ago." A tear was threatening to spill out of one of his eyes as he hesitated to finish.

"I'm so sorry, Jake." Ash reached over and held onto her son's hand to offer strength.

"I just happened to find out. Nobody knew. There wasn't an announcement in the paper, or even a funeral. Even if he would've had a funeral, no one would've went." Jake said sadly.

"You would've." Ash said, trying to comfort him.

"Yeah, but that's it." Jake said and wiped at his eyes. "He didn't have anyone." 

Jake cleared his throat and brought his eyes up to meet his mother's.

"Mama..." His voice cracked. "You and Mom saved me. I could've ended up like him. I could've been completely alone and looking for something to keep the pain away. That's all he did. He hurt so much. He was so lonely. He just wanted it to stop."

Ashlyn left her seat and went to her son. She held him close to her chest. He stayed seated and let his mother comfort him.

"Mama, you gave me a family. You gave me a future...and now I have a family of my own, and my kids will have a future, too. Everything that you and Mom do here, in this house, with these kids, it's the work of God. It's what love looks like in its most pure form. You give kids a chance to have everything in the world...because you give them love. You give them...us...a family. And there will NEVER be enough words for us to tell you how much that means. You saved us...me." 

"Son, thank you." Ashlyn whispered. She was a wreck. She didn't know her son was going to say all of this. She never could've imagined.

She took a deep breath and looked her boy squarely in the eye and said, "You have no idea, but you saved me, too."

...

After Jake and his family left, Sam sat on the couch between his parents. He held a sleeping Emma in his arms. The twins and Alex had gone to bed and it was only the three adults who were still awake. Well, almost awake. Sam was drifting in and out of consciousness.

"Samuel, your sister said you've been working too hard lately." Ali said. She wanted her son to stay awake as long as possible. She missed him terribly. 

"Yeah, that's kinda the firefighter schedule, though." He replied.

"Is Lexi making sure you eat?" Ali asked. Her kids were never too old for her to worry about them.

"Yeah, we have dinner together twice a week. Sometimes more, if her schoolwork isn't too much for her. On those days I just bring a couple pieces of pizza to her." Sam explained.

Ash smiled. "Aww, I like that."

"Like what?" Sam asked.

"I like that you two take care of each other." Ash answered. She sat up and put an arm around her wife. "Remember when they didn't even get along?" Ash chuckled.

"Hey, I got along with Lex. She's the one that hated me. I was the victim. The cute, lovable victim." Sam said, defending himself.

"It wasn't until we had the twins that she changed. The two of you teamed up to take care of them, and have been best friends ever since." Ali reminisced.

"Yeah, now we're living happily ever after." Sam joked.

"Speaking of happily ever after..." Ali grinned. "Any new ladies in your life?"

"No. I'm too busy. And I get bored easy. It would take someone different and special to keep my interest. I haven't found her yet." He said honestly. 

He was telling the truth, too. He had been set up on several dates, but none of them stuck. 

"I think I will always compare them to my first love." He said with a smirk.

"Who?" Ali asked. Her curiosity knew no bounds. 

"Duh!" Sam laughed loudly enough to wake the baby. Emma wiggled a little and fell right back to sleep. "You guys." He finished his thought with the right amount of sincerity and love for his mothers to know he meant it.

"Oh..." Ash said with a little chuckle. "I thought you were talking about Tobin."

"Ahhhh." Sam sighed, with a look of pure bliss on his face. "Tobin. Yes, if I could've married that girl, I would've."

"Gross." Ash said, completely disgusted by the thought. "Anyway, what are you doing tomorrow?" She asked.

"Nothing. I have the day off. Why?" Sam replied. 

"I've got a lot of clients that need a trainer. You wanna make a little extra cash and help me?" Ash asked.

After Ashlyn retired she opened her own health and fitness center. She used her knowledge as a professional athlete to help train people into great physical shape. With her past she felt that it was important to care for the health of the body, mind, and soul. She teamed up with other professionals in the area to form a network of people that could care for the entire being of their clients. Her first official client was Jacob. As his career took off, so did Ashlyn's company. She was in the process of making arrangements to open a third location and was struggling to keep up with the people who needed her help. She was the owner and manager over all of the locations, but had a staff at each health center to handle most of the day to day stuff. Ali helped with a lot of the details and keeping everything on schedule, but Ashlyn was the heart and soul of it. She cast a vision for each of her employees and clients that inspired them to not only be the best that they could be, but to help others reach their potential, as well. 

It took Samuel two seconds to answer his Mama. "Sure."

"You HAVE to be on time, baby." Ali said sternly.

"I'm always on time." Sam argued in jest.

"Samuel." Ali replied and gave him a look that communicated her seriousness.

"Ma knows she can count on me. No worries." He said with a smile.

"I'll call you in the morning and let you know when we need you." Ash said. 

Ali quickly added, "So don't stay up too late tonight!"

"Are you saying you want me to leave? You guys are the ones keeping me up." Sam replied. He knew Ali would never ask him to leave.

"No! Don't you ever leave us!" Ali said dramatically. She grabbed his arm and leaned against his shoulder to make her point.

Samuel didn't leave. He stayed for another hour and soaked in every moment he could with his parents. Maybe that is what made Sam so different, or a special snowflake, as Lexi would say. Maybe it was his ability to live and breathe every moment like it was air keeping him alive. He had his own way of seeing things, but whatever had his attention, if even for a moment, had it all. 

As Sam was leaving, Ash walked him out to his truck. She gave him a hug and said, "Love you, Bam."

"Love you too, Ma." 

"I'll miss you." Ash said.

He stepped up into his truck and before closing the door replied with a smile, "Miss you more."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. Thank YOU! If you're reading this, then I hope you know how much I appreciate you. 200 chapters is a lot of chapters. You've read like several novels worth of words in this story. That to me is amazing. Thank you for your time, your comments, your everything.
> 
> 2\. As you may have noticed there are more chapters. The following chapters are made up of mostly prompts. Feel free to send me one if you have one. For some this might be the perfect chapter to STOP reading. However, if you're like me you may want to find out more about these characters. If so, please continue. But be warned, the following chapters weren't planned out. They are whimsical and written because someone, or something inspired them in the moment. So if you want an ending that ties up all the loose ends in a nice little bow, that's what chapter 200 is for. (At the time when I wrote it I really thought it would be the last chapter, but my mind kept thinking about this family and based on the prompt requests so did a few other people too.)
> 
> 3\. Whether you stop reading or continue I just want to thank you for everything!


	201. An "Almost Married" Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a FLASHBACK chapter.
> 
> Merry Christmas, everybody!

FLASHBACK

"You don't have to be nervous." Ali squeezed her fiancé's hand and tried to settle her nerves. 

Ash replied in a shaky unconfident voice, "I know."

"Do you?" Ali was in the midst of watching her future wife unravel. "Baby, it doesn't matter what anyone thinks. Ok?" Ali could feel Ashlyn shaking through their connected hands. She had never seen her fiancé act like this before.

All of the color had drained from Ashlyn's face. When she started to bounce her leg up and down at a ridiculously fast pace, Ali knew Ash was more than just nervous. 

The women were on a plane headed towards Virginia. 

Ashlyn was going to meet Ali's extended family for the first time. 

Her very conservative extended family. 

Her very conservative extended family who adored Ali's rich ex-boyfriend. 

When the pilot announced that the plane was making it's approach to land, the weight of Ashlyn's fear of rejection began to suffocate her. She stood up to use the bathroom. The flight attendant told her she had to sit down. It was too late to use the bathroom. She had to sit down, buckle up, and wait for the plane to land.

Ash sat back down. She fished out the bag from the seat pocket in front of her that was used for the purpose of an emergency place to vomit. Ali watched her lean forward and hold the bag up to her face, just in case. 

"Baby, why are you so nervous? I've never seen you like this." Ali said and rubbed Ashlyn's back. She was familiar with Ashlyn's anxiety but had never witnessed it rise so quickly. 

Ashlyn took a few deep breaths before leaning back against Ali's arm and her seat. "I guess I'm just nervous they won't like me."

"Ashlyn, my family loves you. You don't have to worry about anyone not liking you." 

"Your parents and brother love me, but your other relatives don't approve of us."

"That has nothing to do with you. I could bring any other girl home and their opinion would be the same. Why do you care what they think, anyway? You usually don't care about that stuff." Ali said. 

"I care because it's your family. We're gonna see them all the time for the rest of our lives." 

"Maybe we won't." Ali replied.

"What do you mean? We'll see them on holidays and stuff." 

"If they have a problem with you, then I don't want to see them. I'm serious. I'm not going to put up with anyone mistreating you, especially my family." Ali promised.

"Really?" Ash asked.

"Of course! Baby, you come before everyone else. That's sorta the whole deal with getting married." Ali laughed. "Besides, there's only a couple of people who might be unaccepting of you, and I don't like them very much anyway. It's their loss." Ali said with sass. She pulled her future wife into an awkward hug due to the confined space of the airplane. She could feel Ashlyn relax in her arms. After a kiss to her fiancé's temple she whispered, "I love you. No matter what we face, we face it together."

"Forever." Ash stated before closing her eyes and sharing a moment of peace with Ali.

...

"Baby, leave that. My Dad and brother will bring those in." Ali said. Ash was unloading their suitcases from Ali's Dad's trunk. 

"It's ok. I got it." Ash said. She was trying to put off going inside for a few seconds longer. If nothing else, she could use the luggage to hide behind from any judgmental stares.

"Ashlyn, I want you next to me when we go inside. Leave the bags and get over here!" Ali ordered. She knew it was for Ashlyn's own good. 

Ali held her hand out with the palm facing up and waited for Ashlyn's hand to join her's. She pulled their locked hands up to her lips and placed a kiss on Ashlyn's hand before saying, "You ready?" 

"I guess." Ash answered. She was much calmer than before, but still nervous, none the less.

"We face it together." Ali said with a small encouraging smile.

"Forever." Ash replied. She was grateful for Ali's support.

Ali's Mom welcomed them both inside. She gave each of them a welcoming bear hug. The only time Ali let go of Ashlyn's hand was when Kyle stole her away to show her his new longboard. 

"Hey..." Ali's Mom pulled her aside. "So, she's pretty nervous, huh?"

"How'd you guess?" Ali asked.

"I've never seen her so quiet." Deb said with a smile. "She's family. She doesn't need to worry about a thing. You tell her that if someone gives her a hard time they have to answer to me." 

...

"There you are!" Ali said as Ashlyn came down the stairs of her great grandmother's house. "I missed you." Ali pulled Ash into a hug and kissed her passionately.

"What was that for?" Ash asked, taken by surprise by the burst of affection.

"I'm just glad you haven't made a run for it yet." Ali said with a smile.

"Ha...ha...You're hilarious." Ash said sarcastically. 

Ali was about to give herself a pat on the back for her amazing sense of humor, when she noticed Ashlyn playing with the hem of one of her sleeves.

"When did you put that on?" Ali asked, referring to her hoodie. "Is the Virginia winter weather too cold for my little Florida girl?" 

"Uh...umm...yeah." Ash answered slowly. It was obvious to Ali that her fiancé was hiding something.

"Ashlyn, why are you wearing that?" 

"It's not a big deal." Ash answered and turned her head away from her best friend and future wife.

"Ashlyn?" Ali pulled at Ashlyn's hand that was playing with the sleeve and asked, "What happened?"

"It's not a big deal. I don't want to make it a big deal." Ash replied.

"You're making it a bigger deal by not telling me." 

"Fine." Ash gave up. She pulled Ali to a more private spot in the house and said, "Your uncle said something about my tattoos."

"You covered it up because he said something? What did he say?" Ali asked.

"It wasn't nice. I really don't want to talk about it right now." Ash answered.

Ali let it go at that. She didn't want to make Ashlyn more anxious by pushing her. Ali decided to keep a closer watch on her family's treatment of her fiancé.

...

"So Ashlyn, are your parents upset that you're here instead of with them?" Ali's cousin asked. The family was having dinner and Ash, Ali, and Kyle were at the 'big kids' table. That was the table for the young adults and college kids. There was a 'little kids' table too, but Ash wasn't lucky enough to be sitting there.

"Umm, not really." Ash answered vaguely. She didn't want to get into her family history with Ali's cousin that she had never met.

"Are you two gonna visit them for New Year's ?" The cousin asked.

"No." Ash replied. 

Ali could see Ashlyn getting uncomfortable. She grabbed her hand under the table and took over the conversation.

"We're going on a trip to the Caribbean for New Year's. Then we're heading back to Germany." Ali squeezed Ashlyn's hand and said, "How about you? What are your holiday plans?" 

Ali's cousin went on to talk for the rest of dinner about her non-committal boyfriend and how she knows they're meant to be even though he cheated on her. Ashlyn would've normally wanted someone like her to shut up and let someone else talk, but she was glad for the change in subject and the good chance that she wouldn't have to answer anymore questions.

...

"Are you sure it's ok for me to sleep in here?" Ash asked. They were now at Ali's Mom and Dad's house and in Ali's old room. 

"Don't be stupid. Of course, it's ok. We're engaged, for crying out loud." Ali answered.

"I still don't feel right about it." Ash replied. She grabbed her pillow and found a place on the floor right next to Ali's bed.

"Are you being serious right now?" Ali asked. Her usual cocky and affectionate fiancé was set on sleeping apart that night.

"Alex, yes! I don't want to give any more reasons for them to judge me."

"I already told you that it doesn't matter what anyone thinks. Besides, my parents love you. You're in their house." Ali tried to rationalize.

"Sorry, Babe."

"So, I have to spend our first Christmas together as an engaged couple all alone? That sucks!" Ali said.

"You can hold my hand." Ash said and reached up from the floor to the bed.

"Why can't you lay next to me so I can hold your hand? I promise I won't try to take advantage of you." Ali said with a smirk. She thought maybe she could tempt Ashlyn to compromise with a little seduction.

"Sorry." Ash said. She rolled over on the floor with her back facing Ali's bed and tried to fall asleep.

Ali whined. "Baby, at least face me."

Ash rolled over towards her and smiled sweetly. "Sorry."

They both tried to get comfortable without the presence of the other as close to them as usual. It didn't seem right to either of them to sleep separate, but Ashlyn had her reasons and she wouldn't give in. 

About ten minutes into the quiet of the two of them attempting to get a good night's sleep, Ashlyn heard Ali's voice break the silence.

"Ashlyn?"

"Yeah?"

"Will you hold my hand?"

"Yeah." Ash said and reached up and fumbled around until she found Ali's hand. It was an awkward and uncomfortable position for her, but somehow it made her feel peaceful.

They were both finally able to fall asleep.

...

Ashlyn ended up sitting up against the bed and resting her head next to Ali's. Ali woke up with the familiar smell of Ashlyn's hair in her face. She had laid as close to the edge of the bed as she could to be near Ash. She quietly laughed at herself when she realized that even when unconscious the two of them gravitate toward each other. She knew she had found something truly special.

"Baby." Ali whispered. She placed a kiss on the top of Ashlyn's head and gave her shoulder a nudge.

"Hmm?" Ash grunted.

"You don't have to wake up, but I'm gonna take a shower. Lay down on the bed and try to get some sleep." Ali said. She helped Ash up and guided her to lay down. Ash was basically unconscious for the whole thing. 

Ali smiled down at her fiancé and gave her a tender kiss on the lips before leaving her for a little while to get ready for the day. She knew Ash would need all the peace and rest she could get before the big family party that afternoon. 

...

"Good morning, sleepy head." Deb greeted Ashlyn with a smile and a hug. "Alex and Kyle went for a walk. Are you hungry?" 

Ashlyn was mortified. Had the entire family been up for so long that they had already had breakfast and were now on a walk?

"Um, sorry I slept in so long. I didn't sleep well." Ash apologized. She felt like she was making a horrible impression on her fiancé's family. 

"Ash, honey, you know we don't care about that stuff. You're at home with us. Sleep in as long as you want. Now, are you hungry? We have lots of leftovers from breakfast." Ali's Mom said. She didn't wait for an answer to start making Ashlyn a plate.

Ali's Dad had been out shoveling the sidewalk and seemed thoroughly happy to see Ashlyn when he came back inside.

"Hey, Ash." He said. "I need to make a quick trip to the store. You wanna come along?" He asked.

"Uh, sure." Ash answered. She was nervous about the situation of being with Ali's family, but she knew Ken and Deb well. She knew she didn't need to be nervous around them. 

"You better let Ali know, honey." Deb reminded Ash to check in with her fiancé.

"It'll be fine." Ken insisted. He knew that Ali would go along with whatever he said anyway. 

"Ash, call her." Deb said. She wasn't gonna let Ken be the cause for any drama with her daughter.

Ash did end up calling, but she did it in secret so Ken wouldn't see her. For some reason she didn't want him to think less of her. 

Of course, it was all in her head, but she felt like maybe Ken was trying to bond with her and if she made it seem like she was checking in with his daughter, he might change his mind. Again, this was all in her head, but she was unfamiliar with the interactions of a dad and didn't want to blow it.

...

"A hardware store." Ash stated as they pulled into the parking lot. "I'm surprised they're open."

"They're privately owned. They know a lot of people need extra tools and such on Christmas. We are here for that exact reason, actually. I need to find the right size socket to put a bike together for my nephew. Don't tell my wife, but I haven't even started yet." Ken said.

"Oh, man!" Ash laughed. "Isn't the party in a couple of hours?" 

"Yeah. That's why you and I are gonna sneak into the garage when we get home and put it together. They'll think we're out running errands." He said.

"It's the perfect crime." Ash said with a smile.

"Not only that, but it will keep us away from all the relatives that are gonna stop by before hand. It's quiet in my garage. You'll love it." 

"I love it already!" Ash said with a full on smile. She was finally starting to feel at ease. It seemed Mr. Krieger hated family Christmas parties as much as she did.

...

"Where the heck are you?" Ash read the text from Ali to Ken.

He laughed and said, "She sounds just like her Mom."

Now they were both laughing.

"Ash, you're the son he's always wanted." Kyle's voice said from behind them.

Ashlyn didn't get offended by the comment. Her and Kyle had a special relationship. They could joke around with each other about almost anything and not get mad.

"Kyle, come help us." Ken said. He handed his son the socket wrench and immediately Kyle gave it back.

"Sorry. I'm the daughter you always wanted." He said with a smile and kissed his Dad's cheek. 

"You're too much." Ken replied with a grin. 

"I'm telling on you two." Kyle said as he sauntered back into the house.

"We're in trouble." Ken said. "Hmm...Now where should we go?" He asked with a smile.

"I think we need to face our women." Ash replied. She knew she couldn't hide for much longer without getting in trouble. She hadn't seen Ali since the night before when she told her they couldn't share a bed. 

And if she was being totally honest, she really missed her fiancé.

...

The two managed not to get into too much trouble. Ali was actually happy by the absence because it meant that Ash was comfortable with her family. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case once her extended family showed up.

Ashlyn either stayed close to Ali or played with the children. Those were the only two places she really felt safe: 

At the moment Ali, Kyle, and Ali's parents were engrossed in conversation with some of Ali's more conservative relatives and Ash retreated to the play area with the little kids. She was laughing and making airplane noises with a three year old when she overheard Ali's uncle.

"I don't trust her with the children. She looks like a gang member. Who knows what kind of things she might do to little kids. That's why I'm keeping a close eye on her." He said to his teenage daughter.

Ashlyn was devastated. She felt the warmth of tears streaming down her face. She tried to nonchalantly wipe her eyes and leave without making it obvious that she had heard what was said. Ashlyn tried to make her way to the bathroom before she completely fell apart.

Ali felt a tap on her leg from Kyle. She turned her attention from her great grandmother to her brother. Kyle nodded toward Ashlyn as she walked past. It was obvious she was upset. Ali wasted no time to check on her.

It was only seconds after Ash had locked herself inside the bathroom when she heard Ali's light knock on the door. Ashlyn turned the water on, hoping that whoever was on the other side of the door would hear it and leave her alone. She didn't know the one person she wanted was only a few feet away.

"Ashlyn, Baby..." Ali said quietly. She didn't want anyone else to hear. "Ash...I'm here. Can you let me in, please?"

In a moment Ash had the door opened and Ali in her arms. She closed the door with her foot and let go of Ali only long enough to lock the door.

"What happened?" Ali asked. She wiped Ashlyn's face while she waited for an explanation.

"Your uncle..." Ash started to answer. Ali watched as her fiancé's heart broke again as she remembered the words that he had said. "He said that I'm probably a gang member and he doesn't trust me with children because I might try something bad." 

As a child, Ashlyn had a lot of people in her life that mistreated her. They not only hurt her physically, but left a lasting scar on her life. Someone comparing her to a person who would hurt a child, is the worst thing she could ever be accused of. 

Ali was furious.

"I'm sorry, Baby." She replied. She took a small clean towel from the sink and dampened it with warm water. She washed her fiancé's face and said, "We're leaving."

"What?"

"We're not going to put up with this."

"Alex, I don't want to cause any trouble." Ashlyn said. "Just let it go." She begged.

"No, we're leaving. You don't want to be here, and if someone's hurting you, I don't want to be here either." Ali said. She wasn't messing around.

"But we haven't opened the gifts yet. What will people think?" Ash asked.

"Baby, I don't care." Ali answered. She took Ashlyn by the hand and pulled her to her parents. "We're leaving." She said firmly.

"What's wrong, honey?" Deb asked. She could see that Ashlyn had been crying and Ali was angry.

"I'm sick of people judging us!" Ali said. She raised her voice as she saw her evil uncle eavesdropping on their conversation. She made eye contact with him and said, "Some people are treating my fiancé like she doesn't belong here. They're insinuating that she's a terrible person and they don't even know her."

Ken followed his daughter's stare and knew who she was referring to. He stayed quiet but wasn't going to respond passively. He waited for the right action to make itself known.

"Dear, can you blame them." Ali's great grandmother decided to put her two cents in, as well. "No offense," she gestured toward Ashlyn as if telling her that she shouldn't be offended by the very offensive words she was about to say. "Our Ali is simply confused. She had a nice boy when she was in college and a nice boy when she was a girl in high school. You and her don't make sense. Where is your family?" She asked Ashlyn. She didn't wait for an answer to continue. "It seems to me that they would want you with them for Christmas. But for some reason they don't. That just isn't the kind of person that deserves our Alexandra."

"Shut up!" Ali yelled. Her mother gasped in shock at the fact that Ali would speak to the old woman in such a way. 

"Alex, let it go." Ash begged. This was the worst thing she could possibly think of happening. 

"No, Ashlyn. We've been judged ever since we got here and we haven't done anything wrong. I'm sick of it." Ali answered.

"That's enough." Ken said. He couldn't take it anymore. "Grandma, I love you. But this is my house and I will not allow my daughter and future daughter-in-law to be treated this way. I'm going to have to ask you to leave." 

Everyone in the house was silent. What Ali's father had just done was unheard of. Great Grandma Krieger always got a free pass to be as racist and bigoted as she wanted, because she was from another time when that was the norm.

"Mr. Krieger, please don't make her leave." Ashlyn begged. "I'll go." Ashlyn was now standing up for the woman who had shown her such cruelty. This should have been enough for Ali's family to see what kind of a person she was. 

Unfortunately, ignorant hatred runs deep.

"Make her leave, Ken!" Ali's uncle said, pointing at Ashlyn. "She's the trouble maker, not Grandma."

"I said that was enough!" Ken said forcefully. "Ashlyn, isn't only marrying my daughter, but she is also a close personal friend of mine. It doesn't matter who you are, I will not be disrespected in my own house by how you're treating my friend and member of our family." 

"Mr. Krieger, please don't kick her out." Ash begged again. She was practically in tears.

Ali was too stunned to speak. Her Dad always stayed in the background at family get togethers. He tried to stay as unnoticed as possible. She had never seen him act this way, especially to his Grandmother.

"Fine." He answered and then lowered his voice so that only the few people closest to him could hear. "But it's only because she asked." He said to his grandmother. He made it clear that it was Ashlyn's mercy and not his welcome invitation that was allowing her to stay.

...

Compared to Ali's great grandmother almost getting kicked out of the party, the rest of the time was pretty tame. Ali and Ashlyn avoided anyone that showed any sign of judgment. Ali made no apologies for her outburst. She knew she didn't do anything wrong.

That night after everyone had left, Ali talked Ashlyn into sleeping next to her in the bed. Ash wasn't as concerned with making a good impression after the day's events. 

"I love you. You know that?" Ali asked.

"Yeah." Ash answered. It had been a hard day. She was reminded that she was an unwanted child. She was called terrible things and accused of worse. She had caused an awful fight between her fiancé's family members and she was starting to believe that maybe Ali was better off without her.

"Ash, what are you thinking?" Ali asked. She had an arm draped across Ashlyn's waist as Ash held her firmly in her arms.

"That today sucked. And that maybe I'm not good for you." Ash said.

"Ashlyn, don't say that." 

"I can't help but think that. I don't belong here." Ash confessed.

"Ash, I don't belong with them either. I'm just better at fitting in because I've had to do it my whole life. We are the same. It doesn't matter if we fit in, or not. We fit together." Ali replied.

"Hmm...Yeah, that's true. Me and you do fit." Ash said. "I'm just no good at these family things. I hate them. I feel like I don't know how to act or what to do." 

"Everyone hates family things. Trust me." Ali said with a smirk. 

"Next year we should have Christmas with my grandparents. Then we won't have to worry about being judged."

"Ok." Ali agreed easily.

"Ok?"

"Ok.

"You would go to Florida with me instead of being with your family?" Ash asked.

"Baby, we'll be married. We have to split up our time with our families. Next year we will visit your grandparents." Ali promised.

"Thank you." Ash said and placed a kiss on the top of her fiancé's head. "I love you."

After the tender moment between them, Ashlyn felt Ali's body start to shake. Ali was trying hard to contain it, but was failing.

"What?" Ash asked.

Ali laughed out loud once she knew her fiancé had caught her and said, "I didn't realize you and my dad were such close friends." She had just remembered what her father had said and couldn't help but tease Ashlyn about it.

"Neither did I." Ash laughed along.

"Merry Christmas, Baby." Ali said seriously.

"Merry Christmas."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To all those who feel like they don't fit, you're not the problem. You're perfect!


	202. Really, Really.

"Gramma, look it!" Sam said and held up his new toy helicopter his Mama had gotten him earlier that day.

Ali's Mom knelt down to get eye level with her five year old grandson and let him show off his new toy. He was both proud and excited about the gift. Ashlyn had bought it for him as a reward for being such a good big brother to the twins. 

Since their birth, Sam was the child who had to adjust the most regarding his parents' ability to give him attention. He was still getting used to it, but he was making an effort to have a good attitude. Ashlyn felt that his effort deserved to be rewarded.

"I love it!" Ali's Mom exaggerated her approval for the sake of the boy's pleasure. 

"Oh, no!" Sam said and bopped himself on the forehead with his palm. "Stay here." He said and ran off in the direction of the kitchen. He returned moments later with what he had forgotten.

Sam held up a remote control and said, "Look, Gramma." Sam handed the control to her and took the helicopter out of her hands. He flipped a switch on the bottom of it to turn it on. He put it down on the floor and took the remote from his grandma. "Watch, Gramma!" He said excitedly.

The boy showed his grandmother how to fly the helicopter with the remote control. He was still mastering it himself, but wanted to show her how good he was at it. The flying toy ended up crashing into a wall, but it had flown enough for Ali's Mom to marvel at her grandson's flying ability. 

"Ashlyn!" Ali said and pinched her wife's arm. 

"Ow! What?" Ash asked. The two of them were washing dishes while the rest of the family hung out with Ali's Mom and brother.

"You bought him a remote control toy? He's too young! He's gonna break it after a day." Ali complained.

"I wanted him to feel like a big boy. It was your idea." Ash replied.

"It was my idea to reward him for his good attitude and efforts. I did not say you should get him a toy that is completely inappropriate for him." Ali explained. She was not doing a good job of hiding her disapproval. 

"Sorry." Ash apologized. She wasn't really sorry, but her wife seemed to think it was a bigger deal than she did.

"How much did that thing cost anyway?" Ali asked.

"$80."

"Ashlyn?!" 

"What?" Ash asked. She knew for sure she was gonna get a lecture on being a better steward of their finances, but she pretended to be clueless. Ali wasn't at the store with them. Sam was so proud of himself and he got super excited when he saw the toy. Ashlyn couldn't help herself.

"Ashlyn, he's five. It doesn't make sense to spend that much money on a boy who destroys everything. We have two more mouths to feed and at the moment we're both unemployed. Money doesn't just grow on trees around here." Ali lectured.

"Wow. You pulled out the old 'money doesn't grow on trees' line." Ash said quietly. She kept her head down and focused on drying the plate that she had in her hands.

Before either of them could say another word they heard Samuel cry out, "Mama!" 

Ash gave her wife a sad smile and put away the dish before leaving to check on their son. 

Ali was wrong. 

The toy didn't even last one day. 

"Mama!" Sam cried. He had big tears in his eyes as he held up his new toy. "Monster broke it."

Ashlyn took her son in her arms and carried him to a private place where the two of them could cuddle and talk. Ashlyn felt worse than he did. She should have never put him in the situation. Now his little heart was broken and it was all her fault.

After Samuel had settled down, Ashlyn made a secret deal with him and the two of them snuck out of the house. 

...

"Where's Ashlyn?" Ali asked her mother, who was watching Lexi and the twins. She was letting her granddaughter dress her up like a princess while the babies slept.

"She left with Sammy a few minutes ago." Deb answered. 

Ali had stayed to finish cleaning up during the time Ash had left to console their son. When she had finished putting the dishes away she wanted to check on Team Awesome only to find that they were gone.

"She could've at least told me." Ali huffed and dug into her pocket for her phone. 

Ali dialed her wife's number and barely had a chance to say hello before Ash gave an explanation. 

"Bam and I are on an important mission. Don't worry." 

Ash held her phone up in the air and told Sam what to say. Ali heard her sweet five year old shout, "Don't worry, Mommy!" He added a few giggles and let Ali know that at least he was happy again.

"Ashlyn..." Ali said. She heard her wife fumble with the phone and then what sounded like a distant yell mixed in with loud rumbling.

"Babe, I dropped my phone. Call you back." 

At least that's what she thought Ash said. It was hard to hear over the loud interior of a Jeep driving on the highway.

"Where the heck are they going?" Ali asked herself. "Those two will always be a mystery to me."

...

"Ok, so before you get mad..." Ash put her hands up as a sign of surrender and walked toward her wife to distract her from the box that her son was carrying. She watched as Ali's face changed from confusion to realization of what was happening. 

Ashlyn pulled her wife into a tight hug and let her son excitedly join the rest of the family. Ali held back her comments until she was alone with Ashlyn. 

"Ashlyn, what the heck?" Ali scolded through whisper.

"I couldn't help it. I talked with him about taking better care of his things. He can handle it." Ash explained. She had driven and hour away to replace Sam's broken toy.

"So you have now spent $160 on a toy that you shouldn't have bought for him in the first place. How does that make any sense?" Ali asked. She felt like Ashlyn had not only made a bad decision, but she chose to make it twice. "We talked about this already. You did this knowing I was against it. Ashlyn, that's not ok!"

"I know, but he was so sad. It was my fault that he was sad. You were right, I shouldn't have gotten it for him, but I already did and he was so upset." Ash tried to explain.

"Ashlyn, we can't afford to pay that kind of money for a toy." 

"I know!" 

"Then why did you go buy it again?" 

"Because he was upset." Ashlyn explained. 

"Ugh! We aren't getting anywhere." Ali sighed loudly. She was exhausted by her wife's logic. "At least I'll be able to return to work soon and make us some money. Don't worry about it." Ali mumbled and walked away. She didn't realize the affect that that simple statement would have on her wife.

Ashlyn decided that it was the perfect time to take Monster for a walk. She needed it more than he did, but he was always more than happy to give her a reason to get out of the house.

...

"Where's Ash?" Deb asked her daughter. The women had just finished changing both babies and getting them back to sleep in their cribs.

"She took the dog for a walk." Ali answered.

"What's with the tone?" Ali's Mom asked.

"What tone?"

"What did Ashlyn do?" Deb asked. She knew her daughter too well.

"She spent a fortune on a toy for Sam...twice! She spoils him and is gonna end up spending all of our savings because she's worried about hurting his feelings." Ali vented. 

Ali was frustrated with her wife, but she knew she shouldn't have complained to her mother about her the moment she heard her wife clear her throat.

Ash had a worn out Monster in her arms and had carried him upstairs to sleep in Sam's bed. On her way to his room she overheard her wife and mother-in-law talking. She should've just kept walking, but she couldn't help it. 

"Ash..." Ali started to apologize but the words got caught in her throat. The situation was more than awkward with Deb standing in between the two women.

"I'm gonna check on the other kids." Deb said. She needed an excuse to get the heck out of there.

"Ash, I'm sorry." Ali said.

Ashlyn didn't say anything. The truth was she was feeling pretty bad about the situation already, and hearing her wife complain about her to her mother-in-law only made her feel worse about herself.

"Ashlyn..." Ali pleaded with her eyes for Ash to forgive her. She knew she had hurt her.

"It's fine." Ash answered. She turned to leave. She paused for a moment before choosing once and for all to let it go. She didn't feel like talking at that moment anyway. She left the room and took Monster with her.

...

"Hey." Ali said and used her hip to nudge her wife. The two of them were waiting on Lexi and Sam to finish brushing their teeth so they could read them their bedtime stories and tuck them in.

Ashlyn gave Ali a forced smile and nodded in response. 

She still didn't feel like talking.

"Ash." Ali whispered a plea of reconciliation. She could tell Ashlyn was bothered by something. Maybe it was more than what she had thought it was to begin with.

"Don't worry about it, Alex." Ashlyn answered.

It was definitely more than what Ali first thought.

"Mama!" Sam pulled on Ash's hand and used his other hand to gesture for her to bend down to his level.

Ash squatted down and he said, "Smell." He blew his minty fresh breath into her face and smiled big to show off his clean teeth. Ash's little buddy put a genuine smile on her face. 

She picked him up and kissed his face a few times before carrying him into his room. Ali was going to have to wait to settle things with Ashlyn. She hoped that their children's bedtime routine and the twin's sleep schedule lined up enough for them to take care of this sooner, rather than later.

...

Ali felt their bed dip and quietly sighed in relief. She was worried that Ashlyn would try to avoid her all night. 

"Baby?" Ali rolled onto her side and pressed her body against Ashlyn's back. Ash was on her side facing away from her.

"Hmm?" Ash hummed her reply.

"I'm sorry about what I said. I love you." Ali apologized for a second time that day.

"It's ok." Ash answered sadly.

"It doesn't sound like it's ok, Ash." 

Ashlyn exhaled loudly and rolled over towards her wife. Her head fit perfectly on Ali's chest. Ali's arms automatically pulled her in closer and held her securely in place.

"What's going on, Baby?" Ali asked. 

"I'm just feeling really worthless." Ash answered. 

"What? What are you..." Ali was shocked. "Baby, what are you talking about?"

"I can't do anything. I can't play soccer anymore. I'm not good at being a responsible mother. I'm letting you and the kids down." 

"You are not letting anyone down." Ali replied.

"I'm supposed to take care of you. I can't take care of you at home, and now I can't take care of you financially either." 

"Ash, you're not making any sense." Ali replied.

Ashlyn rolled out of Ali's arms and swung her legs off the side of their bed. She sat up and turned back around towards Ali. 

"I can't even argue right." Ash said in frustration. She stood up to leave, but was stopped by Ali.

Ali could sense that her wife was about to bolt out of there. She quickly took hold of her hand and pulled her back down to a sitting position. Ali sat up and moved next to her.

"Let's talk more about this." Ali said. She knew that if she got Ash to talk they would be able to come up with a solution together. "What's really bothering you?"

"I'm not a stay at home mom. What's gonna happen when you go on the road with the Spirit or out of the country with the national team. Do you really trust me with our five kids?" Ash asked.

"Baby, why are you worrying about this, right now? There are a lot of details that we need to figure out, but those things don't mean you're a bad mother." 

"Ali, all I can do is play soccer. Now that I can't do that I feel like I can't contribute to this family. I shouldn't have bought that toy for Sam. Not because it was too expensive but because I'm unemployed and brain damaged!" Ashlyn was almost in tears. 

"You are NOT brain damaged! You had a brain injury and now you need a change of career. You are capable of doing amazing things. You're the most talented person I know. We'll figure this out." Ali encouraged.

"Yeah, ok." Ash agreed unconvincingly. She stood up and felt her wife tug on her arm. 

"Where are you going?" Ali asked. She was worried her wife would slip into a depressed or anxious state. She wanted to avoid it getting worse.

"I'm getting something to drink." Ash answered. She wasn't thirsty. She just needed some space.

"Baby, remember my Mom is in Jake's room and he's on the couch." Ali didn't want her wife to wake up half the family.

"I know...." Ash mumbled and left.

...

"Oh crap!" Jake tried to be quiet but his mother surprised him. 

"Are you kidding me, Jake?" Ash asked rhetorically. She had caught her son and his girlfriend on the couch together.

"Mama, nothing happened!" Jake tried to explain.

"Your grandmother is right down the hall. Your little brothers and sisters are upstairs. What are you thinking?" 

Rachel wanted to die. She was so embarrassed. "Honest, nothing happened." She said. She knew they were both in big trouble.

"Rachel, are you wearing clothes?" Ashlyn got right to the point. 

Her son had the couch pulled out into a bed and both he and Rachel were underneath the covers. 

"Yes." Rachel answered weakly.

"You have three seconds to get out of this house!" Ashlyn whisper-yelled.

"Mama!" Jake tried to slow his girlfriend down but she quickly made her exit. Jacob was livid. "Mama, that wasn't fair! We didn't do anything. You were so mean to her." He complained.

"You're both lucky I didn't physically throw her out. You know the rules, Jacob. You snuck her into the house after curfew and who knows what else you had planned. I'm not sorry for doing my best to make sure you don't get your little girlfriend pregnant." 

"Shut up!" Jake yelled. "You're accusing me of things I didn't do!"

Thankfully, before Ashlyn could lose it and say something she would regret, Ali put in her two cents.

"Jacob Isaac, you do not yell at her or talk to her like that!" Ali scolded. She had heard them arguing and hurried to get them to quiet down before they woke up the whole house.

"Mom, it's not fair. She's treating me like I did something wrong!" Jake complained. He was certain that his actions were just.

"We'll talk about it in the morning. Go to bed." Ali replied. She knew that nothing would get solved with everyone responding in anger. "Ash, come on." Ali grabbed her wife by the hand and pulled her away from the scene of the crime. She knew they had a long night ahead of them. Ashlyn wouldn't be falling asleep anytime soon.

...

The next morning Ali and her mother worked together to give the bigger kids breakfast, while Ashlyn fed, changed, and bathed the twins. Once she had finished with the babies she joined the rest of the family downstairs. 

Ali had been on high alert all morning. She needed to intercept her wife before she discovered their oldest son's latest misbehavior.

"Baby, I need to talk to you really quick." Ali said and gave a knowing look to her mother. 

"Mama, g'morning!" Sam cheerfully greeted Ashlyn. He was oblivious to the tension in the house.

"Good morning, Bam." Ash said and kissed his head and then greeted Lexi. "Morning, princess." She kissed her and noticed an empty seat at the table. Now Ali's urgency to talk made sense.

She nodded toward Deb and forced a smile. She knew her mother-in-law understood the situation. Ashlyn followed her wife into the living room, where the couch was still pulled out and messy from their oldest son's use.

"Jacob and my car were both gone when I woke up this morning." Ali whispered. She carefully observed her wife's reaction. 

Ashlyn said nothing.

"I texted him and he replied. He's safe. He slept at Rachel's house last night. He claims he didn't do anything sexual with her. Her Dad is away on business and she was scared last night. That's why he told her to come over." Ali explained.

Ali paused to give her wife a chance to respond, but she didn't. Apart from the tightening pulse of her jaw, Ali wouldn't have any indication of Ashlyn's feelings. But her tell made it clear. 

Ashlyn was furious.

"Ash, try not to get too upset. He's a teenager with a serious girlfriend. His judgment is easily clouded by his emotions." Ali rationalized.

"When is he coming home?" Ash asked through gritted teeth.

"He said soon." 

"Soon." Ashlyn stated. She stretched her neck and cracked her knuckles before saying, "If he's not home in five minutes, I'm going to get him." 

Ashlyn waited ten minutes, but he had yet to arrive. She was true to her word and drove to Rachel's house. Ali went along with her to make sure things didn't get too out of control. 

When they arrived at her house they saw that Ali's car was still in the driveway. It was Rachel who answered the door. Jacob was sitting in the kitchen drinking a cup of coffee and looking much older than his actual age. 

"I'm really sorry to have caused all of this. He was just trying to help me." Rachel apologized quietly to Ashlyn and Ali. She didn't want Jacob to hear. She knew he would defend her without concern for himself. She didn't want him to get into any more trouble.

Ashlyn walked right past her and straight for her son. "Get your shit together and get in the car!" She demanded. 

This was the first time he had heard her swear when talking to him. Ali and Ash had a strict rule not to curse in front of the children. Ashlyn was too angry to filter her words at the moment.

"I didn't do anything." Jake said and started to stand to leave.

"Don't talk! Get your stuff and get out!" Ashlyn yelled.

Ashlyn followed Jacob out of the house and towards Ali's car. "You're joking." Ash said as he went to the driver's side on his mother's car. "You're riding with me. Your Mom will drive herself home." 

Jacob huffed his way to the Jeep and threw his bag hard into the back seat. He sat down in the front passenger seat and stared out the window the whole ride home. 

Neither of them spoke.

Ali stayed behind and talked to Rachel about what had happened. They were the two level headed ones, at the moment. Ashlyn and Jacob were too alike to listen to each other. Both of them loved passionately. It was Jake's deep love and concern for Rachel that compelled him to go against his parents' rules. It was Ashlyn's passionate love for her son and his future that made her resolute in her stand.

They both wanted the same thing, but they were too stubborn to see it.

...

Ashlyn and Jacob had been home for almost a full hour before Ali arrived. She didn't come alone. Rachel followed nervously behind her. Jacob fought the urge to get up and kiss her. Ashlyn saw his immediate change of demeanor and could only roll her eyes.

"Ashlyn, can I talk to you for a minute?" Ali asked sweetly. She stopped to give all of her children a kiss before pulling her wife away from the group. 

"Our son was stupid, but as usual he had a good and kind reason behind his actions." Ali said. "Rachel has been having a hard time lately and with her Dad's absence she was feeling unsafe in the house alone. I told her she can stay with us until he gets home." 

"You did what?" Ash asked. "Don't you think we should have talked about that first?" 

"Sweetheart, you're angry. If you weren't upset I know you would agree with me about this."

"But I don't even get a chance to weigh in on the decision? Am I so unqualified to be a parent that you don't need to even ask me what I think?" Ash asked. "Between you and Jake I'm feeling pretty irrelevant in this house these days." 

"Ash, what are you talking about?" Ali asked. She was completely taken by surprise. 

"Admit it, Ali. You think I'm a terrible parent. I can't provide for you or our children. I don't even have our kids' respect anymore. Admit it!" 

Ali reached for her wife and tried to pull her into a hug to offer some comfort, but Ash pushed her away.

"Admit it, Alex!" 

"Ash, you're being too hard on yourself. This is a transitional time for our family and your career. You need to give yourself a chance to adjust. We'll get through this." Ali promised.

"Stop trying to fix me!" Ash replied. She was fed up with feeling like Ali's project. She was fed up with everything.

"Ash..." Ali tried to talk her way out of the hole she had dug herself into, but her wife wasn't going to stick around to listen. 

"I'm going for a run." Ash cut her wife's reply off and grabbed her tennis shoes. She passed her children on the way to the front door and decided she wasn't going to run alone. "Jacob, come on." She thought he looked a little too happy about having his girlfriend at the house. She couldn't let that continue.

"Mama, I wanna go." Sam said. His innocent voice pulled her enough out of her funk to respond in kindness.

"Me and you have a special walk to go on later with Monster. This is a longer run for just me and your brother. Ok?" Ash explained.

"Ok, Mama." Sam agreed immediately. He puckered his lips to signal that he wanted a goodbye kiss. Ashlyn's heart was starting to soften. She couldn't resist the Sam-Bam charm. 

Ash kissed him and gave him a hug. "I love you, Bam." 

During the whole exchange between Ash and Sam, Jake waited at the door filled with worry. He had no idea what Ashlyn had planned for him as a punishment. 

Ash nodded toward the door and Jacob obediently headed out. The two of them put their stubbornness to the test. Everything was an unsaid competition. Ashlyn hated running. Running was an unfortunate part of soccer and fitness that she was forced to put up with. 

She hated running, but she hated losing even more.

Ash and Jacob ended up miles away before Jake started to slow down. He finally stopped in front of an old run down house with a guard dog sleeping on the porch. Ashlyn stood in front of her son who was bent over trying to catch his breath.

"Stand up straight and put your arms over your head. Breathe in and out slowly." She instructed. It was second nature for her to come to her son's aid.

"Mama..." Jake said between breaths. "I'm sorry." 

Ashlyn sat down on the sidewalk beside him and leaned back until she was completely laid out on the ground. 

"I'm sorry, too." She apologized. She was completely exhausted. It was more than a physical weariness that weighed her down.

"Rachel's been having nightmares about her mom's death." Jake said. "Usually she has her dad there. She never wakes him up, or anything. She doesn't want to keep him from getting sleep. But when she sees him she knows that she's safe. I just wanted her to feel safe."

"You should've told us. We would've wanted to help her, too." Ash replied.

"I don't ever want her to be afraid." Jake thought out loud. He probably wouldn't have said it, if he wasn't so tired.

"You really love her, don't you?" Ash asked.

"Yes. She makes me happy. She makes me think I can do anything." 

Ash sat up and reached her hand out to her son. Jake helped her up and the two started the long walk home together.

"Since you and Rachel are so close now, do I need to worry about anything?" Ash asked. She didn't want to make her son feel uncomfortable, but she knew there was a real possibility that if her son wasn't sexually active yet, he would be soon.

"I already told you we're not doing anything." Jake said. He sounded offended by the question.

"Jacob, I don't expect you to not want to have sex with your girlfriend. I think you're too young, but I also don't want to be naive. You need to know you can talk to us. It's really important that you figure some things out before anything actually happens. There's no excuse for being irresponsible or inconsiderate." Ash said. 

Jake was very uncomfortable, but knew he couldn't get out of the conversation.

"Both of us have talked about it. Neither of us are ready." He replied. He didn't like talking about something so personal, but knew hiding wasn't going to help anything. He could trust his Mama.

"I'm glad you both know that. It's really important that you talk through these things with each other." 

"I know." Jake answered uncomfortably and then asked, "Can we please talk about something else?"

"Sure."

They talked about soccer, school, family, and everything else under the sun. By the time they had returned home everything was back to normal. They had completely reconciled and we're back to their old selves by the time they came through the front door. 

"Hi, there." Ali greeted them. She was happy to see that their temperaments had changed. "Do you two have any idea how long you were gone?" She asked. 

They could tell by the accusing tone that they might be in a little trouble.

"I'll answer for you." Ali said. "Three hours. You've been gone for three hours." 

"Sorry, Babe. It's my fault." Ash apologized.

"You're in charge. I'm taking a nap." Ali said and tossed one of the twin's spit up clothes over Ashlyn's shoulder. 

Ali didn't wait for a response she headed straight upstairs and fell asleep seconds after her head hit the pillow.

...

"Are you feeling better now?" Ali asked her wife. There was no mistaking that Ashlyn was acting happier.

"Yeah. I think I know what I want to do." Ash answered. Ali wasn't expecting to hear that response, but she wasn't going to complain.

"What do you mean?"

"I think I'm gonna be a personal trainer. When we were running, we both had so much anger and hurt, but by the time we were done, we were ready to move forward. I feel like I need to help people get healthy." Ash explained.

Ashlyn could plainly see that Ali wasn't getting it.

"I want to develop some kind of health program that would address all of the needs of a person. Not just physical." Ash said.

"Ok." Ali replied. She was starting to catch on.

"I would need to get certified, but I already know a lot of the fitness stuff. Maybe I could team up with other people who know the rest of the stuff. We have a lot of connections through our experiences. I really think it could be something good. Something important..." Ash said. She studied her wife's face, before carefully asking, "What do you think?" 

Ashlyn needed Ali's support or else none of it would work. She felt like she might be crazy, but if Ali believed in her, then anything is possible.

Ali took a deep breath and slowly let it out. It seemed that she was stalling. Maybe she needed time to pick and choose the right words to let her wife down easy. Ashlyn prepared herself for rejection.

"Ash, I think it's a great idea. You would be perfect at it. Whatever I can do to help you, I'm on board." Ali said with a proud smile. She knew Ashlyn's calling was to improve the lives of others. Maybe this is what her whole life had led up to.

"Really?" Ash asked, a little skeptical that Ali was so accepting of her idea.

"Really. Really." Ali replied. 

An angry run with Jacob and a short, hopeful conversation with Ali were the foundational building blocks of a total health empire that Ashlyn would build that would focus on making all aspects of a person fit. 

It would also become a calling for Ashlyn. It brought a more focused approach to what Ashlyn had always ever wanted, which was to help people.

Ashlyn had found her place outside of soccer. She had discovered that she had a lot more left to offer.


	203. Best Friends

Ashlyn's eyes slowly blinked a few times before she stretched her arms and legs in the extra space her wife's absence provided. Ali had woken up hours ago. She had thought that her wife was starting to get a little sick and knew it probably had a lot to do with her lack of sleep since the twins were born. She wanted to give Ashlyn a chance to get some extra rest before her sickness turned into something worse.

Ash slowly twisted her lower back to try and stretch it out. She felt sore and stiff. She let out a tired groan as her body tried to find a comfortable position. Ashlyn heard movement in the room, and before she knew it, little Samuel's head popped up over the side of the bed.

"Hi Mama!" Sam said excitedly. "Mommy said to wait for you to wake up." 

Ash smiled at her sweet boy and tapped the empty space next to her. He climbed up and filled it. "Mama, I'm Uncle." Sam said and twisted a few strands of her messy hair. He was pretending to be like his Uncle Kyle.

"You're very talented, Bam." Ash said in an encouraging tone. "You wanna go find Mommy with me?" 

"Mommy is with the babies." Sam answered. He had waited as long as he could without waking his Mama. He spent some of that time with Ali and the twins and the rest of it playing with his Legos on the floor next to Ali and Ashlyn's bed.

"Let's go say hi." Ash said and sat up. She let Sam climb onto her back before standing up. Her foot found one of Sam's Legos and it took a lot of self-control not to cuss in front of her five year old.

"Mommy!" Sam cheered as the two found Ali. 

"Sweetheart, remember your baby brother and sister need you to be quiet." Ali reminded the excited boy.

Ali was sitting down feeding Jamie, while Bella slept in her crib. Ashlyn carried the wild five year old over to Ali and gave her wife a kiss. Sam squeezed his Mama's head and said, "I wanna kiss Mommy, too!" 

Ash lowered him down enough to give Ali a quick kiss, too.

"My sweet boy." Ali gushed. "Thank you for that." Ali turned her attention to her wife and said, "You should be taking it easy. You're gonna hurt your back."

"I'm ok." Ash said. Her voice sounded tired.

"Baby, you haven't been sleeping well. I know you're not feeling good. Please, don't overdue it." Ali said.

"Alex, you always worry too much. We have two babies. We're gonna be tired." Ash replied. She tried to set Sam down, but he held on tighter to her neck, refusing to let go.

"Sammy, let Mama put you down." Ali instructed.

"No! My Mama is a horse." Sam announced and pretended to be a cowboy with a lasso.

"Samuel, Mama is tired. Let her rest." Ali said.

"Alex, I told you not to worry. The Lone Ranger and I have got some bad guys to catch." Ash said with a big smile. "Ready, Lone Ranger Sam?" 

"Yee-up!" Sam answered excitedly. "Giddy up, Mama!" 

Ali watched her two favorite crazy people chase imaginary outlaws out of the room.

...

"Ok, Ash. I need you to take Lex to get a new coat. I'll take the twins and do the rest of the shopping. Do you think you can handle that?" Ali asked. 

Ash and Ali had the four youngest children and were in the parking lot at the mall. "Babe, I was born to handle this." Ash said confidently.

"Well, you also have Samuel." Ali said. She knew the little guy could sometimes slow things down with his mischief.

"Bam is easy. No worries, woman." Ash said.

Sam quickly repeated his Mama and said emphatically, "No worries, woman!" 

Ali gave her wife a look. She did not appreciate her son's use of the word, 'woman,' when addressing her. Ali had had this conversation with Ashlyn before, but with two babies in tow, this wasn't the time to remind her.

Ash knew what her wife was thinking and mouthed the word, 'sorry,' before unbuckling Sam from his car seat. He climbed onto her back and Lexi held onto her hand, ready to shop.

"Text me when you guys are done and we'll figure out where to meet up." Ali said. She had the twins in a double stroller and was ready to do some damage to their credit card. She was desperate to get her 'shop' on. This was their first real shopping trip since the babies were born.

"You got it, Babe." Ash replied.

"Got it Babe!" Sam yelled. The boy was feeling extra wired today. Ashlyn was gonna have her hands full.

...

Ash and Lex were sorting through a rack of winter coats while Sam hung off of Ashlyn like she was a jungle gym. He dropped his weight down, hung onto Ashlyn's neck and began to swing his legs from side to side. The momentum of swinging, and his dead weight was nearly choking her.

"Bam, you need to stop that." Ash said. She bent down enough for the boy to stand on his own. She pried his fingers off of her neck and let him drop.

"Mama, no!" Sam whined.

"Sam-Bam, I need to help your sister right now. Why don't you pick out a coat you think she might like." Ash said.

Sam didn't like that idea. But he had been trying to be a big boy ever since the twins were born. He nodded that he would obey his mother and started to browse around for the right piece of clothing for his big sister. 

"Mama," Lexi said. "What about this one?" She put the coat on and spun around slowly for Ashlyn to see.

"Looks good, Princess. But I don't think it's warm enough. Mommy will be mad if we don't get one exactly like she instructed." Ash said with a smile.

Lexi laughed. She knew exactly what her Mama was talking about. "Yeah. We better pick a good one." 

"You know it, girl." Ash said and gave her a high five. 

The two of them looked at several more coats and settled on a pink one with faux fur lining. It was sure to keep Lexi warm all winter.

Ashlyn was happy with their find. She scanned the area for Samuel, who had been unusually quiet for the past few minutes. She began to panic right before she heard her worst nightmare.

Samuel screamed for help.

"Mama! Help me! Help me!" Sam's voice was filled with fear. 

Ashlyn imagined the worst possible thing had happened. Someone had grabbed him and intended to hurt him.

"HELP!" 

"Sam, where are you?" Ash asked anxiously. 

"Mama, I'm stuck!" Sam cried out.

Ash took a huge breath and calmed her nerves. Her son wasn't in danger. He had gotten himself into a tight spot.

"Where are you, buddy? I'm right here. I'll help you." Ash said.

"I'm under here." 

"Under where?" Ash said and made herself laugh. She knew now wasn't the time for a joke so she kept it to herself.

"Under the coats."

Sam had crawled underneath one of the racks filled with coats. He was completely hidden. 

Ash knelt down on the floor and crawled around calling out for him. She listened to where his voice was coming from and found the fortress of coats that had captured him.

Ashlyn separated the clothes that were in the way and found her son's face, covered in tears. There was nothing funny about Sam's fearful eyes. She immediately stretched her arms out to hold him. 

He shook his head and said, "Mama, look."

One of Samuel's pant legs was caught on a medal prong. The poor guy really was stuck. Ashlyn easily freed him and let him crawl into her arms. She was gonna let him stay as close to her as he wanted for the rest of the day.

...

When Ali saw Ash, Lex, and Sam heading towards her and the twins, she knew right away that something wasn't right.

"What happened?" Ali asked and kissed her sad son's cheek.

"We had a few rough moments. He's fine. He's just getting over a little scare." Ash explained. 

Ali knew that her wife would go into more detail when they had a chance to talk without Samuel overhearing. But she couldn't help worry about him. Her sensitive son looked so sad.

The six of them had lunch at the food court and Sam stayed in Ashlyn's lap almost the entire time. He barely ate any of his chicken nuggets. Most of the time he kept his head pressed against Ashlyn's shoulder as his parents and big sister ate their lunch and talked.

When Bella started crying, Ali asked Ash to hold her. She nodded toward Sam and Ali ended up taking care of her. 

When Jamie started crying, Ash had no other option.

"Sam, can you sit next to Lex, so I can help your brother?" Ash said.

"No, Mama. You have to help ME!" Sam whined.

Lexi rolled her eyes at how immature her brother was acting.

"Bam, I need to help your baby brother." Ash said and set him down in a chair next to Lexi.

Sam pouted while watching his Mama try to soothe Jamie. After a few minutes he left his seat and begged Ashlyn to let him share her lap with his brother. 

Ash's heart couldn't say no to her sad son. She carefully helped him up and said, "You can only sit here if you're gentle and quiet."

Sam whispered with a smile, "Ok, Mama." He gently patted his little brother's arm and looked up for his Mama's approval.

"Very good." Ash affirmed.

Samuel's behavior was cute to Ashlyn and even to Ali, but Lexi thought he was spoiled and acting like a baby. 

She was not impressed.

...

"Mommy, what is Sam's problem?" Lexi asked Ali. 

The family had been home for several hours and he was still acting overly sensitive about every little thing.

"What do you mean?" Ali asked. The two of them were getting dinner ready for the rest of the family. 

"He cries too much!" Lex said, matter of factly.

Ali knew what her daughter meant. Her sweet little boy was very sensitive to begin with, but he was also having to get used to two new family members taking his place as the baby of the family. 

That was a big change.

"Sweetheart, he's five years old. He's a little boy." Ali said. She could tell that her daughter wasn't very sympathetic to her brother, so she added, "You cried a lot when you were his age, too."

"No way!" Lexi argued.

Ali laughed and assured the girl that she did. "Yes, way. You have grown up a lot since then. I think having your big brother around has really helped you. Maybe Sam needs his big sister to help him through this time." 

Lexi pursed her lips together and scrunched up her face in thought. She thoughtfully considered her mother's words. She took her responsibilities as a big sister very seriously.

...

"Mommy!" Sam cried. 

Both of his parents saw big tears starting to well up in his eyes. Lexi, who was sitting across the room, put down her marker and gave her brother her attention.

"What's wrong, baby?" Ali asked. Ashlyn had Jamie in her arms and Ali held Bella.

"Iz won't play with me." He said, using his nickname for his baby sister.

"What do you mean?" Ali asked. The babies were still too small to do anything. Ali wondered what the five year old was interpreting as a refusal to play with him.

"She won't hold my finger." He explained.

"Sweetheart, she's not trying to hurt your feelings." Ali said. "She doesn't know that's what you want her to do."

Sam stuck his index finger in Bella's face and said, "Hold my finger, Iz." Bella kept her hand in a fist and stared blankly at her brother.

Samuel was about to get more upset when he felt a tap on his shoulder and turned to find Lexi standing behind him. She held out her coloring book and said, "I'll play with you Sammy."

Samuel wiped at his eyes and said, "You will?" He asked. Lexi nodded. "Ok." He said. His voice still sounded sad because of his baby sister's rejection, but it only took a few moments for the room to fill with his laughter.

This was the beginning of a special bond between the two. Once Lexi began to look for ways to take care of her brother, it didn't take long for him to seek out her attention and company.

Their relationship wasn't always perfect. Like any normal sibling relationship, it had its stressful moments, but this was the day that things really turned a corner for them. 

This was the day that they became best friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next update for this story will be a multi chapter story line. So, you can expect to get a few chapter updates for this story in the near future.


	204. Worst Nightmare (Part One)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a FLASHFORWARD chapter.

"I'm looking for my husband, Jacob Krieger-Harris. He was just brought in by ambulance." A very pregnant Rachel said anxiously.

The woman at the reception desk typed quickly on her keyboard. "Can you spell the last name, please?"

Rachel spelled out her last name slowly. She was getting irritated with how robotic the woman behind the desk was acting. Her husband was somewhere in the building needing her and she didn't have the patience for someone to treat him like an insignificant task or check mark on a to-do list.

"Excuse me!" Rachel interrupted the woman's tapping. "I need to see him now!" She insisted.

"Miss, I'm very sorry. But you'll have to wait, I'm working as fast as I can." 

"I'm not a Miss I'm a Mrs. And I'm very sorry for treating you unkindly, but my husband who is supposedly the picture of perfect health, is here because he collapsed doing something he easily has done every day of his life. And now he's somewhere in this place. I don't know if he had a cardiac arrest, a respiratory problem, or something worse. I don't want him to be alone. PLEASE!" 

Rachel started to shake. The strength in her legs had disappeared. Before she hit the ground, she was caught by the strong arms of her brother-in-law, Samuel.

...

EARLIER THAT DAY

"Here you are." Rachel said and slowly plopped down on the couch next to Jacob. "I wondered where you were so early in the morning."

Jacob was mostly still asleep and yawned his response. "You kicked me out of bed last night."

"I did?" Rachel asked. She did not remember doing anything like that. "What'd you do? I'm sure I had a perfectly good reason." She joked.

Rachel started to gently rub her husband's back as she waited for his reply.

"I was coughing. You didn't want me to get you sick because of the baby." Jake answered. Rachel thought he looked a little pale.

She put the back of her hand on his forehead to see if he was warm. "You have a fever. How are you feeling now?"

"Fine." Jake lied. He had a game later that night that he didn't want to miss, and more importantly, he didn't want to worry his pregnant wife.

"You're such a liar." 

"No, I'm not." 

"I'm a doctor, Jacob. I think I can tell when you're sick." Rachel said. She leaned halfway down to rest part of her weight on top of him. It was her version of a hug in their awkward position. "I know you don't want to hear this, but I think you should stay home and rest."

"You're right...I don't want to hear that. And I'm not skipping soccer today." Jacob answered. 

"You know you're my worst patient, right?" 

"I've heard that a few times before." Jake replied. Except for Rachel, he hated doctors. It was ironic that he ended up marrying one.

"I gotta go take care of the kids. Do you want me to make you something to eat?" Rachel asked. 

She knew she wasn't going to change her stubborn husband's mind about taking it easy. She wasn't only a wife, she was also a mom. She had other humans to take care of. She was going to have to let Jake take care of himself. She didn't have time to argue.

"I'm not hungry." Jake answered.

"Of course you're not." Rachel replied sarcastically. She placed a kiss on his fevered forehead and left to tend to their children. 

...

"Hey Mom." Sam said as he answered his phone. 

He was finishing up an extra long day at his EMT job. Samuel had been working as an EMT for almost a year. He was waiting to get hired as a firefighter.

"Samuel, you sound tired." Ali said full of concern.

"That's cuz I am tired. What's up?" Sam replied. He dug into the pocket of his equipment bag and found a candy bar he had stashed. He took a bite and listened to his mother.

"I was wondering if you could stop by the house tonight for dinner. I miss you terribly." Ali answered.

"Umm, what time is dinner?" 

"Anytime you can make it." 

Sam checked his watch and did some quick math in his head. "If you don't mind I can come at 7pm. That will let me take a power nap beforehand."

"7 is perfect. Don't be late!" Ali said. 

She acted like she was teasing, but she knew there was a high chance her son would be late. She knew she should probably just plan for dinner to be at 7:30.

"Ok, Mom. Love you."

"Love you too. Be safe." Ali said and both of them hung up.

...

Jacob arrived early to their pre-game run through. His teammates found him leaning against his locker fast asleep.

"You feeling ok?" Someone asked and shook his shoulder to wake him.

"Uh, yeah. Just tired." Jake answered. He didn't want any more attention, so he started to change and promptly left to practice his shooting.

Jake felt like he was moving in slow motion. Before he knew it the rest of his team had joined him on the field and were going through their stretching exercises and light warm ups. Jacob felt like they were running circles around him.

He picked up his own pace, even though his legs were unsteady and he was dizzy. He jogged to a nearby ball, looking to send it into the goal, but his foot never made contact to shoot.

Jacob's body had fallen hard against the ground and looked completely lifeless.

...

"But Mom!" Jamie whined. "I'm so hungry. Why can't we just eat now?" 

"We're waiting for your brother to get here." Ali explained. Her teenage son was starving and Samuel was an hour late. 

"It's his fault he's late. Why can't we eat without him?" Jamie argued.

Ashlyn gave her wife a pat on the butt as she walked by and said, "Why don't you go hang out with Izzy? It'll take your mind off of your stomach." 

"She's talking to some loser on the phone." Jamie replied.

Ali's ears were on high alert at the sound of potential gossip. "Is he a loser because he's lame and weird or because he has a crush on your sister?" Ali asked.

"Same thing." Jamie joked and stole a brownie from a plate on the counter. He made a run for it when he saw his mother's disapproving face.

"Our son drives me crazy." Ali said. 

"He's just having fun." Ash said in defense of Jamie.

"No, not him. I'm talking about Sam. He promised he would be here." Ali said, with a hint of sadness in her voice.

Ashlyn closed the space between them and held Ali close. "Babe, he doesn't do it on purpose. You know that."

"Yeah, but I made tonight's dinner especially for him. He's not even thoughtful enough to call. I hate to admit it, but it hurts my feelings a little." Ali said.

"I'm sorry, Alex." Ash replied and let Ali rest her head on her shoulder. She held her there and rubbed her back for a few moments before saying, "I'm gonna call him." 

As Ash walked away towards the living room to grab her phone Ali followed and begged, "Baby, don't! I don't want him to feel bad."

"He's making YOU feel bad. I'm gonna tell him."

"Ash, please..."

Ashlyn didn't let her wife sway her. She called him. It rang four times and went to voicemail.

Ash sighed in frustration and said, "He must be asleep. He didn't answer." Ash was about to put her phone in her pocket when it rang.

Sam called back.

"Sam, where are you? Your mother is over here practically crying because you don't even have the decency to let us know when you're gonna stand us up!" Ash lectured. She didn't even give her son a chance to say hello.

Sam remained silent on the other end. If she knew where he was she wouldn't have snapped like that. Samuel almost told her off, but held in his own hurt in order to spare her feelings.

"I'm at the hospital." Sam said. His voice trembled and Ashlyn knew something was wrong.

"What's wrong?" Ash asked.

Ali picked up on the change in tone and began to worry. She tried to listen to her wife's conversation, but her mind wandered to every horrible scenario she could think of.

"We'll be there soon." Ash said and hung up.

"What is it?" Ali asked.

"It's Jake..."


	205. Worst Nightmare (Part Two)

Ali squeezed her wife's hand with supernatural strength as she tried to contain the worry consuming her. Ashlyn drove her and the twins to the hospital to meet Samuel and Rachel, and to find out if their oldest child was ok.

Ali and Ashlyn had gotten into a little argument before they left the house. Ali worried that the twins would be freaked out by the whole situation and wanted them to stay home. Ashlyn wanted everyone to be together. Due to the twins insistence to go along, Ali relented. She was not happy with her wife, but at a time like this petty things don't seem as important.

As soon as Ashlyn's Jeep was parked, Ali took off towards the entrance. Ashlyn would've liked to have gone inside as a family, but apparently Ali had different thoughts.

Ash and the twins jogged to catch up with Ali. They ended up joining her at the elevator. Sam had texted them the room number and directions on how to get there from the main entrance. When they found the room they found Jacob asleep in his bed and Lexi at his bedside holding his hand.

"Where is Sam and Rachel?" Ali asked her daughter before giving her a hug.

"She started having stomach pain. Sam is with her while she's being checked out." Lexi explained.

"How's he?" Ali asked and nodded towards her oldest son.

"He seems ok, but he's weak. He was awake a little while ago. The doctors are waiting for test results to try and figure out why he collapsed." Lexi answered.

"They say he's stable?" Ash asks.

"Yeah." Lexi replied.

Ash let out a shaky breath of relief and closed her eyes. She felt an anxiety attack coming, but over the years she had gotten much better at controlling them. 

Lexi looked to Ali to bring support to her Mama, but when she noticed that Ali's mind was elsewhere she left Jacob's side to embrace Ashlyn. The hug only lasted a short moment before Ash pulled away. Her entire body was noticeably shaking.

"I..um..I'm gonna check on Rachel." Ashlyn said and began to back away towards the door.

Ali was finally pulled out of her own worry and shock by her wife's familiar behavior. It had been a long time since Ashlyn's anxiety had taken hold of her, but the signs were unmistakeable.

After Ash had left the room, Ali excused herself to check on her. Ash had slid down the side of the wall next to the door and held her face in her hands. Her breathing was out of her control. She was gasping for air.

Ali squatted down in front of her and searched through her purse for Ashlyn's anxiety medication. "Baby, you need to sit up and breathe long, slow breaths." Ali encouraged.

Ashlyn was overwhelmed with fear for her son. She was afraid they were going to lose him. Seeing him in a hospital bed reminded her of when he was a boy and was diagnosed with leukemia. She knew she wasn't strong enough to lose him. 

"Ash, breathe. The doctors say he's stable." Ali said, trying to ease her wife's nerves.

Ashlyn did breathe. With her eyes closed tight she breathed slowly until her body had calmed down.

"Alex, they don't know what's wrong with him. How can they say he's stable?" Ash asked.

She was right. The only basis the doctors had to go on was the fact that his heartbeat was strong and he was still breathing. They didn't know anything else about his health status at the moment.

Ashlyn stood up and said, "I'm gonna find Sam and Rachel." She began to walk away from Ali when she felt Ali grip her forearm and pull her back towards her.

"Ash, wait!" 

Ash turned around and saw that her wife, who was calm only moments before, was in tears.

"What is it?" Ash asked. She pulled her wife in for a hug and waited for Ali to stop crying.

"I'm sorry I was a jerk to you earlier. I'm sorry if I've made things worse for you." Ali apologized.

Ashlyn rubbed her wife's back and kissed the side of her head before answering, "I'm sorry too. I love you. We'll get through this together." 

Ash kissed her wife on the lips and left to check on their daughter-in-law. They both knew that Jacob would want one of them with her and his unborn child. Even if he didn't, Rachel was a part of the family. Both of her parents-in-law loved her like their own daughter.

...

"Hey." Sam said as he left his seat and greeted his mother at the door.

Ashlyn gave him a quick hug and said, "Thanks for being here, Bam. Sorry about earlier." Ash felt the need to apologize for giving Samuel a hard time about not showing up for dinner. He was busy helping Rachel at the hospital.

"It's ok, Ma."

The two of them were interrupted by Rachel. She had stayed quiet as long as she could manage. "How's Jacob?"

Ashlyn took her son's seat next to Rachel's bed and held on to Rachel's hand. "He's stable. They don't know what caused all this."

"I'm so mad at myself." Rachel admitted. "I knew he was sick. I should've pushed harder for him to take it easy." 

As Rachel confessed her guilt she grimaced in response to the sharp pain in her stomach. She squeezed Ashlyn's hand for comfort and then said, "I can't even help him. I'm overwhelmed and I think I'm hurting our baby." 

Ashlyn knew she needed to end this line of thinking as soon as she could. Whatever happens from this moment on, she wanted to make sure Rachel didn't blame herself.

"You can't control everything. None of this is your fault. You need to try and stay calm." Ash encouraged. 

She almost felt like a hypocrite telling her daughter-in-law to stay calm when it was only a few moments ago that she had a melt down outside of Jacob's room.

"I feel like I could help speed things up if I wasn't stuck in this bed!" Rachel said. 

She had doctor privileges at that hospital and would have been able to use them to help her husband. She knew some of the staff and was confident that they would help her in any way that they could. She felt like she was so close to finding an answer for her husband, but her body wasn't cooperating.

"I need to see him." Rachel said with a small voice. "I just need to be with him."

"Can't they move you into the same room?" Ash asked.

Sam answered, "The equipment needed for her care is here. As well as the prenatal doctors. The baby is in distress. She needs to stay here." 

Ashlyn thought her son sounded too mature. He was a grown man and an EMT, but he would always be her little Sam-Bam, the other half of Team Awesome.

"Ok." Ash answered. She needed to find a solution to the separation. She knew both her son and his wife needed to be together for the sake of both of their health.

...

Jamie pushed his oldest brother in a wheelchair down the halls of the hospital. Under other circumstances he would've had a little fun with the opportunity to push his brother around, but this wasn't the time for fun.

Ashlyn had managed to talk Jake's doctor into letting him visit his wife. Jake was stable, but very weak. He had been hooked up to an IV and heart monitor, but they were more for precautionary reasons. 

As soon as Rachel saw her husband she started to cry. Jamie pushed his chair right next to her bedside and Ali made everyone clear out of the room to give the married couple some privacy.

"You're here!" Rachel cried. 

Jacob ignored his doctor's orders and got up out of his wheelchair to give Rachel a hug. 

"Doc says your blood pressure is too high." Jake said. "I'm guessing that's my fault."

"It's not." Rachel replied. She caressed Jacob's jawline and said, "You're so pale. How are you feeling?"

"Better now that I'm with you." He answered. He sat down on the edge of her bed and tried to act as healthy as possible.

"Jacob, what happened today?" 

"I just felt dizzy and lethargic. That's all I really remember." 

Rachel knew there was more to the story than what he was telling her. She could actually feel her blood pressure rising.

"Jacob, what about before that? What about your fever and the coughing? Tell me everything!" Rachel demanded. 

Jake could tell that she was getting dangerously upset. "Ok, I'll tell you but you need to try and relax."

He took her hand in both of his and said, "I've been feeling sick for a little while. I didn't want to worry you."

"How did that work out for you?" Rachel said sarcastically.

"Not great." Jake said. "Look, I'm sorry. I should've told you sooner. I just hate going to the doctor. They always give me shots and take my blood."

Jacob had a horrible fear of needles. He was ashamed of his phobia and tried to avoid letting anyone know. Rachel of course already knew, but no matter how much she tried to convince him that he didn't have anything to be afraid of he couldn't shake it.

"Right now, we could lose the baby..." Rachel said. She stopped herself before she said something she would regret. "I'm so scared." She confessed.

"Me too." 

Jacob embraced his wife and tried to quiet his own fears. He didn't know what to say. He knew his wife had the medical knowledge to know whether their situation was one to worry about or not. He knew if she was afraid, then she had good reason to be.

Jake let go of his wife and left her side. He promised he would be right back. When he left the room he was met by his entire family in the hallway. 

"I need to talk to Rachel's doctor." He said. He had to find out for himself what his wife and baby's condition were.

"Jacob!" Ali scolded. "You're not supposed to be walking around."

"Son, why don't you sit with Rachel and we'll get her doctor." Ash suggested. 

She wanted to cut off any potential lecture Ali might have for their son. Now didn't seem like the appropriate time for something like that.

"Yeah, ok. Thanks." Jacob said and left immediately to sit with his wife.

...

It took an amount of time that the entire family would describe as too long, but Rachel's doctor finally showed up. She explained Rachel's condition as honestly as she could.

"We're treating Dr. Krieger-Harris for preeclampsia. It's a serious condition that needs to be closely monitored. Both your baby and her life are at risk." 

"What? Rachel could die?" Jake asked. He never thought that was a possibility. He was completely devastated. 

He couldn't see a life worth living without her.


	206. Worst Nightmare (Part Three)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a FLASHFORWARD chapter.

"Jacob, that's not going to happen." Rachel promised.

Her doctor had just told Jake that her life was in danger and he was freaking out. She knew it was a possibility, but she truly believed it wouldn't happen. When she saw Jacob's reaction to the news, her instinct was to say whatever she could to comfort him. 

Her doctor could see what she was trying to do and tried to be as supportive as possible without lying.  
"We're going to do all that we can do to keep both your wife and baby safe. It's extremely important that we err on the side of caution." 

"What do we need to do?" He asked. "I want her to be as safe as possible."

"That's what I want too. Right now we need to do our best to keep her stress levels down. I spoke to your doctor earlier and he said that you need to be careful, as well. I think our best course of action is to make sure that both of you are cooperative with your treatment and committed to taking it easy. This is obviously a difficult situation, but you have to remember that your own health is going to be a big factor in one another's recovery. So both of you need to take care of yourself, before anything else."

The idea of putting themselves above the other was foreign to both Jacob and Rachel. That simply was not how they did things. 

Rachel spoke up, "What has Jacob's doctor said about his condition? The last I heard it was still unknown what caused all this."

The truth was that both Rachel and Jacob had a good idea of what had caused his recent health problems, but neither of them wanted to say it out loud. They didn't want it to be true.

Her doctor answered, "The tests are still inconclusive. We should know more soon."

...

While Jacob and Rachel slept, Ashlyn took the twins home to drop them off, take a shower, and pick up a few things to bring back to the hospital. Ali decided to return to Jake's room to check on her other children. 

"You two are still here." Ali said. She was somewhat surprised because Jake had left his room over an hour ago to join his wife. 

Lexi was studying in a chair in the corner and Sam was sitting on the floor asleep and leaning against his sister's legs.

"I tried to convince him to leave, but he refused. He sat his ginormous butt on my lap and threatened to squash me." Lexi explained with exasperation. "I managed to push him onto the floor, but he fell asleep trying to block me from leaving."

"Why didn't you leave after he fell asleep?" Ali asked her frustrated daughter.

"I couldn't leave him." She answered. Though Samuel annoyed her with his crazy ways, she would never stop wanting to take care of him. "I know he's really scared."

Lexi's admission of Samuel's fear made it seem more real to both her and Ali. "I guess I'm scared too." Lexi admitted. "Being close to Sam and Jake makes me feel safe."

"I think we're all afraid. Once we know more about what's going on with Jacob, we'll be able to move forward. Right now everything seems to be in limbo, or something." Ali said.

Lexi stared at the back of her brother's head while her mother spoke. She zoned out thinking about all the possible outcomes of Jacob and Rachel's health problems. 

Ali could tell her daughter was overwhelmed. "Listen Lex, why don't you let me sit with Samuel and you can go home and get some rest. I'll text your Mama and have her order some pizza or something for you and the twins." 

Lexi thought about her mother's offer and decided against it saying, "No thank you. I don't want to leave him or Jake." She moved her hand to rest on her little brother's shoulder and went back to studying.

Ali was beside herself about what to do. She hated seeing her children upset and feeling like she couldn't do anything about it.

Ali heard a loud yawn from her son. Samuel was waking up. When he felt his sister's hand on his shoulder he brought his own hand up to hold onto it. The sweet moment between the siblings was interrupted by Jacob's doctor.

When the doctor walked in he was thoroughly confused by the empty bed where his patient used to be.

"Umm..." He looked at the tablet in his hand that had Jake's electronic medical records on it. "Mr. Krieger-Harris?" He asked and looked at Sam.

"Don't look at me." Sam answered. Lexi kneed him in the back to encourage him to behave, and Ali took the opportunity to explain the situation to the doctor.

After the doc was caught up on his patient's whereabouts Ali asked, "What's wrong with Jacob? What did the test show?"

"I'm sorry ma'am, but I can only discuss that with him." The doctor answered. 

Lexi pushed Samuel forward to get enough space to stand and said, "We'll take you to him." 

Lexi was the most level-headed of the group and knew she needed to step in to help her family. Ali and Sam just walked behind them and let Lexi do all the talking. 

Once they had arrived to the room the doctor asked for privacy. Ali, Lex and Sam stood outside the closed door in a huddle. Sam positioned himself in the middle so that he could put an arm around both his mom and sister. 

Ali frantically called her wife to fill her in on what was happening.

...

"Hey, Babe." Ash answered her wife's call. 

She was in the middle of bathing her grandchildren. Rachel's dad had dropped them off so that he could visit his daughter and son-in-law at the hospital.

"Baby, can you come back soon?" Ali asked.

Ashlyn gave both her four year old granddaughter and two year old grandson a bath toy to play with. She dried her hands and took her phone off of speaker. 

"What's wrong?"

"The doctor is in talking to Jacob and Rachel right now. I just know it's bad news. We need you here...I need you here." Ali said.

Ashlyn tried to think fast of how to solve the problem of distance between her and her wife. 

"Alex, stay calm. Are Lex and Sam with you?"

"Yes, but I need YOU."

"I know." Ash said. She watched her grandchildren smile and heard them giggle as they splashed water at one another. Their innocence was truly beautiful at a time like this. "I'll call Annie. Once I get the little ones dried and dressed, Izzy and Jamie can handle watching them until she gets here. Don't worry. I'll be there soon."

"Thank you. I love you." 

"I love you, too. Can you put Lex on the phone, please?" Ash asked.

Ali didn't answer, she just held the phone out to her daughter and then leaned fully into her son. Sam was able to hold her steady against his strong frame.

"Hey Mama." Lex said and walked a few feet away from her mom and brother.

"Hey, Princess. Can you watch over your Mom until I get there? Maybe take her to get some coffee or something from the vending machines to distract her. She's gonna worry herself to death." Ash said.

"Between Sam and I we've got it covered." Lexi promised.

Ash knew she had to get back to bath time duty, but she didn't want to disconnect from her family at the hospital. 

For some reason she knew that once she hung up, her family's world was going to fall apart.


	207. Worst Nightmare (Part Four)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. This is a FLASHFORWARD chapter.
> 
> 2\. This is a sad one. I purposely tried to omit some specific details for the sake of not being too overwhelmingly sad. If you feel you need more information, let me know. I can include more details in the next chapter.
> 
> 3\. As always, thanks for reading.

Ashlyn arrived at the hospital just in time to watch doctors and nurses rush into her daughter-in-law's room. Her family was exiting the room, while Sam held Jake in a bear hug and dragged him out.

"Let go of me!" Jake said and fought against his younger brother. He wanted to stay by his wife's side.

Sam easily overpowered him. Jacob was in a weakened state due to his sickness. Jake's doctor had just informed him and his wife that he was battling cancer for the second time in his life. The announcement caused Rachel's blood pressure to rise dangerously high. The machine monitoring her began to beep like crazy. That's when the doctors and nurses barged into the room.

Rachel and the baby were both in distress.

...

The room was silent, except for a tapping noise from Samuel's foot against the floor. He was sitting in a corner trying his best to keep from crying. He needed to be strong for his family. Usually that duty belonged to his big brother, but Jacob had completely shut down.

Ali sat next to Jake on his bed. She caressed his cheek, straightened his hair, and rubbed his back. She was trying to be his mom. She was trying to bring him comfort. Jacob was laying on his side with his back turned towards Ali. 

His wife had been taken away for an emergency C-section. Her doctor had determined that they couldn't wait any longer to deliver the baby without putting Rachel's life in even more danger.

He hadn't spoken since the doctor informed him that his baby was stillborn and Rachel was barely holding on to life. The separation between them felt farther than he could manage. His heart was broken over the death of his child, and he couldn't handle losing his wife, too.

"Sweetheart, your Mama is with Rachel. Her dad is there, too. I know you're worried about her." Ali said softly. She was trying to find some way to comfort him. 

Lexi had volunteered to stay with Ashlyn until she had some news about Rachel's health. She sat next to her mother outside of Rachel's room, along with Rachel's dad, and waited. Once she was given the information she was looking for, she left to share it with her brother.

Lexi saw her mom trying desperately to comfort her big brother. She hurried to his side and said the only words that really could comfort him.

"Rachel is ok." 

...

Ashlyn held on to one of Rachel's hands and Tom, Rachel's Dad, held on to the other. Rachel was still unconscious from surgery and hooked up to a bunch of different machines, but her doctor said she was stable and safe.

Ashlyn stayed with her until she woke up. She assured Rachel that Jacob was ok and that he wished he could be with her, but his doctor had ordered him to stay in his bed. 

She told her that she was proud of her. She told Rachel that her son was so blessed to be married to her, and that her grandchildren had a wonderful mother. She reminded her that her family loved and needed her. She promised her that there was a bright future ahead for her, her husband, and their children.

Rachel listened intently. She took every word to heart. She mourned the loss of her baby, but knew she needed to be strong for the rest of her family. It was impossible for her to move on from mourning the terrible loss, but it was also impossible for her to ignore the rest of her family's needs.

Her husband was very sick. He was a man of great strength and character, but she knew a side of him that was vulnerable and broken. They both depended on one another's strength. Rachel decided to put her own needs aside and focus on her husband.

...

A light knock proceeded Ashlyn pushing Rachel in a wheelchair to Jacob's bedside. Once Rachel was close enough to grab her husband's hand she said, "Jacob, I'm here." 

Jacob opened his eyes and spoke for the first time since hearing the news of his son's death. "Are you ok?" He asked. 

"I am." Rachel lied.

"I'm so sorry!" Jacob said. He started to cry and the rest of the family took that as their cue to leave.

Samuel was the slowest of the group. He watched for a few moments as Rachel gingerly stood up out of her wheelchair and sat next to her husband. She ran her fingers through his hair and whispered words of encouragement to him. 

Sam snuck out and watched his mother fall apart in his Mama's arms. Lexi sat against the wall and cried. He wished he could do more to help. 

He felt completely powerless.

...

"No you're not!" 

Ashlyn and Ali heard Lexi whisper yell at Samuel and then punch him in the thigh. The two were having a quiet, but heated, conversation as they waited to rejoin Jake and Rachel in the room. It had been about thirty minutes and they could still hear them both crying through the closed door. 

"What is the matter with you two?" Ali scolded.

"Nothing." Sam quickly said and slightly pushed Lexi to show his displeasure with her inability to keep their conversation private.

"Not nothing." Lexi said. "Sam said he's gonna leave and go to work. I told him he's not allowed. He has to stay here for Jake."

"Will you shut up!" Sam said. He didn't want to get a lecture from his parents.

"Sweetheart, we need you here." Ali replied.

"No, you really don't." Sam said sadly. "At least I can actually be of some help if I go to work. I'm useless here."

"Samuel..." Ali said. She was about to let her son know that he was helping the family just by being present, but her wife interrupted her.

"Bam, you can go if you want. We will call you if anything changes." Ash said.

Both Lexi and Ali looked at her like she had two heads. They couldn't believe that she would be ok with Sam leaving.

Ash saw her wife's face and quietly explained, "People deal with things differently." 

Ali knew Ash was right. Sam couldn't sit still and wait around without risking him falling apart completely. They had already seen their normally active and happy boy sulk and try to hide the fact that he was crying and overwhelmed.

"You're right." Ali admitted out loud for Lexi's sake. "You're absolutely right." She turned toward Sam and told him, "Let them know that we may need you at a moment's notice."

"I will." Sam promised. He stood up from the seat on the floor he had taken next to his sister. He looked down towards Lexi and tried to give her a small smile as a peace offering, but Lexi was too upset to return the sentiment. 

He sighed loudly and patted Lex on the head before giving his parents a hug. Samuel stopped to give Tom a hug, too. 

And then he left.

...

"I hate it." Ash said. 

She held her wife's hand as they walked around their neighborhood. Ali suggested that they take a walk and get some fresh air. What she really wanted was for her wife to decompress a little before spending time with their twins and grandchildren.

"What do you hate?" Ali asked.

"I hate leaving him." 

The last time Jake was dangerously ill and hospitalized, was when he was a boy. Ash and Ali made sure he was never alone. Now that he is a grown man, and has his wife with him, the situation is different. But Ashlyn still felt guilty about leaving him.

"Baby, I hate leaving him too, but there's nothing we can do. Rachel is there. He's ok. She'll make sure of it." Ali replied.

"But how can we just go on with life knowing that he's hurting and even worse, might be dying. I can't do it." Ash said. 

Ali felt Ashlyn's hand shaking in her's. "Ashlyn, he's not going to die."

"You don't know that! The doctor said this time the leukemia is super aggressive. We're gonna lose him."

"Don't you dare say that!" Ali yelled. She stopped in her tracks and watched as her wife panicked. 

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry."

"We can't afford to think that way. I'm not gonna lose my child!" Ali said.

"Alex, we don't have a say in what happens. Look at what happened to..." Ashlyn let her statement hang unfinished in the air. Maybe it was better to believe that Ali could will her son to stay alive.

But Ali knew what she was going to say. She was going to say that Jake and Rachel had no control over their baby's life, and neither did they. Their oldest 'baby' was fighting for his life again, and they may have used up all their prayers and luck the first time around. 

Maybe this time, it wouldn't be enough.


	208. Worst Nightmare (Part Five)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a FLASHFORWARD chapter.

Three weeks had passed since Jake's diagnosis. Rachel was still physically sore from surgery, but she was able to move around without hindrance. She spent most every day at the hospital by her husband's side. Between her Dad, Ash and Ali, and Annie, their children were taken care of.

Every day she would leave for a few hours to spend time with the children and take care of whatever errands she had. She would always make sure another family member was with Jake during the time she was gone.

Lexi ended up dropping out of school for the semester. It was just too much for her. She couldn't concentrate, knowing that her big brother was so close to death's door. Every time she tried to study or go to class it was no use. Her mind always went back to Jacob.

Samuel worked to try and get away from reality. His family hadn't seen much of him and they were beginning to worry that he was struggling more than he was willing to admit.

What they didn't know was that he spent every night sitting and talking with his unconscious brother during the night while Rachel slept. Sometimes Jake would wake up for a few minutes and the two brothers would smile and joke around. But Jacob's strength was failing and he couldn't manage to stay awake for very long. 

Rachel could've told Ali and Ash about Sam's faithful visits, but they never asked. The Krieger-Harris family didn't want to trouble her with anything outside of the subject of her husband. 

She had enough to deal with.

...

"Mama?" Bella said. 

She was sitting in the back seat with her brother, Jamie. The daily routine since Jake was hospitalized was to pick up the twins from school and take them straight to see their oldest brother.

"What's up, Izzy?" Ash asked. She had one hand on the wheel and the other stretched out across the center console, resting on her wife's thigh.

"Can we take Rachel some flowers? I think it would be nice."

Ali answered for her wife, "We can do that but we can't take them into Jake's room. We'd have to leave them outside for her to take home later."

"Why don't we have some delivered to the house?" Ash suggested. "What do you think, Iz?"

"Yeah, that sounds good!" She said. "I just want to make her happy."

"That's so sweet, Bella. You and I will pick some out later." Ali promised. She turned around and faced the twins in the back seat and asked Jamie, "How are you feeling, sweetheart?"

Jamie had woken up that morning with a low grade fever. He claimed he felt fine, but if there was even a hint of sickness he was gonna have to wait outside Jake's room during the visit.

"I feel ok." Jamie said. He was telling the truth. He felt completely fine.

"Just in case..." Ali said and pulled out a thermometer from her purse. "...put this under your tongue."

Ashlyn couldn't help but laugh.

"What?" Ali asked.

"Nothing, babe. You're just too much." Ash answered.

"Does 'too much' mean that I care about keeping all of my children healthy? Because if so, then YES, I'm too much." Ali answered with sass.

"Yes, babe. That's exactly what it means." Ash replied dutifully. She wasn't about to argue with her wife. 

...

It ended up that Jamie still had a slight fever. He waited outside Jake's room while his family visited. He was staring down at his phone screen while playing a game, when he noticed a man's figure approaching from the corner of his eye. He looked up and got a glimpse of the well-built man. 

"Sam!" He walked toward him and when Sam realized what was happening he stopped and turned around, trying to make a run for it. "Sam, wait!" 

Jamie caught up with his brother and stopped his awkward exit by cornering him. 

"Sam, what's up? Why are you leaving?" 

"Sorry, little dude. I um...I forgot I have to work." Sam lied.

"It looks like you just came from work." Jamie said. His brother had his EMT uniform on and his shirt was untucked and unbuttoned, revealing his white t-shirt underneath.

Samuel couldn't think of a good excuse.

It didn't matter anyway once they heard the voice of their mother.

"Samuel Christopher!" Ali scolded. "Where have you been?" 

Jamie explained, "He said he has to go to work."

"Samuel?" Ali asked. The explanation didn't fit the sight in front of her. She was hurt by her son's absence and worried about his well-being. Sam couldn't hide any longer.

"I said I had to go to work, but...I don't. Sorry, JP." Sam said, using one of the many nicknames he had given to his little brother.

"Jamie, honey. Can you give your brother and I a chance to talk alone, please?" Ali asked. She had serious business to talk about with Samuel and knew it would be better if there weren't extra ears around.

"Ok." Jamie said. 

He hated being treated like a kid, but knew it wouldn't do any good to argue. He left the two adults alone to deal with whatever was going on between them.

"Samuel, you have broken your Mama's heart! Where have you been?" Ali asked.

"I've been working."

"You have not been working so much that you can't stop by and check on your family. How do you think your brother would feel if he knew that you've been neglecting all of us?" Ali accused.

"I haven't been neglecting anyone." Sam defended himself. He was trying not to show how hurt he was by the accusation.

"Samuel, just last night your Mama started crying thinking about how you've abandoned us and have gotten all wrapped up in your work. I have news for you son, THIS is what matters." She gestured towards him, her, and pointed to Jacob's room. "Family is the most important thing. I can't believe you have changed so much. I never would've expected this from you!"

Ali was on a roll. 

"You don't know what you're talking about." Sam finally responded. "Anyways...I gotta go." Sam started to leave and then turned back, "Tell Ma I'm sorry."

Ali just shook her head as she watched her son leave his family behind.

...

"I can't believe he just left like that." Ash said sadly. Her wife filled her in on all the details.

"I almost didn't tell you, but I knew you would want to know. Besides, Jamie is the family blabber mouth." Ali laughed. She was trying to get a smile from her wife, but had failed.

"I just can't believe he left." Ash repeated. 

She zoned everything else out and focused only on the absence of her son. It grieved her to think that he was avoiding them. They used to be so close. She couldn't understand it.

"Baby, why don't you let me take you out tonight? We'll order pizza for the twins and then we can have a little alone time. I think we could both use a little break from everything."

Ashlyn blinked back tears and wiped at her eyes to make sure none had spilled out. She took a deep breath and released it as if to move past her feelings of abandonment and rejection from her son and one time BFF. 

She swallowed hard and said, "Let's do it."

...

"Baby, do you remember our first meeting with Jacob?" Ali asked. She didn't even wait for her wife to answer before saying, "We brought him here."

Ashlyn shook her head to show that she remembered.

"The social worker thought we were joking when we said we wanted to meet at a steak house." Ali laughed. "Our boy sure did eat a lot, didn't he?" 

"Yup." Ash answered shortly. Ali was trying hard to get her to open up, but she was fighting it.

"Sweetheart, please don't shut me out." Ali begged.

"I'm not trying to." Ash said, feeling guilty for making things difficult for her wife. "I'm just worried about Sam." Ash admitted.

"I know." Ali moved from her side of the table and took a seat next to her wife. She knew Ashlyn wouldn't want to make a scene, so she nonchalantly slipped her arm around Ash's back and let her hand rest on her hip.

"Something's going on. I know it." Ash said. "He wouldn't be acting like this unless something was going on. I just wish he would tell us. Maybe we could help him."

Ashlyn was overcome with worry for their son. 

"Ash, we'll talk to him. He can't avoid us forever." 

"I don't understand why he would even want to avoid us to begin with. He's always been so open. I guess it hurts that he won't talk to me." Ash confessed. 

Of course Ali already knew all of this. She urged her wife to talk more for Ashlyn's benefit than her own. She knew that Ash needed to share her heart before she could start feeling better.

...

By the time the couple returned home, Ash had to admit that her heart felt lighter. Ali knew just what she needed. The women walked in holding hands and making plans for their next date night. Their conversation came to a halt due to a grumpy teenager.

"Mom, I'm mad at you." Jamie declared. 

"Excuse you!" Ashlyn said, in defense of her wife.

"What's wrong, honey?" Ali asked.

"You made me and Bella share a pizza. I had to eat part of her veggie side. It was disgusting." The boy complained.

"Sweetheart, your sister only eats one or two pieces. I'm not going to buy an entire pizza just for her." Ali explained.

"Mom...Mom...I'm basically a man now. I need more food. I shouldn't have to share with my sister." Jamie rationalized. 

"Ok Mr. Man, I'll think about getting you a whole pizza next time." Ali promised. 

"Thanks." He said and was about to make his exit when he heard his mother clear her throat. "Oops." He said. 

He knew the rules of the house. Hugs and kisses were not to be forgotten. He gave both his parents a hug and kiss to welcome them home and then searched through the refrigerator for something more to eat.

...

Ash, Ali, and the twins knocked lightly on Jake's door and entered at Rachel's greeting. This time she wasn't alone with her husband. Both Lex and Sam were there. 

Sam sat in the corner and let his sister and sister-in-law have the seats by Jake's bed. Ali eyed her son and said, "I didn't expect to see you here."

Rachel was confused by the tone of resentment in Ali's voice. She figured she must've been out of the loop regarding family gossip since she was so consumed with her husband's health and taking care of their children. When in fact, it was Ali and Ashlyn who were out of the loop.

Sam didn't respond to his mother's comment. He just put his head down and tried his best to disappear. Ashlyn noticed that her son was hurting. It didn't matter what he had done, she could never bear to see Samuel unhappy.

Sam noticed Ash's watchful eye and excused himself from the room. He couldn't take feeling like he was a disappointment. Ashlyn followed him out. 

"Sam-Bam." Ash said once she closed the door to Jake's room.

Samuel stopped. He figured he was about to get a lecture, but instead he got a hug.

"I just wanted to tell you that I miss you." Ash said. "You can always talk to me. I'm here for you. I hope you know that."

Sam exhaled loudly and pulled away. He walked a few feet away from his mother and then began to explain. "I haven't abandoned anyone. That's what Mom said. I haven't done that."

"So what's been going on?" Ash asked. It was clear that her son was bothered by the accusation. 

"I've been taking extra shifts because I need to save money." 

"Do you need money? All you have to do is ask." 

"No, I mean, sort of." Sam was frustrated. He couldn't explain without showing his hand. He was determined not to say anything until it was absolutely necessary.

"Bam, I don't understand. Let me help you." 

"I don't need your help!" He snapped and then realized his statement came out more aggressive than he meant it to. "I mean...that sounded wrong. I'm not in trouble, or anything." Sam tried to explain.

Ashlyn walked close to her son. He was upset and she hated it. "Sam, I won't tell anyone."

"Well..." Sam took a calming breath and said, "I'm trying to save up money...just in case."

"Just in case?" Ash asked. She didn't understand what her son was referring too.

"Jake's doctor said he's only getting worse. I wanted to be able to help Rach and the kids...in case..."

Sam didn't have to say another word. He had taken it upon himself to watch after his big brother's family if he died. 

Ashlyn understood.

"Sam, you don't have to worry about that. Between Jake and Rachel they are well off. Besides, your Mom and I would be around to help, too." Ash said.

"I know, but he's my brother." That was the only explanation Sam thought mattered. He would step up if Jake needed him. 

He would do whatever he could to make sure his brother's family was taken care of.

He was willing to do anything to help his family.

...

Rachel sat next to her husband and used her finger to trace the letters 'I LOVE YOU' in Jacob's palm. He was asleep and, as far as she knew, unable to feel it, but she had to remind him of her love somehow. 

She was waiting for his doctor to discuss the next course of action to take. Nothing seemed to be helping Jake. If anything, the treatments were only making him weaker. 

"Dr. Krieger-Harris..." Jake's doctor greeted Rachel as soon as he entered the room. "...I assume you've already concluded that your husband's treatment isn't helping." He said.

"Yeah. It's obvious. What do you recommend? I've done some of my own research, but I would really appreciate your wisdom on this." Rachel said.

"You probably already know my answer." 

"Bone marrow transplant?"

"Yeah. The good news is we already have a donor lined up." The doctor replied.

"What? How is that possible?" Rachel asked, completely stunned.

"I thought you knew. I assumed you were the one who initiated everything. A week ago a young man approached me and offered to get tested. He said he was your husband's brother." The doc explained.

"Samuel..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will probably be one or two more parts to this story line. After this is done I'm gonna do a fun chapter just to lighten things up a bit. I hope you all are having a great weekend. Thanks for reading.


	209. Worst Nightmare (Part Six)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a FLASHFORWARD chapter.

"Why didn't you say something?" Rachel asked.

Samuel was sitting across from her, with Jake asleep in his hospital bed in between them.

"I didn't want to assume the worst." Sam answered. "I didn't want to upset you."

Earlier that day Rachel had been informed that Samuel had already volunteered and been tested to be a bone marrow donor for Jacob. 

"What made you get tested?" Rachel asked.

"One of the guys I work with had leukemia when he was a kid. His older brother was a donor for him. With the way things were going, I figured it would be better to be prepared." Sam replied. 

Rachel was speechless. She wasn't surprised. Samuel was always doing things for other people, and he always did them in his own way. 

Sam noticed his sister-in-law's astonishment and said, "It's not a big deal. Jake would do it for us if he could."

Something about Sam's answer struck Rachel as a little odd. "For US?" 

"Oh yeah, Lex got tested too. I guess I didn't mention that before." Sam said calmly. 

It was as if it was nothing, but to Rachel it was everything.

"You two are always conspiring." Rachel said with a smile. 

Samuel liked to do good deeds and acts of kindness, and he liked to do them in secret. But his older sister was his voice of reason. Many times if his idea was a good one, she would insist on helping him. This was one of those times.

"Conspiring? Nah. She's just always trying to copy me." Sam joked.

"You are such a liar!" Lex said. 

They hadn't noticed that she was standing at the door. Sam acted like a little boy who was caught with his hand in the cookie jar. With his head down he stood up to let his sister sit down, and waited for her to approach before giving her a hug and kiss. 

"You look so pretty today, Lex." Sam said, hoping that he could charm his way out of trouble.

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever." Lexi said, squinting her eyes disapprovingly. 

He hugged her one more time but lifted her up and gave her a shake as he jokingly begged, "Lex, pleeeeeeeease forgive me!"

"Put me down before I throw up on you." Lexi said. 

Sam set her down and moved to his chair in the corner. Rachel immediately asked, "Are you sick?" 

The whole family knew not to visit Jake if they were sick, but Rachel still wanted to make sure.

"No, I ate too much at dinner." Lex explained.

Sam, acting like a child, chimed in, "Princess Lexi had a date." 

Rachel's face lit up in a smile, "Really?" She always thought her sister-in-law worked too hard and needed to make time for other things besides school. 

"Thanks a lot, Samuel!" Lexi scolded.

"Well?" Rach asked. She wanted to know details.

Lexi wanted to avoid the subject. "So...how's Jacob doing?" She asked. 

Rachel thought about pushing for more answers, but then she remembered the wonderful thing that Lexi and Sam had done. She figured Lex deserved a free pass to get out of an awkward conversation. Actually she figured Lexi deserved a lot more than that. 

...

"Why is it so quiet?" Ali asked. 

She was making breakfast for her wife and the twins. Bella was helping her in the kitchen when Ali noticed the unusual calm in the house.

"Mama and Jamie are still asleep." Bella replied.

With all of the other children grown, the wild ones of the house were much less in number...and much quieter. However, it was rare for it to be so quiet in the morning. 

"They both have to be up!" Ali handed her daughter the spatula she was using to make the eggs, and marched herself upstairs to awaken the sleepy heads. 

It took quite a bit of effort on Ali's part, but she managed to wake her wife and son. She instructed them to hurry and get ready. She could tell immediately that Ashlyn was going to be a grumpy handful for the day.

Ali rejoined Bella in the kitchen and said, "I don't know why it seems like such a big surprise every morning to those two that they need to wake up. And don't tell her I said this, but your Mama is worse than all of you kids combined."

Bella laughed and nodded in agreement. "At least today she has an excuse. She stayed up all night helping Jamie with his science project." Bella said. "I had mine done since last Thursday." She bragged.

"I didn't know that?" Ali confessed.

Ashlyn joined the conversation she had overheard as she stumbled groggily towards the coffee maker. "You fell asleep early last night. YOUR son told me at midnight that he had a huge project due that was worth a third of his grade." Ash explained. 

"Why didn't you wake me up?" Ali asked. She thought she would be able to help. She could have at least been a supportive wife and mother and made them snacks.

"Because there wasn't a need for both of us to be miserable." Ash answered. She took her seat at the table and took a sip of coffee with her eyes closed. She was close to falling asleep sitting up.

"Baby, you're so sweet." Ali gushed and kissed her wife's cheek before putting a plate of breakfast in front of her.

Jamie joined the group looking frazzled. The poor kid had bloodshot eyes and messy hair. Ali instructed him to sit down and relax. He was a ball of nerves. Ali always worried about him because he showed signs of anxiety and other emotional issues. He tended to take after Ashlyn in that way. 

However, it was much more manageable due to the the difference in home life he had compared to Ashlyn growing up. Both Ash and Ali were understanding of his needs and did all they could to help him.

"Jamie, you shouldn't put yourself in this situation. You have to control the things you can control." Ali said.

This was a saying that she said to Ashlyn too. She learned that if you take care of things that can trigger anxiety before they become an issue, you have a much better chance of controlling it.

"I know! I forgot!" Jamie replied in frustration. Ali was always trying to remind him not to procrastinate, but he couldn't help it. It came way too easily for him.

Ali was going to go into full on lecture mode when she saw her wife's head fall forward. Ashlyn had fallen asleep, while sitting up. Ali's mood changed instantly. Her poor wife was a mess.

Ali rescued the hot mug of coffee that her wife was holding. She knew it was moments away from being spilled. She leaned down just enough to kiss the top of Ashlyn's head. 

Ali stood behind her and adjusted her head so that it was leaning back against her. She let her hands rest on Ashlyn's shoulders and lightly massaged her tight muscles. 

Ali was about to pick up where she left off with Jamie when she heard two familiar voices echoing from the stairwell. Lexi and Samuel were giving each other a hard time, as usual, as they made their way downstairs. 

"You're such an idiot." Lexi said. She hit her brother with a book that she had in her hands. 

Sam blocked the attack with his forearm and picked her up. He threw her over his shoulder and proceeded to leave with her flailing her legs all the way. 

The two hadn't noticed that they had an audience. Ali loudly cleared her throat to get their attention. Sam put his sister down and the two of them were greeted by judgmental faces. 

Except for Ashlyn...Ashlyn was asleep and dreaming about puppies.

"What are you two doing here?" Ali asked. "Do you sneak in on a regular basis? I can't believe you didn't even say hello."

"Sorry Mom, stupid Lex wanted to find a book. We had to search the attic for it." Sam explained. 

He helped himself to some bacon from Ashlyn's plate. Ali slapped his hand and said, "That's Mama's breakfast!"

"What?" Sam complained as he shook his hand to get rid of the sting. "She's not eating it." He snuck another piece and quickly moved behind Lexi for protection. 

Ali shook her head disapprovingly at Samuel and shifted her attention to her daughter, "Lexi, why do you need that book?" 

Lexi had one of the books from when she was little. After the twins had reached a certain age where bedtime stories were no longer necessary, Ash stored all the old children's books in the attic. They had taken a few down for when Jake's kids come over, but most of them were collecting dust in a box.

Lexi got a little sad when she finally answered her mother's question. "Jake used to read this to me when I would have bad dreams. I thought maybe it would be special if I read it to him now. I know it sounds dumb." 

Now Ali wanted to cry. Her children, though a little wild, were 100% wonderful. 

"You should've said something." Ali said. She gestured for her daughter to come to her. She couldn't leave her spot as her wife's pillow.

After an emotional hug, Sam rolled his eyes and finished the rest of his little sister's breakfast. Bella wasn't a big eater, and she was more than happy to share with her big brother. 

"You two never tell me anything." Ali complained.

Lexi kicked her little brother's leg under the table. Sam was practically shoveling Bella's breakfast into his mouth. Her foot made contact with his shin and got his attention.

With a mouthful of eggs he said, "What?!"

"You should tell Mom about...you know what..." Lexi said.

"Lexi, I never know what you're talking about. You should know that by now. What?" Sam replied. 

"Tell her about what we talked about last night with Rachel...about Jacob." Lexi said. She felt like she had to spell it out for her clueless brother.

Sam furrowed his brow in thought and then it hit him. "Ohhhh." 

Once he realized what his sister was talking about he was able to return to eating.

"Well?!!!" Ali asked. Her kids were experts at driving her crazy. 

"What?" Sam asked.

Lexi rolled her eyes and said, "Tell her before she loses her mind." 

"Ohhhh. Sorry. I forgot what we were talking about." Sam said with a smile. "Me and Jake are gonna do a bone marrow thing." Sam said and went back to his breakfast. 

Ali didn't really catch what her son was saying. It took Lexi's superior communication skills to make things clear. 

Once Ali had comprehended the situation she left her station as Ashlyn's pillow and let her wife's head fall backwards, causing her to wake up in a startled state. 

Ali had rushed over to her son and practically suffocated him with a hug. She felt that Samuel might be the answer that she had been praying for. Her heart began to fill with hope for her oldest son's chances at being healthy again.

Poor Ashlyn looked on at the scene and had no idea what was going on. All she knew was that someone had eaten her bacon.


	210. Worst Nightmare (Part Seven)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a FLASHFORWARD chapter.
> 
> It contains reminiscent memories from chapter 90 and 150.

Ashlyn softly knocked on her youngest son's bedroom door and listened hard for an answer. When one didn't come she slowly opened the door.

Today was the day. The whole family was supposed to meet at the hospital to support Jake and Sam during the bone marrow transplant procedure. Ali was in super mom mode and had sent Ashlyn up to check on Jamie. She assumed he had slept through breakfast. 

When Ashlyn entered his room she saw his form completely covered by a blanket. She shook her head and mumbled to herself, "Ali was right." referring to her prediction that he was still asleep.

Ash sat next to him and leaned against the headboard of his bed. She pulled the comforter down enough to reveal his head. She gently massaged the back of his head and said, "Gotta get up, Jame." 

No reply.

She shook him a little to wake him up and there was still no response. 

"Jamie..." She said and used a little more force to shake him awake. This time she tried to roll him over towards her, so she could see his face. As she tried to move him, she felt him resist her efforts. "James Powell, what the heck is going on?"

Jamie gave up fighting and turned to face his Mama. Ashlyn immediately saw his red and glossy eyes and knew he was upset. 

"What's wrong, son?" Ash asked. She tried to flatten his hair that was sticking up from the previous night's sleep.

"I'm scared." He answered.

Ashlyn placed her hand over his chest to try and calm him down. She easily felt his heart racing beneath her palm. She knew they were in for a rough morning if she couldn't get him to settle down.

While Ash searched for the right words to say, Ali interrupted her thoughts. 

"What are you two doing in here?" Ali scolded. "We gotta go!"

She had walked in on what looked like Ash and Jamie just lazily hanging out during an intense time for the family. She needed them to get moving if she was going to stay sane through the difficult day ahead.

"Alex." Ashlyn said with a stern voice to let her wife know she was serious. "We will meet you there." 

Ali was about to object when she noticed their son. He was practically hiding behind Ashlyn. Based on Ash's face and Jamie's efforts to disappear, she knew there was something serious going on. 

Ali sighed and calmly walked towards her wife and son. She bent down and kissed Ashlyn's cheek before whispering in her ear, "Is he ok?" 

Ash rubbed Jamie's back and replied calmly, "We're gonna need a little extra time this morning. We'll be ok, but we'll be late." 

Ali nodded in understanding. She leaned down to kiss the back of her son's head and said, "Love you, Jamie." She sat back up and told her wife, "Love you, too. You ok?" 

"I'm fine. Thanks for understanding." Ash said with a small smile. 

Ash knew her wife well. She knew Ali hated having to leave them. She also knew that Jamie's special needs couldn't be ignored. Over the years Ali and Ash had dealt with their fair share of stressful disruptions. They've learned that the situations don't seem as big when they tackle them as a team. 

Ali left to take Bella to the hospital to meet with the rest of the family, while Ashlyn stayed back with their son.

...

"Talk to me." Rachel said. Her voice was shaking. "I need to get my mind off of Jake's chances of getting better. It's like an endless equation with too many variables. It's making me crazy!"

Jacob was dozing off with a tube in his chest called a central line. The stem cells from Sam's blood was passing into his body through the tube.

Lexi was sitting on the other side of Jacob. Both women held on to one of his hands. They were decked out in surgical gowns and hats, to prevent from spreading germs. Jake's immune system was already weak, but part of the conditioning for the procedure involved purposely making his immune system even weaker, so his body wouldn't fight against the transplant. 

Rachel was ready to cry due to her worry and all the possible things that could go wrong. She needed her sister-in-law to distract her.

"Umm..." Lexi couldn't think of a single thing that she wanted to talk about, so she settled for the thing that she didn't want to talk about. "So, I'm sorta dating someone." 

"Really?!" Rachel said, completely amazed. 

Lexi didn't go on a lot of dates because of school, and she definitely didn't go on very many second dates. For her to confess that she was actually with someone was a big surprise.

"Yeah." Lex answered and let out a long shaky breath. No one but Sam knew what she was about to share. "I'm kinda trying something new...I...I guess it's confusing. Or maybe I'm the one that's confusing."

Rachel was usually very perceptive, but her husband's health and everything else going on had taken up most of her focus lately. She was still concerned for her sleeping husband, but she managed to notice that Lexi did seem different. 

"Who is it?" Rachel asked quietly, as if it was a secret. 

Lexi knew she was going to have to tell people sooner or later, she would just prefer it was later.

"It's someone I met at school." Lexi swallowed hard and decided to go for it. "She's in my study group."

"She?" Rachel half asked and half stated. 

"Yeah...'she.'"

"Wow..." Rachel breathed out. 

No matter what, Lexi had done what she was asked to do. 

She definitely got Rachel's mind off of Jacob.

...

Ali was sitting with Bella in Sam's room. The transplant on his end was finished, but his body needed time to recover. He was tired and weak, but would be fine in no time. Ali and Bella couldn't help by joke about how they had never seen Sam so quiet and calm.

It took an extra hour, but Ash and Jamie finally joined them in Sam's room. Ali had filled Samuel in on the drama that morning, knowing that he would understand. When he saw his youngest brother, he brightened up. 

"Hey, Jam-Pow!" Sam called out, referring to the nickname he had given his brother based on the first three letters of his first and middle names.

"Hi, Bam." Jamie said timidly. He felt ashamed of his anxiety issues. He wanted to be a source of strength for his family, but he was feeling nothing but weak.

"Get over here!" Sam ordered. He pretended to be upset, but when Jamie got close enough Sam grabbed him and pulled him into a rough hug and started covering his face with sloppy wet kisses.

Jamie burst into laughter. "Get away from me!" He said and lightly pushed his brother away. He felt better already. Sam always seemed to have that affect on people.

Ashlyn surprised her wife by taking a seat on her lap. While the boys joked around with each other, Ash rested her head on top of Ali's head. She had worked hard all morning to resist the urge to fall apart while she did her best to hold her son together. His honesty as he shared his thoughts and feelings brought on some of Ashlyn's own demons.

Ali knew that it would be difficult for her wife. But Ashlyn's strength always seemed to be what Jamie needed most when he suffered. Ashlyn told her it was probably because he knew she understood. He knew she had felt the same kind of pain.

Ali squeezed Ash tightly and wordlessly let her know she loved her and was there for her. Ali's touch had the desired affect. Ashlyn felt calmer and strengthened.

"Babe, have you seen Jake yet?" Ash asked in a whisper.

Ali was desperate to visit her oldest son. However, due to Ashlyn's absence she felt she needed to stay with her younger children. She knew Sam would be ok, but if she left it would be just him and Bella. She worried that Bella was scared for both of her big brothers. 

"I didn't want to leave her." Ali quietly replied and nodded toward their daughter. 

Ash figured that was the case. She stood up from her wife's lap and pulled her up with her. 

"I'm here now. Go."

Ash didn't have to say another word. Ali nodded and gave her wife a hug. She hugged and kissed all three of her youngest children and left the room to check on Jacob.

...

"Hey, Ma?" Sam said over his little sister's head. Bella had climbed up in bed with him and fallen asleep. Ash had Jamie's head on her shoulder while he slept too.

"What's up, Bam?" Ash asked.

"Remember when Jake first got sick and I was super freaked out when I saw him in his hospital bed hooked up to all those big machines?" Sam asked.

"Yeah. We were all wearing gowns and masks to keep from spreading germs." Ash answered, recalling the scary moment so many years ago. 

She had made a desperate attempt to lighten the mood of the family by whispering a secret to Sam, who was four years old at the time. As soon as he heard his Mama's words things didn't seem so scary anymore.

"Do you remember what you told me?" Sam asked. 

Ashlyn thought carefully. It was almost two decades ago. She was a little fuzzy on the details. "I'm sorry." She answered. "I have no idea."

"So basically I could tell you anything right now and you'd believe it." Sam said with a mischievous smile. He felt his little sister squirm a little to get more comfortable. He decided to whisper his response to keep from waking the girl. 

He leaned toward his Mama and quietly said, "You told me Jake was a superhero and that germs were like kryptonite. Even though I was scared, I knew that the hero always wins in the end."

Ash nodded as Sam spoke. It was all coming back to her. She remembered the surprised look on her little boy's face when he found out his big brother was a superhero. She remembered how excited he got to find out he was related to a superhuman.

"I always imagined Jake to be like Superman. Probably because you used kryptonite as an example, but I imagined him having a secret identity and flying out of the window of his room to go save the day." Sam said with a big smile on his face. "There were days where I would be afraid, but he'd come in my room and stay with me until I felt better. I imagined him doing that for other kids too."

Sam let his eyes wander to his little brother's face. "I remember when I was his age. Jake used to bring me along on his hospital visits to see sick kids." Sam smiled slightly and Ash noticed a shine to his eyes. "Ma, he might as well have been Superman to those kids. I watched the sick children perk up like they had more fight left in them. It was like what I had always imagined him doing when we were younger...going out and saving the day...protecting scared children."

Ashlyn joined her son in smiling as she thought back on all the times she noticed her oldest son taking time to love and encourage children. Whether it was at a soccer game, hospital, or a foster child at her home, he was always extra attentive to the needs of children.

"He's something special." Ash replied. "That's for sure."

"So, I've been thinking...." Sam said with a smile. "If my big brother is Superman, and my cells can give him strength..." 

Ashlyn began to see where her spirited son was going with this. "Are you trying to say that you must be a superhero too?" She asked. She knew her son too well.

"I'm not saying it." He paused to look from side to side as if no one else was allowed to hear his next words. "It's top-secret information, Ma. But I think my medical records are proof enough." He said with a cocky grin.

Ashlyn laughed so hard she woke up her two sleeping children. As usual, Samuel brought joy into a tense and difficult situation.

"You know Sam, I don't need medical records to know you're a hero. I've know that since you were a baby. I used to brag to your Mom about how strong you were." She said. 

She thought back to the days when he was a very sick little baby and the doctors had told them that it was a miracle that he was even alive. She could believe absolutely anything was possible for her favorite Sam-Bam. 

She was beginning to wonder if he was gonna take off his hospital gown and reveal a cape. She half expected him to get up and fly out of his hospital room window to save the world...just like he used to believe his big brother did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's at least one more chapter for this storyline. Before you even ask...there will be more explained about Lexi's new special someone. 
> 
> Sorry it took so long to update. Originally I wanted to end this storyline with this chapter, but it grew into more than I had planned.


	211. Worst Nightmare (Part Eight)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a FLASHFORWARD chapter.
> 
> This is the last chapter of this storyline.

Lexi sat stretched out on her parents' couch with her hands covering her stomach. She felt like she was pregnant with a food baby.

Ali plopped down next to her and held back a chuckle. "Eat too much, sweetheart?" She asked.

"Oh, yeah." Lex answered with a heavy sigh. "I don't think I've eaten this much since Sam took me to a Chinese buffet and force-fed me sushi."

"What? Why did Samuel do that?" Ali asked with a laugh. 

"He took me out and I barely ate anything, in his opinion. He said I was wasting the opportunity to eat a lot because it was a buffet." Lexi made a disgusted face and tapped her stomach a few times before saying, "It was a horrible mistake..." Lexi finished her sentence by saying very dramatically, "...and I still regret it to this day." 

"My poor Lexi." Ali said, mostly just humoring her daughter. "Remember, you don't have to let anyone force you to do something you don't want to do."

Ali meant her last comment as a joke, but it sparked something in Lexi that made her get serious. 

"Mom?" Lexi said. "Can I maybe talk to you in private?"

Ali looked around as if to say that they were already in private, but Lexi nodded toward the kitchen where the rest of her family was hanging out.

"Sure." Ali answered. She stood up and held out her hand toward her daughter. Lexi grabbed it and let her Mom pull her up off the couch. 

The two walked hand in hand to the back yard, closing the glass doors behind them.

...

"Look at this beautiful head of hair!" Rachel exclaimed. 

She ran her fingers through the short dark hair of her husband and pulled his head towards her to place a kiss on it. 

The bone marrow transplant procedure had been over three months ago. Jacob had a long way to go, but he was finally healthy enough to be discharged from the hospital. 

Rachel was excitedly pointing out to the family that his hair was finally starting to grow back. 

Jacob held their oldest child in his arms, while Ashlyn held their son, Asher. Little Asher was named after Ashlyn, and their daughter, Abigail, was named after Rachel's mother.

Four year old Abby held on tightly to her daddy's neck. Both of Jacob and Rachel's children were thankful to have their father back home. Abby used every opportunity she could to cuddle with her dad.

...

Ali sat across from her daughter at their backyard picnic table. The yard had traces of Lexi's childhood all over the place. Lexi laughed to herself when she saw the same timeout chair she often visited after one of her fights with Samuel. 

"What?" Ali asked, noticing a smile creep up on her daughters face.

"I was just thinking about all the fights Sam and I got into. I always got blamed when he was the one who caused all the trouble!" Lex answered. 

"You both blame each other for not getting along. If anything, you were the oldest. You should've been more patient." Ali replied.

"Patient? I would've had to be a saint to be patient enough to put up with him." Lexi laughed.

"Well, look at you now. You're best friends."

"Yeah, I guess..." Lexi said sarcastically, trying to sound causal about the fact that her brother was her closest friend and confidant. 

"So, Sweetheart, what's so important that you needed to talk in private about?" Ali asked. 

Lexi couldn't put it off any longer. She really did want to talk about what was on her mind...what was ALWAYS on her mind, but it didn't make it any easier.

"What made you want to be with Mama?" Lexi asked nervously. Her tone and nerves made it sound like she was insinuating that being with Ashlyn was a negative thing.

"Excuse me?" Ali asked, a little bit offended on behalf of her wife.

Lexi picked up on her mother's defensive tone and tried to correct the misunderstanding right away.

"I didn't mean it the way it sounded!" Lexi explained. "I meant..." Lex took a deep breath and let it out slowly before saying, "You used to date men. What changed your mind? How did you know you were making the right choice with Mama?"

Ali studied her daughter carefully before answering. She wanted to be as sensitive and helpful as possible.

"Lexi, there isn't always a simple answer with these sort of things." Ali answered. 

Lexi put her head down in disappointment and said, "Oh. Ok." 

She felt like her mother might be the only person in the entire world who would understand, but maybe she was wrong. Maybe she was completely alone in her confusion. 

"Honey..." Ali reached across the table and squeezed her daughter's hand. "...it's not always simple. But with me and your Mama, it was the easiest thing in the world."

Lex looked up and met her mother's understanding eyes and replied, "Really?" 

"Really." Ali smiled. "You don't have to have everything figured out, sweetheart. When the right person comes...whoever that is...you will know. They will make you feel like no one else in the world can."

"Hmm." Lexi said. She was taking in her mom's advice and trying to decide if she had found the person that fit the description.

"Is there someone in your life who makes you feel the way your Mama makes me feel?" Ali asked with a hopeful smile.

"I don't know." Lex answered. She thought back at the love that her parents shared. Love that didn't need to be explained or excused. It was always the most powerful thing in the room. "I don't think so." Lexi finally confessed.

"What makes you say that?" 

Lexi smiled sadly, "I guess if someone loved me the way Mama loves you then I wouldn't have to think so hard about whether she was the one." 

"She?" Ali asked with a smile.

"Yeah. I've been dating a girl from school for a few months. I felt attracted to her." Lexi corrected herself. "Well, actually she sorta just kissed me out of nowhere and then I felt attracted to her."

As much as Ali was loving the gossip and would've normally asked for all of the details, she knew her daughter was probably struggling to work through her confusing feelings. She wanted to be as supportive as possible during this time.

"Are you trying to figure out if your attracted to girls instead of guys?" Ali asked. "Because obviously your mother and I are supportive of whomever you want to love."

"I know, Mom. And thanks for making sure I know. I just...I don't know. I think I like both. But I have a friend at school that thinks that's not possible. And I guess I'm doubting everything. I used to think I had everything figured out. Now I feel like I don't know anything...including who I am." Lexi replied.

"Lexi, you're special. That's who you are. There's no one else like you, so how could anyone else know who's the right person for you to be attracted to, or to love? In my opinion, it's more about the person than anything else. Right now it feels weird and it's really hard, but it won't always be that way. As soon as you find the right person, you'll know."

"That's what Sam said." Lex said. "When I told him I was going on a date with a girl I expected him to act shocked, he wasn't though. He just asked if she was a good person."

"Your brother is pretty smart." Ali said. 

"I guess he's smart...for a big dumb boy." Lexi joked. "Thanks, Mom." Lex got serious, but seemed relieved. "I feel better. I think I was basing whether I should date girls on the one girl I've ever dated. Because she's not the one, I figured I was wrong to even try."

"You'll know when you've found the right person. And both your Mama and I will be so happy for you!"

...

"Any news about soccer?" Ash asked her oldest son.

"Well, I'm still under contract with DC. The doc said that there's a possibility I could make a full recovery, it's just gonna take some time. The team said they were willing to wait, if I'm willing to stay committed to them. They know I took a big pay cut to stay here, so they are willing to stick with me as long as it takes." Jake explained.

He was sitting on his parents living room floor with his son, while playing with some of Sam's old toys. Samuel was laying on his stomach giving Asher his full attention. The little boy was rolling a toy truck over his Uncle Sam's face.

"That's great!" Ashlyn answered. "I know how much it must mean to you to have the team's support." 

"Absolutely. I'm a few months away from being able to do any sort of strenuous physical activity, but things are still hopeful." Jake answered. 

Ashlyn and Jacob's conversation was interrupted by the giggles of a two year old. Samuel was the source of the boy's delight. Uncle Sam was rolling a truck over the toddler's face just like Asher had done to him a few moments earlier. 

"You're such a dork!" Lexi said to Sam as she walked in on the scene with Ali. Lexi picked her nephew up and blew raspberries on his tummy to get him to laugh even harder.

Ali uncharacteristically walked past her other grandchild, who was in Rachel's arms, and took a seat in her wife's lap. Usually, Ali would prefer to have a grandchild in her arms when the family was together. Instead of her usual routine she greeted Ash with a chaste, but emotional kiss. 

Her talk with Lexi reminded her of how lucky she was to have Ashlyn in her life. Ali was one 'safe' decision away from settling for less than true love. She could've married her college boyfriend, but instead she took a risk for the sake of love, and ended up with a family bursting with more love than she ever knew could exist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What are some prompts you guys would like me to write about? Do you want another flash forward, flashback, or something right after the twins were born? I'm open to anything. 
> 
> PS...Thanks for being awesome.


	212. Double Date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a FLASHFORWARD continuation of the Worst Nightmare storyline involving Lexi.
> 
> This chapter contains a prompt.

"Ow! What?!" Ash said in reply to a pinch from her wife.

The two of them had invited Lexi and her new girlfriend out to dinner. At least that's how Ali worded it to her daughter. The truth was that Ash was anything BUT inviting towards the girl dating her daughter. It wasn't that she didn't approve of Lex dating a girl. Obviously that was acceptable to Ashlyn. 

What wasn't acceptable to Ashlyn was for someone to treat her daughter disrespectfully. Ever since Ali let it slip that Lexi's 'friend,' as Ashlyn referred to her always using air quotes, had surprised her with a kiss instead of asking for permission, Ash was in overprotective mode. Lexi was confused and trying to figure things out, and Ash felt that this girl was taking advantage of her. 

Ali spent the thirty minute drive to the restaurant lecturing Ashlyn about being open minded and most importantly, being nice. She told her that their little girl isn't little anymore and she has a good head on her shoulders. She reminded her wife that the two of them need to be careful with what they say, in case their daughter's new relationship turns into more. They don't want to push their daughter away.

Ali thought she had made herself clear but Ashlyn wasn't hiding the fact that she didn't like the new 'friend.' They were following the younger couple inside when Ali noticed her wife's scowl. 

Ashlyn was glaring at the poor girl from behind. That's when Ali pinched her arm hard.

"Ow! What?!" Ash whisper-yelled at her wife.

"I told you to be nice!" Ali scolded in a whisper.

Ashlyn gestured toward the young couple and said, "She has her hand on our daughter's ass!"

"So what?! They're adults!" Ali answered. She stared her wife down to let her know that she better straighten up. "Besides, I remember dating someone who was much more affectionate than that!" Ali said, insinuating that Ashlyn had done much worse.

"I never did that in front of your family!" Ash replied. "I would never do that with your parents around. It's disrespectful."

"You've done it a million times in front of my parents. What are you talking about?!" Ali judgmentally corrected her.

"Maybe AFTER we were married, but never while we were still dating, and definitely NOT the first time I met them!" Ash answered.

Ali thought about it and knew Ash was right. It was strange that the girl was acting so comfortable with her affection around them. She shook her head to clear it, and stayed focused on her task. She had to keep Ashlyn in line. "Baby, kids are different these days. Just let it go. Please...for me."

"Fine." Ash mumbled angrily as she stared at her little girl's new 'friend' from behind.

She had already decided that she didn't like her.

...

At dinner Ali kept a tight hold on her wife's hand under the table. She wanted to be able to signal if she needed to calm down or change the subject. Ashlyn was acting a little crazy and Ali didn't want to embarrass their daughter.

"So, Alison, did you grow up around here?" Ali asked. 

Alison and her were doing most of the talking. Ashlyn was focusing all of her energy on not saying something Ali wouldn't approve of. Lexi just looked uncomfortable and a little scared.

"Yeah, my family lives a few towns over. I was telling Lex the other day that I was surprised we never played each other in soccer." Alison replied.

"You played soccer?" Ali asked. She squeezed her wife's hand to signal that maybe the girl isn't all bad.

"When I was little. I never really was very good at it. But according to Lex she was a little superstar." The girl answered with a charming smile.

"All of our children were pretty good." Ali said. She could see out of the corner of her eye that her wife's face and glare hadn't softened up at all. 

It was going to be a long night.

Ashlyn noticed that the more her daughter's 'friend' drank the more loud and touchy she got with her daughter. Lexi looked extremely uncomfortable as the night went on. Ali was beginning to get angry too. She held back as much as she could, knowing that with even the smallest hint of disapproval from her, Ash would be all over this girl.

She didn't have a chance to say anything about it though, because Ashlyn had decided it was time to speak up.

"Can't you tell that she's uncomfortable?" Ashlyn said nodding toward her daughter. "Maybe you need to get your hands off of her."

"Ash..." Ali wanted to protest but noticed that Lexi was about to cry.

"She's my girlfriend. What's the big deal?" Alison asked. She was upset about what Ashlyn was insinuating.

"The big deal is that she doesn't like it. Maybe you don't value my daughter enough to respect her feelings, but you better believe that I do!" Ash replied. 

She dropped her wife's hand and stood up to make a move toward her daughter's girlfriend. She wasn't going to hit her or anything, she just wanted to remove her unwelcome hands from Lexi. 

"Mama!" Lexi interrupted. She didn't want to cause a scene. She was completely embarrassed by her girlfriend, and now her mother.

Ali pulled on Ashlyn's hand and brought her back down to a sitting position. She knew this was the absolute worst thing they could do in Lexi's opinion. 

Ashlyn held her wife's gaze as she slowly exhaled. She looked up at her daughter and said, "Sorry." She made sure it was clear she was apologizing to her daughter and not her 'friend.'

The rest of the dinner was awkward and felt much longer than it was. When they parted ways, Ali let her wife have it.

"Ashlyn, I told you to behave! I told you to be nice. If our daughter pulls away from us in even the slightest way, I'm never going to forgive you." Ali threatened.

Ashlyn held her tongue and drove them home.

...

About an hour after Ash and Ali had returned home, Lexi was on the other side of their bedroom door knocking harshly. Ash had gone to bed early to try and avoid her wife's wrath. Ali was in the process of getting ready for bed when she heard her daughter's disruptive knocks. 

Ali assumed it was one of the twins. She rushed to answer the door with her toothbrush still in her mouth. When she opened it she saw a very upset Lexi.

"I need to talk to Mama." Lexi said. She didn't waste a moment on polite greetings.

Ali was mad at her wife, but she wasn't going to let her daughter attack her. "Lexi, you need to calm down. She's already gone to bed. You can talk to her in the morning." Ali instructed.

"I need to talk to her now!" Lex demanded.

Ali was about to object when she heard her wife's voice. "It's fine." Ash sat up and turned her nightstand light on. She had never fallen asleep. She was too upset about the night's events.

Lexi brushed past Ali and went straight for Ashlyn. She climbed up into her parents' bed and clung to her mother before saying, "I'm sorry, Mama!"

Ali watched her wife comfort their daughter as Lexi fell apart in her arms. Ali joined them in the bed and rubbed Lexi's back. 

Both parents were stunned. Something must have happened after Lexi and her 'friend' left the restaurant. Ali was too angry at her wife to think that maybe she was right to act the way she had. 

Maybe Lexi needed her to act that way.

...

It took a while for Lexi to calm down enough to communicate what had happened....

FLASHBACK to the restaurant.

"When you said your mom had issues, I never expected this." Alison said as they made their way to Lexi's car.

"What? When did I say she had issues?" Lexi asked. She was still dazed by the evenings events. She was embarrassed and angry. 

"All that stuff she went through as a kid. It really messed her up. She's got major issues. It's a good thing you're not like that." 

"I told you about her childhood so that you would understand why she adopted me and my brothers. There's nothing wrong with her." Lexi defended.

"How can you say that? Did you see what just happened? She probably would've stabbed me, if your other mom didn't step in." Alison laughed. 

Lexi was too angry to even respond. Who did this woman think she was?

Lexi stayed quiet during the drive. Alison talked the whole way, oblivious that her girlfriend was upset. Lex stopped outside of Alison's apartment building, instead of parking she kept the car running. Alison was surprised, but leaned in and flinched when Lexi pulled away from her attempt to kiss her.

"What? Are you coming in?" Alison asked. She felt that she hadn't done anything wrong and wanted to continue their evening together.

"You have no right to talk about my Mama that way!" Lexi snapped. "We're done!" 

"What? Are you kidding me?" Alison replied angrily. "You're such a child. I thought you had grown up since we started dating, but I guess I was wrong." Alison unbuckled her seatbelt, opened the passenger side door and said, "You're so pathetic. I put up with it because you're hot...but what a waste of time."

Lexi watched as the girl who she thought might be the 'one' quickly proved that she wasn't. She had relied on Alison for too much. She was trying to figure out who she was and what she wanted, and Alison took advantage of that to manipulate and control her. 

Lexi held herself together just long enough to drive away. She didn't want Alison to see her cry. She had already seen that sight too many times. It made Lexi sick to think of all the times she was nervous or scared and Alison dismissed it as unimportant or 'childish.' 

Lexi let her confusion blind her from the truth. Alison was no 'friend.' She was an abusive person who tried to take advantage of her. She cringed thinking about the multiple times Alison had gone further physically with her than she had wanted. She told her to stop, but Alison kept going, insisting that it was Lexi's confusion that was making her nervous. Ashlyn's outburst reminded Lexi, that no one had a right to treat her that way.

...

"Princess, it's ok. There's nothing wrong with you. She's the one that needs help. She's the one that was wrong." Ash comforted.

Ali couldn't keep her own tears at bay. She was so thankful Ashlyn spoke up. 

Lexi stayed at their house that night. She was worried that Alison might try to stop by her apartment. Ali's response was, "You're always welcome here, sweetheart."

To which Ash added, "You're always safe here, too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys have come up with some great ideas. I'm gonna try to write a few more prompts in the near future. Thank you!!!


	213. Comfort

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains a prompt. Thank you!
> 
> Warning: Brief use of strong language.

"Babe!" Ash yelled, as she closed the front door. 

Ali had sent her off on a few errands and she wanted to get her approval on what she had picked up. Ali always lectured her about not paying close enough attention to her. Ash was sure she got it right this time and wanted her wife to notice.

"Babe!" Ash yelled again, searching the house.

"Which 'babe' are you looking for?" Jake joked. "We've got two 'baby-babes' and a 'mom-babe.'" Jacob thought he was being clever.

"I'm looking for my 'wife-babe.'" Ash answered with a smile. 

Little Samuel tugged on his Mama's hand and asked, "Am I your 'Bam-babe?'" 

His cute little five year old face looked hopeful. He wanted to be special to his Mama like his new baby brother and sister were. 

"Yes, you are my superhero 'Bam-babe!'" Ash replied and picked her son up for a hug. She carried him with her as she searched for her wife.

"She's with the twins." Jake said, letting his Mama know where to find the 'Babe' she was really looking for.

"Thanks, son." Ash answered and carried her 'Bam-babe' upstairs to join her wife in helping the twins.

Ali had both twins in her arms. She was sleeping along with them in a rocking chair in their nursery. Ashlyn was smiling and joking with Samuel but once she saw her wife, she turned serious. She could tell she had been crying.

"Bam, can you go to your room and pick out a good book for us to read to the twins?" Ash asked. 

She set the happy boy down and watched him excitedly run to fetch his favorite book to share with his brother and sister.

Ash quietly approached her wife. She carefully removed both babies and miraculously set them down in their cribs without waking them. She knelt in front of her wife and laid her palms on Ali's thighs. She lightly rubbed them up and down to wake her wife.

"Hey, Babe." Ash quietly said. Ali's eyes were red from crying. "You ok?" Ash asked.

Ali leaned forward and let her wife catch her in a hug.

"My Grandma died." Ali replied. Her response was muffled by her wife's shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Alex. What do you need me to do?" Ash asked. She wished she was as good as her wife at knowing the exact right thing to do during these sort of moments.

"Just hold me for a little while." Ali answered. 

Ashlyn stood up and brought her wife with her. She pulled her in close and held her tight. Ash rubbed her wife's back and let Ali rest in her arms. A few moments later they heard their naturally loud five year old return.

"Mama, look! I got a book." Sam yelled excitedly. Ashlyn felt the little boy pull on the back of her pants to get her attention.

His loud interruption woke up his baby sister. Bella's cries woke up her twin brother. Ashlyn felt Ali exhale in frustration and pull away from her. 

Ash turned and put her hand on Sam's head to let him know she knew he was there, but her eyes never left her wife. Ali had one hand in each crib trying to comfort their crying babies, when it was really her who needed comfort the most.

"Babe, let me do that." Ash offered.

"No. It's ok." Ali said, sounding completely discouraged. "Can you take care of the other kids?" Ali said and flicked her eyes down to her loud and wiggly son. 

Ash would've liked to have been able to give Ali her full attention, but knew with the babies upset the best thing she could do was try to create as quiet an environment as possible. And that meant removing Sam from the room. 

Ash bent down and picked her hyper boy up. "Let's read that in your room, ok bud?"

"What about Iz and Jamie? They need my story." Sam answered. He wanted to be a good big brother and take care of his upset siblings.

"Mommy will take good care of them." Ash answered. "We'll read this story together and then read it to the twins when they're feeling better."

"But Mama?!" Sam whined. 

Ali listened to her wife explain to Sam the importance of being patient, as she carried him out of the nursery. A small smile graced her face as she listened to her little boy beg Ashlyn to let him help with the babies. 

Ali was thankful for the sweet reminder of how lucky she was to have all of her kids. Twenty minutes later Ash reminded her of how lucky she was to have a great wife, too.

"Any extra room in there?" Ashlyn asked. She had poked her head in their master bathroom shower.

"Are you serious?" Ali asked. She was emotionally exhausted.

"If you want me to be." Ash answered with a smile.

"I don't think I'll be much fun." Ali warned.

Ash removed her shirt and said, "That's ok. I just want to be with you." 

If Ali's face wasn't covered in water drops from the shower, Ashlyn would've seen that she had been crying. Ashlyn's support was greatly needed.

...

TWO DAYS LATER...

Ashlyn carried her wife's bags to her Jeep. Lexi was following behind her with a carry-on bag that could easily be rolled.

Ash was doing her best to be supportive and a calming presence, but she was the complete opposite on the inside. She was worried she would let her wife down. 

With her left hand tucked through the handle of one of Ali's extra heavy bags she lifted it into the back of her Jeep. At the same moment she heaved the bag upward, her foot stumbled on another one of Ali's bags. Her hand got stuck and twisted awkwardly as the bag came down. She was certain she had at least sprained it, if not broken it.

"Fuck!" She said when she felt the painful twist. She remembered her daughter was right behind her and said, "shit," under her breath. 

"What, Mama?" Lexi asked. She had heard her mother swear.

"Crap!" Ash said when she realized that Lexi had for sure heard her. "Sorry Lex. Don't say any of those words I just said."

"Those are bad words, Mama. Mommy would be mad." Lexi lectured.

"I know. And that's why we're not going to tell her about it." 

Ash packed the rest of the luggage and used her good arm to pick up her little princess and carry her inside. Before they joined the rest of the family, Ash bribed her to keep her mouth shut. Lexi was smart enough to go along with the plan.

"Jacob, Annie and Joey will be here later tonight. That means you're in charge of your brother and sister until we get home tomorrow. Please be responsible." Ali said. 

Jacob was happy to help. Being entrusted with the care of Lexi and Sam made him feel grown up.

"Mom, don't worry. We'll be fine." Jake answered.

"Remember to be extra patient with your brother." Ali whispered.

Jake just shook his head to acknowledge he understood. Ali finished putting the twins in their carriers and waited for Ashlyn to come and carry them out.

When Ash grabbed only one carrier Ali didn't notice. When Lexi tried to carry the other baby, she definitely noticed.

"Sweetheart, let Mama do that." Ali said. 

Lexi nervously looked up toward Ash. Little Lexi was trying to help her injured Mama. 

"No worries, Babe." Ash replied for Lex. "I bet Jake would be happy to help Lex carry Jamie to the car." Ash gave her son a pointed look and said, "Right, son?"

"Yeah, ok." Jake answered, feeling a little confused. He was kinda in the middle of something with his mother and his other mother usually carries both babies on her own.

When Jake, Lex, and Ash were clear of Ali's hearing, Ashlyn explained her and Lexi's strange behavior. Jake just laughed. Ashlyn would've expected a little more sympathy. 

She gave him a disapproving look, to which he responded by saying, "Sorry, Mama. You just always find some weird way to get hurt."

"That's hilarious." Ash answered sarcastically. "I'm so glad my pain causes you so much joy."

"Mama..." 

Jake tried to smooth things over but Ash held up her good hand and said, "Whatever you do don't tell your Mom. She has enough to worry about right now. And stay out here with the babies while I go get her and say goodbye to your brother and sister."

Ash didn't wait for a response. She knew her son was glad to help. She also knew that if he had a chance to think about her injury long enough, he would end up telling Ali about it. He was without a question loyal and trust worthy when it came to secrets, but he was also protective and honest. If he thought that Ashlyn was suffering, he wouldn't hesitate to tell Ali.

...

After searching the house, Ashlyn found Samuel hiding behind his toy chest in his room. He wasn't happy that his parents were leaving with his two younger siblings and wouldn't let him go along. What he didn't know was that Ali wanted to bring him, but Ashlyn talked her out of it. 

Ash knew that the other half of Team Awesome would take up a lot of her attention and Ash needed to be able to save some of it for Ali. Ashlyn originally tried to talk her into leaving all of the kids in Annie's care, but there was no way Ali would ever go for that.

"Bam, don't you wanna come out and say goodbye. Mommy and I are going to miss you." Ash said and reached behind Sam's wall of toys to pull him out. 

Sam was angry and hit her hand with one of his superhero toys.

"Samuel!" Ash snapped. She was trying to hold it all together for her wife, but her son wasn't cooperating.

"Mama!" He yelled back, as if he was the one scolding her for her misbehavior.

"What is going on in here?" Ali asked. She heard the yelling and thought her wife could use some help.

"It's fine. Don't worry about it, Babe." Ash said, trying to dismiss her wife. She didn't want Ali to stress out about anything else.

"Baby, obviously it's not fine." Ali replied. She moved forward to try and remove Sam from his hiding spot. Ash quickly blocked her and grabbed his arm, bringing on the same superhero assault from earlier.

"Samuel Christopher!" Ali sternly said. "Get out of there now!" 

Samuel's lower lip started to quiver. His tantrum had gone much farther than he had planned. He started to cry and went straight for Ali's arms.

Ash just closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She nudged Ali with her hip and said, "We gotta go." 

Ali held her crying son and watched her frustrated wife leave. Ashlyn's attempt to eliminate stress in Ali's life had failed miserably.

Ashlyn thought it would be better if she just got out of the way.

...

After a long talk with Samuel, Ali found her wife sulking in the car with their sleeping babies. Ali tapped on the driver's side window and waited as Ash rolled it down.

"Aren't you going to say anything to Sam?" Ali asked.

"He hates me."

"You know that's not true. You'll break his heart if you leave him feeling like this." Ali said. 

That was all Ali had to say. Ash quickly opened her door and walked back into the house, leaving Ali to watch the twins.

Ali looked in the back seat at her sleeping angels and said, "You two will never throw fits like that, right? Can I count on you?" She laughed at herself for trying to strike a deal with her babies. 

She continued to reason with them about the importance of not stressing her and her wife out.

Meanwhile, Ashlyn was immediately met by a sad Samuel when she entered the house. He had big tears falling from his eyes. She couldn't stay angry with her boy any longer. She knelt down to get at his level and he beat her to speak by tearfully saying, "Mama, I'm sorry!" 

Ash let him bury his head in her chest. She held him close and kissed his face. She waited for him to calm down before saying, "I will always forgive you." 

"Mama, I wanna go with you." Sam cried into her chest.

"I know, Bam. But Mommy and me need you to stay here and help your big brother and sister. Joey is coming over later. He's gonna wanna play with you." Ash explained.

"But I want to help you and Mommy." Sam answered. His voice was shaking. It was filled with innocence and kindness. 

"You will be helping us by being a good boy for Annie and having fun here with Joey and Monster. We will be back tomorrow and you can tell us about all the happy things that happened while we were gone. That will be a big help." Ash said.

Sam chewed on his lip and scrunched up his face. He thought hard about what his Mama had just told him. He finally decided what he thought. "Ok, Mama. I'll be a good boy and have fun with Joey and Monster."

Ash wanted to laugh. He made her that promise like it was a huge responsibility and a difficult task. 

"Thank you, Bam. I love you." She let go of her brave boy and right before she opened the front door said, "I'll miss you."

Ashlyn heard her son say, "Miss you more, Mama!" as she left. 

Her heart felt lighter.

...

The babies had a rough night, which meant that their parents had a rough night too. Ashlyn tried to convince Ali to let her handle them, but it was two against one and Ali couldn't let her wife be double teamed.

The women had driven three hours away to stay at Ali's grandparents' house. They were sharing a small room. Their babies' cries filled up the empty space easily. Both women were exhausted.

Ash had finally gotten Jamie to sleep. She joined Ali in bed, where she was feeding Bella. She showed Ali her watch and said, "It's time to get up."

"I already laid out our stuff. I think we can sleep a little longer." Ali said. She was always thinking of ways to be helpful. Ash wished she had thought of it first.

"Babe, why don't you get some sleep and I'll hold Iz." Ash replied. She wanted to be helpful. She wanted to ease the stress from her wife.

At the moment Ali was breast feeding Bella. She looked at her wife and then looked down and her exposed breast and quietly laughed. "Baby, I'm not just holding Bella. We're kinda in the middle of something over here."

Ash felt stupid and frustrated. She felt like everything she had tried seemed to backfire. All she wanted was to comfort and support her wife. She couldn't even do that right.

Ashlyn laid back down and tried to fall asleep. She heard her wife quietly talking to Bella and knew that Ali was up for the day. She wouldn't have time to go back to sleep for even a short nap. 

Ash sat up when she heard the sounds of her wife getting dressed. Ali notice and right away whispered, "Baby, go back to sleep. It's probably better that we don't bring the twins. You can stay here and sleep with them."

That was the moment that Ash realized that her wife didn't need her.

"Ok." Ash answered. She didn't mean for her reply to sound so sad. But Ali picked up on it.

"What's wrong? Do you think we should bring them?" Ali asked. She didn't understand why her wife would want to with the way they had been acting all night and morning.

"I just thought I came here to help you, not to babysit." Ash mumbled.

Ali, all dressed and looking perfect, sat down next to her pajama-clad, messy haired wife and said, "You are helping me. Why would you even doubt that?"

Ashlyn wanted to cry but she didn't want Ali to have to deal with her issues right before going to her grandmother's funeral. "It's nothing, Al." Ash answered.

"Ash, what's wrong?" 

"I want to be there for you. I want to hold your hand when your sad and hug you and make you feel better." Ash answered honestly.

Ali took her wife's hand, unknowingly grabbing the one connected to her injured wrist and said, "Baby, you are making me feel better. I promise you, it means the world to me that you're here."

Ashlyn wanted to cry. Her wrist was throbbing. Ali thought she was being sweet and emotional. Ali brought Ashlyn's hand and injured wrist up to her heart and held onto it with both of her hands. As she spoke, she emphasized each point by shaking Ashlyn's hand up and down. It was a both loving and painful experience for Ashlyn.

"Ash, you are everything to me." 

Shaking motion.

"You're my source of strength."

More shaking.

"You're my comfort and my best friend."

Shake, shake, shake.

"I love you."

Painfully hard shake. Ash thought her hand might actually fall off.

"Now, I've gotta go." Ali said as she checked the time on her watch. "Please know that having you here, even if you're stuck in this room watching our babies, is a huge support and comfort to me. I wish we could be together all day, but we're parents. This is how it's gotta be."

Ali kissed her wife and grabbed her purse. She stared down at her finally quiet and sleeping babies and felt comforted knowing that Ashlyn would take great care of them while she was gone.

Ali left feeling loved.

...

Ali's grandma's funeral consisted of two parts. She decided to only attends the service and to skip the graveside portion. She knew her babies would need feeding and her wife would be in need of a break.

Ali arrived and found all three sound asleep. Ali noticed something strange about her wife. She was covered in a blanket but a portion of it was wet. She wondered what kind of traumatic event her children had put Ashlyn through. 

Upon closer examination, the wet spot seemed to be water. Very cold water. She carefully lifted up the blanket and found the source. It wasn't a leaky diaper or a cleaned up projectile vomit incident. It was a semi-melted bag of ice on her wife's left wrist.

"Ash must've hurt herself." Ali laughed to herself. "My wife never changes." She added with a smile.

She cleaned up the cold mess and changed into something more comfortable. She joined her wife in bed, being careful not to hurt her injured limb. 

She finally felt at peace.

...

Ali rolled her eyes at her wife. Ash was attempting to pick up Bella's carrier with her forearm, instead of using her hand.

"Are you just going to hide the fact that you're hurt? How long do you think you'll be able to get away with that?" Ali asked in a mocking tone.

"What? I'm not hurt." Ash said, surprised that her wife had found her out. 

"Baby, your left wrist is swollen and bruised. What happened?" 

Ali expected a funny story that must've happened while she was at her grandmother's funeral. She didn't expect the injury to have happened while they were still at home.

"I guess you got away with hiding it from me for longer than I thought." Ali replied once she heard the full story. 

Ali didn't waste any time in making Ashlyn go to the doctor. Once they got home she sent Jacob with her to keep her company. Samuel begged to tag along, leaving Ali with the twins and Lexi. Lex was a big help and even offered to keep watch of the twins while Ali took a nap in a nearby chair.

After a few hours Ash and the 'big' boys of the family returned. Ash had a badly sprained wrist and the doctor had wrapped it up in a splint. She also gave Ashlyn some pain medication. Jake had to drive home, but Ash was definitely feeling better.

That night after Sam and Ash finally read to the twins the book Bam had originally picked out, the rest of the family went to bed. Ali turned up the volume on the baby monitor and set it down next to her.

"Ashlyn, I wanna thank you for everything." Ali said. She carefully snuggled close to her wife, making sure not to put any weight on her injured wrist.

"Babe, I was a disaster. I didn't do anything worth thanking." Ash answered.

"Baby, you were great. You took care of everything, including our children, who are my biggest concern. You gave me the freedom to mourn and think about other things." 

"I don't think I was that great, but whatever." Ash answered.

"I think you were perfect. Now, there is one thing I'm unsure of."

"What's that?" Ash asked.

As Ali climbed up on top of her wife she said, "I'm wondering how much your mangled wrist is going to slow you down."

"Slow me down?" Ash asked confused. 

Ali straddled her wife and began to apply some pressure and leaned down to whisper in her wife's ear.

Ashlyn's eyes grew wide as she heard her wife tell her the details of what she had planned for that night. 

Ashlyn smiled cockily and said, "I only need one good hand for that."


	214. The Do-Over

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I rushed to get this out. Sorry for any mistakes.

"But Mom..." Jake whined. 

Ali was getting the twins changed and dressed for a Valentine's Day family outing that Jacob was trying to get out of.

"Jacob, it's a family tradition. We always take you kids out to celebrate. We're trying to show you we love you. You're not getting out of it." Ali answered. "So, straighten up and appreciate our love!" 

"Mom, it's not fair. I have to stay home later and babysit so that you and Mama can go out. I'm not gonna get to take Rachel out."

"You can take her out tomorrow." Ali replied. She didn't think his crush would last, so she didn't care to make room for it in their holiday celebrations.

"Mom, that's not fair! I'm not asking to get out of babysitting. I just want to get out of the stupid family thing." Jake complained.

"'Stupid family thing'" Ali repeated his words back to him in a disapproving tone. "Family is the most important thing in this house. If you want to go on a date with your girlfriend anytime soon, then you better change your attitude." 

Jake rolled his eyes and walked away. He mumbled, "Whatever." to himself as he left his unimpressed mother.

Ali was undeterred by her son's disposition. She had just as much, if not more, attitude than he could ever dream of having. He didn't have a chance.

...

"Jacob, help your Mama carry the twins out to the car. She only has one good hand. You should've been a gentleman and volunteered without being asked." Ali instructed. She had no sympathy for her grumpy teenager. 

Ashlyn, on the other hand, was completely caught off guard by her wife's behavior. Ali was usually the sweetest person in the house, especially when speaking to their children. Her behavior was a bit surprising. 

"What was that about?" Ash asked her eldest son once they had left the house.

"She's mad because I don't want to go to this." Jake answered.

"You don't wanna hang out with us?" Ash asked. She was surprised. In her mind, Jake was in the running for world's greatest son and brother. 

"No, it's not that. I just wanna take Rachel out today for Valentine's Day. But because of you and mom going out, I can't." Jake explained. "I mentioned that to mom and she freaked out when I asked if I could skip the afternoon thing." 

"Hmm..." Ash hummed to herself. "You stay out here with your brother and sister. I'll see what I can do."

Ash left her son behind and set out on a mission. She had to soften her wife's heart to the idea of 'young love.'

"Babe, I gotta talk to you real quick." Ash said and grabbed her wife's arm. She pulled her away from Sam and Lex who were putting on their coats.

"Ash, I already know what you're gonna say. He's too young to ditch his family." Ali said.

"He's not ditching us. He's helping us by watching our kids." Ashlyn replied. She had to physically turn her wife's head toward her to get her to look her in the eyes. Ali was being stubborn. "Babe, remember what it was like to be his age? Let him have some fun. He's a good boy. You know that. Let's give him a break."

"Ashlyn, this is important! We do this every year. He can't miss the first year with Bella and Jamie." Ali argued.

"Ok, then we don't go out tonight. We'll go tomorrow."

"Are you dumping me on Valentine's Day?" Ali asked. She wasn't only hurt but also angry. Ashlyn was about to get an earful if she didn't diffuse this relationship bomb fast.

"Baby, we're old. We've done this a million times. We've celebrated on other days before, too. Let the kid have a little independence. This is his first Valentine's Day with a girlfriend and a driver's license. He deserves a break."

"I'm mad at you." Ali answered and walked away. 

Ash knew what that meant. Ali would go along with her plan to do Valentine's Day on another day, but she was gonna make sure she knew she wasn't happy about it. 

Ash shared the news with Jake, and also made sure she had a child around her at all times to act as a shield to deflect her wife's wrath. 

...

Ashlyn had both twins and Samuel in her lap. Sam had learned the art of cuddling without putting any weight on his younger siblings. It was a necessity these days. 

Ali had done her best to ignore her all day. Ashlyn's response was to be extra helpful and patient, but the cold shoulder treatment was really starting to hurt. 

By the end of the night, she was feeling pretty bad. She chose to sleep in Sam's bed with him, instead of with her wife in their bed. When Jake got home he searched for his Mama to thank her for making a way for him to take his girlfriend out. When he found her in Sam's room he knew she had paid a high price for his freedom.

"Hey, Mama. You ok?" Jake asked. He picked up his little brother's dog so he could sit next to his Mama. Jacob held Monster in his lap and said, "Sorry if I got you in trouble. It meant a lot to Rach, if it makes you feel any better."

"It's fine. Don't worry about it." Ash answered unconvincingly.

"Mama, I'm really sorry. I guess I wouldn't have made such a big deal out of it if I knew you wouldn't get to go out. I'm sorry I spoiled your plans."

"Your Mom might let me take her out tomorrow. So...we'll see." Ash said with a sad smile. 

Jake gave his Mama a side hug and a kiss on her cheek before returning Monster to his original sleeping spot. He wanted to make things right with his other mother, so he headed straight for his parents bedroom.

He knocked on the door and announced his presence to make sure Ali knew it was her child and not her wife. He could only imagine what his usually very affectionate parents would do on Valentine's Day. He didn't want to see anyone in their underwear.

Ali called for him to come in. She was sitting up, fully dressed in pajamas. She had a blanket pulled up high, while she read through her emails on her laptop.

"Mom, I'm really sorry for messing everything up." He apologized. 

Ali lifted her eyes from her computer screen and saw that her son was sincerely sorry. She sighed and patted the open space next to her.

"You didn't mess anything up." Ali finally answered once her son sat down. "I was inconsiderate. I'm the one who should be sorry...and I am really sorry." Ali said. She tried to smile when she added, "Did you have fun with Rachel?"

"Yeah. She said she felt really special. That was my goal." Jake said with a real smile.

"That's good. I'm glad."

"What about you and Mama? She seems pretty bummed out." 

"She does?" Ali asked, even though she already knew the answer.

"Yeah. She feels really bad that she couldn't take you out. But it was my fault." Jake explained. He tried to get Ali to blame him instead of Ashlyn.

"No, it's MY fault." Ali corrected. "I was acting really immature all day." She laughed to herself and then continued. "I can't tell you how many times we've been apart for Valentine's Day. When we were younger we were hardly ever in the same place."

Ali started to tear up and said, "Your Mama was always so good at making sure I knew she loved me, even when we were an ocean apart." She wiped at her eyes and added, "I guess you're a lot like her."

Ali smiled and squeezed her son's hand. She stared down at their connected hands and got an idea.

...

Ali lightly tapped on Samuel's bedroom door before letting herself in. Both her son and her wife were asleep. She gave her wife a loving nudge and waited for her eyes to adjust to the darkness of the room.

"Baby, please forgive me and give me another chance before Valentine's Day is over." Ali said.

Ash rubbed her eyes and asked groggily, "What???"

"I have something I need to show you."

Ali helped her wife up and led her to their bedroom. Ash was a little wobbly from just waking up. She ended up leaning on Ali for support. Ali was thankful for her unintentional affection.

"So, I was thinking back when we got snowed in our first year in Germany together." Ali said as she explained the sight in front of them. "I was so upset that I couldn't spoil you and show you a romantic night in your new home country. You took over the planning, and used your creativity to make the night perfect and make me feel special."

Ali led Ash by the hand to the fort she had made out of their bed, extra blankets, and pillows. 

"You said that it was ok that we were snowed in, because it meant that we could spend all night in our 'Love Fort.'" Ali reminisced.

"And then I broke my hand trying to keep you from falling behind the couch." Ash said with a tired laugh.

"Someone put a little too much faith in the structure of the couch cushion walls." Ali replied with a huge smile as she remembered her then fiancé trying to adjust her at just the right angle to promote the most pleasurable position for sex in their Valentine's Day 'Love Fort.' 

Ali continued, "I thought maybe we could have a Valentine's Day do-over." Ali stepped in close to her wife and said, "I'm really sorry, Valentine." 

Ash couldn't help but smile. Her wife was one in a million.

"I also thought it might be nice to have a do-over, and try to see if we can get back into that position again." Ali said, raising her eyebrows a few times.

Ashlyn replied in a way that she knew would make Ali want to prove she was still up for the challenge.

"I don't know, Babe." Ash said. "You're not as flexible as you used to be."

Even with one hand, Ashlyn was able to get Ali into just the right position to not only ensure maximum pleasure, but to save their Valentine's Day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's Day!


	215. Don't Give Up On Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains a prompt from a really long time ago.
> 
> Thank you for your patience and prompt. I hope you enjoy.

"Ashlyn!" Ali said angrily. She had just returned from an exhausting two week road trip with the Spirit, and the Krieger-Harris household was pure chaos. "This place is a wreck. Both of our babies have dirty diapers. How long have they been dirty? Is this what it's like when I'm away?" 

"Ali, I'm doing the best I can." Ash replied.

Ali opened the refrigerator to find something to feed the family, and the fridge was practically empty.

"I'm trying to make a living and take care of this family. But I need some help, Ashlyn." Ali complained.

Ashlyn threw the plate she was washing into the sink. It shattered against the other dishes. "I'm doing the best I can!" Ash answered again. "Between work and everything else, it's not easy."

"You're the one who decided it would be a good time to start a new business and go back to school when we have two one year olds in the house. You knew I would be away a lot. This was your idea, Ashlyn. You don't get to complain."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize that I have no right to an opinion in this relationship. Stupid me. I thought your were the one who said you believed in me and promised to support my decision. I guess I must be remembering wrong." Ash replied. She tossed the washcloth on the counter and walked out.

Ali yelled out the door as Ash walked away, "Don't worry, I'll clean up your mess. Just like always!"

Ash and Ali were struggling to find balance. Ashlyn was starting a new business and taking several college courses, while Ali had started up playing soccer with the Spirit again. They were both doing the best they could, but neither realized how hard the other was struggling to make it work. 

They had always been better together.

...

"Mom, can I talk to you for a sec?" Jake asked. 

He had just finished helping Ali put away the groceries that Ashlyn had left to go get. When Ash returned with the food she made a dramatic scene and left Ali to 'clean up her mess.'

"Of course, sweetheart." Ali answered sweetly. She was tired, overwhelmed, and angry at her wife, but she could never take it out on her kids.

"Are you and Mama getting divorced?" Jacob asked nervously.

"What? Why would you even ask that?" Ali asked with concern. 

Ali wondered if Ashlyn had said something to him that made him think that.

"You have been fighting a lot lately." Jake answered. "A lot of people I know are getting divorced."

"People you know?" Ali asked. She doubted there were teenage couples at his school that we're getting divorced. She almost laughed but saw how distressed and worried her son looked.

"Some of my friends' parents. It's not good, Mom. It's really hard on the kids." Jake said. He was trying to convince his mother not to leave.

"Jacob, we're not getting divorced." 

"You've been fighting all the time. Mama is trying hard. She's not trying to make you mad. Sometimes I hear her cry at night. I think she really misses you."

Ali felt like she had the wind knocked out of her. She didn't know her wife was having such a hard time. The truth was that Ali was having a difficult time too.

"Sweetheart, you don't need to worry about that. We're both stressed out. But no one is leaving. I promise."

...

After Jacob's heart-felt plea, Ali found her wife trying to calm Samuel down. He was crying because he scraped his knee while playing with Monster. Ali didn't let her presence be known. She just watched. 

Ashlyn looked tired. She not only looked tired, she looked hollow. The spark was gone. Even with Samuel, her best buddy, she seemed to only be going through the motions.

Ali missed her family. She missed holding her babies. She missed her wife. But she realized in that moment that she had missed a lot more than being home.

"Baby, let me." Ali broke her silence and knelt down next to her wife. 

Ashlyn wasn't sure if she was calling Sam 'baby' or if she was talking to her.

Ali's voice and movements were kind and gentle. Ashlyn assumed it was directed towards Samuel, and not her. After she placed the bandage on the boy's knee she sealed it with a kiss and a hug.

As Ali held him, Samuel said, "Thank you, Mommy."

Ali replied to her sweet boy's tearful gratitude by saying, "You're welcome. I love you, baby."

That confirmed it to Ashlyn. The 'baby' Ali was being loving to was their son. Ashlyn's body began to tremble. She stood up quickly and said, "I'm gonna check on the twins."

Ali heard the hurt in her wife's voice and knew she had to fix things fast.

... 

Ashlyn held Bella with one hand, while holding a textbook on business management in the other. She was doing her best to concentrate on the reading material, but her mind was focused on other things. 

As she read over a paragraph for the third time still not absorbing the information, she heard the cries of her son. Jamie had woken up from his nap. His crying woke up Bella and Ashlyn's study time was over.

Ashlyn wanted to join her children and cry right along with them. She felt exhausted and alone, but most of all she felt like a failure. 

Her plan of bettering herself, providing for her family, and helping people, wasn't working out like she had hoped. Her kids were getting what she would describe as second rate care, and her wife was disappointed in her. 

She was letting everyone down.

As these thoughts bounced around in her head, she heard a muffled voice behind her. It wasn't until she felt a hand on her shoulder that she knew she wasn't the only one in the room with the twins.

"Ashlyn, let me take care of them. You should take a break." Ali suggested.

Ashlyn didn't really know what to think. She assumed Ali didn't trust her with the babies and that's why she offered to take over. Ash sadly nodded and handed their daughter to her wife. 

She left without saying a word.

It took about an hour for Ali to get both babies to settle down. It never failed, once one of them fell asleep the other would start to cry and wake their sibling up. If it wasn't so frustrating it would've been comical.

After making sure both babies were asleep and happy, Ali checked on her wife. She first checked their bedroom, assuming that Ashlyn would've taken the opportunity to take a nap, but Ashlyn wasn't there. 

She checked Samuel's room to see if 'Team Awesome' was having a cuddle session and taking a joint nap, but she wasn't there either.

Ali ended up finding her wife in the backyard mowing the lawn. She shook her head and sighed loudly in frustration. She decided to put an end to it immediately.

"Ashlyn!" Ali yelled, trying to be heard over the sound of the lawn mower. "Ash!!!"

Ashlyn saw her wife before she heard her and removed her headphones to try and listen to what she had to say. When she realized she was trying to get her to stop, she quickly turned off the mower and waited for an explanation. 

Ali watched her sweaty, worn out wife, wipe her brow. Her face was pink from the sun and her shoulders showed more freckles than she remembered. 

"Ashlyn..." Ali knew she had to clear things up between them before she could talk her wife into anything. "I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry."

Ashlyn seemed too tired and confused to respond, so Ali continued. "I'm sorry about all of this. It's my fault. I should never have left you here alone with all five of our children. This is on me. You've done the best that you can."

Ali thought that she had said all of the right things, but Ashlyn didn't seem encouraged. If anything, she seemed more upset.

"Ash, I'm sorry..."

"Ok." Ashlyn said quietly. She bent down to pull the cord to start the mower but was stopped by Ali's hand.

"Baby, please talk to me."

Ashlyn exhaled loudly and between the time that her eyes left the handle of the mower and found Ali's golden brown eyes she fell apart. Her guard had fallen down and she was completely vulnerable. Ali watched her wife's eyes water as she explained her heart.

"You're right." Ash said. "I am doing the best I can...and it's not good enough. I'm gonna flunk out of school and fail at the new business and probably lose all of our savings and children's college fund. So while you're making money I'll be here losing it and doing a horrible job at taking care of our kids."

Ashlyn let her head fall and stared sadly at her feet.

"Baby..." Ali stepped in close to her wife and gently placed her hand on Ashlyn's bicep. "You've been trying to do more than any one person can do. I should've brought the twins with me. We can hire someone to come along and help watch them. You're not failing. You're just trying to do too much. I meant it when I said that this is all my fault. I shouldn't have put you in this position."

"Alex, I'm sorry. I'm so overwhelmed. I feel like I'm a failure. I should never have put our family through this. It cost too much."

"Ashlyn, it's risky, that's true. But I believe in you. It's a risk worth taking. You can do this! I know that you can." Ali replied.

"Alex, I'm so scared." Ashlyn made eye contact with her wife and Ali immediately pulled her into a hug. 

After several minutes of silence, Ali finally spoke up. "When was the last time you slept?" Ali suspected that her wife was not only overwhelmed but also physically exhausted.

"I don't remember." Ash answered. 

"Ok...well..." Ali, with both hands holding her wife's face said, "The first thing on your to-do list is to take a nap. I'll handle the kids and everything else. No studying, or cleaning, or yard work, or anything. You go straight to bed."

"Ali, I don't have time." Ash argued.

"Too bad. We're gonna make time." Ali answered. She took her wife by the hand and pulled her towards their room. 

During their trip up the stairs all three of their oldest children asked them questions and wanted their help, but Ali sent them away. She had to take care of Ashlyn first.

Ali instructed Ashlyn to lay down. Ali sat next to her and played with her hair until she finally fell asleep. It didn't take long once they settled down. Ash had no energy left to try and fight it, and Ali provided the peace and stability she needed to finally rest.

Ali would've loved to have slept with her wife, but she had five children and a house to take care of. And three of those children were waiting for her to give them some attention. 

...

The next several months were difficult. Ashlyn didn't give up, but she came close several times. Ali learned that soccer wasn't the same without Ashlyn. She began to consider the possibility of walking away from the sport she loved. 

She had bigger dreams to pursue.


	216. Future Plans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains part of a prompt request. Happy weekend.

"Here, drink this." Ali said and handed her wife a cup of tea.

"Tea, Al? Really?" Ash answered. She stuck a highlighter in the textbook she was reading and closed the book. She had been studying at the kitchen table for hours.

As she took a sip, her wife explained. "It's supposed to help you concentrate." 

"Unless this is magic tea that fixes my brain, I don't think it's gonna help." Ash replied. 

In high school and college Ashlyn was known for her hard work and good grades, but that was a long time ago and now things like memorization and studying didn't come as easily as they used to.

"Baby, you're working so hard. I'm proud of you no matter what." Ali said and kissed her wife's cheek.

"That's sweet...but it's also another way of saying 'Even if you suck at life I'm proud of you.'...That doesn't make me feel better." Ash replied.

"That is NOT what it means!" Ali defended. She hugged Ash from behind and added, "It means I know it's hard, and that you're determination and hard work makes me very proud...and also that I love you." 

Ali placed a hard kiss on the top of Ashlyn's head and added, "Now be a good little student and drink your tea!"

...

"Mama, look!" Sam ran to his mother. He had a paper from school in his hands.

"What is this, Bam?" Ashlyn asked. She began to read the letter that her son had given her but stopped when he excitedly explained.

"Mama, my teacher said I can be in the show." Sam exclaimed.

Ash had no idea what the boy was talking about so she went back to reading the letter.

"Sam-Bam, this is awesome! You get to make a painting for an art show." Ash said. She picked her son up and held him in a hug. 

Sam bonked himself on the head and said, "That's what I said." 

"My talented artist! I'm proud of you, buddy." 

"I'm proud of you, Mama." Sam repeated his mother's sentiments and hugged her neck.

Sam often did this. Ashlyn was his hero and he was always repeating what she said. But in this case, it held a weightier significance than normal. Right before Sam had interrupted Ashlyn's studying, she had been feeling extremely discouraged. Her eyes were tired from reading, the small text was beginning to blur, and her head was pounding. 

Little Sam's encouraging statement was just the thing Ashlyn needed.

"Mama, will you help me make something awesome?" Sam asked. 

"You know it, little dude." Ash answered. 

Sam squished his Mama's cheeks together and gave her a peck on the lips. As soon as Ash put him down he took off running. He had to share the news with all of his siblings next.

...

(The next morning.)

"Baby, you look...um..." Ali searched for the right words to describe as delicately as possible her wife's disheveled appearance. 

"Tired." Ash mumbled, finishing her wife's thought.

"What happened? I thought you said you had your research paper almost finished when I went to bed." Ali asked.

Ashlyn had spent most of the evening helping Samuel with his art project, but assured Ali it would be ok because her homework and studying was practically finished.

"I accidentally lost it. After two hours of trying to figure out a way to undo whatever I did to delete it, I finally just started all over." Ash explained. 

"Oh Ash, I'm sorry." 

"You know, I'm starting to think that I'm way too old for this stuff." Ash grumbled.

Ali tried to console her wife with a hug and kiss on the cheek. She nudged Ashlyn toward her favorite recliner and motioned for her to take a seat. After Ali pulled the lever to recline her wife, she left to make her a cup of coffee. 

Ali was always happy to take care of her wife, but in this case she had her own agenda in mind. She had hoped to have a serious conversation with Ashlyn while their older children were at school. Ali had to leave for practice soon and Ashlyn had a meeting to attend once she returned home. This was the only window of opportunity she had to talk with her in private for a while before the twins woke up and their schedule got crazy again.

"Baby, I wanted to talk to you about something important." Ali said and handed Ash her coffee. "Are you feeling well enough to talk now?"

Ashlyn took the mug of coffee from her wife and immediately set it down on the table next to her. She pulled Ali down into her lap and waited for her to settle in before saying, "Now I'm feeling great!" 

Ali kissed her wife's smirking face and said, "I love you...but I need you to be serious right now."

"I am serious right now." Ash joked. "I'm suuuuuuuuuper serious."

"Ash!" Ali said in a warning tone and pinched her wife's arm.

"Seriously. I'm serious now. For serious."

"You're ridiculous. I'm gonna assume it's the sleeplessness more than you just trying to be annoying." Ali replied. She adjusted herself in her wife's lap and laid her head on Ashlyn's shoulder. 

Ash felt the change of mood and really did get serious. She rested her head on top of Ali's and gave her a quick squeeze to signal that she was ready to talk.

"I'm thinking about future stuff." Ali confessed. "Soccer isn't the same without you."

When Ash heard her wife's words she wanted to interject and encourage her to stick with it and follow her own advice about not giving up, but she wisely held her tongue.

"I'm thinking about retiring after the next Olympics. That's assuming I'm even good enough to make the team. I haven't been to the Olympics yet, and I feel like that would be a good way to end things." Ali explained.

Ali waited for Ashlyn to respond. When she didn't she elbowed her in the ribs.

"Ow! What?" Ash cried out. "Your elbow is sharp. What do ya got...like a sword taped to it, or something?"

Ali sat up in Ashlyn's lap and turned around enough to get a good look at her wife's face. "Has your sleeplessness all week made you tired-drunk? Is that what's happening here?" Ali asked incredulously.

Ashlyn was kinda offended by her wife's accusation. "I'm not drunk. I'm just saying, your elbow is pointy."

"I'm gonna stab you with it again if you don't say something."

"Say what?" Ash asked. "I was just saying something a second ago about your razor sharp elbow." Now Ashlyn was purposely being annoying.

Ali exhaled loudly and moved to get up out of Ashlyn's lap. Ash easily pulled her back down. "Babe, I'm kidding. I was just waiting for you to finish. I didn't want to cut you off."

"Ok, so..." Ali shook her head in disbelief of her wife's excuse, but gave her a free pass due to her level of exhaustion. "What do you think?"

"I think...I'll support you no matter what. You know that already. But I wonder if you're basing this decision on how terrible things have been here because of me. I don't want you to walk away from something you love. If I had a choice, I would still be playing soccer until my legs fall off." Ash replied.

"Ash, I'm serious when I say that it's not the same without you. Everything reminds me of you. Every single thing feels different. I'm just not sure I want to be away from you and the kids."

"Alex, it's part of our..." Ash paused, cleared her throat, and then corrected herself. "I mean, it's YOUR job to be away. We're used to it. We've done it all these years and even though we missed our kids, it was worth it. I don't want you to give up because you're worried about things at home."

"Ash, it's not that simple. I hated being separated from our kids, but I always had you there with me. Everything is different now! And I think I'd rather be home with you raising our children, than away from you." Ali explained. "And now...I want you to tell me what you think, and not what you think I need to hear."

Ali knew that Ash wouldn't want to put any pressure on her and she would probably just say something supportive, but she needed her to give her advice. She needed her to share her opinion of what their future should look like.

"I think that you don't have to make this decision right now. You can play your heart out and then reevaluate things at the end of the season. Right now things are hard, but we're still finding our groove here at home. It will get better. Maybe by the time the season is over, it will be clear what you need to do." Ash said.

"So, you think I'm stressing out too much?"

"Maybe a little. I think it's a huge decision and you don't need to feel pressured to make it right away." Ash answered.

"Ok." Ali answered in a soft, surrendered voice and adjusted herself to rest on her wife's shoulder again. 

That was all she needed to hear from Ashlyn for now. She was glad to know she had her wife's support, and even though nothing had been decided she felt better about their future.

...

That afternoon Ashlyn surprised her wife by taking the twins to visit the team at practice. She was able to hand off each child to a teammate and kick a ball around with Ali.

"I miss this." Ali said as she passed the ball back to Ashlyn.

"Yeah, me too." Ash answered. She dribbled the ball towards her wife and stopped right in front of her. Ash put an arm around Ali's shoulder and said, "This sport has been good to us, Al." 

Ali hummed in agreement and leaned into her wife. 

"Whenever you decide to hang up your cleats, I'm behind you 100%. But try to enjoy all of this while you can." Ash said. She took in the vivid colors of the green pitch and clear blue sky. She inhaled deeply and closed her eyes as the smell of the grass filled her nose. 

The fresh cut grass scent brought her back to her playing days as a child. It was the first place she felt a sense of total belonging. It was where she felt free.

"I miss it so much, Alex. Whatever happens, make sure you leave on your terms. If that means you're on top of your game, or you're unable to walk anymore, it's ok. Just do it for as long as it makes you happy."

...

"Come on, Jamie." Samuel held his little brother's hands and helped him walk from one end of the living room to the other. 

Both babies were walking, but they were still very wobbly. Sam took it upon himself to be a good big brother and help them balance. Ashlyn and Ali watched their two youngest boys cross the room back and forth. 

Ali held Bella, while Ash leaned against her, holding an affectionate Lexi in her lap. Ash lifted her head up slightly to get a good look at her wife's face and said, "Maybe by the time you retire Jamie and Bella will be ready to take your place."

Ali nodded and replied, "Even if they're not, Samuel can hold their hand while they run down the field."

Both women shared a laugh picturing their tiny babies looking drunk while trying to run.

"Oh Baby, I almost forgot. Are you gonna be around for Jacob's game tomorrow night?" Ali asked.

"You know it. I happen to be his biggest fan." Ash answered.

Ali rolled her eyes at her wife and thought about their talented all-star son. She imagined what it was going to be like being just a fan instead of a professional player. She knew it would be different, but she also knew it would be wonderful.

"It just so happens that I am his biggest fan!" Ali corrected her wife.

"No way!" Ash argued. 

Just as things were about to heat up, Lexi interrupted her parents and said, "Be quiet!"

Ali and Ash were shocked by their daughter's seemingly disrespectful outburst. They would've said something, but Lexi's next words calmed them down.

"Be quiet. Sam and Jamie need to concentrate."


	217. Weird

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. This chapter is a FLASHFORWARD.
> 
> 2\. This chapter contains several prompts.
> 
> 3\. I think all you weirdos are awesome.

“Where’s the great Bambino at?” Tobin asked. The Morgan-Heath’s had been invited for a big family dinner with the Krieger-Harris crew. They were promised that the entire family would be there. So far the free-spirited teenager had yet to show up. 

“He’s got a serious girlfriend now, ya know.” Ali said as an explanation. “He’s on cloud 9 these days.”

“Little Sammy has a girlfriend?” Alex chimed in. “My sweet little Sammy.”

“YOUR sweet little Sammy?” Tobin laughed at her wife. She had their third child in her arms. Their 4 year old daughter was squirming, trying to reach for her namesake. Ashlyn wasn’t helping matters. She was reaching out towards the little girl, trying to coax her out of her mother’s lap. 

Tobin finally paid enough attention to the situation that was happening in her lap, and gladly handed her daughter over before picking up where she left off with her wife. “Bam is MY sweet little Sammy...and he always will be.” She turned to Ali and asked, “Where is my boy, anyway? You sure he’s coming? I’ve been wanting to talk to him. He’s been on my mind lately.”

“I don’t know. He said he would be here.” Ali answered. “MY sweet Sammy is usually late. I’m sure he’s coming.” Ali knew that her son was a little flakey at times, but he always made an effort to be at family events. 

“Who cares about Sam.” Jake joked. “We can have lots of fun without that loser.” 

“Be nice!” Rachel said and kicked her husband under the table. “And take off your hat!” She added. “You should tell Tobin about how you refuse to take it off, even when we’re at church.”

“It’s my lucky hat. God doesn’t care.” Jacob replied. Tobin was glad to support his statement.

“All that matters is that you’re there.” Tobin said. “He’s looking at your heart, not your clothes.”

“Exactly! I told you!” Jake said cockily to his wife.

Ali chuckled to herself and looked to her wife to share a smile, but Ashlyn was busy playing with her little goddaughter and namesake. Ali glanced out through the glass doors leading to their backyard and saw the twins playing with Tobin and Alex’s 10 year old daughter and 8 year old son. She shook her head as she thought about how quickly time had passed. It felt like she had closed her eyes for just a second and her children had all grown up by the time she had opened them up again.

...

Samuel snuck into the house during a loud and heated game of charades. He found his big sister and gave her a quick side hug and kiss on the cheek. Right away Lexi noticed that something was off. Sam’s usual spark was gone. She watched as he greeted the rest of the family and their guests. He perked up and played the role of the life of the party as he was expected. But Lexi knew it was all a show. 

Samuel was hurting.

...

“So tell us about your new girlfriend.” Alex said. The family had finally settled down from their game night and the younger children were tired and quiet. Alex held little Ashlyn. The 4 year old was sleeping contently in her mother’s arms.

“Um...” Sam was noticeably uncomfortable with the question. “She couldn’t make it tonight.”

Lexi spoke up on behalf of her brother, “They’ve been dating for several months now.” As soon as Lexi caught her brother’s eyes she knew. The two of them had an entire conversation in the moment that passed as they held each other's eye contact. 

“Six months.” Sam corrected. His answer was more for his sister than for Alex. He was telling her to let it go. He was telling her to let him ‘play his role.’ She nodded slightly. 

“Ooh sounds serious. What’s she like?” Alex asked. 

“She’s cool. She’s pretty and smart. She likes sports.” Sam answered.

“That’s great.” Alex replied.

Tobin carefully watched the 18 year old boy who used to declare himself her ‘boyfriend.’ She had noticed the subtle interaction between him and Lexi earlier. Something was up.

Alex asked Ash and Ali what their opinion of the girl was. They both put in their two cents. Everything that was spoken was positive. Ashlyn seemed a little more reserved about giving her approval, but Ali quickly made fun of her for it. She claimed that Ashlyn was an overprotective Mama Bear that will never think anyone is good enough for her cubs. 

Ali had to amend her statement quickly and added “...except our Rachel, of course.”

...

Tobin knew time was running out. She wanted to wait for a time when it seemed to naturally happen, but Sam had been wedged in between Lexi and his Mama all night. As the little ones got sleepy and the adults were settling into serious conversation, he got quieter and quieter. Sam was in his senior year of high school and could easily have gone to his room to get away from the crowd, but he found great comfort in having his family close by.

“Sam-Bam, you wanna go for a quick walk with your first and most important girlfriend.” Tobin asked with a wink. 

“Oh, I don’t know. I wouldn’t want Alex to get jealous.” Sam answered with a big grin. Lexi was happy to see a sincere smile return to her little brother’s face.

“Just don’t keep her out too late. I keep her on a strict curfew.” Alex jokingly said and gave her sweet little Sammy permission to take her wife out for a walk.

Tobin pulled the teenager up off the couch and made a big dramatic deal about how heavy he was. As they made their way out the door they heard Alex call out, “Don’t try any funny business. She’s spoken for.”

Once they had left the house, Tobin threaded her arm through Sam’s. They walked a few blocks before a single word was spoken. It’s as if both of them knew there was something serious on the horizon.

“So, tell me what happened.” Tobin said, breaking their comfortable silence. 

Sam thought about avoiding the difficult subject he knew she was referring to. Somehow he knew that Tobin had already had him figured out.

“We broke up tonight.” Sam answered. He cleared his throat and with a shaky voice explained in more detail. “Actually, she dumped me.”

“Well...she’s obviously crazy.” Tobin said. She tightened her hold on Sam’s arm and said, “You wanna talk about it?”

“She said I was weird. She said at first I was interesting, but the more she got to know me, the more she realized it was more annoying than intriguing.” 

Tobin had never heard Samuel be anything but proud of himself. She was hearing hints of self shame. She hated the thought that he didn’t see how amazing he was. He was different, that was true. But what made him different, is also what made him awesome.

“That settles it...She is definitely crazy.” Tobin said. “You deserve better than for someone to treat you that way.” 

“She said I get too excited about things that don’t matter.” Sam replied. He stopped abruptly and said, “I love her...and I thought she felt the same way. I feel like nothing matters anymore.”

“That definitely hurts.” Tobin answered. She pulled on his arm and directed him to a nearby curb. After the two of them had sat down, she said, “Love is a hard thing sometimes.”

Tobin picked up a rock from the ground and absentmindedly polished it with the bottom hem of her shirt. She rubbed the rock clean as she spoke. “I know that there is absolutely nothing I can say to make you feel better. Healing is going to take some time. But what I can tell you is that if someone doesn’t love you for who you are, then they don’t deserve your love. I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but her breaking up with you is the best thing that could’ve ever happened to you. Don’t waste your time with people who don’t appreciate you for who you are.”

Sam exhaled loudly in disbelief. He wasn’t feeling like someone who had anything to appreciate.

“Dude, stop.” Tobin said and nudged Samuel’s arm.

“What?”

“Stop letting some stupid girl define your worth. You are different. That’s true. But your differences are what makes you awesome. For real...” Tobin dropped her rock and moved directly in front of Samuel so that he couldn’t escape her eyes. 

“I know what it’s like to be different. I also know what it’s like to feel like you have to hide and be something you’re not. That’s no way to live. It’s no good for you, and it’s no good for the people who love you. This world needs you. It needs you to be your authentic self. There is a reason that you are the way you are, and anyone with half a brain can see that you’re one of the most amazing people to ever walk on this earth.”

Sam shook his head in disbelief. Tobin had watched his eyes begin to water. She knew she had him. She knew he was really hearing her.

“Sam, whether you find a girl who sees you for who you are and celebrates what makes you different isn’t the point. The point is that you learn to celebrate those things in yourself, and live your life in a way that makes you happy. You are one of the kindest, most loving, generous, and passionate people I know. Those qualities are hard to come by these days. The world needs you to be true to yourself. Just be you. You’re pretty awesome.”

Sam stood to his feet and offered Tobin a hand and help up. “I’m not feeling too great right now, but...it’ll pass. If there’s anything I’ve learned from my Mama it’s that if you’re sad, then be sad, but make sure to stay hopeful that one day the sadness will get smaller. When the sadness gets smaller, I promise to remember what you said. I think being true to myself TODAY, means to feel sad. I don’t know if that makes sense.”

“That makes perfect sense.” Tobin replied.

...

When Sam and Tobin returned, Alex had the kids ready to go. It was late and the Morgan-Heath family needed to get to their hotel room in time to get a decent amount of sleep before their morning flight. In the past they would’ve slept at Ash and Ali’s house, but the many additions, in the form of children, made that difficult these days.

Sam helped carry out little Ashlyn and said goodbye. He excused himself from the rest of his family to turn in for the night. When he opened his bedroom door he found Lexi asleep in his bed. 

“Move over, dummy.” Sam said and nudged his sister far enough for him to lay down.

“Shut up, idiot.” Lexi answered through a yawn. “You guys broke up.” She added. It wasn’t a question. She already knew.

“She said she couldn’t live a lie anymore. The big dinner tonight with everybody made her feel pressured to do it today.”

“What else did she say?” Lexi asked. She was ready to hunt the girl down who broke her brother’s heart, but she first needed to find out the details.

“Don’t worry about it, Lex. She just made it clear that she wasn’t the one.” Sam answered. He covered his eyes with his hands and tried to hide. 

“Sam, why?” Lexi asked. She was dying to know the reason.

“Apparently, I’m not interesting anymore. I’m just weird and annoying.” Sam answered. Lexi heard a hint of anger in his voice.

“You ARE weird.” Lexi replied. “But you’re weird in a wonderful way, Sammy.” Lexi leaned into her brother and gave him a hug. Her brother who for almost a decade had been bigger than her in size, now seemed small. She felt like they were little kids again, and her little brother needed his big sister to comfort and protect him. 

“I love her, Lex. I thought she loved me too.”

“She doesn’t deserve you.”

“It hurts so much to find out that the person who is supposed to accept me for who I am, actually thinks I’m not good enough and that there’s something wrong with me.” Sam replied and wiped at his eyes.

“I accept you for who you are. I think you’re good enough. And I know that there’s nothing wrong with you. You’re my best friend and I couldn’t ask for a better person to trust with all of my secrets and feelings. I wouldn’t change a single thing about you.”

Those were the last words Sam heard before falling asleep.

...

Ashlyn snuck up behind her wife as she made breakfast for the family. She whispered, “Did you know that our son had a visitor in his bed this morning?”

Ali turned around frantically and with wide eyes asked, “Are you serious?”

Ash laughed and came clean. “It’s Lexi. I guess she never went to her dorm room last night.”

“Aw, that’s sweet.” Ali answered. “I love that those two are so close. “

“Yeah, it’s pretty awesome. They’re lucky to have each other. They actually remind me of you and Kyle.”

Ali thought for a moment and then shook her head in agreement. “I guess I never really thought about it before, but you’re right.”

Ash watched her wife smile as she thought about her children getting to have the same kind of bond that she had with her brother. She still cherished their relationship after all these years.

Ali’s thoughts were interrupted by the appearance of her 20 year old daughter and 18 year old son. 

“Good morning my beautiful children. How are you feeling today?” Ali asked.

“Weird...” Sam answered. “...in a good way.”


	218. Churro

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for brief strong language.

“Mama, I have a tummy ache.” Little Sam complained and climbed into his mother’s lap. He pressed his head against her chest and closed his eyes.

Ashlyn was on the couch doing some last minute studying for a test she had to take that day. She adjusted her book around Samuel and gave him half of her attention. 

“You do?” She responded. She was skimming through all of the highlighted parts of her reading assignments from the week before.

“Mama, I wanna stay home with you.” Sam begged. 

Ashlyn didn’t reply. Her full attention had gone back to her studying.

“Mamaaaaa.” Sam whined. He gave her face a light slap on the cheek. 

That got her attention.

“Sam-Bam, why did you do that?” Ash asked. The slap didn’t hurt but it was out of his loving and affectionate character to strike her.

“I wanna stay home with you.”

“Why?”

“MY TUMMY HURTS!” He yelled in frustration. Ashlyn had practically blocked him out of her attention. He was not used to that treatment.

“I’m sorry, buddy. But I have school. I’m not staying home.” Ash answered.

“But Mama, my tummy hurts.” He said holding back tears.

“Ok, I’m sorry.” Ash said and frantically tried to soothe her little boy. “We’ll figure something out.” Ash added. She pulled her son in for a comforting hug and pushed her book to the side. At that moment being a good mother was more important to her than being a good student.

...

Ali and Ashlyn both scrambled around their schedules and to-do lists to accommodate an extra child at home that day. Because he was sick, Ali couldn’t take him to practice. She had to miss half a day with the team to wait for Ashlyn to get home from school. Ash ended up skipping two classes to stay home with him.

Sam seemed completely fine the entire day. The women were suspicious that he was faking the sickness to miss school. They figured they weren’t going to be too hard on him. They could remember plenty of times when they wanted to skip school as a child. Even now Ash wished SHE could skip school everyday.

The next morning when Sam complained of the same mysterious tummy ache, they knew they had a problem.

“Sammy, Mama and I want to talk to you for a minute.” Ali said sweetly. The twins were napping and Jake and Lex were eating breakfast.

“Ok.” Sam whined nervously. What Ashlyn interpreted as Sam looking sick the day before now became clear. Little Samuel was scared.

Ashlyn placed a hand on her wife’s thigh to signal that she wanted to be the one to speak. Ash pulled the little boy into her lap and held him for a few moments before speaking. She wanted him to know he was safe.

“Buddy, you know we love you with our whole hearts, right?” Ash asked.

While keeping his face pressed against his Mama’s chest the little boy nodded his head up and down.

“You know you can tell us anything and it’s our job to keep you safe?”

He nodded.

“You know that you’re my favorite Bam and my best buddy?”

Sam smiled and said happily, “Yee-up!”

Ali leaned into her wife as an encouragement to keep going. Their son was coming around. Ashlyn responded by poking her fingers into his ticklish sides. The boy wiggled, giggled, and squirmed in his Mama’s lap. Both Ash and Ali gave him kisses all over his face. 

“You know what, Babe?” Ash said once the three of them had recovered from their tickling and kissing fest. “I think I’m gonna stay home today.” She announced.

Ali looked at her confused. That was not the plan.

“Sam-Bam and I are gonna spend the day together and maybe go to the zoo.” She explained. Before Ali could say a word she added, “AFTER you get back from practice, of course.”

“Hmm...” Ali hummed. She studied her wife’s face and ever so slightly nodded her approval of the new plan.

Ash whispered something into Samuel’s ear and after they both counted to three in unison they raced each other to give Ali ten kisses each. 

Sam claimed he was the champion. 

Ash claimed she let him win.

...

“Ugh...” Ash moaned. She spread out on a bench at the zoo. Her and Sam had visited all the animals and eaten too many churros. She put one hand around her son’s shoulders and another hand on her stomach. “Now, I’m the one with the tummy ache, Bam.”

Sam’s mouth was covered in cinnamon and sugar. His lips were chapped from him trying to lick them clean. The little guy LOVED churros. “Mama, can I have another one?” He asked.

“I’ll get you another one, but you have to answer a question for every bite you take. Deal?” Ash said. She stuck out her hand for the boy to shake.

He gladly placed his sticky hand in her’s and shook on it.

After Ash and Sam stood in line for another churro, they returned to the same bench. She adjusted the wrap around the sweet treat and let the boy have a free bite. After he had chewed and swallowed he went for another bite. Ash pulled it away and said, “Remember our deal, Bam?”

“Oh, yeah. I forgot.” Sam said happily. He didn’t know his Mama had an agenda.

“Why are you afraid to go to school?” Ash asked. She wasn’t pulling any punches. With the size of bites her son takes, she knew she would only have enough churro for a few questions.

Sam’s face dropped. All day he had forgotten about his problems because of the fun distractions Ashlyn had provided for him. 

It was time for Sam to face his fears.

“Mama, I don’t wanna say.” He cried. Ashlyn didn’t like being hard on him and making him cry, but she had to find out what was bothering her son.

“Sam, whatever it is, you can tell me. No matter what your problem is you can always count on me to help you.” Ash promised.

Samuel dug his face into Ashlyn’s side, trying to find a place to hide.

“Bam, you don’t need to be afraid to talk to me.” Ash said, while rubbing her son’s back. “I will always be on your side.”

“My teacher doesn’t like me.” Sam confessed. 

Ashlyn barely heard his muffled voice, but his sadness came through loud and clear.

“Buddy, I’m sure that’s not true.” 

“She yells at me and calls me dumb.” He explained.

That got Ashlyn’s attention.

Ash could actually feel a heat rise in her chest and neck. 

“She has called you dumb? Those were her exact words?” Ash asked. 

She didn’t want to confront his teacher unless she knew for sure that what Sam said was true and not just a misinterpretation of his teacher’s words or behavior.

“I always get in trouble and she says that if I paid attention I would be smart instead of dumb.”

Ashlyn pulled her phone out of her pocket and quickly checked the time. She debated what she wanted to do in the split second it took to check the time and put the phone away.

She took a deep and somewhat calming breath and said, “Sam-Bam, you are not dumb. You are smart and amazing. If anyone makes you feel differently, then they are the ones who are dumb.” 

Ash regretted saying the last part as soon as it came out. She cringed when she thought of her sweet son repeating those words to his teacher. She didn’t want to cause him more problems. 

“Sam, I don’t want you to ever call someone dumb...even if they are being dumb.”

Ash handed the boy the rest of the churro and tried to contain the fire that was burning inside her. Ashlyn rarely lost her temper, but Sam’s teacher had pushed her too far.

...

“I’m gonna kill that fucking teacher!” Ash whisper-yelled to her wife as they fed the twins in the kitchen. Sam was playing video games with Jake, while Lexi was waiting to have a turn. 

“Ashlyn Michelle!” Ali whisper-yelled in response. “Watch your mouth.” She said, while covering Bella’s ears. 

“Alex...”

Ash couldn’t even put the words together to express how angry she was. Ali was also angry, but she knew passionate cursing wasn’t going to help anything.

“I will address this. I promise you, we will take Sam out of school before we let her say hurtful things to our sweet boy again.” Ali vowed.

...

Ali did end up addressing the problem. She found out that the teacher was frustrated by Sam’s hyperactivity and responded incorrectly to the challenges he presented. She ended up apologizing to the boy and promising to be more patient and understanding in the classroom. 

Later that year they also found out that little Samuel was dyslexic. When he tried his very best to sit still and pay attention, he still had problems because his brain mixed up the letters and numbers that he was trying to work with. 

Through the process of finding out what way of learning worked best for the boy, they discovered that he had a near perfect memory when it came to verbal instructions. The learning specialist said that his ability to remember things he heard was why it took so long to find out about his learning disability. 

Sam would never be able to get the same kind of grades as Lexi easily earned, but no one would ever be able to question his intelligence or his effort. Ashlyn and Ali couldn’t be more proud of their amazing son.


	219. A Hundred More Times

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a FLASHFORWARD chapter.

Ali watched her wife carefully as she took a long swig of orange juice straight from the bottle. Ashlyn tightened the lid back on and placed the almost empty container back into the refrigerator. On any other day Ali would’ve chastised her for doing something she had been asked not to do a million times since they had gotten married. 

That morning Ashlyn received a call from her brother. Their father had been released from prison two weeks prior. She had already known that detail. The news she found out was that he had been killed in a bar fight. 

Ali knew that it was a complicated situation. She knew that it was possible for Ashlyn to feel nothing for the loss of her father. However, there was a chance she would feel something. Ali didn’t know what to expect. All she really knew was that at the moment, Ash was acting like everything was fine.

Ali’s eyes followed Ashlyn from the kitchen to the living room. Ash plopped down on the couch next to their fourteen year old twins. They were watching a soccer game before their soccer practice later that day. Jamie was leaning against Bella and when Ash sat down Bella leaned up against her. 

Ali found a seat next to Ash and put her arm along the top of the couch. She twirled Ashlyn’s hair with her fingers and stared intently at her wife’s face. Ashlyn seemed fine. She was focused on the game. Ali had to laugh at the zoned out look on her wife’s face. Everything else was gone from Ashlyn’s mind. Both twins had the exact same look on their faces as their Mama. No one could ever question that they had Ashlyn’s DNA. 

No one but Ali heard Ashlyn’s phone ring. Ash and the twins were too engrossed in the close match on television. Ali rolled her eyes and kissed her wife’s cheek before snatching Ash’s phone from the coffee table and answering it.

“Hello, Sweetheart.” Ali answered. She knew it was her oldest son based on the silly picture her wife had as his caller ID pic. 

“You’re not Mama.” Jake answered.

“You are very perceptive, my son.” Ali replied with a joking tone. “What’s up?”

“I was just wondering what the travel plans are. Rachel told me that you called and about Mama’s dad. When are we leaving?” Jake asked. 

“WE are not leaving. She doesn’t want you kids there. You know how she is with her father.” 

“Mom, she can’t go alone.” Jake argued.

Ali laughed at her very protective and sweet son. “Sweetheart, she won’t be alone. I am going with her. Sam and my dad will stay here with the twins.”

“Mom, we all need to be there. Maybe not the twins because they have school, but we all need to be there.” 

“Jacob...” Ali interrupted. “I love that you want to be there and that your heart is so big. But your Mama needs to be able to deal with this however she wants. She honestly seems fine. But if she does end up struggling with things, she will be ok. I’ll be there with her.” 

Jacob didn’t like the thought of his parents leaving without him. He could remember another time a long time ago when Ashlyn got a call about her father. It was when she was asked to testify against him. Ashlyn assured both Jacob and Ali that she could handle it alone. 

Jake had begged Ali to let him go with her. Out of respect for Ashlyn’s wishes, Ali made him stay home with the rest of the family. Things got bad for Ash. After she had gotten there, she broke down. Ali ended up making a last minute trip to Florida to be with her. Jacob didn’t want his Mama to go through something like that again without him.

Unfortunately, Ali was resolute about honoring Ashlyn’s request.

...

“Hey, sis.” Chris said and hugged both Ashlyn and Ali. He was in charge of picking them up and taking them to their grandmother’s house. Chris quickly grabbed the couple’s luggage before they could object, and led them out to his car. 

“Remember she’s old. Handle with care.” Chris said to Ash when they arrived at the house. Their grandmother was in her eighties and still full of life. However, her body was showing signs of her age and Chris had moved in to help her with her everyday needs.

“I know, Chris. We were here a few months ago for her birthday.” Ash answered. “Don’t be dumb. I’m not going to break our grandma.”

Ali squeezed her wife’s hand to signal that she needed to behave. Her brother was trying to be thoughtful and that wasn’t a common occurrence. Taking care of the beloved matriarch of the family brought out the best in him.

The quiet reunion between Ashlyn and her grandmother was sweet. Grandma Harris’ voice was quiet and shaken but her heart was as loud as ever. She pulled her granddaughter down close enough to let their foreheads rest against each other and said, “I love you, my sweet girl.”

Ali watched the interaction with tears threatening to spill. She could not imagine the day when they would have to come for the elderly woman’s funeral. She knew that her wife would not be able to handle losing the woman who gave so much to love and protect her. 

“He didn’t deserve you.” Grandma Harris said, referring to her son.

“He didn’t deserve you, either.” Ash replied and kissed her grandmother’s cheek.

Grandma Harris was dealing with the loss of her son. She had to plan a funeral and bury her own child. Ashlyn told Ali that if it wasn’t for her grandmother needing her support, she would let the man rot without a care. She was there for her grandmother and brother only. 

Ali suspected that Ashlyn’s resolve to feel nothing for her father would change the closer they got to the funeral. She was expecting to have some kind of emotional breakdown happen while they were in Florida. Ali was on high alert and in over protective wife mode.

...

“Do we really need to get him flowers?” Chris complained. The funeral costs were really adding up. Finances were part of what Chris helped his grandmother with. If he had his way, his father’s funeral wouldn’t cost his grandmother anything. 

“It’s the right thing to do.” Ali answered. 

She had taken over the planning to help alleviate some of the stress from Grandma Harris. Even though he didn’t deserve it, Ashlyn’s father still had his mother’s tender heart loving him. Grandma was getting overly stressed out by Chris and Ashlyn’s constant complaining whenever she would suggest something nice for her son’s funeral. Ali stepped in and promised to honor her wishes. 

“Who cares about the ‘right’ thing to do?” Chris commented bitterly. “He never cared about the ‘right’ thing to do. This funeral is going to cost a fortune. Grandma can barely pay for her monthly medications. I’m putting my foot down.” Chris demanded.

Ali looked at her wife for some help. She had an idea, but needed Ash to be on board before she offered. She tried to wordlessly communicate her thoughts to her wife, but it was no use. Ash made no indication that she understood.

The truth was, Ash did understand. She knew exactly what her wife was thinking, but she didn’t know if she wanted to go along with it. 

“Baby, can I talk to you for a minute in private?” Ali asked. She stood up and started to walk out of the room. It really wasn’t a question at all. Ash followed her wife slowly. She wasn’t convinced that she was in support of her wife’s brilliant idea.

“Sweetheart,” Ali began. She put her hand on her wife’s chest and said, “What do you think about us paying for the funeral?” Ali could tell by her wife’s face and silent stare that Ash was not excited about it. “I just think it would be a big help...for your grandmother’s sake.”

That was all she needed to say.

“I guess.” Ash agreed. “For grandma. NOT for him.” She clarified.

Ali looped her arm in Ashlyn’s and pulled her back to the table where they had been planning the funeral arrangements. She announced her idea and Chris shook his head in disbelief. Grandma Harris clutched her heart and thanked them for the next several minutes. It meant the whole world to her that they would be so generous for her sake.

...

“Are you kidding me, Ash?” Chris whispered. He had grabbed his sister’s arm and pulled her into the kitchen to talk to her away from their grandmother.

“What is your problem?” Ash asked as she yanked her arm out of his grip.

“Why are you paying for that bastard’s funeral?”

“It’s not for him. It’s for Grandma.” Ash answered.

Chris shook his head in disapproval and said, “Listen, you guys already give money every month for her care. It’s more than enough. You shouldn’t have to take this on too.”

“Christopher, I wouldn’t do it if it was about him. It’s about our Grandmother feeling like she has done all she can for her son. I know it doesn’t make sense, but if any my boys turned evil, I would want to do the same thing. I could never stop loving my children. So...this is for her. This is so she can go to sleep at night and know that there was nothing more she could’ve done.” Ash said. She swallowed hard and said, “Even up until the day he gets lowered into the ground, she will know that she was a good mother to him.”

Chris exhaled loudly and replied, “Fine. It must be exhausting being you.”

Ash pushed her brother and said, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You always take the high road. I could never do it. I’m not that good of a person.” Chris answered.

“Yeah, you’re pretty terrible. You gave up your whole life to move in with an eighty year old woman to take care of her and keep her safe. You’re such a horrible person!” Ash replied sarcastically.

Ash nudged her brother back into the living room to join Grandma Harris and Ali in a game of cards. She stopped to give her grandmother and wife a kiss before sitting down. It was in that moment that she knew she had made the right decision to go along with her wife’s suggestion. The sparkle in her grandma’s eyes as she played a simple card game confirmed it.

...

The funeral was simple and small. It was about a twenty minute graveside service. Ali stood as close as she possibly could to her wife and held tightly to her hand. Grandma was sandwiched between both of her beloved grandkids. The family pastor finished his message by reading the 23rd Psalm, just as Grandma Harris had requested. 

The atmosphere was heavy and quiet. Ali felt her wife shake. It was a brief moment and a slight movement, but she felt it. She squeezed Ashlyn’s hand and turned to whisper support into her ear, when suddenly the silence was broken.

It was unmistakeable. It was the familiar sound of their oldest daughter shushing her brothers in a moment that was supposed to be quiet and reverent.

Ali looked behind them and sure enough, her three adult children, dressed in black, were walking side by side toward them. Her first thought was to join her daughter in telling the boys to quiet down. Her second thought was of her wife. Ashlyn had finally cracked. It took seeing their children to do it. 

Sam was the first of the children to see his Mama break. He sprinted to her. He put his arms around her from behind and let her rest her weight against his frame. Ash turned toward him and embraced him fully. 

Lexi hugged Ali, and Jake put an arm around his great grandmother. The family stayed in a huddle until Ashlyn, Chris, and most importantly Grandma Harris, were ready to leave.

...

Sam had fallen asleep to the sound of his brother and sister explaining the details of what had brought them to Florida. Ali gladly supported her sweet Samuel’s head on her shoulder as he slept. 

“Jacob didn’t give me a choice. He told me I HAD to come with him.” Lexi laughed.

“Whatever...” Jake replied. “You already had your bag packed before I even called you.”

Ash nodded toward her sleeping son and asked, “What about him?” 

“Sam?” Lexi asked. Once Ash had confirmed that she was asking about Samuel, Lexi answered. “He didn’t even give it a second thought. We showed up at the house and told him he was coming with us. He grabbed his wallet and phone and followed us to the car. He didn’t even say anything when we got to the airport.”

“I don’t think he even knew where we were going at first.” Jake answered with a chuckle.

“My second favorite free-spirit.” Ali said and winked at her wife, who just happened to be her first favorite free-spirit.

...

The kids had left the morning after. All three of them had work or school that they couldn’t miss. That afternoon Ali and Ashlyn walked hand in hand along the shore of the beach by Grandma Harris’ house. 

“You doing ok, Baby?” Ali asked. She hadn’t ceased to worry about her wife.

“Yeah, I’m doing fine. I know you’re worried. I promise I’m fine, though.” Ash answered. She bent down and picked up a rock and skipped it over the calm ocean water. “You know, Babe...” Ash continued. She handed Ali a stone of her own to throw and waited until she tossed it into the water. “I’m fine because I have you and the kids. I’ll be honest, I was feeling kinda bad when I first heard about my father’s death. I was thinking about how horrible he was and how traumatic my family life was....and then it hit me...” 

Ash paused long enough to drive her wife crazy with curiosity. 

“WHAT HIT YOU? Why do you do this to me? It’s just plain mean!” Ali complained

Ash laughed and faced her wife. She took her in her arms and said, “It hit me that my family is perfect. I am the luckiest woman in the world to have you and the kids. My loser father had no effect on my happily ever after.” Ash pulled her wife into a hug and said, “Our kids confirmed yesterday that I’ve got more people than I could ever ask for loving me. I’m really happy, Alex. You make me happy. Our life together makes me happy.”

Ali lifted her lips to reach Ashlyn’s and delivered a soft kiss before saying, “Your happiness makes me happy.”

“I’ll make you a deal.” Ash said. “Let’s be happy together forever.”

Ali pretended to think about the offer. She tapped her chin and made a humming sound. Ash was running out of patience. The sweet moment was over. Ash smirked before grabbing her wife and throwing her like a rock into the ocean. 

Ali wasn’t surprised. If anything she was shocked that she had made it that long without getting wet. Her ‘first favorite free-spirit’ wife had done that to her hundreds of times before. 

She was ready to make the deal with Ashlyn. 

Ali hoped Ash would be around forever. 

Even if it meant she would be tossed into the ocean a hundred more times.


	220. Brothers &  Sisters (Part One)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. This is a FLASHFORWARD chapter.
> 
> 2\. Warning: There is mention of violence. (No descriptive details.)

Ali heard the garage door open and knew that her wife was home. The few moments it took her wife to gather her things and enter the house made Ali have to wait longer than she would've liked. The extra time built up her excitement to see Ashlyn.

“Baby, you’re home!” Ali announced. She grabbed her wife in a hug and lifted her a few inches off the floor.

“What the heck is going on around here?” Ash asked. “Are you drunk?” She couldn’t understand why her wife seemed so delighted to see her.

“Why is it that you always assume I’m drunk?” Ali asked with a laugh. She playfully slapped her wife’s stomach and asked, “What is it about our past experiences that makes you ask me that so much?”

Ash shrugged and answered, “I don’t know. You just seem really into me being home. It’s weird.”

“Is it so hard to believe that I actually miss you when you’re gone?”

Ali’s sweet response made Ash feel a little guilty for questioning her in the first place. She changed her tone and answered, “Thanks, Babe. I missed you too.” 

Ash bent down slightly to meet Ali’s lips with her own and tried to make amends. Ashlyn thought about heating things up but her stomach distracted her. She was starving!

“Babe, what smells so good?” Ash said and started searching the kitchen for the source of the delicious scent. 

“I made your favorite. It’s in the oven. I wasn’t expecting you so early.” Ali answered.

Ash quickly pecked Ali on the cheek as she made her way to the refrigerator. Ash gnawed on a few baby carrots and gave her attention back to her wife. “Thanks for making that.” She said and nodded towards the oven.

“Anything for my one and only.” Ali replied. She was acting extra lovey dovey. 

“What is going on with you, Babe? Don’t get me wrong. I’m not complaining, I’m just wondering.”

“Ash, I’ve been home alone all day, and I’ve just really been missing you. I can’t help it. I’m extra sentimental today.” 

Ashlyn finished her snack of the carrots and made a snack of her wife. She began to kiss and suck on her neck. Ali’s head began spinning. Her wife had finally given her the attention she had been seeking. As Ali moaned in pleasure they heard the front door open.

Bella announced her and Jamie’s presence. She stopped suddenly when she saw Ash basically holding up Ali, who was coming undone, in her arms.

“Hello, parents.” Bella said slowly. She wanted them to know that she had caught them.

Ashlyn didn’t care. “Hello, daughter.” She replied. “How was school?” 

“Fine. I aced my math test.” Bella answered. 

Jamie walked past the three females of the house and tried to make his escape. He was not in the mood to talk about school.

“What’s wrong with him?” Ash asked and gestured toward her retreating son. Ali was still recovering from getting worked up. She hid her flushed face behind Ashlyn’s shoulder.

“He didn’t ace the math test.” Bella answered. 

It wasn’t an uncommon occurrence for Bella to do well in school and for Jamie to barely make a passing grade. It wasn’t that he wasn’t smart enough to get good grades. The truth was he was having a difficult time paying attention.

Ashlyn waited for her wife to settle down enough to maintain a conversation with their daughter, before checking on Jamie. Once Ali was back to her old self, Ash left to find her son.

...

Samuel had fallen asleep after a long shift at work. He hadn’t heard Lexi let herself into his small apartment. She didn’t waste any time waking him up. She shook him until he opened his eyes. He was a few seconds away from grumbling at her, but was stopped by the look of terror on her face. Lexi’s face not only showed fear, but also bruises and a bloody lip. 

Adrenaline woke Samuel up immediately.

“What happened? Who did this to you?” Sam asked. He sat up and gently touched his sister’s bruised cheek.

“You have to promise me you won’t say anything to anyone. And you won’t do anything.” Lexi begged. She didn’t want her little brother and best friend to make things worse.  


 Sam didn’t make any promises. He simply asked again, “WHO DID THIS TO YOU?”

“I’m serious, Sammy!” Lex answered. “You can’t do or say anything. If you do I will never speak to you again. I’m not kidding. Can I trust you?” 

The way Sam’s brilliant sister had worded her request made Sam feel like he had no choice but to agree to her terms. He nodded and agreed before saying, “Fine. Tell me what happened.”

“I’ve been dating this guy. He umm...” Lexi paused to try and collect her emotions before she was so taken by them that she couldn’t speak. “He wanted to do things that I wasn’t ready for. At least not with him.”

“So he hurt you because you wouldn’t sleep with him.” Sam said, getting straight to the point.

“Yeah.” Lex said and then added, “He said I led him on. Maybe I did. I shouldn’t have...”

Just as Lexi was about to make an excuse for his behavior and blame herself, Sam cut her off.

“Don’t be stupid, Lex. He probably told you that, right? He told you it was your fault? That’s the oldest trick in the book. He’s trying to shame you instead of take responsibility for something that HE should be ashamed of. Who is this guy?”

Sam was fuming. His whole body was shaking. Lexi felt that she had made a terrible mistake by telling him. It would’ve been easier if she would have just let it go.

“I’m not stupid, Sam. I’m just saying. He thought I was going to let him do more...”

The more Lexi talked the more angry Samuel got. He stood up from his bed and walked away from his sister. He couldn’t stand to listen to her excuses. Lexi started to cry as she sat on his unmade bed. She put her face in her hands and tried to pull herself together. She needed her brother’s support. She needed him to be strong for her. Now she felt like he was ashamed of her weakness and didn’t want to be around her anymore. 

As Lexi sat there trying to figure out what to do, she heard Samuel come back. He had his bathroom mirror in his hands. He held it up to her face and said, “Is this who you want to be?”

Lexi stared at her face. She felt like she was looking at a stranger. She wasn’t raised to think so low of herself. She was raised to be strong and know that she was worth more than how she had been treated. She pushed the mirror from her brother’s hands until it fell safely to the mattress and pulled him into a hug. 

Samuel reminded her that she was strong enough on her own.

...

Ashlyn knocked on her teenage son’s door. She waited for a response but he didn’t answer. She could hear him moving around inside. She knew he was ignoring her.

She knocked again and slowly opened the door. As she entered she said, “I know you don’t want to talk to me, but I’m coming in.”

Ash made her way over to her son and patted his leg. He was lying down on his bed and was completely covered in his comforter.

“Jame, what’s going on? Is it about your math test?” She asked, remembering what Bella said about the test.

Ash heard her son’s muffled response. “No!” 

“Son, you need to sit up and talk to me.” Ash said with a serious tone. 

Jamie pulled his blankets from his head and sat up against his headboard. It was hard for him to get started. He swallowed hard a few times, trying to say what was on his mind, but he kept getting stopped by his own insecurities.

“Jamie, I know what’s it’s like to feel overwhelmed by feelings.” Ash said. She pushed herself up next to him and put her arm around his shoulders. “What’s going on?”

Jamie turned toward his mother and rested his head on her shoulder. “I feel sad. I feel sad ALL the time. When I’m at school it’s hard to concentrate. When I have to take tests or have to speak in front of everyone, I get really nervous. I feel like there’s a heavy weight on my chest. It hurts to breathe sometimes.”

Ashlyn was all too familiar with the things her son was sharing. She had experienced all of it herself. Ash pulled her son into a hug. She limited her words, she knew if it could be talked away, her son wouldn’t be feeling this way. Ashlyn sat with her son and listened to him when he felt like sharing. The rest of the time she held him and just let him know that he wasn’t alone in his suffering.

...

Ali had invited the whole family over for dinner that night. As usual, Sam was running late. However, this time it wasn’t his fault.

“Lex, what are you doing?” Sam complained. He had been waiting on Lexi to finish getting ready for almost a half hour. Though Samuel had suggested that they cancel with their parents, Lex insisted that they go.

“I’m ready.” Lex said, as she finally left the bathroom. “Maybe it wouldn’t have taken so long of you didn’t rip the mirror off of the wall.”

When Sam went looking for a mirror to show Lex her face, he couldn’t find one except for the one attached to the wall over the sink in his bathroom. 

“I needed it.” Sam replied. He was shocked when he finally got a look at his sister. “How did you do that?”

“How did I do what?”

“Your face. It looks normal.” Sam answered, completely amazed.

“It’s called make-up. It can do miracles.” Lexi explained. She almost felt lighthearted about the whole situation because of her brother’s ignorance about the wonders of make-up. 

The lightheartedness didn’t last long.

Lexi watched as her brother’s eyes filled with fear before he asked, “Have you had to do this before, Lex?”

Lexi felt a twinge of pain in her chest when she realized that Samuel was hurting for her sake. She reached out towards him, wanting to bring him comfort. Her hand rested on his arm when she said, “Sammy, please don’t feel bad. It’s not a big deal.”

Sam pulled his arm away from her and and started pacing back and forth. “I don’t even know you anymore. Why are you with someone who hurts you?”

“It’s only happened a few times. It’s not like it’s a regular thing.”

“Who is doing this to you?” Sam yelled. He wasn’t much of a yeller, but this was too much for him to take.

“I’m not telling you. You’re acting crazy. And don’t yell at me!” Lexi demanded. 

“So, you’re willing to stand up for yourself to me, who has never tried to hurt you, but not to the guy who hits you?” Sam answered. He grabbed his keys and jacket and said, “Let’s go. I’m done trying to talk to you.”

Lexi followed her brother knowing that he was right to be frustrated with her.

The ride to their parents’ house was tense. Lexi felt bad for treating Sam like he was the bad guy. Sam was internally conflicted. He felt angry, sad, worried, and guilty all at the same time. He was so focused on his thoughts that he didn’t hear his sister trying to get his attention. Lexi knew him well enough to know he wasn’t ignoring her on purpose.

Once Sam had parked his truck in his parents’ driveway, Lex grabbed his arm and begged, “Sam, please don’t tell Mom, and especially Mama.”

Sam’s eyes were glossy. He had been struggling with his emotions for his sister to the point of tears threatening to spill. He nodded slightly and wordlessly left the vehicle. Lexi followed behind him. Sam was noticeably conflicted. He looked sick. Lexi stopped him before he could open the door. 

On the front porch she pulled him into a hug and told him, “Sammy, I wish you wouldn’t worry so much about me. I won’t let it happen again. Please don’t feel bad.”

Sam stood still with his arms flat against his sides. He didn’t return the hug. He was too upset and emotionally confused to respond. She kissed his cheek and pulled him in a little tighter before letting go and going inside.

Samuel stayed behind for a few moments to collect himself. He shuffled in just as his sister was commenting on the hickey their mother had on her neck.

“Seriously, Mom. Aren’t you too old to have one of those?” Lexi joked. She was doing her best to hide the fact that she was a wreck.

Sam whispered in her ear as he passed by, “Maybe you should teach her how to cover it up.”

Lexi got lost in the moment and watched her brother go straight to the backyard without acknowledging any of his family members. Ali picked up on the situation right away. It was clear that her children were in the middle of some sort of fight. 

“Lexi, what’s going on with him?” Ali asked.

“Umm...” Lex hummed. 

She kept her eyes on Sam. She could see him through the glass doors that led to the backyard. Sam went to his ‘safe place’ from when he was a little boy. He climbed into the slide that attached to their old treehouse. 

“Umm...” Lexi started again. “He’s grumpy. I’m sure he’ll be ok.” 

“I hope so.” Ali replied. 

“I hope so, too.” Lexi said, letting it slip that she was unsure about Sam’s welfare. 

...

“Mama, why do I feel like this?” Jamie asked. 

He was resting in Ashlyn’s arms. Ali, Lexi, and Bella were downstairs finishing the preparations for dinner. Sam was sulking in the backyard and Jake and his family were on vacation. If Jamie didn’t start feeling better, he was going to be noticeably absent from the rest of the family. Ash was doing the best she could to let him know that he didn’t have to worry about anyone’s expectations. He was allowed to feel however he needed to feel. 

“Unfortunately, it runs in the family.” Ash answered her son. “I’m sorry you feel this way.” 

“Sometimes, I feel like there’s no release for my pain.” Jamie admitted. He wanted to be honest with his mother. He had been keeping a secret from everyone, even his twin sister.

“I hate hearing that you’re in pain. Maybe it’s time we see a doctor.” Ash replied.

“I’m afraid.” Jamie said and pressed his face into Ashlyn’s shoulder.

Ashlyn wanted to tell him everything would be ok, but her intuition and experience told her to keep her mouth shut.

Jamie, took a deep breath and sat up. He looked Ashlyn in the eyes and said, “Mama, I have to tell you something.”


	221. Brothers & Sisters (Part Two)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. This is a FLASHFORWARD chapter.
> 
> 2\. Warning for mild violence and mention of self harm. (no descriptive details)

“Bell, can you go get your Mama and brother?” Ali asked. 

Dinner was almost done cooking, the table was set, and Ali was ready to get everyone together to talk and eat. She loved having her family around the table and filling them up with both food and love. The conversations she shared with her wife and children at family dinners were precious to her. She also felt that this would be a perfect time to help Lexi and Sam fix whatever was going on between them. 

Just as Bella was heading upstairs to get Ashlyn and Jamie, the door bell rang. Lex signaled to her Mom that she would get it so Ali could continue to put the finishing touches on dinner. 

“Hey, Joey.” Lex said and opened the door wide for him to enter. “Sam’s out back.”

“Oh, um, no he’s not. He called me and told me to come over.” Joey, Sam’s long-time friend, answered.

“Wait a minute.” Ali interrupted. “Why did you say he’s not here? He’s in the backyard.” 

“Actually, he left. He took his truck. He told me to come here and give Lexi a ride if he wasn’t back by the time she was ready to go.” Joey explained.

“What?!” Lexi searched through her purse for her phone. She wanted to call Sam and yell at him. She internally freaked out when she realized her phone was gone. “Can I use someone’s phone, please?” She asked.

Ali pulled her cell out of her pocket and handed it to her. She shared a confused look with Joey and told him to help her in the kitchen. Meanwhile Lexi excused herself to a private area and called her brother.

Sam didn’t answer. She had to settle for his voicemail.

“Sam! I know what you’re doing. DON’T! Just come back to the house. We can talk about this. Please...please, don’t do anything stupid.” Lexi begged. She took a deep breath to steady her voice and added, “I love you, Sammy. Please just come home.”

...

Bella poked her head into her brother’s room and said, “Mom says it’s time for dinner.” 

At the sound of his sister’s voice, Jamie hurried to cover what he had just shown Ashlyn. The two of them shared a heavy secret. 

...

Dinner wasn’t anything like Ali had envisioned. Besides herself, Bella and Joey were the only people who were talking. She could clearly see that her wife wasn’t in any shape to carry on a conversation. She had no idea what was bothering Ashlyn and Jamie, but she knew she shouldn’t ask while everyone was present. Ash and Jamie shared a look of deep sorrow.

Ali kept a watchful eye on the two of them for the rest of the evening.

...

Sam scanned the coffee shop and found an empty table in the back corner. After ordering a small black coffee that he had no intention of drinking, he sat at the table and watched the front door. He checked his watch and knew that the time he had been waiting for had come.  


 Samuel typed out a message on his sister’s phone and waited for a reply. 

The message came almost immediately. It was short but to the point. 

“I’m close, baby.”

Sam felt his anger rise in his chest. He waited until a college age man walked in and sent another message to make sure it was the right person. When the man checked his phone, Sam stood up and quickly made his way to him. He pushed him back out the door and lifted him up by the collar. 

He slammed him against the brick outside wall of the coffee shop and said, “Let me make one thing clear. You will never see my sister again. If Lexi calls you or texts you, you will ignore her. If I ever see you anywhere near her, I promise you I will put you in the hospital.”    


Sam kneed him in the groin, causing him to lean forward. Sam bent down close to his ear and said, “And if you ever lay a finger on my sister again, I will KILL you!”

He kneed him one more time and then pushed him to the ground. By the time Lexi’s boyfriend rolled over Samuel had disappeared. He had a family dinner to get to.

...

The family was surprised by Sam’s sudden return. He tossed Lexi’s phone at her and took a seat in between Joey and his mother. He grabbed a roll and stuck it in his mouth before filling his plate with food. Lexi scrolled through her text messages and pieced together what her brother had done. 

Her eyes rose to meet her brother’s stare. Sam was daring her to say something in front of their parents. He took a bite of his dinner roll and chewed it with his mouth wide open to be as obnoxious as possible. Lexi always hated when he did that.

Ali couldn’t ignore Lexi and Sam’s behavior. She interrupted their staring contest. “What is going on with you two?”

Samuel gave his mother his full attention and answered, “Ask Lex.”

Lexi stood abruptly from the table and said, “Sam, can I speak with you outside?” 

Samuel got up without argument and led the way. The two siblings left everyone to gawk at them in confusion. They watched their heated argument through the glass sliding doors from their view inside.

...

As soon as Lexi slid the door closed she slapped her brother in the back of the head. “What is wrong with you? I told you to leave it alone. What did you do?”

“I didn’t do anything. Calm down.” Sam answered. He grabbed her by the shoulders to hold her still and keep her from hitting him again.

“Calm down? Sam what you did is no better than what he did.” 

Lexi’s words caught Sam by surprise. He wasn’t anything like an abusive boyfriend, and the fact that his sister would say he was made him get defensive. 

“Lex, I am nothing like him!”

“You did something that I asked you not to do. You forced more violence into my life. Is that what you were trying to accomplish when you beat up my boyfriend? And by the way, he was my soon to be EX-boyfriend.”

“I didn’t beat anyone up. I respected your wishes. If it wasn’t for you I would’ve just ran him over with my truck and been done with it.” Sam replied. 

“You met him and didn’t hit him?” Lex asked. She didn’t believe him. She felt it would be impossible for Sam to be in the same place with someone who had hurt her without trying to settle the score.

“I said I didn’t ‘beat him up.’” Sam clarified. “I might have kneed him in the balls a couple of times. But that’s it. Honest.” Sam smirked and said, “Lex, you’re a strong woman. You’re brilliant and beautiful. You can handle things on your own. But you’re also my sister. You’re someone important to me and I guess I kinda love you a little bit.” 

Lexi laughed at her little brother’s wording. Her smile broke the ice. The tension dissipated. 

“Lex, we’re family. That means we back each other up...even if we can handle things on our own. I’m sorry if I upset you. But I couldn’t stand the thought of someone hurting you. Maybe that makes me weak or a bad person, but...I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t stand that someone would do that to you.” 

“You’re so stupid.” Lex said under her breath. And then she hugged her brother. “I guess I kinda love you too, ya big dummy.”

...

After dinner the family watched a movie together at the house. Ashlyn and Jamie were still quiet, but with the reconciliation of Lexi and Samuel the house was filled with laughter and conversation.

At one point in the evening the popcorn supply was dangerously low. Ali and Ashlyn left the living room to reload on the favorite movie snack. The couple finally had some time alone to talk about what was bothering Jamie and Ash.

With the sound of the microwave whirring in the background Ali asked, “Baby, what’s going on? I’m worried about you.” 

Ali took her wife’s hand with both of her hands and brought it to her chest. “Ash, I know something serious is going on.”

Ashlyn was doing her best to hold it together, but she was close to her breaking point. “I feel guilty. I feel like I’m a horrible parent.” Ash confessed. 

“Sweetheart, what are talking about?” Ali asked. She pulled her wife into a hug and waited for her to catch her breath.

“It’s my fault.” Ash said. Her voice sounded small and weak. 

“What’s your fault?”

“Jamie...” Ash started. It hurt her to have to tell Ali the painful truth. “Our son has been cutting.”

“Cutting what?” Ali asked. She couldn’t imagine that her son would ever hurt himself on purpose.

“Alex, he’s cutting himself. He says he hurts so much, and it releases the pain for a moment.” Ash explained. She felt an anxiety attack coming. She went straight for Ali’s purse that was laying on the counter. She knew Ali always had her anxiety medication in her purse in case of an emergency.

Ali quickly perceived what Ash was doing and got her wife a bottle of water from the refrigerator. She instructed her to take her medicine, sit down, and focus on her breathing. 

Once Ash had calmed down she said, “This is because of me. He got this from my side of the family. It’s all my fault.”

Ali sat down next to Ash feeling stunned. “Our son is hurting himself.” She stated. It was more for her own sake. She was having a difficult time believing it. “I just thought he struggled with anxiety. This is something I never could have imagined. What are we gonna do?”

Ali was too shocked to think about trying to ease her wife’s guilt. She didn’t blame Ashlyn, but her silence convinced Ashlyn that she did.

“We have to get him help. We have to do it tomorrow. I’ll take him tomorrow.” Ash said. She wasn’t going to let a day go by without helping her son move forward.

“What about your work?” Ali asked. “I can take him. I have the day off.” 

“Work doesn’t matter. Besides, I’m the boss. I’ll close the place down before I have to miss taking him. I need him to know that I understand how he feels and that getting help is more important than anything else.” Ash answered.

Ali leaned into Ashlyn and rested against her. “I’m going with you.” She said. She kissed her wife’s shoulder and glanced at the microwave that had finished cooking their popcorn long ago. “We should probably get back to movie night.” 

“I’ll be there in a minute.” Ash said. She needed a little more time to compose herself.

Ali returned to the family with the popcorn and left Ashlyn alone to recover from her anxiety attack.

...

After Joey, Lex, and Sam had left, the family got ready for bed. Ash and Ali sat with Jamie for a while before going to their own bedroom for the night. Both women hurt for their son. They hated leaving him alone.

What they didn’t know was that Bella was waiting for them to leave. She had overheard her parents talking about Jamie in the kitchen when she left the living room during the movie to get something to drink. 

She was devastated.

Jamie had his lights turned out. It was completely dark in his room. She snuck in and sat on his bed. Her brother knew she was there before she even sat down. 

Bella got right down to the point, “Why didn’t you tell me, J?” She patiently waited for a response.

He spoke into the darkness, “I didn’t think you would understand. I didn’t want you to be disappointed in me.”

“Jamie, I could never be disappointed in you.”

“You’re practically perfect. I’m practically worthless.” Jamie explained.

Bella knew that her brother had been feeling down lately. She assumed it was because of his school work. Jamie hated school. It didn’t come as easily for him as it did for her. The fact that the closest person to her had kept a secret so big from her, was devastating. She didn’t know if she should be hurt or angry.

Bella searched for her brother in the dark. When she found him she laid down next to him, hugged him and replied, “I wish you would talk to me when you’re feeling bad. It always helps me when I talk to you.”

“Sometimes it’s hard to talk.” He said.

Bella squeezed her brother tightly and said, “Promise me, you’ll try.”

“I promise.”

...

Ash and Ali stood side by side at their bathroom sink as they brushed their teeth and got ready for bed. They both had heavy hearts thinking about the pain their son was experiencing. Ashlyn rinsed out her mouth and said, “Are you mad at me, Alex?” 

Ali found Ashlyn’s reflection in the mirror and looked at her in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“This is my fault. He got this from me. It runs in my family. Plus I’m supposed to be a spokesperson for self-love and self-worth and I can’t even help my own son.”

“Is that really what you think?” Ali asked. She didn’t give Ashlyn a chance to answer. “Because that’s not true. The reason he felt comfortable to talk to you in the first place is because you have done everything right. You’ve been honest with him about your own struggles. You’ve shown him that there’s hope. I’m so thankful you’re here. I couldn’t do this without you.” 

“Really?” Ash asked, hopeful that her wife meant it.

“Really.” Ali answered. She kissed her wife’s jaw and said, “Our son is a wonderful blessing, struggles and all. And so are you. Sweetheart, I wouldn’t trade either of you for the world. Think about how much you love Jamie and how much good you see in him even though he doesn’t believe it right now...That’s how I feel about you.”

Ash couldn’t argue with that. All the broken and imperfect pieces that fit together to make Jamie feel less than perfect, were beautiful to Ashlyn. 

And that made Ashlyn feel beautiful too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, friends. 
> 
> If you're struggling today, let me encourage you. Sometimes the strongest thing you can do is to ask for help. You're not a bother. You're not an inconvenience. You're important. If you need help, don't hesitate to get it.


	222. Brothers & Sisters (Part Three)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a FLASHFORWARD chapter.

“Yo, dude.” Jake said and gave his brother a high five.

Jacob had invited Sam to stop by at his house to hang out while his wife had their kids for the day. Jake wanted to have a MANdate with his little brother.

“Hey.” Sam answered. He headed straight for the fridge and looked for something to eat.

“Do you ever eat at your own home?” Jake asked. He threw some of his daughter’s fruits snacks at him and said,”I ordered pizza and wings. They should be here soon.”

“Awesome.” Sam said and took a long drink from a juice box he found. Sam finished the beverage with three sips. 

“Hopefully the food gets here before you eat all of my daughter’s snacks.” Jake said jokingly, but was also completely serious.

Sam threw the empty juice box at his brother and said, “Don’t worry. My niece loves me. Besides, sharing is caring.” 

“Sharing is caring...” Jake repeated. He had heard his brother say that many times while they were growing up. It was always Samuel’s way of justifying whatever it was that he had borrowed without asking. “Anyways...Lex told me about something interesting that happened while I was gone.”

Jacob and his family had gone on a week vacation to Disneyland and missed a lot of the recent family drama.

“What are you talking about?” Sam asked, even though he knew exactly what his brother was referring to. He had made a promise to his sister that he wouldn’t say anything about it. 

“I’m talking about a dude who’s life was saved by the fact that I was thousands of miles away.”

“Lex told you about everything?” Sam asked. He wanted to make sure he wasn’t going to betray his sister’s trust.

“She told me you took care of a guy who had roughed her up a little bit. Although, if you ask me, you should’ve ended his ability to walk. I also would’ve broken whatever hand it was that he used to hit Lexi with.”

“Lex didn’t want me to do anything in the first place. I was trying to protect her without going against what she would want.” Sam explained.

“Did you at least kick him in the crotch?”

Sam answered with a smile, “Twice.” 

“Good.” Jake said, with a matching smile on his face. 

...

“Baby is that you?” Ali yelled from the laundry room. She had heard a door close and hoped it was her wife and not a robber or murderer.

The visitor didn’t respond. She looked around for something to use as a weapon in case it was an intruder. She couldn’t find anything useful, so she took off one of her shoes. She held it over her head as she approached the direction of where the sound of someone walking was coming from.

She rounded the corner and saw the back of her wife as she walked up the stairs towards their bedroom. 

“Baby?” Ali said. She put her shoe back on and picked up her pace to catch Ashlyn. 

“Ash.” Ali said a little louder. Ashlyn had yet to respond. She caught up with her wife in their bedroom. Ash kicked off her shoes and dropped tiredly on their bed. 

Ali tried again to get her wife’s attention. “Baby, didn’t you hear me calling for you?” She asked as she sat down next to Ash. 

Ash didn’t answer. She simply laid her head in Ali’s lap.

“Are you ok?” Ali asked. She was worried that Ashlyn was carrying the blame for Jamie’s recent struggles. “Baby, you gotta talk to me. I can’t tell if you’re upset or just tired.”

Ali listened to the sound of her wife’s breath. She waited a short moment. Before she could ask her wife another question, she heard Ashlyn begin to snore quietly. She smiled in relief. Her wife was exhausted, not depressed. 

...

When the food arrived, Jake paid for it and set it up. He grabbed a plate for Sam and went to his refrigerator. Sam watched him pull out a plastic container with a plain chicken breast and veggies. 

“Are you eating that?” Sam asked in complete shock.

“Yeah.” Jake answered. He looked truly heartbroken. “My wife made Mama have the nutritionist from her gym put me on a meal plan. Apparently, I’m too old to be eating junk.”

“Dude, that sucks!” Sam replied. He felt sincere pity for his brother.

“Yeah.” Jake replied and opened up his refrigerator to point out the stack of containers that held all of his future meals for the week. “Rach cooked all these up for me, so all I have to do is heat them up. She said I have no excuse not to eat right.”

“You’re at least gonna have a few wings, right?” Sam asked. “I mean, I can eat these all by myself but, it seems a little cruel.”

“I probably shouldn’t.”

“Man...” Sam replied. “Your wife has got you whipped.”

“Boy, you have no idea. Besides, there’s a difference between being whipped and respecting your wife’s wishes. She encourages me to take care of myself. It’s not about her trying to control me.” Jake explained.

“I feel like you’re giving me couple’s therapy, or something.” Sam laughed. He stuck an entire wing in his mouth and pulled out the bone. 

“It’s basically ‘Marriage 101.’ You should pay me for this top-notch knowledge.”

“Well, lucky for me I can eat whatever I want.” Sam said with a hot sauce covered grin. “That’s one of the perks of being single.”

“No ladies in your life at all, Sam?” Jake asked. His wife had been trying to set his little brother up for years. Samuel never really seemed interested in her efforts.

“Nope!” Sam answered emphatically.

“Why not? Dude, come on. You’re growing up. It might be time to think about setting down.”

“You mean so I can stop eating food that actually tastes good.” 

“No. I mean so that you can have someone in your life that cares enough about you to make you eat food that is better for you. Ya know, someone who cares about keeping you alive and healthy.”

Sam took a huge bite of pizza and said with his mouth full of food, “Sounds terrible.”

“For real, Bam. You haven’t dated anyone since that one chick.”

“You don’t remember her name?” Sam asked. “We dated for six months.”

“I don’t care enough about her to remember her name. Who cares about her? She’s dead to me.” Jake answered. He was angry at the woman who led his brother on and ended up breaking his heart. He also suspected that she made him feel that no woman could love him for who he was. “Look bro, that was two years ago. You need to move on.”

“I’ve moved on.” Sam answered. “I’m just too busy.”

“There’s no such thing as too busy for love. That means you’re too busy for life.”

“Romantic love is not the end all of our existence. I have family and friends that I love and who love me. Don’t try to put me in your box.” Sam answered. He tried to sound like he was joking but he was serious.

“If you’re happy, that’s what matters. But I don’t want you to miss out on something because of some girl who wasn’t good enough for you in the first place.”

“What do you know about it?” Sam answered bitterly. He still thought his ex was right about her evaluation of him not being good boyfriend material.

“I know that the way she treated you is the exact opposite of how you treat others. You’re the most accepting and kind person that I know. She’s judgmental and cruel. It never would’ve worked out. In fact, it’s better for you that it didn’t.”

“Can we please change the subject?” Sam asked uncomfortably. The conversation made his heart hurt.

“How about if we play some video games?” Jake suggested. Sam perked up immediately. He grabbed a few more slices of pizza and headed towards Jacob’s man cave and game room.

The brothers spent the rest of the afternoon playing Fifa and Call of Duty, while talking about nothing of great importance. It was the perfect bonding experience.

...

Ali brought her wife a third cup of coffee since she had woken up from her lunch time nap. The fog was finally starting to lift from Ashlyn’s brain. She set the mug down next to Ash and kissed her wife’s cheek and asked, “Are you starting to feel better?”

“Yeah. I think so.” Ash answered. 

“Sweetheart, why are you so tired?” Ali asked. She sat down in her wife’s lap and put her arms around her shoulders.

“Work. I can’t keep up. We’re growing so fast. I’m understaffed and out of room...and my head hurts.” 

“Aw I’m sorry, Sweetheart. Is there anything I can do to help?” 

“Come work for me. I could use someone like you.” Ash answered.

“I can help you, but you need a lot more help than me.” Ali said. She started to massage Ashlyn’s temples to try and soothe some of her head pain. “You need to hire and train someone to do what you do. That way you can cut down on your own stress.”

“I’m thinking about starting another club location. I can’t even begin to consider cutting down on my stress level.”

“Sweetheart, it’s great that things are growing so fast, but if you don’t take care of yourself none of it will matter.” 

“Yeah, I guess.” Ash answered. She pressed her forehead against Ali’s shoulder and sighed loudly. “It would be great to be able to be home more.”

“I know me and the twins would love to see you more often.” Ali replied. She gave her wife a squeeze and kissed her head. “I think it would be a really good thing for us.”

“Do you think you have time between taking care of me and the kids and working at the shelter to help me do some interviewing?” Ash asked. Her wife spent most of her days working with Annie at a women’s and children’s shelter for victims of domestic violence.

“I’ll make time for you, hot stuff.” 

Ash laughed at her wife’s term of endearment and said, “Give me time to finish one more cup of coffee and I’ll show you how hot things can really get.”

“Ooh! Well, you better get drinking because I don’t like to wait.”

Ash chuckled and said under her breath, “I am well aware of that.”

...

“My babies are home!” Ali cheered, as the twins’ school bus finally dropped them off. Ashlyn had gone back to work and Ali was left all alone in their big house. 

They stopped to give her the usual hug and kiss. Bella filled her in on their day at school. She was naturally more talkative than her brother. Though his silence wasn’t anything out of the ordinary, Ali was still worried about him and his emotional needs. She held him in a side hug while his sister chatted on and on about the smallest details of their day. 

Eventually Bella had to take a breath. Ali used that as an opportunity to connect with her son. “How are you feeling, Jamie?” She gave him an extra tight squeeze to assure him that he was completely safe with her.

He shrugged without saying a word.

“You are so much like your Mama.” Ali said with a laugh. “Are you too tired to speak to your old worrisome mother?”

Jamie tried to keep his lips from curling up into a smile. His mother’s comment was right on the money and he loved being compared to his Mama.

“Is that what it is?” Ali asked again. She shook him until he bursted out in laughter. 

“Sorry, Mom.” He finally answered. He was still smiling and now feeling much lighter than when he had first arrived home. 

“So Sweetheart, now that you have found the ability to speak...How are you feeling?” Ali asked.

“I’m ok. I don’t feel as bad as before, but I feel kinda out of it.” Jamie answered.

“Yeah.” Bella interrupted. “He’s been zoned out a lot.”

Ali nodded sympathetically. The doctor told them that this could be a side effect. “We’ll ask the doctor about that at your next appointment. She said that it takes the body time to adjust and it can also be hard to find the right combination of medicine. So, we are gonna try to be patient and make sure that we communicate about how you’re feeling.” Ali said. 

Both of Jamie’s parents made a big deal about how important it was for him to talk to them and to not isolate himself or try to figure things out on his own. Jamie felt that it was much easier for them to tell him what to do than for him to actually do it. He hoped that he could stay on top of things and get through his struggles without letting them down.

...

“Ma.”

Ashlyn heard a whisper and then felt a slight shake. 

“Ma, wake up.”

The room was dark and Ashlyn and Ali had been asleep for a couple of hours. It took a few moments for Ashlyn to recognize that the voice of her son was coming from the conscious world and not from her dream.

“Sam-Bam, why are you here?” She asked. 

Sam was standing over her and if she could see him she would have seen that his face was filled with excitement. 

“Ma, get up. I gotta show you something.” He answered. He shook her a little bit to make sure she didn’t fall back to sleep.

“Why can’t you wake up your other mom? Why is it always me?” Ash asked through a yawn. 

She slowly sat up. When Sam was satisfied that she was awake enough, he led her by the hand out of the room. He led her all the way downstairs. He made her wait at the front door while he ran out to his truck to get the surprise he wanted to show her.

Ashlyn tried to make out what her son was doing by peeking through a window. All she could see was that he had something in his arms. It looked like a rolled up blanket.

Sam made his way inside and immediately revealed what he was holding. 

“Ma, I found this little guy at the end of my street. I think someone dumped him there.” Sam explained. He had a young puppy wrapped up in a blanket. The dog was shaking from fear.

Ashlyn always had a soft spot for puppies. She took the dog from her son and held it tight. She kissed his nose and talked quietly to him, trying to soothe his nerves. 

“He needs a home, Ma.” Sam said. He gave his mother his own version of puppy dog eyes.

“Bam, we’re too busy to take care of a new dog.” Ash answered.

“Ma, I’ve been thinking about this. I think Jamie needs a dog.” 

Sam watched as his Mama tried to harden her resolve. The cute puppy in her arms made it difficult.

“Just think about it, Ma. When he feels like he can’t talk to anyone, he’ll have his dog. When’s he lonely, he’ll have his dog. It’s a proven fact that dogs make people feel calm and loved.” 

Ashlyn thought her son made a lot of sense, but she had learned her lesson since introducing Sam’s dog, Monster, to the family long ago. 

“I need to talk to your Mom first. Until then, he’s staying with you.” Ash said.

“Come on. She’s gonna say yes.” Sam said assuredly. “You know she will.”

“Bam, you don’t know how crazy things have been around here lately. I need to discuss this with Mom first. I’ll call you tomorrow.” 

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah. 

“You’re gonna turn this little guy away?” Sam took the dog from his mother and held his face up next to Ashlyn’s. “Mama, look at him. He needs a home. He was abandoned on the street. Look at him, Ma.”

“Your guilt trip is very effective, but I still need to talk to your Mom and I’m not going to wake her up at this hour.” Ash replied.

They were both interrupted by the sound of Ashlyn’s exhausted wife.

“What’s going on down here?” Ali asked from halfway down the stairs. The closer she got to her wife and son the clearer the picture became. “Why is there a dog in my house?” She asked.

Sam explained the story to his mother while Ashlyn played with the puppy in their living room. Ash laid down on her stomach and kept her face next to the dog’s head as they played and talked to each other. The dog seemed happy to be there. He was no longer shaking. His tail wagged as he played tug of war with Ashlyn.

That night the Krieger-Harris family increased by one. Jamie was now the proud owner of a puppy that would grow to become a loyal friend, who would love him unconditionally and without judgment. When Jamie found it hard to talk to people, he always managed to share his thoughts with his dog. The dog ended up being a life-saver, because the boy never felt unloved when his pet was around. 

Ashlyn and Ali saw a change in their son almost immediately. By the end of the first week they were calling Sam a genius for rescuing the small pup and thinking of Jamie to be it’s owner. Before Sam got a big head, Lexi made it known that the dog was not abandoned on his street. Sam had taken her to several shelters to help him find the perfect dog for their little brother. He had always believed that every boy needed a dog at some point in their life.

Another positive effect brought on by Jamie’s new dog was that it gave Ali someone to talk to when her wife was working extra hours and her children were away at school. It made the house feel less empty and gave Ali another cute member of the family to take care of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need your help.
> 
> 1\. What should Jamie name his new dog?
> 
> 2\. What kind of dog should it be?


	223. Do The Math

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired VERY loosely by recent events.

"Well, this is new." Ash announced as she entered Ali's hospital room. She was referring to the fact that it's usually Ali visiting her in the hospital. She was also trying to be overly upbeat due to having a very anxious Samuel in her arms. 

"Mommy are you hurt?" He said with a shaky voice.

Ashlyn held the boy out towards Ali so he could hug and kiss her. Ali gave her wife a judgmental look for bringing him. She didn't want the little guy to worry.

"He wouldn't let me leave without him." Ash said as an explanation. All of their other children were home with their close friend Annie. 

"My sweet boy." Ali gushed as she put her hand over her heart. "Do you want to sit next to me, sweetheart?" She asked her worried little boy. 

He nodded into his Mama's chest to confirm that he wanted to be close to Ali. Ash waited for Ali to move over a little and set their son down next to her. She pulled a chair over to the side of the bed to join them.

"Baby," Ali said. "Come over on this side." She instructed Ash to go to the opposite side of Samuel. She wanted to be able to hug Sam with one hand and hold Ashlyn's hand with the other. 

Ash did as she was asked. It didn't take long for their little boy to lay down and fall asleep against his mother. That's when the grown ups were finally able to talk.

"How are you feeling?" Ash asked quietly. 

"Weird." Ali answered.

"That's not very specific, Babe." Ash laughed. She got serious and asked, "Are you in any pain?" 

"A little bit. Not too bad, though."

"I talked to your doctor and the trainer. I guess you've got a mild concussion. They are waiting on a couple more tests to confirm that it’s nothing serious. It shouldn't be long until we can take you home." Ashlyn explained. 

Ali's face wore a small smile as she replied, "I can't wait to get home to all my babies."

"They can't wait for you to get home either." Ash informed. Ashlyn kissed Ali's cheek and asked, "Do you remember anything about the collision?"

"Not really." Ali answered. "It's the strangest feeling to have a portion of time that disappears from your brain."

"Yeah. Head injuries are no joke." Ash agreed. She knew from experience. Ashlyn had had her fair share of head and brain injuries. She had had enough to cover Ali's fair share too.

"I don't want you worrying about me." Ali said. She knew where her wife's mind was going. 

"I hate seeing you like this." Ash replied. "It was horrible, Alex. I wanted to be on the field with you. I wanted to take care of you."

"You had to stay with our children. That's what I needed the most. I'm sure they were worried." Ali said, trying to comfort Ash.

Ashlyn glanced at their sleeping boy and said, "It was rough."

"Enough about me." Ali said with a sympathetic look. "How are you?"

"I'm fine. Don't worry about me." Ash said, trying to seem nonchalant and unaffected by the fact that her wife was wheeled off of the pitch on a stretcher and her children were traumatized by the whole event.

"I'm sure." Ali said. She didn't want to push Ashlyn to open up. She could tell she was still feeling overwhelmed. "How is your anxiety level?" Ali asked carefully. She knew Ash wouldn't want her to worry, but she had to ask.

"I'm fine, Alex. I already told you."

"Did you take your medicine?" The question was double purposed. Ali wanted to know if she needed to get her wife her meds and she wanted to know how bad her anxiety had gotten. If she had already taken the medication it meant that Ashlyn had been struggling.

"Yes, I took it. I've got it handled. Don't worry."

Ali decided to drop it for now. She would ask more questions when they were home and there was less for her wife to be anxious about.

...

Ali held on to her wife's bicep as Ashlyn carried Samuel into their house. It was 2am and everyone was asleep except for Annie and Jacob. They had stayed up to wait for them to return.

"Hey." Ash whispered. Jake jumped up and greeted Ali with a hug. "Can you put your brother in his bed for me?" Ash asked. 

Jacob took Samuel's sleeping frame and started to walk towards the stairs. He turned and said, "Can I come back down and talk with Mom?" 

He was up way past his bedtime. He was relieved to get the thumbs up from his Mama. He hurried, while being careful, to take Sam upstairs to his room.

"I hope you don't mind." Annie said. "Joey fell asleep in Sammy's room with Monster."

"No problem. You both should just stay the night. We can have Jake sleep with us or on the couch. You can take his room." Ash offered.

"I'll stay on the couch. I don't want Jake to have to give up his room." Annie answered.

Ash smiled and put a protective arm around her wife's shoulders and said, "I wouldn't be surprised if he stayed with us tonight to keep an eye on Ali. He's pretty protective of her." Ali smiled thinking of her sweet son and leaned into Ashlyn warmly.

"How are you feeling, Ali?" Annie asked.

"I've got a little headache. The doctor doesn't think it's anything to worry about." Ali answered. 

The three women heard Jacob call from the top of the stairs, "Mama, can you come up here, please?"

Ash kissed Ali's temple and said, "You two relax and visit. I'll be right back." 

Ash met her son in the hallway upstairs and he soon revealed that the twins were making noise. He said, "I'll help you with them. I just thought it'd be better if we handled it and let Mom rest."

Ash smiled proudly and answered, "You're a good man, son. I'll tell you what. Why don't I take care of the babies and you go take care of your Mom." 

"Really?" Jacob asked surprised. He wanted to be close to Ali, but thought he'd have to help out with his siblings instead. He was happy his Mama offered to do it on her own. "I know you're worried. Go see for yourself that she's ok."

Ash smiled as her oldest son kissed her cheek and rushed to his Mom's side. She shook her head proudly and said to herself, "That boy is amazing. He must take after me."

...

Twenty minutes later Ashlyn joined the adults and Jacob with a bundle of joy in her arms. “Izzy wanted to make sure her Mommy was feeling better.” Ash said sweetly and carefully transferred her daughter into Ali’s arms.

“I’m surprised Jamie let you take her.” Jake said. The twins usually threw a fit whenever they were separated. 

Ash knew that if Jamie was the one awake instead of little Isabella, there would be no way he would be able to calmly hang out with the group without his sister. He was the more emotional and temperamental of the two. Little Bella had more of a relaxed and ‘go with the flow’ personality. Ashlyn and Ali wouldn’t trade or change either of them for the world.

“The little man fell asleep first and has no idea I took her.” Ash laughed.

Ali pretended to eat her baby daughter’s cheeks and got a few happy giggles out of the one year old. “She’s seems so happy. I love my babies so much!” Ali shared a kiss with Bella and then gave Jacob a wink to confirm that he was still one of her babies too.

The four of them hung out until Bella finally did fall asleep. They decided that it was way past all of their bedtimes. 

Jacob pretended not to be excited when Ashlyn said he could stay with them that night. She used the excuse that Annie needed to sleep in his room and they might need extra help with the twins. All three women pretended not to notice how worried he was about Ali. 

By morning Ali and Ashlyn’s bed was filled with all three of their oldest children. Ash woke up and told them they had to leave, but Ali trumped her decision and told her wife she wanted them close to her. Ashlyn didn’t mind. Her biggest concern was Ali’s health and happiness.

Once Ali had determined it was time for all of her babies to get up and join the real world, they caravanned from the bed to the pull out bed of the couch in the living room. Ashlyn and Jacob were on twin duty while Lexi and Sam were on Mommy duty. The entire family cuddled quietly all day. 

...

The next day, Ali was feeling much better. The kids returned to school and the twins were fed and sleeping with clean diapers, thanks to Ashlyn. Ali pulled her wife into a hug and said, “I feel like we finally have a few moments to ourselves.”

Ash laughed and agreed, “Yeah, sorry. It’s kinda been a little crazy around here. Sorry I couldn’t just focus on you. I wish we could have blocked out the world and stayed in bed all day.” 

Ali smiled and kissed her wife’s jaw. She rested her head on Ashlyn’s shoulder and said, “Lex, Sammy, and I basically DID stay in bed all day. It was wonderful, but I missed you terribly.” 

“How could you miss me? I was the one running around refilling drinks and burping babies.” Ash joked.

Ali tightened her hold around Ashlyn’s waist and said, “I missed holding you. Thank you for everything.”

Neither women were in a hurry to break their embrace. Ashlyn finally pulled away when she heard their coffee maker finish brewing. She instructed her wife to sit down and brought two mugs of coffee to the table.

Ali took the one in front of her and said, “I love this.”

“It’s good coffee.” Ash agreed.

“No, I mean sitting here with you, enjoying a moment of peace.” 

Ash smiled into her cup as she took a sip.

Ali continued, “This is what it could be like when I retire.” 

The smile on Ashlyn’s lips turned downward as she asked, “You’re not gonna let a little bump on the head take you out of the game are you?”

“No, Baby. That’s not why I said that.” Ali answered. Ash was obviously confused, so Ali explained. “I’m just thinking of our future together and how much I am going to love these peaceful morning coffee breaks with you.”

Ashlyn smiled and replied, “These moments are pretty great, aren’t they?’

“They’re the best!”

“Watching you get injured and having to stay with the kids instead of be by your side was a nightmare. I was so worried. But those moments make THESE moments even better.” Ashlyn thoughtfully said. 

“I’m sorry I haven’t had the chance to check on you, Ash.” Ali apologized.

Ali’s confession seemed out of the blue and completely unnecessary. 

“What do you mean? Why would you need to check on me? You’re the injured one.” Ash replied.

“Because I think that my concussion was harder on you than on me. I can’t even remember it happening. You’re the one that had to stay level headed and keep our children from freaking out. Honestly Sweetheart, I don’t know how you did it. I would’ve been a puddle of emotions if the roles were reversed.” 

“You would have been fine. Trust me.” Ash replied. “I have seen you in action enough to know that you’re the world’s best mom. You would’ve had them well taken care of.” 

“Baby, I’m sorry you had to go through that. I’m also so thankful for all that you did. You not only took care of our beautiful children, but you also took great care of me. We are so lucky to have you.” Ali said. 

She reached toward Ashlyn and squeezed her thigh. Ash was encouraged by the sentiment. “If we’re being honest, you should know that I was totally freaked out and wanted to run on the field to hold your hand and tell you that everything would be all right. The only thing that kept me sane was knowing that you needed me to hold it together.”

“Well, you did a great job.” Ali said and smashed Ashlyn’s cheeks together playfully before giving her a peck on the lips. “I love you.”

“Love you, too. I’m just so thankful you’re ok.” Ash said sincerely. Then she scrunched up her face and said, “Too bad you’re still recovering.”

“Why?” Ali asked, confused by the sudden change of tone.

“Kids are at school. We both have some free time. You’re super hot....You do the math.”

Ali laughed at her wife’s constant attempt to get her into bed. She also couldn’t wait to ‘do the math’ with her own super hot wife.

“Soon, Baby. Soon.” Ali said seductively.


	224. Making Time (Part One)

“Why are you up so early, sweetheart?” Ali asked her almost 18 year old son. 

She thought she was up before everyone else in the house. She was surprised to see her teenage son awake and dressed. He was usually one of the best sleepers in the house.

“Mama said we could work out together.” Jacob replied through a yawn. His hair was sticking up and his eyes were half open.

“Sorry love, but she’s still sleeping. She was up really late last night working on school and work stuff.” Ali explained. 

She felt bad for disappointing her son, but Ashlyn had been running on empty for weeks trying to be there for her family, go to school, and start a new business. She hoped that Jake would understand. 

Before Ali could try to console her disappointed son she heard footsteps. When she turned around she saw her wife wearing sweatpants and a sleeveless shirt. She had her running shoes in one hand and her phone and headphones in the other.

Ash looked even more tired than Jacob.

“Baby, why are you awake so early?” Ali asked. Jake looked at her in confusion. He thought he had already answered that question.

“My boy and I are going for a run.” Ash answered through a yawn. She pushed the button on the coffee maker to start a new pot and gave her son a playful shove on the way to the fridge. She grabbed two bottles of water and threw one to her favorite teenager. “Hydrate.” She instructed before taking a few sips of her own bottle. 

Ali tugged gently on the hem of her wife’s loose fitting shirt and said, “Can I talk to you in private for a moment, please?”

Ash followed her out of the kitchen without objection.

Once they had put enough space between them and their son’s listening ears, Ali asked sympathetically, “Ash, are you sure this is a good idea? You are worn out. You’re pushing yourself too hard.”

“No worries, Babe. If my son wants to hang out with me then that’s what we’re gonna do. This was the only time I had available.” Ash answered.

“Ashlyn, it’s 5am. You went to bed less than 3 hours ago. Your body can’t take this pace for much longer.” Ali replied. She loved her wife’s heart for their children, but she felt there needed to be some balance or else Ash’s health would suffer. 

“I know. It sucks. But he asked me to help him with his fitness training and that’s sorta what my passion is...and he’s sorta one of my biggest passions too, by the way.” Ash said with a smile. “I only have a couple more weeks of school with this tough schedule. Next semester I’m taking less classes. It will get better, but for now I need to spend time with our children whenever I can.”

“Well...” Ali said. She paused to try to find some kind of argument. When she couldn’t, she continued, “I guess that’s a good reason to push yourself. But please try to slow it down a little bit. It’s not healthy for you to continue like this.”

Ash really loved her wife’s protective heart. She kissed her lightly on the lips and then led her by the hand back to the kitchen where their son was waiting to start his morning workout with his Mama.

...

At the end of Ash and Jake’s run, Ashlyn showed him some new stretches that he could do during their cool down. 

“This is one your Mom does all the time for soccer. I’m sure you’ve seen her do it.” Ash said as she took a giant step forward with her right leg and leaned down until her right forearm was on the ground. “Make sure you feel the stretch in both your legs. Especially your hamstrings.” 

She waited until Jake was in the position and nodded that he felt the stretch in the right place. “Now you turn your body outward, lifting your left arm to the sky and hold.”

Jacob did as he was told and immediately felt the burn in his core and torso area. Ash then told him to switch legs and do the other side.

“That’s called ‘The World’s Greatest Stretch’ because it stretches most of the key areas in a short amount of time.” Ash explained.

“That’s awesome!” Jake said. 

He always hated to stretch. He would rather add the extra time to his workout and get stronger than to waste time doing ‘girly stretches’ as he once said. To which his parents quickly corrected him for using ‘girly’ as a description for something he thought was weak or unproductive. 

He never made that mistake again. Once he really thought about it he decided that his parents, who are girls, are the strongest people he knew, and there is no one in the world he respected more than them. 

“Hey, Mama?” Jake said as he finished up his stretches.

“Yeah, son.” Ash answered.

“I um..just wanna say...that I...” Jacob nervously said. “I mean, I’m...”

Ash smiled at her adorable son and said, “You can tell me anything, Jacob. You know that.”

“I know. I just wanna make sure I say it right.”

“Every word doesn’t have to be perfect, as long as you’re being honest and sharing your heart. The message will be clear.” Ashlyn encouraged.

“Yeah, I guess.” Jake agreed weakly. “It might sound dumb coming from me...because I’m just a kid...” Jacob started to awkwardly rub the back of his neck, a gesture that he had subconsciously picked up from Ashlyn. “...but I wanted to let you know that you’re like my hero.”

All of Ashlyn’s worries and stress seemed to fly away in that moment. Her son’s thoughtful comment gave her a new sense of strength. 

Jacob saw his mother’s face and recognized a look of both pride and thankfulness. 

“I mean it, Mama. I don’t know how you do it. If I couldn’t play soccer anymore, I would die.” Jake explained. “I watch you work so hard and you do it with all your heart. I don’t know how you do it. I don’t think I could.”

“Jake, I appreciate your wonderful words, but you will grow up and realize that the most important things in life aren’t things. What’s most important is people. You are one of those important people in my life.” Ash grinned. “I can go on without soccer because I have you and your Mom and your brothers and sisters.”

“Yeah, but you weren’t even at the top of your prime. It’s not fair. You were so good.” Jake corrected himself and added, “You ARE so good. It just isn’t fair.”

“No, it’s not fair. But a lot of things aren’t fair. We just have to make the most of what this life gives us.” Ash replied. “Besides, I look at our family and I can’t really complain. Even just being able to run with you by my side this morning, makes me feel like I have more than I deserve.”

Jake couldn’t understand his mother’s reasoning about having more than she deserves. Ali and Ashlyn saved his life by accepting him into their family. As far as he was concerned, they deserved the whole world.

Ash saw the bewildered look on her son’s face and said, “Just promise me you won’t give up on yourself. You’ll always keep fighting for the people you love, and most of all for yourself.”

“I promise.” Jake answered.

“Now that that’s settled, let’s go inside and get ready for school.” 

...

Later that day, Ali returned home from practice and found her wife sitting on the couch asleep with both twins in her arms. Jamie and Bella quietly played with one of their favorite stuffed animals while sitting in their sleeping Mama’s lap. One of the advantages about having two babies at one time, was that they often found entertainment and comfort in each other’s presence. Both of them were happy simply because they were together.

Ali sat down next to her wife and opened her arms up to her babies. Both children gladly crawled into her lap. She spent a few minutes kissing and playing with them, before leading them by the hand to their play area on the other side of the room.

Once she knew the twins were happy and safely occupied, Ali returned to Ashlyn. She nudged her and woke her up. “Baby, why don’t you go upstairs and lay down?” 

“Hmm?” Ash hummed. “I’m watching Jame and Izzy.” She yawned. She had not yet realized that Ali had taken them from her arms.

Ali waited for her to discover that her lap and arms were childless. The confusion on Ashlyn’s face was priceless.

“Uh...umm...where?...what?” Ash stuttered.  


 Ali felt bad and came clean. “They’re over there.” She said as she pointed to the corner of the living room that had their toys.

“Oh, I guess I fell asleep.” Ash mumbled.

“I guess so.” Ali giggled. “You’re so cute when you’re tired.” 

“Then I must be really cute right now.” Ash joked, but was too worn out to smile. She leaned into her wife’s open arm and fell asleep in less than a minute. 

Ali knew that with two walking toddlers home with them their peaceful embrace wouldn’t last long, but she couldn’t bring herself to wake her wife until the last possible moment.

...

Ashlyn felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. She was sitting in class with a room filled with early twenty year olds, doing her best to keep up with her notes. She pulled her phone out and saw that Ali was calling her. She looked around, hoping no one would notice. She quietly answered, “Hey.” She whispered. 

She heard her wife’s distressed voice say, “I need you!” Ashlyn began to gather her things and rushed out of the classroom. She waited to get out into the hallway to reply. Ali filled her in on the details as Ash jogged to her Jeep. 

She was on her way to the hospital.


	225. Making Time (Part Two)

Ashlyn hung up with Ali so that she could drive with as little distraction as possible. She knew her family needed her and she didn’t want to get into an accident on the way to the hospital. Before their call had ended, she could hear at least four of her children screaming. Poor Ali was in over her head.

...

Ashlyn searched for the room Ali had told her to look for, but she heard her children long before she saw the number on the door. As soon as she entered, Lexi ran to her and cried out in anguish, “Sammy is DEAD!” She held her arms up, seeking her mother’s comfort. 

Ali was sitting next to Samuel, who was NOT dead, but he was crying in pain. She was trying to fill out Sam’s paperwork, and comfort their son at the same time. Both twins were seeking attention and crying as a response to the scary chaos in the room. Joey was sitting in a chair on the other side of Sam’s bed. The poor kid was stunned by the Krieger-Harris family drama.

Ashlyn knelt down in front of Lexi and said, “You and I are gonna go for a walk as soon as I talk to Mommy and Sam. Until then take slow breaths and try to calm down. Sam is ok.” Ash put her hands on her daughter’s shoulders and turned her around gently. She pointed to Sam and said, “He’s hurting, but he is ok. I promise.”

Ash stood up and felt her daughter’s hands on her hips as she approached Ali. She let Lexi hug her from behind while she embraced her wife. “Five more minutes, Babe.” Ash said to Ali. “Five more minutes of this, and when I come back with a much calmer Lex, you can take a break.” 

Ali took a deep breath and kissed her wife’s shoulder. She whispered, “I love you.” And then let Ash give her full attention to Samuel.

“Hey, Sam-Bam. How’s my favorite superhero?” Ash asked in a calm tone.

Sam tried to be brave. He sniffled and wiped his eyes dry. “Mama, I fell and hurt my leg.” He said, trembling.

Samuel had jumped from his treehouse like a mini Superman. Joey watched as his best friend's ankle snapped when he hit the ground. Ali heard Sam scream and from that moment on everyone in the house, except for Joey, joined him. Lexi thought her brother was going to die. The twins were simply scared by all of the noise, but that left Ali with four hysterical children to take care of. 

The car ride to the hospital was a nightmare. 

Once she had gotten to the hospital she had to choose between comforting her injured child or trying to avoid an anxiety attack from her daughter. She chose to comfort Samuel. He was in serious pain. It broke Ali’s heart. 

They were originally sitting in the waiting room of the ER, but the sheer volume of the group disturbed everyone else and prompted the hospital staff to find a private room for them to wait. 

“Where’s Annie?” Ash asked Ali, as she carefully hugged Samuel. 

“She’s at work. That’s why I have Joey.” Ali answered. She knew what Ash’s next question was going to be so she answered it, “My Dad is out of town and Jacob is on a date.”

Ash nodded and offered her wife a small smile. She gave her son a squeeze and said, “I’m gonna take your sister for a few minutes to help her calm down. When I get back, I’m gonna sit with you for as long as you want.” Ash promised.

“Ok, Mama.” The little boy said, trying to keep from crying.

Ash kissed the boy’s head and quietly said in his ear, “I’m so proud of you. You are being very brave, Bam.”

Ashlyn felt her daughter’s face pressing into her back. Lexi was doing her best to focus on other things, but she was struggling to ignore her little brother's pain. Lexi would have rather it been her that was hurting. She couldn’t stand to see Samuel suffering. Since the twins were born, Ash and Ali told her that Sam needed his big sister more than ever. Her attitude towards him had changed drastically and now she considered it her job to take care of him. Her emotional health depended on his well-being.

Ash finally picked her daughter up. Ashlyn held Lexi close to her chest and quietly reminded her to breathe slowly and focus on each breath as it entered and left her lungs. 

Ali understood that calming the four children was their first priority at this point. Until that happened there would be no peace for Samuel. She pushed the paperwork to the side and helped both of the twins up in her lap. She let them cuddle with her as much as she could while holding Sam’s hand to give comfort. 

Ashlyn walked up and down the halls with Lexi held tightly in her arms. She normally would wait longer to confirm that her daughter was calm and relaxed, but she didn’t feel she had that luxury this time. As soon as Lex caught her breath and Ash felt her tense body relax, she headed back to the rest of the family. When they returned to the room, Ali took a much calmer Lexi, Joey, and the twins for a short walk, leaving Team Awesome alone in the room. 

Ash gingerly joined her son in the hospital bed and let him curl up into her side. “I love you, Sam-Bam.” She said quietly as she kissed his head.

“Love you, Mama.” The boy answered with a shaky voice.

“Have I ever told you about the time Superman had to save Lois Lane from a giant booger?” Ash asked. Her hope was that her ridiculous story-telling would distract the boy enough to get him to feel better.

“No, Mama.” Sam said. His tone was excited and curious, instead of sad and pained.

Ash’s plan had worked...

...

“How in the world is our hyperactive, crazy-awesome son gonna be able to deal with crutches?” Ash asked her wife. Samuel had gotten surgery on his ankle and had to get a cast. He wasn’t allowed to put any weight on his injured ankle.

“I have no idea. We are gonna have to keep an eye on him.” Ali answered.

“Ha. Good luck with that.” Ash teased. Samuel was fearless and wild. Ashlyn loved that about him, but it made it harder to keep him safe. 

“What a day!” Ali groaned. The kids were all in bed and it was the first real moment of peace since Sam’s attempt at flight. 

Ash mumbled some kind of response but Ali had no idea what she had said. She glanced over at her wife, who was slouched down on their couch leaning against her arm. Ashlyn had fallen asleep mid-sentence. 

Ali closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She listened to the silence in the house and slowly let out the breath. She opened her eyes and watched her wife’s chest rise and fall. She gently placed her hand over Ashlyn’s heart, and after lifting her hand up to her lips, she kissed her palm and returned it to rest again on Ash’s chest. It was a small gesture that Ashlyn would never know happened, but it was sincere and honest. 

Ali couldn’t love her wife more than she did in that moment.

...

“Baby, slow down and eat something.” Ali instructed. The following morning Ashlyn was rushing to get her school stuff together. 

“I can’t. I’m gonna be late. I’m supposed to meet someone to get the notes I missed from last night.” Ash said. “Besides, my stomach isn’t feeling right today.”

“Are you sick?” Ali asked in concern.

“No, it’s nothing. I think it’s indigestion or acid reflux. Nothing for you to worry your pretty little head about.” Ash joked. She kissed her children, leaving Ali for last, and then left to meet her classmate.

The rest of breakfast was quieter than usual. Samuel was on a pain medication that made him feel tired and out of it. Lexi took it upon herself to help her little brother with anything he would have a hard time doing with a broken ankle. At the moment she was refilling his cup with juice and getting him another napkin for the juice he had just spilled. 

Ali had taken the day off to stay home with her injured son. She had agreed with Ash that it would be better for him to get more comfortable with his crutches and used to how his pain meds made him feel before going back to school. 

Without a second thought, they agreed that his safety and health were more important than going to school that day.

...

“What do you think, doctor?” Ali asked.

The good doctor, who also happened to be extremely cute, answered, “Hmm...Gonna have to cut it off!” 

Ali laughed as Samuel made a cutting motion over Ashlyn’s stomach. Ash woke up from her nap with the sound of her wife’s and son’s extra loud giggling. 

“What are you two doing?” Ash asked. She saw her son sitting next to her on the bed. He had on a pair of oversized glasses and a toy stethoscope around his neck.

“This is Sergeant Doctor III.” Ali said, introducing their son’s new identity.

“The third?” Ash said, repeating the last part of Sam’s new name.

“The third.” Ali confirmed. “That was Sam’s idea. You aren’t the only creative one in the house, you know.”

“Why Sergeant?” Ash asked. 

“Because he wanted to be able to salute you.” Ali answered. Sam immediately sat up straight and saluted his Mama.

Ashlyn saluted the boy back. Their games of creative pretending were always a serious matter. Besides, when a sergeant salutes you the only appropriate response is to respectfully return the gesture.

“Now that the pleasantries are out of the way, it’s time for us to take care of some very important business.” Ali said.

Ash knew that her wife and son were up to something. She gave her wife a suspicious eye and waited for an explanation.

“According to Sergeant Doctor THE THIRD, you need to get your stomach looked at. We are taking you to the doctor today.” Ali announced.

Ashlyn still had one more class that night and she was not willing to miss it.

“Alex, I have to go to class tonight. Next week is the final. I can’t miss.” Ash argued.

“Doctor’s orders, Ash.” Ali said and nodded towards her son. 

Sam did a karate chop into the air and repeated, “Doctor’s orders, Mama!”

It was obvious to Ashlyn that her wife and son had plotted against her and planned for her objections. She had no choice but to even the playing field.  


 “Bam, I think I hear Monster crying. Why don’t you go take him outside.” Ash said. Sam was an excellent dog owner. Samuel did everything he could do to keep his pup happy. 

After Sam carefully climbed off his parents’ bed, he used his crutches to find his dog. Ashlyn knew that she had bought herself a good amount of alone time with her wife. Sam’s speed was cut down drastically due to his injury.

“Alex, I am not going to the doctor. I told you that I’m fine. It’s not ok that you’re using our child to manipulate me.” Ash complained.

Ashlyn’s words didn’t sit well with her wife, but Ali kept her cool and sat down where their son had previously been. 

“Baby, I’m not trying to manipulate you. I would hope you know me better than that. You’re tired and worn out. You’ve barely eaten anything today and judging by the near empty bottle of pepto on your nightstand I am willing to bet that your stomach is still bothering you.” Ali said. 

“You can’t deny that you brought Sam along for a reason. You thought I would be hypnotized by his cute face and do whatever you want me to do.” Ash said, revealing that she couldn’t be fooled.

“Baby, first off OF COURSE that was my plan, but I seem to remember a time when MY cute face used to hypnotize you.” Ali said with a flirty smile. She could feel the tension lessen. She spoke softly but seriously and said, “Listen, we kept Sam home today because his health is more important than missing one day of school. I know how important this class is to you tonight and how hard you’ve worked all semester, but we have bad experience with you waiting too long to get medical help.” Ali said. 

Both women knew it could be costly to put off getting a health problem checked out. Ash was prone to downplay her injuries and sicknesses. This tendency did not serve her well when a brain injury almost took her life. 

Ali had good reason worry.

“Babe, I hear ya. I understand why you’re saying this, but I can’t afford to miss. This stuff doesn’t come easy to me.” Ash admitted.

“Baby, what’s the worst that could happen?” Ali asked. She meant for it to be a rhetorical question, but Ash answered it anyway.

“I could fail.”

Ali put her arm around her wife and said, “You could fail the class. That’s the worst thing that could happen. And so what if that happens? You’re going to succeed. I know you. It’s one stupid class. Baby, I’m worried that you’re putting too much pressure on yourself. You don’t have to be perfect.”

Ashlyn knew Ali was right. She was about to come up with another excuse of why she couldn’t miss class, when her son returned. He kicked their bedroom door open wide with his good leg, as he balanced all of his weight on his crutches. 

“Mama, I’m back!” Sam exclaimed. He crutched his way to the other side of Ashlyn and sat down next to her. He nestled into his Mama’s side and long forgot about the mission that he and Ali were on. 

Ashlyn stared at the top of his head for a moment before asking, “What about the twins?” 

Ali had already figured out all of the logistics. “While Sergeant Doctor III and I take you to urgent care, Annie will be here watching the twins and taking care of Jacob and Lexi when they get home from school. Everything is taken care of.”

Ash laughed to herself and said, “Of course it is.” 

...

Ashlyn and Samuel napped for most of the time they waited to be seen. Sam snuggled up in Ash’s lap as the two slept. Ali couldn’t help but notice the similarities between Sam’s recent hospital visit and her wife’s urgent care visit. Team Awesome was inseparable. 

“Two peas in a pod.” Ali whispered to herself about her two love bugs. 

Thankfully, they didn’t need to wait too long before Ashlyn was seen by a doctor. Sam and his parents were happy to find out that Samuel’s original diagnosis was incorrect. Ash’s stomach did not need to be ‘cut off.’ She did however, have an ulcer. The diagnosis made Ash realize that she needed to take a step back and make time to relax and be with her family. 

She hated that she had to slow down, but she loved that it meant more cuddle time with her beautiful family.


	226. Little Feet, Big Shoes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a break from drama and cliffhangers.

“Mommy.” Sam said through giggles. He was covering his mouth, trying to hide the fact that he was laughing.

“What is it, sweetheart?” Ali asked. Her face broke out into a smile simply because her son seemed so happy.

“Jamie is being silly.” Samuel explained. He pointed and laughed. “His feet are too little.” 

Sam bent over with his arms across his stomach and cracked up. He even slapped his leg a couple of times like he had seen his Mama do when she was trying to make a joke. She would often say that her humorous comment was a ‘knee slapper.’

His little brother had found a pair of his shoes and was trying to walk in them. It was absolutely adorable.

“Baby, you used to do that too.” Ali said while rubbing her sweet son’s back. 

“No, I didn’t!” Sam said and stood straight up to make his point. “I fit my shoes!” He declared.

“Samuel, you used to try your big brother's shoes on and walk around pretending to be him.”

“Noooooooooo.” Sam said, holding the word out for emphasis.

“Yessssssssss.” Ali answered in kind.

“Mommy, he’s silly. I’m not silly.” Sam said, trying his best to have a serious face.

Ali, on the other hand, had no chance at keeping a serious face. Her son was a character. 

“Are you my super serious child that never has any fun?” Ali asked as a joke.

Samuel thought hard. He tapped his chin and scrunched his forehead until he thought of the right answer for his mother. Finally the boy was satisfied with his response and said, “Nope. Not me, Mommy. That’s Lex.” 

Now it was Ali’s turn to cover her mouth to hide the fact that she was laughing. Once Ali had caught her breath she instructed her son that he was now in charge of helping Lexi learn to have fun. He gladly accepted his new mission.

...

Ali watched as Lexi chased Monster around the backyard. Samuel grinned when he saw his Mommy looking at him through their sliding glass doors. The little boy gave her a thumbs up and a wink before using his crutches to get closer to his sister and dog for more fun.

“What was that about?” Ash asked, noticing Samuel’s gesture. 

“I told him he was in charge of making sure his sister had fun. That was his way of telling me that he was working on it.” Ali explained.

Ash chuckled, pulled Ali into her from behind and said, “That’s amazing. He’s such a good boy.”

Ali and Ash said simultaneously, “He gets it from me.”

Both women laughed as Ali turned around in her wife’s arms. They faced each other and had a short make-out session before they heard their oldest son clear his throat behind them.

Ash sighed loudly and then said, “What do you want, son? Can’t you see I’m putting the moves on your mother?”

“Uh, ok...that’s gross. And also I need the keys to Mom’s car.” Jacob replied.

“Why do you need my car?” Ali asked. “You always want my car.”

“Rachel likes it.” He answered. That was all the reason the women needed to hear. He would do just about anything for his long time girlfriend.

“Fine.” Ali agreed. “But you have to fill up the tank and get it washed while you’re out.” Ali said. She thought quickly and added, “And still make it back in time for your curfew.”

“Sure. Thanks, Mom.” Jake said and kissed her cheek.  
 Ash cleared her throat loudly, making it obvious that she wasn’t happy. The 17 year old smiled and quickly gave her a kiss before he held out his hand signaling that he wanted something.

“What?’ Ali asked. 

“Keys.” Jake reminded her.

“They’re in my purse.” Ali instructed. 

Jacob found the keys and then brought the purse over to her. He handed it to her and said, “Can I have your credit card to pay for gas and a car wash?”

Even though Ali was never planning on making her son pay for those things from his own money, she would’ve liked to have teased him a little about it, but he was too cute and she was too much of a softy where her children were concerned.

Ashlyn on the other hand...

“Son, you are not gonna make your mother pay for your date. You pay for gas and the car wash. Those are the strings attached to using your mother’s BMW.” Ash ordered.

“Mom...” Jake whined to his other, more understanding mother.

“It’s fine, sweetheart. You know where my ATM card is. Just take that one and don’t listen to your crazy Mama.”

“You never let me mess with our kids.” Ashlyn complained as they watched Jake hurry out of the house to pick up his girlfriend. 

“You mess with our children all the time. And when you’re not messing with them you’re giving me a hard time. I think it’s ok for you to take a break every now and then.” Ali replied with sass. 

Ashlyn couldn’t disagree with anything Ali had said. She loved joking around with her family. She used to tell Ali that it was her way of saying, ‘I love you.’

If that was true, then Ashlyn said ‘I love you’ a lot!

...

“Samuel, be careful!” Ali yelled over the loud laughter of her son and his friend, Joey. The women had taken their younger children, along with Samuel’s best friend, to the mall. In Ali’s opinion, the boys were being a little too rough with each other, especially since her son was still on crutches and being as wild as ever.

Ali called back to her wife, who was swinging Jamie around in circles, throwing him upward in the air, and then catching him. His giggling was louder than Ali’s cry for help. Ashlyn was also as wild as ever.

Lexi tugged on her Mommy’s hand and said, “I’ll tell her.”

“Thank you, sweetheart.” Ali replied. She had Bella propped up on her hip and pushed the twins’ stroller filled with shopping bags with her other hand. 

Lexi pulled on her Mama’s shirt and got her attention. “Mommy needs you.” She said with her hands on her hips. She wasn’t messing around. Lexi felt like her family needed to settle down and shop properly. The mall was her and Ali’s domain. They needed to get down to business.

“Ok, little princess.” Ash replied with a knowing smile. Her daughter was a mini version of her wife. She knew she better get serious. 

After hearing Ali’s request that she get the boys to settle down, Ash handled things her own way. With Jamie still in her arms, she had Sam jump on her back. She carried him around the mall, while Joey and Lexi took turns carrying his crutches.

From then on, Sam would regularly ask for a free ride on his Mama’s back whenever he got the chance. 

...

“Baby, please don’t do that with Bella in your arms!” Ali cried up the stairs. Ashlyn was carrying their daughter while giving Sam a piggy back ride. Ali worried that her wife might fall and injure two of her children in the process.

“I can do it!” Ash hollered back.

“Ashlyn, please!” Ali said in a more serious tone. She knew she had a tendency to over worry but she felt completely justified in this case.

“Ok, ok.” Ash replied and knelt down low enough for Sam to sit on the top step and wait for her to come back up for him. At the bottom of the stairs she handed their daughter off to Ali and then headed back up the steps to get their injured son.

Sam was doing his ‘wiggle dance’ as his mother approached him. He was sitting down while doing it, but it was clear that the boy was excited. The closer Ashlyn got the more he wiggled his backside and the bigger his smile got.

“Bam, what am I gonna do when you get too big for me to carry?” Ash asked. She was having a reflective moment about how fast her son and favorite cuddle buddy was growing up. 

“Mama, I won’t get too big.” Samuel promised. 

Ash laughed and turned around so that her back was towards him. He used her shoulders to stand up and wrapped his arms around her neck loosely to hold on. Ash stood up and carried the boy down to the living room. 

Once Ash had set him down on the couch she said, “Look how big your big brother is.” Sam looked out to the back yard where Jake was helping Lexi with the family garden. 

“One day you’ll be as big as him...maybe even bigger.” Ashlyn watched as the boys eyes grew big in wonder. “I won’t be able to carry you anymore. You’ll be too big to sit on my lap and cuddle.” Ash explained. She was actually starting to get a little sad just thinking about it.

“Nuh uh, Mama!” Sam answered passionately. “I will always be able to cuddle you.” He insisted. 

Ash smiled to herself. “You’re right. Hopefully, when you’re as big as Jake you will still want to hug and give me cuddles. Sometimes when children grow up they don’t want to give their mamas cuddles anymore.” 

“Not me, Mama. I will always want to give you cuddles. You give the best hugs.”

Ashlyn gave her son one of her best hugs and hoped that there would never be a day when any of her children would feel too grown up to be affectionate towards her. She thought about her own childhood growing up and the contrast of her happy family life now. 

She never in a million years would have imagined that life could be so sweet. 

As Ashlyn started to get a little teary eyed thinking about her blessings, she felt her little cuddle buddy start to wiggle. 

“Mama!” Sam exclaimed. “Can you give me a ride outside? I wanna look for some bugs!” 

Apparently Sam thought his brother and sister were having too much fun in the garden without him. Ashlyn gladly let the boy carefully climb on her back. She didn't want to waste an opportunity to love on her son.


	227. Unfair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a FLASHFORWARD chapter.

“But Ma, it’s not fair!” Sam complained as he stomped loudly. He was following Ashlyn up the stairs.

“Son, you already know that your Mom and I feel that it’s best for you to have an adult with you. That’s it. We’re not going to change our minds about this.” Ash answered him.

Sam felt that as a 15 year old he should have more freedom than what his parents were giving him. 

“But Mama, we’re gonna have an adult with us.” He argued.

“Let me rephrase that, you need to have a responsible adult with you. Not some kid’s 18 year old brother.” Ash explained.

“But you let Lex and Jake go to concerts without adults when they were my age. It’s not fair!” Sam’s voice was shaking. He sounded both angry and hurt. He felt like his parents didn’t trust him.

“You’re right.” Ash confessed. “It’s not fair...but it’s what’s best for you. We love you and we want you to be safe more than we want to be fair.” 

“Whatever...” Sam said under his breath as the moody teenager walked away disappointed.

...

“My poor baby.” Ali said sadly. “I hate that we can’t let him go.” 

Samuel was the wildest of their children. He wasn’t a bad boy, he was just prone to get excited and sometimes that excitement turned into reckless decisions. His parents made a trip to the emergency room more often than they would’ve liked. He lived his life without fear and had plenty of broken bones to prove it. 

“We can’t have a bunch of kids driving an hour away and being gone all night. Not with our Sam-Bam.” Ash replied.

“I know. I just wish our sweet boy could understand why we made that rule for him.” Ali said.

“Me, too.” Ash agreed. She sighed loudly and said, “Sometimes parenting sucks!”

...

“This is Kiera.” Ali said as she introduced the 16 year old girl to her children. The first thing Ali had noticed about her when she picked her up was her sad but beautiful brown eyes. She wondered what had happened to make her so sad.

The Krieger-Harris children were used to meeting new foster brothers and sisters over the years. Even if they only stayed one or two nights, they would consider them family for the rest of their lives.

15 year old Sam, Lex who was 17, and the twins who were now 10 years old greeted the girl with compassion. They had heard many different stories attached to the kids that came in and out of their home. Some of those stories were more sad than others. Every child found a place in their home where they were loved and accepted.

Kiera was quiet. She naturally gravitated towards Lex and Sam because they were around her age. Ali watched as the girl nervously twisted her fingers and hands in her lap. It was clear that she was anxious.

After dinner the teenagers took over the living room and got to know one another better. 

“Do you have any brothers or sisters?” Lex asked. 

Kiera shook her head no.

“Do you have both a mom and dad?” Lex asked.

Sam butted in and said, “Or are you like us and have over-protective lesbian moms?”

Lexi slapped her brother’s arm and scolded, “Sam you’re such an idiot!” 

Sam was kinda being an idiot, but his immature behavior, along with his sister’s response brought a smile to Kiera’s face.

Lexi noticed and said, “You’re lucky you’re an only child. Trust me.” She winked at her and gestured towards her brother. Both girls enjoyed a laugh at Sam’s expense.

Kiera was starting to loosen up a little until she heard the door open. She stiffened when she saw a woman in a tank top with tattoos on her shoulders and down one arm. Ashlyn met her wide-eyed stare for a short moment before her wife grabbed her arm and pulled her away to the kitchen. 

Kiera anxiously watched as Ali explained why there was an extra member in their family that night. The girl had no idea that Ashlyn had the softest heart of the whole bunch. All she knew was that she looked intimidating and a little scary to her.

Lexi easily knew what the girl was thinking based on the freaked out look on her face as she stared at the back of Ashlyn. 

“That’s our other mom. She’s cool. You don’t need to be nervous.” Lexi explained.

“Yeah, she’s cool...unless you want to go to a concert with your friends.” Sam sulked. “Then she’s crazy and won’t let you do anything.” 

“Sam, shut up.” Lexi said with a frustrated tone. She gave her attention back to their guest and said, “He’s just bitter because he’s not allowed to go out this weekend.”

“Well, it’s not fair. You and Jake got to do whatever you wanted when you were my age.” Sam complained.

“Yeah, but our friends weren’t morons. Yours are!” 

Sam rolled his eyes and chose to ignore his sister. “So Kiera, what are your parents like?”

“Umm, well I just have one mom and she has a boyfriend who lives with us.” Kiera said nervously. She wasn’t sure how much to reveal about her life.

“Is your mom’s boyfriend nice?” Lexi asked. She had a hunch that he wasn’t.

“No, not really. He’s the reason I’m here.” The girl said sadly.

Sam got serious and asked, “What did he do?” 

Kiera exhaled slowly. She wanted to buy herself a little time. She considered not answering Samuel, or at least lying about it, but there was something that told her she was finally safe to tell the truth.

“He got upset. He pushed me and kicked me in the stomach. My mom took me to the hospital just to make sure I was ok, and they reported him. That’s when they took me out of the house. They said that if my mom can prove that we have a safe place to live, then we can be together again”

“Wow, sorry.” Lexi said, sympathetically.

“Dude, that’s rough.” Sam replied.

“Yeah, we don’t have a lot of money. That’s why she kept him around for so long. But now she has to figure out a way to support us without him.” The girl explained. 

At this moment Sam’s faithful dog and best friend, Monster, nudged Kiera’s knee with his nose. Samuel’s dog was always so good at knowing when his humans needed love and encouragement. Both Lexi and Samuel smiled at the sweet gesture of the dog. 

Kiera bent down so that her face was close to Monster’s head. Sam introduced the dog to the girl as Monster licked her face. Kiera’s face broke out into a smile. 

Being cared for by anyone other than her mother was strange to her. The fact that an entire family had embraced her was almost overwhelming.

“So...” Ashlyn interrupted the dog and teenagers. “I hear you’re joining us for a little while.” She stuck her hand out and with a smile said, “I’m Ashlyn.” After a hearty handshake Ash said, “I see you’ve already met my favorite teenagers.”

Ash winked teasingly at Sam, knowing that he was still a little upset with her.

“How long do you think you’ll be staying?” Ash asked.

Kiera immediately stiffened. As she tried to formulate words to answer Ashlyn, she began to stammer nervously. “I...uh...um...I’m...probably...uh not very, um, long.”

Ashlyn smiled widely and put her hand on the anxious girl’s shoulder. “You’re welcome here for as long as you need. You’re a part of our family now, though. So, I’m gonna have to ask you to relax. We’re all here to help you out in any way that we can.” 

Ashlyn waited for the girl to return her smile before saying, “I’m starving!” She turned back to her wife, who was gushing at her out of love and adoration, and said, “Where’s my dinner, woman?”

Ali’s look of adoration was replaced with a look of exasperation. As usual, her wife couldn’t handle letting a moment get too serious.

...

That night after everyone was in bed, including their guest, Ali and Ash went to their room for the night. Ashlyn had had a long work day and a hard workout that had zapped all of her energy. She quickly got ready for bed and climbed under the covers. Ali, on the other hand, took her time to turn in for the night. 

The women heard a knock at the door and Ali called for their late night visitor to come in. Samuel slowly opened the door and approached Ali. Ashlyn watched her son whisper something to his mother, kiss her cheek, and then sit down next to her on the bed. Ash sat up, anticipating that her son had something important he wanted to say.

“Hey, Ma.” Samuel said in a volume a little above a whisper.

“Hey, Bam.” Ash answered.

Sam sunk down a little lower into the bed and leaned into his mother’s side. Ash instinctively opened her arms up and held him close. Her big boy was still the same little boy who had stolen her heart so many years ago. 

“Sorry, I was mean to you.” Sam apologized sadly. He had regretted his words ever since talking to his new temporary foster sister.

“What’s wrong, Sam-Bam? What’s bothering you?” Ashlyn asked. She began to mindlessly play with a strand of Sam’s short hair. 

“Kiera told me about her mom. She said that she works all the time and tries really hard to take care of her, but she isn’t able to spend a lot of time with her. She said she wished she had someone that was making sure she was home safe and maybe even acting a little over-protective.” Sam explained.

He felt guilty about how he had complained about his parent’s concern.

“Sam, I understand why you were upset. I hate that we had to say no to you, but your Mom and I love you more than anything. It’s our job to love you the best way we know how, even when it’s doesn’t seem fair.”

“I know, Ma. I love you, too.”

Team Awesome shared a hug that Ali quickly joined. After a few more minutes of bonding, Ali sent Sam to bed so all three could get some sleep.

...

Kiera ended up staying for the rest of the week. Her mother got permission to move in with Kiera’s grandmother. The situation was much healthier, and with the elderly woman’s help, Keira’s mom was able to work less and spend more time with her daughter.

A few days after Kiera had left, Sam paid his mothers another late night visit. 

“What’s up, baby?” Ali asked lovingly. She loved her sweet Samuel’s heartfelt talks.

Sam walked in with his head down and his cell phone in his hand. Both of his parents knew right away that something was wrong. Ali had the boy sit down on the end of their bed, and both her and Ash sat on either side of him. Ali took Sam’s hand and Ash put her arm around his shoulders. 

“You were right.” Sam said in a daze. He handed his phone to Ashlyn and explained to his Mom what he meant. “The group that went to the concert got into a car accident. They were drinking.” He admitted. 

Sam would never have joined in with them in the drinking, but he wasn’t sure if he would have spoken up and told them not to drive. He was pretty confident that he would have tried to get home and away from them as quickly as possible. His desire to get home and out of an uncomfortable situation might have caused him to be in the car that crashed. 

“Is everyone ok?” Ali asked, worried that some other mother somewhere was facing the worst moment of their life.

“Yeah, I guess.” Sam answered. “A few of them are in the hospital, but no one died.”

“Thank God!” Ash said. She had read through the texts and pictures of the car that her son’s friend had sent while also listening to her son’s explanation.

“Thank YOU...” Ali said. “...for listening to us instead of sneaking out and getting into trouble. I’m proud of you for listening to us even though you didn’t understand why we didn’t want you to go.”

Sam nodded. Now he understood that his parents weren’t trying to be unfair. 

They were trying to love him in the best way possible.


	228. HMD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is a day late. I was hanging out with my mom all day yesterday. 
> 
> Happy mother's day, everyone.

Little Samuel's hands shook as he carried a tray of breakfast to his Mama. Lexi had her own matching tray for Ali. Both Jake and Rachel had one of the twins hands and led them into the room behind Lex and Sam.

Sam stuck his tongue out to the side as he concentrated hard on not spilling Ashlyn's coffee. Ali looked on at her little boy and was certain there would be a mess in his near future.

"Sweetheart, help him." She instructed Jacob. 

Jake answered, "He's fine. He's been practicing." 

Little Samuel was now almost 7 years old and he was more than big enough to carry a tray with a few items on it. However, Ali worried that the boy would struggle to focus long enough to get it safely to its destination. He was well intentioned, but often easily distracted. Ali nudged her wife and nodded toward him. Ash got the hint and went to Samuel instead of waiting for him to get to her.

Once they were all situated, the younger children joined them in bed. Jamie and Bella played with Ashlyn's cereal, while Samuel snuck a few bites of her bacon. Ali and Lexi were talking about the breakfast preparations when Ali used her hand to gesture that Rachel, Jacob's girlfriend, come sit next to her on the side of the bed.

Rachel loved Ali and looked up to her, not only as a role model for how she would want to grow up to be, but also as a mother figure in her life.

"How are you and your dad doing today?" Ali asked with a sweet and compassionate tone. Rachel's mother had passed away years ago and she knew that a day that celebrates mothers could be hard on the teenager.

Rachel shrugged, trying not to seem too emotional. The truth was that she begged Jacob to let her help with the Krieger-Harris family festivities because she didn't want to be home alone.

"My dad had to work, so I guess he's ok." Rachel answered.

Ali pulled a piece of stolen bacon from Samuel's hands and put it back onto her wife's plate before answering, "How about you? How are you doing, sweetheart?" 

Ali had purposely used the same term of endearment she uses for her own children. Rachel was practically a part of the family now. Ali had grown to love her over the years.

"I'm ok." Rachel answered with a shrug.

Jake butted in and answered for her. "She's sad." His girlfriend gave him a look and he explained his reasoning for telling his mother the truth. "We share our feelings in this family. You should know that by now."

Rachel knew he was right and that he meant well, but that didn't stop her from rolling her eyes at him. Once she gave Ali her attention she answered honestly, "Today is always hard."

"We should get your mom flowers." Ash suggested, surprising Ali, Jake, and Rachel that she had heard their conversation.

"No, I wouldn't want to ruin your day. Mother's Day is a big deal around here." Rachel answered.

"Actually..." Ali interrupted. "I think my wife is a genius." She squeezed Rachel's hand as she said, "It would mean an awful lot to us if you would let us do this for you."

Rachel started to get emotional and did her best to hide it, but she managed to answer, "Thank you."

...

Ali and Jacob walked with Rachel to her mother's grave while Ash stayed in the van with the younger children. They were on their way to meet Ali's dad for dinner and only had time for a short visit, but it was long enough for Rachel to feel like she could honor the woman she missed more than anything.

Jacob held his girlfriend’s hand as they walked to the gravesite. Ali walked alongside of them. Both Jake and Rachel followed her lead. When she stopped a few feet away, they stopped as well. 

Ali put her arm around Rachel’s shoulders and said, “We’ll give you some privacy.” 

She nodded toward her son to let him know that he needed to let his girlfriend have a moment alone. Jacob was thankful for the prompt. He wanted to be there for Rachel, but had no idea how to properly do that. The two of them watched as Rachel knelt down in front of her mother’s grave and gently placed the flowers Ali had helped her pick out on their way there. 

Rach grazed her hand over her mother’s engraved name on the tombstone and started to cry. Jacob looked toward his mom, desperate to go to his girlfriend and offer support. Ali held up her hand as if to tell him to wait. She then pulled him into a side hug to try to comfort him while they gave Rachel more time with her mother.

When Rachel turned around looking for him, Ali lightly pushed him forward to signal that it was time. He quickly went to Rachel’s side. Jacob embraced her and held her for a few moments before she went to Ali. Jacob’s girlfriend wanted to hug the woman who helped her have a special moment with her mother. It was a kind gesture that she would never forget. 

...

Ashlyn watched as her father-in-law put his arm around Ali and smiled. He had said that he wanted to take the whole family out to dinner to honor the married couple. Besides Jacob, the kids were still too small to really do anything too fancy, although the home made cards, hugs, and kisses were priceless. The relationship that Ali’s father had with her wife and children was something she could never get tired of seeing. He was thoughtful, loving, kind, and always looking out for them. He provided an example of what it means to be a good man. She was thankful her children had him to look up to.

Ash loved that her family always made a big deal of holidays. Family was the most important thing to her. Though these moments were overflowing with happiness, there was always a sliver of sadness in the mix. During every holiday, especially Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, Ashlyn would reflect on her past. When she was growing up she didn’t have a lot of stability from her parents. Her parents constantly let her down. 

Ashlyn held Bella in her arms as the two year old tried to fight off an oncoming nap. The toddler wanted to stay up and have fun with her family, but her eyes were getting heavier and heavier. Ash gave her youngest daughter a hug as she contemplated the lack of her own mother in her life. She had learned a long time ago that the best medicine for her sadness was the love of her wife and children. 

When Ashlyn looked towards Ali to remind herself of how lucky she was, she discovered that Ali was looking back at her. She watched as her wife leaned down and whispered something in Samuel’s ear. Sam looked up at her with excitement and nodded his approval of what she had told him. The boy did his famous wiggle dance as he leaned down to his baby brother Jamie and let him in on the plan. 

Jamie, held his hands up in the air and answered happily, “Okay, Bammy!” 

The twins were at a fun age now. They were able to run around and say short sentences. It was nice now that they slept through the night and were able to communicate with their family. 

Jamie had become Samuel’s shadow. He tried to do everything his big brother did. Just that morning he had snuck one of his brother’s bow ties from his dresser and brought it to Lexi to put on him. Lexi had her own copy cat in Bella. Both Lex and Sam were glad to teach them how to be awesome like them. 

Ash knew that her wife and two sons were up to something. It only took a minute for her to find out what it was. She watched as Samuel helped his little brother out of his booster seat and then grabbed the piece of paper the two of them had been drawing on. Jamie’s portion was made up of a bunch of scribbly lines, but Sam had drawn his Mama a soccer ball and a car that he said was her Jeep. He wrote a little note that said she was ‘Big in his heart’ and that she gave the best hugs and he was so glad she was his Mama. 

After the boys had given Ash their special picture, and after Ash had given her boys a ton of kisses, Ashlyn found her wife’s smiling face. She didn’t know how Ali always knew when the sadness crept in on days like this, but she was thankful she did.

...

Once the family had dropped Rachel off and returned home, Jacob found his Mama sitting outside on one of the swings in their backyard. 

“Hey.” The boy greeted.

“Hey, son.” Ash answered. “Pull up a swing.” 

He sat down on the swing next to her and asked, “Are you sad today?” 

“No. I was for about a minute, though.” 

“I thought so.” Jake answered.

Ash chuckled and asked, “You got me all figured out, huh?”

“Maybe.” The teenager answered with a smile. He got serious and asked, “Mama, how do you stop being sad? I want to help Rachel.” 

“I look at you, your brothers and sisters, and your Mom and that helps out a lot. But Rachel’s situation is different. She lost someone that loved her very much. No one will ever be able to replace her mother.” Ash replied.

“Well, what can we do to make her feel better?”

“Son, I think sometimes the best thing you can do is acknowledge that she has a right to be sad. You don’t have to come up with the perfect thing to say to make her feel better. Words will never be enough.” 

Jake threw his hands up and said anxiously, “Well then, what do I do?”

“You be there. Be present. Let her talk to you. Let her cry. Let her do whatever she needs to do. You can’t fix everything, but you can make a difference.”

“But I wish I could just fix it.”

Ash laughed at her son, not in mocking, but in understanding. “I know exactly what you mean. Nothing can make a person feel so powerless as watching someone they love suffer.” 

“I hate it!” Jake replied. 

Ash stood up from her seat on the swing and went to her son’s side. She put an arm around him and squeezed him before saying, “I promise that if you listen to her and look for ways that you can show her how much you care, you will be a huge help to her.” 

“I guess I can do that.” Jake answered, hopeful that maybe he could help his girlfriend after all.

Ashlyn kissed his forehead and said, “I’m gonna go put my awesome kids to bed and hang out with my hot wife. Don’t stay up too late.”

On that note, Ashlyn left her son to join the rest of their family in their nightly bedtime routine.

...

“You two and your bedtime stories.” Ali said completely exhausted. 

All of the kids had gathered into Samuel’s room for an imaginative story that Ash and Sam took turns telling. They made it up as they went along. It had turned into a story filled with characters that represented each member of the family. The story had now been going on for almost a year.

“Sorry. We got a little carried away tonight.” Ash apologized. 

“Our children kept getting more and more excited as your tale of warrior princesses and flying monkeys progressed. The point of bedtime stories is to put them to sleep, not keep them up.” Ali scolded. 

“Sorry, Babe. Sam-Bam and I can’t help it. When our creative juices start to flow it’s only a matter of time before a superhero destroys an evil villain. We’re just trying to bring world peace.” Ash explained. She threw a pillow at her wife and added, “With great power comes great responsibility.”

“You are such a huge dork!” Ali said with a laugh right before she hit her wife in the face with a pillow.

Ashlyn wrestled her to the bed and blew a sloppy wet raspberry kiss on Ali’s cheek. Ali struggled to free herself, but her fight was futile. Her wife was sitting squarely on top of her and she wasn’t going anywhere. Ali had to change her approach. 

“Baby, you haven’t asked me what I want for Mother’s Day yet.” Ali said. 

Ash assumed she would be happy with Ali’s answer so she asked, “What would you like for Mother’s Day, Alex?”

Ali didn’t answer with words, she answered by squeezing her wife’s butt. Ashlyn saw a familiar look in her eye and smirked. She immediately tore her shirt off and threw it on the floor. 

Ash went in for a kiss and as it deepened she sat up suddenly and said, “I forgot to call Grandma!” She jumped up off of her wife, and after grabbing her phone, left Ali to cool off. 

“Are you kidding me, Ash?!” Ali yelled in frustration. 

Unfortunately for her, Ash was long gone.


	229. Never Alone Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. This is a FLASHFORWARD chapter.
> 
> 2\. This chapter was hard to write. I got super emotional.

“Hey, dude.” Sam greeted his big brother as he flopped on the couch next to him. Jake was trying to concentrate on a video game. Lexi followed her little brother and sat down beside him.

Sam had dropped by unexpectedly. It wasn’t something that was out of the ordinary. Samuel recharged by being around people he loved. In the rare occasions that he had a day off with nothing to do, he would usually find one of his family members to hang out with. Today Lexi and Jacob were the lucky ones to be graced by his presence.

Jacob seemed to be tuning his siblings out. Lexi did not find his behavior acceptable. “Jacob, turn your dumb game off and give us some attention!” She demanded.

The princess needed her big brother to be attentive to her, so she left her spot on her brother's leather couch and pushed the power button on the gaming console.

“Why did you do that?” Jacob yelled in frustration.

“Relax, man.” Sam said, defending their sister.

Jacob was clearly upset. “Why are you guys even here? I’m trying to relax in my game room on my day off. I don’t have any kids around and you two decide to come over and bug me...”

“What is your problem, man? Take it easy.” Sam replied. Lexi was almost in tears. Both brothers were usually very protective of their sister, but at the moment one brother didn’t seem to care.

“My problem is that I have things going on right now and all I want to do is zone out and play a stupid video game!” Jake answered. His voice cracked at the end of his complaint.

Sam was ready to punch him in the arm and tell him to apologize, but Lexi caught on to the situation and stopped him from making things worse. “Sammy, let it go.” She said and gave him a serious look. He wanted to argue, but Lexi’s eyes told him not to.

Lexi asked her big brother, “What’s going on, Jake?”

Jacob sighed loudly and said, “Rach is pregnant.”

“And that’s a bad thing?” Sam asked.

“My wife is high risk. She almost died the last time she was pregnant. We lost our baby. She wasn’t supposed to get pregnant again.” Jake explained. It was clear that he was scared to death.

“Maybe you should stop knocking her up.” Sam joked. He was trying to lighten the mood. He failed miserably.

“Stop talking.” Lexi said to her little brother and then said, “Jacob, maybe this time will be better.”

“Last year she miscarried twice. I can’t go through that again. And I know she can’t either.”

This time Lexi really did start crying. “Why didn’t you say anything?” Lexi asked. The family had no idea that Rachel had miscarried in the past. All they knew about was the last baby they had lost.

“Rachel didn’t want me to say anything. She didn’t want you guys to think less of her or to pity her. She especially doesn’t want Mom to know. You CANNOT tell Mom!” Jake instructed.

“Mom and Ma can help her.” Sam said confidently.

Jacob disagreed, “She doesn’t want a bunch of attention. That would be the worst thing that could happen. Mom would freak out and hover around her to try to help her. Rachel would hate that.”

“If you didn’t want her to get pregnant then why weren’t you more careful?” Sam asked.

Lexi rolled her eyes and said to Samuel, “I thought I told you to stop saying dumb things. You’re not allowed to talk anymore.”

Samuel felt a little offended but got over it when Jake answered. “She keeps track of her...” Jake tried to come up with the right word, but couldn’t. “...stuff.” He made sure his siblings understood what he was talking about before he continued. “Anyway, she was a couple days off. She’s a doctor and always super careful. She just made a mistake. Anyway, it doesn’t matter now.”

“Maybe this time things will be different and everyone will be healthy.” Lexi encouraged.

“I wish I could believe that.” Jake answered. “But I know that it’s not going to be ok.”

“How do you know?” Sam asked. He looked at Lexi to make sure he didn’t say anything wrong. Lex didn’t seem to disapprove of his question.

“I just know.” Jacob answered. Neither sibling knew what to say.

Samuel stood up and turned Jake’s game back on. He picked up one of the unused controllers and started a new game. The topic of Rachel and babies weren’t brought up again for the rest of the time they were together that day.

...

“Hey, Mama.” Lexi said as she gave Ashlyn a hug and kiss.

“Hello, my little princess.” Ash greeted and helped her daughter carry in the laundry she had brought over.

“How long am I gonna be your ‘little’ princess?” Lexi asked with a laugh. Ashlyn had been calling her that since she could remember.

“Until the day I die.” Ash answered. “You’re always going to be my little girl. It doesn’t matter how old or how awesome of a woman you become. You are still my little princess.”

“Ok, Mama.” Lexi answered.

She loved the special relationship she had with her mother. Ashlyn’s goal in life seemed to be to make her feel special. Oftentimes she would ponder her Mama’s certainty about her value and it would be enough to pull her out of whatever despair she was feeling. Ashlyn’s words and actions over the years had added up to her daughter knowing she was loved and treasured.

“Have you talked to Sam-Bam lately?” Ash asked. “He seemed sad when I talked to him today. He is usually joking around and being crazy, but he was really quiet. I thought maybe you would know something about that.”

Ashlyn could tell right away that her daughter did, in fact, know what was bothering Samuel, but for some reason Lex wasn’t sharing what she knew.

“Umm, I don’t know.” Lex lied.

Ashlyn shook her head in disbelief. “Can I ask you another question?” Ash asked.

“Sure.” Lex answered nervously.

“Why would my sweet little princess, the apple of my eye, lie to me?” Ash asked, laying on the guilt as thick as she could.

“The only way I can tell you is if you promise not to tell Mom.” Lex answered.

“You know I can’t do that.” Ash replied.

Lexi threw her hands up in the air dramatically and said, “Then I can’t tell you!”

“Ok.” Ash said. “I’m sure children all over the world live happy lives in spite of lying to their parents.” Ashlyn had learned a thing or two over the years about getting information out of her children.

“Fine!” Lexi said, sighing loudly. “It’s about Jacob and Rachel.”

Lexi explained everything that her older brother had told her and Samuel. Ashlyn’s heart broke. Even though her oldest children were all grown up, she still felt the need to protect them and make sure they were happy and safe. Knowing that her child was hurting, was the worst feeling she could ever have.

...

“My poor baby.” Ali said in response to what her wife had told her. “Both of my babies.” She corrected herself. Rachel had become one of her precious children too.

“What are you gonna do? Jake specifically said that Rachel didn’t want us to know.” Ash said.

Ali felt she had no other choice. “I’m going to tell her that she’s not alone. We know what it’s like to have a hard time conceiving.”

“Yeah, but we didn’t experience what they have gone through. It’s not the same. I can’t even imagine dealing with what they've gone through.” Ash replied. “Alex, you need to give them their privacy.” Ash warned.

Ali hummed a response and turned off her bedside light.

“I’m serious, Babe. You can’t fix this.” Ash said.

“I heard you the first time.” Ali said as she rolled into her wife and rested her head on her shoulder.

“Why do I have a feeling you’re going to do what you want anyways?”

“I have no idea. I always do everything you tell me.” Ali answered.

Ash laughed loudly and said, “Now, I know you’re going to ignore me.”

“Baby, I would never!” Ali said sarcastically and kissed her wife’s jaw.

Both women fell asleep knowing that their son and daughter-in-law were no longer going to be alone in their pain.

Ali would never allow it.

...

_**TWO WEEKS LATER** _

“How is she?” Ali whispered as she hugged her eldest son.

Jacob whispered back, “Not good. She blames herself.”

“She shouldn’t. She of all people should know that she has no control over these things.” Ali replied.

Rachel had miscarried for the third time in a year and a half, and Ali had visited to check up on her.

“She says crazy things.” Jake answered. “She thinks she’s letting me down. She said she didn’t want you to think less of her.”

“Me?” Ali asked in surprise. “Why would I think less of her? She knows how hard of a time I had getting pregnant. Besides she has already had two children. I couldn’t be more proud of her.”

“Yeah, but you guys have five kids.”

“And more than half of those five kids are adopted.” Ali said, as if Jacob needed reminded.

“I know, Mom! I’m not the one who needs convincing.”

“I know. I know....” Ali answered. She lightly slapped his chest and said, “Now where’s my daughter-in-law?”

Jacob led her to the children’s playroom where his wife was watching their 5 year old daughter and 3 year old son. Rachel was doing all she could to hold it together.

“Hi, Sweetheart.” Ali greeted. She sat down on the floor next to where Rachel was sitting with her grandson, Asher. The boy was playing with building blocks and Rachel was guarding his creation from his big sister. Little Abby loved knocking them over.

“Hey, Mom.” Rachel said to her mother-in-law.

Ali was distracted by her grandchildren’s cuteness for a few moments before she shifted her focus back to her son’s wife. “How you holding up?”

“I’m ok.” Rachel answered in a hollow voice. She obviously wasn’t ok. “I worry about your son, though.” She added. “He doesn’t think to eat unless I remind him, and I am too distracted to remember. I would probably forget to feed the kids if they weren’t able to tell me they’re hungry.”

“Ash and I wanted to offer to take the kids for a few days if you think it would help.” Ali offered. “You and Jacob could use a little time alone.”

Rachel sighed tiredly and answered honestly, “I don’t know if I could handle being away from my children right now.”

“How about for a couple of hours? You can let your husband take you out for a nice dinner, where you’ll know for sure he’ll eat something.” Ali asked.

Rachel watched her son use his little fingers to carefully stack his blocks. Every time he would add another block on top of what he called his ‘tower’ he would look back at her and look for her approval. The overwhelming love she had for her son almost made her feel worse, because it reminded her of the other babies she had lost in the past. It reminded her that she would never watch them build towers or see them look back at her while she watched them with pride.

Just as Rachel was about to answer Ali, her wild 5 year old daughter came crashing through and destroyed Asher’s tower. The boy tried to hit his sister with his hand but completely missed and ended up losing his balance. He fell and hit his head on some of his toys. He ended up with a bruise on his cheek, causing him to scream until his mother came to his rescue.

At the sound of his son crying, Jacob joined the women in the play room and went to his son. As soon as the boy saw him he reached out for him and cried for his daddy. Asher leaned away from her to reach toward Jake and it caused Rachel to pull him in close to her chest and say, “Don’t take my baby from me!”

Immediately she realized what she had said and felt horrible and embarrassed all at the same time.

Jacob replied to her outburst by saying, “I just thought I would take care of him so you two could talk.”

“Sorry.” Rachel apologized and released the boy from her grip. She let her husband take him and then apologized to Ali for what she had done in front of her. “Sorry about that. I guess it would probably be good for us to have some time alone.”

Jacob saw his wife start to cry as she opened up to Ali. He scooped up his free spirited, rough housing daughter and carried both children away to give the women some privacy.

...

_**THREE WEEKS LATER** _

“Sam-Bam!” Jake yelled toward his brother. “Come get your niece before she beats up her little brother!” Jacob’s daughter was a tough little girl. She loved playing with her brother, but he was still too small for her energy and strength.

Samuel was Abigail’s favorite person in the entire world. Jake knew that if Uncle Sam was playing with his daughter then his son would be safe. The little girl was a lot like her crazy uncle. Little Asher was more quiet and calm like Jacob. Sam had just arrived with Lexi at their parents’ house for a family dinner. Jake was ready for reinforcements.

Without a hug for his mothers, or a word, Sam started chasing his niece around the house.

“Was that my son who just passed by?” Ash asked after Sam rushed by her in a blur.

The house was loud, filled with laughter and conversation. Rachel and Ali were in the kitchen putting the finishing touches on dinner. Ashlyn used the opportunity to catch up with her oldest son and daughter, while they tossed a ball back and forth with her grandson.

After several minutes they heard Ali call out to them that it was time to eat. Before Ash could catch Asher’s final throw, Abigail came crashing through their calm circle. She was running from Sam, who was stomping towards her making monster noises. The little girl hid behind her daddy and screamed in excitement as Sam got closer to her.

Ashlyn smiled as she held her arms out toward her two favorite crazies. Sam scooped up his niece and the two of them gave her a big hug. “Hey, Ma.” Sam said and kissed her cheek.

“Hey, Ma!” Little Abby repeated.

Ashlyn cracked up, thinking back to when Sam would do the exact same thing to her. She really loved her little family.

...

Ali finished washing her face and joined her wife in bed. She let out a long sigh of contentment that got Ashlyn’s attention.

“What?” Ash asked. Something had obviously pleased her wife. Ash was hoping it was her. She also knew that Ali wanted her to ask what was going on. That was the whole reason for the sigh.

“Someone just told me something that made me happy.” Ali said. Her head was resting in it’s usual spot on Ashlyn’s shoulder. Ash could feel that she was smiling.

“What? Who?” Ash asked. She needed more answers.

Ali propped herself up and looked her wife in the eyes and said, “Rachel told me that they want to carry on the Krieger-Harris legacy.”

“What does that even mean?” Ash asked.

Ali’s eyes began to water, making Ashlyn worry that she was about to hear something horrible. Ali noticed and hurried to share the secret she was keeping.

Ali squeezed Ash’s cheeks together and said, “Jacob and Rachel are going to adopt.” Ashlyn was speechless. Ali continued, “You should have heard our daughter-in-law. She said that Jacob went on and on about how we saved his life. He said that somewhere out in the world there is a child who needs to know that he or she is important and that they are loved.”

Now it was Ashlyn’s turn to tear up. To hear that her kids wanted to help children who needed love in the world, made her feel like her life had come full circle.

The years she had spent in and out of foster homes and wishing that someone would love her came flashing back into her mind. She remembered the day when her and Ali had decided that they wanted to love on children who were hurting and needed someone in their lives they could count on. She remembered the day when they brought Lexi and Sam home. She remembered meeting Jake while they stood in line to use a bathroom at a pizza place. And she remembered the day in the social worker’s office when they found out that Jacob was Sam and Lexi’s big brother. She remembered waiting to hear if he wanted to be a part of their family, praying that he would say yes.

All of her emotions hit her like a flood, causing her to break down. Ali watched as Ashlyn began to shake and weep. She never thought in a million years that this would be her wife’s response.

“Baby, what is it?” Ali asked. She kissed Ashlyn’s wet cheeks and pulled her into a hug.

“I’m ok.” Ash sobbed, making her wife think she was NOT ok.

“Sweetheart, what is it?”

Ash wiped her face on Ali’s sleeve, which grossed her wife out, and said, “I’m just thinking.”

“What are you thinking about?” Ali asked. She ignored the wet spot on her shirt made up of Ashlyn’s tears and snot.

“Honestly?” Ash asked. Ali nodded and Ashlyn continued. “I’m thinking about when I was all alone. I never imagined that I could ever have a life like this.”

Ali smiled sweetly and said, “You’ll never be alone again.”

“Yeah...exactly.”


	230. Hussy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a prompt request. Thanks for the idea. I appreciate that you guys are still sticking with me. I hope this chapter is fun and light-hearted.

“Mommy, you never listen to me!” Lexi yelled. She stomped her way towards her room to get away from her mother. She stopped at the bottom of the stairs and turned toward her brother. “Sammy, come on.” She ordered. 

Rebellion didn’t come naturally to Samuel. He was always a step behind when Lexi tried to make a dramatic scene. In this case, Ali had been chasing her two year old twins around the house all day. She was cleaning up mess after mess. The most recent problem for her was an upset stomach from Bella. She was trying her best to keep the two twins apart because she didn’t want Jamie to catch whatever his sister had. Unfortunately, separating them meant that both toddlers were upset.

Lexi was an eight year old diva. Six year old Samuel had become her shadow. The two of them had been trying to get Ali’s attention all day. Poor Ali was too overwhelmed to notice. The first moment she realized her daughter was upset with her was when Lexi yelled at her and left in anger.

Sam wasn’t angry with Ali, but he was hurt. His sensitive heart didn’t handle being ignored by his mother very well. Besides Ash, Ali was the person he looked to for approval from the most. Lexi’s dissatisfaction with their mother stirred up a little bit of an attitude in him. When Lexi demanded that he follow her he put his head down and walked up the stairs behind her. 

Lexi stomped with loud heavy steps. Samuel stepped lightly as big tears welled up in his eyes. Once his sister had turned the corner at the top of the stairs, Samuel turned around and caught Ali’s gaze. He hurried back down the stairs and ran to her. He planted his head into her stomach and cried.

With her hand behind his head, she pulled him into her body. She lowered down to her knees and enveloped him in the kind of embrace that only a mother can give. “Baby, I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings.” Ali apologized. “Your little brother and sister are having a hard day.”

“I know, Mommy.” Sam answered. 

Ali looked up toward the stairway where her daughter had just disappeared to. She was ready to throw in the towel. It was time to call in reinforcements. “Go get your sister. We’re gonna go see Mama.”

Ash was working at her newly opened business. She had been working long hours trying to establish a client base and hopefully bring in some kind of income after the huge startup cost. 

“We’re gonna work with Mama?” Sam asked. That was basically his dream come true. Ashlyn had given him a tour of the small gym she and Ali had bought and he was immediately interested in playing with all of the equipment. 

“Yep.” Ali answered. She knew her wife was busy, but she was about to lose her mind. 

...

“Just five more good reps.” Ash said. “You’ve got this. Focus on your breathing.” Ash said to the attractive woman she was helping sculpt and tone her body. 

Ali walked in and caught sight of her wife the exact moment the woman put her hand on Ashlyn shoulder and leaned into her out of pure exhaustion. Ashlyn put her arm around the woman’s waist and helped steady her.

Ali was already irritable, it didn’t take much for a fire to spark within her. With both two year olds in each arm and Lex and Sam trailing behind, Ali headed straight for Ashlyn. She arrived just in time to hear Ashlyn share a laugh with the beautiful woman. 

“Ashlyn.” Ali said in a normal volume, but the tone was unmistakeable to Ash.

Ashlyn turned toward Ali and took in the scene of her four youngest children. She was shocked to see them all there. Working long hours doing something that she loved wasn’t something she complained about, but the time away from her family was a high price that she hated having to pay.

“Hey guys.” Ash said, greeting her kids. She immediately took Jamie from her wife’s arms to lighten her load. “What are you doing here?”

Before Ali answered Ash’s question she gave her attention to the pretty blonde that, in her opinion, had been acting too chummy with her wife. “Pardon us.” Ali said with a hint of bite in her tone. “I need to talk to MY WIFE.” She was sure to claim what was hers. Ali didn’t want to make any room for mistake.

Ash turned toward her client and said, “Sorry, I hope you don’t mind. I’ll be right back.” She didn’t wait for a reply from the woman. It was clear that her wife was upset and there was no way she was going to have a difficult conversation in front of one of her clients. 

Ashlyn led her family to her small office and closed the door behind them. She scanned her children’s faces and knew that something was up. With a calm, quiet voice she asked, “What’s up, babe?”

“Don’t ‘What’s up, babe?’ me!” Ali barked.

Ash put Jamie down and opened up the bottom drawer of her desk. She pulled out several things for her children to play with and waited until all four were preoccupied with building blocks and coloring books before addressing her wife again. 

“Alex, what is going on?” Ash asked. 

“Who is that woman who’s feeling you up in public?” Ali whisper-yelled. 

Ashlyn’s eyes went wide with surprise. “What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about that hussy out there who had her hands all over you. Is this what happens when you’re working long hours?” Ali asked accusingly.

“Ok, you’re acting crazy. Obviously, you’ve had a rough day. What’s really wrong?” Ash asked. 

Ali let out a long calming breath and stepped forward into her wife’s arms. As Ash held her she told her about her long day with their wild and crazy children. After her emotions had settled, Ali quietly said jokingly, “Can I leave them here with you?”

Ash laughed at the sound of slight desperation in her wife’s voice. She kissed Ali’s head and answered, “Leave me the two big ones. I can watch them for a while.”

“Yeah, I wish.” Ali said. There was no way Ashlyn could possibly be serious. At least that’s what Ali thought.

“Alex, I can figure something out for my last couple appointments. I’ll apologize like crazy and write out what I want them to do and have them do it on their own. If all else fails I’ll have Sam stare them down with his big brown eyes. No one will be able to say no to him.” Ash said. “Just let me finish up with my new girlfriend and we’ll be good to go.” Ash joked, referring to the blonde who had caused her wife to act a little insane.

“You’re horrible.” Ali replied and pinched her wife’s arm. She got serious and said, “Thank you. I love you.”

After a strict order to Lexi and Sam to stay in her office ,and more importantly stay out of trouble, Ash helped Ali and their two youngest children out to Ali’s car. When she came back she found her son talking to the pretty blonde she had been helping out prior to her wife’s interruption.

“Who are you?” Sam asked the woman.

“I’m your Mom’s client.” She answered. 

“Look at this.” The boy said and then flexed his bicep to show off his little muscle.

The woman made a big deal out of the boy’s display of strength and said, “Woah! Do you train with your Mom?” 

“Yes!” Sam answered. “Mama lets me pump iron when we walk with Monster.” The ‘iron’ Sam was talking about pumping was two pound weights that he curled as they walked around the neighborhood. He had watched his big brother do it and he wanted to do it too.

“Who’s Monster?” The woman asked. 

“My best friend.” Sam answered, not thinking to reveal that he was talking about a dog. “Besides my Mama, I mean.”

“Sam-Bam, what are you doing?” Ash asked once she had finally made it back to her client. 

“Mama, you’re my best friend, right?” Sam asked. He already knew the answer, but he wanted to show off in front of his new friend.

“You better believe it!” Ash answered emphatically. “Where’s your sister?” Ash asked. 

“Lex is helping at the front.” Sam answered. Ash turned toward the entrance where she had just walked by and saw her daughter at the check-in area helping Annie, her and Ali’s dear friend, fold towels.

Ashlyn’s client spoke up and said, “It looks like your kids are taking over the place.”

“It looks like they are.” Ash answered. “Can you give me just one more minute?” She asked. She knelt down low enough for Sam to climb on her back and carried him to his sister. “Lex, it looks like you are being a good helper, but I need you and Bam to stay in my office until I’m done with my client.” 

Ashlyn told Annie, her only employee, to call all of her clients for the rest of the day and tell them that she was unable to see them due to a family situation. Annie told her that Lexi was being a big help and she didn’t mind watching both of her children if it would help. Ashlyn took her up on her offer and finished up the current session that had been interrupted.

“Sorry about all that.” Ash said. 

Her client was quick to answer, “Don’t worry about it. I completely understand.”

“Sorry if my wife made you feel awkward. She’s had a rough day.” 

“It’s fine, really.” The woman answered. She continued, “I totally understand. My husband coaches little league and I can’t tell you how many times I have wanted to punch one of the mothers in the face. She seems to think that it is necessary to hug him after every game. He's a good looking man. I get it. But hands off! He’s spoken for!” She said in exasperation. 

Ashlyn laughed at the comparison. She knew that Ali would have appreciated her client’s story of jealousy. The rest of the session was filled with occasional laughter and a lot of hard work.

...

“It was the cutest act of rebellion I’ve ever seen.” Ali laughed as she told her wife about Samuel’s attempt at following his sister’s lead in stomping away in anger.

“That’s awesome.” Ash said with a laugh. “Poor guy doesn’t have a mean bone in his body.”

Ali got serious as she nestled into her wife’s side. They had finally made it to bed after tucking in their youngest children for the night. “Thank you for not holding my freak out against me.” Ali said.   
 Ash tightened her hold on her wife and replied, “I’m sorry I haven’t been around more. I know with five kids it can be hard. I’m really trying to figure out how to balance everything better.”

“Ash, you’re doing an amazing job. Today was not your fault. It’s not usually that crazy around here. I’m proud of you. Soon we’ll be able to hire more employees and you’ll be able to be around more. Don’t let this discourage you. We’re all behind you, baby.” Ali encouraged. 

“Maybe one day one of our kids will work there.” Ash said hopefully thinking back at how Lex and Sam were acting at the gym.

“Maybe.” Ali replied.

Ash started to laugh when she remembered what had happened earlier. “I think Sam might be a natural.” Ash explained. She told her wife about how Samuel had taken over her training session and charmed her client the whole time. She suddenly got a thought and took the opportunity to give her wife a hard time. “Maybe we should talk to him about flirting with hussies.” Ash said, trying hard to keep a straight face.

Ali reached for her pillow and smacked Ash in the face with it. “You are the worst!” Ali exclaimed. She didn’t mean it. She actually meant that her wife was the best. Ali loved how Ashlyn could lighten any moment. Ali had had a tough day, but Ashlyn had successfully brought joy and energy back to her day. 

At the end of the day, Ali knew she could trust Ashlyn. But that didn’t mean she wasn’t on the look out for beautiful, flirtatious ‘hussies’ who were after her woman.


	231. It Was All For Them

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. This was a prompt request from a while ago. (Thank you for your patience, my friend.)
> 
> 2\. This is a FLASHFORWARD chapter.

“My beautiful wife has decided to grace us with her presence.” Ali announced as Ashlyn joined her and their daughter for breakfast. Ashlyn headed straight for the coffee maker. As she poured herself a cup of coffee Ali whispered in her ear, “Even our boy beat you waking up this morning. You feeling ok?”

Ashlyn looked a little surprised in her groggy state and asked, “Jame is up?”

“He already ate and is finishing getting ready.” Ali answered. She kissed her wife’s cheek and asked what she wanted for breakfast.

Ashlyn didn’t feel like eating, but ate anyway. She had always stressed to her clients at her gyms that they needed to fuel their bodies properly. Ashlyn had inspired many people to a better, healthier life. What would surprised them was that they had inspired her also.

After breakfast the twins left for school. They were now seniors in high school and they were able to drive themselves. Ali had a long list of things she needed to do and Ash had to get to work. The couple shared a kiss before going their separate ways for the day. 

...

“Sam, we need to load up. We’ve got a call and we’re the closest unit to the location.” Eric, Sam’s fellow firefighter, yelled across the firehouse. The rest of their unit was out on a fire call and they were left behind in case there was another emergency situation. 

Sam and Eric left for the address that Eric had heard on the radio. As Eric drove Sam began to get a sick feeling in his stomach. The closer they got to the emergency the worse he felt. As his partner pulled into his mother’s gym parking lot, he was ready to throw up.

Sam ran into the building, leaving Eric behind to carry in the emergency supply bag. A woman at the front desk was waiting at the door to show him to the person in need. Ashlyn was lying on the ground unconscious with a bad head wound. One of her employees was holding a white towel against her head that was soaked with blood. 

“What happened?” Sam asked. He took the bloody towel from the young woman and examined his mother more closely. 

The woman was in tears when she explained that Ashlyn had had something that looked like a seizure and fell. When she fell she hit her head and had been unconscious ever since.

Eric and Sam worked on the wound, immobilized her with a neck brace and backboard and put her in their truck to take her to the hospital. Sam stayed in the back with his mother. Once Eric had left him in the back and started driving, Sam felt panic rise within him. He fumbled in his pocket for his phone and called the only person who could help him feel better.

“Mom...” Sam said as soon as Ali answered. The 23 year old man was close to tears and Ali could hear it in his voice.

“Sweetheart, what’s wrong?” Ali asked in full on super-mom mode. She was at the grocery store perusing the organic foods. She left her grocery cart in the middle of the aisle and jogged to her car. She didn’t need to hear Sam’s explanation to know that he needed her.

“It’s Ma.” Sam said softly, with a shaken voice. “We’re on our way to the hospital. I think it’s her brain.” 

The family’s worst nightmare was that the head trauma that had caused Ash to retire from soccer would haunt her for the rest of her life...and one day take her life. Sam held Ashlyn’s hand and searched her face for some sign that she would come back to them. 

“Baby, I’m on my way. I will meet you there. Make sure to stay with her.” Ali answered. She didn’t have any words of comfort for her son, she was freaked out. “Samuel, I’ll be there soon.”

...

Ali found her son in an empty hospital room. “Where is she?” She asked. The sight of her scared son, who was usually strong and not afraid of anything, hit her like a wave. In the moment it took for Sam to answer her she felt the weight of the possibility of losing her wife. A world without Ashlyn would be a world too dark for Ali to survive in. 

“They’re running a bunch of tests.” Sam answered. “Rachel’s here.” Jacob’s wife was the second person Sam called. He knew that she often had rounds at the hospital and there was a chance that she would be there. She was at the entrance of the ER when Sam and Ashlyn arrived. Though Sam had to stay behind, she could go with Ashlyn to get her testing done. She vowed not to leave Ash’s side.

“Thank God.” Ali whispered. “She’s with her?” Ali asked for confirmation of something she already knew to be true. Her daughter-in-law would do all she could for the Krieger-Harris family.

Sam nodded and answered, “Yeah. She promised she would stay with her.”

“She’s a good girl.” Ali mumbled. Knowing Rachel with her genius brain was watching over her wife was an ounce of comfort that she didn’t have before. 

A few minutes later Lexi and Jacob arrived. When Jake heard from his wife what had happened, he knew that Sam would be calling Lex next. He didn’t want his anxious sister to drive. Jacob called her and instructed Lexi to wait for him to get her.

The family was huddled together when Rachel and two nurses brought Ashlyn into the room. Rach shared a look with Jacob before calling Ali over to her side to take Ash’s hand from her. Rachel had been holding it every moment she could during the tests and trip to the room.

Ali took Ashlyn’s hand with both of hers and began to cry. She felt her daughter-in-law’s arms around her. Rachel informed her family of all she knew. “She’s been in and out of consciousness since she got her. She’s really out of it. She didn’t recognize me.”

“She didn’t recognize you?” Ali asked. She turned away from Ash just enough to get a look at Rachel’s face. She needed to know for sure that she heard her correctly. 

“No.” Rachel confirmed. Her heart broke at the sight of Ali’s worried face. Ali and Ashlyn had welcomed her into their family when she was still just a kid. Her own mother had died and Ali and Ash were always mindful of including her and watching over her as if she was their own child. She hated feeling so helpless.

Jacob left his younger siblings’ side and went to his wife and mother. He was the calm one in the family. He was also very protective of his family. He held both Rachel and Ali in a strong embrace until they were interrupted by Ashlyn. 

“Mom.” Jake whispered. He nodded toward Ashlyn who was starting to stir. It felt as if time stopped and the room cleared. All Ali was aware of was her wife. 

Ash, with eyes still closed, grimaced and used her free hand to reach up to her head. She felt the bandage that was wrapped around the wound and slowly opened her eyes. She took in her surroundings and began to panic. 

“Baby, you’re ok.” Ali said. She hoped the test results would later support her statement. Ali bent down so that her face was all that Ash could see. “You fell at work. Sammy was one of the ones who came to your rescue.” Ali looked toward her son, who looked so small, even in his firefighter uniform.

Ashlyn followed her wife’s line of sight and found her son. In a barely audible voice she whispered, “Sam-Bam.” The entire room felt relief wash over them. She could at least remember one of them. That had to be a good sign.

“Ash, do you remember anything?” Ali asked. “Do you know who I am?” Ali added nervously.

Ash gave her wife her full attention and answered in a raspy voice. “Alex.” She cleared her throat and asked, “Am I dying?”

The question threw Ali off. She realized she didn’t really know the answer. Everyone looked toward Rachel. Rachel stood up straight, took a deep breath, and let her doctor side come out. 

“We are waiting on tests. We need to determine what caused you to pass out. One of your employees said it looked like you were having a seizure. That could mean that this is from your past medical history. We’re hoping it’s a separate issue, but we can’t be sure until we find out more information.” Rachel answered.

...

As the family waited and Ashlyn slept, Ali felt more and more guilty. She felt like she should have known better than to let Ashlyn go to work that morning. Ash was tired and looked more worn out than usual. Ali had asked if she was feeling ok, but didn’t press for an answer. She wondered if she could have done something more to protect her.

...

Ashlyn was propped up in her and Ali’s bed. She was told that she needed at least a week of bed rest after being released from the hospital. Ali caught her trying to escape earlier that day and made a big commotion about it. When she caught Ash getting up again she broke out into a lecture.

“Baby, this is the reason we are in this situation to begin with.” Ali scolded. 

“But...” Ash tried to explain her situation but Ali quickly cut her off.

“No ‘buts,’ Ashlyn! We always go through this. You wear yourself out working too hard and it’s finally caught up with you. The doctor said that you need to rest and recover, or else your body is going to fail you again.” 

Ashlyn’s chronic head problems were made worse by her high-pressure, chaotic schedule. She had pushed her body to the breaking point.

“But, Alex I...”

Ali cut her off again and physically guided her back into their bed. “I SAID NO BUTS!”

Ashlyn held her hand up like a child in a classroom wanting to be called on. Ali’s lips turned up slightly when she asked, “What?”

“I was just gonna say that I promise I will take it easy.” Ash replied. The doctor had not only told her that she could lose her life but also that she could lose her driving privileges. For some reason the thought of not being able to drive her Jeep carried more weight than the idea of losing her life. It was ridiculous, but it was Ashlyn.

“Thank you.” Ali replied.

Ash raised her hand one more time, getting a huge smile from her wife. Ali nodded and said, “You are so cute. After all these years, how is it that you so easily make me smile?” It was a rhetorical question. She added, “What is it, Baby?” She assumed Ash had one more thing to say.

“Well, I promise to behave and not disobey doctor’s orders, but I really need to pee.”

Ali couldn’t hold in her laughter.

“Have you been trying to go to the bathroom this whole time?” Ali asked. Her poor wife was seconds away from wetting the bed and she kept forcing her to stay in bed.

“Yeah. My bladder is about to explode. You made me drink two glasses of water and a gatorade since I woke up.” Ash explained.

“Baby, I have to keep you hydrated.” Ali answered. “Rachel told me your body is working extra hard to recover.”

“I know. I’m not blaming you for the liquids in my body, but I am gonna blame you if they leave my body before I have a chance to get to the bathroom.” Ash replied. Her wife smiled sweetly at her and stretched her arm out. Ash took her hand and Ali helped her up. 

While Ash was finally emptying her bladder, Ali heard a noise from downstairs. She heard heavy steps making their way up the stairs. She was pretty sure that it was one of her children and not a body snatcher but she wanted to make sure just in case. 

Ali met her son at the top of the stairs. “Sweetheart, what are you doing here?” 

Samuel shrugged and answered, “Just wanted to check on Ma.” 

“You are the sweetest boy.” Ali commented.

Ali gave her son a quick hug and as they walked to her bedroom Sam asked, “How is she?”

“She’s doing well. As rambunctious as ever.” Ali answered with a smile. Right before they walked through the open doorway she said, “Your Mama is gonna be so happy to see you.”

“Who am I gonna be happy to see?” Ash asked. She had just finished washing her hands and was haphazardly drying them on the sides of her shorts. 

“Me!” Sam announced proudly. He had no doubt in his mind that he had the power to brighten his mother’s day just with his presence. 

“Bam!” Ash said excitedly. 

He picked her up in his arms and held her tight. Ali tapped him on the shoulder and said, “Please be careful with her.”

“Sorry, Mom.” Sam apologized and set Ash’s feet down gently on the floor.

Ashlyn gave her wife a stern look and said, “Alex, relax. I’m not gonna break.”

“When you’re the one that has to rush to the hospital to check on your unconscious wife, you can tell me to relax. Now get back into that bed!” Ali countered.

Sam lifted his mother up and laid her down on the bed. “She’s got a point, Ma.”

The satisfied look on Ali’s face couldn’t fully explain how it felt for Sam to FINALLY take her side over Ashlyn’s. Samuel winked towards her and asked, “Do you two mind if I hang out with you today?”

Ali’s smug look turned into one of absolute adoration. To Ali, there was no one in the world sweeter than her children.

“Heck yeah, dude. Get over here!” Ash answered and patted the empty space next to her. Sam took his shoes off and jumped like Superman onto the spot next to his mother. 

Ali had to hold back from lecturing her adult son about jumping on the bed and being too rough with Ashlyn. She knew her words and efforts would be in vain with her two wildest family members.

The three of them spent several hours making the most of the opportunity to spend time together. Ali watched over her wife closely, wanting to make sure that every measure was being taken to keep her healthy.

Even though the couple’s youngest children were old enough to take care of themselves, Ali still tried to have snacks ready for them when they returned from school. It was her way of keeping them young just a little bit longer. Ali had left Ash and Sam to prepare a few things for the twins’ return. Sam was glad to have some time alone with the other half of Team Awesome. He had something he needed to get off of his chest.

“Hey, Ma...”

“Yeah?”

Samuel fidgeted a little while he tried to find the right words to say. Ashlyn put her hand on his leg and encouraged, “Bam, what is it? You don’t have to be nervous about talking to me.”

“I know.” Sam answered. He sat up a little straighter and opened up his heart to his mother. “Ma, I need to tell you something.” He grabbed Ashlyn’s hand and suddenly the moment turned much more serious than the two of them were used to having together. “When I got the call about you, something in my gut told me that it was you. I mean, we didn’t know for sure based on the information, but I just knew.”

“I’m sorry, Bam. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“I know. It’s not your fault. But I wanted to tell you about another gut feeling I have.” Sam replied.  
 “Ok...” Ash answered cautiously. She had no idea where her son was going with this.

Sam nervously rubbed the back of his neck. A habit that he had learned from Ashlyn as a young child. He was always copying her and wishing he could be just like her. His biggest hero was lying in bed next to him waiting for him to share his heart.

“Ma, my gut is telling me that this is it for you. You’re not going to get another chance.”

“Umm, what do you mean by that?”

Samuel put his head down for a moment, nervous to say anything else. Ash quietly waited. When he brought his gaze back up to his mother, she could see tears had welled up in his eyes.

“Mama, you have multiple gym locations and your business is growing every day...and I’m so proud of you. But it’s gonna kill you one day.”

“Sam, that’s not true. You are worrying way too much, son.” Ash replied. Her son was inches from falling apart and all she wanted was to put his mind at ease.

Sam shook his head no and even pushed Ashlyn’s comforting hand away from him. He had to stay the course. He would never forgive himself if he stayed quiet and then something happened to his mother.

“Mama!” Sam yelled. Ali heard him from the kitchen and hurried upstairs to check on Team Awesome. 

Sam continued with a shaky voice and a few tears falling down his cheeks. “I’m telling you that you can’t push so hard. You think it’s normal to have a seizure and be unconscious and not remember who your family is? Do you think that’s ok?” Sam’s questions were rhetorical, even if they weren’t Ashlyn had no answers for him. 

Samuel wiped his eyes and added, “Your body can’t take it anymore. That’s not an opinion. That’s a fact! If you keep putting everything else above your health it’s not going to matter how successful your brand and franchise are. We are so lucky that you are still here with us...” Sam was trying his best not to get choked up, but the more he spoke the more the reality of losing Ashlyn became.

Ali stood outside the open door and wiped her cheeks of the tears that were freely flowing down her face as she listened to her son beg for Ashlyn to change her ways.

“Mama...” Sam said with a voice so small it reminded Ashlyn of when he was a little boy and would come to her often whenever his sensitive heart had been hurt. “I can’t lose you. Me and Mom can’t make it without you.”

Ashlyn noticed her wife outside their room and slightly nodded. No one else would have noticed, but Ali did. It was a promise without words. Ashlyn would make a change and do whatever she could to stick around for as long as possible.

“Bam, I’m not going anywhere. Thank you for reminding me what is at stake.” Ash replied to her son’s heart-felt request. “I’ll do better.”

Sam looked down and shook his head no, because he didn’t believe her. His actions broke his mother’s heart.

“Samuel Christopher...” Ash said in a serious tone. She lifted his head up with her hand and said, “I just made you a promise.”

“I’ve heard it before. Sorry, Ma. Usually your promises always come true but this isn’t one of them.” Sam answered. 

Ashlyn couldn’t feel any worse than she did in that moment. With her wife looking on and her son looking depressed and basically telling her that she has made it a habit of lying to her family.

Ashlyn didn’t have an answer. She meant what she said, but her son didn’t seem willing to believe her. Ali decided that it was time for her to join in on the conversation.

“Sweetheart, your Mama is a very hard worker.” Ali said. She sat down next to Ashlyn and put a supportive hand on her thigh. “That’s one of the things I love most about her. Now she’s gonna work hard on her health. She’s gonna need us to help her with that.”

Sam nodded in agreement with Ali. Once Ali knew she had her son’s full attention and cooperation she added, “And she’s gonna need our encouragement and faith in her.”

Sam put his head back down in shame. He had been too hard on his mother. “Sorry, Mama...”

Ash propped herself up a little higher to be able to pull Samuel into a hug. He let his head rest on her shoulder and even though he was a full grown, well-built man, he realized he had missed the safety of his mother’s arms. 

Ash and Ali heard their son’s muffled voice confess, “I’m just scared something bad will happen to you.”

Ali laid her head on Ash’s other shoulder, wanting to see her son’s eyes. She kissed the tip of his nose and said, “Sweetheart, we’re gonna do everything in our power to keep your Mama around for a long, long time.”

“Dude, you might not believe me...but I promise you I’m gonna do better.” Ash added. It broke her heart to have to try and convince her son of her commitment, but she would rather put his heart and mind at ease than her own.

“I believe you, Mama.” Samuel replied. He let Ali wipe his face dry and then sat up. “Well...” Sam said, “I guess that’s all I wanted to say.” He stood up and started walking away.

“Are you kidding me?” Ash asked. 

Sam turned around at the surprise outburst from his mother. “What?”

“You’re just gonna leave?” Ali asked.

“Yeah. I said all I had to say.” Sam answered. He didn’t seem to see the problem.

Ash threw her hands up in the air and Ali spoke for the both of them, “Sweetheart, we were having a heart to heart over here. You just can’t get up and leave.”

“Why not?” Samuel asked.

Ash answered adamantly, “Because it’s weird!”

“Huh...” Sam thoughtfully said, “That’s what Lexi says.”

At that moment they heard their daughter’s voice, “What do I say?” Lexi had snuck in while the three of them were talking. She had come to check up on Ashlyn. She spent a few minutes talking to the twins before coming upstairs.

“You always say I’m weird.” Sam answered her.

Lex acted like it was the most natural thing in the world, “Yeah, that’s because you’re super weird.”

“Alexandra!” Ali scolded immediately. Her daughter was being unkind, and she did not appreciate it.

Lexi laughed at her mother and explained, “Mom, it’s ok to be weird. Sam knows that.”

Sam wasn’t offended at all when he added, “Yeah, that’s one thing I’m ok with.”

“Well, I think you’re perfect Samuel.” Ali encouraged. She gave her boy a hug as if he needed encouragement.

Lexi rolled her eyes and patted her brother on the back. “Mom, you can be weird and perfect at the same time. There’s no reason to get all offended about it.”

Ashlyn couldn’t help but chuckle at the scene in front of her. How could she not do her best to stay with them for as long as possible?

After Lexi let it known that the twins were home, Ali and Sam left to greet them. Lexi slid into the spot in bed where her brother had been for most of the day and sighed. “How are you feeling, Mama?” She asked.

Ash smiled and told her she was feeling fine. 

Lexi took a deep breath and bravely started what she had come over to say. “Mama, I think it’s time for you to take it easier at work. It’s not healthy for you. You need to prioritize your health.”

Lex was ready to hear an objection or some kind of excuse. She was surprised to hear her mother’s response. “Did Sam tell you to say that?” 

“No, why?”

Ash laughed. Her poor daughter had no idea why. Lexi had been seriously worried about the woman and Ash acted like it was a laughing matter.

Ashlyn saw the hurt and confused look on her daughter’s face and knew she had to explain. “Princess, your brother just got done having this conversation with me.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“How’d it end?” Lex asked.

Ashlyn pulled her daughter into a hug and answered, “It ended with me promising to do better and your brother telling me that he didn’t believe me. Apparently, I have said that in the past. But your Mom and I are going to make sure things change.” Ashlyn kissed her daughter’s head and asked, “Does that have your diva stamp of approval?”

“Yes, I suppose.” Lex replied. 

Ashlyn was about to tease her daughter and ask for further explanation of what ‘I suppose’ meant, but she was interrupted by her eldest child calling on her cell. She held up a finger to her daughter to tell her to wait for her to answer. 

When Ash did answer the first words that came out of Jacob’s mouth were, “Mama, I wanted to talk to you about taking it easy. You’re not getting any younger...”

...

By the end of the day all of her children had made an effort to let Ashlyn know that they were more concerned about her health and longevity than how successful her business was. Each child came to her on their own initiative and reminded her why she had worked so hard in the first place. 

It was all for them. 

Ali and her were in a place financially where she could take a step back. That was a blessing that many people don’t have. She decided that it was time for her to be grateful that she could focus on her children and her health and still provide for her family. She was incredibly lucky and she never wanted to take it for granted.


	232. Flame (Part One)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ya'll asked for it so....
> 
>  
> 
> This is a FLASHFORWARD chapter.

“Remember, you promised me you would behave.” Ali said to her wife as they drove to their daughter and son’s shared apartment.

Ashlyn had her fingers clenched tight around the steering wheel and Ali swore she saw Ash grinding her teeth.

“Ashlyn, I’m serious. You need to relax.” Ali added.

Ash wasn’t going to argue. She was definitely in a cantankerous sort of mood.

Ali replied to Ashlyn’s non-response. “Baby, our children are growing up. I know she’s your little girl, but the reality is that she’s a grown woman now.”

“She’ll always be my little girl and no one will ever be good enough.” Ash replied.

Ali gently caressed Ashlyn’s arm and said, “You need to let her grow up. She’s a smart girl. What are you gonna do when Samuel finds someone special? Or the twins?”

“I’m gonna lock them up and make sure they stay with me forever.” Ash answered. She finally managed to give her wife a small smile. It wasn’t much, but it was something. Ali had dealt with her crankiness all day and her attempt at a joke was the first sign of her facing reality.

Lexi had found someone special.

...

_2 MONTHS EARLIER..._

_“Mom, how much pasta should I get?” Lexi asked. She was on the phone with Ali who had sent her on a quick shopping trip. Ali and Ash were hosting a family dinner. Lexi’s mother was planning to cook Ashlyn’s favorite pasta dish and didn’t realize they were out of some of the main ingredients. She sent her oldest daughter to the store to save the day._

_“Ok. See you soon. Love you.” Lexi said after Ali gave her the answer she was looking for. She hung up her phone and when she reached for the box of pasta her hand brushed against someone’s arm._

_“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t see you there.” Lexi apologized. Then she apologized again for saying she didn’t notice the person next to her. She felt like she had insulted her and now was making it worse. It was surprising to her how flustered she felt._

_The tan woman next to her laughed. “No worries.” She replied. “I’ve been working on my invisibility lately. So, you’re really complimenting me. I often try to go unnoticed. You’d be amazed at how unseen I can become.”_

_Lexi laughed at the charming woman and without thinking said, “I doubt that.” She said it because the woman was so beautiful. She didn’t think anyone could not notice her. After she let her private thoughts slip nervously out of her mouth she felt a warmth fill her cheeks. She was without a doubt smitten._

_“You’re cute.” The woman replied. She stuck her hand out and said, “I’m Charlie.”_

_“Charlie?” Lexi replied. She was too nervous to do the polite thing, which was to introduce herself. She wanted to know more about this mysterious, self-proclaimed sometimes invisible woman._

_“Charlotte, is the name my parents gave me. But I was too much of a tomboy to be called that. It’s basically an 80 year old grandma name.” The woman replied. She laughed and then caught herself. “Wait, your name isn’t Charlotte is it? If so, I mean...you look good for a grandma.”_

_Lexi cracked up at the joke and that was the moment that Charlie was smitten._

_“You have the most beautiful smile.” The woman said. Her words changed the temperature in the grocery store aisle. Suddenly there was a heat between them._

_Lexi looked down with an embarrassed smile and replied, “Thank you. I’m Lexi.”_

_It took three days for Lexi to return the woman’s phone call after giving her her number at the grocery store. Her hesitation wasn’t because she was playing games or disinterested. It was because she was so nervous. Sam had to take matters into his own hands. He was the one that called the woman back. Lexi snatched the phone from him and ended up talking to Charlie for three hours before then finally set up a time for their first date._

...

“What about our Jacob?” Ali asked. They had a few more minutes of drive time before they arrived at their children’s home.

“What about him?” Ash asked with a little bit of an attitude.

Ali pinched her wife’s side and answered, “You didn’t get all protective and crazy when he started dating someone seriously.”

“Ok, that’s totally different. We knew Rachel and they were practically married by the time they were fourteen. Besides, he can handle himself. Lexi is like a precious little flower.”

“You are ridiculous. Our daughter has taken just as many self-defense and martial arts classes as our boys. She can take care of herself.” Ali replied. “You’re a strong woman. Don’t you think our daughters have learned anything from you?” Ali asked.

She decided to change her approach. Both women had made it a priority to teach both their sons and daughters that women can be strong, beautiful, and smart. There was no need to settle for anything less than all three great qualities.

“Listen, I know you’re right. But I will always be like this. There are a lot of bad people in the world who would want to hurt someone like my little princess. So, no matter how smart, strong, or beautiful she is I’m gonna make sure to be around in case someone tries something.” Ashlyn promised.

“Ok, Baby. Whatever you say.” Ali agreed. She wasn’t going to argue. She honestly felt the same way, she just wasn’t as crazy about it. Plus she thought her wife was extra cute when she acted protective over their children.

...

“They’re here!” Lexi exclaimed. She jumped up from the couch where she was sitting next to her girlfriend and added, “Come on. Get up.”

Charlie laughed at her anxious girlfriend and paused the game she was playing with Sam before standing up. She put her hands on Lexi’s shoulders and said, “Relax.” Lexi took a deep, calming breath and then Charlie asked, “Do I look ok?”

Now it was Lexi’s turn to laugh as she answered, “Who’s the one who needs to relax now?” She took her by the hand and said, “And by the way, you look beautiful.”

Sam made gagging noises behind them as the two women went to meet Ash and Ali at the door. Charlie swallowed hard as Lexi opened the door. Both older women engulfed Lex up in a hug. Lexi’s girlfriend stood awkwardly until Ali embraced her with a warm smile and open arms.

“Mom, Mama, this is Charlie.” Lexi introduced. Charlie was now standing next to Ali. Ali left her arm around the woman’s shoulder and stared her wife down. She wanted to make sure Ashlyn was polite and kind.

“Nice to meet you.” Ashlyn greeted. She stuck her hand out and gave the girl a firm shake.

Charlie was nervous, but she had a lot of respect for both of her girlfriend’s parents. She smiled and said, “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you both. Lexi has told me a lot about you.” Lexi made sure to fill her in on as much as she could. Both Lex and Charlie wanted to make the best impression possible.

Ashlyn gave her daughter a wink before saying, “We’ve heard a little about you. I am hoping that all the good things are true. If you ever hurt my daughter, you’ll have to deal with me.” Ash warned.

“I understand.” Charlie replied. She was sincere when she said, “I never want to hurt your daughter, Mrs. Krieger-Harris.”

The use of the formal name made both parents laugh. “Please call me, Ashlyn.” Ash said. Ali shared a look with Lexi.

So far so good.

...

“Tell us about yourself.” Ali said after Charlie had cleared the table and helped Lexi refill all the drinks.

Sam had been asked by Lexi to be at the dinner to act as a buffer, but all he had managed to do was steal attention from Lexi and her girlfriend. Lexi was irritated and Ali had noticed. She took it upon herself to keep the peace and steer the conversation in the direction Lexi was hoping for.

“Umm...” Charlie thought. “Gosh, it’s hard to know what I should tell you.” This was the most nerve-wracking moment for the woman. She felt her heart rate quicken. All she wanted was to impress Ali and Ash. “Well, I grew up in Southern California....”

Lexi began to smile. She knew that her parents were about to fall in love with her girlfriend.

“...I was raised by my dad and he was my closest friend when I was growing up. He was an amateur surfer, so I spent a lot of time on the beach....” Charlie continued.

Ali watched her wife as the girl spoke. She felt like she could see her wife’s thoughts developing in her mind. Ashlyn wasn’t only being polite; she was starting to like this girl.

“...I became a lifeguard to work my way through school. I got my degree in art. And now I own my own studio.”

“What brought you to the east coast?” Ali asked.

Charlie’s demeanor changed. She wasn’t nervous anymore, but as soon as Ali asked her why she had moved she felt sad. Both Lexi’s parents watched as Lex put her hand on Charlie’s thigh. It wasn’t in an inappropriate sexual way, it was in a way that transferred strength and support.

Charlie cleared her throat and answered, “My dad got sick. There was a specialist out here who thought he could help him.” Charlie looked down at her lap and saw Lexi’s hand, she looked up and said, “He did help him. He gave him at least another year or so, but unfortunately the cancer ended up taking his life.”

Ali was doing her best not to melt into a puddle of tears. The young woman in front of her seemed so strong, yet vulnerable. She looked over at her wife, who had left her seat and wrapped the girl in a hug. The similarity between the two was striking. Ali smiled as she realized that Lexi had found herself someone just like her Mama.

...

“I’m so annoyed at Sam right now.” Lexi shared. She was helping Ali in their garden. She had always loved to help her Mom with the garden in her parent’s back yard.

Ali laughed and asked, “What did he do now?”

“He’s hogging my girlfriend.” Lexi complained.

Ali raised her eyebrows and asked, “What do you mean?”

Lexi sighed loudly in frustration and answered, “We were supposed to hang out today and Sam invited her to go off roading with some of his friends from the fire department.”

“Did he invite you?”

“Yeah, but I don’t want to do that. Do you know how dirty and bumpy it is out there?”

Ali loved her little diva.

“Sweetheart, don’t you think it’s nice that your two best friends get along?” Ali asked.

“Mom, I don’t think it’s nice that THEY are basically best friends now and I have to hang out with my mom on a day that I would normally hang out with my girlfriend.” Lex whined.

“Wow.” Ali answered. “That’s a little harsh.” Ali laughed and then added, “I’ll have you know that as far as ‘moms’ go, I’m pretty cool.”

“Kids don’t say ‘cool’ anymore, Mom. Anyway, sorry. That didn’t sound the way I meant it.” Lex apologized.

Ali sympathized with her little girl. Lexi was just missing her girlfriend. “What would the two of you be doing today if she wasn’t with Samuel?”

“I don’t know. Probably just hang out.”

“So you didn’t have plans or anything?” Ali asked. Her daughter had given her the impression that Charlie had cancelled a big date or something.

“No, why?”

“So, you’re upset because she said yes to doing something with your brother instead of saying no and doing nothing with you?” Ali asked with a smile.

Lexi thought about the wording of her mother’s question and didn’t like the feeling of guilt she was having because of it. Ali saw her daughter’s face scrunch up in thought.

“Listen my sweet girl, I bet she’s missing you just as much as you’re missing her.” Ali said encouragingly.

Lexi nodded slightly and asked, “Do you think Sammy is missing me too?”

“You really are too sweet. You’re missing your little brother.” Ali stated. She gave her daughter a hug and told her that she was certain they were both thinking of her and missing her too.

...

“So what’s up with Charlie’s mom. She never talks about her.” Ali whispered to her son. She needed to know all the important gossip about her daughter’s girlfriend. Ashlyn and her were sitting with Sam around a bonfire at Ali’s dad’s house. They were watching Lexi introduce their extended family to her girlfriend.

“Lex said that she left her and her dad when she was little. After her dad died she tried to reconnect, but her mother didn’t want anything to do with her.” Sam explained.

Ali put her hand over her heart and said, “What kind of a mother would treat their child that way?”

Ashlyn didn’t say anything. She watched her daughter’s girlfriend carefully. She remembered back to a time when Ali was introducing her to the extended Krieger family. She remembered how some of the more conservative members had treated her poorly and how both Ali and her father had stepped up and supported her. The memory inspired Ashlyn to leave her seat and join her daughter. She stood protectively beside both Lexi and her daughter’s girlfriend until everyone had met and welcomed Charlie with open arms.

Once Ash knew the couple was accepted she rejoined her wife by the fire.

“I saw that.” Ali whispered quietly so only Ash could hear.

“What?” Ash asked sheepishly. She didn’t want her secret to get out. She didn’t want anyone to know that she had taken a liking to her daughter’s girlfriend. She was supposed to be the ‘mean, over protective parent.’

“I saw you being wonderful.” Ali answered and leaned into her wife. “After all these years...I think you’re getting a little soft in your old age.” Ali teased.

Ash squeezed her wife and said, “She’s a nice girl.”

“I know she is.” Ali replied.

Samuel had long ago stopped paying attention to his parents. He was currently playing with Jamie and his dog, Cooper. The three of them ran around the yard with the younger kids.

Ash watched her youngest boy smile and wrestle with Sam while she answered, “I want her to know she’s safe with us.”

Ali already knew that. It wasn’t a coincidence that Ashlyn had gotten protective of the girl when they started talking about her lack of a good mother figure in her life.

“Baby, I don’t know how it’s possible, but I think I fall more and more in love with you every day.” Ali said. She shared a kiss with her wife and while the rest of the family loudly interacted, they quietly watched the flames of the fire move and flicker.

Their love was like the fire. It moved and grew. It changed with time, but through it all it became stronger and more beautiful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed. There's at least one more part with Charlie.


	233. Flame (Part Two)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a prompt within a prompt. Haha
> 
> This is a FLASHFORWARD chapter.
> 
> This chapter includes a character from Lexi's past. (From the chapter Double Date)

“How about this one?” Charlie asked. She held up what felt like the millionth paint swatch.

Lexi shook her head no and looked through the handful of colors she had in her hands. 

Charlie pulled another one from the pile. “This one?”

“Uhh, I hate that one.” Lex replied. Her face looked like she had just tasted something disgusting.

“Alexandra, you said you wanted blue. We have literally looked at hundreds of shades of blue.” Charlie complained in frustration. Her girlfriend was driving her crazy.

Lexi, who was a few inches shorter than her girlfriend, rested her head on Charlie’s shoulder and gave the saddest looking pair of puppy dog eyes she’d ever seen. “Babe, don’t be mad. I’m trying to make everything perfect.”

“Paint color doesn’t matter, Lex.” 

“It matters to me.”

Charlie sighed loudly and held another paint sample up. “What about this one?”

Lexi kept her eyes on her girlfriend and said, “I love you.” She waited for a quick kiss and then referring to the new color said, “That’s the worst one yet.”

The two women had decided to move in together. Charlie had asked Lexi after they had dated for six months, and after a lot of discussion they decided that they were ready to take the big step together. Although Lexi was dating a professional artist, she felt like she had a superior decorating sense. The truth was that Charlie didn’t care about the details. She cared mostly about making Lexi happy, so she went along with her girlfriend’s crazy ways.

As the two women continued to NOT find the perfect color, Lexi heard a familiar voice.

“You still can’t make up your mind.”

Lexi froze. Charlie felt her girlfriend stiffen next to her. Whoever this person was behind them was not someone her girlfriend was comfortable with.

“Still as hot as ever, though.” The voice added.

Charlie put her hand on the front of Lexi’s waist and looked back behind her. She maintained a stern sort of eye contact with the woman while Lexi slowly turned around.

“Alison...” Lexi said softly. 

Charlie remembered that name. Lexi had told her something about an Alison...but she couldn’t remember the details.

“You two dating?” Alison asked.

Charlie was still feeling out the situation. She knew that Lexi wasn’t shy about the two of them being together, but for some reason she didn’t seem comfortable talking with Alison about it. Charlie was never one to speak on behalf of Lexi. She respected her too much to make assumptions about her needing rescued from anyone. She waited to see how things unfolded. 

“Alison, it’s none of your business.” Lexi answered with a bit of bite in her tone. 

Charlie realized that whoever Alison was, she wasn’t supposed to like her. 

Alison laughed, “You’re still a child.” Alison gave Charlie her attention and said, “Good luck with her. She’s probably not even gay. You should have seen her with me.” The woman laughed and added, “She’ll introduce you to her psycho mother and then dump you when you try to touch her.”

Charlie rubbed her chin as if she was deep in thought and found Lexi’s anxious eyes looking up at her. She smirked a little and asked, “You have a psycho mother?”

Alison smiled at Lexi’s girlfriend’s response, as if she caused some kind of drama between the couple.

Lexi knew Charlie well enough to know that she didn’t need to worry about where this conversation was going. She felt complete trust and fought the urge to smile.

“Wait a minute...” Charlie said. She pretended to get really serious and said, “Is the ‘psycho mother’ the one that you say I’m exactly like?” 

Both women broke out in smiles. Charlie turned back toward Alison and said, “I think we’ll be ok.”

“You’re both freaks.” Alison muttered as she started to walk away.

Lexi took a breath, happy that the awkward exchange was over. Charlie had a different idea.

“Alison...” Charlie called out into the woman’s direction as she was walking away. Alison stopped and turned back around. “I remember hearing about you.” Charlie added.

Lexi shook her head. She knew once Charlie really did remember who Alison was that she wouldn’t be so easy going about the encounter.

“I remember Lex telling me about how you took advantage of her. I remember stories that could easily be considered abuse or maybe even worse. You treated her like she was worthless.” Charlie stated. 

Lexi slipped her hand into her girlfriend’s and trusted that she was safe and respected. She was confident that Charlie wouldn’t do or say anything that she wouldn’t feel comfortable with.

“It takes a sick person to hurt someone else. Especially someone like Lex. I’m not a violent person but you should know that I have very little patience for bullies. I think it would be best for everyone if you stay away from us. And maybe reconsider how you treat people. But assuming your treatment of women stems from your own personal issues of insecurity, I would guess that you probably are too afraid to really assess your own shortcomings. Therefore, you’re destined to have a miserable life.” Charlie said. She squeezed Lexi’s hand and turned around so that her back was facing a stunned Alison. She gave Lex her full attention and with a kind smile on her face she said, “So, Babe, where were we?”

Lexi watched her girlfriend pick up another shade of blue and completely ignore Alison behind them. Lexi closed her eyes and leaned into her girlfriend’s side as Charlie put her arm around her and pulled her in close. She felt Charlie’s breath next to her ear and heard her whisper gently, “I love you. You ok?”

Lexi reached up and threaded her fingers through her girlfriend's hair and used her hand to bring Charlie’s head down towards her. The women shared a passionate kiss right in front of Lexi’s ex as they stood in the paint department of the local home improvement store. 

Alison couldn’t deny that Lexi had come a long way in her confidence level regarding her sexuality.

...

“So....um, hey.” Sam said, slightly shocked to see his sister’s girlfriend in his apartment. Charlie was caught red handed looking through his refrigerator.

Charlie quickly closed the fridge and gave Sam a mischievous smile. “Hey, man. What’s up?” She asked, trying to keep from looking too guilty.

“Hello, Charles.” Sam answered using one of the many nicknames he had given to the woman that possessed his sister’s heart. “Why are you in my kitchen?”

The woman didn’t have a good answer for Samuel. She tried to think of a believable lie but she didn’t want to be untruthful. 

Sam answered his own question for her, “My sister sent you.”

“She just wanted me to make sure you’re eating and that you’re ok.” Charlie confessed.

“You both realize that I’m a grown man, right?” 

“Yes, we are well aware of that...but you have a tendency to push yourself to hard at work and forget to take care of yourself.” Charlie answered. “We worry about you because we love you.”

“Tell my sister she worries too much. I’m fine.” Sam replied. “You can hang out if you want, but I gotta go.” Sam added. He went to work and left Charlie standing alone in his apartment.

Charlie left a few minutes behind him, but returned about an hour later with several bags filled with groceries. Samuel’s refrigerator and cupboards were practically empty when she had checked them. She didn’t feel good about leaving them that way. 

...

“Don’t hate me.” Lexi said. She was standing in a newly painted blue room. Charlie had been working on it all day. “But I think maybe green would be better for this room.”

Charlie slowly put down the paint brush she was using to finish the trim work, walked past her girlfriend, and left the room. Lexi hurried behind her and grabbed her arm.

“Don’t be mad.” Lex begged. She knew she was a lot to handle at times. 

Charlie calmly replied, “I’m not mad.”

“I know I can be a little OCD.” 

“Yes, you can be.” Charlie agreed. “But it’s fine.”

Charlie was covered in paint marks and sweat. Lexi hugged her from behind. “You’re really gross right now.” Lex said, referring to the fact that her girlfriend needed a shower.

Charlie turned around and took off her shirt. Lexi bit her lower lip, anticipating her girlfriend’s next move. However, she did not anticipate Charlie rubbing her gross, sweaty shirt in her face and chasing her around the apartment with it. It was her way of getting revenge for the wasted time she spent painting their spare room. 

It all ended up with the two women cleaning themselves up by sharing a shower together. So neither woman complained.

...

“Move your big butt.” Lexi said in jest. She patted her sleeping girlfriend’s backside and rolled her over to the other side of the bed. She had heard her phone ring and needed to get up to answer it. Charlie had fallen asleep partially on top of her.

Once Charlie’s weight was no longer keeping her down, Lexi grabbed her phone and sat on the edge of the bed. She looked at the strange number that she had missed a call from and tried to figure out who it could be. It wasn’t a number that she recognized. Her thoughts were interrupted by her girlfriend’s voice.

“What are you doing?”

“Go back to sleep.” Lex whispered. “Someone called me, but didn’t leave a message.”

Lex felt Charlie’s hand on her lower back and decided to go back to sleep too. She laid down next to her girlfriend and set her phone down on the night stand. Charlie cuddled into Lexi’s side and quickly fell back to sleep.

Lexi’s phone rang again a few minutes later. She saw that the clock read 3:46 am and recognized the strange number from before. She had a sick feeling in her stomach.

“Hello.” She answered quietly. Her girlfriend stirred at the sound of her voice but didn’t wake up. Lexi put a comforting hand on her back and listened to what the woman on the phone had to say.

“Is this Alexandra Krieger-Harris?” 

“Yes.” Lexi answered nervously.

The woman continued, “We have you marked down as Samuel Krieger-Harris’ emergency contact. Do we have the correct Alexandra?”

Lexi panicked. Something had happened to her brother.

“Umm...” She tried to answer honestly, but maybe she was the wrong person. “I think so...I mean, maybe it’s my mom. Her name is Alexandra too.” 

“It looks like Samuel wrote down that the emergency contact is his sister. I assume that’s you.”

“Yes.” Lexi answered. Her voice shook and tears started to rise. Whatever the woman had to say about her brother couldn’t be good.

“Samuel has been in an accident at work. We need someone who can make medical decisions on his behalf.”

“Is he ok?” Lex asked, certain that her brother was on his death bed.

“Ma’am I’m sorry I can’t give you more information about his medical situation. I was given his emergency contact information from his employer and told to call you.”

The woman was at least able to give her the information she needed to get to her injured brother. She immediately called the other Alexandra in the family and made sure that her parents would meet her at the hospital. 

Charlie had woken up before Lexi ended the call. She saw that her girlfriend was upset and a shot of adrenaline coursed through her. She felt that her first priority was keeping Lexi from having an anxiety attack. She had seen her have one in the past and thankfully Sam and Ashlyn were there to help her get through it. Charlie carefully observed how they had helped her and she used what she learned to get her through this one.

“Lex, breathe. Take slow breaths.” Charlie encouraged in the calmest tone she could muster. They weren’t able to stay where they were until Lex’s anxiety subsided. There was no way Lexi would be anywhere else than in a car, on her way to her brother’s side.

Lexi held tight to Charlie’s free hand and closed her eyes as her girlfriend drove to the hospital.

...

At the hospital Lexi ran straight to Ashlyn. Ash held her tightly and Ali gave Charlie a hug before joining her wife and daughter in an embrace. Charlie felt a huge sense of relief once they had joined the rest of the family. She felt under qualified to properly take care of her anxious girlfriend.

Jacob and Rachel arrived about 15 minutes later with their sleepy children in tow. Ali helped Jacob get the kids comfortable while Rachel left to get more information on her brother-in-law. She didn’t waste any time asking questions or looking for his doctor. She was able to pull up his medical records on her own. 

Rachel was able to inform the family that Samuel had fell through a burning roof and suffered a leg injury. He was in surgery and she was confident that his life wasn’t in danger.

“Thank God.” Ali breathed out as she held Lexi’s hand.

The family moment was interrupted by a man who had overheard Rachel’s announcement. 

“You guys must be Sam’s family.” He stated. “I work with him.”

After quick introductions he shared that Sam had not only shattered his leg from the impact of the fall, but he also managed to rescue a dog that had been trapped in the building. The firefighter said that Sam had heard the dog’s crying and found a way into the building. He laughed when he said it. He said, “Leave it to Sam to purposely fall through a roof and break his leg to save a stupid dog.”

The family didn’t think his joke was funny. They knew Sam wouldn’t purposely hurt himself, but they also knew that he had a soft spot for animals. It would have been important to him to do all he could to help the dog in peril.

...

Once the family knew that Samuel was ok they were able to relax. Rachel took the kids home and left Jake with his parents, siblings, and Charlie. Lex’s girlfriend felt a little out of place. She did all the supportive girlfriend duties like give hugs, get coffee, and bring snacks for the family. Lexi took one of the seats next to Sam’s bed and Ashlyn sat in the chair on the other side of the bed. Charlie didn’t feel right about taking up a spot so close to the patient that could go to one of his relatives. She awkwardly stood behind the family wishing she knew all the right things to do.

After Sam started waking up and confirmed that he was going to be ok, Ali pulled Charlie out into the hall. 

“You did good today.” Ali said and squeezed Charlie’s arm.

The woman shrugged and replied, “I don’t feel like it. I feel like if you guys weren’t here Lex would’ve been in big trouble. I tried to stay calm, but I was freaking out on the inside.”

“You did great. Lex was in great shape compared to the last time Sam got injured.” Ali answered. She smiled and said, “He puts his sister through a lot.”

“I’ve noticed.” 

“You’re good for her, ya know?” Ali said. She gave her daughter’s girlfriend a pat on the shoulder and said, “Thank you for loving my daughter the way she deserves.”

...

“I’m not accepting any other answer, Sammy!” Lex firmly stated. She had picked up her brother from the hospital and drove him to her and Charlie’s new apartment.

Sam was in a bad mood. He was in pain. He couldn’t walk. And now his sister was telling him what to do.

“Lex, I know you don’t care, but I am a grown man. You can’t make decisions for me.” Sam argued.

Lexi laughed loudly and answered, “You’re my little brother. I will always be your boss.” 

She didn’t really mean it, but she knew that what she was currently forcing him to do was for his own good. When the siblings pulled into the parking lot of the apartment complex, they were greeted by Charlie. She had been waiting for them ever since Lex sent her a text message telling her they were on their way. 

Sam was grumpy with his sister, but he couldn’t be mean to his sister’s girlfriend. Sam’s friendship with Charlie was part of Lexi’s master plan. When Charlie opened the door to help Samuel out of the car, Lexi knew that she had won the discussion.

“Hey, Sam.” Charlie greeted. She helped the man up and carefully supported him until Lexi could bring his crutches to him. Sam’s right leg was completely immobile and the simplest thing was difficult and awkward.

Once Lexi had given her brother his crutches she greeted her girlfriend with a kiss and a quiet thank you. Charlie walked behind Sam as he carefully walked up two flights of stairs to his sister’s apartment. She kept a supportive hand on his back with each step Samuel slowly took.

Lexi led the way through the apartment. She stopped at the spare bedroom and revealed that the room had several of Sam’s things in it. She explained that her girlfriend had picked up a few things for him from his apartment and that she would be glad to get anything else he wanted. Samuel was too tired and drugged up on pain medication to argue. He let the women help him into bed so he could get some rest.

That evening Ali and Ashlyn brought over dinner and visited with them. Sam was on his best behavior around his parents, but he was still upset that he couldn’t take care of himself. It wasn’t Lexi’s fault that he was unhappy. He just hated the fact that he had to slow down and be patient. Samuel was never good at slowing down and waiting.

After Ash and Ali had left for the night, Lex and Charlie had gone to bed. Sam finally had a moment of peace away from the excessive care and concern of his parents and sister. As the firefighter tried to stand, without putting weight on his right leg, he knocked over a lamp. The crashing sound brought a visitor to his room. 

After a soft knock Charlie poked her head in his room. “You ok?” She asked. 

Sam’s frustration was clear when he said, “Not really.”

She slowly approached Sam and picked up the lamp from the floor. “I never really liked this lamp, anyway.” She set the light down on the night stand and asked, “Do you need help with anything?” Before Sam could answer she handed him his crutches. 

“Thanks.” Sam said as he took the crutches from her. “Sorry about all this.”

“Why are you sorry?”

“My sister worries too much. You shouldn’t have to put up with me staying here and knocking over your lamps.” Sam explained. 

“Actually...” Charlie started. She opened up the closet door and revealed a multitude of colors painted on the back wall. “You’re doing me a big favor. You see, your sister has made me paint this room over and over again because she couldn't decide on a color.” 

Charlie used her hand to gesture toward the rainbow of colors and said, “We found a color called ‘super hero blue’ and she said that she knew that was the one. That was the one that was perfect for you. Now she couldn’t be happier with the way the room looks and the fact that you’re here.”

Samuel eyed the final paint choice and sighed. His sister had picked it out just for him.

“You’re not a bother.” Charlie added. “You mean a lot to both of us and we would really love it if you’d let us help you until you’re feeling better.”

Sam let his weight rest against a nearby wall and thought about what his sister’s girlfriend was telling him. His head felt fuzzy from the medication he was on and the information he was trying to digest.

“Thank you.” Sam finally answered. He shook his head and said, “Lex is just like our Mom. Ma has painted every room in their house so many times because Mom was never satisfied.” He laughed and asked, “You sure you wanna deal with that?”

Charlie smiled and answered honestly, “I’ve always been up for a challenge.” 

“Good luck, Chuck.” Sam said with a smile. He was one of the most familiar with his sister’s eccentric behavior. 

“I think it’s worth it, though.” Charlie replied. “She makes me really happy. All I want is to make her happy too.”

Sam was satisfied with the woman’s answer. He thought maybe his sister had finally found the one...


	234. One Kiss Closer (Part One)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a FLASHFORWARD chapter.
> 
> This chapter contains a prompt.

“Where’s your woman?” Sam asked his sister. Lexi was making the two of them lunch at her apartment.

Lexi brought her brother a plate of food and answered, “I made her take a nap. She’s been a little ‘Miss Cranky Pants’ today.” 

Lexi was mostly joking, but her girlfriend had been very stressed out about an art exhibition she was hosting in the showroom of her studio. Charlie was also in denial about the fact that she was coming down with a cold. Every time Lexi tried to get her to take something for it she would say she felt fine and change the subject.

“What does cranky look like for her? I can’t imagine her being anything other than chill.” Sam asked. 

Lexi’s girlfriend was a ‘go with the flow’ kind of person. That’s why her and Lexi made such a good team. Charlie wasn’t bothered by Lexi’s high maintenance moments. On the other hand, Lex was good for Charlie when she was overly chill and needed motivation or structure.

“Cranky for her is when she literally works for days without sleeping. She gets extra sensitive when she’s tired and worn out.” 

“I think that’s true about most people.” Sam replied.

“Yeah. And you know her, there isn’t a mean bone in her body. Her being grumpy or upset translates to her being quieter than normal. I love her for that.”

“I’m sure you do.” Sam added. “If not, she wouldn’t put up with you.”

Lexi threw half of an orange at her brother but before she had a chance to yell at him they were both interrupted by her girlfriend. Lexi stood up and went over to her. She put the back of her hand on Charlie’s pale face and said, “You’re burning up. You need to go back to bed.”

Charlie answered, “I’m fine. I have to finish up a few things for work.”

“You are not fine. You need to take it easy.” Lexi replied. 

Sam added, “You might as well listen to her. She won’t let up until you give her her way. I know from personal experience.” He cracked a smile, but no one seemed to catch the humor.

Charlie was unmoved in her resolve. “I was just sleeping, I can’t take it any easier than that.” Her voice was raspy and phlegmy. She had to clear her throat after every few words she spoke.

Sam made a noise similar to the sick woman’s throat clearing sound in mocking. Lexi rolled her eyes and gave him a harsh look. Like many times before, Samuel had annoyed his sister with his inappropriate behavior. Lexi took her girlfriend by the arm and pulled her away from her obnoxious brother.

“Baby, seriously you need to let your body rest.” Lexi said. She tried to give her girlfriend her powerful puppy dog eyes. Usually Charlie couldn’t say no to them, but this time she wouldn’t budge.

Lexi saw that she wasn’t getting anywhere. She sighed in frustration and said, “Fine. Can you at least take some medicine?”

Lexi had stocked up on cold medication when her girlfriend's symptoms first arrived, but Charlie didn’t want anything to do with it. “I hate taking medicine.” Charlie answered. “You know my opinion about that.” Charlie rarely took anything that wasn’t natural. Lexi often teased her for her holistic living by referring to her as her hippie girlfriend.

“Well, you can at least take Vitamin C. You can’t deny that you’re sick.” Lex replied. She went to hug Charlie but her girlfriend pulled away. “Are you mad at me?” Lex asked. 

“No.” Charlie answered. Her face softened as she answered, “It’s just really hot.”

Lexi smiled slightly and said, “Can you please admit that you’re sick, so I can help you feel better?” Charlie didn’t answer. Lexi added, “I promise I won’t hug you and overheat you.”

“You can still hug me.” Charlie answered in a soft voice. “Just wait until I cool off a little. It won’t take long. I’ve been going back and forth all day.”

Lex smiled and replied, “Are you admitting that you have a fever?”

“Maybe.”

“Will you take some medicine?”

“Maybe.”

Lexi knew that Charlie’s ‘maybe’ meant yes. She knew that her girlfriend would finally let her take care of her.

...

“She even has some of Jacob’s photography.” Lexi explained. She was proud of the art event that her girlfriend had put together. The studio was filled with local artist’s work, including her own. Lexi had shown her girlfriend some of Jake’s paintings, drawings, and photos and she was impressed. Charlie picked out a few photos and asked Jake if he would be open to selling them. After spending a good amount of time marveling at her older brother's talent, Lexi gave her family the grand tour of all of the other art on display. She was truly proud of her girlfriend and her hard work.

“Where’s Charlie?” Ali asked. “We brought her flowers.” 

Lexi scanned the large room they were in and couldn’t find her girlfriend. “The last I saw her she was talking to some fancy-schmancy art buyer.” Lexi said. “But that was a while ago.” 

Lexi led the way to her girlfriend’s office in the back of the building. When they arrived at the door Lexi warned Ali, “Remember she’s an artist. Try not to let her...” Lexi paused trying to think of the best way to describe the mess that her neat and tidy mother was about to encounter. “...just don’t stress out. She has a system. It works for her.”

Ash laughed at both her daughter and her wife. She was all too familiar with Ali’s need for everything to be perfect. Over the years she had calmed down as the kids gained more and more control over the house.

“Sweetheart, we love Charlie. We’re not going to think less of her because she’s messy.” Ali replied. She assured her that the entire family wouldn’t judge Charlie. Lexi, however, really wasn’t concerned about the rest of the group. It was Ali that she worried about.

“Mom, seriously. The first few times I came to visit her I had to limit my time to keep from having an anxiety attack.” Lexi answered. 

“Dude, it’s not that bad. You’re just a crazy person.” Sam said. He had been there plenty of times with Lexi. 

“I’m not the crazy one. Charlie is the one who’s crazy.” Lexi defended herself. “Anyways...” Lexi waved her hand to dismiss her brother’s opinion and lightly knocked on the office door. She didn’t hear an answer so she let herself in. 

Upon opening the door, the family saw what Lexi was talking about. The majority of Charlie’s office was covered in canvases propped up against furniture, art supplies, and incomplete projects. Her desk was littered with papers and more art supplies. The systematic chaos of the artist’s office faded into the background when Lexi saw her girlfriend asleep with her head down on her desk. 

Lexi squatted down to get eye level with her sleeping beauty of a girlfriend. She softly rubbed her back to wake her up as gently as possible. Ash felt like the family was intruding on a private moment between the couple. She quietly motioned for everyone to leave the room and they followed behind her.

As Lexi rubbed her girlfriend’s back, she tenderly whispered, “Baby, wake up.” Usually Charlie woke up in a more gradual way, but when she opened her eyes and saw Lexi in her office, she panicked. 

Charlie sat up quickly and anxiously asked, “What time is it? Did I miss the show?”

“Babe, you’re fine.” Lexi answered. “The show is going great. It’s a big success.”

“I just laid my head down for a second.” Charlie explained. She rubbed her tired eyes and leaned back in her chair. “I think you may be right.” She said. “I think I’m sick.”

“I’m sorry you’re sick, but can I just say how much I love that you just said that I was right.” Lexi replied with a small smile. 

Charlie found an envelope on her desk and handed it to Lexi. She laid her head back down and said, “Here.” 

“What’s this?”

Charlie turned her head toward her girlfriend and answered, “It’s for your brother. I sold one of his photos.”

“Really?” Lexi asked. She peeked into the unsealed envelope and her eyes went wide when she saw the dollar amount of the check. “Woah! Did you get a commission on this?”

“Babe, I’m not gonna take money from your family.” Charlie answered.

Lexi wasn’t concerned about her brother, she was more interested in her girlfriend having extra money to spoil her with.

“Besides, I sold a few painting of my own.” Charlie smiled tiredly. She opened her top desk drawer and gave Lexi the check that had been written for her work. 

Lexi’s jaw dropped. “Are you serious?” Lexi held the check up and studied it carefully to make sure she had read it correctly. “I don’t think I have ever seen so many zeroes on a check before. Who knew that I was in love with such an amazingly talented woman?” 

Charlie laughed at her girlfriend and said, “You’re such a gold digger.”

“No, I’m not...but I will be expecting a nice date to celebrate after you’re feeling better.” Lexi replied.

“You got it.” Charlie promised. 

They shared a kiss and Lexi added playfully, “I also like jewelry.”

“Oh, I am well aware of that, Lex.” Charlie answered with a small laugh. “Why do you think I threw this shin-dig in the first place? I had to inflate my bank account to buy my beautiful girlfriend something sparkly.” 

Lexi tried to keep herself from smiling too big, but she never had much of a poker face. The couple had been talking about their future together. They had both agreed that their lives had only gotten better since the day they met. Charlie didn’t come out and say it, but Lexi interpreted her words to mean that she was planning to propose soon.

Lexi’s moment was ruined when her girlfriend started coughing. Any chance for romance was demolished when Charlie spit into a trash can and coughed up what was formerly in her lungs.

“That’s disgusting.” Lexi said and handed her girlfriend a tissue from a box on her desk. “You’re lucky you’re so cute.”

Charlie cleared her throat as she stood up. She put an arm around Lexi’s shoulders and pulled her into her side. “Are you saying you wouldn’t love me if I wasn’t so adorable?” Charlie joked.

Lexi pulled out a bottle of hand sanitizer from her purse and popped the top. She waited for her girlfriend to do what she had done so many times before, which was to put her hands palm up in front of her and let Lex squeeze a few drops of sanitizer into them. As Charlie rubbed her hands together, Lexi stepped up on the tips of her toes and puckered her lips. Charlie tilted her head down just enough to lightly kiss Lexi. 

Lexi answered Charlie’s attempt at humor with a serious response, “I will love you forever.”

...

The Krieger-Harris family stayed until the end of the event to help Charlie clean up. Lexi ended up sending her girlfriend home early with Sam so that her sick girlfriend could get some sleep. She spent the rest of the night telling her family what to do and where to put things. 

“You’re lucky Sam isn’t here anymore.” Jake commented to his sister as he carried a table. “He would totally call you out on being so bossy.”

“Shut up and get back to work.” Lexi said with a big smile. She loved telling people what to do, but bossing her older brother around was the best.

Jacob shook his head and replied, “Power trip much?”

Lexi ignored him and walked away smiling. 

...

After Charlie had slept for almost two days straight, she was feeling much better. Lexi and her family invited her over to Ashlyn and Ali’s house for a special dinner to celebrate her great success. Ashlyn and Sam grilled the meat and veggies, while Ali took care of the rest. They had originally offered to take Charlie and Lexi out for a fancy dinner, but Charlie said she would prefer something more low key.

Shortly after dinner both Sam and Charlie had fallen asleep. Charlie slept slouched down on the couch and Samuel stretched out on the floor. Ali nodded toward the unconscious pair and said to Lexi, “It looks like you’re the designated driver tonight.”

“I always am. Those two always do this to me. As soon as they slow down they pass out.” Lex answered. 

Ali smiled and asked, “Remember when Sammy used to take naps with your Mama? Those two would find any reason to cuddle up together and check out from the rest of the world.”

“I used to hate that. It made me so jealous.” Lex answered. “And the thing is I wasn’t jealous because I wanted to sleep. I was jealous because my annoying brother was getting more attention than me.”

Ali laughed softly and then asked, “What about now? I know those two are close. How do you feel about it?” Ali asked, referring to Lexi’s girlfriend and little brother.

Lex smiled at her mother and replied, “I used to hate it when we first started dating, but now it’s how I know that she’s a keeper.”

“You got the Samuel stamp of approval.” 

“Exactly.” Lex agreed. “The way that she cares about him almost as much as I do, means a lot to me. And it’s not only that, she is very similar to him in how she treats people. She always puts me before herself. Always. She’s so patient, even when I’m being crazy.”

Ali watched her daughter’s face light up when she spoke about Charlie. She felt an overwhelming sense of pride in her daughter.

“It sounds like you two are moving in a good direction.” Ali said. 

Lexi blushed and answered, “I think she’s gonna propose soon...”

“Really? What makes you say that?” Ali asked, looking like she was sincerely surprised.

“Mom...Can I ask you a question?” Lexi lowered her voice and carefully asked. 

Ali answered, “Of course, sweetheart.”

Lexi checked to make sure her girlfriend was still sleeping and asked, “Has she said anything to you about it? Maybe asked for permission?”

“Sweetheart, you’re a grown woman. She doesn’t need to ask us permission to do anything. All she needs is for you to agree.” Ali answered. 

Lexi studied her mother’s face. She wondered if that was her way of avoiding the question. Lexi asked again, “But did she ask? I know she would want to. She knows how much I care about your opinion and how people treat you and Mama.”

“Honey, she hasn’t asked me. Maybe your Mama?” 

Lexi sighed. Her heart was excited about the possibility, but her mind told her that it was a long shot. “Well, I should’ve known. She hasn’t bought the ring yet, so...”

“Wait, how do you know if she has or hasn’t bought a ring?” Ali asked. Her daughter was smart. She wondered if she was sneaky too.

Lexi had a feeling she knew what her mother was thinking. “Oh, relax. I’m not a stalker or anything. I’m the one that balances her checkbook. She gives it to me. I know whenever she buys anything major.”

“You balance her checkbook?” Ali asked, surprised.

Lexi shrugged like it was no big deal and answered, “Yeah. She hates keeping track of that stuff. She runs out of patience and gets frustrated. I also help her with her books at her studio.” Ali’s face looked somewhat shocked, causing her daughter to question the reason. “Why?”

“It just seems like the two of you are already practically married. I think it’s a big deal that she’s so open with you about her finances.”

“Mom, Charlie’s not like most people. She doesn’t think about money the way everyone else does. She would give it all away if she thought someone needed it. You should’ve seen her apartment before we moved in together. It was mostly just art stuff and surfboards.” Lexi explained, trying to minimize the significance of her girlfriend entrusting her with everything she owned.

“Whatever you say, sweetheart.” Ali answered, unconvinced.

“Mom, I’m serious. Before I came around she had a junk drawer filled with un-cashed checks. She would wait until her debit card got declined before she would deposit them.” Lexi explained.

“Why would she do that?” Ali asked.

“Because she wouldn't think about going to the bank until she was forced to. It’s not her personality to care about those things.” 

“Lex, that would drive me crazy. Your Mama and her crumpled up receipts are enough for me to deal with. I can’t imagine a drawer filled with checks and our account getting overdrawn because she doesn’t think to go to the bank.” Ali replied.

Lexi smiled and answered, “Then I guess it’s a good thing that I’m the one in love with her and not you.”

Ali returned her daughter’s smile and said, “I guess so...”

...

“Alexandra!” Charlie whisper-yelled as the couple was walking out to their car. “Why did you let me sleep?” 

Lexi laughed at her girlfriend for stressing out about something that didn’t matter.”Baby, they don’t care. Besides, Sammy fell asleep too. It’s no big deal.”

“Lex, it is a big deal. They invited us over to celebrate. I was supposed to be the guest of honor and instead of being part of the night I was passed out on your parents’ couch.” Charlie complained. She was much more comfortable with her girlfriend’s parents than when they first met, but she felt like she should have shown Lexi’s parents more respect and appreciation by at least staying awake during their thoughtful gesture.

“You’re acting like it’s the first time you’ve ever met them. We’ve been together for almost a year now. They love you. You’re practically part of the family.” Lexi said. “And also...they know that you’re just getting over being sick. If anything, they’ll blame it on that.”

The ride home was mostly quiet. Lexi tried to maintain a conversation with her girlfriend but Charlie wasn’t very talkative. She didn’t ignore her or anything purposeful, but their usual easy chemistry wasn’t there. When they arrived at their apartment Lexi was determined to get Charlie to cheer up. Charlie intended to go straight to bed, but Lex had other ideas. 

“Baby, take off your shirt.” Lex ordered after giving her girlfriend’s shoulder a squeeze. She was sitting on their bed and Lex took a seat behind her.

Charlie sighed sadly and replied, “Babe, I’m really not in the mood tonight.”

Lexi kissed her girlfriend’s cheek and said, “That’s not what I was thinking. You’re too tense.” Lexi helped her girlfriend remove the clothing on her upper body and started to massage her tight and sore muscles. 

As Lex felt Charlie relax she gained the confidence to continue their conversation from earlier. “Can I ask you a question?’ Lexi asked. 

Charlie quietly moaned as Lexi rubbed out the knots in her shoulders and back. Lex took her response as a positive reaction. She stayed the course. “Baby, why are you so stressed out tonight? You usually aren’t worried about these kind of things.”

Charlie let out a sharp breath and leaned back into Lexi until she was reclined against her. Lexi switched gears and moved from massaging sore muscles to simply holding her girlfriend. She wanted Charlie to feel safe.

“I really love your family. I want them to like me.” Charlie quietly confessed.

Lexi kissed the top of her head and replied, “They not only like you, but they love you.” 

Charlie was feeling a whirlwind of emotions. The truth was that she was planning to propose to Lexi. She was hoping to ask for Ali and Ashlyn’s permission at dinner earlier that night. She was nervous, hopeful, and completely in love. But there was another emotion that she couldn’t shake. 

Sadness.

Her only family had died years ago. She had recently been thinking about her future and her desire to start a family with Lexi. It made her realize that without Lexi...without Samuel...Ash...Ali...and the rest of the Krieger-Harris family, she was completely alone. She never realized how much she missed being a part of a family until she had started to fall in love with her girlfriend’s.

On top of all of this she felt like she had let Lexi’s parents down by sleeping through her celebration dinner. Of course she couldn’t tell Lexi most of the things that were on her mind. She wanted to surprise her girlfriend with a proposal. Now wasn’t the time to let her emotions ruin her plans. 

She adjusted her position in her girlfriend’s arms so that she could rest her head on Lexi’s chest. She shared the one feeling that she could say out loud without spoiling her plans. 

“I’m really missing my dad today.”

“Oh, my Love.” Lex breathed out softly. She tenderly held Charlie tighter and gently kissed her head. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

Lexi assumed that she should have seen her girlfriend's sadness coming. Her father had always told her that one day she would be a big, famous artist. Lexi assumed that Charlie’s recent success had brought up old memories of her father before he passed away. Lexi also surmised that spending so much time with her own family made Charlie’s sadness even greater.

“I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have made you go to my family dinner.” Lexi apologized. She felt horrible for being so insensitive.

Now it was Charlie’s turn to feel bad. She sat up and momentarily pulled away from her girlfriend’s embrace. She turned toward her and said, “It’s not your fault. I was being too emotional.” 

“You mean you were being like me?” Lexi said with a hint of a smile on her face. She took Charlie’s face in both of her hands and pulled her in for a kiss. She had no idea what her girlfriend had in store for her. 

Lexi was one kiss closer to her happily ever after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After this storyline we will return to the normal timeline for a while. But don't worry. Charlie will be back.


	235. One Kiss Closer (Part Two)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a FLASHFORWARD chapter.
> 
> This chapter contains a prompt.
> 
> There's a small reference to chapter 71.

Ali found her wife in the backyard mowing the lawn. She shook her head in disapproval as she approached her with a glass of iced tea.

“Baby, you know our son is coming over later to mow. Why are you out here doing this?" Ali asked. She handed her wife the beverage and waited for an answer.

Ash took a long drink of tea and wiped her sweaty brow before answering, “Babe, I figured if it’s done we can hang out instead.”

“Sweetheart, he doesn’t want you to have to do it, that’s the whole point of him coming over.” 

Ashlyn’s cheeks and shoulders were red from the sun and she was breathing a little bit heavily from the yard work. Her tank top was drenched in sweat and covered in dirt and grass clippings. 

“He’s not gonna care when I tell him we’re gonna hang out.” Ash replied.

Ali knew there was no use in arguing at this point. Ash had almost finished the entire yard, but she still didn’t like that she had done it. “Ash, you remember what the doctor said. You need to slow down.”

“Alex, I am slowing down. I’m bored to death. Mowing the lawn isn’t going to kill me.” Ashlyn answered.

Ash’s choice of wording didn’t help her cause. Ali was worried that ‘killing’ Ashlyn might be the very thing that mowing the lawn would do. 

“Ash, I’m telling you that you cannot do this anymore. If you don’t want one of our boys doing it, then I will do it.” Ali said.

Ash laughed in response, “You are not going to mow the lawn. I won’t let you. It’s my responsibility.” Ash always treated Ali like a princess. Obviously Ali was capable of mowing the lawn, but all of their years together Ash always insisted that she be the one to do it.

“Either I am going to do it or you let someone else. You are done with this sort of thing.” Ali said. She put her hands on her hips and added strongly, “There’s no debate!”

Ashlyn handed Ali her glass of tea and started the mower up. Without a word, she continued to cut the row of grass that she had been working on when Ali interrupted her. Ali stared at her in shock. Both women were still very competitive. There was no way Ali was going to back down from the challenge of getting her wife to slow down.

Ali waited for Ash to finish the row that she was cutting. When Ash turned the mower around to mow the next section of grass, Ali stepped right in front of the mower with her hands firmly on her hips. Ash was going to have to mow her down if she wanted to continue.

Over the sound of the mower Ash yelled, “Move.”

Ali stood her ground.

Ash turned the mower off and asked, “Can I at least finish, please?”

Ali pursed her lips and shook her head no.

Ash sighed in frustration and started to walk inside. Ali hugged her sweaty frame from behind and said, “Thank you, baby.”

“Whatever.” Ash mumbled. 

Ali smiled into her wife’s neck and kissed her salty skin. “I love you.”

“Love you, too.” Ash answered. She was frustrated, but knew Ali was just looking out for her.

“You know that Samuel will be glad to finish this up for you. He loves helping you. And you two will have plenty of time to hang out after that.” Ali said with optimism.

Before Ashlyn got a chance to complain the women both could see through their sliding glass doors that their daughter and her girlfriend had let themselves into their house. Ali patted her wife on the butt and told her to take a shower. Ash waved to Lexi and Charlie and said that she would properly greet them after she had cleaned up.

Lexi sent her girlfriend up to her old bedroom to take a nap. Charlie wasn’t happy about it, but she didn’t have the energy to argue. Lex watched as Charlie slowly made her way up the steps. Ali knew that her daughter was up to something so she didn’t question her. She waited until Lexi was ready to spill. 

Once Charlie was out of sight, Lexi explained why they were there. “So...my lovely girlfriend’s stubbornness has resulted in her now having pneumonia.” Lexi was both frustrated and worried. 

“Oh no!” Ali replied in sincere worry for the sick woman. 

“She avoided the doctor for so long that her cold turned into bronchitis and her bronchitis turned into pneumonia.” Lexi complained. 

“Why did she wait so long?” Ali asked. 

Only seconds ago Lexi was frustrated and upset with her girlfriend, but as soon as her mother asked the reason for Charlie’s behavior, she softened up. “She hates doctors and everything that has to do with them.” Lexi explained with sadness wrapped around each word.

Ali knew there was more that her daughter wanted to share, so she didn’t say anything in response. She waited sympathetically for her daughter to further explain.

“She was in and out of doctors’ offices and hospitals with her dad for years. Every time she does anything that reminds her of those days, she gets really sad. I had to threaten her to get her to go.”

“Poor thing. So, on top of being really sick she was reminded of losing her father?” Ali replied. 

“Yeah, so anyway...She’s not doing well. I need to go grocery shopping but I don’t feel good about leaving her home alone. You don’t mind her staying here for an hour or two while I get some things done, do you?” Lexi asked. 

“Of course not. We can do whatever you need.”

“I’m hoping she will sleep the whole time I’m gone. I told her to nap in my old room so that you and Mama wouldn’t have to worry about disturbing her. I figured you had plenty planned for today. I’m hoping we’re not inconveniencing you too much.” Lexi said.

Ali smiled and kissed her daughter’s cheek. “Sweetheart, we are glad to help you both. It’s not a problem.”

...

Ashlyn had finished her shower and heard someone moving around in the upstairs of their house. She was unaware that her daughter’s girlfriend had been sentenced to Lexi’s childhood room for the afternoon. She searched for the noise and found Charlie sitting on Lexi’s old bed and coughing.

“You ok?” Ash asked. 

Charlie was pale and sweaty. Ashlyn hadn’t heard yet about the pneumonia, but she didn’t need to. It was obvious that her fellow surfer girl was very sick. 

Charlie rubbed her sore chest and answered, “Not really.”

Ashlyn sat down on the side of the bed and put her arm around the woman’s shoulders. “What’s going on?”

“Everything is going wrong.” Charlie answered through an exhausted sigh. She was too sick to filter her thoughts and actions. Without thinking she laid her head down on Ashlyn’s shoulder and said, “I bet you didn’t know that I was planning to ask for your blessing to marry your daughter during my celebration dinner last month.”

The woman was deliriously rambling. She continued to over share, “Then I fell asleep and ruined everything...”

Ashlyn gave the girl’s shoulder a sympathetic squeeze. She had yet to say a word in response to Charlie’s unintentional confession. 

“I had it all planned out. I was going to take her to the ballet.” Charlie said. “On our first date I asked her what was the best date she had every been on. She said it was with you.”

“With me?” Ashlyn asked in humble surprise.

“She said you took her to the ballet when she was little. Then you went for a walk and got ice cream. She said she had been having bad dreams and you made her feel special and loved.” Charlie explained. “That’s all I wanted was for her to feel special and loved.”

Charlie wiped away a few tears that had found their way to her eyes and cheeks before she continued, “But the ballet is a few days away and Lex won’t go with me. She said I’m too sick. It’s the professional performance of the same ballet you took her to. I don’t know when the next show will be in this area. Maybe never...”

“It will all work out, Charlie.” Ash encouraged. “You’re putting too much stress on yourself to make everything perfect.”

“I can’t even buy a ring.” Charlie lamented. 

Ashlyn raised an eyebrow and replied, “You haven’t bought a ring yet?”

“It’s not that I can’t afford one. Lex knows about everything I buy because she balances my checkbook, so I can’t use money from my bank account. I arranged to do a special mural for a jeweler. He was going to pay me by giving me the ring that Lexi had pointed out to me a while ago. But this stupid sickness has caused your daughter to keep me a prisoner in our apartment. I’m not allowed to go anywhere without her.” Charlie said. She looked up to Ash and with tears welling up in her eyes again she asked, “How am I supposed to do anything like that? I can’t even do the simplest thing, like sleep. Every time I lay down I start coughing.”

Up until this point Ashlyn had kept just one arm around her daughter’s girlfriend for comfort and support, but by the time she had poured out her whole heart, Ash had wrapped her up in a tight hug and waited for her to calm down. 

Charlie mumbled into Ashlyn’s chest, “I’m gonna get you sick.”

“It’s ok.” Ash answered simply. “Listen, the first thing you need to do is get some sleep. That will not only help your body feel better, but also your mind. You’ll be able to think clearer and figure out a way to make my little princess feel special and loved.”

“I can’t...” Charlie began to argue. 

Ashlyn cut her off and said, “You can sleep in my recliner downstairs. I have some great memories of holding my children while they slept. You’re a little bit bigger than they were so I won’t be able to sit with you, but it might still have some magic left in it.”

Lexi had caught the very end of their conversation. All she heard was Ashlyn’s invitation for her girlfriend to find some rest in her favorite recliner. 

“Mama?” Lexi said quietly. She saw that her mother was protectively holding her girlfriend. She couldn’t help but worry about her. 

Ash waved her hand toward her to signal that she come in. Lexi sat down next to the women on the bed. Ash stood up and let her daughter take her place. Ash explained to Lexi that Charlie needed to sleep. She didn’t tell her about the rest of their conversation, which Charlie was already regretting having. Ashlyn instructed Lex to have her girlfriend go downstairs to sleep in her favorite chair when she felt up to it. 

Ash kissed both Lexi and Charlie’s heads before she left them to find comfort in one another’s arms.

...

“Hey Ma!” Sam announced loudly as he entered his parents house. Ashlyn smiled widely when she saw her son and Ali shushed him to be quiet, pointing toward Charlie, who had finally fallen asleep in Ashlyn’s chair. 

“Oops, sorry.” Samuel whispered. He gave both his parents a hug and waved to Charlie. Ali thought it was cute that he acknowledged the girl, even though she was unconscious.

Samuel finished mowing the lawn in about 15 minutes. His mother was practically bouncing in place as she waited for him to return back inside to spend time with her. 

“What has you all excited?” Ali asked. 

Ash tried to contain her smile when she answered, “I get to spend time with my boy.” 

Ashlyn had a day of fun planned for the two of them. Samuel was the most open to letting Ashlyn have adventurous fun. Usually Ali would worry that she would get hurt and do her best to stop it. Ash had an activity in mind for her and Sam that she knew Ali wouldn’t approve of.

“What are you two planning on doing?” Ali asked. She was suspicious of her wife’s behavior.

“We are gonna check out some nature.” Ash answered vaguely.

Ali furrowed her brow and asked, “What the heck does that mean?”

“It’s like a hike...or like...sightseeing.”

“What’s it called?” Ali asked, looking for a straight answer.

“Ummm...” Ash hesitated a few seconds before answering, “I would call it a road trip.”

“Where are you going?”

“Just a few scenic places that I found online. Nothing too exciting.” Ash answered. She hoped her wife would accept that answer and drop it.

“Ok.” Ali replied. “Make sure to take pictures.”

Ash smiled and promised that she would. Ali knew something was up, but she also knew that Samuel would take care of his Mama.

...

Samuel took the helmet from his mother and asked, “So, Mom doesn’t know about this does she?”

Ashlyn had rented motorcycles for her and her son to ride for the afternoon. There was no way Ali would approve if she knew all the details of what they were doing.

“She sorta knows...a little...I mean, the gist of what we’re doing.” Ash answered with a smirk.

“What does she know?”

Before flipping down the visor on her helmet she said, “She knows we’re going on a road trip to sight-see.” 

With that explanation she started up the motorcycle and drove off. All Sam could do was follow behind.

...

“She’s still asleep?” Lexi asked as she approached the back of the recliner Charlie was passed out on. 

Ali quietly answered, “Yeah. She hasn’t moved in an hour.”

“I feel bad about having to wake her.” Lex said with a frown.

“Then don’t. Let her sleep.” Ali replied. “This house is always too quiet now. At least it will be used for something good today. She’s welcome to sleep for as long as she can.”

“Thanks, Mom.” Lexi replied. She gave her mother a side hug and said, “It means so much to me that you love Charlie. She deserves it.”

“I know she does, Sweetheart.”

Lexi pulled her mother away from the area where her girlfriend was sleeping and explained, “She’s been really down lately. I think a lot of it has to do with her being sick, but I also think that she’s frustrated not being able to work or do anything without getting worn out really quickly. She’s such a creative soul, ya know?” Lexi started to smile as she described her artistic girlfriend. “I can’t imagine what it must be like to have so many ideas and feelings twirling around inside of you and not being able to let them out.”

Lexi sighed and added, “And on top of all of that, I know she was traumatized by her doctor appointment.”

Ali looked at her daughter in confusion. 

Lexi further explained, “The doctor left the room to get some prescription samples for her and she broke down. She said that all she could think about was the last time she took her father to the doctor and they were told that he had run out of options. He passed away a few days later.”

Ali pulled her daughter into a hug and held her while she cried because of a sadness she shared with her girlfriend. Ali had never really known about this side of Charlie. As she embraced Lexi, who was shaking from crying, she worried about how her often times emotional daughter would handle living life with someone who carried a great depth of sadness within her.

...

Sam had spent an hour following behind his mother as they rode their pair of sport bikes. Ash slowed down when she saw Samuel had caught up with her and motioned that she follow him. He found a safe spot to pull over and stopped. Ash pulled up along side of him and turned off her motorcycle. 

“What’s up, Bam?” Ash asked once she had taken off her helmet.

Sam stretched out his right leg and answered, “My knee’s killing me” He had gotten his cast off and was in the process of getting therapy to regain full strength and movement, but the ride was more than he could handle.

“Oh, crap! I didn’t even think about your leg. I’m so sorry.” Ash apologized. She had been looking forward to going on an adventure with her son so much that she didn’t consider that he still wasn’t back to his old self. 

“It’s fine, Ma. I just need a little break.” Sam answered. 

Ash asked, “How’s it doing? I mean, before the ride. What does the doctor say?” 

“Doc said that it will never be back to normal. He suggested that I consider finding another career.” Sam answered. It was the first glimpse of sadness Ashlyn had seen in her son in a long time.

“Sam-Bam, I’m sorry. What are you going to do?” 

Sam stretched out his leg back and forth and Ashlyn heard it pop and crack. It was a reality check for the woman. Her son had always acted as if he was invincible. The scars on his leg proved otherwise. 

“I’m not being forced out of the fire department. So, that’s good.” Sam answered. “It’s just going to be harder to do the physical stuff...but I feel like I can handle it.”

“I can’t believe I’m gonna say this. Especially since we are parked on the side of the road next to a cliff.” Ashlyn said. “But be careful. Don’t push yourself too hard.”

Sam shared a laugh with his mother as he put his helmet back on. Before starting the loud engine of the motorcycle he said with a smile, “Whatever you say, Ma.”

...

The next morning Ashlyn showed up with Jacob at Lexi and Charlie’s apartment. She had worked out a plan with her wife. 

“You sure you don’t mind hanging out for a while?” Lex asked after she let her mother and brother in.

“No worries, princess. Jake and I were wanting to spend the day together anyway. We’re just doing it here instead of somewhere else.” Ash answered. 

Lexi gave Jacob and Ash a hug and said, “She’s taking a shower. She will probably freak out when she sees you here, so try not to look like a creepy kidnapper.” Lexi laughed slightly and then added, “Please remember that Charlie needs to rest and take her medicine. I set the bottle out on the table with a note saying when to give it to her.” Lexi pointed to the medication and continued, “I don’t know how long it’s gonna take for Mom and I to finish shopping. Call me if you need me to come back sooner.”

“No problem.” Ash answered. 

She already knew how long it would take for Lex and her wife to pick out new furniture and decor for their house. It would take all day. It was all a distraction to keep Lexi away from her girlfriend for the day. Ashlyn had called Charlie ahead of time and worked out a plan together. Charlie needed some time away from her girlfriend if she was going to be able to propose to Lexi in the perfect way she had wanted.

When Ashlyn called Charlie the night before to work out the necessary details, she told her that both Ali and her were happy to give their blessing to her and her desire to marry their daughter. However, Ash didn’t stop there. She said that they not only supported her upcoming proposal, but wanted to do everything in their power to help make it happen.

Neither of them had seen their daughter as happy as she had been since she met and fallen in love with Charlie. It was only natural for them to want to do everything in their power to make sure she stayed that way.


	236. One Kiss Closer (Part Three)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a FLASHFORWARD chapter.

“Mama's back already?” Lexi asked as she walked past Ash’s Jeep in her parents’ driveway.

Ali shook her head at her wife’s inability to follow her own plan’s instructions and tried to answer without sounding suspicious. “I guess so.”

“She’s supposed to be with Charlie.” Lexi said feeling a mix of disappointment and anger.

“Sweetheart, I’m sure there’s a good reason.” Ali replied. She really hoped her wife had an explanation that Lexi would accept.

All rational thinking left Lexi’s brain when she saw her mother and brother hanging out and laughing. There was no sign of her sick fiance.

“Mama!” Lexi anxiously shouted. “Where’s Charlie?”

Ash wasn’t expecting to get yelled at by her daughter. She was stunned in shock.

“Alexandra, you do not speak to your mother that way.” Ali scolded from behind her worried daughter. She put a calming arm around Lexi’s shoulders and shared a look with her wife.

Lexi replied to Ali, “Mom, they were supposed to stay with Charlie.” Her anger had dissipated and now her anxiety was fully coming through.

“Princess, she’s here.” Ash announced.

Lexi turned toward Ashlyn and her face and tone had softened when she asked, “Where is she?”

“I’m right here.” Charlie interrupted. She emerged from a hallway in the back of the house. Her hair was wet from the shower she had just taken.

Lexi was relieved to see that her girlfriend seemed fine, but seeing her reminded her that she was supposed to be resting in their apartment.

“Why are you guys here? I thought we had agreed that you would stay at our apartment and rest?” Lexi asked, directing the last question at her girlfriend.    


Charlie was good at a lot of things, but one thing she was not good at was lying. She quickly looked to Ashlyn as she stuttered, “Uh, um, I was uh..I mean we...were just...”

Ashlyn jumped in to try to help the poor girl, “Jake and I took her out to eat. We know you guys would be home soon so we just came here.” Ash explained.

“Why did you need to take a shower?” Lexi asked, again directing her question only to her girlfriend, even though it was her mother who had answered her.

“I..uh...I was hot.” Charlie lied. She wanted to kick herself for not thinking of a better reason.

Lexi sighed in frustration and looked toward Ashlyn and complained, “Mama, this is why she needed to stay home and in bed. She has a fever. You pushed her too hard when I asked you to take care of her!”

“Lex, it’s not her fault!” Charlie interjected, but she couldn’t say anything else to support her statement because the extra effort to try to speak loudly caused her to cough.

Ashlyn knew Charlie would try to come to her aid, but she didn’t want her to. She felt that it was more important for Lexi’s sake to let the girl think poorly of her. She didn’t want to ruin Charlie’s plans.

Ali put a hand on Lexi’s shoulder and tried to calm her daughter down, “Sweetheart, you need to take a few deep breaths...”

Lexi pulled away from her mother and answered, “No, Mom! I’m not struggling with anxiety. I’m angry.” Lex stared Ashlyn down and continued, “You were supposed to watch out for her...” Lexi threw up her hands and spoke to no one in particular when she asked, “What was I thinking?” She gave her attention back to Ash and added, “I should have known that you would let me down. Charlie and I have a different kind of relationship that you and Mom.”

Now both Ash and Ali were offended.

Lexi continued, “We actually respect each other’s opinion and don’t do things that will hurt the other person.”

Ashlyn was both confused and hurt by the accusation. “What do you mean?” She asked.

“Alexandra Elizabeth!” Ali harshly whispered in her daughter’s direction. She wanted her daughter to back off.

Lexi didn’t care what either of her parents wanted. She was angry and couldn’t hep but speak her mind. “How many years has it taken you to finally listen to Mom and your doctors about slowing down? How many times did you selfishly do whatever you wanted without thinking about how it hurt Mom and the rest of us?”

“SHUT UP!” Jacob shouted over his hysterical sister’s angry voice. He had stayed quiet long enough...maybe too long. “You have no right to talk to Mama this way. I’m not going to let you. Stop acting like a spoiled brat!” Jake reprimanded.

Lexi exhaled loudly, knowing that when her usually calm and quiet brother got loud and angry, it was never wise to challenge him. She grabbed her girlfriend’s hand and announced, “We’re leaving.”

After Lexi had pulled Charlie out to her car she directed her frustrated anger at her girlfriend. “Why didn’t you tell my Mama, no?”

“Lex, you need to calm down. You’re overreacting.” Charlie answered.

Lexi did not like that answer. She let her girlfriend know. “This isn’t you, Charlotte. You are kind and considerate. You’re not the type to invalidate my feelings and be selfish....That’s what my Mama does.”

“Ok, seriously...” Charlie interrupted. She was seeing another side of Lexi that she really didn’t like. “Enough blaming your mother for something that she didn’t do. I’m a grown woman. I make my own decisions. If you want to be mad at someone for doing NOTHING wrong, be mad at me.”

Lexi started to respond but Charlie didn’t hear most of it. She had been distracted by her cell phone. When Lex saw her reading a text instead of listening to her, it was over. Lexi decided if she didn’t want to listen to her, then she wouldn’t talk.

Charlie’s distracting text was from Ashlyn, telling her not to worry and to let Lex blame her. It was better for Lexi to be angry at her mother than her girlfriend. In Charlie’s mind it was too late for either of them to get out of this situation with getting burned from the fire of Lexi’s anger.

When the couple arrived at their apartment Charlie got another text from Ashlyn...

_“Stick to the plan. PHASE 1 got a little messy, but it was a success. PHASE 2 will be easier.”_

Charlie slowed down her pace as the women approached their door and typed out...

_“She’s really mad. Maybe it would be better to tell her.”_

Ash replied...

_“It will all be worth it. She will hate herself if she ruined this.”_

Lex’s girlfriend responded...

_“Yeah, ok...sorry about all this.”_

Before Charlie could get Ashlyn’s response, Lexi cleared her throat loudly and said, “Are you serious right now? We’re in the middle of a fight and you’re chatting away on your phone.”

At that point everything the artist did annoyed Lexi. Lex decided she needed some time and space to cool off. While Charlie took her second shower of the day, she called in reinforcements.

...

“Hey, Charlito.” Sam greeted from his spot on Lexi and Charlie’s couch.

Charlie was happy to see him. She was expecting to have to try to make peace with her girlfriend. She had purposely taken an extra long shower to give her more time to think of what to say.

“What are you doing here?” Charlie asked. She sat down next to him and took in the sight of a large bag of ice melting on his propped up knee.

“Lex didn’t want to leave you alone. She’s mad at you.”

“Where’d she go?”

Sam shrugged and answered the best he could, “Probably shopping. She’s always up for retail therapy.” Samuel smiled at the girl and tried to lighten the mood.

It didn’t work. “Your sister’s pissed at me.”

“Yeah, I heard. I also heard from my mom that you were busy today.” Sam answered.

“Yeah. We got a lot done, but we can’t tell Lexi about it...Which is the only thing that will make her chill.”

“Oh, I’m sure.” Sam replied. He adjusted the ice on his leg and added, “But you know Lexi. She hates not being in control. She’ll settle down. Don’t worry.”

Charlie nodded and answered, “I hope so.”

She got up from the couch and went to the kitchen to get Sam a small towel. She wrapped it around the dripping bag of ice Samuel had on his leg to keep it from leaking all over the furniture. She didn’t want to give her girlfriend any more reason to be upset with her.

“What are we gonna do? This is the first time she was so mad at me that she couldn’t stand to be near me.” Charlie said. Her heart was breaking. Lexi had never treated her like this before. She didn’t know how to proceed.

Sam answered, “Don’t worry so much about it. She’s just being dramatic.” Sam added with a hint of frustration, “She’s always being dramatic.”

“Yeah...I guess.” Charlie replied unassured. She didn’t like the way Lexi’s absence made her feel. She felt like her plan to propose was turning out to be a complete disaster.

...

When Lexi came back to her and her girlfriend’s apartment she found her brother had fallen asleep on their couch. She gently nudged him with her foot to wake him up. After a few more soft kicks he woke up.

“How’s Charlie?” Lexi quietly asked. She was feeling guilty about leaving her.

“Fine.” Sam answered shortly.

Lexi knew immediately that Samuel was upset with her. She got defensive. “What?” She asked with a little bit of attitude. She was too tired to give him her usual amount of sass.

“Nothing.” Sam said and shrugged.

“You’re mad me...obviously. Why don’t you just say it?”

Samuel knew his sister was challenging him, and since he was always up for a challenge, he answered honestly. “I think you suck.”

“What kind of answer is that?” Lexi asked in frustration. Her brother not only failed to clearly answer  the reason for his anger, but he also managed to vaguely insult her.

“It’s an honest answer.” Sam replied.

Lexi thought about smacking Sam in the back of the head to relieve her frustration but thought better. She was already in enough trouble and her guilt was starting to overwhelm her.

Lex chose instead to let out a huff of frustration and walk away. As she made her way toward her room to find her sick girlfriend she heard her brother say, “She made you cookies...” Lexi stopped in her tracks at the realization that while she was being stubborn, her girlfriend was being thoughtful. She almost said something to her brother but the moment was ruined when he added, “I ate them all after she went to bed.”

Lex rolled her eyes and shook her head. Right before she got to their closed bedroom door she said, “You can leave now.”

Sam ignored her and laid back down on the couch and soon fell back to sleep.

Lexi slowly approached her sleeping girlfriend. Charlie had improved immensely since first being diagnosed with pneumonia. She was now able to lay down without having severe coughing fits, but the congestion caused her to snore quietly.  

  
As Lex stood above her and listened to the quiet sound of Charlie's breathing, she felt a wave of compassion come over her. She sat down next to the sleeping woman and removed strands of messy hair from Charlie’s face. She caressed her cheek and bent down and kissed her head.

After changing into something more comfortable, she climbed into bed next to Charlie and adjusted Charlie’s sleeping body so that her head rested on her shoulder. She whispered, “I’m sorry” into the quiet room and embraced her as she listened to the sound of her girlfriend’s snoring.

...

Ali rolled into the empty space where her wife usually slept. After a few moments her brain registered the fact that Ashlyn wasn’t next to her. She peaked at the alarm clock on the nightstand and saw that it was 4:00am. After letting out a quiet sound that was half a yawn and half a groan, Ali left to find her missing wife.

“Baby...” Ali mumbled when she spotted her wife in their daughter’s old room.

When Ash heard her she turned around. Ali stepped into her wife’s open arms and rested her tired body against Ashlyn.

Ali’s words were muffled as she spoke against Ashlyn’s neck, “I reached for you and you weren’t there.”

Ash gave her wife a squeeze and apologized, “Sorry...” After a moment’s hesitation she added, “...for everything.”

Ali was too tired to catch that her wife wasn’t simply regretting her early morning exit from bed, she was also sorry about something else.

“Come back to bed.” Ali stated tiredly. She pulled Ashlyn out of the room and didn’t wait for a response.

After the women had returned to their usual sleeping positions, Ashlyn asked, “Do you feel like I’ve let you down?”

Ali hummed into her wife’s chest a sound that let the blonde know she was confused by the question.

“Have I been selfish and been hurting you all these years?” Ash asked in a shaky voice. She had spent the night and early hours of the morning thinking about what her daughter had accused her of.

Ali, though still tired, sensed that she needed to give her wife her full attention. She sat up and stared down at her wife. “Baby, what are you talking about?” Ali asked.

“I’ve been thinking about what Lex said. I always thought that our children understood why I pushed myself so hard. Maybe I messed up. Maybe I hurt everyone trying to be the best wife and mother I could be for you guys.” Ash answered.

Ali pulled Ashlyn up into a hug and reversed their usual sleeping position by pulling her back down on top of her. As Ash nestled into Ali’s side Ali said, “Baby, Lexi is an emotional girl. You know that. She probably feels bad about what she said and is planning to apologize in the morning.”

It was as if Ashlyn didn’t hear what her wife had said when she started thinking out loud. “I always thought we had a special relationship. She’s my little princess...and now I find out that she thinks I am selfish and that I don’t care if I hurt you and the rest of the family...So, basically I’m a failure.”

“Ashlyn, you do not have anything to feel bad about. Our daughter is known for her over dramatic outbursts and once she calms down and comes to her senses, everything will be back to normal.”

Once again it seemed like Ash wasn’t listening to her wife’s attempt to comfort her when she randomly said, “I went on an adventure ride with Bam.”

“What?” Ali asked. She had no idea what an ‘adventure ride’ was or what it had to do with the conversation they were having.

“I didn’t tell you about Sam and I renting motorcycles when he came over the other day to mow the lawn. I told you we were going on a road trip, knowing that you would assume it was in a car. I was selfish...I wanted to spend time with my son...I wasn’t trying to hurt you...” Ash confessed. Her words came out fast the more she shared, and by the end she was in tears.

Ali had a decision to make. In all honesty, she wanted to reprimand her wife for being careless with her health, but more than anything else she wanted her wife to know that she wasn’t a failure.

“Ash, I’m not happy about you doing that, but you weren’t being selfish. You didn’t hurt me or anyone else.”

“I hurt Sam. He couldn’t ride without feeling pain.” Ash answered regretfully. “I didn’t even think about his injured leg.”

Ali’s heart was hurting for her wife. Ashlyn was clearly feeling guilty about her past behavior that was, in her heart, completely innocent. Lexi’s thoughtless words had made Ashlyn’s calculation of herself go from being her daughter’s hero, to being a self-centered disappointment.

“Baby, please don’t be so hard on yourself.” Ali comforted. She kissed the top of her wife’s head and added, “In the morning you’ll see that Lexi didn’t mean what she said. You’re the best thing to ever happen to this family.”

Ali had a lot on her mind. She needed to check on Samuel and his leg. She needed to talk to Ashlyn about doing potentially dangerous things behind her back, but the most important thing she needed to do was to fix the rift between her wife and daughter.

...

Lexi had fallen asleep to the sound of Charlie softly snoring. She woke up when she heard her phone buzz next to her. She reached for her cell phone and squinted at the bright screen. She had received a text message from her mother.

Panic filled her when she saw that it was 4:30 in the morning. She imagined one of her family members being rushed to the hospital. When she opened the message she was partly relieved, but once she read it a second time she felt even more guilt weigh her down.

Even in a text message Lexi could hear her mother’s angry tone. Ali didn’t ask...she demanded that she call Ashlyn in the morning and apologize for breaking her heart.

...

Lexi answered her phone with a whisper, “I know what you’re going to say. I’m planning on stopping by later.”

“Your Mama is miserable thinking that she’s let you down.” Ali replied.

Lexi let out a frustrated sigh and said, “Mom, I promise I will make things right, but first I have to fix things with Charlie.”

“What’s wrong with you and Charlie?” Ali asked with a kinder tone of concern.

Lexi quietly explained that they had gotten into a fight on the way home the night before and she was still waiting for her sick girlfriend to wake up so she could properly apologize. Lexi was still lying down in their bed, holding her girlfriend close. On one hand she was happy that Charlie was able to sleep, but on the other hand she was anxiously waiting to make things right.

After she had hung up with her mother, Lexi texted Sam to see if he was somewhere in her apartment. It was almost 10am and she was starving. She was hoping her little brother would make her breakfast. He texted back that he wasn’t around and couldn’t make her anything.

Lexi tried to gently move her girlfriend off of her, but it wasn’t gentle enough. Charlie was awakened by the movement.

“Baby, go back to sleep.” Lexi whispered.

She wasn’t sure if her girlfriend would want to talk to her, or even be in the same room with her for that matter. When Lex had called Samuel over to stay with Charlie, she left for a couple of hours to settle down. She had lost her cool and every time she had tried to talk to her girlfriend about it she only got more frustrated. Now that she had time to cool off, she felt embarrassed and ashamed of how she had acted. She needed to apologize to more than just her girlfriend, but Charlie was her first priority.

As she nervously waited for Charlie to wake up enough to remember the night before and realize that she was angry with her, Lex tried to savor the loving moment for as long as she could.

Charlie had let Lexi move her but she made sure to keep a hand on Lexi. Lex was anticipating her girlfriend pushing her away. She was sure it was coming. It was only a matter of time until she woke up enough to remember how she had hurt her.

But Charlie didn’t push her away. She pulled her into a hug and asked, “Are you ok?”

Lex was not expecting to be greeted that morning by a girlfriend who cared more about her well-being than putting her in her place. Lexi answered her concerned girlfriend, “I’ve been better.”

“It’ll get better, babe.”

“Will you forgive me for going crazy yesterday?” Lexi asked.

Charlie yawned and slowly sat up. She rubbed her tired eyes and answered, “I don’t think I need to.”

“What do you mean?”

Charlie gave Lex a tired smile and brushed a fallen eyelash from Lexi’s cheek. She easily answered Lexi’s question without a second thought and said, “I was never mad at you.”

“Charlie, I was horrible yesterday. I said things I didn’t mean. I feel like I’m a terrible girlfriend.”

“Well...” Charlie said, “You’re the best girlfriend I’ve ever had.”

Lexi sarcastically answered, “That’s not saying much.” Both women had had a lot of bad romantic experiences before finally finding each other.

“It says a lot to me.” Charlie replied sweetly. “I wouldn’t change anything for the world.”

“Even with all my crazy flaws?” Lex asked with a hopeful smile waiting to show itself.

Charlie smiled and yawned before answering, “I love your craziness...and I wouldn’t call your passion to take care of me a flaw.”

“No?” Lexi asked sweetly.

“Nah...” Charlie said casually. She pulled Lexi towards her until their foreheads touched and she said, “I would call it love.”

Lex smiled gratefully for her girlfriend’s ability to see the good in her, even when she couldn’t see it herself. With their heads still touching, she closed her eyes and said, “I love you.”

The moment was ruined by the grumbling of Lexi’s stomach. Both women laughed at the poor timing of the sound and the heavy laughter led to a coughing fit for Charlie. Lexi jumped off of the bed and left her to get her medicine. When she left the room she found her little brother playing one of her girlfriend's video games in their living room.

“Samuel!” Lexi scolded. Her brother was in the same clothes he had fallen asleep in the night before.

“What?” Sam answered with an annoyed tone. His eyes never left the television screen.

Lexi stared at him, but he didn’t let her displeasure faze him. “You said that you weren’t around anymore. You said you left.”

“No, dummy....” Sam answered, using a name that Lexi was used to hearing when he was upset with her. “...I said that I wasn’t around. As in, I’m not around the kitchen. I’m in the living room.”

Lexi rolled her eyes at her younger brother, who also happened to be her best friend, and dismissed his immature ways. Besides, she really couldn’t blame him for being upset with her. Lex left him to finish his game and continued her quest to help her girlfriend feel better.

After Lex had made sure her girlfriend was properly medicated she made breakfast. She even made enough for Samuel. Sam accepted the eggs and two extra servings of bacon as a peace offering and let his sister give him a hug and kiss before he went back to ignoring her and playing video games.

...

Ali was washing dishes when she saw her daughter arrive from the kitchen window. She watched Lexi slowly approach her wife. Ashlyn had spent the early hours of the afternoon in their driveway washing both of their cars.

Ali saw her daughter nervously stand in front of her wife. Ashlyn shut off the water and laid down the hose she had been using to wash Ali’s car. Ali of course couldn’t hear the conversation, but she had witnessed the familiarity of it many times. Her daughter was well known for her outbursts, and her wife was known for her tender heart towards all of their children.

Ali watched as her daughter pulled a rose from behind her back and presented it to Ashlyn. She smiled thinking about how her wife would more than likely give it to her. Ali smiled again when she saw Lexi hand Ashlyn an envelope. She didn’t know what was in the envelope but assumed it was something that Ash would enjoy.

Lexi waited for Ashlyn to open the envelope and see what was inside. The two shared a laugh when Ash saw what her daughter had brought her. This peaked Ali’s curiosity. She was hoping the two women could reconcile soon so that she could find out what was so funny.

Ali saw her daughter get serious. She saw signs of sadness and regret present themselves. The way that Lexi spoke with her eyes looking down at the ground, and the way she nervously played with the hem of her shirt, showed Ali that her daughter meant every word of her apology.

Ashlyn and Lexi talked for what felt like ages to nosy Ali. She watched as they spoke back and forth and were clearly having a conversation about more than just a few misspoken words. Ali wondered what was going on.

Lexi ended up crying as Ash comforted her with a protective embrace. Now Ali really wanted to know what they had talked about. When their conversation had come to an end, Ali was disappointed to see that her daughter left without coming inside to visit with her. She waited just long enough for Lexi to get out of view of the house to go outside and ask her wife what they had talked about.

“Here.” Ash said, as she handed Ali the rose her daughter had given her.

Ali didn’t have time to truly appreciate the fact that her wife always gave her the flowers that she received. Usually she would take a moment to smell the rose and tell her wife how sweet she was, but this time she got right down to business.

“Baby, what were you two talking about?” Ali asked.

Ash laughed at her curious wife and answered with a question, “Was someone watching us from the kitchen window?”

“You already know I was. Now what were you guys talking about?” Ali replied. In her mind she had waited long enough.

Ashlyn smiled and said, “Well, she apologized.”

“Yeah, I figured that.” Ali said impatiently. She motioned with her hand for Ashlyn to hurry up and tell her the good stuff.

“You’re cute when you’re being nosy.”

“Shut up and tell me...” Ali replied.

“Ok.” Ash answered calmly. “We talked about how I never meant to hurt her by being selfish...That I am still learning to be a better wife and parent...”

Ali scrunched up her face in confusion. She did not like that her wife was taking any blame for what happened.

Ash continued, “I told her that she should be careful not to project my issues on Charlie. I told her that she was right to say that her and Charlie’s relationship was different from ours.”

“Baby, why did you say all of that? You didn’t do anything wrong. What’s wrong with our relationship? Why would it matter if theirs was different?”

“Ok babe, that was a lot of questions.” Ash replied with a laugh. She quickly got serious and answered her wife, “Anyway, I said all of that because I’ve been thinking. Obviously I never meant to hurt anyone, but maybe I did. I told her that if I’ve let her down that I am sorry...and that Charlie shouldn’t have to pay for that. It's good for their relationship to be different than ours. They have to find their own balance. What we have works for us. You are practically a real life angel and are willing to put up with the difficulties of being married to me. I wanted Lex to know that just because that was your experience in loving me doesn’t mean it would be her experience with Charlie.”

“What did Lexi say?” Ali asked. She actually had a lot more to say but she wanted to hear her daughter’s response before she let Ash know her feelings about the topic.

“She said I was crazy.”

Ali sighed in relief and replied, “She’s right. You’re always being too hard on yourself. You are one of the easiest people in the world to love. You know I hate it when you short change yourself, Ashlyn. I love our daughter, but she was in the wrong when she said the things she said to you.”

“Alex, I could have done better.” Ash replied.

“Baby, that’s true for all of us. We are all still learning.”

Ash nodded and said, “I know. I wanted her to know that relationships are hard work and we don’t always get it right...but the important thing is that we don’t give up on each other.”

Ali’s demeanor went from upset and worried to proud and amazed. She pulled at the front of Ashlyn’s shirt and said, “You were giving her marriage advice.”

“I just want her to be happy.”

Ali pulled her wife into a kiss and then said, “I think you’re wonderful. Marrying you was the best decision I ever made.”

The women shared one more passionate kiss and Ashlyn’s reply was muffled against Ali's lips as she said, “You will always be my angel...”

...

“Baby, wake up.” Ali prodded as she nudged her sleeping wife. Ashlyn rolled towards her and hid her face in Ali’s neck. “Sweetheart, I need to ask you something. Wake up for just a minute.” Ali said.

Normally Ali would know that waking Ash up in the middle of a deep sleep was no time to talk, but she had remembered a detail from earlier that she had yet to get the answer to.

“Ashhhhhhhh, wake uuuuuuuuuup.” Ali said and shook her wife.

Ashlyn woke up in startled state, thinking that her wife was in trouble. “What?” She asked and sat up straight. She looked over Ali to make sure she wasn’t bleeding or injured in some way.

Ali apologized immediately. “Baby, sorry that I startled you. I was just wondering what was in the envelope that Lexi gave you.”

Ashlyn looked at her wife like she was crazy. “Why didn’t you just look and see for yourself? Why do you always have to wake me up?”

Ali hummed and said, “I guess I didn’t think about that. Sorry.”

Ash laid back down and groaned. She rolled onto her side so that her back was facing her wife and said, “It’s a gift certificate to get my Jeep waxed and detailed.”

“That girl knows what you like.” Ali replied. Now she understood why ASh and Lex had shared a laugh when Ashlyn opened the envelope. Ash was doing the very thing that Lexi had gotten her a certificate for. After some thought Ali tapped Ashlyn’s hip and said, “Maybe we should get my car detailed too.”

Ash tiredly rolled her eyes and answered, “You need to worry about making sure PHASE 2 of the plan works out. Don’t worry about your car.”

“Don’t worry about your car...” Ali mockingly repeated her wife's words. She pressed her front against Ashlyn’s backside and whispered in her ear, “You should know that I already have my side of things done for PHASE 2. I finished that before you even got started on PHASE 1.”

“Of course you did...”


	237. One Kiss Closer (Part Four)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a FLASHFORWARD chapter.

“Hey ugly, what are you doing here?” Lexi asked her brother, who was used to her playful insults. He had let himself in, which was normal, but usually he announced himself before entering.

Sam rubbed the back of his neck and Lexi noticed he seemed a little off compared to his usual demeanor, but she assumed it was probably all in her mind. She had been on an emotional roller coaster lately and wouldn’t put it past her tendency to worry about trivial things.

“I was stopping by to see Charlie.” He said as he sat down on his sister’s couch.

Lexi eyed him suspiciously and asked, “Does she know that you’re coming? She isn’t here.”

“Really?” Sam replied. “Hmm...I guess I can get going then.” Samuel stretched his right leg out and Lexi heard a popping noise. He slowly got up from his seat and made his way to the door.

“Sammy, are you ok?” Lexi asked in concern.

“Yeah, why?” He answered.

Lexi pointed to his leg and said, “You’re limping.”

“Oh, no worries. It’s just a little sore from earlier. I was having a little too much fun playing basketball with the guys.”

Lexi rolled her eyes and said, “You’re not getting any younger. You might need to slow down a little bit.”

Sam forced a laugh and said, “Yeah, right.”

...

Charlie was feeling great for the first time since she had been diagnosed with pneumonia. It took a few weeks, but she was finally able to move around and do every day things without immediately getting tired. Lexi had loosened up on her over protective ways, and they both decided together that she should return to work and normal life.

Charlie was grateful for Lexi’s concern, but it was getting old having to have a ‘baby sitter’ whenever Lexi had to do something out of the apartment. Charlie had big plans and she wanted to keep them a secret. Having to get Lexi’s approval for every little thing she wanted to do was making it impossible.

After Sam left Lexi called her girlfriend. She knew it was long shot getting a hold of her. Charlie was at her studio ‘being creative’ as Lexi liked to put it. That often meant that she would spend hours and hours working on all different sorts of art projects. According to Charlie, it had felt like an eternity since she had been able to let her creative juices flow and it was causing her to die inside. Charlie said it as a joke, but the truth was that she was always happier when she could express herself through her art.

Just as Lexi had expected, her girlfriend's voicemail picked up. She left a short message letting her know that Sam had stopped by to see her and that he left as soon as he found out she wasn’t around. After hanging up, Lexi thought more and more about her brother’s behavior. It seemed strange that he left so quickly. She started questioning herself, wondering if she had done something wrong.

The more she thought about it, the more she determined that she was going to find out what was going on with Samuel.

...

Ali loudly cleared her throat as she stood behind her wife, who was standing in their kitchen wearing only a sports bra and boy shorts, drinking juice right out of the bottle. Ash froze in place for a few seconds, knowing that she had been caught, but then went right back to drinking.

“Ash, how many times have I asked you to get a glass? You backwash in the bottle. Nobody wants to drink your spit.” Ali lectured.

Ashlyn removed the bottle from her lips and said, “You drink my spit every time we kiss, babe.” Ash smiled and took another sip.

“You’re disgusting. Now I never want to kiss you again.” Ali threatened in mocking. She winked at her wife and then took the juice from her and poured a small glass for her wife.

When Ali handed Ash the glass Ashlyn said, “I was done drinking.” She pushed the glass back towards Ali and left the kitchen.

Ali smiled and shook her head at her crazy wife. She followed her to their bedroom, drinking Ashlyn’s cup of juice as she watched her get dressed. Ali smiled with gratitude. In even the simplest of ways, Ashlyn was always able to make her laugh or put a smile on her face.

Ash had yet to catch her wife staring at her like a teenager in love. When she turned around she was pulling her shirt down over her head and once her eyes were cleared of the fabric she saw her wife...standing in the doorway, staring at her, while sipping on apple juice.

“What?” Ash asked. Her wife looked like she was daydreaming. But she wasn’t. She was appreciating the real world. Her reality was better than a dream.

Ali answered, “Nothing....” She sauntered towards her wife and took another sip from the glass. “I was just admiring my beautiful wife.”

“And now you’re drinking my spit.” Ash joked while nodding toward the beverage her wife was holding.

“I hear that’s practically the same thing as kissing. So...” Ali stepped up on the tips of her toes and gave her wife a peck on the lips.

“You’re a big dork.” Ash said before giving Ali another kiss.

Ali playfully pinched Ashlyn’s side and informed her that she was the biggest dork of all.

Once the two had stopped laughing and making fun of each other, Ashlyn changed the subject. “Babe, have you taken care of your _PHASE_ yet?”

“Sweetheart, my _PHASE_ was done before you even started _PHASE 1_ with Charlie. I gave her their itinerary and traveling information weeks ago.” Ali answered proudly with her hands on her hips. “Admit it, I’m the best!”

“NEVER!!!!” Ash declared as she put her arms around Ali’s butt and picked her up.

“Baby, careful! Don’t spill the juice!”

“You care way to much about the juice.” Ash answered. She carefully set Ali down and abandoned her plan to throw her wife’s body onto their bed. “Anyway, all you had to do was sit at a computer and type. Your _PHASE_ was way easier than mine. Jake and I had to paint an entire wall with Charlie. I think that deserves way more credit than your ability to organize a little trip.”

Ashlyn and Charlie had figured out a way to plan out the perfect proposal without Lexi being able to find out through Charlie’s checkbook. Lexi wasn’t snooping around her bank records for her own curiosity's sake, it was something that Charlie had asked her to do to help her stay organized. However, it made some things difficult, like buying a ring and planning a trip without Lexi knowing about it.

When Ash and Ali offered to help, Charlie made it clear that she would be paying for everything, but that it would take a little creativity to make it happen without her girlfriend getting suspicious. The first part of the plan was to paint a mural for a jewelry store owner that had the perfect ring for Lexi. When Charlie was diagnosed with pneumonia, Lex’s extra protectiveness almost ruined her plan. Lexi watched Charlie like a hawk. Ashlyn and Jacob came through by not only telling Lexi that they would keep an eye on Charlie, but also by helping her finish the large project that purchased the ring without taking money from her checking account.

 _PHASE 2_ involved Ali coordinating a trip to New York that Charlie could reimburse her for once the time had arrived for them to leave. She wanted to keep it a secret for as long as she could.

Both of Lexi’s parents were happy to help in the process however they could. Lexi had never been so happy in her life, and Charlie was the one to thank for that.

...

“Baby, where are you?” Lexi said, skipping the usual pleasantries at the start of a phone call.

Charlie laughed at her girlfriend and said, “I’m home. Where are you?”

“You are not home. I’m home.” Lex argued.

Charlie laughed again at her girlfriend and answered, “Babe, I’m in the parking lot. I’ll be up in a sec.”

Charlie quickened her pace, knowing that Lexi was eager to see her. Her girlfriend was waiting at the door for her. She opened it before Charlie had a chance to get her hand on the handle.

“Hey...” Lexi greeted and grabbed the messenger bag off of Charlie’s shoulder. “Baby, I’ve been waiting to talk to you all day.” Lex explained.

“Ok.” Charlie answered. She put one finger to Lexi’s lips and said, “But first...” She closed the space between them and kissed her lips. She pulled away with a smile and said, “You were saying?”

Lexi felt slightly dizzy from the sweet gesture. Her girlfriend made her head spin. “Let’s do that again.” She said and pulled Charlie into a more passionate kiss. She sighed against her girlfriend's lips and smiled. “I love you.”

“So, did you miss me or what?” Charlie teased. She held Lexi by the waist and kept their waists pressed together.

Lexi rested her hands on her girlfriend’s shoulders and nodded that she did miss her. She took one last chance to savor the intimate moment and rested her head on Charlie’s shoulder. She kissed her gently on the neck and said, “I wanted to talk to you about Samuel.”

“What’s up with Sam?” Charlie asked. She kept her hands on Lexi’s waist, but loosened her grip. She sat down in a nearby chair and pulled Lexi down on top of her lap. Lexi laid her head down on Charlie’s shoulder again and shared what was on her heart.

“He said you forgot about him today. Did you have something planned?”

“No. I am positive we didn’t have anything planned today. Today was my first day back to work. There’s no way I would have scheduled something with anyone today.” Charlie answered.

“That’s what I thought.” Lex said. “But Samuel said that he was stopping by to see you, and then when you weren’t here he left.”

“Babe, I don’t know why he would say that. I promise I didn’t have anything planned with him.” Charlie added.

Lexi replied sadly, “I’m worried about him. Something doesn’t feel right.”

“What do you mean?”

“I stopped by his apartment today to check on him and when I went inside it felt different.” Lexi said. She held her girlfriend a little tighter seeking comfort. “There’s a heaviness there. It feels darker. I don’t know how to explain it. All I know is that I’m really worried about him.”

Charlie kissed the top of her girlfriend's head and said, “I’m sorry, Lex. Is there anything I can do to help?”

“Well...” Lexi hesitated.

“Well...what?” Charlie asked.

“I was thinking maybe you could talk to him. He came here to see you. He left as soon as I told him you weren’t here. I mean, maybe he would rather talk to you.” Lex said.

“I doubt that.”

Lexi picked her head up from Charlie’s shoulder and replied, “Well, there’s only one way to find out.”

...

Sam heard two knocks on his door. He rubbed his eyes and yawned as he slowly made his way to the door. Charlie had already started to walk back to her car when he finally opened the door.

“What are you doing here?” Samuel asked.

Samuel’s voice startled Charlie, causing her to jump. “You scared the crap out of me.” She said and walked back towards the apartment. “Do you have a few minutes?”

“Sure.” Sam answered and held the door open for her to walk through.

Charlie set down her bag and took in the state of the apartment. She could see what Lexi was talking about. It was clear Samuel wasn’t taking care of himself. There were take out containers lying all over the place. His floor was covered in laundry and for some reason it looked like he was sleeping on his couch instead of in his bed.

“What are you doing here?” Sam asked, interrupting Charlie’s thoughts of Lexi’s worry.

“Oh...uh...um...” Charlie stuttered. “Heck, you already know I’m a terrible liar.”

“Yes, I do.” Sam replied.

Charlie offered a small smile before saying, “Lexi is worried about you.”

“Why didn’t she come over herself?” Sam asked.

Charlie shrugged and answered, “I honestly don’t know.” She noticed that her answer seemed to sadden Samuel. She was trying to put together the unspoken clues that Sam was giving, but she didn’t have enough information. “Sooooo, you wanna talk about it?”

“About what?” Sam asked. He wasn’t going to make this easy. He actually had no desire to open up to anyone about what he had been feeling lately.

“Sam, you know what...You’re sister is worried about you. She thinks we need to find you a girlfriend.”

In Sam’s mind that was the worst thing Charlie could say.

“Why do people always assume that finding someone is the answer to all of their problems?” Sam asked in frustration. “The problem isn’t that I don’t have a girlfriend. The problem is me.” Samuel swallowed hard, hating himself for letting his emotions get the better of him. He thought to himself that he should have kept his mouth shut.

“What are you talking about?” Charlie asked. “There’s nothing wrong with you.”

“Forget it.” Sam answered, “Forget I said anything.”

The mood felt awkward and uncomfortable. Charlie had no idea what to say. There was more going on, but Samuel wasn’t willing to share. She didn’t want to let her girlfriend down, but she also didn’t want to overstep her role as Sam’s friend. She went to her bag that she had dropped by the front door, and brought it back to where they had been talking. She opened it up and pulled out a small canvas.

Charlie handed the picture to Samuel and said, “This is for you.”

“What is this?” He asked, as he took the gift from the artist.

“It’s a dancer.” Charlie said, stating the obvious. She had painted a graceful ballerina who’s movements left streams of colors. “It’s Lex.” Charlie added.

Sam took in a breath and became noticeable emotional. He chewed on his bottom lip, trying to pull himself together. Charlie felt like she had been given another clue regarding Sam’s recent behavior.

“You know, there’s another reason why I’m here. It’s not just because Lexi asked me to come.” Charlie stated in as upbeat of a tone as she could.

Sam didn’t respond. He stayed quiet as he stared at the painting in his hands.

“I wanted to talk to you about proposing to your sister. I wanted to get your blessing.”

Samuel was surprised by the topic change. He knew that the woman had already spoken to his parents. He didn’t expect her to ask him.

Charlie continued, “You see, as much as I love your sister I know that I am not her first love. She had a soul mate long before I ever came on the scene.”

Sam’s confusion was evident on his face. He knew all of Lexi’s exes and none of them deserved to be called her ‘soul mate.’

Charlie further explained her words. “Sam, YOU were her first love. You are her soul mate.”

Sam furrowed his brow and finally replied to her, “You’re talking crazy. I’m not...” He couldn’t even say out loud what he thought the woman was trying to say.

“Samuel, I’m not talking about romantic soul mates. I’m talking about how you and her have a special connection...”

Charlie noticed that as she explained, Sam’s eyes started to water. He put his head down and stared at the ballerina on the canvas that represented his big sister.

Charlie continued, “You two will always have something special that no one, not even me, can ever take away or change.”

She stretched her hand out toward Samuel and placed it over his as he continued to grip the painting. “Sam...” She whispered. “Lexi still needs you. I could never replace you. I could never take her away from you...and I would never want to. Because my goal is to keep her happy, and the only way that is even possible is with you in her life.”

Sam pulled his hand away from her’s and covered his eyes. He could no longer hide his tears. Sam’s life had changed drastically in the last several months. He was physically injured, his job was in question because of it, and now his sister was starting a new adventure...without him.

“You probably think I’m pathetic.” Sam said softly.

“Of course not.”

Sam wiped at his eyes with his sleeve and said, “You’re good for her. I’m glad you’re the one that’s gonna end up with her.” Sam stood up abruptly and handed the woman back her artwork. “You should give this to Lex. I’ll be fine.”

Charlie didn’t know what to do. It was obvious that Sam was done talking and it also felt like he wanted her to leave. She made her way to the door to go, but turned just before she got there. She made sure to get eye contact with her girlfriend’s brother before saying, “I don’t know if it’s my place to say this or not, but I know that it would break your sister’s heart to know that you’re hurting and not telling her about it.”

“Lex doesn’t need to worry about me anymore.” Sam replied. “You make sure you tell her that I’m ok. If you can do that, then you have my blessing.”

Charlie nodded slowly and wordlessly let herself out. She felt like she had let both Samuel and Lexi down.

...

“Hello, honey.”

“Honey?” Lexi repeated in surprise. “You never call me _honey_.”

Charlie patted the shorter brunette on the head and said, “I’m trying it out. What do you think?”

“I think you’re not the type to say, _honey_.” Lex answered her surfer girlfriend.

Charlie winked at her and replied, “Maybe I am the type of person that says it when I’m saying it to you.”

“Aww...that was sweet.” Lexi cooed. “Babe, you can call me whatever you want.”

“Thanks, baby cakes.”

“Uh, yeah you can’t call me that.” Lex said. “You may be sweet, but that just sounds gross.” Lexi loved the banter back and forth but she had other things on her mind. “How’s Sam? Did he say what was bothering him?”

“It’s complicated.” Charlie answered. On one hand, she knew Sam could use his sister’s help. On the other hand, Samuel specifically told her not to say anything to Lexi. His blessing for her upcoming proposal was based on her keeping her mouth shut.

Lexi tilted her head and furrowed her brow. “You aren’t going to get away with telling me anything other than exactly what he said.” Lexi demanded.

“Babe, he asked me not to say...but...” Charlie felt she had no other option but to do what was best for Samuel. “...I can lead you in the right direction. I think he needs you, Lex. He’s having a hard time.”

“What’s going on?”

“I can’t tell you what he said to me. I want him to know he can trust me....but I can tell you what your mother told me yesterday. She asked if you knew that his doctor recommended that he find a new job. His leg will never completely heal.” Charlie explained. Ali had told her that the last time they had spoken about the proposal plan. Samuel had let it slip to Ashlyn during their adventure ride weeks ago.

“No...I didn’t know.” Lexi answered. “I mean...I guess I should’ve asked him. I was so worried about you and your pneumonia that I didn’t think to ask how his leg was doing. Why didn’t he tell me?”

“Because he loves you.” Charlie answered. “I’m not going to tell you what he said, but I can tell you that I know what it’s like to lose someone close to me.” Lexi wasn’t quite sure what her girlfriend was getting at, but she knew it had to do with her brother so she didn’t interrupt. “When I lost my dad, I lost my best friend. Its not the same, but it sort of is...”

Lexi replied, “Baby, I’m sorry about your dad, but I’m not really following you. Who has Sam lost?”

Charlie got an idea. She went to her bag and pulled out the picture she had given to Samuel. “I painted this for you today. I don’t know. I guess I thought it might help Sam, so I offered it to him.”

“It’s beautiful.” Lexi said as she took in the painting. She gently grazed her fingers over the strokes and patterns of the paint.

“It’s you.” Charlie clarified. “I went to work and all I could think about was you. So, I painted this.” The moment between the women was sweet, but Charlie had to stay focused on the conversation at hand. “Anyway, I gave it to him and he started crying.”

Lexi’s eyes shot up from the painting to Charlie’s sympathetic gaze. “Sammy cried?”

Charlie nodded in confirmation.

“I am only guessing, but I think that your brother feels that you don’t need him anymore. I think it’s my fault...”

Charlie said a few more things, but Lexi didn’t hear them. She was focused on the thought of her brother crying over a picture of her. Lexi’s girlfriend had noticed that she wasn’t listening to her. Charlie stopped talking and waited for Lex to work through her thoughts.

After several minutes of silence Lexi asked, “Should I go see him?”

Charlie didn’t have time to answer. Lexi answered herself. She looked at her watch and said, “It’s late. I’ll wait until morning.”

...

Charlie wasn’t surprised when she heard her girlfriend try to quietly leave their bed in the middle of the night. Her suspicions were confirmed when Lex quietly whispered, “I’m going to Sam’s.” Lex kissed Charlie before rushing to check on her brother.

...

Lexi had time to clean Sam’s apartment and do his laundry while her brother slept. Sam was passed out on his couch with a bottle of prescribed sleeping medication on the floor next to him. After all the cleaning, laundry, and some big sister snooping had been done, Lexi sat waiting in a chair and watched her brother sleep. He hadn’t moved since she had arrived. She assumed it was because of the medication, but she couldn’t be certain until her brother woke up. Lex carefully watched her brother’s chest rise up and down to make sure he was breathing. She knew she was being paranoid, but until she knew what was wrong with her brother she couldn’t relax.

Lexi spent most of the morning texting her girlfriend, waiting for Samuel to wake up. She was worried and tired, but there was no way she could rest without knowing that her brother was all right. When Sam finally started to move she heard a quiet groan. He rubbed his leg while still partially unconscious. It was only a few minutes after that until he woke up fully. His pain had become his alarm clock.

With his eyes still closed he reached for his sleeping pills. He fumbled around until his hand found something other than the medication bottle. His eyes shot open and he balled his hand up in a fist ready to fight.

When he saw that it was Lexi’s hand that he had felt, he exhaled in relief and said, “What the crap, Lex?” He adjusted his blanket to cover up his boxer shorts and said, “Why are you here? Why are you watching me sleep?”

“Ok, first of all...” Lexi replied. “I’ve seen you in your underwear before. You’re not exactly shy. So, chill. And second of all, I’m worried about you.”

Sam wrapped himself up in his blanket more to cover his bare chest and said, “What did Charlie tell you?”

“She wouldn’t tell me anything, except that you needed me.”

Sam gingerly stood up, making sure to keep the blanket around him, and joked, “Don’t look at my butt.” He looked for the pile of clothes that had been taking residence on his floor, but his search was futile.

“I washed your clothes. They are now folded and put away. I know that’s a shocking place for your stuff to be, but I figure you can handle it.” Lexi said sarcastically. She waited in her chair and texted with Charlie to give her an update of her brothers consciousness while Sam put on clean clothes.

“So why are you here, dummy?” Sam asked as he pulled his t-shirt over his head. “I assume it’s not because you wanted to clean up after me.”

“You were asleep and it was gross in here.” Lex answered. “But you’re right. I did come here for another reason.”

Without any other explanation she grabbed her brother and embraced him. At first he pulled away, but she kept holding on. Samuel was more than strong enough to escape her hold, but he wasn’t really trying to. He didn’t want her to let go.

Lexi held him tight for a few minutes until she let go. She grabbed his shoulders and shook him and cried, “Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you say anything?”  
 Samuel’s face was stoic as he watched his sister fall apart. She started to cry and he became the one holding her.

“I wanted you to be happy.” Sam answered softly. “I didn’t want to disappoint you.”

Lexi dried her eyes on Sam’s shirt and asked, “Why would you think you would disappoint me?”

“Because I want you to be happy. Things are going really well for you. I don’t want to ruin things for you.” Sam answered. “Besides, everybody expects certain things from me. I just don’t feel up to it most days anymore.”

“What does that mean? You don’t have to act a certain way. We’re family. Just be honest.” Lex answered. “We’ll love you no matter what....I’ll always love you.”

Sam pulled away from his sister and rubbed the back of his neck in frustration. He didn’t have the words to explain to Lexi why he had kept quiet for so long.

“Sammy, you’re allowed to have a bad day. No one expects you to never need help or encouragement.” Lexi replied. She reached for her brother’s hand but he pulled it away before she could take it. “Samuel, why are you pulling away from me?” Lexi asked. “And why didn’t you tell me about what your doctor said?”

“I already told you. It’s because I want you to be happy. I don’t want my situation to ruin things for you.”

“Is this about Charlie? I thought you liked her.”

Samuel not only liked Charlie, he loved her. He knew what was coming for his sister and her soon-to-be fiance. He wanted this time to be about Lexi and her happiness, not about him and his unhappiness.

“I think she’s great. She’s really good for you. You both deserve each other.” Sam answered.

“Then why are you avoiding me?”

“I’ve already told you...three times now. I want you to be happy. I don’t want to be a huge bummer when things are going so well for you.”

“But Sammy, my life can’t be happy without you in it.”

Sam scoffed and said, “I think you’ve been doing just fine without me.”

Sam’s response was not like anything Lexi had ever experienced with him before. Sam was not himself. He almost sounded bitter.

“I’m calling Mom.” Lexi announced as she took out her phone.

Sam grabbed for the cell phone and said, “Are you telling on me? Seriously, Lex? Are you like 5 years old?”

“Sammy, you need help. I don’t know what else to do. You won’t let me in. I have no other option but to get Mom and Mama involved!” Lex answered. She grabbed her phone back from Samuel and added, “Besides, if I was 5 I would just sit on you until you did what I wanted you to do.”

“You’re so annoying! I’m a grown man, Lex. We’re past the age when you can tell our parents about me and get me in trouble.” Sam replied. He figured that his sister was only threatening to involve their parents to get him to open up. He wasn’t going to give her the satisfaction of fooling him.

Lexi called his bluff...and then she called their mother.

Sam heard his mother’s voice answer. He whispered to Lexi to hang up. He threatened to ‘make her pay’ but she didn’t seem too worried.

Lex muted the phone so Ali couldn’t hear her and said, “You have to promise to have dinner with me at least once a week. You can’t cancel or make up excuses to miss.”

“Fine.” Sam whispered angrily.

Lexi quickly added, “And you have to be honest with me when you’re feeling bad, or I’m telling Mom on you....And you know how she can be.”

The last thing Samuel wanted was for his mother to hover around him protectively and ask a million questions about his feelings. He answered in desperation, “Yes, fine. Just hang up!”

Lexi made up an excuse and hung up with their mother. Sam hated that his sister had outsmarted him, but deep down he was glad that she still cared.

...

Ali struggled to open the front door with her hands full of grocery bags. She finally managed to open it and awkwardly made her way to the kitchen, while she called out for some help from her wife. Ashlyn was home, she knew that from the Jeep that was parked in the driveway, but she heard no response.

“Baby, I need y...” Ali called out, but stopped herself when she saw her wife and son staring mindlessly at the television.

Jamie was slouched down on the couch leaning against his mother’s side. Both he and Ash wore the same super focused, yet zoned out to the rest of the world, look on their face. The two were engrossed in a documentary about sharks and other oceanic creatures. Ali watched them in wonder for several minutes. She still got a kick out of the similarities between the two.

When the documentary took a commercial break, the spell that Ash and Jamie were under had broken and Ali took advantage.

“Baby, can you two please help carry in the groceries?” Ali asked.

Ashlyn was surprised to see her wife was home. “When did you get home?”

“A few minutes ago. I even called for you a couple of times, but you were both oblivious.” Ali explained as Jamie gave her the usual Krieger-Harris family greeting, which was a hug and kiss.

“Sorry, babe. I had no idea.” Ash apologized and followed their son in hugging and kissing Ali.

“It’s fine.” Ali said as she watched their son leave immediately to get the groceries she had spoken about. “He’s such a good boy.” Ali said quietly to her wife.

“Yup.” Ash answered. She sensed her wife was feeling sentimental so she held her for a few extra seconds.

Ali suddenly remembered her daughter’s phone call from earlier. “Baby, did Lex call you?”

“Nope.” Ash answered. “Why?”

“Because she called me but acted really strange. I think I heard someone else with her. I was just wondering if she had done the same to you.”

“Nah, I haven’t heard from her. It was probably Charlie that you heard with her.” Ash reasoned.

“Probably.”

Ali’s curiosity and natural tendency to worry wouldn’t let her dismiss the call so easily. After her wife and son had brought in all the groceries, she hurried to put them all away so that she could check on her daughter.

...

When Ali arrived at her daughter’s apartment, Charlie was the only one there. She welcomed her inside and Ali noticed a wad of papers on the table. It was unlike Lexi to leave any form of clutter on display. She assumed she had interrupted Charlie when she was sorting through the pile.

Charlie saw where Ali’s eyes were and confirmed Ali’s suspicions. “I just started back at work. There are a lot of financial things that I need to figure out.”

Ali smiled, slightly humored by the woman’s confession.

“Lex hates when I let things pile up.” Charlie confessed. She went back to separating the wrinkled up paper into piles. One pile was several un-cashed checks. Ali could only imagine the lecture her daughter was going to give the unorganized artist.

“I came to check on Lexi. Have you heard from her?” Ali asked.

Charlie stopped what she was doing and gave her girlfriend’s mother her full attention. She was worried something was wrong with her girlfriend. “I talked to her a few minutes ago. She’s on her way home. Why? Did she tell you something?” Charlie asked.

“No, she just acted weird on a phone call earlier.”

“Oh, yeah...I know what that’s about.” Charlie answered. She added, “She was trying to get Sam to tell her something.”

“Oh...So, everything’s ok?”

Charlie nodded and answered, “Yeah. She’s fine.”

Ali sighed loudly and said, “I know it sounds ridiculous, but it doesn’t matter how old your children get. You never stop worrying about them. On the way over her I was picturing her being kidnapped and stuffed into the trunk of a car.”

Charlie couldn’t help but laugh. “That’s terrible!”

“I know!” Ali replied. “But love makes you do and think crazy things.”

Charlie smiled in agreement. “Speaking of love and doing crazy things...” Charlie replied, “...tonight’s the night.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think there will be one more chapter of this storyline. But who knows....


	238. One Kiss Closer (Part Five)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a FLASHFORWARD chapter.

“Hey.” Charlie said and greeted her girlfriend with a chaste kiss. “You just missed your Mom.”

Lexi replied with a pout and asked, “My mom was here and then left without seeing me?”

“She was worried that you had gotten kidnapped or something.” Charlie answered with a smile. She added, “Apparently you freaked her out when you called her and hung up on her.”

Lexi laughed at her mother’s dramatic imagination and then stopped when she remembered she was the exact same way.

“So, Sam’s doing ok?” Charlie asked.

Lexi shrugged. She wasn’t completely able to say that her brother was ok. 

Charlie saw her girlfriend’s bottom lip tremble, so she stepped in close to hold her. She rubbed her back and said, “He’s gonna be ok, ya know?”

Lexi didn’t answer. Instead she burrowed her head into Charlie’s chest and sighed. Charlie peppered Lexi’s head with kisses and whispered soothing encouragement in her ear until she calmed down.

“I love you.” Lex whispered. “You’re just what I needed after an emotional day.”

“Sounds like you could use a break.” Charlie answered. She led her girlfriend by the hand to their couch and pulled her down into her lap. “I might have just what you need.”

Lexi raised an eyebrow, thinking she knew what her girlfriend was insinuating. She was surprised when Charlie didn’t try to put the moves on her.

“I bought us plane tickets.” Charlie blurted out. She was more nervous than she thought she’d be. She would’ve liked to ease her girlfriend into the idea but her suave charm was no where to be found. She was an anxious basket case. For Lexi the offer to get away would be a quick trip to New York. To Charlie it was the biggest moment in her life until her wedding day.

Lexi leaned back enough to take in the look on her girlfriend's face. She felt like she was acting strange.

Charlie continued to explain, “It’s a 3 day trip to New York. I already talked to your boss. He said it was ok.”

“You spoke to my boss?” Lexi asked. She was working at a prestigious law firm.

“Yeah, he loves you, by the way.” Charlie answered. “Anyway, it’s gonna be great, babe. I have it all planned out.” Charlie was getting more and more excited about the trip as she continued to explain. However, once she slowed down to hear her girlfriend's response, she realized that maybe she had made a mistake.

“Baby, that’s so sweet. I would love to go with you. It’s just...” Lexi paused. She felt bad for what she was about to say and wondered if she should bite her tongue. Unfortunately, she continued her thought. “It’s just that with Samuel, I don’t think this is a good time to leave him. I mean, he seems more open to talking now and I can tell he really needs me.”

Charlie lost the ability to speak for a brief moment. She thought she had planned the perfect getaway and taken care of all the details. Never could she have guessed that Lexi wouldn’t want to go.

“Yeah...” Charlie said, trying to sound upbeat. “...sure. No problem.” She awkwardly stood to her feet, gently nudging Lexi off of her lap.

Lexi reached out for Charlie’s hand and stopped her from walking away. “Hey, I’m sorry if you’re disappointed. I would normally go without a second thought, but I’m worried about Sam.”

“It’s fine. Really. It’s good for you to stay and help your brother.”

Charlie did the best she could to keep from showing that she was not only disappointed, but also hurt by Lexi’s rejection of her invitation.

...

“Charlie isn’t texting me back.” Ali complained.

Ashlyn patted her wife on the back and said, “She’s probably busy.”

“But I want to know how everything went tonight. I want to know how excited Lexi was when she told her about the trip.” Ali answered. She anxiously bounced her knee up and down as she sat next to her wife on their couch.

Ashlyn put her arm around Ali and pulled her into her side and said, “They’re coming over for dinner tomorrow. I’m sure you will survive having to wait until then to find out.”

“I don’t know about that.” Ali answered. She didn’t know if she would be able to fall asleep without hearing back from Charlie.

...

Ali finally did fall asleep, but it was only because Charlie sent her a quick text that said she would talk to her about it in the morning. Ali assumed that her daughter and Charlie were celebrating and she didn’t want to know any of the details involved with that.

The next afternoon Ali received a text from her daughter stating that Charlie wouldn’t be able to make it to dinner because of work. Ali was disappointed, but knew she could get the information she wanted from Lexi.

That night when Lexi showed up to the family dinner without Charlie, no one but Sam questioned her. “Where’s Charles?” Sam asked, using one of his many nicknames for the woman.

“Charl-ie...” Lexi answered emphasizing the last syllable, “...is at work.”

“She works this late? Isn’t she the boss and can make her own hours?” Sam asked.

“She makes her own hours, but as an artist she has to work whenever she’s inspired.” Lexi explained. “She sometimes works 20 hours straight. It’s just the way she is. You of all people should understand that.”

“Ok. So, she’s gonna get off for this weekend, right?” Sam asked.

Lexi was surprised by the question. She didn’t know her brother knew about Charlie’s surprise trip. “No, actually...we aren’t going.” She replied.

Sam, knowing the full details of the trip knew that it wasn’t Charlie who canceled. “Why aren’t you going?” Sam asked, sounding a little frustrated.

“We have to work.” Lexi lied.

Sam didn’t hold back when answering, “You are such a liar. She made sure you didn’t have to work, and I know there’s no way she would plan something with you and then bail. What’s the real reason?” Sam asked in an accusing tone.

“Sammy, I already told you we have to work. I don’t appreciate being called a liar.” Lexi replied. There was no way she was going to tell him it was because she was worried about leaving him.

“Your girlfriend planned a romantic trip for you and you said, ‘no.’ I bet she doesn’t even have to work. She’s probably just avoiding being here with us after how you treated her.” Sam replied.

Lexi stopped arguing with her brother and considered what he had said. Could Charlie be hurt because of her?

She didn’t even bother finishing her conversation with Sam. She muttered, “I have to go” as she left her family’s dinner to find her girlfriend.

...

Lexi let herself into the locked art studio that her girlfriend owned. Charlie had given her a key a couple of months after they started dating. She often dropped things off or picked things up for her girlfriend.

As she walked through the dark showroom to the back of the studio where her girlfriend’s private workspace was, she sighed in relief when she saw a light shining through the cracks of the door. She had been worried that Charlie had made up the story about having to work. She thought her brother was right and that she had hurt her girlfriend. The fact that she was working confirmed that everything was fine.

Lexi thought about turning around and going back to her family’s dinner and telling Samuel he was wrong, but something inside of her told her she should stay. Something told her to check on Charlie.

Lexi knocked lightly on the door to announce her presence and let herself in. Charlie was covered in paint and had big headphones on. She had no idea Lexi had come in. Lexi watched for several minutes as Charlie painted. Her lips formed a smile, like they did so many times before when she saw Charlie work. She was so proud of her artist. Charlie’s talent was inspiring and challenging all at the same time.

Her smile quickly fell when she saw Charlie’s head dip and her hand come up to wipe her eyes. She realized that her girlfriend was crying.

Lexi didn’t want to scare her girlfriend. She knew that walking up behind her and touching her would startle her and maybe even cause her to mess up the painting she was working on. But she couldn’t stay away either. She carefully approached the woman from behind and lightly tapped on her shoulder. As expected, Charlie jumped. Thankfully she didn’t have the paint brush anywhere near the canvas when she did.

When Charlie turned around she saw her girlfriend, who had started crying the moment she realized she had hurt her. Charlie quickly took off her headphones and asked with great concern, “What’s wrong?”

Lexi didn’t answer right away. She pulled Charlie into a hug and cried into the crook of her neck.

“Babe, what is it?” Charlie whispered. She was no longer thinking about herself. She was worried about her girlfriend.

“You would tell me if I hurt you, right?” Lexi asked as Charlie wiped the tears from her cheeks and eyes.

Charlie didn’t know how to answer Lexi’s question. She didn’t want to lie to her because she NEVER wanted to lie to her, but she also didn’t want to tell her the truth because the truth would hurt her.

She chose to avoid the question and ask her own. “Lex, why are you crying?”

“Charlotte, I need you to be honest with me. Have I hurt you?”

Lexi’s tone was serious, even though her voice was shaking.

“Babe, please don’t cry.” Charlie replied softly. She swallowed hard, hoping to stall just a little bit longer.

Lexi stepped back and removed herself from her girlfriend's arms.

Charlie knew there was no way to get out of this. “Lex, I would rather I hurt than you hurt.”

“So, I did hurt you.” Lexi replied, seeking confirmation.

“I was disappointed that you didn’t want to go to New York with me. But you had a good reason not to want to go. I was...” Charlie had to pause to take a breath. How could she explain to Lexi why it hurt so much without revealing her plans?

“Sweetheart, I want to go. I really do. It’s so sweet of you to plan a romantic getaway. I was just worried about Samuel. But apparently he’s ticked off at me for canceling with you. So...” Lexi pulled on the front of Charlie’s shirt and said, “I think we should go.”

“Really?” Charlie asked. The thought of getting the chance to go through with the proposal brought more tears to the artist’s eyes. Lexi at first thought that she had something else to apologize for, but she soon realized they were a different sort of tears.

“Really.” Lexi replied.

Charlie picked Lex up and spun her around a few times before sealing the deal with a kiss. She set her down and said, “This is gonna be a great trip. I think you’re gonna really love it.”

“I already know I’m gonna love it.”

...

Charlie’s jaw dropped. She felt her whole body become completely still. Her lungs stopped breathing. Her girlfriend's beauty seemed to fill up the room and overwhelmed her senses. “You are beautiful.” Charlie softly whispered once she regained the ability to speak.

Lexi smiled sweetly and replied, “So are you.”

The two of them were finishing up getting ready in their hotel room for their big date night. Charlie wore a classic tight fitting little black dress with black heels and Lexi wore a flowing red evening gown.

Lexi teased, “You clean up good, baby.”

Charlie held out her hand and said, “I still have a little paint under my nails, but I did the best I could.”

Lexi kissed her girlfriend’s fingertips and replied, “I like the paint. It’s part of who you are.” She pulled Charlie in towards her and they shared a kiss...or more like 10 kisses, before leaving for their date.

After dinner the couple found their seats at Lexi’s favorite ballet production. Charlie and Ali were able to track down a showing in New York City after Charlie and Lex missed their chance to see it closer to home. Charlie had planned everything out perfectly, but an inconvenient case of pneumonia had thrown a wrench into her careful planning and tight schedule of events. Thankfully Charlie had the support of Lexi’s family. They had all made great efforts to make the proposal as perfect as possible for Lexi and Charlie.

“Did you know that I was in a low budget college production of this?” Lexi asked as she looked over the program for the evening’s show.

Charlie smiled slightly as she answered, “No. I had no idea. All I knew was that it was your favorite.”

“Yeah, I was super busy with school and debating whether or not to give up dancing, but it was when I saw that we would do this ballet that I decided to stick with it for one more semester. Mama took me to see it when I was 5 or 6...Anyway, I loved it. My whole family filled up the front row. This production means a lot to me. Thank you for being so thoughtful and bringing me.” Lexi said and reached for Charlie’s hand.

She held it the entire time.

...

_FLASHBACK_

_“My precious little girl.” Charlie’s dad muttered quietly from his hospital bed._

_His daughter had fallen asleep in the chair next to him. He heard the sounds of beeping and whirring from the machines he was hooked up to. The machines that were keeping him alive. His daughter had not left his side since the doctor gave the grave report that he had a few days left...a week at the most._

_He was no longer in pain. The medication running through his IV made sure of that. His breathing felt heavier and he knew he didn’t have long. He wanted to let his angel of a daughter rest for just a little longer, but something told him that he couldn’t wait. If he was going to tell her what he wanted to say, he needed to tell her now. He was literally running out of time._

_“Charlie...” He called out. His quiet voice did not match the great effort he had made to speak. He cleared his throat and tried again. “Charlotte!”_

_Charlie jumped up in fear. She had been on edge for months, but her nightmares and fear of what was to come were nothing compared to what she was facing now._

_Her father tried to apologize, but his lungs and throat weren’t cooperating. He felt like he was drowning._

_“Dad?” Charlie whispered. Her father sounded like he was choking. Charlie grabbed a small cup of water and put a straw to the man’s lips. After a few sips and some more throat clearing he was ready to try to speak again._

_“Charlotte, you’re everything I could ever have wanted in this life.”_

_Charlie knew that he was trying to make peace. She knew that he was getting ready to leave her. He was trying to say goodbye._

_She tried to stop him._

_“Dad, don’t talk. Just rest, so you can get better.”_

_Her father’s lips turned upward. His love for his little girl knew no bounds._

_“My girl, I’m running out of time. Please...” He interjected, knowing that his daughter would try to stall the inevitable as long as she could. “Let me say what I need to say.”_

_Charlie sadly nodded. She felt the warmth of tears in her eyes and a painful lump growing in her throat. The woman tried with everything that she had not to let her father down. She didn’t want him to see her fall apart._

_“I have loved you since the moment your mother told me she was pregnant. I have always wanted and loved you. You need to know that. When your mother left, I was devastated. I thought life and love were over for me...” He motioned with his fingers for his daughter to take his hand, a gesture they had come up with when they found out he was too weak to lift his hand on his own._

_He continued, “...but you, my beautiful daughter, **gave me a reason to believe in love again.** You gave me everything I could ever want in this world. You are my heart. I want you to know that God could not have given me a better life...because he couldn’t have given me a better daughter. My love for you and the life that we shared is the greatest thing that I could ever have imagined. YOU are the most important thing I ever did with my life.”_

_“Daddy, please don’t leave me!” Charlie begged. Her father’s words were getting quieter and shakier the more he spoke. She had tried not to show how frail her heart was, but she could no longer hide it. “I can’t do this without you.” She cried._

_She felt him squeeze her hand and a clarity filled his eyes as one more burst of strength entered his body. “Charlie, even if my body wastes away, I will always be with you.”_

_And then he breathed his last breath, leaving Charlie feeling all alone in the world._

...

“Did I ever tell you that I almost left DC?” Charlie asked.

Lexi was still holding her hand as they walked the streets of New York City. Their hotel was close enough for them to walk, and the skyline was lit up in the night sky. Charlie suggested that they take a walk to fully enjoy the experience of being in the City.

“No. I can’t believe I didn’t know that.” Lex answered.

Charlie leaned toward her girlfriend and kissed the side of her head before explaining. “I had my studio and was feeling uninspired after my Dad died. I struggled to paint anything except for darkness...”

Charlie cleared her throat, hoping to keep herself from sounding too sad. She was on a mission to show Lexi a good time, but she felt it absolutely crucial that she share this part of her story too.

“When my Dad died, and it became clear that I couldn’t paint or create like I used to, I decided to leave. I was going to dedicate my life to discovering the world. I never wanted to settle down, because once I stopped moving I felt empty.” Charlie explained.

Lexi felt her girlfriend's body tremble next to her. She lifted Charlie’s arm up over her shoulders and nestled into her girlfriend’s side. She hugged her waist with both arms.

“I’m ok.” Charlie said, wanting to ease Lexi’s worried mind. “I just wanted you to know that the day I met you was supposed to be my last day in DC. I was at the store buying snacks for my trip. Then I saw a gorgeous brunette walking the aisles of the grocery store while talking on the phone with her Mom.”

Lexi laughed at the memory of their first time meeting.

Charlie continued, “I overheard you say that you needed to find pasta, so I went to the pasta section and waited for you.”

“You’re such a sneaky stalker.” Lexi teased.

“Yeah, basically. But you can’t really blame me. I had just seen the most beautiful woman in the world.”

“So smooth...” Lexi cooed before placing a kiss on her girlfriend’s jaw.

“Anyway, you took three days to call me back.” Charlie said with a playful bite in her tone. “I stayed in DC, dangling...waiting for you to acknowledge my existence.”

Lexi couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “You did not.” Lex argued.

“I did. I waited...hoping that I would have a reason to paint again. It sounds stupid...I know, but I felt something with you that I have never felt before...and I still feel it every day.”

“Baby...” Lexi gushed. She wrapped her arms around Charlie’s neck and pulled her into a hug. “You’re making me cry.”

“I just wanted you to know, that all the world has nothing to offer unless I’m discovering it with you. I want to spend all of my days discovering life with you.” Charlie said. She kissed Lexi and then said, “Come on. Follow me.”

Charlie took her girlfriend’s hand and led her down the street. After two blocks they crossed the street to an outdoor live performance of a stringed quartet.

Charlie held out her hand, bowed slightly and asked, “Care to dance?”

Lexi looked at her like she was crazy. “You hate dancing.”

“Not today.” Charlie answered.

Lex took her hand and let Charlie sweep her off her feet.

“You’ve been practicing.” Lexi said as they moved in unison.

Charlie laughed and said, “You have no idea.” She had gotten lessons to make sure she didn’t step on her girlfriend’s feet during her attempt at romance.

With Lex’s arms around Charlie’s neck and Charlie’s hands at Lex’s waist, they danced for almost an hour. It felt as if the entire world had stopped and they were the only ones truly living.

Charlie stopped dancing, which caused Lexi to stop with her. She smiled and said, “So, rumor has it that you’re an amazing twirler.”

“Who told you that?” Lexi asked with a laugh.

“Your parents.” Charlie said, giving the answer that Lexi expected to hear. “Will you twirl for me?”

Lexi laughed again and replied, “Baby, no one else is twirling.” She gestured to everyone around them and thought that was reason enough for her girlfriend to cancel her request.

“Babe, come on...” Charlie said. “Please...” She begged.

Lexi rolled her eyes and answered, “Fine.” She adjusted her dress to make sure that it wouldn’t get tangled up when she spun. She held out the sides and twirled for Charlie. Just like when she was a kid, she felt as if she was floating.

When Lexi came to a stop she noticed that her girlfriend was no longer standing beside her. Charlie was kneeling on both knees with a ring held out toward her.

Lexi gasped.

“Lex, I never imagined that I would have a chance at love again after my Dad died. I didn’t think my heart could handle it. But here you are.” Charlie said with a tearful smile. “You’ve made me believe that anything is possible. You **_gave me a reason to believe in love again._** ”

Lexi held her breath, waiting for the question she had been hoping Charlie would ask her since their first date.

“Alexandra, will you marry me?”

“YES!!!” Lexi answered, without hesitation. She held her hand out and let her new fiance place the ring on her finger. Then she bent down to swallow her up in a hug.

Charlie remained on her knees when she asked, “Can I ask you for one more favor?”

“Anything, baby.” Lexi laughed. Her eyes were filled with happy tears.

“Can you help me up? It’s really hard to kneel in a short, tight dress.”

Lexi laughed loudly and tightened her grip on her girlfriend. She lifted her up and made sure Charlie didn’t topple over. The women shared another kiss and spent the rest of the evening dancing and laughing as a newly engaged couple.

...

“Hey baby, now that we’re betrothed does that mean I can let myself go?” Charlie asked. The engaged couple was in their hotel room packing their stuff to return home. They had a short flight to catch.

“What are you saying?” Lexi asked. She had a feeling her charming fiance was up to something.

Charlie laughed at Lexi’s somewhat exasperated tone and answered, “I was just wondering if it was permissible for me to wear sweats on the plane. I’m hoping to sneak a nap on the way home.”

“When have I ever cared about what you wear?” Lex asked. She loved Charlie’s laid back style, and in her opinion the woman could wear anything and make it look good.

“I didn’t want to disappoint my new fiance.” Charlie answered.

Lexi smirked and pushed her suitcase from the middle of the bed to the side and said, “You should know by now what I prefer you to wear.”

Lexi’s flirting went right over Charlie’s head. However, she soon caught onto what Lex was saying when she pulled her down on the bed and informed her that she preferred when she wore nothing at all.

The engaged couple ended up almost missing their flight, but both would agree that it was totally worth it.

...

“Let me see it!” Ali screamed the moment the engaged couple came into view. Lexi wasn’t expecting her mother to yell in excitement towards them as they made their way to baggage claim at the airport.

As soon as they were within hugging distance, Ali grabbed her daughter and said, “Tell me everything!”

Lexi and Ali chatted about the proposal while the women waited for the luggage to come on the carousel. Ash arrived several minutes later. She hugged both Lexi and Charlie and explained that Ali made her drop her off and park, so that she wouldn’t have to wait any longer than necessary to hear about all the details.

Once they had gotten their suitcases and were on their way to Ashlyn’s Jeep, Ash pulled her daughter aside and walked next to her. She quietly said. “I’m proud of you, princess.”

“Thanks, Mama.” Lexi replied. She knew that her mother was telling her that she thought that Charlie was the right one for her.

“By the way, Sam has been texting your mother all weekend asking if she’s heard from you.” Ash informed with a smile.

Lexi smiled. It was heartwarming for her to know that her free-spirited, absent-minded brother was thinking about her. She had been thinking about him too.

...

The Krieger-Harris clan, plus Charlie, went on a family vacation to Florida. It was the first time Charlie had been to the beach since her father had passed away and she poured his ashes into the waves that he loved. She hadn’t told anyone that she was dreading her reunion with the ocean.

Ashlyn had spent countless hours teaching her children how to surf. Lexi could have been a much better surfer if she hadn’t always been so concerned about tanning with Ali every time they went to the beach.

Lexi, Charlie, and Ali watched as the rest of the family surfed the day away. Lex had informed her parents that though her fiance was a great surfer, she hadn’t stepped one foot in the water since her father died. The family made sure not to pressure her or make her feel like she had to surf to fit in, but Lexi was starting to notice Charlie was acting a little down.

“Baby, let’s take a walk.” Lex said and jumped up from her spot on the sand. She offered her fiance a hand and helped her stand up. The two of them walked hand in hand, stopping every once in a while to watch the family have fun in the water.

“Sorry if I’ve been a little bit of a bummer today.” Charlie apologized. She hoped no one noticed, but was confident Lexi knew her well enough to see she had been feeling down.

Lexi squeezed her fiance’s bicep and replied, “You’ve been fine. I just wish you would give the ocean another chance. I know you love it.”

“Lex, I can’t.” Charlie answered sadly. “I wish I could, but it’s too much.”

Lexi pulled her into a hug before Charlie had a chance to break down. Lex never wanted to make her fiance feel forced to do anything...especially if it would cause her to feel bad.

“Baby, you can do, or not do, whatever you want.” Lex assured. “One of the things I love about you is that you make me feel so safe with you. I want you to feel the same way with me.”

Lexi cleared her throat and nervously fumbled to pull something out of her bikini top. Before Charlie had a chance to see what Lexi had in her hand, she joked, “What all do you have in there?” She stole a peak at the contents by pulling back the bathing suit a little.

Lexi smacked her hand away with a warning. “Don’t go flashing my goods to the whole beach!”

“Oops.” Charlie smiled. She wagged her eyebrows up and down and smirked, “I never get tired of that view.”

Lexi laughed and replied, “Baby, I’m trying to be serious with you.”

“Sorry.” Charlie said and held her hands up in surrender. “I promise to keep my hands to myself.”

“I wouldn’t go that far.” Lexi said seductively. “But for now I do need you to pay attention.”

“You go it.” Charlie promised. She folded her hands together and got serious.

“Baby, I’ve been wanting to give you something for a long time. I knew that you would want to be the one to propose, but I also thought you would like a ring of your own.” Lexi explained as she held up the diamond ring she had pulled out of her top.

“Lex, you didn’t have to...” Charlie started to say, but Lexi interrupted her.

“I didn’t have to, but I wanted to.” She took her fiance’s hand in her own and asked, “Will you marry me, Charlotte?”

“Well, I don’t know. I’ll have to think about it.”

“Oh, my gosh!” Lexi exclaimed. Her fiance was a real character. “Just shut up and take your ring.”

“You’re so romantic.” Charlie teased. She got serious and answered, “I would love to marry you, Lex.”

The two shared a deep kiss and rejoined Lexi’s family to share the good news.

...

The surfers had returned to the beach to get something to eat. Ali had a big picnic ready and Ash had brought a small, portable grill to cook hot dogs and hamburgers for the family. Lexi had informed the group that she had proposed to her fiance. Sam knew it was coming, but still made fun of her for asking someone who was already her fiance to marry her.

In the midst of laughter and lunch, Charlie noticed that one of her soon-to-be brothers was looking a little depressed. Jamie had separated himself from the group and seemed to be sulking.

“You ok?” She asked. She had left the rest of the family to check on him.

He shrugged and threw a rock into the water. It sank as soon as it hit the ocean. “I can’t even skip a rock.” He said in self-disgust.

“What’s the matter?” Charlie asked.

He scratched his wet head and answered in frustration. “I’m the worst surfer in the family. I seriously suck!”

“I’m sure that’s not true. I watched you. You were doing ok.”

“Ok, is right. Everyone else stays up way longer than I do. I’m always the first to fall. Even Sam, with his bad leg, is better than me.” Jamie explained.

“Dude, surfing isn’t about who can stay on their board longest. It’s about becoming part of something that’s bigger than you. It’s about letting go and becoming one with the ocean.” Charlie said.

Jamie smiled and replied, “Lex is right.” He playfully punched Charlie in the arm and said, “You are a hippie.”

The two shared a laugh before Charlie asked, “You wanna try again? I’ll go with you.”

Jamie was aware of Charlie’s fear to get back in the water. He realized that the moment they were sharing was bigger than himself. There was no way he was going to say no.

...

Ashlyn tapped her daughter on the shoulder and pointed at two figures in the water. “Take a look, princess.”

Lexi gasped at the scene of her fiance and little brother paddling out into the water together. She smiled thinking about what it must all mean to Charlie.

“Can I borrow your board, Mama?” Lexi asked. She didn’t wait for an answer. She picked it up and ran to meet her fiance in the water.

Charlie and Jamie had caught several waves before Lexi made it to where they were. Charlie and Lexi straddled their boards and took a break while Jamie continued to work on his form.

“I’m proud of you.” Lexi said. She reached for her fiance’s leg and pulled herself up next to her.

“Thanks.” Charlie replied. She leaned back on her board and laid down. Lexi continued to hang on to her fiance, to make sure the small waves didn’t separate them.

Lexi asked, “How are you feeling?”

“I feel like he’s here with me.” Charlie answered. She sat up and ran her fingers through the water as if she were touching her father and not the ocean. She met Lexi’s compassionate eyes with her own and said, “Thank you for this...for everything.”

Lexi closed the small gap between them and kissed her fiance. Neither of them could remember a time when they were more content, or more happy, than they were in that exact moment.

Lexi had a hard time getting Charlie out of the water for the rest of the trip.

...

“Come on in.” Lexi said as she opened the door for her brother. Sam headed straight for her kitchen.

With his head in the refrigerator, Sam asked, “You guys got anything good to eat?”

“I’ll make you a sandwich. Sit down.” Lexi answered. She didn’t want to have to deal with the mess that her brother would leave behind if she let him fix himself something.

Lexi saw her brother rub the side of his leg after he sat down and asked, “How’s your leg?”

“Um, not great. But the doc thinks it might get better with another surgery.” Sam replied.

Lexi set Sam’s snack down in front of him and asked, “How are you feeling about another surgery?”

“I’m not excited about it, but if it means I can do stuff without feeling like my leg is gonna fall off, then I’m willing to try.” Sam replied.

“Sammy, maybe if you didn’t act like you’re invincible your knee wouldn’t hurt so much.” Lexi lectured.

Sam rolled his eyes and confessed, “I haven’t been doing crazy things like I used to, Lex.”

“What about basketball with the guys?” Lex said, bringing up an activity that he had said he had done recently.

“I just told you that to make up an excuse for my leg hurting.”

“You lied to me?” Lexi asked in an accusing tone.

“Yee-up!” Sam answered with his mouth full of sandwich. “You worry too much.”

“Apparently not enough.” Lex replied. “So, what’s the real story?”

“It hurts all the time.” Sam answered. “It keeps me up at night.”

Lexi assumed the reason her brother had started taking medication to help him sleep was because of his injury. She wasn’t at all surprised by his confession. “And this new surgery will fix that?”

“Hopefully.” Sam answered. “It’s better than not trying.”

“Well, it looks like we’re gonna be roommates again.” Lex announced happily.

Sam looked at her in confusion and asked, “Huh? Why?”

“Someone’s gotta take care of you while you recover.”

“Maybe you should ask your fiance about that?”

“Oh, she won’t care. She let’s me do whatever I want, anyway.” Lexi boasted.

Sam replied, “You’re so spoiled.”

“Yes, I am...and your point?”

Samuel laughed loudly and replied, “I’m just wondering what Charlie gets out of this whole deal.”

“Deal? You mean the ‘marrying me deal?’ I actually wanted to talk to you about something that kinda has to do with that.” Lexi said.

“Ok, shoot.”

“What do you think Mom and Mama will say if I take Charlie’s last name? Do you think they will be upset?” Lexi asked.

“You don’t want to be a ‘Krieger-Harris’ anymore?”

Lexi tousled her brother’s hair and answered, “I will always be a ‘Krieger-Harris’ but Charlie is the last one in her family. I want to give her children with her name to honor her father.”

Sam smiled at his sister’s thoughtfulness. She was a spoiled fiance, daughter, and sister, but her heart was unselfish and kind. There was a reason everyone let her do whatever she wanted.

“That’s really nice, Lex. I think Charlie will love that.”

Lexi thought about her fiance’s reaction and knew Samuel was right. It would mean the world to her. “I hope our parents don’t mind.”

“They won’t. Mom might cry, but it won’t be because of the name change. It will be because of the gesture.” Sam assured her.

“I just want her to know that her family is my family now.”

Sam was right. His mother cried over the sweetness of Lexi’s gesture of love. Ash and Ali had raised her to be independent and take ownership of her actions and ideas. They were proud of her and promised to support her decision to change her name.

They would support her decision to do anything, but Lexi was following her heart and there was nothing more important than that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final chapter of this story line. Charlie will be back in later chapters, but I have a few ideas for upcoming chapters for the Krieger-Harris family that involves the kids being young and cute. :)


	239. Bearable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is back in the normal timeline of the story. Samuel is 6 and Lexi is 8. Jake and Rachel are 16.

“Thank God you’re home!” Ali announced as her wife arrived home from work. 

Ash cooly kissed her wife and replied, “It looks like someone had a rough day.”

“It’s our children!” Ali explained. “Lex and Samuel stayed up all night, which turned them into over-emotional little monsters today.”

“How are the twins?”

Ali replied, “I paid Jacob and Rachel 20 bucks to watch them until you got home. These are for the monsters.” Ali said and handed Ashlyn 2 juice boxes. “I need a break. Your dinner is in the microwave.” Ali patted her wife’s backside and then left to find some alone time. 

“Alrighty then.” Ash mumbled to herself. She had also had a rough day, but her wife was in no shape to hear about it.

“Mama!” Bella yelled and ran to her. 

Little Jamie scrambled behind her and echoed her greeting.

Ash set the juice boxes down and knelt down so she could swallow her two year old babies up in a big hug. 

“They heard you pull in and begged to come see you.” Jake explained.

Ashlyn couldn’t complain about the sweet greeting from her children, but it didn’t give her much time to catch her breath. Ashlyn picked up both toddlers and said, “I heard your mother paid you to take care of these munchkins.”

“Not enough, if you ask me. They were a little wild.” Jake answered.

“I seem to remember a time when you were so grateful to be a big brother that you would do anything to help out your little brothers and sisters.” Ash replied.

Jacob laughed and quietly answered, “That was before I got my driver’s license and a hot girlfriend.”

Rachel interrupted, “Don’t blame me.”

Jacob shared a laugh with his girlfriend, but stopped the moment he realized Ashlyn didn’t seem to find the situation humorous. 

“Sorry, Mama. Do you want me to give Mom her money back?” Jake offered.

Little Jamie sucked on his thumb and laid his head down on Ashlyn’s shoulder. Bella bounced up and down and poked a freckle on her Mama’s neck repeatedly. Ash blocked out all the distractions and answered her oldest son, “It’s fine. I’m sure you’ve earned it.”

Rachel was a very perceptive teenager. She noticed that Ashlyn seemed a little down. She knew her boyfriend wanted to leave as soon as possible, but she felt compelled to help when she asked, “We can stick around a little longer. Lexi and Sam are taking a nap. You could relax for a little bit if you want.”

Jake looked at his girlfriend like she had said something in an unknown language. The words coming out of her mouth did not make any sense to him. They had planned to go out to dinner and see a movie once Ashlyn arrived home to take over caring for the two year olds. Rachel gave him an unmistakeable look that told him to suck it up and relax.

Rachel’s offer got a smile from Ashlyn, and Jacob was thankful to hear his mother’s answer. “Don’t worry about it. You two have fun. Drive safely.”

Jacob didn’t have to be told twice. He wasn’t going to miss out on the opportunity to leave. He kissed his mother’s cheek and grabbed his girlfriend’s hand. While he pulled her towards the front door he said, “Thanks, Mama...Love you!”

Ashlyn let Bella run around, while she held Jamie. The youngest Krieger-Harris child was content with keeping quiet and cuddling with his Mama. Bella eventually calmed down and let Ashlyn hold her hand as the two of them walked to check on Lexi and Sam. Jacob was correct in saying that they had fallen asleep. 

Both were asleep in Lex’s bed. Sam was lying sideways across his sister’s legs and his dog was partially on top of him. Ashlyn shook her head and wondered how the boy had gotten into that position to begin with, but with both twins in her care she chose to leave him as he was. Hopefully, his sister wouldn’t end up kicking him and his dog in her sleep.

Ash poked her head into her and her wife’s room and heard the water running in their bathroom. Ali was taking a well-deserved bath. She scratched her head and tried to think of something she could do with her youngest children to keep them out of Ali’s hair for a while. 

Ashlyn returned to her daughter’s room and quietly called Monster to her side. He followed her and the twins to the backyard. Ash watched as Monster entertained the toddlers by chasing them playfully around the yard.

After almost a half hour, Samuel was the first one to join them. He climbed into his Mama’s lap as she sat in the grass watching the twins play. Ash was surprised that he didn’t join in on the fun with his favorite dog, but she didn’t mind the extra love from her cuddliest child. 

“Mama...” Sam said. He wrapped his arms around Ashlyn’s neck and kissed her cheek. “I missed you.”

“Missed you too, Bam.” Ash replied with a tired smile. 

Sam squeezed her neck tightly and said, “Missed you more!”

Ashlyn closed her eyes tight and fought away tears. She had had an impossibly difficult day, and her son’s kindness was just about all she could take. 

“Mama, are you sad?” Sam asked in concern. He used the palm of his hand to roughly wipe a tear that had escaped. 

His gesture made Ashlyn smile, not only because it was kind and sweet, but because it was uncoordinated and a little awkward. Sam was wild. When he wiped her face it almost felt like a slap. 

Ashlyn’s smile grew bigger when she answered, “Bam, I’m happier now that I’m with you.” 

“I’m happy too, Mama.” The boy replied. He started to get excited as his attention left his mother and landed on his dog’s wagging tail. Sam’s did his own version of a tail wag and wiggled his butt in his Mama’s lap.

Ashlyn knew her wild child wasn’t going to be sitting with her for long. It only took a moment for the boy to spring up to help his younger brother and sister catch his favorite furry friend.

A few minutes later, Ashlyn’s thoughts were interrupted by the sound of her daughter. “Mama’s home!” Lexi announced. Ali followed behind the excited girl. Lex knocked Ashlyn over with an over zealous hug. 

“Hello, little princess.” Ash said and held her daughter tight. 

Ali shook her head in disbelief and asked, “How is it that they are so loving and kind around you?” 

Ali sat down next to her wife and Lexi and explained, “They have been terrors....ALL DAY LONG!” 

Lexi looked at Ali in disapproval. She was certain that Sam was the problem and she was innocent of all accusations. “Mommy, I was good ALL DAY LONG! Sammy was the one who kept making me mad.” The young girl explained. 

Ali didn’t even try to argue with the girl. Little Lexi was legendary when it came to arguing and twisting perceptions of what happened. Samuel was much more emotional and straight forward. His sister’s attempts at blaming him for everything drove him crazy.

“I’m getting wine.” Ali announced and left before her daughter could pull her into another argument. She had dealt with her attitude all day.

When Ali returned with a full glass of wine she was somewhat relieved to see that her wife was sitting alone. All 4 of their youngest children were happily playing together with Monster. Ali sat back down in the grass with her wife. Ash made an absent minded comment about having to mow sometime soon. Ali held her wine with both hands and sipped it slowly, while resting her head against her wife’s shoulder.

“Baby, I’m sorry I abandoned you when you got home, but these kids about drove me crazy today.” Ali apologized. 

Ashlyn moved her arm around her wife and pulled her in a little closer to offer some comfort. She waited a few moments before blurting out in a tone that sounded almost emotionless, “One of the kids I train died today.”

“Ashlyn...” Ali said in shock. She stood to her feet and offered her wife a hand up. Wordlessly she led her into the house, away from the children. She kept the sliding door open, to make sure they could hear what their children were up to, but gave her wife her full attention. “Baby, what happened?” 

Ali stepped in close to her wife and tried to get Ash to look at her, but Ash was avoiding eye contact. The action signaled to Ali that her wife wasn’t hiding from her eyes, but from her. Ashlyn didn’t want to deal with what she was feeling, and she couldn't help but be vulnerable around Ali. If she avoided eye contact, she might be able to avoid dealing with what was bothering her a little longer.

“Ash, look at me.” Ali said. She tipped her wife’s face upward and waited for Ashlyn to look at her. “Are you ok?” 

“He was a good kid. He had a lot of potential.” Ash answered. 

Ali asked again, “Are you ok?”

“I don’t know.” Ash answered and put her head down. “I was just with him yesterday. He was so excited about scouts coming to see him play.” Ash leaned forward slowly and Ali opened her arms up to her. She pulled her into a warm embrace. Ashlyn’s words were muffled as she continued to speak with her face pressed against Ali’s neck. “I guess I’m feeling really sad.”

Ali kissed her wife’s cheek and said, “I’m sorry. What can I do to make you feel better?”

“Nothing.” Ash answered. “It’s just not fair. I mean, we have both had our share of things happening that have seemed unfair...even our kids have experienced it too...but...I just don’t understand.”

“I wish I knew what to say to make it better, Ash.”

“I promised him that I would go to his next game and talk to the scout about how hard he was working, and how serious he was about playing in college.” Ashlyn said. She started to tear up when she added, “I never got to prove to him how proud I was of him.”

“Baby, he must have known...” Ali replied. She didn’t know what else to say.

Ashlyn gently pushed her wife away from her and said, “It doesn’t matter anymore.”

“Sweetheart...”

Ali’s attempt at making her wife feel better was brought to a grinding halt when they heard the terrified screams of their children.

“Mama!” Sam screamed. “Help me! Help! Mama!”

Lexi’s screams, along with the twins crying, and Monster’s protective barking mixed in with Samuel’s desperate cries.

Sam hid in the children’s treehouse from a swarm of bees who’s hive he had disturbed with a rock. Monster, being Samuel’s faithful friend and protector, barked at and tried to eat as many bees as he could catch. 

The distressed boy’s parents sprang into action in a split second’s time. 

“Lexi help me get the babies inside.” Ali instructed. 

Ashlyn took off her shirt as she climbed the ladder to the treehouse where her son was hiding. He tried to swat the bees away, but Ash could see he had already been stung several time. Ashlyn covered as much of his exposed skin as she could with her shirt and told him to hold onto her tight. 

She held him close and used his special slide exit to make a fast getaway. She sprinted to the door and Ali opened and closed it at the precise moments needed to keep unwanted insects out of the house. She left just enough time for Monster to follow inside behind his favorite boy.

Ali took her crying son from Ashlyn’s arms. Samuel was not only in pain, but also traumatized by the whole event. Ali looked over him carefully and counted 5 stings. Monster interrupted the inspection and revealed that he had several stings of his own on his nose and mouth. Ali was planning to send Ash to the vet with the dog while she took Sam to the ER to get checked out. 

Ali’s plan immediately changed when she heard Lexi ask, “Mama, are you ok?”

Ali’s eyes shot up from Sam to her wife. Ashlyn stood in the middle of their living room with dozens of welts all over her body from bee stings. She looked to be in a state of shock. 

“Ash sit down, baby.” Ali said and guided her to the couch. “You are covered in stings.”

Ashlyn had the attention of all of the children. “Mama, don’t die!” Lexi dramatically declared.

“Sweetheart, calm down and focus on your breathing.” Ali replied to her daughter. She focused back on Ash and asked, “How’s your breathing? Are you lightheaded?” Ali didn’t think her wife was allergic to bee stings, but she knew she had never been stung so many times before. She wanted to be cautious.

“I’m fine. Take care of Bam.” Ash answered. She was emotionally exhausted. The adrenaline of saving Sam and the day’s earlier events added up to one overwhelming day.

Ali gently ran her fingers over several of the swollen areas on Ashlyn’s stomach. Ash closed her eyes and rested her head on the back of the couch. She was trying to imagine herself in a more peaceful situation...far away from bees and teenagers dying too soon. 

Ali let Ashlyn zone out while she came up with a plan. She called Jacob and informed him that his date was over. The family needed him. Her second call was to her father. Her Dad would stay with the kids until Jacob got home and then Ken would take Monster to the vet to get him checked out. Ali’s third and final call was to their family doctor. He recommended that she take Ash and Samuel to the ER. 

Their night was just getting started.

...

“This is so stupid.” Ashlyn complained. 

“Baby, you’re the one who said you were feeling dizzy. Besides there are so many stingers in you, I would rather a professional remove them than me.” Ali replied. She held her wife’s hand and brought it to her lips for a kiss. Samuel was on the exam table with Ash and he was falling asleep. He had also had an emotionally exhausting day.

Ash shook her head in frustration, “It was a traumatic experience. I was feeling off because of the thought of something horrible happening to Sam. I shouldn’t have to explain that to you. I’m fine. We don’t need to waste our time here.”

“Ash, don’t be grumpy. You also have a swollen ankle that needs looked at.” Ali answered. Ash had twisted her ankle when she sprinted from the treehouse to the house. They didn’t discover the injury until the adrenaline had worn off and Ashlyn tried to stand.

“I’m sorry. This has just been the worst day.” Ashlyn replied apologetically. 

Ali shifted her eyes from her wife to her son. Samuel had fallen asleep with his head in Ashlyn’s lap. Ali knew her wife had every reason to feel the way she did, but she couldn’t get past what they had talked about earlier.

Ali rubbed Sam’s back gently and said, “Sweetheart, you have had a hard day. We both have. But I keep thinking about that poor boy you told me about who passed away. I keep thinking about his mother. I think about our sweet children, and though it was a miserable day in a lot of ways, it was also pretty wonderful.”

Ashlyn knew what her wife was getting at. They should be thankful to have their children safe and sound, but calling the day ‘wonderful’ seemed a bit too generous.

Ali continued, “Our sweet Jacob...you should have seen him playing with our babies. He was so patient and loving. Bella bit Jamie’s finger while they were fighting over the same toy, which then turned into Jamie crying for thirty minutes. I was busy dealing with Lexi and Sam’s constant bickering, but Jacob patiently held Jamie and comforted him long after he had justifiable reason to keep crying.” Ali sighed with a slight smile rising on the corners of her lips. “And Rachel was also amazing with the twins. I don’t know of many teenagers who would do what they did today without complaining.”

Ali nodded toward their son, who’s arms encircled Ashlyn’s waist while he slept. “He’s safe.” Ali said with a teary smile. “And you...” She paused. Her emotions were right at the surface and they were becoming too difficult to keep at bay. Ali brought Ashlyn’s hand up to her lips. Ashlyn felt every word that Ali spoke graze against her skin. “I am so lucky to have you.”

“I’m the lucky one, babe.” Ash replied. “I don’t know how you do what you do.”

“Ash, I appreciate that. I really do. But I feel like I’ve been so selfish. I have no right to complain. Our babies are healthy and even though they have their moments, they are the sweetest children in the whole world. I should never have complained. Our life is beautiful.”

Ashlyn knew her wife was 100% right, but her throbbing ankle and the painful bee stings covering her body consumed her outlook.

“Alex, I hear ya...and I agree. We have a great life...but right now, it just doesn’t feel like it.” Ash replied. 

“I know, baby. I’m sorry.” Ali didn’t have any other words to say. The three of them waited in comfortable silence until the doctor arrived to examine Ashlyn and Samuel.

...

“Mmm...” Ashlyn hummed as she sank down into the bubble bath that her wife had prepared for her. 

Ali saw a trace of a smile form on Ashlyn’s lips. “I think this is the first smile I’ve seen on you all day.” Ali said. She leaned against the sink counter and watched her wife finally relax.

Ashlyn rested her head back, closed her eyes, and said, “Thank you.”

All the kids were tucked in and sleeping. Ashlyn, Samuel, and even Monster, were given medicine to help the stings heal and feel better. Ashlyn had a sprained ankle and had to use crutches until it healed, but the doctor didn’t think it was anything serious. 

The married couple finally had some peace.

Ashlyn’s eyes shot open when she felt and heard the water shift around her. Ali had stripped off all of her clothes and was carefully entering the tub with her. Ash was momentarily stunned by the sudden addition of Ali’s naked form hovering over her. Her wife sure knew how to make an entrance.

Ashlyn adjusted her position so that Ali could sit across from her. Their legs crossed each others’ and their hands met in the middle. 

“You’re beautiful.” Ash said, once her wife had gotten settled. 

“So are you.” Ali replied seductively.

Ashlyn wasn’t in the mood to make light of the situation. “I’m serious, Alex. Today sucked, but you made it bearable.”

Ali started to laugh, she didn’t think “bearable” was that great of a state to be in. Ashlyn tapped Ali’s arm with her good ankle and said, “Don’t laugh! It’s true. Today was really hard for me. I felt hopeless and you didn’t judge me or pressure me to ‘just get over it.’ You really helped me today.”

Ali absolutely adored her wife, and Ashlyn’s honest confession touched her heart. She knew that Ash lived with a great depth of emotions. They would often times swirl around and consume much of her wife’s thoughts and affect her outlook on life. This wasn’t always a bad thing. It was often a really great thing. 

Ali had never known the true meaning of pure joy until she experienced life with Ashlyn. 

But today was hard. 

Today was a day that would have been difficult for anyone, not just a ‘deep-feeling’ person. Ali was thankful that she was able to be a help to her wife. The hard days were always easier when they were together.

“I’m glad I could help. I love you.” Ali replied. 

Ali leaned forward and pulled her wife towards her. The two shared a kiss and Ashlyn’s mind switched gears. It was as if she just realized she was naked in a tub with her very hot naked wife.

Ashlyn tried to make a move, but their limbs were tangled and slippery. She ended up almost injuring her other ankle in the process. Thankfully Ali had the presence of mind to suggest they move things to the safety of their bed.


	240. Champion (Part One)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a prompt request. (Thank you!!!)
> 
> This part of the prompt takes place during the "present day" timeline of the story. Later chapters will take place in the future. (I hope that's not too confusing.)
> 
> Jake is 16. Lexi is 8. Sam is 6. The twins are 2.

“Sweetheart, pull your shorts up. Your butt is hanging out.” Ali instructed. She was grocery shopping with her oldest son and disapproved of his attire.

“Rachel likes it like that. She says I have a cute butt.” Jake answered with a cocky grin.

Ali shook her head, as if to clear her mind of any memory of what her son just shared with her. “I do not want to hear anything about what your girlfriend likes about your backside.”

“Mom, I’m kidding. She tells me to pull my pants up all the time. She says I look like a hobo.” Jacob answered. He added teasingly, “Then I remind her that I used to be homeless and I say ‘Thanks a lot for bringing back those painful memories.’” 

Ali froze in shock. She didn’t know whether to feel bad for her son or his girlfriend. 

“It’s a joke.” Jake announced. “My shorts are falling down because the drawstring broke.” Jacob showed his mother the front of his shorts and pulled out a piece of the string that should be holding his shorts up.

“You’re horrible. What am I going to do with you?” Ali asked rhetorically. She couldn't help but smile at her boy. Her son loved messing with her. They had a special relationship. Making Ali laugh was one of Jacob’s favorite things to do.

“Sweetheart, do we need to buy you clothes that will stay on your body?” Ali asked with a smile. 

“No, but I do need some new cleats for soccer. My old ones are getting too small.” Jake answered.

Ali frowned and replied, “That’s because you’re growing up too fast. It’s not fair. I want you to stay my little boy forever.”

“Umm...” Jake hummed. He put his arm around his mother’s shoulder and said, “Wow, this is awkward.” Jake said as he patted Ali’s shoulder in mocking and said, “You adopted me when I was 13. So, technically I was never your little boy.”

Ali elbowed her son in the stomach and replied, “You have always been my son, no matter when we adopted you, and that means you will always be my little boy. Stop being a handful and be nice to your mother.”

“Sorry Mom...” Jake said and gave his mother a real hug. 

“That’s better. Now, when do you need your new shoes by?”

“As soon as possible.”

...

Jacob tightened the laces of his new soccer shoes and sat at his locker in his soccer team’s locker room. He sat quietly with music blaring through his headphones. Jake did his usual pre-game routine. He took deep, calming breaths, and visualized scoring the winning goal for his team. They were one game away from the state championship final game and he was their captain and star player. 

All throughout the tournament he had been considered the MVP of the whole thing. Being the son of two star athletes gave him an unfair advantage over other kids his age. The fact that one of his star athlete parents also owned a professional training center that focused on overall health and strength, made it an impossible advantage for anyone his age to complete with. He was miles ahead of everyone else he competed with at the high school level.

As the team returned to the pitch ready for the game to start, he did what he always did before the start of each game. He searched the stands for his family. He smiled and waved to his parents, siblings, girlfriend, and grandfather. He pointed to his new shoes that Ali had rushed to get for him and gave her a thumbs up. Ali blew him a kiss and Samuel yelled something that he couldn’t quite understand. He smiled and shook his head. He pretended to know exactly what his excited brother had said to him.

The semi-final was exciting. Jacob had scored twice and he was close to scoring a third goal on several occasions. With a one goal lead Jacob was taken down inside the box. It was an obvious penalty. At first, the Krieger-Harris parents were certain that their son would get his hat trick after all. He had spent countless hours perfecting his penalty approach and kicks. 

Their certainty turned to worry when they realized that their son had yet to get up off the ground. He was sitting up and grabbing towards his new left shoe. 

“I think the defender caught his ankle.” Ali’s Dad said. 

“Is Jakeys ok?” Sam asked. He climbed onto the right side of Ashlyn’s lap. Bella was taking up the other side. 

Ashlyn held both children close to her and shared a worried look with her wife before answering, “We don’t know yet, buddy.” 

Ali handed Jamie to her Dad and said, “I’ll go check.” Rachel stood up with her and they found a spot on the sideline that was closest to Jacob and watched the trainers work on his ankle. 

Jacob leaned back and laid down on the grass. He covered his face with both hands and slowly breathed in and out. The pain he felt without putting any weight on his ankle made it clear that there was no way he could continue playing. 

His tournament was over.

He would not be playing in the state championship game. 

...

Ali rode in the ambulance with Jacob. Rachel and the rest of the family left separately to meet them at the hospital. Jacob was devastated. He was never an excessively emotional kid, but he had dreamed about winning a championship since he first started playing soccer. He wanted to make his family proud of him. He felt like all of his hard work was a waste.

“Jacob, this is just a little bump in the road. You’ll heal up and work to get back on the field. You’ll be better than ever.” Ali promised. She held onto his hand and tried to get some kind of response from the boy. He had been silent the whole ride to the hospital and only spoke when it was absolutely necessary. 

Ali knew what her son was feeling. She had been there many times in her own soccer career. She spoke into the quiet of the room, “I’m so proud of you, sweetheart. It will get better. I promise.”

Ali’s dad and Rachel were the next visitors to arrive. Rachel gave her boyfriend a hug and quick kiss. She began to ask him about all the details of his injury. After hearing Jake’s symptoms she examined his ankle and gave her diagnosis. 

“I bet it’s broken.” Rachel said. She pointed to a swollen, bruised area and said that he will probably need surgery.

That was the last thing Jacob wanted to hear. His girlfriend was extremely intelligent and read medical books and watched surgical videos in her spare time. He figured she was probably right. 

“Sweetheart, I think we should let the doctor decide what he needs before we worry about it.” Ali replied to Rachel. Jacob was terrified of needles and any medical procedures that involved him being unconscious. Ali was trying to calm her son’s nerves, even though she knew the girl was probably right.

“Where’s the rest of the family?” Ali asked. She wanted to change the subject and distract Jacob from his ankle pain and disappointment. 

Ken answered his daughter while Rachel propped Jake’s ankle up on a pillow. “Sam made Ashlyn stop at the gift shop. The kids wanted to get something for Jake.”

“So sweet.” Ali said and gave Jacob’s hand an encouraging squeeze. “Don’t you think that’s sweet, honey?” Ali asked Jake. “Your little brothers and sisters love you so much.”

Jacob shrugged and mumbled, “I guess.” 

Ali really wished her wife and Samuel were around. They were both the family comedians. They could cheer anyone up. 

...

Samuel perused the aisles of the small hospital gift shop. He tapped his chin as he carefully considered what would be the best present to give his big brother. Little Jamie walked slowly behind him and clumsily mimicked everything he did. 

Ashlyn roamed around with Bella in her arms and Lexi leading the way. Lex picked out a balloon and junk food for her big brother. Bella chose a little stuffed teddy bear and Jamie chose one extra of everything Sam picked out. 

Ashlyn ended up spending a small fortune on the overly priced gifts. 

...

After the x-ray results came back and confirmed Rachel’s original diagnosis, the family was sent home with crutches and pain killers for the patient. Jacob’s surgery was scheduled for the next day. Rachel found the surgery he would be getting on youtube and studied it carefully. Ashlyn teased the girl and said that by the time Jacob was having the procedure, she would be able to perform it herself.

Rachel wished she could have been part of the surgery, but she would have to wait several years before getting the chance.

...

A week later Jacob’s team played in the championship game. They dedicated their first goal to him. He watched from the bench with his crutches on the ground in front of him. He cheered as loud as he could and almost fell over a few times because of his aggressive cheering.

His team ended up winning it all. He joined them in the middle of the pitch for the trophy presentation ceremony and his teammates picked him up and chanted his name after he received the tournament MVP award.

As happy as he was to share in this moment with his team, he wondered if he would ever have a chance to play in a championship game and win it all. He appreciated the love that his team was giving him, but he felt like he didn’t deserve it. 

His injury kept him from proving that he had earned the right to be called a champion.


	241. Champion (Part Two)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter includes a prompt request. (Thank you!!!)
> 
> This is a FLASHFORWARD chapter.

Ali’s stomach dropped when she saw her son call her during his school hours. She answered, ready to rush into action. “Hello, sweetheart?”

“Mom...” Jake paused and asked, “Is Mama around?”

“No, but I’m here. What’s the matter?”

“Nothing...I..um...just thought it would be better to tell you both together but...” Jake answered. He hesitated to reveal the reason for his call because he really wanted to tell his parents together. 

“Spill it, Jacob.” Ali urged. 

“Ok. ok. I guess we can tell Mama over dinner or something.” Jake answered. He was mentally working through the details. He wanted it to be special. 

“Sweetheart, if you don’t tell me why you called soon I will drive to your school and embarrass you in front of all of your friends.” Ali threatened.

“Ok, sorry.” Jake took a deep breath to calm his excited nerves and said, “I got a call from the coach of the Under 20 US Men’s team today. He wants me to practice with the guys.”

In a moment’s time, Ali lost her breath and felt tears of joy rise in her eyes. Her heart pounded in her chest. The pride she felt for her son could not be put into words.

“Hello?” Jacob said, wondering if his mother had heard him or if his phone had dropped the call. 

“I’m here.” Ali breathed out quietly.

“Did you hear what I said?”

Ali took a deep breath to settle her emotions and answered, “Yes, baby. I’m just over here crying because I’m so proud of you.” 

Jacob chuckled and replied, “Oh, Mom. You’re so emotional.” His mother’s extra tender heart toward him and his siblings always seemed to amuse him.

Ali wiped her eyes dry and laughed along with her son. “You know I can’t help it. I won’t apologize or feel bad about loving you so much.”

“I wouldn’t want you to, Mom.”

...

“Mama’s home!” Jamie announced loudly. He hurried to the front door and used both of his little hands to open the door for Ashlyn. As soon as she entered the house he ran his 4 year old body right into her legs.

“Hey, Jame!” Ash said, with as much energy as she could give at the end of a long work day. She bent down and flexed her bicep in front of the little boy. Jamie grabbed it with both hands and held on tight. She carried him around the house as he dangled from her arm.

“Mommy...Mama’s home!” Jamie announced again when they found Ali in the back yard. 

“I see that, sweetheart.” Ali answered and gave her wife a welcome home kiss. 

Jamie puckered up and leaned towards Ali and said while trying not to move his lips, “Mommy, kiss.”

Ali smiled and gave her youngest baby a kiss too. Ash adjusted her son and carried him with both of her arms. He put an arm around her neck and held on. He wasn’t planning to leave his mother’s arms for a long time.

“Baby, we are taking Jacob out to dinner tonight.” Ali informed her wife. 

“We are?” Ash asked. She didn’t remember being told they had plans.

“Yes.” Ali answered. “My Dad is coming with us. You need to change into something a little fancier.”

“You don’t like my work clothes?” Ash asked teasingly.

“Well, considering your work clothes are work OUT clothes...no. You need to change.”

Ash smirked and asked, “Do I need to take a shower?”

“I don’t know. Do you smell?” Ali asked. 

Ash tickled Jamie and asked, “What do you think, bub?” 

Jamie sniffed his mother a few times and answered confidently, “You smell good, Mama!”

Ash wiggled her eyebrows up and down and informed Ali, “I showered before I came home. I was just testing you.”

“Whatever you say, Baby.” Ali replied. She smiled about Jacob’s surprise announcement. 

Ashlyn was gong to freak out.

...

“So, I’ve been thinking.” Jacob blurted out. The family was finishing up the dessert course of their meal. He couldn’t wait any longer to spill the beans...but first he thought he would mess with his mother. “Mom, remember when you were trying to make the National Team?’

Ali nodded and answered, “Yes.” They hadn’t discussed how Jake would share the news. She assumed he had some thoughtful idea and just went along with his question. 

“You moved to Germany.” Jake said. “Maybe I need to do that. I’m graduating this year. Maybe I need to go somewhere and play professionally.”

Ashlyn’s eyes grew big. Her son had been recruited by a number of great colleges. She thought it was a given that he would further his education and play for a school in the US. Not only did she feel that getting a college education was in Jacob’s best interest, but she wasn’t ready to think about her son being so far away from them.

“Where is this coming from? It sounds like you want to move away.” Ash replied. 

Jacob was never a fan of being away from his family. His idea of moving out of the country didn’t fit with his personality or his commitment to be around as a support for his siblings. 

“Mama, I don’t necessarily want to leave, but if it will help me get noticed I feel like I should do it.” Jacob explained. He tried not to smile when he added, “I mean, Mom did it...so, maybe I should too.”

It was all fun and games until Ali noticed her wife start to rub her chest over her heart. Her face looked flushed and her lower lip quivered. Ashlyn was thinking about having to say goodbye to her son in the near future. Jacob’s intention to joke around at Ashlyn’s expense had backfired. Ali was worried her wife was going to have an anxiety attack.

“Sweetheart...” Ali said to Jacob as she put a comforting hand on Ashlyn’s thigh. “I think it’s time for you to fess up.”

Ash’s eyes dropped to her wife’s hand and began to realize she didn’t have the full story. 

“Oh, alright. I was having fun messing with her, though.” Jake replied to Ali. 

Ash met her wife’s kind eyes and knew that everything was going to be fine. 

Jacob cleared his throat and said, “I’m following in your footsteps, Mama.” He wore a huge smile on his face when he added, “I’ve been called into camp for the U-20 team.”

“Are you serious?” Ash asked. She was still a little emotional from Jacob’s earlier attempt at messing with her. 

“Yeah. I got a call today from the coach.” Jacob explained. “Can you believe it?”

“Heck yeah, I can believe it!” Ash answered. “In fact, I can’t believe it’s taken this long for them to figure out that you’re the next big thing in US soccer.”

Jacob was glowing with pride. His parents made him feel like he could do anything. 

...

It took 6 months for Jacob to get his first cap with the U-20 men’s team. He was the youngest one on the team at the time, but he fit in well with the rest of the guys. He was a natural.

2 years later Jacob had another announcement for his family...

...

“When are the two of you gonna get married?” Ali asked her son as she nodded towards Rachel. Jacob’s girlfriend was patiently playing monopoly with all of Jake’s younger siblings.

Jacob sat at the kitchen table with both of his parents. They were close enough to watch the family play, but far enough away to have a private conversation. Jake had been attending a college in Virginia for a year and a half. He made sure to come home at least once a week, unless he was away playing soccer. His family meant everything to him. His parents didn’t expect or put pressure on him to visit, he sincerely wanted to be around his family as often as possible. The fact that Rachel went to school nearby also motivated him to come home whenever he could.

“Ooh, gosh.” Jake said. He let out a long breathy sigh and said, “I don’t know. We’ve only dated for 7 years. It might be too soon to be thinking about that.” Jake said in jest.

Ash gave her son’s shoulder a hard pat and said, “Ya gotta lock a good thing down when you get the chance, son.”

“Is that what you did with Mom?” He asked. 

Ashlyn winked at Ali and answered enthusiastically, “You better believe it!”

The three of them shared a laugh before Jake got serious and said, “We’ve talked about it. She wants me to graduate before we get married. She’s gonna be in school a while longer, so we think it would be easier if at least one of us was done.”

“Smart.” Ali said. “I’m really proud of you two. That’s some practical thinking.”

Ashlyn put in her two cents, as well. “You definitely didn’t get that from me.” She laughed and looked lovingly at her wife and explained, “I had no reasonable thoughts when it came to your mother. Practical thinking went out the window. Getting her to marry me became a full-time job.”

Ash looked down at her wedding ring and said in a sober tone, “Maybe marrying her was the most practical thing I could ever do. She was all I needed.”

Ali didn’t say a word. She simply reached for her wife’s hand and gave it a thankful squeeze.

Jacob broke the serious moment with a sound of disgust. “Ugh, you two never change. You’ve been married for like a million years...you would think you would cool off a little bit. All my friends’ parents joke about how marriage is like a prison.”

“Not when you’re with the right person.” Ali replied. She found her wife staring adoringly at her. The two of them, like so many times, were in their own little world. 

“Annnnnnyways....” Jake said, hoping to break up his parents’ love fest. “I have a plan.”

That got Ali and Ashlyn’s attention.

“What’s your plan?” Ali asked. 

Jake answered with a cocky smirk on his face, “Well, whether it’s practical or not, I don’t think she could say no to an Olympian.”

Jacob tried to contain his smile, but it was breaking through. 

“Olympian?” Ash asked in slight confusion.

Jake nodded and explained, “I’ve been given a roster spot for the upcoming Olympics.”

“Are you freaking serious?” Ash asked rhetorically. She lunged toward her son and aggressively pulled him into a hug. “I’m proud of you, son!”

Ali joined them in a bear hug and echoed Ashlyn’s sentiment. Once Jake’s parents had released their grip on him he chuckled and said, “Now remember, it’s the men’s team...so don’t expect much.”

“Shush.” Ali replied. “This is a big deal, sweetheart. You’re representing your country. Just being there, is a huge deal.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Jake answered. He tried to play it off like it wasn’t a big deal, but in all honesty, he was humbled by the privilege and motivated more than ever to make his family proud. 

...

Ashlyn leaned against the frame of the bathroom door and watched her wife as she finished getting ready for bed. She thought back about the news Jacob had shared and was still incredibly overcome by pride. “Our son is going to be an Olympic athlete.” 

“Baby, remember nothing is guaranteed.” Ali replied. Ali thought she was guaranteed a spot on an Olympic roster years ago and an injury changed everything. She was grateful that she got anther chance four years later, but she never forgot the feeling of disappointment that day that she thought her Olympic dreams were lost forever.

“I know. But come on...” Ash said. “Our son is amazing!”

“All our kids are amazing.” Ali corrected. 

Ashlyn couldn’t argue with that answer. The greatest accomplishment of her life was raising a family with Ali. 

...

The Men’s team had made it to the quarterfinals of the Olympics. Jacob was brilliant. His family didn’t miss one game. When his team was eliminated from the tournament he was devastated, but his play had caught the attention of the soccer world. After the Olympics he received offers from clubs all over the world. His parents and girlfriend were positive they were going to lose him to a team in another country. 

As proud as Ali and Ash were to cheer for their son in the Olympics, they were even more proud that he chose to finish school before starting his professional career. 

When he proposed to Rachel, he told her that he would do everything in his power to help her achieve her dream of becoming a doctor. He kept his promise by paying off her school loans the first chance he got and supporting her decision to hold off starting a family of their own until she was established in her career. 

Both of their jobs involved long hours and time away. The only reason it worked was because they worked hard together to make it work...And that was something he had learned by watching his parents over the years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be one more chapter in this story line.


	242. Champion (Part Three)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is based on a prompt request. (Thank you!!!)
> 
> This is a FLASHFORWARD chapter.
> 
> The twins are in kindergarten in this chapter.

After graduating from college, Jacob moved back in with his parents for the short span of time before his wedding. Both he and Rachel picked out a house and Rachel moved in right away to get things ready for the two of them. The couple decided to wait to live together until after they were married. Jake told his parents he was glad to have a few more months as a kid.

Jacob was grateful to be drafted by his hometown team. He brought his entire family to his first practice and took them on a tour of the facility. Jacob didn’t think twice about it. Most rookies would try to impress the club and players, but all Jacob seemed to care about was impressing his family.

...

“You nervous?” Rachel asked. Jake was in his parent’s house packing a bag of all his game day essentials. Jake was stuffing the little teddy bear Bella gave him when he broke his ankle in high school into the duffle bag when Rachel asked.

“Nope.” Jake answered.

Rachel sat on his bed and argued, “Yes, you are.”

“Is that your expert opinion, doctor?”

“Yes.” Rachel answered. She pulled on the front of Jacob’s shirt and brought him down enough for her to kiss him.

“I’m nervous everyone’s not gonna be able to make it.” Jacob added. “I got a family suite, but I also got some tickets in the front row. I thought maybe you, Lex, and Sam might wanna sit up front.”

“That sounds fun.”

“Maybe you can make sure everyone gets in and finds their seats?” Jake suggested.

Rachel smiled at how cute her fiance was being. “Babe, your family, of all people, know how to find their way around a soccer stadium.”

“I know. I guess I just...” Jake zipped up his bag and gave Rachel his full attention. He slightly smiled when he said, “I guess I’m just nervous.”

“I guess so.” Rachel replied. She took Jacob’s hand in her’s and said, “I’m nervous too.”

“You are?” Jacob asked. His fiance wasn’t the nervous type, especially when it came to his soccer playing. She was always very confident in his abilities and quickly reassured him whenever he expressed anxious feelings.

“Yeah. I’m nervous thinking about how you’re gonna get all famous and realize that I’m not that great.”

“You are not.” Jake argued. In his mind there was no chance that Rachel felt that way. They had been best friends since they were 14 years old. Rachel was the only girl he ever loved and now the only woman that would ever be enough for him.

“I am. I still have school and you’re gonna be traveling all over the country. What happens when you become a big famous soccer star and I’m just the same ol’ small town girl who’s a giant nerd stuck studying at home?”

Jacob smiled big and answered, “When have I ever wanted anything other than a big, giant nerd like you?”

“Shut up...” Rachel playfully slapped his arm and added, “I’m trying to be serious. You’re gonna be traveling all over and women are probably gonna throw themselves at you. Why would you ever want to come home to me? I’m boring.”

Jake sat down next to his fiance and pulled her into a side hug. He kept his arm around her waist and answered her fears honestly. “Babe, when have I ever wanted to be anywhere more than home with you and my family?” Jacob kissed the top of Rachel’s head and added, “Besides, I happen to love my small town girl...and the fact that you’re brilliant and beautiful, only makes me love you more. As far as I’m concerned, no one else comes close to your amazingness.”

Rachel giggled and said, “I don’t think ‘amazingness’ is a word.”

“See! How would I ever make it without you? I can’t even talk right without you.”

Rachel sighed in contentment and replied, “You know I feel so lucky to have you, right?”

“Rach, I don’t know where all this is coming from. You’re the only girl for me. You always have been and always will be. I’m still the same kid from the streets who fell in love with a super nerdy, super hot girl, who also happens to be my best friend. You helped me graduate college by doing all of my math homework, for goodness sake. I owe you everything.” Jake said with a short laugh and then added a serious comment. “I’m not interested in anyone but you...EVER...No one can ever compare to you.”

“And no one can ever compare to you.” Rachel replied. The two shared a tender kiss before she continued. “You’re my personal poet. You’ve made me feel things I never knew were possible.”

“Is that a good or a bad thing?” Jake asked in jest.

Rachel chuckled and answered, “Both.” She stood up from her place on the bed and moved to find a seat in her fiance’s lap. With her arms wrapped around Jacob she added, “I love you. Thank you for loving me back.”

“Loving you is the easiest thing in the world.”

...

“Ash?” Ali shouted as she herded the twins into the house. She had picked them up from school and had seen that her wife’s Jeep was parked in the driveway. She wasn’t expecting Ashlyn to be home for another couple of hours.

“I’m down here.” Ashlyn answered.

Ali heard her wife, but couldn’t see were she was. Jamie found her first.

“Mommy, look.” He said and pointed down to the floor of the living room. Ashlyn was lying down next to Sam’s dog, Monster. Both looked like they weren’t planning to move anytime soon.

Ali squatted down next to her wife and asked, “What are you doing down here, my love?”

“I tweaked my back at work. This is the most comfortable spot in the entire house.” Ash answered.

“Ash...” Ali sighed. “Are you gonna be ok for Jake’s game?” Ali asked with concern.

Jamie had his after school snack and juice box that Ali had set out for him and his sister. He laid down next to Ashlyn like it was completely normal for them to be sprawled out on the floor, instead of on the couch or in a chair.

“Mama?” Jamie said as a question. He held the straw to his juice box up to Ashlyn’s lips. He was asking if she wanted to share it with him. He was the most sensitive of the entire family.

Ash momentarily gave her youngest child her full attention and said, “Give me some sugar first.” She puckered her lips up and made loud kissing noises.

“You’re crazy, Mama.” Jamie said before giving his mother the kiss she requested. Ashlyn tickled the boy before stealing a sip of his juice.

Ali thought her wife had forgotten all about the fact that she was still standing there and had asked her a question, but Ash hadn’t forgotten.

“Babe, there’s no way I am missing the game. That’s why I came home early. I’m hoping I can stretch out my back and get it all fixed up before tonight.” Ash said.

Bella had finished her snack in the kitchen and after washing her hands she finally joined them in the living room. She stood behind Ali and hugged her. Her brother was the more emotional of the two of them, but she absolutely adored him. Jamie’s joyful laughter from Ashlyn’s tickle attack, made her face erupt in a big smile.

Ali put an arm around her little girl and pulled her in front of her so she could hug her properly. She instructed her to sit with her on the floor, since it seemed Ash and Jamie weren’t moving anytime soon.

“Baby, did you at least get a massage before leaving work?” Ali asked. Ashlyn and Ali were the owners of a franchise of fitness centers that focused on whole body health. Not only did they have typical gym services, but also nutrition consultations, massage therapy, and children’s health programs.

“Nah. They were all booked up.” Ash answered.

Ali sighed in slight frustration, “Ash, what’s the use of being the boss if you can’t get a massage whenever you want it?”

“Babe, that’s not how we roll over there.” Ashlyn answered.

“I know. I know.” Ali replied. “I just wish that for once you would put yourself first.”

“Babe...” Ash tickled her son’s stomach and said, “...that’s not how we roll here either. And that’s why we are gonna suck it up and hang out with our favorite little dudes at our biggest little dude’s first professional game.”

Ali had no other response but to agree with her youngest child, “You’re crazy.”

...

Rachel led the way with Jacob’s family following behind. She showed everyone the suite and then pointed out a large section of seats towards the sideline and said, “Jacob bought that section out for the season. It’s dedicated to what he is calling Jake’s Kids.” Rachel explained. “Tonight he has the seats filled with kids from foster care. I think the next game will have kids from the local children’s hospital.”

“Our boy is the sweetest!” Ali gushed.

Rachel nodded in agreement and said, “He signed a bunch of stuff for them. He got his teammates to donate too.”

The family barely spent any time in the suite Jacob had gotten for them. They would make good use of it in the future, but for Jake’s first game they all wanted to sit as close to the action as possible.

When Jacob scored his first goal in his first game, he ran to where his family was seated and slid to the ground in front of them with his arms stretched high in celebration. His team piled on top of him and cheered. The ref hurried them back into play, but Jake made sure to form his hands in a heart for his fiance. Lexi and Bella both claimed the gesture was for them, and Jake never corrected them. However, Rachel knew it was just for her.

...

After the game it was too late to take the younger kids out because they had school in the morning, so the family had a time of dessert and celebration at their house. Once the younger kids went to bed, all that was left was Ash, Ali, Lexi, Rachel, and Jacob.

Lexi thoughtfully asked, “So was today the biggest dream come true, or what?”

Jacob understood what his sister was saying but he started to laugh at the thought of the answer. “Honestly...” He said. “This doesn’t even come close.”

Everyone was surprised by Jacob’s words. He could tell that he had confused the room, so he explained, “I think the biggest dream come true for me was when I was adopted and reunited with you and Sam...and of course, meeting and getting engaged to this one over here.” Jake gestured toward his fiance and the two of them shared a smile. “The moment I found out I was cancer free was pretty epic too.” He laughed.

He proudly shared a look with both of his parents and said, “When you guys won the World Cup...”

Jacob went on and on reminiscing the big moments that happened in his family. He never mentioned anything that had to do with his own impressive accomplishments. As always, it was all about his family.

...

“Are you limping?” Jake asked. He had quietly entered the house after taking Rachel home for the night. Ashlyn had a glass of water and was on her way back to bed. She had slept for an hour and woke up with her back feeling worse than ever.

Ash couldn’t deny what her son had clearly seen. “Yeah. I hurt my back at work.”

“Has it been hurting all day?” Jake asked. She had made no mention of it to him all day.

“Yeah...a little bit.”

“I’d say more than a little bit. You’ve got a noticeable limp going on, Mama.” Jake replied. “Did you have someone look at it at your work?”

“No. I’m hoping to get an appointment tomorrow.” Ash answered.

Jacob agreed with his mother’s sentiments from earlier and replied, “Hoping to get an appointment? You’re the owner. Why don’t you just tell them you have an appointment? What are they gonna do? Say no?”

“Son, you know that I would never do that.”

“Maybe you should.”

Ash rolled her eyes at her son and said, “You sound just like your mother.”

“Maybe that’s cuz Mom and I are the only rational thinking adults in this family.” Jacob joked.

“Don’t make me put you over my knee.” Ash threatened.

Jacob just laughed. Apparently threatening to punish him in a way that she had never done before, even when he was a kid, wasn’t much of threat at all.

“You could never catch me with that busted back of yours.” Jake teased.

“Ahhh...” Ash said as she shook her fist in the air. “You got me on that one.”

Ashlyn slowly made her way towards the stairs. She was dreading walking up the stairs with her back out of whack. Before she called it a night, she turned to her son and said, “I’m proud of you, son. Did you know that you’re being called ‘The Magician’ by the media?”

“What? No. Why?”

“Because of the magic you do with your feet.” Ash explained. “I think soon everyone will know your name. But you know what?”

“What?” Jake asked.

“I’m not proud of you because of your skills on the soccer field...” Ash replied.

Jacob scrunched his eyebrows together in confusion. He didn’t reply because he thought his mother must be joking. She constantly told him how proud she was of him. It was odd for him to hear her say otherwise.

“I’m proud of you because of your heart.” Ash said, adding to her out of place statement. “Rachel showed us all of the kids you helped today. You have been blessed with great skills, but your heart is what sets you apart the most, son...and I could not be more proud of you.”

“Thanks, Mama. You and Mom taught us that kindness is important and powerful. I try to remember that whenever I can.”

“Well, you made your Mom cry when Rachel told us about the foster kids you sponsored today. We couldn’t ask for a better son than you.”

Jake walked to meet his mother at the bottom of the stairs and stretched his arm out. “Let me help you.” He let his mother lean on him for support as they walked up the stairs. When they arrived at his parents’ door, Jake kissed Ashlyn’s cheek and said, “It is my honor to wear the name Krieger-Harris on my jersey. I play for you and our family. If I ever accomplish anything worth being proud of it’s because of you.”

Ash took a deep breath to try and slow down the tears that were welling up in her eyes. “Now you have me crying.” She said and fanned her eyes. “Gosh, I love ya.” Ashlyn said, trying to pull herself together.

“Love you, too.”

...

After Jake had dropped his fiance off at their home, she did what she did every night. She sat down at the desk in the spare room they had declared her office and study space, and she opened up a large medical text book. With an open notebook and a highlighter and pen nearby, she studied hard for the next test she had to take.

She had studied for almost two hours. The day had been filled with a lot of fun and celebrating, and she was glad to be a part of it...but she was exhausted. Rachel still had another two chapters to study. She left her place in her office and went to fix herself a pot of coffee. She reached for her usual mug and found a surprise inside.

Jacob had placed a small folded up piece of paper in the cup. He knew that his fiance always studied before she went to sleep. He also knew that she would need a cup of coffee to get through it.

Rachel unfolded the note and saw a few words scribbled next to a doodle. He had drawn a cartoon version of himself with a long beard and a wrinkled face. He drew his arms stretched out and holding a heart. The words were simple, but meant the world to Rachel.

_“My heart is yours to have and to hold. T’will always be, even when we’re old.”_

Rachel smiled at her fiance’s thoughtfulness and sense of humor. He had managed to make her smile during a stressful time and reaffirm his commitment to love her forever.

...

Jacob saw his phone light up at 2am. He had been asleep off and on since telling his mother goodnight hours ago. He stretched out and grabbed his phone. Rachel had sent him three text messages in response to his kind gesture.

Text #1

_“I suck at rhyming. But here goes...”_

Text #2

_“I love you._  
_I love you._  
_I love you.”_

Text #3

_“All the lines rhyme. That still counts. Thank you for your note. I can’t wait to marry you.”_


	243. A Different Kind of Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains a prompt request. (Thank you!)

“Mommy!” Ali heard the cries of her son from the backyard. 

She was catching up with her friends and former national teammates Alex and Tobin, who were visiting the family for the weekend. Jamie’s tearful cry got all three women’s attention. They looked through the open sliding glass doors to find 6 year old Samuel struggling to carry his 2 year old little brother to Ali. Sam held Jamie around his stomach and roughly carried him toward her. Thankfully Ali hurried to meet them outside.

“What happened, sweetheart?” Ali asked. She scooped her little boy up in her arms and held him close.

“Bell bite my finger!” Jamie explained with a fresh rush of tears. He held up his right index finger and showed off his twin sister’s teeth marks.

Ali looked over Jamie’s shoulder and caught her daughter’s guilty stare. “Bella, did you bite your brother.”

Bella nodded her admission of guilt.

“Go sit in the time-out chair until I come and get you.” Ali instructed. 

She watched her youngest daughter walk with her head down in shame to the infamous chair. Lexi and Samuel had spent countless hours in that chair. They felt a mix of sympathy and satisfaction watching their younger sibling get in trouble just like they had many times before.

Ali carried Jamie inside. He was still crying from the pain of the bite, but also the pain of knowing his sister purposely tried to hurt him. 

“Why Mommy?” Jamie asked. He was gasping for air because he was so upset. Ali carried him inside and told her guests that she would join them in a few minutes. She needed to take care of her youngest child.

Jamie asked several times, “Why Mommy?” 

“Why what, baby?” Ali asked. 

“Why Bell bite me?” 

Ali’s heart broke seeing how upset her tender hearted son was. “Jamie, I don’t know why she bit you, but I do know that she feels sorry about it.”

Ali washed the boy’s finger, kissed it, and put a bandaid on it even though the skin wasn’t broken. She knew he would appreciate using one of the camo bandages his big brother, Samuel, had picked out. 

Ali carried him to the kitchen and pulled out an icepack from the freezer. The boy didn’t need it for his finger, but he thought he did. Ali knew that he always seemed to recover quicker when she and Ashlyn made a big deal about his care and recovery. 

Ali rejoined Alex and Tobin in the living room and said, “Do you mind holding your namesake while I visit Bella in time-out?” 

Tobin gladly took the boy, who had her middle name as his own, from Ali’s arms. Ali gave him an encouraging pep talk and told him that because he was so brave she would get him a popsicle after she talked to his sister. Jamie’s mouth curled up into a small smile and revealed to the women that he was starting to feel much better about his finger. 

After a few minutes Ali returned with Bella in her arms. The little girl was crying because she felt so bad about hurting her brother. 

“What do you want to say to Jamie?” Ali asked as she held the girl close to Jamie. 

Bella wiped her eyes and after a sniffle said, “I sorry, Jame.” 

Ali asked, “Jamie, do you forgive Bella for hurting you?”

Jamie nodded yes before saying, “I forgive Bell.”

“Do you wanna play with Lexi and Sammy outside?” Ali asked the twins.

Both children said that they would. They both walked with an arm around each others’ shoulders toward the backyard. Jamie stopped suddenly and the women watched him cup his hands around his mouth and whisper something to his sister. Bella copied his secret telling ways and whispered something back to him. 

The two of them turned and walked back to Ali. Jamie pulled on Ali’s pant leg and motioned for her to bend down toward him. He had to tell her a secret too.

Ali let him whisper loudly into her ear. Tobin and Alex easily heard what he had requested. Ali took both twins by the hand and walked with them to the kitchen. She pulled out two popsicles for the little ones to enjoy. Once they had their frozen treats in hand, they ran outside to play with their older brother and sister. 

“You are awesome!” Alex announced once Ali had returned to sit with them. “You weren’t fazed at all. How do you do it?”

Ali laughed, “You mean with 5 kids and a wife who pushes herself too hard and thinks she’s indestructible?” Ali asked. “We have injuries and meltdowns just about every day around here. Ya get used to it after a while.” 

Alex nodded towards her wife. Tobin looked like she was daydreaming. Whatever she was thinking about had taken her attention away from her wife and Ali. 

“Is she ok?” Ali asked.

Alex smiled, “She’s freaking out. I think she’s traumatized by your children.” 

Alex was laughing, but Ali didn’t get the joke. “What do you mean?” Ali asked.  

"I’m pregnant.” Alex announced. “I think she is seeing our future and is overwhelmed.” 

Ali stood from her seat on the couch and hugged her friend. “Congratulations! You two are gonna love being parents. It’s the best thing ever!’

Alex looked at her wife and hoped that Ali was right. She had confidence in Tobin’s parenting abilities. She just needed Tobin to believe it too.”

Tobin rubbed her temples and joined her wife and friend back in the real world. She stayed quiet, hoping that no one noticed she had checked out for a while. 

“Welcome back.” Alex said sweetly. 

“Huh? What?” Tobin replied. She swallowed hard.

“I heard you and Alex are gonna be parents.” Ali said, letting Tobin know what she had missed. 

“Oh...yeah. I mean...yup. She’s gonna...Um...Alex is preg....” Tobin stuttered. She cleared her throat nervously.

Ali put her hand on Tobin’s knee and said, “Did Ash ever tell you how freaked out she was when we first fostered Lex and Sam? She was so worried that she wouldn’t be enough for them. She went on and on about not knowing how to help them and worrying about messing them up.”

“Really?” Tobin asked. 

“Really.” Ali answered. “But you know what? I always knew that she would be great. I knew that she was the right person to love them and care for them. You’ll see, Tobs. You’re gonna be an awesome mom.”

Tobin smiled nervously and said, “Thanks. I guess you’re right. Everyone is nervous at first, right?”

“Absolutely.” Ali answered.

Just as Tobin was starting to feel better, Samuel interrupted the women. The 6 year old mischievous boy was covered from head to toe with mud. He had gotten the hose and made a muddy mess of his mother’s garden. Jamie trailed behind him with a muddy face and hands. Bella followed behind both of them with a big smile on her face. 

“Mommy, Jamie ate a worm.” Sam informed proudly. It was Bella who suggested to her twin to eat the gross creature. She was extremely satisfied that her brother did what she asked.

Lexi stood behind the entire group completely grossed out. She got her mother’s immediate attention when she said, “Mommy, I’m gonna throw up.” The poor girl was so disgusted that she couldn’t keep the contents of her stomach where they belonged.

Tobin’s confidence disappeared as Ali excused herself one more time to take care of her wild children.

...

 

Ashlyn arrived home later than she would have liked knowing that her friends were at the house visiting. She hurried inside and apologized profusely for having to stay at work for so long. 

“Hey, baby.” Ali said. She waited for her usual greeting. Once Ash kissed her she said, “It’s fine. No need to apologize.” 

“Yeah, but Tobin and Alex are here.” Ash said quietly to her wife. 

She thought she had spoken quiet enough so that no one heard, but Alex let it be known that she hadn’t. “Ash, it’s fine. We’ve been hanging out with your crazy kids and wife. It’s been great!”

“Were the kids crazy?” Ash asked Ali. 

Ali laughed and pulled Ashlyn by the hand towards Alex and Tobin. “They were their sweet, normal selves.”

“So....they were crazy.” Ash said with a smile.

“Yeah, basically.” Ali replied. 

Tobin couldn’t imagine what life must be like for Ash and Ali. She didn’t know how they did it. She definitely didn’t think that she was going to be able to do it. While Ali filled her wife in on the hi-jinx of the day, Tobin sat quietly and daydreamed about the disaster of a parent she was destined to be. Alex caught her zoning out and made a comment that Tobin didn’t hear.

“Ash, do you think you could take Tobin out for a walk, or something?” Alex asked. Once the women were all looking at Tobin it became clear that she wasn’t paying attention.

“What’s wrong with her?” Ash asked. She stared at Tobin, wondering if she would look up at her.

“She’s freaked out about something. She wants to be the one to tell you about some news, but it has to do with a big change.” Alex explained. 

Ali already knew the news of Alex’s pregnancy so she encouraged her wife to do as her friend had asked without curiously probing for more details. Ashlyn grabbed Monster’s leash and invited Tobin to join them for a walk.

...

“Can I ask you a question?” Tobin asked. They had been walking for a good fifteen minutes in complete silence. Ashlyn didn’t mind. There was a comfort level between the two that didn’t require words.

“Of course.” Ash answered. She had been waiting for Tobin to open up since they had left.

“How do you do it? 5 kids, man...How do you do it?” 

Ash’s smiled slightly, realizing that Tobin’s big announcement must have to do with children.

“It’s crazy, right?” Ash said. She rubbed the back of her neck and said, “Ali does most of the hard stuff.” She laughed and added, “I just show up for dinner.”

“Ash...” Tobin said in a sober, nervous tone. “I’m being serious.”

“So am I.” Ashlyn smiled. She saw that her friend was not smiling with her so she got serious too. “Look, having kids is the hardest job in the world. It’s going to change everything. But it’s also the greatest job in the world.”

“When I got married to Lex, I knew I could deal with the settling down and commitment thing because it was with her. She can take care of herself, ya know? If I mess up she’s able to know that I messed up and not let it mess her up. Having a kid is like the hugest responsibility ever. I just don’t know if I would make a good parent.”

“Dude, you’re gonna be a great parent.” 

“But how do you know?” Tobin asked. “Lex is the one who packs my bags and keeps me from forgetting my passport when we travel. What if one day I forget our baby and fly to Paris, or something. Who’s gonna take care of the baby?” 

Tobin was in serious freak out mode. Ashlyn stopped walking and let Monster sniff a few of their neighbor’s bushes. “Tobin, you need to relax. You are absolutely right that having a kid is super scary. You might even forget your baby once or twice, but you’ll remember eventually.”

“You are not making me feel any better!” Tobin complained anxiously. 

Ashlyn put her hand on Tobin’s shoulder and explained, “You’re gonna make mistakes. But the most important thing you have to get right is loving your kid...and loving your kid is the easiest thing in the world.”

“I just don’t want to mess up.”

“I know. And I guarantee that you will mess up. But kids don’t need you to be perfect. They just need to know that you are there and that you love them.” Ash started thinking back about her own journey into parenthood. “I remember talking to Ali about having a family. It was when she was still with her ex and I was all alone in this world. I told Ali that my life and family was so messed up that I should just let my name die with me.” Ash smiled when she remembered how her best friend argued with her and did her best to convince her that she would be a great mother. 

“Tobs...” Ash said, “You are looking at this all wrong.”

“What do you mean?” Tobin asked.

Ash smiled and whistled for Monster to come to her. She pulled out a treat from her pocket and fed it to him as a reward for his obedience. “You’re freaking out about the huge scary responsibility of having kids, but you’re missing something else about having a baby.”

Tobin leaned in close, as if Ash was about to tell her the most important secret of her life, “What is it?”

“Having a baby with the woman you love is the greatest adventure you could ever embark on.” Ashlyn smiled and added, “Imagine surfing the biggest wave, or climbing Everest. Those things don’t even come close!”

Ashlyn gave Tobin a new perspective. The circumstances were the same. The truth was that a baby was going to rock her and Alex’s world forever. The weight of responsibility was still present, but now Tobin felt like maybe it was something to be excited about. 

The two walked with Monster back to Ash and Ali’s house. Right before they started walking up the driveway Tobin asked, “Hey Ash...do you think the baby will love me?”

“Without a doubt.” Ash answered.

“How do you know?”

“Because you’re his or her mother.”

“It’s that simple?” Tobin asked.

Ash smiled and roughly patted her friend on the back and answered confidently, “Yeah.”

...

Ali pressed her body up against the back of her wife and said, “Alex told me you really helped Tobin.” 

“Oh...I don’t know if I helped her. I just helped clear some things up for her.” Ashlyn replied. 

All the kids had gone to bed, as well as their guests. The couple finally had some quiet time alone. Ali started to kiss her wife’s neck when she heard it...

Ashlyn’s stomach growled loudly.

“Hmm...” Ash hummed. “I never ate dinner.” Ash said, with the excitement of having her friends over she completely forgot.

Ali let her face drop onto her wife’s shoulder and said, “Baby, I am so sorry. I totally forgot. You came home after we ate. Your food has been sitting in the microwave for 5 hours.”

“Don’t worry about it, babe. It’s no big deal.” 

“It is a big deal. You have been working so hard. The least I can do is remember to feed you.” Ali argued. Ashlyn followed Ali out of their bedroom as she made her way to the kitchen.

“Alex, it’s too late to eat now.” Ash said. She stopped her wife from searching the fridge for something to feed her. 

“Ashlyn, I’m supposed to make sure you eat.” 

Ashlyn smiled. “You know, I told Tobin that you do all the hard stuff and I just show up for dinner.” She laughed at the irony of this situation and added, “You deserved a break. Why don’t you and Alex take Lexi tomorrow to do your nails and hair and stuff, and Tobin and I will take care of the rest of the kids.”

“Ashlyn, I don’t think that’s what Tobin needs right now. She needs to be encouraged to have kids, not traumatized for life.” Ali joked. 

“Babe, it will be good for her. Sam will be a huge help with the twins, especially because he will want to impress Tobin. It will be fine. Go have a fun girly day.” 

...

“Uhh...I’m starving, woman!” Ash announced. She playfully smacked her wife’s butt and helped herself to two pieces of bacon from the skillet. 

Ali swatted her hand away and directed her to the table where the rest of the family was, including their visitors. Ash knew one child in particular who loved bacon. She gave Samuel one of the pieces she stole and after taking a bite from her own piece she looked into the saddest set of brown eyes she had ever seen. Jacob was giving her a guilt trip. He was her oldest. He was her hungriest. She should have stolen a piece for him too.

Ashlyn surrendered the rest of her bacon to her favorite teenager and sulked in her seat. Her show of sadness didn’t last long because her wife served her plate first. It contained a double portion of everything.

Alex and Tobin made fun of Ali for showing Ashlyn special treatment compared to the rest of the group, but Ali didn’t care. She was making up for starving her wife the night before. 

“I still don’t understand why she gets so much food. I’m the one with the high metabolism.” Jake complained. “She could’ve made her own dinner...or gotten something on the way home. She’s a grown woman.” He was mostly joking.

“Sweetheart, you know I like to keep my family fed and you also know that if I didn’t take care of your mother she would waste away and die.” Ali answered. Ashlyn nodded along with her mouth full of food. “But yes...she is a grown woman and she can make her own food...” Ali winked at her wife and added, “but she would probably die of food poisoning.”

Ashlyn almost choked on her food. Ali started off the morning being sweet and wonderful, she wasn’t expecting her to turn on her. “Hey!” Ash objected with puffy cheeks from the toast, eggs, and bacon she stuffed in her mouth all at once.

“Baby, you know I love you.” Ali replied to her wife’s objection. She poked her cheek with her finger before patting her on the head. 

Ash swallowed the food in her mouth and said, “You think you’re so funny.” Sam sat across from her and covered his mouth to try and hide the fact that he was laughing at his Mama. Ashlyn looked right at him and asked, “What are you laughing at, Bam? Do you think Mommy’s funny?”

Sam dramatically shook his head and answered, “Yes!”

Ali gave her son an extra serving of bacon and told him that she loved his smile. Which was true, but what she really loved was the fact that he was siding with her and not Ashlyn. This was a rare occurrence in the Krieger-Harirs house.

“Traitor.” Ash mumbled under her breath about her son. Ali winked at her and smiled innocently, but Ashlyn knew there was nothing innocent about her wife’s motives.

“Lexi, how would you like to hang out with Alex and I? We are going to have a spa day!” Ali announced. 

Lexi’s face lit up. The 8 year old adored Alex. She lived for days when she could spend time with her mother and Alex without the smelly boys in her family annoying her and being loud. At least that’s how she described them. 

“Yes, can I really go Mommy?” Lexi asked excitedly.

Alex smiled wide and said, “Lex, we are gonna get the works done today. Full mani-pedis, hair cuts, massages, and whatever else we can think of.” 

The little girl looked to Ali for confirmation. She wanted to be sure that she really was invited. Ali gave her daughter a thumbs up and Lexi tried to finish her breakfast as fast as she could. She couldn’t wait to get outta the house and get pampered with the other two Alexandra’s in her life.

“Tobin, are you ready for this?” Alex asked her wife. 

Samuel quickly chewed his food and patted Tobin on the back and said, “We can handle it, Toby.” 

The adults and Jake laughed at Sam’s confidence. Jamie yelled his own version of Sam’s statement, “Handle it, Toby!”

Alex looked forward to hearing all about her wife’s adventures with the Krieger-Harris kids.

...

“Come on, Toby!” Sam encouraged with excitement. He held out his hand to Tobin and waited for her to take it before continuing on a rocky part of the path they were hiking on. In his mind he was being a gentleman and making sure that she stayed safe on their hike. 

Jacob had his baby sister on his back, while Ash carried Jamie. They would occasionally let the twins walk on their own, but their little legs slowed them down and wore out quickly. 

“Mama, look!” Sam yelled and ran up a steep hill. He stopped at the top and waited for the rest of the group. “I made it first.” Sam said proudly. 

“Good job, Bam.” Ashlyn replied. She kept her eye on the boy, knowing that at any moment his hyper active energy could send him sprinting down the other side of the hill. 

“Watch how fast I can run down there, Mama.” Samuel said. 

“No, buddy. Stay right there.” Ash shouted. 

Sam didn’t understand why his mother wouldn’t want him to show his quickness. He had an idea that he thought would really impress her. “Mama, don’t worry. I’ll run down and come back up so fast you won’t miss me.”

Sam ran as fast as he could to the bottom of the hill, did a karate kick in celebration, and then ran back up. As he reached the top his foot slipped and he went flying. Tobin’s reflexes took over and she managed to catch him before his face met the jagged rocks on the ground beneath him. 

“Nice catch, Tobs.” Ash cheered. 

Samuel looked up at his rescuer and said, “Did you see how fast I ran?”

“Yes.” Tobin answered. “Very impressive.”

“Hey Sam-Bam, I need you to do me a favor.” Ashlyn said. “I need you to hold on to Tobin’s hand for the rest of the hike. I’m worried she might fall down and hurt herself. Can you do that for me, bud?”

“Yee-up!” Samuel answered. He was eager to keep Tobin safe. 

The boy held tightly to Tobin the rest of the hike. There was no more showing off, unless it happened with his hand firmly held by his BFF, Tobin.

...

“I’d say you did pretty well, considering you spent the day with 2 toddlers and a Sam-Bam.” Ash said, complimenting Tobin’s care giving skills.

Tobin smiled and leaned into her wife. She was exhausted from having to pay attention all day long. She slouched down low on the couch until her head was level with Alex’s bicep. She closed her eyes and replied to Ashlyn, “Your kids are awesome.” 

“They sure love you.” Ali replied to her yawning friend.

Keeping her eyes shut she answered, “Not as much as your wife. All day long they tried to impress her and get her to smile. I thought I had some kind of clout with Sam, but it was all about Ashlyn...all day long.”

“Welcome to my world.” Ali said after rolling her eyes. “They spend all day with me, but the moment they hear Ash’s Jeep pull into the driveway they run to the door to greet her.” Ali elbowed her wife in the ribs before she leaned in and kissed her cheek. Ali added, “I don’t really blame them, though. My wife is pretty great.”

“You two are the cutest.” Alex said. 

Ashlyn put her arm around her wife and said, “They are the same way when they’re with me all day. They miss you like crazy, babe. You saw how excited they were when you guys got home from your spa day.”

Ali met Alex’s eyes with her own and said, “That’s how it’s gonna be with your little one. The connection and love will be the most amazing thing you’ve ever experienced.”

“Even more amazing than our connection?” Ash asked, trying to put her wife on the spot. 

Ali didn’t miss a beat when she answered, “Not more amazing...just a different kind of amazing.”

Ash gave her a lazy thumbs up as she followed Tobin’s example and cuddled into her wife. Now that the house was quiet and calm after the kids had gone to bed, she was ready to get some rest too. Ashlyn fought her heavy eyelids for as long as she could but after a yawn, she let her eyes close and she fell asleep on Ali’s shoulder.

“They’re adorable. Even when they’re unconscious.” Alex said and smiled down at her wife.

“Yeah...Ash told me she purposely planned things that would wear Tobin out. She said she wanted to show her that she could handle an exhausting day.”

“Thank her for me.” Alex replied. “Tobin told me she feels much better about having a baby. She was really freaked out about the responsibility and worried about letting our future children down. But after Ash talked to her and their day together today, she feels much more confident. I have always been confident in her ability to be a good mother. For me there was never a doubt, but for some reason she has really questioned herself. I think a lot of it has to do with how close she was to her parents before they treated her so poorly when we got engaged.”

“I thought her mom tried to make up with her.” 

“She did. And I am grateful. But Tobin can’t shake the feeling of being rejected by them. She never in a million years would’ve thought her parents would treat her that way. It broke her heart.” Alex explained. “It haunts her. The reality that a loving set of parents could one day change so drastically toward their child. I think that’s the biggest reason she has questioned herself.”

“Tobin would never do that, though.” Ali said.

Alex placed a kiss on the top of Tobin’s messy hair covered head and replied, “I know. And I think deep down she knows it too.”

Alex and Ali chatted for a few more minutes before Jacob returned home from a date with Rachel. The women were sitting in his temporary bedroom. He always gave up his room for guests and slept on the couch. Ali and Alex woke up their wives and called it a night. 

...

Ali thought she heard her daughter cry in a dream. When she woke up and listened to the baby monitor, she didn’t hear anything. She rolled over and went back to sleep. The next morning she sent Ashlyn to check on the kids while she got breakfast ready with Alex. Ashlyn interrupted the women and told them to follow her. 

They followed Ashlyn upstairs to the twins’ room. What they saw made their hearts melt. 

Tobin fell asleep sitting up in Bella’s bed with both twins in her lap and Samuel and Monster cuddled close to her side. 

“She’s a natural.” Ali said. 

Alex teared up when she answered, “I know.”

...

Tobin woke up long after her wife and friends had caught her being cute with sleeping children. All the children had gone except Jamie, who was giving Samuel competition for the cuddliest Kreiger-Harris child. Tobin held her 2 year old namesake in her arms and noticed someone else had joined her in bed. Ashlyn was wide awake, sitting next to her.

“How long have you been here?” Tobin asked.

Ashlyn scratched her son’s back lovingly. He squirmed a little and woke up enough to climb into her arms and fall back to sleep. “After breakfast I came in here.” Ash answered. She kissed her boy’s head and added, “That was about 20 minutes ago.”

“He’s a sweet kid.” Tobin said, nodding toward Jamie. 

“Yeah, he’s pretty great. I think you officially have another boyfriend.” Ashlyn joked, referring to Samuel claiming Tobin years ago as his special girlfriend.

“Don’t tell Alex.” Tobin replied. The women shared a laugh before she added, “I don’t know why I was so freaked out. I love your kids so much, ya know? I know I will love my kids even more. I guess it’s knowing you can’t give the kid back to their parent when they start to cry or get difficult that freaked me out.”

Ash laughed. She knew exactly what her friend was thinking. There were plenty of times she wished she could hand one of her misbehaving children off to someone else to deal with while she went and lived a carefree life. 

“Being an ‘aunt’ is fun...but being a parent is so much better.” Ashlyn promised. “You get moments like these all the time.” Ash added. She squeezed her youngest child closer to her to make her point to Tobin. “I work long hours these days and it would be a lot easier if I didn’t have to worry about spending time with my kids or providing for them...but the work...my life...EVERYTHING...wouldn’t mean as much. You don’t have to have kids to be happy. Parenting isn’t for everyone, but I think having kids opens you up to a whole new level of happiness you could never experience without them. It’s a happiness that doesn’t revolve around you. It’s about them.”

“What do you mean?” Tobin asked. She was ready to get a little deeper with her friend.

“It’s an unselfish kind of happiness. When Jacob scores a goal, or Lexi twirls like the beautiful ballerina she dreams to be...When Sam creates a whole new world through his imagination and makes sure to always include his family in it with him...When little Bella tries to copy everything Ali does...and then this guy.” 

Ash started getting choked up just thinking about how much she loved her children. “It’s just a different kind of love.” She said, finishing her thought.

Tobin was beginning to understand. She not only understood, but she was longing to have the same bond with a child that she witnessed every time she visited her friends and their kids.

She felt that her greatest adventure of all for her would be the adventure of motherhood.


	244. Your Time

When Ashlyn returned home from work she was met with a surprise. First off, there were no rambunctious children racing to greet her. In fact, the house was oddly quiet and calm. 

“Babe.” Ash called out. 

She searched through her gym bag for her phone. She checked to see if Ali had sent her a text or left a voicemail message about going somewhere with the kids. She worried she may have forgotten to meet them somewhere. There were no missed messages from her wife. There were plenty of work messages, but she would worry about those later.

“Al?” Ash called out to her wife once more before dialing Ali’s cell number.

No answer.

As Ash made her way through the house in search for answers, the second surprise of the evening was standing at the top of the stairs waiting for her.

Ashlyn’s breath was taken away. Her wife wore only a black lingerie with a smile on her face that told Ash that she was in for some fun. Ash quickly made her way to her and greeted her with a heated kiss. Now it was Ali’s turn to be breathless. 

Out of breath Ashlyn asked, “The kids?”

“We have two hours.” Ali answered. She gripped her wife tightly and wrapped her legs around Ash’s waist. Ash carried her into their bedroom.

Ali had candles lit and spread out on every surface she could safely put them. Their bed was covered in rose pedals and she had soft romantic music playing from the speakers of her laptop.

“Babe, how did you have time to do this?” Ash asked. “Where are the kids?”

Ali put her finger over her wife’s lips and said, “This is no time for talking.”

Ashlyn wasn’t going to argue. She laid her wife down on their bed and pressed a hard kiss against her lips. Ali’s hands wandered over Ashlyn’s body as Ash dropped her focus to her neck. Ali moaned in pleasure and thought nothing of the mark she would have to cover up from the work of her wife’s lips.

Both women felt that two hours wasn’t close to enough time.

...

“Mama!” Samuel exclaimed loudly when he saw his parents walk through the entrance to the pizza place. The Krieger-Harris kids had spent a few hours with Annie and Sam’s best friend, Joey. Ash bent down just enough to catch her son as he leapt into her arms. She gave him a big hug and Ali pouted next to them. 

For once, Samuel noticed. He leaned toward her and said, “Don’t worry Mommy, I missed you too.” Sam had some big news to share with his parents. “Guess what?” He said eagerly. “I got an A on my spelling test!” 

Ash and Ali had spent all week helping him study. Ali made flash cards and Ash drew pictures to help him visually remember each words’ definition. He was beaming with pride. 

Weeks ago his teacher had sent a note home with him expressing concern over the hyperactive boy’s grades. Ali and Ashlyn had a serious talk with him about trying his best and not comparing himself to others. They tried to balance the need to express the importance of an education and trying hard with making sure he knew that good grades weren’t as important as other things. He would never get the same consistently high grades as Lexi, but he was a smart and kind kid, who never ceased to make his parents proud.

“Good job, sweetheart!” Ali exclaimed. She gave her son a plethora of congratulatory kisses and promised to make him his favorite chocolate peanut butter cupcakes to celebrate. Ashlyn gave him a piggy back ride whenever he wanted for the rest of the night and told him he could pick out a new superhero toy later. 

Annie had led both of the twins by the hand to their parents. After Sam’s joyful reunion with his parents, Ali and Ash took a toddler apiece and held them while they searched for their two oldest children. They found Jake and Lexi with Rachel and Joey at the skee ball games. 

Sam jumped off of Ashlyn’s back and showed his parents that he had found the best way to get the most tickets from the machine. Jacob handed him one of the balls and Samuel climbed up to where the holes were and dropped the ball into the middle one that gave the most points.

“Samuel, thats cheating!” Ali scolded. 

Ashlyn just shook her head and fought a smile. She remembered doing the exact same thing when she was younger.

Ali turned toward her oldest child and asked in disapproval, “How could you encourage him to do that?”

Rachel answered for him, “I told him not to.”

“Me too, Mom.” Lexi added. She wanted to make it clear that she had nothing to do with the shenanigans of her brothers. 

Ali took in a sharp breath and gave her wife a sad look. Ashlyn caught the sadness, but had no idea where it was coming from. Ali wore a fake smile and hugged her two oldest children and their friends.

“Give them to me.” Annie said as she stretched her arms out to take Bella and Jamie. She whispered to Ali, “I’m still on duty.” She winked at her and suggested to the twins that they play in the baby and toddler game area. 

Ashlyn put her arm around her wife’s shoulder and pulled her into a side hug. “You ok?” Ash asked. The kids were paying attention to playing games and winning tickets. The women were able to speak openly. 

“Did you hear that?” Ali asked in partial disappointment and unbelief.

Ash leaned in and asked, “Hear what?”

Ali answered, “Lexi called me ‘mom.’ She’s growing up too fast. I want to be her ‘mommy’ forever.”

“Babe, is that all?” Ash laughed. “She probably didn’t mean it to be some profound move into another era of childhood.” Ashlyn said, continuing to laugh.

Ali elbowed her in the side and warned, “Don’t laugh. Our babies are growing up. How much longer do you think you’re gonna be able to carry Sam around? Those days are almost gone.”

That was all Ali needed to say to bring her wife to her level of depression.

“Why would you say that?” Ash asked. She sounded offended that Ali would even bring it up. “You are the one who ages. Not me. You’re not allowed to make me feel old and sad about our children getting too big to cuddle with me.”

Ali held back a sympathetic smile and apologized. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. You and our children will be young forever.”

Ali hugged Ash before adding, “Do you feel better?”

“Even though I know you’re full of crap...yeah, I do feel a little bit better.”

...

“This has been nice.” Ash said. She put her hand around her wife’s waist as they waited in line to order pizza for their hungry group. 

Ali took a breath to steady her nerves. She had something important to talk about with Ashlyn. She had planned the perfect night to get her wife in the right mood to hear what was on her heart.

Ash didn’t know Ali was waiting for the perfect moment to share her heart. When the moment came, Ash used it for her own news. 

“So, I’ve been thinking...” Ash said. “...It’s about time to open another location. We are outgrowing our space. I’ve looked at a few different buildings already. We did a demographic of the different areas and there’s one in particular that is looking really good.” 

Ashlyn’s business was growing faster than anyone could have expected. She had finally found a good balance between family and work. Adding another location would steal her away from her family again. Ali knew her wife’s fitness center was a huge success, but she didn’t expect to start all over again at another location. 

“Baby, are you sure you want to go through starting a new location? Remember how hard it was when we first started out?” Ali asked. She felt her blood pressure rising by the second.

“Babe, it won’t be as bad as it was when we first started. We’ve got a good staff now. We know what we’re doing. It won’t be easy, but it will be a piece of cake compared to what we had just starting out.” Ash answered. “Now we won’t be risking our life savings. The business account will cover the start up costs.”

“Yeah...” Ali said in agreement. Ashlyn had taken the wind out of Ali’s sails. She had some hopeful expectations for tonight, but Ashlyn’s future plans seemed to make her’s impossible. “Are you sure this is what you want?” Ali asked, trying to hide her disappointment. 

“Yeah, of course. Our business is a success. Why wouldn’t we want to keep growing?” Ash asked rhetorically. “This is what we risked everything for.” Ashlyn took her wife by the shoulders and said, “This is all because of you, Alex. You believed in me...and supported me...and you’ve kept this family together. I’m so lucky to have you.”

Ali couldn’t focus on her disappointment for long. She had watched Ashlyn overcome the heartbreaking setback of having to retire early from her lifetime dream of playing soccer. She witnessed her wife go back to school and spend countless frustrating hours studying and working on assignments, all while still giving as much of herself as she could to her and their children. Ashlyn really struggled the first few months when they officially started the company, but she never gave up. And now that hard work was paying off.

There was no doubt that none of these things could have been accomplished without Ali, but the fact that Ashlyn had persevered through it all was something that amazed her. She didn’t feel right about making things harder for her now.

“Baby, I am so proud of you.” Ali replied. She pulled her wife into a hug and decided to keep her own thoughts of their future together to herself. 

Her future plans would have to wait.

...

“Come on in.” Ali whispered. 

Annie had come the next morning to pick up Joey. Ali told her to come a little early so they could talk before everyone woke up. 

“Did my little angel behave for you?” Annie asked with a smile. Her son was the quieter more calm boy when compared to Samuel. 

Ali stifled a laugh and answered, “He was great. Sammy, on the other hand...” 

Ali didn’t continue with an explanation, but she could have told her about the top secret mission Sam and Joey went on to sneak cookies in the middle of the night. Samuel had a glass filled with milk and when Ashlyn caught them in the kitchen he threw the milk on the floor and walked like a zombie. He was trying to look like he was sleep walking. Joey stood by in complete shock. He didn’t say a word or move a muscle. He was used to his friend getting him into precarious situations and had learned that the best way to stay out of trouble was to let Sam handle his parents.

Annie laughed along with Ali and knew there was an endless amount of potential trouble her son and Sam could get into. She was just thankful that both boys were innocent in their mischief. They would never purposely hurt anyone.

“So, you didn’t talk to Ash did you?” Annie asked. It was time to get serious.

Ali nodded toward the kitchen and Annie followed her to the table. Ali had two coffee mugs set out on the counter and filled each one. After the women finished fixing their coffee with just the right amount of cream and sugar, Ali shared what was on her heart.

“I can’t do it.” Ali said. “Everything is going so well for her. It’s just not the right time. I can’t leave the kids and I definitely can’t take her best employee away from her.” Ali sighed and added, “I’m sorry.”

“I understand.” Annie said, sounding disappointed. “But you should still tell her.”

The women hadn’t noticed, but they weren’t the only ones awake at the early hour.

“Tell me what?” Ash asked. 

Ali’s closed her eyes. She held her breath, hoping that somehow what was happening was only a dream. When she looked up she saw her wife wearing her running clothes and holding her phone and headphones. She was obviously up early to go for a run. 

Ali bit her lip and searched her brain for an answer that would appease Ashlyn.

The voice of their oldest son saved her from an awkward conversation.

“Why is everyone up?” Jake asked. He knew why Ash was awake, but was surprised to see they had a visitor so early in the morning. 

Annie answered for Ali, “I’m here to pick up Joey.”

“Oh.” Jake replied. “I don’t think he’s up yet.” He patted Ash on the back and asked, “You ready?” 

Ashlyn nodded that she was, but kept her eyes on her wife. There was something going on, and she needed to know.

“Oh, Mom...” Jake interrupted again. “I caught Sam and Joey going through my sock drawer. I think they might be up to something.”

“Something that needs socks, apparently.” Annie said. She was doing all she could to keep the conversation light.

Ashlyn sighed sadly and took her eyes off of her wife. She turned to Jacob and said, “Let’s go, son.”

The two left without another word.

...

Ashlyn signed an order for repair on an exercise machine and thanked the man who had fixed it. As he was leaving her office, Annie poked her head in and said, “You have a visitor.”

Ashlyn wasn’t expecting anyone for at least an hour. “I thought you said I had a break from appointments.” Ash replied.

“You do. This is a last minute addition.” Annie answered. 

Ash was a little annoyed. She was worn out because of work and emotionally drained because she had been thinking about her wife’s strange behavior all day. It made her think about a lot of other things too.

“Sorry. I know you’re super important and busy.” The visitor’s voice said from behind the door. 

Ash knew immediately who it was. 

Ali pushed the door open and smiled. “Do you have a few minutes?”

“Yeah.” Ash answered.

Ali squeezed Annie’s hand as she walked past her and said, “I know. A little birdie told me.”

“I thought so.” Ash replied. 

Annie had filled Ali in on Ashlyn’s schedule often. It was the only way Ali stayed sane. Ash used to have to work extra long hours and would forget to call her wife. Annie was a step ahead of her and took care of it. She would also let Ali know when Ash looked stressed or sick. It was convenient having such a close friend help run things. 

Annie knew why Ali had come, so she quickly gave them their privacy. 

“Why are you here?” Ash asked once Annie had left and shut the door behind her.

Ali sat in a chair across from Ashlyn and answered, “I’ve been thinking...the other day I noticed your arms. They are impressive.” 

Ashlyn sat back in her desk chair and crossed her arms over her chest. She tried to nonchalantly squeeze her biceps to see if there was any validity to her wife’s comment.

Ali continued, “I think maybe it’s time you start training me. I need to stay in shape. We’re not getting any younger.”

“You came here to ask me to train you?” Ash asked.

Ali nodded her head yes, but answered, “No.”

“Why are you here, Alex?”

“Because I didn’t know how much you overheard this morning. But I think I know now.”

“What does that mean?” Ash asked. 

Ali took in the stacks of papers on Ashlyn’s desk and absent-mindedly straightened them into piles. She picked up a few loose paper clips and returned them to their holder before answering. 

“Annie told me you cancelled your meeting with the realtor about that new place you’re looking at. And the way you’ve been acting since this morning proves that you’re disappointed and conflicted about something. I think that you overheard some things this morning that have changed your mind about expanding the business.

“Alex, it’s ok.” Ash replied. “You know....You have always been better at the parenting thing than me.”

Ali wanted to argue, but Ash held her hand up as a sign that she needed to let her finish.

“You’ve been better at managing our house and kids...heck, even better at managing me.” Ash said. “I never meant for you to feel like you were stuck doing those things and that you can’t do anything else. I couldn’t live with myself if I knew that you kept from doing something you loved because of me.”

“Ash, it’s not that simple.” Ali argued.

“Alex, I need you to stop being so supportive and start doing what you want to do.”

Ali stood up from her chair and walked around the desk between them to sit in her wife’s lap. “Baby, I am doing what I want. I promise you. I’m happy.”

“Then why are you hiding something from me?” Ash asked. 

Ali wanted to cry when she heard the hurt in her wife’s voice. 

“Ashlyn...” She took a deep breath and continued, “I don’t want to do anything that would ruin what we have here.” She gestured to the room, but meant the entire business. “This makes you happy. We have invested our entire life savings into this place. It’s success is important to me for more than just practical financial reasons. MY TIME can wait until the twins are in school. It’s only a couple more years.”

“Your time...” Ash repeated. She hated thinking that their ‘time’ couldn’t happen simultaneously.

“Baby, don’t feel bad. I am incredibly happy doing what I’m doing.”

“So, what’s stopping you from doing what you and Annie were talking about?” Ash asked, cutting Ali off from trying to smooth things over.

“I have to take care of our children and I would need to take Annie from you.” Ali answered. 

“We can find someone to replace Annie here and someone else to watch the kids.” Ash said.

Ali stiffened and replied, “I don’t want to have someone else take care of them. We have the financial ability to stay home with our children and raise them our way. I don’t want to have someone else watch them for so many hours a day. They’re our babies. They need us close by.”

“Ok.” Ash answered. Ali’s commitment to their children knew no bounds. Ash knew she couldn’t get her to compromise on that point. “So, the timing isn’t right...but what was it that you guys wanted to do?”

Ali relaxed in her wife’s arms and answered, “We wanted to open a shelter for abused women and children. We wanted to provide a safe place for people who are afraid to leave a situation because they don’t think they have any other options.”

Ash should’ve known it would be something amazing.

Ali continued, “But there’s no rush. There will always be a need for a place like that, whether it’s today or in 5 years, it will be a good thing.”

“Definitely.” Ash agreed. She was trying to be agreeable. She hated that Ali was putting her desires on hold for her. She needed time to come up with a solution.

“Ash, don’t feel bad.” Ali replied. She kissed her wife’s cheek lovingly and said, “It will work out eventually. I’m so happy with the way things are now. You don’t need to feel bad.”

Ash forced a smile and gave her wife a real kiss. The two of them used up the rest of Ashlyn’s free hour making out.

...

Later that night when Ashlyn returned home from work she had a rolled up piece of sketch paper in her hand. She kissed her wife and children and joined them for dinner, just like she had done most every day after work. 

She went through the normal bedtime routines with her children and even took Monster for a walk around the neighborhood. When she was finally ready to settle in for the night she walked in on her beautiful wife talking through the monitor to their two year olds. The little ones had gotten up after they had been tucked in and were now waving at the camera that they knew their parents could see them through.

“Go back to bed.” Ali instructed lovingly. “Bella put down your brother’s toy and get back in bed.”

Ashlyn smiled watching Ali do what seemed to be the most natural thing in the world to her. She was an amazing mother. 

“Jamie I need you to stop dancing and get in your bed.” Ali said sweetly.

After Ali was satisfied with what she saw on the small screen of the baby monitor she said, “Remember Mommy and Mama love you. Sweet dreams, my loves.”

Ashlyn startled Ali when she said, “You think they’re gonna fall asleep anytime soon?”

“Probably not.” Ali answered with a laugh.

“You’re really good at that, by the way.” Ashlyn said.

“At what? Stalking our children on their monitor?”

“No. At being an awesome mom.”

Ali looked suspiciously at her wife. “What are you thinking?” She asked. Ash had a calm look on her face. After their conversation in Ash’s office Ali figured she would be an anxious wreck. 

“I’m thinking that I am the luckiest person in the world. You are amazing.”

“Ok?” Ali replied, unsure of where Ashlyn was going.

Ashlyn bent down and pulled something out from under the bed. It was the rolled up paper that she had brought home from work. She sat down next to her wife and put the paper down on the bed. 

“What’s that?” Ali asked, pointing at the roll. 

“I’ll show you in a minute. First I need to say something.”

“Ok.” Ali replied. She was nervous to hear what her wife had to say. She had a look in her eye that usually meant she had something wild planned.

“So...” Ash started. She took her wife’s hand in both of her own and said, “I’ve been thinking. I will never be able to support you like you have supported me. I can’t do half the things you can. But I can support you in my own way.”

“What does that mean?” Ali asked. 

“It means that I will do everything in my power to help you start the shelter you and Annie want to do.”

Ali shook her head no and said, “Baby, it’s just not the right time.”

“IT IS THE RIGHT TIME.” Ash argued. “Look...you and Annie started talking about this years ago when we took her and Joey in and offered them a safe place to stay.” Ash said. “So technically this has been your dream before I even had a chance to think about starting a business. It’s your time, babe.”

“Ash, I love you but nothing has changed. It’s not the right time for us.” Ali argued. 

Ashlyn unrolled the sketch paper and smoothed it out. She had rolled two pieces of paper together. Ash pointed to a building layout that she had quickly drawn on the top piece.

“This is a building I found. We could fit 4 rows of bunk beds from wall to wall.” Ash explained. “Over here...” Ash said and pointed to another room. “We can build a large kitchen...” She showed Ali another area. “This could be the dining area.” Ashlyn had messily drawn tables and chairs to represent where people would sit. “Over here can be a big bathroom area. We would need both men’s and women’s bathrooms because some of the boys might be too old to go in with their mothers.” 

Ali’s eyes were watering as she listened to her wife passionately show her the blueprint for the rescue shelter. 

Ash continued, “I figured you would need several private rooms for families that required extra care. We could include a play area and game room for the kids and offer educational opportunities for the women, so that they could have a chance to get good paying jobs.” 

“Ashlyn, this is great but...”

Ash stopped her wife and said, “The location is perfect. The police department is on the same street. Those women and children would be safe. But there’s one more great thing about the location.”

Ashlyn moved the paper to the side and revealed the plans that were underneath it. “This is the building next door.” Ash explained. “This is where we would put our new location.” 

“Next door?” Ali asked. She fanned her eyes trying desperately not to cry. 

“You probably don’t care too much about all of this.” Ash said and swept her hand over most of the messy hand drawn building layout. “But this here...” Ash pointed to a good sized area with several rooms included. “This would be where we would offer a child care program for our staff and customers. We could have a fitness program, but also a mentoring program where kids can get help with their school work.” Ash smiled and clarified, “You would approve of everyone who works with the kids, of course.”

Ash continued, “For the children who aren’t school age yet, we can get someone who can help them learn and prepare them for school. And the best part is that our kids can always be with one of us. We will always be nearby.”

“Ashlyn, this is great. But we won’t be able to afford this right at the beginning.” Ali said.

Ash replied, “It’s going for a good price. We can afford it. I know there’s a lot to consider and so many more things that we need to learn about this sort of work and organization, but we can make it work.”

“It’s gonna make everything so much harder.” Ali said. It was going to be a huge task and she wasn’t sure it would be worth the high price it would cost her family.

Ashlyn smiled and argued optimistically, “Oooooor...it could make things easier. How awesome would it be to drive to work together and have lunch together with the twins? I know there are a lot of details that I probably have no idea about, but we can make it work. I really want to try, Alex.”

“What about Annie? She does everything for you. How will you be able to manage another location without her?” Ali asked. 

Ash had already thought about that. “She can work for me a couple of shifts a week just to make sure things are operating smoothly. I was thinking that we could keep her on salary so that she keeps her health insurance and benefits while she’s working hard with you to save the world.”

“Can we afford that?”

“I already spoke to our accountant. We can swing it. Whatever we do, I want to make sure Annie and Joey are taken care of.”

Ali didn’t need to hear anymore...at least not right then. She pulled her wife into a big hug and said, “You’re amazing!”

“Does that mean that you’re willing to give it a try?” Ash asked.

“We can make it work.” Ali said, repeating what Ashlyn had said earlier. 

Ali turned over one of the papers Ash had showed her and started writing a list of things that she would need to do to get started. Ashlyn smirked and gave herself a mental pat on the back for accomplishing what she had set out to do. 

Ash had convinced her wife that her dreams could come true too. She loved her wife more than life itself and would do anything to make her happy. However, Ash was still Ash and she loved teasing Ali.

Ashlyn broke the tender moment when she felt her wife’s bicep and said, “Babe, I think it’s time to get you on a training program. You’re getting a little soft.”

“Soft?” Ali replied and lunged at her wife. She wrestled her to the floor and sat on her stomach. Ashlyn didn’t try to fight back. She knew she deserved whatever she got. 

Ali tickled Ashlyn and filled the entire room with their laughter. 

“Wait!” Ali said and got really quiet. Ashlyn was clueless about what her wife was talking about. She continued to laugh and started to say something when Ali said, “Shhhh!”

Both women listened and heard their youngest children over the baby monitor. Ali moved from her spot on top of Ash and looked at the screen. Samuel had snuck into the twins’ room and was in the middle of a sock ball fight with the toddlers. 

“At least now we know what Sam and Joey were up to last night.” Ash reasoned. 

They watched for a few more minutes before Ashlyn went to the room to put a stop to it. She would have left immediately, but they loved the sound of their children laughing. Ali had to take matters into her own hands after she watched Ashlyn join in on the sock war with their children.

Ali didn’t put an end to it at first. She watched from the doorway as her wife used their daughter as a human shield. She laughed to herself and asked, “How did I get so lucky?”


	245. Man of the House

“Lexi, you need to calm down.” Ali instructed as her daughter was on the verge of a meltdown. 

“Mommy, he promised!” Lexi complained. She flopped dramatically onto the couch and put her hand over her eyes. 

Ali made her pouting daughter sit up. She took a seat in the empty space next to her and put an arm around the girl's shoulders. “Sweetheart, sometimes things happen that can’t be avoided.” Ali replied calmly.

“But all the other girls in my class are going. We even bought a new dress for it.” Lexi whined.

Ashlyn overheard her daughter’s complaints and wanted to do whatever she could to help.

“What’s the matter, little princess?” Ash asked her daughter.

Lexi answered in an angry accusing tone, “Grandpa said he would take me to a dance and now he said he can’t, even though he promised that he would!”

Ashlyn looked to her wife for a more rational answer.

“My dad was told he has to work at the last minute, so he can’t take her to the father/daughter dance at her school.” Ali explained. 

Ashlyn tapped her daughter’s leg to get her to look up at her and offered a small smile. She said, “I’ll take you. It would be my honor to dance with you, princess.”

Ali thought her wife’s kind offer was sweet. Lexi on the other hand...

“I don’t want to go with you!” Lexi yelled. “Everyone will make fun of me because I don’t have a dad! I don’t want to go at all.” Lexi wiggled her way out of Ali’s grip and stomped upstairs to her room to make her point.

“Well, that was an overreaction.” Ali said, followed by a sarcastic laugh

Ashlyn didn’t want to admit that Lexi’s words stung, but they did. “I guess I’m not a good enough date anymore.” Ash mumbled. 

“Hey...” Ali stopped Ash from leaving by catching her hand before she could walk away. “She’s just being a kid. She doesn’t realize that she’s saying hurtful things.”

“I know.” Ash answered. She understood, but it didn’t make her feel any better.

...

Ash and Ali sat cross legged on the living room floor and each held one of their youngest children in their laps. They were practicing the abc’s with the two year olds. Both toddlers laughed as Ashlyn sang the song with them in several different silly voices and accents.

Ali heard the front door open and was surprised to see Jacob and his girlfriend walk through it.

“What are you doing home so early?” Ali asked. “Aren’t you supposed to be at practice?”

Rachel patted her boyfriend on the back and answered, “His coach sent him home. He fell asleep during stretches.”

Ali put Jamie in Ashlyn’s lap and went to her son. “Are you sick, sweetheart?”

“Yeah.” Jake answered with a rough voice.

Rachel gave Ali the details she was looking for. “His throat hurts. I think he has a fever, but we didn’t check. He’s having a hard time staying awake.” Rachel quickly added, “Don’t worry. I drove him home.”

“Thank goodness you were there to take care of him.” Ali replied. She did the ‘mom temperature test’ by feeling Jacob’s forehead and cheeks with the back of her hand. “Baby, I think you do have a fever.” She said to her son. 

“And my ear hurts.” Jacob replied. 

He wasn’t a complainer and he also wasn’t one to exaggerate, but there was something about the way his mother took care of him. He wanted to be as honest as he could about the full extent of his suffering, because he loved the attention Ali gave him. It was basically the same as his younger siblings needing her to kiss their boo-boos, but he didn’t realize it. He was a boy who appreciated the love of his mother. 

“My poor baby.” Ali said as she led him by the arm to sit down in Ashlyn’s favorite recliner. She pulled the lever that made the chair recline and kissed Jacob’s forehead before saying, “I’m gonna get you a popsicle.” 

Rachel and Ashlyn shared a look, but kept their comments to themselves. Jacob was just as spoiled by his mother as the rest of his brothers and sisters. The boy was 18 years old, but his mother’s kisses were still as powerful as ever to help him feel better.

Ali returned from the kitchen with a handful of popsicles. She had enough for all of her children, her son’s girlfriend, and even her wife. After passing out the frozen treats she left again to get Jacob some water and a mild pain reliever for his ear and throat. 

Jacob fell asleep right after his mother had him take the medicine she hoped would help him feel better. She covered him up with a blanket and ordered that the rest of the family stay quiet around him and let him sleep.

...

The next morning Ashlyn heard her wife say, “I think I’m gonna stay home today.”

Ashlyn stifled a laugh and replied, “Babe, he’s 18 years old. He doesn’t need you to stay home and babysit.”

“Ashlyn, he’s sick. Next year he will be in college and I won’t be able to take care of him anymore.” Ali explained. “I’m going to take him to the doctor and then I’m going to get him ice cream and then I’m gonna stay home with him and continue to spoil him.” Ali shook her finger at her wife and made it clear that nothing and no one would stop her from taking care of her sick son.

“Well, ok then.” Ash answered. “Whatever you say, babe.” She wasn’t going to argue. There was no use in trying to talk her wife out of anything that involved taking care of a sick child. 

“Baby, I’m gonna text you a list of things I need you to pick up on your way home.” Ali added. In order to keep things running smoothly she had to make sure Ash did her grocery shopping for her while she went to the doctor with Jacob.

“What about the tiny monsters?” Ash asked. 

Ali smiled, knowing that their youngest children would be a handful for her wife. “I need you to take them.”

“I might as well just stay home and take Jake to the doctor myself.”

“You were the one giving me a hard time about staying home with our 18 year old. Now you change your mind for the sake of getting out of taking care of our littlest angels.”

Ash put her head down and mumbled, “Fine. I’ll take ‘em.”

Ali playfully slapped her wife’s backside as Ash left to get the twins ready to go to work with her.

...

When Ali and Jacob returned home from Jake’s doctor appointment they found Ken playing in the backyard with Bella and Jamie.

“Dad!” Ali called out through the sliding glass door. “What are you doing here?”

Ken was sitting on the grass with Jamie hanging from his neck and Bella trying to climb over her brother. “Ash asked me to watch these two.”

“Are you kidding me?” Ali asked in frustration. “Did she tell you where she was going?” Ali asked. She muttered under her breath her answer, “Probably work. She wouldn’t want to miss work.”

“Umm...” Ali’s dad calmly replied to his daughter’s accusations. “She’s upstairs.”

“What is she doing up there?” Ali asked. 

Ken cooly replied, “Sleeping.” Before Ali could accuse her wife of taking a nap instead of working and taking care of their children he added, “I’m guessing she caught whatever your teenager has.” He winked at his grandson who looked pale and tired. Jake gave a weak smile and waited for his mother to do the inevitable.

“I’m gonna check on her.” 

Ali hurried up the stairs to their room and saw that her wife was asleep. She felt her forehead, and sure enough, Ash had a fever. 

Jacob watched his mother’s actions and asked, “She’s sick too?”

“I’m afraid so.” Ali answered. 

“You’re gonna have to take her to the doctor.” Jacob said. If Ash had what he had he knew she would need medicine.

“Yeah.” Ali replied and sighed loudly. She was exhausted just thinking about the special arrangements that would need to be made to get her wife to the doctor.

Jacob assumed he knew what his mother was thinking and said, “Maybe she can take herself.” 

“Yeah.” Ali replied again. This time Jacob thought his mother might surrender to the day and climb into bed next to Ashlyn. 

“Mom...” Jake said, filled with compassion. “...maybe you can call the doctor. They know I have strep. Maybe you can get her an antibiotic without having to go there.”

“You are a genius!” Ali replied. She would’ve thought of it herself if she wasn’t so worn out. “Stay here and watch her.” Ali said. She left to make a phone call. 

...

“You got me sick.” Ash said, blaming Jacob for her misery.

“Sorry.” He answered shortly. The were both sipping on ice water to soothe their throats. 

“Don’t worry about it.” Ash replied. “It’s probably for the best anyway.”

“What do you mean?” 

Ashlyn took a sip and let the ice cold liquid run down her throat before sadly explaining herself. “This way I won’t be able to take your sister to her school dance because I’m sick and not because she’s embarrassed of me.”

Jacob had no idea what Ash was talking about. He didn’t need to ask. 

Ashlyn explained. “It’s a father/daughter dance that your grandfather was going to take her to. He can’t go and now your sister is upset. I offered to take her...I thought she would want to go with me...but she said everyone will make fun of her.” Ashlyn said. She took another drink and added, “I think it’s stupid to have that kind of dance this day and age. It makes it impossible for kids who don’t have fathers to feel included.” 

Ashlyn added with a hint of sadness, “Your mom thinks that these sort of things are great. She doesn’t understand. She has a great dad.” Ash shook her head sadly and repeated. “She doesn’t understand.” 

Ashlyn caught herself rambling. She cut herself off and changed the subject. “So, what’s new with you?”

Jacob recognized that his mother didn’t want to talk about what it felt like to be fatherless. He knew the feeling himself. He was happy to talk about something else.

“Umm...uh...I’ve got strep throat. That’s kinda new.” He answered with a charming smile. 

Ashlyn laughed and then whined because it made her throat feel like fire. 

...

“Nooooooo! I’m gonna beat you up!”

Ashlyn awoke to the sound of Samuel yelling threats. Jacob came carrying a white paper bag from the pharmacy in one hand and in the other his little brother’s squirming body.

“I’m gonna kill you!” Sam threatened again.

“Sam-Bam, we don’t say mean things like that to each other.” Ashlyn replied.

“But Mama, Mommy said Jakes made you sick.” Sam explained. He held his fist in the air, gave his brother an icy stare, and said, “He must pay!”

Ashlyn tried really hard not to laugh. She held her arms out towards her two oldest boys and Jacob let his little brother meet their mother on her bed. 

“Bam, Jacob didn’t mean to get me sick. It was an accident.” Ashlyn explained. 

Sam sheepishly looked up at his brother, who just moments ago was his enemy.

“Are you my protector?” Ash asked. Samuel nodded his head dramatically.

“Mommy said you were really sick.” Sam replied. “Jacob doesn’t look really sick anymore. I thought maybe he traded his sickness to you.”

Ashlyn pulled her son in close to her, even though she knew that Ali wouldn’t approve of him being so close to her sick-o germs.

“I love you, Bam. But you should know that Jake has helped me feel better.” Ash said.

“He has?” Sam asked. He was starting to feel guilty about assaulting his big brother. Of course his attack was never a serious threat. Jacob was easily able to defend himself. He was more concerned with making sure his hyperactive brother didn’t hurt himself. 

“Yeah. He’s been taking care of me all day.” Ash explained. She was exaggerating her son’s involvement in her care. Both of them slept most of the time while they were at home together.

“Sorry, Jakes.” Sam said with his head hanging low. His hand shot straight out towards his brother and he asked, “Friends again?”

Jacob and Ashlyn held in their laughter for just a little longer. Jake, with as serious an expression as he could manage, shook his brother's outstretched hand and said, “Friends.”

The bond between the brothers had once again been set right. Ashlyn thanked her protector and instructed Bam that he should stand guard for his other mother and his two smallest siblings. Ash would’ve loved to have him stick around and brighten her day, but she didn’t want him to get sick too.

He ran away after he vowed to destroy all the bad guys that might try to attack their family. Ashlyn and Jacob said that they felt much safer with him around.

...

“Hey, Lex.” Jake said as he let himself into his sister’s room.

Lexi had been in a bad mood ever since she found out she wasn’t going to her school dance. She didn’t answer him. She just looked up at him to acknowledge that he had joined her in the room and then turned her back to him. 

Jacob took a seat on her bed and stared at the back of her head for a few moments before speaking.

“Ya know, when Mom and Mama first adopted me I was really happy that there wasn’t a dad in the family.” 

“What?” Lexi asked as she turned around to face him. The way she had been feeling made his words seem completely unbelievable.

“I said I was really glad that I was adopted into a family with two mothers.”

Lexi walked over to Jake and sat down next to him. She felt a slew of emotions. The biggest emotion she felt was guilt.

“Jake...” Lexi started to say, but chickened out.

“Lex, there are going to be people who will constantly disapprove of you or judge you for something they don’t understand.” Jake explained.

Lexi was a smart girl. She knew he was right and she knew what he was getting at, but it didn’t make it any easier. “But what should I do? I want them to be my friends.”

“They aren’t worth having as friends if they make you feel bad for being yourself.” Jake answered. He continued, “You know, I remember our dad.” Jacob felt a lump developing in his throat. He didn’t want his little sister to know that he was fighting tears. He wanted her to think he was her big, tough, older brother.

Jake cleared his throat and continued, “There are a lot of really great dads in the world. Grandpa is probably the best.” Lexi shook her head in agreement. Ali’s father was basically the entire family’s hero. “But our dad was someone who hurt others. Mama and Mom love us more than anything else in the world. They love to help people and they are always making sure we are happy and they take care of us when we’re sick...” Jacob could have gone on and on about how great their parents were. “We shouldn’t be ashamed of that. We should be really proud of them.”

“I know.” Lexi said and started to cry. Her voice trembled as she asked, “But why does it still hurt when people say things? I know I shouldn’t care, but I do.” 

“It hurts because we all want to be accepted. If it feels like people don’t like us, we feel bad.” Jake answered. “But I can tell you one thing I’ve learned in my old age...” He said with a smile. “I’ve learned that once you realize who’s opinions really matter, the other people’s voices don’t seem as loud or important.”

“Huh?” Lexi asked. She was only 9 years old. Jake was getting a little too deep.

Jacob cleared his throat and tried to make it as simple as he possibly could, “The people who love you are the ones who know you. We’re the ones who know what you’re worth and how amazing you are. If someone else doesn’t see how great you are, then it’s because they don’t know you like we do...” Jake added with a smirk, “...or it’s because they are really stupid.”

Lexi started laughing at the thought of everyone who didn’t like her being stupid. 

“Lex, I’m starting to feel a lot better. I think by the time your dance comes around, I’ll be all better.” Jake put his arm around his sister and said, “I’m the man of the house, ya know. Would it be ok if I took you?” 

Lex’s smile covered her face. “Really?” She asked. If she took a high school senior/soccer all star to her school dance she would be the most popular girl there.

“It would be my honor to take you.” Jake answered.

Right outside her door her younger brother, Samuel was shaking his fist at his brother. He angrily whispered, “I wanted to dance with Lex.”

Ali saw the entire situation unfold. She wordlessly motioned for her son to come to her. She led him into his own room and said, “Sweetheart, why are you so upset?” 

“Jakes gets to take Lex to her dance. I want to dance with her.” Sam complained.

Ali replied in as sweet and calm a tone as she could, “Well, your Mama and I were gonna have our own dance party. We need you to stay here and dance with us. Would that be ok?” 

Sam thought very hard about Ali’s proposition. He answered honestly, “I still want to dance with Lex.” He saw the act of his brother taking Lexi as an act of heroic proportions. Lexi was sad, and now she was happy. He wanted to help her feel better too.

Ali was running out of ideas. She was grateful when she heard the sound of her wife’s raspy voice. “She’s gonna need to practice. You can dance with her beforehand.”

Samuel took in his mother’s suggestion and found it to be a good idea. “Ok, Mama.” He agreed easily. He gave Ali a high five and made sure to give Ashlyn one too as he ran out to tell his sister about the deal he had worked out with their parents.

Lexi was surprised to hear that her family had been eavesdropping on their conversation. She knew immediately what she had to do. 

Lexi excused herself and found her parents in her little brother’s room. 

“Mama, can I talk to you for a minute?” She asked. “In private.” She added. Eying her most curious parent. 

Ashlyn winked at Ali and followed the girl to a more private spot and let her lead the conversation.

“Mama, I’m really sorry I didn’t want you to take me to my dance. I’ll still go with you if you want me to.” Lexi said. 

Ash knew her daughter would prefer to go with her big brother. That was an option that Ashlyn was happy to support. “It’s ok, princess. You will have a great time with Jacob. You’ll be the best looking couple there.”

Lexi lunged toward Ash and wrapped her arms around her mother’s waist tightly. “I love you, Mama!”

Ashlyn replied, “I’m proud of you, Alexandra. You don’t ever need to be ashamed of who you are.”

“I know.” Lexi said, as she began to cry. She didn’t know why she was getting so emotional. She dug her face into her mother’s stomach. Ashlyn’s words had struck a cord deep within her that she didn’t even know existed. 

It would take years for Lexi to finally learn that she was good enough. Thankfully, through those challenging years she could still hear the echoes of her Mama’s voice. It was the simple words she heard as a 9 year old that helped her hold it together through the toughest times of her life. When she didn’t believe it herself, it helped to know that her Mama believed in her more than anyone could ever doubt her....even more than she doubted herself.


	246. Yours Forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter gives small glimpses into Lexi's romantic life leading up to finally finding "the one."
> 
> This is a FLASHFORWARD chapter where each section is in a different time. 
> 
> The first section starts in "present day" time of the story. 
> 
> I tried to put how old Lexi is throughout. 
> 
> Let me know if it's confusing and you need clarification on something.

Ashlyn’s eyes followed her daughter and her new friend suspiciously. The two were playing with Samuel and Joey in the Krieger-Harris backyard. Ashlyn had just returned home from work and Ali was upstairs with the youngest children of the family. She had yet to see that her wife was home.

By the time Ali did find out that Ash was at the house, Ashlyn had set up a chair next to the sliding glass doors for surveillance purposes. Her eyes were fixed on the little boy who’s hand was holding Lexi’s. Ali only needed a moment to catch on to what her wife was up to.

“Baby, relax. They’re kids.” Ali encouraged.

She handed her wife their youngest daughter, Bella and hoped that the toddler would distract Ashlyn from their oldest daughter.

“Alex, why are they holding hands?” Ash asked, completely ignoring her wife’s comments.

Ali wanted to laugh, but held it in for her wife’s sake. “Ash, it is literally a school girl crush. Our little girl is just being a little girl.”

“My princess isn’t the one I’m worried about.” Ash answered simply.

Ali rolled her eyes playfully and pulled on her wife’s hand. “Come on.” She said. “We are gonna let them play and you and I are gonna spend some quality time with our two littlest angels.”

Ashlyn’s gaze didn’t leave Lexi and her friend. Ali had to try harder.

“Baby, seriously. Leave them alone. They are 9 years old. Their little crush is completely innocent.” Ali said. “Besides, Bella has been talking about you all day.”

“She has?” Ash asked. Lexi was growing up too fast, but at least she still had her littlest princess...for now, anyway.

Ash gave her full attention to Bella and asked, “Izzy, you’re not gonna start dating until you’re 30, right?”

Isabella smiled back at her Mama. She had no idea what Ashlyn was talking about. Her innocence was enough to placate Ashlyn’s overprotective impulse long enough for Ali to talk her into helping her make dinner and leaving their other children to play in peace without any suspicious eyes watching.

...

Lexi nervously chewed on the nail of her thumb. She was 12 years old and had received a note from a boy in her class saying that he wanted to be her boyfriend. Lexi felt butterflies in her stomach at the excitement of being like a few of the other girls in her class. All she wanted was to be like the popular girls, and most of them had boyfriends.

The boy met her in the school hallway by the drinking fountain.

“Hey.” He greeted. He was just as nervous as Lex.

Lex replied anxiously with her eyes staring at the floor underneath her, “Hey.”

“You got my note.” He stated. She had known where to meet him, so he knew she had to have read it. “What do you think?”

Lexi anxiously looked up at him and answered, “I liked it.”

“So you want to be my girlfriend?”

“Yeah.” Lex answered nervously.

“Can I kiss you?” The boy asked.

Lexi wasn’t sure that was something she wanted, but she assumed it was what was expected and normal for this sort of situation.

“I guess.” She answered.

He quickly, but gently, gave Lex a quick peck on the lips. Lexi was relieved when it was over. It wasn’t as scary as she had expected.

Her relief turned to regret when the two had been caught by a teacher passing by. Both students’ parents were called.

Ashlyn almost had a heart attack.

...

14 year old Samuel heard movement outside of his room. He opened his door slightly and looked through the small crack to see who was in the hallway. He saw his sister, now 16 years old, dressed up and looking like she was ready for a night out. Everyone else in the house was asleep.

Samuel grabbed his shoes and quietly followed his sister. He waited for her to get into one of her friend’s cars that was waiting outside, before he hopped on his bike and pedaled his legs as fast as he could to keep up.

He was exhausted when they arrived. He dumped his bike in a bush and waited for his sister to make her way into the house party that one of her classmates had thrown. Once he knew he wouldn’t get caught, he found his way inside and weaved in and out of the dancing teenagers. He was fourteen years old, but he was big for his age. He blended in easily. The music was loud and the house smelled of smoke and alcohol.

Samuel was not impressed. His only thought was to get his sister out of there.

He searched through the crowd to no avail. Lexi was nowhere to be found. He watched as a couple held hands and walked up the stairs to where he assumed the bedrooms of the house were. He got a sick feeling in his stomach. He didn’t want to even think about Lex being with some stupid guy in a private room. He knew well enough of the thoughts and intentions of a teenage boy. His need to take care of his sister outweighed everything else. He hurried as he pushed his way through the crowd.

Drunk, uncoordinated teenagers were blocking his path. He lost his patience and pushed several of them out of his way. He made his way up the stairs. He saw several doors and knew that behind one of them could be his sister. He anxiously listened outside of the first door. He was afraid of what he would hear. When he heard someone throwing up, he moved on to the next door.

He pressed his ear against it and heard a muffled voice. It wasn’t loud, but he recognized the voice as his sister’s. He tried opening the door, but it was locked. He took a few steps back and with as much power as he could rammed his shoulder into the door. He broke the door and part of it’s frame.

Lexi was startled by the interruption, but relieved to see that it was her brother.

Sam headed straight for the boy who was hovering over his sister.

“She said ‘no!’ Get away from her!” Sam yelled and grabbed the teenager by the shoulders. He pulled him off of her and threw him against a wall. Though it was quiet he had clearly heard his sister tell the boy to get off of her.

The boy was shocked and said, “She came up here with me. Find your own girl.”

“She’s my sister, idiot!” Sam answered. He grabbed Lexi’s hand and pulled her up off the bed.

The guy seemed to understand why Sam was upset, but didn’t agree with his actions. “Listen dude, I got a sister too, but she can make her own decisions. And she came up here with me. She obviously wants it.” The boy said, referring to his desire to have sex with her.

Sam didn’t reply with words. His anger took over and he knocked the boy down with a hard punch to his jaw. The teenager was stunned by the impact and rolled on the floor with his face in his hands. Samuel didn’t waste any time checking on him. He pulled his sister out of the room, down the stairs, and out the door.

Samuel got his bike and the two walked home together.

Neither of them said a word about what had happened that night.

...

 

“Who’s that?” Jake asked. He pointed to the man that his sister, now 21 years old, had brought to their family dinner.

Samuel rolled his eyes and answered, “I have no idea.”

“Whatever happened to that other guy? You know that dude with the tattoos?” Jake asked, describing the guy Lexi had introduced him to last week.

Sam shrugged, “I don’t know. I think she said he breathed too loud.”

“Are you serious?” Jake asked rhetorically. He could see his sister dumping someone for that reason and many more. “Too bad.” Jacob said. “I liked him. He was pretty good at soccer.”

“You know Lex.” Sam answered. “She thinks she needs a guy beside her to be complete.” Samuel knew the deeper issues of Lexi’s constant dating habit. It didn’t make him angry or frustrated. It made him sad.

...

“So, you’re trying something new.” Sam joked right after his sister told him about the girl she had started dating.

After many attempts at finding the right guy and constantly being disappointed, Lexi had taken a break from dating. Sam was surprised that she was not only back at it, but had changed things up a bit.

Lexi laughed nervously and replied, “Yeah, I guess you could say that.”

“Is she a good person?” He asked. He had no reason to disapprove of the new person in Lexi’s life.

“I think so....yeah.” Lexi answered. She would later learn that the girl she started dating could turn into a little bit of a bully when she didn’t get her way, but in that moment she only saw the good in her.

Sam gave his sister a high five and said, “Awesome.”

Lexi smiled as her brother made her announcement of dating a girl feel normal. He didn’t make a big deal out of it. He simply accepted it as long as the person his sister was dating was a good person and treated her right. That was all that mattered to him.

...

Lexi rolled over and pressed her face into the back of Charlie’s neck. The two of them were sleeping in after a late night following an event at Charlie’s art studio. Lex reached her arm over her fiance and held tight to her. She had just woken up from a dream about her.

She heard Charlie sigh in satisfaction of her embrace and reveal that she was partially awake. “I love you.” Lexi whispered.

Charlie rolled over so that she could face Lex and kissed her cheek. She was too tired to speak, but that was her admission of love in return.

Both women fell back to sleep.

Lexi woke up first. She was a huge help to Charlie the night before, but it was her fiance who had been working non-stop for more than a week to get things ready. Charlie used to joke that one of her greatest talents was sleeping. As far as Lexi was concerned she deserved every second of sleep she could get. Lexi liked to describe Charlie as a creative soul. She would stay up 24/7 when she would get inspired. After these marathon creative spurts, she would crash in exhaustion. Lex didn’t mind it. She thought it was somewhat amazing that someone could be at their best on so little sleep. She was absolutely in awe of her fiance.

She also liked feeling needed. Charlie was not good at remembering to do basic things necessary to life when she would get into one of her creative spurts. Lexi would make sure she ate and took care of herself during those times. The two were always better together.

When Charlie woke up it was almost lunch time.

“I didn’t expect you to get up so early.” Lexi said as she greeted her fiance with a hug and a kiss.

Charlie groggily smiled and squeezed Lexi tightly. She was worn out, but there was something that inspired her to get out of bed. “I missed you.” She replied. She rested her chin on top of Lexi’s head and closed her eyes.

Lexi was afraid her fiance would fall asleep standing up. Her voice was muffled from her face being pressed against Charlie’s neck.

“Hmm?” Charlie hummed.

Lexi pushed her away gently to allow enough space for her to speak clearly, “I missed you too.”

“Aww...” Charlie replied. It was heart felt but sounded a little insincere due to her tired state. Her eyes were still closed and she held on to Lexi for balance.

Lexi led her back to their bed and kissed her softly before letting her go back to sleep.

When Charlie woke up again her stomach was aching for something to fill it. She rubbed her empty belly as she yawned out, “Lex?”

Charlie scratched her head when she saw that her fiance was nowhere to be found. She would’ve checked her phone, but she couldn’t remember where she had put it the night before. This wasn’t anything new for her. Lexi was used to having to come up with different ways to contact her. Charlie headed for the first place she thought Lex would try.

Attached by a magnet to the refrigerator was a note. _“Just in case you check here first...look in your bag.”_

Lexi didn’t usually put the important notes on the refrigerator because her fiance often would forget to eat and would miss out on the info Lexi wanted to share if she put it there.

Charlie found her art bag lying on the counter and smiled. She knew she didn’t put it there. She probably threw it on the floor next to their front door. Her fiance was always picking up after her without complaint. She knew that was something to be thankful for.

Charlie found the note with a piece of chocolate taped to it.

_“I’m sure you’re starving. I left to pick up a few things from the farmer’s market before they close.”_

She drew an arrow to the piece of candy and wrote, _“Eat this to hold you over.”_

She drew a heart and added, _“I love you. I’m taking you out to dinner tonight....Don’t worry. It will be casual and quick.”_

Lexi knew her fiance wouldn’t want to get dressed up.

She signed the note,

_“Yours Forever.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Charlie will make an appearance in the next couple of chapters...


	247. Planning (Part One)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a FLASHFORWARD chapter.
> 
> This chapter contains a couple of prompts from you awesome people. Thank you!

“How am I supposed to plan for doves and fireworks?” Lexi asked. She was in the middle of a frustrated phone call with her fiancé. “How is that even possible?” She had been spending every free moment she had planning their upcoming wedding.

“I don’t know.” Charlie answered. “I envision the fireworks going off at our first kiss as a married couple and then two doves from behind us, flying above us and over our guests in front of us to represent our new life of adventure together.”

Charlie had envisioned a lot of things for their wedding and Lexi was the one that was supposed to figure out how to make it all happen, but things were starting to get out of hand.

“Baby, doves are not going to fly into fireworks? It’s not going to work.” Lexi said, trying to sound patient even though she was losing her mind.

Charlie thought about it and replied, “It works in my head. But you’re the boss. I don’t care either way.” 

Charlie didn’t care about the details of the ceremony, but Lexi had given her a lecture about helping out and needing to keep in mind that it was her wedding too. Charlie had been so easy-going that it made Lexi feel like her fiancé didn’t care about the day at all. Once Charlie started thinking more and more about their special day, the ideas didn’t stop flowing. 

When Lexi heard her fiancé say she didn’t care, her frustration reached a new level.

“Charlotte, if you don’t care why are you making things so hard?” Lexi asked in frustration. Ever since Charlie started putting in her two cents Lexi’s anxiety about their special day increased. 

Charlie was in her office at work trying to finish up the last of her day’s responsibilities so she could hurry home to her betrothed. Lexi’s tone made her feel much less motivated to go home to see her fiancé. 

“Lex, YOU told me you wanted me to help out more. I’m not trying to make things hard. If you just want me to show up and have no opinion, that’s fine.” Charlie argued. She honestly just wanted Lex to be happy. Getting married was enough to make Charlie happy. She didn’t need all the details to be perfect.

Lexi sighed loudly into her phone and said, “Why are you so frustrating?” She said it more to herself, but it was too late for her to take it back.

The artist felt a pain in her chest at the sound of her fiancé's frustration with her. She answered sadly, “Don’t worry, Lex. I have to work late. You don’t have to deal with my frustrating ways tonight.” 

Charlie hung up without saying ‘good bye’...or ‘I love you.’ That was something Lexi wasn't used to. Her fiancé always made an effort to let her know that she was loved.

The hurt in Charlie’s voice echoed through Lexi’s mind. Now she not only felt frustrated and anxious, but also like the worst fiancé ever.

...

“Mom, you were so lucky with Mama.” Lexi said as she stood next to Ali, helping her finish making dinner.

Ali had listened to her daughter explain her current situation with her fiancé and couldn’t help but have flashbacks of her own wedding planning. 

“Sweetheart, your mother was easier to deal with because she let me have my way about everything.” Ali explained. “She never really got into any of the planning until I let her.” 

“Didn’t you want her to be a part of it?” Lexi asked.  

“Of course...in theory. But at the same time I didn’t like not being in control. Thankfully for me, and probably for your Mama, she was the perfect amount of laid back and supportive. She only gave me her help when I asked for it.” Ali answered.

Lexi wasn’t sure how her mother’s explanation could help her situation. Ali could tell that her daughter was lost. She explained further.

“Lex, you want Charlie to have a voice, but you don’t want to give up control. I have a feeling that she would be happy to let you have whatever you want. But you’re expecting her to be able to read your mind about when to have an opinion and when to let you have your way.”

“But Mom, you don’t understand. Her opinion is to do impossible things...”

“Sweetheart, think about what you’re saying. Your Mama has about as wild an imagination as anyone. She actually suggested that we sew lights into the fabric of my wedding dress so that I would appear to glow majestically.”

Lexi furrowed her brow and thought about what her mother suggested. She raised one eyebrow and said, “That’s actually not a bad idea.”

“Lex, you’re missing the point.” Ali interrupted as Lexi thought about walking toward her soon to be wife in a wedding gown that lit up, making her look like some sort of angelic being. “All the crazy things that your mother came up with was because she wanted the day to be perfect for ME.”

Lexi finally understood.

“So instead of getting frustrated and trying to make the impossible possible, I should be grateful that she wants to make things special.” Lex said.

Ali patted her daughter on the back and said, “Exactly. If she’s anything like your Mama she won’t mind if something won’t work, or if her idea doesn’t get used. All she will care about is that you see how much she loves you.”

Lexi heard her mother loud and clear. After hugging Ali, she excused herself to make a phone call to her fiancé.

...

“Mom!” Ali heard from the backyard. Her children were adults, but at times they still sounded like they were little and looking to their mother to settle their arguments.

Sam punched Jamie in the arm and said, “Oh, are you gonna tell on me now?”

“Yes.” Jamie answered simply. He was the youngest. Informing his parents of his older brother’s and sister’s misbehavior came easily to him. His siblings would always accuse him of being spoiled. He would never say it, but he agreed. He not only agreed, but he made the most of it.

“Mom!” Jamie yelled out again. 

Ali had just finished setting the table when she heard him first call out to her. She knew her children were old enough to take care of themselves. There wasn’t any real reason for her to hurry. If there was an actual emergency she would have heard all of her children call for her. 

Ali calmly made her way to the backyard and asked, “What is it, Jamie?”

Jamie pointed to his big brother and said, “He hit me.”

Jamie wasn’t hurt. He was playing up the ‘baby of the family’ role. It was a role that Samuel used to proudly play...until the twins came and stole it from him. Sam would often tease his younger brother about how things were always better back when HE was the baby. 

“Mom, I only punched him because he deserved it.” Sam said, fighting a smile from appearing on his face. 

Ali gave Samuel a pointed ‘mom look’ and turned her attention to Jamie. Her face softened up immediately as she said, “I’m sorry baby, are you ok?”

Sam rolled his eyes and laughed sarcastically. “Mom, he’s such a faker.” Samuel accused. 

Jamie stuck his tongue out at his brother. Ali couldn’t see because she was too busy hugging him and trying to comfort him. After the hug, Jamie went back to having a sad, hurt face and Ali turned her attention back to Samuel.

“You are too old to be picking on your little brother. I expect more from you, Sammy.” Ali lectured.

Sam tried to defend himself, “But Mom...”

Thankfully for him, his sister rescued him. 

“I need your help, dummy.” Lexi said and grabbed her brother’s arm. She pulled him away from their mother and Jamie.

Ali was aware of the situation between Lexi and Charlie. She knew that Lex had just left to call her. She assumed that whatever her daughter needed Samuel for must have been important. Otherwise, she wouldn’t have let her get away with calling her brother ‘dummy’ and she would have made a bigger deal about Sam picking on Jamie.

Lexi pushed her brother out the front door and said, “You’re driving me to pick up Charlie.”

“Doesn’t Charles have her own car?” Sam asked. 

Lexi answered, “I’ll explain on the way.”

...

“What are you doing here?” Charlie asked. Her face and hands had paint smudges all over them.

Lex calmly approached her fiancé and answered, “I told you I was coming to pick you up.”

“And I told you that it wasn’t necessary.” Charlie replied. She turned back to her painting and tried her best to ignore Lexi.

Lexi’s resolve to be supportive didn’t lessen. “Baby, I’m sorry I hurt you. But this is way more important than our little fight. I’m worried about you.”

Charlie was doing all that she could to keep from giving in to Lexi. It was unusual for her to act this way, but she was afraid of what might happen if she let her fiancé know the truth. 

“Baby, I love you so much. If you’re mad at me or hurt, please forgive me.” Lex begged. “If you can’t forgive me then let’s put our fight on hold so we can talk about what happened.”

Lexi heard Charlie sigh. She saw her shoulders drop forward and knew that her fiancé was about to let down her guard. Charlie dipped her brush into a shade of blue that was similar to Lexi’s eyes. When she started mixing the paint she hadn’t intended to match the shade that she had memorized and grown to love, but when it happened she realized that she must have subconsciously been wanting to have Lexi's gentle eyes staring into her own. As she pressed the brush against the canvas she said, “I barely knew him. We weren’t that close.”

“I know.” Lexi replied. She took a step closer to Charlie and continued to listen.

Charlie pulled the brush away from the picture and closed her eyes. She felt tears begin to press against her eyelids as she said, “He was all I had left of him.”

Lexi took one more step and found herself inches away from her fiancé. She pulled her into a hug from behind. “I know.” Lexi repeated softly. 

The first thought that came to Lexi’s mind when her fiancé informed her that her uncle had died of a heart attack was how it would probably remind her of her father’s absence in her life. 

“He was supposed to walk me down the aisle.” Charlie said as her head fell forward. Her uncle had said that he would walk in place of her father. Charlie felt as if the last connection she had to her dad had left her. 

She began to feel her body shake. She knew she needed Lexi’s support. Charlie turned around in Lexi’s arms and let Lex hold her. Lexi whispered, “It will be ok.” and “I’m so sorry.” 

“What are we going to do?” Charlie asked. 

“We can do whatever you want to do.” Lexi answered. “We can both go to his funeral, if that’s what you want. I will get off work. You are more important than anything else in the world to me.”

“I mean, what are we going to do about the wedding?” Charlie asked. “I messed it up again.”

Lexi wanted to cry when she heard her fiancé’s words. “Baby, you haven’t messed anything up. The wedding isn’t important compared to this. You don’t need to feel bad about anything.”

Charlie replied quietly, “I don’t want to let you down.”

“Baby, that’s not possible.”

...

“What happened to your brother?” Ali asked as she welcomed her daughter and future daughter-in-law in for dinner.

Lexi was surprised to find out that he didn’t return. “I assumed he came back here. He left right after he dropped me off and that was at least an hour ago.” Lexi had asked Sam to drop her off so she could pick up her fiancé and drive Charlie’s car back to their parents’ house.

Ali didn’t like when any of her children missed their weekly family dinner night, but something felt odd about Samuel’s behavior that day. “I made you both plates of food. They are keeping warm in the oven.” Ali said quickly. She decided she needed to get to the bottom of her son’s strange actions.

“Lex, is your brother ok?” Ali asked. 

Lexi answered, “You know how he’s been since his injury. He is frustrated. He needs to find what’s next for him.” 

Sam had been injured on the job and after surgery and a long recovery his doctor told him that he may never get back to full function of his right leg without feeling some kind of pain. 

“Sweetheart, have you noticed him acting differently?” Ali asked. She was convinced that her son may be feeling a greater depth of hurt than he was letting on. 

Lexi was understandably worried about her fiancé. It wasn’t that she didn’t care about Sam, she simply couldn’t worry about him at the moment. She felt she needed to give all of her attention to Charlie. 

“Mom, he’s fine. I don’t know what else to tell you.” Lex answered a little roughly. 

Charlie chimed in, “He hasn’t said anything to us about anything that would cause worry.” She wanted to put Ali’s mind at ease, as well as cover for Lexi’s attitude.

Ali nodded and gave both women a small and forced smile. “Thanks.” She replied.

She needed to look for answers elsewhere.

Ali found her two youngest children in the backyard poking at a dying fire with sticks. 

“Jamie...” Ali said, interrupting the conversation her children were having about the possibility of alien life on Mars.

“What?” Jamie replied.

Ali was clearly worried. Her children knew that whatever it was that their mother had on her mind was more important that their Martian talk.

“What were you and Sam fighting about earlier?” Ali asked. 

Jamie shrugged his shoulders and answered, “I don’t know. Nothing, I guess.”

“How can you fight about nothing?” Ali asked. She was desperate to find out what was going on with her son.

“I don’t know. He was being a jerk.” Jamie explained. 

Jamie was used to getting picked on by his brother, and he was also used to trying to annoy his brother at every opportunity he could get. He learned a long time ago that Jacob wasn’t as much fun to annoy, because he didn’t respond to it. Samuel, on the other hand, always responded. The two would go back and forth. They both loved it.

Bella added, “He seemed sad.”

“Maybe he was sad because he was being a jerk.” Jamie suggested.

“Or he was being a jerk because he was sad.” Bella corrected.

Jamie was thoroughly confused by Bella’s logic. “What’s the difference?”

Bella rolled her eyes and looked to her mother for some sense of sanity.

“I’m gonna call your Mama.” Ali announced. If Lexi wasn’t available, the next best person to get through to Samuel would be Ashlyn. 

...

"Baby, where are you?" Ali asked. She had called her wife, who made an early exit from dinner with Jacob and his kids. 

"I'm with Jake.” Ash answered with a laugh. “Babe, you’re the one who told me to drive him and the kids home.” She often teased her wife about getting old and forgetting things.

Ali didn’t have time to joke around. She got right to the point. “Ashlyn, I need you to check on Samuel on your way home.”

“Why?” Ash asked, sensing that her wife was alarmed about something.

Ali knew her wife’s attention was all hers. She felt like Ashlyn was a lifeline for her. She knew she would soon get answers because Ash would make sure of it.

Ali explained the situation to Ashlyn. She told her wife she didn’t know if anything was really wrong, but she had a gut feeling that their son needed help.

...

Ashlyn saw that Sam’s truck was parked in the parking lot of his apartment complex. She made her way to his door and knocked. When there was no answer she waited a few moments before using her key to open the door. She had used it hundreds of times. Samuel had given a key to every member of his family. His life was an open book. He had no secrets. 

At least that’s what everyone thought.


	248. Planning (Part Two)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a FLASHFORWARD chapter.

“Don’t tell Lex.” 

Ashlyn heard her son say after she had let herself into his apartment. The living space was dark from him blocking the windows. It was almost empty of his belongings. There were a few boxes scattered on the floor that held various items. His television was gone. There were no pictures on the walls. The last piece of furniture was his couch.

Samuel had fallen asleep. He didn’t hear his Mama’s knocks. When she let herself in, the light from the outside world woke him up. He had been sleeping on the couch. 

“What’s going on?” Ash asked. 

Samuel was still groggy from the sleeping medication his doctor had prescribed him. His leg pain had become unbearable when trying to sleep. Samuel tried to think of something to explain what his mother was seeing, but there was no excuse that he could come up with. All he could do was beg that she wouldn’t worry Lexi with his problems.

“Sam...” Ash said with a shaken voice. She knew there would be no answer that would put her mind at ease. Ali was right, something was wrong with their son. “What is happening to you?”

“Ma...” Samuel sat up gingerly. His leg was starting to throb now that he was conscious. “It’s not a big deal.”

Ashlyn picked up a framed picture of their family from a box, and wondered why it wasn’t in it’s usual spot on a table next to Samuel’s bed. “What is...Why?” Ashlyn was having trouble articulating her thoughts. Nothing seemed to make sense.

Sam carefully stood up and limped to where his mother stood. He put his hands on her shoulders to try and comfort her as he said, “I’m leaving.”

...

“Charlotte, I need you to try to eat something.” Lexi said. 

The two of them were waiting to board a plane. Charlie’s uncle's funeral was in California. The artist had gone back and forth about whether she wanted to attend the memorial service of a man she barely knew. Lexi encouraged her to do what she felt she needed to do. 

Charlie pushed away the sandwich her fiancé had bought her and said, “I’m not hungry,”

“Baby, you need to eat. You haven’t eaten anything all day.” Lexi replied.

Charlie put her hand over her stomach and answered, “I feel like I’m gonna throw up. I don’t need to eat anything.”

“How about just a few bites?” Lex asked. She held out the previously rejected food and waited for her fiancé to give in. Lexi smiled when Charlie took a small bite. “Thank you.” Lexi said. She pulled out a large bottle of cold water and added, “You need to drink too.”

Charlie rolled her eyes as she slowly chewed the sandwich her fiancé had just talked her into eating. 

“Charlotte, I know what you’e going to say, but you always get dehydrated when we fly. I don’t want you to get a headache.”

“Lex, you don’t have to stress out so much about taking care of me.” Charlie replied. “I’m not a child.”

“I know.” Lex answered. “But you are the love of my life and you can’t stop me from wanting to take care of you.”

“I guess I can’t argue with that.” Charlie answered. She took a sip of water before taking another bite of food. Charlie wasn’t lying about having an upset stomach. She forced another small bite of the sandwich down and then handed the uneaten portion back to Lexi. “I can’t eat any more.”

Lexi didn’t argue. She knew she was already pushing her luck to begin with. Charlie wasn’t stubborn or anything, but she was extremely nervous about meeting her family, which is why her stomach was upset. She had never met most of her family before. This was a big deal.

There was a falling out between her father and his side of the family. It happened gradually when he started dating her mother. Charlie wasn’t clear about all the details. All she really knew was that when her father needed them, they were nowhere to be found. She was always sitting alone in his hospital room. All they ever had was each other. After his death, it wasn’t until Lexi came along that she stopped feeling all alone in the world.

...

“What do you mean you’re leaving?” Ashlyn asked. She couldn’t bear the thought of not having her Sam-Bam nearby.

Samuel led his mother to the couch and moved the mess of clothes, blankets, and pillows out of the way for her to sit down.

“Ma, there’s no need for me to be here anymore.”

Ashlyn had no idea how to respond. She searched the room for a hint of what was happening with her son, but all she could see was emptiness.

Samuel cleared his throat to get Ashlyn’s attention and said, “I can’t work. Lex doesn’t need me to take care of her anymore. You are doing better with your health. Mom has the twins and the rescue shelter to keep her busy.” Sam was trying to give his mother reasons that justified his decision. “There’s nothing left for me here.”

Ashlyn’s head was spinning. She knew that if she didn’t get a hold of her emotions she might have an anxiety attack. Ali always had her medication in her purse, just in case. No Ali, meant no medicine. 

Ashlyn took a few deep, calming breaths before answering, “I need you, Bam.”

“I know.” Sam answered. “I’m not going away forever.”

Ashlyn used her fingers to massage her temples and asked, “Where are you going?”

“I’m not exactly sure yet.” Sam answered. “I’m selling all my stuff and getting a motorcycle. I think my first stop will be to go backpacking on a mountain somewhere.”

Ashlyn was all for adventure, but her son was in no shape to climb a mountain. “Sam, what about your leg?”

“My leg is the reason I’m doing this!” Sam snapped. The hurt look on his mother’s face calmed him down immediately. “Sorry...I’m just...stuck.” 

“What do you mean?” Ash asked. 

“I gotta find some kind of purpose.” Sam explained. “I’m hoping an adventure will make me feel alive again. Right now, I feel...nothing.”

“Why haven’t you said anything? I mean, I get that you wouldn't want us to worry, but this isn’t like you. If you were unhappy, you should have said something.”

“Did you really think I was happy?” Sam asked, with a hint of bitterness. He was always happy...at least that’s what everyone thought. It had become an expectation. He almost felt trapped by it. He didn’t want to disappoint anyone by revealing that he was unhappy. 

Ashlyn wanted to cry. Her son had needed her, and she didn’t know it.

“Sam, what can I do to help you?” Ashlyn asked.

Samuel rubbed the side of his leg in an attempt to relieve some of the physical pain he was feeling and said, “Don’t try to stop me.”

There were limited options for Samuel to fix his physical pain, but he was convinced he knew how to heal the internal pain he was feeling. 

“What if I go with you?” Ash asked. She hadn’t really thought the offer through, all she could think about was helping her son. 

Sam laughed, “Ma, you’re in even worse shape than I am.” He added seriously, “Besides, you already know you’re purpose in life. I still have to find mine.”

“You have purpose, Bam.” Ash argued. “How can you not see that?”

“I thought my purpose was to help people.” Sam said, referring to being a firefighter. "I can’t do that anymore.” Sam put up a hand and added, “I know what you’re gonna say. You’re gonna tell me that I can still help people in other ways.”

“That’s exactly what I’m going to tell you.”

“But I need to find out what I’m supposed to do on my own. I can’t sit here any longer and wait for life to pass me by.”

Ashlyn sighed in resignation and asked, “Why haven’t you told Lexi? If you just leave, you will break her heart.” She didn’t mention that it would break her heart too.

“I guess I’ve been putting it off. I’m not sure when I’ll be back. I was first planning to wait until after her wedding, but I can’t put it off any longer.”

“Sam, you should wait...” Ash started to say. 

She was cut off when Sam answered bluntly, “I don’t know how much longer I’ll last if I don’t go.”

Ashlyn felt dizzy as she tried to comprehend what her son had just told her. “What are you saying?”

“It’s gotten bad, Ma. I’ve never felt so worthless or hopeless in my life. There’s nothing left for me to live for....” Sam steadied his emotions and added, “I mean, I know there is...but sometimes it’s hard to see...Actually, right now it’s always hard to see.”

Ashlyn had been fighting tears since her arrival at her son’s apartment. Samuel’s confession of depression had pushed her over the edge.

Sam put his arms around his mother and held her as she cried.

...

“He can’t miss his sister’s wedding!” Ali argued. She had just heard her wife’s explanation of what was going on with their son. Ashlyn knew that if Lexi’s wedding was what she was worried about, then Ali was in denial about Sam’s problems.

“Alex, who cares about the wedding?” Ash answered. 

Her wife’s response brought Ali back to reality. “He’s really hurting?”

“Yeah.” Ash confirmed. “I’ve never seen him like this. He seems to think that he needs to leave. He thinks it’s the only solution.”

“I don’t understand. How will it help him to be alone?”

Ashlyn shook her head sadly and answered, “I don’t know.”

...

 

“Are you ready for this?” Lexi asked. Both her and her fiancé were dressed in all black. They were in a rental car, sitting in the parking lot of the funeral home where her uncle’s memorial service was being held. 

Charlie leaned forward in the passenger seat and put her face in her hands. Lexi heard her mumble, “Not really.”

Lexi rubbed Charlie’s back gently and waited patiently for her to ready herself for what was ahead. 

“I just keep thinking...” Charlie said. “Why did they all let my dad die alone? Maybe we shouldn’t have come.”

Lex knew that Charlie had determined in her heart that it was the right thing for her to do. It would have been easy for Lexi to talk her out of it, and she wasn’t exactly looking forward to what they would encounter, but she knew that Charlie needed to get some closure. 

“Baby, we can do whatever you want to do, but we’ve come all this way.” Lex answered. 

Charlie leaned back and closed her eyes. Lexi pulled her into a hug. “Thanks for being here.” Charlie whispered.

Lexi kissed her cheek and replied, “There is nowhere else I would rather be.”

“Right.” Charlie said, with a hint of sarcasm. “You wouldn’t rather be on a beach somewhere...or on our honeymoon?”

Lexi laughed. “You know what I mean.” 

Charlie got serious and replied, “Yeah, I do...and I feel the same way.”

...

“So, what’s this nonsense about you leaving?” Jacob asked. Ali had filled him in and asked him to be sensitive about changing Samuel’s mind. The ‘sensitive’ part of her request must not have been received.

“Who told you?” Sam asked. 

The two had met for lunch at a burger place near their parents’ house. 

“Who do you think?” Jake asked as he took a huge bite of his hamburger.

Sam didn’t have to ask if his assumption was right. He knew it was his mother. “What did she say?”

“She wants me to talk you out of it.” Jake answered. 

Sam rolled his eyes and said, “You can’t talk me out of it.”

“I wasn’t going to.” Jacob replied. He dipped a french fry into a container of bbq sauce and said, “You’re a big boy. You can make your own decisions.”

“You really believe that?”

“Yeah, I mean...They may be horrible, but you’re old enough to make your own horrible choices.”

Samuel didn’t know why, but his brother’s bluntness made him laugh. At least he wasn’t crying or telling him he was crazy.

“My wife told me your feelings are valid and I need to be supportive.” Jacob added.

“Rachel said that?” Sam asked in surprise. “I never would’ve thought that she would agree with me.”

“She doesn’t agree with you. She said your feelings are valid. She thinks you are taking a lot of risks to find peace and that you should make sure this is really what you want.” Jake answered. “She said that you might just be running away from reality and end up somewhere far away only to find out that you were wrong.”

Sam shrugged and replied, “She’s too deep for me.”

“You don’t think that maybe she’s right?”

“I don’t know...maybe.” Sam answered. He seemed content with his answer.

“Sooooo, you’re just gonna leave on some adventure that you don’t really have planned out, and you don’t know how long you’ll be gone, or where you’ll end up?” Jake asked. His brother was always a little wild, but he never thought he would just disappear form their life without hesitation.

“Yeah, basically.” Sam answered.

Jacob hadn’t really been worried about Sam leaving, but hearing him say it himself made it feel real. “Sam, trust me when I say I know what it’s like to be looking for something to give your life purpose. I’ve been alone. I’ve been searching...and I know without a doubt that what you need is your family.”

“Jake that was what was true for you, but I’m not you.” Sam replied. Jacob was referring to when he was a kid and was searching for his brother and sister. Once he found them, he had found his peace. 

“Sam, don’t take what you have for granted. You have a great life!” Jacob replied in frustration. 

“You just don’t understand.” Sam argued. “If you can’t support me, then I don’t know what to tell you.” Samuel wanted to get up and leave, but his big brother deserved more respect from him than that.

“It’s not that I can’t support you. I just can’t understand.” Jacob replied in a much calmer tone. “What about Lex? She’s gonna go crazy without you.”

“Lex will be fine. She’s got Charlie.” Sam answered. “Don’t you see? Now is the perfect time for me to do this. What’s holding me back? I have nothing. I’m not complaining. It’s kind of awesome to have no ties. There’s no reason why I can’t go and explore the world.” Samuel leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms in front of his chest. “I get it, you know? I get that it doesn’t make sense to you guys. But I’m not you guys. I’m not attached to anything in this world, except for people. And all of my people can manage without me for a while.”

“My kids are really going to miss you.” Jacob said. “Abby is gonna want to go with you.”

Sam smiled at the thought of bringing his wild niece along. She was a mini version of him. “I would love to take her.” He replied. “But I would probably need to give Rachel a minute-by-minute itinerary. And that’s just not my style.”

Both brothers shared a laugh. Jacob knew he couldn’t talk Samuel out of leaving. He hated to have to tell his mother that his efforts were in vain.

...

Halfway through the funeral, Lexi followed Charlie out into the hallway. 

“I just needed some air.” Charlie said, as an apology for leaving.

“I understand.” Lex replied. She pointed to a chair and had her fiancé sit down. 

Charlie held Lexi’s hand mindlessly as she explained what she was thinking, “They were step-brothers. I know they weren’t really related, but every time I see him in the casket I feel like I’m seeing my dad.” Charlie squeezed Lexi’s hand tightly and said, “This is really hard.”

Lexi bent down and hugged her fiancé. She kissed her head and was about to attempt to comfort her with the right words when they found out they weren’t alone.

“Excuse me. I’m so sorry to interrupt.” A blonde woman said. She was about their age and in Lexi’s opinion needed to learn the meaning of privacy.

Charlie wiped her eyes as she looked up at the woman. She was embarrassed that someone had seen her in such a vulnerable state. Lexi hated that Charlie was made to feel ashamed. 

“We were just having a private moment.” Lexi answered protectively. She wanted to tell the woman to give them space, but thought it would be inappropriate under the circumstances.

The woman didn’t seem to catch on to Lexi’s tone. She gave all of her attention to Charlie. “I’ve seen pictures of you.” 

Charlie didn’t answer. She was still too embarrassed. 

The woman stuck her hand out and said, “I’m Chloe.”

The woman’s name seemed to mean something to Charlie. She stood up and grabbed her hand only to use it to pull her into a hug.

Lexi was throughly confused.

Charlie felt Lexi’s hand on her back and gathered her thoughts. “Sorry...” She said, apologizing to her fiancé. “This is my cousin, Chloe. Her dad is...I mean WAS my uncle.”

Lexi nodded in understanding. Chloe was the daughter of the man who had died. Lex decided that she had a free pass. Their awkward exchange made more sense, considering she was a grieving daughter.

“I really am sorry to interrupt.” Chloe said. “I just know that you understand.”

Lexi wasn’t sure what exactly the blonde meant by her statement, but Charlie seemed to.

“Things have been crazy.” Chloe explained. “My mom didn’t want me to call you, but I knew he would have wanted me to.”

Charlie didn’t know how to articulate her thoughts. She simply nodded in understanding. Lexi watched the interaction, wishing she had more answers about what was going on.

Chloe continued, “My dad cared about you. He told me about how successful you were as an artist and said that your dad would be proud.”

Charlie started crying again.

“He said that stubbornness kept him from being there for you and your dad. That was his biggest regret. He said everyone told him he didn’t owe you guys anything, but he felt differently than he acted.” She explained.

The woman spoke as if she had been carrying a secret that she could no longer hold on to. 

“I got married a few months ago. It was a special time for us. He said that he wished you would be able to have that experience with your dad. He said that he had one more chance to make things right with his brother.” Chloe added.

Before a falling out over Charlie’s mother, the brothers were close. They didn’t share a bloodline, but became family through marriage. They were about the same age and both were glad to no longer be an only child. Charlie’s father fell in love with a woman that everyone else knew was bad news. When Charlie was born, her mother took off. The family chose to stay away too. Her dad was a free spirit, just like Charlie. They felt he was always getting himself into some sort of trouble. They didn’t want to have to constantly keep bailing him out. They drew a line and refused to cross it. 

Charlie didn’t know most of the story behind her father’s split with his family. The reason had a lot to do with her, because they thought raising a baby was another ‘mess’ they would have to rescue him from. He never wanted her to know, because he never considered her anything other than his little miracle.

“I gotta get back.” Chloe said. She looked at Lexi and added, “You probably think I’m crazy for leaving my own father’s funeral. I just know that he would want me to make things right...and I didn’t know when I would get a chance to see you again. I thought you were leaving.”

Lexi replied with understanding, “It makes sense. We can talk again when everything settles down.” Lexi wrote her phone number on a little piece of paper and handed it to Charlie’s cousin. “I know she would like that.” Lexi said and pulled Charlie into a side hug. 

Lexi left her arm around her fiancé’s waist as she watched the cousins say their goodbyes. It was quick and a little awkward, but Lex knew it was exactly what Charlie needed.

...

Ali sat next to her wife with her hands folded in her lap. Everyone had failed at talking her sweet baby boy out of leaving on an unknown adventure. She imagined him getting eaten by a bear or falling off of a cliff. Either way, she didn’t see anything good coming out of her son’s desire to go.

Samuel and Jacob had left lunch to join their parents at the house they grew up in. Jake hoped that between the three of them they could talk some sense into Sam.

“Sweetheart, I don’t want you to do anything dangerous. Can you promise me that you won’t do anything dangerous?” Ali asked. 

Everyone, including Ali, knew that there was no way Samuel would be able to honestly agree to that. 

“I’ll try.” Sam replied. It was the best answer he could give.

“Rach just texted me.” Jake announced. He jumped up from where he was sitting and said, “She’s here with the kids.” He hurried outside to help his wife bring in their children. Samuel and Ashlyn were thankful for the distraction. Ali needed a break from worrying.

Rachel made no small talk. She pointed at Sam and said, “I need to talk to my little brother in private.”

Samuel’s eyes got big and he whispered to his parents nervously, “She only calls me her ‘little brother’ when I’m in trouble.”

Ali thought that maybe, just maybe, her genius daughter-in-law could keep her son from making a big mistake. 

Rachel dragged Samuel away by the arm. “Sit.” She said. She had pulled him into Jacob’s old room. Samuel sat down on his brother’s old bed as Rachel closed the door and said, “I think I have a solution to your problem.”

“Really?” Sam replied, unconvinced. No one seemed to be able understand his problem and he really doubted that his sister-in-law could.

“Really.” Rachel answered confidently. “I haven’t talked to Jake about it, but I think I may have figured out the perfect solution for both of us.”

“Both of us?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The storyline involving Sam is something that I have been hinting at for a little while. 
> 
> Rachel's involvement is something that was mentioned a VERY long time ago. If anyone can guess what her deal is I will give you an internet high five and be super impressed!
> 
> I have been waiting a long time to write about this.


	249. Planning (Part Three)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a FLASHFORWARD chapter.

Ali carefully sat in her wife’s lap. She handed her 2 small pills and a glass of water.

“How’d you know?” Ashlyn asked. 

Ali kissed Ash’s cheek and answered, “I always know.”

Ashlyn took the medication and with her eyes closed laid her head against her wife’s shoulder. Her head was pounding. 

“Our children are stressing me out.” Ashlyn said with a dramatic sigh. 

Ali held her wife tight and replied, “Just wait until Lexi finds out.”

“We should go on vacation.” Ash joked. “Give Lex a chance to find out, blow up, and then settle down before we come back.” 

“Can you imagine?” Ali replied with a tired laugh. She sighed sadly and added, “Poor Samuel.”

“I hate that he felt like he couldn’t say anything sooner.” Ashlyn said. “I think he was gonna leave without saying anything at all.”

Ali could feel her wife’s heart rate quicken. “Baby, let‘s do our calming breathing and visualization.”

“OUR calming breathing and visualization?” Ash asked sarcastically. Her wife often tried to make her feel better about having to do exercises to control her anxiety by making it sound like they both had to do them. 

“You know what I mean.” Ali replied.

“Alex, I can’t do anything calm right now. All I can think of is our son. And I know that you’re just as worried as I am.”

“That is very true. But I need you to stay healthy. Our Samuel isn’t going anywhere tonight.” Ali kissed Ashlyn’s cheek, twirled a strand of Ashlyn’s hair on her finger, and asked, “How’s your head? Is it starting to feel better?”

Ashlyn opened her eyes and answered, “A little.”

Ali stood up and held out her hand. Ash took it and Ali helped her up saying, “Come on. Let’s go to bed.”

...

“Good morning.” Lexi quietly greeted Charlie. They were still recovering from the previous day. It was long and emotionally draining for both of them. Lexi knew that if she was feeling tired, then her fiancé must be exhausted.

Charlie yawned while returning the greeting. “Morning, babe.”

Charlie stretched and groaned as she attempted to wake up. She knew they had to catch a flight, or else she might have begged Lex to let her sleep a little longer.

Lexi and Charlie shared a kiss before Lex asked, “You ready to go home?”

Charlie’s face wore a tired smile as she answered, “I can’t wait to get home. It will be nice to relax and get away from all the drama.”

“I took tomorrow off from work so we can cuddle all day without interruption.” Lexi replied. She knew Charlie would appreciate the extra day of recovery from their trip.

“Thank you.” Charlie replied. She pulled Lexi close to her and kissed her gently. “Thank you for everything. You are my ray of sunshine breaking through my dark skies.”

Lexi laughed as she said, “That was super cheesy, babe...But really sweet.”

“You like cheesy.” Charlie stated.

Lexi bit her lip and nodded. “I do like cheesy. And I love you.”

...

Samuel sat at his brother’s kitchen table and colored with his nephew, while Rachel made lunch. “How have you not talked to him about it yet?” Sam asked. 

Rachel had told Samuel her solution for his need to find purpose and adventure in his life. She warned him not to say anything until she was able to talk to Jacob about it.

“Sam, you need to trust me. I know how to handle your brother. Remember what I said....” Rachel answered. She gave Samuel a stern look and added, “You need to be patient. Even with Jake’s support, it’s gonna take time.”

“I can be patient if I know there is something to look forward to.” Sam replied. 

Rachel gave her son, Asher, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and then gave her brother-in-law a juice box and some more advice. “Be patient and keep your mouth shut until we have more answers.”

Sam saluted the doctor and replied, “Yes ma’am.”

Asher giggled at his crazy uncle’s actions.

Samuel couldn’t help but stare longingly at his nephew’s food. Rachel smiled and slid a plate in front of her brother-in-law. “I made you one, too.”

Sam saluted Rachel again and excitedly repeated, “Yes ma’am!” 

...

“How can you be so selfish?” Lexi yelled. 

News traveled fast in the Krieger-Harris family. However, Samuel didn’t expect it to travel as fast as it did. He thought he would have a little more time. 

Sam ignored his sister’s question and asked one of his own. “Who told you?”

“Bella.” Lexi answered. “Apparently everyone in the entire family knows what’s going on with you besides me.”

“I didn’t mean for it to happen like that.” Sam said, trying to defend himself. “Mom had a psychic moment and sent Ma to check on me.” 

“You know what, Samuel? I don’t even care. The fact that you would plan some stupid trip during my wedding shows what kind of a person you are.” Lexi snapped. 

As soon as Lex had heard from her little sister about Sam’s plans, she headed to his apartment. She and Charlie hadn’t even been home yet. They came straight from the airport.

Charlie tried to calm her fiancé down. She put a hand on her shoulder and said, “Babe, we should hear him out.”

Lexi turned to face Charlie and replied, “Just the fact that he would even consider not being at our wedding makes me not want him there.” She turned back toward Samuel and said, “I’m sure Jacob or Jamie will be happy to take your place standing next to me. I don’t need you there!”

“Lex, you need to calm down.” Sam begged. His sister didn’t understand. He felt like no one understood, but at least the rest of his family were willing to listen.

When Lexi heard him say ‘calm down’ she did the opposite. She slapped him in the face and said, “How dare you talk to me like I’m being irrational about this? You’re supposed to be my best friend.”

Sam couldn’t look at his sister. He kept his head down, but Charlie could see his eyes starting to water. She wanted to say something, but she felt like she couldn’t say anything without making things worse for both Lexi and Sam. 

“Lex...” Charlie said calmly. She softly grabbed Lexi’s arm and said, “We should go home.” She gently pulled Lexi towards her and away from Samuel. 

Sam had yet to say anything after his sister struck him. He didn’t even move. He didn’t want Lexi to know that she had hurt him.

Once Lex and Charlie had made it to their apartment, Charlie listened to her fiancé rant in anger about her little brother. She waited until Lexi was in the shower to call Sam and check up on him. When he didn’t answer she called Jake. She explained the situation and Jacob promised to check on him. 

...

“My sweet little princess got her temper from you, ya know?” Ash said jokingly to Ali, referring to their early years of marriage. 

They had both come a long way in their maturity and treatment of one another. Ali was always the one with the short fuse. She had said a lot of hurtful things to Ashlyn that she wished she could take back.

Ali hated to admit it, but she knew Ashlyn was right. “I know.” Ali answered. 

There was no sign of laughter or joking in Ali’s answer. She felt horrible about the way her daughter had acted, because it reminded her of the example she had set so many years ago.

“Babe, I was kidding.” Ash said, trying to quickly set her wife’s heart at ease. 

Ali shook her head and replied, “I know. But you were also telling the truth.”

Ashlyn pulled her wife into a hug and said, “Alex, you’re being too hard on yourself. You may have been a bad example, but in the long run you have been a great example. You’ve changed. Our daughter is intelligent and kind, she will get it together too.”

“Will you check on Sammy, while I go talk to Lexi?” Ali asked. 

“Of course.” Ash answered. “Hey, remember when Lex and Sam were little and we would have to do this exact thing back then...” Ash said, followed by a small laugh. “They’re good kids. Just like back then, they’ll figure this out.”

Ali was encouraged by the thought that they had been through all of this before, but at the same time, she felt like things weren’t the same at all. 

...

Ashlyn knocked on her son’s door and this time waited for him to answer. She was surprised to see her oldest son answer the door.

“Hey, Mama.” Jacob greeted. “We were just finishing up.”

Ash didn’t know how to respond, so she didn’t. She let her boys get back to their conversation.

“Listen Bam, this is something that Rach has wanted to do since she was a little girl. If you are agreeing to do this just so you can make reckless decisions and endanger my wife, I promise you I’ll kill you.” Jacob threatened. 

Now Ashlyn was really confused.

Samuel rolled his eyes as his answer to his brother's warning.

“Sam, I’m serious. I trust her with you, but only if you promise me you will look out for her. That’s the only way I will agree to any of this.” Jacob added.

Ashlyn cleared her throat and asked, “What are you talking about?”

Samuel ignored his mother’s question and answered his brother, “Jake, I’m not going to let anything happen to her. I promise you.”

Jake followed Sam’s declaration with one more question, “You promise to put her safety ahead of your own curiosity or need for adventure?”

“I promise.” Samuel answered without hesitation.

Ash waved her hands in the air to try to get her two oldest sons’ attention, “Seriously, what is going on?” She asked. 

Both boys kept their focus on one another. Jacob nodded in agreement and said, “Fine. But you need to listen to her. She’s in charge. She’s the one that knows what she’s doing.”

“I know.” Sam replied.

“Ok, then...” Jacob gave his younger brother a hug and said, “I know this is good thing, but I don’t want anything to happen to her.”

Jacob patted his brother’s back roughly, in a ‘cool guy’ sorta way, and then turned his attention over to their Mama.

“We got it all figured out. No need to worry.” Jacob announced. He gave his mother a hug and kiss and left the two to talk alone.

To anyone else in the entire world it would have been obvious that Ashlyn was stunned and in need of answers, but not to Samuel. He returned to his packing and asked, “Ma, can I stay with you and Mom for a while. I need a place to crash starting next week.”

Samuel finally noticed that his mother was in shock when he didn’t get an answer.

“Are you ok?” He asked. 

“Son, what the heck was that all about?” She asked. She pointed to the door where her oldest son had just left through.

“What?” Sam asked. He figured out what his mother was asking before she had a chance to answer so he answered himslef. “Ohhhh, you mean about Jake and me? We worked everything out. Rachel told me not to say anything until Jake was on board. We’re gonna plan a trip to help orphans in Africa. She’s going as a doctor, and I can help a little with that because of my training, but I’m going to help build an orphanage.”

“This is your great adventure to find purpose?” Ashlyn asked. She felt a tightening in her chest and knew it wasn’t because of fear or anxiety. It was from pride. “You’re going to help children...That’s your purpose....That’s....kinda perfect, actually.”

“It’s a little risky. The area we want to go to has a lot of conflict, but the need is too big to be ignored.” Sam explained. “Rachel needed Jake to not only agree to funding it, but also agree to be without her for at least a month.”

“You’re gonna be gone for a month?”

“At least.” Sam answered. “I’ll be honest, Ma. If I feel like I need to stay after that, I might stay.”

“I doubt you’ll be able to plan something of this magnitude quickly. What’s the timeline for departure?” Ash asked. 

Samuel sighed loudly and answered, “Rachel says I need to be patient. It will take a while. And she said we will for sure wait until after Lexi’s wedding.”

Sam’s answer reminded Ashlyn of her daughter’s blow up. “Why didn’t you tell Lex last night that you would be at her wedding now that your plans have changed?”

“Because Rachel told me not to say anything until she spoke with Jacob. I didn’t know what else to say to smooth things over. Lexi just went crazy...I mean...more crazy than usual.”

Ashlyn knew that her daughter’s actions had hurt her son. It wasn’t so much the pain he felt on his cheek from the slap, but the pain he felt when his best friend treated him like an enemy.

“She went crazy because you’re important to her and she felt like she wasn’t important to you.” Ash replied.

“I know, but I couldn’t say anything.” Sam said. “Ma, you know what it’s like to feel like you have to take care of yourself first sometimes. I always put Lex first, and I don’t regret that. But I’m at a place where if I keep doing that, I will disappear. I need to make a change. I need to do something.”

Ashlyn understood. Sam’s habit of seeking others’ joy above his own had left him feeling empty. He couldn’t put it off any longer. It was time for Samuel to do what was best for him.

“I get it, Bam. But what about the time it will take to plan this amazing trip of yours? Can you wait that long? You have a restless heart. I’m worried about you.”

Sam answered with confidence, “Rachel asked me the same thing and I told her the truth. I can wait as long as I know there is something worth waiting for. I know that there are probably endless details and cultural things to learn, but it’s something that I know I will love doing.”

“You’re perfect for this type of thing. What about your leg? Will you be able to do all the work needed to build and orphanage?” Ash asked.

“Yeah, I think so. I’m not gonna be running around, or doing gymnastics, or anything.”

Ash laughed, “That’s true.” She picked up one of Samuel’s boxes and asked, “Should we start moving you in now, or later?” 

The silver lining of Samuel soon not having an apartment to live in, was that Ashlyn once again had her number one partner in crime. The two of them had a lot of trouble left to get into together. 

Ali was gonna have her hands full.

...

Charlie held her breath while Ali informed her daughter of the change of plans for her day. “I’m taking you out to lunch.” 

Lexi eyed her fiancé, who looked nervous, and answered, “Charlie and I have plans today.” 

Lexi had planned a day of cuddling and relaxation. She felt that her fiancé needed the extra attention after the difficult couple of days she had had. Normally a lunch date with her mother wouldn’t be a big deal, but Lex felt she couldn’t leave Charlie alone. 

“It’s ok.” Charlie answered. “I have a little work I need to do. It will only take an hour or so.” 

Lexi knew that her fiancé wasn’t being truthful. She didn’t like that one bit. “Why are you lying?” Lexi asked without hesitation. “My mom and I can get lunch any time. Today is our day.”

Charlie lied again, “I’m not lying. I won’t be gone long.” Charlie kissed Lexi’s forehead and added, “Love you.” She quickly made her exit before her future wife could argue. 

“She didn’t even take her art bag.” Lexi said. She started to follow Charlie, but was stopped by her mother’s hand.

“Sweetheart, she doesn’t need to work. I asked her if she could give us an hour alone.” Ali explained.

“You asked her to lie to me?” 

Ali saw a look of anger in her daughter’s eyes and cut it off before she had a chance to explode. “I didn’t ask her to lie. You know better than that. But she did ask me to talk to you. She didn’t know what else to do.”

Lexi couldn’t believe that Charlie would do such a thing. She didn’t understand why her fiancé would think she needed Ali’s help.

“Lexi, she told me about what happened between you and your brother last night. She said you hit him and said some really unkind things.”

"Mom, Sammy broke my heart.” Lexi confessed.

Ali knew that what her daughter said was true, but it was only true because she didn’t know the whole story. 

“Sweetheart, your brother is really hurting right now. He told your Mama that he didn’t feel like he had any reason to keep living. I know that his solution of going on a trip in the middle of your wedding doesn’t make any sense to us...but it makes sense to him.”

“He said that?” Lexi asked. Her eyes immediately started to fill with tears. She couldn’t believe that her brother would ever feel that way. Samuel was everyone’s favorite person. He always seemed so happy. There was something special about him that every person who knew him could clearly see. Lexi wondered how he couldn’t see it for himself.

Ali nodded sadly, trying to keep from crying. “He’s been having trouble sleeping. He is always in physical pain, but your Mama said that his emotional pain is much worse.” Ali wiped a stray tear from her cheek and added, “I’m really worried about him.”

Ashlyn hadn’t had a chance to inform Ali of Sam and Rachel’s new plan. She didn’t know that her son was no longer planning to disappear from their lives to an unknown place for an unknown amount of time. 

She was worried sick about her son.

“Why didn’t he tell me?” Lexi asked. She was feeling shocked, hurt, and worried all at once. Lexi felt as if the wind had been knocked out of her. She soon joined her mother in wiping away her tears and worrying about Samuel.

Ali replied to her daughter’s question like it was the most obvious answer in the world. “Because he loves you and wants you to be happy.” 

“I need to see him.” Lexi declared. She started for the door, but once again felt her mother’s hand pull her back. 

Ali wanted her daughter to see him and make things right, but she had more she needed to say. 

“Lex, before you go anywhere I need to talk to you.” 

Lexi already felt guilty enough, but she knew by her mother’s tone what she was going to say. Having to face her mistake made her feel even worse.

Ali spent almost a full hour talking to her daughter about her own battle with overcoming her temper. She shared moments that Lexi already knew about, and some that she had never known. Ali shared with her that marrying Ashlyn was the best decision she ever made, but their journey to find balance in their differences wasn’t always easy. 

Ali encouraged her daughter to do all that was in her power to learn from her mistakes and choose to grow from them. 

...

 

After Charlie had received a text from Lexi telling her that it was all clear for her to come home, Charlie arrived with a couple of special guests.

“Sammy!” Lexi yelled when she saw her little brother trail behind her fiancé and Ashlyn. 

Lexi jumped up from her chair and almost knocked over the cup of coffee she was having with her mother. Thanks to Ali’s quick reflexes the hot liquid didn’t spill. Lex rushed past Charlie and Ashlyn and threw her arms around Samuel’s neck. Over and over again she aggressively kissed the same cheek she had slapped the night before. 

“Ok, don’t make it weird.” Sam joked and gently pushed her away from him.

“Sammy, I am so sorry...I’m sorry I hit you...I’m sorry I yelled at you...And I’m most of all sorry that I didn’t know how much you were hurting.” Lexi apologized.

Sam sighed dramatically and replied, “Shut up, dummy. I told you not to make it weird.”

This time Lexi’s slap was of the playful nature when she hit her brother in the chest. 

“You’re so stupid!” Lex replied. “I’m pouring my heart out over here.” She let a smile find it’s way to her lips and added, “Thank you.” 

Lexi knew that Sam had forgiven her. He didn’t need to say it. She just knew. His way of doing things was always unique, but Lexi knew her brother’s intention and she felt a weight lift off of her heart.

“Lex, Sam-Bam wanted to tell you something.” Ash said. She thought quickly and added, “He said he wanted to tell you as soon as possible.” 

Ali shared a look with her wife. She knew that Sam probably didn’t say that. Ash had said it to make Lexi feel important to her brother. Of course, Lexi had always been important to her brother. 

She was the most important person to Samuel. 

...

After Sam and Ashlyn had explained to Ali, Lexi, and Charlie about the new plan, Lex made an unannounced visit to see her sister-in-law.

Though Lexi hadn’t let Rachel know she was stopping by the house, Rach had been expecting her.

“It took you long enough,” Rachel said with smirk.

Lexi narrowed her eyes and asked, “What do you mean?”

“You found out about me and Sam’s trip yesterday, right?” Rachel asked.

Lexi nodded and slowly answered, “Yeeeeah.”

“I figured you would have stopped by last night, or at the latest this morning.” Rachel added. She checked her watch and said, “It’s almost lunch time...You’re late.”

“I had to finish some paperwork at work. Charlie and I have been gone. I couldn’t put it off any longer.” Lexi explained. She felt like she was getting in trouble for showing up late to class.

Rachel sat down and crossed her arms across her chest and said, “Alright, go ahead.”

“Go ahead and what?” Lexi asked. Her sister-in-law had figured her out, but she was still a step behind.

“Say what you came to say.” 

Lexi stood up tall and said what she had come to say. “Don’t let anything happen to Sammy. He’s got a big heart and a wild spirit. You have to promise me you will take care of him.” 

“I promise.” Rachel replied sincerely.

Lexi maintained a stoic front and added, “If anything happens to him...” Lexi paused. 

She remembered her mother’s talk from the day before about controlling her emotions and thought she should probably change what she was going to say. Threatening death to her brother’s wife wasn’t in keeping with Ali’s challenge to be kind and patient.

“You’ll kill me.” Rachel said, finishing Lexi’s thought for her. 

“Well...” Lexi sighed, “...I probably won’t actually kill you.”

Rachel laughed, “That’s comforting.”

Lexi took a deep breath and said, “Look, Sammy is sensitive. I’ve been thinking about this whole trip thing. Don’t let it become too much for him.” Lexi struggled to explain what she was thinking and feeling about her little brother. “I just need to know that you will make sure he is ok.”

“Lex...” Rachel stood up and put her hands on her sister-in-law’s shoulders. “I promise to do everything in my power to take care of him.”

Rachel pulled Lexi into a warm embrace and added, “I won’t be able to do as good a job as you, but I promise to do my best.”

Lexi couldn’t ask for more.


	250. You Can't Save Everyone (Part One)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a FLASHFORWARD chapter.

She wore a messy bun in her hair and a pair of loose fitting work boots. She browsed the shelves for the right backpack. She needed one with an internal frame that would support the weight of all of her camping supplies. The adventurous woman noticed a man standing a few feet away from her looking for his own backpack.

“We have the same shoe laces.” The woman commented. She pointed at Samuel’s untied shoe lace and smiled. 

He examined the woman’s boots. Her laces were bright red and both were untied. He wondered how she was able to walk in them without them falling off. 

“My laces aren’t red.” He replied. His were blue. Sam thought the woman was attractive, but she seemed different.

She sighed and answered, “I know.”

That wasn’t the answer he was expecting to hear. He was expecting to hear her give her reason for saying they had the same shoe laces, when clearly they did not.

“Our laces are different.” Sam pointed out. He literally pointed it out. “See?” He asked, as he pointed to his shoes and then to hers.

“They’re the same.” She answered with a smile. “They’re both untied.” 

Sam smiled and nodded in understanding. “Yeah, you’re right. I guess they are the same. But to be fair only one of my laces is untied. I made an attempt at proper shoe wearing. You, on the other hand...”

The woman smiled along with Samuel and replied, “I was in a hurry.” She motioned her hand down her body and said, “I don’t usually wear a tank top and sweat pants with my boots, either.”

“What do you usually wear with them?” Sam asked. The woman in front of him was the most interesting person he could ever remember meeting.

“Well, I’m hoping I will be wearing a backpack soon.” She answered and gestured toward the shelf that they had both been perusing earlier. 

“Right.” Sam answered. He hesitated nervously before adding, “Look, I’m about to take a trip for a while. If I wasn’t I might have considered asking you out.”

The woman blushed and tried to cover her mouth with her hand. She didn’t want Sam to see that she was smiling like an idiot.

“Anyway...” Sam added quickly. “I guess I should go.” He grabbed the bag he had been looking at and started toward the cash registers.

“I might’ve said yes.” 

Sam heard the woman’s voice from behind him. He turned to face the whimsical brunette and the two shared a long look. Neither of them moved. There was something of significance shared in that moment. It was unfortunate that Sam was about to leave for an unknown amount of time. He really wanted to make a move.

The woman took a step towards him and said, “Hypothetically...” She took another step closer. “I might’ve said yes to your invitation.”

“Hypothetically.” Sam repeated. “Technically I’m not much of a dater.” He explained. “But I guess since we’re only talking ‘hypothetically’ I would definitely have asked you out.”

The woman walked right up to Sam and reached for his hand. She pulled a pen out of her pocket and wrote her name and number on his palm. “In that case...” She said, in reply to Sam’s last statement. “I hypothetically...definitely...would have said yes.”

...

“What kind of name is Mac for a girl?” Lexi said with narrowed eyes. She held her little brother’s hand in both of her’s and scowled at the name and number that were written across his palm.

Jacob laughed at his sister as Charlie defended the unknown woman from the camping store.

“My name is Charlie. Is that ok with you, Miss Name Police?” 

“Babe, your name is Charlotte. Your nickname is Charlie. There’s a difference.” Lexi answered.

Jacob asserted himself into the debate following a chuckle and said, “The difference is that Charlie isn’t a girl interested in Sam. You’re jealous.”

“I am not!” Lexi declared. “I just know she’s not good enough for him.” 

During the length of the conversation Sam had kept quiet. His sister’s protective ways humored him. He didn’t see any real potential in dating anyone at the moment, because he didn’t know where his life would end up taking him in the near future. Besides, he wasn’t interested in dating someone unless they were really something special. He had always come to find that most girls he showed any interest in only slowed him down. 

The group had moved on from the topic of the mystery girl with the masculine name and had started to discuss the specifics of Sam and Rachel’s upcoming trip. They were taking a quick trip to simply learn about the people and their needs in the little village they had chosen to help. They would only be gone for two weeks, but it would help them to plan better for the longer trip they were planning for after Lexi and Charlie’s wedding. 

The shorter trip also meant that Jacob could go with them. Ali and Ashlyn, along with Rachel’s dad, had volunteered to help take care of their kids while they were gone. Jacob felt much better about sending his wife to another country, knowing that he would get a chance to check things out before she went without him. Rachel always told him he worried too much about her. He sometimes agreed, but that didn’t mean he would stop. 

When Rachel informed him about the two week exploration trip, he didn’t give her a chance to properly invite him before he was talking about finding baby sitters and rearranging his schedule. She had always planned to invite him. After he had spent several minutes talking and writing down lists of things to do to get ready, she sat in his lap and kissed him to get him to shut up. He asked why she had kissed him and instead of answering she told him that he was invited on the trip, but only because she thought he was cute.

Jacob was relaying the story of his wife’s humorous invitation to him and how she still thought he was hot stuff, when Lexi interrupted unexpectedly.

“I bet it’s a fake name and number.” She said. She had not gotten her mind off of the girl who had written on her brother’s hand.

Charlie replied for everyone when she said, “Will you relax? You’re brother’s a catch.”

Sam finally responded to his sister’s craziness and added, “She came up to me. I didn’t ask her for that information. I doubt she would make something up just for the heck of it.” Then he added. “Plus she said she liked my shoe laces.”

Lexi looked at her brother’s shoe laces and scoffed, “You mean your untied shoe laces?” She was mocking him. She had no idea that it was in fact, his untied shoe lace that got the girl’s attention.

Sam confused his sister when he smiled big in response to her insult. He pulled her into a rough side hug and said, “Don’t worry, sis. You’ll always be my number one girl.”

“Shut up.” Lexi replied. She tried to push him away from her, but he was too strong.

After a struggle for the sake of teasing Lex, Sam let her go. It all seemed like a joke to Charlie and Jake, but it was more than that to Lexi and Sam. Lex put her arms around Sam’s waist and pulled him toward her.

“What about Mama?” Lex asked quietly, so that only Samuel could hear her.

Sam knew what she was really asking. Lex wanted to know where she ranked in her brother’s heart. It was terrible and irrational, but Sam was used to it.

“You’re tied for first.” Sam answered.

Lexi replied, “What about Mom?”

“Three way tie.”

“Abby?”

Sam smiled. “Four way tie...but you’re still my number one.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.” Lexi replied in frustration. She pinched her brother and pushed him away. 

At the end of the night Samuel said his goodbyes and saved Lexi for last. He hugged her and said, “I love all the women in our family, but you’re the only one who is my best friend.”

“I guess I can live with that.” Lexi replied with a small smile. 

After Sam had left, Charlie noticed that her fiancé’s eyes were filled with tears.

“Babe, what’s wrong?” Charlie asked. 

Lexi wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand and answered, “Nothing. Everything’s perfect.”

...

“Wake up.” Jacob said with very little enthusiasm. In his opinion, Samuel was a grown man and should be past the stage in his life of needing someone to wake him up.

Samuel rolled away from his brother’s voice and hid underneath the covers. He had stayed up far too late hanging out with his little brother and sister.

“Don’t make me get Rachel...or Lex.” Jake threatened. The family had gathered at Ali and Ashlyn’s house to have breakfast together before Jacob, Rachel, and Sam left for their trip.

Jake heard his brother groan, but there was no evidence that he was making any attempt to get up.

“I don’t have time for this.” Jacob mumbled to himself and left his parent’s guest room. Sam had moved in after selling the majority of his possessions...including his bed and apartment. Ash and Ali were happy to give their son a place to stay.

It wasn’t until Jacob helped himself to a second plate of breakfast that his wife asked him, “How long did Sam say it would take him to get up?”

“He didn’t say.” Jake answered. He added clarification, “He didn’t get up.”

Rachel, Lexi, and Ali all scolded in unison, “Jacob!”

“What?” Jake shrugged. “He’s a grown man. I’m not going to baby him. If he doesn’t get up, he doesn’t eat.”

Ashlyn left the rest of the family to take care of her son’s absence. 

As Ali watched her wife leave she said, “Jacob, these are our last few moments together before you leave. We need him awake so he can spend time with us.”

Lexi, Rachel, and Jacob argued about his role in helping Samuel. Lexi told him that he needed to watch over their little brother. Jake agreed, but said that they defined ‘taking care’ of Sam differently. In Jacob’s mind, Samuel needed a little more tough love. 

Ali left the arguing to her children. Ashlyn had been gone for a while and she wanted to make sure that she was part of the solution and not just worsening the problem. She remembered many times when Samuel was little that Ash was sent to wake him up and instead joined him in his sleeping state. 

Ali found her wife, sitting in bed with Samuel’s head in her lap. Ali wanted to tell them both to join the rest of the family, but she didn’t have the heart to take away such a beautiful moment from her wife and son. 

Ali stood at the door and listened in to their conversation.

“I am so proud of you, Sam-Bam.” Ashlyn said quietly, as she played with his short, messy hair. “No matter what happens, you need to know that you are one of the most amazing people I have ever met.”

There was a somberness in the moment. Sam had been struggling to find purpose, which made him underestimate his worth. Whatever was ahead of him, Ashlyn wanted him to know that he was enough. 

He didn’t need to save the world to be important. 

He only needed to be himself. 

Ash saw her wife watching from afar and motioned for her to come closer. She held her hand out and helped Ali onto the bed. Both parents sat on either side of their son. 

“Son, you just being you makes me proud.” Ash explained. She leaned down and kissed his head and added, “You’re my personal superhero.”

Ali was feeling sentimental as she listened to her wife. She rubbed Sam’s back and used her wife’s shoulder as support. Ash leaned into her wife and Ali took that as a signal that she was ready for her to take over the conversation. 

Ali cleared her throat and tried to keep a fresh batch of tears at bay. “Sweetheart, we are both so proud of you. Even when you’re feeling sad, you’re still a bright light in our world.”

Ali usually let Ashlyn do most of the talking when it came to issues of depression and sadness, because Ash had personal experience in those things. She gave her wife a pleading look as if to ask if what she said was ok. Ashlyn smiled. Ash felt like what she said was absolutely perfect.

Sam wiggled underneath the comforter that covered him and tried to sit up. Ash and Ali both moved out of the way, so that he could kick the blankets off of him. He spread his legs and arms out and sighed in relief. 

“You both are so dramatic.” Sam said. He shook his head and added, “You act like I’m dying, or something.” 

In typical Sam fashion he lightened a heavy moment. “No wonder Lex is so crazy.” He said. “She learned it from you two.”

Ash gave him a hard smack on the butt as he left them sitting on the bed. 

“That’s our Bam.” Ash said to her wife with a big smile on her face. She wasn’t worried that he didn’t take to heart what they had said. 

Both women knew that their boy was confident of his place in their hearts.

...

“Ok, I don’t need you to be fully awake, I just need you to be able to walk and take orders.” Rachel said to her sleepy brother-in-law. 

After breakfast and a few over-dramatic good-byes, the trio left the Krieger-Harris family to meet the rest of their team that would be traveling with them. Rachel had a couple of colleagues and friends who had expressed interest in being a part of the exploration trip. Sam had gone back to sleep in the car on the way to the airport. He was moving a little too slow for Rachel’s patience. 

“I’m awake.” He replied and picked up a large box of medical supplies. 

Rachel told him to put it down and explained, “We’re getting a cart.” Sam and Jake loaded two carts with their bare necessities and some supplies that a doctor friend of Rachel’s had requested they bring with them. 

Rachel had set up a meeting place inside the airport for the group to check in and get organized. As she introduced everyone, Samuel stood behind her and his brother. He was tired and daydreaming about his childhood dog, Monster. He thought that his faithful golden retriever would have loved to have gone on this epic adventure with him.

Jacob elbowed his brother when he didn’t notice that Rachel introduced him to the rest of the group. Samuel smiled and waved to everyone, but didn’t really pay much attention to what was going on. It took another hard elbow in the stomach from his brother before he snapped out of his daydream and focused on what his sister-in-law was saying.

“This is Mackenzie.” Rachel introduced. The woman stood in front of them in her untied work boots.

Samuel’s eyes stared at the woman’s feet for a long moment before he looked up and met her eyes with his own.

He smiled and said, “Nice shoe laces.”


	251. You Can't Save Everyone (Part Two)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a FLASHFORWARD chapter.
> 
> The chapter is set up to go back and forth from when Sam, Jake, and Rachel were on their trip and when they were back home. Let me know if it's confusing.

“It was really intense.” Jacob answered. Ali had just asked her son how his trip had gone.

After they had returned, Ali and Ash had a family dinner the next day to hear all about the exciting trip. Rachel and Jacob held their children in their laps and tried to make up for the two week’s the four of them were separated. All four of them were worn out. The children were tired from not sleeping well with their parents so far away, and Jake and Rachel were exhausted from their trip and missing their children. Ali knew that she needed to get answers quick before they fell asleep.

Lexi needed answers of her own. “Where’s Sam?”

She was frustrated that he had made no effort to contact her after he had arrived home. The fact that he was staying with their parents, and still managed to be missing from their family reunion dinner was extremely irritating to Lexi.

Ashlyn answered her daughter. “He said he will be here a little late. He said he had things to do. Considering that he has been gone for two weeks and has very little personal items of his own, I would imagine he needed to pick up a few things.”

Jacob smirked and added, “Or he’s hanging out with Laces.”

“Who, or what, is Laces?” Ali asked.

Lexi remembered exactly who her brother was talking about and also remembered her younger brother saying that he was not interested in dating anyone at the moment.

“Laces is what Jake calls a girl that Sam met before we left.” Rachel explained.

Lexi butted in and added, “Yeah, but Sammy wasn’t interested in that girl.”

Jacob laughed to himself and replied, “You sure about that?”

...

_“Nice shoe laces.” Sam said when he recognized the woman he had seen at the camping store._

_She smiled wide and replied, “I see you’ve got yours all straightened out.”_

_Jacob knew right away that Mackenzie must be the ‘Mac’ that his brother had told him about. He also knew that Lexi wouldn’t approve. The entire situation amused him._

...

Lexi replied to her brother’s question, “Sam has more important things on his mind than some dumb girl.”

Lex was certain that Samuel’s quest for adventure and purpose was his highest priority. He didn’t have time to waste on a girl with untied shoes. Rachel shushed her husband’s laughter. She knew he was giving his sister a hard time by drawing out the process of telling her the truth.

“Lex, Mackenzie went on the trip with us. I invited her.” Rachel said, informing Lexi and everyone else of what Jacob was keeping to himself.

“Who’s Mackenzie?” Ali asked. She hadn’t heard the story of Mac from the camping store, and even if she did, she didn’t know they were the same person.

“Mackenzie is a really awesome person that I met at the hospital, and invited to come along with us on our trip. Her and Sam spent the entire time together.” Rachel explained.

Ali’s heart melted thinking of her little Samuel finding a girl that he cared about.

Lexi’s heart hardened. She was certain this ‘Mac’ girl was no good for her little brother.

...

_“Come here often?” Mackenzie jokingly asked. She sat on a rock near the larger rock Sam was seated on._

_Samuel forced a small laugh, but it was obvious that his heart wasn’t in it._

_The woman continued, “So, today was pretty heavy, huh?”_

_The team had visited some of the children that they were planning to help in the future. The sad reality was that a lot of the children wouldn’t make it to the day when they returned with medical and building supplies. Samuel and Jacob had spent the day digging a well. After Jake forced Sam to stop because of his bad leg, Samuel left to spend time with the kids. They all loved him, and he loved them in return._

_It was the first time in his life he realized that sometimes love isn’t enough._

_“Today was hard.” Sam answered. “Those kids don’t have a chance. It’s not fair.”_

_Mackenzie didn’t ask, and didn’t act like it was a big deal when she grabbed Sam’s hand and held it tight. “Most of them don’t have a chance, but some of them do. You may not ever see any of them again, but the ones that you spent time with will know that they mattered to someone. They will know that they were loved...even if just for one day.”_

...

“So, who is this girl anyway?” Lexi asked in an annoyed tone.

Rachel calmly replied to her sister-in-law, “She’s a woman who volunteers twice a week at the hospital. She spends time holding and reading to babies who’s mother’s are too sick to sit with them.”

Ali’s heart continued to melt.

Lexi just got more irritated, because it seemed to keep getting more difficult to hate Sam’s mystery girl.

“She sometimes tells me about the different projects she’s involved with. They always revolve around helping people. I knew she would be perfect for what Sam and I are trying to do.” Rachel explained.

...

_Rachel had set up a list of daily responsibilities for each member of the team during their short stay. Both Samuel and Mackenzie were in charge of getting water for the group every night. Every single night, the two of them took a long walk together to get the water that was needed. It was a somewhat long journey. Sam wondered why his sister-in-law would give him a duty that required him to be on his feet for so long. She knew he had a bad leg, but nonetheless he did his part to help the team._

_“Have you ever thought about how easy it would be to just disappear one day?” Mackenzie asked._

_Sam had no idea what the woman was talking about and it showed on his face._

_She further explained her thought, “Like, say you were to stay here forever. No one would know you. No one could really find you, if you didn’t want them to. Have you ever asked yourself if you could be happy not being known? Or not living the life that people expect you to live?” She sighed loudly and added, “Maybe I don’t make any sense to you. Forget I said anything.”_

_Sam couldn’t forget. What did she mean by asking yourself if you could be happy without being known? He already felt like he wasn’t meeting the expectations people had for him. Was that why he was feeling so unhappy?_

_“What do you mean?” Sam asked._

_Mackenzie could see that he was searching for something important. She stopped walking and kissed him._

...

“What’s so special about her? Why does no one else see that she’s not good enough for Sammy?” Lexi asked.

Ali had just grilled Rachel about the girl that seemed to have caught the eye of her son. Lexi was getting sick of hearing how great Mackenzie was. If Samuel really did want to start something with this girl, then she would have to go through Lexi first.

“Lex, I know you don’t approve, but Mackenzie is a great person.” Rachel replied.

“What’s so great about her?” Lexi asked under her breath. She wasn’t really asking a question. She had already made up her mind about the answer.

Rachel answered anyway, “She has held hundreds of babies for countless hours, and her babies have a better survival rate than anyone else who volunteers.”

“What does that mean?”

“Some doctors argue about whether it makes a difference or not to hold a child when they are sick. I believe it does make a difference. There are many people in our hospital that volunteer to sit and hold the babies. She is the only one who’s babies almost always get better.” Rachel shook her head in amazement and added, “I can’t explain it. But I think her sincerity in loving those babies is the reason she’s so effective with the newborns. Babies can’t understand much, but they know when someone is there with them. They know when someone cares.”

Jacob called his sister out, “You need to let Sam live his life. You can’t control everything.”

Ashlyn had been content to listen to her family discuss Sam’s love life, but she couldn’t let her son pick on her little princess. “Lex is just worried this girl will break his heart.”

“Aren’t you?” Lexi asked Ashlyn.

“A little.” Ash answered honestly. “But that doesn’t make her a bad person.”

“He’s so sensitive, Mama. I don’t know how much more he can handle right now.” Lexi replied. It was as if the room was empty and it was only her and Ashlyn there. She felt like she was pleading for her brother’s well-being.

Ash smiled at her worried daughter and replied, “We just need to trust him, princess.”

Lexi had run out of reasons to argue. As a lawyer that rarely happened. She knew on the surface she was being irrational, but deep down she felt that her brother was about to get his heart broken.

...

_Sam pulled away from the kiss and in a state of shock said, “You kissed me.”_

_“Yeah, sorry about that. I just sorta felt like I wanted to kiss you.” Mackenzie replied. She took Sam’s hand and started walking forward. She elaborated on what she was trying to say earlier. “Will you be ok with your life if your good deeds and success are never recognized? I had to come to a place in my own life where I was ok if I never received any glory for my actions. It’s all a facade, anyway.”_

_Sam had followed her logic up until she started talking about facades. “What do you mean by facade?”_

_“Think about it...We grow up thinking that we have to be something, or do something to really matter in this world. Like...make a lot of money...or get good grades and prove we’re better and smarter than those around us. But it’s all a facade. It’s just people trying to outdo one another because they aren’t comfortable just being themselves and living out the life that will make them happy.”_

_Mackenzie brought Sam’s hand to her lips, kissed it, and continued to explain, “Can you be happy just being yourself? Why do we need external validation? Or why do we need to fit into a box, or look like everyone else? I think we need to decide who we want to be and be happy with ourselves when we let ourselves be that. Flaws and all...they make us who we are and that means they’re beautiful.”_

_Samuel understood what she was saying. He could have told her that. He could also have told her that he had been thinking about what his life had amounted to lately. He was no longer able to do what he thought he was supposed to do. He wasn’t the smartest. He definitely wasn’t the most athletic anymore, because of his injury. He didn’t make a lot of money. He no longer measured up to the standard that most people use to surmise a person’s value._

_Sam could have told Mackenzie that everything she had just said had made him think things and feel things that he had been searching for._

_But instead he said, “You’re so weird.”_

_“Thank you.” Mackenzie replied, without a second thought._

_“I mean...You aren’t like anyone I have ever met.”_

_“I know what you meant.” She replied confidently._

_Sam didn’t know what to say. He felt like the moment slowed down as he made his decision about what to say, or do. Before the woman could say another word he pulled her into an embrace and kissed her._

_“You kissed me.” Mackenzie said._

_Both of them were breathless from the intensity of the moment. He answered with a mischievous smile on his face, “I felt like I wanted to kiss you.”_

_She smiled, remembering her own words to him just minutes ago. “Well, we’re gonna have to do that again.”_

...

Lexi had been quiet since Ashlyn reminded her of the need to trust Samuel. She really didn’t know what else to say. No one else seemed to agree with her anyway. Jacob and Rachel filled them in on some of the details about their trip. Abby, Jake and Rachel’s daughter, was starting to get restless. Jacob carried his daughter outside to the backyard where he and his siblings had spent so many years playing together.

The family watched through the sliding glass doors as Jacob chased the spirited girl around the yard.

“I don’t know how he has so much energy.” Rachel commented. The truth was that he didn’t have the energy. He was just as exhausted as his wife, but he pushed through it for his daughter. The wild girl had her daddy wrapped around her finger.

The adults were distracted by the scene and didn’t notice Sam’s arrival. He had a couple of shopping bags in his hands. Ashlyn had assumed correctly. He was in desperate need of certain necessities. He tried to sneak past them and drop the bags off in the room he was staying in, but his observant sister caught him trying to be a stealthy ninja.

“Where have you been?” Lexi asked with a raised voice.

Sam turned around slowly and answered, “I’ve been shopping.” He held the bags up as proof.

“You couldn’t have waited to do that?” She asked.

Sam was not in the mood to go back and forth with his sister’s questions, so he asked one of his own. “What is your problem?”

“I’m not the one with the problem. You just disappeared. Our family is trying to have a nice time together and you feel like you don’t need to show up.”

Sam looked around the room and asked, “Where’s Charlie?”

Lexi didn’t like that Samuel wasn’t answering her questions. She let him know. “Why do you care? You should have been here. You should have answered my calls when I called you yesterday.”

Everyone in the room, but Samuel, caught the hurt in Lexi’s voice. Sam only caught the accusations. “You seem fine with Charlie being gone. I’m here now. What’s the big deal?”

“Nothing!” Lexi replied. She stood up and announced, “I’m going home.”

Ashlyn waited for her daughter to get out the door before she got up to follow her. It was awkward and weird, but Sam didn’t care. He was emotionally and physically exhausted. His sister had treated him like he had done something wrong, instead of welcoming him home. In a lot of ways he wished he never would’ve come home. Lexi’s actions only made him feel more alone.

As Ash caught up with her daughter, the two of them watched Lexi’s fiancé pull into the driveway. Charlie knew right away that Lex was upset. She hurried to park and get to her.

“What’s wrong?” Charlie asked. She had gotten held up at work, but left as soon as she could to join Lexi and her family for dinner.

Lexi kept walking to her car and replied, “I’m going home.”

Charlie and Ashlyn shared a look. Since Ash knew what was going on she responded to her daughter’s outburst.

“Princess, you’re overreacting. Give your brother a chance to talk to you.”

That was all Charlie needed to hear. She already knew what was bothering Lex. “Babe, I told you to let him decompress. You’re putting too much pressure on him to open up. He needs some time.”

The two of them had discussed it the night before. Lexi had planned a long list of things for her and Sam to do together. When Sam didn’t reach out to her and return her calls, she felt that he didn’t care about her. She was hurt, and the fact that everyone was talking about how great the new girl in his life was didn’t help.

“I’m leaving. You can stay if you want, I really don’t care.” Lexi replied to Charlie.

As Lexi was opening her car door she felt something hit her shoulder. She turned around and saw her brother looking at her like she was the biggest overreacting diva in the world.

Sam picked up the item that he had thrown at her and showed her what it was. It was a package of underwear. “I wasn’t trying to avoid you, idiot.”

“It sure felt like it, dummy!” Lexi replied.

Charlie leaned in close to Ashlyn and whispered, “Aw, they’re so sweet to each other.”

Ash smiled and nodded toward the front door. The two of them snuck away to give the siblings privacy.

“I left all of my clothes in Africa. It didn’t feel right for me to take anything that I could give to someone else.” Sam explained. The tone of the conversation immediately changed.

Lexi’s heart had softened towards her brother almost completely by that point. “You gave away your underwear?”

“I didn’t really think about it. I just left my bag there and told them to take what they wanted.”

“Why didn’t you call me?” Lexi asked. That had been the question she had been dying to ask. She had looked forward to Sam’s return and he had treated her like she didn’t matter.

“Because I was mad at you.” Sam replied.

Lex felt indignant. “And why in the world would you be mad at me?”

“Because the first thing I hear from you after waking up from a life-changing trip is a message of you yelling at me.” Sam explained. “Are you kidding me, Lex?”

Lexi couldn’t argue. She had lost patience and left several messages on Sam’s phone that consisted of her scolding him.

“Sorry.” Lexi apologized shyly. “You’re right. I’m sorry, ok? I was just so excited to see you, and it hurt my feelings that you didn’t call me.”

“I didn’t call you because I was asleep.” Sam said with an embittered tone.

“I said I was sorry.” Lexi replied. Now all she wanted was for her brother to forgive her.

Samuel wasn’t really upset with Lex. He had much more on his mind that his sister’s neurotic behavior.

“Why are you leaving?” Sam asked, remembering his sister’s reaction to his arrival.

Lexi’s head hung low as she asked, “Honestly? Do you really want to know?”

Lex’s reply peaked Sam’s interest. He waited for his sister to come clean.

“I was jealous of your new girlfriend.”

Sam looked as if he had been hit in the stomach. He felt the breath leave his lungs.

Lexi noticed and asked, “What’s wrong.”

“I don’t have a girlfriend.” Sam answered.

Lexi shrugged and replied, “Well, whatever you guys are calling it.” Lexi sarcastically added, “I heard she’s amazing...”

“Lex...” Sam interrupted, “She’s not interested in being with me.”

That was the last thing Lexi expected to hear. “I thought you two hit it off.”

“We did, I guess. But on the last day of our trip I asked if she wanted to hang out after we got back, and she told me that she really likes me...but she wasn’t good at being tied down.”

Lexi was speechless. She had gotten what she wanted. She wanted Mackenzie to leave her brother alone, but seeing Sam’s face made her wish things had happened differently.

“I’m sorry, Sammy.” Lexi said, trying to comfort her little brother. She pulled him into a hug and wished their reunion could have been sooner, and under happier circumstances.

“You know what really sucks?” Sam said. “She said it was better that we not be in a relationship because it would end up with me getting hurt.” He cleared his throat and added, “But I already feel hurt. I really like her, Lex.”

"What’s so great about her? She’s obviously crazy if she doesn’t realize what she’s missing with you.”

“She’s not crazy. She’s amazing.”

Lexi rolled her eyes. Obviously her brother was too infatuated to see the truth. “Sam, she’s not amazing. She doesn’t want to be tied down. You don’t want to be with someone who has commitment issues. I mean, what kind of person wouldn’t want to be with an awesome guy like you?”

“Lex, there isn’t anything wrong with her. She’s perfect.”

“Oh, please.” Lexi said. She made no attempt to hide her sarcasm.

“Lex, I’m serious. You don’t know her. Kenzie is the most beautiful human I’ve ever met.”

Lexi rolled her eyes at the fact that Sam had already given the girl a nickname. She doubted that her brother was thinking rationally. There was no way this girl could live up to the hype, especially considering that she had already managed to break her little brother’s heart.


	252. You Can't Save Everyone (Part Three)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a FLASHFORWARD chapter.

Ali arrived a little late to work. 

Her family had spent a fun time together the previous night, and she had spent the previous two weeks watching her son’s children. Both her and Ashlyn were still adjusting to the normal, more calm, routine of life. Jake’s kids slept with them every night because they missed their parents so much. They loved the sweet cuddles, but the constant movement made it difficult for them to sleep normally. 

Ali also loved the fact that Samuel was staying with them until he figured out what was next for him, but that meant that her maternal instincts were in overdrive. She had no other intentions but to spoil her son. On this particular morning that meant that she made all of Sam’s favorite breakfast food, even though he wasn’t awake to eat it.

“Hey, our first appointment is here.” Annie said. She pointed to her and Ali’s shared office as they made their way to her. 

Ali was a little nervous. They were meeting with someone who could potentially approve them for a grant. They were doing the best that they could with their rescue shelter, but funds were running out. Ashlyn and Ali had already invested all that they could afford into it (and more), but the money was quickly running out as the place filled up. 

“Is she nice?” Ali asked. She did a quick check of her hair and makeup on the way to their office. 

Annie was just as nervous as Ali. Providing safety for domestic violence victims was something that was very close to her heart. 

“She seems really nice.” Annie replied. “She’s a little younger than I imagined. She’s about Joey’s age.” Annie added, referring to her son. “But she seems really sweet.”

...

“Good morning.” Ash said as she welcomed her daughter in. “What are you doing here?” Ashlyn thought about why her daughter would show up unannounced on a work day. After a quick moment she had figured it out. There could only be one reason. “Sam-Bam’s not up yet.”

“Oh, well...um...” Lexi tried to think of an excuse. She didn’t want to make it seem like she didn’t want to see her mother.

Ashlyn grabbed her lunch that her wife had made her from the fridge and kissed Lexi’s cheek. “It’s ok, princess. Feel free to hang out until he wakes up. Love you.”

“Love you, too.” Lexi replied as she watched Ash leave. She kinda felt bad that Ashlyn had easily figured out that she wasn’t there to see her.

Lexi didn’t want to wake Sam, but she was worried about him. She found his room and checked on him. He was sound asleep, facedown, with his butt sticking up in the air. Lexi giggled at her brother’s sleeping position. She was grateful that he had purchased new underwear the day before, or else she might have walked in on a full moon situation. 

Lexi searched the room for something to occupy her time while she waited. Samuel didn’t have much left. She was still amazed that he so easily gave up all of his stuff. Her brother was one of a kind. 

...

Ali and Annie greeted the woman and Ali introduced herself. They were standing in Annie and Ali’s makeshift office. They were running out of room and had converted a big closet space into a shared office.

Ali noticed the woman’s eyes kept shifting towards a picture on her desk. 

“That’s my son.” Ali said. She lifted the frame and added, “He just returned from Africa two days ago.” Ali smiled at her son’s face. She loved her boy so much she almost got lost in the moment. She felt she needed to apologize. “Sorry. I’m just so proud of him. He’s the light of me and my wife’s life.”

The woman smiled sincerely at Ali’s confession of love, but there was a hint of sadness in her eyes. Ali was oblivious, but Annie noticed. 

Annie spoke up, “How about a tour?”

“Sounds good.” The woman replied. Annie noticed that she stole one more glance at Samuel’s picture on the way out.

...

“So we are running out of space, as you can see.” Ali said. She had showed the overflow of people who had come seeking help from them. 

The woman nodded and said, “It looks like you are doing a lot of good here.”

Annie and Ali were encouraged by the comment. Ali asked, “So what do you think? Would your organization be interested in helping us?”

“I think we are definitely interested, but I may need to spend a little more time with you to make a decision. I’d love to observe for a day or two what it is you do here.” She answered.

“Of course.” Ali replied.

Annie asked, “If we qualify, do you have a ballpark amount that you think we could possibly get?”

Ali was a little embarrassed by the straightforwardness of the question, but she also really wanted to know the answer. 

“I really don’t know yet.” The woman replied. She didn’t want to make any promises and get Ali and Annie’s hopes up.

...

“Well, if it isn’t my beautiful wife.” Ash announced from her desk as Ali walked into her office. 

“Aww, you’re such a flatterer.” Ali replied with a smile. She bent down to kiss her wife and asked, “Are you just about ready?”

Ash gathered the loose papers on her desk and piled them up neatly. She put them in a folder and replied, “I’m starving. I’ve been waiting all day for you to get here.”

“Sure you have.” Ali replied. She appreciated the sentiment, even if it wasn’t completely sincere. “You look busy.” Ali said and gestured toward the papers Ash had just filed.

Ash shrugged and replied, “Yeah, a little bit. It’s hard to find good help these days.” 

“More employee issues?” Ali asked. 

Ash sighed and rubbed her eyes. She was frustrated, but she could manage. “It’s fine. I just need to keep looking for the right person to help manage.” Ash stood up and opened the door to a mini fridge she had behind her desk. She grabbed the brown paper bag that held her lunch and asked, “Picnic in the parking lot?”

Ali smiled and nodded. She loved being able to spend her lunch hour with Ashlyn. Sometimes they would go out to lunch, other times they stayed there. Either way, they made the most of the opportunity to be together.

Ashlyn and Ali made their way to Ashlyn’s Jeep. Ash opened the rear door and pushed the back seat down. Ash laid out a blanket and the two of them were able to stretch out in the cargo area of the vehicle. Ali leaned against Ash as they ate and talked. 

...

“Finally!” Lexi declared. Her little brother found her waiting for him on their parent’s couch.

Sam had put on a pair of sweatpants, but only because he was no longer a bachelor living alone. He plopped himself down next to his sister and closed his eyes. He leaned his head back and waited for the inevitable.

“Sammy, how can you sleep so much? We are hanging out today. Wake up!”

He knew his sister wouldn’t let him rest for long. Although, he had hoped she would give him a little longer than the few seconds she allowed before making him face his day.

“What are we doing?” Sam asked through a yawn. 

Lexi got excited just thinking about what was ahead for them. She bounced to her feet and smiled big. “We get to play with puppies!”

...

Ash helped Ali down from the back of her Jeep and the two held hands as they made their way back to work. Ali slowed down their pace when she saw someone who looked familiar standing outside of the rescue shelter.

“What is it?” Ash asked. She had walked Ali to work countless times and Ali seemed to be behaving differently than usual.

Ali whispered, “She looks familiar.”

The woman waiting next to the entrance was leaning against the front of the building. She was attractive without looking like she had even tried to be. Her hair was pulled back loosely. She wore jeans with holes in the knees and an old high school gym class T-shirt.

Ashlyn smiled as they approached. The woman blew bubbles with the bright pink bubble gum she was chewing.

As Ash and Ali got closer, the woman stuck out her hand for a shake. She only made the gesture to Ashlyn until she realized that Ali didn’t recognize her.

“People don’t take me seriously unless I wear business suits and carry a briefcase.” She explained. 

As soon as Ali saw the young woman smile she knew who she was speaking to. “Oh of course...” Ali said. She turned to her wife and said, “Ash, this is Ms. Hudson. She’s the woman I was telling you about. She’s the one that is trying to help us get a grant.” Ali turned to the woman and said, “This is my wife, Ashlyn. She’s the one who has kept the shelter afloat financially.”

Ash corrected her wife and added, “WE have helped financially. It’s your money too, babe.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Ali waved her hand in the air like it made no difference to her who got the credit. “Anyway...” Ali said, changing the subject. “Is there something I can help you with?”

The woman looked down at her loosely tied shoes and things started to get awkward. Ashlyn followed her line of sight and got a strange feeling in her gut. 

“I’m afraid I haven’t been completely honest with you.” The woman said. She nervously nudged a pebble on the sidewalk with her foot.

“Did we not qualify for the grant?” Ali asked. 

“Well, no...I mean...I don’t know how to tell you this.”

Ashlyn put her hand on Ali’s lower back as a signal that she wanted to say something. Ali met her wife’s eyes and nodded. 

Ashlyn asked, “What’s your first name?”

Ali furrowed her brow and wondered why her wife was asking a pointless question. She was desperate for financial help from this woman’s organization. Her first name could be anything and it wouldn’t matter. She needed to know what the woman had been hiding from her.

“Mackenzie.” The woman answered. 

Ashlyn’s suspicion seemed to be confirmed. Ash moved her arm from the small of Ali’s back to around her shoulders. All of a sudden she felt she needed to protect her wife. 

“What is it you want?” Ash asked. 

Ali didn’t understand yet what was going on. She felt her wife’s arm and heard the tone of her voice. Ali searched for answers from the woman in front of her. She put together what little information she knew...

Ashlyn was suddenly being very protective.

The woman said that she wasn’t being completely honest.

The woman’s name was Mackenzie.

Ali saw a keychain from the hospital Rachel worked at hanging on the woman’s keyring. She now knew what her wife knew.

“You’re Rachel’s friend.” Ali said. 

Mackenzie nodded and replied, “I like to think I’m Sam’s friend too.”

Ali’s eyes began to water. She assumed that the woman had lied about the grant money just to get information on Sam. Suddenly the hopeful future Ali had imagined for the women and children in the rescue shelter had disappeared. 

“Did you lie about the grant because of Sam and your relationship?” Ali asked.

The woman wanted to cry. “No, I would never do that.” 

“Then, why are you here?” Ash asked sternly. Ali was upset and her son was heartbroken. Ashlyn wasn’t interested in playing games.

The woman took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I promise I didn’t know who you were until I saw Sam’s picture on your desk.” She pleadingly looked into Ali’s sad eyes. “I don’t usually tell people about who I am, or give a lot of details about where the money comes from that I give.” 

Ashlyn didn’t like the sound of what the woman was describing.

“It sounds bad, right?” Mackenzie asked. “It’s not.” Ash didn’t look convinced. “Let me explain.” Mackenzie added. “My dad is very wealthy. I have inherited an obscene amount of money. I feel ashamed holding onto it, to be honest. So, I look for good causes to donate to. No one believes me when I tell them the truth. They think I’m crazy. I promise you, I had no idea who you were. I don’t usually give money to organizations associated with my friends because it can get messy. I usually don’t tell my friends who I am related to. Once I do people treat me differently and then I never know who my real friends are.”

Ashlyn seemed to soften toward the woman. Her explanation made sense. 

“So, I’m guessing Sam doesn’t know about this.” Ash said.

“He has no idea. I haven’t spoken to him since the airport.” Mackenzie answered.

Ali thought back about when Mackenzie had noticed Sam’s picture on her desk. She wasn’t oblivious anymore.

Samuel wasn’t the only one who was heartbroken.

Ali politely excused herself and Ashlyn to speak in private. She pulled her wife a few feet away and turned her back towards Mackenzie. 

“Ash, I want you to offer to take her to lunch.”

That was the last thing Ashlyn wanted to do. “Why?”

“Because I think it would be good for her.”

“Umm...No.”

Ali pouted and asked, “Baby, why not?”

Ashlyn looked at Ali like she was crazy. “Uh, how about because I don’t want to.”

“Baby, don’t be mean. She’s hurting.” Ali replied sympathetically.

Ashlyn didn’t care. “Alex, first of all, we just ate. And second, I don’t want to.”

Ash was lucky that her wife thought she was so cute. “Babe, I know that you’re still hungry. You’re on a diet. I also know that you sneak extra snacks every day after we have lunch together...So don’t tell me you’re not still hungry.”

“How do you know about my snacking habits?” Ash asked. She thought she had been stealthy about it.

“Baby, I can see into your little fridge in your office. You have it full of stuff that are banned from your diet.” Ali answered. She then added, “And I also know that this girl cares about Samuel. And it just so happens that our little boy cares about her. I think she needs to talk.”

“So why don’t you take her?” 

“Because I can’t leave Annie alone with all the stuff we have to do today.”

“Well, what about me? I have a lot to do too.” Ash asked.

Ali gave Ash the ‘wife look’ and ended the debate without another word. 

“Just remember to be nice.” Ali added. “I’m serious, Ashlyn. I know you think she hurt Samuel, but it looks to me that she was trying to protect him from getting hurt.”

“Well, it didn’t work.” Ash replied.

Ali rolled her eyes and said, “Baby, I’m serious I need you to behave.” Ali squeezed Ash’s arm and added, “And make sure you pay. I don’t want her thinking we’re trying to get close to her because of her money.”

“Whatever.” Ash replied in agreement. She took a few steps forward and asked Samuel’s potential love interest, “Can I take you to lunch?”

Mackenzie wasn’t naive. She knew Ashlyn didn’t want to go to lunch with her. “I wouldn’t want to be a bother.” She answered. She nervously added, “Besides, haven’t you already had lunch?”

Ashlyn looked at her wife with a smirk. If Ali wanted this to work out then she needed to be the one to make it happen.

Without missing a beat Ali answered, “She’s on a strict diet. I know she’s still starving.” Ali smiled at her wife and added, “You’d really be doing her a favor by going with her.”

Ash wanted to pull her wife aside and let her know that she didn’t think she was funny. This whole situation was uncomfortable and the last thing she wanted to do was take Mackenzie out to lunch. But Ash was a sucker for Ali. She would do just about anything for her.

“So, please accept my invitation.” Ash said. Ali nuzzled into her wife’s side and smiled proudly. She was happy that she had gotten her way, but even more proud of the fact that her wife was willing to give help to someone that she didn’t care for. 

Mackenzie accepted reluctantly. She was in the same boat as Ashlyn. She didn’t really want to go, but because Ash and Ali were Sam’s parents she wanted to be respectful and considerate of their wishes. 

“Have fun you two.” Ali said. She gave her wife a quick kiss and patted her butt as the two women walked away. 

Ali hoped that her plan wouldn’t backfire.

...

Lex handed Samuel a bulldog puppy. “Isn’t he the cutest little guy you’ve ever seen?” Lexi asked. She gave the pup kisses and wore a huge smile. 

Sam knew it was all for show. “Why are we here, Lex? Dog slobber grosses you out.”

Lexi’s face fell. She couldn’t hide the truth. “You know why, Sammy. You’re depressed. You love dogs. I think you should get a dog. He can keep you company when you’re lonely.”

“Lex, I don’t have my own place. I’m leaving after your wedding. I don’t know how long I’ll be gone. It doesn’t make sense for me to get a dog.”

“Mom and Mama won’t care. You can leave him with them.”

Sam handed the dog back to Lexi and replied, “You know I’m not going anywhere if I have a dog to take care of. I’m not going to fall for this, Lex.”

“I’m not trying to get you to stay. I mean, of course I want you to stay, but that’s not what this is about.” Lexi explained. 

The dog started crying and stretching towards Samuel. Animals always loved him. They would instinctively be drawn to him. 

Lexi gave the dog back to him and replied, “This is about you being sad. I don’t want you to be sad anymore.”

“Sorry...” Sam replied. “But I don’t think that’s going to change anytime soon.”

...

“So, I can’t believe you’re on a diet. You look like the fittest person in the world.” Mackenzie said after they had been seated by the hostess. 

Ashlyn picked an upscale bistro for lunch. If Ali was giving her a free pass on her diet, she was going to take advantage of it. Plus the sinful burger and fries she was about to order would help make up for the fact that she wasn’t too excited about her lunch date.

“Well, I do it for my family. I’ve had a few health problems in the past, and my family is convinced that if I don’t take care of myself I might die.” Ash answered. “My wife is especially good at worrying.”

“I guess it helps that you work at a fitness facility.” Mackenzie replied.

Ash looked up from her menu and said, “Yes, and no. It means I have no excuse not to make healthy decisions...and that means that I don’t get a lot of chances to eat things that taste good.”

“Maybe we should go somewhere else.” Mackenzie suggested. It suddenly mattered to her that Ashlyn stayed on her diet. If Ali and the kids’ worries were valid, they could have picked a much healthier option.

Ashlyn went back to perusing the menu and answered, “This place is good.” She might have considered the suggestion if it wasn’t coming from the girl who had just rejected her son.

Mackenzie dropped the subject. She was about to mention the elephant in the room when Ashlyn heard a familiar voice.

“Hey future Mama-in-law.” Charlie approached the women with a smile. She was always happy to see Ashlyn. At first Ash scared the heck out of her, but after she got to know her she found out that Ashlyn was the biggest softy of the family.

Ashlyn stood up and gave Charlie a hug. She introduced the women, knowing that Charlie would know right away who it was that she was meeting.

“Charlie, this is Mackenzie...Mackenzie, this is Charlie. Charlie is my daughter’s fiancé.”

“Mackenzie...” Charlie said with a big smile. She held her tongue from saying anything else, but she knew her fiancé would freak out when she heard that Ashlyn was having lunch with the woman Lexi had referred to as ‘the enemy.”

“What are you doing here?” Ash asked. 

Charlie answered, “I was gonna order carry-out. Since Lex is with Sam today I’m all by myself.”

Mackenzie smiled big and asked, “Can you stay? We would love to have you join us.”

Charlie shared a look with Ashlyn, who seemed relieved by the idea, and said, “Sure...this should be fun.”

“So, you’re engaged to Sam’s older sister. Right?” Mackenzie asked. She had heard a lot about Lexi in the two weeks that she had spent with Sam.

“That’s me.” Charlie answered with a smile.

Mackenzie folded her hands on the table and asked, “You’re an artist, right? I’d love to hear what inspires you. Tell me all about yourself.”

Ashlyn watched at how interested Mackenzie seemed to be in all the details that Charlie was sharing. She would ask thought provoking questions that revealed that she really did care about what was being talked about. It appeared that Mackenzie wasn’t simply being polite. She was fully engaged in the conversation.

The three women ordered their drinks and food. After the waiter brought their orders, Mackenzie got right to the point. She directed the conversation to Ashlyn, but she seemed to be open with the entire world, including Charlie, knowing the inner workings of her heart and mind.

“So, you are probably really mad at me.” Mackenzie said. 

Ashlyn almost choked on the bite of food that she was chewing. Charlie’s eyes grew big when she realized she had a front row seat to a drama filled conversation. 

“I’m not mad at you.” Ashlyn lied. 

Mackenzie turned to Charlie and said, “She’s mad at me.” She turned back to Ashlyn and continued, “You need to know that I care very much for your son. In fact, I can’t remember ever caring about someone like I do him. He’s all I think about, to be honest.” 

The girl realized she had started to ramble .She needed to stay on point if she was going to get through lunch.

She took a deep breath and said, “I know myself. In the past, I have had a really hard time with commitment. It’s like I feel so strongly for a person and then one day I wake up and we’re planning to go grocery shopping, or talking about bills, or some other mundane activity, and I feel trapped.”

Mackenzie grabbed Ashlyn’s hand and said, “I know I have already hurt Sam. But I also know that I am capable of hurting him so much more.”

Charlie took a sip of her water and asked, “But if you’ve never felt so strongly for someone as you do Sam, then why do you assume that you wouldn’t want to go grocery shopping, pay bills, or just live life with him? When it’s the right person, you won’t feel trapped. You’ll feel...” Charlie got stuck. She couldn’t think of the right word. 

Ashlyn finished her thought for her. “Free.”

“I don’t follow.” Mackenzie said. “How can a commitment to be tied down to a person forever make you feel free?”

Ashlyn shook her head. Was she really going to give relationship advice that might encourage Mackenzie, a girl who had openly admitted that she was capable of hurting her son, to follow her heart and pursue him?

Ash thought of her wife, and how loving her had changed the entire course of her life. She was loves biggest advocate. 

“It frees you, because with the right person it allows you to more freely be yourself.” Ash answered.

“I don’t think I have a problem with being myself.” Mackenzie replied. She was sincerely interested in the depth that this conversation had led to. “And Sam and I both agree that you should never look to another person to define you...or complete you.”

“It’s not about that.” Charlie said. “It’s hard to explain.” She looked up to Ashlyn for help, and once again Ash couldn’t believe that she was going to encourage in the direction of Mackenzie dating her son. 

Ashlyn wondered what other important things this woman had spoken about with her son. She wondered how much of Sam’s heart had already been given to her. Her tone was frustrated when she replied, “People can’t make you more, or less of yourself. But you can be influenced to change around them.” Ashlyn said. 

Ash felt her blood pressure rising. Her gut was telling her that she was practically pushing Mackenzie into Samuel's arms, and it made her feel like she might soon be partially responsible for hurting him. 

Every word she said was the truth. 

She technically didn’t do anything wrong, or take anyone’s side over her son. However, the potential for her son to get hurt was high, and she felt it was only getting higher with every word she spoke.

...

Ali had been impatiently waiting for her wife to get back so that she could find out how things went with Mackenzie. When Ashlyn’s assistant had called her and told her that she had finally gotten back to work, Ali hurried over to get the info she craved. 

Ali knocked softly on Ashlyn’s office door and didn’t wait for an invitation to let herself in. She found her wife staring quietly out the window. 

“Baby, how was lunch? What happened?”

Ashlyn didn’t answer. She was doing her best to zone out from the rest of the world.

“Ash?”

Ali took a few steps closer and asked again, “Ashlyn, what happened at lunch with Mackenzie?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Ash mumbled. 

Ali continued to approach her wife. “Baby, what happened?” She was starting to get worried. 

Ashlyn turned toward her and answered, “Alex, I said I don’t want to talk about it. I told you I didn’t want to take her to lunch. And now I’m telling you I don’t want to talk about it!”

Ashlyn was angry. She dodged her wife’s attempt at grabbing her arm to stop her from walking away from her. Ali followed her out. “Ash, I’m sorry. What’s wrong? I’m worried about you.”

Ashlyn turned suddenly and caused Ali to run into her. “Alex, I need some peace and quiet right now. Please, give me some space.” Ashlyn’s approach softened when she saw her wife’s alarmed face. “Look...” Ash sighed in frustration, “I’m sorry. I just have a lot on my mind.” 

Ali wanted to hear everything that was on her wife’s mind, but she had learned a long time ago not to push her until she was ready. “Baby, I’m not trying to stress you out, I’ll give you your space...” Ali said. She didn’t want to pressure Ashlyn, but she couldn’t help to ask just one more thing. “But please don’t stay away for too long.”

Over their many years of marriage Ali and Ash had learned how to handle stressful times together. Ali had learned not to push, and Ashlyn had learned to be willing to open up. 

Ashlyn replied, “Give me a few minutes.”

...

“I can’t believe we came home puppy-less. This is the saddest day of my life.” Lexi complained dramatically. Lex and Sam were in their parents driveway, sitting in Lexi’s car. They had just returned from cuddling cute puppies.

Sam rolled his eyes and replied, “I can’t believe you thought I was going to adopt a dog when I don’t know where I will be in a year. Do you really think I would be ok with abandoning it, or giving it away?” 

“No.” Lexi answered. “But maybe you wouldn’t need to leave if you had something to love that loves you back.” Lexi regretted her words the moment they slipped out...but they were honest.

Sam was speechless. He was both hurt and angry. “Whatever, Lex.” He muttered and left his sister alone in her car.

Lexi watched her little brother walk away. She felt like he was getting ready to walk away from her forever.

Her first instinct was to call her fiancé. After pouring out her heart about how worried she was, Charlie informed her of the unexpected lunch and conversation she had with the girl who broke Samuel’s heart.

...

The few minutes of alone time Ashlyn had asked for had turned into twenty minutes. Ali had given her wife space, but hadn’t ceased to worry about her. She knew that Ashlyn liked to walk outside when she needed to think, so she looked for her in the parking lot. She didn’t expect to see, and hear, their daughter yelling at her wife.

Ali hurried to the scene and noticed Ashlyn was breathing heavy. She didn’t look good at all.

Ali stepped in front of Ash and yelled at her daughter. “Stop screaming at her!”

Lexi was letting Ashlyn have it. She thought that her mother having lunch with Mackenzie was completely inappropriate. Charlie didn’t know the real reason why Ash had run into the girl. All Lexi had to go on was an assumption that Ashlyn sought her out and invited her to lunch. She assumed that her Mama was encouraging something that was harmful for Samuel.

Ash wasn’t able to defend herself. Mackenzie had told her and Ali that she didn’t like people knowing about her financial background, which was the very thing that led her to meeting them that day. 

On the other hand, Ashlyn was already feeling guilty about the fact that she was starting to like Mackenzie. She felt that she was in a difficult position. One that could end up with Samuel blaming her for the very things that Lexi was accusing her of. 

Her stress level, matched with her anxiety, was becoming too much to bear. 

...

After Lexi had left, Sam fell face first onto his bed. He thought the best plan of action was to try to sleep his way through the rest of the day. That way he wouldn’t need to think about anything that Lexi had said. He eventually fell asleep, but was soon woken up by the sound of his phone. 

“Hello.” Sam roughly answered. He was in a state of semi-sleep.

“Sam?”

A shot of adrenaline woke Samuel up immediately. He sat up straight and replied, “Kenzie?”

“Hey, I know you probably don’t want to hear from me right now, but...” The woman paused due to nerves. “I was wondering if we could meet somewhere.”

Sam’s brain told him to say no, but it was his heart that answered. “Yeah, ok.”

The two ended up meeting in the parking lot of the camping store where they had met. Samuel slowly approached as Mackenzie stood outside her car. She had been the first one to arrive. Sam was a few minutes late, causing her to worry that he would stand her up. 

“Hey.” Sam said awkwardly. 

Mackenzie had been leaning against her car as she waited, but when she saw Sam start to walk toward her she couldn’t stay still. She met him in the middle of the distance between their cars and swallowed him up in a hug.

Samuel didn’t push her away, but he was noticeably uncomfortable. Mackenzie stepped back and mumbled an apology. “I’m sorry.” She said. “I was just really happy to see you.”

One of the things that Sam loved about the woman standing in front of him was that she was always honest. She didn’t hold back when she was feeling something. He had experienced this a few times since meeting her, and those moments had been some of the best of his entire life.

“Sammy, please don’t be mad.” Mackenzie pleaded.

Sam put his hand up and replied, “I told you only Lex and my Mom are allowed to call me that.” The truth was that anyone in his family could get away with calling him that, but only Lexi and Ali still did. 

During their time in Africa he had covered his long list of nicknames for his family members. Mackenzie had asked if he had any nicknames of his own. When he explained that only a few call him Sammy, he never thought that he wouldn’t want to hear his name from her lips. ‘Sammy’ didn’t sound right coming from a woman who had rejected him. He simply couldn’t take it.

“Sorry.” She apologized. 

She felt like all she could do was apologize.

She was about to talk to him about feeling like maybe her feelings had changed about dating him. Mackenzie had planned to be completely honest and tell him that she was still confused, but that she really cared for him and had missed him like crazy. Unfortunately, she didn’t get a chance to say any of that.

Sam’s phone rang.

Samuel was thankful for the interruption. He gladly answered it. 

It was Lexi.

“What, Lex?” Sam answered with a lot of frustration in his voice. Some of it was from Lexi and some from the woman standing in front of him.

“Sammy...” Lexi said tearfully. At first Sam thought that maybe she was upset because of the way they had ended things earlier, but that suspicion didn’t last long.

“Mama is having a heart attack.”


	253. You Can't Save Everyone (Part Four)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a FLASHFORWARD chapter.

Samuel searched the halls of the hospital for his family. He turned a corner and found the majority of them standing outside of a room that he assumed his mother was in.

“How is she?” Sam asked Lexi. She was holding tightly to Charlie. When she saw her brother she moved from her fiancé’s arms to Sam’s.

Lexi replied in tears, “I don’t know. Rachel kicked everyone out.”

Lexi’s answer worried Samuel. He knew that it usually wasn’t a big deal for a few family members to be in the room unless something was seriously wrong.

“I’m going in.” Sam announced. He didn’t care about breaking his sister-in-law’s rules. Samuel needed to be with his Mama.

He guided his sister back to Charlie and quietly made his entrance. He saw both of his parents speaking calmly. Ashlyn was hooked up to a heart monitor, but other than that she looked fine.

“What happened? Lex said you had a heart attack and that no one’s allowed in the room with you.”

“Rachel only said that because your Mama needs peace and quiet.” Ali answered.

Ash cracked a small smile and patted the side of her bed. She was inviting her son to join them. Sam sat down and calmly asked, “Let me guess, Lex and Jamie were freaking out.”

“Basically, everybody was stressing out, but your big brother.” Ali answered. She had been holding Ashlyn’s hand since Ashlyn said she was having trouble breathing and felt like her heart was going to explode in the parking lot earlier that day. Ali brought Ashlyn’s hand to her lips and kissed it. She had done this many times since the whole ordeal had started.

It had happened while Lexi was arguing with her parents about Mackenzie. When Lexi called Sam she thought their mother was going to die. Thankfully, her assumption was more about her dramatic imagination than actual facts based on reality.

It only took a few minutes for Ashlyn’s blood pressure to return to normal once the ER doctor started checking her out. As soon as the family arrived, Rachel and Ali noticed that her pressure went back up. That was when Rachel sentenced everyone to the hallway.

Sam put an arm around Ashlyn’s shoulders and asked, “So, you’re feeling ok?”

Ash nodded and answered calmly, “Yes. I had a very stressful day. That’s why this happened. I’m ok now, though.”

Samuel knew his mother downplayed things. He brought his eyes to meet Ali’s and asked, “Rachel said she’s ok?”

Ali used her free hand to reach out and hold on to her sweet son’s hand. “She’s ok. It was just a scare. You know how Lexi is. She always fears the worst. I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

“She is out of control right now.” Sam mumbled. He remembered where he was and that his Mama needed things to be peaceful. He decided not to mention his sister’s other crazy actions lately. He pulled Ashlyn closer to his side and said, “I was really worried about you.”

“Sorry, Sam-Bam.” Ash replied. She hated what her health issues had put her family through.

All the years of struggling with anxiety and pushing herself to the limit in stressful situations seemed to finally be catching up with her. She had turned over a new leaf after a previous scare and her family’s pleas for change. Ashlyn was beginning to wonder if it was too late to make a difference and turn things around.

...

Charlie had fallen asleep. She was still holding Lexi, but now they were sitting on the floor, leaning against a wall. Her legs were stretched out and Lexi took a seat in between them. Lex had been leaning back against Charlie’s front with her head on her shoulder.

Both of the twins had left to get some food for the family, and Jacob took his kids for an adventure walk to help get out some of their wiggles. He had spoken to his wife, and was confident in his mother’s condition. He knew there was no need to worry at the moment.

Lexi thought it was unfair that Sam wasn’t kicked out when he had gone into their Mama’s room. It was now just her and her fiancé waiting outside the door, and she was the only conscious one.

She was developing a plan in her head of how to convince her parents that it was ok for her to join them when she saw her.

Rachel walked towards Lex with another woman by her side. Lexi knew immediately who it was. Not only did she recognize her from pictures her family had shown her from their Africa trip, but Mackenzie was also wearing one of Sam’s shirts.

“Lex, this is Mackenzie.” Rachel said, sensing that things might get a little tense. “She drove Sam here. Wasn’t that nice of her?” Rachel asked, trying to help her sister-in-law gain a little perspective.

Lexi nudged Charlie awake and stood up to shake the girl’s hand. “I’m, Lexi.”

Mackenzie shook the offered hand and replied, “I know. Sam has told me all about you. He’s shown me lots of pictures. I think you’re so pretty.”

Charlie was a little out of it, but she knew Lexi would overanalyze Mackenzie’s compliment. The truth was, Mackenzie was just being Mackenzie. If she noticed something good about someone she always tried to tell them.

Lexi didn’t know what to say. She was trying to figure the girl out and forgot the basic rules of social interaction. Charlie loudly cleared her throat and poked her fiancé in the side to get her attention.

Lexi jumped a little and quietly asked Charlie, “What?”

“Baby, did you hear what Mackenzie said?” Charlie asked. Her intentions were clear to Lexi.

Lexi straightened up and said, “Yes.” She gave her attention to the woman who she had recently referred to as ‘the enemy’ and said, “Thank you.” Her eyes drifted down to her little brother's shirt that seemed oversized and out of place on the woman. She forced a smile and finally said, “Nice to meet you.”

Lexi tried to push out the drama with her brother and his new love interest. She had to talk to Rachel about something much more important.

“Sammy has been in there for a long time. I think I should be able to go in too. I’m so worried.”

Rachel smiled when she heard that Samuel had been sitting with Ash and Ali. “Oh, that’s good. He will brighten the room so much.”

“But I thought we weren’t allowed in there.” Lexi argued. She was a very smart girl. She had picked up on what her sister-in-law might be implying.

Rachel couldn’t keep the truth from her any longer. She had tried to be polite about the whole thing, but honesty was the only thing that would really help change what was wrong.

“Lexi, you’re Mama has had a lot of stress lately. She needs people by her side who will be a calming, joyful presence.” Rachel explained.

Charlie put an arm around Lexi’s shoulders, anticipating what was coming.

“So, I’m not fit to see my mother when she’s sick?” Lexi asked, challenging the doctor.

“Should I leave?” Mackenzie asked. Things were starting to get awkward and she assumed that since Lexi already seemed to dislike her, it probably wasn’t comfortable for her either.

Rachel loved Mackenzie. She replied immediately and grabbed her arm to make sure she couldn’t leave. “No, it’s fine. Stay.”

“Lexi, you need to control your emotions. Can you do that right now?” Rachel asked.

Rach was practically challenging her. She knew that with Mackenzie there, it would be even more difficult for Lexi, but she didn’t care. Rachel was a very rational thinker. She could be emotional at times also, but she tried to be thoughtful during those times. She felt that her sister-in-law needed to learn to do the same.

“My mother is very sick. How dare you ask me to control my emotions?!” Lexi snapped back. Lexi’s voice shook with both anger and fear.

Mackenzie felt horrible for Lexi. She stepped forward and invaded Lexi’s personal space and wrapped her up in a hug. “You poor thing.” She said. “I’m sure your mom is gonna be fine.”

Charlie thought her fiancé might explode. She was waiting for it to happen, but instead Lexi returned the woman’s hug and said, “I hope so. I’m so scared.”

Charlie and Rachel shared a look of surprise. Rach put her hand on Lexi’s shoulder, that was now shaking from sobbing, and said, “She is going to be fine, Lex. Her heart is fine. It’s her blood pressure and anxiety that caused what happened today. That’s why it’s important that she relax and stay calm.”

Rachel loved Lexi, she wasn’t trying to be hard on her. She was simply being honest and trying to help the family.

“I bet she can handle it.” Mackenzie encouraged. She had somehow become Lexi’s biggest ally.

Charlie chimed in, “I know she can.”

Lexi let go of Mackenzie and used both arms to hold Charlie around her waist. She needed an anchor. She calmed herself down and said, “I can handle it.”

“Well, alright.” Rachel replied.

The doctor held out her hand and waited for Lexi to take it. She led Lexi in to see her mother.

Charlie followed.

Mackenzie watched from the doorway.

Lex thought she might get in trouble. Maybe her parents didn’t want her in there. Samuel stood up and let his sister take his place on the bed next to Ashlyn. Lexi didn’t say a word at first. She realized that she was the one who needed help.

Ashlyn didn’t miss a beat when Lexi slouched down enough to lay her head on her Mama’s shoulder. Ash gladly held her protectively. The two of them knew what it felt like to be swallowed up by anxiety. Ashlyn, as always, was more concerned with her daughter’s well-being than her own.

It took a few quiet minutes before Lexi broke the silence. She lifted her head and said, “I’m sorry, Mama. I didn’t mean to make you sick.”

Ash smiled at her little princess and kissed her forehead. She felt as if she was holding her little girl like she did in the good old days....back when a hug and an ice cream cone fixed everything.

“You didn’t make me sick, princess. It was just a really hard day.”

No one had noticed because of Lexi and Ashlyn’s sweet exchange, that Sam had left the room. He saw Mackenzie standing in the doorway and didn’t feel right about not acknowledging her.

“Hey, Kenze.” Sam greeted.

He walked a few feet away from the door to give them some privacy. Samuel unintentionally let his eyes look the woman up and down. He thought Mackenzie always looked beautiful, but seeing her in his old shirt made him feel more attracted to her.

If that was even possible.

Sam swallowed hard and shook his head to try and clear it. “So, you need me to take you home? Or to your car?” Sam asked.

...

_When Lexi called informing Sam that their mother was on her way to the hospital, Mackenzie insisted on driving him. Samuel refused and told her he was fine. He was still angry with her and stubbornly spurned her help. She wouldn’t take no for an answer when it came to going with him. She knew she couldn’t force him to get into her car, so she hurried to grab her phone and coffee from her car. Before Sam could drive off, the woman had already let herself into his front seat._

_Sam argued with her all the way to the hospital, telling her that he didn’t need her and she didn’t need to treat him like a charity case. It took Sam gesturing with his hands and accidentally knocking her coffee cup, for him to take a breath and realize that the woman of his dreams was sitting beside him. He had spilled her coffee all over the front of her shirt and all she seemed to care about was that he was ok._

_“I’m sorry.” He said nervously. He opened up his glove box and pulled out a stack of napkins. He clumsily patted her chest with the napkins, trying to clean up his mess. It dawned on him what he had just done. He froze._

_“I’m so sorry. I wasn’t trying to...I mean, I would never...I just...” Sam stuttered._

_Mackenzie smiled and took the wad of napkins from him. “It’s ok, Sam. I promise, it’s ok.”_

_Sam pulled up to the ER entrance and handed the woman his keys. “I have some clothes back here.” He said and showed her his gym bag. “If you want to change. Or you can leave and we can figure out how to get my truck later.”_

_“I’ll find a parking space and then change.” Mackenzie answered. She kissed his cheek and added, “I’m not going anywhere.”_

_Samuel was too worried about his mother to think of the right response. He simply replied, “Ok” and then left the truck with Mackenzie in it. For some reason he was feeling light headed and confused._

...

“You don’t need to take me home, Sam.” Mackenzie answered. “I don’t want to take you away from your family. This is important.”

“Well...” Sam said, dragging out the word as he figured out how he wanted to proceed with the woman in front of him. “I guess my Mama is ok. Lex was just being super dramatic...like usual. I don’t mind leaving for a little bit to take you.”

Mackenzie agreed. The ride to her car was mostly quiet. The girl who usually said exactly what was on her mind, had finally found her filter. She felt that she had a lot to lose if she didn’t share her heart just right.

Both of them didn’t know what to say. When Sam pulled up next to her car, they both dreaded having to leave each other.

“Thanks for sticking around.” Sam said. “I know it wasn’t very fun for you.” Samuel had practically ignored her once he had arrived at the hospital.

“I’m just happy I could help...even if only a little.”

The inevitable was hanging in the air. They had to separate eventually. Sam turned the key and shut off his truck’s engine. He didn’t want Mackenzie to leave yet.

“Sam, I need to tell you something.”

Samuel nodded quietly, encouraging her to share what was on her mind.

“It’s hard to say because I don’t want to hurt you.”

Sam took that to mean that her feelings for him hadn’t changed. He was confused by the day and the way that Mackenzie had acted, but maybe she was simply being a good friend.

“I gotcha.” Sam said sadly, assuming the worst.

“Sammy...” Mackenzie said softly. For some reason this time Samuel felt that his nickname didn’t sound wrong coming from her now. “I think I’m falling in love with you.”

Samuel was not expecting to hear that. He lost the ability to breathe while he waited for her to continue.

“I feel like if there was anyone in the whole world that I could love for the rest of my life, it’s you. But I worry that I will hurt you, and I would die if I ever hurt you.” Tears started to gather as she continued, “I’m so confused. I decided a long time ago that I didn’t need anyone and that I would be happier being alone. But now that I’ve met you, I feel that I found a completely new level of happiness that I never knew existed.”

Sam wiped a few fallen tears from her cheeks as she continued, “I think about you all the time. I wonder if you’re ok...or what you’re thinking. If you’re sad, or happy....Because all I want is for you to be happy...”

Sam’s lips were starting to curl up into a smile. He was liking everything she was saying so far.

But that ended when he heard, “But is that enough? What if even in all of my efforts I still end up hurting you?” Mackenzie’s eyes dropped to her hands in her lap. She started to sob as she said, “I could never live with myself.”

...

“We’re going to keep her overnight.” Ashlyn’s doctor announced. The man held her electronic chart in his hands and let Rachel look through Ashlyn’s test results.

“I thought she was ok.” Lexi replied. She was worried that her parents had downplayed the situation.

The doctor nodded and answered, “Everything looks good, but we want to observe her tonight to make sure we didn’t miss anything.”

Lexi spent ten minutes going back and forth with the doctor wanting to make sure her mother really was going to be ok. Rachel and Ali both tried to get her to relax. It wasn’t until Charlie stepped in that Lexi calmed down.

The artist calmly put her arm around her fiancé and said, “Babe, it sounds like they are going above and beyond to make sure she’s fine. I think it’s time for us to start looking at the positive and start being thankful for the blessings that are right in front of us.”

Lexi acted as if this wasn’t the first time she had had this type of conversation with her fiancé. She took a deep breath and her countenance brightened almost immediately. Ashlyn and Ali looked on in amazement. They had never seen anything like that happen to their anxious daughter before. It seemed that Charlie had an almost immediate calming influence on her.

It only confirmed to Ali and Ash that their daughter was in good hands.

After everyone else had gone home, Ali was the last to be with Ashlyn. Leaving Ashlyn’s side had never been an option for her.

“I know that this ended up only being a scare, but I think I owe you an apology.” Ali said.

She had been thinking about it all day, but didn’t want to mention it until she knew for sure that Ash was no longer stressed out. She felt she needed to wait until all of their children were gone.

Ashlyn disagreed immediately with her wife. “You do not owe me an apology, or anything else.”

“Baby, I pushed you to have lunch with Mackenzie, even though I knew that you were stressed out at work. If I wouldn’t have asked you to do that, then Lexi never would have gotten upset.”

“Alex, when did you become responsible for our adult daughter’s actions?” Ash asked. She pulled her wife down next to her and said, “Not to mention the fact that I was struggling with my own issues. All you have been today is my rock.”

“Really?” Ali asked. She had been blaming herself ever since she saw her wife and daughter arguing in the parking lot.

“Really.” Ash said with a thoughtful smile. “Hey...” Ash said. She pulled Ali into her side and said, “I never told you about how lunch went.”

“I know. I was dying to find out, but I didn’t want to stress you out.”

Ashlyn closed her eyes and sighed. She placed a kiss on her wife’s head and replied, “She’s a good girl.”

“Do you think she’s good for our boy?” Ali asked. She knew that it would be a huge deal for Ashlyn to approve of the woman she had had lunch with.

“I think she’s perfect for him...” Ash answered. Ali started to smile until she realized Ash had more to say. “But only if they both can figure their own stuff out first.”

Their conversation came to a halt when their son walked through the door. Samuel had dropped Mackenzie off and had no other intention but to sit by his mother’s side until she was able to go home.

...

The next morning Ashlyn was released from the hospital. Besides being instructed to cut down on the stress in her life, she was given a clean bill of health.

Sam didn’t follow his parents home.

He had an important breakfast date to get to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unless I get long winded there will probably be only one more chapter in this storyline.


	254. You Can't Save Everyone (Part Five)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a FLASHFORWARD chapter.

“Baby, don’t argue. Get to bed.” Ali instructed. They hadn’t been home for five minutes from the hospital before Ashlyn had tried to find something to do. 

Ali patted her wife’s butt and stood her ground. Ashlyn wanted to check on things at work. Ali had told her she needed to take it easy. She confiscated her phone and hid every electronic device they had to keep her wife off the internet. 

As Ash slowly made her way up the stairs to their room, Ali added, “It’s doctor’s orders. You need to cut out the stress in your life.”

“Alex, keeping me from checking on things at work is increasing the stress in my life.” Ash reasoned. “You’re not helping me relax.”

“Ash, you can’t change every circumstance to be less stressful. You can only change your mindset about stress.” Ali replied. She fluffed her wife’s pillows and said, “Life will always be stressful, but that doesn’t mean you have to let it stress you out. Some things just aren’t important when it comes to your health.”

Ashlyn knew what Ali was getting at. She wanted her to realize that whatever was happening at work wasn’t as important as her getting healthy. But changing the way you think was easier said than done. 

“Oooh.” Ali said, as if she just got a brilliant idea. “We should start doing yoga.”

“Babe, my back doesn’t bend like it used to. I don’t think that will help with the stress factor.”

Ali took a seat next to her wife and replied, “I know this won’t be easy for you, but I need you to really try.”

“Al, I promised you a long time ago that I would do anything for you. So, of course I will try. But if I could change the way my brain works, I would’ve done it a long time ago.”

“I know, baby. I know there’s not an easy answer, but we are running out of options.” 

...

Sam looked at his phone. The woman he was there to meet was late. He played with the paper wrapper from the straw the waitress had given him for his water. He blew air into it to make it look like it wasn’t empty and then fashioned a glue out of water and sugar to seal off the end. It took him several tries before he was successful in the sugar/water ratio, but he was successful in his efforts.

He had a few minutes to spare before he saw his breakfast date had arrived.

“You’re late.” Sam stated. He stood up and waited for the woman to sit down. 

“Don’t even start with me.” Lexi replied. She looked at her watch and asked, “Since when are you on time to things anyway?”

“I haven’t slept yet.” Sam answered. “It’s a lot easier to be on time when you don’t go to sleep.”

He had stayed up all night thinking about his life and all the issues he had to work through. He had sent his sister a late night text asking if she was available for breakfast. Lexi knew what was coming. 

They were due for a serious conversation.

Sam smirked and asked, “Why are you late?” It felt good to be the prompt one for once.

“My gorgeous, yet unorganized, fiancé lost her art bag. And according to her, her whole life is in that bag.” Lexi explained. “This morning our whole world stopped until we found it.”

“Where’d you find it?”

Lexi smiled thinking about how frustrated she was, and how anxious her usually calm fiancé was, before they had found it in Charlie’s office at work.

“She forgot to bring it home yesterday.” Lexi answered. “I kind of freaked her out with everything with Mama and she hurried to the hospital. I should’ve known.”

“What’s in that bag, anyway?” Sam asked. The idea of needing an inanimate object so desperately did not compute with him. 

“Mostly just her sketch books. She has hundreds of pictures and ideas for future projects. She always has it with her just in case she gets inspired and needs to write or draw.”

“That’s kinda awesome.”

“Yeah, it is.” Lexi replied. She pulled out an envelope that had a wrinkled napkin inside from her purse. When she showed Sam the picture she said, “She drew this for me on one of our first dates.”

It was a simple, but beautiful sketch of Lexi’s eyes. Lexi reminisced as her brother looked over the drawing. 

“She is always drawing me.” Lexi said thoughtfully. “She sees the smallest detail and centers the picture around that.” Lex pointed at the very small reflection that Charlie had included in the drawn eyes and said, “That’s her...smiling.” 

It was so small, you wouldn’t notice it unless it was pointed out. Charlie told her that she had never seen herself look happier than when she was staring into her blue eyes.

When Lexi shared the details of Charlie’s infatuation, Sam slid the napkin across the table and said, “Gross.” He wasn’t interested in hearing the mushy details of his sister’s love life.

“YOU’RE gross.” Lexi replied as if the two of them were still small children arguing in their treehouse about Sam’s bug collection. 

Lexi carefully folded up the napkin and returned it to the envelope she had been using to keep it safe. She knew Samuel had asked her to meet him for a reason. As fun as it was for them to tease each other, she knew they needed to get serious.

“So...what’s the real reason we’re here? I know it’s not because you missed me and wanted to hang out.” Lexi said.

Samuel laughed and put a finger up to signal that he would say in a minute. The waitress was on her way over to the table to get their order. Lexi ordered some fruit and yogurt. Sam ordered pancakes, eggs, and a double portion of bacon.

“You and your bacon.” Lexi teased. Her brother always had an unhealthy love for bacon.

“I love bacon.” Sam replied. “Our parents taught us to be true to ourselves. And I love bacon. So...”

“Just because you love something doesn’t make it healthy for you.” Lexi replied. She was totally only talking about the salty breakfast food, but Sam took offense to what he thought she might be implying.

“Lex, you’re not my mother. You need to back off.”

Lexi flinched a little and remembered what her fiancé and practically everyone else had been telling her lately. She needed to do a better job of controlling her emotions... especially if she hoped to have a productive conversation with her brother.

“Ok, first of all, I didn’t mean it in any other way than talking about bacon. Your diet is horrible, and I don’t think it’s a big surprise that I don’t approve.”

“But...” Sam said, assuming there was more to what his sister wanted to say.

“Buuuut...” Lexi continued, “You obviously asked me here to talk about something. I’m assuming it has to do with why you got so offended about the bacon comment. So...” She hesitated for just a moment before asking, “Why are we here?”

“We’re here for the same reason that I couldn’t get any sleep last night.” Sam answered. “You’re out of control.”

Lexi wasn’t surprised by Samuel’s comment, although she was hurt by it. She knew he was telling the truth, but she hoped he would have been a little more understanding about it. She hoped he would’ve been more tactful. But of course, subtly was never Sam’s strength.

“Sammy, I am just worried about you. I don’t want you to get hurt.” 

“Lex, it’s not only about me and Kenzie...”

Lexi involuntarily rolled her eyes at the mention of Mackenzie’s name. 

“Stop!” Sam said a little louder than he would have liked. He slammed his hand against the table and lowered his voice, although his tone remained the same. He was fed up. “You need to stop. She’s a good person. Whether you approve or not, I don’t care. You can either accept that I have a life of my own, or you can get out of it!”

Lexi had never heard her brother speak to her like that. She knew she owed him an apology, but it took everything she had to be able to keep from crying.

Samuel wasn’t cold hearted. He noticed his sister’s eyes starting to tear up, but he couldn’t stop now. Nothing would get fixed if he didn’t speak up. 

“Your behavior lately has been too much. I know that you’re worried about me and it’s coming from what you think is a good place, but you can’t scream at our mother. You can’t hate someone you don’t know just because you’re worried about me.” 

Lexi put her head down and mumbled, “I don’t hate her.”

“Yes, you do.” Sam replied. “And she hasn’t done anything to deserve your anger. If I were you I would ask myself what kind of a person I want to be. Because you’re turning into someone that I don’t recognize.” Samuel was worn out and fed up. “And there is never a reason for you to scream at Ma. She might have forgiven you easily for that, but I won’t.”

Lexi sniffled a few times and asked, “Can I say something?”

Sam nodded and took a sip of his water. He welcomed a chance for him to calm down a little. Everything he had said was true and necessary, but he could never be happy about making Lexi cry.

“I’m so scared.”

Sam almost didn’t believe that what his sister was saying was the truth. It felt like it was out of nowhere, but the shake in her voice and the tears in her eyes confirmed her statement.

Sam softened immediately. “Why are you scared?”

“I’m scared about everything.” Lexi answered. “What if I let Charlie down?” Lexi asked. She had been stressed about planning their wedding and the fact that she had been ‘out of control’ as Sam put it, made her wonder if Charlie might one day regret marrying her. “What if Mackenzie breaks your heart? You’ve already been through so much. And now I am with Charlie and I won’t always be able to take care of you. But now I’m afraid I might lose you.” She wiped at her runny nose and added, “And what if Mama dies?” 

Sam stood from his seat and knelt down next to her. He held her tight in an embrace as she finished her thought, “I made her sick.”

Just as Sam was about to say something, the waitress came with their food and awkwardly interrupted them. Samuel stood up and found his seat again. He pretended as if everything was fine until the waitress left. 

“Lex...” Sam said and reached across the table for his sister’s hand. “You don’t have to fix everyone. You don’t have to worry about all of us.” Samuel tugged on his sister’s hand to make her look up and make eye contact with him before he said, “But you do need to take care of yourself. One of these days I’m gonna get a call saying that you’re the one having a heart attack, and it will be true. You can’t live like this.”

“I know.” Lexi replied. She reached for her straw and her fingers pushed out the air from the wrapper that Sam had carefully prepared before she arrived.

Samuel burst out in laughter. His sister had fallen for his highly intelligent set up. Lex was always his favorite person to prank.

In typical Sam fashion, he managed to lighten a serious moment with his humor.

And in typical Lexi fashion, she managed to roll her eyes and mumble insults at her little brother’s immaturity.

...

Ali had fallen asleep leaning against her wife. The couple had slept a little the night before, but the narrow hospital bed made it difficult for them to get comfortable. Ali tried to give Ash space. She offered to sleep in a chair, but Ashlyn said she would rather be uncomfortable with Ali by her side than sleep alone. 

Ali thought Ash’s reason was too sweet to argue with.

It was Ashlyn’s movement that woke her up. 

“Baby, you need to relax.” Ali instructed through a yawn. 

Ash kissed her on the head and replied, “I think you’re the one who needs to rest. I’m just gonna go get the door.”

“Huh?” Ali grunted. 

The picture got clearer when she heard the doorbell ring. Ashlyn had heard it once before and that was what made her start to move. She didn’t want to wake her wife, but she thought that if she didn’t answer the door the visitor might continue to ring the bell and wake Ali up anyway.

“I’ll be right back.” Ash replied. She carefully adjusted her wife’s position and laid her down gently. 

Ash hurried to the front door. She was surprised to see who was standing on the other side of it. 

“Hi. I hope you don’t mind.” Mackenzie greeted. “Rachel told me where you live.”

“Umm...” Ash replied. She could only assume the woman was there to see her son. “Sam isn’t here.”

“Oh.” Mackenzie replied. She nervously looked at the thermos that she held in her hands and said, “Actually, I came to see you.”

“Really?” Ash asked, making no effort to hide her surprise.

Mackenzie gestured toward the inside of the house and asked, “May I?”

“Sure, come in.” Ash answered. She turned sideways and held her arm out for the woman to walk past her.

Mackenzie headed straight for the kitchen. She acted as if she had been there a hundred times. “Where are your coffee mugs?” She asked. 

Ash opened the cupboard door over the coffee maker and pulled down one of the cups. 

“You brought me coffee?” Ash asked. 

The woman opened the thermos and answered, “No. Tea.” She poured a cup and held it out to Ash. “Smell it first. The aroma is supposed to relax you.”

Ash did as she was told and her facial expression must have been completely transparent, because Mackenzie read her mind.

“It’s weird, right? Everyone says I’m weird. But I know this tea recipe that can naturally help reduce stress and promote the production of endorphins.” Mackenzie explained. “And as you know, endorphins make you feel good.”

Mackenzie was wearing a backpack. Once Ashlyn had started to drink the tea she began to unpack the items that she had brought with her. She showed Ash a paper that she had written on. 

“This is the recipe.” She said. She organized all of the ingredients on the counter and placed them next to Ali and Ashlyn’s coffee supply. “You need to have a cup every morning and then another one whenever you start to feel stressed out.”

Mackenzie added with a great measure of compassion, “I know it’s a lot to ask, but you should probably cut down on your coffee consumption too.”

Ashlyn was stunned by the woman’s presence and the fact that she was standing in front of her and giving her tea. She didn’t know what to say besides, “Who are you?”

“I’m Mackenzie.” She answered. 

“No, I mean...I know that. But who...” Ashlyn was speechless. 

Ali chimed in and finished her sentence. She had observed the scene unnoticed. 

“I think my wife is wondering why you are being so thoughtful. It’s refreshing, but unexpected.”

“Yeah.” Ash added, confirming that her wife had read her response correctly.

Mackenzie didn’t know how else to respond, but with the truth. “I was at the hospital with Sam. He said you were doing much better, but that you needed to cut down on stress. This is something I know that has helped my dad when he gets stressed out.”

Ashlyn and Ali shared a look. Samuel’s friend was definitely different.

“We didn’t see you at the hospital.” Ali said. “Did Sammy call you?”

“No. Uh, actually, we were together when he got the message that you were on your way to the hospital. I didn’t feel right about letting him go alone.” Mackenzie explained.

“But we didn’t see you.” Ash said, repeating her wife’s observation. “Where were you? Sam was in my room almost all day and night.”

“Well, I kinda just hung out until I knew everything was ok.”

“Seriously though...” Ash replied and then asked animately, “WHO ARE YOU?”

...

Sam took a bite of bacon and said, “I need to talk to you about one more thing.” 

Lexi had just agreed with her brother that she needed to look inward more and fix what was going on inside of her instead of worrying about everyone around her.

“Oh, no. What did I do now?” Lexi asked with a self-deprecating laugh.

Samuel could see that his sister had been humbled and wasn’t feeling the best about herself. 

“It’s not about you, exactly.” Sam answered. He didn’t need to go any further. Lexi knew.

“Mackenzie.” She said. 

Sam nodded. “Listen, she might hurt me.” He admitted. “She told me herself that she’s worried she’ll hurt me.” 

Lexi wanted to use Sam’s confession as justification for her behavior, but she thought better and kept her mouth shut. 

She needed to listen.

“But the thing is...” Sam added. “I’ve been really thinking about this. The thing is that any relationship that has any depth to it at all will bring with it some kind of hurt, right? I mean, there are gonna be struggles and times when you get hurt and you have to forgive. No one will ever have the perfect relationship.”

Lexi listened to her brother. It felt as if he was no longer talking to her. He had someone else on his mind. 

Lex waved her hand and stopped him. “Why are you telling me this?” She asked. “You’re right. You really are. But I think you need to tell someone else that.” 

Lexi had been acting crazy lately, but in that moment she had taken the higher road. She wasn’t going to argue anymore. She could see how much Samuel cared for Mackenzie. Lex was done trying to keep him away from her. 

Lexi shook her head and smiled slightly. She couldn't believe what she was about to say. “You need to go to her.”

...

Sam didn’t go to her.

He was way too tired to have an important conversation with a girl he was interested in. He went home to sleep. He would talk to Mackenzie once he could think clearly enough to communicate why he felt she should take a chance with him. 

After a somewhat dangerous drive home due to his struggle to keep his eyes open, he never expected to see Mackenzie sitting in his parents kitchen drinking tea.

“What’s happening?” Sam asked. His tired confusion was evident to all three women.

Ash held up her mug and answered, “We’re drinking tea.”

“Hmm...” Samuel hummed in confusion. “Ok.”

Samuel turned without a word and went to bed.

“I’ll go check on him.” Ali said. 

She followed him to his room and closed the door behind them to make sure their conversation stayed private.

Sam sat on his bed and started to take off his shoes and socks. 

“Sweetheart, are you feeling ok?” Ali asked. She rubbed his back and waited for him to reply. 

He took off his shirt and said, “I’m really tired.” 

“I’ll let you sleep.” Ali replied. “You’re not upset about anything, though?” Ali asked. She knew that seeing Mackenzie hanging out with them might freak him out a little.

“I’m just tired.” Sam started to unbutton his jeans when he added, “You can stay if you want, but I’m taking off my pants.”

Ali had to laugh at her son’s tired confession. “Ok baby, you get some rest.”

...

Samuel slept for most of the day. When he finally woke up he threw on a pair of sweatpants and went in search for food. With his hair sticking up in every direction, and an obvious limp from his achy leg, he found his youngest sister and mother baking cookies. 

Ali smiled when she saw her son and said, “I would say good morning, but it’s nighttime.” Ali kissed Sam’s cheek and gave him a spoonful of cookie dough, knowing that it was extremely probable that he would try to sneak some in the near future anyway.

“Are you hungry, sweetheart?” Ali asked, already knowing the answer.

Sam replied to her question with his own and asked, “Was I really out of it, or was Mackenzie here when I got home this morning?...Drinking tea?”

Sam heard a voice from the living room say, “You were really out of it, but yeah, I was here...AM here.” Mackenzie stood from her seat next to Ashlyn and Jamie on the couch and approached him. 

“Why are you here?” Samuel asked. 

Ashlyn sensed there was a hint of frustration in his question. She felt that maybe the woman’s presence had put him in a position that he wasn’t ready to be in.

“Bam, can I talk to you for a minute?” Ash asked. She sprung from her seat and didn’t give her son a chance to answer before she had yanked him out of the room by the arm. 

Once they had gotten behind the closed doors of Samuel’s room, Ashlyn got to the point. “Are you not happy that Mackenzie is here?” 

Sam shrugged and answered, “I don’t know. Why is she here?”

“She came because she wanted to help me learn practical ways to cut down on stress.” Ash answered. “At least that’s what she told us.” Ashlyn added. She had been a little suspicious of the woman’s motives, but her actions seemed genuine.

Samuel caught on to what his mother was implying. “She probably means it. She’s like that. Kenze will help anyone.”

“She sounds like someone else I know.” Ashlyn replied. 

Sam just shook his head. His mother was trying to point out that the two were very similar and deserved each other, but Samuel didn’t agree.

“Ma...” Sam started to say. There was something that had been weighing on his heart ever since he straightened things out with Lexi. Now that there was nothing stopping him from pursuing a relationship with Mackenzie, Sam’s real issue surfaced.

Ashlyn motioned for him to sit down. She could tell that not only was something bothering him emotionally, but also physically. He was standing on one leg, making sure not to put any weight on his injured right leg.

The two shared a seat on his bed and Ash asked, “What is it, son?”

Sam answered, feeling ashamed. “Even if she’s here because she really likes me...even if I really like her too, and Lex told me I need to give her a chance...” 

Ash held in her feeling of shock at the news of her daughter’s approval, which basically proved that miracles do happen.

“Even though we are a lot alike...” Sam continued. “What do I have to offer her?”

Ashlyn couldn’t believe what she was hearing. What didn’t Sam have to offer? To her, and anyone who knew him, he was as good as any person could get.

“Sam-Bam, you are an amazing man. You should never think that you aren’t good enough.”

“Sure.” Sam said sarcastically. “Is it the fact that I’m unemployed, disabled, or living with my parents, that makes me so amazing?”

“Ok...” Ashlyn felt her face heat up and heart rate quicken. If anyone had ever said anything to insinuate that her son was worth less because of his present situation she would have gone off and put them in their place, but since it was Samuel saying it about himself she had to try and control her passion. 

“Sam, you got injured being a hero. You are a hero. That’s who you are.” Ashlyn held her son’s hand and continued to give proof of who Sam was. “Even though you have a disability that is keeping you from working, you make every effort to continue to be a hero. You took a long uncomfortable trip to a country that required hard work and had to have been stressful on your body and heart. But you did it because you care for others. You’re living here because you gave up almost everything you owned so that you could find purpose. Isn’t it interesting that the first thing you did to find purpose was to help people?”

Ashlyn smiled and patted Sam’s back and said, “And son, if Lexi gave you advice to ask this girl out, then heaven and earth have moved together to make this happen for you.” She laughed and added, “Don’t take that for granted, son.”

Ash stood up and tousled his hair. Before she left she said, “You might want to put on a shirt and comb your hair.”

Samuel ran his fingers through his hair and figured that a comb wouldn’t be enough for what was happening on his head. He needed a full shower to get control of it. He thought about what his Mama had said and threw on a shirt and hat. Instead of joining the rest of his family, along with Mackenzie, he went to the hallway bathroom to take a shower.

Ashlyn seemed disappointed in her son’s choice to avoid everyone until her wife whispered, “He wants to look his best.” 

The two shared a look and a smile. 

Maybe Samuel was ready to make his move.

...

Samuel finished showering. He picked out a nice shirt and put on a clean pair of jeans. He even put gel in his hair. Sam never put gel in his hair. He had found an old bottle from when Jacob used to live there. It must have been years old. 

“Did Kenzie go home?” Sam asked his mother. 

Ali was the only one up. She was in the kitchen putting away the last of the cookies.

“Sweetheart, it’s 11 o’clock at night.” Ali answered. She showed Samuel her watch.

Sam was noticeably disappointed. He had used his shower time to give himself a pep talk and get himself amped to ask Kenzie to officially be his girlfriend. He felt silly. He felt like a kid asking a girl out for the first time, but he convinced himself that that was a good sign. 

Mackenzie must be really special.

“Umm, did she seem tired?” Sam asked. 

Ali kept herself from smiling and answered, “No, not too tired. She will probably be up for a little while longer.”

Sam had a decision to make. 

He remembered the words his sister had said to him earlier...

“You need to go to her.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got long winded. There will be at least one more chapter with Mackenzie.


	255. You Can't Save Everyone (Part Six)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a FLASHFORWARD chapter.
> 
> This is kinda long. I wanted to introduce some details about Mackenzie before we move on. 
> 
> As always, thank you for reading. I hope you like it.

It was midnight and raining. Samuel’s gelled hair was no longer perfect. He was soaking wet and feeling absolutely ridiculous. The fact that Mackenzie lived in a gated community meant that Sam had to park his truck and climb the large gate without being spotted by security. 

He had woken his sister-in-law up to get Mackenzie’s address. When Sam got to the woman’s house, he had one more fence to climb. 

“What are you doing, Sam?” Samuel asked himself right before dropping hard to the ground from the top of the gate. He felt a sharp pain in his leg, but he had come too far to give up now. 

The sound of dogs barking nearby only made the situation seem more desperate. Sam saw a light turn on in the house and knew that if he was going to do anything, he needed to do it soon. He turned around and saw the fence he had just climbed and debated about ditching his plan and retreating. 

He saw a figure’s shadow walk in front of a window. Sam took a deep breath and walked toward the barking dogs and front door.

It was now or never.

Samuel knocked on the large, intricately detailed wooden door. 

A man answered.

“Uh...hello, sir.” Sam said nervously. He was uninvited, soaking wet, and it was the middle of the night. So much for making a good first impression.

“I’ve called security.” The man said. “You would be wise to leave before they get here.”

Samuel rubbed the back of his neck nervously. 

“Um...I’m here to see Mackenzie.” He really hoped he was at the right place.

Samuel heard another man’s voice come from behind the man at the door. 

“Who is it at this hour?” 

“Someone to see your daughter.” The first man answered. 

Sam realized he was about to meet Mackenzie’s father. There was a fear like he had never known that coursed through his body. This was brand new territory for him. He never should have come, he thought. 

This was a bad idea.

“Of course he is.” Mackenzie’s father said with sarcastic frustration. “My daughter is out back.” He said. The man looked Samuel over and asked, “Are you the boy who my daughter has taken a liking to?’ 

“I hope so.” Sam answered. 

The man laughed at Samuel’s nervous honesty. 

“How did you get in here?” Mackenzie’s dad asked. The man thought he lived in an area where people couldn’t just show up on his doorstep.

Samuel scratched his head and shyly confessed, “I climbed a couple fences.”

“You’ve got a little blood on your shirt.” The man said and pointed at Samuel’s sleeve. 

Sam brought his elbow up and said, “I guess I cut my arm.”

“You didn’t notice when it happened?” 

“No, sir....” Sam swallowed hard. “I guess I was too freaked out to feel it.”

“You nervous?” 

“Yes, sir.” Sam replied. He tried to cover the blood stain with his hand and added, “I’ve never met anyone like your daughter. Once I got started with wanting to tell her how I felt, I couldn’t stop. I’m sorry it’s so late. I probably should’ve waited until morning, but I felt like I was going to explode if I didn’t see her.”

The man didn’t reply at first. He again looked Samuel over and made a clicking noise with his tongue as he did it. This only made Sam more uncomfortable and nervous.

“Uh, sir?” Sam interrupted. “I don’t mean to be rude, but if you really did call security then would it be alright if I see Mackenzie now?” 

“Security?’ The man asked.

“I mean, if I’m gonna get arrested or kicked out, I’d like to talk to your daughter first. If you don’t mind.”

Mackenzie’s father turned toward the other man, who had opened the door and asked, “Did you call security?”

“No, I told him that to scare him.”

Mackenzie’s father laughed and dismissed the man who Sam would later learn was Mackenzie’s dad’s personal assistant. 

“Come in, young man.” 

Samuel followed the man to a bathroom found on the first floor of the three story house. Sam noticed that based on the house Mackenzie’s father must have been very wealthy. What he didn’t know was that he was living modestly compared to what he could actually afford. 

The man handed Sam a towel and said, “Dry off.” 

Samuel did the best he could to soak up the extra water from his wet clothes. The man told him to throw the damp towel on the floor. His house keeper would take care of it in the morning. 

“What are your intentions with my daughter?” The man asked as he led Samuel through several rooms of his house. “She’s not just some average girl, you know? She has a heart bigger than the entire world. If you’re not looking to treat her right, then you’re looking for a hard time from me.”

“I know she’s special, sir. I’m not sure if I deserve her, to be honest.” Sam said.

Samuel started using his hands to rub his arms to try to warm himself up. He was shivering. Sam soon found out where Mackenzie got her kind heart from when her father took one of his own coats from the closet and offered it to Sam. 

After accepting the warm wool coat from the man, Samuel said, “I know that I would never treat her in any other way, but with honor and respect.” 

“That’s what I want to hear.” The man gave Sam a hard pat on the back and said, “One more thing.” The man squeezed Sam’s shoulder hard and said, “If you hurt my daughter...I will kill you.”

“I understand, sir.”

The man smiled and led Samuel to the back door of the house. He pointed into the distance and said, “She’s up there.”

“Seriously?” Sam asked. 

“Seriously.”

Sam couldn’t believe what he saw.

...

 

Lexi’s head laid on Charlie’s chest. She drew patterns on her chest with her finger.

“She spent all day with my family.” Lexi said, as Charlie held her in their bed.

“I know.” Charlie replied. She wanted to say that she not only knew, but that she had been listening to Lexi talk about it ever since Ali had called her and told her of the newest family gossip.

Lexi mindlessly kissed her fiance’s exposed skin and added, “And he went to find her house.” She lifted her head up so she could see Charlie’s eyes, which were closed, and she said, “It’s past midnight. Don’t you think it would’ve been better to wait until morning? Not to mention that it’s raining.” 

Charlie’s breathing was getting heavy due to her body’s desire to sleep, but she managed to hear what Lexi was saying. She may have answered a little more honestly than she would have if she wasn’t so tired. “Sounds romantic to me.”

“Romantic?” Lexi said with a hint of surprise in her voice. The thought of her little brother having the potential to be romantic wasn’t something she was used to thinking.

...

“You live in a treehouse.” Sam stated after climbing a tree to get to the structure that Mackenzie’s father had pointed to. 

There were several structures in several trees, stretched across a large portion of Mackenzie’s father’s land. The different structures were connected by bridges, and ropes to swing across (if the trees were close enough to one another). 

Samuel had never seen anything like it.

Mackenzie smiled at her unexpected visitor and replied, “I do not. My dad built this for me when I was a kid. I live in a house about a mile that way.” She said as she used her thumb to point behind her.

Samuel was still trying to digest all the new information he had discovered about his crush. 

“So...you’re like a gazillionaire.” 

Mackenzie stifled a laugh and corrected him. “I’m not a gazillionaire. But I do have more than enough.”

She had seen people change once they found out who her father was, and how much her family was worth. Almost everyone had turned into someone who tried to figure out how to benefit from her wealth. It was a normal occurrence for her to find a friend, tell them the truth about her family, and then watch that friend look for their own selfish gain. 

The worst reaction wasn’t those looking for their own gain, but the ones who became bitter about it. She knew that she was lucky to be the daughter of someone who had more money than most people, but their finances didn’t mean that her life was easy, or all that much different from the lives of everyone else. Unfortunately people didn’t see that side of things. When her parents went through their nasty divorce, she had told the girl who she thought was her best friend at the time. Her friend told her that she should be happy. Now her mother couldn’t stand in her way of getting all of her dad’s money if anything ever happened to him.

The divorce had broken her heart. She needed a friend to share her feelings with, but she was met by someone who didn’t understand her at all. It hurt even more when she found out that her mother was using her as leverage to get as much of her father’s fortune out of him as possible. 

“You’re not going to be different now, are you?” Mackenzie asked. She really cared about Samuel. 

Sam shrugged and replied, “I don’t know.” He looked around and asked, “Your dad’s not in the Mafia or anything, right?”

Samuel was 100% serious.

His question made the girl smile. 

“I think you might be just as weird as people say I am.” Mackenzie said. She stood up and held out her hand. “You look like you’re freezing.”

Samuel took the woman’s hand and followed her down a set of stairs that wrapped around the tree. She continued to hold his hand and led him towards her father’s house.

“I thought you said you lived over there.” Sam said and pointed toward the darkness behind the house. The family owned acres of land. All Sam could see were trees and darkness.

Mackenzie answered as they arrived at her father’s garage. “I do, but I’m not gonna make you walk a mile.” She turned the light on and asked, “Which one?”

The large garage was filled with vehicles. Some high end luxury cars, and some off-road vehicles. Sam pointed at a motorcycle and the woman laughed. 

“That might not be the safest ride to my house.” She said. “How about that one?” Mackenzie had picked out a four wheeler. “I’ll drive.” She added.

Samuel wasn’t going to question it. He felt like he should expect the unexpected when it came to his adventurous new friend.

Sam found his seat behind Mackenzie. She turned slightly toward him and said, “Hold on. I don’t want to lose you.”

Samuel wrapped his arms around her waist and held on tight.

He didn’t want to lose her either.

Her house was more modest than her father’s. It was secluded and had an amazing view that Samuel couldn’t truly appreciate because of the darkness.

“You should stay the night.” Mackenzie said after she had invited him in. 

Samuel started laughing uncomfortably. “There is no way.” He replied. “I just got done promising your father that I would treat you honorably.”

“Sam, we are adults. It’s the middle of the night and you are shivering. There’s no way I am letting you drive home in this condition.”

She started walking away from Samuel. He followed behind her simply because he didn’t know what else to do. She pulled a shirt out of her dresser drawer and handed it to Sam. 

“I have this from the other day.” She said. She had borrowed it from him when he spilled coffee all over her. “You should let me wash your clothes while you take a hot shower to warm up.”

Sam again could only laugh uncomfortably. “Kenze, I’m not taking a shower here. Besides, I need more than a t-shirt to change into.”

Mackenzie raised her eyebrows and replied, “I was hoping you would be happy to sit around in a towel.”

Sam’s eyes grew big and cheeks flushed as he pictured himself hanging out practically naked with Mackenzie.

“Relax!” The woman said. She was thoroughly enjoying embarrassing Samuel. “I’ll go get something from my dad.”

“I still don’t think it’s a good idea.” 

“Sam, I’m gonna try to say this as nicely as I can.” Mackenzie said. She put her hand on Samuel’s shoulder and said, “If you could see the kind of shape you’re in, you would agree with me. You need some serious TLC.” 

Mackenzie watched as Sam looked himself over. He was wet, a little muddy, and had traces of blood on his clothing. 

“Don’t worry.” Mackenzie said when she saw Samuel start to look a little dispirited as he realized he wasn’t looking his best. “I still think you’re cute.”

“I’ll only stay under one condition.” Sam said. After hearing that the woman thought he looked cute his confidence skyrocketed. “You have to answer one question.”

Mackenzie smiled. “Anything.”

“Is your family part of the Mafia, or not?”

...

After giving Samuel her word that her family had no ties with the Mafia, Sam agreed to shower and stay the night. While he showered she made the trip back to her dad’s house and stole some of his clothes for Sam. When she had returned, Sam was sitting with a towel wrapped around his waist in an old rocking chair. 

He had fallen asleep.

Mackenzie thought twice about waking him, especially since it sounded like his nose was a little stuffy and he might be catching a cold. She decided it was more compassionate to wake him up now and make him move to a more comfortable place, than to let him sleep and have a sore neck and back in the morning.

“Sam...” She whispered. She shook his shoulder softly. “Sam...” She repeated. He was not moving. She tried one more time and added a firmer shake. “Sammy!”

Sam woke up startled. He forgot where he was and why he wasn’t wearing any pants.

“I know you’re trying to be honorable and all that, but I’ve got a few spare rooms. You don’t have to sleep in a chair.” Mackenzie said with a smile and a little bit of sass. 

Samuel stood up, being careful to keep his towel in place to make sure he didn’t give Mackenzie a free show. “Sorry.” He mumbled. 

The woman used her hand to feel his forehead and said, “I think standing out in the cold rain has gotten you sick.” 

She shook her head and added, “We need to get you to bed.” 

Mackenzie showed him to a guest room and gave him a clean set of clothes to wear. She promised him that his clothes would be washed and ready for him in the morning. 

As she was walking out she heard him mumble, “I came here because I wanted to ask you out.”

She turned back and looked to see if he was awake enough to have a real conversation with. She determined that he wasn’t. She hoped that what she had heard was from his heart. Mackenzie had never felt so strongly for someone. 

She kissed him softly, making sure not to wake him up, and whispered, “If you ask, I’ll say yes.”

...

“Good morning, wife.” Ali greeted in a tone too chipper for the time of day.

Ashlyn had just woken up. She had her phone in her hand and an accusing look in her eye. “Babe, did you tell Lex about Sam leaving late last night?”

Ash had gone to sleep before Ali had talked to Sam about going to see Mackenzie the night before. She was clueless about the whole thing.

“I might have texted her about it.” Ali confessed with a guilty grin. 

“You and your gossip.” Ashlyn mumbled under her breath.

Ali’s smile grew by the second. She couldn’t contain it any longer, “Speaking of empty beds...” 

“We weren’t speaking about...” Ash replied. She stopped from finishing her thought when she saw the look on her wife’s face. “Alex, seriously. You are such a gossiper.”

“I AM NOT!” Ali replied. “But I’m just saying our son never came home last night.”

That was a bit of gossip that Ashlyn was actually interested in hearing. “Really?” She asked. Ashlyn didn’t wait for an answer. She left to confirm the information on her own. 

Sure enough, Sam’s bed was empty.

“Maybe he got up early.” Ash said. She knew as soon as the words left her lips that there was no way.

“Yeah, right.” Ali replied sarcastically.

“Maybe he’s at Jake’s.”

“I guess that’s a possibility.” Ali said. She watched as her wife grasped at straws for any other answer besides the obvious one. 

Ali shook her head at Ashlyn. “Ash, he’s all grown up.”

“I know.” Ashlyn replied. “I just have a hard time thinking about him in any other way than my little Sam-Bam.”

Ali tried really hard not to laugh. 

She tried and failed.

“Stop laughing at me.” Ash said through her own smile. She knew exactly what her wife was thinking.

“I’m sorry, baby. But you struggle to see all of our children as adults. You act as if they are all still our little babies.” 

“Well...that’s cuz they are!” Ash replied with great conviction.

Ali kissed Ash’s cheek and replied, “Whatever you say...”

...

 

Samuel stretched and groaned as he started to wake up. He heard his leg pop and knew he was in for a rough day. 

“I hope you don’t mind...” Mackenzie said as she brought in a tray of breakfast food. She had been waiting for him to wake up for a while. She set the tray down and added, “I called Rachel.” 

Sam saw a prescription bottle on the corner of the tray of food. 

Mackenzie continued to explain, “I wasn’t being creepy, or anything.” The woman’s comment got a small smile from Sam. She added, “I heard you kind of moaning in your sleep. I could tell you were in some pain. Rachel checked and said that you hadn’t filled your prescription since before our trip. I had someone get it for you.”

“You made me breakfast and had someone get me medicine...” Sam said, as he tried to put all the pieces together.

Mackenzie sat down on the edge of the bed and confessed, “I wish I could cook this good.” The tray was filled with fancy pastries and breakfast foods. “My dad’s chef made extra for us. I usually eat a granola bar and yogurt every morning, but since you’re here I thought I’d go over and see what he made.”

“Your life is very different.” Sam replied. He sat up and reached for one of the icing covered French pastries that Mackenzie had brought him. He ate it in one bite. “It’s good.” 

“My Dad had your truck brought over. I hope you don’t mind that I gave him your keys. You were sleeping and I didn’t want to wake you.” 

“It’s fine.” Sam replied. “So, you called Rachel?” 

As Sam continued to wake up and get a clearer picture of things, he was starting to feel a little uncomfortable. He was in the guest room of a woman who he really liked. She lived a very different lifestyle than he was used to. She spent the entire previous day hanging out with half of his family. He was wearing her father’s clothes, and now he was wondering how much of his health problems the woman had found out about.

“I know this must seem weird.” Mackenzie replied. “Rachel is someone I’ve known for a while now because of the hospital. You had blood on your shirt and you seemed to be in pain. I wanted to make sure you were ok. She said you might be in pain because of your leg. I didn’t mean to get in your business, or anything.” 

Mackenzie was a straightforward person. She often worried that she came across too strong. She really hoped she hadn’t ruined things with Sam before they had a chance to get started.

“I might have hurt myself last night.” He confessed. “I’ve had two surgeries on it and it only seems to get worse.” 

“Maybe you shouldn’t climb over fences.” Mackenzie teased. 

He laughed softly and said, “Maybe.”

Mackenzie held on to Samuel’s hand and asked, “Is this too weird? Did I ruin things?”

Samuel reached for a home made donut and split it into two pieces. He offered a half to Mackenzie and took a bite from the other piece.

“My whole life people have called me weird.” Samuel said in a serious tone. His eyes met Mackenzie’s and he added, “I think I may have finally met my match.”

“Your match in a ‘dating’ sense, or in a ‘super strange and you don’t want to have anything to do with me’ sense?”

“In the sense that I would kiss you right now, but I can’t because I have morning breath.” 

Mackenzie smiled shyly and then got an idea. She reached for Sam’s breakfast tray and got a cup of tea. “Drink this. It’s green mint tea.”

Samuel took a sip of the liquid that had cooled down considerably since Mackenzie had brought it from her father’s house. He swished it around in his mouth and hoped that the mint would freshen his breath.

After a quick breath test with his hand, he smiled. “I think it’s safe now.” 

Mackenzie leaned in with a matching smile on her face. “I can’t stop smiling.” She said after they shared one more kiss before Samuel made it official. 

“So, uhhh...now that we’ve spent the night together...Do you wanna be my girlfriend?”

“Yeah, I guess.” Mackenzie answered, trying to sound calm. “But only if you promise you’re not interested in me for my tree house.”

Samuel laughed, “You do have an epic tree house. It’s like a Swiss Family Robinson level tree house.” He placed a soft kiss on her lips and added, “But I’m here for you, not your tree house...” He paused, knowing that she probably had more questions on her mind that needed answered. 

“Kenze, I don’t care about any of the other stuff. I only care about you. I promise.”

...

Jacob leaned in close to his little brother and quietly sang, “Someone’s got a girlfriend.”

“Shut up.” Samuel replied in a whisper. 

Four days after Sam and Mackenzie made their relationship official, Ali and Ashlyn invited everyone over for their weekly family dinner...including Mackenzie. Jacob used the opportunity to embarrass his little brother while the two of them were alone in their parents’ back yard.

“I know that you’re out of practice, but I want you to know that Rachel says I’m a really good kisser. So I can give you tips if you need any help.” Jacob teased. 

Samuel shook his head and said, “I’m good in that department.”

“It’s just that I know you’re rusty. I wouldn’t want you to embarrass yourself.” Jacob put his arm around his brother and pulled him even closer to him and said, “Heck, Jamie could probably give you some pointers.”

Samuel elbowed Jake in the stomach, causing him to take a step back from the impact. Once there was a little distance between them, Samuel replied, “I will destroy you if you don’t shut your mouth.”

Once Jake caught his breath he laughed in his brother’s face. “You wish. Even if you were strong enough to hurt me, which you’re not, you could never catch me. You’re slow and gimpy. I am strong and fast.” 

“You wish. You’re small and weak. All it would take is one good punch and you would be done.” Sam replied. Though Jacob was very fit, he was much more lean than Samuel. Sam was the biggest of the siblings, muscle-wise. He was certain that he could take his big brother.

“Little Sam, you are mistaken. Don’t embarrass yourself.” Jacob teased. 

Back inside, Ali, Rachel, and Mackenzie sat at the kitchen table talking and drinking coffee. Their conversation was interrupted by a yell and then Samuel chasing Jacob through the house. Sam got close enough to his brother a couple of times to smack him in the back, but he was never able to fully connect. 

“Do they do that a lot?” Mackenzie asked. 

Ali shook her head in shame and answered, “Too much, if you ask me.”

Jacob sprinted past them and made his escape out the front door. Samuel’s pace had slowed down considerably since the chase had begun. He had started to limp. 

Ali noticed her son’s gait and spoke up, “Sweetheart, I wish you wouldn’t play so rough with your brother. Come sit with us.”

Samuel looked at his mother like she was crazy. Her words did not compute. “I’m fine.” He answered. He heard his younger brother’s voice and got an idea. “I just need reinforcements.” 

The women watched as he hurried to get his brother’s assistance. Both siblings went in search for the elder brother. Samuel’s strength and spirit mixed with Jamie’s quickness and desire to show his older brothers that he was tough, was more than enough to take Jacob down. 

Ali finally put an end to her sons’ rough housing when Jamie came back inside and asked her for the first aid kit. Samuel had a bloody lip and Jacob hurt his wrist. The boys promised their mother that they wouldn’t fight for the rest of the night. 

Sam broke that promise when Jacob snuck behind him, put him in a headlock and after planting a kiss on his cheek said, “Let me know if you want some tips.”

Samuel tackled him in the living room and knocked over a vase of flowers and his little sister in the process. 

Rachel smiled at Ali and told her, “I think this is actually a good sign.”

“What do you mean?” Ali asked. She hated when her boys wrestled. She always worried they would get hurt. 

“Jake hasn’t picked on Sam in a while because he knew that it wouldn’t be received well.” Rachel explained. Samuel had been borderline depressed for a while. Recently his outlook on life seemed to have brightened. “I think it’s a good sign. I think that Sam is starting to feel better about life.” 

Rachel smiled and winked at Mackenzie before saying, “I wonder why he’s so happy lately.”

Mackenzie stood up and replied, “I wouldn’t know.” She said it in a playful tone, but it was clear that she didn’t want to gossip about her boyfriend.

Mackenzie left to join Samuel with the rowdier members of the group. She didn’t want to get into a discussion about why Samuel was happier. One reason was because she didn’t want to take any credit away from him and the personal journey that he was on to find contentment and purpose. The other reason was because she knew he was still working through some things. She didn’t feel it was her place to fill anyone in on the inner workings of Sam’s heart. 

As soon as Mackenzie made her presence known, Sam ‘s attention left the wrestling match he and his brothers had been having and he gave it fully to her. 

“He’s all yours, Jame.” Sam said as he removed himself from the pile of the three brothers. 

Mackenzie helped pull him up and asked, “You wanna go on a quick walk?”

“Sure.” Sam answered. He was glad to do just about anything if it involved his new girlfriend. 

Once they had left the house, she took his hand and said, “I’m not sure I like you fighting with your brother.” 

“We weren’t fighting.” Sam replied. “We were bonding. That’s what brothers do.”

“I know, but what about your leg?” 

Samuel didn’t complain about his leg pain, but she had seen enough to know it was serious. 

“Kenze, it’s fine. We were just having fun.” 

“I know that. I wonder if it might not hurt as much if maybe you took it a little easier.” Mackenzie replied.

She wanted to tread carefully. They had only been dating for a short time. She didn’t want to come off as a crazy girlfriend too soon.

“Nothing can help it. It’s not going to get better. I would rather have a good time and hurt, then sit around and do nothing.

Samuel noticed that his new girlfriend didn’t seem to like his answer, so he asked, “What? You don’t approve?”

She just shrugged. She really didn’t want to come off as a nag, or overbearing. 

“You can say what you’re thinking.” Sam said. “I don’t mind hearing your opinion.”

Mackenzie sighed heavily and said, “I guess I don’t understand why you’re giving up.”

“I’m not giving up.” Sam replied. “I’ve had two surgeries and it just gets worse. My leg is being held together by screws and metal plates. There’s nothing that can be done.” 

“I disagree.” Mackenzie replied. “I’ve seen crazier things happen. I think we can find someone that can help you. But you need to want that...I don’t want to force anything on you.”

“You won’t be forcing anything on me...because it’s hopeless.”

Mackenzie dropped Sam’s hand and replied in disapproval, “I thought I knew you better than that.”

Sam was a little confused. All he knew was that his hand felt colder since his girlfriend had let it go. “What do you mean?”

“I thought we were both kindred spirits.”

Now Sam was even more confused. “What does that mean?”

“It means that we’re the same. I thought that me and you had in common the ability to hold on to hope.”

Samuel felt a sort of déjà vu. Mackenzie continued to talk about the potential of using her father’s connections and resources to find someone that could help him, but he didn’t hear her. 

It wasn’t until he felt his girlfriend’s finger tap on his forehead that he realized he had zoned out. “Earth to Sam.” Mackenzie said. 

“What?” He replied. “Oh, sorry.”

“Where did you go?” Mackenzie asked with a smile. She found Samuel’s daydreaming charming. 

“Up a tree.” Sam answered with a big smile. “My first crush taught me how to climb a tree. I remember I was a little freaked out.” Sam laughed thinking about how Tobin had helped him find a sturdy branch to sit on. She held him tight against her, there was no way he could fall, but he was still a little scared.

“Who was your first crush?” Mackenzie asked. She added with a laugh, “Should I be jealous?”

“Maybe a little.” Sam joked. “She was....is...one of the greatest people ever.” Samuel smiled and reassured Mackenzie, “She’s old. She’s like my parents’ age.”

“So, what’s so great about her?”

“Well...” Sam stopped to think of the many things he could say to describe the greatness that was Tobin Heath. “It’s hard to explain, but I can tell you about what I was remembering that brought her to mind.”

“Ok.” 

“She helped me climb a tree, and then told me a story about a bunch of monkeys.”

Mackenzie furrowed her brow in confusion and asked, “Monkeys?”

“Yeah.” Sam answered. “It was about a group of monkeys who lived in a jungle and were afraid to climb out of the darkness. But there was one that Tobin called the ‘hopeful monkey’ who climbed...even when it was hard and dark...and held on to hope.”

It all made sense to Mackenzie now. There was a reason Sam’s mind had drifted from her...and she was glad that it had.

“So basically, your first crush and your new crush are telling you the same thing.” Mackenzie replied. 

“Basically.” Sam agreed with a chuckle.

“So...” Mackenzie said as she looped her arm through Samuel’s. “Are you gonna keep climbing?”

...

“Finally!” Ali exclaimed when she saw her wife, daughter, and Charlie had arrived. 

Ashlyn had left earlier that day to check on things at work. She promised Ali she would only be there for an hour and then would come straight home. She had been gone for almost three hours.

“Ash, you were supposed to come right home.” Ali scolded right after she gave Ashlyn a sweet, welcome home kiss.

Lexi answered for her mother. “She made me do yoga with her.” 

“Really?” Ali asked with a smile. She was the one who had recommended that Ash try yoga to deal with her stress. Ashlyn laughed off the suggestion like it was ridiculous.

“They stopped by the gym while I was there, so I got them to jump in on a class with me.” Ash explained.

Ali pulled Ash close by tugging on the front of her shirt. “Baby, you really went to yoga?” 

Ash nodded and smirked. Ali kissed her dimple and whispered so that only she could hear, “Thank you. I’ll reward you later.”

Ashlyn wasn’t expecting that. She had gone to the class for Ali, but she also went because she thought it might be helpful for their daughter. Lexi’s anxiety had been high also. Ash had found a way to make her wife happy and help Lexi.

“What did you whisper?” Lexi asked her mother. “Mama’s face just turned bright red.”

Charlie caught on to what was happening and pulled on her fiancé’s arm. She dragged her away and said, “Babe, I don’t think you wanna know what she just said.”

“What? Why?” Lexi asked. She figured it out before she finished asking the question. “Oh, gross. I don’t want to know that!”

“That’s what I’m saying.” Charlie laughed. 

Lexi was relieved to hear her brother’s voice. If anyone could make an awkward situation better it was Samuel...at least in her world, anyway.

As soon as Samuel and Mackenzie had returned from their walk, Sam grabbed an ice pack from the freezer. Ali’s mom-senses kicked in as she watched her son. He seemed quieter than he had been earlier. She observed how Mackenzie and him spoke to each other. There was a certain peace between the two. 

It was a welcome sight to her after watching her son struggle over the last couple of months. She suspected that he had been hurting for longer, but hadn’t said anything until recently. 

Things were starting to change for the better for her son, and she knew that Mackenzie had something to do with that. 

That was all Ali needed to know about the woman who had stolen her son’s heart.

...

Mackenzie left her boyfriend’s parents’ house when she watched Sam fall asleep with his nephew in his arms. She waited to see if he would wake up, but he was sound asleep. She hugged Rachel, along with Ashlyn and Ali on her way out. When she got home she had some serious thinking to do. 

...

The next morning, Mackenzie stopped by to see Ali at work. With all the drama of Ashlyn’s hospital visit and deciding that she wanted to be in a relationship with Sam, her potential offer to give Ali and Annie a grant for their shelter got held up. 

It was time for her to get back to business.

Ali smiled when she first spotted her. She greeted the woman with a hug. Things were much different than the first time they had met. 

“Hi, there.” Ali said cheerfully. “I didn’t know you were coming today.”

“I was wondering if I could speak with you and Annie for a few minutes.” Mackenzie said. She sounded way too professional. It worried Ali a bit. There was a definite sense of weight in the air. 

Ali knew that something was about to happen, and she wasn’t sure it was going to be a good thing.

“Of course. I need to find Annie. I think she’s in the kitchen.” Ali answered. “I’ll be right back.” She added nervously.

When Ali returned she noticed Mackenzie was taking pictures of the building. That sparked a little bit of hope in her mind. She figured that Mackenzie must want to invest somehow in the facility if she was gong to the trouble of taking pictures.

Ali and Annie invited Mackenzie to speak with them in their office. This time when she noticed Samuel’s picture on Ali’s desk she felt nothing but absolute bliss. When she had first met Ali, it was Sam’s picture that made her realize who Ali was. It not only freaked her out, but made her incredibly sad. She realized that she missed her friend and even though she had told him otherwise, she had fallen hard for him.

Ali and Annie gave Mackenzie a few moments to stare at Sam’s picture. She got a little embarrassed once she realized that they were watching her. 

“Sorry.” She apologized. She apologized again by saying, “Everyone says I’m weird.”

Ali stretched her hand toward the woman and let it rest on her forearm. She gave it a squeeze and said, “I think you’re wonderful.”

Ali no longer cared about acting professional. What she cared about was Mackenzie.

“Things are so different now.” Mackenzie replied. She sat up straight and cleared her throat. She gently pulled her arm out of Ali’s comforting grip and said, “I need you to know that if you weren’t my boyfriend’s mother, it would be a no-brainer for me to help you continue to do what you’re doing here. This is an amazing service that you are providing for people who are in a tremendous amount of need.”

Ali noticed that her son’s girlfriend looked sick. All Ali wanted was to put the woman’s heart at ease. “Mackenzie, it’s ok. We understand.” Ali said with a kind smile. 

Annie knew that Ali must have been just as disappointed as she was, but she played along and smiled.

“I don’t feel it would be appropriate for me to give a large amount of money to an organization that is run by someone who is related to the man I’m dating....Even if it is a great cause.” Mackenzie said sadly. “Even though I really want to...I just don’t think it would be what was best for Samuel and I.” 

Mackenzie worried that Samuel would treat her differently, or feel that he owed her if she helped out Ali and Annie’s shelter. She felt she had no choice. 

Thankfully, Mackenzie was not only compassionate, but also resourceful. She had come up with a solution.

“I felt that I needed to remove myself completely from the decision.” Mackenzie explained. “I spoke to my dad, and used my super powers as his favorite person in the whole world to convince him that he should think about helping you.”

Mackenzie pulled out her dad’s business card and handed it to Ali. She explained about her father’s intentions, “He said that he would be happy to help you. He would like to take on all of your financial needs. But he has one condition...”

Annie leaned in toward Mackenzie and asked with bated breath, “What is it?”

“You can’t save everyone.” Mackenzie answered. “But you can save some.” She pulled out a folded up envelope out of her pocket and said, “I have no idea how much this is for, but I know my father, and I’m positive that it will be enough to help a lot of people.” 

Mackenzie stood to leave. She took a few steps to cross the small distance of the room and before she walked out said, “My dad said to dream big. I am confident that if you show him that you are trying to help as many people as you can, that he will make it happen for you. So....” 

Mackenzie paused to catch Ali’s eyes with her own, “Dream big.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want more on the story Tobin told Sam, check out chapter 27: 2 Little Monkeys Sitting In A Tree


	256. A Hard Fall (Part One)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a FLASHFORWARD chapter. It is a follow up to the previous chapter.

Lexi had just put the finishing touches on her makeup when she said to her fiancé, “Don’t forget the signal.”

“What signal?” Charlie asked. She had forgotten about what Lexi was talking about.

“We had a long conversation about it last night. You don’t remember?” Lexi asked. She had gone into great detail about a conversation her mother had had with her the day before. 

Ali warned her that she often came off a little strong when it came to girls who were interested in her little brother. Ali and Ash had invited Jacob and Rachel, Lexi and Charlie, and Sam and Mackenzie on a date night, hoping to get everyone on the same page about how great Mackenzie was for Sam.

It was mostly for Lexi’s benefit. Charlie was in on the plan, as well as Rachel. Rachel had the advantage of knowing Lexi when they were still kids. Lex loved her and saw her as a big sister long before she was old enough to disapprove of her dating Jacob.

Lexi’s desire to protect Samuel was on another level. When she was younger she used to get jealous of the extra attention her little brother often received. He was wild and sensitive. As they grew up and became best friends, she found herself needing to watch over him because of his wildness and sensitivity. She kept him out of trouble and he kept her from always playing it safe and never having any fun. 

When Lexi struggled with her sexuality and having confidence in herself, he made sure she knew he would always accept her and believe in her. When she was in an abusive relationship, he reminded her of who she was and that she deserved better....He also beat the guy up.

As they grew up Lexi watched her brother hold on to a certain kind of innocence. She envied the fact that he could see good in almost anyone, but she worried that he was too trusting and would put himself in situations where he could get hurt or taken advantage of. From an early age, Lexi felt that it was her job to protect him, and that didn’t change as they had gotten older.

“Remember?” Lex asked. Charlie’s expression of confusion was answer enough for Lexi to further explain. “We talked about how my Mom told me I had to be nice to Mackenzie. We came up with a signal in case I need to be reminded.”

“Uhh...ummm...” Charlie was clueless.

“Babe, you were going to use your napkin to wipe your mouth.” 

Charlie frowned and asked, “What if I really do need to wipe my mouth?”

“You can wipe it, but if you see me make eye contact with you then wipe it again. That will be the signal.” Lexi answered.

...

“Maybe we should reschedule.” Mackenzie suggested. Samuel had just informed her that Jacob and Rachel weren’t going to be able to make it to date night. 

Samuel replied, “Why would we want to do that? There’s still six of us who can make it.”

“Because Rachel is my #1 fan. I need her to be a buffer.”

“Uh, excuse you.” Sam replied. “I’m your #1 fan. I will be there.” He put his arm around her and added, “Don’t worry about Lex. She loves you.”

Mackenzie scoffed, “You are a big liar.” She used two fingers to guide Sam’s chin downward until his lips were close enough for her to reach by standing on the tips of her toes. She kissed him and said, “By the way, I’m not only freaked out about your sister, but also your Mama. She’s been nothing but polite to me, but I can tell she’s hesitant about me.”

“She was like that with Charlie, too. Don’t worry about her. Ma’s easy.”

“I wish I was as confident as you.” Mackenzie replied. “I know your sister hates me.”

“Who cares?” Sam asked. 

He cared, but at the same time he didn’t care. He especially didn’t want his girlfriend to care so much about it that it caused her to worry. Sam was confident that once Lexi and Mackenzie spent more time together that they would become friends. 

“I don’t want to get in between you and your sister.” Mackenzie answered. “I know she’s important to you. So, yes, I care.”

“But you have to keep in mind that my sister is insane. I mean, I love her...but she can be crazy.”

Mackenzie shook her head in disagreement. “She’s not crazy. She loves you. Lexi has loved you and taken care of you for a long time. I can’t imagine how hard it must be for her to take a step back. I hope she doesn’t feel like I would ever take you from her.”

“I don’t think she’s worried about that.” Sam replied. “She’s been my best friend since I can remember.” 

“Your certainty is sweet, but I think she might feel...not intimidated...but uncomfortable about my place in your life.” Mackenzie suggested. She added, “It doesn’t make any sense, if you ask me. She so smart and beautiful, and I’m just...” Mackenzie stopped herself from putting herself down in front of Samuel.

“You’re super hot.” Sam said, finishing the sentence that she started. “That’s what you are. Lex is beautiful, but so are you. And even better than that, you are beautiful in every way...inside and out.” 

Samuel caught his girlfriend rolling her eyes in disbelief, he made sure to reiterate, “Hey. I’m serious. You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met. There’s no competition.”

...

“So...” Ali said to Samuel’s girlfriend. “Tell us a little more about yourself. We know some wonderful things already, but we want to get to know you more.”

The three couples had ordered their drinks and meals and were waiting for their entrees to arrive. Thankfully for Samuel, who claimed he was starving, Ash ordered appetizers. As Sam ate most of the chips and salsa, Mackenzie tried to think of an answer for Ali’s question. 

“Well, let me see....” Mackenzie started. “I’m really close to my dad. He’s pretty much my best friend.” She smiled at Sam and said, “Although this guy’s starting to give him some competition.” Sam smiled back as he ate another handful of chips.

Mackenzie continued, “My parents got divorced when I was in high school.” 

“Are you close with your mom?” Ali asked. 

Lexi tried to watch Sam’s reactions to each of Mackenzie’s answers, but he seemed completely at ease with whatever the girl would say. Although the reason for it could have been that he was more focused on filling his stomach than paying attention to the conversation.

“Not really.” Mackenzie said, sounding a little sad. 

Samuel’s lack of concern confirmed to Lexi that he was distracted and wasn’t really listening. She was almost glad, not because she thought it proved he didn’t care about what Mackenzie was saying, but because it proved that he was still his old self.

Mackenzie continued, “Towards the end of my parents marriage she showed herself to be someone other than who we thought she was.” 

Sam’s girlfriend left it at that. She didn’t want to change the tone of the evening. If she brought up her painful past it could put a damper on a potentially fun and productive night. She was hoping to establish a healthy and happy relationship with Lexi and Ashlyn. She knew Ali liked her. Ali had told her that a few times since they had met a month ago. Ash, on the other hand, though she was always polite and kind, still seemed a little standoffish.

“So what’s Sam like as a boyfriend?” Lexi asked. She was honestly curious. It had been a while since she had witnessed this side of him.

Mackenzie squeezed her boyfriend’s leg to get his attention and answered, “He’s great.”

At first Sam didn’t know the context of the comment, but it became clear as the conversation continued. 

“What makes him so great?” Lex asked. The phrasing of the question made it sound like she was trying to convince the woman that he wasn’t that great, but that was not her intention at all. 

Mackenzie felt compelled to defend him, and Sam felt like his sister was trying to make him seem less attractive as a boyfriend. He assumed the reason was because Lexi thought it would be easier if Mackenzie lost interest and broke up with him. That way she didn’t have to try to persuade him to break up with Mackenzie. 

“He’s very thoughtful.” Mackenzie answered. She bit her lip to keep from smiling too much. She felt a warmth in her cheeks. 

“Like how?” Lexi asked. 

“He brings me flowers and little gifts that he knows will brighten my day.” She answered. “He leaves me sweet, little notes.”

Now it was Samuel’s turn to blush. “They don’t want to hear about that.” He said, hoping that they could change the subject. Unfortunately for him, Ali assured both him and his girlfriend that she did want to hear about that sort of thing.

“He leaves you notes?” Lexi asked, sounding completely shocked. “Can you read them? Does he spell everything right?”

Sam went from slight embarrassment, to full on shame. Samuel was dyslexic. He would sometimes mix up letters when he would write things down. He could read fine, but writing was sometimes hard for him, especially when he was tired. His writing was also sloppy and hard to read. When he was first learning how to read and write it was difficult for him to sit still and practice his writing. It was even more difficult because he would occasionally see things backwards. He spent much of his life trying to avoid writing and reading out loud. He had gotten over his reading phobia, but his writing still made him self-conscious. 

The fact that he was writing notes to Mackenzie was a big deal. It meant that he felt safe with her. He didn’t feel embarrassed, or judged. Unfortunately, Lexi’s comments brought back those feelings of insecurity. He was embarrassed, and now felt certain that Lexi was trying to make him look bad. 

Samuel cleared his throat and stood up from his seat. He forced a smile and said, “I need to go to the bathroom.” 

He wanted to go home, but knew that would only make things more uncomfortable. His girlfriend noticed right away that something was wrong. 

The whole table noticed.

As soon as he left, Ashlyn said, “Will you all excuse us.” She looked pointedly at her daughter and said, “Lexi and I will be right back.”

Lexi knew she was in trouble. She didn’t mean it. Charlie hadn’t given her the signal. She really was trying to be nice.

Once they had gotten some distance from the table, Lexi said, “Mama, I know what you’re going to say. I didn’t mean it to sound that way.”

“You hurt your brother.” Ash answered. She didn’t waste any time getting to the point. “You’re so afraid that she’s going to hurt him, but you’re the one doing it...and you’re doing it without even trying.” 

“Mama, I know you’re worried too about her hurting him.” Lexi said, trying to defend herself.

“Yes, I am. But your brother is happy...and as much as I hate to admit it, he’s a grown man. I can’t treat him like he’s still my little boy. And you can’t treat him like he’s still your little brother that doesn’t know any better. This is his decision, and we need to support it.” Ash answered. 

Ash knew all about Lexi’s anxiety and desire to keep Samuel safe. She knew about them all too well, but it was time to trust that Sam could take care of himself.

“I’m gonna wait for Sammy.” Lexi said. She wanted to apologize in private. Ash got the hint and kissed her daughter’s cheek before returning to the table. 

As Ashlyn sat down, Ali said, “Baby, listen to this.” 

Mackenzie was in the middle of answering a question about Sam’s leg.

“He said he’s open to try to find someone, or some other treatment.”

Ali had been worried about her son’s health for a while. “He doesn’t say anything to us about it. I feel like I have to drag it out of him. How bad is it?”

Mackenzie made a quick decision to just be honest about it, “Well, he didn’t ask me not to say anything so...” She answered. “It hurts him all the time. He says it’s tolerable. He really doesn’t complain about it. I have to ask him. He said he is able to keep from limping if he concentrates on walking normal. But his limp really come out when he’s tired, or if it’s hurting more than normal.

“I hate that it hurts him so much.” Ashlyn mumbled under her breath. 

“Me, too.” Mackenzie replied. “I think I convinced him to settle down a little and try to take it easy.”

“I’m glad to hear that.” Ali said. 

Charlie had been trying to be polite, but she was really worried about Lexi. She didn’t know what kind of conversation her fiancé had with her future mother-in-law, and she was wondering if she was upset. The fact that she hadn’t returned with Ashlyn didn’t help her concerns any.

“Sorry to interrupt...” Charlie said quietly to Ashlyn. “Is Lex ok?” 

The sound of concern in the woman’s voice brought a small smile to Ali’s lips. Her daughter had picked a good woman to marry.

“She’s fine. She stayed back to talk to Sam.” Ash answered. She felt she should give Mackenzie more of an explanation, “Lex is very protective of her brother. You’ve probably already figured that out. But that’s not what caused her to say what she said today. Sometimes she says things in a way that sounds different than what she meant. She didn’t mean to hurt his feelings, or make you uncomfortable.”

Ashlyn added, “She wanted to apologize to him before they joined us again for dinner.”

Mackenzie nodded and offered a smile. She wasn’t sure that Lexi’s motives were good, but she wanted to believe it was true.

“I’m gonna check on them.” Charlie said. She could have made up an excuse, but her intentions were obvious so she just decided to tell the truth.

Charlie, along with Lex and Sam, returned a few minutes later. Lexi had apologized, but Sam was feeling down on himself about the whole thing. He anticipated having to talk to Mackenzie about it later and her telling him that he was a terrible speller, even though she didn’t mind. He assumed that he would feel even more stupid and embarrassed by the end of the night. 

The drive home was easy. Mackenzie was sweet and positive. As Sam drove the long path from Mackenzie’s dad’s house to her house, he decided to talk about what was weighing on his mind. 

“Sorry about my sister.” 

Mackenzie wasn’t driving so she was able to study Samuel’s face. He seemed uncomfortable and ashamed.

“Sam, you don’t have to apologize for her. Your Mama explained that she didn’t mean anything negative...it just came out wrong.” Mackenzie replied. “You don’t need to feel bad about anything that was said.”

Samuel felt disgusted with himself. He had to ask. “Do you think I’m dumb?”

The question felt completely random and out of nowhere to Mackenzie. “Why would you even ask that?” She asked.

“Because I’m horrible at writing. Do you see my notes and think I’m an idiot, or really stupid?” Sam pulled into her driveway and put his truck in park. He looked down at his hands in his lap. He couldn’t bear to look at her face when he asked, “Do you laugh at me?”

“Hey...” Mackenzie spoke in a volume so soft, Samuel felt it more than he heard it. “When I read your notes...you know what I’m thinking?” She gently took Sam’s face in her hands and directed his eyes toward her own. “When I read your thoughtful, beautiful words...I’m thinking...I am so in love with you.”

“You love me?” Sam asked, in a tone of shock and disbelief. 

She sat up straight and with a bold voice, she said, “I love you.”

Samuel looked back down at his hands and then back up at her and replied, “And I love you.”

Mackenzie pulled his face towards her and the two shared a kiss like neither of them had ever felt before, because it meant more to them than any other kiss had ever meant before.

...

“What are you doing here?” Sam asked. He was sitting on his parents’ couch watching TV when his sister walked in.

Lexi answered, “Your girlfriend didn’t tell you?”

Sam’s confusion was obvious, so Lexi explained the reason she had stopped by. 

“I’m meeting her here. She said it would be too confusing for me to pick her up at her house.” 

Samuel was suspicious of his sister’s motives. “Why are you meeting her?”

“I told her that it would be good for us to get to know each other. She agreed. We’re going out to lunch and then we’re gonna hang out.” 

“Where’s Charlie?” Sam asked. He thought that if Charlie went along she would make sure Lexi didn’t get out of hand.

Lexi sighed loudly. She wasn’t upset with Samuel, she was upset that she had given Sam a reason to worry. Lex took a seat next to him and put her hand on his thigh. “Sam, I’m sorry about how things have been. I’m not here for any other reason but to be friends with Mackenzie.”

“I don’t believe you.” 

“I’m not an evil person, Sam.” Lexi replied. “Everyone seems to think I am, but I’m not.” She stood to her feet and walked toward the sliding glass doors that led to the back yard where she had spent countless hours playing with Samuel when they were kids. “Maybe you have forgotten that you have had a tough time with dating in the past.” She stared outside with her back turned toward her brother. “I’ve been there myself. I know it happens. But my point is...you’ve been hurt. You wear your heart on your sleeve and everyone else has no idea how kind you are. You’re sensitive, in the best possible way.”

She turned so that they were facing each other and said, “You’re probably the strongest of all of us, but you still need someone looking out for you. I know everyone keeps saying I need to trust you, and believe me, I do. I trust you more than anyone, but I will always be your big sister and best friend.” 

She turned back around and faced outside. She stared at the old oak tree that they had many times played underneath as children. “Do you remember when we were kids?” She asked. “Some boy pushed you down at school and made your nose bleed....” She started to tear up just thinking about it. “You were always so good. Mama had just talked to you about what it meant to be a super hero. She told you that you should only fight when absolutely necessary. You were too busy trying to be a hero and not hurt the stupid bully back...even though he deserved it.”

“So you beat him up instead.” Sam said with a slight laugh.

Lexi wiped at her eyes and said, “You’ve always been the super hero of the family, Sammy. And I’ve always worried that people would hurt you. Maybe I come on too strong, but you deserve someone looking out for your good, just like you do for everyone else.”

Sam heard Lexi speak again. “Everyone keeps telling me she’s amazing.” She said, referring to Samuel’s girlfriend. “So, I wanted to give her a chance. I want to be her friend.”

“You do?” Samuel asked. 

Lexi saw his reflection in the glass and she smiled. She walked back to him and sat down beside him and said, “I figure I owe you for stealing Charlie from me when we first started dating.”

“I did not steal her.” Sam laughed. 

It was good to hear him laugh.

“You did, too! You kept taking her to do things that I hated and didn’t want to do. So I was left to stay at home alone. I’m getting my revenge now.” Lexi threatened playfully.

The difference between Lexi and Sam was that he wasn’t the jealous type. He didn’t care. If Lex was serious about being friends with Mackenzie, then he was more than happy to be left out of their plans.

“What are you guys gonna go do?” Sam asked. 

Lexi genuinely smiled when she answered, “Shopping.”

“Oh, boy.” Sam replied. “Kenzie knows some good spots, but I’m not sure you can hang with her.” 

“Oh, please. Shopping is my specialty.”

“I guess we’ll see about that.” 

...

The next day Ashlyn was surprised by a visit from her son. She at first was irritated by the knock on her office door. She had given her assistant strict orders to make sure she had no interruptions. She had a lot of things she needed to get done and not enough time to do them.

Her irritation went away as soon as she saw her son’s handsome face.

“Sam-Bam! What are you doing here?” She asked. She stood from her desk chair and greeted him with an excited hug. Anytime any of her children stopped by it was a breath of fresh air for her. Her work life was always stressful. 

“Hey, Ma.” Sam replied. “I wanted to take you out to lunch. Are you free?”

Technically she wasn’t free. She was overwhelmed with work. Ashlyn had even cancelled her usual daily lunch date with her wife. She had told Ali that it would be too stressful for her to leave the office...but when the other half of Team Awesome gives an invitation, she always takes it.

“Absolutely!” She answered. 

Sam took her to a restaurant that his other mother wouldn’t approve of. The two of them had many secrets that Ali didn’t know about. Nothing too serious, of course. Unhealthy foods and risky adventures were the usual culprits.

“What’s on your mind, son?” Ash asked. 

Sam smiled at his mother. She always knew when he needed to talk. “I guess I have a couple of things on my mind.” He dipped several greasy fries in some BBQ sauce and stuffed them in his mouth. With a full mouth of food he said, “Did you know Lex and Kenze hung out yesterday?”

“No, I didn’t. How’d that go?” Ash asked. She assumed the worst.

“Kenzie said they had fun. She showed Lex a whole new level of shopping. I guess Lex found her wedding dress. Kenzie knows a designer or something and he is doing her a favor. Lex is getting a really good deal on a dress made just for her.”

“Wow, I bet Lexi loved that.”

Sam shrugged and replied, “Yeah, I guess.” He took a long sip from his soda and added, “At least they seem to get a long.”

“I think Lexi is really trying.” Ash added. 

Sam nodded and said, “Yeah. I think so, too.”

“So, uh...I had a talk with Kenzie’s dad yesterday.”

“Really?” Ash asked. She tried not to choke on the bite of burger she had in her mouth. She wondered where her adventurous, free-spirited son was going with this. For a moment she thought maybe he had asked for permission to marry Mackenzie. Thankfully for the sake of Ashlyn’s blood pressure, Sam explained further.

“He asked me what I was doing with my life...”

Ashlyn wanted to come to her son’s defense, but Samuel continued before she could.

“I guess he’s right. I mean, right now I’m just getting disability from the fire department for doing nothing.” 

“Bam, it’s not that simple.” Ash replied. She was not going to let her son feel bad about an injury that he received by being a hero. 

Samuel didn’t need a lecture from his mother, he already knew how she felt. “I feel like I need to move on. I can’t keep working with the fire department. They said they would try to find something for me, but it won’t be the same.”

“Bam, I don’t want you to feel anything but proud about who you are and what you’ve done in your life.” 

“That’s why I need to move on.” Sam replied. “It’s not like I need to provide for Kenzie, but talking to her dad made me realize that I want to be able to offer her something.”

“It sounds like you two are getting really serious. It’s not like you’re trying to marry her.” Ashlyn said. She couldn’t know, but she wondered if Mackenzie’s father had pressured Samuel into feeling this way.

“Ma, we are serious.” Sam answered. “I would marry her today, if I could.”

Ashlyn had been doing better than expected with her son’s new relationship until that point. But Sam’s confession blew her mind. “Son, are you crazy? You two barely know each other.”

“Ma, I’m not saying we’re getting married, I’m just saying that she’s the one. She’s really special.”

Sam could see that his mother was moments away from a major freak out. He threw a fry at her to get her attention and said, “Can I tell you the other thing I’ve been thinking about?”

Ashlyn shrugged, feeling completely overwhelmed and answered, “Sure.”

“What do you think about me working for you?”

Ashlyn didn’t respond the way Sam thought that she would. She broke down in tears right in front of him. He hurried to her side and took her in his arms.

“Ma, what is it? Why are you crying?” 

Ash rested her head into his strong chest and answered, “You have no idea how much it would mean to me to have you work with me.”

“Is that why you’re crying?” He asked. 

“Don’t tell your mother.” Ash joked. Ali was usually the emotional cryer of the family. “Bam, I love you so much...and I have been really worried about you. To have you want to work with me...I mean...” Ashlyn started to cry again. “We will be together every day.”

“Yeah, that’s the best part.” Sam added. 

It took a minute for Ash to calm down, but when she did she emphatically declared, “You’re hired!”

...

Ashlyn was excited about her newest employee. They hadn’t worked out all the details yet, but she knew his presence alone would be a godsend for her stress level. She convinced him to stick around long enough to give Ali the good news. 

Ali was talking to a well dressed man and a familiar woman. 

“That’s Kenzie’s dad.” Sam whispered to Ashlyn. He had stopped by with his daughter to check out his latest investment. 

Ali was almost relieved to see Ash and Sam. She was slightly intimidated by the man. 

“Ash...” Ali said, the moment they walked in. She left the man’s side and went straight for her wife. She pulled her toward Mackenzie’s father and said, “Ashlyn, this is Jack. Jack this is my wife, Ashlyn.”

The two shook hands and Sam stuck his out to shake and said, “Nice to see you again, sir.” 

Jack smiled at both of them and said, “My daughter talked me into stopping by.” He offered and apologetic smile to Ali and said, “I usually have my assistant set up an appointment first.”

Mackenzie grabbed her father’s arm and pulled him closer and said, “But daddy can’t say no to me.” 

The man lit up at the sound of his daughter’s voice. “That is very true.” He said. 

Ali thought it was the sweetest thing she had ever seen.

“We’ve taken too much of your time already.” Jack said to Ali. “You have important things you need to get back to.”

Mackenzie casually grazed Samuel’s hand as they walked by on their way out. Sam smiled at the contact, knowing that it was her way of letting him know she was glad to see him. The two of them had plans to meet later. He was looking forward to a little private time with her. It was becoming harder for the two of them to be apart. It seemed utterly ridiculous to them both, but their independent lives had completely changed. Now they wanted to share everything together. 

“Babe, guess what.” Ashlyn said excitedly, pulling Samuel out of his thoughts of his girlfriend.

Ali noticed that her wife was beaming. She seemed relieved.  
“What?” Ali asked with a big smile. 

Ashlyn gave her son a firm pat on the back and said, “You’re looking at my newest employee.” 

Ali moved her gaze from Ash to Sam. “Is that true, Samuel? Are you going to help out your Mama?” Ali thought it was a great idea. 

“I guess so.” Sam answered. He laughed and said, “Someone’s gotta whip that place into shape.”

Ali could not have planned a more perfect solution for her wife’s stress. Sam had had some recent struggles, but was starting to come back around. Samuel was usually the embodiment of pure joy. Ashlyn’s anxiety would be no match for his presence.

...

Ashlyn had volunteered to go with Ali to the grocery store after they were both finished with work. Ali usually handled the shopping on her own, but Ashlyn was feeling sentimental and wanted to tag along, just so she could be close to her wife. 

Ali didn’t question it. Ash hated shopping. If she wanted to go along with her, then she wouldn’t argue.

“Baby, which one?” Ali asked. She held up two different cantaloupes. 

Ash shrugged. She did not care one little bit. “Whatever you think is best.”

“Ashlyn, I usually have to guess about what you like. Now you’re here.” Ali replied. She held the melons out again and asked, “Which one?”

Ashlyn pretended to take her time to make the decision. She tapped her chin and took each melon from her wife to make it look like she was inspecting it carefully. She hummed for a moment as if she was deep in thought, debating which would be best. She finally tapped on one that she randomly picked and said, “This one.”

Ali knew her wife well. “You are such a faker, but you’re a cute faker.” Ali then proceeded to put the opposite melon in their grocery cart. She signaled for Ash to push the cart while she continued to go down the list of items needed. Ash followed dutifully behind.

After several minutes of comfortable silence, Ali realized that she was focusing a little to much on her task of grocery shopping and not enough on her wife. She slowed her shopping pace and said, “I bet you’re feeling pretty good right now about Samuel.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Ash replied. She didn’t sound very enthusiastic.

“What’s wrong?” Ali asked. “You should be thrilled. Our sweet Sammy is going to be working with you.”

Ash stopped the cart and Ali stopped with her. “I am happy about that...”

“But...” Ali said, knowing that there was more to the story. 

“But...” Ash said. “Sam is talking about marriage already.’

Ali’s jaw dropped. “What was that?” She asked. “Because I thought you said that our baby boy is talking about getting married to a girl he just met.” 

“That’s exactly what I said, Alex.” Ash replied. “Now your brain is where my brain has been since he told me at lunch.” Ashlyn could practically see her wife’s brain trying to work through the information that it had just received. In her desire to put Ali’s mind at ease she remembered something from their past.

Ashlyn squeezed her wife’s arm to get her attention back and asked, “Hey, remember when we first met?”

Ali looked at her like she was out of her mind.

“I probably would have married you on the spot if you would have let me.” Ash said. She watched the corners of her wife’s mouth rise. 

Ali stepped into Ashlyn until their bodies were slightly touching. “If anyone deserves the kind of love I have with you, it’s Samuel.” Ali said sweetly. 

“Love is scary, isn’t it?” Ash said. “Our Sam-Bam is in for a wild ride.”

...

“What are you doing here, dummy?” Sam asked. He had just opened his girlfriend’s front door to find his sister.

He heard a voice from behind him say, “Sam, that’s not nice.” Mackenzie was an only child and the art of sibling rivalry and trash talk didn’t make any sense to her.

Lexi whispered so Mackenzie couldn’t hear, “Yeah, idiot. Be nice.”

Sam ignored his sister and asked, “Kenze, why is she here?” 

Mackenzie laughed and answered, “I told you earlier that she was coming over. You must have been a little distracted.”

Sam thought back about what they were doing earlier and saw how he could have definitely been too distracted to hear what his girlfriend had told him. 

“Oh.” He replied with a cocky grin.

Kenzie wagged her eyebrows and gave him a light tap on his backside. “We’re gonna look at pictures of her dress. I’m sure you wouldn’t be interested.”

“I’m sure you’re right.” Sam replied.

Mackenzie put both arms around his waist and gave him a quick hug before whispering, “Don’t forget your medicine.” 

“Yeah, yeah.” He replied. He kissed the top of her head and said, “I’ll let you girls do whatever girly thing you girls do.”

Mackenzie shook her head at him. As she led Lexi to her office where her computer was she yelled back towards Samuel, “Don’t forget.”

Lexi couldn’t help it. She had to ask. “Don’t forget what?” 

Mackenzie didn’t want to snitch on her boyfriend...especially to his over protective sister. 

“I know there’s something.” Lexi said, trying to encourage the woman to spill.

“It’s just your brother being stubborn about taking his pain medication. He will not take it unless he knows I’m watching him.” Mackenzie explained.

“He’s stubborn about those kind of things.” Lexi replied. “I don’t know why. I think maybe he feels that it means he’s weak if he doesn’t deal with the pain on his own. He’s ridiculous.”

“It keeps him up at night. When he comes here I make him take it and then he ends up falling asleep because he’s so tired.” Mackenzie explained. “I don’t have the heart to get mad at him. I just want him to feel better.”

Lexi narrowed her eyes at her brother’s girlfriend and shook her head. This caused Kenzie to worry that she had said something offensive or stupid. 

She was relieved when she heard Lexi say, “You may be the kindest person I’ve ever met.”

Once the two women were finished gushing over Lexi’s wedding dress, they found Samuel just as Mackenzie had predicted. He was passed out on her couch. Kenzie softly caressed his arm and gently woke him up. 

She tenderly whispered, “You should get up and lay down in my bed.”

Lexi wasn’t trying to eavesdrop, but she heard every word. It was still strange for her to think about her brother as someone’s boyfriend. And she really didn’t want to think about him sharing a bed with someone. 

“Lexi, I’ll be right back.” Mackenzie said. She helped Sam up. He was drowsy from the sleepless night before and also because it was a side effect of his pain medication. Kenzie helped him into bed and gave him a kiss. She whispered, “I love you.” He was too out of it to respond, and she knew he wouldn’t remember, but she felt an overwhelming urge to tell him how she felt.

It took several minutes for Mackenzie to return to Lexi. When she did, she had changed her clothes. Lexi recognized one piece of clothing immediately. 

“Is that Sam’s shirt?” She asked. She was surprised that it still existed.

Kenzie blushed a little when she answered, “He found it at your parents’ house. It’s from when he was in middle school. Can you believe that it fits me?” 

“He was a big boy.” Lexi answered with a laugh. “By the time he was in junior high he was already bigger than Jacob.”

Mackenzie confessed, “I kept stealing his clothes. I would only wear them around the house because they’re way too big. So when he found this one, he thought it might fit better.” She laughed thinking about it. “I like them because they smell like him.” 

As soon as the words left Mackenzie’s mouth she regretted them. She felt embarrassed and silly.

“You’ve fallen hard, girl.” Lexi replied sympathetically. She couldn’t believe how much she had come to like her little brother’s girlfriend. 

...

Lexi and Kenzie hung out for about an hour before they heard a loud thud and a cry of pain from Samuel. Both women quickly left to investigate what had happened. Samuel had somehow fallen out of bed. He was face down on the floor, but his leg was still wrapped up in a blanket and the rest of him was hanging off the bed. 

He was in an awkward position that Lexi would have thought was funny, if it wasn’t for the fact that she could see that her brother was in a great amount of pain.

“How can I help?” Mackenzie asked. She started to roll him over to his back but it twisted his injured leg more. He begged for her to stop. 

Lexi put her hand on the hip of his leg that was wrapped up, and gave it a pat while saying, “Sammy, try to relax. I’m gonna need your help to release your leg.”

Lexi gave him instructions on how to adjust his position on the floor to make it easier for her to remove his leg. It hurt, but it hurt a lot less once it was over. While Sam’s sister dealt with the task of releasing him, Sam’s girlfriend offered comfort and encouragement. 

The two women bonded further by taking him to the hospital to get checked out.

Samuel was sent home with a pair of crutches and a pair of women who were now his self-proclaimed nurses. Between Lexi and Mackenzie, there wasn’t a moment where he wasn’t taken care of and absolutely spoiled.


	257. A Hard Fall (Part Two)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a FLASHFORWARD chapter.

Jacob sarcastically clapped his hands as he entered his younger brother’s room. “Well done.” He said. 

“What?” Sam asked. He had recently returned from a trip to the emergency room. His girlfriend and sister brought him to his parents’ house where he had been staying.

“My wife told me what you did.”

“What are you talking about?” Sam asked. His brother had completely caught him off guard. He thought maybe he had come over to make fun of him for breaking his leg again by falling out of bed.

“I’m talking about the fact that Rachel found out from your doctor that you were supposed to be using crutches since your last surgery.” Jake answered. 

“Rachel isn’t supposed to be talking about my medical information with people.” Samuel replied.

Jacob was frustrated with his younger brother. “She’s not the one who’s to blame here, Sam. You’re being stupid.” Jake said. “And if you even think about getting mad, or saying anything to my wife to make her feel bad, I’m gonna kick your butt. You may think you’re too big for me to beat up, but even you aren’t dumb enough to challenge me right now.” 

Samuel was told he would need another surgery to stabilize his leg. Until he got the surgery, he wouldn’t be able to put any weight on it. His brother’s threats were valid this time around.

“And one more thing...” Jacob added, “I’m telling Mom.”

...

Once news got out that Samuel had ignored doctor's orders, it spread like wild fire. Every single member of Sam’s family, besides Jamie, lectured him about it. It wasn’t until the baby of the family showed up that Samuel finally got the message.

“Hey, Bam.” Jamie said. He slid next to his big brother in his bed. 

Sam replied using the nickname he had given him when they were kids, “Hey, Jam-Pow.” 

“I brought you something.” Jamie said. He dug in his pocket and pulled out a bottle of medication.

Samuel did not approve. Was his brother giving him illegal pain medication?

“What’s this?” Sam asked. He examined the bottle and saw it had his little brother’s name on it. 

“That’s my depression medicine.” Jamie answered. He had struggled with depression most of his life. 

Samuel was confused. He gave him the bottle back and said, “I don’t want this. You need to take these.”

Jamie shrugged and said, “I don’t want to take them anymore.”

Sam was worried about his little brother. He knew how important it was for him to take his anti-depression medicine. Jamie had overcome suicidal thoughts and the desire to cut himself in the past. His medication and commitment to do all that he could to fight was a big reason why he was successful in that battle. 

“Jame, you have to take your medicine. It’s important that you do.” Sam encouraged.

Jamie just shrugged and said, “I don’t feel like I need to take it anymore.”

“Jamie, it’s not about how you feel. You need to take it. Your doctor knows better than you.”

Jamie smiled at him and said, “I’m just following your example, big brother. You know me. I’ve always thought of you as my hero.”

“You’re killing me...” Sam sighed. He handed his brother his medication and said, “I hear ya.”

“Promise to be a good patient from now on?” Jamie asked.    
Samuel laughed and tousled his baby brother’s hair before he answered, “I promise.”

...

“Ready, bub?” Ash asked. It was Samuel’s first day of work with his Mama. 

“Almost.” Sam answered. 

He was hopping around his parents’ kitchen. Ali had made them breakfast and he was the last to get up. His parents had taught him to always rinse his plate before leaving it in the sink to be washed. He hopped on one leg back to the table where he had left his crutches.

“Your Mom had to leave early for work, so it’s just you and me today.” Ash informed. The couple tried to ride to work together whenever their schedules would allow. It was one of the many perks of working in buildings so close to one another.

The mention of his other mother made Sam remember, “Kenze and I are getting lunch today. I know you and Mom usually get lunch.”

“Bam, you’re more than welcome to join us.”

“Oh, I know. But Kenzie wants to check up on me and make sure my new boss isn’t a big jerk.” Sam joked. 

Ashlyn laughed and held the door open for her injured son. On the way to work Samuel told Ashlyn about his conversation with Jamie. Ash was proud of her youngest child for coming up with the perfect way to convince Samuel to make better decisions about his health. 

Samuel had helped Ashlyn out at work before. He practically grew up there. When he was little he used to beg his mother to take him to work with her. He almost felt like it was a second home to him. The two of them worked effortlessly together. The only thing slowing Sam down on his first day of work was his leg...and he absolutely hated it.

...

“How’s it going?” Mackenzie asked. The two of them were sitting next to each other in a booth at a local deli. Samuel had his leg propped up and his girlfriend’s hand in his lap.

Sam laughed and said, “Ma asked me what I want to do, and how much I want to get paid. It’s the easiest first day ever.”

“Not bad.” Kenzie replied. She was happy her boyfriend was having a good day because she had something important to talk to him about. “Can I show you something?” She asked. 

“Sure.” Sam answered. 

Sam’s girlfriend pulled out her iPad and showed him some of the research she had been doing recently. “There’s a surgeon in Italy who has been doing some amazing things.” She explained. “I talked to Rachel and she thinks he might be able to help you.”

Mackenzie felt Samuel’s body stiffen next to her. She knew he didn’t like the change of subject, but he cared too much about her to complain and risk hurting her feelings.

Mackenzie nudged him with her shoulder and said, “I know you don’t want to talk about it, but I think it’s time we take a more proactive approach.”

Sam stayed quiet, so Mackenzie continued to argue her point. 

“There’s a whole world of options out there, babe. We just need to find them, and figure out what’s the best one for you.”

Samuel still had no response. 

“Sam, I don’t want to add to the lectures that you’ve been getting lately about taking care of yourself. I simply want to help you find out real options that may help you. If you say so, I’ll let it go...but you need to know that the reason I’m concerned and trying to help is because I love you.”

Sam cleared his throat and said, “But what if it doesn’t work?” In his mind, there wasn’t much hope left for him to ever have normal, pain free use of his right leg. 

“Then we’ll keep trying.” 

“Kenze, I don’t want to disappoint you, but I’ve been down this road before.” 

Mackenzie put her iPad away and replied, “And now there are other roads to take. I’m not going to pressure you, but I’m also not going to pretend to agree with you. There are still options. It’s your decision whether or not you give them a chance.”

“So, say that I try this guy in Italy...does that mean we have to fly him out here, or do I go there?” Sam asked.

“I can take care of all of that. I’m sure my dad would let us use his jet.”

Samuel couldn’t help but laugh. “Your dad has a jet?” It sounded absurd.

“Don’t make fun of me.” Mackenzie replied playfully. Sam often teased her about how different some aspects of their lives were. “By the way, my dad has two private jets.” She added with a smile. She poked Sam’s side and said, “But the only reason any of that matters is because it means we can help you.”

That was some reasoning that was hard form Samuel to argue with.

“If you want to talk to that guy, I guess it’s ok.”

That was Samuel’s way of saying that he was open to his girlfriend and sister-in-law taking matters into their own hands and working to help him find another chance at fixing his leg.

...

“Ma, you should go home. I can finish up here.” Sam said. Ashlyn was trying to do too much, as usual.

Ashlyn stifled a chuckle and replied, “Bam, that’s sweet. But we rode here together. If you stay, I stay.” 

“Actually...” Sam answered, “Kenze is picking me up, so you don’t need to wait for me.” He smiled wide. His mother couldn’t say no to his charm. 

“You sure, Bam?” Ash asked. “I don’t want to push you too hard on your first day.”

“Ma, this is why I’m here. I want to help you.” Sam answered. “You should go take your woman to dinner, or something.”

Ashlyn had to laugh. “Let’s not tell your mother you called her ‘woman.’ She’ll blame me.”

After sharing a quick laugh regarding the fact that Sam used to call Ali ‘woman’ when he was little, and it would always get Ashlyn in trouble, Ashlyn asked again, “You sure about this?” 

“Positive.” Sam answered. 

Ash took a moment to get her things together and explain to Sam what needed to happen for things to run smoothly. She hugged her son and said, “Love you. Call me if you need anything.”

“I will.”

Ash took a deep breath and scanned the area for some kind of excuse to stay and work. She couldn’t find any good reason. “Ok, well...” Ash said with a bit of hesitation. “I love you. See you at home.”

Samuel knew his mother was struggling with leaving. “Ma, you can trust me. No worries. Go be with Mom. You two deserve to have some fun.”

“I know you’re right. And I really do trust you, but it’s a new thing for me to leave when there are still things that need to be done.”

“I know, Ma.” Sam said. He tried to sound sympathetic, but his mother saw right through him. He handed his mother her bag and said, “See ya later.” 

...

Ali shared another kiss with her wife and mumbled into Ashlyn’s lips, “This is nice.” 

“Mm hmm.” Ash hummed. She wasn’t in the mood to talk.

“You should’ve hired Sammy years ago.”

“Shhh...” Ashlyn replied, right before carrying Ali to their bedroom.

...

“Hey, Handsome.” Samuel heard his girlfriend say in a flirty voice. 

She had come to pick him up for dinner. He gave her a quick tour of his new place of employment and then followed behind her to her car. Due to his most recent injury, he was no longer able to drive until his doctor released him. Sam tried to convince everyone that he could drive with his left foot, but no one went for that idea. He had promised his little brother that he would be a more compliant patient and follow doctor’s orders. Otherwise, he might have tried harder to make his case. 

It also didn’t hurt that his chauffeur was, in his opinion, the most beautiful woman in the world. 

After dinner, Mackenzie and Sam spent some time on Ash and Ali’s front porch. There was a lot of kissing involved, as well as cuddling. They made good use out of the old porch swing that had been there for years. 

Samuel played with the zipper on his girlfriend’s jacket. He was starting to get nervous. He needed to talk to Mackenzie about something that had been bothering him since they had lunch together. Sam knew that their night together would soon come to an end. He couldn’t put it off any longer.

“So, I wanted to talk to you about something.” 

Mackenzie used both hands to stop Samuel’s fidgeting hands. “Relax. What’s up?”

Sam took a deep breath. He let it out very slowly and said, “I’ve been thinking about the fancy doctor guy that you found. I feel like I wouldn’t feel right about using your Dad’s jet to go to him, or have him fly out here.”

“Sam, it’s not a big deal.”

“It’s not a big deal to you, but to the rest of the world it’s a big deal. I feel like I’d be taking advantage of you and your dad. I can’t do it.” Samuel replied.

Mackenzie had to bite her tongue. She had felt like she had won a huge victory in getting Sam to agree to get treatment from someone who she felt could really help him. She couldn’t understand his stubbornness. 

“What about earlier?” Mackenzie asked. “You said you would give it a try. Your health and quality of life are way more important than the means by which you get there.”

“Kenze, you don’t understand. I’m not trying to be difficult. I’m trying to be a good guy.” 

Kenzie was frustrated and disappointed. Her whole heart was set on helping Sam get better. “What you’re doing is treating me differently because of money.” Mackenzie wanted to cry, but held back. “I just want to help you, but you won’t accept my help because of money.” She stood from her seat next to Sam and started to walk back to her car. She turned around halfway there and said, “You promised me you wouldn’t treat me differently. You promised.”

Samuel didn’t say a word. He didn’t know what to say. He could see her point, but it didn’t change the way he felt. Mackenzie left, leaving both of them feeling uncertain about where the other stood. 

Sam reached for his crutches and made his way inside. Both of his parents seemed overjoyed to see him. 

“Sweetheart, you’re home.” Ali announced. “Have you eaten?”

“Kenze and I got dinner.” Sam answered. He tried to sound normal, but he was feeling pretty bad about things with his girlfriend.

Ali and Ash had been watching TV, while cuddling on the couch. Ali jumped up from her seat and quickly approached her son. Samuel thought his mother was acting a little strange. Giddy might be a better way to explain her mood.

“Sammy, you are my hero.” She wrapped him up in a hug and said, “You are a life saver. I’ve never seen your Mama so relaxed.” 

Sam peaked around his mother and saw Ashlyn smiling back at him. She nodded her head and waved. He returned her nod and wave and said, “I’m stuffed and tired.” It was the only excuse he could think of to excuse himself for the night. “I’m gonna lay down. I’m glad you’re having a good night.” 

...

The next morning when Ash and Sam drove to work, Ashlyn noticed her son didn’t seem himself.

“You feeling ok, Bam?” She asked. 

He had made up a story, planning to tell his mother that he had eaten some bad chicken the night before. But he knew she would know he was lying.

“Kenzie and I kinda got into a fight, I guess.” He answered honestly.

Ash heard the sadness in her son’s voice and asked, “What happened?”

He answered, “If it’s ok...I’d rather not talk about it.”

Ashlyn really wanted to know why her son was upset, but she wasn’t going to pressure him into having a conversation he didn’t want to have.

“You don’t have to say anything, Bam.”

Ashlyn changed the subject and talked about what the two of them had ahead of them at work. 

...

Ashlyn was the first to see her. It was time for lunch and she was expecting to see her wife, instead she saw Mackenzie walk through the door.

The two women shared a small, understanding smile. Ash nodded toward her office where Sam was alone, eating his lunch. Ashlyn, of course, had invited him to go with her and Ali, but he told her he would prefer to be alone.

When Ashlyn’s office door opened, he assumed it was his mother. 

Mackenzie’s voice caught him off guard.

“Hey.”

Samuel looked up from his sandwich and met his girlfriend’s sad eyes. 

Kenzie walked toward him and said, “So, I know you’re probably mad at me, and I want you to know that I’m really sorry.”

Samuel was never angry at Mackenzie, but he didn’t know how to say what he was feeling. His silence made his girlfriend feel like she had really messed things up.

“Look Sam, I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to push you. If you feel a certain way, I should respect that.” She stood a few feet away from him, with her hands behind her back anxiously waiting for Samuel to respond. 

“I’m not mad.” Sam said softly. “I’m not really sure how I feel.”

“Can I give you a hug?” Mackenzie asked nervously.

Sam could never say no to that. “Since when do you have to ask to hug me?” He answered. 

Mackenzie wasn’t usually one to hold back affection, but at the time she wasn’t sure Sam would want it. When she heard his response, she helped him balance as he stood up and wrapped her arms around his waist, pressing her forehead against his chest. Samuel felt her body begin to shake as the front of his shirt became wet with her tears.

“Please don’t cry.” He begged. “I’m not mad.” 

Mackenzie held tighter to Samuel and said, “I don’t like feeling so far away from you.”

“I know what you mean.” Sam answered. That was exactly how he was feeling. He couldn’t find the words to explain it, but knew right away that his girlfriend was feeling the same thing he was.

...

When Ali arrived to meet her wife for lunch, Ash filled her in on the situation happening in her office. It was all Ali could do to keep from pressing her ear against the door and listening in on her son’s conversation. 

“Why are they fighting?” Ali asked. She suddenly had no inclination to leave to get lunch.

Ashlyn laughed and answered, “I don’t know, Alex. He said he didn’t want to talk about it.”

“And you didn’t try to get any details at all?” 

Ashlyn’s laughter got louder. “Babe, for real you. You are too much.”

“Ash, you can get him to tell you anything. Are you telling me you didn’t even try?”

“Alex, I told you he said he didn’t want to talk about it. Why would I pressure him?”

“Because it’s not about pressuring him, it’s about helping him.” Ali was confident in her logic. Their boy needed his mother’s help.

“Yeah, but sometimes helping means not helping.”

Ali shook her head in disagreement and said, “That doesn’t even make sense.”

“Oh, it does.” Ash replied. She took her wife’s hand and said, “Let’s go.” She gestured toward her office and added, “They’ll figure things out on their own.”

...

“You hungry?” Sam asked. He opened his mother’s bottom desk drawer. Once he moved a few things that Ash had put in place to hide her junk food contraband from Ali, he revealed the secret stash.

Mackenzie answered, “I’m not going to steal your mother’s food.” She slid her hand around her boyfriend’s waist and asked, “Can I take you out? I know that you are still hungry.” She smiled and added, “You are always hungry.”

“It’ll need to be quick.” Sam answered. “I need to be back in twenty minutes.”

“We can make it.” She patted Sam’s stomach and said, “I know the perfect place.”

Sam followed his girlfriend to her car and stopped with his hand on the handle of the passenger side door, when he saw his girlfriend open her trunk. He started to laugh when she revealed that she had brought a pizza. 

“I bought this, hoping that we would have time to eat it. I wasn’t sure how long it would take for you to forgive me.” Kenzie explained. 

“I already told you I wasn’t mad. I don’t need to forgive you for anything.” Sam replied.

Mackenzie waited until the two of them were sitting on a nearby bench with the pizza between them, before saying, “I wanted to talk to you about something.” 

Samuel felt like they had just gotten back to normal. The tone of his girlfriend’s statement made him a little anxious. 

“I talked to my dad last night. I told him what you said.” Mackenzie started to explain. 

Samuel didn’t like the sound of that. “What did I say?” Sam asked. 

“About you not wanting to take advantage of me, and turning down my offer to use his jet to see the surgeon.” 

 

“What’d he say?” Sam asked.

“He thought you were right...” Mackenzie noticed a smirk start to develop onto Sam’s lips. “...and he said that I was also right.” She added with a smile. “My dad has always said that we need to use our wealth to help people. But he has also warned me about becoming close to people who try to use me for what our wealth can bring to them.”

“I’m glad he understands.” Sam replied.

Mackenzie wore a cocky grin when she added, “He understands, but he also came up with a solution.”

She leaned across the space between them and nudged Sam’s shoulder before explaining more. “My dad said that if we schedule the meeting with the doctor during a time when he has business in the area, then you can tag along for the trip. That way it won’t cost anything extra.”

Mackenzie could tell that Sam was debating in his mind if he would go along with the new idea.

She explained further. “It would be like a really fun date night.” 

“I guess that would be ok.” Samuel agreed. 

Mackenzie went in for a celebratory kiss and added a fist pump behind Sam’s back.

...

It took about two weeks for everything to line up, but the day had finally come. Mackenzie and Rachel would accompany Samuel to Italy to meet with the world renown surgeon that they hoped could help. 

Rachel did most of the talking with her fellow doctor, but Samuel was beginning to feel like maybe things could get better after all. 

The day before they left to return home, Samuel made a stupid joke about catching an Italian virus from a thirsty dog they had met earlier that day. He shared his water bottle with the dog and a few sloppy kisses with him before moving on. His girlfriend and sister-in-law thought he was both sweet and disgusting.

...

An unexpected call from Jacob woke Ashlyn and Ali up in the middle of the night. His wife had called him in a panic. 

Their plane had to make an emergency landing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little bit of drama for you.


	258. A Hard Fall (Part Three)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a FLASHFORWARD chapter.
> 
> Sorry for the long wait.

They had to take two cars to fit the entire family. Jacob drove one car, and Charlie the other. It was faster for the family to drive the three hours it took to get to the hospital where Samuel, Mackenzie, and Rachel were, than to wait for a flight.

There was no way they were going to wait any longer than they had to to get to the rest of their family.

...

_TWO DAYS EARLIER_

_“You’re like...super sweaty.” Mackenzie said as she wiped her boyfriend’s brow. “Are you nervous about today?”_

_“A little.” Sam answered honestly. “What if he can’t help me?”_

_“There’s only one way to find out.” She replied. With both hands she brought Samuel’s open hand to her lips and placed a kiss on his palm. “Thank you for doing this. The worst thing that could happen is that he says he can’t do anything. Thank you for holding on to hope.”_

_“Anything for you.” Sam answered._

_He meant it with all of his heart. He was beginning to believe that maybe he had finally found someone that could love him just the way he was. There were still some insecurities that needed to be worked through, but Mackenzie made him feel better than he had ever felt before._

...

“Ash, where’s Jamie?” Ali asked. They had stopped at a gas station to fill up and their youngest son had left to use the bathroom.

“He said he’ll be right back.” Ash answered.    
When Jamie returned after just a few minutes, Ali was yelling at him to hurry.

“Mom, I had to pee!” He replied in his defense. “I’m sorry but I drank an entire two liter of root beer on the way.”

Ash appreciated her son’s confession. It made her feel like some part of their lives was still normal. “Jame, it’s ok. But please help your Mom stay sane and get back in the car.”

Once they had gotten gassed up and Jamie emptied his bladder, they made it to the small hospital in record time.

...

_ONE DAY EARLIER_

_Samuel woke up with an annoying cough. He had been coughing all morning and made a dumb joke about catching a cold from a stray dog they had met while they had been sightseeing._

_By dinner he was happy they were going home the next day. He was feeling like maybe he really did catch something while they were out the day before._

_The next day when they had boarded the plane, he felt strange. He felt nervous. He had flown hundreds of times. Due to his parents profession, he was flying on planes before he could talk. He felt his heart rate rise, and his breath shorten. He hid it as long as he could. He felt embarrassed when he first reported the symptoms to Rachel. She took his pulse and began to feel a sense of dread wash over her too. His symptoms had become obvious to her._

_Rachel instructed Mackenzie to try her best to keep Sam comfortable and calm. She left to talk to the pilot to find out what they could do to get him to a hospital as soon as possible. The pilot asked if they could wait to get to their local airport. Rachel insisted that they land at the nearest runway. After discussing the situation with Mackenzie, they had arranged for a helicopter to meet them and fly them to the nearest trauma center._

...

PRESENT DAY

Rachel met her family in the parking lot of the hospital where Samuel had been taken.

“He’s stable.” She said to everyone, as her husband pulled her into a tight hug. He knew that she would put on a strong and professional face, but underneath she was just as worried about Samuel as everyone else.

Ali was the second person to embrace her. “What happened, Rachel?”

“It’s called a pulmonary embolism.” Rachel replied. “It happens sometimes.” She cleared her throat nervously and explained, “I should have read the symptoms better. Blood clots can travel from a leg fracture to the lungs and heart. Sam has clots in his lungs. It’s making it difficult for him to breathe.”

“Is he gonna be ok?” Jamie and Bella asked in unison.

Rachel gave a halfhearted smile and answered, “For someone his age, the odds greatly increase. It isn’t something to be taken lightly, but I think he should be ok.”

“Can we see him?” Lexi interrupted.

Lex had been tightly sandwiched in a hug between Ashlyn and Charlie while Rachel was informing the family of Sam’s medical status. She couldn’t stand to keep quiet any longer. She needed to get to her little brother.

“Of course...” Rachel said. With Jacob’s hand in her’s she led the group quickly through the hallways and elevators that led to Sam’s room. When they arrived at the door she warned, “He’s really weak and exhausted. He has been given some medicine that will help thin his blood and hopefully keep the clots from getting worse. He’s also been given medication for chest pain he’s been experiencing due to inflammation. Remember, he is stable. He may not look good, but he’s on the right track to getting better.”

Rachel was trying to sound optimistic, but everyone noticed she was worried.

Upon opening the door, they found Mackenzie leaning over him, crying. He was too out of it to know that she, or anyone else, was there. She kissed his forehead repeatedly and whispered something that no one could hear. When she saw Samuel’s family had arrived she backed away from him to give them room. Everyone hovered over Sam-Bam and was so focused on him that they didn’t notice Kenzie had slipped out of the room.

It took almost two hours of waiting and praying before Sam seemed alert enough to recognize where he was and who was around him.

The first words his family heard him say was, “Where’s Kenze?” His words were slow and he breathed heavily between syllables.

“Sweetheart, how are you feeling?” Ali asked.

She was sitting next to him with the rest of the family. They had all pulled chairs around his bed. Lexi sat next to Ashlyn on the other side of the bed. She shared a seat with her fiancé. There were enough chairs for her to have her own, but she chose to sit in her lap. The feeling of having Charlie’s arms around her, made everything feel a little less overwhelming.

Before Samuel spoke, the room had been mostly silent. The sound of Sam’s struggle to breathe had captivated everyone’s attention.The air felt thick with apprehension of what was to come. They had never seen Samuel look so weak.

Samuel tried to catch his breath enough to ask again, “Where’s Mackenzie?”

He had searched the concerned faces around him and his girlfriend was nowhere to be found. Unlike his other visits to the hospital in the past, his family’s presence didn’t feel like enough anymore.

Lexi pursed her lips when she heard her brother ask a second time. She kissed Charlie’s cheek and shared a secret with her before she excused herself from the room. Her parents shared a concerned look, but couldn’t worry about their daughter at the moment. Samuel needed them.

“I’m sure she’ll be back soon. She was here when we got here. Maybe she had some things she needed to take care of.” Ali answered. She tried to straighten out Sam’s messy, sweaty hair with her hand. “Sweetheart, how are you feeling?”

Samuel had asked twice about his girlfriend and failed to get the answer he was looking for. He knew that his family deserved his attention so he gave it to them.

“I guess I’m not feeling too good.” Sam replied slowly and out of breath.

While the family was waiting for Sam to wake up, Ali told everyone to stay quiet and not overwhelm him when he finally was conscious. They all wanted to hug him and be close to him, but they held back for his own good.

Sam surveyed the room again and when he didn’t see Mackenzie, there was a noticeable sadness that washed over him.

“Sammy, the doctor said you have a good chance at a full recovery.” Ali said. She was desperate to find something encouraging to say. The doctor, along with Rachel, made it clear that he wasn’t out of the woods yet. She wanted her son to remain hopeful.

Sam slightly nodded to show he understood. He wasn’t in the mood to talk. He closed his eyes and pretended to fall back to sleep. Ashlyn sensed that he needed to talk, but needed there to be a lot less people in the room.

“Alex, can I talk to you for a minute?” Ash asked. Her wife followed her into the hallway and left the family behind.

“I think we need to give him some privacy.” Ash said.

Ali replied adamantly, “Ashlyn, I am not leaving him alone.”

Ashlyn wasn’t certain how her idea would be received by her wife, who also happened to be the greatest mother in the world, but she said it anyway. “I think you need to let me talk to him alone.”

Ali wasn’t offended. She agreed completely once she thought about it. She would never deny her wife’s special connection with Samuel.

“Of course.” Ali answered. “I think you’re right.”

The women came up with an excuse, and Ali told the rest of the family that she needed their help with picking up dinner. It was obviously not a good reason, but no one questioned her.

They left just as Ashlyn put the railing of Sam’s hospital bed down and sat down next to her son.

“Bam, I hope you don’t mind...” She said. He was still pretending to sleep, but was close to finding out that Ashlyn knew he was awake. “I had everyone leave because I want to talk to you in private.”

Sam opened one eye and made his mother smile. She still saw her adorable little sidekick when she looked into his eyes...or eye in this case.

He opened both eyes and said, “How’d you know I didn’t feel like talking with everyone around?”

“Lucky guess.” Ash answered.

Sam laughed and coughed as he said, “Yeah, right. You know me well.”

“You’re my best bud. My shadow.” Ashlyn said. She first tried to sound happy and make a joke about him being her shadow, but it turned into her realizing how close she was, and maybe still is, to losing her Sam-Bam.

“Ma, don’t cry.” Sam said and wiped a tear that had spilled from her eye. “I’ll be ok.”

“I know.” Ash replied, trying to sound confident in her response. “What did you want to talk about?” Ashlyn asked. She thought a change of subject would be the only way she could keep from falling apart.

“You mean, what DIDN’T I want to talk about?” Sam joked with an exhausted smile.

He managed to get a real smile from his mother. “You know what I meant!” She answered back with a light pinch of his arm to make her point.

Sam took a few moments to catch his breath from the laughter that his mother had inspired. Ashlyn felt a little bad about making her son gasp for air, but at the same time it was encouraging to see him smile.

“I wanted to ask about Mackenzie.” Sam said slowly. “I’m really worried about her.”

Ashlyn thought what was bothering Samuel had something to do with his girlfriend, but she didn’t think there was cause to worry about her.

Sam continued, “She probably blames herself for this.”

Ashlyn could understand that. She didn’t blame Mackenzie, but she could see how the kind woman might feel that way.

Samuel added in a way that sounded like it was a random thought, but it was something he had been thinking about for a while more than anyone could have guessed, “I don’t have anything to offer her. She should find someone better.”

“Sam, there is no one on this earth that is better than you.” Ashlyn replied with conviction. “And I’m not just saying that because you’re my son.”

“No, you’re saying that because I’m your best bud.” Sam joked. “Ma, think about it. I’m not the smartest person, I can’t sit in an office and make a bunch of money shuffling papers. And I used to always be able to rely on my athleticism and strength, but now I can barely breathe and sometimes I can hardly walk. She literally can afford to get everything she could ever want. She doesn’t need me. I add no value to her life.”

Ashlyn began to understand that there was much more going on with her son than a health issue. “Bam, you add value to every single person’s life that you’ve ever been in contact with. You are that kind of person. It’s who you are, and not what you can do, that makes you invaluable. Some of these things that you’re struggling with might change, some might not, but either way you’re the same amazing person that you’ve always been. I’m confident that Mackenzie knows that.”

“She’d be better off without me.” Sam mumbled. Ashlyn’s encouragement wasn’t enough to change his mind. “She was so scared...and I couldn’t do anything to help her.”

...

“Here you are!” Lexi exclaimed when she saw Samuel’s girlfriend sitting in a small pew in the hospital chapel.

Kenzie jumped at the unexpected voice. She had been deep in thought and prayer over Samuel.

“Sam’s been asking for you.” Lexi said in a quieter voice.

At the sound of her boyfriend’s name she started to cry uncontrollably. Lexi wasn’t used to being the calm one, but in this case she didn’t have a choice. She took a seat next to Mackenzie and wrapped her up in a hug. She held her for several minutes until she had settled down.

Mackenzie reached for a folded up piece of paper from beside her and handed it to Lexi. “Here.” Mackenzie said. “Please give this to him.”

“What is this?” Lexi asked. She didn’t like the sound of the request. Why couldn’t Mackenzie give it to him herself?

“I lied to him.” She replied. “I explained it all in the letter. I lied and it’s because of me that he almost died. I hurt him...and now I can’t live with myself.”

Lexi knew that Mackenzie wasn’t planning to stick around. She changed from calm, supportive friend to angry, protective sister.

“You’re leaving him?” Lexi said as more of a statement than a question. “My brother is laying in a hospital bed, barely able to breathe, and you are choosing now to dump him?”

“It’s not that I want to...” Kenzie replied in her defense.

“Then why?”

“Because...” Mackenzie had feared this moment would come, but she had no idea it would happen like this. “I tried to help him, but I hurt him. I always try too hard.”

Lexi didn’t have the time to talk it out with her. There was obviously more to the story, but Samuel was still hurting and Lexi didn’t want to waste another second.

Lexi held the letter in both hands and tore it into pieces.

Mackenzie’s eyes grew big and she asked, “Why did you do that?”

“Because Sammy is never going to read that letter. He is never going to know that you even thought for a moment that you would break up with him. I don’t know why in the world you would let the thought of losing him come into your brain, but it’s not going to happen!”

Lexi stood up and looked down at her and said, “He doesn’t need me. He needs you. Whatever happened before now doesn’t matter. You need to be the one holding his hand and telling him that you love him.”

She started to walk away, but thought to add one more thing. “Unless you don’t love him...”

Mackenzie cut her off before she could say another word, “Of course I love him!”

“Then what are you waiting for?”

...

Sam had just confessed to Ashlyn that he thought he didn’t have anything to offer Mackenzie. He worried that his girlfriend had agreed with him about her being better off with someone else.

“Sam, she’d be crazy to think that.” Ashlyn encouraged.

It was at that moment that Samuel’s big sister opened the door. He expected her to make a dramatic scene and rush to his side. Instead, she stepped to the side and revealed that Mackenzie was behind her.

Ashlyn caught her daughter’s gaze and they both shared the same thought. She got up from Sam’s bedside and said, “We’ll give you two some privacy.” Before she left she hugged Samuel and whispered, so that only he could hear, “You deserve the best, son. Remember, I love you with all my heart.”

After Ashlyn and Lexi had left the room, Mackenzie approached Samuel with her head hanging in shame.

“Kenze...” Samuel called softly.

She slowly raised her head and as soon as their eyes met she broke down in tears.

“Kenzie, please don’t cry.” Sam begged. He held his hand out toward her and she instinctively reached for it. He gently pulled her toward him.

Filled with guilt, she carefully joined him in his hospital bed. He tried to pull her down to lie with him, but she resisted and sat up. She had to make a confession. She couldn’t bear to lie to Sam any longer.

“I lied to you.” Mackenzie said. “I lied to you, and now you’re sick.” She held Sam’s face with both hands and cried, “You’re so sick, Sammy. And it’s all my fault.”

“It’s not your fault, Kenze.” Sam answered with conviction.

She turned her head away from him to try to hide the tears she couldn’t stop from falling.

“Kenze...” Sam had a lot he wanted to say, but his respiratory problems discouraged him from trying. “I know about the trip.”

Mackenzie sat up a little straighter and asked, “You know?”

“Your dad didn’t have business.”

What they were referring to was Mackenzie using her dad’s business as an excuse for Samuel to accept her offer to use her family’s resources to see a European surgeon. Sam knew the whole time that she had lied. She was trying to help him, but she thought the only reason he agreed to it was because she had deceived him.

“Kenze...” Sam continued. “I made the decision to go. I knew what I was doing.”

Mackenzie felt a little lighter from the release of guilt that had lifted off her shoulders. She gently stretched out and carefully laid down next to him. It was already a tight fit with only Sam in the bed, but neither of them minded. It felt good for them to be close again.

“Why didn’t you say something?” Mackenzie asked quietly. She was close enough to Sam that the two of them could whisper and still hear one another. It was probably for the best. Samuel didn’t have much energy.

Sam smiled and answered, “I think you’re cute when you lie.”

She quickly sat up, wanting to get a good look of his face when she asked, “What do you mean?”

“You left to take care of some ‘business’ for your dad...” Sam said. He air quoted the word business with his fingers. “...and you were gone for like...twenty minutes....and still managed to pick us up dinner.”

“You had me figured out.” Mackenzie said, shaking her head. She carefully laid back down next to Samuel and draped her arm across his stomach. She wanted him to know that she wasn’t going anywhere.

...

 

Over the next few days, Rachel was happy with the progress her brother-in-law had made since being hospitalized. She explained the next steps in his recover.

“He’ll need to stay hospitalized for a few more days. He can’t fly, or take long trips without taking breaks and walking around. The clots will absorb back into his blood stream by themselves in the next several months. The less rest he gets now, the longer it will take for him to get better. So, we can’t let his hyperactivity sabotage his recovery.”

Rachel eyed Samuel to make sure he knew that she would be watching him.

“There’s one more thing...” Rachel said. “Sam, I need to apologize to you, and to everyone else.” She made eye contact with Ali and added, “I should have seen this coming. I take full responsibility for what happened.”

There was no way to know for sure, but the altitude from flying and the long amount of time spent sitting, probably led to Sam’s blood clots. Rachel believed that if anyone should have seen it coming, it was her.

“Sweetheart...” Ali replied. Ali was like a mother to Rachel. Jacob's wife had always thought of her as her role-model. Rachel felt like she had let Ali and the rest of the family down. Ali could clearly see that her daughter-in-law needed comfort.

Ali embraced her compassionately and said, “It’s nobody’s fault. You knew to get him to a hospital. You probably saved his life.” She took a small step backwards so that she could look into the woman’s eyes and said, “I am so glad you were there.”

Ali kissed her cheek and pulled her into another hug.

...

Once Samuel was feeling better, his family left back for home. Mackenzie stayed by his side. They came up with a game after Sam had gotten a room full of flowers from his girlfriend.

“What am I supposed to do with these?” He asked.

She shrugged and said, “I don’t know, but I’ve already gotten you all of the cliché gifts. I’m running out of ideas.”

Sam laughed, “You don’t need to buy me stuff. Everyday I wake up to my room being filled with gifts. Seriously...you need to stop.”

“Samuel, I am not going to stop. You’re sick!”

“I’m not as sick as I was. And it’s not fair. I want to get you stuff too, but I’m stuck in this bed.” Samuel replied. “How about if we make a deal?”

 

"What do you have in mind?”

Sam smiled and said, “We have a friendly competition.”

“Ok...you’ve got my interest.”

“We can only get gifts for each other that we find around here.”

Mackenzie thought about what her boyfriend was suggesting and asked, “You mean, in the hospital? We can’t buy anything?”

“Yee-up.” Sam answered.

“Interesting...”

Over the course of the week that he had to stay in the hospital, Samuel had given Mackenzie all of his hot chocolate packets from his meals. He made her an origami type heart out of paper towels. He spent two afternoons using a plastic knife to carve a bar of soap into a flower. He even made a heart out of a pile of mashed potatoes from the cafeteria.

Mackenzie had a lot more to work with because she was able to freely wander around the hospital looking for things to use. She had just given Sam a huge heart necklace made out of tongue depressors and paperclips. It was tacky and awesome all at the same time.

“I have a confession to make.” Mackenzie said.

Samuel held the necklace close to his heart and said, “Are you feeling guilty about stealing the hospital’s stuff?” Mackenzie had told him that she snuck into a medical supply closet and swiped the medical supplies.

“Nah.” Kenzie answered. “I’m planning to give them a donation once we get home that will easily cover your new fancy necklace.” She smiled, but her face turned serious quickly. “I need to tell you about something that Lexi told me I should never tell you.”

Samuel’s interest was peaked. He couldn’t imagine what his sister would want his girlfriend to hide from him.

Mackenzie answered the question that he hadn’t yet asked. “The first day we were here, I was going to break up with you.”

Sam’s first instinct was to shrink back in his bed and create more space between the two of them. His girlfriend knew that she had hurt him, just like Lexi had warned, but she couldn’t hide it from him any longer.

“Sammy...” She reached across the space and pulled his hand towards her. “I thought it was all my fault. I thought that you would be better off without me. I didn’t want to hurt you any more than I already did.”

Sam leaned in towards her and replied, “You think I’d be better off without you?”

Mackenzie shrugged and answered, “Maybe.”

“Kenze, you’re way too good for me.” Sam replied. “I have nothing to offer you.” He cleared his throat and added, “I sorta thought you might be wanting to break up with me, because you figured out you could do a lot better.”

Kenzie shook her head from side to side and looked as if she was about to cry. “You don’t know, do you?” She asked. “There isn’t anyone in this world better than you.”

“Yeah, right.” Sam laughed in disbelief.

“Sam, I’m serious. I’ve never met anyone like you.”

“Yeah, I bet.” Sam replied sarcastically. “You probably never met anyone who was as useless as me.”

Mackenzie felt a pain in her chest when she heard Samuel put himself down. It physically hurt her to hear his words. “Why would you say that?” Sam noticed his girlfriend’s face begin to flush as she continued. “Do you think I love you because of your job, or your health?”

“Obviously not.” Sam replied, continuing to be way too hard on himself.

Mackenzie rolled her eyes in frustration and said, “Will you stop it! I love you because of your heart. You’re the kindest, most amazing person I have ever met. I was always so worried about hurting you because of my own issues with commitment, but now I worry that one day you won’t want me anymore...”

Mackenzie wiped her eyes of the tears that had developed and continued, “I worry that one day I won’t be able to look into your eyes and see a better version of myself. I worry that one day I won’t have your hand near enough to hold, or your lips...”

Samuel had started to smile the more Mackenzie spoke. When she mentioned his lips the room felt hotter and both of them had a desperate need to be closer. The two embraced and shared a long kiss before Samuel spoke.

“I still think you’re too good for me...but I guess I can live with that.” He smiled and went in for another kiss.

Samuel was still learning what it meant to be loved. Both Samuel and Mackenzie weren’t used to the kind of love that they shared. It was new territory for them. Everyone else that had come before them made them both feel like they weren’t enough.

With his recent difficulties, Samuel felt that his relationship with Mackenzie was too good to be true. He saw her as someone who was way out of his league. Even if she was willing to settle for him, he had figured that it wouldn’t be what was best for her.

Kenzie, on the other hand, felt that she was destined to hurt Sam because of her past commitment issues. She couldn’t see a future without him now, but she worried that someday that would change.

The two of them were a mess, but they loved each other deeply. Together they were starting to realize that the things that they thought made them ‘weird’ or ‘unloveable,’ were the very things that they loved the most about each other.

The closer they got, the more their insecurities started to slip away.

The two of them had fallen hard for each other...and it was the greatest feeling in the world.


	259. Sharing Is Caring

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not a FLASHFORWARD chapter.
> 
> Jake is 18
> 
> Lexi is 9
> 
> Sam is 7
> 
> The twins are 2

“Mommy...” Sam said sweetly as he tugged on Ali’s pants. “Lick, lick.” The 7 year old added and imitated his dog’s tongue when he licked his face. 

Ali was making a chocolate pie for Thanksgiving dessert and Samuel wanted an early taste. Thankfully for Samuel, Ali couldn’t resist her little boy’s charm. She not only gave him a little lick of the spoon, but she made sure to give him a heaping spoonful of the chocolate filling.

“Mmm...Mommy, that’s sooooooo good!” Sam exclaimed with chocolate covering his mouth. 

Ali got a chocolatey kiss from him before sending him to find Ashlyn. She knew her sweet boy would be asking for more free samples of the dessert she was working on. He would also ask constant questions and want to help. She wouldn’t be able to get anything done. Ali hoped that Ashlyn would have something for the boy to do to keep him busy.

Samuel found his Mama in the front yard hanging up Christmas lights. She was balancing on a ladder and stretching as far as she could to attach the string of lights to the roof. Sam yelled and caught her off guard. “Mamacita!”

When Ali heard the terrified scream of her son. She ran to where she heard his voice. Jacob followed close behind her. He considered himself the protector of the family. The scene that Jake and Ali found was comical. The ladder had fallen, but Ash was able to keep herself from falling by hanging onto the gutter. 

Samuel was still screaming. He was convinced that his mother was about to fall to her death. Ashlyn’s 5’9’’ frame was still several feet above the ground, but it wasn’t a big drop at all. Ali yanked on Jacob’s arm and pulled him to Ashlyn. 

The two of them stood underneath her when Ali said, “Baby, we’ll catch you. Just drop.”

Ashlyn would have preferred for them to set the ladder up next to her, but she wasn’t going to argue. Ashlyn let go and between Ali and Jacob catching the majority of her weight, she was able to gently land on the ground without injury.

“What the heck happened?” Ali asked. 

Samuel buried his head into Ashlyn’s side and squeezed her as tight as he could with both arms wrapped around her waist. The poor boy thought he had almost killed his mother. 

Ash cradled Sam’s head in her hands and answered her wife, “He called me mamacita.” 

The women didn’t know that Samuel had learned a new Spanish word. When Ash heard him innocently call her ‘hot mama’ in Spanish, she lost her focus on her task and then watched her life flash before her eyes.

Jacob turned bright red, revealing to his parents where his little brother had learned the new word. Both women chose not to ask him about it. Samuel was a guilty mess of tears and Ashlyn was doing her best to comfort him. 

Ali kissed both her wife and Samuel before nodding toward the door and signaling to Jacob that she wanted him to follow her inside. After they left, Ashlyn knelt down in front of Samuel and the two shared an emotional hug that lasted several minutes. It took a while for the sensitive boy to calm down.

Once Ali and Jacob had gotten back inside of the house and were clear of Samuel’s ears she asked, “Who are you calling mamacita?” 

“I might have called Rachel that and Sam asked what it meant.” Jake answered. 

Ali pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes as she thought about what her son’s motives were when he called his girlfriend a word that could be considered a catcall in most contexts. 

“You better respect that girl.” Ali said sternly. She was almost certain that his intentions weren’t sexist, but she wanted to make sure.

“I know, Mom.” He answered, feeling annoyed that his mother would ever doubt him. “We were learning Spanish because Rach thinks I should care more about my heritage. I was trying to compliment her. He overheard and asked what it meant. Obviously he was also trying to say it as a compliment when he said it to Mama.” Jake sighed and softly said, “I’m really sorry.”

Ali believed her son’s story. She gave him a hug and was about to tell her son that he was forgiven when her wife interrupted them. Ashlyn carried Samuel in a tight embrace. The boy was quiet and calm. His eyes were bright red from crying and his bottom lip was slightly quivering. The 7 year old was trying hard to keep his tears from coming again.

“My sweet baby.” Ali said as she shifted her attention from Jacob to Samuel. Ali took Sam’s bright red face in her hands and said, “I love you, Sweetheart.” She kissed his cheek and added, “Mama is safe. You don’t have to be afraid.”

“I know.” Sam replied in a shaky voice.

Ashlyn added, “We’re gonna need a few minutes.” 

Ali understood what Ash was requesting. Team Awesome needed some uninterrupted cuddle time. Ali whispered as Ash carried Samuel to his room, “Baby, please be careful of your back.” 

Ashlyn was unwilling to admit that her Sam-Bam was getting bigger. Ali worried that her wife would end up hurting herself in her attempts to comfort their son. 

“Don’t worry about it, mamacita.” Ash teased and left her wife shaking her head in disapproval.

...

By the time Ali was ready for her family to join her and their guests for dinner, Samuel’s small twin sized bed was full. Not only did Sam’s faithful dog join them, but Lexi and the twins had also found their way into the bed. Lexi had heard her little brother’s cries and worried that he needed her help. The twins were ready for their nap time and had found what looked like a family nap session. 

Ali stood over her sleeping family and hated that she had to wake them. It was a sweet scene in front of her, but it was also a rare occurrence for the house to be so calm and quiet. She laughed to herself, knowing that the peace and quiet would soon come to an end. One by one, she peeled her smallest children off of her wife. Each one was greeted with a smile and a hug. Ali loved her children. Even with guests and family waiting, she took her time to let her babies know that she adored them.

...

For the beginning of the evening, Samuel stayed close to Ashlyn’s side, staying uncharacteristically quiet and shy towards his family and guests. However, once dinner was over, he was back to his old self. It didn’t hurt that his best friend Joey was there. The two of them, along with Monster, spent the rest of the evening building a fort in the backyard and pretending to be ninjas.

Both of Ali’s parents, along with Annie, were sitting around the table talking over coffee and pie. Jacob and Lexi had been given the responsibility of watching their toddler twin siblings so that the adults could take a break. 

Ali was in the middle of telling everyone why their Christmas lights weren’t up yet, and why Samuel had been so quiet earlier, when they heard the littlest child cry out. 

Jacob brought Jamie to Ali and said, “Bella bit him. He wouldn’t share his toy with her.”

Lately the twins had been living up to the term terrible two’s. They had earned the nickname, Double Trouble.

After confirming that her son was fine and only crying for attention, Ali checked her watch and said, “Baby, I need you to take him.” She handed the toddler to Ashlyn and added, “It’s bedtime for some of us.”

“You and your crazy shopping.” Ash scoffed. She stood up and walked away with Jamie in her arms. She gently rocked her son and whispered comforting words in his ear.

 Ali informed her mother and Annie that she was going to get Lexi and head to bed. The four of them, along with Jacob’s girlfriend, had an early morning ahead of them. Ashlyn and the rest of the family had no desire to join them. In Ashlyn’s opinion, getting up at an early hour to spend hundreds of dollars on stuff the day after giving thanks for all of your life’s blessings didn’t make sense. She felt like the two things cancelled each other out. 

...

Before leaving at 4:30 am, Ali gave her wife a kiss and whispered, “I love you.” Ashlyn slept through it, but she didn’t sleep through her son’s efforts to wake her up a few hours later.

“Mama....” Jacob said as he shook his mother. 

Ash groaned and stretched her achy limbs. She immediately felt the weight of her littlest children’s bodies on top of her. The twins had followed their big brother, Samuel, into their parents’ bedroom. Sam was never one to worry about personal space. When he snuggled up to Ashlyn, the toddlers followed his example. Ashlyn was trapped under a pile of her cute kids.

Jacob helped his mother remove herself from the pile without waking his younger siblings up. He handed Ashlyn his phone and said, “Mom needs you.”

Ash glanced at the alarm clock on the nightstand next to her and grimaced. “Babe, it’s 7 in the morning. I kept the kids up late so we could sleep in.” She complained.

Ashlyn was surprised to hear the voice of Rachel instead of her wife.

“Umm, sorry to wake you...” Jacob’s girlfriend said. “But we need your help.”

Ash sensed that something serious had happened and she needed to wake up and be a responsible adult. “What’s wrong?” She asked and sat up at attention.

“Lexi is having an anxiety attack. Your wife is trying to calm her down, but she said that she needs you to come and take Lex home.”

“Where are you?” Ash asked. 

After Rachel gave her the details of their location, Ash worked it out with Jacob to watch Sam, Joey, and the twins while she was gone. She hoped that they would sleep the entire time she was gone, but was confident in Jake’s babysitting skills. As the oldest of 5 kids, he was practically a professional at this point.

...

Ashlyn held her daughter tightly and listened to Ali tell her about what had happened. Someone had elbowed Ash’s little princess in the face in an attempt to get a cheap toy for their child. Lexi had calmed down considerably, but the 9 year old was still recovering. Ashlyn could feel her shaking in her arms. 

“You are going to continue shopping?” Ash asked. She sounded disappointed in her wife’s decision to stay in the black Friday madness.

Ali replied, “Yes...” She knew that her wife wasn’t happy, but she still had a lot of things on her list that she needed to get. “I’m trying to do all of our Christmas shopping.”

Ash rolled her eyes in disapproval and said, “Whatever, Alex.”

They couldn’t argue about it. Lexi was a mess and Ali’s mom, along with Annie and Rachel, were there. They had to agree to disagree...at least for now.

...

“You’re just as bad as the woman who hurt our Lexi.” Ash scolded quietly. 

The women were in their bedroom discussing the day’s events while the rest of the family ate a late breakfast together. 

Ashlyn’s words did not go over well with her wife.

“How dare you?” Ali asked in anger. “I was trying to help our family save money. That lady was bullying a child.”

“You should have come home, Alex. Our daughter was traumatized. What’s the point of celebrating Thanksgiving when the very next day you act like a crazy person that will do anything to get more stuff?” Ashlyn asked angrily.

Ali was annoyed that her wife was insinuating that she was acting selfishly. “Ash, you need to calm down. I know you’re upset about Lexi, but I will not allow you to compare me to someone who would hurt a child.”

“You won’t ALLOW me?” Ash asked, emphasizing the word allow. “Well, I won’t ALLOW you to take my children black Friday shopping anymore.”

Ali threw her hands up in the air and said, “You’re being irrational. I can’t talk to you like this.”

Ali left her wife to simmer down and joined the rest of the family for breakfast. She was angry, but softened when she saw Samuel helping Lexi with her ice pack. The poor girl had a swollen eye. Ali thought about her wife’s words and started to think that maybe Ashlyn was right about taking their children shopping on such a crazy day. 

Sam jumped from his seat next to Lexi and hurried to Ali. He said, “Let me help you , Mommy.” He took her by the hand and led her to her chair at the table. 

Ali didn’t know that Ash had instructed him to be extra helpful toward his sister and mother because of their hard day. He volunteered to get her a plate of breakfast. He held the empty plate up to his grandmother and waited for her to fill it. On his way back to his mother, he stuck out his tongue slightly as he concentrated hard on delivering the food without dropping anything. 

“Thank you, baby.” Ali said and gave her boy a kiss on the head. “You are so sweet.”

“Mama said you had a hard day.” Sam replied. He held Ali’s hand and leaned against her as she ate. He wasn’t moving until he knew that she was ok. 

Samuel’s concern and Lexi’s black eye were enough for Ali to make the first move towards reconciliation with her wife. 

Ali found her wife talking to their toddler children. Ali listened for a minute but had to butt in when she heard Ashlyn say, “Your mother is crazy.”

“You better be talking about yourself.” Ali interrupted. 

Ashlyn’s lips reveled a guilty smile as she replied, “I guess you’ll never know.”

Ash was sitting on the floor of the twin’s room with both children hanging on her. Ali found it hard to be angry at her wife when she was playing with their adorable children.

“Baby, I need to talk to you about what happened today.” Ali said, ignoring her wife’s mischievous grin. 

Ali sat down across from Ash and was briefly distracted when both toddlers greeted her with happy smiles. She shared hugs and kisses with them and watched them return to climbing on Ashlyn before continuing.

“I’m sorry for how things turned out. It was a mistake to bring Lexi. Please forgive me.” 

Ashlyn was not expecting to hear her wife apologize. If anything, she felt like she needed to apologize. Ali was trying to include their daughter in a family tradition. She was trying to have fun and make memories. There was also a high probability that Ali bought her Christmas gifts, as well. Ali’s heart was in the right place.

Ash made no movement to signal that she had heard, or accepted Ali’s apology. She was oddly still. She stared down at her son’s little fingers as he tried to take off his shoes. Ali was familiar enough with her wife to know the reason for the sudden calm that had come over her. 

Ashlyn was thinking. Ali stretched her leg out and lightly kicked her wife’s thigh to get her attention. Ash sat up a little straighter and met the brunettes eyes with her own.

“Sorry.” Ash stammered. “I..um...I was just thinking.” 

Ali’s response was a kind smile. She waited, knowing that Ashlyn had more to say. 

“I’m sorry, too. I may have let my emotions get the better of me.” Ash said. “I really hate that Lex got hurt. I know it’s not your fault.” Ashlyn dropped her eyes back down toward the floor and added, “I’m sorry if I made you feel that way.”

Ali reached for Bella and pulled her into a hug before she said, “I think maybe we should start a new tradition.”

“What do you mean?” Ash asked.  

Ali answered thoughtfully, “We should do something that would be safe for all the kids to be a part of that gives back some of the blessings that we have to people who are in need.”

“Well...any brilliant ideas of how we do that?” Ash asked. Jamie was pulling on her neck in an attempt to use her as a jungle gym. “We’ve gotta keep our little ones in mind.”

“I don’t know. You’re the creative one. I’m sure you’ll think of something.” Ali said with a flirtatious smile. 

...

Ashlyn did think of something.

Every holiday season from that year on the family would volunteer to do a service project for the community. The first project they came up with was to donate paint and supplies to the foster home that housed Jake, Lex, and Sam before they became part of the Krieger-Harris clan. The entire family helped paint the activity room where the kids there would spend most of their time playing during the day. The twins needed extra adult attention, but their parents felt it was important to include them.

They also started another tradition with the smaller children. Ash and Ali were happy to spend their own money to help others. The problem with that though, was that it didn’t cost their children anything. They wanted to teach their kids that it’s important to help people in need, even when it’s inconvenient, or costly. They decided that the best way to do this was to have both twins pick out one of their favorite toys to give away to another child.

Their toddler twins were struggling with the idea of sharing. It wasn’t out of the ordinary for two year olds to be possessive of their toys, but Ali and Ash were trying to raise extraordinary children. It was difficult at first, but once the children saw how excited their parents got, and how happy the children were who received the gifts, they would often bring toys to their parents to give away. 

It got to the point where Ashlyn and Ali had to tell them that it was ok for them to keep some toys for themselves. 

One night after Bella had cried about not being able to give away one of her favorite dolls, Ali asked why she was so upset. 

Through tears Bella answered, “Don’t want people sad.” 

“Sweetheart, who’s sad?” Ali asked. She held her trembling daughter in her arms and wondered if there was someone specific that her daughter was thinking of.

“I don’t know.” Bella answered. 

Little Isabella loved her baby doll. She carried it around and hugged it like her parents held her. Ali couldn’t imagine in her wildest dreams that the girl would be willing to part with it.

Through a 2 year old conversation that only a mother could understand, Ali discovered that her daughter wanted to make sure that every little girl had someone to hug. Ashlyn later found her wife in tears as she relayed the story of their daughter remembering seeing children at the foster home they had visited who were sitting alone. Bella said she wanted to give everyone a hug they could keep.

Like many times before, Ashlyn and Ali were blown away by one of their children. Little Bella was already starting to live up to the amazing legacy that her parents were leaving on the world.


	260. Mountain Climber

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a FLASHFORWARD chapter picking up where we left off with Sam and Mackenzie.

When it came time for Samuel to be discharged from the hospital, he proudly wore his heart necklace made of tongue depressor for the road trip. Mackenzie never imagined he would wear the necklace she had made for him outside of the hospital, but she loved that he did. 

Because of Samuel’s injury, it was important for them to stop frequently. The three hour drive turned into a much longer trip. Mackenzie mapped out a few places for them to stop along the way. Sam apologized several times about making the ride home last forever, but his girlfriend only smiled and told him that he was really doing her a favor by patiently letting her lead him around like an excited tourist. 

The trip took most of Samuel’s energy. When they arrived at his parent’s house, he was ready to go to bed, but that didn’t stop his mother from spoiling him. 

“My sweet baby is home!” Ali exclaimed as she and Ash met Sam and Mackenzie in the driveway. 

Ashlyn hurried to help her son out of the car, and once he was stable on his crutches, she helped Mackenzie with the bags from their trip. Ali hugged her son for longer than a normal hug usually lasted, but she felt a huge relief now that he was in her arms. Samuel was her biggest child, in terms of size, but she still felt better when he was nearby when sick, or hurting. 

Samuel used his crutches to follow Ashlyn and his girlfriend into the house. Ali walked behind him with a protective hand on his back. She gently rubbed his back as they slowly walked. She wanted to give him as much comfort as she could. 

Once inside, Ali offered her famous caramel brownies and gave her son the biggest piece. “Thanks, Mom.” Sam said. 

Ali poured her boy a large glass of milk and smiled as she watched him enjoy the treat she had made just for him. Ashlyn and Mackenzie joined Sam and Ali at the table, and talked for a few minutes before Sam excused himself to take a nap. Samuel knew that his girlfriend was going to leave and go to her own house for the night. He asked her to help him get settled in before she left.

“Thanks for everything.” Sam said. His eyelids were heavy and it was clear that he was fighting to stay awake. 

Mackenzie stacked his pillows against the headboard of his bed so that he could have a more comfortable sleeping angle. She had been taking care of him while in the hospital and they had discovered that it was better for Sam if he didn’t lay down completely, but had his head and chest raised. 

“It was nothing.” Mackenzie replied. 

Sam stopped her hand from fluffing one of his pillows and said, “It wasn’t nothing.”

She moved her attention from the pillows to her boyfriend and smiled sweetly. “I know. I was just happy I could be there with you.”

“I was happy...because you were with me.” Sam replied softly. Even though he was exhausted and his voice didn’t have much volume to it, Mackenzie could hear the sincerity of his words loud and clear. 

“My sweet Sam-Man.” She replied. 

Kenzie found herself calling Samuel that often. She never said it in front of people. She assumed it would embarrass him in public, but she couldn’t help to say it when they were alone. He was always saying, or doing things, that would make her feel that he was the kindest and sweetest man she had ever met. He went out of his way to tell her how much he cared for her, and how special she was. An ordinary day would often turn extraordinary simply because he would reveal to her that he had been thinking of her while they were apart. He would write her a note, or bring her a small gift. She never questioned his feelings toward her.

Mackenzie had the ability to make grandiose gestures because of her family’s wealth, but she found that it was the smallest things that Samuel did that meant the most to her.

Mackenzie took Sam’s face in her hands and gave him a tender kiss before pulling back his blanket and telling him to go to bed.

“I’ll be back in the morning. Try to get some rest. I love you.” Mackenzie said. “Be good.” She added. “Don’t give your moms a hard time.”

Samuel answered with a tired smile, “I’ll try.” After Kenzie gave him one more kiss he said, “Love you, too.”

Mackenzie waited the short time it took for him to fall asleep. She knew that he was fighting to stay awake and that it wouldn’t take long for him to doze off. She had been by his side since he was hospitalized and was very familiar with his energy level. It didn’t take much for Sam to get worn out these days.

Kenzie joined Sam’s parents in the living room and summoned the courage to talk to Ali about an idea she had been thinking about. Ashlyn was there as well, but Mackenzie knew that Ali was the one who’s blessing she needed to receive.

“Can I talk to you about something?” The woman asked as she nervously chewed on her lip.

“Of course.” Ali answered sweetly and without hesitation.

Mackenzie started chewing on one of her nails without realizing it and revealed her nerves to her boyfriend’s parents.

“What is it, sweetheart?” Ali asked, trying to convey a sense of comfort. 

Mackenzie took a deep breath and released it slowly. “I wanted to ask you about something.” She answered. “I haven’t said anything to Sam yet, because I wanted to hear your thoughts and get your blessing.” 

When Ashlyn heard the words “get your blessing” come out of her son’s girlfriend’s mouth she stiffened and listened carefully to Mackenzie’s next words.

“I was thinking that since you both have such important jobs, that maybe it would make more sense for Sam to stay with me for a while...At least until he’s off of bed rest.” 

Ashlyn was relieved to hear that the woman wasn’t asking for her son’s hand in marriage. She thought her head might explode if that was the case. 

Ali, on the other hand, seemed slightly disappointed about the suggestion. Which was exactly what Mackenzie was expecting.

Mackenzie stretched her hand out and squeezed Ali’s arm. “I know it will be hard for you not to have him around...And I know that my house isn’t the closest, or easiest to get to...but I feel that he needs a lot of attention. My job is really flexible and I can stay home and still get things done. I’m worried that he won’t get better unless someone watches him carefully. He really hates sitting still and waiting for his body to heal.” 

Mackenzie shook her head and tried to be completely honest, “I know I’m being selfish, too. Maybe my judgment is clouded. I hate being away from him...especially when he’s hurting. But I really do think that it’s in his best interest.” She paused and then asked Ali, “What do you think?”

Ali looked over at her wife and the two had a conversation without words. She smiled sadly and said, “I think you might be right.” Her eyes started to water when she added, “But I’m really gonna miss him.”

“I’ve thought about that.” Mackenzie replied. “I was thinking that if he’s up to it, I can drive him to have lunch with you both everyday...and you both are welcome to come over anytime...and I can bring him here to visit...” Mackenzie had thought through the many options. She knew Sam’s family loved him way too much to be comfortable with not seeing him when he was so sick. 

She continued to explain, “I’ve been trying to pay attention to his energy levels and his body’s healing needs. After a nap, he is usually able to be fully awake and have regular conversations for an hour or two before needing to rest again. He can’t do anything too active, but he can visit with you. I really think it would help him a lot to get out of the house regularly...as long as it’s not too stressful.”

Ashlyn carefully watched her wife’s reaction to Kenzie’s words. Ali wasn’t going to argue with Mackenzie’s logic. It made sense, but she hated thinking about not being around to spoil her sick son. 

“It makes sense.” Ali replied.

Mackenzie wanted to make sure she was ok with the idea, so she asked, “But do you think you can live with that arrangement?” 

“If it will help Sammy get better, then I think you should do it.” Ali answered. Ashlyn was proud of her wife for putting her own wishes aside.

Mackenzie got nervous again when she asked, “What do you think Lexi will think?”

Ashlyn smiled at the girl’s question. Mackenzie had become very familiar with the Krieger-Harris family. She knew Lexi would have her own thoughts on what was best for Samuel. 

Ashlyn laughed and answered, “She’ll hate it.” She looked at her wife and added, “But she’ll get over it.”

...

“Holy Crap!...We could vacation here.” Ash said as she drove with her wife onto Mackenzie’s property. 

Kenzie had given them the code to enter into the gated community and then left their names with the security guard at the entrance to her family’s property. The women had never been to her house before. They thought they had an idea of her family’s wealth, but they were quickly finding out that what they thought was a huge underestimation. 

“Do you have the map?” Ash asked. 

Ali found the paper in her purse that Mackenzie had given to her. It was a map of the acres of land that her family owned. Her house was about a mile away from the main house where her father lived.

Ali pointed to a dirt road past the large garage connected to the main house and said, “I think it’s that one.” 

Ashlyn’s Jeep easily handled the path that led to Mackenzie’s house. Although she thought her wife’s BMW would have trouble with the bumpy dirt path, Ashlyn graciously kept her judgmental comments to herself. 

“I know what you’re thinking.” Ali said.

Ashlyn smirked and replied, “I didn’t say anything.”

“But you’re bragging in your head about how amazing your beast of a Jeep is and how wimpy my car is.”

Ashlyn tried not to smile as she shook her head in denial. “Babe, I would never...”

“Sure.” Ali replied. She rolled her eyes and pointed at the house ahead of them. “That must be it.”

...

Both Sam and Mackenzie were out of breath. Samuel had just woken up from a nap and Kenzie greeted him with a chaste kiss that quickly turned into something much more heated than she had intended. 

The sound of Mackenzie’s phone pulled her attention away from her boyfriend. Sam held onto her tighter as she stretched toward the night stand to reach her cell. 

“Your parents are here.” She announced after reading the text Ali had sent.

Sam groaned and said, “I thought the were coming for dinner.”

“They’re staying for dinner...” She said with a smile. She knew why her boyfriend was disappointed. He was hoping for more kissing time. “They are coming right now.”

Sam groaned again and released his girlfriend from his grip.

Mackenzie kissed him quickly and said, “It’s probably for the best.” She put her open hand over his heart and said, “I think I might be killing you.” She was referring to the fact that his heart felt like it was beating out of his chest. 

Poor Samuel. His health was really slowing down his love life.

“You’re hilarious.” Sam replied, even though he thought it was more frustrating than funny.

“Take your time. I’m gonna let your parents in.” Mackenzie said. She often felt she needed to remind him to be careful and not to rush when moving around.

“Yeah, yeah.” Sam replied as he watched his girlfriend leave the room.

...

“Sam will be out in a minute.” Mackenzie said as she let Ash and Ali into her house. “He just woke up from a nap.”

“How’s he feeling?” Ali asked. 

Mackenzie held back a smile, thinking about her boyfriend’s current frustrated state, when she answered. “I can tell he’s getting better. But the doctor said it will be a slow process. He’ll probably fall asleep one or two times while you both are here. Just go with it.” 

Ashlyn asked, “Can I see him?” She couldn't wait any longer to check on her best bud.

Mackenzie told her what door to knock on and continued her conversation with Ali about Samuel’s recovery. 

After Mackenzie had explained the great measures she was going to to help Sam get healthy, Ali wanted to share something that she had been thinking about since they had talked at the hospital.

“Mackenzie, I’ve been thinking...” Ali said. She smiled kindly and added, “You mentioned at the hospital about feeling guilty about what happened to Samuel on your trip. I wanted to tell you that a similar thing happened to me.”

“Really?” Mackenzie asked. She thought for sure her boyfriend would have told her about what his mother was taking about.

Ali shook her head up and down and said, “Yeah...except my blood clots traveled to my heart.”

Even though the incident had happened long ago, and clearly Ali was fine, Mackenzie’s eyes watered and looked as if she was experiencing Ali’s traumatic memory herself. 

“It was horrible.” Ali added. “At the time it was the scariest thing I had ever been through. My family was scared to death....”

Mackenzie listened carefully as Ali shared. She leaned in and held her breath.

“...but it ended up being one of the best things that ever happened to me.”

Kenzie sat back in her chair in surprise. She was not expecting to hear Ali say that.

Ali explained, “You see, Ashlyn and I were going through a hard time. She was ready to give up on me, I think. And don’t even get me started on how confused I was. I was a mess. But it was her presence that gave me peace and it showed me that I couldn’t live without her. It might have been one of the best things that ever happened to me.”

Ali smiled before ending her memory by saying, “I think this whole situation has done that for you and Samuel. I don’t know what your future holds, but I do know that in the hardest situations we find out who the people are that will stay by our side no matter what. I believe that my son has found that kind of person in you...and I couldn’t be happier for him.”

...

Sam’s voice welcomed his mother in.

“How ya feeling, Bam?” Ash asked. 

Samuel hopped on his left leg from the closet to the bed, holding a clean shirt in his hands. He sat down and worked to catch his breath so he could answer Ashlyn. His mother watched him carefully and felt her anxiety grow every time her son took a quiet, but heavy, breath. 

“Shouldn’t you be using your crutches?” Ashlyn asked. She sat down next to her son and felt helpless to make him feel better.

“You sound like Kenze.” Sam joked.

Ashlyn didn’t laugh. “Sam...” She sighed before continuing. “This isn’t a joke. You almost died.”

Samuel put his head down and rubbed his neck awkwardly. “I know.” He said. 

“Do you?” Ash asked. Her tone was harsher than she intended. 

Sam put his shirt on and stood up. He hopped to his crutches and answered, “Yeah, I do.” 

Without saying another word to his mother, he left the room. 

“My sweet baby boy!” Ali announced when she saw him approach. 

Ali hugged him tightly and didn’t notice the defeated look on her wife’s face when she joined them. 

Ali may not have notice, but Mackenzie did. 

Samuel’s girlfriend didn’t make any mention that she knew something was up. She didn’t want to make thing awkward, but she did keep her eye on Ashlyn. She hoped to be able to offer some encouragement before the end of the night. 

Ali was oblivious that something was going on between Ash and Sam until she noticed her son go out of his way to avoid sitting next to his Mama. After that she saw him give her wife short answers, and even ignore her at times. Her suspicions were confirmed when Mackenzie acted extra nice toward Ash. 

Just as Mackenzie had expected, Sam fell asleep soon after dinner. When his girlfriend helped him to bed Ali whispered, “What’s going on?”

Ash shrugged.

Ali insisted her wife open up, “Baby, I know something’s wrong. What happened between you and Samuel?”

Ashlyn shrugged again, but this time she answered, “I don’t really know. He seemed to get mad at me when I checked on him. I don’t know what I said, but whatever it was he hates me now.”

“Sweetheart, he doesn’t hate you.” Ali assured her. She didn’t know what was wrong, but she knew that their son could never hate Ashlyn.

The women heard Mackenzie’s voice from behind them. “He definitely doesn’t hate you.” She sat down next to Ali and apologized. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop.”

“Is there something going on with Samuel?” Ali asked. 

Mackenzie was somewhat uncomfortable with sharing personal information with her boyfriend’s parents without his permission, but she felt it was probably for the best. “We received some news today. I think he’s discouraged.”

“What was the news? Was it bad?” Ash asked. She felt her heart rate quicken with worry.

“It was kinda good and bad news.” Mackenzie answered. She knew there was no going back now. She had to tell them everything she knew. “The surgeon called us today. He said that he thinks he can help Sam.”

“That’s wonderful!” Ali replied. She didn’t see there being any bad part of that news. 

“Yeah, that is wonderful...” Mackenzie agreed. “But he said Sam will need at least two surgeries and maybe more. He won’t be able to walk without the help of crutches for at least six months. Maybe longer.”

Now Ashlyn knew why her son was so upset. She had questioned him about not using his crutches to get around. She added to the overwhelming discouragement he was feeling.

“Poor thing.” Ali replied sadly.

Ashlyn stood up and asked, “Where’s your bathroom?” She headed in the direction toward where Mackenzie had pointed, but didn’t end up where she said she was going. She snuck into the room where her son was supposed to be taking a nap. 

At first Ashlyn stood at the doorway and watched him sleep. His face looked tense and sad. She sat down next to him and closed her eyes. She thought of the good old days when her son simply needed a nap and some play time with his favorite dog to turn around a bad day.

“I know you’re here.” Sam announced. He sounded frustrated. Ashlyn wondered if he wanted her to leave, or was simply upset about his current health state. 

Ash replied, “I can leave...if you want.” Samuel shut his eyes tightly and then opened them. Ashlyn noticed they looked shiny. 

“No.” He answered. “I’m glad you’re here. It’s just been a hard day.”

“Mackenzie told us what the doctor said.” Ash said. “What are you going to do?”

“Do I really have a choice?” He asked. “Everybody expects me to get the surgery...or surgeries.” Sam corrected himself, emphasizing the plural form of the word surgery. He didn’t have just one surgery and recovery ahead of him, he had at least two. 

“You always have a choice, son...But why wouldn’t you want to get better?”

“I don’t know.” Sam answered. “I want to get better...but it feels like every time I try to get better, I end up worse.”

“Well...” Ash replied with an upbeat tone that sounded out of place after her son’s frustrated and sad confession. “You do have a choice, Bam. And you also have a lot of people who think they know what’s best for you. It’s because we love you.” 

Ashlyn smiled. Sam noticed his mother’s eyes become glossy as she added, “We love you more than you could ever know...but the decision is yours. You have to own it. You have to live with it.” 

Judging by the look Samuel was giving Ashlyn, she knew he was perplexed about why his mother was choosing to say what she said.

Ashlyn wanted to clear things up. “Sam-Bam, you can’t do it because we want you to. You can’t make the decision to do whatever is necessary for your health because of us. You have to choose it for yourself. Take it from me, I know. I’ve pushed myself harder over the years than anyone. I’ve taken doctor’s orders and family pleas lightly...and look where it’s gotten me.”

“You’re doing better now.” Sam encouraged.

Ashlyn shook her head in agreement and replied, “Yeah, but look how long it took, and how much of a toll it took on my body.”

Samuel still didn’t seem to be tracking with his Mama. Ashlyn wasn’t sure she had gotten through to him. She tried to clear things up one more time by adding, “It took me a long time to figure out that doing what was best for me was the best way to love you guys, but that I needed to want it for myself. People are always going to have an opinion. Some are going to say you’e not trying enough, or that you’re pushing yourself too hard. The only way to stay steady in all of that is to do it your way. Do it for you, and do it because you want to...not because a family member talked you into it...even if that awesome family member is me.” 

Ashlyn finished her words of wisdom with a small laugh and a kiss on the top of her son’s head. 

“Love you, Bam.” She added. 

Sam replied with a quick “Love you.” It didn’t sound very heartfelt. Ashlyn wasn’t offended. She was certain that he was distracted by their conversation. 

...

“Mom, did Kenze show you her garden while you were at her house?” Sam asked. 

It was family dinner night at the Krieger-Harris house. Sam and Mackenzie had arrived right before dinner. The family usually gathered a couple hours before the meal, but with Samuel’s health they knew that he couldn’t handle too long of a visit before needing to rest. They planned to have him eat and talk a little, and then lay down if he needed to. They worried that if he came at the normal time that he wouldn’t make it through dinner.

Ali was fussing over all of her children, but Samuel was receiving the majority of it. Ali had him sit down in his Mama’s favorite recliner and gave him a cup of hot chocolate and a piece of pie. Sam had just stuffed his face with a big bite before he asked about the garden.

“No, she didn’t. I might need to come visit you and check it out.” Ali answered. 

“You really do.” Sam replied. “Almost everything she eats comes out of that garden. You would love it.”

Ali thought about what she had prepared for dinner and got a little nervous. “You didn’t tell me she was a vegetarian.” She whispered. She tried to think back about all of the times they had shared a meal and couldn’t remember if Samuel’s girlfriend had eaten meat.

“Relax, Mom. She’s not. She just likes to eat healthy.” Sam replied with a smile. He knew exactly what his mother was thinking.

Mackenzie was in the backyard chatting with Lexi, Charlie, Rachel, and Jacob. Ali had sent her wife out to gather all of them for dinner. When they came inside Jake noticed his brother was wrapped up in a blanket with his feet up, and his mother hanging on his every word. 

“Mom, it’s time for dinner. Why are you giving him dessert early?” Jacob asked. He saw the pie and hot chocolate and rolled his eyes. His brother still had a way with getting whatever he wanted from their parents.

“He’s sick.” Ali said, trying to defend herself. 

Jacob answered cynically, “He’s a grown man that gets treated like a baby.” 

Mackenzie and the rest of the group from the back yard had trailed in behind Jacob. When she heard the words he was saying against her boyfriend, she chimed in. 

“He is not being treated like a baby.” Mackenzie said. “He’s being taken care of. It’s ok to be kind and loving toward people.” Kenzie smirked and added, “You should try it sometime.” 

“Anyway...” Ashlyn interrupted. A conversation discussing the amount of spoiling that was appropriate was going to get them nowhere. There was no end to what Ali would do to make her children feel loved. “...Isn’t it time for dinner?” 

Jacob rolled his eyes and headed to the dining room to take his seat at the table. When he looked behind him for his wife he saw her, along with everyone else, helping Samuel up and carrying his blanket, mug of hot chocolate, and pie. 

“My own wife.” He mumbled under his breath. He was going to have to tease Rachel later about siding with the enemy.

...

After dinner and a long talk at the table, Sam ended up going to his old room to take a nap. Jake watched Mackenzie and Ali help him up and follow him into the guest room. Samuel was quite a bit slower than usual because of his crutches and other health issues, but Jake wasn’t convinced that he needed so much help to get up and go to bed. 

Jacob waited until after Mackenzie and Ali had left the room before joining Samuel. He sat down roughly on his bed and said in a tone that sounded more judgmental than curious, “What are you doing?”

Sam was ready to fall asleep. His brother had completely caught him off guard. “What do you mean?’

“I mean...Why are you acting like a helpless little baby?”

“Rude.” Sam replied and rolled away from his big brother. 

He didn’t sound offended, so Jake continued, “Remember when I was really sick?”

Sam rolled back toward his brother and answered, “Yeah.”

“It was hard. I almost died...twice.” Jake said. “My son...he did die...during that last time.” Jacob’s tone had completely changed. He wasn’t acting like a tough, big brother anymore. He was being honest and vulnerable. Sam thought he might even break down right in front of him.

“I remember.” Sam said. He wasn’t sure where Jake wanted to go with this, but he wasn’t going to stop him.

“There was a moment when I thought I might lose Rachel, too...and I was ready to quit.” Jake explained.

Samuel knew the moment he was talking about. He had just lost his son, and Rachel’s life was in danger, too. Jacob had given up on eating, and even talking to his family. His entire world looked to be falling apart, and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

“Sam...” Jake said after a long, calming breath. “I was very sick. It was a long recovery. But it was worth it.”

Samuel knew immediately why his brother had chosen to talk about such an emotional story in that exact moment.

“I’m not giving up.” Sam replied. He felt like his brother was assuming that he didn’t care enough about his own health to try.

“I’m not saying that.” Jake said.

“Then what the heck are you saying?”

“I’m saying that you need to realize that a long recovery...whether it’s a year, or even longer...is nothing compared to you being able to live your life at it’s fullest. You have plenty to look forward to.”

“You think I should get the surgery.” Sam stated. It seemed clear that Jake had a reason for interrupting his nap time. 

“I think you should do whatever will allow you to be you.”

“That doesn’t make sense.” Sam replied. He wasn’t sure what his brother was trying to say. 

“Dude, you’re a risk taker. You’re an adventure guy. As far as I can tell, this health stuff has changed you. I don’t want you to settle because it’s easier to do nothing than to try something that might fail.”

Jake added, “Look man, I’m gonna give you some tough love. When I was sick, I had to fight just to take another breath. You’re worried about not being able to walk without a limp. Come on man, get over it.” Jacob stood to his feet, knowing that his brother’s patience was about to run out on him. “What about that girl in there?” He asked, referring to Mackenzie. “Are you gonna let her take care of you for the rest of your lives? Don’t you want to go on adventures...and travel...and help people? Sorry dude, but I don’t see why there would be any reason for you not to at least try to give her those things.” 

Jake left it at that. He didn’t say another word before he left a very worn out Samuel to think about what he had said. 

...

Lexi helped carry the leftovers that Ali had sent home with Samuel and Mackenzie. Sam had been quiet after he woke up from his nap, and Kenzie took that as a sign that they needed to go home. 

“Love you.” Lexi said as she hugged her brother before he got into the passenger side of his girlfriend’s car. 

Sam quietly replied, “You too.” 

As Sam bent down to get into the car Lexi pulled him back out and said, “Hey, are you ok?”

“Yeah.” Sam replied, purposely avoiding eye contact with his sister.

“Hey...” Lexi replied and used her hand to turn his head toward her. She waited until he met her eyes. “Sammy, what did Jacob say?” 

Lexi had watched their older brother sneak into Sam’s room. She also saw his face when he made his exit. She knew something was up.

“He called it tough love.” Sam answered.

Lex shared a quick look with Mackenzie and replied, “Don’t let him discourage you. You know how he is.” 

“It didn’t discourage me. It just made me think.” Sam explained. 

It was a half lie. He was a little discouraged. He felt like his brother confirmed his earlier worries about not having much to offer his girlfriend. But more than anything, it gave him another perspective to think about. His brother had taught him a long time ago what it meant to be a hero. He would never give up on someone else who needed him...He was struggling to understand why he was so quick to give up on himself. 

Lexi could tell that her brother didn’t feel like talking. She gave him one last hug and then gave her attention to Sam’s girlfriend. “Kenze, are we still on for tomorrow?” 

“Definitely.” Mackenzie answered with a smile. 

“See you tomorrow, Sammy.” She said and carefully closed the car door. She waited for them to drive off before returning inside to yell at her big brother.

...

“Are you gonna tell me what’s bothering you?” Mackenzie asked. 

Samuel had not been acting like himself since leaving his parents’ house.

“Yeah, I guess.” Sam answered.

Kenzie laughed and said, “Well, don’t sound too excited.”

Mackenzie’s light hearted joke made Sam smile. He really loved the girl. 

“My brother said something that got me thinking.” 

“Lexi texted me and said she yelled at him. Do I need to go beat him up?”

Samuel smiled and said, “No. He was right.” He adjusted his leg to try to get it in a more comfortable position and asked, “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“Would you think I was crazy if I said I wanted to climb a mountain?”

Mackenzie didn’t seem shocked, or surprised, by the question. “No, not at all. Why?”

“I was just thinking...maybe we could climb a mountain one day. Would you like that?”

“Yeah. I’d love it.”

Sam carefully observed his girlfriend's face. His concentration halted the conversation long enough for Mackenzie to question it.

“What are you doing?” She asked. 

With narrowed eyes and a furrowed brow, he answered, “I’m trying to figure out if you really believe that I can climb a mountain.”

“Maybe not today...but you will be able to one day.”

“You really believe that?” He asked. His voice was small and his heart was open. 

“Absolutely!” 

Sam took a deep breath in and held it while he determined if she was telling the truth. He exhaled slowly and said, “I want to climb a mountain. I want to go on adventures and make a difference in the world. I want to do it all with you.”

Mackenzie’s face lit up. She couldn’t think of a better way to spend her life. 

...

 

Before Sam could climb a literal mountain with Mackenzie, he needed to climb another type of mountain. It took three surgeries and over a year and a half of recovery, but Sam was finally able to take Kenzie on a mountain climbing adventure that would end up changing both of their lives forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For more details about Ali (and Ashlyn) when she had her mini heart attacks read Chapter 54: Love is Patient.


	261. A Christmas Surprise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a FLASHFORWARD chapter.
> 
> I'm hoping to have another chapter posted tonight, or tomorrow. 
> 
> No promises, though.

“You’re going to break Mama’s heart.” Lexi scolded her brother in disapproval.

Sam took a huge bite of steak and replied, “You always say that. You can’t say that every time you want me to do something. It loses it’s manipulative power.”

“It’s not manipulative to tell the truth.” Lex argued.

“Everything about this is manipulative.” Sam replied. “You only take me out when you want to convince me of something. If you didn’t have an agenda, then Charles would have been invited and we would go to some swanky, organic, healthy place.”

“I’m offended at your accusations.” Lexi replied dramatically. She held out her hand towards her brother as if to block any further debate with her palm. “Charlie would be here, but she has to work. I’m just trying to be nice to my little brother and take him out to a nice dinner that I know he would like. No agenda. No manipulation involved.”

“Sure.” Sam replied in disbelief. He really didn’t care all that much about his sister’s intentions. His steak was too delicious to let her conversation ruin it.

“But, I am being serious about you breaking Mom and Mama’s heart.” Lexi said, going back to what had caused the argument in the first place. “How can you possibly think it’s ok to miss Christmas?”

“Lex, Kenzie and her dad always travel during Christmas.” Sam explained. 

Lexi shook her head in disapproval and answered, “She hasn’t even invited you yet. You’re being a little presumptuous. And why is it that your plans have to be the ones that change? Our family has our own traditions. Plus they’re both adults. We have Jake’s kids to think about. Who’s gonna dress up like Santa if you’re not here?”

“If she asks me I’m gonna say yes. There’s no reason that you can give me that will change my mind.” Sam replied. “Besides, you’ve got your fiancé and our million family members. You’ll never miss me.” Samuel took a sip of soda and added, “And you can dress up like Santa Clause if you’re so worried about it.”

“I just don’t think it’s fair. Our parents deserve better.” Lexi said judgmentally.

Sam put down his fork and said, “Kenzie deserves better too. You tell me what I should do....” Sam put one finger up and added, “But it has to be fair.”

“You should invite her to be with us.” Lexi answered.

Samuel rolled his eyes and said, “Fair doesn’t mean that you get whatever you want and Kenze has to deal with it.”

...

“Baby, I need you.” Ali called out to her wife. Ashlyn was busy cleaning up a spill on their kitchen counter when she heard Ali’s voice.

“What?” Ash yelled out toward the direction where her wife’s voice came from.

“Ashhhh.....lyyyynnnnn...” Ali whined, holding out each syllable.

“Whaaaa....uuuuuutttt?” Ash asked, matching Ali’s tone and rhythm.

“Come here.” 

Ashlyn laughed to herself and decided to give her wife what she wanted. She sauntered toward her with a smirk and sat down in Ali’s lap, making herself as big as she could, much like she did when playing in goal during her glory days.

“Ugh!” Ali groaned. “You weigh a thousand pounds.”

“Excuse you!” Ash said, acting as if she was offended. 

“Your dense muscle weight is crushing me.” Ali gasped.

Ash answered with a laugh. “That’s a little better.” She smashed her butt in Al’s lap and wiggled it back and forth before rolling to the couch cushion next to her wife.

Ali put her arms around Ash and pulled her back towards her. “When did you get so annoying?” Ali asked. 

Her question wasn’t offensive. Ashlyn loved getting on her wife’s nerves, in a good natured, fun sort of way. She considered it her calling in life. 

Ali cut off her wife’s response of laughter with a pinch to Ashlyn’s stomach and said, “You’re lucky you’re so cute.”

“I am lucky, aren’t I?” Ash replied. Her laughter filled the room. “Sorry, babe.” Ash caught her breath and calmed down to ask, “What did you want from me, anyway?” 

“Have you heard from Lex about Sam and Mackenzie?”

“Not yet.”

“Do you think she’ll be successful in convincing Sammy?”

Ashlyn shrugged and then answered, “Knowing her, she’ll pull it off.” Ash smiled with confident pride and added, “My little princess is a great actress.”

...

After Sam and Lexi’s lunch date, he stopped at a restaurant to pick up something for Mackenzie. The couple had gotten into a small argument before he left and when Sam called to check up on his girlfriend he noticed her voice sounded like she had a cold. It made him feel worse about their fight. He felt like he should have noticed that she was sick. 

With the handles of a plastic bag between his teeth, he carried in the soup he had purchased for Mackenzie. He was almost completely better from the pulmonary embolism he suffered, but he was still unable to walk without crutches. He could drive as long as he wasn’t experiencing any pain, but walking was too much weight for his leg to hold on it’s own. He had learned to get creative when it came to carrying things. 

Samuel stopped at the refrigerator and stuffed a couple bottles into his pockets and then brought his offering to Mackenzie.

“Sorry you’re sick.” Sam said. His greeting was muffled from having to keep his mouth mostly shut to carry the bag.

Kenzie cleared her throat and coughed a couple of times before answering, “Sorry I called you stubborn.” Mackenzie took the bag from Samuel and added, “You didn’t have to get me anything.”

Before Samuel sat down on the edge of Mackenzie’s bed, he emptied his pockets and said, “Which one?” In his left hand he had a sports drink. In his right hand he had a bottle of water. She chose the water and he kept the sports drink for himself. “You know, you should probably drink this, too. For the electrolytes and stuff...at least that’s what my Mom would say.”

“Later.” She replied. 

“There’s a spoon in the bag.” Sam added. “And a napkin.”

“Thanks.” 

“I wasn’t sure what you would want, so I just got chicken noodle, and some crackers.”

Samuel’s tone was apologetic and a little sad. Mackenzie felt bad. “Hey.” She whispered. It was easier to whisper than to speak normally. Her throat felt like sandpaper. The woman reached for Sam’s hand and kissed it. “Thank you.”

“Sorry about earlier.” Sam said.

“I’m sorry I upset you.”

“I was just frustrated.” Sam confessed. “I didn’t know how to explain what I was feeling.”

The two had gotten into an argument after Mackenzie asked Sam to move in with her. He had been staying with her since he was released from the hospital because she was able to give him more attention than his parents, or siblings. 

However, now that he was healthy, he didn’t need to be under her care any longer. She felt they needed to have a conversation about what was next for them. Mackenzie didn’t want her boyfriend to leave. She didn’t think he wanted to leave either, but when she mentioned it, he made an excuse about her house being too far from where he worked. When she suggested that they get an apartment together closer to his mother’s gym, he said that that wasn’t practical, considering that she had a big house of her own already.

Mackenzie felt like she couldn’t win. Every idea she came up with, Sam quickly gave a reason why it wouldn’t work. That’s when he had to leave to meet his sister and she yelled at him about his stubbornness as he left on his crutches. Kenzie had been feeling super guilty about it since he left.

“Do you think you can explain it now?” Mackenzie asked. 

Samuel shrugged and sighed quietly.

“Why can’t you say?” Mackenzie asked.

“It’s not something that normal people do.” Sam answered.

Mackenzie narrowed her eyes as she tried to decipher her boyfriend’s statement. “When have we ever considered ourselves normal?” 

Sam smiled at Kenzie’s question. It was true. Neither of them wanted to be normal. Maybe he was overreacting. The truth about what was bothering him was that his girlfriend’s wealth put him in a position where he was constantly benefiting. 

He felt like he was walking a tightrope.

In order for Sam to be able to live with himself he had to balance not taking advantage of his girlfriend’s extravagant generosity, while trying to do everything in his power to make her happy. 

To Mackenzie money wasn’t an issue. It literally wasn’t. She felt that it had no strings attached to it. It was not unusual for her to spend thousands of dollars on a stranger if she thought it would help them. Samuel was becoming the person she felt the most love for in her life. She couldn’t help but want to use her fortunate circumstances to make Sam’s life better, or easier. 

Their perspectives were so different. It sometimes made simple things complicated.

“Kenze, I feel like it’s too much to ask. I’d be taking advantage of you.”

“How could you say that? It’s not like that. It makes sense for us to be together. I know you want it too.”

Samuel sighed again. He didn’t have a better answer for her. “You said you would buy an apartment building, or another house.” He was getting frustrated again. The whole thing seemed absurd and irrational. Who buys a building like it’s no big deal? “You said your dad owns a hotel and we could live there.”

Mackenzie listened in confusion. She didn’t see the problem. “Well, you don’t want to live here. You say it’s too far. You don’t want to live with your parents anymore. Are you wanting to live alone?” Kenzie asked.

“No.”

“What do you want, Sam? All I really want is for you to be happy. So, you decide.”

Sam glanced at his girlfriend’s lunch and found a way out of the conversation. “Your soup’s getting cold.”

“I don’t care.”

“It’s supposed to have magic healing powers....but you have to eat it while it’s hot. Thats’s the rule.”

Samuel watched as his girlfriend’s eyes started to glisten. His inability to make sense of what he was thinking was hurting her. And he absolutely hated himself for it.

“Kenze, don’t cry.” Sam’s voice was soft and tender.

The sick woman wiped at her eyes and said, “It’s probably just allergies.”

“You’re a bad liar.”

“So are you.”

Samuel took the lid off of the soup container and offered Mackenzie a spoonful of soup. She took it as a sort of peace offering. “Will you give me a little time to think about everything? I don’t want to hurt your feelings.” Sam said.

With the spoon still in her mouth she nodded yes. 

Samuel fed her another spoonful of the magic healing soup and said, “Thanks. I promise I’m not trying to make things difficult.”

“I know.”

“Sometimes I have a hard time explaining what I’m feeling.” Sam admitted. 

“I know. Me, too.” 

Samuel brought another spoonful of soup to his girlfriend's lips and said, “We’re quite a pair.”

...

“Your Mom wanted me to ask you if you’re gonna be around for dinner?” Ash asked. Her son was seated in an overstuffed leather chair in her office looking overwhelmed.

Sam was distracted by something and missed his mother’s question. 

“Sam-Bam.” Ash said loudly.

Ashlyn’s voice startled Samuel. After a slight jump, he gave his mother his full attention.

“Your Mom wanted to know if you’ll be around for dinner.”

“Oh...sorry.” Sam answered. “Um, no. Kenze is sick.”

“I hope it’s nothing serious.” Ash replied. Her son’s behavior made her wonder.

“No, it’s just a cold.”

“What’s wrong, son?”

Sam thought about giving a generic answer to his mother’s question, but he was desperate for some advice.

“I don’t know. I’m really confused.” He put his head in his hands and closed his eyes. 

Ashlyn stood up from her desk and closed her office door to give them some privacy. She sat on the corner of her desk to get closer to her son. 

“What’s going on?” Ash finally asked. She crossed her arms in front of her chest and leaned in.

With his head still in his hands, Sam answered, “Lex is mad at me. I made Kenzie cry...and I don’t know if I have a good reason to feel how I’m feeling.”

Ashlyn knew about Lexi. It was part of a plan that she had come up with to help Mackenzie surprise Sam for Christmas. Ashlyn was torn. She felt like she should tell him. Lexi wasn’t mad at him. Ash could at least ease his mind about his sister’s latest dramatics.

“Bam, you have every reason to feel however it is you’re feeling.”

Sam laughed in response. Ashlyn was always trying to make people know that their feelings were valid and allowed. 

“Ma, that’s not what I meant.” Sam replied with a smile. “Kenze wants me to move in with her. And I don’t know what I should do.”

Ashlyn narrowed her eyes and asked, “You’re not living with her now?”

“Not officially.” Sam answered. He felt like his mother’s question made his insecurities seem irrelevant. He was sorta living with Mackenzie already. “Everything we do, or have, is because of her family’s wealth. I don’t feel right about it. And I can’t say that to Kenzie. She’s not to blame...I mean, she hasn’t done anything wrong...but still.”

“What if the two of you were married? Would you feel the same way?” Ashlyn asked. 

Sam’s face made it clear that he wasn’t ready to answer, so Ash continued, “When your Mom first started the shelter, I was supporting her with all the money we brought in. Of course, she played a big part in the business being successful, but if you want to get technical, it’s my business...My money.”

Samuel squirmed a little in his seat. He was uncomfortable that his mother would ever say that her money belonged only to her. It didn’t fit with the way that his parents had handled their money in the past.

“It sounds wrong, doesn’t it?” Ash asked. “That’s because it is wrong. Because we’re partners in everything. That’s the deal. There have been times when she’s brought in more money than me. Some times I brought in more money. But we did everything together. Maybe you aren’t ready to go there with Mackenzie. But you’re not some slacker that doesn’t work for a living. You’re not sitting on the couch letting her take care of you. You’re doing a great job being part of your family business...which is kinda exactly what Mackenzie is doing too. So you can’t blame her for that.”

“I don’t blame her for anything. It’s not her fault I feel like this. She hasn’t done anything wrong. She’s perfect.”

Ashlyn stifled a laugh and said, “You’re in deep, son.”

“What does that mean?” 

“Oh...I think you’ll figure it out.”

...

“Hey...” Lexi said and greeted Mackenzie with a hug, “I heard you’re sick.”

Charlie and Lexi met Samuel’s girlfriend for lunch. Samuel had no idea.

After receiving a hug from Lexi’s fiance, Mackenzie answered. “It’s a little cold. I think I’m on the mend. But you may not want to be too close to me today.” 

Charlie jokingly moved Lexi in between them to act as a barrier to shield her from Mackenzie’s germs. 

“I won’t keep you long.” Kenzie said. She jokingly added, “And I promise not to cough on you.”

Just before she said that Charlie had pulled the collar of her coat up to cover her nose and mouth. Lexi yanked it down and replied, “She’s kidding. Don’t take her too seriously today. She got way too much sleep and is using her extra energy to be a little prankster. My fiancé has been a handful all morning.”

Charlie put her head down and tried to contain her smile. She had, in fact, been a handful. She messed with Lexi’s breakfast, pretended to cut off her finger, and dramatically fell to the ground and acted as if she were dead when they were leaving to meet Kenzie. 

Lexi added, “I thought she would be my future wife, but it turns out she’s actually my current child.”

Charlie quickly defended herself, “Only when I’m over rested. And that rarely happens.” 

“This is true.” Lexi agreed. “But I’m gonna have to find ways to wear you out, or we’re not gonna make it through Christmas vacation.” 

“I like the sound of that.” Charlie chimed in with a big smile. Her insinuation completely embarrassed Lexi in front of Mackenzie.

Lexi’s face turned bright red and after apologizing she elbowed her fiancé in the stomach. Lexi’s response only encouraged Charlie’s behavior. All through lunch she found ways to sneakily inappropriately touch Lexi under the table. It took all of Lex’s self control to maintain a straight face.

After lunch the women visited a familiar place to Lexi. She had recently taken Samuel there. The three women were on a top secret mission to pick out Sam’s Christmas present from Mackenzie.

Once the perfect gift had been selected, Lexi and Charlie were in charge of taking it to their home to keep until Christmas. Mackenzie didn’t want Sam to find it before Christmas morning.

...

 

Sam tried to be quiet when he arrived at his girlfriend’s house after work. While he was away he had imagined Mackenzie barely getting out of bed all day. He was in the middle of trying to figure out what he would make her for dinner when he noticed that she wasn’t in bed at all. She was sitting on the couch reading a book. 

“You’re up.” Sam said as he approached her. 

Mackenzie’s face brightened up the moment she heard his voice. “You’re home.” She replied and patted the empty space of the couch next to her. Sam didn’t sit, he laid down and let his head rest in her lap. She played with his hair and asked, “Tough day?”

“Not really...but yeah, sorta.” 

“That’s clear.” Mackenzie laughed.

“Sorry. My brain is just a little messed up right now.” Sam apologized.

“Are you upset about yesterday? You don’t need to be.”

“Yes, I do. I made you cry. And I don’t feel any closer to being able to explain why.”

“Sam, you don’t need to feel bad. I’m not trying to pressure you, or rush you. Take your time. It’s ok.”

Samuel closed his eyes and replied, “You’re too good for me.”

“Not true.” Mackenzie said. “I would spend the next few hours explaining to you why you’re the one who’s too good for me, but we need to go.”

“Go where?” Sam asked. 

“Your brother’s birthday dinner.”

Sam opened his eyes and found Kenzie’s kind eyes looking down at him and said, “We’re not going.”

“Why not?”

“You’re sick. I told my parents we weren’t able to make it.”

“Even if I was too sick to go, which I’m not, you would still need to go. He’s your big brother. If I had a big brother, nothing would stop me from going to his birthday dinner.” Mackenzie argued.

“He’s old. We’ve had like a million birthday dinners. It’s no big deal. Besides, you’re sick.” Sam countered. 

“I am not that sick. I’m feeling much better. We are going to your brother’s dinner.” Mackenzie replied. She gave Samuel’s head a warning tap that she was getting up. He sat up and tried to put together what his girlfriend had said. 

“You really want to go?” Sam asked. 

Kenzie answered, “The dinner starts in an hour. Meaning we have to leave in the next fifteen minutes. I’m going with, or without, you.”

On the way to his parents’ house Sam stared at his girlfriend while she drove. He felt like everything happened so fast. One minute he thought he was going to spend the evening nursing his sick girlfriend back to health, and the next minute she’s driving him to a family party. 

When did his life get so domestic and normal?

...

“Happy birthday, bro.” Sam said as he found his brother in their parents’ backyard.

The family had eaten dinner at Jacob’s favorite steakhouse, which also happened to be Ashlyn’s favorite. It was the place that Jake’s social worker brought him to meet Ali and Ashlyn about taking him in as a foster son. The rest is history, but the restaurant had great sentimental value to the entire family. 

After dinner, the family gathered at Ali and Ashlyn’s house to have cake and ice cream, while Jacob opened his gifts. Towards the end of the night Jake went outside in the cold to help his kids build a snowman. Samuel followed him out, moving slow because of his crutches in the snow.

“Thanks.” Jacob answered. He nodded toward the swing set, knowing that it would probably be more comfortable for his brother to sit down.

Once the two brothers were seated, Jacob asked, “How have you been? You seem a little off tonight.”

“Do I?” Sam asked. He stretched his right leg out and massaged around his knee. It wasn’t hurting too much, but it did feel a little stiff.

“A little.”

Sam thought for a moment about how he should answer. Jacob was the most steady and unemotional of his family members. Maybe he was the one that could help him figure out what was going on in his heart and mind. 

“I’m really confused.” Sam admitted. “Kenze wants to move in together.”

“Aren’t you guys already living together?” Jacob asked, sounding just like their mother earlier that day.

“Ma said the same thing.” Sam answered. “It was supposed to be temporary. She was taking care of me when I was sick. Now I’m feeling better and it’s time to make a decision.”

“You’re confused about the decision?”

“Yeah, I guess. I mean. No....I mean, I want to live with her...but...I don’t know.”

“So, yeah...you’re confused about the decision.” Jake said with a laugh. “Why wouldn’t you want to live with her?”

“She has a house and it’s so far from where I work. I don’t think it’s practical. And then she said we can get an apartment closer, but how does that make sense? I mean, she already has a house.”

Jake nodded with a slight smile on his face and asked, “Are you worried about the cost of gas? Does your truck have a hard time on long trips?”

Sam didn’t like that his brother seemed to be making fun of him. But he changed his mind once Jake continued his thought.

“The two of you don’t need to worry about being practical. Maybe I am being distasteful in talking about you and Mackenzie’s finances, and I know that it might sound wasteful, or extravagant. But she definitely isn’t hurting for money....and neither are you for that matter. You may not be a millionaire, but you make good money from your disability with the fire department, and you happen to be the second in command of a successful franchise of health centers. I think you can afford the extra gas it will cost.”

“I guess it’s not about the money.” Sam replied. Jake’s reasoning was blunt, but logical. Even though Samuel was still figuring things out, his brother helped make it a lot clearer.

“Then what’s it about?” Jacob asked.

Sam furrowed his brow and chewed on his lower lip. Jacob could tell he was processing through his thoughts and feelings to come up with an answer. 

“I guess it’s about me not wanting to be away from her for so long.” Sam replied. Relief filled him as he figured out why it had bothered him so much. 

“What do you mean?” Jacob asked. Now it was his turn to be confused. Moving in together usually meant that they would spend MORE time together, not LESS.

“I would have to drive a little over an hour to get to work. That’s at least two hours of drive time a day. Sometimes I have to work late because I want Ma to be able to go home. I would have to be away from Kenzie for most of the day.” Sam answered. 

Jacob laughed and said, “You’ve got it bad for this girl.”

“Huh?” Sam grunted in Jake’s direction. He was still focused on the fact that he had somewhat figured out his confusing feelings.

“Let me give you some advice, little brother.” Jacob said. “And you know you can trust my wisdom now that I’m another year older.”

“Ok.” 

“Give her whatever she wants. That’s really what you want. You want to make her happy. Love isn’t practical. Don’t stress out about things you don’t need to stress out about. Keep it simple. You love her. She loves you. Do whatever you have to do to be happy.”

...

“Has Sam-Bam said anything to you about your trip?” Ashlyn asked Mackenzie, who had volunteered to help her wash dishes.

“No. I think he’s hoping I forget.” Mackenzie answered with a laugh.

Ashlyn handed her son’s girlfriend a glass to dry and replied, “Poor kid. He’s got a lot on his mind these days.” 

“Did he say something to you?” Kenzie asked. She figured that he would talk to Ashlyn about his confusing feelings. 

“He did. I’m not going to go into detail, but I can tell you that he thinks very highly of you.”

“I think very highly of him, too.” Mackenzie confessed. 

“I know you do. That’s the only reason why I approve of you.” Ashlyn said, making it sound like a joke, but the truth was she was completely serious. “So, you’re dad is ok with you staying here for Christmas?”

“Yeah. He said he knew the time would come eventually. He said he felt like he was lucky to have had so many years with just me and him. Thankfully he loves Samuel, or else I don’t think he would be as supportive about it.”

“I still can’t believe Sam hasn’t asked you about it? Christmas is just a few days away.”

“I think it has to do with the fact that we’re both free spirits. We don’t need to know what we’re doing from day to day.” Mackenzie replied. She hadn’t really thought much of Samuel not asking her about her annual trip. 

When they first started dating it was something that she brought up in a conversation when they had been talking about family vacations. Lexi had mentioned it to Mackenzie recently and asked what her plans were for this year. That’s when the two of them had come up with a plan to throw Sam off from their real plan.

Lexi would bring up the annual trip and lecture Sam about how it would hurt their parents’ feelings if he missed Christmas. Kenzie, on the other hand, would avoid the subject. Their hope was that he would be so distracted trying to figure out where he was spending the holiday that he wouldn’t have a clue of what his girlfriend was getting him for Christmas. Mackenzie was a horrible liar. She knew there was no way she could keep it a secret without a little help from his family.

Mackenzie thought about the fact the Sam had not asked her about her trip and it made her question if she should have tried to be so sneaky.

“Do you think it hurt his feelings that I didn’t ask him?” Mackenzie asked. 

Ashlyn stopped washing the dish that she was holding and answered honestly, “I really don’t know. He hasn’t said anything to me about it. Maybe it’s time to tell him that you’re not going anywhere.”

“Maybe. I don’t want him to feel bad.”

“Trust me. Once he sees his gift, he’ll be the happiest guy in the world.” Ashlyn said. She knew her son well and wasn’t worried at all about his reaction. She loved that Mackenzie loved him so much.

...

That night Mackenzie did let Samuel know that they would be spending Christmas with his family. She hoped that in the two days that followed she wouldn’t ruin Sam’s surprise. 

“Are you sure?” Sam asked. “You don’t have to stay because of me.”

“You are exactly why I’m staying.” Kenzie replied. She kissed Sam before adding, “Daddy said he’ll take us somewhere warm in January.”

“What about your dad? He’s gonna be alone.”

“We’re having dinner with him.” Mackenzie answered. “Plus he said he’s got a hot date. I’m thinking he’s gonna be just fine.”

“That’s good.” Sam said. He was satisfied with his girlfriend's answer. He didn’t want her father to be hurt by the change of holiday plans. “Hey, I um...wanted to talk to about something.” Sam needed to change the subject.

“Sure.” Mackenzie replied with a smile. She found a seat in her boyfriend’s lap and kissed his neck.

Samuel loved how affectionate his girlfriend was, but he needed to stay focused. Otherwise, they wouldn’t be getting any talking done for the rest of the night.

“So, after talking to Jake I think I know why I’m so hesitant about moving in.” 

The word ‘hesitant’ got Kenzie’s attention. She wasn’t sure she liked where the conversation was headed.

Sam continued, “The drive would be too far. It would take almost two hours a day.”

Samuel felt Mackenzie stiffen in his arms. She wasn’t understanding what he was trying to say and he needed to quickly make it clear.

“I think we should get a place closer to where I work. I know it’s not financially practical, but I don’t want to be so far away from you while I’m at work. I would miss you too much.” Sam explained.

And just like that, the tension disappeared. Sam felt as if his girlfriend's body had melted in his arms. 

He continued, “I’m sorry it took me so long to figure out what I was feeling. Honestly Kenze, you make me crazy. I feel like my head is spinning and all I really know is that I want to make you happy.”

Sam gave Kenzie a loving squeeze and said, “If you want me to move in here, I will. I’ll do whatever you want.”

“We can get another place.” Mackenzie said. Her words were muffled. She lifted her head to repeat herself and Sam noticed tears. 

“What’s wrong? I’m sorry.” He apologized.

She softly kissed his lips and answered, “Nothing’s wrong. You make me so happy.”

“So...are we moving in together?”

Mackenzie nodded and excitedly hugged Samuel. 

“I love you.” She whispered. 

Sam didn’t need to say it, she already knew, but he said it anyway, “I love you, too.”

...

On Christmas morning, Sam dressed up like Santa Clause and made a surprise visit to a nearby children’s hospital. After a late breakfast the family opened their presents and shared their favorite Christmas memories. Sam and Mackenzie had decided to give their gifts to each other in private, so Samuel wasn’t expecting the final gift to be for him.

“Close your eyes.” Mackenzie said. 

“Why? What’s going on?” Sam asked. He had been the one informing his girlfriend of the Krieger-Harris holiday traditions all day. It now seemed like his girlfriend knew more than she had let on.

“There’s one more gift, but you have to close your eyes.” Lexi answered for Mackenzie.

“You’re in on this, too?” He asked in an accusing tone.

“We all are.” Ali replied. 

“Ma?” Sam asked, looking to Ashlyn for some sort of camaraderie.

“Sorry, Bam. It’s for your own good.” Ash answered with a smile. “Now close your eyes.”

Samuel obeyed and let his girlfriend lead him upstairs to his old room he had when he was a baby. She tried to talk over the noises that were coming from the room, but worried that Sam would have it figured out before the big reveal. 

“Open your eyes.” Mackenzie instructed.

When Sam opened his eyes he saw the cutest little puppy with a big red bow loosely tied around her neck. Charlie had fallen in love with the dog while she was puppy-sitting with her fiancé. She was holding the puppy out with tears in her eyes, not because she was happy, but because she was sad to see her new friend go.

The entire family had followed Samuel and Mackenzie to the surprise and once Sam had taken the pup, Lexi pulled her fiancé away from the commotion. 

“I scheduled an appointment for tomorrow. We’re getting a puppy, too.” Lexi said. 

“We are?” Charlie asked. Her tears started up again and all Lexi could do was give her a comforting hug. The stayed quiet while the rest of the family gushed over Samuel’s present.

“What do you think?” Kenzie asked.

 Sam held the dog up and let her lick his whole face. Ali shook her head. She hated that her kids let animals lick their lips, but she couldn’t be anything but happy for her son.

“I love her.” He said. He turned his head away from the dog and added, “I love you.”

The rest of the time with the Krieger-Harris family was spent with Sam, Charlie, and the kids playing with the new puppy. When it was time for Samuel and Kenzie to go meet her father, Mackenzie said, “I guess we’re gonna have to find an apartment that allows pets.”

“I guess so.” Sam said as he kissed his Christmas present’s nose. 

...

“Another family Christmas has come to an end.” Ali said. 

She let her wife hold her as they stared at their Christmas tree. Underneath it, where there were loads of presents, was now bare. There was a hint of sadness in her voice.

“It was a good one.” Ash replied. She kissed Ali’s cheek and added, “Don’t be sad. Time feels shorter between Christmases now. Before you know it, we’ll be wrapping presents and sitting around the tree again.”

“I know.” Ali said. “I just wish we could make time slow down a little. I miss our kids. I miss it all.”

Ashlyn hugged her wife tightly and said, “We’re just getting started, Babe.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas, everyone! I hope that you have a great time with your family. 
> 
> For those who may not feel warm fuzzies at Christmas time, please know that I am thinking about you and you are not alone.


	262. Together Forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a FLASHBACK chapter of Ash and Ali's first Christmas as parents.

“Baby, are you serious?” Ali asked. Her wife was dressed up as Santa Claus. They were up late putting their children’s presents under the tree.

“Lex might wake up. If she catches us I want her to think Santa brought these gifts.” Ash explained.

“You’re ridiculous. She has no idea what’s going on.”

“Our little princess is a genius. Don’t underestimate her.”

“Ash, she’s two.”

Ashlyn replied with confidence in her reasoning, “She’s a two year old genius.”

“Baby, she’s scared to death of Santa. You saw how she acted when we tried to get a picture with him at the mall. She screamed and ran away.” Ali said, reminding her wife of little Lexi’s grinch-like behavior.

“Alex, this is our first Christmas with them. Everything has to be perfect!”

“I agree. But remember they are little and won’t understand all of this stuff. I don’t want you to be disappointed.”

Ali had Sam’s baby monitor in her back pocket. When they heard his cries, Ash volunteered to check on him. 

As Ash left to take care of their son, Ali said, “You might wanna take off the beard if you don’t want to traumatize our baby.”

...

Ashlyn fell asleep with Samuel in her arms. Ali found her the next morning in the nursery, sitting in a rocking chair. 

Ali whispered, “Baby, should we wake up the kids?”

Ash was dreaming about something when she heard a familiar voice, but it didn’t register in her consciousness.

“Ash...” Ali said a little louder. She shook her wife’s shoulder and resorted to a pinch when the gentle approach didn’t work.

Ashlyn flinched from the pain and woke up Samuel in the process. The boy started to cry and Ali felt her heart sink. She wanted her children to wake up, but she didn’t mean to scare her baby. 

“Alex, what is your problem?” Ashlyn whisper-yelled. She stood up and protectively held Samuel close to her. She lightly bounced him up and down in her arms, desperate to calm him down.

“I’m sorry.” Ali whispered regretfully. She rubbed Sam’s back and kissed his tear covered cheek. “I just wanted to show the kids their presents.”

“What happened to ‘They’re too young to understand?’” 

“Maybe they're not.” Ali answered hopefully.

Ashlyn couldn’t stay mad. Her wife’s excitement was extremely cute. 

“Santa and her little helper need a few minutes.” Ash said referring to the extra time it would take to get Samuel calm and ready for the holiday festivities. “Maybe you can work on waking up Lexi the elf.” 

“Really?” Ali asked. The corners of her mouth started to turn upward. 

“I guess.” Ash said with an exhausted sigh added for effect. 

The women shared a quick peck on the lips before separating to prepare their children for their first visit from Santa Claus.

...

“Babe, I don’t know why you’re in such a hurry.” Ash said. She had both sleepy children in her arms. “Your Dad isn’t gonna be here for another hour.”

“I know. I kinda got ahead of myself.” Ali admitted. She kissed both of her babies’ heads and asked, “What should we do?”

“I don’t know.” Ash said with a shrug. “This is my first Christmas with kids, too.”

“Should we sing Christmas carols?”

Ashlyn laughed loudly. “Are you joking?”

“I don’t know. I’m just trying to suggest something Christmasy.” 

“You know what? Maybe we should sing. If your attempt at singing the high note of O Holy Night doesn’t wake the kids up, then nothing will.” Ash joked. 

Ali playfully slapped her wife’s arm and took Samuel from her. She whispered loudly so everyone could hear, “Sammy, you love when I sing, don’t you? Your Mama doesn’t know what she’s talking about. I sound just like Mariah Carey.”

“When’s your next album coming out, Mariah?” Ash joked. She carried little Lexi to the kitchen and continued to make fun of Ali’s singing voice. 

Ashlyn’s wife was relieved when she heard the doorbell thirty minutes earlier than expected. 

“Sorry.” Ali’s Dad apologized. “I couldn’t wait any longer.” 

He carried in a large box filled with smaller wrapped boxes. 

Ken kissed his daughter’s cheek and said, “I just about bought the whole toy store.” 

Ali gave her wife a pointed look and said, “See...I’m not the only one who’s excited.”

“I never said I wasn’t excited. I’m excited. I’m probably more excited than you.” Ash answered.

“Yeah, right.” Ali replied. “In your dreams.”

Ali’s father stepped in and stopped the immature argument and said, “Ok, children. I think we should focus on the littler children now.” 

Ken carried his presents to the living room and added them to the overflowing pile around the tree. “It looks like I’m not the only one who went overboard.” Ken said. He reached out to Ali for his grandson. 

Samuel loved his grandpa. He perked up and smiled as soon as he felt Ken’s touch.

Ashlyn held her daughter and whispered, “Are you ready to open presents? Santa stopped by last night. He told us you were a very good girl. He brought you lots of presents.”

“Grandpa Santa?” Lexi asked and pointed at Ali’s father.

Both Ash and Ali’s eyes grew big with excitement. “She understands!” Ali said.

“Grandpa isn’t Santa. But he does think you’re a very good girl. He brought you presents. But Santa Claus brought you presents, too.”

Ali ordered that everyone sit down and get ready to open gifts. One by one, the new parents passed out presents. Samuel was happy with the bright colors of the wrapping paper and Christmas lights. Lexi was more involved with what was going on. Her smile and cheers didn’t disappoint. 

Both women declared their first Christmas as a family a huge success.

...

“I will never forget Lexi’s face.” Ash said quietly. Both children, along with their grandpa, were sleeping in the midst of a pile of unwrapped toys and clothes. “Christmas is so different when you have kids. It takes a whole new meaning.”

“I know what you mean.” Ali agreed. “It becomes all about them.”

“Best thing ever!” Ash said. She felt like her heart had reached new levels of joy. 

“I know we said we wouldn’t get each other anything, but I may have gotten you a little something.” Ali said. She searched for a small box she had hidden behind the Christmas tree.

Ashlyn laughed and replied, “Alex, I knew you wouldn’t be able to follow your own rule.”

“You knew?” Ali asked. She held the small, perfectly wrapped gift in her hand. 

“Babe....please.” Ash said, rolling her eyes.

“Ok...so...where’s my gift?” Ali asked. She held out her hand that was empty, waiting for Ashlyn to fill it.

Ash laughed and said, “I had the boy hold onto it for me.” 

“You what?”

“He and I had a talk last night. We wanted you to be surprised.” Ash explained. She kissed Sam’s head as he slept, and pulled back the collar of his Christmas themed onesie pajamas. She removed a necklace that she had put on him after she had last changed his diaper. 

Ali opened the locket Ash had placed in her hand. She laughed when she saw the pictures of her and her wife on one side, and her daughter and son on the other.

“What’s so funny?” Ash asked. She was certain she would get a tear, or at least a heart felt sigh.

Ali smiled and handed Ashlyn the small box she had prepared for her and patiently waited for Ash to see why she was laughing.

Ashlyn tore through the paper and ribbon and found a pocket watch. When she opened the watch up to take a closer look, she saw that her wife had had the same idea as she did. On one side there was an intricate watch face. On the other side, a picture of them with their beloved children. 

Both Ash and Ali had gotten their gifts to each other engraved with, “Together Forever.”

“You’re awesome.” Ash said sincerely. “You know I love you more than words can explain, right?”

Ali smiled and pulled her wife close. She answered, “I do know. And I also know that you have already given me everything I could ever want.” Ali glanced over at her baby son, and two year old daughter and added, “I’m grateful that I get to spend forever with you and our babies.”

Ashlyn held her wife in a tight embrace. Neither of them said anything else. The house was quiet. Their children were happy and resting. They had felt love and joy like they had never known before. It had nothing to do with trophies, or winning records. It had everything to do with their hearts being filled with a love that couldn’t be measured. 

Lexi and Sam had changed their lives forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There should be another chapter in the near future.
> 
> Sorry if there are some typos. I was in a hurry to post this because it's Christmas.


	263. How Many Days?

“Mommy, how many days?” Sam asked. He had asked this same question several times, every day, for the last week.

“Two more days, sweetheart.” Ali answered and bent down to give her 7 year old son a kiss.

Samuel growled in dissatisfaction and did a somersault like a little ninja out of the room. 

Two more days.

Two more days and Ashlyn and Lexi would be home. 

...

Every night since Ashlyn left on a business trip, Samuel filled her empty space in his parents’ bed next to Ali. Ash took Lexi with her since the kids were on Christmas break from school. Samuel was not happy that he didn’t get to go along, too.

Ash and Ali felt that Lexi was mature enough to accompany Ashlyn without being a distraction, or getting bored during the business parts of the trip. Both parents knew there was no way Samuel would be able to handle himself during those times. 

Sam-Bam was not a happy boy.

“Mommy, how many days?” He asked. He was cuddled into Ali’s side and feeling sad. He missed his Mama and sister.

“When we wake up, just one more day.” Ali answered. She gave the sweet boy a squeeze and kissed his head.

“I wish we could be with them right now.” 

“I know. Me too.”

“What do you think they’re doing?” Sam asked as if his mother had supernatural powers.

“Probably the same thing we are.”

“Hmm.” Sam hummed. He smiled and excitedly met Ali’s brown eyes with his own. “That makes me feel happy.”

Sam said it in his own way, but Ali understood what he meant. He felt comfort knowing that his Mama and big sister were missing him too.

...

“Ready for bed, Princess?” Ash asked. She watched as her little girl organized her outfit for the next day. Ashlyn loved how much Lexi reminded her of her wife.

“In a minute.” Lexi answered. Her reply only strengthened Ash’s opinion of the similarity between Ali and Lex.

After Lexi was satisfied with her clothing selection, she focused on a bag that was filled with gifts.

“Mama, do you think everyone will like the presents we picked out for them?”

“I think they will love them.” Ashlyn replied with confidence. 

Whenever Ashlyn or Ali would leave the family, they made sure to bring back a little gift for the kids. Ashlyn explained to Lexi that it was important to let the people you love know that you miss them when you’re apart. Lexi loved shopping with Ashlyn. Her mother let her take the lead. Lex held Ashlyn’s hand as she led the way through store after store looking for the perfect gifts for their family.

...

First thing the next morning Samuel asked, “How many days, Mommy?”

When Ali answered, “One.” Sammy sighed dramatically. 

“I’ve been waiting forever!”

About an hour later, Ashlyn called. Ali spoke to her wife for a few minutes before Samuel signaled for the phone. Ali handed it to him and watched him walk away and talk his little heart out for almost twenty minutes before Ali asked for it back. The way that he was dramatically gesturing with his hands as he passionately told stories made her guess that he was sharing imaginary adventures with Ashlyn.

Ali was surprised to find out that he had been talking to Lexi for most of the time he had her phone. 

Samuel was clingy all day. Of course Ali didn’t mind, but she knew the extra hugs and cuddles would soon be given to her wife instead. 

...

The next morning Ali woke up with her son sitting next to her and smiling down at her. Samuel’s usual tired morning ritual was replaced by an anxious excitement. He had been awake for hours. 

“How many days, Mommy?” Sam whispered with a big smile. He already knew the answer.

Ali was a little distraught from just waking up, but her son’s familiar question cleared things up for her. “Today’s the day, sweetheart.”

Samuel jumped up in excitement. He needed Ali to confirm what he knew to be true. Once he knew for certain, he ran around the house announcing that, “Today’s the day!”

...

It wasn't unusual for Ali to patiently wait for her children to lovingly attack her wife when she returned from long trips...or even just short errands. Ali would stand a foot or so behind them while they greeted Ashlyn with hugs, kisses, and animated stories of what happened while she was gone. 

However, when her wife and daughter finally did walk through the door, there was one little boy who acted quite a bit different from normal. Samuel’s lack of sleep, extra excitement and emotion had turned into a nervous, and almost shy anticipation. He hid behind Ali with his head pressed into her lower back. During the family’s reunion he would steal a peak or two to see what he was missing, but quickly hide his face whenever he thought he was seen.

It wasn’t until Ali felt his hands squeeze her waist that she noticed he was acting strange. 

“Sweetheart, Mama and Lex are here. Don’t you want to say hi?” Ali whispered so only Samuel could hear.

The sensitive boy looked as if he was about to cry. All of his emotions were bubbling up to the surface and he didn’t know what he was feeling.

Ali made eye contact with her wife and Ashlyn set both of the twins down and slowly made her way to the other half of Team Awesome.

“Bam, I missed you SOOOO much!” Ashlyn said. She knelt down so that she could be closer to his eye level and added, “Lex and I talked about you all the time.”

Samuel moved his head a little to the side so that half of his face was showing. He caught his mother with the eye that was uncovered and asked, “You did?”

Lexi was too excited to realize that her little brother was having a moment. She rushed to Ali and hugged her, startling Samuel, who went back to fully hiding behind her.

“Hey, Lex.” Ash said loudly, interrupting her and Ali’s hug. “Why don’t you show these guys the presents we got for them.”

Lexi perked up. She had been waiting all day to give out the gifts she had picked out. She searched through her backpack and found the toys she had picked out for the twins. The toddlers went crazy over their new building blocks. Thankfully, they were soft, because they were throwing them at each other minutes after receiving them.

Lexi gave her big brother a sports watch she had convinced her Mama to buy. She promised Jacob that it would help him run faster. He nodded in agreement and thanked her for the precious gift. The watch he was wearing was much nicer, but it wasn’t from his little sister. He promptly replaced it with the new one.

During the gift giving, Ashlyn dramatically laid down flat on the floor. She did it mostly so she could get a better look at Sam, but it was also to get his attention. During Lexi’s generous gift giving, she caught him looking at her several times.

“Sammy...” Lexi said. “This is for you.” 

Lexi held out a giant chocolate covered-peanut butter cup. Sam’s eyes grew big in amazement. He licked his lips and came out from hiding. A small smile started to find it’s way to his lips when he took the treat from his sister. Lexi handed it to him and immediately pulled him into a hug. 

“Thanks, Lex.” Sam said. After the two of them separated Samuel laid down next to Ashlyn and whispered, “Mama, I got candy.”

Ash pulled him into a hug and as the two of them laid on the floor, looking ridiculous among the rest of the family who were standing up properly, they had quiet conversations about the important things in life.

“Do you think spiders can talk to each other?” Ash asked. 

Sam thought carefully about the question and said, “Not like me and you talk.” He adjusted himself so that his head was resting on his Mama’s shoulder. “Maybe they talk by blinking their eyes.”

Samuel had learned that most spiders have more eyes than he had thought. He thought about his mother’s question and decided that if they blinked one eye it might mean, yes, or maybe no. If they blinked two, three, or more, it might mean they were hungry, or wanted to take a nap.

He and Ashlyn decided that they probably closed all of their eyes when they were about to play a joke on someone. 

It took a while for Samuel’s imagination to come back to reality, but it did the trick. Sam was back to normal. Thankfully, the kids eventually all found a way to entertain themselves and gave their parents a chance to finally have a moment to themselves.

“I got you something.” Ash said. 

The two of them were quietly holding each other while they watched their wild children run back and forth in the living room around Jacob, who did his best to ignore the noise and focus on a video game.

“What’d you get me?” Ali asked. She wasn’t surprised. Ash always bought something for her when she was away. 

“I couldn’t let Lexi see it.”

Ali knew right away. “You bought me underwear while you were with our daughter.”

Ashlyn held back a laugh and defended herself, “Babe, she was looking at something else. She didn’t see.”

“You are terrible!”

“Alex, I swear! She didn’t see.” Ashlyn explained. “My little princess is still innocent. I didn’t traumatize her with your sexy underwear.”

Ali’s raised one eyebrow and with a flirty smirk said, “Sexy underwear? Sounds like someone missed me.”

“I always miss you.” Ash answered lovingly.

“Aww...you’re so sweet.” Ali said and gave her wife’s cheek a flirtatious slap. “Now give me a kiss.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Ash replied and happily went in to meet her wife’s puckered lips. 

It had been too long since she had had the pleasure.

...

“Babe, did you go through my bag?” Ash asked. It was bedtime at the Krieger-Harris house and Ashlyn was searching for a missing item.

“You know I did.” Ali answered. “I always do. How else is your bag going to get unpacked and your clothes washed?”

“Did you find a small bag in there?”

Ali shook her head in confusion. “Baby, I didn’t see anything.”

Ash rubbed her head and scrunched up her face as she tried to figure out where the item was.

At first Ali was confused by her wife’s strange behavior, but the longer it lasted the easier it was for her to figure out. “You lost my present.” Ali accused. 

“I may have misplaced it.” Ash confessed. “I’ll find it.”

“Well, let me encourage you on your search by saying...No sexy time for you until you find it.” Ali teased.

“Alex...” Ash whined. 

“I’m serious.”

Ash sighed in frustration and laid down on the floor to search under the bed. “Where the heck?” Ash muttered to herself. After she had used her phone as a flashlight to look in the dark spaces beneath their bed to no avail, she was filled with a sense of urgency. 

Ashlyn sprang up from her spot on the floor and made up an excuse of needing to get a drink before bed. She rushed to the place where she hoped her wife’s seductive gift wouldn’t be.

“Please don’t be in here. Please don’t be in here.” Ashlyn whispered to herself as a hopeful prayer. She searched through her daughter’s small suitcase, but Ali had already gotten to it. 

Ashlyn’s eyes found her daughter asleep in her bed. She watched her for a moment while her mind went back and forth about whether or not Lexi had found the gift she had bought for her wife. 

Ash closed her eyes and quieted her thoughts. She took a deep breath and that’s when it dawned on her. Her little princess was the mini version of her wife. Ashlyn opened her eyes and went to the most logical place her daughter would have put the underwear. 

“Mama...” 

Ash heard a sleepy voice. Lexi had woken up and caught her mother going through the top drawer of her dresser.

“What are you doing?” Lex asked.

Ashlyn answered, “These aren’t for you.” She quickly held up the lacy gift and then stuffed them in her pocket.

“Mama, those are mine.” Lexi replied.

“Sorry princess, but they’re for your Mommy.” 

“Mama, that’s silly.” Lexi said. She laughed and added, “Those are too small for Mommy.”

Ashlyn turned bright red and said, “I must’ve gotten the wrong size.” She kissed her daughter quickly and mumbled, “Goodnight.” 

Ash hurried out before she had to get into an even more awkward conversation about her wife and the sexy underwear that Lexi assumed were for her.

When Ashlyn returned to the room, Ali knew something was up. Ash looked to right and left and seemed to have miraculously found the place to look. Ashlyn made it appear that she was pulling Ali’s gift from their closet. When Ali saw what was in her hand her suspicion was confirmed. 

“Where did you find them?” Ali asked.

“Right here...in the closet.” Ash lied.

When would Ashlyn learn that her wife knew her too well for her to get away with lying to her?

“How was your drink?” Ali asked.

Ash forgot about the story she had told her wife and asked, “What drink?” The look on her wife’s face reminded her. “Oh, I mean...it was good.”

“Where did you find the underwear, Ash?” Ali asked. Her tone made it clear that Ashlyn was unsuccessful in her attempt to trick her wife.

“Lexi’s room.”

“Did she say anything?”

Ashlyn had a certain idea of how she would have liked the evening to go. The night was not going to look like she would have liked it to if she didn’t figure out a way to fix things. 

“She thought they were for her.” Ash answered honestly.

“Why would she think that?”

Ashlyn put her head down and tried hard not to smile. How could she tell her wife that their daughter questioned whether Ali could squeeze into the lacy undergarment and assumed that they must be for her? Ash wanted to get her wife in a more friendly mood. Bringing up her size, even though it wasn’t a real problem, would not serve her well. 

“Babe, it must’ve got mixed up with her stuff.” Ash answered, trying to avoid having to tell the whole truth.

“I feel like there’s more to the story.” Ali surmised. 

“I don’t know what to tell you, Babe.” Ash literally didn’t know what to tell her.

Ali pursed her lips and stared her wife down. Ashlyn knew she had to maintain eye contact, or her wife would see right through her. 

Ali finally smiled and asked, “Well are you gonna give me my gift, or what?”

Ashlyn swallowed hard and nodded, “yes.” She had waited too long for this moment. 

Ali was just as eager to have some quality private time with Ashlyn. 

The two made up for lost time and Ashlyn thought she had successfully talked her way out of trouble.

...

“Mama!” Lexi scolded with her hands on her hips.

Ashlyn had both Bella and Jamie in her lap trying to help them eat their breakfast. Ash loved cuddling and holding her children on any given day, but after being gone for a week she didn’t want to spend one moment of the day without one of her kids in her arms. The talkative toddlers made it impossible for their Mama to hear Lexi.

Lexi snapped her fingers in front of Ashlyn’s face to get her attention. Everyone around the breakfast table stopped what they were doing and gave the young diva their focus. Even Samuel, who was sneaking food to Monster underneath the table, froze in his place. 

“Mama, you snuck in my room and stole my present.” Lexi accused. 

Ali’s intuition perked when she heard her daughter’s statement.

“Princess, you must have dreamed that.” Ashlyn replied. She felt the angry stare of her daughter as she tried to go back to getting the twins to eat their French toast. Ashlyn hoped that if she acted like she had moved on from the conversation that her daughter would drop it and move on too.

Ashlyn was not only aware of he daughter’s gaze, but out of the corner of her eye she could see her wife glaring at her. 

Lexi wasn’t ready to drop anything. “I saw you! You took my present from my drawer.”

Ashlyn let her eyes quickly flick in her wife’s direction before answering her daughter. “Lex, I didn’t take anything from you. We only got presents for everyone who didn’t go with us. We didn’t get ourselves presents. Remember?”

“Mama, there was a present in my suitcase. It was for me.”

Ali had figured out the context of the conversation. She stepped in to help her wife, “Sweetheart, we can talk about it after breakfast.” 

Ali’s motivation to end the talk of a stolen present was that she didn’t want the other children to hear about Ashlyn’s intimate intentions. She was also somewhat mortified at the thought of their daughter ever having thought that Ashlyn’s gift, that’s purpose was meant to get her into bed, was ever considered to be worn by the nine year old. 

“Listen to your mother.” Ash added. She apologetically met her wife’s gaze, knowing that she had been found out. 

Lexi let out a loud puff of air and replied, “Fine!” She roughly sat at her seat at the table and filled her empty plate with breakfast. 

“So dramatic!” Samuel said with a head shake and sarcastic eye roll. He was talking to his faithful dog, but got a response of laughter from the older members of his family.

One time Ashlyn had made a comment about how his big sister could be a little dramatic at times. He asked what that meant and when she explained it to him he felt that he had an inside joke between him and his Mama. He loved to comment on Lexi’s dramatic behavior ever since.

Thankfully for Ashlyn, Ali wasn’t in a hurry to discuss the mysterious whereabouts of her lingerie with their daughter. They almost went the whole day without bringing it up. It wasn’t until Ali made her bedtime rounds to each of her children’s rooms, that Lexi brought up her hurt feelings again.

Ali had just tucked Lexi in and kissed her cheek when the girl said, “Mommy, why did Mama take my present? Did I do something bad?”

“Oh, sweetheart...” Ali’s heart hurt for her daughter. “You didn’t do anything wrong. Mama meant for me to have that present. It must have gotten mixed up with your bags.” She thought fast and added, “We’ll go shopping tomorrow and you can pick something out.”

“Ok.” Lex answered. She sounded happier than when the conversation had started.

“Ok, my love. Bedtime.” Ali said. She was thankful to have been able to handle her daughter’s questions with tact. There was no awkwardness at all.

As Ali left to give out bedtime kisses to the rest of her children she heard her daughter ask, “But Mommy, why did Mama get such a small size? You can't fit in those.”

Ali froze. 

Did her daughter just call her fat?

“Those are the right size.” Ali answered without turning around. 

“No, they’re not.” Lexi insisted. “Your butt is too big to fit in them.”

Ali took a deep breath to keep from saying something she would regret and then answered, “They fit perfectly. Go to bed.”

...

Lexi’s confession weighed on Ali a while after their discussion. Ashlyn thought she had gotten away with the whole thing until she heard her wife ask in the darkness, “Do you think my butt is big?”

The women had gone to bed almost an hour ago. Ashlyn was mostly asleep when she heard Ali’s question. 

“What?” Ash asked tiredly.

Ali rolled away from her and pulled down the covers. She stuck her backside out and asked, “Is my butt big?”

“Are you joking?”

“Lexi said my butt was too big to fit into the underwear you gave me. That’s why she thought they must be for her.”

Ashlyn patted Ali’s backside and said, “It’s beautiful.” Ashlyn pressed her sleepy body against her wife and pulled her into a hug. “You’re beautiful.”

Ali wasn’t completely satisfied with her wife’s answer, but Ash was practically asleep. She wasn’t going to get much more out of her unless she woke her up. 

Ali chose to let Ashlyn sleep. They would have a more conscious conversation in the morning. 

...

It took 3 days, 2 bouquets of flowers, and a box of chocolate for Ashlyn to convince Ali to forgive her, and that she thought every part of her, both inside and out, was perfect.

Ashlyn also learned an important lesson. 

Never buy your wife sexy underwear when you’re on a business trip with one of your children.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year!
> 
> Let me know if you have any prompts.


	264. Secret Hairballs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a prompt request. (Thanks, friend.)

Ali held Samuel as he bravely tried to keep from crying. She felt him shake in her arms. The 7 year old was doing his best not to let his mother know how hurt he felt. Of course Ali knew. She always knew when her sensitive son was hurting.

The rest of the children, except for the twins, had been picked up by Ali’s father to go on an outdoor adventure. Sam expected to be included, but Ali told him at the last minute that he needed to stay home with her.

“I need your help, Sweetheart. You don’t want me to be sad while everyone is gone, do you?” Ali asked.

She could hardly contain her own emotions. Samuel’s big brown eyes were welling up with tears. His lower lip quivered as he did his best to keep his disappointed feelings at bay.

It was all a part of Ashlyn’s plan. Ali’s wife had told her what to say to Sam to make him think that he was going to have to stay home for the day and miss out on a day of fun, but the truth was that Ash and Ali had planned something for him that they knew he would love.

“It’s ok, Mommy.” Sam said with a shaky voice. He patted Ali’s back as if he was offering her comfort.

Ali couldn’t take it. Her sensitive boy was too sweet.

“Sammy...” She whispered. “Can I tell you a secret?”

With his head pressed against her shoulder, Samuel nodded.

“Mama has a surprise for you.”

“She does?” Sam asked. His voice still sounded sad, but there was a sliver of hope and excitement mixed in.

“Yee-up.” Ali said, using the word that Sam had made up for when he was excited. “But it’s a surprise. So, that’s all I can tell you. But you know your Mama...” Ali wiped her son’s face. “She has the best surprises.”

Ali knew that Ashlyn might not like that she had told Sam that there was a surprise, but she couldn’t let Samuel’s heart stay broken any longer.

Ali kissed both of her son’s cheeks where there had once been tears. She shared a tight embrace with him before adding, “Don’t tell your Mama. Can you keep a secret?”

After one last sniffle, the boy wiped his nose with his sleeve and answered excitedly, “Yee-up!”

...

“Sam is gonna freak.” Ashlyn said. “The little dude is gonna flip.”

She had just picked up an old friend at the airport that Sam was going to be psyched to see.

...

“Mama’s home.” Sam whispered to his other mother. He felt like he was part of a top secret mission. When he heard the sound of Ash’s Jeep pull up his body filled with adrenaline.

Ali held on to her son in a hug to try to keep him from getting too hyper. His body was filled with excited wiggles that were aching to get out. Ali worried that Samuel would reveal that she had let him in on the secret that Ash wanted her to keep from him.

When Ash opened the front door, Sam broke free from his mother’s embrace and sprinted to her. He jumped into her arms and all of his weight met Ashlyn by surprise. Ash nearly fell over from the impact, but managed to catch him in the air.

“Bamster?” Ash grunted. She suddenly felt all the muscles in her back tense up.

“I love you, Mama.” Sam announced. Ali thought it was sweet that the 7 year old hadn’t even seen his surprise yet. He announced his love with a happy heart based on faith alone. He was certain that Ashlyn wouldn’t let him down.

Ashlyn knew something was up. Ali’s gentle smile was replaced by a look of guilt when she noticed her wife’s knowing stare.

“Sam, can you help me get some stuff out of my Jeep?” Ash asked. She narrowed her eyes playfully at her wife and shook her fist like Ali was in trouble.

Ali rolled her eyes and followed Team Awesome outside.

Ashlyn searched through her vehicle and made a big show about how she must have misplaced the very important item that she had picked up. Samuel lifted the floor mats and searched through the glove box. He shrugged and his face revealed a bit of disappointment when he resolved that the special surprise had gone missing.

Ashlyn scratched her head and tapped her chin with her finger. “Hmm...” She hummed. “I wonder...” Ashlyn let her thought trail off as she made her way to the driver’s side visor. She flipped it down and a small piece of paper fell from it.

“Mama, what’s that?” Sam asked. Maybe...just maybe...the paper had something to do with his surprise.

Ali couldn’t keep from smiling. Her creative wife had done it again.

“I don’t know.” Ash answered. “Let me see what it says.”

Ashlyn held it up and scrunched her face. She then passed the paper to Sam and asked, “Can you read this?”

Sam looked at it carefully. His dyslexia made it hard for him to read, but thankfully the one who wrote the note, had kept his disability in mind.

“It says...” Samuel said. “A house in the sky.” Sam was confused and asked, “What does that mean, Mama?”

“Well...” Ash answered. “Let’s see. Do you know of any houses that are above ground?”

Sam thought hard. He couldn’t think of a house that was in the sky. “Is the house flying?” He asked.

“No.” Ashlyn answered. She needed to think fast about how to give him a hint that would help him figure it out on his own. “Think about a place where you can go that is above ground...Maybe you and your sister like to spend time in there when you need a break from your little brother and sister.”

Samuel’s face lit up. “The tree house!” He declared.

Ashlyn nodded and answered, “Hmm...I guess that could be considered a house in the sky.”

Samuel ran to their back yard and climbed the ladder to the tree house that Ashlyn, his Grandpa, and big brother had built for the family.

After Sam’s hands excitedly pushed the door open he screamed, “Toby!”

...

“I have a confession to make.” Ali said as she stepped in close to her wife. She pulled her into a hug and said, “I might have told Sammy about the surprise.” She quickly corrected herself, “I didn’t tell him what the surprise was, but I told him that you were coming home with something special for him.”

Ali hung her head low and added, “I feel horrible.”

“Did he start to cry?” Ash asked.

Ali nodded.

“Did you start to cry?” Ashlyn asked.

Ali nodded again, confirming what Ashlyn had suspected to have happened. Her wife and son’s tender hearts led to Ali’s inability to keep a secret.

“It’s ok, Babe.” Ash kissed Ali’s forehead and said, “I understand. Sam-Bam’s little sad face is hard to take.”

“Exactly!” Ali said. “His eyes got teary and he said that he would stay home with me to keep me from being sad. He’s such a good boy. He could tell that it hurt me to see him upset, so he tried to comfort me. Our baby is so sweet. I couldn’t let him feel sad for another moment.”

“Ok, Babe.” Ash said. She took over from where their son had left off earlier and comforted Ali with a hug. She felt it would be best to change the subject before her wife fully relived the moment and broke down in tears.

Ash asked, “So, how are the twins?”

“They’re sleeping. They were fighting it all afternoon.” Ali answered. “Both of them were so emotional and grumpy. Both wanted me to hold them and didn’t want the other anywhere near me.”

“I cam’t blame them for fighting over you. You’re hot stuff!”

“Yeah...” Ali replied sarcastically. “I’m sure that’s why. I’m sure our 2 year olds think I’m a total babe.”

“Maybe not, but they love you a lot. And want all of your attention for themselves.” Ashlyn smirked and wiggled her eyebrows before adding, “I wouldn’t mind a little of your attention.” Ash looked toward the back yard where Tobin and their son were and after confirming that the coast was clear said, “Once those two leave we can really have some fun.”

“As long as our babies don’t wake up.” Ali replied. “They were crazy today. If they wake up I’m leaving and making you deal with them.”

“Babe, you can count on me. I can handle those two.”

“Sure. You say that now, but you didn’t see them. They were crazy. They made me crazy.”

“Alex, I’m telling ya...I got your back. Wouldn’t you like to take a nice relaxing bubble bath?” Ash asked. She knew that if she could get her wife to agree to a bath then she would be that much closer to getting her wife naked. At that moment, that was really all she wanted.

Ali laughed knowing exactly what Ashlyn was thinking. “Are you going to take care of our children when they wake up from their nap and act like little monsters?”

“Absolutely.” Ash answered. “Babe, you deserve some pampering. I’m here now. I can handle it.”

Ali knew her wife had ulterior motives, but she couldn’t deny that a long bath sounded like a dream come true. She desperately needed a break from the drama of having to take care of 2 cranky toddlers all day.

“Al, I got this. Go relax.” Ash said. She started to push her wife toward the stairs as a way of helping Ali make up her mind faster.

“What about Tobin?” Ali asked as she took a few steps in the direction Ashlyn was pushing her.

Ash answered, “I’ll take care of it.”

...

“Mama doesn’t let very many people drive The Beast.” Sam said. He was sitting in his booster seat in the back, while Tobin drove Ashlyn’s Jeep.

Tobin saw Samuel’s face in the rearview mirror and held back a smile. “She said she had something important to do.” Tobin turned her head away and quietly laughed. “She practically begged me to take her Jeep.”

“Why didn’t Aunt Alex come?” Sam asked. It wasn’t often that Tobin visited without her wife.

“She’s busy with our kid.” Tobin answered.

Sam scrunched up his face and asked, “You have a baby?” Sam thought for sure his parents would have told him that Alex had given birth to the child who they were calling his future cousin.

“Not yet.” Tobin answered. “But the baby has gotten so big inside of Alex’s stomach that she can’t fly on planes anymore.”

Samuel’s eyes grew big in wonder as he asked, “She can’t fit in an airplane?” Samuel had a lot of experience flying and he knew how humungous planes were. “Is she too heavy for it to get off the ground?”

Tobin knew she shouldn’t laugh. It was her wife that they were talking about and the boy’s question was so sincere and innocent that she knew she had to answer. She cleared her throat in an attempt to cover up the fact that she was smiling AND laughing. Her throat clearing turned into fake coughing that lasted an awkwardly long amount of time. Poor Sam thought either Tobin was dying of a cough, or he had said something really stupid.

Finally Tobin composed herself enough to answer. “Nah, dude. When a woman is pregnant and the baby is almost ready to be born, the doctor tells her she can’t travel. She’s not too big for a plane. She’s just trying to be a good mommy to our little baby.”

“Ooooh.” Sam replied. He scrunched up his face, revealing that he was thinking really hard, and asked, “You’re the baby’s mommy too, right?”

“Yep. Just like your mommy and mama. We are both the baby’s mother.”

“Why aren’t you with Aunt Alex and the new baby?” Sam asked.

Now Tobin couldn’t laugh if she wanted to. Her little “boyfriend” had asked a very good question.

“Well...” Tobin said. “I have a business meeting that I thought I needed to be at.”

Tobin was beginning to wonder if she had made a mistake. One of her sponsors had asked to meet with her for a quick photo shoot and interview. She was happy to agree to come because it was so close to her good friends. But now she doubted that she had made the right decision. Now she felt that she should have stayed with her wife and unborn child.

There was no way Tobin was going to cut her special date with Samuel short, but it didn’t take long for her to decide that she would be heading home when it was over.

...

“Babe, can you rub my back real quick?” Ash asked. She rolled onto her stomach and stretched her body and limbs from one end of the bed to the other.

“What happened to YOU pampering ME?” Ali asked. She pressed her fingers and palms into her wife’s back and attempted to knead out the knots and tension. She wanted to complain a little bit more, just to give her wife a hard time, but she could actually feel the stress in her wife’s back. “Baby, you’re working too hard.”

“It’s the price of success, Babe.”

“Well, I don’t like it. It’s not good for you.”

Ashlyn was formulating a response that would focus on the importance of working hard and making sacrifices to better the future of their family when the couple heard the cries of their youngest child. Once Jamie had woken up, Bella wasn’t far behind.

Ash had promised her wife that she would take care of the twins when they woke up. She had every intention to keep that promise.

Ali’s hand stopped her from leaving.

“Stay here. Relax. I can tell you’ve had a hard day, too.” Ali said. She kissed her wife and left to check on the toddlers.

Ashlyn ignored her wife’s instructions and followed her to the twins’ room. The women cuddled and played with their youngest children as the 2 year olds slowly woke up.

...

Ali was in the middle of making dinner for the family when Ashlyn received a phone call from Tobin. Their friend was in tears and wracked with guilt. She felt that she had let her friends down. They entrusted her with one of their most precious possessions and she let him get hurt.

Lexi insisted on accompanying Ash and Ali to the hospital. She was used to her brother getting injured from all of his wildness, so she wasn’t TOO worried, but she was still a little worried.

“Mommy, do you think Sammy is scared? Usually we are with him when he’s hurt.” Lexi asked.

Ali was wondering the same thing. She was much more worried than her daughter.

Ashlyn answered for Ali and said, “You know your brother. He’s probably cracking jokes and telling stories of wild adventures by now.”

Lexi nodded and agreed. “Yeah. He’s good at making up stories.”

Samuel wasn’t telling stories, or cracking jokes when the three arrived at the hospital. However, he was making a lot of people smile. Sam had a group of nurses around him as he flexed both of his biceps to show them how strong he was. He bragged about how his Mama sometimes lets him use the weight machines at her gym.

“But I’m only allowed to use them when she’s with me. She says that I’m not big enough to do it on my own. But...” He flexed again to add emphasis. “I’m getting bigger every day.”

Tobin did not look like herself. Samuel was absolutely fine. He had a bandage on his head that covered a cut that required 2 stitches to close. Other than that he looked like his normal self.

Ali covered her son’s face with kisses and asked him to tell her all the details of how he had hurt himself. Samuel’s face and hands got animated as he told the story about a huge mountain, and giant bird that looked more like a flying dinosaur than a bird. He said that the bird tried to gobble him up, but he karate kicked him in the face and killed him with his massive leg muscles. Samuel said he tried to get a ride down from the mountain by grabbing the bird’s tail, but it fell to the ground too fast and the two of them crashed at the bottom of the mountain.

The real story of how his head got cut was that Tobin had taken him to a rock climbing wall. Sam was harnessed and wore a helmet, but still managed to hurt himself when he hit his helmet against the side of the wall. The helmet wasn’t tight enough and ended up slightly cutting him on the impact.

Tobin would later tell Ashlyn that he didn’t even feel the cut. He wasn’t aware that anything was wrong until Tobin saw blood dripping down his face.

As Ali confirmed that her son was fine, Ashlyn tried to find out if the same could be said of her friend.

“You ok?” Ash asked.

Tobin’s eyes were red from crying and it looked like there might be a fresh batch of tears waiting to spill. Tobin couldn’t answer. She was worried her words would reveal a crack in her voice. So her answer came in the form of a sad shrug.

Ash put a comforting arm around her and said, “We visit the Emergency Room almost once a month with him.” She squeezed Tobin’s shoulder and added, “Please don’t blame yourself. These things happen.”

Tobin couldn’t bare to look at Ashlyn. She kept her eyes downcast toward the floor and said, “I’m gonna be a horrible mother.”

“Nonsense. Kids get hurt.” Ash replied. She added, “Heck, I get hurt. Just ask my wife about all the accidents I’ve caused.”

“I know kids get hurt.” Tobin replied. “I thought I did everything right. I made sure he had all the safety gear on...and I stayed close to him as he climbed. I was trying so hard to be careful.”

“Sam finds a way to get hurt. It’s one of his superpowers.” Ashlyn joked.

Tobin didn’t find it funny. “I should have stayed home with Alex. I left her...and I should have stayed.”

At this point, Ashlyn was beginning to see that there was more going on than Tobin feeling guilty about a banged up Sam-Bam.

“We’re supposed to be doing this parenting thing together and I’m letting her down.” Tobin said.

Ali had been concentrating on Samuel and Lexi, but had picked up a few details from Ashlyn and Tobin’s conversation. She quickly kissed both of her children and announced that it was time for Ashlyn to take her place at Samuel’s side.

Ashlyn gave Ali a questioning look, but when Ali gave her a look of her own she surrendered to her request.

Ali waited until the room was loud with her children laughing at her wife’s ridiculous jokes. When she felt she could have a private heart to heart talk with Tobin she said, “I think sometimes it’s harder for the parent who doesn’t get to carry the baby.”

Tobin had been staring at her hands for the last few minutes and when she heard what Ali had said she looked up and replied, “Really?”

Ali nodded and explained, “I know it seems backwards. When I was pregnant with the twins I loved it, but it was also miserable at times. Ash tried everything she could think of to help me, but no matter what, there was always something for me to complain about.”

“Alex can never get comfortable. She’s always tired and in pain.” Tobin said.

“Yeah, I remember those days.” Ali said with a small smile. “Ashlyn was wonderful. She wasn’t perfect...and neither was I. But it didn’t matter, because we were doing it together. We were learning together. You’re going to make mistakes. Your precious little baby will sometimes get hurt, or sad, and all you will be able to do is hold them and tell them that you love them.”

Ali looked at her son, who was having a great time soaking up all the extra attention, and said, “Honestly, some of the sweetest moments with my babies have been after something went terribly wrong and they cried in my arms. I know it sounds horrible to say, but it’s true. In a world where nothing ever seems right, when your little one runs to you and feels that only your hugs and kisses will make him feel better...”

Ali put her hand over her heart and sighed as she said, “It’s the greatest feeling in the world.”

Tobin asked in disbelief, “The feeling of holding a kid when they’re hurt? Cuz I did that with Sam and I didn’t feel great.”

“The worst feeling is when your sweet baby is sick, or in pain. The best feeling is when you are able to bring comfort to them.” Ali smiled and said, “That’s the best part about being a mom. Your children will instinctively run to you for love. It’s the reason that a kiss on a boo-boo is so powerful. Trust me. You’re not only going to be a great mother, but you’re gonna absolutely love it!”

...

After a phone call to Alex, and a few more encouraging words from Ashlyn and Ali, Tobin felt ready to finish the rest of what she had planned with Sam. The two of them held hands as they perused walls and walls of graffiti art. They shared a bench and some ice cream before heading to a museum that Tobin had read about.

“I’ve always wanted to come here.” Tob said as she paid the admission price for both of them. “Alex said she would never come with me.”

“Why?” Sam asked. He was a little skeptical hanging out at a museum. He remembered the last time he went to a museum. It was for a class trip and he had never been more bored in his life.

“There once was a girl who had a weird appetite.” Tobin whispered.

Sam matched her quiet voice and looked both ways to make sure no one else heard him say, “What did she eat?”

Tobin answered, “She ate hair.”

“Eww!” Samuel exclaimed loudly. “Is she here?” He put his hands on his head to cover his hair and asked, “Is she hungry?”

“Don’t worry.” Tobin said. She took one of the boy’s hands from his head and held it. “She’s not here.”

Samuel looked up at Tobin with great confusion and asked, “Then why are we here?”

“She’s not here.” Tobin replied. “But the ball of hair that the doctors retrieved from her stomach is.”

“What?” Sam asked excitedly. “Cool!”

Sure enough, there was a stomach-shaped hairball on display, along with other gross and fascinating things. Things like brains and the bullet that killed Lincoln encased with fragments of his skull.

The National Museum of Health and Medicine provided many things that made Sam ooh and ahh. He would often comment on how his Mommy and sister would throw up if they saw what they were looking at. Tobin agreed that her wife would probably be alongside of them vomiting, as well.

...

The following day Tobin flew home. She cancelled her meeting and told them that she needed to be with her family. Her time with the Krieger-Harris family had done her a lot of good, but it made her appreciate her wife and unborn baby even more.

All she wanted was to go home.

...

“Did you have fun with Tobin today, Sweetheart?” Ali asked.

Samuel was in his bed, sandwiched between his parents. Ash and Ali had just finished listening to him do his nightly reading from an adventure book Ali had found that she hoped would encourage him to want to practice his reading.

“Yee-up!” Sam answered happily.

 

Ali pulled Samuel into a hug and said, “I missed you so much while you were gone. Did you miss me?”

“Uhhh...” Sam thought for a moment before answering. The truth was, the only time he thought about his mother was when he was looking at gross stuff and thinking that she would get super grossed out. He answered a little unconvincingly, “Yeah.”

“Baby, you are so sweet.” Ali gushed and kissed his cheeks several times.

The women said goodnight, and tucked Sam in, before turning off the light and leaving to go check on their other children. Just before Ashlyn was about to clear Sam’s doorway, she heard him whisper.

“Pssst.”

Ash turned around and looked hard into the darkness to see if her son had made a noise. Her suspicion was confirmed when she heard a more clear word.

“Mama.”

Ashlyn slowly approached her son’s bed and waited for her eyes to adjust to the dark before sitting back down next to her son.

“Mama, I have to tell you a secret.” Samuel whispered.

The boy had taken her hand and she could feel him nervously fidgeting.

“What is it, Bam?” Ash asked.

“I feel bad.”

“Why?”

“I lied to Mommy. I didn’t miss her. I was having too much fun.”

Ashlyn held in a giggle and said, “That’s ok, buddy. She won’t be mad about that. When you’re having so much fun, it’s hard to think of anything else.”

“But Mama...” Sam argued. “...I missed _you_.”

Ashlyn’s heart melted.

Samuel continued, “I wish you could have come with us. We had so much fun and it would have been even more fun if you were there.”

“Bammers, you are one of a kind.” Ash said. “I love ya, dude.” Ashlyn started to stand up, but her son’s hand pulled her back towards him.

“Mama?”

“Yeah, buddy?”

Sam cupped his free hand up close to his lips and whispered, “Don’t tell Lex, but I sorta missed her too.”

Ashlyn smiled and cupped her hand like Sam’s and whispered back, “You got it.”

Sam sighed in relief. He knew his secret was safe with his best friend.


	265. I Know I'll Die

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a FLASHFORWARD chapter.

It was a little before 9am when Ali and Ash had arrived at Ashlyn’s work. Ali worked nearby, but didn’t need to be there for another hour. The women took advantage of the extra time together and picked up coffee on the way. 

Ash leaned against the check-in desk holding an extra coffee that they had bought for Samuel. He usually showed up before his parents to make sure things were running smoothly. He made it his top priority to do all that he could to keep his mother’s stress levels down. 

After talking and sipping coffee for 10 minutes, Ashlyn nudged her wife and nodded toward the front door. In walked their son. 

“Bam...” Ash said with a small smile. “...Son, do you know your hoodie is on backwards?”

She laughed and assumed her boy had had a rough morning. He replied with a confident smirk and answered, “Yeah, obviously.”

“Sweetheart, are you feeling ok?” Ali asked. 

Her motherly instincts took over. Her son seemed to be a little off. Ever since working for Ashlyn he had made great efforts to be on time. The fact that he was late and wearing his shirt backwards made Ali worry. Of course, Ali was a professional worrier when it came to her family.

“Mom, I’m fine.” Sam answered. 

Ash pulled his hood, but was met with resistance. 

“Ma, stop!” Sam whispered harshly. “Bailey’s sleeping.”

Sam carefully adjusted his hood so that his parents could see what he was talking about. Ever since Mackenzie had gotten him a puppy, Sam had been like an overprotective parent. Raising Bailey had quickly stolen his heart.

“You brought your dog?” Ash asked. 

Sam used his crutches to step closer to his Mama. He wanted her to be consumed by the dog’s cuteness before he replied.

“Ma, I hope it’s ok. I couldn’t leave her alone. She needs me.” 

“Sammy...” Ali said. “What about Kenzie? Can’t she take her?”

“Kenze and Lex are shopping. Bailey needs me. It’s ok...Right, Ma?” Sam gave his sleepy pup a kiss and held her up to Ashlyn’s face for extra sympathy.

Ashlyn shook her head and answered “Son, I would think you would know by now that you can do whatever you want around here. You’re practically running the place now. I’m just here to look pretty.”

“Thanks, Ma.” Sam said and kissed Ashlyn’s cheek. He let her take his puppy from him and moved to greet his other mother. 

As Ali and Sam conversed about Mackenzie and Lexi’s shopping adventures, Ashlyn played with her son’s puppy. She was always a sucker for a cute dog.

“Sweetheart, why are you wearing your shirt backwards?” Ali asked.

Sam pointed to the dog, who was happily wagging her tail and chasing Ashlyn around the cardio area, and said, “I can’t hold her while I’m using my crutches and she needs to stay close to me.”

“Ok. That makes sense.” Ali replied. She thought her son’s love for his new puppy was adorable. 

“Kenze is gonna get me one of those baby holder things today.” Sam explained in words that not many people would understand, but Ali had learned to interpret Samuel’s unique way of expressing himself a long time ago. 

“Do they make those for dogs?” Ali asked. 

“Yeah. They have wraps for little dogs and also carriers that are more like backpacks that you can wear.” Sam answered. He added, “Kenze said she’ll get me one for a newborn baby if she can’t find a dog one that’s small enough for Bailey.”

Ali adored her son’s tender heart. “You sure love little Bailey.” She said and squeezed Sam’s bicep. 

“I do love her.” He replied. “I’m her mother.”

Ali laughed and asked, “You’re her mother?”

“Yeah.” Sam said confidently. “Kenzie laughed, too. She said that she’s her mother...but I don’t care.”

“Why aren’t you Bailey’s father?”

“Mothers are the best. They love their children the most.” Sam answered, as if it was the truest statement he could ever make.

Ali, Samuel’s sentimental MOTHER, was a few seconds from crying when her wife and new grand-puppy interrupted them. After Ash had asked what the tears in her wife’s eyes were all about, Ashlyn had a question of her own.

“So like...you and Mackenzie are now a lesbian couple?” 

Sam thought hard about it and answered, “No. We’re lesbian parents.”

Ash gave her son a hard pat on the shoulder and said, “You can be anything you want to be, son. I will always believe in you.”

...

“He’s ridiculous!” Lexi said loudly. She had just witnessed her brother go to great extents to carry his dog outside in the snow in an attempt to take her for a walk.

Lexi criticized her brother’s dog walking skills as soon as he brought the puppy in. 

“You’re supposed to let the dog walk when you take her for a walk, dummy.” 

“She doesn’t like to walk in the snow.” Sam replied, ignoring his sister’s disapproving tone. 

Lexi rolled her eyes and said, “You can’t even walk yourself. I think insisting on carrying her everywhere is a bit idiotic.”

“Lex...” Sam put his hand over his heart and asked mostly in jest, but partially being serious, “Why are you dead inside? It’s ok to let love in.”

“Shut up.” Lex answered with a laugh. She took Bailey from Samuel and said, “She seriously needs to be walked. She needs the exercise.”

“I know.” Sam replied. “I walk her at work. She uses the treadmill.” 

“She does not!” 

“I promise she does. She’s my little athlete.”

“You are crazy.” Lexi said...stating the obvious.

Lexi was waiting for Charlie to join them at Mackenzie’s house. Sam had recently ‘officially’ moved in, but he and his girlfriend were looking for an apartment closer to the city. Earlier that day, Mackenzie took some needy kids and their parents on a shopping spree. She enlisted Lexi to help by using her expertise shopping skills. 

“I got her a sweater.” Kenzie said. She had overheard her boyfriend and his sister’s conversation. “And little shoes for her feet. I’ll take her out later.”

“You’re encouraging his irrational behavior.” Lexi replied. 

“We love our little baby.” Mackenzie said as she puckered up and kissed Bailey right on the mouth.

“Relax, Lex.” Sam said. “We’re babying her because she’s still a baby. When she’s bigger she’s gonna be the toughest girl in the neighborhood. I’m gonna take her hiking and running and maybe we can go skydiving...”

“You can’t take a dog skydiving. I’m pretty sure that’s not allowed.” Lexi replied.

“Well, whatever...She’s gonna be my adventure partner.” Sam stated with confidence.

He corrected himself after his girlfriend loudly cleared her throat.

“I mean...she’s gonna be me and Kenzie’s adventure partner.”

Mackenzie smiled and said, “That’s better.” She explained, “We’re planning to go camping and climb a mountain when his leg is up to it. We hope we can bring our little Bailey along.”

“I think you are both crazy.” Lexi replied. She wondered why anyone would want to spend so much time outside where it’s dirty and void of indoor plumbing.

“I think you’re boring.” Sam replied. He held up his hand to deflect an argument and added, “And Charles is getting boring too.”

Lexi did not like that her brother brought her fiancé into the conversation. “What’s that supposed to mean?” She asked, clearly sounding offended.

“Charles used to do fun stuff. Now she just hangs out with you....BORING!” Sam answered.

“Charl-ie...” Lexi said, emphasizing the last syllable. She hated when Sam called her fiancé Charles. Which only encouraged him to do it more. “Is not boring. She’s an artist.”

“I didn’t say she wasn’t creative. I said she was boring. She used to know how to have fun until you came along and sucked all the fun out of her soul.”

Mackenzie was used to Sam and Lexi’s sibling squabbles, but she felt that this one had the potential to get way out of hand. She decided she needed to end it before Lexi got too offended at her boyfriend’s joking.

“Babe, that’s enough. Please be nice.” She said quietly to Samuel. Lexi knew that she had said something, but didn’t hear what it was.

Lex had witnessed Kenzie play the peacemaker enough times to know that their banter was upsetting her. Mackenzie was as gentle a soul as ever lived. As an only child she felt that the last things siblings should do was fight. She always dreamed of having a big sister, or brother.

Sam tried to explain to her that fighting and calling each other names was a form of bonding. She told him that he was free to do whatever he wanted, but that it made her sad to hear him fight. That was all Samuel needed to hear. From then on, whenever Mackenzie asked him to stop, he wouldn’t hesitate to do it.

Lexi waited for Mackenzie to turn away from her before she pinched her brother and whispered, “We’ll finish this later.”

...

 

“What happened?” Jacob asked his mother.

Ali was standing on the side of the road waiting for a man to finish hooking her car up to a tow truck. 

“I slid on some ice.” She answered. Her car had slid off the road and hit a tree. It hit hard enough that the airbag was deployed. 

“Are you ok?” Jacob asked. He took his coat off and wrapped it around his mother.

“You’ll freeze.” Ali said. She was still in a bit of shock. Her son led her to his car and had her sit inside while he spoke to the man from the towing company.

Jacob got the information he needed and returned by his mother’s side. “Should I tell Mama where to meet us?” He asked. 

While he was putting his seatbelt on he heard his mother say, “She doesn’t know.”

...

When the rest of the family heard that Ali had been in an accident, they gathered at their parents’ house. 

Ali was sore and had a bruise from the seatbelt, but other than that she was fine. She made an appointment with her doctor just to make sure, but she didn’t think she was seriously inured.

“Where’s Mama?” Lexi asked. When she arrived with Sam and Mackenzie, Ali was sitting by herself at the kitchen table. Something didn’t feel right about it.

Ali replied sadly, “She’s been on the phone ever since she got home. She’s trying to get me another car.”

Lex didn’t like that answer. “She can do that any time. Right now she should be with you.”

“I think she’s mad at me.” Ali replied. 

Lexi thought her mother looked different than she ever remembered seeing her look. She couldn’t place what seemed off, but something wasn’t right.

“Why on earth would she be mad at you?” Lexi asked. Sam and Mackenzie quietly left to give the women some privacy. They could also feel a strangeness in the situation.

Ali rubbed at her eyes and said, “I think I hurt her feelings....She’s acting like she’s mad about me not taking her advice and getting a car with four wheel drive, but I think it’s something else.”

“What?”

“I called Jacob when I needed help instead of her.” 

Lexi couldn’t understand why Ali would do that, or why it would be a big enough deal for Ashlyn to get upset about it.

Ali continued, “When it happened...I was worried that it would make her have a panic attack....or chest pains...or worse. I think she feels that I don’t trust her and that I think she’s not strong enough to help me.” Ali put her face in her hands and added, “And I think she thinks that if I think that, then it must be true.”

...

Rachel waved Sam and Mackenzie over to her. Ashlyn was pacing back and forth in the backyard, yelling into her cell phone. 

Rachel put her hand on Sam’s shoulder and said, “She won’t listen to us.” Referring to herself and Jacob. “Maybe she’ll listen to you. It’s freezing out there, and she needs to calm down.”

Sam watched his mother for a moment before he opened the sliding glass doors that led to the back yard. He slowly approached her. 

“Hey, Ma.” Sam said. Ashlyn didn’t hear him because her own voice was speaking too loudly.

Samuel looked back at Rachel and Mackenzie and wondered if he should leave Ash alone. Rachel insisted with a stern look that he continue.

“Ma...” Sam said again. Ashlyn didn’t pay him any attention. Sam reached out his hand and gently grabbed her shoulder and said again, “Ma?”

Ashlyn flinched when she felt his hand. Her reflexes took over and she ended up jabbing her elbow backwards into her son’s stomach. Rachel regretted putting him in that situation and Mackenzie started to cry. 

When Ashlyn saw what she had done, it was as if everything else faded away. All of the hurt and anger and frustration...everything. In that moment, it was all replaced by her concern for her son.

“I didn’t know you were there.” Ash said. “I’m so sorry. Are you alright?”

Using his crutches, Sam took a small step away from his mother. It was an innocent movement, but to Ashlyn it held a meaning that broke her heart.

“Sam-Bam, I didn’t mean to hurt you.” She said. Her eyes were quickly filling up with tears. Her emotions were already raw from the day’s events.

Rachel hurried out to them, with Mackenzie following behind. “It’s my fault.” Rachel said. “I told him to try to talk to you.”

Without explanation, Ashlyn hung up on the person she was speaking with on the phone and replied, “It’s no one’s fault, but mine. You shouldn’t have to worry about talking to me.” 

She took a few steps toward Sam, who had Mackenzie standing supportively by his side. “I’m sorry, Bam.”

After her apology she walked back inside with her head hanging in defeat.

Ali and Lexi watched Ashlyn come in and then the rest of the group follow behind. Ashlyn didn’t say another word to anyone before she grabbed her keys and left.

...

As Lex and Sam helped clean up the dishes from the dinner that Rachel had made for the family, Lexi asked, “Do you think Mama will be gone much longer?”

“I don’t know. She seemed pretty freaked out.” Sam answered.

“It’s not good for Mom for her to be gone.” Lexi said.

Sam nodded in agreement, but felt a need to defend his Mama. “Yeah, but sometimes some space is good.”

“Maybe.” Lexi replied. 

Sam could tell that his sister was upset by the accident and their parents’ behavior. He wanted to cheer her up so he told her something that he knew would do the trick.

“So, you know how I was teasing you about being boring?”

Lexi was not fond of the change of subject, especially when it seemed that she was the subject.

Sam explained, “Well, I only said all of that because Kenze was around. The real reason that I want to go mountain climbing with her and Bailey is because when we get to the top of the mountain, I’m gonna propose.”

It took Lexi a few seconds to register what her little brother had told her. When she finally digested the information she teared up and asked, “Have you told anyone else?”

Sam answered by shaking his head, no.

With wet soapy hands from dish washing, Lexi pulled her little brother into a hug. Her little Sammy was acting so grown up.

...

When Ashlyn finally returned home she didn’t try to hide the awkwardness. She found her wife’s gaze and sighed before heading upstairs to their bedroom. Everyone knew what that meant. The parents needed to have a private talk away from the kids. 

Thankfully, this wasn’t the first time anyone had witnessed this type of situation. After Ali left to follow her wife, everyone went back to normal conversation like nothing had happened.

...

When Ali opened their bedroom door she found her wife sitting on the end of their bed, with her head down in shame. When Ashlyn raised her head to speak, Ali cut her off.

“Baby, before you say anything...I need to say something.” Ali said.

Ash gave a slight nod and waited.

“You were right.” Ali said. “I should have gotten a better vehicle for the snow. I should have called you first. You were right...Please don’t feel bad because of something wrong that I did.” Ali begged.

Ashlyn chewed on the inside of her cheek until it drew blood. She didn’t like what she was hearing. She grabbed a tissue from Ali’s bedside table and dabbed at the blood that was inside her mouth. This only caused her wife to worry more.

Ashlyn finally spoke. “I hit Sam.”

That was not what Ali was expecting to hear.

Ash explained. “I didn’t mean to. He was just trying to get my attention, but I was so upset I flinched.”

“He’s fine.” Ali said, trying to reassure her wife that everything was ok. Maybe she could believe it too.

“I know.” Ash replied. “I cursed at the BMW dealer. I blamed him for letting you buy an unsafe car.”

Ali didn’t know what to say to that.

Ash continued, “I feel like I let you down.” At this point all hope for a tear-less conversation left the room. Ali almost tackled Ashlyn to the bed with a hug. 

“You could never let me down.” Ali said.

“I did today.”

“Ash, that’s not true.” 

“It is true.” Ashlyn argued. “Alex, you hold this family together...especially me. What would I do if anything ever happened to you?”

Ali took a sharp breath in as she realized that her wife wasn’t angry. She was scared.

“Baby, I’m not going anywhere.” Ali said.

Ashlyn took a deep breath and replied, “We can’t say that anymore, Alex. We’ve pressed our luck too many times. Our kids are grown. We’ve made it through so much. Our luck is gonna run out, and if anything ever happens to you...I know I’ll die.”

“Don’t say that.” Ali said. She pulled Ashlyn into a tighter embrace and said, “Whatever happens...You’re the stronger of the two of us. You’re a fighter.” Ali wanted to say that there was no need to worry. That everything would be fine. But with the health scares that Ashlyn had had, and the realization that life wasn't always kind, she knew that she couldn’t promise anything. 

Well, there was one thing she could promise.

“Ashlyn, no matter what happens, we will always have each other. If something happens to one of us, we will always have the love that we shared. Baby, I don’t know what tomorrow brings. But I do know that there is no one who will ever love you more than I do. And whatever happens, I have to believe, that somehow our love will last even after we’re gone.”

Ali finished her thought by asking a question of her wife. “Can we promise each other that no matter what, we will hold on to our love and never give up?” 

Ash agreed, knowing that she would do anything for Ali.


	266. Little Sister

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a FLASHFORWARD chapter.
> 
> It is also sorta...kinda... a prompt request.

“How’s he doing?” Ash asked after she handed Mackenzie a cup of coffee. 

It was late. Sam was asleep. After almost 8 hours, Samuel was finally out of surgery. 

Mackenzie took a moment to inhale the delicious aroma of the coffee and said, “He’s really out of it. He woke up briefly, but the doctor said he will be out for a while.”

“I figured.” Ashlyn replied. “That’s why I made Jake take Ali home with him. She’s been a nervous wreck all day. I figured he wouldn’t be waking up any time soon.”

Mackenzie stared at Samuel’s face while he slept and said, “Unfortunately not.”

“You ok?” Ash asked. 

Kenzie tried to fake a smile, but it didn’t come. “I might be more worried than your wife.” She said, and began to mindlessly play with a stray thread from Samuel’s hospital blanket.

She let out a nervous breath and said, “He was really anxious this morning. I tried to make him feel better. I don’t think it worked.”

“The doctor said everything was ok, right?”

“Yeah.” Kenzie answered without hesitation. “But he wants Sam to stay for a few days so that he can keep a close eye on him. Sam’s not gonna like that, but it’s the best thing for him.”

Mackenzie had arranged for the best doctors available to take care of Sam. They weren’t going to risk one detail being overlooked, or a post surgery injury due to Samuel’s noncompliance.

“I’m sure you can get him to do just about anything.” Ashlyn said with a knowing grin. “He’ll behave if you ask him to.”

“I don’t know. The last time he had to sleep in a hospital bed, I caught him trying to make a quick getaway while I left to use the bathroom. The only reason I caught him was because he was so sick, it was impossible for him to outrun me. I worry that he might hurt himself trying to do too much, too early.”

“That’s always been a concern for us.” Ash replied. “Even when he was a little guy. He never could seem to understand that he’s not indestructible.”

“He’s gonna hate missing work.” 

Ashlyn shook her head and replied, “He’s due a few days off. He works too hard.”

“He loves working with you.” Mackenzie replied. “Did he tell you we’re building a house closer to you guys?” She asked.

“I thought you were looking for an apartment.” Ash answered.

Kenzie shrugged and said, “We were. But the more we talked about it, the more we realized that he wasn’t planning on working anywhere else for a long, long, time. He loves being able to work with you. He said he’s living the dream. He get’s to work with his best friend.”

Ashlyn was touched by her son’s words, even though they came from his girlfriend’s mouth. She remembered when Sam was a little boy and thought he was big stuff whenever she would bring him to work with her. He walked around like he was the owner of the place, instead of his mother. Now Ashlyn jokes to the staff that he is in charge. She’s just there to look pretty.

Mackenzie laughed and said, “I pouted for a little bit to punish him for calling you his best friend and not me.” She added, “He loves being close to you and the rest of the family. We want to settle down somewhere near your neighborhood.”

Ashlyn loved what she was hearing, but had to ask... “But what about you?” 

Ashlyn and Mackenzie turned their attention to their favorite patient when he moved his head and slightly opened his eyes. He made eye contact with Mackenzie, looking as if he was startled about where he was, but he quickly fell back to sleep.

Both women shared a laugh at Sam’s expense, and then Kenzie answered Ashlyn’s question. “My Dad and I are close, but we don’t have weekly dinners, or talk everyday, like you guys do. My Dad’s very busy with work, and I’m busy with Sam. I think it’s the right time...and it may sound impractical, but we can always live in two houses. One during the week that’s close to you guys, and our house on my family’s property on the weekends.”

“It sounds to me like you two are planning for your future. Any thoughts on kids?” Ash asked. She wondered if somehow her wife had subliminally taken over her mind. She was surprised to hear herself ask the intrusive question.

Mackenzie’s cheeks turned a shade of bright red. “I don’t know...I guess we kind of hint at it, but nothing too direct.”

“Well...” Ashlyn was about to say something else that she never imagined herself saying. “My son is lucky to have a girl like you.”

...

Lexi hid behind Charlie in the elevator of the hospital. There was a lump moving around beneath her oversized hoodie. 

“Baby, you need to stay in front of me.” Lexi whispered to her fiancé.

“Alexandra, there isn’t anyone else in the elevator with us.” Charlie argued. 

“What if they have cameras in here?” Lex asked and scanned the area above her. “I don’t want to get in trouble.”

“Babe, you’re a lawyer. I would think you could handle a hospital security guard.”

As Charlie led the way through the halls of the hospital, Lexi played the part of an upset visitor. With Charlie’s arms wrapped around her, she pretended to cry and hid herself against her fiancé’s frame...along with the surprise she had hidden beneath her sweatshirt.

...

Sam’s family watched as his dog covered his face in puppy kisses. Samuel was heavily sedated, but Bailey’s love pulled him out of his fog. 

“Did he ever tell you why he wanted to name her, Bailey?” Mackenzie asked. 

Lexi shook her head and answered, “No.”

“He said it’s because she’s his new Bae.” Kenzie explained.

Mackenzie and Charlie shared a laugh while Lexi just rolled her eyes and said, “He’s ridiculous.”

“I think it’s sweet.” Mackenzie replied.

The women visited for an hour. Sam and Bailey eventually fell asleep. Instead of leaving with the couple that had brought her, the puppy stayed with her parents.

“We’ll be back later to take her home.” Charlie promised. “My bride-to-be has an important meeting planned.” 

Lexi smacked her fiancé’s butt and corrected her statement. “WE have an important meeting.”

“Wedding stuff.” Charlie explained.

“You two must be excited.” Mackenzie said. “I feel like your big day is just around the corner.” 

“It is pretty awesome.” Charlie admitted, getting a big smile from Lexi. “I’m ready to lock this beauty down.”

Lexi laughed and asked, “Is that a good thing?” 

“Yeah...” Charlie said. “I can’t wait to make things official...and legal...and stuff.”

“And stuff...” Lexi echoed. “You’re so good with words, baby.”

“I’m better with colors and canvas.” Charlie said. She winked and added, ‘But you’re a masterpiece no matter what the artistic format.”

“Oh brother...” Kenzie mumbled to herself. 

“You’re corny...but really cute.” Lexi said and quickly kissed Charlie’s jaw. She pulled her towards the door and said, “We’re gonna go before we embarrass ourselves even more. Love you!”

After watching the women leave, Kenzie covered her boyfriend and dog-child up with a blanket and kissed both of their noses.

...

“They’re here! Baby, go help them.” Ali instructed Ashlyn.

It had been a week since Samuel’s surgery. He was released from the hospital just in time to attend his family’s weekly dinner together.

“What do you want me to help them with?” Ash asked under her breath as she dutifully made her way outside. Her wife had been excited about their son’s visit all day. She made all of his favorite food and even invited his dog over, too.

A few minutes later Ashlyn trailed slowly behind Mackenzie and Samuel. Sam was on strong pain meds and walking with his crutches required extra focus. His movements were slow and heavy. Ashlyn carried Bailey in her arms and found a few treats for her in the kitchen. 

“My sweet boy.” Ali said as she greeted Sam with a hug and kiss. “Sammy, are you being a good patient?” Ali asked Samuel, but looked to Mackenzie for the answer. 

“He’s been very good.” Kenzie answered. She patted his back and encouraged him to sit down. 

 

Ali sat next to him and without an invitation, he leaned against her shoulder and closed his eyes.

“He’s really tired.” Ash commented. She had never really seen him act so slow and out of it.

“It’s the medication.” Mackenzie answered. All of their worrying about Sam overdoing it and hurting himself was unnecessary. He was doing all he could just to keep his eyes open.

“How long does he have to take it?” Ali asked. She cradled her son’s head against her shoulder to keep him from moving too much and waking up.

Kenzie answered, “A few more days.”

“He better be awake by my wedding.” Lexi interrupted. She had gone for a walk with her fiancé and the couple had just returned.

Charlie corrected Lex and said, “OUR wedding, babe.”

“Yeah, yeah....OUR wedding.” Lexi said, humoring her bride-to-be.

“Sweetheart...” Ali scolded. “...your brother is recovering from surgery and all you’re concerned about is yourself.” Ali shook her head in disapproval. 

“Mom...” Lexi dramatically gestured to her little brother and explained, “He can’t even sit up on his own. He’s supposed to stand next to me for the whole ceremony. I think it’s reasonable for me to be concerned.”

Mackenzie spent a lengthy amount of time assuring Lexi that Samuel would be ready to perform all of his duties as her best man. Ali spent an even lengthier amount of time explaining to Lexi why she needed to be more considerate of her little brother’s situation and stop complaining so much.

...

After dinner Jacob found a spot in his mother’s favorite chair and closed his eyes to take a nap. Recently he and his wife had taken in a baby who was part of the foster care system. They couldn’t be happier to have the little boy, but it meant that sleep was harder to come by.

Jake unintentionally eavesdropped on a private conversation between Lexi and Charlie. The women were discussing the seating arrangements for their wedding ceremony and reception. Charlie commented on the fact that she had one family member who had committed to going. Jacob recognized the sound of disappointment and hurt in her voice. He had often felt the same way...before he was adopted.

As the conversation progressed the women talked about possible solutions for Charlie’s lack of family presence at the ceremony. Their conversation shifted as Lexi began to comfort her fiancé. Charlie didn’t like to talk about her father’s death and the loneliness that she felt when she thought of her family. She only ever felt comfortable talking to Lex about it.

Her father’s brother had offered to walk her down the aisle. He said he owed it to his brother. Unfortunately, Charlie’s uncle passed away unexpectedly. Charlie didn’t have a lot of friends, either. They moved from their home in sunny California to the DC area for medical reasons. Her entire life in the new city was consumed with caring for her dying father. After he died, she threw herself into her work, and even considered leaving the area. She had nothing keeping her there before she met Lexi.

Her bridesmaids consisted of a cousin that she had only met once, and two people she employed at her art gallery. The closer the wedding got, the more she felt she couldn’t compete with the amount of loved ones her fiancé had. She wasn’t necessarily jealous, as much as she was sad.

It made her miss her dad more than ever.

...

The next day Jacob showed up at Charlie’s work. No one knew about his intentions, not even his wife. An attractive woman who worked for Charlie, led Jake to her employer’s cluttered office. 

After a quiet knock, she announced their presence. “So sorry to interrupt.” The woman said. “You have a visitor.” 

“I’m in the middle of an important project...” Charlie argued. Her attitude changed the moment she saw her fiancé’s quiet older brother.

“Sorry.” Jake apologized sincerely.

Charlie thanked her assistant and wiped her hands clean of paint before giving Jacob a hug. “I’m the one who should apologize. I’m sorry. I’m just a little stressed. I have to finish a long list of projects before I take off for the wedding.”

“Plus...Lex is stressful.” Jake added and offered a sympathetic smile. 

“She’s not that bad. I think she’s cute.” Charlie replied. 

Jake laughed and replied, “You must be in love if you find her craziness cute.”

Jacob cleared his throat nervously and asked, “You free for lunch?...I mean...I know you’re busy.” 

There was no way Charlie was going to decline. Jake’s presence peaked her interest. 

What was he up to?

Jake suggested a small cafe close to where Charlie worked. He didn’t want to take up too much of the artist’s time. After they placed their orders and found a small table in a quiet corner, Jacob revealed the reason for his visit.

“I don’t know if Lex ever told you, but I refer to myself as the man of the family. Sam and Jamie might argue, but I think it’s still true.” Jake said. 

Charlie nodded along as he spoke, still uncertain of his purpose there. 

“When my sister was younger, she threw a fit about a father-daughter dance. She freaked out and hurt our mother’s feelings. I offered to go with her. Even though I thought it was dumb, because our dad was a loser, I knew it meant a lot to her...and she’s my sister. So...ya know...I was happy to help out.” Jake said. 

Charlie had no idea why he was saying what he was saying. All she knew was that he was making her think of her dad, and it made her want to cry. As Charlie felt a lump rising in her throat, she bit her lip, in hopes to keep from crying. 

Jacob’s tone softened as he said, “I’m a dad now, and I understand more the importance of something like that. I don’t want to make any assumptions, or be an imposition, but you’re my sister now...and I’m the man of our family...and it would be an honor to walk you down the aisle for your wedding.”

“Lexi told you?” Charlie asked, assuming that her fiancé had revealed her emotional struggle. 

“No...actually, YOU did.” Jake answered. “I didn’t mean to overhear your conversation at my parents’ house.” 

Charlie remembered that he was present for the conversation that she would have preferred to stay private. “You weren’t asleep...” Charlie said as she realized what had happened.

“If anyone knows what it feels like to be alone, it’s me. But I’m not alone anymore...and neither are you. You’re part of our family now. And you will always be. I promise you that I will always be your brother...and you’ll always be my little sister.”

Jacob’s words meant more to Charlie than she would ever realize in that moment.


	267. Little Princess (Part One)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is both a FLASHFORWARD and a FLASHBACK chapter.
> 
> The FLASHBACK parts are in italics.

“Where’s Mama?” Lexi asked. The start of Lexi’s wedding was moments away and the room was filled with most of her family.

Lexi had sent Sam and Mackenzie to check on Charlie, so their absence was excused. In Lexi’s mind however, Ashlyn didn’t have an excuse.

“She’s on her way.” Ali answered.

“On her way?!” Lexi asked, feeling completely overwhelmed. She checked the clock on the wall behind her and said, “People are expecting us to get started soon, I can’t walk down the aisle without her.”

Ali gently grabbed Lexi’s shoulders and said, “Sweetheart, we are going to start on time. Your mother will be here soon.”

...

_“Ash, get the camera!” Ali instructed._

_Lexi had just walked across a small stage. She was in a single file line with the rest of her ballet class. Ashlyn used one hand to keep Samuel’s wiggly 3 year old body in her lap, and the other hand to zoom in on her daughter._

_“She looks nervous.” Ashlyn said. She could see Lexi’s hands and knees shaking. “Take the boy.” Ash said. She handed Samuel off to her wife and broke all spectator protocol by helping herself to the door that led to the side stage area._

_Ashlyn knelt down just outside of the view of the audience. She waved her hands enough to get her daughter’s attention. She wasn’t intending for Lexi to leave the group and run to her, but that’s exactly what she did._

_“Mama, I wanna go home!” Lexi cried, as she ran into Ash’s open arms and gripped her mother tightly._

_Ash held her daughter and said, “Little Princess, you are a great dancer. You don’t need to be nervous. Everyone will love you.”_

_The two of them had been spotted by Lexi’s teacher and a few other adults. Ash knew that everyone was waiting on them, but she didn’t care. Her precious daughter needed her._

_“Lex...” Ashlyn turned the girl around toward the front of the stage and pointed at the front row. “See where Mommy and your brother are?” Ashlyn asked._

_Lexi nodded._

_“I’m sitting in the empty seat next to them. If you get nervous, look up at me. I’ll be there cheering you on.” Ash promised._

_Lexi anxiously asked, “But what if I mess up? What if I do bad?” That day, Lexi’s biggest fear was letting everyone down._

_Ashlyn held her little perfectionist daughter in a comforting hug and made a promise. “If you look up at me and are doing a good job, I’ll smile. If you mess up...I won’t smile.”_

_“If I mess up, we can go home?” Lexi asked._

_“If you look at me, and I’m not smiling...we can go home.” Ash promised._

_Ashlyn was absolutely, 100% positive that she was not giving her daughter the best parental guidance. But she didn’t know what else to do. There were people staring at them. Ash noticed Lexi’s instructor impatiently check her watch every few seconds. She needed to be quick. There was no time for an in-depth pep talk about trying your best and overcoming fear._

_Ash shared a kiss with her daughter and returned to the front row with the rest of her family. Ali and Ashlyn watched as Lexi slowly made her way back to her spot with the rest of the dancers. Lex nervously wiped her sweaty palms on her pink tutu and took a deep breath._

_Ali leaned into her wife and whispered, “Is she ok?”_

_“I don’t know.” Ash whispered back._

_Samuel climbed over the armrest separating his parents and bounced up and down in Ashlyn’s lap._

_Once the music started, it took Lexi about 3 seconds to find her rhythmic groove. The 5 year old was clearly the best dancer on the stage, even though she danced among children twice her age._

_“She’s beautiful.” Ali uttered in complete amazement._

_It wasn’t until Lexi’s eyes met Ashlyn’s that she remembered their deal. Ashlyn wasn’t smiling. Her jaw was dropped out of awe for Lexi. Her daughter was amazing. The moment their eyes met she shook off the shock of wonder and smiled. As she smiled, she felt warm tears stream down her cheeks._

_Her little girl had completely stolen her heart._

...

Charlie heard a knock on the door. She was in her own separate room, waiting for the big event to start. Lexi had sent Sam and Kenzie to keep her company. Charlie had gotten ready mostly on her own. Her fiancé tried to talk her into letting a professional hair and makeup person help her, but that wasn’t Charlie’s style.

Lexi knew that her soon-to-be wife wouldn’t like to have someone fussing over her, but she tried anyway. She really didn’t want her to be alone while she spent the day getting ready. Unlike Charlie, Lexi loved getting pampered and having people attend to her every need, but she wasn’t the one who was at risk of spending her time alone prior to their wedding. Lex’s bridal room was filled with people going in and out the entire day. Charlie didn’t have the same flow of people wanting to visit her.

Lexi’s morning started with a family visit when her little brother woke her up, after changing her clocks to a later hour, to make her think that she had missed her own wedding. Lexi punched Sam hard in the stomach and didn’t feel one little bit guilty when her brother showed her the bright red mark her strike left behind.

Samuel made amends by taking his sister out to breakfast and spending most of the morning and early afternoon with her. Though the two of them were known for insulting one another and their constant bickering, there was no doubt that they loved each other. After Sam’s prank, he vowed to let Lexi have her way, and to restrict his conversation to complimentary things.

After Lexi’s make up had been finished she noticed that the room was filled with her many family members and friends. She felt more love than she thought she deserved. It was at that moment that she thought of her fiancé and realized that she was probably completely alone. She immediately instructed Samuel to check on her and stay with her until the ceremony started.

The knock at the door was Lexi’s missing mother. When Ashlyn first opened Charlie’s door, her eyes immediately landed on her son.

“Bam, why aren’t you wearing pants?” Ashlyn asked. He sat in a chair next to his girlfriend. He was in the middle of an animated story about his sister.

Sam smiled and answered, “I don’t wanna wrinkle my tux.”

“Don’t you think it’s a little inappropriate?” Ash asked.

Sam replied, “Charles is like sister status now. Plus she’s not into dudes. If I was a chick, then maybe...but she doesn’t care.” Samuel gestured to his boxers and smirked when he added, “And Kenze has seen way more than this.”

Sam’s girlfriend turned bright red. She was confident that no one wanted to hear him talk about all that she had seen. Ashlyn awkwardly cleared her throat and asked, “Do you two mind giving Charlie and I some privacy?”

“Sure.” Sam answered. He grabbed his crutches and started to leave before he was interrupted by Ashlyn.

“Son...don’t forget your pants.”

...

_“Mama, did you see me?” Lexi asked with absolute excitement. The nervous girl from before was long gone._

_Ali answered for Ashlyn, “We all saw you, Sweetheart. You were so beautiful and talented.”_

_“You were the best one, Lex!” Ashlyn added._

_Sam copied Ashlyn’s sentiment and said, “Best one!”_

_“Mama, I was scared, but then I was brave!” Lexi explained proudly. She wanted to make sure that her mother was impressed with her performance. “I did all of my moves perfectly.”_

_“Princess, you did amazing. I think we need to celebrate.” Ashlyn said. She looked to her wife and asked, “What do you think, Babe?...Should we get our little Princess and Sam-Bam some ice cream?”_

_Samuel and Lexi cheered in unison, “Yes!”_

_“Mommy, please!” Lexi begged._

_Ali hesitated to agree, simply because she wanted her cute children to keep being cute._

_“I don’t know...” Ali answered. She shrugged and asked, “Do you think they would like that?” Ali acted as if she hadn’t heard her children’s request._

_Samuel poked Ali’s cheek and clarified what he and his sister were thinking, “Mommy, we like ice cream!”_

_“You do?” Ali asked, giving her 3 year old all of her attention._

_Sam dramatically nodded up and down and answered, “Mommy, we LOVE ice cream!”_

_Ali puckered up and waited for her son to kiss her before saying, “Well, I guess we’re getting ice cream!”_

 

...

“Sammy!” Lexi scolded. “Get dressed!”

Her brother was about to push her over the edge.

“I don’t want my tux to get wrinkled.” Sam replied.

He was way too calm and unconcerned in Lexi’s opinion. This was the most important day of her life, he needed to act like it.

“Babe, why don’t we get you dressed....” Kenzie said.

Mackenzie read the situation perfectly. She knew that her boyfriend’s sister was about to have a meltdown. Sam would probably roll his eyes and ignore his sister’s dramatic outburst, but she knew he would listen to her.

“Ok.” Sam agreed casually. He smiled mischievously and kissed his sister’s cheek. He knew exactly what he was doing.

That’s when Lexi got suspicious. “What are you up to?”

“Nothing...” Sam answered with a poorly hidden laugh.

“Tell me what is going on.” Lexi demanded.

He continued to walk away from her on his crutches as he said, “I gotta go get dressed.”

Mackenzie followed behind him, carrying his tux and a small duffle bag.

“Why are you acting shy now?” Lex asked. Her brother had no problem sitting around in his underwear, but all of a sudden he needed to leave to another room to put clothes ON.

Lex didn’t waste another breath on questioning her brother. There wasn’t always a rational answer for the things he did. Samuel would always be her special snowflake.

...

_“Lex, watch this!” Sam yelled excitedly. He constantly wanted to impress his parents and sister. He would often randomly perform for them._

_Samuel had his chocolate ice cream cone in one hand and with the other hand he mimicked one of the dance moves his sister had done in her performance. He spun around in a twirl of gracelessness, proving that Lexi was definitely the dancer of the family._

_Lexi rolled her eyes in disapproval. She loved her brother, but his desire for attention and his constant copying of her, was annoying....especially since she wanted all the attention for herself._

_“You are a bad dancer.” Lexi stated, feeling that she was the authority in such things._

_“Alexandra!” Ali scolded. “Your brother is a good dancer.” Ali hugged her sensitive son and told him she loved his dance moves before making her daughter apologize to Samuel._

...

“Seriously, Mom...” Lexi said, sounding annoyed and disappointed. “Where’s Mama?”

Ali had just texted her wife, asking the same thing. “Sweetheart, she’ll be here any minute.” Ali assured her, even though she wasn’t confident in her answer.

...

“I needed to talk to you before everything gets started.” Ash said. She took a seat next to Charlie. It was only the two of them, so Ashlyn felt comfortable saying what she had to say.

“Of course.” Charlie replied. She was waiting for the ‘You better be good to my daughter, or else...’ speech.

She knew it was coming.

However, Ashlyn’s next words came as a surprise.

“I just left the emergency room.” Ash confessed. “Apparently my anxiety about my daughter growing up feels a lot like a heart attack.”

Charlie was shocked by Ashlyn’s admission. “Are you ok?”

“Yeah. Ali was with me. Once the doc cleared me and said it wasn’t anything to worry about, she came here to be with Lex. We didn’t want to worry her, so we haven’t told anybody. I had to stay a little longer at the ER to wait for my blood pressure to get back to normal.” Ash explained.

“I’m so sorry.” Charlie said and then asked, “Is there anything I can do?”

“That’s actually why I wanted to talk to you.” Ashlyn answered. “My Little Princess is my world. I’m sure you already know that.” Ashlyn started to feel a lump in her throat, along with an increase in her heart rate. “For years I’ve always been the one who was the best at calming her down when she got anxious. I know how she feels, because I’ve been through it myself. I’ve always tried to be an anchor for her.” Ashlyn explained. “I need you to know, that I am entrusting you with something that is more precious to me than anything else in the world. I am trusting that you will be her anchor now.”

“I promise you that I will do everything in my power to keep her safe.” Charlie vowed.

“I know you will.” Ash replied. “You see...I am getting to a place in my life where I may not be the best person for the job anymore. It’s not just because of my health...it’s because of you.”

Lexi’s fiancé wasn’t certain of how to respond to that.

“You’re perfect for my daughter. I know you’ll cherish her as much as I do, but I need you to promise that you will be a steady presence in her life. She needs someone who will see past her crazy and love her even more for it.” Ashlyn said.

Charlie laughed at Ashlyn’s wording and with tears starting to well up in her eyes she replied, “I love her more than I could ever say. And I’m kinda in love with her crazy.”

“Good.” Ashlyn replied. “I know for me, that if it wasn’t for my Alex...I’m not sure I would have made it this far. She has been strong and patient...and kind...and perfect.”

Charlie sniffled and said, “I can’t promise perfection, but I promise I’ll do whatever I can to take care of her.”

“I know you will.” Ash replied. She put her hand over her heart. She was feeling a sharp pain in her chest. She knew it was due to the deep love she had for her little girl...who somehow was all grown up.


	268. Little Princess (Part Two)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a FLASHFORWARD. Events leading up to the wedding are in italics.

A light knock preceded Ashlyn’s brief entrance into Lexi’s bridal dressing room. The instant Lexi saw her mother she complained.

“Mama! Where have you been? You’re not even ready yet!”

Lexi immediately summoned her hair and make-up people to attend to Ashlyn.

Ali knew what her wife had been through to get there. There was no way she was going to let Lexi further stress her out. “Lex, give us a minute.”

Ali pulled Ashlyn out of the room and made sure to shut the door behind them. Lexi was left feeling irritated, and confused.

“Baby, how are you feeling?” Ali asked, trying to keep her voice calm and soothing.

Ashlyn looked toward the door leading to where their daughter was waiting to start the most important event of her life. She felt guilty.

“I’m letting her down.” Ash replied.

Ali shook her head in disagreement, “Ash, that’s not true. You’re here. Now...tell me how you’re feeling.”

“It’s hard to explain. My emotions are everywhere...My head is spinning.” Ash answered. “I feel stupid. This is a good thing. Charlie is good for her. Why am I like this?”

Ali answered simply, “Because she’s your Little Princess.” She pulled Ash into a hug and with a muffled voice said, “I was so worried about you.”

Now it was Ali’s turn to fall apart.

Ash felt her wife shaking in her arms. “Babe, I’m ok. I’m sorry.”

Ali’s face was buried in Ashlyn’s neck. She shook her head to wordlessly tell her wife she didn’t need to apologize. Ali embraced Ash tighter before pulling away.

Ashlyn gently wiped Ali’s tears and said, “Now we both have to fix our make-up.”

“Ash, our baby is getting married today...” Ali cried before laying her head down on her wife’s shoulder.

Ashlyn pulled Ali out of her stunned state with a kiss.

“I’m a mess.” Ali said, wiping at her tears.

Ash stopped Ali’s hands from reaching her face and said, “You’re beautiful.”

...

_THE DAY BEFORE THE WEDDING_

_“Mom, I’m not gonna be around tomorrow.” Jamie informed his mother._

_Ali, Ash, and the twins had just finished having dinner. Ashlyn was feeling a little emotional about Lexi getting married. Flashbacks of special dates with Lex inspired her to extend an invitation to her youngest daughter for a little one on one quality time, leaving Jamie and Ali to clean up without them._

_Ali did not like the sound of that. “What do you mean? Your sister’s wedding is tomorrow.”_

_“I’ll be there. But I won’t be here.” Jamie answered. His words bringing more confusion than anything else._

_“What does that mean?” Ali asked._

_“Bam and I are gonna prank Lex.” Jamie explained. His face broke out into a smile just thinking about his high strung sister’s reaction._

_“You’re gonna what?” Ali asked. “You shouldn’t mess with her on her wedding day.”_

_“Mom, it’s fine. Sam and I are just gonna play a little joke. I promise it won’t be too bad.” Jamie replied. He loved every opportunity he could get to be mischievous with his big brother._

_“Don’t be too hard on her.” Ali instructed. “You boys are gonna stress your poor sister out.”_

_Later that night, the twins, along with the rest of the siblings and their significant others, joined Lexi and Charlie for a night out. It was the first of many wedding traditions that the engaged couple did their own way. They didn't want to have separate bachelorette parties. Lexi didn’t want to spend any time apart from her fiancé. They even talked about getting ready together on the big day, but decided that they both wanted the excitement to build for their first look at each other when they walked down the aisle._

_Ali and Ashlyn tried to go to bed early. Unfortunately, Ash’s thoughts wouldn’t allow it._

_“Can you believe our little girl is getting married?” Ashlyn asked. She laid down on their bed and waited for Ali to take her usual spot, cuddled up beside her._

_As Ali rested her head on her wife’s shoulder she answered, “No...but also yes.”_

_“What?” Ash asked._

_“Our baby is all grown up. She’s practically married already. They’ve got their own place and have been living together for a while now. Don’t get me wrong, I know I’m gonna be a crying mess tomorrow...but I also know that she’s happy and that Charlie is so good for her.” Ali explained._

_“I just keep thinking about when she was a little girl and when she would get upset...” Ashlyn said. Ali felt her wife start to tremble. “...I would hold her until she calmed down.” Ash continued. “She would be so upset and struggle to catch her breath...I could feel her heart beat...” Ashlyn couldn’t contain her emotions. She felt a lump in her throat as she finished her thought. “I would hold her tight until her breaths matched my own. I’ll probably never feel that close to her again.”_

_Ali sat up so she could look into her wife’s eyes and said, “Baby, you’re not losing her.”_

_“I know.” Ash replied. “I just miss her needing me...Ya know?”_

_“Yeah...I know what you mean.” Ali answered. She met her wife’s lips with her own and said, “All those years of holding her has helped her grow up into an independent, strong woman. You should be proud of how well you’ve loved and supported her.”_

_“Everything you’re saying makes sense...but I can’t stop feeling like...” Ashlyn hesitated. She really had no idea what she was feeling. “I can’t put it into words.”_

_“Try to get some sleep, Love. Tomorrow will be an emotional day for everyone.”_

...

“Kenze, can you help me?” Sam asked. He was struggling to put his pants on.

Mackenzie laughed at her boyfriend before letting him lean on her for support.

“This brace makes it impossible to bend my knee enough to bend over and pull my pants up.” Sam explained.

“Don’t fall over. Let me do it.” Kenzie said. She waited for Sam to get a good grip of her shoulder before slowly bending down towards the floor. “Babe, you’re stepping on them.”

Samuel carefully lifted his foot up while doing his best to balance. His petite girlfriend’s frame would be no match for his falling body. He didn’t want to crush her. Mackenzie carefully pulled his pants up his leg. She made sure to give his backside a flirtatious pat on the way up.

The brace was bulky and awkward. With pants on, it was noticeable if you were looking for it, but it was a lot less obvious than his crutches. He knew that his sister was expecting him to have to use his crutches to walk and stand in her wedding, but he also knew that she would prefer if he didn’t need them. She wanted everything to be perfect, but she would never ask him to try to walk without them. He came up with the idea on his own.

It started as a joke between Sam and Mackenzie.

Lex and Charlie’s wedding was anything but traditional. They had decided at the beginning of their planning that they wouldn’t do things simply because they were expected to do them. The couple wanted to make their wedding represent their unique love and creativity.

Lexi had asked Sam what he thought about her asking his girlfriend to be one of her bridesmaids. Though they weren’t married yet, Lexi knew that her brother had probably found his future wife. With Jacob standing in for Charlie’s father, it meant that Rachel wouldn’t have anyone to walk with down the aisle. They decided that they would have Sam walk with both Mackenzie and Rachel. It was something they had never seen before in a wedding...3 people walking down the aisle at once, but they didn’t care. The 3 of them would be the last to enter before the brides made their big entrance.

The joke that led to Sam’s surprise was his suggestion that the two women carry him down the aisle so he wouldn’t have to use his crutches. Everyone shared a laugh as they pictured Rachel and Kenzie attempting to carry him. That thought later turned into Mackenzie asking his doctor if there was any way he would be able to walk for his sister’s wedding. The doctor came up with a temporary and uncomfortable solution.

Lexi wasn’t expecting her little brother to worry about having to use crutches. All that mattered to her was that he was there. Once the wedding was over and the pictures had been taken, she would realize that her brother had been extremely thoughtful. Samuel knew that Lex wouldn’t want to have to look at his crutches every time she looked at her wedding photos.

“How does it feel?” Kenzie asked.

Sam stretched out his leg and felt an uncomfortable pinch and rubbing from the sturdy brace. “Feels fine.” He lied.

Mackenzie pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes in disapproval. “You are such a liar.”

“I don’t have to wear it for long.” He replied, trying to keep his compassionate girlfriend from worrying too much about him. “After the ceremony...and after I dance a little at the reception...I can take it off.”

“Are you sure you want to dance? You can barely bend your right leg.” Mackenzie asked.

“It doesn’t matter.” Sam answered with a laugh. “Lex says I’m a horrible dancer. I don’t have to look good.” He smiled and bit his lower lip, feeling a little embarrassed to confess, “I just think it would be kinda special to be able to dance with her on her wedding day.”

Mackenzie smiled, shared a tender kiss with him, and said, “That’s so sweet.”

...

_THE MORNING OF THE WEDDING_

_Ali rolled over and instead of cuddling into her wife’s side, she felt an empty space in their bed. While keeping her eyes closed she stretched out her arm in an attempt to find her wife. The tips of her fingers brushed against Ashlyn’s hip._  
_Ashlyn was sitting up on the edge of their bed with her face in her hands._

_Ali was groggy and had yet to open her eyes. “Baby...” Ali mumbled. “...come back to bed.”_

_Ali didn’t hear a response. She was moments away from falling back to sleep when her tired ears heard a familiar sound. It took less than a second for Ali’s adrenaline to take over._

_Ali quickly sat up and found the space next to her wife. She sat next to her and asked, “Do you have your medicine?”_  
_Ashlyn was gasping for air._

_“I took it.” Ash said through heavy breaths. She wanted to ignore the pain in her chest, but it was worse than she had ever experienced before. “I think I need to go to the hospital.” Ashlyn said through a painful gasp._

_When Ash tried to stand, she felt an intense dizziness. Thankfully, Ali caught her before she fell. Ali had her sit back down and said, “Wait here. I’ll be right back.”_

_Ali sprinted to her daughter’s room and woke her up. She wasted no time waking up Jamie, as well. She gave both of the twins orders to get dressed and to gather what they needed for Lexi’s wedding. She told Jamie to follow her back to Ashlyn and instructed Bella to put together a bag of things they would need at the hospital. The twins immediately sprung into action._

_“They don’t need to come.” Ash breathlessly said to her wife as Jamie and Ali helped her down the stairs._

_“Mama, we’re not leaving you!” Jamie replied anxiously._

_Ashlyn dizzily turned toward Ali and said, “Lex needs them.”_

_Ali knew that Jamie and Bella had plenty of time before the wedding. Ashlyn’s health was the priority. She tried to put her wife’s mind at ease and said, “Baby, don’t worry about anything else. No one’s going to miss the wedding.”_

_Ali needed the encouragement as much as Ashlyn did. Her wife’s health problems weren’t anything new, but that didn’t keep her from being terrified every time something happened._

_By the time the four of them arrived at the hospital, Ashlyn’s health was more alarming than it had been for a long time. Her vision was blurred, she was extremely confused, her chest pains had gotten worse, and her breaths were becoming short and labored._

_Ashlyn was admitted immediately upon their arrival. On one hand, Ali was relieved that the medical staff took care of her wife so quickly. On the other hand, she had learned a long time ago that the staff’s quick response usually meant that there was great cause for worry._

_It took almost 2 hours of care for Ashlyn’s mind and body to relax. Once Ash had the mental means to encourage her wife and children to leave, she did._

_Every time Ali answered, “Baby, I’m not going anywhere.”_

_2 hours later, Ashlyn insisted, “Alex, I’m fine. We’re just waiting on my blood pressure to go down. You need to go.”_

_Ali was about to object when her daughter-in-law arrived to interrupt her. Jacob, Rachel, and the twins were the only family members who knew about Ashlyn’s situation. Rachel assured her husband that she would stay with Ashlyn until she felt better._

_The doctor checked Ashlyn’s vital signs and chart. She hummed to herself a few times while she monitored Ash’s blood pressure._

_“How are you feeling?” Rachel asked._

_“Better.” Ashlyn answered._

_“Judging by your vitals, I would say you’re doing much better than you were when you arrived.” Rachel replied. She had read the ER doctor’s notes and was happy to see that Ashlyn seemed to have improved._

_“Tell them that they need to leave.” Ash said, motioning toward her wife and children._  
_Jamie and Ali both tried to argue._

_Bella stayed quiet. She had a hunch her mother’s blood pressure wasn’t settling down because she was so worried about their presence at the wedding. When Rachel confirmed her suspicion, without explanation she kissed Ashlyn’s cheek and started gathering her stuff._

_Ali and Jamie followed her lead._

_“Baby, please call me if anything changes.” Ali begged. She shared a kiss with Ashlyn and then asked Rachel, “Take care of her...”_

...

“Wow...you look beautiful.” Jacob said honestly to his sister’s fiancé.

Charlie smoothed out the front of her dress, feeling a blush fill her cheeks. “Thank you.” She replied softly. She cleared her throat and said, “Lex bought me this dress. It’s practically a duplicate of a dress I already own.”

Jacob didn’t reply. He let the woman continue to nervously ramble.

“Seriously...” Charlie laughed. “This is the exact same dress.”

When Lexi asked what kind of dress Charlie wanted to wear, she answered by saying she didn’t need a new dress. She liked the classic, black dress that she had worn a hundred times before. It was the same dress she had proposed in.

When Lex argued that she needed something special, Charlie said that Lexi was enough to make her feel special. Lex argued that she deserved a new dress for their wedding. Charlie insisted that her little black dress was fine and that she didn’t like the traditional wedding dresses that Lexi had spent countless hours looking for.

The truth of the matter was that Lexi had very expensive taste. Mackenzie had hired a famous designer to make Lexi a dress that was created just for her. Lexi felt a little guilty about the extravagant measures that she had gone to to get the perfect dress, when her bride-to-be couldn’t care less. Without any further discussion, Lexi bought a copy of the dress Charlie already owned.

“Well...” Jake replied. “You look very pretty in your new dress that’s just like your old dress.”

The two shared quick laugh before Charlie tried to apologize. “I’m sorry about all of this.”

“All of what?” Jake asked.

The artist shrugged and answered, “I’m sorry that you have to walk out with me instead of your wife.”

“Are you kidding? This is a great honor for me.” Jake replied. “My sister loves you and you make her happier than I have ever seen her....And I meant it you know?...When I said that you’re my sister now. I take being your big brother very seriously. I’m lucky to be able to walk beside you today.”

“Thank you.”

“Besides...” Jacob added. “It gives me practice for when my daughter gets married.” The comment was sweet, but Jake regretted saying it as soon as the words lefts his lips.

Jacob reached for Charlie’s hand and squeezed it before asking, “How are you holding up?”

There was one person’s very obvious absence that day...Charlie’s father.

“I’m holding up. It’s weird feeling so happy and excited, yet at the same time I am really missing him.” Charlie answered. “He was all the family I had left.”

“I understand. Just remember you’re stuck with us forever now. You’ll never have to worry about not having a family.” Jacob encouraged. He slightly laughed when he added, “But that means you’re gonna have to put up with Sam for the rest of your life.”

...

“You ready for this?” Ashlyn asked her wife.

The couple was about to see their daughter for the last time before they walked her down the aisle to get married.

Ali took a deep breath and answered, “No.”


	269. Forever (Part One)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The is a FLASHFORWARD chapter.
> 
> Sorry for the wait, I ended up writing quite a bit. I finally decided to break the chapter up into different parts. There should be another chapter posted soon.

“You ready for this?” Ashlyn asked.

“No...” Ali answered. “...our baby is getting married.” Ali laughed through a fresh batch of tears and said, “I feel so old!”

Ashlyn pulled her wife into a loose hug and laughed along with her. “I know what you mean. But one thing will always be true...” Ash said. She kissed Ali’s cheek before Ali interrupted her.

“I know, I know...She will always be our little girl.” Ali said. She thought she was finishing her wife’s sentence. However, she should have known better.

“That’s not what I was going to say.” Ash said. 

Ali narrowed her eyes suspiciously and asked, “What were you going to say?”

“What I was going to say was...” Ash answered with a smirk. “...No matter what, the one thing that will always be true is....you will ALWAYS be older than me, Cougar!” Ashlyn laughed and then made a quick escape to their daughter’s bridal room before Ali could retaliate.

...

“Sammy...” Lexi whispered to herself as she watched her little brother walk without his crutches. 

He approached her with a big grin. Mackenzie held tightly to his forearm in an attempt to offer extra support. Samuel thought it was cute. She was too small to really do much to keep him from falling, but her presence was appreciated. 

“What are you doing?” Lexi asked. “You need your crutches. Don’t you remember what happened the last time you refused to use them?” Lexi scolded. 

The more Lexi freaked out, the bigger Sam’s smile seemed to get.

Lexi was about to give Mackenzie a lecture about keeping Sam from being stupid, but her brother’s explanation stopped her. 

“It’s fine, dummy.” Sam said. “Doc gave me a brace.”

“He said you can walk without your crutches?” Lexi asked. She needed more information before she let her brother and his girlfriend off the hook.

“Yee-up!” Sam answered. He knocked on the side of his right knee and said, “This thing is indestructible. I’m basically immortal now.”

“That makes no sense.” Lexi replied. “You’re an idiot.” 

“You’re ugly.” Sam countered. 

Lexi smiled and met her brother with a hug. His gesture didn’t go unnoticed. Lex whispered, “Thank you” right before smacking him for calling her ‘ugly’ on her wedding day. After 3 minutes of Lexi lecturing, including 2 minutes and 45 seconds of Samuel tuning her out, Ashlyn and Ali joined them in the room.

Lexi stiffened the moment she saw them. 

“I know we’re pressed for time, but can I have a word with you?” Ashlyn asked. 

Lexi looked both of her parents over and saw that they had just shared an emotional time together. Ali was practically in tears and her other mother seemed to have had a stressful day. As much as she wanted to be a diva-bride, she cared more about her parents. She nodded and turned toward a door in the back of the room. It led to a private bathroom. Lex led the way without saying a word. 

Once the door was closed, Ashlyn said, “I know you’re upset with me.” She leaned against the sink counter and added, “But I need to tell you something before we discuss anything else....”

“What?” Lexi asked. She was making a great effort not to sound angry, but her tone made it clear that she was at least annoyed.

“You look so beautiful, Little Princess.” 

“Mama, thank you.” Lex replied. She didn’t want to be impolite, but she had an important question to ask. “But...where have you been?” Her body and voice began to shake. “I’ve been desperate to see you. I needed you here!”

“I know, Princess. I’m sorry. I got held up with some things.” Ashlyn answered. She had decided that she wasn’t going to tell her daughter about her trip to the ER until after Lexi’s wedding and honeymoon. 

“You had to work, didn’t you?” Lexi accused. 

“No.” Ash answered. She knew she couldn’t give much more explanation without being found out. 

Lexi rolled her eyes and mumbled, “Whatever.”

“Lex, I promise you that you are way more important to me than work. Sam and I planned for weeks to make sure that neither of us had to work. I just had a few things I had to take care of...one of those things was talking with Charlie.” 

“You talked to Charlie?” Lexi asked. Her thoughts hadn’t left her fiancé all day.

“Yeah.” Ash answered. Ashlyn held back a sigh of relief. Her daughter’s focus had shifted from anger to concern. “I told her that you deserved the best. I told her that I’m really proud of you and you’ve owned my heart since the day your Mom and I brought you home.”

“Mama...” Lexi exhaled. She started to fan her eyes. It was all she could do to try to stop the tears from spilling down her cheeks and messing up her make-up. 

“Lex, today has been hard. I keep thinking about when you were a little girl. I keep thinking about how my precious, little princess always needed me to protect her.” Ashlyn said. She sighed sadly and added, “And now you don’t need me anymore.”

“I’ll always need you.” Lexi argued. “Why do you think I’ve been freaking out all day?”

“Remember that time?” Ash asked. She was reminiscing out loud and decided to bring her daughter along with her. “I think you were 15, or maybe 16, and you were dating some stupid boy...” 

Ash smiled when she heard her daughter say, “Boys ARE stupid.”

“Yes, they are.” Ash agreed. “Unless they’re one of your brothers. Then they’re not stupid.” She added as a disclaimer.

Lex shook her head and disagreed, “No, they’re stupid too...especially Sammy.”

“You love your little brother.” Ash replied.

Lexi shrugged and tried to look unconvinced, but she could never fool her mother. Lexi adored her goofy brother.

“Anyways...” Ash said, getting back on topic. “Your little boyfriend had just gotten his license and you got all upset because we wouldn’t let him drive you anywhere.”

“He ended up dumping me because of it.” Lex added. “That’s when I learned that boys are stupid.” She joked. 

“You were so mad at me and your Mom. And when we told you that if he wasn’t willing to be a little inconvenienced for you, then he wasn’t worth your time.”

“Yeah...you were right, but I wasn’t smart enough to figure it out back then.”

“You were a kid. You were still learning...I guess I sometimes see you as if you’re still that naive little girl. But you’re not my little girl anymore.”

Lexi didn’t know what to say. So instead of saying anything, she pulled her mother into a hug and kissed her cheek.

Ashlyn continued to hold her daughter and said, “I want you to know that I am amazed by you.” Ashlyn felt her daughter’s head against her shoulder. She held her a little tighter and felt the familiar feeling of holding her when she was a little girl. “When we brought you home, you wouldn’t let me hold you like this.”

Ashlyn smiled thinking about what Lexi’s eventual acceptance of affection meant when she was a little girl. It meant that she felt safe and loved...and that’s all Ash ever wanted for her little princess.

“Charlie is good for you.” Ash said. Her daughter’s bride-to-be was kind, patient, strong, and loving. She was the perfect match for her beloved daughter.

Lexi agreed. “I know.” She gave her mother a loving squeeze and asked, “How is she? I’m worried she’s feeling sad because of her dad.”

“She seems ok.” Ash answered. “I think your brother might have freaked her out a little with his lack of pants.” Ashlyn and Lexi shared a laugh. 

It was at this moment that they heard a quiet knock, before Ali interrupted them. 

“Is everything ok in here?” Ali asked. She shared a smile with her wife when she saw that Lexi seemed happy and relaxed. 

Lexi answered, “Everything’s fine.”

Ali replied, “Well, the wedding was supposed to start about 5 minutes ago.” 

Ashlyn kept a supporting arm around her daughter. She was certain Lexi was about to have a meltdown.

Lexi shrugged and said without any concern in her voice at all, “I’m worth the wait.”

The diva-bride had returned.

...

The wedding started almost 30 minutes late. Thankfully, Charlie knew Lexi well enough to predict that she would be late. Otherwise, she might have worried that Lex had gotten cold feet. 

The wedding was different from anything anyone had every seen done before. Charlie had designed a backdrop of several different large canvases made of fabric that spread across the front of the venue. At the beginning of the planning the two brides had joked about Lexi’s dress being illuminated so that she could look like an angel. Charlie ran with that idea and designed a stage for them where the canvases would be painted with lights and video. She wanted her angel-bride to shine.

The wedding party entered first. Two by two...until Sam, Kenzie, and Rachel walked together as the last of the group. 

Charlie and Jacob were next. The crowd stood up to honor the bride.

She looked stunning in her perfectly fitted black dress. 

They walked out to a song that Jake had written, composed, and recorded for his sister and her bride. Charlie walked out with a video of her dad playing on a screen on the other end of the aisle. Lexi showed Charlie the video beforehand and asked how she felt about including it in the ceremony. Both women loved the idea, but knew it would be emotional. 

The video was from when Charlie was a little girl, just learning how to walk. In the clip, her father was on his knees at the beach with the ocean behind him. He had his arms stretched out wide. He smiled and encouraged his little girl, as she clumsily walked toward him. He waited, filled with pride, to catch her.

Charlie looked beautiful. She held onto Jacob’s arm and made her way toward her father’s arms. Her dad’s proud smile lit up the room. It was emotional and hard...but it was absolutely perfect.

Once they had arrived at the front, Jake kissed his new sister on the cheek and joined his wife in line with the rest of the wedding party. 

The time had come for Lexi to make her grand entrance. Jacob had carefully timed the song to swell in a dramatic crescendo when his sister appeared in the doorway. He had the entire wedding party practice for almost an hour to make sure they got the timing just right. At first, they were walking too fast down the aisle. Then, too slow. Samuel wanted to kill him during the rehearsal due to his short attention span, but all the practice was worth it.

The moment was beautiful. The music built up as she entered. There wasn’t one person who didn’t have goosebumps. 

Ashlyn stood on one side of Lex, and Ali on the other. The three made their way to the front. 

Once they joined Charlie, Ali said, "I love you." She hugged her daughter and cried as she kissed her. “Love you, too.” She said to Charlie, offering her a hug. 

Ashlyn took a deep breath and slowly let it out. “Love you, Princess.” 

Ash held her daughter and laughed when she heard her whisper, “Is that your heart or mine?”

The truth was, both of their hearts felt like they were beating out of their chests. They felt it as they embraced.

“I don’t know.” Ash answered. “All I know is that I’m so happy for you.”

The two women shared one more hug and kiss. Ashlyn hugged Charlie and took her seat next to her wife in the front row. 

Charlie and Sam had built a special platform. It had a light built into it for Lexi to stand on top of. Her flowing, diamond white dress lit up from underneath. 

It was extravagant beauty. 

Charlie felt her bride deserved nothing less.

...

“Do we have time to get drive-thru?” Sam whispered to his girlfriend. He was starving.

Kenzie looked at him like he was crazy. “Baby, there’s food at the reception.”

“Yeah, but knowing Lex and Charlie it’s probably some kind of organic tree bark, or seaweed, or something.” Sam replied.  

Kenzie shook her head in disbelief. “Sam, we filled out our RSVP cards together...” 

Sam just looked confused.

Mackenzie continued, “You chose steak.”

“I did?”

“Yes.” 

“What are the other options?” Sam asked. He wondered if the decision he had made was a good one. 

“Steak, BBQ ribs, chicken, and a vegetarian lasagna.” Mackenzie answered. She immediately saw a look of regret in her boyfriend’s eyes. She laughed at him and added, “I ordered the ribs for myself...knowing you would change your mind.”

Sam’s face lit up. His girlfriend was a genius. 

It only took him a few seconds for him to reconsider.

“But what about the steak?” He asked. The question was more for himself than to get an answer from his girlfriend. He was in the middle of deciding if he actually would prefer the meal he had chosen months ago. 

“We can share.” Mackenzie said, reading Samuel’s mind. “I figured you would want both.”

Sam appeared to get teary eyed as he said, “Have I ever told you how much I love you?”

Mackenzie couldn’t help but roll her eyes and smile.

...

Ashlyn and Ali took turns dancing with both brides during the mother/daughter dance. Samuel reserved a dance with his favorite bride. His dance moves weren’t great, but the conversation between the siblings was sweet. 

“How’s your knee?” Lexi asked. Her brother’s movements were slow. She assumed he was in pain. 

Sam shrugged it off and answered, “Fine.” He dipped her and held her there. 

“Sammy, pull me up.” 

He laughed. His sister was in heels and her big dress made it hard for her to keep her balance. She was completely at his mercy.

Sam laughed and after a brief delay, brought her back to her feet. 

Lexi slapped him in the chest and scolded him. “You are the worst!” She laughed it off and said, “I love you, little brother. Thanks for helping make today the best day of my life.”

“Love you too, Lex. You’re the most beautiful bride I’ve ever seen.” He replied. The two of them danced for one more song before Jacob cut in. 

...

“You should go dance with her.” Mackenzie said, encouraging her boyfriend to ask one of the wedding guests for a dance. 

Sam rubbed his leg and said, “Nah, she’s got her wife to dance with.”

“But she’s your first crush. I bet she would love to dance with you.” Kenzie argued. “Your Mom told me that she used to refer to you as her boyfriend. It’ll be sweet.”

“Tobin doesn’t want to dance with me. Besides, my knee hurts.” Sam replied. He knew Mackenzie wouldn’t pressure him if she thought he was in pain.

His plan worked.

“Maybe we should sit down.” Mackenzie said in worry, and led him by the hand to the head table. At the moment they were the only two there, while everyone else was on the dance floor. Kenzie used the privacy as an opportunity to get personal. “Baby, can I ask you something?”

“Sure.” Sam answered, without a second thought.

“I mean...you know me...I just kinda say what I’m thinking.” Mackenzie rambled. “But with today and...you know...everything was so beautiful...I was just wondering...” She couldn’t seem to get the words out.

“Just say it, Kenze.” Sam encouraged. He took a sip of a glass of someone’s champagne that had been left behind from dinner and motioned that she should explain.

“It’s just...”

“Go on.” Sam said, taking another sip.

Kenzie couldn’t hold it in any longer. She blurted out, “When are you going to propose?”  

Samuel almost choked on the liquid that he was in the middle of swallowing. He coughed in an attempt to clear his throat and then he coughed a few more times just to waste a little time. His brain needed an extra moment to catch up. 

“I should have danced with Tobin.” Sam said. He meant to only think it, but he said it out loud. He saw his girlfriend's disappointed face and followed up his blunder with the truth. “I’m waiting to propose.” 

“What are you waiting for?” Mackenzie asked. “Do you want me to do it?”

Sam’s eyes went wide as he said, “No!” 

“Then what’s the hold up?” Mackenzie asked. “We’ve been dating for a while now. We built a house together. We have a dog together. I know, at least for me, I don’t want anyone else. Why don’t you want to get married?”

“I do...I do want to get married.” Sam stuttered nervously. This was not something he was prepared to talk about. He had a plan, but it would take time.

“Ok? So...what are you waiting for?”

Sam put his head down and rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “I can’t say.” Sam answered awkwardly. “Can you just trust me?”

“Of course.” Mackenzie answered. She did trust him, but she was still disappointed. She knew she had found the love of her life.

...

“Lexi, you look so beautiful!” Alex exclaimed. Tobin nodded in agreement with her arm around her wife’s waist.

“Thank you.” Lexi answered shyly. 

Alex’s opinion always meant a lot to her. Her desire to impress her went back to when her and her mother would have “Diva Days” with Alex. Tobin and Ash would take Sam out on an adventurous play date, while the 3 Alexandras got manicures, massages, and makeovers. 

“I don’t think you’ve ever met my fiancé...um...wife.” Lexi said, correcting herself mid-sentence. She smiled and added, “I gotta get used to calling her my wife....Babe!” Lexi announced across the dance floor, calling out to her bride. Charlie was in the middle of doing the chicken dance with Jamie. 

When Lexi’s new wife didn’t hear her, she spoke a little louder, “Charlie!”

The artist continued to laugh and dance with the youngest of the Krieger-Harris siblings. 

Lexi cupped her hands around her mouth and yelled, “Charlotte!” 

The use of Charlie’s full name not only got her attention, but scared her a little bit. She wondered if it was possible for her to have upset her wife after only a couple hours of marriage.

She hurried over to Lexi and the Morgan-Heaths.

“What’s up?” Charlie asked. 

“Baby, I wanted to introduce you to Alex and Tobin. They’re practically family.” Lex answered. 

After a formal introduction Charlie said, “It’s great to finally meet you. I feel like I already know you. The in-laws talk about you all the time.”

Lexi gushed, “Aww...the ‘in-laws.’ We’re married now!”

...

While Lexi and Charlie made their rounds to greet and thank their guests, Ali, Alex and Tobin took some time to catch up. 

“How are you feeling?” Alex asked Ali. “I bet it’s a bittersweet day watching your little girl get married.”

Tobin nodded along with her wife, happy to let her do most of the talking. She played with a straw from one of the drinks on the table and quietly listened to the conversation.

Ali leaned in and got serious. “It has been hard.” She confessed. “We spent half the day in the emergency room.”

“What happened?” Alex asked in shock. She never expected to hear that. Tobin put the straw down and gave her friend her full attention.

Ali lowered her voice and said, “Lex doesn’t know. We didn’t want to worry her. Ash had another episode.”

“Her blood pressure?” Alex asked. 

Tobin worriedly scanned the large room to find Ashlyn. She watched her friend from afar as she listened to Ali explain. 

“Her blood pressure and anxiety have been a real problem. This morning she had chest pains. Doctor said that it probably felt as painful as if she had an actual heart attack. I felt so helpless. She does all that she can to keep it under control, but it’s not enough.” Ali’s eyes started to water as she said, “I’m worried sick about her.”

“Is she working too much?” Alex asked. She knew Ashlyn’s reputation for pushing herself too hard.

Ali shook her head and answered, “No. Sam is practically running the business now. She keeps busy, but it’s nothing like it was. She takes her medication, eats right, and makes it a priority to rest.” Ali sighed, “She’s doing everything right...but it’s not enough.”

Alex put her arm around her friend and said, “Is there anything we can do?”

“I’m afraid not. I’m so worried about her.” Ali replied. She followed Tobin’s gaze and found her wife. “I love her more every day. We always said that our love would last forever...Lately, forever is starting to feel a lot shorter than it used to.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rest assured, I am not going to kill Ashlyn off. These next couple of chapters are about Lexi, her happiness, and her parents' realization that life and love are a gift that shouldn't be taken for granted.


	270. Forever (Part Two)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a FLASHFORWARD chapter.

“Hey...” Sam greeted his girlfriend.

Mackenzie was at a loss for words. She just stared at him awkwardly. 

“What?” Sam asked. 

Kenzie was never good at hiding things. She wished she was able to be smooth and confident in times like this, but she always came off as nervous and graceless. 

“I don’t want to say.” Mackenzie replied. 

“What don’t you want to say?” Sam asked. “And where is your purse?” 

Mackenzie had left to find her purse at the family table. She had accidentally overheard Ali explain to Alex and Tobin about Ashlyn’s health problems that day. She knew that Sam would want to know what she had heard, but she also knew that his parents were keeping it from him for a reason. She felt like she had stumbled in the middle of a no win situation.

Mackenzie answered, “Your Mom was having a private conversation, I didn’t want to interrupt.” 

“I’ll go get it for you.” Sam volunteered. “She won’t mind if I interrupt her. I’m her favorite.” Samuel joked. 

“Actually...” Mackenzie replied. “It might be better for you to stay here.”

Sam studied his girlfriend's face and body language. He knew something was wrong.

“Kenze, what’s going on?”

It was no use. Mackenzie had to come clean. She felt horrible just at the thought of keeping a secret from Sam. 

“I overheard your Mom talking...”

...

“I understand why you wouldn’t tell Lex.” Sam said. His mother was in the middle of paying the caterer. “But why wouldn’t you tell me?”

Ashlyn briefly ignored her son, finished writing out the check, and thanked the woman who fed the wedding guests. Ashlyn politely smiled before dragging her son by the arm to a private hallway. 

“What’s going on?” Ash asked. “That was rude. I was in the middle of talking to someone.”

“You went to the ER today and didn’t tell me.” Sam blurted out. “Were you just going to pretend that everything was fine. Were you going to lie about it forever?”

Sam sounded angry, but Ashlyn knew better.

“Bam, I didn’t tell you because you were with your sister. This is her special day. She would know if something was up if we told you.” Ashlyn explained. 

Samuel knew it was true. Lexi could always tell when he was upset. Ashlyn’s reasoning was sound, but it didn’t make it any easier. 

“Ma...” Sam said. He felt a lump rise in his throat. Suddenly talking felt difficult. “Ma...” Sam said again. He didn’t know what else to say, but what he was feeling. He sounded like Ashlyn’s sensitive little boy when he finally said, “I don’t want you to be sick, Mama.”

Ashlyn sighed and said, “I’m sorry, Sam-Bam. I don’t know what to say. I promise you I’ve been doing my best to stay healthy. Lately it seems that I don’t have much of a say anymore.” Ash confessed. “If I could change things, I would.”

Samuel was physically the biggest and strongest of Ash and Ali’s children, but his parents always considered his sensitive heart to be his greatest strength. Ashlyn watched as her son’s eyes glazed over. He was distracted by the thought of a life without his mother. 

Ashlyn tugged on his hand to bring him back to their conversation. 

“Son, we don’t live life in fear. We’re adventurous and excited about the unknown.” Ashlyn said. “I’m sorry I can’t think of anything else to say to make this better. All I know is that my past and present are pretty awesome. I have you and the rest of the family. We’ve had a great life. I’m not going to let an unknown tomorrow keep me from seeing the beauty of today.”

Sam nodded in agreement, but Ashlyn could tell that his heart wasn’t in it.

“Bam, can you try to forget about it? At least for today? Today is about Lex and Charlie. They deserve to have this day just be about their happiness.”

“Sure.” Sam said half-heartedly. 

Ashlyn decided to take what she could get. 

Team Awesome joined the head table where Ali, Alex and Tobin were still seated and catching up. Mackenzie had been anxiously waiting for Samuel to finish speaking to Ashlyn. She was worried and felt guilty about the whole thing. 

Ali noticed immediately that something was wrong. Both her wife and son looked upset. 

“Sweetheart, what’s wrong?” Ali asked Sam. 

Samuel didn't answer. He was still figuring out how he was supposed to feel about the whole situation. He was thankful when he felt his girlfriend’s hand slip into his own. Mackenzie stayed quiet, not wanting to get in the middle of a family matter. 

Ashlyn answered for her brooding son. “He knows about what happened today.”

“You told him?” Ali asked in an accusing tone. She had hoped to protect him from the truth for a few more hours. 

“Actually...” Mackenzie interrupted. She didn’t want to get Ashlyn in trouble. “I’m sorry. It was me. I accidentally overheard you talking. I couldn’t keep it from him.” Kenzie wanted to cry. She felt guilty and absolutely horrible that Sam was obviously feeling hurt by the whole situation. 

Samuel protectively objected, “It’s not Kenzie’s fault!” He was beginning to recognize one of the emotions he was feeling...anger. “I’m not a child. You shouldn’t have tried to lie and hide this from me!”

As Samuel walked away, Mackenzie followed behind him, but not before apologizing one last time for telling her boyfriend about Ashlyn’s health problems that morning. 

...

“How about if we get your crutches and take your brace off?” Mackenzie suggested. 

Sam was in a foul mood and she was determined to find some way to comfort him. She knew his knee had to be bothering him after several hours of walking on it without his crutches. It was at least a place to start in her attempt to help him feel better. 

“I’m fine.” Sam mumbled. 

“Sammy, you’re not fine. Let me help you.” Mackenzie replied. Her kind heart was breaking for Sam.

“Excuse me...” 

The couple was startled by an unexpected voice during what they had thought was a private conversation. 

“I hope you don’t mind...” Tobin continued. “...but I could tell you’re upset.” 

In a way, Tobin always felt that Samuel was one of her closest friends. Their friendship wasn’t typical, but she always felt that they shared a connection. He held a special place in her heart, an even at a young age he seemed to share her unique perspective on life. She figured that he had probably outgrown the bond that they shared when he was younger, but she still felt the same. Samuel was someone that she cared very much about and would do anything to help. Tobin couldn’t stand by knowing that her former little boyfriend was hurting.

“I’ll leave you two alone.” Mackenzie said. Sam immediately grabbed her hand and pulled her back toward him. 

“Stay.” He whispered to her.

Tobin held back a smile. The scene in front of her was one that confirmed that her little boyfriend had grown up and found a real girlfriend to love. The moment between the two was brief, but Tobin could clearly see Mackenzie’s significance in Sam’s life. 

“Please stay.” Tobin said, encouraging Sam’s girlfriend. “I’ve heard a lot about you from Ash and Ali. You’re more than welcome to stay.”

Kenzie offered a smile and said, “I’ve heard a lot about you, too. You mean a lot to Sam.”

Mackenzie’s words meant more to Tobin than they would ever know. Tobin smiled and thanked Mackenzie for her kind words, but she didn’t want to waste any more time getting to the heart of the issue. 

“Bammers, you seem angry.” Tobin observed out loud. 

Sam replied, “I am angry. They should have told me!”

Tobin shook her head and said, “You’re not really angry.”

He narrowed his eyes and argued, “Yes, I am.”

“You’re not.” Tobin assured him. “You’re scared.”

Sam’s head fell forward. He couldn’t make eye contact with either of the women. He didn’t want to let his true feelings show. 

Tobin continued, “Anger is perceived as being in our control. Fear is the opposite. We’re scared because we’re helpless to do anything to make things better. You’re not angry at your parents. You’re scared that you might lose your mother.”

Sam swallowed hard and continued to listen.

“I wish I could tell you the perfect cliché phrase that would bring comfort and make everything better. But the truth is, in a situation like this, there aren’t any words to make it better.”

Mackenzie held tight to Sam’s arm as Tobin continued, “When my Dad died, I was looking for some kind of answer to make everything go away. I felt angry, sad...broken...I felt like I had missed my chance to make things right with him.” 

Tobin’s Dad was never able to get used to the idea of his daughter being in a relationship with another woman. Her mother had made an effort to understand and to repair their relationship, but her father refused to do the same. While he was alive, Tobin was confident that she was doing what was best for her and her family. Alex and their children were her priority, but when he passed away, she questioned every decision she had made. She felt like she should’ve tried to do more to make things right.

“We get moments like that...” Tobin said and nodded toward Lexi and Charlie who looked beautiful as they laughed and danced. The joy between the couple filled the whole room. “If we’re lucky we get lots and lots of moments like that.” 

Tobin wiped one stray tear and said, “And then we have other moments. They are just as inexplicable and overwhelming...just in a different way...and in some way they can even be beautiful.”

Sam raised his eyes to meet Tobin’s and asked, “Even your Dad dying? That was beautiful?”  
 Mackenzie was mortified by the question. She worried that Samuel may have gone too far. She hoped that Sam’s question didn’t cause the woman to become upset. 

Kenzie didn’t know that Tobin loved Sam’s questions. Tob knew that they always came from a sincere heart and curious mind. Samuel cared very much about the answers Tobin gave to his questions. 

“Yeah.” Tobin answered. “I realized at his funeral that I had more love for him than anger. If nothing else, I felt relief. I thought that there was something wrong with me for so long before that. I wondered why my own father wouldn’t accept me, but it wasn’t my fault.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Sam asked. Once again, his girlfriend worried that his question and tone might be a little offensive. But just like last time, Tobin was happy to answer. 

“Because I want you to know that no one has it all figured out. The truth is, life sucks sometimes. We live in a broken world full of broken people. We can’t make sense of why people get sick, or why horrible things happen...especially to people like your mother. She’s had more than her fair share of challenges.” Tobin answered.

Sam nodded in agreement. His heart didn’t feel any lighter, but somehow it felt better just knowing that someone else knew how he felt and didn't think he was wrong for feeling that way. Tobin didn’t try to make excuses, or come up with the perfect answer that would make everything alright. That answer didn’t exist. Instead, she validated his feelings and reminded him that he wasn’t alone.

“I wish there was something I could do.” Sam confessed. 

Mackenzie gave his hand a squeeze. 

Tobin replied, “What I hear is that you’ve already been doing a lot to help. You’re doing all you can.”

“It’s not enough.” Sam said. “She still gets sick.”

“It sounds like everyone is doing their part to help. You’re doing your best. That’s all you can do.” Tobin said. 

Samuel replied in frustration, “But it’s not enough.”

“But it’s all you can do.” Tobin countered. 

“But it’s not enough.” Samuel said for a second time. 

Tobin recognized that he was frustrated and also desperate. She sighed and said, “I wish I could guarantee that all of your efforts would always be enough, but the fact is we can only do our best. All I can say is that you need to cherish the times that you have with the people you love.”

Sam caught his girlfriend’s compassionate eyes and nodded in understanding and agreement with what Tobin was saying. He put his arm around his girlfriend and gave her a squeeze before saying. “I’ve got one more question for you.” 

“What’s that?” Tobin asked. 

Sam stuck his hand out toward her and said, “May I have this dance?”

...

Most of the guests had left the reception. The Krieger-Harris family was worn out. Jamie found a seat next to Ali and fell asleep against her side. Bella and Jacob helped Lexi and Charlie load up all the gifts that their wedding guests had brought. The plan was for the couple to send them with Sam, who was instructed by his bossy older sister to drop them off at her and her wife’s apartment.

Ashlyn felt someone’s arms wrap around her from behind. At first she was startled by the unexpected contact. She was facing her wife and Ali wore a tired smile. When she heard her son’s voice, she sighed in relief.

“Sorry for how I acted.” Sam apologized quietly, so that Ash was the only one who could hear him.

Ashlyn patted her son’s arms that were crossed in front of her and said, “You don’t need to apologize, Sam-Bam.”

“I acted like I was mad, but I wasn’t.” Sam confessed.

Ashlyn turned to face him and replied, “I know.”

“I love you, Ma.”

As Ashlyn was about to return the sentiment, her daughter’s voice ruined the moment. 

“Give me my present, Dummy.” Lexi ordered.

Sam let out a long breath in an attempt to manage his emotions. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He answered. He may have been stressed out about his mother’s health, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t mess with his sister one last time for the night.

“Shut up.” She replied. She wasn’t going to fall for his antics. “I don’t need to waste my time with you. I’ll just ask Kenzie.”

Sam pulled out a slightly wrinkled envelope from his back pocket and said, “I believe this is what you’re looking for.”

Samuel had convinced his sister to let him and Mackenzie give them a special honeymoon vacation. The only reason Lexi agreed to let her brother have any part in surprising them with the honeymoon destination was because Mackenzie was involved. 

Lexi reached for the envelope that held the honeymoon itinerary and just as her fingertips grazed the sealed envelope, her brother pulled it from her grasp.

“Where are we going? Hawaii?” Lexi asked. The only stipulation she had made was that she wanted to go somewhere where her wife could surf.

Sam laughed in mocking and answered, “How about Virginia? They say it’s for lovers.”

“You are seriously an idiot.” Lex replied. Samuel let his sister take the envelope from his hand and smiled as she opened it up.

Lexi’s breath caught in her throat. “The Caribbean.” She sighed, “Woah.”

“Kenze can give you more info about the place. It’s an all inclusive resort thingy, so you can do whatever you want. It’s on us.” Sam explained.  
 Lexi excitedly pulled her little brother into a hug and thanked him half a dozen times before he cut her off by joking. He told her that she could do whatever she wanted, as long as she didn’t tell him about the details of what they do in the bedroom. 

“Ain’t nobody wanna hear about that.” Sam added. 

“You’re such an idiot....Thank you. I love you.” Lex replied.

...

“They’re here!” Bella shouted excitedly. Her sister and sister-in-law had returned from their 2 week honeymoon and were making their way to the front door for the weekly Krieger-Harris family dinner. This was the first anyone had seen of them since they had left their wedding reception. 

Ali and Jamie were in the kitchen finishing up preparing food and setting the table for their family. When Ali heard her daughter’s announcement she dropped what she was doing and hurried to the door. 

After big hugs and several kisses, Lexi asked, “Where is everybody?”

“Sammy and Kenzie are running late. You’re Mama had to make a stop at the pharmacy to fill her and Jamie’s prescriptions.” Ali answered. “But don’t you worry. Everyone is excited to see you two and will be here soon.”

Just as Ali had promised, the rest of the family soon arrived to dinner. After some family time and gossip, Ali and Ashlyn found a few moments alone while they cleaned up. 

“So, apparently the secrets out.” Ali announced. 

Ashlyn scrunched up her face and asked, “What secret?”

“Our Lexi knows about your hospital visit the morning of her wedding.” Ali answered. 

“Who told her?” 

Ali answered her wife, “She didn’t say, but knowing our children, it was probably one of the twins.”

“I’m surprised she didn’t say something to me about it.” Ashlyn said. 

Ali pursed her lips before explaining what their daughter had said, “She didn’t want to stress you out. Apparently, now that she has been married for two whole weeks she feels obligated to tell me how to be a better wife to you. I need to take better care of you.” Ali’s sarcasm wasn’t missed by Ashlyn.

“Babe, don’t let it bother you. You’re probably the only reason I’m still alive.” Ashlyn replied. She finished her statement off with a laugh. 

Ali didn’t laugh along. “Baby, please don’t joke about that.”

Ashlyn apologized, “Alex, I may have said it as a joke, but I was being serious. You’re more than amazing. You saved my life when we were still kids and you continue to do it every day.”

“That’s sweet.” Ali replied. “But I still can’t stop worrying about you.”

“I know...and I’m really sorry about that. I wish I could’ve made things easier for you.”

Ali put her finger to her wife’s lips and said, “I’m gonna stop you right there. You made things perfect for me. That’s how you made things for me. Don’t even try to deny it. Look at our beautiful family for proof.” Ali started to tear up as she thought about how perfect their lives truly were. 

Ashlyn pulled her wife into an embrace and held her tightly against her. 

Ali continued, “Listening to Lexi talk about their honeymoon made me remember what it was like to be a newlywed. They both have a glow about them. I remember feeling that way about you.” 

Ashlyn nodded along and smiled. She remembered those days well.

“But I feel like what we have now after all these years is even better than those glowing early days of our marriage.” Ali said. “We’ve been through some really high highs, and really low lows...”

Ashlyn thought back on her many health problems, and all the other struggles that required them to dig deep and commit to one another through it all.

“I am so confident in our love, because we have been through hell and back.” Ali said. “You never gave up on me when I was crazy and had a short temper. You loved me even when I probably didn’t deserve it.” 

“Babe, why are you putting yourself through this?” Ashlyn asked. Her wife was in tears as she confessed her heart.

“Because I want you to know that our love is forever. I love you with everything that I am. I feel like Lexi. There is still a ‘glow’ to our love. I want you to know that my heart is more your’s now than it’s ever been.”

Ashlyn held her wife close. She closed her eyes and breathed in the perfection of the moment. 

“No wonder I have high blood pressure and heart palpitations.” Ashlyn said. 

Ali raised an eyebrow and asked, “What do you mean?”

“My heart can’t help but skip a beat when I’m with you.”

Ali’s face turned bright red. It was in part because of embarrassment for her wife’s cheesy line, and partly because of her absolute adoration for Ashlyn.

“I love you.” Ali whispered. 

The women shared a kiss and Ashlyn replied, “I’ll love you forever.”


	271. Skills

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a FLASHBACK chapter and a prompt request from one of my faves!
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

“I can’t wait to tell everyone!” Ali exclaimed. Her and her fiancé walked side-by-side, rolling their carry-on bags behind them.

Ashlyn had recently proposed to Ali and the two of them were now living and playing in Germany. They still lived apart, about 3 hours apart to be exact, but that was nothing compared to the ocean of distance that used to separate them.

“HAO already knows.” Ashlyn replied. “She promised not to say anything, but you know her.”

“How should we tell them? Should I just wave my finger around until someone notices, or should we make it a big thing?” Ali asked.

Ashlyn shrugged. She really didn’t care.

“It might be fun to make a dramatic announcement.” Ali suggested.

Ashlyn smirked and added, “I’m sure someone would like that.” She was referring to Ali’s love of being the center of attention.

Again, Ashlyn didn’t care one way, or another. Whatever made Ali happy, was fine with her.

...

Ash helped Ali carry her heavy bag to their room. She threw it on one of the beds and mumbled, “How much junk does one person need?’

Ashlyn didn’t exactly try to say it quietly, but she also wasn’t saying it loudly either. So, she was somewhat surprised when she heard Ali answer her.

 “Baby, it’s not that much. Besides, you should be happy. It’s not often we get to share a room when we’re with the team.”

The person in charge of the rooming assignments, and most of the staff and coaches, hadn’t yet found out that they were in a relationship. However, it was still rare for the two of them to get picked to share a room.

“You do realize that once we announce the engagement we will never share a room again.” Ashlyn replied.

Ashlyn’s words of warning ended up being true only until they had adopted Lexi and Sam. When they needed to take both children with them, the team learned it was easier for the whole family to share a room instead of splitting them up. A bad case of the flu almost took out half the team the last time they were separated.

The women thought that this was their last chance before everyone, including their coaches and the staff, started looking at them differently. They weren’t going to take one moment alone for granted.

“I feel gross from the flight.” Ash said with a smirk, she held her arm up and half-heartedly smelled her armpit. She then sniffed in her fiancé’s direction and said, “You could use a shower too.”

Ali would have been offended if she didn’t know Ashlyn’s motivation for the comment. She wasn’t surprised at all when Ash lunged for her and carried her to the bathroom where they would soon enjoy one of the many perks of sharing a room.

“Baby, be careful of your shoulder!” Ali squealed right before Ashlyn turned the water on and placed her in the shower fully clothed.

...

The team trainer put Ashlyn through a series of tests to evaluate how far along she was in her recovery. Ash had injured her shoulder right before she moved to Germany to be with Ali. She had come a long way since, and was eager to show what she could do.

Ali watched nervously when Ashlyn dove for a few saves on the other side of the field. She knew that her fiancé was in great shape and that her shoulder was strong. However, she couldn’t help but worry. It had been a hard recovery for Ashlyn, and Ali was the one who walked her through it. She was the only one who really knew how hard her future wife had worked.

...

After the first training of the day, the engaged couple found each other when the team gathered for lunch.

“Hey...” Ali whispered into Ashlyn’s ear. She had snuck up behind her as the team filed into a line to load their plates with food.

Ashlyn jumped slightly when she felt Ali’s fingers in her side and her breath tickle her ear. “Hey.” Ash whispered back.

“How’s your shoulder?” Ali asked. “You didn’t push too hard, did you?”

“It’s fine.” Ash answered. “You worry too much.”

Ali had to stop herself from cuddling into Ashlyn from behind and kissing her cheek, before saying, “Please be careful.”

Ashlyn laughed loudly and answered, “I’m always careful, woman. No worries.”

Ali felt a tug on her arm. When she looked behind her to find the source, she was met with a suspicious grin from the team’s starting goalkeeper.

“What’s up with you two?” Hope asked. She narrowed her eyes and asked, “You two finally hooking up?”

Ali’s face turned bright red. Ashlyn was oblivious to the accusation. Otherwise, she might have attempted to save Ali from the embarrassment.

A handful of their teammates knew about the two of them dating. Hope was not one of them.

“What do you mean?” Ali asked, trying her best to sound confused by the question.

“It’s obvious that you two are into each other. It’s only a matter of time before you get together.” Hope answered.

Ali wanted to laugh, but held it in. She held her finger up to her lips and said, “Shhh...don’t tell anyone.”

Hope offered a reassuring wink and replied, “You got it.”

...

“Krieger told me about your little secret.” Hope teased. She and Ashlyn were stretching in an area of the field where there wasn’t anyone else around. Hope felt like it was the perfect opportunity to give her fellow keeper a hard time.

Ashlyn was fairly certain that Ali would have warned her about any conversation she had with Hope, especially if it had to do with their relationship.

Ash did the only thing she could think to do. She played dumb.

“What do you mean?”

“You’re an idiot, but your not that stupid.” Hope replied. “You know what I’m talking about.”

Ashlyn was skeptical that Hope knew anything, but played along and asked, “How did you find out?”

“Ash, you need to know that I have eyes and ears everywhere. I see all. I know all.”

“Is that right?” Ash asked sarcastically. Hope was acting a little too confident about knowing the details of her private life.

“Oh, yeah.” Hope bragged. “You can’t hide anything from me. I know that you and Krieger are totally dating.”

Ashlyn stifled a laugh and said, “I guess we can’t hide anything from you.”

“That’s right, Harris.” Hope said arrogantly. “I see all and I know all.”

...

“Hmmm...” Ali hummed between kisses. “I missed you.”

Ashlyn was in the process of navigating her hand underneath Ali’s shirt when they heard a knock on the door.

As Ali pulled away, she heard her fiancé mumble, “Son of a...”

Ali straightened up her shirt after she left Ashlyn’s embrace to answer the door. She saw through the peephole that it was HAO and wasted no time to let her in.

Ashlyn had made no attempts to hide the fact that their friend had interrupted them. Ash had Ali’s lipstick smudged on her lips, flushed cheeks, and a look of irritation on her face.

“Did I interrupt something?” HAO asked with a laugh.

Ali sweetly answered, “Of course not.”

Ashlyn glared at her friend as an answer.

“Sorry.” Heather apologized. “But I need to ask you guys to do me a favor.”

“What’s up?” Ali asked. She worked to wipe the smudged red from her fiancé’s face. Ashlyn was unwavering in the glare of death she gave Heather.

“Ok, I need two favors.” Heather said. “First, can you do something about that.” HAO pointed at Ash’s exaggerated angry face. The blonde was practically growling at her.

Ali giggled as she kissed her fiancé’s cheek and whispered something in her ear that brought an immediate smile. Ashlyn licked her own lips and seemed to have a much brighter outlook on the situation.

“Just promise me you will never tell me what you just said to her.” Heather asked before continuing, “The real reason I’m here is to ask you to please tell people you’re engaged. I am dying over here.”

Ali asked, “What’s going on? Is someone asking about us?”

“Hope just came up to me out of nowhere and asked if I knew anything about you two.” HAO explained. She added, “If Hope is suspicious, you know this isn’t going to end until she finds something out.”

“I wouldn’t worry too much about her.” Ashlyn chimed in. “She thinks she already has it all figured out.”

Ashlyn used the opportunity to explain the conversation she had had with Hope earlier that day. Ali filled in some of the details that she knew, before the couple promised HAO they would make an announcement soon.

...

On the last night of camp, the team met at a local restaurant for dinner. Ali and Ash were sad that their already slim chance of rooming together would soon turn into no chance at all, but neither could deny the pride they had in their relationship. They were both tired of hiding it.

Ali’s hands slipped under the table. After casually putting on her engagement ring, she let her left hand rest on Ashlyn’s thigh. Soon Ash’s hand joined hers under the table.

Usually at the end of camp the women are ready to unwind. The team had their fill of carbs, dessert, and wine. As the dinner was coming to an end and the players were almost ready to scatter to their respective club teams, Ali squeezed Ashlyn’s hand to signal that it was time.

Ashlyn removed her hand from Ali’s hidden hand and used her knife to clink her glass. She stood up and said, “Before we all go our separate ways I wanted to say something.”

Ash caught Hope smirking at the other end of the table. She didn't notice the slight nod she made in Carli’s direction. The keeper had shared the recently learned information about her fellow keeper and a certain right back with her best friend on the team, Carli.

Ashlyn cleared her throat and proudly said, “Many of you already know...” She smiled when her eyes met Hope’s. “...that Ali and I are dating.”

Hope’s eyes grew big when she found out that she wasn’t as ‘in the know’ as she thought.

“Yeah, yeah...” Tobin joked. “The perfect love story. Perfect couple....blah, blah, blah.”

Hope was even more surprised that Tobin, who was the least nosy of the entire team, knew about Ashlyn and Ali before she did.

“As I was saying...” Ash said, cutting Tobin’s unimpressed attitude off before she spoiled the mood. “We have been dating now for...” She looked at Ali for confirmation and said, “8 months now?”

After Ali nodded in agreement she continued, “And now we’ve been engaged for 2 months.” Ashlyn said it as nonchalantly as she could. It was as if it was just another unimportant, normal, everyday tidbit of conversation.

Though there were several gasps and cheers, Ashlyn’s focus was fixed on Hope. She ended her speech by asking the starting goalkeeper, “Bet you didn’t see that coming, Solo.”

Hope choked on the sip of wine she had just swallowed.

Ali showed off her ring and told the story of how Ashlyn had proposed to her in a hot air balloon on her birthday. She joked about how Ash had been so nervous that she forgot to give her the ring at first.

Ash didn’t mind the teasing and laughter that came at her expense. It was all worth it to be able to one day call Ali her wife.

...

The congratulations continued to roll in as the teammates made their way back to their club teams. Ali held her fiancé’s hand at the airport while the two waited for their flight to Germany to depart. She was exhausted from the intense week of camp they had just finished. It was not a surprise to Ashlyn when Ali fell asleep against her shoulder.

It was a quiet laugh that woke the brunette from her slumber.

“What?” Ali asked. She pressed her face into Ashlyn’s bicep before leaving a kiss on her arm.

Ashlyn didn’t use her own words to answer. Instead, she showed Ali the text she had just received from Hope.

_“You got me. I didn’t see all. I didn’t know all. In fact, maybe I didn't know anything. Congrats, Harris. You got yourself a good woman. Who knew you had it in you?”_

“I guess I impressed Hope with my woman-getting skills.” Ash bragged.

“Your woman-getting skills...” Ali said, mocking her fiancé’s choice of words.

“Don’t worry, Babe. I’ll only use them for the good of humanity. My charm and special abilities could wreak havoc in the wrong hands.” Ashlyn explained.

Ali nodded along, patronizing her favorite blonde.

“With great power comes great responsibility.” Ash added. “But like I said, don’t worry, Alex. Soon I’ll be all yours.”

“You’re not all mine already?” Ali asked, flirtatiously challenging Ash’s silliness.

Ashlyn didn’t hesitate to drop the act and get real with Ali.

Ash’s voice lowered and Ali thought she might have seen her fiancé’s eyes glisten when she said, “I’ve always been all yours. From the moment I first saw you...and more and more every day after that.”

Ali fanned her watery eyes and said, “You weren’t kidding. You really do have amazing woman-getting skills!” She pulled Ashlyn’s face close and shared a soft kiss with her before adding, “I can’t wait to marry you!”

Ashlyn smiled and said, “All that really matters is that I have Ali-getting skills, because there is no other woman that compares to you.”

“There’s that charm you warned me about.”

“What can I say, Babe? I told you I got skills!”


	272. The Weird Twin Connection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a prompt request. (There's also a bonus throwback prompt request included, in case anyone notices.)
> 
> This chapter is set up as snapshots over time that reveal more about the twins, Bella and Jamie.

“Alex, I need your help!” Ashlyn desperately yelled from the twins’ bedroom. She was in the middle of a scream-fest between the infants.

The twins were at an age where their vocal cords were strong enough to let out a sharp, ear-piercing sound that Ashlyn described as the sound of a million tears. (The tears she was referring to were her own.) The volume of the cries was only get louder and the woman, who had dealt with headache problems, was beginning to feel a familiar dull pain that, if not dealt with soon, would turn into something much worse.

She was desperate for her wife’s help.

Unfortunately for Ashlyn, Ali had her own kind of headache to deal with. Lexi and Samuel were in the middle of a fight. She was still unclear about the 5 year old boy’s intentions, but he broke one of his sister’s favorite toys. Lex responded by taking her anger out on her little brother's face. Sam was left with a bloody nose and a fat lip.

The incident rekindled a regular argument that Ali had with her wife. She had questioned whether teaching their children to fight, even for self-defense purposes, was a good idea. She hated the thought that they were reinforcing that hurting someone was okay.

Ali knelt down in front of Samuel and tried to stop the bleeding. The boy was a blubbering mess and his big sister was rattling off excuse after excuse about why she wasn’t to blame.

It took a solid 15 minutes for the siblings to quiet down enough for Ali to get the whole story. Lexi ended up in timeout, while Ali carried Sam to check on Ashlyn and the youngest children.

Samuel was quietly crying in Ali’s ear about how Lex hurt his heart and face. If he wasn’t so sad, his mother may have thought to laugh about his wording. And if she was Ashlyn, she would have made a joke about it.

Ali rolled her eyes just imagining the scenario...

_Ash: “Hey Bam. Does your face hurt?”_

_Sam: “Yeah.”_

_Ash: “Well, it’s killing me.” Followed by uncontrollable laughter._

There was certainly nothing to laugh about when she saw her wife in tears. The blonde held both babies, one in each arm, and bounced up and down in an attempt to comfort them. Ali lowered Samuel until his feet met the floor. The sensitive boy refused to let go of her, but after some prompting he released his hold of her neck. Once Ali was able to stand up, she took Bella from Ashlyn. Sam continued to hug Ali from behind. He still felt he needed some loving attention and affection too.

Ali matched the rhythm that Ash had been bouncing the twins in, and asked, “Are you okay?”

Ashlyn’s eyes were closed. Sound and light from the room made her headache worse. She whispered, “My head.”

Ali took a deep breath. She knew the only option was for her to take over the care of their children and let her wife escape to a more quiet and peaceful place. She felt overwhelmed just thinking about it. It was an exhausting task, but Ashlyn’s health was at stake.

“Give him to me.” Ali said. She tried to take Jamie from Ash, but Ashlyn stepped back.

Ashlyn opened her eyes. Ali noticed that they were red and tired.

Ashlyn said, “I just need your help.”

“I’m giving it to you.” Ali replied. “Go to bed.”

In the midst of their conversation, the babies were still screaming and Sam was still clinging to Ali. The brunette got an idea when she felt Sam’s fingers dig into her stomach.

“Can you help me with him?” Ali said and nodded towards their 5 year old son.

Sometimes Ashlyn’s headaches affected her vision. At the moment, she was experiencing tunnel vision. At Ali’s request, she focused her eyes, as much as she could, on the other half of Team Awesome and knew that he needed some extra attention, as well.

“You sure?” Ash asked. It was an obvious attempt to make Ash feel better about leaving.

Ali wiped Ashlyn’s cheek and answered, “I’m sure.”

Ash surrendered to letting Ali love and take care of her. She carefully handed over their youngest child before she knelt next to Sam and wrapped him up in a hug. She focused all of her energy and strength on picking up the boy and carrying him to her and her wife’s bedroom.

Ashlyn needed quiet and darkness. The best case scenario was for her to fall asleep and hopefully wake up after the headache ended. Samuel, who needed extra cuddles, and happened to be her favorite nap partner, was happy to join her. As he began to calm down, he even surprised her with light kisses on her hand to help her feel better.

The babies eventually cried themselves to sleep. The ordeal meant that Lexi stayed in time-out longer than Ali had intended. She had completely forgotten about her. Poor Lex definitely learned her lesson that day.

When Ashlyn felt well enough to join the rest of the family, Ali’s actions could only be described as heroic. Ash looked around and saw that all of their children were happy and getting along.

Ashlyn kissed her wife’s cheek and whispered, “Miracles are real.”

Ali replied with a confused “Huh?”

“Our babies are quiet.” Ash explained. “You’re a miracle worker. You’re a superhero. You’re MY hero.”

“Someone’s feeling better.” Ali laughed.

“Heck yeah, I’m feeling better!” Ashlyn replied. “I felt like my brain was going to explode. How can two cute little humans make such a horrible noise?”

Ali smiled at Ashlyn’s words and glanced over at their almost one year old babies. Both were all smiles and giggles. All of the kids, including Jacob’s girlfriend Rachel, were playing with the twins. They were happy babies most of the time.

The cause for their occasional, ear-piercing outbursts usually centered on one of them being upset, or in pain. Ever since birth, the two of them showed signs of feeling, in some way, what the other was feeling. Ashlyn referred to it as their “weird twin connection.”

...

Ali and Ash silently walked side by side through the halls of their children’s school. Though her wife wasn’t saying it, Ashlyn knew exactly what she was thinking. Ali was upset and questioning whether teaching their children to defend themselves was a mistake. This argument seemed to surface every few years.

The twins were in trouble for fighting. The details were still unknown, but Ali could only imagine. Her two youngest were intensely protective and loyal to one another. If one was in a fight, the other was bound to follow.

Ashlyn had chills thinking about the other times she walked the halls of the same school when her older kids got in trouble. She always felt like she was the one in trouble. Sometimes Ali’s anger was the cause of her feeling that way. She would soon find out if she would be blamed for this time too.

Upon entering the office, there was a waiting area with a few chairs set up. Bella and Jamie were occupying two of them. Bella’s eyes met Ali’s as soon as her parents entered. Her brother’s eyes remained downcast, focused on the backpack that he held tightly in his lap. His heart rate quickened. He knew they were there, but feared the disappointment and punishment he knew was soon to be revealed.

Bella spoke for the two of them and said, “We got into a fight.”

“We know that, Bella.” Ali replied with a stern tone.

The secretary announced that the principal was ready to see the four of them.

The school principal was a woman about the same age as Ashlyn and Ali. She welcomed them into her office and asked them to take a seat.

Ash sat down and instinctively pulled Jamie into her lap. He was 7 years old, and most boys his age would resist, but he wasn’t like most boys his age. He welcomed his mother’s embrace.

As usual in this sort of situation, Ali did most of the talking.

“What exactly happened?” She asked.

The principal explained, “These two attacked a boy in the hall.”

“No we did not!” Bella yelled.

Her hands were on her hips and she was ready to fight again, but Ali gave her a look so pointed that the little girl quickly apologized and took a step away from Ali and closer to Ashlyn.

“What was the cause of the fight?” Ali asked.

The woman glanced toward the fiery 7 year old and said, “I think the boy was picking on Jamie and that led to Bella hitting him.”

Bella chimed in. The power of Ali’s look of warning, that wordlessly told her to behave, had worn off. “I punched him in the face!” She said with pride. The girl was defending her brother.

Ali sighed in frustration. Her daughter had her temper and strong will, and Ashlyn’s fearless spirit. Ali glanced in her son’s direction and asked, “Okay. Well, what about him? Why is he in trouble?”

“Because apparently, he also hit him.” The principal answered.

Ali saw from the corner of her eye as her son turned into Ashlyn and closed his eyes to hide from the shame.

Ali didn’t want to ask and put him on the spot, but she had to. “Jamie, why did you hit that boy?”

Ashlyn gave her son a comforting squeeze that encouraged him to open his eyes and answer her wife. For the first time since his parents had arrived he made eye contact with Ali.

“Because he pushed Bell.”

The principal explained, “I’m sorry. I am sympathetic to the situation, but we can’t allow fighting. The other boy involved has been known to be a bully. He’s been suspended, but unfortunately we have to suspend Bella and Jamie too.”

“I understand.” Ali replied.

The woman explained the details of the twins’ suspension before they left her office. Jamie walked with his hand in Ashlyn’s and quietly listened as his sister defended their actions.

“Mom, the boy is a jerk! He’s always picking on everyone. He called Jamie mean names and called him a bad word.” Bella explained.

While Ali and Bella talked back and forth about when it was appropriate to fight, Ash watched Jamie. She wasn’t sure if it was what the bully had said to him, or the fact that he had gotten in trouble, but the boy looked sick with worry.

Ashlyn pulled her hand out of the boy’s grip and put her arm around his shoulders. She pulled him into a side hug as they followed Ali and Bella to the car. The boy used both of his arms to hold his Mama and dug his face into her side.

When the 4 arrived at Ali’s car, Ashlyn shared a look with her wife. She quickly flicked her eyes toward Jamie and the married couple had a wordless conversation in a second. Now wasn’t the time to talk about who was wrong and who was right. Instead, Ali threw her wife the keys and chose to sit in the backseat with their son. She stretched her hand across the seat and took a hold of Jamie’s.

After squeezing his hand she whispered, “I love you. I always will.”

Jamie leaned into his mother’s side and replied, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt anybody.”

“I know, sweetheart.” Ali whispered. She caught her daughter watching them from the front seat. Bella always worried that her brother was too sensitive. The girl was beginning to feel guilty about starting the fight and getting him in trouble.

She was always getting her brother into trouble.

...

“Shh!” Bella shushed her brother. “Forget you saw me. Go back to bed.”

Jamie had caught his sister sneaking out. The 15 year olds were as close as any siblings could be. They knew everything about each other. Usually, they knew what the other was thinking before the other knew they were thinking it. However this time, Jamie had no idea what his sister was up to.

“Where are you going?” Jamie asked. His volume did not match the whisper of his sister.

“Shh! Not so loud!” She scolded quietly.

Jamie asked again, only quieter, “Where are you going?”

“I’m meeting someone. Don’t worry about it.”

The boy didn’t like the sound of that. “I’m going with you.”

“No, you absolutely are not!” Bella argued. “I’m meeting someone.” She lightly pushed him backward and added, “It’s personal.”

Jamie didn’t sleep that night. His sister snuck back in around 4:30 the next morning. Their parents had gotten a lot less watchful as their older kids grew up and moved out of the house. The twins had a lot more freedom, which meant they were able to get away with a lot more than their older siblings. Jamie was left to worry about his sister on his own. Ash and Ali were clueless.

The 4 of them met at the table for breakfast. Ali greeted her children with a kiss on the cheek, while Ashlyn filled their plates with food.

“I’m not hungry.” Jamie mumbled as Ash piled on a portion of scrambled eggs.

Ali’s ‘Mom Radar’ went off and she asked, “Are you feeling sick, honey?”

Jamie shrugged and Bella gave him a death stare. She knew that the boy was starting to crack.

Ash felt his head and said, “He doesn’t feel hot.”

Ali couldn’t take her wife at her word, she needed to find out for herself. After pressing her cheek against his, she said, “You don’t feel hot.”

Ashlyn rolled her eyes and quietly joked in Bella’s direction, “If people would just listen to me...”

Bella didn’t even pretend to laugh at her mother’s joke, which made Ashlyn suspicious.

“Is there something going on between you two?” Ash asked. She watched as her youngest son’s eyes grew big, as if she had caught them in something.

Ali looked both children over and asked, “Are you two fighting?”

Bella quickly answered for both of them. “He’s mad at me for not helping him with his homework. He was up all night doing it.”

Ali scolded her and lectured her about helping her brother. Bella made a big show of apologizing to him, and their parents left it at that.

That following evening, Jamie heard Bella sneak out again. This time he had a plan. He waited for her to get into her friend’s car and then quickly ran to the garage and stole his mother’s car. He knew he was taking a big risk.

Actually, several big risks.

First, the sound of the garage door opening and closing could wake his parents. Second, he was underage to drive. Finally, the biggest risk of all, he risked his relationship with his sister.

Jamie quickly left the house, and once he caught up with his sister, he slowed his pace. He was thankful that his mother drove a black sedan. He turned off the headlights and continued to follow. It was completely dark. Almost too dark for him to drive safely. Somehow he managed, and when his sister arrived at a small all-night diner, he parked the car and watched her.

Bella waited inside the car until an older teenager jumped out and hurried to her door to open it. The boy was at least a senior in high school. Jamie didn’t recognize him, but he already knew he didn’t like him.

Jamie waited for the couple to walk towards the restaurant before leaving the car. Once their backs were toward him, he followed.

He had found a booth that was somewhat out of sight of his sister, and watched them. He couldn’t take it for very long. His sister’s date was acting too friendly with her. There was some kind of romantic feelings between the two. That was obvious. But the whole thing felt wrong to him.

The boy waited as long as he could.

It happened when Bella’s date reached under the table and let his hand wander upward on her thigh. That’s when Jamie had seen enough. He charged toward the table and grabbed the strange guy. He pulled him away just enough for him to stop touching Bella.

“Jamie, what are you doing here?” Bella screamed. The outburst and Jamie’s actions got the attention of everyone in the restaurant. After the 3 of them were kicked out, they continued their confrontation in the parking lot.

“Who is he?” Jamie asked. He was smaller than the older teen, but his anger was enough fuel for him not to notice.

“Calm down. You’re acting crazy!” Bella replied. “He’s my boyfriend.”

“Who is he?” Jamie asked again. He puffed out his chest and balled his fists. Bella’s answer wasn’t detailed enough.

The girl let out a huff and added, “He graduated last year. His name is Adam. We’ve been seeing each other for a week.”

Jamie looked the 19 year old over and said, “He’s too old.” He then directed the conversation to Adam and added, “You’re too old. Stay away from my sister!”

Adam laughed and replied, “Calm down, little man. Everything’s fine.”

Jamie didn’t take kindly to his sister’s boyfriend’s comment. He felt the man was belittling him. That’s when he squeezed his right fist tighter and used all of his strength to land a punch on Adam’s jaw. The 19 year old stumbled backwards. Bella did her best to catch him and keep him from falling all the way down.

Jamie wasn’t finished. He pushed up his sleeves and said, “I’ve taken down bigger guys than you. You wanna find out how hard I can really hit?”

The boy was angry, but he wasn’t bluffing. Out of all the kids in the family, he had taken to the self-defense classes his parents had all the children take the most. In fact, he had been part of an MMA class that his mother’s gym started.

Jamie was an emotional boy. He had learned that MMA was a good way for him to relieve his stress. Bella’s boyfriend was starting to look like a good punching bag for him.

“Jamie, stop!” Bella screamed. “You’re gonna get us arrested.” She pushed her brother away and turned to tell her boyfriend that she would be right back. She continued to push her brother toward their mother’s car until they were far enough away for her to talk privately with him.

“You’re such a baby! Why couldn’t you just stay home?”

“I knew you needed me.” Jamie replied.

She smacked him hard in his arm and replied, “I don’t need you! What I need is for you to stay away from me!”

The same tough Jamie, who threatened a man who was bigger and 4 years older than him, started to tear up. His sister’s words hurt him.

“You’re coming home with me.” He said with a shaky voice.

Bella mockingly laughed at him and said, “No, I’m not. You can go home by yourself. I don’t hang out with babies.”

“I’m telling Mom and Mama if you don’t come home with me.”

Bella couldn’t think fast enough to talk her way out of this. She pushed him into Ali’s car and said, “Fine. But you need to wait here while I tell Adam I’m leaving.”

Jamie didn’t like her terms, but he wanted her to agree to leave with him. He nodded that he would wait.

Bella and Adam shared a kiss that lasted a lot longer than Jamie was comfortable with watching, but she kept her word and left with him. Jamie drove home in complete silence. The two had never been so angry with each other.

When they returned home, they found their parents waiting for them.

Bella broke her silence toward her brother when she whispered, “Let me do the talking.”

Ali was the first to speak, “Before you say a word, do you know how many laws you’ve broken tonight?”

Jamie’s head dropped.

Ashlyn added, “We called your brother to make sure you weren’t dead in a hospital.” They had called Sam to see if he had heard of any irresponsible teenagers who had stolen a car and went missing.

“Sorry, Mama.” Jamie quietly apologized.

Bella wanted to tell him to stay quiet, but there were too may disapproving eyes focused on her.

“We were hungry. We got something to eat.” Bella explained. She tried to sound casual, as if it was no big deal.

Ali ignored her and asked, “Jamie, is that true?”

Jamie was the one in the family that struggled to keep a secret. However, he was also very loyal to his twin sister. Ali didn’t expect him to confess in a way that would incriminate his sister, but she did expect him to give away that they were lying.

“She got something to eat. I didn’t.” Jamie answered. He was telling the truth. Bella had eaten while at the diner.

Ashlyn chimed in. “Was there anyone else with you?”

Jamie looked toward his sister and stayed quiet.

Bella answered for him, “We met a friend.”

“Who?” Ali asked.

Jamie was ready to cry. His anxiety was causing his head to spin. Ali noticed his breathing change. She spoke up, “Jamie, you can go to your room. We’ll finish talking to Bella about this.”

The boy covered his face, feeling ashamed and overwhelmed. Ashlyn enveloped him in a hug and told Ali she would be leaving with him.

Once they had left, Ali was able to get down to business.

“What has your brother all worked up?” Ali asked. “You better not lie to me, Isabella Michelle. Like I said, you two broke a couple of laws tonight. Don’t make me get the police involved.”

Ali had no intention of reporting her children, but she knew the threat would be enough.

“I snuck out to meet a guy. Jamie followed me because he was worried.” Bella answered.

“Who is this guy?” Ali asked.

Her daughter ended up coming clean. She fell apart in her mother’s arms while she told her about how the older boy had expressed interest in her. At first he made her feel special. He told her that she was really mature for her age and more beautiful than the other girls in her school. She felt really good about it, until he started pressuring her to have sex with him. She said that he made fun of her for wanting to take things slow, and told her that she as acting like a baby and that he would spread rumors about her if she didn’t do it.

That night she was going to give in to his demands.

Jamie’s actions saved her.

...

Both twins were extremely athletic, which didn’t surprise anyone. They played many sports growing up, but the one they loved the most was track and field because they could travel and participate together. It was the only sport, once they had outgrown co-ed soccer, where they could still be teammates.

The family was at a regional tournament cheering for their favorite 16 year olds. Both were very talented and had a chance to advance. Bella and Jamie were in separate events that were taking place at the same time. The family split up to make sure that each child had family cheering for them.

Bella was at the track ready to start a race. She was a sprinter and held the women’s record for her school. She was expected to win her heat easily. Jamie was about to perform the high jump. He had made a couple of great jumps earlier, and needed one more good jump to win the whole thing.

On his last jump he felt a pain in his knee and ended up shorting the jump and knocking over the bar. He rubbed the side of his leg and tried again. Jumpers are given three chances to clear a jump. On the second jump he made it over without any problems.

“You okay?” Ali asked. “It looked like you hurt yourself.”

Jamie answered, “I think I’m okay. My knee popped, or something. At least that’s what it felt like, anyway. But now it feels fine.”

“Hmm...” Ali hummed. She always worried about her children, but now wasn’t a time to worry. Jamie had just won the regional championship for high jumping.

When the rest of the family left to join Bella’s group, they stopped short of the stands. Bella was down on the track, crying in pain. Ashlyn was at her side, trying to console her. Jamie ran to her and helped his mother carry her off to the side.

When asked what had happened, Bella answered, “Something popped.”

“She was in a full sprint.” Ash added. She had a feeling she knew what it was. Both her and Ali had experienced the same thing themselves.

It would later be revealed that at the same time Jamie felt a pop in his knee, Bella tore her ACL. It was one of many strange occurrences that couldn’t be explained except by what Ashlyn described as their “weird twin connection.”

...

Bella dramatically sighed as she fell on the couch next to her brother. “I’m bored.”

Jamie was working hard on his math homework.

“I am both bored and the opposite of bored.” Jamie replied.

His sister leaned against her brother and said, “That’s impossible.”

“If it’s impossible then why is it happening?”

Bella groaned, “Hurry up, I wanna go do something.”

“Then go do something.” Her brother replied.

“I don’t wanna do something alone.”

Jamie tried to tune out his sister, who was always better at school stuff than he was, but she was making it difficult. He tried hard to focus on the math problem he was working on, but Bella’s presence was hard to ignore.

“Look...” Jamie said. “If you want me to go with you, then you know what has to be done.”

Bella huffed and agree. “Fine.” She took his book and homework from him and started to write out the answers.

“Make sure you write like me.” Jamie added.

She rolled her eye and sarcastically replied, “I know, Jame. I’ve only done your homework for you about a million times.”

“I’m glad at least one of us is good at math.” Jamie replied.

Bella nodded along. Her brother’s brain understood math about as well as an unknown language.

“Blame it on Mom.” Bella said. “She’s worse than you.”

The twins, and their siblings, had learned that Ali was not the parent to go to for help on their math homework.

“Why does math have to include letters and angles and stuff?” Jamie asked. “It doesn’t make any sense!”

“It makes sense.” Bella replied between answers. She worked fast, but it was accurate and really did look like Jamie’s messy work. She had perfected his handwriting years ago.

“It has theories.” Jamie argued.

“Theorems.” Bella corrected.

Jamie threw his hands up and said, “Whatever!” He stood to his feet and asked, “You want anything?”

That was always their deal. If Bella was doing Jamie’s homework, which she did more times than anyone would ever know, then Jamie would offer his assistance in some other way. It usually involved food, or a household chore.

“Hmm...” Bella paused and thought about what she should request. She assessed the amount of time that her brother’s homework was going to require to finish and decided that something small would cover the amount of effort needed. “A glass of water now and a late night snack later.”

“You got it.” Jamie replied.

In addition to the water, he had agreed to bring her a snack at any time during the night. They had done this before. If she got hungry at night, she would send him a text message from her room and he would get it. One time she sent him out in the middle of the night to get her ice cream. Only, they didn’t have what she wanted at their house, so he found a gas station a few miles away that was open all night, and brought it home for her....all while she stayed warm and cozy in her bed.

“All done.” Bella declared just as Jamie brought her water.

Jamie looked it over and said, “Thanks! You’re fast.”

“Alright, let’s go.” She replied. She pulled her brother toward the door.

“Where are we going?” He asked, as she yanked on his arm.

“There’s a party someone’s throwing.”

“Who?”

Bella answered, “I don’t know.”

“Then why are we going?”

“Because I’m bored.”

Jamie’s twin exhausted him. “I’m not in the mood to go to a party.”

“You’re never in the mood to have fun!” She said, in a patronizing tone.

He answered, “No. I’m not in the mood to go to a party. I don’t wanna have to talk to people. It wears me out.”

“You’re such a boring loser. We’re going.”

And just like that, Jamie ended up following along with whatever his sister had in mind.

After being there for an hour, Bella found her brother in one of the rooms of the house. Most seniors in high school would use an upstairs bedroom to put the moves on another student. Jamie used it to take a nap.

“You’re brother is odd.” Bella heard the boy she had been flirting with all night say.

They stood in the doorway and watched him sleep.

Bella laughed and said, “He hates parties.”

“Then why did he come?”

“Because he always does whatever I tell him to do.” Bella answered with a small grin on her face.

The boy she had a crush on replied, “Well, next time tell him to take a nap before he comes.”

She laughed and then felt she needed to defend her brother. “He needs to sleep a lot. He has a crazy high metabolism. That’s why he eats so much too.”

“I don’t think I saw him talk to anyone while he was here.”

Bella felt a little guilty when she said, “He hates this kind of thing. If it’s not about sports, or with people he knows, then he’s not interested.” She shook her head and said, “I think I’m just gonna take him home.”

Jamie’s willingness to go with Bella and her desire to bring him with her, along with Bella cutting her evening short after realizing that her brother wasn’t having any fun, was a perfect example of how their relationship worked.

They adored each other. Bella kept Jamie’s life interesting and he kept her grounded. She brought joy to his life when he struggled emotionally. He loyally stood by her side when she made rash decisions and got herself into tough spots.They faced everything together.

Neither of them were happy without the other.

It was all part of the “weird twin connection.”


	273. Small World

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. This is a FLASHBACK chapter that takes place before the twins are born. 
> 
> 2\. This is a prompt request. (Thank you, my friend!)

“Hey...” Little Samuel said as he pulled on the pant leg of a strange man at an airport gift shop. His mother was close by, but she was perusing a magazine and wasn’t paying attention to her 5 year old son.

The man smiled at the boy and replied, “Hey.”

“My Mommy’s having two babies.” Sam shared. “We’re visiting my Gramma before she can’t fly.”

 Ashlyn had explained to him that there would be a time when Ali was close to giving birth that she wouldn’t be allowed to fly. Samuel assumed it was because she would be too heavy for the plane to get off the ground. He imagined that with two babies inside of her, she would be at least three times bigger than she normally was. His imagination got away from him when he wondered if his new siblings would soon take up a seat apiece on the airplane when his Mommy tried to travel in the future.

“Mama said that no matter what we should tell Mommy she looks pretty.” Sam added. He had asked if Ali was going to get fat, and Ashlyn made sure he knew never to call her, or anyone else, that. 

The man looked to be about Samuel’s grandfather’s age, which might explain why the boy seemed so comfortable with him, but the truth was that Sam got along with just about everyone he ever met.

“Mommy says Gramma has a fun surprise for me.” Sam explained. 

The man smiled and searched the small store for the woman that must belong to the talkative boy. He watched Ali close a magazine, put it back on the rack, and he saw the moment she realized she had forgotten about her little shopping companion. A panic filled her face as her eyes darted from one side of the store to the other. He held up his hand to get her attention and then pointed down toward Sam. The two adults shared a smile before Ali made her way to her son.

“Gramma gives good presents. I hope it’s a new toy.” Sam said. His eyes grew big with excitement when he added, “Maybe it’s a new video game. Jakey sometimes lets me play with him.” 

Sam had kept a hold of the fabric of the stranger’s pant leg for the entire conversation. When Ali joined her son and his new friend, she knelt down beside the 5 year old and placed her hand over his and removed the fabric from his grip. He hadn’t realized that she was there until he felt her touch. When he saw her, his face lit up.

“Mommy, Gramma has a fun surprise for me.” Samuel announced. It was all he thought about since his parents had told him about it a couple of days prior to their trip to Florida. 

“Grandma has a special surprise for all of us.” Ali corrected. “Your brother and sister too.”

Sam sighed dramatically. It was something he learned to do from his big sister. “I know Mommy.” He said with an eye roll. “You told me that already.”

Ali kissed his cheek and stood to greet the man that had been so patient with her wild son. “Thank you for taking care of him.” 

She offered her hand to him and after a polite hand shake she led Samuel by the hand to pick out snacks for their trip. She made sure to keep a hold of him for the rest of their shopping experience.

...

The Krieger-Harris clan took up 2 rows of seats on the plane. Ashlyn talked her wife into letting the kids sit in the row in front of them so that they could sit next to each other. Ash and Ali cuddled the whole trip. Thankfully, Jake was old enough, and mature enough, to handle his younger siblings for the short flight.

Once they had arrived at Ali’s mother’s house, Ali asked her wife to follow her to the guest room. 

“Baby, can you rub my back?” The pregnant woman asked. 

Ashlyn told Ali to sit on the bed, and listened to Ali’s instructions on where to massage. 

Ali groaned, “Everything wears me out so fast...and my back is killing me.” 

Ash was used to Ali’s complaining. She never questioned it. Ali was pregnant with twins. She deserved to grumble about whatever she wanted. 

Ali leaned back on the bed until she was lying down. Ashlyn had adjusted her position to catch her wife’s head in her lap. The blonde played with Ali’s hair until she fell asleep. The pregnant woman needed all the rest she could get before the next morning.

...

Ali woke up with Samuel’s butt in her stomach. She slowly opened her eyes and found that her wife was already out of bed and that their youngest son had joined them sometime during the night. Ali felt pressure from Sam’s backside and wondered if her not-yet-born babies could feel her current 5 year old baby’s presence. She rubbed his back in an attempt to gently wake him up. 

The boy began to stretch and respond to his mother’s touch. He rolled over so that he could get a hug from Ali. She gladly held him close to her. She was in no rush to leave that spot.  It took a few minutes for Samuel to wake up enough to remember what was happening that day. When he did remember, Ali knew that whatever chance she had to rest a little longer was long gone.

“Mommy...” Sam whispered. “Gramma has a fun surprise for me.” 

Ali’s face showed a tired smile. She wasn’t going to correct him this time. Her boy was too excited. “Yes, baby. Grandma has a fun surprise for you.”

“For today?” Sam asked. He wanted to make sure that he remembered correctly.

“Yes, sweetheart. The fun surprise is for today.” Ali answered. She rubbed her belly and asked, “Will you please get Mama and tell her I need her help to get ready for the fun surprise?” 

Samuel sat up, saluted his mother, and ran out of the room yelling, “Mama, Mommy needs you!”

It wasn’t Ashlyn who answered the call, it was Jacob. Jake knocked lightly on the door before entering. He cautiously poked his head through the slightly opened door and asked, “Can I come in?”

Ali smiled at her oldest child and welcomed him in. 

“Mama said you need help with something.” He said. 

Ali sat up and replied, “I wanted to ask your mother to help get the little ones ready.”

“Lex is ready and eating breakfast.” Jake answered. “Mama is making Sam take a bath.”

Ali smiled. Her wife already knew what needed to happen and she did it without being asked. Ali reached her hand out to her favorite teenager and let him pull her up. 

“I’m gonna shower and change. Please tell her thank you and that I’m gonna give her a big kiss the first moment I see her.” 

Jacob made a gagging noise in response to Ali’s comment. His parents were way too affectionate for his liking. However, deep down he loved it, because it meant that they loved and appreciated each other, but when it happened so often in front of him...it grossed him out.

...

“Mommy, I’m so excited!” Lexi exclaimed. 

It was on the way to the secret destination that Ali’s mother informed the children of what the big surprise was. 

Lexi continued, “Do you think I can meet all the princesses?” 

The family was on their way to Disney World. 

“I don’t know, Sweetheart. It’s very hard to get so many princesses in the same place at the same time. Remember they have to rule their kingdoms. But I promise, we’re gonna try to see all the ones that are there today.” Ali replied. 

Sam was seated in his car seat in the back of a rental van. His grandmother sat next to him. He leaned toward her and said, “Merida and Mulan are my favorite princesses.”

Ashlyn overheard her son and found his cute face in the reflection in the rearview mirror.

Ali’s mother asked, “Who’s Merida?” 

“She’s brave and shoots arrows at bad guys.” Sam explained. 

Ash smiled and Deb nodded. It made sense now. Samuel had a type....Warrior Princess.

“Mama...” Jake said, interrupting Ashlyn’s eavesdropping. 

She shifted her attention to her oldest son and asked, “What’s up, Jake?”

“Are you gonna ride the big rides with me? I don’t want to have to go alone.” Jacob asked. 

Ali answered for her wife, “I don’t want her to go on anything that is going to be too stressful.”

Ash made a dissatisfied face at her wife and answered for herself, “I’ll be your riding buddy. No worries.”

Ali lowered her voice, in an attempt to keep everyone but her wife from hearing, and said, “Ashlyn, I don’t want you to have anxiety. Those rides can be overwhelming.”

“Alex...” Ash whispered. “I am not going to make our 16 year old son follow Lex and Sam around all day. You’re pregnant. You’re not going on those rides...Besides, I’ve been on roller coasters before. It’s no big deal.” Ashlyn said. She winked at her wife and added, “Relax, woman.”

...

The princess count was up to 3 when Ali noticed her son, who struggled with attention deficit, wiggling in line next to her. He held on to Ali’s hand, but his mind was far from her and his body was starting to show signs of boredom.

He had already been very patient that day. His sister insisted that they stand in line and wait to get pictures with all the princesses they could find. Samuel and Jacob both deserved the “best brother ever” award for their sacrifice to make their sister happy. 

Ali tapped Ash’s shoulder and said, “Baby, why don’t you take the boys. My Mom and I can wait with Lex.” Ali nodded toward Samuel, who was completely oblivious to the world around him, and added, “I think he needs to get some pent up energy out.”

Ashlyn nodded in agreement and knelt down next to their daughter. She handed Lexi a notebook that she brought to get autographs from all the characters and said, “I’m gonna take your brothers to look around, but I wanted to tell you that you’re my favorite princess of all.” 

Ashlyn kissed Lexi’s cheek and found herself getting a little more emotional from the exchange than she had intended. Her little girl was growing up and soon wouldn’t have time for Disney Princesses and spending the day with her parents.

Ali still held onto Sam’s 5 year old hand, but with her free hand she began to unconsciously rub her pregnancy bump as she watched her wife lovingly speak to their daughter. It wasn’t until Ashlyn had stood up, covered Ali’s hand with her own, and kissed her, that Ali realized what she had been doing. 

Ashlyn bent down and kissed Ali’s stomach before saying, “They grow up too fast. Soon it will be them...” 

Ash was referring to their unborn twins, but Sam assumed she was talking about him. His attention had returned to the real world. “Mama, I’m all grown up too.”

Ali and Ash shared a laugh before Ash picked him up and threw him over her shoulder. He giggled while Ashlyn gave her wife a kiss. Ash took two steps forward before being told by her son that she had to go back. 

“I wanna kiss Mommy, too.” He said. 

Ali took his little face in her hands and gave him a peck on his lips. “Love you, sweetheart.” 

Sam growled, meaning to sound tough, but sounding ridiculously cute. “Love you, Mommy.” He said and showed his teeth and flexed his biceps for his mother to swoon over.

“You take care of your Mama and big brother for me, okay?” Ali said with a smile. Her little boy brought her so much joy.

Sam saluted with a serious sense of responsibility to obey his mother’s orders. 

“I love that kid.” Ali’s Mom said with a smile as Ash carried him away. 

...

Ash and the boys managed to ride one ride before Sam’s bladder got the best of him. The 3 made their way to the closest bathroom. 

“Mama, all I’m saying is that that ride is creepy.” Jake said. “Can you imagine getting stuck and those robotic, miniature people singing to you in different languages for hours?” He shivered and added, “That’s what nightmares are made of. Tonight when I close my eyes I’m gonna see those little people singing, except they won’t by stuck in one spot. They’ll be chasing me and holding weapons.”

Because of Sam’s age and size, they were limited in what they could ride with him. Their first stop was one of the classic rides that was dearly loved by many. However, Ashlyn couldn’t deny Jacob’s point. It was kind of creepy.

Ashlyn laughed and promised that if he had a bad dream that night that he was welcome to join his parents in their room. She assured him that she wouldn’t let any small, singing children murder him in his sleep.

When the 3 of them arrived, Sam pulled down hard on his mother’s hand and said, “Mama, I wanna go with Jakes.”

Samuel was still at the age that his parents brought him into the women’s bathroom with them when he needed to go. Ever since Jacob took him along with him a few months ago, Sam preferred to accompany his big brother. 

Ashlyn shared a look with Jacob and answered, “Okay, but stay close to your brother.”

The group split up to use the restroom. Jacob let Sam empty his bladder first, before taking care of his own needs. It wasn’t until he washed his hands that he noticed that Samuel was no longer standing behind him.

He tried to look under the doors of the few stalls that were there. There were no 5 year old sized feet to be found. He searched the other side of the bathroom, but his brother still was out of sight. 

The more he searched the more worried he got. He panicked. “Mama’s gonna kill me.” He whispered. 

He didn’t want to face reality. His brother had left the bathroom without him. He hoped that Sam and their mother were standing outside waiting for him. 

When he exited he saw his mother standing outside, but not his little brother. 

“Where’s Sam?” Ash asked. She was about to scold him for leaving him alone inside the bathroom.

Jacob had a sick look on his face and felt like he was going to throw up. “He’s not in there. I can’t find him.” Jacob confessed. 

“Are you kidding?” Ash asked. “Is this a dumb joke?” She was getting angry thinking about her kids playing a prank on her. The park was packed with people. Samuel running around on his own would be a complete nightmare. 

“It was an accident. I turned my head for a second.” Jacob replied. 

Ashlyn’s anxiety grew and was close to overtaking her. She frantically searched the area around her. “Samuel!” She yelled. The blonde had gotten the attention of several people around her, but no one was of any help to her. 

“Why did you let go of his hand?” Ash asked in an accusing tone.

Jacob was just as worried as his mother when he answered defensively. “I’m sorry. I had to pee. I told him to stay by me.”

Ashlyn knew she was being too hard on him, but she couldn’t worry about that at the moment. 

Samuel was missing.

...

It wasn’t until Sam subconsciously reached for the hand of his mother that he realized he was no longer safe with his family. He felt the hand of a man standing next to him. The man flinched at the boy’s touch and pulled away from him. The stranger met Sam’s eyes with his own, and in that instant Sam realized that he was in trouble. 

Samuel screamed in fear, “Mama!”

Ashlyn was a couple hundred feet away and her view was blocked by the crowd of people, but there was no mistaking her little boy’s fearful voice. Jacob ran towards the voice without saying a word to his mother. Ashlyn yelled out, “Samuel! Sam, where are you?”

Sam had followed the crowd towards Pluto, one of the Disney characters roaming the park. He wasn’t kidnapped, or in any immediate danger, but he was scared. 

“Sam!” Ash yelled again, realizing that she still didn’t know where her boy was. “Sam-Bam, where are you?”

By this time, most everyone was staring at her. She used their attention, and maybe slight annoyance, to her advantage. “Anyone see a 5 year old? Brown hair. Brown eyes. Superman shirt on.”

At the time, Ash didn’t notice because she was too worried about her son, but the majority of people who helped her search were fellow mothers. The women understood far too easily how little boys can be, and how scary of a situation it was that Ashlyn found herself in. 

It wasn’t until Ashlyn saw Jacob lift Samuel up over the crowd that she broke down in tears. Her boy was safe.

The reunion between Team Awesome was an emotional one. Sam started to cry the moment his arms wrapped around Ashlyn’s neck. 

“Mama...” The boy cried, trying to contain his sniffles. “Mama...” At the moment, the boy didn’t have enough composure to put together any other words. 

“You’re okay, Sam-Bam.” Ash replied, trying to comfort him. “You’re okay.” She said again and discovered that her words were also an attempt to bring herself comfort. 

Jacob put his hand on his mother’s back and gently led them through the crowd to a cleared area where they could sit. Ashlyn found a wall to sit against. Once she was seated on the ground, propped up against a wall, she pulled Samuel into an even tighter embrace and rocked him until he calmed down. 

“Sorry, Mama.” Jacob apologized quietly. His brother was motionless. His body was exhausted. Jake was sure Samuel had been traumatized from the whole experience. 

Ashlyn tried to give a small, forced smile, but it was in vain. She was too tired to fake any sort of optimism. “It’s not your fault.” She said honestly. “I’m sorry if I made you feel that way.”

Ash didn’t want to do it, but she knew she had to.

She called Ali. 

A fresh set of tears from Samuel erupted when he saw Ali. The brunette didn’t have the opportunity to check on her wife because of Sam’s need for her attention and affection, but she knew that Ash needed a break. 

“Let’s get lunch.” Ali said. She looked to her mother for help. Ali’s Mom took over. She led the family to a fun restaurant with an arcade that would cheer up the youngest Krieger-Harris boy and give the rest of the family a chance to recover.

All through lunch, Ali had Sam in her lap and Ash held tightly to Lexi. After lunch, Grandma Krieger took the kids to play video games on the other side of the small diner. Ali moved from her chair and took Lexi’s vacated spot in her wife’s lap. 

The 2 women shared a hug before Ali said, “It could have happened to anyone.” 

“He said he wanted to see Mickey’s dog.” Ash said with a sigh. “He said he missed Monster.” Samuel’s dog Monster, was his best friend. Though they had only been apart for 2 days, he missed him very much. Pluto had reminded him that his best friend was missing out on all the fun. 

Ash continued, “He asked if we could bring Monster next time.”

Ali gushed, “My sweet boy.” 

Ali kissed Ashlyn’s temple and rested her head against Ashlyn’s. 

The women watched in comfortable silence as their children’s faces lit up in laughter while they played games together. 

Their family was almost fully recovered and would soon be back to normal...which for them meant stalking Disney characters and eating junk food.

...

By the end of the day, the entire family was worn out. Ashlyn and Jacob found a grassy area for the family to sit and wait for the fireworks. Ali and Lexi picked out some good picnic food from the nearby vendors and set it all up for the family. While they waited and ate, Ali’s Mom smiled at how easy it was for her daughter’s family to enjoy one another’s company. 

They were a tangled mix of arms and legs. All of them touching in some way. Samuel’s arm wrapped loosely around Ashlyn’s neck, Lexi’s head resting against Ali’s side, Jacob’s foot lightly tapping Sam’s leg...Love for them was so easy. Deb smiled, thinking to herself that this was what life was all about. 

The fireworks made Lexi jump and gave Sam an idea. He would later imitate the loud firecrackers by bursting into random moments and yelling “BOOM!” His parents had to lovingly explain to him why that wasn’t a good thing to do at certain times. 

Jacob took pictures all day with the camera his Uncle Kyle had gotten him for his birthday. He had an eye for beauty and had found many unnoticeable moments that would have been missed by the others if he hadn’t captured them through his lens. 

When the family left the park, they were completely worn out. 

It was an experience that they would never forget.

...

The family visited Ali’s Mom for another week before returning home. Though Ali’s Dad helped Sam video chat with his dog every day, it wasn’t the same as being together in person. When the door to the house opened, the golden retriever ran to meet the family. Samuel dropped to his knees. He stretched his arms out wide and waited for his dog to stand on his back leg, rest his front legs on Sam’s shoulders, and lick the boy’s face. Sam-Bam wrapped his arms around Monster’s body and held the dog in a hug for a long time. 

Ash and Ali watched their son have a long conversation with his dog while they stayed in that same position for several minutes. 

“It’s like Monster really understands what he’s saying.” Ash whispered. 

Ali nodded and replied, “Maybe he does.”

The women felt a bump from behind. It was their teenager. He needed to get by them. After dropping off his bags in his room, he came back to the entryway and asked, “Can I take the car?”

“Son, we just got home. Where do you possibly need to go?” Ashlyn asked.  

Ali grinned and answered for her son. “Rachel.” 

Jacob hadn’t seen his girlfriend in over a week. That was torture for the 16 year old. 

Ali threw him her keys and said, “Be home by curfew. Thank you for all of your help with your brother and sister this week.”

“Thanks.” Jake replied. He quickly kissed both of his mothers and hurried out the door without another word.

Ashlyn sighed and shook her head. She met Lexi’s judgmental stare and said, “Boys.”

Lex nodded in agreement and replied with an eye roll, “Boys are weird.”

Ashlyn laughed and said, “You got that right, Little Princess.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, true story...
> 
> My friend got stuck on the Small World ride at Disneyland and had to listen to the song for hours. Seriously...creepy.


	274. Over (Part One)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a FLASHFORWARD
> 
> This is a long over due prompt request.

Sam quietly entered his parents’ house. It was late and he would have preferred his presence to go unnoticed. Unfortunately for him, his parents were in the living room with a clear view of the front door.

Ali put her finger to her lips and said, “Shhh.” 

She nodded down toward Ashlyn’s sleeping form. Ali’s fingers gently massaged Ash’s head as she rested in her lap. Samuel knew that his mother was prone to headaches due to her medical history. He hated that she might be in pain, but he was grateful for the opportunity to not have to answer a bunch of questions about why he was there.

Samuel sat in his Mama’s favorite recliner and offered Ali a small smile. He whispered, “Can I stay here tonight?”

Ali answered without hesitation, “Of course.”

As soon as he heard Ali’s blessing, he stood from the chair and said, “I’m gonna lay down.” 

Ali watched him retreat to his old room. She wanted more information about the unexpected visit from their son, but with Ashlyn’s sleeping body using her lap as a pillow, she didn’t want to move. Ash had had a hard day. Ali wanted to ensure that her rest wasn’t disturbed. 

Ashlyn was caught off guard the next morning when she found her wife and son having breakfast .

“When did you get here?” Ashlyn asked. She scratched her head, causing her messy hair to stick up even more than it already was.

Ali crossed the space between them and put an arm around Ash’s waist. She placed a soft kiss on her jaw and said, “He stayed the night. You were asleep when he got here.”

Ashlyn continued to rub her head, which caused Ali some concern.

“Baby, you feeling okay?” Ali asked quietly. She knew Ash wouldn’t want to make her headache seem like a big deal in front of Samuel. 

Ashlyn nodded and answered, “Just a little fuzzy.”

“I’ve got some coffee for you.” Ali offered.

The couple had a very special relationship with coffee. Ashlyn would sometimes joke that it was the third member of their marriage. 

Ashlyn sat clumsily down at the table. Seated next to Sam, she stared at him for an awkward amount of time. She narrowed her eyes as she tried to figure him out.

Samuel shared a look with Ali and shrugged his shoulders in confusion. 

“You okay, Ma?” He asked. 

Sam had been away for the last few days. He tagged along with his girlfriend on a business trip. He usually worked with Ashlyn on a daily basis. Since they hadn’t seen each other in a few days, he wondered if he had missed something while he was gone.

Ash didn’t purposely ignore his question. She was still trying to figure out what was going on. She took her favorite mug filled with coffee from her wife. After a few sips, she said, “Why are you here?”

Ali was about to answer for her son when she realized that she had no idea why he was there. They hadn’t gotten far enough in their conversation the night before for her to ask. 

“No reason.” Samuel answered. 

His answer set off Ali’s super-mom senses. “Sweetheart, what’s wrong?” Ali asked in worry.

Ashlyn stared him down from where she sat and Ali’s gentle eyes refused to leave his. 

“Umm....” Sam hesitated. He really didn’t want to say. He looked from Ali to Ashlyn and saw that there was no way out. “Kenze and I sorta got into a fight...” His head dropped and he added with a mumble, “...I guess.”

Ashlyn was starting to find her thoughts a little clearer. After another sip of coffee she asked, “What does that mean?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Sam answered. He practically stared a hole into the strips of bacon Ali had made him for breakfast. He fixed his eyes on his breakfast plate, seeking to avoid any further eye contact from his parents.

Ash set her cup down and said, “So...you slept here last night.” Ashlyn tried to put the details together as if it was some sort of complicated math problem. “You got into a fight and came here to sleep?”

Sam nodded with his eyes still stuck on his plate. 

“You’re welcome here anytime.” Ali added sweetly to the conversation. If her children ever needed it, she wanted them to know that the home they grew up in would always be a safe place for them to come to.

Sam grabbed for a piece of bacon, but was met with Ashlyn’s hand.

“Hold on, son.” Ash said. Team Awesome met each other’s gaze when she said, “You got into a fight and left her?”

“Ash...” Ali whispered, as if Samuel wasn’t there and able to hear her. “Let him be.”

Ashlyn shook her head slightly, still feeling a dull pain from the the headache she had the night before and said, “You can’t stay here.”

With Sam there, Ali tried to contain her emotions when she said sternly, “Ashlyn, let him be.”

Ash continued her thought without regard for what her wife had said, “You can’t just leave her whenever things get tough.”

“I’m not.” Sam said, feeling his face fill with heat. He felt embarrassed and ashamed.

Ali pinched Ashlyn’s side and whispered in anger, “Stop it!” 

Ash ignored her. “You love this girl, don’t you?”

Sam shrugged and said, “Yeah.” All he wanted was for the conversation to be over.

“You can’t leave her whenever you feel like it. You need to show her that you’ll stick around even during the hard stuff.” Ashlyn said. Her words only made Ali more angry. 

Sam noticed the tension he had caused his parents. “Sorry to bother you.” He said and stood to his feet. “I’m gonna go.” 

Ali elbowed Ashlyn as she followed Samuel to the door. “Sammy, you are welcome to stay here.”

He stole a quick look at Ashlyn and said under his breath, “Doesn’t feel like it.”

“You should stay...” Ali said and then added, “...she can leave if she doesn’t like it.”

“It’s fine.” Sam replied. He kissed Ali’s cheek and left.

Ali took a deep breath, hoping to quench the fire that had started within her. The time she took to calm down had had a reverse effect. It made her think more about what her wife had done and how she made their son feel. She was furious. 

She turned to face Ashlyn, ready for a fight.

“You are such a hypocrite!” Ali yelled. “How many times have I watched you leave because you couldn’t stick around during the hard stuff?” Ali asked rhetorically, mocking her wife’s words she had spoken to Sam. She heard their son’s truck pull out of their driveway, which incited more anger from the fiery brunette.

“Yes...exactly.” Ash replied calmly. 

“Exactly what?” Ali asked. She thought her wife would respond in anger. She was expecting a fight. Instead she was meant with an even-tempered response.

“Exactly what you just said.” Ash replied. “How many times have you watched me leave?”

“Our son needed our help!” Ali replied, ignoring Ashlyn’s question. 

“And that’s what I gave him.” Ash said. 

Ali argued, “No, you kicked him out of our house.”

“Alex, he says he loves this girl. Do you really believe that we should help him avoid her when they get into fights? I’m trying to help him learn from my mistakes. Think about what I put you through all the times that I left you.”

Ali wasn’t accepting Ashlyn’s logic. She pointed her finger at her and said, “You better go find him and bring him back, or don’t bother coming home.”

Ashlyn sighed in exhaustion. Her wife was being impossible. She knew that it wouldn’t take long for her to calm down, but she wasn’t going to be able to stick around until she did. 

“Fine.” Ash replied. She gave in to Ali’s wishes and left the house searching for their son.

...

Samuel wasn’t hard to find. He was at the first place Ashlyn checked. 

Ash opened her office door and found Samuel sleeping on the couch. He had taken many naps in that very same spot. She sat at her desk and waited for him to wake up.

...

“Alexandra Elizabeth, what is going on with your brother?” Ali asked. 

Lexi had received a phone call from her mother a few minutes after Ashlyn had left to find Sam. If anyone knew where he was and what was wrong, it would be Lex.

Lexi was still in bed when her mother called. She was usually up earlier, but her wife had been working on a big project for the last week and she had finally finished it the night before. After working countless hours and getting very little sleep, Charlie had decided to take a day off. She told Lexi that she always slept better when they shared a bed. Lex thought it was sweet. Whenever possible, she tried to be home on days when her wife needed to rest and catch up on sleep. 

“Mom, I can’t talk now. Charlotte is sleeping.” Lexi answered. Usually she would be happy to gossip with her mother about her little brother, but with her wife’s face pressed into her neck, she thought it would be better to talk later.

“Lex, your brother is upset...Your Mama is upset...I’m upset.” Ali replied. She was growing impatient. “If you know what’s going on, you need to tell me.”

Lexi rolled her eyes and moved her head to place a kiss on her wife’s forehead. “Hold on...” Lexi said, sounding irritated. 

She gently moved Charlie off of her and walked into the hallway to talk to her mother. 

“Mom, what?” Lexi asked in frustration. 

Ali replied, “Do you know what happened between Sam and Mackenzie?”

Lexi answered her overly curious mother, “Yeah. Kenzie called me the day it happened.”

...

Samuel rubbed his eyes and sat up. The first thing he heard was Ashlyn’s voice from where she sat across the room.

“Hello, son.”

Sam cleared his throat and said, “Hello, Ma.” 

He tried to stretch out his bad leg, that after three surgeries was finally starting to get back to normal. It was stiff and a little sore, but he had nearly full range of motion and was almost finished with his post-op physical therapy.

Sam asked, “How’d you find me?”

Ashlyn smiled at her son. Did he really not know how well she knew him? 

“Bam, where else would you go?” Ash asked. “I suppose you could go to Lexi’s apartment, but Charlie’s home today, so I figured you wouldn’t want to interrupt their time together.”

Samuel nodded along, confirming everything that Ashlyn had just said. 

“Your mother kicked me out of the house.” Ash said. “She said if I don’t bring you back then I shouldn’t bother coming back at all.”

Sam let out a tired laughed. “Did she really say that?” 

It was an over dramatic response...it sounded just like something his mother would say. He was just as confident as Ashlyn that Ali would cool down and take back what she said.

“She said I was a hypocrite.” 

Samuel raised one eyebrow and asked, “Why?”

Ash explained, “Because I used to leave when things got hard.” She sounded as if it was the greatest regret of her life. “It was really hard on your Mom. It made her feel like I would leave her one day if the fight was big enough...I hate that I put her through that. I had my own issues that I needed to deal with and I wish I would have figured it out when I was younger.”

Sam replied, “I get it.”

“So, what caused this? I can’t even imagine you two fighting.” 

Samuel had found a kindred spirit in Mackenzie. They both were kind, selfless, and thoughtful. They usually didn’t care enough about the details of life to get into an argument. The only time Ali and Ash had seen them argue was when Kenzie would scold Samuel for not taking care of himself. Ashlyn could not think of anything beyond a misunderstanding that could cause them to fight.

Sam looked noticeably uncomfortable all of a sudden. 

“You don’t have to tell me.” Ashlyn said, wanting to make it easier for him. 

Sam answered, “It’s okay. I don’t mind.” He cleared his throat and said, “She left me.”

Ashlyn’s eyes widened in surprise. She was not expecting that. “What do you mean? No wonder you don’t want to be around her. I’m so sorry, Bam. I should never have butted into your business.”

Samuel felt bad. “It’s not like it sounds.” He said. “In Colorado...she left me. She’s been trying to get a hold of me ever since. I’ve been ignoring her.”

“So...she didn’t break up with you?” Ash asked. 

Sam shrugged and said, “No...I don’t think so.”

“What happened?”

“I was late to the airport. She met one of her Dad’s clients there. She was supposed to meet him and escort him back here to meet with her Dad. I overslept.” Sam said. He added, “I know it’s my fault...and I know she waited until the last possible second to leave, but I thought I was more important to her than a stupid business trip. It hurt to find out that I wasn’t.” 

“Did she know you were running late?” Ash asked. She was trying to figure out how Mackenzie, who was the kindest and most patient person she had ever met, would leave her son in another state. 

“Yeah.” Sam answered. “She warned me not to be late, but I was...She said that her Dad trusted her to take care of his business matters and I needed to work around his schedule.” 

Ashlyn had to be honest. “Bam, I think I see where she’s coming from. You were invited to go on the trip...on her Dad’s plane, with her. The business side of things was the priority.”

“She means more to me than business.” Sam replied in his defense. “I wish I could say that she felt the same way about me.”

“Sam-Bam, you’re a grown man. You obviously found a way to get home.”

Sam shook his head and said, “You don’t understand.”

“Help me understand.”

“It’s just...” Sam paused. He shook his head hard and changed his mind about what he was going to say. “Never mind.”

Ashlyn sat back in her chair and examined her son before replying. There was more going on than the one incident in Denver. “Sam-Bam, what’s really bothering you?”

Her boy leaned downward and put his hands over his face. He didn’t want to say. He didn’t want to admit that he had interpreted recent events as a sign. A huge warning to slow down...stop...and maybe even change directions.

Ashlyn heard his muffled voice speak through his hands, “I spent most of our time apart in Colorado looking for the perfect place to propose. Everything about the trip for me...was about her...about choosing her...about making her happy...I guess after she left, I felt like maybe I was wrong.”

“Bad timing.” Ash said. 

Samuel dug into the pocket of his jeans and pulled out a small leather pouch. He tossed it to his mother. Ashlyn easily caught it and loosened the drawstring that kept the bag closed. She found a ring inside.

“I was waiting until I could propose on a mountain. We love adventures. I’ve been too injured to do much until now. I found a waterfall that we could hike to. I was planning to bring Bailey with us. She was gonna help me propose.” Sam explained. “My knee is almost ready, but maybe the rest of me isn’t ready anymore.”

Ashlyn thought Sam’s plan of including his dog was cute, but his change of heart about the whole thing made her want to cry.

“Sam, you need to talk to her. It’s good for you to have to deal with a big fight before you propose. You want to make sure you’re ready for when harder times come. This is the time to find out what you two are really made of.”

Sam hung his head in pure emotional exhaustion and laid back down on his mother’s couch. 

...

Ashlyn found her wife pulling old wrinkled receipts from a pair of her jeans. There was a small collection of them piled up on the top of the dryer. 

“Sorry.” Ash said from behind Ali, making her wife jump.

Ashlyn gently placed her hand on Ali’s arm and said, “Sorry...again...for scaring you.”

Ali let the pair of pants fall from her hands and stayed quiet.

Ash continued, “Sorry for the receipts too...I know you hate that.”

A hint of a smile found Ali’s lips. “I’m used to it by now.” She said. 

Ali turned around and faced her wife and added, “I’m the one who’s sorry, Ashlyn. Lexi told me what happened. I talked to Mackenzie, and I think you were right. I should have told him to go home and work things out with her.”

Ash replied with a sigh, “As much as I love to gloat the few times you say I am right, I’m not sure it’s so simple.”

“They love each other. It was a stupid fight.” Ali explained. “Mackenzie was on a business trip and left him because she was worried about how it would make her father look if they were late. She has tried to call him since the moment it happened. He’s been ignoring her.”

“Alex...” Ash interrupted. She needed her wife to let her speak. “It’s more complicated that that.”

Ali asked, “Is that not what happened? Both Lex and Kenzie told me that’s what happened.”

Ashlyn was about to explain what she meant when both women heard their front door open and close. There was a time when an unexpected visitor in their home would alarm them, but with their grown up children regularly stopping by without notice these days they were more curious than startled.

Ash answered her wife’s question before Ali could ask it.

“That’s probably Sam.”

Ali led the way to greet their son. Samuel waved nonchalantly and said, “Hey.” 

He didn’t wait for either of his mothers to reply. Instead he headed straight for his room. Ali tried to stop him, but Ashlyn delayed the brunette’s attempt.

“You said I couldn’t come home without him.” Ashlyn smiled. 

Ali didn’t look as charmed by the statement as her wife thought she should be. Ash had thought up the line ever since she and Sam had left the gym to go home. She thought that she would at least get a laugh from Ali. She was hoping for a kiss, but any kind of response would have been nice.

Ali seemed distracted. She put one finger in the air and said, more to herself than to her wife, “I needed to tell him something.”

“He’s probably just going to lay down. I think he’s worn out with all of the drama.” Ash answered.

Ali replied, “But I needed to tell him something...”

...

Sam opened the door to his old room. All he wanted was to take a nap. His head hurt. His heart hurt even more. He didn’t know what he was supposed to do. It was a stupid fight, but the timing seemed too perfect to be coincidental. He was planning his proposal the day his girlfriend left him alone in Colorado. 

Maybe he was being too sensitive. He wondered if there was something wrong with him. Mackenzie was the best woman he had ever met. She was kind, smart, beautiful, and seemed to care a lot about him. She always did sweet things to make him feel loved and to let him know she was thinking about him even when he wasn’t around. 

Sam couldn’t help but think he was either stupid for being upset, or worse...he was stupid for believing that someone like her could ever be happy with a guy like him.

All of his confusing, angry, affectionate, and exhausted thoughts swirled together to form a fuzzy ball of emotion when he saw her.

“I was tired.” Mackenzie explained. She was lying in Sam’s bed, still unmade from the night before. She had wrapped herself up in one of his hoodies and fell asleep trying to remember what it felt like to fall asleep next to him.

Kenzie continued, “I had a cup of tea with your Mom and she noticed me yawn a few times. She said it was okay for me to lay down.” Mackenzie sat up, still holding Sam’s sweat shirt close to her. “I’m sorry, Sammy...” 

Mackenzie wanted to say more, but her words were cut off by a quiet sob.

Sam stood at the door with his feet planted on the floor. He felt a different kind of ache than what he had been feeling since the fight started. He hadn’t really considered what his girlfriend had gone through while he was ignoring her. 

With Mackenzie just a few feet away from him, he could see her eyes were red and swollen from the days she had spent crying. Sam was never good at describing how he felt. Lexi told him she thought he had a hard time putting words to his emotions because he was so passionate. She also said it was because he was a dumb boy. Sam wasn’t sure what the real reason was, but he suddenly wished he knew how to put together whatever words were needed to make Kenzie stop crying.

...

“Hey, look who’s up.” Lexi joked as her wife almost stumbled into the kitchen. 

After Lex had spoken with her mother, she stayed up to do some much needed cleaning around their apartment.

“Hey.” Charlie said through a yawn. 

Lexi gave her a gentle kiss on the cheek and asked, “You hungry?”

“Starving.” Charlie answered. 

“I can make you something.” Lex offered.

Charlie rubbed her eyes and focused them on her energetic wife. “How about some coffee?” 

“You need more than that, Babe.” Lex replied. She started to name off food options. “We’ve got gluten-free mac and cheese, I can make you a sandwich, we have stuff for breakfast...”

Charlie interrupted her and said, “I’m taking you out.”

Lex spun around and asked, “Is that right?”

“Yeah...but first I need some coffee.”

After two cups of coffee, the women got ready for an unplanned date night. Lexi assumed that her wife would want to stay in and relax, but she was pleasantly surprised to find out that Charlie preferred to spoil her instead of be lazy all day.

“Thanks for this.” Lex said, after Charlie pulled out her chair from the table where they were seated. 

She gently pushed the seat forward and sat down across from her. “My pleasure.” Charlie said with a sweet smile. 

“You always take good care of me.” Lex said. She glanced down and smiled. She reached across the table and patted it’s surface to signal to her wife that she wanted her to hold her hand.

“You’re getting emotional.” Charlie said, after taking her wife’s hand. 

Lexi felt her eyes well up and said, “I can’t help it.”

“I don’t mind.” Charlie replied. “You’re the most beautiful person I know...and you’re gonna be a beautiful mother, too.”

...

“Lexi told me not worry. She said you needed space, but that we would be okay after you cooled off.” Mackenzie explained. She held Sam’s shirt tight against her chest and continued, “But I can feel you pulling away from me. I think you might be changing your mind about us.”

Sam hadn’t spoken since seeing her. Mackenzie knew that he sometimes had trouble sharing his heart...especially when he was feeling hurt....but she really needed him to say something.

“Sammy, please....talk to me.” She begged. 

Sam cleared his throat. He nervously rubbed the back of his neck before clearing his throat again.

His girlfriend couldn’t wait any longer. She decided to help him get started. 

“Are you mad?” She asked. 

Sam looked down. He didn’t want to look at Mackenzie’s face when he answered. “Yeah...a little.”

Mackenzie moved toward the edge of the bed, wanting to get closer to him. “Do you hate me?”

Sam softly answered, “No.”

“I wouldn’t blame you if you did.”

Samuel shrugged his shoulders, raised his head to look her in the eyes and said, “I could never hate you.”

“I made a mistake.” Mackenzie stammered. “I...I was worried about my Dad and his business...I made a mistake.” 

Sam uncomfortably fidgeted where he stood. With all of the things he was working through, he was starting to realize that maybe he still wasn’t ready to talk. Maybe it was a little more complicated than simply forgiving the woman he loved for hurting him.

Kenzie wasn’t the type to hold back when her heart told her to go forward. She stood to her feet and closed the distance between them. She wasn’t going to force Sam to talk, but she couldn’t stay away and watch him struggle.

Samuel’s arms were hanging limply at his sides, but that didn’t stop her from putting her arms around his waist and stepping in close to him. 

She rested her head on his strong chest and whispered, “I’m sorry.”

The feel of her body against his made it impossible for Sam to stay disconnected. It took a few moments, moments that felt awkward and cold, but he eventually put his arms around her and held her protectively.

“I forgive you.” He replied. 

“I promise I will wait for you.” Mackenzie said. 

What she meant by her words was different than what Sam heard. She was referring to the situation in Colorado. She left instead of waiting for him. She meant that if his bad habit of being late ever put her in the same position again, she would choose to wait for him. She would always choose him over everything else. 

That’s what she meant.

What Samuel heard was that she would wait for him to make a decision about their future together.

“Thanks.” Sam replied. “I think I just need some time.”


	275. Over (Part Two)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a FLASHFORWARD chapter.

“You look pale.” Ali said, she cupped her wife’s face in her hands. “Have you eaten anything today?” Ali had met her wife for lunch and was convinced that Ash was malnourished. 

Ashlyn scoffed, “Babe, we had breakfast together...and I’m pale because of the DC weather. You expect me to have a tan in a place where there’s no sun?”

Ali gave Ashlyn’s smirky face a playful slap and said, “I’m serious, Ash. Don’t joke around.”

“Alex, I’m fine.”

Ali wasn’t convinced. She had a plan, but didn’t think that the time to reveal it was in the middle of a parking lot. “I just worry about you.” Ali said. She tugged on Ashlyn’s arm and pulled her toward their car. She needed to make sure her wife took a break from work and ate a healthy meal.

At lunch Ali said, “I think you should schedule an appointment with one of your staff nutritionists.” She pointed a breadstick at her wife and added, “You’re losing too much weight.”

Ashlyn grabbed the bread from Ali’s hand and took a big bite out of it before handing it back to her. “I’m losing weight becuase of the diet that I’m on. If people would let me eat something that tastes good every once in a while there wouldn’t be an issue.”

Ali sighed in frustration. The truth was that she had noticed her wife’s health had declined in the last year. Ashlyn had scaled down the hours and her responsibiities at work, but Ali still felt it wasn’t enough. Ash had been careful to eat better and get enough sleep every night, but Ali knew that her successful and stressful career was taking it’s toll on her body. 

“It’s not the diet, Ash.” Ali replied. “You’re in denial if you think there isn’t more going on.” 

Ashlyn shrugged and said, “I feel fine.”

“How about your headaches?” Ali argued.

Ashlyn answered, “I’ve always gotten headaches. Headaches are normal for me.”

“Why are you so tired every night when you get home from work?” Ali asked. “Why is your color different? Your weight is only a part of the problem.”

“Geeze...” Ash whined defensively. “Are you trying to make me feel bad? Do I look horrible, or something?” Ashlyn was trying to redirect the conversation from her health to Ali insulting her looks. 

It didn’t work.

“Please...” Ali said sarcastically. “I know what you’re doing. You’ve been avoiding this for too long...” Ali paused and sighed, feeling that she was partially to blame. “We both have.”

“Alex, I’m fine. I’m following doc’s orders. I’m eating rabbit food and working half the hours I used to. What more do you want from me?” 

Ali was determined that the time to hold back had passed. She was going to let Ash hear everything she had been thinking. 

“I want you to be honest. I know you aren’t telling your doctor everything that’s going on. I know that your days are getting harder. You’re not only hiding it from your doctor, or me....but also from yourself. You need to be honest with yourself about how you’re feeling.” 

Ali’s eyes were gentle and kind. Ashlyn knew she was only bringing all of this up because she loved her so much.

“Al, I don’t know what more I can do.” Ashlyn said, sounding defeated. She couldn’t deny anything that Ali had said. She had been feeling awful lately in comparison to what normal for her used to feel like.

“You’ve built an empire.” Ali said, unable to hide how proud she was of her wife.

Ash corrected her, “I wouldn’t call it an empire, but whatever you want to call it, WE built it.”

“WE...” Ali said, making sure to emphasize the word to appease her wife. “...have 3 locations and we’re still growing. We don’t need to worry about money anymore. You’ve hired a very handsome young man to help you run things.” Ali smiled thinking of their sweet son and how he had taken it upon himself to make life easier for Ashlyn. “I think it’s time to step away.”

Ashlyn’s face went blank. Her life was consumed by her job. Stepping away would mean a complete life change. She wasn’t sure she could handle that. She wasn’t sure she even knew what that looked like.

“Babe, I can’t do that.” Ash replied, feeling stunned by the suggestion.

Ali felt overwhelmed, she could only imagine what Ash was feeling. “Baby, I don’t think you have a choice.”

...

Charlie had the hardest time finding the flavor ice cream that her wife had sent her out to get. It was a flavor that was only sold at their favorite ice cream shop and it had recently closed for the season. She finally settled on buying 2 flavors that when mixed together could be similar to the specific kind that Lexi had requested. She carried the bag of ice cream into their apartment and found her wife cleaning. Ever since they found out that she was pregnant, Lexi had been even more of a neat freak than she was to begin with.

“Lex, I’ve got some good news and some bad news.” Charlie announced. 

She set the closed bag on the table, making sure Lex couldn’t see inside. She didn’t want her to be disappointed by it’s contents. She figured that if she was able to explain first with a positive spin, the news might go over better.

“What’s the bad news?” Lexi asked. Her hand covered her stomach, as if it was both her and the baby asking.

Charlie put a big smile on her face and said, “Well...I wasn’t exactly able to find the strawberry cheesecake with chocolate and pretzel bits ice cream that you like.” 

Lexi’s face dropped. It was as if Charlie could see her craving wife’s heart break right in front of her.

“But....” Charlie said, forcing a tone of excitement. “I found something even better!”

Lexi leaned in toward her and asked, “You did?”

Charlie pulled out a quart of regular strawberry cheesecake ice cream and a quart of vanilla ice cream with chocolate covered pretzels and caramel.

Lexi perused the frozen dessert options and carefully read the ingredients of each option. She sighed in disappointment and said, “This isn’t what the baby asked for.”

Charlie had heard this line, or at least a variation of this line, before. Lexi was constantly blaming her cravings and whims on the baby. 

“I’m sorry, Charlotte. I don’t mean to be difficult. It’s the baby.”

Charlie had heard about the craziness that Ali put Ashlyn through, but it paled in comparison to her diva wife.

“I thought you might say that.” Charlie replied. She had taken a big risk. There was a chance that she could either please a craving that her wife didn’t even know she had yet, or she could completely ruin any chance of Lexi finding happiness that day. 

Charlie carefully continued. “I remembered one time when you took me out on a date. It was a great time. You showed me the place where your parents used to take you when you needed to have a little extra one on one time with them. You said your favorite ice cream from there was rocky road.” 

Charlie pulled out the third quart of ice cream she had purchased and a box of ice cream cones. “I thought maybe we could have an ice cream cone with the baby.”

Lexi’s eyes started to well up.

The moment of truth...

Charlie waited to find out her fate.

Lexi swallowed her up in a big hug and said, “I think the baby would love that!”

...

When Ash and Ali returned from their intense lunch together, Ali insisted on walking with her wife into her office. She knew that their discussion carried a heaviness with it and she didn’t want Ash to feel she was alone in bearing it. Ali just felt she needed to stay with her as long as she could that day. 

The couple was surprised to see they had an unexpected guest.

Mackenzie was sitting on Sam’s favorite couch in Ashlyn’s office. She was sitting with perfect posture, with her legs crossed. She looked completely uncomfortable and on edge. 

“Hey, sorry to let myself in.” Kenzie apologized. She took one look at Ali and asked, “Should I leave?” She thought maybe Ali and Ash wanted privacy.

“It’s fine.” Ash answered. She nodded toward her wife and said sarcastically, “She’s just being overly protective and feels the need to babysit me today.”

“That’s not true.” Ali replied. 

The comment worried Macknezie. “Is everything okay?” She asked. 

“It’s fine.” Ash said, sounding a little frustrated. “What can I help you with?” Ash asked. She figured there had to be a reason that her son’s girlfriend was waiting in her office. 

“I was actually hoping to see Sam...but he’s not here.” Kenzie answered.

Ashlyn sat in her chair and motioned for Ali to sit in her lap. Ali smiled and obeyed her prompting. She thought it was a sweet gesture after the unsettling conversation they had had over lunch.

“He’s on the road today.” Ash answered. “He’s handling some things at our other locations.” 

Ali loved hearing that he was taking such good care of the business for his mother. 

“Oh...” Mackenzie said, feeling deflated. “I guess he forgot to tell me.”

“Were you supposed to get lunch today?” Ali asked. She wasn’t feeling quiet as proud of her son as she was a few seconds ago.

“Yeah, we always get lunch unless one of us says we can’t.” Kenzie answered.

Ali leaned into her wife and whispered, “He is so much like you.” She was referring to Ashlyn’s need for space during fights.

Ashlyn shook her head and apologized on her son’s behalf. “He probably just forgot. I’ve been there myself.”

“I thought things would be better when he came back home. He barely talks to me.” Kenzie explained. “Lexi said I shouldn’t worry. She said that he is just thinking about things.”

Ashlyn nodded, thinking that she knew exactly what he was thinking about. 

Ali graciously answered, “Our sweet boy has a hard time putting his feelings into words. He either goes with the flow and doesn’t let anything bother him, or he’s on the opposite side of the spectrum and struggles to know what he’s feeling.”

Ali added with certainty, “It’s not your fault.”

“Well, it sorta is.” Mackenzie said. “Everything was fine before Colorado....and Colorado was all my fault.”

“Do you want me to call him?” Ali offered. “I’ll make sure he comes straight back here.”

Ashlyn held back her first thought which was that he was working and an adult and Ali shouldn’t use the ‘Mom card’ to get him to stop what he was doing.

“He has several meetings today. I don’t think he will be able to come back until later.” Ashlyn said in Sam’s defense. 

Her son wanted space. She figured the worst possible thing they could do was make him feel ganged up on and forced to come back. She understood how he felt. She had been there many times herself. The least she could do was let him not have to worry about Mackenzie while he was at work.

“I should probably go.” Mackenzie said as she stood to her feet. “Thanks for talking.”

“Have you eaten?” Ali asked Mackenzie. 

This question got a smirk out of Ashlyn. Ali worrying about someone other than her would mean that she could have a little space herself. 

“No.” Kenzie answered.

“Let me take you out.” Ali offered. Even though she had already eaten she saw it as an opportunity to help her son’s girlfriend.

Ali turned to Ash and asked, “Will you be alright if I go?”

“Somehow I’ll manage.” Ash promised with a hint of sarcasm.

...

Ashlyn felt a faint tapping. 

The anxious sound of her son’s voice woke her.

“Are you okay?” 

Sam had found his mother asleep on her office floor. He thought she had fallen and was possibly unconscious.

“I’m fine.” She answered. She used her foot to pushed closed an open desk drawer that she had been going through before she fell asleep. “A little embarassed, to be honest. But I’m fine.”

“What happened?” Sam asked.

Ashlyn reached out her hand for Samuel to take and let him pull her up.

“I was going through some paperwork and I guess I fell asleep.” Ash said. She shook her head, feeling like an idiot and added, “Your Mom stresses me out. I’m guessing she’s stressing you out, too.”

“What do you mean?” Sam asked. He rubbed the right side of his neck in pain.

Ashlyn noticed him grimace when he massaged his neck and shoulder area, she asked, “What’s wrong? Did you hurt yourself?”

“It’s a pinched nerve. I’ve been sleeping on the couch lately.”

“Don’t you guys have other rooms with beds?” Ash asked. The house that Sam shared with his girlfirend was modest for their budget, but it had several spare rooms where he could have slept more comforatbly. 

“I don’t feel right sleeping in another bed in the house.” Sam replied. “Even though my feet hang over the end of the couch and Bailey thinks she needs to share the limited space with me, I still think it’s better than sleeping in another bed.”

Ashlyn didn’t completely understand the logic, but figured it was the least of their worries at the moment.

“So, your mother informed me that she has come up with a plan for us.” Ashlyn said. “I’m assuming that her plan may be causing you even more things to worry about.”

“I’m not worried.” Sam replied.

“Maybe ‘worry’ is the wrong word. But I wonder if you are overwhelmed thinking about me and my health and how your Mom thinks you’re the answer to all our problems.”

“She doesn’t think that.” 

“Sam, your Mom’s idea about you taking over the business is a good idea, but it’s just an idea. If it isn’t what you want, then don’t do it.”

Samuel took a seat on the corner of his mother’s desk and asked, “How can I say no?”

“The idea of you running the business and eventually taking it over completely is one option. There are other options, son.” Ash answered. “What I want more than anything else if for you to choose what makes you happy.”

Sam looked as if he was about to cry when he said, “But you’re sick. I don’t want anything to happen to you. What if the stress makes you sicker and something bad happens?”

Everyone worried that Ashlyn’s life would be cut short because of her work and schedule. Even though she had made a big effort to cut down stress in her life, her health was still showing signs of fatigue and stress.

“Your decision doesn’t affect what happens to me. Get that burden off of your shoulders.” Ash said. “If Plan A doesn’t happen, then we’ll go to Plan B.”

“What’s Plan B?” Sam asked. 

“We’ll find a buyer. You have a lot of experience here, you can find a job somewhere else if you want, or you can try out Plan A for a while and see how you like it. If Plan A doesn’t work for you, then we’ll go to Plan B...or C...or D...or whatever we need to do to make it work.”

“Mom said that you would give me 50% of the company and then the other 50% would be split between the siblings. She said I could buy them out.” Sam said. “I feel like she has my whole life planned for me. And I mean...I can’t really say that it’s a bad life...but it’s just a lot to think about.” 

Sam continued, “And I think about you and feel like it would make me really proud to follow in your footsteps.” 

Ash couldn’t help but smile when she heard that.

“And I think...” Sam added, “Why wouldn’t I want to do it? Especially if it would mean that you can relax and enjoy your life instead of struggle with health stuff. And I really want that for you.”

“Sam-Bam, it’s not about me.” Ash replied, cutting him off. “Choose what will make you happy.”

“Ma, of course it’s about you.” Sam said. “I mean, it’s not just about you...it’s about Mom...and me and Kenze...and everybody.”

“Put this away for a while.” Ashlyn said. “Your brain is on overload. That’s what’s happening. You’re thinking about too many big things and it’s keeping you from focusing on the most important thing.”

Sam took a deep breath, knowing what his mother was referring to as the ‘most important thing’ and asked, “What am I gonna do about Kenzie?”

For the third time Ashlyn said, “Choose what makes you happy.”

...

That night was the weekly Krieger-Harris family dinner at Ali and Ash’s house. Ali put Ashlyn to work on chopping vegetables for the salad while she finished up making garlic bread. The two worked side by side in the familiar kitchen where they had prepared thousands of meals for their beloved family.

“Can you text Sam and tell him to make sure he shows up on time?” Ali asked. 

Her wife stopped slicing the tomato she held and looked over at her wife suspiciously. 

“What?” Ali asked, trying her best to sound innocent. “I want him to be on time. What’s wrong with that?” 

“What are you up to?” Ashlyn asked. She narrowed her eyes and refused to move her gaze from Ali until she explained. 

“Mackenzie is coming. I want them to work things out.” Ali confessed.

Ashlyn dropped the knife she was holding and with a tone that made it clear that she disapproved of her wife’s meddling said, “Why are you pressuring him so much? He needs space.”

“He’s had enough space, Ashlyn.” Ali replied firmly. “Those two belong together and the the longer he puts her through this the more he’s gonna push her away. He’s hurting her.” 

Ashlyn was feeling pressured herself. Ali had planned out her retirement without really talking to her about it...at least that’s how it felt to her. Her career, and providing for her family, was very important to her. When her health kept her from being able to play soccer anymore, she threw herself completely into her business. She didn’t want to be forced to give up on another dream.

“Alex, did you ever think that you trying to bully him to do things is causing him to feel the need for more space?” Ash asked with more attitude than Ali would have liked.

Ali wanted to tell her wife off, but felt that minus the attitude, Ashlyn might have made a point she should listen to.

“What are you saying?” Ali asked. She quickly added, “And don’t be an ass about it, just tell me.”

“He’s overwhelmed. He was planning his proposal to Mackenzie the same day that she chose to leave him in Colorado. We both agree that it was bad timing, but he seems to think it might be a sign.” Ash explained.

“Poor thing.” Ali said. “But I still think they should work this out.”

“I do too, and I think he will end up agreeing with us, but he’s overwhelmed.” Ash said. Her face filled with heat when she added, “And apparently you made him think that I’m gonna die if he doesn’t take over the family business.”

“I never said that!” Ali exclaimed in her defense. “I just told him that it would make sense.”

“Alex, our boy is feeling so much pressure about his future right now that he can’t figure out what he really wants. I don’t want to be the reason that Sam chooses any kind of future that isn’t going to make him happy.”

“I don’t want that either.” Ali said. “It just makes sense. He loves working with you. He’s good at what he does. It’s not like I’m suggesting that he become something he hates.”

“Alex, it’s not your decision!” 

Ashlyn felt frustrated with her wife. Ali was trying so hard to ‘fix’ everything for everyone that she forgot to ask Ash what she wanted and how she felt. The truth was that Ashlyn knew she couldn’t continue at the pace that she had been going. She had thought about the scenario but held her ideas back to let Samuel come to his own conclusion about what should be done. She felt that Ali ruined it for her...and for Sam.

“You’re mad at me.” Ali stated. “Ash, I know it’s hard, but this is our reality now. I can’t stand by and watch you waste away.” Ali wanted to cry. She felt she had waited too long to say something. She felt that Ashlyn needed her to step in.

“Did you ever think that I had a plan of my own?” Ashlyn asked. “You think that I am oblivious to the fact that my blood pressure and anxiety is out of control?” She was feeling her blood pressure and anxiety rise at that very moment. She stopped the conversation and said, “I need to take a break.”

Ashlyn started to walk away, but was stopped by her wife grabbing her in a hug from behind.

“Baby, I love you so much...” Ali whispered. “I’m so scared to lose you.”

Ashlyn turned in her wife’s arms and said, “I’m scared too.” She wiped a tear that had found it’s way to her cheek and said, “I don’t know how to do this. All I know is that I can’t let this hurt Sam. He’s the one that made it possible to expand and be as successful as we’ve been in the first place.”

“I’m sorry. I’m just trying to take care of you.” Ali confessed. “I thought it would be easier for you if I talked to the kids first and showed you that everything could work out.” Ali added, “I thought you weren’t listening to your body and I’ve been so worried about you working yourself to death.”

Ashlyn was getting really tired of people treating her like she was one stressful day away from dying.

“I need to lie down.” Ash said. This only made her wife’s concern grow.

Ali followed her to their room and asked, “Do you need anything?” 

“I need you to relax.” Ash said. She stretched out on their bed and put a pillow over her head.

Ali sighed and said to herself, “I guess the conversation is over.”

...

“Big brother...” Lexi said as she hugged Jake. “I’ve missed you. I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages.”

“You’re being weird.” Jacob said immediately. He stepped back and looked his sister over. “Why are you crying?” He asked. 

Lexi’s eyes had welled up and she seemed more emoitional than usual. 

Charlie came up with a feeble excuse and dragged her wife to a different room to keep her from letting their secret slip. There was only one person who knew that Lexi was pregnant. Samuel, ‘the chamber of secrets,’ as some family members referred to him, was the one person who knew. 

Lexi and Charlie had their reasons. Rachel, Jake’s wife had had a lot of difficulty with pregnancies, and Ali had struggled too. They felt it would be better to wait until after the first trimester to make an announcement. They still had a couple more weeks to go.

Rachel, a very intelligent and experienced doctor, had an idea of Lexi’s state but kept it to herself...for now.

...

Sam arrived late....as expected. What was unexpected was that he brought his dog with him. Mackenzie had arrived on time and wondered why Sam wasted time getting their dog when she was at the house and could have brought Bailey herself.

“You’re so upset with me that you wait unil you know I would have to leave our house to come here before you go to our house and get our dog?” Mackenzie asked. She had had enough. “God, Sam...” 

Mackenzie had said this in front of everyone the moment Sam walked through the door. She made sure to brush up against him roughly as she walked out the door. 

“Go after her, idiot.” Lexi said as if it was the only thing for him to do.

Lex’s voice pulled him out of what could only be described as complete shock. Kenzie had never acted like that toward him, and the fact that it happened in front of his family made him think he had really messed up. Suddenly, what he wanted became very clear to him.

“Kenze...” Sam yelled as he left the house and followed his girlfriend to her car. “Hold on.”

“You’ve made it pretty clear you don’t want to see me.” Kenzie said. “I don’t know how many more times, or ways I can say that I’m sorry.”

“Kenze...” Sam began, but was interrupted by their dog’s tongue. Bailey loved giving kisses. “Here.” He said and handed the affectionate dog to his girlfriend. If for no other reason than to try to cheer her up.

“Listen, I screwed up.” Samuel said. “I was tyring to figure out what I wanted....I mean...” He paused for a few seconds and said, “It’s dumb...it’s really, really dumb.”

Mackenzie did her best to keep a stern face. It was hard between Bailey’s loving kisses and Sam finally opening up to her.

Sam continued, “It’s dumb because...OF COURSE I want you. My brain is so messed up right now. I’m really sorry that I didn’t know how to tell you.” 

“You didn’t feel you could tell me this?” Mackenzie asked. “You didn’t have to tell me everything, but at least something. I feel like you’ve been going out of your way to stay away from me.”

“I guess I kind of was.” 

“That sucks!” Kenzie replied.

“I know. I’m sorry, I have a lot on my mind and I can’t figure out what to say to make it make sense.”

“I wish you would try.” She said. 

Samuel decided to finally try.

“Well...um...my Mom asked me about taking over the family business and I feel a lot of pressure because I know it would really help out my parents, but I don’t know if I can handle it.” Sam cleared his throat and awkwardly looked down so he wouldn’t have to look his girlfriend in the eye when he said the next part. “And I thought that maybe I could handle it because I felt like I could handle anything as long as we’re together...and then you left me.” 

Sam rushed to add, “And I know it’s not a big deal and I’m making it a big deal, but I’m confused because I felt like maybe it was a sign that I couldn’t handle the pressure because you won’t always be there and now I feel like I’m letting everybody down, and that I’m not good enough for you or my family.”

Mackenzie was not expecting to hear so many words ramble out of her boyfriend’s mouth. 

“Here.” She said and handed Bailey back to Sam. The dog immediately rubbed her nose in his neck and licked his face. Their favorite dog was starting to shiver from the cold. She dug at the collar of his hoodie as a signal. Sam unzipped it and wrapped her up before pulling his zipper back up. Bailey’s interruption was enough to get Samuel to look up at Mackenzie.

Kenzie said, “I needed both my hands free.” 

“Why?

Mackenzie stepped into Sam and wrapped her arms around his waist. “Because I wanted to be able to hold you.” 

The furry ball of love inside Samuel’s hoodie started to squirm and bark. The dog broke whatever tension was left between the two. 

Kenzie stepped back and met Sam’s eyes and joked, “Our baby wants you all to herself.” 

Sam didn’t smile, or laugh. He couldn’t have been more serious when he said, “I’m sorry, Kenze. I messed up.”

“You don’t need to apologize for your feelings. It’s just the way that you handled them that made me feel like you didn’t care about me.” 

Sam took a deep breath and slowly let it out. He finally knew what he wanted to say. “Can I tell you something?” He asked. 

Kenzie nodded.

“Ma kept saying today that I need to choose what makes me happy. After all this, I can honestly say that I know what makes me happy.”

Mackenzie thought she knew where Sam was going, but held her breath and waited for confirmation.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do with the rest of my life...but I do know that it won’t be a happy life unless you’re there with me.”

...

“I think they worked it out.” Charlie announced. She was looking over her wife’s shoulder as Lex peaked through the blinds and spied on her brother.

Lexi bumped Charlie with her hip and said, “Shh.” Lex didn’t want her parents to know she was being nosy.

“Get away from there.” Ashlyn said. “Help set the table.”

Charlie answered for both her and her wife, “Yes, ma’am.” She pulled Lexi away from the window by the waist and gave her a loving pat on the butt for good measure.

“Mama, I was making sure Sammy was okay.” Lexi whined. 

Ashlyn handed her daughter a pile of plates and said, “You were eavesdropping on your lilttle brother.”

“I am concerned for their well-being.” Lex explained.

Ashlyn and Charlie laughed at Lex’s excuse. Ashlyn shook her head and said, “You’re spying. Leave him alone.”

There was an awkward silence for a few moments before Charlie broke the tension when she spoke out loud about an observation she had made while her wife was snooping. 

“I never realized how handsy Mackenzie is.” 

The women laughed together at the comment until Ashlyn had to scold her wife for taking their daughter’s spot at the window.


	276. Over (Part Three)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a FLASHFORWARD chapter.

“Did you clean off my car?” Ali asked Ashlyn. She met her wife for lunch, just like she did everyday, and noticed that the snow and ice had been removed from all of her windows. 

Ali looped her arm through Ashlyn’s and pulled her in for a quick kiss before reaching her car.

“I wish I could take credit.” Ash answered. She looked around, as if the good samaritan might still be near and guessed, “Maybe Sam-Bam.”

“Of course.” Ali gushed. “Our sweet boy...”

“Um...no.” A voice from behind them said. The women turned to see their youngest children trailing behind them. Bella spoke again, “Sam isn’t getting credit for our good deed. We need all of the favor points we can get.”

Jamie walked next to his twin sister and shook his head. He whispered to her, “That’s not why you’re supposed to do nice things, Bell.”

Bella ignored him and gave both their parents a big hug.

While hugging Bella, Ali used one arm to reach around her daughter and grab Jamie by the shirt sleeve to pull him in to their group hug. After the four had finished their embrace, Ali sighed in complete joy. All of her children were home.

“My babies!” Ali said. “Just stand right there and let me look at you.”

The twins had heard this line before. For some reason Ali always wanted to study thier faces whenever they had come home from being away at school for any period of time. 

Ashlyn cut off Ali’s awkwardly long moment of staring by asking, “What brings you both here? Don’t you have two more weeks of school before Christmas break?”

“We missed you.” Bella said and smiled sweetly.

Jamie took a more honest approach and answered, “Laundry and food.”

Ashlyn laughed and replied, “Well, we missed you and you’re in luck, we happen to be on our way to lunch now.”

“You’re welcome to join.” Ali added.

As the four walked to the car, Ali felt a hand fill her own. She squeezed it happily, knowing that it belonged to her most affectionate child, Jamie. The baby of the family grew up following Samuel’s lead. Sam was a cuddler, but Jamie took it to the next level. It was still not out of the ordinary for him to hold Ali’s hand when walking side by side. Some may have thought it strange, but he was a young man that simply loved making his mother feel loved and everytime he thought to hold her hand, that’s exactly how she felt.

...

Rachel sat on one end of the couch and Jacob on the other. Their two children, plus a 3 year old foster child, sat between them. It was a cold, winter day, and Rachel wanted nothing more than to stay inside with her family. She knew that the kids would be tempted to play outside in the cold. She was doing her best to keep them happy in the warm house. 

The family declared a movie day, inluding a fire and hot chocolate. Rachel didn’t want to disturb the little ones, who seemed content sitting still for the moment. She pulled out her phone and typed out a message to her husband...

“Did you notice anything different about your sister last night?”

She had to clear her throat a few times to get Jacob’s attention. Apparently he was just as into the cartoon movie as the kids were.

Rach held up her phone and made her ‘wife face,’ wordlessly telling her husband to check his phone and reply asap.

After reading his wife’s text, Jake typed...

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Of course you don’t.” Rachel typed.

“Sorry?” Jake replied.

Rachel shook her head as she typed. Jacob wondered how it was possible for him to disappoint her via text message.

Jake read the message his wife sent.

“I think she’s pregnant.”

That got Jake’s attention. He looked up at her and shrugged. She watched his eyes widen the moment he realized he had two sisters. He quickly typed a response.

“Which sister?”

Rach rolled her eyes and typed, “The one we were just talking about. The one we had dinner with last night. Are you kidding me?”

Jacob let out a breath of relief and dropped his phone in his lap. He felt his daughter cuddle up against his arm and felt the corners of his mouth curl up. He really loved being a dad. 

He picked his phone back up and typed, “Lexi is pregnant? What makes you think that?”

Rachel replied, “I just have a feeling.”

...

Ashlyn took a sip of water and examined her son finishing off the burger that had only a few moments before been placed in front of him. He licked his fingertips and grabbed for a roll in a basket at the middle of the table. 

Ashlyn, sounding a lot like her wife, asked, “Son, when was the last time you ate?”

Jamie looked up at her, his eyes narrowed and forehead wrinkled as he thought. “I ate breakfast with Bella.” He answered.

“Correction.” Bella said, “He stole my breakfast.”

“You said you came home for food.” Ash replied, directing the conversation back to her son. “Why did you say food?”

Bella answered for him again and said, “Because some people aren’t good at managing their money.”

Ali interjected, “Sweetheart, are you out of money?”

“Jame, we deposit money in your account every month to make sure you can buy necessities...like food.” Ash added.

“Honey, what’s going on?” Ali asked.

Jamie fidgetted in his seat before answering defensively, “Nothing.”

Both parents turned to Bella for an explanation. Suddenly she regretted saying anything. As much as she enjoyed giving her brother a hard time, she was always loyal to him.

Instead of answering honestly she said, “Nothing.”

“What are you two hiding?” Ash wondered out loud.

Both answered in unison, “Nothing.”

Ali and Ash shared a look and without words agreed to let it go for now...then they ordered their son another burger.

...

Jacob carried his new foster son in his arms. The 3 year old was bundled up in a new coat that Rachel had picked out for him. He had on matching mittens, a winter hat, and snow boots. 

Ben, or Benny as his new foster brother and sister called him, was a very friendly boy who had been taken from his parents’ custody due to neglect. He had been diagnosed with Down’s Syndrome while still in his mother’s womb. Once his parents found out about his diagnosis their excitement about having a child had changed. They had had two other children. It had become easy for them to forget about Benny.

Jake had decided to take Benny on an outing to Ashlyn’s gym. When she saw him she immediately took Ben from his arms and took him to her secret candy stash in her desk.

“Pick out whatever candy you want.” She instructed. 

Benny lit up. He was such a happy kid. Everyone with any sense immediately fell in love with him. 

“That.” He said, pointing at a piece of chocolate. 

Ashlyn smiled and handed him the candy. She replied, “You picked the best kind!”

The boy was more excited about making Ashlyn happy than about the chocolate covered caramel treat he had picked out.

Ash held Benny in her lap and helped him draw a picture on a notebook she had kept specifically for her smaller visitors. He would often stop to tap on Ashlyn’s hand and show off the picture he had been working on. Both Ash and Jake marveled at his creative briliance.

“What brings you here?” Ash asked. She handed Benny another crayon to color with.

Jake answered, “Benny wanted to play with his Uncle Sammy.”

Ashlyn had a feeling that all of her children were up to something. She never expected it from her oldest son, but he was starting to make her wonder.

“Sam’s getting a massage.” Ash replied. “Why are you really here?”

“I told you.” Jake answered. “We’re here to see Samuel.”

“Sammy.” Benny said, feeling like he needed to correct what Jake called his brother.

“Just like your name is Benjamin and we call you Benny, Sammy’s name is Samuel.” Ash said, trying to explain. 

The boy didn’t seem to understand. He just repeated his correction and said, “Sammy.”

“Sammy.” Jacob said in agreement.

Ash shrugged and echoed, “Sammy, it is.” She might have gone as far as renaming her son if it meant it made the sweet boy in her lap happy. 

Uncle Sammy knocked on his mother’s office door before letting himself in. The knock startled Benny, but he soon forgot about everything else. His face lit up. 

“Uncle Sammy!” He yelled. 

There was something about a child’s innocent joy that made Ashlyn feel younger. It filled her up in a way. She felt it did her soul good. 

“Benny!” Sam yelled, matching the boy’s excited tone. The whole place heard him, but he was never one to worry about that sort of thing.

Ben held up his arms and Samuel immediately went to him and picked him up from his mother’s lap. 

“Hey, my dude.” Sam said in a calmer voice than he had first used to greet him. 

“Hi.” Benny replied in a happy whisper. 

Jacob bent down and kissed Ashlyn’s cheek before saying, “We need to go for a little walk.” He gestured toward Ben and Sam and said, “We’ll be right back.”

As the three boys left her office, Ashlyn knew for certain now that something was going on with her children.

Ashlyn was too busy to properly spy on her sons the way that Ali would have liked her to. She tried to focus on some pressing paperwork that needed to be finished, but her mind was all over the place. 

How could she possibly get anything done when she could feel her blood pressure quicken more and more by the second?

She closed her eyes and began the breathing exercises that had helped her in the past with her anxiety. Between her health, work, the retirement talk, and her children’s recent strange behavior, she was on the brink of a breakdown.

Over the past year she had tried to do a better job of putting her health first. She wasn’t great at it all the time, but she really did try. As she felt herself get overwhelmed she decided the work in front of her wasn’t worth another episode. She pushed it out of the way and decided to visit her wife.

The shelter that Ali and their friend Annie started was just a few doors away from Ashlyn’s health and fitness center. On her way out she saw Sam holding Benny in his lap and assisting him in doing a leg press on one of the machines. Samuel was doing all of the work, but the little boy was convinced the wieghts were moving because of his efforts. His excited smile and laughter brought a sense of renewed calm to Ashlyn. She continued to leave to see her wife, but felt much better than when she had first left her office.

Ali jumped up in a sense of urgency and excitement when she saw her wife at her office door. 

“Baby, I’m so glad you’re here. I was just about to call you.” Ail said.

Ashlyn suspiciously stared at her wife.

“Come.” Ali said, gesturing for her to come close. “Sit.”

Ali pulled Ashlyn into her lap and pointed at an open laptop in front of her. 

“What is this?” Ash asked. She suspected what it was, but needed Ali to confirm.

Ali took a deep breath and tried to sound like a rational wife and mother when she said, “Baby, I know what you’re thinking, but we put money in his account every month and it’s both his and our responsiblity to make sure he is spending the money on his necessities.”

Ashlyn replied, “Alex, you’re invading our son’s privacy.”

“He’s our baby.” Ali argued. “We set up this account for him to keep him safe in case of emergency and to provide for his needs. If he’s not using the money for those things then he needs us to step in.” Ali shrugged, “It’s for his own good.”

Ashlyn and Ali had very different college experiences. While Ali came from a family with enough money to pay for all of her expenses as a student, Ashlyn had to work and save for every little thing she needed for college. Her soccer scholarship paid for tuition, but everything else was her responsibility. Her experience as a college student was difficult and she and Ali wanted to keep their children from having to go through anything similar to it. 

Every month they deposited money for both of their children in their separate checking accounts. There was always plenty of money for food and other necessities. They made sure there was enough left over for them to save a little if they wanted something extra. Ali even added to the usual total that month so they could buy Christmas gifts for everyone. There was absolutely no reason for Jamie to not be able to afford to feed himself. 

“Look.” Ali said. “I was expecting to see a lot of little debits from different places, but that’s not it at all. For the last 2 months he’s taken out large sums of cash from an ATM near campus.”

“Maybe he likes to pay for things in cash. Maybe he doesn’t like using his debit card.” Ash suggested.

Ali closed her laptop and said, “Ashlyn, what if he’s doing drugs? Or gambling?”

Ashlyn replied in disbelief, “Alex, I really don’t think so.”

“How do you know? You can’t say for sure.”

The calm that Ashlyn found not too long ago was quickly dissipating.

Ali held Ashlyn tight and pressed her cheek against her shoulder and said a phrase that she had uttered to her wife thousands of times during their marriage, “I’m so worried.”

...

Lexi heard the familiar sound of her phone buzzing. Over the speaker her assistant announced that she had a visitor. She worked at a law firm and handled financial cases for businesses. When she heard she had an unexpected visitor she assumed it was her wife. Her mood instantly birghtened.

Charlie, however, was not the one who walked through her door. In fact, she didn’t have one visitor. She had two.

Lex stood from her chair and met her siblings with a hug. 

“What are you two doing here?” She asked the twins. “You’re not supposed to be home for at least another week.” Lexi considered that maybe she was confused about what day it was. She felt like her pregancy was messing with her hormones and emotions, maybe it was also causing her brain to get mixed up too.

“We need your help.” Bella answered. Jamie stood silently with no intention to speak about what they had come to talk about.

Lexi asked. “What’s going on? How can I help?” Lexi wondered if her brother and sister had told their parents about what was bothering them.

“We need legal help.” Bella answered. 

Lexi was not expecting to hear those words. Her little brother and sister were too young to have to worry about legal issues. She saw that her youngest brother looked like he was about to throw up.

Lexi pushed a button on the phone of her desk and said, “Lindsay, can you please bring us some water.”

Moments later Lexi’s assistant came in with 3 bottles of cold water. Lexi handed them out and when Jamie grabbed his, their hands touched. The contact caused him to look up at his big sister. Lex could see that her baby brother was absolutely sick with worry.

“You okay, Jame?” Lexi asked. She gestured for him to sit down and then did the same for Bella. 

Jamie still couldn’t find his words. He nervously tore at the wrapper on the bottle and kept his head down in silence. He couldn’t lift up his gaze. He didn’t want his sister to see how scared he was.

...

Ali threw up her hands and asked, “Where are my babies?!” 

Ashlyn and Ali had been home for about an hour and the twins hadn’t come home. In fact, it appeared that they hadn’t been home at all after meeting them for lunch. Ali had expected to at least be met by their dirty laundry.

“Sorry, Babe.” Ash said flippantly.

Ali didn’t think Ashlyn sounded very sorry at all.

“Where are they?” Ali asked.

Ashlyn laughed at her wife and answered, “How should I know?”

“You don’t care that our Jamie may be in trouble, do you?”

Ash rolled her eyes and replied, “You know me better than that.” 

Ali pouted and waited for her wife to come to her with a comofrting hug. Ashlyn knew exactly what Ali was expecting her to do. She wrapped her up in a hug and held her for several long and quiet moments. 

Ashlyn broke the silence when she said, “Let me make you dinner.”

Ali just laughed.

“Hey!” Ash exclaimed defensively. “I’m not completely hopeless in the kitchen. I can come up with something.”

“Baby, I don’t want to hurt your feelings...especially since you’re trying to be sweet...but I don’t think your cooking is what either of us need right now.” Ali said, doing her best to contain a laugh.

Ashlyn was known for her accidents and disasters in the kitchen. It was nice that Ashlyn offered, but Ali knew better than to accept.

Ash just shrugged it off and said, “Whatever.” Ali making fun of her cooking was nothing new. She didn’t mind at all. “What do you wanna do?”

“I don’t know.” Ali answered, feeling like her children were purposely avoiding her. 

“Babe, we’ll fix whatever needs fixed. No matter what Jamie has gotten himself into, he knows he’s not alone. We will help him through it.” Ash said. She put an arm around Ali and added, “They’ve gotta come home sometime tonight...” Ash smiled and finished her thought, “...and when they do, we will swoop in on them and destroy them.”

“Destroy....really?”

Ash shrugged and replied, “You know what I mean.”

...

Charlie had her hands full as she made her way up the stairs leading to her and Lexi’s apartment. In one hand she had a bouquet of flowers for her pregnant wife. In the other hand she had a bag of groceries and carryout chinese food that Lex had requested earlier that day for her bring home.

The woman had the hands of an artist. Lexi often teased her about the fact that she didn’t paint her nails, instead she got paint under her nails. There were still little traces of the paint she had used that day all over her. Sometimes she purposely left a streak or two on her skin just to amuse her wife. Lexi seemed to love finding stray colors on her.

When Charlie got to their door she realized that she was unable to open it without freeing one of her hands. She chose to try to hold Lexi’s flowers between her chin and neck. She managed to open the door, but the end result was a few smashed daisies. She was not happy with herself.

“Stupid...” She muttered to herself. She had been trying so hard to be extra thoughtful for her hormonal pregant wife and she felt that she had done the opposite and didn’t think through her actions. “All you had to do was put them down, open the door, and pick them up again. Idiot!” She mumbled quietly to herself. 

Lexi overheard the conversation that her wife thought she was having privately. Actually, Lex wasn’t the only one who heard.

“Honey...” Lexi said as she jumped up from the couch to meet her wife before she rounded the corner to where their guests sat.

Lexi pushed her gently in the opposite direction towards their kitchen. She gave her a quick peck on the lips and explained, “We have company.”

Lex explained how the twins had stopped by her office and how they were now sitting in their living room.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Charlie asked. She sounded frustrated.

Lexi traced over a yellow paint mark on her wife’s cheek with her thumb. She narrowed her eyes and asked, “What’s the matter?”

Charlie was normally a ‘go with the flow’ kind of person, especially when it came to Lexi.

Charlie sighed and thrust the flowers toward her wife and said, “I smashed them.” She added, “And I didn’t get enough food for everyone.”

“Charlotte, that’s not your fault. I forgot to tell you that they were here.” Lexi replied. She kissed a streak of blue on Charlie’s neck and said, “You’re perfect.”

“I’m not perfect.” The artist argued. She sat on the edge of their kitchen counter and said, “Nothing has gone my way today.” 

“Wanna talk about it?” 

Charlie looked toward the room where she knew her wife’s sister and brother were waiting. “Not really.” She answered.

“Honey...” Lexi said with a tone of sadness in her voice. “...what is it?”

“It’s just been a frustrating day. No matter how hard I try I can’t get anything right.” Charlie explained, talking about her latest art project at work. “And now I have to go get more food.”

The woman started for the door, but was held up by Lexi’s hand on her arm. “You’re not going anywhere like that.” Lex said. “My perfect wife doesn’t leave this house until she knows how much I love her.”

The artist rolled her eyes and said, “I already know how much you love me...and again...I am not perfect.”

“You’re perfect to me.” Lex answered simply.

There was no argument. Only a deep breath and a pair fo glossy eyes looking down at Lexi. 

“I love you.” Lex whispered. “I’m sorry you had a bad day. I can go get the food, or we can go somewhere else.”

“It wasn’t a bad day, per se.”

Lexi crinkled her nose and asked, “What do you mean?”

“I’m just a little distracted.” Charlie said. She gently rubbed her wife’s stomach and said, “I can’t think of anything else. Usually, I would use something like this as inspiration, but I can’t settle on anything. I don’t know why.”

“I think it’s cute.” Lexi said before giving her wife a soft kiss on the cheek. “And I promise you that it’s only temporary. You’ll be back to your old self in no time.”

“How do you know?” 

“I just know...Don’t doubt me.” Lexi smiled and added, “The baby and I know what we’re talking about.”

Lexi ended up taking the twins out to dinner and left Charlie at home to eat the Chinese food she had picked up alone. She ate it while taking a bubble bath. The perfect scenario for the artist would have been to have Lex with her to share both the food and the bath, but Charlie took what she could get and it seemed to help her relax.

...

After dinner, Lexi and the twins said their goodbyes in the parking lot of Lex’s apartment building. She stopped Jamie and casually put a folded up hundred dollar bill in his hand. She did it so that Bella didn’t see. She told him that she would always be there for him whenever he needed help. She said that it was her duty as his big sister. 

“Thanks.” Jamie replied, feeling a red blush of both embarassment and relief fill his face. 

Lexi hugged him and said, “Everything will be okay. I promise.”


	277. Over (Part Four)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a FLASHFORWARD chapter.

“I got you something.” Lexi announced from behind her wife. 

The unexpected announcement startled Charlie. Lexi saw her jump and felt guilty. She put her hand on Charlie’s shoulder and after whispering an apology said, “Close your eyes and turn around.”

Charlie did as she was told and heard Lexi say, “Wait...first....” 

The artist felt her wife’s arms around her neck and was greeted with a passionate kiss.

“Okay...” Lex said, “Close your eyes.”

“They’re already closed, Babe.” Charlie answered with a grin.

Lexi kissed her again and asked, “How can I resist kissing that cute face?”

Charlie responded by widening her smile. 

Lex pulled out her phone from her pocket and searched for the email she was looking for. When she found it she held it out in front of her and said, “Open your eyes.”

Charlie obeyed and didn’t catch on to what her wife was trying to do. She met Lexi’s eyes and completely missed the fact that the phone was there.

“Babe.” Lex said before clearing her throat and waving her phone in front of her wife’s face.

The artist narrowed her eyes as she read the phone screen and asked, “What is this?”

“I planned a weekend trip for us.”

“Florida?” Charlie asked. “What about your family? The twins are in town.”

“They’ll be in town again in a week and a half. They are the ones that decided to surprise us. I can’t help that they chose a weekend when I bought plane tickets for us to go somewhere warm.”

“Why did you do this?”

“Because you deserve it.” Lexi said. “You’ve been spoiling me a lot lately. The baby and I think it’s our turn to spoil you.”

The mention of their unborn baby made Charlie not only smile, but agree to anything and everything Lexi said after that. 

...

“They’re home!” Ali exclaimed. She rushed to Ashlyn’s side and pulled her down with her as she sat down on the couch. “Act natural.”

Ashlyn rolled her eyes and replied, “I was acting natural before you went crazy.”

“Ashlyn, our children are home and we need to figure out what’s going on with them. I don’t want to tip them off that we’re on to them.”

Ash laughed at her wife, but stopped when she felt a sharp pinch on her thigh. Her wife saw the front door open and squeezed her leg hard. 

“Alex...” Ash whined. She rubbed the painful spot with her hand and shook her head in silent judgement.

“Hey.” Ali said, trying to sound casual and uninterested in what her youngest children had been up to all day. 

“Gotta pee.” Jamie said as he quickly made his way to the bathroom. 

Ali huffed in frustration. Obviously, she was going to have to wait to hear from Jamie. She shifted her focus to Bella. 

“Bell, I was hoping to spend some time with you while you’re home.” Ali said. “I wanted to take you and your brother out tonight.”

Bella shrugged and said, “Sorry. We had dinner with Lex.”

Ali wondered why they chose Lex over everyone else in the family. Lexi was the sibling that was known for her no nonsense way of taking care of things. Was it a coincidence that they chose to see her on an unexpected visit home? Or was it just a normal visit with their big sister?

Before Ali could subtly interrogate her daughter, Jamie resurfaced and sat down next to her on the couch. He slouched down enough to get at the right height and angle to lay his head on Ali’s shoulder. He reached for her hand and as he held it all of Ali’s motivation to put him and his sister on the spot melted away. She turned her head and placed a gentle kiss on his forehead. 

“Sweetheart, I love you. I always will.” Ali said. She watched his eyes close and his face relax. She felt that it might have been the first moment of peace her boy had had in a long time. She wasn’t going to take it away from him. 

Ali decided to wait to confront him about what he and Bella were hiding.

...

The next morning Ashlyn rolled over into Ali’s pillow. A groan left her lips. She inhaled sharply when she felt a dull pain in her head. The lights were off, but it was late enough in the morning for the sun to peak through the window. Ash groaned again when she opened her eyes. The brightness was too much for her. 

With both eyes mostly closed to keep out the light, she attempted to sit up. Her head felt as if it was swirling and her equilibrium betrayed her. She clamped her eyes tightly shut and slowly lowered her head back to her wife’s pillow. 

Once she caught her breath, she called out weakly to her wife. 

“Alex...”

No answer.

Ashlyn sighed in surrender. She didn’t have the strength, or concentration to be able to make another plea for help. She pressed her face into the pillow, ready to wait for the symptoms to pass.

Her desperate attempt at falling back to sleep was halted by a light knock on her bedroom door.

She knew it wasn’t Ali. Ali would have walked in without knocking. It must have been one of her children. She didn’t want them to see her like this.

Bella waited for an answer, when it didn’t come, she knocked again. Ashlyn felt tears well up in her eyes. She prayed that her unexpected visitor would give up and leave. Bella, however, had heard her mother call out for Ali and wasn’t going to leave until she confirmed that Ashlyn was okay.

“Mama?” Bella called from behind the closed door.

Ashlyn took a deep breath and answered, “Yeah.” The vibration of her voice inside her head was complete misery.

Her voice sounded distressed. Bella no longer worried about being polite. 

“I’m coming in.” Bella announced. She saw Ashlyn lying face down. Bella was unsure of what she was encountering. “Mama?”

Ashlyn slowly rolled over, she covered her eyes with her hand and said, “Izzy, it’s okay. I just have a headache. Is your Mom around?”

Bella sat down next to Ashlyn and started to massage her mother’s head, just like she had seen Ali do many times before. 

“Mom went for a jog with Jamie. She said you had a hard night and that we should let you sleep.” Bella explained. 

Apparently, everyone knew about her health issues. She really hated that.

Isabella added, “Do you need something? I heard you call for Mom.”

“No.” Ashlyn answered. “I just like having your Mom close when I’m hurting...There’s really nothing that can be done. It will pass on it’s own.”

Bella straightened up and adjusted her position. She put a pillow in her lap and said, “I’m not Mom, but I’ve seen her do this lots of times.” She used her hand to gently guide Ashlyn’s head into her lap. “Just try to relax. Mom says it’s worse when you’re stressed.”

“She says that, does she?”

“Yeah. You’re like Jamie. Same thing happens to him. He doesn’t get bad headaches or anything, but stress really messes with him.” Bella explained. 

Ashlyn wanted to go further into what Bella was saying. She knew that Ali would want her to get as many details as she could, but Ash just couldn’t focus enough on anything else at the moment.

Ash sighed and let her daughter do her best to take care of her until Ali came home.

...

Ali and Ashlyn sat quietly with the twins over a late breakfast. Ali could see that her wife was discouraged, and a little embarrassed by the morning’s events. Ali gave an encouraging wink as she poured her wife another cup of coffee. 

There was a lot of tension circulating through the room. It was as if all four of them knew that something had to be said, but no one knew the right words to say. Ali wanted to take the lead, but she didn’t know which topic of choice her wife would want to discuss. Maybe she didn’t want to talk about anything.

Jamie finally broke the silence. 

“I have to tell you something.” He said. He chewed on his lip nervously. 

Ali put her arm around Ashlyn’s shoulders and waited to hear what she had been dying to hear since the twins came in town.

Jamie continued, “There’s a reason why I haven’t had any extra money and why Bell has been helping me pay for food.”

Neither of the women had heard about their daughter buying Jamie meals. They were both proud and worried. They both stayed quiet and let their boy speak. Ali started to gently rub Ashlyn’s back, expecting to hear something that would stress them both out.

“There’s this girl...” Jamie anxiously said in a quiet breath.

Ashlyn couldn’t help but notice Isabella roll her eyes at the mention of the ‘girl.’

Jamie continued, “Ummm...I...ummm...”

“Did you get some girl pregnant?” Ashlyn blurted out. What else could possibly cause this behavior from her son?

“No!” He replied emphatically.

Ali leaned in towards him and asked, “Then what is it?”

“We dated for a little while...like a month...and she has a kid. I don’t know, I guess she really liked me, but it was too much for me. She was too intense.”

“And?” Ali said, still waiting for the worst possible explanation to drop.

He shrugged and said, “She won’t leave me alone. She says that her ex is threatening her and that her son is sick and hungry and that...”

Bella cut in and said, “She’s taking advantage of him and he doesn’t know how to get away from her. She’s like a stalker, but he doesn’t do anything to stop her.” She sarcastically added, “He basically pays her to stalk him.”

“Bella, will you please excuse us.” Ali said, not moving her gaze from Jamie. 

Bella whined, “But Mom, I’m just telling you...”

“It’s okay.” Ali replied. “But we need to talk to your brother in private.” 

Isabella rolled her eyes as she stood to her feet. She walked away with a one word response. 

“Whatever.”

“Sweetheart, why are you giving this girl money?” Ali asked, with a voice so tender that it made Ashlyn want to cry.

Jamie shifted uncomfortably as he answered, “When we were dating she told me about her son’s Dad and how he was really manipulative and got involved with some bad people. She said he was abusive and that if she didn’t give him money he would do bad things to her and her son.” His eyes started to get glossy as he continued, “I’m so stupid. I fell for it. She probably was lying to me. I don’t know. But now she tells me she might hurt herself if I leave her alone. I don’t know what to do. Lex said I should get a restraining order, or at least threaten to.”

Ali shifted her focus from her son to her wife. She tried to read Ashlyn’s face, but her expression gave no indication of what she was thinking.

Ali was about to say something, but Ashlyn stopped her by putting her hand on her thigh. Ash sat up straight and said, “Son, do you think you’re the first person to go through a messy break up?”

“Uhh...no?” He answered, feeling like his mother was minimizing his heartache. 

Ashlyn followed up her question with another, “Do you think that you’re the first person who dated someone who ended up being a completely different person than who they thought they were?”

“No.”

Ashlyn forced a small smile when she said, “This might feel too big for you to deal with, but it’s not. You know why?”

Jamie just stared at his mother. He didn’t have an answer. It felt way too big for him. He felt like it was suffocating him.

“It’s not too big, because you’re not dealing with it alone.” Ash explained. “Now that you told us, we can help you. I promise you, this girl will not control you anymore.”

Ali held back a smile. She felt that it would be inappropriate, but she wanted to kiss her wife for so confidently coming to their son’s rescue. 

“But how?” Jamie asked. 

Ashlyn answered, “Simple. This girl hasn’t met your mother...” Ash nodded towards Ali. “...or your big sister yet. I guarantee you it won’t take more than a conversation from the two of them to get her to leave you alone.”

“But...how?” He asked again. Surely his ex wouldn’t back down because of a few words. 

“How old is she?” Ash asked. 

“21.” He answered.

Ashlyn smirked and said, “She’s a kid. She’s a kid, who it sounds like has been in trouble a time, or two. I’m willing to bet that she doesn’t want to have anything to do with the law. We get Lexi in there with one of her business cards showing that she’s a lawyer and I bet that girl never bothers you again.”

Jamie asked with sincere concern, “But what if she hurts herself?”

Ali reached across the table and took her son’s hand and said, “Sweetheart, you’re not responsible for what she chooses to do. You’re being manipulated. Whether she is serious, or not, it’s not your job to make sure that she’s safe. If you think she’s serious, then report it to the school, or the police, and let it go. You’re a kid in college. You should be worrying about your finals and sports.” Ali kissed his hand and said, “Honey, you don’t owe her anything. If someone is hurting you, you cut them lose.”

“What if she won’t leave?” He asked. He had tried to cut her lose a month ago.

“You close the door on her and make sure it stays closed.” Ali answered. 

The three of them heard a voice from around the corner say, “He’s too nice. Everyone takes advantage of him.”

“Isabella Michelle, we told you to give us some privacy!” Ali scolded.

“Mom, if I don’t tell you the truth, no one will.” Bella replied. Her mother’s serious tone didn’t scare her one bit. “James Powell over there needs to learn to say no to people and walk away.” 

Bella ‘middle-named’ her brother just like Ali had done to her.

“We’ll handle it, Izzy.” Ash said. “Go away.”

“Go away.” Bella repeated in mocking offense. “My own mother told me to go away.”

“I’m sure you’ll find some way to get over it.” Ash replied sarcastically. 

“I’m traumatized.” Isabella said dramatically. “But I’ll go.”

As Bella left, Ashlyn laughed and Ali shook her head.

“She get’s that from you.” Ashlyn said to her wife.

...

“Babe, we’re at the airport. They don’t have giant pickles like the place down the street from our apartment. This is the best I could do.” Charlie said. 

She had found a sandwich shop that included half a pickle spear on the side. She had to buy a sandwhich and a bag of chips to get the ‘free’ pickle for her wife.

“The baby wants a sweet pickle. Not dill. This is way too sour.” Lexi argued. 

There was nothing that Charlie could do but laugh. The spontaneous trip was supposed to be a stress reliever. It was supposed to be a chance for Lexi to spoil her, but instead it was more of the same. The artist wasn’t complaining. She smiled thinking about how she would soon have two people to take care of.

Lexi switched gears and asked, “Did you get cheddar and sour cream chips, at least?”

Charlie handed over the small bag of chips as an answer.

“You know me well.” Lexi said right before devouring the entire bag.

Lexi gave a pat to the empty chair next to her, signaling for Charlie to sit down. Once she was seated, the pregnant woman leaned on her wife and hummed in happiness. In the midst of her hormonal mood swings and endless cravings, she found an absolute bliss with her wife.

Lexi smiled as she said, “Charlotte, you are going to be an amazing mother.” She smiled and added, “You’re already the best wife ever.”

...

It was supposed to be a day off for Ashlyn, but she was going crazy all alone in her and Ali’s big house. Her wife took their son out on a special ‘date.’ When she offered to take Isabella out, her daughter informed her that Sam had already made plans with her.

Ashlyn thought about seeing Lexi, but was told that Lex and Charlie had left town for warmer weather. Ali gave her strict instructions to stay home and relax. She felt like she couldn’t do both. She left to check on her company, planning to visit each location. 

She half hoped that there would be some kind of problem that she could throw herself into, but there wasn’t. Both she and Sam had trained a competent and hard working staff.

She sat in her Jeep in the parking lot of the last location she visited...and cried.

...

Ali paced back and forth and scolded her wife. “Ashlyn Michelle, you were supposed to stay home.”

Ashlyn tried to charm her way out of trouble and said, “Now you’re ‘middle-naming’ me, too.”

Ali didn’t smile, or laugh. She showed no sign of letting up.

“I can tell you’ve been crying.” Ali said. “Ash, you’re sick. I need to be able to trust that you can take care of yourself when I’m not around.”

Ashlyn was too tired to argue. “I’m sorry. I’m gonna go take a shower.”

“Ash...” Ali said, following after her wife. She could hear the weariness in her voice. “I’m only hard on you because I love you.”

Ashlyn kept walking toward their bedroom. 

Ali continued to try to smooth things over. “You were so sick this morning. I worry about you.”

“What do you want me to say?” Ash asked. She walked into their master bathroom and turned the water on in their shower.

Ali shrugged and answered, “I don’t know.” She reached out for her wife. Her fingers grazed Ashlyn’s cheek. “I’m scared.”

Ash’s eyes began to water. “I’m scared, too.”

“Baby, I need you to talk to me.”

Ashlyn turned the water off and leaned against the wall before replying. “I don’t even know where to start.”

“Just start with whatever you’re most scared about.” Ali answered. 

Ashlyn took a deep breath and tried her best to share what she was thinking. “I guess I’m most scared about leaving you and the kids.”

Ali was not expecting to hear her wife say that. She was expecting her work to be the most scary and stressful part of her life.

Ash continued, “Just today...” Ashlyn swallowed hard. “I was going crazy home all alone. This place is too quiet. Can you imagine what it would be like if I retire? I’ve heard of people who die right after they retire because they feel they no longer have a purpose...and their heart just gives up.”

“Ashlyn, you’re bigger than your job.” Ali replied. “You have more going on than where you work everyday.”

“Alex, it is my job to provide for you and our kids. Jamie is clearly not ready to take care of himself yet. I would prefer to retire after the twins are settled and secure.”

Ali crossed her arms and replied, “Well, it’s my job to protect you, and your stubbornness makes it nearly impossible.”

“I’m not trying to be difficult.” Ash answered. “I don’t want to fight with you about this.”

Ali, with her hands on her hips said, “We’re not going to fight about this. Ash, it’s noble for you to want to take care of our family, but the reality of our situation is that if you don't slow down you’re not going to be able to take care of anyone. Quite frankly, I’m tired of having this conversation.”

Ashlyn was tired, too.

“You act like I should just give up and walk away.” Ash replied. “You act like it’s something easy to do.”

“I know it’s not easy.” Ali argued. “But this is where we’re at. You’re getting headaches more frequenty than ever before. Your body is literally wasting away before my eyes. It might be acceptable for you to ignore it, but for me it’s not. I’ve let it go for far too long.”

Ashlyn was not happy that her wife wasn’t listening to what she was trying to say. It wasn’t something that she could just simply agree to do and suddenly everything would be okay. Ali made it sound like retirement was a switch that could be flipped and immediately her feelings, health, and life would be perfct.

Not realizing that her wife was about to snap, Ali continued. “I can’t even trust you to take care of yourself for a couple of hours. You needed to rest and instead you went to work...on your day off!”

Ashlyn brushed up against Ali as she left the bathroom and ultimately their room. 

“Where are you going?” Ali asked, feeling her anger rise up in her chest.

The twins were eavesdropping down the hall in Jamie’s room. When they heard their parents start fighting they hid to avoid things getting awkward. They were no longer worried about awkwardness. They were worried about their parents.

“I don’t think I can remember them ever fighting like this.” Bella whispered. 

Jamie nodded. He was thinking the exact same thing.

Ali followed Ashlyn down the stairs and out the front door. 

“Are you kidding me?” Ali asked in frustration. “You’re leaving. Haven’t you grown out of that phase in your life yet?”

When they were first married, Ashlyn used to always feel the need to run away from Ali when things got hard. But those days were long gone...at least that’s what Ali thought.

“I have to leave.” Ashlyn said, making no attempt to explain any further.

Ali grabbed Ashlyn’s arm in an attempt to get her to stop. Ashlyn yanked it out of her grip and said, “I have to leave, Alex.”

“No!” Ali yelled. “You have to stay and face this!”

Ash put her hands up in a position of surrender and said, “I’m trying to do the right thing, here. I need to go.”

“In what universe is you leaving your wife the right thing?” Ali said with a sarcastic fury. 

Ashlyn took a deep breath. She could feel the hard beat of her heart in her chest. She steadied herself and answered, “In this universe...” She narrowed her eyes, slowed her breathing and added, “...when my wife is giving me symptoms of a heart attack”

Ali gasped and took a step back. She literally stopped breathing. All she wanted was to protect her wife. Had she been the real reason for Ashlyn’s health problems?

Ali didn’t object when Ashlyn turned around and walked away.

...

“Do you think it’s my fault?” Jamie asked. 

Bella shook her head and answered, “Not everything’s your fault, Jame.” Her brother had a way of blaming himself for everything imaginable. 

“Maybe I’m stressing them both out. Maybe I caused them to fight.”

Bella just shook her head. She was too worried to think about anything else besides their parents. An encouraging pep talk to her anxious brother wasn’t something she could come up with at the moment.

...

Ashlyn didn’t go far, and neither did Ali. Ash sat in her Jeep in the driveway. Ali sat on their old porch swing and kept her eye on her wife, who had just addmitted to having symptoms of a heart attack. She wasn’t sure if Ash was exaggerating, so she felt she needed to watch over her. 

Ali was right when she accused Ashlyn of being stubborn. Ash wasn’t going to even think about leaving the safety of her Jeep while Ali was on the porch watching her. The woman ended up falling asleep in her car.

Ali rolled her eyes as she tapped on Ashlyn’s window. When her wife woke up it was clear that for a moment she had forgotten why she was sleeping in her Jeep. It only took a few seconds for it all to come back to her.

“You can’t stay out here.” Ali said. “I’ll leave you alone. Just come inside.”

Ashlyn purposely didn’t look at her wife.

“Ashlyn, don’t make me get the spare set of keys and drag you out.” Ali threatened.

Ash replied, “I’ll just drive away when you leave to get them.”

Ali put her palm on the window and said, “Baby, this is getting ridiculous. I’m sorry. Okay? Please just come inside.”

“I don’t feel like talking, Alex.” Ash answered. 

“Fine.” Ali replied. “I won’t make you talk. And if you decide you do want to talk, then I’ll just listen.”

Ali smiled slightly when she saw her wife’s hand grab the door handle. 

Progress.

...

“Thanks.” Bella said after Jamie carried her bag up to her dorm room. The two had just returned to their college after their short visit home.

Jamie replied, “Of course.” 

He always made sure to carry heavy things for her. It was the least he could do, he would often tell her. He said that she helped him carry his heavy burden of his anxiety and depression. He couldn’t imagine living without her.

“You okay?” 

Jamie sighed sadly and answered, “You think Mom and Mama are gonna get a divorce?”

“Never.” Bella answered. The thought had never crossed her mind. When she heard her brother’s question she started to think about the real possibility of her parents splitting up. “But I guess most people who get divorced at one time used to think that they would never break up.” Bella said, thinking out loud.

Jamie’s eyes widened and his jaw dropped. “You think they will?”

Isabella came to her senses and saw that her brother was close to freaking out. She put on a brave face and confidently said, “Never!”


	278. Over (Part Five)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a FLASHFORWARD chapter.
> 
> It's kind of long, and there's a lot in it...but I have my reasons. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy. :)

Ali carefully approached her wife. Ashlyn was in the process of waking up. She had slept in Jacob’s old room. Ali thought it was completely immature and unnecessary for them to sleep apart, but Ash was still mad at her.

“Ash...” Ali said softly, hoping that her volume would set the tone for peace. “I know you don’t want to talk to me, and I promise that I’m not trying to pressure you, but I just got off the phone with Bella and I think it’s important for us to talk.”

“Something wrong with Izzy?” Ash asked in a half grunt.

Ali did her best not to smile. She thought her wife was cute when she was just waking up and still groggy. Ali took a few steps closer and asked, “Can I sit?”

Ashlyn looked to the empty side of the bed she had slept in. Even when she was mad at her wife and sleeping in a separate bed, she left Ali’s side open. Ash nodded approval of the request and Ali sat down.

“What’s wrong with Iz?” Ash asked. 

Ashlyn noticed that Ali looked sad when she answered, “Jamie asked her if she thought we were getting a divorce.”

“What?” Ash asked through a yawn.

Ali continued, “He thought that he may have been the cause of our fighting. He blamed himself for what Bella described as the worst fight they had ever heard us have.”

Hearing Bella’s words made Ashlyn feel more guilt than she had felt in a long time.

Seeing her wife’s obvious regret, Ali asked, “Can we start over? I know I handled this the wrong way. I know I should have talked to you before I talked to anyone else. I should have been more patient. I should have been a better wife. Can we please push the reset button on this retirement talk and start fresh?”

Ashlyn’s stubborness deflated with a sigh. 

Ali knew her wife well. Without Ashlyn having to say it, she knew that the fight was over. She leaned into Ashlyn’s shoulder and closed her eyes. 

“Just so we’re clear...” Ash said. “Divorce is not an option for me.”

Ali felt tears well up in her eyes. “That’s what I told Bell.” Ali turned her face into Ashlyn’s bicep. Ash felt Ali’s lips move against her skin when she added, “I told her the same thing. It’s not an option for me either.”

“No matter how much you drive me crazy...” Ashlyn said. “...you’re stuck with me.”

...

Ali handed Ashlyn the lunch she had packed for her and said, “Remember, I’m only gonna be gone for two days. I made you meals for while I’m gone. All you have to do is heat them up.” She kissed Ash’s cheek and added, “But I know you’re probably going to go out to eat and so you can cheat on your diet, but no one will ever be able to accuse me of not taking care of you.”

Ashlyn joked and replied, “I don’t think anyone would ever dare to accuse you of that.”

Ali knew that her wife needed some time to think. She also knew that her son was in need of her help with a girl who was taking advantage of his kindness. Therefore, she planned a quick trip to visit the twins at college. She was grateful that the school as only a couple hours away. Ali figured she could kill two birds with one stone by heping Jamie and giving Ashlyn space to think.

“Baby, remember we pushed the reset button. That means that you are the one that is in the driver‘s seat. You have to share what you’re thinking.” Ali reminded. 

“I know.” Ash replied. 

“Okay...just making sure.”

Ashlyn carried Ali’s bag to her car and sent her off with a quick kiss and a sincere, “I love you.”

...

Both of the twins had early morning workouts with their soccer teams. Bella was finished before her brother and was the first to find out about their mother’s surprise visit. 

“Good morning, Isabella.” Ali smiled cheerfully. She had been waiting outside Bella’s dorm room. 

Bella led the way inside her room and while she tried to clean up the clothes that she had left on her floor, she asked, “What are you doing here?”

Ali smiled and answered, “Sweetheart, I’ve seen many messy rooms in my day. No need to worry about cleaning up.” 

“Why are you here?” Bella asked again. She wasn’t trying to be rude, but she felt that her mother’s presence was a little intrusive of her personal space. As a college student, she was used to doing what she wanted, when she wanted...outside of classes and soccer.

Ali sensed her daughter’s irritation, but she acted as if she was unaware. “I’m here to help your brother.”

Bella narrowed her eyes in suspicion, but there really wasn’t any other reason her mother would be there. She decided she needed to lighten up and said, “We usually meet up for breakfast before class.” Bella checked her phone for the time and added, “We have about 20 minutes before we need to leave.”

They spent that 20 minutes talking about Bella’s classes and Jamie’s love life.

...

Ashlyn poured her third cup of coffee since she had arrived at work. She checked all of the machines, even though she had delegated that responisibility to Sam, who she would later find out had delegated it to another employee. She filed all of her paperwork and signed all of the employees’ paychecks. 

She was desperate to find something that would take her mind off of what her wife had asked her to think about. There simply wasn’t anything urgent enough to justify her ignoring the issue.

“You okay, Ma?” Sam asked. He let himself into her office and plopped himself down on couch.

Ashlyn looked positively miserable. “I’m fine.” Ash answered. 

Samuel laughed, “Liar.” 

“Your Mom wants me to have the rest of my life planned out by the time she gets back tomorrow.” Ashlyn explained.

Sam exhaled an exaggerated sigh and said, “Good luck.”

“You know what I hate the most?” Ash asked. 

Samuel raised an eyebrow as an answer.

“She’s already figured it out for me and it’s probably better than anything I could’ve come up with...but I can’t tell her that.”

Sam laughed and said, “I don’t know if she’s got it all figured out. I don’t think it’s so simple.”

“You don’t think I’m being difficult?” Ash asked. She had gone over everything her wife had planned and though it was overwhelming, it made sense. She wondered if her stubborness and emotional state made her reject Ali’s idea from the start. Maybe she should have given Ali a chance. Or at least been more patient with her.

“Nah.” Sam replied. “You do too much and care too much just to walk away. I don’t think you could be happy doing that.”

Ashlyn found herself unconsciously nodding in agreement with him. 

Sam continued, “I support whatever you wanna do, Ma.”

Ashlyn shook her head and said, “You don’t need to support me. You need to do what’s best for you.”

“I already talked it over with Kenze. We’re ready to take more responsibility.”

“We?” Ash asked. 

One corner of Sam’s mouth curled up as he explained, “You know what I mean. She supports me in what I do.”

“Have you made a decison about the rest of your life, son?” Ashlyn asked with a smile.

Samuel inhaled sharply and answered, “Ma, I made a decision about her before we started dating. She’s the one. No question about it...She’s always been the one.”

“What about the Colorado trip? You seemed really hurt by her leaving you there.” Ashlyn asked.

Sam leaned back and sighed. He shook his head and said, “I guess I feel like maybe I was more to blame for that than I had originally thought.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well...” Sam answered, “I talked to Lex about it and she said she would have left me, too. She said I’m always showing up late and that I don’t really respect people’s schedules...” Sam trailed off, thinking about all the times he had been late in the past and feeling guilty about it.

“Bam, your sister can be a little harsh sometimes. You shouldn’t take it to heart. Besides, Mackenzie is the nicest person I have ever met, and Lexi is....” Ashlyn stopped herself from finishing her thought. She didn’t want to say anything negative about her Little Princess. “I really doubt she feels the same way as Lexi.” Ashlyn encourged. 

“I’ve been trying to do better.” Sam explained. “I just sometimes forget what’s going on. I get distracted. By the time I remember I need to be somewhere it’s too late.”

“Son, your sister has probably been waiting for the opportunity to scold you about being late since the moment you were born. I wouldn’t get too upset over it. I know you’ve been trying. You’re almost always the first person here...you’re also usually the last to leave, as well.” Ashlyn stopped what she was saying when a new thought entered her mind. 

Sam noticed. “What?” He asked. 

“I think we need to talk.”

...

The greeting that Jamie gave Ali was the polar opposite of Bella’s somehwat cold reception. Jamie had brought Bella her favorite breakfast order of coffee and a breakfast sandwich and waited at their usual table in the campus cafeteria. When he saw his mother, his face filled with a big smile. He stood from his seat and hurried to meet Ali and Bella.

“What are you doing here?” Jamie asked. It was the same question his sister had asked Ali, but sounded completely different coming out of his mouth. He was excited and happy to see his mother.

Ali squeezed her youngest child and hummed in complete joy. “I came to see you and your sister.”

Bella rolled her eyes and left the two of them to hug it out while she started eating her breakfast.

Once Ali and Jamie joined her she said, “Thanks.” 

Jamie nodded and talking about the breakfast he had bought for her, replied, “I owe ya.” 

Ali was in heaven. She loved visiting her children and watching them act so independent. Her littlest ones, as she often called them, had grown up into young adults that she could be proud of. 

But they would always be her babies. 

“Sweetheart...” Ali said, directing her attention to her son. “I want to help you follow up with that girl who has been giving you trouble.”

Jamie shrugged and said, “I don’t know what you can do. She needs a lot of help.”

Ali said with a smirk, “Honey, you do know who you’re talking to, right? I do this for a living.”

Jamie tilted his head to the side as he proccessed what his mother had just said...his mother who ran a non-profit organization that existed for the sole purpose of helping women and children in trouble. “Oh, yeah.” He replied.

“I’m gonna talk to her. I’m gonna tell her that we have a lawyer who has told us that we can get a restraining order against her, but that all any of us really want is to help her. If she really needs help, we will help her. She can move into our shelter. That will get her away from you and keep her and her son safe.”

Bella stared at her mother with a look of great admiration. “You’re a genius.” She whispered. 

She had tried to help her brother, but had gotten nowhere. Part of the problem was that Jamie didn’t want anything bad to happen to his ex or her child. His kind heart couldn’t bear it, even if she deserved to live with the consequences of her bad decisions. 

Ali met her daughter’s eyes and wanted to cry. Her daughter had been holding onto the responsibility of taking care of her brother. She wanted to protect him, but his oversized heart kept her from doing it. Somehow their mother had figured it all out. Ali could protect Jamie and help a single mother and her child all at the same time.

Ali wanted to tell Bella that no matter how independent they were, she would always be there to help them.

...

Lexi found her mother napping in her office. She had just returned with Charlie from Florida and they both stopped by for a workout and massage. Lex wanted to say hello to Ashlyn before they got started. Instead of waking her mother up she searched for her little brother. She spotted him at the front desk dealing with an upset client. She watched him be both professional and firm. She wondered when her goofy little brother had gotten so respectable and intimidating.

After the exchange she tugged on his shirt and asked, “What was that about?”

Sam was surprised to see her there. He seemed angry by whatever he had just encoutered and Lexi could still see traces of his frustration. 

Samuel answered while keeping his eyes on the man he had just kicked out. “He was harassing one of our employees.”

“Aww...” Lexi gushed. “...you’re such a good boss.”

Sam didn’t budge in his mood. He stared daggers at the dismissed client until the man finally left the building. 

“Hey.” Lexi said, waving her hand in front of her brother’s face. When she had gotten his attention she asked, “What’s going on with Mama? She’s sleeping in her office.”

Sam let out a long breath to try and release his tension and said, “I can’t talk now.” He wanted to talk to the employee that had been bothered by the man. 

“Just tell me about Mama and I’ll leave you alone.”

“She’s trying to relax.” He asnwered. 

“Why does she need to relax? Is she sick?”

Samuel rolled his eyes and answered, “Lex, I can’t handle you right now.” He took a deep breath and quickly explained. “Mom is making her figure out her retirement stuff while she’s away visiting the twins.”

“Why is Mom visiting the twins?” Lexi asked, interrupting him.

Sam put his hand over her mouth and said, “Shut up, dummy. I’m trying to tell you something.”

Lexi put her hands up in surrender and let him continue.

“Anyway, we’ve got it figured out. Part of it means she needs to relax more. So...she’s relaxing.”

Lexi rolled her eyes. “That explains nothing.” 

“Lex, I can’t be more clear.”

Lexi huffed, “You’re an idiot.”

...

Ashlyn left work early. Part of her and Sam’s plan involved her working less hours while overseeing the business. Samuel convinced her that she could trust him to handle the day to day things, but if something came up he promised he wouldn’t hesitate to ask for help. 

Ashlyn didn’t know what to do with herself. Her wife was gone. Her kids were all busy being productive adults. The house was empty. She encountered the very things she was afraid of...lonliness and insignificance.

...

Jamie read a message on his phone and slid it across the table for his sister to read. Bella pursed her lips, narrowed her eyes, and started to type an angry repsonse when her brother took the phone out of her hands. 

“You need to tell her off.” Bella whispered. 

Ali heard her daughter, but couldn’t quite make out what she said. “Hmm? What was that, Sweetheart?”

“Bell, wants to be mean.” Jamie answerd. He let his mother read the words that had upset his sister.

The text read, “I can’t believe you had to get your Mom involved. That’s even more pathetic than having your sister call me.”

The message was from Jamie’s ex-girlfriend. Ali had called her after breakfast and told her very matter of factly, that Jamie wasn’t interested in pursuing a relationship with her and if she truly needed help she could get it through her. She made it clear that her son was not her personal ATM and that if she continued to harrass him they would take legal measures to stop her.

“Did you call her?” Ali asked Bella. Jamie’s face was bright red from embarrassment.

Bella shrugged nonchalantly and answered, “Yeah.” She nodded to her brother and added, “He didn’t ask me to. I just did it because she was pissing me off. I stole his phone while he was at practice and cussed her out.”

Ali held back a smile and faked disappointment when she said, “That’s not very nice, Isabella.” She always loved the way the twins took care of one another, even though it often ended up getting them both into trouble. “You need to ignore her.” Ali added. “Both of you.”

...

On her way home from visiting the twins, Ali stopped at a grocery store to pick up a few things that she knew they needed. When she got home, she put away the groceries and noticed that the refrigerator was still filled with the meals she had prepared for her wife before she left.

After unpacking her suitcase from her short trip, she decided to give her wife a surprise visit at work. Ali walked into Ashlyn’s office just as Sam had cracked a joke. Both he and her wife were laughing. 

“Am I unterrupting?” Ali asked with a smirk.

Ashlyn sprung up to her feet and greeted her wife with a kiss. “Not at all.” She answered . “How are the twins?’

“I think we got everything handled.” Ali answered. She looked to Sam and gave him a motherly guilt-trip stare. 

He sat on the couch with his legs propped up on the edge of Ashlyn’s desk. When he saw the look his mother gave him he jumped to his feet and said, “Sorry.” He gave her a hug and a kiss...just like he had been taught to do from when he was little.

“That’s better.” Ali said with a smile. She pulled him in close for another hug and then asked him, “Can you tell me why your Mama hasn’t eaten any of the food that I made for her?” 

Sam looked from Ali to Ashlyn. He didn’t want to get anyone in trouble. 

“Nothing?” Ali asked. “You’re not gonna tell me anything?”

“Ma...” Sam started to say, but stopped. 

Ashlyn saved him. “Babe, Sam has no idea what I have or haven’t eaten.”

“Did you go out to eat?” Ali asked. 

Ashlyn bit the inside of her cheek nervously.

Ali didn’t wait for an answer. “Samuel, will you please excuse us for a few minutes?” Ali asked, although it wasn’t so much a question as it was an order.

Sam glanced at Ashlyn, looking for a hint of what he should do. Ashlyn nodded. He walked quietly out of the office and closed the door behind him.

“Ashlyn, it is not healthy for you to skip meals.” Ali said. She wasn’t angry. She wasn’t scolding. She was just trying to be a good wife.

Ashlyn answered with a shrug, “I wasn’t hungry.”

Ali made a decision, right then and there, to let it go. She pulled her wife into a hug and said, “I worry about you.”

“I know.” Ashlyn said thoughtfully in a whisper.

Ali led her wife by the hand to the couch and they both sat down. “You doing okay?” Ali asked.

Ashlyn answered, “Who cares about me? What’s going on with Jamie?”

“Our sweet boy is fine. I took care of it.” Ali answered. 

“I had no doubts.” 

Ali squeezed her wife’s thigh and said, “There are other things we need to talk about.”

Ashlyn leaned back and put her hands behind her head in a posture that looked to be relaxed. However, she was nowhere near relaxed. 

“Remember when the doctor started Jamie on his depression medication?” Ashlyn asked. 

Ali thought about pinching her wife as a punishment for avoiding the subject, but she held back. 

Ashlyn continued, “At first the side effects were worse than the diagnosis.” Ash shook her head and said in frustration, “Why would anyone sign off on a medication that can cause depressed people to feel suicidal?”

Ali nodded along, remembering how hard it was to help Jamie at that time in his life.

Ashlyn added, “Remember how the doctor said it wasn’t something that could be figured out without trial and error? The trial and error period was the worst. It was so hard. We questioned whether we were doing the right thing for our son.”

Ali gently tapped on her wife’s leg, knowing that Ash was going somewhere, but needing her to get there faster.

Ash let out a long, heavy breath and explained, “I think this whole retirement thing is gonna be like when Jamie went on that medication. It will take time to get the dosage just right.”

“Dosage?” Ali asked. “Retirement dosage? What is that?”

Ashlyn sat up and turned more toward her wife to make sure she knew she was taking this seriously. She wasn’t ignoring it, avoiding it, or blowing it off. She was doing exactly what Ali had asked her to do. 

“Alex, ‘not working’ isn’t an option for me right now.” 

Ali wanted to jump in with an argument. She felt that ‘working’ wasn’t an option either. 

Before Ali could argue, Ashlyn continued, “I need you to trust me. This isn’t about the business.”

Ali didn’t understand. “What do you mean? If it’s not the business that’s keeping you here in an unhealthy situation, then what is it?” She asked.

Ashlyn stood to her feet. She needed some space. She felt nervous for some reason. Ali was the person who she trusted most in the world, and she was suddenly afraid to talk to her. 

“Ash...what is it?” Ali asked carefully.

Ashlyn felt that she was about to admit a weakness, a crack in her character and strength.

She rubbed the back of her neck and chewed her bottom lip as she tried to speak her mind. 

“Ash, just say it.”

Ashlyn cleared her throat and stalled a little longer before replying. “As of yesterday, Sam is in charge of everything.”

“What?” Ali asked. “Ashlyn, I didn’t mean for you to...”

“I went home early...” Ashlyn said. She didn’t want to get distracted. She had to share her feelings now before she lost her courage. “Yesterday we discussed the future of the company and I went home early. I told him to call me if he needed anything.”

Ali leaned in toward her wife, wanting to catch every detail of what she was telling her. It sounded like she was about to get everything she wanted. She wanted Sam to take over. She wanted Ashlyn to take it easy. Could it really be possible that her wife made it happen in the two days that she was gone?

“I went home. Sat by myself. Listened to the complete silence that was in our house. I stared at my phone...” Ashlyn listed what it was like for her to be unemployed. “Sam didn’t call. He didn’t need me. All this time I felt like I had to work. I felt like I was needed, ya know? Maybe even important.” Ashlyn’s head dropped and she shared what she was really feeling, “Yesterday, I felt so...so...worthless.”

Ali felt her heart drop. She watched as her wife tried to put on a strong face, but she saw right through it.

“I know that physically I have to slow down.” Ashlyn said. “I know that my heart probably can’t keep this pace. I know that my stress levels are out of control and my body can’t do what it used to be able to do. And more importantly, I know that you’re worried and that you really want me to retire...But I don’t know if mentally and emotionally I can handle it.”

Ashlyn wiped away a small tear that had found it’s way down her cheek and asked, “Alex, if I’m not strong enough to work and I’m not strong enough to stop working? How do I fix this?”

Ali stood to her feet and wrapped her arms around Ash. She finally understood. “So, we need to adjust the dosage.” Ali said. She kissed Ashlyn’s cheek and added, “I trust you. Do it however you need to do it.”

Ashlyn pressed her face into Ali’s neck and stood quietly as they held each other. As Ali whispered, “I love you” the women were interruppted by a knock on the door. 

“Sorry.” Sam said. “But Lex said Iz called and some crazy girl attacked Jame.”

Both Ashlyn and Ali exclaimed at the same time. “What?!!” 

...

“You both need to relax.” Jake said. He drove both of his mothers, along with Sam and Lexi to the hospital where Jamie was being treated. “Rachel talked to his doctor. He’s gonna be fine.”

“Bella said that she attacked him in front of her child. Can you believe that? What kind of a mother would do that?” Lexi said. Thinking of her baby on the way, she mindlessly covered her stomach with her hand.

Lex was not helping to keep their parents relaxed. Jacob gave her a dirty look in the rearview mirror. Lexi picked up on his disatisfaction. 

“I mean, he’s fine.” Lex said. “The police have her in custody. Everything’s fine.”

Sam had been quiet most of the trip. He knew that everyone was worried and he didn’t want to make things worse for his parents. He couldn’t find anything to say that would make the situation better, so he didn’t say anything at all. 

After they had arrived at the hospital and had found Bella, they were reassured that Jamie was okay. Ali and Ashlyn spoke to spent some time alone in Jamie’s room with the police officer.

With all of the siblings present, minus Jamie, Sam finally spoke up, “What’s gonna happen to the kid?”

Lexi felt guilty for not thinking about it until now. Bella answered, “That’s exactly what Jamie asked. He’s in protective custody now. He’ll probably go to a foster home. I don’t know how she could possibly be considered fit to be a mother. He’s the system’s problem now. Probably the best thing for him.”

Bella said it so flippantly that it seemed she had forgotten her own siblings’ background. Jacob, Lexi, and Sam were all foster kids at some point in their lives.

Jake remembered their birth parents better than the others. Their biological mother had a lot of problems, but he still wished he could have saved her from the violence that took her life. His calm demeanor was slowly changing into a simmering anger. His youngest sister had no clue what she was talking about.

“People need help.” He said, sounding calm. “Especially when they’re young. They make mistakes, but it doesn’t mean they’re all bad.”

“Tell that to Benny.” Bella replied. She didn’t catch on to her brother’s inward boiling.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He asked with a bit of bite in his tone.

Bella didn’t understand what was upsetting him so she continued, “His parents...They were horrible. He’s much better with you and Rachel.”

Her words were true. There was no doubt about it, but she didn’t seem to understand that when dealing with imperfect people and imperfect families there was always a grey area. There was always room to grow and the potential to get better. Giving up on people when they made mistakes wasn’t always the answer. Of course, there was no time for Jake to try and explain that to his little sister. Besides, some things you can’t learn from a conversation anyway.

“Yes. He is better off with us, but his parents clearly didn’t care for him the way they should. We don’t know anything about this woman regarding how much she loves her son.” Jacob replied. He felt his anger begin to subside when he saw that his sister had taken his words to heart.

“Hmm...” She hummed. “Maybe she did all of this because she felt like she didn’t have any other options to help him.”

Bella thought about it and changed her mind. “No...she’s just crazy.”

Inside Jamie’s room was a police officer and his parents. Jamie had been hit in the back of the head and had lost a lot of blood, which was normal for a head wound. With the level of difficulty Jamie was having answering questions, it was clear that he had a bad concussion.

He held onto Ali’s hand and begged her to let him go to sleep.

“Mom, please...”

The officer tried to assure him that he only had a few more questions, but the college student sounded like a little boy when he whined, “Please let me stop, Mom.”

Both of his mothers’ hearts melted. 

Ali looked to Ashlyn. She really wanted to ask the police officer to give her son a break, but she didn’t know if she should ask.

“Maybe we should give him a few minutes.” Ashlyn suggested. “He obviously isn’t up to it.”

The man let out a long, impatient sigh before answering. “Listen, I’m gonna level with you. He was struck from behind. We have his attacker in custody, but unless we can get a statement from him then we can’t charge her...and if we can’t charge her, then we can’t keep her.”

“Ash, get Bella.” Ali said. “Bella was there.”

“According to your daughter...” The man replied. “...she wasn’t there until after it happened.” 

Ali turned her attention to her son and squeezed his hand in support. “Sweetheart, can you try to answer a couple more questions?”

Jamie turned his head slightly, but felt like a rush of pressure and confusion filled his skull. His eyes were unfocused and scared. “I’ll try.” He said softly. 

Ali kissed his head and whispered, “Thank you, my sweet boy.”

Ashlyn, the queen of concussions, had had enough. “Why can’t you let him rest?” She asked. “How can any answer he gives you in this state be considered acceptable?”

“Ashlyn, he’s trying to help.” Ali said, trying to get her wife to not make an enemy of the man who’s job it was to help their son stay safe.

Jamie groaned and before he could say, “I feel sick,” he turned his head and threw up on his shoulder and bed. That was all the officer needed to see to get the message. 

“I’ll give you all some time.” He said as he put his pen and notebook away and left the room.

“Sorry.” Jamie said, feeling guilty that he couldn’t control his bodily functions.

Ali reassured him that it was fine. She was his mother and over the years she had seen plenty of vomit from her children. Ashlyn pushed the button that alerted the nurses that they needed help. She poked her head out the door and got Lexi’s attention. 

“Can you go to the gift shop and get a toothbrush, toothpaste, and whatever minty thing you can find?” 

Bella got worried and asked, “Why? What happened?” 

“Your brother threw up.” Ash answered. “He’ll be okay.”

“He seemed fine earlier.” Bella replied. She wasn’t usually the anxious twin, but she couldn’t help but worry.

“He’s having a hard time.” Ash answered. “You can sit with him if you want.” Ashlyn put her arm around Bella’s shoulders and comforted her as she watched her brother struggle.

A nurse soon came in and helped him take off his shirt and wash up. Every movement was slow for his sake. Bella eyes started to water when she saw the blood on the back of his shirt that had been hidden until now. Ashlyn held her daughter’s trembling body in her arms until she calmed down. 

“I hate seeing him like this.” She said. She was known for making light of Jamie’s struggles, but she was always his biggest supporter. More often than not she teased him to try to lighten the mood and loosen him up. 

In typical twin fashion, if Jamie was hurting, so was she.

“Me too.” Ash replied. “He’s gonna be okay.”

Bella peaked over Ashlyn’s shoulder and felt a wave of guilt wash over her. She whispered, “It’s all my fault.” 

“No, it’s not.” Ash replied.

She pulled Ashlyn out of the room and through tears explained, “He went there to meet me. I was late. Maybe if I was there this wouldn’t have happened.”

Her brothers were still waiting outside the room and perked up when they saw their little sister crying. Sam started towards the women to find out who made her cry and where the person was for him to beat up. Jacob, the more level headed of the two, grabbed him by the arm and held him back. 

“Just wait.” Jake said quietly. 

As they watched the conversation unfold, Lexi came back from the gift shop and pestered them to explain what was happening. Finally, Sam said in frustration, “Shut up, dummy. We’re trying to eavesdrop.”

Lexi rolled her eyes and left her two brothers behind. She held up the bag of items that Ashlyn had asked her to get and said, “I got everything.” She pretended to just notice that her little sister was upset and added, “Oh, no. What’s wrong?”

Ashlyn and Bella explained everything, causing Lexi to raise an eyebrow of satisfaction in the direction of her brothers. “Stupid boys.” She thought to herself. She switched gears and focused on her sister that was hurting. “Look...” She said. “...you are not to blame for someone else’s actions. According to the police, that woman has some emotional problems and has been off of her medication for a while.”

“How did you find that out?” Ashlyn asked.

Lexi kept herself from rolling her eyes at her dear mother when she answered, “Mama, I’m a lawyer.”

...

The next morning Jamie was feeling well enough to give a statement to the police. He was struck from behind by his ex-girlfriend. He didn’t know what had hit him, but police found a large rock with blood on it and were confident that it was the weapon she used. 

The women knew his daily routine of meeting his sister for a jog between classes. Bella loved running, but hated doing it on the school track. She said it was too boring and monotonous. Jamie volunteered to run with her everyday in an ironic attempt to keep her safe. Neither of them would have guessed that he would have been the one to be attacked. 

Bella arrived at the scene a few moments after Jamie had fallen unconscious from the blow. She called the police and tried to settle herself down, along with the 3 year old son of the woman who had fled and left him behind. Campus security was able to catch her quickly and they turned her over to the police, who had soon arrived at the scene of the crime.

Jamie and Bella left in an ambulance and the mother and child left in a police vehicle.

After a short nap, Jamie tried to sit up. The action was a little comical compared to the worry he had put his family through the day before. He sat up. Threw his covers off of him and started to get out of bed. 

“Sweetheart, what are you doing?” Ali asked. She had been reading a book while sitting in a chair next to his bed. 

“I have to go.” He said. His bare feet hit the cold floor, causing both of his parents to stand from their seats and go to his side. 

“Honey...” Ali said. “You have to stay here and rest.”

Ashlyn gently led him back to his bed by giving him a light push on his shoulders.

“Mama, no.” He said. He sounded like he was getting confused again.

“Jame, it’s okay. You just need to rest and you’ll start feeling better.” Ashlyn replied.

Jamie laid back down and touched the thick bandage on his head and asked, “Why do I have to rest?”

“Do you remember what happened?” Ash asked. 

His hand reached for his bandage again and he remembered. “Oh, yeah.” He said out loud, but more to himself than anyone else. “I can’t stay here, though.” He added as he started to come to his senses. He sat up again and before he could get out of bed Ashlyn gently guided him back down.

“Yes, you can.” Ali replied. “The doctor wants you to stay.”

Jamie’s eyes squinted, not because of head pain but because he was trying to think deeply through his confusion filled brain. Once he had focused, a small smile crossed his face when he asked, “Does that mean I don’t have to take my final exams?”

Ashlyn laughed and told Ali, “I think he’s gonna be fine.”


	279. Over (Part Six)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a FLASHFORWARD chapter.
> 
> This is a prompt request.

Ashlyn, Ali, and Sam were the only family members who stayed the night with Jamie. Bella argued with Ali about staying at the hospital with her brother, but her mother insisted she go to her dorm room and get a good night sleep. Not only did she have class the following morning, but also a big exam. 

Jamie had exams this week too, but his doctor wanted him to stay hospitalized until the swelling in his brain got to a level he felt more comfortable with. Bella promised him she would return as soon as her classes were over.

It was around 10:00 am when he got his first visitor. Technically he got 2 visitors. Mackenzie had brought her and Sam’s dog, Bailey, along with her. She let the dog run free once she had entered the room. Samuel was lying on the floor, asleep. He found a spot out of the way, along the back wall of the room. He used one of his shoes as a pillow. 

Bailey ran right to him and woke him up with her tongue covering his face with happy dog kisses. After giving each of Sam’s parents a hug and seeing that Jamie was asleep, she joined Bailey in greeting her favorite person. 

“Hey.” She whispered. 

Mackenzie was very aware that they were being watched. She could see Ali, sitting next to Jamie, holding his hand, and smiling like an idiot at the interaction between her and Sam.

Samuel smiled and asked, “I thought I wasn’t gonna see you until tonight.”

Kenzie shrugged and said, “Our little girl stood at attention all night at the front door waiting for you to come home. She cried the whole time. When I mentioned your name and asked her if she wanted to visit you, she barked and wagged her tail. So...I’m assuming she understood me and that she missed her daddy.”

Samuel gave his dog a kiss and asked, “How’d you get her in here.”

Mackenzie closed her eyes and put her head down in shame. “I lied.”

“What?” Sam asked with a smile. 

“I told the hospital that she was a therapy dog.”

Sam asked, “You lied? Seriously?”

Mackenzie wasn’t a liar. She not only had a super sensitive conscience, but she also had the worst poker face.

“I felt so bad I started crying.” She answered. “It kind of supported the lie. Every time they asked me a question, I cried more. Bailey, being the amazing dog that she is, came to my side and tried to comfort me...which also supported my lie.” She stuck out her bottom lip and added, “I feel terrible.”

Samuel and his parents laughed. He sat up and moved closer to the wall and signaled for her to sit next to him. She exhaled loudly and laughed at herself. As she leaned into Sam’s side and gave Bailey a pat on the head, she felt that her deceitful ways had been worth it.

“I can’t believe you used a shoe as a pillow.” Mackenzie whispered. 

Sam was about to make a joke about where he would have preferred to have rested his head, when Jamie’s voice broke into the quiet room.

“Mom.” He said weakly. 

Ali had been watching Sam and Mackenzie’s sweet reunion when he called for her. She hadn’t realized he had woken up. 

“Yes, Sweetheart.” Ali answered. Everyone’s attention was on him. 

“Where’s Bell?” He asked. He had forgotten why his sister wasn’t there.

Ali leaned in and held tight to his hand when she answered, “She’s at school.”

“Oh, yeah.” He replied, remembering about their college classes. 

He closed his eyes, making it seem to everyone that he was going to fall back to sleep. Several times since being hospitalized, Jamie had fallen asleep almost immediately after waking up. So no one was surprised when he appeared to have done it again, but a couple of seconds later he asked, “Mom, do you think with the concussion my brain is bigger than Bell’s now?”

The entire room filled with laughter. Ali was the only one to keep a straight face. “Honey, I wouldn’t be surprised if it was bigger before the concussion.”

Jamie sighed in contentment and said, “Next time I see her I’m gonna tell her my brain is bigger.”

“Okay, baby...” Ali agreed. She thought her youngest child was a very cute concussed patient. This time when Jamie closed his eyes, he really did fall back to sleep.

...

Samuel and Mackenzie had left the hospital to have a little alone time and pick up some lunch for the family. When they returned Ashlyn was pacing the hallway outside Jamie’s room while talking on the phone.

Once inside the hospital room, Sam and Kenzie handed out the food to Ali and Jamie. Samuel held the cheeseburger he had bought for Ashlyn and asked, “Who’s Ma talking to?” 

“Work.” Ali answered with an eye roll. “Who else would take her attention from her family?” 

Without a word, Samuel left the room. Ali and Kenzie shared a shrug of confusion. 

Samuel smiled when he handed his mother her cheeseburger. She held up a finger as a way of saying she was busy and needed to wait to eat. Sam waited a moment, but then shook his head and took her phone from her. 

Ashlyn was confused and a little upset. She changed her attitude as soon as she heard what he said to the person on the phone. 

“Hey, this is Sam. I don’t know if my mother told you, but I’m running things now. Is this something that can wait until we get back?” 

It took a moment for an answer. He smiled and said, “Thank you. I appreciate that. I’ll be calling you soon.”

And just like that the call was over.

“Ma...” Sam said. “...you don’t need to be dealing with this kind of stuff anymore. And not everything is urgent. That was a minor employee issue. Mom needs you to focus on family stuff right now.”

Samuel wasn’t the type to give lectures. Ashlyn knew he was right, but it was still hard to hear. It made her feel like she was failing both work and family.

Sam added, “I got you that because I knew Mom wouldn’t say anything.” He nodded toward the greasy cheeseburger in his mother’s hand. It was clearly against her strict diet.

Ashlyn nodded thanks and made her way back into the room. She didn’t feel like talking.

Bailey was asleep in Jamie’s lap. She had had a rough night waiting up for Samuel to get home. She was so worn out that the smell of junk food couldn’t pull her out of her doggy dream. 

Ali loved watching Jamie eat with the dog cuddled up in his bed. It seemed like things were starting to feel more normal. Samuel and Mackenzie talked about their adventure getting the food. Apparently there was a woman who was a little too flirty with Sam in Kenzie’s opinion. Ali was laughing along as Sam teased his girlfriend when she noticed her wife. Ashlyn wasn’t laughing. She wasn’t smiling. She wasn’t eating. It didn’t get by Ali that her son had bought junk food. She knew that he got it as a little treat for his Mama, but Ashlyn didn’t seem to be interested.

Ali gave Jamie a kiss on the cheek, as if he needed to know that even though she was moving a few feet away that she still loved him and was there to support him. She didn’t sit in any of the other empty chairs in the room, instead she sat in her wife’s lap. 

Ashlyn knew exacty what her wife was up to. “I’m fine.” She mumbled quietly.

Mackenzie was still sharing a story and neither Ali or Ash wanted to let on that they were no longer listening. Ali leaned back and pulled both of Ashlyn’s arms around her waist. She made her wife hold her in place. She covered Ashlyn’s hands with her own and leaned back into her. Nonchalantly she turned her head and whispered, “I love you.”

Ashlyn nodded as an acceptance of Ali’s comfort, as well as a sign of acknowledgement that Ali had read the situation correctly. Now was the time to focus on Jamie, but there was more going on and Ali made sure her wife knew that she not only noticed, but that she was there to support her too.

...

“My wife told me something interesting about you.” Jacob said. He had invited his sister to join him and his foster son for lunch. With little Benny holding tight to his neck he added, “I tried to get Sam to confirm, but he wouldn’t crack.”

Benny corrected Jake, “Uncle Sammy.”

“Uncle Sammy.” Jacob replied, remembering the trip to his mother’s gym that the two of them had taken to see Sam. Benjamin kept correcting both Ashlyn and Jake about Sam’s name. To him, Samuel was Uncle Sammy. There was no wiggle room.

Lexi eyed her big brother carefully before asking, “What are you talking about?”

Benny was a very affectionate little boy. He had never experienced tender care until he was placed with Jake and Rachel. Whenever they were around he couldn’t help but show them how much he loved them. Rachel told her husband that she wondered if he thought that he might have to go back to his old life where he was neglected. She wondered if he wanted to get as many hugs and kisses as he could before he was taken away from them. At the moment he was kissing Jacob’s face with uncoordinated lips that led more with his nose than anything else. 

Lex’s eyes started to water. She imagined her own child loving her as much as Ben already loved Jacob.

After giving his foster son an encouraging squeeze, Jake answered bluntly, “She thinks you’re with child.”

“With child...” Lexi laughed. “Who says that?” 

Jake shrugged and said sarcastically, “I told her that there was no way that my little sister, the first girl I ever loved, would go and do something like that without letting her big brother know.”

Lexi’s eyes widened. She didn’t think he would be upset. “I um...” Her face turned bright red as she became more and more flustered. She rubbed her stomach and said, “I didn’t want to say anything until later.”

Jacob laughed at her and said with a big smile, “I knew it!”

“Hey!” Lexi exclaimed. She threw a cloth napkin at him and said, “You tricked me. I felt bad.”

“It’s all good. I get why you would think it was better to wait.” Jacob replied. “Rachel and I are very happy for you.”

“Thanks.” Lex replied.

Jake helped Benny take a sip of his water before asking, “When are you gonna tell everyone?”

“We were thinking Christmas.” Lex answered. “Since our little one feels like such a gift to us, we thought it’d be perfect.”

Lexi pointed her straw at Benjamin and asked, “What about him? You think you might get to adopt him?” 

Benny had no idea what they were talking about so Jacob felt comfortable to answer freely. 

“I think it’s definitely a possibility. I don’t see anyone fighting us about it....” He gave his foster son a sloppy, wet raspberry kiss on the cheek that made the little guy giggle before he added, “...and we sure would love to do it!”

Lex replied with a smile, “Good, because he’s already one of my most favorite people ever!”

...

“Bell’s here.” Jamie announced. He straightened himself up and pushed the button that made the bed incline to a sitting position.

“Is that your twin senses kicking in?” Sam asked with a smirk. “Can you feel her presence?” He added sarcastically.

Jamie answered, “First off, it’s not a sense...it’s a superpower. Second, I know she’s here because she just texted me and told me.”

Ali kissed the top of Jamie’s hand and said, “I’m gonna take my wife for a walk.”

Ashlyn had been abruptly woken up when Jamie moved the bed upward. She was leaning against the side of it and had fallen asleep when Ali tried to help their son study for his finals. 

Ali winked at Ashlyn and then asked Sam and Mackenzie, “You two can stay a little longer?” 

“Yeee-up.” Samuel answered. 

Ali wanted to make sure that her two youngest children had someone with them while she was gone. “We’ll be back soon.” Ali added. She held out her hand toward Ashlyn and after taking it led her out the door.

“Al...” Ashlyn said, wondering what her wife was up to. It wasn’t like Ali to leave Jamie’s side since they had gotten there. “...what are you doing?”

“Is it so strange that I would want to go for a walk with my beautiful wife?” She asked. 

Ashlyn’s answer was short and definitive. “Yes.”

“Ashlyn, it is not!” Ali argued after a playful poke in Ash’s side. 

Ash explained, “When our child is in a hospital bed...it’s strange.”

“Okay, I see your point.” Ali replied. She pushed the button on the elevator that would take them to the hospital cafeteria. “But Sammy’s there and Bella will soon be there. Our baby isn’t alone.”

When the elevator had arrived at the chosen floor, Ali paused. Ash took a step forward but was met by her wife’s arm blocking her. “You know what?” Ali asked. “Let’s take a real walk. The fresh air will do us some good.”

It ended up being too cold for a traditional walk. Ali had Ashlyn drive her to a coffee shop nearby. Over an espresso for each she said, “How are you feeling?” 

Ashlyn shrugged and answered, “About what?”

Ali returned Ash’s shrug and said, “Pick something.”

Ashlyn laughed. It was true. She had a lot to think about. She had a lot of emotions that had been battling for her attention. Jamie’s health of course came first, but once the doctor gave the g ahead to stop worrying about his immediate health, everything else came rushing back.

“Why is this so easy for you?” Ashlyn asked. She shook her head, feeling disgusted with herself. “You’ve been away from work just as long as I have and all I can think about is why haven’t they missed me yet?”

“You told me that Samuel told them not to call.” Ali answered. “Right?”

“Yeah...I guess.” Ashlyn answered, still feeling like that wasn’t enough of a reason. She had worked day and night for years to build, maintain, and grow a successful franchise. Why did it feel that her presence was so unnecessary?

“He’s the new boss now, right? Everyone knows that?” Ali asked. Not so much to get information, but to lead her wife to a conclusion.

“Yeah.”

Ali tilted her head to the side and smiled. Ashlyn didn’t need any words from her wife to know what she was thinking.

“Yeah, but he’s here too. Is what I did really that insignificant?”

Ali rolled her eyes. She couldn’t help it. Her wife was being absurd.

“Do you really believe that?” Ali asked. “Do you think a successful franchise just happens on it’s own?”

Ashlyn shrugged.

“Do you think that I sacrificed having my wife home at a decent hour for all of those years for nothing?” Ali asked rhetorically. “Did I watch you sacrifice your health in vain?”

Ash shrugged again.

“Your employees aren’t calling because Sam...their new boss...told them not to. He told them that he would meet with them this afternoon once he got back home. He told them not to call you, specifically, because that’s his job now AND because we’re dealing with a family matter. You hired the right guy.”

This time when Ashlyn shrugged she gave her wife an answer along with it. “WE hired the right guy.” She said, emphasizing that it wasn’t just her business. It belonged to both of them.

Ali’s face wore a small smile when she repeated, “WE hired the right guy.” Ali had her hand around the mug that held her coffee. She stretched her pinky out just enough to graze the top of her wife’s hand. “I can take it from here, Ash. If you wanna go home and check on things...we’ll be okay.”

Ashlyn really did want to go home and check on their business, but in that moment when she saw her wife looking at her with more kindess and understanding than she felt she deserved, things started to get a little less confusing.

The former goalkeeper slapped her palm against the table in a gesture of confidence. She replied to her wife’s offer, “You know what I want more than anything?”

“What’s that, Baby?” Ali asked with a quiet chuckle. She had watched her wife’s face completely change from a pained and overwelmed expression to what looked like a resolute, hopeful conviction. 

“I want pie.” 

Ali couldn’t contain her laughter. “What are you talking about?”

“I’m gonna buy some pie.” Ashlyn answered. “Jamie likes pie....Izzy likes pie...you like pie.” She shrugged her shoulders and added, “I like pie.”

“Okay, it was funny at first. But now I’m worried.” Ali replied. Her wife’s demeanor had completely changed. Had all of the stress finally made her crack?

Ali watched her wife fold her hands together and place them in front of her on the table they shared. She sighed and in a soft, serious voice said, “It might sound strange, but you just brought me an unexplainable sense of calm.”

“What do you mean?” Ali asked. She leaned it closer.

Ashlyn answered, “I just told you it’s unexplainable.”

Ali held back a desire to jokingly threaten her wife to tell her what she wanted to know. She asked softly, but firmly, “Try.”

“I don’t know.” Ash replied. “I’m thinking about everything...all my feelings felt like a tornado swirling around in my head...and then you’re sitting there, telling me that we’ll be okay...and that if I need to go...we’ll be okay...”

Ali nodded along, but really wasn’t sure where her wife’s thoughts were leading. 

“I guess...” Ash continued. “...something just clicked. I can’t make any promises about tomorrow.” She corrected herself, “Actually, I probably can’t even make a promise about 10 minutes from now, but what I mean is, I feel like right now my place really is with you and Jamie.”

It sounded simple to Ali. She could have told her that, and she DID tell her that, but for some reason her wife finally accepted it as the truth.

Ash added, “Even though I know that Jame is safe and that you’re perfectly capable of taking care of him, I feel like I need to do this...” Ali smiled when Ash added, “I need to do this for me.”

...

“Aren’t you supposed to be at work?” Lexi asked in a scolding tone. 

Samuel had interrupted her work day at her office. After leaving the hospital, Samuel dropped off Mackenzie and Bailey at a dog park near Lexi’s work. 

“I am working.” Sam answered with cocky grin.

Lexi, though seated, put her hands on her hips and lectured, “You are supposed to be taking care of things so that our mother can rest and not worry about things. You can’t be slacking off.”

Sam’s grin grew wider. 

“You’re horrible.” Lex added.

Samuel was sitting in a chair in front of Lexi’s desk. He leaned back and propped his feet up on her desk, knocking over her favorite picture of Charlie. He did it on purpose. His sister hated when he put his feet up on her desk.

As she moved the photo she asked, “Why are you such a jerk?”

Sam laughed and answered, “Because it’s so much fun.”

Lex tried not to smile. 

Samuel put his feet down and straightened up. “I wanted to talk to you about business stuff. I would really like you to help me set up a few things that will hopefully be profitable in the long run, but more importantly, will make things easier for everybody.”

Lexi let her smile show when she answered, “I can help with whatever you need...” In an attempt to make sure her brother didn’t get too smug she added, “...idiot.”

...

After pie and watching Bella and Jamie play a very spirited game of go fish, Ali playfully kicked her wife and whispered, “How ya feeling?”

Ash shrugged. 

A shrug seemed to be her choice of communication lately.

“Ash...” Ali said, insisting that her wife open up.

The former goalkeeper nodded in the twins’ direction and said, “I love watching them.”

Ali followed her wife’s eyeline and saw their youngest children laughing together. Their smiles lit up the room.

“They’re good kids.” Ali replied. “They get their sense of humor from you.”

Ashlyn smiled thinking about all the trouble they had gotten into together. Her wife always tried to be tough and stern when disciplining them, but she always struggled. Their behavior of pranks and mischief was certainly passed on from her side of the family.

“So...” Ali said, wanting to get serious. “...what are you thinking about doing now that Jamie is getting released tomorrow?”

Ashlyn held her breath, nervous that she might say the wrong thing. What did Ali expect? What was the correct answer? Was there a wrong answer?

Ali saved her wife from having to figure out what to say. “I was thinking that I could stay here with them...” She gestured toward their kids. “...and just make sure he’s okay. I can get a hotel room and have him stay with me. You can go home and make sure everything is okay there.”

“Should I stay too?” Ash asked, still unsure of what the right thing to do was.

“I don’t think that’s necessary.” Ali answered. She quickly added, “You can if you want, though.”

Ali could see the internal struggle that her wife was having and said, “Ashlyn, seriously...if anything I am being too protective. The twins are gonna tell me I’m crazy. You want to go home...and that is a perfectly acceptable thing for you to do.”

“I would rather you go with me.” Ash replied. “Our house is too big.”

Ali kissed her wife’s cheek and said, “It won’t be long. I promise.”

Ali kept her promise. Ashlyn only had to deal with her wife’s absence for 2 days. The twins were doing just fine on their own. Bella assured her parents that she wouldn’t let anything happen to Jamie for the remainder of the semester. Since there was less than a week left, Ali believed her.

When Ali returned home to her wife she noticed that their house was uncharacteristically clean. Usually when she left Ashlyn home alone it meant that there would be dishes in the sink and laundry waiting for her. Not only did Ash finish the laundry and dishes, but she had cleaned the entire house. It was immaculate. By Ali’s standard of approval, it was clean enough for company.

Ali was about to make a joke about leaving more often if it meant she would come home to a clean house, but something in her gut told her she shouldn’t. When she found Ashlyn asleep in their bed in the middle of the day, she got a bad feeling. Before coming to a conclusion she gently pressed the back of her hand against Ashlyn’s cheek. 

“No fever.” Ali said quietly to herself. 

Ali made herself comfortable and cuddled into her wife. She held her until she woke up. 

“Hey.” Ali whispered once Ashlyn started to show signs of consciousness. “I missed you.” 

“Mmm.” Ashlyn hummed. She turned into her wife’s arms and pushed her face into Ali’s shoulder. 

Ali held her even tighter when she said, “Thank you for cleaning. It looks great.”

“Mmm hmmm.” 

Ali exhaled slowly. She needed a moment to figure out what to say. With a sweet and gentle voice she asked, “You okay?”

Ash rolled even further into her wife.

“Ashlyn, what’s wrong?” 

“I cleaned the whole house.” Ash answered. She had to remove her face from her wife’s chest before she could speak. Her words were still a little muffled by the close proximity of the women. 

“I know, Baby. It’s looks great.” Ali said and kissed Ashlyn’s messy haired head.

Ash sighed and said, “It took like half a day.”

“Impressive.” 

“Not really.” Ash replied. “I hate this. I have no purpose. No offense, but cleaning makes me feel dead inside.”

Ali wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry. Her wife seemed to be telling a joke, maybe even teasing her about her love for cleaning. But Ashlyn’s eyes looked tired and empty. 

“What can I do to help?” Ali asked. 

Ashlyn rolled away from Ali so that her back was facing her and said, “Nothing. I’m just tired, I guess.”

Ali didn’t push. Instead she changed the direction of their conversation. “Isabella will want to clean when she gets home. She wants to earn a little extra money. I told her we could find lots of things for her to do.” Ali said. “So, you won’t have to feel dead inside anymore.” She added as a joke.

“That’s not the problem.” Ash replied. She wasn’t laughing.

Ali sighed and knew that it was time for them to both get serious. “It’s not always gonna be like this. It’s just an adjustment. Remember the dosage thing?” 

Ashlyn sat up and shook her head. “I haven’t heard from Sam in 2 days.”

Ali wondered if her wife was missing her former right hand man. Maybe that was the problem. 

“Let’s go check in on him.” Ali suggested.

“I don’t want him to feel like I don’t trust him. He knows that place better than I do.” Ashlyn answered. 

Ali scoffed, “I’m sure that’s not true.”

“I’m sure in a lot of ways it is true.” Ash added. “Have I been wasting my time?”

Ali gently pushed her wife up and said, “We’re going to visit him. Go take a shower and get dressed.”

The former defender didn’t know how else to get her wife out of her funk. She imagined Ashlyn had spent the last 2 days alone in their big house feeling like she didn’t have anything worthwhile to do with her life. Ali hoped that a trip to see Samuel would cheer her up.

...

“You’re an idiot.” Lexi scolded. She was in the middle of an argument with her younger brother. 

“You’re the idiot.” Samuel argued. “You can’t judge a person based on a piece of paper.”

“I am basing my opinion on experience. She is far more qualified than anyone else who we’ve talked to.” Lexi said, rolling her eyes. 

The siblings were looking over applications that they had received over the last couple days. They couldn’t seem to agree on a single one.

“All I’m saying is I talked to this guy...” Sam held up a specific application. “...he’s got a good vibe.”

“Vibe?” Lexi said, rolling her eyes again. “You sound like my wife.”

Sam smirked and said, “Well, it sounds like your wife is a smart person...unlike you.”

Lexi was in the process of looking for something to throw at her brother when their parents interrupted.

“Is everything okay in here?” Ali asked with a laugh.

Lexi sighed and answered, “Your son is driving me crazy.” She tilted her head and met Ashlyn’s gaze and asked, “You sure you want to trust him with the family business?”

She was joking, but Ashlyn’s hesitation to answer made it seem to everyone that she was questioning her decision to let Sam run things. He didn’t let on, but it hurt Samuel’s feelings a little bit.

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Ali said, trying to break the tension. She knew the state of mind Ashlyn was in. Her hesitation had nothing to do with their son’s abilities.

Ali gestured towards them and asked, “What’s going on here?”

“Nothing.” Sam said awkwardly. He gathered all of the applications together in a pile and slid them into the top drawer of his desk...his mother’s former desk...in her former office.

Ali eyed them suspiciously and said, “I highly doubt that.” 

Samuel stood from his chair and gestured for Ashlyn to sit down. Ash shook her head and sat on the couch instead. 

Lexi quietly asked Ali, “What’s up?”

“Your mother seems to think that your litte brother is doing such a great job that she isn’t needed anymore.” Ali answered loud enough for everyone to hear.

Sam found Ashlyn’s eyes and both members of Team Awesome looked stunned by the comment. 

“Are you kidding?” Lexi asked, unaware that Ashlyn and Sam were in the middle of a moment. “We’ve been going through endless candidates looking for the right people to fill 2 new positions that Sam created due to her absence.”

“What?” Ash asked. 

Samuel felt self-conscious. He asked her timidly, “Unless you think it’s a bad idea.”

Lexi explained, “Mama, you were doing the job of at least 3 different people. Believe it or not, Samuel came up with a good idea to hire 2 people who can focus on very specific tasks that will improve overall productivity and business. Instead of him doing the work that someone else can do...” She side-eyed him and teasingly said, “...and they could probably do it better...” She got back to a serious tone to continue to explain, “He can focus on really running this place and setting a united vision for all employees and site management.”

She said in what sounded like mock disbelief, “I was shocked to find out that he’s not totally useless after all.”

Ali scolded her daughter for her teasing, but none of it was heard by Ashlyn or Samuel. Team Awesome shared a look that, without words, communicated respect and pride.

...

“You were doing the work of 3 people.” Ali said as they walked to their car. “No wondered you were so stressed out all the time. No wonder I was stressed out all the time. Can you believe how smart Sammy is? He really has a good mind for this stuff.”

“He asked me if I would be open to coming in once or twice a week so he can run things by me.” Ashlyn said, completely missing that her wife had just asked her a question. “I think he’s gonna do a really good job.”

“I think he is, too.” Ali said with a knowing grin.

“He said he was going to talk to you and make sure you didn’t mind me spending time at work. I think that’s part of the reason he hasn’t called. He’s trying to balance not stressing us both out.”

Ali thought that a meeting with Samuel once or twice a week might be the right retirement dosage for her wife. Things were starting to fall into place.

...

It was a busy time of year for the family. Jacob’s birthday was a few days before Christmas and with the twins home for school break, the house was filled with laughter and activity. It made Ashlyn’s retirement a lot easier to take. 

In some ways, her ‘career life’ was over, but in other ways it was just getting started. She was now partners with Samuel and owner of one of the fastest growing health franchises in the state. Her health had steadily improved with the elimination of the majority of stress in her life, and MOST IMPORTANTLY, her wife was happy.


	280. Family Is Growing (Part One)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a FLASHFORWARD chapter.
> 
> It picks up where the previous chapter left off.

“Oh, no!” Lexi exclaimed dramatically. She squeezed her wife’s arm and said, “We forgot one of the gifts.” 

Charlie held back a smile. Her wife was really pouring it on. 

Lexi continued, “I hope it’s in the car and not still under our tree. Charlotte, you told me you brought all of the gifts.”

The entire family was gathered at Ali and Ashlyn’s home like every other Christmas morning. All of the children were playing with newly opened toys in a sea of wrinkled and torn wrapping paper. Bailey and Sam were playing tug of war with a bone that was supposed to last a long time, but the dog had already finished half of it within the first 15 minutes of having it.

“I’ll check.” Charlie said, standing to her feet. “I think I remember putting it in the trunk with the rest of the gifts. Maybe it’s still there.”

Lexi’s wife placed a quick kiss on her lips that made her feel light headed. There wasn’t anything extraordinary about the kiss. The truth was the entire scene was just for show. Lex and Charlie hadn’t forgotten a gift. They purposely left it behind, wanting to make sure that it was the last present opened.

Lexi felt dizzy in part because she was overly emotional due to her pregnancy, but also because she knew that they were about to share some big news with the family. 

When Charlie returned she held up a small rectangular box. “Found it.” She said. She offered her free hand to her wife and helped her up. After giving Lexi the gift, she put her arm around her waist and walked with her to Ashlyn and Ali. 

“It’s for you.” Lexi said. She handed the neatly wrapped gift to Ali and added, “From both of us...to both of you.”

It was when Lexi instructed Ashlyn to move closer to Ali that it was clear something was different about the gift they were about to open. Ashlyn saw that Jacob had taken out his camera and was ready to capture the moment they were about to share. 

“What’s happening?” Ashlyn said, not meaning to say the suspicious thought out loud.

Lexi answered, “Just open it!”

Ali and Ash shared a look before Ali tore open the gift. She slid what appeared to be a small frame from the opening at the top of the box. 

“A picture.” Ali said. She still hadn’t seen what it was a picture of. She imagined that it was a new picture of the couple. She knew that they knew how much she loved pictures of the family.

Ashlyn noticed that her oldest son had moved from where he was previously sitting. He was now kneeling on the ground with his camera focused on them. 

Ali looked at the picture inside the frame and was completely speechless. Ashlyn took it from her hands and felt warm tears fill her eyes. “A baby?” She asked. The ultrasound had Lexi’s name at the top of it. “You’re pregnant?” She asked.

Lexi’s cheeks were covered in tears. She had done better than expected to hold herself together, but the moment she saw her mother start to cry, it was all over.

Ali sprung to her feet and hugged both Lexi and Charlie at the same time. 

Ashlyn remained seated, still holding the picture in her hands. She stared at the little one that had already stolen her whole heart. She swept a few fingers over the picture and felt more tears coming. 

As Ali and the rest of the family shared hugs and congratulations, Jacob took a seat next to Ashlyn. He put an arm around her and said, “The baby looks just like you.” 

Ashlyn laughed through her tears. “You think so?”

“Absolutely.” He answered. “He, or she, has your blob-like features.”

Ashlyn smiled and rested her head on his shoulder. She stared lovingly at the picture for a few more moments before lifting her eyes up to see the joy of her entire family bubbling over right in front of her. 

“My little Princess is having a little princess or prince.” She said. 

Jacob nodded and replied, “You should probably go hug your pregnant Little Princess before she gets offended and banishes you from her kingdom.”

Ashlyn’s eyes widened. There was a real possibility that her pregant diva daughter might actually do that.

...

With a baby bump showing, Lexi brought her brother a half eaten box of donuts and a coffee. When she had first arrived she stopped at the check-in desk to offer a few employees a donut. One of the women working there said something about Sam needing some cheering up and that Lexi might be the right person for the job. 

Lexi lightly knocked on Samuel’s office door. She usually walked right in, but her hands were full. “I need you to open the door.” She said, before using her foot to knock again.

Samuel immediately left his place at his desk and let his sister in.

“I brought this for you.” Lexi said. She gave Sam both the coffee and box of treats. “I gave some of the donuts away...” She blushed when she added, “But I ate most of them myself. You know how hungry the baby gets.”

Sam gave a half-hearted smile and said, “Of course.” He set the gifts of food and coffee to the side and said, “Thank you.”

Lexi leaned against the side of Sam’s desk and asked, “So, what’s going on, little brother?”

“Just working.” Sam answered. 

Lexi sighed and opened the box of donuts. She helped herself to half a cream-filled one and after taking a bite said, “You seem sad.”

“I’m not sad.” He replied. There was no fight, or any sign of emotion in his voice.

Lexi loved teasing her brother, but deep down there was never an intent to hurt him. At the moment it looked like he was miserable and Lexi hated seeing him like that.

“She won’t be gone forever.” Lexi said. She knew what was bothering her brother.

Mackenzie had been gone for a week. Not only had she left Sam alone, but she had also taken their dog with her. Before taking over his mother’s responsibilities, Samuel would often travel with her when she had long business trips. His hours were now longer and even taking care of a dog seemed difficult. Bailey either needed to be with him at work, or she would be home for long hours alone. Neither Sam, nor Mackenzie wanted that.

Samuel was alone for the first time in a long time and he realliy missed his little family.

“Another week.” Sam said. 

Lexi corrected him, “5 days.”

“Whatever.” He replied. “It doesn’t matter anyway. I’m fine.”

“Sure you are.” 

Sam scratched his head and asked, “So, why are you here?”

“To see you, Jerk.” Lexi answered. She felt bad for her brother, but not too bad. “You know, I bring you food and coffee. I check up on you to make sure you’re not curled up in a ball, crying over missing your girlfriend and this is how you repay me.”

“You don’t need to check up on me. I’m fine.” Sam answered grumpily.

Lexi narrowed her eyes and sarcastically replied, “Yeah, I can tell.”

He tapped his foot against the floor and chewed on his lip while he decided whether to kick his pregnant sister out or not.

She interrupted his thought processing and said, “I really don’t care that much about you, but the baby wanted me to check on her uncle.”

Sam’s eyes looked a little glossy when he asked, “Her?”

“We’re having a girl.” Lexi answered. “The doctor is about 85% sure.”

Sam genuinely smiled and said, “Congratulations. I’m sure you and Charles are very happy.”

“Charlotte...” Lexi corrected, as she always did whenever Sam called her wife, Charles. “..and I are very happy. Of course, we would be happy with a boy too.”

“Yeah, but you’ve always had bad luck with boys.” Sam joked. 

Lexi was about to smack her brother, but he was not only right, but also coming out of his funk. She considered his mocking a good sign.

“Can I tell you a secret?” Lexi asked. She leaned in close and whispered, “We’re gonna name her after you.” 

Sam’s lips curled up a little when he asked, “Really?”

“Yeah.” Lexi answered. “We’re gonna call her, “Idiot.”

“Shut up.” Sam said with a laugh. He really missed his girlfriend, but he had to admit his sister had cheered him up. 

...

It had been a little over 3 months since Jamie’s concussion. He was back in the full swing of things at school and sports. Ashlyn and Ali had taken a weekend trip to watch both Jamie and Bella play in a soccer tournament near their school. Bella’s games were in the morning and Jamie played at night. 

The time between games gave the four of them a chance to have a meal together before Jamie had to be with his team. For Jamie the meal was a late breakfast, for everyone else it was lunch.

“Jamie, how did your meeting go yesterday?” Ali asked.

Bella wiped her mouth with her napkin and asked, “What meeting?” 

“We thought it better not to tell you.” Jamie answered. “Lexi and I met with my ex yesterday to discuss the case.”

Bella was furious. “How could you keep this from me?”

“We knew that you would freak out when you saw her.” Jamie answered, confident that he had done the right thing. 

Isabella rolled her eyes and felt her anger begin to stir. 

“You’re freaking out now.” Jamie said nonchalantly. “You always do. You’re too protective of me. You’re not rational.”

“Okay, that’s enough.” Ashlyn said, raising her hand up in the air. “Your sister loves you. I don’t think that’s the worst thing in the world.”

Ali tilted her head sympathetically as she looked at her daughter. Bella was just like her. She worried about everything, especially her twin brother.

“I think it’s sweet.” Ali said before adding, “So, how did the meeting go?”

“Well, she seems better now. A doctor has been montoring her meds and she’s back to normal.” Jamie answered.

“What’s normal for her?” Bella asked with a bite in her tone. “Only stalking and not assault?”

“No...” Jamie answered. “Being normal is what’s normal for her. She’s doing well. She’s taking care of her son and getting help.”

“So, let me guess...” Bella snapped. “...you’re gonna drop the charges.”

Jamie wiped the condensation from the outsie of his glass of water. He dried his wet hands on his jeans before answering. “With some conditions, yes.”

“She’s a crazy person.” Bella argued. “She’s gonna kill you one day.”

“Isabella, you need to stop.” Ashlyn warned.

Jamie ignored his sister and continued, “She’s gonna be monitored and has to check in weekly. Otherwise, she could lose her son and we will press charges.” He met his sister’s angry glare and added, “It was Lexi’s idea.”

“I love how you’ve been lying to me this whole time.” Bella said sarcastically. “Every time I asked you about this you would intentionally mislead me.”

“I never misled you.” Jamie said.

“No, you flat out lied to me. You told me that you were going to press charges.” She argued.

Jamie replied, “Because I knew you would be mad.” 

“Well, congratulations...” She said in anger. “...now I’m pissed and want to murder you, myself.” She mocked him and said, “I might as well try to murder you, it’s not like you’re gonna press charges. Apparently, anyone can do whatever they want to you and you won’t do a thing to defend yourself!” 

Bella was angry. Her words came out like fire. She was fed up with feeling like she was the only one who cared if her brother was safe. 

“Sweetheart, your brother is going to be fine.” Ali promise. 

Bella stared at her mother with narrowed eyes and said, “That’s what you said right before he was attacked. You said you took care of everything.”

Ashlyn had heard enough. She slapped her hand against the table and said, “We’re going for a walk.” 

Bella answered defiantly, “I don’t feel like walking.”

Ashlyn stood up and said, “You don’t have a choice.”

Bella was stubborn, like both of her parents, but she wasn’t disrespectful. She said, “Fine” in a huff and followed her mother outside.

“Sorry about her.” Jamie said to Ali. “It’s not your fault. She thinks it’s her fault. That’s why she’s acting like that.”

“I’ve felt the same way, if I’m being honest. I thought I took care of you. I thought I had it handled.” Ali explained. “I thought everything would be okay and then I left...and then you got hurt.”

Jamie smiled and said, “It’s not your fault, Mom. She was sick. That’s why she did what she did.”

Outside of the small restaurant, Ashlyn and Bella sat on the hood of Ali’s car in silence. Ash leaned backward until she was laying down with her hands folded behind her head. She looked completely relaxed.

“I don’t like the way you were speaking to my wife.” Ash said in a cool, calm tone. “I know you’re stressed out, but that’s never okay.” Ashlyn sat up and put her hand on Bella’s shoulder before adding sternly, “No one talks to my wife like that.”

Bella thought for a moment that Ashlyn was going to take it easy on her, but apparently that was wishful thinking.

“I’m sorry.” Bella grumbled. “I know it was wrong. I’m just frustrated. Jamie is always letting people hurt him. He never stands up for himself.”

Ashlyn disagreed. “He’s tough. He just prefers keeping others from hurting more than he does for himself.”

“I never said he wasn’t tough.” Bella said. “I know he’s tough, but he let’s people take advantage of him and I don’t like that.”

“Izzy, you’re looking for someone to blame for your brother getting hurt. Sometimes things happen that are beyond our control. You couldn’t stop it. Your mother couldn’t stop it. Jamie couldn’t stop it.”

Bella leaned down, like her mother had done earlier, and said, “That doesn’t make me feel any better.”

Ashlyn slid down the hood of Ali’s car until her feet met the ground. She nudged her daughter and said, “Let’s get some food. I’m starving.”

Bella let her mother lead her back into the restaurant. The first thing she did when they arrived at their tabel was apologize to Ali.

...

“Hello, my son.” Ashlyn said as she met Samuel in the parking lot of one of their fitness facilites. 

Sam had learned that his mother was making weekly trips to each location and checking up on what was going on. She would then busy herself with whatever tasks she could find that needed done. 

Instead of letting her continue to break her promise to Ali and take on more stress than necessary, he invited her to join him when he visited the locations. That way, if anything needed handled, he would do it and she could see that it was getting taken care of. 

There continued to be a give and take when it came to Ashlyn’s retirement. It was impossible for her to stay away without driving herself crazy. Samuel tried to balance letting her do what she wanted, without letting her stress herself out.

“Hello, my mother.” Sam replied. “Did you get my message about the latest drama here?”

“Yeah. Sounds like something that started with a miscommunication. We can probably take care of it pretty easily.” Ash answered. 

Sam nodded. “I think that’s something the location manager should take care of. We can tell her to do it.”

“You’re the boss, Bam.” Ashlyn replied. She would have liked to have led a small meeting between the employees involved, but she knew her son was right. “Whatever you think, I support it.”

After the inspection and a brief meeting with the location manager, Ashlyn asked, “How have you been doing lately? Lex says you’ve been grumpy because Mackenzie is out of town.”

“Lex talks too much.” Samuel mumbled under his breath.

Ashlyn smiled. “It gets easier. Being away, I mean.” Ashlyn gave her son a pat on the back and added, “Back when your Mom and I started dating it was hard, but we got used to it because of soccer.”

Samuel laughed out loud and argued, “You never got used to it.” 

Sam remembered all of the times Ali and Ash were apart and not once, not even in recent months, did Ashlyn get used to the separation. She needed Ali to feel right, to feel normal...just like Samuel needed Mackenzie.

“Okay, maybe not.” Ash agreed. “But it won’t feel as lonely. She’ll leave more of herself with you the longer you’re together. You’ll see. It’s hard to explain, but you’ll see.”

“I really miss her, Ma.” Sam said. “It’s dumb, but I can’t sleep without her. I think I’m starting to lose my mind. I daydream about her. That can’t be healthy, right? That’s not normal.”

“You’re in love.” Ash answered simply.

Sam shook his head, not in disagreement, but in frustration. “This morning I put hand soap on my tooth brush. I haven’t eaten in...” He stopped and tried to count the days but couldn’t remember his last meal. “I don’t even know when the last time I ate was. She calls me every day. I talk to her a lot, but it’s not enough.”

“When is she getting back?” Ash asked. 

“Tomorrow.” He answered. 

“Well then, you should be happy.” 

Sam didn’t seem happy when he replied, “But there’s something wrong with me, right?” He had a look of desperation on his face. “It’s not healthy. I feel like I’m losing myself. I can’t be happy without her close.”

Samuel saw the expression on his mother’s face and wasn’t amused. “Stop smiling.” He ordered. “It’s not funny. I’m serious. Food doesn’t taste good. I tried to watch a movie that I have seen a hundred times and it always makes me laugh, but when I tried to watch it without her it seemed pointless.” 

Ashlyn was really trying hard not to smile.

“Everything seems pointless if I’m not sharing it with her.”

Ashlyn was going to say something more about Mackenzie, but it looked as if her son was in one of the daydreams he had complained about earlier. She took the keys from her son’s hand and said, “I’m taking you to lunch...and I’m driving.” 

...

Samuel didn’t want to appear too eager when he met his girlfriend at the airport. He didn’t want her to know how miserable he had been without her. He had thought about the moment way more than he thought was normal. 

He had planned it all out. 

At first he thought he should be funny and have a sign with her name on it. He also thought about being romantic by waiting at the bottom of the escalater for her while holding out a rose to greet her. He thought about the hand off of the rose. When she took it from him he would slide his hand around her waist and pull her close for a passionate kiss. Then he thought about all of the people that would be on the escalator behind Kenzie and imagined them falling down like dominoes as they ran into them at the bottom.

He wanted to throw up. He was excited. Anxious. Nervous. Relieved.

Sam felt like he was going to explode.

When the moment came, he froze. His eyes were glued to his favorite traveler.

Mackenzie hadn’t seen him yet. She had her hands full with Bailey and her carry-on. Samuel loved how she clumsily apologized to the people around her for taking up two stairs instead of just one. He never knew anyone who was as thoughtful as his girlfriend.

The woman in front of her commented on how cute Bailey was and offered to help her carry her luggage. Sam smiled. Everyone loved Mackenzie. She attracted kindness all around her.

The women continued their conversation and walked right by Sam, who was holding a funny sign with her name and 2 dozen roses. It was Bailey’s barking that quieted the conversation. 

From behind the women, Samuel tapped on Mackenzie’s shoulder and said, “I believe that’s my dog.”

Mackenzie felt butterflies in her stomach at the sound of Sam’s voice. She spun around and didn’t wait to give an explanation to her new friend, she kissed him with a couple weeks worth of pent up passion behind it. 

“You’re always kissing me first.” Sam said between kisses. “So forward.”

Mackenzie bit her bottom lip and smiled as blood rushed to her cheeks. Bailey licked Sam’s face excitedly, but somehow both he and Kenzie were focused only on each other. 

Mackenzie closed her eyes and pressed her face into Sam’s chest. The happy dog kisses and the sight of the woman who was still standing nearby, pulled Samuel back to reality. 

“Sorry.” He said, apologizing to the woman. “I didn’t mean to interrupt. We haven’t seen each other in a while.”

The woman nodded in understandng, she smiled, and left the couple to get back to their reunion. 

...

“You’re glowing almost as much as my pregnant wife.” Charlie said to Samuel. The corners of his mouth seemed to have a permanent upward turn. 

Sam looked in Mackenzie’s direction and shrugged. It was all he could do to keep from gushing about how happy he was to have his girlfriend back. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Sam replied. He turned away so that his sister-in-law couldn’t see his face. 

Ali had asked for volunteers to help clean the dishes after another great family dinner. Samuel and Charlie were the first to leave their seats. The 2 of them were good friends and actually looked forward to the extra time together.

Charlie handed Sam the plate she had just washed and said, “You’re practically giddy.”

Samuel dried the dish and put it away before he replied, “Kenze is back.”

There was no sense in trying to hide the reason for his good mood. Everyone already knew it.

“Charlotte...” 

The dishwashing team was interrupted by Lexi calling for her wife. 

“Honey, did you bring in my purse?” Lex asked. She affectionately leaned into her wife from behind. 

With Lexi’s arms around her waist Charlie answered, “No, Babe. You want me to go get it from the car?”

“You don’t have to...” Lexi answered. Her non-request was really a request.

Charlie took Sam’s towel from him, handed it to Lex and told him to take over washing the dishes. She knew that her wife would prefer to dry over washing. Samuel didn’t put up a fight. Lexi was now pregnant enough that Charlie wasn’t the only one willing to spoil her.

Lexi dried a glass and decided that she was over it. She sat down in a nearby chair and left Sam to do it all. She knew that her wife wouldn’t be gone that long so it wasn’t a big deal for her to make him do it himself.

“I’m glad your woman is back.” Lex said with a smile. “You were getting super annoying.”

“I was not annoying.” Sam argued.

Lex continued, “You are always annoying, but while she was gone you were super annoying.” She gently massaged her belly and added, “Even the baby thought so.”

“Your baby loves me. She told me.” Sam argued.

Lexi laughed. She wouldn’t doubt that if anyone was able to have a special connection with her baby it would be her brother, who was also her best friend.

Before the pregnant woman could try to bother her brother more, her wife returned with her purse. Lexi fished inside it and found her lip balm. After applying a generous amount, she handed the purse back to her wife and said, “Thank you.”

Charlie laughed. Her wife was more than capable of walking to their car and getting her purse. She was also able to look after her own purse, but for some reason Lexi wanted her to do it. Charlie loved taking care of her and the pregnancy seemed to give her more opportunities to do so.

“So when are you gonna propose?” Lexi asked. She playfully smacked Charlie’s backside as she returned to her dishwashing station. 

Samuel stole a wide eyed look at his girlfriend who was in another room, but close enough to have heard. “Shhhh.” He said angrily toward Lexi. “She’s right there.”

“She’s talking to Mom about her trip. She’s not listening.” Lexi replied. “You’ve been together forever. What are you waiting for?”

“We’ve talked about this.” Sam answered in frustration. “I wanted to wait until my knee was strong enough to make it special.”

Lex rolled her eyes and said, “Your knee is fine now. What other excuses do you have?”

“I’ve been busy with work. I can’t just leave now.” He replied.

Sam’s proposal plan involved taking his girlfriend on an adventure. 

He continued, “And I don’t even know how to get her to take time off work without her figuring out what’s going on. I want it to be a surprise.”

Charlie was washing faster than her brother-in-law could dry. Sam’s conversation had slowed down his productivity. Dishes were piling up, waiting for Samuel to do his part. He was distracted by the feeling of wanting to defend his reasons for not popping the question to the woman that he knew was the one and only choice for him to be happy. 

Lexi’s artist-wife chimed in, “You know, I bet it could be arranged with a little help. I know an incredibly hot pregnant woman who is both smart and sneaky. I bet she would be happy to assist you.”

Samuel laughed. His nosy sister would do anything to be a part of his proposal. “I’ll think about it.” He said. He started on the pile of dishes that waited for him and added, “But for now, can we please stop talking about it while Kenze is so close?”

“Whatever you want, Sammy-Poo.” Lexi teased with a cheeky grin spread across her face.

...

“Babe!” Mackenzie shouted in exasperation. 

Samuel was wearing nothing but a pair of boxer briefs.

“What?” He asked, sensing that he was in trouble.

Kenzie had been a nervous wreck all day. The couple was hosting the Krieger-Harris family dinner for the first time ever at their house. Mackenzie left nothing to chance. She hired a caterer and had their entire house professionally cleaned. She spared no expense, or effort, to make sure that everything was perfect.  
Sam, on the other hand, could not care less about the arrangements that his girlfriend had been stressing out about for the last week. 

“You can at least put on pants.” Mackenzie replied. Sam had a habit of wearing the least amount of clothes possible when they were alone at home. Mackenzie usually didn’t mind.

Samuel looked down at himself and realized he was pantless and shirtless. He joked, “My family is used to seeing me like this.” He was referring to when he was a boy and would run around the house naked. For some reason he thought it was both freeing and hilarious.

Mackenzie didn’t reply with words, instead she gave him a look that communicated his life may be at risk if he didn’t put on clothes in the next 30 seconds.

Sam smiled. He put a hand on each of his girlfriend’s shoulders and said, “I’m gonna get dressed...and while I do that you should relax. My family have all been here before. They all love you. If anything, they love you more than me now.”

Kenzie appeared to be taking in what he had said. Before she could come up with an argument, Samuel kissed her on the forehead and left to get dressed. 

Once the family had arrived, Mackenzie’s nerves seemed to have disappeared. Rachel and Charlie took over the clean up duty, even though Kenzie insisted that they not worry about it. After most of the food had been eaten, and all of the dishes cleaned up, there was a special surprise awaiting the family. 

Uncle Sammy and Aunt Kenzie were asked to help surprise Ashlyn and Ali with a special announcement.

Little Benjamin held a wrapped gift with a big red bow on top. He had picked out the gift, the wrapping paper, and the big bow that looked oversized for the package. His hands held tightly to the gift. It felt precious to him. He climbed slowly onto Ashlyn’s lap and presented the gift to Ali, who was seated next to her wife.

“What is this, Sweetheart?” Ali asked him. Benny looked to Jacob to explain.

Jake and Rachel stood side by side watching the scene unfold. Jacob put his arm around his wife’s shoulders and said, “It was all Benny’s idea. He wanted to tell you something special...something very important.”

“What is it, Honey?” Ali asked, giving her attention to the young boy. Her mouth curled into an encouraging smile.

He pointed at the present in Ali’s hands. 

Rachel chimed in, “He wants you to open it.”

Ashlyn pulled him in close for a hug and kissed his cheek as they waited for Ali to unwrap the gift.

Ali wasn’t surprised to find a picture frame had been wrapped. The shape and size of the present made it obvious. The frame contained a picture of Benny. When he saw himself he pointed at the picture and then back at himself and said, “That’s me!”

He was so excited. Ali gushed over how handsome he looked, but there was still a surprise left to be shared. 

Jacob explained, “He wanted to do it like his Aunt Lex and Aunt Charlie did.”

“What do you mean?” Ali asked. Both her and her wife were confused. 

Ben wiggled out of Ashlyn’s lap and grabbed Rachel and Jacob’s hands. He pulled them as hard as he could to get them to join him around Jake’s parents. Once they were standing in front of Ash and Ali, Ben said, “Stay.” He clumsily walked the stretch of the room to find Abigail and Asher. He instructed them to follow him. 

Once all fo Jacob’s family was present, Rachel said, “Benny wanted you to look behind his picture.” 

Both parents knelt down to get closer to eye level with the children. Rachel hugged Ben from behind, while Jacob wrangled the other two children in his arms.

Ali asked, “I don’t understand. What do you mean?”

Rachel answered, “There are 2 pictures in the frame.”

Ben’s smile looked as if it was going to explode off of his face. He was more excited than anyone had ever seen him. Ashlyn took the picture from her wife and carefully opened the back of it. She gently removed a folded up piece of paper and a second picture that had been hidden behind the picture of Ben.

Ashlyn handed her wife the other picture. It included Jacob, Rachel, Ben, Abigail, and Asher. Jacob explained, “We took that when we went to the beach last month.”

Ali nodded. She adored the picture, but thought it was strange that it didn’t have a frame of it’s own.

Jake signaled to Ash that she should read the paper that was also included. Her eyes widened along with her smile. “Is this what I think it is?” Ashlyn asked.

Jacob nodded.

As Ashlyn gave the letter to her wife, wanting to wait for Ali to read what she had just read, Benny couldn’t hold it in any longer. He shouted. “I’m adopted.”

Rachel corrected him, “He’s almost adopted, but it might as well be true. We just have to sign some papers. We wanted everyone to be there with us.”

Everyone cheered and shared hugs, making Benny feel like the most loved boy in the world. 

Samuel grinned and explained, “Benny asked us to help him surprise you with a big present, just like Aunt Lexi surprised us at Christmas. He said that he wanted to have a picture like the baby so we could have a big party together.”

Ali scooped him up in a hug and gave him kisses all over both his cheeks. She reached for her other grandkids and did the same. 

Rachel added, “Ever since we explained to him that the ultrasound was a picture of the new baby, and he saw how happy it made you to see it, he’s been begging to give you a picture of himself.” 

“My man’s a stud.” Sam said, flexing his biceps knowing that Benny would copy him. 

Jacob added, “The other picture is a better representation of what’s happening. Just like Lex and Charlie, our family is growing.”

Ali wiped at her glossy eyes and said, “That’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard.”


	281. Family Is Growing (Part Two)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a FLASHFORWARD.
> 
> It's kind of long. 
> 
> There will be at least one more "Family Is Growing" chapter (maybe more.)

Ashlyn rubbed her tired eyes, trying to remove the sleep from them. She was exhausted. In a groggy fog she dipped a tea bag in a hot mug of water. Up, down. Up, down. She watched as the water darkened each time the bag submerged in the water. Her eyes were watery from allergies. Her nose stuffy.

She used her sleeve to wipe her nose as she carefully carried the steaming cup of tea from the kitchen to the bedroom. 

“Babe...” Ash said with a yawn. “...I made you tea.”

Ali answered after a quiet cough, “Thanks.” Her voice was raspy and tired. 

She was sick. 

Ashlyn was doing her best to take care of her. She had tried to make sure Ali stayed hydrated and rested. The former defender had been sick for several days, with no sign of improvement. In fact, she only seemed to be getting worse. 

“I put honey in it.” Ash said. 

Ashlyn put the hot cup down on the table next to Ali’s side of the bed. She hurried to correct her mistake when she heard her wife’s worn out voice whisper, “Coaster.”

“Sorry.” 

Ali made a great effort to smile, but it was obviously forced. She replied, “It’s okay. Thank you for the tea.”

“Umm...” Ash said, while gently rubbing her wife’s back. “I made you an appointment with your doctor for this afternoon.” 

“Thanks.” Ali said. She cleared her throat before saying, “The twins are coming home this weekend. I need to go grocery shopping and plan for a family dinner with everyone.”

Ashlyn shook her head and said, “No. You are not doing any of that.” She took the tea from the table and gave it to her wife, insisting that she take a sip. “I’m sure no one can do as good of a job as you, but we’ll handle it while you take it easy and get better.”

Ali whined, “I would argue, but I’m too tired.”

“Exactly.” Ash replied. She kissed Ali’s forehead and added, “Don’t worry about a thing. I’ve got everything under control.”

...

Samuel shook his fist and said, “If you tell anyone, I will kill you.”

Lexi, a lawyer, rolled her eyes. “That’s the dumbest thing you can ever say. Now if something happens to me, you’re the number one suspect.”

Sam’s eyes flicked towards Charlie when he replied, “Everyone knows it’s always the spouse. Charles is the one who would go to prison for it.”

Charlie shook her head. Her wife and brother-in-law’s relationship sometimes made her wonder. “Okay, first of all...if anything happened to my wife I would be hunting down the person who hurt her. And second of all, you both are sick people to even be discussing this.”

“Sammy, you know that I’m not going to tell anyone.” Lexi assured her brother. “Charlotte is the only one who knows besides me and you. Your secret is safe with us.”

“Thanks.” Sam said. “I think I’m just nervous...and excited.”

Lexi smiled and replied, “You don’t have anything to be nervous about. She’s gonna say yes.”

“I hope so.” Sam said, with a noticeable shake in his voice. “She’s been acting weird lately. At least I think she has...I don’t know...maybe I’m imagining it.”

...

Ash and Ali waited at the pharmacy for Ali’s prescription to be filled. Ali leaned against her wife with her eyes closed. She felt dizzy, tired, and her throat felt like sandpaper. Ashlyn was surprised when her wife spoke. 

“Do you think the twins will be okay if anything ever happened to us?”

“Where did that come from?” Ashlyn asked, completely thrown off by the random topic.

Ali had always been the one who took care of Ashlyn’s health problems. The recent reversal of roles made her think about what would happen if both of them got sick, or worse. She sighed before digging her head a little more into Ashlyn’s side. Ash got the hint and put her arm around her and then pulled her close.

“I was just thinking.” Ali said tiredly. “Those two worry me. They’re in a world of their own half the time.”

“No matter what, you know they will always take care of each other.” Ashlyn said. “But if something did happen to us they have 3 older siblings that would do anything for them.”

“Yeah...” Ali said. She yawned and added, “...you’re right.” She kissed Ashlyn’s jaw and said, “You’re so smart.”

Ashlyn smiled when she replied, “And you’re so delirious.”

...

Lexi called her brother. She had just had lunch with Mackenzie and promised to fill him in on how it went. 

“So...” Sam said, skipping the traditional greetings. “...how did it go? How did she seem? Did she say anything about me?”

Lexi took a deep breath and slowly let it out to buy herself some time. 

Sam thought that was her way of answering. “Something’s wrong.” He guessed.

“No.” Lexi corrected. “Well...” She added hesitantly. “I guess it seems like something was going on.”

“Is it about me?” Sam asked.

Lexi had no idea why it seemed like something was bothering, or distracting Mackenzie. Maybe it was her pregnancy making her see things that weren’t there. Maybe she was being too sensitive.

Lexi answered, “I don’t know. It could be nothing. You know I’m overly emotional right now.”

“How did she seem?” Sam asked. 

“She seemed distracted.” Lexi answered, feeling that ‘distracted’ was the least negative word she could use to describe Kenzie.

“Did you think she was upset about something? Do you think I did something wrong?” Samuel asked. He was scared that the greatest thing in his life was ready to walk away.

Lexi sighed, feeling a deep concern for her brother. She knew what would happen to his heart if Mackenzie left him. She wasn’t sure he would ever recover.

...

Ashlyn quietly chuckled. She shook her head and said to her wife, “I should’ve known this is where he’d be.” 

The twins had come home that afternoon and when Ash asked if they wanted to accompany her to the store, Bella volunteered and Jamie stayed home. She had wondered where he was and why the house was so quiet when they returned. Jamie had fallen asleep in his parents’ bed. Ali had spent all day resting, and he wanted to take care of her and keep her company. It ended up looking like Ali was the one taking care of him. She was seated in the bed with his head in her lap. She stroked his hair protectively and with more love than could ever be put into words. 

Ashlyn sat down, with their youngest child between them, and said, “Izzy said he’s having a hard time again at school.”

Ali asked in worry, “What is is?” She whispered because she didn’t want to wake up their son.

“She said we should talk to him.” Ash answered. 

Ali coughed and added, “I don’t like the sound of that.”

...

Sam left work early that day to check on Mackenzie. He didn’t really know what getting home early would accomplish, if she was even there to begin with, but he strongly felt the need to check on her.

He was happy, and a little nervous, to see that her car was in the garage. She was home.

When Mackenzie saw him walk through the front door she quickly closed her laptop and asked, “What are you doing home so early?”

Samuel had a feeling that whatever his girlfriend had been working on, she didn’t want him to see it. It didn’t make him feel any better about the current status of their relationship.

Sam wasn’t good at clearly explaining his emotions. The main reason for that was that he had a hard time putting words to what he was feeling. When he got upset, he would get overwhelmed, and felt like nothing made sense. 

In this moment, he tried to stay calm and simply asked what he was thinking, “What’s going on? Are you okay? Did I do something wrong?”

Mackenzie hesitated before laughing it off. She answered, “You’re being weird.”

Sam stood his ground. “Kenze, you’re lying.”

Mackenzie tried to keep it light. “You’re crazy.”

Sam didn’t budge. “Why are you lying to me?”

Mackenzie’s eyes started to tear up. She was not good at lying, especially to the man she loved. She started for the door and without turning around mumbled, “I gotta go.”

“Mac!” Sam shouted as his girlfriend literally made a run for it. 

She didn’t stop. He thought about going after her. It would have been easy to catch her, but she didn’t want to be caught and he wasn’t going to force her to do, or say, anything. He slammed his fist into the door, which he immediately regretted doing, and let Mackenzie leave. After wrapping his hand in ice he paced the length of the house. Everything seemed normal. Nothing seemed out of place or different. He wondered why he was feeling the way he was. If nothing else confirmed his fears, Mackenzie’s behavior did.

Bailey was outside playing in the backyard. Samuel figured that his girlfriend must have just let her out before he had gotten home. He was sure his dog didn’t mind the extra time out in the shady yard, but it wasn’t like Kenzie to leave her out for long. He was feeling lonely and a little unwanted. It was the perfect time for him to play with his affectionate dog. 

Samuel laid down in the grass and let his dog attack him with love and dog kisses. She jumped on him and barked a happy song. On any other day, he would have loved it. He would have wrestled and played with the dog, but not today. 

He felt like he was about to lose everything.

...

“How’s school going?” Ashlyn asked. 

The twins were seated at the table with both parents. Ali gave her wife a quick look. She wasn’t sure it was the right time for the conversation.

“Fine.” Both Bella and Jamie said in unison. Bella nervously met her mother’s gaze and put her head down, pretending to focus on the plate in front of her.

“Jame...” Ash said. “How are classes?”

Jamie put his fork down and answered, “Not great.”

“What’s going on?” Ash asked. 

Jamie nervously shrugged and answered, “I’m just not good at school. It’s not for everyone, you know.”

“It’s for you.” Ashlyn stated. She wasn’t even going to entertain the thought that her son was trying to discuss...even if he was only joking.

Ali cleared her throat, trying to get Ashlyn’s attention, but due to her sickness there was nothing out of the ordinary about the sound. 

Ash continued, “We’ll get you a tutor. School is the most important thing for you right now. You can’t do sports unless you get good grades.”

Jamie looked sick. He worked up his courage and argued, “But maybe I don’t need good grades to play sports. Maybe I can be like Jake and you guys, and play professionally. I don’t need to waste my time in school anymore.”

Ali interrupted, “You’re going to finish.”

“Why?” He asked. “I’m no good at it. I’m good at soccer and baseball and track...” He could have listed more sports but his other mother stopped him.

“Do you think that’s enough? What happens if you get injured? What happens if you’re not as good at sports as you think you are? Are you prepared for rejection? Are you prepared to fail? Then what will your life amount to?”

Ashlyn’s words sounded a lot harsher than she intended. 

“Jake made enough money playing soccer to support a family.” Jamie argued. 

Ashlyn scoffed, “He married a doctor. Money wouldn’t have been a concern for them, either way.”

“Sam didn’t go to college. At least not for 4 years.” Jamie said. He added, “Maybe I can find a millionaire to marry like he did.” He said it as a joke to lighten the mood, but no one seemed to get it.

Bella’s face revealed how stupid she thought her brother’s point was, but her loyalty kept her from butting in and taking their parents side.

“Is that your plan?” Ash asked. “You’re going to live off of someone else’s hard work?”

“No!” Jamie shouted. He was offended by the accusation. 

Ali grabbed her wife’s leg and gave it a squeeze, signaling that Ash needed to calm down. Ali encouraged, “Sweetheart, I know school can be difficult, but you can handle it.”

Jamie stood abruptly from his seat. He was tired of arguing. No one seemed to understand. 

“Honey...” Ali continued, “...it’s not wise to quit school.”

“You just don’t believe in me!” He argued. “You don’t think I’m good enough.”

Ali looked at Bella as if to ask for her help.

Bella knew she would soon regret what she was about to say, but felt the pressure from her mother to help. “Jame, maybe you should listen.”

At the sound of his sister ganging up on him with their parents, Jamie snapped, “You don’t believe in me either! Everything is always so easy for you. I can’t help it that I’m not as good as you. I can’t help it that you got all the good genes.”

Jamie dismissed himself from the conversation by slamming the front door and leaving the 3 women behind in shock.

...

Samuel laid in bed with Bailey while he talked to his sister on the phone. “Maybe I should cancel the trip.”

“No.” Lexi replied. “You can’t do that.”

Sam sighed and said, “You didn’t see what happened. She’s gonna break up with me. I just know it.”

“You don’t know that.” Lex replied. 

“She’s not acting like herself. She warned me when we first started dating that she gets bored and that she used to think she could never be happy settling down...what if that’s what’s happening now?”

Lexi didn’t know what to say. She honestly had no idea what was going on with Mackenzie. It was completely out of her character to behave the way that she had been acting. 

It just didn’t make sense.

...

Ashlyn was fuming. Bella felt guilty. Ali was trying to gather enough energy to fix everything. She couldn’t seem to do it.

“Our son is not going to quit school, Alex. That isn’t an option.” Ashlyn said...as if Bella wasn’t in the room. 

“I agree.” Ali replied. She tried to calm her wife by gently caressing Ashlyn’s arms with her fingers. “We need to be patient with him. He’s discouraged.”

“Alex...” Ash said in anger, “He will not give up. Our children will have every opportunity that we can give them in this life.”

Ali heard Ashlyn’s voice crack. She asked Bella to leave the room and then said, “Ashlyn, no matter what happens, our baby will be okay. You haven’t failed him.”

Ashlyn blinked back tears. She was the first Harris to ever graduate college. She promised herself that she wouldn’t let anything keep her children from having the same opportunity.

“Things have come too easy for him.” Ashlyn said. “He doesn’t want to work hard to get through something that he struggles with.”

Ali wasn’t ready to draw the same conclusion as her wife. She said, “Baby, he’s overwhelmed. We need to be patient with him. You have to admit, he’s had a hard year.”

“I’m not going to let him quit.” Ash replied. There was no compromise in her voice.

Ali rubbed her sore throat and whispered. “It’s not up to us what he does.”

That was the last thing Ashlyn wanted to hear.

...

When Mackenzie returned home she had bags filled with Sam’s favorite food. She set the table and fed Bailey, who had met her at the door as soon as she arrived. The dog stayed close to her as she readied dinner for her and Samuel. 

Samuel was in an extra room that they used as an office. He felt numb. He hadn’t done anything but wait since Mackenzie had left. He was waiting for what he thought was the inevitable. 

“Hey.” Kenzie said softly from the doorway of the room. “I brought dinner.”

Sam turned toward the window...away from the voice of the woman he loved. 

“Not hungry?” She asked, knowing that she had hurt him. Knowing that she deserved the silence. “I bought food from the BBQ place you like so much.”

It was her attempt at an apology, without having to give one.

Still staring out the window, Sam replied, “I don’t understand what’s happening.”

“Hopefully, dinner.” Kenzie said, attempting a joke. 

Sam turned in his chair and asked, “Did I do something wrong?”

“No.” Kenzie answered simply. 

Mackenzie watched as Sam’s brow scrunched together in tension. She could practically see him struggling to hold back the explosion of hurt. He sighed in exhaustion and his face fell into what could only be described as surrender. He didn’t want to fight. If Kenzie wanted to give up on him, she would have to be the one to do it. He wasn’t going to make it easier for her by picking a fight.

He pressed his hands on the arms of the chair and pushed himself up. It was then that his girlfriend noticed his injured hand.

“What happened?” She asked in concern. “Are you okay?”

She tried to touch him, but he pulled away. 

“We should eat before dinner gets cold.” He said, ignoring her questions.

Mackenzie felt like she shouldn’t push him to answer. She had already upset him enough. She followed him to the dining room, where she had already set out the food for dinner. He sat down without saying a word and started eating the BBQ ribs she had picked up for him. She poked and picked at the grilled chicken salad she had gotten herself, never once moving her gaze from him.

She had to ask, “You know I’m sorry, right?”

Samuel just kept chewing the meat in his mouth. His fingers covered in sauce. Eyes fixed downward. He made no indication that he was listening.

“I’m sorry I lied to you.” Mackenzie said. “I just don’t want to talk about it now. Can you forgive me? Can we forget about all this?”

Samuel’s gaze drifted upward until it reached Mackenzie’s. Both their eyes were noticeably glossy. He chewed on his bottom lip while he tried to think about how he should respond. 

“When do you want to talk about it?” He asked. “I know something’s wrong. Lex said she noticed too.”

“Lexi said that?”

“Yeah.” Sam replied. “She said you seemed distracted. Maybe even sad.” 

Mackenzie didn’t reply. 

“I guess I didn’t need her to tell me something was wrong.” Samuel said. “I already knew.”

Sam swallowed hard before asking, “Are you going to leave me?”

Kenzie was stunned by the question. “It’s complicated.” She answered. 

To Sam, it felt as if she told him that they were over, without actually saying it.

...

“Hellooooo...” Jake called into his parents house. He held onto his youngest brother’s shirt collar and dragged him inside. 

Bella was the first to meet them. She had been worried about Jamie since he left. She completely ignored their older brother and grabbed Jamie’s arm and pulled him away. Jacob let his brother slip away, knowing that there was no keeping the twins apart.

Ash and Ali watched from the top of the stairs as Bella and Jamie left to another room. Ashlyn let Ali lean on her as they made their way down towards Jacob. Jake saw that his mother seemed tired, so he closed the distance between them. He supported Ali from the opposite side of Ashlyn and helped her down the steps. 

“Is she okay?” He whispered. 

Ashlyn nodded and said, “She just woke up. Doc said she has bronchitis. She’ll be better soon.”

“I can speak for myself.” Ali said with an equal amount of sass and phlegm.

“Sorry, Babe.” Ash replied. 

...

In a nearby room Bella was begging Jamie to forgive her. “What was I supposed to say?” She asked. “They weren’t going to change their minds, no matter what you said. Arguing was pointless.”

“Bell, you could’ve told them. You could’ve told them that I’m not good at college stuff. You could’ve told them that the only reason I ever pass any of my classes is because of you.” Jamie argued. 

Bella replied, “I could never tell them that. Jame, you are smarter than you think. I help you with some of your homework, but everybody needs help sometimes.”

She added, “I think you should tell them the truth.”

...

Jacob filled his parents in on the conversation he had just had with his youngest brother. 

“How did he even get to your house?” Ashlyn asked. “It’s not like you live down the street.”

Jake replied, “He ran.” Jacob shrugged and added, “I think he’s the best athlete this family has ever seen...and I’m not just comparing him to me.”

“The sick Olympian might not agree with you.” Ashlyn said, giving her wife a hard time. 

Jacob replied, “Did you know he has gotten offers from different agents, saying that they can guarantee him a roster spot in Europe?”

“What?” Ali asked. 

“I guess you didn’t know.” Jake replied. “One guy went as far as telling him that the risk of NOT quitting school was bigger than the risk of waiting until after graduation to sign a contract with a team.”

“He’s being pressured.” Ali said.

Ashlyn felt her jaw clench. Her fingers closed into a fist when she said, “I’m gonna kill whoever is manipulating my son.”

“Whoa.” Jacob said. “Easy there, killer.”

“Mom...Mama...” Bella said, interrupting Ashlyn’s threats of violence. “Jamie needs to tell you something.”

Ali held out her hand toward Jamie and asked, “What is it, Sweetheart?” 

Jamie let his mother pull him into the empty space on the couch next to her. Ali’s eyes were puffy and tired, but they still had a calming effect on her son. 

“I’m failing one of my classes and might get kicked off of the soccer team.” He confessed. 

Suddenly, things were starting to make a little more sense. 

Jamie continued, “That’s one reason why I think it would be better for me to quit. I’m not able to focus on what I really care about.”

“There’s more to life than soccer.” Ashlyn replied. “You need to be able to balance your life.”

“Soccer is my life.” Jamie stated without hesitation.

Ashlyn didn’t accept his reasoning. “You can’t say that. You don’t know enough about life yet.”

“Mama, I do know enough. My dream isn’t to sit in class all day and learn things I don’t care about. My dream is to play soccer like you guys...and to be the best in the world.” Jamie argued.

Ashlyn involuntarily rolled her eyes.

Bella spoke up, “I bet when you guys wanted to be pro athletes that people doubted you.” 

Jamie’s lip quivered a little when he heard his sister stand up for him. He had been close to giving up on trying to convince them that his dream was worth the risk.

Isabella continued, “Back then you really did need to make sure you had more to fall back on, women’s soccer barely paid a living wage. Jamie’s path will be different from yours’...and I think that’s okay.”

Ash crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes. She stared her daughter down. It took a few moments, but soon her expression softened. She moved her stare to Jamie and said, “I do believe you can make it, whether you graduate, or not. But this is a big decision. When I was your age, I don’t know that I knew enough about what I wanted and what was best for me to even try to make that decision.”

“Mama, I’m not taking this lightly.” Jamie replied. 

Ali had been quieter than she normally would have been. She assumed the medication she was taking dulled her thoughts enough to slow her down, but when she had had enough time to think about a response, she said, “Honey, quitting school shouldn’t be a quick fix to get out of the consequences of failing a class. The least you should do is work to pull your grades up and then make a decision from a place of opportunity instead of desperation.”

In that moment, everyone agreed that Ali made the best and most rational point of the discussion. Ashlyn wondered how even though her wife was sick and drugged up, she still had the talent of out arguing everyone. It was impressive.

...

After dinner with Mackenzie, Samuel needed some space. He left the awkwardness of what was now his life with his girlfriend and visited Lexi. 

Charlie kept quiet as the siblings discussed what had just happened between Sam and Kenzie. When Lexi and Charlie had first gotten serious, he decided he wasn’t going to ask his sister to keep anything from Charlie. It also helped that he was close with the artist. They had been good friends from the start. Charlotte didn’t want to interrupt, or even be part of the conversation. She usually just listened and then let Lexi vent after Sam left. But this time was different.

“She told me that she knew what I was thinking about.” Sam explained. “She said that if she told me what was going on that it would make things more complicated.”

“What does that even mean?” Lex asked. “Tell me exactly what she said.”

“She said that on one hand if she told me what she had been going through that it might make me change my mind...and on the other hand it might make me feel like I don’t have a choice if I do change my mind.” Sam said.

Lex scrunched her face and asked, “What does that even mean?”

“I don’t know!” Sam replied, feeling completely confused and frustrated. “She’s not making any sense. She told me that she needs me to wait for her to figure out what she’s gonna do...After everything that we’ve been through together...I think I owe her whatever amount of time she needs.” Sam sighed as his head dropped. “I think this might kill me.” 

In his mind, it was a real possibility that she was going to break up with him. As much as he wanted to talk it out and change her mind, he knew that she had been more than patient with him in the past. He needed to do the same for her. Regardless of what was going to happen, he loved her and wanted to treat her the way she deserved.

“Well, I think she’s crazy.” Lexi said. She loved Mackenzie, but she was starting to lose patience for her due to the way she was treating Samuel. 

Later that night after Sam had left, Charlie spoke up. 

“You know, I think I know what might be the thing that is complicating things between Sam and Mackenzie.”

Lexi looked at her wife in doubt. “How could you possibly know?”

“Maybe I’m just a little more sensitive to certain things these days than usual...”

...

The house was quiet except for the low volume of the television. Ali turned it on to provide background noise to make the silence feel less awkward. Jacob had left after the argument between Ashlyn and Jamie. He told his little brother that if things got too tense he could stay at his house. Both of them knew that that would probably only cause more problems, but Jake didn’t know how else he could help.

Occasionally, Ali and Bella would have short conversations with each other, but they stayed quiet knowing that both Ashlyn and Jamie were similar in their need to brood over things. Jamie stared at the view of the back yard through the sliding glass doors. His entire body turned away from his parents and sister. 

After a good amount of time had past, Ali shared a mischievous look with Bella and said loudly, “They’re acting like children.”

Bella smiled ever so slightly and added sarcastically, “Like little babies. Maybe Lexi can come over and practice taking care of immature humans.”

Ali thought her daughter’s poking fun at them might have crossed a line, but she couldn’t help but giggle.

The laughing stopped when Jamie left the room.

Ashlyn shook her head in disapproval and muttered, “And we’re the immature ones?” She followed her son into the back yard, leaving Ali and Bella behind.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have laughed.” Ali said. She watched as her wife approached her son carefully. 

Bella disagreed, “It got them talking.” She nodded toward them, signaling that something was happening.

Outside, Ashlyn had just followed her son up the ladder that led into the kids’ old treehouse. 

“I just want what’s best for you.” Ashlyn said, trying to break the ice.

Jamie stretched out his legs in the cramped space and replied, “I know.”

Ash took a long look at her son. She thought he was so handsome. He had the looks and muscles of a grown man...but he was still her baby.

“This world is a tough place.” She said. “You need every advantage to get ahead. A college education is important for your future.”

Jamie stayed quiet.

“You’re more than halfway finished. My college years were some of the best years of my life.” Ash added.

Jamie made no sign of agreement or understanding, so she kept trying. “Jame, when I was a kid I dreamed of a better life. Maybe things have been too easy for you. Maybe you don’t appreciate the opportunities that you’ve been given.”

Jamie laughed in a self-loathing kind of way and asked, “You think my life has been easy?”

Ashlyn immediately regretted her choice of words. “Not completely, but in some ways...yes.”

“I would think you of all people would understand.” Jamie replied. “Did you know that Bella teases me?” 

Ash was about to laugh and roll her eyes and say, “Of course I know she teases you.”

But Jamie’s further explanation stopped her.

“She says that she inherited all the good genes from you and Mom and I got all of the bad ones.” Bella meant it as a playful joke, but Jamie took it to heart.

Ashlyn didn’t know whether to be hurt or angry for her son. “That’s not true.” Ash replied. “There’s nothing wrong with you.”

“She thinks it’s a joke, but it is true.” Jamie said. “I’m the one with depression. I’m the one that isn’t good at school. I’m the one that is unorganized and bad with money. I’m the one who let’s people walk over me.” He looked towards the house where his sister and mother were and added, “Bella is the one who has it together. Not me.”

“Jamie, you are perfect. You’re different than your sister, but that doesn’t mean that either of you is better, or worse than the other.”

“Mama, I never wanted to go to college. I just did it because I knew that I needed another year or two of soccer to get noticed. I only chose to go where I’m going because that’s where Bella said she wanted to go.” Jamie said. “Every day I get up and learn about stuff I don’t want to learn about. I get frustrated with schoolwork that’s hard for people who actually care. All I want to do is play soccer.”

Jamie let his words soak in for a moment. He could tell that his mother was starting to consider his point of view. 

“I’ve had offers to play in Europe. I think I can become a better soccer player if I go. I will grow in my game, and maybe get to play for the National team like you and Mom.” He added.

Ashlyn still looked deep in thought, so he tried one more time to convince her, “I have offers now. What if I get injured? My value can go down. The way I see it, if soccer is what I want to do...which it is...then I need to make decisions that help me grow in my talent and will help me in the future.”

Ashlyn spoke after what felt like hours of silence on her part, “It sounds like you’ve already made your decision.”

“Not really.” Jamie replied. “I wanted to ask you for advice, but we never got that far.”

Ashlyn’s face wore a soft smile of regret. “I guess I didn’t give you much of a chance.”

“I know college is important to you.” Jamie said. “I understand why you’re upset.”

“I’m sorry.” Ashlyn apologized. “I should have let you have more of a voice.”

Jamie shrugged. His tender heart caused his eyes to water. “I’m overwhelmed. I really don’t know what to do. I’m scared to do the wrong thing.”

Ashlyn put her arm around his shoulders and pulled him into a side hug. She sighed and said, “You know, whatever you choose...even if it’s the wrong thing...it will work out. If you quit school and find out it was a mistake, you can go back. We’ll figure this out.”

Ashlyn felt that her perspective was shifting. She should have tried to help Jamie make the right decision for his future in his own mind, instead of fight with him to make the one that she had assumed was correct without giving him a choice in the matter.

“Son...” Ashlyn said. “I’m looking at you...all grown up...but the truth is we’re all still growing. You’ll learn that sometimes mistakes are the best way to grow, so life will go on...it’s not the end of the world...all you can do is what you feel is best at the time.” She added, “Whatever you choose, I support you. Do what you think will help you grow as a player...as a person...do what you think is best.”


	282. Family Is Growing (Part Three)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a FLASHFORWARD chapter.
> 
> This a prompt request.

Mackenzie had her computer open on her lap. She closed it when she heard her boyfriend’s loud truck pull into the driveway. She had thought about what the right thing was for her to do since he had left. It was a pleasant surprise that he was gone for just a little over an hour. She assumed that he might not come home at all that night.

She met him at the door. “Hey...” She said, and opened the door before he had gotten close enough to open it himself.

“Hey.” Sam replied, sounding a lot less excited than his girlfriend seemed. 

Kenzie looped her arm with his and asked, “Would it be okay if we talked?”

He was surprised that she was ready to talk so soon. When he left she was secretive and what little she did share was a confusing mess of non-information.

He nodded and let her lead him to the chair where she had been sitting. She moved her laptop and told him to sit. Mackenzie was a ball of nervous energy. She seemed both excited and terrified. 

She paced back and forth in front of him while he watched in confusion.

“First off, I wanted to tell you that I love you...and that I’m sorry about all of this.” She said.

He nodded along. He decided he wasn’t going to interrupt her now that she was finally making sense.

“The second thing I wanna say is that I don’t want you to ever feel like you owe me anything, or that you’re obligated to stay with me.” 

Sam had decided not to say anything, but it was getting harder with each word she said.

“The third thing I wanna say is...” She added. She had thought through the list and the order of what she had to say. “...I don’t want you to say a word after I show you what I’m about to show you. There’s always so much pressure and expecation and I don’t want either of us to regret anything.”

Sam’s face revealed a deep worry about what Kenzie was about to share. When he failed to acknowledge what she had just said, Mackenzie added, “I’m serious, Sam. I need you to promise that you won’t say anything. I don’t want you to react the way you think I want you to react. I want you to have time to process and then to tell me what you think.”

“Oh...Okay.” Sam stammered.

Mackenzie swallowed hard, trying to push down the fresh batch of nerves she was battling. She picked up her laptop, opened it, and showed Sam the email she had received just a couple days prior. She had been obsessively reading it over and over since it had first arrived in her inbox.

...

“Hello, my favorite parents.” Jake greeted his mothers. He had all 3 of his kids with him. “You sure you can handle them?” He asked.

Ali answered confidently, “I raised you and 4 other children, didn’t I?”

Jacob smiled and replied, “True. But you’re sick. Mama is the one that needs to do all the hard work. You need to rest.”

Ali answered, “I am feeling much better today.” She narrowed her eyes and added, “And no one is going to keep me from my favorite little angels.”

“Whatever you say, Mom.” Jake replied. He wasn’t going to argue with his mother, who also happened to be a free baby sitter.

Jake had recently officially retired from soccer. He could have played a few more years, but his passion for the sport had changed. He had gotten offers for a tv deal with many sports news companies. He agreed to work part time, because he had found out that he loved being a full-time dad. Rachel had a lot of years left in her career before she would want to retire, and Jacob seemed to really appreciate the consistent time with his children after years of traveling for soccer.

“I should be done in a couple of hours.” He said. He gave his mother a kiss and hugged his kids before leaving them to have a fun afternoon with Ali and Ashlyn. 

Ali gathered the children together and led them upstairs where Ashlyn had built a multi room blanket fort for them to play in.

...

Samuel had been distracted all day. After he found out what Kenzie was hiding, and in keeping his promise not to give any kind of response until later, things felt awkward and weird between them. Work was a much needed distraction. Unfortunately, his relationship with Mackenzie and their future together proved to be too much for any amount of work to steer his thoughts away from.

He barely noticed when Ashlyn knocked on his door and entered his office. 

“I need to discuss something with you.” Ashlyn said. She had yet to notice that her son’s attention was practically on another planet.

Samuel seemed surprised to see her. He asked, “Aren’t you supposed to be watching Jake’s kids?”

Ash looked at her watch and answered, “It’s 4 o’clock. We played with them, fed them, and sent them home with a sugar high.”

Samuel nodded. 

“Listen, I need to talk to you about something important.” Ash said, getting back to the reason she was there.

Sam did his best to give her his full attention and said, “Shoot.”

“I don’t know if you’re aware, but your baby brother is thinking about quitting school and moving to another country.” Ashlyn explained as dramatically as possible. She reminded Sam of Ali and Lexi.

“Why would he do that?” Sam asked.

Though Ashlyn had listened to Jamie’s reasons and had softened up her opinion about the possibility of him leaving school and the country, she still felt the need to protect him.

“Some jerks are trying to make money off of him. He’s been getting calls from agents about a few teams in Europe that are interested in signing him.” Ashlyn explained.

Samuel didn’t see the problem. “Doesn’t he want to play soccer professionally?” He asked. 

“Yeah...” Ash answered with a little bit of an attitude. “...but they’re not going to look out for his best interests. They just want to make money off of him.”

“Don’t most athletes need agents?” Sam asked. 

Ashlyn didn’t answer his question, instead she got upset. “You’re missing the point!”

Sam rubbed his temples trying to quiet the dull pain of a stress headache and asked, “What’s the point then?”

“You don’t understand what it’s like to be a parent, or a professional athlete. He’s technically an adult, but as his parent I need to make sure he’s safe...that he’s protected. These people are dangling his hopes and dreams in front of him like a carrot and he might end up getting hurt or ripped off.” She said. She didn’t stop there. “And what about him being apart from us? He can barely manage himself a few hours away where everyone speaks the same language and your Mom and I literally put money in his bank account every month to help him survive. What happens when he has to manage his life on his own? What happens then?”

Samuel felt his heart rate speed up. He was always a source of comfort and calm for his mother, but it seemed that he was the one needing to be calmed and the conversation was making things worse. 

“He’ll learn.” Sam answered. “Everyone has to grow up sometime.”

“Bam, it’s not that simple. When you have a child, you worry about them constantly. As a parent it’s your #1 priority to keep them safe and to make sure they are successful. A parent’s job is to worry about your kids for the rest of your life. If they get hurt, or aren’t successful, it’s a reflection on you. It means you didn’t do enough. You weren’t a good enough parent. You let them down.”

Sam mumbled, “That’s a lot of pressure.” He rubbed the back of his neck anxiously and added, “Maybe you’re worrying too much.”

“Samuel, you can never worry too much. My child is considering going off on his own when he has yet to prove that he can take care of himself when he’s a safe distance away from us. I would be a bad parent not to worry.” 

“Okay...” Sam replied. He was starting to lose his ability to breathe normally.

Ash continued, “The reason I’m here is because I wanted to ask you, just in case anything were to happen to your Mom or me, will you please look after the twins. I know that your big brother and sister will too, but you run the family business. If they ever need a job, I want you to give them one. Don’t let them get away with not working. I want them to work for what you give them, but...just in case their plans fall through...will you take care of them?”

Sam cleared his throat and pulled at his shirt collar to try and loosen it. He nodded that he would do what his mother asked, but she was no longer looking for an answer about taking care of Bella and Jamie. 

“Bam, are you okay?” Ash asked. She had seen her daughter have an anxiety attack many times, and she had had them herself. Samuel, on the other hand, had never experienced one. By the looks of it, he was having one now.

Ashlyn poked her head out of his office door and called out to the receptionist, “Can you call my wife and tell her to come to Sam’s office? Tell her it’s an emergency.”

Ali was next door at the women and children’s shelter she had started years ago. The couple decided to stop by and check on their 2 companies. Ashlyn rushed to Sam’s side and calmly said, “Your Mom has my anxiety medicine in her purse. She’ll be here any minute. Just try to focus on taking slow breaths.”

Sam’s head was spinning. He naturaly bent over to rest on his desk, but Ashlyn pulled him back up. “”It’s better to sit up.” She said. “It helps you breathe.”

Ali was there in what felt like only a few moments. Ash explained what had happened, and they helped Samuel take some of Ashlyn’s medication. Ali rubbed his back and encouraged, “You should feel better soon, Sweetheart.”

It didn’t take long for his nerves to calm down. He sat back in his chair and took more deep breaths than he needed. He made it seem like he was still calming down for the simple fact that he had no idea how to explain why he had just freaked out...and to be honest, he felt a little guilty about it.

“Are you okay, Sammy? Do you want us to call Mackenzie?” Ali asked. She continued to rub his back.

Sam quickly replied, wanting to make sure his girlfriend wasn’t alerted of what had just happened. “No!” He said. “I...umm...” He took a few more breaths and said, “We’re kinda going through something. I’m not supposed to tell anyone.”

Ali ad Ash shared a look. Neither had any idea what was going on. 

“Sweetheart...” Ali said gently. “...maybe it would be okay for you to tell Lexi. Mackenzie knows how close you are. I bet you would feel better.”

Sam forced a smile and said, “I have to handle this on my own.” 

He worried that his choice of words woud come back to haunt him. The situation between him and Mackenzie was a big deal, but it wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. But he didn’t know how to communicate that without getting more questions.

It took almost an hour of discussion, but he convinced his parents that he was okay and that they didn’t need to hover protectively over him. 

Once they left, he felt like he could breathe again. There was so much going on in his brain that the quiet felt almost settling. He lowered his head until his forehead touched the surface of his desk. He closed his eyes and focused on the calm that had suddenly surrounded him. He took a few more deep breaths, lifted his head, opened his eyes, and did what he knew he had to do.

...

Lexi’s hand naturally found it’s way to her growing belly these days. She did it unconsciously. Her connection with her unborn daughter was growing stronger by the day. 

“Charlotte, you always get sick when you work too much and don’t get enough sleep.” Lexi scolded. “I think you need to cut down on your hours...especially once the baby gets here.”

“Babe, you married an artist that has weird hours. I can’t help when I get inspired.” Charlie answered. She downed a couple pills for her headache and added, “And we both need to get used to a no sleep schedule once our little Flower gets here.”

Lexi narrowed her eyes, making it appear that she was going to argue her point, but she didn’t have it in her, so instead she swooned. “Are you going to call our daughter, Flower?” 

Charlie shrugged and answered, “I don’t know. If she’s half as beautiful as you it might be hard to find the right nicknames to describe her. She’ll be delicate at first...ya know, because she’s a tiny, little baby...and she’ll be really precious and gorgeous like you...so maybe ‘Flower’ is fitting...like a little rose, or lilly...”

Lexi loved listening to her wife talk about their baby. She had an active imagination and loved dreaming up all sorts of wonderful things about their unborn child.

“I don’t know what I’ll call her...” Charlie said. “All I really know is that I’m totally in love her...and her beautiful mother.”

Lex cupped Charlie’s face in her hands and pulled her in for a kiss. “I love you.” She said, before kissing her again. “You are everything I have ever dreamed of.” 

Charlie replied with a wide grin, “Someone’s hormonal...”

...

When Sam had returned home after work, his girlfirend burst into tears. 

“What’s wrong?” Samuel asked and rushed to her side.

Mackenzie shied away from his touch. 

“Kenze?” Sam said, taking a step back. He searched for the right words to say to fix the mess they found themselves in. “You said you wanted to wait to talk about things. So we wouldn’t regret saying something in the heat of the moment. I was just doing what you asked.”

Mackenzie wiped at her eyes and said, “That’s not what I’m upset about.”

“Then what?” Sam asked. “What did I do wrong?”

“Your Mom called.” Mackenzie answered. “She said that you had some kind of anxiety attack. You couldn’t breathe.”

Sam nodded in confirmation and Macknzie continued.

“She was worried about you. She said you didn’t want me to know, but she wanted me to keep an eye on you, so she told me.” Kenzie said. She added, “She didn’t know that I was the reason you were freaking out.”

Samuel held up one finger and said, “Hold on.”

He left his girlfriend with tear-filled eyes when he hurried out to his truck to get something he had picked up on the way home. When he came back inside he held a white plastic bag rolled up in his hands. It’s contents were small enough to look like the bag could have been empty. He tucked it into his back pocket and poured out his heart to his girlfriend. 

She was a little surprised by his abrupt exit, but they both were used to experiencing the unexpectant together...and she really loved that about them.

“Kenze, here’s the thing. I think we both don’t want the other to feel pressured into making a choice that we’re not ready to make.” He said. “As much as I love you for trying to protect me from feeling like I have to do something, this isn’t something I can decide for you.”

The look on Kenzie’s face made it clear that Sam needed to continue, and he needed to be quick about explaining exactly what he meant. 

“In my family, children are always welcome. They are a priority. Even if they bring difficulty, we consider them a blessing. My parents taught us that there was always room for another child in our home.” He said. “But on the other hand, my parents also stressed the importance of women having a voice and choosing what they want to do wiith their bodies, and that it’s not always an easy answer...and that we need to respect that and be supportive of that. I guess what I’m saying is that whatever you choose to do, I will support you.”

Even though she knew exactly what Sam was saying, Kenzie looked as if she was as confused as ever about what the right thing to do was. 

Sam continued, “In a perfect world, if you knew that I would be on board with you 100%, what is the scenario that would make you the happiest?” 

Kenzie answered without hesitation, “Whatever would make you happy.”

Sam scratched his head in a frustrated type of way. He really loved Mackenzie’s desire to make everyone else happy, but that wasn’t what he was asking. 

“Kenze, what do YOU want? Do you want to have a baby right now? Is that what you want?”

Mackenzie’s head dropped. Sam saw tear drops fall down her cheeks. He stretched out his hand and lifted her face. He wiped her tears and said, “The happiest scenario for me is a happy you.”

Mackenzie asked, “Then why did you freak out earlier with your parents?”

Sam felt ashamed. He felt as if his breakdown was a sign of weakness. “I was scared.” He answered honestly. “My Ma was talking to me about Iz and Jame and how even though they’re adults, that as their parent she will always feel a need to take care of them. She made me promise that if anything happened to her and my Mom that I would take care of them, too.”

He cleared his throat, “It probably had something to do with the fact that you’re pregnant and I have no idea how to be a dad, but it also had to do with thinking about losing my parents and taking care of the twins, and making sure that the family business was successful enough to be able to give them jobs if they ever need one...” 

He bit his lip and shrugged. He didn’t have any other words to explain. 

“I’m scared, too.” Mackenzie said.

“What scares you?” Sam asked. 

Mackenzie answered, “Losing you.”

Samuel smiled and said reassuringly, “That won’t happen. You don’t have to be scared about that.”

“What if I don’t love our baby?” She asked, saying out loud the other thought that scared her.

In Sam’s mind, there was no way that was even a possibility.

Kenzie continued, “I know what you’re thinking, but my mother left. She used me as leverage to get more money from my father. That’s all I was to her was a way to get rich. What if I...”

“Kenze, that will never happen.” He said. “You’re the kindest, most loving person in the world. You find a way to care about people who are jerks. A baby...our baby...will be the easiest person for you to love.” Sam smiled and added as a joke, “Except for me, of course.”

“I think I want to have this baby.” Mackenzie said, finally being completely honest. “If that’s what you want...”

Sam shook his head. She still was putting him first. He knelt down in front of her and pulled out the rolled up bag from his back pocket. 

“This is what would make me happy.” He said, before handing the bag to her. 

A fresh batch of tears came when she saw the smallest baby onesie she had ever seen. Wrapped up inside it was a a pacifier with a little mustache printed on the front of it. 

“I think babies with mustaches are funny.” Sam explained. He wanted to do something that would prove to Mackenzie that he really did want to have a child with her. He wanted to prove to her that he wasn’t just agreeing with her after the fact of her stating it. A gift bought for their baby, before they had the conversation, seemed to be the only way he could think of to accomplish that. 

Mackenzie let out what sounded like a laugh and a sob. She was smiling, so Sam knew that she was happy.

Sam continued, “There’s one more thing in the bottom of the bag. It’s small, so it’s easy to miss.”

Mackenzie wiped her eyes before sticking her hand back in the bag. At first she thought her boyfriend must be playing a trick on her. All she felt was empty space, but in the corner of the crumpled up bag she felt something small and hard. Immediately, she knew exactly what it was.

Sam smiled and explained, “I wanted to prove to you what would make me the happiest man in the world...”

...

Later that week the entire family gathered at Ashlyn and Ali’s house for dinner. Samuel and Mackenzie were late...which wasn’t too out of the ordinary. Lexi complained about them being late...which was also not out of the ordinary. 

“Me and the baby are hungry.” She whined. Charlie gave her a squeeze around her waist and a quick kiss for comfort. She thought her pregant wife was adorable. 

Ali offered her hungry daughter a roll. 

Lexi continued to complain. “He’s always late.”

“Sweetheart...” Ali said. “...eat your roll.”

Samuel and Mackenzie ended up being almost an hour late. At the end of the night, all was forgiven when Sam and Mackenzie said that they had an announcement to make. 

Mackenzie whispered, “Actually 3 announcements.” 

Sam looked at her in confusion. Kenzie spoke wordlessly to him through eye contact. His forehead scrunched up as he tried to read her mind. Suddenly he got it.

“Oh, yeah!” He announced. “We have 3 different things we need to tell you.” He whispered to her, “What should we start with? What order?”

She shrugged. She had no idea, or prefrence for the order.

“Oh, my God!” Lexi exclaimed in frustration. “Just say whatever you need to say. The baby and I need dessert.”

Sam’s eyes grew big as he realized something he hadn’t thought about. He stepped in front of Mackenzie and turned around, so that he completely blocked her from his family. All anyone could see was his back. 

Sam whispered, “I just thought about something.”

Mackenzie poked her head out to the side to see her boyrfriend’s family akwardly staring at them, waiting for an explanation. She moved back so that she was blocked. 

“What?” She whispered back.

Samuel nervously rubbed his neck and answered, “Lex...she’s gonna be ticked that I didn’t tell her first.” He was sincerely worried that she might try to hurt him. “She hits hard when she’s mad at me.”

Kenzie poked her head out again to see the family and brought it back again before saying, “I guess you can tell her first.”

Sam turned around and said, “Can you guys just...like...hold on a minute?” 

He pulled Mackenzie toward Lex and whispered to his sister to follow them into another room.

“What the heck, Sam?” 

Everyone heard Lexi start to lecture her little brother, but it was cut short. After a few moments they heard her start to cry.

When the 3 of them returned, Charlie hurried to escort Lexi back to the table. She tried to ask if Lex was okay, but her pregnant wife shushed her and directed her attention to Sam and Mackenzie. 

Sam put his arm around Kenzie’s shoulder and pulled her close before announcing, “First off, we are very happy to tell you that Kenze is pregnant!”

The room erupted. Lexi, who was the most emotional of the group found herself being the one to tell everyone to calm down.  
 “There’s more.” Lexi said. 

Samuel met his big sister’s eyes and they both smiled before he added, “We’re also getting married.”

Sam gave his little brother a dirty look when Jamie said, “It’s about time.”

“And last but not least...” He finished, “...the wedding is in 2 weeks. We’ll take care of all the details. You guys just have to clear your schedules.”

Ashlyn thought for sure her wife was about to black out. There was way too much information for her mind to sort through. A baby. An engagement. A wedding...in 2 weeks. 

Kenzie explained, “Sam planned an amazing trip...” She smiled at Lexi and added, “...with the help of Lex. He was going to propose in 2 weeks on the trip, but things happened and he proposed at home with a beautiful gesture involving our baby.” 

Mackenzie’s mind started to wander as she thought about their child and how happy she was that they were starting a family. When she realized that she had gotten sidetracked, she continued what she had started to say, “It’s a special place for us. Really, it’s the perfect place for us to get married. We realize it’s really short notice. But we mean it when we say that we will take care of everything.”

Sam corrected her, “What she means is, we’re going to pay people to take care of everything.” 

Mackenzie, filled with half embarassment and half amusement, elbowed Samuel in the stomach. 

She looped their arms together and said, “It’s going to be a small wedding. Not many more than who’s here, actually. We don’t want to make it a big deal. We want to make it about all of us.” She gestured to the whole family. “You all mean a lot to us. We want to celebrate you when we celebrate our lives together.”

Sam added, “We also figured that if we pay for you to go to our wedding, that you can’t judge us for getting pregnant before we’re legally married. We’re bribing you to not be judgmental jerks.”

Samuel gave his fiance’ a kiss on the top of her head and said, “I’ll be right back.”

He motioned for his parents to follow him to another room for some privacy.

“Mom, you look freaked.” He said before giving Ali a bear hug. He lifted her off the ground and shook her gently to try to lighten the mood.

Ali smiled tearfully and said, “It’s a lot.”

“Are you happy for us?” Sam asked. It was the first sign of any doubt in his mind that evening. To him, he shared nothing but good news.

Ali exhaled loudly. Her wife cut in. “Bam, she’s overwhelmed with joy.”

“Really?” Sam asked. His forehead wrinkled with worry.

Ali nodded and smiled through tears. It took her a little while to catch her breath and settle her emotions. When she steadied herself she said, “Baby, I love you and Mackenzie. I can’t wait to meet your sweet little angel.”

She hugged him sweetly and then added in a stern voice, “But only giving me 2 weeks to get ready for your wedding isn’t fair.”

Ashlyn laughed at her dramatic wife.

Ali didn’t like it one bit. “I’m serious!” Ali said. “I wanna lose at least 5 or 10 pounds. I have to find a dress.” Ali looked at her wife and said, “We have to pick out the perfect gift for them. I’m gonna have to find a new suit for you. I’m stressed out just thinking about everything.”

“Mom, we’re all gonna go on a 2 day hike together to get to the wedding location. You don’t have to worry about what you’re going to wear.” Sam replied. He was trying to comofort his mother, but it had the reverse affect.

“What? You’re going to get married after a long hike?” She asked, feeling disgusted by the thought. “What about lighting and bathrooms? Are you going to serve beef jerky and trail mix at the reception?”

Sam hesitated before answering. Ashlyn wondered if Ali had offended him. She covered her mouth to hold back her laughter when he finally answered, “Probably not trail mix...but I do love beef jerky.”

He put his hands on Ali’s shoulders to try to calm her down and said, “Mom, I have no idea about all of the details. Kenze and I don’t care. What we care about is our family and friends having a good time...and doing things our way. She’s been to every kind of party and big event you can imagine. She’s experienced every luxury that’s out there...and she has decided that they are hollow, shallow attempts at trying to impress people. We just want to love you guys and share what we’re about with you.”

Ashlyn put an arm around Ali’s shoulders. Both she and Sam supported the former defender as Ali thought through what her son had just told her. 

Sam finally let his hands drop to his side and after he shrugged added, “If you want to feel fancy, you can fly in by helicopter like Kenzie’s Dad.”

Ali’s jaw dropped. “You’re lying...”

“He’s not up to the challenge of the adventure of getting to the perfect spot. We had to tell him he could fly in, instead of having to sleep in a tent and hike the whole way.” Sam explained with a smile. “Knowing him, he’ll probably wear a tux...and maybe a top hat.”

Ashlyn loved the visual her son had just described to them. She shook her wife in excitement and said, “That would be amazing!”

Ali rolled her eyes and mumbled, “Great. Now I’m gonna have to find her a top hat.”

Ash grinned, revealing Ali’s favorite dimple and asked, “Do you think I could get one with a feather?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I was writing this update, the chapter got super long. This is about 2/3 of what was written, so the next update should be up soon.


	283. Family Is Growing (Part Four)

Ash and Ali were still recovering from the shock of Samuel’s big news. As happy as Ali was for her son and future daughter-in-law, there were too many unknown details for her to worry about. Poor Ashlyn hadn’t had a moment of peace since the announcement. 

“Alex, you need to relax. Just focus on the fact that we’re getting another mini human in our family.” Ashlyn said, trying to take her wife’s focus off of the newest stress in their lives.

Ali huffed in frustration, “How am I supposed to relax? Everyone is acting like a trip on the side of a mountain is something common...like it’s the same thing as walking down the street.”

Ali’s words gave Ashlyn an idea. “Remember that time when Samuel went running down the street completely naked?” She asked. “I had just given him a bath and turned around for a second to grab his clothes, and the next thing I knew he was gone.”

Ali smiled thinking back on how often he liked to run around without clothes on. “That kid gave me so many grey hairs.” Ali said. 

“Thankfully, he stopped before he was old enough for it to be creepy...and also thank goodness for hair dye.” Ash said with a laugh. “Remember that time when he tried to convince us that the twins were plotting against all of us. He said that even though they were babies at the time, that they spoke their own language and that they were waiting to attack us all.”

“His little imagination was always so cute.” Ali replied. “And maybe they weren’t waiting to attack us the way that Sammy thought, but once they were old enough they attacked us with every prank imaginable.”

Both women broke out into laughter. 

Ali quieted down and thoughtfully said, “He was such a good big brother.”

“Still is.” Ash added. 

“Yeah.” Ali agreed. “You’re right. He’s so special.”

Ali continued, “I want him to be happy. I want him to have the wedding of his dreams, but I don’t know how it’s all going to work out. He’s a dreamer. He has a wild and beautiful imagination...I just don’t want him to be disappointed.”

...

“Hey, Ugly.” Sam said as he helped himself to a seat in his sister’s law office.

“Dummy.” Lexi greeted with a welcoming nod.

“Jake wants to throw me a bachelor party.” Samuel said. “He said it’s usually the best man’s job to plan something. Kenze and I weren’t really expecting anything since the wedding is so soon.”

Lexi asked, “What did you tell him?”

Sam smiled and answered, “I told him he should talk to you.”

Lexi asked in confusion, “Why would he need to talk to me?”

Samuel grinned and answered, “Cuz you’re my best man. Duh.”

A small smile slowly developed on Lex’s lips. 

“I mean...you’re my best everything...Your my man of honor, best maid...or whatever.” Sam added. “You gotta be the one standing next to me, right?”

Lexi nodded and tried not to get overly hysterical. She had a tendency to make a big deal out of things, and with the added fact that her pregnancy made her super emotional, she didn’t want to come off too touched by the gesture...even though it meant the whole, entire world to her.

“I guess so.” Lexi answered nonchalantly. Her serious and calm tone barely lasted a few seconds before she jumped from her desk chair and crushed him in a hug. “Of course! It would be an honor to stand next to you, Sammy.” 

Sam nodded and said, “Then it’s settled.”

He pulled himself out of her embrace and started to leave. 

“Where are you going, Weirdo?” Lexi asked with an eye roll and a laugh. She was used to her brother making awkward entrances and exits.

“That’s all I had to say.” He answered. “Oh, maybe one more thing...”

Lexi leaned forward and asked, “What?”

“Jake is mad at you because Kenze asked Rachel to be her maid of honor and he thinks you took his place as best man so...” Sam shrugged and added, “So, you’ll have to deal with that.”

Sam found his way to the door and turned around just before leaving and said, “Oh and um...Jamie is mad, too.”

...

Ali’s mind had been planning nonstop since her son’s announcement. “Knowing our Sammy, he’s gonna forget to pack something. Maybe I should bring a few extra things just in case.” Ali said. She had been sharing her random thoughts about their son’s soon coming wedding with her wife for over an hour. 

Ashlyn asked, “Like what?” 

“Can’t you just imagine him with a scruffy face because he forgot to pack a razor?” Ali asked, thinking she made her point.

Ash shrugged and answered with a question, “So what if he does?”

After years of marriage the look that Ali gave Ashlyn had become far too familiar. In a single look she was able to communicate disapproval and terror.

Ali replied, “I just don’t understand why it has to happen so soon. And why does it have to be on the side of a mountain?”

Samuel had answered the exact same question when Ashlyn asked it the day before. “Sam said that he had spent over two years finding the perfect place to propose. He said that he didn’t want to waste it.”

Ali argued with his logic, “Well, then he should have waited to propose.”

“Babe, Mackenzie is pregnant. He said that she was worried about a lot of things and that doing it at their house, and involving their child, was the perfect time to do it. You know Sam...he has his own way of doing things.” Ash explained. 

Ali still didn’t approve. “Honey, what about everyone else who wants to be a part of his big day? We have so many friends and family that will want to be there, but won’t be able to hike up a mountain and sleep in the wild.”

“You know what everybody says when engaged couples are planning their weddings. They always say, ‘It doesn’t matter what other people want. It’s your wedding. Do what you want.’ ...This is what they want.”

Ali couldn’t argue. She had used that reasoning a number of times in the past. “I still don’t like it.” Ali said. “And I don’t like that we have such little involvement in the planning.”

“I think that they feel they are making things easier for us.”

Ali answered simply, “He’s our baby.”

“Soon he’ll be Mackenzie’s husband and a father to his own baby.” Ashlyn replied. 

Ali stepped into her wife’s arms. She let her face rest against Ashlyn’s shoulder and said, “We should have never let him grow up.”

Ashlyn smiled, thinking about their little boy and all the mischief he caused when he was a kid. Soon he would have his hands full with his own child, who Ashlyn had no doubt would be full of shenanigans and pranks just like he was.

...

The following day Ashlyn had asked Lexi and Sam to meet her for lunch. She told Ali she had a business meeting and that she would be on her own for a few hours. After a short lecture from her wife about why it was unhealthy for Ashlyn to still act as if she was obligated to do things for work after retirement, Ali let her go.

Ashlyn wasted no time getting to her purpose for the lunch. “I had to listen to your mother worry about every possible thing that could go wrong during a wedding that’s on a mountain.”

Sam fidgeted in his seat, but didn’t respond. Lexi narrowed her eyes and was about ready to defend her brother’s wedding wishes when Ashlyn cut her off.

“Relax.” Ash said, mostly directed at her daughter. “I think that if you would allow us...” She directed her next words towards Sam. “...to throw you a reception closer to home, where more people can celebrate with us, while giving your Mom a way to contribute...I think she will feel much better about it.”

Lexi tried to read Sam’s face to see how she should proceed. She thought it was a great idea, but she also knew that Samuel and Mackenzie were always trying to make everyone else happy, and she felt that this was the time for them to think of themselves first.

Samuel didn’t know what to say. He remained silent.

Ashlyn felt she needed to add more of what her wife had talked about. “It’s just that you’re our son. We took care of you from when you were a baby. We watched you grow up and we’re so proud of you. This wedding is of course, about you and Kenzie, but it’s also about how awesome you turned out. There are a lot of people who have shared in your life and I know that you wouldn’t want any of them to feel like they didn’t matter to you.”

Ashlyn’s last few words upset Lexi. They sounded manipulative to her. The thought that Sam was going to hurt their friends because of his wedding plans, made Lexi feel like her little brother had been backed into a corner. 

“He shouldn’t change his plans because you’re trying to make him feel guilty.” Lexi said.

Ashlyn was surprised by the accusation. “That’s not what I’m trying to do.” Ash probably should have stopped there, but she felt the need to defend herself. “How do you think Jake and Rachel are going to deal with 3 children on an overnight hiking trip, that I’m assuming is more than a brisk stroll in the park.”

Sam’s heart sank. His newest nephew had special needs and was limited physically. There was no way he would be able to walk on his own the whole way. 

Ashlyn continued, “How about you?” She said to Lexi. “You’re pregnant. You will need to get a trip like that cleared with your doctor before you should even consider doing it.”

Now Lexi was mad. She thought her mother should have waited to mention her possible health limitations in private. 

“And...” Ash added. “...as much as I hate to admit, I probably need to do the same thing with my cardiologist because of my heart.”

Samuel felt sick. He was moments away from cancelling the wedding. 

Lexi didn’t notice. Her mind was focused on arguing her point with her mother. She replied, “You might as well tell them to elope.” She waved her hand in Sam’s direction, but continued to speak as if he wasn’t there. “Is that what you want? For none of us to be a part of his wedding?”

Ashlyn’s eyes flicked in her son’s direction. She was about to argue further, but his eyes were starting to look glossy. She had just watched him have an anxiety attack a few days ago, she wasn’t going to be the one to push him over the edge again. Ashlyn held up a finger toward Lexi, telling her that their conversation needed to wait. She stretched out her hand until it touched Sam’s leg. 

“Bam, are you okay?”

The touch pulled him out of his thoughts. “I guess...maybe it was a bad idea.” He mumbled.

Lex was close to exploding, but again Ashlyn held up a finger. 

“Son, I’m just giving you things to think about. We still want to do this. We just need to make sure that the details are taken care of...that’s all.”

Samuel started thinking out loud. “I guess we could have Rachel and the kids come when Kenzie’s Dad comes. That way they don’t have to worry about the hard stuff.” He looked at Lex and said, “You don’t have to do it, if you don’t want to. I know you’re not the outdoor type, anyway.”

It was true. Lexi hated the idea...but she loved that it was something that would make Sam and Mackenzie happy...so she wanted to be a part of it. She was actually excited about doing it because it was 100% Sam and Kenzie’s personality. They didn’t care about traditions, or social norms. They were totally weird...and totally perfect for each other.

Sam continued, “Maybe just me, Kenze, Jake, and the twins should do it...but then Kenzie might feel like everyone’s there for me.”

Lexi took his hand and said, “If my doctor says I can go, I’m going. Either way, Charlie will go...maybe Mom and Mama can watch the kids, so both Rachel and Jake can go.”

It felt like whatever wind was left in Sam’s sails had gone. Ashlyn regretted everything. 

“Listen...” Ash said. “...when it comes to weddings, everyone has an opinion. You need to do what you think is best. Your Mom and I will figure it out.”

Lexi leaned forward, squeezed her brother’s hand and asked, “What are you thinking?”

Samuel answered in part confusion and part exhaustion, “I don’t know...I guess it’s up to Kenzie.”

Both Ash and Lex nodded knowingly. He was already starting to sound like a good husband.

...

It had been an hour since Samuel had lunch with his mother and sister. For the entire time back at work he was feeling like his great idea for his and Mackenzie’s wedding was an epic failure. Two years wasted searching for the perfect place to declare his love to the woman of his dreams. If it wasn’t for his desire to find the perfect place, he would have proposed a long time ago. He felt like an idiot.

Sam’s frustration was interrupted by his fiance. 

“Hey there, Handsome.” Mackenzie greeted. Her voice swept through the tension in Sam’s mind and cleared a path for a moment of peace.

Samuel stood up and met her halfway between his door and desk. He gave her a quick kiss and offered her his chair. Mackenzie preferred his lap over anywhere else she could have chosen to sit. She playfully pushed him down into the seat and then took her place in his lap. 

She threw her arms around him and said, “I missed you. I hope you don’t mind. We usually have lunch together. I know you’re busy, but I needed to see you.”

Samuel wasn’t going to complain. He felt like he really needed to see her too.

Mackenzie added without any thought of worry, “How was lunch?”

Though Sam’s poker face was much better than his fiance, Mackenzie had learned to read him. She knew immediately after the question was asked that something was wrong.

“You okay?” She asked. 

Sam nodded slowly and after a brief pause, he answered her, “Lex is super pregnant. She probably won’t be able to go to our wedding.” 

Kenzie shook her head and argued optimistically, “She’s not that pregnant.”

Sam continued, “Ma has to get it approved by her doctor, too.”

Mackenzie didn’t argue.

“Benny won’t be able to take the physical stress of the hike. He’ll have to be carried.” Sam added. “Asher probably will, too. They’re both too little.”

Sam’s face showed signs of worry. Mackenzie rubbed his shoulder, trying to help him relax.

“My family is stressing me out.” Sam finally said with a sigh. “Are we doing the wrong thing?”

Now it was Mackenzie’s turn to show signs of doubt. She answered, “We can change our plans...if that’s what you want.”

Samuel leaned his head into Mackenzie’s chest and asked, “Was it a bad idea? Would you prefer getting married somewhere else? Somewhere more normal?”

Kenzie ran her fingers through his hair and kissed the top of his head before answering, “I love your idea.” 

“Even if it means everyone else thinks we’re crazy?” Sam asked. 

Kenzie let out a soft chuckle and answered, “Everyone already thinks we’re crazy.”

“I want my family to be a part of it, but I don’t want to change our plans.” He said. “What should we do?”

Mackenzie didn’t answer. She didn’t want to pressure him in any direction.

Sam continued to vent, “I love my family. I love how close we are, but right now it’s just making everything harder.”

Immediately Sam felt bad for what he said. Kenzie picked up on it and tried to act as if she wasn’t affected by what he said, but she couldn’t hide her feelings. 

“I’m sorry.” Sam said. “I’m an idiot.”

Kenzie’s family wasn’t as close as Sam’s. That was one reason why she adored the Krieger-Harris clan so much. Their love and constant care for one another was a breath of fresh air to her. She was close with her father. He was always her closest friend growing up, but outside of him she felt very alone. 

Sam asked, “Have you invited your Mom?”

Kenzie shook her head, “I don’t want her there if she doesn’t want to be there.”

“How do you know if she wants to be there unless you ask her?”

Mackenzie sighed sadly and answered, “She doesn’t care about me.”

“But do you want her there?”

Kenzie fidgeted in Sam’s lap before answering, “She doesn’t want to be there. I don’t need to ask...and I don’t want her there unless she really wants to be there.”

Samuel could see that she was getting upset. He didn’t want to pressure her, or make her feel worse about her mother’s lack of interest in her life. He chose to stay quiet rather than make matters more painful by saying the wrong thing.

The couple maintained a comfortable silence for several minutes. Sam had learned that often the very best thing he could do when he didn’t know what else to do, was to keep his mouth shut and hold his fiance close.

After the sadness had been replaced by Sam’s quiet and steady supportive affection, Mackenzie spoke up. 

“Don’t forget you have a date with Isabella tonight.” She said, knowing that Sam had a difficult time keeping track of his schedule. 

“I do?” Sam asked, proving Kenzie’s assumption correct. 

She smiled sweetly and answered, “You’re taking her out to dinner. I ordered flowers for you to give to her. Your parents are taking Jamie out to discuss his future plans.” Mackenzie laughed, “You don’t remember any of this?”

Samuel smiled and with a great amount of unintended charm answered, “All I’ve been able to think about lately is you.”

...

“They’re going to elope!” Lexi complained. “They’re going to decide that it’s not worth the hassle to have us all there and they’re going to run off and get married without us...Mark my my words, Charlotte.”

Charlie calmly began to rub her wife’s lower back. “How does that feel?” 

Lexi was steaming mad at her mother, but the massaging hands of her wife were doing wonders to bring her temper down.

“Baby, don’t you think they should be able to get married however they want?” Lexi asked. 

Charlie nodded in agreement while she continued to press out the knots in Lexi’s back. 

“Mmmm.” Lexi hummed. The pressure hurt, but in the good sort of way that releases tension. 

“Feel good?” Charlie asked. 

Lex closed her eyes and moaned, “Yes.”

The anger had completely evaporated. 

“I can’t miss my little brother’s wedding. I never thought this day would come. He needs me there.” Lexi added before dropping the subject completely and letting her wife spoil her with affection.

...

Samuel woke up with a cough. Something felt tight against his chest. Another cough before he opened his eyes and everything came rushing back. 

Bella was with him. He turned his head and saw that the passenger side of his truck had been hit by another vehicle. All of his airbags had been deployed, but he couldn’t tell if his sister was okay. He unhooked his seat belt and stretched towards Bella to feel for her pulse. 

Her heartbeat felt strong. He let out a breath of relief and felt tears well up in his eyes. He needed to make sure she was safe. He did all he could to wake her up, but she wouldn’t open her eyes. It dawned on him that he needed to call for help and he needed to check on the other driver.

It didn’t take long for him to hear the woman in the SUV crying. 

“Are you okay?” He asked. He felt a tightness in his chest with every breath he took. 

She apologized through tears. 

He helped her out of her vehicle and returned to his sister’s side.

“Iz...” He said. “...you need to wake up.” He held her hand and waited for help to arrive.

When the ambulance arrived, he was near unconscious himself. 

The paramedics tried to split the siblings up into different ambulances, but Sam wouldn’t budge from his little sister’s side. He refused care until Bella was awake at the hospital. 

“It’s just a broken arm and collar bone.” Bella said when her family rushed into her room. “Oh, and a concussion.” She added. The college student didn’t seem to think that her injuries were a big deal. 

“How’s your brother?” Ali asked. 

Bella winked at Jamie and joked, “He looks fine to me...except for his usual hideousness.” 

Bella thought she was hilarious. Everyone else was worried sick.

“Sam’s fine.” Bella promised. “He was with me before you got here. We’re both fine.”

In Samuel’s room Mackenzie and Ashlyn watched as doctors poked and prodded him. He had a concussion like his sister and some bruised ribs. His face and neck were scraped and slightly burned from the airbag. His biggest complaint was the pain in his chest where the seatbelt held him in place during the impact. 

Besides the medical chatter from the staff and a few quiet moans of pain from Samuel due to the nurses’ and doctor’s jostling, the room was silent. 

The doctor directed her analysis at Mackenzie, “He should be sore for a few weeks. He has some burns and cuts that will need to be treated everyday to keep off infection.” The kind woman handed her several prescriptions. “I want to keep him overnight just to be careful. He doesn’t remember pieces of the accident, probably because of the head injury. I want to make sure we don’t miss anything.”

“Thank you.” Mackenzie replied. 

After everyone had cleared the room, Ashlyn asked Kenzie, “You okay?”

She nodded wordlessly, trying to keep a brave face, but her sudden tears gave her away.

Sam squeezed her hand and Ashlyn wrapped her up in a hug. “He’s been doing this to us his whole life.” Ash said. “We were in and out of emergency rooms constantly. We learned a long time ago that he’s tough and it takes a lot to keep him down.”

Samuel was so thankful his mother was there. His head ached and he wasn’t sure he could find the words to comfort his fiance. 

“He scared me to death.” She confessed. “I thought I might lose him.”

No one told Mackenzie that there was any reason to worry. In fact, when Sam called her he sounded completely coherent and fine. It was after he hung up with her and had fought with the nurses to let him stay with Bella while she was treated, that he started feeling whoozy and out of it. 

Though both Sam and Bella had minor injuries that would heal with time, Mackenzie felt as if she almost lost the most important person in her life. It terrified her to think about a world with Samuel.

“He’s probably not gonna have much to say for a while.” Ash said, after sharing a look with her son. “His head got knocked around and with the adrenaline that kept him conscious right after the crash, he’s probably worn out.”

Sam nodded.

“But I’m sure he’s glad you’re here and wants you to stay close.” Ash added.

Samuel nodded again and gave a small, but sincere smile. He squeezed Mackenzie’s hand one more time before closing his eyes. He was ready to fall asleep. Once he did, Kenzie took a closer look at his wounds. 

“Poor thing.” She said quietly. She kissed his messy haired head and added, “Can I tell you something?”

Ashlyn replied, “Of course.”

“He offered my mother money to come to our wedding.” Kenzie shared. “My Dad told me. Sam told him about it. He didn’t want me to know, because he knew it would hurt my feelings that she didn’t want to come on her own.”

Ash felt like she needed to listen more than speak, so she let her future daughter-in-law continue. 

“I’m not mad about it.” Kenzie confessed. “I know he doesn’t understand what it’s like to have a mother that doesn’t care. He probably assumed that there was no way she would say no.”

“I’m sorry.” Ash said, knowing that there were no words that would bring comfort in the moment. 

Mackenzie stared at Sam’s sleeping face for a while before replying. “He’s so hopeful...especially when it comes to me. You would think that I could do no wrong, and that everyone loves me as much as he does.”

“Maybe he has a good reason to feel that way about you.” Ash said with a smile. “You know, I had a complicated relationship with my mother. It took time for us to figure things out. I think as the daughter in the relationship, I had to be careful how much weight I let her bad choices and opinion of me have in my life. It was hard at first, but my wife and our family really redefined what I knew to be true about family...and about myself.”

“How could you ever forgive her?” Mackenzie asked. Ashlyn’s childhood was no secret to her. She knew the rejection her future mother-in-law had experienced from both of her parents. 

Ash shrugged and answered, “I don’t know. I think I slowly realized that her opinion of me didn’t matter as much as I used to think. I also began to realize that she, like everyone else, was flawed and broken. I tried to see things from her position. Though I don’t think I could ever make the same decisions she made, I can see how being a young mother in an abusive relationship could drive her to an addiction that would run her life.”

“But as a mother, shouldn’t it be easy to love your child and always choose them first?” Kenzie asked. She thought about her baby and the man that would soon be her husband. She couldn’t imagine how the perfect, pure love that she had for them could ever be corrupted, or lessened...but deep down she worried that one day it might be.

Ash shook her head and answered as honestly as she could, “It should be easy...yes. But for some, it’s not. But you won’t have that problem...that’s for certain. You and Sam-Bam will make mistakes, but your children will know they are loved.”

“I don’t want to hurt either of them.” Mackenzie replied, nodding toward Sam...thinking of what her mother put her and her father through.

Ashlyn stared at her son’s sleeping face and at the way that Mackenzie was tenderly holding his hand and said, “Your mother doesn’t get to decide what kind of a wife and mother you are. That’s up to you, and everything that I know about you makes me feel confident that you won’t let my son or your children down.”

...

Ali later joined Ash and Mackenzie in Sam’s room. She said that the twins were arguing over who was the best looking, smartest, and the best at getting people to do what they wanted. She said that halfway through their conversation she knew that Bella was fine and she felt comfortable leaving her side to check on Samuel. 

Ashlyn didn’t let her stay long. She felt that Kenzie would appreciate some private time with their son. Samuel had recently woken up and both he and his fianc looked as if they had something to say, but were waiting for a chance to be alone. 

Mackenzie watched Ash and Ali leave and immediately asked, “How are you feeling?”

It was the same question she had asked right after he had woken up, but this time it was clear that she was looking for a more in depth answer than he had given before. 

“Sore.” Sam answered. He gingerly adjusted his position in bed and added, “Stiff.”

“Well, you were hit by a car.” Mackenzie said. “I think that would make anyone feel sore and stiff.”

She continued, “You look sad.” She wasn’t going to hold back. He didn’t argue, so she continued, “...and maybe disappointed?” 

He tried to turn his head more towards her, but between the burns from the airbag and and the bandages covering them, he couldn’t do it comfortably. She adjusted her position instead and made it easier for him to look her in the eyes.

“You deserve everything to be perfect for our wedding. Nothing seems to be working out.” Sam replied.

Kenzie answered, “I thought were weren’t going to worry about all of the little details. All that matters is that we’re happy, right?”

“I don’t care about the little details.” Sam said. “What I do care about is that you get what you deserve. Everything is going wrong.”

Mackenzie rarely had to worry about Samuel being depressed, or discouraged. It was rare, but when it happened it was usually intense. She wanted to do whatever she could to keep him from going down that road. 

She kissed his cheek gently. “I love that you want it to be perfect.” She said. “You trying so hard to make it perfect...makes it perfect.”

Sam didn’t agree. “It took me over two years to find the right spot. It’s your spot! No other spot is good enough. And Lexi is too pregnant. Ma might have a heart attack if she goes. Iz has a broken arm and clavicle. Jake’s kids won’t be able to make the hike...” Sam said and then added in disgust, “...and I have burns and bruises all over my body.”

“I think you look cute.” Kenzie said sweetly. 

Samuel rolled his eyes and sarcastically said, “I’m sure you envisioned me looking like this on our wedding day.”

“No...” Mackenzie replied. “I didn’t envision you injured in a hospital bed.” She patted her belly and said, “I also didn’t envision being pregnant, but guess what...” 

Sam’s mouth turned up slightly. 

She continued, “It’s not exactly as I envisioned, but it’s still so beyond perfect.”

“What are we gonna do?” Sam asked. 

“Babe, I don’t know...” Kenzie answered. “...but what I do know is that we don’t have to figure it out right this second. You’ve had a hard day. Don’t worry about it right now. We’ll figure it out.” With a small, sweet smile she said, “I promise.”

The couple shared a kiss that would have gone on much longer if it wasn’t for an interruption.   
 “Okay...” Lexi said loudly. “...you two can stop now.” Lexi’s wife shook her head as she followed her into the room. The already outspoken lawyer had even less of a filter since her pregnancy. 

“Sorry...” Charlie mouthed silently so only Sam and Mackenzie could see. She put an arm around her wife and squeezed her shoulder. She placed a calming kiss on her cheek and Lexi immediately mellowed. 

“Sorry.” Lexi apologized. She explained the purpose of her awkward visit. “So, Rachel worked it out for Bella to share a room with you tonight, since you both need to stay overnight for observation. I wanted to talk to you before they move her in.”

Kenzie was worried that her well-meaning future sister-in-law was going to overwhelm her already freaked out fiance even more. She stood close to his side and gripped his bicep with both hands. Sam shared a quick look with her. He recognized that she was worried and wanted to protect him. He thought it was cute...but no one could protect him from his big sister.

“Bella feels like it’s all her fault and that she’s ruined your wedding plans.” Lex announced. Charlie wanted to pull her wife out of the room, but she knew her efforts would be wasted.

Mackenzie answered for both her and Samuel, “She didn’t ruin anything. We’re just glad she’s okay.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Lexi said with a wave of her hand as if to dismiss Mackenzie’s sentiment.

Samuel replied in Kenzie’s defense, “Hey...shut up!”

“That’s not what I meant.” Lex said sarcastically to her brother. She softened her tone and directed the same words to Mackenzie. “That’s not what I meant.” 

“Listen...” Lexi continued, “...do you two mind if I speak to my little brother in private?” She asked Charlie and Kenzie. 

Mackenzie didn’t want to leave, but Charlie gave her a reassuring look. Once they were in the hall, Charlotte explained that Lex had an idea that might help Sam feel better about the situation they found themselves in.

Lex sat on the end of Sam’s bed and said, “I think you need to go on your wedding trip without all of us.”

Sam gingerly shook his head and said, “We already invited everyone.”

“We can deal with not having to hike for two days and sleep on the ground.” Lexi said with a half smile. “We can all join you for the final night when you planned to have the ceremony...but the two of you should spend the time getting there alone. Make it special...just for you and Kenzie.”

“You know our family. They will hate not being included.” Sam argued. “And honestly, I wanted you to be there.”

“Sammy, I wish I could be there for the whole trip, but it’s not about me...or anyone else. It’s about you and Mackenzie.” She said. “You have found the perfect place for her. You worked hard to give her a thoughtful and romantic gesture. Don’t throw it all away because of us.”

“But...” Sam started to argue. 

Lexi cut him off. “You two aren’t normal.” She quickly added before her brother could get offended, “In a good way. What I mean is, you don’t have to do anything because of what’s expected of you. Do what’s right for you two. The rest of us will be proud and happy to join you later.” 

Lex put her hand on Sam’s leg and said, “You know that waterfall you told me about? The one that you found and imagined dancing underneath with Mackenzie and letting the water cover you both...Sammy, that’s the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard and it’s a moment that’s meant for just the two of you.”

“What about Ma and Mom?” Sam asked. 

Lexi shrugged and answered, “We can use Bella’s injury and my pregnancy as an excuse, if you want.”

Since the accident, Sam had felt a heaviness in his chest. He had bruises that left a mark from his seatbelt. The bruises and swelling were still present, but somehow Lexi’s idea made the tightness in his chest lessen.

“You think they’ll go for that?” Sam asked. “They won’t be hurt, or disappointed?”

“They might be disappointed, but I think in the long run they will see that it was the best thing for everyone.”

“I don’t want to let anyone down.” Sam replied. 

Lexi leaned in and whispered, “The only person you need to worry about not letting down is Kenzie....” Lexi smiled before adding, “at least for your wedding...every other day is about me.”

Sam smiled and replied, “And that’s why you’re my best man.”


	284. Family Is Forever (Part One)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a FLASHFORWARD chapter leading up to Sam and Kenzie's wedding.

Usually everyone could hear when Sam arrived in his truck that was much bigger and louder than necessary. Samuel liked knowing that his vehicle was bigger and it’s engine more powerful than the other cars on the road. Unfortunately his truck was badly damaged in a recent accident that left both him and Isabella bruised and sore. 

His sister fared the worst out of the two of them. She left the scene with a broken arm and collar bone. Sam had a concussion, minor burns and cuts on his face and neck, along with bruises on his ribs and chest. The size of what Lexi called Sam’s “monster truck” is what kept them from more serious injuries.

Mackenzie was the one driving. She drove a much more practical and quieter vehicle. When they pulled into Sam’s parent’s driveway, he hurried to open his fiancé's door for her. Their recent engagement and soon approaching wedding put an extra pep in his step as he helped her out of the car. The two shared a quick kiss and with hands linked, they approached the front door.

“Well, if it isn’t the love birds.” Ash said as she welcomed Sam and Mackenzie into her house. 

Sam jokingly whispered to his fiancé, “Do you think she’s talking about us?”

The newly engaged couple held one another’s hands from the moment Samuel opened Kenzie’s car door until the moment Ashlyn opened the door. They definitely had a certain kind of glow to them.

“Is Mom here?” Sam asked, getting down to business. “We need to talk to you about wedding stuff.”

Ash nodded and yelled toward the stairs that led up to their bedroom, “Alex, we have visitors and they request your presence.”

The sudden burst of volume startled Mackenzie, but she quickly recovered feeling embarrassed. She hoped no one noticed. Her fiancé confirmed that he did notice by squeezing her hand and holding back an amused smile. 

Once the two couples had properly greeted one another and Sam had helped himself to the fridge, they each took a seat at the table. 

With his mouth full of his mother’s left-over lasagna Sam said, “Kenze and I are leaving in two days to take the trip on our own. We want everyone to meet us at the spot I picked out for our wedding ceremony...and we want you and Lex to take care of the big show.”

Mackenzie saw the look of panic on Ali’s face. She further explained, “What he meant was that we know how much you and Lexi like planning these sort of things and we literally don’t care about the specifics. We thought you might enjoy having a hand in the ceremony.”

Sam nodded and swallowed a big bite of food before mumbling in agreement, “Yeee-up.”

Kenzie continued, “We know that it might feel like a lot of pressure, but it’s completely up to you how involved you get. Lexi seemed to think that the two of you could have a lot of fun with it.”

After Ali’s initial panic, she started dreaming up the perfect scene for her son’s wedding. She was starting to agree with her daughter...she was going to have a lot of fun telling people what to do and planning the most important day of Sam and Kenzie’s lives.

“My Dad will be happy to help in any way you ask.” Kenzie said. “But he is also happy staying out of the way if that would be easier for you.”

Samuel heated up a second helping of food and while he waited for it to finish cooking, he decided to get involved in the very important conversation going on. “There are a few things that we want to happen.” He grabbed a bottle of water and took a swig before adding, “Kenze and I are going to be finishing up a week long hiking and camping trip. We may literally be dirty and smelly...” Sam thought for a moment before adding, “...and hungry. We want everyone to feel comfortable. So don’t worry about wearing fancy clothes. Just come ready to watch an epic wedding in front of an epic sunset...and maybe bring food.”

“Lexi has more details for you, but that’s basically it.” Mackenzie added. “We really want people to have a good time with as little stress involved as possible.”

“Oh yeah...” Sam added. “...and we want Jake to take pictures and set up a camera for video, but we also want to make sure there’s a photographer there that can take pictures with him, so he doesn’t have to miss out on what’s going on.” Sam said. 

Kenzie continued, “My Dad has a lot of connections. That might be something he can do for you, if you want.”

Ali’s eyes were wide. She didn’t know what to say. She started to feel butterflies in her stomach. The more she thought about Sam’s big day, the more excited she got. Planning a totally unique wedding with her daughter for her son seemed like heaven to her.

“Oh yeah....” Sam said, interrupting his mother’s thoughts that were already making plans. “Bailey is coming with us. Can you get her like a princess crown, or something?”

Kenzie looked at her future husband like he was crazy. “Shouldn’t I be the one wearing a tiara?”

“Is that what they’re called?” Sam asked. His face got super serious when he asked his mother, “Can you get Bailey a dog-sized tiara?”

...

Jamie awkwardly carried a three drawer shelf unit up three flights of stairs leading to his sister’s dorm room. In an impatient and frustrated manner, he dropped it on the ground in front of Bella’s door and knocked.

His twin opened the door and looked curiously at the piece of furniture her brother had brought along with him.

“What’s this?” Bella asked. Every movement looked stiff due to her broken arm and clavicle. She had to wear an uncomfortable brace to keep from further injuring herself.

Jamie replied sarcastically, “A storage shelf.” 

Bella rolled her eyes and asked, “Why is it here?”

Jamie answered, “Because I brought it up here.”

“Hmm...” Bella hummed. “Come in...I guess.”

Jamie carried in the piece of furniture with him as he entered. He asked, “Where do you want this?” 

“So, I guess I’m keeping this now?” Bella asked rhetorically. She pointed to a spot near her bed and watched as her little brother dutifully set it down where she wanted.

Jamie replied, “I thought you could use the extra storage space.”

Bella didn’t like what she was hearing. Though her brother was being very thoughtful, she worried that she wasn’t going to like the reason behind it.

“Why don’t you need it for your room?” Bella asked. 

Jamie tilted his head and looked at her in disbelief. “You know why.” He said. 

“You’re not leaving.” She replied. “The semester isn’t even over. We agreed that you would pull your grades up and make a decision after the semester.”

Jamie sighed, “I’m just wasting Mama and Mom’s money by staying here. And I’m really wasting my time. I hate school. I’m not like you. You’re good at this stuff.”

Immediately, Bella’s face turned bright red. She pushed Jamie away from her and accused in disappointed anger, “You’re gonna leave?” She turned away from him, wanting to make sure he couldn’t see that she was on the verge of tears. She added with a shake in her voice, “I can’t believe you’re going to leave.”

It was a difficult decision. The twins had never been apart for more than a short time since their birth. Bella felt that her best friend...her other half...was moving on from her.

“I can’t believe it either.” Jamie replied honestly.

Bella wiped her face and sat on her bed. She faced her brother and asked in a much calmer tone, “How do you know it’s the right thing to do?”

He shrugged and said, “I think I just know...I mean...I guess I don’t really know for sure...but I feel like it’s the right thing.”

“It’s so far away, though.” Bella replied. “You’ll be so far away.”

Jamie held his breath. He felt his own eyes start to water and a lump rise in his throat. He didn’t want to break in front of his sister. He felt that she needed him to keep it together.

He cleared his throat and said, “I know. It really freaks me out.”

Bella tapped her hand on the mattress, signaling that she wanted her brother to sit next to her. Once he sat down, she leaned against him, rested her head on his shoulder and said, “It’s kind of a miracle that we’ve been able to stay together this long.”

She felt him nod his head.

“I’m gonna miss you.” She added. “I’m a little scared to face life without you.”

She felt him nod in agreement again. She assumed that he couldn’t speak. He was the more emotional of the two. She didn’t want to push him.

Jamie surprised her when he said, “I don’t think it’s possible for us to ever really be apart.” He moved to carefully put his arm around her, making sure not to jostle her too much and said, “We’ll never really be apart. Even if we’re on different continents, we’ll still be together.”

“You think so?” Bella asked. “You think we’ll still have the same connection we have now?”

Jamie answered, “I do. I really do.”

Bella took a deep breath before she said, “I think you’re really brave....” She hugged her brother with her good arm and added, “...and I think this is the right thing for you to do...even though I know I’m gonna miss you every single day you’re gone.”

...

Lexi opened an overly organized binder filled with color coded tabs and highlighting. She proudly presented her work to her mother. 

“This is magnificent...” Ali breathed in wonder. “I know that your wife is the artist, but this is a masterpiece.” 

Ali’s words sounded like one of her wife’s sarcastic comments. But she couldn’t have been more sincere.

Ali added, “I’ve taught you well.” Ali was truly amazed at the wedding binder her daughter had set before her. The information it contained was a wedding planner’s dream come true.

“Yes, you have.” Lexi agreed. “Sammy told me a few things he needed for his wedding.” Lexi corrected herself, “Actually he said he wanted to eat and for everyone to have fun. I translated that to mean that we need to plan for a meal, bring a few tables and chairs and make it possible for people to actually enjoy themselves at this thing.”

Ali laughed. Her daughter thought so much like her. Sam and Kenzie’s desire to keep things simple and to worry about as little as possible, sounded nice but wasn’t practical. Both of them felt better knowing that the details were taken out of the hands of the soon-to-be married dreamers, and put into their’s.

“Did he tell you that they are bringing Bailey along with them and that our Sammy wants her to wear a tiara for the wedding?” Ali asked. 

“No.” Lexi answered. “That’s weird....but I guess I wouldn’t expect anything less but weird from those two.”

Lexi continued, “Mackenzie told me that her Father’s organizations host a lot of events. She said that if we ask him for help, he can get the best of the best to help us. She also said that just about anyone will drop what they’re doing to do what he says. They’ll do it well and they’ll do it fast.”

Ali shook her head, not in judgment, but in wonder. “What must that be like?” She asked. “How did Mackenzie end up so sweet and wonderful? You would think that someone who can get whatever they want, whenever they want, would be spoiled and would treat people poorly.”

“She has a good dad.” Lexi answered. “But whatever...I don’t care. All I care about is that we get to do whatever we want with unlimited resources. We’re gonna have so much fun planning this wedding!”

...

“What are you going to do if I break my leg?” Kenzie asked. She and Sam had been preparing for their week long camping trip all day. They currently found themselves in the same outdoors store where they had first met. Since that day, they had been practically inseparable. 

“I’ll carry you.” Sam answered. He lifted a rolled up sleeping mat for his fiancé’s approval. She shook her head and he put it back where he found it. He continued his search for a more comfortable one for his future wife for their trip.

“What about Bailey?” Kenzie asked. “What if she gets hurt?”

“I’ll carry her, too.” Sam promised. He held up a thicker mat than before and when Mackenzie nodded her approval he grabbed a second one for himself. “You both weigh about two pounds each.”

Kenzie smiled, “Okay...what if you eat a poisonous berry? How am I supposed to keep you from dying?”

“Then I’ll die looking at the most beautiful sight in the world....” He smirked and added with a dripping amount of charm, “...you.” 

Kenzie rolled her eyes, but couldn’t hide the blush that rose to her cheeks. 

“I’m a little worried about being able to bring enough food for a week.” Mackenzie said. “You’re constantly hungry.”

Sam flexed and said, “It cuz of all these muscles.”

“Mmm hmmm. I’m sure that’s what it is.” Kenzie replied. “But still all those hungry muscles of your’s are going to need a lot of food while we’re gone...and we can’t just go to a grocery store or restaurant.” 

“Nope.” Sam said. He held up a campfire cooking kit and said, “That’s what this is for.” He placed it in their shopping cart and said, “There are lots of fishing spots and we can bring snacks.” 

After stocking up on all of the necessities, they stopped at another store to load up on snacks. Sam laughed when he saw a bag of trail mix. “Can we get this?” He asked. “I wanna give it to my Mom at the wedding.”

“Babe, why don’t you have Lexi bring it? That way it won’t take up space in your bag.” Kenzie answered. 

Sam thought that was a great idea. 

His fiancé felt like she had to ask, “Why do you wanna give her trail mix?”

He smiled as he answered, “She made a joke about us serving trail mix and beef jerky at the reception. I wanna mess with her.” His face got serious when he added, “But that reminds me...we need to make sure I get some jerky.”

...

Lexi pulled up a website on her laptop and asked her mother, “What do you think of this?” 

Ali loved the idea, but thought it contradicted what they were told by the bride and groom. “Sweetheart, don’t you think it’s a little too fancy? They said they were gonna be dirty and smelly.” Ali paused for effect before adding, “Those were Sammy’s exact words.”

Lexi rolled her eyes and answered, “Mom, we are going to make them clean up and get dressed. I know that in the long run they will thank us. Mackenzie will for sure want to get married in something nicer than hiking boots and dirty clothes.”

Ali shook her head and questioned her daughter’s reasoning, “I don’t know...”

“Mom, I’m serious. They want pictures taken. We need to make sure they look presentable. They aren’t thinking clearly about this.” Lexi said, defending her point.

“Besides...” Lex added, “...what I picked out isn’t that fancy. Jeans, a sport coat, a clean shirt and bow tie for Sammy. And a white sun dress for Kenzie. They’ll love it.” Lexi clicked on another website tab and said, “I even found something for Bailey.”

Lexi showed her mother a tiara made of wildflowers. “I think we can have one made for Mackenzie, too.” Lex worried that her ideas would be discouraged by her mother.

Ali took a closer look at Lexi’s computer screen and said, “I think it’s perfect.”

...

“Sammy...” Mackenzie cooed before asking, “...are we gonna have time to get you a new truck before we leave?” 

Samuel shrugged. The couple had so much going on. He hadn’t been thinking about his need for a new vehicle at all. 

Mackenzie found a seat in her fiancé's lap and said, “Honey, I wanna buy you a new truck.”

Sam laughed. 

“I’m serious.” Mackenzie explained. “I want my husband to have a vehicle when we get back from our trip. I want to get you it as a wedding present.”

Sam felt Bailey nudge his leg. He reached down to pet her before he replied, “We can get it after we get back. You don’t need to stress out about it now.”

“I’m not stressing. I just want to do something special for you.” Mackenzie replied. “You loved your truck.”

Samuel smiled and answered, “I enjoy having you as my chauffeur.” 

“You sure you don’t mind?” Mackenzie asked. She touched her forehead to Samuel’s and added, “I want to make you happy.”

Sam grabbed her with both arms and pulled her down closer to her. He held her tight and said, “mission accomplished. You’ve already done that.” 

“But I wanna spoil you like you spoil me and Bailey.” Mackenzie replied.

Sam laughed, “You’re talking about buying me a new truck. I think you’re the one who spoils me.”

“It’s just money. Who cares?”

Sam laughed again, “Most everybody cares. But I love that you don’t.”

Sam adjusted both his and Mackenzie’s position by lying down on the couch that they were sharing. He pulled her down gently with him. She laid on top of him and fit perfectly in his arms. The floor in front of them was covered in camping supplies. Sam stared at the organized piles while Mackenzie carefully ran her fingers over Sam’s bruised chest. 

“I’m not hurting you?” Kenzie asked softly. 

“Nope.” Sam answered easily. He continued to stare at the supplies they had gathered since deciding on their wedding adventure.

Mackenzie kissed his chest and asked, “What are you thinking? I can tell something’s on your mind.”

Samuel sighed quietly before answering, “I guess I am worried that you’re not as into this idea as I am. Maybe I made it so you feel like you can’t say no...”

Mackenzie stopped him before he could say anything else. “Sammy, you know me better than that.”

“Most girls would hate spending a week camping on a mountain...especially for their wedding.”

“In case you haven’t noticed...” Kenzie said. She lifted her head off Sam’s chest and met his eyes before she finished her thought, “...I’m not like most girls.”

“Oh, I’ve noticed.” Sam replied. 

“I love that we’re doing this. It’s our own little adventure. It’s perfect for us.” She put Sam’s hand on her stomach and covered his with her own and said, “It’s perfect for all of us.”

As if on cue, Bailey barked and jumped up on top of the two of them. 

“See...” Kenzie said, “...even Bailey thinks it’s perfect.”

...

The next morning Ashlyn was surprised to see her middle son standing in her kitchen. Samuel stood with the refrigerator door open as he perused his parents food supply. 

“Your Mom has some fudge stashed away in the back of the vegetable drawer. 

Sam pulled his head out from the inside of the fridge and said, “Thanks.” He found the hidden dessert and closed the door before saying, “I didn’t know you were home.”

Ashlyn smiled, “I live here.” 

“Yeah.” Sam replied. “I know...but I didn’t know you were home.”

Ash explained, “I was napping.” She laughed at herself and added, “I’m lame. I take naps during the day now.”

“Naps aren’t lame.” Sam replied. “They are glorious.” 

Ashlyn smiled wide and asked, “You remember all the naps we used to take when you were a little boy?’ 

Sam finished off the last of the fudge before answering, “Naps and cuddles with you and Monster.” 

“That was the magic formula.” Ash said. “You were an active boy. You needed your rest.”

“I was more than just active...I was hyperactive...I was crazy and wild.”

Ashlyn smiled at her little boy who was no longer her little boy and said, “I loved the crazy and wild in you.” She winked and added, “I still do.”

“Okay, Ma.” Sam replied with a hint of unbelieving sarcasm. 

Ashlyn hesitated. Just for a moment. She wanted to tell her son that she was proud of him and that he couldn’t be a more perfect son and friend to her...but her wife interrupted the moment.

Ali’s hands were filled with bags of groceries. She used her shoulder to push the front door open and announced loud enough for her to be heard throughout their large house...that now felt way too big for just her and Ash... “Baby, I need your help with groceries.”

Ali stopped the moment she lifted her head up and saw her son standing in their kitchen. “Sammy...” Ali said sweetly. She absolutely adored her children. “...what are you doing here? I wasn’t expecting to see you until tomorrow for your party.”

Sam replied, “It’s not a party. Just a time to hangout before Kenze and I leave.”

Ali nodded patronizingly and said, “Of course, baby.”

Ashlyn was struck with what she thought was a brilliant idea. “You know Bam, your little brother and sister should be here soon. You should stay for dinner...” Ash smile and added, “...maybe you should say the night. We can have a dance party and make your Mom bake us her famous brownies.”

Ali smiled at how cute her wife was. There were few things in life these days that could bring Ashlyn as much joy and hope as their family. Everything...every tear...every hard worked hour of every day...every ounce of energy that the two of them had was invested in their family. When Ali saw her wife still filled with hopeful expectation and absolute joy at the thought of having an impromptu dance party with their kids after all these years, she fell in love with her even more. 

Sam’s reply was innocent, but it poked a hole in the moment like a needle to a balloon. 

“Sorry. I got stuff to do with Kenze.” 

Ash forced a smile and said, “Of course. You’re busy. You’ve got a lot to do before you leave.”

“Yeah.” Sam replied. “We’re still figuring things out for the trip and Kenze and Bailey have a hard time sleeping when I’m not around. Well...” Sam said correcting himself, “..it’s more Bailey than Kenzie. Kenzie goes on business trips and does a lot better than me when we’re apart...but my little dog-child really seems to miss me when I’m gone.”

“I bet.” Ash replied. She had heard the stories of Bailey waiting by Sam and Mackenzie’s front door for Sam to come home when he was away.

“Anyway, I better go.” Sam said. “I got what I came for.” Sam showed his parents and old cd that he had searched for in his childhood room. He wanted to play one of the songs for his fiancé on their wedding trip.

Samuel kissed Ashlyn and Ali before they said their goodbyes. After he left, Ali watched her wife for a few moments before she spoke. Right before Lexi’s wedding Ashlyn had to be rushed to the ER for chest pains and an inability to catch her breath. 

Ali wondered what was going through her wife’s mind now. She knew that Ash and Sam had a unique relationship. She never questioned that she was Ashlyn’s closest friend, but there were moments when she thought that Sam had a place in Ashlyn’s heart that not even she could fill. She knew that each of the children had their own piece of Ashlyn’s heart and soul...the same was true for her...there was no one, not even Ashlyn, that could take the place of their children...but with Sam it was different. Samuel was a son and best friend to Ashlyn.

She had no idea what to expect from her wife and her wife’s heart.

“Baby, you okay?” Ali asked. She had memorized her wife’s face decades ago. She knew every expression. All it took was the smallest movement, or look. She would know immediately.

Ashlyn’s breath stilled. That was her first tell. Ali stepped into her wife’s side and put both arms around her waist. 

Ashlyn smiled. Ali had a tell, too.

“Babe, I’m okay. You don’t have to worry.” Ash answered. She knew her wife wouldn’t be satisfied with a brief answer. She continued, “You know, parenting is not for the faint of heart.” She joked, “Too bad I am faint of heart.” 

Ali squeezed her wife and simply said, “Stop.” 

“Sorry. That wasn’t funny.” Ash said. “I don’t know. I can’t say for sure, but I don’t think you need to stress out about me. I wish our boy would have stayed for dinner. I wish we would have had a few more precious moments with him.” Ash sighed with a mix of pain and joy. “There will never be enough moments.”

Ali pressed her face into Ashlyn’s chest and nodded in agreement. She knew exactly what her wife meant. They could have enough moments to fill forever, and it still wouldn’t feel like enough.

Ash continued, “But I see him caring so much about being a good husband and father and I can’t help but feel like he’s become everything that I could have ever dreamed he would be.”

Ali felt tears fill her eyes.

Ashlyn finished her thought and said, “And for some reason I feel at peace about everything about this moment right now.”

Ali lifted her head and kissed Ashlyn’s lips and said, “Me, too.”

“When our babies have their own families to worry about, it’s me and you, Babe.” Ash said with a smile. She wiped her wife’s happy tears and added, “It’s always been me and you...forever.”


	285. Family Is Forever (Part Two)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a FLASHFORWARD chapter leading up to Sam's wedding.

“It’s nice to have everyone together.” Ali said as she kissed her wife’s cheek. The house was loud with laughter. Joy and good times seemed to bounce off the walls. Ever since the twins had left for college, their large house seemed way too big and way too quiet. The crowd and noise were a welcome change.

Sam and Kenzie weren’t interested in separate bachelor and bachelorette parties before they left on their wedding adventure. They asked Ali to host a small get together with their family members and a few friends. Ashlyn handled all of the grilling needs and Ali took care of the rest. 

Ashlyn nodded in agreement to her wife’s words. It felt right having the whole family home. Ali held Ash by the hand and led her to an empty seat around a small fire that Sam had built in their back yard. Ali sat down first and pulled Ashlyn down into her lap. 

The women sat comfortably as the group joked and laughed together. Jacob surprised everyone by having his 6 year old daughter sing a song that the two of them wrote just for Uncle Sam and Aunt Kenzie. Both of his sons, Asher and Benny played percussion instruments they had made out of random items they found around the house. Benny had a can with some rocks in it. He shook it, struggling to stay on beat. Asher was a natural musician like his daddy. He used an upside down bucket and stick to play the drums for his part. 

Sam held his niece in his lap as she sang to him and his fiancé. The little girl loved having all of Sam’s attention. The two of them were ‘best buds’ since the day she was born.

“We should be recording this.” Ash said. She moved to leave her wife’s lap but was met with resistance. 

Ali pulled her back down and said, “Bella’s got it covered. I want you to stay here with me.”

Ashlyn struggled to her feet and said, “Babe, I’ll be right back.”

Ali followed her into the house to get her camera. 

“Alex, I know what you’re doing.” Ash announced. She grabbed her camera and walked right by her wife to rejoin the rest of their family.

Ali didn’t doubt that her wife was on to her, but it wasn’t going to stop her from worrying. The last time one of their children got married Ashlyn had to make a trip to the hospital. Ali couldn’t pretend that she wasn’t thinking about that now.

Ashlyn seemed fine, but in the past things had been known to change fast.

...

Bella followed her twin brother to the kitchen. She was limited at what she could physically do with her injury, but she was not limited verbally at telling her brother what to do. 

“Stack those and then you can take everything at one time.” She said, pointing at the meat and veggie trays he was sent to get for Ashlyn to grill. 

Jamie rolled his eyes and said, “Oooooor, you can carry one.”

Bella looked at him like he had just said something deeply offensive. “I’m injured.”

Jamie laughed, “Be honest. Even if you weren’t injured I would still be carrying everything.”

Isabella joined her brother in laughing. She decided a non answer was better than an honest one.

Jamie stacked the trays like his sister had suggested and carried everything by himself. He started towards the back yard when Bella asked, “When are you going to tell everyone you’re quitting school?”

“I’m not quitting school.” Jamie answered. “I’m starting a career.” 

“Okay...” Bella said sarcastically. “When are you going to tell everyone you’re starting a career?”

“Not until after the wedding. Mama’s gonna lose it!”

The twins both stiffened when they heard a voice from behind them ask, “Mama’s gonna lose what?” 

Lexi’s voice startled the two most secretive siblings in the family. They had built their own world and they liked to keep it that way.

“Nothing.” The twins answered in unison.

Lexi held the lowest part of her baby bump and circled her two youngest siblings. Her eyes narrowed as she slowly made eye contact with each. She said nothing but made a clicking noise with her tongue just long enough to make them nervous. 

“He’s quitting school.” Bella blurted out.

“I’m starting my pro career early.” Jamie said, cutting her off before she could say anything else. 

“Is that right?” Lexi asked. She clicked her tongue one more time, gave her brother a kiss on the cheek, a hair tousle and said, “Don’t worry. You’re secret’s safe with me, baby brother.”

Jamie smiled and for some reason felt a bit more confident about his decision now that he had Lexi’s approval. He had thought his brilliant big sister would disapprove of his decision. Knowing that he has her support meant a lot to him.

As the twins made their exit to the back yard, Lexi called Bella back.

“What’d I do?” Isabella asked.

Lexi shrugged and answered, “Nothing...and that’s the problem. I need to carry some things outside and you didn’t offer to help.”

“I’m injured.” Bella argued.

Lexi didn’t hesitate to give the final argument...”I’m pregnant.”

...

Samuel rummaged through some boxes on a shelf in a closet. His arms reached as high as they could to try to find something for his fiancé to wear. 

“Babe, just pull the whole box down.” Kenzie instructed. She felt that he was making things harder than they needed to be. How could he possibly know what his hands were sorting through without seeing the items in the box?

Sam did as he was told and let Mackenzie look through the box of his old clothes.

“So many superhero t-shirts.” Mackenzie teased. 

Sam smiled and replied, “Superheroes were kind of my thing growing up.” He brought down another box and said, “I think I might have some old hoodies in here.”

Kenzie switched boxes and found one of Sam’s old sweatshirts. She quickly put it on. The sleeves hung several inches below her fingertips, but it would do well to keep her warm. 

Samuel laughed and said, “I think I wore that in 6th grade.” He shrugged and added, “I was a little bit of a husky boy.”

“You were not. I’ve seen pictures.” Kenzie argued. “I think you were a cute little boy.”

Sam corrected her, “My Mom says I was solid...but I know what that means.” He laughed. “But I don’t mind. I was bigger than Jake when I was in junior high. He couldn’t tell me what to do once I got bigger than him.”

Samuel smiled thinking back at his younger self. There were long stretches of time when he thought he’d end up alone. There were times when he thought that being stuck with only himself was the worst possible outcome, but once he had matured and gotten comfortable with himself he thought it might be for the best if he never settled down. Now with his future wife in front of him, wearing his childhood shirt, he wondered how he ever lived without her.

“I’m keeping this.” Kenzie announced. She smelled the collar and added, “It smells like you.”

Samuel’s eyes stared adoringly at his fiancé. Mackenzie smiled and then let the corners of her lips slowly fall when she noticed a change in Sam’s gaze.

“What?” She asked. She knew something was up.

Sam pulled her towards him and led her to sit on his old bed. “I need to tell you something.”

“Okay?” Mackenzie said, waiting for what she assumed was bad news. 

Samuel sat down next to her and explained, “I wanted to tell you as soon as I could. I just found out right before we got here. I needed to tell you with enough time for you to forgive me before the wedding.”

Kenzie narrowed her eyes in suspicion. She waited for more to be explained. 

“I heard back from your mother today.” Sam said.

Mackenzie’s voice was low and angry when she asked, “You what?”

“Look...” Sam worried he had overstepped, but there was no going back now. “...I know you. I know that you will want your mother to be at our wedding.”

Mackenzie was calm, yet furious when she corrected her husband-to-be, “I do not want her there. I told you that.”

Sam shook his head. He rubbed the back of his neck nervously before he said, “I know you don’t want her there now, but one day I think you will.”

Mackenzie’s face began to turn bright red. She shook her head and seethed. She loved Sam more than anyone else in the world...otherwise she would not have tried so hard to control herself.

Samuel further explained, “Kenze, you’re the kindest person I’ve ever met. Your mother may never be the parent you deserve, but I know that you’re gonna forgive her. I know that one day you’ll either be glad that she was at our wedding, or you’ll regret that she wasn’t.”

“She doesn’t care about me. Why should I care if she’s there?” Kenzie asked. 

“I don’t know. Maybe because you always care about everyone...all the time.”

“Not about her.” Mackenzie quickly corrected.

Samuel observed her for a moment. He wanted to take back everything he had done and said, but it was too late for that. “I spoke to your father.” He confessed.

“He’s part of this?” Kenzie asked. “He agreed to this?”

Sam nodded and said, “He knows you...and he knows your mom. He agrees with me that you deserve to have both your parents attend our wedding.”

Mackenzie bit her lip and asked with tears welling up in her eyes, “How much are you paying her?”

Sam couldn’t bare to look at her. His eyes dropped to the floor. The thing that had hurt Kenzie the most when her parents got divorced was that her mother saw her as nothing more than a bargaining chip to get more money out of her father.

“Sammy...how much?”

Sam shook his head. “It doesn’t matter.” He said. 

“It matters to me.” 

Samuel’s eyes were as soft and compassionate as Kenzie had ever seen them when he said, “I offered to pay for her trip, to help her get something to wear, and that’s it.”

“You promise...that’s it?” Kenzie asked, wondering if her fiancé was trying to protect her feelings by bending the truth.

Sam nodded, “I promise.” 

Kenzie stood to her feet, put her hands on Sam’s shoulders, and said, “You stay here.”

Sam watched as she left his childhood room. He looked around and felt a rush of memories flood his mind when he asked himself quietly, “Did she just ground me?”

Mackenzie returned a few minutes later with her father. “Daddy, did you offer my mother money to come to our wedding?” She asked. 

Her father’s eyes met Sam’s. He wondered if they were both about to get into trouble with his daughter.

Mackenzie rolled her eyes and said, “I already know about her coming to the wedding. Sammy is paying for her travel expenses and to get some clothes. I want to know if she swindled you into giving her money, too.”

The older man put his arm around his daughter and said, “She didn’t ask me for anything.”

“You promise?” She asked. 

“I promise.” 

Sam stiffened. 

Mackenzie noticed. 

“What?” She asked her fiancé.

Samuel closed his eyes and exhaled loudly, knowing that he was about to make things more difficult.

“He gave her money.” Sam confessed.

The tension in the room built up and left a heaviness hanging in the air.

Mackenzie stepped away from her father’s touch and accused, “You promised.”

“I said that she didn’t ask for anything.” He replied. 

Technically he hadn’t just lied to his daughter. Sam’s future father-in-law was only trying to protect his daughter, but Samuel didn’t feel right about letting Kenzie be deceived over a technicality.

The older man continued, “I offered her a little extra on my own. I wanted to make the day special for you, and both Sam and I agree that it was better for her to be a part of your wedding.”

Kenzie disagreed, “You two keep assuming you know what I want better than I do. Dad, we talked about this. I don’‘t want her there. She hurt you!” Mackenzie said to her father with a shake of anger in her voice. “She betrayed you and she left me.”

“Kenze...” Sam said as he stretched out his hand to bring her comfort and try to further explain his actions. 

She pulled away from him and added, “There are consequences for people’s actions.”

Sam thought she was talking about what he had done and worried that she was about to call off the wedding, but she wasn’t talking about him.

“My mother gave up on us. She valued money and everything else more than me and my Dad. We invited people who deserve to be there. This is something that belongs to us.” She said. “She hasn’t earned the right to share in a moment that belongs to us.”

Samuel nodded in agreement. He had planned for over two years to give Mackenzie the perfect moment, and she was right. Her mother didn’t deserve to be a part of it.

“I’ll tell her she’s no longer invited.” Sam said. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I should have been more open about what I was planning to do to begin with. I thought I was helping you.”

“You are both more than enough for me.” She said to both men. “I don’t need her presence or her approval to feel happy.” She shifted her focus to just her father and added, “Dad, you’re all the parents I need. Where she completely let me down, you completely saved me. You showed me what love and kindness looked like. You hugged me when I was afraid, or sad. You encouraged me when I felt like I wasn’t enough. I always felt like things would be okay, because I knew that you were always going to be there for me.”

Her quiet father’s eyes began to shine. She wiped away a tear from the corner of one of his eyes before it had a chance to fall. “I love you.” She whispered. 

“I love you, too.” He said in an even quieter volume. “...and I am really proud of you.”

...

“Can I flip?” Sam asked, giving his mother flashbacks of a different time.

She handed her spatula over and said, “Your flips are always welcome here.”

Sam turned over a few steaks and chicken breasts. He adjusted the veggies on the grill and asked, “Can I ask you something?”

“Your questions are always welcome here, too.” Ashlyn answered with a smile. “What’s up, Bam?”

“Do you wish Grandma Harris was there when you married Mom?” Sam asked. 

Ashlyn answered, “Are you asking about my mother because of Kenzie’s mother?”

“How’d you know?” Sam asked in confusion.

Ashlyn shook her head. Her son could sometimes be very clueless.

“Mackenzie told me you offered to pay her mother to come to the wedding.” 

“Already?” Sam asked. He didn’t see how his fiancé could have possibly told his mother since he had just informed Kenzie of the information a few moments ago.

“She’s known for a while, son.” Ash replied. “She told me when you were in the hospital.”

Samuel’s face said it all. 

Ashlyn laughed at her naive son. “Sam-Bam, you’ll learn that the women we love know a lot more than we think.”

Sam shook his head in disagreement, “But I just found out today.”

Now Ashlyn was the one who was confused. “What did you just find out today?”

“That Kenze’s mom can come to the wedding.”

“Oh.” Ash replied. “Well, she knew you offered to pay her to come, but I don’t think she knew that she was actually going to come. She had talked about it with her father.”

Samuel wished he would have talked to his fiancé before making his plans. He explained, “I only offered to help with the trip and with what she would wear. I thought that was reasonable, but her Dad offered her money, too. Kenzie said that she doesn’t want her there...no matter what. And I guess I see her point now.”

“When your Mom and I got married it would have been a big distraction for me if my mother was there. I would have been thinking about the wrong things instead of the best thing...your Mom.” Ash shared. 

“I get it.” Samuel replied. “Why am I so stupid?”

“You’re not stupid. You’re thoughtful.” Ash argued.

Sam rolled his eyes and said, “Thoughtfully stupid.”

...

At the end of the night, Mackenzie wanted to spend some extra time with her Dad alone. The couple decided that they wanted to spend quality time with their families on their own before they left on their trip the following morning. She wanted to remind her fiancé that they were leaving separately. She worried that he may have forgotten. Things felt a little tense between them since the conversation about her mother and she wanted to make sure he didn’t take her exit to mean something it didn’t. 

“Sammy...” Mackenzie said. She interrupted him and his mothers talking about the good old days.

Sam immediately gave her his attention. In that moment no one else existed to him. “Yeah.” He answered.

“Can I talk to you for a minute?” She asked. She added an apology towards his parents, “I’m so sorry to interrupt. I promise I won’t keep him away long.”

“It’s fine.” Ali said with a knowing smile. Her son was already making his way to his soon-to-be wife. Their conversation was on hold until Kenzie was done with him.

Mackenzie led him by the hand to a private room and said, “I wanted to remind you that I am leaving soon with my Dad. I wanted to make sure you knew that everything was okay between us and that the only reason I’m leaving is because we had planned ahead of time for me to leave.”

“I’m so sorry, Kenze.” Sam confessed. It was the first chance he had to speak with her alone since she found out about his failed plan. “I’m so sorry. I should have listened to you. I should have told you. I feel horrible.”

Mackenzie held both of Samuel’s hands and asked, “Have I ever told you about the Happy Meter Game?”

Sam shook his head. His fiancé could be very confusing.

“Didn’t think so.” She said. “Well, when things got really hard for my Dad and I...back when my Mom first hurt us...my Dad came up with a game that we would play. As an adult now, I think it was his way to distract me from how hurt I was feeling, but it worked. First thing he would do when we started playing the Happy Meter Game was to give me a big hug...”

Mackenzie stopped her story to give Samuel a hug before she continued, “...The next thing he would do was ask me what the happiest moment of the day was for me. It could be just a second long, but I had to try to remember it.”

Kenzie’s description of her lack of happiness in her childhood made Samuel very sad. It was hard for him to remember anything that wasn’t happy from when he was a kid.

She continued, “It was hard sometimes, but I remember going throughout the day thinking that I wanted to be able to tell my Dad something. I wanted to be able to make him happy....So, I would look very hard for something to be happy about. And when he would ask me to play the Happy Meter Game I would tell him of all of the most beautiful moments that I had searched for throughout the day. And when I would ask him what his happiest moment of the day was, he would always tell me it was hearing about all of the moments of my day that made me happy.”

Sam nodded along with her as she spoke. He didn’t know why she was telling him this, but he assumed it had to do with her mother.

“As I learned to be happy again...” Mackenzie said. “...the game changed. My entire day was devoted to looking for happiness. After a year of playing the game with my Dad it was no longer about trying to keep from being sad, it was about trying to contain the happiness.” 

She added with a laugh. “We had to change the rules of the game.” 

“What do you mean?” Sam asked. 

“Daddy and I made the Happy Meter Game a real meter of happiness. We would tell about all the happy moments we could remember and then rate the whole day.” She explained. 

“Okay...” Sam said, trying to follow along. He still didn’t understand why she was choosing now to reminisce about a childhood game.

“Sammy, the reason I’m telling you this is because I want you to understand something.” Kenzie said. “I want you to understand that meeting you was a game changer for me. When I met you I found happiness like I had never known and I am still marveled by the way that it somehow grows the more we do life together. I’m telling you this, because you’re trying very hard to think of everything and everyone that might make me more happy on our wedding day....” She stepped on the tips of her toes to get as close to his lips as she could and said, “...and I’m already at my max on the Meter because of you.”

She shared a kiss with him and added, “I can’t wait to marry you! I can’t wait to find out how high the Happy Meter can go.”

...

Samuel and Bailey spent the night at Ashlyn and Ali’s house. Ali woke up early to make breakfast for Sam. She knew that he was probably going to take Mackenzie out to breakfast, but just in case he wasn’t she didn’t want to let him leave her house hungry.

“Sweetheart, I made you your favorite.” Ali announced the moment her son and his dog emerged from their bedroom. 

Sam shrugged and said, “Kenze and I are getting something, but I’ll take some bacon.”

Ali smiled. She knew he couldn’t resist her bacon. As she made a plate for him she said, “Last night was so much fun. We made so many great memories together.”

“Yee-up.” Sam said through a yawn. He picked Bailey up from the floor and let her sit in his lap. He shared every single piece of his bacon with her. Ali knew it was love.

“I’ve never seen you share your food like that.” Ali joked. 

Samuel laughed, “Bailey gets whatever she wants. She’s my little girl.”

“I see that.” Ali replied. “Before you go, your Mama has something special she found for you. She’s in the garage.” 

Samuel finished his plate, gave his Mom a kiss on the cheek and left to find what special thing was waiting for him.

As soon as he entered the garage he heard his mother’s voice. “Sam-Bam, help me move these shelves for your Mom.” Ashlyn said. 

He hurried over knowing that Ash was already doing too much for her back. “I can move this myself.” He said. He picked it up and asked, “Where does she want it?”

Ashlyn pointed to a recently cleaned out space in the back corner of the garage and watched as her son easily carried a shelf unit that had been extremely heavy for her.

“You’re not my little boy anymore.” She said.

Sam grinned, knowing what she meant. “Nope.” He replied. 

Ashlyn’s hand slipped into one of the front pockets in her jeans as she said, “I found this.” She pulled out an old pocket knife that had once been a favorite tool of Sam’s.

“I forgot all about this.” Sam said. He took the knife from his mother and added, “Grandpa gave this to me. It was his. We took it on a lot of adventures together.”

“I know.” Ash replied. “I thought you might want to take it on one more.”

Samuel opened the knife carefully and said, “Still sharp. Needs cleaned, though.” He closed it and asked, “Did Mom cry when you told her about it?”

Ashlyn answered, “You already know.”

Sam led his mother back inside where Ali was eagerly awaiting them. Just as expected, she had already started crying just thinking of the thoughtful gift that had originally came from her father years ago. 

Samuel hugged both women at the same time and said, “I love you. Thank you for all of the happy memories.”

It only took a few seconds after their son had left for Ali to find her place in her wife’s arms. “Did you hear that?” Ali asked. “All the happy memories.”

As Ali repeated Samuel’s sentiment, it was Ashlyn’s turn to cry. 

There was a time...a long, long time ago...when happy memories were just a dream for Ashlyn, and now they were not only her reality but also her children’s. Ash was too overwhelmed to put into words what her life with Ali had meant to her. She couldn’t tell her how grateful she was for their shared life. 

Ali interpreted Ashlyn’s wordless tears as the anxiety and health problems she had been expecting. 

She took Ashlyn’s face with both hands and asked, “Do you need your medicine?”

Ashlyn smiled, which freaked Ali out a little, and said, “I told you, I’m fine. I’m just happy. Our family is happy. We have boxes full of things that represent memories that we’ve forgotten.” 

Ali’s favorite dimples made an appearance when Ash added, “That’s how happy we are, Alex. We have so many great memories that we can’t even remember them all. And our kids have more than they can keep track of, too. We have so many that are waiting for us the next time we open one of our old boxes, or go through a family photo album.”

Ashlyn was glowing with pride and joy. 

With both hands still holding her wife’s face, Ali said, “I love this smile.” 

Ali pushed Ash’s cheeks together so the former goalkeeper’s words were a little unclear, but Ali understood what she heard.

“You’ve made my life so happy, Alex.”


	286. Family Is Forever (Part Three)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a FLASHFORWARD chapter.

“Mom, please tell Charlotte that I am not going overboard. Sammy put us in charge for a reason. He may not care about any of this, but he knows we do and that we will make it better than anything he could ever dream of.” Lexi said. 

The young couple had stopped by Ali and Ashlyn’s house to make wedding plans. They had just missed Sam, who had stayed the night with his parents before leaving to join his fiancé for their trip. 

Charlie defended her stance, “You want me to paint a background for the wedding. Your brother literally found the perfect natural background. There’s no reason for us to manufacture something to replace what he has already found.” 

Ali agreed with her daughter-in-law. “She’s right, Sweetheart.”

“But remember our wedding?” Lexi asked rhetorically. “It was beautiful. Why waste her talent? She should do something. Don’t you think?” Lexi asked. 

Her wife had created the perfect atmosphere for Lex when they got married. Lexi adored everything she did and was convinced that her brother needed to experience Charlie’s artistic genius at his wedding, too.

Ali didn’t want to upset her pregnant daughter, but she agreed with Charlie. It wasn’t what Sam and Kenzie asked for. 

Lexi gave both her mother and wife a dirty look and said, “We’ll come back to that later.” She knew that she wouldn’t win the argument at that moment, but she might be able to convince them over time. She pulled out her wedding binder and turned to another topic of conversation. 

The women discussed every imaginable wedding detail. It was becoming a much bigger deal than the bride and groom had ever intended. 

...

“I noticed you only packed one extra pair of underwear.” Mackenzie said as they loaded up the car. 

Sam explained, “That’s all you need. You wear one pair, wash and dry the other for the next day.”

Mackenzie did not approve. “Are you really going to worry about having to wash your boxers everyday?”

“I mean, I’m not gonna be stressing about it.” Sam said with a laugh. “I’ve gone on hundreds of camping trips. I always do this. It saves room in my bag.”

“Honey, I have room in my bag. I packed you a week’s worth.” 

Samuel didn’t really care, but he did feel that his way of doing things was a valid option. His Grandfather taught him to pack that way, and he felt that it made sense to do the same for this trip. 

Sam replied, “Then you have to carry around dirty underwear all week.”

“I don’t mind.” Mackenzie answered. “It’s easier for you.”

Samuel put his fiancé in a loose headlock and said, “I don’t want my pregnant bride worrying about...” He couldn’t think of any other way to say it. After a short chuckle he released her and said, “...my butt.”

“I would think your butt is as much my concern as anyone’s.” Mackenzie said through a loud laugh. She gave his backside a firm pat and added, “I’ve grown quite fond of it.”

Sam’s cheeks filled with red. He replied, “That’s not what I meant, but I’m happy you like it.”

The flirty couple shared a kiss before finishing their packing. The day had come. Their wedding adventure had finally begun!

...

Ali, Lexi, and Charlie had been discussing the wedding all afternoon. Ashlyn visited with them for a while, but left to take a nap. She had done a lot of work in the garage that morning and it was more physical labor than she was used to since retirement. After Lex and her wife left, Ali checked on her own wife.

“Hello, my favorite wife.” Ali said softly into Ashlyn ear. 

Ash smiled and rolled toward her. “Hmm...” She hummed. “How many wives do you have, woman?” She asked in a raspy voice. 

Ali smirked, “There’s a lot about me you don’t know. I’m mysterious.”

“Yes, you are.” Ash replied. “What’s your name again?”

Ali kissed the tip of Ashlyn’s nose and answered, “If you don’t know by now then you’ll never know it.” Ali motioned for her wife to sit up. Once Ash did, Ali started giving her a shoulder and neck massage. “You’re tight.” Ali said as her hands worked. 

“Yeah.” Ash replied. “It’s all the cleaning my wife makes me do.”

Ali’s hands stopped their work. “You’ve been cleaning too much? Is that the problem?” Ali’s questions were dripping with sarcasm. “Do I stress you out?”

Ashlyn smiled. “A little.”

Ali playfully smacked her wife’s back and said, “I’m so sorry, Baby. It’s a good thing I scheduled an appointment for you with your doctor today.”

“Wait...” Ash thought they were only teasing each other. Ali’s last words sounded serious. “What was that now?”  
“Are you losing your hearing in your old age?” Ali mocked. “Should we get that checked too?”

Ashlyn pulled away from her wife to offer enough room for her to turn around. She needed to see her wife’s face. “Alex, enough joking. What are you saying about an appointment?”

Ali held Ash’s hand and sweetly kissed it before answering, “Baby, we are going to the doctor today. You’ve been losing weight again. You look pale...and you’re getting tired during the day more than usual. I just want to get everything squared away before we fly out to meet Sammy and Kenzie.”

“I told you that I’m fine.” Ash said. 

Ali shrugged and answered, “You always say that. Let’s let the doctor tell me you’re fine.”

“Alex, I can’t live like this.” Ash said in frustration. She pulled away from her wife and stood to her feet. She was ready for a fight. “Every other week you’re making me prove that I’m not dying.”

Ali rolled her eyes and argued. “That’s an exaggeration, Ashlyn. I don’t think it’s a bad idea to get you checked out before we leave. You don’t have to go if you don’t want to, but I think you should go.”

“I don’t want to go.” Ash replied.

Ali got up from the bed and stood in front of Ashlyn with her hands on her hips and said, “I think you should go.”

Ali left the room with the last words. 

Ashlyn didn’t follow her to continue the argument. They had been married long enough for both of them to know that Ash would be going to her appointment and that Ali would thank her and apologize for worrying too much after it.

The doctor confirmed that Ashlyn had lost weight, but agreed with Ashlyn. She was fine. When Ali asked why her wife was losing weight, he asked a series of questions that made both women realize that Ashlyn hadn’t been eating much since the wedding planning had begun. Doctor’s orders were for Ashlyn to eat more calories and have more fun.

As expected, Ali apologized. “Baby, I’m sorry I worry so much about you...and maybe I push you too hard to help out at home.”

Ashlyn rolled her eyes and said, “You’re acting like I’m dying again. I can still help out at home. You don’t need to worry that every little thing is going to kill me.”

Ali started to get choked up when she said, “Baby, I don’t know how NOT to worry about you.”

Ash pulled her wife into her arms and said, “You’re allowed to worry, but I need you to trust me and stop thinking that I’m hiding some horrible sickness from you. I know I haven’t been the best in that past at sharing what’s going on inside of me, but I’ve changed. I promise you, I will tell you if I ever think something’s wrong.”

“I’m just so scared of losing you.” Ali admitted. 

Ashlyn replied, “I know. Neither of us can promise tomorrow, but I don’t want to lose today worrying about what we can’t control. I want to live and love as much of this life with you as I get the privilege to have.”

Ali squeezed her wife tightly and said, “I will always worry about you. You’re my whole life. If anything ever happened to you...”

Ashlyn cut her off with a kiss and said, “I know. I feel the same way about you.” 

...

The next morning at Sam and Kenzie’s camp site, Mackenzie woke her soon-to-be husband up as gently as she could.

“Hey.” Mackenzie said softly. 

She held Bailey in her arms like a baby. Sam let out a tired grunt. 

Kenzie informed her fiancé of the time. “It’s almost 10:30. I thought you would probably want to get moving.”

A shot of adrenaline woke Samuel up more fully. “We gotta go!” He said, before clumsily getting to his feet. He started to roll up his sleeping bag when he felt Mackenzie’s hand on his shoulder.

“We can take our time.” She said. “I think you have a fever. You need to take it easy.”

Samuel felt his own forehead and said, “I don’t feel sick.” 

“You’re like a human furnace right now.” Mackenzie replied. “It was nice for me last night because I got cold. You kept me warm.”

Sam smiled at the thought of providing comfort for his pregnant fiancé. 

Mackenzie continued, “But I don’t want you pushing yourself too hard. You are still recovering from the car accident. You had a concussion and bruised ribs. Your body is still healing. I don’t want you overdoing it. Bailey, Baby, and I are happy to relax and enjoy the view.”

The mention of their baby reminded Sam of something. He stretched his hand out toward Kenzie’s stomach and let it rest over where he imagined his first child was growing. 

“Any morning sickness?” Sam asked. 

Mackenzie shook her head, “Not much.”

Sam sighed, “I should’ve been with you.”

“You were...you are. We’re here together. Bailey’s here, too.” Kenzie joked.

Sam wasn’t happy with himself. “I slept through it.”

“If you want I can show you the pile of leaves I used to cover up where I got sick.” Kenzie teased. She squeezed Sam’s hand and encouraged, “It’s fine. You don’t have to be with me every second to be a good husband.”

“What about a good father?” Sam asked. “Our baby is making you sick. I should at least be awake.”

“You’re going to be a great dad. That’s the least of my worries. I have no doubt in my mind that you will be everything our baby and I could ever wish for.” 

The look on Samuel’s face made Mackenzie think he wasn’t convinced.

“You don’t agree?” Kenzie asked.

“I just don’t want to fail. You and our children will be the most important thing that I ever do with my life. I don’t want to let you down. What if I’m not enough to make you happy and keep you safe?.”

Mackenzie wanted to cry. How could he ever think that he wasn’t enough? 

“Sammy, where is this coming from? I told you, you make me so happy. My level of happiness with you is too much to measure.”

Sam got quiet and mumbled, “It’s dumb.”

“I’m sure it’s not.” Mackenzie replied. 

Samuel started packing up their camp. He made sure she couldn’t see his face when he said, “I guess I’m just thinking about my own father.”

Kenzie closed her eyes. She felt tears threaten to spill. She felt like she was the one that had failed. She should have been more sensitive. 

“I know it’s dumb. I have a great family. I don’t remember anything before I was adopted by the two best parents in the world. But my biological father tried to kill me...he did kill my biological mother...and nobody knows what he did to Lex. I don’t think anyone wants to know.” Sam explained. He turned to face his fiancé and added, “His blood is what runs through my veins. He’s a part of me.”

Mackenzie put her hands over Samuel’s to stop him from busying himself with the work of cleaning up their camp site. She pulled them to her lips and kissed them before saying, “You’re nothing like him. You know who you remind me of?”

Sam didn’t respond.

“Your mothers...” She answered with a sweet smile. “You’re a hard worker like both of them. You are kind and always try to help people, even when it’s not convenient. You’re sensitive and strong.” She smiled and asked, “Who does that remind you of?” 

She watched as his eyes brightened a little before she added, “You even rub your neck when you’re nervous or uncomfortable. Just like...”

Sam finished her thought and said, “...Ma.”

Kenzie nodded. 

“You don’t give up on taking care of the people you love...just like your Mom. You’re sweet and affectionate. You’re loyal and patient. You’re not like your father...you’re like your real parents...and our children are going to be proud to have your blood run through their veins. They’re going to be better people because you’re a part of them.

...

Ali heard her phone vibrate on her night stand. She saw that she had received a text message from her daughter. The irony was not lost on her when she saw her wife still asleep next to her in the middle of the day. The day before she had used Ashlyn’s napping habit against her and argued that it proved she needed to visit her doctor for a check-up. This time however, Ali was the cause of her wife’s need for an afternoon power nap. 

Ali kissed her wife’s bare shoulder before answering her daughter’s text. It was then that she noticed her daughter had sent her over a dozen messages in the last hour. Thankfully, she loved the topic that Lex had obsessively texted her about...Sam’s wedding.

Due to the fact that the twins were home, Ali threw on some clothes before leaving her wife behind to finish her nap. Earlier that day, she had discussed with Ashlyn how much she meant to her. Ashlyn did the same. It seemed natural to finish the conversation with a kiss. However, the kiss led to much more and ended with both women naked in their bed and completely out of energy. 

Ali dialed her daughter’s number just as she had closed the bedroom door behind her. Lexi didn’t waste time with polite greetings. She jumped right in with what she had wanted to discuss with her mother. 

“Mom, I’m assuming you want to get to the wedding location as soon as possible. I’m hoping to get there really early. With all of the things that we are going to need, we have to make several trips. I’m guessing you will want to be on the earliest flight there, right?”

Ali replied without a need to think it over, “Yeah, of course. Someone has to get things organized.”

“Do you think Mama would be able to come early too? We have so much we are going to need to get done. I think we need to plan on Jake and Rachel being in the last group to arrive. They won’t be much help. They will be too busy taking care of their kids.”

The truth was that Sam had a surprise that needed his parents to be out of the way until the reveal. Lexi was in on it, as well as Jacob. The twins had a difficult time keeping secrets, so they would have to find out after Ash and Ali were out of the way. Lexi felt like she had everything under control.

Ali replied confidently, “Your Mama will do whatever I ask her to do. Don’t worry about her. She learned when we were planning our wedding that it was easier for everyone if she did as she was told without question. ”

“Mom, that’s terrible.” Lexi replied. “But...yeah...my Charlotte has learned the same thing.”

...

“Sammy, I think we need to take a break.” Kenzie said. She had been following her fiancé for several hours. He was starting to show signs that convinced her he needed a break more than anyone. 

Sam was suspicious of Mackenzie’s motives. He thought for sure she was concerned about him more than herself. He pretended not to hear her and kept walking.

She smacked his backside hard and left her hand there as he tried to take a few steps forward up a rocky incline. She smacked it one more time with the other hand before saying, “Sammy, I know you heard me. The Baby and I need a rest and a snack.”

Immediately Samuel stopped. Mackenzie smirked. This pregnancy thing was going to give her even more leverage in getting what she wanted from her soon-to-be husband...not that that was a big problem to begin with.

“I know you have some food in your bag. Let’s sit down for a little bit and eat.” Mackenzie suggested. 

Sam was sweatier than normal and his head was pounding. He sat down next to Kenzie on a nearby large, flat rock and let her go through his bag. She found a few snacks, but before she could make sure Samuel ate, he had moved himself down so that his head was resting on the rock and his body was completely spread out on the ground. He closed his eyes and took deep breaths. His intention wasn’t to fall asleep, but that’s exactly what happened. 

Kenzie let him sleep for a bit before pouring half a canteen of water on his head. He woke up startled, but felt much better than when she had first convinced him to take a break. 

Samuel pushed himself up back onto the rock and took the canteen from Kenzie. He threatened to pour the rest of the water on her head, but brought it to his lips instead and took a drink. Mackenzie gave him a bag of jerky and some crackers. 

While he ate she asked, “How are you feeling?”

“Better.” He answered. 

“You weren’t looking too good.”

Sam nodded and said, “I was starting to feel dizzy.”

Mackenzie shook her head. She knew he wasn’t feeling well. “Why did you push yourself?” She asked.

“We need to get somewhere before sundown.” Sam answered. “It’s important.” 

He started to get up when he felt Kenzie grab his arm and pull him down. “Hold on.” She said. “Bailey is still resting.”

Samuel was ready to argue, but their dog was spread out on the ground enjoying the sunshine. Her tongue hung out and her belly faced the sky. It was clear she was as happy as could be to stay there. He didn’t have the heart to interrupt her basking.

“A few more minutes won’t make much of a difference.” Sam said. He put his arm around his almost-wife and smiled. “You look really pretty today.” He said.

“I do not.” She replied. “I’m sweaty and dirty.” She raised her arm up and smelled her armpit before adding, “...and I’m pretty sure I stink.”

“You don’t stink...and you may be sweaty and dirty, but you’re still the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen.”

Mackenzie didn’t believe him, but it didn’t matter. His sweet charm won her over a long time ago. As for Sam, he was 100% telling the truth. In his mind, no one compared to Mackenzie.

...

Ali’s knife sliced through a fresh tomato she had picked from her garden that morning. Her skin covered in goosebumps when she felt her wife’s gentle hand slip around her waist from behind. Ashlyn’s breath was hot on her neck and her lips soon followed.

“Baby, remember the children.” Ali gasped. It took everything she had to concentrate on forming words.

Ashlyn smirked and kissed her wife once more before separating. She casually leaned against the counter and waited for her wife to catch her breath. 

“The twins have seen way worse.” Ash reminded her wife. “Remember that one time in the back yard?” 

“Stop.” Ali commanded. Her face immediately filled with red. “Our babies are somewhere in the house. You’re going to traumatize them.”

“We’ve seen worse.” Jamie said loudly from behind them both. 

“Way worse.” Bella agreed.

Ali pinched her wife’s side as punishment and pushed her out of the way. “I’m making dinner. Are you two joining us?” Ali asked, changing the subject. “Your mother is driving me crazy. I could really use some civilized company around here.”

The former defender winked at her wife and then reached for her hand. She squeezed it encouragingly and added, “We would love to spend some time with our youngest babies. All of our other babies are too grown up and busy for us.”

Jamie shook his head and went straight to his mother. He wrapped his arms around her and lifted her off the ground before he said, “That’s why you love us the most. We will never be too busy for you.”

Bella chimed in, “Actually, we have plans tonight...but we can pencil you in sometime tomorrow.”

“How nice of you.” Ashlyn said sarcastically. “Actually...” She added, mocking her daughter. “...I’m taking your mother out to dinner tonight. You two are boring and we wanted to include you so you wouldn’t feel bad.”

Bella rolled her eyes and said, “Sure, Mama. Whatever you say. We all know that your world revolves around us. You would be lost if you didn’t have us to take care of.”

...

Sam led the way through a thick wooded area. Mackenzie and Bailey followed behind. 

“It’s just through here...” Sam said. 

He had to duck his head through some branches and after a few steps the view was completely clear. In front of them was a waterfall with water so clear Mackenzie felt compelled to cup her hands and drink it.

“This is beautiful.” Kenzie said. “How did you ever find this place?”

Sam smiled and answered, “This is just the first stop.”

“But how did you find it? I can’t put into words how beautiful this is.”

Samuel sighed before answering. He wanted her to know how important it was to him to find the perfect location. He wanted her to know that he cared more about her than convenience and that he would never settle when it came to making her happy.

“I did a lot of research and explored a lot of different places. I wanted it to be perfect.” Sam answered. 

“It is perfect.” Kenzie said, feeling breathless. The scene had literally taken her breath away.

Sam’s smile was as wide as it had ever been. He watched as his fiancé took in their surroundings. She marveled at the beauty around them. 

After several moments, Samuel offered his hand to Kenzie. Once she had filled it with her own, he led her beneath the waterfall and let the water run down their connected bodies. No words were exchanged at first. Instead, Sam pressed their foreheads together and got lost in his fiancé's eyes.

Mackenzie was still trying to catch her breath. She had never felt so loved in her life. The intimate moment between them was beyond words. She felt there was nothing she could say at that point in time that would make it any more perfect.

When it was time for the couple to set up their camp, Mackenzie had to ask, “If this is just a stop on the way, how can anything top this?” She knew that Sam had a master plan. Their final stop was supposed to be the destination of their wedding. She couldn’t imagine anything more beautiful than where they were. 

Samuel smiled, pointed upward and said, “We’re going up there...the top of the waterfall.”

...

Ashlyn’s arm rested around her wife’s shoulders. She was as close to her as possible. 

“This is nice.” Ali said. “This whole day has been really nice.”

Ashlyn nodded in agreement. 

Ali continued, “Not too bad for a couple who’s been married for a million years and has taken care of a million kids.”

Ashlyn laughed, “Not too bad at all.” Ashlyn kissed her wife’s cheek. “I gotta be honest.” Ash added. “I’m okay with our kids being too busy to hang out with us. It means I get to spoil my wife.”

“Finally!” Ali joked. “I’ve been waiting.”

Ashlyn got serious. “Ya know, as much as I love our kids. You were always more than enough for me, woman.”

“Aww...that’s sweet.” Ali swooned. “I can’t imagine our lives without our babies, but I agree with you. You are everything I ever dreamed of.”

“I feel so old.” Ash said. “I feel like no one tells you how to get older. Retirement? No kids to take care of? How does that work?”

Ali let her head fall to Ashlyn’s shoulder when she replied, “You’re not retired because you’re old. You’re retired because of your health and because we can afford it. You’ve built a business that you should be proud of. Our family is our most precious accomplishment. You have nothing to regret. You did everything right.”

“I definitely did not do everything right.” Ash argued. “Remember all the stupid arguments we had because of my immaturity. I was so messed up. I had no idea what it meant to love a wife and kids.”

Ali disagreed. “You knew better than anyone I have ever met. You always think that your lack of a strong family growing up made you less of a wife and mother, but I think it did the opposite. You were stubborn in your commitment to love us. I hope our children learned that from you. I hope they love as deeply and stubbornly as you.”

Ashlyn laughed. The word ‘stubborn’ was not usually directed toward her as being a good thing.

“I’m serious, Ash. We had some hard times, but you never gave up on us.”

Ashlyn felt a little guilty when she confessed, “I thought about it a couple of times.” 

Ali lifted her head and met her wife’s eyes when she said, “Me too.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.” Ali admitted. “I think everyone who’s been married as long as we have, and has dealt with all that we have, has probably had those kind of thoughts.”

“I never seriously considered it, but I did envy how uncomplicated life could be free of responsibilities and accountability.” Ash explained. “I think it was during one of our fights and when Lex and Bam hated each other and fought every day. I remember my head was throbbing in pain and I was feeling like there had to have been an easier life for me to have chosen.”

Ali smiled gently and asked, “So...what do you think now? Did you choose the right life?”

Ashlyn’s forehead furrowed as she thought about the question. She answered very seriously, “I’m not sure I really had a choice.”

“What do you mean?”

“The day I met you...all other options would never be good enough. I had to be with you. My heart wouldn’t allow anything else, but to love you.”

...

After three more days of hiking, Samuel slid his backpack off, opened the large section, and carefully placed Bailey inside.

“What are you doing?” Mackenzie asked. 

Sam nodded toward the side of a cliff and said, “We have to climb that. I don’t want to lose her.”

Kenzie’s eyes grew big. “Is it safe?”

“We rock climb all the time.” Sam answered. He didn’t see the problem.

Mackenzie wanted to throw up. “That was without Bailey and before I was pregnant.”

Samuel looked very confused. It never dawned on him that his fiancé was a risk to climb the side of a cliff. He felt so stupid.

He rubbed the back of his neck anxiously as he thought about a solution. If they turned back, they would miss their own wedding. If they moved forward, they might fall to their death.

Samuel got an idea. He snapped his fingers in excitement and asked, “What if I climb up by myself and then we can tie a rope around your waist and I’ll pull you up?”

Mackenzie rolled her eyes, not at Samuel, but at herself. “That’s not necessary. I can do this.”

“Are you sure?” Sam asked. 

Mackenzie sighed loudly and said, “It’s dumb of me to think that I can’t. We do this stuff all the time. Just because I’m a little bit pregnant doesn’t mean that I am suddenly less capable.”

“That’s my girl.” Sam said proudly. 

He tied a rope around himself and Kenzie, just in case, but knew they wouldn’t need it. The climb was short and much easier than Mackenzie had expected. Sam smiled when he saw the top and helped his fiancé the last few steps. 

Mackenzie took in the spot where Sam had led her and breathlessly said in awe, “It’s beautiful.”


	287. Family Is Forever (Part Four)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a FLASHFORWARD chapter.

Samuel helped his fiancé the last few feet of the climb and showed her the spot...HER spot. 

He had spent almost every spare moment he had while they were dating searching for it. When he figured out that Mackenzie was the woman he would marry, he wanted to make sure he found a place that would be able to hold the perfect moment for her. At first, he planned for it to be the place where he would propose. However when she got pregnant, things got a little complicated. 

Neither of them had changed their mind about wanting to spend forever together, but both of them erred on the side of protecting the other from feeling an obligation to stay together. Both worried that their unborn baby would sway the other’s decision. It would have been comical if it wasn’t so painfully sweet. They spent a few days in absolute misery because neither wanted to say the wrong thing or force the other’s hand. 

When Mackenzie, who had figured out that Sam was about to propose, finally told him about the baby growing inside her, she made him promise not to respond right away. She wanted him to really think about what HE wanted and not respond with what he thought was the right thing to do because he was a good man. Again, she was trying to protect him from saying something in the moment that he might later regret...like vowing to never leave her no matter what.

Of course, Samuel was ready to make that vow with or without a baby. He felt the only way to prove that to her was to offer her the ring he had been holding onto and saving for the “perfect moment.” 

He thought that the perfect moment was going to happen on a cliffside at sunset, but he was beginning to find out that any moment could be perfect with Kenzie by his side. 

Never the less, at sunset that night he asked to see Mackenzie’s ring. 

“I think I see something on it. I just wanna check.” He said. Kenzie worried that she had somehow messed up her beloved ring. She handed it to him with worried eyes. 

At this moment he knelt down in front of her, held the ring out toward her and said, “Kenze, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I knew I wanted to marry you the moment I saw you...”

Mackenzie shook her head in disbelief. “You didn’t even know my full name.”

“That’s because Mackenzie plus your phone number didn’t fit on my hand. You write too big.” Sam answered. “Ask Lex, she knew I loved you back then. She was so annoyed at me and certain that you would break my heart.”

“She said that?” Kenzie asked. “Should I talk to her?”

Sam stood up quickly and put his finger over her mouth and said, “Shhh...I’m kind of in the middle of something here.”

“Oh yeah..sorry.” Kenzie replied with a smile. She watched as he knelt back down and took a deep breath before continuing. Did she see a hint of nerves? She had already said yes. They were getting married the next day, and it seemed as if he was nervous of her answer.

She couldn’t help but tease him. “You do know that we’re getting married tomorrow, right? Our parents are coming...our families...and friends...”

“Will you shut up and let me propose to you, please?!” Samuel asked in a huff.

She nodded and smiled before pretending to zip her lips and throw away the imaginary key.

He took another deep breath and continued what he had started, “You’re not only the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met, but you’re also the kindest person I know...which makes you even more attractive to me. You always put others first without a second thought about what it will cost you. I couldn’t ever imagine growing old, or raising my children with anyone other than you. You’ve set the bar too high. I could never be happy without you.”

Samuel bowed his head for a moment and sighed before adding, “But...”

Kenzie held her breath. Sam’s “but” sounded odd. He was on a roll and suddenly his tone and body language seemed to have changed.

Kenzie felt her heart beat strong against her chest and couldn’t find her next breath. She needed to know what came after Samuel’s “but...”

“But...I don’t care as much about what makes me happy as I do about what makes you happy. I want you to be happy every day. I want you to be happy every second for the rest of your life...and if you marry me tomorrow, I promise you I will do everything I can to make you happy. I will work hard at it like it’s my life’s purpose...because it is.”

Sam smiled and asked one final time, “Kenzie, will you marry me?”

...

“Baby I need you to get moving.” Ali whispered into her wife’s ear. Ashlyn was taking her time waking up on the morning of their son’s wedding.

Ali continued, “It’s not my fault that you stayed up late with Bella and Jamie. We need to leave early to help Lex set things up. You’re not as young as you used to be. You can’t be acting like our babies.”

Ash grunted and rolled over so that her back faced her wife. The couple had checked into a hotel near the wedding destination the day before with the rest of the family. Ali knew that they had a lot that needed to be done so she went to bed at a reasonable hour. Ashlyn, on the other hand, spent the night and early hours of the morning with their youngest children exploring the area and eating junk food.

Ali rolled her eyes. “Ashlyn Michelle, you can’t sleep through Sammy’s wedding day. You need to get up.” Ali rubbed her wife’s back and added, “I know this might be a hard day for you, but we have things we need to do. They’re counting on us.”

Ali was half worried that her wife was going to have a similar experience like she had on Lexi’s wedding day. That day they ended up taking Ash to the emergency room. 

Ashlyn rolled back towards her wife and said, “Relax, woman.”

“Relax?” Ali asked teasingly. “You mean relax like you and refuse to get out of bed?”

Ashlyn’s face wore a lazy smile. She grabbed the front of her wife’s shirt and pulled her down for a kiss. 

“Babe, if you were in this bed with me we wouldn’t be relaxing.” Ashlyn flirted with a wink. “If you know what I mean...”

Ali rolled her eyes at her wife for a second time that morning and said, “Oh, I always know what you mean, but do you know what I mean when I say that if you don’t get your cute butt out of this bed now I am going to lose my mind?”

Ashlyn laughed off her wife’s threat and shared one more kiss with her before she got her cute butt out of bed and helped with whatever Ali told her to do.

...

“Jacob, I need your help!” Rachel announced loudly while she struggled to keep her two sons in the bathtub.

The hotel room that Sam and Mackenzie had reserved for them was a family sized room with a lounge area and small kitchen attached. They had only been there one night and the place was already a mess. There were toys and clothes everywhere. The kids loved the mini vacation, but they were keeping their parents busy. 

Jake answered, “I’m trying to get our daughter dressed.”

“Jacob!” Rachel yelled.

He threw his mischievious, half-dressed daughter over his shoulder and carried her to the bathroom where her brothers were splashing wildly and squirting out the remainder of shampoo from it’s bottle.

“What do you want me to do?” Jake asked when he saw what his boys were up to. He felt like there was nothing he could possibly do to make things easier. It’s not like he could get the wasted shampoo back in it’s bottle.

Rachel sighed and asked, “Can you please take care of them? I’ll finish dressing her.”

Jacob smiled tenderly and answered, “Yeah.” Before he let down his daughter he took hold of his wife’s arm and pulled her gently toward him for a kiss. He instructed their oldest child to kiss her too and watched as Rachel’s countentance brightened immediately. 

She gave him a quick squeeze and before she took little Abigail from him she whispered, “I love you.”

It was at that moment that they heard a knock on their door. A very wet and soapy Asher yelled out, “Come in!”

His little brother, Benny copied him immediately. “Come in!” He shouted. He giggled and splashed more water at his big brother. He dove towards him and headbutted him in the chest in a way that only a brother could appreciate.

When Rachel went to the door she put their daughter down and watched as she ran away from her. Abigail ran towards the living room-lounge area where she and her brothers had built a blanket fort. She shrieked in a joy-filled high pitch scream and threw the cushions from the couch at the fort...completely destroying it.

When Lexi and Charlie saw Rachel’s face and heard the volume of their neice and nephews, they immediately wondered if they were both ready to have children. Lex let her hand rest on her pregnant stomach and prayed that she would have a child that wasn’t as loud and wild as the little girl her brother had fathered...although she knew that no matter what, she would love her daughter and would learn to embrace the wildness that seemed to run in her family. 

“Sorry.” Rachel aplogized. “Come in.” She said. She left the door open for them to walk through and immediately looked at the mess her children had created. She began to pick up random items from the floor but soon realized it was a battle she couldn’t win. There was no chance of appearing to have a presentable room for their guests to visit. 

Lexi put her hand on her sister-in-law’s back and said, “The twins will be here all day to help you.”

Rachel almost teared up. Her husband’s thoughtful sister was the best. She smiled gratefully and said, “You knew we would need a small army to get these kids presentable.”

“Thankfully we have one.” Charlie said with a quiet laugh. 

Lexi nodded and said, “More of our small army will be arriving soon. You’re in charge of them while I leave to take our parents to join Sam and Kenzie. I can’t promise that you won’t be needed at all here with your cute babies, but you will have reinforcements available.”

Rachel peeked into the bathroom where her three favorite boys were. Her husband was almost completely soaked and her two sons were nowhere near being ready to get dressed. She hugged Lexi and sighed, “How soon can the troops get here?”

...

Sam was not happy. He didn’t think that people would be arriving so early to the place that he had decided belonged to Mackenzie. How was he supposed to make it perfect for her if he had to share it with his family?

Lexi teased him as she approached. “Don’t look so happy to see me.”

He rolled his eyes and asked, “What are you doing here?”

“Where’s Kenzie?” Lexi asked, completely ignoring his question.

Sam was clearly upset. He looked over his sister’s shoulder at their parents, along with Mackenzie’s father, Charlie, and a small group of people he didn’t know. They were all carrying things towards them. 

Lexi turned towards the approaching group and pointed in another direction and said, “Go ahead and set up over there.” 

“Why are you here so early?” Sam asked again. His frustration was hard to hide, especially since he wasn’t trying to hide it at all.

Once again Lexi ignored her brother’s question and asked, “Where’s Kenzie?”

Samuel was clearly frustrated when he quietly answered, “She’s throwing up. She asked me to keep you away so she could have some privacy.”

“You shouldn’t have left her.” Lexi replied. She started to push her brother away to encourage him to go to his fiance. 

He didn’t budge. “Lex, answer me.”

“You both said you wanted to make our parents feel special and honored. They came early so you could surprise them with brunch. After you all eat, Kenzie’s Dad will leave with me, and Mom and Mama will stay with Charlie to set up.” Lexi answered. Lexi narrowed her eyes and tilted her head cockily and added, “It was Kenzie’s idea.” 

Samuel was starting to feel a little bad for getting irritated with his sister. 

Lexi continued, “You were there when we talked about doing this. You said you loved the idea.” She laughed at him and added, “You wanted to share your special day by honoring our parents and Kenzie’s Dad. You can’t get mad at me for following through with your own plans.”

“Thanks.” He grunted in her direction. He remembered about honoring his parents and Mackenzie’s father, but had forgotten about their brunch plans. “Can you keep them busy while I attend to Kenze?” He asked. He didn’t want to appear rude to their parents, but Mackenzie needed him.

Lexi winked at him and said, “I’ve got it all under contriol.”

As he walked away Sam mumbled sarcastically, “Oh, I’m sure you do.”

...

“Holy crap, these kids are loud.” Jamie whispered to his sister. 

Bella nodded with wide eyes and a pounding headache. She knew exactly what he said even though she couldn’t actually hear him over the noise of their niece and nephews.

Jacob had left with his wife to greet wedding guests. He was gone for less than an hour, but the twins were ready to surrender their babysiting duties and find a quiet place to hide. 

When Jake returned he couldn’t help but laugh. His children had taken over the room and claimed his brother and sister as hostages. 

“You two okay?” Jacob asked with a grin.

Bella shook her head. The small movement caused her head to ache even more. 

Jake laughed again and annouced his presence to his children. He had to yell loudly for them to be able to hear him over their own volume. His three little monsters ran to him and covered him with hugs and kisses..and a few playful punches thrown in for wildness sake. 

Bella thought they didn’t seem as much like scary creatures in that moment. Jacob pointed towards a book that was shoved in between two couch cushions.

Bella brought the book to him, he held it up above his head and announced, “Story time!”

The kids immediately ran to one of the beds in the suite. They gathered their favorite toys around them and waited excitedly for their father to join them. 

“Daddy can I read?” Abigail asked sweetly. 

Jacob answered, “Of course, my little angel.”

Jamie and Bella observed the scene from a distance. They didn’t want to do anything that might ruin the peace that had replaced the chaos. It was amazing that their oldest brother had such a powerful effect on the same children that just moments ago terrified both of them from the idea of ever having children of their own.

Jake joined them in the bed. All three children managed to find a place in his lap. By the end of the first few pages, both boys had fallen asleep and were cuddled into their father’s side. 

A few pages later, Abby closed the book and said through a yawn, “Daddy, I’m tired.”

Jake kissed the top of his daughter’s head as the last of his children fell asleep. After carefully removing himself from the tangled limbs of his children...a skill he had mastered over the years...he said, “They’re not usually this crazy. They’re just excited about the trip and they were overdue for their nap.”

Jacob added, “They’re really good kids.”

“Yeah.” Bella agreed as she stared at them while they slept peacefully. “They’re so cute.”

Jamie didn’t agree. “They’re maniacs...little demons...crazy mini-sized monsters.” He said. He waved his arm toward the mess of toys and blankets on the floor and added, “They’re a three man wrecking crew. They leave nothing but destruction in their wake.”

“They’re sweet.” Bella argued. Now that they were unconscious they didn’t seem so scary to her.

Jacob smirked. He watched as his youngest brother refused to take his eyes off of the children. As if they were waiting for him to look away before waking up and terrorizing their aunt and uncle all over again. 

“I’ll be back soon to check on you.” Jake said. “They should sleep for an hour or so if you don’t wake them up.” He smiled thinking about what lengths the twins would soon go through to make sure his children’s naptime wentt uninterrupted. “If they do wake up, they’ll be hungry.” He showed them a few snacks in the refrigerator and the pantry and said, “Don’t let them eat everything. We need these to last for the rest of the trip.”

Once Jacob left, Isabella said, “I’m gonna take a nap too.”

“Not me.” Jamie replied. He walked to the side of the bed where the children slept. He bent down close near each of their faces to make sure that they weren’t faking. He quietly whispered to them, “You look so innocent, but you can’t fool me.”

Bella interrupted her brother and said through a yawn, “You’re being crazy. They’re just kids. You should rest while you have the chance.”

He shook his head and said, “I’m not turning my back on them. The moment I do they will strike.”

“Seriously...” Bella said, “...you’re being crazy. They’re just kids.”

...

Brunch with the parents was a success. Lexi left everyone with instructions about their responsibilities while she was gone. Charlie stayed with Ashlyn, Ali, Sam, and Mackenzie, as well as a few other people who were hired to help set up. She planned for a portable shower to be set up for them and insisted that Samuel make use of it. According to her, his face and smell were an embarassment to the entire family and his Bride deserved better.

Mackenzie was grateful for the shower and the two separate large tents Lexi had hired people to set up for them, so that she and Samuel could get ready separately when the time came. She volunteered to shower first so Sam could spend a little time alone with his parents.

“Sammy, you have made us feel so special today.” Ali said. She looped her arm in his and leaned happily against his shoulder. 

Ashlyn smiled as her wife continued to gush. “We never would have imagined you going out of your way today to make us feel so loved. Sweetheart, I am so proud of the man you’ve become.”

“Thanks.” Sam replied, feeling a little embarassed and guilty. He was the one who had completely forgotten about the brunch. Mackenzie and Lexi were really the ones to thank, but confessing the truth wouldn’t make anyone feel better...so he kept it to himself.

Ali continued, “You are the sweetest boy.”

Ashlyn stifled a laugh. “He’s the biggest boy I’ve ever seen.”

“Stop!” Ali said, joining in the laughter. “You know what I mean. He will always be our sweet little boy.”

Sam’s face turned red. He was ready for what he knew was coming next. Ali was going to take them down memory lane.

“Remember when we brought him home?” Ali asked. “He was so little and sick.”

Ashlyn had been laughing at her wife, but the moment she was reminded of her son’s arrival into their family and the struggles he faced, she stopped laughing. A glossy shine filled her eyes as she visited the same memory as her wife.

Ali continued, “He barely ate anything. He was so picky. Everything made him sick.” She wrapped both arms around his waist and said, “My poor baby!”

Samuel squeezed her and said, “I don’t have that problem anymore. I’ll eat anything.”

He was attempting to make her laugh, but she wasn’t done reminiscing. 

“When people hurt his feelings he used to always say that they hurt his heart.” Ali said. “He was...” She corrected herself, “...IS such a sensitive boy.”

“Come on, Mom...” Sam whined. “I’m not a little boy anymore.”

Ashlyn chimed in, “Sorry, Bam. You will always be our little boy.”

“Our little Sammy.” Ali added.

“Listen...parents.” Sam said, trying to address both of them at the same time. “I’m very lucky to have been adopted by the two best parents in the world, but I’m not a little boy anymore. Kenze and I might have a little boy on the way, but for now you’re just gonna have to settle for the two little boys that Jake has brought into the family. Also Jamie is still pretty little. You should be able to get a few more good years out of him. He needs as much help as he can get.”

Ashlyn shook her head no and replied, “No, son. That’s not how it works. You’re a little boy for as long as your mother says.”

“That’s right.” Ali agreed. “Now give me a hug and kiss.”

Sam grinned before he kissed both his parents and pulled them in for a group hug.

...

The last group of wedding guests made their way up a short hiking trail to the wedding destination. Everyone had to be flown in by hellicopter and then had to hike about a mile to get to where Sam had picked out for the wedding. Both Kenzie and Sam had planned on having a small group of people there, but once they had narrowed down who would be there it turned into more than they had originally thought. 

Throughout the day Lexi and Kenzie’s father had arranged for groups of people to be droppped off to join the celebration. The final group included two people Sam was not expecting to see. The first person was his old friend, Joey. 

“Joseph!” Sam exclaimed when he saw his childhood best buddy walk towards him. “I thought you were in Portland saving the world.” Samuel embraced his friend and shook him roughly before releasing him. 

Joey, who had always been Samuel’s quiet side kick as a kid, shrugged and said, “I couldn’t miss your weird wedding.”

“It is weird, isn’t it?” Sam said. “We’re weird...so it makes sense for us.”

“My Mom brags about Mackenzie all the time. Her and her Dad have really helped a lot of families.” Joey said. “She sounds perfect for you.”

Sam grinned proudly. “Yeah, she is.” He playfully punched his friend in the shoulder and asked, “What about you? Anyone special? What about that partner of your’s?”

Joey had become the police officer that his abusive father always dreamed of being. Just like his mother, he vowed to help protect people from criminals like his father.

“We’re just friends.” Joey answered. “You know how I am with women. I’m too shy. I get nervous and sound like an idiot whenever a pretty girl is near.”

“Is that why you are always quiet around me?” Lexi teased. She had overheard their conversation and couldn’t help but give Joey a hard time. He was like a little brother to her. 

Immediately his faced turned bright red. Samuel noticed and discovered something. 

“Wait a minute.” Sam said. “You?” He pointed toward Lexi and added, “Her?”

Lexi was only teasing. When she found out that her little brother’s best friend might have had a crush on her when they were kids she mercifully left the awkward situation. 

“I need to check on my wife.” She said as she left them.

Samuel hummed to himself as he debated how to proceed. He could either continue to make his friend uncomfortable or he could drop it. Luckilly for him, Samuel saw his second unexpected guest.

Sam’s grandfather was being helped up the trail. He had both Jacob and Jamie on each side, helping him walk without the assistance of his usual cane. 

Grandpa Krieger was the man who taught Samuel all about hiking and camping. He would take him and his siblings out for camping trips where they would learn about life and that their grandfather loved them more than anything in the world.

Joey was also part of many of those trips. He wasn’t offended when his old friend left him to greet the man who gave them both so much of his heart and time.

“Grandpa, what are you doing here?” Sam asked. He gently hugged the old man and said, “We were supposed to meet you at the hotel for dinner. This trip is too hard for you.”

Ken loudly cleared his throat and replied, “You have a wedding on top of a mountain and expect me not to be here to see it?”

Sam sighed, “I guess I should’ve known better.”

“Yes, you should have.” Ken said. “I’m proud of you. You’ve made me very proud.” Big Ken, who was always stoic in nature, got a little choked up when he added, “You’ve become the man I always hoped you’d be.”

Now it was Samuel’s turn to get choked up. His grandfather was the reason he loved the outdoors. He wouldn’t have half of his adventurous spirit if it weren’t for him.

“I’m really glad you made it, Gramps.” Sam said before giving his grandpa another hug. He helped him to a chair and visited with him for a few more minutes before being called away to help with an important matter.

Ali was just as surprised to see her father there as Samuel was. She made sure to give him a seat in the front row next to her and Ashlyn.

The important matter that needed Samuel’s attention was Mackenzie. Rachel had checked on her and decided that the Bride needed the Groom before the wedding could start.

...

Mackenzie’s father held his daughter in a reassuring embrace. The Bride cried into her father’s chest. When Samuel entered her tent to check on her and saw her father holding her, he thought his fiancé was having second thoughts about marrying him. It was the scariest moment of his life.

He cleared his throat to make his presence known. Mackenzie’s Dad looked relieved that he was there. He released his daughter from their hug and walked toward Samuel. He patted him on the shoulder and nodded, before leaving them alone. 

Usually Samuel appreciated his hopefully soon-to-be father-in-law’s quiet and calm demeanor, but in that moment he wished he would have given him some sort of expression that would give him a clue about what was going on. 

Mackenzie had retreated to the back end of the large tent. She was facing the furthest wall from him. It was clear she didn’t want him to see that she was crying. Samuel wondered if she decided she didn’t want him to be part of her life anymore.

He swallowed hard and approached her slowly...

...

“Charlotte...” Lexi said as she brought her wife’s hand to her lips. After placing a kiss on it she finished her thought, “...this is so romantic. You did a great job setting things up.”

“I didn’t do it alone...and you told me how you wanted it. So I guess you’re the one that deserves the compliment.” Charlotted replied. She shared a sweet smile with her wife before lightly carressing Lexi’s cheek with her hand. “You look beautiful.”

Lexi laughed, “You’re lying.” She rolled her eyes and complained in frustration, “I feel bloated and hungry all the time. I can barely fit into my dress, which by the way I bought only a week ago. I’m so tired.” She shrugged and added, “Seriously, Charlotte! I’m tired all of the time. I wake up in the morning wishing I could go back to sleep and take a nap.”

Charlie nodded along as her wife complained. Her eyes were soft and comforting. “I know, Babe. I’m sorry you’re going through this, but it’s all going to be worth it when our little girl is here.”

Lexi’s eyes began to well up and the corners of her mouth revealed a small, grateful smile. She pulled Charlie’s face towards her with both hands into a passionate kiss before asking, “Do you know how much I love you?”

“I have an idea.” Charlie said with a smirk.

Lexi shook her head and argued, “I don’t think you do. I don’t think anyone could ever know how much I love you. You’re so patient with me...all the time. You never make me feel like I’m being ridiculous...even though I usually am being ridiculous.” Lexi brushed her wife’s lips with her thumb and added, “I don’t think I even know the full extent of how madly in love I am with you.”

Charlie kissed her wife’s thumb that was still resting on her lips and said, “I’m the one who hit the jackpot.” She pulled Lexi into a hug and added, “You’re not ridiculous. You’re perfect.”

...

“Kenze...” Sam said tenderly as he approached her. “...why are you crying?”

She felt his touch, his hand on her shoulder, and she instinctively turned toward him and let his arms envelop her. 

“Hey...” Sam said, his voice filled with worry. “What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

Mackenzie pressed her forehead into Sam’s chest and said, “It’s all happening so fast.”

Sam stilled his breathing. Was this the moment she was going to change her mind about marrying him?

Kenzie continued, “I didn’t have time.”

Sam started breathing again and asked, “Time for what?” It seemed she wasn’t about to break his heart. 

“Baby, I’m so sorry.” She said before she started to cry again.

Samuel went back to thinking that she was going to destroy his whole world in the next few moments by telling him she didn’t want to marry him anymore.

When she saw that he was starting to get teary eyed she apologized again, “No, I’m not sorry for the reason you’re thinking. I could never hurt you like that.”

Sam wiped at his eyes and said, “Just say whatever it is. I can’t take this anymore.”

Mackenzie forced herself to take a calming breath before she explained, “I just feel bad. You’ve done so much to make everything perfect for me. This whole thing started because you wanted to give me the perfect moment. You wanted me to have something that I could have forever. You wanted it to be all about me.”

Samuel nodded in agreement. That’s exactly what he planned for and had hoped would be accomplished by their proposal, trip, and wedding. 

“Sammy, it’s not fair.” Kenzie said sadly. 

She felt guilty that it was all about her and that she had been so caught up in the perfect moments that Sam had worked hard to give her that she hadn’t had time to plan anything special for him. It wasn’t like her. One of the things Sam loved most about her was her thoughtfullness. She was always thinking of others. She hated that she had gotten so swept away by Samuel’s grand gestures. Mackenzie wanted the man she loved to feel as loved on their wedding day as she did.

Sam asked, “What’s not fair?”

“You’ve done so much for me. So many perfect moments.” Mackenzie answered. She started crying again when she continued to explain what was bothering her, “You’ve given me so many perfect moments and I didn’t have time to get you anything. I wanted to get you a new truck to replace your old one after the accident, but even that wouldn’t have been enough. I feel like I need to give you something. You’ve given me so much...”

Samuel stopped her from finishing her thought. He was once again amazed by his fiancé’s thoughtfulness.

“Are you kidding me?” He asked rhetorically. “You’re serious?” He made sure Kenzie was looking into his eyes so she would see that he was speaking from the heart before he continued, “You’re carrying my child.” And if that sentence wasn’t enough to convince her he continued, “Maybe I’ve been able to give you a few perfect moments, but you’re giving me a lifetime of moments by marrying me and another lifetime of moments by having our child. I can’t even count all of the moments from the rest of our future children...” He smiled and added, “...and our grandchildren.” 

Mackenzie smiled through tears. 

Samuel continued, “Everything...every moment...that I have will be because of you.”

He kissed her forehead, placed his hand on her stomach and said, “Quite frankly, I will never be able to make it up to you.”

Samuel would have continued to tell her of how indebted he was to her but the couple was interrupted by Jacob and his son.

“I’m so sorry.” Jake apologized as he poked his head into the opening of the tent. “Asher threw up on himself. Lex said you have a portable shower in here.”

Both Sam and Kenzie burst into laughter. Something like this would only happen at their wedding.

Little Asher was in tears. Samuel gave Kenzie a quick kiss on the cheek before attending to his nephew. 

“Hey, little buddy...” Sam said as he took the boy from his brother’s arms. “What happened?”

“Uncle Jamie let me eat too much chocolate.” Asher complained. He had learned from his big sister how to blame things on other people. 

Sam hummed as if he was judging the truthfullness of Asher’s explanation. The little boy was worried he would get into trouble. Instead Samuel shared one of his own stories. 

“Did I ever tell you about the time I ate an entire box of cookies?” Sam asked. 

Asher shook his head and wiped his runny nose with his sleeve. 

“I got really sick. I thought I was gonna get in trouble, but it ended up okay.” Sam said. “Just like you today. It’s gonna be okay.”

“But look...” Asher said with a shaky voice. He was trying desperately not to start crying again. “I got throw up on my bow tie. Aunt Lexi said I had to wear it for the wedding.”

Samuel helped him take off his bow tie and dress shirt. He gently washed his face and managed to get his shirt looking clean. It was a little wet, but at the casual wedding no one would notice. 

Sam, without a second thought, took his own bow tie off and put it on his nephew. “You’re my best little buddy. You need a bow tie.”

Asher’s eyes lit up. He felt like he was someone important. He felt like no one else could take his place. Samuel’s bow tie was much bigger than the child-sized one Asher had previously worn, but the fact that it belonged to Sam made Asher think it was the best one any of the guests could wear.

Mackenzie watched proudly as her “almost” husband yet again made it a priority on their wedding day to make someone else feel special. 

She couldn’t wait to marry him.

...

Samuel and Mackenzie got married on the side of a cliff in front of a breathtaking sunset. The ceremony was short and casual. At one point they called all of the family members in attendance up to stand with them as they shared their vows. The reason they gave for the non-traditional gesture was that they wanted those closest to them to not only witness their commitment, but to be a part of it. 

With their entrie family surrounding them, Samuel spoke in front of the small crowd. 

“We know that our wedding has been different.” Sam shared a look with his old friend, Joey and said, “Some might even describe it as weird.” He laughed. “It’s been really inconvenient for some of you.” He smiled at his grandfather who was being supported by his litte brother and said, “Sorry, Gramps.”

The small group laughed in agreement as he continued, “As most of you know, we’ve planned a reception back at the hotel. It’s going to take time for all of us to get back. Please be patient. We hope what we have planned will be worth the wait.”

Samuel and Mackenzie had one more surprise waiting for their most important guests.


	288. Family Is Forever (Part Five)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a FLASHBACK that leads into the final "Family Is Forever" chapter.

_Ali’s mother helped her tie the laces of her brand new soccer cleats. She pulled her socks up to cover her over-sized shin guards. They had a hard time finding some that were small enough for the four year old._

_Deb gave her husband a dirty look and said, “She’s too little to be playing with the boys.”_

_“She’s better than all the boys.” Ken answered._

_Kyle wasn’t happy that his little sister was joining his soccer team. It was his team. He didn’t want Ali to have any part of it._

_“No she’s not!” Kyle argued. If she was better than all the boys then she was better than him._

_Debbie kissed Ali’s head before going to her son. She wrapped him up in a big hug and said, “Your sister wants to play with you. Doesn’t that make you feel special? She wants to be just like you.”_

_“She always copies me.” Kyle sulked. “She’s not good enough to play with the boys!”_

_Ali’s eyes started to get glossy. She was holding back tears, not because she was hurt but because she was angry. Ken recognized what his daughter was about to do and stepped in front of her before she could attack._

_“Sweetheart, let’s go practice your dribbling.” Ken said, while picking her up and carrying her away from her brother._

_As Ken carried her out, Deb heard Ali say with equal parts anger and determination, “I can beat him!”_

_..._

_An overworked woman in her fifties searched through the unorganized stacks of files on her desk._

_“I know it’s here.” She said. “They’re a great family. They can only keep you for a few days, but they can keep you both. Hopefully, we will find somewhere else for you two by the end of the week.”_

_Young Ashlyn refused to cry in front of the woman. She had just been removed, along with her brother, from her mother’s home. Christopher did all of the talking for the both of them._

_“Will you be able to find a place for us to be together?” He asked. He put his arm around his little sister, who had yet to look up at the woman trying to help them. “Ash can’t be alone. She’s too little. I have to take care of her!”_

_Ashlyn was 11 years old and small for her age. Chris always took it upon himself to look after her. It was his duty as her big brother._

_The woman finally found the post-it note she had been searching for. It had the name and number of a family that had said they were available that day to take both Harris siblings._

_She started to dial the number before answering Christopher’s question. “I can’t guarantee anything, but I promise I’ll try to keep you together.”_

_Chris wasn’t satisfied with her answer. “You can’t split us up!” He pulled his sister closer to him and added, “She needs me. We’re a family.”_

_At her first foster home, Ashlyn refused to speak or eat unless Chris was the one who was speaking to her or giving her food. The family they had been temporarily placed with was kind and understanding of what they had been through. They didn’t hold Ash’s cold and distant behavior against her, but her traumatized state didn’t help with future placements._

_Her foster life was sometimes filled with well-meaning people who didn’t understand why she acted out the way that she did, but much of it would also be filled with not-so-well-meaning people who opened their home up to hurting children for all of the wrong reasons._

_..._

_“Kyle...Alex, we need to talk.” Deb called her children over to the living room as soon as they arrived home from school. The two young teenagers shared a nervous look before joining their mother._

_Ali looked around and asked, “Where’s Dad?”_

_Both she and Kyle had noticed that he wasn’t there that morning for breakfast. Their parents had been fighting for a while and in the past they used to be able to patch things up after a day or two, but this time felt different. The fighting never seemed to stop. It was the same fight over and over again and worst of all, Ali noticed that her mother didn’t kiss her father anymore. Her parents used to share a hug and a kiss every time they saw each other after being apart, or when they left each other for any amount of time._

_When they had stopped the simple routine, Ali noticed. She always noticed things like that._

_“Your Dad is taking some time off.” Deb answered. She sighed sadly before elaborating, “What I mean is, he’s staying somewhere else for a while.”_

_“How long?” Kyle asked._

_Their mother didn’t have the heart to tell them everything at once. She didn’t want to say that she had already spoke to a lawyer about divorcing him. “He’ll be gone for a little while.” She answered._

_Ali watched as her big brother started to cry. Her mother wrapped him up in a comforting hug and said, “Honey, it’s going to be okay. He may not be living here anymore, but he’ll be around all the time.”_

_Ali felt her breath quicken. Her face warmed from anger. She didn’t know which parent she should be more furious towards, but she knew she couldn’t pretend like everything was okay._

_“I want to talk to Dad.” Ali said. She was seething._

_Deb knew that in that moment Ali didn’t need her father. She needed her mother._

_“Sweetheart, it’s okay to be angry.” Deb said._

_Ali dodged her mother’s attempt at pulling her into the same hug she was using to comfort Kyle._

_“I want Dad!” Ali said. “He should be here!”_

_Deb exhaled in exhausted frustration and said, “He’s not here. I am.”_

_Deb wanted to say that Ali’s father had every chance to be there, but decided it would be better if he wasn’t. She didn’t approve of his form of parenting, but she couldn’t force him to show up. Ken felt that the conversation about the two of them splitting up needed to be calm and as cordial as possible. The way things had been going lately made him think that it wasn’t possible for the two of them to be in the same room. He felt that it would be harder on the kids if he were present._

_Ali left her mother and brother, and immediately called her father from the house phone. Deb held her son while they listened to her yell._

_“Dad, I want you here! You can’t leave us!” Ali screamed. “It’s not fair!”_

_Ken was at the house within minutes._

_“Princess...” Ken said as soon as Ali answered the door._

_He didn’t have time to say another word. His daughter had buried her head in his chest and cried. He met his wife’s eyes, saw that his son was in the same condition as his daughter and suddenly the fighting didn’t seem important anymore. At least for the moment, the parents laid down their anger and worked together to comfort their children._

_Later that night when Ken put Ali to bed, she hugged him and said, “I’m sorry, Daddy. It’s all my fault.”_

_“No...” Ken said. He kissed her forehead and brushed her long hair out of her face before adding, “...it’s got nothing to do with you.”_

_“Mom’s mad because you’re always working. And you’re always working because of me.” Ali explained. “It’s because of me and soccer.”_

_Ken shook his head and said, “No, Alex. It’s not because of that.”_

_“Yes, it is.” Ali argued. “She thinks you care more about me and soccer than you do about anything else.”_

_It was sort of true. Ken had put a lot of time into training and helping Ali. Deb accused him of preferring his daughter over his son. Ken loved both of his children...things were just easier with Ali._

_“The problems your Mom and I have are because of us, not you or your brother. You both are completely innocent and perfect. You haven’t done anything wrong. In fact, you deserve better than what we’ve been able to give you lately. We want to be able to love you the best we can, and that means that we need to separate.” Ken explained._

_“No matter what happens.” Ken said. “We’ll always be a family.”_

_..._

_Ashlyn closed her eyes tight as she listened to the screaming behind her closed bedroom door. She was at her third foster home and hated the family she had been placed with. Her foster parents were always fighting. She felt her heart race and felt as if her emotions were on fire. Her mind and body were constantly in a state of stress. Beyond the abusive language and constant screaming, was the threat of one of her foster brothers. He was a “real kid,” as Ashlyn would later explain to Ali many years later. A “real kid” was a biological child of the foster parents and in this case, they were treated much better than the rest of the kids._

_The boy was a bully, but he had taken a liking to Ashlyn. He was 16 and much bigger than she was. Ashlyn could feel his eyes on her whenever they were in the same room. During her time there she would try to disappear. She wanted to go unnoticed as much as possible. Many times she accomplished this by hiding in the dark in the basement of the house._

_One night her foster brother found her and tried to take advantage of her. She managed to fight him off enough to get him to stop, but it left bruises on her arms. She showed those bruises to her brother during a visit and soon the abusive boy learned that Ashlyn wasn’t completely alone in the world._

_Chris snuck out of his own foster home and beat the boy unconscious. Ashlyn ended up getting kicked out and Christopher had to spend some time in a juvenile detention center, but he was happy to do it. Ashlyn was his priority. She was all that he had...and for a long time he was all she had too._

_It took some time, but eventually Ashlyn’s grandparents won the legal battle for the right to adopt Chris and Ashlyn. It was the healthiest home environment both children had ever experienced, but their past trauma had taken it’s toll. Both siblings had unresolved issues they had to deal with. They carried them for much longer than they would have liked._

_Ashlyn felt like something had broken inside of her. In her mind, a normal and happy family was never really an option for her._

_..._

_When Ashlyn had started dating Ali she knew that the cracks in her heart were starting to ache again. She had thrown herself into school and soccer. She had done her best to distance herself from anything that could break through her tough exterior. She wasn’t expecting a brunette defender with golden brown eyes to be the one thing that would change everything for her._

_“What’s wrong?” Ali asked._

_Ashlyn had been acting weird. The two soccer players were best friends. Ali couldn’t understand why it felt like Ash was pulling away from her._

_Ashlyn tightened her grip on her cell phone and lied, “Nothing.”_

_Ali exhaled quietly. She didn’t want her new girlfriend to hear the disappointment in her voice. She steadied herself when she replied with a weak, “Okay...”_

_“I hate you...” Ashlyn sighed. It wasn’t the sort of comment that Ali expected to hear, but it also wasn’t meant in a mean way. Ali had a way of making Ash put down her defenses._

_Ashlyn explained, “You always do this.”_

_“Do what?” Ali asked._

_Ash sighed loudly and continued, “I can’t hide anything from you.”_

_Ashlyn paused to gather her thoughts. Ali sensed that she needed that time, so she didn’t rush her or try to fill the silence herself._

_“I don’t want you to know everything about me...” Ashlyn squeezed her eyes tightly to try and keep any unwanted tears from spilling. Ali stayed quiet. “It’s just...” Ash continued, “...sometimes I can get really messed up in my head. I don’t want to disappoint you...and I don’t want to make you have to deal with my issues.”_

_Ali wasn’t unfamiliar with Ashlyn and her background growing up. Ashlyn’s “issues” weren’t a secret to her._

_Ali smiled softly and wished that she was close enough to her girlfriend to hold her when she said, “Ashlyn, your issues aren’t a burden to me. I love you...and I love that you’re sensitive.”_

_Ashlyn hated that she seemed to feel things more deeply than most everyone else she knew. As a kid, she was able to channel that hurt and sadness into anger and isolation. As an adult she couldn’t push out the truth any longer. She had to deal with the things that she struggled with. Having someone like Ali around made it impossible for her to keep up her defensive walls and ignore the deeper waters of her heart. If she was going to give Ali access to the deepest parts of her, she had to deal with the things she had been trying to avoid._

_“Sensitive.” Ashlyn said in a self-loathing way. “That’s just a nice way to say that I’m messed up.”_

_“That is not true.” Ali argued._

_“Alex, my own parents don’t even love me.”_

_Ashlyn didn’t mean to say it. She didn’t want to go that deep. She wished she could have kept things shallow...maybe just dip a toe or two into the sadness that consumed her. Instead she dove in head first and brought Ali along with her._

_“Ash...” Ali whispered. Her volume was no louder than a gentle breath._

_Ashlyn didn’t want to go any further. She rushed Ali off the phone before she had a chance to break down and said, “I gotta go.”_

_Ashlyn hung up on Ali._

_Ali called her right back. She wasn’t going to let her hide any longer._

_..._

_Ali watched her brother in the mirror as he did her hair for her wedding. “You’re a good brother.” She said._

_He smiled at her, but stayed quiet as he finished what he was doing._

_“We’ve had it pretty good, haven’t we?” Ali asked. She met his curious eyes in the mirror._

_He nodded in agreement before saying, “Yeah, I think so.”_

_“Even though Mom and Dad got divorced, we still had a really happy family. They supported us and loved us.”_

_Kyle was wondering what his sister was getting at. Maybe she was just being sentimental because of the wedding._

_Ali continued, “Dad kind of had an issue when he found out we were gay, but he came around. I don’t think I ever felt like he didn’t care...even when he was angry, or didn’t understand.”_

_“I agree.” Kyle said. “What’s on your mind? Why are you thinking about this right now?”_

_Ali sighed, “I’m just thinking about Ashlyn. Being a family is so important. Having parents who love you and siblings who get along...” Ali trailed off. She was trying to think of the right way to say what she was feeling. “You were my best friend growing up.”_

_“Were?” Kyle said, trying to make his sister feel bad._

_“Shut up, you know what I mean.” Ali said. She continued, “We just had it really good. Ash and Chris were best friends too, but things were different for them. I just want her to be happy. I want her to have everything she deserves.”_

_Kyle made a gagging noise before getting serious. “I don’t know that she deserves you, but I do know that she loves you and that you two are going to have a great life together.”_

_Ali forced a smile. Kyle didn’t buy it. “What?” He asked._

_“I just know that she’s been through so much. I want everything to be perfect for her.” Ali said._

_Kyle understood a little about what Ali was saying. He loved Ashlyn and wanted her to have a perfect life, but he also wanted that for Ali._

_“It’s not up to you to fix her.” Kyle said._

_Ali met his eyes in the mirror and looked to him as if she was ready to rip his head off._

_“She’s not broken. She doesn’t need fixed.” Ali said._

_Kyle put his hands in the air in surrender and said, “That’s not what I meant. What I meant was that you are putting too much pressure on yourself to make everything perfect. Look at us, we didn’t have it perfect, but we were happy. We knew our parents loved us and even though we struggled, we knew we never had to go through it alone.”_

_“Keep saying words like that.” Ali said._

_Kyle continued, “We didn’t have it perfect. I know what it’s like to have to face internal demons, but I turned out alright.”_

_“I guess...” Ali teased._

_“Ha ha...” Kyle mockingly laughed at his sister. “My point is, a perfect family is a nice idea, but it doesn’t exist.”_

_Ali argued, “Ash and I will have the perfect family.”_

_Kyle didn’t want to argue. He finished his thought by saying, “You will have a perfect family, but it won’t be because everything’s perfect. It will be because you share it with Ash.”_

_Ali smiled at the thought of her future family with Ashlyn. What would it look like? Would she be able to make her wife and children happy?_

_She thought about her own parents and wondered if they had asked themselves the same questions when they had first started out. What changed for them between the day they said their vows and the day they decided what they had was no longer worth fighting for?_

_She hoped that what she had with Ashlyn was different. Ali believed that the two of them could last. She didn’t think that life without Ashlyn was even possible. Ali couldn’t see any happiness for herself unless she made it a priority in her life to make Ashlyn happy. Ash felt the same way about Ali._

_..._

_“I don’t know...” Ashlyn heard her new wife say as she carried in a load of groceries. Ali had sent her out to pick up a few things, but when she got to the store she let her hungry stomach do the shopping for her. She made sure to get what was on Ali’s detailed list, but she added at least a dozen items to it._

_Ali used her shoulder and ear to hold her phone in place while she continued to talk. She helped Ashlyn unload the bags she had carried in and shared a quick kiss before walking away to finish her conversation. Ashlyn didn’t think much of it. She helped herself to a pint of ice cream and found her wife in the living room of their small apartment._

_Ali shared a smile with her and continued to talk to her brother. “What do you think we should do?” She asked._

_Ashlyn was a little curious. Her wife’s tone seemed frustrated._

_Ali quieted her voice and replied to whatever Kyle had just said, “I don’t want to expose Ash to that.”_

_Now Ashlyn was really curious. She saw her wife look up at her quickly to see if she had heard what she said. Ali tried to fake a smile, but there was no fooling her._

_“What?” Ash asked. She didn’t care that Ali was on the phone. She didn’t want to wait for an explanation._

_Ali held up a finger, signaling that she needed to wait. When she saw that Ash wasn’t happy about waiting, she said, “Let me call you back. I need to discuss all this with Ashlyn.”_

_Ashlyn nodded and shared a spoonful of her ice cream with Ali as a reward._

_“What’s that all about?” Ashlyn asked._

_Ali sighed in frustration and hurt and said, “We were just talking about Thanksgiving plans. He doesn’t want to have to deal with our family.”_

_The year before, the couple had gone to Ashlyn’s grandparent’s house for Thanksgiving. They were also able to go to Ali’s mother’s home in Miami the day after. This year it was Ali’s father’s turn to have her. His family was less than accepting of her and her brother’s lifestyle choices._

_“Your Dad’s cool.” Ash replied. She loved Ali’s father. He was the closest thing she had to one of her own, besides her grandfather._

_Ali shrugged, “He’s fine, but his parents and siblings aren’t. Last year they really upset Kyle. He said he’s not gonna go there anymore.”_

_“But what about your Dad?” Ashlyn asked. She hated thinking of him not having any of his children there._

_Ali took the spoon and pint from Ashlyn and helped herself to more ice cream._

_“Alex...” Ash said. Her wife was trying hard to stall._

_“Ashlyn, I don’t want you to have to deal with them. I know that you will...and I know that you don’t mind, but you don’t deserve what they will put you through.” Ali thought better and corrected herself. “Actually, they don’t deserve you. You’re too good for them. I don’t want you to experience anything but good feelings for Thanksgiving.”_

_Ashlyn appreciated the sentiment, but it didn’t seem fair to Ali. “So you’re just going to avoid your family forever?” Ashlyn asked. “Because of me?”_

_“Not because of you.” Ali replied. “Well, kind of because of you...and also because of me and Kyle.” She gave her wife back the ice cream and walked away._

_She stopped herself before she left the room, turned around and corrected herself. “You know what?” Ali said. “I take it all back. It’s not because of you, or Kyle, or me. It’s because of them. Do you really want our future children to have to listen to them tell them that you and I aren’t normal? What about if they try to indoctrinate them with hate and tell them that even though we love them, we’re not the best parents for them?”_

_“Babe, we’ve heard it all before. Why are you all of a sudden so protective of me and our nonexistent children?” Ashlyn asked._

_“Because I’m tired of being the bigger person. I’m tired of ignoring the judgmental stares and pretending not to hear the rude comments.” Ali answered. “I don’t have the patience or the energy to do it when it’s directed towards the woman I love and am proud to start a family with.”_

_“You’re sexy when you get worked up like this.” Ashlyn said with a grin._

_“I’m being serious.” Ali said in disapproval._

_“So am I.” Ashlyn answered. She pressed the cold container of ice cream against her neck and added, “You’re getting me hot over here.”_

_Ali rolled her eyes and asked, “Is that all you ever think about?”_

_“With you?” Ash asked, and immediately answered her own question, “Yeah. That’s about it.”_

_“Ash, I’m trying to tell you something important.” Ali replied. “I need you to pay attention.”_

_“I am paying attention.” Ashlyn replied. “I’m paying attention to how hot my wife is.”_

_Ashlyn smiled, hoping to charm her wife, but the corners of her lips quickly fell when she noticed Ali’s death glare focused on her._

_“What?” Ashlyn asked defensively._

_Ali took her wife’s face with both hands and told her to focus on her words. The request didn’t help Ashlyn’s attention, because it made her stare hungrily at Ali’s lips._

_“What is the matter with you?” Ali asked._

_Ashlyn unconsciously licked her lips._

_“You’re hopeless.” Ali laughed. She quickly stole the ice cream from her wife and made a quick getaway to the kitchen._

_Ashlyn followed her._

_Ali put the uneaten portion of ice cream in the freezer and said, “I think if you knew what I wanted to tell you, you would be more eager to pay attention.”_

_Ash stood up straight and tried to show her wife that she was on her best behavior. “I’m listening.”_

_Ali smiled and said, “I’ve been trying to tell you that I think it’s time.”_

_The couple had been discussing starting a family. They hadn’t even been married a year, but they both longed to have little ones running around._

_Ali continued, “I think it’s time we start our own family traditions. We could host Thanksgiving this year. We could invite our brothers and some friends.”_

_“That sounds stressful.” Ashlyn answered. “Our apartment is too small.”_

_“Then just me and you.” Ali replied._

_Ashlyn shook her head in disbelief. “You would rather me and you hang out alone on Thanksgiving?” She asked._

_“If that’s what it takes for us to start our own family traditions.”_

_Ashlyn narrowed her eyes and thought about what her wife had just said._

_Ali filled in the blanks before Ashlyn had a chance. “We’ve been talking about it long enough. It’s time we start the process...it’s time we start our family.”_

_Ali continued, “I know you’re scared. I know you’re worried that you’re not good enough...but I know that you are. I know that you’re going to be an amazing mother to our kids. It’s in your heart to help hurting children. I think we can help them. I want to try, Ash.”_

_“That’s easy for you to say.” Ashlyn replied. “You’re part of a loving family. I don’t want to mess up a kid who’s already been hurt. What if I hurt them even more?”_

_If only Ashlyn could see herself the way Ali saw her, she wouldn’t be so afraid._

_“Baby, you love deeper than anyone else I know. Every child deserves that kind of love.” Ali said. “It would be a shame to waste it.”_

_“Alex, you know I want to. It’s hard for me to believe that I could ever have a happy family. You know I want to try.”_

_“I know...” Ali said. “...I promise you, Ashlyn. You will have the family you truly deserve. One that’s full of love, support, kindness, strength, and happiness. You and I will have all of that and more.”_

_“How do you know?” Ashlyn asked._

_Ali shrugged and said, “Because that’s what you deserve.”_


End file.
